David Choe and Joe Rogan dive into Choe’s viral iPhone art, UFC training jokes, and mercury poisoning from sushi binges—like his $10K/night prostitution claims and dark humor about "fag acts." They debate censorship, comparing Choe’s Thumbs Up hitchhiking chaos to Rogan’s podcast compromises, while critiquing the criminalization of sex work. Choe’s stand-up debut at UCLA, featuring dick flashcards, and his clash with Bobby Lee over artistic integrity—culminating in a Smothers Brothers-style routine—highlight how self-destruction fuels creativity. His Critter’s Cross-Country Cash Contest and Broadcasting from an insane asylum book (selling Nov 2) push boundaries, blending Han-driven resentment with unfiltered provocation, proving that chaos and authenticity often outlast societal expectations. [Automatically generated summary]
Yeah, so people always like, whenever I do anything to preface it with, well, if I was rich, or if I had your fuck you money, or if, you know, and I go, this shit, most of everything I do costs little or nothing.
Like, the Hong Dynasty is, okay, so Instagram comes out, and what, Vine is like 7 seconds, right?
I don't have Vine, but Vine is 7 seconds, Instagram is 15 seconds.
We're old guys.
When I go hang out with my nephews and stuff, and they're like teenagers, they won't even watch a one-minute YouTube clip.
People have that glamorous idea that they're going to go and have an MMA fight.
And I would never discourage anybody from being an MMA fighter.
I think you live and you die.
If you want to be a bull rider, if you want to ride motocross, if you want to drive Formula One race cars...
All those things are dangerous.
All those things are awesome.
You know, live your life, man.
I fought.
I did it.
It's not...
I mean, I fought in Taekwondo and I kickboxed.
It's fucking stupid.
I did it for free.
There was no money involved in it.
I had no insurance.
I had no health insurance.
So I would never tell someone, don't do anything dangerous.
But you can't...
I don't think you should dabble in that.
That's something like...
There's dudes that are doing it that I know that are trying to make it in the UFC or have made it into the UFC that that's their fucking whole life, man.
They get up in the morning.
They're doing their strength and conditioning.
They're running.
They're drinking wheatgrass juice and they're fucking taking all their amino acids.
Yeah, I just crossed over and he's like, dude, with lots of complete nutritional diet change and lots of exercise, he's like, you can go back to not having diabetes, but...
I just wanted everyone around me to be someone I trusted.
And you don't get the level of work that...
I work every night till 7, 8 in the morning still.
I don't have to, but I do.
And without even...
Because there's always, in the back of their mind, they're like, Dave's not going to fire me.
He's my cousin or he's my best friend.
And then I was just sitting there going...
How come I do have all this money and I hired all these guys and I'm overpaying the shit out of them and like I'm still at the office by myself, you know?
So I fired everyone.
I only hired people that are not my friends and white and I said no more Asians.
And I found out with this next phase of the experiment that I immediately, like, befriended all of them.
Like, now they're all my best friends again.
And even if I, like, Critter, you know, I said, listen, I have diabetes.
I, you know, and he's also my bodyguard, which everyone thinks is a joke, which it is most of the time.
But, you know, weird shit happens once in a while.
And I said, look, I love eating.
I'm friends with lots of chefs.
You know, I go to a lot of restaurants.
You know, I love, I have a piece of me that's like, just having no money and going to a restaurant, a nice restaurant for the first time, and just like having that snooty, you know, looking at sushi menu and going like, what's MP? Like, I didn't know because I've never been there.
And they're like, that's market price, sir.
And I'm like, well, Well, how the fuck am I supposed...
Right.
Okay, so this toro, what is that?
They're like, it's the fattest part of the tuna, and it's $60 a piece.
You mean for the two pieces?
No, no, no, for one piece.
And I'm like, $120 for two tiny fucking pieces of fish?
But, you know, I didn't have any money.
I'm like, I'm not going to get that.
And they're like, yeah, if you have to ask, then you can't afford it.
And so now I have the money, and I go in there, yeah, motherfucker, give me a hundred toro.
What?
I'm like, give me the whole fucking fish!
And then it's like, oh, tuna has the most amount of mercury.
And, you know, the doctor checks my blood and he's like, you have so much mercury in your fucking blood, you know?
Well, I don't know about the arsenic, but they said, I just, because my hair started falling out, and I couldn't, you know, I'm like, I'm still relatively young, but I just- So the mercury was making your hair fall?
Well, it said for mercury poisoning, it's like memory loss.
And like, it's like, I'm like, I have the same memory as my like 70 year old father who's like, well, you know, I'm like, people will do that.
Hey Dave, you just told that story.
And I'm like, I'm like, really?
And I'm like, fuck.
And it's like, I know that like, it's like when you know something, but you're feeling really dumb and I'm like, why?
Where's, what's this block?
And they're like, dude, your blood is like just full of it.
So, wow.
So I told Critter, I said, listen, I need the kind of trainer that physically abuses me.
Like, you can put a finger in my ass if you have to.
I know, but I go, I don't have that kind of discipline because I don't drink.
I don't do drugs.
And so food is my vice.
Especially since I don't gamble anymore.
And it's like, I love to eat.
And I love to eat late at night.
I like to have dinner number two, dinner number three.
So I said, here's the key to my house.
Every single day, I'm going to come up with some excuse to not work out.
Oh, I got to fuck this girl, or I have a really important meeting with Joe Rogan.
It's like, I don't care.
You have permission to come into my house, physically drag me out of my bed, punch me in my chest, and get me to work out because I'm not going to want to.
But then I'd look at it, or I'd look, or I'd eat it and go, oh, cool, I ate good today.
And then, like, at three in the morning, still go out and get the burrito.
And, um...
So the thing I'm doing now, which I already can see, it's horrible, and everyone says it doesn't work, but now I'm sort of stuck in this weird thing.
It's like the whole I want...
I'm like, no one's like, diets aren't going to work, right?
This has to be a lifestyle change.
You can't go for three months eating salads and then be like, hey, I got my weight down, I got my cholesterol down, I got my diabetes down, and then going back to it.
But I'm like, but I love food.
I love eating.
And so the thing I'm doing now, which I didn't put too much research into, is chewing and spitting.
It's just like Roman times gluttony to the max, right?
And I'll have like...
The worst is if it's at a nice restaurant because then they don't have the...
They have like cloth napkins.
And I'm like, can you bring some more of those paper napkins?
And I'm sitting there...
And I'm like, and I'm just chewing everything, getting all the flavor out of it.
And then I'm spitting it, which the mouth, as soon as it starts chewing and making saliva, the stomach starts making acid to prepare for the food to come down.
But if the food never comes down, there's just like acid in your stomach, you know?
And also, when you eat, all the sugar already goes into your, like, before it hits your stomach, you know?
So I'm eating all this food at nice restaurants and chewing it and spitting it in the napkins and then putting it on the plate and then the dude comes, is there something wrong with the meal?
I do this thing called Regenikine, and I had it done today, actually.
My shoulder's been bothering me.
They take your blood out, and they spin it in a centrifuge and apply heat to it, and so your blood thinks like it has a fever.
And it creates this anti-inflammatory response, and it creates this yellow serum, and then they extract the yellow serum out of your blood, and then they inject it directly into areas where you have inflammation.
It's really good for injuries, but it's also, like, when you do it, like I did it today, your energy, you just feel great!
Yeah, Dana White told me about it, because he has an inner ear infection, an issue rather, called Meniere's disease.
And it's from, he got beat up one time when he was young by a bunch of guys, and he gets this tinnitus ringing in his ear, and it fucks with his balance and shit.
And it's all inflammation.
Well, they figured out a way to inject this serum made out of your blood, and it totally cured it for him.
He went through surgeries.
He was on medication.
He did a bunch of shit that really fucked with him.
But this stuff, instead of fucking with him, it uses your own blood, and it made him feel fantastic.
And he used to have to go to Germany for it.
And I was going to fly to Germany to go do this, but then they started opening these places around.
Now they have one, Lifespan Medicine in Santa Monica.
I'm just saying, like, the way technology is going now, like, you're covered in tattoos, but, like, you know in five years they're going to have some ray that just gets rid of all your tattoos.
My problem with the internet is I always think it's like the Wild West when it's actually not, so almost everything I put up on YouTube or Vimeo gets flagged.
I just put up a new episode of my show, DVD-ASA, and it got flagged.
You had a thing where you got offline, you took down your podcast, and you put up this fucking disclaimer, and I had to text you about it immediately once I read it, because I was alone, it was like 2 o'clock in the morning, I'm in my house, and I'm howling laughing, because you're talking about racism, but you said something that's totally true.
You're like, everyone's afraid of the yellow man.
Like, black men get to fuck, but how come Jackie Chan...
Never got to finger bang or fuck in rush hour one, two, or three.
the first time I met her was seven or eight years ago and so this is still in the year you know it was like 2005, 2006 and it was on the set of the first Asian American porno in America and I was like the first one?
I was like I don't even know what that means and I'm like there's Asian chicks in porn and it was like no the first porno In America where they're they're all Asian and then the I'm like what the male perf I'm like yeah that exists and they're like no it doesn't They go the only place in porn where you see an Asian guy is gay porn and he's the bottom So he's literally getting fucked in his ass and that's the only place you see him.
They can't take our white pussy on top of that, you know, so I don't know I don't know what it is But I just know like when I do shit like I get a lot more slack for it then but whatever I don't I don't give a shit Well the point that you were making I mean, I know you're just being funny, but the point you were making is true I mean you don't see Asian guys get laid in movies and if they do it's with an Asian girl, right?
So these kids have started this thing, VidMe, which is like my answer to YouTube or whatever, and I could put anything up there.
So I put my comedy special.
So if you go to vid.me and then put in DVD or subscribe to DVD, I say you have my comedy special, which is the first time I did comedy at UCLA, which is intercut with like...
Machine guns and girls buttholes and me slapping cigarettes out of smoking vaginas.
I only had like one fight in high school, and it wasn't really much of a fight.
Well, one other time.
The best one, the most important one for me, was this dude...
We weren't even, like, fighting.
It's like he was this kid, like, they bust these black kids in from bad neighborhoods, Newton South High, and there was this one kid, and me and him, we used to look at each other, like, in the hallway, and, like, you know, he would stare at me, and I would stare at him, and nothing really happened, but then one day, we were in the locker room together, and I was passing him, he looked at me, and I don't remember what was said, but I remember the Dude grabbed me and hip-tossed me down to the ground.
Threw me on my back and held me down.
And he was thinking about punching me.
He was like holding me and he went like, nah, and just held me and then let me up.
Everything in high school was this shit, like, cross-hatching, pen, pencil, prisma colors.
And then, you know, I discovered spray paint, which was, like, the fucking, like, the best thing ever.
It's like, oh my god, I discovered the Matrix, you know?
and then acrylic and oil paint but what I discovered now after painting and drawing for years is that all those things I just said spray paint, oil, acrylic is you just even pencils like you draw something you create something and if you don't like it you just paint over it you just erase it and then the new thing that like I just that this is like like alchemy or like painting with with magic is the watercolor It's like the
medium in art that has, I'd probably say the least amount of respect, because it's like, oh, watercolor, you think of old ladies on Sunday.
Because you are, like, since I first did your show, I think the first time I ever did your show, I've never been on TV. You have a long career in TV, Fear Factor, the UFC stuff.
I've been on TV twice now.
I did Anthony Bourdain shows, Parts Unknown, and I did The News for HBO, for Vice HBO. Both shows that I've been on won Emmys.
It's like, everything I do doesn't have to be guns in buttholes.
You know, I can work within...
They're like, hey, do comedy, but don't cuss, and then I can do it.
But...
So, the two times I did TV, they're like, oh, Dave, those shows you won won Emmys, and so the floodgates sort of opened, and now I have all these people interested in doing shows with me, but they're...
Do you ever have this experience?
You know a lot of rich people and whatever.
I sit in boardrooms with CEOs and people that run these companies, and they're billionaires, and they run the world.
They have way more money than me.
They have way more power, fame, whatever.
And they're still not free men.
They're like, they answer to AOL, Disney, or I don't know, like, they go, yeah, like, you gotta take these four people.
I've done projects before where they've told me to take down my website.
Take down your message board.
I'm like, fuck you.
I'm not taking down shit.
Because if you want me to do that, you want me to compromise myself, it's going to start there and it's going to end up with me wearing a fucking suit, sitting behind a desk, talking to some idiot about a sitcom that I give two fucks about.
Doing a show like this, we can say anything we want, or we could talk about, oh, I want to make this movie and talk about the ideas, but this is making it happen.
I got tons of money and I like to do fun shit and I don't want to have a boss, but I want to be able to do cool projects.
I want to enjoy life.
I want to have adventures.
So, what do we need to do to hire a bunch of real good union cameramen to set up a real good production studio where we can edit video, hire legit people?
I don't want to deal with shit.
I just want to go do my stuff.
You handle all that, and you could do all that, and it could become profitable.
It's already censored But what you're doing on the on the internet is a wild wet like this podcast has no boss There's no one to tell us what we're gonna talk about we could do whatever we want, right?
And it's because it's on the internet you could do the same sort of thing and run into what I do Which is like hey Joe you're on like you know, whatever the network UFC is on or you know anytime you do TV stuff Do they ever go hey Joe?
I'm going to censor the podcast, and now I'm not going to have people like David showing...
He's a fucking loose cannon.
He's talking about Jackie Chan finger-banging people.
He's got AR-15s up girls' buttholes.
If I did that, I would fuck myself over.
And plus, I started doing this thing that I like as much as doing the UFC. I started doing these fight companion podcasts where we sit down and we watch the fights.
We put the fight up on there and we drink and we smoke weed and we watch the fights and just talk while the fights are going on.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my show and talking about fucking Jackie Chan finger blasting and whatever, but I love getting access to fucking go to the North Pole and interviewing the Norwegian Army General.
I like that stuff too.
And it's like...
Well, anytime I'm putting this...
I'm like you, man.
I'll never fucking bow down to anybody.
I don't give a fuck.
But at the same time, I don't have to do anything, you know?
And when you do a television show where they compromise you, hey, you gotta take down DVD ASA, or you gotta stop doing AR-15 up girls' butthole pictures.
You automatically, you get rid of the whole point of having fuck you money.
You can't say fuck you.
Who you are is this weird, unique artist dude who likes doing, you like pushing boundaries, you like being open about everything from prostitutes to sexual proclivities to overeating and diabetes, but that's you, man.
I don't worry about guys like you getting corrupted by the fucking grist for the mill, get stuck in the machine where they figured out, how can I make more money off of David Cho?
You know what they did with, here's a perfect example.
You know what they did with Dave Chappelle?
Dave Chappelle was doing the fucking Chappelle Show, which in my opinion is the greatest sketch show of all time.
When I made the fuck you money, I sat down and I have five guys that work with me now and I had a meeting and I said, the point of what we do, and it's never been, and especially now, is to not make money.
You know, I know I could sit here and talk to you about, like, should you turn into subscription-based or ads and this and that.
We've never had ads on my show, because I don't have to.
And it's like, it would be nice if we made stuff that did make money, but that is never...
You know, the last three years, like, everything I do just, like, hemorrhages and bleeds money.
But, you know, I can sell one painting and make that money back in one day.
And, you know, it's like...
People have had this discussion before when they're at 7-Eleven buying a Scratcher or Super Lotto ticket, and they're like, man, if I had $100 million, this is what I would do.
But it's like, in this country, and I don't want to go on a diatribe about greed or whatever, it's like, when is it enough?
So when you have people that are not creative people, they're certainly not responsible for his creative vision.
And they start interfering with it and trying to monetize it.
That's when it becomes a problem.
When it isn't a problem is when you...
Who is the artist is in complete control, like a podcast, like your DVD ASA podcast, or like Hong Dynasty or any of this other shit you do, like all of your paintings.
No one's standing over you and go, Dave, stop painting tits.
You're painting vagina.
You're making women objects.
You're doing this.
You're doing that.
You can't be you if that's happening.
And look, maybe some people are going to criticize you.
And maybe you'll take that criticism to heart, and it'll change your opinion about things, which is totally honest and fine.
If someone says, you know, hey Dave, I'm tired of you painting, blah, blah, blah.
And then you go, you know what, I don't want anybody to feel bad.
I'm just trying to express myself.
Maybe I wasn't looking at it from their point of view.
And then you could sort of alter your point of view.
There's nothing negative about that.
It's part of developing, maturing, growing, taking in all sorts of different influences.
It's part of being a human being.
But there's a big difference between that and doing it only for money.
And that's what happens when you get attached to a network.
And it's not their fault.
It's just what they do.
But it's why.
Like, I've never talked to anybody about selling this thing.
I would never sell this thing.
This is just...
We started this out, Brian and I... It would go bad the day that happened.
If I have it in an art gallery, I don't go to art galleries.
The spectrum of media is like this, right?
At the top is network television, blockbuster Hollywood movies, and then video games, or maybe video games is at the top, and then it's like You know music and then you know books comic books and at the very bottom is art right so at the very top There's the most censorship.
There's the most like people with their people involved You can't say this you can't do that dolphin tail to right and at the very bottom is His art where I can Paint anything and no one cares and it's not literal.
And you draw this thing and it means whatever it means.
To me it means this, to you it means that.
There's very little chances of you becoming a fucking billionaire drawing comic books, but you get to say, what dollar can you put on freedom like that?
But now, because this weird anomaly of where I did make all this money doing art, the floodgates have opened for me to do all types of entertainment, and not to sound too...
Artsy or whatever, I look at everything I do as art.
I look at my podcast, my TV stuff.
I bring that level of expression and freedom to it, and then it just is not translating well with the higher-ups, I guess.
And it's like, hey, you can do whatever you want over here, but don't...
I mean, this all comes down to other people influencing your creative vision.
And you can't ever let that happen.
Because your creative vision is what makes you unique.
You know, when I talked about being an artist or wanting to be an artist in high school and having this bad art teacher...
I mean, I honestly do feel bad for the dude, because he was really frumpy, and he had a gut, and his fucking posture was bad, and he just was a guy who just had no hope.
And what he said to me was like, I would draw all this stuff, and he was like, you gotta do, like, you're gonna have to draw things that you don't wanna draw.
And I said, why?
And he said, because you're gonna have to make a living.
So if you're going to have to make a living, maybe you're going to work for, this is the thing, the example to use, you're going to have to draw babies for a diaper commercial.
And I was like, but I want to be a comic book artist.
And he's like, but you may not make it as a comic book artist.
I was like, oh, fuck this.
So my senior year, I didn't even take art.
I was one of the best artists in his class.
There was me, this guy, I think his name was John DeVore, he was really good, and this guy, Kevin, who was also really good.
These three guys, and we all used to draw the same style stuff.
When I got out of high school, I went to art school for a year or two, and then I dropped out.
And I was just like, how am I going to make a living doing this?
And I got all my best drawings, and I went to...
I think it was CalArts.
It's like an open call, and it's like every single animation studio, every single advertising agency.
And I got there, and it's all these fucking kids with all their art, and there's really long lines to talk to a guy that has a pencil behind his ear and goes...
Work on this yeah work on this and I was like fuck this and so I was like I'm not even gonna wait in this line so I went I went to go take a piss and I saw one of the advertising guys get up and I followed him to the bathroom and I said and I pulled one of those while his dick's out I'm like hey look at look at this crosshatch penis look at this and he's like hey you can't wait in line like everyone else I'm like dude I'm please and he like looked over he's like hey that's pretty good and so he's got his dick out and And I go, hey, nice fat dick, dude.
No, he gives me his card and he goes, you're fucking dope, man.
You should come to my office in Beverly Hills.
And I was like either 20 or 21 and I was like, yes!
And it's one of the biggest advertising agencies in LA. I show up there like with a tie on and everything.
And as I walk down the hallway, it's like every movie poster.
I'm fucking like young and I'm gonna make a living drawing like this is fucking crazy So I think Back then I don't know how it is now.
They would have all these artists draw in the style.
I forgot Drew Struzan that's that Star Wars They got painted all Star Wars These guys all draw that same style and you draw The movie poster, and then they give that to the photographer, and then the photographer, because, you know, there's no art in movie posters now.
The next one was a Sandra Bullock movie where she's an alcoholic.
28 days or something.
You know that that whole like hey, I'm somewhat part of showbiz and I'm working and I'm making the good money I walked into the guy's office less than a month in I said Like thank you for this like I appreciate it like this.
I learned so much I Can't do it.
He's like, what are you talking about?
Like you you see that line you see how many people would die?
He's like Dave and he closes the doors like I'm gonna tell you something You remind me of me like 20 years ago the fucking crazy hair you got like that fucking punk rock attitude and If you stay here and you do what I tell you, you could be running this fucking place in like 20 years.
And I was like, you know, he gave me a nice ego boost.
I had just spent the entire day training my hand to draw in the Drew Struzan style of Chris O'Donnell.
I get home and I want to do my shit and I'm like oh fuck that butthole looks like Chris O'Donnell's face.
You know?
So I tell the guy I go hey look I can't believe this great opportunity you gave me but I'm gonna have to regretfully decline this thing and he goes What are you gonna do, Dave?
When you're at that age, like the Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, young person, and you're learning your Picasso, whatever, you're learning your techniques and just getting all that stuff down.
So when I see Hitler's art and I see these landscapes and just I'm like, dude, if you went as hardcore in your art as you did with killing people, maybe you would have never become a, you know?
You have your show where you get drunk and you critique UFC fights.
You have this show.
You have all these forms of expression.
You have stand-up comedy every night.
Do you think art is the best...
Not for monetizing reasons or fans or whatever, just...
When I draw something, and I don't have to write literally, and I just go, wow, and that fucking brushstroke captures exactly what's going on.
Isn't that the best feeling?
I don't know what's going on in that Kevorkian shit, but that guy must have had so much shit that that release of painting shit like that is just so therapeutic to me.
Yeah, there's definitely something beautiful about creating something, because you know that it didn't exist before you put your attention to it.
You put your attention to that piece of paper or that piece of clay or whatever you're creating, and you made something out of it, and it existed because you put your attention to it.
And whatever it is inside of you, whatever creativity is...
It's like you're God creating something out of nothing, you know?
Like, there's nothing here and you create it.
And then, like, just not to harp on it or sound, you know, it's just with the young people, you know, because I'm sure young people talk to you all the time.
And I don't want to sound delusional saying, oh, it's easy for you or guys like Joe, but...
The saddest thing is when you enslave yourself at such a young age and throw yourself into...
Like, yes, there's people that need to be parking meter cops.
There's people that need to work at ad agencies or whatever.
I'm sure you have a lot of people that are your fans.
They go, you did it and you're my idol and I worship you and this and that.
And so you did it, so that makes me feel like I can do it.
And my whole thing with that is Like the whole like follow your dreams definitely follow your dreams, you know like definitely go for like your dreams and everything but Like what gets my dick really hard is like when I'm at IHOP and the guy takes my pancake order and He's like,
you know, we have three new different syrups for that and like if you do this That's a better combo and he knows his job and he runs to get me the syrup And I'm like this guy maybe doesn't want to be IHOP waiter for his whole life, but the time he's here and He's passionate about it.
He's bringing all of his energy to it, and then if IHOP waiter isn't ultimately what he ends up doing, he's gonna bring that, you know?
It's like, just...
I like it.
Try to do...
Not everyone's gonna be the best artist.
Not everyone's gonna be the best...
Actor.
So when your dreams get crushed, be fucking awesome at your job, even if it's not what you wanted to do.
I think about chefs a lot now, because I'm friends with a lot of celebrity chefs.
That's not a fucking...
You're a servant.
You make food for people.
That's not a glamorous thing, which my friends like David Chang and Bourdain...
Because they took a shitty job where it's like, fuck, I gotta stand on my feet and wear these weird clog shoes all day and all these, eh, this is too salty and take it back.
It's like a shitty job.
You're like a servant, but...
They took that job and they made it glamorous.
They fucking brought their fucking rock star passion energy to it.
And now it's like, you know, I went to a chef convention, this thing, Mad Symposium in Copenhagen.
And I mean, there's guys with like knife tattoos and weird facial piercings.
And I'm like, is this like a rock star convention or something?
Yeah, guys like Bourdain brought it to your attention and so now it's like you meet kids that are like, I want to be a chef when I grow up and it's like that.
And I was like, I got filmed with so much emotion.
I was like, you know, I'm just going to hide this money.
And I just threw it and I hit it around, you know, in shitty areas.
And I just put up a tweet.
I said, hey, I just hit 10,000 in Detroit.
And it's like...
I heard about a guy doing that in San Francisco, and he's like, hey, if you find it, tweet it, and it's like this big social media experience.
I'm like, I'm not doing a social media experience.
I'm just like, hey, I'm fucking hiding money, and then I just walk around the block, and I tell all the homeless people, hey, I just threw 10 grand if you guys want to look for it.
The house that I live in is actually half the size of this room, and I've lived there for 15 years, and it's just people don't understand it because they're like, you could live in a fucking mansion and have your own island and whatever, and I'm like, yeah, but I don't care.
So I haven't gambled since I went to rehab for gambling and had my heart attack and all that stuff.
And what they had done with the limits, because in Vegas the most you can bet on certain things is like 25,000 a hand on blackjack or whatever, is they raised it for me because they knew how much money I was worth, and I could bet a quarter million a hand on blackjack.
So, you know, it could go pretty quickly.
I mean, the shift's like, oh, I just won 10 million.
Like, the height of my Vegas experience was, like, staying at the penthouse in every single casino, like all the high roller casinos, a harem of whores in each one, and just going downstairs and, like, winning 5 million here, going to, like, the next one, going upstairs, fucking, like, 10 girls in a row, going downstairs, winning 10 grand.
This is a text message between me and a billionaire.
Okay.
At some point, I just stopped selling my paintings.
I was like, I just either give them to free to my friends, or you can look at it for free on Instagram, or you can buy my books that are cheap, or you can go out and look at the murals I did.
I'm not on this planet to make really expensive art for rich people, you know?
Alright, well first of all, because I do the news, For Vice.
And to see if I interview a Norwegian general or something and he says something, we fact check it.
We fact check the fact and it's like, oh, okay.
And then it's like, we're presenting ourselves as news people.
It has to be accurate.
Now, people who just like some, I don't know, like the TMZ, Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton type of shit where it's like, we heard this and then they just, it's all like, this guy's a piece of shit and it's just all gossip, rumor stuff.
I'm not even trying to defend myself.
I totally fucked up on that end.
Your shit is live, my shit is not live.
When I record a show, I record usually five to six hours, three shows back to back, because we're not around a lot.
Well, yeah, we did two a week for a year and a half, and then it's like...
Hey, the show...
I don't know, like, I know the first time I came on your show, you're like, I don't like to talk about my wife or my family, this and that, and, like, that's where you draw the line.
My thing is I don't have a line.
Like, I'll talk about anything.
And I noticed that...
I started to, like, in true artist form, be extremely self-destructive.
Forget about, like, talking about heads of companies and this and that.
It's like...
Wow, I'm really like, oh my god, this girl that I just met won't fuck me.
Oh, I heard you say horrible stuff about this and that.
I'm throwing myself under the bus constantly with my own show.
And that was the one time where I was like, man, these guys aren't listening.
So I exaggerated a little.
All the bad shit that happened to me, I deserved it.
I never should have...
Told the story the way I told it.
I should have never, like, whatever.
Anyways, I'm like, whatever.
I'm not a rapist.
And it's like, well, that's what all rapists say.
I'm not a fucking rapist.
And then people started bumping me in with Terry Richardson.
I'm like, nobody came out of the woodwork because I don't fucking treat people like that, you know?
And it's like, oh, he face fucked her.
I'm like...
The number one thing, because I have been in prison five times, is because of growing up with these movies, American Me, whatever, whenever I go to jail, I'm like, I'm not black, I'm not white, I'm the minority in prison.
Someone's going to try to rape me, you know?
So then I think...
Would you rather get fucked in your mouth or your ass?
You know, like those kind of questions.
And yeah, I've been to prison five times.
No one's ever tried to, I don't know, really try to fuck my ass or face fuck me.
But the show ended and my manager comes in and goes, do you ever listen to your own show?
I go, no.
He goes, that was the worst sounding shit.
He goes, I know you.
You sort of exaggerated and told that story weird.
You should just cut that out.
I'm like, well, then I would be a hypocrite.
Just put it out.
No one gives a shit anyways.
Then, you know, like all these blog gossiping bullshit and they blow it out of proportion and I'm like...
Wow, the show that I created in the first place, like, what happened was, when all this Facebook shit happened, I went on Howard Stern where I talked for two hours unedited, right?
And it was live.
Then I went on Barbara Walters and she butchered my thing and just took out like tidbits of...
First of all, can I just say during that whole thing, Joe is like the only one of my celebrity buddies that called me and was like, he was a good friend.
First of all, I don't know if you raped somebody, but I don't think you ever would.
I could be wrong, obviously you could be wrong, but I listened to your explanation of it, and I know what it's like when you're doing a podcast, because Sometimes you're just trying to be entertaining.
I've seen people exaggerate stories.
I've been on podcasts before where people have told stories that I know what really happened, and they're trying to make it better by adding a little to it.
Yeah, if you and me went through some crazy shit and we were like, let's talk about it without getting that guy in trouble, then we have to change some details.
It's like I have a lot of porn friends and I have a lot of disturbed Yoshi like a lot of disturbed people and so when we fuck with each other, you know, and you know comedians and like like You start to forget that there's normal people out there Yeah, you're like, oh wow like that like, you know me and my friends when we get together horrible like I told you about Steve Lee and Bill Poon doing the Macau Brothers.
So Steve's the lead singer of my band now.
I started a band called Monchi with Money Mark from the Beastie Boys.
Steve never gets laid.
He fucks a pocket pussy every night, right?
And so...
I say, hey, dude, if something happens with our band, you're the lead singer.
You're going to start getting laid all the time, and you put pussy way up on a pedestal.
He gets so distracted if a girl likes one of his photos on Instagram.
He's like, Dave, look at her.
And I go, hey, you've got to concentrate on learning these lyrics.
Get into this shit.
So I said, you know what?
I'm gonna take you to Vegas.
We're gonna have an old-school...
Like, when I was in the height of my gambling, we're gonna have an old-school orgy, and you're gonna fuck non-stop.
And he's like, oh wow, I've never had a threesome before.
I go, there's another one coming.
So he had like one threesome after the next.
And I'm on the bed just filming it for him because I'm like...
I'm like, dude, you'll want to watch this later.
I'm like, every time you think like, oh, like this girl, whatever, like, just remember you getting one ball in her mouth, one ball in this other chick's mouth.
And you ever see, this is a little bit off topic, but you ever see that Seinfeld where the guy converts to Judaism so he could tell Jew jokes?
So I'm sitting on the bed filming Steve get his dick sucked by two women, and one of them stops and he starts fucking one chick.
And she's like, look at his butt, it's so cute.
I go, yeah, Steve's got a really cute butt.
And she goes, should I stick my finger in it?
And I go, yeah, go for it.
And he goes, no, no, don't do it, exit only.
But he's still fucking the girl.
So she goes, she spits a loogie in his ass, and I go, I'm going to stick my finger in his ass.
I come back, I tell people this shit, and then we find out that Bill, who fucked like 30 hookers, he's 53, he can't come.
I go, what do you mean?
He goes, I don't use my hands, and I wear women's underwear, and I use the tightness of the band around my boner, and I twerk back and forth until I come, and I go...
What the fuck are you talking about?
So then we made another TV show that we haven't filmed yet, which is, I go, wait, so when you fuck hookers?
Yeah.
I go, that doesn't feel good to you?
He goes, no.
I go, then why, come then, why don't you come?
He goes, and so I go, your thing is psychological.
What is it?
And I go, is it something where you feel like the girl doesn't deserve your cum or something?
So I made a whole new TV show for him called Girlfriend Experience, and I'm sending him to Colombia, and I paid a model that looks like Sofia Vergara.
Bill, if you're listening, not the most attractive guy, like a...
Short, like, very fat, nerdy-looking Asian guy with a girl...
Like, basically, I told a girl, you can't ever talk about money.
You have to trick him and pretend like you're his girlfriend for 30 days and then see if he finally comes.
So it's like a whole TV show.
If you fuck 30 hookers and you don't...
Basically...
Sorry.
That's my life now.
So that feels normal.
So when I talk about this shit with you or my friends, it's like, whatever, that's weird.
We just talked about an Asian guy that twerks in women's panties to come.
And then you're like, oh, wait, maybe this isn't polite dinner conversation.
Maybe, like, my worldview's a little bit skewed and it's a little...
You know, it's like...
You know?
It's like...
You know, I'm not the best person to bring to, like, a dinner party with wives and stuff.
Right, so it's like, I don't know, and you've been on our show, it's like when you go in the room and the doors close and then everyone just starts fucking, you just like, you forget that another world exists, you know?
You assume that the people that get it, like on my message board, my message board is like this ridiculous message board, and some of the subjects are just so...
But everybody kind of understands the tone of the board, so they'll say something really fucked up, and if it was on any other message board, people might read it and go, what the fuck did this guy just say?
It's like, oh, is Dave full of shit or this and this and this?
So, like I said, during the height of that, like, crazy Vegas era, I would be going to Vegas all the time with, like, a hundred grand, a million dollars in, like, a pillowcase in my backpack.
I'm cleaning my room for the first time in seven years since I lived in my hoarder's nest.
It's just filthy.
I find a shoebox, and I'm like, oh, $100,000 from the Vegas era.
And I go, fuck.
You know, Critter...
I don't want to get into how much shit he does for me, but I sat here tearing him down about what a horrible personal trainer.
He does...
Shit that like I can't even talk about here.
That's like the he's the he's my Lime shovels.
Yeah, so I just I just gave him this I was like you take this cuz you're the fucking man.
He's like I don't want your dirty money He's like I don't I don't get I'm not I'm not a whore like I'm not gonna get paid for the whatever so I was like Let's do it for all the people that go if I was I know a hundred thousand dollars isn't a like Million dollars, but it's like...
It's not like some weird, like, oh, fill out this form and we take half, or...
I'm just going to give it to you, but you have to go around the United States, and you've got to do all...
Right.
Critter put all these clues in place, and immediately they're like, well, we're not rich like you.
I go, I've traveled around the United States for nothing, and they're like, oh, well, we have lives, we have jobs.
I go, it's $100,000.
That's why you would do it.
And with all this shit, they're like, we never even know if this guy's serious or not, so I'm putting $100,000 up in this Critter's cross-country cash contest scavenger hunt.
First of all, you have great fans, because every time I do your show, I go outside, I go to the supermarket.
They're like, who do you want, Joe?
And they're so nice.
Our fans are fucking great, too, but then there's that handful of...
If I talk about something, then they'll definitely go out of their way to, like...
Like, if I try to, like, mask the girl that I'm talking about without giving away her identity, they'll put the clues together, figure out who it is, call her and be like, hey, Dave said horrible shit about you.
Like, I don't watch a lot of television, but, like, you know how there's, like...
All this reality TV, the Kardashians and all this shit, the Housewives, and people are like, I hate this show, but I can't stop watching.
I really feel like there's people that hate me, that watch everything I do.
I could be wrong about this.
I get excited, and I'm like, cool, I have a show where I can talk about anything.
I talk about it, and then I find out...
We did a couple episodes in Big Bear, and I was like, cool, we're doing shows in Big Bear.
While we're doing the shows in Big Bear, because we said that, someone went online, found out the address of the thing, blasted it on the line, wrote the manager and said, hey, there's a disgusting porn star and a fucking rapist artist there doing, you know, and the landlord calls us and he's like, hey, like, what's the, like, we're trying to have this, like, we spent a million dollars building this, like, nice resort honeymoon Big Bear Ranch and you guys are turning it into what?
You're always going to get a certain amount of them.
I try.
One of the reasons why, I mean, I assume one of the reasons why the people that like this show are so nice, my fans are so nice, is because I'm a nice person.
You could be a guy like Brock Lesnar, and somewhere out there, there's this badass dude with brown pride tattooed on his chest who just beats the shit out of you.
Look, when I... Like, the stand-up thing that I threw up on Vidme, it's like the first time I tried it.
Like, you could see I'm shaky.
I'm trying to find words.
Like, I... Broadcasting, I don't know how many episodes you're up now, like 600 or something?
And you've been on TV. I've been a quiet guy drawing werewolves my whole life, and I've just started to do this shit.
I'm trying to figure out who I am.
I'm trying to, you know, I'm...
I'm learning.
And I don't mind people judging me as I learn.
And I know that's going to happen with the haters and stuff.
But it's like, look, if you want to hate on me, go ahead.
I'm like, I'm sorry if it didn't turn out exactly the way you wanted.
I'm sorry if I offended you.
Actually, I'm not.
I'm not sorry if I offended you.
But it's just like, you know, I'm learning.
I have my heroes, like Stern and whoever growing up.
It's like...
There's a little bit of emulation, but then there's also like I want to be my own person So I'm trying, you know, I'm trying to figure out my voice and in the meantime like yeah, I'm falling I'm failing here.
So I hopefully I'm learning from this experience was also the There's an I don't know if there's an art or a skill to being the public eye and expressing yourself because I have not mastered that yet There's shit that we all do, and I know, you know, you hang around with guys that I know, like Bobby, who's fucking crazy.
Bobby Lee's crazy.
And there's shit that Bobby and I have done just hanging out at the Comedy Store to make each other laugh.
Well, Bobby said, like, ridiculously dark, fucked up shit to me, and I'll howl laughing.
I know he's not being honest, but if anybody else came along and didn't know Bobby and heard him say that, It could be misconstrued.
And when you're broadcasting it to the whole world, you're inviting a bunch of people who don't know you as a human.
I said, look, man, instead of, like you said, like, that definitely crossed my mind.
I was like, I'm just going to hire someone.
We're not live.
We're delusional.
We say dark shit.
At the end of the episode, have a lawyer go, hey, you guys went too far.
I'm like, good.
That always makes me feel good.
I'm 38 years old.
I just started a punk band with Steve Lee and whatever.
My dad heard it, and he's like, I've never been more embarrassed of you in my life.
Because I have a Korean song where I was like, Bangu-moke-a-lay?
Bangu-moke-a-lay?
It's like, you want to eat my fart?
You want to eat my fart?
He's like...
You're a grown man.
You're a grown man and you just did...
Like, that is so disgraceful to my country.
You're my son.
And he's like, I'm begging you.
I'm a fucking grown man.
He's like, I'm begging you as your father.
Take that song down.
And I'm like, yes.
Yes, I did something right.
You know, it's like...
So, instead of having a guy pay to be like, take this episode down or edit this thing, I'm like, let's just broadcast live from a fucking insane asylum.
You're a talented artist that got some crazy break where you illustrated the Facebook offices, they gave you a shit I'm not going to deny that the Facebook thing was a crazy break, but I've made millions of dollars in everything I've ever wanted to do, and so it's like, did I get a crazy break over and over again, or did I just bust my ass and just fucking go for it?
The difference with the Facebook thing in my life before was nobody knew how much money I had.
So when they went to my hoarder's house, like I had millions already.
I already sold out a million dollar art show in London.
I had millions from gambling.
And like but nobody knew right and I was like so I can still like that's the best right the best combo you get to live a normal life But you're fucking rich as shit and then so you were rich before the Facebook shit even went down I didn't have hundreds of millions But I had a few million and I was like cool.
That's more than I ever thought I would make right I'm selling paintings for a couple hundred grand like it was awesome I go to Vegas and win a hundred grand it was like it was a very good life but now it's like You know, if I go...
It's like, first of all, everyone thinks I'm hiding cash.
I'm like, I already learned from the Detroit thing.
I'm not hiding cash.
I'm just going to give it to you.
I'm hiding clues, which is a red dot that Critter spray painted at nearby the place.
You go there, you take a selfie of yourself in front of the clue with a current newspaper.
And then the first 10 people, they get the points.
And at the end, whoever has the most points.
And right now, like I said, there's only like 10 people playing and it's like the points are scattered.
So it's like anyone's game.
And I'm going to announce the winner on Halloween, and on November 2nd, I'm just going to On November 2nd, two years ago, this is what happened.
Did you ever do an AMA on Reddit?
Yes.
I didn't even know what Reddit was, and everyone's like, it's the front page of the internet.
I go, okay, so what does that mean?
And they're like, you upvote, and I learned what Reddit was.
So I said, I'm going to do an AMA. I'm like, hey everyone, I'm David Cho.
I'm an artist.
I used to be a thief.
I'm a gambler.
I won all this Facebook money.
Ask me anything.
I answered everyone's questions for 24 hours straight with live video response with a cast of 200 of my friends and actors and midgets and porn stars and chefs and everyone I knew.
And everyone was like, what just happened?
It would be a kid like, hey Dave, what's your favorite place to eat?
I don't know, let me ask Anthony Bourdain.
And he'd be like, what the fuck?
So they knew that it was live.
I'd go, I don't know, dickface372?
And they were like, Oh my god, he's talking to me, you know?
So, the next day, people started going, fuck, did you see this motherfucker blew up the internet yesterday?
Everything got taken down.
Everything on YouTube, everything on Vimeo, everything on Livewire, everything on RedTube.
I don't know if it's haters over there, but it's like...
And then they...
For, like, two years, they made my name, like, unsearchable on Vimeo.
Like, if you typed in my name, like, any, like, art video or anything I've done...
So I was like...
I started getting paranoid and whatever so then that's why I love like vid me whatever like I sound like I'm doing a huge commercial for them But like I love them because you could do whatever I want so this year I'm gonna do a fucking live podcast at midnight starting November 2nd for three hours Then I'm gonna go on reddit and I'm gonna answer everyone's questions same style with like Hundreds of my friends of actors fucking famous people porn stars everything for 14 hours straight Then I'm gonna fucking
have a live event where my band plays and we're gonna fucking have a huge party.
And then at midnight, I'm gonna fucking, or close to midnight, like at nine, I'll do another three-hour live podcast and then I'm gonna give this fucking money to somebody.
You know, you and me could talk about like, oh, you should eat kale and this and that, but it's like, I know at the end of the day what I'm really going to do.
And so if I sit here and go, hey, Dave, forget all this fucking bullshit you've talked up until now, your podcast, TV bullshit, you're an artist, okay?
So let's talk real talk about you being an artist.
How much have you actually painted in the last 10 years?
Not that much.
Okay, let's look at your entire life.
When have you painted the most?
When I was in jail in Japan, when I was in a cold, miserable place in China with no internet, no cell service.
So the combining factors of all these places is that it was always cold, no internet, and no cell service, and no one else around.
So isolation, cold, and miserable.
And Just that's what it takes now, because I am an easily distracted, addictive person, so I do have a lot of options for pussy that I never had before.
I do have all these things, and it's...
Why do...
Joe's cross-hatching of a werewolf, that takes a long time.
And I have it in my head, oh man, I want to paint this thing.
There's going to be a million little people, and I get this crazy tripped out idea.
It's going to take me like a week to draw that, the way I want to draw it.
And then there's a Playboy model that wants to suck my left ball, and a penthouse model that wants to suck my right ball.
And I'm like, hmm, tough decision.
It's like...
Wait, that's what, you know, drawing my whole life was the only thing that brought me attention, and now I have everyone's attention, so let me fuck the whole world.
I believe you can make really good art if you're well-adjusted and you're happy and whatever, but I'm talking about the great shit that transcends time and whatever.
Those people are suicidal, miserable fucks.
And speaking just for me, because I know my best stuff always came from Rejection, hatred, getting dumped, living in miserable conditions.
There's nothing about living in a 20-story or 20-bedroom fucking mansion in Beverly Hills with pools and Playboy models hanging around.
I'm not trying to change your opinion, but what I'm trying to say is you love a lot of different things, but you definitely have a self-destructive streak, but I don't...
When I was a kid and I was doing stand-up, when I first started doing stand-up, one of the things that I thought is, man, I don't ever want to get enlightened.
Because if I get enlightened, it's going to fuck up my comedy.
Because my favorite comedy was always Sam Kinison and Richard Pryor, Troubled People, Dirty People.
And I was always thinking, man, you can never achieve a certain amount of enlightenment because then you'll never be able to do the great comedy.
Yeah, and Asa said exactly the same thing you said right now.
She's like...
People try to make me feel bad for being a porn star.
She's like, I love fucking, I love sex.
And then I've offered her, I was like, you know, because we have dark spots in our past, like I think, like there's a huge age gap where I don't remember where I'm like, is that why I'm so fucked up?
Did I get raped or molested or whatever?
And she has the same thing.
So I go do lots of...
Rich white people, kind of enlightening wellness camps and shit like that where I'm always the only Asian guy and the youngest guy there.
And I said to her, I was like, hey, if you ever want to do that stuff, I'll pay for your therapy and this and that.
And she's like, I don't want to go and then learn something and become enlightened and then find out that I actually hate myself and hate porn.
Well, I'll tell you right now, a lot of people is really disappointed.
My friends and people close to me, they're like, I'm so sad.
And they're...
I only fuck hookers now.
Like, I don't, like, I've given up, like, I don't even want to say given up because I am adaptive and this could, what I'm telling you right now could change tomorrow.
But as of right now, I am working on animation, TV shows, my podcast, painting, working on my next book.
It's like, there's no time in there for a real relationship for kids.
I can afford, like, when you say, why don't you just buy the best trainer, the best nutritionist?
I go, guess what?
I'm paying for the best Pussy.
You gotta pay for it.
I go, yeah, I'm rich.
Yeah, but they don't love you.
I go, you could have fooled me.
The way these women suck my dick.
The woman who sucks my dick that's in love with me, that wants to have my children.
When you give a woman fucking $2,000 and she needs it, And she knows if she sucks it really good that there's $2,000 coming the next week, she's sucking it like she's in love with you.
Like that dick is her lifeline.
And it feels pretty good.
And guess what?
And you've heard this before.
You're not paying them for that.
You're paying them to leave.
So I get my dick sucked.
Amazingly, like, the chick is in her honeymoon phase.
Like, the fucking veins on my dick are like a lifeline UV into her system.
Then she leaves, and I spend all night writing, drawing, creating.
Is part of what makes you enjoy your life the fact that you Reject these other people's expectations and their definitions of you, and you get to live free on your own, and you're proving that you're successful.
It's like, they probably have it in every culture, their own version of it, but in Korean, it's called Han, and it's like, it's like genetic.
It's like, you're just, like, I have a friend who has adopted a Korean son, and he has his own kid, and he goes, my normal kid is just, you know, because he's rich, he's like, all my kids have everything they could ever want, but this Korean one, He just wakes up with a scowl on his face every morning.
The other thing about him is that I've never met more people like as a group that are more dedicated to hard work and like If you don't work hard if you're not miserable from working hard all the time, right?
You feel like a piece of shit, right?
Like I had a friend.
He was on the national my friend junk sick junk sick Chang Yeah, he was he was a national taekwondo champion and at the same time He was going through his fucking residency the medical residency this guy was always tired This is how I would see him like this Always tired, and then he would just fucking work out really hard, and then be exhausted.
He would be at school, and he was training, so he would be studying all day, and then he would run upstairs.
He'd run up the flights of stairs at the university.
He was constantly tired, constantly miserable, but he felt like if he didn't live like that, he couldn't be happy.
Yeah, and so I'm like, when I see the black guys on the corner hit on every single girl, they're like, hey, what's up?
And I'm like, dude, does that really work?
And they're like, no, but the one time it works out of 100, it's worth it, you know?
So when I was thinking about doing stand-up or whatever, I'm like, Okay, so if I bomb, like, the worst, like, boo, you suck, and they throw oranges, or I don't know what they throw.
If I'm humiliated, I'm like, oh, I tried it, I sucked, so I just was like, fuck it, I'm gonna go for it, and I was like, I don't want to act, I know I'm talking to college students, so I'll try to, like, stay on college topics and how dumb it is, but, um, Yeah.
I need the audience to get ready for when I get on stage like I don't want you up there doing some weird artsy fucking fake rape shit or whatever like I need a real comedian and I go fuck you dude fuck you you're such a piece of shit and um and he goes and you know it was last minute he couldn't find anyone and I said hey hey fuckface guess what I've seen your stand up ten times I have your act memorized I'm gonna do your exact act before you gotta go what the fuck are you gonna do about it and his face changes he goes Because I thought he thought,
that's me being delusional.
I thought he thought it would be funny.
He's like, don't do that, Dave.
I go, he goes, that's like me going to your, like if I had an art show, or if you had an art show and I had like the counterfeit of that right next door, I'm like, cool, then I would just paint something else.
Like you as a real comedian, if I just sabotage your whole act, should be able to go up there and talk about weird Hawaiian shit or like anything, you know, because he's funny enough.
And that's me being a weird guy, like trying to push him.
And he's like, please don't do that.
And I'm like, I'm not going to do that, you asshole.
So I go up and he's just like, can you do it?
Can you do 10 minutes?
I'm like, dude, I did two hours at UCLA without fucking any notes or anything.
And they had to kick me off the stage.
I could have gone four hours.
And I hear those like Chappelle and those guys do like the 14 hour.
He told some stories on a podcast about going down to Mexico in the middle of filming Mad TV. He would leave the set, go down to Mexico, do drugs, he was carrying a fucking kitchen knife, get hookers, come back, Gacked out of his fucking mind, holding on to the knife, just completely wired to the gills, like at Mad TV with a giant knife on him.
He's just so fucking crazy.
But yeah, the same kind of rebellion against this ultra-suppressive childhood.