May 4, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:58:30
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Makina. | ||
| Are we live? | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Ustream.tv forward slash... | ||
| Big J is here. | ||
| Big J is here. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| And I'm tweeting, and we're live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck, Big J? Welcome back, sir. | |
| I heard you were punching white people in Baltimore. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| You just ran around just punching random white people? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Well, you gotta get all the fans you can get, right? | ||
| If you want to be down, that's the move right now. | ||
| Be super upset with white people. | ||
| I had an argument with a comic about Baltimore this week. | ||
| He was very pro the violent protest of it. | ||
| White dude. | ||
| You know, like a hipster white comic, I would say. | ||
| I was so surprised, because I always thought they were supposed to be the tender guys. | ||
| And his comment, I couldn't believe the coldness in him saying... | ||
| He was like, so big fucking deal that, you know, they tear apart a CVS. | ||
| He goes, who gives a shit, man? | ||
| There's people getting killed in the street. | ||
| You know, the cops are killing people in the streets. | ||
| And it's like, but who cares? | ||
| Like the fucking owner of the CVS? | ||
| Like why does he have to eat shit for it? | ||
| They did it in Ferguson to businesses that were owned by black people. | ||
| There were some instances of people burning down businesses that had absolutely nothing to do with any of the pro police, you know, group. | ||
| There were people that just lived in the community, and then all of a sudden everything got smashed. | ||
| In Oakland, when the guy got shot in Oakland, they smashed a bank, and someone wrote, Fuck Capitalism on it. | ||
| Like, okay, really? | ||
| Like, is that what this is about? | ||
| The fucking cop killing the guy is about capitalism? | ||
| Is that the one, the quote-unquote accident in the train station? | ||
| Yeah, that one was fucked. | ||
| Did you see the movie they made of it? | ||
| No. | ||
| They made a movie of it. | ||
| I like when they do this with a lot of Hollywood stuff. | ||
| It's such a hilarious phoned-in thing. | ||
| Do you remember the Biggie Smalls movie? | ||
| Did you ever see that one? | ||
| I never saw it. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Did you see it, Brian? | ||
| No. | ||
| It was called Notorious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I saw it once. | ||
| Who the fuck played It actually was pretty good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| The preview looked like he did a good job. | ||
| Jamie, pull up a fucking preview. | ||
| I need to see this. | ||
| The guy did a good job, I guess. | ||
| But what was funny was, the night he died in the movie, he made phone calls to everyone. | ||
| And he's like, you know, to his wife. | ||
| Like, I'm going to be good to you. | ||
| Told his mom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no! | |
| We're not going to worry about money again. | ||
| And all these things that are not true. | ||
| In that Fruitvale Station movie, which is about the Oakland guy, they literally made that day, the guy he sold drugs for came and gave him drugs, and he was like, nah, I don't want to do this shit no more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| I'm going to be better than my daughter. | ||
| And the thing is like... | ||
| You can't just make shit like that up. | ||
| Yeah, and another comedian actually named Chris Tinkle pointed out, because he knew the story. | ||
| He's from that area. | ||
| And he said, he was like, it's already tragic anyway. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This is a tragic situation. | ||
| That kid got killed. | ||
| Whatever was going on, he probably didn't deserve to get killed by a cop, you know, so accidentally or otherwise. | ||
| So it's just like, why would you have to add like a... | ||
| And he was going to go back. | ||
| He was going to go to University of Phoenix online. | ||
| Dude, I can spell it out nice and simple. | ||
| This is exactly what it is. | ||
| There's a very high percentage, very high percentage of the movie business that's filled with wonderful, creative people. | ||
| Fantastic folks who just want to make good movies like Ex Machina. | ||
| I saw Ex Machina this week. | ||
| Holy shit, is that good. | ||
| God damn, that's a good movie. | ||
| Amazing special effects? | ||
| Was it one of those movies? | ||
| One of the best movies I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| And I don't want to say anything more about it. | ||
| We'll talk about it a little bit. | ||
| But the point is, most of them are trying to do shit like that. | ||
| But there are a few out there, and those ones will stand out, and they will just fucking jizz. | ||
| They will just fucking jizz on anything. | ||
| Jizz in every soup you make. | ||
| They gotta add their little fucking spooge to all your ideas, and they fuck everything up, man. | ||
| And especially, it's gross, especially gross when they do a real live story. | ||
| A lot of times are dudes who are still alive, and they just butcher the story. | ||
| Like that fucking wrestler movie? | ||
| What the fuck was that? | ||
| We've talked about it before. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Foxcatcher. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fox! | |
| Thank you. | ||
| The one about John Hunt or what is it? | ||
| Mark Hunt. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Mark Hunt's a fighter. | ||
| Mike Cutter. | ||
| What is the guy's name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
John... | |
| Pharmaceutical company... | ||
| Yeah, John DuPont. | ||
| DuPont, thank you. | ||
| John DuPont, who's a crazy, murderous cocaine fiend, who shot this wrestler, Dave Schultz, who's a famous wrestler. | ||
| Well, the movie's about his brother, Mark Schultz, who's still alive, and they just add a bunch of shit to it, make a bunch of shit up, change the timeline around, change the success story of his life. | ||
| Also throw some gay undertone for no reason. | ||
| Gay and coke, doing coke with a gay guy. | ||
| You got frosted tips. | ||
| Short shorts. | ||
| The whole thing was like, what's going on here? | ||
| What are you doing, man? | ||
| You know what's one of the biggest mess? | ||
| I'm from Philly, and that story happened outside of Philadelphia. | ||
| I thought it was Connecticut. | ||
| That Foxcatcher thing is in Philly? | ||
| It's outside Philly. | ||
| It's Pennsylvania. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I'm confused. | ||
| But John DuPont, it was like a multiple day... | ||
| Also, one of the most interesting things was that it was a standoff for days with the cops. | ||
| But they made it like he killed a guy and then he walked out of his house and they just arrested him. | ||
| It was such like a... | ||
| They speed through all the things that are real and interesting to add some weird Hollywood... | ||
| Like, they have to force in the fact that maybe he was gay for this guy. | ||
| It had nothing to do with anything. | ||
| They just decided to make him gay. | ||
| Just to make the story more fun. | ||
| You gonna give me airhead in my helicopter? | ||
| Yeah, they were hanging out, doing bumps in a helicopter, eyeing each other, sweating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just the whole thing was so fun. | |
| Dude, they changed shit that they didn't have to change, like historical shit, like the fact that he was already a world champion, one of the best wrestlers on earth. | ||
| They made him out to be like a guy who was failing and falling apart. | ||
| They also had him fight in the UFC. He did fight once in the UFC, but against a white guy in the real UFC fought against a black guy named Big Gary Goodrich. | ||
| It's a historic match. | ||
| If you're a martial arts historian, that match is a historic match. | ||
| Because he was an Olympic gold medalist who came and just took down one of the best MMA fighters at the time at will and showed the difference between world-class wrestling and this fucking bullshit that these guys were doing in the gym. | ||
| They were infants in comparison to his wrestling skill. | ||
| But they changed the timeline of it. | ||
| They had him watching the UFC in 87. The UFC wasn't even made until 93. So they just fucked with everything just to gay it up and add a little of this and a little... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just to get a little fucking hunched over the script. | |
| Yeah, yeah, that was my idea. | ||
| Basically, the script, man, the story structure just didn't work. | ||
| There was something missing. | ||
| Gay stuff. | ||
| When they get those actors, they don't want it to just be in independent film theaters. | ||
| So they gotta Hollywood some horseshit story into it all. | ||
| It's just so, it's so depressing that they do that to a movie that's a real story. | ||
| Because then you have in your head, oh, well he almost got gay with the guy, he did coke, he saw the UFC in 87, you have all these things in your head. | ||
| And then you start reading, and you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not the case. | ||
| Like, there was, like, he wrote a list on Facebook, Mark Schultz did, of all the inaccuracies of the Foxcatcher movie. | ||
| It's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| They just, they fucked with everything. | ||
| They changed everything. | ||
| And he didn't even know because he was like a consultant on the movie, I believe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I'm sure he probably knew a little, but what the fuck is he going to do? | |
| They're probably giving him an assload of money, right? | ||
| We're going to frost your tips. | ||
| He's a wrestler, a wrestling coach at Brigham Young. | ||
| I mean, he had to stop MMA fighting because the school that he was teaching wrestling at didn't want him doing it. | ||
| It was a different time. | ||
| You know, it was like 96 or 97 or whatever the fuck it was when he fought. | ||
| That was right on the end of, like, UFC being, like, sumo wrestler fights a ninja. | ||
| It was still that. | ||
| Still that. | ||
| He was still using bare knuckles. | ||
| There was still... | ||
| I think he would still wear shoes. | ||
| When I started, you could wear shoes. | ||
| You couldn't punch the balls when I first got there. | ||
| You couldn't punch the balls, and you couldn't... | ||
| I don't think you could pull hair anymore. | ||
| They got rid of that early on, too. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| Growing up, I watched a documentary recently, too, the UFC 20. And having that go through my life, watching that... | ||
| Sport grow in my lifetime for me. | ||
| I remember me and my stepfather ordered the first one ever Wow when it was tournament style you need to go out and fight like three times And we thought it was like the greatest thing of all time But now to watch it go from like, you know, no shoes no geese no gouging not all these things that you know that But you have to that has to happen and then they go. | ||
| Oh, yeah Now you can't just you can't just break a guy's finger because you're losing and Yeah, well, why can't you? | ||
| If you break a guy's arm, how come you can't break a guy's finger? | ||
| I disagree with all the thoughts about small joint manipulation, because the reality is, if someone's trying to manipulate your joint, it usually works in defense. | ||
| Say if you're trying to grab a guy and you're trying to choke him and he starts pulling on your fingers. | ||
| Well, you can just pull your fingers away. | ||
| You know, it's not like it's automatic that he's gonna break your fingers. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You just have to be more aware of it. | ||
| Like, it's realistic. | ||
| Like, if all this guy has to do is pull your finger back to stop you from doing a choke, well, then he did the right thing. | ||
| Why are you taking that away from him when it's okay for him to choke you? | ||
| Oh, yeah, you have to, like, actually get under the hand itself completely right. | ||
| Yeah, but why are you taking away the guy's ability to pull on your fingers? | ||
| Yeah, if he pulls on your fingers, you better get your fingers out of there and then try to choke them again. | ||
| You know, it just makes sense to me. | ||
| I actually thought, because it never happens, that I thought there was a rule of no choking in the UFC, like a direct on choke, like you're choking someone against the wall. | ||
| But you can do that, apparently. | ||
| It's the most... | ||
| Unrealistic move. | ||
| It's the same reason no one headlocks like you did in the schoolyard as a kid, where you have the guy in a bulldog position. | ||
| That so rarely ever happens in UFC. Honestly, I think you're wrong. | ||
| I think you're wrong. | ||
| I think it is illegal to grab the neck like that. | ||
| I think it's illegal to do that. | ||
| Straight on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it used to be legal, but now it's illegal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, I need to find out about that. | ||
| There was something about, well, there's a bunch of weird spots that you can't do. | ||
| Like, do you know you can't hit a guy in the back of the head? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can't hit a guy in the back. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You get kicked in the back of the head all the time. | ||
| When you get hit with a head kick, one of the things about a head kick is, you know, the shin's kind of coming around here, and a lot of times, like a high percentage, the foot and the instep are bang, wrapping right around the back of your head, way fucking harder than you can ever punch. | ||
| So the idea that you don't get hit in the back of the head is crazy because there's a totally legal shot that's basically the back of the head. | ||
| Nobody ever gets in trouble for kicking somebody in the back of the head. | ||
| And it happens all the time. | ||
| It's just ground and pound. | ||
| When you're grounded and pounding is usually when guys get in trouble for hitting the back of the head, which is the most ridiculous because that's when guys are moving around. | ||
| Yeah, he's trying to protect them. | ||
| If all he had to do is get to the back of your head. | ||
| But stand-up-wise, a lot of guys get hit in the back of the head. | ||
| They get hit with clubbing punches, like in melees. | ||
| They never get in trouble for that. | ||
| And there's a lot of elbows that go to the back of the head because you're up against the cage and in areas where you get in trouble hitting them somehow and ground and pound. | ||
| It seems almost like Elbows to the back of the head and punches to the back of the head are really only recognized clearly when it's ground and pound. | ||
| What was that Diego Sanchez elbowing the top of Clay Guida's head? | ||
| I don't know how those weren't illegal. | ||
| It seems like by the rules that should have been illegal. | ||
| The top is fine. | ||
| The top is fine. | ||
| It's the base of the skull that's supposed to be the real danger area. | ||
| It's the back of the head and the base of the skull. | ||
| You could elbow top of the head? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The top of the head's fine. | ||
| The top of the head's fine. | ||
| The sides of the head are fine. | ||
| And there's been a bunch of debate about what is the mohawk. | ||
| The mohawk meaning this is the area that can't hit. | ||
| The mohawk in the back of the head, like that strip down where the spine is. | ||
| Some people extend it more towards the ears, and some people keep it more narrow, and some people lower it so it's just the base. | ||
| Some people think that right here, sort of the mid-back of the head is fine. | ||
| So it's open to debate, but the idea is ultimately that the base of the spine is very dangerous to hit. | ||
| And then if you hit someone there really hard, you might be able to separate their fucking brain from their spinal column. | ||
| Hi-ya-ya! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hi-ya-ya! | |
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| It was a big move in the old days. | ||
| See, in the old days, one of the best moves was you would take a guy's back and then you would smash the back of his head with elbows. | ||
| Like, Henzo Gracie did that to, like, this judo specialist that he fought. | ||
| God, I want to say, like, I forget the organization. | ||
| It might have been Mars. | ||
| Or it might have been like one of those one of those like really really young old-school Martial arts promotions that never really made it. | ||
| So Hanzo gets this guy down gets his back and just fucking BOOM! BOOM! Just smashes the back of his head because it's totally legal back then and you realize like that takes away all your rear naked chokes all that stuff That's like not even nearly as effective as doing that like if you got a guy's head If you've got him face down and you're smashing the back of his head with elbows while you have the back mount in, there's very little he can do to defend that. | ||
| It used to be legal. | ||
| It's funny, even though they take away from the sport, it still stays a thousand times more interesting than boxing. | ||
| You see, man, everybody says that, right? | ||
| But I really found that fight interesting. | ||
| I'm of the minority that thought that it was a really interesting fight. | ||
| Yeah, everybody was mad. | ||
| You know, we waited for this, we waited for that. | ||
| I'm like, come on. | ||
| As a person who appreciates boxing, that fight to me was pretty wild. | ||
| It was intense to watch because you know Manny Pacquiao has been able to get his gloves on everybody he fights. | ||
| Everybody he fights, he lights up. | ||
| He gets a hold of you eventually, and he lights you up. | ||
| And you might get him like Marquez got him, but... | ||
| Before Marquez got him, it's not like Pacquiao didn't crack him. | ||
| You know, they weren't going back and forth and back and forth. | ||
| Just Marquez has a legendary chin and awesome punching power, and he eventually knocked Pacquiao out. | ||
| But Pacquiao is in these wars with Margarita, wars with Cotto, you know, just bashed the shit out of Chris Algieri. | ||
| He's real slick and moves real well, just gets you. | ||
| He's that pretty boy white guy. | ||
| He's a pretty boy white guy, but he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But Manny Pacquiao just could not get to Floyd. | ||
| The one time he did get to him, it's like nothing. | ||
| Floyd just covered up, used his defense, kept shaking his head like, nope, nothing. | ||
| Nope, nothing. | ||
| Manny just couldn't get him. | ||
| To me, that was impressive as fuck. | ||
| The way he was moving. | ||
| Every time Manny would come for that blitz, Floyd was gone. | ||
| He just wasn't there. | ||
| It was just super slick boxing to me. | ||
| I'm from Philly, so I spent a lifetime with Bernard Hopkins, you know, just watching him and rooting for him of these really long, slow fights. | ||
| They really are like, they just take for us. | ||
| I think Floyd Mayweather is kind of the same thing for me. | ||
| You know, I just watched, again, man, that, you see that Tyson documentary that's on cable all the time, where it's just him sitting and talking in the white shirt? | ||
| When they go to that footage, once in a while I'll even watch that Fox Sports will do the, you know, the all-day, just Tyson's fights. | ||
| But watching that early footage of him training and just how fast he was and what he was doing, how come there hasn't been another Mike Tyson since Mike Tyson? | ||
| There's been arguably six Jordans since Jordan. | ||
| You need a lot of things to come together correctly to make a Mike Tyson. | ||
| You need a lot of things. | ||
| Also, that talent, I think, in the last decade jumps to MMA. Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, there's still a lot of guys who really like boxing. | ||
| You know, I got in a famous argument years back with this guy Lou DiBella on ESPN where I was telling him that boxing was going to get swallowed up. | ||
| I like boxing. | ||
| I've always liked boxing. | ||
| I've been a huge fan since I was a little kid, man. | ||
| Just always been a fan of it. | ||
| I also am a big fan of kickboxing. | ||
| I'm a big fan of glory, and I'm a big fan of Muay Thai. | ||
| Because I think that there's things that you pull off in just straight kickboxing or boxing that you just can't do in MMA. Because guys will clinch you, they'll throw you to the ground. | ||
| You can't get it off. | ||
| You can't do most of this shit Floyd Mayweather does with leg kicks. | ||
| As soon as leg kicks are in the mix, you can't do most of this shit. | ||
| But to me, what he's doing is incredible. | ||
| I mean, it's artistic. | ||
| He's beating the game. | ||
| He's going out at 48-0 with no brain scrambles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's only been, like, tagged that I can remember twice, three times at maximum. | ||
| Never been really fucking battered to the point where, like, the fight's gonna be stopped and he's gotta come back, like Gotti Ward or anything like that. | ||
| None of that shit. | ||
| But if you're gonna stay interested in boxing now, you have to be a real fan of, like, the sweet science. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, the quote-unquote. | ||
| Because, like, there's just no... | ||
| People want to see knockout. | ||
| At the end of the day, we're all standing in a gladiator cage and we all want to see people get knocked out. | ||
| You want to see that violence that you... | ||
| MMA is such a scary thing to the layman that boxing has become less scary. | ||
| Look at the size of those gloves. | ||
| These guys are going multiple rounds and they're getting hit with a sponge over your fist a little bit. | ||
| It just draws people's attention more. | ||
| I can. | ||
| I'm not just saying this. | ||
| Here's what you'll never do. | ||
| A girl will never go retroactive from UFC to boxing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A girl will? | |
| I don't think so. | ||
| But girls very easily, I find, get into UFC. Really? | ||
| I think girls get into UFC very easily. | ||
| Very, very easily. | ||
| What do you think that is? | ||
| Some gladiator gene shit? | ||
| They want to get some gladiator sperm in their body? | ||
| I think there's that actual, yeah, I think there's like the machismo of the whole thing. | ||
| And then also, in UFC very specifically, but in most of the televised MMA stuff, actually, I mean, UFC really does it, like, the best. | ||
| Like, if you just give your girl two episodes... | ||
| Of, like, the build-up shit. | ||
| Like, Dana Cormier, Jon Jones, like, she invested interest in that, because we watched, I made her go back and watch Jon Jones, like, first thing when he came out, he was the hero. | ||
| You put her on a course? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just like, I made her watch, you know, that half-hour thing of him, like, you know, I saved the old woman from getting robbed, and all this thing, and his story, and his kind of hard luck story, and growing up, and she was like, wow, I really like this guy. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, watch his things now. | ||
| Like, he just, his personality is different, and he just made himself, like, the villain, sort of. | ||
| Well, I don't think he names. | ||
| I think villains in actual sports, though, not wrestling. | ||
| What's funny about that, even in any kind of sport, actually, even someone who hates wrestling, Don't you think right now is a great time to get chicks into it, too, because of Ronda Rousey? | ||
| Like, there's never been a female fighter like Ronda Rousey. | ||
| A hot chick that beats the fuck out of everybody. | ||
| She's so hot, and she really is. | ||
| There's a video of her with Luke Rockhold, and she's got Luke Rockhold in what we call spiderweb. | ||
| It's when you try to finish an arm bar. | ||
| Luke Rockhold is a fucking monster, okay? | ||
| He's like 6'3", he cuts down to 185. He's usually way over 200 pounds. | ||
| He's a fucking stud at jujitsu. | ||
| And Rhonda Arm, she completes the arm bar on him. | ||
| Like, he's defending. | ||
| Like, he's really defending. | ||
| And she completes it, and he has to tap. | ||
| That's how badass she is. | ||
| I don't think you know, if you've never been armbarred before, you don't know how ridiculous that is. | ||
| A guy like Luke Rockhold should have retarded defense. | ||
| He's an ace-level MMA black belt. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is Luke Rockhold on the bottom here. | ||
| Okay, Luke Rockhold, again, is world-class in the UFC at 185 pounds. | ||
| Just beat the fuck out of Lyoto Machida. | ||
| I mean, destroyed him. | ||
| Took him to the ground, controlled him, smashed him. | ||
| Finished out the round. | ||
| And here he is trying to defend against Ronda Rousey's armbar. | ||
| And she's got a bunch of different techniques she uses to attack the grip that he's using. | ||
| She keeps adjusting and readjusting. | ||
| Now, see how he stepped over her head right there? | ||
| That's like fucking DEFCON 4. Like, he knows he's in some serious trouble. | ||
| Because if she straightens out his arm, he's done, and he's got a tap. | ||
| And she's seconds away from straightening out his arm. | ||
| And he's going to get to the situation, tap, tap, tap. | ||
| He had a tap. | ||
| She fucking tapped him, dude. | ||
| She fights at 135 as a woman. | ||
| He fights 50 pounds heavier as one of the best men in the world. | ||
| That's how fucking good her armbar technique is. | ||
| There's never been a fighter in any fucking sport like her before. | ||
| That's like a total pioneer. | ||
| There's no one before her like her. | ||
| She so impressed me on that last one. | ||
| Was it Katsangana? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because, I know it was over in 14 seconds, but... | ||
| Watching it just in real time, I was like, that was a series of lucky things that worked out for her in that position. | ||
| Not luck, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| And then when she said in the interview, she said, I've been working on that, you know, doing the on-board from that transition. | ||
| And then when you watch it in slow motion, you see her make a fucking decision to step over her body. | ||
| It was one of the craziest things I've ever seen. | ||
| Yeah, she's terrifying. | ||
| She's terrifying. | ||
| And she's not like a cyborg Was terrifying, but so much because of the size. | ||
| It wasn't like any kind of a necessary... | ||
| I mean, she had a skill set, but it wasn't that that was so... | ||
| It was just like... | ||
| She was a thousand times bigger than that. | ||
| Kind of like a man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, let's be... | ||
| It was like China. | ||
| It was like China at her height. | ||
| Way worse than China. | ||
| Way worse than China. | ||
| Big-wise. | ||
| Yeah, she was like the size. | ||
| But it was different because you were getting to see her actually hit people. | ||
| You know, like China was really impressive because she was big and strong. | ||
| She was on Fear Factor. | ||
| China's yoked. | ||
| I mean, she's a big girl. | ||
| If you had to wrestle her, that's a goddamn tussle. | ||
| That's a big gal. | ||
| You know, she's strong as fuck. | ||
| You ever see a sex tape with her? | ||
| That's wrestling. | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Pussy boner. | ||
| Stop it! | ||
| That's total wrestling. | ||
| I'm trying to forget! | ||
| Did you watch the one where she did anal? | ||
| Oh, that was even better. | ||
| The pro one? | ||
| More than one? | ||
| Oh, she did pro one. | ||
| She did professional porns. | ||
| It fell apart, but yeah, she did one where it's backdoor to China. | ||
| Add a little poop on it. | ||
| Ew, did it? | ||
| I remember it having a little poop. | ||
| But it was like a really famous porn dude. | ||
| Went for it. | ||
| Poor bastard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Both of them. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| But my point was like, you're not supposed to say the cyborg looked like a man. | ||
| But when she was beating the fuck out of Gina Carano, she was feeling like a man. | ||
| It wasn't like the classic female body type. | ||
| So when she got busted for male steroids, everybody's like... | ||
| Of course, yeah. | ||
| She looks different now, though, man. | ||
| She's become more feminine, a lot more feminine. | ||
| But there's an honest debate as to how much of what you do to your body when you alter it that severely, how much you change that's permanent. | ||
| They've done these studies on athletes that have taken anabolic steroids, and they've had permanent effects on their strength. | ||
| Permanent. | ||
| Not just temporary, but permanent. | ||
| Permanent improvements in strength. | ||
| And so they wonder, like, how much of, you know, her getting off the male hormones, like, how much does she lose? | ||
| Does she lose all of it? | ||
| Is it still fair? | ||
| I mean, what is it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know, my stepfather, I think, is a pretty naturally strong guy, but he did a bunch of steroids when he was younger. | ||
| Powerlifting, that's what he did. | ||
| And, you know, even through his 40s, and, you know, he's in his 50s now, like, the guy can still go out there and bench on just a day, throw up, like, 350 pounds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean I remember in his 30s like we're doing like 455 and shit and he's not you know he weighs like you know a buck 70, buck 75. Yeah those powerlifter dudes man that's a totally different type of move in your body. | ||
| That's like some severe strength that's required to do like all those. | ||
| But I'm saying but the steroids I believe like definitely you still you still build a base I think is what happened. | ||
| I think it raises your base. | ||
| It definitely can. | ||
| I mean, according to these studies. | ||
| But the question is, it gets more complicated when it's a woman. | ||
| Because it's not even like she took more of what she already had. | ||
| She actually introduced some stuff that she's not supposed to have. | ||
| I mean, you do have a little bit of testosterone when you're a woman, but nothing like the levels that they take when they get into bodybuilding or powerlifting. | ||
| Like even track and field women. | ||
| People get caught all the time taking shit. | ||
| Because it works! | ||
| I mean, it changes their body. | ||
| Have you ever seen, like, bodybuilder porn? | ||
| Like, girl bodybuilder porn? | ||
| Like, just nude pictures? | ||
| I mean, it's a man's body. | ||
| I was watching one of those My Strange Addiction shows. | ||
| And there was a lady that was addicted to bodybuilding. | ||
| And her sister was on, as a point of reference. | ||
| It was really interesting. | ||
| Like, her sister's like, you're getting bigger. | ||
| Are you going to keep getting bigger? | ||
| She's like, I just love it. | ||
| This is what I look like now. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| How often do you work out? | ||
| And she's like, I work out like three days a week. | ||
| She's like, I work out seven hours a day. | ||
| She was working out six, seven hours a day. | ||
| Her fucking head was as big as Tito Ortiz's and my head glued together. | ||
| She's a giant fucking neck, huge traps. | ||
| Look at this broad. | ||
| Is that her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is that the one from the show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at the size of this lady. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| Me and, uh, years ago, maybe 2005 or something, 2006, me and Patrice did the nasty show in Montreal together, and after the show, there was a bodybuilder chick who was a white girl, way into him, and really, and she was just, but she was just saying stuff, like, so sexy to him. | ||
| Patrice was so, I mean, he didn't do anything with her, but I remember her saying, he was like, he was, I might just have to wrestle this big bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I was with a jiu-jitsu girl once. | ||
| That was very intimidating. | ||
| Yeah, but she's a regular-sized gal. | ||
| She's an actual... | ||
| No, this other one I don't know if you know about. | ||
| Oh, is it a different one? | ||
| Yeah, I've been with three jiu-jitsu chicks before, and one was definitely bigger than the other ones. | ||
| And she just had one of those big bodies, and I remember her vagina was very clean and no hair, but yet it had that explosion of pussy lip, like brown pussy lip. | ||
| It was like a meaty vagina, and it was weird. | ||
| It was a weird... | ||
| I've never even fucked a chick with abs, I don't think, ever. | ||
| I had one gal that was a bodybuilder when I was, like, really young. | ||
| I think I was 21. And I dated this gal from New Hampshire who had a six-pack. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Yeah, she had a great body, though. | ||
| Her legs were incredible. | ||
| I mean, those bodies in dresses look great sometimes. | ||
| Not abs like bodybuilder abs, but just like a girl who's toned abs. | ||
| A girl who's strong, but looks like a girl. | ||
| There's a difference between a girl strong and looks like a girl, or a gal like, no offense, the lady in those photographs was most likely on some male hormones. | ||
| I mean, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's Vitor Belfort in Brazil. | ||
| I mean, look at the size of that chick. | ||
| She looks like Mark Coleman when he won the heavyweight title. | ||
| She's fucking huge. | ||
| But that male hormone is why their faces look. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That wasn't the face she was destined to No, she has a man's face now. | |
| She's very manly. | ||
| I mean like monster-like. | ||
| It's really weird touching a girl also when it's hard as a rock and not like soft and squishy. | ||
| But I mean, okay, here's the question. | ||
| Is that better or worse than someone who eats themselves into a gelatinous wall of meat? | ||
| I would take fat over that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like for a gal, for your lady friend? | ||
| Fat chicks are awesome, yeah. | ||
| I'd hook up with a... | ||
| I mean, once for the store, I'd go that direction. | ||
| For life. | ||
| So you think, like, if you could get her off the sauce, she could probably woman up a little bit, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They do. | |
| How much would she woman up? | ||
| But she would still retain a bunch of it. | ||
| You know how I know? | ||
| Because there's a gal that lives in my friend's neighborhood, and I go to visit them, and she was apparently some Olympian bodybuilder back in the Diz-A, and now she's like in her 50s, and she looks like a monster. | ||
| Really? | ||
| She looks like a monster. | ||
| Just face is all... | ||
| She looks... | ||
| It's like... | ||
| And when I say monster, I don't mean, like, the worst monster. | ||
| I mean, like, eh... | ||
| It'd be kind of scary. | ||
| It's just what she did was turn herself into a semi-male, semi-female thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, she's changed. | ||
| Like, her appearance has changed. | ||
| And it's become... | ||
| You know, she's become more male than you're supposed to be. | ||
| Or than she was. | ||
| You can't go back either. | ||
| I saw a gal had her chin shaved down. | ||
| She was some big bodybuilder lady, powerlifter, martial artist. | ||
| She had her chin shaved down because her chin got too big. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Chyna did all that. | ||
| Chyna used to have that square face and then she changed. | ||
| She became much more feminine. | ||
| They start opening your skin, grinding down your bones. | ||
| Arnold had that done, too. | ||
| And Arnold had developed a very large upper brow area. | ||
| And then, like, there's, like, before and after. | ||
| Like, if you look at him in Conan and you look at him... | ||
| Skull shaving? | ||
| Yeah, they shaved his skull down to something more reasonable. | ||
| That's just a rumor, though. | ||
| That's one of those rumors, like the Richard Gere gerbil one, you never really know. | ||
| Me and my buddy literally just talked about those urban myths. | ||
| The gerbil up the ass was a specific Philadelphia newscaster that used to say it about in Philly, that story, that urban legend. | ||
| And the other one was pumping a gallon of cum out of Rod Stewart. | ||
| Wait a minute, you think you know the origin, like where it started from? | ||
| That's literally what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| It's amazing how that got around so many years before the internet. | ||
| For rumors to happen now, it's simple. | ||
| One person who has any kind of ear or any kind of voice for people says something and it becomes gospel to some people. | ||
| Yeah, we've talked about it a bunch of times that that's the mother of all... | ||
| Rumors. | ||
| Like that no other rumor came close. | ||
| Because Eddie Bravo grew up in LA. I grew up in Boston. | ||
| We both heard about it at the same time. | ||
| Yeah, you lived in Columbus. | ||
| So it made its way across the entire country. | ||
| Same here, Rod Stewart. | ||
| But the Rod Stewart one was nothing compared. | ||
| The Rod Stewart one was, what? | ||
| He had his stomach pumped. | ||
| Why didn't he just throw up? | ||
| This didn't make any sense. | ||
| I had it thrown up. | ||
| I'm like, this is ridiculous. | ||
| How much cum did he drink? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| It's a silly thing about it. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Just puke. | ||
| Why do you have to go to the hospital? | ||
| How much cum could it have possibly been? | ||
| Are you going to go to the hospital and tell them you drank cum? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Are they going to test it? | ||
| How the fuck do they know what it is? | ||
| You have to tell them it's cum. | ||
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It's fucking milk or glue or something? | ||
| There's so much that has to come out. | ||
| He's blowing Peter North. | ||
| Can you imagine going to the hospital and just... | ||
| First of all, I thought about how much I came at the time. | ||
| I was a young, young boy. | ||
| I was probably like... | ||
| 12 when that rumor came out, I was thinking about how much I can come. | ||
| I'm like, how much more could a grown adult possibly come? | ||
| It doesn't even make any sense. | ||
| Like, how much could be in my body? | ||
| Like, is he going to baby bird come? | ||
| Like, that's how much come? | ||
| He just has a gallon? | ||
| I'm taking that back because, you know, now that I think about it, I think this came out when I was 12, so I probably had never come yet. | ||
| Just that weird little shiver? | ||
| I probably really didn't even know what the actual volume would be, so that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| They said it was like quarts or gallons or something like that. | ||
| But at 12, you knew what cum was. | ||
| You just knew it wasn't happening to you. | ||
| You can't really find it back then either. | ||
| When did Pretty Woman come out? | ||
| That was way later. | ||
| That was way later. | ||
| Didn't it come out after that? | ||
| That's why we all knew who Richard Gere was? | ||
| No, everybody knew who he was before that. | ||
| He's from American Gigolo. | ||
| Yeah, American Gigolo. | ||
| He was in a lot of big movies, dude. | ||
| It seemed like it came out around Pretty Woman. | ||
| He probably just came up again, because that was the next big, big, big hit he did. | ||
| It's just amazing that it made it all the way across the country like that. | ||
| Yeah, no, absolutely. | ||
| The word was that he had left Scientology. | ||
| And that Scientology, where did I get this word? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| It's the most poorly researched word ever. | ||
| But this is what I heard. | ||
| Is that he left Scientology and someone in Scientology said, yeah, we'll fix that fucker. | ||
| And they put out some crazy rumor that homeboy had a gerbil up his ass. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| Have you been following the whole HBO show? | ||
| Oh yeah, The Going Clear? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| There's only the one documentary, right? | ||
| But now they're making a documentary about that guy that made the movie, Scientology is. | ||
| They're also making a documentary about Louis Theroux. | ||
| Louis Theroux, the documentarian from England, he's doing a special on Scientology. | ||
| So Scientology decided to do a documentary on him. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Unless it was really good and you're like, geez, thanks a lot, Scientology. | ||
| Maybe you guys are pretty cool. | ||
| That's a cool documentary. | ||
| I don't think it's going to be. | ||
| It's just really well done, and everything's great. | ||
| Yeah, it's all about roses, and I think it's a hit piece. | ||
| You know, I think that's what they're doing. | ||
| They're trying to intimidate people from paying attention to them. | ||
| You know, I just watched this morning, I woke up on Netflix, and I was watching a documentary called Tricked, about how guys pimp girls, how they get girls, like young girls, and pimp them out, and the stuff they say didn't convince them, and the girls giving their account of what You know, like, what the guy said to them and how they were like, you know, hey, I got invited to a party, and then there was no one at the party, and he goes, well, let's go have some dinner, and then, like, you know, two hours later, it was like, suck this guy's dick in a car. | ||
| It's the same when you hear these, like, adults who are out of Scientology talking about, and one guy was actually laughing a lot in the documentary, saying, like, I know it sounds so stupid telling it to you, that they were like, you know, if you don't sit in this room for the next three months, you know, you're all going to hell, and your, you know, your inner aliens are going to fuck you up or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Titans. | |
| I don't know how someone could talk you into that stupid shit. | ||
| The pimp mentality, I guess I'm not that convincing of a speaker to even think that I could do some shit like that. | ||
| I think you're not a loser. | ||
| And I think there's a lot of people out there. | ||
| I'm not saying that everyone who's a prostitute or a Scientologist is a loser. | ||
| But let's be honest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Losers. | |
| That's a quote. | ||
| The percentage is not so much in your favor. | ||
| But the point being, it's like, if you're down and out, and everybody's been down and out, there's certain people that get a different level of down and out than you've ever been, or I, or you. | ||
| That's the reality of it. | ||
| It's not necessarily that it's their fault. | ||
| It's just, there's levels of down and out. | ||
| And some people, your life is shit-free. | ||
| From the moment you're born, you're born into a terrible environment. | ||
| Your parents are fucked up. | ||
| Your family life is fucked up. | ||
| There's all sorts of abuse. | ||
| There's sexual abuse. | ||
| There's violence. | ||
| There's chaos. | ||
| There's crime. | ||
| There's starvation. | ||
| You never know where your food's coming from. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, some dude comes along and he's giving you love. | ||
| And that is reality. | ||
| It's not pretty and people don't like it. | ||
| But there's levels. | ||
| There's levels of fucked up. | ||
| You're talking about Scientology right now. | ||
| I'm talking about all of it. | ||
| Scientology and prostitution and Moonies and, you know, fill in the blank, Mormon, whatever the fuck you want to join. | ||
| Well, that's how anything extreme recruits. | ||
| Even like, you know, if you get away from your religious religion, like white supremacists recruit that way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| I mean, those documentaries on HBO used to be my favorite. | ||
| Pimps up, hose down. | ||
| No, no, I mean, Skinheads USA, did you ever see that one? | ||
| That's the one where the guy, like, you know, their leader, he's like, and, you know, I leave him alone here, I trust him during the day when I go work at the tire shop. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He works on, like, a used tire farm or something. | ||
| Did you see what happened yesterday in Texas? | ||
| No. | ||
| They had a Draw Muhammad contest, or a Draw Muhammad art exhibit, so some guys came and started shooting at them, and they killed these two guys that were shooting at this Draw Muhammad exhibit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Shooting at people in Texas is like, I mean, seriously, that's like jumping in the water and trying to bite a shark. | ||
| It might be one of the dumbest fucking things you can do. | ||
| Everyone around you, yeah. | ||
| Everyone in Texas is armed to the tits. | ||
| You can't just be shooting people in Texas, especially at a Draw Muhammad exhibit. | ||
| They should just draw Muhammad exhibits and then just have guys with police surround it and just wait for somebody to come. | ||
| That's like a honeypot. | ||
| That's like a trap. | ||
| That is a good way to shoot really radical extremists. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the idea that they think that they can shoot you, because I see this argued on Twitter all the fucking time. | ||
| They should have been provoking them. | ||
| If all they have to do to provoke you is draw a picture of a guy... | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| How could anybody ever form that argument by saying, oh, maybe they shouldn't be provoking them. | ||
| They knew what they were doing. | ||
| They're doing that to incite violence. | ||
| No, they're drawing! | ||
| That's it! | ||
| That's all it is! | ||
| There's something designed to piss off there. | ||
| I just don't think you don't... | ||
| To get to the point where they want to kill you, there's nothing. | ||
| Your mother could be sucking a gorilla's dick. | ||
| It's not good enough. | ||
| Your mother should be jerking off King Kong while Godzilla fucks her mouth. | ||
| No, it's not enough. | ||
| You can draw that. | ||
| No one's going to want to kill you. | ||
| But I believe in the thing that's like, yeah, draw Muhammad. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| But I think you shouldn't be... | ||
| We've already been over the shock that people will murder for this, so it's kind of like when that happens... | ||
| It doesn't blow you away as much. | ||
| I mean, if you hear about cops being in things where they killed a black kid, are you blown away anymore? | ||
| We're desensitized to that story almost at this point. | ||
| Yeah, well, I guess we are, to a certain extent. | ||
| We're not as surprised. | ||
| It's still outrageous to people, but we're not as surprised. | ||
| You know, just the idea that it's somehow or another excusable in any way, shape, or form, that you would think about that. | ||
| You think about, yeah, what they did is definitely ridiculous. | ||
| If you don't want violence, it's definitely ridiculous. | ||
| But if that's all it takes to incite violence, how the fuck do you end that cycle? | ||
| You're just gonna keep perpetuating that to the end of time? | ||
| Is it perfect? | ||
| It never needs any evolution? | ||
| The idea at all that somehow or another it's offensive to draw someone is so fucking ridiculous in 2015 that anybody that defends in any way, shape, or form, even like peripherally, you're way off. | ||
| If you talk to Dave Attell, he'll tell you that the whole world's like more nervous than ever. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like people are more offended than ever. | ||
| Oh, they are. | ||
| They are more offended than ever. | ||
| It's a weird time for comedy. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of shit that you're not supposed to make. | ||
| Like, people are actually saying... | ||
| Someone made a mild joke about Bruce Jenner. | ||
| And people were saying, you know, hey man, it's not cool to make fun of him. | ||
| Oh, it's not? | ||
| That Jamie Foxx thing was so, like... | ||
| Benign. | ||
| It was so benign. | ||
| And then Bill Maher had one too, and everybody was upset at it. | ||
| Listen, you know, whatever's wrong with him, whatever's wrong with Bruce Jenner, to say that you can't make fun of that, like, well then everything funny is off base. | ||
| You got a guy who is an Olympic gold medalist who's now become a woman, and he still wants to be a he, so he still wants you to refer to him as Bruce until he decides to change that. | ||
| He's shooting his lips up, he's taking hormones. | ||
| There's no humor in that? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's perfect? | ||
| That's beautiful and peaceful? | ||
| Technically, it's not too soon, either, because he's been wearing panties since, like, fucking 85 or something, he said. | ||
| And he's been taking hormones for, like, two years, right? | ||
| But he took hormones back, like, in the late 80s, also. | ||
| He did? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| In that interview, he says that. | ||
| This is the second time he's ever done that. | ||
| Oh, so he took the hormones and then got off of them? | ||
| And he had electrolysis take off all the hair on his face when he was way younger, too. | ||
| He was just super beautiful. | ||
| So, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So he went through all this stuff, like, way, way, way younger. | ||
| So, yeah, so, it's not even too, like, this is things that, I mean, people have been making jokes about him without confirmation from him for years, even on that Kardashian show. | ||
| I mean, making the same exact joke. | ||
| People are actually getting like, like, look at this prophecy when, you know, I don't, just to throw a name out there, it was like, you know, like, Dave Chappelle made a joke three years ago about this. | ||
| Like, yeah, he's looked like a woman for the past... | ||
| Fucking ten years. | ||
| Yeah, someone made a joke about it. | ||
| There was a joke on Saturday Night Live or something in the 90s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, about, like, it was a woman from behind and it's Bruce Jenner. | ||
| Or the opposite, thinking it was Bruce Jenner and it's a woman. | ||
| One of those. | ||
| You didn't watch the interview at all? | ||
| I watched very little of it. | ||
| There were some really great parts to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I had a fucking point. | |
| I can't remember it now. | ||
| Did you tear up? | ||
| Oh, this is the point. | ||
| No, I didn't tear up. | ||
| I thought the whole thing was ridiculous and hilarious. | ||
| You're not supposed to make fun. | ||
| Because you're supposed to be open-minded and you're supposed to be supportive and kind to someone who's obviously transitioning through a very rough and difficult thing. | ||
| That's all well and good. | ||
| And I'm with that. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| But if you're not homophobic or transphobic or any of that, you really don't have any problem with anybody doing anything they want to. | ||
| Do whatever you want to. | ||
| I'll totally accept it. | ||
| I have zero problem with it at all. | ||
| But to tell me it's not funny... | ||
| Like, please get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You got a guy who's becoming a woman... | ||
| Like, there's a guy who's 6'6", who's playing college women's basketball. | ||
| He's 50. Okay? | ||
| He was a man most of his life, had children, just decided at one point in time that he wanted to be a woman, and then found out that because he's now a new sex, he can re-enter college sports. | ||
| So he played college basketball as a fucking man back in the day, and now he's playing college basketball as a girl. | ||
| But he's 50, and he's a giant. | ||
| Full sex change? | ||
| Full sex change. | ||
| So he's moving around, and there's people that are freaking out about it, and there's people that are saying you shouldn't make fun of it, and you should just let it be. | ||
| Like, look... | ||
| To say this is not controversial is crazy. | ||
| You're a crazy person to say there's not some controversy in a 6'6", 50-year-old man playing college sports with girls. | ||
| I mean, what? | ||
| Okay, now he's a woman, so we have to call him a woman now. | ||
| Okay, but can we just concede that he was a man for 40 fucking years and has a man's frame and is enormous? | ||
| Can't we concede that being 50 is probably a little old to be playing basketball against teenagers? | ||
| No, because you got to protect people's feelings who write letters and shit. | ||
| Yeah, I mean look at the size of him. | ||
| The whole thing is like... | ||
| Her. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| She's a girl. | ||
| Even with the Bruce Jenner thing, what I found so interesting is... | ||
| Is that... | ||
| I feel like by what people would say, I'd be judged in my life as like transphobic, whatever that word means. | ||
| Yet, I have no problem. | ||
| I think you should be able to do whatever you want to do. | ||
| If you want to cut your dick off to get a pussy made by a doctor, get your dick cut off. | ||
| But... | ||
| I don't think I should be judged because I think that's bonkers. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, if you want to do it, do it. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I'm not afraid of being... | ||
| I wouldn't not shake somebody's hand because they were transgender. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| I still think it's like a fucking... | ||
| I think it's a decision that you probably should have been talked out of by somebody. | ||
| Well, maybe and maybe not. | ||
| I'm not talking about you dressing like a woman or being gay or feeling this thing, but... | ||
| I've made an argument many times, and I've gotten many arguments about this because people just, like, jump the gun on the words, but with gay, I'm, you know, my friend with me is gay here. | ||
| I have tons of gay friends. | ||
| I have no weirdness with gay people at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| I think it's like a deviation. | ||
| It's like something that went kind of wrong, almost like, you know, to the extent of like webbed fingers or something. | ||
| But there shouldn't be anything wrong with it, and people should be able to do whatever they want to do. | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying at all? | ||
| But if you're going to start marring your body to do something where it's like, even when it's done, like, no one's really happy from the stuff I've read and watched at least with like their new pussy. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You could say that. | ||
| You have to check a lot of dudes. | ||
| You're absolutely right. | ||
| A lot of gals. | ||
| How do you feel about your new pussy? | ||
| I said the stuff that I've seen and read. | ||
| There's two things. | ||
| One, the idea that they're all the same. | ||
| There's levels of everything. | ||
| You know, and there's certain people that want to be transgender and they still want to keep their dick. | ||
| You know, which is fine too. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I think there's some people that have mental illness and there's some people that really do feel like they were born in the wrong body. | ||
| I agree with you. | ||
| There's nothing... | ||
| I mean, why would I... I think... | ||
| Because you think it's like a misfit? | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
| It's very rare that you can cure something mental with surgery. | ||
| It's very rare that there's something that doesn't feel right to you, which I guess is a mental thing, or how you view yourself, and you can fix that with surgery. | ||
| That gets real strange. | ||
| That gets real strange, as far as just accepting who you are and what you are and what... | ||
| I would never want to be the person to tell someone what to do. | ||
| Like you and I, we're both covered in tattoos. | ||
| What if someone came along and told us we couldn't do that? | ||
| I love tattoos. | ||
| I think they look badass. | ||
| You can't use the Apple Watch now, Joe. | ||
| Yeah, I heard. | ||
| I heard. | ||
| But it's like, I don't give a fuck, man. | ||
| Do whatever you want to do. | ||
| I don't have any problem with it. | ||
| But I don't know what... | ||
| I don't know what you're feeling so for me to even comment on it in any way is kind of Kind of ridiculous for me to assume like I know what's going on whether I know you're crazy or whether I know that you were actually really born a woman or whether you know fill in the blank a Variety of reasons to decide you're in the wrong gender. | ||
| You might get bored being a dude You might have a bunch of women around you that you like more than you like men and you wish you were one of them I know a dude who was for the longest time was telling my wife he's gay. | ||
| No, he's not gay. | ||
| He's not gay. | ||
| He's not gay Boom! | ||
| He comes out, he's like 46. This poor bastard wasted his whole fucking life pretending that he wasn't gay. | ||
| I'm like, this dude is gay! | ||
| I'm telling you he's gay! | ||
| But he was always around these women. | ||
| He would hang around them and talk with them and be one of them. | ||
| It's like there was the energy in the room. | ||
| There's an energy in the room if there's a dude and maybe his girlfriend or a bunch of their friends. | ||
| There's an energy like, well, there's guys here and he's not gonna talk like us. | ||
| But this dude was in the mix. | ||
| He was in the mix with them about everything. | ||
| Have you seen the new bag? | ||
| And stuff that girls do, you know, he would move like them, man. | ||
| And if you had gotten a hold of that dude and talked him into it, he probably would have become a woman. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I think he could have been, if you hypnotized him. | ||
| He could have made him become a woman. | ||
| But gay, man, see, that's a weird one. | ||
| I think, first of all, definitely born that way. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| But I don't necessarily think it's like a... | ||
| I don't think it's a bad thing. | ||
| They seem to be enjoying it. | ||
| I think the only way it would be bad is if there wasn't enough people to reproduce. | ||
| I think it's just a deviation. | ||
| I think it's a deviation. | ||
| Like some people are tall. | ||
| That's the exact word I do. | ||
| I think it's a deviation. | ||
| But I don't think it's a negative. | ||
| You know, it just doesn't seem to be negative. | ||
| The only thing that would be negative is that they don't have a correct hole to fuck. | ||
| There's this transgender webcam room on Chatterbait where you can look at transgenders doing webcam stuff. | ||
| And you just stumbled upon this. | ||
| No, I was with this girl that she's like, you gotta check this out. | ||
| And I'm like, I don't want to look at this. | ||
| She's like, I want to see a good fake vagina. | ||
| And there was this one guy that on the top looked just like Tom Segura, like a normal guy. | ||
| And on the bottom, he had a really well-done vagina. | ||
| And it was deep. | ||
| It was deep. | ||
| She was jealous because he had this humongous vibrator in him. | ||
| And I didn't know... | ||
| Listen, you are haunting... | ||
| I didn't know it was deep, though. | ||
| It's such a weird... | ||
| Throughout the world right now with that image. | ||
| Tom Segura with a giant pussy. | ||
| Like a deep pussy and a huge black rubber dong. | ||
| I thought the fake vagina wasn't a deep thing. | ||
| I thought it was just kind of outer... | ||
| It just split a dick open. | ||
| I always assumed it was as deep as long as your dick was. | ||
| They just took your dick inside out. | ||
| Almost like it was a simple just pushing the dickhead like all the way back in. | ||
| I think they do like real surgery now. | ||
| If I remember, I think they can actually construct a tube in there. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure it's advanced. | ||
| But you know, I've interviewed... | ||
| He was creamy. | ||
| He was creamy. | ||
| Like, so what's that cream? | ||
| Is that cum? | ||
| Well, it has to be like some lube that they're using. | ||
| No, he... | ||
| I mean, it has to. | ||
| How much did you watch? | ||
| It's probably spit. | ||
| Do you know that movie, Ex Machina? | ||
| They weren't really robots, Brian. | ||
| I've seen some fake jizz before, for sure. | ||
| I've seen some fake dongs in porn. | ||
| There's this one guy, every porn he does, he keeps his pants on, and this fake dong just comes through the hole. | ||
| Oh, but they make him ridiculously huge. | ||
| You can see the strap. | ||
| It was just fake. | ||
| I'm like, who wants to see this? | ||
| This girl fucking this guy who's a liar. | ||
| He's got a big rubber fake dick. | ||
| I interviewed twice now. | ||
| The transgender chick that dated Michael Phelps was born, like, both sexes, she says, and became a woman. | ||
| She had a lot of surgery, but... | ||
| But that's not transgender, then. | ||
| That's like a decision. | ||
| She just did a porno. | ||
| She just did a porno, and she told me to look at the trailer, and I watched the trailer, and it's odd-looking, but she has a girl's body, but it's... | ||
| Is this available online? | ||
| It's available, yeah. | ||
| Can we see the vagina? | ||
| You can watch it right now. | ||
| Okay, pull it up, Jamie. | ||
| As long as it doesn't get on the Ustream. | ||
| We don't want to get Brad in trouble. | ||
| It's called Going for the Gold. | ||
| But if she was a vag... | ||
| Let me ask you this, because it's so important. | ||
| If she was born with both... | ||
| Okay, let me ask you. | ||
| If you were born with both, would you make a decision? | ||
| I think in this day and age, you'd be better off being that one dude that can do it all. | ||
| I mean, good luck replacing you. | ||
| Why not have both? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, unless you're homophobic. | ||
| They make that decision, like, I think, crazy young. | ||
| I think it's like a baby. | ||
| Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't. | ||
| You just put your dick away like a gas pump, just into your own pussy. | ||
| Extinction cord. | ||
| Parents would have way too much power to decide which direction a kid would go in that sense. | ||
| Some people argue the same thing with circumcision. | ||
| Well, you know, people have been circumcised and their dick got cut off, so they transitioned them to girls. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Yeah, they lost their dick in like a surgery mistake. | ||
| What am I going to see here? | ||
| Am I going to get to see it in this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| They're gonna show the box here? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, she looks a lot like a gal. | ||
| Oh, so they have a swimmer come and meet her through the pool. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| Whoa, what's that? | ||
| Her whole hand is just... | ||
| Is that a gay? | ||
| That's a man having sex with him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What? | ||
| He's eating it? | ||
| Okay, so is that guy... | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| I don't know what's going on. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| How do you... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| This looks like regular sex. | ||
| Yeah, this totally looks like a man having sex with a girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| That looks like a total vagina. | ||
| Like, if you didn't enjoy that vagina, you're just picky. | ||
| Oh, wait. | ||
| I thought this was a hermaphrodite. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, we just saw a guy jerk off on a former male. | ||
| A former male female. | ||
| A former hermaphrodite. | ||
| Trans-sexed. | ||
| Well, you didn't see the box there. | ||
| They showed it. | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, there it is. | |
| Where's the close-up? | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Get a close-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It looks like a box with balls. | |
| There's a large, stitches area above the box hole area. | ||
| The lips are bulky. | ||
| Yeah, it looks like there's balls inside the lips. | ||
| But again, if you're trapped on a deserted island and you get mad at this, you're a picky fuck. | ||
| If I was trapped in a hotel lobby in two hours, I'd give it a whirl. | ||
| I mean, we're all, you know, we're living in a weird world where there's going to come a time, I think, if not in our lives, in our grandchildren's lives, for sure, where they're going to be able to change your sex. | ||
| Like, you're going to be able to be... | ||
| Yeah, they're just going to give you some sort of a genetic alteration. | ||
| You'll be a woman. | ||
| I don't think that's going to be outside the realm of possibility within the next 150, 200 years. | ||
| They're just so close to fixing so many different things about people, and then once they fix everything... | ||
| I mean, they're never going to fix everything. | ||
| We're always going to have some diseases and colds and flus and shit, but I think they're going to be able to do some pretty incredible shit to your body, and then they're going to get to a point where people start going, you know what? | ||
| There's a clinic in Thailand, and all you have to do is pay them $50,000, and you can become a woman, like a real woman. | ||
| And you can turn back if you don't like it. | ||
| And they'll show clients that every six years they go back, you know, I was a man for five years, but I enjoyed a lot of lovely things that when I was a girl, I'd appreciate more. | ||
| And then, you know, it's balanced my perspective, being a man for 30 years, then a woman for five, then a man again. | ||
| I just kind of get it. | ||
| Four years I just took cock left and right. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| Maybe just yoga. | ||
| Just live as a girl. | ||
| Just do girl shit. | ||
| Also, the other thing you're going to have to deal with is, like, you see the perfect gal, you know, you see the perfect gal walking down the street, like, just Big ass and thin waist and big titty. | ||
| It's like, Jesus Christ! | ||
| Your genes just call out, right? | ||
| Like, your DNA just goes, oh my God! | ||
| Like, if a group of guys were like this, and we're not rude, right? | ||
| We're not rude people. | ||
| But if we saw some gal, and she was outside of ear range, like if she was walking down the street, you know, you would probably be like, dude, look at this. | ||
| And you'd go, oh my God, nature's amazing! | ||
| Look at the pole. | ||
| This is like a sunset or a fantastic art exhibit. | ||
| You're watching nature's art walk down the street in the shape of a beautiful girl. | ||
| What if you could just get that? | ||
| What if you just... | ||
| You just go to a doctor and then your body straightens up and gets straighter. | ||
| If you're a big boxy type gal, your body slips down the waves. | ||
| Your ass pops out. | ||
| Your tits pop. | ||
| And then everybody looks hot as fucks. | ||
| Isn't that like sexual communism, though, to some degree? | ||
| Like, you kind of want to keep it, like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a great term! | |
| That should be a ban! | ||
| Sexual communism. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a great ban! | |
| You really do want to keep... | ||
| Because don't you want to keep the elite? | ||
| Because there is something... | ||
| What I find interesting about looking at, like, chicks in that capacity at all, is that, like, there's some... | ||
| That are just fucking undeniable. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, I'd point out girls who I thought were beautiful and my buddies, like, you know, last night was like, that's an LA 6. And I'm like, I thought she was stunning. | ||
| How about Beyonce? | ||
| If you don't think she's hot, you're gay. | ||
| You have to be gay. | ||
| If you don't look at Beyonce and go, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Like, you know that, what's that fucking song, If You Like It Then You Should Have Put A Ring On? | ||
| Yeah, she's very sexy for sure. | ||
| Look at that fucking body though. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| There's a lot of girls that are undeniable. | ||
| It's like they're attractive and pretty. | ||
| But I'm talking about the undeniable where everyone's like... | ||
| Jennifer Lopez. | ||
| Yeah, in her prime, Jennifer Lopez. | ||
| Undeniable. | ||
| Beautiful, gorgeous. | ||
| Just get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Salma Hayek in her prime was just fucking stunning. | ||
| Undeniable! | ||
| Undeniable. | ||
| Kate Upton for a couple of years. | ||
| Undeniable. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah, it's absolutely true. | ||
| Like, there's some people, no one can even argue, like, oh, their ass is too flat, or it's too big, or it's too, you know. | ||
| Yeah, if you, you know, it's amazing. | ||
| You know, like Nicki Minaj looks, you know, some people think that's, like, ideal, and some people are like, it's retarded looking, you know, it's ridiculous. | ||
| Well... | ||
| The problem with that is, did she always look like that? | ||
| And if she didn't always look like that, how's her ass that big? | ||
| Am I looking at bags of water? | ||
| Like, what am I looking at? | ||
| I just saw her on SNL. I've seen her where her ass looks, you know, big, fat, and like good, and like the porn-esque, I guess, kind of way. | ||
| When I saw it last time, she literally looks like a battle droid. | ||
| Just like some kind of... | ||
| Just like tank bottoms, you know what I mean? | ||
| Isn't it weird in the 90s we never thought that was hot? | ||
| We were like, look at that girl's fucking fat ass. | ||
| Dude, I was just going to bring that up. | ||
| Not that it was a fat ass, but it wasn't something that everybody aspired to. | ||
| I was driving down the street the other day and there was some ad about building a better butt. | ||
| They're having classes at this gym just to build better butts. | ||
| And we're for real. | ||
| I saw that, but we're out here. | ||
| And then you see all these girls squatting in the back and like, oh Jesus Christ, like what happened? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Like that's a major shift. | ||
| You know what it was? | ||
| Black male culture kind of dictated the fashion and style and stuff for white dudes for a long time, kind of taking over the style of that. | ||
| And now like finally the black women are now kind of setting like the tone for like the body shape. | ||
| I think it was the depression. | ||
| I think people were so poor and starving, they forgot that they liked big asses. | ||
| And then it took like a while before they woke up, and they got through the 50s and the 60s and the 70s and the 80s, and then Sir Mix-a-Lock came along, and he had that one song, and everybody was like, yeah, wait a minute. | ||
| Like, why is it so great to me? | ||
| And then you too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| And it's almost like somewhere in there, there's like a resurgence. | ||
| Now, it's everyone. | ||
| You talk to men, like, what's the most important thing? | ||
| You know, what's the most attractive thing to a girl? | ||
| Almost every guy says ass. | ||
| Almost every guy. | ||
| It's the Cola Wars. | ||
| Cola Wars? | ||
| I'm a face guy. | ||
| Well, of course. | ||
| I mean, face is important. | ||
| Face will do a lot for me. | ||
| Also, as a guy who couldn't be picky when I was younger, I was a fat dude. | ||
| Like, face meant a lot. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| If I could go with a pretty face I could look at, and if she was big, like, you know, maybe she'll say yes. | ||
| Maybe she'll go back with me. | ||
| It really sucks, too, when you get close to a girl, and then you notice, like, the sunlight shines on her face. | ||
| You're like, oh, shit, she's got whiskers. | ||
| Or, oh, she has no chin at all. | ||
| She has, like, a weak chin. | ||
| I'm a little picky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, I'm just saying that's how important face is. | ||
| Because if it was tits or ass and the tits had this humongous brown mole on it, you'd be like, ugh. | ||
| Do you know what's weird for me, too? | ||
| If someone said tits or ass, over both of those, I'd rather see any girl's pussy. | ||
| I don't know why that means the world to me. | ||
| You're a pervert. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| You're like a meaty, right? | ||
| It's not even knowing that. | ||
| Even when she's like... | ||
| You know, hair. | ||
| Like, just the hair. | ||
| I'd be... | ||
| Do you want to see the pubes? | ||
| Just a little pubes? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Just the mound, the pubic bone, the hump? | ||
| I remember being a teenager, and what bummed me out when girls all started shaving their pussies bald was some girl told me, she goes, I go, let me see your pubes. | ||
| And she goes, I shave my pussy bald. | ||
| And I go, really? | ||
| And then she pulled her, like, pants down to, like, the top of her... | ||
| Classy. | ||
| We'll call it pussy slit, I guess? | ||
| And, uh... | ||
| Gosh. | ||
| What a good kid. | ||
| It's amazing, though, how not... | ||
| Exciting it was to see that... | ||
| If there was pussy hair there, you'd be like, oh, I'm not supposed to see that. | ||
| But when there's nothing there... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It takes away, like... | ||
| I'm 37, so when I was a kid, all porn, everything was like pussy hair. | ||
| So maybe that's what I'm just drawn to in that way. | ||
| But I find it really takes away... | ||
| I mean, when a girl wears those bikinis where it just comes right above where their pussy starts, you don't feel like you're seeing anything that weird. | ||
| But if you... | ||
| I saw a girl laying down and some pubes were coming out the side of her bathing suit. | ||
| That's actually, you feel like you're seeing more than if you saw all the top of her pussy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That Black Crows album. | ||
| What's that Black Crows album? | ||
|
unidentified
|
America? | |
| America? | ||
| That was gross! | ||
| That's a great album cover. | ||
| That's a great album cover. | ||
| Black Crowes are the shit. | ||
| That big muff. | ||
| They were the shit, son! | ||
| Yeah, it's weird when you... | ||
| I kind of forgot about pussy hair, and then when you see it, you're like, you kind of miss it. | ||
| I missed it. | ||
| Well, it's weird because when we were kids, it was like kind of iconic. | ||
| It was like that represented... | ||
| Like they would call it... | ||
| Guys would call it a beaver. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Just a little bit of pubes poking out of the top. | ||
| Remember Samantha Fox in the 80s? | ||
| And then they found out that over in England, she did a bunch of naked pictures. | ||
| And like, yeah, Big Bush. | ||
| She was a page six girl. | ||
| They used to have page six of their newspaper where they would show tits. | ||
| That's why they were so much more advanced than us with their art. | ||
| That's why the Beatles and shit came from there. | ||
| They were so much more relaxed. | ||
| They would show tits in the newspaper. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| It's just tits. | ||
| Everybody's so freaked out. | ||
| And hair was more of like an eyelash for the vagina for periods and stuff, so it wouldn't get everywhere, and that's why girls are... | ||
| That's not what it is. | ||
| The butthole hair was always disturbing, though. | ||
| Yeah, I don't like that. | ||
| Nobody ever liked the butt o'er, because some gals just did not know what they were doing when it came to wiping. | ||
| And back then, nobody had a bidet, and nobody had baby wipes. | ||
| It was toilet paper, and sometimes some of it stuck around. | ||
| So you get those little, looks like joints for little G.I. Joe figures. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joints for little G.I. Joe figures! | |
| They're all super tightly rolled up. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious! | ||
| Oh, a little shit joint. | ||
| Did you know those little nose trimmers that you buy? | ||
| You use that for your asshole also. | ||
| You can? | ||
| Yeah, it's super easy. | ||
| I was unaware of that. | ||
| Well, it's not rocket science. | ||
| It's not like trying to figure out solar power. | ||
| Nose hair trimmers on your asshole. | ||
| If it cuts hair, it cuts hair. | ||
| It just does. | ||
| And it doesn't cut you and stuff. | ||
| Well, couldn't you get one of those face shavers, those little nice ones down there with your asshole? | ||
| What are you talking about shaving your asshole hair? | ||
| His own asshole. | ||
| Oh, I just leave my asshole hair. | ||
| You know what, though? | ||
| You could do a way better job of cleaning it if your asshole is shaved. | ||
| But your asshole will grow that hair back like a wild bush, and then in a couple of days, you'll be just squeezing your ass cheeks everywhere you go to keep from just digging in there and just itching. | ||
| Just clawing at your asshole like a wolf trying to bury a caribou. | ||
| The stubble and ball stubble. | ||
| How come my face stubble barely bothers me? | ||
| My head stubble, like I got a lot of stubble up here right now, doesn't bother me at all. | ||
| But Jesus Christ, my asshole. | ||
| You just start moving around in your chair. | ||
| It feels good when you wipe your ass and you grab like a bundle of hair on the way out. | ||
| You know what's the best, man? | ||
| One-wipe Charlie's. | ||
| You ever try those? | ||
| I want them so bad. | ||
| Oh, they're the best. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's like a Badood wipe. | ||
| Like that kind of a thing. | ||
| Like a baby wipe. | ||
| They made for men, but they don't smell like flowers. | ||
| Like you just got ass-fucked by a flower floor. | ||
| I don't even use toilet paper anymore. | ||
| Yeah, well, that Japanese thing is the shit, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The bidet? | |
| Yeah, you're lucky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm going to install one in here. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to install one in here eventually. | ||
| Does it shoot like high-pressure water? | ||
| Come over into shit, hang out for an hour. | ||
| Is it high-pressure water? | ||
| High-pressure water, warm air. | ||
| It dries your asshole off. | ||
| There's two different speeds to the water it shoots in your asshole. | ||
| Totos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| It also cleans your vagina if you're a gal. | ||
| It cleans your vag area. | ||
| You can back your vag up, get a little tingly, tingly, and if, you know, you guys have a little time on your... | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I was a gal... | |
| When we went to Japan, I just sat there, seriously, for a half hour with the one shooting in my asshole, because it just felt so good. | ||
| Because it hit, like, the back wall of your butthole. | ||
| That's how long I'd have to do it to feel like I was, like, getting... | ||
| I still feel like I have to do paper afterwards. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| You didn't even walk out like worried. | ||
| It was so clean. | ||
| It was like taking a shower for your butthole. | ||
| I'm pretty meticulous. | ||
| You're not doing as good a job. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| You're just smearing. | ||
| Even if you're using baby wipes, you're just smearing shit over your hair. | ||
| Okay, imagine if I took some shit and I just rubbed it in the top of your hair. | ||
| You're like, I'm good. | ||
| I got a baby wipe. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You would never accept that. | ||
| You would get in the shower and you would clean your asshole hair. | ||
| Fair enough. | ||
| But if you told me I had 70 baby wipes and a roll of toilet paper, I'd take a shot there and get it out. | ||
| Or a shower. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Oh no, if there's a choice. | ||
| Hey, you've been dipping this fork in shit all day. | ||
| Dude, don't worry about it. | ||
| I rubbed it with 70 baby wipes. | ||
| I'd be like, oh! | ||
| That's not enough. | ||
| You gotta wash this fucking thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta get it in the washing machine in these hot water and suds. | |
| But again, let's say baby wipes and toilet paper. | ||
| Just trying to get my method approved. | ||
| But still, you would pick shower before that works. | ||
| Of course, shower is the best. | ||
| But I also, in fairness, yeah, I mean, I don't, like, do anything. | ||
| I don't go, like, out for the day, though, until I shower after I shit. | ||
| Do you stand up to wipe or sit down? | ||
| Stand up is sitting on even a possibility. | ||
| Who the fuck wipes their ass sitting down? | ||
| You must have really shitty cuffs. | ||
| I know. | ||
| What are your cuffs? | ||
| No, I don't do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He does. | |
| I wanted you to do it. | ||
| I stand up. | ||
| Find a target. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I stand up. | |
| I stand up. | ||
| Jamie, do you stand up or sit down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, everybody stands up. | |
| No, there's people. | ||
| Most people sit and they just go like... | ||
| Smell their sleeves. | ||
| Smell their watch. | ||
| Guaranteed them watch. | ||
| I was like, shit. | ||
| One more time. | ||
| Poupatron? | ||
| One of my buddies told me he goes from the front, he reaches between his legs and does it while he sits down. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Smell his balls. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How do you do that? | ||
| Jesus Christ, you don't. | ||
| He's an asshole. | ||
| You're not supposed to. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| It's a very specific protocol. | ||
| Imagine what people smelled like when they hadn't figured out wiping, and then someone finally figured out how to just kind of clean the area off a little bit, and everybody's like, oh, yeah, why would you just be covered with shit all the time? | ||
| When I used to do this poll on, when it had redband.com, I did this poll, and I did who stands up, who sits down, and it was like almost 50-50. | ||
| You don't have redband.com anymore? | ||
| Oh, I do. | ||
| It's just forwards now. | ||
| Oh, oh. | ||
| But yeah, it was 50-50. | ||
| Like, I know all these people. | ||
| It's like the dress, the stupid dress. | ||
| Take into account, it's 50% of the people that were going to your website. | ||
| Yeah, it was only like 100 people. | ||
| It's a small double test. | ||
| Sit and wipe is weird. | ||
| Yeah, it's very weird. | ||
| You're not going to do a good job. | ||
| Ari sits and wipes. | ||
| And you can see it in the Jew clam. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It's documented. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, he should... | |
| If ever there was a... | ||
| Like a billboard for Stand Up and Wipe Your Ass. | ||
| The guy who's singing and wiping his ass. | ||
| Something's wrong with his ass. | ||
| Well, especially that one. | ||
| That video was so ridiculous. | ||
| Ari had like a Homer Simpson's mouth asshole. | ||
| I watched it the other day. | ||
| It's still on LiveLeak, the uncensored version. | ||
| Everyone watched it. | ||
| Well, we had a whole episode of... | ||
| My podcast, Legion of Skanks, that I do, and one of our buddies said that he had a hemorrhoid, and he showed everyone his asshole, and then Ari said that he was like, to hold his asshole against Lewis's, and I mean, Ari's asshole blew everyone up. | ||
| I told him I was worried about how something's wrong. | ||
| Months? | ||
| So it's still like that? | ||
| Oh, yeah, no, it's still like that. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's not going away, man. | ||
| What? | ||
| Ari's going to have flare-ups like that. | ||
| The Jew clam's still alive. | ||
| He never killed the Jew clam. | ||
| So, really? | ||
| And he still has the Skittle balls. | ||
| Like, I swear to God, if someone's going to butt-fuck Ari, I feel like you could pull Ari's asshole up their dick like a sock. | ||
| Well, he's in... | ||
| He's in Thailand right now. | ||
| He's probably getting his ass pulled up. | ||
| What a convenient place to test that theory. | ||
| Brody Stevens special, please. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, that's so ridiculous. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Why? | ||
| What's wrong with that poor boy? | ||
| Aggressive wiping. | ||
| Dry wiping, I guess. | ||
| Aggressive dry wiping? | ||
| I mean, I couldn't picture what else would make that happen. | ||
| We're all ass doctors all of a sudden. | ||
| I remember the night that happened, I sent Duncan Trussell a screenshot, and he calls me back and goes, Hey man, what the hell is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a sock. | |
| That's a pink sock. | ||
| I didn't even know what a pink sock was. | ||
| But that's what it looked like. | ||
| It looked like it got turned out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got prolapse. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's Skittle balls. | |
| I can't believe we were at the Comedy and Magic Club and we're like, alright, Ari, show us your butthole. | ||
| Alright, now show us your balls. | ||
| And his balls had all those little balls in it. | ||
| Those little tiny Skittles. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| No, that was at the Comedy and Magic Club? | ||
| I don't remember that at all. | ||
| You make Ari do stunts like a fucking autistic kid? | ||
| Show us your butt now! | ||
| At the end of the Jew clam, it's like six months later, and you go, let's take a look back, or let's see what his butthole looks like now, and we're in the Comedy and Magic Club, and then Ari goes, alright, this is weird. | ||
| And he had Skittles attached to his balls? | ||
| No, no, like his balls were really like, they looked like they had egg sacks in them, or like tons of little balls in them. | ||
| Something was wrong with them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like marbles? | |
| It ends with you going, what the fuck's wrong with your balls? | ||
| I'd block that out like a child molestation. | ||
| I know! | ||
| That wasn't me that happened to. | ||
| What is it about comics that we like to show each other our cocks and show each other our assholes? | ||
| I've seen, when it comes to my friend's dicks, I've seen so many of my friend's dicks. | ||
| Joey Diaz used to pull his dick out all the time. | ||
| It would be hilarious. | ||
| Duncan's pulled his dick out. | ||
| Has Duncan pulled his dick out? | ||
| I've never seen Duncan. | ||
| Maybe not Duncan. | ||
| It's because you want to cross... | ||
| All the lines you can. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All the taboos. | |
| That you can. | ||
| That you can cross, like, possibly. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, you could, I mean, like, I've had some weird ones. | ||
| Ari had his balls out for, like, almost an entire episode of Opian Anthem once. | ||
| We gave this gal, Stalker Patty, we gave her a fake breath strip. | ||
| It was just a regular Listerine breath strip, and we told her that it was a psychedelic drug. | ||
| And she took it, and we told her she was tripping her balls off. | ||
| And so she's there, and Ari pulls his sack out, and we pretend like we don't notice it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And she's like, oh my god, his balls are out! | |
| What are you talking about? | ||
| So for this whole episode, we're pretending that Ari's... | ||
| And she is talking about how bad she's tripping, about how she can't believe... | ||
| It was complete power of suggestion and placebo effect. | ||
| She was tripping her balls off. | ||
| Did you ever show your dick and balls to anyone at the store early days? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Bobby Lee's another one. | ||
| I've seen Bobby Lee. | ||
| I've seen many pictures of Bobby tucked like a woman with his pants down in the bar area of the comedy store. | ||
| I've only met Bobby like four or five times, and I've seen his dick and ass a couple times, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jamie always shows me his dick. | ||
| Jamie's just always got his hog out. | ||
| Guys with real big pieces will pull them out pretty quick, too. | ||
| No, that's not true, because I've never done it. | ||
| I was going by the fact that I've never done it. | ||
| I definitely can't say I haven't shown someone my dick. | ||
| I haven't pulled it out for whatever reason. | ||
| I definitely have done it at least once. | ||
| But it's not a mainstay. | ||
| Like, for Joey, for years, it was a mainstay. | ||
| Joey would have his pants, because, you know, Joey doesn't really find belts that work. | ||
| He doesn't find pants that fit. | ||
| And so, he's always at a state, always, where he could just shake and his pants would drop. | ||
| And he'll go, ha ha ha! | ||
| And his balls and dick are just hanging out in front of everybody. | ||
| Joey did that, I don't know how many times. | ||
| I got a picture of him carrying a waitress on his shoulder, and his pants are down by his knees, and his balls and his dick is hanging out, and he's in the back parking lot area of the Comedy Store. | ||
| And by the way, this was back when Joey had zero career. | ||
| Joey gave no fucks even when he was starving. | ||
| Okay, Joey Diaz has been Joey Diaz since the jump Like he's always been a madman like before he was killing on the road and making great money He didn't give a fuck even back then was barely getting by trying to hustle get gigs together But he has always been like that's like he's the flag bearer for not giving a fuck on the west coast You say you don't give a fuck, but do Joey Diaz not give a fuck that was always the flag bearer He was always the standard Isn't it weird that girls don't just show their pussies more often? | ||
| Like, they don't just be like, yo, check out my pussy! | ||
| Just like guys do. | ||
| There's not a couple... | ||
| Because it's a male thing. | ||
| But let me tell you, but how far that's come is way different. | ||
| Like, how fast average girls will pull their pussies out is pretty crazy. | ||
| Well, I think there's a lot of competition now, too, with all this Tinder and all these different Match.com and all these different dating sites and shit. | ||
| People are just getting laid left and right. | ||
| Like, you get left out in the cold if you try to hold back. | ||
| I mean, that fucking... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| The website's about, like... | ||
| Ashley Madison? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, Ashley Madison. | ||
| Websites where it's like to... | ||
| People that cheat. | ||
| To fuck, yeah. | ||
| Can you imagine dating a girl that her job was a secretary to work for Ashley Madison? | ||
| You never trust her ever. | ||
| You would trust nobody! | ||
| She would trust nobody. | ||
| You couldn't trust her. | ||
| No one would trust anybody. | ||
| Their jingles are great. | ||
| Yeah, it's hilarious. | ||
| I mean, what a great idea. | ||
| Make a website that helps people cheat. | ||
| And what's so smart is in their commercials, too, they have it be a girl getting caught by her husband using Ashley Madison. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, of course. | |
| And then he goes, she's like, you know, I don't want to be celibate anymore. | ||
| And he goes, eh, I understand. | ||
| He's like, she goes, you know, maybe you should try it, too. | ||
| Like, you know, we should both just, and it's like, that's probably not how it goes. | ||
| Please, it's going to, guns going to come out, shots fired, cops show up, no one wants to go in the house, domestic violence, always a scary thing for police officers. | ||
| The only thing on the computer. | ||
| You fucking cunt! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you! | |
| Bang, bang! | ||
| They're shooting back and forth at each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ashley Madison, this is what we do. | |
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| 500% spike from women on the day after Mother's Day. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Well, that's what they're saying. | ||
| According to its data. | ||
| Come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They have data. | |
| 442% increase in science. | ||
| That's what we expect. | ||
| Come on, where's your fucking data? | ||
| It's Ashley Madison math. | ||
| This is a whole different system. | ||
| This is a fluff piece. | ||
| No scientists are doing studies on whether Ashley Madison is going to experience an uptake in business. | ||
| They did that to make people pay attention to them. | ||
| I'm not on it. | ||
| What? | ||
| I've never done Tinder. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You don't need to, you sexy bitch. | ||
| Nose ring, slinging dick, telling jokes. | ||
| My girlfriend... | ||
| She's on Thrinder, where you try, but that doesn't work ever. | ||
| What, you become friends? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| She's on Thrinder, where you're like, it's trying to find threesomes. | ||
| Like, find girls for threesomes. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't know. | ||
| It hasn't worked yet. | ||
| Maybe it's only been a couple weeks, I guess. | ||
| You need cocaine for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the only way that works. | ||
| No! | ||
| You pulled it off. | ||
| I'm sure you have a few times. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| It's like, man did start fires before they figured out lighters. | ||
| You're absolutely right. | ||
| But it wasn't so good sitting there with some fucking moss and a stick. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Shit takes a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're absolutely right. | |
| I guess coke would help. | ||
| Coke helps. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| If you try to get her to pull strippers, they're already coked up. | ||
| You don't have to worry about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at you. | |
| You're thinking ahead. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Just go to strip clubs. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Don't you feel like... | ||
| We only went to strip club once. | ||
| It was her first time, and she did pull a stripper. | ||
| She was great. | ||
| See? | ||
| Some guys feel, at least, that are comics. | ||
| The lifestyle is so ridiculous. | ||
| You're in a nightclub every fucking night. | ||
| You're drinking all the time. | ||
| You're smoking pot. | ||
| If anybody's got mushrooms, you're going to do those too. | ||
| You're eating at 3 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| You're getting up whenever the fuck you want to. | ||
| You're hanging out with hilarious, ridiculous people that want to get high and go to the movies at 1 in the afternoon. | ||
| You're like, fuck it, let's do it. | ||
| And you're laughing all the time. | ||
| You're going on the road. | ||
| Hanging out and going from airport to rental car to hotel, all these cracking jokes. | ||
| There's very few people that can relate to that kind of debauchery. | ||
| Most people are so tied down to some crazy 9-to-5 corporate life, job life, business life, where you've got to fucking pretend to be somebody for eight hours a day. | ||
| You can't be loose. | ||
| You can't be free. | ||
| And everybody's trying to conform to that in their... | ||
| After work life, too. | ||
| Everybody's like this weird fucking father-knows-best type clone figure of what an adult and a family is. | ||
| And comics were out there living this weird, chaotic life. | ||
| But I've actually very young... | ||
| Had to really balance both those worlds, and I did, you know, it was not the right thing to do, I guess, in many ways, and it was done poorly, but when I got right to the point in comedy, it was about, like, 23, I've been doing it for, like, three, four years, and I was in a world where now I was, like, going on the road and, like, if I was opening for a tell or Patrice and getting pussy and stuff like that and kind of living that lifestyle, like, I also was, you know, married with a baby daughter, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, my daughter's 12 now, and I'm 36, you know what I mean? | ||
| So she's almost 13, so... | ||
| It's like, it is weird. | ||
| I did have to do both those worlds, though. | ||
| You know, I was picking up from school every day, and then, you know, two weeks later, you know, I'm in Rhode Island with my buddies, and there's, you know, some fat girls blowing everybody and shit. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Just, like, weird shit. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, just, like, it was very weird to straddle those worlds, because you're also trying to instill morals and class into somebody while you're just, like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anything... | |
| I mean, I did just, like, sexual stuff especially, man. | ||
| Like, so much stuff just for, like, girls I wasn't even attracted to. | ||
| I think I'm just like, well, she will blow me, and, you know, I'll have an opener with me, and she'll suck his dick, too, and whatever, you know? | ||
| Like, just insane behavior that most people... | ||
| The average guy, even in the world of, like, you know, sexual looseness that we're in kind of now with that stuff, with all social media, like, not a ton of guys have had, like... | ||
| Threesomes with it's even one of their two buddies fucking a girl or two girls at once let alone like some of the Shit, someone way better looking than me, I've done a lot more stuff. | ||
| Well, they don't have time, right? | ||
| Most people are going from college, whatever sex you can get in college, and then, you know, you're working all the time trying to get your degree, then you get a degree, you get a job, you're getting the job, you're working overtime, you're always exhausted. | ||
| Like, where's the time for threesomes? | ||
| Where do you fit in your coke time? | ||
| You know, all that stuff. | ||
| What I was going to say is a lot of comics relate to strippers, because strippers are also living this crazy sort of debauchery-filled life as well. | ||
| They're making way more money than the average girl. | ||
| They're dancing on poles. | ||
| They're partying with friends. | ||
| They're totally irresponsible, and they're fun to hang around with, because they don't judge you for being a fuck-up as much as, say, a gal who's a lawyer. | ||
| When you're a loser comic, and you're dating a girl who's a lawyer... | ||
| My daughter's mother's a lawyer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's hilarious. | |
| It is. | ||
| It's pretty funny. | ||
| So she went to school. | ||
| She did the whole thing. | ||
| She did the hard work. | ||
| She got her fucking law degree. | ||
| She took the bar. | ||
| I mean, fuck, man. | ||
| Yeah, like no shit. | ||
| And I tried in years past to kind of like, there'd be these flickers where I'd try to like bring her into the debauchery. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm like, hey, we should do some of this weird shit together. | ||
| And she would, but I felt like I was corrupting a square that kind of wanted to be a square. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Not that she's a square. | ||
| I don't want to present it like that. | ||
| But it's just like, I felt like I was like, you wouldn't be involved in this kind of creepy shit if it wasn't for me. | ||
| This isn't where you want to be. | ||
| You know, I gotta... | ||
| There's nothing wrong with the term square, but I agree with you. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with being a square, too, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| If that's what you're into, there's a lot of people that just like going home, having tea, and reading a book. | ||
| That is a nice night for them. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| If it brings you genuine joy. | ||
| Why do you have to go to a rave? | ||
| Why do you have to go on Thrinder and find some other lost soul to partake in this dance of the flesh? | ||
| That's the damn way to put it. | ||
| We're lost souls. | ||
| Asian lost souls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're all, I mean, just do whatever the fuck you want to do. | |
| The more people will get over that, I think that's one of the things that I really truly have hope for with this new generation of kids. | ||
| All these people, I think, growing up, Excuse me growing up with the internet. | ||
| I think they're just gonna have a totally different acceptance of people being different I just think that we grew up in a weird time man. | ||
| We grew up I mean I'm ten years older than you so I grew up mostly kind of in the early 80s You know I went to school in 81 was my first year of high school So, I think that we just grew up in a time where we were just guessing. | ||
| Nobody kind of knew how many people were out there that were filled with the same amount of angst. | ||
| You kind of guessed by the movies that we all gravitated towards, or you guessed by the songs that we all listened to. | ||
| Fucking coffee with butter in it, dude. | ||
| I might have to stop. | ||
| Might have to go straight black. | ||
| Go back to Starbucks, bro. | ||
| I'm not going back to Starbucks. | ||
| Caveman coffee all the way. | ||
| But the butter, man, is not good pre-podcast for the phlegm production. | ||
| The point is, we didn't know, man. | ||
| Everybody knows now. | ||
| Transgender is a perfect example. | ||
| We're talking about people that feel they were... | ||
| If you were a fucking kid and you were growing up in 1984 and you were a woman trapped in a man's body, you had no fucking friends. | ||
| You had no recourse. | ||
| Good luck trying to find other people just like you. | ||
| What, are you going to join some club somewhere that harbors them where they have to come out and admit that they're a part of this? | ||
| No, now you go online, you can find a whole community of people. | ||
| Sure, for anything. | ||
| For anything, furries. | ||
| But even like, you know, there's communities of... | ||
| Fucking pedophiles that find each other, which is like, you know, horrible. | ||
| That is horrible, man. | ||
| And that's a real issue. | ||
| You know, that was one of those... | ||
| What was that fucking piece? | ||
| There was a big expose piece about this guy and his boyfriend who raised their son to be like a sex slave. | ||
| And they were bringing his son to all these other grown men. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about, Jamie? | ||
| Have you seen this? | ||
| You know, I don't even want to talk about it because it's so disturbing. | ||
| But it was a crazy expose where they followed these guys for a while and they suspected it. | ||
| And apparently they had kept this very close-knit relationship with all these rich pedophiles all over the world. | ||
| And they brought their son all around them. | ||
| And he was a really young boy. | ||
| And they were using him as this sex slave. | ||
| And they had figured it out somehow or another. | ||
| They figured out how to crack this group of tight-lipped people. | ||
| Eventually someone, you know, an email slipped out or something. | ||
| And they figured it out and eventually brought these guys to put this poor kid. | ||
| I mean, what the fuck, man? | ||
| These are the people that love you. | ||
| You're parents. | ||
| And you're being paraded around with them like this is this perfect family. | ||
| And meanwhile, you're bringing this kid around to all these pedophiles and they're fucking them. | ||
| Sociopath or psychopath? | ||
| I think that's both, right? | ||
| I mean, that's a sociopath in that you have no empathy, and a psychopath in that you're doing damage, right? | ||
| What is the difference between sociopaths? | ||
| I know I say that all the time. | ||
| Psychopath can feel emotion. | ||
| Yeah, I'll find it right now. | ||
| Psychopath does feel emotion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It's like a flashlight that can do chores. | ||
| That is a horribly fantastic way to put it. | ||
| It's like a Roomba with a butthole. | ||
| Okay, here's the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Let's see this. | ||
| Society has conspired with Hollywood playing two seemingly sexy psychological terms into our collective consciousness. | ||
| Psychopath and sociopath. | ||
| Psychopath and sociopath are pop psychology terms for what psychiatry calls an antisocial personality disorder. | ||
| Today, these two terms are not really well defined in the psychology research literature. | ||
| Nonetheless, there are some general differences between the two types of personality types, which we'll look in this article. | ||
| Both types of personalities have pervasive patterns of disregard for the safety and rights of others. | ||
| Deceit and manipulation are central features to both types of personalities. | ||
| And contrary to popular belief, a psychopath or sociopath is not necessarily violent. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So, psychopath and sociopath, they share a diagnosis. | ||
| There's an antisocial personality as someone who has three or more of the following traits. | ||
| Regularly breaks or flaunts the law, Big J Oakerson. | ||
| Constantly lies and deceives others, Brian Redband. | ||
| Is impulsive and doesn't plan ahead, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Can be prone to fighting and aggressiveness, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Has a little regard for the safety of others. | ||
| Brian Redband. | ||
| Irresponsible. | ||
| Can't meet financial obligations. | ||
| Doesn't feel remorse or guilt. | ||
| That's none of us. | ||
| We definitely feel guilt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, Brian, you're most likely to be a psychopath. | ||
| Me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I probably am. | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| 1% of the general population. | ||
| Sociopath, 4%. | ||
| Both suffer from... | ||
| Anti-social personality disorder. | ||
| Both lack empathy. | ||
| Both demonstrate complete disregard for the social rules and behavior standards. | ||
| That's Brian. | ||
| Both fail to feel any remorse or guilt. | ||
| That's not you at all. | ||
| Both are violent. | ||
| That's not you at all. | ||
| So that's weird. | ||
| What's the difference? | ||
| Okay, whatever. | ||
| See, this is where I zone out. | ||
| Pop psychology is a great word, too, because when it does get into the... | ||
| You know, when it becomes part of the collective cautions, as it says, like people just scapegoat those things so much. | ||
| How many people in your life just call themselves bipolar? | ||
| Look at this key difference. | ||
| Psychopaths are as likely to be educated and have a good career sociopath is likely to be uneducated and unable to keep a steady job That's fucking interesting That they updated a lot of these and Psychopaths have controlled behavior where sociopaths have erratic behavior Huh? | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Huh. | ||
| That's fucking weird, man. | ||
| Either way, fucked up. | ||
| Both highly manipulative, impulsive, spontaneous. | ||
| Sociopath, more spontaneous. | ||
| And psychopath, more manipulative. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| You could find yourself in a few of those and then things that are definitely not you in all of them, too. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's definitely things in there where, you know, when I'm feeling... | ||
| I'm like, oh my god, I'm like a highly manipulative person. | ||
| It'll make me upset at myself. | ||
| But that, just the next thing under there is like, it's because I have personal tattoos. | ||
| I don't want to hurt people or anything like that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I just feel like when you break variables down like that to like two columns. | ||
| That's what I mean, yeah. | ||
| You find too much of yourself and none of yourself in all of them. | ||
| None of yourself. | ||
| You're complex, man. | ||
| I mean, you're a lot of different things, and you're a lot of different things from week to week. | ||
| I mean, you're a different person one week, and then the next week, you know, things might be going way better in your life, and you might interact with the exact same person in the exact same moment in a totally different way, which makes you pretty much a different person in a lot of ways. | ||
| You change all the time. | ||
| I think the real thing is empathy. | ||
| People who lack empathy. | ||
| That really scares us. | ||
| People who will victimize other people, grueling other people, want to kill other people, want to do harm to other people, stalk other people, that kind of shit. | ||
| That freaks us out. | ||
| And that's what we're really worried about. | ||
| We're worried about someone who goes after someone. | ||
| Like, someone who tries to harm them, especially physically. | ||
| That scares the shit out of us. | ||
| Like, someone could just... | ||
| Like, have you ever seen a video of this guy who was into just stabbing people in the ass? | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| Yeah, he stabbed a bunch of people, and they got him on a security camera. | ||
| This guy was in, like, a retail store, just walked us, some dude, just shanks this guy in the ass, like, five, six times. | ||
| He doesn't even know what's happening. | ||
| It's a black dude doing it to a white guy, too, which makes it extra spooky. | ||
| The idea that you could just zig when you should have zagged, and you run into some guy who has a buck knife, and he's just shoving it in your ass in a department store. | ||
| Like, that's possible. | ||
| Like, you could run into that guy. | ||
| That kind of stuff freaks us out. | ||
| There was a, in the East Village, maybe a year ago... | ||
| And they've had video of it, which is pretty brutal. | ||
| It's just a little old Asian guy walking home. | ||
| Like, I think it was even that late at night. | ||
| Maybe like 10, 11 o'clock at night. | ||
| And I could be wrong about that. | ||
| But there's this video, and this black dude goes up behind him, and it's a little old Asian guy. | ||
| And he just starts beating him against a wall. | ||
| He just beats him to death. | ||
| In the middle of the street, out of nowhere, unprovoked. | ||
| I mean, comes up behind him and attacks him. | ||
| The word was he was like, you know, all screwed up on drugs, the kid. | ||
| Like, whacked down on something. | ||
| But... | ||
| The police station is on my block. | ||
| In the East Village. | ||
| So they brought him in there. | ||
| So we saw all the news vans and everything out there. | ||
| Me and my buddy went over and we just kind of watched the guy come out. | ||
| To be a part of something like that, his face when they brought him out, he definitely felt something. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| He had kind of a scowl on his face, but it didn't seem like... | ||
| Remorse. | ||
| Just the face of a guy who was involved, just that violent of an action. | ||
| Like there's a death. | ||
| Like a death happened. | ||
| And it wasn't even like a... | ||
| We all fear those things, and also I don't see myself doing it. | ||
| I know fight or flight, obviously, but hitting someone in the head with a hammer, the thought of what that would just do, the actual physical action of that is mind-blowing. | ||
| I couldn't possibly wrap my brain around Just like how some people are just so smart you could barely understand half the fucking shit they're saying. | ||
| It's like when you talk to particle physicists and they're talking about CERN and these experiments they're doing trying to locate the large, you know, using the Large Hadron Collider to try to locate the Higgs boson particle. | ||
| Like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| Are we really the same thing? | ||
| Well, there's other dudes whose brains go off in a different direction in a way that you can't even recognize. | ||
| The thought patterns of someone who just walks into a Walmart with an axe and just starts taking people out. | ||
| Those people exist. | ||
| The guy who got on the tower in Austin, Texas that one day, the school in the university, I think it was back in the 60s or the 70s, he just started shooting people from the tower. | ||
| Until they finally took him out. | ||
| But fuck, man. | ||
| But did you know with Ted... | ||
| What the hell was his name? | ||
| Ted Bundy? | ||
| No, not Ted Bundy. | ||
| Charles Whitman is who you're talking about. | ||
| The guy from the Tower of Texas, yeah? | ||
| Does his name? | ||
| Apparently, when he was autopsy, he had a tumor on his temporal lobe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| It took away all of it. | ||
| So when it just got big enough, it took away all his inhibitions. | ||
| He actually killed everything he saw on his way to that tower. | ||
| He killed his dog at home. | ||
| He killed, I think, maybe his girl. | ||
| But he killed a few people on the way. | ||
| So it was just, he would have actually been found not guilty today. | ||
| I heard arguments about saying people say he would not be found not guilty today because that was actually a physical problem that guy had. | ||
| But, you know, can you, am I saying the right word here, behaviorally teach someone to become a psychopath? | ||
| Because, you know, we're in L.A. now too, which, you know, was always home of like the Crips bloods, gang wars. | ||
| I mean, you just take these kids that they're willing to shoot in the crowds indiscriminately and just kill people. | ||
| And later that night, play Madden. | ||
| Well, you can if you raise them in a totally fucked up way from the time they're born in the worst possible environment. | ||
| People imitate whatever atmosphere they're in. | ||
| If you're in an atmosphere that's filled with violence and horrific crime and that becomes the norm and you get your respect by committing more violent and more horrific crime so that everyone's afraid of you. | ||
| You become this bad motherfucker with a lollipop which just shoots people in the face. | ||
| There's a lot of dudes like that because that's where they get that good feeling. | ||
| They get their good feeling of accomplishment by being the biggest fucking psychopath around. | ||
| That's just a total failure of the environment that person's being developed in. | ||
| But that's also what they have to do in war, man. | ||
| I mean, that's what war is all about. | ||
| War is all about turning people into psychopaths. | ||
| Do you see that fucking thing I posted on Instagram today? | ||
| Look at this thing. | ||
| Pull up this image that I posted on Instagram. | ||
| It's from World War I. Now look at this. | ||
| This picture is 20 years before King Kong. | ||
| And the picture is a propaganda picture depicting the Germans as savages. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| This was about Germany. | ||
| See, he's got this club in his hand, and the club says KULTUR, K-U-L-T-U-R. That's like, I guess how you say it in Germany, maybe? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But it's supposed to represent German culture. | ||
| And this was, this predated King Kong by 20 fucking years. | ||
| But it's a gorilla, like, with like a crown, like a German helmet with a spike on the top of it. | ||
| And the gorilla's holding a woman and her tits are out. | ||
| Her tits are out. | ||
| You'll have to show tits back then. | ||
| Even in an army propaganda film, you've got to protect the tits. | ||
| And this gorilla with this club, it says, destroy this mad brute. | ||
| And then it says, enlist U.S. Army. | ||
| And if you go to Joe Rogan on Instagram, you can see it. | ||
| It's pretty crazy. | ||
| In the sand, it says America. | ||
| I wonder if... | ||
| They kind of stole the idea for King Kong from that poster. | ||
| I wonder if that was a pretty well-known poster back in the day and maybe the writer got the idea from looking at it. | ||
| Could have. | ||
| Kid could have grown up seeing that, you know, and then 20 years later made a movie like it. | ||
| I mean, I think, but the idea of guerrilla, you know, at the time, this is another really interesting point, at the time, mountain guerrillas were not even known to be real. | ||
| Like, mountain gorillas really only became known for sure in the early 1900s. | ||
| So, this is a relatively recent animal in a lot of ways. | ||
| Like, gorillas, there's always been talk of gorillas and different types of primates, and they've always known that chimpanzees existed, and orangutans were very confusing to people in the early 1800s. | ||
| But when they were documenting all the different animals, they didn't definitively document the mountain gorilla until the early 1900s. | ||
| So you're looking at something, probably, I guess that's supposed to represent a mountain gorilla or some kind of gorilla. | ||
| You're looking at something that was like a relatively recent idea to people, this picture of a gorilla. | ||
| And it's also, you're looking at something that's only probably 50 years after the invention of photography. | ||
| Think about 50 years ago. | ||
| You're talking about like 1960-something, right? | ||
| Think of that. | ||
| Think of 1960-something. | ||
| We're still driving 1960s cars around. | ||
| Those are classic cars. | ||
| That was when the fucking photograph was invented for them. | ||
| And here they are looking at this image of a gorilla carrying a woman like, whoa. | ||
| The idea of a gorilla was pretty recent. | ||
| Yeah, but that's Germany. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Like, France and England were supposed to be civilization, and Germany, these were mad barbarians from, like, the Roman days. | ||
| Like, that's what the Germanic tribes, that's what we thought of as Germans in the 1900s. | ||
| They connected them to barbarians. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| So much so that when we went to war with them, they couldn't have been more sleek. | ||
| They were so advanced in so many ways. | ||
| So much engineering. | ||
| Weaponry and all that shit. | ||
| But to this day, the automobile industry, their cars are some of the most advanced cars in the world. | ||
| The Germans make Mercedes, they make BMW, and they make Porsche. | ||
| I mean, we're done. | ||
| Those are like the three, like, if you had to pick, like, a top three most advanced, best engineered, high-end cars, those are the three. | ||
| Like, those are the top of the, like, Ferraris are badass, but everybody knows that fucking thing's gonna break. | ||
| If you're one of those guys... | ||
| Gonna crack if you bump into someone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You buy a fucking Ferrari, like, bitch, you know you can't go to Vegas and that thing. | ||
| You're gonna be halfway in the desert and something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bang! | |
| Have you seen that car that goes on air? | ||
| It's called, like, Blow or Leaf or something like that. | ||
| It goes 100 miles on air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And it has a compressor in it that takes four hours to charge. | ||
| You just plug it in. | ||
| No way! | ||
| Or you can go to a gas station and if they have, like, the compressor for your... | ||
| You can fill it? | ||
| Fill it up in four minutes. | ||
| Dude, you gotta be kidding me. | ||
| No, and what's crazy is it's already big in the UK. They're just now making a plant in Hawaii, and it only costs $10,000. | ||
| Wow, that's a game changer. | ||
| Yeah, Ed Begley on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Ed's probably the CEO. It was on Shark Tank. | |
| Can you blow in it if you have really strong lungs? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That should be like your workout every day. | ||
| It's pumping your car up. | ||
| Look at that little thing. | ||
| I see people in smart cars in New York. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| Dude, that doesn't even have two wheels in the front. | ||
| That's a bike. | ||
| I don't even know if that's the same one I saw. | ||
| That's a bike with a helmet on. | ||
| The Aircomobile? | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| The AirPod. | ||
| The AirPod was on Shark Tank. | ||
| Oh yeah, I guess that's it. | ||
| Let's see a video on this bitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That looks to me like a bike wearing a helmet. | ||
| That's all it looks like. | ||
| That does not look real. | ||
| And it definitely doesn't look like something you'd be safe in. | ||
| How does that pass all the crash standards and all that shit? | ||
| Well, that was one of the things. | ||
| Like, all the sharks didn't invest in it because, you know, they only have three prototypes of this, and it was just about to go into the manufacturing, so they haven't done the actual test yet. | ||
| Why don't you just Google it, Jamie? | ||
| Just Google AirPod video. | ||
| Because we can't just go on their Facebook page and click on every link. | ||
| You're going to get this dog shit. | ||
| This is how we made the seat. | ||
| What the fuck about this seat? | ||
| We'll stand if you could drive 100 miles from here. | ||
| A type of foam that's very light so we can drive forever on air. | ||
| Look at this fucking thing driving around. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Dude, that gets no traction. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| That's so scary. | ||
| Imagine if you were on black ice and that piece of shit. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| I think you could make that same thing if you could pedal it. | ||
| You could probably pedal something that size. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Probably pretty good. | ||
| Backup pedal. | ||
| A boost. | ||
| The pedal would be a boost. | ||
| It's a moped. | ||
| Look how you get out, though. | ||
| That's so Jetson. | ||
| That's sick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, and you control it using a joystick, like a video game. | |
| Whoa, that is trippy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like that. | |
| That's trippy. | ||
| But what if you want to text and drive? | ||
| You can't even do that. | ||
| You need two hands to control this pitch. | ||
| I want in the middle, like Maverick, if I'm going to control the joystick. | ||
| That's probably a good idea to keep people from texting and driving. | ||
| Make them control the car with two sticks. | ||
| Two-hand joysticks, yeah. | ||
| One for turning, one for going straight and back. | ||
| But you can't look slick. | ||
| Like, if you're rolling your 6'4", and you got your hand up like this, rolling in my 6'4", and all the hook is saying, right? | ||
| That long arm holding on to the top of the steering wheel. | ||
| Sup, boys? | ||
| Sup? | ||
| You know? | ||
| I don't think the windows go down the thing. | ||
| Look at the fucking window! | ||
| You're just blasting yourself with music. | ||
| Look at the front wheel. | ||
| It's about as big as a tic-tac. | ||
| It's a go-kart wheel. | ||
| It's a wagon. | ||
| It's like a child's toy. | ||
| Wheelbarrow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so small. | ||
| I mean, look at this weird fucking engine, too. | ||
| But hey, man, if you're in a fucking city, do you think it has heat? | ||
| That's a good question, right? | ||
| Does that have heat? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Does it have anything? | ||
| How weird is this? | ||
| Watching that thing fill up with air. | ||
| What if someone comes along and just shoots a hole in your air tank and you fucking explode? | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's oxygen, yeah. | ||
| It's just oxygen. | ||
| What's interesting, though, is that this is even possible. | ||
| Can you imagine somebody like Porsche or somebody getting behind this kind of idea of We're not even using fuel, we're using air. | ||
| That's fucking nuts. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, there's a problem with that. | ||
| How are you generating that air? | ||
| Like, what are you doing to get that compressed air? | ||
| And how much fossil fuels are involved in making that air compressed? | ||
| Yeah, that process might require some shit like that. | ||
| I mean, maybe they can do it with solar. | ||
| Maybe there's a way to power some sort of a generator with solar that pumps air. | ||
| That seems possible. | ||
| If that's true, boy, that would be like the greenest shit of all time. | ||
| But it would also be real. | ||
| Oh, wow, there's a back seat. | ||
| Or is it a two-seater? | ||
| No, it seems like she climbed in the back. | ||
| Or is this a different one? | ||
| No, it was a two-seater. | ||
| They were next to each other. | ||
| Oh, so there's more than one model. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Do you ever watch that Shark Tank show? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's actually pretty decent. | ||
| There's not enough time. | ||
| I find a lot of things in there that are, like, this company called Bagel Bites in New York. | ||
| I'm now, like, addicted to them. | ||
| They just send you all these different kinds of bagels, and they're just like little bagel balls with cream cheese in the middle of them that you put in your oven. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| I support that show, Hunter. | ||
| I support anybody who's encouraging people to come up with a good thing. | ||
| Diamond Dallas Page Yoga. | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| Have you tried it? | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's pretty hard. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker, Dallas Diamond Page. | ||
| Yeah, I interviewed him. | ||
| He gave me a copy of him. | ||
| I've been doing it on the road. | ||
| Yeah, it's a good thing doing hotels on the road. | ||
| Dude, yoga is hard to do. | ||
| I would have laughed at yoga three years ago. | ||
| I'll show you a Hicks and Gracie documentary called Choke, where it shows Hickson doing yoga and you realize like, oh, I think I have a weird idea about yoga because I think of all these chicks doing it. | ||
| Yoga is hard, man. | ||
| And it's really good for your body. | ||
| And it's fantastic for your core. | ||
| See, there's a lot of people that, and I was guilty of this myself for sure, when you work out all sorts of different ways... | ||
| But what you don't work out in is your body's ability to move as one unit and your flexibility and your body's like balance and sovereignty. | ||
| Like where your body, you could do whatever you want to do with your body. | ||
| Like stand on one foot and just stick your leg straight up in the air. | ||
| There's a lot of people that can lift a fuckload of weight. | ||
| There's a lot of people that can run upstairs and do laps on this fucking pool and back and forth and back and forth and they're just animals. | ||
| But Ask them to stand on one leg, grab their foot, and stick their foot straight up in the air, and then balance. | ||
| They literally can't do it. | ||
| They can't balance their body like that. | ||
| It's because they don't have full control of their body. | ||
| And what yoga gives you is this weird control of your body. | ||
| When you get really good at yoga, like Hickson did... | ||
| He was one of the reasons why he was one of the best jiu-jitsu guys in the world. | ||
| It wasn't just that he knew every move there was. | ||
| It wasn't just that his dad was Ilio Gracie. | ||
| He was one of the greatest jiu-jitsu artists, one of the most important martial artists ever. | ||
| It was also his physical abilities were superior. | ||
| Because he was into all that yoga and all this bodyweight stuff, he would do all these crazy exercises, man. | ||
| He would do all these balance beam things. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| There's a video of him on the beach in Santa Monica. | ||
| And he's doing, like, these pistol squats on a balance beam, holding his foot up and sticks his foot right above his head. | ||
| And he's a jiu-jitsu master. | ||
| Pull that video up. | ||
| It's crazy to see, because you think about what you can do with your body, and you think about how much effort it would take to be able to do what this guy's doing right now. | ||
| I'll tell you, Diamond Dallas Page in his 50s, in the video, standing on one leg and holding his leg up in the air, Oh, yeah. | ||
| And the way they pull it out, too, it's when you go up in the middle and you pull it out, and it's really impressive. | ||
| I mean, I can't even get close to what he's doing. | ||
| Well, it's also what he's done is fix a lot of people's bodies. | ||
| A lot of my back a lot my real annoying lower back problems for like about a year and a half and it's made that much much better I bet it would much that it would strengthen your entire core. | ||
| I'll show you machine after we get out of here I've got a thing in the back for lower backs. | ||
| It's called a reverse hyper It was made by this guy Louie Simmons who's this world-famous power lifter guru from Columbus, Ohio and From Westside barbell and Westside barbells his organization. | ||
| He came up with this machine that Much, much better. | ||
| That it works sort of like your legs are hanging. | ||
| You lean your upper body over a table and your legs are dangling. | ||
| From the waist down, they're dangling. | ||
| And they hook up to these rollers like a leg curl machine, sort of. | ||
| And with a straight leg, you lift your leg all the way up and then you let it go down. | ||
| And as it's going down, it It pulls on your lower back. | ||
| It's like an active decompression. | ||
| So you lift it up, it strengthens. | ||
| You lift it down, it decompresses. | ||
| Lift it up, it strengthens. | ||
| If you want to look at it, folks, it's called Reverse Hyper. | ||
| You can get it online. | ||
| I bought mine from a company called Rogue Fitness. | ||
| Rogue Fitness is all the CrossFit stuff. | ||
| They have all that cool shit, but I'm telling you, this Reverse Hyper has been amazing for my back. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Have you ever done, I was, my apartment in New York is just too small to store one, but I want to get an inversion table soap. | ||
| I have one back there. | ||
| I have two back there. | ||
| One that you do from the waist down, you like lean forward on it. | ||
| I'll show you both of them after we do that. | ||
| Yeah, I'm so curious. | ||
| Let's hang upside down like a bat. | ||
| I do it every day. | ||
| I do it every day. | ||
| I do it every day for five minutes. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Every time I work out, every time I lift weights, especially if I lift anything heavy, like if I do squats or anything like that, I do it right after I'm done. | ||
| And I do it for as long as I can until I feel relaxed. | ||
| I just want my back to open up. | ||
| Do you feel that happen? | ||
| Do you actually feel it like they make noise at all? | ||
| But without that noise. | ||
| See, like that noise. | ||
| That's exactly what you're hoping for. | ||
| That's the magic cure. | ||
| But it's not. | ||
| That's not really. | ||
| Nothing's really happening there. | ||
| That's like nitrogen being released. | ||
| It's not really fixing anything. | ||
| It just sounds cool. | ||
| I love the sound. | ||
| Like when I go to the car. | ||
| Chiropractor and I get cracked. | ||
| I love the sound. | ||
| But the reality is that's not what's fixing anything. | ||
| What's fixing is the adjustment of the spine and what's fixing when you're doing that conversion table, inversion table, it's the decompression of your muscles. | ||
| Like your muscles relaxing and stretching. | ||
| So you've got to be able to actually concentrate on relaxing your lower back. | ||
| And most people can't. | ||
| Most people, they tense up. | ||
| So even when they lie hanging by their ankles, it's one of the reasons why some doctors Erroneously think it's not effective. | ||
| They go, well, you're just going to support it with your back anyway. | ||
| A little. | ||
| But if you understand how your body works, you can relax that area. | ||
| And I feel a great difference between holding it tense and relaxing that there. | ||
| I feel the stress on that lower back area. | ||
| And it's lengthening the muscles. | ||
| It's pulling them. | ||
| It's stretching them in a way that it's very hard to stretch those muscles. | ||
| It's very hard to stretch them that way. | ||
| Your body's malleable, man. | ||
| The reason why some people are super flexible, there's a little bit of genetics involved there, but a lot of it is just pushing. | ||
| Just hard work and pushing on the flexibility. | ||
| Just every day, making it move a little bit more. | ||
| Move a little bit more. | ||
| When you see a dude with crazy holes in their ear, you can do that shit to your body. | ||
| You can stretch things out. | ||
| You can put a plate in your lip. | ||
| You can do that also. | ||
| You can lengthen your neck at all. | ||
| Yeah, you can lengthen your neck with those wires of those crazy ladies put on, but you can also kind of stretch your body out that way too. | ||
| There's soft tissue manipulation. | ||
| There's only a certain amount you can get away with, but you can, if you push it hard enough, long enough, you're really dedicated, you can stretch a lot of shit. | ||
| And one of the problems that people have with their lower backs especially is their hamstrings. | ||
| Like, if your hamstrings are really tense, That puts a tremendous amount of pressure on your lower back, and it also limits your mobility. | ||
| It limits the way your body can move around, and that also puts pressure on your lower back. | ||
| Do you stretch at all with your hamstrings? | ||
| I do. | ||
| Yeah, I've taken a lot more to stretching. | ||
| I did CrossFit for like two years, and I lost a bunch of weight doing it, which was great in that regard. | ||
| But, uh, the damage on, like, speed powerlifting is not a good idea. | ||
| It fucked up your back? | ||
| That's what I think did it, yeah. | ||
| I mean, just like, you know... | ||
| You would be one of men. | ||
| Swinging kettlebells, uh, sometimes just like, and not even that, I don't even think kettlebells were much of the things I, for some reason, I was kind of able to focus, like, my stance on kettlebells, because it was never that heavy, but things were, they, you know, they want you to do, like, uh... | ||
| You know, like Cleans or like Snatch. | ||
| And then they show you the form for 20 minutes and then they go, now as fast as you can for 8 minutes. | ||
| And the best guy's done this and you don't want to be a loser like that guy. | ||
| So, you know, be as good as this. | ||
| You know, try to do it fast. | ||
| How many people drop those weights in their head? | ||
| The form is just sacrificed. | ||
| How many people do you see drop weights in their head? | ||
| Actually, all the injuries I saw were people missing box jumps. | ||
| That's when people get hurt the most. | ||
| Their shins get busted up on those wooden boards. | ||
| Well, you know, that's probably the easiest to fix. | ||
| That's just a cut and a bruise. | ||
| The real hard stuff to fix is the back stuff. | ||
| You know, when you start doing powerlifting in, like, large repetition movements, you know, trying to do 50 clean and presses, yeah, you lose, you know, the most important thing with powerlifting, the most important thing is proper form. | ||
| It's the most important thing by far. | ||
| And you should never abandon that, ever. | ||
| And that's, like, one of the things that people criticize CrossFit for. | ||
| Steve Maxwell, who's a good friend of mine, who's a fantastic trainer, probably one of the most knowledgeable people I've ever met when it comes to, like, fitness training, he's like, He's always on top of like the latest modalities and different techniques and stuff like that. | ||
| He hates it. | ||
| He thinks that you should exercise. | ||
| Yeah, I can see that. | ||
| I give it its due because like with minimal... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hard work. | |
| Right now I diet much harder and I do more yoga than I would say I do like, you know, heavyweight training. | ||
| I try to do more stuff like that, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like cardio and stuff. | ||
| There's Hickson. | ||
| Yeah, that's insane. | ||
| Watch the video, though. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Watch him work out on the beach, because it's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| He does pistol squats. | ||
| This is all different things he's doing, but you've got to see the gymnastics in Santa Monica. | ||
| That's a totally different video. | ||
| He's dressed like Channing Tatum in Foxcatcher. | ||
| It's a little gay. | ||
| This is from Choke. | ||
| This is a different one. | ||
| It's different footage. | ||
| It's him on the balance bar in Santa Monica Beach. | ||
| He's doing that kind of shit, but he's doing it while he's walking on a balance bar. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| And also those kind of like applied like muscle skills are great. | ||
| Like American Ninja Warrior, that's such a cool show. | ||
| What? | ||
| You don't think any of that's neat? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You went from Hicks and Gracie to American Ninja Warrior Show. | |
| Such a cool show. | ||
| No, but I'm saying just the idea that you could like... | ||
| Like, the concept of hanging off the side of a building terrifies me, because there's no chance I'll pull myself up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If I catch a ledge by my fingertips, and the fact those guys can, you know, ascend on their fingertips is fucking bonkers. | ||
| Those free climbers are fucking spooky. | ||
| What those guys are doing, like that dude we had on, Alex Honnold, the guy who goes up the side of mountains, like, backwards. | ||
| That guy's insane. | ||
| He's insane. | ||
| Have you ever done parkour? | ||
| Parkour? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a good way to break your neck. | ||
| Did you ever see the Russian guys who go on the cranes and just do like chin-ups? | ||
| We've played every one of those. | ||
| It makes my legs quiver watching the videos. | ||
| Yeah, my feet go numb. | ||
| I couldn't even imagine trying to do that. | ||
| Your whole body starts shaking, just watching them. | ||
| I saw this video the other day of this guy that goes out on this ledge of this hotel, like super high up, and he just starts jumping from one like patio, like Had that like this little part on it just from one to another. | ||
| You're talking about that new cell phone video? | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Yeah, it's for the Samsung Galaxy, is it Galaxy Note or Galaxy S6? Is it Neil Brennan doing the jumps? | ||
| Neil Brennan's a fucking parkour master. | ||
| Yeah, the guy like he straps the video camera, he straps the camera on him and then turns the video on and then jumps from like building to building but it might be bullshit. | ||
| It might be CGI'd. | ||
| I'm not exactly sure because he's doing some fucking insane jumps. | ||
| I'm not exactly sure if he's really doing those jumps. | ||
| Parkour fuckups are fantastic. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no, that's not... | ||
| You ever seen this? | ||
| No, I've seen this, yeah. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is an edge camera video. | ||
| Look at this fucking guy, man. | ||
| I mean, it seems real. | ||
| This is the one I'm talking about right here. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Takes a photo of their food. | ||
| Guys jumping off of buildings and shit and taking photos of food. | ||
|
unidentified
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But would you jump... | |
| You could definitely jump, you know, four feet. | ||
| If it were the run, you could definitely jump four feet, without a doubt. | ||
| Jump from four feet or four feet in the air? | ||
| No, I'm saying you could jump a distance of four feet, you know, for a fact. | ||
| You could absolutely do that. | ||
| I wouldn't jump four feet from building to building. | ||
| I mean, there's definitely an amount of money, I guess, that I would do that for, I suppose, but I mean, like, I would still be... | ||
| Emotionally panicked, like going to do it, even if I know, even though I know I can jump, you know, significantly further, I'm sure. | ||
| Like, I'm thinking of four feet. | ||
| How many feet wide do you think this table is? | ||
| Three? | ||
| What do you think this is? | ||
| No, more, right? | ||
| No, that's more than three, yeah. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Four feet wide? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, see, I could definitely jump over that. | ||
| With a run and everything like that? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Even just standing there, I could definitely jump over that, but... | ||
| If below was like a hundred stories. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I mean. | ||
| My hands are sweating, dude. | ||
| I just said that and my hands started sweating. | ||
| Well, because I'd have to assume. | ||
| I have to assume. | ||
| What is that, Brian? | ||
| This video will make you faint. | ||
| And I gave it to Jamie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't make me faint. | |
| No, but this is the one I'm talking about. | ||
| Look how high that is. | ||
| And he just starts jumping from one corner to one corner. | ||
| And at the end, he has to stop. | ||
| Do you have that? | ||
| But you could, you know, have you ever in your, I guess probably if you're going really hard, but have you fallen off of a chin-up bar ever? | ||
| No. | ||
| And you still would not want to, like, take that? | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| So you're confident in your pull-ups, and you wouldn't want to do it over those cranes. | ||
| Well, if you fell, you would just land on your feet. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| No, he's not doing this. | ||
| Is there sound to this? | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Oh, watch this. | ||
| This is fucked up. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| He has to stop at the end. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Dude, look. | ||
| They're dripping. | ||
| My hands are dripping. | ||
| I should feel my hands. | ||
| They're fucking soaking wet right now. | ||
| Yeah, it's real anxiety. | ||
| And it's just for a guy you don't know or anything, just the fact that... | ||
| That guy's out of his mind. | ||
| The fuck is he doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look how far up it is! | |
| How much would someone have to pay you, Brian, to do this? | ||
| Never, never. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| I would faint. | ||
| Yeah, this there's no amount of money for. | ||
| No. | ||
| I would suck dicks before doing it. | ||
| I don't think I have that much faith in my coordination. | ||
| Would you suck dicks before doing that? | ||
| Probably, yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many dicks? | ||
| As many as they want, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I'm not doing that, because you can't die sucking a dick. | ||
| You would know halfway through the dick, this dick is spoiled. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| The dick's going bad. | ||
| I'm sorry, sir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't suck this dick. | |
| Do you have an expiration date on this dick? | ||
| Because I am not going to get trichinosis from your dick, sir. | ||
| You've got to look under his nuts for a stamp. | ||
| A date stamp. | ||
| Stop getting fucking Guardia from your dick. | ||
| I'm not dying. | ||
| I wonder if transgenders that have fake pussies, if they feel like they can't get a period, that they're like, oh, only if I could get a period. | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| There'll always be something else, is what I'm saying. | ||
| I don't think I'm going to super throw with it. | ||
| And also, there's that weird thing. | ||
| It's because it does end up being... | ||
| Made where the dick was. | ||
| So it's also an oddly placed vagina usually also. | ||
| It's kind of like high up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's where the dick hole. | ||
| I've seen one in real life. | ||
| Do you think they put just like ketchup packets in there and they squeeze just to make it feel like, you know, like... | ||
| I think they'd probably pretend... | ||
| Here's Hickson on the balance beam. | ||
| As crazy as that sounds... | ||
|
unidentified
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Look at this. | |
| As crazy as that sounds, but they do that, but I mean like... | ||
| Like, you know, girls who want to become men wear a fucking fake dick all day. | ||
| Yeah, look at this. | ||
| Yeah, that is true. | ||
| There's a lot of girls who do do that. | ||
| Exploding blood packs in their vagina. | ||
| Those things you'd think you'd want to be a vampire when you were a kid. | ||
| Look at this fucking balance this guy has. | ||
| He just sat down on it. | ||
| He's putting his foot down. | ||
| And then watch, he's going to stand up from here. | ||
| I like that he's working for it, though, too. | ||
| But watch this. | ||
| But it's because he's standing up on one leg from his ass down. | ||
| That's also like a rounded pole, it looks like, you know? | ||
| No, that's flat on top, dude. | ||
| But your balls, though. | ||
| No, watch how he does this, though. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| He stands up, and then once he gets all the way to the top, then he does a split. | ||
| He grabs his foot. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| His fucking balance is amazing. | ||
| And that was one of the reasons why he was so good. | ||
| He had a combination of everything. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here, man. | ||
| That dude's doing a split. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
| Standing on a balance beam. | ||
| That's like the ultimate control of your body right there. | ||
| If you can do that, you could basically do anything. | ||
| He's the greatest jiu-jitsu fighter of all time, too. | ||
| Like, widely recognized by almost everybody ever as being the greatest. | ||
| Hicks and Gracie? | ||
| Yeah, I don't think it's a coincidence that it's also he can do ridiculous things with his body that, like, I bet LeBron James can't do that. | ||
| I bet Kobe Bryant can't do that. | ||
| You know, I bet what he can do that's a very unusual... | ||
| But I wouldn't bet, uh, GSP could probably do that, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
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Maybe. | |
| Things similar, too. | ||
| Close. | ||
| Yeah, George is a pretty amazing athlete. | ||
| He does that thing where he does those broad jumps up on those little ledges, you know, in between them, and he goes up, and I mean, that's like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he's also very flexible, too. | ||
| That's a big flexibility move. | ||
| You have to be really flexible just to be able to hold your leg up there like that. | ||
| You know, George is pretty flexible. | ||
| Did you see the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight? | ||
| Did you watch that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What did you think? | ||
| We talked about it. | ||
| It's just boring. | ||
| I know we talked about it. | ||
| You said you liked it, yeah. | ||
| But I think that most people were disappointed, right? | ||
| I just was bored. | ||
| I called it very easily from the beginning. | ||
| I can't believe I asked you. | ||
| We already talked about it. | ||
| It seems like that UFC, MMA has really spoiled boxing for me because I just, I mean, it's not like Mike Tyson days, it wasn't exciting like that where, you know, it was... | ||
| Yeah, but it's not gonna be. | ||
| But that was the best of their best. | ||
| That's the best boxers right now. | ||
| And if that's your best, why are we watching a hundred bucks? | ||
|
unidentified
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That's twice as much as UFC. I think the UFC is 60 now or something like that. | |
| It's a million fights. | ||
| Over the course of the night you get free fights. | ||
| But don't you think, like everybody says, fuck this, I'll never watch boxing again. | ||
| I think that's bullshit. | ||
| I think they will. | ||
| I'll still watch it, but I'm not going to pay a hundred bucks ever. | ||
| But who's going to be a real star? | ||
| Who's going to tear through Again, like a Tyson. | ||
| That's what you need. | ||
| You need somebody with that kind of vicious, like, knockouts. | ||
| You need to bring excitement back to it. | ||
| One thing... | ||
| There was excitement around this fight, but I never fully understood why. | ||
| I really was like... | ||
| I think I called that from the second they announced the fight. | ||
| I go, Mayweather wins by decision. | ||
| What about Canelo Alvarez? | ||
| I'm not familiar with him. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's fighting next week. | ||
| He's fighting this upcoming Saturday. | ||
| They're gonna show the rematch of the Floyd Mayweather fight on HBO, and then he's gonna fight. | ||
| Saturday or Friday? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'd rather watch UFC from Australia, right? | ||
| The last good boxing match I watched was Chris Algieri beating the Russian. | ||
| Provodnikov? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was a fun fight to watch. | ||
| Did you see Lucas Matisse versus Provodnikov? | ||
| No. | ||
| Provodnikov and Matisse go to a war for 12 rounds. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| I mean, it was a crazy fight. | ||
| That's like the kind of fight that everybody wanted from Pacquiao and Mayweather. | ||
| Like, just show a couple, just a few minutes. | ||
| Show highlights of the Matisse-Provodnikov fight. | ||
| This fight was like some crazy Rock'em Sock'em robots, Rocky V. Like, it was a movie fight. | ||
| In all of UFC and boxing, or MMA and boxing for me, I'd say one of my top five fights of all time is boxing. | ||
| Diego Corrales versus... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was his name? | |
| It was one of those three names, I believe. | ||
| I know who you're talking about. | ||
| Jonathan Taylor Thomas. | ||
| Jonathan Taylor Thomas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He got pissed at the world. | |
| JTT was getting wobbly towards the 7th. | ||
| I know what you're talking about, though. | ||
| I mean, they fought in a phone booth, they said, you know, for... | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| And, you know, it was back-and-forth knockouts. | ||
| Kind of like that Pat Berry-Chick-Congo thing. | ||
| Yeah, this is these two guys fighting. | ||
| I mean, this is Provodnikov and Matisse. | ||
| It was a crazy fight. | ||
| They smashed heads. | ||
| Right there, but this like this was like one if you want to watch like a blood and guts fight Like everybody wanted the Mayweather fight to be you got to watch this fight because it was fucking incredible Jesus I mean these guys just back and forth beat the fuck out of each other Provodnikov takes a punch better than any living human that's ever walked the face of this fucking planet When he's done he looks like a like an Asian like dry cleaner lady He really does he's always stretched out his face is bizarre He looks like they pulled him out of like a woolly mammoth | ||
| Tusk in the middle of the fucking Himalayas or some shit. | ||
| He's such a stud though So it's like a fucking animal as a fighter and he they did a Took photos of his drug test after the fight and his urine was black I mean black. | ||
| It's from blood. | ||
| Like Coke. | ||
| Like Coca-Cola. | ||
| That's what his piss looked like from this fight because this fight was so crazy. | ||
| I mean, it was just like one of the nuttiest fights I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| And that was the kind of fight that Jose Luis Castillo, right? | ||
| Wasn't that who it was? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Diego Corrales. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jose Luis Castillo. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And they went back and forth. | ||
| Just back and forth nailing each other. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Yeah, he had some great fucking fights. | ||
| And then Diego Corrales died not crazy long after that. | ||
| He died in a motorcycle accident. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, he was a wild dude. | ||
| You know, those wild dudes just fucking... | ||
| But then they'll make the movie of his life, and he'll be like, I was just starting my charity work. | ||
| You know, I'm done. | ||
| I'm done with this crazy fight game. | ||
| I'm going to preserve my family. | ||
| Stop cheating on my lady. | ||
| What I'm going to do right now is I'm going to help the little kids coming up. | ||
| And then it'll be some kid drinking, laughing, and he turns a corner and smashes into him. | ||
| I know there's a lot of people that complain about the end of, uh, you know, that guy's being dragged over the coals now. | ||
| He's dead now, but the Chris, the American Sniper guy? | ||
| Chris Kyle. | ||
| But it's like the same thing. | ||
| It was like, I'm gonna go help this wacky guy out. | ||
| She's like, you shouldn't do it. | ||
| He goes, hey, everyone deserves help. | ||
| And it's like, you know, he never came home that day. | ||
| I bet he was just like, you know, probably all, you know, he's like, fuck you, bitch. | ||
| Fucking cunt. | ||
| Well, now I have to leave, you fucking cunt. | ||
| That's why I asked for breakfast to be done an hour ago when I got in the shower, you twat. | ||
| I'll be back at 7, you fucking dumb whore. | ||
| Change your attitude before I get back. | ||
| Dead. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| You never know, man. | ||
| You're watching a movie about someone's life. | ||
| Most of the shit they're saying, they just did not say. | ||
| Do you try to not leave town or hang up on it? | ||
| I always say with, I think, any girlfriend I've ever had, Or if it's like, let me not leave town getting on a plane while we're in a fight. | ||
| I've thrown that all away. | ||
| I will absolutely get on a plane. | ||
| And then while I'm on the plane, I'm like, if this plane goes down, it's going to fucking ruin the rest of her life. | ||
| Fuck her. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| So, this Baltimore thing, what did they do to this guy? | ||
| The catalyst, you mean? | ||
| He died in a police van, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They injured his neck, right? | |
| Like a spinal cord failure, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I had read from a very non-credible source that he was already injured. | ||
| It's not true. | ||
| It's not true. | ||
| So he died from an injury he sustained. | ||
| So all the stuff that everybody had said about it being all the rumors. | ||
| Those motherfuckers with their fake stories. | ||
| They're so dangerous. | ||
| He had a broken heart. | ||
| The best part of that was hearing other guys that were in the van, too. | ||
| Like the other criminals. | ||
| Alleged criminals that were in the van with them like giving their account of it was always great Because it goes why come him hurt himself? | ||
| Of course the cops did he can't hurts himself like that. | ||
| Yeah, that's not the guy you want himself NBC news comm says disputed report And then, Freddie Gray hurt himself in police van? | ||
| That is not journalism. | ||
| You shouldn't be able to do that. | ||
| You shouldn't be able to say, disputed report, and then the title, Freddie Gray hurt himself in police van? | ||
| You're just getting off the hook. | ||
| You haven't done the fucking work, and you're trying to get the story out, and you're trying to get clicks before you've done the work. | ||
| You don't know if that's a story, you fuck. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| Like, that's sneaky shit for NBCnews.com. | ||
| That's really sneaky shit. | ||
| Because that's not a story. | ||
| You know what that is? | ||
| Disputed report on a news site? | ||
| How about you do some fucking journalism? | ||
| How about you follow up? | ||
| Make an actual report? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| What you're doing is, if you say something like that, people like me just read the headline and start repeating it. | ||
| I heard he hurt himself in the van. | ||
| I already tried to hurt himself in the van. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fucking guy hurt himself in the van, okay? | |
| And they're burning down the dry cleaners. | ||
| The best example of how easy that shit goes is... | ||
| Wasn't there a comic at one point that was accused of something and everyone just says he did it? | ||
| Who? | ||
| I can't remember his name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bill Cosme? | |
| Yeah, no. | ||
| No, it was a comic... | ||
| Who Lives Out Here, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But, uh... | ||
| Terrible examples? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Let's keep moving. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Let's do another one. | ||
| Did you hear about this fucking kid in L.A.? How about Duke Lacrosse? | ||
| That's a great example. | ||
| Did you hear about the kid in L.A. that got shot by the cops? | ||
| A 13-year-old kid or a 19-year-old kid that got shot. | ||
| He was crying for his mom. | ||
| Unarmed, crying for his mommy before he fucking died. | ||
| Unarmed. | ||
| The cops thought he had a gun, shot him through a fucking screen window. | ||
| They saw him. | ||
| He's standing there. | ||
| He's got a gun! | ||
| Bang! | ||
| They just shoot him. | ||
| It wasn't doing anything. | ||
| It wasn't a criminal at all. | ||
| Total accidental death from some incompetent person that happened to be a police officer. | ||
| And now this, you know... | ||
| Well, idiots can become police officers. | ||
| But my point was... | ||
| That Duke Lacrosse thing is a good example. | ||
| Because people still use that as an example of, like, a rapey situation. | ||
| Like, the Duke Lacrosse team... | ||
| Didn't happen. | ||
| Yeah, didn't happen. | ||
| And they're always kind of like... | ||
| People still say that. | ||
| Well, people are terrified of fraternities actually doing something like that. | ||
| So the Duke Lacrosse case is just one of those. | ||
| But like the UVA, the University of Virginia thing, that Rolling Stone printed this huge article about, never happened. | ||
| They just did shit journalism. | ||
| They failed at every level when it comes to journalism. | ||
| And this is goddamn Rolling Stone. | ||
| But because it's such a sensitive subject and people are really sensitive about calling out someone that may have actually been a victim, like being wrong, Sure, sure, sure. | ||
| And saying, you weren't a victim, and it turns out they were. | ||
| People are so terrified of that, that they actually skirt away from the real journalism. | ||
| You know, and that's what's happened. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You don't want to get, like... | ||
| You don't want to get in trouble. | ||
| Because if they're right... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but you know that thing, the Duke lacrosse case? | ||
| That was one of Nancy Grace's pets. | ||
| Those boys raped that girl! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They took that girl and did terrible things! | |
| I mean, she never apologized to that. | ||
| I mean, she was flat-out accusing them of that on television. | ||
| You know, it's kind of the same thing. | ||
| It's not journalism. | ||
| The story's not done. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| Unless you were there, you gotta fucking get all your ducks in a row. | ||
| And even then, man, people lie. | ||
| There's a lot of weird shit going on. | ||
| Whenever there's a story... | ||
| And then there's two different sides of that story. | ||
| Boy, this gets tricky. | ||
| Trying to figure out who's telling the truth and who's not telling the truth and what is what. | ||
| Like, fuck, man. | ||
| Especially when it's just like two, it's like the only witnesses of the groups that were there, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those behind closed doors accusations are fucking, that's so, man, never want to be on those juries. | ||
| Yeah, no shit. | ||
| And it's also, it's weird, the difference in, like, the stories that catch. | ||
| You know, there's stories that catch fire, and then everybody wants to walk in the street and protest. | ||
| Like, this kid in LA, this is not catching fire. | ||
| For whatever reason, you're barely hearing about this. | ||
| Baltimore's burning down. | ||
| Yeah, Baltimore is burning down, and the guy who was in police custody is an admitted criminal, right? | ||
| Like, everybody's kind of admitting that this guy has done crimes before. | ||
| And this is just simply a police brutality issue. | ||
| But this kid who got shot in L.A. isn't even a criminal. | ||
| He's just a kid. | ||
| It was just a mistake. | ||
| Like, that's terrifying to me. | ||
| They're just willing to shoot that 12-year-old boy in Cleveland. | ||
| The guy gets out of the car. | ||
| A cop who was taken off of a different police squad because he was dangerous. | ||
| Because they were like, you gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| They kicked him off and another department hires this fucking guy. | ||
| He gets out of a car. | ||
| In two seconds, he's shooting at a 12-year-old with a gun. | ||
| And not saying that being a cop isn't a fucking insanely difficult job. | ||
| And not saying that... | ||
| I've said many times, I don't think anybody can do it right. | ||
| I think it's just way too much stress and way too much pressure. | ||
| But my point is, how weird is it that some stories catch and some stories don't? | ||
| Like some stories, they just... | ||
| They just slip right by. | ||
| You hear about the guy getting shot by the cops and there's no protest and everything. | ||
| It just becomes another story. | ||
| It just becomes another statistic. | ||
| And then Freddie Gray. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Or that kid in Ferguson. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Michael Brown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| It just like catches. | ||
| And then the fucking protest gets crazy and everybody just goes nuts over it. | ||
| I would say Cleveland's not that kind of town, but it is. | ||
| Well, how about the South Carolina one, where the guy got shot? | ||
| They didn't riot. | ||
| That guy got shot in the back, man. | ||
| That guy got shot in the back, and there's a fucking video of it. | ||
| But there's no crazy riots like there are in Baltimore. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's mob mentality, man. | ||
| If you can get the mob to start calming each other down, it spreads that way. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Let's take this to the streets, peaceful... | ||
| But if... | ||
| If the controlling interest of people start going out there and just, like, kicking in cop car windows, that's the way it's going to go. | ||
| I found that, like, I didn't think there was anything good about that. | ||
| I thought that was terrifying. | ||
| Watching people, like, and again, if this was so much wrapped around, like, we're riding because we're pissed off, we're not going to take it anymore. | ||
| Like, high five. | ||
| You see people laughing. | ||
| Eating candy in the background while they're stomping on fucking cop cars and shit. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It's such like a... | ||
| It really is terrifying. | ||
| It's a third world for a third world. | ||
| I think the cops leave those cars there. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think they leave those cars there as like something to take their anger out on. | ||
| Leave them a car... | ||
| No, but you know what? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Like Blanca and Street Fighter? | ||
| You give them a cop car to destroy, and those cars are insured. | ||
| It's a bonus level. | ||
| And it gives them something to destroy. | ||
| And I really think that. | ||
| I really think that that's probably a strategy in a lot of ways. | ||
| Take a cop car, leave it in an area where you know that there's going to be some protests, and just let them fuck it up. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Baltimore Mayor gave those who wish to destroy space to do that. | ||
| She got in trouble for saying that, but... | ||
| Okay, but what she said, which she was criticized because they thought that she was actually giving the green light to go ahead and riot. | ||
| By a mayor not trying to calm people down, but instead by saying something like that, the interpretation was that what she did was she almost gave them like a license to go out and smash shit. | ||
| She's a black lady, yeah. | ||
| She's cute. | ||
| We gave those who wish to destroy space to do that as well. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| She's black, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Why do you keep having to bring that up, man? | ||
| Dude, I don't see color. | ||
| Because I feel bad she has to answer for so many things also. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Put that back. | ||
| Let me read that again. | ||
| Yeah, no, I hear it. | ||
| Listen to this quote though. | ||
| Because while trying to make sure that we are protected from the cars and other things that were going on, we gave those who wish to destroy space to do that as well. | ||
| And we worked very hard to keep that balance and to put ourselves in the best position to de-escalate. | ||
| That sounds to me that she's very pragmatic. | ||
| See, no, when I read it in context, what that sounds to me like she's a pragmatic woman, and what she did was she made a calculation and decided that these guys are going to destroy things, and maybe that was admitting that they left some cop cars there, too. | ||
| Smart move, right? | ||
| Take a loss for the greater good, maybe, you know. | ||
| But there's, I mean, the greater good, I mean, they burnt a lot of shit. | ||
| They smashed a lot of things. | ||
| A lot of cops got injured. | ||
| Fuck being a cop, man. | ||
| It's too hard. | ||
| This day and age, fuck that. | ||
| We need them, though. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| You know, I'm really I said it's one of things like who's gonna do it? | ||
| It's a certain it's a certain personality that's gonna go do it. | ||
| Yeah, and you know actually I mean There's I guess there's multiple personalities that can do it But a lot of times ends up being the same guy, you know It's it can you know and obviously the abusive people are when it becomes a problem But the really calm people they're super valuable Super valuable asset to the community if you have a really good calm cop who actually can deal with shit Good luck finding one of those. | ||
| Good luck being that guy, too. | ||
| It's a hard road, and you're not gonna get nearly the respect that you feel like you deserve for putting your fucking life on the line on a daily basis. | ||
| Breaking up family disputes and stopping crime and break-ins and fucking carjackings and all kinds of crazy shit you have to deal with. | ||
| Everybody's lying to you. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Some of the worst things though is when a cop really does buddy up to you and starts opening up his weird moral like world like where his morals are to you. | ||
| It's it always blows my mind I've had him say things like yeah, it sucks. | ||
| He's fucking homeless around here You know, we used to be able to just beat their ass, but now it's like they're watching us everywhere You're like really I've heard him say uh One guy was bragging to me that he's never had... | ||
| I was smoking weed in his presence. | ||
| And he was like, yeah, I wish I could smoke again, man, but they just test us all the time. | ||
| He goes, but you can check my arrest records, man. | ||
| I've never arrested anyone for weed, never arrested anyone for a DUI. And I was like, what? | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| No, man. | ||
| You have to immerse every DUI. Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You're trying to make some correlation to me. | ||
| I saw a guy drunk on the road the other night, pretty sure drunk, thinking of whether or not I should call him in. | ||
| So I got beside him in the lane, backed up, and stayed behind him, watched him weave in and out of the lane. | ||
| I couldn't tell if he was drunk or he was tired, because he would keep it up for a while, and then he would drift, and then he'd come back in and keep it up, and then he was good. | ||
| It was hard to tell, but it was disturbing as fuck. | ||
| It's like all these cars are flying around going 70 miles an hour and this one guy is not fully in control. | ||
| I've had to call a few times just because every time I come home, it's that time. | ||
| The bars are closing. | ||
| And so once in a while, you just have to do it because you see how bad it is. | ||
| Like, all right, that's ridiculous. | ||
| I called in once. | ||
| Called in once, coming down the one-on-one. | ||
| Some fucking guy was just taking two, three lanes at a time. | ||
| Just go straight across and then back on, straight for a little bit, a little bit of wiggle. | ||
| Ooh, drift to the right. | ||
| Back on. | ||
| Straight, straight, straight. | ||
| I mean, he was fucked up. | ||
| And I knew that that guy was gonna crash, and I called the cops. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| Never saw it. | ||
| I did watch a guy. | ||
| I was going 70 miles an hour, and this guy fucking flew by me on the highway the other day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I was like, what the fuck? | |
| I mean, dude, it was a crowded highway, and dude had to be going $1.20 easy. | ||
| Easy $1.20. | ||
| And then right behind him, the fucking cops were... | ||
| Racing him the entire time this asshole like thought he was like being Joe slick and driving fast with a Car behind him and that car was a cop car So they hit the lights and they're right behind him. | ||
| Oh my god He was driving so fast because I was watching this I was like this is not like an empty road on the way to Vegas There's no one in front of you and you're fucking listening to radar love. | ||
| This is this is the 101 in Hollywood You know at 730 at night very crowded road and this guy was fall lying It's so... | ||
| The science is in on that shit. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, those things, they end bad a lot. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| Car chases. | ||
| Car chases are fucking terrifying for cops, too. | ||
| Imagine if you're a cop and you plow onto someone and kill them while you're trying to get some bad guy. | ||
| But that happens. | ||
| Of course it happens. | ||
| You're fucking going 150 miles an hour, whatever the hell you're going, going around corners. | ||
| And how good exactly is their driving? | ||
| Did you ever see those videos of... | ||
| Cops getting hit by cars while they're like checking IDs and stuff. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's awful. | ||
| I mean where they stand for that is ridiculous almost. | ||
| Most of them don't do that anymore. | ||
| They stand on the other side. | ||
| They go on the other side. | ||
| But there's a danger issue. | ||
| You know, like when you're approaching cars, you got to see someone's hands. | ||
| You got to make sure that they don't have any weapons on them. | ||
| Every cop has to approach every car like this is the guy that might keep you from seeing your family again. | ||
| That's just a crazy job, man. | ||
| It's a crazy way to make a living. | ||
| It is a shame because those videos, that's why I said I've actually never had cops be very helpful to me or nice to me ever. | ||
| Ever? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's very weird. | ||
| Well, look at you. | ||
| You look like a fucking monster. | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| Like a guy who's got a fucking torture basement. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bring out the gimp. | |
| What's under that carpet, Big J? Nothing, it's just carpet. | ||
| 14 Filipino boys were pulled from a trunk in this man's basement. | ||
| Do you look like the dude from Pulp Fiction, the gimp? | ||
| Bring out the gimp, guys? | ||
| Bring out the gimp? | ||
| Yeah, you're one of the guys, right? | ||
| A grown man with long hair is like, hmm, you don't follow the rules, do you? | ||
| What else do you not follow the rules on, sir? | ||
| It's usually in a bun, which is I do play by the rules. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A bun? | |
| Put it in a bun. | ||
| Well, that's the new rule. | ||
| You get a man thing, the top, like a pony? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I get on top of the girl pyramid. | ||
| Have you heard the newest trend for women is actually putting it in old lady hair bun and actually dyeing your hair gray. | ||
| People are dyeing their hair gray. | ||
| I met a girl dyeing their hair gray. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not surprised. | |
| That's so stupid. | ||
| Nose rings. | ||
| Looked weird. | ||
| And that's high pants, there's mom jean shorts. | ||
| Hair dye. | ||
| Yeah, you know, there's always gonna be something. | ||
| People are always exhausted with the options that are available, and they're just like, look, I just need something new. | ||
| I'm going gray! | ||
| Fuck it! | ||
| I'm going, I'm gonna fucking tattoo my face. | ||
| How about those guys on a, was that lock-up brawl or something, where they tattooed their eyes? | ||
| Oh, yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| They tattooed the whites of their eyes. | ||
| Women are choosing to dye their hair gray for the granny hair. | ||
| Well, if you're fucking hot as shit, like those girls, yeah, you can do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now it's silver. | |
| It's not even gray. | ||
| Who's gonna get mad? | ||
| Look how hot those girls are. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| They're so hot. | ||
| Who gives a fuck if they have gray hair? | ||
| You just shave your head. | ||
| You know, like I always say, like when someone say, do you think a girl's attractive? | ||
| There's a lot of girls that are undeniably attractive, but do they pass the shaved head no shirt test? | ||
| And if a girl passes the shaved head no shirt test, that's a ridiculously hot girl, right? | ||
| All these girls in this montage pass the shaved head no shirt test. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like this. | |
| I can't say I'm surprised. | ||
| Can't say I'm surprised that granny hair is in. | ||
| If they're hot, they're hot. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| They have black eyelashes. | ||
| That's almost my point. | ||
| It's not even granny hair if they're that hot. | ||
| It doesn't take on that look. | ||
| Those girls, it's like they want to slow it down a little. | ||
| They're too hot. | ||
| You know, right? | ||
| Trying to put some roadblocks in the way? | ||
| Yeah, like, it's just too many dudes are hitting on me. | ||
| I'm going to take it down a notch. | ||
| I'm going to rip a tooth out. | ||
| I'm tired of sucking all this dick. | ||
| Yeah, it's just enough already. | ||
| I've got too many dicks coming my way. | ||
| Joe, did you see that episode of Workaholics that they talk about? | ||
| That was so fucking good. | ||
| I've never watched that show before. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't watch it. | ||
| I saw some of the clips online, but I didn't watch it. | ||
| How much of the show was dedicated to making fun of... | ||
| What happens is they eat peyote, and throughout the thing they're quoting you. | ||
| And then there's some silly quotes where they're like, no, Joe Rogan says we gotta trip on acid and do jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I laughed my ass off. | ||
| It's called Peyote-It Forward. | ||
| It's season 5, episode 12. I've watched it four times. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| It's a funny show, man. | ||
| I just haven't had a chance to watch it. | ||
| I barely can keep up with Game of Thrones. | ||
| I don't have time to do anything, man. | ||
| I'm just too fucking busy these days. | ||
| We Seth Rogen all the time. | ||
| We need to Joe Rogen it once in a while. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's an honor. | ||
| That's an honor. | ||
| That's really cool. | ||
| When I saw it online, I was like, wow, this is crazy. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I can go either way when you're referenced in a show. | ||
| I was talking to Artie Lang two weeks ago or something, and he told me that... | ||
| How he thought it was an honor, but he got referenced on Cleveland show one time, but the reference was, I guess the mom was buying food one day at a time. | ||
| He's like, nobody buys food one day at a time, except for Artie Lang. | ||
| I'm like, ah, it's kind of a weird way to have to... | ||
| It's a punchline. | ||
| Kind of calling you shitty, yeah. | ||
| Well, it's kind of saying you eat a lot, you fuck. | ||
| Yeah, um... | ||
| Fuck, what was I going to say? | ||
| Yeah, that show's a good show, man. | ||
| It's a funny fucking show. | ||
| It's really well written. | ||
| It was. | ||
| It was surprising because I never had watched it before. | ||
| Now, that in Broad City. | ||
| Have you ever watched that? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's too many good things, man. | ||
| I haven't seen Amy Schumer's show either. | ||
| I keep hearing really good things about Amy Schumer's show. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| I've watched it. | ||
| The cool thing about Broad City, it's kind of like Sex and the City, but our generation. | ||
| And they just smoke weed and do gross shit. | ||
| How is that like Sex and the City at all? | ||
| It's... | ||
| Sex and the City is a girl show. | ||
| It's about two girls. | ||
| Sex and the Pig. | ||
| City for pigs. | ||
| Hannibal Barris. | ||
| He plays a guy in it that's a dentist. | ||
| I highly recommend it. | ||
| Damn, there's so many good shows now, man. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Silicon Valley's fucking great. | ||
| I've missed a bunch of shows, and you can't go back. | ||
| There's too many now. | ||
| Because there's new ones coming out. | ||
| Yeah, if you're behind, if you, like, never watched all the Breaking Bad's, you can't just start with Better Call Saul. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't watch Breaking Bad. | ||
| So, yeah, that's it. | ||
| I just don't know. | ||
| I watched the first season, and it was really good. | ||
| But I just got busy. | ||
| It's just a matter, just totally a matter of being busy. | ||
| I made it through Dexter, and that got really disappointing at the end. | ||
| I gave up on Dexter. | ||
| I finished it, and it's disappointing. | ||
| Super disappointing. | ||
| I've talked about this a hundred times. | ||
| When John Lithgow killed that chick in the bathtub and gave her a shitty rear-naked choke, he put her in a lame rear-naked choke. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, you are not choking anybody with that. | ||
| Fuck this show. | ||
| I literally... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you check them for the legitimacy of mixed martial arts moves? | |
| It's like if you were doing a documentary on Jimi Hendrix and you're playing a fake guitar and you didn't really know what you were doing and I could tell you didn't know what you were doing, I'd go, fuck this documentary. | ||
| That's how I feel about John Lithgow and his shitty rear naked choke. | ||
| Plus, when you're choking somebody, they fight back. | ||
| They're trying to stay alive. | ||
| They're freaking the fuck out. | ||
| They don't just stay in place so you can do it. | ||
| They fight. | ||
| They kick their legs. | ||
| They fucking thrash You know, I don't want to typecast the man, but the fuck out of here. | ||
| You didn't like him in that at all, that show? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I really did like him in that. | ||
| He was my favorite season. | ||
| Couldn't get past the shitty jujitsu technique. | ||
| I can't believe that. | ||
| I wish they would redo it, like Star Wars, you know, who shot first or something, just to fix that scene for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Nope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I mean, was he good other than that? | ||
| The show was already going downhill. | ||
| No, the show got shitty right from there, pretty much. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| It was so good at one point in time, but something happened and it just got really off the rails. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Every year they kept exposing, like, an end-of-series secret, and then when they get another season, they'd have to incorporate that into the store. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| So it was like, His sister was never supposed to find out he did that. | ||
| And then it was like multiple seasons of her knowing he was a skill. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They got over it very quick. | ||
| She's a cop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| When they killed his... | ||
| I mean, spoiler alert. | ||
| When they killed his wife... | ||
| When he killed his wife, that's when I think a lot of people... | ||
| He killed his wife? | ||
| When John Lithgow killed his wife. | ||
| Killed his wife? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Oops. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| Oh, yeah, the ending of that... | ||
| There's a shitty rear naked chug. | ||
| Look, piss poor jujitsu technique, sir. | ||
| You're not even flexing. | ||
| He's not even flexing. | ||
| I just wish I had a bathtub that I could do that in. | ||
| That would be way easier. | ||
| It'd be way easier to get a bathtub to do that in than to do that. | ||
| If you do that, you have to kill somebody, okay? | ||
| Do you have a good bathtub? | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure you do. | ||
| Yeah, get a bathtub, son. | ||
| This is America. | ||
| Step up your bathtub game. | ||
| No one's ever said that. | ||
| Yes, they have. | ||
| Notorious freestyle from the movie. | ||
| Now, who played Biggie? | ||
| And how long did this come out? | ||
| It was good. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| It says 11. 2011? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a four-year-old movie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's been out for a long time. | ||
| Are we gonna hear his freestyle? | ||
| Oh, I'm gonna hear this. | ||
| The battle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Whoa, they're angry with each other. | ||
| This is not even really happening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is how it starts. | |
| Someone gets their neck broken and there's fires in the streets. | ||
| I have the video this has been creating after this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, man. | |
| I know who the king of fooling is. | ||
| Hey, DJ, tell me something nice, man. | ||
| Hey, DJ on the streets, just hand me a microphone in the middle of the street. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Now let me tell you a little story about the put-put cream. | ||
| This is not Biggie for the listeners. | ||
| This is Biggie's friend who is talking shit to him. | ||
| It's a rap battle. | ||
| That's supposed to be Lil' Kim. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's pretty. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And now Biggie takes the mic. | ||
| Let's hear what he has to say. | ||
| I assume it will be better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Best style Brooklyn where this rapper was originated. | |
| Your rhymes ain't shit. | ||
| Your flow's constipated. | ||
| Many are waiting. | ||
| The heavyset brother from Fulton Street. | ||
| Drop a rhyme to a funky beat. | ||
| Niggas want to know how I live the Mac life. | ||
| Making money smoking mics like crab pipes. | ||
| Making loose. | ||
| Knocking boots on the regular. | ||
| Pass the microphone. | ||
| I'm the perfect competitor. | ||
| Choosing all that. | ||
| The clothes is all that. | ||
| Come stepping to me. | ||
| That's where you take your fall at. | ||
| Beyond you. | ||
| Just like my murder. | ||
| It's unheard of. | ||
| I stay close to mine like Tina on Turner. | ||
| More of the mother. | ||
| I'm above ya. | ||
| And I love ya. | ||
| Cause you a sweet bitch. | ||
| Even the guy who's pretending to be Biggie is awesome. | ||
| Yeah, it's just more comfortable to listen to. | ||
| It's relaxing. | ||
| Well, if you listen to, like, Biggie's real shit, like, have you ever seen the video of him freestyling when he was 16 years old? | ||
| That's what you gotta see. | ||
| So go to this. | ||
| Kill that. | ||
| Go to Biggie when he was 16 years old. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| Okay, play this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's just, I'm going to talk a I'm going to talk a little bit. | |
| Let's just, I'm going to talk a little I'm going to talk a little bit. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| That's 17. | ||
| How good was he? | ||
| There's something about freestyle, though, that it's not... | ||
| It's like roast jokes. | ||
| Yeah, but how about the fact, first of all, it's not freestyle. | ||
| Those were written rhymes. | ||
| Those were written rhymes. | ||
| He wrote all that stuff. | ||
| I think all freestyles are. | ||
| A lot of them are. | ||
| But it's like being able to flow on the point and then have the right things to say. | ||
| But you've just got to appreciate what he just did. | ||
| A microphone, an old-school microphone like Chris Rock in one of those posters. | ||
| Lenny Bruce, those old-school microphones. | ||
| He's got one of those. | ||
| He's standing on a fucking corner in front of a grocery store on the street. | ||
| And there's people all around him. | ||
| And there's an actual rap battle going on on the corner. | ||
| I mean, that's like one of the greatest videos. | ||
| Inside there's a Korean guy just loading buck shots. | ||
| Look at this, in Bed-Stuy. | ||
| That's one of the greatest videos in the history of pop culture. | ||
| You want to talk about a talented motherfucker in his environment, the environment where he developed and grew, and you see how good he is? | ||
| And in his hand, he's got notes, dude. | ||
| In his left hand, he's got his fucking lyrics, man. | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I mean, whatever he's holding in his hand, I would assume that that's probably his notes. | ||
| Yeah, I never even noticed that in a second before. | ||
| Is it cash? | ||
| It could be cash, but it's weird-shaped money. | ||
| It's like Bolivian money or some shit. | ||
| The end. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it doesn't look like cash, right? | ||
| It looks like notes. | ||
| It looks like he's got a notepad. | ||
| Or maybe it might be a towel. | ||
| Towel, yeah. | ||
| That's the one thing. | ||
| He always was sweaty. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker, dude. | ||
| I mean, it's just amazing to see how good his flow was at 17. He's my all-time. | ||
| My all-time favorite rapper? | ||
| That's right there. | ||
| Him and Nas. | ||
| Nas is like my all-time best lyricist. | ||
| I think Nas was like the most complex and the most like, like I would listen to Nas lyrics and I'd go, God damn, this dude's brilliant. | ||
| Just brilliant lyrics. | ||
| But you know a band that doesn't get enough, a group rather, doesn't get enough credit? | ||
| Gangstar. | ||
| Oh yeah, Guru. | ||
| Fuck, they were great. | ||
| Dude, fuck, they were amazing. | ||
| Gangstar, they had some fucking great jams. | ||
| Step in the arena? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I like Gangstar a lot. | ||
| You know what's the worst ever? | ||
| Nice and Smooth. | ||
| No, what's Nice and Smooth? | ||
| You don't remember Nice and Smooth, Hip Hop Junkies, where they used the Partridge Family song? | ||
| Oh, you've heard that. | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I blocked it out. | ||
| Like Ari's butthole, I blocked it out. | ||
| If you like Gangstar, they had this song... | ||
| Okay, I might not actually know about this. | ||
| They did the song Dwick. | ||
| Or... | ||
| Yeah, you know... | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| Go to it. | ||
| Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. | ||
| You don't remember that song? | ||
| Oh, I do remember that. | ||
| See, but that's kind of like... | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| These guys are so not in the mix that they actually grew old. | ||
| No one killed them or nothing. | ||
| Look at them. | ||
| Look at how old they are. | ||
| They're doing fantastic. | ||
| Good 401ks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What does that say? | ||
| 91? | ||
| No diabetes. | ||
| 91, man, I was out of the loop. | ||
| That was like when I was struggling hardcore as a comedian dog. | ||
| That was three years into my comedy career. | ||
| I was doing nothing but doing stand-up. | ||
| I didn't go to any clubs where I would ever hear this. | ||
| If you want to chuckle, play the first verse of Hip-Hop Junkies. | ||
| He's talking about lyrics. | ||
| Everything is non-sequit. | ||
| It's not like a cool thing. | ||
| He just says words that rhyme. | ||
| Nothing makes any sense. | ||
| 91 is when I lost my virginity. | ||
| Kill the audio for the YouTube video so it doesn't get as pulled off. | ||
| Oh, these fucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The podcast audio should be able to hear this. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Do you think Nice and Smooth does... | ||
| They do DRM? For us, let's hear this. | ||
| Can you guys hear it? | ||
| No, we don't hear anything. | ||
| We don't hear anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So let's give it up for... | |
| Oh, is this in Living Color? | ||
| Is that what this is? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| In Living Color. | ||
| I remember this. | ||
| Do you remember this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| See, I went for a period of a few years where I'd watch very little TV. I didn't watch much pop culture stuff. | ||
| I don't know this at all. | ||
| Orca was a great big whale. | ||
| I knew a fat girl who broke the scale. | ||
| Man, check out the Fly Girls. | ||
| Hey, they were sagging. | ||
| They were sagging even way back then. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So this is 91? | ||
| Sean Wayans was 20 years from doing an open mic. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| He's a nice fellow. | ||
| SW1. Okay, you can stop this before we all die of fucking shitty music overload. | ||
| Black eyes and orange hats. | ||
| Remember those days? | ||
| No, compare that to Biggie when he was 17. Play some more of that. | ||
| Play this. | ||
| I bet if black people kept dressing like Heavy D or like A Different World, there wouldn't be people getting killed in the streets like that. | ||
| Dude, he looks like he was just playing golf. | ||
| He really dressed like a little kid, black kid school picture. | ||
| Alright, alright. | ||
| No comparison. | ||
| I do not like that other stuff. | ||
| No, it's horrible. | ||
| Is that the worst ever? | ||
| I think it's probably one of the worst rappers ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I try to concentrate on the best. | ||
| I try to see the best in things, Jay Oakerson. | ||
| The exception of, like, maybe, like, didn't, like, Dee Dee Ramone make a rap album or something like that? | ||
| Who's Dee Dee Ramone? | ||
| From the Ramones. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Joey Ramone, Dee Dee Ramone? | ||
| Yeah, Dee Ramone, when he was on heroin, made a rap video, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because he was on heroin. | ||
| He needed heroin money. | ||
| Didn't Chris Cornell from Soundgarden make some really bad pop album? | ||
| Like, really poppy, Britney Spears-y type music? | ||
| Didn't he? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| What are you playing? | ||
| Didi King's rap album? | ||
| No way. | ||
| This is Didi Ramon? | ||
| Didi King's what he called himself? | ||
| Gotta see him. | ||
| Oh, stop. | ||
| Stop this. | ||
| Stop this right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop this. | |
| Oh yeah, it's him. | ||
| It's Steve Ramirez. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Do you think he's being silly? | ||
| I mean, he got up and his place is a mess and his pizza on the floor. | ||
| He's living that rock and roll lifestyle. | ||
| Oh god, this is awful. | ||
| Okay, stop it. | ||
| Stop it! | ||
| What was the other one that we just said? | ||
| Oh, the Chris Cornell stuff. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| It was like widely decided that that wasn't good. | ||
| But he was so fucking good in Soundgarden. | ||
| It's hard to imagine he was bad in anything. | ||
| Listen to Blow Up the Outside World and go, look, that guy gets a pass forever. | ||
| If he can do that, you can try all your fucking goofy Garth Brooks, Chris Gaines type projects. | ||
| Sometimes that works. | ||
| Sugar Ray was like a speed metal band. | ||
| Sugar Ray? | ||
| Yeah, they have a song called Mean Machine. | ||
| It was their one sort of radio hit. | ||
| And then they were like, you're good looking, man. | ||
| Cut that hair and frost your tips and go sing songs. | ||
| Is that Sugar Ray Mark McGrath? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How did that guy wind up an entertainment news reporter? | ||
| Nice to look at. | ||
| He's beautiful to look at, but he was a really good musician. | ||
| But I think he probably wanted it. | ||
| I bet he doesn't believe in... | ||
| Your heart's probably in the music you don't succeed with if that happens to you. | ||
| So that style of music, I just want to fly. | ||
| I don't think that's what he wanted to do. | ||
| If you hear his original... | ||
| They have videos of like... | ||
| The original way the band was, and they changed completely. | ||
| I heard Incubus did that too, though. | ||
| I didn't know Incubus very much before the radio hits, but my buddy tells me all the time that they were a pretty big into psychedelics. | ||
| Psychedelic metal band, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Incubus? | |
| Yeah, before they did Wish You Were Here and all that stuff. | ||
| Family Values Tour with Korn and Deftones. | ||
| They were on OzFest before. | ||
| What made them change? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Money. | |
| You know, record executives come in and they go, you're really handsome. | ||
| Because he was like a dirtbag, too, looking guy. | ||
| But he's a pretty boy. | ||
| Everyone knows him as a pretty boy in Incubus. | ||
| Wow, that's weird. | ||
| Wow, that's great. | ||
| That's the untold stories of the music business, the manipulation. | ||
| Just like we were talking about movies. | ||
| You know, it's got to be a lot of that in the music business as well. | ||
| They just decide what's going to make it work. | ||
| The beauty of rap is when they get angry at each other, they start explaining who had the better childhood. | ||
| They start shitting, you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| I can listen to this motherfucker who went to private school. | ||
| Like, that's like, oh, they're always like, man, each other over that. | ||
| Full-on education. | ||
| Yeah, and they're like, shit. | ||
| Do you remember that was the big thing with that? | ||
| I mean, eventually got super exposed, but Dr. Dre, like, right before NWA was wearing, like, you know, a glittery... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I forget what they were called. | ||
| I just watched that Welcome to Death Row documentary the other day. | ||
| That is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't remember the NWA. Man, Suge Knight is just... | |
| That's a scary dude, man. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Sugar Ray Mean Machine? | ||
| Yeah, what their original thing was, yeah. | ||
| Let me hear this. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| That's gross. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, it looks weird, too. | ||
| It's not just... | ||
| It just looks... | ||
| It looks... | ||
| Early, mid-90s. | ||
| These guys, someone needs to take them out for a hard night somewhere. | ||
| Outside of like Orange County Take them out of Laguna Beach and Bring them to like a really they need scars and tattoos and some life experience You can't pose different guys in front of that old Cadillac. | ||
| Just stop that. | ||
| That does not make you slick That's not your car, is it? | ||
| IS IT? It's not your fucking car. | ||
| For some reason I believe like Maroon 5 was always Maroon 5 though They've actually evolved with the times to go towards more popular music. | ||
| That does look like the Comedy Store Jamie Oh my god, it is the Comedy Store, isn't it? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's the stage. | ||
| That might be. | ||
| That's the main room stage, dude. | ||
| That's too small. | ||
| No, just with the camera. | ||
| It's the angle of the camera, man. | ||
| Holy shit, it is. | ||
| I mean, there's also a whole drum kit in the ring. | ||
| It's very possible. | ||
| We'll find out. | ||
| Oh no, it is. | ||
| That totally is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| It's got the side stairs on each side. | ||
| I mean, if it's not, it's a very similar design. | ||
| No, it's the same dick lights on the side. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| I just was fooled with the camera. | ||
| Wow, that's fucking crazy. | ||
| That Comedy Store main room stage has seen a lot of shit. | ||
| That's where Richard Pryor filmed Live at the Sunset Strip, right? | ||
| I thought so. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Pull that Richard Pryor Live at the Sunset Strip. | ||
| I think, I'm almost positive it was filmed at the Comedy Store. | ||
| One of them was filmed at the Comedy Store, right? | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Well, the Kinnison one, the HBO special, was filmed at the Roxy. | ||
| You know, for whatever reason. | ||
| He was probably banned from the Comedy Store when it went down. | ||
| Because he was always like... | ||
| They fucking repaired the bullet hole in the back sign. | ||
| I was like, why did you do that? | ||
| Like, why would you do that? | ||
| Why would you fix that? | ||
| From Kinison. | ||
| Kinison shot a gun in the parking lot to scare Dice. | ||
| He shot the fucking sign, and there was always a bullet hole in it. | ||
| I was like, why would you fix that? | ||
| Like, we didn't, you know, thought it was a good idea to fix it. | ||
| No! | ||
| Goddammit, how could you fix that? | ||
| Like, well, there's still the hole in the back of it. | ||
| I'm like, not good enough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Not good enough. | ||
| You need to leave the whole hole. | ||
| The whole thing. | ||
| Where was it? | ||
| Hollywood Palladium. | ||
| Oh, was it the Palladium? | ||
| The rest of it was recorded in San Carlos, California. | ||
| What? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Live on the Sunset Strip? | ||
| Was all done in a different place? | ||
| Except for one part of it. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| So it wasn't on the Sunset Strip. | ||
| And a year later. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| How is that possible? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How is that possible? | |
| I can get lost on looking at track listing names of comedy albums. | ||
| These aren't so bad, but sometimes they are just hilarious. | ||
| Pull up a video. | ||
| Pull up a video of it. | ||
| You know one of the funniest track listings? | ||
| Nate Bargatze? | ||
| He's a very funny comic. | ||
| He has a special, actually. | ||
| It was on Comedy Central air this last week. | ||
| But his album, the tracks are just called. | ||
| It was like, alright, good start. | ||
| And the track 2 is like, getting them. | ||
| And the 2 is like, starting to lose them. | ||
| It's how the crowd was reacting, which is fucking pretty hilarious. | ||
| That's a funny thing. | ||
| He's like, losing them now. | ||
| He's up, got them back. | ||
| The track 7 is like, got them back. | ||
| Did you find them? | ||
| It is really weird how the East Coast comics and the West Coast comics rarely know each other. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| He probably wore the same suit everywhere and did it at a bunch of different locations, but decided not to use the ones on the Sunset Strip for most of the recording. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And you can't really tell because he's in a dark stage. | ||
| He made it just like a regular show. | ||
| That's one thing that was really smart. | ||
| He didn't make the audience all lit up like they do in these new Comedy Central specials. | ||
| Those motherfuckers are obsessed with lighting the room up. | ||
| They want to light everybody up. | ||
| Like, hey, fuckhead, that's not how it looks at a comedy show. | ||
| And when you do that, the audience gets weird. | ||
| Yeah, you can kind of tell that's not the store. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know why I did think it was. | ||
| I haven't seen this in a while. | ||
| This is probably one of the all-time greatest comedy documentaries. | ||
| I mean, not probably. | ||
| One of the all-time greatest comedy specials ever. | ||
| Just a documentary as well kind of because you're sort of you're looking back into this time into 1982 When Richard Pryor was on fire, I mean just literally and physically right this is after a freebase Yeah, well, you know, he did really um get burnt in a freebase Accident said he did lit himself on fire The reality is he threw some liquor on him and lit himself on fire. | ||
| That's what actually happened. | ||
| In like a Steve-O way, or like, I'm going to end it all right now? | ||
| End it all right now. | ||
| Just down in the deepest, deepest, darkest hole after freebasing. | ||
| That's why he admitted it later, later in life, you know, that he had tried to kill himself. | ||
| That he had lit himself on fire. | ||
| And then look, just after that, here he is on stage, killing. | ||
| And everybody loved him. | ||
| Talk about balance. | ||
| I mean, that's like... | ||
| To be normal and have those cohesive thoughts and put those things together like that. | ||
| At one point, a year or so before this, you're just down in that rabbit hole. | ||
| Back up a little bit, Jamie. | ||
| Back up to that side view of him again. | ||
| I want to point something out here. | ||
| Watch the way he moves. | ||
| Pay attention to his hands as he's talking, because we can't hear what he's saying. | ||
| Look at the rhythm. | ||
| He's putting on a show with his hands. | ||
| While he's performing, his hands are moving in this delicate, controlled way that it's kind of cool to watch. | ||
| And it accentuates the material itself. | ||
| It accentuates the joke. | ||
| He's moving his hands through the air. | ||
| It's weird to watch. | ||
| It's like he's doing a little dance while he's also telling the joke. | ||
| His hands going up above his head to emphasize things. | ||
| That's cocaine. | ||
| His hands moving around. | ||
| No, no, no, it's not. | ||
| It's performers' hands. | ||
| He's just a really great stand-up. | ||
| And he's moving. | ||
| This is not a guy just standing in front of a microphone talking. | ||
| There's a way that he's moving that was also funny. | ||
| It was like, it's cool to watch. | ||
| Like, there's a rhythm to the way he would, like, go in and out, like, he's relaxing you by walking. | ||
| He's in between bits, you know? | ||
| And now he's starting on another one, and the hands start moving again. | ||
| It's like he's doing a puppet show or something. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, look at the way he moves. | ||
| Like, we're not hearing him, so we can only see him. | ||
| But we can hear the rhythm and the type of material he was doing just by the way he's moving his hands! | ||
| That was part of what his act was. | ||
| It was his actual physical movements were funny. | ||
| They were vulnerable, they were gentle, they were rhythmic, and they were hypnotic. | ||
| There was a hypnotic aspect to the way he actually moved. | ||
| But doesn't... | ||
| I guess not all of them, but... | ||
| A lot of good comics have that element, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Because you have to stay captivating. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| We all do. | ||
| And then there's the people who get called... | ||
| I mean, that was like the dig on... | ||
| I came in comedy at a time where, like, I didn't know Dane Cook enough to be like, ugh, that asshole's making it. | ||
| But there was a lot of around me people that, you know, it's like, oh, he's just herking and jerking around on stage, and that's all it is, and kind of a bunch of nonsense. | ||
| But I was like, I don't know, I think there's something to it. | ||
| I mean, there was definitely an element of what he did with that that... | ||
| That brought something to what he did. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'd be lying if I said Dane Cook didn't make me laugh at him. | ||
| I've laughed at a bunch of stuff. | ||
| Well, a bunch of people enjoyed his movements, you know, but there's a thing about that style of comedy and like, okay, here's another, here's a better example, like Emo Phillips. | ||
| Emo Phillips, that shit works when you're 25. That shit works when you're 35. But when you're 45, people start going, hey man, why are you talking like that? | ||
| You know, like, why are you doing that? | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| That I'm pretending that I'm sorry. | ||
| Especially when you pull the curtain on that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And you do interviews and shit. | ||
| Like Bobcat. | ||
| Bobcat had a band in his early persona. | ||
| He's pretty open about that. | ||
| He talks about it. | ||
| But his... | ||
| You know, you know, yeah, he would he would have this crazy like wild fucking pulling his hair and screaming and eventually say some really funny shit. | ||
| Yeah, and you could watch that one, I don't remember what it was called, but I remember renting it at a video store when I was younger. | ||
| He's wearing like a sleeveless cowboy shirt almost on the cover of it and he's like super sweaty and he's drinking tab coals, but he actually stops Doing, he never announces it, just somewhere in the middle of the set, it just, that fades away, that character he's doing. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Well, he probably got annoyed with it after a while. | ||
| But in the middle of that actual set is when, I mean, he still had the long hair and everything. | ||
| It was like, uh, he was, yeah, it just stops doing it in the middle, which I thought was, uh... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| It was odd, but yeah, when you commit to that character full-time, and you have to worry about that. | ||
| Emo Phillips is a good example. | ||
| I wonder about Mitch Fattel. | ||
| I like Mitch very much. | ||
| You know Mitch Fattel, right? | ||
| I mean, I've worked with him recently. | ||
| When you're starting to show age on your face, it's hard to be like the man-child. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You're still a tiny guy, so it works and everything, but it's not even... | ||
| It's just like, how long will it? | ||
| Right. | ||
| There may be a very definitive brick ceiling on that. | ||
| Yeah, like a bomb shelter type ceiling. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Emo Phillips was the big one. | ||
| That was a big one. | ||
| Because I remember watching him all of a sudden just do regular stand-up, and I was like... | ||
| But I watched like a transitionary time where he wasn't just doing regular stand-up. | ||
| He was kind of like doing a softer version of his old self the way he used to do comedy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Someone on At Midnight doing it, which was weird. | ||
| He was doing it on that show? | ||
| He was talking like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Very, very weird. | ||
| I mean, you can't fault it if it works. | ||
| Hi, Chris Hardwick. | ||
| How do you properly dispose of bacon grease? | ||
| You gotta throw in the garbage. | ||
| In the garbage or like in the dirt? | ||
| Yeah, you can throw in the garbage. | ||
| Not in the pipes. | ||
| Yeah, don't throw in the pipes. | ||
| It's like, I mean, it's like flesh. | ||
| You know, it's like if you want to kind of get rid of fat. | ||
| How would you get rid of fat? | ||
| Outdoors is okay? | ||
| Throw it outside? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like on a tree? | ||
| Why would you put it on a tree? | ||
| You mean under a tree? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it's like fertilizer? | ||
| Just drive my dog nuts. | ||
| Turn that shit in the soap like Fight Club, dude. | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| Didn't they use human bodies for Fight Club or something like that? | ||
| Yeah, it was a human fat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Human fat from a liposuction clinic or something like that? | ||
| Aren't they doing a Fight Club, too? | ||
| That comic book. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Oh, he just wrote the book. | ||
| Oh, is it done? | ||
| I think it just came out or it's about to come out. | ||
| My friend did the artwork for it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No shit. | ||
| So, are they going to make another movie? | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| It's the best movie ever. | ||
| It was not the best movie ever. | ||
| You hope there's a part two? | ||
| That was so not the best movie ever. | ||
| I love Fight Club. | ||
| Have you re-watched that? | ||
| Of course I re-watched it. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| I like the movie Heat a lot, but I don't want to heat to. | ||
| It's fun up until the moment where you find out that he's the same guy and you're like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You watch Memento? | ||
| Yeah, Memento was good. | ||
| You hated that. | ||
| You hated the switcheroo. | ||
| Yes, it was so stupid. | ||
| Like, oh, you're the same guy as this guy that you've been following around and he's been teaching you to fight. | ||
| That's you. | ||
| You just forgot and now you remember. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| And now you're going to blow up a building or something stupid? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I wish that would happen to me. | ||
| When I watch it, I've been convinced to enjoy it much more. | ||
| But when I saw it in the theater the first time, and that was like one of the first movies in a theater I saw that was like... | ||
| A little odd and different. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I usually just kind of went and saw, like, whatever the blockbusters were. | ||
| I was pretty middle of the road on my movie taste at that age. | ||
| But, like, when I went to go see that, I was like, it was so bizarre at the ending. | ||
| I was like, I just kind of lost. | ||
| I didn't even get it. | ||
| I mean, I got it. | ||
| It was the same person, but I was like, this just looked like a weird shit at the end of the movie. | ||
| It also, for me, falls into that same sort of category as the fake Jimi Hendrix guitar thing. | ||
| I'm watching people beat the shit out of each other. | ||
| I'm like, look, nobody wants the fuck beaten out of them. | ||
| You're certainly not going to get a whole basement of dudes willing to beat the fuck out of each other. | ||
| It's just not going to happen. | ||
| And then, like, you know, we'll die for you. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| You get hit once. | ||
| You get really bare-knuckled once in the face. | ||
| Very unlikely you're going to keep doing that. | ||
| Very unlikely. | ||
| Showing up at work with black guys all the time, like, really? | ||
| Why wouldn't you just learn how to fight at a martial arts school, you fucking idiot? | ||
| You're going to meet with some asshole in a parking lot? | ||
| You guys are going to beat each other's brains out? | ||
| You're going to get on top of it? | ||
| Yeah, you ain't pretty anymore. | ||
| Remember that with Jared Leto? | ||
| Yeah, Jared Leto. | ||
| You beat him bloody until his fucking face was swollen? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good movie. | ||
| What'd you feel about it? | ||
| I thought one of the dumbest scenes to me was... | ||
| When Edward Norton, oh, was that 25th Hour? | ||
| Did you ever see that at the end when he's like, I can't go and look in this pretty, so beat me up. | ||
| He goes, you're gonna be pretty again in like a couple weeks, man. | ||
| Like, you're gonna buy your butthole like four weeks? | ||
| Just go in pretty and fight that guy. | ||
| Like, fight the guy who's trying to fuck your butt. | ||
| How stupid is that? | ||
| I can't go in pretty. | ||
| He's that certain he's gonna get fucked in the ass right away. | ||
| I guarantee that's some more Hollywood fuckery. | ||
| That's some jackass who's never been punched saying, I think he should go and beat up. | ||
| He's going to get his buddy to beat him up. | ||
| This is the big turn. | ||
| Unmercifully, by the way. | ||
| It was like a crazy beating. | ||
| You lose your vision from those sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes you lose your sense of smell. | ||
| These guys lose their taste. | ||
| They can't taste things after they get punched in the head. | ||
| They literally don't know what things taste like. | ||
| Like this idea that someone's just gonna punch you and you just get all bruised up a little. | ||
| It's not a charley horse, okay? | ||
| He's punching your fucking brain. | ||
| Punching where you store your brain. | ||
| This is the container where your brain's in. | ||
| And it only has so many times it could even move like that. | ||
| Getting bounced off the curb. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| It's just ridiculous. | ||
| The trivialization of brain hemorrhaging and brain trauma and beatdowns like that. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I can't go along with that. | ||
| I know too much. | ||
| I've seen too many people get the fucking brains beaten out of them. | ||
| I've seen it too many times. | ||
| So I didn't like Fight Club. | ||
| But ex-Mocking. | ||
| You didn't like? | ||
| Didn't like it. | ||
| Did you like Warrior? | ||
| Yes, but it was bullshit. | ||
| You can't fight two days in a row. | ||
| You just can't. | ||
| You'd be so fucked up from the first fight. | ||
| You'd be better to fight back-to-back. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I would take meatloaf titties any day over that movie. | ||
| Well, I think Fight Club is a better movie than Warrior. | ||
| It's definitely a better, much better movie. | ||
| It's just that one reveal. | ||
| I could almost deal with the idea that these guys were filled with angst so much they wanted to beat each other up just so they could feel alive. | ||
| I could kind of get that for a little bit, but no one had any technique. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense to me. | ||
| The guys wouldn't actually learn how to fight. | ||
|
unidentified
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Look at that. | |
| Sweet little titties. | ||
| But, what was I going to say? | ||
| You bought into the fact that they were... | ||
| Just that the turnaround, the flip, the reveal that he was the same guy was just so dumb. | ||
| And it became a cult. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You can't pretend that he was just, oh, it was just a dream. | ||
| Like your whole movie's based on like a switcheroo. | ||
| Like the whole movie's a big switcheroo. | ||
| Did not see the latest episodes of Grey's Anatomy then, when Mr. McDreamy dies. | ||
| Don't have to worry about that. | ||
| Is there a switcheroo? | ||
| Is there a switcheroo? | ||
| Oh, there's a thousand horrible switcheroos in that. | ||
| You do not have to worry about me watching that. | ||
| That's what the ending of Dexter just did the shittiest thing of all time. | ||
| Don't do it to me. | ||
| So much. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| Well, that was one of the things that I really appreciated about that Ex Machina movie, is there's none of that. | ||
| Every scene in that movie, did you see it? | ||
| No, I'm seeing it tomorrow. | ||
| Jamie, you saw it. | ||
| It's fucking badass. | ||
| It's so smart. | ||
| It's so well done. | ||
| You buy every step of the way. | ||
| There's never one part in the movie where you're like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Is it a dark flick? | ||
| Pretty dark. | ||
|
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It's good, dude. | |
| It's good. | ||
| It's creepy. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| It puts you in a position where you're like, fuck, I don't know, man. | ||
| It's about AI. I can't tell you, bitch. | ||
| It's about AI. It's pretty fucking good, man. | ||
| One of the best movies I've seen in many years. | ||
| Have you seen this Elon Musk thing? | ||
| The Tesla Firewall? | ||
| This new, very affordable solar power battery that he's invented? | ||
| That's $3,500 that could charge a fucking whole house. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| A total game changer. | ||
| Have you seen this shit, Jamie? | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| There's a video, if you go on my Twitter feed, there's a video that I retweeted that somebody sent me a YouTube video of him explaining it. | ||
| It's a fucking complete total game-changer when it comes to batteries and wall-mounted units. | ||
| You could stack as many as nine of these wall-mounted units. | ||
| They're $3,500, which is like... | ||
| Solar power was like really prohibitively expensive for most people. | ||
| Like super, super expensive for those batteries. | ||
| The techs all fucked up. | ||
| They stink. | ||
| They overheat. | ||
| They're dangerous. | ||
| But apparently this fucking dude has nailed it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I'm obviously not a fucking expert on batteries, but people are very, very excited about this fucking thing. | ||
| That's it right there. | ||
| We'll take our air cars. | ||
| We'll take our air cars to go buy one. | ||
| Yeah, give us some volume. | ||
| We'll close out with this, because we've got to get the fuck out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's 20 minutes long. | |
| Well, give us just a little bit of volume here. | ||
| Jamie, play a little bit of it. | ||
| Look at the beautiful man. | ||
| Beautiful Iron Man type motherfucker. | ||
| This is a product we call the Tesla Powerwall. | ||
| And if you look back against that wall, you'll see a whole bunch of them as well in different colors. | ||
| How long before this guy makes an Iron Man suit? | ||
| You can pick your favorite color. | ||
| He's Iron Man. | ||
| And it looks like a beautiful sculpture on the wall. | ||
| I want to point out a few things that are very important about this. | ||
| The fact that it's wall mounted is vital because it means you don't need to have a battery room. | ||
| You don't have to have some room filled with nasty batteries. | ||
| It means that a normal household can mount this on their garage or on the outside wall of their house and it doesn't take up any room. | ||
| I mean, it's flat against the wall. | ||
| It has all of the integrated safety systems. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| You know, this guy's just like a fat wife and a moo moo. | ||
| To some other parts of life, it's just awful. | ||
| Like, this guy's like a guy in a movie. | ||
|
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|
It addresses all the needs. | |
| So watch that, folks, if you want to watch, because we're out of time here. | ||
| The future. | ||
| But this guy's like a guy in a movie. | ||
| He's like a super billionaire genius inventor from a movie. | ||
| I mean, he makes a car that everybody falls in love with. | ||
| It's got a goddamn laptop in the middle of it. | ||
| You've seen those? | ||
| Yeah, my friend. | ||
| I haven't driven one, but I heard it's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking incredible. | ||
| There's no feeling of shift at all. | ||
| It's just this acceleration. | ||
| There's a new one that comes out next year, though, that's gonna be a lot better, I heard. | ||
| Well, I don't think it's... | ||
| I don't know if it's next year. | ||
| His? | ||
| A new Tesla? | ||
| Yeah, a new Tesla. | ||
| Well, he had a new model that he debuted that's unbelievably fast. | ||
| It's zero to 60 in like three-something seconds. | ||
| It's all electric, right? | ||
| Insane. | ||
| All electric. | ||
| But they still can't go to Vegas. | ||
| You still can't go to Vegas. | ||
| Why? | ||
| You have to stop. | ||
| You have to stop halfway there and charge up in the middle of the fucking desert at some creep head fucking weirdo's stop where you plug in and you gotta wait for half an hour while they circle you like buzzards because they know you can't go anywhere. | ||
| Hey, man, you can't even drive with that right now. | ||
| If you're gonna drive with that right now, how far do you think you'd get? | ||
| How long does it last? | ||
| You might get 350 miles out of a tank. | ||
| You know, a charge, rather. | ||
| You might. | ||
| But if you're driving fast, you won't. | ||
| If you're driving fast, it's going to eat it up really quick. | ||
| It's like having a bunch of apps open. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going to eat it up. | ||
| So, like, when it starts lowering, it dims the inside lights. | ||
| It does all this shit to, like, Aubrey has one. | ||
| He almost died out on his way home one night. | ||
| Because he left it at his office. | ||
| And when you leave it somewhere, it slowly drains the battery. | ||
| Like, you can't leave it and just go away for three weeks and come back to a fully charged up battery. | ||
| It'll be hurting. | ||
| It's like having your iPhone and just leaving it on the kitchen table for a week. | ||
| Leaving it on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's also an iPhone. | ||
| Like a cell phone. | ||
| It's got a 3G connection. | ||
| Only 3G, which is whack. | ||
| But it's constantly connected to the internet. | ||
| So you could say, Google Flock of Seagulls. | ||
| And it'll pull up Flock of Seagulls. | ||
| And it'll start play Flock of Seagulls. | ||
| And it'll give you some options. | ||
| And you can just start... | ||
| It'll start streaming. | ||
| Like out of nowhere. | ||
| That's what I would have picked. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's why I said it. | ||
| I knew it was your shit, man. | ||
| What is your shit? | ||
| If you're going to talk to your Tesla, what would you tell it? | ||
| Or you wear your Punisher shirt? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| It depends. | ||
| Depends on the mood, quite honestly. | ||
| It could be metal. | ||
| It could be a... | ||
| You know, Little River Band, a bunch of goofy, like, you know, soft rock hits, or 80s music, or rap, or whatever, yeah. | ||
| If you want to see a really bad movie, see the Dolph Lundgren version of The Punisher. | ||
| Horrible movie. | ||
| I went to the theater for that, I think. | ||
| Did you ever see the short they did with Thomas Jane? | ||
| Is it Thomas Jane who played him? | ||
| Well, here's, it's even better. | ||
| It's so bad, and it's low resolution back then, right? | ||
| And so they, he couldn't grow a beard. | ||
| And the Punisher had to have a beard. | ||
| So they smudge makeup on his face to pretend it's a beard. | ||
| See if you can pull it up and we'll end with this, because we'll get a nice, hearty man laugh. | ||
| All three of us can grow an actual beard. | ||
| Look at this pussy. | ||
| This Dolph Lundgren. | ||
| Meanwhile, he's a stud. | ||
| Karate champion. | ||
|
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|
Bruce Jenner understands. | |
| Bruce Jenner's the only person to understand. | ||
| Yeah, Bruce Jenner, he has it all lasered off. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Can I see my podcast before everyone gets mad at me? | ||
| The Legion of Skanks? | ||
| The Legion of Skanks. | ||
| And the SDR show is on All Things Comedy, the same as Ari's. | ||
| What is the SDR show? | ||
| Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. | ||
| Just interview porn stars and rock stars. | ||
| You guys are crazy. | ||
| We interview Tesla, but not that guy. | ||
| The band Tesla. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my goodness. | |
| That's the kind of interviews we do. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Very fun. | ||
| Is it available on iTunes? | ||
| All of them are available on iTunes? | ||
| All available on iTunes. | ||
| SDR shows on All Things Comedy. | ||
| See if you can go back to- see if you can find a good picture of his face, like a Google image, because it's so stupid. | ||
| You couldn't? | ||
| Oh, I guarantee you there's one. | ||
| Look at this fucking smudgy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There we go. | |
| Right there. | ||
| It's so fake. | ||
| He's got, like, fake beard on. | ||
| It's like a really... | ||
| No, that's not it. | ||
| Well, it's funny. | ||
| If you see the one where he's got the bullets on his chest, you can see when it's too light that he has no beard at all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hated that movie. | |
| You can tell a little bit there. | ||
| That movie pissed me off. | ||
| He's like a 12-year-old Cuban kid. | ||
| Well, he'd be so good as Drago, though. | ||
| He was so good as Drago. | ||
| Yeah, and that's what the Punisher would have looked like. | ||
| Yeah, but Brigitte Nielsen was so good as Mrs. Drago and she fucked Flavor Flav eventually. | ||
| So, you know, we all have our ups and peaks and valleys, y'all. | ||
| We're going to end with that. | ||
| Because that shit's real as fuck. | ||
| Remember Brigitte Nielsen? | ||
| Yeah, remember how hot she used to be. | ||
| Smoking! | ||
| A Cobra? | ||
| Wednesday night at the Comedy Store. | ||
| It's a ridiculous show. | ||
| Yeah, we got Sarah Silverman, you, Greg Fitzsimmons, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brody Stevens, and a bunch of surprise people. | ||
| But May 12th, San Francisco at the Punchline with Tony, and May 13th in Sacramento. | ||
| Tickets are on sale at Punchline Comedy Club. | ||
| And deathsquad.tv for all the dates, if you don't remember it. | ||
| And Redband on Twitter, if you want to... | ||
| Do you have your dates up on your iTunes or your Twitter page? | ||
| Yeah, they're at tourdates.deathsquad.tv. | ||
| Powerful Jay Oakerson. | ||
| I'm glad we could do it again. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| Hey, man, anytime you're in town, let me know. | ||
| We'll hook it up. | ||
| We'll keep doing it. | ||
| Always a good time, my friend. | ||
| Again, follow Big Jay Oakerson on Twitter. | ||
| Website... | ||
| BigJComedy.com. | ||
| BigJComedy, you fucks. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Love you guys. | ||
| Talk to you soon. | ||
| Many, many more podcasts this week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See ya. |
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