June 11, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:55:41
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hey, you fuckers! | ||
| We're live! | ||
| Before we even say anything, I have to do a favor for Ari Shafir. | ||
| Ari Shafir's new show, his show, rather, This Is Not Happening, on Comedy Central, is starting a new season. | ||
| Starting season two. | ||
| And Ari really wants to get great stories from comics that you guys all enjoy. | ||
| So what Ari is suggesting you do is perhaps tweet him... | ||
| Suggestions and also tweet the comics that you would like to see perform on his show. | ||
| Basically, everybody's got some fucking wacky story. | ||
| Just one wacky story. | ||
| And if you've ever seen This Is Not Happening, it's stand-ups telling crazy stories about either things that have happened to them on the road or during life or what have you. | ||
| It's just a slightly different form of stand-up. | ||
| So season two is about to begin, and Ari would like you to just tweet at anybody that you would think would be, don't harass anybody, don't Twitter bomb people. | ||
| That shit's gross. | ||
| People that ask me to Twitter, like, Twitter bomb Joe. | ||
| That's a great way to never get on this podcast. | ||
| It's annoying. | ||
| It's annoying as fuck. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| But this is not that. | ||
| What he wants you to do is just get the word out about it and tweet to him anybody that you would like to see on it. | ||
| That would help as well. | ||
| Alright, you fucks? | ||
| Dean Del Rey, ladies and gentlemen! | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| What's up, brother? | ||
| That's funny you say that because I would see for like a year people going, Joe, have Dean on your podcast. | ||
| And I'm like, that's the worst way to get me on. | ||
| Well, not necessarily. | ||
| If you told them to do it, then it would be the worst way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would never do that. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, you never would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of people did suggest it, and I watched you on the Dom Herrera podcast because of it, which is fucking hilarious. | ||
| If you've never seen Dom Herrera live from the Laugh Factory, first of all, Dom's a great guy, hilarious comic, but it's a fun podcast, and you were really funny on that fucking show. | ||
| Oh, thanks, man. | ||
| Those rock and roll stories, goddamn, dude. | ||
| I mean, you fucking, you came into comedy through a really weird way. | ||
| Yeah, I came the fucking long way. | ||
| 25 years the long way. | ||
| 25 years of music. | ||
| Yeah, I played music 25 years, but the funny thing is, when I was a kid, I wanted to do comedy, but there was no kids doing comedy. | ||
| It was not like now you can go to a camp, or you can just do whatever. | ||
| Is there a comedy camp for kids? | ||
| That's how Tiffany started. | ||
| She did a Laugh Factory comedy camp as a 13-year-old. | ||
| Yeah, same with Melissa Villasenora. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But when I was a kid, I'm 49, so I grew up on the first couple seasons of Saturday Night Live, and I was like, I want to be John Belushi. | ||
| I've got to be him. | ||
| But where can you be him, except for a sixth grade? | ||
| Well, there's open mics and stuff like that. | ||
| Where'd you start out? | ||
| Where were you living when you were... | ||
| I grew up in the Bay Area, you know, in San Francisco. | ||
| There was open mics, but I'm like, you know, 8th grade. | ||
| You don't know about that. | ||
| There's no internet or anything. | ||
| And so you had already gotten into music? | ||
| I started playing music, and then the years just flew by. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because the neighbors played music and I loved rock and I loved comedy. | ||
| In the 70s it was the same. | ||
| You had Cheech and Chong, Carlin, Richard Pryor. | ||
| You also had ACDC, Ted Nugent, and Van Halen. | ||
| They were just the same to me. | ||
| You'd put one record on and then the other. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So you lived next to musicians? | ||
| Well, people in my neighborhood, we all loved rock and they were like, let's play in bands, you know? | ||
| Do you think if that wasn't around that you would have gotten into stand-up early? | ||
| huge in San Francisco in the 80s, man. | ||
| You know, we had Bobcat, we had Bobby Slayton, Robin Williams. | ||
| We had that morning show with Carrie Snow and all those guys. | ||
| You know, it was huge. | ||
| But I just didn't know how to do it. | ||
| And I was probably scared. | ||
| I remember I saw Dice and I was like, I'm going to try comedy and And I did one time at this bar, McNeer's in Petaluma. | ||
| And I went in and I was just trying to be Dice. | ||
| Like, hey, look at those tits! | ||
| And I swear to God, it was silent. | ||
| I was like, I'd like to fuck you! | ||
| And I thought, this is how you do it, right? | ||
| And man, I was tossed out of there. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah, it's not intangible when you see a guy like Dice that can say some of the most offensive shit. | ||
| First of all, because you know him and you know the character. | ||
| But there's also something about the way he did it. | ||
| And if you're a young kid and you see it, you think you could go do it too. | ||
| You don't realize how stupid it sounds until it comes out of your mouth. | ||
| And you realize, oh wait a minute, he's been doing this for a long time. | ||
| Yeah, it's established. | ||
| But I saw Dice in 88 at the store. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Well, I used to hang at the store. | ||
| My buddy was dating the head waitress there, and I'd play rock in Hollywood, and then we'd go to the store, because it was huge. | ||
| Was that before or after he had become gigantic? | ||
| It was before, because I remember seeing him, and then I think like a year later, he was on the Rodney thing. | ||
| And I was like, that's that guy I was telling you guys about. | ||
| But he would do Monday nights. | ||
| And he would go on, and all the rockers would go. | ||
| The rockers would be like, you gotta see this guy, man. | ||
| And you'd go down there, and he'd come out, and he'd be like, look at this whore! | ||
| And he'd be like, what the fuck? | ||
| How is this not, Kyle? | ||
| You're not getting beat up! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is rad! | |
| And the guy would laugh, you know? | ||
| And another guy would laugh, and he'd go, what are you laughing at, you fucking asshole! | ||
| And And that guy would get up and leave, and then it was awesome, man, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I call it mean dice. | ||
| Like, there's two different dices. | ||
| There's dice, and then there's mean dice, and mean dice will start picking on people in the audience and fucking just lay into dudes for like 10, 15 minutes. | ||
| You see, they, like, smile at first. | ||
| They think, well, eventually he'll get tired of picking on me and move on to the next guy. | ||
| No, I'm not done with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not done with you yet. | |
| Right? | ||
| Please be done with me. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| I just came to see a comedy show. | ||
| I didn't want to be a part of it. | ||
| Just brutalize people. | ||
| Radical, man. | ||
| But hilarious. | ||
| The story was radical back then, you know? | ||
| Everybody was just flying around on coke in his 80s and there was rock bands and great comedy going on, you know? | ||
| That's what's different now. | ||
| That's a big thing that's different now is Coke. | ||
| The comedians are not on Coke. | ||
| There's not a lot of comics on Coke. | ||
| It's all weed. | ||
| There's a few that drink, but as far as doing Coke, maybe a couple of them might do it occasionally. | ||
| But it's not like a Kinnison thing where they're all just getting blasted. | ||
| You've heard Marc Maron's Kinnison stories. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| The one about doing Coke for like 78 hours and hallucinating for a year... | ||
| He was hearing voices for a fucking year. | ||
| He had voices talking in his head for a year after that. | ||
| That was the era, man. | ||
| I mean, I did coke, you know, not every day, but like all the time. | ||
| You just did coke. | ||
| It was just what you did, man. | ||
| It was raw coke and, you know, and it wasn't about getting high. | ||
| It was just about keep rolling. | ||
| You know, let's keep this rolling, man. | ||
| Rock! | ||
| You don't want to quit. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| You don't want to go to bed. | ||
| You know, yeah. | ||
| Let's go bowling. | ||
| Then the liquor store will be open. | ||
| We'll hit that. | ||
| Then we'll go to this party in the canyon. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| I know it's brutal, but it's fun. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| It's gross now to think about it. | ||
| I worship sleep so much now. | ||
| I'm like, fuck that, man. | ||
| I know when you're young, you'll put that sleep off. | ||
| I've done that many times. | ||
| Just stayed up and just figured I'll go to bed tonight. | ||
| Just go to bed tonight. | ||
| Ride it out. | ||
| And then the last few hours of your day, you're just a zombie. | ||
| We're such bitches. | ||
| We need sleep. | ||
| If we don't get that sleep, you're working at 40% capacity. | ||
| You have to struggle with everything you do. | ||
| Yeah, hilarious, right? | ||
| I get angry when I don't get sleep. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm like, fuck this crowd! | ||
| I remember being young, though, thinking, like, just feeling like shit after pulling an all-nighter. | ||
| And thinking, you know, the difference between me then and me now is I'm probably more aware of how I feel like shit now. | ||
| I'm more aware of what my body actually requires. | ||
| When you're 20 years old and you do something like that, you don't think anything of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just... | |
| You go, why am I so tired? | ||
| Yeah, the endurance is crazy. | ||
| When you're young, it's weird. | ||
| You can lay there, and when you hear your body working, that's scary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When it's just going boom, boom, boom, boom. | |
| And you think about what you've made it do. | ||
| It's just all booze and drugs in you, and you haven't eaten a couple days? | ||
| That's gross. | ||
| So how old were you when you got into stand-up? | ||
| 44. Wow. | ||
| I've been doing it five and a half years exactly last week. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 2,600 spots. | ||
| That's a fucking hustle, dude. | ||
| You know what's weird? | ||
| Joe, this is a true story. | ||
| When I started thinking of doing comedy, all the guys I loved were in their 40s. | ||
| You know, it's like you, CK, Tom Papa, I was watching a lot, Burr, and I had, I was really naive thinking like, oh, it's not an age thing, like rock, you know? | ||
| Right, whereas a rock star, there's only a few guys that get to that Mick Jagger level where you can do whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| And they're looked at as like, you know, old rockers or whatever, but comedians aren't looked at as old comics. | ||
| They're looked at as comics. | ||
| Because most of the killers are in their 40s. | ||
| You know, the guys I love. | ||
| Well, there's something about your insight when you get into your 40s that is probably missing when you're in your 30s. | ||
| You can be really funny when you're in your 30s, but it's very rare that you find someone in their 30s that has the insight of a Louis C.K. The point of view, the unique perspective of a Burr. | ||
| It takes a lot of living to become that guy. | ||
| Yeah, you have to travel. | ||
| You have to think. | ||
| Yeah, you do. | ||
| You have to understand your own bullshit, too. | ||
| Which a lot of times you don't yet when you're in your 30s. | ||
| When you're in your 30s, even if you're really funny, you might have some funny points. | ||
| You probably don't understand your own bullshit yet. | ||
| Yeah, you've got to admit to yourself. | ||
| You've got to figure it out. | ||
| I'm shitty in some ways. | ||
| Yeah, and then you talk about it on stage. | ||
| Did you go to AA or one of those things where you stand on a podium and make people laugh? | ||
| That's how a lot of guys start, right? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't do that. | ||
| What happened was I drank and did coke every night, but I sang every night and I had three guys in my band. | ||
| I was losing my voice. | ||
| So I go to the doctor and he goes, You can't drink alcohol. | ||
| It dries out your vocal cords. | ||
| You've got, like, what they call pre-nodes, which is like calluses on your vocal cords, like Adele God or Steven Tyler or Paul Stanley, and you've got to go in and get them lasered off. | ||
| You won't be able to sing for six months. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| And when you're making a living, even two days off, even with comedy, that completely makes the machine crumble. | ||
| So my guys are like, hey, you can't drink, you know, we gotta eat. | ||
| And I felt like that too. | ||
| I was like, alright, I gotta quit for a little bit and see what happens. | ||
| Then after three weeks went by, I felt fantastic and I just never looked back. | ||
| So you never got it lasered? | ||
| No. | ||
| What I did was, he told me two things. | ||
| Quit drinking, don't talk all day, and don't talk after gigs. | ||
| And I just chilled for like three weeks. | ||
| And a lot of Ricolas, throat coat tea. | ||
| And the number one thing I did wrong, which people don't know, was when you clear your throat, it's the worst thing you can do when you go... | ||
| Damn, I do that all the time. | ||
| It bangs your vocal cords together, and that's the worst thing you can do for your voice. | ||
| Maybe you just have bitch-ass vocal cords. | ||
| My vocal cords don't mind rumbling a little bit. | ||
| Button heads. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your vocal cords lift weights. | |
| They're getting jacked running hills. | ||
| So that was what made you quit drinking? | ||
| You didn't hit a rock bottom. | ||
| I had some radical... | ||
| I mean, I was getting pretty radical. | ||
| I threw a beer in an A&R guy's face. | ||
| Why'd you do that? | ||
| What's an A&R guy? | ||
| That's a radio executive? | ||
| Artist in Residence. | ||
| That's a guy that signs you to record labels. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, so we're doing a showcase for... | ||
| What does it stand for? | ||
| Artists in Residence? | ||
| Representors? | ||
| Representors. | ||
| Artists in Relations. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You threw a beer in his face? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were doing a showcase and there was a bunch of record labels come down to see us. | ||
| They're all hot. | ||
| And right before we go on, they all start leaving. | ||
| Our manager's like, I don't know what the fuck's going on. | ||
| They're all leaving. | ||
| And so he calls them the next day and I go, well, such and such said he signed you guys yesterday at lunch. | ||
| And so we left. | ||
| It was like a scam he did so he could watch us on his own. | ||
| So I saw him about a month later. | ||
| I was pretty drunk at an awards show. | ||
| And I just had a beer and just right on his face and talks. | ||
| I was like, yeah, that's probably not good. | ||
| That's not good for the business. | ||
| Later, though, I seen him later, and he's like, that's pretty gangster. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He said it was gangster? | ||
| Yeah, he knew. | ||
| That's like the GNR era of rockers, you know? | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| The Guns N' Roses era. | ||
| Were you around for that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you see them come up? | ||
| I saw them come up big time, yeah. | ||
| I played in that whole scene, you know? | ||
| What was that like, man? | ||
| That seems like one of the weirdest eras of Hollywood, because it seems like a rock and roll era that nobody really saw coming, like a late 80s. | ||
| I mean, outside of them, and there's quite a few big bands from back then, but not necessarily big bands from L.A. They were so much better than everybody else. | ||
| You had them and Jane's Addiction, really. | ||
| Those were the two, and they played gigs together and stuff. | ||
| When you think about the two styles, they're totally different, but both the recipes are the same. | ||
| Danger. | ||
| And whenever you have something really fucking dangerous, it's going to hit with kids, because you're coming out of that Reagan era, and everything's kind of shitty. | ||
| It's like comedy was big in the 80s. | ||
| When it's bad, people grab onto it. | ||
| And you had a long time of bad music. | ||
| You had a bunch of super glam, spandex stuff, and then this thing comes in, Welcome to the Jungle. | ||
| And it feels real. | ||
| And the whole record's good. | ||
| That's why it made it. | ||
| It wasn't one, two songs. | ||
| Yeah, that record's fantastic. | ||
| But if you look at the original video for Welcome to the Jungle... | ||
| Yeah, he had t-step hair. | ||
| He's on the borderline of that glam thing. | ||
| Like, somebody must have talked him into dressing like that, or he didn't know any better yet. | ||
| But his hair was like Farrah Fawcett or some shit. | ||
| You should have seen Dean's hair, man. | ||
| It was just as bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got pictures. | |
| Really? | ||
| Hell yeah! | ||
| Do you have pictures we can see online? | ||
| Do you have an Instagram page or anything? | ||
| Yeah, Dean Del Rey. | ||
| There's tons of pictures of me on there from the old days. | ||
| Jamie will find it. | ||
| But I want to see Axl Rose first. | ||
| Welcome to the jungle. | ||
| Yeah, because it changed. | ||
| Then it was like bandanas and greasy hair and the heroin look. | ||
| He went from the hairband look to the heroin look. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| I remember specifically seeing them. | ||
| This was the turning point. | ||
| They were grinding out, and the record came out. | ||
| You know that record failed when it first came out? | ||
| People don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| First single, Bombed. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What was the first single? | ||
| Yeah, Welcome to the Jungle. | ||
| That was the first single that bombed? | ||
| Well, dudes liked it, but it wasn't, you know, it took, you had to wait until you got the sweet child of mine. | ||
| Look at his hair. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Look at that photo. | ||
| It's kind of grungy, slightly grungy, but you know what it is? | ||
| It's like you tried to be grunge there. | ||
| You worked it. | ||
| Your hair doesn't stick up that much. | ||
| No, no, that's hairspray. | ||
| Unless you work in a chemical plant. | ||
| You gotta think though, man. | ||
| This era, when you look at this, and I always describe this to people, and you have tattoos and I have tattoos. | ||
| In this era of the 80s, when you had tattoos, that meant you were never working a regular job at that time. | ||
| Now you work at Chipotle, you work at Starbucks, wherever. | ||
| But at that time, that meant no one was hiring you except construction or landscaping. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You weren't going to get a job, so that was the CEO. I mean, he has multiple giant tattoos, too. | ||
| Yeah, he just went out. | ||
| Now you've got like 16-year-old kids that have sleeves. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Side boobs, boobs in fifth grade. | ||
| I always say, I don't think I've got enough tattoos to work at Chipotle. | ||
| Yeah, and ladies, what's up with the inspirational quotes below the side boob? | ||
| So, that is becoming... | ||
| That is the fucking barbed wire around the bicep of the 2015 era. | ||
| The inspirational quote on your side boob. | ||
| That's the new tramp stamp. | ||
| Weird, right? | ||
| And it's always like, you know, some fucking Ralph Waldo Emerson quote or something biblical. | ||
| It's never good like a Charles Bukowski thing, you know, like I'm a day drinker. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That would be dope, right? | ||
| He was another one. | ||
| It's one of my favorite representations of Hollywood. | ||
| God, I love Bukowski. | ||
| You know, that's why I like Burr. | ||
| I like you. | ||
| I like guys that are dangerous, and I'm attracted to the edge. | ||
| I just love that. | ||
| Are you living on the edge? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm living on the edge! | |
| You can't drink at that day! | ||
| It's funny, Dean is now addicted to candy, though. | ||
| I went over to his house, trash cans full of candy wrappers. | ||
| That's bad for you, son. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's why I like listening to you, Joe, because it's like, I'm trying to get healthy, for real. | ||
| I quit caffeine, I don't smoke, I don't drink, because I don't want to die. | ||
| I work seven nights a week, man. | ||
| Do you eat healthy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| I don't ever eat fast food. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| But you can do, which is just as bad. | ||
| Well, Ari and I are trying to quit, so we cut one day out. | ||
| I'm up to two days now, sometimes three. | ||
| Yeah, sugar can be really addictive. | ||
| You know why it's brutal? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you've been doing it since you were two. | ||
| You start drugs maybe when you're 18, 19, but two, your cereal's loaded, your drinks are loaded, your fucking bread's loaded. | ||
| Fucking bread. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The first day I quit smoking, I ate six packs of Mentos, and now I have the hugest canker sore in my mouth. | ||
| From Mentos? | ||
| From just eating too much candy. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| It hurts really bad. | ||
| I don't know if it's from that, though. | ||
| It could be with you. | ||
| It could be from a lot of shit. | ||
| Or it's vaginitis. | ||
| Yeah, like, what are you, an analyst? | ||
| Like, you've observed all your illnesses? | ||
| Well, I know this one. | ||
| This one came from Toronto. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't know where these sores are coming from. | ||
| They're just on your face. | ||
| Toronto. | ||
| We're going to Toronto, man. | ||
| We'll be there next month. | ||
| I love Toronto. | ||
| Me too, right? | ||
| The dudes up there. | ||
| I did that room and they were talking about you and they were like, what's the epic night? | ||
| The comedy underground there? | ||
| Yeah, the pot club. | ||
| Yeah, they had a picture of you in there and stuff. | ||
| I've done it a few times. | ||
| It's so That place is weird because it makes you realize you can get a secondhand buzz real easy. | ||
| I used to think that getting high secondhand was bullshit. | ||
| Not in that fucking room. | ||
| You go in that room, you can't even see the back of the room, and the room's only 20 feet deep. | ||
| You can't see it. | ||
| We're in a cloud. | ||
| It's one of the few places that actually made Doug Benson green out, where he passed out in the middle of the lobby. | ||
| And then Tony Hinchcliffe got off stage, and he took off his shirt and went outside and almost fell down. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I was headlining in there, doing an hour, and I don't smoke weed. | ||
| And 30 minutes in, my throat was like someone shaved it with sandpaper. | ||
| And then I was completely loaded, and I was up there like, this is kind of cool, man. | ||
| I don't even know where I'm at. | ||
| Yeah, they can hotbox any person in the world. | ||
| I mean, just the air in there, it's so THC-filled. | ||
| There's no real air in there. | ||
| None. | ||
| None. | ||
| No, it's all pot smoke. | ||
| And now they're all doing that dabbing, so they're straight zombies, too. | ||
| That's crackhead. | ||
| I mean, they are zombies! | ||
| Explain dabbing. | ||
| What's the difference between dabbing... | ||
| It's smoking weed. | ||
| They get this wax, like the oil. | ||
| It's like hash, exactly, but it's even stronger, they say. | ||
| And then they've got this electrical fucking wand, and they kind of rub it over it, and then they suck in this, you know, this like... | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| It's straight THC. There's no weed. | ||
| How does the wave of what over it? | ||
| It's pretty much exactly like smoking crack on aluminum foil, but it's in a nice glass thing, so you think it's not like crack. | ||
| Jamie, pull out a video of people dabbing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you ever taken a hot knife hit of a hash or anything like that? | |
| Yes. | ||
| Doing the exact same thing. | ||
| But way stronger. | ||
| You know what I've seen? | ||
| This guy who was my... | ||
| He wasn't even an agent. | ||
| He was my... | ||
| It wasn't my agent. | ||
| He was my manager's friend, who was also an agent. | ||
| He lit some hash. | ||
| He put hash on a... | ||
| Like a... | ||
| Thumbtack? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He put the piece of hash on the thumbtack, lit it on fire, and then put it under a glass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And let it fill the glass up, and then he lifted the glass up, and it went... | ||
| I'm like, oh great, this guy's a drug addict. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| That's all I could think of was this guy was a drug addict. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, if you just lit a joint, like, I was just, I didn't, I had no idea what the fuck, what the fuck hash was back then. | ||
| And look at all the tools and all this shit. | ||
| Oh yeah, they carry a full briefcase with him of all these, like, like, Ari and I were in Sacramento at the punchline and this guy goes, come out to the car, he opened his trunk and he had like a dab center. | ||
| What is going on here? | ||
| So this guy's just hanging on there, and she's sort of working it while he smokes it? | ||
| Yeah, so she's burning it. | ||
| She's pretty much burning it. | ||
| But, Joe, now they have state-of-the-art things. | ||
| They're like an electric wand, and it rubs over it. | ||
| There's no fire. | ||
| It's like electric. | ||
| This is why potheads have a bad name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This video. | |
| These guys waiting in line to get their brains obliterated. | ||
| I think I told you this, Joe, that I recently was in San Francisco, and there was one of these places across the street from the comedy club, and me, Tiffany, Haddish, and Tony went across the street to check out this dab place, and there was like half of the people were homeless, that were just sitting there spending their money. | ||
| That's like San Francisco anywhere, though. | ||
| Yeah, but it was like being in a crack house. | ||
| And it looked like people were doing crack, and people were passed out like it was a crack house. | ||
| But it's not the same thing, because crack is like an elevated thing. | ||
| Like, you get whacked out, right? | ||
| But this is just zombied from weed. | ||
| And they are really zombied, though, Joe. | ||
| I'm talking about, you're looking at a guy two feet away, and you're going, this guy's fucking dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you're doing comedy for them. | |
| You're doing comedy for the Night of the Living Day. | ||
| There's a place in North Hollywood. | ||
| That's the spot. | ||
| That's the spot where it's a dab bar and then it's a comedy stage and me and Freddie Lockhart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've got to try this place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the dumbest fucking idea ever. | |
| It's the dumbest idea ever. | ||
| Me and Freddie both took a hit, and then we walked outside, and it makes you cough. | ||
| At least me. | ||
| Me and Freddie coughed for like 30 minutes, and we couldn't even talk. | ||
| We're like, I can't breathe. | ||
| And then we had to go on stage. | ||
| Nobody was paying attention. | ||
| They were looking through you. | ||
| They were like figuring out, like talking to Jerry, and they had no idea what was going on. | ||
| One guy was face down onto the stage in front of me, and I'm like, are we going to check on this guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| I'm up there doing dick jokes. | ||
| It's amazing that pot really can't kill you. | ||
| I know. | ||
| If you had thought that with some of these dab guys, with some of these people that have these crazy contraptions, like these ridiculous vaporizers, somewhere along the line, someone must have fucking hit the wall. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| I felt like I was dying on weed many times. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I smoked weed about five, six, about seven years ago. | ||
| I got back into weed big time before I started comedy. | ||
| And I was like, whoa, this isn't 80s weed. | ||
| You know, like one hit, my heart would... | ||
| It's definitely a totally different experience, but apparently this kind of weed was available. | ||
| There's been some scientists that have done some studies on the different strains and what the potency. | ||
| Apparently there was some pretty fucking strong weed back in the day, like Acapulco Gold used to call it. | ||
| You could get a hold of some really strong weed, but the strongest weed today is stronger than that, and that weed was rare. | ||
| You know, like, you'll get a hold of some today that's not that good, but most of the weed today is pretty fucking good. | ||
| Rarely you would get, like, quality California weed back then. | ||
| I just asked my uncle the same thing. | ||
| I was like, you know, about it. | ||
| He goes, no, it was available. | ||
| I had heard of it. | ||
| He's like, I smoked weed every day and never saw it. | ||
| I went to Cannabis Cup, and they... | ||
| Take you out there and you can vote on the weed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's in Amsterdam once a year. | ||
| And then the winners... | ||
| It's a big deal because the winners sell these seeds for big money. | ||
| I was a judge. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| I was a judge at one in L.A. I was obliterated. | ||
| I had no idea what anything tasted like. | ||
| Yeah, I smoked some shit. | ||
| White Widow No. | ||
| 5. Well, they gave me like a box... | ||
| Like, and it had, you know all those things that people do for vitamins where they have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and it's all labeled on top? | ||
| And you pop up each individual. | ||
| They had one of those, filled with weed. | ||
| And they give it to you. | ||
| Like, good fucking luck remembering what anything is. | ||
| Yeah, the first three people you try one every year, probably. | ||
| Not even, man. | ||
| It's like relationships. | ||
| It's like your friend. | ||
| Like, oh, this is my friend's shit, man. | ||
| You know, they don't, like, check to see if anybody... | ||
| And it's also just random. | ||
| It's fucking totally random. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I love Amsterdam. | ||
| Some stuff does taste pretty good. | ||
| Some of it has a different kind of flavor to it, but not enough that you would award it anything. | ||
| I'm a black hash guy. | ||
| I love it more than anything. | ||
| The taste is great. | ||
| Black hash? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's black hash? | ||
| Just black hash. | ||
| It's like that oily black hash that's made out of the oil, and you can kind of pull it off. | ||
| You mean resin? | ||
| No, it looks like a ball, like a tar ball. | ||
| You peel a piece off, it tastes great, man. | ||
| And it's a different high. | ||
| Yeah, well, when you're eating hash, especially if you're eating it, even if you're smoking it, you're getting a different... | ||
| It's like a vaporizer high more than it's like a joint high. | ||
| Yeah, I like it better. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah, because I think it's more mellow for me, you know? | ||
| It doesn't seem to grab me and go, your heart, you're shitting your pants. | ||
| I always think I'm shitting my pants on weed. | ||
| Like, I feel like there's no feeling below. | ||
| I usually feel the opposite. | ||
| I feel like I have too much feeling going on. | ||
| Too aware of all the different processes that are happening. | ||
| I feel it all. | ||
| But it does loosen up the bowels. | ||
| It does get you where you want to take a giant shit. | ||
| When was the last time you smoked weed? | ||
| Probably five years ago. | ||
| Right when I started comedy, I realized I had to quit because it was wiping out my short-term memory. | ||
| I'd be on stage and I'd be like, Fuck, what's next? | ||
| I couldn't remember. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I could not remember what was next, but I can remember 20 years ago. | ||
| And this was no partying back then, the drinking was done, all that? | ||
| Oh yeah, I stopped drinking in 92. No coke, no booze since 92. And that's all because of the throat? | ||
| Yeah, pretty much. | ||
| And then I realized, I gotta get my shit together. | ||
| I burned it up hard, Joe. | ||
| I mean hard. | ||
| So, like, guys like Paul Stanley, Paul Stanley never drank, right? | ||
| No, he didn't. | ||
| Those guys were clean dudes, but, you know, you can trash your voice. | ||
| He, you gotta think, Paul, every night he's like, oh! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Are you ready? | ||
| You know, that's all he ever does. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cold gin! | |
| Yeah, when he's talking, he's like, I think it's time for some cold gin! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, and it's like he never stops that. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| That must be brutal in the neck. | ||
| Way easier to sing now. | ||
| You got in-ear monitors. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| There I am in the middle. | ||
| There I am. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's me, Joe, with the bullet boys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at you. | |
| You ridiculous bitch of me. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And then on the left, that's me with Tracy Guns from LA Guns. | ||
| What do these guys look like now? | ||
| They look the same. | ||
| Impossible. | ||
| Fire up a photo, I think. | ||
| I have a photo like two days later. | ||
| Of LA Guns? | ||
| Of Tracy does a podcast with me. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| There's us. | ||
| There's Tracy on the left. | ||
| That's the guy on the right from the Bullet Boys. | ||
| They do not look the same. | ||
| Well, I mean, they do. | ||
| Not even remotely. | ||
| Well, they got hats on. | ||
| You need glasses. | ||
| Look at my shirt. | ||
| Wright Snake. | ||
| Stephen Wright Wright Snake. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Fucking love Stephen Wright, man. | ||
| Do you have the picture of you and Axl Rose? | ||
| Axl, yeah. | ||
| That's on there. | ||
| Does that dude have a Che Guevara tattoo on his chest? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder how much he really knows about Che Guevara. | ||
| There's a lot of people that got Che Guevara tattoos that didn't know a goddamn thing about Che Guevara. | ||
| They just wanted to look cool. | ||
| Who do you find in more old pictures of him? | ||
| Axl Rose is a really good picture. | ||
| It's towards the beginning, if you're in my Instagram. | ||
| The beginning of when it started? | ||
| Of my Instagram feed. | ||
| Oh, when you first started out? | ||
| Alright, Jamie will find it. | ||
| Yeah, he'll get it. | ||
| So you did it for all those years, you did music, and then what made you decide to do an open mic night? | ||
| Well, what happened was I stopped playing music basically because once the downloading came in, the illegal downloading, there's just no money for a mid-level musician anymore. | ||
| When I played music, you could play music for years and just be touring like the jam bands, like Grateful Dead, Blues Traveler, Black Crows, that kind of thing, and make some money selling CDs and shirts. | ||
| But once people just grabbed the CDs, it was out. | ||
| We'd come home, we'd be like, we got 400 bucks, we've been out three months. | ||
| That's cool for me, but when you've got band members with wives, they're like, hey, you've been gone for three months, you have no money. | ||
| I stopped. | ||
| And I started working at Harley. | ||
| Harley Davidson. | ||
| I was like, I guess I'll just do this. | ||
| But when you've been on stage 25 years, it starts to fuck with you. | ||
| You're like, man, I gotta be here at 9. And then I gotta be here all day. | ||
| What were you doing for Harley? | ||
| Selling bikes. | ||
| So you were like a bike salesman? | ||
| Yeah, over in Van Nuys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I actually liked it. | ||
| But it was... | ||
| It's just so different from... | ||
| Was it the death of a dream, like that kind of thing? | ||
| It really felt like that. | ||
| Yeah, I felt pretty... | ||
| I was really depressed and I was angry. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Yeah, because I was just kind of like, fuck these guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, you get a guy come in and you spend four or five hours with him. | |
| Right. | ||
| You're on commission. | ||
| And then they go somewhere else, and they come over with their bike like, hey man, look, I bought one! | ||
| They don't know that you're on commission, I guess. | ||
| I went over there, they gave me a shirt, and you're like, fuck, I made no money today. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, it really is. | ||
| That's annoying. | ||
| That's the annoying thing about being a salesman, right? | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| But there's... | ||
| Comedy is a lot like sales, you know what I mean? | ||
| Because you're constantly trying to get stage time, and with sales, you're constantly hoping somebody says yes. | ||
| Being a salesman is weird, too, because you're kind of a professional manipulator in a lot of ways. | ||
| Oh, it's horrible. | ||
| I told Burr this. | ||
| A lot of times, you feel like a drug dealer because you're selling something to somebody that they're probably going to die on. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, what do you mean? | ||
| Because they just don't know how to ride. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And you're just, they're like, yeah, I'm on it. | ||
| You're like, hey, you took to school, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And they're lying and they just, they roll out and you go, that guy has no idea. | ||
| He's on two wheels and he's going onto Van Nuys Boulevard right now. | ||
| You get that one of the most brutal streets. | ||
| Dude, I've been watching so many, ever since I got rear-ended the other day, I've been watching so many people texting in their fucking car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| God damn, folks gotta stop doing that. | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| Everybody thinks they can pull it off, and you see people doing this as they're driving, looking down, looking up, looking down, looking up, like, fuck. | ||
| The amount of time you cover while you're looking down, going straight forward before you look up again, you're talking about sometimes 20, 30 feet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bang! | |
| At a time. | ||
| And that's 20, 30 feet that you didn't hit the brakes. | ||
| That something popped up in front of you and it's too late and boom! | ||
| Old lady's flying through the air. | ||
| She just walked out into traffic. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I mean, even when you're not texting, how many times on the 101 are you like, whoa, fuck, whoa, shit, look at this, whoa! | ||
| And now you're adding texting into it? | ||
| I watched some lady with a kid in her car today. | ||
| She was doing that thing that sometimes people, they take driving and it turns into like a sport. | ||
| Like they try to like get in front of the car to the left. | ||
| It was a two lane road and she was trying to get in front of, there was a guy to my right and there was a guy That was in front of us. | ||
| There was like a little bit of gap between me and him. | ||
| And she was trying to speed and get into that gap. | ||
| And right when she was trying to speed, someone else came into her lane. | ||
| They weren't paying attention. | ||
| And she had a kid in her car. | ||
| And she had to slam on the brake and go flying into the side of the road. | ||
| Emergency roll. | ||
| And I watched her do it. | ||
| And I watched her afterwards. | ||
| She was like touching the kid's chest and talking to him, trying to console him. | ||
| Because the kid freaked out. | ||
| Because she didn't need to do it. | ||
| There was no reason to do it. | ||
| And she drove normal after that. | ||
| She was behind me the entire way. | ||
| I kept an eye on her. | ||
| But I was like, this was just like a game. | ||
| She wanted to make that gap. | ||
| Some girl, I was on Laurel Canyon, and she came right up to me, like right onto my ass, and started flashing her lights. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck is this lady doing? | ||
| And then she tries to pass me and then pushes me off the side of the road as another car starts coming. | ||
| Then she slams on her brake, goes behind me. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| Like, she literally tried to, like, sideswipe me. | ||
| And then she gets ahead of me and just kept on slamming on her brakes and brake-checking me. | ||
| So I finally... | ||
| By the way, this is all on Periscope. | ||
| I finally... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's periscoping! | |
| He's periscoping his shits. | ||
| I have her sailing up here. | ||
| Yeah, you wonder why she wanted to get past you. | ||
| She's like, look at this guy! | ||
| Asshole periscoping. | ||
| I have a dash mount, so it's just sitting there. | ||
| But then we get to a stoplight, and I pull up next to her. | ||
| I roll down my window. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, what the fuck? | |
| What the fuck is your problem? | ||
| And it's a girl with her hair really short, and she's sitting there like that, and she takes off in front of me, and then brakes checks me. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| Second light, same thing. | ||
| I roll down, I'm like, hey, hey, you, you! | ||
| And she rolls down the window, gives me this smirk, like she's like, ha, ha, like that. | ||
| And then when it turns right, she just tries to side slam me again. | ||
| You should run into her and then kill her. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Get out of the car and beat her to death. | ||
| And then periscope it. | ||
| Well, I got her license plates the number. | ||
| You should periscope murder. | ||
| I got her license plate number, and I realized, do you know how easy it is to get people's information from a license plate? | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's just a $40 Google search. | ||
| So what's her name? | ||
| What's this gal's name? | ||
| The sweetheart. | ||
| She's really hot, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is she? | |
| She gets a pass. | ||
| She gets a pass? | ||
| She gets a pass! | ||
| You're so weak. | ||
| You will live your life in torture. | ||
| And you will never learn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She gets a pass. | |
| Her bone structure gives her a pass. | ||
| She's like half Japanese, half Mexican. | ||
| That's a great combo. | ||
| What is wrong with you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is wrong with you, son? | |
| Yeah, somebody side swiped my car the other day. | ||
| $7,000 worth of damage to my car. | ||
| Just parked in front of my street. | ||
| And I had a drop cam that faces my front of my house. | ||
| And so I caught the person driving by. | ||
| And it was so fast that I couldn't even see anything. | ||
| It was just like they hit the car behind me, hit my car, and was going... | ||
| Someone hammered, probably. | ||
| 80 miles an hour, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It was so fast. | ||
| This happens like once every three months. | ||
| I'll drive down one of these little side streets. | ||
| I was on Van Owen. | ||
| And Van Owen had this car that someone obviously hit full speed in the rear. | ||
| And it was parked on the side of the road because people were texting or they're drunk or they fall asleep or something. | ||
| And those cars that are parked every couple months, I'll see one just caved in on the side of the road. | ||
| And you know, someone just drove along and probably was like looking down at a booty call. | ||
| And BAM! Fuck! | ||
| Did you see that woman that passed out like a month ago? | ||
| She passed out in the middle of the highway and she just fell asleep like in a lane. | ||
| And the cop is like pounding on the window and she won't wake up. | ||
| And so he had to... | ||
| I think he broke the window or something like that. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| So did she crash somewhere and fell asleep? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, she just stopped in the middle of the highway. | |
| Just took a nap. | ||
| And cars were like full stream going... | ||
|
unidentified
|
She stopped? | |
| Did she park it? | ||
| Here it is right here. | ||
| Turn up the volume. | ||
| It's really clear. | ||
| Look, her car's moving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
news tracker had the only camera there is that on the ran alongside the car you know five crutch red breaking that window to get the driver to wake up and get her to well That is rad! | |
| I guarantee you, somewhere there's a dude that is like, I told you! | ||
| I fucking told you! | ||
| I told you that bitch is crazy! | ||
| That's why we broke up! | ||
| She's pretty cute though, I'd give her a pass. | ||
| That's okay, honey. | ||
| Listen, you just need a driver. | ||
| I remember I was watching TMZ. I was watching TMZ and they're like, Rockstar crashes into nine cars in Hollywood. | ||
| I was like, oh, I gotta see this. | ||
| I'm laughing. | ||
| And then I knew the guy. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| It was this guy, Casey, from this band Amen. | ||
| They're kind of a punk metal band. | ||
| But I guess he was drunk, and he hit a car, and then he backed up to try to get away, and the front tire came off, and he didn't know. | ||
| So he's pressing the gas, and the car just drove right into all the other cars, because he had no steering. | ||
|
unidentified
|
and they had it on film. | |
| Oh, man. | ||
| It's just unbelievable that you're expected to drive to bars and then figure out how to get home. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| The fact that everywhere you look, they're handing out one of the most ridiculous drugs, it happens to you almost instantly. | ||
| Take a shot of Jack Daniels. | ||
| Within ten minutes, you're fucking trash. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How's a bottle of wine legal? | ||
| Like, that's like five glasses of wine. | ||
| That's way beyond the legal limit for two people in a dinner, an hour. | ||
| And you always hear this. | ||
| I only had wine. | ||
| I only had wine. | ||
| I love when they say that. | ||
| Yeah, if two people are just sitting at a dinner table drinking wine, and it's a bottle, and you finish the bottle off, you're both hammered. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't drive. | ||
| No. | ||
| Everywhere you look, people are driving drunk. | ||
| Everywhere you look. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Friday and Saturday night, you know, go to a comedy show, any comedy show, and those people sit there, order two, three, four drinks, and then they get out of there and they drive. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It's like, for cops, it must be like the easiest pickings ever on Friday and Saturday night. | ||
| Oh, shooting ducks in a barrel, right? | ||
| They have those new things for your iPhone, though. | ||
| It's like a breathalyzer for your iPhone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So you can just sit there and just check every, you know. | ||
| There's going to be a steering wheel thing now. | ||
| There's a new steering wheel that they've developed. | ||
| It's going to know if you're drunk. | ||
| See if you can find the story. | ||
| It was just being handed around today on social media. | ||
| None of us are going to be able to drive anywhere. | ||
| We're all going to be stuck at Applebee's. | ||
| You know what it's going to be like, man? | ||
| It's going to be like the steroid test for the UFC. You're going to go, whoa, hold up. | ||
| Everyone's drunk. | ||
| Everyone's drunk. | ||
| The roads are just fucking completely empty because no one's car starts. | ||
| They would make the legal limit go up, though, if that happened, probably. | ||
| No, they would not. | ||
| You're not allowed to have a case of beer and two shots of fireball. | ||
| No, they definitely would not. | ||
| What they would do is everybody would be hiring their little brothers and sisters to drive them around. | ||
| Look at the quiz on the right side. | ||
| Does Bigfoot exist? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| But no, but no, but no, but no. | ||
| That's the type of people that are reorganizing. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| YKYT? Or WKYT? What is that? | ||
| Mountain News? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| What's the poll result? | ||
| No, it's 73%. | ||
| 8.4% is not sure. | ||
| Not sure! | ||
| I'm not really sure! | ||
| Those are the ones that are tuned into Survivor Man Bigfoot right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| God. | ||
| When they asked Les about the footage, he said no one really knows whether or not that's Bigfoot. | ||
| That's enough for me. | ||
| That's enough for me. | ||
| He might look like a dude in a monkey mask, but I'm telling you what. | ||
| I love that Bigfoot thing because did you see the guys that they said they're the ones that did that photo in 72 or whatever? | ||
| Well, this is Patterson Gimlin footage. | ||
| There's a guy named Bob Hieronymus. | ||
| He's the guy who wore the Bigfoot footage. | ||
| You can see there's videos of him walking next to the actual footage of Bigfoot. | ||
| He walked just like that fucking guy in the monkey suit. | ||
| Jamie, what are you doing? | ||
| You showed it to us? | ||
| You pulled it down? | ||
| It won't load? | ||
| That's legit Bigfoot. | ||
| That is Bigfoot's actual foot. | ||
| Totally real. | ||
| Don't fucking hate, bro. | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| I grew up in the 70s. | ||
| I love that stuff that Leonard Nimoy would do. | ||
| Oh yeah, In Search Of. | ||
| Yeah, remember he did the Noah's Ark one? | ||
| He actually did the full movies. | ||
| I went to the drive-in and saw the Noah's Ark one and the UFO one. | ||
| Oh here it is now. | ||
| Junk driver detector. | ||
| So how does this work? | ||
| According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, approximately 10,000 people are killed by drunk drivers annually in the U.S. Look at this. | ||
| The long arm of the law is handcuffing this young man and taking him to the slammer. | ||
| Research is developing two detecting methods for the driver alcohol detection system. | ||
| One method allows the car to analyze a driver's exhaled breath for alcohol content. | ||
| See, that's annoying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because I had a friend who got a DUI and they made him do that. | ||
| Oh, they're going to have like a breath thing. | ||
| You see that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just smells your breath. | ||
| Another method shines an infrared light into your fingertips and it reads it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It was used alcohol limit of 0.08 blood alcohol content as its standard. | ||
| It used to be 09, right? | ||
| No, one. | ||
| It was one when I was growing up. | ||
| Parents could... | ||
| I wonder why they made it... | ||
| Money. | ||
| Make money. | ||
| Do you think that's what it is, or do you think it's because they realize that more people are actually crashing? | ||
| There must be some scientific basis for the 1 to 0.08, isn't there? | ||
| I don't know, but it seems to me that you should be able to go in and take a test like weed smokers. | ||
| How good you do? | ||
| Well, and be like, well, I've been drinking 25 years, so my limit should be higher. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| No, but the problem with that is then you're going to push it even further. | ||
| The guys are like, look, I did the legal limit. | ||
| I do three shots. | ||
| I can handle five. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| And you'll just keep pushing it. | ||
| But if you know that if you piss or you blow an 08, you're fucked, then you're not going to get drunk. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Or if you do, you can't really argue about it. | ||
| I used to do these open mics, Joe, and this girl had the breathalyzer on her car, and she would pay guys to go out and breathe in her ride so she could drive home because she would be drunk. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| So it looks like this is 98. In March of 98, President Clinton called for the promotion of a national legal limit under which it would be illegal, per se, to operate a motor vehicle with a blood alcohol concentration of.08 or higher across the country, including federal property. | ||
| Dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was just trying to get people to not pay attention to his extra credit. | |
| Dirty freak. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| That was the last of the real ones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The last of the ones that I can fucking relate to. | ||
| The real presidential dick-slingers. | ||
| I can't wait for him to be back. | ||
| Was Hillary? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think Hillary's gonna win? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| They did some polls, man. | ||
| After the emails and stuff, people are just like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're looking... | |
| First of all, people were looking for a reason to not like her because she's a woman. | ||
| Let's just get that out of the way. | ||
| And the fact that she's a woman that's also a Clinton, and it's a Clinton versus a Bush. | ||
| People are fucking totally tired of this dynasty thing that's been going on for the past... | ||
| X amount of decades, where they're just going back and forth, Bush to Bush to Bush. | ||
| I mean, the idea of a Jeb Bush being president after his brother fucked everything up, and then his dad fucked everything up before that, and if that's not our option, then the Clinton option, and it's Hillary, and Hillary, she's tied to a bunch of shady fucking things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God, yeah, that property stuff. | ||
| Yeah, the Whitewater thing from back in Arkansas, the Vince Foster thing. | ||
| There's a lot of weird shit. | ||
| But that's the case with anybody that's involved in high-level politics like that. | ||
| They got some shit on you before you ever even get in there. | ||
| Otherwise, you don't get in there. | ||
| You can't be a politician and be clean. | ||
| That's impossible. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| You literally can't get to the highest level where you're running for president unless you've been completely compromised by special interest groups. | ||
| That's the only way. | ||
| Those campaign contributions are critical. | ||
| And you have to sit down with those fucking corporation owners and the CEOs, and they figure out what the fuck is going to go down, like how laws are going to be structured, what influence is going to get them if this person gets into office. | ||
| They're not ambiguous about it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Like, maybe I can help you if I get in. | ||
| Give me a million bucks. | ||
| Maybe I can help you. | ||
| They know that this guy is going to make either regulations more relaxed or figure out how to push things through or figure out... | ||
| That's what politics are. | ||
| It's all money now. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| It's the whole ball of wax. | ||
| When they talk about the amount of time that a guy actually spends campaigning and trying to raise money, as opposed to how much time they spend on actual work, it's astounding. | ||
| A campaign is all about raising money. | ||
| Their whole thing is about raising money and occasionally giving speeches. | ||
| That's crazy, right? | ||
| It's just whoever gets the most money wins. | ||
| Not only that, you would have to have some insane amount of money spent just to try to make it into those debates. | ||
| Just to try to get into debates. | ||
| Like, the Commission for Presidential Debates is a privately owned corporation or a privately owned institution. | ||
| Like, you can't just get in the debate. | ||
| You can't say, hey, I'm Dean Del Rey and I've got some pretty good ideas and I'd like to run for president. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| You have to get more than, I believe, 15% on five different polls, and it's the polls that they choose. | ||
| Like, they can cherry-pick. | ||
| Like, say, if you're a guy like a Ross Perot-type guy that might fuck things up for them. | ||
| They didn't anticipate that when Ross Perot came around. | ||
| And he spent a shitload of his own money to try to run for president and ruined all their plans. | ||
| So right away afterwards, they monkeyed with the numbers and changed things. | ||
| It made it even more difficult for an independent person To debate in the presidential elections. | ||
| So to the average American, there's only two choices. | ||
| You see those two assholes on television. | ||
| You have your Republican debates, and you have your Democratic debates, and then when it breaks down to those two guys, those are the only two people running for president, as far as you know. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's a broken system. | ||
| Like, I'm 49. How old are you, Joe? | ||
| 47. I'll be 48 in August. | ||
| Do you remember a good president? | ||
| Yeah, well, Clinton was good. | ||
| People liked Clinton until he got caught getting a blowjob. | ||
| Carter, man. | ||
| Carter's a sweetie. | ||
| Yeah, I love Carter. | ||
| He smoked weed with, what, Elvis on the roof? | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Yeah, at the White House. | ||
| That's what they say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I never heard that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's one of those fucking... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Google that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's one of those rainbow bar and grill famous stories. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I think it was like in an Elvis book or something. | ||
| Who told you, Lenny from Motorhead? | ||
| Did he tell you? | ||
| Over a plate of spaghetti. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, one time I met Elvis, he said he smoked weed with Jimmy. | |
| Dean, was it you that told me the classic Ron Jeremy story about the rainbow and his sleeping? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| Supposedly, he's a narcoleptic. | ||
| Ron Jeremy? | ||
| Ron Jeremy. | ||
| He just falls asleep all the time. | ||
| And supposedly, he was at the Rainbow, and I forget who told me the story. | ||
| It says they looked over, and Ron just went right in his spaghetti and fell asleep in his spaghetti. | ||
| And then somebody put him up, and he had spaghetti all over him and stuff. | ||
| Oh, here it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lily Nelson. | |
| Oh, Willie. | ||
| Oh, Willie Nelson and Chip Carter. | ||
| Chip Carter smoked a joint together on the White House. | ||
| Oh, see how the story changes? | ||
| That's Chip Carter, though. | ||
| See how the story changes? | ||
| Yeah, boy. | ||
| That's how that game of telephone works. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| So Chip Carter's Jimmy Carter's son? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Must be, right? | ||
| That's not the one that... | ||
| Why isn't Chip Carter running? | ||
| What's he doing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember Billy Bill? | ||
| Remember Billy Bill? | ||
| His brother had Billy beer. | ||
| Yeah, Billy Carter was a mess. | ||
| And didn't Clinton have a fucking mess of a brother, too? | ||
| They both had a mess of a brother. | ||
| God, that's classic, right? | ||
| Yeah, the mess brother that almost ruins it for everybody. | ||
| Have you smoked any of the Willie weed? | ||
| He's got his own weed now? | ||
| No. | ||
| Everyone has their own weed. | ||
| Skin Diamond has their own weed right there. | ||
| There's like four different strains named after me. | ||
| I only had one of them. | ||
| Whatever the Willie Nelson weed is, he probably has nothing to do with it. | ||
| They're paying him. | ||
| Jimmy Carter was one of the guys that I remember being young and listening to him talk and I believed him. | ||
| He seemed sincere in a way that a lot of these guys just don't. | ||
| Some guys just seem so phony. | ||
| Carter, whether or not you agreed with him or disagreed with him, he seemed sincere. | ||
| It always bugged me that The Republicans had negotiated to release the hostages in Iran after Reagan was in office. | ||
| So they had made it a part of the negotiation to not release those people. | ||
| Didn't make them look like a hero. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that means that those people had to stay prisoner longer. | ||
| Just for politics. | ||
| Yeah, I mean the Republicans at the time should have been shunned just for that. | ||
| Someone should have pointed that out if they could prove it. | ||
| If that was true, I don't know if that is true though. | ||
| That might be one of those Jimmy Carter on the roof with Elvis. | ||
| 70s is wild, right? | ||
| He did heroin with Hendricks. | ||
| It was actually Maroon 5 doing Whippets. | ||
| You remember those gas wars, Joe? | ||
| It was Green Day. | ||
| With the odd and even plates, you could only buy gas every other day? | ||
| Whatever your last number on your license plate was? | ||
| No, I don't remember that. | ||
| That was crazy. | ||
| Was that out here? | ||
| Yeah, where'd you grow up? | ||
| How was the East Coast? | ||
| It was in California. | ||
| I thought it was across the nation, but you could only buy gas on every other day if whatever your last number on your license plate was. | ||
| It was like gas wars. | ||
| That makes no sense at all. | ||
| What if you just happen to run out of gas? | ||
| You just can't do anything? | ||
| Well, that was when they started making those really economical cars. | ||
| That was when they were trying to figure out the Saudi oil situation. | ||
| That's when cars turned to shit. | ||
| American cars went from being these awesome beasts to these dogshit cars. | ||
| Dogshit cars. | ||
| The 70s to the 60s. | ||
| The 60s to the 70s is the worst drop-off Of American cars ever. | ||
| It took us until, like, the 2000s before we recovered. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like, remember the Mustang II? Oh, what a piece of shit! | ||
| All those Mustangs from the late 70s into the 80s were dog shit. | ||
| Four-cylinder Mustang? | ||
| Dog shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, the worst. | |
| Ugly, plastic, nonsense. | ||
| You go back to, like, a 69 Mach 1... | ||
| Just look at one of those, and then look at what happened in the 80s. | ||
| Like, how did you guys fall so far off? | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| How did you do this? | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Because those Mach 1s are beautiful, man. | ||
| All those old cars. | ||
| To this day. | ||
| To this day. | ||
| I mean, they might not be the most ergonomic. | ||
| They might not be the best as far as, like... | ||
| The wind resistance and all that shit. | ||
| But as far as the looks, they nailed it. | ||
| I had a Dodge Super B70. Oh, that was a great car. | ||
| Yeah, I'm selling it right now for my buddy. | ||
| I sold it to him 13 years ago. | ||
| Now he's selling it. | ||
| He's had it forever. | ||
| Is there a listing for it? | ||
| We'll get it sold right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Where's it listed? | ||
| Just email me, Dean Del Rey. | ||
| Oh, don't say it. | ||
| Don't say it. | ||
| Jesus Christ, you're going to get a fucking tsunami of black dicks. | ||
| Oh, God damn. | ||
| Thanks for warning me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did not send black dicks to that email. | |
| You almost did it. | ||
| You almost released your email address. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's a picture of it on my Instagram, though. | ||
| It says B5 Blue, and it's got the C-stripe and the crazy hood. | ||
| When you look at those cars and think that you could walk into a car lot in 70, I go, let me get that race car. | ||
| Well, that's what they're doing today. | ||
| Yeah, they are. | ||
| I love the Hellcat. | ||
| All these cars today, they're way better. | ||
| This is the first time where the new American cars, the way they drive is so much better than the old ones. | ||
| But still, the old ones, they still look better. | ||
| They still look better. | ||
| There's something about them, like a 69 Camaro. | ||
| There's something about it. | ||
| It's just like you can't beat it. | ||
| It has that classic muscle car look. | ||
| I love that car with the hideaway headlights, the four on the floor. | ||
| You had the tick-tock gauges and the wood dash and wood steering wheel, right? | ||
| And the console. | ||
| I had to have a console, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A console. | |
| Console and 8-track player, man. | ||
| Those cars, they just nailed it. | ||
| They nailed it for between 65, and it's tough to go after 73. 73 Cudas are still badass. | ||
| I think they still made a Challenger in 73, but everything else was dog shit. | ||
| That was the end. | ||
| And the cars had already lost their power. | ||
| They were already, like, butchering the power on them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But 70s, like, God, it's the last hurrah. | ||
| 69's my car. | ||
| I love the 69 Super B with the 440 six-pack and the pistol grip shifter, you know? | ||
| Yeah, by the time 70 rolled around, Mustang had already taken a downturn. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| They already started to look weird. | ||
| And then, but the... | ||
| By the time 70 rolled around, the Cuda was just getting started. | ||
| Yeah, it's a killer. | ||
| Because the Cuda sucked before 70. I had the Cuda, the first one, where it was Barra Cuda. | ||
| And it was shorter and funky. | ||
| Then they dumped the Barra and make it longer. | ||
| They make a big body and it's killer. | ||
| But they only nailed it for three years. | ||
| Can you imagine that? | ||
| They went 70 to 73. And then everything after that, it's gone. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Barracuda had it. | ||
| That was the last spark of the muscle car. | ||
| That was the last remaining era. | ||
| And sometimes you'll see one go for a million bucks. | ||
| Like a Hemi Cuda convertible purple made three. | ||
| One million dollars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
More. | |
| More, yeah. | ||
| More now. | ||
| Yeah, on Barrett-Jackson more. | ||
| Now they're going for more. | ||
| I know private collections that they sell. | ||
| They have like this RK Motors in Charlotte. | ||
| They have this big... | ||
| I love that shit, man. | ||
| I'll talk to Burr for hours on cars. | ||
| We're just nuts, man. | ||
| I'm just like, this one! | ||
| And I'll send him a photo in the middle of the night, and he'll be like, nah, this one! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Corvette had some good years after 69. They had like, the 70 Vette was still, those Stingrays, they still were pretty badass. | ||
| I love that car. | ||
| 73 is the last year on that. | ||
| Once they get rid of that steel bumper, it's out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| 73 was the last acceptable year for a muscle car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| That is weird. | ||
| You try to sell someone a 75 muscle car, good luck. | ||
| I'll tell you what I do love, Joe. | ||
| Get that hook of shit away from me. | ||
| Nobody wants it. | ||
| I love the 78 Trans Am 6.6. | ||
| You got me. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's the only car, though, in the 70s, the Burt Reynolds. | ||
| This is that website. | ||
| This is where I bought my Corvette. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| 68 Ford Shelby right there, the black one. | ||
| Good Lord. | ||
| Oh, there you go, 69 in the middle there, black. | ||
| Look at that one there, 109,000. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, I like my car stocked. | ||
| I don't like when they're all chip-fused out. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| Well, I'd get a new car for that. | ||
| Those stock ones drive like shit, though. | ||
| I know, but you just have it for the... | ||
| Look at that, 426. See where it says pro-touring? | ||
| Those pro-touring cars, what that means is they take an old muscle car and they put the most modern suspension on it. | ||
| Like Chip Foose, right? | ||
| Well, Chip is more of a designer, and Chip does a lot of different modifications to cars to make them look cool. | ||
| Look at that 70 Chevelle Supersport. | ||
| You see that? | ||
| 149 convertible. | ||
| Look at that car. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| 70 Chevelle convertible. | ||
| Good lord, that makes my dick hard! | ||
| Look at that L88 hood. | ||
| Look at that fucking car. | ||
| I love the hood. | ||
| Yeah, and the restart. | ||
| Oh my god, look at that. | ||
| Look at the L88 hood. | ||
| That's my favorite hood. | ||
| Look at that fucking car. | ||
| Can we see the interior? | ||
| Please. | ||
| Have they had a console? | ||
| That's like a perfect combination, too, of the wheels. | ||
| The wheels are like, they're modern wheels. | ||
| Oh, look at this. | ||
| That's vintage air. | ||
| Oh, look at the radios. | ||
| Dope. | ||
| Look at the top. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That top will leak after day two. | ||
| Oh, well, you stay down. | ||
| No, no, it won't leak because these are all new. | ||
| No, they replace the tops. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| Everything's new on these cars. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Look at that, Joe. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, look at the console with the four-speed. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| See, 149,000? | ||
| Dude, that's the fucking car right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| That car just gives you a man boner. | ||
| It gives me a boner for real. | ||
| Not even for sex, though. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I got goosebumps. | ||
| You just want to drive around hard. | ||
| Look at her trunk. | ||
| Yeah, this was the last couple years of the Chevelle, too. | ||
| The Chevelle was badass in 67 and 68. I just wonder what the hell it was. | ||
| Carbon fiber valve covers. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's an LS3. Look at that. | ||
| That's a 6.2 liter V8 from a Corvette. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Joe, is it hard not to just buy every single car? | ||
| I know! | ||
| Yeah, you gotta be an adult. | ||
| Joe, you pulled out of the store with that, man. | ||
| I would just fucking... | ||
| Have you seen my Corvette? | ||
| No! | ||
| My Corvette's cooler than that. | ||
| Oh, what year? | ||
| 65. Oh, I love that. | ||
| 65 Pro Touring Convertible. | ||
| The entire suspension's redone. | ||
| Fully independent suspension. | ||
| What color? | ||
| Silver. | ||
| Silver, but I sent it down to Steve Strope. | ||
| Steve Strope is this guy. | ||
| Hot Rod Builder in California and I had him change some things on it and improved the suspension. | ||
| That's the kind, like that one right there, the 64, that's exactly like mine. | ||
| Oh yeah, my dad had 65, sold it when I was born in 66. I got a photo of it, him and my mom in front of it. | ||
| They're the best, those cars. | ||
| I'll send you the photo and you can look at it, it's cool. | ||
| I'll bring that car to the store when it's finished. | ||
| It's almost done now. | ||
| I love those. | ||
| They were called the Black Widow, the one on the left, the 64 with the... | ||
| Yeah, go to that one. | ||
| I love that car. | ||
| I love that car. | ||
| They're such radical designs. | ||
| Aren't they superhero cars? | ||
| That 64 Corvette. | ||
| God, what a car. | ||
| How come they didn't do that at all? | ||
| They do sort of, dude. | ||
| Pull up the 2015 Corvette Z06. Love it. | ||
| Check this out, because this right now is a new car that Corvette has created that is as fast as a lot of cars that cost a million bucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's beating the Ferrari. | ||
| It's an insane car. | ||
| This is an insane car. | ||
| I mean, you probably have to spend a million bucks to beat it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Go to the blue. | ||
| That's the B5 blue. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Next one over. | ||
| Right there, the light blue. | ||
| You got gay taste in college, son. | ||
| What the heck is that? | ||
| What? | ||
| You don't like that? | ||
| You start drinking again, Gene. | ||
| No, that looks pretty dope. | ||
| The actual car itself, in the little swatch, looks gross. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, right. | ||
| Oh, yeah, it does. | ||
| But pull up a video of one of these, because once you see it in action, that's where it's ridiculous. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| This is a 600-horsepower race car that you can buy straight from the factory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How much is it? | |
| It's less than $80,000. | ||
| I mean, you can get one stripped out for like 80 grand, and it'll bury most really high-end sports cars. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| This is the race version you're looking at, Jamie. | ||
| This is the development of the race, the actual race version. | ||
| Go to a YouTube video, and you can see a guy, he's racing one on the corner. | ||
| Jay Leno's Garage. | ||
| Go to Jay Leno's Garage. | ||
| There you go, right there. | ||
| Oh, because it'll get us banned? | ||
| Okay, we'll just watch it without showing it to the rest of the world. | ||
| But these... | ||
| Wow, look at that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, this is the problem with this car, though, that bums me out, is that they're making this thing with an automatic. | ||
| The old Z06 and the ZR1, the only way you could get it was it had to be a stick shift. | ||
| I love the ZR1. Fucking man. | ||
| Remember that one they made? | ||
| Or even a woman. | ||
| A woman is exciting. | ||
| They made one like five years ago, ZR1. It was blue with the glass top, and they only made like 50 of them. | ||
| And that thing was insane. | ||
| It was like the next level. | ||
| ZR1's been around for a long time. | ||
| They've made it for a long time, but it was only available in a stick. | ||
| Jay Leno would never buy anything other than a stick because he's a fucking man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he wears jean shirts in 2015. Look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him. | |
| Right there, a jean shirt. | ||
| He's got one style of shirt that he allows himself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey guys, this is a ZR1. It's pretty fast. | |
| Got tires? | ||
| Don't get it twisted. | ||
| I don't give a fuck if I get laid. | ||
| I'm here to make the guys feel comfortable. | ||
| My sleeves are rolled up because I work hard at the garage. | ||
| Do you notice once he stopped TV, he got rid of that black dot that was in the middle of his head? | ||
| Yeah, he started freaking out and he went totally gray. | ||
| It's called dying. | ||
| He got older. | ||
| But yeah, I'm doing his show. | ||
| I'm doing his show. | ||
| It was supposed to have already happened, but that dude rear-ended me. | ||
| Joe, he's got a 36 knucklehead, which is considered the best Harley of all time. | ||
| I watched footage of him last week driving it. | ||
| Riding it. | ||
| All original. | ||
| He never restored it. | ||
| He found it in a barn. | ||
| It didn't start it for like 20 years. | ||
| And decided, let's try that thing out. | ||
| And he started it up and took it for a ride. | ||
| And I lose my mind when I see it. | ||
| 36 knuckle. | ||
| It's a one-year motorcycle. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he has it. | ||
| See if you can look at that real quick. | ||
| Well, hold on a second. | ||
| While we're still on it, this car... | ||
| Is the 1965, and while we're on this video, before we change, this is the 1965 of 2015. I mean, this car, when it went all said and done, and people look back in, like, the golden era of muscle cars, they came back in a big way. | ||
| Like, the new Mustangs, have you seen the new Shelby, the 2015? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| I love it. | ||
| The Shelby 350, the GT350, it's insane. | ||
| It's a beautiful car. | ||
| They were doing the sound of it yesterday on Yahoo. | ||
| They said it was the best exhaust note ever done, and you listen to it and you just go, listen to this car! | ||
| Let's pull that up. | ||
| Shelby GT350 2015. It's incredible. | ||
| It might be a 16, because it's not released yet. | ||
| Have you seen the 2015 Sienna? | ||
| Toyota Sienna? | ||
| No, pull up the exhaust sound that he just heard. | ||
| They call it the greatest... | ||
| It wouldn't be November 17th because he said it just came out, right? | ||
| Yeah, it was yesterday on Yahoo. | ||
| Yeah, try Yahoo. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, noise regulations in America. | ||
| Ford was not able to make the G250 scream at the top of it. | ||
| We'll try that. | ||
| Yeah, let's check it. | ||
| What does that say? | ||
| Exhaust modes. | ||
| Exhaust modes. | ||
| You can change the settings. | ||
| Okay, let's hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| We're such losers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| That sounds like a dragon. | ||
| Oh, that's when you open up the sport valve. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whoa! God! That is neat! | |
| Whoa! | ||
| That's a muscle, man. | ||
| That's one of the greatest sounds a muscle car has ever made. | ||
| Listen to that. | ||
| See, women... | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, my God! | |
| That's a goddamn dragon. | ||
| That's a dragon. | ||
|
unidentified
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And there you go. | |
| That's glorious. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's glorious. | ||
| Sounds don't get better than that. | ||
| Oh, that's so great, man. | ||
| That's rock and roll. | ||
| And I'm pretty sure they only make that one in a stick shift. | ||
| Praise Allah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, right. | ||
| Praise Odin. | ||
| Praise Thor. | ||
| You can't be making that fucking thing in an automatic. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
| Learn how to drive a stick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People don't appreciate what the fuck you're doing there. | |
| In LA, man, stick sucks, yes? | ||
| Oh, what is this? | ||
| Talk! | ||
| What is this talk, son? | ||
| I've never driven a stick in LA. Of course it's not as fun in bumper-to-bumper traffic, but bumper-to-bumper traffic sucks no matter what you do. | ||
| If you're only going to have one car that you drive around and you want total convenience, yes, automatic. | ||
| But... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, you get yourself a goddamn stick shift and you deal with it. | ||
| You just deal with that bumper-to-bumper. | ||
| I drove stick in San Fran, man. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| On those hills? | ||
| On the hills, you just learn, man. | ||
| Pretend you were Steve McQueen? | ||
| Yeah, a few times, just drunk, jumping hills. | ||
| Hey, I was in Echo Park last week. | ||
| They got hills over there. | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| Three streets, they say, are the tallest hills in California above San Fran. | ||
| You can't even see down. | ||
| I was like, holy shit, I was on my bike. | ||
| I was like, this is scary ass shit in Echo Park. | ||
| Three hills. | ||
| I've never been there, ever. | ||
| I just, I always find it hilarious when you see those houses in San Francisco that literally have to be smooshed up next to each other. | ||
| Because they're both leaning sideways on this fucking hill trying to stay straight. | ||
| Connected to each other. | ||
| And the way the hill is and then the bottom of the house is, it's like a triangle to wedge it into. | ||
| When you look at the actual frame of the house and the way the foundation is wedged into the hill, you're like, this is ridiculous. | ||
| Can you imagine building the house? | ||
|
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That's crazy. | |
| It's just like, no one's going to buy these and they all sell. | ||
| And then the other problem is if one of them catches on fire, it goes right through all the houses because these fucking assholes are glued next to each other. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| They have bad fires, man. | ||
| San Francisco has some bad fires. | ||
| Oh, they got history of it. | ||
| I mean, that 89 earthquake, the entire marina burned down to the ground because that was built on landfill sand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then the earth moved, and the houses sunk, and the gas lines cracked, and the whole thing went up in flames. | ||
| Yeah, that took like over a day to just put out the fires. | ||
| Yeah, the whole place was burning to the ground, 89. Can you imagine what that looked like? | ||
| Before CNN. No, they had CNN back then. | ||
| They did? | ||
| Yeah, they got that footage of the Bay Bridge over and over when the piece drops down and the car falls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I watched that live from Boston. | ||
| That's where I was like, fuck California. | ||
| That's me too. | ||
| Before I had moved here. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| I remember that quake. | ||
| It felt like an actual... | ||
| It wasn't a quake where you're like, whoa, this is a big one. | ||
| It was more like waves. | ||
| So I was watching the 89 World Series. | ||
| It was Giants A's. | ||
| First time ever. | ||
| You're like, this is going to be great. | ||
| Bay Bridge World Series. | ||
| And I come out of the living room, and the fucking floor is going on. | ||
| It's like, whoa, what? | ||
| And then you realize what's going on. | ||
| Here you go, Bay Bridge. | ||
| Here's the Oakland Bay Bridge collapse. | ||
| That's fucking brutal. | ||
| That foot scared me as a kid. | ||
| Dude, that shit is real right there. | ||
| Look at that, right there. | ||
| And then the lady drove off. | ||
| So the lady drove off the top? | ||
| Yeah, she was on the top, and then the thing dropped, and she went down. | ||
| I think the other piece crunched people below, you know? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| That's brutal. | ||
| You know somewhere someone skimped on some fucking construction costs? | ||
| Oh, yeah, right? | ||
| That bridge is gone now, right? | ||
| No, that part is... | ||
| That's the first part? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, no, that's gone. | ||
| Yeah, that's gone. | ||
| The first part's a suspended bridge and the new part, the new part's cool. | ||
| You seen it, Joe? | ||
| The new bridge? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| If I did, I wouldn't pay attention. | ||
| It's like super art deco. | ||
| When I lived in San Francisco, I lived there from age 7 to 11. I experienced the tiniest little baby earthquake where the windows rattled and I freaked out because I was a little kid. | ||
| You lived there as a kid? | ||
| Yeah, from 7 to 11. Whoa, that's rad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What were your parents doing there? | ||
| My stepdad, when I was a kid, was a computer programmer, and then he wanted to be an architect. | ||
| So we moved from New Jersey to California and lived in San Francisco for those five years. | ||
| And when I was here, I was always scared of it, but that one little one, it was just a little baby one, just enough to rattle the windows. | ||
| And I remember like, whoa, just this feeling of helplessness and weirdness. | ||
| And then I didn't experience an actual one, and even that was a baby one, until 94, I was here after the big earthquake, and I experienced some aftershocks. | ||
| I was in this shitty apartment in North Hollywood, and I remember the feeling that, you know those refrigerator boxes, like someone would buy a refrigerator, and then the kids would play in the box? | ||
| But you know how the box, like, it would just move, like, really weakly, you could push it back and forth? | ||
| That's what the apartment felt like. | ||
| It felt like a refrigerator box. | ||
| I was like, this is crazy! | ||
| Because I was in North Hollywood, which isn't too far from Northridge. | ||
| That was the epicenter, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this shitty apartment that I was in was just made out of fucking... | ||
| Hopes and dreams. | ||
| It's just sliding back and forth. | ||
| And then I've experienced a couple that are similar to that, like 5.5s, 5.4s, something like that. | ||
| But I've never experienced a real one. | ||
| The real ones are supposed to be life-changing. | ||
| Did you see that movie yet? | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| I love The Rock, but I'm not going to go see it. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| Life is precious. | ||
| I'm trying to limit my movie going to movies that don't suck. | ||
| I saw a good movie yesterday. | ||
| What'd you say? | ||
| The one about Brian Wilson. | ||
| The Beach Boys one. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's called Love and Mercy. | ||
| And it's the kid from the... | ||
| There will be Blood and Little Miss Sunshine, the guy that didn't talk on that movie. | ||
| He plays Brian Wilson. | ||
| And it's about the era of Smile and Pet Sounds. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| Smile and Pet Sounds. | ||
| Those are the two... | ||
| Pet Sounds was the record that the... | ||
| The Beatles said, oh my god, we've got to make Sgt. Peppers. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, because it was like, it was a one-man genius, basically heard all these sounds in his fucking head and made this record, Pet Sounds, a Beach Boys record. | ||
| After they're like, oh, we're surfing, surfing, they get into this, like, dark, crazy record. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| One guy, yeah. | ||
| I never knew that. | ||
| Yeah, and they need to... | ||
| One guy. | ||
| Well, Brian Wilson, he goes... | ||
| Yeah, and the other guys were out on tour, and he was like, you guys go out on tour, and I'll just make a record, and when you come back, you'll sing on it. | ||
| And he just made this fucking, like, legendary record of layered sounds and instruments, and it's really insane. | ||
| What should we listen to? | ||
| Like, what song? | ||
| Let me see the track listing, really. | ||
| It's, you know, that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would do anything... | |
| God Only Knows, right there. | ||
| That's the one right there. | ||
| That's really the one they... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that it right there? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's God Only Knows? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you can see where Beatles get started to pep it. | ||
| Wow, this is the Beach Boys? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's arguably one of the top five albums of all time. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, and he took acid, and he starts taking acid. | |
| Why have I never heard of this before? | ||
| It's incredible, Jeff. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so good. | |
| It's weird. | ||
| Yeah, YouTube might not like this either, so be careful. | ||
| Yeah, YouTube's probably not going to like this. | ||
| I'm sure those guys get fucked over. | ||
| I'll give you a copy of it, Joe. | ||
| It's great, man. | ||
| 66, huh? | ||
| Give me a copy. | ||
| What are you, living in the 80s? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How are you going to give it to me? | |
| I'm a double cassette recorder. | ||
| I'm from the 80s, dude. | ||
| I got a dual dub. | ||
| I got a cassette dual dub. | ||
| High speed dubs. | ||
| Remember high speed dubs? | ||
| Dude, I can get it through the air on my phone. | ||
| Why would I need you to give me something that I'm going to lose? | ||
| Just downloaded the whole album right there. | ||
| What am I going to do with it once I get it? | ||
| I haven't stuck a fucking CD in my car in ages. | ||
| That's hilarious, right? | ||
| Unless it's a DVD for my kids. | ||
| That's the only time I have hard discs anymore for my kids. | ||
| I'm that guy that needs the product. | ||
| I feel like, man, they're ripping me off. | ||
| I've got to have the hard product. | ||
| Do you have an album that you used to roll joints in? | ||
| Hell yeah, man. | ||
| Some people used to roll joints in an album. | ||
| They used to separate the seeds. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| They used to actually have sleeves that looked like acid paper. | ||
| Which band came with? | ||
| Big Bamboo record came with a giant one, and everybody rolled the big one-pounder joint with it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That is great. | ||
| Yeah, they used to have seeds and weed. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| It would pop! | ||
| You'd be smoking there and it would go, pop! | ||
| And it would stink and you'd go, fucking seeds! | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You'd have to, like, sort it out. | ||
| Like, I remember guys who'd have to sort out. | ||
| You'd break it up and then you would be doing all this sorting before you rolled a joint. | ||
| And then you took all those seeds and you threw it in your backyard and go, well, good luck. | ||
| Most of the time, they didn't go anywhere. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Well, there was all kinds of different weed that you would get seeds with. | ||
| And then it wasn't until, like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Indica. | ||
| When did they start having no seeds? | ||
| Because I came along to weed late. | ||
| I think it's shitty weed that has seeds. | ||
| It was always Mexican brick weed for me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| Because they'd press it all together. | ||
| And so it would come in this brick. | ||
| You'd have stems and seeds. | ||
| And you'd break it apart and then, you know, roll it up. | ||
| But once that indica, like up in NorCal, when they started growing that killer, those cola buds, there was no seeds in that shit. | ||
| It was just giant cola buds. | ||
| And everybody was like, whoa, indica's here, the new weed. | ||
| Well, all people had to figure out was how to genetically, like, not engineer with, like, chemicals, but splicing and using. | ||
| Once those botanists got a hold of weed, that's when shit got interesting. | ||
| All they needed was just enough comfortable space where they didn't feel like they were going to go to jail. | ||
| Just give them enough. | ||
| So Humboldt was, like, where a lot of that stuff came from. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because, like, that whole economy up there is based on weed. | ||
| Oh, totally. | ||
| You see the Emerald Triangle documentary? | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| I haven't seen it, but I know a lot of people grow up there. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| And it's like, without that, that whole area's gone. | ||
| Yeah, that's what's weird. | ||
| Because logging went away. | ||
| And a lot of those guys actually voted against legalization, which is really kind of fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, because they want their money. | ||
| They would butcher the prices. | ||
| And if it was easy... | ||
| If it was easy to grow and nobody had to run any risk, then it wouldn't be worth it to them. | ||
| They're out of business. | ||
| Isn't that fucked? | ||
| That is fucked. | ||
| They also voted against one of the doctors that I've been to for recommendations for prescriptions. | ||
| He told me that, like, he's like, quite honestly, I know doctors that are voting against legalization because they want to keep it medical, because you've got to keep going to the doctor every year and pay a fee in order to get your license renewed. | ||
| And I was like, whoa. | ||
| It's all money. | ||
| Think of that. | ||
| I go, that's fucked. | ||
| It's all money. | ||
| I go, how does that make you feel? | ||
| He's like, well, I feel like I have to adjust my business, but the right thing to do is to vote for legalization. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm like, that's what he says. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That guy's going to immediately go out and vote no. | |
| Be on Dr. Phil the next day with a tie. | ||
| I want to get high, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| Right now. | ||
| No, no, I can't. | ||
| I'm on my bike, dude. | ||
| No way. | ||
| There ain't no fucking way. | ||
| Do you have a navigation system on your motorcycle? | ||
| Well, I can run it through my phone. | ||
| Your phone? | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Because I see those things on the new Harley commercials where they have a navigation screen. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| This is nuts. | ||
| But I feel like a motorcycle should be a motorcycle. | ||
| I feel like you should see fucking gauge cluster, and that's it. | ||
| That's what I got. | ||
| When I see the phone ringing and it's Bluetooth into your motorcycle, I'm like, ooh. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get that that's convenient, but it just seems weird. | ||
| Yeah, in the helmets where you have like stereo, so you just have that shit turned on like 10, and you're just blasting Zeppelin. | ||
| Oh, you seen this? | ||
| Heads-up display, that's gonna go right into your eye when you crash. | ||
| That will gouge out your brain. | ||
| Yeah, that's a stupid one. | ||
| There's a better one where it's up in here. | ||
| It's just, like, right here, and you don't see it, and you can see behind you, too. | ||
| That is a big risk, that guy's taking. | ||
| Putting that metal square inches from his eyeball. | ||
| Look at that, that's stupid. | ||
| And knowing that he's going to be crashing that bike, the great likelihood, at least once in his life. | ||
| Have you had a bad crash, Dean? | ||
| It's so funny, man. | ||
| I always talk about people like you. | ||
| There's two things I hate when you're riding. | ||
| The one guy that comes up and goes, you crashed yet? | ||
| Which, if you did, you don't want to relive it with a stranger. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, yeah, let me just tell you about how bad I crashed. | ||
| I've been trying to forget it. | ||
| And the other one is, I had one of those. | ||
| They always tell you they had some year they had and they didn't have it, you know. | ||
| Had to sell it. | ||
| You know, wife had the kids. | ||
| It's just like, those are the two things I hate. | ||
| But no, I've never crashed. | ||
| Those poor bastards. | ||
| Those poor bastards. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| Look at you out there living the dream. | ||
| I used to live the dream. | ||
| I used to be out there risking, feeding off the adrenaline, taking chances, cutting lanes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I had some friends from Canada, from Alberta, and they had never been to California before, and they didn't know that you were allowed to cut lanes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so these people were driving, they were like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| These people are maniacs! | ||
| There's so many, they're flying by them on the highway, they were freaking out, because you can't do that in Canada. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| California's the only state. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it really? | |
| Can you believe it? | ||
| Only state. | ||
| Is it really the only fucking statement? | ||
| Yeah, and they just re-passed it like two weeks ago. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| I can't believe it. | ||
| It's such a bad lock. | ||
| It's so horrible. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| Especially with people texting. | ||
| I get it for them. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| You're stuck on the 405, everybody else is dead, and you're moving. | ||
| That is awesome. | ||
| I totally get it from their point of view. | ||
| But from a safety point of view, how the fuck? | ||
| First of all, why do I have to wear a seatbelt if this dude doesn't even have a fucking shell on him? | ||
| He's on a bike. | ||
| How come I have to have a seatbelt? | ||
| This fucking guy isn't even surrounded by anything. | ||
| They just did a study for two years straight and found out splitting lanes is safer than sitting in traffic because the texters are crashing into dudes. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| They're just like texting and all of a sudden, boom, they hit the guy on the bike. | ||
| Yeah, and it's also not illegal to do it in shorts. | ||
| Oh, that's the dumbest fucking thing. | ||
| When you see people with a short-sleeved shirt on or no sleeves in shorts, you're like, how come I have to wear a seatbelt? | ||
| I'll tell you what, you want to Google man rides motorcycle with thongs, it'll fucking make you throw up. | ||
| I don't need to. | ||
| I see guys in thongs around L.A. riding scooters. | ||
| They're just hoping you talk about them. | ||
| Now you're talking about them on a podcast. | ||
| Yeah, well, look at their feet. | ||
| A lot of people are going to hear. | ||
| Look at their fucking feet. | ||
| Their feet are bad? | ||
| Google it, man. | ||
| Oh, they get broken off? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Oh, yeah, when they crash? | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you don't want to see that. | |
| That's the concrete there. | ||
| Barefoot equal concrete. | ||
| At 60. Barefoot plus concrete. | ||
| Ooh, Jesus Christ, that's a mess. | ||
| That's ugly. | ||
| You never walk right again. | ||
| It's so gross. | ||
| You hobble into the rainbow with your fucking... | ||
| I'm going into the rainbow. | ||
| Dino makes me nervous, though. | ||
| Because he drives his motorcycle to San Diego or Arizona and stuff like that. | ||
| And recently, there was that big storm. | ||
| And the whole time, you're coming back, driving through rain. | ||
| That was brutal. | ||
| How do you drive through that? | ||
| Can you even see? | ||
| You hit one puddle, wouldn't you just spin out? | ||
| Well, I'm not stupid, but I got caught. | ||
| I ride everywhere. | ||
| I have no car. | ||
| So, I've done all my spots on motorcycles. | ||
| So, I go to San Diego, and I'm doing the weekend, and it's Saturday night. | ||
| I usually leave Saturday night after the three-day weekend and ride home, but it was raining, so I go, I'll just sleep and wake up the next day. | ||
| I wake up, it looks pretty clear. | ||
| I get on the bike, and as soon as I get out of San Diego by the checkpoint there, it starts fucking pouring, man. | ||
| Like, I hadn't seen in L.A. in years. | ||
| And I'm like, well... | ||
| This is it, man. | ||
| I got a windshield, you know? | ||
| And I just go, because it's one of those things where you're broke, so you go, well, do I spend money on a Motel 6 here on the side of the highway, or just try to make it? | ||
| And I rolled, man. | ||
| How long did you say to get home? | ||
| It took me about three hours, and it was funny, right when I got to Disneyland, it totally stopped raining, and by the time I was home, I was completely dry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, because it was like sun out and, you know, there's another 40 minutes on the bike. | ||
| Oh, that's not even bad. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's not that bad. | ||
| But it seems like that drive in the rain is probably really fucking hard to see, right? | ||
| It's hard to see and it's super nerve-wracking because the trucks are spraying, big spray. | ||
| It's the trucks, the 18-wheelers that are on the 5. They're spraying big time and you're like, whoa! | ||
| Fuck so you're just trying to go like far out to the left from them it's yeah boy and the potential wiping out must be really fucking Keeping your your senses on the edge, huh? | ||
| Brutal Joe. | ||
| I'll tell you one time I had to I had to do this gig in Bakersfield Like two years in and I was like I can't cancel they won't ever book me again and I wrote up the five the grapevine I got to the top it was snowing and Oh no. | ||
| Like a light snow. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| My thumb, my right thumb was frozen to where I was like, I couldn't get it anywhere. | ||
| Like, my thumb was numb. | ||
| It was like, frozen. | ||
| You were barehanded? | ||
| No, I got gloves. | ||
| But you're going, and your hand is tucked here, so you're cool. | ||
| But the thumb was out, like this. | ||
| And I was going, fuck, my right thumb is frozen, man. | ||
| I don't feel it. | ||
| So I pulled off at a truck stop, and I was drinking hot chocolates, and I bought some kids' mittens and put them underneath my gloves. | ||
| So I put these mittens on and then my gloves. | ||
| And I get to the gig, and there's like nine people there. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Nine people at a bar gig. | ||
| And you risked your life. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| I was so mad. | ||
| And then I did 15 minutes and turned around and rode home. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Fucked. | ||
| He also told me something I didn't know about when people flick cigarettes out there, that it actually sometimes gets in the motorcycles like... | ||
| I had one go down my shirt. | ||
| I almost crashed. | ||
| These people, they flick cigarettes out all day long. | ||
| All fucking day long. | ||
| And they don't even care. | ||
| Just boom. | ||
| One went down my shirt, and I was riding going, oh, fuck! | ||
| And I couldn't get over it because I was in traffic. | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| And it's just burning me. | ||
| It's I scream at people, man. | ||
| My buddy got hit. | ||
| Two dragonflies fucking. | ||
| We're going around a turn doing like 90. They were stacked on top of each other. | ||
| We're riding like CHP style next to each other. | ||
| We go around a turn and I see him, his arm flies off his fucking handlebar. | ||
| And he's like, whoa, and the bike, I go, whoa, this guy's going down. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I thought he's having a heart attack because guys have heart attacks and strokes and shit. | ||
| I look over in my rear view mirror and I'm gone. | ||
| He's pulled over. | ||
| His face is split open. | ||
| A cut. | ||
| A cut from hitting these things at like 90. Oh my god. | ||
| And there were two dragonflies that were just like sandpaper that hit him in the face. | ||
| And he's like, dude, I almost died. | ||
| Two dragonflies, fucking. | ||
| I was like, wow! | ||
| That's why you have to have goggles. | ||
| Oh, I wear a full face. | ||
| I don't fuck around. | ||
| That's why some people don't. | ||
| They have those little skull caps on with a pair of sunglasses. | ||
| So dumb! | ||
| Hey, bro. | ||
| I'm a rebel. | ||
| Some people ride around with no helmets in other states. | ||
| Oh, you get to Arizona? | ||
| A lot of other states, yeah. | ||
| Oh, you're doing comedy in Arizona? | ||
| Everyone's riding around in shorts and shit? | ||
| How the fuck is there a seatbelt law in Arizona? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How? | ||
| Plus motorcycles. | ||
| How? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Arizona's a nutty state. | ||
| It's one of those... | ||
| It's like people don't think of it. | ||
| You think of it as white people, and you think of it as Arizona's golfers or something like that. | ||
| A lot of people think of it as, you know... | ||
| Scottsdale, Tucson, or Tempe rather, like a real nice, cute, but no, a big part of Arizona is the wild fucking West. | ||
| Guns! | ||
| Guns anywhere. | ||
| Concealed carry. | ||
| Like, I had a friend who, he has a lot of guns, and he got pulled over in Arizona, and he had to tell the cop that he has guns in the trunk, and the cop's like, wow, what are you shooting? | ||
| And he started having a fucking cool gun conversation. | ||
| Let me check real quick, make sure everything's in order. | ||
| And everything was in order. | ||
| All right, man, we'll take it easy. | ||
| Enjoy your Second Amendment rights. | ||
| They're fucking pound knuckles and go about their business. | ||
| Two gun nuts who just met on the tarmac out there. | ||
| I've seen at a restaurant, please check your gun in in Arizona. | ||
| They have like a fucking wall where you check your guns in. | ||
| Yeah, that's some Wyatt Earp type shit. | ||
| You got any guns? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I've got a few of those. | ||
| I love 9mm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the gun, man. | ||
| Nine millimeters? | ||
| Why do you like them? | ||
| I just like the shape, the sound, the bullet, everything about it, man. | ||
| And it's not too big. | ||
| It's not too small. | ||
| You know, it just fires. | ||
| Well, as far as handguns go, it's a very easy gun to shoot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have a Glock 9mm. | ||
| It's like, it shoots like, it doesn't, like, there's no, it doesn't, like, I have a rifle, a 7mm Remington Ultramag. | ||
| I have a 300 Win Mag, too, this big, kicking, fucking elephant-killing guns. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It digs into your shoulder. | ||
| There's just such a difference between a rifle and a pistol. | ||
| Pistols feel so small. | ||
| I feel like if you were hunting with a rifle, sometimes people hunt with pistols. | ||
| If you're hunting with a rifle and you hit something, that thing's dead. | ||
| But if you're hunting with a pistol and you hit something, they might survive. | ||
| You shoot an elk with a 9mm, it may run away. | ||
| One of those little hooker guns they keep in their bras. | ||
| Yeah, little.22s. | ||
| I love the Desert Eagle.50 caliber. | ||
| That's a ridiculous gun. | ||
| You ever see the footage, girls shooting the Desert Eagle? | ||
| That is so gross! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Right into her head! | ||
| There's one, too, where a girl's shooting and her tits are exploding. | ||
| As she's shooting, the recoil's like, boom! | ||
| But yeah, I've seen a girl hit herself in the head with a recoil. | ||
| There's videos that late night you'll just get on and just start fucking laughing your head off, man. | ||
| That person's rude. | ||
| Whoever gave that girl that gun didn't tell her what the fuck was going to happen. | ||
| It's this cannon in your hand. | ||
| It's a cannon. | ||
| We shot one of those. | ||
| Remember, Brian, when we filmed my comedy special down in Tempe in 2005? | ||
| We went to the Phoenix Gun Club or something like that? | ||
| Yeah, some kind of big gun club. | ||
| Yeah, we shot everything. | ||
| Machine guns, we shot Desert Eagles,.44 Magnums. | ||
| We shot these ridiculous pistols. | ||
| Boom! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They throw your hand back. | ||
| You literally can't hold it straight. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| And the fire that comes out of it is unbelievable, man. | ||
| I grew up in the Bay Area, and I just loved Dirty Harry. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I loved those films, and I just loved him just a cannon, like, you know? | ||
| Well, he represented a weird part of San Francisco that wasn't represented anywhere else in the world. | ||
| Everybody thought about San Francisco. | ||
| They thought about gay people. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| San Francisco was gay people and hippies. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And all of a sudden, wait a minute, what is this guy doing here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he was a Northern California guy. | ||
| I mean, he was mayor of Carmel. | ||
| Yeah, I know, right? | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Runs for mayor, wins. | ||
| Marries the local newscaster. | ||
| He did? | ||
| Yeah, the Asian... | ||
| That's who the mother chick was? | ||
| Yeah, they recently got divorced. | ||
| There's like all kinds of evil going on. | ||
| There's evil going on? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you know... | ||
| Poor Clint. | ||
| I know, money. | ||
| Can't catch a brink. | ||
| Just 82... | ||
| What a god. | ||
| The secret was he was gay the whole time Dirty Harry was actually gay. | ||
| Yeah, it was like he was overcompensating his gun. | ||
| His gun, his big black gun. | ||
| Yeah, that's what Dirty Harry was really all about. | ||
| It was all about him fighting against his homosexual urges. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, you feel lucky? | |
| You feel lucky? | ||
| Suck it, punk. | ||
| Go ahead, suck it. | ||
| It was a different sort of... | ||
| Because San Francisco was never thought of as being a crime-fighting town. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| You think of New York. | ||
| New York is where all the cop shows were. | ||
| You don't have a movie like that in San Francisco. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was cool. | ||
| That guy that was in the first one, he plays the sniper. | ||
| He's the dude from the Warriors. | ||
| Warriors, come out and play! | ||
| That guy, man. | ||
| That guy played a great psycho. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lawyers! | |
| I love that. | ||
| That's a tough gig for a dude to be that character actor, psycho guy. | ||
| Once you're a psycho guy, the fucking leading man roles are no longer available to you. | ||
| You're the psycho guy. | ||
| I'll take the psycho roles. | ||
| Those are great. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I've done a few movies and I'm always like, when do I get to kill a guy? | ||
| I always get killed. | ||
| You have a weird path into comedy, man. | ||
| I think that's the weirdest path I've ever heard of. | ||
| Being 44 years old and starting stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You must have been fucking running. | ||
| You must have hit the ground running. | ||
| I never stopped. | ||
| You kind of had to, because if you're going to really do this, not a lot of time for people to accept it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, if you're 53 and they're like, oh, he's been doing comedy for eight years, people go, oh, alright. | ||
| But if you're 53 and you just started, you're like, ooh, boy. | ||
| You're on your way to 60 before you're seven years in? | ||
| It's pretty wild, you know? | ||
| But I'll tell you what, it saved my life, Joe. | ||
| I was pretty... | ||
| You know, when you're 44, your friends are long gone. | ||
| Married, with kids. | ||
| Cue the music. | ||
| Piano. | ||
| Yeah, you know what I mean? | ||
| That Hulk music? | ||
| The Hulk music? | ||
| Oh, he's walking away. | ||
| Lonnie Man's theme. | ||
| It's true, though. | ||
| Yeah, I know what you mean. | ||
| And you're a holdout. | ||
| You didn't get married, no family. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you wonder about that? | |
| About family? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you wonder what it was like? | ||
| No. | ||
| I had one great girlfriend. | ||
| Lost her because of rock and roll. | ||
| And she raised the bar too high. | ||
| What was the bar? | ||
| I'm saying she was a great girlfriend. | ||
| Like seven years. | ||
| You lost her to rock and roll. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just rock. | ||
| Just rock. | ||
| She's the one that got away. | ||
| Yeah, she is the one. | ||
| Do you check in with her every now and again? | ||
| I try to. | ||
| She doesn't have anything for her. | ||
| I did Davies Symphony Hall two weeks ago in San Fran with Maren, and I was like, come down to the show. | ||
| And just nothing. | ||
| She didn't respond? | ||
| No, man, but I know she got him. | ||
| She's probably got a boyfriend. | ||
| Nah, she doesn't. | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| She never got married either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Maybe I raised her bar. | ||
| Maybe you did. | ||
| Maybe you just need to get together with her. | ||
| Maybe show up with a bow tie and a bouquet of flowers. | ||
| Joe, a bow tie! | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah, like a wacky weather guy. | ||
| You know what I like about her, though, is I did some movies and stuff, and she didn't go like, oh, you must be getting famous, I'm getting back. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| She didn't do that. | ||
| That was cool. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| You really didn't get famous. | ||
| I know, but a person that's normal. | ||
| But if you did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, if you really did, maybe then she would, you know, maybe then she would like, hmm. | ||
| Okay, one more chance. | ||
| But if you sell us out for rock and roll again, what was it about rock and roll? | ||
| It was just the hours, being on the road. | ||
| Yeah, it's just like comedy. | ||
| I could never have a girlfriend now. | ||
| I dedicate myself like 100%. | ||
| I'm out seven nights a week. | ||
| I don't miss a night. | ||
| What am I going to do? | ||
| Unless they're in the biz and then we can hang during the day. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard for people to... | ||
| The worst thing is when a guy's a talented comic and he gets a girlfriend and she doesn't like the lifestyle and then he shifts. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| I've seen it happen, too. | ||
| And then you run into those guys ten years later when them and the girl have broken up and they want to try all over again. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's ugly. | ||
| It's like, dude, you missed. | ||
| You missed the whole thing. | ||
| Like, you're not a pro now. | ||
| You want to become a pro again. | ||
| You had a chance at one point in time, but now you're fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I never wanted to hear this. | ||
| Are you going to go out again tonight? | ||
| It's like, yeah, every night. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, and it's the only... | ||
| Especially at 44, starting, you really got to commit. | ||
| You got to hit the ground running. | ||
| You can't take a few slow years and half-ass it and then kind of get back in. | ||
| No way, man. | ||
| Once I started, I was like, whoa, this is hard. | ||
| Was it scary being 44 and beginning a new chapter in your life like that, or was it exciting? | ||
| It wasn't scary as far... | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I was like, this is... | ||
| Oh, I'm back on stage. | ||
| Oh, shit, man. | ||
| I'm doing this. | ||
| But the survival mode is brutal. | ||
| You know, like, it costs a four or two. | ||
| I'm 40-49 now. | ||
| What am I going to do? | ||
| Live with nine dudes? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Hey, my rent's $300. | ||
| You could be like the older brother that gives advice to the young, crazy kids. | ||
| This is not how you do ketamine, boys. | ||
| You gotta be careful. | ||
| You can't intramuscularly shoot without having alcohol on hand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't have... | |
| You don't know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| This isn't sterile. | ||
| Yeah, you know, it's just, I just didn't think it was going to be, I was going to work this hard. | ||
| Like, you know, I was like, oh fuck, I'm working hard. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Well, what did you think? | ||
| You think it would be easy? | ||
| Did it look easy from the outside? | ||
| Like you've seen people crack jokes? | ||
| I never thought it was going to be easy, ever. | ||
| But I didn't think... | ||
| It was going to grab me like it did. | ||
| I thought, oh yeah, I'll go down and try it. | ||
| And then I started doing it and it grabbed me and it took over my life in a good way. | ||
| And I was like, wow, man. | ||
| I mean, I literally work all day every day. | ||
| I don't take a day off. | ||
| What do you mean by all day, every day? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| Well, I podcast five days a week. | ||
| Five days a week? | ||
| Well, I grab guests while I'm home and bank them. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| And then I'm always auditioning. | ||
| Then I write all day from the sets. | ||
| I listen to the sets and I take notes. | ||
| And then I go... | ||
| Right now, I'm co-hosting Tom Green's TV show. | ||
| When he's on the road, I guest host. | ||
| So there's no days off. | ||
| None. | ||
| When did you start doing this Tom Green thing? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| He's doing it still out of his house, right? | ||
| Oh, he moved it. | ||
| He got a warehouse in the valley and took all that stuff and moved it to his house. | ||
| And it's about a month old. | ||
| I've been doing it for about a month now. | ||
| And it's so great, man. | ||
| Because it's a TV show. | ||
| And so he does it on a regular basis, so you have to guest host, sort of like when Johnny Carson had guest host on Tonight Show? | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| He goes on the road, and then... | ||
| So does he have a producer or something that handles everything? | ||
| Yeah, he's got three guys, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's great, and I've had some really cool guests. | ||
| I just had Mike Beach, who's been an actor for 35 years. | ||
| He was on Sons of Anarchy for six seasons. | ||
| He played T.O., the black gang leader of Grim Bastards. | ||
| He was also on ER. I had him on. | ||
| I had Madonna's guitar player. | ||
| They just slept for tour. | ||
| Monty Pittman on. | ||
| And then I had a guy, Sean Kerrigan, from Young and the Restless. | ||
| So I have different kinds of guests, and it's cool. | ||
| And then we take Skype calls and regular calls. | ||
| It's wonderful. | ||
| When I first did Tom's show, it was like when the first time Brian and I had thought about doing something. | ||
| When he had that set up in his living room, where it was like, it was crazy. | ||
| He had his own server room with all these servers set up and these crazy fucking lines. | ||
| And we were trying to figure out, like, Brian, first of all, one of the things, Brian's like, you don't need all this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were right. | |
| You were right. | ||
| Essentially, he was like his own AOL. We were like, what is going on here? | ||
| Too much. | ||
| Yeah, and they were doing it with a company out of Denver, you remember? | ||
| And the company out of Denver wanted to do something with me, and we talked about it, but I was like, wait a minute, what exactly are you doing? | ||
| How are you doing this like this? | ||
| And that's when we started fucking around with Justin.TV, too. | ||
| And we had thought about doing some other sort of streaming version of one of these things, but... | ||
| Tom Green had gone balls out from the jump. | ||
| It was a TV show. | ||
| In his house. | ||
| In his house, man. | ||
| Took over his whole house. | ||
| His house was abandoned, essentially. | ||
| He just had a kitchen and a bedroom. | ||
| He had a giant server room. | ||
| He had these wires all throughout the middle of his house. | ||
| These fat fucking cables that were laid down everywhere. | ||
| He had to step over them. | ||
| So overkill. | ||
| He's got all that stuff. | ||
| I love Tom Green because he represents what I love. | ||
| He's like you. | ||
| He's self-made. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He doesn't wait for people to come to him. | ||
| He just does it since he's like 16. He had the show on public access in Canada. | ||
| Then he lands on MTV, then he starts doing his own show. | ||
| You know, he's like pre-jackass and shit. | ||
| Well, he's at his best, too, when he's doing his own thing. | ||
| And when I think his career experienced like a lull, it was because he was doing a bunch of other people's shit. | ||
| He was doing movies, he was doing... | ||
| And when you start doing that, you get involved with all these different producers and different network people and different executives and different people have this different idea of how your thing should go because they're investing money in it. | ||
| And they have say. | ||
| They can green light things or shut things down. | ||
| And you can't have a guy like that under that kind of constraints because you're never going to get a Tom Green. | ||
| You get the Tom Green that showed up on MTV, the Tom Green that was doing that cable access show. | ||
| He's just a maniac. | ||
| You've got to just let that guy be that maniac. | ||
| Totally. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally. | |
| He's you know, that's what he does. | ||
| And a lot of people, they wait. | ||
| They're like, I hear this a lot. | ||
| They go, yeah, I got no agent or manager. | ||
| It's like, yeah, me either. | ||
| You just fucking go do it, man. | ||
| This day and age is less important than it's ever been. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Less important than it's ever been is changing on a daily basis. | ||
| On a daily basis, you're getting more and more of these social media apps. | ||
| That's us. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were sitting in his place and we were like, this is cool. | ||
| This whole thing is pretty dope. | ||
| You could drink. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're boozing. | ||
| I remember that was cool. | ||
| Taking calls. | ||
| I was like, I love it. | ||
| He had all those pencils. | ||
| I don't know why I had so many pencils. | ||
| Check out his set now, Dean Delray. | ||
| Look at it now, man. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Is it different? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Is it the same place? | ||
| He moved. | ||
| He got a warehouse. | ||
| He moved all the stuff out of his house because he was just like, I can't have these people in my house anymore. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So check out his setup now. | ||
| It's unbelievable, Joe. | ||
| He's also been doing a lot of periscoping. | ||
| Him and Andy Dick. | ||
| I mean, Andy Dick pretty much lives on Periscope now. | ||
| It's really weird seeing them on... | ||
| Well, we ran into him the other day at the comic store, remember? | ||
| Periscoping. | ||
| We were periscoping each other. | ||
| I was periscoping him, periscoping me. | ||
| But what I meant is, is it the same set that he just moved to a warehouse? | ||
| No, look at this. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look. | ||
| So he's got... | ||
| Just fast forward a little bit. | ||
| Is that supposed to be him? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But look, man, it's a straight... | ||
| Hey, Eric Griffin. | ||
| I know that, dude. | ||
| It's a straight-up talk show inside a full warehouse. | ||
| Here's the problem with that. | ||
| It is the worst dumb fucking way to sit down when you're talking to somebody ever. | ||
| First of all, why are you above him? | ||
| You know Eric's taller than you. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| And second of all, why would you sit like that while he sits sideways like that? | ||
| That's so retarded. | ||
| Podcast is the way to talk. | ||
| This is good. | ||
| See, look at you, look at me. | ||
| See, we're right here. | ||
| They're not one person. | ||
| People got mad at me when I had this special ergonomic chair that was, like, taller. | ||
| So I got all these tweets like, dude, you're trying to psychologically have an up? | ||
| You're trying to psychologically be above your guests? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm way taller than you. | ||
| I have to be above you to look down upon you. | ||
| Letterman's a tall dude anyway. | ||
| On top of that, his desk is tall. | ||
| Yeah, he's very tall. | ||
| On top of that, his desk is taller. | ||
| That's an odd approach, but that's how everybody always did it. | ||
| It was that sideways desk, Johnny Carson style. | ||
| Desk. | ||
| What are you, writing books? | ||
| What's the desk? | ||
| Why do you have a fucking desk? | ||
| To talk to people, you need a desk? | ||
| That seems retarded. | ||
| But it's like, you know, it's... | ||
| The guy was a schoolteacher or something. | ||
| I mean, that's how we looked at it. | ||
| A fucking desk? | ||
| Everyone's so unoriginal. | ||
| People are just such copycats. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| Craig Ferguson. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| Jimmy Kimmel. | ||
| Everybody just copies the original Johnny Carson setup. | ||
| Which is one of the worst formats ever for communicating with people. | ||
| The only thing it does is establish that one person is in control of the situation. | ||
| The guy behind the desk. | ||
| That's the captain. | ||
| And so you go, well, I'll be right back. | ||
| You know, he could be right back quicker. | ||
| Then if there's like all a bunch of dudes sitting around, circled with the chairs, the same height and in the same style, then it'd be a little weirder. | ||
| Like, why is Dean the head? | ||
| Why doesn't Tom Green get to decide when they go? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's why I think Joan Rivers had it best. | ||
| She had it in bed, which is the most comfortable. | ||
| You're just gazing at each other's eyes, maybe touch some feet. | ||
| I'm mad that I didn't get a chance to do that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm mad that I really didn't get a chance to meet her either. | ||
| What a bummer. | ||
| I was booked on that. | ||
| I was booked on that and something happened. | ||
| We canceled or someone canceled. | ||
| I don't remember the exact details, but she was an all-time great. | ||
| Oh, God, man. | ||
| All-time great. | ||
| Ballsy to the end. | ||
| I mean, just that, what she had to put up with when she decided to do her own show after Carson, and he just bans her, she could have easily just been buried, you know? | ||
| Carson was a douchebag. | ||
| Oh, you watched the documentary? | ||
| He was a big dick. | ||
| He had a big dick? | ||
| No, that and he was a big dick. | ||
| That too, both, right? | ||
| These things were different then, man. | ||
| You can't be that guy today. | ||
| Nobody would allow it. | ||
| It would get out that you're that kind of a cunt. | ||
| Shitty to people. | ||
| But it's also back then, you know, we talked about this like with Howard Stern and radio guys. | ||
| It's like back then they were all fighting over a time slot. | ||
| And that's kind of stupid now. | ||
| Yeah, time slots are gone now. | ||
| It's people, whenever they're working and listening or working out or commuting or whatever. | ||
| Well, because of DVRs and also with these... | ||
| One of the things that Letterman kind of... | ||
| One of the reasons why he decided to step back was... | ||
| What shows had become mostly is like the show would get a certain amount of views, but what really would get a lot of views would be the clips from the show that would go online. | ||
| And then people would be able to access those whenever they wanted. | ||
| And that became a big thing. | ||
| And he was missing that. | ||
| He was like, we're just not doing that. | ||
| Like Jimmy Fallon is doing that. | ||
| Kimmel's doing that. | ||
| We're not doing that anymore. | ||
| And he just realized that the whole genre was kind of passing his style by. | ||
| Yeah, like Maren was on last week and they made the clip that Maren stops masturbating because of drought, because he masturbates in the shower. | ||
| And it was a huge clip on YouTube. | ||
| You're instantly going to watch it, you know, because they break it down into the meat of the interviews, the funny jokes. | ||
| You can watch the show kind of in like 15 minutes. | ||
| Yeah, like that Louis C.K. thing. | ||
| Everything is great and no one's happy. | ||
| You know the thing about technology? | ||
| Oh, I love that. | ||
| That was on Conan, and that became like this huge viral sensation, which was way bigger a hit than the actual episode itself, which, you know... | ||
| Not that many people watch Conan anymore. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty low, right? | ||
| It's very low in comparison to like what the Johnny Carson show used to be at one point in time. | ||
| There's no show like that where everybody watches The Tonight Show. | ||
| 30 million a night, Carson, and then I guess when he signed off, 60 million on the night he signed off. | ||
| When you got on The Tonight Show back then, they made a star out of you. | ||
| There's no show like that anymore that makes someone a star. | ||
| But if you became a regular on The Tonight Show and you would sit on the couch next to Johnny, you were in, man. | ||
| You made it. | ||
| You were royalty. | ||
| You were adorned. | ||
| You were knighted. | ||
| Stephen Wright. | ||
| I mean, it changed his world. | ||
| Was that Letterman or was that Carson? | ||
| That's Carson. | ||
| Then he was asked back the next day. | ||
| He goes, well, you come back tomorrow, and he came back and did another set the next day or whatever. | ||
| But I say this to people all the time. | ||
| It's bigger to do Rogan podcast or Marin or, say, the top five than it is to do a Tonight Show set. | ||
| Now it is. | ||
| Yeah, because I go all over and people go, man, I heard you on such and such. | ||
| And it's amazing. | ||
| And because people find those podcasts at different times. | ||
| If you're on TV, it goes by and if they didn't see it, they didn't see it. | ||
| But every day somebody finds an episode I was on. | ||
| Say this, a year from now, they're like, I just heard you on Rogan, man! | ||
| And they discovered on their own time frame. | ||
| Well, we have it set up with the most access possible, too. | ||
| I don't have a subscription-based. | ||
| Some guys, like, you can get the first episodes. | ||
| Like, Marin has that, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The backlog. | ||
| First 50 are free or whatever, and then you buy the backlogs. | ||
| But I feel like you fuck yourself when you do that. | ||
| I feel like what the real connection is is the fact that it's all free. | ||
| That's the easiest you can get it, whether it's through Stitcher or through YouTube or through Ustream or Vimeo or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| You just got to be able to get it as easily as possible. | ||
| And then if people like it, it just spreads. | ||
| You know, so the growth we're experiencing because of just word of mouth. | ||
| We're up 2 million downloads from last month. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 2 million in a month. | ||
| It's madness. | ||
| It's like an exponential fucking tsunami of madness. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I call it the... | ||
| It's like Metallica. | ||
| It's the old school grassroots. | ||
| Metallica had a cassette tape. | ||
| Like 40 people got them. | ||
| Lars sent them to guys. | ||
| I love Metallica. | ||
| Send me a tape. | ||
| They copied those tapes. | ||
| They sent them to their buddies. | ||
| Their buddies copied those tapes. | ||
| They sent them to their buddies. | ||
| In a matter of five years, there's probably 200,000 of those cassettes out. | ||
| Grassroots. | ||
| Tell me it's not ironic that Lars Ulrich was the guy who was trying to take down Napster after all that. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Word of mouth and the ability to spread your shit is what made them in the first place. | ||
| And then he's like, hey man, we want that money. | ||
| What are you doing with that money, Napster? | ||
| Should have used Trey Parker and Matt Stone instead. | ||
| They made a VHS tape as a little Christmas gift. | ||
| It was like a 10-minute thing, and then that spread through Hollywood over at night. | ||
| Dude, I saw it. | ||
| I saw it back then before the show was on. | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| That was the Brian Boitano one. | ||
| Oh my God, it was goddamn genius. | ||
| What would Brian Boitano do? | ||
| All I'm saying is metal people, the way they spread stuff, are like podcasts. | ||
| Comedy podcast people are. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| They're like, man, did you hear this show? | ||
| I think one of the best things about comedy podcasts is unlike what happened with Johnny Carson and Joan Rivers, podcasters all support other podcasters. | ||
| It seems to be across the board. | ||
| I haven't seen any beef where podcasters saying, hey, if you do Adam Carolla's show, you can't do my show. | ||
| No one does that. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| That was the model. | ||
| That was the model. | ||
| They all did it. | ||
| They all did that. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| They all fucked each other because of that. | ||
| And because they were fighting over these time slots, and everyone had this famine theory going on, where if you weren't number one, you were below number one. | ||
| And you were losing if you were in second place. | ||
| You made less money, and everyone's panicking. | ||
| So they had these politics that were playing back and forth like that. | ||
| Remember that movie that they did? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was great. | |
| Jay Leno and David Letterman and the late night wars. | ||
| Doesn't NBC do that right now with like Fallon or somebody like that? | ||
| If you do Fallon, you can't do Kimmel or something? | ||
| Yeah, they probably have laws like that. | ||
| You know, they probably, I mean, some people could probably do whatever the fuck they want, but they probably have laws like that. | ||
| Unwritten rules like that. | ||
| Yeah, like if you're DeNiro, you go, I do them all. | ||
| And they go, that's fine. | ||
| We just want DeNiro. | ||
| It's a stupid model. | ||
| You have to be tuned in by 11 o'clock. | ||
| That's when it starts. | ||
| And it ends at 1.30. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Just show it all the time. | ||
| Have it available whenever anybody wants to watch it. | ||
| Then it'll be better. | ||
| It's like this model of tuning in for something and waiting for it. | ||
| That's why I love Netflix. | ||
| Netflix takes a season, and they go, Season 3 of Orange is the New Black is out. | ||
| Good luck! | ||
| And then you get all the fucking episodes. | ||
| The whole season is out in one fell swoop. | ||
| Yeah, binge watch, which I love to do in a hotel somewhere on the road. | ||
| Oh, it's the best. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you get a hold of a fucking series and you find out about it, and you find out about it like after five seasons already done, I didn't find out about Game of Thrones until I think the second season. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So I watched the whole first season, and then deep, and when I caught up, I was sad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I know, right? | ||
| Because it's a week to week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was me with Breaking Bad. | ||
| Three seasons straight. | ||
| I got the flu. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What a brutal show to watch with the flu. | |
| It's all dark. | ||
| You're feeling shitty. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I watched all three, and then I was like, wait, now I gotta wait? | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, I think that that's the future. | ||
| We're gonna laugh one day thinking about the idea of tuning in to a special time to watch a show. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Like a world premiere, 8 p.m., you're sitting there with your popcorn. | ||
| You've had it for hours! | ||
| Play it! | ||
| Upload it, you fuck! | ||
| Upload it so I can get it whenever. | ||
| On demand is the future, 100%. | ||
| Oh yeah, I love it. | ||
| Everything else is stupid. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| The idea of tuning in, I guess maybe new shows, with that exception. | ||
| Because at the end of the day, you do want to find out what the fuck is going on in the world. | ||
| But even those shows, man, they're getting trounced by, like, the Young Turks and all these, like, online shows that can do whatever they want. | ||
| Well, Twitter, as far as scoops. | ||
| Yeah, hell yeah. | ||
| You find out who's dead. | ||
| Twitter's my news. | ||
| Immediately. | ||
| Instantly. | ||
| Yeah, RIP. Someone will tag you. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, and just to think, when Periscope does catch on more, it's going to be news, Twitter, but video. | ||
| So, like, if something's happening in Washington, we could just turn to that exact street and go, there's four people on Periscope right there. | ||
| We got four different camera views in that street right now. | ||
| And that's what it's going to be like. | ||
| Well, Ustream did a lot of that during the Ferguson riots. | ||
| There's a lot of streaming services that do that during Baltimore. | ||
| All that kind of stuff is the future. | ||
| Oh, God, yeah. | ||
| Periscope, I mean, that is definitely the future, man. | ||
| I was watching somebody last night for an hour. | ||
| I had no idea who they were. | ||
| They were just this miscellaneous person in Germany, just watching them hang out. | ||
| How about those Twitch things that we were watching, the Twitch channel, which is all these people playing video games, and then you look at it down and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. | ||
| That guy's got 10,000 people watching him play a video game? | ||
| Isn't that fucking crazy? | ||
| It's an arena-filled I mean, think about if you were performing in front of 10,000 people, you'd be like, holy fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You reached 10,000 people with your words? | ||
| That's crazy, right? | ||
| This guy's playing a video game in his underwear. | ||
| Did you read that article, Joe, which has really hit me big time as a comedian, if you have 1,000 true fans, you can survive as an artist? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What are you showing me? | ||
| I was just showing that the other day on Periscope had 10,000 live viewers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You did? | |
| You had 10,000 people watching live? | ||
| Yeah, on Periscope. | ||
| Live at the same time? | ||
| I don't know if it's all at the same time, but it was 10,000 different people watching. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| And I was just fucking with people on, like, web. | ||
| Wow, that's amazing. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I'm sorry, what are you saying? | ||
| If you have a thousand true fans, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, there's an article a guy wrote. | ||
| I read it online about two weeks ago, and he said that if you, as an artist, have 1,000 true fans, you could survive doing art, whatever form of art you do, forever. | ||
| Because he said the 1,000 people, would you think, oh, that sounds pretty easy. | ||
| I'm trying to get 100 right now. | ||
| 1,000 true fans. | ||
| This is an incredible article if you read this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who wrote this? | |
| Doesn't matter. | ||
| We'll get to the end of it. | ||
| The long... | ||
| The long tail is a famously good... | ||
| What? | ||
| Okay, just stop. | ||
| I'm reading. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You're scrolling. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| The long tail is famously good news for two classes of people, a few lucky aggregators, such as Amazon and Netflix, and six billion consumers. | ||
| Of those two, I think it's... | ||
| Okay, this is a... | ||
| What he said, though, basically, is if you have 1,000 fans that each spend about $100 a year on you, meaning they bought a DVD, you know, or they bought a ticket, a couple tickets, or they watched your special, 100 a year, you got about 100,000 after everything, maybe 50, 60, you could survive awesome on that every year. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| The problem I have is the term true fan. | ||
| Right, I gotcha. | ||
| I don't even like saying fans. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| People who like you. | ||
| I say friends. | ||
| Soldiers. | ||
| I always say friends. | ||
| Cult members. | ||
| Yeah, cult members. | ||
| I call them my friends because if they're into the stuff I'm into, We would be friends. | ||
| Yeah, if you're doing good shit and people like your good shit and they keep supporting it and you have a commitment with them, it's kind of cool because it's like you have customers. | ||
| It's like say if you were like a guy who made great shoes or something like that, handmade shoes. | ||
| You got a bunch of customers that swear by the Dean Del Rey shoe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and they buy them whenever they can and it's like if you're doing good work and they appreciate good work, If you really can nail it and just lock in. | ||
| That's a comic. | ||
| It's hard, right? | ||
| It makes you feel good, though. | ||
| They like my podcast. | ||
| They get emails at night, man, and they're like, dude, this stuff you're talking about with music, no one likes it like me, I feel. | ||
| I can relate, man. | ||
| It feels good. | ||
| Let There Be Talk is your podcast. | ||
| Is it mostly about rock and roll or is it about all kinds of shit? | ||
| It's all kinds of shit, but I really, I have a lot of rock and rollers on and people that I loved in life that have, you know, that influenced me, you know? | ||
| I try to seek them out. | ||
| Maybe a guy that built choppers, you know? | ||
| Or a guy who's an amazing motor builder. | ||
| And then a comedian that blows my mind. | ||
| Then a rocker. | ||
| The cool thing about what you're doing is you don't have to talk to anybody about what you do. | ||
| You don't have to sit down with some guy and go, Dean, I think we're in the wrong direction with this. | ||
| What we want to do is, first of all, we want to dye your mustache. | ||
| The gray in your mustache. | ||
| The young kids today, they can't relate. | ||
| The tattoos are great, but maybe a lip ring or something. | ||
| Yeah, they're trying to, like, get you hip, you know? | ||
| Yeah, maybe a teardrop tattoo. | ||
| Just a little one in the corner of your cheek. | ||
| I look at dudes like you and Maren, and those are the dudes, and Burr, and I just, those are the guys, you know? | ||
| If you like something, you know, you figure it out. | ||
| Like, these guys are doing it, man. | ||
| You know, they're doing it. | ||
| And you figure out, like, what is my niche? | ||
| I love music. | ||
| Let's talk about rock. | ||
| But I love comedy, too, so we got guys on, you know? | ||
| Being yourself. | ||
| Being yourself. | ||
| That's the cool thing about podcasts. | ||
| You can really truly be yourself. | ||
| Because, you know, you just have a microphone and a camera. | ||
| You don't even have a camera. | ||
| It's just audio, right? | ||
| Audio, yeah. | ||
| That's just... | ||
| There's never been a time where you could do that. | ||
| There's never been a time where you could have your own fucking radio show that's available instantly. | ||
| If I drive home right now, I can go into iTunes, I go into the podcast app, rather, on my iPhone, and I just write Dean Del Rey, and it'll show me, let there be talk, boom, and I'll just start streaming it. | ||
| I'll put my foot down, I mean, put my seat, my phone down on the seat at a red light. | ||
| During that red light, I picked up your podcast and I'm listening to it now. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Or I could say it. | ||
| I mean, you say Dean Del Rey, and they'll put it up in the search. | ||
| It's amazing how accurate that thing is. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's a weird time to be alive with all this shit. | ||
| I was lucky, too, that I figured out how to do it on my own. | ||
| I was looking at Brian. | ||
| I went on the road with Brian last year, and this fucking guy works his ass off. | ||
| We're out on the road. | ||
| How dare you lie to America. | ||
| Everyone knows him way more than you do. | ||
| When we were out on the road, he was working his ass off. | ||
| He had the shows booked, he had the hotels booked, he had the rental car, he had the flights, and we were cruising around, and I was like, this is a self-made machine here, the desk quad. | ||
| You have to figure out a way to do your own thing in this day and age, because if you do bring other people in, especially in the beginning, you're going to have to give them a cut of almost nothing. | ||
| So as you're hustling and you're trying to put together these shows, if you're giving a manager 15% of that and an agent 10%, 25% is gone, then you have to pay taxes. | ||
| You know what sucks is when you're on the road with somebody that does have a manager and then they still get your 10%? | ||
| I don't want to say who, but I got checks because I was on the road and their manager took 10% out of my cut. | ||
| I'm like, wait, that's not right. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. | |
| You got robbed. | ||
| You don't have a contract with someone and they took 10% out of your check? | ||
| Who the fuck is this? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who the fuck did that? | |
| Somebody robbed you. | ||
| I know, so it's weird, but it's cool. | ||
| Did they tell you that it's going to... | ||
| They tell you we're going to get a certain amount and then they took 10% of that amount? | ||
| Brian opened up a can there. | ||
| Dude, someone's robbing people. | ||
| I know, that's right. | ||
| But what's cool is working with Dean is because Dean doesn't have a manager. | ||
| Let's have a fake name. | ||
| Let's use a fake name. | ||
| Rhymes with... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck, man. | |
| That's gross. | ||
| That's someone stealing money. | ||
| That's fucking wrong. | ||
| Well, you know, it's just weird that managers even do that. | ||
| He's not managing you. | ||
| See, if he's not managing you, like a manager... | ||
| Here's a deal. | ||
| And you got the person to gig! | ||
| Where's your cut as the agent? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Here's the deal though. | ||
| This is what I'm saying. | ||
| As a manager, a manager is a long-term commitment. | ||
| I've had the same manager since I was an open-miker and most comedians try to keep a manager for a long time and the agent is someone who works with you guys but is not as close as the manager. | ||
| The manager is supposed to be the person that's like looking over your career in an advisory position and like no one's advising you. | ||
| That guy's not advising Go on Periscope now. | ||
| I really think it'll help. | ||
| He's not advising you at all. | ||
| So he's taking 10% for what reason? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because he's stolen. | |
| Booking the gig, I guess. | ||
| You've got to get that money back, dude. | ||
| We're going to find that money. | ||
| We're going to get it back one way or another. | ||
| We're going to book a gig with this guy, and then we're going to steal that money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it. | |
| Jacob Dylan loves you, man. | ||
| I wanted to tell you that. | ||
| He still remembers the time his kids got to go down to the set. | ||
| A Fear Factor? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I never forgot. | ||
| He's like, man, it was so great. | ||
| My kids just lost their minds. | ||
| They love the show. | ||
| They're in there. | ||
| The guy's eating eyeballs, you know, five feet away. | ||
| He loved it, man. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| He is a great guy. | ||
| He's a really, really fucking talented singer, too. | ||
| One of my best friends. | ||
| Is he really? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I always wondered why they didn't take off. | ||
| What was that song? | ||
| One headlight. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Yeah, well, they sold 26 million records. | ||
| I know, but how come he didn't keep making jams like that? | ||
| Like, what happened? | ||
| Well, when you have a record that fucking big, it was huge. | ||
| That is hard to come, you know, people... | ||
| Dude, you're wearing an ACDC hat, so shut your mouth. | ||
| They did that shit for decades. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| Yeah, I'm just saying, it is hard, though. | ||
| Like, some people... | ||
| You know, here's a perfect example. | ||
| Dirty deeds. | ||
| Dirty cheap. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that, right? | |
| If you're having a problem with the high school head, he's giving you the news. | ||
| I love that, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to graduate, but not this way. | |
| Here's what you gotta do. | ||
| Dude, you got that rock and roll voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I love it. | |
| Hey, you see my band, Scott? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| I forgot about that! | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Stand up with those so that they can see on the camera. | ||
| Wow, who did that, man? | ||
| Oh, this guy. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, look at that. | |
| That's badass. | ||
| A guy named Nico Hurtado. | ||
| Oh, I know Nico Hurtado. | ||
| He's fucking unbelievable. | ||
| He's a California guy, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He worked on Cat Von D on that TV show a couple years, but he has his own place out in Grass Valley, and this guy is next level for portraits. | ||
| He's super talented for everything. | ||
| For everything. | ||
| He's super fucking talented. | ||
| So good, man. | ||
| I went out there 16 hours, that thing. | ||
| Eight and eight. | ||
| That took 16 hours? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this rib cage is the worst place ever to get a tattoo. | ||
| I remember he started, I went, hey, you might want to move to another spot for a few minutes. | ||
| That's kind of tender. | ||
| And he's like, yeah, the whole thing's going to be like that. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| We're only ten minutes in. | ||
| And you're ready to quit? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just make it a bumblebee. | |
| And I'm covered. | ||
| How much harder is it than your arms? | ||
| It's like, I can't describe it. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| It's so bad that I didn't get Angus on the other side, which was the original plan. | ||
| I'll probably do it, though. | ||
| If you do it, we should film it in Periscope. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Actually, we should have him do it here in the studio. | ||
| Well, Joey Diaz is getting sponsors on Periscope now. | ||
| They're contacting him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Because he does the morning joint. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| He gets up in the morning, he lights up a joint, and he starts dropping science and motivation on your gay dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right, you cogsuggers. | |
| And so for, you know, whatever minutes when he gets up and smokes his first joint of the day, he brings people on this ride with him and they call it the morning joint. | ||
| So he's going to get, you could get a sponsor for your tattoo. | ||
| That'd be great, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They might even pay for the tattoo. | ||
| Man. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| I really want to get the other side done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| And I want to get the Comedy Store logo, too. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| That's dangerous. | ||
| Yeah, because they need a new logo, I think. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's just a big deal to me, though. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| My name's on the wall, and it was the biggest thing that ever happened to me. | ||
| And I played music and toured with everybody and done all kinds of shit, but that was next-level stuff. | ||
| It's great until you look at some other people that are on the wall. | ||
| Towing company. | ||
| Hold on a fucking second here. | ||
| The spaghetti boys, what is that? | ||
| A few fucks on that wall that really takes some black paint to. | ||
| I sat there the other day and just Googled half the names on the front patio because I was like, what's a Zcat? | ||
| I was like, what is Zcat? | ||
| And half of them I don't even think are real. | ||
| I think literally people came in there and just drew. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's a few, like a towing truck company is on there. | ||
| I'm like, how is a towing truck company? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There is? | ||
| I'll show it to you. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's a big deal to me, though. | ||
| It's just like, from the ground up, I was 44, I just stumbled onto that patio like, hey, I'm here to do comedy! | ||
| And they're like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I had Fitzsimmons on yesterday, and we were talking about that book, about the Comedy Store. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The... | |
| Comedy... | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| I have it. | ||
| It's a standing... | ||
| Or what is it? | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's a great book, man. | ||
| I can't believe no one's made that movie. | ||
| But what he was basically saying was that at those days... | ||
| What? | ||
| I'm dying up here. | ||
| I'm dying up here. | ||
| He was saying that the description of what the store was in the 70s is exactly like it was today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like comics hanging out in the back patio, people going on stage there. | ||
| It's amazing that place kept that freaky vibe. | ||
| I did a dollar show last night, the doorman show in the belly room last night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| That's such a good idea for a show, too. | ||
| You don't understand how happy it makes all the door guys and stuff that work there, because they pretty much used to have two nights of open mic, and then they took it away. | ||
| And so now this is way better for the people that work there, because that was the only reason why these guys work there, which is just to get spots. | ||
| So the doorman went up, Jeff Ross did some time, and I closed it out. | ||
| I did a half an hour and closed it out. | ||
| It was all sold out. | ||
| It was only a buck. | ||
| It's so cool, right? | ||
| In that room, it says capacity 57 and fire marshal. | ||
| I think they might be a little bit over. | ||
| I don't know what they actually get in there, but it's probably about 90. Florentine and I are doing a show there next week. | ||
| Will you do it with us? | ||
| If I'm around. | ||
| Florentine's doing my podcast next week. | ||
| Yeah, so it's like June 17th. | ||
| We're doing a Wednesday night live podcast and comedy show in there. | ||
| If we had you, it'd be the three of us. | ||
| It'd be insane. | ||
| And Red Band's on. | ||
| Yeah, Florentine's on the 15th. | ||
| So you're doing it on the 17th? | ||
|
unidentified
|
17th. | |
| And what are you doing? | ||
| 10 o'clock belly room. | ||
| In the belly room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If I can, I definitely will. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That'd be great. | |
| I'd love it, man. | ||
| Yeah, that should be... | ||
| That'd be so fun. | ||
| That's a new material show. | ||
| The new material show is earlier. | ||
| Yeah, and then we're right after it. | ||
| Yeah, okay, I'll do it. | ||
| I'll thank you, dude. | ||
| Because I'm there then, definitely. | ||
| Oh, it's going to be so great! | ||
| It's on, my Tunky Kung. | ||
| That room is just so amazing. | ||
| It's magic, right? | ||
| It's the best room. | ||
| I started in there, man. | ||
| It's the best room in the country. | ||
| I just, you know, Dice did a special in there. | ||
| He did that first record in there, right? | ||
| In the OR? That's what I heard, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Uh, it's the very first one. | ||
| The one that just says Dice? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He did that in the belly room? | ||
| Let's look it up real quick. | ||
| Let's look it up. | ||
| I'm looking it up right now. | ||
| Is that a Dean Del Rey voice? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They all tried doing it. | |
| Dude, what was the story that you told on Dom Herrera's podcast about Joe Walsh? | ||
| Joe Walsh, yes. | ||
| Unbelievable story. | ||
| Joe Walsh is, first of all, an absolute king. | ||
| Let me tell you, he's one of the nicest guys I've ever opened for. | ||
| He's so cool. | ||
| You'd think he'd be Joe Walsh. | ||
| Like, hey, I'm in the Eagles. | ||
| Who the fuck are those? | ||
| It wasn't like that at all. | ||
| But we were eating a deli tray, and he comes into the dressing room, and he says, Don't eat that shit. | ||
| And we're like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| And he goes, you don't know what's in there, man. | ||
| It's just a shitty deli tray. | ||
| Don't eat it. | ||
| He's all, I got sick before. | ||
| And I was like, oh, really? | ||
| And he goes, yeah, let me tell you. | ||
| He goes, after... | ||
| He was out of the Eagles. | ||
| He had a real low spot where he is partying hard and canceling gigs all the time. | ||
| So he cleaned up, and the manager said, we're book a tour, but if you cancel one show, all the shows will be gone. | ||
| So the first night of the tour, he's backstage eating on the deli tray after soundcheck, and about a couple hours later, he gets mad food poisoning. | ||
| And he starts just shitting. | ||
| And shitting. | ||
| And he's like, what am I, I gotta cancel. | ||
| And the manager goes, you cancel this gig, the entire tour's gone. | ||
| So they go to Kmart, or whatever was open, and they get the rubber fishing waders. | ||
| He puts them on, the ones that go up to your tits, the river runs through it fly fishing. | ||
| He gets on stage and just starts going at it while he's shitting. | ||
| Like every couple, like every few minutes, just, oh! | ||
| You're taking my time! | ||
| I'm losing my mind. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And he's shitting into rubber waiters. | ||
| Into rubber waiters. | ||
| Then he said, mid-show, he didn't expect this, but the heat from the lamp started burning the diarrhea acids on his legs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it was like, argh! | |
| And no one looked at Joe Walsh for wearing those, because he wore weird shit all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So they're like, man, this is a wacky show tonight. | |
| I say shit. | ||
| He's shitting himself with weirs on. | ||
| Good for him, though. | ||
| First minute I met him, that's the story he told me. | ||
| And I hope it's true. | ||
| It's so great, man. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| What a great story. | ||
| I love the Eagles, man. | ||
| No, the Eagles are... | ||
| Rocky Mountain High is one of my favorite songs ever. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I love that song. | ||
| I love the one that he did, Shoes, bum bum, bum bum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What you gonna do tonight, then mama? | |
| You know, he wrote that one on Long Run. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Life's Been Good to Me So Far. | ||
| Oh, great one. | ||
| Great fucking song. | ||
| Oh, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. | ||
| And it's also one of those songs about a guy talking about, like, you know what? | ||
| I'm just gonna keep doing this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm living a retarded rock and roll life. | ||
| I got arrested. | ||
| I'm doing stupid shit. | ||
| But life's been good to me so far. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That should be my theme song, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| He's in the fucking Eagles, you know? | ||
| All the legendary bands. | ||
| And that was the one that was featured in the Big Lebowski. | ||
| Remember when the dude ate? | ||
| Oh, man, the fucking Eagles! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He hated the Eagles. | ||
| I remember being offended, going, how could you hate the Eagles? | ||
| Hotel California? | ||
| The fuck do you hate Hotel California? | ||
| God, that record is so good, man. | ||
| So much good shit on that. | ||
| All their shit. | ||
| Victim of Love. | ||
| You saw the Eagles documentary, right? | ||
| Victim of Love is fucking bananas. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| That's a serious fucking song. | ||
| Desperado. | ||
| Right? | ||
| This shit is great. | ||
| Those guys are legends, man. | ||
| Just handfuls of songs. | ||
| Yeah, they had some great writing, too. | ||
| Hotel California is like one of the all-time great songs. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| That and Life in the Fast Lane, man. | ||
| Those two, man. | ||
| They had some amazing, amazing fucking songs. | ||
| What happened with those guys? | ||
| They didn't get along, they broke up, and they got back together again when they realized how much money was involved? | ||
| Yeah, I remember they did the Hell, they said, we'll get back together when Hell freezes over, and then in 96, I think it was, it was called the Hell freezes over tour. | ||
| I was glad, because I never got to see them, and they opened, I saw them at the shoreline in the Bay Area, and they opened with Hotel California. | ||
| I go, can you even fuck, are you opening with Hotel California, man? | ||
| You know you're in for a great concert. | ||
| You Lying Eyes. | ||
| That's a great fucking song. | ||
| Great one, man. | ||
| Great one. | ||
| I really like the Long Run record. | ||
| A lot of people don't like it. | ||
| It's the last one before they broke up. | ||
| It's just pure cocaine, but man, it had some good songs on it. | ||
| I'm Already Gone. | ||
| Yeah, Already Gone, man. | ||
| Already Gone is a great fucking song. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had some jams. | ||
| They did, man. | ||
| Those are some driving songs, too. | ||
| You know, like if you're in your car and those come on, you go, fuck yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I love that, those guys. | ||
| They had three voices. | ||
| That's what's a great band. | ||
| You got, you know, Glenn Frey. | ||
| Who had a cool hit on Miami Vice. | ||
| Remember Smuggler's Blues? | ||
| That's a great one. | ||
| Then you have Joe Walsh sings, and then you have Don Henley sings. | ||
| And then even the bass player sings that one. | ||
| I can't tell you why. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a great song. | |
| Yeah, that guy's great, man. | ||
| That's a great song. | ||
| That's a great song. | ||
| Wow, that's right. | ||
| That's Eagles, too. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| So many hits. | ||
| That era, man. | ||
| There's so much good music out of that era. | ||
| It's weird how music comes in big waves like that. | ||
| I guess comedy does too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right now it's a huge wave. | ||
| This is probably the biggest wave I've ever seen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Comedy-wise, I think this is the biggest wave I've ever seen. | ||
| We were talking about that the other night at the store. | ||
| We were like, this is the golden era of comedy. | ||
| And everybody agreed. | ||
| Sarah Silverman was onstage killing. | ||
| I was hanging out with Burr. | ||
| We were in the backstage. | ||
| We were talking about comedy today. | ||
| And Burr just got back from like 18 sold-out shows. | ||
| Yeah, I was in there with you. | ||
| That show it was crazy amazing, but we were talking about it We're like is this has there ever been a better time for stand-up than right now? | ||
| And we were all like just not there's no better I don't think there's ever been a better time with like more like big-name Headliners and more young guys coming up like the store I've been around the store I took a seven-year break, but I started there in 94. I never saw a crop of hungry, dedicated new guys like now. | ||
| There was always a few guys that were okay, and I would find those guys and try to help them. | ||
| I would grab them. | ||
| I'm like, look, you could stay alive, but you've got to keep moving. | ||
| But now, it's like they have their own ecosystem. | ||
| It's a totally different thing. | ||
| There's way more power. | ||
| Having that roast battle and all these different bonding shows. | ||
| They have these bonding shows. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Creating a complete environment of art, man. | ||
| It's like there's no one around going, sorry man, you look like this or that, or you're too old or you're too young. | ||
| It's like, hey, we're all here. | ||
| And we're creating this. | ||
| But those people that say that, they're always the problem. | ||
| Yeah, they are. | ||
| There's people that you're too young, you're too old, you're too this, you're too that, you're too tall, you're too short. | ||
| Those people are always wrong. | ||
| They're always wrong. | ||
| Because guys like Joey Diaz just exist. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And you can't ever script that. | ||
| You can't hope for that to walk through your door. | ||
| You can't turn a guy into that. | ||
| That is what it is. | ||
| And he's the funniest guy. | ||
| If this is the funniest time for comedy, I think it is, I think Joey Diaz is the funniest guy that's ever lived. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I don't think there's ever been any funnier. | ||
| I've seen Kinnison live. | ||
| I've seen Hicks live. | ||
| When I saw Pryor live, it was already really late in his life. | ||
| But no one has ever crushed in front of me like Joey Diaz has. | ||
| The other night, he did the Comedy Story, did the OR, and I had a post about it on Instagram. | ||
| I was like, he just broke the world. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| People were falling out of their chairs. | ||
| They were screaming. | ||
| People were screaming, laughing, screaming. | ||
| And the great thing, though, is that he has a guy like you who shouts it out. | ||
| That's not like, well, this is my world. | ||
| You know, like the old world where people would be like, this is all me, and I'm not letting anybody else in. | ||
| Yeah, well, there's always a group of people back then where they had to be, everybody had to be the best. | ||
| There was like one guy who had to be the guy, whether it was Dice, whether it was Kinison, there was always one guy that was the best, and he thought of as the best. | ||
| And then he would have guys around him, but those guys always sucked. | ||
| They just weren't that good. | ||
| Somebody called them satellite comics. | ||
| They weren't that good, but like... | ||
| Diaz is the funniest guy alive. | ||
| He's the funniest guy ever. | ||
| He's the guy I take with me on the road. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Whenever I can, whenever he's not busy, but now it sucks because everybody knows I can't take him with me anywhere. | ||
| He's always busy. | ||
| He sells out everything. | ||
| He's just crushed Denver. | ||
| Just came in like a fucking tornado. | ||
| He hadn't been there. | ||
| He'd been banned from that club forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| I'm headlining there at the end of the month. | ||
| That place is amazing. | ||
| First time ever. | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| That's where I filmed my last comedy special. | ||
| I know, man. | ||
| My Comedy Central special. | ||
| I knew that when I went in there. | ||
| I was like, this is the one where you did your special. | ||
| Rocky Mountain High, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then I go in there, and after the first joke I drop, in my head I go, oh, I get it. | ||
| The way that fucking rock cave hits and the people are on the stage. | ||
| That place is alive. | ||
| It's electric. | ||
| It's a crazy little club. | ||
| Crazy, crazy, crazy little club. | ||
| But it's just... | ||
| This time, man, is just really unprecedented. | ||
| All these comedians are supporting each other, too. | ||
| It's not like that whole backstabby Johnny Carson type thing we were talking about before. | ||
| It used to be like that with comedy, too. | ||
| But it's not like that anymore. | ||
| There's a great group of people supporting each other now. | ||
| I got lucky I didn't come in in the 90s. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You've been fine. | ||
| A lot of people already came in the 90s. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm just saying it was like there wasn't much of a scene, you know? | ||
| It was after that 80s gold rush. | ||
| Well, that's when I came in. | ||
| I came in in 94. That's when I arrived at the store. | ||
| It was the worst time ever. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The time when I came in, when I first got there, it was the worst era for the store ever. | ||
| You would go there on a Monday or a Tuesday and you would see dog shit. | ||
| There was terrible comedy going on. | ||
| A bunch of them. | ||
| And the guy who ran it was a fucking drunk, and the whole thing was a mess. | ||
| It was pre-Tommy. | ||
| It was another guy who ran it. | ||
| This fucking thing was a disaster. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| There were so many, like, leftovers that should have made it from the 80s, but didn't, and they fell apart, and they were still doing the same material. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know how you get a few of those guys? | ||
| Occasionally, you'll see one of those guys today that still has the same act for 20, like, you'll be at the Ha Ha or Giggles or something like that. | ||
| It's crazy, right? | ||
| You're like, whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is some old material. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that was what you got in the 90s, but there were guys from the 80s. | ||
| Because there was a big wave. | ||
| In the 80s, the wave was from early 80s to late 80s. | ||
| And then it started to die off into the 90s. | ||
| The comedy club started closing. | ||
| The Boston scene collapsed. | ||
| All those evening improv shows kind of drifted away. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| There was a bunch of those shows for a while, and then they slowly all faded away, and that was in the early 90s. | ||
| And that's when I came around, the leftovers. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| There was so much bad comedy, and there was very few people, there was no one from my era that started off in 94 that's around today. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| At the comedy store? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No one, no one that I could think of. | ||
| I can't think of one guy who was with me back then, who was in my state, You know, I was already headlining on the road, and I had a television show, but realistically, I learned how to do stand-up at the store. | ||
| Yeah, that's badass. | ||
| Realistically. | ||
| Yeah, that's me, too. | ||
| That's where I learned. | ||
| I had some jokes. | ||
| I knew a little bit about comedy, but I really learned it at the store. | ||
| That OR just fucking changes all rules. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And it gets you ready when you're out on the road. | ||
| You go, oh, I've seen this. | ||
| And the belly room is the OR compressed to a diamond. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love the belly room. | ||
| It's like a half of an OR. It's like half the OR. It's like this. | ||
| That thing's a fort. | ||
| I call it a comedy fort. | ||
| Yeah, it is like that, right? | ||
| You go upstairs, you're in the fort, you know, and it just feels good. | ||
| You're looking at naked pictures. | ||
| Until one day it collapses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| Especially those roast battle nights. | ||
| I don't even like going up there those nights. | ||
| This is going to go in the kitchen. | ||
| We're going to land in the fryer later. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I get paranoid. | ||
| I mean, not enough people in here. | ||
| It's great now with Periscope, though, because all of us just sit and watch it on Periscope now. | ||
| It's got three feeds. | ||
| You've got to be there, though, dude. | ||
| You've got to be there. | ||
| I'm going to judge in a couple weeks. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| You know what the problem with Periscope is, though? | ||
| That people that are outside of it are not going to get it, and they're going to get angry, like at the whites-only table, and all the racism, and the black wave. | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| The Negro wave? | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My boy Jeremiah Watkins is in that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's white, though. | ||
| He's allowed. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's a whole thing. | ||
| It's a magic place. | ||
| And Kill Tony, too, is a big part of that, too. | ||
| You guys doing that podcast out of there and getting all these young people, getting this one-minute shot, and it made Kim, and it made Sarah. | ||
| Those girls came out of that, and now they've got careers. | ||
| Now things are happening for them. | ||
| Well, that's a good support group, you know, when you have a podcast and other people in America are listening. | ||
| They go, man, I think I could try that, you know? | ||
| Yeah, well I get these tweets all the time from people, like they'll see the show that we'll put together on the Ice House or something like that, and they'll be like, fuck, I live in the wrong place! | ||
| This is crazy that you guys have these shows there on a regular basis! | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| The other night it was Diaz, Irera, Brian Callan, me, and Duncan. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Fucking tornado hit that place. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| Dude, all those guys on their own make me laugh so fucking hard, man. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, Dom, I went on the road with him, and man, I just laughed my ass off the whole time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Onstage, offstage, eating, whatever. | ||
| You know, he's just always great. | ||
| Like, look at you. | ||
| You'd be a fun one to be on the road with, Dom. | ||
| Oh, he's so funny and so cool, and he's been in it for... | ||
| He worries me with his drinking, though. | ||
| That's the only thing I worry about Dom, is that he's getting older, and he can't hit it hard every night. | ||
| Pop a Xanax and keep boozing. | ||
| Yeah, that Xanax thing. | ||
| When he first came on the podcast, he was all fucked up on Xanax. | ||
| He talked about all that. | ||
| Well, I think he still takes them every night. | ||
| He takes one every day. | ||
| But he likes it. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| For whatever reason, you know? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's great, man. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| You need an addiction? | ||
| Yeah, I need to go back to cigarettes or something. | ||
| My addiction is... | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Why would you say that? | ||
| Mine's comedy. | ||
| You just quit cigarettes for like four days. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And you're like, I need to go back to cigarettes. | ||
| As if it was a long time ago. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| Back when I was working out. | ||
| You can tell he's going to pop off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course he is. | |
| You can just tell. | ||
| Because you're just like... | ||
| Made a fort out of five coffee stirs. | ||
| If you stub your toe, you'll use it as an excuse. | ||
| Fuck this, I need a cigarette. | ||
| Stub my toe. | ||
| Oh my god, I scuffed my new sneakers. | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
| I need a cigarette. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| You just gotta need to... | ||
| You gotta need... | ||
| To escape and you got to be really careful about that because You're doing something that's gonna eventually give you an illness and you know most likely one of those incurable ones like lung cancer and if that happens dude You'll be thinking like Johnny Carson was like Johnny Carson before he died Would just walk around the house with an oxygen mask and go those fucking cigarettes. | ||
| Yeah, and that's all he would say those goddamn cigarettes those fucking cigarettes I quit him, man. | ||
| It was brutal, but it's like... | ||
| I was telling Brian, I saw this guy, he was 30, and he used to hang out at this bar I'd go to all the time. | ||
| One day he showed up, he goes, yeah, I'm going to be coming here for the rest of my life. | ||
| And I go, yeah, I know, you're here every day. | ||
| And he goes, no, I just got six months to live. | ||
| He got lung cancer, but it was from asbestos or something, but he also smoked. | ||
| But I saw him whittle away in three months. | ||
| He looked like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. | ||
| He had the oxygen thing, and he came in... | ||
| And I was like, I'm off these, man. | ||
| And I got to fuck off them. | ||
| It scared me because he was just, he's 30 and dead. | ||
| You know? | ||
| He's dead now. | ||
| Oh, he died instantly. | ||
| And that was like in 90. Lung cancer's not cute. | ||
| It's gross, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not fun. | |
| I need an addiction. | ||
| I'm in a pill addiction. | ||
| Xanax, I just don't get why. | ||
| Everyone I know is either on Adderall or Xanax. | ||
| They either have an up or a down. | ||
| And you talk to these people and they're like, oh no, I only like downers or I only like uppers. | ||
| Everyone seems like they're on something for one of those two things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Self-medication. | |
| People are trying to self-medicate. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm trying to go the full clean route. | ||
| My memory is fire right now. | ||
| I quit caffeine. | ||
| My memory is incredible. | ||
| Because you quit caffeine? | ||
| Yeah, because I was all kind of... | ||
| I would just drink like 10 coffees a day. | ||
| Then I'd be on stage and I'd just be like... | ||
| Word, man. | ||
| Like, sometimes I get a twitch up here, too much caffeine. | ||
| You ever get that? | ||
| It's twitching here while you're on stage? | ||
| Is that what that's from? | ||
| It's also from caffeine or sleep dipper face. | ||
| Man, I'd get this twitch, and it wouldn't stop, and I'd be like, God damn it, my eye. | ||
| I love how you guys are doctors. | ||
| You're self-diagnosing. | ||
| I'm getting canker sores from Mentos, and this guy's getting twitches from coffee. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Definitely from the coffee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, for sure. | |
| Not from all the coke you did throughout the fucking 25 years you were stuffing it through your fucking nose cavity. | ||
| Oh man, I've had some close calls on coke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Really? | ||
| Heart attack calls? | ||
| I had the numb arm, you know. | ||
| The numb arm? | ||
| Yeah, Marin had a numb arm too. | ||
| He did a bit about it, but I was in Laurel Canyon. | ||
| I remember there was just the first time I ever really saw a pyramid of coke. | ||
| Like, people tried to do that because of Scarface. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You go to parties and they go, they had a Pyramid of Coke. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So you went to... | ||
| How many people are stealing it? | ||
| Like, putting it in a little vial? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I... That's what you think, right? | ||
| But, like, the people that are there, they're just like, yeah, there's plenty of Coke, you know? | ||
| How much does something like that cost? | ||
| Like, a pyramid of Coke? | ||
| That would probably be a key of Coke, you know? | ||
| It's like a brick. | ||
| How much does a key cost? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Back then, that's big money. | ||
| Like, back then, an eight ball was $3.50, three and a half grams. | ||
| Okay, well, look, just give me a guesstimate. | ||
| Let's say $5,000, $10,000. | ||
| Well, you think about the amount of money that some people spend on parties just for catering and shit. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Having a band play and fucking ice sculpture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why not have a big, giant brick of Coke? | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| And it looked pretty impressive when you come in and you go, well, that's an actual pyramid of Coke. | ||
| But if you got busted, if the cops came, they'd probably bust you for distribution. | ||
| Oh, that's prison there. | ||
| That's a Kia blow. | ||
| You gotta go, we're having a party. | ||
| What kind of party? | ||
| Aerosmith party. | ||
| It's a Joe Walsh party, bitch. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| I went over and I just kind of scooped a pile off of it. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Like, you know, you can't tell. | ||
| You're not looking. | ||
| This looks good here. | ||
| And I blasted it up. | ||
| And I swear to God, about a minute later, I was like, oh. | ||
| My arm was totally numb. | ||
| And I was like, oh, fuck. | ||
| And it was problems, you know? | ||
| So do you think that it was... | ||
| No, it was just clean, super coke, you know? | ||
| You know, like real coke. | ||
| You're not used to doing some super good coke. | ||
| And I go up to the guy and go, hey, dude, you gotta call an ambulance. | ||
| And he's like, no way, man. | ||
| That'll attract heat. | ||
| You gotta ride it out, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta ride it out! | |
| And that's the same thing Maren was talking about when he ate too much Chinese food. | ||
| Ride it out, you know? | ||
| And you're like, dude. | ||
| He ate too much what? | ||
| He ate too much Chinese food once. | ||
| Just like tons. | ||
| And like, I guess from the salt. | ||
| Tons of salt and shit. | ||
| Oh, that's so weak. | ||
| You're talking about doing coke and almost dying. | ||
| And he's like, yeah, I ate too much egg food young. | ||
| I almost died. | ||
| Same thing, man. | ||
| Totally same thing. | ||
| No, like, if you eat shitloads of, like, salt in your body, or too much, like, I've had too much sugar and my fucking foot starts tingling. | ||
| That ever happen to you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you guys know what is causing all these issues? | |
| Yeah, it was the ice cream sundae. | ||
| It's like gummy bears. | ||
| I hang with Ari Shaffir and we'll eat, like, bags of candy. | ||
| I go, hey dude, that was too much. | ||
| Dude, your body is held together with those gummy bears. | ||
| Those gummy bears are the glue that keeps your organs functioning. | ||
| That's the connections between the neurons and the tissue. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| That's like Lemmy. | ||
| They told him, don't stop partying because you will die. | ||
| Did they really tell him that? | ||
| On that Lemmy documentary, they're like, well, your body's immune to it now. | ||
| It'd probably go in shock if you didn't have it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That's pretty wise. | ||
| Does he drink that much? | ||
| With drinks and does a little powders, I believe. | ||
| How old is Lemmy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's like 70 or something. | ||
| Can you look that up, Lemmy? | ||
| He was sick last year. | ||
| Pretty bad, man. | ||
| From what? | ||
| I guess just running your body forever. | ||
| That's not what he looks like now, though. | ||
| Nah, he's 69. He's 69. Let's find a recent image of Lemmy. | ||
| He's like right, I would say, right there, the hat one? | ||
| With the glasses? | ||
| That's him right there. | ||
| That's him there. | ||
| Well, that one right there. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| The last one. | ||
| Look at the warts on his face. | ||
| Why would you get those removed? | ||
| Because he's Lemmy from Motorhead. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| They'll fuck him even with these giant gross things growing out of his face. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| Like, watch the documentary, Lemmy. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| See, there he is. | ||
| There he is with his collection. | ||
| He's got all those war swords and stuff in his house. | ||
| Where does he live? | ||
| He lives by the rainbow. | ||
| In the same apartment he's had for like 30 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, what a madman. | ||
| I love it, right? | ||
| Just rocker. | ||
| And he still just hits the road and gets crazy? | ||
| Oh yeah, they just put a new record coming out, man. | ||
| Does he have any kids? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Yeah, he's got two children. | ||
| He was Hendrix Roadie. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's wild. | |
| What a maniac. | ||
| Played in a band called Hawkwind in the 60s. | ||
| It says, Lemmy has lost a lot of weight. | ||
| Metal injection. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| Health scare. | ||
| What was his health scare? | ||
| He got sick. | ||
| Something was wrong, man. | ||
| That's the picture right there. | ||
| Lemmy's looking out. | ||
| He looks skinny as fuck. | ||
| Who's that guy on the left? | ||
| Who? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chris Jericho. | |
| Yeah, he's a wrestler. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How dare you. | ||
| He's a singer in a band. | ||
| There he is, man. | ||
| Lemmy's great. | ||
| 69 years old, still parties hard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Animal. | ||
| How much pussy do you think he gets? | ||
| Even at 69. Oh, tons. | ||
| That rainbow pussy, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you're in a rock... | |
| Listen to Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen to Brian. | |
| It's the same porn girls who are at the rainbow that are on his periscope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| How dare you insult him like that while on the podcast? | ||
| You rude man, you. | ||
| I was at this girl's house the other day, and some 65-year-old guy is just sitting on the couch, and I'm like, why is that guy... | ||
| I'm leaving. | ||
| What is this place? | ||
| You went over to her house and there was a guy just sitting on the couch? | ||
| Yeah, she's invited me back to her house with this girl. | ||
| I'm hanging out with these two girls, periscoping, and then I'm like, wait a second, there's a 65-year-old man creepily watching me in the corner. | ||
| Is that the one that threw up? | ||
| Who was he? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's just some doctor that wanted to watch me play with these two girls. | ||
| What? | ||
| One threw up on you? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| A doctor wanted you to play with these two girls? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He just wanted to watch us play together. | ||
| All three of us just hanging out. | ||
| So you and the two girls and the guy was just whacking off in the corner? | ||
| No, he wasn't whacking off. | ||
| He was just hanging out there just doing this weird smile. | ||
| Did you talk to him at all? | ||
| I tried to, but he was weird, so I was just like, whatever. | ||
| These two girls are drunk right here, so I'll just hang out with them. | ||
| So we were periscoping. | ||
| Was it his house? | ||
| I'm starting to think it was. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Could you imagine if you get to that point where you're so desperado as a sugar daddy that you tell girls, look, I don't even care if you bring guys back. | ||
| You live here. | ||
| I think that's what it was. | ||
| You bring guys back. | ||
| You do whatever you want. | ||
| Just let me hang out. | ||
| Just let me jerk off in your mouth every couple of days. | ||
| Yeah, I ran out. | ||
| That is awesome. | ||
| People have to do what they have to do to get by in this world, man. | ||
| People have to fucking survive. | ||
| If you're living on the streets in Bangladesh, you've got to walk barefoot and carry a basket on your head. | ||
| If you're a 65-year-old dude and you've got a house in the Hollywood Hills and you want to get laid and you're not famous, what do you do? | ||
| You're not Lemmy from Motorhead, bitch. | ||
| You've got to let these girls live in your house and bring home dudes. | ||
| You've got to do it. | ||
| You're like, we can't stay. | ||
| We need to bring home guys. | ||
| Bring them here. | ||
| Don't disturb me when I'm beaten off. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's basically the whole recipe of the Playboy Mansion. | ||
| In a lot of ways, yeah. | ||
| Well, there was a house that I looked at. | ||
| There was one point in time where I was thinking, I should probably live in the Hollywood Hills. | ||
| It'd be easier to get to the store. | ||
| I'd get home quicker. | ||
| I'd get more work done. | ||
| I'd be like, I could live anywhere. | ||
| I thought about it for a very short period of time, like maybe a couple weeks. | ||
| And I looked at this one house, and the house that I looked at was really cool. | ||
| And this guy had this glass back window. | ||
| Like, his entire back of his house was glass. | ||
| And he was a guy that invented bell-bottoms, allegedly. | ||
| This was the story behind this guy. | ||
| And they used to call him Wild Man. | ||
| This guy used to show up at Eddie Bravo was a DJ at a strip club. | ||
| And Eddie used to work at a strip club, and this guy was rich as fuck. | ||
| And he would come in, and he would pay like a shitload of money. | ||
| To get these girls to come back to his place. | ||
| He would go to strip clubs all throughout the valley. | ||
| Go everywhere he wanted. | ||
| He had like a whole place that he would go during the day. | ||
| And he would get these girls. | ||
| And the story was that this guy was a straight-laced guy who smoked a lot of cigarettes. | ||
| And he went to the doctor. | ||
| And the doctor said, listen, man, you're going to die. | ||
| You've got to stop smoking cigarettes. | ||
| You're going to die. | ||
| Look, if you need to smoke, smoke weed. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Smoke pot. | ||
| It doesn't give you cancer. | ||
| So this guy starts smoking pot. | ||
| Joints all day long. | ||
| Changes his life. | ||
| Decides, you know what, man? | ||
| I don't want to work anymore. | ||
| I have money. | ||
| You know what I'm going to do? | ||
| I'm going to just play guitar and I'm going to get hookers. | ||
| So this is what the guy decided to do. | ||
| Just play guitar and get hookers. | ||
| But apparently he was really mean to them. | ||
| Which is sort of the opposite of what you expect from potheads, right? | ||
| Yeah, bell bottom creator. | ||
| Expect gentle and apparently he used to call it like boot camping them. | ||
| He would boot camp these girls. | ||
| He would treat them like shit. | ||
| He would pay them a lot of money. | ||
| He would treat them like shit and he got off on the fact that he was this gross old guy and he would get these hot young girls and he would do mean stuff to them. | ||
| Well, this guy was selling his house. | ||
| So I went to look at the house, and I remember looking around, and I was thinking, wow, this house is, like, really expensive, and it's right there on the street. | ||
| And then I remember thinking, like, this guy's, like, been bringing these hookers back to this place. | ||
| So it's like, a lot of people are probably going to think that this guy is, you know, an asshole, and they're going to rob him or something. | ||
| Like, what if I buy it, and they go looking for wild man? | ||
| I'm like, yo, I live here now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't fucking... | |
| Two weeks after I thought that, he was killed in that house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| He brought a girl home, and apparently the girl brought guys with her, and they fucking shot him in the neck. | ||
| Whoa, boogie night style. | ||
| Yeah, shot him in the neck, and he bled out right in the front where I was walking around, looking around. | ||
| Right when I was looking around his house going, this fucking guy could get shot in this place. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| It was funny because I brought that up and the guy was selling the house, the real estate guy goes, don't worry, there's a state-of-the-art security system, cameras everywhere. | ||
| And I go, you know what those cameras are going to show? | ||
| They're going to show a dude in a ski mask shooting somebody. | ||
| Good luck trying to figure that out. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| When I said that to the guy, the guy was like, you know, the salesman, like you trying to sell motorcycles, he's trying to sell this fucking badass Hollywood Hills house. | ||
| But... | ||
| I bet they just fucking sucked that blood out with a vacuum, cleaned it up nice, and sold that bitch within a week. | ||
| Those houses, they go like that up there. | ||
| That's some Don Simpson shit. | ||
| You ever read that book, High Concept? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| He was the producer that did all the blockbusters. | ||
| He invented the blockbuster right after Jaws, so Top Gun. | ||
| What's the race one? | ||
| Days of Thunder. | ||
| Days of Thunder. | ||
| He was a lunatic. | ||
| He'd get streetwalkers, bring them up to his mansion. | ||
| They had a fucking, like a 20-foot fence all the way around, and then he'd be like, you're going to eat poo and shit like that. | ||
| I like this guy. | ||
| He just whiffed coke and fucking went nuts. | ||
| High concept. | ||
| Read the book. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| This is something hilarious about a guy on coke saying you're gonna eat poo. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| It's like that language. | ||
| It's like for five-year-olds. | ||
| That book is crazy. | ||
| Hollywood weirdos back then. | ||
| That's so fucked. | ||
| That thing that men want to hire women to get them to do degrading shit. | ||
| That's so bizarre. | ||
| By the way, this is coming from the host of Fear Factor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Take everything I say with a grain of salt. | |
| But the idea that that's what they get off on. | ||
| They get off on taking someone who desperately needs the money, bringing them to their own house where they live and sleep. | ||
| You're haunting that place with the memories of you boot camping. | ||
| Boot camping. | ||
| Yeah, that's what he used to do. | ||
| What a word! | ||
| That was his expression. | ||
| He smoked a lot of cigarettes during his life, so he had that raspy cigarette voice, and like, yeah, boot camp him. | ||
| I remember when I met the guy, I felt really creeped out by him. | ||
| Like, I wouldn't want to buy a house from an asshole, you know? | ||
| Just that alone, I wouldn't want, I'm just not interested in buying some asshole's house. | ||
| Because I think the asshole vibe would stay. | ||
| Asshole spirit. | ||
| Yeah, it would stay in the house, man. | ||
| There's some creepy shit in the Hollywood Hills that has gone down over the last hundred years, and it's just kind of like, there's ghosts up there, man. | ||
| Well, if you didn't know that the guy was an asshole, that'd be one thing. | ||
| And you took it over, and you're like, I'll turn it into my house. | ||
| I'll have a nice party with my friends over. | ||
| This is my house now. | ||
| Hey, house, I'll just let you know, no more bootcamping. | ||
| We're going to be nice to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This house is going to be barbecues and hugs and good times. | |
| No more boot camping. | ||
| We'll fucking swim together. | ||
| Everyone's going to be nice here. | ||
| No boot camping. | ||
| No more boot camping, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love this. | |
| But if you know that it was an asshole's house, it's tough to do. | ||
| It's tough to buy. | ||
| You'd have other choices, you know? | ||
| I wouldn't want to buy someone's. | ||
| It's kind of like Joey Diaz's bathroom. | ||
| You know, that's the most hauntedest fucked up place in the world. | ||
| Imagine living in his place after. | ||
| I would buy Joey Diaz's house in a heartbeat. | ||
| Joey Diaz had a house and it was for sale. | ||
| I'd probably buy it just to make sure nobody else had it. | ||
| Yeah, my buddies moved into Joey Diaz's apartment building over there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that place? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, no! | ||
| That's the worst place. | ||
| That place is crazy. | ||
| It's crazy, right? | ||
| I was there during the day when Ralphie lived across the hall from Doug Stanhope, who lived right down the street from Joey, and Joey was staying with Gavin. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It was chaos. | ||
| Comedy corner. | ||
| That was a crazy comedy squat house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're in there now. | ||
| Luke is the bartender at the store. | ||
| Luke lives there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Luke lives, yeah. | |
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, and then my other buddy Steve Henry, he moved in, so it's like comedy. | ||
| It's across the street from the gay MCA, right? | ||
| That's right, yeah, yeah. | ||
| How much does it cost to even rent that place? | ||
| $9.50. | ||
| It's good for the size. | ||
| For one better. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a massive studio with a separate kitchen and everything, but you got a garage and stuff. | ||
| Hey, for Hollywood, that's pretty goddamn good. | ||
| It is, man. | ||
| You know, if one of those places would be a good idea to do a podcast studio, too. | ||
| You're so right. | ||
| Think about how much you have to pay at the Ice House. | ||
| You could get an actual studio apartment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally. | |
| Where's your studio? | ||
| My studio's in a studio. | ||
| Yeah, me and a couple of comics were actually thinking about, they're building condos across the street eventually, they're tearing down that House of Blues, just all chipping in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, that's going down. | ||
| I think three more months, it's close, right? | ||
| Yeah, three more months. | ||
| And so they're building condos there, so me and a few comics were like, we should just rent, all chip in, like $300 a month or whatever, and rent a place we could always just crash there if we want to. | ||
| Yeah, instead of Uber. | ||
| One of those losers is going to wind up living there and fuck it up. | ||
| Yeah, true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Getting high on some fucked up drugs. | ||
| Boot camping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god! | |
| Boot camp! | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| I'm never gonna forget that term. | ||
| You'll never forget it. | ||
| My friend Larry, who used to live in the Hollywood Hills, had the most amazing view I've ever seen in my life up there. | ||
| To this day, I've seen some dope views of nature. | ||
| Like, nature views are my favorite views, but nature views don't work at night. | ||
| At night, you just see dark mountains. | ||
| But Larry had a place at the top of Doheny. | ||
| And the view was like Blade Runner. | ||
| It was like, it didn't seem real. | ||
| You would look out, you're like, I didn't know anybody got to see this. | ||
| The view of all those lights from a certain height. | ||
| You don't want to be too high up. | ||
| You see it from an airplane, it looks pretty dope. | ||
| But there's something about being at the top of that Doheny area where you get this grid effect where this amazing light show at night. | ||
| We would go out to his place. | ||
| I would bring people by his house just to look at the view at night. | ||
| I'm like, you just got to see this. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Especially on a clear night, like after it rained. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Pauly Shore's house would fuck you up. | ||
| Same thing? | ||
| Same kind of thing? | ||
| He's right at the top of Runyon. | ||
| 360. 360. You got Century City. | ||
| You got The Grove. | ||
| Then over here you have Downtown. | ||
| Then behind him, he has all the hills like Runyon and everything. | ||
| It's just with this spill-off infinity pool and stuff. | ||
| Well, that would be one of those houses, though, where you'd wonder about the bootcamping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You'd be wandering around going, this house might be haunted. | ||
| Hey, buddy! | ||
| You'd have to bring in some vegans to have a fucking... | ||
| Vegan seance? | ||
| Yeah, you'd have to have some sort of a yogi. | ||
| And that's not an infinity pool, that's a hooker bath. | ||
| It drains just pubic hair and condoms. | ||
| It was an amazing pad. | ||
| He said he bought it from the MTV money in the 80s and he still owns it, man. | ||
| Does he rent it out now? | ||
| Yeah, he just rents it out. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Real estate in the Hollywood Hills is a great investment. | ||
| That's smart. | ||
| Well, Paulie's been smart with his money like that. | ||
| He really has. | ||
| That's a smart move. | ||
| He owns that place above, well, he sold it to Scott, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, right. | ||
| The one right behind it, the house behind it. | ||
| That's a great spot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a great spot. | |
| If someone had that spot, the place that's right at the top of that little hill. | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| He asked me to run it for a while. | ||
| Run that house? | ||
| He's like, you live and pick the good room and then pick like four guys that you want to live with and you can, you know. | ||
| It's a great idea. | ||
| A comedy house like they used to have on Cresthill. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| But my only worry was the comics moving out every couple months. | ||
| Like, I can't make rent. | ||
| And then all of a sudden you're this landlord instead of just a roommate. | ||
| Sounds like work. | ||
| Yeah, you've got to collect money, chase people down. | ||
| Whenever you're dealing with broke dudes, it's always a disaster. | ||
| It's brutal, man. | ||
| Which is exactly what you would deal with if you've got to... | ||
| You would wind up having your name on the condo because you're the older guy. | ||
| They'd be like, well, just we'll pay you. | ||
| And then, hey, man, you can just sell my part out to someone else. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fuck? | |
| Nobody wants it. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| And then how about this? | ||
| You got rent. | ||
| Why are you being a dick, man? | ||
| I thought we were bros. | ||
| Like, dude, it's rent. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| You got money. | ||
| You owe money. | ||
| That's not what's going on here. | ||
| Don't get mad at me, you fuck. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| That's the worst. | ||
| The worst is when broke people that owe money turn it around and get upset at you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about what, you know, dude, we're living here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now I have to pay your part. | ||
| Some people just always look for some sort of an excuse to not have to contribute. | ||
| And when you're dealing with starving, struggling artists, it's the same sort of mentality that makes people flick cigarettes out the window. | ||
| It's not thinking about anybody but themselves. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's a cigarette thing, too, man. | ||
| There's something about poisoning your body with cigarettes. | ||
| I've always wondered, like, I was hanging out with a telly the other day. | ||
| I didn't bring it up because I love him, but he just smoked a cigarette, dropped on the ground, stepped on it, left it there. | ||
| And I was like, dude, you know that's littering. | ||
| Would you do that with a wrapper? | ||
| Would you do that with a can? | ||
| I was glamorized growing up with James Dean stepping on the cigarette or flicking it. | ||
| It used to always be a thing that even cops would do. | ||
| It never was considered a litter. | ||
| And you say something in the end like, and then we went to boot camp. | ||
| And you throw it down. | ||
|
unidentified
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And I boot camped it. | |
| You want five grand? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're gonna fucking earn it. | |
| Get in the house and put on the gloves. | ||
| Put on the waiters. | ||
| My favorite deal is as they're driving this Prius, oh, I'm saving the environment. | ||
| They flick a cigarette out of their fucking Prius. | ||
| Dude, I've had a running tally on this show about people in Priuses that I've seen throw cigarettes out the window. | ||
| It's up to eight. | ||
| It's unbelievable! | ||
| Eight people in a Prius throw a cigarette out the window. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, don't tell me you're driving that Prius for the environment. | ||
| You're a fucking liar. | ||
| Well, they're doing it to save some money. | ||
| Priuses are cheap. | ||
| It's cheap on gas. | ||
| You could drive one of those things. | ||
| Daniel Cormier, the UFC light heavyweight champ, he has one, and he said it costs like, you know, 30 bucks to fill up, and it lasts a month. | ||
| Yeah, I went to San Fran with another comic in it, and we put like $26 in it, and we were there. | ||
| I was like, are you kidding? | ||
| Like, my motorcycle I stopped three times. | ||
| They're great on gas, but they're dogshit cars. | ||
| Oh, they're just... | ||
| Uber's killed it for me, man. | ||
| I've been in so many Priuses lately. | ||
| Every Uber driver has one. | ||
| Prius is the track home of cars. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's a track home. | ||
| They all look the same. | ||
| You just go in and you go, where's mine? | ||
| You ever leave the arc light and you go, look at the fucking Priuses in here. | ||
| How do you find yours? | ||
| It gets you where you want to go. | ||
| Yeah, that's all it is. | ||
| It's a tool. | ||
| If everybody had one of those, it wouldn't be so dangerous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But the problem is other people have fucking trucks, you know, and semis and shit. | ||
| And you have a Prius. | ||
| If you're a Prius, you get hit by a semi. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Christ. | ||
| After I got rear-ended, man, I started really reconsidering the type of automobile I drive. | ||
| I'm like, this... | ||
| You know, the Porsche took the hit pretty good because it's designed German engineering and has a crash beam in the back that absorbs the impact, but I didn't get hit that hard either, you know? | ||
| I mean, you think about all these fucking idiots out there, like... | ||
| I told you about Van Owen Street and these caved-in cars from assholes that are just texting or sleeping or whatever the fuck they're doing. | ||
| That's the problem with driving is the other people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're dealing with so many variables. | ||
| It's insane out there. | ||
| None of them have insurance either. | ||
| Half these people on our roads don't even have licenses, insurance, whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's brutal out there, man. | ||
| I'm on a motorcycle and I just laugh. | ||
| Like, I'll look right at a guy, Joe. | ||
| I'm riding. | ||
| The guy will look at me. | ||
| He'll look like this. | ||
| He sees me, puts his blinker on, and just starts coming over. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He knows you're gonna move. | ||
| So I start honking like, hey man, I'm right here, hey! | ||
| And then, now he won't look. | ||
| Like, oh, I don't hear you! | ||
| I'm coming over here, I need this lane! | ||
| And they just... | ||
| Well, they know that they can bully you. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| They can push you over. | ||
| Did you see that video of the guy in the BMW? And there's a guy in a motorcycle that has a GoPro on his helmet. | ||
| Oh, that's unbelievable. | ||
| I can't believe it. | ||
| He goes, get off the fucking phone. | ||
| Stay off the phone. | ||
| You're driving. | ||
| So then the guy runs him off the road. | ||
| Yeah, he hits him. | ||
| Hits him on purpose. | ||
| There's a video of the kid looking to his left, looking to his left, and boom, he gets hit. | ||
| And you just hear him go, oh! | ||
| Oh, and this guy picks him up. | ||
| He's like, 911, I've been hit. | ||
| They should find whoever has that fucking BMW and beat the fucking holy shit out of them. | ||
| I fucking believe in that big deal, man. | ||
| What a cunt. | ||
| What a piece of shit. | ||
| That's a human on a vehicle. | ||
| Easily could have been paralyzed. | ||
| Easily could have been said. | ||
| Easily could have been run over in the other direction. | ||
| He could have kids. | ||
| You know, he loses his job, he's got broke legs now, and he loses his house and everything from this fucking dick that's like, I gotta get to my job, fuck you. | ||
| Well, that wasn't what he was doing on purpose. | ||
| Yeah, he did it on purpose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He did it because that guy had said to him, get off your phone. | |
| First he honks at him. | ||
| He goes, hey, get off your phone! | ||
| And then he pulls up. | ||
| And then the guy's like, honk! | ||
| And he turns, he looks. | ||
| Then he starts riding left. | ||
| It looks like he's on to, like, Santa Monica off of Liberia there. | ||
| And then, boom, the car hits him. | ||
| Yeah, most likely the kid did not have his... | ||
| Alright, here it is. | ||
| We'll end this. | ||
| It doesn't have the fucking plate, so he really doesn't know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It has to be a traffic camera or something. | ||
| Yeah, well, one would hope so, but a traffic camera is probably most likely not going to get the... | ||
| This isn't, like, serious fucking... | ||
| That's on La Brea there, you know? | ||
| By Alan Nates. | ||
| So this kid keeps looking back, because apparently he's, like, right on him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right there. | |
| Right in front of Koi. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Look at this man. | ||
| He just cut him off. | ||
| He just got in front of him. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This guy helps him up. | ||
| You shouldn't help a guy out when he gets hit like that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He might be fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| I was furious when I saw this. | ||
| Visit my crowdfunding site. | ||
| That wasn't the car pulled over, right? | ||
| The car took off. | ||
| No, no, the car took off. | ||
| It was a black Beamer. | ||
| No, it wasn't black. | ||
| Right here? | ||
| No, no, it was before that. | ||
| You could see it before it. | ||
| You could see the color of it before it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The beginning, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| It's a Beamer on the left, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's a Beamer, but it looks like it's kind of a grayish. | ||
| I can't believe the guy did that. | ||
| Yeah, if anybody knows who did that. | ||
| Yeah, fucking find him. | ||
| Please. | ||
| That guy needs to be in jail. | ||
| That is such a cunt move. | ||
| Before you go, you've got to hear this story, Joe. | ||
| Gilby Clark from Guns N' Roses. | ||
| He was hit on his motorcycle on Ventura Boulevard about five years ago. | ||
| Guy hits and runs him. | ||
| Two years after that, Gilby Hospital for six months, can't walk, plates in his legs, a cane. | ||
| Guy hit him and ran. | ||
| The guy's at a party two years later. | ||
| He's telling the dude, yeah, man, I hit a guy a couple years ago on a motorcycle. | ||
| I just kept going, man. | ||
| He's kind of drunk. | ||
| The guy goes, really? | ||
| He goes, yeah, over on Ventura Boulevard, man. | ||
| These bikers, fuck them, man. | ||
| I mean, you know, he, I don't know. | ||
| I hit him, I don't know what happened. | ||
| The guy knew Gilby. | ||
| Called him and goes, I got the guy. | ||
| He's at this party two years later. | ||
| They sent the police over and it was the dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He told the story at a party. | |
| So this guy is not going to be able to... | ||
| First of all, he has some damage on his car. | ||
| He hit the bike. | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| So he's got something on the side of his car. | ||
| Unless he just bumped the wheel. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| Yeah, he might have bumped the wheel from behind. | ||
| But he's going to tell someone because that's going to weigh on him. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| What a cunt. | ||
| That's such a scary thing that someone could do that to a person. | ||
| Just hit him with a car. | ||
| That's fucking brutal, dude. | ||
| Unless he was texting. | ||
| He didn't realize he did it. | ||
| No, he knew he did it. | ||
| It looks like he drove on that guy's ass and hit him. | ||
| Well, the guy kept looking like he's coming up on him. | ||
| He sees his head. | ||
| He's going, what the fuck? | ||
| Well, two things. | ||
| One, don't start shit with someone that's just on their phone. | ||
| He shouldn't have done that in the first place. | ||
| Not excusing the guy for hitting him in the car, but you never know what you're catching someone. | ||
| You might be catching someone at the fucking verge of a nervous breakdown. | ||
| Their wife just broke up with them. | ||
| She cleaned out the bank account. | ||
| They got fired at work. | ||
| Their dog got poisoned by the neighbor. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who knows? | |
| And you just, you know, fuck you, get off your phone. | ||
| What?! | ||
| You know, you're catching someone at nine. | ||
| Touch the button. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| Be nice. | ||
| You fucks. | ||
| And this city is also filled with gangsters. | ||
| Half these people are just fucking murderers. | ||
| You know how many people are out there packing? | ||
| Well, how many people are out there just so angry and frustrated, too? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't get that rule. | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| Just everything. | ||
| I mean, there's 20 million people. | ||
| You're dealing with way too many human beings. | ||
| You're dealing with all sorts of fucking economic problems and who knows what else and relationship shit. | ||
| There's an episode of... | ||
| Radio Lab that I'm listening to right now, where it talks about people that were going to kill somebody, that almost were going to kill somebody. | ||
| How prevalent it is, this woman was talking about this ex-boyfriend that she had that was blackmailing her and said, if you have another boyfriend, I'm going to fucking tell them and I'm going to send them sex tapes that we made together and was saying that I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your life. | ||
| So she invited the guy over to her house and she was cooking dinner for him and she was going to stab him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And she had the knife in her hand. | ||
| The guy ran away. | ||
| And they asked her, like, how close were you to stabbing him? | ||
| She was like, 60%. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| 60% to stab him. | ||
| She was thinking, if this guy wasn't in my life, I could be happy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so she was just going to stab him. | ||
| Like, she was so maniacal about it. | ||
| And you've got to think, how many people get that close? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, this is a normal person who got that close. | ||
| They got that close. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Because then the next five minutes, your whole life changes and you go to prison. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| I would give her a free pass. | ||
| I'd give her a pass. | ||
| The guy is a cunt. | ||
| He's trying to fucking say she can never have a boyfriend again. | ||
| He's gonna send the sex tape out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, fuck that. | |
| Ruining her life. | ||
| Apparently, according to her, vicious asshole. | ||
| If you're a woman, man, the shit that you have to deal with, it's not that much different than, I mean, in a lot of ways, that kind of bullying, that kind of physical, frightening shit. | ||
| It's a lot like someone in a car hitting someone on a bike. | ||
| It's like you can get away with it. | ||
| You know, you can get away with it so you do it, or you think in that moment at least you can get away with it. | ||
| That's the cuntiest aspect of people victimizing other people when they get away with it like that. | ||
| Yeah, blackmail is the garbage of America. | ||
| Yeah, any violence and like that, especially relationship violence. | ||
| It's the scariest shit, man. | ||
| That's what cops always say, it's the scariest thing for them when they gotta show up. | ||
| Domestic violence? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wait, what'd you say about black guys? | ||
| That's not what he said, man. | ||
| Blackmail, bro. | ||
| Hey, man! | ||
| Black men? | ||
| That's the wrong with America. | ||
| Blackmail. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a meme now for Brian Redman. | |
| With Brian Redman on Ferguson. | ||
| Brian Redman on Baltimore. | ||
| All right, Dean Del Rey, we've got to get out of here. | ||
| We ran out of time. | ||
| That was three hours. | ||
| Hey, man, I want to, for real, thank you so much for having me. | ||
| Please, thanks for coming on, man. | ||
| And folks, check out his podcast. | ||
| If you are into the sultry sounds of Dean Del Rey singing, let there be time! | ||
| How do you do that shit with your voice? | ||
| Let There Be Talk! | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Let There Be Talk on iTunes. | ||
| Also, check out his podcast with Tom Herrera, because it's fucking awesome. | ||
| Toronto. | ||
| Toronto. | ||
| Next month, me and Dean Del Rey. | ||
| Okay, where are you guys at? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What time? | |
| The 18th, we're doing the cinema, and it's going to be a theater show, and it's a live podcast, and both of us are going to do a full comedy show. | ||
| And where can they find out about that? | ||
| Go to deathsquad.tv, click on tour dates. | ||
| Alright, you fuckers. | ||
| We'll see you next week. |
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