Sept. 3, 2014 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:55:06
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hello, freak bitches. | ||
| We're back. | ||
| This episode is brought to you by Ting. | ||
| Ting is the official cell phone provider for the Jogin Experience Podcast. | ||
| Ting is a cell phone provider. | ||
| I got one right here. | ||
| This is a Ting phone. | ||
| This is my Samsung Galaxy Note 5. It's pretty dope. | ||
| I like the fingerprint thing. | ||
| It's pretty sweet. | ||
| The fingerprint thing is sweet, and the fact that it's waterproof is pretty sweet, too. | ||
| What it is is what Ting uses is the Sprint backbone. | ||
| They use a Sprint network, but they do it their way with no contracts, no early termination fees, no ride-alongs or bundling, and no... | ||
| No bullshit that you ordinarily have to deal with if you deal with most cell phone providers. | ||
| Most cell phone providers also have their billing set up for what, say if you have 100 minutes a month, but you only use like 10, which is, by the way, what you probably use. | ||
| Most people don't fucking call anybody anymore. | ||
| If you call someone for 10 minutes a month, you're a weirdo. | ||
| Unless you're doing business. | ||
| You might understand if you're doing business. | ||
| But the point is, with Ting, you only pay for what you use. | ||
| They used to have it so that they would credit you on your next bill and knock money off your next bill if you ordered 100 minutes, but you only used 80. They would credit you that on your next bill. | ||
| But then they realize, like, why are we doing that? | ||
| Why don't we just charge you for what you use? | ||
| Like, that's the most logical way to do it. | ||
| And that's how Ting does it now. | ||
| So, I think every cell phone company is going to be forced to do it that way. | ||
| Because that's what it should be. | ||
| If you use more, you pay more. | ||
| But if you're, like, a heavy data user especially, Ting is an awesome way to go. | ||
| Ting actually just dropped their rates because of their second year anniversary for no reason other than they got a better deal and they said, fuck it, man. | ||
| We're going to continue this path of being an ethical cell phone company with just a good idea. | ||
| The good idea is to not fuck people over. | ||
| Give them something that's a good service that you can get at a good rate, and you feel good about the transaction. | ||
| Whereas, you know, you get those overage fees, or you get some fucking early termination fee, and it's like hundreds of dollars, and you're like, fuck off, man. | ||
| You feel robbed. | ||
| Well, Ting has it set up so you don't do anything like that. | ||
| 98% of people would save money with Ting. | ||
| And that's because they do mobile differently. | ||
| The average monthly bill per device for Ting customers, it's $21. | ||
| That's pretty fucking cheap. | ||
| And if you go to rogan.ting.com, you will save $25 off of any of their devices. | ||
| They have a wide range of cell phones. | ||
| Including iPhone 5s and all the greatest and latest of the Android models, including the LG Nexus 5, the Samsung Galaxy S5, which is what I got right here, and the Samsung Galaxy Note 3, if you just can't have it big enough. | ||
| Rogan.ting.com. | ||
| Save yourself $25. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Audible. | ||
| If you go to audible.com forward slash Joe, you can get a free audiobook from the number one provider of audio entertainment on the internet. | ||
| Audible has been around for a long fucking time, and I've always been a big fan of audiobooks. | ||
| It makes it so much easier. | ||
| And if you have this Amazon Kindle Fire HD, Amazon has this... | ||
| It's their version of a tablet, like a Galaxy tablet. | ||
| And if you get one of those from Amazon, the Kindle Fire HD, and you get this thing called WhisperSync, it's fucking crazy. | ||
| You read the book, so if you're at home, you're sitting in bed, you read the book, and then when you get to a certain page... | ||
| It syncs up with the audible version of it in your car. | ||
| So you get in your car, and then you listen to the audio version of the book. | ||
| So it's like it keeps going for you. | ||
| It's like you read when you can, and then they'll read it to you in between, which I think is pretty fucking awesome. | ||
| And if you want a free audiobook, you can pick from over 150,000 titles, including Life of the Party by our pal Bert Kreischer. | ||
| Actually read by Bert Kreischer. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's cool. | |
| You can get that shit for free if you go to audible.com forward slash Joe. | ||
| I can't say enough good things about Audible. | ||
| Like I said, they've been around a long time, and they have over 150,000 books to choose from, including radio shows, podcasts, comedy specials. | ||
| They have all kinds of shit. | ||
| They have the Opie and Anthony show that's not even Anthony anymore. | ||
| That's Burt Kreischer. | ||
| I think we're violating copyright by playing it over the air, though. | ||
| Anyway, audible.com forward slash Joe. | ||
| Go there, my friends, and get yourself a free audiobook and one free month of Audible service. | ||
| That's right, sweet bitches. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Also, we're brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| And right now, it is September 3rd, and it is 3 p.m. | ||
| West Coast time, which means there's one day, 20 hours, and 58 minutes and 6 seconds. | ||
| To go with the 72-hour sale. | ||
| 72-hour sale, 15% off everything. | ||
| You use the code SEP72. It's short for September. | ||
| And then 72 for the amount of hours in the sale. | ||
| If you hear this after that, then just use the code word ROGAN and you can save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| But it doesn't work on everything. | ||
| This code, this 15% code right now, works on everything. | ||
| What on it is is a human optimization website. | ||
| That's what we decided to call... | ||
| A website where we sell shit that does good things for you, whether it's get you in shape, whether it's give you healthy snack options like the Hemp Force Protein Bar. | ||
| Super healthy, very delicious, very good for you hemp, very easy to digest, one of the easiest proteins to digest. | ||
| We have hemp force powder, and that hemp force powder is the finest protein powder we could buy. | ||
| The most expensive stuff, all of it comes from Canada because the United States is a fucking crazy place that will be mocked in the future. | ||
| In the future, when they look back at the marijuana laws and how preposterous they were and how they affected its cousin, its non-psychoactive cousin hemp, And that's what hemp is. | ||
| I mean, it's not the version of marijuana that you use to get high. | ||
| It's a non-get-you-high plant, and it's still illegal because it's related to the get-you-high plant. | ||
| It's the male version of the species. | ||
| The female version of the species has the buds, which you get your THC from. | ||
| To answer your questions, because I know a lot of people have questions about protein powders that involve hemp or any products that involve hemp, you cannot test positive. | ||
| If you have a job that tests you, they make you pee in a cup. | ||
| First of all, if you do have a job like that, strategize your way to get the fuck out of that fucking jail. | ||
| Some dickwad doesn't let you take a hit off a joint on your weekend. | ||
| Because they're worried about you losing productivity for your fucking slave job on Monday? | ||
| Fuck them. | ||
| Is that your phone, Dom? | ||
| I'll turn it off. | ||
| No, just answer it. | ||
| Start calling people. | ||
|
unidentified
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Shit. | |
| Fuck it. | ||
| I want to do this show. | ||
| Anyway, Hemp Force. | ||
| You can only test positive if you smoke weed while you're eating Hemp Force. | ||
| But I should tell you that if you eat bagels that have poppy seeds on them or anything with poppy seeds, you test positive for heroin. | ||
| As crazy as that sounds. | ||
| But it is absolutely true. | ||
| If you're going in for a heroin test or any sort of a drug test, if you eat poppy seeds, you will test positive for heroin. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| It doesn't happen with hemp. | ||
| Go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, and browse our lovely selection of strength and conditioning equipment, as well as food, supplements, all that good shit. | ||
| And use the code WEARROGAN. You'll save 10% off all supplements. | ||
| And as of today, at 3-0-4, Wednesday, September 3rd, there is one hour, or one day, 20 hours, 56 minutes, and 46 seconds. | ||
| To use the code word SEP72 to save 15% off everything. | ||
| That's Onnit.com. | ||
| Oh, N-N-I-T. And, oh, DeathSquad.tv for all the new cats that Brian has put together on hats and cats and hats and t-shirts and All kinds of different shit. | ||
| Brian has a full fucking selection of all artwork that he's created, by the way. | ||
| If you see all this stuff and you buy any of these things, you're absolutely supporting the artist himself. | ||
| Because Brian created all these, he put it together, and he used our friends at Squarespace to design this website and to sell it all. | ||
| Which has been a pleasure. | ||
| It's the best website creator ever. | ||
| I mean, for the money. | ||
| Anyone that wants a website, totally use it. | ||
| There you go, Squarespace. | ||
| You got a free plug. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
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Kapow! | |
| No, I'm 100% in support of you. | ||
| I love Squarespace. | ||
| Anyway, DeathSquad.tv or ShopSquad. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| ShopSquad.com? | ||
| Dot TV. ShopSquad.tv, which is a link that you can get to directly from DeathSquad.tv. | ||
| But DeathSquad.tv will have not just this, but all the addresses and times for the comedy podcasts. | ||
| Like Kill Tony, which I did with my brother Dom Herrera. | ||
| What a time we had, Dom! | ||
| We laughed! | ||
| What a time! | ||
| We laughed at our laughing. | ||
| It was a very fun time. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| All that information, all the different shows that Brian promotes, as well as his gigs that he's doing on the road, all of it is available at deskquad.tv. | ||
| And then shopsquad.tv if you don't want to just cut to the chase and start spending shackles! | ||
| Alright, that's it, folks. | ||
| Oh, me. | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| I got September something or another. | ||
| I'm in fucking Toronto. | ||
| Let me find this because I didn't have it in front of me. | ||
| What are you doing, Massey Hall, Joe? | ||
| I am doing the Sony Center. | ||
| I like Massey Hall, but it was already booked. | ||
| But I did the Sony Center before, too. | ||
| It was pretty fucking dope. | ||
| Yeah, Sony Center for the Performing Arts with Tony Hinchcliffe, Friday, September 26th. | ||
| Joe DeRosa was supposed to be here tomorrow, but he had to... | ||
| He got an acting gig! | ||
| The kid's got talent! | ||
| You can't hold him back! | ||
| So Tony's taking his place, and Joe DeRosa will be here next Wednesday. | ||
| In the future, I have Rupert Sheldrake and Graham Hancock are going to be coming up. | ||
| I got a lot of good guests, real solid guests. | ||
| Mike Dolce is going to be here next week, and like I said, Joe DeRosa will be here next week. | ||
| All right, that's it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Boom. | |
| Sherlock, lock, boom. | ||
| Oh, Ice House. | ||
| Ice House. | ||
| I'm going to be at the Ice House in Pasadena September 12th and 13th. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Like the weekend after this one with Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| All right, that's it. | ||
| Cue the music. | ||
| Don Marrera's here. | ||
| Why fuck around? | ||
|
unidentified
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Why fuck around? | |
| Train my name Joe Rogan Podcast by night All day Dominic me brother Hello, Joe, for fuck's sake. | ||
| Look at you sitting up there in your high horse. | ||
| Yeah, he asked me if I was David Letterman. | ||
| I should tell everybody about this chair. | ||
| This is my latest device to try to mitigate back pain from sitting, and it's called the Sally. | ||
| Yeah, S-A-L-L-I. And it's a saddle chair. | ||
| It's like a saddle. | ||
| So if you see how it's sitting here. | ||
| No, no one's endorsing this. | ||
| I'm just telling you. | ||
| It feels... | ||
| I'm going to tell you this. | ||
| They would hate me endorsing this because it feels like shit. | ||
| It's like the least comfortable chair I think I've ever sat in in my fucking life. | ||
| It's the anti-commercial. | ||
| But, it's very good for your back. | ||
| And make sure you, like, you can't sit any way other than like this. | ||
| Like, you have to sit, like, straight up. | ||
| You can't, like, slouch in this thing. | ||
| It just doesn't support it. | ||
| And when I sit in a regular chair, by the end of the podcast, my fucking neck starts to hurt. | ||
| Like, my back, like around here, where I've been injured, starts to hurt. | ||
| Wouldn't that, like, stretch your asshole out, though? | ||
| That's what I'm trying to do. | ||
| Make it easier for you. | ||
| If I ever do wind up going in the pokey, I want to be... | ||
| You're going to be gaping soon. | ||
| No, it doesn't do anything to your asshole, you fucking idiot. | ||
| Well, I mean, look how you're sitting, though. | ||
| It's like your butthole is spread apart, isn't it? | ||
| No, I'm squeezing. | ||
| No, you're not listening. | ||
| The whole idea behind this is it's like a saddle. | ||
| If you sit in a saddle, you actually kind of have to hold yourself in place. | ||
| So by squeezing your legs together, it's not opening your butthole. | ||
| You're actually squeezing everything tight. | ||
| So if you were a gal and you wanted to have one of these, I figured it would probably be good for the old vajayjay. | ||
| Probably tighten that baby up. | ||
| Women are supposed to do those Kegelet. | ||
| Not supposed to. | ||
| Supposed to if they care about treating a penis correctly with their vagina. | ||
| They do those Kegel exercises where you squeeze your vagina and you can actually make it stronger. | ||
| There's some crazy bitch in Russia that's like the world record holder for the amount of weight she can carry with her pussy. | ||
| But it's something substantial, like 50 pounds. | ||
| So she shoves a dildo in her pussy, attaches it to a fucking kettlebell, and does squats holding this dildo in her box just with her shield pussy, like grabbing it like that. | ||
| Is anybody else getting hungry? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I'm getting peckish. | ||
| Did you ever hear of Honeysuckle Divine? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She was the one that used to shoot ping pong balls and eat a tuna fish sandwich. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Where was that at? | ||
| Where'd she do that? | ||
| I knew she did it at the Trocadero in Philadelphia because when we were kids it was like this big joke about Honeysuckle Divine. | ||
| But I was up at the Rib, and they were shooting a porn. | ||
| And, you know, these porn girls need so much attention, obviously. | ||
| And they didn't have anything else to do, no more conversation. | ||
| So one girl sits in the bar. | ||
| She goes, do your trick. | ||
| You know, the container, the cigars put in. | ||
| She jams that in, and she just pops it out. | ||
| But she hit the girl too hard. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| The girl's face is there, and she goes, boom! | ||
| And the girl goes, fuck! | ||
|
unidentified
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Ow! | |
| Big red mark on her face. | ||
| How do you explain that? | ||
| She can shoot it out of her pussy so hard it hurts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you see that fucking mantis shrimp that I posted on my Twitter page yesterday? | ||
| No. | ||
| You gotta see this. | ||
| This is the craziest fucking animal I have ever heard in my life. | ||
| If you scroll down, a guy named Mike Jackson Esquire... | ||
| The Truth Jackson on Twitter sent this shit to me. | ||
| And it's a murder mantis shrimp. | ||
| It's a shrimp that has a built-in weapon. | ||
| It's not actually a shrimp. | ||
| It's like they explain what it is. | ||
| It has a built-in weapon. | ||
| It has this thing where its body's got a spring inside of it. | ||
| It's got two hammers. | ||
| And it shoots the hammers out and slams onto crabs and kills them. | ||
| Breaks their shells open. | ||
| Breaks open clams and crabs. | ||
| It is the wildest looking thing I've ever seen. | ||
| In the ocean somewhere. | ||
| They call it the mantis murder shrimp. | ||
| And they have a video in slow motion explaining how this shrimp... | ||
| I never heard of it. | ||
| I never heard of it either until yesterday. | ||
| This guy who is explaining it... | ||
| We should give this guy's YouTube page, whatever it is. | ||
| Is that him? | ||
| Smarter Every Day? | ||
| Smarter Every Day. | ||
| It's called Mantis Murder Shrimp. | ||
| Yeah, scroll it back just a little bit before right where you were, just a little bit there, and it'll show you. | ||
| Watch how this thing does it. | ||
| Turn the volume up. | ||
| Watch how it comes out. | ||
| It whacks this crab and fucking kills it. | ||
| Fucking knocked it out. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
| It's got two hammers on the end of its claws. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| I never knew a thing like this existed. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| How could that be kept from us all these years? | ||
| All these years. | ||
| There's so many animals. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| The crab is smashed. | ||
| It crushed the shell of the crab. | ||
| It's crazy that that thing has been there in the ocean this whole time and we never heard about it until 2014. There's too many things to pay attention to. | ||
| That's why I come here to this podcast. | ||
| To learn about shrimps that fuck people up or fuck things up. | ||
| Yeah, it's not actually a shrimp. | ||
| It's like something else. | ||
| They call it a Here, I'll Google it to find out what the fuck it actually is. | ||
| But, incredible. | ||
| You're just finding out about this. | ||
| It's like boxing gloves, almost. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like hammers, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| So, the podcast is Smarter Every Day, or the show is Smarter Every Day. | ||
| It's a really well-done show, too. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| They did a great job of explaining the mechanism that this thing has inside of its body. | ||
| it's essentially like a spring it pulls this thing back and then it holds it in place and wait it's like locked and then when it gets close to things it just releases it blasts how hard it has to hit you because it's underwater yeah that's right slows it down yeah and deep underwater too you know it's not like it's on the surface you're dealing with a lot of pressure amazing really The world, Dominic. | ||
| There's so much. | ||
| And I forget something else. | ||
| The last time we worked together, we did Kill Tony at the Ice House, because I still don't go to the comedy store. | ||
| But the Ice House version of Kill Tony, you and I, that was more fun than... | ||
| That I've had doing a podcast in a long time. | ||
|
unidentified
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Me too. | |
| That was really fucking fun. | ||
| Yeah, we were crying laughing. | ||
| So silly. | ||
| So silly. | ||
| The premise behind Kill Tony, folks who don't know, it's Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redband have this podcast where they do, everybody does like a minute, like you have new comics, they go up and do a minute, and they have these two girls, what are their names again? | ||
| Sarah Weinshank and Kimberly Condom. | ||
| Very funny gals who do a new minute every week. | ||
| Which, if you've ever done stand-up before, it's hard to do. | ||
| It's a lot harder than it sounds. | ||
| Yeah, it sounds like a new minute. | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| But they don't get a chance to really develop it. | ||
| It's just every week they do a new minute. | ||
| And they've done that since the very beginning. | ||
| So their entire stand-up career has essentially been just doing stand-up on the internet in front of everybody. | ||
| That takes balls. | ||
| It does. | ||
| I was a little mean, I thought, but I was having fun. | ||
| You had to be. | ||
| You gotta go for the jugular. | ||
| Go for that jugular. | ||
| I love guys that had a minute and they came up like with 35 seconds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They couldn't fill a minute. | ||
| And they're like, okay. | ||
| So where are you guys from? | ||
| Well, if you stare at your mirror and you practice for a minute, it's most likely not really going to be a minute when you're up there because you're going to be panicking. | ||
| You'll be talking faster. | ||
| Do you ever get nervous anymore? | ||
| Everybody always asks me that. | ||
| Yeah, I got nervous before I filmed my special in Denver. | ||
| No kidding. | ||
| Yeah, because I worked so hard for it. | ||
| It worked out great, but it was just so much preparation for it. | ||
| It definitely felt more intense than a regular show. | ||
| You're big in Denver, Joe. | ||
| Yeah, I did it at a small place, though. | ||
| I did it at the Comedy Works. | ||
| That's where I'm going this month. | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| Did you go downtown or to the cruise ship? | ||
| Downtown. | ||
| The cruise ship? | ||
| That's what it's like, the other place. | ||
| Why do you say it's like a cruise ship? | ||
| It's just like a giant, because it has everything. | ||
| It has movie theaters, restaurants, and it's all in one little block. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying, yeah. | ||
| Downtown is funkier. | ||
| Yeah, well, downtown's smaller, too, and it's like you're stuffed into that really cool room. | ||
| Oh, you did your special in that room? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's a good idea. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| See, I think it's better than a theater. | ||
| I think so, too. | ||
| Well, my thought process behind it was that when you're at home, you're in your living room. | ||
| Your living room's very intimate. | ||
| You're sitting down, or, you know, maybe you're downloaded on your computer. | ||
| You're in your office. | ||
| But either way, you're in a small environment, usually. | ||
| And you're sitting there watching some guy on stage in front of thousands of people. | ||
| It's still a good show. | ||
| You can enjoy it, but you don't feel like you're there. | ||
| No. | ||
| But I've seen a couple people do them. | ||
| Sarah Silverman had one she did at Largo. | ||
| And I didn't watch too much of it, but I was like, wow, that feels good. | ||
| That she's all in tight like that. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| It feels good to watch a show where you're kind of like right there. | ||
| So I decided to do it. | ||
| I think it's good. | ||
| I had this discussion to be a name dropper with Tosh and with Seinfeld. | ||
| And both of them think theaters are better. | ||
| And I just disagree. | ||
| And even for Tosh's act, I think he's better in a club. | ||
| And Seinfeld said, why can't I just sit on my hands? | ||
| Why can't people sit on their hands and listen to me for an hour and a half? | ||
| Who are these people? | ||
| It's like, I said, because I'd rather people be drinking. | ||
| I'd rather them be a little distracted and having fun than focused like it's a theater. | ||
| Yeah, there's definitely a difference in the kind of show that you can do, too. | ||
| Like, you can't, like, bang, bang, bang, hammer them in a theater because the laughter... | ||
| No, you've got to wait for it to roll up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucks over the punchlines. | ||
| I went to see Louis Black, me and Joey. | ||
| We were staying at this place in Jersey, and we were doing the theater the next day. | ||
| He was doing it on Thursday, we were doing it on Friday. | ||
| And we went in to watch, and I was like, whoa, when a guy's on stage telling jokes, when people start laughing, you don't hear anything else he says until that laughter stops. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I never realized that, because obviously you're on stage, you have the microphone, you have the monitors broadcast in your face, so you hear yourself very loud and clear. | ||
| But the audience, they don't hear you very good when people are laughing. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| Ways don't for sure. | ||
| It's Madison Square Garden, places like that. | ||
| And you really had to wait for the wave to come by, because otherwise, you're right, you're talking over yourself, you're talking over the layup. | ||
| Yeah, you talk over the laugh and you kill all the taglines. | ||
| Anything after the punchline. | ||
| But some of those taglines, they have to be done very quickly in a comedy club for it to work. | ||
| So there's a totally different kind of timing in a theater that a joke won't work as well in some ways. | ||
| Because sometimes you say something, then you say something else. | ||
| You say something, then you say something else. | ||
| Everybody's laughing at the first thing, then the second thing. | ||
| In a theater, you have to say it. | ||
| Say it. | ||
| You know, there's a big pause and that timing gets funky. | ||
|
unidentified
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It fucks you. | |
| It's totally different, yeah. | ||
| I'd much rather do a club. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| It's just you can't make as much money. | ||
| And that's the difference. | ||
| But there's something to like some clubs or some theaters like Massey Hall we were talking about in Toronto. | ||
| Massey Hall's fucking phenomenal. | ||
| Even though it's 3,000 plus people, it's still phenomenal. | ||
| It's like it's the right size for some reason. | ||
| I was there one night. | ||
| Jason Alexander asked me if I wanted to do an improv at the end of the show. | ||
| We had to follow Robert Schimmel talking about cancer and killing. | ||
| He was fucking killing. | ||
| I said to Jason, I said, Schimmel's killing talking about cancer. | ||
| What the fuck are we going to do? | ||
| Fly around the room? | ||
| Yeah, he had a whole series, like, after he almost died. | ||
| I saw him in Tempe, and he had all this material about almost dying. | ||
| You know, about, like, he would bring up a pamphlet. | ||
| How brilliant do you have to be to make that funny? | ||
| He's honest as fuck, man. | ||
| That guy was honest as fuck. | ||
| He was such a sweet guy, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I ran into him after all the cancer stuff. | ||
| You know, he'd survived it, and he's really skinny. | ||
| I ran into him at Barnes& Noble, man, just randomly. | ||
| And he's so warm, so friendly. | ||
| That really fucking bummed me out. | ||
| That bummed me out. | ||
| The Robin Williams thing really bummed me out recently. | ||
| And Richard Jenny really bummed me out. | ||
| Those are the big three. | ||
| I didn't see it coming with Robin at all. | ||
| I mean, he was supposed to do my podcast now. | ||
| And I was going to call him. | ||
| It's so weird how life works. | ||
| Like today? | ||
| Well, around this week. | ||
| Because what happened was... | ||
| I didn't call him because I knew he was upset about the series not getting picked up and he had to go back home. | ||
| These kids were going to school or whatever. | ||
| Something was going on in his life. | ||
| I said, let me leave him alone. | ||
| I'll call him next week. | ||
| There was no next week. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I had to go on CNN and I fucking hated it because you just find out a buddy of yours dies and they want to talk about suicide and how he did it and brain chemistry. | ||
| I said, look, I'm sad right now. | ||
| I don't want to go into this chemical bullshit and theory about, you know, can we give him a moment? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dana Gould wrote a piece for, I think it was for Rolling Stone. | ||
| That I also tweeted yesterday. | ||
| Let me find it here. | ||
| But it's a pretty detailed piece about why so many comedians are depressed. | ||
| And I thought, Brains Behaving Badly. | ||
| Yeah, it's for Rolling Stone. | ||
| And Dana, who's not just a really funny comic. | ||
| I've known him forever. | ||
| But a very bright guy. | ||
| He's brilliant. | ||
| Very insightful. | ||
| And he wrote this interesting thing after the whole Robin Williams thing. | ||
| He said something so funny to me. | ||
| We're at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| I did this bit about mother and daughter exchange club, lesbians taking care of younger girls sexually, right, and vice versa. | ||
| And there was two lesbians there. | ||
| I said, did you ever see it? | ||
| One of the women went, yeah, yeah, I've seen it. | ||
| I said, it's hot, ain't it? | ||
| It's perverted. | ||
| It's hot. | ||
| And I say something to Dana, you know, being married. | ||
| And I get down and I sit down with him. | ||
| He goes, Dom, I've been married for 12 years. | ||
| Of course I've fucking seen it. | ||
| It's one of my favorites. | ||
| Dana's a funny guy, man. | ||
| The thing about the Robin and also about Rich Jenny that it's not in my wheelhouse is the depression thing. | ||
| Both those guys suffered from pretty severe depression. | ||
| And The more people we talked to, we had Cara Santa Maria on last week, who's a friend of ours, who's a very, very smart, very brilliant woman, and also a neuroscientist. | ||
| So, you know, she's not talking out of her ass when she explains what's going on in the human brain. | ||
| It's just a fucking disease, man. | ||
| It's a disease. | ||
| And anybody that doesn't have it, that talks out of their ass, you know, like fucking... | ||
| What's his face? | ||
| Henry Rollins said that it was, like, weak that he killed himself because he had kids. | ||
| Oh, boy, it's not that... | ||
| These people, you know, I see that they want to take a stand because they find it offensive that people would be, in their eyes, what they would consider so selfish that they committed suicide. | ||
| But I think in talking to people that have had it, I think it's pretty safe to assume they're telling you the truth. | ||
| do it they can't keep going like these motherfuckers when when they don't get help when they don't get some sort of a chemical help or you know whatever whatever needs to be done whether it says some sort of a mental imbalance whether it could be mitigated with exercise or diet whatever that state they're in when they hit the bottom this they can't go on man it's I don't understand it. | ||
| I don't have it. | ||
| I don't get depressed like that. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| In the morning, yeah. | ||
| Then I kind of work my way out of it. | ||
| Do you jerk your way out of it? | ||
| I jerk my way out of it. | ||
| I stain little things in my house. | ||
| Do you wake and spank? | ||
| Come here. | ||
| Come here, kitty. | ||
| You hit a bell. | ||
| But with Jenny, you could see something coming. | ||
| Jenny, he was always very neat. | ||
| He was all disheveled last time I saw him. | ||
| And Eleanor said she saw him at a supermarket. | ||
| He was knocking over things in the shelves. | ||
| The drugs were fucking him up. | ||
| What drugs was he on? | ||
| Some antipsychotic drugs and he was supposed to change the prescription that week. | ||
| I don't know which stories are true. | ||
| But Robin, the big difference was there was no indication. | ||
| Well, apparently not. | ||
| But Mark Gordon, who's this guy, this doctor that I've had on the podcast before, sent me this piece that he's working on on the high instances of suicide in relationship to operations. | ||
| And that people need to... | ||
| That's what Overton said. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| He's saying that they need to accept that there's an issue going on with people's hormonal balances that get thrown out of whack by a pretty severe operation like heart surgery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he cited the instances of hypothyroidism that can be caused by it and then the pituitary gland function, especially being under for a long time. | ||
| When they do like those, like what Joan Rivers just had done, they put her under for a long time and now she's still in like critical care. | ||
| She's in a coma, I think. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, she's fucked. | ||
| Apparently when you get put under for long periods of time, they do something like open heart surgery, which they did with Robin, it can be really tricky. | ||
| When you come out of it, it's like some pretty severe depression occurs in a lot of people. | ||
| So if people didn't see it coming before, you got that factor. | ||
| You also have the drug factor that he recently checked himself back into rehab again. | ||
| He said there was no reason to. | ||
| He was just like reaffirming his commitment to sobriety. | ||
| But that sounds like some PR people's idea of what to say for me. | ||
| Yeah, don't tell him. | ||
| Don't tell him you're really fucked up again. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he didn't get caught drunk driving or anything like that. | ||
| Whatever it is, he decided to check himself in again. | ||
| And so, there's all those things. | ||
| And, you know, he also had a lot of debt. | ||
| You know, he owed a lot of money. | ||
| I heard that, yeah. | ||
| But he was very wealthy still. | ||
| I talked to his agent, who's a friend of mine. | ||
| And she was saying, don't let all these people tell you that he owed more money than he had. | ||
| He had plenty of money. | ||
| He just has this like $30 million house in Napa. | ||
| He's like a 600-acre estate. | ||
| Like he has some crazy fucking park, essentially, in Napa. | ||
| And it's, you know, $30 million. | ||
| But she said he was still rich when he died. | ||
| And you can't say it was that. | ||
| It was, you know, when someone owes money, like they have a mortgage... | ||
| It's not like you can't pay that money. | ||
| It's just more strategic. | ||
| As far as how much interest you can earn on your money, it's smarter in a lot of cases to keep paying it off as a mortgage than it is to just spend whatever he owed on it. | ||
| It was $20 million or something like that. | ||
| Take the $20 million out of his money. | ||
| But she's like, he could have done that if he wanted to. | ||
| So it wasn't like he wasn't broke at all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But a lot of people thought that had an issue, too. | ||
| Just the fact that he's in failed relationships, it's depressing, and you know. | ||
| Yeah, I knew his first wife very well. | ||
| But, you know, the thing about him, when he won the Academy Award, I'll never forget it because it was like what Jamie Foxx won. | ||
| I go, wow. | ||
| We beat the grown-ups. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because nobody ever takes, I mean, they were both serious parts, but nobody ever takes a comedian seriously for Academy Awards. | ||
| And Mike Myers in Austin Powers, to me, was an Academy Award-winning performer. | ||
| I really believe that, at that level, because it was as funny to me as anything. | ||
| But anyway, Robin was so fucking talented. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| He's a very talented actor, man. | ||
| That movie One Hour Photo, did you ever see that? | ||
| That's one of my favorite movies. | ||
| Creepy fucking movie, man. | ||
| How many people saw that one? | ||
| Yeah, it was more of an independent. | ||
| That was one of the things that he was talking about, why he wound up doing that television show. | ||
| It was because it was an independent film situation where he was constantly getting these offers to do these films, and they barely even had funding. | ||
| And if they paid, they paid scale. | ||
| It was interesting jobs. | ||
| But he was like the big movies had kind of dried up for him for whatever reason. | ||
| Sometimes those movie star guys will go in these peaks and valleys. | ||
| Oh, definitely. | ||
| Like Kevin Costner. | ||
| He started to do movies recently, but remember after Waterworld? | ||
| It was like a long fucking time before anybody put that guy in a big movie again. | ||
| Did you actually see Robin's new show? | ||
| Unfortunately, I watched a few episodes of it, and I understand why I think it didn't work. | ||
| It just seemed very, very cheesy. | ||
| And maybe that might have been... | ||
| One of Robin's things because he was still playing a character that never really progressed in a way. | ||
| I'm still catching up on Seinfeld's I never saw. | ||
| What do you mean by a character that never really progressed? | ||
| Because if you ever see Robin Williams on The Tonight Show or any of those shows, he always does the same act where it's very... | ||
| Phrenetic? | ||
| Yeah, very crazy. | ||
| You almost can guess what he's about to do next. | ||
| To me, I loved it, but I also thought that when it was converted into a show, it was just too much. | ||
| It was just like, alright, this is so unrealistic and weird. | ||
| But he used to do that when he was on Mork and Mindy. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying, though. | ||
| It's kind of like... | ||
| Well, the difference is he's 60 now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was 30 years ago, yeah. | ||
| You can't be a 30... | ||
| You could be a 30-year-old guy and be like, a fucking craze crazer! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| I'm from another planet! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| But when you're 60, you know... | ||
| It's kind of like Jim Carrey doesn't do Jim Carrey as much anymore. | ||
| Like Ace Ventura. | ||
| Yeah, like if he was still doing Ace Ventura, then you made it a sitcom with a laugh track and it's like... | ||
| Yeah, like Man on the Moon when he did... | ||
| Is that what it was called? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When he did the Andy Kaufman movie. | ||
| Andy Kaufman, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that was a great performance. | ||
| That was an Oscar-worthy performance. | ||
| I mean, he really nailed Andy Kaufman. | ||
| He really was Andy Kaufman in that role. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it was amazing. | |
| He did a great job. | ||
| But, like, when he does the Ace Ventura stuff, you can't really do that when you're 50 years old or whatever he is. | ||
| He's probably like 50, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't really do that. | ||
| You can't do it when you get out of breath. | ||
| Pratt falls. | ||
| Well, didn't Chevy Chase, like, fuck himself up from Pratt Falls? | ||
| Yeah, it was back when he used to do Gerald Ford. | ||
| He used to do Gerald Ford falling all the time. | ||
| He was the president at the time. | ||
| Because, again, Chevy Chase was only on for, I think, one year. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And became that famous over that one year. | ||
| Well, he was the first breakout star. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| From Saturday Night Live, right? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Apparently, all those pratfalls really fucked them up. | ||
| Yeah, I've heard that. | ||
| I heard that about the Three Stooges, too. | ||
| Those guys were, like, punchy towards the end of their career because they were smacking each other so much. | ||
| You know... | ||
| Getting hit with shit. | ||
| Dunk. | ||
| What's a guy's name from Jackass? | ||
| Steve-O. No, not Steve-O. Johnny Knoxville. | ||
| Johnny. | ||
| I see him at the gym sometime, right? | ||
| We were talking. | ||
| I said, that's really cool. | ||
| You know, you guys are trained in stuntmen and stuff. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| We don't know a fucking thing. | ||
| We're just a bunch of assholes. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I thought they knew what they were doing. | ||
| They're fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that's not a smart thing to do what they're doing. | ||
| Alligators biting your balls? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| They got lucky. | ||
| They got lucky that no one ever died doing that show. | ||
| But then that one guy died. | ||
| They're still doing it, though. | ||
| They're getting lucky still. | ||
| They're doing it still? | ||
| Yeah, they're still filming stuff together. | ||
| I think they might even be doing another jackass. | ||
| What happened with Steve-O when he painted that sign near SeaWorld? | ||
| SeaWorld sucks. | ||
| He climbed up, fell a bunch of times if you want to watch it online. | ||
| I mean, I don't know if he fell on purpose. | ||
| He's just being a silly goose the way he climbs the sign. | ||
| He climbs the sign. | ||
| It falls from like fucking 30 feet up and lands on the ground and somehow survives. | ||
| Did you ever see him do stand-up? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's bizarre. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he does tell stories, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I mean, he also, like, does some physical stuff. | ||
| He tries to fall and stuff. | ||
| That's what I saw with the laugh factor. | ||
| I don't know if that's part of his real act, but... | ||
| Some of it involves fire, depending on the comedy club, you know, and the fire licenses. | ||
| He does a lot of different acts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he grew up, Ringling Brothers, Barney, he graduated from their college, so he used to be in the circus, so a lot of his shit is, like, active. | ||
| Can you imagine if you have a fucking business, you worked real hard, put together a comedy club, you hire a waitstaff, you get everything up and running, and Steve-O comes to town, he asks you if he could do fire on stage. | ||
| And you see your life falling apart for one fucking Thursday in November, and you're like, no. | ||
| No fire, dude. | ||
| No fire. | ||
| And then he's got the fire anyway. | ||
| I wrote it. | ||
| I wrote it. | ||
| Let me do the fire bit. | ||
| Yeah, one day. | ||
| That's not going to work. | ||
| One day something's going to go bad. | ||
| Doing fucking getting hit by bulls and getting launched into the air with a blindfold on. | ||
| You see that? | ||
| This was after Johnny Knoxville was a movie star. | ||
| He was already in movies with The Rock. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| He did that movie with The Rock. | ||
| After that, puts a blindfold on, lets a fucking bull launch him into the air. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| And flips head over heel. | ||
| It could easily land on his neck. | ||
| These guys expend so much energy. | ||
| They're very mild when you talk to them. | ||
| They're very low-key. | ||
| Jim Carrey's like that. | ||
| Jim Carrey's like, you know, he's the wacky guy, and then he's... | ||
| You ever talk to him? | ||
| He's just so, like, mellow and down-to-earth. | ||
| He's like Steve Martin. | ||
| He's almost shy and doesn't really like to even talk to people, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was such a dick to me. | ||
| I was doing... | ||
| Steve Martin was? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| You know, I was doing this thing for Comedy Central where before the awards shows, you would interview people. | ||
| Everybody was nice. | ||
| Jerry Lewis, Gary Shandling, all these guys. | ||
| Steve Martin, we asked him if we could interview him. | ||
| He said yeah, and then he wouldn't. | ||
| He was giving me one-word answers and just real smug. | ||
| I'm thinking, your fucking career was predicated by putting an arrow through your head. | ||
| Don't act so slick with me. | ||
| Why is he acting slick with me? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's just grumpy. | ||
| I mean, don't do the interview if you're going to be like that. | ||
| Yeah, that's too bad. | ||
| That's too bad. | ||
| I think he was brilliant when he was a comic. | ||
| I mean, Let's Get Small, all that stuff. | ||
| Very brilliant, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think what happened to him, though, is overload. | ||
| Like, if you talk to him, like, if you listen to him rather talk about it, he talks about how it got to a point where he can go on stage and anything he did, people laughed, so he couldn't figure out what was funny anymore. | ||
| They were just so happy to see him, and he was like, this is crazy. | ||
| So he just pulled out. | ||
| Pulled out of comedy. | ||
| Stopped doing stand-up. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| You couldn't do that, could you? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I guess I could. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I can't imagine you enough doing stand-up. | ||
| I could. | ||
| I wouldn't want to, but I could. | ||
| Yeah, I could. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| There's a lot of things I want to do, man. | ||
| I like doing stuff. | ||
| I'm writing a lot now, especially I'm writing a lot of stand-up because I'm getting ready to do a whole new hour. | ||
| I've got to put together a whole new hour. | ||
| It's really exciting. | ||
| But I'm also, I just started writing a book, too. | ||
| I'm writing a script. | ||
| I wrote this, not a script, another book, like a horror book, a monster movie book. | ||
| So I'm like, I don't have a bunch of shit I like to do. | ||
| So if someone said, you can't do stand-up anymore, I'd be like, man, I'm gonna miss stand-up. | ||
| But I gotta do all this other shit. | ||
| See, I don't have that. | ||
| Yeah, I like that. | ||
| I don't have that distraction. | ||
| I'm like a savant. | ||
| I keep myself busy. | ||
| See, for me, if I do only one thing, it doesn't sit well for me. | ||
| Well, you have a career nobody else has. | ||
| I mean, with the fights and everything, just the way your career, where you're acting, you know. | ||
| I mean, there are people that watch Fear Factor that didn't know you were a stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, well, I did a lot of things that didn't make any sense. | ||
| You know, they don't go together. | ||
| Like, being a stand-up and being a cage-fighting commentator, they don't really go together that good. | ||
| You're fucking great at that, man. | ||
| It's fun! | ||
| Well, you love it, and you know about it, and you break it down for people. | ||
| You know, I mean, I know you don't watch football, but I watch a lot of football, and there's a guy, John Gruden... | ||
| Do you watch football? | ||
| He talks about bubble screens and all this shit. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. | ||
| You break it down so that a common person could understand what's going on. | ||
| Well, there's a thing that sportscasters like to do to let you know that they're in the know. | ||
| They use obscure lingo and jargon, and they do it on purpose. | ||
| I've heard guys do it with MMA. Wow. | ||
| Different camps do different shit. | ||
| Some camps, they'll hit them with the Aldo. | ||
| They'll come up with names for combinations. | ||
| They'll come up with names for certain techniques, like a shovel hook is the Razor Ruddock. | ||
| The Razor Ruddock, and they'll have different numbers. | ||
| Instead of one, two, three, they'll do it backwards. | ||
| They'll have a ten-strike combination, from ten being the head kick, nine being the knee to the body, seven being the elbow to the head. | ||
| They'll have a bunch of them. | ||
| So they'll have their own system so that no one knows what the fuck. | ||
| If you're in someone's corner and you're yelling out, hit him with the two, hit him with the two, the guy's going to look out for the right hand. | ||
| But if two is a roundhouse kick instead or a wheel kick or something else, they won't know. | ||
| So everybody mixes things up. | ||
| So when someone's like, you know, I think the two-three is going to be big for him in this fight. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're just letting everybody know you're inside. | ||
| That's all you're doing. | ||
| You're giving them nonsense sports guy talk. | ||
| And you can't do that with fighting. | ||
| There's a lot of sports guy talk. | ||
| They like to insult athletes. | ||
| They like to insult players. | ||
| There's a certain amount of that. | ||
| But people don't tolerate that in MMA. It's a totally different kind of sport. | ||
| The people that have been really insulting about athletes, really insulting about calling them losers or fat or whatever, those people all get ostracized. | ||
| They all get pushed out. | ||
| Because there's such a tremendous... | ||
| The emotional burden of fighting, it's respected more. | ||
| There's going to be people that mock people when they lose, but a lot of those people are fucking teenagers or little kids. | ||
| People don't know about life. | ||
| But as far as journalists, the vast majority of ones are super negative journalists. | ||
| They get ostracized, which I think is a good thing. | ||
| I'll tell you what, the time that you invited us to Montreal, was that French-Canadian guy? | ||
| Georges St-Pierre. | ||
| That was one of the most exciting moments I've ever felt in my life, a positive energy. | ||
| Yeah, it was wild. | ||
| It was wild. | ||
| Yeah, they're always wild. | ||
| And thank God he won. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can't imagine if he had lost. | ||
| Plus, the crowd was so much classier, because I've gone to professional wrestling years ago, and they all look like they were all cross-eyed. | ||
| A skate on his face! | ||
| Don't say that to Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| He'll get fucking angry. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Hit him with the point! | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe was reading a book the other day. | ||
| A fucking pro-wrestling book on the insides of the business. | ||
| He subscribes to the channel and just sits there and watches every single Wrestlemania over and over again. | ||
| He was trying to explain to me how they write these story arcs. | ||
| He was right, though, that Brock Lesnar was going to beat John Cena. | ||
| He told me how it was going to happen. | ||
| We knew that was going to happen. | ||
| I don't know anything. | ||
| I don't know anything, man. | ||
| Of course he's going to. | ||
| But they admit that it's a show. | ||
| Well, they had to. | ||
| They had to for a bunch of reasons. | ||
| I think they had to for, like, tax purposes. | ||
| Like, that it's entertainment. | ||
| It's sports. | ||
| You know, it probably cost them money. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| I think they had to also because otherwise they could be accused of fixing contests. | ||
| So they think they had to change it from being a sport to being entertainment. | ||
| People didn't give a fuck, though. | ||
| No, they don't care. | ||
| They didn't stop the ratings at all. | ||
| I think it's funny when the punch lands, like, a foot away from the guy's face. | ||
| The guy goes flying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Oh! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they beat the fuck out of each other for real, too, though. | ||
| They do hit each other. | ||
| Oh, well, they're good athletes. | ||
| I mean, just flip it in the air and land it on your back. | ||
| I had to hit Kevin James with a punch on his show. | ||
| On Can Queens? | ||
| Yeah, and I was so upset because my left hand is so much better to my right. | ||
| So I threw this kind of half a fag punch with my right hand, and he goes flying down. | ||
| Why'd you have to throw a right? | ||
| Because they didn't accept your southpaw? | ||
| Yeah, the camera thing, whatever it was. | ||
| Sons of bitches. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| You should have stood your ground. | ||
| Say, look, I'm a lefty. | ||
| I wasn't in a position to, Joe, as a guest star. | ||
| I wasn't exactly an executive producer. | ||
| Tell the director to fucking switch it around. | ||
| Maybe we can go back and change it. | ||
| We should go back and post. | ||
| Film it upside down. | ||
| Brian knows Photoshop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Switch that shit around. | ||
| He's a clever little son of a bitch, isn't he? | ||
| So when you threw the punch, how far away from him were you? | ||
| At that bar. | ||
| And it looked like I hit him. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And he went down, and he comes up with all ketchup in his mouth. | ||
| I accidentally hit a guy in a scene, and we were doing that hardball show. | ||
| I threw a punch, and they threw a beer, I think it was, in my face. | ||
| A fake beer. | ||
| And I was supposed to hit him afterwards, but because the fake beer hit my face, I was temporarily blinded. | ||
| And I tried to do it in front of his face or to the side of his face, and I accidentally nicked him. | ||
| I felt so bad. | ||
| I didn't hurt him, but it was just like, what an idiot. | ||
| Of all people, I used to do demonstrations pulling punches on people's face, and I accidentally hit this guy. | ||
| Do you have VHS copies of this show and can I transfer it online? | ||
| I probably have a couple. | ||
| The only thing I've ever been able to find is one or two screenshots. | ||
| Sony took it to where they drop all that nuclear waste in Nevada. | ||
| They opened up some canisters and they dropped all the master tapes in the nuclear waste so that no one would ever see it. | ||
| What was it, Sony? | ||
| Disney. | ||
| Disney took it. | ||
| Fox. | ||
| Fox. | ||
| That was the first gig you had, wasn't it? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| First gig you had. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If it wasn't for that, nothing else, like I would have never gotten news radio, would have never gotten any of those things. | ||
| Because I got news radio because I was still out here. | ||
| And the reason why I was out here is for that hardball show. | ||
| If it wasn't for me signing a lease, because I wasn't going to sign a lease, like I was just going to rent at the Oakwoods. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, the Oakwoods is a thing that everybody does in L.A. When you're getting separated from your wife. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Everybody does in L.A. when you move to town because they'll rent you a furnished place. | ||
| It already has a TV. It has cable already. | ||
| It has a bed. | ||
| It's almost like you move into an apartment that somebody else's shit is there. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| They have paintings on the walls. | ||
| It feels like an apartment. | ||
| That's what I got when I first was here, but it was like it was too depressing. | ||
| There's too many weird people there was like a lot of weirdness there's like discombobulated souls wandering around there and I just I didn't enjoy the energy and so Like any idiot who's 25 years old is convinced his television shows gonna go. | ||
| I'm like this fucking shows gonna go I got a lease on an apartment, you know, I rented an apartment like a fucking moron and And I signed the lease and I bought a TV and set it up. | ||
| I didn't even have a couch. | ||
| I was watching TV on the ground. | ||
| And then the fucking show got canceled. | ||
| I'm like, shit! | ||
| I'm stuck out here. | ||
| I was totally ready to go back to New York. | ||
| Can you imagine if that would have happened? | ||
| Your life would be totally different. | ||
| He'd have been doing Broadway. | ||
| Yeah, I would have been a dancer. | ||
| I would have been a dancer. | ||
| Natalie needs a nightie. | ||
| I just would have concentrated on stand-up. | ||
| I mean, I'd already done stand-up TV. I'd already done Caroline's Comedy Hour. | ||
| I'd already done MTV Half-Hour Comedy Hour. | ||
| I was already headlining nationally, so I was already making money as a comic. | ||
| It was just when it was starting to work for me. | ||
| So I probably would have just concentrated more on stand-up. | ||
| But yeah, definitely would have been different. | ||
| I never would have been on something like news radio, that's for sure. | ||
| Or you were working Dunkin' Donuts in Tower 7. Who knows? | ||
| I wasn't working in Dunkin' Donuts when I was 19. I remember bringing you up to Montreal at Club Soda. | ||
| Yeah, that was before I was on anything. | ||
| That was a long time ago. | ||
| You were a completely different kind of comedian. | ||
| You were. | ||
| I mean, you were always good, but you were different. | ||
| You didn't invest the energy that I remember that you could do later on with the new rules. | ||
| I just wasn't that good. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You were pretty good. | ||
| I was okay. | ||
| I just didn't know how to be the best version of me. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But I didn't have any insight either. | ||
| That was the other thing. | ||
| I was 24, 25 when we met, you know, when we first did Montreal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, was it like 92 or something like that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Something like that? | ||
| Somewhere around then, but I didn't, you know, I was an idiot. | ||
| It was just me being on stage. | ||
| It's just like a ridiculous proposition. | ||
| Like, who the fuck is this guy? | ||
| Why is he allowed to talk? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, I think you're being tough on yourself. | ||
| You were pretty good. | ||
| Now you're just so confident the energy is all there. | ||
| I don't know if people get too comfortable, but you can see it. | ||
| You know how you have a half a minute on stage where you're just thinking or something? | ||
| You're comfortable with that now. | ||
| You weren't comfortable with that then, and neither was I. Right, what you mean. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The pauses and just being in your own skin. | ||
| And the audience can sense when you're not comfortable. | ||
| It makes them uncomfortable and the whole thing goes wacky. | ||
| Plus back then, if anything went wrong, the fucking show was over. | ||
| I never pulled myself out of a downward spiral ever. | ||
| I would do great, great, great. | ||
| Once it started going down, the ship was going to hit the rocks. | ||
| There was no getting out of that. | ||
| Just save yourself. | ||
| Well, see I had the improv in those clubs in New York. | ||
| Where did you develop? | ||
| Well, mostly Boston up until, I guess it was right around the time I met you. | ||
| I was moving to New York. | ||
| It was 92-ish, somewhere around there. | ||
| I lived in New York from 92 to 94. And in 94, I was already going back and forth to LA. But all that, like 88 to 90-ish, maybe, I guess it was 90, 91, all that was in Boston. | ||
| And a lot of it was working all these outside bar gigs. | ||
| The bar gigs and clubs. | ||
| Do you remember when it clicked in for you? | ||
| Honestly, as a professional, I don't think it wasn't until I was like 10 years in. | ||
| When I did my first comedy CD, which is I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday, I did it at the Houston Laugh Stop. | ||
| I did that in 99. That was when I felt comfortable enough with what I had to put it on a CD. And yeah, I listened to it today. | ||
| I cringe. | ||
| But I felt comfortable enough after 10 years in, like, I think I can release something. | ||
| But I feel I'm better now than I was two years ago. | ||
| I know I am. | ||
| I work at it more. | ||
| I work at it more. | ||
| I'm more excited by it. | ||
| I wasn't that happy with my last special. | ||
| I was when I put it out. | ||
| And then when I started going over it, I was like, I could have done this better. | ||
| I was doing too many different things. | ||
| But this one, I did stand-up every night. | ||
| I did stand-up Sundays. | ||
| I did Tuesdays. | ||
| I took Mondays off, but almost every week I was doing Tuesday at the Ha Ha, Wednesday at the Improv. | ||
| It does help, man. | ||
| Fuck yeah, it does. | ||
| Fuck yeah, it does. | ||
| I look at my act now, the body of my work, if I may. | ||
| And I think, who the fuck wrote this? | ||
| Because how did I get this much shit? | ||
| Because if I had to write, sometimes I think, like, you know, do you write a lot? | ||
| I go, yeah, I write every day. | ||
| The problem is it's not that funny. | ||
| Other than that, I'm prolific. | ||
| Well, that's the difference between a guy like you and someone who is not disciplined. | ||
| Like, some people, they sit down and they write and it's not good and they just go, oh, fuck it. | ||
| And they stop writing and they'll take days off and they won't write. | ||
| But you've got to show up. | ||
| If you show up, the stuff shows up. | ||
| It's really that simple. | ||
| I had a guy on the podcast yesterday. | ||
| His name's Sam Harris. | ||
| He's a brilliant guy, neurosurgeon, or neuroscientist, rather, and knows a lot about the human mind. | ||
| And he was arguing, not arguing, but explaining the idea of determinism, that there is no real free will, that everything you do is a combination of your genes, your life experiences, the environment that you're in. | ||
| It was a really, really interesting argument. | ||
| You're saying there's no free will? | ||
| Yeah, you're saying there's no free will. | ||
| I see what he's saying. | ||
| I see what he's saying. | ||
| He's saying that the reason why you act the way you act is essentially based on all these factors that you have no control over, like your genes, your life experiences, all these different things. | ||
| But as a comic, I guess it's all those things that are leading me to invest more energy into it right now. | ||
| But whatever it is, free will, whatever the fuck it is, that's causing me to be excited about it now. | ||
| I'm as excited, if not more excited, by stand-up right now than I ever have been, ever. | ||
| I could see that. | ||
| So much more fun. | ||
| When you get on stage and you're already in a good mood because you're on stage. | ||
| I think I'm appreciating how awesome a gig it is, too. | ||
| Oh, I love it. | ||
| Re-appreciating. | ||
| I never lost appreciation for it, but I compare it to other things. | ||
| Well, you know, the thing is, for me, it's crossing generations. | ||
| I appreciate that so much. | ||
| And, like, I mean, of course, shows like yours help a lot, but it's amazing to me. | ||
| I was in Montreal. | ||
| True story. | ||
| Stop me if you heard this. | ||
| I was in Montreal, and this girl and her mother, you can see that they were related, come up to me. | ||
| They both wanted to fuck. | ||
| They wanted to suck my fucking hairy sausage. | ||
| Oh, easy! | ||
| She goes, the kid was nervous, you know? | ||
| And she said, are you Dom Rear? | ||
| I go, yeah. | ||
| And she goes, can we get a picture? | ||
| I said, of course. | ||
| And so the mother walks away to get a camera and the father. | ||
| I said to her, how old are you? | ||
| She goes, 12. I go, 12? | ||
| This is because of the internet, you know? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And you know me? | ||
| She goes, listen, man. | ||
| She called me dude. | ||
| She goes, listen, dude. | ||
| I've been a fan of yours since I was seven. | ||
| I said seven. | ||
| I didn't know I had any single-digit fans. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Isn't that incredible? | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| A 12-year-old has been a fan since they were seven. | ||
| She says, funny's funny. | ||
| And I said, you know, we're so different. | ||
| It's a different generation, different world. | ||
| And I said, I can't believe your parents will let you watch a pig like me. | ||
| She goes, well, you know, the internet, you can watch anything. | ||
| Dom in six years, you're going to be fucking her. | ||
| That's where it gets dark. | ||
| I look forward to that show. | ||
| You will, too. | ||
| I know you, you son of a bitch. | ||
| I need two years to get hard now. | ||
| I'm glad you gave me these six years heads up. | ||
| Just save up the loads. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Don't have any of those three-quarter erection ejaculation moments. | ||
| Oh, no, that's sad. | ||
| A limp dick? | ||
| Well, you jerk it off with a limp dick and you comment anyway and you're like, oh no. | ||
| Why are those words the funniest words still? | ||
| Limp dick. | ||
| Limp dick jizz. | ||
| I jizzed all over the world. | ||
| Limp dick is always funny. | ||
| Limp dick is funny. | ||
| Because it's embarrassing. | ||
| It's inherently embarrassing. | ||
| I wouldn't know. | ||
| Never? | ||
| I'm hard now. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Hey! | ||
| You're like Liberace! | ||
| Liberace had one of his balls. | ||
| It was a pump. | ||
| Air Max. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| No, I'm not kidding. | ||
| Yeah, he had a pump. | ||
| There's a thing that guys do when they get erectile dysfunction that they used to do, I should say. | ||
| That's a thing Stallone had? | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| I heard Stallone like the lie in the glass while girls shit on them. | ||
| Oh, I thought that was dating. | ||
| That's what I had heard. | ||
| Danny Thomas? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was him too. | ||
| I wasn't gonna say it. | ||
| They did it together. | ||
| They jerked each other off while they watched it. | ||
| But that's not really fair. | ||
| It's not shitting on a table. | ||
| It's biological. | ||
| You know, you're watching it expand. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| Yeah, it's like when a little kid plays with Play-Doh and they have the factory and they wind it up and it comes out. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
| You were the one that told me about that a long time ago when we first started looking up shit on the internet about some Japanese guys getting shit on. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of videos of people that would like shit in each other's mouths and stuff and you can't believe it's real, but when you watch it, there's some fake ones like Two Girls, One Cup, they like put ice cream up their ass or whatever the fuck they put up there that wasn't exactly shit. | ||
| I hate that. | ||
| Apparently you can get some severe diabetes from that. | ||
| Get all that sugar up your butthole. | ||
| But I don't think they're concerned about those girls. | ||
| No, I don't think that would be their first worry. | ||
| There's plenty of videos, though, of people eating shit. | ||
| It's apparently, it's a genre. | ||
| You know, some folks enjoy watching it. | ||
| I've had it in my mouth once. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| He's thinking about asking. | ||
| He's like, I shouldn't. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| No need. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Did you know her? | ||
| I knew her very well. | ||
| He was sleeping in the same bed as her. | ||
| Did you do a bit on that? | ||
| It's outside. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I thought I heard it before. | ||
| It's a true story, Dominic. | ||
| It's not a happy story, but it is a true story. | ||
| It gets dark out there. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| That's a weird fetish. | ||
| That wasn't his idea, though. | ||
| That was just an accident. | ||
| She was an accident, right? | ||
| Some people, they're shit in each other's mouth. | ||
| They go, okay, let's meet here at 2 o'clock and I'm going to shit in your mouth. | ||
| Yes, I'll be there. | ||
| How do you get to that point? | ||
| You've done every perversion there is, so you get to that point. | ||
| Well, that's why what Sam Harris says is so fascinating. | ||
| Because if determinism is true, that means that you're not even responsible for letting someone shit in your mouth. | ||
| It's like all these variables have played a part in your being, who you are at this moment, lying there on this stainless steel table while this Japanese guy hovers over your face. | ||
| Japanese guy? | ||
| Yeah, he pulls his sack up so his balls don't get shit on and dumps one right down your fucking mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| I don't know why. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know a lot of things, though. | ||
| I don't understand the Grateful Dead. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Why they're such a phenomenon? | ||
| I don't get why anybody listens to that and likes it. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I understand that you like it, but I'm just being honest. | ||
| No, I don't like it. | ||
| Not you, but anybody who's listening to this. | ||
| Like, I get that sunk trucking. | ||
| I get a touch of gray. | ||
| I've heard a bunch of it are pretty good. | ||
| To be a deadhead seems a little over the top. | ||
| My cousin traveled around the country with him. | ||
| I used to. | ||
| You used to travel the country? | ||
| I mean, I went to three shows, but he died right when I got into him. | ||
| Garcia? | ||
| Oh, that's so funny. | ||
| He's like, fuck this guy. | ||
| I'm just going to kill myself. | ||
| You know what it was also about, though? | ||
| What a lot of people forget is that it was also people that you knew that also liked to smoke marijuana when it was really, really illegal. | ||
| So it was like this group thing of like, hey, we all like to do psychedelics and mushrooms and smoke weed and And that was a lot of it. | ||
| Yeah, well, there's also a thing that happens when you're on a drug, when you listen to something, where it just sounds totally different than if you're not on that drug. | ||
| That's a reality that I experienced recently with... | ||
| What's called an Icaro. | ||
| An Icaro is this thing that they play when there's ayahuasca ceremonies are going on. | ||
| And if you take DMT and you listen to this Icaro, you see these things play out in front of you. | ||
| Tony's going to talk about it tomorrow. | ||
| Tony and I will talk about it tomorrow because we did it together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You did? | |
| In Texas. | ||
| With these Icaros. | ||
| But it's this crazy fucking sound that's... | ||
| That's playing, that is like, it's really wild because the sound somehow or another affects the music, or the images you see, rather. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| This is all these shamans in the Amazon, and they play this, and while you're on DMT and you do this, the images and these elves in this hallucination, or whatever you want the images and these elves in this hallucination, or whatever you want to call it, they dance to this music, and it's man. | ||
| It makes the whole thing... | ||
| It makes the whole thing even more bizarre. | ||
| But what's weird is that these songs were actually designed to be used that way. | ||
| They were all made by these trippers in the Amazon, and they're all using rattles and shit, and they're whistling. | ||
| like listen to this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It sounds like really simple music, right? | |
| If you listen to that, I'm like, dude, you need to download this. | ||
| You'll be like, bitch, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I'm listening to some asshole whistle and slap his thigh. | ||
| But if you listen to it, when you're under the influence of DMT, it's amazing. | ||
| It's like they dance to the music. | ||
| It's really, really weird. | ||
| With all psychedelics, though, music is very, very important with mushrooms and everything, because I've really changed a whole mushroom trip before just on the music I listen to, being like Pink Floyd or doing some kind of more drum-type stuff. | ||
| See, I think that would kill me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I'm serious. | ||
| If I took mushrooms or anything hallucinogenic, I'm so close to the fucking edge anyway that I need tranquilizers. | ||
| You're that close to the edge? | ||
| Living on the edge! | ||
| Aerosmith! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Something wrong with the world today I don't know what it is Something wrong with the eyes This is another one. | |
| This is one of my favorites. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| It's kind of like the last thing you hear when walking down a dark alley about to get raped by some guy. | ||
| I was thinking of an open wheat field. | ||
| You didn't really even think that. | ||
| You just went with that because you thought it would be an interesting thing to say. | ||
| No, the first one I did because I was thinking of a guy whistling and walking slowly down an alley. | ||
| Stroking his cock? | ||
| That would be terrible if a guy was raping you while doing this. | ||
| If your mind went there and you're getting raped by dragons and... | ||
| Have you hallucinated? | ||
| When? | ||
| Right now? | ||
| No. | ||
| Have you hallucinated? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| In real life or with drugs? | ||
| With drugs. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Hello? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I don't know if I'm really seeing elves. | ||
| Maybe I'm really seeing elves, but I'm assuming that it's a hallucination. | ||
| Well, you don't hallucinate on pot. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, you can if you eat it. | ||
| If you eat it and you close your eyes, you definitely hallucinate. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| If you eat a large dose, like if you have a cookie, like a strong cookie, and then you lay down and close your eyes, you see bizarre shit. | ||
| That would scare the shit out of me. | ||
| Oh, it should. | ||
| But that's part of the whole thing, is that it scares the shit out of you, and then when it's over, you feel better. | ||
| I was asking Joey Diaz last night about... | ||
| I said, do you ever go a day without eating pot? | ||
| He goes, yeah, of course I do. | ||
| I said, does it bother you? | ||
| He goes, no, I smoke. | ||
| I tried it once in the 60s. | ||
| It's overrated. | ||
| Yeah, he's taking it to another level. | ||
| He definitely... | ||
| He does take... | ||
| You know, he takes days off of edibles. | ||
| Yeah, that's what he said. | ||
| Edibles can fuck with you, man. | ||
| They can give you panic attacks. | ||
| I've been with Joey when he was getting like a panic attack. | ||
| We were on a plane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And he's eating these things called Chiba Chews. | ||
| Let me tell you about Chiba Chews, Dom Herrera. | ||
| I don't ever eat a whole Chiba Chew. | ||
| I mean ever. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| I saw Joey eat three of them. | ||
| Three. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Three Chiba Chews. | ||
| And you don't even eat one? | ||
| If you ate three Chiba Chews and you listen to this and you close your eyes... | ||
| You would see the most bizarre shit ever. | ||
| Dancing fluorescent cartoon characters fucking and creating new cartoon characters that are separating and dividing like cells. | ||
| You'd see your whole childhood play out. | ||
| In a cartoon form, like a comic strip, you can see anything. | ||
| You will hallucinate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, that's a massive, massive dose of THC. Now, how did he walk from the plane to the car? | |
| He didn't. | ||
| He sat in that plane for five hours while he flew across the country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then when it landed, he goes, Joe Rogan, I almost had a fucking panic attack on that plane. | |
| Was he okay by the time he landed? | ||
| Basically, yeah. | ||
| He recovers quickly. | ||
| THC, well, marijuana when you eat it, produces a psychoactive chemical called 11-hydroxy metabolite, and it's about five times more psychoactive than THC. It's much more like mushrooms, much more like a psychedelic than marijuana. | ||
| So marijuana just gets you high, but that 5-hydroxy will fucking kick your dick into the dirt. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why when people eat cookies, they always say, oh, it was laced, man, it was laced. | ||
| That wasn't laced. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| When you eat a lot of it especially, I had one of the most frightening moments of my life. | ||
| I took a marijuana pill. | ||
| And I was talking to this guy that turned out to be a rapist. | ||
| Turned out to eventually... | ||
| He eventually went to jail for rape. | ||
| He was a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. | ||
| And he fled while he was on this... | ||
| They were looking for him. | ||
| So he fled and moved to the Pacific Northwest. | ||
| Started doing jiu-jitsu again. | ||
| Even though they were looking for him. | ||
| Couldn't stop doing jiu-jitsu because he liked to do it so much. | ||
| And I was at this... | ||
| Grappling event, and he had competed in this grappling event, and I had taken this pill, and I was way too high to be out in public. | ||
| It was confusing. | ||
| It was really like, whoa. | ||
| It was one of the first times I was ever really, really big. | ||
| But he and I were talking, and when we were talking, I was like, wow, there's a distinct, like, different thing going on with this guy. | ||
| Like, this guy has, like, there's an ability to do things that this guy has, like, in his head, that might not necessarily be good things. | ||
| Like, if you were with this guy in a street fight, he might, like, stomp somebody to death. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, you might see him do that. | ||
| Like, don't do it! | ||
| Stop doing it! | ||
| You know, like, he wouldn't... | ||
| I don't... | ||
| You know, there was, like, an edge that he had that he had crossed over. | ||
| And I was feeling that when I was on the pills. | ||
| And then, like, a couple months later, the guy goes to jail or gets indicted and, you know, and then flees and then winds up going to jail later when he's still doing jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Because they had found him in some school. | ||
| Because he was a really high-level black belt. | ||
| There's not that many guys that are capable of tapping out other black belts. | ||
| So when some guy comes into your school out of nowhere, and he starts strangling your instructor, everybody's like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| You try to pretend he was some guy from Brazil. | ||
| And everybody's like, but he's American. | ||
| What the fuck's going on? | ||
| He's in jail now? | ||
| He's in jail now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But it's those goddamn pills. | ||
| I saw into his soul. | ||
| I didn't like it, Dom. | ||
| I don't even like hearing it. | ||
| I started thinking I'm going to get it over the air. | ||
| But in the context of that story, is the song any better? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I like this. | ||
| Why you don't like it? | ||
| When you're high as fuck and you hear this, it's the greatest song of all time. | ||
| That's why I downloaded it. | ||
| I had to keep it. | ||
| I wanted it to be a part of my life. | ||
| What language? | ||
| Are they singing anything? | ||
| Or just making noises? | ||
| No, there's words to it. | ||
| I don't know what the words are. | ||
| This one, there's words to it. | ||
| Obviously, the other ones didn't have that. | ||
| They're from the Amazon? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's the real deal. | ||
| Peruvian, so I guess it must be some form of... | ||
| I don't know what... | ||
| I mean, it's not Spanish. | ||
| No, it's native. | ||
| Yeah, but Peru, they speak Spanish mostly. | ||
| I think they speak a bunch of different languages. | ||
| They have a native tongue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In the Amazon. | ||
| A couple... | ||
| It's wild shit, man. | ||
| That's a crazy place to live. | ||
| But this is their technology. | ||
| This is the technology that they've invented to try to enhance or change these psychedelic trips that they go on. | ||
| Very, very weird. | ||
| Do you ever get stuck in one and you think you can't get out of it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I've gotten... | ||
| I had one that I did a few years back that fucked me up for a couple weeks afterwards. | ||
| Like, it was so intense that for a couple weeks afterwards, I was really worried that, like, reality itself had gotten... | ||
| The way I described it was reality was too slippery. | ||
| Like, it didn't make sense. | ||
| Like, I'd get these thoughts on my head. | ||
| Like, I'd be driving on the highway. | ||
| I'm like, what if a car flips the divide and comes towards me right now? | ||
| Like, I'm like, why am I thinking this? | ||
| You know? | ||
| And I think... | ||
| What were you working on then? | ||
| On this? | ||
| Fear Factor. | ||
| No, just post-Fear Factor. | ||
| So nothing. | ||
| Just doing stand-up. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You were still at the Comedy Store because I remember you talking to me about this. | ||
| So that was 2007, maybe? | ||
| 2006, maybe. | ||
| Was it that long ago? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because we stopped going to Comedy Store at 2007. I feel like it was post that, Brian. | ||
| That's so long ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think they bet on the wrong horse. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| I remember we were in the back alley behind where the back door is. | ||
| I had a few that fucked me up. | ||
| I don't know if this is the same one. | ||
| You said life is slippery and you were like, you just saw a ghost and I'm like, did you do this last night? | ||
| And you were like, no, this is like four days ago. | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| I'm not sure if our timelines are correct here. | ||
| Anyway, that's not important. | ||
| The important thing was it took about... | ||
| I think what was going on for about two weeks after this experience was that it was so ego-shattering. | ||
| The psychedelic trip was so... | ||
| It so changed my idea of what was important and my position in my own universe. | ||
| Instead of me being the center of my own universe, I became this piece in this gigantic fractal. | ||
| It was very weird. | ||
| If you're clinging to this idea... | ||
| What makes you successful? | ||
| What makes you push forward? | ||
| Well, I know you personally. | ||
| I know you enjoy killing. | ||
| You like going up there and you like being a great comic. | ||
| There's a reason why you're a great comic. | ||
| You worked at it, you like it, you enjoy it, you go up, you do it, and you take pride in that. | ||
| Well, when you have a really intense psychedelic experience, one of the weird things that happens is your idea of who you are, the you thing, the you part of it, which was so natural and normal, kind of dissolves. | ||
| So I think my ego, by worrying about all this shit, by worrying about cars flipping into my lane or weird things happening, it was almost like my ego was trying to present me with a bunch of different dangers. | ||
| though these dangers you have to prepare for these so you have to worry about yourself you have to think about yourself so it's like it was trying to counterbalance the destructive ego destructive properties of the psychedelic like the psychedelic was saying listen you can tweak out all you want about shit but here's the reality the reality is you're a part of something that's infinite and it goes on forever it's infinite in size and it's infinite in length and it's fractal it It folds into itself and expands onto infinity. | ||
| And you could pretend you're important all day long, but you're not. | ||
| It's impossible for you. | ||
| You're a part of the universal soup of not just consciousness, but of atoms and subatomic particles and all these different things fold into each other. | ||
| And it was so humbling that I think my ego was trying to battle it. | ||
| I think my ego was trying to reclaim ground. | ||
| And the way to do that was to make me paranoid, to make me worry about shit. | ||
| Usually, I'm aware when I drive, but I don't usually think, like, what if a car flips over that lane? | ||
| What if a car comes out? | ||
| One of the things that they used to connect DMT with when they were first experimenting with it, they thought it causes psychosis, and they thought maybe it exists in higher doses in people that are psychotic. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why they're nutty. | ||
| They're nutty because their brain is producing all these weird chemicals that have been shown to be produced by the body that also produce hallucinations. | ||
| It might be. | ||
| Did you see those Twitter images about that guy who has pineal cancer? | ||
| Joe, one of your original DMT trips, you talked about how you met some kind of visual spirit or something like that, and he was tailing you like 3,000 million times or whatever that was. | ||
| Do you still talk to that exact same guy, or is there a new guy who got fired? | ||
| It's there's a part that you go to that's like the same place and the part you go to is like These rotating columns that go on in infinity and it's all like you're a part of like this You see like the gears and the mechanisms of the universe It feels like and it's filled with entities like whatever this thing is It's filled with like these conscious entities where it feels like conscious entities and sometimes They talk to you in English or | ||
| This last time, they were talking to me in a language that wasn't even real. | ||
| They were talking to me and they were saying words. | ||
| They were saying things that didn't make any sense and showing you things. | ||
| And if you thought negative in any way, they would go like this. | ||
| Your finger would shake back and forth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | |
| And then if you calmed yourself and thought positive, that would calm down. | ||
| But it was like letting you know every time you slipped into any sort of a negative pattern of thinking. | ||
| And it was exposing a lot of the ideas that I was thinking that were important, that weren't important at all. | ||
| It's all ego-based ideas. | ||
| Ideas about... | ||
| You know, how you dress or how you look or, you know, whether your car is dirty and whether you're not, you know, whether you make X amount a year or Y amount a year, whether you, you know, all these ideas that we have connected together. | ||
| To ourselves that like infest our brain and they're there all the time. | ||
| It was letting me know like you're spending too much time thinking about stuff that's not important. | ||
| It's like showing it to me like over and over and over again. | ||
| But it didn't do that thing where it says I love you. | ||
| It didn't say look at this. | ||
| Like the one time it was like they were like I love you 600 million 500 thousand times. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And every time they would say, look at this, it would become this even more beautiful thing. | ||
| Well, that's good. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| But this one, again, I did to these Icaros, these songs. | ||
| You're going to do it tomorrow? | ||
| No. | ||
| Why? | ||
| You want to get out? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Want to get in on this? | ||
| Joe, I can't do... | ||
| If I do three teaspoons of cough medicine, I get fucking shaky. | ||
| That's not true, but you could have a drink. | ||
| You can have a little Xanax. | ||
| Have a little of that. | ||
| I don't drink with Xanax. | ||
| Why? | ||
| What happens? | ||
| Well, your heart slows down too much. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| A lot of people die from tranquilizer alcohol mix. | ||
| Yeah, I gotta work for those people. | ||
| What? | ||
| Pussies. | ||
| You're a pussy for dying. | ||
| Pussy. | ||
| You can't take a little fucking Valium and a little whiskey? | ||
| No, you shouldn't. | ||
| That's how Merle Haggard became famous. | ||
| That's how Johnny Cash made his songs. | ||
| You gotta do it, son. | ||
| Mix it up. | ||
| All those country music guys used to fucking party hard. | ||
| That was a big shocker to people that saw that Johnny Cash movie, Walk the Line. | ||
| Everybody was like, what? | ||
| They were all pilled up? | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Fuck, yeah. | ||
| A lot of musicians, musicians, they used to call it, what did they call it before? | ||
| Marijuana? | ||
| Before it was called weed. | ||
| I forget, but anyway, it's like... | ||
| Grass? | ||
| Maybe grass, yeah. | ||
| What's that noise? | ||
| Is that outside? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's that song coming back. | ||
| Well, this is a very different podcast, Joe. | ||
| I never thought I'd get nervous on your podcast. | ||
| Are you nervous? | ||
| Well, the head stuff gets me a little. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| Then you should do it. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| No! | ||
| It would kill me. | ||
| They give you the finger. | ||
| They look like Jokers. | ||
| They have like Joker masks on. | ||
| You see them when your eyes are open or your eyes are closed? | ||
| Your eyes are closed. | ||
| You see them way more visual. | ||
| The visuals are way more potent than anything you could ever see with your eyes open. | ||
| They give you the finger. | ||
| They're spinning around giving you the finger. | ||
| They're spiteful little bastards. | ||
| Well, they're having fun with you. | ||
| They're letting you know. | ||
| I think it's their way of telling you not to take yourself seriously. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Look where we are. | ||
| You take yourself seriously, dude, we're in another dimension and we're fucking mocking you. | ||
| But you're creating it, right? | ||
| Your brain's creating it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I would think so. | ||
| You think there's really something out there? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And this is the best way to describe it. | ||
| I don't know what life is. | ||
| I think life itself, like this life that we live, if it didn't exist... | ||
| If you said, if you just, you know, you were creating a universe, you had no point of reference, and you said, we're going to have a bunch of people that the way they interact and let each other know what's on their mind is they make noises with their face. | ||
| And then everybody's noises are different depending on what patch of land you're in. | ||
| And those noises represent, like, shit that we've written down with symbols. | ||
| But everybody's symbols are different, too. | ||
| Like, there's some similar ones that a lot of people use in different places, but then the Russians, they change them up, and the Chinese change them, and the Japanese have their own system, and the Koreans have their own shit, and then the Spanish people use fucking, like... | ||
| Water slides over the top of their ends. | ||
| You know, everything's weird, right? | ||
| And the only way they communicate with each other is by doing this. | ||
| And then someone came along and they invented a translator. | ||
| So you take a copy, big slabs of text, you throw it into Google Translate, then it spits back up some broken English version of what that person is saying. | ||
| Just that alone is weird. | ||
| The fact that there's a planet with these types of people, these entities, and they're sending photos of each other. | ||
| They're flying in metal tubes. | ||
| They're broadcasting video through the sky, and you can pick it up on your phone, and you can watch it. | ||
| I mean, that alone is very psychedelic. | ||
| It's just we don't think of it because we keep doing it. | ||
| What we do as comedians is entirely psychedelic. | ||
| When you're on stage this weekend at the Laugh Factor, and you're killing When you're doing that, that's like a form of mass hypnosis. | ||
| You got those people locked into the way you're thinking, and you're doing something to their body. | ||
| By you talking, and you talking in this expert rhythm of the master stand-up comedian and Hitting all the punchlines and thank you, goodnight, and they're like, what a show! | ||
| They laughed and all you did was make noises with your mouth that represent ideas that you can introduce into their head that they wouldn't have ordinarily pieced together like that. | ||
| You don't really know my act. | ||
| I know how you work! | ||
| But that's psychedelic. | ||
| So what is going on when you take a drug and you see these things with your eyes closed? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Because it seems like they're way fucking smarter than me. | ||
| It seems like they're mocking me, they understand me, and they're so beyond anything that I could ever experience on this planet. | ||
| It seems like... | ||
| I don't know if there is anything other than this dimension. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But scientists seem to explain it in some sort of a way, where I'm willing to listen to them, but I don't... | ||
| There's definitely something else, whether, I mean, just the fact that this is all atoms, and it's moving, everything's moving, is beyond my scope. | ||
| I mean, I can't, like you said something one time, and I think we were sitting on stage, about, you know, we have no control over our journey through space as a planet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the thing that's interesting to me is we have absolutely no control. | ||
| I mean, if this planet just dropped, For some gravitational reason. | ||
| There's nothing we could do. | ||
| What if it just started falling? | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| There's a whole solar system, everything's spinning, and our planet just drops. | ||
| What would we do? | ||
| I mean, we're going, oh, fuck! | ||
| Get in my spaceship. | ||
| Somebody put something in my drink? | ||
| There's nothing you can do. | ||
| Yeah, we're fleas. | ||
| Fleas on a dog. | ||
| That's what cracks me up with people who are so full of themselves. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| What are you fucking cocky for? | ||
| We don't even know what we're doing here. | ||
| That's what they tell you when you do DMT. That's what those things are doing when they're giving you the finger. | ||
| They're like, you fucking idiot. | ||
| You take yourself seriously? | ||
| Wouldn't it be cool if it was always there? | ||
| Those guys are always around you, and the only thing that psychedelics does is speed down your timing belt a little so you can see them. | ||
| Kind of like where dogs are always barking at invisible things, and sometimes dogs... | ||
| What if dogs see DMT the whole time with you mixed in? | ||
| I don't think dogs bark at invisible things. | ||
| They hear sounds that you can't hear. | ||
| What's DMT mean? | ||
| Dimethyltryptamine. | ||
| Rick Strassman will be on the podcast, folks. | ||
| He'll be on sometime soon. | ||
| We're working out the date, but I'll be talking to him soon. | ||
| He'll be flying in. | ||
| Most likely it'll be October. | ||
| Looking forward to it. | ||
| Rick Strassman, if anyone knows who he is, he's one of the first guys to ever get permission from the DEA to do university studies on dimethyltryptamine, on psychedelic drugs that are Schedule I drugs. | ||
| And he did this series of tests out of the University of New Mexico and wrote a book about it called DMT, the spirit molecule, where they were injecting intravenous DMT into people's bodies where it's the biggest... | ||
| The longest trip. | ||
| If you smoke it, it goes directly into your bloodstream, but your body brings it back to baseline in about 10 to 15 minutes, depending upon the dose. | ||
| But if you inject it, it takes a half hour. | ||
| And apparently, these people all had these intense, intense DMT trips, like what I'm talking about, but that went on for 30 minutes. | ||
| Fuck that, right? | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Get me in there. | ||
| Sign me up. | ||
| So you would do a 30-minute one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I did five of them the other day. | ||
| I did one after the other. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, we kept doing it. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Yeah, you walk out of there, you feel better about life, you feel better about people, you feel sorry for, like, angry, shitty people. | ||
| Instead of being mad back at them, you feel sorry for them. | ||
| And you're not concerned with any side effects. | ||
| No. | ||
| None. | ||
| There's none. | ||
| I think the side effects that I had when I did it those years ago when I was talking to you about it, I think a lot of those side effects were based on where I was in my head at that time. | ||
| That it was so obliterating. | ||
| And it took me a while to sort of come to grips with what I learned from that experience. | ||
| But this experience... | ||
| Which is at least two years since my last one. | ||
| This experience was only positive. | ||
| There was nothing negative about it. | ||
| It was like I was ready for this experience. | ||
| Instead of it knocking me in the dirt, I had learned enough from my last one that I came into it in a good place. | ||
| You're always going to have a certain amount of ridicule from them. | ||
| It'll put a lot of your ideas and your... | ||
| What do you think is important in a perspective? | ||
| So I think that always happens. | ||
| Because I think being a person, stopping at red lights, talking to people, dealing with customer service on the phone, you develop just a certain pattern of behavior that you think is normal for existing in society, and that normalcy you carry around with you like a shield. | ||
| And when you do DMT, they go, give me that! | ||
| They throw it away. | ||
| You're like, you silly. | ||
| Like, look at all this. | ||
| And they're showing you this insane, fractal universe that you exist in. | ||
| And it's only positive to me. | ||
| But that's me. | ||
| I wouldn't advise it. | ||
| You know, like I said, I had that one weird trip that fucked me up for a couple weeks. | ||
| And I'm pretty stable and sane in comparison to a lot of people that I know. | ||
| So if you're not stable or not sane or you're having real problems, I wouldn't recommend you doing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right here. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| That's you? | ||
| I would recommend you doing it, though. | ||
| Oh, fuck no. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I'm very... | ||
| I've had a few bad trips, like we've talked about in the past, and I've still done it, even though knowing those bad trips, but there was also a recent time where I did mushrooms where I remember going, you know what, I think I'm done with this, just I'm not going to learn anything more from this. | ||
| This is now just kind of like me fucking with my brain that hopefully everything works out okay. | ||
| You can definitely learn more. | ||
| Stop lying to yourself. | ||
| I'm not writing it off, but that's what I felt my last trip, though, when I was in my trip. | ||
| I would hate getting stuck in there. | ||
| Eddie Bravo's tattoo artist. | ||
| I forget the gentleman's name, but he's a really good tattoo artist. | ||
| The guy who did the biomech stuff on his arm. | ||
| He did DMT like 100 days in a row. | ||
| And somewhere, you know, somewhere during the trip, the DMT entities were like, hey, hey, hey, no more. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| Like they were telling him, you got to stop doing this. | ||
| But he was creating all this artwork and he was having all these visions. | ||
| He wanted to be in the DMT realm more than he wanted to be in the regular world. | ||
| So he's like pulling back from the regular world. | ||
| He didn't want to interact with people. | ||
| He just couldn't wait to get back to his house to get blasted again. | ||
| So he'd go into hyperspace. | ||
| When you finally get into just the DMT realm, you just become homeless, right? | ||
| That's what those guys are probably on the streets. | ||
| They've done so much drugs, most of them mixed with schizophrenia in their backgrounds maybe. | ||
| But those are just people that have fucked their brains up, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I think a lot of people are just mentally ill. | ||
| I don't think they've done it necessarily to themselves with drugs. | ||
| I think that would be unfair to assume. | ||
| I think a lot of those guys are just people... | ||
| Look, some people get cancer. | ||
| Some people have, you know, serious diseases. | ||
| I have hypothyroidism. | ||
| Some people have... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have that? | |
| Yeah, yeah, I have that. | ||
| It's hereditary. | ||
| My mother has it. | ||
| What's that do to you? | ||
| I take a thyroid medication, so it fixes it, which really fixes it fine. | ||
| It doesn't affect me at all, but it would make me real tired towards the end of the day. | ||
| When I was on Fear Factor, I started getting concerned because I was getting these weird headaches. | ||
| They were weird. | ||
| At the end of the day, I would be so exhausted, and I would get these headaches where my head was just compressed. | ||
| And it felt like the only solution was to sleep. | ||
| Like I would fall asleep like watching TV. And I was like, this is not normal. | ||
| I know what a normal tired feels like. | ||
| This does not feel like a normal tired. | ||
| And they call it Hashimoto's disease. | ||
| And it's just some weird hereditary failure of your thyroid gland. | ||
| That's part of the endocrine system, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just comes from... | ||
| They don't know what it comes from, but a lot of people get it. | ||
| My ex-girlfriend, I remember you helped her because she was having really bad ups and downs and she tried all these different ones and you turned around to this one... | ||
| Yeah, armor thyroid. | ||
| Armor thyroid is made from pig's thyroids and it's very biocompatible to human beings. | ||
| It makes it essentially like you don't have an issue. | ||
| But I had the other stuff, the different thyroid medications weren't so good until I got this stuff. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of people that have it, man. | ||
| It's super common. | ||
| Sometimes it's... | ||
| I would never have guessed that because you have so much fucking energy. | ||
| That was what was weird to them. | ||
| They didn't understand why I was so lean. | ||
| When they brought me and they tested me, they're like, how come has this affected your weight? | ||
| Have you gotten fat? | ||
| And I was like, not at all. | ||
| No, because I would push through it. | ||
| Even though I would be tired, I would force myself to work out. | ||
| And when you're doing jujitsu, it's so intense that you're fighting for your life, essentially, when you're on the mat. | ||
| And so there's no way you can half-ass a workout. | ||
| So I stayed lean, even though I had this issue. | ||
| But it was definitely affecting my endurance. | ||
| Like, I noticed a big difference since I started taking it. | ||
| And now you're back to normal? | ||
| Totally normal, yeah. | ||
| But, you know, people have weird things. | ||
| I mean, you were talking about kidney stones. | ||
| Some people have... | ||
| You know, some people have kidney diseases. | ||
| Some people have failure. | ||
| They're fucking... | ||
| Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarlane have this next-door neighbor they were talking about on their radio show today who's losing his liver. | ||
| His liver's dying. | ||
| He drank too much and he killed his liver. | ||
| And he's waiting for a fucking transplant. | ||
| Shit goes wrong, man. | ||
| The body doesn't always work forever. | ||
| Nobody gets out alive. | ||
| I've been drinking again. | ||
| Oh, Jesus, Dom. | ||
| Now you tell us. | ||
| You want a drink right now? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| It's a test. | ||
| That means you can put it away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You didn't get all shaky in the head. | ||
| I wake up fucking drunk every day. | ||
| Every day? | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Just give yourself a day off. | ||
| I was thinking about that maybe tonight. | ||
| Well, we'll play some pool after this. | ||
| Give yourself a break. | ||
| You don't want to play pool drunk? | ||
| Be upset with yourself. | ||
| Do you enjoy drinking water, or is water hard for you to drink? | ||
| I love drinking water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What kind of question is that? | |
| I hate water. | ||
| Do you enjoy drinking water? | ||
| I mean, I like tang better. | ||
| You hate water? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
| It just doesn't do it for me. | ||
| I'd rather... | ||
| I drink Gatorade, but I... I'm fucking terrible for you. | ||
| I mean, it's not bad for you after you work out, because you need to replenish the sugars. | ||
| The electrolyte. | ||
| And sugars, too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, one of the best things after you work out is actually chocolate milk. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chocolate milk is great, especially after you lift weights, because it has a little bit of protein in it. | ||
| It has milk, milk proteins. | ||
| It also has casein, I think it's called, and sugar, because of the chocolate and the syrup and all that jazz. | ||
| It actually replenishes your glycogen. | ||
| It's really, it's like the best. | ||
| That's me and chocolate milk. | ||
| Well, first of all... | ||
| Look at those pouty lips. | ||
| That is you. | ||
| Sexy as fuck. | ||
| Where's this, Joe? | ||
| That was a long time ago, man. | ||
| That's early 2000s. | ||
| Somewhere around there. | ||
| We've known each other a long time, brother. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| We've known each other since the 90s, my brother. | ||
| Dom and I, we played pool at Amsterdam Billiards in like 1993 or something. | ||
| Well, you had just gotten that show, I think. | ||
| I don't even think I had it yet. | ||
| Oh, you didn't have it yet? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think I'd just done your show. | ||
| I did that Showtime thing with you in Montreal, and then we ran into each other. | ||
| That's where we knew it at Amsterdam, yeah. | ||
| I loved that place. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| The one on the Upper West Side was great. | ||
| The new one's great, too. | ||
| It's on the East Side. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| Where's it at? | ||
| I don't remember the streets, but it's like lower numbers on the east side. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's like New York has a bunch of pool halls, but LA, they're all gone, man. | ||
| They're all gone. | ||
| All the pool halls in LA. I used to enjoy that one, Hollywood Billiards. | ||
| You know what was fun, too? | ||
| The other one, we take the girls out. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| At the Hollywood Athletic Club. | ||
| Hollywood Athletic Club. | ||
| Yeah, that was great. | ||
| That was back in the 90s, Dominic. | ||
| Burbank still has a good one. | ||
| Yeah, they still have, what is it, Fantasia or something like that? | ||
| Yeah, that's a good one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a nice table you got here. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good table. | ||
| That's an old Gold Crown II. That's from the 1970s. | ||
| I'm excited to wreck walls. | ||
| Four-inch pockets, my friend. | ||
| Very small pockets. | ||
| Oh, no, really? | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Oh, they're going to hurt your soul. | ||
| It's going to break. | ||
| Yeah, this guy, Ernesto Dominguez, top pool player. | ||
| He's also a great table mechanic. | ||
| And his son, rather, Oscar Dominguez, a top pro. | ||
| And they cut these table pockets. | ||
| They made this? | ||
| Well, they built the table. | ||
| So they make these table openings like four-inch holes. | ||
| So it's very, very difficult. | ||
| What's a normal one? | ||
| Five. | ||
| That's a big difference. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Suffer! | ||
| My back's going to be killing me from racking. | ||
| See, that's something I would do. | ||
| If I couldn't do stand-up anymore, I would try playing pool professionally. | ||
| I'd try going on a tour. | ||
| If there was a tour, the tour's kind of dead now. | ||
| It's amazing, because it's such a great sport. | ||
| It needs a television show. | ||
| Pool needs, like, Larry the Cable Guy to travel the country. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| It needs something. | ||
| I thought about doing it for a while. | ||
| I thought about doing a show where I go from town to town and play the best guy in the house or something like that. | ||
| But people would get bored. | ||
| I told you this before, you've got too much going in your life to become a pro, to put into practice it would take to be a pro. | ||
| I know, but I get obsessed. | ||
| Get obsessed with things down my road. | ||
| You don't get obsessed with anything? | ||
| If you get the old fucking moves back, you wouldn't try a little bit of pro ball? | ||
| Come on, a little bit of dribble in between the lanes. | ||
| People don't know, you're a good basketball player. | ||
| I was. | ||
| I could shoot. | ||
| You could beat somebody at horse, you think? | ||
| Fuck people up at horse? | ||
| I had these two kids. | ||
| I was in Ohio. | ||
| And I guess they heard I could play basketball. | ||
| They said, were you a good basketball player? | ||
| I said, well, for a comedian. | ||
| They go, could you jump? | ||
| I go, I could grab the rim. | ||
| At my height, that's a good jump. | ||
| They go, were you fast? | ||
| I go, I was really fast. | ||
| I go, you? | ||
| You? | ||
| I go, not what you see now, you fucking idiot. | ||
| Not this fucking bloated old Chinese man, whatever the fuck I am. | ||
| You know, like fucking 145 pounds of monkey muscle. | ||
| When you see your face go Chinese, do you have the urge to just walk around? | ||
| Do you have the urge to fight it? | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| Is that a disease? | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck happened to my head. | ||
| I think a lot of it is water retention, alcohol. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your body fat rises. | ||
| Your whole face gets Chinese-like. | ||
| Very moon pie-ish. | ||
| I want you to be honest with me. | ||
| If I lost too much weight, do I look guant to you? | ||
| No, you look beautiful. | ||
| I love you no matter what you look like. | ||
| I wish you were a hot chick. | ||
| This drinking thing, is this something you want to do something about, or are you just going to... | ||
| Yeah, I got it. | ||
| I got it. | ||
| You got it? | ||
| Before, you've done it like cold turkey, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| My doctor said, just take a half of Xanax and you can... | ||
| I said, will I get convulsions and shit if I stop drinking cold turkey? | ||
| He says, no. | ||
| I guess because my body withdrew from it all day today. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's not like I'm drinking. | ||
| I get up and have a drink and then you ask me if I want a drink. | ||
| I go, yeah, I can go for one. | ||
| It's not like that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's just you're convenient? | ||
| Like it's a pattern that you fall into when you go out at night? | ||
| I love being high. | ||
| I'll sit there at night and I'll go, I'm going to have like two shots. | ||
| And then I go, alright, six shots. | ||
| Six shots! | ||
| Every night? | ||
| What's your main drink? | ||
| Your go-to drink? | ||
| Whatever I can reach. | ||
| I like Jameson. | ||
| I like dirty martinis. | ||
| Oh, so you just drink straight with no mixers? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe start doing large drinks, and then it's like, you know, like I do ginger ale and turkey. | ||
| No, he wants to get drunk. | ||
| See, I want to get drunk. | ||
| I don't want to get drunk. | ||
| He's not trying to like sit there sipping. | ||
| I don't want to enjoy like that. | ||
| Fruitcake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fruitcake. | |
| Hey, jackass, open up your ears. | ||
| Yeah, put this umbrella in your drink. | ||
| It makes it more difficult to find the liquid. | ||
| It's on the top. | ||
| You got to move it around. | ||
| It makes your drinks lower. | ||
| I fucking hate, like, pina coladas and shit like that. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you like that? | ||
| Do you like getting caught in the rain? | ||
| Do you like the smell of the ocean or the taste of champagne? | ||
| I like Jimmy Buffett. | ||
| Do you like making love at midnight? | ||
| I don't think that was Jimmy Buffett. | ||
| If you like pina coladas. | ||
| Who was that? | ||
| I thought it was Jimmy Buffett. | ||
| No, I don't believe so. | ||
| Look it up, motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like it's someone else. | ||
| You sexy motherfucker. | ||
| Shaking that ass. | ||
| Shaking that ass. | ||
| Yeah, I feel like it's someone else. | ||
| Yep, Jimmy Buffet. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Don't you bring your primitive skills to me about music, Mr. Rogan? | ||
| No, it's Rupert Holmes. | ||
| What? | ||
| You fucking knucklehead. | ||
| This is Jimmy Buffet. | ||
| Rupert Holmes, recorded by American singer Rupert Holmes. | ||
| I think it was made famous by Jimmy Buffet. | ||
| It's on the Midnight Special, Burt Sugarman. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's happy hour, guys. | |
| Can I get you something to drink? | ||
| This is Rupert Holmes. | ||
| You're both right. | ||
| No, this is the famous one. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| It's Rupert Holmes. | ||
| So don't trust Brian Redband to Google anything for you. | ||
| Don't bet your life on it. | ||
| If I play Jimmy Buffet's song, it's probably going to sound exactly the same, but that's probably the one that you know. | ||
| Play the Jimmy Buffet. | ||
| I want to hear it. | ||
| Okay, play the Jimmy Buffet. | ||
| Well, this guy is, this is the guy who made the, he had the hit. | ||
| The guy who had the hit that was on the radio is Rupert Holmes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm definitely right. | ||
| I know how to Google. | ||
| You Google with your dick or something. | ||
| I don't even think you pay attention to what you write in there. | ||
| I honestly thought that that was a Jimmy Buffet song. | ||
| Jimmy Buffet is the fucking Margaritaville guy. | ||
| Yeah, maybe that's why. | ||
| He's not a pina colada guy. | ||
| How did we go from talking about the universe to this? | ||
| Brian Redman. | ||
| Fucking, he's the crowbar in any intellectual discussion. | ||
| Clang, clang. | ||
| Your gears get ground up and then the fucking elves give you the finger. | ||
| See, but look at things like this. | ||
| If you like Pina Claw, Jimmy Buffet. | ||
| That's an idiot that doesn't know that it's not Jimmy Buffet. | ||
| That's just some moron on YouTube. | ||
| Unless Jimmy Buffet actually sang a version of it. | ||
| See if you can find a Jimmy Buffet version of it. | ||
| But Jimmy Buffet was... | ||
| Margaritaville. | ||
| He has a whole fucking station on XM. You can listen to Jimmy Buffett all the time. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think I want that. | ||
| If you're in Florida, you would. | ||
| If you're in Florida and you're popping Xanax and drinking booze and just fucking sitting on the beach with your flip flops. | ||
| I don't do them together, Joe. | ||
| You used to, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never? | ||
| No. | ||
| But you'd take a Xanax in the morning and by the time it wears off, then you're drinking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's how it works. | ||
| Is there a version of it? | ||
| Well, there's one, that one I was showing, but no, you're right. | ||
| It's mostly all just Rupert Holmes, and Jimmy just showed me something like the five songs that people think are from the wrong artists. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because it seems like it would be kind of a Jimmy Buffett song, but I knew it wasn't him. | ||
| And it's because of Margaritaville. | ||
| I think you totally nailed it right there. | ||
| I think that's why. | ||
| I just immediately thought... | ||
| It's one of those old-ass songs that you don't understand, like... | ||
| The things you do for love? | ||
| Who the fuck sang that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like walking in the rain and the snow And there's nowhere to go And you're feeling like a part of you is dying Who the fuck? | |
| We're looking for the answer in our eyes I had a copy of that when I was a little kid. | ||
| I was a little kid, like maybe six or seven, and we had a 45 of that song, Things You Do For Love. | ||
| It was like the first song I ever owned. | ||
| I don't know who sang that. | ||
| Who sang that? | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| See if Brian will pull it up. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Jimi Hendrix! | ||
| Led Zeppelin! | ||
| The who? | ||
| It's a British band called... | ||
| 10CC. 10CC. I've heard of him. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You know, a friend of mine was on a cruise ship and Robert Plant was on it. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Somebody called him Led. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| His first name was Lid. | ||
| What a disaster. | ||
| Why would Robert Plant go on a fucking... | ||
| Why would he ever do that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like get trapped on a boat? | ||
| Oh, I fucking... | ||
| Have you ever done it? | ||
| No! | ||
| I did two of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| No! | ||
| I've been on fishing boats. | ||
| I don't like boats. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I like fishing boats. | ||
| I like yachts. | ||
| If I lived near a lake, I would be in heaven. | ||
| If I lived in a lake and I could just pull a nice bass boat out there and go fishing, I would love fishing. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| It's so primal, too. | ||
| Something about catching your dinner. | ||
| You throw that sucker on ice, fillet it, get home, cook it, eat it. | ||
| Very satisfying. | ||
| Something caveman-style satisfying. | ||
| It just feels great. | ||
| Have a couple of beers when you're out there. | ||
| Cast a line. | ||
| Enjoy the day. | ||
| I'd rather just go to the seafood restaurant. | ||
| Oh, dumb. | ||
| You say that. | ||
| Joseph. | ||
| Did you ever catch a big fish? | ||
| It's fucking fun. | ||
| No, I never fished. | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| Do I look like a fish? | ||
| I gotta put up some YouTube videos, me and Ari, when we were in Alaska last summer. | ||
| We had a great time. | ||
| Sounds romantic. | ||
| Well, that was that part, too. | ||
| But we caught the salmon run. | ||
| Right when the king salmon were running strong, and we caught like seven, eight fish a day, and they were giant. | ||
| Like big 30, 40 pound salmon. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| I got some videos. | ||
| I need to put them up on YouTube. | ||
| I've had them for a while, but we had a fucking blast. | ||
| Because we had a gig up there. | ||
| We scheduled a gig for one day, but we went fishing for two days before the gig. | ||
| It was so much fun. | ||
| Yeah, that's cool. | ||
| Joe, did you see the video of the grouper eating a shark? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Put that shit up. | ||
| It's probably going to get us pulled from YouTube. | ||
| Groupers are gigantic, right? | ||
| Some of them. | ||
| This is the part of the show where we say, this will get us pulled from YouTube. | ||
| If you're tired of shit getting pulled from YouTube, folks, go to Vimeo. | ||
| Vimeo doesn't pull things like YouTube does. | ||
| Right. | ||
| For whatever reason. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| But this grouper is... | ||
| Groupers, if you don't know, they get to be like hundreds of pounds. | ||
| They're fucking huge. | ||
| So this guy has caught this shark, and the grouper just ganks his fucking shark. | ||
| He's pulling the shark in, and it's enormous... | ||
| I mean, they're like 400, 500 pounds sometimes, these Goliath groupers. | ||
| And it comes up and it snatches his fucking shark. | ||
| Look, he's got the shark floating around on the top and the fish can't help himself. | ||
| He's like, fuck it. | ||
| Here he goes. | ||
| Look at this thing. | ||
| Look at the size of this fucking thing. | ||
| One bite. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| One bite inhales the entire shark. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Fucking unreal. | ||
| That's how big a goliath grouper is. | ||
| And if you catch one of those bitches, you're going to be pulling that thing in for hours. | ||
| You're going to be hanging on... | ||
| I don't even like going to a seafood restaurant and they tell you to cook your own fish. | ||
| Do they do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In Hawaii, I've seen it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They tell you to cook your own fish. | |
| What can I come here for? | ||
| I gotta clean my plate, too. | ||
| Don't you like you go on a date? | ||
| It's like we're doing activities. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're cooking together. | |
| Go turn it over for me. | ||
| I like dipping fondue. | ||
| I take the bread, I dip it in the cheese. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| That's good too, Joe. | ||
| People like that Korean barbecue. | ||
| You have the hot thing in front of you and you slap down. | ||
| There's a place in the mall out here that they do that. | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| It's annoying. | ||
| You don't like it? | ||
| No, it's stupid. | ||
| The only bad thing is you smell so bad when you leave. | ||
| If I was going to cook myself, I wouldn't cook like that. | ||
| I like cooking over charcoal. | ||
| Lump charcoal. | ||
| Can you get that smoky flavor? | ||
| It's more about all you can eat though. | ||
| Oh, is it all you can eat? | ||
| I don't think this place is not all you can eat. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You choose which meat group you want. | ||
| They have like an $18 per person, $24, $30. | ||
| And if you get the $31, you get a different menu. | ||
| You could just order as much as you want. | ||
| I don't like all-you-can-eat things. | ||
| Psychologically, it seems to lower the quality. | ||
| Really? | ||
| All-you-can-eat sushi? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah, but Brazilian steakhouses? | ||
| Oh, that's fantastic. | ||
| Those Chujas Carias, where you have that card. | ||
| The card with them? | ||
| Yeah, like it's green on one side, red on the other. | ||
| When it's red, you want to take a break. | ||
| When it's green, they just keep coming with new food. | ||
| Yeah, they have a place like that in Philly. | ||
| After Eddie Bravo fought in Metamorris, or had his grappling match in Metamorris, we went to Fogo de Chão near the Beverly Center. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the one. | |
| Brian and I have eaten it about... | ||
| Most of them. | ||
| Most of them across the country. | ||
| There's a new one in San Diego I need to try. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I noticed when I was down at the American Comedy Company. | ||
| When we would show up at a town and we found a Fogo, we'd go, oh! | ||
| We'd get all excited. | ||
| We'd go there. | ||
| Yeah, it's delicious. | ||
| Joey Diaz would look at you like you're an asshole if you go anywhere near that salad bar. | ||
| Why are you fucking with that salad bar, dog? | ||
| Listen, sit down here. | ||
| You're in no danger. | ||
| You're in no danger. | ||
| Bring it over. | ||
| Bring it over. | ||
| What do we got? | ||
| He'd start talking in Spanish to the fucking guys with the skewers. | ||
| They speak Portuguese. | ||
| He's talking to them in Spanish, trying to find some middle ground. | ||
| I recently went, and they hide that picanha now. | ||
| That guy's hard to find. | ||
| You ask two different people, and you get so much chicken sausage and bacon stuff, and you're like, just give me the picanha. | ||
| I think it's a matter of how many people are there. | ||
| Some things are more popular, but last time we were there, they kept coming with it. | ||
| They had the picanha and the garlic beef. | ||
| Picanha is like top sirloin. | ||
| What they do is they have like an open fire. | ||
| It's like a wood fire. | ||
| It's like real. | ||
| And they have these skewers that they lean over the fire and the skewers spin around. | ||
| And when they deem that it's ready, then they bring it over to your table, slice pieces off the outside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I've seen that. | |
| And then they put it right back on the fire. | ||
| Resalt it. | ||
| Yeah, they re-salt it and have a basting thing that they do. | ||
| And so there's this big piece of meat and they put it over this fire and they just slowly cook the outside. | ||
| And then they put it back in, slowly cook the outside. | ||
| Now I'm getting hungry. | ||
| Oh, there's a place near here. | ||
| You want to eat after this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| By the way, Joe, our Green Mountain Grill, they have a new app now. | ||
| You can use the app to tell when your food's done. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They sent me the info. | ||
| I've got to hook it up, though. | ||
| You've got to get a guy to come to your house, though, and plug it in. | ||
| Yeah, it's not easy to do. | ||
| But that Green Mountain Grill is awesome. | ||
| That's a pellet grill, if you don't know what that is. | ||
| It's a smoker. | ||
| It smokes your food like an oven that's the hot smoke of this burning firewood or this burning hardwood. | ||
| They take hardwood, and when you, like, say if you bought a table, like this table is made out of oak. | ||
| Well, someone who cut this wood, you leave a lot of sawdust, and they buy the hardwood sawdust, and they compress it into these pellets, which with the natural sugars of the wood, there's no additives, it's just the wood itself. | ||
| And then you pour these pellets. | ||
| It looks like, almost like You ever seen that pine kitty litter? | ||
| Do you use that stuff? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the best stuff. | ||
| It cuts the smell back the most. | ||
| But you take these pellets and you pour it into this hopper. | ||
| It's like this box. | ||
| Close the lid on it and then you set the temperature. | ||
| And it automatically keeps the fire going. | ||
| It's got this... | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| An element that heats it up and it spins it in this gear. | ||
| And the pellets automatically get introduced and the fire has the exact right amount of temperature. | ||
| And you can keep it at like, you know, like for 250 or 350. It's like a crock pot for grills. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's so easy. | ||
| I used to have another kind of smoker. | ||
| I used to have to add wood to it all the time. | ||
| It was a nightmare. | ||
| This thing does it all itself. | ||
| All those guys, have you ever watched those barbecue competitions? | ||
| You ever watch those things on the Food Channel? | ||
| A lot of those guys, they use those pellet grills now. | ||
| The pellet grills are a big deal. | ||
| Yeah, you put the meat on, you know, earlier in the afternoon, you come back and it's just falling off the bone. | ||
| No, it's pretty badass. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| I'm a big, big fan. | ||
| I love cooking, man. | ||
| Cooking is fun. | ||
| It's especially fun when you're cooking something that you killed yourself. | ||
| When you cut it up yourself and you slap that bitch on the grill. | ||
| It's very exciting. | ||
| That would have killed anything. | ||
| Would you be willing? | ||
| I'm thinking about doing a hunting show. | ||
| This is the idea of the hunting show. | ||
| The idea of the hunting show is I go out with people that have never been hunting before. | ||
| Whether it's comedians like Hannibal Buress, he said he would go. | ||
| A lot of guys... | ||
| Or interested in going? | ||
| I would go to the five-star hotel closest to where he goes to go hunt. | ||
| And you wouldn't hunt? | ||
| No. | ||
| What if we took you out in a pickup truck and you could just roll down the window and fire it out the window? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Would you do that for real? | ||
| Yeah, that's my style. | ||
| You can do that in some places. | ||
| In Texas, there's a ranch that Aubrey hunted at where you literally shoot your rifle from the front seat of the truck. | ||
| Oh, I love that. | ||
| The fucking truck has no windshield. | ||
| So you drive around on this truck. | ||
| You know, I don't know if it's like a Jeep or if it's an actual pickup truck. | ||
| They knock the windshield out. | ||
| But you drive around this truck, and then they get close to these herds of animals, and then they fucking set your rifle up right there through the window. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| You shoot it. | ||
| Then you get out of the truck. | ||
| You get it. | ||
| You take a photo with it. | ||
| Oh, I gotta get out of the truck? | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'll bring it to you. | ||
| I'm still in. | ||
| I'll bring it to you. | ||
| And you can wave. | ||
| Instead of taking a picture with the animal you kill, you just wave from the window. | ||
| This is Dom. | ||
| This is Dom's deer. | ||
| And then they take care of everything else. | ||
| It's like the laziest way to hunt ever. | ||
| I would like that. | ||
| Me and Sophie were in Hawaii, and she was snorkeling, and she was only here so fucking lazy to find a way to snorkel without even going underwater. | ||
| I got one of those rafts that you see through. | ||
| I just put my head on that. | ||
| You just snorkeled with a raft? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Ah! | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I snorkeled for the first time last time I was in Hawaii. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| It's really fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Swimming around a reef. | ||
| We were around a reef. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beautiful. | |
| You've seen all these fish moving around their little world. | ||
| I stepped on a sea anemone, though. | ||
| This fucker went right in my foot. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they had to pour vinegar all over my foot. | ||
| You're supposed to do it if you're going to go near a reef. | ||
| Reefs are really sharp. | ||
| You're supposed to do it with those scuba shoes. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Because I was just barefoot. | ||
| But you stepped down the wrong spot and these sea anemone, like black spines, went deep into my foot. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Yeah, it fucked me up. | ||
| I never go in the ocean without shoes on. | ||
| I just don't want to step on anything gross. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| Condoms? | ||
| I stepped on dead jellyfish once and it was just disgusting. | ||
| There's a lot of gross stuff in the ocean. | ||
| Jellyfish can fuck you up. | ||
| Especially Australia. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If you go to Australia, there's... | ||
| Certain species of jellyfish that kill people every year. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was just there a couple months ago, and in Perth, they have the helicopters going over, you know, to spot the sharks. | ||
| They have that in Adelaide, too. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because they have... | ||
| Well, they see them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They warn people. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Big white, great white sharks. | ||
| Yeah, that's a scary spot. | ||
| Apparently, the most scary spot for sharks is South Africa. | ||
| Australia's pretty bad. | ||
| Is it bad? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's also a place where a lot of people surf too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you ever surf? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I've surfed. | ||
| You surfed, but what was it like? | ||
| Well, I was a pretty good athlete then. | ||
| I got up a couple times. | ||
| I did it a few times. | ||
| The thing about it, you have to be a strong swimmer to really get out there to enjoy it. | ||
| You can't just go 20 feet and expect to ride something in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you've got to climb on it at just the right time, too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's probably difficult. | ||
| Yeah, it's very difficult. | ||
| There's a place in Abu Dhabi. | ||
| I think it's Abu Dhabi or Dubai. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| They created an indoor surfing pool. | ||
| Yeah, that's pretty wild. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| So, most ridiculous thing ever. | ||
| Like, isn't the whole idea is that you're out there in the ocean with nature? | ||
|
unidentified
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And these guys are like, we're in a pool in a mall. | |
| Sometimes you gotta settle. | ||
| Neil Brennan did comedy there. | ||
| Was it Neil that used to say? | ||
| Eddie F. Eddie F does comedy? | ||
| He tries. | ||
| I'm kidding. | ||
| No, he does. | ||
|
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That's right. | |
| Eddie F. just had a Kickstarter. | ||
| He created his own mobile podcast van. | ||
| Like a van to go drive around and do podcasts. | ||
| We talked about doing that on the podcast. | ||
| Like getting one of those streamers. | ||
| What are those called? | ||
| Streamlines. | ||
| Streamlines. | ||
| Those beautiful silver ones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those silver things. | ||
| Is that called streamline? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why do I feel like it's called something else? | ||
| Streamline trailer. | ||
| It's the silver one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that thing. | ||
| The cool-looking retro-looking one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Golfstream. | ||
| Jimmy Buffett had one. | ||
| I was actually thinking about recently just selling it because I have my second car and selling it and try to get one of those and move Death Squad into that. | ||
| It's not a bad idea, dude. | ||
| I thought about doing it, too, and, like, that we could do them, like, on the road. | ||
| You could do it, like, you show up an hour early for a gig, do a gig, you know, do it in the parking lot. | ||
| Am I still on the desk squad? | ||
| There was no initiation fees. | ||
| You got your tattoo on your back still? | ||
| The lower back. | ||
| The lower back two dolphins kissing. | ||
| Where would you like to come? | ||
| Put it there. | ||
| Yeah, this one. | ||
| There's a company that makes a high-end version of these things where the inside of it is like Airstream. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| I know you fucked it up. | ||
| Streamline. | ||
| What did I say? | ||
| Streamline? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| But there is a streamline. | ||
| See, this is a streamline trailer. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Some of them are streamlines. | ||
| They just ripped off the Airstream name. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Look at that sexy thing. | ||
| How much are these? | ||
| They're fucking expensive. | ||
| They're not cheap. | ||
| Because they're really made well. | ||
| There's a place up in Big Sur. | ||
| Where you rent them. | ||
| They have them set up on this property, and that's how you camp. | ||
| They have a little grill out there. | ||
| Duncan was up there for like a week. | ||
| He loved it. | ||
| He said Big Sur is his favorite place on the planet. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's one in Joshua Tree where a lot of LA comics, they rent out a trailer. | ||
| I went to it also where they had this big circle of trailers, and each one's decorated like a different, like the 70s, the retro one, the Star Trek one. | ||
| Do you have any interest in going to Burning Man? | ||
| No. | ||
| Next year, we should podcast from Burning Man. | ||
| If we're in a trailer, yes. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Dude, we're going to be in a trailer. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| I mean, I will go there if there's a trailer. | ||
| What is Burning Man? | ||
| It's a ridiculous festival out in the middle of the desert where everyone gets together and they all dance around and do drugs. | ||
| They don't shower. | ||
| It's an excuse to be stinky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like... | |
| It's like a psychedelic sort of a festival. | ||
| And these people, they all get together. | ||
| Look at this one, Brian. | ||
| They have one that's like a truck. | ||
| They have like a coach, and you can drive it around. | ||
| They call them interstate EXTs. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you could drive it. | ||
| So you could have your kitty cat on the side of it, and get someone to paint it, or get one of those... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get a wrap. | |
| A wrap, yeah. | ||
| And you take one of these things around. | ||
| If you really developed a plan, and set forth a real legitimate plan to get one of these things, you could do it in a couple of years. | ||
| Here's Will Smith at Burning Man this year on Segways. | ||
| Will Smith was there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| For real? | ||
| Or is it a Will Smith mask? | ||
| No. | ||
| Which one's Will Smith? | ||
| This one right here. | ||
| Are they dancing together? | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| They're filming something? | ||
| Yeah, they're getting jiggy with it. | ||
| Are they getting jiggy with it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dennis McKenna, he, or not Dennis McKenna, Graham Hancock, rather, he goes there every year. | ||
| I think he just got back from it. | ||
| It just happened, right? | ||
| Yeah, it was last week, and actually the first day or two was canceled because of rain. | ||
| They had rain, and it closed-flooded all the roads going into it. | ||
| They even have these really small ones. | ||
| Look, they just attach to the back of your trailer, and then you can just leave it at home if you want to. | ||
| Yeah, there's some good ones. | ||
| Rain? | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| Arizona? | ||
| Where does Burning Man take place? | ||
| I want to think it was California. | ||
| Why did I think it was California? | ||
| Death Valley. | ||
| Yeah, that's California. | ||
| Any desire to go to Burning Man, Dom? | ||
| No desire at all, Jim. | ||
| What if we were doing a podcast down there next year? | ||
| Would you want to stay for one day? | ||
| We'll limo you in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You come out, you do the podcast, we'll limo you out. | ||
| You're in? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dom Arara's in. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Heard it here first. | ||
| Limo him in to the podcast. | ||
| We hang out, we drink, we eat. | ||
| Well, we've been talking about taking this bitch mobile. | ||
| Doing some podcasts in New York. | ||
| Doing some podcasts in other places where I can't get certain guests to come here, so I want to go to them. | ||
| I like it here. | ||
| You like it here? | ||
| It's a good spot. | ||
| Yeah, very good. | ||
| What's it do with the werewolf? | ||
| It's right out there. | ||
| It's right out by the pool table. | ||
| How the fuck do I miss that? | ||
| You're not paying attention. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| Black Rock Desert is where Burning Man is. | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| Arizona? | ||
| Nevada? | ||
| Nevada. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Didn't they try to enforce laws there this year? | ||
| They're saying, like, if they catch people with drugs, they're going to arrest them and some shit? | ||
| Check your car for weapons? | ||
| Leave people alone with fucking drugs. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
|
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|
Hey, they're going to make money somehow down our area. | |
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| You've got to keep all those people in uniform. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| What do people even care? | ||
| Old people, conservatives, people who want tax dollars. | ||
| Why is it their business? | ||
| It's not their business. | ||
| That's the point. | ||
| That's what makes young people so angry. | ||
| It's almost like they know that their control they have is fleeting, and they know that there's kind of a new age in the air. | ||
| Like, what was going on in the 60s is going on now, but to a much larger extent, and to a much more broad extent. | ||
| The understanding of how corrupt our system is, the understanding of how flawed it all is, pieced together, even by the people that are in it, they're involved in it. | ||
| They're all admitting that the whole thing is a disaster, whether it's the financial system, the political system. | ||
| And then on top of that, marijuana is becoming legal. | ||
| Whether people like it or not, it's spreading. | ||
| Colorado is making so much fucking tax money off of it. | ||
| Isn't that great? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's also happening in Washington State. | ||
| Unprecedented numbers. | ||
| Well, the two Super Bowl teams were both from states that was legal. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| High as fuck. | ||
| Come up with good ideas. | ||
| Excellent strategies. | ||
| Joe, I don't even, you know, I smoked pot four times in my life. | ||
| Want to go for number five? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No? | ||
| Just one hit. | ||
| Just a little bit? | ||
| One hit? | ||
| One hit. | ||
| That's the way it always starts. | ||
| Then I'll be a heroin addict in a week. | ||
| It'll make you feel good. | ||
| It's not a gateway drug. | ||
| It's a gateway drug, Joe. | ||
| That's the Partnership for a Drug-Free America trying to trick you. | ||
| I'm totally convinced that it's not a gateway drug, by the way. | ||
| I don't know anybody that went from pot to heroin. | ||
| Well, you could, but you could also go from toothpaste to heroin. | ||
| It doesn't mean that it's a gateway. | ||
| Everybody drinks water who does heroin, by the way. | ||
| I think heroin should be legal, by the way. | ||
| I do, too. | ||
| I think everything should be legal, but I think there should be consequences to selling people things that are bad for them. | ||
| So I think that if heroin is legal, but if you're selling heroin, I think there should be massive consequences. | ||
| I think if people die of overdoses, I think you should be held responsible. | ||
| Just like you should be held responsible, say, if you come up with... | ||
| You come up with some new medication. | ||
| If you're a pharmaceutical company and you come up with a new medication, it deals with migraines. | ||
| But it also winds up killing a certain percentage of people. | ||
| You should be held financially responsible. | ||
| You should be able to be sued. | ||
| He's got a joint for you. | ||
| What are you, the devil? | ||
| He's the devil. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| That's what the devil looks like. | ||
| Everybody thinks the devil looks mean. | ||
| He looks cuddly. | ||
| He looks like Red Band. | ||
| The devil looks like a big sweetie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go ahead. | |
| I don't want it. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| He doesn't. | ||
| Stop being a pusher. | ||
| What were we talking about before the devil? | ||
| Just the legality of drugs and how ridiculous. | ||
| And you're saying that people who sell drugs to people should be held responsible. | ||
| Yeah, being responsible for the repercussions of what happens to people when they use it. | ||
| If people die of heroin overdoses, if that's possible from something that you sell, you should be held financially responsible. | ||
| Up to a point. | ||
| Because, you know, you could die from salt. | ||
| Yeah, you could die. | ||
| If you give a guy bacon every day for breakfast, That's gonna be dangerous for us all. | ||
| If you eat... | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Bacon, believe it or not, is not bad for you. | ||
| Bacon? | ||
| Yep, not bad for you. | ||
| It's the most delicious thing I've ever had in my life. | ||
| It's not bad for you. | ||
| You know what's bad for you? | ||
| Being fat enough that bacon is bad for you. | ||
| That's what's bad for you. | ||
| You don't have to say it like that. | ||
| I'm not saying that you're fat. | ||
| You said it like you projected me. | ||
| It wasn't to you. | ||
| I'm looking at you because you like the audience of my delivery, but I didn't mean you. | ||
| I meant Ralphie Mae. | ||
| I meant someone larger. | ||
| That's not me. | ||
| I love Ralphie, by the way. | ||
| This is just jokes. | ||
| You're talking about me. | ||
| I'm right here. | ||
| Yeah, he's right there. | ||
| But when you're so fat that bacon's doing you in, well, some people have naturally high cholesterol, too. | ||
| That's another thing to take into consideration. | ||
| There's some people that genetically have high cholesterol, and they have to watch it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| And you also have to balance out your good cholesterol and your bad cholesterol. | ||
| A lot of people think that cholesterol's all bad. | ||
| You know, there's LDL and HDL. There's good cholesterol, and then there's cholesterol that is not good for you. | ||
| Mine is good. | ||
| But if you have, like, low cholesterol, like, there's certain cholesterol that's actually good for brain function. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think. | ||
| What kind of cholesterol is that? | ||
| I've just heard that though. | ||
| Cholesterol. | ||
| The hipster cholesterol. | ||
| Good. | ||
| I'm going to write cholesterol. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| Good versus bad cholesterol from the American Heart Association. | ||
| Okay, so this is not bullshit at all. | ||
| HDL and LDL triglycerides. | ||
| What's the difference? | ||
| And LDL cholesterol is considered the bad cholesterol because it contributes to plaque and Which is a thick, hard deposit that can clog arteries and make them less flexible. | ||
| So arterial sclerosis is what comes from the bad cholesterol, and those narrowed arteries will give people heart attacks. | ||
| HDL cholesterol is considered good cholesterol because it helps remove LDL cholesterol from the arteries, which is interesting. | ||
| Crestor does that. | ||
| Is that a pill? | ||
| Yeah, and Lipitor too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that the same kind of stuff? | ||
| Experts believe that HDL acts as a scavenger carrying LDL cholesterol away from the arteries and back to the liver where it is broken down and passed from the body. | ||
| One-fourth to one-third of blood cholesterol is carried by HDL. | ||
| A healthy level of HDL cholesterol may also protect against heart attack and stroke, while low levels of HDL cholesterol have been shown to increase the risk of heart attacks. | ||
| Dr. Mark Gordon explained this to me when I had my blood work done. | ||
| And what he was telling me is that there's a lot of issues where people think they have high cholesterol. | ||
| And then they say, oh, my cholesterol count is this. | ||
| And you say, okay, what does that mean? | ||
| Is it your HDL or your LDL? And then most people don't even know. | ||
| They used to not know. | ||
| And if... | ||
| You're dealing with a physician that doesn't understand the difference between the two if they're not an expert in it. | ||
| They can give you bad advice and get you on medication that you don't even need. | ||
| You have high HDL. You have high healthy cholesterol. | ||
| You really want to balance, allegedly. | ||
| Coming from me, I'm no doctor to steal one of your bits. | ||
| I'm not a doctor. | ||
| You're not. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| So my point is, Bacon, not bad. | ||
| Not bad for you. | ||
| Diddy went to Burning Man this year and supposedly changed his life forever. | ||
| Look at his picture of him at Burning Man and then look at this. | ||
| He was at Burning Man with his own little umbrella? | ||
| He didn't even have a guy holding it for him? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| P. Diddy. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And supposedly it changed his life. | ||
| Words cannot explain. | ||
| I'll never be the same. | ||
| Same. | ||
| Bacon is loaded with fats, but they're good fats. | ||
| The fats in bacon are about 50% monosaturated and a large part of those is aleric acid. | ||
| This is the same fatty acid that olive oil is praised for and is generally considered heart healthy. | ||
| 40% of it is saturated fat accompanied by a decent amount of cholesterol. | ||
| But we now know that the saturated fat isn't harmful and cholesterol in the diet doesn't affect cholesterol in the blood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's the greatest news I had all day. | ||
| Bacon. | ||
| Bacon and jogging. | ||
| Let's go get some bacon sandwiches. | ||
| Put the two of them together. | ||
| So you're going to the gym though, right? | ||
| You work out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where do you work out? | ||
| No, don't tell people. | ||
| They'll fucking stalk you. | ||
| They'll stalk you and steal your underwear. | ||
| Break into your locker and shit in it. | ||
| You know, this place, Joe. | ||
| Oh, that place. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| So you get a good workout there? | ||
| Yeah, I got a... | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| I got a... | ||
| A torn rotator cuff, partially torn. | ||
| So it's been tough to lift the weights and you get flabby right away at this age. | ||
| I was in Perth and I opened up an elevator that was closed during a fire alarm. | ||
| I pulled this thing. | ||
| Unbelievable timing. | ||
| I'm in Chicago, fucking totally in pain. | ||
| A guy comes up to me after and goes, you know, I'm an orthopedic surgeon. | ||
| I got 20 doctors here. | ||
| A couple of us were talking about you. | ||
| You have a partially torn rotator cuff. | ||
| I said, wow, you can tell by looking at me? | ||
| He goes, absolutely. | ||
| He said, you can see the way I was raising my hand. | ||
| He says, come in tomorrow, pro bono, I'll take care of you. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I says, you know, I got insurance. | ||
| He says, no, no, you made me laugh for 25 years. | ||
| I'll take care of you. | ||
| I think it's going to be me, him, and a needle. | ||
| It's like a whole group of doctors. | ||
| And he's trying to be funny. | ||
| He goes, is that the hand you come with? | ||
| He said, is that the hand you jerk off with? | ||
| I said, well, I jerk with that hand, but I'm off with this hand. | ||
| Anyway, so I'm up there, and he gives me a needle in the shoulder. | ||
| I said, well, why am I up here? | ||
| My hip hurts, too. | ||
| He goes, I'll look at that. | ||
| He x-rayed that. | ||
| Give me another fucking shot. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| So, the partially turned rotator cuff, does it need surgery? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| It's 85%. | ||
| I mean, it's only 15% tour. | ||
| So, it just needs exercise. | ||
| So, you have to stabilize it? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| You have to always be moving it. | ||
| Does it fuck with you right now? | ||
| Like, if you're moving around? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, sometimes, like this. | ||
| Like, moving it like that. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Like, you know, that goes. | ||
| This, I can't do. | ||
| I've never had, like, real shoulder problems, but I had some recently where I shot too many arrows. | ||
| I got overzealous with my bow and arrow. | ||
| I have a 90-pound bow and an 80-pound bow, and I shot the 90-pound bow, like, 150 times a day. | ||
| It was just way too much. | ||
| My shoulder just got worn out, and it was hurting for like a couple of months. | ||
| But thankfully, it wasn't torn. | ||
| It was just like tendonitis, like a very mild form of irritated tendons. | ||
| But now it's 100%. | ||
| It took like five weeks, five or six weeks. | ||
| I never had anything like that. | ||
| Luckily, it was my right hands, because I'm left-handed, so... | ||
| Yeah, it's not good. | ||
| Shoulders are a weird joint because shoulders move. | ||
| They're articulated in very strange ways as opposed to like knees which just bend like a hinge. | ||
| When a shoulder goes bad, it's bad for fighters. | ||
| It's a real issue for fighters. | ||
| Like they have to get surgery and they don't fight for a year. | ||
| It's a long time out. | ||
| It's a career ender for baseball players. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| For pitchers, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I would imagine it'd have to be really smooth. | ||
| They're fucking whipping that arm back like that. | ||
| Can they fix that now or still no? | ||
| Yeah, they can fix it. | ||
| But now it's not a career ender anymore. | ||
| Well, it can be. | ||
| It still can be. | ||
| Just like the elbow. | ||
| Oh man, it's weird when you find out there's parts of your body that they can't fix. | ||
| Like one of the things that I found out when I started to have back issues is they want to start cutting things. | ||
| They want to start getting in there and fucking yanking shit out. | ||
| But there's certain things that they just can't fix. | ||
| They've started to give you artificial discs. | ||
| They've started to give those to people. | ||
| They have spacers or these plastic things that they screw in in the place where your mushy disc used to be. | ||
| And now they have these titanium rotating discs that they put in your neck. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, pretty crazy. | ||
| And some people in other countries, they do that. | ||
| And they don't do it yet in America, I don't believe. | ||
| So some people who get injured in America go to other countries to get your fucking neck cut open. | ||
| Like Germany does it, and England does it. | ||
| They put a little fake disc in there that moves around, screws and shit. | ||
| So much as how you get hit, like what you're breaking. | ||
| Like Bo Jackson. | ||
| Remember Bo Jackson? | ||
| He was a great baseball and football player. | ||
| He had a knee, a hip injury. | ||
| It was the end of his career. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| He kept playing baseball for a little while. | ||
| He tried, yeah. | ||
| He was the first one that ever played with an artificial hip, but I mean, he was never the same. | ||
| He had so much power, he was able to hit home runs without even turning over. | ||
| He didn't even totally rotate. | ||
| He would halfway rotate. | ||
| And he would get pissed, he would break a bat on his leg. | ||
| You know how fucking hard that is to do? | ||
| He's a super athlete. | ||
| That guy, Bo Jackson, could have done anything. | ||
| If he wanted to go into MMA, he would have been a world champion. | ||
| He'd be such a super athlete. | ||
| And they said he barely worked out. | ||
| Barely lifted weights. | ||
| Just was naturally super strong and just a great athlete. | ||
| Will Chamberlain was supposed to be like that, because I'm from Philly, and we always read about him. | ||
| Oh, I'd imagine. | ||
| Look at the size of the guy. | ||
| But he was the fastest, too. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| He was the fastest guy on his team. | ||
| Well, you remember when Jordan was in his prime and he would literally fly through the air? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He would fly. | ||
| Like, nobody had seen anything like that before. | ||
| Julius Erving. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| The sky hook, right? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| The hook was Abdul-Jabbar. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| But Julius Erving was the first one that did the, from the foul line in the dunk contest. | ||
| Whoa, really? | ||
| Jumped from the foul line and dunked, yeah. | ||
| That was so crazy that someone could do that. | ||
| His hands are so fucking big, Joe, that he could palm a record album. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Can you imagine that? | ||
| Oh my god, that's insane. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, imagine if Michael Jordan got into MMA and was just flying across the fucking cage and punching people in the head. | ||
| Because there's levels of athleticism, you know? | ||
| There's like... | ||
| There's the average guy, and then there's the above-average guy, and there's the guy who's above the above-average guy, and then there's a super athlete, and then there's a Michael Jordan, who makes the super athletes look like he's on another level from them. | ||
| LeBron James does, too. | ||
| Yeah, same thing, right? | ||
| Yeah, you know, an old buddy of mine is Charles Barkley. | ||
| You know who he is? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| He was telling me, he goes, look at me. | ||
| He says, my thighs are 32 inches. | ||
| He goes, I got a definite advantage. | ||
| He goes, look at that little white guy, Scotty Brooks. | ||
| He can barely touch the net. | ||
| Yeah, there's certain physical advantages that are undeniable. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The idea that all men are created equal is fucking preposterous. | ||
| No, you could say the human soul is equal. | ||
| Or that you should be equal under the eyes of the law. | ||
| Yeah, but no, they're not equal. | ||
| Yeah, you can take all the steroids you want. | ||
| You'll never be able to do what Michael Jordan did naturally. | ||
| No. | ||
| And you can't practice being 6'10". | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's also a weird thing, isn't it? | ||
| Where people talk about performance enhancing drugs should be illegal. | ||
| They definitely should. | ||
| But if they are, that means the super athletes are always going to have an advantage. | ||
| Just a natural, undeniable advantage in speed and power and the ability to move. | ||
| Well, racial differences make a difference. | ||
| What are you, Jimmy the Greek? | ||
| Over here! | ||
| No, they do. | ||
| But I mean, physically, you know, it's incredible. | ||
| There has not been a white cornerback in the NFL that I remember in the last 20, 25 years. | ||
| One position. | ||
| That's discrimination. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| No, they're quicker. | ||
| No, they're trying to keep the white man down. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Dom, you know, you come on this podcast and you start spreading black propaganda. | ||
| It's the same thing every time you're here. | ||
| I hate all minorities, Joe. | ||
| Even white people? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| When white people become minority, maybe everybody will relax. | ||
| Also, minority talk. | ||
| It's funny, the thing you say about race, because on a serious level, these guys can't say anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That's what's so funny about Barkley, because he's black, he can say stuff. | ||
| He says that I know you can't say it, but I'm going to say it, whatever it is, you know? | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of fucking, like, things that they used to say, like, on a regular basis, now they can't even say. | ||
| So they've had to adjust over the last just few years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, everything's so politically correct now. | ||
| And now Sam, that guy Sam, got picked up by the Cowboys, the guy who came out and said he was gay. | ||
| So now he's with a team. | ||
| Well, I heard that he was, according to Jamie, that the reason why they picked him up is that the Cowboys, the guy who owns the Cowboys, is into publicity. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah, he's a money-making machine, this guy. | ||
| The Cowboys have been a 500 team for the last 10 years, probably. | ||
| They haven't won a Super Bowl in 20 years, and they're the most valuable franchise in America. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hard to believe. | ||
| That doesn't even make any sense. | ||
| They're worth, I think, $3.2 billion. | ||
| How come they don't have to win? | ||
| They don't have to win because of publicity. | ||
| First of all, they're called America's Team. | ||
| Do you know who named them that? | ||
| The owner? | ||
| Themselves, yeah, the owner. | ||
| It's a guy named Tex Graham. | ||
| But America's Team, they got the star and the glitter and the fucking beauty. | ||
| Wait a minute, is it Dallas Cowboys and the dude's name is Tex? | ||
| Yeah, his name is Tex Graham. | ||
| He wins. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, he's dead now, but he was the one that created that image. | ||
| Whatever happened to that show you used to do for Comedy Central? | ||
| That was a funny show. | ||
| You used to do like a show with football players. | ||
| Yeah, it was called Offsides. | ||
| Well, what happened to it was the timing was bad. | ||
| You know, if Comedy Central was as big as they are now, they could have afforded more. | ||
| But NFL Films was so fucking expensive. | ||
| That they just had to lift. | ||
| We had good ratings, but it just wasn't, you know, their footage cost so much for us to get. | ||
| And I had so much fun with the players because they knew I wasn't a journalist. | ||
| So they were like, I get, you know, Brett Favre's. | ||
| Okay, so Reggie White was their star of their team. | ||
| And he recognized me. | ||
| He goes, man, I saw you on Oprah. | ||
| And I said, I can't picture you sitting there with a Kleenex box going, I can't believe these two sisters never met before they were 21. Why is it Oprah? | ||
| So Reggie wanted to do a thing with me. | ||
| He liked doing impressions. | ||
| So Favre was the second biggest star on the team. | ||
| And he comes up to me and goes, what are you doing? | ||
| I said, we're doing a football show for Comedy Central. | ||
| You want to do it? | ||
| He says, well, what do I got to do? | ||
| I said, just fuck around. | ||
| I'm not a journalist. | ||
| We'll just have fun. | ||
| So I could see he had some trepidations about it. | ||
| I thought I was going to maybe lay into him. | ||
| I said to him, so I'm fucking this girl in the ass, right? | ||
| I mean, I'm holding her down. | ||
| I'm fucking banging her. | ||
| No rubber, no nothing. | ||
| I ain't no pussy. | ||
| And he starts laughing. | ||
| He goes, are you allowed to say this? | ||
| I go, we're not on satellite, man. | ||
| I'm just trying to make you laugh. | ||
| And then he got loose, and then we had a great interview. | ||
| When you did that, was the NFL in the same position it's at now? | ||
| Was it just as popular? | ||
| Still, the NFL's never dwindled, right? | ||
| No, it's gotten bigger and bigger. | ||
| Bigger now? | ||
| Football is by far the most... | ||
| I mean, I don't know about NASCAR, but of the regular athletic sports, football is so fucking big. | ||
| High school football, college football. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think NASCAR is the biggest spectator sport, right? | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| I think that's what I've heard. | ||
| Don't they have places where they have 200,000 people or something absurd? | ||
| Well, you know what happens? | ||
| Yeah, there's that. | ||
| But you know what also happens? | ||
| Is that when you go down south, everybody knows about NASCAR. I was on the radio once in Atlanta, and they just started talking to me about this. | ||
| Kyle Waldrop and Neil Degren, this guy, bringing up all these names I never even heard of. | ||
| This guy won the Talladega. | ||
| And I literally, I go, so what are you talking about? | ||
| And they're like, we're talking about NASCAR. You don't follow NASCAR? Yeah. | ||
| This guy does not follow NASCAR? Like, it was so alien to them that I didn't know who any of those guys were. | ||
| I heard about Dale Earnhardt. | ||
| What about Dale Earnhardt? | ||
| Is he still doing it? | ||
| You know, like, you hear, like, certain names, like, will escape from that world. | ||
| I mean, I only know Tony Stewart because he was the guy that accidentally apparently killed... | ||
| That driver that got out of the car, you see that? | ||
| Yeah, that was fucked. | ||
| That was crazy. | ||
| What the fuck was he thinking? | ||
| The driver got... | ||
| Well, Tony Stewart apparently clipped him with his car and spun him out, and he was only 20. He was a hot-headed 20-year-old. | ||
| Yeah, but getting out, you know, geez... | ||
| Amazing that Tony Stewart's going to race again. | ||
| He did. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| He raced again. | ||
| He came in like 41st. | ||
| Probably taking it real slow, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't be a dick after you run somebody over. | ||
| Imagine if he just fucking balls to the wall, clipping everybody now. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Or what if he's just a very safe driver now? | ||
| He's like giving proper turn singles. | ||
| He's like, I'm going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that a normal? | |
| Turn singles in a racetrack. | ||
| Is that a normal position for him to be in? | ||
| 40th place? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He's usually up there at the top. | ||
| I mean, I don't know that much about it. | ||
| I bet he did try to take it slow, probably. | ||
| He's probably a real mindfuck, man. | ||
| I couldn't imagine. | ||
| It's like Boom Boom Mancini after he killed Dooku Kim. | ||
| The guy shouldn't have been fighting, but Raymond was never the same after that. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it wasn't. | ||
| It's one of those things, man. | ||
| It's hard for guys. | ||
| It's hard to... | ||
| Also, for a boxer, you're dealing with your own mortality, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's the fight that changed fighting from 15 rounds to 12. Did it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He died in the 13th, I believe. | ||
| You know, he had bleeding on his brain before he got in the ring. | ||
| How do they know that? | ||
| That's what I read. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They said that he shouldn't have been fighting. | ||
| Well, I know that he was cutting weight. | ||
| And that was also, I think, back when they would weigh in the day of the fight. | ||
| But now they know more about weight cutting. | ||
| Because Mancini was a lightweight. | ||
| So that was 135 pounds. | ||
| And I think that fight took place as a lightweight fight, I believe. | ||
| He fought Livingstone Bramble. | ||
| He fought a lot of great fighters. | ||
| Alexis Arguello. | ||
| He came to see me at the Improv one night, and we went out to talk, and his wife and his kid were watching the show. | ||
| And some guy comes up to us, and he goes, Boom Boom Mancini. | ||
| He goes, Can I ask you something? | ||
| Will you hit me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfft! | |
| Right? | ||
| And I said to the guy, I said, look, you know, I said, I can't hit you. | ||
| You know, Raymond's a really nice guy. | ||
| Did you ever meet him? | ||
| I said hi to him. | ||
| Never really had a conversation with him. | ||
| You know, a Youngstown, Ohio, like, real cool guy and did it all for his father. | ||
| Great story. | ||
| And I said, look, man, he can't hit you. | ||
| You know, like Raymond's like... | ||
| And they said, well, can I hit you then? | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| I said, no, you can't fucking hit him. | ||
| What are you, crazy? | ||
| Can I hit you? | ||
| He said, I always wanted to see what a professional punch felt like. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| I like to give him an amateur punch. | ||
| Well, not only that, dummy. | ||
| The guy's got to wrap his fucking hands and then put gloves on and then punch you. | ||
| Otherwise, he could break his hand. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| With the force that they hit? | ||
| Yeah, you could easily break your hand on someone's forehead. | ||
| He's lucky he didn't say that to Vinnie Curto. | ||
| Vinnie would have probably punched him. | ||
| Oh, God, Joe. | ||
| I did a great thing with Vinny one time. | ||
| Did I ever tell you this? | ||
| What? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Tell it to me first. | ||
| I brought him up. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| We had a crazy fucking nut cocaine head that lived upstairs. | ||
| Oh, you did tell me this, yeah. | ||
| They would fuck, and then you'd hear a shower. | ||
| It was like five in the morning. | ||
| I stayed up late, but after a while, I just said to him once, can you turn the music down just a little? | ||
| That's all. | ||
| Nice, you know. | ||
| Next day, Kim's window was broken in her car. | ||
| I knew he fucking did it. | ||
| So I go get Vinny, and Vinny looked like a fucking, you know, incredibly fucking gorilla, just killer. | ||
| Caveman, 100%. | ||
| And I get a kick out of him, and I like the guy personally. | ||
| But he did me a favor. | ||
| We go up, and it was like good guy, bad guy thing. | ||
| And the kid opened the door, and the kid goes, what? | ||
| And I go, hey, man, I just want to ask you. | ||
| And he sees Vinny, and then he changed completely. | ||
| And he goes, you know, I just wanted to tell you that somebody broke a window. | ||
| And as your neighbor, I want to warn you that there's somebody around here. | ||
| So just look out for yourself. | ||
| And I'm totally not really mean. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And Vinny goes, this is my fucking cousin. | ||
| He goes, I love him like a brother. | ||
| He goes, when anybody does fucks with Dom, I get these fucking headaches. | ||
| I don't even know what I'm doing. | ||
| And the guy goes, no, no, man. | ||
| I certainly didn't do it. | ||
| I go, oh. | ||
| Who the fuck accused you of doing it? | ||
| Why would you say that? | ||
| And he goes, Vinnie said, I sleep on his couch in the afternoon. | ||
| Make sure there's no fucking noise. | ||
| I'll go fucking crazy. | ||
| And that was, you know. | ||
| And that stopped the noise, stopped everything? | ||
| Yeah, stopped everything. | ||
| Then he'd see him at the gym. | ||
| He'd see Vinnie pressing 500 pounds at the gym. | ||
| Hey, how you doing? | ||
| How's your cousin? | ||
| That's the problem with living in apartments. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a guy that lived below me that asked me not... | ||
| I had a pool table in my living room. | ||
| I bought this pool table and I rented this apartment specifically because it had a place for the pool table. | ||
| This is the place that I lived in when I had to stay in LA. The first place I moved. | ||
| In North Hollywood. | ||
| You signed the lease. | ||
| Yeah, I signed the lease and that's what made me stay and that's the reason why I got everything. | ||
| News, radio, everything. | ||
| But I got this, it was a loft, and it had this big living room. | ||
| And I was like, I could definitely get a pool table in here. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| I tell the guy this. | ||
| The fucking landlord shows it to me. | ||
| I'm looking for a place at the pool table. | ||
| He was below me. | ||
| The landlord? | ||
| Yeah, not the landlord, but the superintendent or whatever it is. | ||
| The guy who showed me the place. | ||
| It wasn't the actual landlord. | ||
| What are they called? | ||
| Superintendents? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, he's this gay guy. | ||
| He's a really flamboyant gay guy with his boyfriend. | ||
| After I put the pool table in, he knocks on the door and he goes, we're having an issue with you walking around. | ||
| I go, you're having an issue with me walking? | ||
| Just walking. | ||
| He goes, well, the floor creaks. | ||
| I hear you walking. | ||
| What are you supposed to do? | ||
| I go, okay, well, what do you want me to do? | ||
| And he goes, well, between the hours of 5 p.m. | ||
| and 10 p.m., could you just not do that? | ||
| I go, so you're asking me not to walk in the living room? | ||
| I'm not even doing anything. | ||
| I'm just walking. | ||
| And he goes, oh, so I see the game we're going to play here. | ||
| I go, the game we're going to play. | ||
| I go, what you're telling me is the structural integrity of the apartment that you rented me is not good enough for me to actually be walking. | ||
| Just walking in the living room between a five-hour window every night. | ||
| When you get home to when you go to bed. | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| He goes, yeah. | ||
| I go, what the fuck is this? | ||
| That's just crazy. | ||
| You can't say don't walk. | ||
| I go, what if I just walk around my pool table? | ||
| If I don't play, I just walk in the living room. | ||
| Like, if I have people over and they want to walk around, look out the window. | ||
| You just have to roll or scoot. | ||
| How about I put a webcam over? | ||
| You can tell when I'm walking and when I'm playing pool so you can't get mad at me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| Fucking apartments, man. | ||
| How did you settle? | ||
| I kept playing pool. | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| Yeah, I had a guy who wouldn't let me do the treadmill. | ||
| And I told him, I said, I'll do it any time that you're not there. | ||
| Just to compromise anything. | ||
| I moved it for him. | ||
| You were killing me. | ||
| You were killing my wife. | ||
| I said, who the fuck invited you in this country? | ||
| Go back to wherever the fuck you came from. | ||
| Oh, Dom, I can't believe you took it there. | ||
| Oh, yeah, well, I hated the guy. | ||
| Why'd you have to go to the immigrant place? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Who brought you to this country? | ||
| Get the fuck back. | ||
| Who made you gay? | ||
| When he said that to me, like, oh, I see the game we're playing. | ||
| I was like, okay, there's no negotiating with you. | ||
| You're a ridiculous person. | ||
| I probably thought about it. | ||
| I probably didn't play as much. | ||
| Yeah, but it takes the fun out of it. | ||
| Then you gotta worry about some fucking nut downstairs. | ||
| The crazy thing was, it wasn't loud. | ||
| It wasn't like I moved around, I heard... | ||
| I didn't hear anything while I was walking. | ||
| I didn't hear shit. | ||
| I've been in that situation where you hear every single footstep and they had to end up putting carpet just to fix it. | ||
| Well, I had a carpet already. | ||
| It was already carpeted. | ||
| It was just a shitty building because the lady next door to me, super nice lady, but she would be on her phone and I would hear every fucking word she said. | ||
| Yeah, that's poorly made. | ||
| It was like, there's no insulation in California. | ||
| The difference between apartments on the East Coast and apartments on the West Coast is those fiberglass insulation or the stuff they pump into the walls to retain heat, they don't need that out here. | ||
| So you got wallboard, stud, wallboard. | ||
| You basically got a fucking notebook. | ||
| Between you and some person who's talking like some pretty intimate shit. | ||
| Every time she would get a phone call, I would hear her voice, her answering machine go on, and I would hear friends leave her messages. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| That was ridiculous. | ||
| I always think about that if I'm watching porn and they hear it next door. | ||
| Do you turn it up really loud? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just gave up. | |
| Only when the guy comes. | ||
| I stopped caring. | ||
| There was just too many times where I'm just masturbating in my office and look over, notice my windows open, there's people fencing in my backyard. | ||
| I'm like, oh, you guys know. | ||
| Fencing? | ||
| Yeah, they just fence all day. | ||
| Who fences? | ||
| In your name of it now? | ||
| My neighbors dress up as pirates and goth people and fence. | ||
| Fucking Burbank, man. | ||
| Fucking white people in Burbank, they're fencing in your backyard. | ||
| They make their own costumes, though. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| They do? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, very glamorous, like they're kings and stuff, but pirates. | ||
| What? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| So do they do, like, a part of a festival or something? | ||
| I think they must work at Universal or something. | ||
| Oh, so they're practicing their trade. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But they also have those sewing things on, like, or those, like, things where you sew on in their windows. | ||
| Like, when you walk by, they're just, like, look like people are just standing there. | ||
| Oh, like mannequins? | ||
| Like those mannequins you make dress ones? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's, wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I guess they make a lot of clothes. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| It's the economical way. | ||
| If you're going to play dress up, make your own shit. | ||
| It's probably more satisfying. | ||
| It's probably like when we were talking about eating the food that you kill. | ||
| Extra satisfying. | ||
| When you're out there at fucking Comic Con with an outfit that you created yourself. | ||
| We were in Sacramento this past week, and I did the Punchline. | ||
| You ever do the Punchline, Sacramento? | ||
| A long time ago. | ||
| Oh, what a great fucking club. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Perfect club. | ||
| Perfect size. | ||
| Bar in the back. | ||
| Low ceiling. | ||
| Tight seated. | ||
| We had so much fun there. | ||
| But while we were in town, it was there for the UFC, and there was some sort of an anime convention. | ||
| Like some sort of a dress-up dork fest. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| Lair. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Lair. | ||
| Lair? | ||
| What is that, the convention? | ||
| What's Lair? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This shit. | |
| What? | ||
| The... | ||
| Is that the thing that I was watching in Sacramento? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| How do you know? | ||
| Are you just making shit up? | ||
| That's not what they were doing. | ||
| You're wrong. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| They were dressing like anime characters, you fuck. | ||
| That's what Jamie's into. | ||
| He's like, hey, pay attention to what I'm into. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| How about Renaissance Fair? | ||
| We're not talking about Renaissance Fair, Jamie. | ||
| Lair. | ||
| This must be it. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| There's a hundred million of those things. | ||
| I love it, though. | ||
| It's cool because dorks get an opportunity. | ||
| They get an opportunity to hang out with other dorks. | ||
| Get outside, get a little vitamin D. The Renaissance Fair? | ||
| Any of these things. | ||
| Well, this is an anime thing. | ||
| Because people were dressed up like superheroes and some people were dressed up like furries. | ||
| There was a lot of weirdness going on. | ||
| That came out of Japan, right? | ||
| Furries? | ||
| No, the anime. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anime is just pretty much Japan animation in their style. | ||
| You ever perform in Japan, Dom? | ||
| Your people? | ||
| No. | ||
| He's an Eskimo. | ||
| It's not funny. | ||
| It's sad. | ||
| You knew me when my eyes were open. | ||
| I knew you back in the day. | ||
| I got a picture of Joey Diaz that I'm going to put on Instagram later today. | ||
| I got his head shot that I found in my office that I used to have on the wall. | ||
| It's from, he was like 210, 220 pounds. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Can't believe it's the same guy. | ||
| What's he weighing in? | ||
| It depends on how high he is when you ask him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Listen, dog. | ||
| He used to go on stage and he would talk on stage. | ||
| He goes, listen, dog. | ||
| I'm 45 years old. | ||
| I got no time for this bullshit. | ||
| I'm 50 years old. | ||
| I got no time. | ||
| In the same set, he'll give you three or four different ages. | ||
| Remember when he went through the fat blob? | ||
| He's like, don't talk about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just my little thing. | |
| It's just a little fat ball. | ||
| Yeah, a thing that he had to get removed from his shoulders. | ||
| It was like another head. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| I fucking love that guy. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| He's so much fun. | ||
| There's no more fun guy to be around. | ||
| When you bring him to shows, everybody's funnier. | ||
| The show's funnier. | ||
| The comics on the show are funnier. | ||
| You're funnier backstage. | ||
| Everybody's funnier. | ||
| I love him, too. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| We co-headlined a couple times. | ||
| What a blast. | ||
| So much fun. | ||
| I told you what he said to me, right? | ||
| What? | ||
| I said, Joe, I don't care who goes on first or second, whatever you want. | ||
| He goes, Dom Herrera, tell you what, why don't you close the first shows and I'll close the second so you don't have to follow a fucking pig like me. | ||
| And then you can do it at a Laugh Factory if you want. | ||
| I said, Zoe, you're not only doing me a favor, you're getting me spots at other clubs. | ||
| He's a great dude. | ||
| He is. | ||
| His podcast is doing fantastic, too. | ||
| And that's one of the things I really love about the internet, that a guy like Joey could be Joey. | ||
| No one would ever understand him unless you saw him in the uncensored form, like on this podcast. | ||
| You'd never understand, or his podcast. | ||
| He kept dosing that kid, his engineer. | ||
| He still does that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| He still does that. | ||
| You give him mushrooms the others. | ||
| He gives him stuff. | ||
| He doesn't tell him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| Joey. | ||
| What kid? | ||
| The Flying Jew. | ||
| Who? | ||
| His little friend that always hangs out. | ||
| Oh, what is his name? | ||
| Lee. | ||
| Lee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He doses him? | ||
| Yeah, he keeps dosing him, like roofing him. | ||
| Well, he's not fucking him. | ||
| I don't have a problem with that. | ||
| If you're around Joey, you know not to eat any of his shit. | ||
| He dosed Burt Kreischer's dad. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You gave Bert Kreisch's dad edible weed. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And Bert's like, what are you doing? | ||
| And his dad is like, oh, I'm just eating some candy that Joey gave. | ||
| He goes, that's not candy! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, it's candy, but it's not just candy! | |
| Forget about it. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Listen, cocksucker, your dad's gotta live! | ||
| Gotta live! | ||
| Yeah, he's... | ||
| Tom Segura has a fucking hilarious story about the same thing that I said about getting high with Joey on the plane, where he's just throwing down these chibichus. | ||
| Joey, in the middle of a panic attack, like, ate another chibichu. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck, man. | ||
| He goes deep. | ||
| He's one of the funniest people I know. | ||
| He's back at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He said that it's been a good challenge that he forgot how that room was, you know, when you're on stage. | ||
| Well, they don't know you're there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't know you're coming. | ||
| They're there for Joey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's a different kind of a groove. | ||
| You know, you've got to develop material that, like, you set it up differently. | ||
| You've got to introduce it differently because they're not expecting you to be like this raucous, crazy, you know, giant Cuban guy who's done a ton of coke in his life. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They don't know what he's doing. | ||
| They just see a guy on stage and then they have to slowly but surely be introduced to his ideas. | ||
| What's going on there where they're trying to stop people from smoking weed? | ||
| We're at the comedy store? | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| There's a rumor that that might be true. | ||
| How can you stop people from smoking weed? | ||
| But not the management. | ||
| Where are you going to stop them? | ||
| They could just go hide in the back. | ||
| That sounds like the dumbest idea ever. | ||
| That's like telling football players to stop doing steroids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| The comedy star? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| Stop him from drinking, too? | ||
| Well, it's just one person that wants to do it. | ||
| I mean, that's ridiculous. | ||
| Does he have power? | ||
| That one person? | ||
| No. | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| Who is it? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| His name rhymes with Pauly Shore. | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't go there anymore. | ||
| I'm just talking out of my ass. | ||
| You're not going to go now? | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I talked to Scotty. | ||
| Scotty Shore is my buddy. | ||
| I talked to him when I was down in San Diego. | ||
| I was like, just too much of a bad feeling about that place. | ||
| I love when you come in for breaking balls. | ||
| I love doing your show. | ||
| Your show, The Laugh Factory. | ||
| See, The Laugh Factory doesn't have any negative feeling to me. | ||
| Especially now. | ||
| Now, it seems like there's a whole new crew there. | ||
| It's kind of a different sort of a vibe there. | ||
| But if you go to the Comedy Store, especially everyone that you've met through Desk, like Justin Martindale, Tony, Jeremiah, they're just everywhere now. | ||
| And it's all positive. | ||
| It's like a huge family. | ||
| And when somebody from the outside comes in, it's like a whole family looking at that person. | ||
| Yeah, but that person that comes in doesn't want you smoking weed, and I'm going to smoke weed if I go to the Comedy Store. | ||
| Well, we all do it. | ||
| What if you get banned from smoking weed? | ||
| I have a license. | ||
| No, you can't just say I have a license. | ||
| I can smoke at your house. | ||
| Well, you can. | ||
| Well, upstairs, when it's private, just the axe. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He lets you smoke inside, upstairs? | ||
| Oh, he doesn't. | ||
| I just like blowing it down on all those people. | ||
| Get the show better. | ||
| There's glass now in between. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great thing. | ||
| The way he's got it set up up there. | ||
| That's a sweet thing. | ||
| Other than when they're in between shows like Friday and Saturday with the two shows, it's basically a club for the acts. | ||
| Well, I don't mind going there. | ||
| I like the Laugh Factory when I do it with you. | ||
| It's got a good vibe. | ||
| Oh, I love it. | ||
| Especially with you. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| I always have fun with the interview. | ||
| Yeah, if you've ever seen Breaking Balls with Don Marrera, he does a show, he fucks around with the audience, does material, then brings up a comic, and then fucks around with the comic in between, and then brings up the next comic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, it's fun. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Because, you know, Don, you're at your best. | ||
| Well, I wouldn't say you're at your best. | ||
| You're always, I mean, you're always funny on stage, but I love the particular type of funny when you're just fucking around. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| Yeah, like when we did the Kill Tony show at the Ice House. | ||
| Yeah, we were crying. | ||
| Oh, it was so fun. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| That was really, really, really fun. | ||
| And for those comics, to get a guy like you fucking with them and talking about their material. | ||
| I mean, a lot of those guys, it was the first time they ever went on stage. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Imagine that, the first time you ever go on stage and you get a guy who's been doing comedy forever, has been on HBO, a legend in comedy, and he's critiquing your act. | ||
| He's busting your balls. | ||
| That's as good as you could ever hope for. | ||
| I mean, that's a beautiful moment. | ||
| The idea of Kill Tony is a great idea. | ||
| That should be a Comedy Central show. | ||
| You should totally sell that shit to Comedy Central. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is a great idea. | |
| It's a great idea. | ||
| Comics do a minute, you know? | ||
| And it's especially fun when we did it at the Ice House, because the Ice House has such a good feeling to it. | ||
| Well, that room is perfect. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The belly room's good. | ||
| Just like the belly room. | ||
| About the same size amount of seats, right? | ||
| Belly room's like 100 seats, 90 seats. | ||
| So is that room. | ||
| The Ice House has an annex. | ||
| They have a big room, which is not a big room anyway. | ||
| The big room is only like 190, 180, 190, something like that. | ||
| And then they have the smaller room, which is only about 80 or 90. And it's fucking amazing. | ||
| I like the main room. | ||
| I think that's my favorite room, because that's barely ever used. | ||
| And it used to be such a famous room. | ||
| When I started there, they used to sell three Saturday night shows out. | ||
| But the main room, late at night, when there's only like ten people in the room, is fucking sad. | ||
| No, no, unless it's like Brody Stevens or something like that. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| I prefer those, where it's just him... | ||
| I was in the main room once, back in the Joey Diaz days, when Joey Diaz had Jeff, you know, Jeff the piano man? | ||
| He had Jeff play Ozzy Osbourne and he got on stage and took his shirt off and he's singing War Pigs. | ||
| Joey Diaz is singing it on stage and it was fucking one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life because he's completely committed to it. | ||
| He had no shirt on and the audience is Maybe there was four audience members, and the rest of the audience was all comics. | ||
| We were all just hanging out, and Joey Diaz is on stage, and they're fucking with the lights. | ||
| No, it wasn't Jeff. | ||
| It was the other guy who did the main room. | ||
| Mike? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
| Mike, the guy with the glasses? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes, great dude, who was in a band. | ||
| No, he didn't have glasses. | ||
| He was in a band. | ||
| You remember that guy? | ||
| He's like, what's up, dude? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, dude. | |
| Yeah, he's still there. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| I think I got the wrong guy. | ||
| I was talking about Mike who was the manager who played piano. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| The guy who handled the sound and the shit. | ||
| No, it's not Jeff. | ||
| Danny? | ||
| Danny. | ||
| So Danny's playing War Pigs, you know? | ||
| And Joey Diaz is on stage screaming the lyrics to it, along with the sound that's coming over the loudspeaker, which is actually, you know, Ozzy. | ||
| And they're doing, like, the different colored lights, like Joey's on stage. | ||
| And I just sat back, and we were all barbecued. | ||
| We were all completely baked out of our mind. | ||
| I sat back and laughed and we were all just clapping. | ||
| It was such a pure performance. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Because he wasn't trying to impress anybody. | ||
| There was no one there to see him. | ||
| There was no audience. | ||
| It was just us having fun. | ||
| And like I said, maybe four people in the crowd. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's some shit that only takes place at the Comedy Store. | ||
| That's why I love it. | ||
| It feels like you're just hanging out with your friends, getting wasted, and having fun, and it's just playing around and doing silly shit. | ||
| And you would think, because it's the Comedy Store, that it would be packed all the time. | ||
| It's got this name. | ||
| Because you can't get a better location. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| It's got this name. | ||
| When I was an open-miker, we had heard about the Comedy Store. | ||
| It was like, Mecca. | ||
| I had always wanted to be at the Comedy Store. | ||
| To me, becoming a paid regular at the Comedy Store was more important than getting my first television show. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Because that was the spot. | ||
| That was where Kinison came from. | ||
| That was where Pryor came from. | ||
| They all started at the Comedy Store. | ||
| So when I was there, and I would show up, the first time I was there, it wasn't even half full. | ||
| I was there in the OR, and some terrible act was on stage, some fucking singing nothing. | ||
| It was dog shit. | ||
| And I remember going, this is the comedy store? | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| I would expect it to be like when you see Live in the Sunset Strip, a liner on the block, the who's who of Hollywood's there, the greatest comics in the world are all going up. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| It was like that when I first went out. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| 85. It was like that? | ||
| What was it like? | ||
| That was the Kinnison days, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I first went there and I used to go on right before Sam at the end. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| We became friends. | ||
| A lot of laughs. | ||
| A lot of fucking laughs. | ||
| Did you ever do blow with him? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Did you ever do blow with him? | ||
| No. | ||
| I thought you said, did you ever blow? | ||
| Did he ever offer it to you? | ||
| No, he knew me. | ||
| You know, he knew I wasn't. | ||
| See, the thing about Sam and I, we could be friends, but I'm not a follower. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I don't want to be a leader either, but I'd just rather just hang. | ||
| And, you know, I would never be part of his entourage. | ||
| Yeah, he had a whole cult of following, right? | ||
| Yeah, the outlaws. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we had a lot of fun together. | ||
| We had a lot of laughs. | ||
| I was always glad when he was there. | ||
| I passed the first time I auditioned there, and then she forgot me. | ||
| So then I had to audition again. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But, yeah, it was a fun day. | ||
| It was amazing, you know, because I remember when Roseanne couldn't get on in the main room. | ||
| She couldn't get on? | ||
| She couldn't get a spot in the main room. | ||
| What year was this, in 85 she couldn't? | ||
| I thought she was already huge in 85. No, she was probably later than 85. Yeah, I always heard that right when she moved here, she got a show the same day. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, she was giant. | ||
| No, she didn't get it. | ||
| Look, I remember working in Vegas with her. | ||
| And she couldn't get on. | ||
| All she wanted was a spot in the first show, Main Room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That was the money spot, because that's when we'd all make four or five hundred dollars, which was a lot then, you know. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Being in town. | ||
| I started out at the comedy store in Hawaii. | ||
| I had a very circuitous route. | ||
| Comedy store in Hawaii? | ||
| I did the Hawaii one with Barry Sobel and Carrie Snow. | ||
| Then I went to La Jolla, did well there, went to Vegas, and that went well. | ||
| So I didn't really start doing the comedy store until I had done the tour. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| They had a Westwood one too, right? | ||
| Yeah, but that was a little before my time. | ||
| Westwood. | ||
| It was on Westwood Avenue. | ||
| And the Westwood one was where Kinnison really started out. | ||
| That's where it really developed, apparently. | ||
| I took a friend of mine who's a priest. | ||
| It was the reason I went in to see the room, and Sam was on. | ||
| And my friend's hair was back. | ||
| He's standing up. | ||
| I said, it's not always like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Especially back then. | ||
| Nobody knew who Sam was. | ||
| Nobody saw that coming. | ||
| Oh, it was fucking incredible. | ||
| Incredible energy. | ||
| Yeah, the comedy store had a whole series of clubs, and now they're down to two. | ||
| How many were there? | ||
| And they were all the same people who owned them? | ||
| Well, there was... | ||
| It's all Mitzi, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, not the same people. | ||
| The same one person. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Mitzi used to make a lot of money in Vegas, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why don't they have, well, obviously now it's a mess, but I would think the Comedy Store in Vegas would be a no-brainer. | ||
| Yeah, what happened to the original one? | ||
| They should have... | ||
| They raised it because Bellagio bought it out. | ||
| That's where the Bellagio is now. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| I would think that that would be a no-brainer for a franchise. | ||
| I mean, improvs are all over the country. | ||
| It's amazing that the comedy store never franchised like that. | ||
| Yeah, the improv really knew how to franchise it. | ||
| And Jamie's doing it, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| With Chicago. | ||
| And Vegas, right? | ||
| You were just in the Laugh Factory event. | ||
| I would take you to Chicago with me. | ||
| I'm going there in October. | ||
| Buddy, I give you $2 to do a full weekend, but you'll be at Laugh Factory. | ||
| It's a lot of money for Laugh Factory. | ||
| They really offer you shit money? | ||
| Allegedly, we're on the air. | ||
| Allegedly, we're on the air. | ||
| Allegedly, he got a bad deal. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| No, they fixed it. | ||
| I have no tact. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| That's what makes you funny. | ||
| If you had tact, it would get in the way of a lot of good jokes. | ||
| Thank you, Joseph. | ||
| You would, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tact would fucking... | ||
| How much should he offer you? | ||
| Hey, easy, Dominic! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What did we do over here? | ||
| We just got done smoothing out your mess! | ||
| Now you got a new mess! | ||
| I didn't know herpes could move to the butt. | ||
| You were talking about earlier. | ||
| I think that... | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| I think that Mitzi had an issue with the idea of franchising because they had to be comedy store comics. | ||
| And if you'd franchise at a certain point in time, you'd thin it down. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to need more. | ||
| Well, you need 365 days a year. | ||
| You know, she would have a seven-night-a-week show. | ||
| At 365 days a year of good comics and you're flying them out to Louisville, Kentucky, good luck. | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| No one's going to do a week. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, there's Vegas clubs, like, they used to do that at the Riv, right? | ||
| You would do Monday through Sunday. | ||
| You'd do the whole week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You'd have to stay for seven days. | ||
| Like, I would get calls from buddies. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't make me do that. | ||
| I did Thursday through Sunday. | ||
| I just did Friday and Saturday. | ||
| I did the late night shows because I couldn't do the regular show at the Riv. | ||
| I could only do the extreme show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I remember that. | |
| You had that, yeah. | ||
| Extreme. | ||
| The morning. | ||
| Yeah, the extreme. | ||
| You and Slayton. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I couldn't do it. | ||
| I can't do Vegas for more than a couple of days. | ||
| I love Vegas for a couple of days. | ||
| It was killing me. | ||
| How many days did you do this past one? | ||
| Four. | ||
| But I went in early and I came back late. | ||
| So Wednesday through Monday or something like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I didn't want to fly in the heat. | ||
| I can't fucking take that 110 degrees. | ||
| I'm a very delicate artist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's your favorite place to work in Vegas? | |
| Oh, God. | ||
| See, that's a bad question. | ||
| It's a bad question? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you just work for Jamie? | ||
| You don't want to tell the truth? | ||
| Well, you know, it was fun. | ||
| I'll tell you what was fun. | ||
| It was a fucking great job. | ||
| I opened for Cher for years in the early 90s. | ||
| We did the Mirage. | ||
| The Mirage is great. | ||
| They used to call me Easy Money because I would be at the sports book, and this is when I could still fucking jump. | ||
| I'd hop over the fucking rail... | ||
| Just a minute to eight, because everything starts on time there. | ||
| Boom, I fucking slide across the stage, do 25 minutes, and I go in the back and the crew would be fucking with me. | ||
| They'd have a chair and a towel and water. | ||
| You okay, easy money? | ||
| I'm all right, guys. | ||
| I almost did 26 tonight. | ||
| I went crazy. | ||
| That was a fun game. | ||
| Did you say hop over the sportsbook? | ||
| Were you betting? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you'd gamble up until the moment you're supposed to go on stage and then you'd run in? | ||
| Well, I wasn't a big gambler, but yeah, I'd bet on games and stuff. | ||
| I like to watch it. | ||
| I like it to stretch out. | ||
| I don't want to put everything on black and then leave a fucking loser. | ||
| Well, especially if you're a sports fan, it makes the game more exciting, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, it makes everything. | ||
| I mean, that's what I love about betting football. | ||
| Like with pro football starting tomorrow night, I fucking love it. | ||
| I love the over-under experience. | ||
| You know what the over-under is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I love that because, especially if you're rooting for the over, because you're rooting for everybody. | ||
| It's all positive. | ||
| Like, the under's all negative. | ||
| Don't drop that pass! | ||
| Drop that pass! | ||
| Get that motherfucker! | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| But the over is fine. | ||
| Yeah, positive betting is better than negative betting. | ||
| There's a cheer sometimes in Vegas if you watch a boxing match. | ||
| They'll have an over-under on how many rounds. | ||
| A lot of people bet that. | ||
| And then it'll hit the fifth round and everybody goes, yeah! | ||
| Like there's an aurora in the crowd. | ||
| Yeah, and I think it was Larry Merchant that actually brought it up once during a broadcast. | ||
| The reason why these people are cheering is because they gambled on it. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of proposition bets like that. | ||
| Like, you could bet a bunch of fights, parlay, put them all together. | ||
| If you get them all right, you get some insane amount of money. | ||
| Aubrey is a big gambler. | ||
| He always gambles in Vegas. | ||
| He's never hit that shit yet. | ||
| He's gotten close, though. | ||
| It's always one shit judge's decision. | ||
| Fucks you up. | ||
| I can't get into it. | ||
| Gambling on fights? | ||
| Gambling on anything. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Even slot machines and all that stuff, it's just for fun. | ||
| It's not really like I'm addicted to it or cards, nothing betting. | ||
| It's probably good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's probably good that you don't do that. | ||
| Yeah, I just don't like it. | ||
| Oh shit, it just hit me. | ||
| I realized my favorite club to work in Vegas, Brad Garrett's Club, because I'm working there in October. | ||
| I can't believe it just hit me. | ||
| Used to be my favorite club was the Tropicana, but now it's Brad Garrett. | ||
| I just had a memory loss there for a second. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For real? | |
| A real memory loss? | ||
| You always talk about Brad Garrett. | ||
| I was waiting for you to bring it up. | ||
| I was wondering why. | ||
| I thought you were out of reverence to Jamie. | ||
| Well, it gets awkward. | ||
| Buddy, my club is better. | ||
| Buddy, my club is better. | ||
| You gotta see his club with these fucking chicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're so hot. | |
| Which one? | ||
| Brad Garrett's? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Why don't you book a weekend when I'm there for a UFC? I would love to. | ||
| Brad Garrett's at MGM, right? | ||
| How often? | ||
| Yeah, downstairs, the MGM. It looks nice. | ||
| I've passed by it. | ||
| I've never performed there. | ||
| We did that once, remember? | ||
| We had a couple times I was there for your fights. | ||
| Yes, but I never got to see you at Brad Garrett's, though. | ||
| There's a bunch of UFCs coming up. | ||
| Alright, we'll look at the dates. | ||
| How often do you go to Vegas? | ||
| How often do you do it? | ||
| Three or four times a year. | ||
| What about January? | ||
| You got anything booked in January? | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| The weekend of January 2nd. | ||
| That's the weekend the UFC is going to be in Vegas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Great fights, too. | ||
| Oh, I think I could do that. | ||
| Let's do it, Dom! | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| You can come during the day. | ||
| You can see the fights start at 4. Oh, boy. | ||
| So you could watch the fights from, like, what's the first show at 8? | ||
| There's only one show. | ||
| What time is it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If you could get them to do it at 10. That's the shit. | ||
| Dumb. | ||
| Get him to do it at 10, you can see all the fisticuffs, then get over there with ample time. | ||
| And then eat mushrooms at 11. What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's at the MGM? Sometimes. | |
| Sometimes at Mandalay Bay, sometimes MGM. Those are the only two places. | ||
| I was at the Palm one time. | ||
| Yeah, they used to do it at the Palm. | ||
| They don't do it at the Palm anymore. | ||
| Dana White, he gambles too much. | ||
| He broke them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He fucking smashed the Palm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Yeah, he smashed them. | ||
| They banned them. | ||
| When they banned them, he pulled the UFC out and he started doing the smaller events at the Hard Rock. | ||
| Wait, he was winning? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He wins big money. | ||
| He loses big money, but he gambles big money. | ||
| He gets crazy. | ||
| Like a million dollars a night. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I don't know how you could do that and keep a pulse and not fucking sweat all your blood out. | ||
| It just seems like I would... | ||
| If I lost a million dollars in a night, I would totally quit. | ||
| But he's won like five or six million a night. | ||
| Because it's not really gambling. | ||
| You know what gambling is? | ||
| If you have a guy who's equal to you in pool and you play pool, that's gambling. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But these fucking casinos wouldn't have crystal chandeliers if people were really gambling. | ||
| The odds are set against them. | ||
| They definitely are set against you, but if you're good at certain games, like blackjack... | ||
| Yeah, there's more of a level field. | ||
| I mean, certain things are fucking ridiculous. | ||
| Slot machines. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Plus, they're rigged. | ||
| It's not even like it's a machine. | ||
| They set them. | ||
| They can set them to be easier or harder. | ||
| They can decide whether or not you're going to win or lose. | ||
| They can set it so one person wins a month. | ||
| I like video poker. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah, because you sit there, you get the drinks. | ||
| You don't annoy anybody. | ||
| Like, blackjack, it's always like, get your hands off the table, sir. | ||
| Not only that, if you bet crazy, people get pissed at you. | ||
| I've heard people say that. | ||
| Like, if you're playing blackjack at a bad table and someone doesn't know what they're doing, they fuck up the hand. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| How could they fuck up? | ||
| I mean, I see what they're saying, but that's a weird way of looking at it. | ||
| That they fuck up your hand? | ||
| Like, what kind of a whack-ass game are you playing where someone else making shitty decisions affects you? | ||
| They affect the card count? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They make the, you know, whatever. | ||
| The craps, too. | ||
| I don't even understand that fucking game. | ||
| That game's ridiculous. | ||
| You gotta know too much. | ||
| Yeah, Richard Jenney used to have a bit about craps. | ||
| It's a fucking funny bit, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| About how he doesn't like certain games because he likes games where nobody knows what the fuck is going on. | ||
| This whole thing about craps. | ||
| It's a funny bit, man. | ||
| He did that bit on The Sin Night Show, I think. | ||
| I never saw that. | ||
| I used to love his ref bit. | ||
| Let's see if we can find it. | ||
| See if you can find Richard Jenny on craps and we'll end with this out of respect for our late friend Mr. Jenny. | ||
| He's a guy we've talked about a hundred times on the podcast that he doesn't get enough respect. | ||
| Fucking great stand-up. | ||
| Oh yeah, man. | ||
| When he was the best. | ||
| When he like in the late 80s ish somewhere around there like 88 89 He was one of the best one of the best in the country just did but didn't get that sort of like the same respect like I think rich is brilliant. | ||
| I don't think he had the charisma That's max. | ||
| They're not as good as him or but get bigger than him because mm-hmm, you know is this it Brian? | ||
| Yeah No, no. | ||
| Richard Jenny, craps. | ||
| On craps. | ||
| No, but on craps. | ||
| That's what I searched for. | ||
| But this might be it. | ||
| Because this came up as the second. | ||
| Okay, let's give it a shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please welcome Richard Jenny! | |
| Worst dresser, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he dressed like a guy who was on a boat. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm always in a good mood around the holidays. | ||
| I had a great Thanksgiving, boy. | ||
| I was so thankful. | ||
| Are you thankful on Thanksgiving? | ||
| Yeah, look at that turkey. | ||
| And I'm thinking, hey, life is tough and you have problems, but nobody ever cuts a hole in your ass and fills you with mushrooms. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I didn't get away with that. | ||
| Jay Leno was edgy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And who can mention problems without bringing up that model of self-restraint President Bill Clinton, what a guy. | |
| Bill Clinton. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gotta give him credit. | |
| You gotta give the guy, I can't get my girlfriend to smoke a cigar. | ||
| That guy's good. | ||
| He is good. | ||
| I guess the thing that annoys people is, you know, you kinda want the president to be And it turns out, you know, Clinton is just like every other stupid guy. | ||
| He can't turn down oral sex. | ||
| He can't. | ||
| He can't. | ||
| No guy can. | ||
| Because it combines the two activities, no guy ever gets tired of. | ||
| One, sex. | ||
| Two, not moving at all. | ||
| The big two. | ||
| They can't believe it's happening at the same time. | ||
| They're sitting there with a remote in a sandwich going, this is the big two. | ||
| I'm having sex. | ||
| I'm not moving. | ||
| I'm with a girl who can't talk. | ||
| What's better than this? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| I don't know if this is the craps bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hopefully it is because we're going to run out of time here. | |
| If Clinton does get impeached, though, you know who I think should be president? | ||
| Hear me out here. | ||
| Jack Kevorkian. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| He doesn't lie. | ||
| This guy has nerve. | ||
| He sends a tape of himself for 60 minutes, ending a guy's life so he can get arrested on purpose. | ||
| And if he's convicted, he's going to starve himself in jail as a protest. | ||
| Now that is courage. | ||
| That's commitment. | ||
| That's a guy standing up and saying, hey, I don't want to live if it means I can't kill other people. | ||
| That's nerve. | ||
| That guy's got nerve. | ||
| I mean, think about it. | ||
| You know, Phil Clinton commits adultery. | ||
| Lies and squirms and won't admit it to a single person. | ||
| Jack Kevorkian commits first-degree murder and broadcast it on national television. | ||
| He's not the type of guy that would say, I didn't inhale, I didn't do it. | ||
| Not him. | ||
| He'd be on the White House lawn having sex with an intern and doing bong hits out of the death machine. | ||
| See how much time is left in this if it's got that crap spit in there. | ||
| They give it a little bump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know how he's going to make the segway. | |
| A little more. | ||
| No. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Anyway, isn't that weird, that sort of Tonight Show type comedy where you have like seven minutes, five minutes, you sort of rush into every bit? | ||
| I hate writing those sets. | ||
| Last time I did it was Jimmy Fallon, and I had fun because I like Jimmy and the band, but it's like, they're so fucking contrived. | ||
| When he was doing his show or the Tonight Show? | ||
| Yeah, his show. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard. | ||
| It's not real comedy. | ||
| It's like the difference between a preview to a movie and the actual movie itself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a good way of putting it. | ||
| I mean, there's no soul to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| You can't get deep. | ||
| Everybody knows it's only going to last five minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have a few minutes and you just wrap it up. | ||
| That's over. | ||
| I've seen a couple guys. | ||
| I mean, Seinfeld was perfect for that. | ||
| Well, Richard Jennings was really good at it, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Real good joke writer at it. | ||
| But he was... | ||
| Richard was... | ||
| He flushed out bits so well. | ||
| That it took away from that part of him, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, that was his number one thing that he was really good at. | ||
| And I learned that from him, actually. | ||
| I've talked about it before, about how to really get the most out of a bit. | ||
| Everything out of a subject. | ||
| Yeah, what is it? | ||
| Card table dating? | ||
| Card table, no, I don't think that's it. | ||
| On craps, playing craps. | ||
| Maybe playing craps. | ||
| It was an old bit. | ||
| So all those looked like they were too recent for it to be him. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| It's over, folks. | ||
| Fucking podcast's over. | ||
| Don Marrera, I love you to death. | ||
| Love you too, Joe. | ||
| Thanks for having me on, buddy. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Anytime, my friend. | ||
| And we'll do your show, Breaking Balls, at the Laugh Factory soon. | ||
| And I'll put it up on... | ||
| You gotta come and do my podcast again, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hallelujah! | |
| I love it! | ||
| Can you keep Jamie Masada out of the room again? | ||
| I can keep him out of the room for you. | ||
| We did it one more time. | ||
| One more time, keep him out of the room. | ||
| Buddy, I love you, Joe. | ||
| Why are you so mean to me, Joe? | ||
| I love Jamie, too. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| And he promises to pay Brian more money than he... | ||
| How much did he offer you? | ||
| No, it's great! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It's fine. | ||
| He's... | ||
| This podcast is brought to you by Ting. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com. | ||
| Enter in the code word nothing because I already said it. | ||
| Rogan.ting.com. | ||
| Save yourself $25, you fucks. | ||
| And we're also brought to you by Audible. | ||
| Go to audible.com forward slash Joe. | ||
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| Alright, we love the fuck out of you and we will be back tomorrow. | ||
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| We'll be back tomorrow with the young and dangerous Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Until then, be cool with each other and spread love and give kisses. | ||
| There's one for you. | ||
| See you soon. |
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