Jan. 13, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:46:07
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| This is our whole new setup. | ||
| We're in HD now. | ||
| You're going to look beautiful. | ||
| I need not HD. I need like cheesecloth. | ||
| I need Vaseline. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan. | |
| Experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan podcast by night. | |
| All day. | ||
| We're all in HD. We got multicolored. | ||
| Look at the colors. | ||
| Different colors for the buttons now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| That's huge. | ||
| When you get lit up colors, that's what I thought the future was going to look like when there was computers in like 2015. I thought it would be like the inside of like a spaceship. | ||
| Because that was Star Trek. | ||
| Yeah, like multicolored. | ||
| That's Hal. | ||
| Like all of our buttons are the same color. | ||
| That is Hal, right? | ||
| That's the TriCaster. | ||
| So we're in HD now. | ||
| You're beautiful, baby. | ||
| You're beautiful. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| You're beautiful. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| I need hair. | ||
| Where's my hair and makeup? | ||
| What's going on, man? | ||
| You fucking savage world traveler. | ||
| You're the most savage world traveler I know. | ||
| You're the dude, I'll get a text message from you when you're in fucking Bulgaria or some shit. | ||
| You're in North Korea on some wacky cell system that the communists use. | ||
| You're all over the world. | ||
| I didn't text you from North Korea because they won't let me, but yeah, I was just in Antarctica in the South Pole. | ||
| That's hard to get to. | ||
| Very hard to get to. | ||
| Your special was one of the first things that I ever saw on North Korea that made me really start to investigate it. | ||
| I knew that there was a lot of human rights violations and this horrible things that they're doing to people in prisons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want you going to those fake restaurants and having these people take you around and trying to present you with this image of what North Korea is like. | ||
| Like, oh, it's just like everyone else. | ||
| Come here. | ||
| And you were like really, you know, talking about it pretty openly on camera while you were there. | ||
| That made me really, like, start to look into it. | ||
| And this is before all this shit has gone down with the interview, of course, and before people really... | ||
| I think, like, after his dad died, that's when people really got a sense of, like, well, this is not going to end here. | ||
| Like, this crazy communist... | ||
| This is, like, the last real crazy communist dictator. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the old school sort of utopian communist, you know, cult of personality. | ||
| They're God. | ||
| They're, you know, the president. | ||
| They're, you know, George Washington. | ||
| They're everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And yeah, it's still going on, which is crazy. | ||
| In fact, they picked Kim Jong-un because he looked like his grandfather, Kim Il-sung. | ||
| And so the people were like, oh, you know, they're the same guy kind of thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| I mean, I'm one of those people that I'll get something in my head, and then that will be stuck in my head for weeks and weeks and weeks. | ||
| For a long time was the Mongols, and people were like, dude, will you just shut the fuck up about the Mongols? | ||
| Did you see that movie Mongol? | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| So good. | ||
| Pretty good. | ||
| You know what's really good, man? | ||
| Marco Polo on Netflix. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| Yeah, it deals with Kublai Khan, who's like the descendant, the grandson of Genghis Khan. | ||
| Genghis. | ||
| Yeah, I always said Genghis. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| But then I got into North Korea after your show. | ||
| After watching you in that restaurant going like, what a weird charade this is. | ||
| The government's putting on a charade for journalists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And also I was thinking, like, they fucking... | ||
| They kidnapped people. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Like, you going there and doing that was pretty dangerous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's another film. | ||
| We interviewed the woman, actually. | ||
| I think they just sold the rights when they're making the film. | ||
| It's a crazy story of... | ||
| There was, like, basically the Orson Welles of South Korea. | ||
| So after the war, they had this crazy film scene going on in South Korea. | ||
| And there was, like, the Orson Welles and, like, the hottest star, the Marilyn Monroe, basically, right? | ||
| And their husband and wife. | ||
| And they end up getting into a fight. | ||
| And the wife goes to Japan. | ||
| She's crying. | ||
| She's pissed off. | ||
| She goes to Tokyo. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Disappears. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And no one can find her. | ||
| What the fuck's going on? | ||
| So he goes to Tokyo. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| He disappears. | ||
| Now, it turns out they were kidnapped by the North Koreans, right? | ||
| By Kim Il-sung. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so they had made this film studio, which I actually went to. | ||
| It's a complete replica of 20th Century Fox back in the 50s. | ||
| And they make all these anti-American films. | ||
| Anyway, it turned out that the woman who he kidnapped, he turned into sort of a sex slave. | ||
| And the star of all these North Korean propaganda movies, because he used to make a ton of movies. | ||
| They get the husband and say, now you're going to direct her in these movies, right? | ||
| They kidnapped him in Tokyo. | ||
| And he said, fuck you, I'm not going to do that. | ||
| So they had put him in a concentration camp, which a Korean concentration camp may be the worst place in the world. | ||
| So he's eating grass and he's being tortured. | ||
| Five years, right? | ||
| Five fucking years he's in this concentration camp. | ||
| Finally, he says, okay, I'll do it. | ||
| I'll direct the films. | ||
| So they let him out. | ||
| And he goes to Kim Jong-il's palace. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, there's his wife. | ||
| And his wife all of a sudden realizes, holy shit, he's A, alive. | ||
| B, he came to get me. | ||
| C, he's been in the concentration camp. | ||
| And he realizes, oh, she's been eating shrimp pate all day, fucking Kim Jong-il, while I'm in the concentration camp. | ||
| In any case, they get together and make like seven movies, big movies for North Korea. | ||
| And in fact, one of them called Escape... | ||
| No joke. | ||
| Called Escape. | ||
| Wins a Moscow-like Oscar, like a Soviet Oscar at the time. | ||
| As a reward, they get to go to Vienna, which was their dream because it's where the third man was filmed. | ||
| He then, and she, and their tour of Vienna, they're allowed to tour Vienna, they defect. | ||
| And they get out, and finally they escape. | ||
| And then they told the story, and now they're making a movie about it. | ||
| So they're probably going to shut that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoever puts that out is going to get shut down too. | |
| What the fuck? | ||
| That is the craziest story ever. | ||
| Yeah, true story, yeah. | ||
| That a guy can still live like that. | ||
| I mean, that's basically the same as people lived 5,000 years ago. | ||
| I mean, that kind of shit. | ||
| Kidnapping people, forcing the wife to be a sex slave, forcing the husband into a concentration camp, torturing him, starving him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's completely insane. | ||
| Whenever you start dealing with North Korea in any level about anything, it's crazy as fuck. | ||
| It's just amazing that it's still around like that. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| It's just such an archaic idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it really doesn't fit in what we think of as 2015, the modern world. | ||
| Although it wasn't that long ago, you know, that you had Stalinist Russia, you had Maoist China, you had Hitler's Germany... | ||
| Where people just went, yep, that's the dude. | ||
| He's the one who tells us how to do everything, you know. | ||
| I think it's really disturbing because it's happening now. | ||
| And even though like 40 years ago or 50 years ago isn't really that long ago, now feels like that could be us. | ||
| But I think if you look at what's happening in Russia, it's not so far away because obviously the thing about North Korea, which is weird, is it's like going back to 1938. It's like going back in time. | ||
| But the thing about Russia, if you go to Russia now, they're like, there is no economic crisis. | ||
| America did this to us. | ||
| The oil is falling because America did this to us. | ||
| It's total Cold War rhetoric and Putin is... | ||
| You know, the new czar. | ||
| He's taken over all power, and he runs the press, and he runs everything. | ||
| And it's definitely not going forward in Russia. | ||
| It's going backwards. | ||
| Yeah, he's a weird case, isn't he? | ||
| I mean, it's just so blatant that this guy is a dictator. | ||
| When you see what happens when there's any sort of dispute over there, and even with these oligarchs, they take them, they put them in jail, and they take their businesses. | ||
| And he's done this more than once, right? | ||
| He did it to a guy recently, and he only wound up taking one of his oil businesses. | ||
| Yeah, and he's done it famously with Gazprom and Rosneft, where one guy became the richest dude in the world and three other guys got either assassinated or went to jail. | ||
| So I think that when you look at it, it's a tough place to do business, Russia, unless you've got a key card to the Kremlin, you're not going to get anything done. | ||
| I mean, it's so blatant. | ||
| It's so blatant. | ||
| It's so strange that that can happen. | ||
| They just reactivated 28 Cold War bases this year. | ||
| So they were done. | ||
| Okay, Cold War is over. | ||
| Yeah, fuck, we're done. | ||
| Boom, 28 bases reactivated. | ||
| Like, uh, what? | ||
| Do you think that they feel like the only way to recharge the economy is being a full-blown conflict with the United States? | ||
| I think that it was a humiliation in Russia. | ||
| You know, we look at sort of Gorbachev and Yeltsin and go, oh, you know, they finally came to their senses and joined the world and whatever. | ||
| You know, Yeltsin drank a bit too much or whatever. | ||
| But that's seen as a huge humiliation. | ||
| We were, if not number one, we were number two for a long time. | ||
| And then we went to B and also ran. | ||
| And there was a lot of resentment there. | ||
| B, then, as oil came on the ascendancy, they're like, okay, we're going to throw our weight around. | ||
| So they were subsidizing oil. | ||
| For example, Cuba was subsidized oil. | ||
| One of the reasons why they're like, oh, let's be friends again, is there's no more oil subsidies, and it's the same thing in the region. | ||
| And then I think what happened is Putin came along and said, Russia's the best again, and we're going to fuck with people, and we're going to take back our land that they took from us, and we're going to take back this, and our military's the best, and we're going to put more money in the military, and we're going to reactivate these bases. | ||
| And people went, yeah, good, why not? | ||
| By the way, you've got to remember, too, that they grew up... | ||
| Where we were the boogeyman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So it's not too, like, you know, all the old people, like if you look at the Fox News people, they're like, yeah, fucking Russia, they're all commies. | ||
| Well, all the people in Russia are going, I know the Americans, they eat the babies, you know, and so it's not that much of a stretch. | ||
| Well, and if you look at, like, the way we behave abroad, I mean, the fact that we have multiple wars going on, that we have drone attacks. | ||
| On their border. | ||
| We look scary as fuck to someone outside of us. | ||
| Remember that Sting song, The Russians Love Their Children Too? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was a great song. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I remember listening to that song and thinking, was it Sting or The Police? | ||
| Might have been... | ||
| I think it was Sting. | ||
| It sounds like Sting, but it was the era of the police. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| We thought of them as that it was going to kill everybody. | ||
| There was going to be a nuclear war, the Russians were going to kill everybody. | ||
| It hovered over our head all the time. | ||
| Well, you and I grew up at the end of the Cold War when it was still full on. | ||
| Yeah, it's terrifying. | ||
| You ever watch war games? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that was just a given. | ||
| Yeah, of course we're going to destroy each other. | ||
| It's just a matter of time. | ||
| And then when you get to school and you find out about the Cuban Missile Crisis, you go, wait, wait, how close was that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Oh, fuck, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, they were going to, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We were going to go to nuclear war with fucking Cuba? | ||
| For what? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| The idea that that almost happened or could have happened. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Or got even, like, step one in a three-step process of happening. | ||
| Yeah, it's completely insane and we had this small interim of sanity where we all went, hey, those guys were crazy. | ||
| It's a good thing we're not like that anymore. | ||
| And now we're going, yeah, we still have all those warheads pointed at them. | ||
| They still have all those warheads pointed at us. | ||
| And you're like, well, why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| It really is amazing. | ||
| If you think about how long people have been alive for, it really is amazing that we've only dropped two nuclear bombs since 1947. I mean, just those two, and that was it. | ||
| Well, they're bad, so they scared the shit out of us. | ||
| They're so bad, but... | ||
| Everything else, we keep doing. | ||
| Everything else that's fucked up, we keep doing. | ||
| But that was the one thing that we ever did that was so brutal. | ||
| There was no way of morally rationalizing it. | ||
| Well, even us at our craziest and even the Russians at their craziest. | ||
| You know, we never did it. | ||
| But the problem is, is we were rational actors. | ||
| We were like, even if we hated each other, and even if there was propaganda, we're still rational actors. | ||
| The problem, the worry is, you have irrational actors, like Pakistan has over 100 warheads. | ||
| And they're rapidly becoming an irrational actor because they're losing control over their country to the Taliban, whose agenda is clearly stated that they want to fuck us up. | ||
| So, I mean, that's where it gets terrifying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the new year, Joe. | ||
| We shouldn't get straight into... | ||
| The vector for warhead number 6179 is Carmel, California. | ||
| I have these conversations with you more than anybody I know. | ||
| You're the one who actually goes to these fucking places. | ||
| You actually go to all these creepy, scary spots and come back with news. | ||
| But, you know, I used to be afraid of why, you know, I go to all these war zones and I still am, but, you know, war is bad. | ||
| Everyone always says, well, we go to war and they picture sort of manly G.I. Joe type shooting each other and it generally doesn't look like that. | ||
| It's lots of collateral damage and women and children being fucking blown to shit and then guys go in there and get PTSD and get their ass shot off. | ||
| But, you know, the thing is, one of the things that I recently came back from that fucked me up, like really, I mean, to the point where I'm having kind of an existential crisis going, well, what's it all mean? | ||
| Is I went to the South Pole because we did this piece on Greenland melting, which won us the Emmy last year. | ||
| We got a lot of, whatever, discussion around it on both sides of the debate, although why it's a fucking debate, I don't know. | ||
| But anyway, the Arctic is melting. | ||
| One of the things that's happening, the reason why the Cold War is heating up again is under the Arctic ice, there's tons of oil and gas. | ||
| And Russia didn't have any other money besides oil and gas. | ||
| So Russia literally went, put the flag in the Arctic circle. | ||
| We talked to the guy who did it and said, well, we own all this now. | ||
| We're taking all the oil and gas. | ||
| Of course, every country that borders them is a NATO country. | ||
| And if you attack one, you attack them all. | ||
| So this is why the Cold War is heating up. | ||
| People are afraid. | ||
| Anywho... | ||
| So we go, the Arctic is melting, Greenland's melting. | ||
| Everyone now is like, yeah, yeah, okay, we'll give you that. | ||
| We'll give you Greenland's melting and the Arctic's melting. | ||
| But Antarctica is actually gaining in ice. | ||
| So, like, it's kind of evening itself out, which is crazy to begin with. | ||
| But we're like, okay, instead of saying... | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| We're going to say, okay, fuck it. | ||
| We'll go. | ||
| We'll go down and we'll see what the fuck it is. | ||
| So we go down with NASA. We go down with, you know, the top scientists in the world from, I mean, from, well, from about 20 different countries, but the top guy is a French guy. | ||
| And we go to the South Pole and we're like, so, you know, Arctic is melting and Greenland's melting, but Antarctica is not. | ||
| Like, we have ice gain. | ||
| And they're like, You're fucking stupid. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| And because what was happening was there's sea ice, right? | ||
| Which is like if it's like a lake. | ||
| You know, it freezes and then it melts. | ||
| It freezes and then it melts. | ||
| And the lake doesn't go up or down because it's the same water. | ||
| It's like an ice cube that's already in the glass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It just melts and doesn't... | ||
| Land ice, the old ice, the shit that's melting, is like putting new ice in the glass, right? | ||
| So it overflows. | ||
| That's sea level rise. | ||
| So they're like, yeah, there's sea ice gain on this side, and on this side, the sea ice is the shit that doesn't matter. | ||
| And on this side, land ice is fucking melting as fast as it can go. | ||
| Land ice is a scary shit. | ||
| Land ice is adding the new water in. | ||
| So that's sea level rise. | ||
| That's glaciers. | ||
| Glaciers, exactly. | ||
| So I go down there and I go with all these different scientists. | ||
| I go on planes with lasers and radar to fucking measure everything. | ||
| And all these dudes and scientists are like, oh, fuck yeah. | ||
| Like bored. | ||
| Like, yeah, it's a given. | ||
| It's melting. | ||
| It's going to melt. | ||
| We're done. | ||
| It's going to fucking melt. | ||
| And we're like, well, why don't we know about that? | ||
| They're like, well, we do. | ||
| I mean, we publish the reports. | ||
| We publish the data. | ||
| NASA published the data. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| We publish the data. | ||
| And you're like, um, I'm a guy who does this for a living, and I don't know this shit. | ||
| Like, why the fuck? | ||
| So, you know, we got the top scientists, and we went through the thing, whatever. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, oh, fuck, yeah, it's gonna be, you know, three meters, four meters. | ||
| And at that point, you're like, well, that remaps the world. | ||
| Shouldn't we be making a bigger fucking deal about this? | ||
| Because... | ||
| You know, and I always get a shit for shit talking about. | ||
| I'm not, you know me, I'm not a tree hugger. | ||
| I'm a fucking beer drinking, football loving, steak eating guy. | ||
| But when I see shit like this, I go, uh, why the fuck aren't we freaking the fuck out? | ||
| Because all the wars in the world don't matter if we add, you know, three, four meters of sea level rock. | ||
| So don't get anything on the ocean in Malibu. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| Is that the hidden message here? | ||
| Don't try to be that dude. | ||
| If you do, sell it within five years. | ||
| Those dudes that live in those stilt houses, like how confident are you that the ocean's not going to take your place, man? | ||
| You get stilts into the sand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's anchored in cement. | ||
| Oh, that's going to stop the ocean. | ||
| The ocean, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| How much quicker is this happening? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's the weird thing, right? | ||
| We don't have to get into this because we're back into doom and gloom. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| But isn't water good? | ||
| The IPCC report... | ||
| Well, the one thing is, is we won't... | ||
| It looks like a lot of people won't die because they'll move, right? | ||
| We have legs and we can move, we can build new cities and shit. | ||
| The problem is, is, you know, we go to Antarctica and all these... | ||
| They're all scientists. | ||
| They're all old dudes. | ||
| And they're like, you know, very clinical. | ||
| Yes, well, we'll lose three meters and then mean this and this and this. | ||
| And then you go to Bangladesh, which is sort of at sea level. | ||
| And they're just, you know, I think last year alone there was like 20 million climate change migrants. | ||
| So then you go to the city and it's just, I mean, it's fucking, you know, it's just everything breaks down. | ||
| Nothing works. | ||
| There's 20 million people in the city that's built for 2 million people. | ||
| It's just crazy. | ||
| And you're like, when you see it, you go, oh... | ||
| Rich people or whatever will be able to move up the hill or Colorado or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| And everyone else is just like, well, you guys have to stay in the garbage heaps and see how you can do it. | ||
| And when you see it going forward, like I'm a positive guy. | ||
| I believe things genuinely have gotten better throughout history and quality of life has gotten better and health has gotten better and all this shit. | ||
| But you're basically saying, well, if there's going to be hundreds of millions of people forced to move because of this, then that's going to cause chaos. | ||
| Chaos generally isn't good for anyone who isn't a young 20-year-old dude with a club in his hand. | ||
| Yeah, and even him. | ||
| It's really not good for him. | ||
| It's good for him for a bit. | ||
| Tell somebody with a bigger club. | ||
| A bigger person who's better at hitting people with clubs. | ||
| What is the longest pipeline we have as far as oil? | ||
| I know one of the issues is that Keystone pipeline and they're trying to get oil all the way from Alaska, right? | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| My question being, why can't we do that with ice? | ||
| With all the water that's draining, just pump it into California needs water. | ||
| Just bring a pipeline of water down here and just spray that stupid Death Valley area. | ||
| That area is stupid. | ||
| Let's turn Death Valley into a forest. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You can, yes, you can do that. | ||
| That would be the shit. | ||
| But then it's the ice, it still gets in the sea tables too. | ||
| Just buy fucking real estate in Greenland because it's going to be like a lush tropical community. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what they're doing. | |
| People are actually, well, mining companies because you couldn't get to the land before. | ||
| Now that mining companies are buying it all up because the ice is melting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When was it named? | |
| Was it named Greenland ironically? | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
| It was named that because it was Iceland and Greenland and they switched the names because I believe it was Leif Erikson or Eric the Red. | ||
| Leif Erikson. | ||
| One of the Reds. | ||
| One of the Eriksons. | ||
| Anyway, he went there and he didn't want people because he wanted it to be his own. | ||
| So he named Iceland, Iceland and Greenland, Greenland to freak them out. | ||
| Okay, so they went to Greenland looking for... | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Everything's ice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Then Iceland's the sweet spot. | ||
| Yeah, Iceland's the sweet spot. | ||
| That is a good spot, too. | ||
| It is a fucking good spot. | ||
| I love the documentaries on Iceland. | ||
| You guys did one on the Iceland strongmen? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Those fucking dudes that just carry rocks around up there? | ||
| They're ridiculous people. | ||
| There's some crazy genetics going on out there. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I gotta move there. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| I'm just gonna move there. | ||
| Those guys are freaks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're big. | |
| They're big. | ||
| They're so big they're like freakish, like cartoon freakish. | ||
| But what's weird about it is that there's a ton of them. | ||
| It's not like one dude, one genetic anomaly could lift a fucking car above his head. | ||
| It's like there's 17 of them. | ||
| All the strongest dudes in the world are all from one fucking tiny little place. | ||
| They all have those crazy fucking names too that are really difficult to pronounce. | ||
| There's always a Magnus in there. | ||
| Like they're a groom from the labor. | ||
| Yeah, they're so mad. | ||
| But I guess they are. | ||
| I mean, it makes sense. | ||
| They're like the descendants of Vikings. | ||
| Oh, certainly. | ||
| They just lift shit all day. | ||
| Well, they're just manly as fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, if you're the descendants of... | ||
| Some of the greatest conquerors and the most barbaric conquerors ever. | ||
| That genetics doesn't just stop. | ||
| Those people keep fucking, even if they're not in jail. | ||
| Whoever lived or whoever was the product of sex with one of those men, if those women lived and their children lived, even if the Viking didn't live, you're talking about some insane genetics problem. | ||
| It's also not like L.A. or, you know, let's say Panama where you can pick the bananas off the trees. | ||
| Like, to live in Iceland, you've got to be tough as fuck. | ||
| You've got to go out on freezing cold water and, like, stab a cod with a spear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it's hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's cold. | |
| It's cold and forbidding. | ||
| You've got to learn how to drive on the ice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fun as hell, though. | ||
| I love Iceland. | ||
| It's a great place. | ||
| I love Greenland, actually. | ||
| I went there and was blown away by how beautiful it was. | ||
| Did you eat that shark dish that they have that's supposed to be disgusting? | ||
| That fermented shark? | ||
| No, it's fermented puffin, I believe. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I'm not into... | ||
| I'm not like... | ||
| My thing is to go to weird countries and shoot the newsy bits, not eat the shit, because I get the shits anyway, so if I'm eating fermented puffin, I'm not getting on that plane. | ||
| I feel like it's a shark dish. | ||
| Maybe it's pickled sharks. | ||
| I know they have fermented puffin, and it's the most disgusting fucking thing in the world. | ||
| But they eat it like crazy. | ||
| Because it comes from matjess, or whatever it's called, which is the fermented herring, which they had to make illegal in Sweden because it stank so bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| So they made it, like you can't make it in your house or shit anymore. | ||
| You can't make it. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's illegal. | ||
| But it's a Swedish national, because it stinks so bad. | ||
| And then instead of the fermented herring, they did the fermented puffin, which, I don't know. | ||
| Well, they might do that as well, but they do do a shark thing. | ||
| It's called... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hakari? | |
| Okay. | ||
| Hakarl? | ||
| I guess it's Hakarl? | ||
| Alright, whatever. | ||
| I don't know how they talk. | ||
| It's a very interesting pronunciation. | ||
| But it's a Greenland shark or other sleeper shark that's been cured with a particular fermentation process and hung to dry for four to five months. | ||
| Yeah, it turns black. | ||
| It turns black. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I've seen it hanging. | ||
| Oh my gosh! | ||
| Look up fermented puffin now. | ||
| Give me my five minutes. | ||
| Fermented puffin? | ||
| Fermented puffin. | ||
| And is a puffin the deadly one? | ||
| No, puffin is like a cute-looking bird, I think. | ||
| Oh, Icelandic dalg. | ||
| Yeah, apparently they ferment a lot of shit. | ||
| Yeah, they ferment a puffin. | ||
| They ferment a puffin. | ||
| Which is a bird. | ||
| Yeah, a cute little bird, and they ferment the fucker. | ||
| And it reeks so bad. | ||
| And then, you know, it's one of these things where you have to eat it or whatever. | ||
| And I used to go, I'll eat it, I don't care. | ||
| And then you're just like, yeah, I'm not going to eat the fermented puffin. | ||
| I think if you live in a place as scary as far as climate and as harsh as Iceland, you learn how to eat fucking everything. | ||
| Puffins, they just... | ||
| You know how they do it? | ||
| They call it skyfishing, apparently. | ||
| It says they're hunted by skyfishing, which involves catching low-flying birds with a big net. | ||
| So they're just like... | ||
| They have nets in the sky. | ||
| They scoop up all these birds. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| They scoop up birds from the sky as they're flying, ferment them until they're rotten, and then eat them. | ||
| This is so disgusting. | ||
| They bottle it and there's all sorts of different ways they cook it. | ||
| But it's smoked and cured sometimes. | ||
| But the fermented one is disgusting. | ||
| I'm not doing the fermented puffin. | ||
| The Greenland, the one, the basking shark is what I saw Bourdain eat. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it looked pretty foul. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We don't want to do that. | ||
| But that must be they develop a taste for it because you need that protein. | ||
| There's not a lot of options. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| I mean, I smell the fermented herring that the Swedes do and you're like... | ||
| Why? | ||
| It's like hardcore, hardcore ammonia. | ||
| And you're like, how... | ||
| Like, it's telling you not to eat it. | ||
| Like, why the fuck would you eat it? | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, what happens to a person's body? | ||
| Does that, like, do they get accustomed to it? | ||
| Is it like a... | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I mean, that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I mean, unless you're starving. | ||
| And Iceland gets supplies now. | ||
| Well, you know, you have a weird thing. | ||
| Like, kids, you know, you develop your taste when you're a kid. | ||
| Do you know what natto is? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's like fermented beans. | ||
| Very strong taste. | ||
| Everyone in Japan eats it for breakfast. | ||
| Natto. | ||
| Oh, delicious natto. | ||
| And it's like rotten, sticky beans. | ||
| But, you know, again, you go there and they love it. | ||
| And they eat it with a sort of strong mustard. | ||
| But you go to a lot of places. | ||
| I remember, you know, I was sick somewhere. | ||
| Anyway, it was somewhere. | ||
| Maybe it was Kathmandu. | ||
| Anyways, I was sick and they brought me the spiciest, like, craziest fucking chili, like, you know, vindaloo. | ||
| And I was like, I'm sick. | ||
| I want, like, a grilled cheese sandwich and ginger ale. | ||
| Like, you know, I want to... | ||
| And they brought me the spiciest, crazy chili shit. | ||
| And it's just, like, everybody has a different... | ||
| I don't know, a different comfort food or whatever when they're sick or whatever they believe they're going to eat or something. | ||
| Well, they say that fermentation is how people figured out how to make alcohol. | ||
| They figured out they got drunk from fermented things. | ||
| Is there a certain amount of intoxication you get from those fermented things? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I know alcohol, it was a way to transport water. | ||
| Wine was a way to transport water. | ||
| They're like, oh, because... | ||
| A lot of places they would go to, it was a big thing. | ||
| Anthrax was huge because the animals would go to, you know, and they fall in the water. | ||
| And then the whole pond or the whole water source becomes anthraxy. | ||
| That's where anthrax comes from. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So it just comes from like a decaying animal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so a lot of water was unsafe. | ||
| So like, oh, we need to figure out a way to carry water with us. | ||
| And they figured out a lot of ways, but wine was one of them. | ||
| Oh, we can carry this. | ||
| For, you know, years we can carry this. | ||
| And they didn't have corks. | ||
| They just put a bit of olive oil on top of it, which would seal it. | ||
| And I was like, that means that if you go logically, they were drinking a shit pile of wine because they were like, well, I'm not going to trust the water because I don't know that the animals haven't died in it. | ||
| So I'll just drink wine all day, every day. | ||
| So they lived off wine. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| Well, that explains like a lot of the crazy shit that people did back then. | ||
| Just drunken bands of marauders going from hillside to hillside. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's really crazy if you stop and think about it. | ||
| Like the people that were traveling and drinking wine exclusively for hydration and what the difference it must have been on the way they thought and behaved. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| That explains a lot of history. | ||
| It does. | ||
| It really does, right? | ||
| We're figuring it all out here. | ||
| Yeah, if we figured out two things. | ||
| We figured out we just got to get a pipeline from Greenland. | ||
| A pipeline from Antarctica or Greenland. | ||
| Pour that water into Palm Springs, the Palm Desert, all that area. | ||
| Just fucking make it a lush tropical forest. | ||
| We could do that. | ||
| All right. | ||
| How about a big pipe and like a sprinkler system over L.A.? It just rains once more. | ||
| L.A. needs water. | ||
| Imagine if that's what it came down to. | ||
| We have artificial high rail shower systems over cities. | ||
| It doesn't rain anymore in LA, so LA decided it needed a shower system. | ||
| It would cause a lot of news saying we're going to reuse the Keystone Pipeline not for oil but for glaciers so that we can actually have water. | ||
| That would be badass. | ||
| Nobody would oppose that. | ||
| Who would oppose moving water? | ||
| Well, if oil keeps going down and water keeps going up, it'll be economically feasible. | ||
| You'll make more money selling water than you owe. | ||
| It'll be a commodity. | ||
| Yeah, that's the projection, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're going to actually have an issue with fresh water within the next 50 to 60 years. | ||
| Oh, so we have an issue with it now. | ||
| Well, when you see those lakes in Texas, if you've been to Austin, they have Lake Travis and Lake Austin, and Lake Travis, they don't artificially feed. | ||
| Lake Austin looks badass, but Lake Travis is vanishing. | ||
| Yeah, all the, yeah, we did a piece on it. | ||
| All the houseboats and everything are sitting just on, like, not even dry land, like caked, like scorched land. | ||
| Yeah, and the docks are nowhere near the water anymore. | ||
| Yeah, no, no, yeah. | ||
| Like hundreds of yards. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Well, Texas has been in drought now for three years. | ||
| Three years. | ||
| As has California. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think theirs is worse. | ||
| Theirs is worse also. | ||
| They have a lot of agriculture there too, right? | ||
| They have a lot of farms. | ||
| The big thing is now the... | ||
| I believe the numbers are like staggering. | ||
| Like one-third of beef cattle are gone. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, like just... | ||
| Which... | ||
| In Texas is a huge number. | ||
| It's millions and millions. | ||
| We have a lot of agriculture in California, but do we have nearly as much as Texas has? | ||
| I think... | ||
| Who needs more water? | ||
| Well, I think there's more straight-up agriculture in California, but there's more livestock and shit in Texas. | ||
| You know there's as many tigers in Texas as there are in the wild? | ||
| That's tragic and weird. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, there's not that many left in the wild, and there's a lot of crazy people in Texas who want to buy one, so it doesn't surprise me. | ||
| Texas has a huge population of these wildlife parks. | ||
| They have wild game parks where you could go shoot a zebra. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With a compound bow, you can go hunt a zebra. | ||
| They have these crazy fucking parks where they have wild animals. | ||
| It's not just a few. | ||
| There's a lot of people who have private collections. | ||
| I've heard of that. | ||
| My favorite story is not actually in Texas, but in Colombia, where Escobar loved wild animals, so he bought hippos and elephants and tigers. | ||
| And then when it all went to shit, they just went into the jungle. | ||
| And they're just procreating and living there now. | ||
| And you're like, that's kind of cool, actually. | ||
| It's probably environmentally... | ||
| They're not supposed to have elephants in Colombia. | ||
| But having the animals sort of set free into the wild, I think, is good. | ||
| Yeah, well, there's a lot of people in this country... | ||
| That have private collections, where they have wild animals. | ||
| There was the guy that lived in Ohio. | ||
| He opened his gates, let all of his animals out, and then blew his brains out. | ||
| Yeah, and the cops showed up, and there's all these wild animals, including these dangerous ones, like lions and shit. | ||
| So these cops have to shoot these animals. | ||
| Like, they can't even save them because you can't let them go out into the wild. | ||
| I mean, it's not the wild. | ||
| It's goddamn cities, you know, suburban neighborhoods close by. | ||
| So they kind of just wind up shooting all of them. | ||
| This guy was fucking crazy. | ||
| But you can just do that. | ||
| You can have tigers in your yard. | ||
| Like, Mike Tyson had a tiger. | ||
| You can have a tiger. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| There needs to be a law on that. | ||
| That seems even more ridiculous than guns. | ||
| There's no more tigers left in the world, but Joe Blow down in Dallas can say, I'd like a tiger. | ||
| Send me one. | ||
| Listen, son, I got the healthiest tiger community in all of North America. | ||
| These here tigers? | ||
| These are direct from India. | ||
| I don't fuck with them Siberian tigers. | ||
| They're slower. | ||
| They're lazy. | ||
| They don't kill... | ||
| There's a ton of wild game parks in Texas. | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| They took a lot of animals that were almost extinct in Asia, and now they're thriving in Texas. | ||
| Yeah, species of deer. | ||
| There's many species of deer that they have that they take from other countries and they bring to America and they put them in these game parks, especially in Texas, and then they can hunt them anytime they want because they become like a commodity instead of it being like there's seasons for deer and there's seasons for elk and there's seasons for everything else, but these animals that are non-native, you can hunt them anytime you want. | ||
| So they bring them over there just specifically for that purpose, so they're thriving. | ||
| Because they're worth something. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Which is really kind of trippy. | ||
| You know, it's like, yeah, you want the animals to be thriving, but it's kind of weird that the only way they're thriving is if dudes can get out there and shoot them. | ||
| But, and this is, you know, not a tremendously popular sort of argument, but it actually makes a lot of sense. | ||
| It's like when we did this piece on rhino poaching, they kill the rhino just for the horn because they sell it in Vietnam as an aphrodisiac. | ||
| And the guy who is trying to save the rhinos is saying, you know, legalize it and we'll take the horns off because you can take the horns. | ||
| It's like, you know, it's made like... | ||
| It's hair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You take the horn off and we'll just sell it. | ||
| Therefore, they don't have to kill the rhinos for the horn. | ||
| It'll just be a market. | ||
| And everyone's, you know, freaking out saying, no, no, no. | ||
| But as long as dudes who are poor can make a ton of money for killing a thing to take the horn, they will. | ||
| Whereas if you just say, okay, well, you know, we'll give you the fucking horn and you can do whatever you want. | ||
| You have as many boners as you want, go nuts. | ||
| That's the only way to save them, is capitalism is killing them, so capitalism has to save them. | ||
| Initially, you go, well, that doesn't sound right. | ||
| But when you think about it, you're like, well, okay, yeah. | ||
| Then the problem is, well, somebody will be, like, someone will regulate it. | ||
| And, like, a company, you know, GM will make the money out of the illegal rhino horns, but they'll still be illegal rhino horns because the guys will get disenfranchised and they'll get screwed out of it somehow. | ||
| But in any way, the argument that you have to make it as economically viable to do the thing, because otherwise they'll just get killed out. | ||
| Imagine if rhino horns really did give you a hard-on. | ||
| Rhinos would have been extinct a long fucking time ago if it really worked. | ||
| But the other thing is, is like, you're like, rhino horns give you a hard-on and whatever. | ||
| You're like, just fucking buy the Angra and Cialis. | ||
| They don't have that education. | ||
| It's 99 cents. | ||
| It's a lot cheaper than rhino. | ||
| Because it's expensive. | ||
| It's like, you know... | ||
| 20 grand for a piece of Rhino and you're like, you get fucking a vat of Viagra for that. | ||
| You could bathe in Viagra. | ||
| That would be the rest of your life. | ||
| Supply, taking it all day, every day. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| 20 grand? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so hilarious. | |
| It's so expensive. | ||
| It's crazy expensive. | ||
| But it doesn't do anything. | ||
| It's just like eating someone's hair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's similar. | ||
| I'm going to grind up fingernails. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to grind up hair and fingernails. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's going to get me hard... | ||
| But seriously, like, just take fucking, you know, they bootleg Viagra for like a penny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| Well, they also put it in those boner pills that you buy at gas stations. | ||
| Like, those boner pills... | ||
| They put Viagra or they put Rhino Horn? | ||
| No, they put Viagra. | ||
| Those boner pills that sell for like $3.95 for like a little packet, you know? | ||
| I gotta go try them. | ||
| I don't know those ones. | ||
| Red Band takes them all the time, that fucking freak. | ||
| He's always buying them. | ||
| And I'm like, why won't you just buy real Viagra so you know what the fuck you're taking? | ||
| You're taking this crazy shit from this gas station. | ||
| You know, it's called Red Hot Super Dick. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yo, I got two packages of Red Hot Superdick. | ||
| What's in them? | ||
| I don't know, but this shit works. | ||
| Like, that's no better than eating rhino horn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's just stupid. | |
| Well, it's no better than eating garbage you find on the street. | ||
| But we did another piece on that that I found fascinating because I didn't know anything about it. | ||
| Was that, you know, you have, like, first of all, bath salts. | ||
| You know, people were, like, fucking and then eating each other. | ||
| And, like, fucking while they eat them. | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| How do they have bath salts? | ||
| And they're like, well, they're not fucking bath salts. | ||
| They call them bath salts, but you can buy them in the corner store. | ||
| And now they have, like, they're legal. | ||
| They have fake cannabinoids or they have fake whatever, other kinds of chemicals that get you high or whatever. | ||
| And what happened was in New Zealand, meth was such a huge problem. | ||
| That they went to the government and said, let's make a healthier version of math or speed. | ||
| But just with real chemicals and stuff. | ||
| And so they did. | ||
| They legally made, you know, drugs, pills, and the meth problem went down and, you know, they were a healthier version of drugs or whatever. | ||
| But they were, like, selling them next to, like, chocolate bars and shit. | ||
| So, you know, the moms and everybody went, well, this is not cool that you can buy meth next to the chocolate bars, quite rightly. | ||
| And so they banned them again. | ||
| But what happened was, online you can go and just change the molecule. | ||
| And before the DEA, you know, catch up, you just change it again. | ||
| And in China, they have these companies where you can just email them saying... | ||
| DE to the power of 7. They're like, right, I'll send you 10 kilos tomorrow. | ||
| So it comes in, they just mix it up, put it in a package with Scooby-Doo on the cover and say, there you go. | ||
| And you can sell them legally until you have to change the molecule again. | ||
| And there's like, you know, you smoke these things, you snort them, you do whatever. | ||
| And they're fucking so strong, like crazy strong. | ||
| And here's me, Mr. Hipster, going, I didn't even know that fucking existed. | ||
| You can walk into any corner store and buy these off the rack. | ||
| And just go outside into the back and go to Neptune. | ||
| They've made it illegal in a few different states, but the problem is they have to specify what exact chemical it is. | ||
| And they just alter a thing, and then there's a new wave. | ||
| And then they alter a thing, and then there's a... | ||
| And bath salts was a... | ||
| Somebody put the wrong molecule in there, and we decided that we were going to eat somebody's nose off as we were having sex. | ||
| And that was one of the side effects. | ||
| Might experience sexual addiction and cannibalism simultaneously. | ||
| My favorite drug reaction ever was there was a drug called Re-Equip. | ||
| And Re-Equip, they were given to people that suffer from Parkinson's syndrome. | ||
| And they gave it to this guy, I think it was in Dublin. | ||
| And it turned him into a gay sex and junkie, a gambling junkie. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The guy, all of a sudden, became gay, from this Parkinson's disease, started having risky gay sex with men, leaving ads to meet up places, meeting guys and having sex with them, had no idea who they were, and gambling. | ||
| Couldn't stop gambling. | ||
| He was just completely addicted to gambling all day long. | ||
| He just wanted to gamble. | ||
| And one in court, the American equivalent of somewhere around $600,000. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So this guy actually proved that it wasn't just him going, fuck it, I gotta get out of jail free card. | ||
| I'm going for the full bull goose loonie. | ||
| That's what it seems like, right? | ||
| I've always wanted just fucking random gay sex. | ||
| Oh, I'm taking a weird pill. | ||
| Get out of jail free. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| I'm gonna let my freak flag fly. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder, like, how much you have to prove in order to win a case like that. | ||
| Because it was against GlaxoSmithKline. | ||
| Yeah, you've got to think he had a pretty good case because they would shut him down. | ||
| Yeah, it has to be locked down tight. | ||
| He won 600 grams. | ||
| You could never have, like, ever played cards or looked at a dick before. | ||
| And then all of a sudden it was just like... | ||
| Boom. | ||
| He was living in a different country, though. | ||
| They might have different standards as far as, like, what they think, you know, pharmaceutical drug companies are responsible for. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, it's Ireland, so there's... | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Ireland. | ||
| Well, hit him for a few, Bob. | ||
| Yeah, what a crazy story, though. | ||
| You remember, imagine being a normal guy, and all of a sudden, you just can't stop fucking playing cards at gay orgies. | ||
| Just like it's just all day, your life is consumed with dick and dice and just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Come on, seven! | ||
| Give me that dick! | ||
| Just a constant chaos of... | ||
| You should be in sales. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dicks and cars. | |
| I'm like, that just sounds like a good time. | ||
| Re-equipped gay sex trial. | ||
| We'll find out where the fuck this was. | ||
| Yeah, the guy was addicted. | ||
| It's on ABC News, man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, a Parkinson medication made him addicted to gambling and gay sex. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Oh my God, it's hilarious. | ||
| He was from France, so the whole story is now suspect. | ||
| I'm so sorry I brought this up to you folks. | ||
| For sure that guy was just making it up. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucked up what's happening in France right now. | ||
| Yeah, that's a segue and a half. | ||
| Well, we went from funny to not funny. | ||
| You know what's really not funny? | ||
| I've actually seen people that are taking this very interesting stance on this story. | ||
| The whole story, if you don't know what it is, how do you say the name of the paper? | ||
| Charlie Hebdo. | ||
| They made these satire cartoons about Muhammad and about Islam. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they were murdered. | ||
| Ten people and two police officers, twelve people were murdered by these Islamic hit people. | ||
| And there's been all these protests in France and all these marches and everybody's freaking out worldwide. | ||
| But I've seen some people take the stance that those cartoons were offensive and they were punching down. | ||
| That was satire. | ||
| They were punching down and that those cartoons were racist and that, you know, don't they understand that it's offensive? | ||
| I read this, a tweet, actually. | ||
| Don't they understand that it's offensive not just to Muslims but to one quarter of the people on the planet? | ||
| That was what they wrote. | ||
| As if that, in any way, when do we put our foot down and say, I know you're a tolerant person, whoever's saying this, you're trying to preach tolerance. | ||
| You're talking about tolerance for something that kills people that draw cartoons. | ||
| Look, Charlie Hebdo and cartoons and humor in general is meant to be a mirror onto ourselves and we take ourselves so seriously and When you start, I believe if you start any type of censorship, you're fucked. | ||
| Because when, you know, somebody won't like something and then the other person won't like the thing that you like. | ||
| And once you start down that path, And you say, well, you know, Joe, I hate that you like Palestine. | ||
| Well, Shane, I hate that you like Israel. | ||
| Whatever it is, someone's always going to have. | ||
| And the minute someone gets that, then censorship starts. | ||
| And the minute censorship starts, it never stops, first of all. | ||
| Censorship by fear, and we were just, you know, we started the whole conversation about this. | ||
| Censorship by fear was Nazi Germany. | ||
| Censorship by fear was Stalinist Russia. | ||
| Censorship by fear was Maoist China. | ||
| And if you wrote or thought or said anything against the state, you got killed. | ||
| And now what we're saying is if you do or say or do anything against a perceived thing about a religion... | ||
| Then they're going to come get you, right? | ||
| And people are like terrified, oh my god, we're not going to show the cartoons, we're not going to show, we're not going to... | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| There's that many terrorists out there, they're going to kill everybody who retweets a fucking cartoon. | ||
| And that's the insidiousness of terrorism. | ||
| Because then you're like, if you make fun of anything, if you make fun of any political leader or political group or terrorist group or anyone with a gun, they can come out and shoot you. | ||
| And I think that's the whole thing of like, no, they're allowed to fucking say, guess what? | ||
| You're allowed to say whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| And then I'm allowed to say whatever the fuck I want against you. | ||
| But the minute you say you're not allowed to say what you want and if you do, I'll shoot you, then you can fuck off. | ||
| And that's what World War II was fought over. | ||
| That's what World War I was fought over. | ||
| And if we don't say there can be no censorship, then we should have just given up and said, yeah, fuck, we'll just write whatever Hitler wants us to write, because that's what censorship is. | ||
| I was just shocked at how many people who call themselves progressives were taking the stance that the jokes actually were inflammatory. | ||
| But they had the same fucking jokes about everybody. | ||
| They were an equal opportunity asshole. | ||
| They fucking went after everybody. | ||
| And that was their job. | ||
| That's their thing. | ||
| It's satire. | ||
| It's making fun of shit. | ||
| A roast for the world. | ||
| A roast for the world. | ||
| But they roasted everybody. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so the fact is now you're allowed to roast everyone except for these guys because these guys will shoot you. | ||
| Well, it's not just that. | ||
| What's freaking me out is not just that people are willing to shoot you over a cartoon. | ||
| That's been freaking me out for a long time. | ||
| But that somehow or another people that call themselves progressive will stand up and say, well, you know, I looked at what these people were doing. | ||
| What they were doing was really offensive. | ||
| Like, that's fucking crazy talk. | ||
| But you know the reason why that's happening. | ||
| Why is it? | ||
| Because... | ||
| What's happening now is we're reaching a critical mass, right? | ||
| You're reaching a point where, which by the way, if you look at terrorism, it's been incredibly successful because you're reaching a critical mass where people are saying... | ||
| Now it will be like this, you know, for example, the fight, the reaction was always, well, Islam is a religion of peace. | ||
| Now that's become a joke because everyone's like, well, it's a fucking religion of peace. | ||
| Why does this continue happening, right? | ||
| And so progressives or whatever are trying to say, hey, well, maybe... | ||
| Because they realize that the logical conclusion of this... | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's going to be... | ||
| It's going to be bad. | ||
| It's going to be okay. | ||
| There is going to be an effective... | ||
| As this polarizes, Islamic fundamentalism gets bigger. | ||
| And then our reaction to that fundamentalism gets worse. | ||
| Because look, I believe I'm a progressive guy. | ||
| I don't know what that means, but I'm non-political on either side. | ||
| And I believe I look at things critically. | ||
| But at a certain point, you're like, well, this is getting bad now, and public opinion is getting heated. | ||
| And the end result of that is going to be you're going to have heated public opinion on one side, a bunch of guys with a bunch of guns on the other, and it's not going to end well. | ||
| So people, it's a type of appeasement, right? | ||
| It's a type of, well, I looked at it, it's not so bad. | ||
| Well, it is bad. | ||
| But that type of appeasement by progressives, by really liberal people, which the same type of people that will shit on Christians but use the term Islamophobic for any criticism of any jokes, in fact, any jokes, in fact, about Islam or Muslims can be seen as Islamophobic by the same type of people that would have no problem shitting on Christians. | ||
| It's this weird thing. | ||
| It's because this is what becomes a target. | ||
| It's appeasement. | ||
| And quite frankly, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. | ||
| Everybody should be game, and that's what freedom is all about. | ||
| But who's it at appeasement to? | ||
| It's this weird social brownie point thing that they're doing, where they're looking at it as an opportunity to criticize racism or criticize punching down with humor, you know? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I mean, I... Sorry. | ||
| I'm getting a drink. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| No worries, man. | ||
| I think, you know, for me, I think it's we're afraid of the outcome because if we keep going on this trajectory, the outcome is going to be problematic. | ||
| I think you have a point there for sure. | ||
| But I also think one of the things that's going on is there's a bunch of people in this culture that have this bizarrely utopian version of what they would like us to be. | ||
| Like the way we should react to anything. | ||
| People that think that they're a fox. | ||
| Someone that decides to... | ||
| Have whatever, any strange idea they may have in their head. | ||
| We're supposed to be as even-keeled with them as possible. | ||
| Well, I don't want to get started on politics in this country. | ||
| It's not even politics. | ||
| I think politics in this country is fucked. | ||
| I think it's more a psychology issue. | ||
| I think it's fucked and it's getting worse. | ||
| And we could go on until the cows come home about politics in this country. | ||
| What... | ||
| One thing I would like, if you want, it would be long-winded and boring for most people, but I read a book, if anyone wants to read maybe the most fascinating book ever written about the situation that we're dealing with right now with the rest of the world and Islam, is called The Siege of Mecca. | ||
| And it's a true story. | ||
| It's a journalist who wrote it about in 1979, which was the difference, I believe the year 1400 in the Islamic calendar. | ||
| There was a siege of Mecca and a bunch of dudes who were Wahhabists took over Mecca during Hajj and the royal government, the royal family couldn't go get them because it's illegal to fight in Mecca. | ||
| And so there was a standoff, and they were fighting, people shooting each other, and snipers. | ||
| It's like an action movie. | ||
| The French Secret Service gave them drugs to drug them. | ||
| And at the time, it was the same time that was happening the hostage crisis in Tehran. | ||
| So the Ayatollahs, the smart dude, goes, yeah, the Americans, the CIA, have taken over Mecca, which, of course, is, like, the worst thing you could possibly fucking do. | ||
| So there's this whole uproar. | ||
| They burnt the... | ||
| Embassy in Pakistan, they do all these things because everyone's like, fuck the CIA, they've taken over Mecca, you know? | ||
| And what ended up happening, it's a long story, but an incredible action movie is an incredible story. | ||
| But what happened was the royal family had to go to the clerics and say, you've got to give us a fatwa that we can go into Mecca and fight because you're literally not allowed to bring a gun and a sword and that thing. | ||
| And so you have to give us a special fatwa to go get these terrorists. | ||
| And they're like, well, we kind of believe in what they're saying because the terrorists were actually just Wahhabists saying we need to be more Wahhabists, which is fundamental Islam. | ||
| So they said, we'll give you the fatwa if you then basically give us money to do what they're asking for, to be Wahhabists. | ||
| So anyways, it happens. | ||
| They go and they kill the guys. | ||
| A guy named Juhayman. | ||
| But then what happens is, from then on, billions and billions of petrodollars, which we pay the Saudi government, then goes to the ulma, the clerics, who then send that money to every country, America, UK... You know, France, you know, Pakistan, and they build the biggest mosques. | ||
| And because Mecca is like the Vatican would be, and the Uelma are like the Pope, they build the biggest mosques and they, you know, spend the most money, and then they say, okay, now you teach Wahhabism. | ||
| And, you know, when you look at what's happening with ISIS, you say, how the fuck? | ||
| Can these guys recruit 50,000 foreign fighters in four fucking months? | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| They're coming from America, they're coming from France, they're coming from England, because these guys go to these mosques where they're Wahhabist teachings, right? | ||
| And then when you look at it, and when you look at what's happening with things happening in France, with things happening in the UK, with things happening in Pakistan, where we're saying we're not going to go with the Taliban even in Pakistan, now we're We're going with ISIS or the Taliban's aligning with ISIS. And you say, how the fuck can that happen overnight? | ||
| How can it happen that all these people are saying, fuck, yeah, that's great, ISIS? It's because we have the Pope and the Vatican saying that that's good, that Wahhabism is good. | ||
| So as long as that continues, the problem on that side is going to get worse, right? | ||
| And then as long as that problem gets worse, we're going to fucking... | ||
| React stronger and stronger as is only human and that's the problem is is we're heading for Some sort of boiling over we're heading for some sort of you know thing and I think and this is me giving people the benefit of the doubt is that some people are saying well fuck if If if we just let into everything now and say those you know everyone's shooting us if we say the wrong thing fuck you let's go and Then it's going to happen sooner rather than later. | ||
| Which might be inevitable if Mecca keeps on funding Wahhabist Sunni doctrine. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ, Shane. | ||
| Goddamn doom and gloom son of a bitch. | ||
| The world is melting. | ||
| War is coming from Russia. | ||
| It's coming from maybe North Korea is going to kidnap your wife and force her to do porn. | ||
| No. | ||
| Goddammit. | ||
| This is all this shit going on right now? | ||
| Let's start 15 with some positivity. | ||
| God damn, you're freaking me the fuck out. | ||
| Let's start with some positivity. | ||
| What about the... | ||
| Well, the thing is, we can change it all. | ||
| We're human beings. | ||
| We're smart. | ||
| And I believe there's enough of us now that are woken up and are smart and understand our political and economic power. | ||
| And we can stop all this shit from happening. | ||
| Because I'll tell you what, North Korea only exists because people let it exist. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Global warming only continues because we let it continue. | ||
| I mean, fucking, the problems that we have with terrorism only continue because we let it fucking continue. | ||
| If humanity as a whole says we ain't gonna fucking do that anymore, it would stop tomorrow. | ||
| We would need a lot of people to band together to go after North Korea though. | ||
| North Korea seems like a huge problem. | ||
| And on top of that, don't they have nuclear weapons? | ||
| I mean, how are you going to stop? | ||
| You have to stop it from inside. | ||
| You have to stop it from inside. | ||
| But I think that that's where everyone running around freaking out about the interview. | ||
| Oh my god, North Korea fucking told us we can't do something. | ||
| We should be figuring out ways of getting the interview into North Korea. | ||
| In fact, fuck the interview. | ||
| We should be figuring out how to get NFL football into North Korea or like fucking Lassie or Heidi or Dukes of Hazzard or any kind of shit. | ||
| Because I think one of the smartest things that America learned after World War I and World War II is... | ||
| If you expand your troops, it costs a lot of fucking money and it takes a lot of lives. | ||
| Where if you figure out that Marlboros, Cokes, McDonald's and Hollywood, everybody loves them. | ||
| Then guess what? | ||
| You don't have to fight the war. | ||
| You won. | ||
| Everybody's like, fuck, and I want to smoke a Marlboro while I'm drinking a Coke and watching Brad Pitt. | ||
| You know, Gramscian hegemony. | ||
| And I think that, you know, we should be exporting our culture a lot more aggressively to North Korea. | ||
| And I'll tell you what, Kim Jong-un grew up in Switzerland. | ||
| He loves basketball. | ||
| He was watching TV. He knows what fucking time. | ||
| And he's watched, you know, fucking Dukes of Hazzard. | ||
| Or I guess he'd be later. | ||
| He'd be, what's a big 90s show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, he's into the Detroit Pistons, right? | |
| I mean, isn't he a big fan of, what's his face? | ||
| Rodman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rodman. | |
| Well, he was... | ||
| Yeah, he was... | ||
| Bulls. | ||
| They liked the Bulls. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Because it was Jordan, right? | ||
| Was he on the... | ||
| What else did he play for? | ||
| Did he play for the Pistons? | ||
| He played Pistons. | ||
| And then he played for the Bulls? | ||
| Pistons and Bulls, yeah. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| He's got, like, metal all over his face now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's going on with that dude? | ||
| He's a weird dude. | ||
| He's always been a weird dude. | ||
| But it's just strange that that's the guy that Kim Jong-un is sort of connected to. | ||
| Well, we sent him there. | ||
| You know that. | ||
| Yeah, but how the fuck is that real? | ||
| Because they love fucking the bulls. | ||
| I mean, if Michael Jordan would have gone there, and I hope Michael Jordan, you listen to this, if Michael Jordan would have gone there, it would have been world peace. | ||
| They would kidnap him, force him to do ebony porn. | ||
| No, I think there would have been so much goodwill, he would have said, look, let's just fucking call it a Do you think so? | ||
| If Michael Jordan went to North Korea, I think he would have been a god-like ambassador and he would have been a little bit more sane. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So you think he could have actually gotten diplomacy accomplished? | ||
| Well, I think there was diplomacy accomplished. | ||
| I think if you look at it, you know, one of the things that, well, besides oil tanking, I think the number one sport in North Korea is basketball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And so it's like if Jordan had gone there, or even if the Bulls would have gone there and there had been a real fucking thing and a cultural outreach and whatever, it would have at least sped it up, right? | ||
| Because that was ping-pong diplomacy. | ||
| They were like, well, we don't actually eat each other's babies. | ||
| We play fucking ping-pong like Sting. | ||
| Like, you know, everybody's kind. | ||
| You know, when I went, I grew up at the end of the Cold War. | ||
| And I was fascinated by propaganda. | ||
| I was fascinated by Eastern Europe. | ||
| And as soon as it opened up, I went to Prague, and Prague was always inundated with Americans. | ||
| So then I went to Budapest, and then I went to Kiev. | ||
| But it was like... | ||
| Yeah, it's not that much fucking different. | ||
| They had a car, and they had an apartment, and they got two weeks, and they went to Lake Baltum. | ||
| It was a shitty car, and it was a shitty fucking guy from point A to point B. And they kind of were pissed off at their government, but they were kind of like, well, whatever, fuck, there's food in the fucking store, you know? | ||
| And it was kind of shittier. | ||
| It was a shittier, grayer, you know, scarier, I guess, because of the police version. | ||
| But in reality, it's like people are fucking people at the end of the day, except for North Korea. | ||
| I mean, North Korea, it's just fucking crazy. | ||
| But I think that the more—it's not actually us. | ||
| We're not doing shit over there. | ||
| They still think we're the devil. | ||
| But Chinese people who used to come look—you know, they were wearing the Maoist suit and with the stars everywhere, and they looked the same, and they talked the same, and they were still revolutionary— Are now coming in Hawaiian shirts and with a Canon fucking S5 and a fucking thing. | ||
| Because our culture got over there. | ||
| Yeah, I think global culture got there and consumerist culture. | ||
| I mean, China is the most capitalist country in the world now. | ||
| But the Chinese who are coming to North Korea don't look like them anymore. | ||
| They don't act like them anymore. | ||
| They have fucking laser beams in their hands like phones. | ||
| They don't have phones. | ||
| They don't have computers. | ||
| So they see all this shit from the Chinese and go, okay, something's going on. | ||
| And I think if we just exported our culture to the fact that, hey guys, you're actually living fucking 100 years ago. | ||
| You should come and get up to speed with us. | ||
| I mean, that's what happened in East Germany. | ||
| You know, East Germany, West Germany, they said this is never going to come together. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| They realized that these motherfuckers over there are driving 911s and I'm driving a fucking Lada. | ||
| So, you know, that's what won. | ||
| That's what won the war. | ||
| Is there a way, though, that anybody could ever... | ||
| I mean, you'd have to get rid of that whole family. | ||
| You'd have to get rid of that whole government that's running it. | ||
| I mean, they're not going to soften it. | ||
| The family doesn't... | ||
| I mean, now I... Well, who the fuck knows? | ||
| I don't know shit. | ||
| But, you know, from what I know about going there a lot, the military runs everything. | ||
| It's called Military First. | ||
| The Army runs everything. | ||
| Whenever the army runs everything anywhere, guess what? | ||
| It's not a ton of fun. | ||
| Kim Jong-un is... | ||
| He looks like his granddad. | ||
| You know, he's the dad. | ||
| They got him out of power. | ||
| They killed number two. | ||
| They fucked with his wife. | ||
| They did all this shit. | ||
| Oh, he's got gout. | ||
| Take him away. | ||
| They were just saying, hey, you know who's running shit? | ||
| The army's running shit. | ||
| Because if the army isn't running shit in North Korea, it's over. | ||
| Because the minute the army isn't running shit, they're going to all be in line saying, can I please work at Hyundai for some money because I'm fucking hungry. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so true. | ||
| It'll be exactly what happened in East Germany. | ||
| I got a great idea for a buddy comedy. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| How about Kim Jong-un captures a college basketball team from whatever the world championship college basketball is. | ||
| Kentucky. | ||
| Against Kentucky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whatever the big team is. | ||
| Captures them. | ||
| Reroutes their plane. | ||
| It lands in North Korea. | ||
| And kidnaps them and forces them to play basketball for him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they wind up taking on the North Korean army, kicking everybody's ass and taking over the country, and they become the president of North Korea. | ||
| I like it, except for... | ||
| I'd like to change it to the best college basketball team in America gets kidnapped by the North Korean despot, which makes them play the... | ||
| Worst pro team in America for a winner-take-all game? | ||
| Because it's always that question at the end of the year. | ||
| If the best college team plays the worst pro team, who would win? | ||
| And I love those arguments. | ||
| And everyone's always like, well, if Oakland played Bama, well, now it's Buckeyes. | ||
| But if, let's say Bama because I love Bama. | ||
| If Oakland played Bama, then they would throw so many schemes up against them and they couldn't end. | ||
| But you're like, Bama had the biggest offensive line in football. | ||
| Not just fucking college football, football. | ||
| And they played together as a team and they're fucking awesome. | ||
| Now they sucked against Ohio. | ||
| But in any case, the best college team, because then you could bet on it. | ||
| You could bet on it and whoever won between America and North Korea would run the world. | ||
| I think we should do that. | ||
| That's what we should set up. | ||
| What if they won? | ||
| North Korea runs the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then we're fucked. | |
| Then we have to kick their ass again. | ||
| Then we're fucked. | ||
| Sorry, you only won the world for a second. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're fucked. | |
| We're not going to let you win the world forever for a basketball game. | ||
| What are you, retarded? | ||
| Then we failed in our mission. | ||
| But the pros should win. | ||
| The dream team. | ||
| The dream team. | ||
| Weird shit happens in sports. | ||
| Remember the dream team? | ||
| People get tweaked ankles. | ||
| Spain. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Mike Jordan. | ||
| Wasn't there like a hockey game too? | ||
| Well, that was the opposite. | ||
| Americans? | ||
| That was the opposite. | ||
| The Russians were effectively pros because they were the Russian army. | ||
| And then we were still putting up college players. | ||
| And even though the Russians were pros and were going to kill us, we won. | ||
| So we became the underdog. | ||
| We are the champions. | ||
| It's a big day for the hockey people. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's a huge day to beat those Ruskies. | ||
| Have to beat the Ruskies. | ||
| The Cold War was played... | ||
| We need a kind of Cold War again just to have sports. | ||
| Well, you know what, man? | ||
| Fighting. | ||
| Sports fighting. | ||
| We've learned a lot from Russians, I'll tell you that. | ||
| We've learned a lot of how goddamn tough they are. | ||
| They're tough motherfuckers. | ||
| When we compare the softness of the average American male to the shit I see on TV that Russians do... | ||
| The military guys over in Russia are mean as fuck. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Not just the military guys, but just the average humans in Russia. | ||
| But we'll just send drones. | ||
| We'll send laser computer people over there. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Well, we won't win if we fight the... | ||
| Well, you've seen the shit. | ||
| They fucking have to... | ||
| You know, squatting their haunches for three days while getting kicked in the face. | ||
| I mean, they're in a different level of shit. | ||
| Now, not to take anything away from the best military in the world, which is the American military, but the Russians are fucking tough motherfuckers. | ||
| You hit them in the face with a baseball bat and they smile. | ||
| It seems like... | ||
| Whenever you hear about a crazy concept, like an MMA concept, it comes out of Russia. | ||
| They had team fighting where they had five on five or six on six or some shit. | ||
| There was another one that I saw there that was two on two. | ||
| One I saw was these guys met in a park somewhere in these rival teams and they beat the shit out of each other in a park. | ||
| They just both met for a gang. | ||
| They just want to fight the fuck out of it all the time. | ||
| If you see the Russian, like the special service training shit that they have to go through, it's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| Like, obviously it's hard to become a SEAL or a Ranger or whatever, but like, I don't know, something like 50% of them die. | ||
| Some crazy stat. | ||
| They are fucking crazy. | ||
| Anyway, we don't want to fight them. | ||
| Guess why? | ||
| Everyone who's fought them from Napoleon to Hitler to everybody lost. | ||
| Except the Mongols. | ||
| Mongols took over. | ||
| Mongols beat everybody. | ||
| Mongols took over Russia for like 200 years. | ||
| The only reason why they didn't get to Europe is because they got tired. | ||
| They're all drunk. | ||
| It was too far. | ||
| Our horses aren't big enough. | ||
| My question was, I wonder if, like, because Russia suffered the defeat in the Cold War and economic disparity and it was hard times, they've gone through some brutal infighting and all the shit that happened, the people that did survive, They're a different, it's like a different lineage. | ||
| Well, they're tough as hell, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and I wonder if that's just what happens. | ||
| And then those people rise up, and then the people like us that are on top of things, we start criticizing cartoons, and we get soft and fat. | ||
| Well, maybe the cartoon shouldn't be punching down. | ||
| We get goofy. | ||
| Well, that's true. | ||
| Yeah, and then we get so unrealistic as to the nature of man and the ways of the world and the way things work right now. | ||
| Not a utopian vision of what could certainly be possible, but the fact, like I saw a t-shirt, you don't like cops, next time you get in trouble call a crackhead. | ||
| Well listen, people that are complaining and bitching about cops, I guarantee you, if someone was breaking into your fucking house, you're gonna call 911. You're right, but whenever I go to any of these places and you see dudes sleeping in the sand, eating dirt, cuddling their Kalashnikov for warmth, and then you look at... | ||
| Look, I'll be the first to put my hand up. | ||
| You look at me and I'm like, well, will I have In-N-Out Burger or Wendy's? | ||
| Will I have the super-sized Coke or the Valium? | ||
| And I'm just like... | ||
| You know, I used to, when I was young, I used to think I was a tough guy. | ||
| And when you see these dudes who literally know nothing but an AK-47 and will eat sand, you're like, yeah, I don't want to fight that guy. | ||
| And by the way, the majority of people I know in our country, why? | ||
| Because our country's great. | ||
| You don't want to fight these motherfuckers because they are fucking badass. | ||
| And it's like, I think we've had this discussion before, but when you look at boxing and shit, the tougher the neighborhood, the poorer the neighborhood, the better the boxer because they're fighting for something. | ||
| They want to get the fuck out. | ||
| You don't see a lot of Harvard boxers sitting there going one, two, three, kerumph. | ||
| It's that, and it's also they're used to dealing with violence on a regular basis. | ||
| They can operate more effectively in those high-pressure scenarios. | ||
| I think that's what we're saying about Russians, too. | ||
| These are harder people. | ||
| They're stronger in will and in character because of what they've had to go through. | ||
| I think if you look at the two longest wars in American history, if you look at Iraq and Afghanistan... | ||
| And then I remember when Russia invaded Crimea, which is 90% Russian. | ||
| You know, Fox News was saying this is the first time they've ever gone without a shot and we should go in and what are we going to do? | ||
| And you're like, hold on a second, hold on a second. | ||
| You're talking about going into Russia, which is Russian, to fight Russians about taking over a part of Russia, you know, that traditionally was a part of Russia. | ||
| You know, we had a hard time in Iraq with not the greatest army in the world with a lot of terrorists. | ||
| We had a hard time in In Afghanistan with the Taliban, who aren't even an army in any real sense of the word, you're going to go take on the Russians in Russia's backyard. | ||
| You're going to get a fucking bloody nose like you have never experienced before. | ||
| If you're going to do it, you better be ready to go all in. | ||
| And that's, you know, one of the things that NATO has a thing, that if you attack any NATO country, all of NATO then has to go And go with you. | ||
| Obviously, we're a part of NATO. So that means if anyone fucks with an island of Finland or someone fucks with fucking Norway's fishing rights, whatever, we all got to go in. | ||
| And then you're like, well, we better be ready for that. | ||
| And we better understand what the fuck that means. | ||
| Because guess what? | ||
| The Russians have been doing fucking... | ||
| Power squads with AK-47s ready to go while we've been sort of eating Pop Rocks and drinking Coke and sand. | ||
| I think PlayStation is better than Nintendo. | ||
| What's the real difference between us, though, is economic, right? | ||
| I mean, Russian, they don't have an economy like we do, right? | ||
| There's no difference as far as what they can put into the military, into their budget and their resources. | ||
| Well, you know, Russia and China have always had a different philosophy, which is have a lot more of it. | ||
| You know, so they have more tanks that are shittier, but they've got to shoot ten of them. | ||
| And China used to, that was their thing, waves. | ||
| You know, they'd have waves of people and they would literally, your machine guns would overheat kind of thing. | ||
| So if you look at it, we have the best military in the world, most technologically advanced military in the world, but I don't know what the standing army is, and I'm going to get in shit no matter what number I say, but let's say it's 3 million, right? | ||
| You know, then you look at Russia, it's probably 30, and if you look at China, it's probably 300. A million? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I believe in China. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Look it up. | ||
| I think at one point in China, everybody has to be in the military. | ||
| They have a billion three people, so... | ||
| I'm getting woozy. | ||
| But yeah, but the thing is, is you can have however many people you want in the most technologically advanced military in the world, but if you're fucking with China, you're in trouble. | ||
| And if you're fucking with Russia, you're in trouble. | ||
| Then it goes to, well, we have a lot more nukes than them, and then obviously that's not a question you want to have. | ||
| Yeah, that's the worst question you can ever get into. | ||
| United States Armed Forces, Standing Army. | ||
| Let's see how many people we got. | ||
| Active personnel, 1,369,532. | ||
| Is that combat troops or is that in total? | ||
| It just says active personnel. | ||
| It's just a wiki. | ||
| Yeah, because if you look at combat personnel, it's usually 20%, which is a staggeringly low number. | ||
| It's like 300,000 people or something. | ||
| Whoa, that's terrifying. | ||
| Yeah, this, uh, that's not good. | ||
| This idea that we're going to go to war with someone like Russia, too, that freaks people out, too, because Russia... | ||
| No, we can't go to war with Russia. | ||
| Russians look white. | ||
| We can't go to war with Russia. | ||
| Well, no, you can't go to war with Russia because, A, you know, whoever, maybe it would be a tie, let's say. | ||
| But then all those nukes... | ||
| All you need is one crazy general on either side. | ||
| One crazy motherfucker to say, you know what? | ||
| I'm gonna Dr. Strange love this shit and I'm just gonna let it fly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dr. Drake loves this shit. | ||
| Do you think there is an issue, though, the difference between going to war with someone who doesn't look like what we perceive to be the quintessential or the typical American? | ||
| Yes, but you know what I'm confused about is if you look at America, what would you say the number one security political problem in America is today? | ||
| Security? | ||
| Like security issue, security problem, political... | ||
| Like, not political problem, like it can't be debt or energy or whatever. | ||
| Privacy? | ||
| No, like a security... | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| It can't be... | ||
| External, external, external. | ||
| External. | ||
| We're worried about terrorism. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| That was good. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| What's the number one, by far way worse than America, in Russia today? | ||
| Terrorism. | ||
| They have terrorist attacks. | ||
| You know, they had the theater where they were all killed in the theater. | ||
| They just had the subway station. | ||
| They blew up two subway stations in Moscow recently. | ||
| They had the school where they killed all the kids, right? | ||
| Dagestan's coming up into Russia. | ||
| They have 9-11s, right, on a yearly basis, right? | ||
| Then you look at China and say, what's the biggest external threat happening in China right now? | ||
| Terrorism. | ||
| So Western China, the Uyghurs, or the Uyghurs, are fucking going apeshit in Northern China and Outer Mongolia, and it's causing a huge, massive, massive problem within China, where hundreds and thousands of people are being killed in slaughters and bus stops and train stops. | ||
| They just had one recently. | ||
| And what's interesting is you say, okay... | ||
| The three major powers in the world, America, China, and Russia, right, all share the exact same number one enemy, which is terrorism within their countries, aligned terrorism. | ||
| It's the same group, same groups. | ||
| And then you say, okay... | ||
| Why the fuck wouldn't we just get together and say, hey guys, we have exactly the same, and India, by the way, is in there as well. | ||
| Why the fuck don't we get together and say, hey, this is a huge problem for all of us. | ||
| Massive fucking problem for all of us. | ||
| And Europe. | ||
| Put everybody in there and say, why the fuck don't we get together and say, hey, we've got to solve this one way or t'other? | ||
| Because the deaths by terrorism, I believe, are number one China, number two Russia, number three America. | ||
| So why the fuck don't we get together and say, let's do something about this collectively? | ||
| We're number three America, but there must be number three all of the countries that we've invaded to bring us into number three, right? | ||
| Because death by terror is only like the 3,000 people that died in 9-11, and what other attacks? | ||
| You know, a few other isolated attacks. | ||
| Yeah, it would be attacks on Americans on foreign soil. | ||
| But in China, it's a continual war. | ||
| You have western China, northwestern China with the Uyghurs. | ||
| In Russia, it's continuing. | ||
| You have Dagestan, you have Chechnya, you have all this stuff. | ||
| And then here, you know, we have all of our, you know, things. | ||
| I guess it must include Afghanistan or Iraq. | ||
| And Russia's getting in a weird spot right now where their economy is sinking. | ||
| Like a free fall. | ||
| They've lost 50% of the ruble in the past two years? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, it's a combination of sanctions and the collapse of oil, which is the majority of their GDP. Both of which they're blaming on us. | ||
| Well, how do we fuck with their oil? | ||
| We lowered the price of it, right? | ||
| Isn't that part of what's going on? | ||
| Well, everyone lowered the price with shale oil and fracking. | ||
| We have done a lot to become energy independent, which I think is a good thing. | ||
| But the glut of cheap fracking shale oil has driven the price down. | ||
| And OPEC hasn't decreased supply, which would theoretically... | ||
| Venezuela and Iran have sort of solved themselves in the sense of oil distribution. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The number of barrels that the United States produces today is supposed to be as much or more than anybody in the world. | ||
| We produce as much oil as anybody. | ||
| Yeah, we always produced a ton. | ||
| We just consumed more than we produced because we like to consume shit. | ||
| By and large, the biggest security problem I believe that we had, including terrorism, was that our energy dependence upon... | ||
| So if you look at Saudi Arabia, you say, okay, these guys are actively supporting mosques that say Wahhabism is good, i.e. | ||
| that you should adopt fighting terrorist Islam. | ||
| That was our money, you know. | ||
| And so at that point, you know, we're giving money to Pakistan, we're giving money to Saudi, we're giving money to Iran, we're giving money to Iraq. | ||
| Why? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It doesn't seem sane. | ||
| Well, why then? | ||
| Oil. | ||
| Because we need the fucking oil. | ||
| And we need all the oil. | ||
| And as we need less and less of their oil. | ||
| Yeah, well, I think it puts us in a better position. | ||
| But doesn't it make them desperado? | ||
| Isn't it better to keep them our hoes? | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| If I was running the country, I would continue to give money to other countries and keep them on the hoe tip. | ||
| That question is being answered right now. | ||
| That question is being answered in real time. | ||
| You don't want to go head to head with a hoe. | ||
| You want to give her a check. | ||
| But the thing is, because of exactly what you're saying, because of destratification of that power system, That's why you have ISIS. That's why you have all this shit. | ||
| Everyone just thinks ISIS is a bunch of dudes who went out, fucking had a joint and said, you know what, why don't we fucking take al-Qaeda's thunder? | ||
| No. | ||
| What happened is you have a huge fucking group from all over the world, international fucking consensus coming in there and saying we're going to make a caliphate. | ||
| And by the way, that caliphate, because they're Wahhabiists, say we want to take over Mecca. | ||
| Once they take over Mecca, if they take over Mecca, hopefully they don't, then you have a real problem. | ||
| Because then you have ISIS saying, we are the Pope and fucking Rome. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Is that what they want to do? | ||
| Is that the ultimate goal? | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
| That's why Saudi Arabia is shitting their pants now, is because they were funding all these Wahhabist things, and then ISIS goes, yeah, we're Wahhabists, but we're the real Wahhabists, and we're coming to take Mecca. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because if you run Mecca, you run the Sunni world, right? | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| And so... | ||
| Saudi Arabia has a lot more to worry about ISIS than America does because they're real close to fucking Mecca and they want to take it. | ||
| We need to just get giant cargo planes like those cargo planes we do skydive out of and then fill them to the top with mushrooms. | ||
| And then at the end of it you have like a big board where you just push the mushrooms out the back of the plane. | ||
| What I love is we'll go on the ground with our whole military and fight Saddam Hussein. | ||
| But we were not going to go after... | ||
| We'll bomb ISIS here and there. | ||
| And you're like, yeah, ISIS is as bad as it gets, dude. | ||
| ISIS is as bad as it gets. | ||
| ISIS is Nazi Germany on fucking steroids. | ||
| Well, we're using drones, right? | ||
| That's the idea? | ||
| Or they are using drones. | ||
| I should really distinguish that. | ||
| I am not involved in the drone strikes. | ||
| Airstrikes. | ||
| Airstrikes. | ||
| And manned airstrikes. | ||
| And how many ISIS soldiers are there? | ||
| According to Ben Affleck, there's like 200 dudes. | ||
| Is he correct? | ||
| No. | ||
| What did Ben Affleck say? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He was on the Bill Maher show. | ||
| He had some goofy quote that got chewed apart by Sam Harris. | ||
| So we embedded with ISIS for four weeks last summer and I interviewed an ISIS member. | ||
| Hit the brakes. | ||
| Why'd you say that so casually? | ||
| We embedded with ISIS for four weeks. | ||
| What the fuck were you thinking, dude? | ||
| First of all, I did not say it casually. | ||
| That was casual as fuck. | ||
| I just assume everyone knows in the world. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| We had something like 45 million. | ||
| You there? | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| No. | ||
| But we have a filmmaker who we worked with in Palestine. | ||
| We asked if we could go see what was happening at the time ISIS, now ISIL. And we embedded for four weeks. | ||
| They changed names? | ||
| The artist formerly known as ISIS? That's it. | ||
| It's ISIL now? | ||
| ISIL, ISIS. They're like P. Diddy on steroids. | ||
| Or Puff Daddy. | ||
| So we embedded for four weeks with them all over in Iraq and in Syria. | ||
| And we released a documentary that won a ton of awards. | ||
| It was viewed tens of millions of times. | ||
| And basically we didn't have any commentary. | ||
| We just pressed record. | ||
| And I really enjoyed it because of that. | ||
| Because it wasn't like, look at these fucking cocksuckers, whatever. | ||
| It was like, hey, your veil's not... | ||
| Because what they did is they showed us what life under the Islamic State is. | ||
| And it's like Nazi Germany. | ||
| It's like you have to have the veil and you can't be too happy and you can't fucking eat too much licorice and all this shit. | ||
| And, you know, won a ton of awards for it. | ||
| We embedded with ISIS. I personally interviewed a couple guys from ISIS. There was a Canadian guy who was thought to be dead, who's not, and I interviewed him. | ||
| And what's interesting is, I mean, the numbers vary, you know, but the top end, what the number the guy was giving me is they have 50,000 foreign fighters. | ||
| Now, we know that they have 50,000 fighters. | ||
| The argument is, is it like 20,000 or 30,000 foreign and, you know, 20,000 Iraqi Syrian or what the mix-up is? | ||
| But these are on-the-ground fighters. | ||
| These are not like support troops or, you know, logistics or intelligence. | ||
| These are the fucking fighters. | ||
| So this is why people should sit up and take notice. | ||
| I mean, for us to mobilize 50,000 fighters is a huge fucking deal. | ||
| But they have people coming from America. | ||
| We talk to French people in ISIS. We talk to Americans. | ||
| I talk to Canadians personally. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| You're from America or you're from Canada, you're from France, you're from Germany, you're from the UK. You're fighting... | ||
| In my mind, anyway, for maybe the worst political organization around. | ||
| But in their mind, because they've grown up with these Wahhabist mosques, that's the right thing to do because they need to be Wahhabists in Mecca for it to be true Islam. | ||
| And that's why I think people should take the next look at ISIS. Because ISIS is not going away anytime soon because these people ideologically believe that they are right. | ||
| And the question shouldn't be, what the fuck's happening with ISIS? The question should be, how the fuck could ISIS recruit 50,000 people in fucking six months? | ||
| Well, if you think about what the image of the United States is and how we've invaded these foreign countries, these Islamic countries, and the hatred that a lot of the Islamic radical fundamentalist guys have towards the United States government, if we had a similar enemy to the United States, as overpowering as we are, Yeah. | ||
| those white dudes that live in South Dakota and North Dakota and fucking New Mexico. | ||
| Jesus, Louisa. | ||
| You know what kind of a fucking army? | ||
| If we were invaded, that would be... | ||
| It would never end. | ||
| The United States turned hard. | ||
| It would never end. | ||
| If you fucking gave us our super serum, our super soldier serum from Captain America movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It would be a... | ||
| This is a war-loving country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We're just so fat and so far ahead of the curve. | ||
| But we would get down with it pretty quick. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Well, that's what we saw after 9-11. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When everybody had the flags. | ||
| But I think that you brought up a fucking good point, which is, here's Iraq, right? | ||
| And for a long time we were supporting Iraq. | ||
| And then we'd support Iran, their biggest enemy. | ||
| And then we'd support Iraq again. | ||
| And then we'd support Iran. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because we wanted cheap oil. | ||
| Fine. | ||
| That's geopolitics. | ||
| Actually, who gives a fuck? | ||
| Actually, you know, we're hegemonic power. | ||
| That's what we have to do. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| The problem is, is you say, okay, we made up shit. | ||
| This is where it gets a bit wonky. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Because you're like, if you just told the American people, we need the fucking oil, and this guy is fucking with our oil, I think that would have been better than weapons of mass destruction and going into the UN and trying to get everybody behind it. | ||
| We understand we are a geopolitical player. | ||
| We're the policemen, the world's policemen. | ||
| You don't have to make this shit up. | ||
| But what happened is, they said, Al-Qaeda is being supported by Saddam Hussein. | ||
| Now, anyone with a half a brain knows... | ||
| That Al-Qaeda's fundamentalist religion and the Ba'ath party was a secular. | ||
| They were anti-religious. | ||
| They were like a political thing. | ||
| They didn't want religious extremism. | ||
| So they weren't helping Al-Qaeda. | ||
| Were they bad guys? | ||
| Is Saddam Hussein a bad guy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I didn't like him. | ||
| He's not my friend. | ||
| I don't like him. | ||
| But was he fucking Osama bin Laden's best friend? | ||
| No. | ||
| They were enemies. | ||
| In any case, we make shit up and we go in there. | ||
| We fucked shit up so bad for so long that when we leave, right after the day we leave, a fucking cadre of motherfuckers come out called ISIS, which make Al-Qaeda look like a fucking tea party and take over the country. | ||
| But is it surprising at all? | ||
| But hold on. | ||
| So we go in. | ||
| We made it up. | ||
| We said the boogeyman lives in Iraq. | ||
| We fuck it up so bad that when we leave, the boogeyman is twice as big, and by the way, we made him. | ||
| Now, that is a failure, not of our truth, but of the fucking State Department and of a political fucking... | ||
| Because these guys... | ||
| There was a time when the British could actually say, you know, we can make decisions that are... | ||
| We are making decisions that are terribly wrong, and the saddest part about that is people are paying for that on our side and on their side with their fucking lives. | ||
| But isn't that... | ||
| I mean, I'm not in any way downplaying... | ||
| The troops or any military action, but I'm just looking at it from a purely objective point of view, almost like a mathematical point of view. | ||
| Isn't that a cause and effect type situation? | ||
| I mean, you enter into a country, you have what is the number of casualties of civilians in Iraq? | ||
| It's staggering, right? | ||
| It's like 100 to 1. It's crazy. | ||
| The amount of civilians that were killed is supposedly somewhere around a million. | ||
| Yes, including sanctions because we cut off medicine and shit. | ||
| It's like a million Iraqis. | ||
| It's a big number. | ||
| What does anybody in their right mind think the reaction of those people is going to be unless they're so completely detached from those people on the ground that you don't take that into account at all when you make your decision? | ||
| That's my long-winded answer to your question, which is if someone did that to America... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| And said, America bombed Russia. | ||
| And we clearly did not bomb Russia or we didn't help or whatever. | ||
| They invaded us, killed a million or ten, whatever the factor is, ten million or twenty million. | ||
| Everybody, including me and you, would get, we said, we're going to go kill those motherfuckers. | ||
| Yeah, we would all have to get down. | ||
| And that is what's happening now. | ||
| And then everybody's sitting there going, well, fuck, we'll just go bomb ISIS, those ISIS motherfuckers cutting people's heads off. | ||
| Fuck ISIS, fuck ISIS. And you're like, I agree, fuck ISIS. I'm a journalist. | ||
| They're going to cut my head off, so I don't like them. | ||
| But at the same time, you're sitting there going, okay, why is no one asking? | ||
| Why is no one asking, how the fuck did these motherfuckers become popular? | ||
| How the fuck did they recruit guys from Virginia? | ||
| How did they recruit guys from France? | ||
| How did they recruit guys from England? | ||
| Where the fuck are these guys coming from? | ||
| And how did they take over Syria and fucking Iraq when you have every army in the world there and every fucking commando unit and every intelligence agency and these fucking bunch of new guys, new kids on the block took over everybody's shit. | ||
| And the reason why is because A... There's institutional fucking money funding them because we fucked up shit bad on our side. | ||
| Now, we should take the learnings that we've done and say, look, ISIS isn't going anywhere. | ||
| And unless we fucking, you know, go apeshit, guess what? | ||
| It's going to make Al-Qaeda look like a tea party. | ||
| Good Lord. | ||
| Right when you think that he's brought the doom and gloom to the highest level possible, a new watermark emerges. | ||
| This motherfucker. | ||
| I actually love life. | ||
| I know you do. | ||
| I love life. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I love life so much. | ||
| Look, I eat too much. | ||
| I drink too much. | ||
| I hang out with dudes like you. | ||
| I gotta say, there's nothing... | ||
| I'm in there with drinking too much? | ||
| Well, I'll tell you why. | ||
| Because there's nothing better in life, and I don't know if you agree with me, but when you get older... | ||
| Besides family, because family for me is number one. | ||
| You have your kids, which are everything. | ||
| But you get a bit older, you know a bit of shit. | ||
| You have a drink, you have a steak, you talk to somebody and you say, look, this is important shit. | ||
| The greatest thing that we have, you and I, is that we can talk about this shit and people actually listen to us. | ||
| Because I believe that people all over America, North America, Europe, are having the exact same discussions. | ||
| And unless everybody goes, you know what, that's fucking true. | ||
| These guys are being cocksuckers and fuck ISIS and we gotta stop this fucking sea level rise. | ||
| That's the beauty about what we can do, is that we live in a world where we can talk and have a few drinks and say what we believe in. | ||
| And literally, I get it every time, like, you know, hundreds of thousands, tens of thousands, Facebook, Twitter, everyone's saying, okay, good, I'm fucking down, what do we do next? | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| I'm not Jesus Christ. | ||
| We're just sitting here saying, this is what I believe and this is what I think. | ||
| The greatest thing about our lives... | ||
| Is that we live a life where we can have a discussion, and it actually matters, and people will listen and say, what do we do next? | ||
| Well, I think that's one of the things that's held back all cultures, is the ability to communicate with each other and find out that we're more alike than we are different. | ||
| We're all just human beings. | ||
| And it was really difficult to have those conversations before. | ||
| It was really difficult to reach people all over the world. | ||
| Well, look at this. | ||
| Yeah, doing something like this. | ||
| No, but hold on. | ||
| Look at what you've built here. | ||
| You've built a communication center. | ||
| You've built a network. | ||
| Back in the day, this would be NBC. People would come in and they'd talk their shit and they'd say whatever they say and then they'd leave. | ||
| Walter Cronkite. | ||
| You literally built that here. | ||
| Now it's a lot less prohibitively expensive than building NBC. But that's why whenever I come here and I try to come here every time I come to L.A., It's because this is the future of... | ||
| It's NBC, but it's NBC for our people. | ||
| It's not NBC for everyone. | ||
| NBC used to... | ||
| There was three channels. | ||
| But one of the things I love about coming here, and this is why I get rankled about censorship, is Joe Rogan has to be able to say whatever the fuck he wants, no matter what. | ||
| Shane Smith has to be able to say whatever the fuck I want, no matter what. | ||
| You can say, I'm wrong... | ||
| You can say, fuck you, Shane, I hate you. | ||
| You're not allowed to shoot me without me trying to shoot you back. | ||
| But while we have freedom of speech and while we have communication, while we have all this shit, we should celebrate the shit out of it and we should tell everybody else out there that they should celebrate the shit out of it because that's what true freedom is. | ||
| Unless we're allowed to say whatever the fuck we want to say, there is no such thing as freedom. | ||
| There is no such thing as true freedom if you can't express yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Correct. | |
| It's 100%. | ||
| It's number one. | ||
| Fuck the thing, you can buy a gun, you can do this. | ||
| If you can't say what you fucking believe without somebody pointing a gun to your head, that was what the Gestapo did. | ||
| The Gestapo said, you can't say that or we'll fuck you up. | ||
| Well, the idea is that they're symbiotic because you need the gun to be able to say, hey, fuck you. | ||
| I'm going to say whatever I want. | ||
| I can protect my body with this weapon. | ||
| You have a weapon. | ||
| It's the only thing that I'm worried about from you. | ||
| But then you're in a gunfight. | ||
| Well, isn't that what the whole world is? | ||
| It shouldn't get to the gunfight. | ||
| We should be able to say whatever the fuck we want, and that's inviolate. | ||
| And by the way, that's what we should be fighting for. | ||
| When we talk about human rights, when we talk about shit, a lot of time, like, we were going, oh, Saddam is a bad guy. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of bad guys. | ||
| The Hootsies and the Tootsies were fucking killing the fuck out of each other. | ||
| With machetes. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Millions. | ||
| So it wasn't about him being a bad guy because there's a lot of bad guys out there. | ||
| However, what we should fight for is freedom of speech. | ||
| And that's why Charlie Hebdo is an important thing that everybody in the world is coming out. | ||
| They're not protesting. | ||
| They're saying, you know what? | ||
| Everybody should be able to say whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| And I believe in that. | ||
| Well, I think anybody who doesn't believe in that is a fool. | ||
| There's a lot of fucking people. | ||
| But did you hear about what the fuck is going on? | ||
| There was another attack after this Charlie Hebdo thing, this Boko Haram. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was 2,000 people killed in Nigeria by Islamic extremists. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But we didn't hear about that. | ||
| Because they're black. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's true. | ||
| Isn't that a fucking weird thing, man? | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| 2,000 people. | ||
| It's racism and it's Africa fatigue. | ||
| And quite frankly... | ||
| But it's two different issues, right? | ||
| One of them is attacking someone because of freedom of speech. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this is some other motivation, right? | ||
| Well, there is, sadly, you know, there is Africa fatigue, much like there's Afghanistan fatigue or Iraq fatigue. | ||
| I mean, how about, let's take Iraq, for example. | ||
| We left Iraq and said mission accomplished. | ||
| We won. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Goodbye. | ||
| And we left. | ||
| The story didn't end, but we left. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| ISIS. Bang. | ||
| Biggest story in the world. | ||
| Oh, where the fuck did these guys come from? | ||
| Well, if you would have not just left, you would have known. | ||
| And I think that there's Africa fatigue for sure. | ||
| Ebola actually continues to rise. | ||
| The deaths continue to rise. | ||
| We haven't contained it. | ||
| It's now in Sierra Leone and Guinea, and it's fucking getting worse in Liberia. | ||
| It's out of the news cycle, so therefore it must be fucking over. | ||
| We must have sent a pill that worked. | ||
| No! | ||
| The deaths fucking increase. | ||
| The opportunity for contagion increases. | ||
| That's why we're doing our 24-hour news network, because you're like, who gives a fuck about the news cycle? | ||
| They found the plane, so therefore, who cares? | ||
| When we left Iraq, that's when the problem started, and nobody paid any attention while ISIS built up. | ||
| You know, you look at West Africa and you say, Ebola is fucking still raging. | ||
| But now it's fucking, the nurse didn't get it into Houston, so we're okay. | ||
| I mean, there is Africa fatigue, there is Iraq fatigue, there is Iran fatigue, and it's like, now we're going to enter into domestic elections and we'll be fascinated with what goes on there. | ||
| Well, it's almost like it never ends. | ||
| Like, this is a fractal equation. | ||
| Because as you start looking at all the various aspects of our culture that we could change, it could be better, and we look at life and death, just look at the deaths that we have in this country because of cigarettes. | ||
| I don't have any problem with people smoking cigarettes if you truly want to, but the fact that that's sort of this ignored thing. | ||
| If everyone stood back, if everyone, like the entire government, had a whole anti-cigarette week, Where they said, and every day on the news they broadcast a special about this is a person who started smoking when they were 16, here they are when they're 15, getting half their throat removed and show that shit on television. | ||
| How long would it be before the numbers just radically dropped? | ||
| And the number of people that you saw dead every year radically dropped from cancer. | ||
| It would be gigantic. | ||
| It would be huge. | ||
| But then we get back into the whole freedom of speech thing, which is, you know... | ||
| But isn't that freedom of speech? | ||
| Well, it is freedom of speech, but like when government gets involved in... | ||
| Social issues? | ||
| In messaging thing. | ||
| Well, but what's a social issue? | ||
| Well, that's a social issue. | ||
| Because if you look... | ||
| Well, okay, but let's look at the social issue that was... | ||
| Just say no. | ||
| That was Obamacare, which, by the way, calling like affordable health care Obamacare is funny because you're just labeling Obama. | ||
| And if you look at it just as if you take a step back, and by the way, I don't want to get embroiled into it because I... I'm not an expert, but globally, you're like, universal healthcare is like a thing. | ||
| Like, people should be universal healthcare or whatever. | ||
| Now, granted, I come from Canada, where universal healthcare when I grew up was good. | ||
| However, that said, I'm not a huge believer in the government... | ||
| Running anything because governments, I believe, because I grew up in a government town, are inefficient and they spend 80% of the money on themselves and 20% on the thing. | ||
| So I'm not like a huge believer in government doing anything. | ||
| That said, universal health care for the richest country in the world seems like fucking we should have it. | ||
| That became the greatest single debate and probably the worst thing for... | ||
| Definitely Obama, but for sure maybe up there in top five for the Democratic Party. | ||
| And essentially it was like a thing that if you looked at it in the world context, every rich industrial country has universal health care. | ||
| It's just a boring, it's a fucking given, it's a nothing. | ||
| And that became such a fucking huge thing because it was the government interfering into... | ||
| Your private life, right? | ||
| And because of that, the extrapolation became a thing. | ||
| And I found that to be an amazing litmus test on the American psyche because you sit there and say, I mean, quite frankly, who the fuck cares? | ||
| You know how much money we're misspending on healthcare? | ||
| I get taxed more in America than I did in Canada, in communist Canada. | ||
| I get taxed more in America and the fucking money gets thrown down the toilet. | ||
| I would be a fucking tea party motherfucker on the taxation side because you tax me the same in Canada but the schools suck and the hospitals suck, whatever. | ||
| But you have to have universal healthcare. | ||
| You cannot be the richest country in the world and have fucking people dying on the street and just rotting there because, well, fuck, you know, they couldn't afford it. | ||
| Now, was it implemented? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| Was it messaged? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| But the political war that went over over something as stupid as fucking universal healthcare... | ||
| Stupid to argue about. | ||
| Yeah, it just becomes like, we're going to fucking argue about everything now. | ||
| Every single fucking thing. | ||
| We're going to argue about, can we fund the government? | ||
| We're going to argue about fucking, are we going to pay our own debt? | ||
| We're going to argue about, you know, what shoe we put on the right foot versus the left foot. | ||
| And that's the problem is, if you talk to Petraeus, who now is up against charges, but Secretary Gates, anyone, they will all tell you the greatest... | ||
| The greatest problem for American security is the inaction of the government. | ||
| The government cannot enact fucking anything. | ||
| And that is the problem that you have today is you have something like Affordable Health Care Act just becoming a huge politicized issue where someone should have just said, look, it's going to cost us 0.01% of the fucking thing to make universal health care, which we can't fucking hold our heads up if we don't have it. | ||
| Just fucking do it and we'll shut up and fucking get on with fucking whatever the fuck else it is. | ||
| Became the number one political issue of last year. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| It's a non-issue. | ||
| It's a non-issue. | ||
| We're sitting here. | ||
| We don't have water. | ||
| We don't have fucking water. | ||
| I think I already fixed that, bro. | ||
| Fix it. | ||
| Fix it. | ||
| I already fixed that with my pipeline. | ||
| Pipeline to Antarctica. | ||
| Pipeline to the big ice cube. | ||
| No problem, dude. | ||
| You just developed like a funnel. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| And attach the funnel to the ice. | ||
| Instead of the narcos, it'll just be like eco-warriors with dreads and sandals. | ||
| Yeah, we would find out that Inuits have been peeing in the funnel and everybody would get really pissed. | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
| There's no fix, but I think we've been in constant turmoil for so long. | ||
| I wonder if... | ||
| When something happens, like ISIS, or something along those lines where there's a real military movement against this big machine in America, I wonder if it excites some sort of primal DNA. Yeah, I got it. | ||
| Because I know that hunting does. | ||
| And you know what else does? | ||
| Farming, man. | ||
| Growing your own vegetables. | ||
| There's something about plucking your own vegetables and slicing into it and making a salad with that tomato. | ||
| I made that. | ||
| There's something primal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I made that. | |
| Oh, it's good. | ||
| I believe that that reward... | ||
| It also tastes better. | ||
| It does. | ||
| It does. | ||
| I was listening... | ||
| But hold on. | ||
| It probably tastes better just in general. | ||
| It's probably better for you, too. | ||
| No, but psychologically, it tastes better because I made that. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| I couldn't agree more. | ||
| But I feel like... | ||
| The vodka that I make doesn't taste better than this. | ||
| Do you make vodka? | ||
| I've made every booze you can make. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| How do you make vodka? | ||
| It tastes like fucking... | ||
| It's potato. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| You can make a still in fermentation... | ||
| And it tastes like... | ||
| Everything tastes like shitty, awful moonshine. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
| Vodka, what they do is they just refine away just so it tastes like nothing because you never... | ||
| I mean, vodka doesn't taste like anything. | ||
| It just adds some shit into it. | ||
| Have you ever seen those tests where they've taken Brita? | ||
| You know, I'm sorry, but that doesn't taste like anything until they put it into the barrels. | ||
| Oh, the barrels are like stained. | ||
| The barrels stain it and taste it. | ||
| Otherwise, it would just taste like fucking vodka. | ||
| All alcohol is just alcohol. | ||
| Right, and the whiskey barrels are like coal and stuff, right? | ||
| They burn them, yeah. | ||
| That's why it's so yummy. | ||
| It is fucking good. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Jack Daniels is the best. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| But hold on, you can order all the super high-end shit and whatever else, but I believe Jack is the best tasting. | ||
| But it's not bourbon, apparently. | ||
| It's pure America. | ||
| Come. | ||
| It's the come of our great country. | ||
| I do like Jack, I've got to say. | ||
| What I was going to say was that someone took a cheap bottle of vodka and poured it through those Brita water filters and did it like seven or eight times, and it came out as good as any vodka you could ever buy. | ||
| Well, Smirnoff always wins. | ||
| Smirnoff's like $5 a liter, and they always win the taste test. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because it tastes like fucking nothing. | ||
| They put sugar in there. | ||
| Well, I don't think they put shit in there. | ||
| They just put alcohol in there. | ||
| That is weird that drinks are not supposed to taste good. | ||
| If they taste good, you fucking pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you got, a little umbrella in your drink and a cherry? | |
| That's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Because I always, when I was a kid, I used to pretend. | ||
| This says something about my psyche. | ||
| But I would drink Coca-Cola out of like a shot glass. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ, when you were a kid? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I always thought, this is the greatest. | ||
| And by the way, if they had a drink that was like Coca-Cola, but like, was like, I would drink the fuck out of that. | ||
| Because I love Coca-Cola. | ||
| I'm trying not to drink it now. | ||
| What about Pepsi? | ||
| Do you have an issue with Pepsi? | ||
| I fucking hate Pepsi. | ||
| Whoa, that happens often. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Won't drink it. | |
| Will not drink Pepsi. | ||
| Jim Norton is the same way, by the way. | ||
| Pepsi is like a sugary water. | ||
| Coca-Cola is the greatest carbolic acid that ever existed. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Strong words. | ||
| But, you know, people used to have the taste tests, right? | ||
| I don't know why I'm looking at you for vindication. | ||
| Why'd you look at Jamie? | ||
| They would do the taste test and you'd be like, if you can't taste the difference between Coca-Cola and Pepsi, you're fucking... | ||
| I hate your guts because they're completely different fucking things. | ||
| In any case, I always pretend and I've always been waiting for a drink that's going to be as powerful and amazing and hit you as hard as a Coca-Cola. | ||
| And every time you have one, it's just minorly disappointing. | ||
| I love whiskey. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But if whiskey tastes like Coca-Cola, I would fucking be like... | ||
| I would drink a lot more of it. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| Yeah, if whiskey tasted like Coca-Cola, we'd have a real problem in this country. | ||
| You have to feel it. | ||
| I think one of the good things about... | ||
| One of the good things about whiskey or about tequila, you feel it when it's going down. | ||
| You know you've done something terrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like you take a shot of Jack Daniels and it hits you and just like... | ||
| Well, you brought up a very good point because I just got back from a week in Vegas, right? | ||
| And it's a very good point because if you ask me what I really like to drink, like if I wanted to drink something, I like Irish whiskey. | ||
| I like shitty Irish whiskey. | ||
| Two would be like, I like to drink, you know, you and I like meat, so I like to eat a steak with a glass of red wine. | ||
| I think steak with a glass of red wine is like a reaffirmation of life, right? | ||
| I can't feel like I'm bad. | ||
| But what the fuck do I really drink? | ||
| I drink vodka soda. | ||
| Why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because it's a fucking drunks drink, and you can drink... | ||
| When you're at Vegas and you're playing, you can drink 50 vodka sodas and just be like, there's the water in there, it's the purest of the spirit, and if you drink 50 fucking jacks, you're fighting the croupier, you're shitting on the floor, you're running around... | ||
| Vodka soda is like you rehydrate. | ||
| It's a drunk drink. | ||
| You can drink a vodka soda forever. | ||
| Also, do you ever get sick? | ||
| Like, you know when you're drinking a lot of whiskey? | ||
| At the end of it, you're like, I never want to drink another whiskey again. | ||
| Vodka soda, you wake up the next day and say, oh, vodka soda. | ||
| Like, that's scary because I'm now so old and I've drank so much booze that I'm like, well, can you drink 5,000 of those? | ||
| Because if you can drink 5,000 of them, I'll go, which is a vodka soda? | ||
| That seems ridiculous. | ||
| So you honestly believe that whiskey gets you into fights? | ||
| You think that's what's going on? | ||
| Brown liquor is a punchy liquor, my friend, and you know it. | ||
| Listen, I come from a long line of brick-carrying savages. | ||
| I've always drank brown liquor. | ||
| I despise the clear liquor. | ||
| Brown liquor is a punchy liquor. | ||
| I don't like the clear liquor. | ||
| I drink the Mexican version of clear liquor. | ||
| I don't trust that Russian shit. | ||
| Well, tequila will keep you up. | ||
| Vodka will keep you up. | ||
| I've always been a Jack Daniels. | ||
| Brown liquor will keep you punchy. | ||
| You know that. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Why do you think you're a fighter? | ||
| You've got the kettlebells and the kicking and the fighting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, man. | |
| It's nothing to do with Jack Daniels. | ||
| You can't blame Jack Daniels on poor decision making. | ||
| I don't think it's the carbon inside the barrel. | ||
| I mean, you yourself said that alcohol has the same effect. | ||
| It's alcohol. | ||
| It's shine with a bit of fucking burnt wood in it. | ||
| But by the way, it's gorgeous. | ||
| One of the managers at the comedy store, Terrence, has some fucking ridiculous moonshine that he brought from back home. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Moonshine will wake you up. | ||
| But the reason why I like cheap Irish whiskey... | ||
| You want some? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The reason why I like cheap Irish whiskey... | ||
| New glasses. | ||
| ...is because they run it through peat, which is, you know, bog bricks that they... | ||
| It tastes like fucking grass, basically. | ||
| And it's just moonshine that tastes like grass. | ||
| I'm like, oh, fuck whiskey, I love it. | ||
| It's just fucking moonshine. | ||
| How about grappa? | ||
| Grappa's just fucking moonshine, but they put it in the fancy bottles and shit, and you're like, it's fucking moonshine. | ||
| It's disgusting. | ||
| It's the same fucking thing as moonshine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My grandparents used to have that shit. | |
| You should drink it after a meal just to tolerate each other. | ||
| I've got to say that we've talked about how the world's about to end. | ||
| I've never felt better about humanity than I feel now because I've had a few drinks. | ||
| I don't know why alcohol is considered a depressant because I'm fucking euphoric as fuck when I drink it. | ||
| After the effect. | ||
| It crushes your immune system. | ||
| It's immunosuppressant. | ||
| It's bad for protein synthesis. | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| It dehydrates you. | ||
| I know it's bad for fat burning. | ||
| I've experienced that first time. | ||
| Here's two different kinds of moonshine we have. | ||
| The real issue with alcohol is the dehydration and the liver toxicity. | ||
| Yeah, we're doing a piece. | ||
| Actually, can I be fucking positive for once in my misery life? | ||
| You're doing a piece that's positive. | ||
| Okay, so my favorite piece I've ever done, I'm doing right now, and I was at this conference. | ||
| This is Moonshine. | ||
| Well, now it's about to get unintelligible if I get into that shit. | ||
| So I'm going to try to get my last intelligence story out. | ||
| So I was at this conference, and there was this amazing, I don't know, presentation. | ||
| About a guy who was a researcher, HIV researcher, and they were like, well, HIV, HIV, you know, eats T-cells. | ||
| It eats human cells. | ||
| It's amazing at eating shit. | ||
| It's amazing at eating cells. | ||
| Moonshine. | ||
| Now you're going to get me all fucked up. | ||
| I'm going to start crying again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So what are you saying, AIDS? You have AIDS? Okay. | |
| Whoa! | ||
| That's good. | ||
| That's actually the best tasting shit we have here. | ||
| That's real good. | ||
| Goddamn America again. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I'm going to have one more before I finish this story. | ||
| By the way, this story is going to fuck you up. | ||
| So everybody, turn it up now because this is important. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay, so they figure out HIV is amazing at eating T cells, right? | ||
| So they say, what if like a pit bull, we starve the HIV and then we only feed it cancer, right? | ||
| Guess what happens? | ||
| It fucking works like a charm. | ||
| So they starve the HIV, they genetically reintroduce it. | ||
| So if HIV doesn't eat your T cells, it's not a problem to you, but it eats cancer. | ||
| So it's a cancer eater. | ||
| So I'm watching this thing going, hold on. | ||
| HIV eats cancer or cancer eats HIV? No. | ||
| HIV is an eater. | ||
| HIV eats cells. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they're like, why don't we starve it for T cells and feed it cancer cells? | ||
| And it worked. | ||
| In fact, they've been in four years of trials, 100% success, right? | ||
| And it's blood cancer, so it's leukemia. | ||
| And so I started saying, well, holy fuck, because my mom had cancer and my stepmom died of cancer. | ||
| Everyone's had somebody affected by cancer. | ||
| So I'm like, holy shit, they re-engineered HIV to go out and eat cancer. | ||
| And then they're like, well, actually, now what they're doing is they're re-engineering viruses for different cancers. | ||
| So, for example, the Mayo Clinic re-engineered measles and they're injecting like a billion measles into bone cancer. | ||
| And you see one woman had a golf ball-sized tumor in her head. | ||
| And then like they inject her with measles and the fucking measles eat the cancer, like eat it. | ||
| And so the, which was previously inoperable. | ||
| just goes away. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| So there's, in Houston they're doing it, in Mayo Clinic, in Penn State, and in Ottawa, Canada. | ||
| The guy who first discovered it was a guy who came across this paper where hookers who used to get cervical cancer also used to get rabies. | ||
| Because they were living in squalor. | ||
| So they would inject the women with rabies and then their cervical cancer would go away because the viruses eat the cancer. | ||
| So this is, by the way, I must be drunk because I'm giving you my biggest scoop on HBO that's coming up on our new season. | ||
| But so I went to interview all these doctors. | ||
| I went to say, like, what the fuck's going on? | ||
| They've re-engineered these viruses that used to kill us, right, to go eat cancer. | ||
| And I'm like, is this the first step? | ||
| Not just for a treatment that isn't radiation or... | ||
| Come on now. | ||
| Pharmaceutical-based? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chemo? | ||
| Chemo, chemo, chemo. | ||
| But actually, you know, a treatment that doesn't fuck you up and puts you in recession. | ||
| They're like, we're looking at the first step towards a cure. | ||
| So this is the biggest story I've ever worked on. | ||
| Or the opening scene in 28 Days Later. | ||
| Oh, yeah, right, right. | ||
| The zombie movie. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Well, they actually, so they re-engineer the virus. | ||
| The virus, for example, the measles virus actually comes from 1953, and it's the kid whose throat culture they took that we've been using as a measles virus for the last however long. | ||
| These guys in Houston are using a cold virus, which we're all immune to. | ||
| The HIV one, they actually reprogram so that it doesn't eat our T cells. | ||
| But what's incredibly interesting about that is these guys figured out that what happened was cancer puts our immune system to sleep. | ||
| And so that viruses activate our immune system. | ||
| So the virus just goes into the cancer, says here it is, and then the immune system goes and eats it. | ||
| So for the past six months, I've met the top five or six medical teams in the world as they explain this shit to me, and I'm thick as fuck, so I didn't get half of it. | ||
| But what's interesting about it is the first step to curing cancer caused by the shit that used to kill us, because measles used to kill like 150 million people a year. | ||
| It was the fucking worst thing you could Now the measles brings all the fucking white cells and eats the cancer. | ||
| It's absolutely fantastic. | ||
| And that's my happy thing before we get drunk on the moonshine. | ||
| Give me some more of that. | ||
| Excuse me? | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It makes sense, and it also seems terrifying because if they fucked that up, then you got some crazy measles. | ||
| Well, they go through incredible protocols, and I wish I could have shown you the stuff, but I'm covered in NBCW suits and shit. | ||
| They go through very, and the, you know, they're making sure that the viruses are done in the correct way and stuff. | ||
| But I've got to say, oh yeah, but how it all happens is, they're like, it happened by a mistake. | ||
| Like, it happened by like, oh, this fucking, we're working on HIV, that thing actually eats cancer. | ||
| You know, and I think that, you know, when I look at stuff, I'm like, we can solve these problems. | ||
| We can fix these problems. | ||
| When we get on here, we're always like, wow, fucking Russia is this and ISIS is this. | ||
| We can fix the problems. | ||
| We just have to put people on it. | ||
| Larry Page always says, the guy who runs Google, is always like, that's a zero million dollar problem. | ||
| Meaning it's a problem only if you put zero million dollars into it. | ||
| You put a couple million dollars in it, guess what? | ||
| You solve the fucking problem. | ||
| Zero million dollar problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's a lot of those. | ||
| Do those exist on purpose? | ||
| And I don't mean on purpose meaning there's some sort of a grand scheme, sort of an overlying conspiracy to the way the world runs. | ||
| But I often wonder the way people behave, even the way you see people behave when they know they're in a relationship where their husband's never going to leave or their wife is never going to leave or they know they're in a job. | ||
| Like, there's certain college professors when they get tenure. | ||
| Become preposterous human beings. | ||
| And one of the reasons is that they can't get fired. | ||
| They have this really ridiculous power, and people tend, when they have power, to explore the limits of it. | ||
| It's almost inherent. | ||
| I've been listening to the last, and this is like maybe the fourth or fifth time in just the last year that I've listened to this Dan Carlin series on the Mongols. | ||
| It's Wrath of the Khans. | ||
| I'm going to check it out because I'm fascinated. | ||
| Dan Carlin's podcast is the greatest podcast the world has ever known. | ||
| It shouldn't be called a podcast because it's too good. | ||
| I'm going to check it out. | ||
| It's essentially a dramatic version of history, and not just the Mongols, but everything from World War I. There's so much shit that this guy covers in such an incredible dramatic fashion. | ||
| As I'm listening to these tales of carnage and conquest, I'm wondering, what the fuck is it that compels people to operate in this way? | ||
| What is it about someone who gets in power and abuses that power, whether it's a priest or whether it's a politician or a police officer? | ||
| Great question. | ||
| What the fuck is it? | ||
| Like, is it just something that, like, ingrained in us to resist, like, to have the strength to resist opposition so that when the opposition isn't there and you have ultimate power, you spool up your power to ultimately resist opposition again. | ||
| It's like you gather up your resources when you have control. | ||
| We live to fight, yeah. | ||
| I mean, it almost seems like this weird sort of cyclical thing that's very difficult to escape. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Very, very difficult to escape. | ||
| And I think that's the one thing that troubles most of us. | ||
| Most of us rational thinking people who live in urban environments who don't have to worry about anything other than like normal petty bullshit, the occasional crime. | ||
| What we're worried about is like, what the fuck is going on in... | ||
| The Congo. | ||
| What the fuck is going on in Afghanistan? | ||
| What the fuck is going on in Crimea? | ||
| What are these worlds that we don't ever want to see in fucking Tribeca? | ||
| What are these worlds that we see? | ||
| Well... | ||
| Right? | ||
| We're on the right page at the right time. | ||
| I'm just going to give you one anecdote of exactly that. | ||
| Which is, I believe we're sort of the same kind of guy. | ||
| We grew up in the same era. | ||
| I'm way different than you, bitch. | ||
| Settle down. | ||
| Well, you're way tougher and stronger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You're way more bold. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| You're a fucking world traveler. | ||
| I'm an occasional dipper. | ||
| I still am going to take you to find... | ||
| By the way, remember one of the last times I was on here, I was like, we should go to Liberia to find the AIDS island of the monkeys. | ||
| Guess what happened? | ||
| Ebola. | ||
| So it's a good thing we didn't go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's no more AIDS? Ebola eats AIDS. Maybe we need Ebola. | |
| Ebola eats everything. | ||
| Or maybe we need AIDS to eat AIDS. I'm really not worried about AIDS. I'm going to tell you that. | ||
| I'm worried about Ebola. | ||
| I was worried about it. | ||
| I'm not even worried about Ebola. | ||
| I'm worried about the flu. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because the flu kills more people than Ebola every fucking year. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Number one killer before World War I was the flu. | ||
| You know what the number one killer almost universally the entire history of the human race is? | ||
| Death. | ||
| Malaria. | ||
| Malaria has killed, and old age is 100%. | ||
| I'm at midnight of my ecological, environmental, and whatever it is, evolutionary clock, so I'm fucked. | ||
| But if I could just... | ||
| But hold on, but you brought up an amazing point, and I just... | ||
| Because I had to deal with this recently, and it was a big... | ||
| Wait till you sober up and listen to the podcast before you make that statement. | ||
| It was a big epiphany for me when I said, I have a penis. | ||
| No... | ||
| It was, I woke up one night and, you know, I used to sleep fucking, you know, 12 hours a night. | ||
| Now I wake up, I don't know why. | ||
| But I woke up, and it was my daughter's first day of school, right? | ||
| And so, you know, I got to take my daughter to the first day of school. | ||
| And I was thinking about school, and I'd always been like, you know, I went to sort of public school, rough schools, and I think that's where I got to where I am, because school is just bullshit. | ||
| It's a curriculum everywhere you go. | ||
| But you learn the pecking order. | ||
| You learn a lot of other shit besides fucking one plus one equals two. | ||
| You learn where you are and what you do, and you learn how to fight. | ||
| You learn how to not fight. | ||
| You do whatever you want. | ||
| In any case, so I was thinking a lot about my daughter going to school because she has a different life than me. | ||
| Because I grew up poor and she has a different life than me. | ||
| And then I was thinking, you know, my daughter now is about to go to school for 25 fucking years. | ||
| You go to school for 25 years. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you want to have a career. | ||
| What's a career? | ||
| Well, a career hopefully... | ||
| Is something that you like doing, and you make some money, and maybe you make a difference, or at least you convince yourself you make a difference. | ||
| And, you know, you make enough money to maybe buy a house, and maybe you can retire somewhere warm, because fucking cold makes your arthritis ache. | ||
| I'm literally thinking about, like, life, you know? | ||
| Because, you know, like, I went to school, and then I worked, and then you got a career, and then you tried this, and you did all this shit. | ||
| And I've been at war, I realize. | ||
| I've been at war since I was five years old. | ||
| I fought every kid in the schoolyard, and then I tried to get fucking this, and I tried to play football and whatever the fuck else. | ||
| I was always at war. | ||
| I was at war with my brother. | ||
| We fought every day of our lives. | ||
| And when I got out of school, I started a company. | ||
| That company, I was always at war, right? | ||
| All of a sudden, I woke up one day, okay? | ||
| I went to school. | ||
| I got my career. | ||
| I got to work with my best friends. | ||
| I became a billionaire, right? | ||
| Doesn't happen. | ||
| I got the A+. I got the fucking A+. And I'm sitting there going, okay, I don't have to go to school anymore. | ||
| I don't have to work anymore. | ||
| I don't have anything to do anymore. | ||
| I can move to fucking my private island, put my Amadeus wig on, put the fucking ponytail butt plug up the ass and ride my fucking horse into the sunset. | ||
| Shit just got real. | ||
| Now, why are you getting up in the morning? | ||
| What do you have to fucking do? | ||
| Why are you doing it? | ||
| Now look at you. | ||
| You are a fucking big star on TV. You're the number of fucking voice of the MMA. You got a huge comedy career going on. | ||
| You do whatever the fuck you want to do. | ||
| You're done. | ||
| You won. | ||
| You won. | ||
| You got an A+. In the game of life, you got an A+. I got an A+. Guess what? | ||
| I don't have to do anything. | ||
| I have no more chips on my shoulder. | ||
| I have no more demons to exercise. | ||
| What the fuck gets me up in the morning? | ||
| Right? | ||
| And then I said, you know what gets me up in the fucking morning? | ||
| Fun. | ||
| Doing this shit with you. | ||
| Going out there and saying, hey everybody, you can listen to me or not, but Antarctica's fucking melting. | ||
| And if I don't say something about that, then I can't look my daughter in the eye when I figure her Kraft macaroni and cheese would be burger. | ||
| I think that shit's good for you. | ||
| It isn't... | ||
| Shouldn't give that to your kids. | ||
| Your kids should be all organic. | ||
| I eat most of it. | ||
| But I can't look my fucking kids in the face unless I say, guess what? | ||
| We gotta fix Washington. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| We have to fucking do something about global warming or we're all fucked. | ||
| Now, me and you, we're still gonna be okay. | ||
| We'll be alright because... | ||
| Much longer to live. | ||
| But our kids, and by the way, and I love your kids, and you have beautiful kids, and I have beautiful kids, and I love our kids. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about me. | ||
| I had a lot of fun. | ||
| I did a lot of coke and drank a lot of booze and had a lot of sex and all that shit. | ||
| But you're like, guess what? | ||
| And so at this point, you're like, I can either ride off into the sunset And say, fuck it, I'll sit on an island beach and I'll drink fucking mezcal every day. | ||
| Or you can go out there and say, no matter what, I'm going to kick against the pricks. | ||
| I'm going to say, this ain't fucking right. | ||
| By the way, what you're saying is bullshit. | ||
| I'm going to go talk. | ||
| By the way, I'm going to go interview Putin. | ||
| I'm going to interview Putin. | ||
| I'm going to say, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| And by the way, guess who I'm interviewing after Putin? | ||
| I'm interviewing Obama. | ||
| And I'm going to say, what the fuck's going on? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because why the fuck not? | ||
| And that's why I always get excited about coming on this show, is because this show is Democracy in Action. | ||
| You have millions of fucking people listening, and guess what? | ||
| Unless we say something, unless we wake up from our Valium and booze-induced stupor, nothing's gonna fucking happen. | ||
| So why the fuck are you doing it? | ||
| That's the question you should ask yourself in 2015. Not am I going to lose weight. | ||
| Not am I going to read more fucking books. | ||
| Not am I going to go wear Skechers instead of Nikes. | ||
| It should be, why the fuck do I get up in the fucking morning? | ||
| And now we're very lucky motherfuckers that we're post-economic and we can fucking say, I'm going to get up in the morning because of this. | ||
| I like how the 1% has relabeled themselves post-economic. | ||
| Well, I'm the newest of the 1% and I'm giving it all away because I'll tell you one thing. | ||
| Money means a fuck of a lot when you don't have it. | ||
| My old man told me the only thing that ever made any sense about money. | ||
| He said, life is like a shit sandwich. | ||
| The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat. | ||
| But once you get it, once you get that A +, you just say, fuck it. | ||
| You know what I'd like to do? | ||
| I would like to buy 20 million acres and say, no one's allowed to fuck with that. | ||
| You can't fucking do shit with that fucking land. | ||
| I'm just gonna fucking leave it. | ||
| Because that's one of the only things you can do. | ||
| That's a pure good. | ||
| Just leave the land. | ||
| Don't fucking mine it. | ||
| Don't fucking piss in it. | ||
| Don't shit in it. | ||
| Don't put Joe's Tuna Bards and Tequila Boom Boom Room in there. | ||
| Just leave it fucking gorgeous because fucking that's godhead to me is nature. | ||
| Well, I think one of the things that's changing in our world is that more people have the ability to communicate. | ||
| They might not be able to communicate on the scale that is like a podcast like this, but they have the ability to express themselves to us and maybe, you know, if you were on Twitter or Facebook or you... | ||
| You ran into them in some form of social media. | ||
| You might read what they said and take it into account. | ||
| So something about them trying to express themselves has some sort of a meaning. | ||
| One of the things that has the most impact for those people is someone who can reach millions of people who represents their point of view. | ||
| Because most of them feel disenfranchised. | ||
| It's not happening. | ||
| There's a guy named Brian Stan. | ||
| He was on my podcast this week. | ||
| He can win. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I don't have skeletons. | ||
| I got graveyards. | ||
| This guy, I'm pretty sure... | ||
| If you have graveyards, I have concentration camps. | ||
| We're all good. | ||
| You should run. | ||
| No, but you should run, dude. | ||
| I'll be your press secretary. | ||
| I'll be your press secretary. | ||
| To warm up for my workouts. | ||
| I'm not into one. | ||
| I would say... | ||
| To everybody out there that Joe Rogan would be the greatest political candidate. | ||
| No, no, I'd be terrible because I have other shit I want to do. | ||
| I'm not gonna stop commentating for the UFC. I love that. | ||
| I'm not gonna stop doing stand-up. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I'm not gonna stop podcasting. | ||
| I'm not gonna stop hanging out with my kids and taking care of my family. | ||
| Where's my time? | ||
| It doesn't exist. | ||
| But this is just, it's not just as good as being a president, but it's as far as like what I can do with who I am and what personality I've sort of developed along this path of life. | ||
| If I wasn't me and I saw me and I said, hey man, you should talk about this shit because this is kind of weird. | ||
| This is kind of fucked up. | ||
| My obligation is to do that. | ||
| And your obligation is to do that as well. | ||
| And I think that's what you're saying. | ||
| I used to play pool to a degenerate level. | ||
| Professional. | ||
| Well, I never played professional, but I played in some pro time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were good. | |
| You were good. | ||
| I wasn't good compared to people that were good. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| I know you were good. | ||
| You played with me. | ||
| The people that are really good at pool, almost universally, they're gamblers. | ||
| Almost universally. | ||
| There's a few guys in Europe, but the American players, almost all of them, what they call match-up. | ||
| And the guys who are the best, they always look at pool as... | ||
| The ultimate thing is winning. | ||
| And what money is, is just fun coupons. | ||
| They're just pool coupons. | ||
| You pass those back and forth. | ||
| You don't worry about the money. | ||
| You're not trying to accumulate money. | ||
| What you're trying to do is win the big score over and over and over again. | ||
| I worried about money a lot because I left home at 14 and I was broke and I worried about it a lot. | ||
| You left home at 14? | ||
| At 14. What did you do when you left home? | ||
| I was a bad guy. | ||
| How bad? | ||
| Fairly. | ||
| Medium, no. | ||
| Medium guy. | ||
| I was medium bad because you can't be that bad in Ottawa, Canada, but I was as bad as it gets. | ||
| But I gotta say, like... | ||
| You know, money consumed me for a long time, A. And B, I had a big old chip on my shoulder. | ||
| I would say what fueled me for 75% of my life was spite. | ||
| Because I would say, I'm going to fucking do this. | ||
| And they'd roll their eyes and say, Shane, you're a fucking arsehole. | ||
| Shane, you're bullshit or whatever. | ||
| And like, just recently, I'm gonna launch a news network, and they're like, oh, fuck Shane, you piece of shit, fuck you. | ||
| The same family? | ||
| No, my family. | ||
| Your family? | ||
| My family's awesome. | ||
| They haven't... | ||
| Not your family. | ||
| No, no, I'm just saying people. | ||
| People in the world. | ||
| Okay, I'm confused. | ||
| Sorry, sorry. | ||
| You left, but you left your family when you were 14. Yeah, but not because they were mean or shitty. | ||
| Because you were crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I was old. | ||
| But you were only 14. Yeah, but I was the same height I am now. | ||
| I looked old. | ||
| I was working as a bartender. | ||
| I was screwing chicks. | ||
| Older than me, I was getting drunk. | ||
| You were a bartender at 14? | ||
| 14. Well, this is Canada, too, back in the fucking day when it was like, alright, who gives a fuck? | ||
| I was a punk kid. | ||
| By the way, I had a great time. | ||
| Bartending at 14? | ||
| Yeah, and slinging coke and stuff. | ||
| But the thing is, is like... | ||
| Wait a minute, you slung coke at 14? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But when don't you sling coke at 14? | |
| Do you know how funny that is? | ||
| You're like, yeah. | ||
| Well, I learned all my business acumen being a drug dealer because it's pretty fucking simple. | ||
| You have to make a margin and you have to do this and you have to mitigate risk and all this stuff. | ||
| And then I went to Eastern Europe and I sold money, bought and sold money because you can make money, a lot of money on arbitrage. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So the thing is, is Money was outsized for me for a long time. | ||
| It was a monkey on my back and And success was based on money or whatever. | ||
| Now, the most arrogant fucking thing in the world you can say is, I don't give a fuck about money, right? | ||
| Because guess what? | ||
| Everybody gives a fuck about money because that's how you eat. | ||
| But the one thing, and it was Spike Jonze, actually, we go away every once in a while. | ||
| We go to the top of the mountain. | ||
| We fucking talk about shit. | ||
| And he was like, you're too concerned about money. | ||
| Because I'm literally a poor guy who is concerned about money. | ||
| And he's literally a guy who never gives a fuck about money. | ||
| And that's why he's more successful than I am. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. | |
| Did you say guy's more successful than you after you said you're a billionaire? | ||
| Let me tell you something about anybody richer than a billionaire can go fuck themselves, okay? | ||
| That guy's an asshole. | ||
| I'm going to tell you something about being a billionaire. | ||
| A billionaire doesn't mean anything. | ||
| Because guess what? | ||
| Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| I'm going to tell you something. | ||
| That's a bunch of horse shit. | ||
| But hold on. | ||
| I'll tell you why. | ||
| Because I'm going to give it all... | ||
| I'm not going to give it all away. | ||
| I'm going to buy a bunch of land because I believe in nature. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love nature. | |
| And make people compete for it. | ||
| Yeah, and die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, and I'm just going to leave it. | ||
| That's why we're friends. | ||
| That's going to be my thing. | ||
| But what I will say is, it's true, it's true, money won't buy you happiness, but guess what? | ||
| Your family not having to worry about where the next rent check's coming from, you know, being able to fucking feed your kids, all that shit, that is important. | ||
| Incredibly important. | ||
| It takes the stress away. | ||
| But more importantly, it goes, okay, now, take all that shit out of the equation, what the fuck are you going to do today? | ||
| Right? | ||
| With everything you know, look at you. | ||
| You're a powerful guy. | ||
| You got all these people listening to you. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| Joe Rogan can say, fuck you. | ||
| I'm going to drive my fucking car. | ||
| I'm going to go bow hunting. | ||
| I'm going to fucking go to Vieques and fucking lie on the beach. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're fucking sitting here with me doing a back-to-back podcast, talking about shit, challenging people, putting information into people's minds. | ||
| I don't have to ever work again. | ||
| Why am I sitting here on the fucking Rogan podcast? | ||
| I could be doing USA Today. | ||
| I could be doing fucking 60 Minutes. | ||
| Why am I doing the Rogan podcast? | ||
| Anderson Cooper hit on you. | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
| Because this is important, and we always get to this at the end of the day, is there is a movement of like-minded people who have the A +, who go, I don't give a fuck about the A+. I don't give a fuck about the money. | ||
| I don't give a shit about you were the fucking biggest star. | ||
| I forget the network, but come on. | ||
| What's the network? | ||
|
unidentified
|
ABC? CBS? NBC! I wasn't ever the biggest star at NBC by a long shot. | |
| Anyway, the thing about it is, what are you doing now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're literally... | |
| Hold on. | ||
| You're literally spending your own fucking money to have shitheads like me come on here and talk to people. | ||
| I know every time we get drunk, which I am now, I get all boozed up and say this. | ||
| But this is democracy in action. | ||
| This is important. | ||
| And by the way, you took your A-plus and said, I'm going to do my own thing, bitch. | ||
| I took my A-plus and said, I'm going to do my own thing, bitch. | ||
| We're not Brad Pitt or George Clooney accepting our Golden Globe Lifetime Achievement Award, but guess what? | ||
| Millions of people are saying, hey, how the fuck can we change the shit that you're talking about on The Rogan Show? | ||
| This is the thing that people like least about us when we're drunk. | ||
| We just compliment each other. | ||
| I hate Joe Rogan. | ||
| Joe Rogan sucks shit. | ||
| Stop sucking each other off. | ||
| I've got to say, if Joe Rogan and I don't get along, then the world will end. | ||
| We'll be fine. | ||
| We'll all be fine. | ||
| As I've gotten older, one of the things that I've really come to grips with in this really strange way is that for this brief glimpse that we're awake and alive, we're really just a blip in this infinite number of blips. | ||
| And what I... Everybody worries about their own finite nature. | ||
| It's one of the things that troubles all of us, and I'm one of those people. | ||
| It's impossible to avoid. | ||
| I think anybody that's not troubled by the idea that you only have a certain amount of days and hours and minutes on this earth before eventually this vehicle shuts down and stops working. | ||
| What are the things that are important to you while you're here? | ||
| And what's important to you while you're here is trying to spread what I would call harmony. | ||
| What I would try to call this community. | ||
| Communion with each other. | ||
| The ability to develop really honest, friendly relationships. | ||
| And I think a lot of what we have, whether it's issues with I think a lot of the issues that we have across the board with human beings with various ideologies is a lack of communication, a lack of understanding that at the end of the day we're like each other more than we're different and what separates us and what you're talking about and the good thing about having financial independence is that once you have financial independence It releases you | ||
| in a way that's indescribable to people that are caught up in the constant, very common web of... | ||
| Existence. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| I had a development deal when I was 26 years old, and I got a development deal to come to California and do this television show. | ||
| And when I got a check, and it was for like $150,000 or something along those lines. | ||
| And immediately, it was like the whole world just... | ||
| Just relaxed. | ||
| Like, I knew, you know, my rent was like $600 or something like that. | ||
| I knew I could pay my rent now. | ||
| I knew I could eat now. | ||
| I knew I made $500 in the average week doing stand-up. | ||
| I knew I could eat. | ||
| I could pay my rent. | ||
| I could eat. | ||
| And it was like this, whoa. | ||
| And I remember sitting in my shitty apartment in New Rochelle, New York. | ||
| And I had this weird epiphany when that happened. | ||
| I was like, whoa, this is like the biggest relief I've ever had in my life. | ||
| I'm not rich by anybody's standards, but all of a sudden, now I'm slightly ahead of the run. | ||
| And I can stop, and I can look at the struggle behind me, and I'm like, oh, we're caught up in the momentum of debt. | ||
| We're caught up in the momentum of stress. | ||
| We're caught up in the momentum of having to... | ||
| Every week. | ||
| This and that. | ||
| Every week. | ||
| Worry about, they're going to shut my lights out. | ||
| Oh, my cable bill. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And writing checks and all that stupid shit that people do all day. | ||
| And as soon as you can step away from that, then you start to look at your life and going like, is my life like this? | ||
| Just constant worry about this impending tide of bills and pushing them back? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So, the one thing, the responsibility that I think a person like you has, or a person like I have, is that once you are slightly ahead of that wave, to let people know what it's like. | ||
| Let people know what's going on up here. | ||
| And also let people know, like, you're being misled. | ||
| This doesn't last forever. | ||
| You're being misled. | ||
| That's the whole thing. | ||
| Not only are you being misled, because we're all being misled. | ||
| We're being misled each other. | ||
| What you're saying is 100% right. | ||
| I was so caught up in... | ||
| Bills and money and buying shit and not buying shit and being broke for so long that I got consumed about cash. | ||
| And you're exactly right. | ||
| When you have this, it could be 100 grand, it could be whatever, it could be Vegas, it doesn't matter what it is. | ||
| But you get it and then you go... | ||
| Oh, all that time I spent worrying about it. | ||
| All that time I was freaked out. | ||
| All that time... | ||
| Like, it's just a construct. | ||
| We make it up. | ||
| Money is just a bunch of fucking computer fucking blips on the screen. | ||
| And then when you get it, you realize... | ||
| And this is... | ||
| I know how arrogant it is to say, but at the same time, you're like, fuck... | ||
| Like, all that time, because I'm stupid, all that time I was trying to chase the money, I should have been trying to chase something else. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But hold on, I'll tell you what I mean. | ||
| Because, you know, Spike Jonze, who I love more than anything... | ||
| You know, he made Adaptation, being John Malkovich, every fucking award-winning music video, every award-winning fucking commercial. | ||
| Not everyone. | ||
| Most. | ||
| Did he make Thriller? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Most. | |
| In any case, what was I doing? | ||
| I was trying to make money. | ||
| We actually won one of our Go to the Mountain things. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Take money out of the equation. | ||
| What would you be doing? | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| I said, I'd be doing news because that's the only shit that I really like doing anymore. | ||
| Guess what I did after that? | ||
| I started a news channel. | ||
| And news is stupid. | ||
| You can't make money. | ||
| You can't do things. | ||
| It's not going to work. | ||
| You can't start a new news channel. | ||
| We're the fastest growing news channel in the fucking world, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but why does everybody say you can't make money in the news? | |
| Because everyone's dumb! | ||
| And everyone will tell you you can't do something. | ||
| We've talked about this before. | ||
| Everyone will tell you you can't do something until you do it, and then they'll say, I always knew you could do it. | ||
| But the thing is, because it's difficult to do, we're bigger than NBC and CBS News combined on our online platforms. | ||
| Viewership. | ||
| We're the largest and fastest growing news agency in the world. | ||
| Everyone told me I would fail. | ||
| Every single person without exception told me I would fail. | ||
| The reason why we didn't is because everyone's doing such a shitty job. | ||
| We're tallest of the midgets. | ||
| But I will say this about Spike. | ||
| He said, take money out of the equation. | ||
| What would you do? | ||
| I said, I'm going to do news. | ||
| He goes, if that's what's going to get you up in the morning, go do fucking news and tell everyone else to go to hell. | ||
| Which is what I've been doing. | ||
| Which is why we've been getting in a little bit of trouble. | ||
| Because now everyone's like, I like Vice News and I don't like the other Vice anymore. | ||
| But there you go. | ||
| People like Vice News but they don't like the other Vice? | ||
| Well, because Vice, when we came up, was like poo-poo cacking, crazy Vice, you know. | ||
| General butt naked, that kind of shit. | ||
| Yeah, but now news became so big overnight. | ||
| Vice News and Vice are now fighting each other for being how big they are. | ||
| And so now people are like, I want to see Pupu Kaka and the Bum Bums or I don't want to see your music shit or your travel shit. | ||
| And I'm like, well then just turn it into Vice News, don't turn it into the other shit. | ||
| But the fact is this news became so fucking big that it's now coloring the rest of the brand because the rest of the brand used to be It used to be everything. | ||
| And now everybody just wants fucking news. | ||
| Which, by the way, I love news, but I still like all the other shit too. | ||
| You know what the problem is? | ||
| It's not even everybody that's complaining. | ||
| That's not really the problem. | ||
| The problem is access. | ||
| The problem is you shouldn't have 300 million in America plus worldwide have access to just throw Twitter comments up and... | ||
| And Facebook comments and YouTube comments, because even though it's not bad, it's not bad. | ||
| But it's overwhelming in the sense that it's very, very difficult to manage. | ||
| It's almost impossible to manage those numbers. | ||
| So you're going to get people that complain. | ||
| Some of their complaints are legitimate, and some of their complaints are just to get your attention. | ||
| And the best way to get your attention is to tell you you're shitting the bed. | ||
| You're fucking up. | ||
| You're doing badly. | ||
| You're disappointing them. | ||
| It's not as good as the old vice. | ||
| The old vice was better. | ||
| I'll tell you two things about that and that's exactly right. | ||
| People are fucking crazy, Shane Smith! | ||
| No, but I'll tell you two things about that. | ||
| I'll get a hundred things saying you're changing the world, you're changing news, and one thing saying you fucking cocksucker. | ||
| I'm like, cocksucker? | ||
| I'll fucking meet you at 59th and 7th. | ||
| I'll kick your ass. | ||
| So A, B, and this hits on, well, I don't know about you, but about me and my life, is that you sit there and you say, you know... | ||
| I had a small company before and it was 10 people in a room and you're like, Joe, you got the fucking photo and fucking Ted, do you have the thing? | ||
| And fucking Rosalie, do you know? | ||
| And now we're doing something on the order of 14,000 posts a day. | ||
| And everyone's like, Shane, did you fucking see what fucking Weiss Bulgaria put up and that goddamn bullshit? | ||
| And Germany just said that this and that and whatever else. | ||
| And you're like, I'm sorry, but I'm lucky if I see seven posts a day and we do 14,000. | ||
| And that's the problem with running something is that you go... | ||
| When it was just me, it's easy. | ||
| When it becomes, I don't know how many people we even have, 4,000 employees, some shit, you're like doing 14,000 posts. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| And I've got to say, like, when it... | ||
| When it is just you, it's you. | ||
| But then it's not Vice. | ||
| Then it's not a thing. | ||
| It's just me. | ||
| And, you know, what I'm trying to do now or what Vice is trying to do now is to have much more of a cohesive point of view. | ||
| And ironically, how we're going to do that is we're buying TV networks around the world. | ||
| We're going to make TV shows that then we then push out for the first time ever day and date with With online and mobile. | ||
| No one's ever done it before. | ||
| And we believe we'll have the largest audience in the world online, collectively online, mobile and TV. And then the question is, okay, great. | ||
| What are you going to put in there? | ||
| We don't want to put in shit just between the ads. | ||
| We're like, okay, who wants... | ||
| All of the people, the Spikes and the Harmonies and the Us and whoever else, now we're saying like, We can put whatever the fuck we want out to the largest audience in the world. | ||
| We just don't want to put shit out there because why the fuck are we getting out of bed in the morning? | ||
| And that is going to be our 2015 and that is why I believe I'm positive. | ||
| Because I'm going to give it a shot. | ||
| I might fuck up. | ||
| I might not do a good job. | ||
| But at least I'm going to have that shot and we're going to go out and we're going to try to do something that doesn't suck. | ||
| Well, there's a bunch of people that will complain about anybody in any position of power that is either above them or has more influence than them. | ||
| But if there's a person that you would be like, oh, that guy got it? | ||
| As a person that I would be relaxed in a position to disseminate information, it would be you. | ||
| And again, this is more of what most people hate about this show is us sucking each other's dicks. | ||
| But you're a genuine gangster. | ||
| I know you do all this crazy shit even though you have money and you can do whatever you want. | ||
| You don't kowtow and you don't suck up to the corporations. | ||
| And as weird as the position that you're in is, I wouldn't want anybody else doing it other than you. | ||
| Because most people would play it safe. | ||
| I'm going to say one thing. | ||
| When we announce anything big, we'll announce it on Joe Rogan. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Hold on, why? | ||
| Because literally, we've said it before, and I would challenge somebody to watch the trajectory of these podcasts, because we're going to launch one of the largest TV networks in the world. | ||
| We'll launch it on the Joe Rogan show. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because we're the same! | ||
| Why the fuck would we launch it on today's show or whatever the fuck it is or who the fuck cares? | ||
| And by the way, you only live once. | ||
| We work with our friends. | ||
| We do it with our friends. | ||
| And by the way, we are the new audience. | ||
| And one thing I'd like to say for anyone who gives a shit, because I think for 100 people who say fucking Rogan and Shane doing stuff is good, when people say you're so self-congratulatory, the reason why... | ||
| It's because Joe's a real guy. | ||
| He's a real fucking dude who came fucking up. | ||
| I'm a real guy. | ||
| And half of it is us looking around going, can you fucking believe this shit? | ||
| Can you believe where we are today? | ||
| We're sitting here having a conversation with two mutual fucking dudes we just have anyway. | ||
| And millions of people are listening to us and guess what? | ||
| We're going to announce fucking the next wave of media in the world together. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because we can. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| If we don't celebrate that we're the first fucking generation that's ever doing that, then we should fuck off. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm getting weird signals. | ||
| I'm getting fucking weird things. | ||
| We went black for a second there on the screen. | ||
| Look, look. | ||
| Just to be a human being, the fact that you and I are having this conversation, two freakazoids who would never be on anything any fucking other way, even if we get in the shit for it, I'm going to say it every time. | ||
| Because if I'm going to ever do anything and announce anything I'm going to do on The Rogan Show, why? | ||
| Because Joe Rogan is the fucking man. | ||
| And because, guess what? | ||
| I love him, and that's all that fucking matters. | ||
| We're blowing each other again. | ||
| I'm trying to avoid this. | ||
| I'm done now. | ||
| I'm over. | ||
| Everyone can fuck off. | ||
| The world's about to end. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| We're going to be okay. | ||
| But I see what you're saying, and it sort of aligns with what I'm saying, is that we find ourselves in very unique positions that we didn't expect to be in. | ||
| And those positions happened because everything aligned with information. | ||
| You don't need to do this podcast. | ||
| You don't need to do this podcast. | ||
| Why the fuck do you do this podcast? | ||
| I want to have a conversation like this with you. | ||
| If you and I had a conversation at a restaurant, it would be 15 to 20 minutes of your insane trips about the world. | ||
| We would laugh. | ||
| We would tell jokes. | ||
| But there's an awareness of the fact that this is being broadcast that makes us stay on point and focus on some, and occasionally a little dick sucking every now and then. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| I don't like that whole dick sucking thing. | ||
| Not that I don't like dick sucking. | ||
| Criticisms of us online. | ||
| But hold on. | ||
| I would say the hundred people saying I love the Rogan podcast versus the one dick sucker. | ||
| The one thing I would just like to say is what I'm doing is saying that this is the first time in media history where conversations like this can happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I don't think that's fucking dick sucking. | ||
| It's because of a lack of censorship and that's one of the most important things about what's going on in France. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Don't criticize people that you think they got it wrong with their take or their humor, their satire. | ||
| No, criticize the people that are trying to silence dissent, that are trying to silence other people's criticism, satire. | ||
| Criticize those people. | ||
| Don't criticize the people that were making cartoons. | ||
| Also, we should celebrate the fact that two motherfuckers can sit there and go out there and say whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| And people can listen or not listen. | ||
| And it's never happened before. | ||
| This is very rare times. | ||
| It's never happened before. | ||
| And not only that, anyone can do this. | ||
| Any guy right now who has an iPhone. | ||
| I mean, Duncan and I and Ari and I, we've done many podcasts on planes. | ||
| When we're sitting next to each other, one of us will hold the phone up in between the armrests and we'll just talk and we'll have a podcast on a plane. | ||
| You know what also the big difference is? | ||
| Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people are out there. | ||
| It used to be maybe it's three, four, five, six. | ||
| This is now a movement. | ||
| And that's why, like, whenever I come here, I have to go see fucking Rogan. | ||
| Why? | ||
| A, we're friends. | ||
| B, I love your family. | ||
| C... I don't want to go talk to anybody else. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about anybody else. | ||
| So I'm going to stop with the dick sucking. | ||
| But I would like to say this is the celebration of free speech. | ||
| And I give you total kudos because you don't have to fucking do this. | ||
| You don't have to pay for this place and do all this stuff. | ||
| And I'm always blown away that you do and I'll stop there. | ||
| That's very nice. | ||
| But I do, because anyone who couldn't but all of a sudden was given the opportunity would. | ||
| And that's exactly the situation I find myself in. | ||
| All of it has played out for all of us in a very unique way that none of us could have planned out, including just the average person that is on Facebook or Twitter that sends a message that you respond to or I respond to or anybody, Duncan, or anyone responds to. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We're in this weird era of communication that's never existed before. | ||
| And we're a part of it as much as anyone else. | ||
| And we're a part of it in that we represent that even though you do make a lot of money or you do pay a lot of taxes, you still are just a regular person. | ||
| And you will continue to do those stories that you find fascinating and in need of illumination. | ||
| All these stories, whether it's your story, you went to North Korea, you were rich as fuck, you didn't have to go there. | ||
| You did that because this was compelling and this was also something that you felt like needed to be illuminated. | ||
| But you also have to look at you and say, okay, you know, where's everyone else doing that? | ||
| Where's Brad Pitt or... | ||
| But he's doing his own thing. | ||
| I mean, Brad Pitt is like, he adopts a lot of kids. | ||
| But who's actually paying money out of their own pocket to... | ||
| To create a studio. | ||
| To have dialogue. | ||
| And by the way, I will say this. | ||
| The only thing that really fucking matters in this world is dialogue. | ||
| We have to talk about shit. | ||
| And if we stop talking about shit, we're dead. | ||
| And, you know, you might not agree with me. | ||
| You might agree with me. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| But at least we can come here. | ||
| We can talk about shit. | ||
| If you can't talk about shit, we're done. | ||
| But the way you're talking, this is what's really important. | ||
| And this is what's really resonating with people that are listening to this podcast or watching it. | ||
| We're talking in a way... | ||
| I mean, I joked around about Anderson Cooper. | ||
| He seems like a nice guy. | ||
| He's gay. | ||
| He's probably been fucked with his whole life. | ||
| He's probably fine. | ||
| I bet if you sit down with him, he's fine. | ||
| I bet a good percentage of the shield he puts up is just to try to keep his job as a gay albino in a fucking white man's world. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But the reality is that guy can't do this. | ||
| If Shane Smith wants to go out and have his own podcast, and you do it in a sumo diaper, one of those crazy sumo diapers, and you have all these Thai ladyboys around you, and you're drinking fucking drinks with umbrellas in it, and you're smoking big spliffs, But you're still talking about the world and important points. | ||
| People will still listen. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because you're being what is absolutely 100% lacking in all of corporate controlled media. | ||
| And that is authentic. | ||
| That's what's missing. | ||
| I will say this. | ||
| I don't know Anderson Cooper and I don't know most of these people. | ||
| He lives in a firehouse. | ||
| But what I will say is, and this is a big deal for me anyways, personally, is we were in negotiations with Time Warner and we were in negotiations with a lot of people. | ||
| And, you know, I could have made a lot of money. | ||
| But they wanted Anderson Cooper and you to go on a cruise. | ||
| That would be no problem. | ||
| I'll go on a cruise with anyone. | ||
| No. | ||
| One of the things is everyone wants control. | ||
| And I fought very hard to keep control. | ||
| I don't even know why. | ||
| Quite frankly, let's be honest, because this goes back to one day you wake up and say, I got the money, I won the game, what the fuck am I doing? | ||
| Why am I fighting so hard for control? | ||
| I vote 95% of the board on the largest single shareholder advice. | ||
| Why did I do that? | ||
| Why didn't I take money off the board and spend it? | ||
| By the way, I'm not setting myself up. | ||
| I don't know the answer to that question. | ||
| But at least for now, I run fucking Vice. | ||
| Now, I don't run it perfectly because a lot of shit gets through that shouldn't get through and a lot of things happen that shouldn't happen because I don't have enough time in the day and there's a bottleneck and I have to get better at that. | ||
| But the thing is, I was able to launch... | ||
| Vice News by myself. | ||
| I was able to launch a Vice News. | ||
| We're up for Peabody's and Pulitzer's. | ||
| I just won the Knight Foundation Award for Journalism, which is great. | ||
| I never even heard of that shit. | ||
| If I was at a party and I was trying to talk to a girl, she was like, yeah, I just won the Knight Ward for... | ||
| Knight Foundation, cocksucker. | ||
| In any case, I'm trying to do a humble brag, but what I'm trying to say is I could do that. | ||
| I could say, you know what, I'm going to override my board, I'm going I'm going to override everybody. | ||
| I'm going to override my investors. | ||
| And I'm going to invest in news when everyone says you shouldn't because there's no money to be made in news, which is true. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| We did it. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because it's fucking important. | ||
| You're a guy... | ||
| You don't have to do any of this shit. | ||
| You're in fucking Hollywood. | ||
| You're a celebrated motherfucker. | ||
| You can come out here and you can not do fucking anything and fucking kill it. | ||
| Now, what I'd like to say is... | ||
| You got two medium old guys here who like a fucking few drinks. | ||
| And by the way, we're regular dudes who just grew up and said, hey, I watched Scooby-Doo when I was young, and then I did this, and then I did that, and now we're just sitting here. | ||
| That said, I believe that we're in the majority. | ||
| I believe that us and people like us are in the majority, and we look at shit now and say, hold on a second. | ||
| All these old motherfuckers are dying off. | ||
| We control this country now. | ||
| Not only this country, but probably... | ||
| You know, the West, you know, with our money and with our politics. | ||
| Why are we still doing all this shitty stuff? | ||
| The only guy that does it week in, week out and says, why are we still doing this shitty stuff is fucking Joe Rogan. | ||
| Now, Anderson Cooper, what he does is sits there and says, here's the storm here or whatever there. | ||
| He's not a weatherman. | ||
| He's a weatherman. | ||
| So for me, by the way, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you right now, Fox CNN... Up the ass. | ||
| And fuck all mainstream media. | ||
| Fuck Fox News up the ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How rude. | |
| But what I will say is, we'll at least try. | ||
| I'm not going to just say fuck CNN and not try to be better than them. | ||
| I believe in the first eight months of Vice that we were better than CNN. We're up for all the awards, right? | ||
| We are rating better than CNN. And by the way, we're not doing it great. | ||
| We're not perfect. | ||
| We're not fucking doing it great. | ||
| But we're going to get there. | ||
| Well, you most certainly covered some stories. | ||
| They didn't. | ||
| We fucking broke Ebola. | ||
| We broke ISIS. We were the first in Ukraine. | ||
| We were the first in Gaza. | ||
| But guess who? | ||
| The fucking people I'm going to go talk about that with is you fuck CNN and fuck 60 Minutes. | ||
| They had their television. | ||
| This is so rude. | ||
| I can't be a part of this because I was about to do a deal with Larry King to relaunch Larry King Live. | ||
| Well, fine. | ||
| But he's gone. | ||
| He's going to do his own thing. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| Well, he's on the internet now. | ||
| He should do his own thing. | ||
| Isn't he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's on the internet. | |
| He should do his own thing. | ||
| But if he found out that he gets more views on the internet than he ever did on the internet. | ||
| But he will, though. | ||
| He will. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| He will. | ||
| Of course he will. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| If you just got somebody behind him with some shekels, give him some growth hormone, some testosterone. | ||
| I would back him except for the fact that he's fucking old as shit. | ||
| Hey, easy. | ||
| We're all going to be fucking old. | ||
| Well, I'm not going to be old, my friend. | ||
| But if he was old and he was Timothy Leary, you'd back him. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm not going to be old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some old gangster. | |
| You're not going to be old? | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't you think that somewhere along the line science will save you? | ||
| Science will step in. | ||
| I hope the shit they will. | ||
| Some sort of liver regeneration pill. | ||
| We give Shane a shot and he wakes up. | ||
| I did a liver cancer piece and I was like, I will literally give you all my money if you can fucking cure my liver cancer. | ||
| Excuse me, I know it's in the mail because I like to drink booze. | ||
| And I got to tell you, I like to drink booze. | ||
| I like to eat food. | ||
| I like to sleep. | ||
| I'm a sensualist. | ||
| Sensualist? | ||
| You like senses? | ||
| I like sensual things. | ||
| Who doesn't? | ||
| I want to find that fuck. | ||
| Have you ever been experienced? | ||
| I want to find that guy who wants to be numb. | ||
| He's rubbing lidocaine on his dick all day. | ||
| Who's he? | ||
| That guy's the mess. | ||
| You only live once and then you're dead for a long time. | ||
| That's what I'm saying, dog. | ||
| Fuck all those people that disagree. | ||
| Sensory experience is one of the beautiful things about life. | ||
| The greatest thing about life is life. | ||
| Enjoy your fucking shit, no matter what it is, and then you're gonna be dead for a long time, so just do it. | ||
| The older I get, the more I'm just like, I'm gonna enjoy the shit out of this motherfucker. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The older I get, though, the more I realize, like, oh, this is gonna end. | ||
| Let's set this goddamn thing on fire and go. | ||
| When I was 20, I didn't think it was gonna end. | ||
| When I was 30, I was like, this shit's gonna end way in the future. | ||
| When I'm 40, I'm like, hey, when does this end? | ||
| Now I'm 47, I'm like, um, how much time do I have left? | ||
| Those are the steps. | ||
| The immortality of the 20s is staggering to me now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I used to just think it's all going to go on forever. | ||
| Well, I have a buddy and he called me once and he goes, you know what's the scariest fucking thing in the world? | ||
| Teenage boys. | ||
| Oh, fuck you. | ||
| And I go, why? | ||
| I was the scariest motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They don't know. | |
| He goes, they don't know. | ||
| They don't know they could die. | ||
| And they want to make a name and they want to fuck shit up and smash shit. | ||
| It is true. | ||
| And I think that that's one of the weird things about life is that no one comes out of the box with any sort of understanding of what the grand spectrum of this experience is about. | ||
| The scariest thing in life is teenage boys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Done. | ||
| Because they don't give a fuck. | ||
| I was a teenage boy, and I would fuck the shit up. | ||
| And every time I'm in, it doesn't matter if you're in Africa, Afghanistan, whatever, if you see a bunch of teenage kids with guns, you're fucked. | ||
| If you see a guy with a gray beard, you're like, I can talk to this guy. | ||
| I can talk to this guy. | ||
| Yeah, no, he's right. | ||
| The scariest thing in life is teenage boys. | ||
| In understanding of that or in consideration of that, the scariest thing in life is really ignorance, power and ignorance together. | ||
| And when you're 18 and you're a young man, your idea of what you can accomplish once you start getting laid, once you win your first fist fight, once you're at the top of the world. | ||
| It's like you get into this experience in life where because of the limited amount of information that you've been exposed to, the limited amount of people that you've met, the limited amount of friends that you've had, you start forming your world. | ||
| And your world is so small. | ||
| It's so tiny. | ||
| But you think, because of the limited amount of experience that you have, you think that this is what's up. | ||
| California weed. | ||
| You can live it in New York too long, son. | ||
| They're all faking out of that. | ||
| I literally can't talk because Joe Rogan smokes the strongest pot in life. | ||
| LASpeedweed.com represent. | ||
| I think that you're exactly right in that. | ||
| When I was young, I would tell you I knew what the fuck I was talking about. | ||
| I would tell you I understood mortality. | ||
| I would tell you all this shit. | ||
| But the fact of the matter is, no matter how bad the fight or how drunk I was driving my car home or jumping off the bridge into the water In the back of my mind, I believed I would never die. | ||
| And even because I hung out with this gang of kids and a bunch of them died from drug overdoses and a bunch of them died from car accidents. | ||
| It's just sad shit. | ||
| There's nothing sadder than a teenager dying. | ||
| But the thing is, quite frankly, they all died from the boring shit. | ||
| They all died from you got wasted and you fucking hit the car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You got fucking wasted and you overdosed or whatever the fuck it is. | |
| And you look at it now and go, you know how much you missed, man? | ||
| You know how much of all this crazy fucking shit you didn't get to see, you know? | ||
| And at that point you're like, look... | ||
| I was the dumbest motherfucker on earth when I left home at 14, and I got progressively dumber until I was probably in my mid-twenties. | ||
| And I think when mortality comes and gets you, and this is, I don't know about you, but it's hit me, is every day is fucking awesome. | ||
| You know, I see the worst shit in the world every day with politics and with poverty and with the environment, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| Fucking life is fucking awesome. | ||
| If you're healthy, life is amazing. | ||
| If you're healthy and you have friends, that's the big one. | ||
| That's why solitary confinement is the darkest shit of all time. | ||
| And, hold on, and this goes back to our first point, you gotta be healthy, you're right. | ||
| You gotta, you know, have friends, family, somebody out there, you know. | ||
| You gotta enjoy your shit, you know. | ||
| Enjoy your food, enjoy your fucking sleep, enjoy your book, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| But the other thing is, if you don't have future, if you don't have like, tomorrow's gonna be good too, you know, then you're fucked and that's why we all have to participate in that shit. | ||
| Sorry I cut you off. | ||
| Well, it's inevitable. | ||
| We're all participating because it's inevitable. | ||
| We're all a part of this crazy growing wave. | ||
| I've now become addicted to your... | ||
| It's good for you, dude. | ||
| Don't be scared. | ||
| It's going to just calm you down and soothe you and relax your soul. | ||
| But if I had to do it all over again, I would realize that every day is fucking just... | ||
| I think you wouldn't. | ||
| You've got to kill it. | ||
| I think if you had to do it all over again, you'd do it exactly the same way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
| Because if you didn't, you would never learn the lessons that you learned. | ||
| I mean, I'm not claiming that I've gone the perfect path, but... | ||
| Every fucking disaster I've ever been a part of, every mistake I've ever made, it's made me humble, reconsider, be more considerate, be more introspective, be more observant, be more objective. | ||
| Just look at it from, you have to fuck up. | ||
| You can't, like, everybody that fucks up, they feel like they're a bad person because they fucked up. | ||
| But no, you're just a person. | ||
| Hopefully you didn't fuck up too bad. | ||
| But that's how you learn by fucking up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a big part of it. | ||
| When you're killing it, you're like, oh yeah, I'm the smartest, I'm the best. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You learn by fucking up. | ||
| That's what people hate, right? | ||
| What do we hate more than anything? | ||
| We hate cockiness, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's one of the things that people hate more than anything. | ||
| Which is... | ||
| Yes, it's true, and I've learned that the hard way. | ||
| Because I like being cocky. | ||
| I like guys, I like saying, I'm going to fucking kill it. | ||
| And I like other guys, I like guys saying they're going to kill it. | ||
| If they don't, fuck them or whatever. | ||
| That's bro talk. | ||
| No, but I do. | ||
| I like people being confident and going out there and doing that shit. | ||
| Of course, because it's tribal. | ||
| Well, my old man always said to me when I was young, he goes, they're going to tell you life is fair... | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| He goes, life is brutal. | ||
| You have to be the smartest and the toughest and you have to win and you have to be there in the right place at the right time. | ||
| And even then, if you have a little dick, you're fucked. | ||
| Well, because I have a huge dick, that didn't come into it. | ||
| But no, it was just like he was honest, because that's the truth. | ||
| It's fucking hard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard, and you have to have a little bit of luck as well. | ||
| And everyone else tells their kids, it's fine, it's good, it's going to be great. | ||
| And my old man was like, actually, it's going to be fucking hard, so you better really fucking try to hit it, because if you get fucked up, it's only going to travel with you. | ||
| And at that point, you sit there and go, honesty goes a long way. | ||
| We're wasted. | ||
| We should probably go, and I gotta get a plane. | ||
| Best ending of a podcast ever. | ||
| A long, drunken rant, and we should probably get out of here. | ||
| Because it's only going to get worse from now on for me. | ||
| Shane Smith, you bad motherfucker, you. | ||
| Every time we talk, I feel inspired. | ||
| You're a bad motherfucker, dude. | ||
| The next time we have a rule, a new rule, next podcast, there'll be no complimenting each other. | ||
| Either one at all. | ||
| Done. | ||
| I love you, but it's enough. | ||
| Enough already. | ||
| We're getting ridiculous. | ||
| All right. | ||
| You're the best, man. | ||
| I appreciate you very much. | ||
| I appreciate you very much. | ||
| I appreciate you coming on, too. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| All right, fuckers. | ||
| We'll be right back in about 10 minutes with the great Ari Shafir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Booyah! | ||
| Hit it! |
Export Selection