May 20, 2014 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:55:34
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Da-da-da-da-da-da! | |
| Suck upon it! | ||
| This episode of The Podcast. | ||
| See? | ||
| Didn't say it. | ||
| Already took my alpha brain. | ||
| I'm Brody Stevens. | ||
| I took on the Brody Stevens cadence. | ||
| A lot of people do. | ||
| Already took my alpha brain. | ||
| 818. I need to hang around him more. | ||
| I used to be able to do a good Brody imitation, but... | ||
| It's gotten very generic now. | ||
| I've lost the tone. | ||
| You know, I still have Joe Diaz in my arsenal, but I've lost the Brody tone. | ||
| I need to be around him. | ||
| I need to see him. | ||
| I need to feel him. | ||
| This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. | ||
| And Squarespace is the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website. | ||
| Yes, you! | ||
| The average person. | ||
| The Sam Triplies of the world. | ||
| The Joe Rogans of the world. | ||
| Brian Redman is far more computer savvy than us. | ||
| He can actually create a real website. | ||
| He knows code. | ||
| We are not capable of that. | ||
| I'm sure Jamie can do that as well. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me? | |
| Not so much. | ||
| I'll show you how to throw a sidekick. | ||
| I can't do nothing. | ||
| I can't even do sidekicks. | ||
| But you can do Squarespace, Sam Tripoli! | ||
| Really? | ||
| You can set up a fucking online store, son. | ||
| I have faith in you. | ||
| And it's all done... | ||
| Through a simple, easy drop and drag interface, just like if you were attaching an email to your Facebook page or a picture. | ||
| You know, cutting and pasting an email, posting a picture, posting a video. | ||
| You know how to do that on Twitter. | ||
| If you can do that, you can make your own fucking website. | ||
| And it can be awesome. | ||
| It can be awesome with... | ||
| A full online store, Sam Tripoli. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You can sell copies online of your new CD that came out motherfucking today. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Sam Tripoli. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Believe in Yourself? | ||
| I like that message. | ||
| This message can all be relayed through Squarespace.com. | ||
| And if you go to Squarespace.com, they have 24-7 support. | ||
| 24-7. | ||
| 24-7 support. | ||
| And as I said, simple drag-and-drop interface and websites that work on everything. | ||
| It'll work on your iPad. | ||
| It'll work on... | ||
| A Android device, an Android tablet, it'll work on Unix if you're one of those fucking weirdos who insists on Unix. | ||
| By the way, we need you. | ||
| We need you on our team. | ||
| We need Unix? | ||
| All the people that are those coder guys, we're so glad when they're not evil. | ||
| I mean, think about it, like the coder guys that bring down shit, find out fucking creepy shit that people have been up to. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Totally, we need them out there fighting our fights. | ||
| The dictators in check, whether it's foreign and abroad, the people suppressing the masses. | ||
| We need those motherfuckers that understand eunuchs. | ||
| Because those evil military dudes, they don't They're up to no good. | ||
| We need the rebel forces. | ||
| They don't know Unix. | ||
| Anyway, go to squarespace.com and use the code word JOE for a free trial and 10% off your first purchase. | ||
| Go there and also check out the logo creator. | ||
| Squarespace has it so you can make a clean and simple logo design for yourself in minutes. | ||
| I think we need a Naughty Show logo. | ||
| Brian, can you create a Naughty Show logo while I do the Onyx commercial? | ||
| All right, well, Brian's going to do that just to show you how... | ||
| Can you make a punch drunk sports one? | ||
| Fuck yeah, he could do that too. | ||
| Well, you should probably pay him now because now you're fucking putting in requests and trying to get him to work. | ||
| Anyway, squarespace.com. | ||
| Use the code word Joe. | ||
| Save yourself some motherfucking money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| That is O-N-N-I-T. Onnit is a website where you can buy shit that can make things better. | ||
| What do I mean by that? | ||
| What Onnit is is what we call a human optimization website. | ||
| And what we sell is shit like Alpha Brain, which does work. | ||
| Prove it, Joe. | ||
| I took one. | ||
| I took four. | ||
| I take four. | ||
| I'm fucking crazy. | ||
| I'm an excessive person. | ||
| Because you've got a brain. | ||
| You've got a big brain. | ||
| I feel like there's nothing in there toxic. | ||
| I'm going to let this bitch ride. | ||
| What are you afraid of? | ||
| Not afraid of much. | ||
| But I'm definitely not afraid of taking four alpha brains for a show. | ||
| What is alpha brain? | ||
| Alpha brain is a nootropic. | ||
| And if you don't know what nootropic is, I suggest you Google it. | ||
| Google all the people that say that vitamins don't work. | ||
| Google all the people that say nootropics do work. | ||
| Vitamins, nootropics, nutrition. | ||
| There's so many contradicting opinions when it comes to... | ||
| I am no expert. | ||
| I have talked to a fuckload of experts, though, and we've been very fortunate to have some experts on the podcast, experts like Dr. Rhonda Patrick, experts that actually understand nutrition. | ||
| It's a very complicated thing, and there's a lot of, like, you'll read on one website, this is going to kill you, and then another website, this is essential. | ||
| One website says, this prevents cancer. | ||
| Believe in Yourself logos being created right now while we're doing this. | ||
| Hotmails? | ||
| Yeah, it's the black hotmail. | ||
| Anyway, Onnit.com, we sell all sorts of various supplements as well as strength and conditioning equipment. | ||
| All sorts of shit that you can use to benefit your life. | ||
| Our idea behind doing this show is, what's the stuff that I use that I feel makes my life work better? | ||
| Like, what's the things that make my body work better? | ||
| What's the things that make my mind work better? | ||
| And Aubrey and I have sort of a similar idea about that. | ||
| A similar opinion. | ||
| You know, both of us are fascinated by the latest trends in strength and conditioning. | ||
| Both of us... | ||
| This is distracting me. | ||
| All right. | ||
| What do the people see right now? | ||
| They were watching me make a logo, yeah. | ||
| Okay, that is not a fucking commercial, jackass. | ||
| You confusing fuck. | ||
| That's the problem, bro. | ||
| You distract me. | ||
| You can't distract me. | ||
| There's just no way for me to do a logo at the same time. | ||
| No, don't do it. | ||
| Just leave Onnit.com. | ||
| Just leave this little thing scrolling. | ||
| Can't you do all that shit off screen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that possible? | |
| It's not? | ||
| It has to... | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Well. | ||
| Punch drunk's gonna have to wait. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| I'm good with that. | ||
| Onnit.com. | ||
| Go. | ||
| Go there. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGUE and save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| Everything is explained there far better than I can explain to you. | ||
| But one thing I will say is that Onnit has a 100% 30 pill, 90 day money back guarantee on all the controversial shit like Shroom Tech Sport or Alpha Brain. | ||
| Reason being is people are justifiably skeptical about things that claim to enhance cognitive function or things that claim to give you more endurance. | ||
| You should be skeptical. | ||
| There's a lot of bunk shit out there. | ||
| What we at Onnit have done is taken what we believe is the best body of research that explains these supplements, put it up under research, And we've also done our own tests, our own tests on AlphaBrain and ongoing other tests on the other various supplements that we have. | ||
| But all of them are backed by science, and that science is all researched with references, all under the research tab, whether it's for AlphaBrain or for any of the other supplements. | ||
| If you don't think they work and you try them, just say this is bullshit and you get your money back. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| You don't even have to return the product. | ||
| No one's trying to rip you off. | ||
| I'm just trying to sell you shit that I use. | ||
| Your body is made out of food and vitamins are in food and we've isolated certain, not we, obviously not me, I'm retarded, but they have isolated certain things in vitamins that can enhance various parts of your life, whether it's your endurance or whether it's cognitive function. | ||
| All of it, again, explained at Onnit, O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGEN and save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| Oh, that's it. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| That's a website. | ||
| It's an amazingly designed website. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty nice. | ||
| Well, it's cool when you scroll down, it moves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what's really dope is that it's all made in-house. | ||
| The Onnit people that work in the actual studio itself, Aubrey's put together this amazing crew of talented people. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| Oh, it's like one of the best company websites ever. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| These guys kick ass. | ||
| They're creative, too. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty cool. | ||
| Yeah, it's really dope. | ||
| Anyway, Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. That's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sam Tripoli is here. | |
| Hello! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brian doesn't know how to press play. | |
| The Joe Rogan experience. | ||
| He figured it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Train my day. | |
| Joe Rogan podcast my night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Powerful Sam Tripoli. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Back in the saddle. | ||
| Powerful Sam Tripoli with a brand new comedy CD. I brought one for you. | ||
| I know some people don't even have CD players anymore, but I brought it for you. | ||
| This artwork by my buddy. | ||
| And it's called You Can Do This? | ||
| It's called Believe in Yourself. | ||
| It was either that... | ||
| It's either that or I was going to call it Shady Shit, but I didn't think iTunes would let me put that up. | ||
| Believe in Yourself is good. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| Well, if you listen to the album, you get why I call it that, so it's fun. | ||
| Well, I know your material, so I would agree with that thematically. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| It's sort of a fun, having fun with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just goes against the grain. | ||
| The feedback, people have already listened to it, really love it, and I'm... | ||
| I hadn't put on a CD for a while, so I was really excited to put this whole group of Hour of Power together. | ||
| And I did it at the Edmonton Comedy Strip, which is one of my favorite clubs to play. | ||
| Because it's literally the only club where I got off stage and two separate times the owners, one Tammy and one Rick Bronson, would pull me aside and literally go, dude... | ||
| Can you work dirtier? | ||
| And I go, what? | ||
| They go, we would really like you to work dirtier. | ||
| And I'm like, are you crazy? | ||
| That's so ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So then I go up and say, I'm just getting filthy for the sake of getting filthy. | |
| But it's one of Gray's clubs, and I said, you know, this would be a great place to do a CD, so I decided to do it there. | ||
| There are maniacs up there. | ||
| Edmonton's crazy. | ||
| Well, they're living in a place, you know, it gets 50 fucking below zero in the winter there. | ||
| Those are hardy folk. | ||
| And everyone's got cash, because they're fracking. | ||
| Oh yeah, they're all fracking up there. | ||
| Their unemployment is like.0001%. | ||
| They're giving like 12-year-olds jobs because there's not enough people to go around for all the jobs. | ||
| Well, it's interesting too because people that live in that kind of an environment, if you could survive that kind of a winter... | ||
| And you stay, job or no job, if you don't fucking plot and escape, like, you're a different kind of breed. | ||
| Yeah, it's blue collar with money, which is a dangerous situation. | ||
| Well, it's blue collar with money, but it's also people with, like, a certain level of character. | ||
| Like, you have to to get through the winter. | ||
| You can't be too much of a fuck-off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, when shit gets 50 below, you gotta be on your goddamn toes! | ||
| You gotta be on your game! | ||
| Like, if you are a real case... | ||
| Fuck up. | ||
| The kind of guy who like winds up falling asleep in parking lots all the time. | ||
| The security guard finds you at 9 a.m. | ||
| You die! | ||
| That chick that happened to some... | ||
| I don't know where it was, somewhere in the Northeast. | ||
| She passed out on her doorstep. | ||
| And then she woke up and like half her body had all frostbites and they were gonna have to amputate shit because she had passed out on her... | ||
| Who just walked? | ||
| And somebody had to walk by going, I think that girl is dead. | ||
| Nobody says anything. | ||
| She was only 19 also. | ||
| She was a college student. | ||
| Oh, that's awful. | ||
| It's booze, man. | ||
| Especially when you're 19. When you're 19, you don't know how to drink yet. | ||
| You can go way too deep. | ||
| Forget the frostbite. | ||
| She was probably on death's door. | ||
| So how fucked up is her body? | ||
| And she's hot, too. | ||
| How fucked up is her body? | ||
| That makes it even worse. | ||
| Well, scroll up. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| What's the story? | ||
| Hey, this isn't as good as... | ||
| Maylou's limbs. | ||
| Oh, God damn it. | ||
| Her hands were three times the size with her skin split from palm to finger. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| They spent the night playing drinking games with friends during which she lost several rounds... | ||
| Who just drops the chick off like that? | ||
| ...and downed at least ten tequila shots. | ||
| Tweeted earlier that day, tequila shots tonight. | ||
| Yup. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's awful. | ||
| Joe, do you remember a guy named Fast Eddie that used to hang out at the comedy store? | ||
| The Fat Mexican? | ||
| He was called Fast Eddie. | ||
| He's there all the time. | ||
| He was there for his birthday one time. | ||
| Wait, was he a comedian? | ||
| No, he was just one of the guys, a really nice dude who hangs out. | ||
| He used to hang out on the patio. | ||
| Would I know him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many years did he start to hang out there? | ||
| Forever. | ||
| Okay, I probably know him now. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| And it was his birthday, and everyone's buying him shots, and we're driving around, and I mean, he is God. | ||
| He's like, drop me off at the club! | ||
| It's a guy who's like, yeah, we'll drop you off. | ||
| We'll just throw you out of the car and you might die in a dumpster. | ||
| But if it's a chick, nobody lets that happen. | ||
| Everyone's like, no, come on. | ||
| You're too drunk. | ||
| That's not true, depending on what kind of chick it is. | ||
| If it's a giant, mouthy chick who likes to fight, dudes will kick that bitch out of the car and hit the gas. | ||
| Get your ass kicked? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, only bad people would kick anyone out of the car in the fucking winter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, you have to be a really bad person. | ||
| But a guy, you're like, okay, good luck. | ||
| Or, that guy's a total piece of shit. | ||
| He's some loud-mouthed dude who wants to fight cops. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're driving by on a road, and we're like, fuck you, pig! | |
| You're like, put the fucking window down, dude! | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| We were driving, and I just heard my window go down. | ||
| I go, what's up, Eddie? | ||
| He's like... | ||
| And he just all down the side of my window, which is nice. | ||
| He got outside the car and didn't just fill up my backseat with Mexican vomit. | ||
| Have you ever hung out with a dude who doesn't have a whole lot of friends, but he seems like a cool guy? | ||
| And you're like, man, this guy's pretty cool. | ||
| You know, I wonder why nobody's hanging around with this guy. | ||
| Come hang out with us. | ||
| And then the dude gets drunk and just becomes a maniac. | ||
| Fuck you to the bouncers and fucking... | ||
| I mean, there are dudes like that. | ||
| That get just... | ||
| Jekyll and Hyde. | ||
| I used to be way back in the day. | ||
| You used to be? | ||
| You used to be a crazy... | ||
| How do you know you were Jekyll and Hyde? | ||
| Because I knew I'd just get drunk and I was just like... | ||
| But did you feel you becoming Jekyll and Hyde? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you would do it again. | ||
| You know, that's why I don't really drink that much. | ||
| I don't even drink at all, actually. | ||
| But back then, when you would do it, you would like, okay, here it comes. | ||
| Taking my medicine. | ||
| I used to warn people, sometimes I get a little crazy. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I've been around you. | ||
| You were a drunk dude. | ||
| I'm going to be honest with you. | ||
| I don't think you're a Jekyll and Hyde guy. | ||
| You're a minor. | ||
| I'm an old lion now. | ||
| Well, no, no, no. | ||
| I've been around you and you're drunk. | ||
| How long have I fucking known you? | ||
| At least 10 years. | ||
| Probably like 13. I got picked up at the comedy store just around 2000. So during that time, we have all seen each other In a state of, if somebody wanted to have sex with us, it would technically be rape. | ||
| They'd be raping us. | ||
| We've all been in that state. | ||
| We've all seen each other in that state. | ||
| Can't rape to willing, though. | ||
| But you can, according to, there's a lot of people that are actually arguing this. | ||
| So you can rape guys? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They have to say it about guys because you're saying it about women. | ||
| Obviously, they recognize that there's a real issue with that when it comes to being contradictory and being hypocritical. | ||
| If you start saying that if a man has sex with a woman who's had a few drinks, that's rape. | ||
| Well, you have to also conversely say that if a woman has sex with a man who's had a few drinks, that's rape. | ||
| And if you're both drunk, you're raping the shit out of each other. | ||
| That is the weird thing, dude. | ||
| It's a double illegal act. | ||
| Technically, she did rape him, but it's not the same thing. | ||
| It's not technical at all. | ||
| It's not technical at all because she didn't rape him. | ||
| She had sex with a drunk guy. | ||
| And we all know what that is. | ||
| And we add all these goddamn extra layers. | ||
| It doesn't change the actual act of what it is. | ||
| The real problem with defining all these things is this is rape and that is rape and this is privilege and that is... | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Those are all just labels. | ||
| You're putting labels on things that we know exactly what they are. | ||
| If a school teacher blows a 14-year-old, it's not rape. | ||
| I totally agree with you on that. | ||
| And here's the thing. | ||
| If she's gross, it's an issue. | ||
| If she's hot, it's not at all. | ||
| And we all know that to be a fact. | ||
| We all know that if a chick who looks like Tara Patrick winds up blowing some 17-year-old kid, that's not a goddamn crime. | ||
| I mean, yeah, it's going to fuck that kid's head up, but it's not a goddamn crime. | ||
| Nah, in a bad way, though. | ||
| What dude's like, oh my god, Tara Patrick just sucked my dick. | ||
| How is it rape? | ||
| I just, by high-fiving people. | ||
| How is it rape? | ||
| No, I agree with you on that one, but we live in a country where it's like you can't technically have different laws for different people, right? | ||
| We have to apply it. | ||
| I agree with everything you're saying. | ||
| It's good, though. | ||
| It's good that people are that hypocritical because it exposes it. | ||
| A subject like this, which becomes so preposterous when you start talking about it, exposes how crazy it is. | ||
| There are people, men and women, that like to get drunk and fuck. | ||
| If you engage them in that activity, you don't automatically become a rapist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There is a level that you get to that gets rapey. | ||
| Yeah, there is. | ||
| And we all know this. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Label it all you want. | ||
| We all know there's something wrong. | ||
| If someone's really fucked up and blacked out and you say, fuck it. | ||
| And you have sex with them anyway. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| It's awful. | ||
| There's also women that you've met that are so conniving that could probably rape. | ||
| Like, hey, I want to have a Joe Rogan baby. | ||
| And gets you drunk to the point where you fuck them and come at them. | ||
| You forget to wear a condom. | ||
| Yeah, that's totally possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But again, pro-athletes have to take the condom. | |
| They have to grab the condom, take it, put it in the toilet and flush it. | ||
| Because these women will take that condom and squirt that baby. | ||
| And the thought of just having a baby for the... | ||
| For the sake of making money? | ||
| The fact that that's acceptable? | ||
| Well, it's not just that. | ||
| It's definitely that, but I think there's also part of it is having a baby with a guy who ordinarily doesn't want anything more than sex from you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now you connect with him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there's those options. | ||
| There's someone who just wants a baby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's some people that just want a baby. | ||
| There's girls that just like, God damn it, I want a baby. | ||
| I don't give a fuck if this guy wants a baby or not. | ||
| I want a baby. | ||
| You're obviously not supposed to do that. | ||
| You should probably tell the guy. | ||
| You could probably find a guy who's willing to just give you a baby. | ||
| But then it comes back and then there's all that legal stuff. | ||
| Well, there was legal stuff with a guy who got... | ||
| He was a sperm donor. | ||
| He gave sperm to these people. | ||
| They had a kid and then he got sued for child support and he lost because his DNA made the child. | ||
| I mean, this poor guy. | ||
| He wasn't involved in the raising of this kid at all. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| This new thing with the guy from Lost Boys. | ||
| Lost Boys? | ||
| Patrick, the movie. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| He was like the lead vampire. | ||
| His ex-wife, he had donated sperm or some shit like that. | ||
| And she took it and had a kid. | ||
| And then he was trying to get custody, or at least get visitation rights. | ||
| And he finally got... | ||
| Got the right by the judge because he is the father. | ||
| But it's like, that's some crazy shit that you could donate sperm and then it comes all this crazy issues with it. | ||
| Society's just crazy. | ||
| Jason Patrick. | ||
| Yeah, Patrick, right? | ||
| What'd I say? | ||
| I don't think we remembered his name. | ||
| I forgot about that dude. | ||
| Yeah, he was really big, and I think he did Speed 2, and then it just went off the rails. | ||
| He is a John Jock Machado student. | ||
| I've seen him hanging around with John Jock before. | ||
| Takes Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| I love that name, John Jock. | ||
| You can't work at Burger King with the name John Jock. | ||
| You could. | ||
| Yeah, I'm John Jock. | ||
| Jason Patrick closer to be reunited with son. | ||
| Okay, let's not even read this, I'll get sad. | ||
| He's a sperm donor and now he's got a kid? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Well, he was married to this woman, I believe, and she took his sperm and had a child, and now he wants to be in the kid's life. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| Boy, boy, boy. | ||
| That's why when you go to a massage party, they tie the condiment in a knot and throw it in the refrigerator, I think, and sell that shit. | ||
| They don't throw it away. | ||
| They take the condom out of the room. | ||
| Yeah, they don't want your loads, dude. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They nuke your loads. | ||
| They throw them in the microwave and they make Godzilla. | ||
| Red Band's mother load? | ||
| Is that what they're talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's his gold and then their condoms? | |
| They're like, we fucking ain't got it, boys. | ||
| It's all smooth sailing from here. | ||
| What do I got here? | ||
| Calling their friends up. | ||
| What's up, man? | ||
| Dude, what do I got here? | ||
| I'll tell you what I got. | ||
| I got a little rubber baggie of gold. | ||
| This is our ticket out of here. | ||
| I got Red Band cum. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Red Band cum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The guy on Twitter, he got 100,000 followers. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He's a genius. | ||
| That guy's cum. | ||
| He's going to want it back. | ||
| Red Band, man, it's a little more talented than I think people give him credit for. | ||
| I got to work with him recently, and I feel like I never really... | ||
| I mean, it was just fun hanging out with him, and I think he's a little more talented than people get that. | ||
| Why are you saying that while you're looking at him? | ||
| Because I don't think he gets credit. | ||
| You're saying him while you're looking at him. | ||
| That's just weird. | ||
| I am weird, though. | ||
| You are weird. | ||
| I'll give you that. | ||
| I'll give it back. | ||
| I am a weird dude. | ||
| I'm a little crazy, but I got a new CD out. | ||
| Believe in yourself. | ||
| Buy it. | ||
| Is it on iTunes also? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sweet. | |
| And it's on allthingsrecords.com. | ||
| Brian, we talked about this before, but why don't you put together like a set and do like a CD or something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do a digital release. | ||
| You should do that. | ||
| I just need to do more stage time first, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do comedy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Do that shit. | ||
| I can't get spots anywhere in LA. I'm realizing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can. | |
| You just put together your own shows. | ||
| Do those fucking small eye show shows. | ||
| I can tell you where you can go. | ||
| You can go to the John Lovitz. | ||
| You can go to this new club on Hollywood Boulevard. | ||
| There's a bunch of places you can go. | ||
| I mean, if you can't get the store and you can't do the eye... | ||
| I don't know why the improv doesn't put you up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably someone doesn't like his sexiness. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I do believe your man, he makes people very, very intimidated. | ||
| But Vegas is cool. | ||
| You can get spots, though, dude. | ||
| You can get spots. | ||
| You just gotta hustle. | ||
| You gotta hustle. | ||
| It's so hard to hustle and do everything. | ||
| Well, it is. | ||
| You know, that's the issue. | ||
| You gotta decide, what do you like doing? | ||
| You like doing a million other podcasts? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or do you want to do, like, two or three of your podcasts? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I do. | |
| I've cut down on podcasts a lot lately. | ||
| Smart. | ||
| It's focusing on the comedy thing, which is so tiring, because as... | ||
| You know, like, going on the road and finding a spot yourself, doing it at the Doug Stanhope way, getting, like, a rock club and getting the door and doing all... | ||
| It is the most stressful thing ever. | ||
| That's why managers, I get the 10 or 20% that they take, because that shit is just annoying as fuck. | ||
| And it's just hard, though. | ||
| It's stressful and hard. | ||
| I just went to Vegas, and it was such a... | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| The place was amazing, but the... | ||
| Headache around booking it and getting everything. | ||
| Well, you can get somebody, dude. | ||
| You can get somebody to book you. | ||
| It's worth it. | ||
| And they can put you in places where you ordinarily might not have a connection with the guy. | ||
| Have you tried to get a booking agent? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't even know what to do. | ||
| Well, you should get one like that. | ||
| Other comics are doing it, and you're friends with a lot of comics. | ||
| It's not hard to do. | ||
| But once you start doing it on a weekly basis and hammer it in, then the act starts to take shape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I've been blessed, man. | ||
| Lately I've been touring a lot, and it's totally fun when you just keep... | ||
| When you get to work on a joke over and over again, and then all of a sudden you just riff on a new punchline, now it just boom, boom, boom, and it just builds. | ||
| Because I'm trying to now write a new hour to finally shoot something. | ||
| I've never shot an hour special. | ||
| So you want to write an hour additional to that and then shoot it in how much time? | ||
| Well, I'm debating whether I do, like, because I have another CD called Crime Fighter, and that material's really old, but do the best of this and the best of this new stuff I'm doing, and then shoot an hour, or just do a whole new hour. | ||
| You know what I would say? | ||
| Do a whole new hour, because that way people could still find this stuff, and they could still, like, tune to the old stuff. | ||
| Yeah, I'm about 35 minutes into a new hour. | ||
| I made a mistake once of not doing a totally new set because I had certain jokes that were just better. | ||
| Between my Showtime special and then when I did my CD on Comedy Central, there was a couple bits, I don't know how many bits, but there was more than one that crossed over that was just a better bit. | ||
| Now I just stuck it in anyway. | ||
| Not too many people saw the Netflix one because Netflix in 2005 was in its infancy. | ||
| It was a completely different thing. | ||
| But I regret that now. | ||
| I probably shouldn't have done that. | ||
| I probably should have just done totally new. | ||
| But I had better versions of those bits. | ||
| I'm like, God damn it. | ||
| These are so much better. | ||
| I saw your new special. | ||
| It was on YouTube. | ||
| Yeah, people take it and stick it online. | ||
| I don't really try to take it down. | ||
| I've taken it down a couple of times. | ||
| I feel like there's a bunch of bits on there that I hadn't heard before. | ||
| Did you do new stuff in that special? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's some brave ass shit right there. | |
| Putting out new bits on the special, I guess. | ||
| Well, one of the things about doing a podcast is, even if you're not writing during the time that you're doing the podcast, you're thinking about shit in a way, and you're going over, especially if we're doing a podcast like this, like hanging out with comics, just talking shit. | ||
| It's not like someone who's promoting a very specific book Or, you know, about a very specific subject, which is fascinating as well. | ||
| But doing these kind of podcasts, like, you're forced to think for long periods of time. | ||
| And you get ideas. | ||
| And I think it's easier to write. | ||
| I think it's easier to write shit. | ||
| I think there's a bunch of different ways to write. | ||
| But I think that just talking is a way to write, too. | ||
| What is writing? | ||
| It's just coming up with an idea, having a creative idea. | ||
| You get a lot of those just talking. | ||
| It's not the only thing. | ||
| You also get a lot of them doing stand-up. | ||
| You get a lot of them writing stand-up. | ||
| You get a lot of them writing other shit. | ||
| You might write an email to somebody and have a fucking great idea in the middle of... | ||
| Just trying to be silly in an email. | ||
| And you're like, holy shit, that's a bit. | ||
| And then take it, copy, paste it. | ||
| It's just a matter of just being in motion all the time. | ||
| Let's say you write ten bits, how many do you think actually make the act? | ||
| Two. | ||
| Two are worth it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a few that are just like, what was that? | ||
| You just go back over the notes and you're like, the fuck was I thinking, man? | ||
| I try to take everything that happens and I try to turn into a bit. | ||
| And then sometimes you're like, this is going to kill. | ||
| And you go up there and it just flatlines. | ||
| But I also get Bambi legs when I'm doing new material. | ||
| When I have material I know that kills, I just, you know, I'm like Thor throwing, like, fucking hammers of the god. | ||
| And then I get up there and I do this new bit, and it just, like, I get the Bambi legs where my legs start shaking. | ||
| And I start dropping F-bombs. | ||
| And, like, every other word is a fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. | ||
| You can't let that happen. | ||
| See, you know what happens, right? | ||
| You know that that happens. | ||
| And you talk about it, but you let it happen. | ||
| You can never let that happen. | ||
| I try not to. | ||
| Never let it happen. | ||
| You just never let it happen. | ||
| It's not going to happen. | ||
| It's just you can feel the energy of just going, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But when guys do that, like you'll see guys like on the road, especially if you bring a guy on the road that hasn't been on the road before and you see like the first time they go on stage and, you know, fucking Fort Lauderdale or something like that. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Yeah, that's happened to me. | ||
| And a joke doesn't go over well. | ||
| And then the fucks just start flying out. | ||
| And what it is is like they're saying, uh, yep. | ||
| They're like, it's the guy, fucking guy with the fucking thing. | ||
| And the audience does not want to hear that. | ||
| That's like a poor use of words. | ||
| You see that at the Hollywood Improv a lot because a lot of people think that's like the office. | ||
| That's where you go to work when the industry is going to be there. | ||
| And when you're a young comic and it's the first time you get a set there, a lot of them put like this humongous amount of pressure on themselves to do well there. | ||
| I've always felt like as you move up the comedy chain, I feel the gigs kind of get easier. | ||
| The ticket price goes up, and as the ticket price goes up, I always feel like people want to laugh. | ||
| They're like, I'm dropping 50 bucks on this ticket, I'm going to laugh. | ||
| I want to laugh. | ||
| I couldn't disagree more. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't understand why anybody would be more inclined to laugh because they paid a lot more money. | ||
| I think they want to have a good time. | ||
| If you're paying $50 compared to going to a show where it's like, free comedy. | ||
| Okay, that's the difference. | ||
| Because I think that people who go free comedy, they could have done anything else. | ||
| They're not really there for comedy. | ||
| But someone pays for comedy, even if it's $10, whatever it is. | ||
| If they're paying for comedy. | ||
| They're going there to see a show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But there's a big difference between that and, like, we paid $50, we're going to laugh hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I mean, the quality... | ||
| I think it's the opposite. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| When the ticket prices get high, people do a little bit of this. | ||
| Like, how much do I have to fucking pay? | ||
| There's guys out there that charge $150 a ticket. | ||
| I've seen those people. | ||
| $200 a ticket. | ||
| You know? | ||
| There's, like, they have tiered seating. | ||
| Like, the seating in the front is, like, $200. | ||
| Seating behind that is $150. | ||
| And you see people in that audience like this. | ||
| I was just in Pechanga. | ||
| Brian Regan's playing there, and I think it's like, he's like $110. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Something that's up there. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I would pay that to see him. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| I think he's great. | ||
| You know, we talked about that on the podcast before, but apparently we were incorrect when it was about Jay Leno, so we should probably correct this is a good opportunity. | ||
| When you see those super high tickets, those are actually scalpers. | ||
| That's like Ticket Hub and shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, but this was an advertisement on... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In Pechanga. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| But we were talking about Jay Leno. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| And we were quoting like $250 tickets and shit like that. | ||
| Apparently, his tickets are not that expensive. | ||
| It's just that scalpers, they exist. | ||
| I've been doing his spots on Sunday nights at the Comedy Magic Club. | ||
| Oh, he's not doing it anymore? | ||
| Well, he's on the road a lot. | ||
| So I do some of the times when he's not there, I do his spots. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I think you being there is great because it allows it to kind of shift the comedy a little bit. | ||
| Well, they were talking about the differences in the crowds, between my crowds and Jay Leno's crowds. | ||
| It's pretty hilarious. | ||
| I think it's great, man. | ||
| Well, it's a good spot, man. | ||
| I mean, the place has been there for a long time. | ||
| And I'll chow down when I'm there, dude. | ||
| Oh, the food? | ||
| I chow down. | ||
| It's a good club, man. | ||
| I mean, it's a club that's owned by a guy who really has a love of comedy. | ||
| He's a great dude. | ||
| I think he started that club. | ||
| I think he bought it in 1978. I don't know if he started it or if he was the first. | ||
| I think he was the first. | ||
| But either way, it's like a goddamn museum. | ||
| Stop blowing that stinky shit in the air. | ||
| That stuff's gross. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| It's stinky, man. | ||
| It's like spraying perfume in the air at Abercrombie& Fitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fucking gross. | |
| It smells bad. | ||
| You don't do those e-cigarettes? | ||
| I don't want to smell it. | ||
| It's fucking gross. | ||
| Red band, stop it. | ||
| I saw some guy doing that at a restaurant the other day, and it was like, it filled the room with this stinky smoke. | ||
| Oh, they're starting to ban that now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But you can see it. | |
| But I mean, you can see it all over the place, and people are looking around like, is that smoke? | ||
| Like, what is, technically, what the fuck is going on if I have to breathe your shit? | ||
| We're in a gray area. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not legal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's not legal. | ||
| And people are still doing it in restaurants. | ||
| And then nobody... | ||
| It's like, if you lit up a cigar in a restaurant... | ||
| People go nuts. | ||
| They would fucking beat your ass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somebody would kick you out. | ||
| But this guy pulled one of these things out and started puffing it in a restaurant. | ||
| And nobody did anything. | ||
| It was like this weird state of mind. | ||
| Like, are we breathing in smoke? | ||
| It smells. | ||
| It had like a strawberry smell to it or something. | ||
| Icky. | ||
| Yeah, but it isn't smoke, though. | ||
| It's vapor. | ||
| But I don't believe that. | ||
| And it smells like shit to him. | ||
| If it's just vapor, okay, you tell me this. | ||
| What's the difference between you inhaling that vapor and me inhaling that vapor? | ||
| It's going into your body, and you're blowing it out. | ||
| So inside, when you're doing that, it's transporting the nicotine. | ||
| So when it goes out into the air, isn't it also transporting at least some of the nicotine? | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| If it is, it's so small and it's nicotine. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| You can't say that because you're asking other people to ingest your nicotine. | ||
| That's the whole purpose of making secondhand smoke illegal. | ||
| Yeah, but I think it's so small that you won't even feel anything. | ||
| It shouldn't be anything. | ||
| It should be zero. | ||
| It should be zero amount of drugs that you could put in the air that affect other people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, that's not something we have to deal with. | ||
| We don't do that as a... | ||
| I mean, I guess we do. | ||
| I was going to say we don't do it with our bodies, but I guess some chicks give off a fucking drug. | ||
| The perfume? | ||
| Or like when you're in a mall and you go buy a Yankee Candle store? | ||
| No, no, it's not like perfume. | ||
| It's not like perfume. | ||
| You're actually breathing in. | ||
| I see it in the air. | ||
| It's like when you blow that thing out, I can see it. | ||
| It's a fog machine. | ||
| I don't believe that. | ||
| I don't believe that. | ||
| I think there's some of them that are. | ||
| But I think some of them, man, that shit lingers like smoke. | ||
| Like there's some that you see it, like it blows out and within seconds it's gone. | ||
| It just disappears. | ||
| But there's other ones that float around. | ||
| Floating the air. | ||
| And that's the thing they're saying about these e-cigarettes. | ||
| They're saying, look, they're absolutely better for you than regular cigarettes. | ||
| Are you done with cigarettes? | ||
| Health experts are saying this. | ||
| But what they're not saying is all e-cigarettes are equal. | ||
| And what they're not saying is that all cigarettes that are using these little electronic mechanisms have the same mechanism. | ||
| That they act in the same way. | ||
| So when you see what looks like fucking smoke, you're seeing a guy who burnt some tobacco oil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| I mean, that's what it is. | ||
| It might not be plant matter. | ||
| It might be just the oil, but I feel like it's smoke. | ||
| There's no regulated standards that everybody must have the same thing. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not sure enough to really discuss it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the Wild West. | |
| But what I've understood by listening to people talk about it, the standards are very different. | ||
| Like, you can get, like, one, like, a blue e-cigarette. | ||
| Like, if somebody had a blue in this room and they're smoking it, I'm pretty sure that is just vapor. | ||
| Like, that's all you're getting. | ||
| You're inhaling this thing and you're puffing out just vapor. | ||
| But when you buy one of those fucking fire hydrant-looking bitches like Red Van has. | ||
| Those lightsabers. | ||
| With a tuba thing. | ||
| What are those flute things? | ||
| What are those things called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Luca? | |
| Like, a flute. | ||
| When you suck on the end of it, what would the mouthpiece be called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fluke. | |
| Oh, yeah, a fluke. | ||
| No, that's a fish. | ||
| This thing. | ||
| A fluke. | ||
| F-L-U-K-E is a fish. | ||
| Well, maybe it's a fluke in it. | ||
| It's a fish and a mouse piece. | ||
| I thought it was. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| Look it up. | ||
| I thought it was a fluke. | ||
| Wasn't it a flue? | ||
| F-L-U-E? That piece I thought was a fluke, but isn't that a part of a musical instrument? | ||
| It's an F-L-U-E? Yeah, and I think that's why they call it. | ||
| Yeah, that's the same thing. | ||
| Google it time! | ||
| It's Google time! | ||
| It's that little thing you put on the end of a wooden instrument. | ||
| It's also a hot dog joint. | ||
| You ever eat at Flukies? | ||
| The many different words of the English language. | ||
| Well, okay. | ||
| The flying fluke. | ||
| The part of an anchor that catches the ground, especially in the triangular piece at the end of each arm. | ||
| Under anchor. | ||
| A barb or a barbed head of a harpoon, a spear, arrow or the like, and either half of the triangular tail of a whale. | ||
| Okay, there's another. | ||
| There's an accidental, like there's a fluke, like it was a fluke victory. | ||
| That's one. | ||
| That was a fluke. | ||
| Yeah, an accident or chance happening. | ||
| An accidentally successful stroke, such as in billiards. | ||
| It's a fluke shot in billiards, they say. | ||
| Obscure origin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Fluke, like a guess. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Fluke peri. | ||
| Any of several... | ||
| Fluke peri. | ||
| No. | ||
| Fluke peri. | ||
| American flounders. | ||
| I used to catch those when we lived in Massachusetts. | ||
| I used to catch summer flounders. | ||
| They're called flukes. | ||
| And any of a variety of other flat fishes. | ||
| No, it doesn't say that. | ||
| Now let's look up flu. | ||
| F-L-U-E. Because I think that's what we're thinking of. | ||
| Oh, I might be wrong about that, too. | ||
| Flu is a passage or duct for smoke in a chimney. | ||
| So it's a flu. | ||
| It's not a fluke, you fuckheads. | ||
| You ruined the whole thing. | ||
| Any duct or passage for air, gas, or the like, so it has to be that. | ||
| You know what I found, man? | ||
| You know those Green Mountain Grills? | ||
| They make those pellet grills? | ||
| They make a pellet. | ||
| Not Green Mountain Grills, but other companies. | ||
| They make pellet smokers. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You know, you go to the barbecue. | ||
| I've been looking up these smokers, man, because I did that smoky thing with the ham. | ||
| My smoker's kind of whack. | ||
| It fell over in the wind. | ||
| The wind knocked it over, and it's all fucked up now. | ||
| I mean, it worked fine for the moment, but it was kind of a pain in the dick. | ||
| You had to get up every couple hours and stick wood chips in it. | ||
| I thought it would be more self-contained in that. | ||
| But they have these things like Green Mountain Grills. | ||
| The Green Mountain Grill is a pellet smoker, or it's a pellet cooker. | ||
| But they have pellet smokers, too, that work in kind of a different way. | ||
| It's more smoke than it is just the heat from burning the pellets, I guess. | ||
| But you could make ribs and shit on them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When Joey Diaz says that he got the meat sweats, because I got it the other day from eating meat ribs... | ||
| What is that from? | ||
| Because, I mean, it was serious. | ||
| Like, I thought I was having a heart attack after eating because I was getting hot and then shaky and then... | ||
| Your body's just trying to burn off all that extra flesh you just stuffed down your maw. | ||
| And that's what it is. | ||
| Your body's just going, holy shit. | ||
| We ate a fogo de chow. | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| After Eddie's match with Hoyler, and we were sweating like crazy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just dig in when you eat a lot of meat, man. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I did one of those things where I'm driving by the hospital in Burbank, and I'm like, should I just pull over and just wait this out to make sure I don't need to be there soon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Were you thinking you were dying? | ||
| It felt something was not right, man. | ||
| I felt like something was up. | ||
| Are you worried about your health? | ||
| Is that why you're going to the electronic cigarette, or is you just doing this because you're in the studio? | ||
| No, I mostly do electronic cigarette. | ||
| You should only do it. | ||
| The girl I'm with hates it so much. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Good for her. | ||
| What does she hate more, your e-cigarettes or your handjob places? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh. | |
| Jesus, Sam. | ||
| You don't have to spell it out. | ||
| So there's no denial? | ||
| You fucking cock blocker. | ||
| Hey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, well, let me have Sam said. | |
| The robot. | ||
| Hey, listen. | ||
| Sam Tripoli knows what you do. | ||
| He always does that shit, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's been so many times where Sam has said something where I'm like, dude, what are you doing? | |
| Like what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're on stage talking about rub-out maps! | |
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You're the most interesting guy. | ||
| You get mad at me all the time for just bringing up something you talk about on stage. | ||
| He's got a big deal. | ||
| You got like everybody mad at me on Twitter because of something that I just literally just was like, hey, did you see Red Band say this? | ||
| And then the firestorm breaks out. | ||
| Do you not think she's on Twitter? | ||
| She's like a social media person. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| I know I'm out of shape. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Because I was running one day in La Jolla. | ||
| People randomly started cheering me on as I was running down the street. | ||
| Guys on bikes were giving me high fives and thumbs up. | ||
| I was like, dude, I'm just running. | ||
| This isn't like a fucking marathon. | ||
| How do you know that they didn't see you perform at the comedy store there that's right next to La Jolla? | ||
| Or maybe it was so funny seeing your boobs that they were like, yeah! | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Uncalled for. | ||
| Why wouldn't you assume that they knew who you were? | ||
| You were performing in that fucking town. | ||
| How many people do you think are in La Jolla? | ||
| I know, but it was in PB. I know it's the same basic place, but nobody knew who you were. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| This was like a couple weeks ago. | ||
| Sam Tripoli, you are internet famous in a way. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| You have a fucking CD that's number 11 on iTunes. | ||
| Ah, believe in yourself. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, seriously, stop and think about that. | ||
| Are you confused that people would give you the thumbs up if they think you're funny? | ||
| Yeah, I do, but I just feel it was... | ||
| Do you have self-doubt, Sam Tripoli? | ||
| Yes, I'm the house of self-doubt. | ||
| That's where I come from. | ||
| Yes, I do have self-doubt. | ||
| But I really think it more has to do with me looking like I'm barely holding on as I run. | ||
| Well, there's a little of that, but I'm trying to give you a fucking half glass full option. | ||
| And you're not even willing to take it. | ||
| That's some defeatist-type thinking, Sam. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know why. | |
| I just have a feeling it has more to do with the running than the rocking. | ||
| Because you're trying to work in your material about running and people getting... | ||
| That's not true at all! | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Okay, it is a bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little bit of a bit. | |
| A little bit of a something there I know I can ramble with. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Pacific Beach is fucking beautiful, isn't it? | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Why would you live in Cleveland when you could live in PB? People get stuck. | ||
| They don't have enough money to move, and it's scary. | ||
| It's scary to try to relocate to a new spot. | ||
| I would smoke a ton of crack. | ||
| What? | ||
| That way I wouldn't have to eat for like two weeks. | ||
| And I'd just save all my money for a greyhound bus. | ||
| Because everybody knows that crack grows on trees. | ||
| A greyhound? | ||
| I mean, dude. | ||
| Or the crack bush on the corner. | ||
| Imagine if crack did grow on trees. | ||
| It would put crack dealers out of business. | ||
| But everybody would be on crack. | ||
| Everybody would be on crack. | ||
| Can you imagine if that was like a real issue? | ||
| Like crack was just growing everywhere? | ||
| There would be a lot of people on trees. | ||
| There'd be a lot of people that are dead, probably. | ||
| This is a joke on my CD. I was walking my dog next door. | ||
| I have crackheads everywhere. | ||
| I was walking my dog. | ||
| I looked in the trees. | ||
| There were crackheads in the trees. | ||
| That's a true story. | ||
| They were just hanging up out there and there's like five crackheads in these trees. | ||
| That's, you know, you got good crack. | ||
| It's like if you go by a pasture and you see big, fat, healthy cows, that's some good grass. | ||
| Those cows are eating good. | ||
| But if you see a crackhead up in a tree, someone nearby has some really good crack. | ||
| Did you see the video of the jazz band playing jazz and the cows just all walk up and start listening to the band jam? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it was like they had to pull over to take a piss and the guy starts playing his thing and all the cows just start looking. | ||
| And then you see them walk over and they start listening to the band. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| Cows and people have such a fascinating relationship, man. | ||
| That's a weird thing. | ||
| Yeah, we eat them. | ||
| We don't just eat them. | ||
| Very, very, very, very, very, very few people have them as pets. | ||
| And the people that do have them as pets, they usually get something out of them, like milk. | ||
| They milk them. | ||
| And then the big male ones, boy, not really interested in being your friend. | ||
| You got to keep them the fuck away from people. | ||
| You got to cut their balls off at an early age. | ||
| And those are the ones you cook. | ||
| You make your dairy. | ||
| What a fucking weird relationship that these animals have somehow or another sort of developed and been groomed to develop to be these docile giants that we just pick meat from. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So strange. | ||
| I mean, we've accepted it because it's normal, but if human beings, if the concept of eating other animals didn't exist... | ||
| And then, you know, we started introducing the idea. | ||
| We found a better way to get our protein than beans. | ||
| In fact, if you eat animals, animal protein is high in omega-3 fatty acids. | ||
| And we started extolling the virtues of murdering cows and eating them. | ||
| People would be like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| What are you, crazy? | ||
| You can't eat animals! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| You're going to eat animals? | ||
| But because we eat animals all the time, It's just no big deal. | ||
| Totally acceptable. | ||
| It's totally acceptable. | ||
| Mass murder is fine. | ||
| Well, and we just have this thing, well, you know, animals eat animals and fucking they would eat us, which is totally true. | ||
| Yes, they would. | ||
| But it's weird. | ||
| What I'm getting at is it's weird, and it goes back to what we were talking about, about living in Edmonton, because it's weird what people just get used to. | ||
| It's weird that people get used to 50 below zero. | ||
| It's weird that people get used to plowing themselves out of their driveway every day because it snowed a foot and a half overnight while they were sleeping so they have to get up two hours early just so they can get out of their fucking driveway and drive down that slippery road to a job that sucks. | ||
| But people do it. | ||
| They just fucking do it. | ||
| They just accept it. | ||
| They accept it. | ||
| Just like, this is my reality. | ||
| Cold as fuck. | ||
| Even prison. | ||
| That's where it gets really weird, man. | ||
| People accept their prison reality. | ||
| That's why they say that men become institutionalized. | ||
| I guess women as well, probably, right? | ||
| If they're locked up for a long time, they become used to the community and the social interaction. | ||
| Schedule, too? | ||
| Schedule. | ||
| They get used to that world. | ||
| When I say the community, I don't say it's a fucking great community. | ||
| The great NBC show? | ||
| No, I don't mean that either. | ||
| What I meant was that it's like they get used to that sort of structure, that social structure. | ||
| They get used to that world and they're scared. | ||
| And when they get free, they'll commit some stupid little crime where nobody gets hurt, so they get sent back. | ||
| Yeah, that definitely does happen. | ||
| They should have the option, I think. | ||
| To stay in? | ||
| Look, I think if someone's gotten you to the point where you're so fucked up, you want to stay in prison and you don't want to be free, or if you are so fucked up and you have the ability to recognize it, like if you're a child molester or something along those lines, which... | ||
| You know, take away from the horrific act of what molesting a child is. | ||
| It's fucking unbelievably evil. | ||
| Disgusting. | ||
| Disgusting and evil. | ||
| But, imagine... | ||
| I don't understand... | ||
| Like, some people's motivations for things. | ||
| I'm not inside their head. | ||
| I could speculate, but I really couldn't imagine what it's like to be a child molester. | ||
| Someone obviously can. | ||
| Could you imagine being a person who does not want that in them? | ||
| Does not want that whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| That aberration, that fuck-up, that horrible left turn in their mind that makes them want to molest kids, but it's there. | ||
| And so, you know, what if one of them was like, you know what, man, don't let me out. | ||
| Just leave me in here. | ||
| Leave me in here, I'm having a good life, or a good enough life. | ||
| There was a story about a guy who infected women with HIV, and he had infected a bunch of them. | ||
| Because he didn't believe he had it. | ||
| He thought it was BS. Tommy Morrison was saying that, remember? | ||
| But he went to jail, and this guy, they wouldn't let him out. | ||
| They kept him in jail for longer until they figured out what they were going to do with him. | ||
| What can you do? | ||
| How can you stop someone from giving a disease? | ||
| You have it, dude. | ||
| You can't give it to other people. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, people have been giving people the clap from the beginning of time. | ||
| How many fucking people have chlamydia, know they have chlamydia, and still go out and fuck? | ||
| That's got to be rough. | ||
| It's rough. | ||
| But they would do it with AIDS, too, man. | ||
| People would do it with everything. | ||
| Well, obviously, people do give it out because it gets spread around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, how about this fucking Magic Johnson, Donald Sterling thing? | ||
| This whole thing, a part of this whole thing that a lot of people were ignoring was her and the guy, Sterling and her having this conversation, where he was saying, you can go fuck these guys. | ||
| He was like, I don't care what you do with him, fuck him, go out, you know, fuck him. | ||
| Like, you're hanging out with magic. | ||
| Wait a minute, hold on. | ||
| Well, he even said that, he had said that in the Anderson Cooper interview. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That this guy was going around having sex with people when he knew he had HIV. Yeah, he said that in the Anderson Cooper thing. | ||
| And I'd heard that before. | ||
| Well, he probably does. | ||
| But what's crazy is that... | ||
| It's just like everything else. | ||
| It's just like having chlamydia. | ||
| It's just like having herpes. | ||
| It's just like people don't think of HIV, which can be potentially fatal. | ||
| I mean, I guess less fatal now that they have a lot more drugs. | ||
| I think eventually it's just going to be like diabetes almost, but you can give it to somebody. | ||
| I think that's where it's at now, I think. | ||
| You've got to take drugs for it forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Will they ever cure it? | ||
| I think whoever... | ||
| What they should do is whoever's got a billion dollars go, this is a billion dollars. | ||
| They need a lot more than that. | ||
| To cure it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're like, to a scientist that can have this billion dollars if you cure it. | ||
| No. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| The funding in order to make a drug... | ||
| That's capable of doing something as incredible as curing HIV or curing AIDS. I mean, right now they've got them. | ||
| Apparently... | ||
| Now, again, when I'm discussing this, I have zero medical background. | ||
| We're just two dudes talking. | ||
| Two idiots that happen to be dirty comedians. | ||
| One's smarter than the other. | ||
| But we don't have... | ||
| I don't know who the fuck is smart. | ||
| Leave it out there. | ||
| You know big words. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I'm saying, again, it's just the words. | ||
| The actual mechanism behind the smart is very debatable. | ||
| But... | ||
| Look, the bottom line is, I don't know shit about medical science at all. | ||
| So anything that I say about what's good for you and bad for you is just fucking pure speculation. | ||
| However, what I understand is that they've got it down to a point where you don't even test positive. | ||
| For HIV anymore. | ||
| They've had people that are HIV positive, but the drug goes into such remote places and squashes out the virus in such a way that even though you still have it, it's like- And you can transmit it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's the question. | ||
| None of it makes any sense to me. | ||
| It's chaos. | ||
| Viruses don't make any sense to me. | ||
| Bacteria doesn't make any sense to me. | ||
| The fact that you need bacteria makes no fucking sense to me. | ||
| Can, like, a virus, it lives forever? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Some of them they've eradicated and they've come back. | ||
| You know, like, some of them they got... | ||
| Well, that's one of the things that people get so upset about with anti-vaccine people. | ||
| It's like, do you understand that they have taken shit like polio and made it almost non-existent? | ||
| They've taken things like smallpox and made them almost non-existent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What about this, MERS or MAR? Yeah, MERS. Dangerous. | |
| Like, has that always been around, or is that just like something comes out of nowhere? | ||
| And then you gotta be like, oh, it was the Middle East thing. | ||
| How much is this man-made? | ||
| You know, like... | ||
| Well, don't get crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I won't. | |
| I'll stop. | ||
| I'll pull back. | ||
| It's a thing that people do, dude. | ||
| I do have a little bit of information about this, because I did a whole special on it, on that sci-fi show, On Infectious Diseases. | ||
| I got a chance to talk to a lot of these guys. | ||
| They're not making any new diseases. | ||
| They don't have to make any new diseases. | ||
| They have some shit, weaponized smallpox, that if they released, were fucksville. | ||
| They had this stuff in mass quantities in Russia, and that's a fact. | ||
| There's no need to make any new thing like MERS. MERS is not very effective because, look, it's not spreading. | ||
| A very small amount of people have gotten it. | ||
| They were talking about it years ago. | ||
| It's a very dangerous and deadly disease once people get it, but there's not that many people that have it. | ||
| It's a very small, I only think like six people ever have died from it. | ||
| The problem is it's like half the people that get it. | ||
| Is bird flu new? | ||
| Bird flu's not new. | ||
| All of these flus, this is another thing that I found out during the show, almost all of them come from livestock. | ||
| Whether it's the swine flu, whether it's the avian flu, bird flu, all these different flus, a shit ton of them come from the way people raise animals in factory farm traditions. | ||
| And make love to them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a myth. | |
| I thought there was a lot of fucking going on. | ||
| Remember that was the AIDS one with the monkey? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somebody fucked a monkey! | |
| Yeah, Sam Kinison's bit on AIDS was like, at the time, it was so taboo and so wrong, but there's so much of it that was so fucking true and funny. | ||
| The thing where he's like, you know, he's like... | ||
| Sam. | ||
| They say Sam. | ||
| AIDS is a heterosexual disease. | ||
| Straight people die from it too. | ||
| Name one! | ||
| Name one fucking guy! | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| It's not our dance! | ||
| It's not our fucking dance! | ||
| Like, that's a horrible joke. | ||
| It's terrible and mean. | ||
| Who was someone talking about? | ||
| They went back and they watched Eddie Murphy's Delirious or Raw, I forgot, and they were watching it with their kids. | ||
| And then at some point, he had to stop and go, listen, we don't talk like this anymore. | ||
| Because it was very raw, obviously. | ||
| Not just raw. | ||
| The difference between a gay joke and an evil homophobic joke, there's a difference. | ||
| And that used to be pretty normal. | ||
| An evil homophobic joke in the 80s was pretty normal. | ||
| Like, you could get away with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And now it's like, whoa. | ||
| It's like, you can't just shit on someone just for their sexual orientation. | ||
| Yeah, it's gotta be an observation of it. | ||
| I mean, what is the line on that? | ||
| Because I feel like some people think that if you just bring it up, it's homophobic. | ||
| And I just completely disagree with that. | ||
| Yes, I agree with you 100% that the subjects are always going to be completely open. | ||
| You can talk about anything you want on stage. | ||
| People may or may not find it funny. | ||
| The question is, do you find it funny and can you find a way to relay it to an audience? | ||
| If that's your intent, just finding humor in life, there's nothing wrong with that and you can talk about any subject you want. | ||
| But that's not what they were doing back then. | ||
| They were just shitting on gay people. | ||
| Destroying gay people. | ||
| You know, you remember when Sebastian Bach from Skid Row had that t-shirt on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| AIDS kills fags dead? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You could find it. | ||
| Pull up the picture. | ||
| It was a huge controversy. | ||
| It's like, why would you say that? | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| That is as homophobic as you can get. | ||
| That's probably the worst. | ||
| Well, it's just right up there with God Hates Fags, that Phelps guy that died recently. | ||
| Walking around with a shirt on like that, someone thought that was cool. | ||
| It's cooler than not wearing that shirt. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Is there irony lost in the way he's pouting with his gay lips and his fucking Farrah Fawcett hair? | ||
| And just that whole group of that music genre was all dudes who tried to look like chicks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember when you first saw the Poison CD? You're like, those are some smoking hot chicks! | ||
| And your friend's like, dude, those are guys. | ||
| You're like, aww! | ||
| How weird. | ||
| What a weird time in music, man. | ||
| I blame Rob Halford. | ||
| Because Rob Halford of Judas Priest, who was gay as fuck and cool as shit, all-around bad motherfucker, he's such a bad motherfucker that he was wearing obvious gay biker garb, and he got people to think that gay biker garb on stage was something cool. | ||
| Yeah, some manly shit. | ||
| And because he was sort of closeted... | ||
| You know, I guess it was understood in the industry, but they didn't talk about it, but he didn't hide it, you know, it was one of those things. | ||
| It wasn't like Liberace, you know, back in the day, constantly asking when he was going to get married. | ||
| It was a different sort of a scenario, but Rob Halford got, he changed like metal. | ||
| They all started dressing like that. | ||
| They all started dressing like gay bikers. | ||
| And I think that during that time, everybody got so perplexed. | ||
| I think bad gay motherfuckers, just badass gay dudes infiltrated the music business and got everyone to dress like a homo. | ||
| Everyone was wearing spandex tights and their cock was pinned tight to their pants. | ||
| And their makeup. | ||
| Everybody looked like transsexuals. | ||
| But that's not for women. | ||
| Like, that flowing lock thing with the tight pants. | ||
| Chick's like the Marlboro Man, okay? | ||
| They want a guy who's built like Don Frye, who's got, like, they know he's got a six-pack under that, like, fucking cowboy shirt, but they don't want to see it on the outside. | ||
| That's a guy thing. | ||
| Like, guys want to see, like, yoga pants on a chick. | ||
| Like, a girl can walk down the street with yoga pants and a camel toe. | ||
| Totally acceptable. | ||
| If a guy walked down the street with fucking ballet tights on and no shirt, Jesus Christ, is Hugh Jackman... | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Come on, that's not real. | ||
| That guy's face is photoshopped. | ||
| You're so full of shit. | ||
| Look at that guy on the left. | ||
| Tell me his face is photoshopped. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| Look at the lighting. | ||
| The lighting is totally different. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| Their shadows are in the wrong direction. | ||
| Hugh Jackman's shadow is coming towards us. | ||
| This guy's shadow is going towards his left shoulder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, son. | |
| That's not real. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Think that dude's HTH-ing? | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| If he's smart. | ||
| Shred it out, bro. | ||
| We were, for whatever reason, Brian was obsessed with the fact that Hugh Jackman was gay. | ||
| He wouldn't stop talking about it. | ||
| His fucking hands were moving. | ||
| He kept puffing on the glass dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was like, I hear Hugh Jackman's gay. | |
| There's multiple pictures of him holding hands with guys. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| There's multiple pictures of me with big black dicks in my mouth. | ||
| Yeah, but I did it. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Back that up, because one of those look real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go ahead. | |
| Go piss, you weak-blattered son of a bitch. | ||
| Who's the guy with the beard? | ||
| He's a Wolverine fan. | ||
| He's telling them how watching that movie made him cure cancer. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| So Hugh Jackman's the guy on the right. | ||
| Let me see, is he really holding that guy's hand, or is that a perspective thing? | ||
| No, that looked like a perspective thing. | ||
| Who cares if he's gay? | ||
| But it's a weird thing, like a chick can be gay, like a Jodie Foster, and everyone knows she's gay, she's out, it's all good, and she could play... | ||
| Okay, that is super gay. | ||
| God, what a sexy beast he is. | ||
| That's frolic. | ||
| He looks so big. | ||
| But, you know, if a woman like Jodie Foster decides to come out and, you know, proclaims that she's gay, that's not real either. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
| Stop now. | ||
| He's like, woo, I lost my pants. | ||
| What's this guy doing sucking my cock? | ||
| I didn't plan this. | ||
| A woman can still play a heterosexual woman, but a man has a really hard time. | ||
| Unless it's the dude on How I Met Your Mother. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Neil Patrick Harris. | ||
| Neil Patrick Harris is gay. | ||
| Because he's so lovable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he's not just lovable. | ||
| He plays a guy who's like a ladies' man on the show. | ||
| Which is quite hilarious. | ||
| You know why I think though? | ||
| It's a comedy. | ||
| From that Howard Kumar movie where he plays such a pimp, I think that's kind of burnt in people's thoughts still. | ||
| I never saw that movie so I have no idea what that's about. | ||
| The White Castle? | ||
| Never saw it. | ||
| Never? | ||
| No. | ||
| But he's a funny guy and a talented actor. | ||
| I think that's more likely than anything. | ||
| And I think we're in a different time. | ||
| I think people like supporting the idea of a guy being out and open. | ||
| Especially in Hollywood, that's like the place where people... | ||
| But when it comes to movies, movies are a different animal. | ||
| Because movies, you've got to sell tickets. | ||
| You've got to sell hard fucking tickets. | ||
| And if the Midwest... | ||
| No worries, I'm just talking. | ||
| If the Midwest comes over and they see that some big gay guy like Hugh Jackman is in some fucking movie where he's playing the girlfriend to... | ||
| Who's the chick that's always on Sports Illustrated? | ||
| Kate Upton. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| She's playing Kate Upton's husband. | ||
| You're going to be like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Yeah, he's gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that picture. | |
| That's it. | ||
| He wins. | ||
| He's big. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's gay. | |
| He's beautiful. | ||
| He's got it both ways. | ||
| The New York Times apparently wrote a thing about him being bi, right? | ||
| That's what you guys are saying? | ||
| But I think that's just someone's wishful thinking because he does musicals. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you like theater, musical theater, apparently you gotta be gay. | ||
| But imagine if you were straight, how much ass you'd be crushing. | ||
| Because it'd be you, a bunch of gay dudes, and chicks. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| If you were in musical theater? | ||
| Yeah, if you were a straight guy in musical theater. | ||
| You really think women are the primary viewers of musical theater? | ||
| I think there's... | ||
| I mean, acting and dancing... | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Dancers in musical theater? | ||
| Just push your seat back and think this over. | ||
| Put your hand on your chin like this. | ||
| Does that fucking make sense? | ||
| No. | ||
| The whole room is not gay. | ||
| The whole audience isn't gay. | ||
| It's mostly gay and menopausal women. | ||
| That's who goes to see musicals. | ||
| And a few confused young girls who eventually abandon the art form. | ||
| And they just go to rock concerts? | ||
| Yeah, they want to look cool in college. | ||
| They say, oh my god, I love musicals. | ||
| And then they go and they realize musicals are dog shit. | ||
| If it was any good, it would be in a goddamn movie. | ||
| Alright? | ||
| You'd be able to see things happen. | ||
| Real monsters. | ||
| Book of Mormon is amazing. | ||
| Explosions. | ||
| It is. | ||
| But it's more like a comedy performance than it is a musical. | ||
| I mean, they call it a musical. | ||
| But it's really like a sketch comedy performance, like a Saturday Night Live piece that goes on for an hour and a half. | ||
| I mean, that's really what it's like. | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so good. | |
| But to call that a musical? | ||
| No. | ||
| Musicals are drab. | ||
| There's songs in there about romance and love and the two people meet again. | ||
| They're nonsense. | ||
| We have movies now. | ||
| If you want to... | ||
| You tell me Chicago, chicks don't like the musical Chicago? | ||
| They love the dancing and stuff? | ||
| I've seen the musical Chicago, and it is dog shit. | ||
| I know, but you're not the... | ||
| It's dog shit, and I went to watch a very good friend of mine. | ||
| I went to support her and sit there and watch Chicago. | ||
| And when it was the halfway through, we were all sitting around, we were all talking... | ||
| And we're like, so what do you think? | ||
| Well, it's really, really good. | ||
| Like, everybody was like, you know, like hedging the words. | ||
| I go, it's dog shit. | ||
| It's unwatchable dog shit. | ||
| And finally, the older gentleman in the group who we look to for guidance, he goes, I've never been a fan of the art form. | ||
| It's fucking terrible. | ||
| And we were like, it's not good, right? | ||
| Like, what's going on here? | ||
| Like, go see. | ||
| They don't do cats anymore, but if you went to see cats... | ||
| Halfway through Cats, you'd be like, what the fuck am I watching? | ||
| What are you doing to me here? | ||
| This is a murderous assault on my attention span. | ||
| And somehow or another, you've convinced two... | ||
| I'm sure a lot of people think that in my act. | ||
| But that's fine. | ||
| You don't have to go see it. | ||
| Alright? | ||
| Some people like it. | ||
| Some people like cats. | ||
| I get that as well. | ||
| I just don't understand those people. | ||
| At all. | ||
| Have you heard of... | ||
| Have you heard of that movie where guys all act like horses? | ||
| I heard that's pretty sweet. | ||
| I think you should go. | ||
| You should go and give a full... | ||
| Lions King? | ||
| You wouldn't see Lions King? | ||
| Fuck out of here. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I saw Cirque du Soleil and that was dope. | ||
| Cirque du Soleil, because it's like watching the Olympics with music. | ||
| It's like, you're watching people do shit that's impossible. | ||
| Guys are doing handstands, and they have a woman attached to their hand, and they're supporting her. | ||
| They have one hand on the ground, one hand up in the air that's holding a woman. | ||
| You're like, how are you even fucking doing that? | ||
| There's guys that are doing handstands on each other's arms. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| You feel so weak and feeble when you go to see- more so than going to see the UFC. You feel weak and feeble when you go to Cirque du Soleil. | ||
| Because you watch them do things and you're like, how long would it take me to even come close to be able to- fuck, I can't do that. | ||
| If I had those skills, I'd become a ninja. | ||
| Didn't someone die recently at Cirque du Soleil? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They did, right? | ||
| No, it was Ringling Brothers. | ||
| No, no, it was both. | ||
| It was Cirque du Soleil and then there was like nine people that died. | ||
| I went and saw a show where the guy missed the thing, and he just fell, and the whole room was just quiet. | ||
| How was he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He got back up, but man, I'm sure he took a beating off stage. | |
| How far did he fall? | ||
| Only like about six or seven feet, I guess. | ||
| Oh, that's still, man. | ||
| Jump from the ceiling. | ||
| That would fuck you up. | ||
| And fall? | ||
| How tall is that ceiling? | ||
| Is that about eight feet? | ||
| Yeah, it's gotta be more than that. | ||
| Like 10? | ||
| 8? | ||
| 8, 9 to the drop ceiling? | ||
| Let's go 9. Okay, let's go 9. You know, that would suck. | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| And hurt. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| We're so weak. | ||
| My cat is 17 fucking years old. | ||
| I got a cat that I've had forever, man. | ||
| My sister gave him to me. | ||
| Her to me. | ||
| She had a bunch of kittens. | ||
| They were all these wacky kittens. | ||
| And her cat, she had this one cat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wacky kittens. | |
| They lived in this rural place and they didn't fix their cat and their cat wound up getting Fucked by some other cat. | ||
| Oh, I've heard cats fucking outside my door. | ||
| It sounds like murder is going on. | ||
| Well, anybody who does that and releases a male cat, you're creating a real fucking problem. | ||
| An unspayed female cat, you're creating a real fucking problem. | ||
| Feral cats are a fucking huge issue. | ||
| not just because of the fact that they, you know, decimate bird populations and things along those lines, but also because of diseases they carry. | ||
| They're the number one purveyor of this toxoplasma, uh, in toxoplasmosis, uh, bacteria or a disease rather parasite that people have really common in third world countries. | ||
| Dirty pussies. | ||
| It affects your, affects your brain, does a lot of fucked up shit to your brain. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's super common. | ||
| And And it also, the cat shit gets in the meat. | ||
| It's like a real issue with fucking cats. | ||
| Isn't there something about some bacteria or a virus that gets into a mouse's head and tells it to run inside the... | ||
| It's a rat. | ||
| What it does is, I've talked about this many times in this podcast, but it's been a long time, more than a year. | ||
| The way it works is it rewires the rat's sexual reward system. | ||
| It makes the rat attracted, sexually attracted to the smell of cat piss to the point where his testes swell up and he's in estrus. | ||
| He's hurting. | ||
| He's got blue balls because he smells this cat piss. | ||
| Like Red Band on Hot Rod 5000? | ||
| Like Red Band all day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All day. | |
| All day. | ||
| So he's essentially on a double dose of Cialis with an added... | ||
| Acorns. | ||
| Well, it does a weird thing to their fear system. | ||
| It hijacks their fear system, so they're not afraid of cats anymore. | ||
| This video, pull up this video, Brian. | ||
| It's Toxoplasmosis Infected Rat Chases Cat. | ||
| This rat is running after the cat, trying to get some cat piss. | ||
| It's like running up to the cat's ass. | ||
| It has no fear of the cats. | ||
| So, cats eat these rats, and then the cats get it, and apparently it doesn't really affect the behavior of the cats, because cats are evil from the jump. | ||
| They're evil from the jump. | ||
| They're evil from the jump. | ||
| It doesn't make them more evil. | ||
| They don't give a fuck anyway. | ||
| They're like the worst roommate ever. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| Pick up my shit, feed me, I'm outta here. | ||
| This is the video. | ||
| These cats are like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| Now look, this rat, you can kill the language, but this rat starts going towards these cats, and he's like literally trying to get at their bag. | ||
| Give me that butt! | ||
| Look, that rat is not afraid of- he just jumped on that cat's back! | ||
| Look how crazy that is! | ||
| Give me that butt! | ||
| Yo, dude, how crazy is that? | ||
| That rat just jumped on that cat's back. | ||
| They're not afraid of cats at all. | ||
| Like, how does that even happen? | ||
| Rats are gangster, man. | ||
| They really are gangster animals. | ||
| But why does that virus come around or that bacteria, whatever it is? | ||
| And how does that form? | ||
| And how did it know to do that to that mouse and make that happen? | ||
| There's only one answer. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| It is the Jesus, man. | ||
| Jesus is the answer. | ||
| It must be God. | ||
| Why, Jesus? | ||
| Yeah, well, look. | ||
| God has a plan, Sam. | ||
| He has a plan for that cat's ass? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's people right now that are angry. | ||
| They're angry. | ||
| And you know why you're angry? | ||
| You know why you're angry? | ||
| Because what I'm saying makes you feel like what you believe is silly. | ||
| And do you know why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Wait for it. | ||
| Because what you believe is silly. | ||
| Silly talk. | ||
| If it wasn't silly, I wouldn't be able to make you angry. | ||
| If people were joking around about men want to have sex with women, what, because it feels good? | ||
| You'd be like, okay. | ||
| That's the reason why heterophobic doesn't work. | ||
| If homophobic people are looking at us like, ew, what are you, you fuck girls? | ||
| Ew. | ||
| What are you, a breeder? | ||
| Ew. | ||
| You'd be like, okay, you're just being mean. | ||
| You're not hurting my feelings. | ||
| I feel your mean energy, but this shit doesn't work. | ||
| It doesn't change how I feel about life. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's what's going on, Sam. | ||
| I get it, man. | ||
| It's just weird. | ||
| And I was talking about this on stage the other day about how like... | ||
| Is this a bit? | ||
| Are you working on another bit right now? | ||
| No, but I'm just saying that it goes along the lines of what you're saying. | ||
| It's just like, you know, there's all this... | ||
| conservative morals and stuff. | ||
| They don't, oh, you shouldn't do this, shouldn't do that, shouldn't do that, because you've been told this over these years. | ||
| But yet, over the last century or so, most of those thoughts have been debunked, meaning there's places where people allow what you're saying is evil and it's going to ruin society and society's going to crumble. | ||
| People allow this to happen and it doesn't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so, what are you saying about it? | ||
| Because if, like, all this stuff where you're like, you shouldn't pay for sex, you shouldn't do drugs, you shouldn't do all this shit, because it gets the, you know, the God. | ||
| Yeah, in Amsterdam, all that is legal, and there's not fires coming from the skies, and monkey, flying monkeys, teabagging everybody, and, you know, it's just, like, it's been proven that that... | ||
| Well, suppression is not good for people. | ||
| They don't like it. | ||
| It's a bad way to raise children. | ||
| It's a bad way to raise a nation. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's just people don't like suppression. | ||
| It's really that simple. | ||
| They don't like it. | ||
| They get upset. | ||
| You're another person, and you're telling a guy what to do. | ||
| You're telling a guy he can't jerk off. | ||
| What does that guy want to do? | ||
| He wants to jerk off as soon as he gets away from you. | ||
| He wants to bolt doors and just jerk off in privacy and then feel terrible about it and then repent and... | ||
| It just makes no sense. | ||
| You know Kellogg's, the guy from the cereal, Kellogg's cereal? | ||
| You've got to read this book, Sex at Dawn, by this guy, Chris Ryan. | ||
| He's a podcast guest, fascinating guy. | ||
| I've read that book. | ||
| I've done a bunch of podcasts with him and Duncan Trussell. | ||
| He's a really interesting guy. | ||
| But one of the things that he set me hip to was like, Kellogg's, you can find this online, created cornflakes, created mild-tasting food to keep people from getting sexually aroused. | ||
| Said that he lived with his wife for like 40 years and bragged about never having had sex with her, but kept a male intern who would give him daily enemas. | ||
| That's fucking Kellogg's. | ||
| So think about that. | ||
| Repressing sexual thoughts. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| And actively, actively repressing sexual thoughts. | ||
| And yet, obviously fighting off the gay. | ||
| Tooth, claw, and fang. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Obviously fighting off the gay. | ||
| The guy had a male assistant who used to give him animus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That mustache is gay. | |
| He's gay as fuck. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's a cinema face, boy. | ||
| Put a leather paperboy cap on him, and no shirt, and cut off jeans. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You see it. | ||
| Please do. | ||
| Let me do it right now. | ||
| That's your project now. | ||
| I mean, if you see that guy's face... | ||
| What a great podcast. | ||
| You probably get an even better picture of him. | ||
| Where you could go full fucking body. | ||
| And then go with the color-specific thing. | ||
| Don't make it an obvious Photoshop. | ||
| Make it really look real. | ||
| I wonder if she was getting a dick on the side. | ||
| Mrs. Kellogg's. | ||
| Oh, Mrs. Kellogg was fucking her personal trainer. | ||
| They didn't even have personal trainers back then. | ||
| She invented it. | ||
| She invented it. | ||
| She invented it just so she could have somebody touch me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did Jesus touch me? | |
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Well, that's people, man. | ||
| People that are suppressing other people are usually doing it to try to suppress something in themselves. | ||
| That's why a lot of conservatives, I just... | ||
| It's like you're lying. | ||
| I think a lot... | ||
| I'm not judging all, but it's like when you sit there and you say, oh, you shouldn't do this, this, and this, most of the time you're doing this, this, and this. | ||
| You just want to put laws on other people. | ||
| Like... | ||
| I go to Arizona a lot to do gigs, and it's a fun state to do gigs, but they have all these crazy laws. | ||
| Yeah, they party more than anybody I know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's like they're just making laws for other people. | ||
| That doesn't apply to them. | ||
| Why do you think that is? | ||
| What do you think that is? | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I don't know why, man. | ||
| Fear, right? | ||
| It's fear. | ||
| It's also, here's the other problem with fear and this idea of everyone should be loving. | ||
| There's certain folks that are already done. | ||
| See, this is one of the real problems, okay? | ||
| This is one of the real problems with society as a whole, cultural in general, and just human interaction. | ||
| This is one of the real problems. | ||
| Is that some people are already done. | ||
| Somebody's made them, they've done a piss poor job of feeding them, raising them, and then sending them out into the world. | ||
| And they're fucked. | ||
| These people are fucked. | ||
| Out the gate sometimes. | ||
| And if you can run into those people, they can ruin your fucking life. | ||
| And that's a fact. | ||
| There's no way of fixing them either, by the way. | ||
| They might fix themselves, but it depends on the severity of how fucked up they are. | ||
| Some people are too far fucked. | ||
| You never bring them back. | ||
| And those people are out there wandering through the world too. | ||
| When people see that, and they see that you can't treat that with love, and some people say, well, you gotta treat them with love, and they go, oh, you fucking liberals will ruin everything! | ||
| And then you have this division between people that are conservative and that care, and then people who are liberal that care, and the liberal people think the conservatives are cruel, and the conservative people think that the liberals have, you know, some idealized view of the world that doesn't work, and only works because hard men are out there doing the bad deeds to keep the world safe, Yes. | ||
| is it's a mess. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| It's a mess. | ||
| It's constantly changing and it's going on all the time whether you like it or not. | ||
| When we sit in this podcast room for three hours and talk, there's murders and rapes and robberies and car accidents and lies and there's just so many people that it's going on in some way, shape or form. | ||
| Someone's doing something fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And that's why we need to figure out how, first and foremost, how to fix people that are fucked up. | ||
| That should be before we talk about going to Mars, before we talk... | ||
| What we should be concentrating as a whole, as a culture, is not just like... | ||
| Figuring out how to fucking frack or figuring out how to pull out of Afghanistan. | ||
| How do we fix all these fucking crazy people? | ||
| How do we fix them? | ||
| Can you fix them? | ||
| Could it be done with mushrooms and MDMA and electroshock therapy? | ||
| Can we change their blood? | ||
| Can we add artificial fucking genes to their system that induces empathy? | ||
| Is there a way? | ||
| If there's not a way, then we're always going to have this vicious cycle. | ||
| Of dealing with shitty people, shitty people making more shitty people, shitty people fucking shitty people up, people dealing with people who fucked them up, their whole life in therapy, their whole life constantly talking about the abuse that happened to them when they were young because it's defined them as a person. | ||
| And I also feel that there's so many people making money off of shitty people. | ||
| You know, the drug war, the privatized prisons and stuff like that, that you're fighting against this group who, it's not in their best interest that these people get fixed. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's like anything else. | ||
| Anything that comes along, even if it's a legit issue, like... | ||
| Global climate change. | ||
| You know, the real issue that a lot of people have when it comes to global climate change is when you see a guy like Al Gore who's made a fuckload of money off of climate change and people start saying, oh, it's a business. | ||
| These guys, they have a vested interest. | ||
| There's thousands and thousands of people. | ||
| Like, yes. | ||
| But still, the world, the fucking, the climate is changing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, but yes, yes, people are making money off it. | ||
| But it doesn't mean that it's all bullshit. | ||
| Like, there's a lot going on here, man. | ||
| It's not a, it's like almost everything else in life. | ||
| It's not a black and white issue. | ||
| There's a whole lot of different fucking things going on. | ||
| There's, there's people that are bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And then there's a problem. | ||
| And then there's people that are bad that, that profit off of a real problem, too. | ||
| Did you watch the last vice, or two vices ago, when they were doing about the drought in Texas? | ||
| Oh, I didn't see that one. | ||
| And people were just praying to God for this, and then they'd be like, do you believe in global warming? | ||
| Nah, not really. | ||
| But then they would have singing hymns to God. | ||
| It's just so interesting about how people manipulated other people to believe in their best interest. | ||
| Well, it's not just that, though. | ||
| It's also voluntary. | ||
| I've seen people that want to believe that the world is not changing temperature. | ||
| I've seen people that want to believe in global warming simply because it's like the conservative viewpoint. | ||
| They're like, oh, come on. | ||
| Right, because they've been told that from the top. | ||
| You know, I had this guy Randall Carlson on the podcast recently who talked about climate change throughout the history, the known history of the earth, and it was incredibly fascinating. | ||
| And he absolutely believes that human beings and our carbon footprint plays a part. | ||
| In global warming. | ||
| But he said the real issue is there's a lot of other factors that play a part and they have throughout history. | ||
| We're concerning ourselves primarily with what people have done and we have done a fucked up job on this earth. | ||
| He said, I'm more concerned with the particulate matter, like burning coal and pollution and stuff, what it does to our air quality, than I am the actual warming. | ||
| Because he started going off about global cooling and about what it used to be like here on Earth, and it was one of the most terrifying podcasts I've ever listened to. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Because he knows a lot. | ||
| And he's not just making shit up. | ||
| He's talking about ice core samples. | ||
| He's talking about known history. | ||
| Even just the known history. | ||
| Totally non-controversial known history that all scientists accept. | ||
| Is that 10,000 years ago, North America was almost entirely covered with ice. | ||
| And that there was a two mile high thick wall of ice over Canada. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Two miles. | ||
| That is insane! | ||
| It's unbelievably insane. | ||
| It's unbelievably insane and it's a fact. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| It's like this fine line between wanting to know the facts and just like it's out of my hands. | ||
| Dude, he was also talking about some, without a doubt, beyond a shadow of a doubt, factual evidence about the amount of species that used to exist during that time that died off. | ||
| A huge percentage of all the animals that were alive back then are gone. | ||
| That's just 10,000 years ago. | ||
| It was unbelievably scary. | ||
| So it's just a cycle in a weird way. | ||
| Well, it's not just a cycle. | ||
| He believes that it ended abruptly, and it probably ended because of a meteor impact. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| That cycle was like how people dealt with life. | ||
| Just like those people that live up in Edmonton. | ||
| You know, the people that were in a place like Canada, there was nobody there. | ||
| The reason why there's so few fucking people in Canada and they're so cool is because they've only been there for a couple hundred years. | ||
| Everything's fresh and new, like a new chick. | ||
| Yeah, there was fucking nobody there. | ||
| There was Native Americans. | ||
| You know, some of them had ventured up there. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| But most of them... | ||
| Most of them fucking came around the same time that settlers came to North America, the Columbus days. | ||
| That's most of the people that wound up settling up there in Canada. | ||
| Before that, man, not much. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Because a few fucking thousand years ago, it was under ice. | ||
| Two miles. | ||
| Giant, giant glaciers. | ||
| Dude, when I was there, three feet dropped the day I flew in. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Of snow. | ||
| I'm like, this is insane. | ||
| Like, giant walls of snow in between each lane as you're driving. | ||
| Where there should have been, like, traffic little things, man. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Giant walls of snow. | ||
| And occasionally polar bears. | ||
| And occasionally polar bears. | ||
| I haven't seen one in Edmonton. | ||
| Well, in Edmonton, a woman was working on a rig recently. | ||
| She got killed, eaten alive by a black bear. | ||
| What?! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Which is rare. | ||
| Black bears usually don't eat people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But they catch you slipping. | |
| Bears, you know, they'll look at you and go, hmm, I might be able to make this happen. | ||
| Let me chow down on that tasty hot pocket. | ||
| You know what they're really worried about? | ||
| They're really worried about hybrids. | ||
| Grizzlies and polar bears are apparently getting a freak on. | ||
| A little interracial? | ||
| So the hybrids are very different than the regular grizzlies. | ||
| Stronger, Blake Griffins? | ||
| Well, they're more like polar bears who are strictly carnivores. | ||
| So the difference between a grizzly bear and a polar bear is if you see a grizzly bear, that bear might not give a fuck about you. | ||
| If you see a grizzly bear out in the fields and they're eating berries, that bear might just look at you and go, I'm eating. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| It's plenty of food. | ||
| He's not hungry at all. | ||
| So if a bear has a belly full of berries and it's just sitting there chewing along, he doesn't give a fuck at all. | ||
| But if a grizzly bear sees you and you're hungry, is that the guy? | ||
| And you've been hanging out. | ||
| Yeah, he looks pretty gay. | ||
| It's Kellogg. | ||
| Me and Kellogg. | ||
| I like your chest tattoo. | ||
| Yeah, it's very Brock Lesnar. | ||
| It's a new thing I'm working on. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| A polar bear sees you, you better run. | ||
| Is it worth running? | ||
| Because all polar bears do is eat meat. | ||
| That's all they do. | ||
| So anything that's moving, a polar bear is going to eat. | ||
| There's no berries. | ||
| That's why I don't go where polar bears are. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| That's why I go to La Jolla, California. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Where they laugh at me while I run. | ||
| There's a polar bear down in the zoo down there, though. | ||
| Be careful. | ||
| That motherfucker gets out. | ||
| You're doomed. | ||
| He'll find me because he sees how slow I run. | ||
| He'll give you the thumbs up. | ||
| He'll let you go. | ||
| It's like when you see a retarded fish. | ||
| You see a fish swimming sideways. | ||
| You don't try to snag it. | ||
| Let that one go. | ||
| Let that one go downriver. | ||
| Do you see all the sardines that are washing up in Venice right now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because the water got so hot that it's oxygen? | |
| Tons and tons. | ||
| And so now sharks are just dying and all these fish keep are dying because there's no oxygen because there's so many sardines. | ||
| Yeah, they call that dead zones apparently. | ||
| It happens all the time in the ocean. | ||
| It smells like asshole. | ||
| Yeah, it's bad. | ||
| Not good asshole either. | ||
| They found out a way that they think they're going to be able to bring back plant vegetation and shit in the ocean and sort of reseed areas and re-oxygenate the ocean. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oxygenate. | |
| And it involves dumping iron in the water. | ||
| Like iron scraps and iron. | ||
| It's a really interesting thing. | ||
| I read about it. | ||
| I'll pull it up. | ||
| The idea was that dumping iron into the ocean would increase the amount of plankton and that all these plants would grow off of the rusting iron. | ||
| The metal in the iron would actually facilitate plant life. | ||
| Yeah, and that plant life would develop more oxygen in the ocean. | ||
| It was really kind of interesting shit, man. | ||
| Dumping iron in the ocean. | ||
| There are some people way smarter than I am. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, in this room. | ||
| Dude, I'm a human being. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I hear you. | ||
| I have feelings. | ||
| I know you do. | ||
| Thank you, dude. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| What do you need? | ||
| A cookie? | ||
| There, I put you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay, stop. | ||
| That's enough. | ||
| Yeah, adding iron to the oceans, they're slowing down global warming. | ||
| This is the idea. | ||
| And they're throwing... | ||
| This is a weird fucking idea, but it kind of makes sense. | ||
| The premise is simple. | ||
| It says, Iron acts as a fertilizer for many plants, and some, like the phytoplankton that forms the baseline of marine food web, need to grow. | ||
| They need it to grow, and adding iron to the water stimulates phytoplankton growth, which in turn gobble up carbon dioxide through photosynthesis. | ||
| This results in a decrease in carbon dioxide... | ||
| And it reduces temperature since carbon dioxide is one of the main gases responsible for trapping heat on the Earth's surface through the greenhouse effect. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| That's interesting shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's the other thing that this guy, Randall Carlson, was talking about is how this increase in carbon dioxide that we have, they're also directly correlating it with an increase in plant growth. | ||
| Which is kind of fucked, because we always think of people adding carbon dioxide to the air being a poison, and they were poisoning the air. | ||
| But the reality is that plants need carbon dioxide to grow. | ||
| So it's not saying that you should go out and burn carbon dioxide to fucking help the plants, but... | ||
| It's one of those things, again, where it's not black and white. | ||
| There's a lot of shit going on. | ||
| Well, isn't it that they're deforestation, they're cutting down the plants, meaning there's less plants to take in the CO2 and that's where the problem is right now? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's no. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But what he's saying is there's more forest than before. | ||
| That forests are actually increasing in size. | ||
| And there's more plants. | ||
| The plant growth is actually increasing because of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. | ||
| There's definitely a concern that people have like in the Amazon, a lot of different places that people are chopping down. | ||
| The real problem with what they're doing in the Amazon is that they're changing the whole weather system in those places. | ||
| Because these plants, they're responsible for like, the whole ecosystem is wrapped around these plants. | ||
| And you chop them down, then you have these dry areas just exposed to the sun. | ||
| Where they weren't exposed to the sun before because there's this deep canopy of leaves and the rain, the moisture stays there. | ||
| Yeah, this is just flat. | ||
| And so then it becomes, they don't have the root system, so then you get mudslides, and then the ground, it becomes very difficult to grow crops on it. | ||
| It's really kind of fucking crazy, like, what they're doing. | ||
| They're just chopping down trees, and thousands and thousands of acres, just... | ||
| Deforestation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| What about cows farting? | ||
| Do you ever buy into that, that that's a big problem? | ||
| I always feel like they just picked something that they could blame it on, and... | ||
| Like, there's way more people... | ||
| No, but the amount of impact that a cow has is way more powerful than the amount of impact that a person has. | ||
| But there's way more people! | ||
| Yes, cow farts are dangerous. | ||
| Like for every cow, there's probably what? | ||
| 100, 200, 300, 400 people? | ||
| I don't know, but here it says- My dad can crush the ecosystem. | ||
| Scientists say cow farts are more dangerous than they feared. | ||
| This is true, man. | ||
| This is a real study. | ||
| The study has revealed that the amount of methane, a greenhouse gas, 20 times more potent but far less prevalent than CO2. So it would be 20 cows to every person to balance that out. | ||
| Or 20 people to every cow, rather, to balance that out. | ||
| Because it's 20 times more potent if a cow was the size of a person. | ||
| But a cow is way bigger than a person, so it's even more. | ||
| So a cow is probably five times bigger than a person. | ||
| So instead of 20 times, it's probably 100 times more impact. | ||
| That's my... | ||
| A cow fart is destroying the environment. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Two times more potent, far less prevalent than CO2. | ||
| Released into the U.S. atmosphere, it's significantly higher than previously thought. | ||
| We find greenhouse gas emissions from agriculture and fossil fuel extraction and processing, i.e. oil, oil or natural gas, are likely a factor of two or greater than cited in existing studies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| So agriculture just by itself is a big impact. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cows. | ||
|
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|
Methane. | |
| Methane is a fucking issue, though, man. | ||
| When I used to visit my parents, my parents used to live in Pennsylvania and I just drive from New York to rural Pennsylvania and there's this stretch of highway where it's all farms, dairy farms and slaughterhouses and shit. | ||
| I guess it's all cows. | ||
| It's unbelievably bad smelling. | ||
| Like you can't imagine these poor fucking people that have to live in these areas. | ||
| And it was hot. | ||
| It was in the summer. | ||
| Some people just accept that. | ||
| It goes back to Edmonton. | ||
| Some people just accept that. | ||
| I'm from kind of that area. | ||
| I'm from Cortland, New York, which is Pennsylvania and Cortland are the same kind of country. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I have tons of cows in my hometown, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I didn't realize how redneck my hometown was until I left it. | ||
| What does it smell like when you go back? | ||
| Because they say that olfactory senses, like the sense of smell, is something that alters. | ||
| It only picks up alterations in smell. | ||
| It doesn't pick up constant smells. | ||
| So if you live in a town, a town stinks. | ||
| Like some of those industrial pollution places in New Jersey, when you're driving through New Jersey and you smell industrial pollution, those towns, they don't smell it. | ||
| You only smell it because you're driving from fresh air or reasonably fresh air into that area. | ||
| That's how it used to be when I went to Niagara Falls. | ||
| They had this giant factory called Hooker Chemicals. | ||
| And that's what the name of it was. | ||
| Hooker Chemicals. | ||
| And you would drive in and you're like, this stinks. | ||
| Like paper plants. | ||
| Paper plants stink. | ||
| Like up in Portland. | ||
| Now here's the thing about Hooker Chemicals. | ||
| It's pretty much been closed down. | ||
| But they won't completely close it down. | ||
| Because if they completely close it down, then they're going to have to go through and clean it up. | ||
| The environmental cleanup. | ||
| So they just keep like... | ||
| 30 employees in this giant factory that's just huge and they just keep it open. | ||
| Because it's cheaper for them to do that than it is for them to hire someone to come in and clean it up. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| There was something, Love Canal, do you remember the old Love Canal thing? | ||
| That's Hooker Chemicals. | ||
| They dumped all these... | ||
| That's the same company? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And they're still open? | ||
| Yeah, and they won't close it down because then they have to clean up the environmental mistakes. | ||
| That's awful. | ||
| That's weird that they let him get away with that. | ||
| Well, yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Is it because it's like one of those legacy companies because it's been around for a long time? | ||
| I think that's just probably the rule. | ||
| If you demolish or shut something down, you've got to clean it up so it's environmentally safe. | ||
| And so these guys just keep it going because it's cheaper to do that. | ||
| That is so fucked up. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Well, it's the same thing with like... | ||
| Right. | ||
| They'd like they knew forever. | ||
| Don't they do this somewhere? | ||
| They like they guesstimate how much it would cost to do a recall versus how much it would cost to go to court. | ||
| And if really, yeah, if something's cheaper, they go with the cheaper option. | ||
| Oh man, I'm not sure dude, I'm not sure. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I'm not sure about that. | ||
| I think they do do that. | ||
| I think that was the big thing on... | ||
| What was the... | ||
| You gotta pull that shit up. | ||
| You can't just say that. | ||
| That is, if it's cheaper to go to court, they'll go to court. | ||
| But if it's... | ||
| Oh, you shut the fuck up, dude. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| Okay, I'll shut up. | ||
| You gotta Google that. | ||
| You can't say that. | ||
| You can't say that when it comes to cars, man. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Comes to any major corporation. | ||
| They'll do the... | ||
| What's gonna cost us more? | ||
| A recall or going to court? | ||
| If a recall's cheaper, they'll do that. | ||
| If court's cheaper, they'll go to... | ||
| I've heard it. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| You can't just say that. | ||
| When you say something like that, you've got to really know what you're saying. | ||
| I do. | ||
| But you're saying GM. You're saying a specific company. | ||
| Somebody might have gotten in trouble for some sort of recall, but it couldn't have been a safety issue. | ||
| Google that. | ||
| Okay, I'll Google it right now. | ||
| Somebody Google it. | ||
| GM avoids recalls. | ||
| Google whether corporations decide whether recall or court is cheaper. | ||
| They go with the cheaper option. | ||
| Can you do that? | ||
| I'm doing that right now. | ||
| It seems like it's from a movie because I remember something like that. | ||
| Like, right now, there's not enough people that are having the problem, so we're not going to worry about it. | ||
| Yeah, they guesimate if it's cheaper for them to... | ||
| Yeah, but you can't just say that. | ||
| Here's the problem with just saying something like that. | ||
| You have to really know what the fuck you're saying. | ||
| You've got to really know what you're saying. | ||
| Because if you just say it, then you don't have to do that anymore. | ||
| It's 2014. You can actually find out. | ||
| So if you want to talk about something, and you want to talk about something as serious as someone not doing a recall, because they'd rather just get sued because they can save money that way, you've got to know what the fuck you're saying. | ||
| But I'm saying that I know that. | ||
| But you don't know that because you're not pulling up any facts. | ||
| You're not stating any facts. | ||
| I got it in here. | ||
| The supercomputer. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| With this great haircut. | ||
| What you're doing is some legacy shit. | ||
| You don't have to do that anymore. | ||
| You have a fucking iPhone. | ||
| You know how to get online. | ||
| The battery's dead. | ||
| Oh, well plug it in, son. | ||
| Well, it's the old one. | ||
| Oh, well you fucking cheap bastard. | ||
|
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|
Get a new one. | |
| I'm going to go get a new one when I get done. | ||
| Well, I'm sure there's been some problems with oversight. | ||
| I'm sure there's been some problems with recalls. | ||
| But saying that they actively got together and said, hey, let's just not recall these things and roll our chances with the lawsuit because the study has shown that we can save money if we go that route. | ||
| I believe that's what happens. | ||
| You can't just say that. | ||
| Okay, I will not say that what I just said. | ||
| That's how you get sued. | ||
| I understand that. | ||
| You can get sued, Sam. | ||
| What if GM comes down with the hammer of the law? | ||
| Well, they can take what I don't have. | ||
| Why would you say that? | ||
| You have a number 11 on the fucking iTunes charts right now. | ||
| It's called You Can Do It. | ||
| Do me for the move. | ||
| Believe in yourself. | ||
| Believe in yourself. | ||
| Go Rocky. | ||
| Win, Rocky. | ||
| Believe in yourself. | ||
| Believe in yourself. | ||
| Have you ever thought about doing a song, like a wacky song to go along with? | ||
| No. | ||
| I do like Red Band's great songs, though. | ||
| He should do some live music songs. | ||
| GM says, safety is our top priority, and today's announcement puts all manufacturers on notice. | ||
| That they will be held accountable if they fail to quickly report and address safety-related defects. | ||
| This is U.S. Transportation Secretary Anthony Fox with two X's. | ||
| He said he would continue to aggressively monitor GM efforts in this case and called on Congress to support a move to increase the penalties the regulator can levy in cases like this from a maximum of $35 million to $300 million. | ||
| Sending an even stronger message that delays will not be tolerated. | ||
| So this is what they're saying. | ||
| The GM was fined $35 million and agreed to take part in an unprecedented oversight requirements on Friday over its massive recall of cars with faulty ignition switches that have been linked to 13 deaths. | ||
| The U.S. Department of Transportation imposed the record civil penalty for the automaker's failure to report a safety defect in the vehicle to the federal government in a timely manner. | ||
| So they didn't report it in time. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Did they find out that it was bad and didn't report it in time? | ||
| Have you seen John Oliver's new show? | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| We should figure this out because we've been talking about this for a while. | ||
| It has something to do with that. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Talk. | ||
| I found an article to help you out, Sam. | ||
| On justice.org, they all knew and failed to PDF. It's called They Knew and Failed To. | ||
| And these are true stories of corporations that knew their products were dangerous, sometimes deadly, but they failed to do anything about it. | ||
| And one of the things it says is a car company that discovers that if it does not spend $11 per car to fix a defect, hundreds of people will be horribly burned and decides it would be cheaper to let them burn. | ||
| What company did that? | ||
| I don't know, but it's on justice.org, though. | ||
| There's a whole PDF. But wait a minute. | ||
| We've got to read that. | ||
| It actually says that? | ||
| Yeah, right here. | ||
| But what company? | ||
| A car company? | ||
| It just says a car company? | ||
| And it goes through all of it. | ||
| Here's medical devices, like heart defibrillators. | ||
| What is the title of it again? | ||
| It's called They Knew and Failed To. | ||
| True stories of corporations that knew their products were dangerous, sometimes deadly. | ||
| So as far as this GM thing, it looks like they definitely fucked up. | ||
| Well, you know, the reason I brought up John Oliver, because he was talking about these memos in which they would tell their employees words they could not use. | ||
| And it's crazy. | ||
| Like, they knew that these were death traps. | ||
| And that they were telling their employees, you know, you can't say certain words about the cars to describe the cars. | ||
| And they were like insane words, like Kevorkian-esque and stuff like that. | ||
| Here's one from Firestone Tires. | ||
| I guess that they... | ||
| They knew their tires were bad? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember that too, I think. | ||
| They finally announced... | ||
| They knew about it in 1997 and then finally announced in 2000s... | ||
| You know, I think that that was a different era. | ||
| You know, that sounds crazy, but 1996, 1997, like comparing that to 2014, I mean, I know that was only 20 years ago or 18 years ago, but isn't it fascinating that that might as well have been 100 fucking years ago? | ||
| Because that was all pre-internet. | ||
| Especially in terms of the internet. | ||
| Ford Pinto, remember the Pinto when it used to blow up all the time? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| They found out, they actually had a chart where it says that 180 burn deaths would be 200,000 per death, and then they just added up how much it would cost to recall. | ||
| $11 per car with what looks like 11 million cars. | ||
| Also, they calculated severe burns, serious burns. | ||
| 2,100 burned vehicles, and it all came to 49.5 million. | ||
| But if you recall, 11 million cars came to 137 million. | ||
| Oh my god, those guns. | ||
| That's unbelievable. | ||
| You know, the whole thing was that GM was training their people, their employees, how to answer these questions, how to deflect, how to do all this stuff, because they knew they had a faulty thing. | ||
| And when was this? | ||
| This was when they discovered the faulty part in their car. | ||
| Yeah, well, the actual thing was an ignition switch that disabled the airbags. | ||
| And the Chevy Cobalt and the Saturn Ion. | ||
| Didn't you have a Saturn Ion? | ||
| What do you have? | ||
| Did you have one of those a long time ago? | ||
| A Saturn something? | ||
| Oh, a Saturn L200. Oh, and the Ion and the Cobalt. | ||
| They knew about it for 10 years. | ||
| Chevy Malibu. | ||
| General Motors knew for several decades that the placement of the fuel tank in the Chevy Malibu created a big risk exploding in the event of a rear collision. | ||
| So for a couple decades they knew that was. | ||
| I never even heard about that with the Malibu. | ||
| I always heard it with the Pinto. | ||
| That was like a joke. | ||
| The Pinto would blow up. | ||
| That was a fucking joke. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| I saw someone use the Pinto as a punchline the other day, and I'm like, dude, nobody gets that reference. | ||
| It's kind of a hipster ironic one. | ||
| At this point, it's kind of hipster ironic. | ||
| It's like old Milwaukee beer. | ||
| Yeah, so I mean, that's just crazy is when people start picking cash over life. | ||
| That makes it sad. | ||
| Well, it's just fucking evil. | ||
| Now, that paper that you saw, that was an internal paper? | ||
| Is that what that was? | ||
| Yeah, this is actually from court records where... | ||
| GM actually decided that they could have up to 500 fatalities per year. | ||
| Each fatality is valued at $200,000. | ||
| There are approximately 41 million GM automobiles currently operating on the U.S. highways. | ||
| And so they were like, you know, doing the math. | ||
| Okay, but were they doing the math about a particular issue? | ||
| Chevy Malibu, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that Malibu that blows up. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's so awful. | ||
| I don't want to ever buy a Chevy again. | ||
| I don't want to ever buy a Ford again either. | ||
| Because the Ford fucking Pinto... | ||
| It's not the same people anymore, obviously. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Obviously. | |
| It's a totally different group of people. | ||
| But still, it's like, okay, what is it? | ||
| Do we recall? | ||
| Or is it going to be cheaper just to go to court and deal with lawsuits? | ||
| That's what sucks. | ||
| It's kind of like... | ||
| It's kind of like one of those things that I don't think is going to be around in the future. | ||
| I think with WikiLeaks and shit along these lines, you're not going to be able to get away with that. | ||
| You're not going to be able to get away with saying that someone's life is worth $200,000, and so we have X amount of dollars invested here. | ||
| We would save $50 million if we just let these people burn. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| They should hang them by their ankles in a fucking room full of rats. | ||
| Do you think there's a level of psychopath that you have to get to be super high up in a corporation where people become just numbers? | ||
| I think people definitely can justify a lot of shit. | ||
| Like, you have to detach from humanity and look at people as numbers and resources and all that. | ||
| Whether it's super high up in military, super high up in corporations, any corporations. | ||
| I'm not just saying, like, you know, oil corporations. | ||
| Even just, like, high up in entertainment. | ||
| Like, you know, it's like sometimes... | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| No, you don't have to be there. | ||
| But definitely a lot of the people that get there are... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think that's all, a lot of that is going to be in the past. | ||
| I think it's still going on right now to a certain extent, but transparency is making it more and more difficult to get away with shit like that. | ||
| You know, it's just, it's going to make it more and more difficult to hide what the fuck you did. | ||
| You know, and when we're talking about things like this, I don't I don't think you can hide this anymore, man. | ||
| That's why, you know, going back to what we're talking about, all the hackers and all that stuff, that's why, like, when this net neutrality stuff is coming up, I'm like, I just don't think the hackers will let that happen. | ||
| Well, they're gonna have to for a while, but they're already fighting back. | ||
| One dude hacked into the... | ||
| FCC? SEC? SEC, right? | ||
| That's what it is? | ||
| FCC? No. | ||
| Federal Communications? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Are they responsible for the internet? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they're the ones making whether they're going to let Time Warner and... | ||
| What was the other one? | ||
| Verizon. | ||
| Verizon. | ||
| Whatever one's going to be huge. | ||
| AT&T's about to buy DirecTV. | ||
| Yeah, and they're freaking out about that. | ||
| But doesn't that go... | ||
| Who does that go back to? | ||
| Was that Clinton that just made it? | ||
| So they could consolidate more? | ||
| I don't know who did that. | ||
| But the point about what they're doing with the FCC is that these hackers attacked the SEC's website and turned the FCC website down to 28.8. | ||
| Like an old school 28-bit modem. | ||
| So they throttled them down. | ||
| I love this. | ||
| This is what it's like, stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you can't do this. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, well, basically making it so, you know, certain websites you can get to quicker and then if they want to find mine, it's going to take forever for them to find where it is. | ||
| It's evil. | ||
| It's evil and it's just another opportunity that people have to corrupt something to make some money off of it. | ||
| So people do. | ||
| If you let them. | ||
| If you let them. | ||
| But I think transparency, again, this is something they would have pulled off in the 80s like that. | ||
| No one would have had a say about it. | ||
| No one would have even known about it. | ||
| Maybe a few protests on schools. | ||
| You'd be walking through the campus and someone would be like, save net neutrality. | ||
| You'd be like, save the whales, save the seals. | ||
| I've got to go to class. | ||
| You would sort of be into it for a little bit but not really totally understand it. | ||
| Whereas now it's hitting your email every day, Twitter every day. | ||
| I'm constantly hearing about net neutrality. | ||
| I'm constantly hearing about it. | ||
| So it's this different thing where I think today it's way harder to cover shit up. | ||
| And the people that are involved, the last thing those motherfuckers want to do is be up for any public office or applying for any sort of a job. | ||
| Explain your role about eliminating net neutrality and what was your position? | ||
| Well, isn't the guy who's in charge of the FCC used to work at Time Warner or something where he was high up in... | ||
| Sam is the king of, has sort of an idea of what's going on in his head. | ||
| Isn't the guy who wears the dresses? | ||
| Isn't Wolverine holding hands with guys? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've been right so far, though, with the exception of the Wolverine. | |
| I've been right on everything else. | ||
| You might be right about Wolverine. | ||
| And you know where you got the car thing from, by the way? | ||
| Where it costs money? | ||
| I think you got that from Fight Club. | ||
| Because Edward Norton's character actually says that. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| No, there was somewhere else. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I read that. | |
| I read that. | ||
| I read occasionally. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| How often do you read? | ||
| Right now I'm reading that book about the guy who thought his dad might have been the Zodiac Killer. | ||
| Have you seen that book? | ||
| Oh, are you really reading that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, he's not the first. | ||
| There's been several other people that have read the books thinking that their dads were the Zodiac Killer. | ||
| But have you seen the picture of his dad versus the sketch? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's identical. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Imagine if your dad was out killing other people and you were worried that he was going to get you, but you wanted to keep your mouth shut about him killing other people because he's your dad. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Well, the marketing worked because I bought the book. | ||
| Did you hear about that killer, the guy from S.H.I.E.L.D. that just killed his wife in front of the kids today? | ||
| What? | ||
| The one actor? | ||
| The S.H.I.E.L.D.? Yeah, I think he was the guy. | ||
| He was the black cop. | ||
| This guy right here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Remember? | ||
| No fucking way. | ||
| Yeah, it was on the news last night. | ||
| They showed him handcuffed. | ||
| Oh my god, no. | ||
| He killed his wife? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In front of their kids? | ||
| In front of their kids and was over money problems. | ||
| I guess he filed for bankruptcy recently. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He had stopped paying off his house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| What is it about people? | ||
| I shot my wife. | ||
| How do people get to that place where they can kill somebody that they loved? | ||
| At least at one point in time, loved. | ||
| How do you get so low? | ||
| Bankruptcy problems? | ||
| Really? | ||
| You got to the point where you were on fucking the shield. | ||
| Sometimes, though, you don't get back. | ||
| Yeah, but he was on one of the best cop shows ever. | ||
| So you don't get back. | ||
| Do you see a fucking guy who just has a normal life, freaking out? | ||
| Because he... | ||
| Wow, look at him there, man. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| You imagine how crazy that guy has to be to have just shot his fucking wife. | ||
| He goes from being on, like, one of the all-time greatest cop shows, has a crazy role on it, a really good role. | ||
| Like, he was the gay guy, remember? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Man, you think that's drugs also? | ||
| Who knows, man. | ||
| I've heard stories about that. | ||
| People ODing and their kids are in the house. | ||
| Guy hanging themselves. | ||
| Kids are in the house. | ||
| It's like, what are you doing, dude? | ||
| Killing the wife, man. | ||
| It's so much more common than the wife killing the husband. | ||
| It's fucking awful. | ||
| Awful shit, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess he filed bankruptcy and his house was about to go in foreclosure. | |
| Oh, better kill my wife. | ||
| It's not like I could get a job. | ||
| Poor kids. | ||
| It's like the thing where people hit that wall where they don't have any other solution. | ||
| And, you know, someone will say, oh, it's depression. | ||
| Yeah, okay, I get it. | ||
| But how does it make you kill somebody? | ||
| Now there's no solution. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, because he called 911 and said it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's going to be used against him. | ||
| I mean, like, what are you going to do? | ||
| Oh, who knows, man. | ||
| Like, what do you deal with that? | ||
| I mean, it's like, I'm not married, man. | ||
| I've just seen these guys, these married guys that are just like, the only way out is to off, and it's always the husband. | ||
| It's always the someone you know. | ||
| It's like, so funny because... | ||
| Well, it's not always the husband. | ||
| I mean, it's more often the husband. | ||
| More often, yes. | ||
| The only people that I know were the guy and the woman, you know, was Phil Hartman, was killed by his wife. | ||
| Wasn't she... | ||
| Wasn't she what? | ||
| Yes, she was. | ||
| I heard that. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Heard it all day. | ||
| All day? | ||
| Whatever it was. | ||
| She was on Zoloft and cocaine. | ||
| Wasn't she an escort? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm sure people have alleged that. | ||
| But, you know, if you go and fuck a guy for dinner, basically you're an escort. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A lot of escorts out there. | ||
| God bless them. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of girls that go on dates with guys. | ||
| Just for a free meal? | ||
| Wind up fucking them just because they feel bad. | ||
| The guy went out and bought drinks and dinner. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| It does happen. | ||
| I don't encourage it, but it does happen. | ||
| You don't need to fuck a guy for dinner. | ||
| Joey Diaz has a funny joke about that. | ||
| About the Liberace movie. | ||
| I don't think he does it anymore, but he goes, if somebody buys you dinner, he goes, you don't have to fuck them. | ||
| But if you fly a person out somewhere, he's talking about Liberace flying that guy out to Vegas. | ||
| He goes, you fly out, someone's getting their dick sucked. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| Yeah, there's a difference between someone visiting you. | ||
| That's like what people always have an issue with, like a girl flying out to hang out with a guy and stay the weekend. | ||
| I've had that, comics, I've heard that happen to them. | ||
| Like, they meet a girl on the road, like, man, I think she's really cool, like, she's gonna come out and visit me, we'll see what's up, and the girl flies out to visit him, and then, nothing. | ||
| I had a buddy who flew a chick. | ||
| He met a chick here in LA, flew her to Toronto. | ||
| She took the flight, got to Toronto, because she's from Toronto, got there, never called him, never hung out. | ||
| He kept calling her. | ||
| She's like, where are you? | ||
| She's like, I can't hook up right now. | ||
| She used them for a plane ticket. | ||
| Hey, there's unscrupulous people out there. | ||
| Some of them have vaginas. | ||
| Yeah, some of them have penises. | ||
| No one's immune. | ||
| Some of them are gay. | ||
| Crazy comes in all sizes. | ||
| Some of them are gay. | ||
| Some of them are transgender. | ||
| There's some fucking shady people out there in all walks of life. | ||
| What do you think about the word tranny, transgender, and all that stuff? | ||
| I think if it's okay to call a cab driver a cabbie, we should be able to call a transgender a tranny. | ||
| Yeah, it's just an abbreviation. | ||
| I don't think it's... | ||
| I believe intent. | ||
| I think what we were talking about earlier, like, when you're talking about what is rape, you know, we all know what's bad. | ||
| When you define something by a name, you know, when you say, like, oh, you have a couple drinks, and then you have sex with somebody, that's rape. | ||
| They have sex with you, it's rape, because you've had three drinks, or you have two drinks. | ||
| Now it becomes rape. | ||
| I think defining people, like, this guy, oh, he's a fag. | ||
| Oh, this guy, oh, he's a homo. | ||
| This guy, oh, he's a gay man. | ||
| Like, What's in your mind... | ||
| What's the intent? | ||
| Yeah, what's in your mind when, you know, if Justin Martindale were here and we're like, well, if homos like you could stop fucking monkeys, what would we be doing? | ||
| What would our intent be? | ||
| We love Justin. | ||
| Our intent would be to make fun and have a good time and with no hate at all. | ||
| But if we were like sitting here going, well, you know, it's pretty clear in the Bible that the gay will suffer... | ||
| The gay. | ||
| We say it to him in an evil way. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with calling someone gay, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But there's something wrong with saying those words. | ||
| There's something wrong with projecting that stuff. | ||
| Where's it coming from, of course? | ||
| It's like Patrice O'Neill when he got on that MSNBC show or whatever the fuck it was with that lady who was arguing about Opie and Anthony getting in trouble for rape jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Was it a rape joke or is it a joke about- I think it was a rape joke. | ||
| No, you know what it was? | ||
| It was that homeless guy got on the show, and the homeless guy started talking about Condoleezza Rice, and he was saying he would rape her. | ||
| And then they got suspended, and what Patrice O'Neill was trying to say was that when someone is trying to be funny... | ||
| Like, that it's all coming from the same place. | ||
| It's all coming from a place of trying to be funny. | ||
| If it's coming from a place where you're trying to hurt someone's feelings, or you are discriminating, or you are being evil, that's a different thing. | ||
| It's not the label, it's the intent behind it. | ||
| And we get all tied up in the words. | ||
| Like, they were trying to stop Bossy for a while. | ||
| Were you aware of that? | ||
| Yeah, they were trying to say that Bossy is like the new cunt. | ||
| You know, like calling someone Bossy is like... | ||
| Well, they were doing that with, uh, he's, uh... | ||
| Not ghetto, but what is the word that these NFL players were trying to say? | ||
| Gangster or ghetto? | ||
| Yeah, ghetto is the new N-word. | ||
| Ghetto? | ||
| When he's acting really ghetto. | ||
| Like this one guy, Richard Sherman. | ||
| People really flipped out on him because he went off on this football player in the middle of this interview after a game. | ||
| And he's like, oh, he's all ghetto. | ||
| He's acting all ghetto. | ||
| And they were trying to say that's the new way of saying the N-word. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, and it just becomes something new. | ||
| Everybody gets offended by other words. | ||
| And it's just like, listen, the N-word and the F-word... | ||
| There's definitely history behind that when you talk about gay guys, right? | ||
| There's a history of oppression out there that comes with that word. | ||
| Whereas every group wants to get their own word. | ||
| But what about faggotry? | ||
| I can understand why faggot. | ||
| Okay, listen, you don't like the word faggot. | ||
| I totally understand that. | ||
| Faggotry, though? | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| I mean, listen, I say everybody can say whatever they want to. | ||
| Either you like it or you don't, and we move on. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If you don't like it, you don't like it, don't watch the comedy, don't watch the show, don't buy the product, move the fuck on. | ||
| There's two different things that are a problem here. | ||
| Two very different things. | ||
| There's one, the thing is people saying actual slurs. | ||
| Having mean intent and being, you know, an evil person with evil intent. | ||
| Then there's also another thing going on where people just going after words and the use of words and trying to limit the use of words and trying to limit the language that we use. | ||
| Not the intent and not the thought behind the words. | ||
| Not the philosophy or the way of looking at life, which I think for most of us is constantly evolving and changing from the time we're younger to the time we're older. | ||
| We learn life lessons along the way. | ||
| We have fuck ups. | ||
| We make mistakes. | ||
| We say things we wish we could take back. | ||
| We say things that we realize are cool. | ||
| Well, adding those things together, you've got a lot of different things going on. | ||
| It's not just about the words themselves. | ||
| What it's about is people having good intent. | ||
| And there's a lot of people also, I think, that they use these words to inject some serious fucking hate and vitriol out into the world. | ||
| They use other people using those words to be more hateful than the actual use of the word itself. | ||
| You know, the more angry, like, find, you know, YouTube comments where people think they're being social justice warriors. | ||
| Going after someone, you know, who might have used an incorrect term. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or going after someone who said this disparaging thing about transgender people or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| And you're just gonna find fucking... | ||
| Anger and hate coming from people that are supposedly progressive on a scale that you rarely see even coming from people that are conservative. | ||
| What I hate about the Political Correct movement is that how much fine print comes with that word. | ||
| Meaning, like, they... | ||
| They totally accept it and almost, in their brains, convince themselves that this person who they approve of uses the word is actually using that word to make fun of those who use the word as negative. | ||
| They actually convince themselves of it. | ||
| You're talking about the Colbert Report thing. | ||
| Well, not even though... | ||
| You know that story? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That girl drives me fucking nuts. | ||
| If you don't know that story, it's a genius story. | ||
| Colbert... | ||
| He's so smart. | ||
| Yeah, well, let's cancel Colbert was this thing that started, you know, trending online because they thought that Stephen Colbert put out a racist joke. | ||
| Like, pull the video. | ||
| It'll probably pull us off of YouTube, but I think it's fair use. | ||
| We could just do that article about it. | ||
| Yeah, but the- Sui Chu is her name or something? | ||
| Sui Park. | ||
| Sui Park. | ||
| And, you know, she uses a lot of big words, and she uses a lot of progressive lingo. | ||
| Well, she was interviewed by somebody on Huffington. | ||
| Well, let's explain. | ||
| Let's explain the thing. | ||
| The punchline was, I'm willing to show the Asian community I care by introducing the Ching Chong Ding Dong Foundation for Sensitivity to Orientals or whatever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was meant to be a satirical analog to the Washington Redskins' original Americans Foundation. | ||
| Yeah, which is hilarious! | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's funny. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| When you hear it coming from Colbert, he's making fun of their callous way. | ||
| How stupid they are that the people who want to keep the name Redskins... | ||
| So some people only saw one part of it, and I think it was a tweet that was put out. | ||
| So, cancel Colbert... | ||
| Comedy Central actually put out the tweet. | ||
| The hashtag, Cancel Colbert, became one of Twitter's twending twopics across the United States. | ||
| And it was because this one chick. | ||
| But it's not just her, because whether she was wrong, she might have saw that and overreacted and then didn't understand what was going on. | ||
| Satire. | ||
| Didn't see the whole thing, just saw part of it, started it off. | ||
| And then, boom, she was caught up in this wave of interaction. | ||
| Well, I would say I would disagree with that statement, that she was caught up in it because she would keep doing interviews about it well after, you know, like a week or so after people were like, you understand it's satire, and then the guy interviewing her on this Huffington Post thing, which was really funny, and she She's like, I know it's sad. | ||
| And she gives the literal definition of satire, meaning that she basically read what the definition was. | ||
| She didn't get the joke. | ||
| Well, here's where it gets even better. | ||
| by lunchtime deadspin published a post by two korean-american writers with the tongue-in-cheek headline gooks don't get redskin joke so so fellow asian americans were attacking her and cancel colbert became a joke more than anything and And then, not only did it not get cancelled, well, he got the goddamn Tonight Show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Or the Late Show with David Letterman. | ||
| He's the new Late Show host. | ||
| Which almost makes me wonder if the whole thing was fake. | ||
| I mean, my whole opinion is that I'm starting to see these things, these internet outrages over statements being made by comedians. | ||
| And it almost gets to the point where sometimes I wonder if they're just fake outrage just to drum up publicity behind what's being said. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| It's people realize that they can get attention. | ||
| That's exactly what's going on. | ||
| They realize they can get attention, or they can get attention by pretending to be upset at something. | ||
| Or what if the people who said the statement, people behind them, drum up fake outrage? | ||
| Pull up this pout rage. | ||
| P-O-U-T dash rage. | ||
| Of Sui Park as Colbert lands the late show. | ||
| There's this guy who does his online commentary, picking apart everything from this controversy to feminism to everything. | ||
| I mean, he's pretty hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So Sui Park miscanceled Colbert. | |
| His name's Thunderfoot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's another article in Time magazine. | |
| The cross-promotion of more white male celebrities proves it. | ||
| The entertainment industry has perfected the development of white cis straight male characters and the marginalization of other voices, except when those others are bought in only to aid in the cheap punchline of a joke. | ||
| This is, uh, they're showing people of color being badass. | ||
| and women. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Other voices except when those others are bought in only to aid in the cheap punchline of a joke is complete. | |
| This is aggression we do not have to accept. | ||
| We will protest this until it ends. | ||
| Others wanted to silence us immediately. | ||
| Young Asian American women with little institutional power are not supposed to be loud. | ||
| Our voices are not expected to be raised. | ||
| And when they are raised, they're not meant to travel. | ||
| Actually, Suey, if you're lucky, they won't travel. | ||
| Because as the old saying goes, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. | ||
| And how... | ||
| Genocide and slavery and Orientalism all work together to uphold white supremacy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's really kind of the way that I understand my work, which is why a lot of my work isn't essentially with these mainstream Asian American activist groups. | |
| Because the simple truth is that young people generally don't hold institutional power because they lack general experience. | ||
| They lack life experience. | ||
| Now, I know you left home to go to university for a year or two. | ||
| One second. | ||
| My mom just came home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| Maybe you went to university And now you think you know everything about the world. | ||
| President Sui Park, they will chant as you, with your 23-year-old wisdom, set about solving all of the world's problems. | ||
| And many will have chuckled a quiet chuckle of mirth to themselves as you got hauled up on your own hubris. | ||
| For only about a week or so after your campaign to cancel Colbert it turns out that Colbert was indeed getting cancelled and instead he's now going to take over the reins from David Letterman on the eminently prestigious Late Show. | ||
| And this seems to have triggered these tears of rage from you in your latest article. | ||
| It's not over till we say it's over! | ||
| Oh, the bitter tears of unfathomable sorrow they are, Zoe. | ||
| The white man, as you frequently refer to him, has now become the beloved white man. | ||
| Yeah, because being white must mean that the white man is always reasonable, always pure, always deliberate, always complex, and always innocent. | ||
| So he continues. | ||
| There is so much to gain by correcting us, dismissing us. | ||
| You know, this is kind of unfair, and this is like a part of the internet. | ||
| A young person. | ||
| Because if I was 23 and you ask my opinions on virtually anything, you would get something half as intelligent as that. | ||
| We're all idiots at 23 years old. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| There's something a bit unfair about just the nature of the internet that someone can just... | ||
| I agree, man. | ||
| But I just think there's something in this country where like... | ||
| And listen, racism does exist. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Save it for that fake out. | ||
| This girl wants credit for oppression she never went through. | ||
| Well, she's got attention. | ||
| That's what's going on. | ||
| Her brothers are like all doctors and lawyers. | ||
| I mean, I do a joke about her. | ||
| It's like she's born in 1991. Talk about the dark years of 98, will you, Suey? | ||
| Like, what did you go through in 1988, the oppression that you had to go through? | ||
| Like, they didn't let you wear your Hello Kitty backpack to school? | ||
| That's racist. | ||
| No, it's not racist. | ||
| You're talking about Asians wearing Hello Kitty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is racist. | ||
| I'll totally, okay, call me a racist. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| It's at least racial. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| What are you going through? | ||
| I don't think you have a point. | ||
| I'm going to be honest with you. | ||
| I do have a point. | ||
| That's the year where you kind of come into consciousness. | ||
| My point is, just the thought of that she's trying to equate what she's gone through with what... | ||
| But I don't think she is. | ||
| You know what she is? | ||
| She's getting attention. | ||
| And then she's running with it. | ||
| And I think, you know, as much as she might have thought she's thought this stuff out, what's going on is she's looking at a white belt in life. | ||
| She's a white belt. | ||
| She's a young person who's sort of, you know, maybe she's smart, maybe she's not, I don't know, maybe she's educated, maybe she's not, I don't really know. | ||
| It's hard to tell from this, because what you have is a bright spotlight on a person who probably shouldn't have had it on them, made a big mistake, hit a chord, that chord is the racism chord, and hit it accidentally, because didn't understand the satire of a joke, and didn't understand the context of a tweet. | ||
| That it was a part of a much larger piece. | ||
| And in taking that out of context and running with it, connected to a system. | ||
| And once she's a part of that system, once she starts being interviewed, and people are calling her a fucking idiot on Fox News, I think it was Fox News, where someone called her stupid. | ||
| The guy actually called her stupid. | ||
| Like, said, what you're saying is so stupid that I can't even... | ||
| Whatever the fucking guy's statement was. | ||
| The point was he called her stupid. | ||
| Like, that's... | ||
| You gotta be pretty fucking bad at relaying a point on the news for someone to call you stupid. | ||
| Well, I just feel... | ||
| I mean, I understand that, too. | ||
| At 23, it's just... | ||
| She's a black belt. | ||
| She's a white belt. | ||
| She's cute, though. | ||
| Yeah, that's my whole thing. | ||
| Who's been mean... | ||
| Who has been more oppressive to hot, young Asian girls? | ||
| Old white men or their Asian parents? | ||
| She's a young kid. | ||
| She's 23 years old. | ||
| So she was called stupid by Huffington Post Live's Josh Zeps. | ||
| That was a funny interview. | ||
| In a heated debate. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of funny. | ||
| By the way, she's doing the interview on that one. | ||
| In the background, she has stuffed animals on her bed. | ||
| Meanwhile, she wrote after that, And then Josh Zeps tweets to her, That's funny. | ||
| She pulled that whole thing, like, you can't say that because you're a white guy thing, which is a classic, like... | ||
| Well, it's a new thing. | ||
| It's a new thing. | ||
| Chicago peeps, I'm going to be doing a comedy show on June 26th, Suey Park writes on her Twitter. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Show up, heckle. | ||
| Oh my god, that's not real. | ||
| That's real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, she's now getting into stand-up comedy because of this. | ||
| Which is the story. | ||
| Jamie Kilstein's going to coach her. | ||
| It's going to work out well. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh god. | |
| Come to death squad, we'll welcome you with open dicks. | ||
| Don't open your dick up. | ||
| Things will fall out of there like AIDS. This is crazy. | ||
| So the guy said to her, he said it's just a stupid opinion. | ||
| She argued that satire is supposed to punch up Oh, okay, it's that thing. | ||
| You should watch the video. | ||
| You shouldn't say anything bad. | ||
| Oh, please pull that up. | ||
| Pull that video up. | ||
| Suey Park and Josh Zeps. | ||
| She basically said that he's pretty much not allowed to comment on it because he's not an Asian man. | ||
| Because he's not Asian. | ||
| And because of white privilege. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you know, white privilege is a thing that there was a recent article that everybody critiqued or criticized that some young kid at Yale wrote about being told to check his privilege. | ||
| This whole thing, this check your privilege thing, it's nice... | ||
| Let's pause that for a second there. | ||
| It's a nice thing to want people to be kind and considerate. | ||
| It's a nice thing. | ||
| But when you give them a tool, like check your privilege, whenever it involves anything racial, you're going to silence the debate. | ||
| Because now someone's being told, essentially, to shut up. | ||
| Because they're white. | ||
| Which is, wait for it... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Racist. | |
| So you're not even allowed to have a point of view if you're the wrong race to talk because you're privileged. | ||
| That race is privileged. | ||
| So there's like a balancing act going on. | ||
| And the white people are not allowed to even debate ideas. | ||
| You're supposed to check your privilege and shut up and listen to whatever. | ||
| Whether it's a woman or an Asian or whoever it is other than the white man. | ||
| I always feel that really young boys, like young white boys, have to pay for the sins of their fathers and their grandfathers. | ||
| I live near a high school and I drive by it all the time and I see groups of kids hanging out and they're all multiracial. | ||
| So the whole experiment that's been done in this country about making everybody integrated has worked to a point. | ||
| There's a lot of integration in these young kids. | ||
| It's working and it's getting better. | ||
| Yes, and it's getting better and it's got more room to go. | ||
| But I feel like young white boys... | ||
| Sometimes have to pay for the sins of thy fathers and their grandfathers. | ||
| There's this whole thing in the NBA that people get really mad that the last couple spots on an NBA team tend to be given to white guys. | ||
| And they're really upset because, you know, it's like, well, why should they be making that for white kids? | ||
| Well, it's the same thing that they're doing in Hollywood, where, you know, where the TV shows have to have multiracial characters, the commercials are multiracial, so that young kids see themselves in there and realize they could do that, too. | ||
| It's about reaching everybody. | ||
| Well, I grew up as a young kid who wanted to play pro basketball. | ||
| I was waiting for a woman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I wanted to play pro basketball, and I wanted to be the first white guy to play on Georgetown's basketball team, because at the time, it was all black guys. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I always wanted to be on that because I wanted to be the white kid. | ||
| So I can understand to a point why you have a couple white guys on the team because a lot of kids who are young, white kids, dream of playing pro basketball. | ||
| So it's the same thing. | ||
| So it's affirmative action for white people. | ||
| To a point! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that here's the problem with all this white guy stuff. | ||
| Without a doubt, white people have it. | ||
| Way easier! | ||
| Way better! | ||
| Way, way, way, way easier! | ||
| So complaining at all about it makes you look like a fucking idiot because the idea of white privilege, the real idea is that white people have an advantage and they have an advantage culturally in how they're treated by society. | ||
| I think that's true. | ||
| I think it's 100% true. | ||
| It doesn't mean that you should have to check your white privilege when you're talking about ideas. | ||
| Because saying something like that to someone You're not saying, hey, look, white people have an advantage, but realistically, that's all unfair, and we should all be equal, and we should all be one, and let's just go and talk about ideas from an even playing field. | ||
| I totally agree. | ||
| But this whole thing of anybody having an issue on something, but then again, imagine if you were going to school and you were a black guy who's experienced a lot of oppression, some rich white twat was giving you some dude who just grew up with rich parents on the fucking Hamptons, and he's giving you a hard time, and he doesn't understand that he got a fucking easy run. | ||
| So you'd want to say, check your privilege to him. | ||
| I get that, too. | ||
| I get it when it's appropriate to let everyone know, like, look, dude, you got lucky. | ||
| You found five aces. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| You were born on third base. | ||
| You didn't hit a triple. | ||
| You're right there. | ||
| You got lucky as fuck. | ||
| And that's a lot of people, and that's annoying to folks. | ||
| But the idea that a white person can't have an opinion about satire because he's white and he doesn't understand what it's like to be an Asian woman who didn't get the joke? | ||
| Holy shit, that's dumb. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| The problem is she's 23. She's 23 years old. | ||
| She's a young person with ideas that maybe aren't completely formed yet, thrust into this weird position to defend something that was a mistake. | ||
| I've always said that, you know how in Israel you have to serve in the army? | ||
| I've always felt that people... | ||
| In America, after they graduate high school, they should all have to wait tables at Denny's. | ||
| Dude, I'll tell you this, man. | ||
| People aren't canceling Corbett up in fucking Edmonton, okay? | ||
| They're beating seals to keep their fire warm. | ||
| It's cold as shit up there. | ||
| It's a different world. | ||
| If you have this really fucking easy life, you start finding shit to bitch about. | ||
| And you start finding shit when you have this internet connection. | ||
| You have the ability to get a bunch of other knuckleheads involved. | ||
| You start bitching about shit, and you find that there's a bunch of people that it resonates with, and then you're caught up in a wave. | ||
| You're caught up in a wave of attention. | ||
| And you see it all the time. | ||
| A lot of these people that are the so-called social justice warriors, they're aggressively asshole-ish. | ||
| Aggressively asshole-ish. | ||
| Well, and I also think there's a lot of it that there's a lot of personal... | ||
| They're trying to make a dollar off. | ||
| They're like the Suzy Choo. | ||
| Now she's going to go out there... | ||
| Suzy Choo. | ||
| Suzy Park. | ||
| Whatever her name is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you. | |
| More racism. | ||
| First it was Hello Kitty. | ||
| Now it's Suzy Choo. | ||
| So she's going to go out there, she's going to do stand-up. | ||
| She's probably going to write a book. | ||
| She's going to be making an appearance. | ||
| What are you waiting for? | ||
| Let her make the money. | ||
| But my point is how much of it is pure behind actual wanting change and how much is it just to make a buck off it? | ||
| Well, I don't know, but let's listen to this video because it's quite fascinating. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| This Josh Zapps video. | ||
| Tweeting Suey Park. | ||
| No, don't do that, asshole. | ||
| What are you doing, man? | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| I was going to ask her if she wanted to podcast. | ||
| Dude, don't do that. | ||
| Good job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cancel Colbert? | |
| That's what some Twitter users are demanding after the Colbert Report put out a now-deleted tweet, reading, I'm willing to show Asian community I care by introducing the Ching Chong Ding Dong Foundation for sensitivity to Orientals or whatever. | ||
| This set off a Twitter firestorm late Thursday night with people sounding off. | ||
| Hashtag cancel Colbert because we really don't need another white liberal celebrity trying to justify racism. | ||
| Using satire that ironically ridicules Asians is not productive for indigenous nor any marginalized group. | ||
|
unidentified
|
White humor blows. | |
| Hashtag cancel Colbert. | ||
| White humor blows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the one that started it all via Suey Park. | |
| White people, please keep hashtag cancel Colbert trending until there's an apology. | ||
| This is not the burden of people of color. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fix it. | |
| Do something. | ||
| Joining us now is the author of that very same tweet, Suey Park. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And also still with us is HuffPost Politics reporter Jason Lincolns. | |
| Thanks for being with us, Suey. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why cancel Colbert? | |
| What did you hope to achieve with that? | ||
| Well, that's a loaded question. | ||
| I think it's sad, but unfortunately, a lot of times our demands aren't really met unless we have really serious asks or we generate these larger conversations. | ||
| Unfortunately, people usually don't listen to us when we're being reasonable. | ||
| So I think it's really to make a statement that this sort of thing happens weekly, that Asian Americans are always a punchline. | ||
| And so I think we're just trying to make a point that people will be held accountable the next time they do these sort of things. | ||
| So just to clarify the context, the tweet was related to a segment that was lampooning Dan Snyder, who's the owner of a certain Washington, D.C. football team that has a racist name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was meant to be satire. | |
| I mean, do you understand the point of satire, that you say something that's intentionally absurd in order to ridicule not the people who are the target of what you're saying, but other people who might say it? | ||
| Of course I understand satire. | ||
| I'm a writer. | ||
| I think satire caters to the audience that you're speaking to, so it says something about what the audience finds humorous or acceptable when you're using those sort of jokes, and I think satire is supposed to punch up. | ||
| So unfortunately he's not doing that when he draws a parallel to Orientalism to make a point about Native American mascots. | ||
| But isn't his point that there are lots of stupid racist people who, even in their attempt to be conciliatory on race, end up putting their foot in it and saying something dumb? | ||
| I really don't think that we're going to add racism by joking about it. | ||
| I'm glad that the white liberals feel like they are less racist because they can joke about people that are more explicitly racist, but that actually does nothing to help people of color. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why attack a satirical attack on Dan Snyder's racism instead of just attacking Dan Snyder's racism? | |
| Well, if you're familiar with my activism or my work, I've been very vocal about Native American mascots. | ||
| I went to the University of Illinois for my undergraduate career. | ||
| We had Chief Alinawick, and I was incredibly vocal about it, and I had the same sort of backlash. | ||
| And that kind of backlash happens no matter what you're really attacking, whether it be, you know, the word oriental being used as a slur, yellowface jokes against Asian American people, or if I'm really just talking about Native American mascots and Dan Snyder. | ||
| I know I helped trend Not Your Mascot, On Super Bowl night to fight the name Redskins and Not Your Tonto. | ||
| I had the same sort of backlash, so it really isn't fair to kind of I'm not shifting my behavior. | ||
| Honestly, if white liberals cared about getting rid of the mascot, there's a lot they can do to help organize or get involved besides caring about their joke. | ||
| For them, it's not really about whether or not the Redskins exist or whether or not racism is over. | ||
| It's really about them feeling like they can't have fun anymore and feeling entitled to be able to laugh at things that aren't really funny. | ||
| Jason, part of the whole gag here is the use of the term orientalism, which is such a weird, old, loaded, like, it's a stupid, stupid word. | ||
| But to get upset about the use of that word when it's in a satirical context strikes me as misguided. | ||
| I want to take a look, though, at a tweet which Colbert Rapport has tweeted out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It says, for the record, Colbert Rapport is not controlled. | |
| Hang on, Sui. | ||
| I'll come to you in just a sec. | ||
| For the record, Colbert Report is not controlled by Stephen Colbert or his show. | ||
| He is at Stephen at Home. | ||
| Sorry for the confusion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Colbert himself has responded to some of the criticism on Twitter. | |
| Hashtag cancel Colbert. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Just saw at Colbert Report tweet, I share your rage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who is that, though? | |
| I'm Stephen at Home. | ||
| Sui, you were just going to jump in. | ||
| Yeah, I was going to say that I feel like it's incredibly patronizing for you to paint these questions this way, especially as a white man. | ||
| I don't expect you to be able to understand what people of color are actually saying with regards to cancel Colbert. | ||
| Sorry, being a white man doesn't prevent me from being able to think and doesn't prevent me from being able to have reasoned perspectives on things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't give up my right to be able to have an intellectual conversation when I was born. | |
| I know, but white men definitely feel like they're entitled to talk over me. | ||
| They definitely feel like they're entitled to kind of minimalize my experiences, and they definitely feel like they are somehow exempt and so logical compared to women who are painted as emotional, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no one's minimalizing your experiences. | |
| No one's minimalizing your right to have an opinion. | ||
| It's just a stupid opinion. | ||
| I mean, it's a misunderstanding of what sapphire is. | ||
| You just called my opinion stupid. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You just called my opinion stupid. | ||
| That's incredibly unproductive. | ||
| And I don't think I'm going to enact the labor of having to explain to you why that's incredibly offensive and patronizing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Explain. | |
| I just told you I wouldn't enact that labor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Thanks for being with us, Zoe. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jason, how do you make it? | |
| Look, it's unfair. | ||
| That's a black belt versus a white belt. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| I mean, even if she had a point, you know, in some way, shape, or form that's sort of wrapped up in all this... | ||
| Fucking craziness. | ||
| Even if she had a point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's too young. | |
| What if she's complaining? | ||
| To me, it's so interesting because some of the most damaging Asian racial material is done by Asian comedians. | ||
| What's her take on that? | ||
| Why do they do it, though? | ||
| They do it because it works. | ||
| Why do they do it? | ||
| They do it to break the ice. | ||
| Why do fat guys tell fat jokes? | ||
| So that you can't. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because if you go on stage, you're a fat fuck and your entire act is just about other shit. | ||
| Did you just call me a fat fuck, bro? | ||
| I said if. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You know, if you're a guy and you're a giant guy, you better talk about that on stage. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Because if you don't, then the audience is going to fucking point it out. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Look who she talks back and forth with. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| They're like best buddies. | ||
| Who? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Jamie Kelstein. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so perfect. | |
| Poor bastard. | ||
| It was just a joke. | ||
| This is all a simulation theory. | ||
| This is all fake. | ||
| It was just a joke. | ||
| I was joking when I said that he would help her with her comedy. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He probably helped her with her comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| He means well. | ||
| I swear to God he does. | ||
| I just can't. | ||
| It comes with so much fine print. | ||
| It's bad to be a guy, don't you know? | ||
| Men are getting all these women pregnant, doing all the raping. | ||
| Building all the roads. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| It's a mess. | ||
| The whole thing's a goddamn mess. | ||
| Especially in this country where, I mean, like, everything I know is not perfect, man, but when you hear what goes on in other countries... | ||
| I don't buy that. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| I don't buy that. | ||
| This is why I don't buy that. | ||
| People always say that. | ||
| But we know that it could be better. | ||
| So yeah, it's better than what it is in other countries. | ||
| I agree with that. | ||
| It's a crazy thing to say. | ||
| With all the information and awareness we have, the least important thing to concentrate on is how much better it is here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Again, about dwelling on patting ourselves on the back for making this country better than the other. | ||
| Not saying that. | ||
| But that's what everybody does. | ||
| I'm not saying that. | ||
| But she is sitting there and taking a joke and just making it into this giant global issue. | ||
| She's trying to do it. | ||
| When we have a situation in China where they chuck girls... | ||
| As a white man, I don't expect you to understand chucking girls in China. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| As a white man, I think it's incredibly condescending and patronizing that you're using that word. | ||
| Come on, Sui Pack. | ||
| Can I open for you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Could you imagine? | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| I will do it for free. | ||
| The set that you laid down in Edmonton. | ||
| By the way, Sam Tripoli's new CD available today. | ||
| Believe in yourself. | ||
| Right now. | ||
| Believe in yourself. | ||
| I gave you a thank you in there. | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| Bro, the set that you laid down when we were working together in Edmonton. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was a lot of fun. | |
| And that was right before you filmed it, right? | ||
| Or recorded it, rather. | ||
| And it was really worked out because a bunch of people that week came to the conference room and said they saw me at your show. | ||
| In Edmonton, yeah. | ||
| It totally worked out. | ||
| Yeah, we did it in the same place. | ||
| We were at the River Cree and then Sam was there like how long later? | ||
| Like literally in the next week. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| Yeah, and then they came down to support. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Because that was a fun set, dude. | ||
| But you were only doing... | ||
| You did a half an hour at my show. | ||
| How long is the CD? You have a lot more. | ||
| The CD's almost an hour. | ||
| So even if they did come to see it, they still got a bunch of shit that they didn't... | ||
| The fucking Rob Ford stuff was funny. | ||
| Is that on this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's funny shit, man. | ||
| Get it on there before it's old school. | ||
| They fucking caught him again since then. | ||
| They caught him again. | ||
| He was at the comedy store. | ||
| He showed up at the store. | ||
| Brian, did you get pictures of him? | ||
| Did you get pictures of him then? | ||
| No, I was out of town, but everyone else... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somebody did. | |
| Yeah, we're all taking pictures. | ||
| I'm like, why don't we just open the bar and see what we can get into? | ||
| If we were back there, if that was like during the days when I was hanging out at the comedy store, we would have had the greatest video of all time. | ||
| Me talking to Rob Ford. | ||
| I would have got him shot. | ||
| He just sweats standing there. | ||
| I would have started bringing shots out. | ||
| I would have opened the bar. | ||
| Open bar. | ||
| Have fun. | ||
| Here's some ladies. | ||
| I would have called Uber in advance knowing I was going to be too drunk to drive. | ||
| I would have just fucking threw my keys in a condom, swallowed them, locked my car. | ||
| And just start hitting it hard. | ||
| Oh, I would love to. | ||
| All the crazy cocaine running around that place. | ||
| I would have swallowed my keys like a fucking drug mule. | ||
| I was so jealous watching everyone's Twitter feed, because we were in La Jolla, and I was like, the one time I'm not at the Comedy Stories. | ||
| That's hilarious, man. | ||
| Now, have you heard about Gerard Carmichael? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Rogan? | ||
| This kid named Gerard Carmichael? | ||
| The nicest kid. | ||
| That kid right there? | ||
| His first stand-up special was a one-hour HBO special directed by Spike Lee in the OR at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Oh yeah, you know who told me that? | ||
| He's the nicest kid. | ||
| Ian Edwards told me he was doing that there. | ||
| Dude, could not... | ||
| I mean, really, dude. | ||
| Yeah, Ian actually came over to the Ice House after we had done it. | ||
| He did it on a Wednesday night, right? | ||
| Yeah, he did it on some crazy night, man. | ||
| Yeah, it was a Wednesday night because Ian went to see it and then he came down to the comedy store afterwards. | ||
| Such a nice kid. | ||
| That's legendary, dude. | ||
| That is legendary. | ||
| Your first ever stand-up on television is a one-hour. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| In the most sacred of rooms. | ||
| I mean, the OR is crazy. | ||
| How many specials have ever been done in the OR? I think that's the first. | ||
| Well, maybe they're smart and they're opening that place up to specials. | ||
| They're getting internet. | ||
| Oh, that's crazy. | ||
| Well, I don't want them to show soon. | ||
| Too soon. | ||
| I'm not going to say what's... | ||
| They're getting nutty. | ||
| Why are they doing that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's dangerous. | ||
| I don't want them showing our live sets. | ||
| You've got to work on stuff. | ||
| That's the problem with the Laugh Factory who's doing that for a while. | ||
| There's a comedy club, and I don't want to say the name, but if you sign the agreement to play there, they record your set. | ||
| And I'm like, I don't want you to record my set because I'm coming here to work out material. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah. | |
| That's fucked. | ||
| Yeah, that's not good. | ||
| You know, I think people that run clubs, you know, they're just trying to get asses in the seats, try to get people excited about the comedy. | ||
| If you don't do the process of creating it yourself, you don't know how vital that is, unless you're really paying attention. | ||
| A lot of club owners do know, but some of them just think, hey, we're getting people to look. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We've got 100,000 views on our YouTube channel. | |
| Sam Tripoli, just write new material. | ||
| Is it that hard? | ||
| We're giving you a great place to perform. | ||
| You should be happy to perform here. | ||
| That was the thing about some clubs, especially the Hollywood clubs, where they have this odd... | ||
| the club itself was like the star. | ||
| Like, you're a box with a microphone. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's the comedians that have performed here that are legendary. | ||
| It's not this box with a microphone. | ||
| Because they could have gone next door to the fucking Hyatt and... | ||
| They could have built a box there. | ||
| All they would have to do is say, hey, you know what? | ||
| I'm not performing here anymore. | ||
| I'm going to build a box next door to the Hyatt. | ||
| Let's pack that bitch. | ||
| And, you know, if Kinison ever wanted to do that or Letterman or any of those guys that made the comedy store famous ever wanted to perform next door, they could have done that. | ||
| I thought after a while Sam Kinison started just doing rock clubs. | ||
| He did. | ||
| Unlike Sunset. | ||
| Well, he did a lot of that, but he's the best example, and I've talked about it before, about a guy who was really good and became really bad in a short period of time. | ||
| From making it. | ||
| Just making it. | ||
| Just the fucking overwhelming pressure of being famous and being huge at one point in time. | ||
| Fucking, I just fell apart. | ||
| Drugs, you think, had something to do with it? | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| Boozing it, drugging it. | ||
| His brother talked about it in his book. | ||
| It's really fascinating. | ||
| Brother Sam. | ||
| Have you read it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's good, man. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| I'll get it. | ||
| It's a great book. | ||
| I'll read it. | ||
| It's out of print, but you can get it off. | ||
| Brian, go to your house and steal it. | ||
| Don't steal, Sam. | ||
| What kind of a message did I send to the young ones? | ||
| To the children, especially the Asians. | ||
| Steal. | ||
| Did you see that video where Elizabeth Hasselbeck was talking to some guy who was a former NFL player, is now a lawyer? | ||
| Really smart guy. | ||
| And they're talking about marijuana. | ||
| And, you know, it was on Fox News. | ||
| Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the really conservative hot blonde chick for The View, she found her rightly placed in the universe. | ||
| Oh, she must be so excited. | ||
| She's one of the hot blondes on Fox News now. | ||
| She was on, like, a reality show? | ||
| What was it, like, a Survivor or something? | ||
| Yeah, she was on Survivor, and then she got on The View, and then, pow, pow, pow! | ||
| Now she's on Fox News, where she belongs. | ||
| Just happy to be there. | ||
| Just spreading Satan's seed. | ||
| And she was talking to this guy who's a former football player. | ||
| And they were talking about weed. | ||
| And the guy made an excellent point. | ||
| She's like, isn't it going to send the wrong message to the children? | ||
| He was like, if the NFL today decided to ban alcohol use for all of its players, it wouldn't affect teen alcohol use at all. | ||
| And she was just like, IRF? Yeah. | ||
| That's her. | ||
| That's her face. | ||
| That's the face that she had. | ||
| It was like, there's worse things to worry about. | ||
| We don't have to play it. | ||
| I don't want to play it. | ||
| It's so fucking dumb. | ||
| Those conversations are so brutal, too. | ||
| When you have long-form conversations, like on a podcast, and say all the things you were talking about, whether it's we're talking about the Cancel Corbett thing, or racism, or privilege, these are like long discussions. | ||
| They're long debates where if you're going to really get to the heart of something and find out a person's real opinions on something, it's a very subtle and nuanced sort of a thing. | ||
| You need to really be able to talk for long periods of time. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| But when you're doing that on a show like a Fox News show, you have three minutes. | ||
| This conversation with this football player was three and a half minutes long. | ||
| Football player turned lawyer. | ||
| Three and a half minutes. | ||
| And then at the end, they're like, okay, well, thank you for your time. | ||
| We appreciate it. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| We're done covering this subject. | ||
| We're going to discuss gay military people. | ||
| What about gay marriage? | ||
| They're wearing camo now. | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| We take camo back. | ||
| It is unbelievable. | ||
| It is unbelievable. | ||
| It's that form of entertainment, that form of communication, that form of entertainment. | ||
| Let's call it entertainment because that's really what it is. | ||
| It is not just unsuitable. | ||
| It's not adequate for complex topics. | ||
| It's not adequate. | ||
| When you discuss the subject of marijuana in teenagers, if you're discussing it like that, or discuss the subject of the NFL telling players that they can't or can use marijuana and whether or not you support that. | ||
| What you're supporting if you support that they can tell players they can't use it. | ||
| You're supporting people having control over their employees. | ||
| When they're gone from work. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You're not even talking about something that they're showing up at work drunk. | ||
| You can't play football drunk. | ||
| You probably can't play at high. | ||
| Maybe you can. | ||
| Basketball players do. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| It probably takes them out of... | ||
| How big the moment is. | ||
| They're not really thinking. | ||
| They're more just in the moment of playing basketball than realizing, oh, this might be game seven of this playoff game. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying to a point where it chills them out? | ||
| You don't like to smoke the weed that much, but when you smoke the weed and you do things, whether it's jujitsu or playing pool, those are two things I can speak of, you play better. | ||
| It's a performance-enhancing drug. | ||
| You have more sensitivity. | ||
| You feel things better. | ||
| You literally, you're tuned into like... | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is, better. | ||
| You tune into distance better. | ||
| You tune into the rotations of a ball. | ||
| You tune into the way a person moves. | ||
| Like, when you do jiu-jitsu and you're high, you can feel things better. | ||
| You feel... | ||
| That sounds okay. | ||
| You can feel movement better. | ||
| You feel balance and shifting better. | ||
| The only time I ever perform high is when I go to the underground cafe. | ||
| I'm doing it in June, like the... | ||
| Toronto? | ||
| Yeah, the 12th through the 14th. | ||
| I don't have a say in it. | ||
| As soon as I hit the stage, by the time my foot presses down on it, I am gone. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| Explain why you don't have a say in it. | ||
| Explain what it is. | ||
| Basically, it's this weed bar that has a comedy club in it. | ||
| It's so much fun to do. | ||
| They have a stand-up show, but usually before the stand-up show, sometimes there's an improv troupe or there's an open mic. | ||
| Which can be like two hours long, so people are hotboxing in there, and everybody's smoking weed the whole time before the stand-up show even starts. | ||
| And then the stand-up show starts, and there's usually like two or three people go on before the headliner, and everybody's just hotboxing, smoking weed, smoking weed. | ||
| So when you walk out, you're just walking into this, just this... | ||
| Room of fucking weed smoke, and it looks like gorillas in the mist. | ||
| Like, you just see black objects moving in the background under this cloud of smoke, and by the time my foot hits the stage, I am gone. | ||
| I can tell you I'm high. | ||
| Just from breathing a second. | ||
| Just breathing in, and I've stopped going, okay, I'm so high now. | ||
| I just accept it and just start riffing. | ||
| Hinchcliffe had a green out there where he actually had to take off his shirt, and it's so unlike him. | ||
| He had to sit outside on the sidewalk for a half hour. | ||
| He was trying to rustle up some boys. | ||
| With that nice gay face. | ||
| Super twink. | ||
| Super twink. | ||
| Trying to put on an extra show. | ||
| Sometimes people that want attention, they want it all the time. | ||
| Not just on stage, off stage as well. | ||
| Take my shirt off, I'm so hot. | ||
| Starts sucking his fingers. | ||
| So hot outside. | ||
| That's so ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, he's a flirt. | ||
| That's what he's doing. | ||
| He's not even gay. | ||
| Gay flirt. | ||
| He just knows what he's got. | ||
| He knows what he's got. | ||
| He's like a hot chick who's married and she likes to wear short skirts and walk past the bar and know that every guy's like, Ooh, God. | ||
| She's not even trying to cheat. | ||
| She just likes the attention. | ||
| Yeah, just trying to like it. | ||
| She likes the head turns. | ||
| Get the party started. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Always. | |
| Get people excited. | ||
| Let her, you know, let her know. | ||
| She's still rocking it. | ||
| Keep on rocking in the free world. | ||
| Suey Park. | ||
| Suey Park. | ||
| I don't have anything against that girl, by the way. | ||
| If she ever listens to this, much love to you, kid. | ||
| I'll take her out. | ||
| Brian will take you out. | ||
| I don't think that's a good thing. | ||
| That won't help your cause. | ||
| I don't think that helps anybody, but maybe Brian... | ||
| I don't think that helps him. | ||
| It doesn't help anybody, but he's just saying that if you were into it, you could hang out with him. | ||
| Yeah, I just... | ||
| I don't like anybody who puts restrictions on comedians and what they can say. | ||
| There's this whole thing with Leslie Jones, too. | ||
| Leslie Jones, she's a comedy store comedian. | ||
| One of those people where it's like, every time you follow her at the store, it's an education. | ||
| You just learn... | ||
| Man, you gotta go up there and focus. | ||
| And she did something on Saturday Night Live where she did an old bit that she's been doing together about how she would have been a first-round draft pick in Slave Days. | ||
| Because she would put out great slaves. | ||
| And she did it on there and the internet explodes. | ||
| They got mad at her? | ||
| A bunch of people did, including other comedians, which I really hate, man. | ||
| Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| She said she'd be a first-round draft pick because she's a big girl. | ||
| Yeah, she's a big, tall, thick chick who constantly loves to ask you for dick. | ||
| Why would that be controversial? | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Because, well, the whole thing was that that one chick got the prettiest person in the world. | ||
| It was the girl from 12 Years of a Slave. | ||
| That's kind of where it started from, like what draft pick she would have been and how Leslie would have been a first-round draft pick. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because she could put out strong stock, you know? | ||
| You talk about that on stage, about wanting to fuck a gladiator chick. | ||
| Yeah, I wanted to make some fucking... | ||
| Like John Jones' mom. | ||
| I don't want to get in trouble, but, you know, just the whole thing about how amazing that woman was. | ||
| No disrespect to Mr. or Mrs. Jones. | ||
| It's all love for my... | ||
| Just a joke. | ||
| It's all my love. | ||
| He's just saying, theoretically, in the joke universe... | ||
| Well, she put out three top-end super athletes. | ||
| That's an amazing woman. | ||
| That's the point of the joke. | ||
| It had nothing to do with slavery. | ||
| It has to do with how amazing she is. | ||
| Well, that's what Leslie... | ||
| Can you pull up Leslie Jones' rant? | ||
| She did it on Weekend Update. | ||
| You know how the whole thing was that Saturday Night Live didn't have enough diversity, especially when it came to black women? | ||
| So she was on Saturday Night Live? | ||
| She's on Saturday Night Live. | ||
| She did a little monologue on Weekend Update and people flipped out. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I'm so fucking confused because you were saying it was a part of her comedy special. | ||
| Yeah, but no, no. | ||
| It's a part of her stand-up act that she did as a monologue on Saturday Night Live. | ||
| Why did she do that? | ||
| Because it was Weekend Update. | ||
| They asked her to? | ||
| She probably pitched it as a little thing for that girl getting... | ||
| Well, let's hear it. | ||
| Okay, I'm pulling it up. | ||
| Well, yeah, I think we'd like, you know, if we're smart, we should hear both versions. | ||
| We should hear the special version and the version that she did on... | ||
| Let's hear the fucking version she did on Comedy Central. | ||
| Fuck the Saturday Night Live version. | ||
| But I think the Saturday Night Live version is the... | ||
| Is the one that got her in trouble. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's the same thing, right? | ||
| Is it on her special? | ||
| I've just seen her do it at the Comedy Store a thousand times. | ||
| Yeah, I think she only did it at the Comedy Store. | ||
| I don't think that was on... | ||
| I couldn't imagine someone would really get upset about that. | ||
| Oh yeah, I mean, you just hear comics laying into her and I'm just like, what are you doing? | ||
| What fucking comic? | ||
| Who? | ||
| Don't say Jamie Kilstein. | ||
| Don't say it. | ||
| I actually tweeted the comic that did it and he wrote me back saying that he took down all of his posts about it and he retracted everything about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, cool. | |
| So what the fuck happened, man? | ||
| What was it all about? | ||
| Oh, Shang. | ||
| I know Shang. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He did it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, well. | ||
| Got a little crazy. | ||
| Maybe he was drunk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he took it down, so. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| He retracted it. | ||
| But I just think you should... | ||
| I don't understand the thought of restricting what people can say. | ||
| It's reward and punishment. | ||
| If you like what he says, you reward him by going to his shows, buying his CD. If you don't like it, you don't go to his shows, you don't buy his CDs. | ||
| I disagree because I think that if someone is saying something evil and hurtful, that there's nothing wrong with going after that. | ||
| Nothing wrong with pointing out that something is evil or hurtful. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But when something is just a joke about themselves and their own body and their own race and their own origins, I mean, and the idea that this is... | ||
| Go ahead, play it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you very much, Colin. | |
| Hello, everybody. | ||
| I wanted to come out here tonight and congratulate Lupita on winning People's Most Beautiful Person. | ||
| And I agree that she is very beautiful. | ||
| But for me, personally, I'm waiting for them to put out the most useful list. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Because that's where I'm going to shop. | ||
| Most useful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I said, you delectable Caucasian. | |
| She loves asking for dick, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me ask you a question. | |
| If you walked in a club and you saw me and Lupita standing at the bar, who would you pick? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| You would pick Lupita. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But let me ask you this. | ||
| If you was in the parking lot and three crips is about to whoop your ass, who you gonna pick then? | ||
| I would pick you. | ||
| You're damn right you would. | ||
| And that's my point. | ||
| The way we view black beauty has changed. | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| See, I'm single right now. | ||
| But back in the slave days, I would have never been single. | ||
| I'm six feet tall and I'm strong, Colin. | ||
| Strong! | ||
| I mean, look at me. | ||
| I'm a Mandingo! | ||
| Leslie, you're not saying you'd rather be a slave, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, that is not what I'm saying. | |
| I do not want to be a slave. | ||
| Hell, I don't like working for you white people right now, and y'all pay me. | ||
| I'm just saying that back in the slave days, my love life would have been way better. | ||
| Master would have hooked me up with the best brother on the plantation. | ||
| And every nine months, I'd be in the corner having a super baby. | ||
| Every nine months. | ||
| Every nine months, I'd just be in the corner just popping them out. | ||
| Just, Seth! | ||
| COVID! LeBron! | ||
| Dumbo slice! | ||
| You said that! | ||
| That's what I'm saying! | ||
| I'm saying I would be the number one slave draft pick. | ||
| All of the plantations would want me. | ||
| I'd be on television like LeBron announcing which plantation I was gonna go to. | ||
| I would be like, I'd like to take my talents to South Carolina. | ||
| I do believe that there's gonna be a lot of opportunities there for me. | ||
| Now, I can't even get a brother to take me out for a cheap dinner. | ||
| I mean, damn, can a bitch get a beef bowl? | ||
| Can a bitch get a beef bowl? | ||
| Wow, it's weird that she had to do that. | ||
| It's weird she had to do it like that, like, using him as, like, a guy to banter back and forth to make it look like it wasn't a bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was fucking hilarious, though. | ||
| It was funny. | ||
| I bet it's even better on stage, though. | ||
| She's, oh. | ||
| Dude, you got, it's, we call, like, we call her education, man. | ||
| You got to follow her. | ||
| It's education because you got to learn to survive. | ||
| She's sweating. | ||
| Oh, she loves to sweat and hug you. | ||
| And then she used to corner me in the back during the Dublin's days and just beg for dick. | ||
| It was so great. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| Back in Dublin's day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How long ago was this? | |
| What year was that? | ||
| Dublin's was what? | ||
| 2006? | ||
| Was it 2006? | ||
| I'd say 2003 or 2004. It was the early days. | ||
| Well, Dublin's changed. | ||
| Dublin's was a spot where very few people were going and then it became a Dane Cook spot for a while. | ||
| Yeah, well, I said the first year or two, it was great because, you know, Jay Davis and Ahmed Ahmed brought in this pretty insane crowd. | ||
| And like, you know, people, you would go up there and you find out how good of a comedian you were. | ||
| And if you did really well there, word would spread. | ||
| But then it started becoming a thing where I'm not going on after him, and you've got to put me on before him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people started controlling the lineup. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then it started becoming prima donnas. | ||
| And doing an hour in the middle of the show. | ||
| And stealing people's material. | ||
| Oh, there was a lot of that. | ||
| Sitting in the back watching. | ||
| And then saying that they were going to get their lawyers on you if you kept doing the bit. | ||
| That happened to me. | ||
| Didn't that happen to you, Sam Tripoli? | ||
| Yes, with Dane Cook. | ||
| That's crazy, Sam Tripoli. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| What was the bit? | ||
| I did a bit about the time, I was a big Tool fan at the time, and I did, and I still am, but I did a bit about when I got pulled over by the cops and they wrote me a ticket for like $2.50 for speeding and he handed it to me and I said, thank you. | ||
| And I remember how stupid that was to say, thank you for this fucking ticket. | ||
| And at the time, I'm like, that's like saying thank you after you get prison raped. | ||
| And I used the line, I'm breathing, so I guess I'm still alive. | ||
| Thank you, which is a lyric from a Tool song. | ||
| And I did it on stage because I was showcasing for Jamie. | ||
| And Jamie made me this thing, Showcase Regular, where I would always just get to showcase. | ||
| And then I just became a regular really quick. | ||
| And I was going to do a showcase, and Jamie didn't show up, so I'm like, I'm just going to do my regular set, you know? | ||
| And so I go up, and I start doing my act, and I do that joke, where I basically did the joke, and I got done, I got huge laughs, and I'm leaving there, and all these comics who were my friends were hanging out in the Laugh Factory lobby, and it was like Butch Bradley and a couple other people, people and Dane was there and I didn't really know Dane but I knew of Dane so I'm leaving with my with Scott Ross at the time so I uh I do I you know | ||
| I'm saying goodbye to everyone and I'm with Scott Ross who was my roommate at the time right and we and I say goodbye to everybody and I saw Dan go hey Dane I'm like, hey Dane, I'll see you later. | ||
| And he goes, oh, by the way, you're doing my bit. | ||
| In front of everybody. | ||
| And I go, what? | ||
| And all of a sudden, Armo rage just starts coming through me. | ||
| Armo rage? | ||
| Armenian rage? | ||
| Yeah, just that Armo rage. | ||
| This is his latest Instagram. | ||
| He's got his shirt off, and... | ||
| Bedroom eyes right there. | ||
| He's sucking his stomach in to the point where he's probably losing circulation. | ||
| I mean, that is... | ||
| He's sexy. | ||
| But read the caption. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Well, it's a caption and a half. | ||
| Read the caption. | ||
| Thank you to all my fans and friends over my career. | ||
| I'm starting a new film next week, writing my next one, and prepping a lot for press tours and interviews over the next couple months for Planes 2. A huge surprise. | ||
| And a huge surprise. | ||
| And a huge surprise. | ||
| I'm in the best place in my life. | ||
| I love the people around me. | ||
| I have let go over my past that held me and I've embraced a future that is whatever I want it to be. | ||
| I've worked with wonderful charity organizations over the years and I'm grateful to have always given back and being mindful that the future success depends on how I can create for others now. | ||
| Pound sign, hard work. | ||
| The more pound signs, by the way, you have after your fucking statements, the more I think you're an idiot. | ||
| I'm just going to let you know more. | ||
| The more time you hashtag after your fucking... | ||
| If you have more than three hashtags, I can't really talk to you unless they're really funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Unless one of them says one thing, one of them says not really, and then the next one says something even funnier. | ||
| Other than that, if you have five or six motivational hashtags, he needs a hug, man. | ||
| I mean, maybe he's trying to be ironic or funny. | ||
| That funny? | ||
| What's that hashtag? | ||
| What does that say? | ||
| Let's stop shitting on Dane here. | ||
| The gym made me like, what? | ||
| He's, you know, it's interesting, guys that were, like, in this great place at one point in time, and then everything is kind of, like, kicked out from under them, you know? | ||
| And with Dane, like, the allegations of plagiarism, the Louis C.K. thing, it's very similar in a lot of ways to the Carlos Mencia thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| It's just... | ||
| Well, I think Mencia's worse because he found out, people found out he wasn't Mexican. | ||
| That's why he lost that whole group. | ||
| Yeah, that was devastating. | ||
| You know, it's all a lot. | ||
| That's what people hate. | ||
| I mean, you'll always, no matter what, you'll always have a core group of fans that no matter what people say with you, about you, they're going to stick with you. | ||
| But that Dane Cook thing was so crazy that people were sending it to me. | ||
| Like, people were, like, laughing. | ||
| Let's not go through all this fucking Instagram. | ||
| But people were sending it to me going, what the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, I mean, he's trying to pump himself up. | ||
| He's getting excited about things. | ||
| He's trying to be positive. | ||
| I get all that. | ||
| I know he went through a really dark time, so that's kind of suck, but... | ||
| Why are you standing there with your stomach sucked in like that, looking all sexy? | ||
| Because maybe that's his crop. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| You should do that. | ||
| You know what you should do? | ||
| You should do the same thing that Steve-O did with Angelina Jolie, where all the tattoos that she gets, he gets. | ||
| You should do the same thing with all of Dane Cook's tweets. | ||
| Every time he does an Instagram, you should do an Instagram in the exact same pose with the exact same caption. | ||
| With my tits hanging out? | ||
| I mean, considering what you just told us, that whole thing. | ||
| Oh, that was a long time ago. | ||
| I know, I know, I know. | ||
| But it would be fun for a week project. | ||
| For one week. | ||
| Every time I do the same work thing he does. | ||
| Just the same words, the same everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah. | |
| Poor bastard. | ||
| He ain't a bad guy. | ||
| I think he had a hard life. | ||
| Did you see that fight that Seth Rogen's doing with Mackamore right now? | ||
| Now it's Mackamore? | ||
| I thought it was... | ||
| What was he fighting with? | ||
| Oh, because Mackamore did that kind of... | ||
| He put on a costume and a lot of people say it was anti-Semitic because it's... | ||
| It is. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I saw that he said that it's just a random costume, that a wig and a fake nose is just a random costume. | ||
| But it looks Hasidic. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| I mean, that's ridiculous, that if he's even saying... | ||
| Let me see the image. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on, I gotta get it fixed. | |
| Macklemore's the one who did... | ||
| Oh, that's it right there. | ||
| ...at the Grammys. | ||
| Who's the guy in front of him who's mad at him? | ||
| I think that's just Randy from American Idol or something. | ||
| But yeah, he says it's just a random witch's nose and a wig and something like that. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, what are you trying to make? | ||
| What else are you supposed to be right now? | ||
| Okay, so what does Seth Rogen say? | ||
| First you tricked people into pretending you're a rapper and now you tricked them into thinking you're Jewish? | ||
| Yeah, if you go to his Seth Rogen's thing, he's going back and forth with them all day. | ||
| Because Mack Moore said... | ||
| A fake witch's nose wig and a beard equals random costume. | ||
| Not my idea of a stereotype of anyone. | ||
| Of anybody. | ||
| And then Seth Rogen goes, Mackmore, really? | ||
| Because if I told somebody to put together an anti-Semitic Jew costume, they would have the exact same shopping list. | ||
| Okay, but here's my question. | ||
| Why is it anti-Semitic? | ||
| Because he's got a big note. | ||
| But so what? | ||
| What if you did one, it was an Italian guy and he had a wife beater on with spaghetti stains on and a lot of gold chains and he went on stage. | ||
| Maybe there's some fucking morons in the Italian-American anti-defamation league who complain about it, but you're telling me that people don't exist that look like that? | ||
| They do. | ||
| That's why, for me, who's predominantly Italian, wouldn't have a problem with someone to be on stage with a white beater on and gold chains with pizza stains on it. | ||
| I mean, you could make a stereotypical Italian outfit and no one care. | ||
| Why if you made... | ||
| An outfit that makes you look like an Hasidic Jew. | ||
| Why is that anti-Hasidic Jew? | ||
| If you can tell that that looks like a Jew, why is that anti-Semitic? | ||
| Because Jews are sensitive. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, look, we're not talking about blackface here. | ||
| Blackface has a history of the minstrel, you know... | ||
| Well, Jews would say there was a lot of anti-Hebrew propaganda in Germany that led to the extinction of a third of their population. | ||
| There was. | ||
| But is that what that is? | ||
| Did they dress up? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I think it goes back to what you're saying. | ||
| Intent. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't think Macklemore, who had gay marriage on his Grammy song, while he did a Grammy song, is going to be anti-Smack. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't feel that. | ||
| But people are, like, there's a lot of sense of, they're not all Ari where they can joke about it all the time. | ||
| Like, some people are very sensitive about that. | ||
| It's too sensitive, I think, in that situation. | ||
| I just think, look, if you dressed up like a Hasidic Jew, alright, say if you went on stage, okay, what's the rapper's name? | ||
| Badass rapper? | ||
| Eminem. | ||
| No, Hasidic guy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Madis Yahu. | ||
| How do you say it again? | ||
| Madis Yahu. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| Madis Yahu? | ||
| Madis Yahu. | ||
| Fuck you, man. | ||
| Say it right. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Rude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't even know what it was five seconds ago. | |
| Pretending I'm offended. | ||
| Madis Yahu, if you went on stage dressed up like him, is that anti-Semitic? | ||
| If that's how he dresses, and you dressed up like him. | ||
| If you said it was him, he was just being a Jew. | ||
| Right, but what was he doing? | ||
| Well, you're saying he's not just being a Jew. | ||
| But was Macklemore, in wearing that costume, was he doing an offensive Jewish accent? | ||
| Or was he doing the same act? | ||
| Or was he just being silly? | ||
| Let's see if I can find a video of it. | ||
| I just don't understand why looking like someone or a parody of someone has to be anti. | ||
| And I use my own nationality, but I guess Italians, they're so fucking cocky into being Italian that they're not really marginalized by their, uh... | ||
| Well, there were people who, like, I had a cousin, my cousin who's Italian. | ||
| He apologized. | ||
| He fucking caved. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You never apologized. | ||
| Macklemore issues apology for anti-Semitic Jew costume as Seth Rogen heads out on Twitter. | ||
| Seth Rogen wins again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's why we win again. | |
| What is that? | ||
| That's my Seth Rogen character. | ||
| That's Yoda, you fuckhead. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Just stop talking. | ||
| Well, you know, it's like a lot of Italians hated the Sopranos. | ||
| I'm like, dude, it's not that bad. | ||
| It's the mob. | ||
| It's not like he's not running a gay bathhouse. | ||
| It's actually kind of a cool... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I didn't find offense to it. | ||
| Well, it's ridiculous to say that people like that don't exist. | ||
| You're allowed to make a fictional character. | ||
| And if a fictional character is really close to actual people, that's when people start getting pissed off. | ||
| That's when people start saying it's stereotypes. | ||
| But stereotypes exist for a fucking reason. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| If he just went up there and just sang dressed in that costume as him, I don't know what's actually going on. | ||
| I don't know either. | ||
| But about the Sopranos thing, the idea of not using stereotypes in painting a story is so fucking ridiculous. | ||
| Because sometimes stereotypes are accurate. | ||
| And if you're going to be able to paint a story, paint a creative vision, whether it's a television show or a movie... | ||
| What's wrong with having a black pimp? | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| I mean, it seems like there's black pimps, there's been black... | ||
| I saw pimps up, hose down. | ||
| Is it a stereotype? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, is it a stereotype? | ||
| I tell people... | ||
| I mean, Hollywood, I think stereotypes work, especially in commercials. | ||
| It's like casting directors, like, oh, you fit the stereotype of the character. | ||
| Well, it's not just that. | ||
| It's like if you want to paint a story about real life, you would paint a story about things that people can relate to. | ||
| And one of the things that people can relate to is an Italian guy with fucking pizza stains on his t-shirt and gold chains on. | ||
| Those are real people. | ||
| Wearing sweatsuits? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you got a guy wearing sweatsuits like fucking Tony Soprano, go, hey, where's the Gabagol? | ||
| Where's the fucking guy with the thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where's the ziti? | ||
| The fucking ziti? | ||
| Those are real people. | ||
| You know those people. | ||
| If you listen to Floyd Mayweather's dad, that's a real guy. | ||
| It's a real old black boxer. | ||
| If you're going to make a parody of an old black boxer, and you had a guy who could speak very well, and he looked like that guy, and if you got Ian Edwards to do Floyd Mayweather, would that be a stereotype? | ||
| Is it a stereotype when there's a real person that's like that? | ||
| A lot of them. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| It is a stereotype. | ||
| But shouldn't you be allowed to do that when you're portraying fiction? | ||
| The idea that the Italian-American Defamation League would want every Italian to be like Leonardo da Vinci. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| Or Michelangelo or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Only the most positive. | ||
| You're not allowing people to create fiction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're not allowing them to create art. | ||
| Is it because it's like actual facial features though? | ||
| Like Macklemore's nose or Asian person's eyes, that's actually what they look like instead of what they're wearing? | ||
| Well, I can see what you're saying. | ||
| So like Jerry Lewis, when he would do The Nutty Professor, or the old days when they would do fake Asian characters. | ||
| Well, that's obviously impressive. | ||
| That was very stereotypical, but also very racist. | ||
| What about that famous actress who went as Orange is the New Black character who is black, and she wanted to be that character? | ||
| And everyone's like, that's blackface, but it goes back to what is the intention. | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Do you know, can you look that up? | ||
| The actress who went for a Halloween costume as Orange is the New Black. | ||
| She's a hot blonde actress. | ||
| And she went in blackface? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She went in like, as a Latino or black character, and people are like, that's blackface. | ||
| But the intention is, if I'm someone I want to go as Dwayne Wade, there's someone who went, that's it. | ||
| That's her. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| She loves the show. | ||
| What's the intention there? | ||
| Or do we have just a set rule? | ||
| Still blackface. | ||
| Yeah, you can't even go tanface. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tanface is dangerous. | ||
| Right? | ||
| If you're not tan, like say you want to be a Brazilian. | ||
| You want to pretend to be Brazilian? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| You can't do tan face. | ||
| You can't do brown face. | ||
| But what you can do is whiter face. | ||
| If you're a white person... | ||
| White girls? | ||
| You can make... | ||
| No, you could do... | ||
| A white person could make the fucking... | ||
| Like, make their skin white as shit and give themselves red hair. | ||
| And no one picks up... | ||
| Like, no one picks up the slack... | ||
| I can go as Conan O'Brien. | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Sounds like a Halloween costume. | ||
| Sam Tripoli. | ||
| Alright, dude. | ||
| What's the name of your CD again? | ||
| One more time. | ||
| Believe in Yourself. | ||
| Believe in Yourself, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious. | ||
| It's very good material. | ||
| You can get it on iTunes. | ||
| Or allthingsrecords.com. | ||
| If you get it right now, it'll pump Sam up. | ||
| Let's get him past the top ten, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| I would love that. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Let's see where he's at right now while this podcast has been going on. | ||
| So we're looking for music. | ||
| Do we look for music? | ||
| And then we go to genres. | ||
| Let's go to comedy because it's a genre of music for some fucking reason. | ||
| And let's see where we're at right now. | ||
| The comedy album's number one, Jim Garfugan. | ||
| He's been number one for a while. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| With the bullet. | ||
| One with the bullet. | ||
| Brian Regan's number 11. He's hilarious. | ||
| Louis C.K. is number 14. Where you at, son? | ||
| I guess I've dropped. | ||
| Punch Drunk Sports is also. | ||
| Oh dude, you're number 8. That's why. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| You're beating Louis C.K., man. | ||
| Dude, you're beating everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yay! | |
| You're kicking ass, man. | ||
| You're beating Brian Regan. | ||
| That's why I couldn't find you. | ||
| You're beating Louis Black. | ||
| Powerful. | ||
| Just through the fucking power of the internet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so excited to be top 10. You're not on any TV shows right now. | |
| You're just slamming it home through the internets. | ||
| I'm really excited. | ||
| Thank you, everybody. | ||
| Congratulations, my brother. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| That's the best thing ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Powerful Sam Tripoli. | |
| Top 10. Follow him online. | ||
| Tomorrow night, Ice House Comedy Club. | ||
| Bill Burr. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Me. | ||
| Who else? | ||
| Ian Edwards. | ||
| God damn, that's a show. | ||
| Tomorrow night, 10.30. | ||
| You want to go up? | ||
| You around? | ||
| Punch Shunk Sports. | ||
| Brian Redman as well. | ||
| Brian Redman as well. | ||
| Don't do that fucking name, that voice. | ||
| That's not what he sounds like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't think so? | |
| The Naughty Show. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Help you, I can. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, you just got to watch the movie. | |
| Just shut the fuck up. | ||
| You're the worst impressionist of all time. | ||
| Tomorrow night, Ice House. | ||
| Okay, we'll see you soon. | ||
| Thanks to the sponsors. | ||
| Thanks to Squarespace.com. | ||
| Go to Squarespace.com and use the code word Joe to save yourself some money. | ||
| Thanks also to Onnit.com. | ||
| Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGUE and save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| The Canada dates that I got coming up for next month. | ||
| The Orpheum on June 13th. | ||
| Selling out fast, bitches. | ||
| And Lloyd Minster on June 12th. | ||
| And I think it's sold out already. | ||
| If it's not, it's very close to it. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| Much love. | ||
| See you guys soon. | ||
| And big kiss to you all. | ||
| Mwah. |
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