June 10, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:59:32
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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Powerful Greg Fitzsimmons. | |
| We were reading this badass Abraham Lincoln quote. | ||
| It's, uh, quarrel not at all, no man resolved to make the most of himself can spare time for personal contention. | ||
| And there's a lot more to the quote, but you'll forget it by the time I'm towards the end of it. | ||
| Um, find that quote and listen to it, or read it rather. | ||
| Where can they find it? | ||
| Dane Cook's Instagram page. | ||
| Dane had it posted. | ||
| Dane has a few too many inspirational posts to my likings, but I don't mind a few. | ||
| Not inspired? | ||
| This one is very good. | ||
| This one is very good. | ||
| No, I'm just busting his balls. | ||
| His aren't that bad. | ||
| They're a little odd. | ||
| His picture's a little odd. | ||
| His abs look good. | ||
| He's in very good shape. | ||
| Very good shape. | ||
| We were just talking about what a bad motherfucker Abraham Lincoln was. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, when he came up literally dirt poor and found his way... | ||
| You know, one of these guys that, like, was working non-stop... | ||
| I think he worked in a pharmacy or something... | ||
| And 12 hours a day and yet put himself through law school by reading books. | ||
| Like, the guy lived in the library. | ||
| He's one of the most well-read presidents of all time. | ||
| And he was a real fucking intellectual. | ||
| But he made his way based on that quote. | ||
| He came in and he was attacked and he was marginalized because all the guys were, you know, they were set. | ||
| The politicians, they had the money and... | ||
| The position, and they just kept stripping him down, and he kept moving past it, flowing past it, and then think about, what did he do with slavery? | ||
| He had to fucking go to war! | ||
| And, you know, basically know that half the country wants to fucking kill you. | ||
| And you just, you go right around that, and you go, no, we got a bigger goal here. | ||
| Have you ever had a conversation with one of those southern deniers? | ||
| No, that's not what the war was about, man. | ||
| The war was about economics. | ||
| You're right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| The war was about economics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they usually don't have the whole story. | ||
| I don't know the whole story of what the economic aspect of the Civil War was. | ||
| But do you remember Matt Graham? | ||
| But they don't either. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They just want to have that to say it. | ||
| Yeah, Matt Graham had a joke about that. | ||
| Remember Matt Graham? | ||
| Yeah, I remember Matt Graham. | ||
| He goes, yeah, they say it's about economics. | ||
| Yeah, you weren't paying the help. | ||
| LAUGHTER Yeah, I mean it was about economics in the sense that cotton was our fucking, was everything in this country. | ||
| We're just exporting cotton and without the slaves, the business model didn't work. | ||
| Is that really what it was about? | ||
| Is that what the war was about or did it have, wasn't there some other economic point of contention? | ||
| Wasn't there something? | ||
| I don't even want to Google it. | ||
| Well, it was basically about states' rights versus federal rights, and states should be able to decide whether or not slavery was legal. | ||
| And then when they got out to the... | ||
| What was the territory that they... | ||
| The state that was going to be... | ||
| You know, incorporated. | ||
| And they were fighting whether or not they should be... | ||
| Kansas-Nebraska Act. | ||
| Once they hit Kansas and Nebraska, that's when they had to decide whether or not new states were going to be able to have slavery or not. | ||
| Oh, so it really was all about slavery. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Pretty much. | ||
| So whatever economic thing, it's just like based on the economics of you not being able to have slaves anymore. | ||
| So it's not really an economic issue. | ||
| I think it was like something about, there was some issue about banking. | ||
| I probably should look it up. | ||
| Well, the banking, I think, came later. | ||
| I think that was with Hamilton. | ||
| Alexander Hamilton created the National Bank, you know, and that was not popular in the southern states. | ||
| Just imagine that less than 200 years ago, 1865 is when slavery was abolished, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Stop thinking about that. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| That's so recent, man. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's so recent. | ||
| God, it's terrifying. | ||
| It's terrifying to think that we are just now getting out of the muck. | ||
| Of the caveman life. | ||
| Barely. | ||
| Pulling our feet out of the muck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We had slaves 200 fucking years ago! | |
| It's so crazy. | ||
| You've got black people today that can say, like, I had a grandparent That was a sleigh, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Abso-fucking-lutely. | ||
| There's got to be a few of those. | ||
| I mean, how old would you be? | ||
| 1865 is 140, 50 years. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So that's like if they had a kid when they were... | ||
| Maybe not grandfather, right? | ||
| Probably great-grandparent at this point. | ||
| Maybe great-grandparent at this point, right? | ||
| Although black people do have kids really young. | ||
| Yeah, so a good generation is so rude. | ||
| Well, that would be bad for it because you really would want to have kids very late in order for the kids to stay alive long enough to be alive to remember a parent or a grandparent. | ||
| A grandparent might be possible. | ||
| 40, 40, and 40, right? | ||
| If you look at 120, like 40 is like about as old as men usually have kids. | ||
| That would take you up to 1900. Then the next kid would take you up to... | ||
| 1940. 1940. Yeah. | ||
| So that's the kid. | ||
| Grandkid would be 1980. That kid's still alive. | ||
| Yeah, that's totally possible. | ||
| Would that be a great grandkid? | ||
| One, one, one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| I always think on podcasts when you're, like, going through, like, everything I just said about slavery, big chunk of it probably will be wrong. | ||
| And, like, in a regular conversation that would just slide by. | ||
| But people are gonna be listening to this that, like, are fucking historians or have Wikipedia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're gonna annihilate me on Twitter. | ||
| Okay, so I guess there were some issues. | ||
| There were some contrasting economic issues. | ||
| The United States was still primarily agricultural in the years before, during, and immediately after the Civil War. | ||
| About three-quarters of the population lived in rural areas, including farms and small towns. | ||
| Nevertheless, the Industrial Revolution that had hit England decades before gradually established itself on the former colonies. | ||
| Factories were built all over the North and South. | ||
| The vast majority of the industrial manufacturing was taking place in the North. | ||
| South had almost 25% of the country's free population, but only 10% of the country's capital in 1860. The North had five times the number of factories as the South and over ten times the number of factory workers. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So it was really like a bunch of people that were adopting or adapting rather to this new way of living, the Industrial Revolution, engines and cities and urbanization, and then people that were really rural. | ||
| And these are the people that had slaves. | ||
| The vast majority of the country is really rural. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And the slave trade was growing just like wildfire. | ||
| You know, they just couldn't bring enough slaves into the country. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I forget the statistics on the number of slaves versus the number of white people, but it was going to get to where there was going to be a revolution anyway. | ||
| Here it says, most southern white families did not own slaves. | ||
| Only about 384,000 out of the 1.6 million did. | ||
| Just stop and think about that for a second. | ||
| Only... | ||
| One out of four. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But only 384,000 people owned slaves. | |
| Like, there's not that many people alive back then. | ||
| This is a totally different world. | ||
| Well, out of 1.6 million, that's one out of four. | ||
| That's just in the United States. | ||
| I mean, people are doing this all over the world, right? | ||
| I mean, this is what they did back then. | ||
| This is like... | ||
| Back then, forever. | ||
| I mean, we're only now in the realm where we come down on the countries of slavery. | ||
| You know, the countries like Kuwait and Qatar. | ||
| But this is a weird statistic, the way they've got it framed. | ||
| Only about 384,000 out of 1.6 million did have slaves. | ||
| Only. | ||
| Like, no biggie. | ||
| Whatever, whatever. | ||
| No biggie. | ||
| Just more than a third of a million. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hundreds of thousands of people own people. | ||
| You know, it's barely just one out of four. | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| And you know, they probably owned the average, probably owned at least three, which means there was a one-to-one ratio of slaves to white people. | ||
| They just didn't have the guns. | ||
| Let me throw this at you. | ||
| How many people own dogs? | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| What number do you think? | ||
| Out of all the households that have dogs? | ||
| 50%? | ||
| 50% maybe? | ||
| Feels about right. | ||
| You got a dog? | ||
| I got a dog. | ||
| You got a dog? | ||
| No, Jamie's a solo lone wolf out there. | ||
| He is the dog. | ||
| Gets on top of the roof and howls at night. | ||
| I would say it's probably less than 50%. | ||
| Let's just take a guess. | ||
| You say 50? | ||
| I'm going to go with 40. I bet you in rural areas it's higher. | ||
| If you live in San Francisco in a studio apartment... | ||
| What does it say there, Jamie? | ||
| Pet ownership? | ||
| 67 million households had pets. | ||
| Yeah, but that could be like a turtle. | ||
| I want to know how many people have dogs. | ||
| 62% include at least one pet. | ||
| So that could be dogs, cats... | ||
| That's the 1970s. | ||
| There's not that many people back then. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| 70 to 80 million dogs. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Okay, so what is that? | ||
| So 37 to 40% of houses have dogs. | ||
| Yeah, so I was right, bitch. | ||
| I want to see how right we were on all that other bullshit. | ||
| The Kansas-Nebraska Act. | ||
| That's probably in the 70s. | ||
| The 1970s. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I could have been totally wrong. | ||
| But it makes sense that it's like 40%. | ||
| But it's not much different. | ||
| I mean, where they're talking about like 25%? | ||
| Is that what they were saying? | ||
| Had slaves? | ||
| Right. | ||
| 25% of the population? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Somewhere in that neighborhood? | ||
| Well, 300 and something thousand out of 1.6 million. | ||
| So one out of four. | ||
| Half the number of people that have dogs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| In relationship to the population. | ||
| That's madness. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| That's madness. | ||
| I mean, no wonder why black people are still pissed. | ||
| And they treat dogs better. | ||
| Oh, in some ways, sure. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| You beat a dog on TV? The fucking ASPCA will shut you down. | ||
| Today, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| That's why the 12 Years a Slave really hit me, because, you know, the thing that Tarantino did first, what was it called? | ||
| Django? | ||
| Django. | ||
| It was like, you know, there was a comic book element to it, so they were playing it big, but... | ||
| 12 Years a Slave was like, wow, yeah, they used to fucking beat and starve and rape them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It wasn't just that they were owned. | ||
| It was a Holocaust. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| It's terrifying that human beings are capable of doing that just a couple hundred years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Less. | ||
| Less than 200 years ago. | ||
| You think we'd ever do it again? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I think if things fell apart, I think if things fell apart, what I think is what we got now with electricity and air conditioning and civilization, laws and rules and a general amount of prosperity. | ||
| Like as bad as the economy is, as hard as it is to get a job for a lot of folks, there's a lot going on. | ||
| There's a lot of shit happening. | ||
| You might be able to find your way into this crazy mix of humanity that is, you know, an urban center in Los Angeles or Chicago or New York or whatever. | ||
| But there's a lot of shit happening. | ||
| A lot of shit happening. | ||
| But all that stuff needs electricity. | ||
| All that stuff needs... | ||
| You have to have the infrastructure has to be in place to get the people the food. | ||
| There has to be no stress at all. | ||
| You have to mitigate their stress in as many ways as possible. | ||
| Give them activities to do so they burn themselves out. | ||
| Then, and only then, can you have those kind of beautiful civil... | ||
| And we know that we're moving towards these kind of beautiful civilizations being everywhere. | ||
| That it's like, slowly but surely, we're gonna eradicate most of the violence and most of the bullshit that... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Asteroid impact, and there's just nothing left. | ||
| Or videotapes of cops beating black people again and again and again. | ||
| And again and again and again. | ||
| The other guy in Texas the other day, did you see that? | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
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The party? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck being a cop, dude. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| How about showing up at a pool party with a bunch of drunk kids and you gotta fucking wrangle them? | ||
| Do you remember when you were 17 or 18 or however old these guys are? | ||
| I don't know how old the pool party people were, but, you know, they're young. | ||
| Let's go any age between 18 to 30 and the cops show up and you're hammered. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| I remember one time we used to drink up at the bleachers behind the high school, typical Norman Rockwell scene, and the cops used to come up, and they'd have to get out of their car and cross the football field, and then we fucking scattered into the woods by then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But one time I waited down, because it was so, like, they came every night, and they went up, and I went into the car, and I took the hat. | ||
| You took the cop's hat? | ||
| I took the cop's hat. | ||
| Because you knew that they were going to go up the hill. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
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If there was Instagram today, you could wear pictures of it while you jerked off. | |
| Make a dummy and put the hat on and beat it. | ||
| Put the hat over your face. | ||
| Like, completely cover your face. | ||
| You see you whacking off into a sock. | ||
| While you're looking for your hat. | ||
| Here's the New York City Police Department for you. | ||
| You'd wear it whenever you'd fuck your girlfriend. | ||
| Put the hat on. | ||
| Pull over! | ||
| Yeah, you reenact the whole thing. | ||
| You get a siren, pull her over. | ||
| You see a license in your vagina. | ||
| Do that bad lieutenant scene. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| She sucks it. | ||
| You have to suck it to get out of the ticket. | ||
| Well, she like sucked her thumb, right? | ||
| Or did she suck his thumb? | ||
| I think she sucked his thumb, right? | ||
| Yeah, it was one of those, right? | ||
| Imagine, though, you're a bored cop down south. | ||
| You got fucking nothing to do all day. | ||
| And some Daisy Duke, you pull over some little Daisy Duke, she's scared. | ||
| She can't have her daddy find out she got a ticket. | ||
| She'll do anything. | ||
| Come on. | ||
|
unidentified
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Mmm. | |
| It's happened, for sure. | ||
| Your wife's fat because you live down south. | ||
| They get fat down there? | ||
| Some of them stay thin. | ||
| It's a new day. | ||
| The slaves. | ||
| It's the only ones. | ||
| No, they get a lot of starchy foods. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not their fault. | ||
| They fry everything. | ||
| They fry everything, and, you know, like, donuts are, like, you and I, when's the last time you ate a donut? | ||
| I had a donut recently. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| I had a Krispy Kreme about, I want to say a month ago. | ||
| They have them every day. | ||
| Yeah, you can't do that. | ||
| No. | ||
| I like a good blueberry muffin, though. | ||
| I'll allow myself a blueberry muffin. | ||
| Oh, when I'm on the road, I eat a blueberry muffin for breakfast three, four days a week. | ||
| They're so good. | ||
| They're so good, and they're really just cake. | ||
| Just cake. | ||
| Trekking yourself. | ||
| I'm like, look, I'm getting some antioxidants in here. | ||
| Fresh fruit. | ||
| Antioxidants. | ||
| It's a cake. | ||
| It's a breakfast cake. | ||
| It's all sugary and shit. | ||
| I don't eat the bottom part. | ||
| Remember Frank Santorelli had a bit. | ||
| He's like, I'm losing weight and you know, you got to be disciplined. | ||
| You got to take it seriously. | ||
| When I take the top off that Haagen-Dazs, you know how there's always a little bit of ice cream stuck to it? | ||
| I throw that right out. | ||
| So not only is it funny that there's barely any on there, but that it implies that he's going to finish the pint. | ||
| The rest of it. | ||
| Because he doesn't need the top anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
laughter laughter Frank Santos. | |
| No, Santorelli. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Santorelli. | |
| Santos was the hypnotist. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Frank Santarelli was a funny guy. | ||
| What's he up to? | ||
| We did that nice run of Sopranos. | ||
| And then, I don't know, man. | ||
| I know that very few guys had the delivery of that motherfucker. | ||
| What a pro. | ||
| What an in-control, eloquent guy. | ||
| Yeah, he was a very powerful performer. | ||
| It's always weird when you don't hear about a guy like that. | ||
| I always wonder, what is he up to? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Put on some weight. | ||
| The grind of getting over that initial hump. | ||
| That's one of the hardest things for a comic. | ||
| The grind of getting over that initial hump until you become a known national act where you work a lot. | ||
| Did you read that book? | ||
| I just got turned on to that book by Tom Dreesen. | ||
| It's called... | ||
| It's about the comedy store back in the 70s. | ||
| I'm going to get you a copy of this book. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Somebody brought it up. | ||
| Who brought that up? | ||
| It's called Don't Make Me Jumper. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Because it's about the guy who killed himself during the comedy strike at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| You know what the rudest thing that I ever heard about that guy? | ||
| What? | ||
| Everybody's like, he wasn't really that good. | ||
| That's why he jumped. | ||
|
unidentified
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Nobody cared if that guy jumped. | |
| Right. | ||
| And he was just like making it all about him. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| He's going to make a big statement. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| You don't pay the comics. | ||
| They're like, that guy didn't even work. | ||
| I'm dying up here, it's called. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I've heard the name. | ||
| Oh, I can't believe I remember. | ||
| It's like literally from day one, it traces the beginnings of the comedy store all the way through. | ||
| And the crazy thing is, here's how they describe it. | ||
| It's a room where the kind of down and dirty comics got together. | ||
| There was a back hallway where people were all talking, hitting on women that were going in and out of the bathroom, pot smoke everywhere. | ||
| I mean, it is to a T, from the 1970s to today, almost exactly the same. | ||
| I mean, that's incredible. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Did you audition? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't pass. | ||
| Here's what people don't understand. | ||
| Joe Rogan was a headliner with TV credits who was headlining all the New York clubs. | ||
| You come out to LA, you want to work the comedy store. | ||
| What's the process? | ||
| I had to do five minutes. | ||
| I did five minutes for Mitzi and she made me a non-paid regular. | ||
| So what that means is you get to go on at the end of the show. | ||
| Which is what time? | ||
| after The last set was 1230 that could have happened at any time between 1230 the Actual time it's scheduled to one ish depending on who shows up could be 130 I got on at 130 many times and I would get on and not get paid and just do the sets after Everybody was done and this is after you were an established headlining comedian. | ||
| I did it every night. | ||
| I did it every night Yeah, I said I just want this Like, I just felt like I just want her to know that I'm serious about this. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of respect for her. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| That place was mecca, man. | ||
| When we were starting out in Stitches, everybody would talk about the Comedy Store in L.A. with Hushed Whispers. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| It was more important to me to be a paid regular than it was to be on a sitcom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I really didn't. | ||
| The sitcom thing was great. | ||
| I was like, ooh, great. | ||
| I got money now. | ||
| This is awesome. | ||
| I don't have to worry about my bills anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whew! | |
| But it wasn't what I was really after. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What I was really after was a comedy store. | ||
| I was like, I gotta be a paid regular here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so I did those non-paid regular sets every fucking night until like three or four months later. | ||
| She sat down and looked at me again and there's a dude named The Todd... | ||
| And he's not around anymore. | ||
| He got real sick. | ||
| He had like a brain issue, like a tumor or something like that, like real bad. | ||
| And he got real sick. | ||
| It was really sad to watch because that guy is the reason I got into the Comedy Store. | ||
| Wait, what's his name again? | ||
| The Todd. | ||
| And he sat right next to Mitzi and he just laughed really hard at everything I did. | ||
| And he told me, he goes, dude, I hooked you up. | ||
| He goes, I sat next to Mitzi. | ||
| I told her you were brilliant and I laughed at all your jokes. | ||
| And he goes, that's how you got to do it. | ||
| If you want to get people in that are good, next time when someone comes by, like, you got to do that today. | ||
| And I was like, you got it. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| That's what you gotta do. | ||
| Once she likes you, and once she loves you, you become family. | ||
| Like, you can introduce her to funny people. | ||
| She'll listen. | ||
| But other than that, you could fucking, you could just not catch her. | ||
| You know, you could just not be there on the night she wanted to come in, or her health was slowly starting to fade. | ||
| At the time, she was still mobile, and she would talk to you, and she was very lucid. | ||
| You know, in 94, when I first started, she was very there. | ||
| She was there. | ||
| She would look at you and talk to you about comedy, and You know, knew what you were doing right and knew what you were doing wrong and knew where to put you. | ||
| But as time went on, you know, she came around less and less. | ||
| So it was harder and harder for the guys that were trying to get seen. | ||
| You know, the guys who were trying to get past. | ||
| Now it became someone else besides Minty that started past, you know. | ||
| And that was like a hard transition period. | ||
| And this would be like a 1230 on that she would be looking at people? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| She would have to schedule you on an open mic night. | ||
| I would go up every other night. | ||
| Every night, I could. | ||
| I would go. | ||
| You know, whenever I can get up. | ||
| I didn't get up every night. | ||
| Because some nights, maybe Damon Wayans will show up, or these other people show up. | ||
| Well, that was the wrap on the place. | ||
| Because when I first came out, I was... | ||
| I was always... | ||
| I don't know if I was intimidated or indignant about having to audition for Mitzi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I sort of got in at the other clubs, and then I just never did it. | ||
| And part of the reason, too, is I had heard... | ||
| That you could get bumped for an hour or two by like a Wayne brother stopping in. | ||
| And I was just like, you know what? | ||
| I just don't, I didn't want to do that. | ||
| There's this thing that comedians really, some comedians I should say, really like to do. | ||
| And that's like show up at a show whenever they want and just go on stage. | ||
| That's what they do every night. | ||
| They show up and they go on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
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And not for 10 minutes, then they go up for fucking 45. Some of them do. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It becomes this weird carte blanche. | ||
| Like, you're not even on the schedule and you just make it all about you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you could do that because you made it. | ||
| You know, it's really interesting. | ||
| I don't think there's any other business, an entertainment business in the world that's quite like that. | ||
| Like, I think if a band... | ||
| This band was playing in some local club, and they're doing their set, and the Black Keys showed up, and they just wanted to go up. | ||
| They'd be like, well, you can do it after the show's over. | ||
| We have a show. | ||
| I mean, I would imagine. | ||
| I'm just talking on mass. | ||
| No, like, Chappelle will do a club. | ||
| He'll call them on Wednesday and say, I want to do this weekend. | ||
| And he pays out the other acts on the show. | ||
| They can only tweet it, and then it sells out in a couple hours. | ||
| But, like, why not, like... | ||
| My whole thing is, if you stopped by at 9.20, right in the tit spot of the show, and you do 45, when did it occur to you that you might stop by? | ||
| Did it happen at noon, where you could have called in and accommodated people a little bit? | ||
| Or did you have to just show up right before you want to go on? | ||
| That's the power move. | ||
| You want to walk in and be the next act on the show. | ||
| Some people love doing that. | ||
| That's like their favorite thing. | ||
| They don't want to even call in for spots. | ||
| They just want to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And some guys will do it for 10 minutes, which is great. | ||
| Louis C.K. wants to stop in on my show that I'm on and do 10 minutes. | ||
| That's fucking great. | ||
| It jacks the crowd up. | ||
| It makes it a special night for them, and it's good for the club. | ||
| So I don't care, but do 10 minutes. | ||
| Yeah, it's just... | ||
| I think there's the one benefit in it for them is that if you become like super famous, like if you're like Louis C.K. stand-up comedy famous, and you have shows places, you're gonna get your crowd all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whereas if you just show up randomly, and no one knows you're gonna be there. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| That's the only time you're gonna get an impartial crowd. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Or, you know, semi-impartial crowd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, that's a good point. | ||
| I think that's very critical for a lot of guys in the development process because that's one of the things that Steve Martin said would like killed him and made him not want to do stand-up anymore. | ||
| He got so big when he was in that Let's Get Small era. | ||
| That era, he was a monster. | ||
| Maybe people don't know. | ||
| You need to go and listen to Let's Get Small. | ||
| I'm sure it's probably available online somewhere. | ||
| But it's an amazing album. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When Steve Martin was just on fire. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| He was so funny and so silly. | ||
| And so specific. | ||
| He had a voice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That you couldn't pinpoint what exactly his character was. | ||
| It was just like this kind of dumb, egotistical guy. | ||
| But he also had really absurd, almost Stephen Wright kind of thoughts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, dude, he was amazing. | ||
| Yeah, he really was. | ||
| People don't know how amazing he was. | ||
| That was his best work by far. | ||
| And it almost hurts my feelings that, I mean, he was a great actor and he did some great movies, but it almost hurts my feelings that he didn't stick with stand-up. | ||
| See, I don't think he's a great actor. | ||
| And I have the utmost respect for him, and I do think he probably affected me as much as any other comic when I first started out. | ||
| I saw him live and memorized all his albums. | ||
| But I don't know, I always found his acting to be a little self-conscious, a little stiff. | ||
| I've seen him in some really good things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd have to go over his IMDB to figure out what the fuck they were. | |
| But nothing was just... | ||
| We both agree to that. | ||
| Nothing as good as his stand-up. | ||
| No way. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The jerk. | ||
| He was great in the jerk. | ||
| He was great in the jerk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was really good in the jerk. | ||
| But that was the young Steve Martin that was still doing stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he had those... | ||
| Remember he had those little indie films he made before that? | ||
| There was Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| What was the other one? | ||
| Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Which was, I think, shot in black and white, and they used clips of old, like, film noir detective movies from, like, the 50s. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Steve Martin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What were the other ones? | |
| That guy was a fucking wizard, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He really was good. | ||
| He was really good when he was in his prime. | ||
| I was a little kid at the time, and my parents were into comedy albums. | ||
| My parents had the Cosby, I think, is it himself? | ||
| Bill Cosby himself? | ||
| It was a big record for him a long time ago. | ||
| Yeah, his first one was... | ||
| Himself. | ||
| That was the first one? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Whatever it was. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| The second one was... | ||
| Him and... | ||
| He would do the Noah's Ark thing. | ||
| Going to sleep with Bill Cosby. | ||
| That's a different one. | ||
| Nap time with Bill Cosby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here, you look tired, Bill Cosby. | |
| Hey, hey, hey. | ||
| Has there ever been a public figure that has gone from being one of the most loved of all time? | ||
| Like, Bill Cosby, pre-rape accusations, was one of the most loved guys. | ||
| Yeah, but Michael Jackson... | ||
| It was never definitive. | ||
| He was always weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was always weird. | ||
| Bill Cosby was like the voice of, like he was moral. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was like this sweet grandpa type character that didn't want you using bad language. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Like how crazy is he? | ||
| He was probably the guy who's gotten more of those honorary doctorates. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's the honorary doctorate guy. | ||
| He definitely has at least one of those because I know he was asking people to refer to him as Dr. Cosby. | ||
| I always thought he was just fucking around though. | ||
| Apparently his ego was out of control. | ||
| I know this guy that used to do all of his day-to-day, like he was the assistant to the agent who had to actually deal with it. | ||
| That dude had three full-time houses, one in Colorado, one in New York, one in LA. Each one had a chef And a maid and a driver, all on call. | ||
| Like, literally on call, because he had his own jet, and he would do a gig in St. Louis, and none of the three houses knew which house he was going to go to that night. | ||
| He would just fucking go. | ||
| And you had to be ready. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Food stocked, house clean, ready to roll. | ||
| That's pretty badass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm not saying I would ever live like that. | ||
| That's a lot of overhead. | ||
| It'd be a lot of pressure. | ||
| It's a lot of overhead. | ||
| And the kind of houses he's living in, too, like Jesus Christ. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I bet he made a shit ton of money on The Cosby Show, because that was his show. | ||
| Oh, he owned that show. | ||
| He owned it. | ||
| And he also owns Fat Albert. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| And you can't even find that anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Try finding Fat Albert. | ||
| Where the fuck is Fat Albert? | ||
| You never hear about that anymore. | ||
| He didn't buy the Little Rascals? | ||
| He bought the Little Rascals? | ||
| Didn't he? | ||
| Or was that a rumor? | ||
| Was that snoped? | ||
| I think that might be one of those snoped things. | ||
| But the thing is, you've got to look at the guy's touring schedule. | ||
| He has never let up. | ||
| He has done 200 nights a year where he's making... | ||
| What is Cosby good for? | ||
| I mean, in his prime, he was good for $100,000. | ||
| At least. | ||
| 100 grand a night, right? | ||
| At least. | ||
| Two shows on a week. | ||
| He would be in Phoenix one night, Tucson the next, flying to each place. | ||
| Oh, you Snopes'd it right when I was Snopes'ing it. | ||
| Okay, it's false. | ||
| Didn't we cover this before? | ||
| I feel like we covered this on an earlier podcast, because I was remembering it. | ||
| I was like, man, I feel like that's been Snopes'd. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's false. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| So where are those fucking videos then? | ||
| Where are they? | ||
| Because they're weird. | ||
| They're weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're weird. | |
| They're really good. | ||
| They're a weird slice of Americana. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it was a fucking... | ||
| These were like ghetto kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were the likable black ghetto kids. | ||
| So Bill Cosby never owned any part of the Little Rascals. | ||
| Never earned any part of the rights to the Little Rascals. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Where the fuck are those videos then? | ||
| They should release those. | ||
| Those things are time capsules. | ||
| You're looking into a different style of human. | ||
| Right. | ||
| My kids got into Popeye recently. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| I played Popeye for them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, the really old ones from the 30s. | ||
| Some of them sponsored by the NRA, by the way. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The beginning of Popeye, there's a fucking NRA logo. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| The National Rifle Association helped sponsor Popeye in the 1930s. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| This is a different era. | ||
| And Mike, we were watching and we were like, Jesus Christ, it's so fucking violent. | ||
| Like, it's all violence. | ||
| Everyone's trying to steal. | ||
| Bluto's always trying to rape. | ||
| Bluto's always trying to rape olive oil. | ||
| And Popeye has to beat the fuck out of him. | ||
| And this is every day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, blow me down! | |
| He's always getting fucking hit in the head with flower pots and shit. | ||
| Well, they're sailors. | ||
| It's the sailor world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| Rapey. | ||
| I've watched... | ||
| Can you imagine Olive Oil getting raped? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Well, she's like rope. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| You can't hold on to her. | ||
| She's like... | ||
| She moves like a snake. | ||
| She doesn't have any articulating joints. | ||
| Everything just moves. | ||
| That style of cartoon is so weird. | ||
| Everybody's arms were like ropes. | ||
| Especially Olive Oil. | ||
| There was no joint. | ||
| It wasn't like they bent at the knee. | ||
| No, they moved all over the place. | ||
| She was super anorexic. | ||
| The Ogling of Isle of Oil. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| I don't think that's the original either. | ||
| That seems like much more recent stuff. | ||
| The really old stuff is the black and white stuff. | ||
| And that's a lot of the stuff that I've been watching. | ||
| It's real weird because the way they move too is like it's real hand animated. | ||
| So like it's not very smooth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they bounce back and forth like while they don't just stand there and talk. | ||
| They have like a little dance that they do. | ||
| They lean back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. | ||
| Just to create a sense of movement. | ||
| I don't know why they're doing it, but it's interesting to watch. | ||
| It's such a unique and specific style of cartooning. | ||
| And you realize, well, this is the original style. | ||
| Films had only been around for a few decades when they were doing this. | ||
| This is really, really, really, really new stuff. | ||
| The early Disney stuff, it looks like they took a notebook. | ||
| You know when you write the pictures on each page? | ||
| That's what it looked like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's probably why he was bouncing around. | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it was just much less specific. | ||
| I mean, I don't even know how many people they had working on those things, but how long must it have taken to make one of those cartoons back then? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| But those cells are worth a lot of money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Those first cells of Disney. | ||
| Probably worth millions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably millions, right? | ||
| Yeah, I got a Simpsons cell. | ||
| They're not that hard to get. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You got a Simpson cell? | ||
| Yeah, well, because every episode is made up of fucking thousands of cells. | ||
| So they sell all of them? | ||
| Sam Simon gave me one. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Somebody gave me a cell from the American Werewolf in London. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| Yeah, that's pretty dope. | ||
| Just to have a piece of that. | ||
| My son, he wants my list of movies, so we watched Scarface together two nights ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That was badass. | ||
| Because I watched that fucking movie every Friday night for probably a year and a half. | ||
| Me and my buddies would get together, get high, drink beer, and watch Scarface. | ||
| And just recite it. | ||
| What was that episode of the Larry David show, Curb Your Enthusiasm, where he had a rapper that he was hanging around with? | ||
| He had a wonky eye. | ||
| What was the evil eye? | ||
| Crazy Eye Killer. | ||
| Crazy Eye Killer. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And that's all he did is he watched Scarface. | ||
| He had Scarface playing above his bed 24-7. | ||
| Oh no, it's huge in the rap world. | ||
| You know, Scarface is it. | ||
| The bad guy was the winner. | ||
| He was the hero. | ||
| What other movie ever has there been where a coke-smuggling immigrant who was a prisoner in Cuba, murderer, is the hero of the movie? | ||
| Well, The Godfather, but that's the same thing. | ||
| These rappers are into The Godfather, Goodfellas, Scarface, anything gang-related. | ||
| These are all the movies my son wants to see because he listens to this hardcore rap. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| And I don't want to be the guy who goes, that music, you know, I just like, alright, I guess that's what he's listening to. | ||
| Nothing I can do about it. | ||
| He's a young white point. | ||
| He wants to be legit. | ||
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Rough. | ||
| It's rough action, man. | ||
| A lot of his friends are black. | ||
| None of his friends? | ||
| No, a lot of his friends are black. | ||
| Oh, a lot of his friends are. | ||
| And his first little girlfriend was black. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| One of those, huh? | ||
| She was cute. | ||
| Does your kid want to be a rapper? | ||
| No. | ||
| Was it Tom Hanks' son that wants to be a rapper? | ||
| Tom Hanks' son shows up his pistols. | ||
| He shows up his pistols in his Instagram. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, dude, your dad's Forrest Gump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| Just shut the fuck up. | ||
| Don't tell me about the hard life in Bel Air that you led. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's certain shit you can't be a gangster rapper when you're Tom Hanks' son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And trying to prove yourself a gangster rapper, you're going to wind up in jail. | ||
| You better be careful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You better not try to be legit. | ||
| Because you're going to overcompensate. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Well, what are Will Smith's kids like? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| I mean, they rap, right? | ||
| Well, doesn't one of his kids believe that the world is an illusion or some shit? | ||
| Sounds about right. | ||
| He says ridiculous shit on his Twitter page that people retweet all the time and go, L-O-L-W-U-T. Oh, shit. | ||
| That kind of shit, right? | ||
| Yeah, Jaden, he just deleted his Twitter yesterday, though. | ||
| Oh, because people are being mean? | ||
| Oh, that sucks! | ||
| People are being mean to him? | ||
| The kid's got a creative imagination. | ||
| Yeah, let him out. | ||
| Apparently, you know, I've talked to people that, like, worked with Will Smith, and they said, that guy's a genius. | ||
| Said he just reads constantly. | ||
| It's like stacks of books he flies around with. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everywhere he goes is constantly reading. | ||
| He's a consummate gentleman. | ||
| Like, I've never heard a bad word about that guy. | ||
| No. | ||
| Super, super, super nice guy, apparently. | ||
| This one dude I know, Johnny Mack, he's this real fucking gangster. | ||
| He was in jail for a bunch of years, but he's a writer. | ||
| He wrote on Martin and he wrote on Fresh Prince. | ||
| And he said that they hired him because they wanted Fresh Prince to have a little bit more legitimacy in the black world, so they hired this fucking gangster to write on the show, Johnny Mac. | ||
| And so he comes in, and I forget what happened, but Will Smith kept shitting on him, because he was the cool guy, and I think he maybe felt a little threatened by him. | ||
| And he did something, and Johnny Mac just fucking picked him up, put him against the wall by his neck, and scared the shit out of him. | ||
| And he never said anything to him again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Is that true, though? | ||
| According to Johnny Mac. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Who's this Johnny Mac character? | ||
| Great dude. | ||
| Love Johnny Mac. | ||
| Funny as shit. | ||
| He's one of these guys that, like, he's part of Jamie Foxx's crew and, like, always has on, like, $300 sneakers that he got at one of these tent, you know, where celebrities go to the tent making some free shit. | ||
| Those tents are glorious. | ||
| Yeah, they're great. | ||
| But Johnny works it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dudes will go and stack up at those tents. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Sometimes they give away watches and shit. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jewelry. | |
| Watches, trips. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those things are weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The representatives are all like super smiling. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Super ingratiating. | ||
| If you don't know what we're talking about, there's these things they do at like award shows sometimes, especially. | ||
| Well, they'll have like a tent and all the celebrities- It'll be like the day before the award show. | ||
| Do they do it the day before? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, it depends. | ||
| At the award show itself, I think they give out baskets, but I know that Nike has a giant tent in Marina Del Rey, and it's always the day before the award show. | ||
| You come in, and you walk in, and you pick out the base shoe that you want, what color stripes, what color laces. | ||
| Well, Nike had a whole place that you could go to. | ||
| Well, I guess it was like that, but it was free. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had a whole place you could go to that they would send celebrities. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they had that. | ||
| It was 24-7. | ||
| Oh, is that right? | ||
| It was all year-round. | ||
| Not 24-7, but they had hours. | ||
| But this lady, Tracy, used to work there. | ||
| She was so nice. | ||
| She gave me free sneakers for most of my time on TV. Nikes? | ||
| They would just give you free Nikes. | ||
| You'd show up. | ||
| Or they would send them to you. | ||
| They'd send you the latest styles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just want you to be wearing shit like that. | ||
| There was this company up in San Francisco called Upper Playground. | ||
| You ever heard of them? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's real cool, kind of like Keith Haring graffiti art type of stuff. | ||
| A little bit hip-hop, but not oversized and all that. | ||
| But they used to outfit a bunch of the comics, and it was great. | ||
| I'd go on Best Week Ever with a fucking UP on my chest, and I would just get boxes of sweatshirts and Shirts and hats. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| Well, you remember when, like, Von Dutch became popular? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because Ashton Kutcher used to wear those hats? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| Like, the Von Dutch thing was like a collective hypnosis. | ||
| Like, everybody got hypnotized by, like, one of the dumbest looks possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A big, goofy trucker hat with the words Von Dutch on it. | ||
| Didn't make any sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it became super desirable. | ||
| Why do you think it did? | ||
| Maybe because of Ashton Kutcher. | ||
| He's a beautiful man. | ||
| He's a perfect bone structure. | ||
| Maybe they wanted to be like him. | ||
| Maybe it looked cool on him in his ironic fashion style of, you know, having his hat on sideways like he doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He's wearing a trucker hat. | ||
| He's not even trying. | ||
| He's not wearing the perfect fitted ball cap that has sequins around the ridge of the brim. | ||
| No, he's wearing like a goofy looking hat. | ||
| His hair's a little bit shaggy. | ||
| On purpose. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Perfect. | |
| He nailed it. | ||
| Boy, did that guy nail it. | ||
| He's good looking enough that he could look like shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And still be amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| So a trucker hat was like a way of showing that, you know, like he didn't give a fuck. | ||
| I'll just put this on. | ||
| So how worried I am about my looks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And in wearing that trucker hat with that Von Dutch logo, like he looked good. | ||
| And so then all of a sudden these monkeys started buying it. | ||
| Monkey see, monkey do. | ||
| And everybody's wearing these goddamn shirts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And it was weird and it lasted for a while, man. | ||
| It was like a frenzy for like a year or a year and a half or so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bless you. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| It also kind of spun out into a whole style where guys would wear boots, like military kind of boots or construction boots that were already, you'd buy them used all beat up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, beat up. | |
| And jeans that were beat up and, you know, gas station shirts. | ||
| Well, that's a big thing with women is buying pants that are just ripped to shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, already. | ||
| Like, the moment you buy them. | ||
| The moment you buy them at the store or get them, you know, a lot of people buy things online now. | ||
| They don't even go to stores. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they're already torn apart. | ||
| Like, there's holes all over them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What is that? | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Imagine showing that to Abraham Lincoln. | ||
| Well, it's like vintage, like, I like vintage concert t-shirts. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because I like the bands. | ||
| But otherwise, weathered clothing that's purposefully weathered, it just feels to me like, alright, you're spoiled, you don't work with your hands, and you're trying to make up for it by wearing some work shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird that it works. | ||
| Let me feel your hands for a second. | ||
| I want to see if you got any fucking calluses on your hand. | ||
| See, but on the other hand, like with a girl, I like it. | ||
| Because I like seeing their legs poking out all over the pants. | ||
| You know, there's big gaps in it. | ||
| You see all the skin. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| It's like, ooh, look, their legs are right there underneath all this craziness. | ||
| You can see her skin in a bunch of different areas. | ||
| Like the same way I like seeing women in dresses. | ||
| Or skirts. | ||
| Like women in skirts, it's hot. | ||
| So basically just the less clothes. | ||
| I just like legs. | ||
| That's the theme. | ||
| You like legs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Girls like very muscular, athletic legs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Feminine. | |
| I was telling you, I did this. | ||
| I'm strong. | ||
| Jamie's getting hard. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Get the camera on you. | ||
| I did this charity. | ||
| It was a golf tournament yesterday. | ||
| And I was playing golf with this chick. | ||
| Her name was Amy Garcia. | ||
| And you might know her. | ||
| She was in the George Lopez show and Dexter. | ||
| And now she's the lead in this Rushmore show that's coming out. | ||
| So she was in my foursome. | ||
| And man, does she have great legs. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And all day long, she's just like 10 feet in front of me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Standing over that ball. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Goddamn! | |
| And the position that you have to get in to putt, right? | ||
| Bend over a little bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Gotta pick up that ball and pick up that ball. | ||
| Anyway, cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| And cool as shit. | ||
| Like one of those girls that's like one of the guys that knows a lot about sports. | ||
| That's always nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's always nice. | ||
| We can find that. | ||
| Good luck, Amy, with the new show. | ||
| I hope Rushmore's a hit. | ||
| And congratulations on your legs. | ||
| Great legs. | ||
| Craig Simmons is very happy with your legs. | ||
| He's Puerto Rican. | ||
| But a dude wearing pants like that, you want to smack him right in the mouth. | ||
| Pants like what? | ||
| With holes all over your fucking pants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why do you got those crazy holes all over your pants? | |
| What are you doing? | ||
| You did it on purpose? | ||
| You bought those? | ||
| What are you, Bon Jovi? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Are you Bon Jovi? | ||
| Are you Bon Jovi? | ||
| You're not Bon Jovi, right? | ||
| Why are you wearing those fucking pants? | ||
| Unless you're on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shout to the heart! | |
| And you're to blame. | ||
| You give love a bad name. | ||
| Dude, you went to one of those concerts once. | ||
| Oh, I was working. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I remember you telling me. | |
| I was working at one of those concerts. | ||
| I was working at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts, and I walked into the arena. | ||
| Oh, no shit. | ||
| As I was walking into the arena, he did that Shout Through the Heart. | ||
| That's how they opened up the concert. | ||
| You never heard anything like it in your life. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| The wail of ecstasy that those women screamed out. | ||
| And a lot of men. | ||
| A lot of men wailed, too. | ||
| Sure they did. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| No, but I'll tell you what. | ||
| It was a transformative moment. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Because I remember thinking very clearly, like, wow, what a wild thing these guys have done. | ||
| They've made a bunch of sounds. | ||
| And they put it together in a way that like rhymes and has this rhythm to it and then they release it and it has such an impact on the people that hear it that they just played this In this giant arena at Great Woods, I don't know what it seeded, like, more than 10,000 people, I think. | ||
| It's a big fucking place. | ||
| And the place erupted. | ||
| It was just this roar. | ||
| You could hear it out in the parking lot. | ||
| And I was walking in with these other security guys, and we were like, whoa, holy shit. | ||
| Like, people went nuts. | ||
| It became a body. | ||
| They became beyond themselves. | ||
| You become a part of the energy. | ||
| I mean, that's a great thing about... | ||
| First of all, I fucking love music, and I'm so moved by certain music. | ||
| Like, if I go to a Bruce Springsteen concert, and he starts singing a song that's meaningful to me, and I know that the other 50,000 people are feeling the same thing, that's an incredible feeling. | ||
| It's just really transcendent. | ||
| It is, and it's like... | ||
| Any other sort of performing art that you're witnessing, if you're witnessing someone who's really nailing it with a bunch of other people, it makes it better for some reason. | ||
| If you're watching a guy play a guitar solo and he's just nailing it, and you're like, God damn! | ||
| If you were there when Hendrix was at the Roxy in 1960, whatever, you would be with a bunch of people that were watching something special, and it's somehow or another better than watching it by yourself. | ||
| Well, it's almost like if it's a band you really know, it's almost like I'm, like just now when I said Bruce Springsteen, I was like, I wonder if Joe likes Bruce Springsteen, because some people fucking hate him. | ||
| I don't get that. | ||
| You can't deny that some of his fucking albums, some of his songs are amazing. | ||
| Jungle Land is the greatest song of all time. | ||
| Dude, he had a bunch of fantastic songs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Brilliant Disguise, when he married that really hot chick and it didn't work out. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And he put out that Brilliant Disguise song. | ||
| Jesus, that's a fucking sorrowful song. | ||
| I mean, that's a real song, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy was, and still is, a bad motherfucker. | ||
| But what about after 9-11, he wrote The Rising? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And remember they played it with the, they had a choir sing it in front of the White House on, I think, it was an inauguration day? | ||
| Yeah, Jesus Christ. | ||
| That was powerful. | ||
| I might have cried. | ||
| Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| I mean, he had a bunch of stuff that was just, you know, like Anthony Cumia would always mock it, you know, the whole garage, I'm a blue-collar guy, down-to-earth, making ends meet. | ||
| Meanwhile, he's like a multi-multi-millionaire, but that was the type of shit that he sang about. | ||
| But if you get past that, like, some of his stuff... | ||
| Well, Dylan was, you know, he's always saying for the working man. | ||
| He's got money. | ||
| I think it's folk music. | ||
| Dylan did it in a way that, you know, it was, I don't know, it was a little flatter or something like that. | ||
| Didn't have the emotion or the... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think it was more of a nod to folk music, like old hobo kind of music. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And whereas Springsteen, I think, was more of like, you know, arena rock. | ||
| He was looking for the big ballad, the big operatic song, like Rosalita or Thunder Road, that you could sing in a fucking, you know, in a giant stadium and blow the place out. | ||
| Well, how about the river, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| When that came out, I was in high school when that came out. | ||
| It was my first year in high school in 81. And I remember that song came out, and everybody's jaws dropped. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I got Mary pregnant, and man, that was all she wrote. | ||
| Dude, it was so depressing. | ||
| For my 19th birthday, I got a union card and a wedding coat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Great line. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Yeah, and there was this message from a lot of his songs, and that message was this confusion and angst that you're having in your youth literally might be the freest you ever are for the rest of your life. | ||
| And from here on out, it's just this horrible struggle to try to stay sane and try to avoid your vices and keep your job and keep away from the heroin and the booze. | ||
| Keep the romance in your relationship. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And almost no one was doing it in his songs. | ||
| The songs were all pain. | ||
| That is so true, what you just said. | ||
| It's about this moment right now. | ||
| It always is. | ||
| It's about, you know, that tonight, let's live for tonight, you know, born to run. | ||
| Live tonight. | ||
| I don't, tomorrow's not going to be good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, what was the line? | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| Born in the USA is probably the most ironically misused song ever. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, how many people have used that as, like, a pro-America? | ||
| Republican politicians. | ||
| I mean, just him singing it overpowers the actual content of the song, which is very anti-war, which he was. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It's about a guy's life falling apart. | ||
| Because of the war and that the war was a mistake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's so many good songs, man. | ||
| Anybody that doesn't sing... | ||
| I'm looking at his shit. | ||
| Human Touch, Tunnel of Love, Streets of Philadelphia. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Goddamn Thunder Road. | ||
| That was a fucking song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jesus. | ||
| Then you go back to Darkness on the Edge of Town, which was a really dark, biblical album. | ||
| You know, all of Adam raised a cane and all this, like, you know... | ||
| Just really about your relationship to your dad, a lot of it is, and whether or not you're going to take over your dad's life, you're going to lead your own life. | ||
| The dancing in the dark held him back. | ||
| That's what fucked everybody up. | ||
| Yeah, he got a little poppy. | ||
| He got a little silly. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Got a little silly, started dancing and shit, and everybody went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! | ||
| Where's the fucking river, bro? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Where's the river? | ||
| We're going down to the river? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are we doing? | |
| Are we committing suicide or are we dancing in the dark? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's like Billy Joel when he did Uptown Girl. | ||
| Oh, that was the worst. | ||
| Same thing though, right? | ||
| Well, I think Billy Joel went through a real hard period when he started getting together with Christie Brinkley. | ||
| Because a man like that is not supposed to fuck a woman like that in nature, okay? | ||
| And what happens is, when you're fucking a girl who's an undeniable 10, and you're this very amazingly talented singer and piano player, but you know that in the wild that woman is not going to take you... | ||
| She's gonna be with some Viking or something. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| She's this giant supermodel. | ||
| I mean, she's just stunning and perfect in every way. | ||
| And he became a bitch for a little bit. | ||
| Uptown girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's been living in an uptown world. | |
| Got to give the guy some credit, though. | ||
| I mean, first of all, as a musician, he's amazing. | ||
| There's songs that people don't talk about, like the ballad of Billy the Kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a fucking great song. | ||
| That's a great song. | ||
| Scenes from an Italian restaurant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Goddamn, dude. | ||
| I think Just the Way You Are may be the most beautiful love song of all time. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| He's one of the all-time greats. | ||
| He just fell apart when he got a 10. He fell apart for a little bit. | ||
| I think he got sober. | ||
| I think he was really... | ||
| Remember, you got a couple DUIs. | ||
| Fucking sobriety. | ||
| But, you know, he's selling out Madison Square Garden once a month, every fucking month. | ||
| Of course he is. | ||
| He can do that anytime he wants for the rest of his life. | ||
| Takes his car in from his house, takes him 45 minutes, and then he goes home that night after selling out the garden. | ||
| He's Billy fucking Jewel. | ||
| He deserves it. | ||
| He earned it. | ||
| But isn't that the way to do it? | ||
| If you make it that big and you love what you do, but you don't want to travel on the road? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just going to go down the street to the garden once a month. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He lives on Long Island, down on the ocean. | ||
| Yeah, he's in the Hamptons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He lives right on the ocean somewhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, does he? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's his thing, man. | ||
| He likes fixing his motorcycles, riding motorcycles around. | ||
| He apparently broke his arm really bad riding his motorcycles. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Hands all fucked up. | ||
| He couldn't play piano? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Still plays the shit out of piano. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But he rides motorcycles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He's taking chances. | ||
| He's a risky fucker. | ||
| Well, they say that the muscles that you develop when you play piano or guitar, like your left fingers when you play guitar, that you actually build up muscles in your brain that allow it to be stronger and it probably recovers better because of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| I was just reading that because... | ||
| You know, talking about... | ||
| There was this op-ed piece in the Times where this woman was talking about she resents Caitlyn Jenner for talking about how she was always in the wrong body and that she's really a woman. | ||
| Because at the same time... | ||
| So that's acknowledging that the male brain and the female brain are different. | ||
| But these same feminists will tell you, if you try to say that they're different in the academic world, you'll get fucking annihilated. | ||
| Because they don't want you to distinguish that they're any different, that they aren't capable of doing what men can do. | ||
| And so they try to say, you can't... | ||
| You're a fucking... | ||
| You're a pig if you say that women are different. | ||
| But then with Caitlyn, you go, oh no, she's got the female brain. | ||
| Well, which is it? | ||
| Well, I don't think they're saying that they're not different. | ||
| I think they're saying that whatever differences they have are not intellectual. | ||
| There might be differences of philosophies or sexuality, but not as far as intellectual capacity. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's the issue. | ||
| That's like the big feminist issue, is that they're treated equal with intellectual capacity, but not necessarily equal in behavior standards. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't say better, I said different. | ||
| And that's the point of this article, is that you build up muscles as a female because you're not picked on the sports team, and then you're not paid as much, and then you have to give birth, and you have to be afraid of being raped all the time, which is something we don't even think about. | ||
| And so you develop muscles in your brain that make you... | ||
| Obviously not really muscles in your brain. | ||
| No, I think the neurons just develop pathways that make it more effective. | ||
| And men develop their brains differently. | ||
| And so to say that Bruce Jenner, who had the benefit of being a lauded athlete and a multi-million dollar spokesman, whatever else he did, he got as a man. | ||
| And that to now say he's a female is like, no, because you don't have all those other pathways that we built up as a woman. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| You still have a male brain. | ||
| But if a female lived a very male style of life from the time that she was really young, if she grew up in a house with all brothers in a rural area, Where she wasn't really allowed access to express herself in, you know, your traditional female way. | ||
| And she's living with these men, essentially, and boys. | ||
| And she develops her own pathways in a very different way. | ||
| You know, I mean, she's still a woman. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, and so it's like I think like making these hardcore distinctions like I've heard people say Both sides I've heard them argue that Bruce Jenner is a hero I've heard them argue that this is a freak show and that America is in such a rush to be more and more progressive that we're ignoring the like some really key facts about him and his situation First of all that he was crazy enough to marry that woman. | ||
| Yeah and and do that reality Right. | ||
| And have that microscope down on the slide. | ||
| Which is pretty disgraceful. | ||
| And two, that he wasn't paying attention recently and plowed into a woman's car with his fucking truck, sent her into traffic, and she died because of it. | ||
| She was killed directly because of him hitting her and pushing her into oncoming traffic. | ||
| A person is not on earth anymore because of this carelessness. | ||
| And no one is talking about that at all. | ||
| I mean, that's a real issue with people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We hope that it's not us that makes a mistake like that. | ||
| It's a horrible mistake to make. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But how is that not as important? | ||
| Or why is this a big thing about gender only? | ||
| How about about contrition for this accident? | ||
| How about sayings? | ||
| Like how important it is to pay attention all the time while you're driving. | ||
| I'm so sorry that a life is not here because of my error. | ||
| It is my error and I think it could have been avoided if I was paying attention and I didn't plow into this lady. | ||
| It could have been avoided. | ||
| It is possible to avoid it. | ||
| That haunts me. | ||
| You know what haunts me? | ||
| I'm a woman. | ||
| Well, the other thing that he should apologize for is the fact that he put out this message, this Kardashian message to all young women to be a fucking stupid, whorish, money-driven, you know, and then dating outside the race, all the things that they're propagating. | ||
| I like how you snuck that in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You snuck that in there good. | |
| There's people right now listening. | ||
| I knew Fitzsimmons was one of us. | ||
| If you took all my quotes like that and you stacked them together, I would be so fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, fortunately, we don't have to worry about that anymore. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| No one cares anymore. | ||
| No one cares anymore and you can have a podcast. | ||
| You could explain yourself. | ||
| If you've got quoted like that a long time ago and you didn't have a podcast, you couldn't explain yourself in context of what exactly was going on, how you're fucking around, yeah, that shit could ruin you. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I have guests come out all the time on my podcast and they're just like... | ||
| Can you cut out that thing? | ||
| I'm like, no, I can't. | ||
| I usually will, but I try to talk them out of it. | ||
| But especially people that are straight actors, they get very concerned because they come out and then they realize they have a publicist and that things can be taken out of context and they all of a sudden get weird. | ||
| I had this woman on from Transparent. | ||
| You know that show Transparent? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's the Transgender Show. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I think it's on Amazon Prime. | ||
| Who is the star of it? | ||
| The guy from... | ||
| Jeffrey Tambor? | ||
| Jeffrey Tambor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's awesome. | |
| Who's going to win the Emmy this year for that. | ||
| He is awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Incredible. | |
| That guy's amazing. | ||
| The show's great. | ||
| But you think of all people... | ||
| We were talking about transgender issues. | ||
| And she got a little squirmish when we came out. | ||
| They'll come after you. | ||
| They'll come after you. | ||
| Any impropriety. | ||
| Anything where you don't stick to the lines. | ||
| You shouldn't even say him and her anymore. | ||
| You're supposed to say them and they. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, and you're not supposed to... | ||
| Only some people. | ||
| Some people prefer her. | ||
| Bruce Jenner up to recently preferred him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are we really supposed to call him Caitlyn now? | ||
| I don't find that a hard transition. | ||
| Calling him Caitlyn Jenner? | ||
| Yeah, fuck it. | ||
| I don't find it hard, but I want to hear it out of his mouth. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| I want you to say, call me Caitlyn. | ||
| Just make a video, and I'll start calling you Caitlyn. | ||
| Until then... | ||
| I want bus stop signs. | ||
| Call me Caitlyn. | ||
| I don't think it should be on the front of a magazine. | ||
| Call me Caitlyn. | ||
| The fucking picture he took, that's another thing people take issue with. | ||
| Did you have to come out as a wafy, model-y chick? | ||
| You couldn't have been just a woman? | ||
| Like a strong woman? | ||
| You had to be this sort of submissive model type? | ||
| That's his fantasy. | ||
| By the way. | ||
| If you didn't know that was Bruce Jenner, and you were left alone in a cabin for a weekend, and you just turned to it. | ||
| Well, unless I turned to it through Photoshop, I'd probably be able to see immediately what it really looked like. | ||
| Do you think that she looks anything like that fucking photograph? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, but I could have beat off to that photograph, and that scares me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whatever they did to her face, that's not healed yet. | ||
| No. | ||
| She's 65. When you're 65 years old, it takes a long fucking time for bone shaving to heal. | ||
| They did some sort of 12-hour feminizing operation on her face, allegedly. | ||
| Again, I want to hear her say it. | ||
| Call me Caitlyn. | ||
| I'm going by the last interview. | ||
| The last interview said that he preferred the he pronoun and he preferred Bruce. | ||
| Bruce Jenner. | ||
| But he's a woman. | ||
| Has he talked about genital mutilation yet? | ||
| It's not that. | ||
| It's sexual reassignment surgery, you fucking cisgendered ass fuck. | ||
| Excuse me everybody, we're reassigning. | ||
| You shit lord. | ||
| You shit lord. | ||
| And you know what else they call it? | ||
| You don't call it a vagina anymore. | ||
| You call it the front hole. | ||
| I think you might be making this up. | ||
| I swear to Christ, the front hole. | ||
| Oh, fuck me with my front hole. | ||
| If a woman even says fuck you in her vagina, you'd be like, what? | ||
| Or the internal organ, my internal organ. | ||
| That would be really specific. | ||
| Maybe if you're dating a biologist. | ||
| But isn't every single organ internal? | ||
| No, your skin's an organ. | ||
| Oh, yeah, right. | ||
| Good one, Rogan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| I think, yeah, anything other than pussy is unacceptable. | ||
| Eat my pussy. | ||
| That's what you want to hear. | ||
| Pussy's so perfect. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| And most women love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Perfect. | |
| They love saying pussy. | ||
| They should. | ||
| We love it. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| You know who says it great? | ||
| All due respect. | ||
| Natasha Leggero. | ||
| She knows how to say pussy. | ||
| I bet she does. | ||
| With that little character that she does, that little... | ||
| She's just adorable. | ||
| She's hilarious, too. | ||
| Yeah, she's so talented. | ||
| She's very, very smart. | ||
| Very smart, very funny, very quick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm surprised she's not huge. | ||
| How did she not get huge? | ||
| I mean, not that she won't still, but she should have been huge already. | ||
| You know who's gonna be huge? | ||
| T.J. Miller. | ||
| No. | ||
| Christina Pazitzky. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw her fucking destroy the other night at the Comedy Store. | ||
| My jaw was hanging open. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| I said, you might be one of the funniest women that's ever walked the face of the planet. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| She might be opening it for me on Saturday. | ||
| The set that I saw her, I'm like, I'm trying to figure out who has more poignant points, who has more, like, big laughs, who has more energy on stage. | ||
| I'm like, she's right up there with anybody I've ever seen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's fucking funny as shit, dude. | ||
| She's really funny. | ||
| I gotta watch her whole set again. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| She's coming down. | ||
| I'm doing a set. | ||
| I'm doing that thing that we did at the belly room. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| At the Comedy Store? | ||
| Saturday, 10.30. | ||
| Come on down. | ||
| I asked for her to open for me. | ||
| I'm not sure if that's confirmed, but she may be doing it. | ||
| But I'll be doing an hour of new material. | ||
| Go to my website, click on Comedy Store, and come fill it up. | ||
| Yeah, that is the 11th or the 13th? | ||
| That is the Saturday night. | ||
| 13th, right. | ||
| Yeah, you're gonna love it, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do it all the time. | |
| We did it together. | ||
| I opened for you there. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| You're gonna love doing it on your own. | ||
| You can reach out and touch everybody. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's 90 seats. | ||
| Can I give you my other dates? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Cleveland. | ||
| I'm coming, baby! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus Christ. | |
| Hilarities. | ||
| June 18th through 20th. | ||
| How great is that club? | ||
| It's a great club. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Dr. Grin's in Grand Rapids, Michigan, June 25 through 27. And then I got dates coming up in Houston, Boston, etc. | ||
| Fitzdog.com. | ||
| Fitzdog.com, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Also, I got a TV show I'm on. | ||
| True TV. Season 2. How to Be a Grown-Up. | ||
| It's us. | ||
| Christina's on it. | ||
| And Tom Segura and Christina are on it. | ||
| And you're like giving advice? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| Yeah, and the best thing is they'll send you like 20 pages of topics that they want you to write jokes on and then comment on. | ||
| So it was like the homework that I should have been doing anyway, because it was all stuff about how to deal with babysitters and shit that, you know, is my world. | ||
| And so I just wrote 100 pages of jokes and did them on the show, and then I went through and picked the ones that might be good for stand-up. | ||
| And I swear to God, I got 40 minutes of new material out of two seasons of this show this year. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Sometimes it's just forcing yourself in a position where you have to write. | ||
| Just forcing it. | ||
| We need to do what we used to do. | ||
| Me, you, and maybe Callan or somebody else sit down in a fucking room and throw out a topic. | ||
| Everybody write on it for 15 minutes. | ||
| Talk about what we wrote. | ||
| Whoever has the best shit gets the other two guys' shit. | ||
| Remember we used to do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When did we do that? | ||
| We did that with Cotter. | ||
| With Tom Cotter. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Goddamn, dude. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| We were focused. | ||
| Well, we were a desperado, too. | ||
| We were trying to figure out how to crack the system. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How do you write now? | ||
| What do you do to the majority of your writing? | ||
| I throw a lot of notes in my iPhone, and then I'll tweet. | ||
| I have no issue with tweeting and then taking the tweet and turning it into a joke that I do on stage. | ||
| I think it's almost like a good reminder of premises. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I don't have a problem with it either. | ||
| People have a problem with it. | ||
| They're just looking for something to have a problem with. | ||
| Yeah, they're like, I don't want my audience to see the same thing twice. | ||
| It's like, they're gonna see my shit about five or six times, because I'm gonna do on How to Be a Grown-Up after I tweet it. | ||
| The worst is when someone who is in the audience will tweet to you. | ||
| Like, yeah, you talked about that already on Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's 140 characters. | ||
| There's a five minute bit on it, you fuckhead. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Yeah, that's where the premise came from. | ||
| I thought of it then. | ||
| I wrote it down. | ||
| I said, this would be a funny tweet. | ||
| And then I said, you know what? | ||
| I can get a bit out of that. | ||
| People want like... | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| Most people appreciate the creative process, but there's some people that just want this constant stream of what they want all the time. | ||
| And then if it's not good, they shit on you for that. | ||
| It's like, what do you want me to do? | ||
| Stay up 24 hours a day to come up with tweets that are different than my stand-up? | ||
| You know who's interesting? | ||
| Woody Allen, who first started off... | ||
| As a stand-up. | ||
| Amazing albums. | ||
| Then he started writing books, like Without Feathers. | ||
| Remember those? | ||
| They were like funny short stories? | ||
| No, I wasn't aware of those. | ||
| That was a great book called Without Feathers. | ||
| It's one of the few books you will laugh out loud, like Confederacy of Dunces is kind of funny. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| And then he starts making movies, but if you go back and you look at the stories in his stand-up, he also wrote about them in his books, and then they became plot lines in his movies. | ||
| That's kind of fascinating to me to watch that progression. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It is. | ||
| I love watching the progression of bits when I see a guy like you come down to the store and you have some new piece on something you're doing and then I'll see it two weeks later and it's got all this new shit on it. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I'll see it a month later and it's got this rhythm to it now. | ||
| That's though the weird thing about these bits that when a person finally sees it like if you do a Netflix special and they finally see this chunk that you've been working on for the past six seven months that thing sometimes is even remotely Similar to what it started out as. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They morph and they move and they shift and you push them together. | ||
| I love watching that process. | ||
| Some people don't want to see it. | ||
| Some people just want a constant stream of absolutely new stuff. | ||
| The problem with that is... | ||
| I agree that the more new stuff, the better. | ||
| I try to write as much new stuff as possible, but bits only get better if you keep doing them. | ||
| And to get them to that samurai sword razor sharpness, hammering that steel, they have to be done a bunch of times. | ||
| You can't just write them out. | ||
| You have to perform them in front of the crowd. | ||
| You have to figure out what's wrong with your performance, what's right with your performance. | ||
| You've got to listen to your tape sets. | ||
| I've been fanatical about that for 25 years. | ||
| I think I've listened to probably 20% of all the sets I've ever done. | ||
| That's very good. | ||
| I'm not that high, but I have all of them, every set that I do. | ||
| I tape and I make notes afterwards. | ||
| One of the things I started doing is right after I get off stage, I sit down with the pad and write important things that I remember about that set. | ||
| Like, oh, there was a hiccup in the transition from this to that. | ||
| There's a better way to do this. | ||
| I gotta figure out how to tie these together. | ||
| And oh, there's a crazy tagline after that that I came up with on the fly. | ||
| Or like, this bit, there's more, there's more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, yes, yes. | |
| Like, you feel like you can stretch it out more. | ||
| And you don't always remember to keep writing on it. | ||
| And that's like you say, if you don't... | ||
| Part of it for me is, like, I gotta go on stage in the right head. | ||
| I have to, like, fucking take a shower, I'm going to work. | ||
| Like, show up having looked at my notes, and, you know, not get too fucking caught up in talking to people before I go on. | ||
| I want to go on and really, like, be there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I can fuck around after the show. | ||
| Yeah, you want to be in that zone that each one of those bits requires. | ||
| They're all different. | ||
| And that's one of the things about, like... | ||
| Knowing where to put a bit in your act you gotta have like I have like These areas in my act where I think of is like hills and valleys where this is like this is like slow Contemplation thinking about how weird something is and then there's the big hills like we're gonna go on a sprint We're gonna sprint and then we're gonna come back after this and you got to figure out where to put these things where they all belong and you got to move them around So fun man And that's where it's really like a jigsaw puzzle is because you're trying | ||
| to take the bit, you're trying to create those hills and valleys, and then you're trying to take the material that's related and keep it all in the same area. | ||
| And then you're also taking, you want to mix new stuff with old stuff. | ||
| And then it's like, you know, at a certain point, you go to do a special and you're like, alright, I gotta lock down on this shit. | ||
| I can't keep moving it around because then you gotta nail down the transitions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, everybody seems to agree that there's somewhere between a year and two years. | ||
| That's the far-ranging guy, say two years, the guys who really like to turn things over on a regular basis, say a year. | ||
| But after a year or after two years, it's done. | ||
| It's done. | ||
| You can never do it again. | ||
| You've got to throw it onto a DVD and get it out. | ||
| Somewhere around a year is when you have to start thinking about it. | ||
| You start saying, you know what? | ||
| It's September. | ||
| Come January, I want to record my special. | ||
| So then you have to set up the deal, and then you have to set up the venue. | ||
| A lot of times things are booked seven, eight months in advance anyway, especially if it comes to a theater. | ||
| If you wanted to do it at a theater, you have to do it way in advance a lot of times. | ||
| And then you start prepping for it and start building. | ||
| And then it's less a matter of writing new shit than it is a matter of sharpening that stuff as much as possible. | ||
| That gets weird for me because then once I... Get rid of the special, like I get rid of all that material, and then I start fresh. | ||
| Then sometimes it becomes harder because I haven't been writing as much as I've been sharpening. | ||
| You know, I've just been going over the same material over and over again, so I gotta kind of like... | ||
| I might have to revamp that. | ||
| I might just start, just film a bunch of sets. | ||
| Like, you know, I was at the Irvine Improv this past weekend, and they have a camera that they have set up in the back of the room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when they filmed the thing, it's on the screen in the green room. | ||
| So you're watching it in the green room. | ||
| And I was like, this is perfect. | ||
| Just one camera. | ||
| Just one camera. | ||
| This is the actual show. | ||
| This is what you would see if you were in the audience. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, you don't have to do this any other way. | ||
| As a matter of fact, this is the least distracting way. | ||
| Like, literally put out chunks of you just on one camera, no crowd shots. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| One camera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's interesting. | |
| My other option? | ||
| Of two extremes. | ||
| The other option is to buy a fuckload of GoPros. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And strap them to people's heads. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, did you ever see... | ||
| Hand them out to people. | ||
| It's like, you know when you go to Disneyland and you get on the Star Wars ride to give you those goggles? | ||
| Everybody will get a GoPro. | ||
| They'll press record on it. | ||
| And then at the end of the night, you throw your GoPro in the bucket. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we'll have somebody edit that shit. | ||
| Well, did you ever see... | ||
| David Tell did that show, The Comedy Underground? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he would give out, I think, one. | ||
| There was one GoPro he'd put into the crowd to mix it together. | ||
| Oh, see, I'm unoriginal. | ||
| Well, no, because yours is like 100 camera angles. | ||
| Yeah, I want to do like 200 GoPros and give people... | ||
| Because I figure a bunch of people are not going to turn them on or fuck it up or someone's going to get drunk and spill booze on it. | ||
| You're not going to get every single GoPro. | ||
| You could also tell people, don't forget to pan around and show the people at your table laughing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That would be badass because it would be 3D. You'd have to have a lot of security. | ||
| You have to make sure that nobody leaves with a GoPro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because somebody would try to steal your GoPro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Remember the Beastie Boys filmed a movie like this? | ||
| Did they? | ||
| Mid-2000s, they gave 50 fans in the crowd digital cameras. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| And they just edited it together from all their views from different angles and the top of the arena. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's called Awesome, I Shot That or something very close to that. | ||
| Awesome, I fucking shot that. | ||
| Awesome, I fucking shot that. | ||
| Oh, what a great idea. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| I'm like seven years late. | ||
| I thought it was just a couple years late. | ||
| But what if you streamed it every night? | ||
| What if you had like five cameras and somebody just did the cutting and there was a stream of every set that you do from five points to view? | ||
| That goes online? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then what's the point in releasing it as a special? | ||
| You don't. | ||
| You don't release it as a special? | ||
| It's an ongoing thing if you want to see Joe Rogan. | ||
| Almost like, well, I guess with that, Periscope. | ||
| Basically, Periscope your shows. | ||
| You know, it seems like a bad idea right now, but ultimately, it's probably going to seem like a good idea. | ||
| Like, that maybe is how people are going to release their specials. | ||
| Just stream them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you really stop and think about it, like, kind of everything's streaming now. | ||
| You know, as long as it's on demand as well, you know, like some sort of a Netflix-type deal where it's a live stream and then it's available for download anytime you want afterwards. | ||
| Can I periscope a little bit of this? | ||
| If you must. | ||
| No, you don't sound like you're into it. | ||
| If you must. | ||
| Well, this is my thing about those things. | ||
| They're fun every now and again, but they really do distract. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They distract. | ||
| Like, when a bunch of people are around you and everyone's periscoping, it's hilarious. | ||
| Like, it happens at the comedy store all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We periscope each other. | ||
| But at the end of the day, it kind of does distract. | ||
| It's like, how many actual conversations you're having? | ||
| How many sit down, let's talk about some shit. | ||
| Once you start periscoping and Instagramming and selfie-ing and tweeting this and tweeting that, there's a balance. | ||
| And in the lost side of that balance, it becomes a very non-intimate interaction between everyone involved. | ||
| I've been around a bunch of really techie people and watched them barely communicate with words other than talking about the things they just tweeted, talking about the things that somebody else tweeted. | ||
| We should tweet this. | ||
| I should get a picture of that. | ||
| I want to Instagram this. | ||
| I want to Snapchat that. | ||
| What equipment they're using it on. | ||
| What phone. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They're talking about new filters. | ||
| I got this new app that's way better filters and look what it does, look what it does. | ||
| And it's like the tech conversation and the tech related as far as like sending and receiving shit overwhelms the human interaction. | ||
| It overwhelms it. | ||
| The medium is the message. | ||
| Yeah, and there's a lot of that going on. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| You don't think of it as tech-related because you're talking about some real-life shit that's happening not near you, but it's going through the phone. | ||
| That's the whole deal. | ||
| It's like there's not as much people-to-people communication. | ||
| It's like this weird interface that we're sharing. | ||
| Either we do it solo or we look at each other's stuff that we do it on or... | ||
| Well, when you think about language and the fact that it's a dumbed-down version of our thoughts, if you have to put your thoughts into words, you're obviously compromising the scope of your idea and the fullness of your idea because it's got to fit into these words. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Then you go to this second level of digital communication where now you're seeing a dumbing down of the words because you have to limit what you're doing, where you're looking, your presence with the other person. | ||
| Everything is then taken to an even simpler place than it was before. | ||
| So it's completely flat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Human interaction is very bizarre. | ||
| Just think about what you do for a living. | ||
| Your job is to elicit a very specific response out of people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| One. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of all the range of emotions, we're like doctors that are specialists in this one emotion. | ||
| One area. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then creating it as well as delivering it. | ||
| It's a creepy way to live. | ||
| Yeah, and you get sick of it. | ||
| Sometimes the whole idea of comedy, I just can like, ugh! | ||
| I don't want to be funny. | ||
| I don't want to see anything funny for like six hours. | ||
| Definitely got to take time off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's the balance issue. | ||
| That's like, as a comedian, I think it's one of the most important things. | ||
| Is to have some sort of a balance in your life where you're into other things as well. | ||
| Things that are not even remotely funny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Those things are the things that you eventually get humor from. | ||
| For me, I've always had this lifelong fascination with wild animals, with wildlife. | ||
| And I've gotten a lot of material from the natural world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| out of it. | ||
| I'm watching some documentary on water buffaloes and lions engaged in this eons long conflict for survival. | ||
| And all I'm thinking of is just like, what a crazy thing this is you can capture on film. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That we're so insulated and isolated in these cities that we can't even imagine what the fuck is going on on... | ||
| I had this guy on the other day that was telling me about the Channel Islands. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know the Channel Islands is just, that water's overflowing with sharks. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's right off Santa Barbara. | ||
| Yeah, it's right out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's right out there. | ||
| Those waters are apparently just filled with sharks. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They caught the world record mako shark around this area in, I think, somewhere around, I want to say like Huntington Beach, somewhere around that area. | ||
| Those bitches are going to be coming closer to our shore at the global warming. | ||
| Are they, though? | ||
| Is that how it works? | ||
| There seems to be more sightings. | ||
| The ocean is going to get closer and closer. | ||
| It's going to rise, right? | ||
| Here's my theory. | ||
| Right around the time the ocean starts rising is when we figure out how to take salt out of the ocean. | ||
| And we just start sucking that bitch dry. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We're like, what, are you going to rise up on us as fast as we can use you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Good luck with that. | ||
| Have you ever seen an almond field, sir? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then we'll just start sucking water out of the ocean. | ||
| The ocean will dry up, and then people in Malibu will get really pissed because they're beachfront. | ||
| They'll be looking at this 100 yards of sand until they get to the water. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's that giant river up in Northern California that just got dried out completely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| It's called like the Salt Sea or something? | ||
| Oh, you're talking about the Salton Sea. | ||
| Salton Sea, right. | ||
| Yeah, that's not dried out completely. | ||
| It still exists. | ||
| It's pretty far gone. | ||
| All those oceanfront houses, they're looking at nothing right now. | ||
| Well, the Salton Sea is an inland sea that was created by the Colorado River. | ||
| The Salton Sea was an accident. | ||
| They had opened up the... | ||
| There's an amazing... | ||
| I think John Waters did a documentary on it. | ||
| Was it Waters? | ||
| I think it was him. | ||
| But there's an incredible documentary on how this all happened. | ||
| And at one point in time, that was like where these really rich people, Hollywood celebrities, like Sonny Bono was a big fan of the place. | ||
| When Sonny Bono was a congressman, is that what he was? | ||
| He was a senator? | ||
| No, congressman. | ||
| When he was a congressman, before he died in that skiing accident, he was working to desalinate that whole ocean area and try to revive the Salton Sea. | ||
| Because when he was younger, that place was hopping. | ||
| It was hopping. | ||
| It was like giant resorts and golf courses and mansions. | ||
| And I think a lot of the water, though, was runoff from crops, wasn't it? | ||
| Agricultural runoff was what poisoned it. | ||
| That's what fucked it up. | ||
| Plagues and pleasures on the Salton Sea. | ||
| John Waters, yeah, that's it. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You have to watch it because I had no idea. | ||
| I had heard about it from people, like something about Salton Sea, and I was like, I thought it was just like an area that they called the Salton Sea. | ||
| You know, like the Inland Empire. | ||
| That's not an empire. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They call it the Inland Empire. | ||
| The Empire? | ||
| Yeah, the Inland Empire. | ||
| They call it the Inland Empire. | ||
| There's no dragons there. | ||
| Where's the drawbridge? | ||
| It's not an empire. | ||
| This is just a town. | ||
| Yeah, we don't have a mayor. | ||
| We have a king. | ||
| So I thought the Salton Sea was like that. | ||
| I thought it was like this area that was just, they just named it that. | ||
| There's no sea in the middle of... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I heard the story, and then I watched this documentary, and it's insane. | ||
| So it was originally just... | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| ...diverted water from the Colorado River? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And then they got fish in there, like a lot of ocean fish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tilapia. | |
| Tilapia. | ||
| And people would catch them, and they would fish for them, and now it's so bad that there are shores of the beach that is completely filled with dead, look at those dead fish, completely filled with dead fish bones. | ||
| They have millions, that's bones. | ||
| They have sand, but it's not sand, it's just dead fish bones. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's also bird habitats there that are getting fucked, and there's nowhere for the birds to go. | ||
| Well, we didn't realize until recently, a lot of folks didn't at least, how much agriculture was going on in California. | ||
| I mean, California is all the way up to San Francisco. | ||
| If you take the five, you just run into farms. | ||
| It's everywhere. | ||
| There's a lot of agriculture. | ||
| And apparently a lot of, like, tomatoes and most of the almonds and all this different shit gets grown in California. | ||
| And California is using a lot of fucking water. | ||
| Oh, we got rice paddies up north. | ||
| Do we really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That's a lot of water. | ||
| That's a lot of water. | ||
| Yeah, everywhere is a lot of water. | ||
| But you know the almonds, we're exporting almonds. | ||
| Yeah, sure, alfalfa too. | ||
| They export a fuckload of alfalfa, apparently, and it's using up all our water. | ||
| For Japanese beef, right? | ||
| I don't know who uses it. | ||
| But, you know, it's a big business. | ||
| The agricultural business in California is giant. | ||
| And it's just now, because of this now going on four-year drought, They get to see how much water they really require. | ||
| Because before it was just sort of, they had enough water, they used a lot of water, but they had enough water. | ||
| And now that they don't use any less, and there's none coming in, it's getting weirder and weirder. | ||
| Well, it's all about the Colorado River and who gets dibs on it first, and it's all about who had it first. | ||
| So you've got farms way up north that are at the mouth of it, and they grab all the water they want, and you can't tell them how much they can take. | ||
| And so as it gets further down, and more and more people are taking more and more of the water, and also the, what do you call the water underground? | ||
| The table? | ||
| Yeah, the table. | ||
| They're pulling from that. | ||
| Yeah, they're making more wells. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're pulling from the in-ground water. | ||
| And they say that the earth crust is going to start collapsing because of it. | ||
| Isn't that fucking crazy that we didn't know that there was water under us all the time? | ||
| Like, I remember the first time I went to a place that had a well. | ||
| I went, wait a minute, hold on. | ||
| How does this work? | ||
| And the guy was like, well, everywhere under us are rivers. | ||
| And rivers of water. | ||
| And some of them stronger than other ones. | ||
| And what you've got to do is you've got to find the right river. | ||
| And if you find the right river, you dig down to get to it. | ||
| And then just pull water from it. | ||
| I go, it just constantly has water in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there's like, this is not solid. | ||
| We're on this thing that looks like it's ground, and it's solid, but there's rivers under there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, how far down is this fucking river? | ||
| You know, it varies. | ||
| A few hundred feet, a thousand feet, a couple thousand feet. | ||
| But if you get down long enough in the right area, you're going to run into rivers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And they never pop up on their own. | ||
| That's the weird thing. | ||
| You never see groundwater. | ||
| Very rarely, right? | ||
| I mean, when you see a spring, it's usually coming down from the top of the mountains from the glacier runoff or the snow melting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's some underground water, and that's what's really become an issue with these farmers, that they're sucking that stuff dry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's all becoming an issue. | ||
| And the equipment's getting better and better to suck it out. | ||
| And like you said, the need is just getting greater and greater. | ||
| I think all they need to do, figure out how to get that fucking salt out of the ocean water and bon voyage. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You're going to see that shore is just going to grow and grow every year. | ||
| We're going to literally suck the ocean out like a giant straw. | ||
| Be able to surf from one continent to the next. | ||
| Human robot monster straw-sucking machine that takes the ocean out with just huge tubes that are as big as the Holland Tunnel. | ||
| Everybody would be pissed because that's all you would hear all day. | ||
| You'd try to go to sleep. | ||
| You used to have a nice place in Santa Monica before they set up the straw. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Two o'clock in the morning is when they turn it on. | ||
| This fucking giant machine. | ||
| But we need water! | ||
| And salt everywhere. | ||
| Just piles of fucking salt that they pulled out. | ||
| And they say the other thing that would happen is once we start doing that is, because they feed the salt back in, is that the oceans become so salinated it would kill all the fish. | ||
| Well, they wouldn't be able to feed it back in anymore. | ||
| They'd have to take it to Utah and dump it in the mountains. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Give it to the Mormons. | ||
| No, Nevada. | ||
| They take it and they pour it over the nuclear waste that they left by. | ||
| Like you're pouring salt on your steak. | ||
| I mean, isn't that where they buried the nuclear waste? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Open up those tombs and pour it in there. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| You could have a mountain of salt out there. | ||
| And then people would take your mountain of salt. | ||
| You know, there's a mountain of salt in, where was it? | ||
| Germany? | ||
| That they've been chipping away at for years. | ||
| And it's flat at the top now. | ||
| Because they've literally removed all the salt. | ||
| It was a salt mountain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pull that picture up because it's the most bizarre thing. | ||
| Because it really does look like a giant white mountain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And apparently it's all salt. | ||
| And they've just been eating away at it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| No shit! | ||
| Isn't that incredible? | ||
| Wait, that's naturally formed? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, it's a natural salt mountain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| What in the actual fucking shit is that? | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's a salt mountain. | ||
| Go, go to the top. | ||
| Ooh, pull that one. | ||
| Everything is lush. | ||
| No, no, no, the one like the, sorry, the look down one on the upper left-hand corner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See if you can spread it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Dude, what is that? | ||
| How did that salt pile just pop up under the ground like that? | ||
| It's funny that they're taking it from the top. | ||
| You know the Germans, they, you will take it from the top first? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We can be here mining salt for a long time or a short time. | |
| We can make a lot of money or we can die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Up to you. | |
| You must learn from the lessons of the Führer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do not take on a salt mountain on two fronts. | |
| If you take on the salt mountain from the bottom, you will cut out its legs. | ||
| It will fall on you. | ||
| You will die. | ||
| When did the Germans turn Russian? | ||
| Was that Russian? | ||
| I'm just trying to be a Nazi. | ||
| You will fall on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Trying to be evil. | |
| Yeah, they get to the top, chip away at it. | ||
| How long have they been doing that? | ||
| Look at the fucking size of it. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's this weird aberration just popping up out of the ground. | ||
| It just doesn't seem to make sense. | ||
| Dude, Hitler turned around the economy of Germany. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's 1976 they've been doing it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| As of January 2014, it covered 230 acres and contained approximately 188 million tons of salt, with another 90 tons being added every hour around 6.5 million tons a year. | ||
| How's it being added? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, so it's a heap? | ||
| Is that what it's saying? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So it's on a mountain. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| So it's not naturally occurring. | ||
| It's the number of sites where a K&S chemical company dumps sodium chloride, common table salt, a byproduct of potash mining and processing. | ||
| A major industry in the area. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| We're totally wrong. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, so that's a pile. | ||
| So they're taking it from the mines and they're just like... | ||
| That's why it's shaped like a pyramid. | ||
| So then they take it off the top of the pile and then they're processing it. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The amount of salt that goes into the region's soil and rivers is enormous. | ||
| Due to the high salt levels, the surrounding soils become virtually barren and only halophyte plants can grow there. | ||
| The Wera, W-E-R-R-A, river has become so salty that up to 2.5 gallons GL, whatever that means, chloride ions, which is saltier than parts of the Baltic Sea, that few freshwater organisms can survive in it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Fucking A, man. | ||
| That's salty. | ||
| And they're licensed to keep dumping salt at the facility until 2030. Yeah, they're just toxic. | ||
| The whole place is just salt toxic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| So I thought, wow, that makes more sense, though, that it's a pile than a weird white mountain. | ||
| That didn't make any sense. | ||
| Like, why is that there? | ||
| Yeah, I guess salt comes from the sea and is a byproduct. | ||
| I don't know where else salt comes from. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's salt mines. | ||
| Yeah, there definitely are salt mines. | ||
| But, like, why does it exist some places and not others? | ||
| The most bizarre thing is, like, there are certain plants that grow over areas that are likely to hold diamonds. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How the fuck do they figure that out? | ||
| Like, how the fuck do you find... | ||
| Forget about finding water. | ||
| How about finding diamonds? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some weird byproduct of pressure and coal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| And once you find them, it's a fortune. | ||
| A fortune. | ||
| Just, it's dirt or it's a fortune. | ||
| And they're a girl's best friend. | ||
| She doesn't even know these fucking rocks. | ||
| They live in Africa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha. | |
| Can you really talk to her when you're down? | ||
| They've been under the ground forever and ever and ever. | ||
| That's such a hoary statement about women, isn't it? | ||
| Diamonds are a girl's best friend. | ||
| Diamonds are your best friend. | ||
| Like, you care about, more than any human, you care about this fucking expensive rock. | ||
| Well, that's like the biggest affront to something like the feminist movement. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is the women that are just total sellouts. | ||
| Diamonds are my best friend. | ||
| Yeah, if you want to marry me, yeah, I want you to buy a house. | ||
| Oh, dude, I met this girl the other night, and we're shooting this pilot up in the Hollywood Hills, and we're at this house, and it's huge, and it's got like five units. | ||
| The house has been split up into five units, and you can see the Hollywood on one side, you can see all of L.A. on the other. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| The house is worth about $4 million. | ||
| And the woman that owns it, we're talking to her, And I said, oh, how long have you had this house? | ||
| She goes, oh, I got it about nine months ago. | ||
| And she's got this accent I can't place. | ||
| It's maybe Israeli, it's maybe Argentinian or something. | ||
| And she says that she's been dating this guy for three years, and he started this company with his wife. | ||
| And the company was worth $200 million. | ||
| So then he was divorcing his wife. | ||
| So during the divorce, the wife dies. | ||
| So he was only getting $100 million. | ||
| She goes, but then the wife died. | ||
| So now he gets a whole $200 million. | ||
| So I said to him, I want to get married. | ||
| And he said he's not ready. | ||
| And I said, well, I'm ready. | ||
| You need something to let me know that you're serious. | ||
| So he bought her a $4 million house, the car, the whole deal. | ||
| And then she turns around and rents out all this. | ||
| She split it up into five units and rents them all out. | ||
| And she's hustling. | ||
| Good for her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She used that pussy properly. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| She got herself a victim. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of mercenary women out there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How good is that person? | |
| I mean, she was attractive, but she was not $4 million. | ||
| He was supposed to come by, but he didn't come by. | ||
| I would imagine he was older. | ||
| Probably a wreck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably a wreck. | ||
| Just wants someone to touch him. | ||
| He's worth a fuckload of money. | ||
| He just gives her what she needs. | ||
| It's like that guy that owned the Clippers. | ||
| Yeah, Donald Sterling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had that hot girlfriend, bought her a bunch of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And everybody was like, you know, look how much money he spent on her. | ||
| Like, he got off cheap. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| You know? | ||
| I mean, the whole thing. | ||
| The whole thing was ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what was he doing? | ||
| He's paying for her to be around him. | ||
| He's paying. | ||
| He's paying her mortgage or got her a place. | ||
| Bunch of cars. | ||
| Bought her Bentleys and Ferraris and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what happens. | ||
| Like, why is that so shocking to people? | ||
| It's like, when it actually gets exposed like that, people are like, no way. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, of course, it's a cliche. | ||
| Well, what do you spend on a girlfriend, you know? | ||
| You gotta ask the average person that. | ||
| Proportional to his income, that's fucking nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| It's a cheeseburger. | ||
| Proportionally, you spend more money to take a girl to dinner and a movie. | ||
| Yeah, he's a billionaire. | ||
| A billionaire is a thousand million dollars. | ||
| Yeah, so he probably spent less than a million on her? | ||
| He probably spent a couple million. | ||
| I think, all told, the wife is suing her now. | ||
| Oh, yeah, it is more because there was jewelry. | ||
| There was a bunch of shit. | ||
| Yeah, the jewelry was a lot. | ||
| Cars, townhouse, a lot of shit. | ||
| There's a lot of shit. | ||
| I'd imagine some cash changed hands, too. | ||
| You know what I heard this one woman say? | ||
| She goes, I bet it wasn't even the wife's idea. | ||
| I bet it was his idea. | ||
| Use the wife to sue her to get the money back. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| I was like, God damn, that does make sense. | ||
| Yeah, follow the paper trail on that. | ||
| Then I got nervous talking to her. | ||
| I was like, how do you think that way? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Can you delete that photo, that selfie you took with me? | ||
| I think we're playing tic-tac-toe and this bitch is playing chess. | ||
| They're planning many moves ahead. | ||
| Like, whoa. | ||
| Yeah, I guess you could do it that way. | ||
| Because the idea was like the chick set him up and he was like, oh, do you think you're going to profit from this? | ||
| Guess again. | ||
| Guess again. | ||
| Because if he sues her, it looks bad. | ||
| And it looks vindictive. | ||
| It looks like he's trying to sue her for what she did to him. | ||
| Which I think he has every right to, quite honestly. | ||
| I mean, what he said, first of all, he didn't use a single racial slur. | ||
| People jumped all over that guy. | ||
| But the actual words that he said were... | ||
| I don't want you taking pictures with these guys. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| He didn't say the N-word. | ||
| He literally even said, I don't mind if you fucked them. | ||
| That was a part of their conversation. | ||
| I don't care if you fucked them. | ||
| Like, he didn't have any exclusive deal with her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this was a totally private conversation. | ||
| And so, somehow or another, she releases it. | ||
| And, of course he should sue her. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Like, what kind of nonsense is that? | ||
| What do you think I was giving you cars for? | ||
| I was giving you cars to shut the fuck up. | ||
| Well, not only that, like it winds up costing him, literally costing him the team. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like he had to sell the team. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like it became such a scandal and such a PR disaster, such a clusterfuck, the way the media reported, the way they didn't talk about the fact that they obviously had some weird open relationship where he was saying, hey, I don't care if you fuck them. | ||
| Like everybody concentrated on don't take pictures, don't take pictures, don't take pictures. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's an old dude with a hot young girlfriend. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| The idea that him saying that he didn't want her to take pictures, that this should be enough that you could take his team, that's insane. | ||
| But, you know, it goes back to what we were talking about earlier with what we can get away with on a podcast versus what somebody else can get away with. | ||
| And you think about what he said versus what we just said. | ||
| My joke is more harsh than what he said, and I'm not going to lose anything. | ||
| And I think the argument against him was that he was a dick. | ||
| He was a dick. | ||
| He was a dick all the time. | ||
| And people didn't like him. | ||
| And so there wasn't a loved guy. | ||
| It wasn't like this, like, when the Joe Paterno thing happened and found out that he knew about Sandusky and all the child molestation, like, people were devastated. | ||
| Because Joe Paterno was like this, like, really loved guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But, you know, he was the coach, obviously. | ||
| But then you got Kramer. | ||
| I mean, here's a guy that had a fucking 10-year run on the biggest sitcom in history. | ||
| Most lovable guy on the show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And one fucking three-minute interaction, and that dude is a ghost. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a ghost. | ||
| Have you seen him lately? | ||
| No. | ||
| I haven't seen him. | ||
| No, he doesn't do anything. | ||
| He's probably just eating through that Seinfeld money. | ||
| He doesn't do stand-up anymore, does he? | ||
| Doesn't come to the LA clubs. | ||
| I haven't seen him at any of the clubs. | ||
| I haven't seen him on TV. I haven't read about him. | ||
| That was a really tricky situation for him to try to get into stand-up because he had gone from Seinfeld to he had at least one other show that didn't work. | ||
| At least one. | ||
| I want to say he had two. | ||
| And then he just started coming to the clubs. | ||
| But he had done stand-up before Seinfeld. | ||
| A long time ago, yeah. | ||
| But he took a long time off. | ||
| Especially took a long time off the LA clubs. | ||
| And then he would come out there and really probably should have done something where it was more like an evening with... | ||
| What was his name again? | ||
| It's not Kramer. | ||
| What the fuck's his name? | ||
| Michael Richards. | ||
| An evening with Michael Richards. | ||
| I don't even remember his name. | ||
| He's been Stalinized. | ||
| In a lot of ways. | ||
| If he just did a Laugh Factory gig, like an evening with Michael Richards, and just had Michael Richards fans show up, and he tried to work out material until he developed a set. | ||
| Then they'd be in on the context of who he is. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They wouldn't be offended by that, something like that. | ||
| Well, not only that, you would get his audience. | ||
| White people. | ||
| That, too. | ||
| And you also wouldn't have him competing with actual real stand-ups. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because when you're doing the Laugh Factory on a Friday night, you're doing it with five other people on the show who might have sitcoms. | ||
| They might be out there doing the road on a regular basis, hustling, and they're throwing heat. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they have real jokes, and you go up there and you want to do a bunch of pratfalls, and you don't really have anything to say, and you try to be silly. | ||
| And he would like ad-lib, and he would fail miserably. | ||
| Yeah, he'd do concepts. | ||
| And the thing is, and that wasn't new. | ||
| I was at the Improv with Louis C.K. one night, and Louis's father, who he was pretty estranged from his whole life, And he was kind of like reconnecting with, and his father's from Mexico, Jewish guy. | ||
| And so Louis invites him to the improv to see Louis do stand-up for the first time. | ||
| So Louis's like, I've never seen Louis nervous to go on before. | ||
| And before he goes on, Michael Richards goes up. | ||
| And there's a couple in the front row that's Jewish. | ||
| And they haven't done anything wrong, but he's doing that character. | ||
| And he starts going, oh, you kikes, you heebs, you big-nosed Jew bastards, like, saying all this stuff, but in the same way that he said the black stuff. | ||
| He didn't mean it, but he had no control of what he was doing as a performer, and he thought that it was all like a calculated risk and that we'd all get that this was a character bit. | ||
| And Louis was so, his father was clearly like, he's fucking Jewish! | ||
| And he's thinking, this is what my son does, this is like the environment my son works in. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Did it fuck with him when he went and did his set? | ||
| No, his set was great. | ||
| The problem with the guy was he wasn't skillful, and he was in the major leagues, and he was really insecure about it. | ||
| And that was why he had that reaction to those people that heckled him. | ||
| The reason why he called those guys the N-bomb was because those guys were yelling out that he wasn't funny. | ||
| It wasn't like that he just picked on them for no reason. | ||
| They started giving him a hard time about not being funny, about bombing. | ||
| But they were right. | ||
| They were right, you know, and he didn't like it. | ||
| He was uncomfortable and didn't know how to handle it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he might have been on the yayo, son. | |
| He might have been on that. | ||
| He might have been on that, son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hear things from people, man. | |
| I hear things. | ||
| I hear he might have been on that shit. | ||
| You get confident as a motherfucker. | ||
| Let me say hello to my little friend, the N-word. | ||
| That was a that was the first of those videos first of those really viral videos This was I was gonna point this out earlier and I didn't but I forgot When those moments when you're trying to be funny not that moment obviously because I was just That was such a poorly thought out idea didn't make any sense whatsoever. | ||
| You can't just yell You can't just do that. | ||
| You just can't do that. | ||
| You can't expect that people are going to think that's really funny. | ||
| It's just so out to left field, so nonsensical, so retarded. | ||
| But there's these moments where people take chances and they'll try to be funny. | ||
| And there's a split second between that idea enters your head and you say, run with it! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you run with it and it sucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you're like, shit! | ||
| Especially if you're young or you're nervous or you're not very good at telling jokes. | ||
| Like, how many people have said something they wish they could go back in time and pull back? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just because they're just not skillful at talking. | ||
| Well, and there's only one way to deal with it, which is to address what just happened in an honest way. | ||
| It's hard to do. | ||
| It is. | ||
| For a young comic, forget it. | ||
| You just want to get away from that as quick as possible. | ||
| And you don't realize, no, you've got to double back and go into it again. | ||
| Or you'll just alienate them. | ||
| They know what just happened. | ||
| Everybody knows what just happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody can feel it and it's not going to go away unless you go back and let the air out of it. | ||
| For a guy like him to go from Seinfeld to essentially being an open-miker who's super famous is one of the most bizarre journeys ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that guy was essentially, he had the skill of someone who was just beginning in stand-up comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But yet, he's going on at the Laugh Factory after Dom Herrera. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, Dom Herrera and Dane Cook and all these guys are killing and killing and killing and he goes up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| It's a terrible place to be. | ||
| The only way to really do that, I think, is if he had a smart agent, a smart manager, they would cultivate an act for him. | ||
| Have someone work with him, get a guy like you, or a guy like Tony Hinchcliffe is great at writing bits for people, and you have a guy come with some premises for you. | ||
| And sit down with you and help you work. | ||
| Go to like second tier cities and do, you know, just do sets where you're not going to be. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And let people in on what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| Don't just show up and pretend you're a real stand-up. | ||
| You know, let people in on the fact that you're working on some new bits. | ||
| You're working on doing stand-up. | ||
| Right, we're all in this together. | ||
| You guys are helping me do this. | ||
| Well, you know who started from scratch from a pretty high place is Joel, what's his name from TalkSoup? | ||
| Joel McHale? | ||
| Joel McHale, who had never done stand-up, and it was like, you know, had gotten huge from that show. | ||
| And then he just decided to start doing stand-up, but he'd go to a theater, and he'd play a lot of clips from the show, and he kind of did a, like you said, a one-man show kind of a thing that had stand-up in it. | ||
| And then I think over time, he transitioned into it just being a full, because that dude, he could sell 2,000 seats out of the gate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he didn't really know what to do. | ||
| But he would do a monologue on his show. | ||
| So in a sense, he was kind of doing stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like the way Craig Kilborn does. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, what's the other guy? | ||
| The Irish dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| He's not here anymore. | ||
| Ferguson. | ||
| Craig Ferguson. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The way that guy does it. | ||
| Like, he does stand-up. | ||
| I mean, I don't know if he did stand-up before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he did. | |
| He did. | ||
| It seemed like it. | ||
| Because he does stand-up when he does his monologue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wait. | |
| No, he did improv. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, did he? | |
| Yeah, he was like a... | ||
| I think he might have been part of Whose Line Is It Anyway at some point. | ||
| We're just making shit up. | ||
| No, I think that's true. | ||
| You don't even want to Google it. | ||
| Look it up. | ||
| But either or, he was doing essentially stand-up in his monologues. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| As is Joel McHale. | ||
| So even though maybe he hadn't done a lot of stand-up, like out in the clubs, he was still kind of doing it on TV all the time. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't do it anymore, right? | ||
| Didn't he stop? | ||
| Did he stop? | ||
| I think he did. | ||
| I guess he's doing movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that sitcom still on, Community? | ||
| I think it is, right? | ||
| It's on Netflix now, right? | ||
| It's done now. | ||
| It's done? | ||
| He's a really nice guy, man. | ||
| He's a great dude. | ||
| I did an episode of his show back in the day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No shit. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Really, really nice guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Super easy to get along with. | ||
| Love stand-ups. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of respect for stand-ups. | ||
| Well, he's just, like, very normal. | ||
| You know, like, hey man, what's up? | ||
| Hey, what's going on? | ||
| Thanks for doing this. | ||
| Like, there's no weirdness. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know the weirdness that you get sometimes when you do somebody's gig or something, hanging out with somebody like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Ooh. | ||
| Yeah, so he was a genuinely funny guy. | ||
| So for a guy like that, it's like, there's so many head starts there. | ||
| Like, I don't think Michael Richards is a genuinely funny guy. | ||
| I think he's just a really good comedic, like, committer. | ||
| He commits to pratfalls. | ||
| Like Andy Kaufman type of a guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, like, when he would slide into every episode. | ||
| Apparently Larry David did not like that. | ||
| Yeah, I could see that. | ||
| Yeah, because it was like so shticky. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was so obvious that it was going to happen in every episode. | ||
| It was going to come in. | ||
| It was like, it was too big. | ||
| Becomes that Lenny and Squiggy moment. | ||
| Hello! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They'd always walk in on like, yeah, but who would be dumb enough to say, hello! | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But I think this, I liked when he would do that. | ||
| It didn't make the show less awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it was definitely a more slapsticky type. | ||
| I think he gave it some range. | ||
| Yeah, some range. | ||
| That's the best way of putting it. | ||
| Yeah, comedy range is important. | ||
| I like really stupid jokes, too. | ||
| Things don't have to be 100% Patton Oswalt for me. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| Patton's hilarious. | ||
| I love his writing. | ||
| I love really well-sculpted bits. | ||
| Jim Brewer makes my innards fall out. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| Jim Brewer talking about his dad shitting himself was apparently one of the all-time funniest things that Bill Burr had ever seen. | ||
| It's hysterical. | ||
| Yeah, Jim Norton was talking about it too. | ||
| He's like, you can't believe how funny this bit is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, it just, it hurts how funny this bit is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's such a good dude too. | ||
| He is. | ||
| He's another one. | ||
| Brewer is just such a good dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just so nice. | ||
| You know, when you're around that guy, like, and you watch him on stage, like, it comes out of him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That he's like this- He's a Long Island guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's all you can say. | ||
| I mean, think about Kevin James and Gary Valentine and Ray Romano, all these Long Island guys. | ||
| They don't get any better than that. | ||
| Just quality people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was an Eastside Comedy Club out there that produced a lot of really good talent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brian Regan? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He was Florida, but I think when he came to New York, he was like Johnny Long Island. | ||
| Well, I saw Jenny there. | ||
| I saw Jenny at Eastside Comedy Club when he was in his prime. | ||
| And I remember... | ||
| One of the guys that works there was talking about how Jenny did a different hour for each show, Friday and Saturday. | ||
| He did four different hours all weekend. | ||
| We'd never seen anything like that. | ||
| They were all humbled. | ||
| They're like, what in the fuck? | ||
| There was a time in the late 80s, Where Jenny was just on fire. | ||
| He was on fire. | ||
| And there was, you know, for whatever reason, there was not as much attention on him as some other guys that had reached that same level of proficiency. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He got some attention. | ||
| Like, he got some Showtime specials and stuff, and he did really well. | ||
| He always did really well on the road, but I don't think he ever got the recognition that he deserved. | ||
| No. | ||
| He got that one-shot platypus man. | ||
| And it was on, like, a second day. | ||
| It was on, like, WB or one of those channels. | ||
| And it's, you know, it's tough because the guy was like chiseled out to be a stand-up comic. | ||
| He was a fucking Formula One stand-up comedian. | ||
| And I don't know how, I don't remember the TV show, but something tells me that maybe he wasn't the greatest sitcom actor of all time and that he probably would have been better suited to be a late night talk show host or something like that. | ||
| I think he would have been better suited as being a fucking awesome stand-up comic. | ||
| That's what he was. | ||
| It's like musicians, if you're a musician, they don't want you to be a rock star. | ||
| Or rather, a movie star. | ||
| They don't say, hey man, the way you sing and dance, you should stop doing that and just start pretending. | ||
| They don't do that. | ||
| But to a lot of stand-ups, especially in that era, it was like you wanted to get that Seinfeld money. | ||
| You wanted to be Jerry Seinfeld. | ||
| And there's this thing about Like a guy with a big sitcom, whether it's Tim Allen or anyone who was like that in that era, they got a certain amount of prestige in Hollywood. | ||
| And when you're on the outside your whole life, which a lot of stand-ups are, the big wish, other than just actual success, not just worrying about paying your bills, the big wish is that you get inside. | ||
| They finally love you. | ||
| They take you in. | ||
| They take you in. | ||
| And who are you trying to get to take you in? | ||
| The big daddy Hollywood. | ||
| The big daddy Hollywood takes you into his embrace, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And turns out, you know, one of the great all-time sitcoms with you at the helm of it, and you're the new Jackie Gleason. | ||
| And you're getting out there with your wife, and you're waving to the crowd every day, and everybody loves you, and you get that fucking juicy charge. | ||
| That's what they want, the inside charge. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he never got that. | ||
| No, I remember watching, I was in Vegas and I saw him out on the strip with a camera before there were selfies, taking a selfie of himself in front of a big marquee that had his name on it, but it was like a second tier hotel. | ||
| And I was just like, oh man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then, you know, from what I understand, and, you know, it absolutely breaks my heart that he took his own life because... | ||
| I think comics are very vulnerable. | ||
| I know I am. | ||
| I get very affected by... | ||
| I wish I wasn't, but I still, like, if I'm not getting the money that I want or I'm not working a club that I used to or whatever, it can fucking really eat me up, you know, because it's so personal. | ||
| I'm the product. | ||
| I'm not selling paper or water. | ||
| It's me. | ||
| If you're rejecting an offer for me, it's me. | ||
| And things go up and things go down, but he was at a point where for the first time, this is what I understand, his date book was not filled up for the year by like February, and it always had been. | ||
| And that dude was doing 50 to 100 corporate dates a year at 25 grand a pop. | ||
| And those were drying up. | ||
| And he couldn't handle it because it felt like so much of who he was was wrapped up in his value as a comedian. | ||
| And I'm not saying it was eroding, but in his mind, it wasn't going in the right direction. | ||
| It wasn't going forward. | ||
| It wasn't going forward anymore. | ||
| This was it. | ||
| He passed his peak. | ||
| And he was in his 40s. | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And his girlfriend went inside to make breakfast, they got out of bed, and he just went in the bathroom and shot himself. | ||
| And didn't kill himself either. | ||
| Oh, is that right? | ||
| No, he was still alive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they had to take him to the hospital, he died in the hospital, the whole thing. | |
| Yeah, it's beyond fucked, man, but it's so strange how, you know, a guy like Robin Williams, you know, you would look at in sort of the same way, but him even more so because he's so loved. | ||
| So loved. | ||
| But he wasn't on the inside anymore. | ||
| Wasn't on the inside anymore and things were starting to slip away as far as like financial opportunities. | ||
| He did that sitcom that didn't work out. | ||
| The movies that were interesting to him were all like independent movies that barely paid anything. | ||
| You know, in the big roles, they just don't happen that often. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They take them while they can, but he had like a lot of overhead. | ||
| But apparently when he died, he still had a fuckload of money. | ||
| Oh, shit, yeah. | ||
| His family's fighting over it right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I knew his agent and... | ||
| He wasn't broke by any stretch of the imagination. | ||
| Like, people would like to say that, you know, like, oh, the guy had just run dry. | ||
| Like, no, he hadn't. | ||
| He made $20 million a picture for a good four or five movies. | ||
| He had to be worth $100 million. | ||
| Well, he definitely had made a lot of money. | ||
| How much he kept, you know, when you're balling like that, buying this, he had like a $30 million ranch somewhere, like Northern California, some insane 60-acre fucking thing. | ||
| Yeah, one of the things he was trying to get rid of before he died. | ||
| Yeah, and I think there was a lot of jewelry. | ||
| I remember they were talking about liquidating his estate. | ||
| There was a lot of, like, I think he bought his wife a shitload of jewelry. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Plus he had alimony to pay. | ||
| More than one wife, right? | ||
| Once divorced or twice? | ||
| Yeah, twice, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I believe twice. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's not fun. | ||
| He went after that nanny. | ||
| He went after that nanny pussy. | ||
| Oh, that's a trap. | ||
| That's a trap because she's always around, man. | ||
| She's always around. | ||
| She's younger. | ||
| She's a better version of your wife, essentially. | ||
| She takes care of your kids. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She's good with And at some point she was getting dressed and you walked in at some point and it's stuck in your head. | ||
| I also think that for a lot of comics a lot of guys who like genuinely need love and acceptance and approval for a lot of these guys that shit never turns off. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| It's on all the time and it's it becomes like a demon that needs to be fed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And when you're in a relationship and things get bored and everything gets stagnant you take each other for granted They're not having it. | ||
| They're not having it. | ||
| They've got to keep moving. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They've got to keep moving to the next charge. | ||
| They've got to get the next dangerous relationship, the next wild ride. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| That's why drugs are involved a lot. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Quick charge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Divorce. | |
| Well, he was a fucking lunatic with riding his bike. | ||
| Chaos. | ||
| That dude would go out and ride 100 miles on his bike every day. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was fucking psychotic about riding his bike. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Because you'd stop doing all the drugs. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| That makes sense because you definitely get high from running and you definitely get high from any kind of like extreme cardio like that. | ||
| You get that endorphin high. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, they talk about that being really similar to the high that you get from marijuana with some people. | ||
| Because apparently it's cannabinoids. | ||
| Cannabinoids, they get activated by you doing cardio or doing jogging. | ||
| It's a very similar thing. | ||
| That's why they call it runner's high. | ||
| Well, I know guys that get high on their way to the gym. | ||
| Do you ever do that? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's a good match? | ||
| How dare you ask me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| Ask me the different way. | ||
| Do you ever go to the gym when you're not high? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No shit, really? | ||
| Yeah, I get high all the time, especially before I lift weights. | ||
| What, do I want to be sober? | ||
| How does it affect the workout? | ||
| Lifting weights, better. | ||
| I get more into it. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, I feel my muscles better. | ||
| I feel like my tissue, I feel things moving. | ||
| I think that one of the things that pot does that is really underappreciated is it heightens sensitivity. | ||
| Not just your sensitivity like physical sensitivity like sexual sensitivity. | ||
| It definitely does that but also like your sensitivity to people's feelings Sensitivity to your own feelings and your sensitivity to like lifting things When you lift things and I'm not talking about getting obliterated where you forget where you put your keys Oh my god, where's my car? | ||
| Oh my god, how did I get here? | ||
| Oh my god, I can't I remember walking in the doorman I'm talking about just a little bit high just you're a little nervous, but you know what you're doing. | ||
| Yeah, you know And when you lift weights like that, I feel like I'm more in tune with all the different fibers of my muscle. | ||
| I'm more in tune with my balance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm more in tune with where the weight's going. | ||
| It just feels more natural to me. | ||
| I'm more in tune with my body moving as one unit. | ||
| It just, I feel like where I'm... | ||
| Well, focusing also on the entire body is a balanced thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| As opposed to just like if I'm lifting something on my arm, just thinking about my arm. | ||
| When I'm high, I'm thinking about where my legs are positioned. | ||
| How am I gripping the ground with my toes? | ||
| Am I engaging my back? | ||
| Is my posture right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You know? | ||
| You just get real sensitive to all the different movements of the body. | ||
| And in jujitsu, it's legendary. | ||
| Like very, very few of these, especially like a lot of the Brazilian guys, they came over. | ||
| And it's one of the things that American guys were shocked at was how many Brazilian guys got high before they did jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Apparently super, super common, even back in the day. | ||
| And nowadays it's a big part of jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Marijuana and jujitsu go hand in hand. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| It's a huge part of jujitsu. | ||
| It's not everybody. | ||
| And there's some vehemently anti-pot people. | ||
| And that was one of the issues that a lot of the Gracies had with Eddie Bravo. | ||
| Because Eddie Bravo is like, he's not just pro-pot. | ||
| He's like an evangelist. | ||
| He's a guy who got me smoking pot. | ||
| He's not just saying, hey, it's not bad for you. | ||
| He's saying it's amazing for you. | ||
| You need to try this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And that's physical as well as mental. | |
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| You have a heightened sensitivity. | ||
| I think you have a heightened sensitivity and you also can get into a zone. | ||
| Part of jujitsu is about getting into a zone. | ||
| You gotta get into what's called a flow state. | ||
| And a lot of that comes from doing jujitsu enough to where it becomes second nature. | ||
| Moves become second nature. | ||
| If you make a mistake and you put your hand in a certain position, the guy doesn't have to think. | ||
| Okay, his arm's here. | ||
| That means I can shift my hips and throw my leg across his face. | ||
| It just happens. | ||
| It happens before you even think about it. | ||
| You make that mistake and he's got it. | ||
| Like, as you're making the mistake, he's like literally a half of a second behind you, every step of the way, capturing all of your mistakes, anticipating them and capturing them. | ||
| And that happens in this weird flow state. | ||
| And it happens better, for me at least, when I'm high. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| See, I guess that's the difference between boxing and jiu-jitsu. | ||
| In boxing, you could last a round or two as an unequal opponent, but in jiu-jitsu, they're going to find the weakness and exploit it pretty quickly. | ||
| Yeah, if you're athletic and fast, you can do surprisingly well in a boxing ring. | ||
| Surprisingly well. | ||
| Especially if you have advantages, physical advantages. | ||
| If you have a really good athlete, so you could take an Ocho Cinco, that Chad Ocho Cinco guy, super athlete, fast as fuck. | ||
| You know, and he knows how to throw punches a little bit, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| He's cocky as hell. | ||
| Cocky and just super athlete, so fast. | ||
| If you put that guy, give him a little bit of time to train, and you put him there with like a journeyman amateur boxer, not an amateur boxer that like wins world championships, but a guy who's had a few amateur fights under his belt, Ocho Cinco might fuck that dude up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Just based on his own physical advantages. | ||
| But if you put Ochocinco in a gi and put him on the ground with any Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, he's going to get fucked up. | ||
| Immediately. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| He's going to get wrapped up. | ||
| And here he is right here working out. | ||
| I mean, the dude is just, oh, damn, actually, he's got hands. | ||
| Working on a boxing gym. | ||
| Yeah, oh, dude, he can throw some punches. | ||
| He's very fast. | ||
| Yeah, so he would fuck up a lot of people. | ||
| He's very fast. | ||
| And it really is. | ||
| Cockiness is a big part of it, too. | ||
| The bravado of being able to stand in your shoes and face a guy. | ||
| For sure, but also physical ability, like he obviously has the ability to throw very fast punches there. | ||
| He'd be dangerous to anybody. | ||
| Looks like Godfrey. | ||
| John-Jacques Machado has one hand. | ||
| One of his hands is a thumb, okay? | ||
| And if John-Jacques Machado got ahold of Chad Ochocinco, he's going to sleep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100% of the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Every single time. | ||
| Every single time that they clinch up, If there's striking involved, it could be very different. | ||
| If he didn't want to grapple with them, that guy's probably so strong and so fast. | ||
| If he knew a few takedown defenses and knew how to stuff somebody, it would take a really good wrestler to bring him to the ground. | ||
| But if a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt got a hold of him, he's gonna get tapped every time. | ||
| It's just a different thing. | ||
| It's not completely dependent on athleticism. | ||
| Whereas, like, fighting is a lot of athleticism. | ||
| Movement is a lot of athleticism. | ||
| There's some guys that you see, they fight in the UFC, and even though they're doing well, it's like you know they're headed towards a cliff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, there's a certain... | ||
| Aspect they're missing in their movement. | ||
| There's a certain amount of speed They're missing certain amount of violence that they just can't they just they just can't put out They can't do it the way other guys can and there's some guys that just like Natural from the jump can do it way better than you in a lot of ways. | ||
| Yeah, and those guys are always gonna be champions There's this is like this champion body and his champion mindset and they vary you know the varies by looks and some of them are Some of them actually look like chubby, but it's not about what they look. | ||
| It's about what they can do with that body. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And some people just don't have it. | ||
| They just don't have it. | ||
| Well, yeah, because it's innate. | ||
| I mean, it's the innate sport. | ||
| It's survival. | ||
| You know, it's before there were weapons, and there was basically jujitsu. | ||
| There was guys that were just, you know, mixed martial arts. | ||
| That was... | ||
| Survival, yeah. | ||
| And there was no training for it. | ||
| Well, there was some training for a long time, and they've been training things for thousands and thousands of years. | ||
| I'm talking about cavemen, man. | ||
| Oh, cavemen. | ||
| Fuck, yeah. | ||
| I think there's, like, images on the walls and pyramids of some sort of grappling. | ||
| Like, people have been trying to figure out what's the best way to get people to the ground and beat the fuck out of them for a long time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's just, you know, until recently, they didn't really have it down, right? | ||
| They didn't really know what they were doing until the last 100 years or so. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the last 20 has been more... | ||
| There's been more evolution in the last 20 years in martial arts than the last 20,000. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Soon as they figured out mixed martial arts, UFC came along. | ||
| People started figuring out what works and what doesn't work. | ||
| And you realize, like, there's a lot of shit that people have been doing for a long time. | ||
| It's just nonsense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, and also, physical training is so different. | ||
| People, you know, understanding the way muscles work and, you know, what kind of aerobic exercise is best with, you know... | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| What do I know? | ||
| I... I get on a fucking elliptical machine for a half hour and watch CNN. Better than doing nothing. | ||
| I do about maybe seven or eight sets of stuff, and I'm gone. | ||
| And then I see Callan come in. | ||
| He works out in my gym. | ||
| Callan comes in and he does this 25-minute workout. | ||
| It looks like he's in a fistfight for 25 minutes in the gym. | ||
| Does he work out hard? | ||
| Oh yeah, really? | ||
| He works with this guy Lou, this trainer, and Lou just pushes him through and he's just like, it's this total like CrossFit kind of thing where he's up doing crunches and then he's push-ups and fucking crazy like kettlebells and then he's just like, see ya man! | ||
| Like, what the fuck was that? | ||
| Because it's only 25 minutes? | ||
| And he looks great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the way to do it. | |
| You see that guy's body at his age? | ||
| Whoa, easy. | ||
| No, seriously. | ||
| His cock is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Delicious? | ||
| What? | ||
| It's not delicious, but staring at the balls offsets the look. | ||
| Real close. | ||
| He works out at that box and burn place, too. | ||
| It's one of those cardio boxing places with Wayne McCullough. | ||
| Yeah, he's not at my gym as much since he moved. | ||
| He used to be on the west side. | ||
|
unidentified
|
West side? | |
| So he does boxing training? | ||
| Well, that's where he was. | ||
| He was doing it down in Santa Monica with Wayne McCullough. | ||
| You know Wayne McCullough, the former world champion? | ||
| He teaches people how to box down there. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, but Brian was getting hit in the head for a while. | ||
| I had to talk to him about it. | ||
| I'm like, why are you sparring with people? | ||
| He's getting whacked in the head. | ||
| I'm like, dude, you're already an impulsive, ridiculous person. | ||
| Maybe she shouldn't be getting punched by random 20-year-olds. | ||
| Protect what you've got left. | ||
| That ask you if you want to spar. | ||
| She's saying, okay, he's sparring with people. | ||
| Like, whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Easy, buddy. | ||
| Yeah, that's not necessary. | ||
| Yeah, that's not good for you. | ||
| You spar though? | ||
| You just spar jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Jiu-jitsu sparring is different because you're not getting hit in the head. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
| Look, you can spar as long as you spar with someone you trust and you're gonna get hit a few times. | ||
| But it's not a few times you really have to worry about. | ||
| It's the accumulation of many, many gym wars that really winds up fucking guys up. | ||
| That's more common than you think. | ||
| You ever grapple with Joey Diaz? | ||
| No. | ||
| You don't want Joey on top of you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll tell you that. | |
| You gotta stream that, man. | ||
| If you set up a match with you and Joey Diaz just to see it physically... | ||
| What if he... | ||
| No. | ||
| What if he dies? | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| What a way to go. | ||
| Imagine you trying to give a eulogy at the funeral. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| Everybody's so mad at me. | ||
| I'm sorry, everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You went too hard, Rogan, you fucking asshole. | |
| I would just let him tap me. | ||
| You couldn't, though. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| You'd have to kill him. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You'd have to kill Joey Diaz. | |
| If he got you in side control, I guarantee you Joey knows how to hold his weight down. | ||
| He's learned from Higa Machado. | ||
| Higa Machado is a legit world championship caliber black belt, and he's teaching Joey real jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Joey's 300 pounds. | ||
| If he gets on top of you and gets side control, good luck getting out of there. | ||
| You think he could hold you? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I wouldn't want to find out. | ||
| I wouldn't want him on top of me. | ||
| That should be what the video is. | ||
| He starts on top of you. | ||
| It's whether or not you can get away from Joey Diaz. | ||
| That would get about a million downloads. | ||
| I don't want to do it. | ||
| I'll help. | ||
| I'm scared. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll help. | |
| I'll go under there with you. | ||
| We can both fit. | ||
| I'll bring a knife. | ||
| Together we might not get out. | ||
| You know, we'll be like those two guys at that prison in upstate New York who got the power tools to escape. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| You didn't hear about that? | ||
| When was this? | ||
| Oh, this is the greatest fucking story of the year. | ||
| Two dudes in a maximum security prison in upstate New York. | ||
| 3,000 inmates. | ||
| These dudes got through fucking inch thick steel walls. | ||
| they'd stolen from the prison, went down into the piping, like classic old school, like Birdman. | ||
| Clint Eastwood movie. | ||
| Clint Eastwood movie. | ||
| And they went into the sewer pipes and they came up through a manhole cover on the other side they've been missing since Saturday, Friday night. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| They have no fucking idea where they are. | ||
| So they're out in the wild. | ||
| They're out in the wild. | ||
| And they escaped at night and they didn't find them until the morning. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| And they left a little post-it note saying, see you later. | ||
| A little Chinese guy smiling. | ||
| Why Chinese guy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it was racist. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Well, it said, see you raider. | ||
| Did it really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Go to that store. | ||
| I need to see more, Jamie. | ||
| Don't turn away. | ||
| Go up to the top. | ||
| But, like, when is it loud enough that you can use fucking power tools? | ||
| Power tools and a ruse. | ||
| And where's your... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What was the ruse? | ||
| They left stuffed-up pillows with a hoodie. | ||
| I mean, the classic stuffed bed for bed check. | ||
| What did these guys do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Murderers. | |
| One murdered a cop. | ||
| They're looking for them in the wilderness and rural communities of northern New York. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Wow, it's like right out of a fucking movie. | ||
| Or even Canada. | ||
| They had a dummy fashioned out of sweatshirts using power tools to drill out of their cells. | ||
| The Clinton Correctional Facility, the men made their getaway late Friday or early Saturday, emerging on the other side of the prison's 30-foot tall walls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| How good must it have felt to get out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| How good must it have felt to just drill through that hole? | ||
| That's, see... | ||
| That raising Arizona moment where you're birthed. | ||
| Remember that moment where John Goodman comes out of the earth and it's muddy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it's like he's being born? | ||
| I wonder how the fuck they could get away with this. | ||
| Is there a way to get away with it ultimately in this day and age? | ||
| I mean, this is a crazy day and age. | ||
| Everyone's got a credit card. | ||
| You know, it's hard to just have cash. | ||
| Well, also, you know, they're going to put their faces out on digital media. | ||
| Let's see their faces. | ||
| And the other crazy thing is their cells were next to each other. | ||
| So not only did they tunnel out, they tunneled in between their two cells. | ||
| Dude, there's a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| Employee questioned. | ||
| Yeah, this guy was supposed to maybe pick them up and then he bailed. | ||
| He was going to pick them up on the outside. | ||
| But he went to the hospital instead? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I hate CNN.com because they always launch a video on you. | ||
| I don't want the video. | ||
| Yeah, let me read. | ||
| I can still read. | ||
| Investigators think a woman who worked with Richard Matt and David Sweat at the Clinton Correctional Facility planned to pick up the convicted killers after they escaped, but changed her mind in the last minute. | ||
| So she worked there. | ||
| She went to a hospital this weekend because of panic attacks. | ||
| Yeah, there's a little stress. | ||
| She's probably feeling a little stress. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Can you imagine the stress of helping murderers get out of the cage? | ||
| So what was going on? | ||
| Let me see what she looked like. | ||
| Because somebody must have been giving her some dick. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Yeah, most prison guards are really hot. | ||
| Right to it, Jamie. | ||
| Yeah, that's exactly what was happening. | ||
| Somebody was slinging some dick her way. | ||
| I would. | ||
| If I was in prison? | ||
| She needed it. | ||
| Yeah, listen, first of all, that is gold in prison, that woman. | ||
| I mean, it's hard to get any love in at all. | ||
| Doesn't matter if she's a little overweight. | ||
| If she's kind to you and she's female, you'd be super psyched. | ||
| I'm trying to think how low the bar could go if I was in prison. | ||
| It could get really low. | ||
| A small guy. | ||
| Asian? | ||
| Whatever you want. | ||
| I'm gonna go Asian on this one. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| Poor bitch. | ||
| Double chin, glasses. | ||
| She's enormous. | ||
| Probably a food addict. | ||
| Can't see. | ||
| She's been attacked. | ||
| And she was in love. | ||
| She's had poop thrown at her for the last 20 years. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| What's going on now, man? | ||
| What's going on with her? | ||
| She's... | ||
| She must have confessed, right? | ||
| The trouble is that these guys... | ||
| One was a cop killer, so her helping them in any way, she's got to be... | ||
| She's walking dead inside. | ||
| She's fucked. | ||
| She's fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, not only is she walking dead inside, she's going to jail. | ||
| Well, we don't know what she did. | ||
| She probably made a deal. | ||
| She made a deal, but she didn't do it. | ||
| And then backed out of it, but it doesn't matter. | ||
| Is that a crime? | ||
| Yeah, because she knew that these guys were escaping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| These guys are free. | ||
| So if these guys, these free men... | ||
| Look at the creeps. | ||
| Look at them. | ||
| Creepers. | ||
| They look really creepy. | ||
| They do. | ||
| Well, they're real murderers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at them. | ||
| If you just think about running into them, I mean, if you're someone who runs into them and then you get kidnapped or you get killed because they're trying to get a car or something like that, that woman is almost directly responsible for that. | ||
| She could have prevented it. | ||
| Well, and they're going to kill people because there's no going back. | ||
| Yeah, there's no going back. | ||
| They'll be in solitary for the rest of their lives no matter what. | ||
| Slain deputy's brother. | ||
| I just hope he doesn't come back. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, because there's a part of you that, I hate to say this, that pulls for them just because it's so fucking crazy, but then you gotta remind yourself that they're pieces of shit. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You gotta remind yourself, like, what if that was your brother that they shot and killed? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it is easy, because of all the movies you see, to... | ||
| Come up with a plan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, people have these fucking cells, and they're in them for 20 hours a day. | ||
| You have time to think. | ||
| That's all you're thinking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Whereas the guards are thinking about a thousand things. | ||
| They think they got everything covered, but you start putting data together. | ||
| Like, I know that the guard is at this spot at 2 o'clock. | ||
| At 2.15 he goes down usually to take a piss. | ||
| You know, and you have these ideas in your head of how this is going to plan out. | ||
| And when you see a path, you see a path, and you've been studying it for years and years and years, you just run for it. | ||
| Just run for some weird path. | ||
| Look, I got a son. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Because I know when I was 13, 14 years old, and I was grounded... | ||
| I was fucking out of there. | ||
| I was on the second story, but over a sheer drop, and there was a ledge outside my window that was about two feet long at a 45 degree angle with old shingles on it. | ||
| And I used to have to go out my window and shimmy holding the window frames of all the other windows all the way across to the side of the house where I could jump down. | ||
| And I used to go out every night and I'd climb back in again off a ladder that I would kick over. | ||
| And they never caught me until one night I came home and I was drunk as shit. | ||
| And I remember my father threw a beating on me. | ||
| So I went upstairs and I was like, fuck this! | ||
| So I opened up the window and I guess I was like, you know, going loud because I was so mad. | ||
| And so all of a sudden I looked down in the backyard and there's my mother and my father. | ||
| My father goes, Greg, get off the roof. | ||
| You're drunk. | ||
| And I shot like a squirrel over the top of the roof and onto the front yard, dove down, ran down the hill, ran away for like three days. | ||
| Oh my God, you rebel. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Three days? | |
| Yeah, and the whole time I was gone, I was like, they don't fucking know where I am. | ||
| I'm at my best friend's house, and he lives in like this tenement, and he's got a single mom. | ||
| And meanwhile, she had called him. | ||
| What do you think, a parent's not going to call another parent when their kid is staying at their house? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It literally didn't occur to me that they were on to me. | |
| So did they let you stay there for a few days to cool off? | ||
| Was that the idea? | ||
| They wanted nothing to do with it. | ||
| And I remember coming home after three days. | ||
| I cooled down and I remember walking home. | ||
| It was a Sunday night and the sun had gone down. | ||
| And I walked through my backyard and I looked in the living room window and my mom was up, one light on, reading the newspaper. | ||
| And I just remember looking at her thinking, she was just so all alone. | ||
| And it struck me for the first time, like, wow, she really, she missed me. | ||
| You know, like, I was missed. | ||
| Because in my mind the whole time I was like, fuck them, they were the enemy, they don't care about me. | ||
| And then I came in the house and I was expecting to get another beating and instead she's just like very cold. | ||
| It was like, go to your room. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And I was like, how do you think this fucking thing started? | ||
| Okay, ladder again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to see my scroll routine again? | |
| I gave it a shot. | ||
| Fuck it, I'm done. | ||
| And how old were you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's probably 14. There's a lot of people who have left and ran away from home around that age. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the age, right? | ||
| Between 14 and 17? | ||
| Yeah, my kid's 14 now. | ||
| I'm riding it real gentle. | ||
| A little loose on the reins. | ||
| Give them some space. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you can't let them be upset with you. | |
| Can't let them be upset with you. | ||
| No, I'm trying to stay... | ||
| First of all, it's a very existential thing that my son is bigger than me. | ||
| He's an athlete. | ||
| He's in better shape. | ||
| He's stronger. | ||
| He's bigger. | ||
| So he can kick your ass? | ||
| No. | ||
| He can't kick my ass, no. | ||
| You sure? | ||
| No. | ||
| What if he learns? | ||
| He's a black belt in Taekwondo. | ||
| I told you that. | ||
| So how come he don't think he can kick your ass? | ||
| Because I think you're intimidated by your dad. | ||
| I don't think that you can let yourself beat up your dad. | ||
| That's my only weapon right now. | ||
| I could fuck my dad up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Back then, too. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, when I was... | ||
| Is that my fucking car? | ||
| Find out. | ||
| I had a problem with it before. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So how come you never did? | ||
| I didn't want to. | ||
| But I wasn't really physically threatened. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Checking shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My car went off out here for like an hour one night. | |
| I didn't know it was my car. | ||
| I was like, whose fucking car is going off like that? | ||
| Somebody hit me. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Dude, when you have a parking lot with a bunch of people out in the parking lot, they're always bumping into cars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right. | |
| People are half paying attention. | ||
| They're texting. | ||
| They're parking, doing a really shitty job of it, pulling out. | ||
| I saw somebody hit somebody the other day with one of these big-ass Ford pickup trucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These big long-bed pickup trucks. | ||
| Fucking assholes. | ||
| Just backs up in someone's car. | ||
| If you live in a city, come on. | ||
| Well, I mean, I don't know where this guy lived, but I remember watching him back up going, do you know how to drive that fuck? | ||
| Oh, you fucking dummy. | ||
| He just got way too... | ||
| And that's a big-ass metal bumper and fucked up some guy's light. | ||
| Now, I'm not a racist... | ||
| Or homophobic. | ||
| Yeah, I am. | ||
| But not... | ||
| I wouldn't call myself that. | ||
| But I got a problem with people in cities that drive pickup trucks. | ||
| I find them as a people to be bad people. | ||
| I find them to be closed-minded and overly aggressive. | ||
| Suge Knight ran over those people in a pickup truck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He was in a Raptor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was he? | |
| Ford Raptors. | ||
| It's not even a good one, right? | ||
| It's a great one. | ||
| Oh, it is? | ||
| Probably the best one. | ||
| Oh, no shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's a pickup truck with like a real off-road suspension. | ||
| Like you could drive, people take those things out into the sand dunes. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| Sure they do. | ||
| Raptors? | ||
| Ford Raptors? | ||
| A few people do. | ||
| Most people buy them and they never leave the fucking pavement. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But if you wanted to, those things have amazing off-road capabilities. | ||
| My neighbor has one. | ||
| Well, I think about... | ||
| Oh, holy shit! | ||
| That's the new one. | ||
| That's badass. | ||
| That's the 2015. Oh, they're beasts, dude. | ||
| Oh, and it's got that plate in the front? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| What's that called again? | ||
| What's that plate called? | ||
| Splash guard, I think it is. | ||
| But the thing is, when I think about the apocalypse or some type of gas attack that hits L.A. Think of one of those? | ||
| Well, because the roads are all going to be closed. | ||
| And when I was a kid, we used to ride motorcycles underneath. | ||
| There were power lines that ran from New York City all the way straight upstate. | ||
| And at any given point, you could get underneath those power lines because they had a service road because they got to service the power lines. | ||
| So there's always a dirt path, and it's the greatest for motorcycle riding. | ||
| But I'm sure there's the same thing in L.A. There's got to be a way out underneath those power lines. | ||
| So if the 405 is going to be shut down, 10 shut down, the only way out is going to be in a truck like that on a road like that. | ||
| There's got to be ways that you could get up to San Francisco without driving a road, but I can't imagine them. | ||
| How could you do it? | ||
| You need some wire cutters. | ||
| Well, you'd have to go through, you definitely have wire cutters, but you'd also have to go through some mountains and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're not going to get through mountains and that thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Then you would need one of those, even you wouldn't be able to do that. | ||
| I was thinking you need one of those Jeeps that you can crawl with, you know, rock crawling. | ||
| You ever see people do that shit? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, what about that path that what's-her-name took in Wilde, Reese Witherspoon? | ||
| I don't think that's real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, it is! | |
| Of course it is! | ||
| That's like saying the Titanic movie. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| Yeah, that's not real. | ||
| That was fake. | ||
| They were all actors. | ||
| They were all actors and actresses. | ||
| Didn't she walk? | ||
| Yeah, but what do you think? | ||
| You can't take a truck where somebody can walk? | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| Oh yeah, she jumped through some riverbeds. | ||
| Get through those trees in your truck, chop down all the trees, make an obvious path, and then it'll follow you. | ||
| Maybe you need a motorcycle. | ||
| That won't even work. | ||
| You couldn't take a motorcycle through the mountains. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You'd get to the top, you'd fall, you'd land on you, break your leg, you'd die up there, wolves would eat you. | ||
| Fuck, man, that's no way to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I'll take the gas attack back in LA. At least there's sushi. | ||
| It's hard to figure out whether you would want to die instantly in Apocalypse or whether you'd want to be the next group of survivors that eventually, five generations later, became the new civilization. | ||
| Because the first couple civilizations, it's going to be fucking Genghis Khan times. | ||
| It'll be Mad Max. | ||
| It'll be the worst aspects of The Walking Dead. | ||
| There will be only rape. | ||
| There will be no consensual sex. | ||
| It's going to be like it is in certain parts of the Congo. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You know, places right now that are really remote and fucked up. | ||
| That's what the whole world would be like. | ||
| Yeah, but there might be some fun to surviving and then dying, like being a part of the wave of people that are staggering around with their eyes burning, but you're one of the ones that is healthy compared to them for a while. | ||
| So you kind of feel like there's this ultimate reality show happening, and you're one of the finalists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're winning! | |
| You are the survivor. | ||
| Congratulations, Greg. | ||
| The rest of the world is dead. | ||
| You get all the fish and coconuts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And just as you're rounding up all the coconuts, all of a sudden you go, NO! You got the virus, too. | ||
| You had a slightly better immune system. | ||
| You lasted a few extra days. | ||
| But I got the coconuts! | ||
| It's why that show, Lost, was always so intriguing. | ||
| Because everybody wondered, like, what would you do if you were removed from the rest of civilization? | ||
| How would you survive? | ||
| What would life be like? | ||
| I know, and they kind of nailed it because they humanized it. | ||
| Like Planet of the Apes and all that, everybody's very stoic and they've got the same... | ||
| That was a bunch of real people reacting in real ways. | ||
| Yeah, some were weak, some were strong, some had character. | ||
| The fat guy. | ||
| Some had a rise to the occasion. | ||
| Some gave their life in sacrifice. | ||
| Some became leaders automatically. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, in a lot of ways, it explored one of the main thoughts that people have when they look at the fragile nature of society. | ||
| Like, if it falls apart, how would I do? | ||
| What would happen? | ||
| What would it be like? | ||
| And that's what a show like that covers. | ||
| Gilligan's Island, you know? | ||
| Although, no one fucked Ginger or Marianne. | ||
| There's no one fucked at all. | ||
| If you want to talk about one of the most unrealistic shows of all time, Gilligan's Island had to be, because there was no sex. | ||
| There was no sex, and yet all their basic human needs were pretty well met, because the professor built these kick-ass huts. | ||
| They had a lagoon stuffed with fish. | ||
| It was like they were in Eden, so they had plenty. | ||
| It's not like they didn't have time to hit on Ginger. | ||
| Make her a necklace out of some coral. | ||
| And they were always trying to leave and go back to civilization. | ||
| And all the people in civilization would watch that show going, dude, you're in paradise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This girl can't do any better than you because there's no one else. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You're trapped with like the hottest woman on the world. | ||
| The movie star. | ||
| The professor and Marianne. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here on Gilligan's Isle. | |
| And the professor wasn't a bad looking dude. | ||
| He's a handsome bastard. | ||
| He could have hooked up with either one of those chicks. | ||
| Look how fucking hot she was. | ||
| She was a fucking animal. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| Look at that shit. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look how fucking hot she is. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| She wore some skimpy outfits too, didn't she? | ||
| Of course she did. | ||
| I love how they pretended she had like cheetah skin outfits on. | ||
| Where are you killing a cheetah? | ||
| Did you skin that cheetah? | ||
| Like, how the fuck did you make that? | ||
| Look how hot she was. | ||
| They really, they uglied Marianne down too, but they kept her, she had a good body. | ||
| Oh, she was hot as fuck. | ||
| I thought Marianne was hotter. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| She was more my type. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, the Ginger, she just seemed like she needed a lot of work. | ||
| Look how hot Marianne is. | ||
| To say that Marianne was not the hot one, what the fuck, man? | ||
| Really? | ||
| How's that possible? | ||
| Marianne is hot as fuck, dude. | ||
| Yeah, she is. | ||
| Ginger's just slightly different. | ||
| Just Ginger's trying too hard. | ||
| Marianne's got a straw hat on. | ||
| Marianne, she's the girl in the barn giving out handjobs. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You marry her, bro. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| No, you marry Mrs. Howell. | ||
| You gotta bring her a lot of jewelry, but you marry her. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| Yeah, look at Marianne's body in that. | ||
| Look at her ass. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| She had that 70s body, too. | ||
| A little wider in the hips. | ||
| A little thick at the top of the leg. | ||
| But the flat-ass belly with the recessed belly button. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Any shots of the feet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gilligan. | |
| That old-school foot fetish. | ||
| Oh, they're wearing high-heeled shoes on the rowboat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What a weird, weird, weird show. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What a weird dynamic as far as only three women. | ||
| Three women and two of them were young and stupid hot with no suitors. | ||
| No obvious suitor. | ||
| There wasn't like a football player that was also on this three-hour tour who crashed there with them. | ||
| Some big brawny dick-slinging savage from the Iowa cornfields. | ||
| Doing deadlifts with palm trees and shit, trying to stay fit on the island. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, there's no one. | ||
| There was Gilligan, who was ambiguously sexual. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you didn't know what he was. | ||
| He was a boy child. | ||
| He might have been gay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He did no masturbation. | ||
| His shirt was always clean. | ||
| It was red and always, like, absolutely squeaky clean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he always had that stupid hat on, and then there was the professor, and then there was the skipper who was this slob who just stayed fat despite the fact that, you know, there's no pasta, there's no bread up there. | ||
| Where's he getting all the sugar from? | ||
| He never lost any weight. | ||
| It's incredible that he could keep the weight on because they also had to be rounding shit up. | ||
| They had to be active. | ||
| Just to survive. | ||
| They all had tailored clothes. | ||
| Look at the professor's shirt. | ||
| The professor was a J.Crew catalog. | ||
| His shirt never showed any sign whatsoever of fatigue. | ||
| Like, he's out there with one fucking shirt in the middle of the jungle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It looks amazing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It'd be like the greatest shirt advertisement of all time. | ||
| Iron, too. | ||
| It's ironed as fuck. | ||
| Look how crispy the collar is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And look at Skipper. | ||
| He's got that stupid hat on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He makes sure he wears a Skipper hat so everybody knows his rank. | ||
| And that's the crazy thing. | ||
| And Mr. Howell, he's a millionaire, which by the way, think back to that actually meant something back then. | ||
| Having a million dollars meant you had trunks and trunks of clothes and jewelry. | ||
| And he basically did nothing. | ||
| He never did any lifting. | ||
| He never did any work. | ||
| Meanwhile, I would be like, motherfucker, money doesn't mean anything on this island. | ||
| Anymore. | ||
| Go rake up the beach. | ||
| You gotta wonder, how did he get that money? | ||
| Did he win the lottery? | ||
| Was he given that money? | ||
| Is it a family? | ||
| Do we know that? | ||
| Is it his family money? | ||
| Who's the black and white gal in the middle there? | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| That's Tina Louise? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She got even hotter. | |
| How is that possible? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| This is what she looks like now? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Why'd that sound happen at the exact same time you clicked on that? | ||
| How rude. | ||
| Go to view image. | ||
| Blow that bitch up. | ||
| This is what she looks like now? | ||
| Well, she's got to be like quite old now, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, time, you bitch. | |
| Time, you bitch. | ||
| How dare you, 2015? | ||
| Look at the tits, though. | ||
| Go big on that. | ||
| View image. | ||
| Age restricted. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Oh, that is a goddamn shame. | ||
| Time is a ruthless motherfucker. | ||
| It's not like she avoided the knife, either. | ||
| I hope they made the money. | ||
| Sometimes you find out in those sitcoms they didn't make shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, they didn't. | |
| They did not. | ||
| They did not. | ||
| That was a long time ago. | ||
| Probably signing pictures at conventions and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because none of them worked again. | ||
| Poor gal. | ||
| I don't remember seeing any of them in anything else. | ||
| No. | ||
| Gilligan, he would do like these fan things. | ||
| Oh, love boat and shit. | ||
| Well, they would do these fan experiences. | ||
| They'd pay to take photos with him and shit. | ||
| I think they did that. | ||
| I don't know if he did that, but a lot of like... | ||
| A lot of stars wind up doing that. | ||
| They do autograph signings. | ||
| And what's the range of conversations you have at that? | ||
| Here, you be Gilligan. | ||
| I'll be a fan that's coming up to you. | ||
| There's a bunch of people in line, and then every conversation is rushed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because there's a bunch of people behind you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey, I loved you as Gilligan. | ||
| Thank you, thank you. | ||
| Move along, please. | ||
| Hey, was there... | ||
| Did you guys really go to an island for that? | ||
| I'm sorry, sir. | ||
| If you want to answer questions, it costs more. | ||
| We'll do it afterwards. | ||
| Ginger or Marianne? | ||
| Just one more thing. | ||
| Ginger. | ||
| You can't say that. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Because we're at a signing. | ||
| You just broke my heart. | ||
| Okay, Marianne. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Here's $20 for the bad conversation. | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| That same conversation over and over and over for five hours a day, and that's the only way you can pay your rent. | ||
| But isn't that better than working at a shitty job and making terrible money? | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| It just sucks in perspective. | ||
| Like, if you just saw what she looked like, you're like, yeah, that's a lady in her 70s. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But if you saw what she looked like when she was in her 20s and then saw what she looked like in her 70s, that's when it hurts your feelings. | ||
| That's tough on women, because with men... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| How is she still hot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's 74? | |
| She looks good. | ||
| She looks good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Marianne was the one. | ||
| Dawn Wells. | ||
| Marianne was clearly the one, because she's still very pretty at 74 years old. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, Tina Louise was a lot of makeup and fashion. | ||
| Marianne was just pure... | ||
| There's your answer. | ||
| Boy. | ||
| Let's see a picture of Gilligan today. | ||
| Much more forgiving, I bet. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Gilligan from Gilligan's Island now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look how good the professor looks up top. | |
| Yeah, but dude, is that the professor? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He's like Michael Caine. | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| He's about a hundred years old. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Who's that guy? | ||
| That's the skipper! | ||
| No, fuck it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| It is. | ||
| Oh my god, he lost all the weight. | ||
| Except the nose didn't lose the weight. | ||
| Every other part of him did. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's interesting, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting when someone would get on a show like that and be a huge star, like I Dream of Jeannie. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| What a piece of ass she was. | ||
| She was hot as fuck. | ||
| But she would go from that and not do much after that, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the guy who played Her boyfriend on it? | ||
| Didn't they swap them out? | ||
| Larry Hagman. | ||
| They swapped them out. | ||
| Did they? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Larry Hagman. | ||
| No, they had a different one. | ||
| Was it I Dream of Jeannie or Bewitched? | ||
| I'm thinking of Bewitched. | ||
| Darren got swapped out. | ||
| Bewitched. | ||
| Bewitched, there was two different guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, there were a couple shows that swapped the guy out. | ||
| The main guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| In Bewitched, they swapped the main guy. | ||
| Somebody held up on his contract and they went, really? | ||
| Not about you, pal. | ||
| Larry Hagman went on to do a lot of shit. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| He did a million different things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not a good example, but I was thinking of... | |
| Well, F Troop, actually. | ||
| Richard Dawson went on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, F Troop. | ||
| A lot of those guys went on. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of those guys went on. | ||
| I was confusing Bewitched with I Dream and Jeannie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they were both super hot women. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| The Bewitched Lady. | ||
| What is her name? | ||
| Tabitha Stevens? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Bewitched? | ||
| That's also the name of a porn star. | ||
| Yeah, I think Tabitha Stevens is the porn star. | ||
| Bewitched. | ||
| What was her name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's right. | ||
| She was a really hot witch. | ||
| She was hot as shit. | ||
| There's another pitch. | ||
| I just love that you could go in and pitch a genie that this dude locks in a bottle. | ||
| But Bewitched was a witch. | ||
| She would do that thing with her nose. | ||
| Oh, where I'm thinking of dreaming. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Remember she would do things with her nose and she was like a really nice witch? | ||
| And she could do anything, but he wouldn't let her. | ||
| It was a total fucking male chauvinist pig show. | ||
| It was all about a woman's ability to do things and a man holding her back. | ||
| And I Dream of Jeannie was the same thing. | ||
| Yeah, he wouldn't let her... | ||
| He locked her up and wouldn't let her reach her powers. | ||
| I wonder which one stole the money or stole the idea from who? | ||
| Because it's kind of the same story in a way. | ||
| It's very archetypal. | ||
| The story is very similar. | ||
| Yeah, but wait, go back to that picture for a second. | ||
| Magical woman, controlling man. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's got his hand over her mouth, and he's pointing in her face in an aggressive, abusive way, and she looks scared. | ||
| And that was on a sitcom before. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| Meanwhile, she could turn him into a fucking broom. | ||
| Right. | ||
| She'd do whatever she wants. | ||
| Turned his dick into jello. | ||
| But she loved him, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He knew. | |
| He knew she loved him. | ||
| No matter what, they were assholes. | ||
| He was an asshole, and Larry Hagman was such a douche on that show. | ||
| All you could think was like, dude, why don't you just get a nice bed and breakfast with this bitch up in Santa Barbara and go enjoy the greatest pussy of all time. | ||
| Yeah, go fuck the genie. | ||
| What's wrong with you, dude? | ||
| Enjoy the hot genie. | ||
| The bottomless bucket of blowjob that she's gonna offer you. | ||
| And magic. | ||
| And she loves you. | ||
| And she loved him. | ||
| And he wasn't interested. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| She lived in a bottle. | ||
| Fucking speciesist asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which one was the original Darren? | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| There's two different ones? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's the difference between Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie. | ||
| They're both hot as fuck. | ||
| Jeannie was beyond hot. | ||
| They're both hot as fuck. | ||
| I know, but Jeannie was crazy hot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know, man. | |
| Oh, yeah, you know what? | ||
| Upper left-hand corner, you're right. | ||
| Look at that right there. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| That was your answer right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Barbara Eden was just stunning. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're both hot as fuck. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You're so happy to be with either one of them. | ||
| No, Bewitched was pretty. | ||
| She's a 10. Jeannie was just a fucking splurge monkey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She was. | |
| Look at her with that outfit, too. | ||
| Look at that belly in the top, right? | ||
| Bare midriff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, you good kid, you. | ||
| Look at that body. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| She's probably like 50, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's probably old as fuck, but look at her body, man. | ||
| Even when she got older, her body was tremendous. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| You get to marry a woman that stays in shape. | ||
| But they don't make shows like this anymore. | ||
| Why do you think that is? | ||
| You know, they did Third Rock from the Sun, and that had a nice big run. | ||
| And then fantasy sitcoms kind of went away after that. | ||
| Is it a ray or a rye? | ||
| I always fucked that up. | ||
| A rye. | ||
| I meant a way and I fucked up and said a ray. | ||
| And then you saved me by saying a rye. | ||
| Like niche or niche. | ||
| I guess you could say both. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone said, you're not saying it right. | ||
| And then I said, are you sure? | ||
| And then I looked it up and apparently you could say both ways. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Niche or niche. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So there is no, like, is that correct? | ||
| I don't think there's a correct way. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Your niche. | ||
| Niche sounds better though. | ||
| Sounds like you're sophisticated. | ||
| Did you say Porsche or Porsche? | ||
| Porsche, because I own one. | ||
| I have to say it right. | ||
| Oh, you should only be able to say it that way if you have one. | ||
| Yeah, well, no. | ||
| You should say it correctly, no matter what. | ||
| But my friend Maurice Smith, he was the first one to correct me. | ||
| I go, yeah, it's a nice Porsche. | ||
| He goes, Porsche. | ||
| Porsche. | ||
| Say Porsche. | ||
| That's what it's called. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's like a white trash thing, you know? | ||
| What about Jaguar? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jaguar. | |
| Is it Jaguar? | ||
| You have to say Jaguar. | ||
| Well, it's not owned by English people anymore. | ||
| We say Jaguar. | ||
| What kind of a cat is it? | ||
| It's a Jaguar. | ||
| Does that have a cat on the bumper? | ||
| Yeah, but it's not Jaguar. | ||
| It's Jaguar. | ||
| Some Americans say Jaguar and it really is douche flag number one. | ||
| Jaguar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Jaguar in Afghanistan. | |
| Callan might say Jaguar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you talk to Callan about it, he might say Jaguar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| I literally almost just said, I bet Callan says Jaguar. | ||
| He's so good at pronouncing things correctly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Afghanistan. | |
| But he fucking grew up in a million different countries all over the world. | ||
| I have a Jaguar in Chile. | ||
| In Chile. | ||
| I actually say Chile because I was there once, and it really is like ugly American to not say Chile. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really ugly American. | ||
| Let me hear for Chile. | ||
| Chile. | ||
| Can I get a case of deer? | ||
| Well, there's certain countries where we just name them. | ||
| We don't like your name. | ||
| We call you something different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like Deutschland? | ||
| Mm. | ||
| Germany. | ||
| We like Germany better. | ||
| Netherlands? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Holland. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the really... | ||
| There's one really... | ||
| Oh, Japan. | ||
| They don't call it Japan. | ||
| They didn't. | ||
| It was Nippon. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We call it Japan. | ||
| Like, you got your own name now, bitch. | ||
| We're like the Ellis Island of countries. | ||
| We tell you what your new name is. | ||
| These guys had escaped. | ||
| They're in upstate New York. | ||
| Are they near the woods? | ||
| Is that what they're near? | ||
| This is a good time to do that. | ||
| It's the northeast corner of New York, so they're pretty near Canada. | ||
| Oh, so they're just going to go to Canada. | ||
| See the fucking note? | ||
| Have a nice day. | ||
| With a racist picture of a Chinese guy with buck teeth and slanted eyes. | ||
| Do you think they're trying to say that they're going to China? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| It is an interesting choice. | ||
| And it looks like the circle was made with like a protractor. | ||
| Those lines are dead straight. | ||
| That wasn't an afterthought. | ||
| Yeah, that's a beautiful line. | ||
| Yeah, the triangle's perfect too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Have a nice day. | ||
| And it looks like it's held on with a magnet or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep, that's exactly what it's held on with. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| They're hilarious murderers who carved into steel pipes, and how the fuck did they know where that steel pipe went to? | ||
| Well, that's where there must have been people on the inside. | ||
| And again, if you think being a fucking prisoner is bad, being a guard, they say, might even be worse. | ||
| So now you're going to work every day, having shit thrown at you, worried about being killed, breaking up fights, total monotony, and then on top of it, so you get a chance to maybe, maybe these guys are siphoning money to you from some relatives on the outside or a gang on the outside, and all of a sudden you got an extra 20 grand because you got the schematics of the pipes. | ||
| From the office when the boss wasn't looking, you're going to do it. | ||
| Look at this fucking, what they were in jail for. | ||
| Sweat was serving a life sentence for shooting a sheriff's deputy 15 times in 2002. Matt was in prison for the kidnapping, murder, and dismemberment of a man who had fired him from his job at a food warehouse. | ||
| Well, it was a food warehouse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a tough one. | |
| It's a good gig. | ||
| You get it. | ||
| You got to protect it. | ||
| You gotta kill and dismember for that one. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So these are sick, psychopathic dudes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He has tattoos on his back that say, Mexico forever. | ||
| Well, I guess we know where they're headed. | ||
| It's a ruse, though. | ||
| That's the ruse. | ||
| They went to Canada. | ||
| Canada forever. | ||
| That's gonna be his new tattoo. | ||
| Well, you could live in Mexico. | ||
| You're not gonna survive in Canada once it gets cold. | ||
| If you escape into the border and you go deep, deep, deep into Mexico, you might conceivably reach some place where people never question who you are and you eek out some existence as a laborer or something like that. | ||
| And they're not on the same websites. | ||
| The Canadians are on the lookout. | ||
| If you live within 500 miles of that escape, you're on high alert. | ||
| And you're looking at the pictures. | ||
| And if a couple dudes wander into town that nobody knows, it's over. | ||
| Yeah, no doubt about it. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| And anybody that's in the woods that lives out there, you're going to be on high guard, watching out for your supplies, maybe having a gun when you enter into your house. | ||
| Those people all have guns. | ||
| You've got to really worry about being in Canada, too, because that's where people try to go when they escape. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like you're escaping from literal imprisonment, like someone locking you in a cage like a rat. | ||
| And you get out of that cage, just this fucking, I've got to make this work. | ||
| I'm free. | ||
| And how much food do you have? | ||
| And how much time do you have? | ||
| How much of this plan have you really set into motion? | ||
| 50% of it? | ||
| 100%? | ||
| Where's the girl? | ||
| The girl's not here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| She's hiding in a fucking bitch. | ||
| I'll kill her. | ||
| I'll kill that fucking bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Calm down. | ||
| Once you realize... | ||
| Alright, what are we gonna do? | ||
| What are we gonna do? | ||
| Chubby McChubberson didn't get in her fucking minivan and pick you up at the forest. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm gonna rip the fucking whiskers out of her chin. | ||
| And then you've got to know how much we push forward and how much do we just stay and hide. | ||
| It's like a fine line. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like a chess match. | ||
| You've got to make every right move. | ||
| You know what you do? | ||
| The guy who killed and dismembered probably kills the other guy and starts eating him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you can only keep him for a few days. | ||
| It's warm up there right now. | ||
| It's June. | ||
| This is one of the worst times to try to keep meat. | ||
| No, you get two dinners and a brunch out of him. | ||
| That's about it. | ||
| You're going to have to cut away the rotten spots. | ||
| Carry a ham hock with you and dig into it when you're on the run. | ||
| What's the first spot you eat? | ||
| Well, on an animal, you take the strip of meat that protects the spine. | ||
| It's called the back strap. | ||
| On each side of the spine, there's a delicious slice of meat. | ||
| The loins. | ||
| The back straps and the loins. | ||
| Loins is the ass. | ||
| The loins is all the back. | ||
| It's all the inside, like what lines the spine, that area. | ||
| And then you go to the hams. | ||
| That's the back. | ||
| Back legs. | ||
| And then the shoulders. | ||
| What about the organs? | ||
| Yeah, you eat the organs. | ||
| Depends on the animal. | ||
| You probably don't want to eat a bear liver, but you could eat their heart if you cooked it well enough. | ||
| You could eat a pig's heart if you cook it well enough. | ||
| You have to cook it to 160 degrees, though. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Different animals have different diets, and they have different diets. | ||
| They have different parasites. | ||
| Some animals, like pigs especially, wild pigs, bears, things along those lines, got to worry about trichinosis. | ||
| But if you eat a human, assuming you go for, like, the buttocks first. | ||
| You could. | ||
| That's what they did in that movie. | ||
| Was that movie where those guys crashed in the Indies and they froze and they had to eat each other's... | ||
| They ate ass with a spoon. | ||
| Alive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They dug out this guy's ass, frozen ass with a spoon and was eating it because they were desperado. | ||
| That's when shit gets ugly. | ||
| That's when shit gets ugly, my friend. | ||
| That's when you hope the guy's not in shape either. | ||
| It's much easier to eat some flabby ass. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I don't eat that... | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| That's why I don't eat that Wagyu beef. | ||
| I feel like I'm eating like the Chris Christie of cows. | ||
| Just some sloppy fuck that's barely alive. | ||
| It's just like gelatinous, shitty cow all marbled up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people love it, though. | ||
| I've heard people talk about that kind of beef like it's the most delicious beef they've ever had in their life. | ||
| Well, that's what veal is. | ||
| It's a lazy cow, right? | ||
| You just string him up and he doesn't move? | ||
| Worse. | ||
| It's a baby. | ||
| It's young. | ||
| They take a young calf and sometimes they just leave them in a pen, a very small pen where they can't move. | ||
| Sometimes they feed them milk. | ||
| And sometimes they actually bind them so that they can't move well. | ||
| Is that that stuff? | ||
| Wagyu beef from Japan. | ||
| Wagyu. | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| Wagyu? | ||
| Is that the stuff that's super expensive? | ||
| Oh, yeah, it's really expensive. | ||
| They feed them sake and beer. | ||
| What you're looking at is a dying animal, essentially. | ||
| A cow is in no way or shape supposed to have that amount of fat contact on it. | ||
| It's not supposed to be built like that. | ||
| It's supposed to be all red, lean tissue. | ||
| Now, compare that. | ||
| Pull up grass-fed beef. | ||
| Now, completely pure, grass-fed beef is how beef is supposed to look, and it's not nearly as lean. | ||
| Like, go to, like, a cut of meat, see if they have any. | ||
| That's just a... | ||
| That's a ribeye, which is a... | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| Go to, like, a New York strip. | ||
| Like, what you get is... | ||
| Okay, that... | ||
| Like, scroll down, like, right there. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Click on that tenderloin. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| No, to the right. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's what it's supposed to look like. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What you're seeing there is a darker red... | ||
| Very little fat content. | ||
| Because blood flowed through there. | ||
| Well, the only reason why there's fat in those animals is because they're eating these really extremely high-calorie grains and grains that their body's not naturally designed to process. | ||
| Yeah, I think alfalfa's a big thing. | ||
| They feed them. | ||
| Alfalfa's not bad because it's just a plant. | ||
| But the corn, apparently, that they're eating is what really gets them nice and marbled. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the corn that gets them going. | ||
| That thick grain. | ||
| I think alfalfa is more of a regular green plant, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not as starchy or as thick as... | ||
| No. | ||
| It's like a wheatgrass. | ||
| Who the fuck eats alfalfa, though? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like alfalfa sprouts. | ||
| I like alfalfa sprouts. | ||
| A salad? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wouldn't eat it straight on, but throwing it on a salad gives it like that crispiness. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's got that weird texture, right? | ||
| Yeah, I love salad bars, man. | ||
| It's just a good salad bar where you just throw on some iceberg and some of those mini tiny corn ears and some mushrooms. | ||
| Those are always pickled, right? | ||
| Kind of in some way? | ||
| Yeah, a little bit pickled. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you throw on shit like cranberry juice and sunflower seeds. | ||
| Radishes. | ||
| Radishes! | ||
| Fuck yeah, man! | ||
| And you know how good radishes are for you? | ||
| I had a really good science teacher in junior high. | ||
| I went to a shitty junior high school in Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts. | ||
| It was not good at all. | ||
| It was a real sketchy area. | ||
| There was kids that were like 17 years old that were in the 7th grade when I was there. | ||
| It was a lot of fuck-ups. | ||
| A lot of idiots. | ||
| And I was there for 7th and 8th grade. | ||
| And... | ||
| But I had a really good science teacher. | ||
| This guy was just super dedicated to being a science teacher. | ||
| He would ask you questions. | ||
| He was the first guy that made me think about space. | ||
| But he had radishes, and he grew radishes in his garden, and he would bring them in, and he would have radishes at lunch. | ||
| And he explained that when you're eating a radish, there's so few calories in a radish that you can eat the entire radish. | ||
| The amount of calories it takes you to process, to chew and process, and then digest that radish is the same amount as in the radish. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a wash. | ||
| If you want to lose weight, just eat radishes. | ||
| And I was like, whoa, that doesn't even make sense. | ||
| You can eat a radish and the amount it takes to process it made me think about that. | ||
| But he also made me think about space. | ||
| He said, if you want to really make your head hurt, and this was, you know, 7th grade. | ||
| Like, how old are you when you're in 7th grade? | ||
| 8, 9, 13? | ||
| 13, something like that? | ||
| Young. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 12? | ||
| 12. He said, you have to think about the fact that Space goes on forever. | ||
| There's no end to it. | ||
| If that doesn't make your head hurt, then you're not thinking about it hard enough. | ||
| And I remember him saying that. | ||
| That space goes on forever. | ||
| Nobody had ever said that to me before. | ||
| Everybody was always talking about space. | ||
| It's big, it's big. | ||
| The Big Bang happened X amount of billion years ago. | ||
| And they say it in a way that it's very factual and actual and it's all, you know, you're recognized and memorized that number, 13.9 billion or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| But when someone says it doesn't end, it never ends. | ||
| Like, you just keep going and going and going and going and going forever. | ||
| He's like, do you understand what forever? | ||
| It just keeps going. | ||
| Like, there's not a time when it runs out of space. | ||
| It just keeps going. | ||
| That's always my argument against, because I believe in some type of God, and that's always my argument to people that absolutely negate any type of a higher power, is infinity. | ||
| You explain to me even the fucking glim hope of solving infinity to me, and I'll give up the whole concept of God. | ||
| Why do they have to be mutually exclusive? | ||
| Why do you have to be able to solve infinity? | ||
| What is it about infinity that means to you that there's a God? | ||
| Well, because it's a concept and a reality at the same time. | ||
| It's like the idea that there's a physical thing that can't be quantified in any way means that there has to be some kind of a force that I wouldn't even call it a force. | ||
| That there's a paradigm that's controlled and consistent. | ||
| And that that's what God is. | ||
| There's some type of a template to all of it. | ||
| I've thought about this a lot. | ||
| I'm sure you have too. | ||
| One of the things that I think about when I think about the universe and like the idea of the Big Bang, and I've read since some interesting quantum arguments, some really weird theories about the birth and death of the universe, but one of the big ones to me is like, why does it have to have a birth and a death? | ||
| Why are we so convinced that the universe had to have a beginning? | ||
| Like why could not it have always been there? | ||
| I mean isn't that an option too? | ||
| When you're talking about something as absolutely ridiculous as infinity, why is it so ridiculous that it's been here forever? | ||
| Like why does it have to have a beginning and an end? | ||
| And that fucks with my own version of reality in a lot of ways because my own version of reality is Birth and death is what I'm experiencing. | ||
| We have these biological limitations. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we impose those sometimes on other things. | ||
| Exactly, that's what it is. | ||
| The birth of a star. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The birth of the solar system has only been alive for, oh, what? | ||
| Our lives are a narrative. | ||
| It's like how you'd say every script can be broken down to a beginning, middle, and an end, and many of the plot structures are similar, like that whole Joseph Campbell thing. | ||
| And that whole idea of beginning and end is so rooted in our lifetime that we can't see past it. | ||
| Yeah, it becomes something that we look for in other things instead of considering the possibility that there might not be a beginning or It might not actually be a beginning. | ||
| It might be one of an infinite number of beginnings like there's been a lot of people that have theorized the possibility that The expansion of the universe that will reach some point and then ultimately collapse back down to that infinite point again and then start all over again. | ||
| There's some resistance to that because they can kind of through some sort of radio telescope can pick up the actual emissions that they believe are the signature of the Big Bang. | ||
| It's very very very very very complicated stuff. | ||
| You try to summarize it as a stand-up comedian on a podcast with two dudes that may or may not have smoked weed, it gets real sketchy. | ||
| But even if there was nothing until 14 billion years ago, isn't that like the ultimate fucking magic trick? | ||
| Forget about a god, alright? | ||
| Even if there is no god. | ||
| If there is or there isn't, forget about the concept of it. | ||
| How about the idea? | ||
| That everything that you see in the sky came from something that was smaller than the head of a pin. | ||
| And it did so an impossibly long time ago in an instant. | ||
| So this is the theory. | ||
| From the people that tell you that there's no evidence that there's a God and that Jesus sounds like a horseshit story, you know, that was... | ||
| Forget Jesus. | ||
| Leave Jesus out of it. | ||
| Passed on by camel traders, written on animal skins. | ||
| Right. | ||
| At one point in time, what everybody agrees is that the universe was smaller than the head of a pin. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then when it did explode and created all this matter, it did it in a way that was all consistent with the same laws of physics and, you know, gravity, which they still can't figure out gravity, you know, how it can exist. | ||
| I think it's quantum physics and gravity still have not been brought together. | ||
| Again, I'm an idiot, so don't listen to me. | ||
| But I think dark matter is one of the main... | ||
| They think about all the matter they're aware of in the universe, and they think about the effects of gravity, and the computations don't work unless they add in this idea of dark matter. | ||
| The idea of dark matter being that the universe consists of a bunch of different things, and a lot of it, the great majority of which we can't even see. | ||
| Because there's an inverse. | ||
| For every particle that's positive, there has to be one that's neutral. | ||
| And for every piece of light, there has to be dark. | ||
| And everything has an opposite in the universe to balance it. | ||
| And that's what dark matter is. | ||
| It's the... | ||
| I don't know what I'm talking about. | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about either. | ||
| But just the whole idea behind infinity and black holes and galaxies and every black hole or every galaxy has a black hole at the center of it. | ||
| But there was just an article, that's what I'm trying to spew, is that I just read an article about this black matter thing and how it is all, that there is a balance to everything in the universe, which is... | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Well, and that goes to spirituality and, you know, Buddhism and, you know, everything is opposites. | ||
| The yin and the yang, my brother. | ||
| The yin and the yang. | ||
| Yeah, in a lot of ways. | ||
| In a lot of ways. | ||
| You know, that's what they say, Greg. | ||
| You get out of life what you put in. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| They were right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| There was a time to reap and there was a time to sow. | ||
| Dude, that's so true. | ||
| And when you only reap and you never sow, what do you get? | ||
| Lottery winners. | ||
| They go broke quick. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Kids who win their money from inheritances. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| People that are squabbling over the hundreds of millions of dollars that Robin Williams left behind. | ||
| They're reaping. | ||
| They're reaping. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They didn't sow. | ||
| Maybe some of the wives probably did a little sowing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Probably had to. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was a lot of work. | ||
| Yeah, there's, you know, the thing is about inheriting hundreds of millions of dollars is the fucking backstabbing that it takes, the lowering up, the energy, the negative creativity. | ||
| I mean, Jesus Christ. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Carve me out five mil, I'm gone. | ||
| You guys have fun with the hundred million. | ||
| Yeah, I know some- It's gonna kill you. | ||
| I know some brothers that are going to war right now over their mom. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Suing each other. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Trying to get a piece of that pie, son. | ||
| So glad my mom's broke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Let me get a taste. | ||
| Let me wet my beak. | ||
| It's just the idea that, you know, you're going to compete with your brother or sister for what's left of your mother. | ||
| Just, whoa. | ||
| Because it all comes down to what you think is right. | ||
| You always put it under the guise of what's fair and what's just. | ||
| It's like, nothing's fair or just. | ||
| You didn't earn the fucking money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just when you start and think about a loved one that way, you start to think about them as a payday. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and then they're post-mortem. | ||
| It's once they're in the ground, okay, okay, okay, how are we going to do this? | ||
| Listen, we're talking about a substantial amount of money here, and family's family, business is business. | ||
| You start getting really creepy. | ||
| Especially when that parent gets old. | ||
| The older they get, the more that shit becomes real. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And how many brothers or sisters spend extra time with a dying mom trying to get a little in? | ||
| Yeah, I'll move home. | ||
| The mom is at one point in time, you know, I've been thinking about this well. | ||
| It's just not right that Johnny gets what you get. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He doesn't even help me. | |
| Johnny's a piece of shit, Ma. | ||
| I know he was always your favorite and I don't resent you for that because he was on the football team and I was doing drugs, okay? | ||
| But Johnny was always a piece of shit. | ||
| And who's here now, Mom? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm here with you, Mom. | |
| Rubbing your feet. | ||
| Rubbing your stinky feet. | ||
| Cleaning our feet. | ||
| With your fucking dried out toenails. | ||
| All curled up into straws. | ||
| I would like to end on something better. | ||
| We only have two minutes. | ||
| Let's end on a positive image. | ||
| Positive image is... | ||
| He takes that money from his mom and he does ayahuasca. | ||
| And he becomes centered and... | ||
| You know what I heard they're doing? | ||
| They're doing ketamine for people with depression. | ||
| What's ketamine? | ||
| Ketamine is a cat tranquilizer. | ||
| An extremely psychedelic, hallucinogenic cat tranquilizer that they're treating people with depression for. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll talk to you about it after this podcast is over, because one of our friends is doing it. | ||
| I'll try it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why I brought it up. | ||
| I had to remember. | ||
| Apparently, it's having an amazing effect on our friend. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's a psychedelic. | ||
| It's like doing acid. | ||
| See, I need the kind of thing where, you know, Ari Shaffir's got me convinced that if I take mushrooms in a certain way, that it can change, like... | ||
| Not ongoing. | ||
| I don't have to keep taking it. | ||
| You can just take it and it can change your perspective. | ||
| It definitely will. | ||
| For a period of time. | ||
| If you take enough and you go into it with the right attitude. | ||
| With the right people too, right? | ||
| Really, you want to be by yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No shit. | |
| Yeah, people will help a little if they're the right people, but you're counting on a lot of people to keep it together. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think that a lot of those things, sometimes the journey, the best path is just get by yourself. | ||
| Like to do it, get by yourself. | ||
| McKenna used to say silent darkness is the best place to take them. | ||
| Alone in silent darkness. | ||
| I think that's one of the reasons why I like the sensory deprivation tank so much. | ||
| It's because you're forced to not bounce off of each other, but just forced to find what it is about yourself that you're trying to work on. | ||
| What it is about yourself. | ||
| We're out of time. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's the music. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| We worked on ourselves. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons. | ||
| Greg Fitz. | ||
| What's the Fitzdog radio? | ||
| Fitzdog radio at Fitzdog.com. | ||
| Follow me at Greg Fitzshow. | ||
| All right, you fucks. | ||
| We'll be back soon. | ||
| Much love. | ||
| Bye-bye. | ||
| Jamie had to hit the music. |
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