March 9, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:17:26
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Is that the whole name of the song? | ||
| Yep, that's it. | ||
| That's the whole name of the song. | ||
|
unidentified
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There's no need for the fucking music. | |
| Young Jamie. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| That was the beginning of it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| We are motherfucking live. | ||
| Are we doing it? | ||
| Yeah, we're doing it. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| That's a great new theme song. | ||
| Yeah, I like it. | ||
| I'm happy with it. | ||
| Ari motherfucking Shafir has a billboard. | ||
| If there was a movie about your life, and then this happened the way it happened, I would go, ah, dude, I was too much. | ||
| Yeah, too trite. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Oh, he had a billboard above where he lived for 10 years as he struggled. | ||
| Yeah, as he was fucking destitute, living in this little shitty area of Hollywood. | ||
| Making 13 grand a year. | ||
| Yeah, right next to the comedy store. | ||
| Right down the street from the comedy store. | ||
| It's the cheapest housing near the comedy store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember every time I'd visit you, I'd be like, we're safe here? | ||
| Can we walk through this? | ||
| Everything alright? | ||
| It wasn't dangerous, but it was bad. | ||
| And then eventually the homeless people started moving in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You lived with some sketchy folk. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| There was a few people. | ||
| I didn't walk through your halls like I would walk through the Ritz-Carlton's house. | ||
| It was like, I was on, I wouldn't say I'm on, you know, code red, but I was on code yellow or whatever the fuck the terrorist code is. | ||
| I had a little bit of fear. | ||
| We had these horns, it was kind of like that, that Brady, that chain you have there. | ||
| This thing? | ||
| With the beads, yeah. | ||
| It was hanging up with this weird horn thing, like on the railing in a corner, and I asked my friend there, I was like, how long has this been there? | ||
| He goes, before I moved in. | ||
| And we're like, do you want to move it? | ||
| You fucking move it. | ||
| It just looked like voodoo-ish, and we're like, uh-uh. | ||
| Maybe it's keeping the place up. | ||
| And that thing was there for 10, 12 years. | ||
| And no one touched it. | ||
| And you had this great deal where this apartment, like, they wanted to turn it into something else. | ||
| It's prime real estate. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Sunset in La Cienega. | ||
| Sunset in La Cienega, if they put a dope apartment building up in there, people would like a really good one. | ||
| That's what this guy wanted to do, but everyone above in the hill, the Richies got mad. | ||
| They're like, you're going to block our view! | ||
| Ah, the Richies. | ||
| And they blocked it forever. | ||
| Plus, even if it was like, alright, I'll have a new one. | ||
| There'll be no blockage of view. | ||
| I'm going to put a rooftop garden on there, so all you'll see is greenery and flowers. | ||
| What did they say about that? | ||
| Still not. | ||
| It's going to mess up traffic while you're building. | ||
| He goes, yeah, it is going to mess up traffic a little. | ||
| And then he got a deal with Pink Dot. | ||
| He goes, how about we only enter through the Pink Dot parking lot? | ||
| And they're like, still not. | ||
| Yeah, that takes years, right? | ||
| Yeah, so then he finally got the okay. | ||
| People were moving out one by one. | ||
| He was giving deals to people. | ||
| And he gave you a deal? | ||
| Gave me a deal. | ||
| I got the deal. | ||
| I think I might have been the last one to get the deal. | ||
| Ari's always been so smart. | ||
| I'm just talking like you're not here. | ||
| But you've always been so, like for a comic, you've always been so smart with money. | ||
| Well, I knew. | ||
| As soon as I was out of money, I was out of this dream. | ||
| My amount of money I had was time. | ||
| So if I had five grand in the bank, that's six months before I had to quit, move back to Maryland, go to paralegal school, whatever it was. | ||
| You were never moving back, dude. | ||
| I would have never let you move back. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fuck that. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I would have never let you move back. | ||
| I would have fucking kidnapped you. | ||
| I would have hired Tate. | ||
| I would have hired Tate. | ||
| Well, I knew when we first met, there's certain comics Where you meet them when they're really young and you go, dude, all you have to do is just keep going. | ||
| Just keep going. | ||
| You can do this. | ||
| There's guys that you go, man, I don't know. | ||
| There's guys that became super successful, like Sebastian is a really good example. | ||
| I got to see Sebastian really early in his career. | ||
| And he's a really funny comic. | ||
| He's really, really, really funny. | ||
| But he wasn't back then. | ||
| He wasn't. | ||
| And he'll admit it. | ||
| We'll all admit it. | ||
| Look, I wasn't either. | ||
| When I was young, I wasn't that good. | ||
| It depends when you see somebody. | ||
| If they're really bad, you'll be like, you should maybe quit. | ||
| And like a year or two later, you're like, oh, okay, you're starting to get it. | ||
| If you saw me when I was one year in, I mean, fucking Christ, you probably would have told me to quit. | ||
| I was terrible. | ||
| I was 21. I was an idiot. | ||
| I didn't know anything about anything in life. | ||
| I was basically a child. | ||
| It's like if I told you what seven times four is. | ||
| You're showing me your math skills. | ||
| I told you, what's seven times four? | ||
| It's an easy one. | ||
| You're like, 11? | ||
| You're like, no. | ||
| No, you're awful. | ||
| But then you realize, okay, maybe you're starting to get this. | ||
| You at least know that you can add those things. | ||
| Yeah, well, you have to have life experience. | ||
| You have to have life experience. | ||
| I didn't have life experience. | ||
| I didn't even have regular people's life experience. | ||
| That's why all new comics do jokes about not being able to get laid. | ||
| Because there's young, fucking, uncomfortable people who can't get laid. | ||
| So that's most of their experience. | ||
| They're all like, no one wants to fuck me. | ||
| And it's like, yeah, that's how everybody thinks at 24. Yeah. | ||
| But when you're a comic and you've been a comic for a long time and you see someone who's doing it, they're starting out. | ||
| There was some kid on Kill Tony. | ||
| I had a conversation with him afterwards. | ||
| I go, dude, you're really funny. | ||
| You could really do this. | ||
| We had this long conversation. | ||
| I'm like, how long have you been doing this? | ||
| He's like, two years. | ||
| I go, dude, you're really good. | ||
| You could do this. | ||
| I could just keep going. | ||
| You gotta just keep going. | ||
| Just keep going. | ||
| Just gotta keep going. | ||
| And they want another secret. | ||
| There's no secrets, man. | ||
| Just keep going. | ||
| But that's what I knew with you. | ||
| You know what Argus gave me advice? | ||
| I may have told you this. | ||
| I went through my first rut, where everything was hitting a little worse. | ||
| If it was an A-plus room, my jokes that should get an A-plus were getting a B-plus, and in a B-room, they were getting a C. And I'm like, man, what's happening here? | ||
| These jokes do better. | ||
| And I asked a bunch of people for advice, and you were like, yeah, you've grown past your material, so you've just got to get new material. | ||
| Freddie was like, do it a thousand times, so you know it so well. | ||
| It's not a hundred times. | ||
| But then Argus gave me this advice that he goes, well, maybe comedy's not your thing. | ||
| And I was like so mad about it. | ||
| But the reality is he was talking to some young new guy who's like, I don't know man, it's not going well. | ||
| I can see what his point of view is. | ||
| If you don't want to do this, you should get out. | ||
| Well, Argus has been doing it way longer than me. | ||
| And he was at the store for like... | ||
| In like the 70s. | ||
| Late 70s. | ||
| So he's probably so tired of hearing that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like, dude, shut up. | ||
| Just shut up. | ||
| Do it if you want to do it or don't. | ||
| But you know what, man? | ||
| Those guys, I feel like they do the art form a disservice. | ||
| Because I think that people, not Argus in general, but like people who don't take time to talk to young comics, they think have talent. | ||
| Because comics are super fragile in the beginning. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why I was like always like really friendly to Marc Maron for like years after. | ||
| Even why we like had some weirdness with each other. | ||
| He gave me advice when I was like really young. | ||
| When I was like 21 and I was just doing open mic nights. | ||
| I did the Comedy Connection once. | ||
| And he gave me advice. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| He goes, dude, he goes, you're really good. | ||
| He goes, you could do this. | ||
| He said, he goes, just don't listen to all these other people. | ||
| He goes, you're really original. | ||
| You got your own thing you're doing. | ||
| He said, just keep writing. | ||
| Just keep writing. | ||
| And I remember, like, Maren was like a successful comic then. | ||
| You know, he was like, he would work. | ||
| You know, he would, like, you know, there'd be a show. | ||
| There'd be Jackie Flynn, Mark Maren. | ||
| Like, he was on the marquee or whatever. | ||
| He was on the lineup. | ||
| He was getting paid. | ||
| If you're a new guy looking up to someone, anyone like that, it's like, wow, you're doing this for a living. | ||
| That was so important to me. | ||
| And so I think that when I remember that, like back in those days, I mean, when someone can come along and just give you just a little nudge, just a little people, and then you have to realize that. | ||
| Positive reinforcement. | ||
| Yeah, we're all this. | ||
| Take your job, man. | ||
| We're all the same goddamn thing in this. | ||
| Just because you've been doing it longer, like a guy who's been doing it for like six months was a real comic. | ||
| He's still a comic. | ||
| He's a comic. | ||
| It doesn't matter that he's broke and poor or he's been doing it for six months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's you, dude. | |
| We're the same thing. | ||
| We're all trying to write a good dick joke. | ||
| We're all going to pretend you're something different once you're successful? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| That sounds so crazy. | ||
| All you're trying to do is make people laugh. | ||
| That's all you're trying to do. | ||
| That's all they're trying to do. | ||
| Yeah, it is the same thing. | ||
| Even if more people want to see you or more people want to see another guy, that's not what matters. | ||
| What matters is, like, Russell Peters. | ||
| Perfect example. | ||
| Russell Peters treats everybody like they're a comic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He treats everybody. | ||
| Young guys just coming up. | ||
| Yeah, he did it with Tony once. | ||
| He was talking to the front hallway when Tommy was working the cover booth, and he was also the tower coordinator. | ||
| And they were just talking in the front. | ||
| And, um... | ||
| Russell's like, did you get on yet? | ||
| And Tony was like, no. | ||
| He wasn't passed as a paid regular yet. | ||
| And he goes, no, I don't really. | ||
| You could tell he was already upset about it. | ||
| He's like, what do you mean? | ||
| You don't get up here? | ||
| He goes, eh, you know, in the belly room sometimes. | ||
| And then Russell just turns to Tommy. | ||
| He goes, hey, man, you should put him up. | ||
| He's really funny. | ||
| You kidding? | ||
| You gotta put him up. | ||
| Well, the guy like Tommy, you could do that. | ||
| Yeah, you could overpower. | ||
| And it's like, yeah, well, why not tell somebody? | ||
| They're like, okay, tell me. | ||
| I'll email the right. | ||
| Just right then. | ||
| It's like, hey, dude, this guy's funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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What are you doing? | |
| Well, remember when Chris McGuire passed at the store and I hosted the whole night? | ||
| Because you don't understand Peter Chen was going to host and he was the worst comic. | ||
| I still get emails from him sometimes, these new pilots he's made. | ||
| He was beyond terrible. | ||
| He was like a foreign Asian who had nothing. | ||
| He had nothing. | ||
| He was there to exist for Don Barris to fuck with. | ||
| He's gonna be very upset at you over this. | ||
| He's gonna be very upset at you over this podcast. | ||
| I gotta show you some of these pilots he's made. | ||
| I watch them every time. | ||
| He's just trying. | ||
| He's out there trying. | ||
| They're like either 38 minutes as a pilot or like 4 minutes as a pilot. | ||
| They make no sense. | ||
| Oh, they're so great. | ||
| Duncan thought he was just doing a character. | ||
| So you had to sit next to Mitzi. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| That's where you got people passed. | ||
| Sit next to them and laugh. | ||
| So she'd actually watch. | ||
| That's how I got in. | ||
| I got in because of the Todd. | ||
| The Todd sat there? | ||
| The Todd hooked me up and he told me he was hooking me up. | ||
| And he told me you'd do it to other comics too. | ||
| I heard Louie call for this guy I worked with in San Francisco, and I needed an MC, and she was like, well, there's a who? | ||
| I'm like, get somebody good. | ||
| Please get somebody really good. | ||
| But anyway, Louie called the punchline for this guy. | ||
| Saw him somewhere, and he was like, hey, that guy's funny, so you should help him. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Yeah, man, that's important for all of us. | ||
| You know, we're also fans of it, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I want to be in the audience. | ||
| I want to see funny shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I tip dudes now if they do really good. | ||
| So here's the Ari Secure story. | ||
| So Ari's living in this fucking apartment, okay? | ||
| This crazy apartment. | ||
| It did have a pool. | ||
| It was fucking sweet. | ||
| For the price, it was goddamn sweet. | ||
| Oh, yeah, dude. | ||
| You had a good hookup. | ||
| I mean, it wasn't totally dangerous. | ||
| But they wouldn't want to do the repair. | ||
| Once people started moving out, they didn't want to do any repairs. | ||
| So it was just like leaves were around. | ||
| It looked like the apocalypse had hit, like Walking Dead, but they found a place. | ||
| You had a literal slumlord. | ||
| Yeah, we had a slumlord. | ||
| A real one. | ||
| He would always accuse us of that, too. | ||
| We're like, dude, do the fucking repair, man! | ||
| And he's like, are you saying I'm a slumlord? | ||
|
unidentified
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He's like, no, but yes, you are! | |
| Fix the fucking, clean the fucking pool! | ||
| Look at him, he gets so angry. | ||
| Because he had to, and he just wouldn't want to do his fucking Armenian. | ||
| He may as well have been a Jew. | ||
| He's the worst. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| Fucking dirt was coming out of my sink once, and I'm like, dude, dirt is coming out of this. | ||
| And he goes, that's what happens, you haven't used a sink in a while. | ||
| I'm like, let me come to your place and see if it happens at your place. | ||
| In Malibu. | ||
| Fuck you, Frank! | ||
| Whoa, whoa. | ||
| Ari Shaffir. | ||
| Okay, so Ari's living in this apartment. | ||
| And, you know, there was a point in time where things weren't going that good for you. | ||
| Yeah, a large point in time. | ||
| Like, ten, twelve years. | ||
| You were, you know, you were putting in your time and you were trying to figure it out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what was important during that time, was really, really, really important during that time, is even though you weren't achieving great financial success, you were doing well on stage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People liked me. | ||
| At my level, I was always one of the better ones, I think. | ||
| You were always doing well. | ||
| And you were always working. | ||
| You were always working on new shit. | ||
| You were always trying to get better. | ||
| You were always tweaking things. | ||
| Kind of like we all do. | ||
| We all have a real similar style in that. | ||
| We don't have a monologue that's prepared and that we do the exact same way all the time. | ||
| No, store guys can't do that. | ||
| When it comes down for a showcase for Montreal or Conan or something, we have to just start to go up and go, so I was at the store. | ||
| You ever notice... | ||
| Comedy store guys fail at that. | ||
| When there's eight people in the audience, comedy store people fail. | ||
| You can't just go right into material. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're like, this is not what I'm supposed to do here. | ||
| I should do crowd work for seven people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I'm not, yeah, we can't do it. | ||
| It just seems weird because that place you're so used to, the honesty of the place. | ||
| It fights contrivance, and then here you are needing to be contrived. | ||
| So yeah. | ||
| So go ahead. | ||
| Sorry to interrupt you. | ||
| So Ari is doing, you know, he's doing stand-up at the store. | ||
| Ah. | ||
| I started taking you on the road. | ||
| That's where you found me. | ||
| What'd you find me? | ||
| How'd you find me at the store? | ||
| Yeah, but we were friendly and stuff. | ||
| You were cool. | ||
| You hung out, you know. | ||
| But like, how'd you go from that to like, hey, come open for me once? | ||
| Because I saw that there was something going on, man. | ||
| Would you even come by for the open mic? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Dude, I was there all the time. | ||
| I lived at the store, basically. | ||
| You know, when I was doing stand-up in the early 90s, from 94 to, like, whatever it was that I stopped going there. | ||
| I was probably doing late spots. | ||
| I was probably already a paid regular. | ||
| I was doing late, late spots by then. | ||
| I saw you before you were a paid regular, dude. | ||
| I saw you way before you were a paid regular. | ||
| We became friends when you were first starting out there. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You were working there. | ||
| You were working there. | ||
| You were one of the kids working there. | ||
| We were always cool. | ||
| We were always talking in the parking lot. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You used to get me high. | ||
| You had that marijuana soda once before anybody knew what it was. | ||
| It is the days when you couldn't get where you were still at the feet of Buddy Bolton learning how to fucking free pot game. | ||
| Yeah, I was... | ||
|
unidentified
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Buddy Bolton? | |
| Was that his name? | ||
| Which guy? | ||
| The guy who first had the medical marijuana license. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Was that his last name? | ||
| Bolton? | ||
| Buddy Bolton? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Goddamn, that sounds right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a cool dude. | ||
| Whatever happened to that guy? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, totally cool. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| His picture's up in the cellar of those montage pictures. | ||
| But anyway. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| But yeah, it was like you couldn't go to a store and buy it. | ||
| It was just legal if you had this card, but it wasn't usable. | ||
| You had to be sneaky as fuck. | ||
| And I was getting mine from this place in the hood. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was in the hood. | ||
| I was trying to remember. | ||
| I kept the card for like the longest time. | ||
|
unidentified
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Inglewood. | |
| It was in Inglewood. | ||
| The Inglewood Wellness Center. | ||
| That's what it's called. | ||
| Wellness or herbal. | ||
| There were the nicest folks that run that place. | ||
| They were so nice. | ||
| I hadn't been there for a while and I was thinking about, man, I should go down there and buy some from them just to give them some love because they're really nice guys. | ||
| But one of the guys got shot. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, one of the guys got robbed there at gunpoint and shot in the stomach. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah, and he lived, but I'm like, whoa. | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| They got robbed because they had a lot of money on hand, cash, because they were taking everything in cash. | ||
| And most of them didn't have credit cards until, like, fairly recently. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| They were like, no, we don't do that. | ||
| So they were selling weed, and everybody knew they were selling weed, and so they got robbed, and he got shot. | ||
| It's hard to talk about that, man. | ||
| Damn, it sucks. | ||
| Because they were such gentle people. | ||
| If you knew these guys... | ||
| But people saw them, and they're like, we can take advantage of this. | ||
| If you knew the dude who got shot, he was such a gentle guy. | ||
| He was such a sweetheart, like what you think of as a classic older stoner. | ||
| Like, hey man, how you doing, man? | ||
| Good to see you, brother. | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| Give me a hug, man. | ||
| How are you, man? | ||
| You're like, everything cool. | ||
| Always friendly. | ||
| Always positive. | ||
| And they would laugh and laugh and crack jokes and just talk about weed. | ||
| Talk about life and all kinds of shit. | ||
| And this guy got shot selling weed. | ||
|
unidentified
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Damn. | |
| So I stopped going there. | ||
| Yeah, but the weed you brought around was fucking tremendous. | ||
| Those guys hooked it up back in the day. | ||
| I mean, this is like 99 or something like that? | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| No, I started at 99, so this is 2000, 2001, 2002. Yeah, somewhere around there makes sense, because that's around when I started hanging out with Eddie Bravo. | ||
| He corrupted me. | ||
| He corrupted me and I corrupted you. | ||
| I referred to Rogan as El Diablo for about seven months. | ||
| Because I'd be in the front. | ||
| It'd be 1.45 in the morning. | ||
| I'd put away all the chairs. | ||
| I'm just sitting in the front chair looking out at sunset so high and just thinking, get out of me! | ||
| Get out of me! | ||
| And it wouldn't leave. | ||
| Dude, we had some fun. | ||
| We did shows where we were so high we should definitely not have been talking to people. | ||
| Anybody. | ||
| But they went great, man. | ||
| You just got to kind of trust in you. | ||
| I wouldn't get high in those days on stage. | ||
| I would just get high to be around. | ||
| You got hot and went on stage a bunch of times though back then. | ||
| Later, yeah. | ||
| The one in Boston? | ||
| There was that one in Boston. | ||
| That was the first time. | ||
| That was the first time. | ||
| Rogan refused to let me not get hot. | ||
| He goes, hey, let's get hot. | ||
| We were going, the hotel was like across the street. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we were like, I was up there, I'm like, come on, man, we gotta go, we gotta go. | ||
| And he's like, all right, quick, get high first. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| I'm gonna be on stage in fucking 18 minutes. | ||
| And you were like, nah, who cares? | ||
| I'm like, no, I won't be able to be good. | ||
| He goes, who do you think you work for? | ||
| You work for this 480 seat room? | ||
| Or do you think you work for me? | ||
| And I was like, yeah, I guess you. | ||
| And he goes, I don't care if you fail, so fucking get high! | ||
| What was important to me to tell you is that you can't get fired. | ||
| Right, that's what it was. | ||
| You can't get fired. | ||
|
unidentified
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Just go have fun. | |
| Nothing bad will happen. | ||
| Yeah, you can't get fired. | ||
| You're learning how to do this. | ||
| You'd only been doing it a couple years. | ||
| You're writing jokes. | ||
| You're trying to shit out. | ||
| I'm like, just go out there and have some fun. | ||
| Be you. | ||
| But I was not at the tolerance that you were at. | ||
| I could only be me in the second show. | ||
| By the second show, I had come out. | ||
| The first show, I was gone. | ||
| Fire on the second show, though. | ||
| You were on fire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I remember that because you had gotten into this crazy place where you're like, when you get high, there's this point in the beginning where you're like... | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| The danger zone. | ||
| I'm skiing. | ||
| That'll make you... | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You're skiing. | ||
| You're going down a mountain. | ||
| You're fucking not sure you can stop. | ||
| Yeah, and that's what makes you leave parties early. | ||
| You gotta overcome the danger zone. | ||
| And then it takes you into what? | ||
| Then you get into this introspective, really articulate zone. | ||
| You get into an area where you're more articulate than you are when you're not smoking. | ||
| You're cool. | ||
| I think it's over the top of the mountain. | ||
| So then you're like, okay, I know that's as high as I was going to get. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not scared. | ||
| Now I'm coasting. | ||
| I'm not scared anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's exactly what it is. | ||
| You get to this weird point where you're comfortable with the state, and then you can kind of relax. | ||
| And also, the effects of THC have diminished. | ||
| They'll diminish over an hour. | ||
| Yeah, but for you, that first part is 30 minutes. | ||
| For me, it was two and a half hours. | ||
| Sometimes it's longer than that, man. | ||
| Sometimes you're high the next day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| If you eat a cookie or something like that, you could easily be high the next day. | ||
| My friend Aaron got me high in college on Kind Bud. | ||
| Did you have Kind Bud when you were... | ||
| That's just not real. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Wait, hold on. | ||
| What did Kind Bud mean? | ||
| It just means good pot. | ||
| That's all it meant, which is good? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's just pot, man. | ||
| There was Kind Bud and there was swag. | ||
| I'm going to have... | ||
| I'm gonna have to have Todd McCormick come on and explain all of this. | ||
| He could be the guy. | ||
| The old terms? | ||
| He's coming on soon anyway. | ||
| He'll come on. | ||
| He's doing some giant weed expo in LA. Really? | ||
| He's gonna promote. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he could tell you the actual history. | ||
| Like, he's an actual historian. | ||
| Got him, bud, bro. | ||
| We're just guessing. | ||
| He actually grows it. | ||
| I wonder if that meant sativa or indica. | ||
| Or if it doesn't mean good or bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it just means good weed. | |
| I think there's wack weed. | ||
| There's Mexican dirt weed. | ||
| There's shitty weed. | ||
| It's high stick. | ||
| Yeah, but it's all weed. | ||
| But he gave me some, and I played golf with my aunt the next day. | ||
| And by hole five, I was just coming down. | ||
| I realized when we were hitting the guard, and she's a conservative person. | ||
| Her husband's like a lawyer, and it's conservative. | ||
| So once I realized I was high, I was like, keep your mouth shut. | ||
| Dude, but if you get that wave right, like the other night, Aubrey and I were playing pool. | ||
| And I don't really play that much anymore, man. | ||
| I don't get a chance. | ||
| I don't play in tournaments anymore. | ||
| I don't get a chance to play too many, like, sometimes Dom Arara and I will get together. | ||
| Or Greg Fitzsimmons plays pretty good. | ||
| We'll get together. | ||
| You play pretty good. | ||
| We'll get together and knock some balls around, but I'm not playing real players in tournaments anymore. | ||
| But every now and then, you get high and you remember what to do. | ||
| You remember how to do it. | ||
| The other day I got in the zone. | ||
| Let me just get high real quick. | ||
| I got in the zone for five, six shots in a row. | ||
| I started running out this table, getting out over and over and over again. | ||
| In a way that I really shouldn't be able to do because I'm really not practicing that much. | ||
| But I just got into this zone. | ||
| It was very temporary. | ||
| I couldn't hold it, but I knew it was all the weed. | ||
| I knew it. | ||
| I know how to play pool a little bit, but I'm in this crazy sensitive zone where I know how to control that ball better. | ||
| It's two ways it can hit you. | ||
| I do it on basketball, and sometimes in basketball, it's like someone will throw you a pass, and while it's in the air, you go, okay, what are my options here when this ball gets to me? | ||
| I got him cutting. | ||
| I could pass to him. | ||
| I could shoot. | ||
| I could pass it back. | ||
| And it's like, all right, I'm ready. | ||
| I think I'm ready. | ||
| And then the ball comes to you. | ||
| Other times, that ball just hits you in the face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| It's so true! | ||
| Everyone's like, why are you playing high? | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| That's the same with jiu-jitsu as well. | ||
| Oh, yeah, absolutely. | ||
| People love smoking pot and doing jiu-jitsu too because I think it makes you focus on what you're doing rather than being uncomfortable with what you're doing. | ||
| It lets you really just be in the moment in some strange way. | ||
| That's counterintuitive for people who don't smoke pot. | ||
| It couldn't help you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's also like what we would do when we were doing that, when we'd get really high and go on stage. | ||
| What we were doing was, I was like, I know that when we get really high and we sit around and talk, we have some of the coolest conversations. | ||
| You come up with some funnier things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's funner to riff on that when you're high. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't matter sets at the Comedy Store are good when you're high. | ||
| You say a joke and then you just think of something ridiculous on top of it. | ||
| You talk about flying giraffe pussy people. | ||
| Those don't come out unless you're stoned. | ||
| So once in a while you need that. | ||
| But if you're doing a showcase, if you're like, here's the exact set I want to run, then it's not the greatest thing in the world to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, yeah, sometimes it's not. | ||
| Ren and ZZ asked me before he taped his special a couple years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was like, hey, what do you do for weed? | |
| I was like, I smoke like two hours before, hour and a half before, you know? | ||
| Yeah, let it taper off. | ||
| Yeah, don't risk having it too high that time, but yeah. | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| Could be danger, but if you get past that and you get to that calm spot, then you really... | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And that's where a lot of comedy comes from. | ||
| We just sold a really bad bill of goods in this country when it comes to marijuana. | ||
| And it's just automatically associated with people that are lazy, automatically associated with people that are dumb. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I smoke more than ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have two specials and a show this year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's only the first quarter. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| It makes you more aware. | ||
| It makes you more sensitive. | ||
| And that also brings the paranora. | ||
| But I knew that, like, you know, if you just got used to doing it, you would love it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's fucking around. | ||
| Yeah, especially when you're fucking around on stage. | ||
| Do you ever go back and apologize to the people you shit on for smoking pot? | ||
| I should. | ||
| I don't know who they were. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder. | ||
| Well, it was people that were already, like, failing. | ||
| That was the problem. | ||
| The people that I knew that were smoking pot all the time weren't doing anything with their lives. | ||
| I didn't know anybody that was like... | ||
| What'd you say to Joey Diaz? | ||
| Ralphie, people like that. | ||
| People that were smoking around the store. | ||
| Were there pot smokers back then? | ||
| Well, I definitely didn't smoke pot when I first met Joey, because when Joey used to hang around the... | ||
| There was no time he did not smoke pot. | ||
| No, he definitely smoked pot, but he ramped it up quite a bit. | ||
| I mean, he really ramped it up quite a bit when it became more and more available in the 90s, like the late 90s and the early 2000s, like right when I started smoking. | ||
| He had already ramped it up. | ||
| He was ramping it up. | ||
| He was getting fucking cookies from people back then. | ||
| And he quit the Coke. | ||
| Not then, I don't think so. | ||
| I think it was much later. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| We were good friends during the Coke days. | ||
| Joey and I were real good friends during the Coke days. | ||
| And it happened... | ||
| It happened consecutively with the death of my friend Johnny, who also had a coke thing. | ||
| So I knew the coke thing. | ||
| I knew what it was like to be around those guys. | ||
| So it wasn't the same time? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Joey was high long before then. | ||
| And then the coke thing went back and forth into the time where I was already smoking weed. | ||
| I remember Joey in some city, Boston, Philly, something like that, we're all driving to a gig. | ||
| We saw these, like, 18-year-old kids, like, walking in front of our car to the show. | ||
| They're wearing, like, you know, Flying Monkey, whatever you call it. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Talking about higher primate shirts. | ||
| Yeah, stuff like that. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, they're going to the show. | ||
| And then as they pass onto the driver's side, Dia's like, honk, honk. | ||
| And they honk, and they turn, and they see Dia's like, whoa, we're going to the show right now! | ||
| And he's like, they're like, we got these cookies! | ||
| And he just grabs one of you and throws it in his mouth. | ||
| And they're like, oh my god! | ||
| And then we just drove off. | ||
| For those kids, it's probably one of the coolest things ever. | ||
| Joey Diaz, man. | ||
| He was another one. | ||
| Like, when I first met him, and I started hanging out with him, you know, immediately, we started working together. | ||
| I think Joey and I did sets in the 90s, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah, we did. | ||
| I think we did Rascals in New York, in New Jersey, rather. | ||
| I think we did that shit in the late 90s. | ||
| We started going on the road together. | ||
| Whenever he came to town, whenever it was, I was taking him on the road. | ||
| You liked him? | ||
| Loved him. | ||
| I loved him. | ||
| I just knew that this guy, I knew, like, if everybody could see this guy the way I see this guy, like, to me, he was just a joy. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| He was just this guy who would come around and he would freak people out because he was really big back then. | ||
| He looked like a football player. | ||
| He was probably like 230. Oh, really? | ||
| 240, maybe. | ||
| He's nowhere near that. | ||
| Well, he was, I don't even want to guess how, because Joey's a big guy. | ||
| Joey's about six feet tall. | ||
| And he's very wide. | ||
| You know, he's got that thick, like, Cuban build. | ||
| He's a thick fucker. | ||
| Before he was overweight. | ||
| It's crammed in like a Cuban sandwich. | ||
| Yeah, and he had a dangerous air about him. | ||
| He was like a dangerous dude. | ||
| Yeah, he had just left the life. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he had been in prison just a few years prior. | ||
| And because I spent so much time hanging around pool halls when I lived in New Jersey, in New York, I liked those guys. | ||
| You got drawn to him from that. | ||
| Those guys are fun. | ||
| They're fun guys to hang around with. | ||
| Those guys were laughing at shit, and they were always the guys... | ||
| I mean, there was always trouble, like, you know, I've been around Joey, snapping at dudes, and where I was worried he might hit somebody with a bottle. | ||
| Joey gets fucking crazy. | ||
| I saw my friend Johnny, my friend Johnny who reminds me of Joey. | ||
| I saw him hit this guy in the head with a coffee mug. | ||
| Fuck his head up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he grabbed a coffee, but they got in some fight. | ||
| It was like, oh, to be around that kind of shit, man, you've got to know where the guy, like Joey was, like, he kept it together better than Johnny did. | ||
| Joey was, Joey's smarter in some ways, like socially. | ||
| Aware of you know how he's coming off Joey just you know, he's just a wild motherfucker that lived a wild life But he's I knew that he was like this great guy You know it's like this guy's like something. | ||
| He's so special Yeah, like he's like one of my favorite human beings of all time because he's just so genuinely him You know Joey's doesn't have any airs about him. | ||
| He's not he's not trying to pretend to be anybody No, you're right. | ||
| He totally is not trying to be anything else. | ||
| He figured out how to do it on stage and Yeah. | ||
| He was always the best at that, at being the exact same offstage and onstage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was the best at that, where there was really no difference between those two characters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we started going on the road together, like, right away. | ||
| I used to have a hard time following him, too, man. | ||
| There was a bunch of times in the beginning I realized, like, wow, this is... | ||
| I thought this is good, I gotta ramp it up. | ||
| But I'm like, man, I can't half-ass going on after this guy. | ||
| Yeah, because he's so strong. | ||
| He's so strong. | ||
| He would go on these... | ||
| The headliner killer. | ||
| Yeah, oh my god. | ||
| People would tell me, you know, like, what's wrong with you? | ||
| Like, why are you taking Joe Diaz on the road with you? | ||
| Like, do you want to follow that guy? | ||
| They would call him to teach people a lesson in towns. | ||
| They would, yeah. | ||
| Like, we're going to have Joey feature for you. | ||
| That's what they did to fucking Kevin Meaney in Miami. | ||
| Kevin Meaney at the Miami Improv, he's like, this prick, he's giving me a hard time, I'm gonna fucking book Diaz right in front of him. | ||
| The guy who ran the place was nuts, and he was Joey's friend. | ||
| And they were all doing the Colombian marching powder together. | ||
| And they set that weekend up. | ||
| So Joey Diaz goes on in a Cuban room, okay? | ||
| You're in Miami. | ||
| All Cubans. | ||
| Half of his act he does in Spanish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| I'm not fucking kidding. | ||
| And I mean... | ||
| Oh yeah, this was a one-man show in Spanish. | ||
| You could have lit everyone in that room on fire and kicked them in the balls and they would still be laughing. | ||
| He was crushing in a way that's like biblical. | ||
| You don't get to see that. | ||
| It's like these moments that happen. | ||
| They never get captured on film. | ||
| It's like a 10 o'clock show on a Friday night in Miami. | ||
| And he's crushing in a way. | ||
| You've got to step out of the room for a while just to catch your breath. | ||
| You've got to watch it with the door half open so you can wheeze and breathe. | ||
| And then they threw Kevin Meany on after him. | ||
| Just like, fuck you. | ||
| We're big pants people! | ||
|
unidentified
|
We have big pants! | |
| He's used to killing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And Meany's a funny guy. | ||
| He's a really funny guy. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| So back to my billboard. | ||
| So anyway, I knew even way, way, way, way back then, you know, when you first started out, when I knew just talking to you, I'm like, this is a smart dude. | ||
| Smart dude, you're funny. | ||
| You're capable of making really good jokes sometimes. | ||
| Like, all you have to do is just keep going. | ||
| I just knew that. | ||
| And so to be your friend through this whole thing and to see you from, you know, your baby steps and stand up and trying to figure it out and all the years you try to get past the store, you know, that opening to your podcast when you talked about your Comedy Central special, which is called Paid Regular. | ||
| Which is such a good special, but it's so strong, like what you did. | ||
| Because for the longest time, you weren't getting passive. | ||
| You were paid regular. | ||
| It was the biggest fucking hurdle I had to get over. | ||
| It took a long time. | ||
| It was way easier for me. | ||
| I got in pretty quick because of the Todd. | ||
| And because I was already headlined. | ||
| Yeah, and you came in as a developed guy. | ||
| I started there. | ||
| I was, you know, I was still, I sucked. | ||
| But I was, I had some shit. | ||
| I had some shit that would occasionally kill. | ||
| I just hadn't figured out how to put it all together yet. | ||
| But the store is where I learned how to put it all together. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I learned, dude. | ||
| Going on after Martin Lawrence in the main room on a fucking Saturday night when he was, when he was doing those, when he was doing those concert movies. | ||
| In the movies, man. | ||
| With the giant X on his shirt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Remember that one? | ||
| Dude, I followed him. | ||
| The leather X? Yeah, the leather jumpsuit on. | ||
| I followed him. | ||
| You can't even say I ate it, because there was no reaction. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| It was just death. | ||
| That's the coolest thing. | ||
| It's like, headliner shows over, you're like, no, there's going to be four more young comics on who are just learning how to do comedy. | ||
| It's the worst environment. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I guess I ate it, but ate it is just not a good enough word. | ||
| Ate it, like, when you eat it, you can eat it, and you can still kind of like half-ass a few laughs here and there. | ||
| It's way worse than ate it. | ||
| I ate... | ||
| There was no breathing. | ||
| If an F is a 55, 58, you know? | ||
| I got a 12. It's like it's beyond F. I just fucking rotted up there. | ||
| And I did that all the time. | ||
| I did that after Dice. | ||
| I used to do that after anyone that was any good. | ||
| I did it after Damon Wayans. | ||
| I did it after... | ||
| That's what Mitzi would do. | ||
| She would just shove you on. | ||
| And so I learned there. | ||
| And when you started coming up, I just saw, I just knew it. | ||
| I just knew it. | ||
| I'm like, you could do it. | ||
| Yeah, you would come hang out at the employee time, too. | ||
| You came to that time where all the employees would do each other's jokes. | ||
| You had to pick out of a hat, you get this guy's joke. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| Yeah, and everyone did one. | ||
| You were making fun of certain people like, I've never seen this material that funny. | ||
| But you knew the other guys doing it. | ||
| You came from the employee time a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, like I said, we all think this now. | ||
| We all sort of share this idea now that we're all just comics. | ||
| And that's the beautiful thing about the store is that there's this fraternity where there's guys that are part of it that are really just starting out, man. | ||
| And there's other guys that have been around it for like Russell Peters. | ||
| Well, that's the cool thing. | ||
| At the store, you have these door guys who are like a lot of people that are like major professionals now. | ||
| We're also door guys there. | ||
| Worked the booth, worked the phone. | ||
| So it's not like, excuse me, employee. | ||
| It's like, oh, excuse me, someone who was just like this friend of mine. | ||
| Caparulo was a door guy. | ||
| I was a door guy. | ||
| Renizzisi. | ||
| You know, from the league. | ||
| These are people that started fucking mopping up vomit. | ||
| So when you see the new guys mopping up vomit, and I see them now fucking around with Don Barris later night and really growing for the first time. | ||
| Dude, we passed this kid on the way back. | ||
| Who was with us? | ||
| Did you go? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, Red Band. | ||
| We were coming back from The Standard. | ||
| We Red Band and Pete. | ||
| And this guy just left the store. | ||
| And I was late and I goes, I saw boobs! | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Like, the girl took her boobs out? | ||
| I felt them? | ||
| Like, where? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, just now, Barris was in the back and he got this girl. | |
| And then I remember, like, it's the degenerating of these. | ||
| And it's what it was. | ||
| You start with, like, as a beautiful, pure kid, you're met with this awful degeneracy. | ||
| Like, who are these people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
El Diablo. | |
| What are they doing? | ||
| The drugs and the fucking and the different, like, depravity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The dark side. | |
| And then you just get changed. | ||
| I remember some waitress, May, some really beautiful, like Latino, real thin and like real pure look. | ||
| And I was seating the open micers and someone was yelling. | ||
| I was like, shut the fuck up or I'll kick you out. | ||
| No more warnings. | ||
| And she just goes, you've changed. | ||
| And it does. | ||
| It changes all of them. | ||
| This kid had never felt a boob before. | ||
| The idea that he could feel some girl's tits when people are watching and laughing. | ||
| So it just, the darkness of the room. | ||
| It makes you a comic. | ||
| The darkness of the room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dragged you into its fire. | ||
| Dragged you into hell. | ||
| It invites you in and then says, I'll give you the option. | ||
| Do you want to take the pill? | ||
| Do you want to leave? | ||
| Well, it also, like, I think there was echoes of the 80s, what Sam Kinison did to that place. | ||
| Back in the crazy Wild Coke days when he was the number one comic in the world. | ||
| And, you know, everybody would come to see his shows and he would do these midnight spots. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know those days like that craziness of that time all those crazy fucked up people on their drugs The echoes were still like running through that building. | ||
| Yeah, you're right people are still like returning and then they would be get more people returning That's just an excuse to use the word beget Right time to throw it out there So you went through this long development period and you did it mostly at the store and then on the road, | ||
| you know, when we would do gigs together. | ||
| You saw the whole thing, I mean, from the beginning. | ||
| That road stuff was super instrumental, being able to spread my wings and be like, oh, okay, here's what it is, here's what I've been learning for. | ||
| It's not just sparring. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's something I never got from anybody else. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No. | ||
| I never really had that opportunity to have someone take me with me. | ||
| And you can see what better comedy is on a night-to-night basis and see beyond just what your jokes are than how you're doing them and, you know, when you go after Heckler, when you don't. | ||
| And that was the best thing about learning at the store, too. | ||
| You see these great comics. | ||
| You see Paul Mooney command a stage and you're like, oh, how does he do that? | ||
| You don't get to just watch once. | ||
| You get to watch 45 times in three months. | ||
| And you start to understand it. | ||
| To work there like you did, it's an unbelievable education. | ||
| I mean, that's what happened with Eleanor. | ||
| Eleanor Kerrigan, our friend, who was a waitress there forever. | ||
| She wasn't a comic, but she was hilarious! | ||
| And she was also a great judge of talent. | ||
| Like, if some dude was in from out of town, I would go, how is he? | ||
| And she'd be like, oh, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, she saw it so much. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| She would know. | ||
| Like, she would nail it. | ||
| Or she would go, he's fucking funny. | ||
| You gotta watch this guy. | ||
| He's fucking funny. | ||
| And if Eleanor told me that, I was sitting down. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm like, great. | ||
| This guy's gonna be really good. | ||
| Let's see what's up. | ||
| Yeah, she would call managers and agents and tell them, yeah, this person's for real. | ||
| She's awesome. | ||
| So nice to see her doing stand-up. | ||
| So you went through all this struggle, and then over the last few years, everything has fucking taken off. | ||
| You have a Comedy Central special. | ||
| You sold your last special of Comedy Central. | ||
| And it airs this Friday. | ||
| It airs this Friday at midnight on Comedy Central. | ||
| Midnight Eastern, I think 11 and 10, the other time zones. | ||
| And you can buy it right now. | ||
| There's a banner, it should be up really soon, right now at rethegreat.com. | ||
| You can get it for pay what you, I'm doing pay what you want. | ||
| Pay what you want. | ||
| I think they're saying you gotta do a dollar. | ||
| That's glorious. | ||
| Because it's their system, but fuck it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, all this has happened over the last few years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And you get this Comedy Central show. | ||
| The show that you're on. | ||
| The show that I'm on. | ||
| On Thursday. | ||
| Thursday night. | ||
| It's called This Is Not Happening. | ||
| And there's a billboard. | ||
| This is not Ari's idea. | ||
| He didn't ask for this. | ||
| There's a billboard above his old fucking apartment. | ||
| And the billboard above your old fucking apartment is that this is not happening with you. | ||
| I mean, this is America, bro. | ||
| A giant picture of me. | ||
| Fuck an eagle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is America. | ||
| What you are in that picture. | ||
| Go to my Instagram. | ||
| Look at that picture. | ||
| Because you can see the window of my old apartment. | ||
| Look at that picture. | ||
| That's one of my favorite pictures of all time. | ||
| Look at that fucking picture, man. | ||
| You're so happy. | ||
| You did it. | ||
| That's officially you did it. | ||
| Was that last night, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Oh. | ||
| I mean, if you go off the wall crazy and jump off a fucking building... | ||
| Yeah, I had a billboard in my... | ||
| You did it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's pretty... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've gotten so much... | ||
| People are so much more excited about this than the show or the special. | ||
| Well, the show's awesome. | ||
| You know, the show's awesome. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| But there's something so nutty about the visual of that billboard above your old apartment. | ||
| The fact that it's right there is so goddamn crazy. | ||
| That's your fucking apartment! | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Where my head is sticking out. | ||
| That's my bedroom window. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is insane. | |
| This is like some real weird simulation shit thing. | ||
| That's so fucking weird. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, in a movie you'd be like, no fucking way. | ||
| I've never been happier for someone else... | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| ...than watching this happen to you. | ||
| I've never been happier. | ||
| It's amazing to see, dude. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| It's so fucking cool. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| That doesn't even seem like... | ||
| Again, if that was in a movie, he'd be like, come on. | ||
| They'd put a fucking billboard right next to his apartment. | ||
| He'd be like, no way, man. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Make it down the street. | ||
| That would still be something. | ||
| Yeah, and there would be a conspiracy theory. | ||
| Oh, he fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course he told them he wanted the billboard above his old apartment. | |
| Nobody believed. | ||
| It's the Comedy Central billboard. | ||
| They bought it like five years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they've been putting stuff up there. | ||
| By the way, you lived there way before that. | ||
| Oh yeah, way before that. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But man, it sucked also walking under it going like, fuck, Crow Show Billboard. | ||
| I wish I could get one one day. | ||
| That's hard, man. | ||
| But listen, everyone's listening right now. | ||
| Set your DVRs. | ||
| There's two episodes left that is not happening. | ||
| 1230 on Thursday nights. | ||
| Rogan's on this one, and you can see his clip on YouTube right now. | ||
| And set your DVR for... | ||
| Passive aggressive on Friday at midnight because if everybody watches it in DVRs the first time, they'll run it a bunch more. | ||
| So that first time is really important. | ||
| How much do they know about DVRs? | ||
| They get the info? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They get the info when people are recording it? | ||
| Wow, that's interesting. | ||
| So all you freaks out there with weird shit on your DVR. They're playing my other one a lot more now because everybody fucking watched it. | ||
| Thank you guys for fucking watching and DVRing it. | ||
| Once that first one comes in, then they're super happy with it. | ||
| So I wonder if you have something on your DVR and you play it more than once, if they know you're playing it more than once. | ||
| I don't know if it means if you want to watch it for them to register or just DVR it. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Everyone, right now, help me out. | ||
| Just DVR both those things right now. | ||
| What if we found out that if you just DVR and watch it, that that just runs up the number? | ||
| And then we get these Chinese people. | ||
| To sit and watch all day? | ||
| Yeah, you just have, you know, just gigantic rooms full of people with TVs and DVRs and just tell them to keep press repeats. | ||
| Press play. | ||
| And you just have this giant bank of people making like five cents an hour. | ||
| All these Chinese people. | ||
| And they're like, you know, we can program something for you. | ||
| Like, no! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut up! | |
| Work! | ||
| He's mining DVR hits. | ||
| And it just shows, Ari Shafir, the number one television show in human history. | ||
| Everyone with a DVR watches it. | ||
| They're scientifically shown. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Yeah, just keep hitting, hitting, hitting. | ||
| Yeah, run his giant factory, Ari Shafir's sweatshop. | ||
| Wonder how it works. | ||
| Um, so I didn't know if they knew how to check if people record it. | ||
| They do get the numbers like a few days. | ||
| They get the first numbers and they get the second numbers. | ||
| What are the numbers like for like satellite TV? Can they tell how many people are watching what shows and when? | ||
| And people have an issue with that, right? | ||
| People don't want to get labeled. | ||
| They don't want, yeah, so I watch Fox News 23 hours a day. | ||
| It doesn't mean I want to kill the president. | ||
| Right, they don't want to get labeled. | ||
| But here's the problem. | ||
| So I fucking signed into my... | ||
| Something. | ||
| Through a server or something. | ||
| And my YouTube thinks I'm Mexican now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| All the commercials are in Spanish. | ||
| It's always offering me fucking... | ||
| Tacos? | ||
| Pickup trucks, tacos, all that shit, bro. | ||
| It totally thinks I'm Spanish. | ||
| Not like, I'm joking, he thinks I'm Spanish. | ||
| It thinks I live in Mexico. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, or Spain, or something. | ||
| It's only giving me fucking Spanish commercials. | ||
| There's probably a preference settings, isn't there? | ||
| Soboro Gigante? | ||
| Mira Saturday Night? | ||
| I'm getting ads for that all the time. | ||
| After this is over, young Jamie will sort that. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| We gotta log in. | ||
| He'll find out what the fuck is up with it. | ||
| I'm sure there's something you just missed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In your stone stupor. | ||
| It's been cool though, man. | ||
| People show up to my shows now and they're like, I saw the show or I saw your stand-up instead of like... | ||
| And it's nice that people know me from podcasts or The Amazing Race, but it's like, oh, that's what I do. | ||
| That's what I want you to see me from. | ||
| From my stand-up, from preparing and developing material. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they like it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just had to know. | ||
| That's a big thing that's going on right now. | ||
| It's like you just have to know about someone. | ||
| Get the chance to watch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These are really funny guys. | ||
| You just don't know about them. | ||
| But if people knew about them, it's not that the product's not there. | ||
| You don't know about it. | ||
| It's awkward to figure out the delivery device. | ||
| Do you remember the first time when you were a 14-year-old? | ||
| The first time you found out about Saturday Night Live? | ||
| And you were like... | ||
| Because it's made for 14 to 23-year-olds. | ||
| But at the time, it was really great. | ||
| And you're like, I didn't know TV could be this funny. | ||
| This out there. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| But it was just as good the week before you knew about it. | ||
| You just hadn't been made aware. | ||
| And it's this thing you would have loved if you just gave it a chance or just turned it on or just had your mom be out of town so you could stay up late. | ||
| Like you're finding about a new band or something. | ||
| And then you go back and listen to their old stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's always going to be something like that. | ||
| But with stand-up comedy, I think it's kind of important for everybody that's involved in it to keep helping and supporting young comics. | ||
| Keep encouraging young comics. | ||
| Because one of the reasons why stand-up is in a really good place right now is a lot of people that go to comedy clubs and shows are being real successful. | ||
| It's because there's so many funny guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's not that you don't want to be the only one person doing it. | ||
| No, you want to get a full good show. | ||
| Well, you also want a giant industry. | ||
| You want a giant... | ||
| More people go to see comedy. | ||
| They enjoy it. | ||
| It's fun for us. | ||
| Look, Carrot Top never hurt comedy. | ||
| No. | ||
| Carrot Top is not my taste. | ||
| Although, I'll be honest, Carrot Top is my taste. | ||
| It's so fucking silly and dumb. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| It's funny, dude. | ||
| I don't mind Carrot Top at all. | ||
| But whenever we're shitting on Carrot Top, at least it means people are going out to see comedy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And they're like, oh, stand-up is funny. | ||
| And then maybe they'll discover the stuff they're really into. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's way more specific to them. | ||
| Or maybe that's like their speed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| They like Carrot Top, which is funny too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that it's super important that we encourage more people to do it as much as possible. | ||
| Yeah, there's way more regulars at clubs now on the road. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You see people that go like four, five, ten times a year to a comedy club. | ||
| It's a good date. | ||
| It's like a movie, and it's better and more real than a movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go see Segura and Christina and Fulton and me and you. | ||
| If you know that someone that you really think is funny is going to be in town, that's going to be a great time. | ||
| I used to get my friend from DC, Avi Lerner, used to ask me, the DC Improv lineup. | ||
| He'd look at him like, is there anybody I should see? | ||
| I shouldn't see. | ||
| He's like, it's time to go out to a good date, you know? | ||
| And so you'd be like, oh, avoid that guy. | ||
| He's super hacky. | ||
| I don't know these two. | ||
| And that guy's actually pretty good. | ||
| He's like, cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just want to know who the good ones are. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing, because we all know ones that you're stuck listening to some crazy, contrived... | ||
| Yeah, and you're like... | ||
| Oh, I gotta get out of here. | ||
| Or, like, if you're not into those hypnotists, and you go to the Hypnotist Week, and you're like, fuck. | ||
| Why did I go to this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just think it's one of those art forms that needs help from the people that do it. | ||
| And I think the more the people that do it help, the more people do it. | ||
| I'm meeting dudes on the road all the time now that started doing open mic nights. | ||
| Weird, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why it's so weird when Dane Cook says comics stole his essence. | ||
| And it's like, no, Dane, you were a super influential comic. | ||
| Stephen Wright was the same way. | ||
| You brought physical comedy into the mainstream, but people started doing it more. | ||
| Bob Nelson was the last big physical comic, and then all these guys were watching comedy when they were 14, 15 years old, and now it's been 10, 12 years, and they're doing comedy, and you're one of the guys they watch coming up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it's like, yeah, of course, they got into it because of you. | |
| You can't say that. | ||
| And you watch Jim Carrey. | ||
| Yeah, you watch Jim Carrey. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| Everyone, you know, there's that weird line when someone is influenced and when someone is imitating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's the weird line. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like we're all influencing each other. | ||
| And we're all influenced by Pryor. | ||
| Everyone's influenced by Steve Martin. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| Ozzy said he was influenced by the Beatles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when you look at that, you're like, no way. | ||
| But there's something in there that probably, you know, that you can't... | ||
| It's not a straight copy, so you wouldn't think that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it doesn't have to be a copy. | ||
| Influence means it moves you in a certain way. | ||
| I'm influenced by music. | ||
| A lot of songs influence me. | ||
| But they don't influence my words, they don't influence my comedy, but they influence my thinking, my mood. | ||
| Musicians, the way they handle it too, live music, the way the musicians... | ||
| That's why I do a different tour show every year, because of Iron Maiden. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Iron Maiden did that, and I was like, interesting. | ||
| I like the way they close strong. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| You know, you can see the fucking, I don't know, the way that, you know, certain great bands, you're like, oh, that was a good concert. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to mimic that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah, man. | ||
| The few times that I've gone to see Honey Honey live. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I love watching talent. | ||
| Like, Ben and Suzanne from Honey Honey, they're so goddamn talented. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And her voice is just ridiculously good. | ||
| I gotta see them. | ||
| I think they're gonna be at some festival I'm playing. | ||
| Yeah, they're in town right now. | ||
| We're bouncing phone calls back and forth with each other. | ||
| We gotta get together with those guys. | ||
| They're really nice. | ||
| And they're just stupid talented in a way that I don't understand. | ||
| Like, I don't understand, like, music talent. | ||
| I can't sing. | ||
| So when I hear someone sing, I'm like, whoa, that is crazy. | ||
| What are you doing with their voice? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But also, what makes someone command a stage? | ||
| You could have, like, Muse has this giant light show and everything. | ||
| It's that I get, you know? | ||
| Flaming Lips has all this confetti and shit, and that I get. | ||
| But if it's just the people that are just playing the music, and some kill it and some don't, it's like, what's the difference? | ||
| There's been Nico Vega, and we saw her during the Sunset Ship Festival once, and it was like, oh my god! | ||
| They were playing one of the inside stages instead of one of the giant ones, and it's like, she's blowing it out of the water! | ||
| And it's like, how? | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| Just jumping up around a lot. | ||
| Like half of it, all you gotta do is really love what you're doing. | ||
| That's half of it. | ||
| Definitely that's a big part of it. | ||
| Smashing Pumpkins are garbage now. | ||
| Billy Corgan's the only one left in the band. | ||
| He hires an Asian bassist to look like Jimmy Eha, whatever his name is. | ||
| A female guitarist to look like the old... | ||
| And then they just play all their old songs at double speed because he fucking hates them now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He plays only his new stuff at regular speed. | ||
| He changes the lyrics because he's all Jesused out now. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
God is empty, just like you. | |
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What happened? | ||
| Dude, he cleared out the fuck in Columbus. | ||
| He cleared that place. | ||
| He was headlining a festival day. | ||
| Bush killed it during the day. | ||
| It ain't about being old. | ||
| And then people just, by the time I was like, alright, we can leave. | ||
| It was half empty, the place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Courtney Love. | |
| Courtney Love wrecked him. | ||
| Ruined him. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He just doesn't want to play his music. | ||
| Hit him with that super pussy. | ||
| Gotta love what you're doing. | ||
| Hit him with super pussy. | ||
| Yeah, she must have been good. | ||
| She stole his soul. | ||
| Courtney Love must have been. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| She probably still is. | ||
| People got sprung over her. | ||
| Dude, I'll tell you what, man. | ||
| I don't know what influence he had over those whole songs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But some of those songs were fucking good. | ||
| Doll Parts was amazing. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Doll Parts was a very good song. | ||
| And the next album after that, after the one on Doll Parts, which is piece of me, I forget. | ||
| But the next one after that about the stolen water of LA or whatever it was, that was a good album. | ||
| And I think that might have been the Billy Corgan album. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Whoever the fuck was involved, they had some really good fucking songs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, it doesn't matter who she got it from. | ||
| She got it. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Yeah, whoever, whatever the collaboration was. | ||
| But he was involved at some point in time. | ||
| It's sad to see that he's losing his fucking marbles. | ||
| I was trying to get her for my storyteller show. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| We wanted to put a musician on. | ||
| I was like, that wouldn't be bad. | ||
| I bet she'd have a good story or two. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Going nuts. | ||
| Or 20. Or 20. There's people that accuse her. | ||
| They make documentaries accusing her of killing her husband. | ||
| Imagine that? | ||
| Imagine if your husband committed suicide and there's people making documentaries that accuse you of killing him when you know you didn't kill him. | ||
| Can you imagine going through life like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some wacky conspiracy theory? | ||
| Shut up already! | ||
| I've said how I was somewhere else! | ||
| Or, could you imagine if you actually did kill him? | ||
| Yeah, that's what everybody thinks. | ||
| We're doing it, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so evil! | |
| You know, but fuck, man. | ||
| To accuse someone of something like that is so evil. | ||
| It's such a horrible loss. | ||
| He dropped his baby, and that sent him... | ||
| Like, he was already depressed and heroin-ed out, and then dropping her baby on heroin was like, oh, I'm a piece of shit. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And then just, like, blew it off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| That sounds like a good story. | ||
| That's like one of those headless horsemen type stories. | ||
| I heard. | ||
| I heard. | ||
| Who'd you hear that from? | ||
| He was alone. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| If it's midnight in October, and you look up and it's a full moon, you'll see the headless horsemen. | ||
| It's true, bro. | ||
| Dude, my uncle saw it, bro. | ||
| When we were in Utah, we talked to these guys that told us that they saw a bulletproof wolf that appeared out of mist. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Guys had shot at it, and that's how they knew it was bulletproof. | ||
| Because they always hit? | ||
| These motherfuckers are shooting at imaginary wolves in the middle of Utah. | ||
| How good is their meth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's some strong meth. | |
| That was just snow. | ||
| That's some strong meth along with some loneliness. | ||
| You ever want to know what meth feels like? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What heroin feels like? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God. | ||
| And coke. | ||
| I want to know what all that shit feels like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just don't want to do it. | ||
| And have the ill effects of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm not interested in opiates for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I want to take opium in an opium den. | ||
| That's why they killed John Wayne. | ||
| No, it wasn't John Wayne. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| One of those fucking outlaws like Wild Bill Hitchcock or something like that. | ||
| They killed him in an opium den? | ||
| Yeah, well, he just fucked him up. | ||
| He became an opium addict. | ||
| Was it him or was it... | ||
| Who was the guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kevin... | |
| Wyatt Earp. | ||
| I think it was Wyatt Earp. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I think I've heard that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think a lot of those... | ||
| And Doc Holliday was a dentist who gave him the opium. | ||
| Oh, my goodness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of those dudes would visit those... | |
| Wyatt Earp. | ||
| They had the Chinese people who helped build the railroads or basically built the railroads. | ||
| Probably, man. | ||
| You steal a bunch of gold? | ||
| You got a bunch of gold? | ||
| Of course you can get into drugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easy living. | |
| They would sell these opium dens. | ||
| They probably weren't even illegal back then. | ||
| They probably were not illegal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People didn't have the kind of laws they have now. | ||
| Yeah, Wild West? | ||
| Pop wasn't illegal until the 1930s, and psychedelics weren't illegal until 1970. And they used to give cocaine. | ||
| It used to be in Coca-Cola. | ||
| Yeah, can you imagine if you come across some Native Americans? | ||
| You're in the Wild West. | ||
| We're talking about 1810 or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're not violent. | ||
| They take you in. | ||
| They take you to their... | ||
| Their tent, and they want to show you their ways, and they feed you, and they give you this pipe, and you're like, oh, that's this crazy. | ||
| That's the peace pipe. | ||
| That's got the smoke shit in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Are there cops around? | ||
| Is there a sheriff here? | ||
| Because he's going to throw me in jail for this. | ||
| I don't think they smoked opium. | ||
| I think the peace pipe was tobacco. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Just tobacco? | ||
| I thought that was marijuana. | ||
| I don't think so, man. | ||
| When did marijuana start? | ||
| I think marijuana... | ||
| I mean, they probably used it if they knew about it, if they had found it, but I think they used tobacco a lot as well. | ||
| Like, wild tobacco, I think. | ||
| And that would get you high? | ||
| Yeah, tobacco would get you high in a weird way. | ||
| I mean, that's why guys like smoking cigars. | ||
| Find out what the fuck is in the peace pipe there, Jamie. | ||
| There's gotta be some... | ||
| But I don't think it's opium. | ||
| Let me smoke them to peace pipe. | ||
| No, I don't think it was opium. | ||
| I thought it was marijuana. | ||
| Yeah, because opium's not grown in the United States. | ||
| I don't think you can. | ||
| I think it's got to be like South America. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think you can grow it here. | ||
| I think you can grow it in Afghanistan, and I think you can grow it in some climates in South America or something like that, I've heard. | ||
| I have no idea what it is. | ||
| How the fuck can they not grow cocaine in the United States? | ||
| They keep saying they import cocaine in the United States. | ||
| We have these hydroponic fucking gardens everywhere. | ||
| How can you not grow it here? | ||
| There's not really plants that don't grow in certain geographic locations, are there? | ||
| Yeah, but then you could grow them inside. | ||
| And you did, you could manipulate the environment to simulate, like, a South American rainforest. | ||
| Maybe it just wouldn't be as good. | ||
| Like, grapes need to have the sun hitting them most of the day, so they need to be on, like, an incline. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| What is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the plant. | |
| This is the plant? | ||
| Native American smoking product typically made a mixture of various leaves or barks with other plant materials. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So they just smoke bark? | |
| So it was just bark and shit? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Tobacco was originally used primarily by Eastern tribes, but Western tribes often mixed it with other herbs, barks, and plant matter. | ||
| In a preparation commonly known as... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It means... | |
| It means whole of our fathers. | ||
| It means we smoke bark. | ||
| It's one of the only impressions I can do, and I'm sure all the Indians listening are like, that's terrible! | ||
| Well, it's just crazy. | ||
| We still call them Indians. | ||
| It's like the dumbest shit of all time. | ||
| Because they're not. | ||
| They thought they landed in India. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Once you know, they're still using the word. | |
| That's why it's dumb. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| It's not offensive. | ||
| It's offensive to people using it. | ||
| It's offensive to all of us. | ||
| It's offensive to me. | ||
| I grew up playing cowboys and Indians. | ||
| I didn't know I was, you know, saying something really fucking stupid. | ||
| They're not Indian. | ||
| This is Native Americans. | ||
| It was just somebody thought it was somewhere else. | ||
| They're real Americans. | ||
| You don't even call them Native Americans. | ||
| I guess it was named... | ||
| Native. | ||
| I like Native. | ||
| Was it America? | ||
| There was a bunch of disputes about why America was named America. | ||
| But what I had heard... | ||
| Amerigo Vespucci. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I had heard growing up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Fuck yeah, high school. | ||
| He's left one in there. | ||
| Nailed it, son. | ||
| That's what I'd heard growing up, and I didn't even know who the fuck Amerigo Vespucci was until I, like, what? | ||
| This guy? | ||
| I thought Christopher Columbus discovered America. | ||
| Yeah, who was Amerigo Vespucci? | ||
| Yeah, this fucking jackass who snuck in and changed the whole fucking name. | ||
| Yeah, wait a minute. | ||
| Let's hear it. | ||
| America was named after Amerigo Vespucci. | ||
| 15th century. | ||
| 15th century. | ||
| Florentine merchant who owned a business in Seville, Spain, furnishing supplies for ships, preparing them for merchandise. | ||
| Oh, so he didn't even discover it. | ||
| He just, like, supplied Columbus with it. | ||
| So that is absolutely really what it was. | ||
| So the shit that we learned in high school was true. | ||
| But why not call it Amerigo? | ||
| Yeah, it's just weird. | ||
| How about you talk to someone who already lived here? | ||
| What do you guys call it? | ||
| But that's like if somebody names a country after me and calls it Aura. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like, well, fucking name it after me then, bro. | ||
| Yeah, why are you calling it Amerigoland? | ||
| Yeah, Amerigoland's good. | ||
| We're Amerigoland, fuck yeah. | ||
| Why America? | ||
| Because it sounds right. | ||
| Amerigo. | ||
| Amerigo sounds fine. | ||
| America. | ||
| You ever seen when people get really down on America? | ||
| They write the K with a K, like instead of CA. Because they've taken away our rights, shit like that? | ||
| No, because it's like KKK, Ku Klux Klan, America! | ||
| I thought it was a Soviet. | ||
| Nazi fucking feeling to it. | ||
| America! | ||
| Did you see Rick Ross run over that guy? | ||
| Not Rick Ross. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard. | |
| What's his name? | ||
| Suge Knight. | ||
| Suge Knight, the video's out. | ||
| You watched it? | ||
| No, not yet. | ||
| He ran over the guy's head, right? | ||
| Oh, Jamie, please. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, play that. | ||
| I don't want to see this. | ||
| That's your right as a human, but we're going to watch it. | ||
| But it's not playing on TV, right? | ||
| All right, go ahead and play it. | ||
| Fuck, dude. | ||
| This is something I'm not really interested in. | ||
| So what did he do? | ||
| Is it over a fight? | ||
| Shook's truck. | ||
| DMZ, dude. | ||
| Bone. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I think he showed up at their film in the NWA movie. | ||
| Oh, the whole thing shook. | ||
| He wasn't invited. | ||
| The whole thing shook when Bowen got over there. | ||
| The whole car. | ||
| So he shook him? | ||
| Did he shoot? | ||
| Did he yell at each other? | ||
| I don't think any shots were fired. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| He just got run over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right here. | |
| First guy gets hit. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait. | |
| There's more. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Terry. | ||
| That's the guy who died? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Oh no. | ||
| Oh, he ran them over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| He pulled out, ran that... | ||
| Is that guy moving? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is moving. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh no, it's just the... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They said they released it today so that people stopped, like third-party accounts stopped happening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People said, maybe this is what happened, maybe this is what happened. | |
| Like, this is... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Man, that's so hard to watch. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Thanks for forcing me to watch that, you fuck. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| That's what happens when you don't get repercussions. | ||
| You start thinking you can do whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Who was that? | ||
| Who ran him over? | ||
| Shirt Knight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that guy just got killed. | ||
| Killed. | ||
| Run over, like, by the head and then run over again. | ||
| He hit two of them. | ||
| He ran over two guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The second guy is the guy that died. | |
| The first guy did not die? | ||
| He ran that guy over twice with a truck! | ||
| That's so insane, man. | ||
| That's so insane. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| If you could get away with murder, do you think you would do it ever? | ||
| The only time you would ever do it is if someone was trying to attack you or someone was trying to attack someone that you love. | ||
| Fits of rage? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No. | ||
| Jealousy? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Jealousy. | ||
| That's why in that movie, remember when they could tell the future and see who was going to kill? | ||
| What was that called? | ||
| Minority Report? | ||
| The only ones they couldn't catch were fits of rage because they weren't planned at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Right. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| You're not thinking clearly? | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| This guy touched my red truck. | ||
| I've got to run him over! | ||
| When I was a little kid, I saw a lot of violence. | ||
| And it was very uncomfortable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, a lot of domestic abuse violence. | ||
| So... | ||
| I'm the last person that could ever get involved in that kind of shit. | ||
| I'm not interested in fighting. | ||
| Especially with somebody I care about, I'm not interested in it. | ||
| No, no, you're not hearing what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm saying you get away with it. | ||
| I wouldn't do it. | ||
| That's not an option. | ||
| The only reason why I would do it is if someone was trying to attack me. | ||
| I wouldn't be the person that attacked them. | ||
| The only way I would ever attack someone is if I thought that my life was in danger or my health was in danger or someone else's health or life was in danger. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I would never just hit somebody because I was mad at them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, murder them. | ||
| Erase them. | ||
| Any of those things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I had to do that, I would have already done it. | |
| If that was my path, if I was on that path, even if it was free and legal and you'd get away with it, it changes who you are as a person. | ||
| It changes who you are as a person. | ||
| If you're eliminating people, if you're harming, you're going after people. | ||
| I like how some people say I would never be able to live with myself, and that I disagree with for everybody, because everyone who does it lives with themselves. | ||
| Okay, well, let's say this. | ||
| Ted Bundy. | ||
| What if you found Ted Bundy? | ||
| What if Ted Bundy did that to someone that you knew and killed Oh, yeah, no, I feel terrible. | ||
| And you had a chance to catch him in the act. | ||
| You had to catch him as he was trying to abduct a woman. | ||
| You knew it was Ted Bundy. | ||
| I could kill him. | ||
| I would end that motherfucker so easy. | ||
| You would do that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| If I saw Ted Bundy, like, trying to drag a woman and I knew it was Ted Bundy... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100% I'd kill him. | ||
| He's in jail now, right? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| He's dead. | ||
| They killed him. | ||
| But I would have killed him for sure. | ||
| That's a guy that I wouldn't even think twice. | ||
| If I had a gun, I would shoot him. | ||
| If I had a knife, I would stab him. | ||
| What if he wasn't about to do something, but you knew it was Ted Bundy? | ||
| I'd probably still kill him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he'd probably do something again, though. | ||
| I'd probably confront him, and then he would give me a reason to think that he was dangerous, and then I would try to kill him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Confront him. | |
| Yeah, if you knew that some guy was, if he got away from you, he's addicted to killing women. | ||
| He wouldn't kill that guy? | ||
| If you know for sure it's that guy? | ||
| What about Bill Cosby? | ||
| Would you have stopped him from doing that? | ||
| You need to stop doing this! | ||
| I can't, man, because that's the only time I can get hard is if someone's asleep. | ||
| So I can't stop. | ||
| So what are you gonna do now? | ||
| Could you imagine that conversation? | ||
| Please stop. | ||
| Don't even say it's Bill Cosby. | ||
| Let's just assume it was someone else. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| Let's not attach him to it. | ||
| Whether or not he did or didn't do it. | ||
| Some white guy. | ||
| Some random person. | ||
| If you walked in and some random person had drugged a woman and was busy fucking her body and she didn't even, you know, probably didn't, not only barely knew the guy. | ||
| Would you let him finish? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfft. | |
| I mean, it's already happening. | ||
| You have to answer your own question. | ||
| No. | ||
| You should stop now. | ||
| It would probably be so dangerous to confront the kind of person that's willing to do that. | ||
| This is where it gets dark. | ||
| Whether it's the guy we were talking about before, that comedian fellow or anybody else, some random person. | ||
| The type of person that has the mindset to want to put you in an intoxicated state, like a drug state so you don't know what happened. | ||
| You wake up and you're like, why am I naked? | ||
| Like, what's going on? | ||
| And he thinks that's funny or he thinks that's acceptable or he can live with that and he can do it again and again and again like he's done it many, many times before. | ||
| There's a dehumanizing effect to that that's terrifying. | ||
| It's not just sexual. | ||
| There's a dehumanizing thing of you deciding to shut someone's consciousness off and then do what you would with their body. | ||
| Wow, it's so crazy. | ||
| Dude, it is beyond creepy. | ||
| It is terrifying. | ||
| So how do you get that? | ||
| How do you get that as your affliction that you need to do that? | ||
| You would have to talk to someone far smarter than me. | ||
| And I could speculate all day and I'm sure I have. | ||
| I remember that one guy in that show, whatever that, what they call it, child molesters? | ||
| Yeah, catch a predator? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But one guy was so resigned, I could tell he was so resigned to him being this way, that he was like, once he came out, it's like, do you know where we're here? | ||
| He's like, oh. | ||
| He goes, just get the cops so they can lock me up and execute me already. | ||
| He was talking about that he couldn't change and he knew he couldn't change so he needed someone to catch him. | ||
| He needed to be stopped. | ||
| He knew it. | ||
| So terrifying. | ||
| It's terrifying and the fact that you'll talk to women and they'll tell you that they've been drugged. | ||
| I've talked to a bunch of different girls that have been drugged. | ||
| You'll hear them talking about it or you'll be talking about it and someone will come over. | ||
| That happened to me. | ||
| Did you hear constantly talking to Larry King? | ||
| No. | ||
| Jamie. | ||
| You talked to Larry King recently? | ||
| Larry King? | ||
| No. | ||
| A long time ago about Spanish fly. | ||
| Oh yes, I did hear that. | ||
| Yeah, that was disturbing. | ||
| Now looking back, it's so disturbing. | ||
| And Larry King's trying to giggle along like he's like, I don't want to fuck up the interview, but like, what? | ||
| He's talking about giving them drugs that make them horny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a Spanish fly. | ||
| Yeah, listen, don't dose people. | ||
| Don't dose people. | ||
| That's just a standard rule. | ||
| But Joey Diaz is dose people, and I've always thought it was hilarious. | ||
| Let them take whatever they want. | ||
| Dude, Joey Diaz now, with these stars, that are 100 milligrams or 125. So I'm like, how much are they for real? | ||
| And he goes, yeah, it's like $50, $25 or $50. | ||
| And I was like, really? | ||
| So I get there, and I see it says $25. | ||
| I was like, okay, but something's fishy. | ||
| Just like these Bill Cosby people. | ||
| They knew something was up. | ||
| These girls were like, wait, what? | ||
| You have a cappuccino machine in your bedroom? | ||
| What? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| And they knew something was up, but they couldn't stop it. | ||
| And Joey Diaz, something looked fishy on the label. | ||
| And I asked him later, I'm like, what's up with that label? | ||
| He just took other labels and put it over the fucking 125 milligram label. | ||
| And I ate two of those motherfuckers. | ||
| He dosed you. | ||
| He toasts everybody! | ||
| Why did he do that? | ||
| He thought it'd be funny, and he was right. | ||
| And he was right. | ||
| He knows that he knew I could handle it, whether or not I needed to or not. | ||
| Also, he wasn't intent on raping you. | ||
| No. | ||
| And he did let you know that you were going to be taking on marijuana. | ||
| He just didn't let you know that it was way stronger than it really is. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| Alex Jones, when he's giving him a cookie at one of those UFCs, and Alex Jones is like, what's in this cookie? | ||
| He goes, you know what the fuck is in the cookie? | ||
| Eat the fucking cookie! | ||
| He's like mad. | ||
| Like, I'm holding this fucking cookie. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That was a fun weekend. | ||
| That was a great weekend. | ||
| We partied with Alex Jones all weekend at a UFC. He came to the comedy show. | ||
| He came and hung out. | ||
| Is that in Vegas? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's been to a bunch of comedy shows. | ||
| He was at my most recent one in Austin. | ||
| Yeah, that was fucking cool as shit. | ||
| Steve Simone says thank you again for those hooking up. | ||
| They're right behind ringside. | ||
| I've seen him smile. | ||
| I have a big smile on his face. | ||
| Extra frosty. | ||
| Yeah, it's great, man. | ||
| Sitting back there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's amazing. | |
| So fun. | ||
| That place is awesome. | ||
| Even if it is just girl fights. | ||
| It's just girl fights, he says. | ||
| I'm not interested. | ||
| You're not interested in girls fighting? | ||
| Until she loses a round, then it's just an exhibition. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like that exhibition. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| She's like in this Roy Jones Jr. in his prime state. | ||
| Roy Jones Jr. in his prime was just fucking everybody up. | ||
| He was putting his hands behind his back and knocking dudes out. | ||
| He was knocking guys like Virgil Hill out with a body shot. | ||
| Everybody was like, God damn Roy Jones. | ||
| Who's Virgil Hill? | ||
| Is he the guy who took care of Macho Man Randy Savage? | ||
| No. | ||
| He was, I forget, he might have been an Olympic gold medalist, but I believe he was an Olympic boxer, and he was also a light heavyweight champion. | ||
| And, yeah, this is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Anyway, he, I believe it was Virgil Hill, he fought Roy Jones, and Roy Jones hit him with this fucking body shot that was just ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whap! | |
| Really? | ||
| Just cracked him to the body. | ||
| You see him just crumple. | ||
| On a body shot. | ||
| Yeah, he was a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, he won a silver medal in the Olympic Games in 1984. Olympic box is always super thin, right? | ||
| Those heavyweights aren't heavyweights. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| I mean, look, was an Olympian. | ||
| Briddick Bowe was an Olympian. | ||
| They were big guys. | ||
| But didn't they get bigger later or no? | ||
| Here's Roy Jones Jr. Fighting Virgil. | ||
| And Virgil was like a real high-level fighter at the time, man. | ||
| World champion, Virgil's in the black pants. | ||
| Boom, look at this body shot. | ||
| Oh, he holds it. | ||
| Son, you know how hard it is to knock a guy out on the left side of his body? | ||
| He hit him with a right hand to the body. | ||
| Usually it's a left. | ||
| The reason being, it's not usually, but it's hard to knock a guy out with a right hand. | ||
| Because, look, he got him in the floating rib. | ||
| He got him in the floating rib. | ||
| He probably broke his rib. | ||
| It's usually on the left side because the left side is where the liver is. | ||
| It seems so weird for someone to go down. | ||
| Like, now that I've been watching UFC, someone going down like that and then no one jumping on him. | ||
| Yeah, exactly, right? | ||
| It just seems so strange. | ||
| He's holding his side, and you're like, why is this fight still going in the fight? | ||
| Well, you always see dudes throwing left hooks to the body, because from the left side, like if you're attacking, that side of the body that you're going to hit, which is his right side, is where the liver is. | ||
| So Roy Jones knocked him out with a body shot on the opposite side that you usually see. | ||
| You usually get either in the solar plexus or the liver, but he hits so goddamn hard and he was so fast. | ||
| But the point is, like, that's where Ronda is. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| She's just fucking everybody up. | ||
| She's just fucking everybody up. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like when I saw Anderson in his prime, and people call him the greatest of all time, but his prime, he was fucking up guys that were like, I could see winning a title if not for him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like Rich Franklin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Rich Franklin was the world champion when he fucked him up. | ||
| So it's like, I don't know, when I see the 11th ranked fighter in the world at 5-5, it's like, what? | ||
| What are you talking about here? | ||
| Well, it's a growing sport. | ||
| Not to take away from the rest of the fucking weight class. | ||
| It's a growing sport. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Women's MMA is like men's MMA in 2000. Or maybe even before then. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, it's still growing. | ||
| I mean, the UFC was started in 94. It became mainstream in like 2005. Yeah, I think it'll be good for like girls training now. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like the 16-year-olds like, you know what? | ||
| I want to do MMA. And then in eight years, they'll be legitimate contenders for titles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But like... | ||
| Setting it up for later fucking Star Wars episode one. | ||
| Yeah, but it's interesting man because she's not gonna keep going forever There's gonna someone's gonna come along like they always come along like someone catch up with her eventually If she keeps fighting into her 30s for sure right now, she's in her prime Yeah, but if she keeps fighting, you know if cyborg can figure out a way to get down to 135 that could be fucking interesting But she showed a photo of herself the other day on a scale and she said 175 Cyborg? | ||
| Yeah, like a couple days after her fight 175, that's what I should weigh. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I mean, I don't know if that's like to try to get people to be sympathetic about the fact that if you want to get that fight with Ron to go, make her fight at 45. But get the fuck out of here with that. | ||
| 175? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How tall is she? | ||
| I bet she's probably about 5'8". | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I'm 175, I'm in the middle of my BMI. I'm like where I should be, not thin or big. | ||
| That's 6'3". | ||
| Yeah, she is a thick woman. | ||
| Let me see how tall she is. | ||
| 5'8", yeah. | ||
| She's 5'8". | ||
| Yep, see? | ||
| There's her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
175. 175. God, her toes look tough. | |
| Fucking bruised up. | ||
| Somebody's lips in Chicago in the winter. | ||
| Look at all the things you should see. | ||
| Look at the right foot with the scar. | ||
| That's probably from someone's fucking teeth. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| She should probably kick someone's teeth in with that foot. | ||
| She's badass, man. | ||
| Say what you will about her prior substance use. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I won't say anything. | |
| I'm just talking about those fucking feet. | ||
| The finished product of Chris Cyborg. | ||
| She's got Jesus written on the side of him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what it says? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Yeah, it looks like Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, that's the one she wants to knock you out with. | ||
| She knocks you out with Jesus. | ||
| Oh, she's got hairy knuckles! | ||
| Maybe it's just... | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I don't see any hair. | ||
| It's just freckles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| She's a tough chick. | ||
| But that's the one out there. | ||
| Close up of a toast. | ||
| That's the one out there that's like, that's the big money. | ||
| Yeah, alright. | ||
| If she loses a round in that, then I'll start watching female MMA. Well, this is what I think. | ||
| I think the UFC should have a 145-pound women's division. | ||
| So, see, like, I know about Cyborg, and a lot of other people know about Cyborg, but most people have no idea. | ||
| Like, people that are just UFC fans. | ||
| Yeah, so they have 35 and 25, and that's it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, they have 35 and 115. And 115, okay. | ||
| And 115 is the one that is, uh, this weekend, uh, Johanna Jenjacek is, uh, fighting Carlo Esparza, Carlo Esparza. | ||
| And that's, um, that's for the strawweight title. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Strawweight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love those fucking light guys fighting. | ||
| Yo, these girls are badass too. | ||
| They move quicker. | ||
| And the chick, Johanna Yenjecek, is a Muay Thai world champion, elite striking skills. | ||
| Carl is a real tough wrestler. | ||
| It's going to be a really interesting fight. | ||
| But my thing is, I think that 145, they have a 145 in Invicta, which is something that the UFC owns. | ||
| Invicta is... | ||
| So bring them up. | ||
| Maybe they own it or they're part of it. | ||
| I don't know if the UFC bought it. | ||
| Somehow or another, they're working together. | ||
| I believe the UFC bought it. | ||
| I don't pay attention to this shit. | ||
| I should probably. | ||
| It's part of my job. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But that's not neither here nor there. | ||
| What's important is they have all women fights. | ||
| They have a lot of fighters. | ||
| It's like, just bring them over to the UFC. Let's just bring them over, man. | ||
| Bring 145 over. | ||
| Let them fight in the UFC. And then if Ronda wants to move up, let her move up. | ||
| Well, then not only that, people will be calling for it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because right now they're not calling for it because they don't know. | ||
| Like, I would say, yeah, it's interesting. | ||
| Do I understand why Ronda would want a fighter at 135? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah, that's a smart thing to do. | ||
| You're gonna fight a fucking wrecking machine. | ||
| She's big, and she knocks bitches out. | ||
| She knocks chicks out in a way that very few fighters knock people out. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, she puts it on, girls. | ||
| She puts it on, girls. | ||
| She's scary. | ||
| She's scary. | ||
| Everyone should be scared of her. | ||
| They all should be scared, especially if you're fighting with her. | ||
| Even Tiger Woods in his prime, when he went eight, ten tournaments a year, it's like he was losing 15 tournaments a year. | ||
| He was at some point challenged. | ||
| Well, yeah, obviously that's different, though. | ||
| Tyson, too. | ||
| It's like he was beating guys that were like, Tyson was those 20-second fights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| In the beginning, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, but he was beating guys that had belts that were like legit. | ||
| Like, I've heard of this guy before. | ||
| I knew Leon Spinks. | ||
| I had heard of him for years. | ||
| Well, he fought his brother. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Michael Spinks. | ||
| Michael Spinks, yeah. | ||
| But yeah, he knocked him out in like 90 seconds. | ||
| It was a destruction. | ||
| He just ran through him. | ||
| Michael Spinks was a legit world champ. | ||
| Beat Larry Holmes. | ||
| Yeah, and then it was like, you're beating those guys. | ||
| He knocked Larry Holmes out, man. | ||
| Larry was past his prime. | ||
| I want to say Larry's in his late 30s. | ||
| Could Tyson come back now and fight? | ||
| No, I think he's too old now. | ||
| He's older than me. | ||
| I'm 47. I think he's 48 or 49. Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was... | ||
| I mean, people... | ||
| I didn't have... | ||
| I mean, no, actually Jordan. | ||
| But the way people talked about when Mike Tyson was fighting, it was like everyone stopped what they were doing. | ||
| You know, it was like Mike Tyson's coming up. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| People just talk about it. | ||
| You've seen that documentary, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| You haven't seen the Tyson documentary? | ||
| No. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, he tells his life story. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| And that's how they decided to do this one-man show. | ||
| Which I think Spike Lee produces it, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they do this one-man show and Tyson, he's killing them all over the world with this show. | ||
| Oh, he's doing it, traveling and doing it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he did it in... | ||
| Like Raging Bull? | ||
| Was it in LA or in Vegas? | ||
| Yeah, he did in LA. He did in LA for a while? | ||
| Or at least he did it once. | ||
| And it shows up places and you do a run in a theater. | ||
| And it's good. | ||
| Oh yeah, people love it, man. | ||
| People love it. | ||
| His story is incredible. | ||
| He's growing up in the streets like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Raising pigeons? | ||
| They talk about the pigeons? | ||
| I forgot about the pigeons. | ||
| I don't know how much they talked about the pigeons. | ||
| I love those pigeons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's been a few years. | |
| It's on HBO right now, the Tyson documentary. | ||
| See if you can find Mike Tyson talking about what was going through his mind when he's walking to the ring. | ||
| Because there's this one thing where he was talking about what it was like when he was in his prime. | ||
| Walking to the ring? | ||
| And he was describing what was going through his mind. | ||
| Like all his nerves and apprehension and all these different things and how they would evaporate as he would slowly but surely get closer and closer to the ring. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then when he stepped in through it, he goes, once I step into that rope, I am a god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And I was like, oh my god. | ||
| Like, when he says that, like, I'm a god. | ||
| Like, that was what's going through his mind. | ||
| Like, he... | ||
| Get to that level from, like, start to finish? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He would just ramp himself up, and then once he got in there and he looked at his opponent, he just knew he was just gonna smash them. | ||
| Like Ghostbusters. | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| Are you a god? | ||
| No? | ||
| Then die! | ||
| I just saw it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
no way i could remember that's in the commission was going to be a fan pretty much intimidated he lost the fight before the m_-day what's that and then and i'm on the scoundrel reading that and i'd be to get psychologically if i'm in the ring with them from the commentator as well as come to the room below No, stop it. | |
| That's not true. | ||
| While I'm in the dressing room, five minutes before I come out, my gloves are laced up. | ||
| I'm breaking my gloves down. | ||
| I'm pushing the lever on the back of my gloves. | ||
| I'm breaking the middle of the gloves for my knuckle to pierce through the leg. | ||
| I feel my knuckle piercing against the tight leather gloves on the Everlast boxing gloves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When I come out, I have supreme confidence. | |
| I'm scared to death. | ||
| I'm totally afraid. | ||
| I'm afraid of everything. | ||
| I'm afraid of losing. | ||
| I'm afraid of being humiliated. | ||
| But I'm totally confident. | ||
| The closer I get to the ring, the more confidence I get. | ||
| The closer, the more confidence I get. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The closer, the more confidence I get. | |
| All during my training, I've been afraid of this man. | ||
| I thought this man might be capable of beating me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've dreamed of him beating me. | |
| But I always stayed afraid of him. | ||
| But the closer I get to the ring, I'm more confident. | ||
| Once I'm in the ring, I'm a god. | ||
| No one can beat me. | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I walk around the arena, but I never take my eyes off my opponent. | |
| I keep my eyes on him, even if he's ready and pumping. | ||
| He can't wait to get his hands on me as well. | ||
| I keep my eyes on him. | ||
| Then once I see a chink in his arm, boom! | ||
| One of his eyes may move, and then I know I have him. | ||
| Then when he comes to the center of the ring, he still looks at me with his piercing look, as if he's not afraid. | ||
| But he already made that mistake when he looked down for that one-tenth of a second. | ||
| I know I had him. | ||
| He'll fight hard for the first two or three rounds. | ||
| I know I already broke his spirit. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| Wow, he's on the ground, Arjun! | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Wow, that was cool. | ||
| When he was at his best. | ||
| I like that, train in fear of this guy beating you so you train harder. | ||
| That's what comics need. | ||
| You need confidence when you're on stage, but lack of confidence every other moment. | ||
| Complete like you suck get better you suck get better You definitely can't have a distorted perception if you start being a conference you won't get better Well, it's the one thing that we all despise is a comic who's not Doing well, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, everybody despises. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| Like really you're saying that out loud. | ||
| That was great We just saw you bomb you gotta admit you bombed otherwise we can't talk cuz when I bomb I'm gonna tell you I just ate fucking fat dick up there Like fuck like remember you called me you tell me you had a bad set in London we talked about it like that shit happens man such a bad set devastating that's fucking devastating so if someone pretends that it's not like we can't talk now now we can't talk because now you're not being real do you always win? | ||
| I'm trying to open up and be cool and you're like not Every time you win, you win everything, you're the best ever. | ||
| I was always the best. | ||
| I always had gold medal. | ||
| From the time I was a baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gold medal. | |
| Number one in class. | ||
| Number one with gym. | ||
| Number one football. | ||
| It's my pick of sports. | ||
| I'm number one. | ||
| Tyson was amazing. | ||
| Jesus, that was so cool. | ||
| It's a great moment in time. | ||
| What he's thinking of as he comes to the... | ||
| And that reminds me of what you were thinking of when you were walking through that hotel fire in San Francisco, which you can see right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This Thursday night, live, on Comedy Central! | |
| If you want to see these old stories, they're on demand, but they're also on YouTube. | ||
| If you go to the This Is Not Happening playlist, you can see all of them. | ||
| This year and the last season, the one before that, Rogan has got another story, too, from last year. | ||
| That's a better one, quite honestly. | ||
| You think so? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| All right, nice. | ||
| Well, look at that one, too. | ||
| The stripper's a better one. | ||
| The stripper ones, too. | ||
| It's a true story, too. | ||
| I like how you worked on this one and made it better, though. | ||
| I made it better, but it's just not as good. | ||
| The hotel fire one. | ||
| It's just the stripper story is just so good. | ||
| I remember that bitch. | ||
| I still, to this day, think about her. | ||
| She was so crazy. | ||
| To this day, I almost wish I could find a way to barely stay in touch with her, just We'll hear her talk. | ||
| That story, too. | ||
| You're like, I don't know. | ||
| I don't do stories, man. | ||
| I don't have any stories. | ||
| I'm like, you have one that's amazing. | ||
| What about that one? | ||
| I'm seeing you tell it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I forgot about it. | ||
| I forgot about that story. | ||
| Almost a million views now. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks. | |
| To see you go from, you know, those early days where you're trying to become a paid regular to struggling to see you now where you're balling out of control. | ||
| Feels great. | ||
| Trying to talk you into buying a luxury automobile. | ||
| It's not gonna happen. | ||
| You fucking frugal bastard. | ||
| It's not I'm leaving LA. I'm not going to have a car for the next 10 months. | ||
| Even more baller. | ||
| Garage that shit. | ||
| And put a cardboard cutout of you with your cock hanging out and leave it there to guard it. | ||
| That's where I'll put a for sale sign in, which is a big dick. | ||
| That's the price. | ||
| For sale on your dick. | ||
| I don't need money anymore. | ||
| I was poor for too long, so now I'm content with very little. | ||
| That's nice, but you're gonna get used to, like, what do I do with this money? | ||
| I'm gonna have to start buying some shit, otherwise it's stupid to have money. | ||
| And then you're gonna, you know, I need a car. | ||
| And we're gonna go, get a car. | ||
| Come on, get a car. | ||
| I'm just gonna get something like a Prius or something that's good on gas, and someone will talk you into a BMW or something. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And you'll be corrupted like Duncan. | ||
| Duncan's corrupted. | ||
| He's got a nice black Mercedes-Benz. | ||
| Yeah, Duncan's corrupted. | ||
| I fucking love it, man! | ||
| Now I get it! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I always told them. | ||
| Duncan lives large. | ||
| He's got a tangerine tree in his backyard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, tangerines. | |
| That are delicious. | ||
| Homegrown fruit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder how pollution affects, like, plants that you eat. | ||
| Like, when you grow a garden and you're in Silver Lake, you're dealing with some fucking... | ||
| Isn't it the water, too? | ||
| Because someone's like, you gotta wash the outside. | ||
| But I'm like, but it's the inside. | ||
| It's drinking the polluted water and putting that into the fruit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it depends. | ||
| I mean, most people, I think in California, if you have a fruit tree, you probably have to have some sort of irrigation system going on to water it, too. | ||
| You're probably watering it from tap water. | ||
| Yeah, but if that picks up all the pollution, not pollution, all the fucking insecticides, Well, that's not... | ||
| The water that comes out of your faucet definitely doesn't have insecticides. | ||
| You think there's insecticides on his plants? | ||
| Like the fruit plants? | ||
| He's not putting any sprays on his plants. | ||
| Oh, no, not Duncan. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm saying someone who grows fruit or vegetables or anything in their house in Silver Lake. | ||
| If you're living in a place that... | ||
| L.A. is polluted. | ||
| There's nowhere around it. | ||
| It's definitely not being in the mountains. | ||
| So is that in the tangerines, too? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What happens there? | ||
| If the tangerines are breathing the air... | ||
| It feeds it. | ||
| The tree feeds it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The trees scrub more pollution. | ||
| Yeah, we know that, right, because they eat carbon dioxide. | ||
| It turns it into something. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Converts them to less harmful compounds. | ||
| Less harmful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not even not harmful. | ||
| Less harmful. | ||
| What is it saying? | ||
| It absorbs pollutants and turns those into less harmful. | ||
| So it absorbs that and also creates oxygen. | ||
| I'm not saying fuck trees. | ||
| You need trees. | ||
| But my point is, what happens to the fruit? | ||
| Does the fruit get pollution in it? | ||
| I feel like it would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's good to have trees if you live in a shithole. | ||
| Science with Joe and Ari! | ||
| We don't know shit. | ||
| I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think we're high. | |
| Yeah, it seems like it would be better to have something growing where there's not cars driving by every day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're going to eat it, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, probably not. | ||
| It's probably fucking terrible for you. | ||
| It's probably less good for you. | ||
| It was such a sweet. | ||
| Me and Simone ate one before we went to the UFC. It was so good. | ||
| If you could compare that to a tangerine grown... | ||
| Fresh off the tree, though, it was extra sweet. | ||
| It was still getting nutrients. | ||
| It was still being shaken while we were fucking peeling it, pretty much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| It's nice to have. | ||
| I used to have a fucking plum tree and it died, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it just got old. | ||
| I had it for a long time. | ||
| It bared a lot of fruit. | ||
| It bared, like, the most fruit, like, the last couple years before it petered out. | ||
| Like, it's almost like this is its last... | ||
| Was it good the last few years? | ||
| Oh, so good. | ||
| But it was his last 4th of July, you know, grand finale. | ||
| Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. | ||
| And then one year. | ||
| I think the fireworks over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, they're not over! | |
| They're even better! | ||
| And then done. | ||
| One year, it just stopped growing fruit. | ||
| And I was like, man, is there something wrong with the irrigation? | ||
| We checked and it just got old. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, apparently some fruit trees just get old and they don't make fruit anymore. | ||
| Like people? | ||
| Just like people. | ||
| I don't know what the year was. | ||
| I wonder how long the fucking thing had been there. | ||
| I had assumed that whoever had made the house had put it there. | ||
| But I think that some people get them like planted as full trees. | ||
| Like my neighbor, he grew a fucking orchard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Orchard? | |
| He built one in his front yard. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, it looks really cool. | ||
| He's got like 20 trees out there. | ||
| Oh, a bunch of trees. | ||
| Yeah, he's got like 20 of them and he installed them all like as full-grown trees. | ||
| So it blocks a view from the street? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I mean, not really. | ||
| It's on the side of his house. | ||
| That's pretty cool, though. | ||
| But it's a pretty big lot, and he grows fruit. | ||
| I played Farmville. | ||
| I know what time it is. | ||
| You do play Farmville. | ||
| I did. | ||
| I do not anymore. | ||
| That's one of the things that is not up-to-date on the flip phone. | ||
| It's their Farmville game is weak. | ||
| Well, let's talk about this. | ||
| In trying this thing where you've abandoned society and everything's good. | ||
| Not abandoned society. | ||
| I've gotten off the train. | ||
| I'm not off the grid. | ||
| And leaving the iPhone slash Android wonderland of apps and videos and images. | ||
| It's been two and a half months now. | ||
| To go back to a fucking skanky little flip phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ridiculous little thing that sucks at texting. | ||
| How much better is your texting got? | ||
| It's gotten better. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I want to get one where it's like the sidekick where you flip it open, but too many of those have apps that come standard with it. | ||
| What happens when people send you links? | ||
| I see the link and I have to email it to myself, to my computer, so then I can look at it. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| How do you do it? | ||
| There's no other way. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Now, has this fucked with you business-wise at all? | ||
| AriShaffir.ComedyDirect.com Yeah. | ||
| Everyone go there for my special. | ||
| AriShaffir.ComedyDirect.com Has it fucked with business at all? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| If there was any time where I thought maybe I won't be able to handle this, it's while I had a premiere of my... | ||
| Paid regular special in January, the show, the entire run of the show, which has only two weeks left, and passive-aggressive, my other special, that would be the time when I wouldn't be able to handle it. | ||
| And I'm getting by. | ||
| So I gotta think, in a month or two, it's gonna be a breeze. | ||
| Pluses to minuses. | ||
| Okay, let's do minuses first. | ||
| Let's do minuses. | ||
| I have to text to Twitter. | ||
| Oh, good lord. | ||
| Yeah, and the text is T9, so is that the word, T9, for that? | ||
| Yeah, so it takes a while, so you've got to really have in your mind what you want to tweet. | ||
| And when I started tweeting, I went to the old, it was my contacts, it was Twitter, I was like, oh, I think it's 40404, I think that's what it is. | ||
| And I sent a tweet, like he used to, he used to send it by text. | ||
| And then they emailed me saying, I think you've been hacked. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Unless you meant to text a tweet out. | ||
| Which, by the way, when you're at the UFC and there's no data because everyone's sharing data, that's a little trick. | ||
| Text a tweet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah, you can get shit out. | ||
| You can't check everything, but you can text something out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Pictures are harder. | ||
| I think you've got to include a subject line or something. | ||
| But anyway, that's difficult, but I can get it done. | ||
| But the pro on the same side as that is that I cannot check any twit responses. | ||
| That's pro? | ||
| Total pro. | ||
| In terms of giving me my time back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Total pro. | |
| I can't check it, so why even get lost in doing it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was that the thing? | |
| Tweet responses? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That was one of the big ones. | ||
| When I was in an elevator and the doors closed. | ||
| Well... | ||
| Come on! | ||
| Here's a negative. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| There's an Amber Alert in San Pedro, California. | ||
| And you get it on your phone? | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| It's because all old ladies have those. | ||
| They love that shit. | ||
| I didn't know about that. | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Old people... | |
| What if I'm in a meeting? | ||
| Old people love those fucking phones. | ||
| Well, I'll just fucking pass it along. | ||
| It's a great Nissan Altima 2006. California plates. | ||
| LIC... Oh, I don't know what LIC is. | ||
| Dash 5UCF010. If you see him... | ||
| Stop him. | ||
| Don't wait for the cops. | ||
| Yeah, treat him like you would Ted Bundy. | ||
| Call it in, but then proceed. | ||
| No, don't listen to us. | ||
| Listen, we're joking. | ||
| Call it in and follow that motherfucker. | ||
| You got a cell phone. | ||
| This is why. | ||
| Listen to his story first. | ||
| He might have a point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Listen to his story. | ||
| Sometimes when they go Amber Alert and they go, his father abducted him, I'm like, mm, the citizen is cutting dry then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| There was a terrible story about a woman who is getting arrested. | ||
| She's taking her kid away, her four-year-old, like her and her husband are in some sort of a custody battle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she took the four-year-old away because he was getting circumcised. | ||
| They wanted to get him circumcised. | ||
| Oh, and she said, no fucking way. | ||
| And she was like, no fucking way. | ||
| And so they arrested her. | ||
| And it's this crazy story. | ||
| And I see people that are pro and con and people duking it out over the subject. | ||
| But that's not as cut and dry as an abduction. | ||
| No. | ||
| Like, you're still with a parent. | ||
| It's just not the weekend. | ||
| But they're still, like, they were threatening her with jail. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, you know, she was on the run. | ||
| She was like a fugitive. | ||
| I mean, you can't do that, but I would say let the cops handle that. | ||
| You can't cut a kid's fucking dick either. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| What is that nonsense? | ||
| What is that nonsense? | ||
| I don't want to hear any of this that prevents AIDS. Shut the fuck up. | ||
| That is not preventing any AIDS. No matter what propaganda they throw your way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dirty dicks. | |
| So does girls shaving their vaginas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, prevents AIDS. Prevents AIDS. Because it's less chafing. | |
| Shave those buses. | ||
| Listen, that's not the way to prevent AIDS, you fucking geniuses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| How else? | ||
| Wear a condom? | ||
| Come on, be realistic. | ||
| I'm talking to people out there that think they should cut their kid's dick to make them not get AIDS. That's not why people are doing it. | ||
| They're probably going to get AIDS anyway. | ||
| Most guys don't get it from their deck. | ||
| I'm just wanna let you know they get it from somebody else's Here's another negative Instagram is unusable. | ||
| I can do pictures only from my laptop. | ||
| I figured out a hack to do it. | ||
| I don't know that hack. | ||
| Tell me after this. | ||
| I think it's Growler or something like that. | ||
| It's a service. | ||
| Just Google it, but yeah. | ||
| Service. | ||
| So there's that, and you can't really check all your responses that much. | ||
| But that's good, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| You could definitely get caught up in too much interaction. | ||
| You told me something when I was doing this, and you said something that I've quoted to people when you were like, well, I couldn't live without Instagram. | ||
| And my thought was, you did seven months ago. | ||
| You lived without Instagram. | ||
| As of the time you told me that. | ||
| So it's like, the ideas of what we can and can't live without is like, distorted. | ||
| I told you that I couldn't live without Instagram? | ||
| You were half joking, but the idea of that... | ||
| I was definitely joking. | ||
| I mean, of course you could live without it. | ||
| That would be the one thing that I would like... | ||
| No, you love Instagram. | ||
| You know what I love about it? | ||
| You could write as much as you want. | ||
| You could write several paragraphs. | ||
| Can't include a link. | ||
| No, you can't include a link. | ||
| But if you have a photograph that has kind of a silly story to it, and it's kind of funny, or if you have something that means something to you, you could actually... | ||
| Fill out as long as you want. | ||
| People can read it or not read it. | ||
| Sort of like the idea of editing a podcast. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| I'm not editing shit. | ||
| I do a three-hour podcast. | ||
| You listen to it. | ||
| You don't. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I love on Skeptic Tank, when I finish interviewing somebody, he's like, oh, so you're going to chop that down? | ||
| What parts are you getting on? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| Unless I have to. | ||
| Unless you said something incriminating, no. | ||
| Some guys love to do that, though. | ||
| They love to edit them and chop them down and get the right amount. | ||
| That was one of the things that Joey had a problem with, with the young lady that he was doing his last podcast with. | ||
| There was some editing going on. | ||
| He's like, why? | ||
| Just leave it all. | ||
| You can't edit Joey fucking Diaz. | ||
| Yeah, you have to figure out what to do. | ||
| Yeah, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That was the hardest part of this not happening, was getting these stories down to time, but not lose. | ||
| Allow the comics to like, yeah, riff, and we'll take it out if it doesn't work. | ||
| But then at the same time, you've got to have it. | ||
| So like Joey Diaz's story, next week, or this week, he's going to be the last one, and that'll be two act breaks. | ||
| Because I was like, guys, you can lose 30 seconds here, a minute there. | ||
| It's just too big a story. | ||
| But yeah, you can't. | ||
| So there's a commercial in the middle of it. | ||
| How long is it totaled that way? | ||
| What? | ||
| How long is it totaled? | ||
| I think it's like 13 minutes long. | ||
| They're used to having stand-up on TV. It's like seven. | ||
| I'm like, well, this ain't that. | ||
| They're stories. | ||
| This ain't that. | ||
| They go as long as they go. | ||
| Joey's stories are epic. | ||
| For your story, I had to ask them, I was like, listen, I know the act breaks are seven and a half max. | ||
| His story's eight and a half. | ||
| Can you just take the time off another act break? | ||
| And they were like, let us check. | ||
| And they're like, yeah. | ||
| Like, great. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| So you just have to have a certain amount of minutes. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's something that's really interesting, too, because I watched you develop that from doing it the annex room, the little small room with the improv. | ||
| You did it there, on the side stage? | ||
| Yeah, it was just like you were just trying to stretch, just fuck around and see what happens. | ||
| Exactly, see what happens. | ||
| My storytelling's gotten a lot better from doing it for five years. | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| Well, guys like Joey Diaz or guys like Charlie Murphy, how do you think they got so good at telling stories? | ||
| They tell a lot of goddamn stories. | ||
| They've been telling stories forever. | ||
| Charlie Murphy can captivate you with those goddamn stories. | ||
| It's because he's been around dudes that are good at it. | ||
| He picked up how to do it by doing his own stories over and over again. | ||
| You realize the rush you get. | ||
| When Joey's telling a great story and we are howling, laughing, even if it's just the three of us at Five Guys Burger, we're having a great time. | ||
| It might as well be a packed room filled with a thousand people. | ||
| Yeah, that's the theory behind it. | ||
| You've entertained people like this, and you're a comedian, so you're a natural... | ||
| When people say, what do you do, you just talk? | ||
| It's like, yeah, but it's a comedian just talking. | ||
| That's what a podcast is. | ||
| So it's always way funnier. | ||
| A comic telling a story, especially if they're good at it like Joey Diaz? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Joey has some of the most epic stories of all time. | ||
| He has a couple on there if you haven't seen them. | ||
| This Is Not Happening playlist. | ||
| Go to YouTube. | ||
| Just look at all of them. | ||
| How many does he have on your thing? | ||
| He's got two. | ||
| Because I was like, yeah, we're going to have him back the second season. | ||
| And they were like, do you want to have people back that have already done the digital one for TV? And I was like, yeah, Diaz and Big J, of course. | ||
| And Rogan. | ||
| Like, what do you mean? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, we're just gonna do that. | ||
| Like, people have more than one story. | ||
| Isn't it funny, though, that, like, when you're dealing with, like, a giant company now, you're dealing with a bunch of people, you're used to just doing what you want and doing what you think is funny. | ||
| When you do a podcast, when you do anything. | ||
| But, like, When you actually have to cooperate with other people, and you have to have these conversations about the direction of the show, that's all a new thing for you. | ||
| It's very new. | ||
| Being a producer is new as fuck. | ||
| And I don't know how to do it, and I don't know the rules, and you can't tell this person that. | ||
| I'm like, why? | ||
| They have to help me through it. | ||
| But the thing is, as long as you explain to someone with logic what you want to do, then they'll go, oh, okay, sure, we'll do it that way. | ||
| Like when I was editing my special. | ||
| Paid regular. | ||
| Not the one that's coming out on Friday. | ||
| Passive-aggressive. | ||
| Such a DVR. Such a DVR. Friday night. | ||
| 11.59. | ||
| And they were like, oh, we don't like this angle. | ||
| Can you change it? | ||
| And I was like, actually, we used the other shot of that and there's somebody picking their nose right by the stage. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| And so that's why we can't use that shot. | ||
| They go, oh, okay. | ||
| Great. | ||
| So then use the one you want to use then. | ||
| If you just explain to them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, there's no fight, then they're totally cool people. | ||
| Well, this group of people that are running Comedy Central now are awesome. | ||
| Art is friendly. | ||
| That shit about letting you get eight and a half minutes is like a sign of like, cool, you understand. | ||
| Let's update some stuff. | ||
| Let's come into the future a little. | ||
| And they're all cool about it. | ||
| They were great through your show. | ||
| They were great through when I was filming my special. | ||
| They were great when you were filming your special. | ||
| They're just nice people. | ||
| And they enjoy what's going on. | ||
| That's the thing, too. | ||
| They're comedy fans. | ||
| So what they really want is something awesome to come out. | ||
| Give them a plug, Ari. | ||
| Give them a plug. | ||
| Jonas and Ann. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| Nice people. | ||
| Give them a plug. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| They're cool people, too. | ||
| I hang out with them. | ||
| This is a really good time for comedy, man. | ||
| It's a really good time at the store. | ||
| It's a really good time on Comedy Central. | ||
| It's a really good time. | ||
| There's a lot of funny fucking comics. | ||
| We just put up a show tomorrow night. | ||
| What's today? | ||
| Monday? | ||
| Wednesday night. | ||
| It's already sold out. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Sorry, bitches! | ||
| Yeah, Diaz, Brian Callan, Tony Hinchcliffe, Ian Edwards. | ||
| People are calling for me to debate Brendan Shaw on American Sniper. | ||
| That's a good show, though. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You and him debating about American Sniper? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You debating anybody. | ||
| I need to get permission from you to release that video of you disparaging our heroes in front of the Ice House comic book. | ||
| I have no secrets. | ||
| There's no permissions for me. | ||
| I seem to remember that being a very controversial statement. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| On their behalf. | ||
| And I'm not sure you want that out in the public. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| You said it sucked. | ||
| You said it was a shitty fucking movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the thing. | |
| Anybody who wants me to debate, it's like, you know, I'm going to debate the acting. | ||
| I'm not going to debate Chris Kyle in any way. | ||
| I'm going to debate the acting and the storytelling in that movie. | ||
| Hey, bro, bro, you got a fucking, the guy's a hero, bro. | ||
| Yeah, but so what? | ||
| That fucking scene where he met his wife was garbage! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, bro, bro, bro. | |
| Respect. | ||
| Okay, it's about Christopher Columbus and snipers. | ||
| Yeah, you should give respect and shoot that scene more than once, fucking Eastwood, you old man. | ||
| Why don't you and fucking... | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Howard Stern go suck each other off in your old man camp. | ||
| Oh my goodness! | ||
| Oh my goodness! | ||
| Get your wrinkled cocks in each other's mouths and go fucking support shitty comedy again. | ||
| You guys are garbage. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| They've lost it! | ||
| Unforgiven was amazing! | ||
| Let's not take that away from him. | ||
| How old was he when he made Unforgiven? | ||
| That was 15, 20 years ago. | ||
| It was great, and it was a culmination of all the stuff he had done to that point. | ||
| He made a real Western. | ||
| You're upset with Howard Stern because he said that shit about podcasting. | ||
| That's the new thing I'm upset with Howard Stern over. | ||
| It just shows how much he's lost touch. | ||
| Like, that's not the way you become a radio DJ! Stern! | ||
| No one wants to become a radio DJ who's doing podcasts. | ||
| That's not our end goal. | ||
| He might be doing that, though. | ||
| He's a very clever guy. | ||
| He might be doing that just to get people to talk shit. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| He said it's for losers. | ||
| So that means anyone who listens to a podcast and listens to Howard Stern, just so you know, Howard Stern called you a loser for listening to podcasts as well. | ||
| You gotta know how to take it to an act break. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| You can just not go to an act break. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Take it back to the 30s. | ||
| I think he was trying to fuck with people. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| No, I think he doesn't like the, what, are you going to make your pennies? | ||
| And he goes, Corolla shouldn't be in podcasts. | ||
| He should be doing radio. | ||
| It's like, oh, you just don't even know what it is. | ||
| You're commenting on shit. | ||
| You don't even know what it is. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I hear that from a guy like that. | ||
| He's too clever. | ||
| He was too clever. | ||
| I think he's probably, I don't know. | ||
| I think he's probably fucking with people. | ||
| Dude, he fucking does Dancing with the Stars. | ||
| What, is that a prank? | ||
| I don't think it's Dancing with the Stars. | ||
| America's Got Talent? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever. | |
| He likes it. | ||
| Some garbage show. | ||
| He likes it. | ||
| When he talks about it, it genuinely seems like he's enjoying it. | ||
| Giving people the opportunity. | ||
| Some of those people that come out of that show are actually really talented. | ||
| Cool jugglers and stuff? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've never watched it. | ||
| What do you do in that show for? | ||
| Tom Cotter! | ||
| Tom Cotter, stand-up comic. | ||
| He's the guy that I came up with in Boston, way back in the day. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| And you should know, but I don't know Tom Cotter at all. | ||
| But there's no way you're going to defend that show by saying, Tom fucking Cotter. | ||
| He's been fucking shitty since 84! | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| There's no way you're going to say that as an example of something good coming out of that show. | ||
| The fucking cool dancers. | ||
| Yeah, I'll give you that. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| How do you do that with your body? | ||
| I like Tom Cotter. | ||
| I can't say any bad words. | ||
| No, you can't because you know him and like him, but I can't because I've never met him. | ||
| He's a beautiful human being. | ||
| Even when I was a little kid watching live from the Laugh Factory on Saturday night, I was like, who's this fucking cheeseball host? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Get to the amazing Jonathan! | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| How dare you? | ||
| Ari Shafir, you give him a TV show, the motherfucker goes on a rampage. | ||
| Balls out. | ||
| He's attacking Howard Stern, attacking Tom Cotter. | ||
| When's the last time he broke a real musician anymore? | ||
| I don't think he ever did that. | ||
| He did. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bands like Soul Coughing. | ||
| I remember discovering them through Howard Stern. | ||
| This is a good band. | ||
| You're right, Stern. | ||
| He was listening to rock music. | ||
| But now he's fucking 104. And 104-year-olds don't have their finger on the pulse. | ||
| I don't think he's that old. | ||
| That's why the guy from Saturday Live, he's just like, well, hire young black people. | ||
| Just hire somebody that is young. | ||
| Well, I think, honestly, this is my take on it. | ||
| I want to be completely objective. | ||
| I think what he's doing is what he enjoys. | ||
| This is who he is now. | ||
| This is who he is now. | ||
| We can't want a guy to be who we thought he was or who he used to be. | ||
| Dude, there's nothing. | ||
| Comedians, athletes, musicians, no one keeps up at the high level they perform at all the time. | ||
| They fade. | ||
| But this is where I think you're wrong, because Stern has really good interviews. | ||
| They're really good. | ||
| Still? | ||
| New ones? | ||
| Very good. | ||
| He just did one with Kid Rock. | ||
| He's very good. | ||
| I think he's one of the very best ever. | ||
| At interviewing? | ||
| Yeah, at getting people to talk about stuff. | ||
| And was there a new one that was a good interview? | ||
| Alright, well then he's a good interviewer still. | ||
| Dude, he's still very good, man. | ||
| He might have some ideas that I don't agree with, like the podcasters are losers, but he's still, like that guy is like, if you go back and look at all the radio influences, like that guy's the number one radio guy of all time. | ||
| Not just of all time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He used to like Sam Kinison. | |
| He used to like Sam Kinison and was like, this guy's legit funny. | ||
| And now he likes fucking one-liner comics. | ||
| Safe one-liner comics. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I bet he still likes really funny comics, too. | ||
| I don't buy it, man. | ||
| I mean, I don't talk to the dude on a regular basis. | ||
| I haven't seen him in a long time. | ||
| Didn't get the black keys. | ||
| I was like, nah, I don't get it. | ||
| Why do you want to have them on? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Irrelevant, man. | ||
| They had to force them into playing his birthday party because he was like, he wouldn't play them. | ||
| Are you sure about that? | ||
| That's who played his birthday party, right? | ||
| Yeah, but you're sure that he didn't want them there? | ||
| Yeah, I just wouldn't have them. | ||
| No, I'm not sure about anything, but that's what I heard. | ||
| Oh, that I heard shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I hear from people who listen to him. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| If it wasn't for him, it wasn't for all the shit that he went through with the FCC and all the- Sure, absolutely. | ||
| And then he tries to say that ONA went too far having a homeless guy on. | ||
| And it's like, dude, fuck you. | ||
| You're a relevant piece of shit. | ||
| Well, you know, I think- On the side of freedom, only when it's your freedom of speech, no one else's? | ||
| They're just his enemy. | ||
| And that was his idea, was that his enemies he would go after with all of his weapons. | ||
| His weapon is mortgaging his fucking art and what he believes in, that people should be allowed to say whatever they want. | ||
| That is what it's all about, right? | ||
| I mean, it's gotta kind of be that, and it's gotta kind of stand up for itself. | ||
| You gotta say, like, fuck those guys, but of course they should be able to say what they want. | ||
| But please, everyone, do not listen to them, because they suck. | ||
| That's what you should say. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Or just... | ||
| You shouldn't say, that went too far, you can't say certain things. | ||
| Come on, man, you went too far a hundred times, and it was great, and now the line was moved. | ||
| Do you think that's because, like, in those days when they had time slots, that the time slot was the king? | ||
| And maybe that's why we're not like that at all. | ||
| Because, like, if you think about it, all of our friends... | ||
| The morning drive time was huge to get that. | ||
| All of our friends what? | ||
| All of our friends have podcasts, and we're always on all of our friends' podcasts. | ||
| I've been on yours, you've been on Diaz's, I've been on Diaz's. | ||
| We're all, like, on each other's podcasts all the time. | ||
| Yeah, she's at Duncan's last week. | ||
| Yeah, and this is never a competitive thing at all. | ||
| It doesn't even come into play. | ||
| It's like, hey, we all have a successful podcast. | ||
| This is fun. | ||
| And we just keep doing podcasts. | ||
| And no one's worried that somehow or another, if they download the Skeptic Tank, that they're not going to download Duncan Trussell's Family Hour. | ||
| There's tons of hours. | ||
| People catch up with all the old ones and they move on to the next podcast. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And there's enough people. | ||
| There's a lot of people. | ||
| And the key isn't controlling the people that are there. | ||
| The key is promoting as much good shit as possible so that more people show up. | ||
| And then everybody is happy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like this idea that you have to be... | ||
| But when there was one morning show, you know, one guy got the morning shift. | ||
| And you have rankings. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're the number one in our market. | ||
| That got all the money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of course, the smart guy is going to want to get all the money. | ||
| We moved from fourth to second, so we're doing better. | ||
| It's like rankings. | ||
| Those iTunes rankings that came out when people started doing podcasts, everyone was interested at first, and then it became like, who cares? | ||
| I have this many downloads. | ||
| I want to get more. | ||
| I want to get more people to listen. | ||
| He was in a different world. | ||
| That's a different world of competition. | ||
| It's a different world. | ||
| You can't accept this new world. | ||
| People don't care. | ||
| It's definitely a new world. | ||
| There's a lot of people listening to podcasts. | ||
| Dude, that's going to happen to us, too. | ||
| We're going to become irrelevant. | ||
| Oh, I don't know about that. | ||
| I think you'll be relevant with people that are interested in what you have to say. | ||
| Right, maybe. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| You change. | ||
| Maybe it's just for comedians, where it's like, when you're 60 and you're relevant to 60-year-olds, 60-year-olds don't go out to comedy clubs. | ||
| Okay, but here's the... | ||
| But you're still relevant just so you have no audience. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Here's the argument against that is Dom Herrera. | ||
| Dom Herrera is not just relevant. | ||
| He's as funny as ever. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| Dom Herrera murders it. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| I saw him the other night. | ||
| We did Kill Tony together a few months ago. | ||
| And he was sharp as I've ever seen him. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Just crushing off the top of his head. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Vicious, hilarious, self-deprecating. | ||
| It was just monstrous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Just smashed it. | ||
| Smashed it. | ||
| We were howling laughing. | ||
| He's so good at that off-the-cuff stuff. | ||
| Especially he's talking to young comedians. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was excellent. | ||
| So there you go. | ||
| There's some guys that just stay funny. | ||
| Dom Herrera just stayed funny. | ||
| He never stopped being funny. | ||
| He just stayed funny. | ||
| Carlin's last few years was a downturn. | ||
| I think his health was a big issue. | ||
| I think when you're struggling with your health... | ||
| You can also leave society more. | ||
| How are you going to talk about being of the people when it's like you're not of the people? | ||
| You haven't flown coach in fucking 15 years, 20 years. | ||
| Don't fly a coach. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But whatever it is, but it's like you've never taken the subway. | ||
| How can you do a joke about the subway when you have no idea what it's like now? | ||
| That's true. | ||
| If it cleaned it up, you know? | ||
| I wonder how much... | ||
| I mean, he used to hang out at the comedy store. | ||
| I really regret not talking to him, or not attempting to talk to him. | ||
| I said hello. | ||
| He was very friendly. | ||
| He said hi. | ||
| Whenever I heard people call him Mr. Crowley, I was like, George, please just call me George. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was kind of cool. | ||
| He was really like a comic. | ||
| He tipped me. | ||
| I'm sure he did, man. | ||
| I'm sure he did. | ||
| He seemed very friendly when I said hello to him. | ||
| I just said... | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's what he must deal with all the time. | ||
| People coming up to him and revering him. | ||
| Yeah, I just had to get away from him before I said something stupid. | ||
| But I was just, it was psyched. | ||
| I was psyched that he was there. | ||
| I was like, wow, that's George fucking Carlin. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| You know, there's like a Mount Rushmore of comedy. | ||
| He's on it. | ||
| There's the date rape guy. | ||
| The date rape guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just start calling him that. | ||
| The date rep guy, Carlin. | ||
| It's fucked up, man, but you've got to kind of remove him from the Mount Rushmore of his craft. | ||
| No, no, no! | ||
| Because you do not have to do that! | ||
| You cannot deny someone the Hall of Fame because of off-the-field actions! | ||
| That's got nothing to do with it. | ||
| Unless fucking the dead girls made him funnier. | ||
| They weren't dead. | ||
| They were out cold. | ||
| They were close to death. | ||
| If fucking the out cold girls made him funnier, then that's a performance-enhancing drug. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But otherwise, that has nothing to do with his act. | |
| But pot is a performance-enhancing drug when it comes to that. | ||
| So asterisk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Asterisk prior and asterisk Carlin. | |
| Don't asterisk Cosby, because he probably did smoke pot too. | ||
| What if he came out now and goes, I'd like to admit pot? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I would like to have a confession. | ||
| I smoke pot. | ||
| And when I do feel bad about some of the things I did, I want to talk about those things? | ||
| So this proves that I'm willing to admit bad things, and that's all I'm willing to admit, so that must be all there is. | ||
| That was the worst borderline black person slash Bill Cosby impression that we both did. | ||
| It was a horrible, horrible impression. | ||
| I can't do it at all. | ||
| That's about as much as I can do. | ||
| I can't do Cosby. | ||
| Remember Thomas Ward? | ||
| He could do a fucking Cosby. | ||
| He did Cosby in a porn. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He didn't fuck in it, but he played Cosby in a porn. | ||
| I saw it on the shelves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At the old Hustler. | ||
| Well, he used to do it at the store. | ||
| He used to do Cosby at the store. | ||
| God. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Hey, we're doing, if you want to come, you can just pop in if you want, but we're doing Comedy Store Stories in the Belly Room. | ||
| When? | ||
| In a couple Tuesdays. | ||
| In a couple Tuesdays? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, let me know in advance if I can make it down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| And it's just gonna be P.E.E.L.E.N.O.R. I'll ask Dom, I just got the idea when you said it. | ||
| It's a good idea. | ||
| But like, just telling fucking shit that's happening at the store. | ||
| Yeah, there's probably some really funny shit that you can talk about. | ||
| Short stories, just get a bunch of people, have it remind you of other stuff. | ||
| I wonder if anybody's gonna... | ||
| I would like to hear Carl LeBeau tell his ghost story. | ||
| You ever heard his ghost story? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| I wonder how much of his bullshit. | ||
| I'd like to sit that dude down to a lie detector test. | ||
| I know the answer's all of it because it's no ghost. | ||
| So if you're telling me a ghost story, unless it ends with someone pulled off a sheet, then... | ||
| I have some theories. | ||
| I'm gonna share them with you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Carl LeBeau has this great story. | ||
| And I remember he told it one night at the Comedy Store. | ||
| There was some special night. | ||
| I forget what the night was all about. | ||
| But it wasn't just a comedy night. | ||
| There was like a movie they were playing or something like that. | ||
| And I was in the back of the room and Carl LeBeau had the audience captivated. | ||
| He was telling the story about how when he was broke and when he was down on his luck and his comedy career was going nowhere, you know, maybe his personal life, he had issues, like everything was all fucked up. | ||
| But he showed up at the comedy store because he had the keys because he worked there. | ||
| And he said, I'm just going to go sleep on the stage, man, because this is where I'm going to fucking make my dreams happen. | ||
| I'm going to sleep right here on this stage. | ||
| And so he said he went to sleep, and he's lying on the stage. | ||
| And I'm so sorry if he gets offended at me telling a story. | ||
| He tells it way better. | ||
| You want to hear it from him. | ||
| And he said that he was lying there on the stage and that he heard the door open. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he waited, and he didn't hear anything. | ||
| And it's totally dark. | ||
| It shuts all the lights out so he can go to sleep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he says, hey, it's me, Carl. | ||
| I'm in here. | ||
| I let myself in. | ||
| I got kicked out of my apartment. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He doesn't hear anything. | ||
| It's total darkness out there. | ||
| And he hears like a little thump or click. | ||
| Like you can tell that someone's in the room. | ||
| He's like, hello? | ||
| It's Carl LeBeau's here. | ||
| And then he says he hears like chairs moving, like someone's coming towards him. | ||
| And he can't see because the room's totally dark. | ||
| So he opens his eyes and he lifts his head up and something grabs his ankle and pulls him off the stage and onto the ground. | ||
| And then he hears running, and then he hears a door slam, and that's it. | ||
| And he said he never saw anybody. | ||
| And he tells it to you, and it makes a fucking hair stand on your forearm. | ||
| I love those stories. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But this is why I love it. | ||
| He was doing drugs with Sam Canison. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you talk to Mark Maron, have you heard Mark Maron, Sam Kinison's story? | ||
| He was hearing voices in his head for a year. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's how hard Kinison party. | ||
| And it's in the comedy store. | ||
| I saw things fall. | ||
| I'm like, well, I've seen comics hide back there waiting to scare other comics. | ||
| So what's more likely? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Especially if they knew that you were going back there because you were drunk. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Or a comic fucking with somebody. | ||
| What's more likely? | ||
| It's 100% a comic fucking with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| But it's a great story, because in his world, that's reality. | ||
| It was a great story. | ||
| I'm telling you, man. | ||
| When he told it to me, I'm a fucking... | ||
| Yeah, in his mind, that is what happened. | ||
| He's decided to look no further. | ||
| His story about seeing Sam die, too, was like tough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that's awful. | ||
| That's awful shit, man. | ||
| That's awful shit. | ||
| Have you seen the Ali Sadiq story yet? | ||
| Who? | ||
| Ali Sadiq? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's this Houston comic. | ||
| Talking about finding other comics and stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's on your show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Killed it. | ||
| There's some good comedy out there. | ||
| It's like when you see somebody doing a good story, him, Larson, Big J, Diaz, of course. | ||
| Big J is amazing. | ||
| Burt. | ||
| Big J's stories are really good. | ||
| He's such a natural storyteller. | ||
| I really enjoy watching that guy do your show. | ||
| I enjoy talking to him. | ||
| He's a natural storyteller type dude. | ||
| And he's great at riffing too. | ||
| But instead, he goes into a story and everyone's like the waitresses. | ||
| Everyone's looking and listening. | ||
| They're just fucking great. | ||
| That one he told about the dog was the one I wanted him to do, like, two years ago on the show. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, but he was like, no, I think I'm going to use it for a special, but then no one gave him a special, and he's like, okay, I'll put it on something. | ||
| I was like, thank you, yes, awesome. | ||
| That's a good idea, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's one of those guys, like, there's certain guys that are really funny, and they're material, like the subject matter. | ||
| Becomes like just a scaffolding for funny for funny shit, and that's like with him like that guy She just keep putting things out as much as possible. | ||
| Just build up this yeah crowd work album It's got podcasts and stuff, but it's like yeah, he needs more clips. | ||
| Yeah, there's a good Crop of those guys out there now. | ||
| There's like a real good crop of like really funny guys Him and Metzger, which I don't know if it's just because I made friends with them from the Nasty shows in Montreal. | ||
| I did it one year, then two years later I did it again. | ||
| And those guys were like the at my level guys who I hung out the most, you know? | ||
| Just in the two one year. | ||
| But like, I just think they're amazing. | ||
| But I don't know if it's because I'm friends with them or not, but they're both like on such a high level. | ||
| Him and Metzger. | ||
| Well, it's like what I was saying about you when you first started. | ||
| It's just a matter of just putting in the time. | ||
| Getting people to see you, I guess. | ||
| They put in the time. | ||
| They do a lot of sets. | ||
| They keep working on their act. | ||
| Everything you do, whether it's playing the harmonica or fucking... | ||
| Yeah, if you put enough time. | ||
| Put enough time in, you just get better at it. | ||
| You get better. | ||
| Did you see the video I made for Big Jack? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| He broke down crying. | ||
| He had some deal fall through. | ||
| And so he's on a podcast and he cried about it. | ||
| So then on his podcast that he's been doing for Legion of Skanks, they had a bunch of comics record videos for him, making fun of him crying. | ||
| Can you find the one I made of him? | ||
| Play that for Joe. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| So I just sat there for like 45 minutes trying to come up with something good to do for him. | ||
| Like a 60 second video. | ||
| Oh, here's my point. | ||
| Lewis put it up online. | ||
| That's why I don't care. | ||
| Put up that sniper shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I gotta ask Segura if it's okay. | ||
| You're holding a chihuahua. | ||
| You're gonna win a championship. | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| Alright, listen, notable President Barack Obama. | ||
| I can't talk right now. | ||
| I gotta make a video for Big Jay Oakerson. | ||
| Yeah, the guy from the crying video. | ||
| No, dude, you can't use words like that anymore. | ||
| Big J is a homophobic word. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| We all learn. | ||
| I'll talk to you later, Bucky. | ||
| Bucky? | ||
| What's up, Big J? I heard about the deal. | ||
| That fucking sucks, bro. | ||
| That fucking sucks. | ||
| This business. | ||
| Never stop shitting on your fucking grave. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I got a deal right now with my own billboard being up on Sunset Boulevard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Giant 30-foot picture of my face staring down Sunset right in front of my old apartment building. | |
| And I'm not going to comment. | ||
| Go cry to your mother, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's the business, and here's Big J. Oh, no. | |
| Oh, no. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| No, Ari. | ||
| This is wrong. | ||
| That's wrong. | ||
| And I think it's illegal. | ||
| We probably shouldn't have showed that. | ||
| You're going to get in trouble. | ||
| You made a dog touch your ass with its face? | ||
| I think it's sexual. | ||
| Just say it wasn't sexual to you. | ||
| It definitely wasn't sexual. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It seemed like it was some sort of bestiality. | ||
| We should end the podcast and edit that out. | ||
| We're going to have to edit that out. | ||
| We'll be back. | ||
| We'll be right back. | ||
| We're going to have to edit it out. | ||
| You're going to jail for making a dog lick your butt. | ||
| I wonder if it's like totally legal. | ||
| No one could do anything about it. | ||
| But you were holding it. | ||
| It was very rapey. | ||
| He didn't want to go anywhere. | ||
| He didn't want to be there. | ||
| For sure it was like, ugh. | ||
| I'm not opening my mouth on this. | ||
| But here's what we say. | ||
| His personal freedom is not worth as much as how funny that was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and that's what a comic will say and a PETA person won't. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You're going to have PETA showing up at your shows before they show up at mine. | ||
| I'm just eating animals. | ||
| Who's the first to get PETA? I'm just shooting them and eating them. | ||
| You're making them lick your ass. | ||
| Have they contacted you saying fucking cool it? | ||
| They kill a lot of animals themselves. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They put, you know, cats and dogs down. | ||
| I'm sure they don't want to, but... | ||
| Duncan and I one time, when he was probably dating some vegan, this was like 10, 12 years ago, he knew PETA. I think his brother might have worked for PETA. We went down to some store, some high-priced store in Beverly Hills. | ||
| And a Prada store. | ||
| And they were selling like seal skin coats or something, baby seal skin. | ||
| So somebody dressed up like a seal and we beat the fuck out of them with rubber bats. | ||
| Oh, how rude. | ||
| And sprayed blood on them. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It was so much fun. | ||
| Right in front of the Prada store. | ||
| And they're like, we didn't do it. | ||
| They give us whatever they give us. | ||
| I'm just the manager here. | ||
| That's so rude. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It was so much fun. | ||
| Press came. | ||
| So you're committed to never compromising and becoming a different person, like maybe perhaps someone who could host a talent show on television. | ||
| Yeah, I'm committed to that. | ||
| But here's the deal. | ||
| I'll eventually get swayed. | ||
| I'll become older and I'll lose my touch. | ||
| I see everybody do it. | ||
| Eventually they just start coasting. | ||
| And they do shit that's like, it's good enough. | ||
| I don't think so, dude. | ||
| I'll do this one for the money. | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| No, you don't have to, but a lot of people do it. | ||
| Bukowski never did it. | ||
| He was poor in the end. | ||
| Well, maybe not in the end. | ||
| He probably had all those books, but... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I definitely sold out a lot when I did Fear Factor. | ||
| I did a lot of selling out. | ||
| Because I was doing something that I didn't want to do for money. | ||
| So that is essentially you're selling your time. | ||
| But here's the difference there. | ||
| You were doing something which I assume, correct me if I'm wrong, but I assume you thought what you were doing was funny. | ||
| And I agree that it was. | ||
| My stand-up or Fear Factor? | ||
| No, not Fear Factor. | ||
| Oh, I was talking about News Radio. | ||
| Oh, Fear Factor. | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| News Radio, I'm very proud of. | ||
| Fear Factor was just a day job. | ||
| It was just a lot of money. | ||
| There was no way to pass on it. | ||
| But what I made sure that I never did... | ||
| But you weren't doing corny jokes for that. | ||
| No. | ||
| They weren't making you do corny shit. | ||
| No, they weren't making me do corny shit, but I didn't change my stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| My stand-up, I did exactly the same way I would have done it, whether I had a TV show or not. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| I mean, when you have a show that's like, a lot of kids watch that show. | ||
| There was like a lot of... | ||
| Yeah, I bet you could have gotten a wider audience if you just started doing super safer shit then. | ||
| Because you were on an NBC show, I bet you could have tracked all those people to come see you in a theater when you weren't doing theaters. | ||
| But if you mortgaged who you were. | ||
| Yeah, I would have to really change my act entirely. | ||
| I know a lot of those family comics who want to talk about dark shit, but they're like, I got this audience where I can't. | ||
| That's the fucking death of you, man. | ||
| As an artist, that's the death of you. | ||
| That's the death. | ||
| Knowing who your audience is is the worst. | ||
| If you get fired, it's a good story. | ||
| It's, you know, look, you only did it in the first place to make money, but just pretend you never got the job in the first place. | ||
| You get a nice little boost in your publicity because you get fired for doing what you love to do. | ||
| Yeah, so then it's fine. | ||
| Then it's fine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just feel like... | ||
| I think people change, dude. | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
| That's what it is, too. | ||
| People change and they're not quite as, like, big time. | ||
| Well, it's not even quite as big time. | ||
| What they think is different than what they thought when they were 20 or 30 or 40. Like the Howard Stern thing. | ||
| That's true, too. | ||
| He's just a different dude. | ||
| But I think that's part of losing relevancy. | ||
| Is that relevant? | ||
| I mean, how many old people? | ||
| It's you that is not relevant to. | ||
| Maybe that's what it means. | ||
| Maybe not being relevant means you're not relevant to a spending... | ||
| You know they have a demographic and the 18 to 35 year old boys is like big because they're doing their spending. | ||
| Because they're nuts. | ||
| They don't have wives and kids. | ||
| But like so you're relevant to like a Matlock type crowd when it's like they don't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Matlock? | |
| You know, people who watch Matlock. | ||
| Matt Locke isn't on TV? You're using references that were out of date when I was coming out. | ||
| When I was 15, that's what that was. | ||
| I don't know what the new shows for old people are. | ||
| I know what it is. | ||
| It's America's Got Talent. | ||
| Oh, how dare you. | ||
| So you're doing stuff for old people and they're not spenders. | ||
| They're not going to go see movies. | ||
| Do you agree that he's the most important radio guy of all time? | ||
| I would probably say that, yeah. | ||
| Other than the guy who invented the radio. | ||
| He's the most important. | ||
| He changed the way everybody talks. | ||
| I don't want to take away his legacy. | ||
| I want to stop talking about him. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| I want to talk about it in the past. | ||
| I mean, not right now. | ||
| I mean, as he was one of the best. | ||
| If he had died 15 years ago, there would be nothing new bad coming in. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So you wouldn't have to disparage him. | ||
| Same thing with Dane, with all these people that have had their peak and now they're on the downturn. | ||
| And they're like, don't shit on me. | ||
| But it's like, we're not shitting on you. | ||
| We're just really revering where you were at your height. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| A baseball player is not quite as good. | ||
| Doesn't mean he wasn't the best for four years in a row. | ||
| You know, seven years ago. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And now you're just a contributing player. | ||
| It's not like, fuck you, contributing player. | ||
| It's like, you were amazing for a while. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| That's going to happen no matter what, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially with athletes. | ||
| Athletes is the real big one. | ||
| I mean, it's just like... | ||
| It's going to happen. | ||
| And then you're just the greatest of all time, whoever reveres you, and then you get caught taking steroids at two different occasions during a training camp. | ||
| I can tell you about that. | ||
| I'll tell you a story when we get off air. | ||
| I can't tell you on air. | ||
| You're going to go, oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Could be more to the story. | ||
| I'm not under one day. | ||
| Okay, but let me ask you a question, and you don't have to answer this at all. | ||
| But why, who I love, Jon Jones, but why does he not get suspended for coke and Nick Diaz gets suspended every time for weed in a legal state? | ||
| I can try to illuminate this. | ||
| Tell me the rule for that. | ||
| There is out-of-contest testing, and then there's in-contest testing. | ||
| Oh, so if you're on it while you're... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If he was under the influence of cocaine... | ||
| And by the way, I think cocaine should be not something that UFC should worry about either. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that's like a law thing that they should not test for. | ||
| Well, maybe, but if you give somebody cocaine and they're in a fight and they're getting their ass kicked, or it's a really brutal fight and they're worn out, and you gave them cocaine like they believe happened with Aaron Pryor when he fought Alexis Arguello. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They gave him coke in the middle of a fight? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| This is what the thought is. | ||
| The thought is this. | ||
| That's different then, but go ahead. | ||
| Alexis Arguello and Aaron Pryor had this fucking amazing fight. | ||
| Aaron Pryor went on to become... | ||
| I mean, he was a world champion at the time, but he went on to become a junkie. | ||
| He was a coke head. | ||
| He had a real big, big problem with coke. | ||
| His life fell apart. | ||
| But when he was on, he was an amazing fighter. | ||
| This guy Panama Lewis is in his corner, and he asked for the bottle. | ||
| It was not that one, the other one that I mixed. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| They give him this bottle. | ||
| I think it was a black bottle. | ||
| He drinks from this bottle, and he comes out and fucking destroys our quail. | ||
| Puts him away in the next round. | ||
| And the question was, was there an illegal substance in that bottle, or was it just total coincidence that Aaron Pryor came out and destroyed him as a bottle that he mixed? | ||
| I mean, it could have been coconut water. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| If he didn't destroy him, no one would have thought twice about the second bottle. | ||
| But here's the problem. | ||
| That same guy was involved in a fight where these two guys, one of them, I believe his name was Billy Resto, and another one was... | ||
| I forget his name. | ||
| But he was a young Irish kid, and he was a really good fighter. | ||
| And he was an up-and-coming prospect, and he fought this guy, Louis Resto? | ||
| Yeah, Louis Resto and Billy Collins Jr., I think it was. | ||
| Yeah, my memory is like a fucking steel trap, son! | ||
| And Louis Resto just fucked this kid up. | ||
| He was a guy that was supposed to be like a journeyman. | ||
| A guy who was supposed to be... | ||
| He fucked him up and he was hurting him with every punch he threw. | ||
| He fucked him up. | ||
| And he was telling his corner, you know, like, this guy's hurting me with every punch he throws. | ||
| And they were like, this guy's not a big puncher. | ||
| Like, this is kind of crazy. | ||
| After the fight, the father goes up to this resto guy and grabs his glove, and there's no padding in his gloves. | ||
| They pulled the padding out of the gloves. | ||
| The same trainer, Panama Lewis, was the guy, and he was banned for life from boxing. | ||
| He wound up working with Mike Tyson later on in his career, and when he worked with Mike Tyson, he couldn't do the corner. | ||
| He wasn't allowed? | ||
| No, he wasn't allowed. | ||
| So I don't know how much work he did with him, or it might not have been any. | ||
| He might have been trying to get relevant again. | ||
| So it kind of lends at least a little bit of suspicion to the Aaron Pryor incident and the fact that Pryor became a cocaine addict. | ||
| But it's always been a subject of extreme controversy. | ||
| So maybe that, yeah, they shouldn't have it in competition because I could see that helping you actually. | ||
| Yeah, if you're a guy who does a lot of coke, you gotta pee? | ||
| Jesus Christ, you okay? | ||
| He panicked. | ||
| He panicked. | ||
| You would think a man with a billboard would be a little more cool. | ||
| Motherfucker's got a billboard. | ||
| We should probably find that clip for the folks while they're listening here. | ||
| Find the clip of Aaron Pryor, The Secret Bottle with Panama Lewis, because there's like a video of it. | ||
| If you're a boxing historian, you might already know about this, because it's... | ||
| Probably one of the most important like Controversies in the history another one is when Ali when Muhammad Ali was young He fought Henry Cooper who is this British gentleman who was an excellent fighter as well and Henry Cooper hit Ali with a fucking left hook that was on the button Sat him on his ass and really had him fucked up. | ||
| I mean he was really hurt And in their corner, Angelo Dundee cut Ali's gloves. | ||
| Cut them? | ||
| Cut his gloves. | ||
| So they had to change his gloves. | ||
| Like, his gloves are cut. | ||
| We've got to change the gloves. | ||
| He cut his fucking glove in the corner because Henry Cooper blasted Ali into fucking La La Land. | ||
| Oh, so they got him extra time? | ||
| Yeah, pull that. | ||
| That's actually more interesting. | ||
| Watch Henry Cooper K.O.'s Muhammad Ali. | ||
| Pull this video up, because this is pretty interesting. | ||
| Another thing that's interesting is that I'll be at the Bray Impal this weekend in Sacramento at the end of the month. | ||
| Go to iathegreat.com for tickets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Snuck that shit in! | |
| That's how you do a plug! | ||
| This is when Ali was Cassius Clay. | ||
| It's before he became Muhammad Ali. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| They cut it to save time to help, like... | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, he got hit by this guy. | ||
| Henry Cooper was famous for his left hook. | ||
| Cracks Ali when he was Cassius Clay. | ||
| On the button. | ||
| Drops him. | ||
| And then Muhammad Ali sits down in between rounds. | ||
| Here, go. | ||
| We'll play it. | ||
| You'll hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch this. | |
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Knocked him through the ropes. | ||
| Dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's right at the bell. | |
| So he got up. | ||
| like it's literally at the buzzer see what they're not playing now this is a They didn't show the controversy. | ||
| It was right after that. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't go right to the next round, like there. | ||
| They edited out all that shit. | ||
| This is trying to, I don't know if somebody did this to try to protect his legacy or if they wanted to, you know, they were Muhammad Ali fans. | ||
| They want to highlight the good stuff. | ||
| But in between rounds, after Henry Cooper dropped him, his corner, they cut the gloves. | ||
| Angelo Dundee. | ||
| They just took a razor and cut him so they're like, hey, we can't fight. | ||
| Cut it. | ||
| Got to change the gloves. | ||
| And I think he might have even had to run to the back to change the gloves. | ||
| Let me see if it's... | ||
| But that was like probably the most famous of all the controversies. | ||
| Next to the... | ||
| And what, he beat him at the next round? | ||
| Yeah, well, he cut him. | ||
| And when he cut him, they wound up stopping the fight because Ali was just boxing him up with punches. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I think he eventually cut him, but it was the punch that dropped him, which was the crazy thing. | ||
| So that's why they would ban because Nick Diaz was on weed while he was fighting. | ||
| Yeah, the difference between fighting when you're on weed. | ||
| And by the way, they changed the amount that you could have. | ||
| Like, it used to be much lower threshold. | ||
| Like, you'd have trace elements of marijuana in your system. | ||
| And they'd say, fuck you, you're out. | ||
| And they would say, you tested positive for marijuana. | ||
| But they raised the threshold, and Nick Diaz was... | ||
| Still three times over the limit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam! | |
| He's not like he's a guy who's even saying, I don't take it. | ||
| He's fully admitting all the time. | ||
| Like, yeah, I smoke weed all the time. | ||
| Let's see if they play it here. | ||
| This is in between rounds. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Gloves controversy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Still half out. | |
| Boom! | ||
| Look at that punch. | ||
| Look at that punch. | ||
| I mean, he literally sat him down on his ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Two seconds from the end of the fourth round. | |
| See, they're putting smelling salts on him. | ||
| He doesn't know where he is. | ||
| He couldn't fight like that. | ||
| Listen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen. | |
| And I think Trey has got a torn glove. | ||
| So they bought him all that time. | ||
| So instead of it being a minute between rounds, I mean, I don't know how long it was. | ||
| I think he was going over the timekeeper to ask him something. | ||
| He probably took something out of that. | ||
| Yeah, it looked like it. | ||
| They probably edited a little bit of something out of that. | ||
| I wonder how long it took. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, it is interesting, man. | ||
| I mean, we think of, especially boxing. | ||
| Stuff of lore. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want to think that he got knocked out. | ||
| He had to get to the top by being the best ever. | ||
| He had to win all the fights. | ||
| He had to be undefeated. | ||
| That's what everybody wanted. | ||
| They wanted that guy who's never been touched. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want a guy that has a knockout loss. | ||
| To me, it's so much more interesting when the champions, when they go back and forth, like it seemed like the Raging Bull days and stuff, where it's like, yeah, you have three, four, five losses, so does somebody else, but you guys are the best two in the world. | ||
| You know, you've avenged all your losses. | ||
| Avenged? | ||
| I don't know, something like that, where you can be touched. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Angelo Dundee, smelling salts under Clay's nose, which was illegal. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| A spare set of gloves. | ||
| So they did definitely change his gloves. | ||
| It was three to five minutes. | ||
| That probably took some out of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They took it out of it. | ||
| Delaying the start of the fifth round, Cooper has always insisted the delay lasted anywhere between three to five minutes and denied him the chance to try to knock out Klay. | ||
| If he didn't even know what time it was, that's when they showed the replay in that clip. | ||
| If he didn't know where he was, he would have been gone that next round. | ||
| As soon as it started, he would have been out. | ||
| Maybe one haymaker try and that's it. | ||
| It's interesting, man. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It's crazy that that changed the course of history. | ||
| And for the other guy, too. | ||
| For that British guy. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| He's like, I could have beaten Ali, and I did, but no one fucking ever knows it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, basically, he was like one punch away from a KO victory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But who knows if he would have landed that punch at the beginning of the round, legit. | ||
| I mean, who knows if Ali wouldn't have been able to tie him out. | ||
| They brought him three to five minutes. | ||
| He didn't know where he was. | ||
| He didn't know where he was. | ||
| And they used smelling salts. | ||
| They were about to bring him out. | ||
| You get one minute, right? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They were about to bring him out? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Definitely illegal. | ||
| He was gone. | ||
| It's definitely illegal. | ||
| You can't do that shit. | ||
| Dude, I was at your place once, your old place, and we were watching some Pride. | ||
| And then it ended early. | ||
| The recording ended early. | ||
| The DVR fucked it up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| DVRs do fuck stuff up, so... | ||
| Especially if you don't tell them to record longer. | ||
| It didn't used to be an option. | ||
| You used to have to record the next show in order to get it all. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So we got some Pride event and it didn't finish the championship fight. | ||
| It didn't record that. | ||
| Everything else went longer. | ||
| So you're like, fuck, we're all disappointed. | ||
| I forgot who the fight was. | ||
| But you're like, oh, there's some heavyweight title fight for one belt or something. | ||
| We can watch that. | ||
| I have that recorded. | ||
| We watched that and after watching a bunch of mixed martial arts, It was so boring. | ||
| And it was a decent fight, but it was so boring. | ||
| Yeah, there can be a lot of boredom watching fights, man. | ||
| Only hands? | ||
| Well, if a guy's not a destroyer like Tyson was in that video, you watch Tyson in that video smashing all those guys, he was just a different dude. | ||
| Featherweights are good, though, because they fucking sprawl, but the heavyweights just hug. | ||
| Well, Mayweather and Pacquiao will be exciting just because of the sheer magnitude of the historical event. | ||
| I mean, that's a giant historical event, those two guys getting down finally. | ||
| It'll be something that you watch just for that. | ||
| But when it all is said and done, are you going to watch it a second time? | ||
| I've watched a lot of MMA fights a second time and a third time. | ||
| There's only a few boxing fights that I'll do that with. | ||
| But this weekend they made a big play on NBC. They had NBC live fights. | ||
| They're having live fights. | ||
| What? | ||
| Boxing? | ||
| Yeah, they're having live, world-class boxing. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| Yeah, so they had... | ||
| They used to have that. | ||
| I remember you used to watch it. | ||
| It was just like... | ||
| So they're doing it again. | ||
| Showtime or something. | ||
| Well, I think NBC is recognized. | ||
| I mean, didn't they have The Contender? | ||
| Was that NBC? The boxing show? | ||
| Possibly. | ||
| Possibly. | ||
| Might be ABC. I don't know. | ||
| Oxygen Network? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anyway. | |
| They have that. | ||
| I think they see the UFC does really good numbers on Fox and like, hey, you know, there's some big name fights out there to be made. | ||
| So they put together some, you know, pretty deep. | ||
| Adrian Broner versus John Molina. | ||
| Went to a decision. | ||
| Boring fight. | ||
| And then they put this guy, Keith Thurman, who's this knockout artist, versus Robert Guerrero. | ||
| That went to decision. | ||
| Good fight, but still went to a decision. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| But the Adrian Broner fight was like, he was just kind of poking at him, poking at him, poking at him. | ||
| Like, it never really had any danger. | ||
| He was like, just played it safe. | ||
| Played it safe. | ||
| Yeah, lame. | ||
| Yeah, it wasn't fun to watch. | ||
| It wasn't... | ||
| I mean, there's some UFC fights like that too, but... | ||
| There's an art to it, certainly. | ||
| There's a method to his martial art, you know, watching him using his boxing. | ||
| But, you know, I want to watch a guy like Pacquiao that goes and fucks people up. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| One of the things you like watching about Pacquiao, he puts combinations on motherfuckers. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard, too. | ||
| I'm going to Thailand. | ||
| I want to go watch a fucking kickboxing fight in Thailand. | ||
| Dude, you gotta bet. | ||
| You gotta make videos of you betting. | ||
| Betting? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, betting. | |
| Bet it all! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, here. | |
| Did I win or lose? | ||
| I don't know what I bet on. | ||
| Yeah, just bring some Thai ladyboys with you to decipher everything for you. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Yeah, hire them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And film it with Vice. | ||
| Have Vice go there. | ||
| That's my ladyboy chaperone. | ||
| You, in a three-piece suit, because you have money now, and decide to go to Thailand and live up your dreams, which is to go to see an MMA fight or a Muay Thai fight with some Thai ladyboys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they teach you how to back. | ||
| Fuck yeah, I'll make a video of that. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| And with that note, ladies and gentlemen... | ||
| This week, this is not happening. | ||
| It's 12.30 a.m. | ||
| on Thursday evenings. | ||
| You are special. | ||
| Right after that midnight. | ||
| One of them is available right now. | ||
| Yeah, it's also available for pre-sale right now. | ||
| But this special is the one I did. | ||
| This is the first special after I did my CD where I was like, let me try to write a new hour. | ||
| Starting now, let me see if I can do this in a year. | ||
| Really concentrate. | ||
| And that's my first year on the road. | ||
| So I was able to really, like, get a lot more time, and that's when I did The Knitting Factory. | ||
| And it was, like, limited release where nobody saw it. | ||
| So I'm doing it for however much you want to pay. | ||
| If you already paid for it, it's a minimum of a dollar, then pay a dollar if you can't find it anymore. | ||
| And if you really love it, then give me 50 bucks. | ||
| Whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| They were like, I don't know about this. | ||
| I was like, let's just try it as a method. | ||
| Let's try it and see if people will pay or not. | ||
| They'll pay. | ||
| It's good stuff, man. | ||
| And for you, as a comic, it's like it represents what you really just sort of launched yourself. | ||
| With hard work and focus, you just became a much better comic, and you started killing, and you started headlining on the road, and you started developing an audience, and through podcasts and all this shit, it's all just sort of come together, man. | ||
| I have one or two bits in there that I'm like, fuck yeah, I'm really proud of those. | ||
| Just chicken bit, you'll see. | ||
| The comics, again, they did, I was like, it's eight and a half minutes, can you please put the whole bit in there? | ||
| And they were like, yes. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, so watch it at midnight this Friday night. | ||
| Or wherever you are. | ||
| And go to AriTheGreat.com for tour dates and all that shit. | ||
| He's traveling all over the place. | ||
| Brea, Sacramento, Australia. | ||
| He's going to Australia. | ||
| He gives zero fucks. | ||
| Washington, D.C. Tons of places. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ari motherfucking Shaffir. | |
| All right, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Thanks, everybody. | ||
| Take care. | ||
| We'll see you soon. | ||
| Much love. | ||
| Thanks for doing the show, too, Joe. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Big kiss, everybody. |
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