Jan. 26, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:54:30
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day Yeah Yeah! | |
| Back for round two, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| We're here with Randall Park. | ||
| We're waiting on Eddie Huang. | ||
| He's stuck in traffic, coming over Topanga, probably dodging hippies. | ||
| You ever take that ride over Topanga? | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, yeah. | |
| Passed by those fucking weird organic people. | ||
| I passed by a guy who had a sign. | ||
| A lot of hemp. | ||
| A lot of hemp. | ||
| A lot of beads, a lot of dirty feet. | ||
| I passed by a guy who had a sign that said, Vegan Gardner. | ||
| Like, what does that mean? | ||
| No, it wasn't vegan gardener. | ||
| It was vegan landscaping. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck does that even mean? | ||
| I just wanted to hit him. | ||
| Just want to fucking have bears chase him or something. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| Randall Park, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| What's happening, Joe? | ||
| Good to see you, brother. | ||
| Good to see you, man. | ||
| Thanks for coming on here. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, for sure. | |
| You are in the middle of one of the most controversial movies in the history of the world. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You play... | ||
| I play Kim Jong-un. | ||
| Yeah, in the interview. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Which is fucking crazy, man. | ||
| I didn't think it was crazy when I signed on. | ||
| I realized it was crazy in the midst of all that. | ||
| What is the verdict? | ||
| Because they say that it's not North Korea. | ||
| Someone was saying it was an insider at Sony. | ||
| They had it narrowed down to a woman who hacked it. | ||
| I read that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because after they came out with that, the FBI came out and said, no, it is North Korea. | ||
| We have a lot of information that we haven't released. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Trust us. | ||
| But then, you know, the private kind of security experts still think it's not North Korea. | ||
| I would almost always go with private security experts over the FBI. Almost always. | ||
| I kind of feel like most people now would also, which is kind of sad, you know, sad for the FBI. But I think most people are questioning it. | ||
| Would you be willing to go over there ever? | ||
| Well, ever? | ||
| You mean, like, do you mean North Korea specifically? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Oh, yes. | ||
| Very specifically. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I would not go over there. | ||
| I would never go there, especially now. | ||
| What if you went over there under the guidance of Dennis Rodman? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I wouldn't go near Dennis Rodman. | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| In America, I would not go near him. | ||
| But I would not go near North Korea at all. | ||
| I mean, if the regime topples, changes, and, you know, I don't know, 20 years from now, it's... | ||
| What's the likelihood of that, though? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it's possible, but in our lifetimes, I think. | ||
| But, yeah, that's the only way I'd go. | ||
| Well, we were talking about this before the podcast started that they exchange flash drives back and forth to each other. | ||
| Yeah, like a huge part of the underground economy there is basically these flash drives with South Korean TV shows, movies, American movies, you know, just... | ||
| Glimpses into the outside world that they're not supposed to see. | ||
| It's a huge underground market. | ||
| So I think the people there, especially the younger people, they know what's going on, you know. | ||
| And if they get caught, not only are they fucked, but... | ||
| Yeah, well, this is what I've read, and I don't know how it is now. | ||
| It might be even worse now for all I know. | ||
| But yeah, if they get caught, they go to a labor camp for I don't know how long. | ||
| It's like a three-generational thing. | ||
| Their kids go to a labor camp and their parents will go. | ||
| The whole family ends up being punished for their action, which is wild. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when we hear about dictatorships like that, we always think of it like, that's from the 40s. | ||
| You think of it as... | ||
| It is from the 40s. | ||
| That's a thing. | ||
| And it just has not changed over there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just wonder what it would take for something like that to be toppled. | ||
| And we were also talking before the podcast started about his uncle, that his uncle apparently was planning some sort of a coup, so he killed his uncle, killed his uncle's sons. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, well, one thing that happened when our movie was about to come out, there was some expert on North Korea who said that it's important that the elite in Pyongyang see this movie, especially the people in the government and working it, because they're especially the people in the government and working it, because they're on such shaky ground right now that for them to see something like this could really help in getting something to happen over Is this what Sony was saying? | ||
| No, no, this was like an expert on, like some professor or something on North Korea, which I thought was interesting. | ||
| But, yeah, that kind of blew my mind when he said that. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Imagine if it did. | ||
| Imagine if that was the catalyst. | ||
| If our ridiculous comedy. | ||
| A Seth Rogen, James Franco movie was the catalyst for overthrowing the last great communist dictatorship. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| Old school communist dictatorship. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| I mean, it's all, you know, so much of it is this kind of deification, you know, of him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All of this stuff, you know, our movie, but not just that, even just glimpses into the outside world, it just chips away at that, you know, and he becomes who he is, you know, to these people and to other people and, you know, in the government and that does not help their cause, you know, or the government or Kim Jong-un's cause, you know. | ||
| What is the Dennis Rodman thing? | ||
| What's... | ||
| Did you research him at all when you did this? | ||
| I did, yeah. | ||
| I mean, Kim Jong-un and his father, Kim Jong-il, when he was alive, huge NBA fans. | ||
| He was a huge basketball fan. | ||
| Love Michael Jordan. | ||
| And there's a story of Kim Jong-un. | ||
| Supposedly, when he was a student, he went to an international school in Switzerland. | ||
| And there are accounts of him from other students. | ||
| He'd just sit in class all day and draw doodle pictures of Michael Jordan. | ||
| Like, literally in this class. | ||
| So, like, he was obsessed with basketball in that era. | ||
| And I think, you know, that Bulls team was running things at the time. | ||
| He was a huge Rodman fan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's so crazy. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| To see Rodman over there hanging out with him is so surreal. | ||
| Did you see that press conference? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's a video of a press conference where he's basically sitting there with some other players who went with him on this trip. | ||
| And he's clearly drunk. | ||
| And he's basically justifying his actions by going over there and becoming friends with this guy. | ||
| And he's drunk. | ||
| And this is a press conference from Korea or from America? | ||
| I think it was in Korea that they shot it. | ||
| And you could see the players behind him, and they just look super uncomfortable. | ||
| Well, how could you not be super uncomfortable? | ||
| First of all, hanging out with Dennis Rodman would make you super uncomfortable. | ||
| Dennis Rodman calling a press conference. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Is it the top one? | ||
| Yeah, that top one. | ||
| Yo! | ||
| Look who's here! | ||
| Eddie Wong in the house. | ||
| What's up, brother? | ||
| I'm the worst, man. | ||
| I'm the fucking worst. | ||
| Dude, this is LA. The traffic is insane. | ||
| Yo, also, fucking, I'm an idiot that lost my car in a fucking parking garage. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, man, I was running up and down the wrong parking garage. | ||
| Were you, like, along 3rd Street, like one of those garages? | ||
| Yeah, like the promenade, and they got three garages that look the same. | ||
| And I was running up and down. | ||
| I'm like, where the fuck is my car? | ||
| It was right here. | ||
| And then they were like, you know there's another parking garage. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| My bad, dude. | ||
| No worries, man. | ||
| We kicked things off, Randall. | ||
| We had to cover the interview anyway. | ||
| We had to go over all the crazy shit that he's been going through. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The artist formerly known as Kim Jong-un. | ||
| Did you at any point in time feel like you fucked up? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| You know... | ||
| No. | ||
| This is the thing. | ||
| I wasn't, like, scared for my life or anything like that. | ||
| I'm scared for your life. | ||
| But this is the thing. | ||
| There were enough people like you, friends, family, people who were genuinely scared for my life that it got me thinking, like, should I be scared for my life? | ||
| Well, you had Secret Service at the crib. | ||
| We had guards at the house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Sony provided us guards. | ||
| For how long? | ||
| It's like a couple weeks. | ||
| What the fuck, Sony? | ||
| At first I was like, we don't need guards. | ||
| Seriously, we don't need guards. | ||
| They're like, let us just give you some guards for peace of mind. | ||
| I was like, alright, alright. | ||
| And then one day they were just gone. | ||
| Like a few weeks later, they were gone. | ||
| And I was thinking, oh my god, where are the guards? | ||
| I need the guards. | ||
| You know, like I was just so... | ||
| I felt so protected by them when I wouldn't have otherwise. | ||
| I just got used to it. | ||
| And then my friends being so concerned for me. | ||
| It just kind of got me paranoid. | ||
| Did anyone contact you? | ||
| Did you get any threats? | ||
| No. | ||
| No one on Twitter, like, pretended to be from North Korea and fucked with you? | ||
| No. | ||
| We should have done it to him. | ||
|
unidentified
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Dude. | |
| You know, I mean, I would get, like, spam mail, like I always get. | ||
| And I would think twice. | ||
| I'd be like, wait a minute. | ||
| Is this, like, regular spam? | ||
| Or is this, like, hack into my email, destroy my life spam? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| But, you know, I didn't know. | ||
| I would never have, I just kind of deleted it, like I always do, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you're always, you know, that could be totally unrelated. | |
| Yeah, yeah, most likely. | ||
| But I, you know, I got paranoid. | ||
| I got paranoid after a while. | ||
| And then the movie came out, like we were talking about earlier, it just all died out. | ||
| The dust settled really quickly. | ||
| It was like crazy. | ||
| It was like the biggest news. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, I don't know. | ||
| It seems like things just die quick today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because there's so much new scandal coming down every day. | ||
| There's always something new. | ||
| Nutty dick pics. | ||
| Fucking sex scandal. | ||
| Something horrible happens. | ||
| You know, ISIS cut somebody's head off. | ||
| Something. | ||
| You know, there's always some new thing. | ||
| Cosby, another woman. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, one year. | ||
| The things that used to happen in five years happen in one year now. | ||
| They happen in a day. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of insane. | ||
| Yeah, things are accelerating for sure. | ||
| Even when I travel, every city I go to, there's a pocket of every city that looks the same. | ||
| Like that same arts district is in every fucking city with the same stores, the same kids, the same clothes. | ||
| And by contrast, the same Applebee's, the same Walmart, the same Target. | ||
| I mean, if you're in a Target anywhere in America, you feel like you're in the same spot. | ||
|
unidentified
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You're in the same spot. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| How the fuck did you go from being a chef to being on a sitcom? | ||
| What the hell's going on, man? | ||
| How did you run this, man? | ||
| Dude, I guess we kind of ran the table. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We fucking definitely hit for the cycle the last two years. | ||
| You were at TED Talk? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, that's when I met you. | ||
| You know, the deal for this show was cut the day I met you. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, you were part of this, Joe. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| You're part of this. | ||
| I feel responsible. | ||
| You're part of Asian history. | ||
|
unidentified
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You are. | |
| Yeah, thank you. | ||
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| So how did it go down? | ||
| Well, what happened was I was at TED and then there was this producer, Melvin Maher, who my boy Jay gave the book to. | ||
| So he read the book and he was like looking at these, you know, stats and demographics. | ||
| They send those things in the studio like, pay attention to the Asian market. | ||
| They got fucking money now. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like people are buying fucking soy products. | ||
| So he got one of those things that was a directive or some study saying, look, there's a lot of Asian viewers. | ||
| We should make some content for this. | ||
| The book landed on his table within the similar amount of time. | ||
| I was in Long Beach, I was doing the show with you, and he met me that night. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| And you got in trouble for doing the show, right? | ||
| Because you left Ted and they get pissed at you. | ||
| Yeah, they were mad because I did, you know, I did the number one podcast in the world, Joe Rogan. | ||
| And then I also did DVD Asa. | ||
| They weren't too happy about that. | ||
| And I went to take the meeting with Melvin and they were like, you should be here politicking with these Ted people, sucking this Scientology dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, did they say, did they have I was like, no, no, no Scientology deals. | |
| Did they have a specific thing planned for you? | ||
| Or they just wanted you to hang out? | ||
| No, I had already given my talk. | ||
| And then it was like, dude, we looked like slow children. | ||
| They had us with signs and neck lanyards with your photo and speaker. | ||
| And then these people would be like, donor. | ||
| And we were supposed to show more love to the donors. | ||
| Oh, one of those. | ||
| Kiss the rings. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, this is weird. | ||
| It was the beginning of my understanding, my journey of trying to understand where Ted has gone. | ||
| What it started out as and what it is now. | ||
| And you were very illuminating. | ||
| Yeah, it was cool because after me and Sarah Silverman kind of shit on it, there's been lots of people that come out being like, yo, they fucked with my speech. | ||
| They told me to say this. | ||
| They took this down. | ||
| And... | ||
| Did you find that during your speech? | ||
| Were they putting their hands in it? | ||
| Yeah, they definitely tried to edit it. | ||
| I mean, it's everywhere. | ||
| The last few years, I've started to realize everywhere you go, besides pretty much Vice, I guess, is they try to put their dick in your ear. | ||
| Everywhere you go, man. | ||
| Say, hey, come here, kid. | ||
|
unidentified
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Come here. | |
| Ah, fuck. | ||
| You want to get rich, don't you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| There's only one way. | ||
| Suck that donor dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, they would make you stay with somebody else, too. | ||
| They made you stay in a room. | ||
| Yeah, it was weird. | ||
| We were like adults, and they had us rooming, and I was rooming with this other guy who was super nervous about his speech, and I was just like, this is bugged. | ||
| It's bugged out. | ||
| You gave me a box of Kind bars, and I'm supposed to be cool with this? | ||
| And then they get mad when you go off to do other shit. | ||
| It's just very, very bizarre. | ||
| Very bizarre. | ||
| Yeah, you should sign up to be a TED speaker one year just so you can do the expose. | ||
| Not interested. | ||
| I speak too much as it is. | ||
| I'm highly overexposed. | ||
| So, fresh off the boat, when does this start airing? | ||
| February 4th. | ||
| Is this CBS? ABC. ABC. Beautiful. | ||
| February 4th. | ||
| And is everything in the can already? | ||
| You guys done or are you filming right now? | ||
| Yeah, we're done. | ||
| We're done shooting. | ||
| How many episodes did you guys do? | ||
| 13? | ||
| 13, yeah. | ||
| So they decided to film 13 and then air. | ||
| They did a pilot, they liked it, and then they just shot 13. Ordered 12 more, yeah. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| If they pick up what they call the back nine and give you a full order of 22, when do you know about all that? | ||
| I think May. | ||
| And we find out in May. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know if we're going to do the back. | ||
| I think it'll be just the next season. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just the second season. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| So, what's that experience been like? | ||
| Man, Randall, you go first. | ||
| I've been talking about it too much. | ||
| Randall, go first. | ||
| Well, I mean... | ||
| Also, the eldest agent goes first. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Respect. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You know, for me it was fun. | ||
| There was a lot of challenges. | ||
| I've been kind of... | ||
| The middleman, I feel like, in a lot of the situations, talking to the producers, talking to the other actors, talking to Eddie, and trying to navigate everything and hearing out their issues and their problems. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think with any TV show, there are always politics and issues. | ||
| But when you have one that's specifically based on a memoir of a real-life person, There's a lot of bumps in the road and a lot of things to work out. | ||
| And we definitely had those issues. | ||
| But with that being said, I had a great time. | ||
| The cast has been great. | ||
| I had fun. | ||
| I had fun. | ||
| And I think it's a good show. | ||
| And it's a groundbreaking show in terms of just... | ||
|
unidentified
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Asians on TV. Well, Margaret Cho was the first. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| She had that show, All-American Girl. | ||
| That was 20 years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was around back then. | ||
| I remember it. | ||
| I was friends with Margaret. | ||
| And when it went down, it was weird. | ||
| They were telling me, you gotta lose weight, you gotta do this, you gotta dress different, you can't have a fat Asian on TV. I mean, her stories about her are pretty fucking crazy. | ||
| It's bad, dude. | ||
| They had an Asian consultant or something on that show, basically telling them how to be Asian. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, we had those weird-ass accent coaches, too, though. | ||
| The dude was super cool. | ||
| He was a super cool dude. | ||
| But there was a dude that was literally like, Randall, your accent, like checking on the accents and shit. | ||
| Yeah, super cool guy. | ||
| Friend of mine, even. | ||
| Good dude. | ||
| But it was like, it definitely got me in my head for that pilot. | ||
| So after, once we got into the series, I was like, no, I'm going to learn this. | ||
| I'm going to learn this on my own. | ||
| What was the accent? | ||
| Were you trying to learn a Chinese accent? | ||
| It was supposed to be a Mandarin Taiwanese accent. | ||
| But I feel like there isn't one. | ||
| There isn't one, exactly. | ||
| Everyone speaks in their own fucked up way. | ||
| And that's what I learned. | ||
| That's what I learned. | ||
| It's like there is... | ||
| Because I went to so many people to get, like, coaching, you know? | ||
| Like, to get... | ||
| Specifically experts or actors who could really do it because there were no dialect coaches who could do it. | ||
| But they all had different approaches. | ||
| And I was like, there is not one way to do an accent. | ||
| Yeah, it's basically a cottage industry for Asian people to just G off and be like, oh, no, no, I know this accent thing. | ||
| Let me tell you. | ||
| It's fly lice. | ||
| R's or L's. | ||
| R's or L's. | ||
| They're like, no. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's not always. | ||
| So they're just running the game and the white people are like, oh, okay, okay. | ||
| He's really legit. | ||
| He understands. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have an Asian accent consultant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They hired this guy. | ||
| He's like an actor. | ||
| He's an actor. | ||
| And he was like, I got hired to consult on the accent because I'm Taiwanese. | ||
|
unidentified
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And it was just like, yo, this is so bonkers. | |
| But what do they try to do with you? | ||
| They try to fuck with your accent? | ||
| Because you have a New York accent. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I just do voiceover. | ||
| He narrates. | ||
| I just do voiceover and give people a hard time. | ||
| That's pretty much my job on the show. | ||
| So you don't act on the show? | ||
| No, I'm just, I'm the voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So does someone play you? | ||
| Yeah, there's a 12-year-old kid who's a really cool kid. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So it's sort of like that Chris Rock show. | ||
| Everybody hates Chris? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's interesting. | ||
| I was under the impression that you were acting in it. | ||
| I was confused. | ||
| He is, but like voice. | ||
| Voice acting. | ||
| And who do you play? | ||
| I play the dad. | ||
| You play his dad? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a weird relationship. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a weird relationship. | |
| It's funny because my mom on the show is the same age as me now. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| But super cool. | ||
| The actors on the show were incredible. | ||
| Like, the casting on the show, I think, is my favorite part of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not just saying it because homie's here. | ||
| Like, we really get along. | ||
| We hang out. | ||
| We eat Jamaican beef patties. | ||
| That's what we get. | ||
| Are you worried that that 12-year-old kid is going to be like that two-and-a-half-man kid? | ||
| Just fucking get crazy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| He already gets crazy, but I love the kid. | ||
| He's a great kid. | ||
| He's, like, amazing, but he's a real kid. | ||
| He's not, like, an actor. | ||
| You know, he didn't have hardly any experience going in, and... | ||
| That's part of the reason why we loved him so much. | ||
| He was just raw. | ||
| He's just a Brooklyn Chinese kid that went to a cold acting, casting, and then we saw his tape. | ||
| And I remember watching, did you get to see his audition? | ||
| I mean, I was there for some of the early ones, but I didn't see the original one. | ||
| Dude, his audition is so funny. | ||
| They're like telling him to say things, and he's swinging at the camera with his arm. | ||
| He's looking in the wrong direction. | ||
| He just doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| And I saw the tape. | ||
| I was like, we have to cast this kid. | ||
| Just personality. | ||
| Just personality. | ||
| He couldn't be bothered. | ||
| Could not be bothered. | ||
| And even when we... | ||
| I mean, Randall may hate us at times because the kid will be bouncing off the walls. | ||
| Like, we basically just captured this real kid on camera. | ||
| Like, all right, cool. | ||
| Start, stop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But the other kids, like, they were all polished actors, you know, with clean line reads, you know, like, and emoting right at the right, you know, right at the right word. | ||
| And it just didn't feel like... | ||
| When a show comes around that's very specifically Asian and it's hiring all these Asian people, there's a tremendous amount of attention from the Asian community. | ||
| Everybody gets very excited. | ||
| I have Asian friends that were actors. | ||
| And they would get very bummed out that there's no roles for Asian. | ||
| And they would get really pissed off. | ||
| And I would bring up like when John Wayne played Genghis Khan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Boiling red and angry. | ||
| Breakfast at Tiffany's. | ||
| Mickey Rooney. | ||
| Charlie Chan. | ||
| Charlie Chan was a white guy. | ||
| Yeah, with the tape on the eyes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, now that there's an actual Asian show, what has the response been? | ||
| You're an actor. | ||
| It's like The Wire, dude. | ||
| Basically, every Asian person is hitting you up. | ||
| Like, yo, can I be Bubbles? | ||
| Everybody want to be Bubbles. | ||
| Exactly, man. | ||
| It's been overwhelming. | ||
| Positivity and negativity and skepticism. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| It's because it's the only one. | ||
| Is there any inter-Asian anger, like you being a Korean guy, playing a guy who's from Taiwan? | ||
| I haven't experienced it personally. | ||
| I'm sure it's out there. | ||
| I haven't experienced it personally. | ||
| I had my own issues with that too. | ||
| I actually went to Eddie early on. | ||
| After I found out the show was being picked up to pilot, I was like, I don't think that this doesn't feel right. | ||
| I don't think I should be playing this part. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Randall's super earnest about it. | ||
| Yeah, I like wigged out about it. | ||
| I actually had a nervous breakdown about it. | ||
| A nervous breakdown? | ||
| Not a nervous, a panic attack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I had a panic attack. | ||
| How does that go? | ||
| Just like, I thought I was going to die, like literally, like the night before. | ||
| I couldn't sleep, and I had to keep moving. | ||
| And I knew it was because of this, because I was just so in my, I was like... | ||
| I don't think I should be playing this part. | ||
| This is like a big moment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's part of the reason that got me to that thought was because after the show got picked up, it was already all over the internet, like amongst Asian people, like super excited for it, you know? | ||
| Yeah, the Great Yellow Hope shit. | ||
| It was just like everybody was like, oh my god, our dicks are all going to get bigger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
February 4th, my dick is going to be six and a half inches. | |
| Everybody's going to have six and a half inch dicks on February 4th. | ||
| So, it's fascinating that you... | ||
| So I was like, oh man, I don't know if I should be... | ||
| I don't know if I'm the one, you know? | ||
| And it's just because of the fact that you're Korean playing a guy who's Chinese? | ||
| Well, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, that was a big part of it. | ||
| Also, I had my... | ||
| You know, I had issues with the character, and we talked about it, and I had like... | ||
| I was like, man, I don't know. | ||
| I just don't feel like this is the right way for me. | ||
| I think the thing was, Randall is so earnest, and the reason I've really bonded with Randall through the whole thing is there's a lot of people that will lie to you in Hollywood. | ||
| There's a lot of fake motherfuckers out here. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| I can't be a part of the show anymore. | ||
| I gotta go. | ||
| I have a meeting. | ||
| We would talk really openly and honestly about the script, the things that didn't seem to represent my pops, that weren't totally there. | ||
| Network shows, they always have a really powerful woman and a kind of a schlubby dude. | ||
| My dad walked around the crib in his underwear with AK. Just chilling. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| He had an AK? Yeah, he cocked it on my friend once when we were just like watching cartoons. | ||
| And my dad was like, ha ha! | ||
| And I was just like, yo. | ||
| His dad is a badass. | ||
| I mean, like, I met him. | ||
| The dude is, I mean, not only a badass, he's just like a dynamic. | ||
| He's like Eddie. | ||
| He's like this dynamic. | ||
| He didn't mean it bad because my friend had been asking him about it and he always wanted to see it, so my dad one day just came out with it and was like, bong bong. | ||
| We don't see much of that in the character of the show, but with that being said, my issues were just like, I don't want him to be always the funny one or always the inept kind of classic sitcom dad. | ||
| I want him to kind of I want him to do well. | ||
| I want him to work hard. | ||
| I want to be a good example for the kids. | ||
| Because, again, we're the only Asian show. | ||
| It's important that I don't just play that one lane. | ||
| I want him to be more fleshed out. | ||
| That is a real issue, right? | ||
| If you're the only Asian show on television, you definitely don't want to be a negative stereotype. | ||
| You don't want to play into all the bullshit that is already out there, the negative stereotypes. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| That's a tricky position, huh? | ||
| Is that why you felt like you were real nervous about it, the panic attack? | ||
| That was it. | ||
| I mean, also, in combination with the accent, if you have an accent, that's one thing. | ||
| Hit me with some of that accent. | ||
| No, I can't hit you with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, man. | |
| You're a goddamn professional, Vandal. | ||
| You're a professional. | ||
| Just say, fuck you, Joe Rogan, with that accent. | ||
| I'm not going to say that. | ||
| No, all right. | ||
| Okay, just try it. | ||
| No, but... | ||
| Fuck you, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Yeah, fuck you, Joe Rogan. | ||
| It's Joe Rogan in Chingrish. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| No, but yeah, exactly. | ||
| It's like, you got an accent, and we've just seen throughout history, Hollywood history, it's like, if there's an accent, this character's one-dimensional. | ||
| You know, David Cho had this fucking great post. | ||
| There was one point in time we pulled his DVD ASA podcast off the air, and he put this great quote on his website about Jackie Chan. | ||
| He goes, how come Jackie Chan never got to fuck or finger bang? | ||
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And he's going off this whole thing about everyone's afraid of the yellow man. | ||
| Everybody talks about fear of a black planet. | ||
| Romeo must die. | ||
| That was a huge moment for, like, Asian kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember Jet Li and Aaliyah? | ||
| If you could've just made out with Aaliyah, I swear, like, my sex life would've tripled. | ||
| I would've done triple numbers. | ||
| And then we were sitting in that theater. | ||
| They don't even, like, they don't even shake hands. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| And that's Romeo and Juliet. | ||
| That was like the... | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| They don't even shake hands. | ||
| Except for Walking Dead. | ||
| That's the only time when the Asian guy wins. | ||
| But that's the thing. | ||
| There had to be a zombie apocalypse for an Asian dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For an Asian dude to get some pussy, it had to be a zombie apocalypse. | |
| That dude had to be the last motherfucker. | ||
| But there's a few white dudes that want to fuck that chick on that show. | ||
| I mean, she's the hottest chick on that show by far. | ||
| By far. | ||
| By far. | ||
| And that's a big victory for the Asian culture. | ||
| That was Asian. | ||
| We caught one there. | ||
| We caught one. | ||
| Yeah, that was a good one. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of anger and resentment in the Asian community, too, when Asian girls will exclusively date white guys. | ||
| Yeah, I used to get mad, but now I'm just like, it's cool. | ||
| There's billions of us. | ||
| That is a weird thing, though, right? | ||
| I mean, it's a common occurrence. | ||
| When I was in college, that would definitely get me upset, hit home, but I'm the same. | ||
| I'm just like, dude, it's, you know. | ||
| My thing is everybody deals with their identity in their own way. | ||
| And it's like if you're not loving someone for the right reasons, it may rear its head in three months, six months, six years, but eventually you're going to deal with it. | ||
| And it's just not my job to be judge and jury with shorties and white dudes. | ||
| It's kind of, you know? | ||
| Shorties! | ||
| That's your prerogative, man. | ||
| But I used to get tight in college. | ||
| You get angry? | ||
| Tight in college. | ||
| I was always about white chicks with big butts anyway, so... | ||
| Who isn't? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Pogs is the number one drop-down on Bang Bros, I think. | ||
| Yeah, it's a perfect-ass white girl if you don't know what P-A-W-G means. | ||
| Yup. | ||
| Yeah, there's something about that. | ||
| Well, it's just such an anomaly, you know? | ||
| You find a white girl with a perfect ass. | ||
| We were in, uh, Tony Hinchcliffe and I were in this coffee shop the other day. | ||
| We met this black girl from Kenya who, she had an ass. | ||
| She turned around, and we both went like that, just, like, looked at each other like, Jesus! | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| And then we talked about it for like an hour afterwards. | ||
| Like, you don't ever see that on any other nationality. | ||
| It's only black chicks from Africa. | ||
| I mean, she had, her ass was like in the middle of her back. | ||
| West Indian will come up with it. | ||
| Caribbean, West Indian, you'll get it. | ||
| Right now, there's a lot of chicks with fake butts out there. | ||
| If you look at Instagram, sometimes there's a lot of these girls that, you know, they never showed the backside, then all of a sudden, like, six weeks, there's a gap in photos, and then bang! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Is that, you mean people here in America, that's a thing? | ||
| Yeah, there's a few girls in New York that my friends with. | ||
| I know in Brazil, that's like... | ||
| Yo, it's huge in Brazil and Colombia, but in New York now, there's a lot of New York girls with fake butts. | ||
| Well, you know what's fucked up about that? | ||
| It's like, a girl can get... | ||
| Her butt big by working out. | ||
| You can lift weights. | ||
| You can't do anything about your breasts. | ||
| If you want your breasts to be larger, I don't think they have a solution to that yet. | ||
| But if you want your ass to be big, all you gotta do, you lazy bitch, just do some squats. | ||
| You don't have to stick plastic in your ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| My ass is tight. | ||
| I got to work out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beautiful. | |
| I knew a dude who had chest implants. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, he got chest implants. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| He was a comedian. | ||
| He decided, you know, he wanted to be a sitcom star and get a chicken chest instead of working out. | ||
| I mean, I think he worked out a little bit, but he had pec implants. | ||
| I feel like Fat Jew, I think I talked to him, I think he wants breast implants. | ||
| Who's Fat Jew? | ||
| This comedian Fat Jew, he's awesome. | ||
| That's his name? | ||
| Yeah, that's his name. | ||
| Yeah, he sends me photos like this, dude. | ||
| He sends me wild photos of turkey testicles. | ||
| This is super weird stuff, man. | ||
| But he's the best. | ||
| You have to see this. | ||
| He sent this to me for Thanksgiving. | ||
| But, yeah. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| So it's a turkey with his balls poking out of the hole. | ||
| It's a turkey. | ||
| He cut out a hole and just put his balls in the middle. | ||
| That's basically a photo of his balls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was an acceptable way for him to send his balls to me. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is he a guy in New York? | ||
| Yeah, he's in New York. | ||
| He's been a homie for a few years. | ||
| He was in this rap group, Team Facelift. | ||
| Team Facelift? | ||
| Super futuristic, dude. | ||
| You gotta have him on the show. | ||
| Alright, I'm in. | ||
| Fat Jew. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| That's my man. | ||
| Strange name. | ||
| So, you guys have been filming this for how many months now? | ||
| Ooh, since... | ||
| We ended right before Christmas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And did it go through, like, I've been on the sitcom news radio from the beginning to, like, one of the first episodes to the end. | ||
| It's like they grow, and everybody sort of finds their own rhythm, and people get fired, and writers, new writers come in. | ||
| Do you guys go through all that? | ||
| We didn't like that only because we didn't start airing while we were in production. | ||
| I feel like those things happen when it starts airing and then the feedback comes and maybe the ratings are like, It's a gift and a curse that you're mid-season. | ||
| When you're mid-season, they buy all the episodes and they're gonna all air. | ||
| Did they do a pilot first? | ||
| Yeah, the pilot's great. | ||
| The pilot's actually my favorite episode of the whole season. | ||
| So you did a pilot, and then how long before they decided to pick it up? | ||
| Like a month or something, I don't know. | ||
| So you had a little bit of a break? | ||
| Yeah, we finished it, I feel like we delivered it in March, right? | ||
| And then we found out in May? | ||
| Yeah, beginning of May. | ||
| So it was like two months? | ||
| Yeah, two months. | ||
| I didn't think it was going to get picked up. | ||
| Not because I didn't think it was good. | ||
| Nothing gets picked up. | ||
| Nothing gets picked up, number one. | ||
| No Asian family sitcom gets picked up. | ||
| Well, one, ever. | ||
| One, 20 years ago. | ||
| See, it was fun. | ||
| I knew it would get picked up. | ||
| I told everybody. | ||
| I was like, yo, man, see you at Chase Bank, motherfucker. | ||
| See you at Chase Bank. | ||
| Eddie knew. | ||
| I was just like... | ||
| I've been in the trenches as an actor for a long time. | ||
| I'm like, these things don't happen. | ||
| They don't happen. | ||
| And then it happened. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Well, they occasionally happen. | ||
| I feel like you will shit to happen. | ||
| Like, my whole life I just feel like, you know, you gotta like will it and just believe it and if you don't, then it really won't. | ||
| The mojo all has to line up. | ||
| It helps. | ||
| It helps if you believe it. | ||
| But there's a lot of people out there that watch The Secret and thought, I'm gonna change my life. | ||
| And then nothing fucking happened. | ||
| No, I think it's essential to believe and then there's still a lot of shit. | ||
| But if you don't believe, good luck. | ||
| Yeah, there's a vibration that you have to catch. | ||
| You have to be on a frequency and all these things have to align together in order for it to be successful. | ||
| Yeah, and you can feel it. | ||
| You can really feel the energy. | ||
| We had a good energy on our show. | ||
| I think it's because everyone, this was the biggest thing anyone, well, not you had a lot of other hits, but like Constance, Hudson, The Kids, you know, it's Melvin, the producer's first thing that's his own. | ||
| It was the biggest thing I've done. | ||
| You know, for everybody, it was just like humbling to be there, happy to get there. | ||
| And then once we got there, we were like, let's break shop. | ||
| You know, let's do this. | ||
| But you should act, man. | ||
| You got such a great personality. | ||
| I tell him that all the time. | ||
| I tell him, I'm like, I'm writing something for you. | ||
| That's why it made sense to me that you were on a sitcom. | ||
| Like, there's a lot of chefs, if you told me they were on a sitcom, I'd be like, what? | ||
| Like, Emeril. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Remember when Emeril had a sitcom? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Emeril had a sitcom? | |
| Yeah, I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, Emeril had a fucking sitcom. | ||
| I think it was called Emeril. | ||
| Yeah, it was like some fucking NBC disaster. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I mean, he's actually pretty fucking cool in person. | ||
| Like, I chill with Emeril on Top Chef. | ||
| Dude is, especially in New Orleans. | ||
| I got to hang with him in New Orleans. | ||
| Cool dude. | ||
| That's his spot, right? | ||
| Yeah, that's his spot. | ||
| But, like, no, I definitely, I told my agent, I was like, yo, if there's any roles out there for an Asian Joe Pesci, fucking sign me up. | ||
| That's what I want to be. | ||
| An Asian Joe Pesci Goodfellas or Joe Pesci Lethal Weapon? | ||
| Oh, like My Cousin Vinny. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you could totally act. | ||
| That's why when I heard that you were doing it, I was like, oh, wow, look at this fucking versatile motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, I'm voice acting, but no, I gotta do the acting. | ||
| It'll be fun. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| The voice acting, too, I mean, that's like... | ||
| I feel like that was a... | ||
| I mean, that wasn't in the original pilot. | ||
| Yeah, no, we put it in after. | ||
| It kinda came in like, how can we make this better? | ||
| And then they came up with the idea. | ||
| We gotta have Eddie. | ||
| And that changed it. | ||
| It really solidified the show. | ||
| And framed it in the right way. | ||
| It happened in the edit. | ||
| I think it was just in the edit, they were like, yo, you should fucking Kevin Arnold this thing. | ||
| I was so excited. | ||
| I was really excited. | ||
| They told him I was playing ball when Melvin called me and was like... | ||
| I was playing ball. | ||
| Getting buckets. | ||
| Yeah, is there any way they could write you in? | ||
| I mean, who would you play if you were going to be on that show? | ||
| You're like Cousin Eddie would be sick. | ||
| Or Cousin Alan. | ||
| I got a Cousin Alan or something, but... | ||
| Yeah, like a cousin. | ||
| I should be a kid's cousin. | ||
| Yeah, you could be like a kid's cousin that's always giving him sneaky advice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| Getting him in trouble. | ||
| You know, leading him astray. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| Even in real life, man, the kid was telling me, he's like, yo, I like girls now. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Word, that's great. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's really great. | ||
| You like girls. | ||
| And I was like, do you have like a girlfriend or whatever? | ||
| He's like, no, there's this girl I like, but I'm afraid to talk to her. | ||
| And I was like, well, what are you going to do then? | ||
| You should go talk to her. | ||
| And he's like, no, no, no, I don't want to talk to her. | ||
| And I was like, well, what do you want to do? | ||
| And he's like, I kind of want to touch her. | ||
| And I was like, good, good. | ||
| So I'm like, yo, when she gets out of class, just kind of bump into her boobs with your elbow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, don't tell him that. | |
| And he's like, what? | ||
| I was like, no, yeah, you got to just kind of bump into the boobs. | ||
| You can't tell him that and you definitely can't admit that on the internet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| You can't do that. | ||
| Because if he goes and does that now, that's like sexual assault. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| You did that in middle school. | ||
| Didn't you come out of like seventh grade? | ||
| I lived in a different world, my friend. | ||
| This is the world of the internet and social justice world. | ||
| He just asked that dude to commit rape. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| In this world, this is day and age, you are illegally touching a sexual organ with your elbow on purpose. | ||
| It's not an accident. | ||
| You're pretending it's an accident. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Do I have to apologize? | ||
| We live in a dark world. | ||
| I'm so sorry, boobs. | ||
| I'm so sorry to all those boobs out there. | ||
| Especially if the girl doesn't want him to touch her boobs, then it's really sexual assault. | ||
| Well, I mean... | ||
| You know, I'm sure he's a good kid. | ||
| I'm sure she wouldn't mind it. | ||
| That's not sure enough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| No. | ||
| Randall, you never, like, kind of just brushed up against the pair? | ||
| Don't admit to it. | ||
| Even if you did, don't say it. | ||
| I cannot recall. | ||
| Fine, I'm the only one. | ||
| I cannot recall. | ||
| Fine, I'm the only one that was running my Nautica competition fleece against... | ||
| People will stop beating that Cosby horse and start running towards you with sticks. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I just got through with the interview. | ||
| I'm not on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, come on. | |
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| There's so many people out there that are looking to be angry. | ||
| They're looking to find something. | ||
| They just can't brush it off as something innocent or joking around. | ||
| And especially when it comes to something like asking a young kid, giving him advice, how to bump into a chick's tits. | ||
| Maybe I did fuck up. | ||
| You fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Which is what you tell him to do. | ||
| Tell him to let her watch him on TV and then she'll probably like him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's compelling. | |
| Alright, I'm gonna have to call Hudson tonight and be like, yo, remember that technique I told you about kind of brushing up against the boots? | ||
| New plan! | ||
| New plan. | ||
| Uncle Joe wants her to watch the show first. | ||
| Trust Uncle Joe. | ||
| Tell them the pussy bus is coming. | ||
| They're loading it up right now. | ||
| Once you get on TV, they're going to want to brush their tits up against you. | ||
| Then it's way better. | ||
| Wait for them to brush up against you. | ||
| That sexual assault, nobody complains about that sexual assault. | ||
| There's not a guy alive who's ever complained about a girl brushing her tits up against you. | ||
| But I remember the first time I saw up a skirt was incredible. | ||
| I was in Earthspace science class. | ||
| I was in earth space science and there was this one Colombian chick that was so fly. | ||
| Like always came done up, was the first one to be wearing heels in school. | ||
| How old was she? | ||
| Well we were both 14. So we were both 14. She might have been 15. She was wearing heels? | ||
| She was wearing heels and I remember she had this like houndstooth dress on. | ||
| And I was just like, yo, her legs look like fucking hams right now. | ||
| They look like Christmas honey-baked hams in there. | ||
| And I could not stop looking. | ||
| And I remember she turned to me, smiled, and just opened her legs and nodded. | ||
| And I was like, looked, and it was just peach fuzz and bear. | ||
| And I was just, oh! | ||
| Life changed. | ||
| She had no underwear on? | ||
| No underwear. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| She just flashed it. | ||
| I was 14 and I was just like, and I was like, me? | ||
| She was like, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Oh, like, this is for you. | ||
| Yeah, and I was, I was cooked. | ||
| I couldn't talk to her. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, that was my first time. | ||
| I'm getting nervous just thinking about it. | ||
| Yeah, that was my first time. | ||
| But, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So maybe I should have just told Hudson, just keep staring. | |
| Just be at the right place at the right time. | ||
| Even staring, they call that eye rape. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| You've been reading The New Yorker? | ||
| No. | ||
| I like to read super progressive websites where they're just out of their fucking mind. | ||
| It's mostly people that no one wants to fuck. | ||
| And what they're trying to do is establish these parameters for what is appropriate and not appropriate. | ||
| It's mostly against men. | ||
| I think that's the thing though that doesn't work because like I'm all about women's rights and ideologies and all those things is I just went and did a whole piece in Japan about why the birth rate is declining there and I was like championing the fact that we've asked women to go into the workplace but then not redistribute the duties of home and child-rearing and child-bearing and it's just like We have to redistribute the duties that are traditionally left for women because they're working now. | ||
| We all got to share. | ||
| But then when you just have rules of like, don't do this and don't do that, you're not really understanding the relationship of like men, women, and society. | ||
| You're just setting weird ass rules that make everybody upset and uncomfortable. | ||
| Well, it's also like who's setting those rules. | ||
| Like one of them is about drinking. | ||
| Like they're saying that men and women when they're having sex, this is a hilarious blog that I like to read occasionally. | ||
| And they were trying to say that if men and women, if they're both, if they're drinking, if you're drinking and you have sex with someone, it's rape. | ||
| Including if a woman is sober and the man is drunk. | ||
| If the woman has sex with a drunk man, she's raping him. | ||
| She's raping him. | ||
| She's raping him, which is fucking hilarious! | ||
| It is hilarious. | ||
| That might be my favorite position. | ||
| Me being drunk, her being sober, that is my favorite position. | ||
| The language that they use is that if you're drunk, they put you in a position where you cannot consent. | ||
| You're not able to consent because you're drunk. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Which is, first of all, it's rude towards women, because some women have to be drunk. | ||
| It's a strategy. | ||
| They do it on purpose. | ||
| They want to be drunk so that they can deal with the fact they're gonna let some dude fuck them. | ||
| A lot of dudes are annoying as shit, and women get horny, and they're like, God, I don't want someone to fuck me, but I don't want this idiot to throw a few shots back. | ||
| Yeah, we all do that, yeah. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| I can understand it if it's like in fraternities and sororities because the rampant rape on college campuses is insane right now because at that age just nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But like adults, man, like who's having sex without drinking? | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| Like, without some combination of, like, wine, Xanax, or weed, like, nobody's having sex. | ||
| Sober people. | ||
| We would be Japan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sober people. | ||
| You know, people who are, like, in the program or something. | ||
| Alcoholics Anonymous people. | ||
| What do they do? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Have terrible sex. | ||
| Go jogging. | ||
| Get a runner's high first. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Man. | |
| Hold the breath. | ||
| Hold the breath. | ||
| Go spinning and then smash. | ||
| Then you gotta shower. | ||
| Then you gotta shower twice. | ||
| What the fuck is up with that? | ||
| Yeah, and the high might wear off. | ||
| Coffee sex. | ||
| A runner's high doesn't last nearly as long as I get edible. | ||
| It's a nice cold brew. | ||
| Coffee sex. | ||
| I would get crazy lockjaw and dry mouth with coffee sex. | ||
| Coffee sex. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For real. | |
| For real. | ||
| If I drank coffee and then she sat on my face, there would be serious problems. | ||
| If you drink coffee, your cum is more likely to get a girl pregnant. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, the sperm is more active. | ||
| Drink green tea. | ||
| Drink green tea. | ||
| Even the same thing, caffeine. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it's caffeine. | ||
| Caffeine makes your sperm more active. | ||
| That's for real. | ||
| Nothing is safe these days. | ||
| Nothing's fucking safe. | ||
| Nothing's safe. | ||
| There's nothing safe, including sex. | ||
| It's not safe. | ||
| So, point being, don't tell this 12-year-old kid the wrong shit because as the climate becomes more and more hostile towards men, it's going to get crazier and crazier. | ||
| You guys really think I fuck? | ||
| We should ask the Twitters and just be like... | ||
| Don't ask Twitter anything ever. | ||
| So, I'm just going to correct this and tell him to stare and tell her to watch your show. | ||
| Just stay offline. | ||
| Don't Google your name. | ||
| Keep moving. | ||
| Don't exist. | ||
| Just don't exist. | ||
| Just keep moving. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Well, the things that you used to get away with when you, you know, like natural boy-girl type shit, it's like, you know, people take offense to that stuff now. | ||
| Yeah, like the Annie Hall thing when he just, he goes to grab her. | ||
| I don't remember Annie Hall. | ||
| Oh, it's great. | ||
| He's like, it's like Alvy Singer as a kid and he goes to kiss the girl and then the girl's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Even Freud talks about a latency period, Alvi. | |
| I don't remember it. | ||
| I saw it so long ago. | ||
| Woody Allen. | ||
| Here's another one. | ||
| Bad example. | ||
| I shouldn't put myself... | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| We should just change the subject. | ||
| Have you ever seen those photos of Woody Allen with the girl on his lap when she was a little girl when he was the dad and then the two of them together? | ||
| Yeah, I can't see that. | ||
| Wait, the girl who... | ||
| Oh, his wife. | ||
| His wife now. | ||
| Well, she was sitting on his lap when she was a little girl at a basketball game and then many years later she's sitting next to him holding his hand as his wife. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's like, yo. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Well, seeing it laid out like that, it's very dark. | ||
| It's like, there's one thing, like, if you hear about it, like, well, maybe he didn't spend a lot of time with her. | ||
| But then you see the photo with her on his lap at a basketball game. | ||
| Yeah, and when you see them now, even in the garden, it's bogged. | ||
| It's totally booked out. | ||
| It's amazing that he goes out with her. | ||
| He's got mad balls. | ||
| I mean, that guy's got crazy balls. | ||
| Do you need to be ringside or courtside that fucking bad? | ||
| With your daughter wife? | ||
| No. | ||
| Stay in the nosebleed. | ||
| Just cuffing with your daughter wife? | ||
| Don't even go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch it at home. | |
| They have it on TV. Yeah, you got voodoo. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck, man? | ||
| It just seems like it's not a good move. | ||
| But I don't think people can. | ||
| He got no fucks given. | ||
| That dude just does not care. | ||
| I think because of that, people don't care. | ||
| I mean, he just got a big deal on it. | ||
| I don't know if you read about an Amazon TV deal. | ||
| He's doing shows for Amazon. | ||
| Not even a thing, you know? | ||
| Well, he's a really good director. | ||
| He writes and directs a new movie every year. | ||
| Have you ever seen how he does everything, too? | ||
| He does it all with a typewriter. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Oh yeah, there's a video. | ||
| See if you can pull it up, Jamie. | ||
| It's a fascinating video, Woody Allen explaining his writing process. | ||
| He's got a video, he's got a typewriter, and then when he does changes, when he does any sort of a change to one of his scripts, he cuts a piece of paper out and fucking tapes it down over the other place. | ||
| I mean, him and Wes Anderson are definitely my favorite directors. | ||
| Yeah, Woody Allen as typewriter. | ||
| It's kind of fucking weird, man. | ||
| I mean, I think this is one of the ways he avoids the internet. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Right, to stay sane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The house is always full of clarinet reeds every place. | |
| Clarinet reeds. | ||
| And it's a German typewriter, and it's an Olympia portable. | ||
| I've had it my whole life. | ||
| It cost me $40, I think. | ||
| The guy told me it would be around long after my death. | ||
| And I've typed everything that I've ever written, every script, every New Yorker piece, everything I've ever done on this typewriter. | ||
| It used to have a metal piece on top covering this, which I lost 30 years ago. | ||
| One advantage, obviously, to a word processor is you can electronically cut and paste. | ||
| What do you do when you have to cut and paste? | ||
| If I'm typing something, I have my scissors here, and I have a lot of these things, these little stapling machines. | ||
| So, if I'm typing something, I type the... | ||
| The part looks like this. | ||
| You know, nobody can really type my stuff because it looks terrible on the page. | ||
| So I have to type it because I have arrows and all kinds of things. | ||
| But when I come to a nice part, then I cut that part off. | ||
| And staple it on to something else with this. | ||
| I mean, it's very primitive. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But it works very well for me. | |
| This dude is sewing screenplays. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, there's no problem. | |
| How bizarre. | ||
| Yo, I fucking love that. | ||
| I love this dude. | ||
| Like, he's just so... | ||
| Maybe people... | ||
| You can't forgive any of that shit. | ||
| It's really, really fucked up. | ||
| I think people just aren't shocked by it because he's such an idiosyncratic weird dude. | ||
| Nothing with him surprises anybody. | ||
| Well have you ever seen his old stand-up? | ||
| I have a record of his, like an old, old record of his. | ||
| I mean, he was pretty good. | ||
| I mean, it's like weird stories. | ||
| Well, he's a fucking pervert, man. | ||
| He was always a pervert. | ||
| There's some stand-up of his. | ||
| You know that stand-up, black and white, near a staircase? | ||
| It's from old, just look like rare Woody Allen stand-up. | ||
| Well, all his work is about sex and psychology. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| Bananas, sleeper. | ||
| With younger women, that's like a theme. | ||
| Well, he's a pervert, man. | ||
| Just like it's a rare old piece. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| 65 rare. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Listen to him talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
...museum of art, which is this fabulous museum of art. | |
| And when I was younger, I used to hang out a lot at the museum in search of a meaningful social... | ||
| Relationship. | ||
| I used to look for girls at the museum. | ||
| And I saw on the wall once a nude by Rubens, but a real succulent nude. | ||
| A naked huntress stabbing to death a warthog. | ||
| And I got very emotionally involved with the painting, you know. | ||
| Two guards had to restrain me. | ||
| Tried to lick some of the oil off the canvas. | ||
| He's a creeper! | ||
| At that time, where is it that I could meet the kind of girl that would pose for that type of picture? | ||
| And in my neighborhood, there's an art supply shop that deals in offbeat things. | ||
| And I run down there and I get the name of an artist model off the wall. | ||
| And I call her up. | ||
| And I came on very strong like an artist. | ||
| You know, I used a lot of very artistic terms like brush, I said, and easel. | ||
| I was just adorable. | ||
| And we agreed on a price, you know, and hung up. | ||
| And I got all dressed up in my smock and beret, you know, and little Harvey's Bristol cream on the hair. | ||
| I'm too much when I want to be. | ||
| And I waited there. | ||
| Now, a lady, there's a knock on my door, and standing there is this fabulous woman, but really sensational. | ||
| I let her in quickly, you know, and I lock the door with my police lock immediately. | ||
| And I said to her, take off your clothes right away, because I don't know much about art, but I know what I like. | ||
| I don't like too much of it. | ||
| So he was always a creeper, man. | ||
| A little glimpse, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He was always a creeper. | ||
| I mean, which is good and bad, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| It's like that Cosby Spanish fly bit. | ||
| I mean, like, that was telling. | ||
| Yeah, the Cosby Spanish fly bit was dark. | ||
| Crazy, yeah. | ||
| That's dark. | ||
| Yeah, especially now. | ||
| Yeah, he talked about that on more than one occasion, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, did he? | |
| Yeah, there was another thing. | ||
| He talked about Spanish Fly in an interview. | ||
| He was doing an interview with someone, and he talked about Spanish Fly. | ||
| Like a casual interview? | ||
| Like a panel, like doing a panel on a talk show, and he talked about Spanish Fly. | ||
| Oh man, that's weird. | ||
| That was just like a part of his daily life. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I wonder what the fuck that was. | ||
| We're never going to hear it from his mouth, which is too bad. | ||
| You ever see that documentary, Iceman, Portrait of a Serial Killer? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's on Netflix, though. | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| It's an HBO documentary where they sat down with this guy who was a notorious hitman, killed a bunch of people, and they sat down with him and talked to him about how it started, who was the first person he killed, what was his methods, and you hear the guy talk, and you hear his mentality, and you understand where he was coming from, and he's like, whoa. | ||
| You just have a glimpse into the eyes of a monster and you kind of understand how it went down. | ||
| Because we don't often get a chance to hear interviews from serial killers or hitmen or whatever. | ||
| But to have Cosby sit down, if he ever did come clean, like maybe if they ever did arrest him and he came clean and he started talking about what he did or why he did it or he couldn't help himself or what was the impulse. | ||
| I mean, I can't imagine, because I don't think like that, but it's just like, maybe, I don't know, maybe some people think they're entitled to shit. | ||
| That's where it might be, right? | ||
| That's my guess, is that either you have an impulse you can't control, but then it's like, how can you have so much control in the rest of your life? | ||
| Then I start to think, like, you have self-control, so it can't be an impulse thing. | ||
| It has to be that you feel you've justified this in your mind, and you feel entitled to this. | ||
| Well, he has always been a guy that's been known as being very arrogant and a guy who is... | ||
| My manager met him and he had a very, very poor opinion of him. | ||
| He said in meeting him he treats everybody like he's a king and like you're supposed to have a certain behavior towards him. | ||
| He shit on a lot of younger black comics too. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| Everyone is dirty. | ||
| Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, that famous bit that Eddie Murphy did in Eddie Murphy Raw where he talked about he had to call up Richard Pryor because Bill Cosby saw his stand-up and called him up and chastised him. | ||
| You know, and he called up Richard Pryor to ask him for advice, and Bill Cosby goes, Do the people laugh? | ||
| Did you get paid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, tell Bill to have a coconut smile and shut the fuck up. | |
| It's a famous quote. | ||
| Dude, Pryor. | ||
| And Pryor's the greatest. | ||
| The greatest. | ||
| Hands down, the greatest. | ||
| I feel like there's two greatest of all time. | ||
| I always say that Sam Kinison was the greatest for one year. | ||
| For one year, I don't think anybody was ever stronger. | ||
| Especially in that time, in 1986 or 1987. But he didn't sustain it. | ||
| He just kept doing coke, and his material went way downhill. | ||
| But over a long-term period of time, Pryor was the greatest. | ||
| And the most influential. | ||
| Everything that most people would hide, he just... | ||
| It was on stage. | ||
| He just said it. | ||
| He had nothing to hide. | ||
| He was a unique, unique talent, man. | ||
| Very unique guy. | ||
| He also was unique in that he would be real honest about his drug use. | ||
| The drug use thing was a very big part of his stand-up. | ||
| Especially after he tried to kill himself, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you never felt like he was telling jokes. | ||
| It really just felt like you're just a naturally funny guy talking about deep, dark shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It never felt like set up, punchline, set up, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he was just talking, you know? | ||
| Even though you knew he was calculated in his delivery, it was just so comfortable. | ||
| And it's hard to put it in perspective because back then, if you listen to like some Cosby or some Richard Pryor from like 1981 or something like that, it's hard to put your brain back in 1981 because it was just a different time. | ||
| The world was young. | ||
| The media had not had the same influence that it has now. | ||
| Do you think your show... | ||
| Do you ever wonder, like, man, like, is your show gonna get fucked with because it's censored? | ||
| And do you ever think, like, maybe it would have been a freer show if I did it on Showtime or HBO? Did you think about doing it? | ||
| Yeah, we got offers from other production companies. | ||
| And, you know, the thing for me was I wanted to fight this battle. | ||
| I wanted to take the story to network television and be like... | ||
| Let's take this to Western Michigan. | ||
| Going to cable, that's preaching to the choir. | ||
| That's me, you, Randall, my friends. | ||
| We all watch Showtime, HBO, Netflix, and I have the Vice show. | ||
| But there's a huge difference in the people we're going to reach with this show and my Vice show. | ||
| Isn't the Vice show the same name? | ||
| No, they bought the name from Vice. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| I had licensed it to Vice and then it got sold over. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| Vice was awesome because ABC needed the name. | ||
| It was the name of the book. | ||
| For me, they were calling it Far East Orlando. | ||
| Far East Orlando? | ||
| If it wasn't such a bad name, I wouldn't have taken the name from the Vice show. | ||
| Shane and those guys are great, man. | ||
| They really did me a favor. | ||
| They didn't have to do that. | ||
| That's why I fuck with them so heavy. | ||
| Shane doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He does the right thing. | ||
| Legitimately doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Shane does the right thing. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| I'm very critical of my experience with 20th and ABC and those things. | ||
| But I would never lie. | ||
| I'm not just here to say nice things about Vice. | ||
| Those dudes always come through. | ||
| They always do. | ||
| They do the right thing. | ||
| And so we put it on ABC because I was like, we can't go out with Far East Orlando. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That name was fucked. | ||
| Far East Orlando. | ||
| What does that even mean? | ||
| Is that where you grew up? | ||
| I was like, just call it a chink's life, you know? | ||
| Dreamworks, a chink's life. | ||
| Did you grow up in Orlando? | ||
| Is that why they did it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It takes place in Orlando, like in the 90s. | ||
| Orlando's a dark place. | ||
| A dark fucking place. | ||
| People don't know. | ||
| No. | ||
| You got Disneyland, and then everything that's outside of Disneyland is very strange. | ||
| I took a lot of ecstasy to stay positive. | ||
| In Orlando? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When did you develop the New York accent? | ||
| I've always talked like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It's super fucking weird. | ||
| Is it hip-hop? | ||
| I think it's hip-hop, it's watching so much basketball, and then... | ||
| My parents don't speak English at home, so my English is learned. | ||
| So, in a way, I think it's you choose the way you talk, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, it's just, all I did, I just watched gangster movies, listened to hip-hop, watched basketball, and it is what it is. | ||
| I've always sounded like this. | ||
| That's interesting, man. | ||
| Even when I was in Orlando, I remember there was a few girls, I was like, are you from Brooklyn? | ||
| And I was like, no. | ||
| D.C., Orlando, Pittsburgh, and then I've been in New York, Brooklyn for like 10 years, so then it just crystallized. | ||
| Solidified, crystallized. | ||
| It formed. | ||
| How long do you have to live in a place before you accept the accent? | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| Like if you're from Georgia, and then you move to New Jersey, and then you start talking like you're from New Jersey, and then you go back to Georgia, they're gonna go, what the fuck, man? | ||
| But you know, even if you spend a week in Atlanta, because in Atlanta you're just tossed. | ||
| You just scissor up and alcohol all weekend, and you get so faded that I end up saying things a little weird even after a week in Atlanta. | ||
| You get that fucked up when you go to Atlanta? | ||
| I get fucked up in Atlanta. | ||
| I like Atlanta. | ||
| Shouts to Cooker. | ||
| Alright, my man Cooker. | ||
| We went out to Follies last time. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| So, that's that shit with codeine in it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, A $AP Yams passed like a week ago, man. | ||
| Is that what he passed from? | ||
| Nobody knows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who passed? | |
| What? | ||
| There's no cause of death. | ||
| The guy, A $AP Yams, who's like the architect of the whole A $AP mob, this rap group from Harlem. | ||
| And he had this crew called the Blackout Boys. | ||
| And it's like... | ||
| My boy Aaron had a t-shirt, did the logo, Blackout Boys, and then they had a crew, they got a podcast, but he passed like a week ago, known scissor, Xanax dude, and so... | ||
| But they haven't, yeah, they haven't said why, right? | ||
| Yeah, no, they haven't said why. | ||
| But, you know, after it happened, I know a lot of friends of mine were just like, dude, we can't, we gotta chill with this. | ||
| We got to chill. | ||
| Well, that codeine syrup... | ||
| I never did it, but I did do some NyQuil. | ||
| I've talked about it on the podcast before. | ||
| I took NyQuil once. | ||
| I was really sick, and I got that old NyQuil. | ||
| This is like in the 1990s, and it was wonderful. | ||
| But NyQuil, like... | ||
| The real NyQuil. | ||
| Like half a bottle type of thing? | ||
| Yeah, there's codeine and some other stuff. | ||
| No, I didn't get... | ||
| I mean, I took the dose of what you were supposed to take. | ||
| Oh, your jelly leg. | ||
| Your jelly leg, yeah. | ||
| I was just lying in bed like the world was giving me a big beautiful hug. | ||
| It was all love. | ||
| It just felt so good. | ||
| I'll never forget. | ||
| I remember thinking, this stuff is wonderful. | ||
| Yeah, it's like drinking Robitussin in middle school or high school. | ||
| I would just drink Robitussin for fun. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you couldn't get alcohol. | ||
| Me and my boys just drank Robitussin. | ||
| So how did it get into the rap community? | ||
| Syrup. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Syrup. | ||
| I think it was Houston. | ||
| Houston and Atlanta. | ||
| It was Southern. | ||
| It was just, you know, Pimp C, R.I.P. Like, Pimp C died too. | ||
| But, I mean, those dudes, all the rap a lot. | ||
| Yeah, the rap a lot dudes. | ||
| Because it slows your heart rate down. | ||
| That's how he died too? | ||
| He died from syrup? | ||
| He died. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yams, we don't know. | ||
| Yams, nobody has confirmed. | ||
| So nobody knows how he passed. | ||
| But, like... | ||
| People know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How old was he? | |
| It's like an epidemic. | ||
| Was he 26? | ||
| Yeah, I was like 26, I think. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I'm not sure, man. | ||
| That's fucking young. | ||
| That's young to pass. | ||
| Yeah, that's why, I mean, I'm not joking about it anymore, because it's like, dude, it's pretty dangerous. | ||
| It'll creep up on you. | ||
| You think it's just cough syrup, but it'll creep up on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Damn. | ||
| That's a thing with the youth today, though. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| There's a lot of kids that are drinking cough syrup. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I did it growing up, like not all the time, maybe like once or twice a year or something like that, but I never saw it as that serious. | ||
| But now you start to see people pass it. | ||
| It's serious, you know? | ||
| Well, they're doing it probably every day. | ||
| I'm not sure, man. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| It's just not to be fucked with. | ||
| Also, people in Philly, like in Harlem, they'll do pancakes and syrup, which is you drop the Xanax into the codeine, and then that's just goodnight. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's goodnight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were in Boston two weeks ago, and there was this dude that was fucked up, and he was standing in front of the W Hotel, and Just standing there, his pants were like half falling down, and he just kept leaning forward like he was gonna face plant. | ||
| Like, he's going down, he's going down! | ||
| And then he'd catch himself. | ||
| And then he'd move forward every time he did it to the point where he was in the middle of the fucking road. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| In the middle of the road, just fucked up and then leaning forward. | ||
| And my friend was like, he's drunk. | ||
| And I'm like, that guy is not drunk. | ||
| Like, that is some next level shit. | ||
| That's not drunk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's on some pills or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he kept, like, leaning forward, and then we're like, he's going! | ||
| And he faceplanted and just catched himself. | ||
| We watched him, like, five minutes. | ||
| My friend was like, rescue him. | ||
| I'm like, rescue him? | ||
| You ain't rescuing that guy. | ||
| You rescue that guy, you gotta go back to his childhood, figure out what the fuck made him the way he is. | ||
| You gotta take a time machine, kill his parents. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of shit you gotta do to rescue that guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It'll put the hooks in you, man. | ||
| Like, that's why, you know, kids don't do drugs, right? | ||
| It's rough, man. | ||
| It's rough. | ||
| You don't need it. | ||
| You can just smoke some weed, kids. | ||
| Yeah, I don't even really smoke weed. | ||
| I mean, I smoked, like, three nights ago, but I've stopped having weed in the crib. | ||
| Like, I'll smoke when I'm out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I noticed, like, I went through some family shit, and I noticed I would get really depressed when I smoked. | ||
| Like, it would just make me depressed. | ||
| And I was like, this really is a depressant. | ||
| So, I just smoke socially now. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| To make you depressed? | ||
| Like, when I'm really sad about, like, when there's something going on, I feel like I don't have my own self-control if I'm smoking weed. | ||
| Like, I can control the emotions and block things out, but once I smoke weed, it's just like, it'll hit you. | ||
| It makes you hyper-aware. | ||
| Yes, super aware. | ||
| You wallow in it. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes that's not protecting you. | ||
| But I always feel like the plant is trying to let me know all the real shit that I'm dealing with and all the dangers of all the shit that I'm dealing with. | ||
| That's like where paranoia comes from. | ||
| People say, weed makes me paranoid. | ||
| I'm like, well, you should be fucking paranoid if you're paying attention. | ||
| What weed is doing is letting you aware Letting you become aware of all the variables that may be pushing aside or putting blinders on. | ||
| Yeah, I think I've just been stressed lately, a lot of shit going on in my life, and I was like, whoa, I can't look at all this 24 hours. | ||
| I have to be able to just get away from this. | ||
| And when I was smoking weed, it was like, Kaboom! | ||
| I marinated in it. | ||
| And I was like, I can't do this, man. | ||
| So I got it out the house now, just smoking when I'm with friends, you know? | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Well, I think like everything, you know, you need moderation. | ||
| You can't just be high all day, every day. | ||
| You've taken breaks before too, right? | ||
| Oh yeah, I take weeks. | ||
| I'll take weeks off of it. | ||
| Like if I go on vacation or whatever, I always take breaks. | ||
| I've never gotten anything from smoking it. | ||
| I've been like eating it on occasion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got some shit right here. | ||
| We'll get you something. | ||
| I feel totally different eating. | ||
| I feel good eating it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But smoking it just doesn't do it for me. | ||
| Well, I'll explain it because I've explained it a million times in the podcast. | ||
| People are tired of hearing it. | ||
| When you eat it, it's a totally different drug. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you eat it, it's processed by your liver and it becomes something called 11-hydroxymetabolite. | ||
| It's four to five times more psychoactive than THC. But it's a totally different drug. | ||
| It's way more powerful. | ||
| That's why you can have one of those little 75-milligram THC candies. | ||
| You can have a 15-milligram THC. If you're Joey Diaz, you go with the 75. But those 15-milligram THC candies, they just give you a nice feeling, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just feel good. | |
| You feel relaxed. | ||
| Yeah, you're Iron Man with the eating because if I eat, I bug. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bug out. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I can smoke. | ||
| It's about the volume. | ||
| It's like you just got to get the right guy to sell you the right amount. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| The right amount is... | ||
| I feel like 20 milligrams is good. | ||
| And you get crazy and you start getting into 50 and 75 and, you know... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know dudes who go deep. | ||
| Like my friend Joey, he goes deep. | ||
| Joey will chomp two 150s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, he'll have panic attacks and shit on airplanes. | ||
| See, I ate an indica beef jerky, and I ate the whole jerky myself. | ||
| It was supposed to be dosed between a couple people, and I thought I died. | ||
| I woke up my brother, I thought I died, and I was like, I'm a ghost. | ||
| You gotta take me to the hospital. | ||
| And he took me to the hospital, and I'm doing jumping jacks in the emergency room. | ||
| Straight jumping jacks. | ||
| And they're like, why are you doing jumping jacks in the ER? And I was like, I need to feel alive. | ||
| I need to feel like my heart is beating. | ||
| If I stop, I'm gonna die. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, if I stop, I'm gonna die. | ||
| And the doctor rolled up on me. | ||
| He's like, son, there's nothing I can do for you. | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| Really? | ||
| I'm doing jumping jacks. | ||
| And he's like, I have one piece of advice. | ||
| And I go, what is it? | ||
| He goes, if you're gonna eat weed, don't be such a pussy about it. | ||
| But it got me sober. | ||
| This was the doctor. | ||
| Yeah, the doctor woke me out of it because all of a sudden I was like, wait, so you say I'm not going to die? | ||
| He goes, you're not going to die if you stop being a pussy. | ||
| Just stop it. | ||
| Whoa, the doctor said this? | ||
| How old was the doctor? | ||
| Dude, he was like a 40-year-old white dude. | ||
| Really cool. | ||
| In Houston. | ||
| I did this on the road in Houston. | ||
| Yeah, I don't need to be in Houston in Atlanta. | ||
| I just get in trouble. | ||
| Houston in Atlanta? | ||
| Why Houston in Atlanta? | ||
| You could just get a... | ||
| I had like a liter of something. | ||
| It was some sort of like vodka, some shitty vodka. | ||
| We rolled up to the Smoothie King because you could get the Smoothie King drive-thru. | ||
| Dump out half your smoothie, fill the rest with vodka and scissor, and then just goodnight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a place in West Palm. | ||
| There's the improv in West Palm. | ||
| It was right... | ||
| It was connected to this place. | ||
| I forget the name of it, but they used to have these drinks that were like... | ||
| It was like a frosty... | ||
| Like, what are those things? | ||
| Like, you know, you get them at the movie theater? | ||
| You know, they're fucking those... | ||
| Yeah, slushies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Slushies. | |
| Like a slushie. | ||
| But they were alcohol. | ||
| And there was one called Call a Cab. | ||
| Because if you drink it, you need to call a cab. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like five drinks in one drink, like five drinks worth of alcohol in one of these fucking things, and you would drink it, and you didn't know what you were drinking, because it was so sweet. | ||
| Like, as you were drinking it, it didn't feel like alcohol. | ||
| There's a slight alcohol taste to it. | ||
| But good lord, you're about to make some fucking poor decisions after you drink that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good lord. | |
| And when I was younger, you'd just get up, you'd be in another town, you're like, yo, we in Atlanta, yo, let's wild out. | ||
| And it was like twice a year, I would just be like on my Lights Out dance shit, right? | ||
| I'm like, yo, it's time to do the Lights Out dance. | ||
| That's what you call blacking out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The lights out dance. | ||
| Remember Sean Merriman played for the Chargers? | ||
| He was doing the crazy lights out dance? | ||
| And I was like, yo, I'm about to do the lights out dance. | ||
| But I had to chill, man. | ||
| After that, I was like, I'm too old for this shit. | ||
| Well, it's very, very bad for the liver. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta get out of here. | ||
| Randall's gotta go. | ||
| Want to let him out, man? | ||
| Thanks so much, guys. | ||
| Thanks, Randall. | ||
| Appreciate it, man. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Gotta pick up my daughter. | ||
| Alright, sir. | ||
| I'll talk to you soon. | ||
| Thanks for being on the show. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And good luck, man. | ||
| Good luck with the show. | ||
| Good luck with all that North Korea shit too, son. | ||
| No, he's the best dude. | ||
| For real. | ||
| Yeah, I hung out with him before the show. | ||
| He's a good dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a crazy position to be in, man. | ||
| To play a dictator in a movie that gets banned. | ||
| Sony is so scared of it, they pull it out of the movie theater. | ||
| I have so much respect for him because you meet a lot of people who they'll do anything for a role. | ||
| He was trying to give his role back and be like, I don't think I'm the one for this. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I was like, I've never seen Honor like this from anybody in this industry. | ||
| So, I mean, he's for real. | ||
| Yeah, that's amazing that he made that decision. | ||
| It's amazing that the movie freaked him out less than the show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, one of them was just social pressure or social responsibility and the other one being like a real legitimate threat where Sony's hiring armed guards. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it seems like he freaked out about that less than your show. | ||
| For him, it was more morals and values and like representing. | ||
| He used to be like an Asian studies professor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| There's kids, like I'll put up a photo of him on Instagram and they're like, yo, that's Randall Park. | ||
| He was my professor or my like graduate assistant or whatever. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow, that's hilarious. | ||
| Well, he seems like a very educated, measured sort of a dude. | ||
| Yeah, real smart. | ||
| That's a wild, wild thing, man, to be a part of one of the most controversial movies in all of history. | ||
| I mean, if you think about Hollywood movies... | ||
| Probably the most controversial. | ||
| It's right up there with Passion of the Christ. | ||
| Do you remember Passion of the Christ? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there was that one, and there was the other one before Passion of the Christ. | ||
| Willem Dafoe played Jesus in a much more controversial film a long fucking time ago. | ||
| I don't remember that one. | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| Yeah, I don't remember the name of it, but people were mad as fuck. | ||
| Because I think he had a sexual relationship with Mary in the movie or something like that. | ||
| The Last Temptation of Christ. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| People thought it was blasphemous. | ||
| But it's still... | ||
| The thing about Christians is, man, you can piss them off and they'll fucking get angry and you get a few death threats, but it's not like someone drawing Muhammad, like this Charlie Hebdo thing. | ||
| That's the most fucked up of all the religions to pick on. | ||
| You pick on the Muslims and they do dark shit. | ||
| You start to see a pattern though, right? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| People, whether it's France or America, people in like a position of power, feel like they're entitled, right? | ||
| We talked about entitlement. | ||
| They feel entitled like I have to be able to make fun of everybody. | ||
| And sometimes it's just, is it worth it? | ||
| Well, they think that you've got to change the culture. | ||
| I think a lot of people think that it's almost a responsibility to take those risks because at the end of the day, anybody that is angry to the point where they want to kill someone for satire is in the wrong. | ||
| No, it is. | ||
| And you have to protect free speech. | ||
| And the only way to protect free speech, like Sam Harris felt that everyone should have, like unilaterally across the board, like every magazine, every newspaper should have published all those images. | ||
| That's the only way they could ever protect free speech. | ||
| How do you feel? | ||
| Well, I'm not a publisher, so I see Sam's point, but I also see the point of people that don't want to publish it because they don't want to risk their lives for something that they feel like is a story they're reporting on. | ||
| They don't feel like it's their responsibility because they didn't create those cartoons, but they feel like this is a story they're reporting on. | ||
| They can report on that story without putting them in danger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is not like the first time someone's been killed for making a drawing about Muhammad. | ||
| I mean, there's Like there were some credible threats against the South Park guys after they did those episodes of South Park where they had Mohammed in like a guy like was in a teddy bear outfit and then they put him inside a truck he was talking from inside a truck and they still were getting like credible threats like people were saying they were gonna kill him. | ||
| I absolutely believe in everybody's freedom of speech to say whatever it is you want to say like you have to have that right but You also have to know there's gonna be repercussions you can't expect. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you have to calculate it, right? | ||
| Because it's also, do you have to, like, did we have to make the interview? | ||
| Did that movie have to get made? | ||
| I didn't see it, so I can't say. | ||
| If I saw it and it was as funny as, like, Team America, I would say, yeah. | ||
| Yo, I love Team America. | ||
| You know, I don't even think North Korea's mad about Team America. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I fucking love Team America. | ||
| But that's why the South Park dudes, I love them. | ||
| Because they have a purpose and there's something they're really saying. | ||
| And it's like everybody can be in on it in a way. | ||
| The interview is not nuanced like that. | ||
| Randall does a really good job for, I'd say, two-thirds of the movie humanizing Kim Jong-un. | ||
| But then, of course, the writing takes a dive and it just is like, okay, here's everything we expected to see in this movie. | ||
| They had to wrap it up, probably. | ||
| They wrapped it up, Hollywood proper. | ||
| For people who are in oppressed countries or in oppressed ideology, it's why continue to poke them. | ||
| You know they're going to respond badly. | ||
| You kind of have a responsibility. | ||
| People just don't fucking poke that dog. | ||
| And if you're gonna poke that dog, you gotta have a real, solid, legitimate point to what you're doing. | ||
| Yeah, there has to be a positive social benefit to what's going on here. | ||
| It's not just to create a stunt to flex the muscle of freedom of speech. | ||
| Yeah, there's deep responsibilities that you have when you tackle any Really super controversial subject. | ||
| This is some deep responsibilities. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's one of one of the deepest, right? | ||
| Yeah, just even me and you. | ||
| I probably have the legal right to say whatever the fuck I want to say. | ||
| But like, why would I say that to you? | ||
| I respect you. | ||
| You know, I mean, you know, we do it in our daily lives. | ||
| Well, you could see, you know, I mean, I could see if they I don't know. | ||
| The Charlie Hebdo thing is strange because what was really fascinating to me was not necessarily... | ||
| I mean, it was horrible what had happened. | ||
| It wasn't necessarily surprising, right? | ||
| But what was surprising to me was like super progressive people who were criticizing the magazine, saying that this is in response for racist cartoons. | ||
| And they were almost justifying it in a way. | ||
| They were saying they weren't justifying it, but by focusing on what they felt was racist cartoons instead of like, so what? | ||
| You know, the assassins stormed a magazine and shot people. | ||
| At a grocery store, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you guys are looking for social brownie points by trying to be like the most progressive, sensitive, non-racist people alive. | ||
| There's only one response. | ||
| The response is you should never kill someone for drawing something, period. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I fully agree with you. | ||
| There's no justification for any of this radical fucking stuff. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| I don't even connect it to Islam. | ||
| I think it's a cover. | ||
| It has nothing to do with Islam. | ||
| These are just people on their own doing wild, crazy, abhorrent behavior. | ||
| My thing is, as the rational people in this situation, as the rational people in a relationship to these radical movements, it's just, why incite it? | ||
| It's not worth it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, we have to be better. | ||
| Right, but when does it end? | ||
| I mean, how do you stop that sort of behavior? | ||
| Do you kill everybody who thinks like that? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| I mean, how do you end... | ||
| Well, people keep joining ISIS. Right. | ||
| And people keep joining Al-Qaeda. | ||
| And, you know, there's a lot of those, you know, Vice, I think, did something called, like, Children of the Drones. | ||
| And talked about how, I think me and Shane talked about it last time we were here. | ||
| But it's, you know, people whose families have been killed by drones, they'll sign up. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| They'll go do that. | ||
| And you would, too. | ||
| And I would too. | ||
| If you were in that land and your family got killed by some fucking robot shooting missiles out of the sky and they killed the wrong people, which happens way more often than not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're way more unsuccessful than they are successful. | ||
| Like, think about it this way, Joe. | ||
| Like, their lives just don't count like our lives matter. | ||
| You know, this happened in Paris. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| There's a terrible tragedy. | ||
| There's no justification for any of this. | ||
| But then it's, you know, what's going on with Boko Haram? | ||
| Those lives aren't worth as much as the ones in Paris, at least in the eyes of the press and in the eyes of the aid. | ||
| Because there's Somalis that were killed and they're black. | ||
| I mean, I think, yeah, those are some of the factors. | ||
| I think there's even more, but even with drones, it's like we accept that innocent people get killed. | ||
| If this was in America, I mean, we wouldn't accept this. | ||
| Imagine if cops were using drones. | ||
| We wouldn't fucking accept that. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's Nigeria, actually. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I was wrong. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| The world today, the climate of the world today, it's so disturbing. | ||
| It's so disturbing that we would think it's okay to engage in a practice where the great majority of the people that get killed by that practice are innocent, which is what drones are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And also the thing for me is just like, I definitely... | ||
| I definitely fully agree with you that there's never a reason to kill anyone over a satirical article, picture, whatever. | ||
| But the fact of the matter is, do we want to save lives or do we want to make a statement about free speech? | ||
| I think it's about saving lives. | ||
| I think it's about doing the right thing and saying, these people feel oppressed. | ||
| We've killed, you know, who knows why they're joining ISIS, who knows why they're joining Al-Qaeda, but we need to go the extra mile and figure out why they're mad, address these things, and not just, like, sit on our high horse. | ||
| Because they're mad! | ||
| And they probably have some reason for it, and whether it's rational or not, let's diffuse it instead of inciting it. | ||
| Like, that's my opinion, is that we're not wrong, but, like, let's solve the problem. | ||
| And the other problem is, once you have someone whose child, who's the child of someone who was killed by drones, or your children were killed by drones, and you become, you know, this sort of a radical fundamentalist You can't turn that around. | ||
| There's no eye for an eye there. | ||
| You've created something that almost has to go through generations and generations in order to calm down. | ||
| And there's no way to have any sort of immediate fix. | ||
| And everybody wants an immediate fix. | ||
| You want an immediate fix. | ||
| Oh no, man. | ||
| This is going to take hundreds of years. | ||
| Imagine even if you weren't killed by drones or you're just a kid in Iraq or Afghanistan and you've seen your entire neighborhood blown up and you're born into this life. | ||
| You have no choice. | ||
| You have nowhere to go. | ||
| You have no opportunity. | ||
| There's no hope. | ||
| And then, the one thing you have is religion. | ||
| You see people writing these cartoons, making fun of you. | ||
| What else do you have? | ||
| We're really kicking people who have nothing. | ||
| And when you poke people who have nothing, It's not reasonable, but bad things are going to happen. | ||
| And that's what fuels the sort of crazy conspiracy theories about the military-industrial complex being this sort of perpetual war machine. | ||
| Like, create enemies like that. | ||
| That's the way to create enemies. | ||
| Destroy areas. | ||
| Kill a million innocent people in Iraq. | ||
| That's the number that I've heard. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| Somewhere between several hundred thousand and a million innocent people have died as a direct result of our actions in Iraq. | ||
| Just that number alone, man. | ||
| That's almost ensuring there's going to be some sort of a fucking military conflict over there for a long time. | ||
| And the people that are alive today that are involved in selling arms in the military industrial complex, they're going to profit off of that action for a long time. | ||
| And what do we have against these people? | ||
| You don't have anything against them. | ||
| I don't have anything against them. | ||
| How could you? | ||
| I don't know why we're there. | ||
| Like, no idea. | ||
| We're there for false pretenses for both places, whether it's Afghanistan or Iraq. | ||
| The idea behind it was a lie, especially Iraq. | ||
| I mean, the idea that... | ||
| The one thing is like, hey, you know, we got rid of a dictator. | ||
| Yeah, we definitely did. | ||
| He's a piece of shit. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| But as a piece of shit, we propped up. | ||
| We put him in the place in the first place. | ||
| We helped him out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now what's better? | ||
| What's better? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that better than ISIS? I mean, we divided that country. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, we divided that country and then... | ||
| Palestine, all the countries had something to do with that. | ||
| And then we look at Iraq and people, even the cynical ones are like, we're there for oil. | ||
| But look at oil prices now. | ||
| With fracking and natural gas, now the oil prices dropped. | ||
| So now why are we still fighting people? | ||
| Well, there's still money. | ||
| You know, even though there's not as much money, there's still a shitload of oil. | ||
| Yeah, like I'm against fracking, but if it can create Middle East peace, like maybe I'm for fracking. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like I'm definitely against fracking, but it's just like we can't win with anything, man. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| People are gross. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In many ways. | ||
| Yeah, and they say the world temperature was the hottest year ever on record since they kept... | ||
| And they said that by 2025, it's going to greenhouse gases, the temperature of the earth will be irreversible. | ||
| And like... | ||
| Who knows if that's true, but I feel like we should just start to work on it now. | ||
| Well, they could start to work on it now, but I think the real issue is once the cycle has begun, it's almost impossible to turn around. | ||
| It's kind of got to play out. | ||
| I had this guy Randall Carlson on my podcast, and he's going to be on again soon. | ||
| I'm going to pull that shit up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
February 2nd. | |
| He'll be back again. | ||
| And he's a fascinating guy, and he's an expert on cataclysmic events. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And global warming, he said, is far preferable to global cooling. | ||
| He's like, everybody that's worried about global warming, all the great periods in history as far as advancement, as far as innovation, civilization, they all have followed global warming. | ||
| Global cooling, on the other hand, these were all natural cycles. | ||
| Before we started inventing machines and carbon emissions and all that shit. | ||
| But the global cooling, he said, ice ages is terrible. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, we could debate this forever, but the thing is that this is an artificial warming. | ||
| Well, it's artificially accelerated. | ||
| There's a natural cycle that you could track that's always existed of warming and cooling and uncontrollable, like the Ice Age. | ||
| That wasn't caused by man. | ||
| And the ending of the Ice Age also wasn't caused by man. | ||
| They believe it was caused by asteroidal impacts. | ||
| Around 12,000 years ago. | ||
| But this is something that Randall's an expert in. | ||
| I mean, he had these charts and graphs and showed us all these photographic pieces of evidence. | ||
| Does he think global warming's a good thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, he doesn't. | ||
| Well, he, you know, everyone's like, the debate is settled. | ||
| He's like, the debate hasn't even begun. | ||
| Like, it hasn't even begun. | ||
| But he's saying, this is not, it's, look, it's definitely not good. | ||
| Pollutants aren't good. | ||
| Particulates are what he's really worried about more than the warming. | ||
| He's worried about what we're doing to the air and places where they're burning coal. | ||
| If you look at China and these cities that are almost unoccupiable. | ||
| People can't live there. | ||
| They're walking around with fucking masks on their face everywhere. | ||
| The sky is perpetually dark gray. | ||
| He said, that's particulates. | ||
| He said, that's what we should really, really be concerned with, pollutants, what we're doing to the ocean. | ||
| But he's like, global warming is a bad thing, but it's not nearly as bad as the alternative. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| He said, global cooling is terrible. | ||
| Terrifying. | ||
| I gotta listen to that one. | ||
| Woo, he scared the fuck out of me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, he also scared the fuck out of me because he was explaining all the verifiable instances of asteroid impacts throughout history. | ||
| Verifiable. | ||
| Where they've... | ||
| Asteroids have hit, or comets have hit, things have hit the Earth, and just... | ||
| Fucked everything sideways. | ||
| They tie this into these ancient structures that are totally unexplained. | ||
| There's some ancient structures from pre-10,000 years ago. | ||
| They didn't even know people could build these kind of things back then. | ||
| They thought that 10,000 years ago people were hunters and gatherers. | ||
| So they've tried to explain a lot of these structures, especially because they're made out of stone. | ||
| They've tried to explain them by saying, no, they were built much sooner by modern people, and they just forgot how they built them. | ||
| They were built like 2,000 years ago or something like that. | ||
| But since they've discovered some structures that they have verified that are 12,000, 14,000 years old, like there's some stuff in Turkey that they found, this place called Gobekli Tepe, they found for sure 12,000 years old, huge stone columns with 3D reliefs of animals on them and shit, all really sophisticated stuff. | ||
| Hunters and gatherers at the time they were supposed to be wearing animal skins and throwing pointy sticks at fucking moving creatures, you know? | ||
| So the this guy Randall Carlson points to all these These instances of core samples where they find a stuff called nuclear glass that only exists on nuclear blast test sites and Where asteroids hit it's all over Europe and Asia at around 12,000 years in the core samples and Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there's unverifiable evidence. | ||
| And this is not just him. | ||
| There's also all these other geologists that have found these micro-diamonds that only exist from massive impact craters, massive impacts, just huge, powerful events. | ||
| So they think that somewhere around 12,000 years ago, we were just hit. | ||
| And that happens. | ||
| It's not whether or not it's going to happen again. | ||
| It's when is it going to happen again. | ||
| And you never know when. | ||
| You never know when. | ||
| And things come behind the sun and we can't even see them until it's too late. | ||
| Because the sun, the gravity of the sun, bends space and time because it's so immense that you literally can't see them when they're headed your way. | ||
| They're headed your way but we can't view them. | ||
| So there's things that pass near us that we didn't see until it's like, oh Jesus. | ||
| Life's really too short, fam. | ||
| It's really too short. | ||
| And even if you don't get hit by an asteroid. | ||
| Dude, I'm 47. I'm halfway dead. | ||
| Looking good, Joe. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| But there's no getting around that. | ||
| Even if you stay looking good. | ||
| I met Cindy Crawford. | ||
| I think she's like 51 or something like that. | ||
| So bad still. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Smoking. | ||
| Still bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| You know, some girls, they hit that wall hard, but this bitch has been preparing for that wall. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's got fucking rubber shoes. | ||
| She puts her feet up. | ||
| She's bouncing back. | ||
| I don't know what she's doing, but whatever she's doing, she should write books and give seminars. | ||
| Yeah, she broke through that wall. | ||
| She's doing something. | ||
| She's beautiful. | ||
| I mean, not just beautiful for 50. She's beautiful. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So, you know, but that doesn't matter. | ||
| She's going to die, too. | ||
| They all die. | ||
| Everybody dies. | ||
| So whether you get hit by an asteroid or global cooling or global warming or... | ||
| But the reality is civilization itself might not exist if we get hit. | ||
| That's why all the other shit we're talking about, people are like, they treat it like life and death, and it's just like, like, come on, man. | ||
| It's perspective. | ||
| Nothing's worth it. | ||
| It's all perspective. | ||
| I mean, it's life and death for them, because their life is dog shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| If your life is amazing, it's not life and death if somebody draws a cartoon of your fucking leader. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| But even when I was broke just selling, doing whatever, like fucking around, like, life was still dope. | ||
| It was mad fun. | ||
| Well, you're a fun dude. | ||
| You got a great personality, which is why you should be some sort of an entertainer in the first place, you know? | ||
| Agent Joe Pesci. | ||
| We make this happen. | ||
| You want to be De Niro? | ||
| You want to be Ace? | ||
| No. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I'm not interested. | ||
| You don't want to run the Tangiers? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think I do too much as it is. | ||
| It's too confusing already being a podcaster slash cage-fighting commentator slash stand-up comedian. | ||
| That shit is all too confusing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're UFC. You kill it on UFC, though. | ||
| That shit is great, man. | ||
| I'm not even a big UFC fan, but just because when it's on at the bar or my friends are watching, it's fucking dope to see you on that shit, man. | ||
| Oh, thanks, man. | ||
| I enjoy doing it. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's crazy how the athletes, the level of athletes, is just fucking through the roof now. | ||
| You're getting these John Jones-type characters, Anthony Johnson-type characters, that you see high-level athletes now that probably would have been playing other professional sports like baseball or basketball or something like that, and now they're fighting in MMA, and you're seeing just, woo! | ||
| Just some high-level shit. | ||
| Gladiator shit. | ||
| I could never imagine fighting any of those dudes. | ||
| Dude, you gotta want to do that and only that. | ||
| That's gotta be what you want to do. | ||
| There's people that, like, David was on the podcast once, David Cho, and he was talking to me about, you know, he wanted to have an MMA fight. | ||
| I'm like, don't do it. | ||
| He's like, I just want to do it just to say I did it. | ||
| I'm like, don't. | ||
| You're gonna fight somebody... | ||
| You fight someone who lives for it, and you can't do that. | ||
| You fight some dude, and he'll head kick you, and you'll be depressed for the rest of your life. | ||
| Yeah, Cho's so fucking talented, and he really can do 99% of everything he wants to do, but UFC is in that 1%, and it's like, Cho, no matter how talented you are, you will get fucked up. | ||
| Well, I mean, if he dedicated his whole life to it, I mean, from the time he was, like, 15 on... | ||
| Not if Critter's training him. | ||
| Like, Critter fucking broke his rib. | ||
| Like, Critter's idea of being his personal trainer is just, like, kicking him in the stomach. | ||
| And it's like, take it, Dave. | ||
| Did he do that? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| He kicked him in the stomach? | ||
| Dude, he broke his rib somehow, training him. | ||
| And then I remember I asked Critter, like, what's he doing? | ||
| He's like, oh, I got Dave, like, running down the street, man. | ||
| He's just running down the street. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the... | |
| Critter's gonna break Joe. | ||
| But it's perfect for Joe to have a guy like Critter. | ||
| He's so crazy. | ||
| Critter's hilarious. | ||
| All that shit that went down with him, there was the same thing that we were talking about earlier. | ||
| The social justice warriors attacked him because of the story that he told on his podcast. | ||
| But if you know Dave, he's got this flair for entertainment where he exaggerates the truth. | ||
| There's no one coming forward to say that he raped them. | ||
| This is like He's bullshitting. | ||
| It's half bullshitting for fun, for theater, for excitement. | ||
| Dude, these days, man, you never know. | ||
| Well, people are just waiting to get upset. | ||
| Instead of actually getting upset, they're waiting to get upset. | ||
| And also, people have one perspective only. | ||
| I watched this. | ||
| Here's a perfect example. | ||
| I was online today and I was following this abortion debate between these two people and it was the most bizarre thing ever where someone was talking about at what age does the fetus become a person. | ||
| And the argument, like, watching both sides go back and forth. | ||
| And it wasn't even, this wasn't even, like, a right-wing versus left-wing side. | ||
| It was, like, someone who was, like, an objective rationalist, who was debating someone who was a hardcore left-winger, who was also, like, one of these, like, super white knights defending women, you know? | ||
| And one of the arguments was, it was so hilarious, that it's a woman's right to choose. | ||
| I have no business saying what a woman should or shouldn't do with her body, which is... | ||
| Universally, I agree with that as well. | ||
| But what they were saying was, this is where it got really crazy. | ||
| No person has the right to exist in another person's body without permission. | ||
| So what they were saying, the argument was that a baby doesn't have the right to use a woman's body without her permission. | ||
| I was like, this is fucking crazy. | ||
| A baby cannot use a woman's body without her permission. | ||
| They're so pro-woman. | ||
| So pro-right. | ||
| You were talking about like nine months in. | ||
| Like at what point... | ||
| The real debate was, and this is, I think, is a real debate. | ||
| And this is, again, coming from me, who's pro-choice. | ||
| There's a real debate as to when is that a person. | ||
| And to say that it's not a debate is fucking horse shit. | ||
| To say that it's not a debate that a woman who gives birth tomorrow kills the baby today and it's her prerogative. | ||
| Like, okay, really? | ||
| Like, at what time is this creepy? | ||
| At what time is this abhorrent behavior when someone has a living being inside their body? | ||
| Well, it's not a living being until it's born. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like, come on, man. | ||
| You have to have some flexibility to your perception because this is a strange and very unusual situation where you can terminate a life. | ||
| I mean, I think you can terminate a life. | ||
| I mean, the image that they were showing was a three-day-old embryo and the head of a pin started this conversation, which just looks like a few cells. | ||
| But when it's a fucking baby with an umbilical cord and a heartbeat and eyes and its fingers are moving, like, whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To pretend that's just, you know, no person has a right to use a woman's body without her permission. | ||
| Like, oh, really? | ||
| You're absolutely right that there is a debate that is being had constantly at what point something becomes a human being. | ||
| Because there are people, I mean... | ||
| Obviously it's a human being once it comes out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not a black and white issue. | ||
| It's just not. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It's very... | ||
| I'm super pro-choice, though, and I just, as a man, I feel like women need to decide what they want to do with their bodies. | ||
| And, you know, we run so much in this world that, for me, I just don't want to legislate women's bodies, like, from my perspective. | ||
| Even though it sucked to be in a personal situation, if I had a girl and we were having a kid, Eight months in, she doesn't like me anymore, doesn't want to have a kid and wants to... | ||
| I mean, dude. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That would be some shit. | ||
| Well, not only that, does a woman even have a right to tell a woman what she can and can't do for her body? | ||
| Obviously, a man, we don't understand. | ||
| We don't ever get pregnant. | ||
| It's not our concern. | ||
| Or it's not up to us to decide, I should say. | ||
| But for a woman, can a woman tell another woman that she can't have an abortion at nine months? | ||
| I mean, like, what... | ||
| Where do we draw this line? | ||
| It's also a question, too, like, where, like, does the government have an ability to legislate? | ||
| Imagine if you were dating someone and you guys were having a kid and she was eight months pregnant and just on a whim decided, you know what, I feel like I don't want this baby to be a tenant in my stomach anymore. | ||
| Yeah, this baby does not, there's a person who does not have permission to use my body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, whoa. | |
| That was the way they phrased it. | ||
| That would really test my intellectual and, like, reasonableness, right? | ||
| That would really put me to the test. | ||
| And that's why when you think about those situations, you're like, can we even logically vote on this? | ||
| Like, you can't really have an opinion or vote on this until you're in that situation. | ||
| You kind of, like, it needs to be... | ||
| Well, the person he was debating with started insulting him, the super left-wing white knight person, started insulting him and calling him an idiot, which is always when you know that they're falling apart in the debate, because he was saying, okay, well, you were saying before that it's not a person, and now you're saying no person has the right to use someone's body without their permission. | ||
| So what the fuck is it? | ||
| Is it a person? | ||
| Are you killing a person that doesn't have the right to use your body? | ||
| Or is it not a person until it's born? | ||
| And then they start insulting them because they realize the moral conundrum, the logical conundrum that they're in. | ||
| There's no black and white there. | ||
| Whether you're a pro-choice or whether you're pro-life, that issue is a very bizarre issue. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I'm all about women's rights and the rights over their body. | ||
| That one, that one, I don't have the answer. | ||
| Nor do I want to be part of the decision making, to be honest. | ||
| Like, I just don't feel like I got the fucking facts for that one, kid. | ||
| I don't think anybody has the facts for that one. | ||
| That's one of those things about life itself. | ||
| If someone wants to abort a baby at eight months for no real good reason, besides just maybe not wanting to pump it out, like that's, dude, that's, that's, wow. | ||
| But there's a lot of people that are willing to jump up and defend women and jump into this position of being the sort of... | ||
| This defender no matter what. | ||
| This defender of women's rights. | ||
| Nothing in the world is absolute though. | ||
| That's the thing I think people have to believe in. | ||
| People hold it as a badge of honor. | ||
| I defend this no matter what. | ||
| They're looking for social brownie points instead of objectively discussing a very bizarre issue. | ||
| Well, it's a very bizarre issue. | ||
| Abortion's bizarre. | ||
| Even you brought up Cho, right? | ||
| We all love Cho. | ||
| And that podcast episode with the masseuse rape story, dude, that put me in a tough spot. | ||
| That put me in a tough spot, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And like, people were calling me and asking me, and they're like, you're an Asian man too. | ||
| Do you think this is an Asian male angst thing? | ||
| And I was like, yo, number one, this has nothing to do with race. | ||
| It has nothing to do with what part of the country your ancestors came from. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| And I'm just like, but I can't, I mean... | ||
| He's the homie, and so I know who he is, and I know his intentions, but if I didn't know him, I'd be tight at that. | ||
| If you really did that, I never ask him, but in my mind, if you did that, I don't know if we could be friends, homie. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Well, what exactly did he say? | ||
| He said that he asked her to touch it, she started jerking him off, and then he grabbed her head, and he asked her to suck it, and she didn't want to, and then he grabbed her head, and then started mouthfucking her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what he said, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's all... | ||
| It's so bizarre. | ||
| Like, it's so David Cho. | ||
| It's so Cho. | ||
| It's really the line. | ||
| Like, that motherfucker just stands on the line, and, you know, you... | ||
| Well, if you're a woman and you heard that and you'd imagine being this poor woman who's a massage therapist who's being... | ||
| Probably doesn't speak English. | ||
| Yeah, taking this millionaire guy's money and you really, you know, you can't do anything about it. | ||
| You're shoving your penis in her mouth. | ||
| That's pretty indefensible, dude. | ||
| She's already jerking him off. | ||
| I mean, what's up there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no. | |
| She didn't want to. | ||
| She just doesn't want to lose her job. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Yo, I've been with women where even, like, I'm so careful with this shit, you never know. | ||
| Like, I'll be dating a girl for a couple years, and it's just, you know, no forcible blowjob. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I just can't do it. | ||
| But I dated a girl who used to like that. | ||
| That was her thing. | ||
| She used to watch porn where guys were, like, grabbing the back of a girl's head and forcing the head on her dick. | ||
| And I was like, why do you like that? | ||
| I mean, if somebody gives me the Asian Joe Pesci rule and I have to force Ginger to suck my dick, I'm gonna be morally compromised. | ||
| Like, I don't do that in my normal life. | ||
| Yeah, but it's a role. | ||
| But if you're dating a girl and that's her thing, she likes you to grab her head. | ||
| I mean, it's not involuntary. | ||
| She wants you to do it. | ||
| If it's discussed beforehand and she signs the papers with my lawyer so that for the next six months I can, you know, do this and that's what you want, sure. | ||
| Have you ever seen that Louis C.K. joke about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| He's dating some girl or hooks up with some girl. | ||
| They start making out and he tries to have sex with her. | ||
| She says no. | ||
| And then he sees the next day and she goes, what happened last night? | ||
| And he goes, what do you mean? | ||
| She goes, well, why didn't we have sex? | ||
| He goes, well, I tried, but you didn't want to. | ||
| She goes, no, I did. | ||
| And he goes, well, why did you say no? | ||
| She goes, well, I was hoping you would just go for it. | ||
| He goes, what? | ||
| Like, you wanted me to rape you on the off chance that you're into that shit? | ||
| No, that's the shorty that, like, fucks everybody. | ||
| Not only are you fucking women and women's body image and women's rights, but now you're fucking dudes. | ||
| Because now you just taught a dude to move, like, rubbing your elbow into the boobs. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, now you put a really bad tool in the toolbox. | ||
| Yeah, it's not... | ||
| Because the next time Louis C.K. gets the message, oh, it means yes! | ||
| It's a great bit. | ||
| It's a great bit. | ||
| Because any man who dates more than X amount of women is going to come across... | ||
| You meet a psycho. | ||
| You're going to come across an aberration. | ||
| A very rare person who has weird... | ||
| Like this girl that I used to date who wanted guys to grab her head and force it on her dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She wanted to blow me, but she wanted me to grab... | ||
| I dated her for a while. | ||
| It was her shit. | ||
| That was what she was into. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She wanted to get on her knees and she wanted you to grab the back of her head and like face fuck her. | ||
| I'm so funny. | ||
| I've been in a situation where it's like I want to be choked, right? | ||
| Or I want to be smacked or whatever. | ||
| And like, look, in the heat of the moment, the customer's always right. | ||
| So I'll do it, right? | ||
| I'm in the service industry. | ||
| But after, I'll always be like, yo, man, is something wrong? | ||
| You okay? | ||
| What the fuck did your dad do to you? | ||
| And I'm always kind of just like, yo, this... | ||
| Because I would never want to be punched in the face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you're a guy, and I think there's also a different... | ||
| There are women who have legitimate rape fantasies. | ||
| Yeah, it's a social structural thing, though. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| I don't think a dude wants to be raped, right? | ||
| Or is it a masculine-feminine thing? | ||
| Well, there's definitely men who want to be raped. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Yeah, why do you think? | ||
| I have a friend. | ||
| No, not Jamie. | ||
| But I have a friend who likes getting tied up, man. | ||
| He likes girls to beat him up. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| No, you're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| There are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There are. | |
| He likes being abused. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There are. | |
| I'm glad you brought that up. | ||
| Because I was about to chalk it up to, like, we live in a patriarchal society and we treat them like shit and that must be why they want this. | ||
| But you're right. | ||
| There are dudes, too. | ||
| Yeah, there's people that encompass every single spot on the spectrum. | ||
| Look, there's men who wish there were women, there's women who wish there were men, there's men who like to beat women, there's women who like to beat men, there's men who like to get beat up by women. | ||
| I think the end of the story is basically just like, sexually, people are fucked. | ||
| And there's no normal. | ||
| There's no normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The customer's always right. | |
| There's a law that they're passing in California called the Yes Means Yes Law. | ||
| And the idea is you're supposed to get verbal consent. | ||
| The idea is to curb these college rape issues, which are constantly... | ||
| And a lot of them, they think... | ||
| They think there's one way to mitigate that is to make sure that people communicate because sometimes things are just happening and women feel awful about it afterwards, but they didn't know how to stop it when it was going on. | ||
| So the idea being that a guy has to say every step of the way, can I take your clothes off? | ||
| Can I put my finger in you? | ||
| Can I put my dick inside you? | ||
| Can I do this? | ||
| Can I do that? | ||
| And there's like a video that accompanies it called Consent is Sexy. | ||
| And it's hilarious. | ||
| This weird campaign where you got this hipster looking dude with a goofy fucking beard. | ||
| And he just looks like kind of a bitch. | ||
| And he's with this really hot girl and he's like, can I kiss you? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And he kisses her. | ||
| And it's just like ordering toppings on a sandwich. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can I take your shirt off? | |
| She's like, not yet. | ||
| Yes, pepperoncini. | ||
| Yes, olives. | ||
| It's fucking weird, man. | ||
| And she asks him, can I touch your leg? | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| Let's just get this straight. | ||
| You can do whatever the fuck you want, okay? | ||
| You got the green light, honey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Just tell me when I can stick it in. | ||
| We need the fucking, the easy pass. | ||
| Just like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
The easy pass! | |
| Yeah, we'll put that shit on our forehead. | ||
| It's like a turkey tester. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Boink! | ||
| See that sticking out? | ||
| That's a go. | ||
| Yeah, it's just like, you're at the casino buffet. | ||
| Just bring your plate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking eat everything. | ||
| Yeah, I'm gonna put a fucking thing over your neck, a lanyard. | ||
| While you're wearing that, you can do whatever you want. | ||
| Touch me any way you want. | ||
| You got a green light. | ||
| But, you know, like a girl saying, can I touch your leg? | ||
| And the guy goes, yes. | ||
| Like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What guy has ever said, I didn't give you permission to touch my leg. | |
| Yes means yes. | ||
| Don't touch my leg. | ||
| And also the asshole in me, like, I would have more fun, like, just fucking with them than actually fucking them. | ||
| Like, if they were like, can I touch your leg? | ||
| I'd be like, just this area here. | ||
| Only an inch above my knee. | ||
| Don't disrespect my thigh. | ||
| Five inches below my taint, three inches above the knee. | ||
| You're safe. | ||
| You touch anything else, I'll fucking cut you. | ||
| Well, there was a guy who was debating it. | ||
| Well, he was arguing with this yes means yes thing. | ||
| And he had this really important point. | ||
| He said, there was a moment that happened to me when I was in college. | ||
| He goes, where I met this girl. | ||
| We were at a bar. | ||
| And I had a couple drinks. | ||
| We never talked. | ||
| She looked at me, I looked at her, and she raised her eyebrows, and she went like that, like this, come here. | ||
| And the guy walked towards her, she put her hand out, he grabbed her hand, he took her into the woman's bathroom and fucked her in a stall. | ||
| And he said, we never talked. | ||
| He goes, it was one of the greatest nights of my life, because I've jerked off like a hundred times since then, thinking about it. | ||
| I never talked to her again, we didn't become boyfriend and girlfriend. | ||
| I didn't speak to this girl. | ||
| We didn't exchange words, it was a loud call. | ||
| He went to the bathroom with her and they fucked. | ||
| They fucked. | ||
| They didn't even know each other. | ||
| And he's like, this could not happen with this yes means yes shit. | ||
| It was the greatest night of my life. | ||
| Not only that, he goes, it was instigated by a girl, like giving me the come here face, you know, and grabbing my hand. | ||
| And next thing you know, we're in a bathroom and we're having sex. | ||
| You know, like, that kind of shit does happen with people. | ||
| No, I mean, pretty much every girl, I mean, the thing you try to block it out when you're in a relationship, but pretty much every girl you know is given a bathroom blowjob. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Sorry, guys. | ||
| All your wives probably suck the dick in a bathroom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is what it is. | |
| It is what it is. | ||
| You have to accept it. | ||
| Girls like boys, boys like girls. | ||
| Some boys like boys, some girls like girls. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Yeah, it's fine, and bathrooms are totally fucking fine places for it all to go down. | ||
| Asteroids are common. | ||
| Asteroids are common, motherfucker. | ||
| The world is warming. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And to legislate this shit is just like, come on, man. | ||
| It's not the way. | ||
| The way is education more than legislation. | ||
| That's the way. | ||
| But how do you educate a kid that's 18 years old that grew up with douchebag parents and he's got some sort of a sociopathic mindset? | ||
| How do you educate people out of that? | ||
| Besides psychedelic drugs, besides some total reset of the mind with Ibogaine or Ayahuasca or DMT or mushrooms, without that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And even that doesn't always work. | ||
| There's people that are fucking complete sociopaths that have done all kinds of psychedelics. | ||
| I know people that are out of their fucking mind, egomaniacs, that are like purportedly psychedelic users. | ||
| And I'm like, how is that guy a psychedelic user? | ||
| He doesn't check himself at all. | ||
| He's not looking at himself introspectively at all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it doesn't work on everybody, man. | ||
| It's like we were saying, the spectrum is just giant. | ||
| It's giant. | ||
| We are so fucking weird. | ||
| Humans are just fucking weird, bro. | ||
| We're weird. | ||
| And I almost think we have to be weird in order for this super organism to exist the way it exists and function the way it functions and in order for innovation and culture and society to exist. | ||
| It almost seems like everybody has to play this very weird, unique role. | ||
| And some people are pretty obvious and pretty straightforward and cookie cutter and you're like, oh, I've seen one of these before. | ||
| And then other people, you meet them and you're like, whoa, this bitch is crazy. | ||
| I want people to be as weird as they possibly can as long as it doesn't infringe on my ability to be weird myself. | ||
| Yes, there you go. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's like the basis of the social contract. | ||
| I want you to be fucking psycho. | ||
| Yeah, the weird thing is when someone tries to prevent you from being who you are because whatever you enjoy offends them, even if it doesn't hurt anybody. | ||
| Yeah, or if your desires require somebody else to be victimized, then that's too weird, buddy. | ||
| Well, that's different. | ||
| But as long as no one's being hurt and everyone is... | ||
| Agreeable upon the act like it's like gay marriage or gay sex at all like anybody's got an issue with people that are fucking each other Like what do you care like what what is it about you? | ||
| Whether it's religion or whether it's a you know social issues What is it about you that gives a fuck what someone does if two chicks want to live with each other and put on rubber strap-ons and plow each other all day Why does that freak you out enjoy? | ||
| Yeah, enjoy. | ||
| It's a big world. | ||
| It's not like there's only five people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could do it upstairs for me. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I might care if you're loud. | ||
| You live in one of those old apartments with squeaky floors. | ||
| I love noise when I'm sleeping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| I need noise. | ||
| Yeah, I have to turn the TV on, leave the TV on and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, I don't like quiet when I sleep. | ||
| Wow, that's weird. | ||
| New York, when the garbage truck came, I was like, fantastic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I sleep good. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Where do you live in New York? | ||
| Well, my apartment my brother has now is in Fort Greene on Adelphi between DeKalb and Lafayette. | ||
| Is that Brooklyn? | ||
| Yeah, that's where my brother lives there now. | ||
| You don't live in New York? | ||
| No, I live out here now. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| How long have you been out here for? | ||
| Seven months. | ||
| We gotta hang. | ||
| We gotta hang and we gotta do a regular podcast, man. | ||
| You're hilarious. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| I love you doing it, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, do you open the window up out here to hear the horns and shit? | ||
| I leave the window, but I'm like the border of Malibu Palisades, so it's super chill. | ||
| Yeah, I just leave the TV on. | ||
| Oh, that's what you do. | ||
| Watch a movie, fall asleep. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Have you always been like that? | ||
| Yeah, you know, I think because my mom was always screaming and yelling and fighting with my pops. | ||
| So it's like, I went to bed with Connie Corleone just breaking on the plates every night. | ||
| Wow, that's interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, people are adaptable as fuck, man. | ||
| Some people, they cannot deal with the city. | ||
| They come in the city and start freaking out. | ||
| And some people, they freak out when they go to the country. | ||
| They just don't like it. | ||
| No, I'm desensitized. | ||
| I've seen anything that you could possibly throw be thrown. | ||
| My mom's a maniac, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's hilarious. | |
| They're still together, though? | ||
| Yeah, they're still together. | ||
| They still fight all the time. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My grandparents fought so hard, dude, that I thought that I would never get married. | ||
| I thought I would never have a relationship. | ||
| I had issues with relationships based on not just my parents, my mother and father, my actual father. | ||
| I grew up with my stepdad, who was a great guy, but my actual dad was a real fucking piece of shit. | ||
| And he was very violent, abusive, and I saw a lot of domestic abuse. | ||
| I heard a lot, but I saw some like... | ||
| Dark shit when I was a little kid. | ||
| And then my grandparents, they didn't physically fight, but they would fucking scream at each other so hardcore that I would never want to be in a relationship. | ||
| I was like, fuck this. | ||
| Just screaming at each other. | ||
| My parents physically fought, and... | ||
| I used to always reach for the phone and call the cops, and both of them would be like, don't do it! | ||
| And I was like, wait, the one thing you guys can agree on is for me to not call the cops? | ||
| And they'd be like, go upstairs! | ||
| Hide your brothers! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What?! | |
| And I would just like put my brothers under the bed and then close the door and they were younger than me because I was the oldest. | ||
| Like, what's going on? | ||
| And I had no answers for them, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I had no answers. | ||
| They were younger than you? | ||
| So you were the one that had to make sense of it all today? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, it was rough. | ||
| It was rough, man. | ||
| Well, my sister was a year younger than me when my mom and dad had like this physical altercation that made my mom move out of the house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My dad smacked the shit on my mother in front of the kitchen, and my little sister ran and hid, and I hid, and we were both freaked out, but my sister just shut it out. | ||
| She doesn't even remember it. | ||
| She doesn't talk about it. | ||
| I can't forget it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because, in my mind, it was like, okay, now I know that my dad is a shithead. | ||
| Like, I used to think that, like, he was a hero, and he was a great guy, and, you know, everybody wants to think their dad is Superman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, when it was undeniable proof that he wasn't, it fucked my head up, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I only had my little sister. | ||
| She was only a year younger than me. | ||
| It wasn't like I had to explain everything. | ||
| Like, my youngest brother is good with it. | ||
| He's well-adjusted. | ||
| Me and my middle brother, we've never really let it go. | ||
| It's like a part of us. | ||
| And I wish that there was one parent that I could just be like, they're the good one and the other one's bad, right? | ||
| My mom would, like, throw hot water at my pops. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'd be like, what the fuck is going on? | |
| And then, you know, he would do his thing, he might smack her or whatever, and then she'd try to punch him, and then he'd hit her, and I was just like, this is WWF in the crib. | ||
| I got a friend who still fights with his wife, and his wife threw a fucking screwdriver at him and stuck him in the arm, like it stuck out of his arm, and he fucked her that night. | ||
| He goes, that shit turns me on. | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| And he goes, one time, man, one time, this is hilarious, they were watching a movie together, and she fell asleep at the movie, so he took his pants down, and they were watching 300, he took his pants down and put his asshole like an inch away from her head, and he goes, and he yelled something, she woke up and he farted right in her face. | ||
| That's a new movie, that's the cornholio. | ||
| Oh man, that's a new move. | ||
| And she fucking went crazy and she punched him in the mouth. | ||
| She fucking freaked me. | ||
| He goes, she fucking made me see stars. | ||
| Like she cracked me in the jaw. | ||
| And he goes, I fucking love it. | ||
| That shit turns me on. | ||
| I go, that turns you on? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| When I saw this stuff with my parents, I was just like, I never want to be in a family like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| Like, I've always just dated just nice, good people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| I like people that are nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're sweet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want no yelling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I'm not into yelling. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't want to yell at my friends. | ||
| I don't want anybody yelling at me. | ||
| That's the one thing I look for. | ||
| People ask, what do you look for when you hire people? | ||
| Good, trustworthy people. | ||
| Good values. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You can't teach that. | ||
| People have it or they don't. | ||
| Yeah, and avoid people that you can have disputes with. | ||
| Maybe it's not them, maybe it's how you get along with them that makes them the way they are, but whatever the fuck it is, just take the path of least resistance. | ||
| Yeah, it's because the asteroids are fucking coming. | ||
| They're coming! | ||
| Ebola's on the way. | ||
| All of the above. | ||
| Global warming, global cooling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This was fun though, man. | ||
| Yeah, I had a great time, brother. | ||
| Always fucking fun. | ||
| We gotta do it with my friend more often, right? | ||
| I'm around, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm around. | |
| We gotta hang. | ||
| And when does your show start? | ||
| February 4th? | ||
| February 4th, yeah. | ||
| February 4th, fresh off the boat. | ||
| Eddie Wong, you're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| Thank you, sir. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| And follow him on Twitter. | ||
| It's Mr. Eddie Wong. | ||
| H-U-A-N-G. Mr. Eddie H-U-A-N-G. Much love, my friend. | ||
| Death Squad. | ||
| He's here. | ||
| We're doing it more often, folks. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| See you soon. | ||
| It was so much fun to come, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. |
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