Oct. 10, 2014 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:15:04
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day! | |
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night! | ||
| All day! | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, my friends, honey, honey, Ben, Suzanne, you're back. | ||
| What's up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's up, guys? | |
| Man, it's so weird without the ads. | ||
| Yeah, it's better that way. | ||
| We smoosh them in later. | ||
| We're boring people. | ||
| You have to sit there and listen in five minutes. | ||
| I like hearing about the dick pills. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it still dick pills, Suzanne? | |
| No, no, no, no flashlights. | ||
| It's been a while. | ||
| Our first... | ||
| Our first podcast with you, you had dick pills, I'm pretty sure, and Red Band took one. | ||
| You were talking about having a boner for like six hours. | ||
| No, that was totally unrelated. | ||
| He was getting some shit at gas stations. | ||
| We weren't selling that. | ||
| That was the beginning of a bad addiction, though. | ||
| I went deep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was it? | |
| There's no sponsorship involved for that. | ||
| No, it's just Mexican Viagra where they take Viagra and mix it with acorns and call it a supplement. | ||
| You're not supposed to. | ||
| You don't know what you're eating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did it work? | |
| Oh, it worked. | ||
| What it is, is like, if you would buy, Aubrey explained it to us, the hustle. | ||
| If you would buy, like, you know, super rocket pills at the gas station, and it says guaranteed erection and all this jazz, they're just selling you Viagra, but they're doing it without a prescription. | ||
| And so they're just putting Viagra in these pills and then saying, oh, this is our super secret supplement. | ||
| And when people find out it works, they buy the shit out of it. | ||
| It's a way to buy Viagra without a prescription. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that legal? | |
| Well, how does it work? | ||
| It's not, but the fines are very low. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And who's regulating that? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Well, the FDA... The boner police? | ||
| They regulate it if they find out that it's actually Viagra, but a lot of times they don't find out. | ||
| There's a million different names, and apparently they get a small fine. | ||
| What Aubrey said is some of the companies will change their name and then restart up under a different name and do the same fucking shit. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Ben, what are we doing playing music? | ||
| We should be getting boners for God's sake. | ||
| Brian, I have a question. | ||
| They just change a name. | ||
| Do you just take it and then... | ||
| No. | ||
| Some of them times it doesn't work. | ||
| It's kind of like mushrooms where it's based on what you eat, I find. | ||
| Isn't this never good, though? | ||
| That seems like a disintegrating motion. | ||
| You're doing like the knuckles blow up. | ||
| You guys don't do that? | ||
| Yours doesn't work like that? | ||
| Mine does not. | ||
| Now I'm getting sad. | ||
| I wish I had those extra effects. | ||
| Go to the gas station. | ||
| I was going to say, should we go to the convenience store and come back? | ||
| Apparently some of them at the gas station are just bullshit. | ||
| Some of them are just like some goofy herbs. | ||
| But how great of a placebo is that? | ||
| Maybe it just works anyway. | ||
| It could if you really think you got the super hard-on pills, the super Chinese Viagra. | ||
| Well, you just went global with it, and I was about to ask the question. | ||
| Isn't there a Chinese supplement where they're using rhinoceros horn, ground rhinoceros horn? | ||
| That's been a big fucking issue. | ||
| Yeah, I was at the airport the other day, and they had this big rhino photo that said, I am not medicine. | ||
| And it was talking about the use of rhino horns in some eastern medicines. | ||
| Yeah, there's some people that really believe it. | ||
| They believe it can bring good luck. | ||
| It can cure things. | ||
| It can cure cancer. | ||
| It's kind of amazing how you can set a trend, you know what I mean? | ||
| Well, obviously, that's a terrible trend, but it takes one person to be like, I ground up this rock I found in my backyard, and I'll give you some for 50 bucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was my childhood. | |
| They sell a Rhino 7, it's the best one. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's called Rhino 7. Look at the explosions. | |
| Look at the rhinos running through fire. | ||
| How bad would your life suck if you saw a rhino running through fire? | ||
| Could you imagine if you're in a forest fire and you're trapped and you're standing there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you talking about? | |
| I saw that last night. | ||
| And a rhino... | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| Do you have cleats on? | ||
| The rhino is running through this burst of fire. | ||
| That would be one of the worst things on Earth that you could ever see. | ||
| That's kind of how I imagine your life. | ||
| Honestly. | ||
| We had bear talk earlier with Joe. | ||
| Bear talk with Joe. | ||
| I got more questions, man. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What kind of questions? | ||
| Well, so you were telling us that it's a predator. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So it's in a different species of reaction in the sense of how it's perceiving everything around it. | ||
| Bears are omnivores. | ||
| Sometimes they'll ignore any game because they find a big patch of blueberries and they'll even ignore meat that's being left out. | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| They'll find a patch of blueberries on a hill and they'll just go to that. | ||
| Their sense of smell is incredible. | ||
| So they are super sensitive though. | ||
| If you're over there, they know you're there. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| They know you're there unless you're really far away. | ||
| You could be like 100 yards away or 200 yards away with the right wind. | ||
| They might not know you're there. | ||
| But if they're near you and there's no wind, most likely they know you're there. | ||
| If the wind is blowing towards them, they definitely know you're there. | ||
| They can just smell you. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Their sense of smell is way better than a dog's, and a dog's sense of smell is insanely better than a person's. | ||
| You know, it's really hard for them to measure what animals have the best sense of smell. | ||
| It's very difficult to really kind of quantify it, but what's even more difficult is us even imagining how good a dog's sense of smell is. | ||
| Because it's a totally different perception at that point, right? | ||
| They might be able to smell like fear. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And it's like seeing an infrared or something like that. | ||
| The world just opens up in a completely different way. | ||
| Is there like a fear pheromone that you emit? | ||
| I guess there must be, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's gotta be. | |
| I think there's weird shit that you smell when you're around people that you don't like. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Or people that freak you out, or people that might have bad intentions. | ||
| They have a weird smell. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I have a nose like a bloodhound. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Can you track bad guys? | ||
| I really can. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| So far, this room is okay. | ||
| Everybody's doing great. | ||
| Did you give Jamie a good sniff? | ||
| I did, Jamie. | ||
| You smell great. | ||
| You passed the test. | ||
| Yeah, I couldn't imagine, like, smelling everybody's farts, like, in a city. | ||
| Like, if you're at a mall. | ||
| That's a lot of farts. | ||
| Like, if you're a dog and you're at the mall. | ||
| I can imagine it, though. | ||
| You're in a sea of farts. | ||
| Yeah, but if you're a dog, you're eating shit, so you're into it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| You don't mind at all. | ||
| They don't have any cultural context. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have faith that they will evolve. | |
| And we will see it. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Look at Jumpy the dog. | ||
| I mean, he is way ahead of schedule. | ||
| Do you think dogs of today look back at the dogs of like 500 years ago and go, what about your fucking idiots chasing their tail? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You Neanderthals. | |
| Freaking out when they heard the first siren. | ||
| But they had their heroes that we don't even know about. | ||
| You remember that one dog? | ||
| The dog to save the guy? | ||
| The first one to bury the bone. | ||
| You know my friend Steve Rinello was telling me that they used to do shows where they would take a raft filled with animals and they would push them off of the big waterfall. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Niagara Falls? | ||
| Jesus, that's terrible. | ||
| People would pay to watch it. | ||
| They would stay on the sidelines. | ||
| And they would push a raft of animals off Niagara Falls to their death. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some early 1900s shit. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because people, you know, it was a show. | ||
| Like, people could see the show. | ||
| Like, they would pay to see. | ||
| So they would load this raft up with exotic animals that were freaking out, trying to figure out how to get off the raft, and then just send them over the top. | ||
| Sick sons of bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| How weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That doesn't sound even entertaining. | ||
| I'm depressed now. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's definitely not entertaining. | ||
| It's definitely disgusting. | ||
| It definitely should be illegal. | ||
| It definitely should be punished. | ||
| But if you were there while that raft is headed towards the apex... | ||
| Do you keep looking or do you go, I don't want no part of this? | ||
| That was like the primitive form of all the fucking Facebook shit of like, distractify. | ||
| It was like, let's just watch something absolutely asinine or horrifying because there's that shock factor. | ||
| But I feel like that's not too far off from watching dogfighting, even though there's gambling and betting involved. | ||
| But like, people that can handle that kind of thing, I think there's just like... | ||
| I think there's some sort of, I can't relate to this, but I think that there's some sort of innate primal instinct to want to see something terrible so it's more terrible than what you can experience in your everyday life. | ||
| Maybe feel better about it or something. | ||
| Or people are just sick and disgusting. | ||
| I think either or, right? | ||
| It doesn't have to be one or the other. | ||
| I mean, it could be both. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Like, that's for real? | ||
| Like, people actually really did that? | ||
| Like, that's not a joke? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| No, it was real. | ||
| It was like a show. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| People would pay to see it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were just talking about this earlier, actually. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you got? | |
| What are you pulling up? | ||
| We were just trying to find pictures of it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| We were just talking about this earlier. | ||
| Not sure if I want to see it. | ||
| About being sensitive, and I was telling Joe that there's some... | ||
| You guys were talking about being sensitive? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Being sensitive. | |
| That's what you were talking about. | ||
| I brought the feminine energy today. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| She does. | ||
| And whiskey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the whiskey. | |
| Feminine energy and the cure for the feminine energy. | ||
| Whiskey. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| But, you know, we were talking about TV and there's certain... | ||
| Whenever I'm witnessing, whether it's in a TV show or a movie or real life, some people really losing or people... | ||
| Just being absolutely terrible to one another, especially when someone is trying their best and they just get kicked when they're down. | ||
| That just guts me. | ||
| Because you're a genuinely nice person. | ||
| It crushes my soul. | ||
| You're a genuinely nice person who would never do that, so you see it and it drives you crazy. | ||
| One of the things that drives us crazy is the horrible things that we hope we never see in ourselves. | ||
| You know, like when we see something really pathetic, or horrible or mean or vicious, there's part of us that like... | ||
| knows it's evil and knows it's bad and people are being hurt and that part of us, without a doubt, is angry or upset at that situation. | ||
| But there's also a part of us that hopes that we're never like that. | ||
| I think that's part of what you see even when you see a murderer or we see someone whose life has gone totally out of control and off the rails and into the woods. | ||
| You just go, God, could that have been me? | ||
| That's one of the things that freaks you out the most. | ||
| It opens up the spectrum of what we're capable of. | ||
| You see some person who shows up at their job and just starts shooting people. | ||
| And you go, what brought her to do that? | ||
| It's usually not her. | ||
| I don't know why I said her. | ||
| Has it ever been her? | ||
| Is there ever been a woman mass shooter? | ||
| That's a really good fucking question. | ||
| You were just talking about this. | ||
| Maybe one or two. | ||
| There was this Esquire article. | ||
| That's a very good question. | ||
| About mass shooting. | ||
| It's not even at all. | ||
| Yeah, there's an Esquire article about it. | ||
| Let's not get any ideas out there, ladies. | ||
| Let's just keep it cool. | ||
| Keep it cool. | ||
| Everybody, stay calm. | ||
| And it was really interesting, because half the article was just like a history of maybe just the last ten years of mass shooting. | ||
| There's been a ridiculous amount of... | ||
| Why mass shootings are always male? | ||
| It's in Time Magazine. | ||
| Except there's a big fucking stupid pull-down menu that we can't get out of the way. | ||
| Way to go. | ||
| How about you use Squarespace, you fucks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Make yourself a really useful website. | ||
| Was that one of the ads that just happened? | ||
| Are we just going to slip them in? | ||
| Why don't you use a flashlight to do it? | ||
| That was an ad from earlier. | ||
| Rhino horn. | ||
| Squarespace isn't even on today's ads, so stop it. | ||
| Just stop it. | ||
| They make an excellent website. | ||
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| The other half of the Esquire article was about this dude who was foiled in his mass shooting attempt, and he went to prison, but they didn't. | ||
| It was like Frank Abagnale. | ||
| You know how he was this world-traveling counterfeiter, and eventually they caught him, and he started working for the FBI. Oh, I'm not aware of that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Catch Me If You Can, movie. | ||
| Leo DiCaprio. | ||
| That's about that guy? | ||
| That's about that dude. | ||
| And this was a similar situation where they found this mass shooter who didn't actually get to carry out his plan and then started to use him to get into the psyche of these dudes. | ||
| And he talks about the process. | ||
| It starts with isolation, but the turning point was him starting to feel like he realized he was better than everybody. | ||
| It was loneliness and alienation and then like, wait, but the reason is I'm the best and they're the worst. | ||
| And he created his plan. | ||
| So all these guys created this. | ||
| Ben, are you trying to tell us you're a serial killer? | ||
| Is this your subtle way of telling us that you are a mass shooter in waiting? | ||
| Are you ready to pop? | ||
| Don't at me like this. | ||
| Are you ready to pop, bro? | ||
| Come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Questions like that, you're gonna fucking find out. | |
| Well, mental illness is a terrifying thing, because I don't know what's going on in your brain, I don't know what's going on in your brain. | ||
| I can only guess, based on all the time we've hung out together, that it's nothing scary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| I'm telling you, everybody smells good in here, okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody smells good. | |
| I agree. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| I don't smell any crazies or bad guys. | ||
| Woman in California postal shooting had history of bizarre behavior. | ||
| How many did she shoot? | ||
| Six. | ||
| That qualifies. | ||
| Do you know that the woman who, there was a woman secret service agent that got overpowered by that guy that ran into the White House? | ||
| There was a woman Secret Service agent that was on the first line of fire. | ||
| She was on the front line. | ||
| The guy got in and got a hold of her and overpowered her. | ||
| That's no good. | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| He got past her. | ||
| He got past her. | ||
| Was that recently? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A few days ago. | ||
| Okay, I know what you're talking about. | ||
| It's scary as shit, man. | ||
| This is scary as shit. | ||
| Well, they just got outed for all this stuff, man. | ||
| Did you hear about all the shots fired on, I can't remember what part of the West, excuse me, the White House? | ||
| No. | ||
| There were like seven shots fired into the White House. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When was that? | |
| The Secret Service didn't know about it for a couple days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Was it like sniper fire or something? | ||
| Yeah, someone just popped off a cover. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, and didn't the woman who ran, she just resigned? | ||
| I mean, it's a whole fucking thing. | ||
| And then there was one woman who got shot who was outside in her car, and she did something in her car, remember? | ||
| She drove her car onto the lawn. | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Weren't we there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| We were in D.C. We were. | ||
| We were playing at the 930 Club. | ||
| I've done that place. | ||
| Oh, it's so great. | ||
| That's a great spot. | ||
| That's a great spot. | ||
| Club that size in the country. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| We've got to tell the story just because it's so fucking good. | ||
| One of Honey Honey's favorite live show activities is putting spirit animals on our stage. | ||
| Preferably like birds of prey. | ||
| I want to play guitar underneath your story. | ||
| Yeah, ooh, I like it. | ||
| I like it, I like it. | ||
| I'll make it appropriate. | ||
| So we used to have this mascot who was a ceramic rooster. | ||
| It was fucking great. | ||
| And we took this rooster everywhere. | ||
| It's on our Instagram page. | ||
| I can show you. | ||
| A ceramic rooster. | ||
| How large is this rooster? | ||
| Rooster size. | ||
| It's pretty average. | ||
| Pretty accurate. | ||
| To scale. | ||
| How do I show this to you? | ||
| I'm not really good at this stuff. | ||
| Anyway... | ||
| We get to the venue and the rooster gets shattered by one of the employees by accident. | ||
| And our tour manager at the time, Sam, Sam really had an attachment to this rooster. | ||
| We heard him upstairs. | ||
| We were downstairs and we just heard this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| We're like three balconies up and we knew that he'd gotten the news. | ||
| But what's so great about 930 Club is that they're a really incredible team. | ||
| Like the whole establishment, like there's a real family vibe. | ||
| And one of the employees, incredible illustrative artist, draws up a card. | ||
| With this beautiful photo, like, drawing of a rooster with a big tear coming down his face that says, sorry about your cock. | ||
| And the whole venue signed it. | ||
| All the employees in the venue signed it, and we still have it. | ||
| And it was just one of the coolest things ever. | ||
| And, you know, that's actually a legendary venue. | ||
| Like, the people there are just phenomenal. | ||
| The sound quality is one of the best sounding rooms we've ever played. | ||
| It's a great spot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I did that place years ago. | ||
| It's a great spot. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| We got cupcakes. | ||
| I'm going to D.C. soon. | ||
| I'm doing the Warner Theater. | ||
| Oh, damn. | ||
| On the 18th. | ||
| Of this month? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Next weekend. | ||
| Are you just touring all the time now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What are you doing, man? | ||
| I'm just telling jokes. | ||
| I just did my Comedy Central special in Denver in November, so what I'm doing right now is writing new jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, thanks. | |
| A shitload of new jokes. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| How do you approach that? | ||
| You write, and then you take those ideas, and you fuck with them on stage. | ||
| You really don't know. | ||
| Last night I did a bunch of new shit. | ||
| I didn't know where it was going. | ||
| But I kind of had ideas where it would probably go, and then there's some things you change when you're in the fly, because you kind of realize on the fly that it'd be better if I said it like this, or it'd make more sense if I said it like that, or I could also say this. | ||
| Under the pressure of trying to forge the idea on stage, you come up with some... | ||
| Do you ever like bounce it off of anybody, like a teammate? | ||
| You just go for it? | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to do that. | ||
| Do you iPhone it? | ||
| You're just sitting in your car and you come up with shit? | ||
| Both. | ||
| I iPhone it and I also, a lot of times I iPhone it into print form. | ||
| I use that thing, that notepad, you know, the notepad you use, the little, press the little microphone, talk into it. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| Have you ever tried it? | ||
| No, but didn't you have a Droid the last time I saw you? | ||
| Yeah, I got rid of it. | ||
| So you switched that shit up. | ||
| No, but then I got a new one, so I have a new Droid. | ||
| Whoa, Redman has the massive one. | ||
| Yeah, he's got the giant iPhone. | ||
| That's nothing compared to your phone. | ||
| Don't be intimidated. | ||
| I got one of those Galaxy Note 5s, or Galaxy S5s, and I fucking love it. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| Joe, can I ask you a writing question? | ||
| You can ask me anything you want. | ||
| I don't really know how to put it. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Watch what I'm talking about. | ||
| Honey Honey Band is fucking badass. | ||
| Sweet guy. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Wow, I love this positive reinforcement. | ||
| Honey, honey, band is fucking... | ||
| Dude, she listens. | ||
| That's amazing, right? | ||
| Mine doesn't work like that. | ||
| It worked exactly. | ||
| I mean, it's got all the words. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And you just talk into it, and it prints it up. | ||
| And so, I like doing that when I'm driving, because if I have an idea, I could record it, and maybe that's the way to go sometimes. | ||
| Don't forget that idea for later. | ||
| Make sure you save that one. | ||
| I'm going to make this a sculpture. | ||
| This should be a sculpture. | ||
| I don't know what it's going to be. | ||
| A dude with his pants off, and a fucking Texas... | ||
| Belt buckle. | ||
| Did you know that the new Siri now does Shazam? | ||
| So you could just do that, what song is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've never seen Shazam or anything. | |
| Siri, you badass bitch. | ||
| That is a large phone, Redman. | ||
| Does that even fit in your pocket? | ||
| He puts it in the front. | ||
| Is that a large phone in your pocket? | ||
| A lot of room in the front. | ||
| A lot of extra room. | ||
| A lot of extra space. | ||
| Once you get off that room... | ||
| Some shrinkage. | ||
| I had a writing question. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| Sorry for being demanding. | ||
| No. | ||
| This is your fucking place. | ||
| Look, he's about to go off the rails. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like it when you're demanding. | ||
| I like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Well, see, I don't know if this truly applies, but I feel like a lot of people who write stuff, song, comedy, whatever, When you're young, it comes, or maybe not young, there's a certain point, like an initial point where it comes very unconsciously, you know? | ||
| Just kind of flows out in a sense of like, okay, I'm just expressing myself. | ||
| And then later on down the road, there's this conscious element that you have to like retrain yourself to do something consciously that you maybe used to do subconsciously. | ||
| Am I presuming too much? | ||
| Well, I think with comedy, it might be the exact opposite. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Because in comedy, in the beginning, you suck so hard that you're terrified of every stupid fucking word you're writing down. | ||
| You have very little confidence in anything that you're thinking. | ||
| But then as you get older, you kind of understand what you think is funny about something. | ||
| And you... | ||
| It also becomes like a different... | ||
| So that's more of a conscious act though, right? | ||
| Sorry to interrupt. | ||
| Well, not necessarily that it's more of a conscious act, but you understand what you're trying to do now. | ||
| Because when you're young, what you're trying to do is you're trying to kick ass. | ||
| Like, I'm going to get this joke and it's going to be so awesome. | ||
| It's like I was trying to explain to a friend, like, if you made an album, like if you guys decided to make an album, like Honey Honey Band is going to make an album and our goal is to sell the most fucking records of all time. | ||
| So that's what we're gonna do with this album. | ||
| We're gonna make the fucking album that sells more fucking records. | ||
| We're gonna make a million dollars or billion million dollars because I want a fucking yacht and I want a jet and a Bentley. | ||
| So, if you approached writing your songs, and that's all you were thinking about, it would fuck you up hard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you would somehow or another lose your connection. | ||
| That happened to me when I was an actor. | ||
| What did you want? | ||
| Fucking money. | ||
| I wanted to survive. | ||
| And I worked for a little while, and I had, like, a good two years. | ||
| And it was like, once I moved to L.A., I was living in New York, and I moved to L.A., and I stopped working. | ||
| And then every time I went to an audition, I was just so desperate. | ||
| I couldn't focus on what was right in front of me. | ||
| I had to focus on what would happen if I got the job. | ||
| I think people can smell that. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I was totally desperate. | ||
| But also, as a side note, that's how I started playing music because I sort of got thrown off course. | ||
| I was totally lost. | ||
| I moved to L.A. I didn't have any friends when I got here. | ||
| I had a boyfriend and we broke up. | ||
| And yeah, super sad. | ||
| And then I wrote these terrible sad songs. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's so pathetic. | ||
| But it's true, like, you know, that end result, it's totally, you're absolutely right as far as, like, you know, creativity goes. | ||
| It's kind of, like, not up to you to... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think I like, I really love being friends with guys like you guys because I don't know anything about music. | ||
| So I get to appreciate it from this like really innocent point of view. | ||
| Like, ooh, that sounds awesome. | ||
| Like, I don't know anything about chords. | ||
| I don't know how you do shit with your voice. | ||
| We don't know anything about chords either. | ||
| And that's kind of what I'm talking about. | ||
| No, in the sense of like, so we get to this point, and this happens to a lot of people who go to conservatories or like really study this shit, is that they have this technical understanding all of a sudden, and now they have to spend the rest of their career figuring out how to forget about that stuff. | ||
| And just like, how do I come at this like you're talking about? | ||
| Like someone who doesn't really understand it, coming from an emotional place where you're actually using it for what it's supposed to be used for. | ||
| Yeah, I think maybe it's just like exercising too much focus in one area. | ||
| I think it's probably that technical proficiency is probably very important in music, but it's also like nurturing a creative viewpoint, where if you're doing something, let's put it this way, if you're doing something and you're just studying, this is not to knock studying music and practicing, | ||
| but if you're practicing, say, a very particular song, and you're doing that song over and over and over again, I'm sure you're gaining technical proficiency, but Should there be an equal amount of time where you just explore making your own sounds, using your own lyrics, having your own thoughts, or should you do the classical music version of music, which is consistently performing Bach, Beethoven, songs that have been done. | ||
| They're in the can already. | ||
| You're just recreating them. | ||
| I think it's a little bit of everything. | ||
| Did you want to say something? | ||
| It is kind of a little bit of everything, right? | ||
| You beat me too. | ||
| You got it. | ||
| Take the flow. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, yeah, it is a little bit of everything because, you know, obviously there's muscle memory when you're playing. | ||
| So if you're in shape, it's just like working out. | ||
| I'll do exercises of classical music just to have my chops up. | ||
| Can you do it for us? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'll do some. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| No, I was talking about my violin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But you sound great. | |
| No, you do your martial arts warm-up. | ||
| Can you keep going? | ||
| And we'll do this. | ||
| Just stretch. | ||
| Just move around a lot. | ||
| It's not that impressive. | ||
| I've just been working on this new piece. | ||
| Just a warm-up piece. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's pretty... | |
| It's cool. | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| It's got Keith Jarrett. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's very, um, almost Led Zeppelin-like. | |
| Well, I... I could see, I could hear like Robert Plant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Babe! | |
| Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe! | ||
| I'm gonna leave you. | ||
| I'm gonna leave parts of you, girl. | ||
| And then we were like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I fucking left! | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| We just started a band, dude. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| I feel it. | ||
| I feel it, baby. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| It's inside of me. | ||
| From now on, I'm wearing big sunglasses, wigs, large hats. | ||
| I want attention. | ||
| We want to be able to see your dick through your pants. | ||
| You can see my dick through my pants no matter what. | ||
| Whether you want to or not. | ||
| There are no pants big enough. | ||
| It's angry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's aggressive. | |
| It's on the move. | ||
| It's angry. | ||
| Angry dick. | ||
| Constantly pressing the boundaries of cloth. | ||
| He's such a sweet guy, but he's got a mean dick. | ||
| Everybody look out. | ||
| It's a little fucking honey badger on my pants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all mad dick Rogan coming down the street. | |
| It's not even that big. | ||
| It's just crazy. | ||
| Crazy Pete's big, dude! | ||
| That's the rule! | ||
| Yeah, but think about it. | ||
| If you had, like, a fucking drunk kangaroo or a wild, vicious rat, I'd be more scared of the rat. | ||
| You know, the kangaroo's, like, wobbling, didn't look explosive. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, you could get the plague from a rat. | ||
| Rats scare the fuck out of me, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, me too. | |
| We've talked about it on the podcast before. | ||
| I had a bad situation with a rat once at a pool hall in New Jersey. | ||
| Me and my friend John went to this place to play pool, and there was this... | ||
| Fucking huge rat. | ||
| I'll never forget. | ||
| Just big, giant, fucking crazy yellow teeth. | ||
| Scared the shit out of me. | ||
| All you think about is getting bitten by the rat. | ||
| I have a great rat story, and I really want to tell this. | ||
| This is a good one. | ||
| So, back in the dizzy... | ||
| No. | ||
| Would you ask her to play music? | ||
| Play music! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on! | |
| She's not interested. | ||
| I like this. | ||
| Wait, let me, let me, this, well, it's pretty dark, so, like, you know what, whatever moves you. | ||
| Let me, let me paint this with my tone poems. | ||
| Dark. | ||
| Dark? | ||
| We're looking for dark? | ||
| So, um, I used to work in retail back in the day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can we name this story? | |
| Yeah, let's call it, um... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rats blood. | |
| Rats blood. | ||
| Okay, that's actually really loud. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rats blood. | |
| Oh, okay, I'll stop. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Suzanne Santo. | |
| Rats blood. | ||
| Rats blood. | ||
| So, I was working in retail, and it was a horrible job. | ||
| It was, like, totally degrading as a human, and all you would do was fold clothes all day, and it was really expensive, and these... | ||
| People would come in and spend ridiculous amounts of money on clothes and they were just shitty and mean and rude and rich, whatever. | ||
| Not that that all constitutes, but it was just an unpleasant experience. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And from whether it was a customer or the staff, my employers were just not kind and they didn't give a shit about you. | ||
| I knew I was kind of walking on thin ice because I wasn't enthusiastic about being there. | ||
| It was just a job. | ||
| And one day before the biggest sale of the year where people, like ladies, freak out. | ||
| I came into the store and that weekend there had been like, there had been indications and evidence that there were rodents because, and I, you know what, I knew it were rats because I could smell them, I swear to God. | ||
| I was like, I could smell, literally when someone says I can smell a rat, there's a musty smell to them. | ||
| You can fucking smell them. | ||
| I never saw that. | ||
| Oh, it's totally, because my first house in LA, I moved into off of a Craigslist ad had rats and I knew, I was like, that smell, I know that smell. | ||
| That was from my old house. | ||
| That's a rat. | ||
| So, long story short, The exterminators come in and set traps the night before, so Saturday morning when this big sale starts, all the girls were like, oh my god, do you think they caught something? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We walk into the store and there's one dead rat upstairs, there's one in the trap downstairs, another one downstairs, and then there was another, there was a trap that had been deployed And there was a big, large piece of a tail. | ||
| And blood. | ||
| I'm talking blood all over the clothes, all over the wall, but no rat. | ||
| And one of the girls had walked into the front of the store. | ||
| And also, you should know, there was a line forming outside of people that wanted to get in to get this end of the year sale. | ||
| One of the girls walks in. | ||
| She goes, oh, what's that? | ||
| And it was the size of a cat. | ||
| And it was the rat that got out of the trap, that like lost its tail, was in the middle of the store, bleeding, and it was like this big. | ||
| Everybody's freaking out. | ||
| One of the girls was ballsy enough to throw a trash can over it. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| It's like screaming. | ||
| At this point, it is time to open the store. | ||
| People are knocking on the window. | ||
| We were able to create a diversion and put some clothes racks so you couldn't see the trash can. | ||
| You let people in while there was a rat in the trash can? | ||
| From the window. | ||
| Nobody was let in. | ||
| It was screaming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We called the exterminator. | |
| Oh, it gets so much better. | ||
| The exterminator comes back. | ||
| We're like, dude, there's a fucking live rat in the store. | ||
| We can't open the doors. | ||
| We have a sale. | ||
| There's a line around the block. | ||
| Everybody's on the phone. | ||
| Everybody's freaking out. | ||
| The exterminator shows up. | ||
| And he walks in. | ||
| He's like, oh, yeah, that's a problem. | ||
| And he's like, well, I don't have my pellet gun. | ||
| And the next thing I know, he walks out to his truck, and he comes back with a 2x4. | ||
| And he's like, you ladies might want to step back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kicks the trash can open and just fucking splat. | |
| It was so awful. | ||
| It was like watching him fucking blow up a watermelon in the middle of the store. | ||
| So then, oh, it gets so much better. | ||
| So after he kills the rat, and it's like guts and entrails are all over the place, the store manager is like, ladies, we need to clean this up and open this door. | ||
| I was like, are you fucking serious? | ||
| So they're like, buckets of bleach and whatever clothing has the blood on it, just take it out. | ||
| We'll cancel it out later. | ||
| So we're cleaning. | ||
| We're running around. | ||
| And I'm not kidding you. | ||
| The door's open. | ||
| Five minutes. | ||
| And the manager, who's my age, calls me upstairs and she's like, Suzanne, can I have a word with you? | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, yeah, sure, whatever. | ||
| Go upstairs. | ||
| And I get fucking fired. | ||
| She was like, look, you know, we've been wanting to talk to you about, you know, your performance here. | ||
| And like, I don't feel... | ||
| I know that you want to be a musician. | ||
| She said, want to be. | ||
| And I was like, fucking cunt. | ||
| I am a musician, goddammit. | ||
| But anyway, I was like... | ||
| You couldn't fire me before you made me clean up the rat's blood? | ||
| I had to clean up the blood and then get fired? | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| Like, it was one of those moments where I literally, I lost my shit. | ||
| And then she was like, well, you can stay for the rest of the day if you want. | ||
| I was like, you think I want to stay here? | ||
| And look at you, I hate you! | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| But it's such a good story. | ||
| So, going through it was all worth it at the time. | ||
| Well, it was just, I'd never, like, I'd never experienced, like, any, it's such a fantastical story. | ||
| That's a very good story. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Isn't it funny how a story that is absolutely horrible at the time becomes awesome? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Those are the good ones. | ||
| It was a low point, though, because it was so insulting. | ||
| When someone just degrades you like that, she said, I know you're trying to be a musician, but your heart's not in it. | ||
| And I was like, of course. | ||
| Your heart's not in solid pants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I don't want to solid pants. | |
| And cleaning up rat innards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| You're right. | ||
| Smashing fucking rats with two by fours. | ||
| I don't care about your sweaters. | ||
| You need to examine your priorities. | ||
| My friend Steve Rinell was explaining this to me this weekend about struggle. | ||
| And it's a very important, interesting point. | ||
| And he was talking about working, like, struggling really hard, doing something that sucks, is not fun at the time. | ||
| But it's fun later on for a long time. | ||
| Whereas something that comes really easy, like fun, like rollercoaster riding... | ||
| It's fun at the time, but after it's over, has no fun attached to it anymore. | ||
| I was like, whoa, that is crazy. | ||
| If you think about it that way, there's fun stored up in chaotic experiences. | ||
| I don't know, he's obviously never been rollercoaster high. | ||
| Yeah, but even if you have, it's still 30 seconds. | ||
| Whoa, we did it, it was crazy! | ||
| And then you kind of tell it, but you just told a fucking harrowing story of a rat trapped in Under a trash can shrieking while a bunch of chicks are banging on the window trying to save some money. | ||
| And it's like this fucking rat's... | ||
| And the guy comes in and smashes it. | ||
| That is a great fucking story. | ||
| That at the time, you must have been like, fuck this job. | ||
| And you fucking fired me, you fucking cunt. | ||
| Oh, that day. | ||
| Like, immediately afterwards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But look how great it is now. | ||
| It's like there's been... | ||
| There's like energy stored up in that moment that's come through in a big way. | ||
| I think witnessing amazing, crazy, like, acts of nature like that in any respect, I'm sure you've seen crazy things out in the wilderness, you know? | ||
| It's just like, oh my god. | ||
| Well, I've been talking about this, like, the last few days I've been really happy. | ||
| Like, I'm always pretty happy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| But really fucking happy because I'm not in the fucking rainforest in Prince Edward's Prince of Wales Island. | ||
| In Alaska, sleeping in a wet tent. | ||
| And I'm like, dude, the houses are awesome! | ||
| Electricity is the shit. | ||
| Were your socks wet? | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| Everything was wet. | ||
| My sleeping bag was wet. | ||
| My clothes were wet. | ||
| I turned my light on. | ||
| I had a miner's light on, one of those little things that you put on a little headband. | ||
| It sits over the forehead, like a third eye. | ||
| Your enlightenment eye. | ||
| I turned this thing on in my tent, and I just saw, like it was raining dew drops. | ||
| Literally, everywhere you looked, the entire air, all the air was filled with moisture. | ||
| Nothing stays dry. | ||
| What were you eating? | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| We just ate freeze-dried foods. | ||
| We were drinking right out of the lake. | ||
| How long were you there? | ||
| Five days. | ||
| We were drinking right out of the lake. | ||
| Did you have giardia filters and shit? | ||
| There's no giardia because there's no beavers up that high. | ||
| Not only that, it's a lake that's made entirely of rainwater. | ||
| It's not fed by a river or anything. | ||
| What did it taste like? | ||
| It just rains so much. | ||
| It's just pure rainwater. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So there's no tributaries or anything? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| It's 160 inches of rain a year. | ||
| It's the rainiest spot in North America. | ||
| So you just dip your canteen and drink it. | ||
| With everything huge? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I'll show you some pictures after the podcast's over. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's so humbling, but... | ||
| Beautiful, amazing, solitary, really wild, but when you get back home, you feel great. | ||
| I think that's the balance. | ||
| I don't think the balance is living by yourself. | ||
| I don't think the balance is going all Ted Kaczynski. | ||
| I think the balance is going out to nature. | ||
| I'm going out on a limb. | ||
| But I think the balance is going out into nature and being around people. | ||
| It's like both. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| It's like both. | ||
| Like a nice... | ||
| Well, we need to exchange that energy, whether it's like physical contact or just, you know, attention. | ||
| Well, it's perspective and seeing the stars. | ||
| That's a huge one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huge. | |
| Giant. | ||
| You know, we just got to go to Hawaii fairly recently. | ||
| And you look up at the stars... | ||
| Did you go to the Keck Observatory? | ||
| No, we didn't. | ||
| You gotta go. | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| It's in Hawaii. | ||
| It's on the Big Island. | ||
| Oh, that's where we were. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Maybe we'll go back there. | ||
| I'm scheduling my next trip. | ||
| I'm going to make sure if I go there, that I go there when there's no moon out. | ||
| Because the last time I went, it was fucking amazing. | ||
| But the moon was out. | ||
| So you don't see anything but the moon and a few stars. | ||
| But the time before I went, it was all stars. | ||
| It was no moon. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| You can't believe... | ||
| You almost get angry that you can't see that every day. | ||
| Everybody should see it on a regular basis. | ||
| If you can't do it every night, it should happen regularly, weekly, monthly, whatever. | ||
| Because it just sets you back to the point of understanding what is actually going on, where you are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I think we're blocked off. | ||
| We're in a car with, like, super tinted windows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We look so cool. | ||
| We can't see. | ||
| We're obviously successful. | ||
| It's dark out. | ||
| We can't see shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| We're obviously successful or being abducted. | ||
| It's one or the other. | ||
| Maybe porn being filmed in the next. | ||
| One or the other. | ||
| But when we're flying around through the galaxy and we don't realize it, we can get cocky. | ||
| But when you're standing on that Keck Observatory and you're looking up and you see the very defined Milky Way galaxy, it's so crazy. | ||
| You're literally on some sort of a spaceship with no roof, and you're flying through the galaxy. | ||
| That's what it feels like. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| You just feel so small. | ||
| It's like, wow, this is fucking huge. | ||
| It's such a great feeling of small. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because it's not really that you feel small. | ||
| It's that you realize the enormity of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| The whole package. | ||
| It's not even that you feel small. | ||
| It's just like it's humbling. | ||
| And I think that's one of the reasons why people are so goddamn cocky. | ||
| I think we fucked up by making lights everywhere at night. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| No, I think it's what you said. | ||
| It's a balance. | ||
| It's like people need to remember to get away and reflect and be out. | ||
| Shut it down. | ||
| Turn the fucking phone off. | ||
| Don't look at your Facebook page. | ||
| Go be outside. | ||
| Just take it in. | ||
| I kind of felt like that when I spent a summer surfing. | ||
| I'm not a good surfer, but I used to live by the beach and I diligently would go with a friend of mine who was teaching me how to surf and I had so many moments where I was getting tossed around and where I was scared. | ||
| And you just feel like, this is the ocean. | ||
| This is huge. | ||
| This is so much bigger than me. | ||
| And I had so much respect for Great Mother Nature. | ||
| I really did. | ||
| I would have these moments where I would get up at 6 in the morning with my friend and go surfing and then have this awareness for the rest of my day. | ||
| It's pretty fucking cool. | ||
| I would imagine that the people that surf frequently, that's their hobby, have a real essence about them. | ||
| This is definitely a spiritual connection. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| It was in alignment with this energy that's so much more powerful than you when you're riding that wave. | ||
| Even people that just, like, go to the beach every day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Or all the time. | ||
| Like, that's one of the reasons my beach towns are so chill. | ||
| Isn't something about the salt alkalizing or something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's probably really good for you. | |
| Yeah, it's very cleansing. | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| If you go by Santa Monica and you watch the waves, you'll see the mist. | ||
| You can see the mist. | ||
| People are breathing that. | ||
| And the air is clean as shit. | ||
| There's a fucking hundred million cars and the air is clean there because it's all coming off the ocean. | ||
| It's just a totally different sort of vibe. | ||
| It's a totally different life. | ||
| Why aren't we living by the beach, guys? | ||
| So we had both of those. | ||
| Let's live our dreams. | ||
| The beach and the stars. | ||
| But the stars. | ||
| I think of the motherfucker of all motherfuckers. | ||
| It's like the beach. | ||
| And the forest, too, though. | ||
| Forest is a motherfucker. | ||
| That's big. | ||
| Are you talking about Hawaii still? | ||
| Well, everywhere. | ||
| I mean, Hawaii is amazing, too. | ||
| I was in Hilo. | ||
| I went through Hilo, and you drove up by the mountain. | ||
| Wait, is that the canyon? | ||
| No, Hilo is just one of the cities in Hawaii. | ||
| Are you thinking about Kona? | ||
| No, it's not Kona. | ||
| It's on the Big Island. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Waipu. | |
| We were talking about Waipu. | ||
| We were there. | ||
| There was this... | ||
| Canyon. | ||
| Is that what... | ||
| By the waterfall? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was this literally thousand foot waterfall running right off the northwest coast of the island, I think. | ||
| Of the Big Island? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It looked like Jurassic Park. | ||
| It was legitimately like... | ||
| Didn't they film that there? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I would imagine they did. | ||
| Did they? | ||
| I think they did on Oahu. | ||
| They did Lost. | ||
| Yeah, they filmed Lost there. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was so amazing. | |
| We went in July with some really good friends of ours, and I've personally never been anywhere tropical, so that was my first time. | ||
| Hawaii was your first tropical trip? | ||
| Yeah, like two months ago. | ||
| It's the best one. | ||
| But it's such a crazy one, too, because it's not just tropical. | ||
| You know, there's the rainforest, there's like the volcanic fields. | ||
| The people are cool as shit. | ||
| I love Hawaiian people. | ||
| You know, people always say, like, you'll hear that, like, Hawaiians are, like, negative towards white people, you know, or negative towards mainlanders, but I just think there's too many of us that are douchebags. | ||
| I think that's what it is. | ||
| We come over there and, like, you know how much my fucking airplane ticket costs to get over here to your fucking stupid island, man? | ||
| And these people are thinking, my ancestors came over here in a fucking canoe, bitch. | ||
| They're tough people. | ||
| We met this guy named Kavika. | ||
| We were staying in a place that was literally right on the beach so we could walk out 20 yards and be snorkeling. | ||
| And he was just instructing us about the wildlife. | ||
| Don't touch that. | ||
| We learned a little too late, though. | ||
| He got... | ||
| Well, we learned in a way that he would have just shrugged off, you know, he just brushed it off his shoulder. | ||
| This dude got an urchin or some sort of spine. | ||
| They're like the spider urchin, the black spiky ones. | ||
| I got one of those in my foot. | ||
| Me too, man. | ||
| This dude had it impaled through his wrist. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And you can't take it out. | ||
| It's too brittle. | ||
| He had it in his wrist for a year. | ||
| It just happens and it slowly disintegrates. | ||
| Before your body pushes it out, yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like, okay, that's... | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And like, we both had... | ||
| You had one on your thumb. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I had one on my foot. | ||
| And like, I felt it for like three months. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, it was... | ||
| I'd have these moments where I'm like, ah! | ||
| You know, I went for a jog or whatever. | ||
| And I'm like, my fucking pinky toe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all... | |
| It's all swollen! | ||
| But it's a great reminder, too. | ||
| It's just like, that's like the stars. | ||
| I honestly think so. | ||
| When you have that kind of interaction with nature, and it's still there, and you think, fuck, that hurts, but it's because I did this. | ||
| It's because I was in that environment, and I need to be exposed to that shit. | ||
| Well, you gotta get some of them scuba shoes, girl. | ||
| Well, I had them on, and it was just that one little spot where you could get right through it. | ||
| But, you know, it's okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm over it. | |
| I was totally barefoot, like a retard. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| With a four-year-old. | ||
| Did you step on it? | ||
| Yeah, I stepped on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| But the guys at the hotel, they knew some shit, and they had some sort of vinegar solution, and they put it on it. | ||
| I put it on it for like 20 minutes, and it was pretty good. | ||
| I worked out that night, and it felt better. | ||
| I felt like if I worked out on it, too, I'd kind of smash it all up, whatever's in there, and it would slowly make its way out. | ||
| Well, and they make it, urchins make it really clear. | ||
| They're not like, surprise, I got you. | ||
| They're like, I'm a spiky fucking thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't touch me. | |
| Well, before I kicked it, I saw it and I reached for it and then I was like, Suzanne, maybe don't do that. | ||
| And I was going to pick one up like a fucking idiot. | ||
| How would you do that? | ||
| Because I was fascinated. | ||
| I've never been anywhere tropical. | ||
| I know, but it's like you see like a rusty blade and you're like, I've never seen one of those. | ||
| Let me pick that up in my tongue. | ||
| I wonder what it tastes like. | ||
| You know what was amazing, though? | ||
| The sea turtles. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They look like angels. | ||
| I swear to God, they looked into my soul. | ||
| They were just right there. | ||
| Do you guys want to drink more of that whiskey? | ||
| Yeah, I'll have some more. | ||
| I'm a big fan of all those animals. | ||
| We went swimming with dolphins, which was amazing. | ||
| I had my four-year-old with me in the water. | ||
| I was holding on to her, and she's snorkeling with me. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I want to expose her to as much crazy shit early so it seems normal to her. | ||
| I've already started teaching her martial arts. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And the six year old is pretty good. | ||
| They probably take to that stuff really naturally. | ||
| I think there's certain aspects of certain movement that are just normal and natural for people if you teach them how to do it. | ||
| But I think there's also learned experience and DNA. But anyway, the point is, she wasn't scared of going in the ocean and being with the dolphins. | ||
| She didn't know any better. | ||
| She's four. | ||
| If I waited until she was nine and I said it, she might go, what? | ||
| What if there's a shark? | ||
| But she's four. | ||
| I'm like, it'll be fine. | ||
| She's like, okay. | ||
| We're in there swimming around. | ||
| I was on Kauai. | ||
| I've been to Kauai twice, the time that we were talking about, and one other time I was on Kauai, and I saw a family, and we were on a dock, and the dock was probably 10 feet off the water, right? | ||
| And there's a bunch of family members in the water, and then a dude dangling a little kid off the side, and the kid's like, ah, fuck! | ||
| And then they just drop it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sploosh! | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| And then they save it and it's fine. | ||
| But that's how they get used to it. | ||
| I don't know if I'm into that. | ||
| Either you're traumatized or you're Michael Phelps. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think it works that way. | |
| I think it might. | ||
| Ben, is that how Michael Phelps learned to swim? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Why would you ask me like I know that? | ||
| Well, because you just referenced him. | ||
| No, but the point is that I think that could... | ||
| Yeah, you have no data to back up your claims that I can create a Michael Phelps. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| I was taking a little poetic license. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you hear Michael Phelps got a second DUI? I saw that. | |
| Give that man his weed back. | ||
| He likes to party. | ||
| Give him his weed back. | ||
| You're testing him for weed all the time. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| No wonder why he's drunk. | ||
| Yeah, we are. | ||
| We got plenty more where that comes from. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Plenty more. | ||
| Just to defend my Michael Phelps statement one more time. | ||
| We were talking earlier. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Shitty stories. | ||
| Hold on, I'm not ready. | ||
| I'm on deck. | ||
| Ben is slow with the cheers. | ||
| I'm really sorry for serving you guys your drink so slow. | ||
| Damn, he turns it around on us. | ||
| Ben, I'm supposed to drive tonight and you just poured me a bucket of whiskey. | ||
| Would I ever say no to you? | ||
| We have a car service. | ||
| Can you call it Uber? | ||
| No, no, we have a real car service. | ||
| It's on staff. | ||
| Did you hear about the Uber driver who hit the guy in the face with a hammer? | ||
| Hit the guy in the back seat? | ||
| The passenger with a hammer? | ||
| I thought they were in the front seat. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| The passenger. | ||
| And I'm sure these stories are going to just keep coming out, but first kind of uber freak out that I'd heard of. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| I was like, yeah, okay, this shit actually is unregulated. | ||
| Maybe the guy who was in his seat was like really bad. | ||
| He could have been a dick. | ||
| What's he doing with a hammer in his car? | ||
| Brian, am I crazy? | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| Maybe the guy was trying to bite his dick. | ||
| Uber hammer attack may clarify firm's responsibilities. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Well, they've definitely been... | ||
| Is that the guy who got hit with a hammer? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Oh, yeah, look at him. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You know, for getting hit with a hammer, he doesn't look too bad. | ||
| But, you know what? | ||
| Can I tell you something? | ||
| I felt... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They've been expanding at a pretty miraculous rate. | ||
| Like, Uber and Lyft are just growing and growing, like, more and more. | ||
| So, if you're getting, you know, a higher volume of employees coming in, you're going to get a crazy in there. | ||
| Every now and again, right? | ||
| Good point. | ||
| Rational, Suzanne. | ||
| Proper rational, Suzanne. | ||
| Ask me another one. | ||
| I feel ready. | ||
| What can we do about peace in the Middle East, Suzanne? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pass. | |
| Smart move. | ||
| Know what you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank God. | |
| Know that you don't know what you don't know. | ||
| Well, that's what every fucking person on Earth should say. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I don't feel equipped or comfortable to get into that conversation, but I did tell you, you know, I'm reading a lot of Chomsky lately, and it's such an argumentative subject that, like, I'd rather just talk about, you know... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rats being killed. | |
| The wilderness and rats. | ||
| And retail stores. | ||
| Good call. | ||
| Because it's, you know what, like, but also I feel like a fucking pansy at the same time. | ||
| I was thinking about this this morning. | ||
| Like, what do you stand for? | ||
| Like, do you sit on the sidelines and let it, you know, like, you have your relationship with it and you let it sort of transpire the way it's going to or... | ||
| But there's already too many players on the field. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I agree. | ||
| There's already 15 a side and they don't need more people being like... | ||
| But without tooting our fucking horn here, Ben, we have a platform that is continuing to grow and I'm not saying that that's not... | ||
| What we're here for. | ||
| We're here to play music and spread love and be what we are. | ||
| But at the same time, we also have an opportunity to, if there's something really important that we believe in, to talk about it. | ||
| Now, I'm not saying I want to talk about peace in the Middle East because, again, I don't feel qualified for that. | ||
| But I had this reckoning this morning where I was like, what are you going to do, Suzanne? | ||
| How are you going to handle this kind of energy if that's the right thing to do? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm kind of babbling. | ||
| No, no, no, you're not. | ||
| It's that angst of not really being able to fix some of the primary concerns of our culture. | ||
| Well, it's like doing our part. | ||
| I think you just had the perfect answer, which is we don't know. | ||
| And it doesn't help the situation to just introduce energy into it, to be like, ah, that's fucked up. | ||
| It's like, yeah, we all know it's fucked up. | ||
| I think there's people that are compelled to fix the system. | ||
| There's people that are compelled to point out the flaws in the system. | ||
| There's people that are compelled to inspire others. | ||
| Maybe that's where you guys are. | ||
| You might inspire others with your words or your music or your combination of your talent and your points of view might influence people's ideas. | ||
| In turn, that sets. | ||
| I think whenever someone who makes a lot of sense or someone who speaks in a way that makes you realign your perceptions of the world, when they communicate with folks and they put something in their head, those people may spread those ideas out and add to them and it goes further and further and further. | ||
| And then eventually, all of that influences the culture in a more positive way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Most protests, or most, I mean, there's very few, like, really, like, angry, violent reactions. | ||
| What they do is they cause people to become defensive, they cause people to re-examine the situation, but what causes people to really change themselves? | ||
| It's almost always inspiration. | ||
| It's almost always wanting to be inspired. | ||
| Like, if you see someone, like, have you ever gone to see, like, someone perform live, and you just go, fuck! | ||
| And you just want to go home and play, and you just want to go home and practice, right? | ||
| Like, that fuel. | ||
| You know, like, sometimes you'll go see a movie, and it's just, it's so good, you just want to go to the gym, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Like, sometimes these things happen. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| Sometimes you're in your car, and a fucking song comes on, and it just changes your state, you know? | ||
| You just, all of a sudden, you just feet, you get that feeling washes over you. | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| You know? | ||
| Those things... | ||
| For you and you, Ben and Suzanne, for you guys, this is your avenue. | ||
| This is your avenue for change. | ||
| You just really set me in. | ||
| Honestly, I've been thinking about this a lot. | ||
| I really appreciate that. | ||
| Everybody doesn't need to try to fix the world. | ||
| Everybody can't fix the world. | ||
| We were talking about this on the drive over here a little bit. | ||
| It's not about fixing the world. | ||
| It's just about making sure that I'm... | ||
| I don't want to say doing what I'm supposed to do. | ||
| Doing your part? | ||
| Not sitting out when I... But I think the point of what he's saying is by following through on something you're passionate about, that is the best thing you can do because it creates those environments for other people. | ||
| And having opinions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And expressing yourself once you've established... | ||
| Like what you guys are doing, you're establishing your music, establishing your art, and then you have opinions. | ||
| And then people go, God, those guys seem so cool and they make sense. | ||
| That doesn't make sense. | ||
| Not all the time. | ||
| You know what's crazy, though? | ||
| To me. | ||
| I was... | ||
| I've become more and more comfortable with opinions changing, and my own opinions changing, because I think I've actually been, which I didn't understand it as this, but it's a conservative mindset to be like, no, this is my opinion, I'm sticking to it. | ||
| I've been reading this Dylan book, and that's the reason I'm bringing it up. | ||
| It's fascinating, because I'm reading all these interviews with him throughout his career, and I just got to 1980, right? | ||
| And this is him, like, counterculture figure, like, fuck you guys, I'm talking about what I want to do. | ||
| In 1980, he's a born-again Christian. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| I didn't know that until the drive over here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, what the fuck? | |
| Christ is the way and the light. | ||
| This is what I believe in. | ||
| Bob Dylan was a born-again Christian? | ||
| 110%. | ||
| Honestly. | ||
| And it's amazing to see this dude who's so comfortable in just inhabiting what he's experiencing at that time. | ||
| He's looking it up, Ben. | ||
| This is what I'm doing. | ||
| He wants to double-check. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, this shit is from the host's mouth. | |
| Wow. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| But it's a shocker to see these words, because this is just my upbringing. | ||
| When someone talks about Jesus that openly, I get kind of freaked out because of my shit, I guess. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But to hear him talk about this, it just, like, realizes people fucking change. | ||
| This is a BobDylanJesus.com page. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| The details. | ||
| How fascinating. | ||
| Bob Dylan's Jesus years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Bob Dylan's for Jews for Jesus. | ||
| So many different people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's an artist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, he takes chances. | ||
| When you really see in this, just in reading these things, this dude was using a persona and still is. | ||
| Like, Bob Dylan is something, he sets it aside from himself, and that's how he figured out how he could create. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He's like, that's Bob Dylan, and I can kind of remove myself and do whatever the fuck I want. | ||
| Now I'm kind of, not blameless, but like... | ||
| Disassociated almost. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I don't know about all that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I guess there's a documentary. | |
| There's a documentary. | ||
| There's a film. | ||
| This is a film. | ||
| Inside Bob Dylan's Jesus Years is a film. | ||
| Ben, who's the guy from The Who? | ||
| Which guy from The Who? | ||
| Pete Townsend? | ||
| Pete Townsend. | ||
| Oh, he was the one that got caught looking at child porn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| But he got cleared. | ||
| He got cleared, man. | ||
| Baba O'Reilly? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Yeah, that's a Who song. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He got cleared. | ||
| About the masturbation. | ||
| He got cleared, but what does that mean? | ||
| That means, like, this is a dude who's been sexually molested as a child in his life, and he was doing, like, a project trying to expose shit, you know, being like, this is fucked up, you know, and he kind of got outed for... | ||
| And look, I mean, I'm not an expert on it, so I hope this doesn't bite the situation. | ||
| Right, I hope you're right. | ||
| I hope you're right. | ||
| I definitely don't want him to be a trial molester. | ||
| Healthy viewpoint. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I try to look towards the positive at all. | |
| But he's an odd guy. | ||
| He is. | ||
| He made a statement about homosexuality or about being a woman, about he had been a woman in his life. | ||
| And it was very strange because it was like this... | ||
| He had been a woman like in a past life? | ||
| No, in a sexual sense. | ||
| Like he had been the receiving end of male sex. | ||
| So he had like played... | ||
| Are we talking about butt sex? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are we talking about? | |
| I think you'd have to talk... | ||
| Did Brian just go... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pete Townsend... | |
| You creeper. | ||
| Here, I'll read you the quote. | ||
| I'm so excited about my protein powder, Joe. | ||
| I'm glad you're happy. | ||
| I really am. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, Ben Jaffe is going to be bulking up. | ||
| What are you doing to bulk up? | ||
| Well, first of all, my back is hooked, so I'm doing a lot of core shit. | ||
| This is his quote. | ||
| I know how it feels to be a woman because I am a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fine. | |
| I'm just telling you. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Unsuccessfully. | ||
| What's more important, man? | ||
| Your back is temporarily hurt? | ||
| Or the time where Pete Townsend talked about being gay? | ||
| Okay, sorry. | ||
| Did he talk about being gay? | ||
| Did he talk about when he had his first period? | ||
| I don't know if you call it a period when it's a man's butt. | ||
| It's not like an egg got dropped. | ||
| I'm just checking. | ||
| You are not a woman for having butt sex. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Yeah, you're not, right? | ||
| You're not. | ||
| Do you accept a woman who's like a transgender woman? | ||
| Do you accept that as a pure woman? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| What does that mean, pure woman? | ||
| And you're like, listen, bitch, I know you ain't got no period. | ||
| You need to stop pretending every month. | ||
| You're freaking out. | ||
| Maybe I'm having my period. | ||
| You don't have your fucking period! | ||
| You used to have a penis! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| I'll call you Dolores, but you stop bitching about your fucking period! | ||
| What transgender woman is bitching about her period that you've been hanging out with? | ||
| If you don't think there's some transgender woman out there bitching about her period, you have no imagination. | ||
| I guarantee you, of all our transgender friends out there that are listening, I'll fucking, I'll bet you. | ||
| Wait, first of all, let's backtrack. | ||
| So you had Buck Angel on the show? | ||
| Yes, Buck Angel. | ||
| Was that a dream? | ||
| We talked about it? | ||
| We talked about Buck Angel. | ||
| I always wanted to have him on the show. | ||
| He's cool as fuck. | ||
| He's fucking awesome. | ||
| He's a really nice guy. | ||
| He's a really nice guy. | ||
| And it's, you know, I'm very flexible with my ideas about, like, gender. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| I don't begrudge anybody their own sexual proclivities, their own ideas about gender conformity and about gender identity. | ||
| I have been in this battle with a lot of transgender people over the last year or so, but it's purely because of one individual. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| It's purely because of a woman who used to be a man. | ||
| She was a man for 30 years and started MMA fighting. | ||
| I know who you're talking about. | ||
| I said a bunch of rude, mean shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's some things that we don't know that you know that I know. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm not okay with that. | ||
| I said a bunch of rude, mean shit. | ||
| You know, that if I, like, thought about the possibility that it would make other transgender people feel bad, I probably wouldn't have said it again. | ||
| But the reality is that it's one thing to say that you're a woman, but it's another thing to say that there's not some crazy mechanical advantages to the male frame that you don't lose when you transition to being a woman. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| There's a one... | ||
| There's a 10%... | ||
| Was she accepted into the league? | ||
| But in some states, well, it's I see that's the other thing. | ||
| I don't even have a problem with a man like Having a fight with a woman like an actual man having a fight with a woman if they both agree on it If the woman knows she's fighting a man and the man knows he's fighting a woman and they both agree if you could fucking ride bulls Okay, why can't you? | ||
| Which we can. | ||
| Why can't a woman decide she wants to beat the shit out of a man and see if she can do it? | ||
| If they both weigh the same. | ||
| No reason. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Hey, Joe. | ||
| Hey, Ben. | ||
| How's her record? | ||
| Hi, Agenda. | ||
| How's her record? | ||
| How's her record? | ||
| The record. | ||
| Did she win a lot? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's like every time. | ||
| It's not just win. | ||
| Win in, like, really quick, violent ways. | ||
| That's horrible. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, she lost once, though. | ||
| She lost once to some badass bitch. | ||
| She lost once. | ||
| But it was just like, you know, all due respect, not trying to be mean, her skill level is very rudimentary. | ||
| I watched her movements, and there's nothing substantial about it. | ||
| There's, like, there's some MMA fighters. | ||
| But is it just brute force? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| There's definitely technique involved. | ||
| She definitely knows a lot of technique. | ||
| She definitely trains hard. | ||
| There's no doubt about it, because she's fighting five-minute rounds. | ||
| I don't know if they fight five-minute rounds in a lot of these female organizations. | ||
| Sometimes they lower the number of minutes. | ||
| But she's definitely talented. | ||
| She definitely can fight. | ||
| There's no doubt about it. | ||
| It's not like she's some horrible amateur that has no idea what she's doing. | ||
| She's knocking people out. | ||
| Whether or not she's knocking... | ||
| You know, what they would call cisgender. | ||
| That's what they like to call it. | ||
| Transgender people like to call people that were born a certain gender called cisgender. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| I don't know what it stands for. | ||
| No one knows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No one knows. | |
| It's popcorn. | ||
| Why do you call it popcorn? | ||
| You just do. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You pop the corn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You pop the corn. | |
| I think I do know why they call it popcorn. | ||
| Why is Kool-Aid Kool-Aid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Is it a band-aid? | ||
| It's not that cool. | ||
| It'll give you diabetes. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| See, but for the first few fights, she didn't admit that she used to be a man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, that's weird. | |
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| And she said that it wasn't something they required of her, and she thought it was a mental... | ||
| Did someone help her? | ||
| A medical, yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Or, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I shouldn't say. | ||
| I don't know exactly how it came out. | ||
| But the people that fought her that didn't know that she used to be a man were pretty fucking upset. | ||
| Honestly, this is so interesting. | ||
| This is fascinating that at this day and age, this is an argument that we have. | ||
| You have to label something and then it's like, well, is it this or is it that? | ||
| And it's both things. | ||
| Is Buck Angel the butchiest of lesbians or is Buck Angel a man? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| First of all, I respect Buck and I think that he's great. | ||
| We met him. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| But at the same time, I'm just kind of fascinated by the whole conversation to begin with. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sorry, go ahead. | ||
| I was just going to say, I think to most rational people, it doesn't really make a difference. | ||
| It's like self-definition. | ||
| You can call yourself whatever you want. | ||
| I think it's when people start proselytizing about it. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| Because then, I don't know, it's invasive. | ||
| In this issue, my only concern is that it's a personal safety issue. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And there's sort of like a, I don't know, fuck, I don't want to get involved in an argument with anyone on the internet, but it almost sort of feels like an unfair advantage. | ||
| Well, no, it's an unfair advantage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| It is an unfair advantage. | ||
| It doesn't mean that the woman isn't going to win. | ||
| The other woman isn't going to win. | ||
| What it does mean is just that the physical advantage, it's often like you can overcome physical advantage with technique, but you shouldn't have to. | ||
| There's a certain amount of physical advantage where I don't know. | ||
| I don't think the studies have really been done on fighters. | ||
| I think there's been some studies on athletes and athletes' reaction, but I think the difference between being a man who transitions into being a woman and competing in Olympic volleyball It's very different than being a man who used to be a woman who transitioned to combat sports. | ||
| Because you're essentially dealing with having an advantage in dealing out concussions. | ||
| And that's a big deal. | ||
| There's a difference in the way we're shaped. | ||
| You know, and the broader shoulders of the male, the larger hands, the more narrow hips, the different geometry of the body. | ||
| The beautiful curve of the brow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Tell me more, Ben. | ||
| The sweat dripping off the buttocks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, gotta go. | |
| We'll see you guys later. | ||
| The jar is so wide. | ||
| We'll be fine in here without Jesus' aid. | ||
| Accommodate my cock and balls. | ||
| Careful, he's got an angry dick, remember? | ||
| It's very furious right now. | ||
| All this fucking transgender talk is making it angry. | ||
| Joe, Joe, I have a question. | ||
| Have you ever fought a woman? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I sparred with them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Way, way, way back in the day in Taekwondo. | ||
| Never in kickboxing, but in Taekwondo classes sometimes you have to spar with them. | ||
| But I never hurt one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love playing basketball with women. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| Honestly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I bet you do. | ||
| No, I really do. | ||
| Everybody gets sweaty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice way to meet people. | |
| Doesn't mean anything. | ||
| You bump up against each other. | ||
| Do you bump up against each other? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| No, sure. | ||
| You make your jokes. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| I got a valid point here. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get it out. | |
| Have you ever gotten a boner while playing basketball? | ||
| Have you ever gotten a semi? | ||
| What? | ||
| Did that come out? | ||
| No, but honestly, everybody chills out and everyone just plays. | ||
| I think it's kind of more on your volleyball tip in the sense that people are playing the game then. | ||
| It's not about like, I'm going to fucking elbow this guy in the face. | ||
| I'm going to play physical. | ||
| It's like people are actually applying the techniques of basketball. | ||
| There's some serious basketball drama. | ||
| It's almost like when dudes... | ||
| Well, in general, like extracurricular... | ||
| I'm not talking about martial arts and actual training that you're involved with. | ||
| My experience with extracurricular sporting activities are kickball and basketball and softball. | ||
| Those are huge in my world. | ||
| It's amazing because people get so into it. | ||
| And the ones that get angry... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| We're here to have fun, but at the same time, that kind of sometimes also makes it more fun because then there's that guy that everybody can be like, wow, look at fucking, I don't know, Ted. | ||
| When we were in Boston, we used to have a comedian softball game. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Every Monday. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I think it was. | ||
| Comics would get together and fucking yell at each other. | ||
| It was fucking safe! | ||
| We'd scream at each other over softball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's so funny! | |
| It's the jam! | ||
| P.S. Honey Honey is very athletic. | ||
| We love all sports, so if you guys want to get down... | ||
| You guys, alright. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Throwing the gauntlet down. | ||
| We swing a heavy bat, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, fucking Roadkill Ghost Choir right now. | ||
| You know Roadkill Ghost Choir? | ||
| Yeah, I've been going back and forth with them on Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| What? | ||
| They opened a show for us. | ||
| Oh, they're the best. | ||
| They're really fucking good, man. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| What a small world. | ||
| You guys are the best. | ||
| No, it's okay. | ||
| They're also awesome. | ||
| Everybody can be the best. | ||
| I really like those guys, though, a lot. | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| They're fucking badass. | ||
| They sent me one of their CDs. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| Ben, was that in Nashville? | ||
| I'm a producer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's my card. | |
| Hey, I love it! | ||
| This has got a dick on it. | ||
| What is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is this? | |
| This is a hotel kit. | ||
| Who the fuck are you? | ||
| Is that a suggestion? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| We're just throwing it at this. | ||
| Sometimes you gotta lay it out. | ||
| What it is. | ||
| Who knew this podcast would be so... | ||
| Dark. | ||
| ...homo-friendly. | ||
| They should all be homo-friendly. | ||
| Everybody should be friends. | ||
| You know what we shouldn't be? | ||
| We shouldn't be hetero... | ||
| We shouldn't be hetero-negative. | ||
| Hetero-exclusive. | ||
| That's what we shouldn't be. | ||
| First of all, I did not mean to say that. | ||
| I think you did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think you came from a deep part of yourself that is speaking to millions of people. | |
| First of all, I'm part gay. | ||
| Secondly... | ||
| How much? | ||
| 20%? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I can... | ||
| 20% sexy. | ||
| 50% is confusing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would say I'm 35. Damn. | |
| Like every few years. | ||
| That's a good number. | ||
| Every few years, give a chick a drunken sloppy kiss. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's fun. | |
| Nothing wrong with that. | ||
| No. | ||
| Men are not granted those kind gestures. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Go ahead. | ||
| Ask anything. | ||
| Have you ever kissed a man? | ||
| Never. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Never. | |
| Do you want to? | ||
| No. | ||
| But I did allow myself to ponder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah? | |
| Well, you got to. | ||
| When I was wondering about this Mick Jagger, David Bowie thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And I was thinking, okay. | ||
| Okay, am I really wrapped up tight and connected to this idea, not just of heterosexuality, but of lifelong heterosexual practice exclusively? | ||
| Like, am I so wrapped up in that that I couldn't give a man a kiss? | ||
| And then I was like, you better shut the fuck up, homo. | ||
| I said that to myself. | ||
| I said that to myself. | ||
| Trying to plant these thoughts in my head. | ||
| You gaybashed yourself. | ||
| Yes, I gaybashed myself. | ||
| Because I was trying to... | ||
| I was wondering. | ||
| I was like, okay, these guys... | ||
| I always... | ||
| I do little things where I will try to... | ||
| Experience things or go places or put my mind or my consciousness in an unusual situation because I think that when you have unusual experiences, even if you watch unusual DVDs or go to a strange place, you take in new information. | ||
| That new information interacts with all the other information in your head and you form maybe new creative ideas. | ||
| So I think as a person who tries to be creative, it's good to have as many experiences as possible. | ||
| Totally. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| There's a certain line that I go, I just don't think I can do that. | ||
| When I look at Mick Jagger and David Bowie, I wonder if they were like, fuck it, fuck everything, man. | ||
| Fuck homophobia. | ||
| Fuck, I'm a man, you're a man. | ||
| Fuck, I'm only attracted to women. | ||
| That's a quintessential rock star, though. | ||
| I think those are dudes with a different spectrum than you, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| It could also be drug-induced delirium. | ||
| And going through the... | ||
| I think those dudes at that time had probably been through enough to say, I've been to the limit. | ||
| I've seen the edge of the cliff. | ||
| But that's the old adage. | ||
| If you suck enough dicks one day, you're going to want to have sex with a woman. | ||
| Like if a gay guy gets to some breaking point. | ||
| I feel like that all the time. | ||
| He's had a hundred million dicks in his ass and mouth. | ||
| He's like, enough! | ||
| Blizzard of dicks. | ||
| Enough! | ||
| I want a woman. | ||
| Well, it doesn't happen. | ||
| But does it happen the other way? | ||
| Where a man, a straight man, has so many different female partners that one day he needs... | ||
| Okay, they fucked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to be the guy that says it. | |
| Who is the little spoon? | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| If you're lying on someone's shoulder and they put their arm around like that, what you do is you reach up at the left arm, you protect the neck. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| Don't use the thumb like this. | ||
| You want to do it like this. | ||
| You want to cup it and don't let go of that wrist. | ||
| Pin it down to your chest. | ||
| Dan, you gotta shrimp out. | ||
| I know you guys know about shrimp out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello! | |
| Hashtag shrimp out. | ||
| Oh man, everybody, it's so great. | ||
| It's so great at the show. | ||
| Sometimes people will just be like, Ben, shrimp out! | ||
| And it's like, yeah! | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| That is the only podcast. | ||
| What a beautiful thing. | ||
| What a beautiful part of our history here, Joe. | ||
| Oh, that's Lou Reed. | ||
| Wasn't that Lou Reed? | ||
| Um, is he cussing? | ||
| That's David Bowie. | ||
| I know David Bowie, but that looks like Lou Reed on the left. | ||
| It is Lou Reed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| David Bowie's a goddamn... | ||
| Or Steve Guttenberg. | ||
| David Bowie's a goddamn freak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a slut. | |
| He's a slut. | ||
| Just slinging dick all over town. | ||
| He's another fucking man. | ||
| He's the man. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Do you know what? | ||
| Ground Control, Major Tom. | ||
| I think that is the ultimate form of... | ||
| That's Elton John. | ||
| But that's a great song, too. | ||
| Same shit. | ||
| I'm talking about space. | ||
| Sorry, Ground Control, Major Tom, whatever. | ||
| You guys are just adorable. | ||
| That's fucking so cute. | ||
| Let me bond with John. | ||
| Why aren't you wearing matching t-shirts? | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| Give it time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Give it time. | |
| I didn't get my penguin package. | ||
| Oh, damn! | ||
| Remember when you were kids and people would have fake alligator shirts? | ||
| We would give you some of our stuff, but your muscles are too big. | ||
| I wear your shit. | ||
| You won't fit. | ||
| Fuck, we should have brought your dress. | ||
| We have new shirts. | ||
| Hold on, can I say something that's very relevant and important to this podcast? | ||
| You have a listener. | ||
| Who made us a piece of artwork. | ||
| Be careful what you say. | ||
| Well, look, dude, we've treated him with the utmost legal respect. | ||
| I'm not even kidding. | ||
| He made two bills. | ||
| His name is Bill Patterson. | ||
| And he put two dollar bills. | ||
| They were one dollar bills. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I've seen that. | |
| We made shirts out of that, dude. | ||
| That's like our merch. | ||
| That's a great picture. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fucking awesome. | |
| We have to get you guys t-shirts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Why didn't we bring those? | ||
| Fucking drop the bra. | ||
| Guys, we live in the same town now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| I think it's going to be fun. | ||
| You guys aren't living in Tennessee anymore. | ||
| We don't have apartments. | ||
| Do you have a spare bedroom? | ||
| We'll get you a place to stay. | ||
| When are we going hunting? | ||
| When do you want to? | ||
| All the time. | ||
| What do you want to shoot? | ||
| Now. | ||
| What do you want to eat? | ||
| It's looking like we're here in November. | ||
| I might... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Honey, honey. | ||
| Let's talk about this later. | ||
| Honey, honey goes pig hunting. | ||
| I'm down with that. | ||
| Wild pig hunting. | ||
| We have the most likelihood of success, like, of anything that we could do in, like, a close range. | ||
| But we have to take you guys. | ||
| Have you shot rifles before? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Both of you? | |
| But come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Together. | |
| With two fingers on the same trigger, brother. | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| That never happens. | ||
| It's a band. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Music! | ||
| They're a team! | ||
| My whiskey almost just came out my nose. | ||
| You posted something, and I mistakenly thought it was you. | ||
| My friend Cameron Haynes. | ||
| Drawing a bow on an elk. | ||
| But it really made me think, the caption underneath it, because it was talking about the practice and the discipline that it took to be able to make that shot and not hit the deer in the fucking haunch so it's crippled for the rest of his life but not dead. | ||
| And that gave me a new respect for hunting, honestly, because I was like, I don't want to go out there and shoot something... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You don't trophy hunt, though. | ||
| No, it's not about trophy hunting. | ||
| It's about not being a good enough shot or not being skilled enough to be able to kill the animal in a humane way. | ||
| Well, it is possible, if you go out hunting, that you could miss. | ||
| And Cam has missed. | ||
| Cameron Haynes has missed. | ||
| Steven Ranello is my friend who's a master hunter. | ||
| He has missed. | ||
| And they have all wounded animals. | ||
| It is a part of the process. | ||
| If you deny that part of the process, you're being dishonest. | ||
| sure but you need to practice due diligence to make sure that you minimize that in as much as is possible and so i think it's post was about my friend cameron hates is a world-famous bowhunter mean there's very few bow hunters are world-famous but he's a maniac he runs ultra marathons okay regularly runs marathons run two marathons in a weekend he's run like a friday marathon is that the end of the world did could be here it comes what the fuck is that i'm glad to be with you guys Holy shit! | ||
| Happy to be with you guys. | ||
| That's a really loud engine. | ||
| In the bunker. | ||
| Is that the Ebola plane? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| What the fuck was that? | ||
| So we're, uh, we're sitting here. | ||
| Holy shit, I thought Redman was doing something weird. | ||
| And it, it almost sounded, it's so loud, like a jet, it sounded like, uh, That was right over here. | ||
| Like a fucking jet was gonna crash in Canoga Park. | ||
| Hey, if this is it right now, like... | ||
| I love you guys, too. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I mean that. | ||
| I do. | ||
| This is okay. | ||
| We've been talking about meteor impacts on the show lately. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brian Callen and I got obsessed with meteor impacts. | ||
| We were on Prince of Wales. | ||
| We started talking about all the various meteor impacts and super volcanoes that have happened over the past X amount of years. | ||
| Brian's back. | ||
| Anything? | ||
| Did you get any info? | ||
| What's the intel? | ||
| We should probably, like, start checking the news sites. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| There was, like, top gun jets flying... | ||
| Oh, well, you know, Obama's in town. | ||
| Still? | ||
| I heard some shit this morning, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It's mayhem. | ||
| They came to get mayhem. | ||
| Was he here today as well? | ||
| Because he was here yesterday. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe he left today and he's on one of those fucking jets. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Find out. | ||
| I'm sad now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is this going to be like, this is the end here at the podcast? | |
| Do you have enough snacks? | ||
| We're almost out of whiskey! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| If we could get the fucking Taliban in the same room and give them some hash and we all eat it together, we could work this motherfucker out. | ||
| You know, we'll bring the entertainment musical part. | ||
| Musical entertainment. | ||
| What's going to happen is we're going to read, like, it's going to be the end of the world, and we only have, like, five minutes left, and then you two are going to kiss, and it's going to be... | ||
| Me and Ben, or me and Suzanne? | ||
| This is very important. | ||
| If we could do a three-way kiss. | ||
| If it's the end of the world, since this is it... | ||
| I say three-way kiss. | ||
| If this is our last time here on Earth, Brian, will you please say world? | ||
| World? | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| World. | ||
| He says W-R-L-L-O-D. World. | ||
| World. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Peace. | |
| I'm like, if it's the end, you could say world once. | ||
| I know you know how to say it. | ||
| Guys, that was fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that wasn't good. | ||
| That was weird. | ||
| That was so loud. | ||
| We're inside of a building. | ||
| You know, like a pretty thick ass fucking regular ass. | ||
| Everyone's outside. | ||
| We're going to be okay. | ||
| Are people standing outside? | ||
| Everyone's outside. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why we should really look at Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Anybody catch anything? | ||
| I guarantee it's just some people fucking showing off. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They're probably jerking off while they're flying really low. | ||
| I quit. | ||
| I quit this fucking job. | ||
| What's the best way? | ||
| Zero G jerk. | ||
| Jerk off while you're flying, go a thousand miles an hour, fifteen feet off the ground. | ||
| Go. | ||
| I couldn't do it, man. | ||
| Too much pressure. | ||
| I could do it. | ||
| Well, even if you don't come, at least you can say you did it. | ||
| Then what's the point? | ||
| I was jerking off. | ||
| Did you really do it then? | ||
| Most people won't even question you any further. | ||
| I was jerking off in a jet fifteen feet off the ground going a thousand miles an hour. | ||
| Was your dick hard? | ||
| Why are you asking me that? | ||
| Leave me alone. | ||
| All you have to do is just start pulling on your dick and technically speaking you were jerking off. | ||
| You flaccid. | ||
| You don't have to enjoy it. | ||
| I think you have to be out and really going to town to be jerking off. | ||
| That's not true though because you don't have a penis. | ||
| A man can be three quarters hard, half hard and still have the saddest orgasm of the year. | ||
| You know what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll be honest with you. | |
| The joke of shame. | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| Girls can have fucking mini-orgasms, too. | ||
| And it's like, that was okay. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not shameful. | ||
| It's not shameful. | ||
| There's a feeling of guilt, man. | ||
| Here's the difference. | ||
| If a girl calls up a friend that's a guy, say, a girl calls up a boyfriend and says, I was just masturbating. | ||
| I had like a half an orgasm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The guy will go, I'll come over and take care of that. | |
| Wait, first of all, Joey Diaz, you need to take care of that. | ||
| Sounds like a vocal fryer. | ||
| But if a guy calls up a girl he has sex with and he goes, I couldn't even totally get it up. | ||
| I just came all over myself. | ||
| Gross! | ||
| You're fucking gross! | ||
| The girl would be like, click. | ||
| No, I'd be like, do you want to watch a movie? | ||
| Yeah, she'll be like, do you want to just spoon then? | ||
| Do you want to watch Breaking Bad reruns? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| That's so hot. | ||
| Say it again. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Up, done, see ya. | ||
| Yeah, what? | ||
| Do you guys think we're okay outside? | ||
| No. | ||
| Should I call my mom? | ||
| Fuck the world. | ||
| We were just talking about non-voting. | ||
| We were. | ||
| We definitely were. | ||
| Being beaten down by this fucking stupid system that's been in place since we were babies. | ||
| We didn't ask for this stupid system. | ||
| We were born into it. | ||
| This goofy-ass system. | ||
| You dummies! | ||
| How do we work our way out of it without being involved? | ||
| We'll get Ben trying to fix the world. | ||
| Hold on, I have a yellow notepad and I'm going to take notes. | ||
| This is what I honestly think. | ||
| I think it's happening whether we like it or not. | ||
| It just takes a lot of time and it's very confusing. | ||
| It's very confusing along the way and we're in the middle of it. | ||
| It's a hurricane. | ||
| We're in the middle of the storm and we've taken this crazy weather, fucking cows and semis flying through the air. | ||
| We've taken it as being normal. | ||
| Did you just quote the movie Twister? | ||
| No, I sort of did. | ||
| Visually in my mind, I was thinking about a news footage of one of the most impressive news videos I ever saw was this Dallas video, we played on the podcast, of these semi-trailers in a tornado that were flying through the air, just spinning around in the air like they were paper cups, and they were semis. | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| That's another testament of the fucking miraculous thing, the ocean. | ||
| I got you, dog. | ||
| Nature gives zero fucks. | ||
| So I have an idea. | ||
| I have an idea. | ||
| Please. | ||
| Hold on, I'll write it down. | ||
| About the subject matter that we were discussing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Subject matter. | |
| Stop writing it down. | ||
| So, I think the world is in a crazy place, as we were discussing. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And, you know, there are people that are really, really, really fucking smart intellectually, can analyze and overanalyze and just inside out... | ||
| Ben's right there. | ||
| He's right there. | ||
| Just call it what it is. | ||
| Just say it. | ||
| His name's Ben. | ||
| No, Ben, you're a fucking brilliant motherfucker, and I love you, and I'm so glad you're my partner. | ||
| I love you, too. | ||
| We're having a good time. | ||
| But... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got his issues, let's be honest. | |
| I'm not a good listener. | ||
| You're a great listener. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Stop bringing yourself down. | ||
| Did you say mako penis? | ||
| Micro. | ||
| Oh, micro. | ||
| It's all about precision, bro. | ||
| Precision. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| I'm staying out of this one. | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| There's not a lot of precision involved when you're caught in a sleeve. | ||
| What is important... | ||
| Is that a foreskin joke? | ||
| Because Ben's Jewish. | ||
| No, a vagina being a physical sleeve. | ||
| Sleeve, hood, what's the difference? | ||
| That envelops the penis. | ||
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| Hold on, now I really do need to write this down. | ||
| The penis goes in the vagina. | ||
| It's inside. | ||
| Well, you can go outside. | ||
| You've got to be really good at it. | ||
| You've got to be really good at it. | ||
| The slapping and the crying. | ||
| You can't spit in everyone's mouth. | ||
| You can't try it on everyone. | ||
| You gotta know. | ||
| I'm gonna need to be proven wrong on that. | ||
| It's like a terrible joke. | ||
| You have to know when you can get away with it. | ||
| And you don't know why you know, but you do know you know. | ||
| I'm so glad I didn't tell my mom about this podcast today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so glad. | |
| When a girl sticks her tongue out and you just spit on it, and she just swallows it, and you know, this party is about to get fucking serious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| When she doesn't even flinch. | ||
| I just got intimidated. | ||
| You grab it in the back right here and you spit in her mouth. | ||
| And she just reaches her head up and tongues you and whoa. | ||
| And then she's like, I know I'm about to get some double penetration. | ||
| You can't even believe you spit in her mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you can't even believe that she just swallowed it to let you know how gangster she is. | ||
| No, there's a camera in that room. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Ben, why do you gotta go there? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's all I need to do. | ||
| Ben, why did you have to take the beauty out of it? | ||
| I just want to capture it. | ||
| There's a lot of beauty in spitting in people's mouths. | ||
| I saw Tate spit in someone's mouth. | ||
| Were you there? | ||
| Remember that one? | ||
| Don Barris gets it almost once a week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was going to say something really deep and sensitive. | |
| My friend Tate is a complete and total savage. | ||
| OG savage. | ||
| Original death squad crew. | ||
| Tate is an animal. | ||
| He was making out with this girl once and she goes spit in my mouth. | ||
| He just pulls her hair back and Fucking spits right in front of everybody. | ||
| I didn't look around. | ||
| Again! | ||
| It's happening again! | ||
| Did we run outside? | ||
| Jamie just ran outside. | ||
| Jamie, bring your camera. | ||
| Brian ran outside too. | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| Is this going to be Red Dawn? | ||
| I think we're pretty close to a naval base. | ||
| I don't think this is that big of a deal. | ||
| If this is Red Dawn, I'm so grateful to be where we are. | ||
| Here's the problem, white privilege. | ||
| We're sitting here in fucking Canoga Park thinking about what's going on. | ||
| Did you just call us white privilege? | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| This fighter jet's going over. | ||
| That doesn't have anything to do with race, brother. | ||
| Do you think it's Russia? | ||
| And it's all going to make sense. | ||
| What I'm saying is, we look at war as something that happens in another place. | ||
| And we support war. | ||
| If we do support war, we never think that it has to come anywhere near us. | ||
| We never think that it has to come anywhere near us. | ||
| We just don't. | ||
| We think that it's happening in Iraq. | ||
| It's happening in Afghanistan. | ||
| It's been happening there for 12 fucking years. | ||
| More than that. | ||
| Thousands of years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| But with us. | ||
| Yeah, no, I get it. | ||
| What'd you see, Jamie? | ||
| He's going to make sure it's okay. | ||
| Well, he is one of the best investigative reporters in the Los Angeles era. | ||
| So if Brian Redman is on the case, he's out there smoking a cigarette. | ||
| He's going to come back inside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's going to go, I was looking. | |
| He is smoking a cigarette, isn't he? | ||
| Of course he is. | ||
| Motherfucker. | ||
| Of course he is. | ||
| He can't help himself. | ||
| He's a junkie. | ||
| Poor bastard. | ||
| You don't need to do that, Susan. | ||
| Those vape pens don't work. | ||
| Do you want to go out there with them and smoke a cigarette? | ||
| No, I don't smoke anymore. | ||
| I don't smoke anymore. | ||
| And I quit my vape pens. | ||
| I found out there was formaldehyde in them. | ||
| That might be fucking R.J. Reynolds propaganda. | ||
| Whatever, I feel fine. | ||
| I don't smoke them anymore. | ||
| I have more energy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You felt bad before? | |
| No, I definitely felt more like tension. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I've been taking the yoga. | ||
| Dang it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The yoga. | |
| I feel so at peace and I'm so happy. | ||
| I'm serious. | ||
| Yoga's so good. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Whenever I do it, I go, God damn, I should do this more often. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| What kind of yoga do you do? | ||
| I do a bunch of different kinds, but I like fucking Bikrams, man. | ||
| People talk shit about Bikrams. | ||
| I like calling it hot yoga because apparently, I don't even feel bad saying this, Bikram, the guy who developed this brand, which is a series of poses, and he kind of... | ||
| Took for himself as his own. | ||
| Is a douche. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's just going to give you enlightenment through the head of his penis. | ||
| Everybody has a different method. | ||
| Some have koans. | ||
| Is the sound of one hand clapping any more offensive than him trying to fuck you? | ||
| Speaking of enlightenment. | ||
| I'm going to say yes. | ||
| Go ahead and answer that confidently. | ||
| But you just said yes. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You said it's more offensive. | ||
| It's more... | ||
| The sound of one hand clapping is more offensive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I misspoke. | |
| You fucked it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry. | |
| I blew it. | ||
| You just sound like a rape apologist right there. | ||
| You asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hate. | |
| Everyone's got their opinion. | ||
| White privilege. | ||
| Rape apologist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Asshole. | |
| Oh, man. | ||
| Asshole. | ||
| I'm part South American. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, at least you're Spaniard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm thinking native, actually. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Went there. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Redemption. | ||
| I'm driving. | ||
| Joey Diaz always says that about our pal Eddie Bravo. | ||
| Eddie Bravo will get a couple of drinks and get a little freaky. | ||
| Eddie Bravo's great. | ||
| I love Eddie Bravo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that guy. | |
| He's my brother. | ||
| But Eddie Bravo, he even adopted the phrase, Joey Diaz called it when the Indian comes out, because South Americans are essentially, like Mexicans especially, are Indians mixed with Spaniards. | ||
| Like the Incas? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And Spaniards. | ||
| The Incas and the Spaniards. | ||
| That's the root of a lot of people from Mexico. | ||
| That's why there's like Spaniard, like Oscar de la Hoya looking Mexicans. | ||
| And then there's... | ||
| The Oaxacans. | ||
| That's more of a... | ||
| Well, there's some Mexicans that look very Native American. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what Joey Diaz would say. | ||
| The Indian's coming out. | ||
| Look at Eddie Bravo, that fucking Indian's coming out. | ||
| Because Indians and their notorious issues with alcohol. | ||
| Dude, my... | ||
| Dude, you raised your hand like you were. | ||
| Well, my grandmother is half Ojibwa, Chippewa Indian. | ||
| Do you get money from the casino? | ||
| No, not the casino, but if I wanted to go to school and live on a reservation, I could receive the benefits. | ||
| I know, I'm white as goat cheese, but it's true. | ||
| You're half a grandma. | ||
| My Grammy, yeah. | ||
| Grandma's half, so mom's a quarter. | ||
| Yeah, so I'm pretty much drunk after two drinks. | ||
| I'm fucking wasted. | ||
| You're an eighth? | ||
| I'm an eighth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You get money up to your 16th, right? | ||
| Getting money, that's very complicated. | ||
| You have to live on a reservation. | ||
| Are you willing? | ||
| No. | ||
| At one point I thought about it, but I'm in Los Angeles. | ||
| I don't want to move back to Minnesota. | ||
| Not that I lived in Minnesota ever, but that's where a lot of my family is from. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is there a reservation here? | |
| Oh, there's a couple of reservations. | ||
| Yeah, there's the casinos. | ||
| Some of the casinos are owned by Native Americans. | ||
| Well, yeah, I know that, but I didn't realize it was a reservation this year. | ||
| You got a fun fact? | ||
| I got a fun fact, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You go first. | |
| It's actually an unfun fact, but in the state of California, in the casinos, why do I know this? | ||
| Because I like to gamble. | ||
| You can't throw dice. | ||
| It's illegal to throw dice in the state of California. | ||
| So, if you want to play craps, which I love to play, they have a deck of cards and they flip two cards and then you attribute that to... | ||
| That's gross! | ||
| What, you have to use cards instead of fucking dice? | ||
| You can't roll the cards. | ||
| Red man, what's going on? | ||
| Are we gonna live? | ||
| There's just fighter jets everywhere. | ||
| I'm telling you, it's Red Dawn. | ||
| Did you lock the door on your way back in? | ||
| Why don't you look up fighter jets LA? Yeah, there's a lot of people like, hey, we're hearing all these fighter jets, and then in San Francisco there was a couple of hours earlier. | ||
| We have to accept the fact that we're doing some creepy shit in other countries, and if it comes back to haunt us... | ||
| Look, these people are slowly showing up with Ebola. | ||
| The guy in Dallas died. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone else is... | ||
| Spain is a nurse in Spain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Someone flew... | ||
| I mean, but in this country. | ||
| I'm not going to Spain. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My fault. | |
| Some woman just came here from... | ||
| I think it was Liberia or something like that, and she has... | ||
| In Los Angeles? | ||
| Police advise motorists to avoid portions of West Side due to Obama visit. | ||
| So it might be that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
he's here still so So I gotta say something. | |
| The power that that dude travels around with. | ||
| Well, that position. | ||
| If it was Mitt Romney, the same power. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I'm not attributing it to him, but we were talking to a friend. | ||
| Where is Mitt Romney? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What's he been doing? | ||
| About it. | ||
| He's reading the Mormon Bible. | ||
| Let's talk about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fine. | |
| You know what I think? | ||
| You do know what you think. | ||
| You know what he thinks? | ||
| You don't, because you didn't say it. | ||
| Actually, most of the time I do, to be honest with you. | ||
| We share the same goddamn brain. | ||
| If you had to think, what would you think he'd be thinking right now? | ||
| He's like, oh, I want to play guitar. | ||
| No, no, he was talking about Obama. | ||
| He was talking about Obama wielding power. | ||
| What were you going to say? | ||
| No, I was just, you know, Ben, do you want to talk? | ||
| Yeah, I was talking to him. | ||
| No, it's okay. | ||
| He's thinking, Suzanne, I want to talk and you interrupted me. | ||
| Listen, you guys are just both polite. | ||
| That's why this is awkward. | ||
| We're nice people. | ||
| If one of you is a bulldog, you just control this conversation. | ||
| There's this mean kid in junior high who used to call me bulldog. | ||
| That fucking motherfucker. | ||
| He had a crush on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course he did. | |
| You know what, but he... | ||
| Where's he now? | ||
| Bad game. | ||
| Why didn't you develop sooner? | ||
| Well, here's what you need to learn about a lot of dudes. | ||
| Nobody teaches us how to talk to girls. | ||
| We just sort of have to figure it out when we're 13. And we do a terrible job for the first 7 or 14 years of our lives. | ||
| And then somewhere around 30, we slowly start to get it together. | ||
| That's why a lot of girls date older guys, and then you get into trouble. | ||
| Why were you better then? | ||
| What was your approach? | ||
| It's what I was talking about with writing before earlier. | ||
| I think you just let it flow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you let it flow back then. | |
| I wasn't too worried about it. | ||
| Now you calculate it. | ||
| Now you're looking for Mrs. Ben. | ||
| No, I'm being okay. | ||
| I'm getting better. | ||
| Better? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| How bad were you at your worst? | ||
| When you're like, I've hit rock bottom. | ||
| Probably 24, 25. What were you doing back then? | ||
| It's just kind of like an air of desperation in everything I said. | ||
| Oh, that's so sad. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| I've never had like the single years. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I've always been like the girlfriend. | ||
| One girlfriend, next girlfriend. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The single years are great if you're successful. | ||
| But if you're unsuccessful, it's horrible and lonely. | ||
| It can be very sad. | ||
| Well, and there's also that sort of, like, stigma of, like, I'm the man. | ||
| I need to take the lady out and impress her. | ||
| But it's like, I've been sleeping on my friend's couch for two months. | ||
| Do you want to go out? | ||
| Yeah, there's also that thing that you realize, like, when you're really struggling as an artist, I guess, as a musician. | ||
| Definitely as a comedian, it's very similar. | ||
| But you don't, you know, you know. | ||
| You don't have any money, you don't have nothing. | ||
| You have pure wits. | ||
| I don't believe in that shit, though. | ||
| That could go a long way. | ||
| I think that if wherever you're at and who you are and where you're going is up to whatever, I don't fucking know. | ||
| Allah? | ||
| The ether. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The ether? | |
| Can we go with Buddha? | ||
| Stop playing guitar. | ||
| Can we say Buddha? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Buddha. | |
| But, you know, when you meet somebody that's like, I think you're fucking awesome. | ||
| I don't care that you're not where you want to be financially or professionally. | ||
| I think you're awesome. | ||
| What you need to do is run a background check on that motherfucker and find out if he's just using you for your apartment. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| When was the last time? | ||
| How come you never go home, man? | ||
| Where's your clothes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You didn't even have your own toothbrush, you fucking weirdo. | |
| You're wearing my deodorant. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Man, I dated two guys that wore women's deodorant. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It smells like peaches. | ||
| But I wear men's deodorant, so take that for what it's worth. | ||
| What kind of men's deodorant do you wear? | ||
| I wear Dove. | ||
| Actually, it's in my purse. | ||
| Brian Callen just told me about some natural... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love the way it smells. | |
| It's so clean. | ||
| Brian Callen just told me about some natural deodorant that I have to try. | ||
| He said it's like an aloe vera-based deodorant that really works. | ||
| It's a natural deodorant. | ||
| And he's the first one to tell you that natural deodorants are most... | ||
| Most of the time they're bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't last long usually. | ||
| It's usually they last a couple hours, but it depends how smelly you are. | ||
| I'm a stinky motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you are. | |
| Do you want some deodorant? | ||
| I've got some right here. | ||
| Strong enough for a man, made for men. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not that guy. | ||
| Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, if I put it on, there's going to be problems. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What type of problems, Joe? | ||
| Like my... | ||
| Like your pit hair is going to get stuck in my deodorant. | ||
| My smell will go to war with that wimpy-ass fucking flowery foodie bullshit. | ||
| I said I wear men's deodorant. | ||
| No, I understand, but... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I got your back. | |
| Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman? | ||
| Was that like sure? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was that? | |
| Secret. | ||
| Secret. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's strong enough for a man, but it's made for a woman. | |
| Isn't that funny how, like, one advertising slogan like that can just fucking give a hoot, don't pollute? | ||
| That's stuck. | ||
| Skittles, like, taste the rainbow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| It's great! | ||
| It's the real thing. | ||
| Coke. | ||
| The real thing. | ||
| Coke's the real thing. | ||
| It'll clean your car battery. | ||
| That's for sure. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a Coca-Cola yesterday, which I hadn't had years. | ||
| You had a few sips, and I had the other few sips. | ||
| You drained the whole thing when you weren't there. | ||
| No, you didn't, because I had a... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| How do you feel about yourself as a man? | ||
| Kind of bad. | ||
| Honestly, I wasn't into it. | ||
| When we find out that some people drink like eight or nine of those in a day. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That is horrifying. | ||
| Or like, you know, when we're on the road, you see truckers come in with like a fucking big gulps, like the whole thing, and they'll fill the whole thing up with Mountain Dew, and the whole time I'm like, oh my god, cancer. | ||
| Like, I just think about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so bad for you. | |
| I was driving across the country recently, and I looked at some truckers. | ||
| Sorry, I love everybody. | ||
| Don't drink that shit. | ||
| Just drink water, and then drink beer later, the good stuff. | ||
| I've been saying that for years. | ||
| I was looking at the back of some trucker's truck, and they were advertising four more drivers, and they said 50 cents a mile or something. | ||
| And the average is 6,000 miles. | ||
| You can't exceed a certain mileage limit. | ||
| And I realize what these dudes are doing, because sometimes I actually think about this, because we drive so much, and I'm like, if this doesn't work out, what am I qualified to do? | ||
| Music is what I meant. | ||
| I could be a truck driver, honestly, because I've driven so fucking much. | ||
| Sometimes I think about this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't fucking believe that. | |
| There's just thoughts that come into my head. | ||
| Why do you think about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You masochist. | |
| Why do I think about that? | ||
| I don't know, just like a residual, hey man, you got like a fear, you know, residual fear from saying, okay, you're confronting something. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sorry I called you a masochist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, no, I think it's a very natural thing, you know what I mean? | |
| I'm going into a risky thing. | ||
| You know what, you could always come work for my, we could sell pizza together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the truth. | |
| I always think about that. | ||
| Like, oh shit, if this doesn't work, we'll move back to Cleveland and work at Santos Pizza and Pasta. | ||
| That's part of the reason I've invested in you so much because I know there's a backup contingency. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look, I support you. | |
| Honey Honey Band. | ||
| Follow them on Twitter and Instagram. | ||
| Honey Honey Band. | ||
| Don't stop talking. | ||
| They want you to love them. | ||
| Hey, speaking of advertisements... | ||
| Let's just talk about what you want to talk about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fine. | |
| We should talk about our tour. | ||
| Are you guys battling it out right now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is it, dude. | |
| If this were... | ||
| Is your tour going out right now? | ||
| Joe, you don't even know. | ||
| Does it get ugly? | ||
| It gets fucking real, man. | ||
| It gets fucking real. | ||
| I don't want to hear that. | ||
| But that's real life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's natural. | |
| That's natural. | ||
| But I want to think that you guys are the way you are when you're here all the time. | ||
| I want to think that you are the way everybody was on Cheers and they sat around the bar. | ||
| I don't want to think that anybody got on prescription antidepressants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where's that guy? | |
| That's Taxi. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| Go watch the Jets outside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woody Harrelson! | |
| Woody Harrelson was in Cheers! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was born in 1985. Wait, I thought he was in Cheers. | |
| No, his wife was in Cheers. | ||
| Goddammit, thank you. | ||
| You were born in 1985? | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| That's when I graduated from high school. | ||
| I was 17. You were a baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| And I was like, hi, baby. | ||
| I turned 30 in January. | ||
| Hi, little baby. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Are you scared? | ||
| Yeah, we're pre-30, man. | ||
| Now I'm excited. | ||
| You're both beautiful. | ||
| Hey, thanks, babe. | ||
| Thanks, Jeff. | ||
| Looking good. | ||
| I think you do, too, honestly. | ||
| Thank you, sweet darling. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| You're very symmetrical. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I feel symmetrical. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In an odd way. | ||
| My geometry's off, though. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Can I ask you? | ||
| You're a beautiful specimen of a man. | ||
| Can I completely fucking take a left-hand turn here? | ||
| This is something, because I think of questions in my life, and honestly, you're the only dude I can think of that might answer them. | ||
| Here comes some gay shit. | ||
| Again. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Now you've made me timid. | ||
| I'm going to take a second. | ||
| I thought we were open here. | ||
| We don't know if the world's going to end in the next 20 minutes. | ||
| You know a lot about this shit. | ||
| Well, we have enough weed if it ends in the next 20 minutes. | ||
| If it goes more than an hour, we're going to have to go outside. | ||
| Okay, I want to be Seth Rogen's character. | ||
| We're going to have to call speed weed. | ||
| And this is the end. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, that was a great movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Goddamn, that movie was funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to go up into the light. | |
| It's a rated movie, right? | ||
| When the demons come. | ||
| Fucking, what's his name? | ||
| Eastbound and Down? | ||
| Danny McBride? | ||
| Danny McBride. | ||
| He's the man. | ||
| He's the man. | ||
| He's one of my favorite people ever. | ||
| Love that guy. | ||
| You gotta get him on the podcast. | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| He probably wouldn't do it, but if he did, I'd hug him. | ||
| Would you kiss him on the mouth? | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| Is that what's all it took to get him on the podcast? | ||
| Is this a status thing so it begins? | ||
| No, I love him. | ||
| I'd kiss you on the mouth. | ||
| If I had to kiss you on the mouth to get you back on the podcast, I'd kiss you on the mouth. | ||
| Can I ask my fucking question? | ||
| What's your question? | ||
| I just have a weed question. | ||
| I might bite your lower lip just as a weed question. | ||
| Ben's gonna become derailed. | ||
| What's your question? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I already am. | |
| He's a little... | ||
| Did you guys argue before you got here? | ||
| Is this what's going on? | ||
| No, today was a really good day. | ||
| Like Ice Cube? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good day? | |
| Or like first day on Celexa. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I don't even care about my question anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was your question, brother? | |
| It's just about weed. | ||
| So I used to smoke a ton of weed. | ||
| Just too much weed. | ||
| What happened, pussy? | ||
| You're not even 30. No, I can't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hit the wall. | |
| I don't feel like this is a safe space. | ||
| I got to lie! | ||
| This doesn't feel like a safe space anymore. | ||
| I'm confused. | ||
| Am I on a planet? | ||
| Hey guys, Ben is in a safe space. | ||
| Stick up for me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I will. | |
| Sort of in a safe space. | ||
| There's a werewolf right out that door. | ||
| You know what doesn't help? | ||
| I know, and I'll fucking beat the shit out of that werewolf. | ||
| I love you so much. | ||
| You know what doesn't help? | ||
| A lot when... | ||
| God, am I being misogynistic? | ||
| When I'm struggling and you come up and save me. | ||
| It's kind of like, oh. | ||
| Yeah, you are being misogynistic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, that's a little misogynistic. | |
| No, Suzanne was a man. | ||
| If you were Sam instead of Suzanne, and a man had to save you every time you fucking hit the wall, then the dream would have come down. | ||
| He'd be like, what the fuck? | ||
| First of all, I think you need to let go of that. | ||
| We're partners, so we take care of each other. | ||
| Still haven't asked my question. | ||
| And I know you can answer your question, but you are being misogynistic. | ||
| If I were a dude and I was like, yo, bro, my fucking dude's got something to say. | ||
| Did you guys know that Brody Stevens is 84% gay? | ||
| Who's Brody Stevens? | ||
| I don't know who that is either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that your dad? | |
| Inside joke. | ||
| Who's Brody Stevens? | ||
| He might as well be. | ||
| I'd love him like a father. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's your question? | |
| Ben, what's your question? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay. | ||
| So I didn't smoke weed for a while and I do it every once in a while. | ||
| And I feel like I get a cognitive boost when I do it. | ||
| Am I crazy? | ||
| No. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What element of marijuana slash THC is doing that? | ||
| Well... | ||
| It's like cocaine. | ||
| P.S. There's a rule. | ||
| Ben can't smoke weed when we're working because he's like, you want to do this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to do that? | |
| Oh, that's a great fucking idea. | ||
| Just to frame the situation, if we have to do an all-night drive, I'll smoke because I can't fall asleep. | ||
| Literally, if I smoke, it would be about five hours before I go to sleep. | ||
| Well, I would imagine it's because the way your body reacts to cannabis is that your body, your creativity starts to fire up. | ||
| And your mind starts to embrace different possibilities than you would do if you were sober. | ||
| It relaxes your inhibitions a little and lets you pursue ideas that maybe because of the fact that you're in this precarious position in your career, in your life, and that you're constantly filled with angst like most 30-year-old men. | ||
| 29. Fuck, I'm 47. I'm filled with it. | ||
| No, you're not. | ||
| Yes, I'm 47. What the fuck, Joe? | ||
| Wow, you guys fucking did it. | ||
| But Red Band's 40. Yeah. | ||
| You got some youthful motherfuckers. | ||
| But we don't work. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| We don't have real jobs. | ||
| Yes, you do. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| I'm telling you I don't. | ||
| What's a real job? | ||
| Do you make a living? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Trust me. | ||
| A real job is doing something you don't want to do, but you do it anyway. | ||
| We don't have real jobs. | ||
| Brian, do you have a real job? | ||
| Look, I was getting literal. | ||
| Brian doesn't have a real job. | ||
| I don't have a real job. | ||
| There's no real jobs here. | ||
| There's no real jobs. | ||
| That's a big part of aging is to regret and despair. | ||
| You're not in the weeds anymore. | ||
| You're smoking weeds. | ||
| Perfectly said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the perfect way to say it. | |
| My point being, everybody who smokes weed, who doesn't smoke it very often, it has a big impact on you. | ||
| Marijuana is one of those things where it hits you when you don't do it a lot. | ||
| It hits you harder, faster, and more profoundly. | ||
| Because you have these things in your brain, allegedly, apparently, from what I've read, Called cannabinoid receptors that are literally designed to accept the influence of cannabis. | ||
| And that's what they're there for. | ||
| And it comes from a just gigantic history of human beings consuming cannabis. | ||
| These cannabinoid receptors are also fired, they believe, when people do long-distance running, like jogging. | ||
| People say they get that runner's high. | ||
| It has a similar sort of an effect. | ||
| So endorphins, you mean? | ||
| Well, there's a bunch of different things that happen inside the mind. | ||
| There's different neurotransmitters that get activated. | ||
| There's dopamine and serotonin. | ||
| A lot of those are exercise related. | ||
| But a lot of those are also related to the consumption of psychedelic plants. | ||
| And marijuana is a big one. | ||
| It's a giant part. | ||
| See, we have this fucking idea that everything that is the way it is from the time that we've been alive and our parents have been alive and the fucking just say no to drugs from the The Reagan administration was here, that this is the way the world has always been. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| The world has been about consuming cannabis for thousands and thousands and thousands of years. | ||
| But we're growing up in a society where fucking financial interests have figured out a way to control the consumption of gigantic amounts of people, the consumption of one of the most fantastic plants the world has ever known. | ||
| So, when you do get a hold of one, and it It fires you up and you start thinking about shit and you're flying through space and you have all these ideas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What it is is because it's awesome. | |
| That's why. | ||
| That's the only reason. | ||
| Why you smoke it and you just can't shut the fuck up because you're driving across country? | ||
| Those are thoughts that you're caging up in your mind. | ||
| Like you've got a pinata of ideas. | ||
| And you come along with a hatchet. | ||
| And the hatchet, it's in the shape of a joint. | ||
| And you fire up that joint and it just... | ||
| Shop away at that stupid fucking fake elephant. | ||
| And candy comes pouring out. | ||
| And that candy is these ideas that you've been sort of containing in your mind and storing up and processing with no outlet. | ||
| And just backing up. | ||
| Chemically, what's doing that? | ||
| I'm obviously not a neuroscientist. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And I probably have brain damage. | ||
| So what you should do, if I would suggest, if I wasn't me, I would say, don't listen to that dude. | ||
| He's probably got a couple good ideas that he memorized from some website. | ||
| But everything else is most likely nonsense. | ||
| So what you should do is Google. | ||
| Google the marijuana's effects on the mind. | ||
| And just... | ||
| There's a lot of bullshit out there. | ||
| P.S. I think it affects everyone very differently. | ||
| Which is also strange. | ||
| The same weed that we could smoke together. | ||
| Is it though? | ||
| Because that's everything. | ||
| It's peanuts. | ||
| Some people eat fish. | ||
| Some people eat shellfish and they die. | ||
| But I think that's a minority. | ||
| That's a tiny minority. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| No, it's not a minority. | ||
| It's a minority in terms of it's less than 100% of the population. | ||
| It's less than 50%. | ||
| It's probably less than 10% of people who are allergic to like Whatever, cats. | ||
| There's people that'll die if they're in a room filled with cats. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's true. | |
| Biodiversity's real. | ||
| Well, it's like you could drink a glass of wine and be fine. | ||
| You could drink a glass of vodka and be a fucking lunatic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but nobody... | |
| The way that your body receives these things is complex and, you know... | ||
| But that's just alcohol by volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| A glass of wine only has a certain amount. | ||
| A glass of vodka has much more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I was just basically talking about what you were just saying is that every person is different. | ||
| Everything affects them differently. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| I'm really sensitive to weed. | ||
| Do you get high just being in this room? | ||
| I'm fucking off my rocker right now. | ||
| Also, I'm kind of drunk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's find out. | |
| I'm kind of drunk. | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a little drunk. | |
| Do you guys want to hear my stone chord? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I have to pee. | ||
| Go pee. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Whenever I talk about being stoned, I go like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll see you later Let's have the bands back together Let's have the bands back together In the sunshine of your life. | |
| That's beautiful, man. | ||
| That is beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I think it affects you, to answer your question, in all earnestness. | ||
| I think it's just because you don't do it a lot. | ||
| Okay, I can accept that. | ||
| But I just got curious. | ||
| Well, when I take time off, it does that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm just curious about what specific process is happening to make me feel like, holy shit, I actually have access to all these different thought patterns now. | ||
| You know, I don't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me give you some advice, my friend. | |
| Yes, yes, please tell me. | ||
| When a hard-on comes, don't question how I got my dick so hard. | ||
| Just accept the fact that your penis is in fact ready. | ||
| Don't think of pills. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Look, your body is flowing in a wash of chemicals. | ||
| Is it your fault that the baby Jesus did not bless you with the proper dick chemicals? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it is not. | |
| I just gotta accept it. | ||
| I gotta live with what I got. | ||
| You don't have to live with what you got. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| What's my choice? | ||
| Because people are smarter than the creator. | ||
| People have figured Viagra. | ||
| You know, the creator said, listen, I want you to hit about 52, 53, and you dick's gonna punch out. | ||
| Dick's going to go, that's about it. | ||
| I just got to say this. | ||
| My dad was 63 when he had me. | ||
| Do you watch him fuck? | ||
| Every time. | ||
| Every time. | ||
| He probably takes... | ||
| Every single time. | ||
| He probably takes bamboo and ties it to his dick and stretches it out to keep it hard. | ||
| Tapes it in place. | ||
| Thank you for saying that beautiful thing. | ||
| When you watch him, do you just look back at it? | ||
| Like, hate it? | ||
| It's kind of like I'm seeing my own future. | ||
| Duct tape and kite string. | ||
| He just keeps his cock. | ||
| No, but I'm serious. | ||
| I'm proud of my dad about this, honestly, because I have a very old dad. | ||
| My dad's super fucking old. | ||
| How old's he now? | ||
| Guess. | ||
| 80. Nope. | ||
| 1,000. | ||
| Almost. | ||
|
unidentified
|
92. 92. 93. Oh my god, how's he doing? | |
| He just broke his hip. | ||
| But he's okay. | ||
| He's doing great, man, because he's keeping... | ||
| He has a seriously... | ||
| He is all the way there. | ||
| He's with you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And he's keeping the attitude. | ||
| He recognizes that if he gets depressed, which is totally reasonable, the fact that if he falls down, which is what happened, he tripped, fell down, and fucking broke the ball off of his hip. | ||
| Just by falling down. | ||
| His bones are that brittle. | ||
| But he knows that if he accepts that as, I don't know, as serious as some people might, he's done. | ||
| He's literally done. | ||
| So he's with it, man. | ||
| He's positive. | ||
| He's feeling good. | ||
| That's all of our future. | ||
| I mean, we're all going to be 93 if we don't get hit in the head by a fucking meteor or if those jets don't mean business. | ||
| This could be the last day. | ||
| I would have enjoyed it. | ||
| That's one of the big problems of being a person, is that we all have the ability to understand that we're finite. | ||
| We all know it, we rationalize it, we have it in our head, but it never sort of reaches our immediate consciousness. | ||
| It always sort of sits in the periphery as some future possibility. | ||
| You know what I think is the trickling down of that? | ||
| Mindset is us looking at our times as unique in terms of how desperate things are or how close we are to the edge of something. | ||
| The idea that, okay, this is it. | ||
| Look at all this chaos in the world. | ||
| I think it's always been like that. | ||
| But our way of communicating with mortality is saying, no, this time is unique. | ||
| Well, this time is unique, though. | ||
| Well, of course it's unique in the sense that the events that are happening now have never happened before. | ||
| I think that's the number one draw of it. | ||
| I mean, it's nice to be nostalgic and look at it in relationship to the times that were unique in the 70s and the 60s and the 40s. | ||
| Every time has been the pinnacle of human interaction. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Like, at this moment right now, 2014, we are at the front of the line. | ||
| Of what it is to be a person. | ||
| We really are. | ||
| We're at the front. | ||
| We're at the front with phones. | ||
| We're at the front with social media. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We've evolved. | |
| With this. | ||
| This is fucking crazy. | ||
| With podcasts. | ||
| What we're doing right now. | ||
| The ability to talk to people. | ||
| Like, do you really be Ben? | ||
| Do you really be Suzanne? | ||
| Do you really be me? | ||
| Brian is sort of him. | ||
| But even he is confused as to what the fuck is going on. | ||
| Brian, you look fucking amazing, dude. | ||
| You look fucking great. | ||
| We just learned that Brian's 40 years old. | ||
| He's a sexy bitch! | ||
| Skin like a newborn, honestly. | ||
| Look at his mustache. | ||
| Got all his hair, keeping the weight off. | ||
| He's got a good woman in his life. | ||
| Should go to... | ||
| Dinner. | ||
| He doesn't have a job. | ||
| I have a show after this. | ||
| I'm doing the Ice House in Pasadena, and then I'm doing the improv. | ||
| Does this mean we're not hanging out after? | ||
| We're hanging out. | ||
| Can I backtrack for one second? | ||
| What you just said, Ben, calm down. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| We live in the same town. | ||
| What you were just saying about where we're at right now evolved, and we're on this podcast, and we're speaking in our truth, in our own way. | ||
| That gives me hope. | ||
| Because all of the sort of sanitized media and the things that you are given on a regular basis and the information that's coming through, I'm always doubtful. | ||
| I'm always weary and nervous. | ||
| I just don't believe it. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure there's some actual... | ||
| You know, reality to it, but I think there's always an agenda with major media market and whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right, right. | |
| We're talking about different things here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. | |
| But as far as, you know, you were talking about like the current state of like our mortality and, and, you know, our, our visual of like, Ooh, it's really bad or it's how, how it is. | ||
| I think that... | ||
| The way that we perceive the world now, you have options. | ||
| And options like podcasts or really learning about someone else's viewpoint from their, like right out of the horse's mouth on a podcast that's not funded by, you know, a major oil company or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's where I feel a little more comfort. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Am I confusing anybody? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| We're having this conversation. | ||
| We're friends. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| We're doing a different thing than we would be doing if we were just hanging out. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Because we know that people are listening. | ||
| So we're doing this different thing where we're trying to be really clear. | ||
| You're doing a great job of trying not to talk over Suzanne. | ||
| I'm not good at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's okay. | |
| I'm working on it. | ||
| What we're doing is there's no other influences other than us. | ||
| We know what we're doing. | ||
| We have this idea that, okay, we're putting out something that people are going to receive and it's going to be entertaining. | ||
| And we have our minor biases. | ||
| We're in a band. | ||
| We sound a record deal and all this shit, but we're not – I understand what you're saying. | ||
| I think I'm just trying to be super literalist. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| No, I don't even think it's that. | ||
| We do this all the time. | ||
| It's a weird form of expression, right? | ||
| It's a weird form of expression where you're talking, but you also know that people are listening. | ||
| But the beautiful thing is... | ||
| There's no interruptions, and no one is telling you yes or no. | ||
| Like, there's no publicist that's standing over your shoulder saying this is bad for your career. | ||
| There's no bean counter who's saying, listen, Ben, if you admit to gay thoughts and wanting to kiss Brian Redman on the mouth because of his beautiful mustache, this is going to cost us 14 records an hour. | ||
| Worth it. | ||
| Worth every penny, babe. | ||
| Look at that mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| We'll take that. | ||
| I mean, they might fucking break it. | ||
| I don't even see that as a bad thing. | ||
| That's not even a sacrifice. | ||
| Yeah, those 14 people are cunts. | ||
| Yeah, there's no free lunches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cunty fucking shitty. | |
| Don't ever lose that cunty charm. | ||
| Let me express my love. | ||
| Never losing my cunty charm or my fucking fanny pack. | ||
| Both of those things stay to the To the grave. | ||
| You have a fanny pack, Joe? | ||
| Do I sell them? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| Have I run out of them? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Are you selling coffee? | ||
| Are you selling coffee? | ||
| No, this is my buddy. | ||
| This is Tate. | ||
| No interest in this business. | ||
| I want a goddamn fanny pack. | ||
| I mean, other than friendship interest. | ||
| No financial interest. | ||
| But we talked last time about bulletproof coffee. | ||
| Yeah, Caveman Coffee is my friend Tate and my friend Keith Jardine. | ||
| They have this company that they sell. | ||
| Single source coffee from this farm. | ||
| Is it Colombia or Nicaragua? | ||
| I think it's, I want to say Columbia, but it's just the fucking salt of the earth. | ||
| Those dudes are, I love Keith, and Tate is my brother, so I wear this shirt. | ||
| It's a good looking shirt. | ||
| Out of respect! | ||
| Yeah, word. | ||
| Respect! | ||
| Wait, where's your show? | ||
| Can we go to your show later? | ||
| Yeah, you want to come? | ||
| Yeah, I've got the Ice House at- In Pasadena? | ||
| Yeah, at 8, and then I'm at the Improv 10 o'clock show tonight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit! | |
| Man, you work! | ||
| Well, I'm working on some new shit, so I've got to bang out some new jokes. | ||
| My Comedy Central special airs November 21st, so I'm in this weird scramble, trying to reconstruct the scaffolding of my next hour. | ||
| Right now, it's really exciting. | ||
| We can't wait to see it. | ||
| We're very excited. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| Man, thank you for putting our song in it. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Of course I did. | ||
| I picked it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Punk'd it. | |
| I love that song. | ||
| Yeah, the beginning trailer is me asleep in a field in the mountains of Colorado, and your song is playing in the background. | ||
| And I run to the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Thank you so much. | ||
| We're going to be in Denver next week. | ||
| Oh, snappa. | ||
| You hired it. | ||
| Where are you guys at? | ||
| We're going to be in Aspen. | ||
| We're going to play in the Larimer Lounge in Denver. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, sweet. | |
| And then Beaver Creek, which is... | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Beaver Creek. | ||
| We're going to Texas. | ||
| We're going to New Mexico. | ||
| Albuquerque! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dallas! | |
| We're going to Louisiana. | ||
| Monroe! | ||
| You ain't fucking around! | ||
| You're going to Monroe! | ||
| Hey, y'all. | ||
| We end in California here in Los Angeles on November 1st. | ||
| What is in California? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Our last show of the tour. | ||
| Do you want to come? | ||
| If I'm here... | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| November 1st? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| You want to party? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| It's a Saturday. | ||
| Listen, we've got to be really careful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a fun day. | |
| Day after Halloween. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| So you have to take your... | ||
| Your monkey suit off. | ||
| What time is it? | ||
| My monkey suit? | ||
| You mean my chest hair? | ||
| No. | ||
| You're telling me to shave? | ||
| Never. | ||
| Not for a second. | ||
| I don't want subtlety. | ||
| No. | ||
| I want directions. | ||
| November 1st. | ||
| We want you exactly as you are. | ||
| I want you... | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| I'm going to be in... | ||
| Stop it, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
British Columbia. | |
| Stop breaking our hearts. | ||
| I'm hunting. | ||
| Hey, we should... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Biscuits. | |
| We should go hunting. | ||
| We should also do another show together because that would be really fun. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I mean, we did the one December 21st, 2012. That was fucking awesome. | ||
| That was like almost two years ago. | ||
| I was so excited because Bill Burr was backstage and I just love him so much. | ||
| I love him so much too. | ||
| He came down to hang out with us. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He's a sweet guy, too. | ||
| He's a really, really, genuinely good guy. | ||
| For comics, to see other comics that are really supportive and friendly is so important. | ||
| So he just showed up to hang out with me and Joey and Duncan. | ||
| That's fucking awesome. | ||
| And you guys. | ||
| You didn't want to hang out with us. | ||
| Do you like him? | ||
| I don't know him personally. | ||
| I like his podcast, man. | ||
| I think it's cool. | ||
| I hear good things, but I don't know him too much. | ||
| I don't hang out with him. | ||
| Maybe do a double podcast. | ||
| Whatever, whatever. | ||
| Whatever, whatever. | ||
| If you want to do it two years after the end of the world show, that would be fucking pretty badass. | ||
| Bring it on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We should do that. | |
| Just to prove that we're still alive. | ||
| Two years. | ||
| Like, Mayans were wrong. | ||
| X 24 months. | ||
| Still here. | ||
| Still here. | ||
| Although, we don't know because those fucking fighter jets that just went overhead. | ||
| What's going to happen? | ||
| Somebody's going to die. | ||
| I'm not scared. | ||
| Eventually, they're going to run out of gas. | ||
| They're going to have to land. | ||
| People will overwhelm them with slingshots. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know. | ||
| If the world ended and we were right here, it would be cool. | ||
| Joe, with all of your adventures that you go on, space travel, is that on the docket? | ||
| Put some fucking ice and whiskey in that glass. | ||
| Let's talk about this shit. | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
| I'm available for space travel about a decade into successful space travel for civilians. | ||
| Meaning, once Richard Branson has hit the 2029 mark, and pretty much no one's dying anymore. | ||
| The singularity would have come at that point. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Let them get all the kinks out. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Iron that shit out. | ||
| Let those over-eager motherfuckers... | ||
| You don't want to be on the ship that doesn't make it. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Lance Bass? | ||
| He signed up early. | ||
| He's all about NASA, yeah. | ||
| Well, how about the people? | ||
| There's over 100,000 people that have signed up as potential people to live on Mars. | ||
| Be the first people to move to Mars. | ||
| Did someone just growl? | ||
| No, he made a noise. | ||
| That's fucking weird. | ||
| How do you do that? | ||
| You just breathe in? | ||
| Are you an alien? | ||
| I think he has a male face. | ||
| And it makes different noises. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That'll do it. | |
| Please stop. | ||
| I'm so scared. | ||
| Who needs pills, Brian? | ||
| Could you imagine if you moved to Mars and you found a fucking sign? | ||
| You were digging, like trying to plant tomatoes. | ||
| I think about it all the time. | ||
| A sign that said, get the fuck out of here, quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Do you guys remember that movie with Ice Cube and it was about like Mars, fuck, what was it called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Friday? | |
| It was a horror film and people die. | ||
| It's very dark. | ||
| Oh, it was a John Carpenter movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I remember that. | ||
| I remember seeing that when I was a young teenager. | ||
| God, I don't remember too much about that, but it was some Mars movie. | ||
| Yeah, well, it kind of had like a zombie feel to it, which I just don't like. | ||
| The idea of Mars, to me, is like living in the shittiest neighborhood of all time. | ||
| There's no plants. | ||
| There's no life. | ||
| Bad air quality. | ||
| You can't go outside and even breathe the air. | ||
| You're relying on human inventions to keep oxygen. | ||
| You've been wearing the same shirt for two weeks. | ||
| How about the rest of your life, bitch? | ||
| Okay, fine. | ||
| Don't call me... | ||
| Not you. | ||
| The person on the island of Mars itself. | ||
| You know, the really scary thing about Mars is when they keep finding all this water on it. | ||
| They keep finding all these, like, former rivers and former lakes. | ||
| And it makes you... | ||
| It really cements in your head that, like, Earth could be just like that one day. | ||
| Like, we could get hit with... | ||
| Not like what killed all the dinosaurs, but something fucking crazier. | ||
| We can get hit with some... | ||
| Instead of five miles wide... | ||
| Well, yeah, that can happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hypernovas, like in a nearby galaxy, just cooks everything. | ||
| And sometimes, asteroidal impacts, planets collide, and the fucking entire atmosphere of the planet changes. | ||
| It's not just common, it's the standard. | ||
| Every fucking planet, if you look at the moon, if you look at Earth, everything's littered with impacts. | ||
| Every planet we've ever found, littered with asteroidal impacts. | ||
| People are actually robots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just kidding. | |
| Do you think that we have the technological capacity to prevent that kind of thing? | ||
| Because we'd know it was coming at this point. | ||
| Or at least there's a good chance of it. | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
| Tell me. | ||
| Everything other than what is absolutely positive that we can do, whether it's air travel, whether it's travel into space, space stations, is essentially theoretical. | ||
| Unless we've done it, they don't know. | ||
| We can do it. | ||
| They assume that we can get away with going to Mars. | ||
| But it could very well be that they get out into deep space and they find out that the magnetosphere and the atmosphere of the Earth is protecting us in ways from long trips Special risks, especially radiation, asteroids, micrometeors. | ||
| What, sir? | ||
| You get your hands up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes, Ben. | ||
| Ben from Honey Honey. | ||
| What is the magnetosphere? | ||
| Well, there's a surface of the Earth, right? | ||
| You've got your dirt, you've got your water, you've got what you can touch. | ||
| And then above it, you have various layers of gases. | ||
| You have oxygen, you have the magnetosphere, you have an ozone. | ||
| There's a bunch of things that surround the Earth. | ||
| So the magnetosphere is one of the layers of the Earth? | ||
| I would do a piss-poor job of describing it because obviously my education is piss-poor. | ||
| But essentially what's going on is you have the atmosphere of the planet and it goes from, say, like one inch, you know, like touching the ground to, you know, X amount of miles up in the sky until we essentially start calling it space. | ||
| And then from there on you have the Van Allen radiation belts which engulf the Earth, these radiation belts which, you know, are like a donut-shaped Like, band of radiation that encircles the Earth. | ||
| And then, outside of that, you have deep space. | ||
| And there's no protection out there. | ||
| All that other stuff, the atmosphere, all the other stuff, protects us from things like gamma rays, from solar flares, from supernovas. | ||
| If, like, there was some sort of a supernova in a nearby galaxy and gamma rays went flying through the fucking galaxy. | ||
| Now, this is stuff that's unique to Earth, or just unique to planets in general? | ||
| Neither. | ||
| I mean, atmospheres, we know for a fact there's atmospheres in many planets, in many different solar systems that we've found throughout the universe, including binary solar systems, which mean they have two different stars, and we've also detected simple gases, like different gases. | ||
| That exists on Earth, whether it's hydrogen or oxygen. | ||
| They've detected those on a lot of planets now. | ||
| It was just like a decade ago when they didn't know how many planets there were out there. | ||
| I was just guessing. | ||
| But now they're just spotting them left and right. | ||
| A lot of it, they spot the star, and then they see the wobble of the star. | ||
| And they recognize that something is spinning around the star, and that something most likely is a planet. | ||
| And then they can determine the mass of the planet, and then they can zoom in on that spot and find out if it's got... | ||
| Hydrogen or oxygen or whatever the fuck is on that planet. | ||
| How do you feel about the likelihood that there are other planets like ours and there are other beings? | ||
| It's 100%. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| This is what's really fucked up. | ||
| Not only is there most likely other planets like us, but from the way it's been explained to me, the universe is so big that if infinity is real, and there's no reason to believe that it's not... | ||
| What infinity means, if the universe truly has no boundaries, and if there's infinite numbers of universes, like the same idea exists an infinite number of times, like an unmeasurable, impossible number, that there's another Suzanne, another Ben out there sitting on these shitty OfficeMax leather shoes. | ||
| I know that other Suzanne is like a C-cup. | ||
| I'm comfy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| The other Suzanne's got nipple rings and a dick. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, maybe. | |
| That'd be cool. | ||
| Why not just switch it up? | ||
| I guarantee you there's another Suzanne out there with a dick that has eyeballs. | ||
| It's a big dick, though. | ||
| Every possibility that you could think of exists. | ||
| This is what's really fucked up about the concept of infinity. | ||
| Infinity literally means there's no boundaries. | ||
| There's no end. | ||
| So, it's not like you get through a certain amount of time. | ||
| The raw carbon building blocks for life. | ||
| We've run out. | ||
| We've made all the giraffes and the fucking cactuses and the palm trees. | ||
| We don't have any room for a Suzanne with a giant dick. | ||
| Incorrect. | ||
| We have another fucking... | ||
| There's an infinite number of universes with infinite solar systems, infinite galaxies, and inside one of those, somewhere, a billion, trillion, fucking zillion miles away, there's another Suzanne. | ||
| But this is coming from a point of complete, not complete, but like a decent amount of ignorance, but what... | ||
| You can speak English, so... | ||
| I was under the impression that there's still the understanding that the universe is contracting to a certain degree. | ||
| Well, it's supposed to be currently expanding, but will eventually contract. | ||
| But that speaks to perimeters. | ||
| Well, the problem is, when you talk about this kind of stuff, especially if it's a guy like you, who's a musician, or a guy like me, who's an idiot, we don't know what the fuck we're saying. | ||
| We don't know what the fuck we're saying. | ||
| So, we're just basically parroting. | ||
| No, that's the truth. | ||
| Neil deGrasse Tyson, Michio Kaku, astrophysicist-type dudes. | ||
| Actually, like, do the calculations and figure it out. | ||
| And I think that there's a lot of debate about what we know and what we're sure of. | ||
| And sometimes those things come into question. | ||
| Like, lately there's a guy, there's a new guy who is claiming that black holes don't exist. | ||
| And this is, like, a really recent study that a lot of people are taking very seriously. | ||
| And this guy has said that black holes, as we know them, do not exist. | ||
| Chris Cornell is in this room, though. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| There's five in this room there. | ||
| Five black holes? | ||
| My hole's not black. | ||
| It's not even brown. | ||
| It's like a red. | ||
| You should get that looked at. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| This is the theory. | ||
| Black holes do not exist. | ||
| But think about, like, the Big Bang. | ||
| This did not... | ||
| The Big Bang did not exist 100 years ago. | ||
| 100 years ago, people were riding around on horses and fucking doing Annie Oakley fucking shooting galleries looking at a fucking mirror and shooting over their shoulder. | ||
| It was the greatest thing you could ever do. | ||
| No one knew what the fuck the Big Bang was. | ||
| No one had any idea why the stars were in the sky. | ||
| And now we know, but this guy, this recent guy, excuse me, it's a woman. | ||
| What? | ||
| Then, probably wrong. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| You fucking bitch. | ||
| I'm sorry, ma'am. | ||
| I was only kidding. | ||
| Her name is Professor Laura Mersini. | ||
| H-O-U-G-H-T-O-N. Houghton? | ||
| Houghton? | ||
| She said she is still in shock from the find. | ||
| Previously, scientists thought the stars were much larger than the sun collapsed under their own gravity and formed black holes when they died. | ||
| During this process, they released a type of radiation called Hawking radiation, but new research claims the star would lose too much mass and wouldn't be able to form a black hole. | ||
| If this is true, The theory that the universe began as a singularity followed by a Big Bang could also be wrong. | ||
| I don't understand a word I just said. | ||
| It's quite interesting. | ||
| She's saying by the dissolution of the star, it can't have this ultimately dense, ultimately small, infinitely dense, infinitely small ball of matter which creates the Big Bang. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We're dumb and even bothering to have this conversation because I think this shit is... | ||
| This is beyond the great minds of our time. | ||
| This is one of those things where there's no conclusion. | ||
| I think I just blacked out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good. | |
| I really started to... | ||
| Time to move in. | ||
| Yeah, you guys want to talk about music or something? | ||
| Do you guys want to hear a song? | ||
| Yeah, set up the microphones. | ||
| Give her a guitar. | ||
| She wakes up, she'll start singing like an angel. | ||
| I was with you the whole time, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. | ||
| Well, I'm not even with me. | ||
| What just happened? | ||
| I'm not even with me. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| Here, I'll do my questioning. | ||
| Here's what it says. | ||
| Please. | ||
| When a huge star, many times the mass of the sun, comes to the end of its life, it collapses in on itself and forms a singularity, creating a black hole where gravity is so strong that not even light itself can escape. | ||
| At least, that's what we thought. | ||
| A scientist has sensationally said it is impossible for black holes to exist. | ||
| And she even has the mathematical proof to back up her claims. | ||
| I should be working for Team MZ. If true, her research could force physicists to scrap their theories of how the universe began. | ||
| Ha ha. | ||
| The research was conducted by Professor Laura Marcini-Houghton from the University of North Carolina. | ||
| Oh, I lost interest. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Did you say Harvard? | ||
| You didn't. | ||
| Did you say MIT? I didn't hear that. | ||
| I heard the University of North Carolina. | ||
| Are you getting snobby on us, Joe? | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| I am Ivy League in heart. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Where did you go to school? | ||
| UMass Boston for three years. | ||
| You went to UMass? | ||
| Barely. | ||
| Barely. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I went to UMass Boston for three years. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Wasted my time. | ||
| I only went in the continuing education program. | ||
| I didn't even take my SATs. | ||
| Me either. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holla. | |
| I did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good for you. | |
| How'd you do, Ben? | ||
| Ben's a smart one. | ||
| I did fucking okay, yeah. | ||
| You lowlifes. | ||
| Oh, damn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a pro living a life without proving yourself at 18. I guess I'll drunk drive myself home. | |
| That's true. | ||
| So true. | ||
| BS, not doing that. | ||
| No. | ||
| False, not doing that. | ||
| Uber, it's here. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| Yeah, but we have a car here. | ||
| Yeah, we have a car service. | ||
| No, but we have... | ||
| It's going to be okay. | ||
| Do you guys have marijuana? | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| What were we talking about? | ||
| Proletariat? | ||
| UMass Boston? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I only went because I was worried that people thought I was a loser. | ||
| When I got out of high school, I had no idea what I was going to do, and I kept telling everybody, I'm just going to take a year off. | ||
| And when I would tell girls that, they would look at me with such disdain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| That's what I did, and I didn't say it to any girls. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| You had to go to college because that's what everybody in your class did, and if you said you weren't going or you didn't know by you graduated high school, people were like, ugh. | ||
| Shit, I didn't go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the worst. | |
| I didn't experience that kind of discrimination. | ||
| Well, it's not discrimination. | ||
| It's wanting you to live up to a certain quality of work ethic and standard. | ||
| Where I grew up, I lived in Newton, Massachusetts. | ||
| Fucking Newton. | ||
| Newton. | ||
| Newton. | ||
| Mush. | ||
| Newton North, they called each other Mush. | ||
| It's one of the only places on Earth where Mush, like, what up, Mush? | ||
| Mush. | ||
| You seen this fucking broad Mush? | ||
| She's got a big ass, Mush. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mush mouth. | |
| Girls didn't have big asses when I was in school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does mush mean? | |
| It doesn't mean anything. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But there's an area of Newton called the lake. | ||
| Is that like the audible comma? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's like dude. | ||
| It's their version of dude. | ||
| Just checking. | ||
| It's their version of dude. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| That's all I want to know. | ||
| It was mush. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I grew up in Newton South and I didn't get mush. | ||
| But my good friends Kevin Chason and my good friends Nick Dottilio, they both went to Newton North. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And Newton North was different than Newton South. | ||
| Jimmy Lawless went to Newton South. | ||
| He was also my good friend. | ||
| And we, uh... | ||
| His name is Lawless? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jimmy? | |
| Jimmy motherfucking Lawless. | ||
| Still my friend to this day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why are your friends so cool with cool names? | |
| Sean Lawless. | ||
| Michael Lawless. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He changed his name. | |
| Fuck you. | ||
| That's his name, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Just like Eddie Bravo. | ||
| That's another one of my friends with a real name. | ||
| More proof. | ||
| We're living in a simulation. | ||
| You guys are itching to rock this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, we're not. | |
| That's not true. | ||
| We're patient, man. | ||
| I know you are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, we're not. | |
| You say what you need to say. | ||
| I want to hear more about your friends and their cool names. | ||
| Mush. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It wasn't cool. | |
| They were trapped. | ||
| They were living in a place where it snows six months out of the year. | ||
| You know, I lived in Mass, too. | ||
| There was a Prince song called Sometimes It Snows in April. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a very sad song. | ||
| I was in my Audi Fox. | ||
| Okay, I was coming home from my gig where I was driving a private investigator that lost his job. | ||
| He lost his Come on! | ||
| He's also still my good friend. | ||
| No way. | ||
| From Boston! | ||
| Look, I wouldn't go back to Boston, but that motherfucker shaped me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| Anyway. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Driving back in April, snowing. | ||
| Listen to Prince. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sometimes it snows... | |
| And I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of Boston. | ||
| I can't deal with snow in April. | ||
| Did you get the winter blues? | ||
| Like, would you get bummed and stuff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got blues all the time. | |
| I was a loser. | ||
| I think that's fair. | ||
| Everybody does that. | ||
| Well, if you're super desperate and you're trying to carve your path in this world with a rabid desperation, like I was, you're always feeling like shit. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Because if you're not feeling like shit, you're feeling complacent, nothing gets done. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Well, you know, the blues come and go. | ||
| That's just inevitable, I think, at this point. | ||
| And when you accept it and you figure out what it is and what it means and you just keep having an understanding with yourself. | ||
| And it's important that a certain type of people, like people that you listen to, like someone like you or like you or like you guys, name their reality. | ||
| Like talk about the reality and talk about the blues. | ||
| And then everybody goes, oh, I get it. | ||
| It's just a part of struggling. | ||
| Like a part of struggling is... | ||
| I think you guys are super talented. | ||
| We've been friends for years now, and I've always thought you guys were super talented. | ||
| From the moment I saw that one song where you guys were on top of the roof, and you were singing Angel of Death, I love you guys so much too. | ||
| I think you guys are amazing. | ||
| But when you connect with something like that, and you see someone who's doing something that makes you feel good when you see it, and you want to spread it to these other people, it's like... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I mean, what that is at its best is like there's this weird light that you can find in the deep, dark tunnels of human creativity that makes you feel better about the struggle. | ||
| I like the fact that you guys haven't made it. | ||
| I'm really sorry. | ||
| I wish you had made it. | ||
| I wish you were multi, multi, multi millionaires. | ||
| I think that's going to change soon. | ||
| I know it's going to! | ||
| And I know you're not going to change. | ||
| I appreciate you saying that, man. | ||
| I love that I met you guys when you were in the fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were in the goddamn roots of it all. | |
| You were swinging. | ||
| You guys are sleeping on couches and fucking jamming out. | ||
| You guys did that December 21st show that we did at the Wiltern. | ||
| Yeah, that kept us afloat. | ||
| 2012. That was like a fucking lifesaver. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you for that. | ||
| You guys fucking crushed it. | ||
| I'll never forget. | ||
| So did you, by the way. | ||
| Joey Diaz and Eddie Bravo came backstage after you guys got off stage before Duncan went up. | ||
| Or Joey went up. | ||
| And he came up stage. | ||
| Yeah, it was Joey and then Doug Stanhope. | ||
| So before Joey went up, you guys were on stage. | ||
| You were fucking killing it. | ||
| And Joey came backstage with Eddie Bravo and they're both shaking their head back and forth. | ||
| And they just go, that's a badass bitch. | ||
| That is a badass bitch. | ||
| They kept saying that. | ||
| And then Joey goes, God damn, those motherfuckers are talented. | ||
| And Eddie Bravo was just shaking his head, God damn, those motherfuckers are talented. | ||
| And then they both go, how are they not famous as fuck? | ||
| How are they not famous as fuck? | ||
| Like, it became like a conversation before the rest of the show went on. | ||
| Like, you guys were just fucking crushing it. | ||
| I don't even remember what song it was, but they were just, Eddie Bravo was holding his hands on his head like the fucking Home Alone kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was like, God damn, they're They're really good. | |
| And I go, I told you, dude, they're really good. | ||
| He's such a nice dude. | ||
| They're both nice dudes. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| Thanks for saying all that really sweet stuff. | ||
| I like the fact that I knew you guys when you weren't shit. | ||
| It's all down from here. | ||
| But you were. | ||
| You were, but you weren't. | ||
| It's like, I love the fact that there's something out there that's as good or better than anything else. | ||
| But people don't know yet. | ||
| They don't know yet. | ||
| And you guys are out there just fucking chipping away at it. | ||
| And slowly people are going, holy fuck. | ||
| And that's what happens in this world. | ||
| And it makes it better. | ||
| Honestly, I feel good about it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I feel all this time we're putting in now, and who cares what happens? | ||
| Let me tell you something, Ben. | ||
| I don't picture you in bed with David Bowie. | ||
| It's going to happen. | ||
| I don't see that shit happening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's weird. | |
| I do. | ||
| No, it's not manifesting that for years. | ||
| You're taking a longer, stronger road. | ||
| You're going to know who you are by the time you get in bed with David Bowie. | ||
| You're going to go like, homie, I love your music. | ||
| I love your music. | ||
| I'm going to fucking give you a hug and then I'm going to go home. | ||
| Express ourselves differently. | ||
| Mutual respect. | ||
| No touching. | ||
| I think it's super important to go through that struggle. | ||
| I think that if you guys had somehow or another started out together and then a week later someone came along and went, holy shit, you guys are fucking great! | ||
| Well, no, we've had that, but it didn't... | ||
| But if it did... | ||
| But that's what's so cool about... | ||
| Everyone has a different way to get there, a different vehicle. | ||
| I think about that a lot because we've been through so much shit together. | ||
| We've been through so much in our personal lives and in the career. | ||
| I feel really lucky for that because... | ||
| I have so much information and experience and understanding of what this business entails. | ||
| We've booked our own shows. | ||
| We've been our own manager at times. | ||
| We've done all the shit. | ||
| And if we had blown up when we were young, I don't know what would have happened. | ||
| That's a terrifying thought. | ||
| We talk about this a lot, but essentially, being good people and having a legitimate reason for doing this, not like some masturbatory, oh, I just want to be the best. | ||
| That's not why we play music, and that's stupid and narcissistic. | ||
| We have had all these crazy experiences and difficult times, and Was that somebody's stomach? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Was that me? | ||
| Keep it going. | ||
| Keep it going. | ||
| That's the demon inside you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
| Keep lying, woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're close to our goal. | |
| God, I told you it was the end of the world. | ||
| Those spider jets. | ||
| He's doing it now. | ||
| Do you snore? | ||
| Male power. | ||
| Oh my god, I have to wear a mouthpiece. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you really? | |
| What does that even mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| My neck is not a normal neck. | ||
| You see that neck? | ||
| You're an alien! | ||
| It's not supposed to be... | ||
| A lot of wrestlers and people who do a lot of moving their head around... | ||
| You develop too many muscles in your neck and your tongue will fall over your ear hole and clog that bitch up. | ||
| So I wear a mouthpiece. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah, to keep my tongue from falling back into my air hole. | ||
| It's called sleep apnea. | ||
| Oh yeah, we know what that is. | ||
| No, I don't want to die either. | ||
| Guys have died. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Okay, valid. | ||
| You choke in your sleep a few times a night. | ||
| Just give up like a bitch. | ||
| My sister has sleep apnea and I used to live with her. | ||
| Oh, let's talk about her. | ||
| Oh, she's great. | ||
| Hey, you know what? | ||
| She's opening a juice shop in Cleveland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit! | |
| And I support that. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| I love juice shops. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's called Daily Press Juice. | ||
| When is it up? | ||
| It's going to be up very soon, actually. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Allegedly. | |
| Dreams have failed in the past. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, Joe! | |
| Joe, don't you dare. | ||
| Don't make me go tell your family and you guys. | ||
| I'll tweet the shit out of her. | ||
| Please do. | ||
| Let me know when it's up. | ||
| She's so great. | ||
| I will tweet. | ||
| I'll only been... | ||
| We should stop drinking. | ||
| I'll only been a tweet. | ||
| No, we're fine. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| We love you so much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love you so much, too. | |
| I've only been to Cleveland once. | ||
| I'll go back. | ||
| Hey, next time you're there, you should meet my family. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're really cool. | |
| Allegedly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Allegedly. | |
| If you're in Cleveland, we'll be there. | ||
| We'll make a point to be there together. | ||
| We'll have a party. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| How about we book a show with you guys and me in Cleveland? | ||
| And we'll see if Joey can do it too. | ||
| I love that so much. | ||
| I need to not invite my parents. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Keep your parents at home. | ||
| Yeah, we'll keep them at home. | ||
| Let's get fucked up. | ||
| Where do we do this? | ||
| Oh, state theater. | ||
| Would you guys... | ||
| Aim for the stars. | ||
| Would you guys... | ||
| Red Band, what do you think about that? | ||
| Do your set. | ||
| Would you guys do this? | ||
| Would you guys do your set and then play in the background while Joey's on stage and I'm on stage just fuck around and play music? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like mellifluous shit? | |
| Yeah, dude, we score that shit. | ||
| You see what I'm saying? | ||
| Just have fun. | ||
| Heck yeah. | ||
| It's done. | ||
| Be like jazz. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Be like beat. | |
| Beat poetry. | ||
| Like the gay guy from Star Trek. | ||
| Make it so. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Zachary Quinto? | ||
| No, it's the... | ||
| I call him the gay guy. | ||
| Are we talking contemporary? | ||
| No, the new one! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vintage. | |
| Not even the new, new, new, new one. | ||
| The fucking semi-new one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's his name? | |
| Guys, have we been going for three hours? | ||
| Because it feels like... | ||
| Picard. | ||
| Picard. | ||
| It's only 6.30. | ||
| He's gay? | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| He's gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Your gaydar is from the 1950s and it runs on coal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Are you talking about me? | ||
| No, Brian. | ||
| He just asked me if the fucking guy from Star Trek is gay, the bald guy. | ||
| I'm like, do you not even pay attention? | ||
| Do you not understand your surroundings? | ||
| What's that guy's name? | ||
| Patrick Stewart. | ||
| He's a beautiful man. | ||
| Him and Gandalf should get together. | ||
| They probably have. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's pictures about that. | ||
| Good for them. | ||
| God bless them. | ||
| Somebody give Jennifer Lawrence a hug if you're near her. | ||
| I want you to tell her it's going to be okay. | ||
| You're beautiful. | ||
| Don't worry about those assholes that have seen you naked. | ||
| You're beautiful. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| Is Patrick Stewart gay? | ||
| The Guardian falsely outs Captain Picard after he congratulates Ellen Page on coming out. | ||
| What year is this, though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh... | |
| Yesterday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
2011. 2014, February 20th, 2014. Well, he might not be gay. | |
| Yeah, because Ellen Page came out this year. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| I hope he's happy. | ||
| Who gives a fuck if he's gay? | ||
| Who gives a fuck... | ||
| This is a gay-friendly podcast. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'm a gay-friendly person. | ||
| I'm also a trans-friendly person. | ||
| I really am. | ||
| Even though I don't want trans women beating the fuck out of cis women, I'm a trans-friendly person. | ||
| I'm a dwarf-friendly person. | ||
| Little people? | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| I'm black-friendly, Filipino-friendly, Asian-friendly, white-friendly, straight male-friendly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, you're a lover. | |
| You're a lover. | ||
| I'm a lover. | ||
| I love everybody. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| You bring a lot of positivity to you. | ||
| I think that we're all locked up in conflict, man. | ||
| And I think there could be a lot less of it. | ||
| And if there was, we'd figure a lot more shit out and we'd get a lot more shit done and be nicer to each other and make the whole experience just a little bit easier, a little more well-loved. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, you know what? | |
| We're all in this together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No matter who the fuck you are. | ||
| Top, bottom, middle, taint. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I've been watching a lot. | ||
| The taint feels so good sometimes. | ||
| It just touches it just right. | ||
| I've been paying attention to a lot of people. | ||
| This is over the life. | ||
| There's a process that happens when I put out a special. | ||
| And one of the big things that happens is after the special's out, I scramble. | ||
| I go in this mad panic state where I have to come up with a bunch of new material. | ||
| And it's good and it's bad. | ||
| It's like your next record. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And sometimes I have some rough sets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Come to see me while I'm working out new shit. | ||
| Come a year later, you'll be so happy. | ||
| It'll all work out. | ||
| But along the lines of doing all this, I start exposing myself to a bunch of different things. | ||
| I try to expose myself to as many things as possible. | ||
| It's really scary. | ||
| It's scary to try to come up with new material. | ||
| It's scary to tread down new patterns and not have formulated bits you can call upon that you absolutely know they're going to be effective. | ||
| But that's what life is about. | ||
| Just to be some supportive friends here, you're so fucking brilliant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This podcast just got gay. | |
| I thought we were into that. | ||
| I thought it was gay friendly. | ||
| I thought it was gay like two hours ago. | ||
| We talked about this. | ||
| It got G-H-E-Y like protein. | ||
| Like whey protein. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gay. | |
| Gay like whey. | ||
| What Susanna's trying to say is we believe in you. | ||
| I believe in you guys too. | ||
| It's not important that you believe in me. | ||
| It's important that we believe in each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I believe I can fly. | |
| Oh my god, Space James. | ||
| I'm sorry, I'm not good with compliments. | ||
| I try to shut them off whenever possible. | ||
| We feel secure with complimenting you and you not accepting them at this time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| They fucked me in the past. | ||
| I don't trust them anymore. | ||
| No, come on. | ||
| Can you guys play punk kid? | ||
| We'll snuggle you afterward. | ||
| I assumed that was a part of our package deal in getting you guys on the podcast. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I just realized I'm going to play this acoustic guitar. | ||
| I don't know if it's going to hit this microphone. | ||
| Should I do one of these, Jamie? | ||
| You got two microphones there. | ||
| Are you cool with that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, I'm going to aim it at the 12th fret. | |
| Whoa, it's floating! | ||
| This piece of shit. | ||
| I think it's okay. | ||
| Goddammit, Jamie. | ||
| Hold on, I can... | ||
| No, no, it's not Jamie. | ||
| Jamie will fix it. | ||
| It's maybe just gravity. | ||
| It's a fake goddammit, Jamie. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, Jamie, you're so great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How's it going? | |
| How's it going? | ||
| This is drunk talk. | ||
| I'm a little ticked. | ||
| I'm a little fucked up. | ||
| Ben. | ||
| I'm glad I don't have to drive for another hour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are we going to be able to sing this song? | |
| We might not make it through this one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| We'll be fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll do our best. | |
| We love you. | ||
| Look, Twitter's lighting up like a goddamn Christmas tree right now. | ||
| They're so happy. | ||
| I can't hear anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to turn this off. | |
| This is authentic. | ||
| People love it. | ||
| Brian loves it. | ||
| I look down, look to the table. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| Heart on. | ||
| No! | ||
| That's not what I meant. | ||
| I mean, his feet were tapping, you fuck. | ||
| Ben, are you doing headphones? | ||
| I'm doing one in, one out. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I might do one in, two. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Will you guys just shut the fuck up and sing this? | ||
| Play the fucking music! | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You ready? | ||
| Are we doing this now? | ||
| How are we starting this one? | ||
| Punk kid? | ||
| I don't even... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I bet you were a punky when you were young. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bet you were a punk kid when you were young. | |
| Blashing your cut, tearing shit up. | ||
| I bet you were a punk. | ||
| Cause it takes one to know one. | ||
| Prodigal son. | ||
| yeah I bet you were a punk how's that working out for ya? | ||
| who's coming around for ya? | ||
| take a second on your bad luck oh honey you're a fucker I bet you made your mama cry when you were young. | ||
| I bet you made your mama cry. | ||
| Signing the cross, ripping her off, cutting it down to size. | ||
| Just a good one with a bad son Wondering why you always made me cry, honey Oh no How's I working out for you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who's coming round for you? | |
| Say you're stuck on your balance Oh honey, you're a fucker You're bad news darling, and you fall so fast Laying on your own dead way. | ||
| You're not an innocent man. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I'm feeling bad for how you do. | ||
| Yeah, I'm feeling bad for how you do. | ||
| Cause somewhere along the line, somebody gave it to you. | ||
| On the right side and the wrong side. | ||
| No matter how you do, I feel for you. | ||
| I feel for you. | ||
| How's that working out for you? | ||
| Who's coming out for you? | ||
| Say you stuck all your bad love. | ||
| Oh, honey, you're a fucker. | ||
| You're a fucker Oh-oh Oh-oh That was beautiful. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| Damn, I love that song. | ||
| I think I should have worn these the whole time. | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| You don't need that shit. | ||
| I love that song. | ||
| I fucking love that song. | ||
| I've heard that song a hundred times. | ||
| What? | ||
| Easily, easily, without a doubt. | ||
| That's why I picked it. | ||
| That's the song that had this cool, fucking, fun riff to it. | ||
| I just had to hear that song over and over and over again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Geez. | |
| I played that song, I'm not bullshitting. | ||
| I played that song close to a hundred times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| If I had to stop and guess, I played it one time at the gym, I put it on repeat, and I got on the stair climber, and I went a half an hour, and I listened to your fucking song for a half an hour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's fucking awesome! | |
| Because I was trying to figure out what song to use for the beginning of the special. | ||
| And I had a bunch of your songs, your old songs, your new songs, and, uh... | ||
| We have so many new songs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I'm about to do... | ||
| And I listened to that song over and over again for half an hour. | ||
| It's actually the elliptical. | ||
| I misspoke. | ||
| Not on the stair climber. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| Better on the joints. | ||
| Better on the joints. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| I don't think stair climber's bad for the joints. | ||
| It just gives the joints some work. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Bitch-ass joints. | ||
| Go to work. | ||
| Speaking of joints. | ||
| Stop being scared. | ||
| Stop being scared of all elliptical and shit. | ||
| What else? | ||
| Yeah, speaking of that. | ||
| I got electrocuted. | ||
| What? | ||
| When that song started. | ||
| I don't know if it's that amp that's plugged into something or not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you okay? | |
| I'm sorry, Brian. | ||
| That's the gay. | ||
| It's coming out of your sweat. | ||
| You do so badly. | ||
| It happens all the time. | ||
| Does it really happen all the time? | ||
| I like how you said so badly and not so bad. | ||
| Badly? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I get those adverbs working, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| You feel so bad. | ||
| I'm working on it, you know? | ||
| Are you? | ||
| Proper grammar. | ||
| Yeah, grammatically correct. | ||
| I actually really care about that stuff. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| Do you accidentally write Y-O-U-R when you meant Y-O-U apostrophe R-E? Y-O-U-R. And you tweet it and you go, fuck! | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| That's worth trashing a tweet and getting it back up again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no. | |
| No, I really care about that. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| Like, twos and twos. | ||
| There's, there's, and there's. | ||
| Oh, I know it. | ||
| This is all I care about. | ||
| Don't write you are to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You are? | |
| You are? | ||
| Are you lazy? | ||
| You can't write Y-O-U-R. Are you scared that you don't know which one is Y-O-U apostrophe R-E and Y-O-U-R? I don't think he's talking to you, Suzanne. | ||
| I think it's kind of bringing it to a larger audience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just wanted to take it to a literal major point. | |
| But I'm confused. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, I'm going to be so high, just so you know. | |
| What do you think about emojis, Joe? | ||
| You'll be fine. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Everybody's going to be fine. | ||
| Ben, this is like the Cheshire Cat. | ||
| That's a lot of weed smoke. | ||
| We're like Alice, and this is the Wonderland of podcasts. | ||
| That's some weed smoke. | ||
| You and I are both Alice. | ||
| I've told you I'm 47, smoking weed for a little while. | ||
| Joe, we really want to talk about DMT. | ||
| I know you do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| But we're online. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, we'll do it. | |
| So is the sea on... | ||
| Fair enough. | ||
| If I could get the CIA high and let them know that I'm on the same fucking page as them... | ||
| Oh, I know it. | ||
| Listen, bro, I'm not anti-American. | ||
| I used to own a Mustang. | ||
| But I need you people to know... | ||
| You did not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're sorry. | |
| Shelby Mustang GT500. How the fuck dare you? | ||
| I've had a bunch of American cars. | ||
| Right now I don't have currently any American cars. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| What are we working with right now? | ||
| But when we did this video for your song, the Punk Kid song, we used your riff, I was driving a new Shell, one of those new Challengers. | ||
| Challenger SRT Hellcat. | ||
| How did you know it was a Dodge? | ||
| Because I pay attention, goddammit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pay attention to what? | |
| I sent you an email. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It wasn't an email. | ||
| It was a tweet or an Instagram. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Guys, am I allowed to smoke in the marijuana party? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I didn't know Ben wants to be a part of this party. | |
| Shit, Ben, I am driving. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| We've got to get a sandwich after this podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We've talked about this. | |
| We've talked about this. | ||
| For the record. | ||
| We've talked about this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll let up a freshet. | |
| What'd you talk about, specifically? | ||
| Do you guys nag each other, like, married chicks that don't fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um... | |
| Pretty much. | ||
| Danger zone. | ||
| Look, do you know what, though? | ||
| We got Kenny Loggins up in this motherfucker. | ||
| Is it... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Highway to the danger zone. | |
| I think you should sing the next song. | ||
| No. | ||
| Ben, oh my god, you're gonna get high. | ||
| I have zero musical talent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, that's the point. | |
| Hey, why don't you not make a big deal of it? | ||
| That's gonna help. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's gonna help both of us. | |
| Friends just let friends be. | ||
| I love Ben, okay? | ||
| I don't have anything invested in Ben not fucking up his words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I'm great. | ||
| I feel great. | ||
| I'm going to be ultimately supportive and loving towards you. | ||
| You guys are the weirdest non-sexual couple I've ever met. | ||
| Yeah, it's too much sexual tension, I think. | ||
| I think you guys just need to put a finger in or something. | ||
| You might have to one day. | ||
| Look, the night is young, guys. | ||
| We're going to hit the town after this. | ||
| You guys might wind up married. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that possible? | |
| So one day you guys get super famous and fucking flail away in the weeds of extracurricular relationships. | ||
| Ben and I will probably get married when we're in our 70s. | ||
| Maybe 60s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Forties! | ||
| Forties, so we still have some action under our belts? | ||
| Listen, there's a certain number of years you can put on your body when no one wants to fuck you anymore. | ||
| Here's what we're gonna do. | ||
| Unless you're like a classic. | ||
| We're gonna check in with you to make sure you're cool with it. | ||
| And then we'll try to take you for a spin. | ||
| I'm cool with it right now. | ||
| You want to take this shit to the next level, I'm cool with it. | ||
| Would you be the officiant? | ||
| Yeah, will you fucking... | ||
| Married? | ||
| Yeah, I've married people before. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| I believe that in a heartbeat. | ||
| I'm an ordained minister. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| Like one of those online churches. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not kidding. | |
| They send me emails all the time. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| I literally did marry a couple. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That one fear factor together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| I married them in Vegas. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| They were cool. | ||
| Are they still married, Joe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are they divorced? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| I ran into someone a long time ago that knew them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ben, if you want me to make him function, am I driving? | |
| Just blow it on her, homeboy. | ||
| Oh, you got an Uber. | ||
| No, I can't do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't worry. | |
| Don't worry. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| I'll do it after we sing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, she went in for it. | |
| She went in for it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She went in for it. | |
| No one called Suzanne Shinto a push head. | ||
| Listen, I'm trying to make something happen here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| This is my second person I've convinced into smoking weed this month. | ||
| Number one was Graham Hancock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Graham Hancock! | |
| A friend of mine, his name is BC, is going on... | ||
| You have a friend named Beastie? | ||
| His name is BC, and he's going on one of Graham Hancock's tours in Egypt, man. | ||
| He's super fucking punk. | ||
| I love the shit out of that guy. | ||
| And he was on the podcast, and he had taken a three-year break from marijuana, and he was talking about how he missed it. | ||
| Well, he realized he was kind of abusing it. | ||
| He was doing it all day. | ||
| And he was using it as a crutch. | ||
| And he did ayahuasca. | ||
| And he recognized the fact that he was using it as a crutch. | ||
| And then on the podcast, he was talking about how he missed it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so he took one, maybe two hits. | ||
| And then just... | ||
| Opened up like a flower. | ||
| Is that when you kissed him on the mouth? | ||
| No! | ||
| There's a reason why the table is so wide. | ||
| I don't trust my instinct. | ||
| I love him so much. | ||
| Just checking. | ||
| I just like to make sure. | ||
| He started talking with this great passion about these ancient civilizations that probably existed in Egypt and the resistance to accepting them. | ||
| And he has all this fucking beautiful rap that's like a song. | ||
| It's like a song when he really locks into it, when he really locks into this discussion of these ancient civilizations. | ||
| It's such a passion for him that he's constructed the narrative in this really beautiful, melodic sort of like a play. | ||
| So when he tells it to you, it's hypnotic. | ||
| You know, he's talking to you. | ||
| He's gone so deep into that stuff, man. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| And every year some new shit comes out that makes him more... | ||
| Where is that shit coming from? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Which stuff? | ||
| So there's new shit. | ||
| Is that archaeology or something? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, there's every year. | ||
| If you don't know Graham Hancock... | ||
| Graham wrote an amazing book called The Fingerprints of the Gods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fingerprints of the Gods or Footprints of the Gods? | |
| Fingerprints. | ||
| I think it's footprints. | ||
| Footprints is the two feet in the beach and stuff. | ||
| Footprints of the Gods? | ||
| Fingerprints. | ||
| Fingerprints of the Gods. | ||
| Okay, fingerprints. | ||
| Anyway, sorry. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| I've read it, and I forget. | ||
| It's just a title. | ||
| It's just a word. | ||
| Just a noise you make with your mouth. | ||
| But the idea behind it was that... | ||
| What he believed is that there are established areas of the world where there's archaeology that they can't quite explain. | ||
| Massive stones, cut with extreme precision, moved into position. | ||
| Well, isn't that what Stonehenge is? | ||
| Well, Stonehenge is nothing. | ||
| A place called Baalbek in Lebanon. | ||
| Something greater than Stonehenge? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Enlighten me. | ||
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| There's not just one. | ||
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| The oldest pyramids have survived much longer than the newer pyramids. | ||
| There was a certain era. | ||
| I don't know about all that. | ||
| Well, that's in the book. | ||
| That's in Graham Hancock's book. | ||
| But the pyramid thing is really under dispute between people that are real legit Egyptologists and people like John Anthony West, who's this brilliant alternative Egyptology thinker, and Graham Hancock, and a lot of these revisionist guys. | ||
| There's still some debate as to what's correct and what's not correct. | ||
| But there's been a lot of evidence that dates the Great Pyramids, like the Pyramid of Giza, to 2500 BC. And that doesn't jive with this guy Robert Schock, who's a geologist at Boston University, and this guy John Anthony West and Graham Hancock, who believe that there's all sorts of evidence that there was massive erosion that probably came from rainfall. | ||
| And one of them was on the inside, the enclosure of where the Sphinx was built. | ||
| So where the Sphinx was built, it was sort of cut out of this, you know, big stone quarry. | ||
| And the stones that were cut out were presumably smooth, but over like thousands and thousands of years have become like contoured. | ||
| And the debate is whether or not that contour is because of erosion with sand and wind or because of water. | ||
| And there's a bunch of geologists that have got behind the water, and they're saying, this is water erosion. | ||
| This is consistent with water erosion. | ||
| The number one being the most prominent, Robert Schock, who is a geologist at Boston University. | ||
| He's done a bunch of papers on this and explained that what we're probably looking at is thousands of years of rainfall that's eroded these things, which would predate the construction of this area, the cutout, the flat wall of this area, to like 9,000 B.C., Which they don't have any civilizations that they knew of before, like, that age. | ||
| Like, it was making that kind of shit. | ||
| But then they found some stuff in Turkey called Gobekli Tepe. | ||
| They found this, like, big structure that's like this... | ||
| They're just uncovering it now. | ||
| I think they've only got, like, 10% of it uncovered. | ||
| So every... | ||
| And this is 14,000 years old. | ||
| Between 12 and 14,000 years old. | ||
| So every year, like, they find more shit that makes Graham Hancock's theories, like, look more and more plausible. | ||
| And then he's got, together with a bunch of other people that know about, like... | ||
| Asteroidal impacts. | ||
| This guy, Randall Carlson, he's an expert on extinction events. | ||
| Asteroidal impacts and extinction events. | ||
| What has there been besides the dinosaur thing? | ||
| There's been a fuckload of them! | ||
| Bring it, dude! | ||
| There's been a fuckload of them! | ||
| What are you talking? | ||
| They think they happen all the time, man. | ||
| They think they happen every 12, 13,000 years. | ||
| Okay, so 12, 13,000 years ago, what went extinct as a result of an asteroid explosion? | ||
| I don't even know what I'm saying. | ||
| They believe. | ||
| There's a lot of guesswork when it comes to anything that's like 12,000 years ago. | ||
| There's a lot of like, what the hell happened? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| We like to think of 12,000 as like, look, if you have $12,000, you can't buy a house. | ||
| I really want $12,000. | ||
| If you buy a car for $12,000, don't expect to impress anybody. | ||
| $12,000 is not much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So 12,000 years, eh, what is that? | |
| It doesn't seem like that much. | ||
| But it's a fucking long time! | ||
| That's a lot of years. | ||
| And 12,000 years ago, it's very possible that Earth was smashed. | ||
| All over the place with these asteroid impacts. | ||
| They keep finding all this stuff. | ||
| Like they found recently, they found these micro diamonds that indicate some sort of impact. | ||
| And then they found this stuff called nuclear glass. | ||
| It's like called tritonite or something like that. | ||
| And it comes from impacts. | ||
| From these giant rocks just slamming into the earth. | ||
| And it's all, all over like Europe and Asia. | ||
| It's all around 12,000 years ago. | ||
| Does that speak to any extinction that happened? | ||
| Or is it the kind of thing where like, okay, these had an impact in a different part of the world, so it didn't affect the environment like the dinosaur. | ||
| I'm totally talking out of school. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. | ||
| I have no scholarly degrees on any of these subjects. | ||
| You're very convincing. | ||
| But the way it's been explained to me is there's a great mystery involving what happens when you have some big extinction event, where you have no saber-toothed tigers left, you have no woolly-toothed mammals. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| How'd they all die? | ||
| And they've pinpointed a very specific time and it corresponds the same time they're finding this stuff all over the place. | ||
| This stuff when they do the core samples. | ||
| So some it's very like this somewhere around 12,000 years ago, we got fucked up! | ||
| Giant rocks from the sky just came down and fucked everything up and a few few people made it, you know, who knows how many? | ||
| So the humans were actually present then? | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| 12,000 years ago is not that long. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| We probably looked exactly like us. | ||
| Oh, totally. | ||
| Tattoos. | ||
| I don't mean like that, but I mean like our structure. | ||
| Like if you took a dude, they probably didn't get as much food, so they were probably like smaller. | ||
| But if you took a person... | ||
| Same brain, though. | ||
| Very similar. | ||
| If you took a person... | ||
| You know, a regular person from 12,000 years ago put them in a movie theater and walked by them while you were sitting in your seat. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| It looked like you. | ||
| I mean, it was us. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| So those people probably had to start all over. | ||
| But depending on where, this is what I'm trying to understand, is depending on where the asteroid... | ||
| Why did you make me smoke weed? | ||
| It's going to go great. | ||
| It's just going to get better. | ||
| I lost my sparkle. | ||
| It's there. | ||
| What sparkle did you lose? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I lost my sparkle. | |
| What happened? | ||
| Please continue what you were saying. | ||
| I'm just going to hang. | ||
| Why'd you lose your sparkle? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| See, this is what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm not a good weed smoker. | ||
| You're a fine weed smoker. | ||
| I think you're killing it. | ||
| I think you guys should talk and I should not put this on the internet. | ||
| Do you want to play a show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Are you sure? | ||
| I think that would be awesome. | ||
| Fingerprints of the Gods by Graham Hancock. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, Fingerprints of the Gods. | ||
| Available at Amazon.com. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it! | |
| Too much? | ||
| No, I feel bad. | ||
| Is Amazon super fucked up, Joe? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, if it did, it would have missiles and tanks. | ||
| It's definitely not super fucked up. | ||
| I think if you're looking at like a scale of fucked up, Amazon's nowhere near like super fucked up. | ||
| They're super convenient. | ||
| You get on that Amazon one crook. | ||
| Are they running shit and chasing people out of the fucking business? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Crushing things? | ||
| Is that what they're doing? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's got to be a general result. | ||
| Are we talking Amazon.com? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh man, they make life so fucking convenient. | ||
| But is that sacrificing anything else? | ||
| I ask because I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| That depends. | ||
| I mean, the people that they're sort of affecting are the big business, like Target. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| You can buy your toilet paper, your dish soap, your laundry detergent on Amazon, and it'll show up in two days. | ||
| What about the small internet vendors? | ||
| It's not that tailored. | ||
| Sometimes there's intricate vitamin supplements or whatever, but for the most part, it's the... | ||
| Yo, I'm good. | ||
| No, no, no, I'm massaging my chest. | ||
| This show is out of fucking control. | ||
| But this is kind of the weird stuff I'm talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you touching your nipples? | |
| I don't know if Amazon's bad, but I'm not inclined. | ||
| We don't know what's going to happen. | ||
| We're fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're amongst friends. | |
| How are we going to get home? | ||
| We're amongst friends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're amongst friends. | |
| Jesus Christ, relax. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe it was too much of a question. | ||
| Wait, can I go back to Amazon? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I think Amazon is amazing. | ||
| Super convenient. | ||
| It kind of takes a little dig at the big business for convenient purposes. | ||
| If you have Prime, you can get all this shit in two days. | ||
| But it's not like you can get an intricate, tailored item that you need for the most part. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I guess that makes sense. | ||
| I don't necessarily think it cuts out business as much as it grows their business and they're very efficient and it's convenient for people. | ||
| But they kind of have a monopoly on the, like, we're going to ship shit for you thing. | ||
| Well, do they have a monopoly on it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I don't think they do. | ||
| I think a lot of people sell things online. | ||
| They're just really good at figuring out that you can make it super convenient in one click. | ||
| I mean, they're one of the few companies that started that, right? | ||
| Here's why I think it's a monopoly, though. | ||
| And this is just for me. | ||
| Can you think of one other company that does the same thing? | ||
| You're on Amazon. | ||
| They sell your shit on Amazon. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Wait, how much are they selling that for? | ||
| I think it's on sale. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| Shit. | ||
| They just dropped the price. | ||
| Why are you talking shit? | ||
| Amazon dropped the price. | ||
| It's a great service. | ||
| Very convenient. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll show you, bitch. | |
| Smack. | ||
| I think... | ||
| Hey, P.S., I love Amazon. | ||
| Very thankful to them. | ||
| I love Amazon, too. | ||
| I'm kind of... | ||
| I get like... | ||
| If I get drunk at night, like... | ||
| Ben's not a big fan of Amazon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just kidding. | |
| I will just order shit on Amazon like a jerk. | ||
| Just ask me questions. | ||
| What are you asking? | ||
| Do you have a question? | ||
| No, I did. | ||
| I already asked it. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| It's nothing wrong with it. | ||
| They're just the best at it. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| Order. | ||
| They send you your shit. | ||
| Sorry if you can't keep up. | ||
| Yeah, but now there's Alibaba. | ||
| So that might change shit. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Alibaba is like the Amazon... | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what this is either. | ||
| Okay, Alibaba... | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| How do I not know something that you know? | ||
| I've heard about Alibaba because I was passing. | ||
| This is how much I think life is a simulation. | ||
| I was passing by this newspaper rack and there's this dude and it was like, Alibaba now worth more than Google, Facebook, Apple. | ||
| Biggest publicly traded company in the world. | ||
| I think. | ||
| And I was walking by and I was like, what the fuck am I doing? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| What am I looking at? | ||
| What the fuck is Alibaba? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was Pete Townsend's side project. | |
| What is Alibaba? | ||
| As far as I understand it, it's... | ||
| The movie Aladdin. | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| Alibala? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| That startup that made unbelievable tons of money. | ||
| It's like an Asian equivalent of Amazon. | ||
| They facilitate businesses trading with consumers. | ||
| Yeah, I know what it is. | ||
| So it's like Amazon for China? | ||
| What you do is you're hiring companies to do things for you. | ||
| So if you want a thousand wallets with your face on it, you can get a company to do that. | ||
| I don't think it's a manufacturer. | ||
| No, no, they just, it's like a directory of manufacturers. | ||
| Or like a distribution network. | ||
| Middleman, okay. | ||
| Yeah, and it's basically, it's similar to Amazon, but it's just gotten so big, and because China is such a huge marketplace, it just went global, and it's, at least at the time that it was going out, the biggest globally traded company, or was going to be, on the precipice of that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| When you think about the numbers of people too, the Asian market is like, think about how many people are in China. | ||
| It's like a billion plus, right? | ||
| 1.6 billion. | ||
| Oh my god, is it that high? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| Six billion? | ||
| Probably more than that. | ||
| So, like, close to a million, like, say, two hundred, like, one point, a billion, two million. | ||
| A thousand million plus another six hundred million. | ||
| Sorry, six hundred thousand million. | ||
| More than what we are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Because we're at 350 million, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Just think about how many goddamn people that is. | ||
| It's bad, isn't it? | ||
| No. | ||
| What's bad? | ||
| You're fine. | ||
| I'm having a moment with Jamie. | ||
| Just stop and think. | ||
| Think about how many more. | ||
| Am I being a dick? | ||
| No, I love you guys so much. | ||
| Everybody's good. | ||
| Just think about the numbers. | ||
| Think about how many Chinese folks there are. | ||
| And then add that to Asian folks. | ||
| That's another billion. | ||
| Can I drink this? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Have some more. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| Asian folks. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| Asian folks like China... | ||
| India. | ||
| India is another billion, right? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Close to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking dude. | |
| Japan. | ||
| Indonesia. | ||
| You know, that whole area. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn, that's a lot of people. | |
| It's amazing, though. | ||
| It's really... | ||
| Man, it's exciting. | ||
| Have you been... | ||
| When was the last time you were in Japan? | ||
| We are a swarm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're a swarm on this planet. | |
| We're a swarm. | ||
| There's billions of us. | ||
| You were like this when you did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We are a swarm. | |
| I was trying to be like Wonder Woman. | ||
| I was thinking strong Linda Carter. | ||
| Again, we're all this together. | ||
| We're all the fucking swarm bees and beehive. | ||
| We're a swarm. | ||
| I'm breaking the honey. | ||
| There's a lot of us. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You knew that was coming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I didn't. | |
| No, come on. | ||
| So, it's the low-hanging fruit. | ||
| I mean, that was obvious. | ||
| There is a fucking lot of us. | ||
| There sure is, Joe. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, there's still plenty of space. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| Which is why some of us, us good friends, should band together, live in a commune. | ||
| Are you calling cult already? | ||
| I'm just saying, I want in. | ||
| It starts out you call it a commune. | ||
| We want in on your chickens and your hunting excursions. | ||
| The police call it a cult. | ||
| Chickens. | ||
| This is all this chicken conversation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Farm fresh eggs every morning. | ||
| Hello. | ||
| I think that would be like one of the best things you could do other than plant vegetables. | ||
| Plant vegetables is equally satisfying. | ||
| It's a beautiful thing. | ||
| Do you plant your own vegetables? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| No. | ||
| To be able to pull vegetables out of the ground. | ||
| I mean, I don't do enough of it. | ||
| I would like to do all of my vegetables, like planted garden vegetables. | ||
| I just think that would be the coolest thing, to have a complete, direct relationship with all the food you eat. | ||
| That would be amazing. | ||
| We're missing that, right? | ||
| So, like, if you eat a chicken, are you like, thank you, Harriet, the chicken, for your faithful duty of fulfilling our dietary needs? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I just go lizard. | ||
| You eat lizards? | ||
| No, I just go lizard part of the brain. | ||
| Is that like shrimping out mentally? | ||
| No, if you're going to kill a chicken, you just go lizard. | ||
| You can't have a lot of compassion. | ||
| Oh, I see, I see. | ||
| You know what, I can hang, honestly, as far as the spirit animal connections go, chickens don't feel connected to them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cows, pigs, goats, I feel it. | |
| It's a different thing with mammals. | ||
| I don't want to, oh yeah. | ||
| You know, chickens are weird. | ||
| They're dinosaurs. | ||
| They're a strange bird that probably doesn't make sense. | ||
| They don't look into my soul. | ||
| They don't fucking fly. | ||
| We're keeping them around. | ||
| We're the reason they're around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are we looking at? | ||
| Why are you putting a picture? | ||
| You're looking at the time. | ||
| Why are you doing that? | ||
| So if you wanted to play another song. | ||
| We don't have to play another song. | ||
| We could just talk. | ||
| Brian, don't worry about it, buddy. | ||
| We're talking about chickens. | ||
| Yeah, we're just having fun. | ||
| And their souls. | ||
| This is what happens after we light up a joint. | ||
| Chickens and cows and goats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's so many differences in their spiritual connectivity. | |
| We're going now. | ||
| You got it. | ||
| You painted the picture. | ||
| You dared me to smoke the gunge. | ||
| This is what you get. | ||
| Susie, Susie, it's okay. | ||
| Try his job. | ||
| This is bad, isn't it? | ||
| No, it's fine. | ||
| We're talking about virtual farms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, I have a question. | |
| Ben, please, give your hand up. | ||
| You guys are in class today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you for calling me. | |
| Keep raising your hands. | ||
| This is like Lord of the Flies in here, dude. | ||
| Someone's gotta pass the bone. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Lord of the Flies? | ||
| Jesus, Ben. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Violent, Ben. | |
| I'm sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| That's not what the whole book was about, man. | ||
| Eventually, it was about violence. | ||
| Okay, that's that story. | ||
| We're making our own. | ||
| It's so dark. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's getting dark. | |
| I want to say Lord of the Flies. | ||
| I still have my question. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| If you had a Lord of the Rings reference, I would have been more excited. | ||
| But you had to go with Flies. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I'm sorry, guys. | ||
| Vegetables. | ||
| What you're growing in your garden, is it native to here? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| That's a very good question. | ||
| He's such a thinker, Benjamin. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good question. | ||
| It is. | ||
| What is, if you're going to grow lettuce, what's lettuce, like a regular romaine lettuce? | ||
| What's that native to? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| North America. | ||
| Romania. | ||
| I mean, we grow it in Ohio. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, it's just a regular North American plant. | ||
| I don't think it's a desert plant. | ||
| I don't think the weather doesn't have to be... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| You know, it could just be... | ||
| You just need to have sunlight. | ||
| Guys, we got Google. | ||
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| There's some crops that need more sunlight. | ||
| That should be a fucking t-shirt. | ||
| That should be a t-shirt. | ||
| Will you stand there like this? | ||
| Guys, we got Google. | ||
| Guys, we got Google. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's all I'm saying. | |
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| No, I don't want to align myself to that brand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a shirt. | |
| That's a meme, bro. | ||
| It's going to happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now you're going to meme. | |
| Remember I got memes last time? | ||
| Ben Jaffe's getting memed. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Put your finger back up like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was great. | |
| You are memed the fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somebody freeze-creamed that. | |
| You memed the fuck on here, son. | ||
| It's very important you get memed there. | ||
| Because you're saying it. | ||
| It's not going to happen. | ||
| That's how it works. | ||
| That's not how it works. | ||
| I don't know how it works. | ||
| No one knows how it works. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We don't know. | |
| Last time it was Butter My Scone. | ||
| Butter My Scone? | ||
| I think we should play a song. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Unless it's not... | ||
| Which one do you want to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, Joe? | |
| Please. | ||
| Do you want us to play a song? | ||
| Anything. | ||
| Ben, what should we play? | ||
| We were trying to figure this out before. | ||
| Do you want ballad or non-ballad? | ||
| I want whatever you guys want to play. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Fuckity fuck. | ||
| You want a paper, rock, scissors? | ||
| For what? | ||
| What's the choices? | ||
| I'll be ballad, and you'll be, um... | ||
| No, what are the songs? | ||
| Oh, oh, oh, oh, Burned Me Out and Bad People. | ||
| I think we should do Burn Me Out. | ||
| I think it's a beautiful song. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Is it possible to make a request for any time in the future? | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| Could you do Let's Get Wrecked? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, we could do that. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| They double, oh, shit. | ||
| Well, that's going to be, I mean, can we put that on ice for a second? | ||
| For a second? | ||
| Yeah, because... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We don't have the necessary instruments. | ||
| We could do an acoustic version. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| I'm not asking you to bring in a band. | ||
| But it's not as good as the other stuff that we had prepared. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit! | |
| I think we could do a cool one. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| I'm not playing guitar, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| I'll do that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm so scared. | ||
| I have no idea what you guys are arguing over. | ||
| That's what I love about being musically... | ||
| But I'm fine. | ||
| If you don't... | ||
| Listen, if you guys are more comfortable doing something else, please don't listen to me. | ||
| Let's do Burn Me Out. | ||
| Well, now I feel like a dick. | ||
| You don't have to do that. | ||
| No, no, don't. | ||
| I don't want to put you on the spot. | ||
| That's not fair. | ||
| Damn it, Joe. | ||
| We just want you to be happy. | ||
| I'm happy already. | ||
| You got me stoned. | ||
| We can stop this thing right now. | ||
| Shit's weird. | ||
| I put my glasses on. | ||
| We can end this shit before it gets ugly. | ||
| And we'll all be happy. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, so, fuck. | ||
| Judges? | ||
| Play whatever you want, please. | ||
| Whatever you guys want to want. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Any song that's in your head right now. | ||
| Ben, what's in your head? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's in your head, Ben? | |
| Let's do Burn Me Out. | ||
| Do we have four minutes? | ||
| Burn Me Out. | ||
| Is it a four-minute song? | ||
| Don't worry about this fucking stupid clock. | ||
| Ben, I can see your ankles. | ||
| That's what they look like. | ||
| Ride that bitch. | ||
| It's a heartbreaking song. | ||
| Ride into the rocks. | ||
| Come on, stop. | ||
| No, it is. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| We're going to ride this boat into the rocks, kids. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| This is called Burn Me Out. | ||
| WJRE. Late night. | ||
| You creeper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
710 Pacific. | |
| It's weird if I have a boner. | ||
| Honey, honey. | ||
| Yeah, you're a girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Come on, Joe. | ||
| Just go with it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Ben, Suzanne. | ||
| Oh, that sounds weird. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| Let's check that out. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Why don't you use the tuner on that amplifier? | ||
| Excellent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look, guys, don't say I never had a good idea. | |
| What kind of wonky-ass nonsense bullshit type... | ||
| So, no, but seriously, let's take an opportunity to say that we're going on tour and we really, really want to see you guys, whoever is listening, if you're in the cities, on our website. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They're posted on our website. | ||
| And what's that website, Suzanne? | ||
| HoneyHoneyBand.com HoneyHoneyBand.com We're going to be in Texas, in Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, Louisiana, California. | ||
| HoneyHoneyBand.com We're going to be in the state of your mom's house. | ||
| The YouTube video might, just so the audio listeners will be... | ||
| Ustream. | ||
| Yeah, Ustream. | ||
| Yeah, Ustream. | ||
| If you give out on me, I understand. | ||
| You weak-ass bitch. | ||
| You can only do three hours. | ||
| Have we been doing a podcast for three hours? | ||
| Jesus, Mary and Joseph. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Ustream is strong. | ||
| They're going to hang in there. | ||
| I feel this. | ||
| This is a new ballad. | ||
| I feel this. | ||
| Hopefully it'll be on our record. | ||
| If not, you'll have it here forever. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's called Burn Me Out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| piano plays softly | ||
| piano plays softly | ||
| my fingers on your floor that night and I lost my faith in my own breath Who knew that love could feel like death? | ||
| But it's not your concern And all I really learn Is all your roundabout All men they burn me You say that God knows the way But | ||
| I'm standing in the dark I soaked you up You rung me out here on a line Messing up my time in the park Oh, | ||
| but it's not your concern Oh man, they burned me out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It don't feel good this goodbye, but bye and bye will go. | |
| Oh. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I won't put it all on you. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I am well aware that I caused us trouble too. | ||
| And I won't look back on you with anger. | ||
| No, I won't. | ||
| Even if you do the same or if you don't. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| but it's not your concern Cause all your rounds are roundabouts Oh man, | ||
| they burn me out They just burn, burn me out Alright. | ||
| That was fucking cool. | ||
| That was fucking cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| You guys are awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're awesome, Joe. | |
| It's so cool to be friends with you guys, for real. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I'm so goddamn impressed. | ||
| I just love when I see someone, like when I see... | ||
| like a band that like taps into this weird like very consistent kind of special energy that comes from like songs that just flow your songs like your songs are so like representative of you guys you know it's weird knowing you guys as friends and then like seeing your writing and seeing the music and the singing together and seeing like the new songs being created it's really fascinating it's so weird I have no skill musically or talent or knowledge or | ||
| nothing. | ||
| Stop that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not true. | |
| That's not true at all. | ||
| That's 100% true. | ||
| No, I'm telling you. | ||
| So when I see someone who can sing and people who can put music together, fascinating shit, man. | ||
| That was awesome. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| Thanks for having us. | ||
| Anytime. | ||
| Anytime. | ||
| You guys are the shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is awesome. | |
| To this day, only band I've ever worked with. | ||
| We would never work with anybody else. | ||
| Well, Everlast. | ||
| Oh, but never on the road. | ||
| Never for a show. | ||
| We've talked about doing it. | ||
| That would be the shit. | ||
| You guys, Everlast, Joey Diaz. | ||
| We love to go on the road. | ||
| I feel like it's a lot like comedy, or stand-up at least. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've never done stand-up, but I just feel like performing, it's kind of the same. | ||
| Energy or idea, you know? | ||
| I mean, I think it's all like whatever the fuck you're trying to get out of you through whatever medium, whether it's playing the violin or doing stand-up. | ||
| It's all what's trying to get out of you. | ||
| Whether it's building a house, whether it's fucking putting a car together. | ||
| When people do things, they're trying to express something about their own curiosity and creativity is trying to put something together so they can show it to other people and go, look! | ||
| Look! | ||
| Whether it's, you know, creating a book or creating an idea that turns into a song, that turns into a hit, that turns... | ||
| It's like we're trying to get something. | ||
| We're like, look at that, look, look, look, look. | ||
| Look, I found this. | ||
| I found this in the other dimension. | ||
| Dimension of creativity. | ||
| I brought it back. | ||
| Look, look, look, look, look. | ||
| All you have to do is you sit down by yourself and you tune in. | ||
| You just got to tune in and you write everything down and you figure it out and then you practice it and look, look, look what I got now. | ||
| I mean, that's what you're doing. | ||
| That's what anybody who's creating anything, whether they're creating a movie, they're figuring out how to, like, go deep in the imagination and, like, pull something out of their fucking head and hold it up for you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And what's so cool? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| No, I'm serious. | ||
| I was into that. | ||
| You just blacked out, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| We lost each other. | ||
| I blacked out, too. | ||
| I don't remember my last words. | ||
| I'm with you, my friend. | ||
| I'm with you too, but I don't know why. | ||
| I'm just unity. | ||
| Stay together. | ||
| Yeah, let's do it. | ||
| Stay to the road. | ||
| Stay off the moors. | ||
| Stay alert, stay alive. | ||
| What did you call me? | ||
| I said stay alert, stay alive. | ||
| Did you call me Susan? | ||
| No, I said Susan all the way. | ||
| That's my new tattoo, Susan all the way. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| That should be a trend. | ||
| Hashtag. | ||
| If you're thinking about doing that, I'm fucking kidding. | ||
| Don't get that tattooed. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| If you do, you and I are going to spend some time together. | ||
| Whoa, Jesus. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| That's pretty... | ||
|
unidentified
|
There was way too big of a gap between what you said and the words. | |
| Just kidding. | ||
| I'm drunk and a little stoned. | ||
| The gap was giant. | ||
| That gap was too big. | ||
| It was too great. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| We should drop what I just said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're fine. | |
| We're together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're all friends. | |
| Whatever. | ||
| I'm just going to keep forcing ahead with this. | ||
| I don't know when we stop. | ||
| I think we're supposed to stop. | ||
| We're talking about all this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're talking about this. | |
| Whatever we want. | ||
| This is the internet. | ||
| What you just said about the well of creativity. | ||
| The exciting point to me about that is it's all the same thing. | ||
| It's the same well. | ||
| And the only difference then is just some sort of technical aspect. | ||
| Did you learn to do stand-up? | ||
| Did you learn to play the guitar? | ||
| Did you learn to make movies? | ||
| It doesn't make a difference. | ||
| You know, that's just... | ||
| Like what the path of your creativity flows through. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whether it's your painting, or whether it's your music, or whether it's your, whatever it is, the path of your creativity, whatever it flows through. | ||
| Yeah, and it's like a raw technical element and that's it. | ||
| So what really matters is where you're coming from, from that well perspective, you know? | ||
| Maybe, but the other thing is that I feel like certain people are just drawn to certain type of activities, certain disciplines, certain things. | ||
| And when they resist that, there's huge issues with humans. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| That's exactly what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| And it's like a huge loss of confidence for people. | ||
| Creative suppression. | ||
| You feel bad. | ||
| It's bad. | ||
| You feel like... | ||
| It's almost like there's a just grand puzzle going on. | ||
| And you're just kind of going towards what's pulling you. | ||
| And is it healthy that it's pulling you in this direction? | ||
| Examine it. | ||
| Figure it out. | ||
| Figure out what it is. | ||
| And if you resist it, because you go, well, it's not a sure thing. | ||
| Or it's not... | ||
| How do you feel about conformity, then, in that respect? | ||
| Like, you being Joe, you know, and then you're in certain social settings or whatever, do you, you know, are you malleable? | ||
| Can you change into a way that, like, you're like, yeah, I'm with this crowd, or... | ||
| Oh, I can talk to anybody. | ||
| I can sit in a room full of born-again Christians and have a friendly conversation with them. | ||
| I probably couldn't have a decade ago. | ||
| But somewhere along the line, I've realized it doesn't matter if you're right or I'm right. | ||
| It's not a fucking game. | ||
| Okay, and so instead of quantifying it as a game, which is like a thing that guys love to do, we love to do it. | ||
| We want to be right. | ||
| I think just people love to do it. | ||
| People love to do it, but guys specifically. | ||
| God, that makes me feel better. | ||
| Guys like to fucking win arguments, you know? | ||
| It's a barbarian thing. | ||
| It's some fucking weird, you know, pub sword fight shit left over from the fucking dark ages. | ||
| I don't know if it's a gender-specific thing. | ||
| I think sometimes you just want to connect with people. | ||
| It's not so much about dudes or ladies. | ||
| I used to feel really guilty about being able to conform so easily because I love everybody. | ||
| I can hang out all the time and then I was like, did I just exploit myself or exploit parts of myself to fit in here? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But at the same time, I think it's okay to just have accessible aspects of yourself to connect with people. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, absolutely. | ||
| I mean, are you going to occasionally run into the wrong people? | ||
| But I don't think that's like a male... | ||
| I think that's across the board. | ||
| Yeah, no, that's across the board. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Especially the way you just said it. | ||
| I think, I don't know, being argumentative or like driving towards conflict. | ||
| Men are, women are, we all are, right? | ||
| It's not really gender dependent. | ||
| But I think there's an extra sort of dominator trait that a lot of men tend to have that want them to win arguments. | ||
| Look, I'm going to win this podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| How do you win it? | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I'm feeling like the dominant one. | ||
| Guys, guys. | ||
| I'm on top. | ||
| We'll allow that. | ||
| I feel like we're all winning this podcast. | ||
| I like the way you talk. | ||
| You're like a fucking politician. | ||
| God, you're such a peaceful lover. | ||
| I got a new name for you. | ||
| I got a new name for you. | ||
| This is what you just did. | ||
| It's Cheesus. | ||
| Cheesus. | ||
| In queso emergency. | ||
| In queso emergency. | ||
| You're the cheesy savior. | ||
| You're Cheesus. | ||
| Pray for Cheesus. | ||
| Do you know who told us that joke? | ||
| In queso emergency. | ||
| Ben's mother. | ||
| Swear to God. | ||
| Jesus? | ||
| Vivian Jaffe. | ||
| She told you the Jesus joke? | ||
| She told me... | ||
| Say it again. | ||
| I swear to God, I thought I was making that up. | ||
| No, Ben... | ||
| Have you guys heard that before? | ||
| Is there a Jesus joke? | ||
| The cheesy Jesus? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Listen, Ben's going to tell you right now. | ||
| Ready? | ||
| This is the mom from Wisconsin? | ||
| This is the Jesus joke. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| In queso emergency, in queso emergency, pray for Jesus. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| I'm sorry, but that is an acceptable racial, not racist joke. | ||
| I feel like we should go out with that. | ||
| I don't feel like there was any anger involved in that joke. | ||
| I feel like it was all done in the spirit of love and the reality of the way some motherfuckers talk. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| The way they speak English is better than the way I would speak Spanish. | ||
| And my mom is half Ecuadorian. | ||
| Amazing fact. | ||
| We're even safer now, Joe. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you guys think our friendship would go to the next level on this podcast? | |
| It has, and I knew it. | ||
| I knew it would. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| No, I wasn't doubting. | ||
| I was just like, wow. | ||
| This is the least musical and most silly of all the podcasts we've ever done. | ||
| Do you think our friends will still like us when we leave here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It doesn't matter. | |
| If they don't, it's on them. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| What did we do that's so horrible? | ||
| We had some fun. | ||
| What did we do? | ||
| We had a few good friends, had a bunch of laughs together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did we do? | |
| We had a potential air raid. | ||
| Air raid? | ||
| I heard jets. | ||
| Apparently, I googled it. | ||
| There was a jet that invaded the airspace. | ||
| No shit! | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Russia. | |
| Or a plane. | ||
| Some sort of a plane. | ||
| That was 2013. Should I stop picking fights? | ||
| Yeah, it was just because Obama's in town. | ||
| Incorrect. | ||
| I just Googled it and looked at the first one. | ||
| I didn't even look at the date. | ||
| I was trying to participate in the conversation. | ||
| You don't think there's going to be smoldering... | ||
| 2013, that's what happened. | ||
| Do you want to find out about the 2013 event, which I was accidentally referencing? | ||
| Joe, why do you have to do shows after this? | ||
| Because the ball keeps rolling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta keep rolling. | |
| It's impossible not to. | ||
| If you don't snooze, you lose. | ||
| That's Brian. | ||
| DJ Redband. | ||
| Are you spinning some shit over there? | ||
| Well, sorry. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| HoneyHoneyBand.com Uh uh uh uh uh uh. | ||
| Is that where they should go? | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| Honeyhoneyband.com. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Also Twitter and Facebook. | |
| Honeyhoney.com. | ||
| Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Facebook. | |
| Was a porn site. | ||
| Used to be a porn site. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| A good porn site? | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Or like a beekeeper fetish? | ||
| I would call it... | ||
| Was it a beekeeper fetish? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weird. | |
| A lot of weird fucking... | ||
| Rudimentary level. | ||
| Fucking grabbing. | ||
| There were no bleached buttholes on that site. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They were using the fucking beekeepers out there to choke each other. | |
| I have to stop. | ||
| What? | ||
| Autoerotic asphyxiation due to gee chokes on beekeepers' outfits? | ||
| My cheeks hurt. | ||
| Good collar choke on a beekeeper. | ||
| Is this still going? | ||
| The people are listening to this? | ||
| This podcast, we can end this right now. | ||
| Honey Honey Band on Twitter, Honey Honey Band on Instagram, and of course Facebook. | ||
| You guys are the shit. | ||
| This was fun. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| I enjoyed this. | ||
| This was a lot of fun. | ||
| This was really fun. | ||
| You guys are always, as always, awesome. | ||
| Brian Redman, ladies and gentlemen, deskwad.tv. | ||
| Go there, buy some t-shirts, support the deskwad empire, and that's it, you fucks. | ||
| Next weekend, I will be in Philadelphia, and I will be in Washington, D.C. Philadelphia on the... | ||
| 17th, I'll be at the Tower Theater and then the Warner Theater in Washington, D.C. Dirty, dirty, dirty freaks. | ||
| So, uh, I'll see you guys soon. | ||
| And, uh, we have a lot more podcasts this week, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Keith Weber! | ||
| Anthony Cumia! | ||
| It's gonna get crazy. | ||
| So, we'll see you soon. | ||
| Much love. | ||
| Big kiss. |
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