Oct. 20, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:15:33
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. | ||
| We are live. | ||
| Hello, Brian Redband. | ||
| Hey, Joe. | ||
| What's going on, fella? | ||
| Not much. | ||
| Crazy week. | ||
| Very crazy week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Murder at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Ugh, that's insane. | ||
| I was supposed to go down there that night, too. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| A lot of us. | ||
| I decided the day of, I had too much shit to do that day and in the morning, and I said, you know what, I don't need to do a set tonight. | ||
| I was going to do the Stand Up on the Spot show, which was on before the Roast Battle show. | ||
| And I guess there was a show going on in the main room. | ||
| It was one of those air quotes, urban air quotes. | ||
| Yeah, they scratch records, and they have more melanin, and some shit went down. | ||
| And not that it matters, it was a box show. | ||
| Obviously, it could have been a white show. | ||
| I don't believe it was anybody in the show. | ||
| I think it was just people in the audience. | ||
| There was a guy on a patio, and obviously, I have like 15th hand information. | ||
| But the story is that this guy just walked right up to this guy and just shot him a bunch of times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird how... | ||
| Essentially, Chyna did one of those reenactments of it where... | ||
| Oh, those commercials. | ||
| CGI's, rather. | ||
| CGI's. | ||
| And it's really ridiculous how they show it. | ||
| And so I've been showing it around because a lot of us are always there Tuesday nights. | ||
| And Rose, the bartender, was standing right there. | ||
| She helped afterwards by putting towels and stuff on the guy. | ||
| A lot of people at Francisco Ramos was standing right next to him. | ||
| Matt Edgar. | ||
| A lot of our friends were hanging out on the patio because roast battle was going on. | ||
| And it's so crowded for roast battle that a lot of us just sit in the front patio and watch it. | ||
| Let's watch the Chinese reenactment. | ||
| First of all, note how everyone's white. | ||
| Except that guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So was it from there? | ||
| Wow, it does look like the Comedy Store. | ||
| Is that where it happened from? | ||
| You know, they're saying that, what Rose is saying, that this is not the side that it came on. | ||
| It was more right in the middle, you know, the entrance. | ||
| And was he that far away? | ||
| They're also saying he ran across the street, which is another thing. | ||
| A lot of people say that he got into a car and the car went down the street. | ||
| Other people are saying he didn't get in a car. | ||
| And it's interesting because there's so many people there, but yet they haven't released anything about the shooter except that he had a hoodie on. | ||
| Not like color of hoodie, height, nothing, which was odd, you know. | ||
| But it happened so fast, they say. | ||
| I don't know how those things usually work. | ||
| I don't know if they give up all the information about the suspect. | ||
| The problem is, if you tell people what it was, there's a really weird thing that happens when people see stuff. | ||
| People see things, and then their recollection of what they actually saw oftentimes is way off. | ||
| Like, they've done these experiments with people, where they've put them in stressful situations, like a fake bank robbery, and then they ask them to describe what happened. | ||
| And people, they get it so wrong. | ||
| And they think in their head that it's right. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure I've got some memories in my head like that, that are all fucked up. | ||
| And I'm sure you have some in your head. | ||
| I just think... | ||
| I think our memory, we would like to think it's like some stuff written down on paper or a video that you can watch and review, but it's not. | ||
| It's fucking very, very strange, especially when it comes to something like a murder, where someone steps out and boom, just shoots somebody. | ||
| So if you say, we're looking for a 5'10 black male with a red hoodie, people are going to find that guy. | ||
| They're going to see it, they're going to think it. | ||
| But if you say, we're looking for a 5'11 Thin white male with a British accent, then they'll say, I saw that guy. | ||
| I know it was him. | ||
| There's going to be a certain amount of people that will tell you, even though they saw a black guy in their head, they'll see that five foot tall, 11 English guy and they'll go, yes! | ||
| I did think he was English. | ||
| Especially with trauma and the fear of the instance, they're notoriously unreliable. | ||
| That's why when scientists talk about anecdotal evidence and evidence of people's experiences, when you're trying to talk about paranormal shit especially, Some people say, dude, you can't tell me what I saw. | ||
| I know what I saw. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Do you really know what you saw? | ||
| Because I don't know what I saw a lot of times. | ||
| If you looked at my memory just from yesterday, it's a blur of some snapshots. | ||
| And I had a great day. | ||
| I wasn't drunk, hanging out with the family, picked out some pumpkins, saw a fucking pig race, went to this... | ||
| Farm place where they let you pick out your own pumpkin. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| A bunch of kids. | ||
| It was cute. | ||
| We had a good time. | ||
| Went in a corn maze. | ||
| My memory, my important thing is totally sober, having a great time, lots of laughs, but my memory is like, oh yeah, then we did that, and then we did that. | ||
| Oh yeah, we did that too. | ||
| I had some of that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I had a sandwich. | ||
| And these like... | ||
| This idea that, you know, we have this infallible memory. | ||
| I think when you start putting out information, like, this is what the guy definitely looked like. | ||
| Based on who? | ||
| Based on whose head? | ||
| Who said it definitely looks like that? | ||
| The people that saw the shooting? | ||
|
unidentified
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Hmm. | |
| Okay, if you don't have a photo, you better be real careful what you say. | ||
| Because these people that saw the shooting, man, boy. | ||
| Some of them might be good at it, but we all know somebody who fucking sucks at remembering stories. | ||
| We all have that one person that is terrible at it. | ||
| Especially in a time of panic. | ||
| I know when I got robbed, I remember he had a fake beard, but that's about it. | ||
| He had some kind of coat, but I don't remember. | ||
| I was staring at him. | ||
| I should be able to know, oh yeah, he had a purple shirt on. | ||
| He had... | ||
| Isn't it funny that fake beards are not allowed? | ||
| But if you are a man and you wear a toupee, you can go through TSA with it. | ||
| They'll leave that stupid fake hair glued to your head. | ||
| That's so strange. | ||
| But if you try to go through TSA with a fake mustache, they'd be like, what the fuck are you trying to pull? | ||
| You can go in there with a mop of hair. | ||
| I wonder how long your fake hair can be before they go, listen, you fuck, take that thing off. | ||
| Could you go in there with a giant lion's mane? | ||
| If you went in there with some crazy... | ||
| If you were just stone-cold bald, and you went in there with a glued-on Fabio wig, like a full Fabio that goes all the way down to your ass, or even crazier. | ||
| There was a dude that I was... | ||
| I was at the House of Blues in Houston a couple weeks ago, and it was great. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| Me and Ian Edwards. | ||
| And there was a dude who's been growing his hair for 14 years that works there. | ||
| I got a picture of homeboy. | ||
| Is he a long ponytail? | ||
| Is that like super long? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He went the dreadlock route. | |
| It just takes one guy to try to put a bomb in his hairpiece to have a line where everyone has to get their toupees shoveled off or scraped off. | ||
| Well, there's not enough people that have big hair like that where you would have to look into it. | ||
| But yeah, if there was a lot of people running around with hair like that, they would start searching your hair. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But those radio wave things that they go through, here's homeboy. | ||
| You see his hair? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, it goes all the way down to his ass. | ||
| Like snakes. | ||
| Past his ass, excuse me, almost down to his knees. | ||
| That shit's got a smell. | ||
| It probably smells great. | ||
| It's got pockets of nest in there. | ||
| There's all kinds of living art forms in there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ebola. | ||
| What was I going to say? | ||
| Oh, but that was fake. | ||
| There's no way you could wear hair that long that's fake. | ||
| Because now you're wearing some crazy costume or something. | ||
| It has to be within the cultural norm. | ||
| It has to be culturally acceptable length hair. | ||
| Do you remember when that guy, Phil Spector, was on trial for murder? | ||
| That really crazy fuck? | ||
| Phil Spector, who Jamie probably knows who he is more than both of us, because he had that thing, the wall of sound, that he had kind of created. | ||
| He kind of created a new way of producing music. | ||
| Is that correct? | ||
| Is that the best way to describe it? | ||
| Yeah, you're pretty good. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Yeah, but apparently he loved putting guns in people's faces. | ||
| He was just a fucking nut. | ||
| And he showed up for trial. | ||
| Look at that wig. | ||
| He showed up for trial wearing the different wigs, right? | ||
| Didn't he wear a couple different kinds? | ||
| Just that one? | ||
| No, what about that one? | ||
| So he's got two different wigs at least. | ||
| What ended up happening to him? | ||
| Is he in prison? | ||
| Oh yeah, he might be dead. | ||
| He might be dead now. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Yeah, look how horrific he looks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just looks so creepy. | ||
| Is that him there smiling too? | ||
| Wow, he looks like a totally different person when he smiles. | ||
| That's so odd. | ||
| Oof. | ||
| He's a creepy dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, so he put a gun in some girl's mouth. | ||
| You know, he was into that kind of shit. | ||
| Like, bitch, I'll fucking kill you. | ||
| And he actually did kill her. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And she was like a... | ||
| Just a young lady. | ||
| I think that's her up there. | ||
| Lana Clarkson. | ||
| That's her, right? | ||
| She was really pretty. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| She had done some acting and stuff. | ||
| And she met him. | ||
| What's amazing to me... | ||
| Was not just that he shot her and this crazy fuck, but that an ugly dude like that can bang a chick that looks that hot. | ||
| Like, how did he get her? | ||
| Maybe she wouldn't have sex with him. | ||
| Maybe that's why he shot her in the mouth. | ||
| Well, he's also a millionaire, I think, at that point. | ||
| Yeah, no, that definitely has got to help. | ||
| But isn't it amazing that it helps that much? | ||
| I mean, look how scary he is. | ||
| Is that Al Pacino? | ||
| Did Al Pacino play him in a movie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| An HBO movie, I think. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was it called? | ||
| A couple years ago. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| I didn't know about that. | ||
| I didn't know that either. | ||
| There's too many movies. | ||
| Oh, it's just called Phil Spector. | ||
| Do you know I had a revelation the other day when it came to movies? | ||
| I went to see The Martian. | ||
| It was pretty good. | ||
| Interesting, but the problem with that movie is you know he's gonna live. | ||
| You know he's gonna make it. | ||
| So it's like someone gave you a spoiler alert before you even got to the movie. | ||
| It's like, oh, is he gonna die on Mars? | ||
| Am I paying money to watch two hours of him and he's gonna die on Mars? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Everybody knows he's not gonna die on Mars. | ||
| But the revelation was There's there's too many movies and like even really awesome movies like Sicario is supposed to be pretty badass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which one's that? | |
| That's the new Benicio del Toro movie. | ||
| It's supposed to be pretty badass, but we couldn't get a ticket to that one in time. | ||
| It was sold out, so we went with The Martian. | ||
| But the point is these movies never stop. | ||
| Every week there's new ones and they don't go away. | ||
| Like, the old ones don't stop being around. | ||
| Like, you can go watch them, too. | ||
| It's like, there's too many of them. | ||
| Like, I was thinking about all the different movies just on iTunes and Netflix, and I was scrolling through them, and I started thinking, like, this is a never-ending equation. | ||
| Like, it just keeps getting tacked onto it. | ||
| We live in the epicenter of where it's created. | ||
| It's all around here. | ||
| And it's very strange, because the body of work just never stops. | ||
| Like, it used to be, when I was a kid, When a good movie came out, you would go to see that fucking movie, like Star Wars. | ||
| I saw Star Wars 13 times, and I was nothing compared to the real geeks. | ||
| It was a big deal back then to see how many times you could see a movie. | ||
| You couldn't run a movie long enough for someone to see it 13 times now. | ||
| Because there's new ones! | ||
| There's new ones coming! | ||
| We gotta get this fucking piece of shit out of the theater! | ||
| You would never have a movie like Star Wars that played over and over and over and over and over again. | ||
| And if Star Wars came out today, people would shit right in its mouth. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| That is, to me, in my childhood, one of the greatest movies of all time. | ||
| When I was a kid and that movie came out, I remember when Obi-Wan Kenobi was talking to Luke Skywalker and they were in the sand. | ||
|
unidentified
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I was like, This is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life! | |
| This is amazing! | ||
| This guy's in space, and he's gonna... | ||
| Obi-Wan Kenobi's gonna teach him how to be a Jedi! | ||
| Oh, this is the greatest movie ever! | ||
| I remember it couldn't have been more perfect. | ||
| I remember seeing that movie and thinking, this movie is fucking perfect. | ||
| Now you go watch it, and you're like, oh my god, it's such a clunky turd. | ||
| It's clunky. | ||
| The special effects look like shit. | ||
| Why is Darth Vader evil? | ||
| There's not even a reason why he's evil. | ||
| He's just evil. | ||
| What does he get when he takes over the world? | ||
| Does he even get pussy? | ||
| Is he even gonna get any pussy in space? | ||
| No, he's just building some giant star that can blow up planets. | ||
| Really? | ||
| This is so dumb. | ||
| Like, it's so dumb. | ||
| Oh, he uses the dark side. | ||
| Oh, not the dark side. | ||
| It's so fucking dumb. | ||
| And it's puppets. | ||
| It's like Kermit the Frog and Luke Skywalker. | ||
| But in its day, like if you judge it in the context of its day, it's one of the all-time classic films. | ||
| It's just there's so many more now and they're better. | ||
| There's some films from back then that still, like Apocalypse Now is rock solid. | ||
| You try to go watch Apocalypse Now, it is rock fucking solid. | ||
| Francis Ford Coppola just made a masterpiece. | ||
| That's who did that, right? | ||
| It was him, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a masterpiece. | ||
| It's a masterpiece. | ||
| It's like a flawless film. | ||
| And it's a film that took, I think it took like seven years to make. | ||
| It went way, way over budget. | ||
| They started with Lawrence Fishburne when he was like 17 he was in that movie. | ||
| I mean, that was a crazy fucking movie. | ||
| But it's a movie that holds up, man. | ||
| It still holds up. | ||
| Ghostbusters doesn't hold up. | ||
| E.T. doesn't hold up. | ||
| There's a lot that I've been watching and going, ugh. | ||
| We were kids though, right? | ||
| Yeah, we were younger, but it just looked real. | ||
| Back then, that was realistic to us. | ||
| Those monsters made out of clay. | ||
| We're like, oh my god, it's a monster made out of clay. | ||
| I remember I used to, like, Land of the Lost. | ||
| Ooh, the slea stacks! | ||
| They're fucking so cool looking! | ||
| Ooh, excited! | ||
| I saw there's a Godzilla King Kong movie coming out. | ||
| Oh, Christ. | ||
| Here's why that's stupid, okay? | ||
| Godzilla is 500 feet tall. | ||
| King Kong's 50 feet tall. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Those Japanese people fucked you. | ||
| They fucked you with those movies because they violated all the laws. | ||
| They didn't give you some reason why King Kong grew to 500. He grew 450 extra feet and they didn't say a word about it. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| How's he so big? | ||
| He used to be able to climb shit and he would carry the chick in his hand and now all of a sudden he's as big as Godzilla. | ||
| What if it was baby Godzilla versus King Kong? | ||
| Like, it was just baby Godzilla. | ||
| He was small. | ||
| That would make a little bit more sense. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But he would just stand back and light him on fire. | ||
| It's fucking stupid. | ||
| The fight would take 30 seconds. | ||
| I mean, he got killed by little tiny airplanes. | ||
| He got killed by airplanes. | ||
| And if you know anything about, like, firepower and guns, the idea that you could kill a gorilla with these little piss-amp bullets... | ||
| From a tiny little stupid cardboard plane. | ||
| You're killing a gorilla that's so fucking big that it can carry people and climb to the top of the Empire State Building. | ||
| It can grab planes out of the air and smash them. | ||
| Remember it was doing that? | ||
| But yet those little baby bullets are killing them. | ||
| Those little baby bullets would just make them furious. | ||
| Unless they were like the hollow points or something like that where they blew up inside of them. | ||
| Doesn't matter. | ||
| Unless they were cannons, they would have to be like... | ||
| They would have to be such a high caliber that it would be like BOOM! BOOM! There would be mad fucking recoil. | ||
| It would be... | ||
| Especially back then. | ||
| They have guns now that have... | ||
| They're like Donald Cerrone had one that he put a video of it on his Instagram. | ||
| It's I think they call it integrally suppressed. | ||
| So when you fire the gun, it's a 300 Win Mag, which is a big round. | ||
| It's a very powerful rifle. | ||
| When you fire it, it's like tunk, tunk, like nothing. | ||
| You don't feel anything and you don't hear anything. | ||
| It's like a very small amount of sound and a very small amount of kick. | ||
| Like he has a girl on his Instagram picture, just a regular sized girl shooting it and it's not fucking her up at all. | ||
| But it should be at least a struggle. | ||
| But back then, they didn't have any of that shit. | ||
| Back then, it was just an explosion in a metal tube, shooting out a piece of lead. | ||
| The idea that you're going to kill this big gorilla with your piss-ass guns, he's just going to fuck you up, man. | ||
| And he's going to bang that white chick. | ||
| That's what he's there for. | ||
| Unless it got smart and it was just all hacking and nuclear war, like Godzilla's using computers now and King Kong. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| Where were you going with that? | ||
| You committed to it, too. | ||
| They made it a drama. | ||
| A drama. | ||
| Well, the last Godzilla looked like it was going to be badass. | ||
| I never watched it. | ||
| It wasn't good. | ||
| It was kind of fun. | ||
| Like, the Godzilla monster itself was fucking badass. | ||
| Like, they did an amazing job with CGI. But the story was so clunky. | ||
| And this fucking kid, who's the hero, keeps surviving. | ||
| I mean, he survived the most ridiculous shit, like a plane fell off, or a train fell off of a giant bridge into the water, and he gets out of there, over and over and over again. | ||
| Wasn't that what happened? | ||
| Some stupid shit like that. | ||
| Over and over and over again, this fuck survives. | ||
| The most ridiculous, preposterous, disastrous scenarios to watch Godzilla kill this bad guy. | ||
| Spoiler alert! | ||
| Godzilla survives! | ||
| Spoiler! | ||
| But it's just... | ||
| The special effects were pretty wicked. | ||
| But the story itself was just clunky. | ||
| Did you see a movie called The Guest? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Who's in it? | ||
| I forget his name. | ||
| No one really... | ||
| Hold on, I'll tell you right now. | ||
| It is... | ||
| No. | ||
| Dan Stevens. | ||
| I don't know who that is. | ||
| Anyways, it got really good on Rotten Tomatoes. | ||
| It got like 92%. | ||
| It got really good reviews. | ||
| Doug Benson told me to watch it. | ||
| It's on Netflix right now. | ||
| It starts off like a kid's summer teen movie. | ||
| Are you spoiler alerting this movie? | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| It starts off like a kid's summer teen movie. | ||
| And this guy who just got out of the army comes and visits this family. | ||
| It is one of the biggest roadhouse-type version movies. | ||
| It starts off horrible, but then you wake up out of this coma, and you're like, wait, what the fuck am I watching? | ||
| And then it starts, like, I swear to God, I laughed so hard in this movie, like a roadhouse. | ||
| Accidentally? | ||
| Accidentally. | ||
| But then I go to Doug, and I'm like, dude, thank you so much. | ||
| That was, like, a hilarious movie. | ||
| And he goes, oh, well, like, he liked it for real Zs. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Doug Benson quite possibly might be the worst poster boy for weed alive. | ||
| I just did this getting Doug with hi, and he would ask a question, and then I'd be starting to answer, and he goes, what are you talking about? | ||
| Completely forgot what... | ||
| Well, in his defense, listen to what you just said 30 seconds ago about Godzilla hacking with computers and using nuclear war. | ||
| Well, no, I was just saying if Godzilla was like a drama. | ||
| It is a drama. | ||
| It's a horror movie. | ||
| No, I mean like King Kong was hacking Godzilla and made it like a... | ||
|
unidentified
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Picture view. | |
| But this... | ||
| This idea that Doug Benson smokes too much pot, we should explore this. | ||
| Because I know he enjoys the marijuana, and I know he's been an activist and letting people know, but this type of behavior is perhaps negative to the cause. | ||
| He makes me laugh. | ||
|
unidentified
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He gets so high! | |
| It's so funny, though. | ||
| He gets so high all the time. | ||
| And he gets visually high, which makes it so much more funnier. | ||
| Oh, he closes up like razor slits. | ||
| He closes up like there's no eyes in there. | ||
| Like, where's your eyes, man? | ||
| You don't have any eyes. | ||
| Dom Herrera if he was a pirate or something. | ||
| Imagine if Dom Herrera smoked pot, we'd have to get him a cane. | ||
| We'd have to get him one of those blind canes. | ||
| We'd have to get him a dog. | ||
| That Ebola thing about the eyes, though, that really freaked me out. | ||
| It should. | ||
| It should. | ||
| Ebola has been living in people's eyes. | ||
| The guys that had Ebola has been staying in his eyes, changing their eye colors from green to blue and having blurry vision. | ||
| And then when he gets it checked, his eyes are not as strong anymore. | ||
| They're more of like a mushier version of his eyes. | ||
| Yeah, they said that it actually was affecting the structure of his eye. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| And what's weird is when I went to my eye doctor, they said my eye structure was fucked and that I had scarring in the back for some reason. | ||
| You don't have Ebola, dude. | ||
| You'd be so much skinnier. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Yeah, they lose a shitload of weight. | ||
| Well, what if I just have, like... | ||
| They shit their brains out. | ||
| A lazy version of it or a sleeping... | ||
| Maybe you're like a survivor. | ||
| You're one of those carriers. | ||
| Like, there's some girls that can give you herpes, but they don't show any signs of herpes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, this guy right here... | ||
| Some girls. | ||
| Notice I blame it all on the girls. | ||
| Well, one of the symptoms is blurry vision. | ||
| She started tripping out of what I've been trying to deal with myself. | ||
| Well, I don't think you... | ||
| You have to consider a couple things when you're talking about your eyes. | ||
| You definitely don't have to think about Ebola. | ||
| But you do have to think about taking care of your health. | ||
| You don't take care of your health. | ||
| And I've told you before, it freaks me out. | ||
| Well, I've cut out things like boner pills recently. | ||
| Well, you definitely should cut out those. | ||
| Look, they have Viagra and Cialis and stuff like that, and it's scientifically proven. | ||
| You can adjust your dosage. | ||
| You don't know what you're taking when you take those things. | ||
| And a lot of times you are taking Cialis. | ||
| You are taking Viagra. | ||
| What's weird is Lamar Oden, who just recently went to the hospital for... | ||
| They found him at the Bunny Ranch. | ||
| He had supposedly cocaine around and these boner pills, these gas station boner pills. | ||
| What's so weird about the whole thing, about two days before that happened, I found out the FDA.gov on their front page, if you go to it right now, has a whole thing about these boner pills. | ||
| And they also have links to every single boner pill that you can buy. | ||
| I keep my wrappers like... | ||
| Because they come in these, like, cardboards. | ||
| You saved them, like, baseball cards. | ||
| I saved baseball cards. | ||
| They're cool! | ||
| Because they all have really good artwork. | ||
| Oh, such good artwork. | ||
| It's just like David Cho's work. | ||
| It's like a Mona Lisa on those things, man. | ||
| So I looked at my favorite one. | ||
| My favorite one has Viagra in it, the Mexican version of Viagra in it. | ||
| But a lot of them also have steroids in them. | ||
| And if you can go through this, this is the hidden agreement. | ||
| A lot of them are steroids, generic names for Viagra. | ||
| Well, you know, that was Anderson Silva's excuse when he tested positive for steroids. | ||
| That makes 100%. | ||
| He took a Chinese Viagra, but what they think is, this is actually one way it could be of what he said could be true, that he might have gotten some sort of, he might have called it Viagra, but it might have been like some super strong boner pill that also has steroids in it. | ||
| But what they were thinking is that with a company that makes this Viagra or Cialis or whatever it was also makes steroids and they just didn't clean their batch and some of it got contaminated, which does happen. | ||
| We've actually run tests on different supplements that we have, like AlphaBrain, and during the early days when we first started doing it, We would notice that there would be a certain inconsistency in the amount of something. | ||
| It was just like... | ||
| Minor, but enough to be like, hmm. | ||
| And then occasionally we would find something in a supplement. | ||
| Like, we never found it in Alpha Brain or True Mood or something like that, but I know they found it in like, well, you get like a B12 supplement and it has vitamin A in it for some reason. | ||
| And everybody's like, well, how'd that get in there? | ||
| Because you're getting your stuff from like bulk. | ||
| You're getting it from, a lot of people are getting with, if they're getting like tribulus, I know you used to buy that stuff, right? | ||
| Or if you're getting vitamins, you're getting them from these bulk suppliers. | ||
| Like my friend Larry used to run that vitamin company. | ||
| And when you get stuff from bulk suppliers, like a lot of times they're mixing their stuff in these vats and they just don't clean them. | ||
| They do a shitty job of cleaning them. | ||
| Most of the time, you're okay, but if someone fucks up and doesn't do their job or you deal with some low-level company that doesn't take care of their shit, you definitely, definitely, definitely can get steroids and things along those lines inside, like protein powders and inside muscle supplements. | ||
| They shouldn't be there. | ||
| But then there's also, some of them, they just put steroids in there. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because steroids work. | ||
| And you can get cheap Chinese steroids, and you just throw them in your boner pills, and you're like, I wanna fuck like a gorilla. | ||
| That's because you're juiced up, man. | ||
| You're actually on steroids. | ||
| And it will fuck with your mood. | ||
| We had that Jeff Nowitzki guy. | ||
| He's the guy who works for the US Anti-Doping Agency, and he's the guy who busted Lance Armstrong, and now he works for the UFC. And he's, you know, doing all these crazy random drug tests. | ||
| He told us about all the different substances that the Olympic Committee and the FDA finds out test positive for steroids. | ||
| And we're like, well, how many are there? | ||
| So we go to the fucking website. | ||
| There's a website where it lists each one of them. | ||
| We didn't even get through the A's. | ||
| We were in the A's and there was hundreds of them that are just steroids. | ||
| So when you're going to the, you know, Local vitamin shop and you're seeing, you know, muscle build, 5,000, some fucking guys shredded on it. | ||
| A lot of those are steroids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A lot, especially more so back in the day than today because they're a little bit better at busting people and there's a little bit less people that are willing to take the chance of getting arrested or of getting sued or whatever. | ||
| But there's a lot of that shit that's just... | ||
| There's so much monkey business involved in those kind of muscle building things. | ||
| Well, it's really dangerous because all the ones I had were on the FDA.gov. | ||
| And so then I started taking each one of the boner pills and showing, like, looking at every single ingredient that was in it. | ||
| A lot of them were roots and, like, mixing certain things with other things has never been tested. | ||
| And, like, if you have low blood pressure, you could die off these boner pills just from taking... | ||
| Well, also, if you're on a heart medication, like old dudes that have... | ||
| Heart attacks, they have to take nitrates, like nitroglycerin and stuff like that. | ||
| If you take that, like you ever seen in those movies, the guy would almost be about to take a heart attack, and he'd pop those little pills and chew them up. | ||
| He's got to get to my heart pills. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was always in those movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember? | |
| That was real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's real. | ||
| There are certain, I think it's nitroglycerin. | ||
| But certain things that you take, that if you are on those and then you take Viagra, it can be super fucking dangerous for you. | ||
| So these people that are just taking them, thinking that what's on that label is what's actually in it, a lot of times that's not the case. | ||
| A lot of times there's a bunch of extra shit in there. | ||
| The one that I recently have been taking ended up having Viagra in it, but they had a new formula version, which the FDA hasn't tried yet. | ||
| But the new formula version works really good, like way better than the old stuff. | ||
| But I think that has whatever's in it's making me trip. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably super bad for you. | ||
| It's probably some crazy stimulants. | ||
| Who knows, man? | ||
| You've got to buy stuff from reputable sources. | ||
| That's one thing that I disagree with people when they want to have total deregulation of drugs and things. | ||
| Man, you've got to be careful of people that are just going to sell you some shit and tell you it's one thing, but it's actually something else. | ||
| Like, there should be some form of regulation when it comes to things like, you know, anything that's got something in it that could be dangerous, where it's like a stimulant or those rip fuel type things that turned out to kill a bunch of people. | ||
| Like, you should... | ||
| There should be some accountability, and there also should be someone checking on that stuff. | ||
| Like, you kind of need someone checking to make sure that you're not going to... | ||
| Like, inadvertently give someone who thinks they're just going to get some herbal, you know, testosterone booster, you're actually going to give them steroids and Viagra, you know? | ||
| It should be GNC, wouldn't you say? | ||
| I mean, I bought rip fuel when I was in high school. | ||
| We used to all get on that shit in high school. | ||
| People have died from that stuff. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| That's why ephedra, like, you can't get that shit anymore. | ||
| People used to just buy ephedra. | ||
| You used to be able to buy that. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| That's fucking stimulant. | ||
| And a hardcore one, too. | ||
| And it just jacks your heart rate up, man. | ||
| My good buddy used to drink that Redline stuff every day before the gym, like five times a week, and he's drinking Red Bull four times a day anyway. | ||
| Well, he's lucky. | ||
| He's lucky he's alive. | ||
| I took rip fuel once before jiu-jitsu, and I literally thought I was going to have a heart attack. | ||
| It didn't make any sense why my heart was beating so fast. | ||
| I was like, I know I was working out, and I know I was exerting myself, but I was like, but this is just some next-level shit. | ||
| I have to stop. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I literally couldn't work out after a certain point. | ||
| I was like, my heart's beating too fast. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It's like, your heart's beating too fast, but you're not that tired. | ||
| It's like, your body's just weirding out on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just like, what's all this extra shit? | |
| Beep, beep! | ||
| And you used to be able to get it everywhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's a lot of that stuff, man. | ||
| A lot of that stuff. | ||
| And how do they even... | ||
| That's what I said from my experience of being involved with Onnit and the creation of AlphaBrain. | ||
| And when you find out your suppliers aren't doing the right thing, you find out that you've got to make sure that people are... | ||
| You have to test things and double test things every step of the way. | ||
| And when you're running a company like GNC, Jesus Christ, how many products do they have on their shelves? | ||
| They have aisles and aisles and hundreds of fucking things from hundreds of different companies and all of them are promoting weight loss and mental clarity and fitness enhancement and muscle gains and strength gains and size. | ||
| You're going to put on weight and like, boy, are you sure? | ||
| Is all this stuff legit? | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| They just go, what do you got? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you got? | |
| You got dick pills? | ||
| Bring them in here, bitch! | ||
| And if you went to a store and you got some testosterone booster, you know, it says, you know, boost testosterone, make you feel a lot, but it's really Viagra. | ||
| Also, your dick is hard all the time. | ||
| You'd be like, dude, I'm so full of testosterone. | ||
| My dick is hard all the time. | ||
| And it would psychologically make you feel like, yeah, I'm on this testosterone booster. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You would just go start buying it. | ||
| Like for guys, you give a guy something that makes his dick hard and they're gonna think that they found the fucking thing. | ||
| They found the fountain of youth. | ||
| They found it. | ||
| They found the holy grail. | ||
| It just makes it thicker and longer. | ||
| It's not even hard, right? | ||
| What? | ||
| These kinds are like a swelling of the dick, Mark. | ||
| What kinds? | ||
| Like these generic kinds with all these extra roots and stuff in it. | ||
| I don't know what you're taking. | ||
| I don't know what you're taking. | ||
| Will you take one if I give you... | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| I would have to have a scientist go over that shit with a fine-tooth comb. | ||
| Who knows what's in those things, man? | ||
| You don't even know who's making them. | ||
| I know. | ||
| This fucking spray paint artwork. | ||
| You're like, look at the artwork. | ||
| I'm definitely putting this in my body. | ||
| Hope it doesn't do any permanent damage. | ||
| Gee, why is my eyesight going all fucking wonky? | ||
| You're seeing things wiggle in front of your eyes. | ||
| Also, you know, that's a symptom of diabetes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't have diabetes. | ||
| Did you go to the doctor? | ||
| Well, I mean, my last checkup, I was fine. | ||
| How many years ago was that? | ||
| A year and a half. | ||
| Did you have those symptoms a year and a half ago? | ||
| No. | ||
| But I also wasn't taking boner pills that have crazy shit in them. | ||
| Well, that's true. | ||
| I mean, you know, I would eliminate possibilities. | ||
| Wow, yeah. | ||
| That's what I'm doing right now. | ||
| I'm not doing that anymore. | ||
| You've got to stop drinking every night. | ||
| You've got to stop smoking. | ||
| Stop doing that also. | ||
| I've been drinking like every other night maybe. | ||
| That's better. | ||
| That's better than every night. | ||
| Secret to not drinking. | ||
| But what about the smoking? | ||
| Don't go to the comedy store. | ||
| How much do you smoke? | ||
| Same. | ||
| Like pack a day. | ||
| You did so well. | ||
| And then you just fold it up again. | ||
| Oh, that's another thing. | ||
| The reason why I originally went to the FDA, I just remembered, is because my favorite cigarette, which is a new cigarette, got recalled from the FDA because they said that they were not tested. | ||
| Just fucking imagine how bad your cigarettes have to be for the FDA to go, you know what? | ||
| These cigarettes are fucked up. | ||
| Those other ones that are killing people at a rate of 500,000 premature deaths per year in this country alone. | ||
| They're like, this one's too fucked up. | ||
| Camel Whites and Camel Crush, they were not allowed to be sold because they never have been tested, and they were using all different new filters. | ||
| They had things that broke and made mint inside the cigarette. | ||
| Maybe it's just people that don't like white people. | ||
| That's one thing. | ||
| If you're going to have Camels, those are white people's cigarettes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, it's white people's cigarettes. | ||
| Cools or black people's cigarettes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Barbara Lights is a white woman. | |
| Cools are either secretaries who are super stressed out, who are single moms. | ||
| They'll smoke Cools occasionally, and they're tanned. | ||
| They go to tanning booths. | ||
| Or black eyes. | ||
| I'm a cigarette expert, yo. | ||
| Newports. | ||
| Who smokes Newports? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Black people and people who like black people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| People hang out with black people. | ||
| They smoke Newports. | ||
| The worst is when you meet a white person that smokes menthols. | ||
| You're like, what happened to you, man? | ||
| Camel unfiltered. | ||
| It's all white guys who are trappers. | ||
| They're all like fishermen and trappers and shit, and they fucking, they have hides, tanning hides on the side of their house. | ||
| You know, they tack down a hide and stretch down those Alaska shows. | ||
| Those are the guys who smoke Camel Unfiltereds. | ||
| The only reason I smoke is because James Dean used to smoke lucky cigarettes, and I was like, I'm gonna be like James Dean. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| Lucky unfiltered. | ||
| You know what else James Dean smoked? | ||
| Polls. | ||
| He smoked polls, too. | ||
| So he probably just liked things in his mouth. | ||
| I mean, nothing wrong with that, but maybe he shouldn't do what he does. | ||
| What do you think about Playboy, man? | ||
| Like, taking all the nudity out of this. | ||
| You're very upset. | ||
| Bailey J. had the funniest tweet about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, she goes, there's girls online that have fists up their assholes. | ||
| You weren't reading Playboy. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's true. | ||
| It's totally true. | ||
| It's just fucking true. | ||
| Larry Flint was on CNN the other day, and he said it perfect. | ||
| Like, you're taking your bread and butter away. | ||
| He's like, Hugh Hefner's just a horrible businessman. | ||
| The magazine's fine. | ||
| Don't touch it. | ||
| Well, he's old. | ||
| I don't think he's necessarily running things anymore. | ||
| And I think the fact that we're talking about it means it was a good idea. | ||
| Because we're talking about it. | ||
| No one talked about Playboy. | ||
| Like, Playboy, nobody gave a fuck. | ||
| They literally have to do something like this in order to get people to talk about it. | ||
| It might be a good idea. | ||
| Honestly, I mean, I'm the shittiest businessman of all time because I literally don't think about business ever at all. | ||
| I just do shit that I like to do and try to work as hard as I can and try to keep going. | ||
| Find things that I'm interested in and keep going. | ||
| I never sit down and go, what's the best business model? | ||
| What I need to do for my brand, I need to expand. | ||
| What I need to do is I need to create some sort of a publicity stunt. | ||
| But if I was going to engineer a publicity stunt, That's the best one. | ||
| You take either that or you show cumming. | ||
| You just show a lot of hair pulling and nutting in people's faces. | ||
| You show, like, hardcore choking and mascara and snot coming out of a girl's nose and balls hitting chins. | ||
| You're either going to go one way or the other. | ||
| Either you're going to go the route of the internet and the internet's going to out-internet you every fucking time. | ||
| Or... | ||
| You're going to decide, you know what, we're a gentleman's magazine now. | ||
| You can get plenty of porn. | ||
| You don't need us for that. | ||
| You're not buying this in an airport with plastic. | ||
| You're not going to go jerk off in your hotel room with this. | ||
| You're just not. | ||
| You have a laptop. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But... | ||
| They can offer good articles, right? | ||
| There's people that have written for Playboy that were really good writers. | ||
| There's some really good stories that have been written for Playboy, but it was always sort of obscured by the fact that really what you were doing was buying it for chicks. | ||
| That was the inside joke. | ||
| It's like, oh, I read it for the articles. | ||
| That was the inside joke. | ||
| Like, people would laugh about how nobody really read it for the articles. | ||
| But if you go and, like, you ever see, like, Frank Sinatra interview, those interviews in Playboy? | ||
| These two, have you ever seen those? | ||
| I actually have never read one single article in a Playboy. | ||
| Actually, the interviews are classic. | ||
| I did an interview with Playboy a long time ago, and that's when I got into it with Dennis Leary. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That was from one of those Playboy interviews. | ||
| Playboy's always had really good interviews. | ||
| Like I said, I used to have this coffee table book of all the great interviews over the years in Playboy. | ||
| But the whole feel of Playboy to me was always style. | ||
| Like, it was artistic. | ||
| You know, Hugh Hefner was an artist that, you know, made women look beautiful. | ||
| And like, you wanted to see whatever... | ||
| Sigourney Weaver naked. | ||
| Sigourney Weaver never got naked? | ||
| Did it? | ||
| You wanted to see her get naked. | ||
| Pamela Anderson. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Classy. | |
| Sigourney Weaver. | ||
| Yeah, I know what you're saying. | ||
| Yeah, you wanted to see a classy... | ||
| That's where Kardashian should have had her butt shots instead of that other thing. | ||
| It was too late, though. | ||
| By the time she came along, it was a ghost town. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But Playboy, yeah, no one's talking about Playboy because no one's talking about magazines at all. | ||
| Anything about magazines. | ||
| Playboy's problem, I think, is like what Larry Flynn was saying. | ||
| Their business is all fucked up. | ||
| Playboy's, I believe, is subscription-based. | ||
| To listen to Playboy Radio, you have to pay $7 a month. | ||
| You do? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not like you can just turn on all Playboy Radio. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Is it on Sirius? | ||
| It used to be on Sirius, but I think Sirius was like, eh, we don't care about this anymore. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It used to be $10 a month, though, or something like that. | ||
| But are you sure it's not on Sirius anymore? | ||
| I don't think it is anymore. | ||
| Why don't you Google that real quick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Playboy Sirius Radio. | |
| The model is definitely dying. | ||
| The magazine model. | ||
| Okay, here we go. | ||
| On March 9th, 2013, Kevin Kline and Andrea announced that Playboy Morning Show, that the Playboy will no longer be featured on SiriusXM. | ||
| You can only go to playboyradio.com. | ||
| And they want you to pay for it. | ||
| Playboyradio.com, yeah. | ||
| See, that's a big mistake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a big mistake to get people to pay for it, because why would they do that when you can get the TED Radio Hour, you can get Getting Doug with High, you can get Kill Tony, you can get The Church of What's Happening Now, you can get fucking... | ||
| There's so many podcasts that are amazing and they're free. | ||
| For Playboy to come along and say, hey, we want $10 a month or $7 a month or whatever it is, it's $7 a month too much or $10 a month too much. | ||
| It's just you can't do it. | ||
| It's a shitty model. | ||
| You're operating on this idea that, like, subscription-based stuff still exists, and it really doesn't, unless it's something like Netflix. | ||
| Just think about how arrogant you would have to be to want seven dollars a month for your fucking podcast, your radio show, when you can get Netflix for nine bucks a month. | ||
| They raised it, right? | ||
| They made it nine now. | ||
| I think Netflix did. | ||
| Still a great deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Still amazing. | |
| Amazing deal. | ||
| Just stop and think about that. | ||
| Think about how many fucking stand-up comedy specials. | ||
| I believe, oh, I can't even say that. | ||
| I'm not supposed to say that. | ||
| But, um, look, just think Bill Burr specials. | ||
| Tom Segura just shot his second special. | ||
| You know, fuck, I did one on Netflix in 2005. So it's like, you think about all, it's ten bucks now, is that what you're showing me? | ||
| No. | ||
| Playboy Radio? | ||
| Playboy Radio is $4.17 a month. | ||
| If you do a 12-month subscription, if you do it for one month, it's what? | ||
| Well, it's 17%. | ||
| About $5 a month. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So $5 a month. | ||
| It's more reasonable, but still ridiculous. | ||
| No one's paying that. | ||
| Bad business model. | ||
| It's a terrible business model. | ||
| They're talking about doing that with Howard Stern. | ||
| They were talking about doing that with something like Spotify and making... | ||
| And the way they were talking was so gross. | ||
| And I said they. | ||
| I mean these business analysts who are quoting people who supposedly work for this show. | ||
| It could be all bullshit. | ||
| It could be all rumors. | ||
| But the way they were saying it was like they were banking on it. | ||
| You know, because... | ||
| At the end of the day, if there's anybody that can get people to pay for some sort of a podcast, it's him. | ||
| Howard Stern's got the most loyal listeners. | ||
| He's been around the longest time. | ||
| For them, he's a part of their daily commute and has been for decades. | ||
| But they were talking about doing it where it's like $7 a month for his show. | ||
| And they were like, we could get 10 million listeners. | ||
| So we'd be getting $70 million a month. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| You really think you're going to get 10 million people that are going to pay $7 a month for a podcast? | ||
| 10 million? | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Good fuck. | ||
| That's crazy talk. | ||
| But listen to someone say something like that. | ||
| I was like, ooh, look how they think. | ||
| They're just looking at it like, ooh, this is a business. | ||
| Not like, let's just keep doing the most kick-ass radio show in the history of the world. | ||
| Let's keep having these amazing guests. | ||
| Isn't it crazy? | ||
| Howard's been on the air for decades and he's got all this stuff banked up. | ||
| You can listen to Howard 100 and hear classic interviews from back. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Let's keep this better and better. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| That's not how they think. | ||
| They think, How do we make money off of him? | ||
| How do we take this guy and how do we turn this into 10 million subscribers paying $70 a month? | ||
| And then they're all thinking, if I just get a piece of that, if I get a piece of that, they're looking at their house in the Hamptons and they're thinking about their Porsche they'll be driving. | ||
| All right, and then you got all these people around you that are like grabbing and pulling and tugging. | ||
| That's what it's like if you work for some big giant-ass corporation that feeds off of having a bunch of different shows on its network. | ||
| Like if you work for some corporation like a like a Sirius XM or Playboy or anything like that like they need to keep that fucking thing alive. | ||
| Like we need money coming in. | ||
| We cannot just operate on ideas. | ||
| We need money coming in. | ||
| Well, I think we can get Playboy Radio, and people will pay about $7 a month. | ||
| Let's do it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seven! | |
| Make that money! | ||
| How many people do you think we're going to make? | ||
| I think about a million a month. | ||
| A million a month! | ||
| Five million a month! | ||
| We're out of the hole! | ||
| We're out of the hole in six months! | ||
| And people start thinking like that. | ||
| And then, you know... | ||
| But what the fuck do I know? | ||
| I don't know shit. | ||
| Larry Flint also said, you know, like, look, Playboy probably has 43 writers. | ||
| You know, they probably have a shitload of writers. | ||
| He's like, I have seven. | ||
| He's like, he's like, Larry Flint said that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it makes sense. | ||
| He's like, Larry Flint's like, I make a profit every month. | ||
| They don't. | ||
| You know, I mean, and... | ||
| He's got hardcore shit on his, you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His magazine's hardcore as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I still buy, you know, Penthouse. | ||
| I still buy Penthouse occasionally. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| You don't buy Penthouse? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why are you lying? | |
| No, I do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just... | |
| I swear to God, I do. | ||
| I bought one the other day. | ||
| American money. | ||
| American money. | ||
| You don't use Bitcoin or anything like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's like, oh, it's my ex-girlfriend on the cover. | ||
| I might buy it. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Yeah, I just don't think that they can make it. | ||
| It's like you can scrape out as much money as you have, keep a skeleton crew, run those magazines as long as you can, as long as they're profitable, but be ready to pull that chute. | ||
| Be ready to pull that shoot. | ||
| Because now you can just get shit on your iPad. | ||
| That's new. | ||
| And then they have these things that are essentially like Spotify for your iPad. | ||
| So you can choose from a bunch of different magazines like Time and Newsweek and all these different magazines. | ||
| You can get them on your iPad. | ||
| Go through it. | ||
| You download it. | ||
| Each page is a full image. | ||
| You can stretch it out and move it. | ||
| It's so much better. | ||
| It's so much better. | ||
| And once they start doing it like that where you have these subscriptions... | ||
| You know, it's not going to last. | ||
| The actual print thing is just not going to be around anymore. | ||
| Why would you want that print thing? | ||
| It's killing paper. | ||
| It's killing trees rather than make that paper. | ||
| You could just get the thing downloaded to your phone instantly. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| It's just ones and zeros in the air. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's not going to make it. | ||
| It's like the dudes who are Morse code. | ||
| You know, like, listen, I'm telling you, this is the way to talk. | ||
| It'll never go away. | ||
| We'll always need Morse code. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Nobody knows how to do that anymore. | ||
| SOS. Remember? | ||
| It was one, two, three. | ||
| One, two, three. | ||
| S-O-S. One, two, three is an S. Imagine being one of those assholes that actually has to sit there and try to figure out how many beeps that guy just did, and you're spacing out, and he's beeping at you. | ||
| We're getting a message from the Western Front. | ||
| You gotta write all that down. | ||
| Oh my god, and then you figure out when is the word done. | ||
| You fuck, you didn't put enough of a pause in. | ||
| You still did that in Boy Scouts, SOS. Did you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We had to know how to do it. | ||
| We had to know what the signal was. | ||
| One, two, three, one, two, three. | ||
| But I mean, how are you going to send it? | ||
| What are you sending it with? | ||
| Are you going to bang on a drum? | ||
| Ham radio. | ||
| Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. | ||
| If you have an AM radio, you can't transmit. | ||
| Ham. | ||
| Oh, ham radio. | ||
| That was a big thing, man. | ||
| Still is. | ||
| I remember my uncle, he would always let me play with it. | ||
| He'd be like, yeah, this guy's in Japan right now. | ||
| And you're like, oh, hi, you're in Japan? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| How are we talking right now? | ||
| It was a cool thing to do, but to go online and start a chat with some guy from Japan, he's going to show you his dick. | ||
| It's just a matter of time. | ||
| There's no friendship thing like that, like ham radio. | ||
| Back then, if you were on the radio with some guy, and you're like, so, what time is it in Germany? | ||
| Time for me to fuck your mother. | ||
| They didn't talk like that. | ||
| They didn't talk like internet people. | ||
| They had to actually speak to each other. | ||
| So because that element of you say something, someone reacts, there was probably way less trolling. | ||
| And you could get in trouble, too. | ||
| You could get your ham radio license taken away from you if you do shitty things. | ||
| I don't even think you're allowed to swear. | ||
| I think on a ham radio, I think there's restrictions on language. | ||
| It is regulated, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| I know they're going to make you register your drones now. | ||
| So it's going to be like a car. | ||
| You're going to have to get a fishing license, probably, every time you get a drone. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| That was only a matter of time. | ||
| I was in... | ||
| Alberta last year, or this spring rather, and this guy had one that was attached to a cell phone. | ||
| And he's flying it around, and we're watching the image on the cell phone, you know, because it's transmitting, and I was like, this is fucking crazy. | ||
| This is way too good. | ||
| It's way too good. | ||
| Way too good and way too easy, because he's just maneuvering it. | ||
| You know, moving it around. | ||
| You can do it with your phone. | ||
| You can do it with a remote. | ||
| The ones that they have now, there's a lot of them, too. | ||
| A lot of different models. | ||
| They're fucking really good, man. | ||
| Yeah, I was thinking about getting one a while ago, but I think I'll wait it out. | ||
| It looks like it would be fun just to do, like, cool video stuff. | ||
| Yeah, it is cool. | ||
| I mean, they're still cool. | ||
| I wonder if you get grandfathered in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like if you have an AK-47 or something and they can't come and take it. | |
| Yeah, buy them now. | ||
| You posted the wrong link also on your Twitter. | ||
| For what? | ||
| So you guys are on YouTube now streaming instead of Ustreaming. | ||
| Oh, did I post the Ustream? | ||
| Oops. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It looks great on YouTube, though. | ||
| I'm looking at the picture quality right now. | ||
| How do I find it right now, Jamie, if I want to find it? | ||
| So we're not on Ustream? | ||
| I just tweeted the right one. | ||
| We still haven't figured out how to do the Ustream. | ||
| At the same time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright, hold on. | ||
| You should be able to just split it. | ||
| The video signal twice. | ||
| Yeah, it's not... | ||
| It doesn't work that way. | ||
| I saw ham radio stuff. | ||
| It's amateur radio. | ||
| There's regulations. | ||
| But it depends on how big... | ||
| Probably how strong your ham radio signal is. | ||
| So if you can broadcast really strongly, then you become like your own little radio station. | ||
| And then you have regulations. | ||
| How does that technology work to where people in other countries are... | ||
| Listening to it, though, what kind of radio station is this? | ||
| It's better than FM? Because it's a low-frequency signal that's making it. | ||
| You can get AM radio from all over the place, just in your house. | ||
| You can get radio from... | ||
| AM radio. | ||
| Radio goes further. | ||
| AM radio, rather, goes further than FM. It just doesn't have as high a bandwidth. | ||
| I find it amazing when people are still listening to radio. | ||
| That's another one. | ||
| I thought that would have been gone, too. | ||
| I still listen to it, unfortunately. | ||
| But I have friends that work in it, and it's brutal. | ||
| You watch the way they work, it's the same thing. | ||
| Because what they're doing, right, besides the playing record part, what they're doing is a podcast. | ||
| And the playing record part would be fucking infinitely easier. | ||
| Infinitely easier if you could do it on a podcast. | ||
| If you could just play records on a podcast, you don't need a bunch of people working behind the scenes, you could just play it. | ||
| If you could just play anything you wanted, but you can't really. | ||
| You could play it, but there's fair use. | ||
| You could use something in certain podcasts, but it's not 100% clearly defined right now. | ||
| But for Radio Man... | ||
| Dude, I talk to... | ||
| I don't want to say their names. | ||
| But they're good guys. | ||
| And they're fun guys. | ||
| And I like doing their show. | ||
| But one of them was telling me that they just got done with their... | ||
| You know, they have a review where the company comes and sits him down. | ||
| He goes, they fucking hate everything we do. | ||
| We've been successful for decades. | ||
| They've been around forever. | ||
| And he goes, I've never had one of these meetings where they say we're doing great. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Everything is bad. | ||
| Everything is not good. | ||
| They're always looking to cut staff. | ||
| They're always looking to fire people. | ||
| It's just like this total negative meeting with these misers and these money people and these numbers crunchers. | ||
| And they're like, we We have to maximize profits. | ||
| We have a strategy to maximize profits. | ||
| We're going to need more commercials. | ||
| We want to add more commercials. | ||
| So, like, you'll do a break, and then they'll play, like, seven minutes of commercials, and then they'll play a song, and then you go back to talking again. | ||
| You're like, what is this fucking commercial thing you guys are doing? | ||
| Because how many of those can you do in an hour? | ||
| You got seven, and then you got another seven. | ||
| What, you got a half an hour worth of fucking commercials in an hour? | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| But it's almost getting to that point with a lot of these radio stations. | ||
| They just have so much, man. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I do it out of pure how easy it is in my car. | ||
| You turn on your car, the radio turns on. | ||
| It's kind of like background noise to a point. | ||
| But that's the only reason I listen to radio. | ||
| If it gets to the point where it just automatically turns on my Spotify and my car, then I would... | ||
| Yeah, it will. | ||
| You know, Sirius is so much better in that sense. | ||
| Like, when I listen to Opie and Jimmy, it's like they're swearing. | ||
| They're being honest and swearing, but even they have to worry about being fired. | ||
| They have to worry about some sort of a public outrage situation when they say something crazy and people demand their ouster and the heads will roll and the corporation has to bow down. | ||
| Well, you know, we've reviewed your file and we've found that this is not the first time you've said anything outrageous, Anthony Cumia. | ||
| You know, that's what he got paid for. | ||
| And they were like, you're out. | ||
| He tweeted a bunch of horrible shit. | ||
| Really, the great thing would be to have him come in and justify what he said or explain himself or apologize on the air or say he was drunk or address it the way he would have dressed it. | ||
| And if he did do that, the fucking ratings would be giant. | ||
| If they were smart about their business, the business model, that's how they would handle it. | ||
| You've got a built-in ratings boost right there. | ||
| Let people talk more about it. | ||
| Have people bitch more. | ||
| What you should do is tweet some... | ||
| You should have a sock-puppeted account where you tweet some of the other outrageous shit that he said over the past five years. | ||
| Just spam it. | ||
| Spam it out there. | ||
| It's only going to help. | ||
| It's only going to help. | ||
| Is it going to get more people pissed off? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Is it going to get more people to call up? | ||
| We're going to cancel Sirius. | ||
| Are you really? | ||
| If that's all it takes, if it's all it takes for you to cancel Sirius, fuck off. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| One guy says a few retarded things after he gets drunk and some hooker beats him up while he's holding a gun and he doesn't do anything about it. | ||
| Come on, that's a great story. | ||
| If that's what's going to get you to quit Sirius, Then go quit, bitch. | ||
| They need to be able to say that. | ||
| Go quit. | ||
| It's a dead model. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's just a better version of the dead model. | ||
| What they are is like, they're like a Betamax. | ||
| Like, the VHS was doomed. | ||
| It didn't even know it was doomed. | ||
| It was like a little bridge before we can get to digital media. | ||
| And the Betamax was just better. | ||
| It's like a better bridge. | ||
| Betamax was way better. | ||
| Better quality. | ||
| LaserDisc. | ||
| Yeah, LaserDisc. | ||
| Even better. | ||
| That's better than DVD. Mm-hmm. | ||
| How about Blu-ray? | ||
| Blu-ray can go fuck itself. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| It's so amazing. | ||
| Look at the quality. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Good luck with it, too. | ||
| Why would I get that? | ||
| I could stream movies instantly. | ||
| Why don't I have to hold your stupid Frisbee? | ||
| True. | ||
| It's done. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| It's like they got us to that they got us to that but you can't do that anymore like that that model doesn't work anymore the model of like Broadcasting shit randomly through the air and you tune it in Oh, I got it on the dial. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Unless the apocalypse hits, that's fucking stupid. | ||
| You know, just stop. | ||
| Everybody's got their own station. | ||
| Remember when Christian Slater, he was a rebel, and he broadcasted, even though he wasn't supposed to? | ||
| It was like, turn it up or something like that. | ||
| Turn the radio, whatever the fuck that stupid movie was called. | ||
| Pump up the volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But that's what he was doing. | ||
| What he was doing was just a really low-rent podcast. | ||
| He was, I'm going to play real music, man. | ||
| I'm going to say what I think. | ||
| We're going to change the world. | ||
| No, you're not. | ||
| It doesn't change the world. | ||
| Podcasts don't change the world. | ||
| Serious radio, being able to swear, it doesn't change the world. | ||
| The culture is slowly going to evolve when people are allowed to communicate with each other. | ||
| But the idea that one guy is going to start a revolution, I'm going to tell the truth with my radio show. | ||
| Listen, buddy. | ||
| It's not going to happen. | ||
| Your bone structure is too perfect. | ||
| You have wonderful hair. | ||
| And the movie you're in sucks. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| I just had a flashback. | ||
| Look at this phone. | ||
| This is big ass. | ||
| That's a cordless phone. | ||
| That's not even a... | ||
| That's supposed to be some satellite phone or some shit like that. | ||
| I guess that's supposed to be a cell phone, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess that's supposed to be like one of those early... | ||
| That's like a really cool version of the early cell phone. | ||
| Was it like high school kids listening to his show? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| He was changing the world with those kids. | ||
| I bet a lot of people listen to this podcast and their parents find out about it. | ||
| Well, you better get that off your phone. | ||
| That Joe Rogan and his marijuana talk. | ||
| Get it off your phone. | ||
| He doesn't even believe in our Lord. | ||
| Have you seen... | ||
| Not that I don't. | ||
| It's not true. | ||
| I don't not believe in God. | ||
| I don't disbelieve in God, just to be clear. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| I've seen no evidence. | ||
| Have you seen Manny Pacquiao's Instagram page, though? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's wonderful. | ||
| He's got a picture. | ||
| It's one of the goofiest pictures. | ||
| If you thought Dane Cook's Instagram was a hoot, you need to go to... | ||
| Go to Manny Pacquiao's Instagram and see what's going on with this dude. | ||
| I have a huge Dan Cook Instagram fetish, I tell you. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Make his name famous. | ||
| Make Jesus' name famous. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it says Glorify Apparel. | ||
| So apparently, this is like a real shirt company. | ||
| These are people that worked for American Apparel, but they got head injuries on the job, and they decided to form their own business with the money that they were getting from... | ||
| It looks like that store Lids made it. | ||
| It looks really basic. | ||
| It looks like a moss shirt that you could just get printed out in like 30 minutes. | ||
| I was trying to say something. | ||
| I couldn't remember what I was going to say. | ||
| I was trying to rant there, Brian. | ||
| Oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| American Apparel, whatever. | ||
| Head injury. | ||
| Head injury. | ||
| Make his name famous. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Jesus is like, what? | ||
| That's it? | ||
| So this is all advertising for this country? | ||
| It's all Jesus. | ||
| It's all Jesus, people. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Do you remember on TVs where it used to have... | ||
| I just had like a flashback. | ||
| Grace upon grace. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Grace upon grace. | ||
| That's some lesbian shit. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| Can't say that. | ||
| That's like having a shirt that says, let Jesus come inside you. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Even though I know what you're saying, you can't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Adopted. | |
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| So what were you saying? | ||
| I just had a flashback. | ||
| Remember on old TVs where you used to have a knob, but then you had that knob that was in the middle of the knob where you used to fine tune the channel. | ||
| So like if you turn it to like channel four, then you had this other knob. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I forgot all about that second knob. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there was UHF and VHF. Yeah. | ||
| And UHF was like the... | ||
| One of them was like the good channels. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the other one was like Benny Hill. | ||
| And AM radio. | ||
| Remember, Benny Hill wasn't on the regular TV. He was on the bullshit networks. | ||
| I forgot about that, though. | ||
| I did, too. | ||
| Yeah, I did, too. | ||
| There's a fucking hilarious horror movie called VHS. It's like one of those found footage ones where these people... | ||
| But the first one is actually pretty fucking cool. | ||
| It's one of those movies like, God damn it, if you could keep this up, if you could keep this up through the whole movie, it'll be pretty badass because it's a bunch of stories. | ||
| And the first one, spoiler alert! | ||
| The first one is about a girl who's a demon, and this guy picks this girl up at a club, but she turns out to be a demon. | ||
| But it's actually really well done. | ||
| It's freaky. | ||
| They're drunk, and they pick her up, and she's got these really weird feet, and then they realize something's wrong with her, but she keeps telling them that she loves him, she loves him. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| But it's only like, watch it for 20 minutes, watch that first one, and then throw that fucking thing out the window if you have an actual copy. | ||
| A physical copy. | ||
| Blu-ray? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, if you have a Blu-ray. | |
| The other thing is they fucked up with their protocol battles. | ||
| With like, Blu-ray, and I have a bunch of DVDs that are HD DVDs you can't watch on anything. | ||
| A bunch of them. | ||
| I got a player if you want. | ||
| I don't even. | ||
| You could get them all on digital now. | ||
| But that's, see, that'll be the demise of our knowledge. | ||
| That's what's gonna happen. | ||
| If you just look, if you pay attention to when people talk about the possibilities of natural disasters, like somebody just posted this on the message board the other day, that America is basically a ticking time bomb. | ||
| It's based on some article that someone wrote. | ||
| Maybe I'll pull it up real quick. | ||
| But it was based on, see if you can find it, Jamie. | ||
| I think it's in the main forum. | ||
| It might be in the podcast forum. | ||
| But the idea was that there's this giant culture of entitled people. | ||
| Nobody knows how to do anything for self-sustaining. | ||
| Nobody knows how to grow their own food. | ||
| Nobody knows how to get water. | ||
| And we live in these giant population centers. | ||
| America is a bomb waiting to explode. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And it makes some really fucking good points. | ||
| Like when you go over it, it makes some really good points. | ||
| It's kind of freaky when you stop and think about how many different things we rely on that are, you know, hanging by a thread that easily could be taken out by a power grid. | ||
| Well, when you think about our knowledge, if we do, if something does happen, a solar flare or asteroid impact that wipes out, say, 20% of the population, stops the power and Man, if all of our shit breaks, if we lost half the people on Earth, If all of our shit stops working, computers stop working, and we really, we have to live like the early settlers. | ||
| Like, people are still alive, the people that are alive today still have the knowledge that they have of living 30 plus years with, you know, the education system and all the technology that's in place today. | ||
| These people still have, stop, these people still have those things, right? | ||
| How long could you use what we have? | ||
| You don't have any power. | ||
| Are you going to be able to generate power? | ||
| Some people might be able to. | ||
| There might be a few people with propane generators that still work, and some people might be figuring out how to rig solar or create batteries or use the batteries that we have, but all large-scale industrial shit would be stopped. | ||
| All construction and manufacturing would cease and desist. | ||
| And then all of our knowledge that's on these fucking computers and hard drives, inaccessible. | ||
| When I was in Ohio a couple years ago for Christmas break, maybe for about a week, there was a really bad winter storm, like an ice storm almost, and power was out almost for the large part of the state for almost an entire whole week. | ||
| I thought about that recently. | ||
| If that happened here, even for three days, this place would almost fall apart if there was no power in Los Angeles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People are soft as fuck here, first of all. | ||
| Soft as fuck. | ||
| Second of all, they wouldn't be able to keep food. | ||
| The difference between Ohio, you could put your food out in the garage, and it's cold as shit, and it would stay cold out there. | ||
| In the wintertime, out here, it's still 70 degrees, and your food's going to rot in a day. | ||
| In that article, it said one of the things that is holding on by a threat is the use of mind-altering drugs. | ||
| What was that all about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I didn't read the whole thing. | ||
| Maybe probably if you talk about antidepressants. | ||
| Number three. | ||
| FDA approved narcotics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of that. | ||
| Reuptake inhibitors. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, SSRIs. | ||
| Those are antidepressants. | ||
| Yeah, no more. | ||
| U.S. population was up 400% in the late 2000s over the 1990s. | ||
| Many of these drugs are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. | ||
| These are the type the FDA-approved narcotics loan gunmen are frequently associated with. | ||
| You know, that's so true that there's a giant percentage of people that wind up shooting people that are on antidepressants. | ||
| But in all fairness, you know, there's that... | ||
| Causation, causality, paradigm. | ||
| Like that, you know, causation does not equal causality. | ||
| The idea that something happening, like just because these two things are combined together, it doesn't mean that thing caused that thing. | ||
| And there's other factors that you have to prove. | ||
| I know people are saying, you're butchering that right now. | ||
| I know I'm butchering it. | ||
| But there's other factors that people have to take into consideration. | ||
| One of the big factors is, why was the guy on antidepressants in the first place? | ||
| Why was the guy on antipsychotic medication in the first place? | ||
| If he's on it, it doesn't mean the medication made him do that. | ||
| It might mean he's fucking crazy, and that's why he's taking shit, and that's why he eventually wound up killing somebody. | ||
| But it could be that, too. | ||
| It could be that. | ||
| And it also could be that the SSRIs with certain people have an effect that makes them less likely to feel. | ||
| They don't freak out about stuff as much. | ||
| It might make things acceptable to them, including violence. | ||
| That's the rub. | ||
| That's the scary thing. | ||
| Especially if you combine it with other shit. | ||
| Like, I know Phil Hartman's family, they won money from Zoloft, because Zoloft allegedly... | ||
| I wasn't there when the court happened, I might have to say allegedly. | ||
| It was what I read on the internet. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it's the case, though, because she was doing Zoloft when she shot him, and that if you take Zoloft and you combine it with recreational drugs, especially alcohol and cocaine, especially. | ||
| Cocaine is supposed to make you really nutty when you're doing coke and SSRIs. | ||
| It's a very crazy combination. | ||
| Yeah, and if, you know, we run out of depression pills or happy pills, you don't really see that in the movies. | ||
| Like, half the people are just going crazy and angry and depressed and sad. | ||
| It certainly could happen. | ||
| In the world movies. | ||
| But, you know, I'm worried about all that. | ||
| I'm worried about, it's not like, well, you should know, what you need to be worried about is this. | ||
| You know, people love to make that argument. | ||
| We're missing the point. | ||
| The point is this. | ||
| No, that's also the point. | ||
| You know, the world's not a black and white thing. | ||
| The world has a lot of points. | ||
| There's a lot of areas that we need to look at when it comes to the way human life is operating today and what we require to keep it operating at this level. | ||
| We need a lot of shit. | ||
| Think about what we need to run this podcast. | ||
| You know, we're talking about how such a small shoestring organization, because it's just, you know, just the three of us in this room, and it's reaching all these people. | ||
| But you still need, like, Libsyn, you still need, you know, you need, like, hosts, and you need websites, and you need the fiber optic to be laid, you need the ability to transmit, you need electricity. | ||
| There's, like, a lot of shit that has to be in play, and then when the power goes out, All of it stops. | ||
| All of it stops. | ||
| And if the power goes out for a year or two years, we might as well be living in Mad Max. | ||
| And that's a fact. | ||
| That's a fucking fact. | ||
| When people start getting desperate, and their kids don't have any food, and we're trying to figure out how to get gas, woo! | ||
| Shit's gonna get ugly. | ||
| You better pack. | ||
| If they say, ladies and gentlemen, prepare for at least a year of no power, You gotta fucking head north. | ||
| Immediately. | ||
| I mean fucking immediately. | ||
| I don't care what the traffic jams are like. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| Get out of here while you can. | ||
| You gotta get the fuck away from this powder keg. | ||
| Because there's a lot of really dumb people here. | ||
| And a lot of poor people. | ||
| And a lot of crime. | ||
| What are they gonna do? | ||
| Are they gonna keep the people in jail and make them starve to death? | ||
| The fuck they are. | ||
| They're gonna open those doors. | ||
| And whoa! | ||
| Having enough gas to get out of here to live somewhere. | ||
| That might not even work. | ||
| That might not even work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just, this is a terrible place to be if everything stops. | ||
| Because there's too many people, and there's too many food requirements, and there's too many entitled dum-dums here. | ||
| There's too many people that would just fuck it up for everybody. | ||
| When you look at things like the riots, like the riots that happened, granted, they were reacting to A really, in their mind, a really important moment where Rodney King, you know, got beat up by these cops. | ||
| They saw one segment of a very long car chase and a prolonged fight with the cops. | ||
| But in the segment they saw, these cops are beating that guy with a fucking club. | ||
| They're beating the shit out of him. | ||
| They got acquitted. | ||
| So everybody went nuts. | ||
| But they went nuts against people that had nothing to do with it. | ||
| They went nuts with people like when they pulled that Reginald Denny out of the car and hit him in the head with a brick on TV. I'll never forget that. | ||
| Just that guy's out there right now. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| There's a guy like that guy. | ||
| Whether it's that guy specifically or a guy like him, he's out there right now waiting for the green light. | ||
| Waiting for it. | ||
| And there's a lot of them. | ||
| There's a lot of them. | ||
| And when there's no food, Man, no food and no water. | ||
| Those are not good combinations. | ||
| And no gasoline to get the food or water to here. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| So all this shit that we have, you know, we're so amazed at our progress. | ||
| We've done such an amazing job. | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| But it could all go away. | ||
| It could go away real quick. | ||
| And we're putting too much important things on our phones and our electronics. | ||
| Like if my phone dies right now and all electricity goes out, I don't have numbers to my friends and my family. | ||
| I don't have any ways to contact them, you know, personal information. | ||
| Yeah, I might know ten numbers. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't even know that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And another thing, my mom bought me one of those big medical books. | ||
| That's something that you don't even think about. | ||
| If we have no internet and you get an infection, you should know, oh, pour alcohol on it. | ||
| If you don't have alcohol, pee on it, or whatever you have to do. | ||
| I'm watching that Showtime show, The Nick. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| Showtime does some crazy shit, man. | ||
| They have to. | ||
| They're like Playboy. | ||
| Nobody gives a fuck about them anymore. | ||
| They gotta do something gangster to get noticed. | ||
| And it's so graphic. | ||
| The guy's, first of all, it's totally unrealistic. | ||
| The guy's suffering from massive cocaine withdrawals. | ||
| His whole body's going to convulsions. | ||
| He's about to die. | ||
| Every vein in his body's collapsed, so she's got to try to find, the nurse has to try to find a new vein to shoot cocaine into. | ||
| And once she does shoot the vein in, he's fine. | ||
| Now he's up and talking swift and knows his stuff. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| This is what we're going to do. | ||
| I'll accept your resignation. | ||
| You know, like the way they do these operations, he's like this mastermind genius. | ||
| But five minutes ago, he was just spasming and flailing away because he couldn't get his cocaine and all his veins are collapsed. | ||
| They shoot it into him and now he's fine. | ||
| Do you see what's going on with Homeland? | ||
| It's kind of hilarious. | ||
| I've never watched it. | ||
| The artists that work for Homeland, they wrote shit in Arabic. | ||
| How about Homeland is a stupid show? | ||
| How about how Homeland is Islamophobic and Homeland is... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, find that. | ||
| It's kind of interesting. | ||
| See if you can find the actual images. | ||
| But what they did is, you know, the artists, they were supposed to... | ||
| Put images in the background, you know, they create these environments that are supposed to look like Bangladesh or, you know, Nepal or wherever the fuck they want to be, right? | ||
| And when they have Arabic writing, they have to bring in an artist to write the Arabic writing. | ||
| These people are just writing shit because they know that these dummies can't read Arabic and they're not checking or double-checking and Apparently they get shit wrong all the time accusing homeland of racism appearing in the latest episode Apparently they get shit wrong about like alliances and conflicts they make stuff up in order to make their show better The artist hired Ad Authenticity to a refugee scene shot in Germany. | ||
| Also scrawled messages as, Homeland is a joke and it didn't make us laugh. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| People get super sensitive about shows like that, you know? | ||
| You're dealing with... | ||
| A war-torn world that specifically focuses on the most war-torn aspects of the world. | ||
| All the places where the United States has military and they're battling fundamentalists. | ||
| Having these, you know, these scenes and they're putting them in these fictional shows and they're butchering the conflicts and they're... | ||
| When you do stuff like that, man, like if you're doing a show about Game of Thrones, you can do whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| You know, the Seven Kingdoms, you can have dragons. | ||
| You know, it's like Natasha Leggero calls the make-em-ups. | ||
| She doesn't like it because it's a make-em-up. | ||
| But what I don't like about this kind of a show is like if you're fucking around with the reality... | ||
| And if you twist the conflicts and you twist the alliances and you twist the actual historical events in order to make your show more smooth, the problem is people who are watching that show are going to believe you. | ||
| I know you're pretending that this is just fiction, but it's about real parts of the world. | ||
| They should have, like, the thing at the beginning, like, the following program is... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because, yeah, I would watch that and think, oh, this is based on true. | ||
| But even if they have the thing at the beginning, you're going to tune in the middle. | ||
| You know, you come in, you just took a shit, it's five minutes in, yeah, I'll pay attention to this. | ||
| You know, you missed all that stuff where they told you this bullshit. | ||
| But, you know, they'll make stuff up in order to make their show more interesting or more dramatic. | ||
| What are you doing over there? | ||
| Did you see that new technology where, like, me and you could be sitting in a room next to each other in the TV and I could make you talk by using my facial features and stuff? | ||
| You mean you could make the image of me talk? | ||
| Yeah, image of you talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How... | |
| I mean, that's a game changer. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty freaky. | ||
| Do you have that link? | ||
| I got this. | ||
| I could just send this to you. | ||
| In the future, we could be watching Obama on the TV and it wouldn't even be him talking. | ||
| Well, it wouldn't be him making those facial expressions. | ||
| You can manipulate the image of someone's facial expression. | ||
| I could make you have duck lips and make you raise your eyebrows and it would literally just alter the face of your image to match the expressions that I'm making. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or if I wanted to have a voice, you know, copy of it. | ||
| Like, say I have another technology where I can have you say a few words and then have a mimic voice that sounds exactly like you. | ||
| So then in the future I can have it look like you are saying something and be compelling. | ||
| Completely just a program or two that are working on your voice and your face Well, what they've done in the past is they've spliced together little snippets of stuff to make it seem like someone was saying something like they did that with Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan during his administration. | ||
| He he gave some speech and Somebody some bad people somewhere in the world They took his speech and they chopped it up and made it some other broadcast, then broadcast it to people all around the world saying this is how evil Ronald Reagan is. | ||
| But then they showed it on television. | ||
| I remember they showed all the different pieces. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Target reenacted. | ||
| It's pretty close. | ||
| Wow, it's so weird. | ||
| We're looking at a source actor who's on the left, and then we're looking at a guy on the right who's the CGI'd... | ||
| Like, there's a guy who's got no expression whatsoever. | ||
| And then there's a guy who's manipulating him who sits above him in the frame. | ||
| And as he makes these expressions in the frame, the guy on the left... | ||
| Look at that guy on the left. | ||
| ...is his... | ||
| Even though he's not moving at all, his face in the image is doing the exact same things that the other guy is. | ||
| And what's interesting is, it sort of seems to be accounting for the size and shape of your face, too. | ||
| Like, the size of his lips. | ||
| Like, see, like, the one guy has the bigger lips. | ||
| The guy above him, he's got them big old Angelina Jolie lips. | ||
| But the dude in the bottom's got some paper lips. | ||
| White people lips. | ||
| But the paper lips are what's moving, see? | ||
| It's interesting, right? | ||
| Like, it's not that guy's lips. | ||
| It's the guy below him. | ||
| It's the guy who's not moving at all. | ||
| They're actually using his facial features. | ||
| And, like, the parameters of his facial features. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah, you're not going to be able to trust shit. | ||
| In the future, definitely not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's probably already happened. | ||
| We just don't know. | ||
| I mean, if we're watching this on YouTube, what does the CIA have right now, you know? | ||
| I mean, they must have some insane shit. | ||
| By the way, speaking of the CIA, Neil deGrasse Tyson talked to Edward Snowden for two episodes of his StarTalk podcast. | ||
| It's a must listen. | ||
| It's a must listen. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| First of all, Snowden's a lot fucking smarter than I thought he was. | ||
| Because I remember thinking like, wow, this guy, he was a high school dropout and all of a sudden he's working for the NSA or the CIA or whatever he was working for, gathering data. | ||
| Why do they let a high school dropout? | ||
| But then you hear his story and you realize, well, he actually did wind up going to college and did wind up going to school. | ||
| He just had kind of a tumultuous life, but he was working for the NSA when he was like 16. He's a super genius. | ||
| Just because he didn't graduate from high school, when you listen to him talk, he's very fucking smart. | ||
| And he's very well read and understands exactly what the problems with all of this technology and this unchecked surveillance. | ||
| I mean, he's a hero. | ||
| I know some people have differing opinions on him, but that guy enlightened us to the activities of the government. | ||
| They were doing something that was illegal. | ||
| They were doing something that 99% of people are gonna have a real problem with. | ||
| Spying on people that haven't done anything wrong. | ||
| And it's fascinating to listen to him talk. | ||
| He also had some really interesting shit to say about aliens, which I thought was really crazy. | ||
| He was like, in a really complex, super advanced society, they're gonna have compressed data. | ||
| Everything's going to be compressed. | ||
| And everything's going to be encrypted. | ||
| And when you have compressed and encrypted data, it's going to be indistinguishable from background noise. | ||
| You're not going to know what you're listening to. | ||
| So if you're listening to some super advanced alien's communications and you're catching them through the air... | ||
| Good luck trying to figure out what that is. | ||
| They're not broadcasting. | ||
| Unless they're trying to reach us using our own primitive methods, they're not broadcasting like that anymore. | ||
| If they're advanced enough so they can get here from another planet, most likely they're encrypting everything and everything is... | ||
| We're going to hear it. | ||
| It's going to sound like background noise. | ||
| We're not going to know what the fuck it is. | ||
| But to them, it's going to go into their super advanced systems and it'll be clear as day. | ||
| But to us, it's like trying to send an internet signal to someone who was on the Santa Maria back in the Columbus days. | ||
| They'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| I sent you the email. | ||
| What? | ||
| You sent me the email? | ||
| I'm on a boat here. | ||
| I'm getting scurvy. | ||
| What do you mean you sent... | ||
| What the fuck's an email? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Dude, check your phone. | ||
| Check my what? | ||
| Like, they won't even know what you're talking about, right? | ||
| Well, you think about what that is. | ||
| Think of that sort of electronic communication that just a few hundred years ago is completely alien and out of the question to the point where they would not be able to even conceptualize what you're saying. | ||
| If you tried to explain something to them, my friend keeps sending me these dick pics on a phone, you'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Now think of that and now extrapolate to a society that's a thousand years more advanced than us or a million years more advanced than us. | ||
| And it's the same sort of lack of ability to recognize what they're doing. | ||
| Unless the technology and the science was so good, how it should be, that there was like a downgradable, like it detects our language and goes, okay, this is English. | ||
| Around the year 2015, I will now convert it to an understandable, you know, communication. | ||
| Well, that's if they were trying to communicate with us. | ||
| That's what I said earlier. | ||
| If they chose to send something... | ||
| True. | ||
| Non-encrypted, but the problem is they're going to be communicating with each other. | ||
| It's like if we chose to talk to someone, if we had a time machine, and we can go back to Columbus, we would get him a scroll, you know, and it would have some writing on it. | ||
| We could do that. | ||
| It'd be easy as fuck if we actually wanted to communicate with him. | ||
| But if Columbus was out there in the middle of the fucking ocean, and he didn't know he had five bars on his phone, and he didn't know he has awesome Wi-Fi, he has no idea. | ||
| He's just out there There's nothing out here. | ||
| What do I do? | ||
| I'm on my own. | ||
| You're not on your own, bitch. | ||
| Pull out your phone. | ||
| He doesn't have a phone. | ||
| So, like, the ability to do something in the future might be completely outside of our imagination right now, completely outside of our comprehension. | ||
| Front page of CNN right now, supposedly some high school kids hacked the private accounts of CIA and Homeland Security chiefs. | ||
| Yeah, and did you hear what he was doing? | ||
| They hacked his account. | ||
| He was on fucking AOL. Are you serious? | ||
| These old men. | ||
| Yeah, these old fucks. | ||
| We need to get them out. | ||
| Get out of here, Grandpa. | ||
| You've got men. | ||
| Get out of here, Grandpa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| I kept it in a secure file! | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was a secure file! | |
| Excuse me, it was on the American... | ||
| What does AOL stand for? | ||
| America Online? | ||
| America Online! | ||
| It is a giant corporation. | ||
| I have never heard of them being hacked in the past. | ||
| AOL email account associated with Brennan that included... | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Files regarding a security clearance application and the hacker also claims to have access to Comcast account associated with Johnson. | ||
| Another old man. | ||
| Another old man who doesn't know what the fuck is going on with the world of technology. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| AOL man. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Is that guy running the fucking Secret Service? | ||
| CIA director. | ||
| That's what he is. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I wonder if that was just like his email he used for porn or something. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| That's how he picked up dudes. | ||
| But look at their two positions. | ||
| The CIA director and the director of Homeland Security. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| The Department of Homeland Security secretary. | ||
| But Jesus Christ. | ||
| Those are fucking big people. | ||
| That's not the guy who is the plumber. | ||
| Oh, the guy who was the plumber at the CIA still use AOL. Tell him he can't. | ||
| Tell him to get on the edu, or what would they have,.gov email list, along with fucking Hillary Clinton. | ||
| That cunt's ruined it for everybody! | ||
| With your private emails. | ||
| Hillary Clinton. | ||
| Did you see what it said in her email? | ||
| Well, they got a hold of her emails, you know, because they were concerned that she was emailing from a private account. | ||
| It shows that Tony Blair and George W. Bush were trying to make plans to go into Iraq a year before they did. | ||
| Like, they were already like, we're going to Iraq, right? | ||
| We're going in. | ||
| Like, right away they were planning on doing that. | ||
| I think they said from 2002 there was emails where they were talking about doing it. | ||
| So before they even announced they were doing it, they were already trying to figure it out. | ||
| Oh, old people. | ||
| These goddamn old people should all have to fucking go to war. | ||
| You should have to be... | ||
| War should be for people over 50. That's it. | ||
| Everybody under 50, look, you lived your life, bitch. | ||
| You need to go over there and start shooting people. | ||
| Us, we have to... | ||
| I have two more years. | ||
| Us, we have to figure this world out. | ||
| You've left us with a mess. | ||
| So you guys need to go to war. | ||
| You're the ones who want to fight all the time? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay, go to war. | ||
| Go over there, you fuck. | ||
| See Hillary Clinton with a machine gun? | ||
| Storming the beach? | ||
| Did you watch any of the debate? | ||
| Did you follow that whole Bernie Sanders, Time Warner, CNN thing at all? | ||
| What about the Time Wars? | ||
| So, Bernie, a lot of people think Bernie won. | ||
| Like online polls, Twitter, Google, if you search his name, for the most part, everyone said Bernie was way ahead of it. | ||
| But not the news. | ||
| But not CNN. Even on CNN's own website, they had a poll during the debate, and Bernie Sanders was at 75%. | ||
| Clinton was at 18%. | ||
| But they still declared Hillary Clinton the winner of the debate on CNN. That's like judging Last Comic Standing. | ||
| You know, you can't judge the winner of a debate. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's always going to be someone, unless one of them is like, you know, Dan Quayle or someone totally incompetent. | ||
| So, find out that CNN, owned by Time Warner, Time Warner's the seventh largest campaign tributer to Hillary Clinton. | ||
| Like, over, I think it was hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars, Time Warner has donated to Hillary. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I'm sure there's an agenda. | ||
| I mean, we're, like, laughing. | ||
| You know those thieves? | ||
| They robbed somebody. | ||
| What?! | ||
| Did they really rob somebody? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| The thieves robbed people? | ||
| We're surprised that some greasy politician had her greasy hands in some other greasy company. | ||
| Look what they did to Ron Paul. | ||
| Remember when Ron Paul was doing those debates and smashing people? | ||
| He was ahead of people in the race. | ||
| And they would look at the people below him as qualified, sincere candidates, and they would look at Ron Paul. | ||
| Well, it's just a matter of time before Ron Paul's out of the race. | ||
| But, you know, that's not what you're supposed to do when you're a journalist. | ||
| When you're a journalist, you're supposed to look at the actual event and look at the actual facts of the event and then break down what's interesting about the trend. | ||
| But they didn't do that. | ||
| They put a spin on the trend. | ||
| And the spin was clearly that Ron Paul was a kook and that this wasn't going to last. | ||
| Even though you got people wearing Ron Paul for president shirts and cheering and screaming. | ||
| So you are smarter than them to the point where you're going to dictate how the information in the news is getting to these people with a biased spin that makes that guy look like a kook? | ||
| That's what Fox News did. | ||
| That's what a lot of people did. | ||
| That's what they're going to do to Bernie Sanders. | ||
| They're scared of that guy. | ||
| Yeah, CNN deleted the poll. | ||
| I mean, like... | ||
| They deleted the poll! | ||
| Find the poll. | ||
| I got it. | ||
| I sent the email. | ||
| Find the saved image from the poll. | ||
| I sent it in the email. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| When you say right there, am I supposed to see this somewhere? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Well, show it to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| You silly fucks. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| Why do they think they can do that? | ||
| Why would they delete that? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| It's kind of scary though. | ||
| He's got 11%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He stomped her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He stomped her. | ||
| God, 75%. | ||
| Well, you know what that is? | ||
| That's the online trolls. | ||
| When people don't go along with your opinion, they're trolls. | ||
| O'Malley, you're out. | ||
| We can't have red people. | ||
| I mean, we can have Native Americans, but you can't be totally red. | ||
| That's a boozer. | ||
| He's either boozing or he fell asleep while he was drunk and he got a sunburn. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| He's an Irish guy with a big red face. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| You can't be in there. | ||
| How did he get anything? | ||
| I never heard of that guy. | ||
| If I haven't heard of you by now, it's over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Throw in the towel. | ||
| There's the black guy who doesn't believe in evolution. | ||
| There's the Hillary who's got the bad email account. | ||
| And there's Bernie Sanders who wants to give away everybody's money. | ||
| But apparently economists looked at Bernie Sanders' plans for reducing deficit and they're like, what? | ||
| This doesn't work. | ||
| I don't think anybody looks at it and goes, this is a wonderful idea that'll fix our problems. | ||
| He's a serious, hardcore socialist in a lot of ways. | ||
| But I think that's good. | ||
| It's good to have a guy like that stirring it up. | ||
| If that guy got into power, listen, it's fucking better than having another neocon. | ||
| It's way better than having another Dick Cheney behind the fucking puppet stand with his hand up George Bush's ass. | ||
| That fucked us. | ||
| Those eight years fucked us. | ||
| They changed the tone of our country. | ||
| They went from a time where there was this feeling of America, where everybody was sympathetic, where people were making, even Paris, they were putting on their newspaper, we're all Americans today. | ||
| I mean, it was an amazing time where a horrible thing happened, and the whole world came to us, and they came to us, and they extended their love and friendship. | ||
| And what did we do? | ||
| We just started invading people. | ||
| We invaded people that didn't have anything to do with it. | ||
| We fucked up to the point where eight years later, everybody hated us. | ||
| Everybody went from loving America to, why were you in Iraq? | ||
| Like, what are you? | ||
| There's no weapons there. | ||
| There's nothing there. | ||
| You guys are assholes. | ||
| What are you doing with all that oil? | ||
| What are you doing with all that? | ||
| Oh, you're just rebuilding shit? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You have no bid contracts for billions of dollars? | ||
| Hold on, hold on. | ||
| Your fucking vice president was the CEO of the company that gets the no-bid contracts? | ||
| Are you that fucking transparent? | ||
| Is that transparent? | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| Those people fucked us. | ||
| If we had Obama in office, say what you want about Obama, but Obama would have never, there was no way, unless the president has no fucking say whatsoever on how things go down, unless it's that dirty, there's no way that guy would have approached it the same way. | ||
| There's no way he would have come up with some reason why we had to invade Iraq. | ||
| I say that, but he did want us to invade Syria. | ||
| And people were like, what? | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| That doesn't come up anymore, does it? | ||
| No, that should end it. | ||
| Do you think news should be put under stricter guidelines for, you know, like, that should be illegal? | ||
| You know, CNN picking a side, giving money to a president and then announcing it? | ||
| Or look at the former Fox guy that just got arrested for, you know, fabricating a fake CIA past. | ||
| Or Brian Adams, who, you know... | ||
| Brian Williams. | ||
| Brian Williams. | ||
| Brian Adams. | ||
| Well, it's like a knife. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Na-na-na-na-na-na. | |
| He just released a CD that covered the whole Taylor Swift album. | ||
| I highly recommend it. | ||
| He re-imagined Taylor Swift's whole album. | ||
| Oh boy, that's creepy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's good! | |
| It's in a real dark... | ||
| doesn't sound like Taylor Swift. | ||
| Is it like when Garth Brooks had his alter ego? | ||
| It's kind of like Willie Nelson covering Nine Inch Nails. | ||
| I hurt myself today. | ||
| Johnny Cash, not Willie Nelson. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Eddie Murphy told a Bill Cosby joke. | ||
| He got an award for the Mark Twain Comedy Award. | ||
| It's going to be on PBS. And he actually did like a whole bit. | ||
| Said he's writing comedy again. | ||
| Yeah, TMZ had him on yesterday saying he was going to... | ||
| He should just go full Jim Norton. | ||
| Look, I like trannies. | ||
| That's what he should just do. | ||
| And come back to the fold. | ||
| Just tell us who you are. | ||
| You can't get your dick sucked by dudes, but you're really straight. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| You're Eddie Murphy, man. | ||
| Come clean. | ||
| But he can't, you know, it's different, man. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Like the black community has different rules. | ||
| They have different rules which you can and can't do and some things you need to keep under wraps. | ||
| I don't know if he picks those transgender prostitutes up just because he was a nice guy and he wants to give him a ride home or if he really likes them. | ||
| But according to my buddy who was on the force back then, he's actually been there while it went down. | ||
| They're like, it wasn't just one. | ||
| He likes him. | ||
| Which is fine. | ||
| Like, Norton talks about it all the time. | ||
| People joke about it all the time. | ||
| And everybody loves Norton. | ||
| If you don't love Norton, go fuck yourself. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| And I think if Eddie Murphy just came clean... | ||
| Black people turn on, though. | ||
| All the people that voted for Proposition 8, that was when they found out that—Ari had a great joke about that, about black people want equality. | ||
| Everybody was like talking about equality, except the gays. | ||
| Like, nope, not you. | ||
| You can't get married. | ||
| Like, black people overwhelmingly voted against or for Proposition 8, which repealed gay marriage. | ||
| There's like Mormons—Mormons spent a lot of money on it, and a lot of black people voted for it. | ||
| Religion. | ||
| Religion's strong in black. | ||
| Yeah, but it's also the gay thing. | ||
| It's like there's a certain amount of homophobia that's accepted in certain parts of the African-American community. | ||
| That was a very politically correct way of saying that. | ||
| Black folks don't like gays. | ||
| And then it's not even all gays, man. | ||
| It's just you can't really talk about it too much. | ||
| But what is the Bill Cosby joke he told? | ||
| You want me to play it? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's only a Let's do it. | ||
| Play it. | ||
| Are we gonna get pulled off YouTube while we're on YouTube? | ||
| How's that work? | ||
| I'll just play the audio. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, and if you're tuning into this now, and you're like, God damn it, Joe Rogan, why'd you post the wrong link on Ustream? | ||
| I made a mistake, sorry. | ||
| I've been doing Ustream for six years. | ||
| But the other thing about it is that you can, on YouTube, one of the reasons why we decided to do it on YouTube is you could just rewind it to the beginning. | ||
| Even though it's streaming, you can go back to the beginning. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a superior platform. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did y'all make Bill give his back? | |
| No, because I know there was a big outcry from people. | ||
| They was trying to get Bill to give his trophies back. | ||
| You know you f***ed up when they want you to give your trophies back. | ||
| You know they give his trophy back too? | ||
| He should do one show where he just come out and just talk crazy now. | ||
| I would like to talk too! | ||
| Some of the people who feel that I should give back my... | ||
| That's it? | ||
| They said he goes on a little bit longer, but this doesn't air until November 23rd on PBS. Oh, so they want you to tune in. | ||
| Dude, I like his timing. | ||
| He should come back. | ||
| He would kill it. | ||
| He might come back soon. | ||
| He would kill it. | ||
| Look, all that tranny stuff aside, who cares about that stuff? | ||
| He's one of the all-time greats. | ||
| Eddie Murphy, not Raw, I don't think Raw was as good as Delirious, but Delirious at the time, good lord, that was good. | ||
| He was on fire. | ||
| He was so powerful. | ||
| Can you imagine him just hanging out at the store again? | ||
| Too many people would swarm him. | ||
| It's hard for us. | ||
| It's hard for you. | ||
| You get swarmed at the store. | ||
| Imagine if you're Eddie Murphy. | ||
| The store is filled with weirdos. | ||
| It's a magnet for weirdos. | ||
| It's always been a magnet for weirdos. | ||
| It's gotten crazy lately. | ||
| Too crazy. | ||
| That's why they have the rope off in the parking lot. | ||
| They tell people they can't go near the cars because people are backing their cars out. | ||
| There's a bunch of drunks wandering through the parking lot, you know, trying to take a picture with Steve Renna's easy, and they're getting run over by cars. | ||
| This thing, this article that I wanted to talk about when we got here. | ||
| A transgender woman She was a woman. | ||
| She applied to an all-male, all-female college, Wellesley College. | ||
| I used to actually know a girl from Wellesley back in the day. | ||
| It's an all-girls campus, and so she applied for the college. | ||
| She was born a female, but then decided to transition Into... | ||
| She had a very hilarious... | ||
| This is hilarious. | ||
| Listen to the description of how she introduces himself, herself, whatever. | ||
| Masculine of center, genderqueer. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I am in love with this story. | ||
| I am in love with these kind of people. | ||
| I am in love with people that are so fucking preposterous that they take preposterous to an art form. | ||
| And they become living parody, whether they like it or not. | ||
| Listen to what the fuck I just said. | ||
| She goes to a college, she applies to an all-girls college, a super-liberal all-girls college. | ||
| She decides that she is transgender and decides that she wants to, she introduces herself as masculine of center genderqueer. | ||
| Changes her name to Timothy. | ||
| Decided that she's Timothy and asks people to use the male pronoun when referring to him. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So, welcome on campus until the day that she announced, he announced, okay, it's he now, whatever, that he wanted to run for the school's Office of Multicultural Affairs Coordinator, whose job is to promote a culture of diversity. | ||
| Now who, you would think, would need diversity more than someone who's a transgender man? | ||
| I mean, that's a very small segment of the population, and they're often maligned, and this is a socially marginalized group. | ||
| And it would be nice for an open-minded liberal college to accept someone like this and to recognize what a perfect person to be a part of our campaign, encouraging people to be more open-minded and accept people. | ||
| No, they attacked her because now they felt that she is a white man. | ||
| And they don't want a white man in that position because if a white man is in that position, then they're supporting the patriarchy. | ||
| So there was three other candidates for the gig, right? | ||
| All women of color. | ||
| Wonderful if one of them win. | ||
| And then you got, okay, you know, your problem solved. | ||
| You got a woman of color in that position. | ||
| Plenty of diversity there. | ||
| You're good, right? | ||
| No, they all dropped out. | ||
| And then they started an anonymous Facebook campaign encouraging people not to vote at all to keep a white man from winning the position. | ||
| This is amazing! | ||
| This is the left eating itself. | ||
| That's what's happening. | ||
| They're eating themselves. | ||
| It is a feeding frenzy. | ||
| I used to have piranhas, okay? | ||
| And one of the things about piranhas is when one gets a limp... | ||
| They just jacked that motherfucker. | ||
| They are the most ruthless cunts. | ||
| When one piranha would just be... | ||
| You know, sometimes you have a fish tank. | ||
| One fish will just start swimming weird. | ||
| They start swimming kind of half sideways for some reason. | ||
| You're like, is that fish okay? | ||
| And you have to look at them like, what's going on with that fish? | ||
| That shit didn't last in that tank, baby. | ||
| No, those motherfuckers are just... | ||
| They just start taking chunks out of them. | ||
| That's what's happening here. | ||
| The left is, they're turning on themselves. | ||
| They've run out of outrage. | ||
| They've made so many safe places, they don't want anything to be safe anymore, and they want to be able to go to war over everything. | ||
| They're ferocious. | ||
| They're piranhas. | ||
| They are social idea piranhas. | ||
| And they're attacking a genderqueer, masculine of center man for not being diverse enough. | ||
| For being a part of the patriarchy. | ||
| Born a woman! | ||
| Born a woman, lived as a woman. | ||
| Nope, you're a white man now, you fucking piece of shit. | ||
| You're a part of the problem. | ||
| It makes no sense. | ||
| It does make sense though! | ||
| It makes sense because it highlights what this movement is all about. | ||
| It's socially retarded people that are left alone to their own devices, and they're just devouring each other like zombies. | ||
| They're just tearing into each other like zombies that are trapped into a fucking room. | ||
| They're just, rah! | ||
| They're just ripping each other apart. | ||
| You're not diverse enough! | ||
| You're not progressive enough! | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| You're such a pig! | ||
| I'm triggered! | ||
| They're just triggering each other left and right. | ||
| This is an Onion article! | ||
| This is a fucking Onion article and it's not. | ||
| This is the National Review. | ||
| This is a goddamn Onion article and it's not. | ||
| Transgender woman can't be diversity officer because she's a white man now. | ||
| Makes zero sense. | ||
| No, it makes all the sense in the world! | ||
| No, it's not a fake article. | ||
| I mean, that seems like 100% a fake article. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It's a rose. | ||
| It's a rose in a bad neighborhood. | ||
| It pops out of the concrete, and it comes out perfect. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| This is art. | ||
| It's the universe creating art with our own folly. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's culture. | ||
| It's people... | ||
| There's something that happens to people when you deny reality, when you don't look at things objectively. | ||
| There's, I think, priests that molest kids. | ||
| Some of that has to be from suppression. | ||
| Some of it has to be probably they'll abuse themselves. | ||
| There's probably all sorts of... | ||
| But some of that perversion has got to come from suppression. | ||
| It's like the Catholic school girl thing that everybody knows. | ||
| You know, when I was in high school, there was no scientists in my fucking ninth grade class, but we all knew that girls who went to Catholic schools were hoes. | ||
| And why are they hoes? | ||
| They're hoes because everybody tells them they can't be a hoe. | ||
| Everybody's talked to them constantly about, you are going to go to hell! | ||
| Do not touch a man's genitals! | ||
| Don't you do anything! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those girls were freaks. | |
| They were the biggest freaks. | ||
| And we all knew it. | ||
| There was no books on it. | ||
| There was no YouTube videos that we could watch. | ||
| But we fucking knew it, man. | ||
| We all knew it. | ||
| And I think it's a suppression issue. | ||
| And this is suppressing individual identity. | ||
| This is suppressing free speech. | ||
| This is suppressing objectivity. | ||
| You're not allowed to have unique or intertwined thoughts. | ||
| You're not allowed to share opinions with the left and with the right. | ||
| You're not allowed to. | ||
| You have to have, and you're constantly worried about being called out. | ||
| You're constantly worried about being outed and doxxed and called out and shamed. | ||
| Everyone's shaming people and attacking people and it's this fucking feeding frenzy. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'm happy. | ||
| I'm so happy when I read a story like this. | ||
| I would encourage this woman to fight to the death for her position. | ||
| Oh man, she's a man now. | ||
| Fight to the death for that position. | ||
| I mean literally, I want you to show up for school in a fucking, in armor, with a sword, and let them know that you are here because you are a warrior for diversity. | ||
| And you're gonna take this to the very end. | ||
| To the very end of time. | ||
| Oh, it's amazing. | ||
| This is an amazing story. | ||
| It's one of the greatest stories the universe has ever told. | ||
| And it highlights that story that we were just talking about, where the thing that was up on the thing earlier, where the United States is like a powder keg. | ||
| This is what we're talking about. | ||
| Entitled, ridiculous people. | ||
| They don't live in reality. | ||
| And you're concentrating on nonsense. | ||
| But why are they concentrating on nonsense? | ||
| Because they don't have to worry about feeding themselves. | ||
| They don't have to worry about shelter. | ||
| They don't have to worry about being in Ohio, having no fucking power for a week, and everybody has to stay alive. | ||
| You can't get to work. | ||
| Everybody's like walking back and forth to each other's house, sharing food and going out and getting firewood together and dragging it back at some little kid's wagon. | ||
| That's what people do when they want to survive. | ||
| When you want to survive, you come up with ways that you can all work together. | ||
| When it's too easy to survive, you start attacking people for nonsense. | ||
| And that's what the fuck is going on here. | ||
| You got a campaign! | ||
| We're gonna make sure that a white man's not gonna win this. | ||
| Like as if she's really a white man! | ||
| Why are we pretending that's a man? | ||
| Left of queer, genderqueer, masculine of center. | ||
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
| You're a girl. | ||
| You're a girl or a guy. | ||
| Whatever you are. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| There's probably way more to this story. | ||
| She's just a big bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's probably just eating too much pussy on our campus. | |
| They're all mad. | ||
| This bitch is too good at it. | ||
| She's too good at it. | ||
| But she's genderqueer, so that means I don't think you do anything. | ||
| I don't know what that means. | ||
| I don't even think they know what it means. | ||
| You ever heard of pansexual? | ||
| There was a woman who was like, she was making history. | ||
| This is hilarious. | ||
| This is a hilarious story. | ||
| She was making history because she was the first pansexual person to take office. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| She means she doesn't sexually identify. | ||
| She's not particularly sexually attracted to either race or either gender. | ||
| It's either one or both. | ||
| Miley Cyrus is pansexual? | ||
| Of course she is. | ||
| That's called being a freak. | ||
| Pansexual. | ||
| What exactly does that mean? | ||
| But find the politician. | ||
| First politician as pansexual. | ||
| It's just so stupid. | ||
| Pansexual politician. | ||
| So it's like a new word for bisexual. | ||
| It's not even bisexual. | ||
| It's because, like, they have to be special. | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| Mary Gonzalez, Texas state representative, identifies as pansexual in new interview. | ||
| What? | ||
| First of all, good for her. | ||
| Eat that pussy. | ||
| Suck that dick. | ||
| Have a party, honey. | ||
| I'm not hatin'. | ||
| Do whatever you want, but do we really have to make a new name for it? | ||
| Fucking Christ! | ||
| And I posted something about this a while back on Twitter, and there was people that were defending the term pansexual. | ||
| I'm like, fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you for trying to muddy up the world. | ||
| Fuck you for having this on your mind. | ||
| Unless you're mocking it. | ||
| Fuck you for taking this seriously. | ||
| Fuck you for this being an actual thing where you want to debate it. | ||
| How bad is your job? | ||
| How bored are you at work that you're sitting in front of your Twitter account defending pansexuality? | ||
| You stop! | ||
| You stop! | ||
| She can do it. | ||
| I have no problem with her doing it. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| But you fucking stop. | ||
| If you think you're going to defend that, fuck you. | ||
| You need to go cut snow. | ||
| Cut snow? | ||
| You need to go cut trees. | ||
| You need to go cut trees and shovel snow over at Jamie's parents' house in the middle of the winter when the fucking power's off for a month. | ||
| That's what you need to do. | ||
| You need to dig Brian Redband's mom out of the fucking woods. | ||
| Dig her out of the woods. | ||
| It's a mild dirt road back to that lady's house. | ||
| Get going, fuckface. | ||
| That's like, what is that? | ||
| How many thousand feet is a mile? | ||
| 5,000. | ||
| 5,000. | ||
| 5,000 plus feet of snow shoveling, you fuck. | ||
| How much for the driveway? | ||
| You remember that? | ||
| You remember that when you were a kid, you'd go to a lady's house, and you'd go, ma'am, we're shoveling stone. | ||
| Well, how much for the driveway? | ||
| You're like, well, we're going to need 20 for this one. | ||
| That's too much. | ||
| That's too much. | ||
| It's a long driveway, ma'am. | ||
| It's going to take us a couple hours. | ||
| Oh, that's just too much. | ||
| They would get mad. | ||
| I do not miss those days. | ||
| Or having to mow people's lawns. | ||
| You do not miss it? | ||
| I did not miss mowing. | ||
| I hated mowing lawns. | ||
| I was watching Anthony Bourdain's show last night. | ||
| He did a special on San Francisco. | ||
| It was pretty badass. | ||
| But then I watched one that I had on the DVR. I was doing some work, so I was just kind of like half watching it while I was working on the laptop. | ||
| And he had one from Montreal in the middle of the winter. | ||
| And you're like, oh, Jesus, I forgot. | ||
| I forgot what that was like. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| They're just all bundled up outside. | ||
| Everyone's face is beet red. | ||
| Every breath that comes out of your mouth is frozen. | ||
| Because that place is wet. | ||
| That's a wet cold, too. | ||
| That's a by the ocean cold. | ||
| Zero degrees by the ocean is a motherfucker, dude. | ||
| That's not like the cryotherapy tank. | ||
| I got some new videos that you have to watch sometime on YouTube. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's addictive. | |
| You sent me a dude's dick the other day. | ||
| What? | ||
| That dude dancing and pulls his dick out. | ||
| You send it to me so much that I accuse you of sending me a guy's dick and you're like, I didn't. | ||
| Well, sometimes people send me shit and I immediately just send it to whoever is. | ||
| These guys made this prank video and what they did is they took a taser and they put it in the seat of a bicycle and attached it to a cell phone so you can call it and activate the taser. | ||
| Then they went to Compton and just put their bike down and waited until somebody stole their bike. | ||
| And so then you see people taking off and then they call the cell phone and it shocks their balls while they're sitting on the bike. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And so they just fall off the bike. | ||
| That's like an advanced version of that bait car show. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's this other guy that just attached a rope to it, like a secret little rope to it. | ||
| So people would grab the bike and take off down this hill. | ||
| And then when the rope catches up, it just throws the bike back and they just rack their balls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my God. | |
| So all these people are just breaking balls. | ||
| But they were thieves, so who cares? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's a loophole, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a loophole! | |
| But you could get really fucked up doing that. | ||
| You could get hurt bad. | ||
| Yeah, but they're stealing, so who gives a fuck? | ||
| I know. | ||
| So I'm addicted to these new things, like these bait car things and bait bikes. | ||
| Ian Edwards has a hilarious bit. | ||
| Ian has a hilarious bit on that bait car show. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Oh, it's so funny. | ||
| You were just in San Diego, right? | ||
| Yeah, I worked with Ian in San Diego, Friday night. | ||
| Fuck, he's funny, man. | ||
| He's such a good dude, too. | ||
| He's one of those guys that he's been writing for shows forever, so he hasn't been, like, touring a lot and doing the road a lot, but he's also been doing comedy for, like, 25 years. | ||
| He's one of the best guys in the world. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| He's, like, if there's one guy that people just don't know about, that I go, God damn, people should know about Ian Edwards. | ||
| Like, people are knowing about Tom Segura now. | ||
| I mean, he's doing his second Netflix special. | ||
| He just did it. | ||
| You know, everything's going great for him. | ||
| You know, Ari, obviously, everything's going great for Ari. | ||
| Duncan, if he just would put out some content. | ||
| Like, Duncan's brilliant. | ||
| His comedy's amazing. | ||
| He's excellent. | ||
| He just doesn't put anything out. | ||
| He doesn't do any fucking specials. | ||
| I actually have not really heard anything from Duncan in a while, like online or... | ||
| It's hard to find a stand-up. | ||
| You know, I mean, he works all the time. | ||
| He was at the store the other night killing it. | ||
| He's still hilarious. | ||
| He just doesn't put anything out. | ||
| He's constantly working on his podcast. | ||
| I think Duncan likes doing podcasts more than anything, which is fine because it's amazing. | ||
| I mean, it's really good. | ||
| He's really good at it. | ||
| He's one of the best... | ||
| Ranters like Duncan like when you do podcasts with him one of the things that happens you got to know like when to back off and just like let him rant because you don't want to trip up what he's doing because he gets in these like these like Linguistic waves that he starts riding and he just says this amazing colorful way of describing things and Sometimes he'll paint a picture that you wouldn't expect or you wouldn't have ever painted without it It's and that's that's something that you don't really do when you do stand-up in a way because like The beauty of his | ||
| style of doing podcasts, the entertaining aspect of it, doesn't translate into anything else but... | ||
| I mean, it does a little bit to stand up, but really it's just a beautiful style of ranting about subjects that's great for a podcast. | ||
| It makes it look super enjoyable and interesting. | ||
| But to that, I think that to him is more exciting and more fun than podcasts. | ||
| And it certainly reaches more people. | ||
| Or comedy, you mean? | ||
| Yeah, than comedy, yeah. | ||
| It certainly reaches more people because, obviously, if he's doing a show, unless he's putting it out on Netflix or Comedy Central or something like that... | ||
| He's doing stand-up for a couple hundred people at a time, or a thousand people at the most. | ||
| But if he's doing that podcast, his podcast is hitting hundreds of thousands every month. | ||
| He's always been one of my favorite stand-ups. | ||
| When I first moved out here, I would go to almost all his comedy shows with him. | ||
| Just because I had no friends, I'd go with him. | ||
| He's one of the funnest people to watch on stage, especially when he had Lil Hobo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somebody stole it. | |
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It's San Francisco. | ||
| But there's people like him I wish would do more stand-up, like Nick Swartzen. | ||
| I love Nick. | ||
| He does stand-up a lot. | ||
| He just doesn't put anything out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I just think he needs to put together a special. | ||
| He's so good, man. | ||
| He's so fucking funny. | ||
| But everybody knows Duncan. | ||
| I think a lot of people know Duncan because of the podcast world. | ||
| Ian is a guy who doesn't really have a big... | ||
| He was doing something with you for a while, right? | ||
| The preposterous sessions? | ||
| I just kind of do what I do with the roast battle. | ||
| I just replay it on Death Squad for him. | ||
| Oh, so it was his initially? | ||
| I was just trying to help him out with the... | ||
| Yeah, he needs to... | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I think he just needs to not write anymore on those shows, because when you write on those shows, you can't tour. | ||
| You're stuck. | ||
| He just turned down a big gig, because they told him that he couldn't pitch anything else. | ||
| They told him, you know, Kim is going through some shit right now with this. | ||
| These companies, they get you, and then they say that they own you intellectually, not just while you're working there. | ||
| Like, say if you write on a show, right? | ||
| They want you to not just write on that show. | ||
| They want to own you if you have a movie script that you're writing on the side. | ||
| They want to own you if you have a book. | ||
| They decide because they can, because their model is kind of rotting away. | ||
| Like the model of the sitcom, that's a fucking... | ||
| There used to be a lot of sitcoms. | ||
| Back in the day, like in the 90s, when I was on news radio, everything was a sitcom. | ||
| There was four or five sitcoms a night. | ||
| You know, you had Sex and the City, you had Friends, you had The Single Guy, you had Caroline and the City. | ||
| Sex and the City, I was confusing. | ||
| You know, you had all these different networks and all these different shows. | ||
| Everybody had sitcoms. | ||
| You had four or five sitcoms a week, six, seven sitcoms a week, whatever the fuck the number was. | ||
| You had dramas, all these different shows. | ||
| There are Dying now. | ||
| They have a few. | ||
| You know, you have like Undateable that's doing that weird shit where they're trying to do a live version of it. | ||
| Yeah, we'll talk about that. | ||
| And then you have like, I guess Two Broke Girls is still doing Frela. | ||
| Big Bang Theory is... | ||
| Big Bang Theory seems to me like... | ||
| Like, you know how they do that music that they play for the Cobra? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then the Cobra just can't move. | ||
| He gets hypnotized by the music. | ||
| I think that is what happens with retards when they watch the Big Bang Theory. | ||
| I think it's somehow or another gets them to tune in just long enough to play those commercials, and then it ends. | ||
| And they go, what just happened? | ||
| And they wake up, what did I just watch? | ||
| There's only a few now, though. | ||
| So because of that, they want to own everybody. | ||
| They want to own all the stuff you did. | ||
| Now, with our friend Kim, it gets even crazier, because she's not even a writer. | ||
| She's employed as a secretary for a company, and the company that she's employed for- Deceptions, right. | ||
| Yeah, same thing. | ||
| The company that she's employed for wants to own a project that she's created. | ||
| On her own. | ||
| I kind of get where they're coming from. | ||
| How? | ||
| Because she works at a place that there's a lot of... | ||
| They make a lot of shows, all right? | ||
| So she has to interact with a lot of important people. | ||
| She sees a lot of things behind the scenes. | ||
| So what they do that for is like a basic thing in Hollywood. | ||
| So where she can't tell the competition like, oh, hey, you know, Jeff Foxworthy is going to be on the next show. | ||
| But that's just a confidentiality waiver. | ||
| That's what they're pretty much saying. | ||
| That's not according to her. | ||
| I think you're wrong. | ||
| I've read what she said when she sent me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I talked to her last night and she made it seem like their reasoning is that they don't want me to create a show using secrets that they use on the side. | ||
| Because she's open to a lot of secrets. | ||
| Dude, they said the words, we own your brain. | ||
| That's what they said there. | ||
| We own your brain while you work here. | ||
| We own your brain. | ||
| That's retarded. | ||
| That's retarded. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what reasoning they have. | ||
| She's a secretary or a receptionist, whatever. | ||
| She answers phones. | ||
| If they want her to sign a confidentiality agreement, you do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the idea that they say to her, we own your brain, they want to own her project? | ||
| They want to own the projects that she creates. | ||
| The particular, I think, thing she worked for, though, is very close to TV shows. | ||
| So, like, they can't have somebody just making TV shows based off secrets that she's seen. | ||
| But what are the secrets? | ||
| See, like, if you steal some- Formulas, I don't know. | ||
| But what is that? | ||
| Like, that's the purpose of working for some place where you're making shit money. | ||
| When you work as an intern, say if you work for an intern for the Opie and Anthony show or whatever, the reason why they're not paying you shit is because you're learning about the business. | ||
|
unidentified
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Like, well, we're going to not pay you anything, and then what are you going to do? | |
| You're going to learn shit here and then figure it out on your own, and then you can't be my slave anymore? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| That company's full of cunts. | ||
| That's a cunty company. | ||
| Why are you paying her five bucks an hour then? | ||
| Or whatever she's getting. | ||
| She's not getting much. | ||
| That's the whole purpose of working in an entry-level gig. | ||
| You're supposed to learn. | ||
| Well, you're going to take it, and you're going to learn, and you're going to go profit elsewhere. | ||
| It's one thing if she steals an idea. | ||
| If she steals an idea, they should sue her. | ||
| But if she's not stealing ideas, if she's just learning about the business, and you're trying to penalize her, they're trying to own what she's doing. | ||
| Not just kind of own it, but according to her, they want to own it. | ||
| They want to own everything she does while she works there. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But that's also why you shouldn't have a job like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She should just be a comic. | ||
| Just struggle. | ||
| Get a waitress job. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Everybody wants to, like... | ||
| There's nothing wrong with waitress jobs. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| Unless you waitress in on Fat Tuesday at the comedy store. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| It doesn't exist anymore. | ||
| Do you watch The Daily Show? | ||
| Do you like this new guy? | ||
| Because I saw you tweet something the other day about it. | ||
| And I don't know if you actually... | ||
| I mean, I tried to watch it. | ||
| I'm not on board with that guy. | ||
| I haven't seen it yet. | ||
| But there's a... | ||
| There's a Russell Peters thing, where Russell Peters said that the guy's a thief, and then after he said the guy stole from him, the guy stole from someone else, I saw the bit that Russell said he stole from him. | ||
| It's the same exact premise. | ||
| And if you saw Russell do it, that's probably exactly where he got it from. | ||
| And then there was a thing where he recently did a bit that was a straight-up Dave Chappelle bit from like the early 2000s, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And 100% that was ganked. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was the same wording, same premise, same everything. | ||
| And it's a Dave Chappelle bit, so you know that bit. | ||
| So if you're a stand-up comic, you know that bit. | ||
| I mean, it's like Louis C.K.'s Bag of Dicks joke. | ||
| There's like jokes that you kind of know. | ||
| Bill Cosby. | ||
|
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Bill Cosby. | |
| Yeah, yeah, the Noah's Ark bit. | ||
| Or like, you know, Richard Pryor's vampire bit. | ||
| Vampire in the Hood. | ||
| You know that bit, man. | ||
| Sam Kinison's having sex with the homosexual necrophiliac joke, that bit. | ||
| You know that bit. | ||
| People know that bit. | ||
| So if you try to steal that, come on, son. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| He didn't even mix it up a little, but he mixed it up a little with Russell. | ||
| With Russell, you could tell the origin was most likely the same, that he probably saw Russell do it, but it's a race joke, and it's vague enough, and the way he did it, he danced around it enough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Russell, in that interview... | ||
| By the way, that woman that interviewed Russell in that... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| She's like, are you sure he's not jealous because he's hotter and younger? | ||
| He's skinnier. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Skinnier and cuter, she said. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Russell, you can tell, he also mentions another person that he stole from. | ||
| I don't know who the other comic is, but it seems like a smoke versus fire thing, definitely. | ||
|
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|
Smoke. | |
| Or smoke and fire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| Yeah, and then he's there. | ||
| They're hanging out, though. | ||
| Do you think that... | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Dave probably doesn't read the internet. | ||
| He's probably not even online. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| Probably has no idea it happened. | ||
| People are getting to him. | ||
| It's like, hmm. | ||
| So they stole his jokes, but they're friends. | ||
| Well, okay, first of all, if you're a calculated guy like Trevor Noah, right? | ||
| Why wouldn't you do that? | ||
| Wouldn't you put this in? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| A fucking coincidence that a couple days later he takes his picture with Dave? | ||
| And who knows when this picture happened? | ||
| When did this picture take place? | ||
| Did the photo get taken yesterday? | ||
| That's what it's saying. | ||
| They went out to dinner or lunch yesterday, and this went before that Mark Twain thing that Eddie Murphy was just at. | ||
| There was a bunch of comedians together. | ||
| Well, okay. | ||
| Well, maybe he got together with Davey because he wanted to talk to him about it and tell him he had no idea or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| But when Russell did it, Russell said that he got this massive media backlash after he said the guy was a thief, and then he said it was a prank. | ||
| He said it was a prank. | ||
| Now, in the interest of confidentiality, I will go no further. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you can fucking do the math. | ||
| I think my personal guess would be that it wasn't a prank. | ||
| You didn't do it. | ||
| Well, we don't need to go further. | ||
| That's what go no further means, Brian. | ||
| But, you know, Russell's the nicest fucking guy on the planet Earth. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| If Russell Peters says you're a piece of shit, I tend to agree. | ||
| Usually. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| Whatever, man. | ||
| You know, you also got to realize this fucking dude was doing it in South Africa. | ||
| It's like being on the moon. | ||
| It's like doing stand-up on the moon. | ||
| I mean, there's a few comics there, I'm sure, but their scene is... | ||
| It's so... | ||
| I mean, it might have been... | ||
| Their style to do other people's shit. | ||
| And I'm not exonerating them in any way. | ||
| But you gotta think, like, if you're in a band, okay, and you're in fucking Florida, guess what? | ||
| You're gonna do other people's music. | ||
| You know, if you really want to be a big band and you're learning and one day you guys want to be huge, you're gonna do some cover songs. | ||
| And in the world of stand-up, you don't do that. | ||
| In the world of stand-up, you can't get away with that. | ||
| But I guarantee you, there are some people right now that could be really good comedians someday. | ||
| And they're in some really obscure market in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| Or perhaps they're in some place that speaks Dutch. | ||
| Or some place that speaks French. | ||
| And they're stealing some Bill Cosby bit right now. | ||
| Or they're stealing some Bill Hicks bit right now. | ||
| That was always a big thing with Hicks. | ||
| There was a guy in Amsterdam that was doing stand-up in Dutch, and he was just stealing all of Bill Hicks' shit. | ||
| But some other guy who was bilingual realized it and was like, what is this? | ||
| In Montreal, it's a huge issue. | ||
| The French people up there, like the French-speaking, they do French-speaking shows. | ||
| And these guys will just... | ||
| Just gank dudes material. | ||
| Just gank Americans material and just translate it into France. | ||
| They don't leave that area. | ||
| It's a very centralized area. | ||
| Like Montreal and Quebec, totally. | ||
| They're very proud. | ||
| There's a giant population of French-speaking people. | ||
| And you can get away with doing a French-speaking act and steal a bunch of shit. | ||
| But... | ||
| If they are doing that, man, if they're listening to this, you gotta stop. | ||
| It's gonna fuck you up. | ||
| It's gonna ruin you. | ||
| It's gonna fuck you up. | ||
| Even if you're getting away with it now, you'll develop tendencies, and you're gonna want to steal when things aren't going well. | ||
| And those moments when things aren't going well, that's what defines you as a comic. | ||
| That's what pulls you out of the fire. | ||
| There's moments, I will tank bits on purpose when I'm working on shit. | ||
| I will take the energy down. | ||
| I will put myself in bad positions because it's the only way you learn how to get out of them and figure out, like if I don't believe in a bit that much, I'll do a strong part of a bit and then I'll back off of it and almost like put myself in a scared spot where I have to flail around to try to find a punchline. | ||
| I always have another bit on the ready. | ||
| To jump in with, to bring the crowd back. | ||
| But if you don't do that, and everybody does that. | ||
| Diaz does it that way. | ||
| Ari does it that way. | ||
| A lot of people do it that way. | ||
| We've talked about it. | ||
| We do it that way because that's the way you find shit, but you've got to go out in the deep water. | ||
| And people don't want to go in that deep water. | ||
| Those guys who steal, they never go in that deep water, man. | ||
| They go into those shallow kill zones, and they like to have these tight, nice, short, chopping sets where there's no pause, bam, bam, bam, next joke, oh my god, was that a pause? | ||
| Are they not laughing? | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Steal! | ||
| And then they'll jump in with a steal. | ||
| That's the Mencia approach. | ||
| That's why when Mencia would always say he never bombed, ever, everybody, everybody was like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
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Never? | |
| You never bombed? | ||
| Dude, Chappelle bombed a year ago, and there's a video of it online. | ||
| 22,000 people. | ||
| And if he's not the best comic in the world today, he's top three, right? | ||
| I think the best is Joey. | ||
| But Joey's bombed. | ||
| I've seen Joey. | ||
| Joey called me the other day. | ||
| He told me he bombed in Toledo. | ||
| Those fucking white people, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Those fucking white people hated me. | ||
|
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He goes, the Death Squad people came out, but those fucking white people, oh my God, they hated me. | |
| He was in Toledo. | ||
| But you see what I'm saying? | ||
| In my opinion, I think Joey's the funniest guy I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| I've never seen anybody that makes me laugh as hard as he does. | ||
| And even he can still bomb. | ||
| You can just... | ||
| Because he's out there doing it. | ||
| He's got notebooks. | ||
| He's fucking flinging jokes around. | ||
| You have days where you're on and days where you're off. | ||
| That's part of developing, and it's constant. | ||
| It keeps going. | ||
| So these guys like these Trevor Noah cats, man, if that's your tendency, you're gonna keep with that. | ||
| It's gonna be very hard for that dude to break. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He might be able to break that tendency because he's famous now. | ||
| He might be able to hire writers, and he's smart, and he's obviously calculating, which is why he put that photo up. | ||
| He didn't put that photo up as a fucking coincidence. | ||
| You think he's like, oh, I didn't even know that people were thinking that I stole that bit. | ||
| Please, everybody fucking knows. | ||
| Everybody knows. | ||
| He knows that everybody knows, and he made a calculated effort to put up. | ||
| That makes me more suspicious of him. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| More suspicious. | ||
| If Dave Chappelle put that picture up, I would be like, what is Dave doing here? | ||
| Is he laughing? | ||
| Is this an inside joke? | ||
| But him doing it makes me more suspicious. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| It's hard out there for a pimp, Brian Redman. | ||
| You know. | ||
| When are you going to put together a special? | ||
| I need to. | ||
| I just need to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I have the material. | ||
| I stopped like half hours worth of material recently. | ||
| What do you mean stopped? | ||
| I just stopped doing it. | ||
| But do you have it written down? | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| I have it recorded and it's on video. | ||
| Dude, you should totally put something out. | ||
| Put something out. | ||
| Some guy just advertised the other day on Twitter, like, $1,500, four-camera shoot, we'll make your comedy special, or something like that. | ||
| $1,500? | ||
| Yeah, I'd be like, hey, I should just do that for fun. | ||
| Does he know what he's doing? | ||
| I don't know, probably. | ||
| It's so easy nowadays. | ||
| Some dude just wants to meet you. | ||
| I mean, remember when I used to go on the road with you all the time, I'd bring three cameras, have a front, back, two sides, and that was... | ||
| Those were shitty little old-school cameras, too, in comparison to what's available today. | ||
| Yeah, but we were kind of on top of the game on all the cameras. | ||
| You would always upgrade them to, like, the best Sony... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But yeah, I think my next one that I'm going to do, which I'm going to probably do within the next six months. | ||
| I'm working out all the details right now. | ||
| I think I'm going to do it at the Ice House. | ||
| I'm at the Ice House October 30th, too, by the way. | ||
| Me and Ian. | ||
| And maybe Diaz might stop by for the 10 o'clock show. | ||
| But... | ||
| I think that's the future. | ||
| I think the future is just doing it old school at a club and you know having the production value be in the quality of the video itself so that it captures the room as accurately as possible but don't try to make it like this big swooping camera and all that bullshit. | ||
| I want people to feel like they're sitting down in the crowd. | ||
| I think the only way to do that is to put it in a small spot. | ||
| Because, you know, I'll do big shows. | ||
| I'll do these big shows. | ||
| And they're fun, man. | ||
| Theaters are fun. | ||
| It's a different kind of experience. | ||
| But the real show, we all know, the really fun show that's going to translate into sitting at home and watching it is like doing it at a comedy club. | ||
| Especially the Ice House. | ||
| I love the Ice House so much. | ||
| I had one of my favorite sets Friday. | ||
| Just new stuff. | ||
| And just positive people go there. | ||
| Positive staff. | ||
| Everything's awesome there. | ||
| Well, it's got 60 fucking years of comedy burned into the walls, too, you know? | ||
| And also, I think I learned something from doing that Comedy Central special, the Rocky Mountain High. | ||
| I'm like, that's the way to do it. | ||
| That felt more to me like a regular set than anything else I've ever done. | ||
| You could see the audience. | ||
| They're right there on top of me. | ||
| You know, it was fun. | ||
| That's the way to do it. | ||
| And the Ice House is even better than that. | ||
| Ice House is our home, too. | ||
| You know, that's like home base. | ||
| Other than the Comedy Store, that place feels like home to me. | ||
| Even I do the factory. | ||
| I've done the Laugh Factory. | ||
| Who knows how many times over decades. | ||
| Still always feels weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The improv's pretty cool, but that's not, you know, it's not the same. | ||
| The Ice House to me is like right up there with the store. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They have Germany orders recall of 8.5 million Volkswagens. | ||
| Did they recall yours? | ||
| I don't have that anymore. | ||
| I got rid of it. | ||
| You got rid of it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, they fucked up. | ||
| They tried to lie. | ||
| I think I figured out what car I want to get, though. | ||
| Is that i3, the BMW? Oh, those are dope. | ||
| They look like an iPhone on wheels. | ||
| It looks cool. | ||
| Yeah, those are pretty dope. | ||
| I think I might wait to get a used one. | ||
| They're kind of expensive. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I heard those things break down a lot, though. | ||
| Is that it right there? | ||
| It's a video of that autopilot from Tesla. | ||
| Oh, Jesus, play this. | ||
| So this is something we've got to leave on this because I've got to get out of here. | ||
| So this is some update. | ||
| Jamie, why don't you explain the update because Tesla... | ||
| They did an over-the-air update, which is something that I didn't know that they could do, but they said they're going to do it multiple times, and I think it's just in beta right now. | ||
| So Tesla has an autopilot and also an autopark. | ||
| The autopilot, I think it's just made for the freeway right now, but they've been testing it, and there's some video showing it used in New York on 12th Avenue. | ||
| And this is, I think, this looks like it's back on a movie lot, and they're showing that crazy button first, so it shoots up to 75 miles an hour, and then it's going to go into autopilot mode. | ||
| And you see it read street signs, and it's reading the white lines on the road. | ||
| Wow, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And then at the very end, it will stop it as it sees a car in front of it, too. | ||
| This is a video from Slash Gear so this shouldn't bother us too much. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I'm going to start over too. | ||
| They're getting ready to launch right now. | ||
| Jesus Christ, this is TRON! Just look at that fucking screen. | ||
| This is on autopilot right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's fast. | |
| Fastest four-door sedan in the world, you say? | ||
| Ever. | ||
| This is not driving itself. | ||
| I'm looking at his hand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Turn on the autopilot system. | |
| Engaging it now. | ||
| Wow, look how cool that screen is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So cool. | |
| The car will observe the 30 mile an hour sign and increase its speed as we go through this bend. | ||
| I'd be texting like a motherfucker right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hell yeah. | |
| And as it observes this 25 mile an hour speed, it's going to reduce... | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| People are gonna fuck around and put 90 on those things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just tape a 9 over the 2. So many problems I can see, just with like... | |
| But I'm sure they've thought through a lot of things, but... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's so cool. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| This guy Elon Musk is freaking me out. | ||
| Because he makes me feel really stupid. | ||
| Really stupid and really unambitious. | ||
| And really insignificant. | ||
| When I see him with his beautifully tailored suits and he's talking about changing the world, I'm like, am I looking at Tony Stark for real? | ||
| This is like, when is he gonna come out with an Iron Man suit? | ||
| Because he's gonna. | ||
| You know that fuck's got one already. | ||
| He's probably got one already in his basement. | ||
| He's probably all Adderall'd up. | ||
| Steve Jobs too, right? | ||
| He's more than Steve Jobs to me. | ||
| To me, he's way more innovative because what Steve Jobs did was amazing, but it was all in the world of computing, which is arguably the reason why this guy's able to do this in the first place. | ||
| It's because these incredibly powerful computers and the access to them and changing the way people use the internet is probably what started this all off in the first place. | ||
| But what he's doing between this and the bullet trains, he's going to create these magnetic trains that can go across the country in a fraction of the time it takes to fly What kind of plane do you think he flies in? | ||
| Something crazy, right? | ||
| Some stealth bomber type shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who knows, man? | ||
| He's probably got some ridiculous jet. | ||
| G6. Imagine if he's got an electric plane. | ||
| Imagine if he's been flying electric jets. | ||
| He's got to have something that no one knows about. | ||
| He's got to have special prototype stuff. | ||
| Crazy phones and computers that we haven't seen yet. | ||
| Yeah, with no chemtrails. | ||
| It doesn't even make chemtrails. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Camp trail. | ||
| Black helicopters. | ||
| All right, we got to get the fuck out of here, folks. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Brian Redband. | ||
| Thank you, sir. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Redband on Twitter. | ||
| R-E-D-B-A-N. There's no D. Okay? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| And deathsquad.tv for all comedy dates and upcoming gigs. | ||
| What do you got going on? | ||
| Me and Tony just announced that we're bringing Kill Tony to Pittsburgh and Ohio. | ||
| We're doing Kill Tony and then followed by a comedy show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Friday, November 27th. | ||
| I'll be in Pittsburgh and Ohio, November 29th. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| And deathsquad.tv for all that information. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| I'll be back tomorrow with the Iceman, Wim Hof. | ||
| Oh, that's right, bitches. | ||
| You heard it here. | ||
| Woo-wee! |
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