Jan. 20, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:58:55
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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uh the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day I need a new theme song. | |
| It's time? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 600 episodes, I think it's... | ||
| Yeah, but you haven't had that for the first 100. Yeah, whatever that is. | ||
| But it's still 500. I mean, it's great. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I used to like the... | ||
| Tell Nick Diaz that if he doesn't win, then you gotta get a new theme song. | ||
| I will never take his voice off the theme song. | ||
| We'll do a new theme song and we'll incorporate his voice. | ||
| That was one of the coolest moments of my life. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| Nick Diaz wins. | ||
| He's got his hands up in the air. | ||
| He's like, training by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. | ||
| I was like, that's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me. | ||
| Next to the birth of my children. | ||
| It's right up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So, we're all here because we're friends, and this is an intervention, Duncan. | ||
| I know you thought this was a podcast. | ||
| I can't stop masturbating. | ||
| You're gonna. | ||
| You're gonna have to. | ||
| I'm not gonna stop, man. | ||
| Because, Ari, tell them about the demons. | ||
| Tell them what happens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if we know this. | ||
| When Jews know that when people masturbate, they're actually fucking a demon that's on top of you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That you can't even see. | ||
| When you come, it comes into her belly, and you have demon babies. | ||
| The only way to get the Jews out of my body is to jerk off Jews. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| The only way to get the juice out of your body is to jerk off. | ||
| The demons out of my body. | ||
| Sometimes I get possessed by demons and they swell up in my chest and they cause my penis to expand and to change shape. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| When the demon gets inside of you and makes your penis change shape. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| I've seen that. | ||
| He becomes like the Stay Puft marshmallow guy. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| So you get demons too. | ||
| So when these things come, the only thing that gets the demon out is if I jerk off a Semitic man. | ||
| And then when I do that, I see the demon come out of my penis in the form of this white, salty substance. | ||
| And then it goes back to normal? | ||
| Your penis? | ||
| No, it stays like... | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| It stays aggressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's always screaming, howling at night. | ||
| So... | ||
| So we're here. | ||
| So we're here. | ||
| This is not happening. | ||
| The new show on Comedy Central. | ||
| Ari Shafir officially a baller. | ||
| Just had his new Comedy Central hour special. | ||
| Paid regular. | ||
| That was the coolest shit, man. | ||
| The Comedy Store was tweeting photos of the, and Red Band tweeted some too, of the patio. | ||
| The filled patio. | ||
| Everybody out there watching your special on TV while you were performing in the OR. That was the craziest picture. | ||
| Jeff Scott showed me a picture of you. | ||
| On stage, live at the store, and on stage. | ||
| And my special was from that same stage. | ||
| And you know what's even cooler? | ||
| If people come to see you now, I think your new material now is some of the best shit you've ever done. | ||
| It's right up there with the best bits you've ever done. | ||
| The new shit that you're doing now, the stuff you did in Vegas, it's fucking great, man. | ||
| It's really funny shit. | ||
| I got like eight of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What'd you say? | |
| You got eight minutes? | ||
| You got about eight minutes of that. | ||
| That's alright, dude. | ||
| Just keep swinging, you know? | ||
| I'm like at about 40 right now. | ||
| But it's 40 that I don't know it that well. | ||
| Yeah, well, now it's still ever evolving. | ||
| Like we used to say Jarvis, his friend Jarvis, my friend too Jarvis, he used to say that bits were like cooling metal or cooling honey. | ||
| So it was like real fluid. | ||
| Then as it gets cooler, it takes like more and more shape until it becomes like the same thing every time. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah, remember that? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| You told me when you were a talent coordinator, you told me that. | ||
| That's an interesting way to look at it. | ||
| I've always felt that they grow, though. | ||
| I've always felt that they're a living thing, and they become sturdy. | ||
| They start off as little saplings, and they're like, oh. | ||
| Sometimes they look impressive, and sometimes they come out, they're fucking trees. | ||
| There's certain bits that I've done that were already a tree before they ever got to the stage. | ||
| Like the vegan bit that was just on my last special. | ||
| I wrote that bit all after one conversation. | ||
| Did you name that bit Jamie Kilstein? | ||
| Jamie Kilstein, believe it or not, even though he talks a lot about being a vegan, he's not preachy about it. | ||
| And he also admits that he ate a lot of meat. | ||
| He's a bad example of that. | ||
| Jamie Kilstein gets a bad rap. | ||
| Part of it is because of the conversation that he and I had on the show, but... | ||
| What was that again? | ||
| What was that conversation? | ||
| I don't remember that. | ||
| If he's out there listening, Jamie Kilstein, I think you're a good dude. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think he's a genuinely... | ||
| What he's trying to do, he genuinely thinks he's doing really good things. | ||
| And he's just... | ||
| It was about the Daniel Tosh rape thing. | ||
| You know, Daniel Tosh made that joke where he asked the audience what they wanted to talk about. | ||
| Some guy yells out rape, and Daniel Tosh starts saying, like, yeah, what a great subject. | ||
| Like, what's so funny about rape? | ||
| Is it the humiliation? | ||
| Is it the violence? | ||
| Some woman says, actually, nothing is funny about rape. | ||
| And he goes, wouldn't it be funny if five guys just raped her right now? | ||
| And it became this big... | ||
| I mean, first of all, that's the kind of shit that happens at a goddamn comedy club. | ||
| You know, we all know that. | ||
| And the guy's just trying to be funny while he's on his toes on a stage in the spur of the moment. | ||
| Yeah, to me it's like a non-issue. | ||
| Yeah, so Jamie and I disagreed with it heavily because he felt like it's lazy and he felt like it contributed to rape culture, which is a term that gets bandied about. | ||
| It's a weird term. | ||
| Some people think it's a horseshit term. | ||
| There is no rape culture. | ||
| It's a real thing. | ||
| That's why if you see the Indian comics from India and stuff, they're super rape jokey. | ||
| Are you kidding? | ||
| No, that's all. | ||
| That's pretty much like all our comics. | ||
| Just talk about rape and gang rape. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| There's no Indian comics. | ||
| What about Russell Peters? | ||
| He's Canadian. | ||
| What about Aziz Ansari? | ||
| He's fucking from Houston. | ||
| Dude, they're Indians. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| They're brown as fuck. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I think there are Indian comics. | ||
| There must be, for sure. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Do they have a scene you think out there? | ||
| Must. | ||
| They have a giant movie industry there. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Their movie industry is bigger than our movie industry. | ||
| Super porny, right? | ||
| Isn't there always long sex scenes as well? | ||
| If you consider juggling fruit and singing in between a gunfighting scene morning, because all their movies still have musical numbers, where they will start in the middle of a real action movie. | ||
| When I went to India, we would take Valium and go to this movie theater in New Delhi and just watch their movies, because they're so trippy. | ||
| But yeah, in the middle of an action movie, it'll stop into a musical number, like a real serious action movie. | ||
| Why? | ||
| It's just their culture. | ||
| They like it. | ||
| They like it. | ||
| They like that style of theater. | ||
| That's just what it's supposed to be. | ||
| Well, I mean, we used to like it. | ||
| And if you go back and try to watch those old movies- Oklahoma. | ||
|
unidentified
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Something like that. | |
| Well, all those Gene Kelly movies that would start dancing in the street. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, yeah. | |
| Everybody would stand there and people would dance around them. | ||
| They had music videos that broke out in the middle of a movie. | ||
| So they have all these plots. | ||
| That's a great way to put it. | ||
| Yeah, they have all these plots. | ||
| They have real language. | ||
| They have real dialogue. | ||
| They have a real storyline. | ||
| It's so weird, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why aren't they singing? | ||
| They wouldn't be singing. | ||
| Why are they talking in raw? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Well, it's someone's desire, the one person's desire in the middle of a gigantic performance where people are interacting with each other. | ||
| It's one person's desire to totally steal the spotlight. | ||
| And the best way to do that... | ||
| Everybody has to stand around and listen while John, like we're all like support. | ||
| We're in the back and John's in the center. | ||
| He's singing. | ||
| We're snapping. | ||
| Yeah, and he's got this great point. | ||
| And we're all like, wow, yeah. | ||
| And he's singing about life. | ||
| And everyone's letting him move around. | ||
| John's singing about life. | ||
| Nobody stops and go, what are you fucking doing, man? | ||
| Like, why are you saying... | ||
| Like, nobody interacts with them. | ||
| There's no interacting. | ||
| There's just one guy. | ||
| Which is what the theater, to some folks, is all about. | ||
| That moment. | ||
| On stage, holding the skull. | ||
| Look upon thee! | ||
| That reminds me, man. | ||
| I got a million dollar idea. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Found footage musical. | ||
| Like, you know those found footage movies, but they find one where, like, people are actually singing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| Like a real musical. | ||
| No music is playing. | ||
| They just start singing. | ||
|
unidentified
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Like, what the fuck are they doing? | |
| That would be great. | ||
| Really bad songs. | ||
| But like this choppy video. | ||
| Like, oh, he's not really getting it. | ||
| It's totally happening right now. | ||
| I've got a great idea to do with it. | ||
| An improvised musical reality show. | ||
| It's all improvised musicals. | ||
| But they've got to do it in song and dance. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| You've got to bring them into a situation. | ||
| Big brother in song. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And the audience doesn't know, so people are going to interact with them. | ||
| So they have to sing out to this restaurant or bar. | ||
| Have you ever seen the video? | ||
| There's a video with this, bringing it back to activists that sometimes miss the point. | ||
| There was a video of this lady. | ||
| She steps into a chicken restaurant and she starts talking about, this is not food, this is violence. | ||
| And there's a little girl and she starts saying, And she just wants to live. | ||
| She just wants to be happy, and she just wants to live. | ||
| And this little girl was going to die, just like all of her sisters and all of her brothers and her family. | ||
|
unidentified
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A turkey? | |
| A chicken? | ||
| A chicken. | ||
| And she rescued this chicken. | ||
| And so there's videos of the same gal with her chicken at home. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| So she goes into a restaurant, disrupts all these people, and tells this whole story, and then explains that it's her chicken. | ||
| And then a whole crew of assholes come in behind her with signs, this is not food, it's violence. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| And they're like, we're just running a restaurant. | ||
| Dude, it seems like a parody. | ||
| It seems like someone is just badass. | ||
| Some Tim and Eric type dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Just put together some badass parody that's so subtle, you're like, not sure. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, is this bitch really this crazy that she's referring to this chicken as her girl? | ||
| Yeah, it seems sometimes that activists aren't aware of the fact that if their stunt isn't pulled off in the right way, it seems like it could be more detrimental. | ||
| It comes off super lame. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| The response is going to be to eat more chicken. | ||
| Just because you're like, I don't want to be associated with this kind of behavior. | ||
| And if that means eating chicken, then I guess I'll eat more chicken. | ||
| So it's dangerous to be an activist if you are not really subtle or if you aren't skillful in what you're doing. | ||
| Being an activist is awesome. | ||
| Just make sure that you're graceful when you do it. | ||
| Well, not only that, you have to have a real objective sense of what actions you're putting out there and how those actions are going to be perceived. | ||
| If you fake it, people can see through it and it seems lame. | ||
| Well, there's some people that have this idea that their idea, what they're protesting against, is more important than anything that's going to disrupt, anything that's going to involve that, like Greenpeace. | ||
| Have you seen what Greenpeace did with the Nazca lines? | ||
| Oh yeah, they fucked him up. | ||
| It's so fucking crazy. | ||
| These dumb assholes went to the Nazca lines and they set up a green... | ||
| What's Nazca lines? | ||
| Nazca lines are these... | ||
| They don't even know how old they are. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| They're thousands of years old. | ||
| These lines... | ||
| Meanwhile, I'm like... | ||
| They don't even know how old they are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're thousands of years old. | |
| I think they've dated them. | ||
| You just revealed that you're an immortal. | ||
|
unidentified
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What are they? | |
| They've dated them to more than a thousand years. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Animals? | ||
| There are all sorts of geometric patterns, animals, all sorts of different things. | ||
| Some of them are animals, some of them are spiders. | ||
| There are all these weird patterns you can only see from the sky. | ||
| Oh, patterns. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sorry. | ||
| So they're patterns that are made on these flat plains. | ||
| And some of them are just a bunch of rocks that are pieced together in these lines. | ||
| And people have left them undisturbed because they're so cool forever. | ||
| So you can't just go there and walk around on them. | ||
| These assholes went there and they used some of the stones as paperweights. | ||
| They picked some of the rocks off the ground to put a sign up. | ||
| A Greenpeace sign. | ||
| Do you got a photo of it, Jamie? | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| What dicks. | ||
| You're so douchey and arrogant. | ||
| It sucks because a lot of what Greenpeace does is really good, which is they stop people from killing whales. | ||
| The lines of Nazca. | ||
| There's photos, Jamie. | ||
| Go to photos. | ||
| Greenpeace-Nazca lines. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Duncan, remember when we beat up a seal outside of a Prada store for Greenpeace? | |
| So look what these assholes did. | ||
| See how cool that design is? | ||
| That pattern? | ||
| That pattern has been there for a long fucking time. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| And they were using stones from that to put their sign down. | ||
| What's that about? | ||
| With the foot thing. | ||
| So they weren't disturbing people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know what the fuck they think they're doing. | |
| They're still disturbing it. | ||
| By doing that, like sometimes standing on that... | ||
| Look, your fucking footprints are also on that paper. | ||
| I can see the bottom of your tread. | ||
| You know what that means? | ||
| That means you stood on that shit. | ||
| You stood on that shit somewhere, and I'm supposed to believe that you're doing this all ethically? | ||
| Yeah, it backfired. | ||
| It backfired. | ||
| They shouldn't have done that. | ||
| It backfired. | ||
| And that sucks, because all the people who are doing good work look like assholes now. | ||
| Exactly, exactly. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, so this is the actual... | ||
| Wow, those are the lines like that? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Wow, what makes them? | ||
| We don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so cool. | |
| They don't know who made them. | ||
| They really don't know. | ||
| That shit? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's not just like movement, like magnetic movement, right? | ||
| Oh, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| These are made. | ||
| I mean, someone definitely, definitely, without a doubt, made up. | ||
| Is that in sand or is that in stone? | ||
| This is so funny. | ||
| Some people think the geometric ones could indicate a flow of water that's connected to rituals to summon water. | ||
| The spiders, birds, plants could be fertility symbols. | ||
| Other possible explanations include irrigation schemes or giant astronomical calendars. | ||
| Why isn't everyone trying to figure it out? | ||
| That looks like a bird. | ||
| Yeah, well, they're definitely trying to figure it out. | ||
| There's a dog. | ||
| There's a monkey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Have you seen the monkey? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, pull up the monkey, Jeremy. | ||
| They're so good. | ||
| There's a dick butt. | ||
| There's a spider. | ||
| Dick butt. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| If you keep scrolling, you'll find a monkey down there. | ||
| There's a monkey in one of them. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| There's birds with bird feet and shit. | ||
| There's a gang of them. | ||
| How did Bill Cosby and Ecstasy get mixed in with that? | ||
| It's weird to see the images. | ||
| Hashtags. | ||
| People hashtag everything. | ||
| Hashtag Bill Cosby. | ||
| Well, do you remember when they used to do that with websites? | ||
| They would code certain words into websites, just like a person. | ||
| Porn, porn, porn, funny, funny. | ||
| Yeah, people think it's an alien, that thing, that person with the eyeballs. | ||
| Oh, click on that. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, but that's how my daughter draws people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So, you know, everybody says it's an alien, it's an alien. | ||
| Well, maybe. | ||
| Maybe it's like a two-year-old. | ||
| Is that Star Trek once? | ||
| Might be a giant two-year-old. | ||
| Might be really shitty artists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For thousands of years, the shitty artists of the Pran Gedi. | ||
| Like, I had this conversation with this dude who was trying to tell me about, you know, these images that were on cave walls. | ||
| Were, you know, aliens. | ||
| Depictions of aliens. | ||
| It was Graham Hancock, who I love. | ||
| But I was like, come on, man. | ||
| That might not be an alien. | ||
| That could be a lot of shit. | ||
| These people... | ||
| They want to believe. | ||
| Not only that, but it was thousands of years ago. | ||
| Just what they saw back then. | ||
| I think it was aliens. | ||
| That's when they fucked us. | ||
| Pull up the monkey, Jamie. | ||
| I need to see this monkey. | ||
| I want to see the thing before. | ||
| Just type in monkey. | ||
| Because it's really cool. | ||
| It's got a curly tail. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| Wait, go down a little bit. | ||
| Go down a little bit. | ||
| Down more, more, more, more, more, more. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Up, up a little. | ||
| Up. | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I forgot it. | |
| I can't find it. | ||
| Well, it was a dog to the left. | ||
| You see that one to the far left, Jamie? | ||
| About three down? | ||
| Oh, it's okay. | ||
| Let's try to find the monkey. | ||
| Where's that monkey? | ||
| Where's the fucking monkey, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Why are they hiding the monkey from us? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, if you go to the Wikipedia, you can see the monkey. | ||
| How do you spell it? | ||
| Nazca? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nazca. | |
| Oh, wow, cool. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| All right, see that? | ||
| Looks like it's puking or something. | ||
| It's on the Wikipedia, if you go to the Wikipedia. | ||
| Look at the monkey, man. | ||
| Oh, the way! | ||
| How big is that? | ||
| Look, you can see it there. | ||
| Oh, it's huge. | ||
| It's enormous. | ||
| How big is a person? | ||
| A toe? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| That's a very good question. | ||
| But they're really big. | ||
| I mean, you see when those people were walking around. | ||
| I mean, these are like... | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| They were laying that down. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It looks like it was drawn with a finger on a tablet or something. | ||
| It doesn't look like a shit ton of people spent a long time. | ||
| Look, the tail kind of wore out. | ||
| They've had some damage with mudslides, too, apparently. | ||
| Yeah, but they really, there's all sorts of explanations. | ||
| So nobody goes there, they just look at it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then the Greenpeace people went there. | ||
| I think aliens came, visited these people, gave them, like, showed them some incredible shit. | ||
| They left. | ||
| The people want them to come back. | ||
| So they draw these shapes on the ground, hoping that they'll return. | ||
| It's classic cargo cult behavior. | ||
| That's where it all is, right? | ||
| In the same place in Peru? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's just one area. | ||
| It's really fascinating also because there's what look like landing strips there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These long parallel lines. | ||
| They want them to come back. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's gotta be that. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They want them to come back. | ||
| It doesn't have to be. | ||
| It could be they just, you know, they just figured out how to draw shit in the ground that you could see from the sky. | ||
| Maybe they just thought it was an interesting way to do something. | ||
| That they couldn't see. | ||
| Well, they could, they just couldn't see it really well. | ||
| You know, you can only really truly see what it is when you're up above it. | ||
| But I mean, it's not impossible that they could measure it and do it all on the ground. | ||
| I'm just proposing, you know, being the devil's advocate, like it's not impossible that they did those. | ||
| You could see the ground. | ||
| I mean, you're looking down at your feet. | ||
| It's not like it's invisible to you. | ||
| If you're gonna get me to help you. | ||
| Do a 12-mile-wide monkey truck? | ||
| It's not that big. | ||
| They're not that big. | ||
| How big is it? | ||
| They're not that big. | ||
| They're, you know, a few hundred feet wide, I think, the really big ones, but they're not like 12 miles long or anything crazy. | ||
| Maybe I'd do it. | ||
| The lines themselves, they're superficial. | ||
| They're only 10 to 30 centimeters deep and could be washed away. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that's why nobody goes there because they'll wear it down? | ||
| It's only ever received a very small amount of rain. | ||
| But there's issues also that the great changes that we're seeing to the climate, that it might start raining there. | ||
| Isn't that fucked? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or they'll get crops. | ||
| Well, at least, you know, everybody's like really hooked up. | ||
| Yeah, I'll take crops over... | ||
| Yeah, crops would be better than the stupid lines, right? | ||
| But everybody's really like... | ||
| Shut up, eat this. | ||
| They have it in their head that, you know, this site is like, it's super important, but we have all the images. | ||
| Once we have the images, if the water comes and washes everything away, at least we've documented. | ||
| We know these people made these things. | ||
| We don't know why or when. | ||
| They think it's the Nazca culture, which is like, I think it said here, 400 to 650 AD. So they lived there and maybe carved those things? | ||
| They think. | ||
| So that's over a thousand years ago. | ||
| That's, you know, more than as much as 1500 years ago. | ||
| Could be longer. | ||
| Crazy shit, man. | ||
| They don't really have any explanation for why, but there's a lot of, I mean, it could be aliens, right? | ||
| I mean, if we can go to Mars, man, we can send a robot to Mars. | ||
| It's so arrogant to think that we're the only ones that could do that. | ||
| I've never seen any evidence whatsoever that's even remotely compelling that aliens have visited here. | ||
| None of it. | ||
| None of it that's outside of other, like, there's not one thing that stands out where you say that had to be aliens. | ||
| It couldn't have just been really smart people. | ||
| Not one thing. | ||
| Yeah, why wouldn't any of them have left anything? | ||
| Well, they might have. | ||
| They might have. | ||
| When we're looking at the pyramids, what we might be looking at is someone's knowledge and information from another culture. | ||
| Well, don't the pyramids somehow point to Syria? | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| Well, it depends. | ||
| See, there's a thing called the procession, the equinoxes. | ||
| So the Earth spins. | ||
| There's like a wobble to the Earth. | ||
| And so when you see the stars, it's not always the same. | ||
| And it wobbles like every X amount of thousands of years. | ||
| So depending upon where you think these were constructed, you would have a different star line. | ||
| You'd have a different thing you would see. | ||
| There's a guy named John Anthony West, who's just amazing when it comes to this shit. | ||
| His whole video series, it's called Magical Egypt. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| If you've never... | ||
| It's like, if you're not even interested at all in Egypt, you're like, eh, that's fucking boring, a bunch of people living in the sand like assholes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you watch one of these videos... | |
| Who would say that? | ||
| I would. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I would, if I was high. | ||
| Just being silly. | ||
| People living in the sand like assholes. | ||
| If I was just trying to be funny, I would say that. | ||
| But his videos just are super in-depth about the construction methods and how big it is and all the magical things about the way they built them. | ||
| They think that it was a culture that lived a long fucking time before, we think. | ||
| Not just like 2,500 BC, but he's of the notion that it's like 10,000 plus BC. And if you go to 10,000 BC, apparently where the lion is, the Sphinx, where it's pointing, would be directly over the constellation Leo. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| I like the serious theory better, the dog star. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's like Robert Anton Wilson's crazy idea that... | ||
| We are possibly currently existing in the Sirius Star Cluster and we're having this experience of reality. | ||
| Pumped into our consciousness as a form of training for something. | ||
| Like matrix pods? | ||
| Yeah, matrix pods. | ||
| So there's like clues left in the simulator pointing back home and just as a little cookie, like even video games, you know? | ||
| Or maybe people a long time ago were more aware of the fact that this is an interdimensional A kind of Hogwarts for young godlings who have the potential to become universe creators. | ||
| But before they're released to create their own dimensions, they have to go through this infinite loop again and again and again until you learn that the most important thing is to love the people around you more than you love yourself. | ||
| And then, boom! | ||
| Then you can be a god. | ||
| Well, yeah, then we can trust you to fuck around with our black hole machine or whatever. | ||
| I'm not going to put you in charge of black holes while you're a selfish shithead. | ||
| That always seems to me like if that was really like a plot, if someone had designed people with this sort of puzzle in front of them, the plot is, eventually they're going to get intelligent enough to figure out the plot. | ||
| That seems to me to be like a really shitty way of doing things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like, there's God, that's like very- How do you just tell them how to do it? | ||
| It's very God-like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very God-like. | ||
| You will learn eventually. | ||
| Just tell me. | ||
| That's not the way you teach kids. | ||
| Well, in that sense, it's like- You learn eventually. | ||
| That confusion that people feel, and like the existential angst of being a person where you don't know what the fuck you are, where are you going, what happens when I die, like, almost universally that needs to be plugged up. | ||
| Whether it's plugged up with this alien- Yes. | ||
| Whether it's plugged up with a Mormon story, whatever. | ||
| You just got to plug it up. | ||
| You're talking about that aching feeling of terror. | ||
| What are we doing here? | ||
| What are we doing here, though? | ||
| I understand. | ||
| There's a great existentialist philosopher slash author, Camus. | ||
| You ever heard of Camus? | ||
| Of course I haven't heard of Camus. | ||
| You haven't? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| The Stranger is one of my favorite books. | ||
| You'd love him, man. | ||
| You'd love him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My mother died yesterday, or was it the day before? | |
| I can't remember. | ||
| That's the first line. | ||
| Yeah, it's really good. | ||
| But that thing that you're talking about, that aching fucking thing, his premise, C-A-M-U-S, his premise in a lot of... | ||
| Of his ilk, their premise is that that is being human. | ||
| Like that awful feeling of having a hole that you are constantly trying to plug up. | ||
| What's the name of his book? | ||
| Well, The Myth of Sisyphus, The Stranger. | ||
| Yeah, The Stranger's a novel. | ||
| Yeah, try The Myth of Sisyphus if you want to get into the philosophy angle. | ||
| But it's pretty cool stuff, but it will give you that chilling kind of... | ||
| How do you spell Sisyphus? | ||
| S-Y... S-Y-S-Y-P-H-U-S? Sisyphus? | ||
| Sisyphus. | ||
| You know what's beautiful? | ||
| I don't really need to totally know that. | ||
| No, it'll fill in for you. | ||
| Throw it in the Google. | ||
| Next thing you know, it'll be on the Kindle. | ||
| Crack, crack. | ||
| You know Sisyphus. | ||
| You know who that is? | ||
| Sisyphus. | ||
| Sisyphus was cursed. | ||
| It's a Greek myth. | ||
| It was cursed by the gods to eternally push a boulder up to the very top of a hill and then to let it roll back down the hill. | ||
| Right when it gets to the top, it'll roll all the way back down. | ||
| I love that story. | ||
| And so this is the... | ||
| Eternally, right? | ||
| Forever. | ||
| So some existentialists look at the human predicament, and they point out the fact that you're going to die. | ||
| No one will remember you in a few hundred years. | ||
| Most human achievements that have happened in the past are completely lost, gone, forgotten. | ||
| Even though they're in history, it's still ultimately a meaningless thing in the sense that you have this... | ||
| Inevitable personal extinction that's going to happen. | ||
| And so the predicament in life is one of being Sisyphus. | ||
| Here we are. | ||
| Anything we do, push it up the fucking hell, it's going to like roll back down. | ||
| We got to start over. | ||
| Push it up the hell, roll back down. | ||
| This is a kind of human archetype. | ||
| For how do we, in the midst of what appears to be meaninglessness in the infinite scale, find meaning in human endeavors when the whole thing's going to get wiped out by the sun? | ||
| Yeah, some of those philosophers have brought them to God. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Some of those existentialists have brought them to God because they were like, this must be the answer. | ||
| Weirdly, there are theological or theistic existentialists, like Soren Kierkegaard. | ||
| Some of them are, and do you believe in God? | ||
| Yeah, which is weird, but most of them are like, there's nothing. | ||
| Yeah, then they're the ones who are just like, no, it's just all nausea and confusion, my friends. | ||
| See, I don't buy that, because I don't buy them knowing. | ||
| I don't buy anyone that says, no, it's nothing. | ||
| No, there's nothing. | ||
| How do you know there's nothing? | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| Yeah, but when there's no examples, there's no proof for something. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You don't even bring it up. | ||
| Right, you don't bring it up, but you don't say it's not something either. | ||
| But Ari, you land more in that camp, don't you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not. | |
| It's not even part of the conversation. | ||
| Get out of here with that shit. | ||
| What if fish were once bears? | ||
| Well, if you look at the fossil record, Mr. Deere... | ||
| Is there any reason to think that? | ||
| Otherwise, what are you talking about? | ||
| I think there is. | ||
| I think there's reason to think that fish or bears or whatever the fuck you want to think if it gets you in the zone. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Because there's like a... | ||
| That's like taking two dribbles before you take a foul shot. | ||
| It's just like ritual. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Ritual makes you feel better. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| That thing you just described, the two dribbles before the foul shot... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's called chaos magic. | ||
| That's the roots of a magical system that's based on the idea that these symbols themselves, they lack any inherent meaning outside of the mind state that they place you in. | ||
| And so if they help you transform your will into reality... | ||
| So if that ritual helps you score... | ||
| If whatever the fucking thing is that you do prior to sitting down to write or prior to whatever it is that your job happens to be, if that actually puts your mind in a state where you are more likely to receive inspiration or you're going to be more graceful or athletic, then that's all that fucking matters. | ||
| Who cares if it's a lie? | ||
| Yeah, that's all that matters. | ||
| The symbols themselves, are you really going to worry over the actual existence of an elephant-headed god that can shrink himself down and ride around on a mouse? | ||
| If he's got a good family unit over it and you're raised well, then it's like, alright, fine. | ||
| I don't think the issue is a belief system as much as the issue is getting caught up in an ideology that you can't question. | ||
| When you do that, if you want to go in the Thor camp or whatever camp you want to go to and you believe is the grand ruler of the fucking... | ||
| Zeus. | ||
| Yeah, no matter who it is. | ||
| Name of God. | ||
| Odin. | ||
| Odin, right? | ||
| Praise Odin. | ||
| Praise Odin. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Anytime you can't question anything, you're fucksville. | ||
| If you have something you believe in, that's probably empowering. | ||
| What's not empowering is when you subscribe to an ideology. | ||
| Because if you believe that there's some all-eternal, loving God that's looking over you and judging you every day, and that you have to do your best to make Him proud, that is your Divine Father, He created you, and you know deep in your DNA what the good things you're supposed to do is. | ||
| If you really go live your life like that, you'll probably live a pretty fucking cool life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| You'll be really nice to people. | ||
| You'd be super righteous. | ||
| You'd want to make your daddy God all proud of you and shit. | ||
| The problem is when you subscribe to an ideology and that doesn't let you question anything. | ||
| The problem is not believing in a God. | ||
| The problem is now what do you have to do because you believe that God? | ||
| Well, now you have to stop gay marriage. | ||
| You have to stop guys from masturbating. | ||
| You have to stop people from doing this and stop people from doing that. | ||
| Yeah, you have to listen to me because my way is the right way and the Lord is the true Lord. | ||
| Islam is the truth. | ||
| All of that stuff. | ||
| It's all the same shit. | ||
| It's all the same shit. | ||
| The ideology is the problem. | ||
| It's not the believing in God. | ||
| What does this motherfucker God want you to go do? | ||
| Does he want you to strap dynamite to your chest and walk into a cafe? | ||
| But God gets associated, just like you were talking about the chicken lady. | ||
| God gets associated with that. | ||
| So you want to be like, no, fuck them and fuck the thing they believe in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| Well, yeah, it's like what happens is there's violent people in the world and they like to be violent. | ||
| They enjoy it. | ||
| It gets them off, but they can't rationalize the fact that they enjoy being violent because it seems so monstrous and animalistic. | ||
| So you need a reason. | ||
| Religion is a fantastic way to justify every dark activity that humans engage in. | ||
| Did you see the thing that popped up on the internet? | ||
| Isis's Guide to Having Child Sex Slaves? | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| They have a guidebook, which is like, they have questions. | ||
| There's important questions. | ||
| If you have a slave, That's underage that's a girl and you're wanting or I guess a guy I don't I guess they don't like gay people so if you have an underage sex slave that's a girl and you are in isis you're gonna have some questions right the number one being when do I get to her yeah and this is a guidebook where they're like well can you her well if she's able to have sex in this guidebook it says if she's able to have sex Yeah. | ||
| But if she's not, then you can enjoy her in other ways. | ||
| Like, just don't penetrate her. | ||
| But that's a real thing, man. | ||
| They're putting that and they're quoting... | ||
| How do we know this is real? | ||
| And how do we know this is like some CIA plant? | ||
| We don't know that. | ||
| It could be... | ||
| And I did think that, like, this could be propaganda. | ||
| Yeah, when you brought it up, I thought that. | ||
| This could be propaganda. | ||
| It's the first thing. | ||
| But they are taking slaves. | ||
| It is a thing that they are taking slaves, and some of those slaves are women. | ||
| And if you have a female slave that you've taken, that you've captured from your enemy, then you are going to have some questions about, as a religious person... | ||
| If you want to live ethically, absolutely. | ||
| Yeah, what are you going to do? | ||
| How do you ethically fuck this girl? | ||
| Like when the dishwasher was invented, Jews had to go to the rabbis and said, are we allowed to put milk and meat dishes in here? | ||
| What's the ruling here? | ||
| That kind of shit. | ||
| That kind of logic, they use that based on their slaves and their sex slaves. | ||
| What is the answer to that? | ||
| A lot of Jews have separate dishwashers. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Oh my goodness, if you want to be kosher. | ||
| The main thing is this. | ||
| I mean, as awful as the sex slavery is and as ridiculous as that is, the structure is always the same. | ||
| Which is a very manipulative, charismatic, power-hungry, narcissistic guy has convinced some dumb people that he has got the line in to God, and as long as they're coming to him to ask him what to do, it's great. | ||
| That's the main structure. | ||
| The structure needs to be that a certain amount of people believe that there is one person who has contact with an invisible guy, and that that person will tell them what's right and what's wrong. | ||
| It's very comforting. | ||
| Yeah, so you don't have to worry about it. | ||
| You don't have to worry about it. | ||
| Just go to the guy and ask him. | ||
| You can finger her. | ||
| There's no moral quantities anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can finger her. | |
| It's so dark. | ||
| But really, when you see what's happening there is this incredibly awful version of S&M. It's sadomasochism. | ||
| You're going to your daddy to find out... | ||
| How the fuck? | ||
| It's like this dark state of mass. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's S&M. You're going to your daddy to find out if you can put milk with whatever in your washing machine. | ||
| You're going to daddy to find out if you can use birth control. | ||
| It's always sex. | ||
| A lot of times it's sex related. | ||
| Like the Pope just said something like, didn't he just come out and say, like, you don't have to... | ||
| He was talking about how to have sex. | ||
| You know, they'll tell you you can't use birth control. | ||
| You know, they tell you things involving sex. | ||
| Like a man... | ||
| Who is connected to an invisible being will tell you how to fuck on this planet. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| I mean, it is stupid. | ||
| It is as dumb as it gets. | ||
| But when you consider the fact that it is, not only is it real, but it is like these people doing this are behind businesses that are making billions of dollars every year. | ||
| And that money is going in the direction of paying for lobbyists to control government and politics. | ||
| That's when it becomes sinister. | ||
| That's when it becomes sinister. | ||
| If you look at it from a big picture perspective, do you think it's possible for people to have gotten where we've gotten as quickly as we've gotten without religion, without some organizing ethical behavior guideline? | ||
| Because of the big jump early on. | ||
| Now it's holding us back, but back then it was really helping us. | ||
| Like, guys, guys, don't kill. | ||
| Well, we would be raping and pillaging still. | ||
| There is a Judeo-Christian way of living, they say, which is just like the basic tenets, like don't murder, don't steal, don't rape. | ||
| Well, it's almost like an idea of virus that is introduced into a system in order to force growth in a certain direction. | ||
| I wonder if it would have gotten society without that. | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| Greeks. | ||
| Dudes want to fuck. | ||
| Didn't the Greeks? | ||
| People want to rape. | ||
| Yeah, but they had a gang of different gods. | ||
| But I think they were kind of like... | ||
| Greek gods. | ||
| I think even back then they were... | ||
| I think even back then... | ||
| I don't know for sure. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'm not even going to... | ||
| What? | ||
| That part of me that likes to chime in as though I know anything about Greek gods is about to come in. | ||
| I don't have no idea. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I don't know if it's in the Roman ones or the Greek ones. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not really sure about that, man. | ||
| But I do think that it's the predicament, regardless of that... | ||
| Whether that was a kind of caste that needed to be placed on humanity as a whole to allow this growth or this thing to happen. | ||
| Now we're in a place where it's time to take off the caste. | ||
| It's starting to smell like somebody sneezed into a rotting vagina. | ||
| Well, it's being replaced with a new one. | ||
| It's being replaced with atheism. | ||
| Atheism is very much a religion. | ||
| But we take those tenets of like, yeah, we like that one. | ||
| But I don't mean it in a negative way. | ||
| I mean, it's like, and religion's the wrong word. | ||
| It's an organized group. | ||
| The people that are a part of it, they subscribe to the ideology of this organized group. | ||
| And are almost, like for a large percentage at least, I shouldn't say almost the majority, but a large percentage are liberal. | ||
| A large percentage of atheists are liberal people. | ||
| They tend to lean left with their ideas. | ||
| I would say if you had to gauge the difference between the Republican side and the Democrat side, like which one has more atheists, it would clearly be Democrat, right? | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Am I guessing? | ||
| I'm just guessing, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's see if we're right. | ||
| I would say that seems pretty logical to think that. | ||
| It does seem logical, but let's see if it's true. | ||
| Also, they're super into God, the Republicans. | ||
| They might have some atheists, but the ones that are super under God, those are more Republicans. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But I don't really know. | ||
| Can you be a single president? | ||
| Is that even possible in this country? | ||
| No way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| You can't even be a single president? | ||
| You can't be like, no, if you haven't figured that out, I hardly doubt it. | ||
| Yeah, that's something I was wondering, like, what would happen, like, if Obama, is a president allowed to have another job? | ||
| Like, can Obama start, like, working on comedy? | ||
| Could he do stand-up if he wanted to at night if he wasn't working? | ||
| Yeah, I bet he could. | ||
| That would be amazing. | ||
| I've done my job. | ||
| It's 6.30 p.m. | ||
| I worked an extra hour. | ||
| I'm clocked out. | ||
| A lot of the people in Congress are closeted that are atheists. | ||
| Closeted atheists. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Wow, what a bunch of fucking fakers. | ||
| It's saying, there's an article about this on ThinkProgress, why all of the atheists in Congress are closeted. | ||
| Car closeted. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| They won't say it. | ||
| They have to pretend. | ||
| They can't. | ||
| It's not popular. | ||
| Atheism is not popular. | ||
| There's a certain thing that people want to do. | ||
| They want to say something really stupid and have everybody else go, yeah. | ||
| Like, we're not going to think any more than we already have. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| And when people say, well, I'll tell you what. | ||
| I meet somebody and they're an atheist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I punch them in the face. | |
| I just walk away because they're a damn fool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who said that? | |
| Steve Harvey. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I heard that. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| I did it in a white voice. | ||
| Yes, he did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, he did. | |
| You're a damn fool. | ||
| You're a damn fool. | ||
| And he gets a bunch of applause. | ||
| He gets a bunch of claps. | ||
| They're just silly in their brain. | ||
| They silly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They silly. | |
| That's not an argument, PJ Harvey or whatever his name is. | ||
| Steve Harvey. | ||
| What kind of moral compass do you operate under? | ||
| That's the idea. | ||
| I can't trust you if you don't believe in the symbol that was created a long time ago by people trying to control other people. | ||
| Once you go, it's silly, so forget it. | ||
| Well, there's a book I read, and goddammit, I wish I could remember the name of it, but the very first chapter in the book was talking about how fascinating it is that in the... | ||
| Old Testament, when God is asking for offerings, he only wants stuff that humans like. | ||
| He only wants the best thing. | ||
| God never tells priests to ask people for a jar of wasps. | ||
| Cows, goats. | ||
| Now, if the same system worked, then the priest would come out and be like, God wants... | ||
| They do money! | ||
| That's what they do, the fucking people. | ||
| Jimmy, whatever his name is. | ||
| Yeah, but the difference is money, now it's this ambiguous thing, but back then what was kind of interesting is like you would actually ask for like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
A car, a home. | |
| A fatted calf, or you'd ask for stuff. | ||
| Wow, only stuff got men who want. | ||
| A new iPad. | ||
| God wants a new iPad. | ||
| Send your technology. | ||
| Yeah, God wants... | ||
| Yeah, donate your computers. | ||
| Yeah, it's fascinating that way. | ||
| But I still, I mean, I do, like, I don't know, I think God's an overused word, but I do think there is a... | ||
| Well, definitely, like, I don't know what God wants. | ||
| He didn't really tell us officially. | ||
| How about we just give him some of this shit? | ||
| It's our favorite shit. | ||
| Yeah, just give him something nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We don't need cows. | |
| Man, that's really fascinating stuff. | ||
| I've been reading this book, and it's a controversial book, and some people say that it's like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I like the book. | ||
| It's well-written. | ||
| It's called Zealot by Reza Aslan. | ||
| It's the historical Christ, and his premise is that... | ||
| Regardless of his premise, what's really fascinating is he's just talking about what it was like back then, which is that the Romans were occupying that land and that the priests were actually people who used to be like a religious thing, but they would buy their positions from the Romans, so everybody wanted the Romans gone. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| So like, you know, in the story, in the Bible, Jesus is crucified between two thieves. | ||
| And so Reza Aslan says that if you look at the actual word for thief, it actually translates into bandit. | ||
| And bandit is the word that the Romans used to describe people who are trying to overthrow them. | ||
| So Jesus, his premises was somebody who was pro-violence, and wanted to overthrow the Romans and there were a lot of other people like him too and so when people were saying they were like the son of God or the Messiah the term Messiah actually meant like the the king of the Jews somebody who was gonna like lead the liberate the Jews from the Romans it's a really great book in the very first chapter time that would be a cool fucking movie It would be really cool, | ||
| but when they talk about the... | ||
| Get that same dude to play it. | ||
| No, I mean, a lot of what he says is like, if you read in the Bible now, they haven't scrubbed all of the violent stuff he said. | ||
| One thing he said is something about, I will turn you away. | ||
| I will turn father against son. | ||
| If you aren't able to leave your family, then you'll never be able to follow me. | ||
| It's like all these things which are crazy. | ||
| Follow me to liberty. | ||
| We're going to get the fucking Romans out of here, man. | ||
| That was the idea. | ||
| These assholes are occupying our country. | ||
| They've taken over our religion. | ||
| We're going to fucking overthrow them. | ||
| And they really couldn't understand why God let the Romans in there in the first place. | ||
| So that was a real monkey wrench in their idea. | ||
| We're the chosen people. | ||
| We're the chosen people. | ||
| But it's like, no, you're not really the fucking chosen people because they're guys who are guarding your temples now, wearing Roman outfits. | ||
| Yeah, God freed us from slavery. | ||
| Now we're sort of half slaves again. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| And they couldn't – it didn't work, man. | ||
| It was like the two – the paradigm did not fit in with their idea that we're the chosen people. | ||
| Suddenly there's these fucking Romans occupying everything. | ||
| And so a lot of the messiahs – and there were many messiahs before Jesus, by the way. | ||
| John the Baptist executed. | ||
| Why was he executed? | ||
| He was executed because they looked at him as a threat to the Roman power structure. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| All these people getting crucified. | ||
| And by the way, man, crucifixion was in back then. | ||
| Like, they were throwing people on crosses every day. | ||
| So it was like a constant attempt to, like... | ||
| Silence the Rebellion. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Silence the Rebellion, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Silence the Rebellion. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| Great book. | ||
| It's really crazy, but those sort of volatile moments in history, crazed, insane, violent moments of control, and then the repercussions of that control, those are like the engines that fuel change and oftentimes fuel innovation. | ||
| And I know we look at them as being horrible moments when they're happening, because they are. | ||
| For everyone involved. | ||
| But for the future, I think all these chaotic moments where there's people struggling to get into a position for power, and the fact that nobody can really hold it, and people have their complaints, and the people that are rising up, they have the will of the people, because the will of the people is, we don't want any of this fucking terror anymore. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright, let's go get them. | ||
| And then they get in, and they become the person they were fighting against. | ||
| The process repeats itself over and over again. | ||
| And it seems like objectively, if you look at it, it's like this process of cleansing or filtering, almost like water coming down from a glacier and going through all those rocks until it becomes pure. | ||
| It's like it's gotta go through all these trials and tribulations. | ||
| There's gotta be all these fucking chaotic moments of horror so we understand what horror is. | ||
| We never repeat horror. | ||
| You gotta have a holocaust to understand where the 60s came from. | ||
| You gotta have these bad moments that sort of make you like long for and accomplish the great heights. | ||
| This is why I just had Alex Gray on my podcast and I'm not gonna try to repeat what he said about the Jews as the chosen people because they're creating psychedelics, but he did one of his premises because Hoffman was a Jew, but the idea is that we needed Scientific materialism, | ||
| atheism, we needed people to turn their backs on the ancient version of God so that we could understand the universe at a deep enough level to be able to create, to synthesize LSD and all the various, like, Choose how to be smart to figure that shit out. | ||
| Yeah, it's really cool. | ||
| It's kind of what you're saying, which is like we needed, like these phases in human evolution are really important because like if you're caught up in a ridiculous version of the deity, then maybe you're not going to be so inclined to study molecular biology or maybe you're not going to be able to study chemistry in the same way. | ||
| And without studying that stuff, then we wouldn't have some of the psychoactive compounds that I think A lot of people consider as being one of the potential ways that our species can evolve. | ||
| And so these psychedelics can actually be ways to connect with the thing that the ancient religions were talking about, and then that thing that ended up being like, turned into like a painted clown. | ||
| You know, that people, somebody had a vision. | ||
| You know, Moses by the, what was the burning bush? | ||
| What was it made of, though? | ||
| It was called Acacia or something? | ||
| Yeah, the Acacia bush. | ||
| Which has what in it? | ||
| DMT. Dimethyltryptamin. | ||
| So the premise here is... | ||
| He just got it in his fucking head? | ||
| Well, the idea of what is... | ||
| Well, you're translating things from... | ||
| If you take that out, what would the story really be? | ||
| Well, if you're translating something from ancient Hebrew, right, and then you're putting into the Latin and then eventually to the English, when you're doing that, the way they explain things is going to come off very different. | ||
| Have you ever read Russian stories translated to English? | ||
| It's so bizarre. | ||
| If you throw it through Google Translate, It's so hard to understand because their language works so much differently. | ||
| So by saying that, like, God took the form of a burning bush, they easily could be saying he was smoking DMT. That's right. | ||
| Easily! | ||
| Yeah, that could be a sublime fucking lyric. | ||
| You dry that fucking bush out, figure out a way to get the fucking DMT out of it, you smoke it. | ||
| And especially if that's how they did it, what if they just lit those bushes on fire and then just breathed it all in? | ||
| Just got some out of it. | ||
| Just breathe in, wholesale smoke. | ||
| What if they did it totally caveman style? | ||
| Just take those bushes, hack them down, dry them out, make a fucking tent, like one of those sweat lodges that the Indians do? | ||
| Oh yeah, and then just let it fill up. | ||
| Hotbox yourself. | ||
| Hotbox yourself with DMT. And then he saw God and was like, dude, dude, dude, everybody down there, hold on, shh. | ||
| I got, oh my god, I got some stuff to tell you. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| But even he's suspect, because God was telling you not to covet your neighbor's wife, not because your neighbor's wife is in a relationship. | ||
| It's his wife. | ||
| It's your own wife. | ||
| He owns it. | ||
| Everybody leaves my lives alone. | ||
| The idea was that the guy owns that wife. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Like this insane, archaic way of thinking that's connected to that time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we don't, you know, even if Moses did say those things, we have no idea what the actual words that came out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If Moses did have this psychedelic experience... | |
| Yeah, it's like, and not only that, like, who the fuck wrote it down? | ||
| Was it Moses? | ||
| Moses didn't write it down. | ||
| If I told you some shit that happened to me when I was a child, and then you were, it was your job to write a book after I died, oh, you would butcher it. | ||
| I would butcher your life, you would butcher my life, we would butcher each other's lives. | ||
| If Moses wasn't writing it himself. | ||
| From Moses, yeah. | ||
| If you're not getting his fucking notebook, who knows what was actually said? | ||
| That one's supposed to be written the same way throughout history. | ||
| They write every letter the same exact way. | ||
| That's the written Torah. | ||
| And then the oral Torah is something different. | ||
| Hebrew is crazy looking, by the way, as a language. | ||
| It's cool looking. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| And it's so strange and psychedelic. | ||
| They have musical notes on each one of the letters you can read. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know what to go up and down? | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| So you know how to say it while you're talking? | ||
| Yeah, when you're reading the Torah out loud. | ||
| Or your Parsha. | ||
| Can you read Hebrew? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Fucking crazy, man. | ||
| I'd like to learn it. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| Dude, you lived in Israel, like, doing religious studies. | ||
| Was it fun? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it was just like a given for a while, but now that I step back and look at it, I was like, that's pretty fucking cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought it was cool. | ||
| I lived in Israel for two years. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| 18. 18 to 20. Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it was all pre-pussy. | |
| I got drunk there for the first time. | ||
| Pre-pussy. | ||
| Yeah, pre-pussy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I didn't even do anything back then. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's a fascinating story, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was so cool. | |
| You take the buses and stuff. | ||
| What's it like there? | ||
| Everything's made of stone. | ||
| Jerusalem's, like, the whole city's made of stone. | ||
| So the old city's all stone. | ||
| But everywhere else is, like, stone outside, you know, the buildings. | ||
| It just looks really pretty. | ||
| Did you go to that wall where the zombies climbed up in that movie? | ||
| That was the most ridiculous. | ||
| Like, no security cameras! | ||
| Why monitor the wall separating us from a mass of zombies? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so ridiculous. | |
| We're all dancing and having a great time. | ||
| And then all of a sudden it's not fine in Overwatch. | ||
| He escaped too easily a lot in that movie. | ||
| Like a plane crash and then only the two of you survived? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's pretty ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like Godzilla. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Same sort of situation. | ||
| But so you were there from 18 to 20. 18 to 20. I really got drunk there the first time. | ||
| So what years was that? | ||
| Well, first I went, my high school does a half year for a senior year. | ||
| And then the second semester, four to six months, we go to Israel and we do like a tour group. | ||
| So that was really two and a half years. | ||
| So what year, calendar year was this? | ||
| 92, I think January of 92. So this is like Clinton presidency. | ||
| Yeah, I voted absentee ballot for Clinton. | ||
| That was the only time I ever voted for president. | ||
| Did you wear religious garb while you were there? | ||
| I mean, yarmulke and the tzitzit, the tassels. | ||
| But man, one thing we loved doing, because there was no black people there, only Ethiopians, and they were in a different part of the town of the country. | ||
| We would just yell nigger at each other down the street. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Duncan! | ||
| Hey, Duncan! | ||
| You nigger! | ||
| Because it doesn't mean anything to me? | ||
| It doesn't mean anything to anybody. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| Scariest word you could ever yell out. | ||
| You'd have to do like a full 360 sweep of your surroundings with a helicopter and then parachute down and yell it to feel super confident. | ||
| It's like the only word that you can yell out. | ||
| An eh! | ||
| Anyone in that group is allowed to punch you. | ||
| See, if you yell out cunt, if you yell out cunt, women can't just run up to you and punch you, you know? | ||
| But if you yell out nigger, people, they have a free pass to just punch you. | ||
| White people too? | ||
| Well, it's the only racial slur that is a free pass to violence. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like Chinese? | ||
| If you yell out chink, most likely they'll look at you like, you motherfucker, you piece of shit. | ||
| But there are certain dudes, not all of them, but there are certain dudes that if they catch you yelling out that word, they will fucking punch you. | ||
| - It's the prophet Muhammad of words. - But it's crazy if you're in a place, I mean, there's... | ||
| Guaranteed. | ||
| There's people that just heard you say that that are going to be offended. | ||
| They're like, you know, fuck that guy. | ||
| You know, who the fuck does he think he is? | ||
| Yelling that shit out. | ||
| Dropping n-bombs on the podcast. | ||
| 22 years ago. | ||
| No, it doesn't even matter. | ||
| Just the fact that you even just said it now. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Just the fact that I'm making fun of how irresponsible it was to say that. | ||
| Yeah, you remember? | ||
| I had that bit about the three magic words, and that was one of them. | ||
| They're like, you can't even say it. | ||
| Like, you're not even allowed to say the word. | ||
| In reference to it. | ||
| If you're white. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is a really interesting thing, because symbols are harmless, but somehow they justify violence. | ||
| Like, whenever this ridiculous thing, or an image of the prophet, a word, whenever it's there, it's like that thing itself is meaningless, harmless, but... | ||
| It allows violent people an excuse to be violent. | ||
| And there is nothing, I think, more satisfying than some people to be violent and righteous at the same time. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Like American Sniper. | ||
| That guy's like pegging like... | ||
| God, that was so fucking dumb. | ||
| Oh, it's just such propaganda. | ||
| It was just such propaganda. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta watch it. | |
| Over 160 confirmed kills, not one wrong. | ||
| Even though every time he was like, I don't know what that is in the guy's hand. | ||
| Fuck it, I'm taking the shot. | ||
| He's never got it wrong. | ||
| Only awesome. | ||
| Such a rah-rah movie. | ||
| Yeah, it was really like that. | ||
| The acting was horrible. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| No. | ||
| The acting was so bad. | ||
| Howard Stern was raving about it this morning. | ||
| Oh, fuck you, old man. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| The acting was horrible from jump. | ||
| There was no plot. | ||
| It was just some scenes. | ||
| The wife was only annoyed. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| The entire time. | ||
| She was just like, why are you going out there again? | ||
| You've never built a relationship. | ||
| You haven't written this fucking movie. | ||
| People love it though. | ||
| And I don't give a fuck. | ||
| At the very end, they go... | ||
| Okay, so he comes home. | ||
| He's all fucked in the head. | ||
| He meets some... | ||
| He's working out with his wife. | ||
| He meets some veterans. | ||
| He helps them fucking sniper. | ||
| And that's how he gets his life together. | ||
| He helps them snipe and shit. | ||
| And then he picks one guy up. | ||
| And he's like, yeah, we're going to go snipe today. | ||
| And then just at home on the range. | ||
| And the guy looks at his wife weird. | ||
| And then it cuts away and goes... | ||
| Uh, he was killed by a veteran. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, it was that guy. | ||
| Yeah, but they didn't even show what happened. | ||
| They didn't even show it? | ||
| It's a fucking two hour and 20 minute movie show every tour. | ||
| Fucking four tours. | ||
| Combine them! | ||
| But they wouldn't show him. | ||
| Don't forget that they failed to mention. | ||
| And they just said, oh, he died. | ||
| And they showed footage of this funeral procession. | ||
| Also, the guy is like, Jesse Ventura sued that guy. | ||
| And won. | ||
| And won. | ||
| That was the guy who lied. | ||
| Yeah, that's how ridiculous the movie was. | ||
| Well, it wasn't just that. | ||
| I just need some time, baby. | ||
| There's apparently a whole long laundry list of questionable stories. | ||
| That was that guy? | ||
| No wonder. | ||
| What a garbage-ass movie. | ||
| They probably had to take out the plot. | ||
| They did. | ||
| Well, there was a bunch of other things that he did that he said he did. | ||
| Like one of them was there was a carjacking where two people were shot and killed. | ||
| It read like a fucking Mencia talking about himself. | ||
| Apparently. | ||
| That's how it saw. | ||
| No evidence that the carjacking took place. | ||
| Oh yeah, that guy. | ||
| That was that guy. | ||
| And there was another one where he killed a bunch of people in Katrina. | ||
| He was a sniper in Katrina. | ||
| He was shooting looters. | ||
| And he talked about, which is like, okay. | ||
| It's one thing if you're shooting terrorists who have rocket launchers, but you're shooting poor people that are stealing shit because they're involved in chaos because the fucking water has come and surrounded the city and there's no resources. | ||
| So you're shooting looters. | ||
| We should be really fucking careful about who we celebrate. | ||
| That's right, man. | ||
| If you're shooting looters... | ||
| Yeah, you're a murderer. | ||
| We're not talking about war. | ||
| Even Michael Moore was talking about his uncle. | ||
| Well, that's what you get for looting. | ||
| No... | ||
| That's not what you get for looting. | ||
| You don't get that for looting. | ||
| The death penalty is not made for people who want an ex-fuck. | ||
| It's not for a judge to say. | ||
| But it's not only that. | ||
| It's not delivered from a fucking roof. | ||
| It's gonna be delivered because you go to a trial and you have a jury of your peers. | ||
| That's what the government is supposed to be established for. | ||
| Like, to be on a rooftop, you're just murdering people. | ||
| This movie was like a full liar. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I mean, this is crazy. | ||
| You're just murdering people. | ||
| Well, Jesse Ventura was a fucking Navy Seal. | ||
| He was in what I guess is called the UDT before it was the Navy Seals. | ||
| I believe that's the name of the organization. | ||
| There was a pre-dating name. | ||
| Jesse Ventura was one of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So apparently this guy told the story about knocking out Jesse Ventura. | ||
| Jesse Ventura bad-mouthing the troops and bad-mouthing the war, which he said he would never do, never did, never argued with this guy. | ||
| He never got hit. | ||
| And he gave the guy an opportunity to retract it. | ||
| Otherwise, because he wrote about it in his book, he called him Scruffy Face or something like that. | ||
| But then on radio shows, he admitted that it was Jesse Ventura. | ||
| So they can do the math. | ||
| I think he did it on Opie and Anthony, actually. | ||
| I think that's where it came out. | ||
| So they realized that it's not true. | ||
| So the guy got killed. | ||
| Okay, Chris Kyle gets killed. | ||
| And now Jesse Ventura goes through with the lawsuit with the guy's wife. | ||
| Which, that's the... | ||
| No, she's got all the profits from that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Fuck her. | ||
| I'll fucking lie about him. | ||
| Leave her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop selling the book. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Give her a break. | ||
| She starts saying, I gave that money to charity. | ||
| And then it comes out later. | ||
| She's a liar, too. | ||
| She gave 20% of it to charity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I think as long as her life isn't... | ||
| I mean, she's suing the guy who lied. | ||
| It just so happened that the guy who lied died. | ||
| Take the book down. | ||
| Stop selling the book. | ||
| Well, that's the issue. | ||
| You're dead right. | ||
| You're dead right. | ||
| That's the issue. | ||
| The issue is random house. | ||
| Like, who owns the book? | ||
| But then the issue is, does he represent them when he goes on radio stations and says something that's not even in the book? | ||
| Does he name the guy in the story in the book, but does it make them responsible? | ||
| I say it doesn't. | ||
| I say it does. | ||
| Not Random House because he said Scruffy Face. | ||
| Who the fuck is Scruffy Face? | ||
| I know, but then when he says, now I've told you who Scruffy Face is, now what you've printed is libel or whatever it is. | ||
| Here's the thing, man. | ||
| If he wrote about all that other shit about shooting looters and all that other shit, if that turns out to be not true, which people are saying is not true, you really got to take the whole book back. | ||
| Take the book off. | ||
| Or repackage it as just falsity. | ||
| This is what's important to say. | ||
| Oprah had that book about that guy shattered little pieces or whatever, a thousand little pieces. | ||
| Yeah, yes. | ||
| And he was like, that was all a lie. | ||
| And she was like, what? | ||
| He goes, yeah, I'm a fucking writer. | ||
| Or the kid who just said he went to heaven and he came out and said the whole thing was a lie. | ||
| You know that kid who wrote it? | ||
| Yeah, they pulled that book too. | ||
| They pulled it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Said he went to heaven? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, no, there's this cheesy book where a kid goes into a coma, flies around heaven for a while, comes back, writes this bestseller. | ||
| People are like, I knew heaven was real, and I knew it was like this. | ||
| I never read it, but it's a funny, it's just a hilarious thing. | ||
| But the kid actually got religion and felt so guilty about lying that he came out and said the whole thing was a lie. | ||
| I thought I could get attention. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| And they pulled it. | ||
| They pulled it. | ||
| There's a great blog that I read called, if you just Google, Truth, Justice, and the Curious Case of Chris Kyle. | ||
| It's really well written, which explains all of the various stories and here's why they couldn't be true. | ||
| He's not casting any judgment, not using any inflammatory language, just trying to explain what may be or may not have been true. | ||
| It said in the beginning of this movie that was just released, this is all a true story. | ||
| See, some of it, I'm sure, was. | ||
| See, that's the thing. | ||
| I was about to shoot some kid and they go like, if you're wrong about this, you'll fly in Leavenworth. | ||
| That's your spotter. | ||
| That's your spotter telling you you're gonna go to jail forever if you take this wrong shot. | ||
| Another thing you have to remember, too, is Clint Eastwood. | ||
| Clint Eastwood, who used to be the baddest motherfucker in Leavenworth. | ||
| He's done now, too. | ||
| He's an old dude. | ||
| Remember when he talked to the chair? | ||
| Yes, that's what I was gonna say. | ||
| When you addressed Obama. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How did he direct a movie? | ||
| When I saw the thing... | ||
| No, seriously, when I saw the thing, all I thought was, oh, this is just clearly wartime propaganda. | ||
| Seth Rogen tweeted that he compared it to the Sniper movie in Tarantino's movie. | ||
| I think Rogen backpedaled a little bit. | ||
| But in Tarantino's movie, Inglourious Basterds, they're watching this... | ||
| In Germany, they're watching a movie about a sniper. | ||
| And he's being celebrated. | ||
| It's a propaganda movie. | ||
| It's propaganda. | ||
| American Sniper is propaganda. | ||
| There's no question about it. | ||
| So we know that. | ||
| Then I was thinking like, did Clint Eastwood really direct this? | ||
| Because when you see him at the Republican National Convention, he seemed kind of like So then I was thinking, how the fuck is this guy directing this kind of hardcore action movie? | ||
| Did they stick his face there because he's this manly, rugged, right-wing Republican hero? | ||
| And they knew that that would get more people to watch this movie, which is essentially a lubricated water slide that leads to your nearest recruiting office if you get hypnotized by the thing enough. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Oh, you want to fight? | ||
| You want to fight for justice? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll tell you this, man. | |
| You want to be noble? | ||
| You don't want to work in the oil fields? | ||
| You want to be noble? | ||
| Yeah, go straight to SEAL, even though it's 30. Yeah. | ||
| You think about a lot of people that are in this country that got born in a shit town with no fucking opportunity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're surrounded by a bunch of dummies, and then you go see this movie. | ||
| You're like, holy shit, but... | ||
| I think when you make a movie about someone's life story, and this is what... | ||
| I was pissed off at Foxcatcher for the same reason. | ||
| That movie Foxcatcher about John DuPont, who was that crazy old man who shot Dave Schultz, who's an Olympic champion wrestler, and it was based on his brother Mark Schultz in this movie. | ||
| They fucked with everything in that movie. | ||
| He's so angry. | ||
| Mark Schultz has been tweeting like crazy because he's still alive. | ||
| Beautiful mind, too. | ||
| He's an Olympic gold medalist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| They said they killed him in the movie? | ||
| Well, no, no, no. | ||
| John DuPont killed an Olympic gold medalist in the movie. | ||
| But his brother, Mark Schultz, who the movie and the book is based on, is still alive. | ||
| And they changed all these aspects of his life for this movie. | ||
| And he's like, I'm still alive. | ||
| This is me. | ||
| This isn't like a Chris Kyle thing where they made the movie after he's dead and who knows what he let put in and not put in. | ||
| Mark Schultz is saying this didn't happen. | ||
| They messed with shit that didn't even make sense. | ||
| They had the UFC in their movie, but it was in 1988. There was no fucking UFC until 1993. It didn't even exist. | ||
| So they're watching an actual fight between Big Daddy Goodrich, who was the eventual opponent of Mark Schultz. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And a lot of people are like, yeah, Wilgen, you're all the fucking UFC trivia. | |
| Nobody gives a shit. | ||
| It's about the story. | ||
| No, it's not, dummy. | ||
| It's about history. | ||
| Because why would you make up any aspects of history when you're doing a true story? | ||
| You don't need to change the timeline for the UFC. That's totally arbitrary. | ||
| Like, someone deciding to do that is their own creative flair, just jizzing, just cupping their balls and jizzing over history. | ||
| Right if you did that with that how the fuck am I gonna believe any of the aspects of the story? | ||
| Because you lied about something I know you lied about right this is weird shit Where there's like there's like this weird relationship between the two and they're looking at each other weird and he's wearing shorts And now he's got frosted tips and people were saying that it seemed like it was gay and Schultz got really upset that they were Insinuating there was some sort of a gay relationship They like fucked with the the timeline of his achievements too because he had already won the world championships I mean | ||
| I mean, he was already the best wrestler in the world in his weight class, and they were making it look like he needed his brother, and, you know, that he was sucking in. | ||
| DuPont, his career was falling apart. | ||
| He was the best wrestler in his weight class in the world. | ||
| Mark fucking Schultz was an animal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I mean, if you watch him wrestle when he was... | ||
| In his peak form, he was a fucking animal. | ||
| And they changed the aspects of his achievements in this movie. | ||
| He was already a world champion. | ||
| The way they made it, and the way the guy was fucked, and nothing was going right for him, and then he needed this John DuPont situation, and that's why he moved in there. | ||
| In A Beautiful Mind, when the wife stuck with him, even though he was going crazy, in the real life, she just left. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| As soon as he ran the bathwater on the kid, she was like, I'm out. | ||
| I'm divorcing you. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was no, like, we're gonna make it together, baby. | ||
| Why did he do that? | ||
| Yeah, and this was like, and American Sniper was like, we're gonna tell the whole story. | ||
| Like, what whole story? | ||
| There was also a shitty father and husband? | ||
| I'm thinking about the Ari Shaffir story when it comes out. | ||
| They're gonna show him, like, with a bag of mushrooms, but he's, like, weeping as he eats them, like, I can't stop! | ||
| I'm like, you're calling him like, Ari, you gotta stop eating those mushrooms, man. | ||
| And all he's doing is watching child porn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you. | |
| I don't even know why. | ||
| Why should it be legal? | ||
| I can watch it. | ||
| I didn't fuck any kids. | ||
| Why isn't the video themselves legal? | ||
| I'll put some words in your mouth that you've never said that someone could totally see. | ||
| Put it on a newspaper quote or something and have it come up. | ||
| Did you ever see Lenny with Dustin Hoffman? | ||
| You know, I missed it. | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| Look, I'm a huge fucking Lenny Bruce fan, so I'm fascinated by him. | ||
| I'm not a huge fan of his war. | ||
| This is a tricky way to say it. | ||
| I'm not endorsing it right now. | ||
| I'm saying if Lenny Bruce was performing at the Laugh Factory and you were at the Comedy Store, I would tell people to go see you. | ||
| I would go, because it would be freaky just to see him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you're dealing with a completely different era. | ||
| The world was just way different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But anyway, there's this great Dustin Hoffman movie where Dustin Hoffman fucking nailed it. | ||
| He sounds just like Lenny Bruce. | ||
| I mean, he's one of the few times where a guy's on stage and it seems like he's a real comic. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's really good, but he says a bunch of shit and you go, did he say that? | ||
| How do I know he said that? | ||
| I know you know, I know you don't know exactly what came out of his mouth at any given moment. | ||
| So a lot of this is just bullshit. | ||
| You know, and so if there's a real person, You've got to try your best to make everything as on the money as possible. | ||
| And whatever you fill in has got to be directly related to everything you absolutely know happened. | ||
| But you're not going to be able to fill in stuff like when he tells his wife he loves her for the first time. | ||
| It's like, I'm guessing this is how it went. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| Unless the wife's alive and she can tell you. | ||
| Yeah, then it could help. | ||
| Other than that, I think what you're talking about is a controversial subject. | ||
| I think some people say that you've got creative license when things are moving. | ||
| It didn't even say based on a true story. | ||
| It said this is a true story. | ||
| Clint Eastwood, look, he's rah-rah all the way. | ||
| He's a flag-waving old man. | ||
| He sure is. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| All those old men stick together. | ||
| Well, look, I think Howard Stern is just saying he enjoyed it as a movie. | ||
| It's supposed to be a very good movie. | ||
| Like, well made as a movie. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| There was no plot. | ||
| There was no story. | ||
| The acting was horrible. | ||
| There were some cool, like, fucking sniping shots. | ||
| The sniping was cool. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| But it wasn't much. | ||
| I don't think you could label... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's not like a war apologist or anything like that. | |
| The one bad guy who wants to get the whole time is like, I don't understand. | ||
| Here's what it comes down to, man. | ||
| I think I've said on the podcast before. | ||
| Here's what it boils down to. | ||
| You want to use military equipment, right? | ||
| In a movie. | ||
| You're not going to get your own fucking tanks, and where are you going to get the military equipment from? | ||
| You're going to get the military equipment from the military. | ||
| And the military, and you can look this up, they get to have script approval. | ||
| So the military, they look through your script, and they make sure that the stuff that is in your script is going to get people down to their local recruiting office, and that's why they let you use their machinery. | ||
| You know they said to Kubrick that there's never been an anti-war movie that hasn't made enlistment go up? | ||
| Anti-war movies? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| So you feel like you literally cannot make an anti-war movie, because every single depiction of war makes people go, oh, that's cool. | ||
| Like Platoon? | ||
| All of it. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| You can see the trend. | ||
| Right afterwards, enlistment shoots up after those big movies come out. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Even when you see A Saving Private Ryan, the guy gets blown up, the coolest night, but everyone's like, I want to be a snake. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You forget the fact they got blown up. | ||
| Because people like being violent. | ||
| And this is why Sebastian Junger's book, War, is such an incredible book, because it portrays war with no attempt to be like, this is right or this is wrong. | ||
| It just says, if you take a... | ||
| I can't remember the exact wording, but it's like, if you take a 22-year-old and put them behind one of those giant fucking submachine guns, it feels good! | ||
| It's fun to like... | ||
| It feels good. | ||
| People love violence. | ||
| So, if you can figure out a way to get people to be violent without the guilt that goes along with, like, you're killing other members of your species, then what do you do? | ||
| You create an imaginary story, right? | ||
| And the imaginary story in Iraq was the Weapons of mass destruction. | ||
| Also, Saddam Hussein! | ||
| That's what they said in this movie, like, oh, if I don't do my job, they come to San Diego and knock on your door. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's apparently another aspect of the book that has been questioned, is that the barrels of weapons of mass destruction that they found. | ||
| Like, he said that they found, like, chemical weapons. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, he said, we actually saw them. | ||
| We laid eyes on them, but they're like, why didn't you tell anybody? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Here's a fun Google search. | ||
| Do a Google search on birth defects in some of the parts of Iraq that we attacked because we used shells that had some kind of radioactive isotope in it, so now the babies are being born with birth defects. | ||
| Because the other thing people say is, Saddam Hussein gassed his own people, right? | ||
| He gassed his own people. | ||
| Well, what are we doing to them when we're dropping all those bombs? | ||
| Targeted strikes, man. | ||
| They know exactly where they're heading. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| Babies are being born there with severe birth defects because of what we did there. | ||
| So, I think in a movie like that, you need to at least illustrate the fact that the reason that man was sitting on the tops of buildings in that area killing people was he was It was because he was sent there based on bad information, to say the least. | ||
| And the people he's killing, like in the very beginning, it's like, anybody over the age of 18, this is like in this scene. | ||
| Anybody over the age of 18 in this area, this is an evacuation zone. | ||
| So there's no one here except people that are out to kill us. | ||
| It's all open game. | ||
| It's like, oh, wait a minute. | ||
| So you're The very first shot. | ||
| So we don't worry about, is this questionable morally? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Anyone who's there, over 18, that's what they're there for. | ||
| These monsters did not leave the city that we bombed that they lived in when we told them to. | ||
| So if they're still here, kill their ass. | ||
| And then he still shows restraint. | ||
| And then when he finally has to, it's a kid, but he has a fucking grenade launcher. | ||
| He waits until the kid's running at the fucking, and about to throw it, and then he shoots him. | ||
| But it's totally justified. | ||
| They show him shooting a kid? | ||
| And then the mom. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| But why would the kid be angry? | ||
| I mean, really, why would you be angry? | ||
| They only destroyed your city that you lived in. | ||
| This is another thing like we were talking about earlier. | ||
| They're shooting Marines. | ||
| It's like, why are the Marines right there where they can get shot? | ||
| Just go thousands of miles away back to America. | ||
| What we were saying earlier about ideologies are the problem. | ||
| And being a nationalistic person, subscribing and being a patriot, subscribing to one nation only, regardless of what the actual act itself is, looking at it like, you know, that's okay because it's one of us. | ||
| Like, that is an ideology. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| That is as much of an ideology as a religion. | ||
| It's like this unquestioning thing. | ||
| One of the things that Michael Moore was saying was that he put it on his Twitter that a sniper is a coward, and everybody got really pissed off. | ||
| I think the logic behind it is kind of silly. | ||
| You have to look them in the eye when you shoot them, like shooting someone in the back is a coward. | ||
| Well, in that sense, 90% of war is cowardly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you're saying some kind of war is okay, but some kind of... | ||
| You have rules? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You have to look at somebody? | ||
| Shot in the back, or like, what about from 100 yards? | ||
| How about rockets? | ||
| That means no more rockets. | ||
| No more drones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of the shooting that you do is you're shooting people. | ||
| Like, you don't necessarily look them in the eye when you shoot them. | ||
| Are you having a duel? | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| You're standing back to back and walking 10 paces like assholes? | ||
| Like, what kind of... | ||
| Even if there's a reason to be there, can't you look at some of the negative effects and say we want to pull those back? | ||
| Why do 30% of children in Yemen have PTSD now because of drones? | ||
| We can't say that's a negative. | ||
| It's really important that that information gets out there when you are putting a movie out that's going to get people. | ||
| In the same way like when Beverly Hills Chihuahua came out. | ||
| Everybody bought a Chihuahua and the pounds filled up with Chihuahuas. | ||
| American Sniper is gonna do the exact same thing for people who are a little confused in what to do in their lives. | ||
| And they're gonna think, well, I guess the best thing I can do right now is kill people that my government tells me are evil, even though if I study the facts, I find that It's a far more complex issue than that, and maybe my decision should not be to become a hired killer for people who are telling me that I should kill people who more than likely are innocent or just trying to defend their home from an invading, occupying force. | ||
| It's really important to realize that. | ||
| Now, I'm not saying All war is bad. | ||
| Because some people will be like, you naive son of a bitch, you don't even realize. | ||
| Let me repeat the speech at the beginning of American Sniper. | ||
| This is what the dad... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| God, it was so terrible. | ||
| Here's the speech the dad gives at the dinner table after the American Sniper. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Chris? | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Chris Kyle. | ||
| Chris Kyle has just offended his brother from a beating by a bully. | ||
| And they're sitting around the table. | ||
| His brother's got bruised up a little bit. | ||
| Chris Kyle's sitting there and his dad gives this speech. | ||
| There's three types of people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, wait, wait. | |
| Hold on. | ||
| Before you give the speech. | ||
| He goes, I was just defending my brother. | ||
| And he looks at the little brother with a black eye and he goes, is that true? | ||
| Like, what do you mean? | ||
| Obviously. | ||
| He has a black eye. | ||
| He just got beat up. | ||
| That's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How did you not tell that? | |
| That's right. | ||
| What a shitty movie. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| And he goes, yep, all it is. | ||
| Three types of people in the world. | ||
| Three types. | ||
| There's sheeps, and these are the people who believe that there aren't evil people in the world. | ||
| And by the way, I'm paraphrasing. | ||
| I don't want to memorize it. | ||
| There's the sheeps. | ||
| These are the people who believe that there aren't evil people in the world and that everything's safe. | ||
| And then there's the wolves. | ||
| And these are the people who try to use evil to overpower others. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| And then there's the sheepdogs. | ||
| And these are the people who defend the sheep. | ||
| What are you gonna be? | ||
| He goes, if you're anything, if you're the sheep or the wolf, And he takes his belt off and puts it down. | ||
| Whoop your fucking ass! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| You gotta be a sheepdog in this family, motherfucker! | ||
| Whoop your ass! | ||
| Watch it, man. | ||
| From the very beginning, it's pure, low-grade propaganda. | ||
| It really is, like the way Mencia would talk about how soldiers are on their dying breath. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tell them, I'm just glad I got to see Mencia before I die. | |
| He was for real telling that story. | ||
| He was for real telling that story. | ||
| Oh, that was a story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When was this story? | ||
| I remember going around there. | ||
| He'd tell people, like, yeah, I met his fucking buddy in arms when he was dying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was like, you know, I got married and did a lot of good things. | |
| But at least I got... | ||
|
unidentified
|
At least I got this immense deal before I died. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Ari, I will give you... | ||
| Imagine if that really did happen, though. | ||
| That's actually sadder. | ||
| That's sadder than him lying. | ||
| It would actually happen. | ||
| We're assuming it didn't happen, but people are definitely dumb enough to do that. | ||
| You don't understand about the Punisher tour of 2006. It was magical. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's fucking hilarious. | ||
| His last words, you know, the guy would be like, but what about him stealing jokes? | ||
| His last words, but he did it better. | ||
| But he did it better. | ||
| But he did it better. | ||
| Different in my country. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Ari, I will give you $100,000 on your deathbed. | ||
| You say, at least I got to see Mencia. | ||
| A hundred thousand? | ||
| You would really give him a hundred thousand? | ||
| And how would he use it? | ||
| He's dead! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you double-crosser. | |
| This is a terrible fucking deal. | ||
| You double-crosser. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| Well, you won't need this, and I am one of your best friends, so I'll just take these stacks back. | ||
| Upon expiration. | ||
| At least I can say I got that. | ||
| Yeah, on your deathbed. | ||
| By the way, my storyteller show, This Is Not Happy, premieres this Thursday. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| With me, Bobby Lee, and Keegan-Michael Key. | ||
| And Duncan, we've done these extra stories that we're doing for the web only. | ||
| They'll all be on YouTube. | ||
| And Duncan's is premiering tomorrow. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Duncan tells a cool story about going to... | ||
| Bad LSD trip. | ||
| Grateful Dead concert? | ||
| Is there a reason they didn't want to put that on television? | ||
| The reason is to book another white male was nearly impossible. | ||
| You had too many white males? | ||
| Did you need diversity training? | ||
| Oh yeah, there was like, who else can we get that's a little not bad. | ||
| Wait, so you had to go out of your way? | ||
| You had to go out of your way to look for non-white males? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's a Jerry Seinfeld type situation? | ||
| Yeah, they're like, look, we're just gonna get two attacked if you don't get some others. | ||
| We'll get two attacked. | ||
| It's just like, bottom line, it was just like fucking awful. | ||
| Well, I mean, they're pissed about the, what is it, the Oscars? | ||
| They don't have to get half. | ||
| But you've got to be representative. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| They're pissed about the Oscars. | ||
| It's all white people. | ||
| Unless black people are being excluded. | ||
| Unless Asian people are being excluded. | ||
| We've got Bobby Lee! | ||
| Joey Diaz! | ||
| Those are both fucking ethnos. | ||
| My problem is you can't have affirmative action comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| You're going to ruin the whole thing. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Whoever's funny. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But you can do it like this. | ||
| Show me the pool of people that are qualified. | ||
| You can show them 100 people. | ||
| Make two of those. | ||
| There's only six blacks that are qualified of those hundreds, but pick two of them. | ||
| I don't mind being on the internet. | ||
| I love the internet. | ||
| That's where I live is on the internet. | ||
| Those clips, they can be way longer, too, just like we did last year. | ||
| Completely like, don't worry about anything. | ||
| No, I love the one that you put that we did that was on the internet. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| It was actually before the show was even on TV. It's totally awesome to have something on the internet. | ||
| I was just confused as to what the reasoning for it was. - And we also, 'cause it came later too, Eric, the guy who runs it with me, he was like, "Hey, let's do it also a web series." - That's a great idea. - Let's continue to do a web series. | ||
| And that way he goes too, it's like, if we show some short ones, we wanna bump somebody up, we can if they're a good short story. | ||
| So we're at Rothbart and with Miss Pat. - You know what's fucking awesome about the web too? | ||
| It doesn't get canceled. | ||
| It doesn't get cancelled. | ||
| It's on any time you want. | ||
| It's actually a way better medium for distribution. | ||
| A YouTube channel is way better, especially now. | ||
| You have YouTube on Apple TV, so you can go right to YouTube. | ||
| You can get YouTube on a lot of those little Netflix-type situations. | ||
| Yes, you can watch it on your TV. You can watch it on your phone. | ||
| You can watch it anywhere you want. | ||
| If it's on Comedy Central, you're going to be guaranteed a very large audience. | ||
| You know, like, million-plus audience of people sitting there watching. | ||
| A lot of them that aren't even your fans. | ||
| When you go online, you're going to get all of your fans. | ||
| Also, they watch it more intently. | ||
| They see your name right there. | ||
| It's way easier for them, like, fan-wise. | ||
| Yeah, fan-wise. | ||
| That's why I told them, like, we want to do it on TV. And they're like, okay, if it's a no-web. | ||
| I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Also, all those stories go on the web. | ||
| Let's make a cool-looking clip. | ||
| I couldn't tell a story about trying to buy acid in a parking lot on TV. Exactly! | ||
| Big J has one that's great about some sex, and a dog is involved, and they're like, you're not doing BCLity on here. | ||
| We'll put it on the web, though. | ||
| And they're like, fine, golden, I don't care. | ||
| Isn't that hilarious? | ||
| I just think that's the way. | ||
| If I get to choose... | ||
| Yeah, Duncan said that because I don't even want to. | ||
| I'd rather be the wet. | ||
| You can say whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Yeah, I would. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Because he called me and he's like, can we go through what your story is? | ||
| The idea being if we can, like, maybe we can make it so it could possibly be on TV. And I said, oh, no, I'd just rather not be on TV because I don't want to worry about that. | ||
| I don't want to think about that because the story I'm telling is a story about being in high school trying to buy drugs and just the worst slash best acid trip I ever had in my life. | ||
| You don't even want to have to worry about someone going, can you make it sound a little less pro? | ||
| I don't even want to get into it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because I am pro LSD. Do they actually say that? | |
| No, but you can see them maybe saying that. | ||
| But it could happen. | ||
| No, in my special I go, do more drugs. | ||
| How good for you. | ||
| Like, you should do drugs. | ||
| But do you say specifically what drugs? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Mushrooms and any sort of psychedelic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I'm like, you'll never, there's nothing ever bad happen to you. | ||
| If Jeb Bush gets in office, that could be an issue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, yeah, I mean, there's a statute of, I mean, you could, could it be an issue? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| No, no, shh, cry. | ||
| All both of you, stop it. | ||
| You're going to get ideas in their heads. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| You're talking about Schedule 1 drugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Oh, Comedy Central's heads? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're not worried about the politicians themselves? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Comedy Central, don't be pussies. | ||
| You guys are rebels. | ||
| I think with mushrooms, especially, I think mushrooms, like, okay, remember when marijuana was deeply illegal way back in the day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh, uh-huh. | |
| And you'd fantasize with your friends about the idea of marijuana becoming legalized, and you could see that it could be on the horizon, maybe, but it was still kind of like, it's never going to be legal. | ||
| It's a ridiculous dream. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think mushrooms is the new marijuana. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I think mushrooms is going to, psilocybin is going to become a prescription medication that's given to people to stop smoking. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly! | ||
| That's going to happen. | ||
| Once they start realizing that there are medical benefits, that they keep looking like they're improving, that it's like, they'll try to separate it. | ||
| Ibogaine. | ||
| Ibogaine's a big one. | ||
| Thank God for Doblin. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| He's a champion, hero. | ||
| That guy deserves a Nobel Prize for the work he's doing for psychedelics. | ||
| Because he's doing stringent, hardcore studies proving that many of these psychoactive compounds have medicinal... | ||
| Who is that? | ||
| Rick Doblin. | ||
| From the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, MAPS. It's just they do these real hardcore studies where it's undeniable. | ||
| Oh look, what do you know? | ||
| Psilocybin helps long-term smokers quit and when you compare it to Chantix, it's like the psilocybin is a million times better. | ||
| Yeah, it helped with my depression a lot. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| It heals you. | ||
| It changes the way your brain is functioning. | ||
| The paths that you're on. | ||
| I think the paths you're on... | ||
| Someone tried to explain this to me once. | ||
| I've always tried to remember the exact way it's explained. | ||
| But that we want to think of our moments as being moments individual unto themselves. | ||
| But they're not. | ||
| They're a chain of unique moments throughout your entire life. | ||
| Your interpretations of those unique moments... | ||
| I'm paraphrasing the shit out of how this guy said it. | ||
| And then all of your associations with life itself that are connected to your interpretations of these moments and then boom, here you are today. | ||
| And you want to think that this is life. | ||
| But it's only life because of all these pathways that you've carved in the way you view the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's cool. | |
| As soon as you change those pathways, you open up a whole new world. | ||
| Because now your associations are different, so now your brain's reaction to life itself... | ||
| It's just changing your route to work, and all of a sudden you're like, well, look at these doors. | ||
| You're changing your neurochemistry. | ||
| You're changing your chemistry. | ||
| And it's such a great feeling whenever any... | ||
| That happens just slightly. | ||
| Because a lot of people are in a cave-in situation when it comes to their lives. | ||
| They're literally buried under a series of... | ||
| Antiquated, stale symbols that they're looking at the universe through and they feel trapped. | ||
| It's like their shoes are too tight. | ||
| And if like a psychedelic or meditating too, and I really mean that, I'm not just saying that because I'm... | ||
| I really think meditation has a very similar effect but any of these things they reset those symbol structures in your brain and if you just like if you're in a cave-in and you get an extra inch compared to like being compressed against the wall that's a big fucking deal man oh right so it's slightly percentage difference change just a slight change is like oh thank god i'm 13% less frightened than I was for my entire life. | ||
| Have you ever heard Tony Robbins talk about changing paths in life? | ||
| It's a really interesting analogy. | ||
| He talks about like you're going two cars going the exact same or a boat rather, two boats going exactly the same direction, but one boat just takes a two degree turn. | ||
| Just two degrees. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| As they go further down, the one boat that took the two degree turn is going to go wider and wider away from the original path. | ||
| And then each decision that you make that's a good decision takes you closer. | ||
| Even though it's just like you're just steering your ship just as you go out, it's going to be a much different path, a much different end than if you just stayed on the original path. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that. | |
| Yeah, way different. | ||
| And psychedelics makes you go, right turn, Claude. | ||
| Yep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| That's right. | ||
| Look at Amber Lyon. | ||
| The currents try to bring you back, though. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, ego tries to bring you back. | ||
| So you go this way, and the currents kind of bring you back to where you were going. | ||
| So it's like, you've got to take them again. | ||
| Well, I've always said that doing psychedelics is like pressing the reset button for your brain. | ||
| Control-Alt-Delete. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember that bit? | |
| That your desktop reboots and there's only one folder on the desktop. | ||
| And that desktop says, the folder says, my old bullshit. | ||
| And you have two choices. | ||
| Either you just create a completely different desktop, look at reality as a completely different, or open up my old bullshit and fall back into these familiar patterns because they're very comforting. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, and those moments after the psychedelic experience are so important to grab and hang on to because it gives you this opportunity to make this new way of thinking like a part of your habit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And once you get in that habit, whether it's fucking, you know, 30 days or 60 days or 90 days, like people say that once you like have a pattern ingrained in how you behave and think and do... | ||
| It just takes a consistent approach to that pattern, and then it becomes like a part of you. | ||
| That's why people that quit smoking are like, get past the first 90 days and you'll be alright. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Jews say if you go sit in the same seat three times, you should just keep sitting there. | ||
| That's your all-time seat. | ||
| Wow, that's smart. | ||
| Yeah, it makes sense. | ||
| It's like when you take a psychedelic, it's like if your life is a polluted city, like what are those polluted, like what's that? | ||
| Detroit. | ||
| Detroit, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like the psychedelic all of a sudden takes you in a helicopter outside the pollution. | ||
| And so now you're seeing Oh god, the air up here is so fresh. | ||
| It's so nice down here. | ||
| But the thing is, the helicopter's gonna land. | ||
| It's gonna put you back out into your city, and that's where the job starts, which is like, shit man, it's nice up there. | ||
| How can I clean this fucking thing up? | ||
| And then that's when you start doing things like exercising, meditating, or that's where you create just a very simple intention in everything you do, which is, as much as possible, I'm gonna try to alleviate the suffering of people around me as much as I can. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that might not be a lot. | ||
| It might just be... | ||
| It definitely does that, too. | ||
| We got back from this last UFC, just a little bit of mushrooms. | ||
| I saw a homeless guy, and I opened my wallet, and I only had 20s. | ||
| And I was like, no, fuck it. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| That's what it does. | ||
| In those little moments, man, it shows you that those moments present themselves to you all day fucking long, but if you are stuck in selfishness, you don't see it. | ||
| Yeah, it's real simple little things. | ||
| But it's fun. | ||
| It's a very wonderful... | ||
| That kind of simple intention can really de-pollute your subjective city that you've been sucking in shitty gas for the most of your life. | ||
| There was one time that I saw it that I was... | ||
| The only time I was like, I have a guide to somebody, but it was Willie Hunter was on him, and he was shitting on Vine. | ||
| He was shitting on some comic who would become a Vine star. | ||
| She was a shitty comic, but she became like a... | ||
| And he was like, I hate Vine. | ||
| We're like, Vine, man. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| They're six-second fun videos. | ||
| And he's like, no, I hate them. | ||
| I'm like, what about a six-second YouTube video? | ||
| You'd watch that. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| He was just being shitty. | ||
| We're trying to talk about it, and he couldn't stop. | ||
| Then we started doing the mushrooms, and he was like, I'm a bad person. | ||
| And everyone's like, no, no, you're fine. | ||
| And he kept doing it, and eventually I was like, Willie, listen. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| That was you being a bad person. | ||
| He's like, I'm so sorry. | ||
| But I was like, it's okay, because here's the deal. | ||
| From now on, you don't have to be that anymore. | ||
| You can just let that go and let people talk. | ||
| And he's like... | ||
| That's what it shows you like you can change but that thing you're talking about where you realize shit I'm a bad person that is There's I can't remember the name in Buddhism There's an actual name for that and it's considered to be a very sweet moment where you need that moment it's fertilizer where you need that moment where you look at your life and and you feel this very specific kind of sadness because you look at all the times you could have been kinder all the times you could have like called that person back all the times you | ||
| could have made decisions that were pushing your boat in the direction of a better world and you didn't do it and you should feel sad about that but you shouldn't spend your whole life feeling sad about it you should just spend some time there and look at it and think okay Well, that's gone. | ||
| The past has been devoured by time. | ||
| There's only this moment now. | ||
| And so from this point forward, as much as I can, my decisions are going to be based on reducing the suffering of my species. | ||
| And that means... | ||
| Pick up your trash. | ||
| You litter before doesn't mean you have to keep going forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Simple. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the path of... | ||
| Trying to figure out what's the best way in life is obscured by law. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| There's laws that they've created that make the best tools to find out who you really are illegal. | ||
| There's not a therapy in the fucking world that will get a crazy, sociopathic, egomaniacal person to really look at themselves like a bag of mushrooms. | ||
| There's nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| All those moments in film are like, whoa, I realize now that's all bullshit. | ||
| That's recreating a mushroom trip. | ||
| People that you know that are untrustworthy, that you can't trust their stories, you can't trust their... | ||
| Those are the people that we all agree could have the best experience on psychedelics because it'll give them the best view of themselves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But... | ||
| Those are the same type of people that are going to argue against it. | ||
| Like, if you ever talk to people that don't want mushrooms to be legal or don't want something like, ah, but then fuck that. | ||
| You think that should be legal? | ||
| You'll lose your fucking mind. | ||
| What about people who have lost their fucking mind on that? | ||
| It's fascinating. | ||
| What people have lost their mind? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Movies? | ||
| In the 40s? | ||
| Well, there's been some people that have blown their brains out with LSD for sure. | ||
| There's definitely been some people that had some psychotic episodes. | ||
| And it can be argued that a lot of those psychotic episodes are people who are control freaks or egomaniacs that are struggling with the reality that's presented to them. | ||
| Schizophrenics shouldn't try it. | ||
| Fuck yeah, for sure. | ||
| People with a history of schizophrenia in their family. | ||
| What about bipolar people? | ||
| What about bipolar people? | ||
| They probably shouldn't try it either. | ||
| I mean, it's probably a whole slew of people who have abnormal human chemistry. | ||
| You know what else bipolar people shouldn't try? | ||
| Caffeine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| They shouldn't take caffeine pills. | ||
| Yeah, you shouldn't do anything that's going to push you into a manic state. | ||
| It's like, we can't consider... | ||
| You know, it's like the victim thing about people, the victims of psychedelics... | ||
| You know, and I know you think climbing up, what is it, the mountain, you think it's ridiculous, but there's a valley there called the, I just read about this on Reddit, I think it's called, there's an area, I think it's called the Valley of Rainbows, and they call it that because of the brightly colored jackets on the corpses that are all laying there dead. | ||
| And I think psychedelics have the same kind of valley. | ||
| I think that there is an undeniable valley That must be filled with people who've been pushed into psychotic episodes or who under the influence of a psychedelic made bad decisions, car accidents, all the things that come from irresponsibly using and intoxicating. | ||
| You've got to admit that's real, but just because that is real doesn't therefore exclude all the people who are saying again and again and again and again I've had amazing times. | ||
| My relationships are better. | ||
| Same thing with alcohol. | ||
| My marriage is healed. | ||
| Same thing with alcohol. | ||
| It's like, alright, there's some drunk drivers. | ||
| Don't drunk drive. | ||
| But like, it's pretty fun to get fucked up with your friends once in a while. | ||
| You gotta look at the whole fucking picture. | ||
| Look at the whole thing. | ||
| Don't deny the fact that they're Dangerous chemicals and that people have more than likely completely lost their shit because of them. | ||
| Don't deny that, but then also don't deny the benefits in the same way with American Sniper. | ||
| Much better movie if that character was actually dealing with the fact that he's blowing people away in a war that has been shown to be based on bad information. | ||
| Don't you think that when you get to be as old as Clint Eastwood is, don't you think that your faculties have been compromised? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Almost 100%. | ||
| He's not thinking the same way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was. | ||
| He's not as sharp. | ||
| No, honestly. | ||
| And Million Dollar Baby was really good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But this is not that. | ||
| Also, it's this subject matter that he's prone to go into these very right-wing paths with. | ||
| And also, you probably can't separate your deep feelings. | ||
| He didn't have deep feelings about women boxers. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But he had deep feelings about this, so he's got to be 100% right. | ||
| Rah, rah, rah. | ||
| And it's like, alright man, now you're not... | ||
| Even if you were younger, you still wouldn't be able to see this clearly. | ||
| It's like when someone talks in their own words, and you get to hear them talk in their own words, you get a sense of like, oh, I see why you created this piece of art. | ||
| I see why this is your perspective. | ||
| And when you saw that Republican National Convention thing, whatever the fuck it was, when he was talking to Obama, that's Glenn Eastwood. | ||
| That's who he is. | ||
| He's so fucking crazy that he thought that up on the spot. | ||
| That was ad-libbed. | ||
| He didn't even have anything planned out. | ||
| This fucking guy is giving this speech in front of this gigantic group of people. | ||
| He's so confident in his ideas that he's gonna ad-lib a conversation with Obama, complete with punchlines. | ||
| He comes from a non-video world, too, where he's like, eh, so what, it's a group of a thousand people. | ||
| Well, he's also just completely confident in his position and life and who he is, and he's a movie star. | ||
| He's been a movie star for fucking 100,000 years. | ||
| Everybody's been kissing his ass long before the internet came along. | ||
| He's also a guy that agreed to do a fucking reality show. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Where his wife was in a reality show. | ||
| His wife was in some crazy reality show, man. | ||
| His wife... | ||
| I don't know if they're still together. | ||
| I think they might have got divorced. | ||
| But she wanted to be a star. | ||
| So she married Clint Eastwood. | ||
| She was young and hot. | ||
| And then she did a reality show. | ||
| Didn't know it. | ||
| Yeah, it didn't last. | ||
| I'm not sure if he's still with her. | ||
| There's no drama to it. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| I looked up an interview with Eastwood about directing the movie because I didn't understand how the guy at the Republican National... | ||
| You were affected by this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I mean, I was just like, oh, wow, this is such blatant propaganda. | ||
| They're not even trying to make it subtle. | ||
| This is just like wartime propaganda. | ||
| They make a movie out of it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That I was curious, like, okay, I wonder how involved Eastwood was in directing this just based on what I saw at the Republican National Convention. | ||
| Didn't know it was improvised. | ||
| So now that kind of explains it. | ||
| I thought maybe he was just suffering from senile dementia or something. | ||
| It was called Mrs. Eastwood and Company. | ||
| It was on 2012. It was a reality show. | ||
| So what did the interview say, though? | ||
| Well, the interview was, you know, it was just him saying like he had actually been reading the book when they called and he said, let me finish the book. | ||
| I've got 40 pages left. | ||
| And so I read it the next day and decided, you know, it's just a basic, basic interview. | ||
| But I just, it was, I was just so appalled by the fucking thing. | ||
| That was her. | ||
| She's pretty goddamn hot. | ||
| That's his wife? | ||
| It was his wife. | ||
| She divorced him. | ||
| Of course, of course he would marry a super hot person. | ||
| She's hot as fuck. | ||
| You should. | ||
| Kapowza wowza, son. | ||
| He's a goddamn movie star. | ||
| Yeah, he is. | ||
| What do you expect? | ||
| Yeah, you can't really... | ||
| Were you going to say you also have something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I also have a story that's out on YouTube now. | ||
| My first story. | ||
| They put it out. | ||
| Oh, beautiful. | ||
| Smuggling weed in Australia. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| Don't talk about that online. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| The beginning of it is... | ||
| You should say this is all a lie. | ||
| You just got done talking about how truthful you should be. | ||
| I don't do it anymore. | ||
| I don't do it anymore because of the results of this story. | ||
| But even then, you could be admitting to an Interpol-related crime. | ||
| No, I don't buy into any of that shit. | ||
| They have every bag of garbage from the moment of time and they have them locked up. | ||
| By date, labeled. | ||
| So that if you talk about something, they can go back to this warehouse. | ||
| And they go, we found it! | ||
| We found the bag! | ||
| We got the wrappers! | ||
| This fucking kid's on the pot! | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That you brought those. | ||
| They'll find your DNA from the wrapper, from your sweat. | ||
| They'll isolate it. | ||
| And they'll bring you up into some sort of tribunal the next time you try to go to Sydney. | ||
| Here's how little I care about that. | ||
| Just YouTube search. | ||
| This is not happening. | ||
| Ari smuggles weed into Australia. | ||
| And you can see it right now. | ||
| You are a gangster, sir. | ||
| You know, man, that makes me think of this movie that's coming out I'm really excited about. | ||
| Timothy Leary's kid is releasing this movie about his dad and Richard Alpert, but it's got all this fridge. | ||
| Bradley Cooper plays Timothy Leary, I heard. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| No, this is a documentary. | ||
| Oh, I missed it. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry, Joe. | |
| Totally. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's such a slow ball, too, and I just fucking like, what? | |
| Yeah, he was going to give acid to this kid, and he wasn't going to, but then the kid picked up a Bible, so he gave the kid acid. | ||
| No, this... | ||
| We've got to start making the real movies of these things. | ||
| That would be like their sniper moment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the kid is about to pick up the bottle. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| He gets the eyedropper and squirts it in the kid's mouth. | ||
| And you see the kid's eyeballs dilate. | ||
| The kid falls back into a kaleidoscope. | ||
| Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club. | ||
| Here's the real Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We hope you... | |
| That is what they do, too. | ||
| They would do something probably worse, something more ridiculous than that. | ||
| Won't smart people be able to see through this? | ||
| Yeah, that's not who's watching this, though. | ||
| Yeah, those sniper movies aren't really for smart people. | ||
| But it's cool to watch clips of Timothy Leary at the Senate hearings, man. | ||
| I apologize to my date afterwards. | ||
| It's cool watching him, like, having to talk to Senate about LSD. It's badass. | ||
| So he does. | ||
| You apologize to your date? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
| We were talking, and I was like, yeah, I thought that would be better than I was. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Just a poor pick. | ||
| I mean, you get to pick the next one. | ||
| That's hilarious, dude. | ||
| Poor pick. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| There's a lot of stories about this. | ||
| I'm getting a shitload of tweets of people asking me to substantiate, but there's a lot of stories. | ||
| It's all over online. | ||
| What, him being a liar? | ||
| Yeah, well, the concerns. | ||
| I can't say. | ||
| I don't know who the fuck is right and who's wrong. | ||
| I didn't do any research. | ||
| Except the jury decided. | ||
| The jury decided. | ||
| In this one case, that Ventura is right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then nothing else has been... | ||
| They owe Jesse Ventura $1.8 million, apparently. | ||
| $1.8 million. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good. | |
| It should be $1.9 million. | ||
| I say $1.7 million. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It's all so crazy. | ||
| It's never like $1.81374 million. | ||
| It's that exact amount is the pain. | ||
| How do they come up with it? | ||
| You narrowed it down to the closest $800,000? | ||
| That's a weird thing, man, to make a movie about a guy that might have been a liar and put those lies in a movie and that gets all frothy. | ||
| This is a true story. | ||
| You know what that means. | ||
| That means another fucking attack's coming. | ||
| Is that what it means? | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| It's all orchestrated already? | ||
| Because we've got to get people ready to join up. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| Yeah, I mean, it's better than a draft. | ||
| I guess if you've got to pick between a draft and non-draft, if that means ridiculous propaganda movies coming out every year, then... | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| I think we should fight no wars with anyone under 50. I think everybody who goes to war should be over 50. World peace. | ||
| Let's see how quick we fucking settle this thing. | ||
| I bet it would be pretty goddamn quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| A bunch of old people that just don't want any trouble. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| It was like, how can we... | ||
| Is there a way to solve this without shooting them? | ||
| It's like those cops were like, he was coming at me. | ||
| And it's like, okay, but shooting them to death is the only way to stop a guy from coming at you? | ||
| Because you think about the consequences of the decision. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Think about the consequences of a decision to fly in a plane to a place where you've never been and shoot someone you've never known, based on the directions by some people who you don't know, who are making you march. | ||
| They're making you go... | ||
| They're making you do all this shit, preparing you for... | ||
| You have to listen to them unquestionably. | ||
| They gotta come home. | ||
| Imagine that with 50 year olds. | ||
| It's never gonna happen. | ||
| We're sleeping in the desert, no way. | ||
| We're gonna go, wait a minute, wait a minute, why are we shooting these guys? | ||
| Wait a minute, wait a minute, we're breaking down what door? | ||
| Who the fuck are you? | ||
| Who the fuck are you and where'd you go to school? | ||
| What's your degree in? | ||
| And you're gonna tell me about international politics? | ||
| Do you even know these fucking Sunnis? | ||
| What's the difference between a Sunni and a Shia, sir? | ||
| Tell me what the difference is. | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| Do you know why these people were at war with each other? | ||
| Do you know why they hate each other? | ||
| Do you know why they hate us? | ||
| Do you know this is Holy Land? | ||
| Do you know how long this has been Holy Land? | ||
| Do you know when they're... | ||
| If you had a group of 50 year old people... | ||
| Go there and out slug it? | ||
| Sit down, soldier, when I'm talking to you! | ||
| Oh, you're loud, so I have to listen? | ||
| Is that what's going on? | ||
| Oh, you don't have anything to say, so you're just going to allow it. | ||
| Are you going to get in my face and spit? | ||
| Is that going to make me intimidated? | ||
| And so I'll listen. | ||
| So I'll just go and kill some people that you say are bad. | ||
| If we did that, if we just had only 50-year-olds and above go to war, the whole fucking thing would change. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The whole thing. | ||
| It's just, it's easy to send fucking kids. | ||
| They don't know any better. | ||
| They'd say your cerebral cortex, your frontal lobe, they're saying, like, for young males especially, because of the fucking influx of testosterone. | ||
| They're just like dogs. | ||
| They're rowdier. | ||
| They're rowdier. | ||
| They're not making rational decisions. | ||
| Like when you're a 16-year-old kid, your balls are filled with testosterone. | ||
| It's a completely new experience. | ||
| By the time you've got to be 40 years old, you've had a lifetime of wanting to cum. | ||
| A lifetime of knowing what that is and knowing how to mitigate it. | ||
| When you're 17, 18, you don't know what the fuck is happening to your body. | ||
| You add into that masturbation guilt. | ||
| People who are actually avoiding masturbation, most of us don't, but there are some who do. | ||
| So they try it as little as possible. | ||
| Don't they still put the white gloves on the Marines? | ||
| When they get caught masturbating, they make them wear a white glove all around. | ||
| Wasn't that a thing with Marines? | ||
| I would wear white gloves on someone who's not masturbating. | ||
| That motherfucker's gonna blow. | ||
| White glove, white warning. | ||
| They should have one of those GoPros over your bunk, and if they don't see you beating off under the sheets, they can fucking ask you questions. | ||
| Duncan, you want to come in here and talk to us real quick? | ||
| You got anything on your mind? | ||
| Like maybe pussy? | ||
| Yeah, no shit, man. | ||
| Pussy or booties or something on your mind? | ||
| You're trying to keep boys assholes? | ||
| No, sir, I'm just thinking about killing right now. | ||
| Duncan, this is not the type of soldier we're looking for in this here army. | ||
| We want well-balanced individuals that make rational choices based on the evidence at hand, not based on lust, not based on a ball full of cum just waiting to fucking jizz all over some new part of the world to spread your fucking seed. | ||
| My gun is my cock, the bullets are my jizz, and the brains of the Mujahideen are my pussy friend. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| In the movie, they told him his best friend had died. | ||
| They go, Jim's dead, bro. | ||
| He said, bro. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Is it really this bad? | ||
| Bill died, bro. | ||
| You got to go see it, man. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And you want to get up and leave, but you're like, are you going to call me un-American if I just think the filmmaking of this is bad? | ||
| It's awful. | ||
| That's how manipulative it is. | ||
| Like, you want to walk out, but simultaneously, you feel like you're being, like... | ||
| You had to go 218 on this? | ||
| This is kind of... | ||
| You couldn't have done this in an hour, an hour 26? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's kind of embarrassing if this turns out that this guy really did make up all this shit. | ||
| Because there's another article I'm looking at right now about the criticism of the post-Katrina New Orleans story, like how it's all total horseshit, how they can prove it's horseshit because he wasn't even there at that time. | ||
| Yeah, it's like there's a lot of horseshit. | ||
| I mean, there's Facebook pages. | ||
| And in the movie, it's all he's just trying to downplay all of his legend, even though now it's like he's the one who was saying it. | ||
| They'll fry you for this if you're wrong. | ||
| Good luck with the shot. | ||
| I know I'm not in... | ||
| They'll fry you for it. | ||
| Yeah, they'll fry you. | ||
| They'll put you in leavenworth. | ||
| Why aren't you looking? | ||
| You're the spotter! | ||
| Look! | ||
| You helped him tell if it's an IUD or not! | ||
| Why are you just crouching behind a wall? | ||
| Just fucking up his shot! | ||
| I hope you needed extra pressure on this. | ||
| There's a Facebook page, I'm not endorsing this, I'm just letting you know, that's dedicated entirely to the subject, and it's Chris Kyle was a murderous liar. | ||
| Murderous. | ||
| It's a community on Facebook, and it's all a bunch of different posts saying that, you know, saying how much it was bullshit. | ||
| This is crazy, man. | ||
| Yeah, I guess people don't want to, it's really hard for people to digest the simple fact that war makes a lot of money for a small amount of people. | ||
| It's a profitable endeavor and if you want to make money in that industry then you've got to convince heroes Because that is a heroic instinct. | ||
| It's a really sweet impulse. | ||
| The idea that I will give my life to protect you. | ||
| To protect people I don't know. | ||
| That's one of the highest human aspirations. | ||
| It's like an incredible thing. | ||
| So you take those people who have this incredible aspiration to give their life to protect people and you lie to them Yeah. | ||
| Brainwash them and send them to a place to kill people based on this very incredible... | ||
| Noble thing. | ||
| Yeah, they made Pat Tillman leave the NFL and fucking give his life. | ||
| Noble thing. | ||
| And by the way, well, no, Pat Tillman did it on his own. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I'm saying, I put it in his mind, we need you to do this. | ||
| But Pat Tillman was a huge critic once he got over there. | ||
| You know, he was killed by friendly fire. | ||
| And there's many people that have speculated they murdered him. | ||
| They murdered him because he wouldn't shut the fuck up about how disorganized everything was. | ||
| About what a dog and pony show and everything was fucked up. | ||
| The people that he had listened to were all assholes. | ||
| He was like, this is crazy. | ||
| Like, this is not what I signed up for. | ||
| This is not what I wanted. | ||
| There's total chaos, which led to this fucking crossfire situation. | ||
| Pat fucking Tillman! | ||
| Tell him to stop shooting! | ||
| And then they shot him. | ||
| They shot his whole troop up though, right? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, look, when you start shooting things, that's the other thing, they become targets. | ||
| Things become targets. | ||
| They don't comment on drone mistakes. | ||
| They don't comment on the times when it blows up a fucking wedding convention. | ||
| Which is most of the time. | ||
| There's more mistakes. | ||
| The innocents, and our policy is not to comment on that. | ||
| Like, wait, why is that an allowable policy? | ||
| Yeah, the percentage is terrifying. | ||
| If you look at the percentage of people that are actually killed by drones that are their intended targets, it's terrifying. | ||
| Well, they shouldn't be terrorists, but they're not. | ||
| There is surgical strikes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| It's not a scalpel on the end of a fishing pole. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the idea that surgical is retarded. | ||
| If we had drones going overhead, and then I found out who's responsible for it, Yemen, and I'm a little kid, and I'm like, this fucking Yemen drone that's over here killed my kid. | ||
| It's like, goddamn right I'm going to want to attack Yemen. | ||
| Stop fucking sending that shit over here! | ||
| You killed my father! | ||
| Yeah, well, not only that, but... | ||
| Why wouldn't they want to... | ||
| If you look at the... | ||
| We were talking earlier about what you were saying about these invading armies in Iraq and all the people that have PTSD and the birth defects. | ||
| You've got to go way back to the original Gulf War. | ||
| They were using fucking depleted uranium, and everybody forgets about this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Completely sweeps this under the rug. | ||
| It was proven. | ||
| They used depleted uranium shells that blew right through fucking tanks. | ||
| This incredibly dense nuclear waste that poisons everything around it for, what, 100,000 years? | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| And that was 25 years ago. | ||
| We're expecting those 15-year-olds, who are the 40-year-olds now, to go... | ||
| Oh, well, I don't care anymore. | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll just forget about that time you killed my entire family. | ||
| Oh, and you're right here? | ||
| Someone representing your government's right here? | ||
| Oh, totally cool. | ||
| But it's something that we're not supposed to talk about, just like the ideologies that we discussed earlier. | ||
| Just like religion. | ||
| It falls into a religion. | ||
| You gotta talk about it. | ||
| Nationalism falls into a religion. | ||
| If you don't all start talking about it, then you can't talk about it. | ||
| You gotta talk about it. | ||
| Well, it's also because, like, look, there are bad people. | ||
| You gotta all keep talking about it. | ||
| That's why it's all leaked, because everyone's like, I don't have a big deal, right? | ||
| Everyone talks about it, becomes normalized. | ||
| You gotta just talk about it at all times. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| With your friends, with whatever. | ||
| And it doesn't mean that you don't... | ||
| This is where people get confused. | ||
| It doesn't mean that there aren't heroes, and it doesn't mean you don't need a defense. | ||
| You don't need to be able to protect yourself from some fucking North Korean asshole if that guy decides to start taking over the world. | ||
| Like, what if they had massive resources? | ||
| We're lucky they're in a resource-starved environment. | ||
| So you have this communist dictator with nuclear weapons in a resource-starved environment where they have to shut the lights off at night because they can't afford to keep them on. | ||
| But if that guy had oil or gold or something crazy and like Saudi Arabia-type money, if like one of those guys became some sort of a fucking world-spreading villain, you need heroes. | ||
| You need real soldiers that are willing to fight against bad people. | ||
| That's what happened in World War II, right? | ||
| In World War II, when you had the Nazis and all that, I mean, I'm sure there's all sorts of complexities. | ||
| They used the justified war argument as proof to get us into sort of way less justified wars. | ||
| But they used the Nazis. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And what we were saying before about religion. | ||
| It's the best thing to happen to the U.S. Army. | ||
| They're like, look, now we can do anything if we just say we're doing the right thing. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's exactly the same thing we were saying about religion. | ||
| It's not that these people are bad people, and it's not that God is bad. | ||
| No one's saying that. | ||
| But what we're saying is, look what's being done in the name of this, and look how there's no thinking. | ||
| Whenever there's no thinking and horrific acts are being done, there's no thinking. | ||
| If you're ever in a situation where a fucking little kid has a rocket launcher, everybody should stop what they're doing, get the fuck out of there, and try to figure out, A, how did this happen, and B, how do you fix it? | ||
| And the way you don't fix it is by shooting kids. | ||
| That doesn't fix shit. | ||
| That's just like the mother, my baby! | ||
| You know what the Oklahoma PD is doing now? | ||
| Oklahoma PD is starting up like youth basketball leagues and they're coaching and stuff so that the youth grow up not going, fuck the police, but like, no, the police are cool. | ||
| They help us out and stuff. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| So it's like, look, we can't solve it right now, but 20 years from now, it'll be better than it is now. | ||
| Well, it's also what's happened in New York when they did the police slowdown where they just wouldn't arrest anybody. | ||
| Anything after those two kids got or those two Cops got shot by that one guy. | ||
| Yeah That one guy who by the way also shot his fucking ex-girlfriend like that was a piece of shit like to People to think he's a hero like Jesus Christ. | ||
| He shot his girlfriend first and then he went shot those cops. | ||
| He was a psychotic murderous person but because of that act and The cops backed up. | ||
| The cops finally stopped fucking with people? | ||
| They need to stay where they're at, right there. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Right where they are, right there. | ||
| After they get killed. | ||
| Why are you fighting against cameras? | ||
| I'm not saying that they should be scared all the time of being murdered, but I'm saying the attitude that they develop, like, okay, we're not going to arrest anybody for anything that's not important. | ||
| That's all you should have ever been doing. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right. | |
| You're not a fucking revenue collector. | ||
| It's illegal to sell cigarettes outside, so tell him to get lost. | ||
| Or don't do shit. | ||
| You'll shake him down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about that? | |
| How about you hire a fucking lawyer to go sue that guy, and then you find out he doesn't have any money, he's not going to pay you anyway. | ||
| There's your problem. | ||
| You've got a problem with tax collecting. | ||
| If that guy robs somebody, then you bring in the cops. | ||
| If he comes in and he breaks into your house and steals your TV, then you have the cops. | ||
| Choking a guy because he's not paying cigarette tax? | ||
| What the fuck are the cops? | ||
| Yeah, it's not like New York plunged into chaos because they stopped enforcing them. | ||
| How about write him a ticket? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know how much nicer the world would be if cops only acted in that slow-down manner? | ||
| But they don't act like that with a big black man. | ||
| There's a huge racism thing there. | ||
| I mean, it would be incredible. | ||
| Yeah, they don't act that way. | ||
| You've been there over the last few months. | ||
| You moved there like half the... | ||
| What is your experience like in the difference between racism out here as opposed to racism there? | ||
| Well, everyone's all joined in. | ||
| Here we're way more separated. | ||
| But it's like, I don't think we see shit. | ||
| Like, white people don't even see, like, they're constantly getting, like, you know what resisting arrest is? | ||
| Resisting arrest is after the first time somebody's like, hey, let me see your ID, and they grab you, and they push you. | ||
| The second time, the same shit happens, a cop pushes you. | ||
| The fourth time, they say, get out of your car, and they grab your arrest, and they go, come on, man, if you pull back, you've resisted arrest. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Enough, come on, I'm late for a movie! | |
| Let's just talk about this first! | ||
| You've resisted arrest. | ||
| Right, and it's up to their discretion whether or not they choose to arrest you or don't arrest you. | ||
| Some people get off on the exact same charge and they skate, whereas other people get arrested. | ||
| Like if you're a white guy with a suit and you do a certain thing. | ||
| The stop and frisk was based on stop and frisk people, Latinos and blacks, who look like they might have some shit. | ||
| Right, you didn't see it on Wall Street. | ||
| You didn't see them instigating stop and frisk on Wall Street. | ||
| So people on Wall Street weren't as outraged about it. | ||
| Stop and frisk for shit that shouldn't be illegal in the first place. | ||
| Right, so that's like an illegal search. | ||
| It's like saying we're going to just search you because we have no reason to search you. | ||
| Well, it could have been weapons, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but it's generally... | |
| They were looking for weapons. | ||
| They're looking for... | ||
| I mean, it's dope, man. | ||
| They want to get you for dope. | ||
| Oh, right, then they arrest you for dope. | ||
| We're looking for weapons. | ||
| Oh, weed, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now you go to jail. | |
| Oh, it's something that grows out of the earth. | ||
| It helps cancer. | ||
| And I'll be able to stop seizures. | ||
| Yeah, if I'm a cop and I don't like you, and I see something, even if I don't think it's wrong, if I'm a 23-year-old, I'm like, well, I'm going to put you in jail now. | ||
| I don't even think it's wrong. | ||
| Wall Street guy with a leather-bound briefcase. | ||
| It has your engravement of your initials and your family crest on it. | ||
| They pull you over. | ||
| They stop and frisk you. | ||
| Pop open the... | ||
| You see a bottle of heroin. | ||
| Heroin pills. | ||
| But on that bottle has your name on it. | ||
| Seems to match. | ||
| Here's your heroin bag. | ||
| You've registered. | ||
| You've registered. | ||
| You've paid your taxes. | ||
| It's absurd. | ||
| The king got his price up this. | ||
| From the doctor as well. | ||
| You know how I know that people would abuse their privileges based on stuff they don't even believe in? | ||
| We have a Comedians Basketball League, and we're all playing, and it's a direct league. | ||
| They call technicals on curses and stuff, and so if you hear somebody curse- Comedians? | ||
| Yeah, well, they don't know it's a Comedians League. | ||
| We just made our own Comedians League. | ||
| But if we hear somebody cursing, some other comedian, if I hear fucking Jeff Dye curse, I go, oh, he cursed! | ||
| He cursed! | ||
| And we all try to get a fucking cheap technical off shit that no comic believes cursing should be not allowed. | ||
| Right, but isn't that just for fun? | ||
| Like, you're only doing it for fun. | ||
| Yeah, but we want the fucking benefit. | ||
| We're going to abuse our power that we don't believe in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha! | |
| Of course, if you're 23, somebody goes, fuck you, cop. | ||
| Like, well, I'll look at anything I can to put you in jail right now. | ||
| That would be like if we were playing pool, and I go, oh, it's fucking shot. | ||
| Oh, give me ball in hand! | ||
| Exactly, because I cursed, and you'd actually ask for it. | ||
| No, no, no, dude, you gotta give me ball in hand. | ||
| Like, that would be such a... | ||
| You should be like, I decline that rule. | ||
| Douchey game! | ||
| You guys do that playing basketball? | ||
| You need to stop. | ||
| You need to get on mushrooms and think about that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Calling technicals on people for swearing. | ||
| I say, when they're technicals like that or not having your jersey, I'm like, we're comics. | ||
| Nobody remembers to wash their jersey. | ||
| And it's only comics playing against comics? | ||
| We made our own league. | ||
| So it's only you guys. | ||
| So you have to have done an open mic at least to get on that thing. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Except we have one team. | ||
| We call them the corporate sellouts, and that's all the agents and managers. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| You know what you should do? | ||
| You should recruit really fucking good players and just get them to do an open mic. | ||
| That's what Rick Glassman shit. | ||
| That's what he does. | ||
| And he gets them to do one open mic. | ||
| Like, no, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's all you'd have to do. | |
| The point is to play the game with comics. | ||
| We're all having fun. | ||
| Play the game with comics. | ||
| Well, we used to have a comics softball league back in Boston. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It would get so competitive. | ||
| It was so crazy. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Competitive. | ||
| People screaming at people over fucking fouls or where the ball was in, the ball was out. | ||
| It's like, oh my god. | ||
| I remember people in each other's face, throwing their gloves down, screaming at each other. | ||
| A comics baseball game. | ||
| But that's Boston, too. | ||
| Baby babies without their bottles. | ||
| I was back at Boston. | ||
| They fixed that club. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| The sound system is awesome. | ||
| You don't have to worry about it anymore. | ||
| Because everybody had that rumor that was out that the sound system sucked. | ||
| It's loud as fuck. | ||
| It did feed back once when I got on top of the actual speaker. | ||
| That wasn't what I was talking about. | ||
| But that happens almost everywhere. | ||
| Unless it's perfect. | ||
| That's one thing the improv does. | ||
| There's never a fuck up. | ||
| If you're working in improv, the sound system's always perfect, the seating is always perfect, there's never sightline issues. | ||
| They don't ever fuck around. | ||
| You know some clubs that you work out, they're kind of funky? | ||
| It's like those stadiums where you can't even see fly balls. | ||
| Yeah, but clubs are worse because there's often pillars in the room. | ||
| And if you're behind that pillar and you go to the right side, the people that are behind that pillar literally can't even see you. | ||
| They're there, but they have to watch monitors in a club. | ||
| The improv has that nailed. | ||
| They always say, no, you've got to set this up like that. | ||
| All of them are like, nope, set it up like that. | ||
| This way. | ||
| It's got Todd Glass level approval. | ||
| Todd Glass. | ||
| That's Helium. | ||
| Helium, he helped them design. | ||
| Oh, he did? | ||
| Yeah, Helium in Philly. | ||
| Listen, I gotta go. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here! | ||
| Can I say something real quick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| I'm gonna be doing a live Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast on the 25th, which is this Sunday, in Dallas, Texas. | ||
| And ticket links are at my website. | ||
| Good lord, Duncan Trussell. | ||
| A live Duncan Trussell Family Hour in Dallas. | ||
| With Johnny Pendleton. | ||
| With Johnny Pepperton! | ||
| Please tell me I can go! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please! | |
| Is it this weekend? | ||
| It's this weekend, this Sunday. | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| I'm going to be in Sweden. | ||
| That's in Dallas, and then I'm doing Austin and the Come and Take It Comedy Festival, which is in Houston, too. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| The what? | ||
| The Come and Take It Comedy Takeover Festival. | ||
| It's on my website. | ||
| If you're in Texas, come out and see a podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yee-haw! | |
| And Comedy Central, This Is Not Happening premieres. | ||
| This Thursday. | ||
| Every Thursday at 12.30 after midnight for eight straight weeks. | ||
| Boom, son. | ||
| Eight different openings. | ||
| The director's crazy. | ||
| Boom, son. | ||
| And on top of that, the other videos are available all on YouTube. | ||
| Go to This Is Not Happening on YouTube. | ||
| Just enter that. | ||
| They should all be coming up. | ||
| Good googly moogly, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Dawkins will be out tomorrow. | ||
| My new one's out today. | ||
| Alright, I'm gone all week. | ||
| No more podcasts. | ||
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
| Thanks, everybody. | ||
| See you soon. | ||
| Oh, June, January 30th. | ||
| I'm at the Mirage in Las Vegas. | ||
| Again, back at the Mirage. | ||
| With Tony Hinchcliffe and Ian Edwards. | ||
| So we'll see you then. | ||
| Alright, much love. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. |
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