April 29, 2014 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:56:08
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Good googly moogly, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| We're back. | ||
| This episode is brought to you by the Dollar Shave Club. | ||
| Dollar Shave Club has the funniest ads that they send you. | ||
| They have, why are razors so damn expensive? | ||
| Damn is spelled D-A-M, and that is highlighted. | ||
| And then above it, it says, note to host, please personalize highlighted areas in... | ||
| I wouldn't say damn. | ||
| Why are razors... | ||
| I would say fucking. | ||
| Most people would, right? | ||
| Why are these razors so fucking expensive? | ||
| But they have a good point. | ||
| This is a great fucking idea. | ||
| This guy's a wizard. | ||
| He cracked the code. | ||
| It's a smart move. | ||
| Razors are really expensive. | ||
| If he could sell you razors that are just ridiculously cheap, why wouldn't you do it and just have them delivered to you? | ||
| You tell me. | ||
| They're good qualities, too. | ||
| You can go for a dollar a month, or you can go the six dollar or a nine dollar, the executive. | ||
| Guess what, folks? | ||
| Our grandpas all got by on that dollar a month type razor. | ||
| They were fine. | ||
| They didn't need five fucking blades. | ||
| They didn't need vibrating handles that you stick up your ass. | ||
| They didn't need it. | ||
| Why is this one called the lover's blade, though? | ||
|
unidentified
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I don't care. | |
| Because you vibrate the handle. | ||
| You stick it up. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Lovers like it really smooth. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's going to get you in trouble. | ||
| You're going to have to keep that up. | ||
| It's like when you show up at a chick's house with a dozen roses on the first date. | ||
| You've got to maintain that, son. | ||
| All right? | ||
| If you have the lover's blade and you're all super smooth with like 15 blades and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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This is... | |
| That's a $6 a month whammy. | ||
| But even that, think about that, folks. | ||
| $6 a fucking month. | ||
| If you use the same razor for a whole month and you shave every day, you're a fucking pig. | ||
| You're a disgusting person. | ||
| You're probably spreading diseases. | ||
| So... | ||
| This is the way to do it. | ||
| Every month you get a new one. | ||
| If you use one... | ||
| I know dudes that use the same razor for like four months at a time. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| You? | ||
| This one says that you will love this razor and your girlfriend can use it too. | ||
| That's the worst when a girl uses a razor and has that cold water in it and it's got that little hair. | ||
|
unidentified
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The girls have cold water. | |
| It comes from their bodies. | ||
| I use the same razor for years. | ||
| I use an electric razor. | ||
| I use it once a week. | ||
| I have a ritual. | ||
| Right before I have to go to the UFC if I gotta go work, most of the time I hit it on Wednesday or Thursday. | ||
| And I just bang it out Wednesday and Thursday every week. | ||
| Just give it a quick wah, wah, wah. | ||
| Do the head at the same time. | ||
| I do the head. | ||
| Sometimes I do the body hair. | ||
| Occasionally I trim the pubes. | ||
| You have the right kind of hair for that, because my hair does not work on electric razors. | ||
| It just doesn't get close. | ||
| Yeah, you've got to have a rugged face, son. | ||
| For everybody else, dollarshaveclub.com is the way to go. | ||
| This is the way to go, though, for real. | ||
| If you're thinking about saving money, like how can I... If you're looking at all your bills and you go, there's got to be some waste in here. | ||
| For sure your razors are a waste if you could whack it down to a buck a month. | ||
| Also, they have manly butt wipes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dr. Carver's Easy Shave Butter and One Wipe Charlies. | ||
| One Wipe Charlies are the manly butt wipes. | ||
| They are way more hygienic for your booty hole, Mr. Hattel. | ||
| They were the hardest to kill in Nam, the One Wipe Charlies. | ||
| Byron, forget one-wipe Charlie. | ||
| Gentlemen use wipes. | ||
| The problem is gentlemen don't have purses to carry these fucking wipes around. | ||
| What they need to do is have like a single-use size one-wipe Charlie that comes in like a business card holder type size. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| Yeah, you peel that bitch open. | ||
| Wipe first, you know, if you have to take a road shit. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, the businessman. | ||
| There's a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a restaurant. | ||
| I don't want to do this, but I got to do this. | ||
| I got to do this. | ||
| And you head in there, you unload, and if you had a little one-wipe charl in your pocket, of course you can make your own single use with a small Ziploc bag that you'd use for sandwiches or drugs. | ||
| I actually have a thing, a little small travel size one in my car I use for before I go to massage parlors if I don't feel fresh. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Well, you're very considerate, Brian. | ||
| That's, you know, a lot of people say that that's the whole thing about prostitution is that, you know... | ||
| Men want to abuse women, but you don't. | ||
| You're so considerate. | ||
| I don't want them to smell anything. | ||
| You hit your One Wipe Charlies. | ||
| Yeah, they don't need to know. | ||
| They don't need to know nothing. | ||
| One Wipe Charlies, as is everything else, available at dollarshaveclub.com. | ||
| And if you go to dollarshaveclub.com, Rogan, You can get the party started, shave time, and shave money. | ||
| That's also theirs. | ||
|
unidentified
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They said that. | |
| They're so wacky. | ||
| Have you seen the commercial? | ||
| The actual guy who's the president does the commercial? | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| They're fucking funny. | ||
| They're over the top. | ||
| So they send you razors? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| For a buck. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Done. | ||
| Because that's always the one thing you're like, oh, do I have a razor? | ||
| And then they're coming in the mail? | ||
| That's excellent. | ||
| Yeah, if you're a four-blade guy, let's say you get six bucks for a four-pack. | ||
| So one a week for a month. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| For six dollars. | ||
| The dollar one, though, the one for a buck, it says, this razor does not front. | ||
| What does that even mean? | ||
| It's urban. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| What are they trying to do? | ||
| No fronting. | ||
| No fronting. | ||
| Step off. | ||
| Yeah, I wrote don't sleep on a tweet and people were debating what I was trying to, if I meant. | ||
| I meant the rapper way. | ||
| Don't sleep on that shit. | ||
| Don't sleep, son. | ||
| That's what I meant. | ||
| I didn't mean like, don't go to sleep. | ||
| I sleep all the time. | ||
| You should sleep too. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Sleeping's important. | ||
| Anyway, don't front on that razor. | ||
| Because that razor don't front back. | ||
| Man, that humble twin don't front. | ||
| The humble twin, son. | ||
| And you get that shit for a buck a month. | ||
| I mean, our parents had those screw-down ones. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, yeah. | |
| That razor of death. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Those are the ones people used to use to commit suicide. | ||
| Those are not good razors. | ||
| That's the Green Mile razor. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You ever watch those, like, lockdown shows? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Like, you know, I think once a week they get to shave. | ||
| And it's like this big, like, procedure. | ||
| It's like almost like a Japanese tea ceremony. | ||
| The guy, like, you know, you know, whatever. | ||
| Cuff up! | ||
| And they put his hands out. | ||
| They put the lotion, you know? | ||
| And then they give him, like, this lady bick or something. | ||
| You know, it's like totally, you know, generic razor. | ||
| And then he's like... | ||
| The next thing, the place is just, you know, crawling with feces. | ||
| You imagine if life broke down to that, your big thrill every week is shaving. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You imagine, like, if you lived in the Roman times, like, having a hot shower, you would have to be a god to have a hot shower. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To get what everybody gets in a Motel 6, you just turn on that faucet and stand there and just lather up. | ||
| That feels tremendous when you've had a tired day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Exactly, yeah. | ||
| We take it for granted. | ||
| They had nothing. | ||
| No shaving. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I think they were pluckers, actually. | ||
| I think they... | ||
| Like the Gladiator guys, they would just tweeze. | ||
| Come over? | ||
| They would tweeze or something, Spartacus, I forget. | ||
| I'm not surprised. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I would do if I was living back then. | ||
| I would tweeze. | ||
| Fuck the commercials, dude. | ||
| The commercials are over. | ||
| Dollarshaveclub.com. | ||
| We don't even have to do the rest of it. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Unless you have a gig to promote. | ||
| No, not until Comic Con. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| This Friday night, I'm at the Lobero Theater with Joey Diaz, but I think it sold out. | ||
| Holla! | ||
| DollarShaveClub.com. | ||
| Dave, motherfucking a town. | ||
| What's up, man? | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Thanks for being here, man. | ||
| Please. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| You know, can I say it? | ||
| Like, this is the third location that we've done this podcast. | ||
| We're sneaky, dog. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's cool. | |
| We keep moving. | ||
| I'm moving again, son. | ||
| You're moving around, man. | ||
| I'm planning my next escape. | ||
| Well, what I'm also doing is I'm slowly building a man cave, and the next one's going to have an archery range. | ||
| This one has a pool table, but I've decided that I need, like, a full warehouse. | ||
| An archery way to go. | ||
| And I'm going to do a Corolla style. | ||
| Adam Corolla has a soundproof podcast studio. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| He's a carpenter, you know? | ||
| Yes, yeah, he is. | ||
| He's like a master carpenter. | ||
| He really knows his shit. | ||
| So he builds everything. | ||
| He built his own desk that he communicates out of, you know, their podcast desk. | ||
| He built the walls where he has this plexiglass thing that separates them from the producers. | ||
| It's really fucking high-tech shit, but... | ||
| I was there a couple days ago, something like that, and you're absolutely right. | ||
| It's like a building. | ||
| I've never seen anything like it. | ||
| Inside the building, he built this contained thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker, that guy. | ||
| He's constantly going, too. | ||
| He's a renaissance man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got so many things that he's really knowledgeable about, like cars. | ||
| Talk to that guy about cars. | ||
|
unidentified
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He does a car podcast. | |
| Cars, woodcrafting, and then comedy. | ||
| He knows a lot about boxing, man. | ||
| He's a really good boxer. | ||
| I saw him teaching a guy, an MMA guy. | ||
| I believe it was Uriah Faber, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| He was holding the mitts for him and giving him instruction. | ||
| He's a fucking really good boxer. | ||
| He really knows his shit. | ||
| Very weird dude, that Adam Carolla. | ||
| I can't think of another Adam Carolla. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, I can't think of another David Tell either, but you're right here, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable. | ||
| I don't want to start talking about you like that. | ||
| I've got some big shoes to fill, which Adam probably could make shoes. | ||
| He makes his own shoes. | ||
| Following Adam's cred. | ||
| He probably kills his own cows, hammers them up on the barn. | ||
| You like this belt? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did it myself. | ||
| Leather. | ||
| Tans the hides. | ||
| Yeah, he's very fucking knowledgeable about houses, and he's got that show now on Spike where they bust people who are bad contractors to catch a contractor. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| That's doing God's work, because that's a hard deal, man. | ||
| I know that myself. | ||
| You get a guy in. | ||
| Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He was on, what is that show? | ||
| I guess it was Loveline. | ||
| And he had Ty Pennington, the guy who builds those houses. | ||
| And he started quizzing them about questions about how to build houses. | ||
| But the guy's a TV show host. | ||
| And he probably knows a little bit about houses because he's around them. | ||
| But he didn't get the gig because he's a contractor. | ||
| So Carolla starts throwing all these questions at him. | ||
| He didn't know shit. | ||
| He, well, just the name alone, Ty Pennington. | ||
| You know, this guy doesn't know his way around drywall or anything like that. | ||
| That's a little too fancy. | ||
| I would say he'd either be an awesome baseball player or maybe a figure skater. | ||
| Yeah, or butler in between the two. | ||
| Ty Pennington could be a butler. | ||
| He could run a butler service. | ||
| Ty! | ||
| If you went over someone's party and they had a butler, would you just turn around? | ||
| It really would depend what kind of butler it is. | ||
| If it's the old English type, I'd love it. | ||
| But if it's like this new kind of like, you know, wigger kid hanging out, yeah, my name's butler. | ||
| I wouldn't like it. | ||
| That could be a new gig. | ||
| People with great personalities that walk you around at their party. | ||
| Temporary butler gig, you know? | ||
| I think, you know, the cool thing about out here, you know, I'm East Coast. | ||
| Is that like when you come out here? | ||
| Everybody has somebody helping them do something and you and you really do need it because of all the driving and stuff like that. | ||
| And like, you know, I was in my hotel and like my door wasn't working. | ||
| So the guy came down to help me out and then he's like, oh man, I don't know how to do doors. | ||
| So I had to get the other guy. | ||
| So I'm like, even he has like a little assistant. | ||
| You know, I really, I really, you know, I don't know, I'm always mystified when I come out here, the amount of jobs there are. | ||
| There's like jobs in LA that aren't anywhere else, you know. | ||
| Well, the numbers of humans here is insane. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| LA is not the biggest city, per se, but it's the biggest area because it's not really one city. | ||
| It's like you never get away. | ||
| You keep going. | ||
| It goes deeper and deeper and deeper as far as traffic and population. | ||
| Do you know how if you're in New York, once you get outside of New York and then you hit Connecticut, things lighten up substantially. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You know, the amount of people that you see lightens up. | ||
| It spreads out. | ||
| Cities are less populated. | ||
| That's not the case with L.A. Not at all. | ||
| I know that I'm kind of out of L.A. when I see a party store center, like a party store center, and no one's there. | ||
| Then I know I'm like, I must be heading to Sacramento, or I'm in the meth area of California. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| Yeah, dollar stores. | ||
| Yeah, one of those weird, you know... | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| A weird cell phone company that no one understands how they're selling cell phones, like Cell Phone Repo Shop or something like that. | ||
| You know, they have those weird little ones at those strip malls. | ||
| We're like, what are they doing there? | ||
| Are they selling cell phones? | ||
| All like cool calling cards. | ||
| It's like, you can talk to Nairobi. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| You know, there's no other place where the phone works. | ||
| Those little stalls that they have at the mall are another one, too. | ||
| It's like, you know, you could buy a phone right here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're just going to set it up here. | ||
| Like, we're out in the middle of everything. | ||
| I know, yeah. | ||
| How can you fucking... | ||
| You don't even have an office. | ||
| You're just going to turn my phone on here? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| I love the kiosk people because, you know, I'm kind of Russian-looking, and I always feel like that's my next gig. | ||
| We're going to kiosk. | ||
| You know, flying a remote-controlled helicopter no one needs. | ||
| That would actually be a good show. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Yeah, if you had a camera on you, just set up a camera and leave it there, and you sell cell phone covers, those glittery cell phone covers. | ||
| Yeah, you need one of those. | ||
| But everybody goes, it's David Tell. | ||
| You're David Tell. | ||
| Like, yep, this is my new show. | ||
| Made some bad choices. | ||
| Here I am. | ||
| Do you want one or not? | ||
| No, this is your show. | ||
| I really think that a really funny guy like yourself would be enjoyable if that was the only show. | ||
| You would find the funny in it just by talking to different people. | ||
|
unidentified
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Sure. | |
| If you did it a few hours a day, I guarantee you would get more funny out of that than your average sitcom. | ||
| If you filmed four days of just a few hours a day... | ||
| Me at the kiosk. | ||
| Yeah, it would be hilarious. | ||
| By like day three, you would have an act. | ||
| You would already know things that you could say to people that were hilarious on camera. | ||
| But, you know, here's the rub, because, you know, I'm older now, and, like, I have to go to the bathroom pretty much, like, every 35 minutes. | ||
| So who would watch my kiosk? | ||
| Well, you get one of those things that dudes use when they race car drive. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's like a condom catheter. | ||
| You wrap that baby over your pattern. | ||
| Oh, I wear, like, a diaper or something. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| No, it's, like, it's a condom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| It goes over your... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And it goes into a bag. | ||
| And you can keep the bag, like, strapped to your side, like a pistol. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Or you can... | ||
| Or you can... | ||
| Hold on to it like a briefcase or a bowling ball bag. | ||
| Or just get a courtesy bucket. | ||
| Yeah, but then people are going to smell piss. | ||
| What about a good neighbor? | ||
| Maybe the guy at the kiosk down can help me out. | ||
| Hey, lady who's selling moisturizer no one needs, can you watch my kiosk? | ||
| Don't worry, there's no business for either one of us. | ||
| You could definitely do that because it would be a television show. | ||
| So because it's a television show, you could actually get people that were customers to watch the kiosk for you. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You can totally do it. | ||
| Put a camera on them and see if they steal money. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That would be good, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, just say, this is the code. | ||
| Test them. | ||
| If anybody buys anything, you know how to count, right? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So, the guy gives you $20, you give them back $4.64, right? | ||
| You know how to do that. | ||
| You know what's cool? | ||
| Because some of those kiosks, they really do, like, they have, like, these, you know, they're selling things now that are really, I guess you could say, like, old school sorcery. | ||
| You know, like, just magic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they'll be like, look at this... | ||
| Look at this glitter thing, right? | ||
| Now we're going to make it look like, you know, do you miss your dead grandma? | ||
| Okay, now we can put that on a shirt and have her talk. | ||
| I'm like, wow, this is great. | ||
| Where's Houdini to debunk this? | ||
| Yeah, they're virtually going to have shirts that talk to you, right? | ||
| I'm telling you, they do. | ||
| That'll be the new thing. | ||
| It's a new merch. | ||
| It's a new level of merch. | ||
| Where you, like, run your hand across your chest and they go, step, bitch! | ||
| Yeah, it's for the dubstep kids. | ||
| That would be cool. | ||
| Just keep your mouth shut and your shirt talks, you know? | ||
| Or if it was Red Fox on your shirt. | ||
| Oh, that would be the best. | ||
| He goes, you big dummy. | ||
| Kids today, they don't know shit about Red Fox, do they? | ||
| They don't. | ||
| They really don't. | ||
| That was one of my favorite albums. | ||
| Red Fox, the Hello Dummy for Don Rickles, which is all crowd work, by the way. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It was groundbreaking with all that crowd work. | ||
| So when you're a little kid in mind, you have to imagine a crowd. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, I only heard, when I was a little kid, the comedy albums I heard for the longest time We're all just like Cheech and Chong type stuff. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I heard Cheech and Chong and Bill Cosby, but I can't remember if Bill Cosby, he must have done it with an audience, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, he was rock hard, man. | ||
| He was already doing like those big theater shows and stuff like that. | ||
| I mean, maybe there's like ones from the 60s, the early 60s, where it was like, you know, like he's really super polite, you know, because, you know, like he had to come in through the kitchen, you know, back segregation style, you know, like one of those kind of things. | ||
| But other than that, I remember his stuff and it was always like a big event, you know? | ||
| Yeah, he's a guy who probably doesn't get enough credit, like, as a stand-up comic. | ||
| Yeah, you know, he's a storyteller comic, and I think that's kind of cool. | ||
| But I always liked what you said, like a Red Foxx. | ||
| I like the guys. | ||
| Those were, like, called party tapes or party albums. | ||
| And, like, you know, if you were listening to that, that meant that you were cool. | ||
| Like, wow, man, this is jazz! | ||
| Yeah, Red Foxx was like jazz comedy. | ||
| Did you ever hear any of the Red Foxx comedy club tapes? | ||
| No, I've never heard that. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Red Fox at one point in time had a comedy club, apparently. | ||
| Where? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's got to be one of those cool, like, Topeka, Kansas. | ||
| No, I think it was probably like Peoria, Illinois or stuff like that. | ||
| Okay, there you go. | ||
| And we should find out. | ||
| Find out where Red Fox's comedy club was. | ||
| But he had Richard Pryor on a stage all the time, and they would record him, and you'd buy him in cassettes. | ||
| And I've not seen them online. | ||
| I used to own them on a cassette at one point in time. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| But they were these great old sets where Pryor was just... | ||
| It was a small crowd, and Pryor was just fucking around. | ||
| Like, he'd be making shit up, like, as he was going along. | ||
| You could totally tell he was making shit up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Was he famous then, or was it, like, before? | ||
| I think he was, like, famous, like... | ||
| Maybe like us famous. | ||
| Like not real famous. | ||
| Not like Richard Pryor famous. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| He was on his way to becoming Richard Pryor famous. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he would fuck around in these small clubs like Red Fox's Club. | ||
| It was just, oh man, as a comic, I remember I was an open miker and I would drive to gigs and listen to them. | ||
| Oh man, I'm jealous of that. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| I'm reading Flip Wilson's book. | ||
| You know, Flip Wilson's another guy who like, you ask anybody under 40, they'll be like, who? | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, I remember. | ||
| He, you know, I'm not through the whole book yet, but him and Red Fox had this kind of like love-hate relationship because Red Fox was like hardcore and Flip Wilson was like, you know, the up-and-coming guy. | ||
| And supposedly like Red was really kind of like tough loving on Flip. | ||
| And then Flip was like, you know, he'd borrow money from me. | ||
| He wouldn't even recognize me. | ||
| Like, you know, you walk in a club and like he wouldn't even say hello or anything like that. | ||
| And then he got a call from Flip. | ||
| No, Red Foxx was on Carson. | ||
| And he said, who is the funniest guy in the country? | ||
| Johnny asked me. | ||
| He goes, Flip Wilson. | ||
| And the next day he got a call. | ||
| To be on the show, and that kind of started his whole career. | ||
| So he owes his whole career to Red Fox. | ||
| Isn't that cool? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That is cool, you know? | ||
| That's very cool. | ||
| His fucking show was funny, man. | ||
| Flip Wilson show. | ||
| Oh, oh, Reds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But Flip Wilson was funny too, man. | ||
| I remember Flip Wilson from back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, you know, like, when you read the book and you read, like, what he went through and all that kind of stuff, it was like, you know, the trials and tribulations of, like, the early, early road, plus the segregation and all that stuff. | ||
| I mean, like, it really is kind of a really interesting story, almost like a Hobbit-like journey adventure, you know, of ups and downs and stuff like that. | ||
| But Red Foxx is definitely the guy. | ||
| He was hardcore, you know, and you gotta love hardcore. | ||
| What a unique American perspective to be a black man who grew up in that era and then became a huge celebrity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What a shift of things that must have been for him and how strange it must have been to go through... | ||
| Like, when you're talking about Cosby having to go through the kitchen, that really rang a bell with me. | ||
| I'm thinking about that. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| I wasn't saying it to be a dick or anything. | ||
| I mean, like, they really had to, like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You know, and this stuff... | ||
| The stuff that they, like, you know, like, traveling. | ||
| You know, like, think about it back then. | ||
| Segregation, like, they couldn't wait in the train station. | ||
| You know, they had to, like, catch it on the way out, you know, or something, you know. | ||
| It's really, like, you know. | ||
| It's incredible that it was in our lifetime. | ||
| Oh, absolutely, yeah. | ||
| It's just hard to wrap your head around the idea that people were capable of judging people just by the color of their skin just a few years ago. | ||
| And really today, too. | ||
| There's plenty of people that do it today. | ||
| They just can't do it as openly as whites-only faucets and shit like that. | ||
| Well, the Sterling thing, I mean, everybody's talking about, what do you think about this, dude? | ||
| He's an old dude, man. | ||
| 82. There's a lot of old racists, man. | ||
| There's a lot of old guys that grew up in that era, you know? | ||
| I mean, think about if you're 82 years old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy has been around, man. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| You know, so 40 years ago, 40 years ago, we're talking about the 1970s, you know, the 60s before that when he was like our age. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy was, he's old as fuck, man. | ||
| Well, I hope it doesn't make everybody think that all 82-year-old Jewish general managers of NBA teams with a super hot 22-year-old girlfriend are racist. | ||
| You know, the dude obviously got set up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But isn't it weird that, like, what if we find that more people think like that? | ||
| Like, what if we're persecuting this guy now because he said it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what if we find out, like, sometime in the future, you know, just have a guy sit down and stare into a screen for a couple of seconds and they read your eyeballs and go, oh, you fucking hate black people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| And, like, it turns out that, like, this shit has been in your head the whole time. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| And people have been saying things the whole time. | ||
| It starts, like, reading your memory of all the different times of the past when you called someone a nigger. | ||
| Like, oh shit! | ||
| And it just starts pulling it out of your brain. | ||
| And like, hey man, you did everything you persecuted that guy for. | ||
| I think there's a lot of people doing that. | ||
| And there's a lot of people that are jumping up to blame the guy. | ||
| Yeah, he's definitely a racist. | ||
| Yeah, he definitely shouldn't be working with the NBA, but he's an old dude. | ||
| It's more sad than anything. | ||
| Well, that's funny how you bring it up, like, you know, like, how racist is somebody? | ||
| Like, I think if you watch the Winter Olympics, you're a racist, because that is the whitest thing, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| All that ice skating and skiing, that's all white. | ||
| It's just whiteness. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| Yeah, so it's like, if you know Sochi, and I'm like, mm-hmm, there you go. | ||
| Yeah, there's probably racists that move far north just to get away from black people. | ||
| Like, they know they're going to be around white people. | ||
| Only white people are crazy enough to want to ski all the time. | ||
| White flight. | ||
| At first I was thinking, though, what if he has, like, early signs of, uh... | ||
| Autism. | ||
| Autism, uh... | ||
| The other one. | ||
| Yeah, the... | ||
| Where you can't... | ||
| Now I can't think of... | ||
| Amnesia? | ||
| Uh, Alzheimer's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alzheimer's. | |
| Because I know when my great-grandmother had Alzheimer's, she was racist as fuck, and she thought I was her husband, and, like, it was just... | ||
| And she sounded normal. | ||
| She's like, oh, you're Brian. | ||
| Oh, come here, baby. | ||
| You know, like... | ||
| Well, that's a good point, really. | ||
| Because anyone who gets older, like that old, your brain's compromised. | ||
| There's just no doubt about it. | ||
| It's a sad thing to witness. | ||
| They get dementia. | ||
| They get real wacky. | ||
| It's a sad thing to witness, but it's inevitable, it seems like. | ||
| They've never figured out anything to slow it down, either. | ||
| Once that shit starts, it's going to keep going bad. | ||
| It's even scarier also to think how horrible that woman was in it. | ||
| Like, she just made me mad because you could tell how much she was fishing that poor guy, you know? | ||
| But how many girls do that? | ||
| Like, record, like, get to the end of a relationship, like, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to ruin this guy by recording them and posting their text messages. | ||
| Well, he's a multi-billionaire who says a lot of racist shit, and she's half black, you know? | ||
| I mean, how do you think that feels to her? | ||
| She was half pissed. | ||
| She's half black. | ||
| I think she's half Mexican, too. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| She's a beautiful girl. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, she is hot. | ||
| She probably felt like, fuck this old racist asshole that I've been blowing for the past couple years. | ||
| Yeah, but really, how old is she? | ||
| She's in her 20s, right? | ||
| I don't know, but Vivid and a black cock need to get together with her. | ||
| Well, it's already happened. | ||
| That was one of the things that I thought was hilarious about the recording was that the dude said, I don't care if you fuck them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he wants to watch. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| She's going to be now. | ||
| Might be all cuckoldy. | ||
| Yeah, there's dudes that are purposely targeting her. | ||
| Their dicks are like guided missiles. | ||
| Giant athletes. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| She should have thought it out also because, you know, I'm sure they broke up, right? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Where else is she going to find another 82-year-old billionaire Jewish owner of a NBA team? | ||
| I mean, if that's her style, her guy, you know? | ||
| You know, it's really hilarious that prostitution is illegal. | ||
| It really is hilarious. | ||
| Because if prostitution wasn't illegal, none of this would be a problem. | ||
| That guy, look, their relationship, I mean, who knows what it was at one point in time, but it's safe to say... | ||
| That when it boils down to a chick recording you and baiting you to talk bad about black people, that the fucking relationship is, like, she doesn't really like you anymore. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Obviously, right? | ||
| In fact, she's trying to get back. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| So she targeted him for money. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| But the crazy thing is that, like, his wife is trying to get the money back now, saying that she embezzled it. | ||
| Look, that's how it goes. | ||
| If you're an old, wrinkly dude, and you want to bang a hot chick, you've got to give her something. | ||
| Yeah, but if you have grandchildren older than your girlfriend, because he has to have grandchildren that are older than her. | ||
| He probably does. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| But what do we care? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If she wants to fuck him and he promises her a condo, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I think it's an important point, though, to get the guy out of the NBA. I think that's an important point. | ||
| I think it's awesome that they did that. | ||
| Did they ban him, for real? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Because fuck that guy, man. | ||
| Fuck that feeling that someone around you who owns the team feels like that about black people. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| Ooh, goddamn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How does he get hot? | |
| Oh, he's beautiful. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| That's how it works, man. | ||
| If you want to get one of those, you gotta pay. | ||
| He doesn't look 82 to me. | ||
| He looks about 84. Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He looks good. | |
| He looks about as bad as you can look and still be alive. | ||
| But remember, he's a billionaire, so that's money. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| That's that kind of money. | ||
| I guess I'll have to buy an island and be a king. | ||
| I mean, what is he going to do? | ||
| You know what he did? | ||
| He fucked up. | ||
| Because he, in some ways, didn't recognize the relationship. | ||
| Didn't recognize what was going on there. | ||
| In some ways, he must have been roped into the romance of it all. | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| What he should have done is he's got so much fucking money, and let's be realistic, not much fucking time. | ||
| How much time does that guy have? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I think powerful rich guys, for some reason, that gives you another seven years or something. | ||
| It's like the reverse of smoking. | ||
| It's just like evil power gives you another seven years. | ||
| I don't think he's using it. | ||
| He can't be. | ||
| A billion dollars is like... | ||
| A person who's 30 would have a really hard time spending a billion dollars. | ||
| I mean, you have to be a real fucking asshole to go through a billion dollars. | ||
| I think this cat, if he just was a little bit more generous with his money, recognized the situation, and said, listen, you know, I got a billion dollars. | ||
| That's a thousand million. | ||
| How am I going to throw a couple million your way? | ||
| He should have thrown a gold bar at her head. | ||
| Wouldn't that be great? | ||
| Now shut the fuck up! | ||
| Damn, I think that's misogynist. | ||
| Wouldn't that be the best? | ||
| That's misogyny. | ||
| They're both wearing crowns, like real crowns, not like Chuck E. Cheese crowns. | ||
| Real crowns. | ||
| I couldn't hear you. | ||
| I'm wearing a gold crown. | ||
| He sits around the house in a bathrobe, Rodney Dangerfield style, his dick hanging out with a chroma. | ||
| Yeah, that was the best. | ||
| Rodney, God bless him, you know. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| The last few years of Rodney, that was the best. | ||
| Rodney was great, man. | ||
| He, you know, you got to say one thing. | ||
| Like, there's some guys who get famous and can't handle it. | ||
| He handled it. | ||
| He loved it. | ||
| Like a boss. | ||
| He loved it. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| He was already an older man when he became famous. | ||
| And he had worked. | ||
| Like, he had given up on show business for a long time and went back to work. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Someone was on the show. | ||
| It was like an aluminum cider or something like that. | ||
| Someone on the show was talking about it. | ||
| God, I wish I could remember who it was. | ||
| It might have been Fitzsimmons. | ||
| I'll find out. | ||
| He'll be here on Thursday. | ||
| But Rodney went back and kept writing. | ||
| So when he went back to comedy after all those years off, he had like notebook upon notebook upon notebook filled with jokes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, it was Hinchcliffe. | ||
| That's who it was. | ||
| It was Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Because, yeah, Tony actually is a great joke writer, too. | ||
| He's fucking hilarious, that kid. | ||
| He was with me and Brea this weekend, and he rocked it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that kid. | |
| He's hilarious. | ||
| I take him with me all the time. | ||
| He kills it on the road. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, cool. | |
| That's excellent. | ||
| See, that's what I like about you, man. | ||
| It's like, you know, like, I'm doing this comedy underground show. | ||
| I don't want to self-promote or anything, but, like, it's about, like, getting the new guys who don't really fit yet, like, anywhere. | ||
| Like, you know, they're, like, new. | ||
| Getting them out there. | ||
| Letting them do, like, a raw, uncensored set. | ||
| That's really important. | ||
| You've been doing that for years, so, dude. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| Well, thank you, sir. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Well, you know, what I did was when I first started coming up and doing comedy, I had a really hard time getting gigs because I was dirty. | ||
| And I had a lot of people tell me that I had to clean my act up or clean my act up now. | ||
| And then, you know, once you make it, then you can do whatever you want. | ||
| But until you're a headliner and people come to see you, you can't do that. | ||
| And I never understood then. | ||
| I get it now from their point of view. | ||
| So it makes it really hard for these guys to work. | ||
| You know, like a guy like Diaz or a guy like Ari. | ||
| Nobody wanted Diaz to open for them. | ||
| No one. | ||
| But for me, I thought, like, this guy... | ||
| I mean, I think, how does a guy like that get an outlet unless it's the internet? | ||
| I mean, you can't put that guy on regular shows. | ||
| He doesn't come through. | ||
| You don't see what he really does. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And Joey's a hitter. | ||
| He's a headliner. | ||
| Both names that you just said, Ari and Joey, they're both headliners. | ||
| So to bring them out on the road, it's great because you're opening up to a whole new audience. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Because I know my audience is very cool with, like, Rough comedy, but they also like really good comedy, and they can take a joke. | ||
| They're not like groaners, really. | ||
| So when I bring out the guys and they do their rough stuff, they like it. | ||
| Yeah, they want to hear it. | ||
| And they know that it's Dave Attell approved. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's kind of what Rodney did. | ||
| You know, when Rodney did those HBO Young Comedian specials? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| It's really the same thing. | ||
| You know, those things stick in my head more than almost any other special. | ||
| It's like seeing like the Bill Hicks and the Dice Man, like just seeing them do their thing in those short doses. | ||
| Because you think about it now, it's like you're used to like a long redux of both of them. | ||
| But seeing them do like a little short set, like you don't see that much, you know? | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| Because they were like, in your mind, they're like mega stars. | ||
| But back then they were like guys just trying to break in, you know? | ||
| And they all broke through. | ||
| I mean, think about those old HBO specials. | ||
| You had Dom Irera. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| Yeah, Dom Irera, Dice Clay, Bill Hicks, Sam Kinison, Bob Nelson. | ||
| Remember Bob Nelson? | ||
| Bob Nelson from Long Island. | ||
| He was a legend there for 20 years before I even started comedy. | ||
| So when I first met him, I was like, oh my god, it's Bob Nelson. | ||
| I got a manager. | ||
| Sussman became my manager because of Bob Nelson. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Bob Nelson decided to go super Jesus. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And sober, you know, with like a guy who would be like a prayer buddy. | ||
| And the prayer buddy became his manager, I guess. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know the exact story. | ||
| That's so true. | ||
| He met a woman and he got re-baptized or whatever that is, you know. | ||
| And he... | ||
| He totally did a family-friendly act, and nobody was really digging it. | ||
| And I was like, you know, Bob was never that dirty. | ||
| No. | ||
| I was like, I don't know what, you know... | ||
| He didn't have to change anything. | ||
| Yeah, and for some reason, I guess... | ||
| No, I think he wouldn't do certain places because they served alcohol or something. | ||
| Oh, one of those things. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| I don't really know the whole story, but I do know that it was a heartache when he stopped doing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Wow. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a funny guy, man. | ||
| He was so, like... | ||
| Jiffy Jeff's gym. | ||
| It's funny bits, man. | ||
| Those are the things where, like, when he put the balloons, you know, to make the shoulder pads and all that kind of stuff, that was the thing where, like, you're like... | ||
| I feel sorry for the next guy who has to follow that because this is going to be like almost a tank beyond tanking. | ||
| Jamie, can you adjust the mic so that people can see Dave's face? | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Yeah, I tried to get a camera, but it didn't work. | ||
| Yeah, that's good. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird when you think back to those guys that sort of just dropped off that were really, really funny. | ||
| Ben Creed. | ||
| Do you remember him? | ||
| I do remember Ben Creed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like these names because I always think of them as Long Island. | ||
| I'm very precious on it. | ||
| You know, I'm sure you talked about this, because you, you know, you're a supporter of comedy, but Otto and George, who, you know, I called into ONA, and I go, you know, I think I asked Norton, I go, did he ever work, you know, did he ever work LA? And he's like, no. | ||
| I go, well, he must have worked Vegas. | ||
| And I'm like, for those, you know, the fans listening and all that, he was, he recently passed away. | ||
| He was a great ventriloquist. | ||
| There was no one like him. | ||
| And I wish I had seen one of those Vegas shows. | ||
| That must have been Awesome. | ||
| Because he is not a Vegas act. | ||
| No, he's not. | ||
| I did Dangerfields with him. | ||
| I did the prom shows. | ||
| We did like five weeks in a row. | ||
| The prom shows. | ||
| See, now that's the bootleg I want to hear. | ||
| Oh my god, we had so much fun. | ||
| It was a crazy... | ||
| Do you remember Dangerfields? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you remember the big Scottish guy that used to run it before the sun took over? | ||
| No, I don't remember that guy. | ||
| He was this big Scottish powerlifter. | ||
| He was fucking hilarious. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He was funnier than 90% of the comedians there. | ||
| And he was a massive, massive guy. | ||
| And he would do these barbarian fucking powerlifts in his backyard. | ||
| He had Olympic weights in his backyard. | ||
| He'd do deadlifts and shit all day. | ||
| The guy was enormous. | ||
| Really? | ||
| But not like a bodybuilder, just like this huge barrel of meat. | ||
| He would grab kids. | ||
| I saw him grab a kid by the neck, grabbed his neck and his pants, and lifted him up during one of the prom shows. | ||
| Because those Long Island and Bronx kids, they get crazy aggressive. | ||
| The Tri-States. | ||
| A kid went on stage, took Al Lubel's microphone away from him, and blew smoke in his face. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, and Alubel had a meltdown. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| No one knew what the fuck to do. | ||
| It was insanity. | ||
| Nobody stopped it. | ||
| Was he naked at that point? | ||
| Because, you know, he takes off his clothes at the end of his act. | ||
| He stopped doing that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's when he stopped doing that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know, after the guy takes your microphone, then he goes, continue with your jokes! | ||
| You can't really whip your cock out then. | ||
| Those prom shows, I think every comic has to go through those years of the prom shows. | ||
| There's two things that happen at the prom show. | ||
| One of them is that you're like, what high school is this? | ||
| These kids, they're already too adult for what you think. | ||
| And then you get really old and you're like, wow, this is weird. | ||
| But now those kind of kids, the fun kids, the bad kids, that's like... | ||
| Over. | ||
| Now, like, the kids come out, they're all rolling on, you know, Adderall, and, you know, they got their phones out, they're happy, you know, they're just glad to be out. | ||
| I had a cheap thing that I would do, where I'd get them on my side, like, right away, when I'd do a prom show. | ||
| I don't remember the exact wording, but it was something along the lines of, you know, what you guys are right now is adults that don't know anything. | ||
| And all these motherfuckers that are adults that are telling you what to do, look at their lives, look how miserable they are, and stop. | ||
| Stop the whole thing, take it from here. | ||
| You know, it's basically like the foundation of my philosophy that I formed over life, but this is when I was 21, and I really was way too stupid to have opinions. | ||
| I was an idiot. | ||
| You're like the older brother. | ||
| I was probably a little older than 21 because I was in New York, so I must have been 24. Those days were crazy. | ||
| I don't even know if they... | ||
| Don't they do like... | ||
| Promises are different now. | ||
| They're like political statements and stuff. | ||
| It's like, I'm bringing a spotted owl as my date because I believe in... | ||
| I'm going to adopt a highway. | ||
| We're not even going to go out. | ||
| If you took them to Dangerfields today and someone told a bunch of cunt jokes... | ||
| Oh, God! | ||
| Lord. | ||
| It would be on the front page of salon.com. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The club would be shut down. | ||
| What's that show that the improv does once in a while where they bring all those kids from a camp and you're like, I'm doing comedy in front of 11 year olds? | ||
| I did that once. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I did that once and they didn't even tell me to tone it down. | ||
| Ari went up in front of me and got crazy dirty. | ||
| I mean, Ari was just, all he wanted to talk about was like, who here's Heather Dick sucked? | ||
| Raise your hand. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He's like, it's awesome, right? | ||
| Is it awesome? | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| If you have it, you should try it. | ||
| And people were going nuts. | ||
| Red-faced. | ||
| Everybody was freaking out. | ||
| Isn't that the worst? | ||
| I forget the exact words he was using, but it was something along those lines. | ||
| Like, ask them, like, have you figured a girl yet? | ||
| And people were like, what? | ||
| Yeah, all the comics were like, I'm not changing my material. | ||
| I'm not going to, like, so everyone just did it, like, dirty and the kids love it. | ||
| But what was more uncomfortable was watching the chaperones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because they're like, what? | ||
| What are we supposed to do? | ||
| They're the ones who are going to get fired. | ||
| That's a long bus ride back to the camp. | ||
| Who wants ice cream? | ||
| Stop shaking. | ||
| Who wants ice cream? | ||
| I would love to see Ari in that situation. | ||
| Sometimes even Ari makes me feel uncomfortable when I'm watching him. | ||
| I'm an adult. | ||
| When we would do the prom shows, they wouldn't rotate out the audience. | ||
| So there's 200 people in the crowd, right? | ||
| Dangerfield holds about 200, right? | ||
| Not a big room. | ||
| It's not a big room. | ||
| It's a dark room, though. | ||
| So you really don't know. | ||
| Very cool room. | ||
| Anyway, they would get those people in, then they would just start shoving new people in. | ||
| a rotation. | ||
| So it would be like Otto and George, me, Alou Bell, a couple other guys. | ||
| And they would do a lineup and then when the lineup was over they would just reintroduce your first comedian and you were supposed to tell the exact same jokes to the same people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| They would leave. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| That was their strategy for crowd control. | ||
| So the guy says to me, he goes, I think his name is Darren. | ||
| He goes, you've got to stop telling new jokes. | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| He goes, because you're doing like five shows a night. | ||
| He goes, you've got to stop telling new jokes trying to get these people out of here. | ||
| You've got to go back to the same jokes. | ||
| They go, oh my god. | ||
| I'm like, you can't tell me what to do. | ||
| You can't tell me what to say. | ||
| Yeah, really? | ||
| Our job description is confused here. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| You hire me. | ||
| I'm a subcontractor. | ||
| That's why you don't pay me insurance. | ||
| I go on for 30 minutes, and you don't tell me what to do. | ||
| You either hire me or you don't. | ||
| That Danger Feels Club, I'm glad you brought that up, because they have rules there that no other club... | ||
| Did you ever bring up, why is there such a big piano on stage? | ||
| And then they'll be like, oh, you've got to understand that this was the original. | ||
| They have all these different things. | ||
| Don't even ask for a fork there. | ||
| It's like, we don't allow a fork since the blah, blah. | ||
| Everything is this long historical story. | ||
| And I just know to get booked there, you have to call in almost... | ||
| Six months in advance. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's like, how's your 2015 looking? | ||
| I was like, I don't know. | ||
| I don't even know if I'm going to be doing comedy by then. | ||
| It's still like that? | ||
| The last time I called out, I was like, we try and book a month in advance. | ||
| And in comedy, you go week to week, if that. | ||
| Well, in cities. | ||
| Yeah, in the cities. | ||
| When you're booking a club, a headliner club on the road, like Zany's in Nashville or something along those lines. | ||
| But if it's like New York or L.A., Yeah, for like a $20 spot. | ||
| Back then, I think it was like $15, maybe $12 or something like that. | ||
| But to go like, what are you doing next month? | ||
| And in your mind, you're like, I know I'm available because I suck. | ||
| But what if something amazing happens? | ||
| Yeah, you can't book out that far in advance. | ||
| Well, they're so old school, they have a different era appeal to them. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The whole place does. | ||
| You feel like you're in a time capsule when you walk into it. | ||
| That's like the comedy store in LA. Like, that is the most clubby feel club in this town. | ||
| And, like, whenever I go in there, I always feel, like, a little bit more relaxed, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, you know, I'm not putting down the other clubs, but I'd say, like, that's as clubby and New York clubby as it gets here, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I agree. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's the darkest... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's also the least intrusive and sometimes it goes bad because it's LA and there's a lot of people in LA that want a lot of fucking attention. | ||
| There's a lot of people in LA that don't make good audience members because they want a lot of attention and there's no crowd control at the comedy store. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's all comics work in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So, you know, I mean, that's how Mitzi wanted it. | ||
| She wanted the lunatics to run the asylum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| She thought that would create the most comedy, which it probably did, but, you know, you're dealing with so many dickwads there. | ||
| If you put that club in other cities, like, if that club was in New York, you know, same look, same feel to it, you'd probably get better audiences. | ||
| There's definitely a difference in the audience out here, and I'm not... | ||
| I'm not saying it's wrong or anything, but there's a lot more watchers here than actual, like, you know, you feel like they're, like, you know, like, you don't know if they're having a good time because they're just kind of sitting and watching. | ||
| Whereas in New York, there's a little bit more interaction. | ||
| There's a little bit more give and take. | ||
| But I would say on a whole, I'm sure your audience is live when you go on the road or, like, you play, like, the Ice House or something like that. | ||
| They're pumped. | ||
| I don't feel that nowadays. | ||
| I feel like they're like, okay, let's give this a whirl. | ||
| Let's give it a try. | ||
| I hope it's worth my time because there's a lot of great clips I want to watch on my feed. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm so old. | ||
| Are those right terms? | ||
| I think that audiences are better now than they have been in years because of the internet. | ||
| I think people are more comedy fans than they've ever been before. | ||
| I hope you're right. | ||
| I feel like, especially that cool audience that really likes the hard, dirty, I feel like they're an endangered species. | ||
| I feel like, where are these people? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| The Les Mohegans, where are they? | ||
| We have preserves. | ||
| We have game preserves. | ||
| We keep them. | ||
| We have to. | ||
| We bring them out for desk broad shows. | ||
| Well, that's good that you connect with them like that. | ||
| And I know your fans like it that way. | ||
| But I'm saying like, you know, especially when I did the Comedy Underground, you know, I was like, you know, this is like the last roundup of the Rough Dirty. | ||
| You know, I really felt that way. | ||
| Well, it's not that the audience isn't there, man. | ||
| It's just the amount of connection that you have to the audience. | ||
| Like, I've got a good connection with Twitter and a good connection with Facebook and social media and podcasting. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm always, like, so they know where to find me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Whereas, like, there's a lot of those comedy, dirty comedy fans, they just might not hear you're in town. | ||
| They might not hear you're coming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| They might not know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's people that work in offices, people that have jobs and mortgages and kids, and they're fucking busy. | ||
| They don't have time to, and then they're like, oh, David Tell was in town? | ||
| Ah, fuck, we missed him. | ||
| And that happens all the time. | ||
| It's gonna happen. | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| Like you said, all those different things, which are all like now, they're not choices. | ||
| You have to do all those things. | ||
| Then I was like in my head flashing back to like Howie Mandel. | ||
| You remember when he was doing those hour specials? | ||
| It was like he put on that big fake hand. | ||
| It's like, I'm there. | ||
| I'm there. | ||
| Get the car ready. | ||
| We're going. | ||
| This guy's wearing a crazy hand. | ||
| He blew up a balloon with his nose! | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Yeah, he would do it with his nose, right? | ||
| He would put it over his whole head and blow it up with his nose. | ||
| When I was young, you know that in your 20s when you got some money, but you got no money? | ||
| But you got money for something dumb? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I was like, Uncle Floyd is in town. | ||
| Oh, dude, I gotta see this guy. | ||
| It's like, pay my student loan? | ||
| That can wait. | ||
| I have to see this guy who is some kind of weird... | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| Yes, dude. | ||
| I bombed going on after Uncle Floyd. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| What a cool story to actually go on after him. | ||
| Yeah, I had no idea who he was, and I was in New Jersey. | ||
| Apparently, he's a legend in New Jersey. | ||
| In parts of New Jersey. | ||
| And I thought I was going to kill. | ||
| I was like, oh, this is going to be great. | ||
| I'm going to go on after this old dude. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| They loved him. | ||
| They loved him. | ||
| They were screaming out all these phrases and sayings that I didn't understand, I'd never heard of. | ||
| He's definitely like a local, almost like you know how there was a million bozos? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like clowns that were on your TV. He's that guy. | ||
| He was like our... | ||
| You know, our kids' show before, you know, I guess, Nickelodeon, you know? | ||
| But it was an adult kids' show. | ||
| But what was he on? | ||
| Was he on Cable Access? | ||
| No! | ||
| He was on, like, Channel 9. It was, like, local whatever that was. | ||
| I think he was, like, right before cable. | ||
| It was, like, right before cable. | ||
| Yeah, there aren't any real local shows anymore, are there? | ||
| They're just, like, local news shows. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Do you remember when Stern had that local show in New York? | ||
| Oh, that was great. | ||
| He was on a late night channel or something like that? | ||
| That was his variety show. | ||
| I don't know all the particulates on that because I just remember it fleetingly, but that was great. | ||
| You'd always tune in and there was some, I guess you could say a carnival freak about to do something. | ||
| He brought all that into the show. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| And it was just some... | ||
| I don't know what channel it was, but it wasn't like NBC or CBS. No, it was like local Channel 9 or Channel 3 or something like that in New York. | ||
| WPIX, maybe. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it was probably like a cable channel, right? | ||
| Was it a cable show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That might have been Cable. | ||
| That might have been Cable. | ||
| How about Bill Boggs? | ||
| Do you remember him? | ||
| Bill Boggs, the baseball player? | ||
| No, Bill Boggs was a local, another guy in New York. | ||
| This is all East Coast. | ||
| I apologize, guys. | ||
| But he was another guy who was like, he was somewhere between like Regis and Maury Povich. | ||
| He was like this kind of nice guy. | ||
| But then he did like a comedy variety show. | ||
| And that was, I think, the first show that I met. | ||
| I met Daniel Gould there. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| There was like a couple of great comics that were like hanging out there and like, Dana Gould, who was like a boy comic, you know that, right? | ||
| Like 17 or something like that. | ||
| Was he really? | ||
| Yeah, he was on that show and I was like, wow, man, this guy knows what he's doing. | ||
| I met Dana way, way, way back in the day in Boston. | ||
| And then that was before he stopped doing comedy. | ||
| Like he was just about to do his Showtime special. | ||
| He had a Showtime special, I believe, and he was just about to do it. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| This was years and years ago. | ||
| Oh yeah, years and years ago. | ||
| And then he just stopped doing comedy and he was writing, I think, for The Simpsons, right? | ||
| He was writing for The Simpsons for, I think, over 10 years. | ||
| And I saw him at that Comedy Meltdown show and I was like, whoa, dude, where have you been? | ||
| Because I always loved his act. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird when a guy comes back, right? | ||
| Well, you know, you guys are all married with families and stuff like that. | ||
| You know, I'm amazed to ever see you guys, like, out on a Tuesday night, you know? | ||
| I'm like, whoa, look who it is, you know? | ||
| I come out and... | ||
| Yeah, no, you like to do your time. | ||
| I gotta do time. | ||
| If you don't... | ||
| I feel like if you don't do sets, like, regular weekends or weekday sets, you have to do them, man. | ||
| You have to, like, pop in with the improv. | ||
| You have to... | ||
| You know, do spots at the Ice House. | ||
| We do the Ice House all the time. | ||
| That is such a cool hang, man, that place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's the best. | |
| That's excellent, yeah. | ||
| The Ice House is the best. | ||
| The vibe of the place is fantastic. | ||
| And the fact that we've done, how many podcasts have we done from there? | ||
| Shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tons. | |
| We're almost at 100, and we've got Thunder Pussy now, awesome. | ||
| Yeah, and the Thunder Pussy shows we do there? | ||
| Yeah, what is that, exactly? | ||
| You've got to do that. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You ever do a question and answer with your crowd? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw Seinfeld do it once. | ||
| I stole the idea from him. | ||
| I saw Seinfeld when I was an open-miker. | ||
| I was just about to do comedy. | ||
| I think I was a week before or a week after, whatever it was, and I saw him with this chick that I used to bang from high school. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| We're back together again at 21. You ever do those? | ||
| Chick, you're banging when you're 17. All of a sudden, boom, both of you are 21, like adults driving around. | ||
| Are you going to give it to her? | ||
| Anyway, so we're going to see Seinfeld. | ||
| It's an exciting night. | ||
| And so he comes out, he does the set, kills, gets this big round of applause, leaves, and then comes back out for a question and answer. | ||
| And the question and answer, people would ask things, and he would just start riffing or telling jokes about that subject. | ||
| Yeah, I love that. | ||
| I kind of do that, I guess. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of comics. | ||
| I think we all do that, yeah. | ||
| I've done it, I used to do it a lot after shows. | ||
| But this is, the whole show is that. | ||
| From the beginning to the end. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| No material. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What it is, is they yell out, you know, talk about the fucking Clippers owner. | ||
| Yeah, okay, that's cool. | ||
| And you're like, alright, this fucking guy. | ||
| And then, you know... | ||
| You'd be amazed at how much comedy gets improvised out of that that you could actually use. | ||
| Dude, I've got two really good bits from that. | ||
| We've got to set that up for maybe... | ||
| We have one this Friday. | ||
| Damn it! | ||
| I'm in Santa Barbara! | ||
| Motherfucker, let's do it Saturday. | ||
| That's great that you do that. | ||
| Can you move it to Saturday? | ||
| I can see. | ||
| Yeah, move Friday to Saturday and I'm in. | ||
| Fucking Rogan's pre-Bitana. | ||
| Move the show just for you. | ||
| I'm pre-tweeting you guys. | ||
| You know, it's cool that you brought up Seinfeld. | ||
| Have you done his show? | ||
| No, the Cars and Coffee? | ||
| I call it Millionaires Wearing Seatbelts. | ||
| I'm not putting anyone down, but I like how in the beginning they all have to look like, okay, now we're getting our own coffee? | ||
| Is that what this is? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Pretend you're not in a helicopter right now. | ||
| He had a million dollar Porsche he was driving around from 1973. How cool is that? | ||
| It's a 1973 Carrera RS. You're not a car guy like that, are you? | ||
| I don't have it like that. | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| I have a couple of cars. | ||
| That's cool to have a couple of cars, but I mean, you're not like a classic car dude, right? | ||
| No, I don't like old shit. | ||
| I like the new shit with technology. | ||
| Like, I have a Porsche, and it has, like, the Porsche's technology is really old. | ||
| This car's a 2007. It's a, you know, 70-year-old car anyway. | ||
| But their navigation systems, they're dog shit. | ||
| They don't have updates where they get, like, traffic. | ||
| You need all that. | ||
| I mean, it's out there. | ||
| Why wouldn't you have it? | ||
| Like... | ||
| I have a friend who has one of the brand new Porsches, and it doesn't have traffic updates. | ||
| I go, what is this? | ||
| I go, this is some 2006 shit. | ||
| Like, why do you have... | ||
| You know, I had like a traffic warning like four years ago, or like three or four years ago on one of my cars. | ||
| So I always put like new shit in there. | ||
| I think that's, you know... | ||
| That to me is like when people go like, what's the road like? | ||
| I'm like, have you ever smelled a road comics car? | ||
| That, there is no, it's somewhere between submarine and like, I mean, it smells like 15 different types of Taco Bell from like different states. | ||
| Jimmy John's mixing with Delta, you know, it's like the Charlie wipes would give up on that. | ||
| There would be nothing, like the guy shat in there, he fucked in there, you know, he cried in there, you know. | ||
| Did you ever see Ralphie Mae's car? | ||
| No, I've never seen it. | ||
| It's ruthless. | ||
| There's something about the road car smell. | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| Is that Stern? | ||
| Yeah, Howard Stern's on the latest episode. | ||
| This is what I don't like, is that these cars are all classic. | ||
| I mean, for him, it must be really fun, because he's an aficionado. | ||
| But I guess I'm not that kind of an aficionado. | ||
| I don't like old cars. | ||
| That is a cool car. | ||
| He's dope as fuck. | ||
| That's a GTO. He's a Porsche guy. | ||
| I know that he collects Porsches, and I think a lot of these cars that he used on the show, he actually just rents for the show because he's had a couple breakdown before, and he's just like, oh, they're going to send us another one. | ||
| So I think maybe he just gets these cars for just the show. | ||
| Yeah, maybe you're right. | ||
| Well, I know he had Letterman's. | ||
| Letterman has a souped-up Volvo. | ||
| They did a show. | ||
| He has a Volvo with, like, a fucking 450-horsepower engine in it and a six-speed transmission. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's great. | ||
| I'm going to do a show. | ||
| He took a lot of shit, man. | ||
| He took a lot of shit for only having white people on a show. | ||
| Then he had Chris Rock on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Only white men. | ||
| Will you sing a douche? | ||
| I'm going to do a comics walking to Pink Dot after the... | ||
| So how did it go over there? | ||
| I didn't get on. | ||
| Alright, let's get a Snickers bar. | ||
| The walk to Pink Dot up Sunset. | ||
| That is my favorite walk, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's great. | |
| It's Saturday night at 2 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| Or Norm's with Don Bears. | ||
| That place crackles, dude. | ||
| Pink Dot? | ||
| That whole strip from that little trolley cart place that sells cheeseburgers. | ||
| What's that place? | ||
| Carnie's. | ||
| Carnie's. | ||
| From Carnie's on up. | ||
| That place crackles. | ||
| It's got a feeling. | ||
| It's like there's a vortex that's been created there. | ||
| Because I don't live here. | ||
| I'll be walking after the show. | ||
| I'll just be walking around because I'm New York time. | ||
| I want it later and all that. | ||
| In New York, if you're up late and somebody comes up to you, they usually want money or they're up to no good. | ||
| It might be a psychotic or something. | ||
| But if you're within, I'd say, a half a mile of the comedy store on a Monday night, you're going to walk into a comic. | ||
| So that guy would come up and be like, I'm a huge fan. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| He's wearing a hoodie. | ||
| I didn't even see him. | ||
| How many guys do you get hitting you up to ask to open for you on the road? | ||
| I get a lot of guys that I worked with, but I really have a small pool of dudes that I want to throw work through. | ||
| This weekend in Bray, it was Tony, as we talked about, and Sean Rouse, who I think... | ||
| Have you ever had Sean on here, Sean Rouse? | ||
| No, I haven't had him on. | ||
| You really should have him on here. | ||
| Absolutely, I do it. | ||
| He is an amazing dude. | ||
| He has rheumatoid arthritis, so he can't really travel that much. | ||
| But his act, and you'll back me up on this. | ||
| He's an amazing joke writer, and he also is hardcore. | ||
| He does not give a shit. | ||
| East Coast, I have other guys that do that, but now they're all headliners, so I feel like I've done my job with them. | ||
| But I like to use local guys too because I feel like, you know, a lot of guys roll into town, they bring their own support, and then these local guys are like, I never get on my own stage. | ||
| You know, it's my home club. | ||
| So I try and use the local guys to middle or at least do guest spots. | ||
| That's very cool of you. | ||
| I gave up on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You did? | |
| Well, you must be hit on like, you know, a thousand dudes. | ||
| Well, it's not just that. | ||
| I just had too many bad experiences with local dudes that I didn't know. | ||
| Like what was wrong? | ||
| Shitty material that I couldn't believe I had to listen to or just douchey guys. | ||
| Like remember when we did that Maxim tour with Charlie Murphy? | ||
| Remember that one guy that we ran into in Boston that was so fucking creepy? | ||
| He was like hanging around the green room and he was hammered and he was like staring at us sideways and he was like creepy, jealous, acting like a dick. | ||
| And we're sharing a green, me and Charlie Murphy and John Heffron, two great guys. | ||
| We're sharing this green room with this idiot, and then they just kicked him out. | ||
| He was fucking plastered. | ||
| And he was the opener? | ||
| In every town, we would take a local guy. | ||
| That's how I met Segura. | ||
| Segura was doing Phoenix. | ||
| He wasn't local, but for whatever reason, they chose him, and maybe he was in the area or something like that. | ||
| And I was like, holy shit, is this guy funny. | ||
| So then I started taking him on the road, too. | ||
| Yeah, they had local comedy competitions, and so I think Tom just applied for that comedy competition, won it, and then got... | ||
| He murdered it. | ||
| He was the number one guy, like, of all the people that were local guys that opened up for us. | ||
| McDermott also. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| But McDermott we met in Phoenix. | ||
| He did an open mic night. | ||
| That's where we met McDermott. | ||
| Or a contest. | ||
| Yeah, that's the contest. | ||
| It was a different contest. | ||
| Wasn't it? | ||
| I thought it was Men of Comedy. | ||
| I don't think it was because it was at the Improv and the show was at the Phoenix Theatre. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| It was just a regular show. | ||
| Yeah, the Celebrity Theatre was the one that's in the round. | ||
| It was just a regular show. | ||
| But it was some sort of a contest and Josh McDermott killed it. | ||
| And we were like, holy shit, this guy's funny. | ||
| And then that was one of those weekends that Joey vanished on us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because there was a series of weekends over the years where Diaz would just vanish. | ||
| And then, you know, sometimes you'd go, where the fuck did you go? | ||
| I told you, dog, I couldn't do that gig. | ||
| I told you. | ||
| I never left Vegas. | ||
| I told you. | ||
| And that's the classic story. | ||
| So I used to bring two guys on the road with me then. | ||
| So one guy could cover the spread. | ||
| If Joey would vanish. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| You got your backup. | ||
| Because I didn't want to stop using Joey. | ||
| It's like the president, he's got those two helicopters, you know, just in case. | ||
| The just in case guy. | ||
| Well, I'm like you. | ||
| It's like, I feel like I have an obligation to support these kind of guys. | ||
| Yeah, no, you're very good to you, dudes. | ||
| And I would say that, like, when I see a guy on the road, like, I let the club pick the opener a lot of the time. | ||
| I go, like, whoever the guy is that you want to do. | ||
| Because I always feel that, like... | ||
| Even if the guy is rough, at least he'll get to perform in front of a real crowd, which is sometimes difficult to get that going. | ||
| And usually a lot of the cleaner acts, the straight-ahead acts, don't want a dirty opener. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| Well, that's a real issue. | ||
| That was an issue for Shafir for a long time. | ||
| Guys didn't want to middle him. | ||
| Oh yeah, exactly. | ||
| Diaz guys don't want Diaz middling. | ||
| Diaz middled for a couple people at the Miami Improv. | ||
| It's just the most horrific thing you could ever win. | ||
| Can't follow him there. | ||
| That's his thing. | ||
| Well, he would do half his act in Spanish. | ||
| And they would go fucking crazy. | ||
| And he's Cuban. | ||
| So he's got a Cuban-Spanish accent. | ||
| So they know he's one of them. | ||
| I've never seen anybody murder 200 people the way Joey Diaz murdered 200 people in front of... | ||
| What is his name that sings? | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Kevin Meaney? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's like one of those, like, who made the lineup here? | ||
| Some asshole decided to have Joey Diaz in Miami open up for Kevin Meaney. | ||
| The worst thing is you do a casino show or something like that, and you're like, who can I get to open? | ||
| Because it's like a casino town. | ||
| Some guys will drive for it, of course, but then there's got to be some local guy, just a degenerate gambler guy that you're trying to call up. | ||
| Oh, I didn't know you lived in Reno, or something like that. | ||
| It's good that you do it, and I think that all the comics... | ||
| They know it's important that they tip the respect back up. | ||
| So this guy in the green room with Charlie, I don't know what that was about. | ||
| He was just a crazy... | ||
| He was older than us, too. | ||
| He probably was bitter. | ||
| Yeah, he was very bitter. | ||
| He probably was really bitter. | ||
| He wasn't very funny, either. | ||
| And he was just... | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| The guy was a... | ||
| Was it Boston? | ||
| I feel like it wasn't Boston now. | ||
| But wherever the fuck it was, the guy was a dick. | ||
| And it was like, that's the risk you take. | ||
| You know, we did 22 dates. | ||
| Everybody was nice and friendly. | ||
| Met a lot of cool comics. | ||
| And then we got one shithead. | ||
| But that one shithead just turned me off to it so much. | ||
| Because it was the worst kind of shithead. | ||
| You know, the jealous shithead. | ||
| The creepy, super drunk, jealous shithead. | ||
| Well, what are you going to do? | ||
| Yeah, it's also like, you feel like you get upset if you bring someone, you know, or you have someone local open and it doesn't work out, and you're like, I could have had Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| I could have brought Ari with me. | ||
| I could have brought Duncan with me. | ||
| It's like, there's only so much time. | ||
| I mean, at Brea, we had, like, probably four guest spots, plus Sean, plus Tony, and, like, it was a long show, but, you know, the crowd really was digging the fact that, like, there was, like, all these, like, fresh faces coming up, and they were like, wow, somebody else, you know, like, and, you know, it's the door guys and all that kind of stuff, and, like, when I worked the door at the improv back in the 80s, whatever, that was, like, our big moment when somebody would go, like, hey, you can go on stage, you know, like, you got five minutes, clear these people out, whatever it is, and I was like, you know. | ||
| It's cool that some clubs are into that. | ||
| Some clubs are not. | ||
| They're more like, you know what I'm saying, like Applebee style. | ||
| Like, oh, we've got to get them out of here. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Applebee style. | ||
| You know that kind of club where you're looking at the food coming out of the kitchen? | ||
| You're like, this is a food club that does comedy. | ||
| It's not a comedy club with food. | ||
| They definitely have those, man. | ||
| It's a weird thing when you're doing comedy and you're looking down and people are cutting into a steak. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| And they're looking up at you. | ||
| And I go, they're barely paying attention. | ||
| They're eating their fucking food. | ||
| They're barely paying attention. | ||
| It's just such a silly way to do comedy, but it's a good way to maximize money and time. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Especially if you're people that want to go on a date and dinner. | ||
| They don't have time. | ||
| They're like, let's go to a comedy club. | ||
| We'll eat at the club. | ||
| They have good food. | ||
| I'm going to get a steak. | ||
| But that's funny, the steak, because it's like, was that in some guy's man fantasy? | ||
| I'm going to go eat a big flank steak, and here's some dirty material, and then I'm going to bang the shit out of my lady. | ||
| If we win the raffle for free tickets to see... | ||
| If you eat a steak, too, like, I mean, it's going to slow you down a little bit. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's a full tum-tum. | ||
| Watching some comedy with a full tummy. | ||
| In Tucson, I had to do one of those rooms where half the crowd was standing. | ||
| I was so pissed that they had to do that. | ||
| I felt so bad for those people standing. | ||
| What do you think of standing shows? | ||
| I didn't know how bad it was until we went to see Stan Hope. | ||
| Where did we go see him? | ||
| Here in Los Angeles. | ||
| Yeah, what was the name of the club? | ||
| Lucky Club or Asian... | ||
| I don't remember the name of the place, but anyway, Stan Hope's on stage, and there's a very small amount of seats, and then there's a back area near the bar that we were all standing at. | ||
| It was me, and Brian, and who else came? | ||
| Bingo, and maybe... | ||
| Anyway, so Stan Hope, and I think Brendan Walsh opened for him. | ||
| Stan Hope, and so, you know, about an hour and a half, the whole show total, something like that, and by the time 20 minutes was going on, I was like, my fucking... | ||
| My back hurts. | ||
| My feet hurt. | ||
| This is stupid. | ||
| We're just standing here. | ||
| Like, we're not even moving. | ||
| So when you're just standing, you're not even moving, it's like a static exercise, you know? | ||
| Like, you don't realize it until, like, 20 minutes in. | ||
| You're like, ooh, this is uncomfortable. | ||
| Like, just standing in one spot, this fucking sucks. | ||
| I was trying not to lock my legs. | ||
| I didn't want to get fat. | ||
| Your knees started aching. | ||
| Walking out. | ||
| No, we watched it. | ||
| I've been trying to talk to Doug for like a couple weeks now. | ||
| I know he's on a super big club tour, I mean like a bar tour. | ||
| But there's a show on Historytown, you love history stuff, called The Evolution of Hitler or The Evolution of Nazis or something like that. | ||
| And it shows, like, Hitler, like, the early years. | ||
| Kind of like the, you know, the, whatchamacallit, saved by the bell, the early years. | ||
| And it shows him, like, young Hitler. | ||
| And he's, like, it's just him. | ||
| And I believe it's, uh, not Goebbels, but, uh, who's the big fat guy? | ||
| Uh, you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| The Luftwaffe guy. | ||
| Uh, whatever. | ||
| So it just shows him in these pubs talking his talk. | ||
| And there's people standing and they're drinking. | ||
| I'm like, that's a Doug Stanhope show. | ||
| That's a Doug Stanhope show right there. | ||
| They're into it and they're heckling him and he's yelling at him. | ||
| And I'm like, that is Doug Stanhope in Hitler times. | ||
| And then he worked his way up to Munich, which I guess was the biggest... | ||
| That was the biggest stage he could do. | ||
| He even had choreographed audiences. | ||
| They would do the boot thing. | ||
| He had a whole crowd of them. | ||
| I'm sure he said to Goebbels, how many seats are empty? | ||
| How many of those are comps? | ||
| Did they paper the room? | ||
| Is there paper out there? | ||
| Did they force these people? | ||
| Stan Hope's opener, Junior Stapka, do you know this guy? | ||
| Funny fucking kid, man. | ||
| He's on the underground, and it was cool because Comedy Central, we went back and forth with the list on who's on the show. | ||
| I said, you've got to get this Junior guy on, and everybody was super... | ||
| Super impressed with him, because he is so different. | ||
| He's Doug's opener. | ||
| It's very funny. | ||
| I met him in Chicago, and I was like, he blew me away. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Yeah, he's good, man. | ||
| And he's, you know, really, like, you see him and Stanhope together. | ||
| They match very well. | ||
| Yes, they do. | ||
| They vibe well. | ||
| It's the perfect guy for that crowd. | ||
| He's a funny guy. | ||
| Doug does the same thing, you know? | ||
| I think it's really important. | ||
| But I think we all... | ||
| None of us... | ||
| Came up without assistance. | ||
| All of us in comedy, we got to see other people work, and we learned from them, and we talked to them, and they gave us advice on who to call. | ||
| We all got help from the other headliners. | ||
| We all did, as we were becoming professional. | ||
| But I never waited for help. | ||
| I mean, I really was so obsessed with doing material and like, you know, getting on. | ||
| I think that they kind of saw like, hey, this guy really wants to do it. | ||
| So, you know, they kind of, you know, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Because I never would get in their face. | ||
| Like, I remember just like asking a guy like, you know. | ||
| I hate to ask you this, but, you know, like, do you know any, like, open mics? | ||
| And, like, you know, they were like, yeah, no, that's a good question. | ||
| And then, you know, they sent me the open mic, and then I didn't see that guy again for, like, five years, you know, because I was doing the open mics, you know? | ||
| He was, like, a big comic, you know? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's very cool when you run into someone like that. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, like, you know, whenever they come up to you and go, like, you know, I'm thinking of doing comedy, and then you go, like, you know, you should try it here and here. | ||
| They always have that look of, like, well, I thought that you were going to... | ||
| Get me on stage right now. | ||
| It's like, well, you know, this isn't Bagger Vance, you know? | ||
| Like, you gotta make an effort on your own, too, you know? | ||
| I talked to this kid once. | ||
| I hosted the open mic night once at the Comedy Store, and a kid went out for his first time, and he was funny. | ||
| And I remember saying to the audience, like, that kid has talent. | ||
| Like, if he really wanted to, like, if you really want to do it, man, you could really be a comic. | ||
| And he was like, thanks so much. | ||
| That means so much. | ||
| And the audience clapped, and everybody's really happy. | ||
| I was like, that's awesome. | ||
| It's so cool to see. | ||
| Like, we may one day see that guy. | ||
| Might be a professional comedian. | ||
| Then I ran into him in England, like years later, and he's on the road. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| Doing stand-up. | ||
| I wish I could remember his name. | ||
| Sorry, wasn't that funny? | ||
| Eddie Izzard. | ||
| Wasn't funny enough for me to remember his name. | ||
| No, he was. | ||
| I just have too many people. | ||
| I was kind of hoping for the other story. | ||
| Then I ran over to Pink Dot ten years later, and there he was. | ||
| He's making sandwiches. | ||
| He's making sandwiches. | ||
| He's got an angry look on his face. | ||
| He's like, you could have saved me. | ||
| At the kiosk. | ||
| You could have helped me. | ||
| No, but by you saying that, that made his, like, night, it made his week, it made his month. | ||
| I mean, that was cool that you, like, you know, and you weren't, like, you know, just, like, blowing smoke up his head. | ||
| You were, like, you really liked him. | ||
| Yeah, no, he was really funny. | ||
| You know, I've had it happen to me a bunch of times when I was an open-miker. | ||
| Someone gives you a bump. | ||
| It says something nice to you, and it just gives you this big... | ||
| Maren did it once. | ||
| For the longest time, Maren and I, like, I didn't go after him. | ||
| Like, he would say, like, stupid shit about me, and I, like, let it slide. | ||
| Because, you know, he's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He gets... | ||
| Eccentric, I believe, is the term. | ||
| I think he's awesome. | ||
| I love the guy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But, you know, he is what he is. | ||
| He's got his own thing. | ||
| And so for the longest time, we had this little negative thing back and forth until I actually wound up having a conversation with him and doing the podcast. | ||
| Now, I love the guy. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think he's awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The reason why I wouldn't go after him is because when I was an open-miker, he pulled me aside one day after my set and just said, hey, you're doing the right thing. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| It's really cool to see. | ||
| Just keep doing your thing, man. | ||
| Don't let anybody tell you any differently. | ||
| You got something cool here. | ||
| And I was like, wow, that's awesome. | ||
| You know, so for me, that was like... | ||
| That's great, yeah. | ||
| I laughed and I was like, whoa, I could do this, you know? | ||
| Like, I could be a fucking comedian. | ||
| A real comedian just told me I could be a comedian. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So, Mark, was this in LA or was this in Boston? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no. | |
| This was Boston. | ||
| This was 1988. Mark had come back from the Comedy Store when he was on our podcast. | ||
| He told some of the craziest fucking Kinison stories on the podcast about the Comedy Store and the Coke days. | ||
| He had left that and come back to Boston. | ||
| So he was there for like the heyday of Kinison's cocaine binge. | ||
| It was like the 86, like in that era. | ||
| And then came back into Boston, so I met him then. | ||
| And so he was an established comedian in Boston. | ||
| He was like, you know, he'd work at the Comedy Connection or Knicks or any of these clubs. | ||
| And I was just starting out. | ||
| Well, I started in New York, and then I met... | ||
| Mark and Tom Rhodes were the two guys that I always found them incredibly mysterious because they had already lived in other cities for a few years. | ||
| I didn't even know that was possible in comedy because I was stuck in this open mic world. | ||
| I was like, really? | ||
| He's like, yeah, no, I was in San Francisco, man. | ||
| You should check out that town. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| And I'm like, what did you do? | ||
| He's like, no, man, you just hang out. | ||
| You stay on a friend's couch and you do all these great sets and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| So I didn't even know that that was possible. | ||
| I thought, I'm in New York. | ||
| I don't want to lose my chance of maybe getting a spot next week. | ||
| It was one of those things where the spots controlled your life. | ||
| It's like, well, I know that's a holiday and all the real comics will be with their family. | ||
| So it's going to be great for me. | ||
| I'm going to get on twice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Remember that? | ||
| It was like Thanksgiving. | ||
| Everybody's with their families. | ||
| Are you available? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| We had a guy who came from Minneapolis to Boston and just immediately was accepted. | ||
| This guy was a comic in Minneapolis. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Well, that was Hedberg. | ||
| He worked over there. | ||
| Yeah, Hedberg was a Minneapolis comic. | ||
| Was he from Acme? | ||
| Was that Acme? | ||
| Uh, I, I, I assume he was from Acme and then he went to Florida. | ||
| So he was like two comics. | ||
| He was a Florida comic and he was a whatever. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he, uh, came up to New York. | ||
| I think he came up to New York before we went to LA, right? | ||
| Um, I don't know. | ||
| I didn't meet him until LA. Okay, yeah. | ||
| I met him in LA. So, like, in New York, I know he was there for a couple years and, uh, Then he bopped out to LA. And then I think it was just bi-coastal. | ||
| I mean, they were on the road pretty much. | ||
| I didn't get to know that guy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, for some reason I thought you guys had known. | ||
| No, I mean, we were both good friends with Stan Hope. | ||
| And I mean, he was real friendly. | ||
| I met him one night at the comedy store. | ||
| We went back-to-back at the comedy store. | ||
| Wow, I would have loved to have seen him there. | ||
| That would have been a cool show. | ||
| It was a cool show because there was only like 50 people in the crowd and they were like speckled, you know, scattered out. | ||
| Those are some of the best shows. | ||
| The 50 people comedy store shows in the OR. You know what's cool about the comedy store? | ||
| When the crowd is there really to laugh and not just because they made a mistake and they went in there because they thought it was like the parking garage for the Hyatt. | ||
| Don't you ever feel like there's people sitting there going like, wait a minute, this isn't the Hyatt. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I can't believe what happened here. | ||
| Where's my room? | ||
| Yeah, like... | ||
| There's the elevator? | ||
| But when they're there to really, like, just hang out and, like, let the experience wash over, they are the coolest crowd in the town. | ||
| You know, they really are. | ||
| Well, it's a great room, and the room has energy. | ||
| There's an energy in that room where it's... | ||
| You're talking about so many fucking decades of laughter permeated the walls. | ||
| The problem is there's just too many douchebags that pass through. | ||
| That whole area on the strip is just... | ||
| Filled with fuckheads, you know? | ||
| Just like people walking around, like House of Blues people? | ||
| Yeah, there's that, and then there's also like, just like LA actors, you know, like people who are like, just like I was saying earlier, they're like a little needy. | ||
| They need attention, they don't make the best audience members. | ||
| I've seen more heckling at the store than anywhere on the planet, right? | ||
| Yeah, I agree with that. | ||
| You got to think about one club where there's been more heckling? | ||
| There's nothing you see. | ||
| Maybe something in Florida, maybe. | ||
| I don't know, maybe that place in Miami that doesn't exist anymore. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| You got to close it down. | ||
| What about, like, at, uh, you ever play Hermosa Beat? | ||
| Of course you do. | ||
| Yeah, Comedy Magic Club. | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| Yeah, like, I think if you heckle there, because they are so pro-comic, they'll pull you out and street shoot you in the back of the head. | ||
| Yeah, they eat you. | ||
| They serve you. | ||
| Mike will not accept anything. | ||
| Zero tolerance! | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't want any assholes there. | ||
| He won't serve shots either. | ||
| He won't let you get fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, none of that. | ||
| Because it's like a museum that does comedy. | ||
| It really is a museum of comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's... | |
| What a fucking great guy. | ||
| He is. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| Those guys that have been there for that long, and that club's been around since the 70s, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| And all the guys that, like, the legends that play there, like Shandling and Leno and stuff like that, I guess, I assume they had played there when they were younger, and they just, like, came up through this, like, amazing system of, like, you know, they were already kind of famous, or they were, like, the best comics in town or something like that, and they would do their new material there, and it's a great place for it, too. | ||
| Well, Leno's always done that Sunday night gig. | ||
| He does it less now, like a lot of the Sundays other guys do, and I've done a couple of them, because he's doing the road now. | ||
| Leno's, he's out there slinging it. | ||
| I wonder how much tickets are because I really would like to see where he is. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Like how much? | ||
| Like Seinfeld. | ||
| A hundred? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| For like, just like a shitty seat. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| A hundred. | ||
| But a hundred dollars. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a lot. | |
| That is a lot. | ||
| I always do that math in my head. | ||
| I'm like, you know, I was a young guy and like 30 bucks plus, you know, of course you're going to get drunk. | ||
| I shouldn't say that actually now that I'm thinking about it because someone told me that. | ||
| So let's find out. | ||
| I bet you his tickets are, I would, let's take bets on it. | ||
| I would say you can get a 75, but you're really looking at 125, 250 right up front. | ||
| VIP. Wow, okay. | ||
| I would say that. | ||
| I'm going to stick with my guns and say $100. | ||
| I'll bet $20 on it right now. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Friday at the Silver Creek Event Center in Four Winds, New Buffalo. | ||
| All right, forget about it. | ||
| New Buffalo, Michigan. | ||
| The tickets are $98.50. | ||
| Ouch. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| There's 14 tickets left. | ||
| That's 20 to you. | ||
| I just want some money. | ||
| But there are other ones. | ||
| The tickets go as high as $120. | ||
| I see. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| One of them is tickets are from $216, $242, $249. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| See? | ||
| Yeah, some of his tickets are $249. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In New Buffalo, you can downtown diggle it. | ||
| That's right, we're trading for it. | ||
| Oh, he's at the Mirage in Vegas, the Terry Fedor Theater. | ||
| I do that same theater. | ||
| I think I charge $40. | ||
| Have you seen Terry Fedor? | ||
| I just can't imagine someone charging $248 for a ticket. | ||
| It says priced from. | ||
| Let's see what tickets are available. | ||
| I bet he's got some stupid ones in the front row that cost ass-fucked tons of money. | ||
| For Terry or for Jay? | ||
| For Jay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at this shirt. | ||
| 300. Okay, I'm going to give a filter from 250 to a million dollars. | ||
| Look at this shirt. | ||
| You guys both had the exact same shirt at the same comedy club almost. | ||
| Who, me? | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| Look, Joe. | ||
| That's excellent. | ||
| Wow, let me see again. | ||
| We don't look like the same people at all, dude. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| I was also a Bollywood actor at some point. | ||
| No, you know who you look like? | ||
| You look like Dom Herrera's son. | ||
| Wow, yeah. | ||
| Look at me really trying, too. | ||
| Come on, guys! | ||
| Come on! | ||
| Oh, you remind me of someone else, too. | ||
| I look like Dan Natterman's father. | ||
| I look like a coat hanger. | ||
| You do. | ||
| Look how my body looks completely out of proportion. | ||
| I didn't lift any weights at all back then. | ||
| I just had this goofy frame. | ||
| You look like you're a slaying dick, though, with that Tony Danza style. | ||
| Yeah, you look hot, dude. | ||
| I look sexy as fuck. | ||
| I look sexy as fuck. | ||
| Look how much hair I had. | ||
| Oh, glorious. | ||
| It's funny how our shirts... | ||
| It's funny how our shirts make that sign kind of relevant. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It's the 80s. | ||
| We're your wacky Magnum P.I. shit here, guys. | ||
| I guess this is the 90s, right? | ||
| I don't think this is the 90s. | ||
| It's got to be the 90s. | ||
| The 90s, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If it was the 80s, I would be like, uh, uh, uh. | |
| Rascals was a great fucker. | ||
| Yeah, where is that? | ||
| Yeah, Rascals Comedy Hour. | ||
| In Jersey? | ||
| No. | ||
| Rascals Comedy Hour is what it is. | ||
| New York City. | ||
| I guess the highest the tickets go is $250. | ||
| That's the highest they go. | ||
| For $250 back at that club, you could buy pretty much everybody in the room a drink. | ||
| You could buy the comics. | ||
| You could keep us. | ||
| $250, you could have me for a couple days. | ||
| I know I'm not worth anything more than what I'm getting right now. | ||
| These guys are like, you know, let's push up. | ||
| I'm like, easy, easy! | ||
| Isn't that gross? | ||
| Yeah, I get that argument every six months. | ||
| We really should raise our prices. | ||
| Nope, I can't do it. | ||
| It's a lot of money. | ||
| It's always the venue that, well, if you want to make something, you've got to raise it. | ||
| I'm like, well, what happened? | ||
| What did you guys put in the pool? | ||
| I mean, really, what's going on here? | ||
| There's also a problem in that... | ||
| You know, the people that are asking to raise the rates, they're not connecting with the audience. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| They're just on the outside. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, you can get more out of that. | ||
| Ah, you can get more out of that. | ||
| And that's like their objective. | ||
| But your objective is to maintain a good relationship. | ||
| Yeah, and come back. | ||
| Come back to the club eventually. | ||
| Yeah, and you were one of the first guys that I talked to a long time ago. | ||
| We were talking about a gig that was getting offered to you, and you're like, I can't go back there. | ||
| I was just there six months ago. | ||
| I need to give him some new shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just can't go back there quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's an important little piece of integrity when it comes to the connection that you have with an audience that a lot of agents, they don't understand that. | ||
| They just understand. | ||
| They see there's money there to be made. | ||
| Dave, there's a lot of gold in that hole. | ||
| We've got buckets. | ||
| Come on, we've got buckets. | ||
| Yeah, it's raining money. | ||
| And you're like, no, I know these people. | ||
| I think for me, a nice resting the field would be 14 months. | ||
| 14 months and then maybe give it another 6 months. | ||
| I'm really afraid to go back too soon. | ||
| I really am afraid. | ||
| It looks like I'm going to do my next comedy special at the Comedy Works in Denver. | ||
| That's what I'm planning on doing. | ||
| Fantastic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The big room or the classic room? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The little room. | |
| That's a great one. | ||
| That's a great one. | ||
| I've got to figure out how to do it. | ||
| And your idea with GoPros in the audience is fucking brilliant. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| So I think I'm going to stick some stuff on the ceiling. | ||
| I want it to be packed though. | ||
| I don't want any seats to be missing because of the cameras. | ||
| That could just distract you from the actual show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| I want it to be as non-distracting as possible. | ||
| No lighting that's any different. | ||
| Everything exactly the same. | ||
| The guy who did my special, Scott, he was the director, and we were both figuring out how to do it. | ||
| I knew I didn't want it to look like a theater show with the pans and the booming, all the boom shots. | ||
| So we did it all with little cameras, and then the GoPros, which were kind of cool because we gave it to the audience, so they're right there. | ||
| So it gives you the ultimate seat in the house by watching it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I'm telling you, dude, it's so cool because it really does make me look like a better comic. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| I'm like, whoa, dude, that's like a Lenny Bruce move right there, and it's really just me doing my shitty act, but it looks so much better on the GoPro, you know? | ||
| Well, the idea of doing it with the audience holding up the cameras is fucking genius. | ||
| Oh, thanks, man. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Didn't you do Skanks for the Memories in Denver? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I did skanks there, and I have to tell you that that is one of the best audiences in the country. | ||
| They're fucking amazing. | ||
| That is just great. | ||
| And now that weed is super legal there, I am dying to go back. | ||
| I just want to see what's happening. | ||
| Dude, I want to move there. | ||
| You've got to move there. | ||
| I've been wanting to move back to Colorado for a long time, man. | ||
| I don't know how we would do the show. | ||
| Yeah, I only lived there for a few months until my... | ||
| My super sperm got to me wife's eggs. | ||
| Made a baby. | ||
| It's very high altitude. | ||
| You can't live at high altitude when you're pregnant. | ||
| It's fucking real tough on the lasses. | ||
| Very tough. | ||
| But that club was fantastic when I was living there. | ||
| Just for the three months, four months, whatever it was that I was there. | ||
| It's a fucking great club. | ||
| They have real comics there. | ||
| They have local Denver comics that are legit. | ||
| They're building talent in that club. | ||
| She does it on a regular basis. | ||
| Wendy is another, I guess you could say, unsung hero in comedy because her club is about the comics and even though she doesn't get as much attention as some of these other bigger clubs, she really is important. | ||
| She's built some great comics. | ||
| Fuck yeah, she has, man. | ||
| She's been around for a long time and she is responsible for the majority of that scene. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like those clubs, her system of open mics and getting open mics and then turning them into features or turning them into MCs rather and then the features and then eventually the headliners. | ||
| That's a, you know, that's an important part of the whole scene there in Denver. | ||
| In Denver. | ||
| And now, like, I was just at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City. | ||
| Have you been there? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| Dude, you would love this club. | ||
| It's a great club. | ||
| It's, uh, it's, everyone's like, oh, it's Mormon. | ||
| No, they're drinking. | ||
| It's like the Jack Mormons are out there. | ||
| It's a great club. | ||
| I told this to Chris Rock. | ||
| I'm like, you know, dude, if you guys want to go and work on material, these crowds are fun. | ||
| They get it. | ||
| And it's so cool when you play a refreshing... | ||
| Every show was cool. | ||
| Every show, I was trying new jokes. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| I think it used to be that there was real shit parts of the country. | ||
| You would go there and you'd go, oh, this spot sucks. | ||
| But that's way Way less now, because the kids that we're dealing with grew up with the internet. | ||
| Everywhere you go, you're going to get a certain amount of people that get it. | ||
| I think that's probably the best indication of how much different the world is, our country is, culturally, than it was back in the 70s and the 80s and the 90s without the internet. | ||
| You would go to places where people didn't know shit. | ||
| But anywhere you go now, people have an internet connection, kids are sharing information, they're just more informed. | ||
| They know good comedy, too. | ||
| Like, they appreciate good comedy, and they'll come out to see you. | ||
| They'll come out to see you everywhere you go. | ||
| Well, I think, you know, I think there's so much other stuff now that they're being inundated with just, like, you know... | ||
| Videos and clips and apps and all that kind of stuff that like, you know, really getting them off that is, you know, I say it on every radio thing, it's like, it's amazing when they show up. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| But it's, they're just not the same hicks. | ||
| Oh, that thing. | ||
| Everybody's been citified. | ||
| Everybody's Metro now. | ||
| There's an Einstein Bagels in Alabama. | ||
| I always used to say that as like, We've got an Einstein bagel down here. | ||
| The places that do kind of stink now are L.A. and New York because those have become... | ||
| They're not even urban anymore. | ||
| They're international. | ||
| At the Comedy Cellar, you'll be playing to people who are from Staten Island and also countries that you've only heard about on Game of Thrones. | ||
| Just crazy, weird Transylvanian stan or something like that. | ||
| In a way, it's kind of cool, but in a way, it just shows you American comedy. | ||
| People want to see it. | ||
| You know, they came all over here. | ||
| I want to see what this is about. | ||
| Well, it's very different than comedy in other places. | ||
| I mean, I know some English people. | ||
| English people like to talk shit about, like, that guy Stuart Lee had a funny thing that he was doing about American comics. | ||
| And, you know, that American comics have sort of been surpassed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Let's meet halfway at the equator and see how that works. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about just go on after you at the improv? | ||
| Give it a shot. | ||
| You know, it's so funny. | ||
| Doug, who is my guy of like, you know, he goes to England for like, I don't know what it is. | ||
| They have him in a theater there for like eight weeks or something like that. | ||
| And he goes like, you know, it's amazing because these guys have to have like a whole new hour to tour through England every time. | ||
| And it's really like You know, like, they're so, like, their crowds there are pretty cool with both political stuff and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| But they're also incredibly judgmental. | ||
| Like, they see it as, like, a theater show or something like that. | ||
| So, you know, I was like, oh, who would want to go through that grief, you know, all the time just to be playing in Piccadilly Circus? | ||
| But now, like, you know this French guy, that comedian? | ||
| He's, like, this kind of, like, racist guy, you know, he does the Holocaust jokes? | ||
| No. | ||
| So that's the guy that we have to go, like, we have to meet at The Hague and, like, do a smackdown with him. | ||
| A French guy does Holocaust jokes? | ||
| Yeah, no, in France, like, I guess in France you're not supposed to talk about the Holocaust or something like that, so he makes a big deal about it, about, like, freedom of speech, and he's also half... | ||
| Half black or something like that. | ||
| So he talks about how the Moroccans are not treated well. | ||
| I don't know the whole story, but the whole idea is that he does these jokes and he's kind of like their renegade comic. | ||
| He's like the French Russell Peters. | ||
| He's kind of like Russell. | ||
| Without the money. | ||
| France wins battle to ban anti-Semitic comedians. | ||
| Yeah, see, there you go. | ||
| Is he funny? | ||
| Well, that's the first thing I said. | ||
| And then I listened to some clips, I'm like, well... | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Well, that's the problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, if it was really funny, like Otto and George. | |
| Like Otto and George. | ||
| Like Otto and George. | ||
| I worked... | ||
| I did Jersey Shore, those Bob Gonzo gigs, with Otto and George. | ||
| And, you know, I also did the... | ||
| I told you I did the Dangerfield shows with him, but he had a meltdown one night on stage where he was going off about Oprah and Oprah Winfrey. | ||
| I forget the fucking joke. | ||
| I don't remember it, but he was going on this rampage about fucking her with his wind and cock. | ||
| You know, that he's hung like a paddle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That George. | |
| Hung like a kayak paddle. | ||
| And, I mean, just saying some horrible racist but hilarious shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Black people in the audience were fucking crying laughing. | ||
| Everyone was crying laughing. | ||
| It was really racist but fucking hilarious. | ||
| If it's good, it's good. | ||
| He was talking about someone and two other people in a hot tub being like a scene from Gorillas in the Mist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it! | |
| I knew you were going to say it. | ||
| What was the joke? | ||
| Do you remember the joke? | ||
| It could be... | ||
| Because that was one of those Long Island standards. | ||
| I just saw Monster's Ball. | ||
| It looked like a scene from Gorillas in the Mist. | ||
| I just saw... | ||
| Name a black movie. | ||
| I don't know if I was watching that or Gorillas in the Mist. | ||
| Well, he told me at one point in time, he was doing a Kennedy bit, and he told me at one point in time he was trying to rig how to make blood squirt out of George's head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because his wig would fall back, and his brain would be exposed. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He would do a bit where he would throw George's head back. | ||
| That was his clothes. | ||
| And you would see his brains, and you could see people going, like, why did I eat if I was going to see the brains of what he's saying is the president? | ||
| But I remember him coming up to me afterwards. | ||
| I think it was one of the first times I met him. | ||
| It was right after his show, and he didn't smooth back the hair yet. | ||
| So it was like, hey, what's up, Otto? | ||
| How's it going, man? | ||
| I'm a huge fan, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And the brains were right there, so it was cool. | ||
| I got to see the whole pyrotechnics. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He... | ||
| Put it on. | ||
| Let's hear it. | ||
| Let's hear some of that. | ||
| This is a later one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, George, did you see Brokeback Mountain? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What'd you think? | ||
| Loved him, hated him. | ||
| All right. | ||
| You know the original title of that was A Fist Full of Testicles? | ||
| All right, no way. | ||
| We better hurry up. | ||
| We got four minutes and they're throwing us out of here. | ||
| Try getting in this building tomorrow, Geppetto. | ||
| All right. | ||
| George, do you like plane travel? | ||
| Aw, man, it sucks. | ||
| Every time I get in an airplane, I'm never sitting next to a cute girl. | ||
| I'm always sitting next to some old guy who wants to talk, you know? | ||
| Where you from? | ||
| Where you going? | ||
| Where am I going? | ||
| Look at your ticket! | ||
| That's where we're all going! | ||
| I'd like to sing a song for Valentine's Day. | ||
| This is the love song from the movie Jaws. | ||
| Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to. | ||
| Good crowd, right? | ||
| Yeah, and Sonny Bono's a good skier. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I love Jaws. | ||
| Jaws was a great movie. | ||
| Remember the opening scene in Jaws? | ||
| This drunk girl goes swimming naked. | ||
| I'm drunk, come on in the water! | ||
| Come on in! | ||
| And then you hear... | ||
| Come on in, water is great! | ||
| Doesn't this broad hear the music? | ||
| Get on the water, it's short music! | ||
| Hey, is anybody here from New Jersey? | ||
| New Jersey? | ||
| Kill yourself! | ||
| What a polluted dump New Jersey is now. | ||
| New Jersey where a fart is refreshing. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| Here's a poem I wrote about Jersey. | ||
| It's called Pollution. | ||
| It's a poem. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| I shot an arrow into the air. | ||
| It stuck. | ||
| Thank you, thank you, thank you. | ||
| That's on TV. It's super watered down. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| I love those classic setups. | ||
| Do you fly much? | ||
| It doesn't matter how they have to do that kind of question. | ||
| Some comics will get mad if other comics do jokes about plane travel. | ||
| Like, oh, he does a joke about plane travel. | ||
| Oh, they find a hack? | ||
| What year is this? | ||
| This one's really old. | ||
| 1988. I might not have seen this. | ||
| Look at that mullet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| That's lawnmowers, you dopey bastards. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
| They gave me my own microphone. | ||
| Stupid cocksuckers think I'm real. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
| 1988. Oh, wow. | ||
| Look how young he looks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You ever see that Twilight Zone episode? | |
| Yeah, I saw that shit. | ||
| That's my favorite show. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder why. | ||
| I met Rod Serling once. | ||
| He had a huge cock with eyebrows on it. | ||
| So you like porno movies? | ||
| I made one. | ||
| It's a fuck film with all puppets. | ||
| It's called Caligula, Fran, and Ollie. | ||
| I fucked Miss Piggy in this movie. | ||
| I porked her. | ||
| Bacon shot out of her ears. | ||
| I porked that bitch. | ||
| All right. | ||
| So much better on Sunset. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So much better. | ||
| Don't you think this is a nice audience? | ||
| Yeah, I've seen happier faces at firing squads. | ||
| Folks, I drive a cab for a living here in New York. | ||
| Any of you cheap bastards take cabs? | ||
| See if you recognize me. | ||
| Hey, you want to get my feet back in the chair? | ||
| I'm fucking swinging here. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Like a marionette. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Make my ass look real. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Get a fucking illusion going here. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Hey, George, how's your girlfriend Gina doing? | ||
| Oh, that slut. | ||
| What do you call her that for? | ||
| This girl's a slut. | ||
| One time she spread her legs and a greyhound bus came out. | ||
| Can you imagine that killing at Pips? | ||
| Like, just crazy. | ||
| Pips. | ||
| Oh, I remember Pips. | ||
| Never performed there. | ||
| Peeked in once and said, let me get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| I just smelled the devil. | ||
| It was like there's a demonic presence in this. | ||
| Joey Cola told me he was on stage there and a guy flashed him a gun. | ||
| Yeah, that was Brooklyn, Brooklyn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's on stage. | ||
| That was before the hipsters moved in. | ||
| He's going, fuck you, fuck you. | ||
| And he shows him his gun. | ||
| Pulls up his shirt and shows him his gun. | ||
| That was the club that I think I got to play one time. | ||
| And then I was like, you know, it's such a long train ride from like, well, I was living in Brooklyn too, but it was like such a long train. | ||
| And like, I was so bad compared to everybody else there. | ||
| I was like, Man, like, I thought, like, they would throw me a beating just for being bad. | ||
| Like, the club owner, like, you know, how dare you? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| It's gone? | ||
| Yeah, it's all gone. | ||
| What about Grandpa's on Staten Island? | ||
| Is that still around? | ||
| I never played there. | ||
| I don't think I did. | ||
| Maybe I did. | ||
| I don't know, but I'll just say no. | ||
| I don't think that is. | ||
| I did that place a long fucking time ago. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| There's so many of those little satellite clubs in and around New York that were great. | ||
| But compared to Boston, though? | ||
| Well, I just played Governors recently. | ||
| Fucking great. | ||
| That's a great club. | ||
| The guys who run Governors, they really are another... | ||
| They're really cool about comedy. | ||
| They really want it to be what it was. | ||
| The audience has to come down and see it, but they really are into... | ||
| They got their own radio thing going there. | ||
| They're always trying to give new guys a day, which is so cool. | ||
| They give a guy like, you come in on a Wednesday, dude. | ||
| You do whatever you want. | ||
| Colin Quinn, I think, worked his one-man show out there for a bit. | ||
| Is the brokerage still around? | ||
| The brokerage, I think, is where he did it. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great club. | ||
| I think Ari just did that recently. | ||
| I think it is still around. | ||
| I've got to see Ari on the road. | ||
| I want to see what that looks like. | ||
| Fucking, he's doing great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So nice to see. | ||
| The show just got picked up also. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a Comedy Central show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is rocking. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And I love how he did that show. | ||
| He started it out doing comedy nights. | ||
| He did nights like at the improv or whatever with these storyteller shows. | ||
| He'd do the little room at the improv. | ||
| Then he moved to the big room at the improv. | ||
| Then he moved to Comedy Central Online. | ||
| And now, I mean... | ||
| He, like, developed this thing from the seeds. | ||
| So awesome. | ||
| So cool to see, man. | ||
| So cool to see. | ||
| And that storyteller thing, like, his stuff really rocks out because we talked about it. | ||
| And, like, you know, it definitely is. | ||
| There's an audience for that, and it's cool that he's on top of that, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's, like, the only guy I can think of that really does it like that. | ||
| Well, it's a smart move. | ||
| And it was his sort of idea, I believe, it was, like, to encourage, like, that style of comedy, like a storyteller style, so it would help his storytelling. | ||
| And also just as like a creative exercise. | ||
| You know, have guys go up and tell stories instead of just telling their act. | ||
| I see. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's a great idea, man. | ||
| It's a fucking great idea. | ||
| It's just so cool that Comedy Central is picking it up. | ||
| It's so cool that they're smart. | ||
| I love that they picked up your show, too. | ||
| It's a great idea. | ||
| You're doing a new version of the Rodney Dangerfield show. | ||
| It's essentially very similar. | ||
| I like to think it's more Caroline's comedy. | ||
| It's a showcase show, and it wasn't my idea, but it was definitely something that I thought needed to be done, especially if it's uncensored. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| What do you call it? | ||
| It's called Comedy Underground. | ||
| It's at the Village Underground. | ||
| That's where we shoot it in New York City. | ||
| It's not underground comedy. | ||
| It's not like subversive mumblecore or anything like that. | ||
| Because we had trouble with thinking of a good name for it, you know? | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| The Village Underground is downstairs to get to the set? | ||
| This is downstairs. | ||
| This is like around the block from the cellar. | ||
| It's also the same people who are involved in it. | ||
| This is a great show. | ||
| That was the first show. | ||
| Jay Oakerson, have you seen him? | ||
| He is amazing. | ||
| No, I haven't had a chance to. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| He's also Jermaine and Joe. | ||
| Everybody rocked out on the show. | ||
| Wow, this is incredible. | ||
| Yeah, see, that's a club. | ||
| That's a real club. | ||
| We didn't build that set. | ||
| That's a real club. | ||
| Shit, that club is amazing. | ||
| This looks a lot like my special here, which is like me on stage... | ||
| You know, in this club, and I have to tell you that, like, the crowd got it right away, and they really stepped up. | ||
| So, you know, let's hope there is a big crowd for this kind of stuff, the Uncensored Club Show. | ||
| Listen, there is, man. | ||
| I guarantee there is. | ||
| It's not like it stopped being good. | ||
| It's just people stop having as much access to it when, you know, Kinison died, and Dice went away for a little while, and it's just like, you know, they just probably didn't know where to get it. | ||
| Is that Jay? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| EJ is rocking. | ||
| What a great club, man. | ||
| I mean, of course, Chris Rock's kind of dirty, but he's too smart to just be considered just a dirty comedian, too. | ||
| I like how he wears the gloves like dice. | ||
| He looks like he's giving them the, you know, the scared street in high school? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've done time. | ||
| I've done meth. | ||
| I know how to cook meth. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| But Jay is a great comic, man. | ||
| He really is one of my favorites, and I've toured with him a bunch. | ||
| He's just a pleasure all the way around. | ||
| What street is this club on? | ||
| This is on 3rd Street in Manhattan, 3rd between McDougal and 6th Avenue. | ||
| How long has it been around for? | ||
| This club, the Village Underground? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They do plenty of shows there if you ever want to do one, they'd love to have you. | ||
| It's been around forever. | ||
| It's the Black Fat Pussycat is the bar, and then they have music there most of the time, but they just started doing comedy a couple years back. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I never heard about them doing comedy there before. | ||
| See, this is all the style of the special, where you see the audience, but you also see the comic close-up. | ||
| There's no shots for no reason, really. | ||
| It's all promoting it, moving it forward, and it just makes it look way better. | ||
| And we had tons of camera problems on the show. | ||
| It took me forever to edit this stuff, but it looks better. | ||
| It looks way better. | ||
| That's a perfect stage. | ||
| I love the sign too, that old sign behind them. | ||
| Yeah, no, they put that in there, the underground thing, but other than that, that's the classic stage. | ||
| They should leave that sign in there. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I told them that too. | ||
| Idiots. | ||
| They wanted to take it down? | ||
| Yeah, they didn't want it. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The sign is awesome. | ||
| I gotta get it out of my house. | ||
| You have it in your house? | ||
| No, that's always the thing. | ||
| It's like, hey, you want it? | ||
| Then I'm picking up the show. | ||
| So did you guys make that sign for the show? | ||
| They did. | ||
| Oh my god, it's perfect. | ||
| It's cool, right? | ||
| Oh, but it's fake old. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I knew that it fell off the stage at one point. | ||
| Motherfuckers, they fake-olded it. | ||
| It still looks badass. | ||
| It still does look badass, but now that I know, you shouldn't have told me, man. | ||
| It's like telling the little kid that Santa Claus is real. | ||
| Oh, dude, I'm sorry. | ||
| You know? | ||
| There's bricks behind you, they're real. | ||
| The bricks behind me are real bricks, Brian. | ||
| You shut the fuck up. | ||
| They're half bricks. | ||
| No, they're real. | ||
| Look, hit your head on it. | ||
| Yeah, I had this installed. | ||
| You did? | ||
| I like what you did in here. | ||
| What's behind the curtain over there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh! | |
| Later. | ||
| Don't. | ||
| I'll show you later. | ||
| Don't even. | ||
| That's the massage room. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| They're warming the oil up right now. | ||
| You know, that show, The Underground, like this week, it's on late, like 1 a.m. | ||
| Saturday, you know? | ||
| 1 a.m. | ||
| Saturday. | ||
| And this week is Ralphie Mae, who we were talking about earlier, April Macy, and Lunell. | ||
| Do you know Lunell? | ||
| No. | ||
| Lunell was in the Borat movie. | ||
| I still haven't seen the Borat movie. | ||
| Okay, well, you know who Lunell is, right? | ||
| No, no, I've seen the Borat movie. | ||
| I haven't seen the Bruno movie. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| I worked with her a bunch in San Francisco, and she is so cool, man. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| And that was cool to get all those different styles, because Ralphie's a super hardcore headliner. | ||
| I mean, he's rock hard, you know? | ||
| And April, I've worked with a bunch too. | ||
| She really knows how to throw down a joke. | ||
| And Lunell takes it in a different direction. | ||
| So it was good to give that balance. | ||
| And how much time is everybody doing? | ||
| About four or five minutes. | ||
| That was the whole part. | ||
| I said cut me down. | ||
| So it's a half hour show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I said cut me down because I want them to do their solid acts. | ||
| Four or five minutes? | ||
| And they would roll out 12, 15 minutes. | ||
| And you'd have to chop it? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| The network wanted to do it. | ||
| And I said, let me take a look at it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I figured if I looked at it, it would be a little bit smoother than if the network did it. | ||
| Yeah, did they let you edit it? | ||
| Yeah, eventually I jumped in on it. | ||
| Well, that's cool that they're letting you edit it. | ||
| The more power they give you, the more control over it. | ||
| You obsess about shit, man. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I remember when we did that porn show together. | ||
| I couldn't believe how much you were obsessing over the various aspects of what worked, what didn't work, what's the next scene we should watch. | ||
| You had notes and notes and notes. | ||
| I figured it was a show you'd just show up. | ||
| No, we really wanted it. | ||
| I wanted it to be so, like, tribute show, funny show. | ||
| I mean, it was unscripted, but you're right. | ||
| We were obsessing because we did all this prep work on, like, well, this movie was an important movie for our star, and this one was, like, a movie they directed. | ||
| So we were trying to tell, like, this half-assed story. | ||
| But you're right. | ||
| I obsess. | ||
| I take all the fun out of every fucking thing I do. | ||
| It's not the fun out of it. | ||
| You just have a... | ||
| good which is thanks for saying that that's so important man it's very inspiring because it's very uninspiring when you're around someone who doesn't right doesn't give a shit doing doesn't mean anything to them so when i see a guy like you with a big stack of ruffled notes and you're fucking writing on this and you got producers coming over and giving suggestions you're trying to piece together i'm like wow this is like way more it was not just way more effort but like your intent was really kind of noble and | ||
| You really were trying to respect these people and pay tribute to them. | ||
| Like when you had Ginger Lynn on. | ||
| That was one of my favorite episodes, you and Ginger. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| It really was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've known her from the Comedy Store days, from way back in the day. | ||
| She's a very nice person. | ||
| She's always been a very nice person. | ||
| She's a sweetheart, and you know, I wish that show was still going, because that was definitely one of the funnest things I've ever done, and I really do feel like... | ||
| You know when you say you're obsessing and stuff like that? | ||
| It usually takes any show about a season to figure itself out. | ||
| Maybe not so much now because I guess people are better at television or something like that. | ||
| But even when you're the guy who comes up with the idea, and I came up with that idea with Stuart Bailey, who's a great dude. | ||
| Even though we thought it out and we got it together and all that kind of stuff, you still don't know. | ||
| You still don't know. | ||
| And that's why editing is so important and learning from your mistakes. | ||
| And like trying to make it better every week. | ||
| And I think that a lot of that is, that is kind of like gone on the wayside now because people are just pumping up product. | ||
| Yeah, no, I think you're right. | ||
| I think, um, it's just, well, the idea that you came up with is just a fucking great idea. | ||
| The floating couch over the decks and stuff. | ||
| Just, Yeah, no, and all that stuff was just like in the editing room. | ||
| Hey, let's try this, let's try, you know, like whatever, like Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. | ||
| You try this, I'll try it, you know, and like it just happened and it was so good. | ||
| It was so good that we're like, can we do that again? | ||
| And like, you can't afford it. | ||
| That was the whole thing about editing and doing it on your own budget. | ||
| It really is like, how much can I afford, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's a... | ||
| So I have to learn how to edit. | ||
| Why'd they stop doing it? | ||
| They didn't want another season. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And I have great tapes. | ||
| I have Otto and George on there. | ||
| I have Doug Stanhope. | ||
| I have Jay Moore. | ||
| I have, like, all these great people who, like, did not get a chance to get on there. | ||
| I have David Allen Greer. | ||
| I have just all these great comics, you know? | ||
| You mean you have them on film that you did it with? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Can you put it online? | ||
| I can't. | ||
| No. | ||
| I heard that your apartment got broken into and it all got online. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going to be on BitTorrent in a couple of days. | ||
| I heard. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Or Vimeo. | ||
| Yeah, we can... | ||
| Is that how you drop it now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| That's what I heard. | ||
| No, it's until I own the rights again. | ||
| Until I own the rights again, it really is... | ||
| It's kind of like one of those things where I really don't know what to say. | ||
| Because there are fans of it. | ||
| They're like, when are we going to see this? | ||
| When are we going to... | ||
| So... | ||
| But right now, I'm just so glad not to be editing. | ||
| So that's great. | ||
| No, I'm sure. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure it's a relief. | ||
| Have you ever had to do that kind of thing where you do the post-production on a project too? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, it's not that fun. | ||
| What project would it be? | ||
| Joe Rogan questions everything. | ||
| I did a little bit on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| But never on a comedy special. | ||
| I mean, I've obviously edited my specials. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My own specials. | ||
| Which is another form of torture, by the way, looking at yourself a thousand times. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| It's not good for your head. | ||
| It definitely isn't. | ||
| Because I don't like watching myself, but I don't mind listening to myself if I'm working on new material. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you watch yourself too much or you listen to yourself too much, you'll be like, ew. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| You don't want to watch yourself anymore. | ||
| You don't like yourself anymore. | ||
| And you don't want to hear the same jokes coming out of your own mouth over and over. | ||
| It's one thing if you tell them, but another thing if you watch them and you're like, Yeah, like all my bad habits. | ||
| I can see all that. | ||
| Even when you're showing the old clip of me as a boy, Davey et al., I was like, oh, look at that. | ||
| Look at the bad habits there before smoking. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, no, it's so true. | ||
| I think that it's good, though. | ||
| It's good to see those bad things. | ||
| It tightens up your act. | ||
| It tightens up my act when I don't like it. | ||
| When I don't like it, it forces me to cut out the fat, pick up the pace, put a little more juice into this, a little more writing into that, a little more... | ||
| It's all, the whole process I think is, the review part of it is a big part of it for creating new stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if I don't, I mean I don't do it just because I don't like it because it makes me uncomfortable to watch myself or listen to myself. | ||
| Which by the way, almost every comic I know feels the same way. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| Because I've seen guys laugh at their own tapes and I'm like, how do you do that? | ||
| Who are they? | ||
| You must have been raised right that you really love yourself. | ||
| Who are those fucking weirdos? | ||
| I've seen a guy who's watching himself on TV and he's like, ah, man. | ||
| He can't be good. | ||
| And if he is good, he's annoying. | ||
| He's one of those guys that's good on stage but annoying as fuck off stage. | ||
| He wants to tell you about his new bits all the time. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| They want to try them out on you. | ||
| Tell me if you think there's something in this. | ||
| The other day, I see this lady and you're like, oh my god, you're going to do your fucking material on me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are we doing here? | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
| You ever have that? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, and they think it's hilarious. | ||
| They'll listen to their own shit. | ||
| Yeah, like if it's a long bit? | ||
| They'll show you the notes. | ||
| Listen to this shit I'm working on. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Now, the only time I bring up a bit, I go like, do you have a joke like this? | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's called joke checking. | ||
| But other than that, there's some guys like Mike Vickione's a great joke writer. | ||
| I'll be like, okay, let's work on some jokes. | ||
| And then we'll just go spitball back and forth or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, joke checking is very important because sometimes you go, goddammit, this joke seems too easy. | ||
| It's too easy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somebody on YouTube helped me out, or on Twitter, rather. | ||
| I was talking about this new... | ||
| I have this new bit, and in the bit, there's a thing about milk substitutes, like almond milk. | ||
| And I said, almonds don't have tits, that's not milk. | ||
| But apparently, Louis Black had already had almost the same joke with soy. | ||
| When was the last time he saw soy tits? | ||
| It's not milk. | ||
| It was there. | ||
| I didn't see it quick enough. | ||
| He saw it first, but I got checked by Twitter, so it's nice. | ||
| It's very cool. | ||
| And that's cool that the fans helped you out on that because, you know, I do think that, like, due diligence, you know, and you can't, you can't, like, you know, sometimes, you know, whatever. | ||
| Well, one of those things, like, that's something that if you gave that subject to 100 guys and said, hey, what do you think about milk substitutes? | ||
| Ten of them are going to say, you know, almonds don't have tits. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're just going to think, well, what's there? | ||
| Milk. | ||
| Okay, where does milk come from? | ||
| It comes from nipples. | ||
| Nipples are kind of funny. | ||
| Almonds have nipples? | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| And it's right there. | ||
| It's like, you just follow the normal, natural steps. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's like water going, it's going to go to where it belongs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's where that joke belongs. | ||
| It's parallel thinking. | ||
| It's going to happen with that. | ||
| With something along those lines. | ||
| Or, you know, fill in the blank. | ||
| Remember those med alert? | ||
| I've fallen. | ||
| I can't get up. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| They had a commercial. | ||
| Do you remember that commercial? | ||
| A med alert was a thing that an old lady, they would fall down, they would press a button, and they would yell into it. | ||
| It was like a little walkie-talkie. | ||
| Help! | ||
| I've fallen and I can't get up. | ||
| I can't get up. | ||
| And I can't get up jokes were... | ||
| Bread and butter. | ||
| That was a monster. | ||
| You had to have an I can't get up joke. | ||
| Like every comic in 1988, 1989 had a fall in an I can't get up joke. | ||
| It became hack within like six months. | ||
| It's like Tinder now. | ||
| People have Tinder jokes? | ||
| Everyone has a Tinder joke. | ||
| Everyone has like all these new apps. | ||
| Yeah, app jokes. | ||
| I think I don't even know if I just heard this recently come out of my own mouth. | ||
| No, it was... | ||
| The woman from the I Fallen I Can't Get Up was also the woman from the Clapper. | ||
| And I think someone else is joking. | ||
| It's like, this lady can't get a break. | ||
| I know somebody said that. | ||
| And I was like, wow. | ||
| I didn't know both things were still in play. | ||
| Clapper. | ||
| Well, it was one of those things where comics would have to get on stage first. | ||
| Because they wanted to be the first guy to do I Fallen I Can't Get Up joke. | ||
| Because you didn't want to be the middle. | ||
| If the opener did the I Fallen I Can't Get Up joke, then you can't do your big closer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's the thing about headlining, when you realize that like, you know, The sweet spot on the show is always the middle. | ||
| The opener has it rough, and you have it rough. | ||
| But the middle guy, he can roll through 50 premises and leave you with nothing. | ||
| And then you're like, wow, now it is a job. | ||
| And you got the check spot. | ||
| And that's the thing. | ||
| With the middle of the walk-off stage, it's like, yeah, they were good. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, of course they were. | ||
| That was like fishing forever up there. | ||
| You don't need a license. | ||
| You can just put the nets in there, jumping in the boat. | ||
| Now you left me nothing. | ||
| Well, the opener is definitely the hardest spot. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| Especially the first 10 minutes. | ||
| You've got to get everybody rolling. | ||
| You've got to come out of the gate strong. | ||
| And you can't be too needy out of the gate. | ||
| You've got to establish control of the stage and then get everybody into the trance. | ||
| You get them all laughing. | ||
| Well, I was like, you know, energy open. | ||
| A guy who uses the energy. | ||
| I think that's cool. | ||
| And then, you know, they should do a couple of jokes so that people know it's not a rally, you know? | ||
| Yeah, that would be a nice thing. | ||
| That would be a nice idea. | ||
| What are you guys looking at? | ||
| I thought we were looking at the Clapper commercial. | ||
| No, we can pull it up if you want. | ||
| He's looking at pictures of you from back in the day, you sweet bitch. | ||
| Get that ugly, disgusting, get it off, please. | ||
| Do you like living in New York? | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I live in New York. | ||
| I like New York over L.A., I guess, just because I'm not a big driver or whatever. | ||
| But, you know, at this point... | ||
| You cab everywhere? | ||
| You take subways? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| I take a cab. | ||
| I like to... | ||
| Rent a bike. | ||
| No, I don't do that. | ||
| In New York City, it's all about bikes and wind power. | ||
| A lot of people ride bikes, right? | ||
| I feel like I never live anywhere. | ||
| I always felt like I live in New York. | ||
| Family stuff and all that kind of stuff there. | ||
| And then I go out to L.A. for work. | ||
| But I really do feel that, like, you know, it's cool. | ||
| It would be cool to have, like, the third location, like a Costa Rica or something like that. | ||
| You know these comics who have, like, two weeks, like, they go to Italy or something like that? | ||
| I think that's really cool. | ||
| Yeah, I would like to do that, too. | ||
| Where would you pick? | ||
| What would be your third location? | ||
| Alaska. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go to fucking Anchorage. | ||
| Get a fat spread outside of Anchorage. | ||
| Life below zero. | ||
| Yeah, but do in the summer. | ||
| Dude, first of all, it's light out all day. | ||
| It doesn't get dark. | ||
| Two o'clock in the morning, it's light out. | ||
| You're walking around, it's light out. | ||
| People are cool as fuck. | ||
| And if you wanted to be a place where you could hang out in the summer like a retreat, it's the best spot. | ||
| You couldn't come up with a better spot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is beautiful up there. | ||
| Oh, it's fucking, it's glorious. | ||
| Anchorage is glorious. | ||
| I can't wait to get back there. | ||
| I gotta schedule another gig. | ||
| I was there in July. | ||
| Fairbanks? | ||
| Yeah, I'm thinking of doing New Year's next year there. | ||
| Chill cute Charlies. | ||
| Flying on January. | ||
| Just come in guns blazing. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| I love that show. | ||
| Five degrees below zero. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gives a shit. | |
| Life below zero. | ||
| No sunlight ever. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Guns blazing. | ||
| That is a good crowd. | ||
| Practice archery during the day. | ||
| Do shows at night. | ||
| That's the second archery reference you've made. | ||
| Catch fish with spears? | ||
| Really? | ||
| The second one? | ||
| In the beginning we were talking about archery, and I was wondering, do you do archery? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, but I've been doing it for a little while now, for a few months. | ||
| I guess it's about a year now. | ||
| Because I was just at a sporting goods store and like I was saying at the club, I go like, you know, they'll lock up guns, but like bow and arrows, that's still free range. | ||
| Free range! | ||
| It's like, you know, you bring in the daddy, bring your daughter in like, hey, you want to play Hunger Games? | ||
| Yeah, grab a bow and arrow. | ||
| Like they're just out there, you know, I think that's cool. | ||
| And they've got like some super cool bows now, you know. | ||
| Oh, that's what I said earlier. | ||
| I was talking about the archery range in the new studio. | ||
| Oh, in the club. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you could go to a place, the place I went to, well, there's a great place in Springfield, Oregon, called the Bow Rack. | ||
| This guy's got this insane setup, and he tunes all my bows. | ||
| He tunes them up and then sends them down to me, but he's got an indoor range that also has some sort of a... | ||
| Pull it up, because it's kind of crazy. | ||
| It's like a 3D range where it's a video. | ||
| The video pops up, and you shoot arrows at animals and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, neat. | |
| Okay. | ||
| The Bow Rack in Springfield, Oregon. | ||
| But I buy my arrows from that guy, too. | ||
| And from HuntressFriend.com, I buy them from them. | ||
| They make arrows for you. | ||
| Because you gotta... | ||
| Like, arrows, they get fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some of them snap. | ||
| Sometimes you shoot an arrow into another arrow and they explode. | ||
| You Robin Hood them. | ||
| Otherwise, you know, they'll go through the target and hit the metal post behind the target and shatter. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you miss and hit a rock, they're doomed. | ||
| Oh, this is cool. | ||
| Is this going on right now? | ||
| Is this what it is? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| It just says archery 3D range. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Go to the Bow Rack in Springfield, Oregon. | ||
| They have a website, and on the website they have a description of this whole thing that they do. | ||
| I don't know how they do it. | ||
| It's some sort of a game, and you shoot bows and arrows at these moving targets, like a big screen that you would shoot bows and arrows at like a video game. | ||
| I don't know how it works. | ||
| I wonder if in every one of these movies you see the flaming arrow. | ||
| I wonder if that really... | ||
| It's got to be some kind of tar or something they put on it, right? | ||
| It can't just be like... | ||
| He put some rags on that shit. | ||
| No, you'd have to have some gasoline-like. | ||
| That would be the worst. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you see those... | ||
| In the movies. | ||
| Game of Thrones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dragon Breath, whatever it's called. | ||
| They did do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it seems to work in the movies all the time, but I don't remember me and my friends as kids trying to do that. | ||
| Yeah, find the... | ||
| It's in there somewhere. | ||
| Find it on the website. | ||
| Don't look under videos. | ||
| Look under whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| You'll find it. | ||
| You're smart. | ||
| I know you. | ||
| You could do it, kid. | ||
| But it's a fun way to clear your head. | ||
| Have you ever do it? | ||
| Like in the scouts, maybe. | ||
| I always thought that would be a cool thing to know how to do really well, like bow and arrow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's fun. | ||
| It's like while you're doing it, trying to just locate that target and put an arrow in the target. | ||
| It's really odd. | ||
| It frees your mind. | ||
| And I think it probably connects us with some fucking ancient genetic memory of bows and arrows taking out animals. | ||
| What is the yardage of that? | ||
| Like, a football field? | ||
| Can you kill something in a football field? | ||
| You could, but it wouldn't be ethical. | ||
| Because the idea of you hitting it is not so good. | ||
| Oh, I understand. | ||
| But I'm saying, like, what's the range on a bow and arrow? | ||
| Like, you know, a slingshot, they usually say, like, 50 feet, whatever, 80 feet. | ||
| Well, okay. | ||
| I know of a guy who killed a deer at 140 yards with a bow and arrow. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He's just this crazy archer. | ||
| And this was at this place in... | ||
| I forget the name of the archery pro shop in Orange County where this guy works out of. | ||
| I'll find it. | ||
| He's that good? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's a real professional archer. | ||
| And it's like one of his pet tricks is that he can kill a deer at like over 100 yards, which is very rare. | ||
| Most shots you make if you're going to shoot a deer is like 20 yards. | ||
| 40 yards is a fairly long shot. | ||
| There's a big difference between 20 and 40 yards. | ||
| With a rifle, it's nothing. | ||
| With a rifle, 40 yards is an easy shot. | ||
| But with a bow, it's very hard. | ||
| I figured. | ||
| And what about always that one shot you see in every movie where they get it through their calf and now they're limping? | ||
| That's like every movie there's always like, uh, uh, uh. | ||
| I got it in my calf, rip it out. | ||
| The reality is it would blow right through your leg. | ||
| Yeah, I can imagine. | ||
| Yeah, it blows through elks. | ||
| Like if you, like my friend Cameron Haynes, he's this famous bow hunter that's, you saw the picture of him in the front of that sight as he's pulling it up. | ||
| He blows holes through elk, like a 1,200-pound elk. | ||
| You shoot the arrow, it goes right through their body. | ||
| They call it a pass-through. | ||
| And what's the arrowhead? | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a blade. | |
| It's a series of three razor blades. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, they're called broadhead blades, and there's like three of them, and they're attached to this steel tip, and they just cut right through the animals. | ||
| Would that go through, like, would it go through armor? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, okay. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| It would go through, you know, a sheet of metal. | ||
| Oh, neat. | ||
| A thin sheet of metal. | ||
| That is a cool skill to have, man. | ||
| Depends on how far away it is. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's a very challenging way to try to acquire your meat, if that's what you wanted to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you wanted to just be a guy who's just... | ||
| Especially if you use, like, an old-school recurve bow. | ||
| There's dudes out there that hunt with old-school, like... | ||
| You know, no sights, just a longbow. | ||
| And they're shooting arrows into animals, and that's where they get all their meat from. | ||
| It's a pretty fucking caveman of you. | ||
| That's the real deal. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Maybe that's your next show. | ||
| Maybe the crossbow. | ||
| That's like the kind of suburban guys, you know? | ||
| It's a little easier. | ||
| There's a lot of complaints about crossbows because they're allowing people to hunt with crossbows now during archery season in Wisconsin. | ||
| It's a big point of contention. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because the regular archers know how difficult it is to get good with a bow and arrow. | ||
| But with a crossbow, all you have to do is point that bitch. | ||
| It's a gun. | ||
| Yeah, it's very similar to a gun. | ||
| The Walking Dead thing revitalized that whole love affair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody gets excited now about Daryl's crossbow. | ||
| That is it. | ||
| Yeah, the Walking Dead... | ||
| I can't believe how good that show got this season. | ||
| I thought it was going to die. | ||
| I thought it was over. | ||
| I was like, this show, I'm done with it. | ||
| But this season, it came back so strong. | ||
| It's like they just revitalized it. | ||
| They figured out what they did wrong. | ||
| Yeah, that is... | ||
| I never read the novel, the graphic novel or anything like that, but it is definitely riveting, you know? | ||
| I never read the graphic novel because it doesn't exist. | ||
| It's a fucking comic book. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| Dorks. | ||
| I was trying to be, uh... | ||
| Graphic novel. | ||
| I was trying to, uh... | ||
| I'm tired of the people saying the graphic novel. | ||
| You know what the fuck that is, son. | ||
| Do they talk in little bubbles? | ||
| Yeah, that's called a comic book. | ||
| But it's like a $30 comic book. | ||
| That's a lot of out of my paper route. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| If you put it in little kid money, that's a lot of saving up at the lemonade stand. | ||
| Well, I used to love those, the old school ones. | ||
| There used to be these big ones called Creepy and Eerie. | ||
| Do you remember those? | ||
| They were really good drawings in black and white. | ||
| And, you know, they were kind of like graphic novels, too. | ||
| That was definitely like the heavy metal years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like that kind of year. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Heavy metal. | ||
| Remember the heavy metal comic books? | ||
| It was a magazine. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And it was like, it was like, it was like porn light because they had all those cool chicks in it. | ||
| And then it had like the, the cool, like, you know, trippy shit. | ||
| Did they have tits? | ||
| Did they show porn tits? | ||
| They would show like those, like, you know, whatever, those like, you know, savage princesses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, fights and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Remember the movie? | ||
| Remember Heavy Metal, the movie? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Yeah, my friend worked on it. | ||
| Her mom did the scene with the Corvette, Rita Lux, with the hot chick and the Corvette. | ||
| Pull some of that up. | ||
| I don't even remember that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| There was a time where they were making animated adult movies. | ||
| Do you remember Wizards? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you remember Wizards? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I just saw that recently. | ||
| It was a great fucking... | ||
| For the longest time, I had a Wizards poster. | ||
| That was like a big message movie, you know, about like war and like, you know, music, whatever. | ||
| But that's the one where they had like the Hitler speeches would create evil. | ||
| And then the other, yeah, I recently just saw it. | ||
| Probably that was like one of those things that's like on the, you know, like weird on demand scrolls. | ||
| I haven't seen it in forever, but now I want to see it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Isn't it weird how there's memories that you normally can't access, but all of a sudden you go down a road and you're like, oh, what is this? | ||
| You find it on the ground. | ||
| Oh, Wizards! | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| You know, it's like, if you had asked me, you know, there was an animated film, it was from the 1970s, and you'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Like, normally without going down this road, I would never have access to that map. | ||
| But we're going down the heavy metal road. | ||
| As soon as you, you know, we went from creepy and eerie to heavy metal. | ||
| Heavy metal. | ||
| To heavy metal the movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Animated movies for adults. | ||
| And then boom, wizards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beyond the future. | |
| To a universe you've never seen before. | ||
| This is definitely it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, this is it. | ||
| It looks great. | ||
| They used a different kind of form of animation where they actually drew over real stuff. | ||
| So that's why the people look kind of weird and realistic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just drew over live action. | |
| This is incredible. | ||
| I need to watch this movie again, too. | ||
| I saw this in the movie theater. | ||
| This is a big midnight show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I saw Wizards in the movie theater, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Wow, this is wild. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good landing, man. | |
| This is what year, Brian? | ||
| It's the 80s, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The 80s. | ||
| 81. Wow. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| This was my freshman year of high school. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Yeah, this scene. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hand over your cash. | |
| They used... | ||
| Really? | ||
| They drew... | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| He cooked the guy. | ||
| Yeah, they used something called rotoscoping, where that's actually a guy underneath there acting. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of sexual fantasies. | |
| Boy, the voiceover's awful. | ||
| Look at those tits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, this is it. | |
| What a good kid. | ||
| Everybody's so def... | ||
| That was before fake tits. | ||
| Those are real, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Harry? | |
| Can I speak with you? | ||
| Oh, this is all porn. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| They tricked you. | ||
| It was every guy's fantasy. | ||
| It was just enough. | ||
| Spaceships and tits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just enough when you're 16. Yeah, wow. | |
| Spaceships and tits. | ||
| That was the working title. | ||
| What a great fucking movie. | ||
| Play that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is in the movie preview, though, I guess. | ||
| You can't play it. | ||
| This is the best. | ||
| It's all vignettes, you know? | ||
| So this is the one where she fights the evil on that weird bird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This was Game of Thrones before Game of Thrones. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha. | |
| And there was that weird theme song too, right? | ||
| Wow, this is incredible to see. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| 1981. South Park remade of this. | ||
| It was probably one of the best episodes ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That was with the cat piss, right? | ||
| Where they go into the crazy universe. | ||
| I have two must-see things now. | ||
| That and Wizards. | ||
| Pull up Wizards. | ||
| Robert Bakshi? | ||
| Is that what the guy's name was? | ||
| Wizard has a lot of message to it. | ||
| Yeah, I don't really remember the message, but that was even before Heavy Metal. | ||
| I saw Wizards with my stepdad when I was like, that ain't it. | ||
| That's the South Park version. | ||
| See, this is South Park. | ||
| Kenny gets high on cat piss. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| The Heavy Metal world. | ||
| Right into the movie. | ||
| That's the song. | ||
| Yeah, that's the song. | ||
| Oh, this is amazing! | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This is for the people listening. | ||
| This is just something you need to watch on YouTube. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a convertible Trans Amson with the eagle on the hood. | |
| The real one. | ||
| The Burt Reynolds one. | ||
| They sold one of those on that show Fast and Loud. | ||
| You ever see that show Fast and Loud? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The car show. | ||
| They actually have one like that? | ||
| They sold a real, old-school Burt Reynolds smoking the band of Trans Am. | ||
| And Burt Reynolds signed it. | ||
| He signed the dash. | ||
| They flew down to Florida and met him at his house and held the dashboard out for him and he signed it for them. | ||
| It's pretty cool. | ||
| Would he be one of your ultimate guests, you think? | ||
| Burt Reynolds? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's hurting these days, man. | ||
| He had a lot of physical pain. | ||
| If you see him, he's bent over and he walks with a cane. | ||
| He's really hunched over. | ||
| Yeah, but it would be cool to get him... | ||
| Really, if he would want to come in, I think that would be a great guest. | ||
| He would definitely be a great guest, but I feel like... | ||
| I mean, I would really have to talk to him to try to figure that out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See if he's okay. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like someone who's... | ||
| I mean, when I saw him on Fast and Loud, see if he can pull it up, Brian, because it's crazy to see. | ||
| Yeah, we showed that. | ||
| Oh, we did show that. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He's so hunched over that it looks like the guy's in agony. | ||
| Oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| I wouldn't want to have a, you know, tell me about Sally Field's pussy story. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| What I liked about Burt Reynolds, not only was he the ultimate sex god, whatever kind of dude, whatever that was, but he also was another guy who directed. | ||
| He was one of those guys, he crossed over to be the director really early on. | ||
| I think he was a franchise guy, like Smokey and the Bandit or whatever it was. | ||
| He made that jump because he was that big a star. | ||
| So he was like one of the last big stars who could do whatever he wanted. | ||
| He was a pretty huge star. | ||
| He was an awesome fucking actor, man. | ||
| I mean, people only know him from the Smoking the Bandit days or some of the other crazy shit that he did, but he'd go way back to fucking Deliverance, man. | ||
| Remember, in Deliverance, he used a bow and arrow to shoot that dude. | ||
| See? | ||
| Full circle. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| Bring it on back to bows and arrows. | ||
| Yeah, there he is. | ||
| Poor guy. | ||
| He still looks pretty good. | ||
| Oh, look at that, man. | ||
| See his posture? | ||
| That's so hard to see. | ||
| He was a football player, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The guy was a stud. | ||
| To see him this broken down, bent knees, walking with a cane, probably in real agony there. | ||
| That doesn't look like... | ||
| I wouldn't want to be on a fucking podcast if I looked like that. | ||
| And I don't think he leaves Florida either. | ||
| I think he just chills. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's rough seeing your hero slowly rot away before your eyes, David Tell. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Is this Wizards? | ||
| Yeah, this is Wizards. | ||
| It's also filmed the same way using rotoscoping, which is real actors underneath these people. | ||
| How did they get real goblins? | ||
| Well, that you can tell right there, that is. | ||
| You can tell the motions. | ||
| There's some scary moments in this one, by the way. | ||
| It's a good fucking movie, man. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| When you're a little kid, you're like, what's happening here? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| What's it like one guy was the good guy and the other guy's brother was evil? | ||
| Yeah, the good wizard and then the bad one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He's a Brooklyn wizard. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| ancient secrets of propaganda, technology, and war. | ||
| Wow, this is wild. | ||
| And sends out his muted armies in a reign of unimaginable terror. | ||
| Those are the good people, but little elves. | ||
| More tits! | ||
| They were free in the 70s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What year was this, Brian? | |
| 87? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| No. | ||
| Wow, that's cool that it's later. | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Yeah, I'll find out. | ||
| 1977? | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, because I was... | ||
| I saw it when I was really young. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| I guess I was 10. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| They should be showing it in schools to teach the kid about propaganda. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Well, it's also to teach them about the evolution of culture and art. | ||
| If you just look at those movies, like the heavy metal movie and that movie, they were so much more. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| They had to do things like that because they didn't have the kind of CGI we had today. | ||
| So it was almost like their alternative was to go artistic and make this fantasy world. | ||
| They were all drawing and animation and ways where you didn't have to totally make it real. | ||
| You could still enjoy it. | ||
| Instead of having it be, you know, like, if you went back to, like, really shitty, like, old school King Kong, like, King Kong from the 30s animation, Oh, yes. | ||
| That's kind of what they had from those days. | ||
| But I love that really old, old animation with the steamboat Willie. | ||
| I like where it's like ink, just all black and white. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| It's like an amazing drawing, you know? | ||
| Do you ever see those guys do those stop-motion claymation things that they used to do for King Kong? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| And they used to do each frame, move it a little, each frame, move it a little. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Ray Harryhausen? | ||
| Is that what the guy's name was? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Did you ever see The Wizard? | ||
| What's The Wizard? | ||
| Not The Wizards, but The Wizard. | ||
| That's maybe you should check out. | ||
| Here's one of the best clips from it ever. | ||
| The Wizard? | ||
| This date's... | ||
| Look how cheesy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You The Wizard? | |
| No, he is. | ||
| This guy? | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| Is he like a poster child for someone? | ||
| For your information, butthead, he's headed for the video championships in Los Angeles. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Remember this? | ||
| No! | ||
| Well, he's just a really good video game player. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that right? | |
| Yeah, this is when video games first came out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So what year is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is 89. Pick any game you want. | |
| But watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm good at all of them. | |
| I have 97 of them. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know all 97 of them? | |
| Let's check that. | ||
| Remember the power gloves? | ||
| You had a power glove? | ||
| For a video game? | ||
| I don't remember any of this. | ||
| They actually used to sell this. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Yeah, it was horrible though. | ||
| What was it for? | ||
| You used to be able to control certain video games with it, but it was really poorly designed. | ||
| This is hilarious. | ||
| He plays a game called, I think, Rad Racer or something like that. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| Narco-trafficker. | ||
| 89, 87. So this guy's hooking the console up to the TV. A big giant TV, I should add. | ||
| TV looks like a house. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Road racer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So he's choosing everything with his glove. | |
| Wow, look at the graphics. | ||
| Oh my god, this is hilarious. | ||
| Your GPS is more exciting now than that. | ||
| They're all getting intimidated. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| They're intimidated. | ||
| This kid is steering with his glove and everyone's getting intimidated. | ||
| He's the best! | ||
| He's the best I've ever seen! | ||
| That's the Wonder Kid guy. | ||
| He's like dead now, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How old is he? | |
| Is he dead? | ||
| No, he's not dead. | ||
| But how old is he now? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But back then, everyone was shitting themselves when they saw this, you know? | ||
| Yeah, this is incredible. | ||
| This guy's steering. | ||
| And the music, the inspirational music. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's the best part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeez. | |
| I love the power glove. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so bad. | |
| Whoa, he puts it right up his ass. | ||
| You know he does. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just keep your power gloves off her, pal. | |
| Ah, there you go, Fred. | ||
| There you go, Fred. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Wow. | ||
| That's gross. | ||
| The guy's name was Willis O'Brien. | ||
| He was the one who did the stop-motion animation. | ||
| In 1933. 1933 King Kong. | ||
| Have you seen the trailer for Godzilla? | ||
| Yeah, the new one. | ||
| Fucking looks awesome. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| Do you watch old school movies, Dave? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| Do you ever watch old school movies and imagine trying to live in that time? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah, I always like it better. | ||
| Although, there's some place, sometimes I would never, like the Colonial Times, I find that the most boring times ever. | ||
| That movie, that new show, Turn, it's like spies and Colonial Times, who cares? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| Oh, okay, well, it's like Revolutionary War era spy ring, you know, the Americans, but they have great dialogue. | ||
| It's like, you have to leave, you have to get to Delaware! | ||
| You know, it's like all local stuff that you can get there on a bus ride now, but it's like, I don't know, it's going to take me three days to get to Jersey. | ||
| And then, you know, like, they're a colonial spy, so it's, like, boring. | ||
| But, you know, it's, like, educational. | ||
| So that's the big show. | ||
| Now on, in between Walking Dead seasons. | ||
| It's on AMC. Yeah, if you're going to go back through time, you want to go like Cowboys and Indians is a good era. | ||
| Yeah, fun time. | ||
| That's a good time. | ||
| Way deep, you want to go like, you know. | ||
| Medieval times. | ||
| Medieval times. | ||
| Roman times. | ||
| Gladiator times. | ||
| Colonial times, not much. | ||
| Colonial times is probably pretty fucking boring. | ||
| I'm not interested. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| I'm telling you right now. | ||
| Yeah, what a bad choice. | ||
| Well, but it's all like, you know, they're spies, so it's like weird stuff. | ||
| Like they'll write like the guy's name on an egg. | ||
| You know, but it's colonial times. | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| They'll never have a show on Civil War. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Oh, uh... | ||
| Like a Civil War show, where they show, like, they follow around the South, follow the soldiers around. | ||
| Make it a commie. | ||
| The people were fighting for slavery. | ||
| Oh, those guys. | ||
| You know, they... | ||
| Like, in the old days, the Hogan Heroes days, they could make a... | ||
| They had a show about the goddamn Holocaust. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, they did. | ||
| I mean, it was a sitcom about... | ||
| A concentration camp in Germany. | ||
| American soldiers who were always tricking those dumb Germans. | ||
| But Klink was one of the stars. | ||
| You know, Colonel Kurtz, he was one of the stars. | ||
| No, Colonel Klink and Schultz. | ||
| Schultz was one of the stars. | ||
| They were stars. | ||
| He's German, and they were buffoons. | ||
| Did Hitler ever come on the show? | ||
| Was he ever a part of the show? | ||
| They would have him drive, like, be like, the Fuhrer's in that car, and, like, you'd never see him, and they would zig-heil the car, and then he would, like, go out. | ||
| I thought that was an excellent move. | ||
| Like, you never really get to see him. | ||
| But Hogan was always well fed. | ||
| He always looked fine. | ||
| Yeah, because he's always tricking them. | ||
| He's always tricking them. | ||
| That was a ridiculous show. | ||
| Could you imagine someone pitching a show like that today? | ||
| Well, this was the season finale. | ||
| It didn't end good, did it? | ||
| Was there a season finale? | ||
| They just all died? | ||
| Yeah, they all got gassed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The joke is on you, Hogan. | |
| The end of the show's series is 30 years after the fact. | ||
| Some guy's a Holocaust denier and he's mocking it all. | ||
| And then they fade to black. | ||
| That's some weird fucking thinking. | ||
| Holocaust deniers? | ||
| I've had some people send me videos. | ||
| Just watch this with an open mind. | ||
| Not really going to do that. | ||
| Do you think they could ever do a sitcom, you know, like a comedy with Hitler, like Hitler Knows Best, where he's married or something? | ||
| Didn't they try and do that in England? | ||
| Because they usually have coolers. | ||
| Up until recently, their TV was way ahead of us. | ||
| But wasn't it where Hitler had retired and he was living in England? | ||
| It was like an 80s show, I believe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you remember Mel Brooks' Springtime for Hitler? | ||
| Yeah, it was something like that. | ||
| Do you know that story? | ||
| No, what is it? | ||
| One of his movies. | ||
| What was the movie? | ||
| Do you remember the movie? | ||
| The Producers. | ||
| The Producers of Springtime for Hitler. | ||
| He had all this money that he was trying to make, for whatever reason, trying to make this Broadway musical fail. | ||
| He was trying to make the worst Broadway musical ever. | ||
| So he made Springtime for Hitler. | ||
| The idea was that it would be a musical about Hitler, but people loved it. | ||
| It became like a smash hit. | ||
| I think it's called Hail Honey, I'm Home. | ||
| Yeah, Hail Honey, I'm Home. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| What? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I gotta see the opening things. | ||
| Hail Honey, I'm Home. | ||
| Under the billing, not so much a sitcom, more of a hit con. | ||
| Unfortunately, neither Brendan nor the series were heard of again until now. | ||
| A chance discovery in a Burbank backlog has revealed the lost tapes in Burbank, not my house. | ||
| Heil, honey, I'm home. | ||
| Tapes that we believe vindicate Brandon's unsung comic vision. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Okay, let's see what the opening... | ||
| I gotta see the opening show. | ||
| Heil, honey, I'm home. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, this isn't real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Heil, honey, I'm home! | |
| I don't believe this at all. | ||
| No, this is... | ||
| Yeah, I'm not sure if this is... | ||
| This is a parody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Heil, honey, me! | |
| What did I do now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, tonight you were making schnitzel! | |
| What a jerk! | ||
| You must be real mad at me, honey. | ||
| I'm a very, very bad Hitler. | ||
| Come here, baby. | ||
| Don't touch me! | ||
| You've been late for your dinner every night this week! | ||
| Ava, babe, please! | ||
| I'm the Führer. | ||
| I'm a busy man. | ||
| I can't just walk off the job at 5 o'clock. | ||
| On Monday, you had to meet with Goebbels. | ||
| On Tuesday, von Ribbentrop. | ||
| On Wednesday, Klaus Katzenjammer. | ||
| Who's Klaus Katzenjammer? | ||
| He's my tailor. | ||
| You should see the tux, honey. | ||
| You see, everyone's more important than Ava. | ||
| Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Schicklegruber. | ||
| You may be big stuff in Germany, but I knew you when you were just a house painter! | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They're almost out of Hitler jokes. | ||
| Oh my god, that is awful. | ||
| They're almost out of all the Hitler jokes, and it's like two minutes in. | ||
| That doesn't even seem real. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think that's what I... I think that there was something else, like the English version, because that seems like that was just done a couple years ago. | ||
| That seems like it was just... | ||
| Like, a sketch. | ||
| I guess it's, uh, it is home. | ||
| It is real. | ||
| Is it from England? | ||
| They did seven episodes? | ||
| Is that what it says? | ||
| One aired and seven unaired episodes. | ||
| Why is it seven? | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Seven unaired. | ||
| Yeah, but it's cool that they gave it a shot. | ||
| It says it was after one episode aired. | ||
| They canceled it immediately. | ||
| They found the tapes in Burbank. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Yeah, of course they canceled it. | ||
| And the guy who made it? | ||
| What happened to him? | ||
| He's dead. | ||
| They ate him. | ||
| They ate him in a Jewish ceremony. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Could you imagine pitching that to the network? | ||
| It's balls. | ||
| It's just so stupid. | ||
| And then not having any jokes to go with it? | ||
| I know. | ||
| You'd have to have some really good stuff to go with it. | ||
| I bet Trey Parker and Matt Stone could do it. | ||
| Remember when they did that George Bush show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was pretty fucking funny. | ||
| That's my Bush. | ||
| That show wasn't that good. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| I didn't think it was that good. | ||
| Don't pull it up. | ||
| I just didn't think it was... | ||
| I think their best stuff... | ||
| I was going to say their best stuff doesn't have real people, but I like the Mormon musical. | ||
| That thing rocks. | ||
| I can't even get tickets for that. | ||
| That's sold out for a year or something. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| It's really that successful, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I saw it early on. | ||
| It's really funny, man. | ||
| Somebody said that, like, that's one of the only adult shows on Broadway. | ||
| Like, Broadway used to be, like, you know, you and your mistress. | ||
| You go out and you see, like, you know, whatever, Sammy Davis Jr. and, like, you know, crazy, like, adult stuff. | ||
| Then it became all kidified, very Disney, you know? | ||
| These shows now are, like, all about, like, just, like, singing tunes you already know, you know? | ||
| And that's, like, an original concept, and it's really cool. | ||
| It's supposedly really dark and funny, so... | ||
| Well, it's probably the first one of those... | ||
| Whose phone is it? | ||
| That's mine. | ||
| It'll go on if I keep turning it off. | ||
| You still have a flip phone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What year did you buy that phone? | ||
| When did Heavy Metal come out? | ||
| Do you print out directions still? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| Why do you still have a phone like that? | ||
| I just like it. | ||
| I like having a burner on me. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| A burner you throw in the ocean with shit in the cup? | ||
| When the fuzz closes in. | ||
| It's a great... | ||
| It's a conversation starter. | ||
| It's like, what is that? | ||
| They pull it out in front of chicks, and they go, oh, Dave, you're so eccentric. | ||
| Oh, Grandpa. | ||
| You're so eccentric. | ||
| Yeah, I was at a... | ||
| Do you guys mind if I have a cigarette? | ||
| Yeah, you can have a cigarette. | ||
| You can have a cigarette here. | ||
| We'll turn the fan on. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But don't fire one up as well, Brian. | ||
| It's torture. | ||
| It's disgusting for your body. | ||
| You need to quit, David Tell. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I totally agree with you now because... | ||
| How do you handle stress? | ||
| You work out a lot, right? | ||
| But when you're stressed, you find that's when you grab for the cigarette or whatever, like the drink or something. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| Well, look, everybody experiences stress. | ||
| It's just a matter of if you can, if you have the time, exercise to me is always the best way to manage the whole thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You have a filter on there like Hunter S. Thompson? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at you, sexy bitch. | ||
| What's that for? | ||
| It's supposed to keep you alive another couple weeks? | ||
| No, you get to see the tour coming out. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| There's something about it. | ||
| I find that it's cool. | ||
| Like I'm pulling for it. | ||
| No, I definitely think that taking care of your body helps mitigate a lot of the stress that everybody feels, especially when you do a lot of things like I do and travel a lot like I do. | ||
| You're involved in a lot of different things. | ||
| A lot of plates are spinning. | ||
| There's a lot of thinking. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's why I feel like I started doing some kettlebells and something like that, and I immediately felt horrible, but then I started feeling better just because it really is like a stress reliever, but nothing beats cigarettes. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I think he'll crack me up. | ||
| Will you blow it on me? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Well, I know. | ||
| This is a long run, dude. | ||
| It's just terrible for everybody else in the room. | ||
| But you guys love it so much. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You sacrifice for everybody else in the room. | ||
| Alright, I feel like a dick. | ||
| But it's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing that cigarette people are like that. | ||
| You love it so much. | ||
| It's so important to you. | ||
| You want everybody else to suck in the smoky air in this 20-foot room. | ||
| I mean, I gave you the green light. | ||
| It's all good. | ||
| We've got to get Adam to come over here and build a filtration system. | ||
| Well, we have a filter behind you. | ||
| That's what it's for. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| From when Dice was here! | ||
| Oh! | ||
| I wonder how much he smokes today. | ||
| I don't think he smokes anymore. | ||
| Smokes. | ||
| I thought he quit. | ||
| Smokes. | ||
| Smokes again. | ||
| I give it up. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| I gave it up and then I gave up giving up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| David, have you tried doing the electronic cigarettes? | ||
| I'm not doing that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| Are you going to walk around with that wizard wand? | ||
| But you can do this in a hotel room. | ||
| You can do this in a restaurant. | ||
| I bet you no. | ||
| In a year from now, they'll say no. | ||
| You like the whole thing. | ||
| You like the smell. | ||
| I love the smell of it. | ||
| You like the whole deal. | ||
| What do you like about it? | ||
| When you light up, what are you feeling? | ||
| I like that it smells like death. | ||
| It's just pure waste. | ||
| Do you worry about your health? | ||
| I could care less at this point. | ||
| No, I do. | ||
| Well, could care less is the wrong. | ||
| You know that. | ||
| No, but I'm just saying that, like, the whole idea with the cigarette is that, you know... | ||
| They'll do these things, right? | ||
| They'll do this thing, and then, of course, somebody won't like that, and then it'll be easy to jump on that. | ||
| You mean the electronic cigarette? | ||
| The electronic cigarette, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's like, do you understand that people are doing electronic cigarette because they can't do this thing, which is worse? | ||
| So it's like, give them a break for at least a year of, like, let them smoke these electronic cigarettes before you, like, clamp down again on them for that, you know? | ||
| Well, the problem with the electronic cigarettes is not the standard ones, like those little blues that push out vapor. | ||
| Some of them push out a smell. | ||
| Like, there's something distinguishable about it, and I'm like, ooh, what am I breathing in here? | ||
| I feel like I'm breathing in some sort of chemicals. | ||
| Like, Brian's. | ||
| Brian's is like... | ||
| It's just tiramisu. | ||
| It's a big cloud that comes out of it. | ||
| Like, it's not like a mist. | ||
| Yeah, I don't like that. | ||
| It's more of a smoke. | ||
| Like, that's a... | ||
| It seems like a better smoke than cigarettes, but still a smoke. | ||
| Like, puff out it. | ||
| Let me see what it looks like. | ||
| My battery died. | ||
| See? | ||
| More torturous. | ||
| But, you know, they have flavored stuff. | ||
| There's all these, like, weird, twinkie, crunchy flavors. | ||
| You know, teddy bear. | ||
| Do you worry about your health at all, man? | ||
| Of course I do. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| What, with the cigarettes? | ||
| Have you ever tried to not do it anymore? | ||
| I quit. | ||
| I quit before. | ||
| But, you know, at this point, like, when I brought up the stress and stuff like that, like, I'm out. | ||
| I'm, you know, like, super hardcore promoting and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's like, you know, it's just all stress right now, so, you know. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| You know the Johnny Carson story, right? | ||
| Oh, with the epizema? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He couldn't even talk, but all he would say is, those damn cigarettes. | ||
| He was walking around with an oxygen tank, hoses in his nose. | ||
| Yeah, but what a life. | ||
| But what a life. | ||
| What a life before that. | ||
| Hmm, I guess. | ||
| Is that what you gotta do? | ||
| The cigarettes really made it juicy, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I guess we live in a culture where we have to live forever now. | ||
| I don't really understand. | ||
| It's not about living forever. | ||
| It's about maintaining your health while you're alive. | ||
| Yeah, it's a horrible end. | ||
| That's for sure. | ||
| Mike Lacey from the Comedy Magic Club pulled Brian aside once and was explaining to him what it was like at the end. | ||
| It made me cry. | ||
| But, you know, one of the biggest things I miss when I do quit, when I try doing these electronic cigarettes, or I try not to smoke, is the smoking period. | ||
| You know, where you're outside talking to other smokers, and there's like something to that. | ||
| Camaraderie, where you're all killing yourself together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I'm definitely going to try and quit again, but it's a lot harder than non-quitters think. | ||
| I mean, than non-smokers think to quit. | ||
| It's not like, you know, whatever, you know. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| There is truth to the, you know, cigarettes are harder to quit than like, you know, heroin or something like that. | ||
| I mean, there really is like, cigarettes are so ingrained usually in people that smoke, but... | ||
| But for people that don't smoke, it must blow you away, the fact that we're doing this incredibly suicidal thing. | ||
| Well, I'm fascinated by it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The reason why I ask you is not because I want to pester you, but because everybody that smokes that smart, like you, I always feel compelled to try to get their point of view and see if they have a point of view, if they just deal with it, they compartmentalize it, they don't think about it. | ||
| Look, I'm fascinated by addictions. | ||
| I'm really fascinated by especially things that I don't do, like cigarettes, gambling, coke, shit like that. | ||
| I'm fascinated by those things. | ||
| So I'm always fascinated by the mindset, because I don't totally understand it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, so I just, when a guy like you is a smart guy, and I see you doing it, and you love it, you fucking can't wait to, can I fire this up? | ||
| Well, I mean, we have been here three hours, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not quite. | |
| I would have smoked half a pack if we were out on the street. | ||
| Would you really? | ||
| I could tell you, like, how many cigarettes per, like, if you... | ||
| How much do you smoke? | ||
| Probably two packs a day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That's a lot, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Every 10 minutes. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You made me nervous. | ||
| No, it's less than that because I don't sleep. | ||
| I get up to smoke. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How much do you sleep? | ||
| Maybe now that I'm doing all this crazy stuff, three hours. | ||
| What? | ||
| What do you normally sleep? | ||
| Five hours, if I'm lucky. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Four hours, maybe. | ||
| Well, you're juiced up on nicotine all the time. | ||
| No, it has to do with I have to work. | ||
| I have to do the notes at night so that they can edit during the day, and then I go in at night. | ||
| Now, like with all these, like with radio, as you know, like radio and all that stuff, it's like there's a weird schedule to all that and then doing shows at night because I never stopped doing shows, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But I meant like when you're not doing this and you said five hours. | ||
| Yeah, like five hours maybe. | ||
| Is that because you're all juiced up with nicotine all the time? | ||
| I think because I'm old and my prostate tells me it's time to get up, take a leak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Five hours and you're good? | ||
| If I'm lucky, you know. | ||
| Get some pom-pom juice. | ||
| Have you tried some of those pills that help? | ||
| What is this, Dr. Oz? | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| It's like we were just watching Heavy Metal and there's like a caribou carcass here. | ||
| It's like, have you ever thought of like... | ||
| I'm like, who gives a shit? | ||
| It's part of getting old, guys. | ||
| Get used to it. | ||
| Get used to it. | ||
| Joe, you're old enough to start now and not have any problems from smoking. | ||
| You should try it out for a year. | ||
| You would never smoke. | ||
| Anybody who was an athlete in their youth or still is involved in athletics, smoking is a no. | ||
| My cardio is very important to me. | ||
| Yeah, I understand that. | ||
| I'd never fuck around with that. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I do love, like, you know, smokers do, like, I'm just talking about, like, my dad and his friends, like, they would have amazing, like, smoker superpowers where it's like, you know, they couldn't do anything, but, like, if there was, like, something like, you know, hey, I need your help, what happened? | ||
| My car fell in a ditch, and, like, they would just, like, come out with a cigarette in their mouth and, like, lift up the car. | ||
| I was like, man, that's so cool, you know? | ||
| Well, they would always work on cars with a cigarette dangling out of their mouth, gasoline everywhere, oil, everything everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, no, just like there's that smoker dude superpower. | ||
| Like, I guess on Mad Men you see some of it, too, where, like, they're constantly smoking all the time, doing whatever they do. | ||
| But those are, like, real cigarettes, by the way. | ||
| There's no organic. | ||
| Those are real. | ||
| Yeah, there's, like, marbles and camels and luckies. | ||
| What brands do you smoke? | ||
| Do you do the organic? | ||
| I do the organic now, so... | ||
| That's probably better for you. | ||
| And I think that they help me just because they taste horrible, like... | ||
| The reds were the best tasting. | ||
| That's like candy. | ||
| Marlboro reds taste good? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Don't you feel like with the American spirits, when you wake up, you have more of like... | ||
| That's a thicker smoke. | ||
| It doesn't have all the chemicals you're burning. | ||
| The chemicals probably help the cigarettes evaporate better. | ||
| Well, I'm just saying that I can usually tell three hours, that would have been probably coming up on half a pack, so that's like 10 cigarettes. | ||
| Brian, you still smoke Newport's? | ||
| Newports? | ||
| I don't smoke Newports. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| There's a brand that's funny. | ||
| That was my point. | ||
| I wanted to make a point there. | ||
| There's a brand that if you say it, it's funny. | ||
| Like, get out of here! | ||
| What do you drive, a Yugo? | ||
| What? | ||
| Newports are for Asians. | ||
| Do Asians like Newports too? | ||
| No, that was urban. | ||
| Newports were for urban. | ||
| They were like, this is racist. | ||
| The ad was two beautiful black people smoking a Newport, and they're like, this is racist. | ||
| Come up with a racist Newport ad. | ||
| Google that. | ||
| There's got to be one on YouTube. | ||
| They have a menthol cigarette racist quitting ad that they're playing right now and people are saying is racist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me see if I can find it right here. | |
| Here we go. | ||
| Menthol cigarette quitting ad. | ||
| Oh, I've seen that. | ||
| That's definitely racist. | ||
| But why is it racist to be accurate? | ||
| Are we trying to pretend that black people don't enjoy a menthol on occasion? | ||
| I mean, how many black people like menthols? | ||
| That's the sound of Dave's cigarette lighter. | ||
| No, that's my horrible old phone. | ||
| He's thinking about firing one up again. | ||
| No, I'm not going to. | ||
| That's North Hollywood. | ||
| Crank that up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pack of menthols. | |
| Pack of menthols. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Honey, I'm going to need more than that. | |
| Oh, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| This is the wrong one. | ||
| Yeah, this is the wrong one. | ||
| These are the new ones. | ||
| These are the new ones. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| What a bunch of chumps. | ||
| Here's the, I think the original one. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| The guy pulls the teeth out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's not really racist. | ||
| Well, the fact that he ordered menthols. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not enough. | |
| Well, if you were going to say a pack of cigarettes, you wouldn't just say a pack of smokes. | ||
| Because they would say what kind. | ||
| So he goes a pack of menthols. | ||
| It's almost like he has to. | ||
| And he pulls his tooth out. | ||
| It's not enough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's a pack of menthols cost? | |
| Your teeth. | ||
| Smoking menthols or regular cigarettes can cause serious gum disease that makes you more likely to lose them. | ||
| See you again. | ||
| And that was a black guy's voice, the VO. How do you know? | ||
| No, he sounded, yeah. | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| No, I think I work with him at the improv. | ||
| No. | ||
| I tried to talk to somebody once, and they wouldn't admit that you could tell the difference when a black guy's on the phone sometimes. | ||
| There's this white liberal woman. | ||
| She's like, I really don't see that. | ||
| I'm like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You're telling me that you can't talk to someone. | ||
| She goes, what are you trying to say? | ||
| Like, she tried to pin it on me. | ||
| Are you trying to say that black people don't talk? | ||
| No, that's what I'm trying to say. | ||
| I'm trying to say that with an intelligent, articulate person with a law degree that happens to be black, most times you can tell. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It doesn't mean that they're not intelligent, but that's no different than you being able to tell that someone's from New York, or you being able to tell that someone is from Florida or the South. | ||
| That's a real thing. | ||
| It doesn't make them less intelligent. | ||
| You don't have to pussyfoot around that. | ||
| But black people sometimes on the phone have a different way of talking. | ||
| Is it mostly because of reception? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You could tell they have a shitty phone service? | |
| They have a different plan. | ||
| No, that's not what it means at all, Brian. | ||
| They have a way of talking. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about, Brian. | ||
| Basically, there's a situation here. | ||
| The jurisdiction is in your court. | ||
| I mean, you're not always right, but you'd be really freaked out. | ||
| This is the difference. | ||
| If you heard a black guy talking, and you thought that he was a white guy, and then you met him and you realized he was black, you'd be like, wow, that's kind of interesting. | ||
| It's way worse when you talk to a guy on the phone, you think it's a black guy, you show up it's a white guy, and you go, oh, Christ. | ||
| Like, that guy's a fucking idiot. | ||
| There's almost always an idiot on the other end. | ||
| If you run into a white guy that's talking like a black guy on the phone, like you're convinced you're about to meet a black guy, and it's a white guy, 99% of the time that guy's a moron. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But if you're talking to a guy on the phone, and it's a black guy, and you don't know it's a black guy because he sounds like a white guy, He's usually just a regular guy. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like nothing wrong with him. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Right? | ||
| I'll go with it. | ||
| I could always tell him Mexican because they have that little Mexican twang to him. | ||
| Unless a white dude was raised by black people, sequestered, like in a scientific experiment, they took him only around black people his whole life, then I could understand him talking like that. | ||
| Willie Hunter, I don't know if you remember the comedian Willie Hunter, he's been on a few Death Squad shows. | ||
| He's a perfect example. | ||
| If you had him on the phone, you would think he's white. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of guys like that. | ||
| How about Tyler Knight? | ||
| Remember Tyler Knight? | ||
| He's so smart, he sounds like a white guy. | ||
| That's racist. | ||
| But it's not racist to just make an observation. | ||
| Saying that's racist is like saying a lot of chicks get more freckles like Irish when they're out in the sun. | ||
| That's fucking true! | ||
| It's not racist to say that. | ||
| Irish people have a problem with the sun. | ||
| Pale people who have really white skin, they get burnt really easily. | ||
| That's not racist either. | ||
| It's an observation. | ||
| But I think with accents, like, when we're talking about, like, you could tell a guy's from a certain... | ||
| It's like, I'm from Long Island. | ||
| Like, we used to have this distinct accent. | ||
| And, like, Boston had this thing. | ||
| And they said that, like, these accents now are starting to, like, you know... | ||
| Homogenize. | ||
| Homogenize into, like, I guess this just, like, you know, mulligan stew of, like, one bad, you know... | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| But there's very few places now where you can actually hear like, oh, that's Kentucky, you know, whatever, you know. | ||
| I love when I go someplace and I hear a real accent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, I love going to New York and, like, the waiters in New York. | ||
| I'd like you, this is the menu, can I introduce you to our specials? | ||
| Yes, that's a real... | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I love hearing... | ||
| The New York accent. | ||
| Yeah, I love hearing an accent that I... Especially, probably, because I... Pretty aware that those aren't going to be around forever. | ||
| In the future, a thousand years from now, there's not going to be any accents. | ||
| Well, like in Gangs of New York, you know, when they had like the different, you know, because they were like Irish, but they were New York. | ||
| So like they had to kind of think of this kind of turn of the century, New York, kind of like really, really down and dirty accent. | ||
| It sounded more like it was wherever, like Ireland, than it was there. | ||
| But it was cool to hear because you're thinking like, you know, when did we really start talking like we talk instead of like the English talky talk, you know, like in England? | ||
| That's a really good point. | ||
| It's like, when was the crossover? | ||
| Yeah, and what caused the crossover? | ||
| Was it just like, because all these different languages were learning English when they got to America? | ||
| Like places like... | ||
| Probably radio. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| You know, like radio, like when everybody started hearing what everybody else sounded like, that's when they started like probably mimicking it. | ||
| And then that became like... | ||
| Because it probably was a technology thing. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You're right. | ||
| That makes a lot of sense. | ||
| Like that's when the accent started dying down and then like with TV, same thing, you know? | ||
| Yeah, no shit, right? | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm no whatever that's called a, you know, scientist or something. | ||
| But yeah, I assume it's like when everybody started really hearing each other like a lot. | ||
| Well, when I heard myself, I was 19 and I heard myself on television for the first time and I realized how gross my accent sounded. | ||
| Boston accent. | ||
| Yeah, I started working on getting rid of it. | ||
| I never minded that accent, though. | ||
| Yeah, but mine was hard. | ||
| It wasn't good. | ||
| I was interviewed after a tournament, and I was talking about putting in hard work. | ||
| Hey, rubberneck. | ||
| I listen to myself going, what is that? | ||
| I love all that Boston patter, though. | ||
| Hey, sweetheart. | ||
| What's up, chappy? | ||
| I love all that shit. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of E's on the end. | ||
| A lot of nicknames. | ||
| There's Sully and Fitzy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking Mikey over there. | ||
| All that Southie stuff. | ||
| It's a place where people suffer. | ||
| Places where people suffer, the senses of humor are going to be a bit stronger. | ||
| It's going to be a bit more character in the air. | ||
| You face adversity in a place like that. | ||
| New York, too. | ||
| It gets cold as fuck in the winter. | ||
| You face a lot of adversity. | ||
| New York, though, New York now is very international, very metro, so... | ||
| If you hear an accent like that, that must mean you're paying money to see it because I've never heard anybody recently with the Brooklyn. | ||
| You don't occasionally go to a restaurant, a real town restaurant, and the guy serving you has a real Brooklyn accent? | ||
| No, I really like those kind of classic, like the Westies, the Irish, that kind of stuff. | ||
| You really don't hear that much anymore. | ||
| Occasionally, you'll see a guy that you knew was a Westie, and you'll be like, what's up? | ||
| And he'll have that cool accent. | ||
| Colin Quinn has the great... | ||
| He's the most intelligent guy I know. | ||
| He's just so smart. | ||
| He has that cool... | ||
| That thing to his voice is like, it's very sexy, it's very good, it's charismatic. | ||
| Yeah, Colin's a fascinating guy. | ||
| He's very funny on Twitter, too. | ||
| God. | ||
| Like, it's funny when people don't know that he's just fucking around. | ||
| Yeah, they don't get the joke. | ||
| If you know his sense of humor, you know, it's really funny. | ||
| But, you know, if you're some 16-year-old kid in the middle of nowhere and you read it, you're like, LOL, dumbass. | ||
| That's not even how it works. | ||
| He'll say things that are so preposterous. | ||
| Did he do a history show on Broadway? | ||
| Yes, he did a one-man show. | ||
| His new one-man show. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| I saw that over July weekend last year. | ||
| It was really good. | ||
| He's really, really, really intelligent, man. | ||
| That would be a great thing for him to do continuously, just like these really cool high-end one-man shows. | ||
| Long story short. | ||
| No, that's the... | ||
| That's another thing he did? | ||
| 75-minute history lesson. | ||
| Does he ever do stand-up specials? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I know that, once again, he's been working on this. | ||
| Putting a one-man show together is endless. | ||
| I know he was working on it, workshopping it. | ||
| Like I said, he would do it in these different clubs. | ||
| But now it's done, and I think he's touring it. | ||
| Hopefully, it'll be... | ||
| It'll be sold, and you can see it on HBO or something. | ||
| I don't even know how that works. | ||
| How do you sell a one-man show? | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| Well, it seems like the kind of show that you would want to see all over the country. | ||
| He could tour in a city for a few months at a time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And do it just sort of like the Book of Mormon, that kind of a thing. | ||
| You could go to see it, because it's just different than just pure stand-up comedy. | ||
| Ultimately, that's the perfect kind of thing for England, where you were talking about they expect a show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That would be the perfect kind of thing. | ||
| It's about the Bill of Rights and it's about our Constitution and stuff like that. | ||
| I definitely do not want to talk more about it because I don't really know exactly. | ||
| It's so intricate. | ||
| It's taking something that is really dry and kind of unfunny and really making it funny. | ||
| He is just that good at this. | ||
| It really is a great show. | ||
| He's going to be in town in California. | ||
| I think he's here now. | ||
| Where's he at? | ||
| May 1st. | ||
| He's in Grass Valley. | ||
| May 2nd, Santa Cruz, and May 3rd, Irvine, California. | ||
| Oh, we'll try to get him May 3rd, or around May 3rd. | ||
| Yeah, he's the best, man. | ||
| We were fucking booked up that week, son of a gun. | ||
| Yeah, no, he's a very underrated stand-up, too. | ||
| I've heard people say they don't think he's funny. | ||
| I'm like, well, you've never seen him live. | ||
| If you've seen him live, you would know how fucking funny that guy is. | ||
| His warm-ups for his show, politically, whatever it was, last... | ||
| Tough crowd. | ||
| Tough crowd, yeah. | ||
| Confusing with politically incorrect. | ||
| That was one of the best warm-ups I ever saw anybody do, ever. | ||
| It was him just fucking around with the crowd doing stand-up. | ||
| And then he would go to do the show. | ||
| I was watching and I was like, wow, you know what? | ||
| This is the best part of the show. | ||
| The best part of the show was him fucking around with the crowd. | ||
| That was the funniest part. | ||
| Us sitting down with these hurried, rushed topics we would go to really quickly on the panel wasn't as good as him doing his little shtick in front of the crowd. | ||
| He is so good and like his, you know, I don't even want to besmirch it, but his crowd work is so like, is so ahead of, I mean, I basically learned how to work a crowd by watching him at the Comedy Cellar and other places that he was so classy and so intelligent that like it would take you a minute to get the reference because he was so, he wasn't going for the easy joke. | ||
| He would never go for the easy joke. | ||
| And he really did take it to a whole new level. | ||
| So he was really influential, especially on that kind of stuff. | ||
| And he also is a really, really master of timing. | ||
| He really is good at crafting a joke and then telling it the right way. | ||
| You ever heard Jay Moore's impression of him? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's uncanny. | ||
| It's uncanny. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's uncanny. | ||
| It's one of the best impressions I've ever heard. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Jay's a buddy of mine. | ||
| His impressions are incredible. | ||
| That one, at least. | ||
| The Colin Quinn one's amazing. | ||
| Not that other ones aren't, but I know of the Colin Quinn one. | ||
| It's pretty amazing. | ||
| It sounds like Colin. | ||
| I mean, it's like exact... | ||
| When Colin comes in, you should ask him the same thing about accents, because he has all the good accents. | ||
| You know, there was a lot of guys that were doing you for a while. | ||
| There was a lot of guys that I would see guys doing a tell. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Was that flattering, or did that bother you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| People would always tell me they were doing me, and then I'd be like, you know, there's really nothing you can do about it. | ||
| It did help me move forward in comedy of like, well, I better... | ||
| I better do, I better get better, you know, like if somebody's doing me. | ||
| But I don't think there's anything like, I don't know, I was never like, hey dog, you're doing my, you know, get your hands out of my pocket. | ||
| You're stealing my essence. | ||
| Get your hands out of my pocket. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The essence. | |
| Dingo says that to people, that they're stealing his essence. | ||
| You know, it's like you have no respect for somebody who's doing a, you know, like, they always say it's flattery. | ||
| It's like, I think it's laziness. | ||
| I mean, like, do your own thing, you know? | ||
| It's contagious. | ||
| But, you know, the thing about it is, like, when you first start out, you will, like, mimic the guy that you love the most. | ||
| But you're supposed to move past that, you know? | ||
| And that's the whole thing. | ||
| Like, you have your own unique thing you do. | ||
| I'm trying to do my own unique thing. | ||
| And that eventually, like, when you get strong enough, then you got to kind of, like, say, like, well, that's too much like this guy, and that's not like me, and I should do this. | ||
| But, you know, it did make me go, like, you know, I have a lot of bad habits that I really need to drop that people are just mimicking. | ||
| No, they were not bad habits. | ||
| No, no, I do know, like, a lot of the turns that I did, like other guys would do, you know, like my turns. | ||
| I always think that they're my turn, but they're probably everybody's turn. | ||
| And you know what I'm talking about, going from bit to bit to bit. | ||
| It was a style of delivery. | ||
| Yeah, that. | ||
| That thing you do. | ||
| Doug Stanhope does that to me all the time. | ||
| I don't do that anymore. | ||
| But you know why I would do that? | ||
| Because when I first started out doing comedy, timing is so important. | ||
| So I was hanging out, and now you've got to, here comes the joke part, you know? | ||
| And that was the thing. | ||
| And behind all that energy was also a really horrible crowd, like talking and yelling. | ||
| So that's why it's also like, bang, bang, bang, like that. | ||
| Well, that was the great thing about doing clubs. | ||
| It was my special. | ||
| Yeah, I loved it. | ||
| Is that the Stress Factory? | ||
| Yeah, it's the Stress Factory in New Jersey. | ||
| What a great, that's a great show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a phone-in? | |
| Yeah, he does phone calls from the stage, does like these prank phone calls. | ||
| If I was a rich guy, I would have one of those in my house, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A phone? | |
| But candy would come out if you make a call. | ||
| You're calling people right there. | ||
| Who are you calling, Dave? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm calling somebody for a joke. | ||
| Yeah, there was a lot of guys that were coming up a few years back that were imitating you. | ||
| It was kind of annoying because I would hear it all the time at clubs. | ||
| I was like, oh my god, this guy's doing a tell. | ||
| They would be doing their own material, but they'd be doing it like you. | ||
| And you're like, oh, come on, man. | ||
| It's very... | ||
| You developed that in the trenches, and you figured out a way to get the point across and have a compelling rhythm that's fun to watch, captivates people, gets them locked in, and someone just came along and ganked that shit. | ||
| But I don't think I really do that that much anymore, because I always felt like that was hacked, that I was doing that kind of rhythm. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| No, it's cool that you guys said that, but I have walked into a room, and I'll see a guy doing it, and I'll be like, oh, I guess he's a fan. | ||
| There really is no... | ||
| I always feel like I need to get better and that these other people, they're on their own journey. | ||
| I guess that's the coolest Zen way to look at all of this stuff. | ||
| They're on their journey. | ||
| I'm on my own experience through comedy and hopefully I'll get better and I'll look back on that and laugh. | ||
| And I kind of do now, which is like, Everybody kind of sounds a little bit the same, and then you'll see that one guy that stands out and you're like, wow, we all need to step up our game. | ||
| Yeah, I think what you're doing, that sort of way of thinking, is the most empowering way. | ||
| Yeah, oh yeah, you take control of it. | ||
| You see it for what it is, and you move forward and use it as inspiration. | ||
| Instead of like, there's certain guys that someone will sound like them, and they're like, we were talking about Dane freaking out at, he did it at Steve Byrne, and then he did it for Chris D'Elia, told him that they're stealing his essence. | ||
| He said that to Chris too? | ||
| Pulls him aside, you're stealing my essence. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Did he really do that? | ||
| I've heard guys do me. | ||
| I've taken guys on the road and they start to mimic like me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hear Stanhope. | |
| You hear people doing Stanhope. | ||
| Stanhope all the time. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| He's got a very distinctive style of delivery, too. | ||
| The Hedberg one always bothered me the most when I would hear a guy like Mitch Hedberg. | ||
| I have a little respect. | ||
| Especially after he's dead. | ||
| And then they'll always go like, yeah, but I was doing this before. | ||
| I was like, I doubt it. | ||
| I doubt you were doing this before, Mitch Hedberg. | ||
| You know, they'll always like try and cover with like, no, as a baby, I sounded like that. | ||
| I'm like, no, you didn't. | ||
| Yeah, I was cool and slow. | ||
| It's like, dude, like now, you know, like now, like, you know, wake up and do your own thing. | ||
| But they always like, no, man, you know, like they'll like... | ||
| No, you don't understand what I'm doing. | ||
| It's nothing like that. | ||
| And it's like, it's exactly like it, dude. | ||
| Well, to guys who are out there who are comics, I know it's very difficult to let a bit go, especially if that bit works. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Sometimes you'll come up with a bit on your own. | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| And it works, but then you find out another guy's doing it. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You got to drop that. | ||
| And you got to be able to look at yourself honestly. | ||
| And if you sound too much like Mitch Hedberg, you got to fucking change that up. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| People are going to know, and then they're going to always look at you as, that's that guy that used to sound like Mitch Hedberg. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like, if they dig in their heels and their dicks about it. | ||
| And then there's the guys who, like, fake tribute comics by doing their material. | ||
| Like Patrice. | ||
| They were doing that with Patrice. | ||
| Oh, I didn't know. | ||
| I thought it was a tribute. | ||
| Do they say this is a Patrice joke on stage? | ||
| Well, yeah, like, after they caught him on it. | ||
| But it was just like, you know, dudes... | ||
| Oh, you're talking about the guy on YouTube. | ||
| Yeah, that guy. | ||
| Oh, that guy's a piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah, and I was like, you know what? | ||
| It's one thing to be a fan, and it's another thing to pay a tribute, but to do what you're doing without... | ||
| Luckily, the true comedy fans were on him, and that was really cool that they did that. | ||
| That really made me feel good. | ||
| Well, his response was ridiculous. | ||
| It was so verbose and overbearing and offensive and didn't own it at all and was trying to pretend that the whole thing was... | ||
| Completely innocent and in tribute and all aggressive while he's doing it. | ||
| Like, just, you non-artist. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Because I'm not that good at comic, but I'll tell you one thing about Patrice. | ||
| Will you shut the fuck up about that, goddammit? | ||
| Please. | ||
| Top five. | ||
| I got a problem with you, man. | ||
| No, but I'll just tell you this, Joe. | ||
| Patrice, if he had lived another five years, people would have actually gotten what he was doing. | ||
| I really do think. | ||
| Like, he's the guy who was about to pop. | ||
| Oh, you know, I just think he was great. | ||
| He got in his own way, but he still was, like, that good. | ||
| He was hilarious. | ||
| He had this great fucking joke about when you... | ||
| If you're going to be my girlfriend, you're applying for a job. | ||
| And this is the position that's available. | ||
| The position... | ||
| Well, let's see what I got here. | ||
| I got... | ||
| I'm open at 2 a.m. | ||
| for an hour. | ||
| You suck my dick and I steal your last Snapple. | ||
| Are you interested? | ||
| Well, bitch, that was the position that was available. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Oh my god, I love that bit. | ||
| It's such a funny bit. | ||
| Because you could almost see Patrice actually saying that to a chick. | ||
| He would not back down. | ||
| And every comic you see now, you're like, what happened to that? | ||
| Everybody now is so like, you know, hey man, it's very non-threatening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| after he died. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he got, not on stage rather, on television defending jokes. | ||
| Like, there was this woman who was talking about how horrible a joke was and he was like, because you ain't coming from it from the language of funny. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Like, you don't understand funny. | ||
| Like, it all comes from the same place. | ||
| He was trying to be funny. | ||
| Yeah, it didn't work out, but it all comes from the same place. | ||
| The ones that are good and that joke all comes from the same place. | ||
| And, like, she couldn't understand it. | ||
| And then, you know, she's like, you know, and then he did a joke about kicking a girl, like, a pirate-style kicker in her shin and coming her in her eye. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's hopping around on one leg going, argh! | |
| And the lady didn't want to laugh, but he said it on TV, kicking her in the shin and ejaculating her eye. | ||
| And we're like, oh my god. | ||
| It was the perfect example of something that's ridiculous and hilarious. | ||
| And it's violence against women. | ||
| That's a violence joke. | ||
| You know, that's a joke about kicking a woman and coming in her eye, and it's still funny. | ||
| The Angry Pirate. | ||
| Oh, he's so funny, man. | ||
| He was so funny. | ||
| So yeah, I do think that he was probably one more special away from people going like, man, this is crazy. | ||
| Because Elephant in the Room is a classic. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's a lot of guys that, unfortunately, they slipped away without people knowing about them. | ||
| Like, Hicks became much more famous after he died than he was when he was alive. | ||
| That used to bother me. | ||
| Now it doesn't bother me at all because I was like, at least people, you know, and his stuff, his stuff, like, there's so much raw stuff and then there's the actual, like, great, great specials, you know? | ||
| So, you know, like, people, like, have been, like, you know, they'll talk about the raw stuff and I'm like, that's cool that you even like that, you know? | ||
| I guess if you're a super fan, you'll like everything. | ||
| Who was the first guy that you ever saw that made you go, I want to be a comic? | ||
| I want to be a comic? | ||
| I think it was listening, you know, the one, you know, I can't think of like the I want to be a comic, but the one guy that I did see that did make me think like, oh my God, that's what a real comic is, would be Bill Hicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because I did see him and I had already been doing it for a little bit where I was like, you know, I'm doing the open mics, I'm trying to get the jokes together, but then when I saw him do it, because I already was like, Like one of those fans where you're like, you know, you don't even want to make eye contact with the guy because you're like, don't want to get in his space, you respect him that much. | ||
| And I was like, you know, when I saw him live, I was like, wow, that is just it, man. | ||
| He was just throwing away jokes that like you would blow a dude for. | ||
| I mean, they were like, just like, he goes, all right, let me just air some stuff out here. | ||
| His crowd, the way he like handled the crowd also made me like, it was cool. | ||
| And you probably saw him when he was sober, right? | ||
| Yeah, I never in the Texas days now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The sober days were when he was really putting in a lot of work. | ||
| And he went from a guy who was this wild, drug-taking, maniacal dude to a dude who's really focused on leaving behind a body of work. | ||
| He would talk about that. | ||
| It's almost like he knew his time was coming out. | ||
| So he was constantly writing and He was ahead of the curve with a lot of ideas. | ||
| There's a lot of ideas that he talked about during the Bush administration. | ||
| Bush Sr. During that administration, that's totally relevant today. | ||
| Right. | ||
| As far as jokes about the military and jokes about war and... | ||
| That was cool that he did that, but as a comic, that was not my favorite. | ||
| My favorite part was when he was, like, in the shit, handling the crowd, and then the jokes, his jokes, like the Letterman jokes, that, like, you know, like, his first couple of appearances, Letterman jokes, you're like, these jokes are just great. | ||
| You know, like, you're like, this is what it's about. | ||
| These jokes are great. | ||
| And then, you know, you'd listen to... | ||
| I remember, like, somebody... | ||
| Basically, we had a tape of his. | ||
| I don't even remember what it was, and I was like, wow, dude. | ||
| That is just like his smoking jokes. | ||
| His smoking jokes still blow away everyone else's smoking jokes. | ||
| Well, those got ripped off, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those jokes got ripped off. | ||
| And the whole, like, you know, I like to play tricks, you know, the whole thing. | ||
| And the guy hits the pencil. | ||
| You know that joke, like the Practical Joker joke? | ||
| I don't remember that joke. | ||
| Oh, that's a great one with the, you know... | ||
| In high school, I was in the class clown. | ||
| The guy pulls out my seat. | ||
| I fall down and everybody laughs, so I figured I'd get him back. | ||
| So I whip a pencil. | ||
| It goes right in his eye. | ||
| He's got an eye patch now. | ||
| And then something else happened. | ||
| Then there's a guy where he pulls out the seat, breaks his back. | ||
| So the two of them are walking around, one with the eye patch. | ||
| He's wheeling the other guy. | ||
| He's like, there he goes, the funny guy. | ||
| I'm butchering the joke. | ||
| But that's what it is. | ||
| It's one of his takes on a classic... | ||
| Like, kind of like, you know, like, mundane topic. | ||
| And it was just like, seeing that, you're like, wow, this guy really thinks. | ||
| He really thinks. | ||
| One of my favorite bits was when Clarence Thomas was going in front of whatever committee to get on the Supreme Court, and they were investigating the whole, remember that whole thing? | ||
| Pupicare. | ||
| Pupicare and a Coke for Anita, what was her name? | ||
| Knee to Hell, right? | ||
| Knee to Hell? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he had a whole bit about, just made him realize that he would never run for office, you know, because all the shit they have on, Mr. Hicks, you know, remember that bit? | ||
| Yeah, I do know, yeah. | ||
| Did you own Clam Lapis Volumes 1 through 90? | ||
| He's like, 1 through 90? | ||
| I don't recall. | ||
| You have to listen to the bit. | ||
| I'm not doing it. | ||
| He went into this whole thing about loving pornography. | ||
| It was like a misdirect, and then you don't realize while the misdirect is going on that he is still in front of the committee. | ||
| Well, thank you for your opinion, Mr. Hicks. | ||
| I'm not doing the bit justice. | ||
| You've got to listen to it. | ||
| I don't know the exact verbiage of it, but it was fucking awesome. | ||
| And his special, which is the one where he comes out and he's wearing the hat? | ||
| Relentless, I think? | ||
| Or in England? | ||
| I thought it was whatever, Bay. | ||
| Arizona Bay? | ||
| No, Arizona Bay was the CD. Okay, no, I'm sorry. | ||
| You remember when the thing goes up and he comes out wearing the hat? | ||
| Yeah, there's fire and shit. | ||
| What is that called? | ||
| He's in England. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Let's look it up. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| But that was a good one. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, you know, this fits him. | ||
| This really does fit him, you know? | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| I'm talking about theater versus club, because I also consider him a rock-hard club act. | ||
| Well, that was when he went to England. | ||
| He became way more famous in England than he ever was in America. | ||
| Yeah, they discovered him, because people here could give a shit. | ||
| Yeah, I know, right? | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Well, then, you know, the whole Leary thing. | ||
| But also, Letterman also, like, his first couple appearances on Letterman, like, you know, I was in college or something like that, I was like, wow, this is really, this guy's amazing, you know? | ||
| Yeah, and Dennis Leary's in his Wikipedia page. | ||
| Oof, that's when you know you fucked up. | ||
| You wind up in the Hicks Wikipedia page, and not flatteringly, I remember that controversy. | ||
| Revelations. | ||
| Yeah, it was Revelations. | ||
| I saw it live. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Leary was my favorite comedian for like six months. | ||
| I thought Leary was awesome. | ||
| Then I saw Hicks and I was like, what the fuck is going on here? | ||
| Why am I seeing the same jokes? | ||
| And then I got all the information from everybody else and I was like, wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That was hard to watch. | ||
| That's bad. | ||
| Well, especially when I was telling everybody how great Leary was, you know? | ||
| Leary would murder, dude. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Back in those days in Boston, he would murder. | ||
| In the Boston days. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, in the Boston days. | ||
| It was, you know... | ||
| It was just a sad thing to see. | ||
| It's sad when you think a guy is just this genius thinker, and then you find out he's a parrot. | ||
| You know, he's just taking somebody else's things... | ||
| It was that? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it was brutal. | ||
| I mean, he's on his Wikipedia page for a fucking reason, man. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's not... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| No cure for cancer? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't even really want to talk about it because I've talked about him so many times and he got angry that I did before, but hey man, it is what it is. | ||
| He doesn't want to address it, but it's a part of comedy history. | ||
| It just is. | ||
| There's no getting around it. | ||
| Especially with a guy like Hanks. | ||
| He was just such an innovator, man. | ||
| He was such a unique style. | ||
| He was a guy who changed comedy in a lot of ways because he opened up a whole new door for people. | ||
| Kinnison did too. | ||
| Kinnison opened up a whole new door of comedy. | ||
| Yeah, Kinnison now is the guy that I wish... | ||
| I think we talked about this the last time I was like, that's the one guy I wish I saw live. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Of all the people, I never saw him. | ||
| I really wish I had seen that, just that power. | ||
| Like, I would be the guy like, let's call your chair! | ||
| And I mean, like, I wouldn't be, you know, like, but I would want to see the whole, the whole, like, deal. | ||
| Like, the whole, like, rough comedy store show would be the best. | ||
| Like, before he was famous or something. | ||
| Yeah, that would be the time to see him. | ||
| Yeah, probably right before he's famous. | ||
| I got to see him after he's famous. | ||
| It just wasn't the same. | ||
| Wasn't that good? | ||
| Was it a stadium show? | ||
| Well, he had to write a whole new act, you know, like really quickly after his HBO special. | ||
| He was on the road, but he couldn't do the same jokes. | ||
| Everybody knew them, so he had to come up with a whole new act. | ||
| And just, it was too much partying and coke and... | ||
| But like I've said a million times. | ||
| Were the chicks coming out? | ||
| Was it the twins? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he would call people at the end. | ||
| Yeah, that was his guy. | ||
| He'd call a guy's girlfriend. | ||
| You fucking whore! | ||
| You know? | ||
| He'd have a phone on stage. | ||
| He was the first comic I ever saw to talk about like, you know, I'm partying people. | ||
| I'm doing this. | ||
| I'm doing that. | ||
| But I'm doing it for the material. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm doing it for you people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right? | |
| Remember that one? | ||
| I'm balls deep. | ||
| But I was like, that's the first time I ever heard a comic actually on stage talking about writing material. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because none of them ever would talk about that. | ||
| And then finally he was the guy who would say it. | ||
| Even though it was part of his drug joke, it was still funny to hear, like, wow, he writes material too! | ||
| David Tell, we're out of time. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| We're going to turn into a pumpkin. | ||
| We've been here for three hours. | ||
| Dude, thank you so much for having me, Joe. | ||
| Please, you're the best. | ||
| And your show, Comedy Underground, is that what it's called? | ||
| Comedy Underground, Saturday, 1am. | ||
| Saturday, 1am, Comedy Central, Uncensored. | ||
| Just totally raw, right? | ||
| Unfiltered, uncensored. | ||
| They let you do whatever you want after midnight on Comedy Central, which is fucking amazing. | ||
| Comedy Central is the new HBO comedy hour, really, in a lot of ways. | ||
| Let's hope. | ||
| Yeah, and dude, best of luck with it. | ||
| We'll help tweet it. | ||
| We'll pump it up. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And Operation Purple, guys, remember that, and also my special. | ||
| Dave Attell, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Follow him online, Attell, on Twitter. | ||
| A-T-T-E-L-L? Yeah. | ||
| Two Ts. | ||
| And improv this weekend with Ali. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ, son! | ||
| Ali Wong and some of the comedy on the ground. | ||
| Shave time, shave money, folks. | ||
| Dollarshaveclub.com forward slash Rogan. | ||
| Thank you to them. | ||
| Thanks also to Onnit.com. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN. Save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| We'll see you dirty bitches at the Lobero Theater. | ||
| Me with Mad Flavor, a.k.a. | ||
| Planet Rock, a.k.a. | ||
| Joey Diaz. | ||
| Joey Diaz? | ||
| Joey? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| That's going to be fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's Santa Barbara. | ||
| That's the show. | ||
| I might escape to Santa Barbara someday. | ||
| I can't take Los Angeles anymore. | ||
| That's the move. | ||
| It's coming out of the way. | ||
| All right, you fucks. | ||
| We'll be back tomorrow. | ||
| Brian and I are going to go shoot some shit. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| We're going to go shoot some hard drives. | ||
| And then Thursday, we're back with Greg Fitzsimmons. | ||
| And after Greg Fitzsimmons, we're doing Brian Callen and Brendan Schaub. | ||
| We're going to do a UFC wrap-up. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Much love to everybody. | ||
| Thanks for all the positive energy. | ||
| Thanks to everybody who came out in Baltimore. | ||
| We had a great fucking time. | ||
| It was an amazing show and awesome audience. | ||
| All right. | ||
| You guys are shit. | ||
| We love you. | ||
| Big kiss. |
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