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April 15, 2014 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:59:18
Joe Rogan Experience #486 - Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen
Participants
Main voices
b
brendan schaub
52:08
b
bryan callen
23:11
j
joe rogan
01:38:56
Appearances
Clips
d
donald cerrone
00:01
j
josh olin
00:01
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Speaker Time Text
bryan callen
The tuna.
He keeps getting bigger.
His hips are this wide.
unidentified
I hate to tell you, your nephew's skinny fat.
joe rogan
You guys are live right now.
Don't say anything fucked up.
brendan schaub
We're talking about Brian's cousin.
Great story for you.
joe rogan
Don't say anything fucked up by your cousin.
He's just a kid.
Jesus Christ.
brendan schaub
No, I will though.
unidentified
I will.
joe rogan
This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by NatureBox.
Brian, have you ever had delicious and nutritious NatureBox?
bryan callen
Not only that, they sponsor the 10-Minute Podcast.
No fucking way, dude.
It's actually pretty good.
joe rogan
It's great.
What I like about NatureBox is that you can order specific stuff.
I have them send me all gluten-free stuff.
So I got these sriracha cashews.
Oh, they're devastating.
bryan callen
Yes, they are.
joe rogan
And then there's almonds, these blueberry almonds.
Holy shit.
And they're fucking guilt-free.
There's a lot of stuff that you can get that...
You know, it's more like pretzel-y stuff that probably isn't the best for you, but what they always have is no hydrogenated oils, no artificial colors, no artificial flavors, no artificial preservatives.
bryan callen
No trans fats.
joe rogan
Yeah, no trans fats.
Nature box.
Really healthy stuff as far as snacks go.
And depending on how you choose, you can get it very healthy.
Big Island Pineapple is another great one that I love.
They're dried pineapples.
That's it.
It's just slices of delicious dried pineapple.
Basically guilt-free.
bryan callen
It's delicious.
joe rogan
Awesome stuff.
They also, they'll ship anywhere, free shipping anywhere in the United States.
NatureBox is just a great alternative to like, if you're working in an office, you don't want to be forced to deal with the vending machine food.
bryan callen
It's not that expensive either.
I think you can get like, you can get 20 bags for 40 bucks or something.
joe rogan
Well, whatever it is, you can get 50% off your first box by going to naturebox.com forward slash Rogan.
That's naturebox.com forward slash Rogan.
They also have these chocolate almond things that are just fucking deadly.
bryan callen
I want some of those now.
joe rogan
I ate them all.
I ate everything.
I have a new package that just came.
bryan callen
I'm about to break into the pistachios.
joe rogan
Eat those.
Those are natureboxes.
bryan callen
Yeah, they are.
joe rogan
Anyway, naturebox.com slash rogan.
Go there and save 50% off your first box.
We're also brought to you by LegalZoom.
LegalZoom is a way of handling all sorts of things online that you would normally have to go to a law office, meet with a lawyer, and...
Pay a fuckload of money, most likely.
Instead, you could do it at home, drunk and naked.
You could be having sex and you could do it with a laptop.
You could be giving head if you're so inclined.
You could give head and then come up for air every now and then and fill out some forms.
bryan callen
I heard about LegalZoom after they sponsored my podcast, but way too late because I set up an LLC. It cost me $1,300 where you could have done it for like...
joe rogan
A hundred bucks.
bryan callen
Yeah, a hundred bucks.
joe rogan
You can do it for ninety-nine bucks.
You can incorporate or set up an LLC for ninety-nine bucks.
Someone told me you could do that free online or that there's like a bunch of steps that you have to go through.
Well, LegalZene makes it way more convenient.
It's just a hundred bucks, you fucking weirdos.
I get it.
I get it.
It's a lot of money.
But it's way better than going to a law office.
Also, by the way, I don't think it's true.
I don't think you can do it for free.
I think you have to do a bunch of different things.
The way LegalZoom has it set up, it's way easier.
bryan callen
It cost me a fortune.
joe rogan
First of all, they got an A-plus from the Better Business Bureau.
I love shit like that.
So you don't have to worry about it.
Plus, I know a bunch of dudes.
Aubrey formed Onnit, the first LLC for Onnit.
That was all done through LegalZoom.
Brian, when he incorporated Death Squad, that was done through LegalZoom.
9 out of 10 customers would recommend LegalZoom after they used it.
But you know what that means?
That means it's awesome because we all know 1 out of 10 people are just whiny cunts that just complain about everything.
So if you get 9 out of 10, that's beautiful.
If you really can make 90%...
bryan callen
Everybody on the internet loves to find anything that's wrong with anything.
unidentified
Oh, God.
joe rogan
If the aliens come and read our YouTube comments, they're going to get right back in their fucking spaceship and fly away.
They're like, this is just a...
Cauldron of cunts.
bryan callen
This place sucks.
joe rogan
This is a cauldron of cunts.
Anyway, with LegalZoom, you can get a last will for $69.
And also, they can provide you with a third-party attorney if you panic.
That's a big one.
So if you're in the middle of feeling all this stuff, it's like, oh, I can't fucking do it.
They can hook you up with an independent attorney.
So someone can, you know, figure it out for you.
unidentified
Wow, that is really cool.
joe rogan
Yeah, LegalZoom is not a law firm, but they can connect you with a third-party attorney and provide you with self-help services.
Anyway, go there.
Use the code word ROGAN in the referral box at checkout and save yourself some cash, son.
Get it all together, bitch.
bryan callen
A last will for $69.
That's so depressing.
joe rogan
It's all depressing.
Death is depressing, but yet inevitable.
And so the stunt, the sun itself, has a billion years left, and then we're fucked.
bryan callen
There you go.
joe rogan
Anyway, whatever, whatever.
Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. Have you used any of the Onnit shit?
Have we sent you anything?
bryan callen
Dude, I don't have any primal bells.
Where am I getting my primal bells?
joe rogan
Give me an address.
I'll have it all sent to you.
brendan schaub
Come in, man.
joe rogan
Yeah, please, give me an address.
We have this new thing, Warrior Bars.
They're by the same people that made the Tonka Bar, which is a Native American recipe of, without any preservatives whatsoever, mixing cranberries and buffalo meat.
Each one of them has 14 grams of protein.
It's no nitrates, no artificial flavors, no antibiotics, no nonsense.
bryan callen
I'll be honest, I ate it.
joe rogan
Four grams of fat.
bryan callen
I ate it and it was so good.
unidentified
It's fucking delicious.
brendan schaub
I gotta be honest, I feel like I'm in the Truman Show right now.
joe rogan
Why's that?
brendan schaub
Have you ever seen that with Jim Carrey?
unidentified
Yeah.
brendan schaub
With the product placement?
joe rogan
But this isn't Product Place.
brendan schaub
No, I'm with you, man.
You guys love this stuff.
joe rogan
It's fucking delicious.
brendan schaub
I've never had it.
joe rogan
What happened in the Truman Show with Product Place?
brendan schaub
The Truman Show where the whole world's watching Jim Carrey?
unidentified
Oh, right.
brendan schaub
You know what I'm talking about?
joe rogan
The cameras?
Yeah, that's the one where he didn't know.
brendan schaub
And she's like, try the Nestle quick.
It's delicious and refreshing.
And he's like, all right.
I'm headed to the store.
joe rogan
Well, that was like he didn't know, right?
brendan schaub
Yeah, he had no idea of that show.
He was the show, yeah.
Since a baby.
unidentified
I didn't see that.
joe rogan
It's a mindfuck, man.
It's a mindfuck.
You remember that Matthew McConaughey show?
It was a movie where they followed him around with a camera and he became really famous and became this huge disaster.
bryan callen
It was called...
What the hell was it called?
joe rogan
What was it called?
Ed TV. Ed TV. Ed TV. I mean, that's standard operational procedure on reality shows now.
Those are real.
brendan schaub
And I watch every one of them.
joe rogan
This was before any of that shit.
bryan callen
Tell them your favorite show.
brendan schaub
I mean, I don't even know where to begin.
I love Naked and Afraid.
joe rogan
I love Naked and Afraid.
Let me just get through this Onnit thing real quick.
Sorry.
Sorry, I'll send you some shit, man.
I'll send you some shit.
I'll send you some Primal Bell.
brendan schaub
Do you want to hook up with the Bulletproof coffee?
Because I make it myself.
joe rogan
You can make it yourself.
brendan schaub
No, that's what I've been doing.
joe rogan
Yeah.
What do you mean, like, hook up with what?
With the kind of coffee?
brendan schaub
Yes.
joe rogan
See, we found out.
This is, uh, we actually ran some cast on it.
brendan schaub
You're talking about the fungus?
And it came out some bullshit?
joe rogan
Yeah, well, this is the deal.
Alright, I don't know...
I don't want to speculate anybody's intentions.
So what I'll just tell you is the absolute facts.
There have been cases where mycotoxins became an issue with coffee.
Those cases, most of them have been resolved by going through these mycotoxin issues and then rigorous testing.
And then figuring out ways to not...
Provide an environment where mycotoxins can flourish.
brendan schaub
And Homeboy heard that and took it and ran with it.
joe rogan
Exactly.
unidentified
Good for you.
joe rogan
Here's the issue.
He brought me in, unfortunately.
He brought me in, unfortunately, because he was saying it on my podcast and I repeated it without any research.
It used to be an issue, and it can be an issue still if someone is not preparing coffee correctly.
But it's like when you buy really good coffee, like there's a company called Rusty's Hawaiian, delicious, delicious coffee.
Their bags are raided by like coffee connoisseurs where professional coffee graters, they will taste the coffee and check out various beans and Different roasts, and then they grade it.
But they also test it for mycotoxins.
Like if you have fungus in your fucking coffee, you get a really low score.
brendan schaub
That's frowned upon.
I don't want fungus on my roast.
joe rogan
They figured out a long time ago, first of all, this is where it gets really weird, that coffee was originally established in Ethiopia, which is a dry climate.
And all these mycotoxin issues happened when they started moving them out of Ethiopia.
Put them in other places where there's moisture.
Exactly.
Growing them in different places.
bryan callen
It's like California wines have very few mycotoxins, especially okra toxin A, which is the big one, because it's so dry.
So they actually have very, very little of that, very little issues with that at all.
joe rogan
Yeah, isn't that interesting?
And corn as well.
Corn, you know, there's a bunch of different mycotoxins.
That's the point.
If you buy really good coffee, which is mostly what you buy, most likely you're not going to have any issues whatsoever.
If you do have issues, according to Dr. Rhonda Patrick, she was saying that even above-threshold doses of these mycotoxins might even provide a beneficial reaction by your body.
That your body reacting to these mycotoxins that aren't necessarily really bad for you in small doses, that your body might actually energize its immune system in response.
So it might have some sort of a corresponding positive effect.
This is obviously layman's terms.
I'm a retard.
I don't really even know what I just said.
But according to her, these things make sense.
So, what I'm saying is, you can make that style of coffee.
Like, coffee with grass-fed butter and MCT oil.
You can make that with almost any good coffee.
brendan schaub
And you're blending it?
Yes.
joe rogan
The stuff that you're drinking right here is that.
brendan schaub
Delicious.
I don't ever blend mine.
I just black coffee, scoop of butter.
joe rogan
That's cool, too.
brendan schaub
MCT and stir it.
joe rogan
That's fine, too.
It's a little more chunky.
brendan schaub
It's a little stevia.
joe rogan
Yeah.
brendan schaub
I'm used to the packets, though.
This bottle, I put a little too much in.
joe rogan
Yeah.
brendan schaub
Pure Kool-Aid.
Pure Kool-Aid.
joe rogan
You'll jack you.
You only want, like, a mist of the stevia.
unidentified
What is stevia?
joe rogan
Yeah.
It's a plant extract.
Zero sugar.
You don't have to worry about it.
No grams of sugar.
bryan callen
Doesn't change your blood sugar levels?
unidentified
No.
joe rogan
Not at all.
I mean, it's probably like all things.
Not great if you ate it all day.
Even plants.
brendan schaub
I eat it all day.
joe rogan
I feel great.
bryan callen
Plants are toxic.
Plants create a lot of their own diet.
joe rogan
That's one of the ways they keep people from eating them.
Discourage predation.
bryan callen
When people are juicing lots and lots of leafy greens.
brendan schaub
I also do that.
joe rogan
Forget about the rest of the commercial.
Let's just keep going.
We don't have to play music.
Fuck it.
I like throwing one out like that.
bryan callen
Why not?
joe rogan
It's over.
On it.com.
Use the code word, Rogan.
Save some money.
So this is the point.
These toxins may or may not be an issue in some coffee today.
They were at one point in time.
But the coffee experts aren't worrying about that.
When you talk to coffee experts, they're all worried about taste and flavor and where they're growing.
And they're also worried about the fact that the climate in Ethiopia apparently is deteriorating because of global warming.
And they think within the next 50 years, like a good percentage of these species that only exist in Ethiopia will be extinct.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Because all of the coffee in the world comes from Ethiopia originally.
brendan schaub
My brother told me about this and was like, hey, you realize in 50 years coffee is going to be no longer?
joe rogan
Yeah.
brendan schaub
I freaked out.
I freaked out.
I started storing coffee.
joe rogan
It'll be in Latin America.
brendan schaub
Yeah.
Costa Rica, right?
joe rogan
Yeah.
bryan callen
It doesn't also matter like...
When you roast the bean versus when you drink it.
joe rogan
That's another issue that people had with this upgraded coffee.
Although it's very successful.
It sells very well for whatever reasons.
So it's hard to keep on the shelf.
So it's constantly moving.
So you're getting fresh coffee when you're buying it.
Caveman Coffee roasts it when you order it.
That's Keith Jardine, right?
Yeah, that's Keith Jardine and Tate Fletcher.
And really good coffee.
And tested mycotoxin free.
100%.
They tested it.
They went through.
They're getting everything single source from a grower.
They know the guy.
The guy's family lives in South America.
And he lives in Albuquerque.
So they travel back and forth to the farm.
They know exactly where it comes from.
It's like as legit single source as you can get.
brendan schaub
Keith Jardine's a badass.
He's a great.
unidentified
Sweet.
Sweetie.
joe rogan
He's just a great guy.
And he was a hell of a fighter.
And he still wants to go at it again.
One more time, right?
One more time for Albuquerque.
bryan callen
You trained with him for a long time, right?
brendan schaub
Long time, yeah.
Really good friend.
joe rogan
He's an awesome guy.
Just couldn't be a cooler guy.
And he's doing really well with this.
This caveman coffee company.
He's just...
They, you know, him and Tate are big coffee banana heads.
Tate never goes anywhere without a fucking container of coffee.
Really?
He carries a thermo.
unidentified
He loves his coffee.
joe rogan
Loves it.
Always has.
Ever since I've known him.
bryan callen
I had a guy on my podcast.
What the hell?
I can't remember.
Sorry.
He wrote a book called What White People Know and What White People Do.
He started as a blog.
And he said one thing about white people, they are into their coffee, man.
brendan schaub
Love it.
unidentified
Like crazy.
brendan schaub
I love it.
My coach, Tony Jeffries, was like, you're the only guy I know who drinks coffee in between rounds.
I'll get a big cup of coffee in between rounds.
joe rogan
You drink it in between rounds?
That's hilarious.
bryan callen
That's wild.
joe rogan
You know, Tito told me that coffee fucks with your cardio.
He said he doesn't take any caffeine.
He said he fucks with your cardio.
brendan schaub
I've heard different.
I've heard different.
Now, if you're right, Faber says that I'm going to listen.
joe rogan
No shit, right?
brendan schaub
If Tito Ortiz tells me that.
bryan callen
I was with Tito two days ago in a bar by accident in Lower East Side, and it was his cheat day, and he was drinking a Shirley Temple, like literally in this really girly glass.
So here's this giant dude drinking a very, very pink drink.
I was like, that's hilarious, man.
joe rogan
He had tremendous cardio.
He had good cardio.
brendan schaub
But listen, if Tank Abbott's strength coach tells me not to drink caffeine, I'm not going to listen.
You know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying, Doug?
There's certain people you need to listen to.
Y'all do what works for you, man.
joe rogan
His cardio is insane.
brendan schaub
Crazy.
joe rogan
Who was the fight where the guy got on his back within the first minute of the first round?
There was some crazy scramble.
brendan schaub
Not McDonald, right?
joe rogan
I want to say Abel Trujillo, but that's obviously not him because Abel Trujillo is the badass welterweight.
That name is stuck in my head.
Let's just look it up.
unidentified
Yeah.
brendan schaub
Yeah, the guy got right away, right?
And they're like, this is exactly where Uriah doesn't want to be.
It couldn't go anywhere.
unidentified
He's so tough.
brendan schaub
He's done it right, you know?
joe rogan
Did you see that Abel Trujillo-Jamie Varner fight?
brendan schaub
Yes.
joe rogan
That was fucking insane.
What a crazy slugfest, slobber knocker.
Oh my god.
I don't know why I thought, why Abel Trujillo's name was coming into my mind.
I gotta pull up this dude's name to find out why that was.
Oh, Yuri Alcantara.
So it was just another cool name.
bryan callen
Yeah, Brian Callan, isn't it really?
It's too much of a...
joe rogan
But the pace that Uriah put on that Yuri Alcantara guy...
brendan schaub
I wish I was a little guy.
If I was little, I mean, I feel like I should be a member of Team Alpha Male.
I love long distance running.
I love eating healthy.
I love dieting.
I want to be a small guy.
joe rogan
Well, you're very fit, too, for a heavyweight.
You have some pretty extreme endurance for a heavyweight.
Do you say that, like, what's going on today with a guy like Travis Brown or with guys like Jon Jones or yourself?
You're getting a lot of people that were athletes in other sports, that were high-level athletes and then transitioned over in the fighting.
So in the beginning, you're seeing they're learning.
They're really good athletes.
So they move quicker than most people.
They usually have a little bit more physical explosion and power than most people.
But then it takes them a while to get all the techniques down.
But now we're seeing a lot of those dudes.
OSP is another one.
brendan schaub
Yeah, I wouldn't say a lot.
I think we're seeing a number of them starting to transition.
But the thing is, I've gone with tons of NFL guys, NBA guys.
When someone's trying to hit you in the face, that's why it takes so long, I think, for these athletes to adapt to fighting.
Because getting hit in the face, it's just not either you were born where you're like, yeah, this is cool, I can live with this, I can learn to get out of the way and put my life on the line.
And then usually when guys are that good of athletes, they're like, forget this.
Forget this, man.
Forget this.
joe rogan
Isn't it interesting?
brendan schaub
I think you look at the UFC and guys are starting to come around, but people think it's going to be, you know, in 10 years we're going to have all these freak athletes.
You're not, man.
Because these freak athletes, it's very rare you get a freak athlete who's like, yeah, I want to go fight another killer in a steel cage.
joe rogan
That's a very interesting point.
It's a very interesting point when there's options too, right?
brendan schaub
Especially when you're that good of an athlete.
bryan callen
And you're making way more money.
joe rogan
Well, not necessarily.
brendan schaub
Not necessarily.
joe rogan
You know, it depends on what level you're fighting in the UFC. You know, I mean, if you're a guy...
brendan schaub
People say about this all the time, like, oh, you guys don't get paid yet.
I make a great living, man.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's not true.
bryan callen
Well, you got NFL players signing...
joe rogan
First of all...
brendan schaub
No, no, no.
Hold up.
You're talking about the exception.
I make more than a lot of...
bryan callen
Oh, do you?
brendan schaub
Yes.
joe rogan
Well, here's what you have to understand.
When you look at pay, there's a pay that's listed as far as the purse that you get after a fight.
brendan schaub
From the commission they list out, is what you're saying?
joe rogan
That doesn't take into account a lot of factors.
There's a lot of things that they want to remain private.
So you're not just getting paid that amount.
Some people are.
Some people are just getting paid that amount.
brendan schaub
Guys you don't know that probably should be getting paid that amount.
joe rogan
But when a guy's selling tickets...
You know, someone is a big-name fighter.
There's a lot of factors in there.
brendan schaub
But also, and then sponsorships and all that.
joe rogan
Well, incentives, pay-per-view, pieces of pay-per-view.
brendan schaub
For sure.
joe rogan
Like, George St. Pierre was making $5 million a fight.
bryan callen
That's pretty good.
joe rogan
Yeah.
He's making a lot of fucking money.
And, you know, he's got sponsors.
He's got Gatorade, all this other stuff, all this other revenue coming in.
I mean, George St. Pierre made a fuckload of money fighting.
So, maybe he didn't make as much as Floyd Mayweather, but guess what?
Floyd Mayweather...
Yeah, Floyd Mayweather is, one, a bigger star, two, a better promoter.
He's a fucking...
bryan callen
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what a guy...
joe rogan
Yeah, there's that.
Well, so is UFC now.
UFC's pretty worldwide now, but it doesn't...
There could be a spectacular fight in the UFC, a crazy epic fight that everybody wants to see that could do one and a half million, two million pay-per-view guys.
That's what Floyd Mayweather has done.
It is possible that that could happen.
When you think about before Floyd Mayweather...
It's hard to find a guy, since Oscar De La Hoya, maybe Manny Pacquiao, a guy who can do...
There's only a few of those guys.
Everybody wants to say, oh, in boxing they make so much more money.
brendan schaub
No, there's about five of them.
You're talking about the exception.
People always refer to the exception.
Mayweather, Pacquiao are the exception.
If you watch Pacquiao's fight, this last fight with Bradley, look at the undercard.
It was pure shit.
It was horrible.
Those guys are scrapping.
joe rogan
I thought it was a good fight.
You thought the undercard was?
brendan schaub
Or you thought Pacquiao Bradley was good?
joe rogan
Pacquiao Bradley was a good fight.
brendan schaub
That was a really good fight.
joe rogan
But there were some good fights in the undercard.
It wasn't bad.
I enjoyed it.
brendan schaub
Who was your favorite on the undercard?
joe rogan
I'd have to look at it.
brendan schaub
Exactly.
joe rogan
That's my point.
brendan schaub
That's my point.
That's the problem with boxing.
No one gives a flying hoot about the undercard.
No one gives a shit.
Because you don't know them.
These guys are super talented and they're not making any money.
joe rogan
Zero sponsors.
Okay, here it is.
At a certain point in time, there's only so many fucking room for so many fighters you can keep in your head.
brendan schaub
But boxing?
unidentified
Or anything in your head.
brendan schaub
But boxing?
I mean, at heavyweight especially.
Listen, Klitschko could probably deliver pizza next door and no one's going to ask for an autograph.
joe rogan
Isn't that weird?
brendan schaub
That's crazy, right?
He was so dominant.
That's your heavyweight champ.
No one gives a shit.
unidentified
That's so weird.
joe rogan
People were tweeting about the undercard.
They were tweeting being defensive about the quality of the undercard.
Maybe you're right.
I just tuned in and I may or may not have been high as fuck.
So I had a good time.
bryan callen
Why did boxing fall by the wayside?
joe rogan
It isn't really.
brendan schaub
It hasn't.
That's a misconception.
It hasn't fallen by the wayside.
joe rogan
It's just there's only a few guys that can sell big pay-per-view.
There's maybe four or five guys that can sell big pay-per-view.
brendan schaub
They don't tell anyone's story.
Look at the UFC. There's a countdown every damn Tuesday, Wednesday on...
Billy, you know, Billy's mom passed away and he decided to turn to fighting.
I mean, the UFC does the best job of marking its guys.
joe rogan
There was that one fight that was actually really good.
Vargas versus that Russian cat.
brendan schaub
Yeah, that was a good fight.
They were both undefeated.
joe rogan
That was a very good fight.
brendan schaub
Again, though, we're talking about that dude versus this Russian dude.
joe rogan
These Russian bad motherfuckers, man.
There's a lot of beast Russians that are making their way into MMA now, making their way into boxing now.
It's really fascinating.
How many bad-ass Russians there are?
bryan callen
Siberians just living in Siberia.
joe rogan
Fucking animals.
brendan schaub
Scary, really.
joe rogan
Well, it's also the epigenetics.
You know, they're saying that now, that people who have had family members, this was something that's passed down through sperm.
They believe traumatic events...
Your ancestry are passed down through sperm.
Wow!
Your DNA shifts or something?
Yeah, people who are the children's children and children of people who've survived traumatic disorders or traumatic incidents were more likely to develop all sorts of mental problems, were more likely to be like schizophrenic, like all these issues, mental issues that they could directly correlate with.
Possibly to the trauma that their ancestors have established.
brendan schaub
Now think about how screwed you are.
If you're little Kenny growing up in Malibu and you want to be a fighter, good luck competing with those guys over in Siberia.
I'm going to turn to them like, nah, you're fucked, man.
Just forget it.
They're just hungry.
bryan callen
They have different jaws.
They're just a different look in their eyes.
brendan schaub
You're playing grab ass with freaking Bruce Jenner.
Meanwhile, this guy's in Siberia freaking wrestling polar bears.
joe rogan
That is hilarious.
bryan callen
Who is that?
Golovkin?
Golovkin can just...
brendan schaub
Triple G? What?
He's the next big star.
joe rogan
He's an animal.
brendan schaub
He's the next big star.
joe rogan
He's a fucking animal.
He really is.
bryan callen
Those body shots.
brendan schaub
No one wants to fight him.
I'll tell you what, I'm excited for the Sergio Martinez and Miguel Cotto fight.
bryan callen
That's a guy from Argentina.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Miguel Cotto has been looking very good in his last few fights.
And Martinez is almost 40 at a certain point.
And with his style, very different style than Bernard Hopkins.
You know, Bernard Hopkins, 48 fucking years old.
unidentified
That's crazy.
joe rogan
Still out-boxing the shit out of young Sergio.
brendan schaub
Sergio's all about footwork.
At some point, when that footwork goes away, he's going to be in trouble.
joe rogan
And his left.
He's got a brutal, brutal left hand.
And he comes in with everything.
He's so good at his movement and his in-and-out movement, he uses that same in-and-out movement to land devastating balls.
brendan schaub
This is what we're talking about off-air.
So he's almost 40. He played soccer almost all his life and then got into boxing, I think, at 28, 29. What?
bryan callen
No.
brendan schaub
Yeah.
Multi-time world champ.
No matter when you start, whether you're Tito Ortiz or Vitor Belfort starting at 18, 19-year-old, or you're Sergio Martinez starting at 30, no matter when you start, your clock is ticking.
You have this amount of fights in you.
No matter when.
I mean, yeah, guys drag it on, you know, via Fedor or Krokop.
Guys are dragging on, but you're only going to be in your prime and you're going to have these many great fights in you.
It doesn't matter when you start.
bryan callen
Yeah, I was talking to Eve Edwards about that.
He's 37 now.
He was saying one of the frustrating things for fighters, I think, is that you learn the art.
You continue to learn.
There's so much to learn, but you continue to learn.
And then you get to be 37, 38, and you may be a step slower, but you know so much more.
So you just want to try it out.
But the game is also timing and speed and power.
brendan schaub
And guess what?
That's why TRT came about.
Because those 37, 38-year-olds are like, dang, I know so much, man.
But my body's not the same.
Let me talk to this doctor over here.
Now we have Epidemic.
joe rogan
Epidemic.
bryan callen
It's not an Epidemic.
It's an Epidemic.
joe rogan
It's an Epidemic.
No, you're right, though.
brendan schaub
But now we have Vitor Belfour in Brazil.
Spinning back, kicking people's faces off.
In Brazil, all TRT'd up.
joe rogan
Joe Silva said it best.
He goes, it's like Vitor downloaded a Taekwondo black belt.
All of a sudden, he's throwing wheel kicks.
brendan schaub
We've never seen it.
joe rogan
The guy never threw a wheel kick and then knocked out Luka Rockhold with I mean, Luke fucking Rockhold is a beast!
I mean, for him to do what he did...
brendan schaub
With ease.
With ease.
And then Bisbee?
unidentified
What?
joe rogan
I think you nailed it.
What you nailed is exactly what it is.
It's that these guys get older, and they get so much more experience and so much more knowledge, but that's the nature balance.
Nature gives you that experience and knowledge.
bryan callen
So you can teach.
joe rogan
It's like the two old...
brendan schaub
Experience is priceless.
joe rogan
It's like the two old buffalo.
Is it the old buffalo and the young?
bryan callen
The bull and the calf.
brendan schaub
I don't know this.
bryan callen
The bull and the calf.
The calf goes...
brendan schaub
Wait, is it buffaloes or bulls?
bryan callen
It's the young bull.
The young bull and the old bull.
It could be buffalo.
Let's go down there and fuck one of those cows.
joe rogan
No, no, no.
You fucked it up already.
Listen.
This is what he says.
Is this for real?
Listen.
He goes, let's run down there and fuck one of those cows.
And the old bull says, let's walk down there and fuck them all.
Fuck them all.
brendan schaub
Yeah, alright.
Alright.
This is the other thing, though.
When these...
I get it.
unidentified
I get it.
bryan callen
Take it in.
You're a young bull.
joe rogan
You corrected me and you were still going to fuck it up.
unidentified
Fuck.
brendan schaub
This is the thing, though.
Vitor Belfort and those guys, the sport wasn't as big when they were superstars, right?
joe rogan
Right.
brendan schaub
And now they're like, whoa, the sport's huge.
I can stick around and take this stuff and make all this money and be relevant.
You know what I'm saying?
joe rogan
There's Vitor.
Show that again, Jamie.
unidentified
It's on Look at this.
joe rogan
It's not just doing that.
It's doing that to Luke Rockhold.
bryan callen
Who's better looking than Brennan Schaub, maybe?
brendan schaub
Easy.
Now let me tell you something.
joe rogan
He's got muscles on his teeth.
He really does.
brendan schaub
Let me tell you this, though.
Luke Rockhold flew for 17 hours from San Jose, California, showed up on a Saturday night, got wheel kicked in the face, and jumped back on a plane.
bryan callen
That's gotta suck.
brendan schaub
It does suck.
I fought Nogueira in Brazil.
bryan callen
Can you tell Joe the Nogueira story about the other stuff you're allowed to?
brendan schaub
Which one?
joe rogan
What other stuff?
bryan callen
Money.
Jersey.
brendan schaub
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
Tell us.
joe rogan
Is there a secret?
brendan schaub
They're not really.
For sure, quit eating those nuts.
That's fucking my whole game.
joe rogan
Yeah, stop all that.
Before we tell any story, I want to go back to this TRT thing, because we can't just gloss over it like that.
brendan schaub
No, it's a huge...
It's a huge subject.
joe rogan
I think you nailed it, though, too, and you did, too, talking about Eve Edwards' feelings of all the knowledge he's acquired.
That does seem to be like nature's balancing act, right?
bryan callen
Yeah.
joe rogan
Nature doesn't want you to have all that knowledge and live forever.
brendan schaub
Well, it's like God saying, oh, you got it?
unidentified
Cool.
brendan schaub
Oh, your body sucks.
You can't do it anymore.
joe rogan
Well, it's sort of like the beauty of everything is that it's temporary.
What's our favorite thing?
Let's be realistic.
Sex, right?
Most people's favorite thing is sex.
When you're really horny and you're having sex with someone who you really like having sex with, it's one of the greatest things on earth.
One of the greatest things about it is you know it's not going to last.
Look, if you're a stud, if you're great, you'd be bored of it.
brendan schaub
Well, that's why guys do drugs and stuff.
See, this is the problem.
joe rogan
Yeah, but those people are freaks and their pupils are this big and they never open the fucking curtain.
brendan schaub
But it's the same concept with sex.
He's like, man, you know what would make this even better?
If we did molly on this.
The same difference is like, oh, I'm cool, I'm fighting, but you know what would be better?
If I did steroids.
joe rogan
But this is a good point, because the molly thing, if you do it on molly, when all that stuff wears off, which it will wear off eventually...
You're fucking wrecked!
bryan callen
Wrecked.
joe rogan
Because you're in debt.
You're like a kid with a student loan.
Like, you started out of the gate.
brendan schaub
You're like Snuffleupagus on Sesame Street, just super down.
joe rogan
Way more.
unidentified
Really down.
joe rogan
You paid way more than you have.
bryan callen
It's like seeing, when you see those people who are just like, now they're...
53, hanging around a coffee shop with a ponytail, and they don't really have a job.
They're trying to get things done, and you're like, oh, you had a really good time for 15 years.
unidentified
Maybe.
brendan schaub
That's the same with fighting.
You'll meet some fighters.
I'll meet some fighters who are so punchy, and they're maybe 40, 45. For 15 years, this guy was the man.
I wanted to be him.
Now I look at him, and I'm like, dude, you make me never want to fight again.
What were you doing?
joe rogan
Do you have a number in your head or a place in your head where you're going to reach where you're like, that's it?
Whether it's an age number or whether it's a physical number, a feeling that you're going to have when you know when to hang out?
brendan schaub
I think you know.
I think you know.
joe rogan
But do you?
brendan schaub
Because that seems to be the problem.
People ask me this now.
When do you think?
I'd probably say I have a good five years left.
Especially the way I train.
Like, Brian, you know, I don't have an off-season.
I'm in shape year-round.
I train non-stop year-round.
joe rogan
Do you do that to continue with your improvement, or do you also do that in case someone calls, like in case you get a last-minute call?
brendan schaub
No, just to get better.
joe rogan
Just to get better.
unidentified
Just to get better.
joe rogan
Continue your improvement.
brendan schaub
The only reason.
joe rogan
You're always training.
unidentified
He's always training.
joe rogan
Well, hey man, that's the right attitude to have in the Hurt Business.
You know, you can't be casual about this.
brendan schaub
Dude, there are monsters out there.
I just called out Mark Hunt.
I just called out Mark Hunt.
Listen to this.
He talks shit to me on Twitter at 10 o'clock at night, which is whatever time in New Zealand.
It's 10 o'clock at night.
I read it.
I'm like, yeah, whatever.
I'm watching Naked and Afraid or Teen Mom or some bullshit, right?
I'm like, whatever.
Sitting there.
It's just killing me.
I'm like, you know what?
Fuck this guy.
Goodbye.
I talked shit to him.
He bites.
We're going back and forth.
Finally, it was almost like butter.
Just bam.
Next thing I know, I had him agree to a winner-takes-all fight.
And we're fighting in August.
Winner-takes-all.
Mark Hunt, Brendan Shaw, main event.
joe rogan
You guys are having a winner-takes-all fight?
brendan schaub
It was my idea.
joe rogan
So how does that work financially as far as with the UFC? Well, the UFC won't sanction it.
Okay, so you have to pay him your purse when it's over?
brendan schaub
Well, he's going to pay me his purse, but yes.
joe rogan
Well, okay.
That's what I meant.
brendan schaub
Yes, there you go.
joe rogan
You know, it's like Mike and I, you know, it's just the proper way.
brendan schaub
He's going to pay me his purse.
But the thing is, you get all hyped up.
I get done with that, sitting in bed.
My heart's going a million miles an hour.
I just called out the, whatever, number 5'6 heavyweight in the world.
The hardest hitter in the division.
And it's a winner-takes-all fight.
Not an ounce of sleep.
Woke up at 7am and went to practice.
unidentified
No pressure.
brendan schaub
That was a Wednesday night.
And you want to be a UFC fighter?
joe rogan
Fuck.
Yeah, the pressure is probably alien to most people.
brendan schaub
It's insane!
Fight week?
unidentified
What?
brendan schaub
Fight week?
unidentified
Depression.
brendan schaub
You think about all the other avenues you could have gone down to avoid jumping into that cage, for sure.
Everything goes through your mind.
joe rogan
You mean all the other avenues in life, like what you could have done?
Yeah, for sure.
brendan schaub
I should be married with kids.
I could be wearing a suit and tie.
I'm a double major from University of Colorado.
I could be doing this.
I should have done this.
I could have done this.
joe rogan
When does that go away?
When does that go away?
brendan schaub
Uh, man, probably right when I get in the cage.
When I hit the crowd, I'm cool.
In the back, I'm like, dang, what are we doing?
joe rogan
So once you hit the crowd, then you're like, it's on, you're in its on mode, and your body can relax, saying at least it's going to get a release from all this tension.
brendan schaub
Exactly, yep.
joe rogan
Yeah, isn't that what it is?
It's like, once the first round starts, people would think, like, God, it must be scary to fight.
But I would imagine that the most brutal thing is just getting there.
brendan schaub
The build-up.
joe rogan
Just getting there.
brendan schaub
Oh, when you're fighting, you know, my last fight, I was the third fight in Toronto, UFC 165, against Mitrione.
I mean, I didn't fight until, shoot, 9 o'clock at night.
You're waiting around all day thinking about the fight.
joe rogan
And when do you eat?
brendan schaub
It's tough for me to eat because of my nerves.
That's why everyone's like, oh, shop's cut to 205. Listen, I'm 252 pounds right now.
The only reason I weigh in so light is because I can't eat.
The week of the fight, I can't eat.
So that's why I weigh in so light.
joe rogan
Wow, that's crazy.
bryan callen
I love Brendan because he's so honest about it.
He calls out Alistair Overeem on Twitter and he stops and he goes, yeah, God told him.
unidentified
And then he's like...
bryan callen
I've got to go train.
brendan schaub
I'll hit the ground running, man.
bryan callen
Fear is a good thing for a fighter, though, isn't it?
joe rogan
So is honesty.
Honesty, fear.
brendan schaub
Oh, people all the time are like, oh, man, Chuck Liddell's not like that.
Hate to tell you, my man, your favorite fighter is just scared to admit it.
I'm not scared to admit it.
People are terrified back there.
You're going to fight another trained killer inside the octagon, basically in your underwear, in front of millions of people.
Millions of people.
You're going to be a little scared.
I hate to tell you that.
I hate to tell you that, man.
unidentified
Of course!
joe rogan
How could you think that you wouldn't like your fucking cool hand Luke who's going to strut in there with a smile on your face?
brendan schaub
Anyone who acts cool is a good actor.
bryan callen
Hicks and Gracie said there's a close relationship between fear and intelligence.
And he said anybody who's not afraid at all, I always go, I shake my head, I go, that guy's not very smart.
brendan schaub
I'll tell you what.
Kenny told me this.
Tough fighters don't last.
Smart fighters do.
And he's right, man.
joe rogan
Yeah, he's totally right.
brendan schaub
He's so correct.
joe rogan
Bernard Hopkins.
Back to Bernard Hopkins.
48 years old in boxing and he talks clear.
brendan schaub
So incredible.
joe rogan
Doesn't have any issues.
Very rarely gets hit clean.
Very rarely.
He might get hit clean two or three times in a whole fight.
bryan callen
Floyd Mayweather is the same way, right?
joe rogan
Very rarely it's hit.
Last guy to hit him clean was Sugar Shane Mosley.
Sugar Shane Mosley rocked him with the right hand.
He covered up, recovered, then boxed his face.
bryan callen
That Instagram of Sugar Shane between you and Tim Tebow, he looked like you guys won him in something.
Like, he's tiny.
brendan schaub
I'll tell you what, he was a tad punchy.
I'm not going to lie to you.
He's a little bit punchy.
joe rogan
Floyd?
brendan schaub
No.
Sugar Shane.
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus Christ.
brendan schaub
No.
joe rogan
Yeah, I'm sure Sugar Shane's a little punchy.
He's a lot of wars.
bryan callen
I think Bradley's going to be punchy.
brendan schaub
Bradley's going to be super punchy.
bryan callen
I've never seen anybody take that kind of punishment.
brendan schaub
Do you think it's worth it, Joe?
joe rogan
What about the Provadnikov fight?
Did you see that fight?
bryan callen
The craziest thing I've ever seen.
joe rogan
He fought a fucking, the best way Max Kellerman described it, you took a Siberian caveman, thawed him out, and then put boxing gloves on him.
That's what that guy was like.
brendan schaub
Bradley had slurred speech for at least a month after.
joe rogan
Yeah, he talked about it after the fight.
brendan schaub
So you guys have kids.
Your kid wants to fight, and most likely there's going to be some trouble down the road with his brain if he's a fighter.
You say, cool?
You're down?
joe rogan
I say you do whatever you want to do.
If that's what you want to do, you can't half-ass it.
I don't want my kid to have that.
brendan schaub
Oh, I didn't say Lazy McGee here.
joe rogan
But I mean, if you want to do it, if that's what you want to do, that's what you should do.
I don't think anyone should do anything other than that.
If it gets to a certain point, look, that's what I wanted to do when I was young.
I wanted to fight.
When I figured out at a certain point in time there was no future, that's when I stopped doing it.
brendan schaub
What made you realize there's no future?
joe rogan
It was nothing in 1989. When I had my last kickboxing match, there was nothing.
There was no kickboxing.
Taekwondo, I couldn't respect it the way I used to respect it because I started kickboxing.
brendan schaub
Legitimate kickboxing here is what we're talking about?
joe rogan
You started competing in it?
I fought...
Above the waist, PKA style.
And then I started training Muay Thai, and then I realized there was even more holes in the above the waist style.
But above the waist, PKA style, the real problem was the boxing.
I had done Taekwondo for so long, my hands were shit.
And my ability to move and throw kicks and punches together, it was all disjointed.
It just wasn't the right way to do things.
brendan schaub
When did you get into Jiu-Jitsu?
unidentified
96?
joe rogan
Joe got me into Jiu Jitsu.
So I went through like this period where I was training like all the time in a martial art that had all these holes in it.
So I wasn't ever going to go back and compete like try to make the US Olympic team or anything like that because I didn't feel the same way about Taekwondo.
I didn't want to just do it anymore because I knew how easy it is for a guy Just cover up and walk you down and corner you in a ring and fuck you up because you don't know how to deal with hands.
There were so many holes in it.
It's so much easier to punch you in the face when guys were throwing kicks and punches together and you didn't understand the rhythm and the distance of punches.
So when I went from that, I had no choice.
There was no options.
But if there was an option, like if kickboxing paid like what boxing does, if there was a UFC option at that time, I would have had to learn grappling, so I probably still wouldn't have competed in the UFC if there was something like that.
When I first started grappling, when I first started jiu-jitsu in 96, I was amazed at how easy it was for men to just rape me.
Just ragdoll me, choke me, armbar me at will.
They looked the same size as me.
They looked pretty similar.
I looked at these people and I'd be like, well, you're not that bigger than me.
bryan callen
You realize how vulnerable you are.
joe rogan
Oh, it's disturbing.
bryan callen
I think fighting, like even learning a little bit of fighting makes you more afraid, not less afraid.
joe rogan
More humble, for sure.
It's also, don't you feel like, um, out of all the pro athletes, fighters are probably the most approachable and the most down to earth?
brendan schaub
Easy.
joe rogan
Easy.
brendan schaub
Long shot.
There's a reason why when a UFC fighter goes into an event, whether it's the ESPYs, whatever it is, all sorts of stuff, right?
There can be NBA, NHL, NFL, the who's who, actors.
The room wants to talk to the fighter.
Because guess what?
No one is willing to do what a fighter does.
So when a famous fighter walks in a room, he's the center of the attention.
Every time, man.
joe rogan
That's fascinating.
brendan schaub
Every time.
joe rogan
What if there's Michael Jordan and Uriah Faber?
bryan callen
Different story.
Michael Jordan is stealing all of them.
brendan schaub
I mean, Michael Jordan is a little different.
Now, Muhammad Ali, Michael Jordan, I bet you Muhammad Ali is going to get some interest.
Not Muhammad Ali right now.
Right.
unidentified
Whatever.
joe rogan
When he was young.
Yes.
How about, okay, let's perfect example.
brendan schaub
Mike Tyson 86. Mike Tyson, Mike Jordan.
I bet you more people go up to Mike Tyson.
joe rogan
Mike Tyson in 86. I think it taps into the cave, man.
Walk down the street and people would call their friends.
unidentified
Yeah.
bryan callen
It taps into the fact that there's a man in the room that can kill everybody with his bare hands.
Yeah.
That's fascinating to men.
joe rogan
That's the John L. Sullivan.
I can lick any man in this room.
brendan schaub
But when you're a kid, everyone wants to be a fighter.
You're fighting your brother.
You're fighting your friend.
bryan callen
Who's the toughest kid in the neighborhood.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Right.
What sports boiled down to the rawest element?
It's like, the game you're playing is, let's play, kill you.
bryan callen
Yeah, that's right.
joe rogan
You try to kill me, I try to kill you.
brendan schaub
But some of them are a game.
Some of them are a game, right?
Like, football's a game.
Basketball's a game.
Listen, if LeBron James misses a jump shot, hey, listen, he's going to go tomorrow.
If I miss the timing of Mark Hunt's left hook, listen, my jaw's going to be shattered in 30 different spots.
I'm not fighting for probably a year and a half.
That's the difference.
The stakes are a lot higher.
unidentified
What?
joe rogan
Way higher.
brendan schaub
Not even comparable.
joe rogan
Yeah, not comparable at all.
You could lose 20 basketball games in a row and still go to the movies.
Imagine if you lost 20 fights in a row.
brendan schaub
You're not going to have a job.
joe rogan
Yeah, it'd be impossible.
bryan callen
And you're physically...
joe rogan
Eddie Bravo and I were talking about this.
This is a perfect way to describe one of the great things about jiu-jitsu is think about how many times you've been tapped in your life in jiu-jitsu.
I've probably been tapped a hundred times.
Now, what if I had been head kicked, knocked out a hundred times?
unidentified
Forget it.
joe rogan
What if a hundred times I got wheel kicked like Luke Rockhold?
Could you imagine a person who's been wheel kicked in the head a hundred times?
bryan callen
You actually might be dead.
I don't think you could take full wheel kicks like that a hundred times.
joe rogan
A hundred of those in your life.
brendan schaub
I don't think you could have some problems.
joe rogan
You'd have nothing left.
You'd have literally nothing left.
But you can do that.
You can get rear naked choked a hundred times in a month and you're okay.
brendan schaub
True.
joe rogan
You're going to be sore.
brendan schaub
You're going to be sore.
joe rogan
But you're going to be okay.
And there's a big difference between these two death moves.
brendan schaub
But this is the difference.
In striking, if someone's about to blast me with the right hand, I can't tap out and be like, no, we're good, man.
Yeah, you got that.
You got that.
That's a good point, too.
Listen, if you're going against a guy who's like, if I get a hold of something, I'm going to rip your arm up, you're going to be in trouble.
joe rogan
Some Paul Harris type character.
brendan schaub
Yes, you're not going to be able to roll every day.
joe rogan
Right.
brendan schaub
Yeah, that's the difference.
joe rogan
That's true, too.
brendan schaub
In Jiu-Jitsu, there's a way out.
In Jiu-Jitsu, there's a white flag.
In boxing, you know, in these other sports, there's no white flag.
joe rogan
That's why it's so crazy when someone doesn't use that white flag and you watch their shit get snapped.
brendan schaub
It's like, Doc, you're out for a long, long time.
bryan callen
Like Henson Gracie, watch Sakuraba.
joe rogan
Break his arm.
bryan callen
Break his arm.
joe rogan
Well, that fight was over, though.
How about Tim Sylvia and Frank Mir?
Frank Mir snapped his forearm in half.
brendan schaub
He didn't feel it, right?
joe rogan
Tim Sylvia's trying to punch him with the left.
Unbelievable.
I mean, he knew something was wrong, but he was like, you know what?
Fuck it.
I'm just going to hit him with my other hand.
bryan callen
I didn't see that.
joe rogan
Oh, my God.
It snapped.
Like, the forearm was straight.
brendan schaub
Her beam has to stop it.
No, no, no.
bryan callen
He stopped the fight.
joe rogan
Watch.
Pull that up.
Frank Mir...
bryan callen
God, Frank Mirror is so scary.
joe rogan
The audience didn't know what was going on, so the audience was yelling.
And I had to explain it to the audience.
Yeah, I had to explain it.
I go, watch it right here.
And the audience went, oh!
bryan callen
You've seen so much violence.
joe rogan
Watch this, watch this, watch this, watch this.
Watch the forums.
bryan callen
Ow!
joe rogan
Yeah, baby.
unidentified
Ow!
joe rogan
That's how powerful...
Herb Dean is a bad motherfucker.
He's yelling, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
He separates it, and he's like, yo, dude, your arm is broken.
This fight is over.
brendan schaub
Yo, homie, your arm...
joe rogan
So during the replay, the audience was booing.
They were really pissed off.
I go, watch this.
brendan schaub
Right here.
joe rogan
Right here.
bryan callen
Boom!
Oh my god!
brendan schaub
Frank Mir is one of my favorites.
joe rogan
Yeah.
My god.
That was an incredible armbar.
He's the only guy in the UFC, by the way, who's broken two guys' arms.
Two high-level world champions' arms.
brendan schaub
Insane.
joe rogan
Noguera and Frank Mir.
And he almost ripped Lesnar's leg apart.
Lesnar had a normal-sized leg.
You know, Mazzagati fucked up, man.
brendan schaub
Yes.
joe rogan
That was a bad...
Lesnar was tapping, and then he tapped again.
He tapped some more, and then finally the referee stopped it.
brendan schaub
Paul Harris style, for sure.
joe rogan
Oh, if Paul Harris got a hold of that, he doesn't do the straight leg locks very rarely.
brendan schaub
Well, he's doing ankle locks, man, which is way more trouble.
joe rogan
Well, he's doing inside heel hooks.
That's his favorite.
He loves that inside heel hook.
bryan callen
He did it again to somebody.
joe rogan
Yeah, well, he let go.
He let go.
You see, everybody's saying that he doesn't let go.
brendan schaub
They're going to jump off.
They're jumping on him no matter what he does.
If he gets a submission, they're jumping on him.
joe rogan
He absolutely has held submissions for too long, though.
brendan schaub
For sure.
joe rogan
Absolutely.
Not just once, many times.
There's fights of his in Brazil where he's got a lock on a guy and he will not let go.
And the referee's prying at him and he will not let go.
And I don't remember if it was a choke or it was a leg lock, but he fucked that guy up.
brendan schaub
I heard in training he's the exact same way.
He really only trains with his brother.
His brother he doesn't do that with.
Everyone else is like, no, I'm good, man.
He hangs on to stuff.
joe rogan
That's so crazy.
That's so scary, a guy who does that.
unidentified
It's ridiculous.
joe rogan
Especially a guy who's built like that.
I mean, Jesus fucking Christ.
brendan schaub
It's crazy how he's built.
joe rogan
He is the biggest 170 pounder I've ever seen ever.
unidentified
So weird.
brendan schaub
He has a smaller forehead than me.
Have you ever seen him?
He does.
My eyebrows are about to run into the side here.
He's very similar.
joe rogan
Cro-Magnon-esque, right?
Yeah.
That guy has the best leg locks, man.
His leg locks are so finishing.
He grabs a hold of one.
It's like 9 out of 10 someone's tapping.
For sure.
Except Alan Belcher.
brendan schaub
Belcher beat the brakes off of him.
Belcher beat the brakes on him.
joe rogan
Not only did he do it, he willingly went into leg lock positions because he worked his entire camp on defending.
brendan schaub
He just punched him in the face.
Heavy, sat on top, punched, passed, punched.
joe rogan
I should ask Alan and give props to whoever coached him on his leg locks there.
But Alan Belcher is a wizard at that shit now because he prepared for that fight and did everything, every step of the way, like everything, blocked everything, knew exactly what to expect.
And you can see Palaharis is so flustered.
He really didn't know what to do because Alan was like in right where he wanted, in the spiderweb, defending everything and then punching him in his face.
brendan schaub
Well, Palaharis has a little bit of an issue.
Like, do you remember Nate Markart?
joe rogan
Yeah.
brendan schaub
When Nate pulled out of the leg submission, he's like, What?
What?
And then, bam!
Blast in the face.
joe rogan
Well, he was accusing Nate of greasing.
unidentified
Because he couldn't believe that Nate got out of his leg lock.
joe rogan
Well, Nate was pretty honest about what he did.
He said, I warmed up a lot because I knew the guy was really good at leg locks.
I wanted to be nice and slippery.
So I sweat a lot.
You're allowed to do that.
For sure.
brendan schaub
There's no issue with that.
joe rogan
But he's like, ooh!
brendan schaub
Yeah, he's like, what?
And as he's pointing, Nate goes, kaboom!
bryan callen
Nate just dove on him.
brendan schaub
It was great.
joe rogan
Well, do you remember that fight?
He fought Dan Miller?
brendan schaub
And jumped up on the cage?
And they're like, what?
joe rogan
He hit him and rocked him and for whatever reason decided the fight was over.
So he starts celebrating.
He jumps on the cage!
brendan schaub
They pull him down from the cage.
joe rogan
The referee's like, the fight's still on.
You have to keep fighting.
What are you doing?
bryan callen
Did he end up winning?
joe rogan
Well, I think he won.
He won a decision.
I think he won a decision.
But it was one of the weirdest things ever.
bryan callen
A little embarrassing.
joe rogan
It's like he just decided that the referee was stopping the fight.
brendan schaub
Real McAsshole.
Jumping up on the cage.
They're literally grabbing his shorts and being like, hey homie, you're still going.
joe rogan
Pull that up.
Paul Harris vs.
Dan Miller.
I don't know if you can find the exchange, because it's so bizarre.
brendan schaub
It's weird.
He has an issue, obviously.
joe rogan
Well, if you read about that guy's childhood, it was one of the most horrific childhoods.
Oh, that's it right there.
brendan schaub
That's it?
There he is.
joe rogan
Yeah, look.
He walks away.
brendan schaub
Look, he's on the cage.
You have to tear him down.
joe rogan
Yeah, let's look at the finish again.
Watch it again.
bryan callen
Look at how muscular he is.
brendan schaub
What was Dan Miller going to do though?
joe rogan
Bring it all the way back to the beginning so we can see what happened before.
So he hits him.
He hits him.
Boom.
Boom.
And he just got off.
He just decides.
unidentified
What is that?
joe rogan
That's so crazy.
brendan schaub
What is that?
joe rogan
He just decided that it was over.
brendan schaub
What world is he in?
And then look, I love how Dan Miller's rushing over to him to grab him on the cage.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's ridiculous.
brendan schaub
What was he going to do?
bryan callen
Those arms are so ridiculous.
And what does he weigh in there?
joe rogan
185. Well, he weighed in at 185. He's probably, you know, 2+.
brendan schaub
His nickname is Tree Stump.
joe rogan
Yeah.
brendan schaub
His legs are like this, man.
joe rogan
170. He just tapped Steve Carl.
Oh, his childhood.
Yeah.
His childhood was unbelievably horrific.
I mean, he was working.
Yeah, he's working on a farm when he was a little boy.
They ate pig slop.
He literally had to eat pig slop to stay alive.
He had no food.
When he first started training, he was just dirt poor.
Like, as poor as can be.
There's this big scar on his chest.
They couldn't afford to take him to a hospital, so they glued it.
They had a giant gash on his chest, and they glued it together.
When he was a little kid, I mean, he lived a hard, hard life.
Probably filled with trauma that people like us that grew up in a nice neighborhood probably could never understand.
brendan schaub
Again, Kenny in Malibu who wants to fight.
No, man, you're screwed, bud.
Because Paul Harris is super gluing his chest and ankle-locking pigs when he's eight years old.
joe rogan
Yeah, well, we might have been talking about that.
Was that before the podcast or was it during the commercials that we were saying that?
But it's the epigenetics thing.
The scientists have proven that fear and memory can be inherited via sperm.
bryan callen
I didn't know that.
joe rogan
It's been a while, but there's papers that have been published on it now, apparently.
bryan callen
That's crazy.
joe rogan
Researchers began testing the pups of traumatized dads It makes sense evolutionarily, though.
bryan callen
Really?
Yeah, because Steve Rinella said, you start hunting an area, the animals, like the elk in Yellowstone, because the wolves were just introduced, their generation to generations have not had to deal with wolves.
So what happens is, they don't really know how to defend against wolves.
They don't have the built-in, startled responses, etc.
But as they start getting killed by wolves more and more, their offspring will learn, so it makes total sense.
joe rogan
So this is what happened.
They used the smell of this chemical, which has a citrusy smell.
It's called acetophenone, and it was paired with a slightly discomforting electric shock to their feet.
So that's what they did to the dads.
Then they gave the children of the dads this acetophenone spray, and they panicked.
bryan callen
This is rats?
joe rogan
Mice.
bryan callen
Mice, yeah.
joe rogan
I mean, that's some insane shit, man.
brendan schaub
It's just, whose job is that?
Whose job is like, hey, get the rats, grab their feet, man?
I mean, who's doing that?
Who's giving these rats these feet?
bryan callen
That makes sense.
From an evolutionary standpoint, if you continue to be hunted by lions, the first time a gazelle sees a lion, it's running.
It doesn't have to say, hey, what is that thing?
brendan schaub
So my kid's gonna love coffee and frickin' thick chicks, or what?
unidentified
Is that how it works?
joe rogan
I think every healthy boy likes thick chicks.
bryan callen
I know.
joe rogan
I was having this conversation with women about, with Amy Schumer, about models, like the idea of a model.
brendan schaub
No one likes that!
No one likes that!
joe rogan
Well, I mean, it's not awful.
I don't want anybody who's really skinny to feel bad.
brendan schaub
No, not at all.
joe rogan
But you don't have to starve yourself to look like that.
You're not doing anybody any favors.
brendan schaub
But it's very rare you find a guy who's like, dang, look at that girl.
I can see every rib.
She is fine.
bryan callen
It's like trying to take a nap in a wooden chair.
brendan schaub
No, I've never met a guy who just signed me up for that skinny-ass model.
bryan callen
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
brendan schaub
But girls have this idea where they need to be that skinny.
Guys don't like that.
joe rogan
Well, it's gay guys who are fashion designers.
I'm not saying the straight guys aren't, but a lot of them are gay, let's be real.
It's not homophobic, to be honest.
There's a lot of gay guys that, you know, obviously they're not looking for a hips-to-waist ratio, ass-to-waist ratio, because they're not thinking about fucking them.
So they're thin and slender.
brendan schaub
But also, that dress looks cool on that coat hanger.
If we could get a chick to be that skinny and thin so it would look just like that, and then toss a blonde wig, you know what I'm saying?
So the clothes look the same.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's a weird thing.
bryan callen
That's why I look good in a dress, guys.
brendan schaub
They need models with blonde asses.
joe rogan
Women decide that women who look like that look good, though.
That gets weird.
Well, because they see it in magazines.
Yeah, yeah.
bryan callen
They're told, culturally, you can be told, like some tribes in Africa, like in Burma, those women with the really long necks.
joe rogan
How about the women in Africa that put the plates in their face?
bryan callen
Yeah.
joe rogan
The bigger the plate, the more cattle you're worth.
bryan callen
Foot binding in China?
You can learn.
Cultures learn what's attractive.
brendan schaub
Yeah, I'm just talking about boobs and ass here.
joe rogan
Well, that's the normal route.
That's the DNA, but there's the cultural route.
brendan schaub
What do you think it is?
What do you think it is why guys are attracted to bigger butts and bigger boobs?
bryan callen
They breed better.
brendan schaub
That's a fact that they breed better?
joe rogan
Sure.
Larger breasts, larger ass means she's going to have more fat on her body.
She'll be healthier to take care of the baby.
The baby's going to burn off a tremendous amount of calories.
You want a healthy woman.
You don't want a sickly person.
If you see her ribs, that'll be unattractive because that means she's starving already.
unidentified
She's not doing well.
joe rogan
No, I get that.
brendan schaub
It's DNA. I'm not saying freaking eating disorder Amy over here and then thick Amy.
joe rogan
Right.
brendan schaub
But there's a reason...
Why?
Guys are like, ooh, look at those big-ass titties.
joe rogan
Ass, too.
Why is the ass?
brendan schaub
Why is it?
joe rogan
Because they're healthy.
bryan callen
Even animals, male animals, attract round surfaces.
joe rogan
Well, muscular.
You're also attracted to a big ass as the sign of great genetics.
It's just the reward.
More speed, more power, everything.
brendan schaub
But then even when a girl gets surgery done and gets implants, I'm still cool.
I'm game.
Yeah, cool.
joe rogan
Yeah, you're letting your system get tricked.
You're letting your system get tricked.
Like fake tits.
Yeah, that's the thing.
With guys, fake tits and fake asses.
They actually do work.
We're so pathetic.
Our desire to just...
Departmentalize it and just get our loads out.
I know.
It's just like we're dealing with, like, pretend you were a ship, and the ship only had so much room for bullets on it.
You know, if you have too many bullets on it, the fucking ship's gonna sink.
Well, every day, a new shipment of bullets arrives.
And you know what?
Alright, we're just going to have to fucking be a little less choosy with our targets.
And you start shooting into the water, shooting in the sky.
You've got to get rid of bullets.
That's what it's like being a man.
Being a man is like being on a fucking battleship that's constantly receiving a new shipment of bullets.
And you're looking at the fucking notebook and you're like, fucking who ordered this?
Look at all the bullets we already have!
Oh, alright, alright.
Everybody on deck!
We gotta start fucking shooting the ocean again!
brendan schaub
Everybody on deck!
unidentified
Shit!
brendan schaub
All hands on dick!
All hands on dick!
joe rogan
Well, that's why people who don't fire off their rounds on their own, they're not judicious about that.
What happens to them?
Well, they get hoodwinked in some shitbag relationship with some woman who controls how they cum.
You know, I've had friends with a girlfriend, won't let them jerk off.
Are you hearing me?
bryan callen
That's crazy.
brendan schaub
Listen, I'll tell you right now, my friend tells me I'm going to say, have a good day, sir.
We are no longer friends.
joe rogan
Say it later.
brendan schaub
Erase my number.
joe rogan
Have a good day, sir!
brendan schaub
Never call me ever again.
bryan callen
I went to Alaska and we came across, it was so boring.
We went fishing.
Me and my dad lasted one day, by the way, fishing.
joe rogan
Why?
bryan callen
Because I don't know how to fish.
Oh, I'll hook you up with a guy.
We lost every lure.
Every lure.
In one hour, the guy goes, let's just put another lure on.
We go, oh, no, we don't have any more.
He goes, you lost them all?
joe rogan
You told this story on my podcast three different times.
bryan callen
The point I'm making is that we found a guy who had an arsenal.
He had an arsenal.
brendan schaub
What does this have to do with chicks and blow up asses?
bryan callen
About shooting guns, same thing.
When you have a lot of ammo, he had crazy amounts of ammo and all kinds of machine guns and M1s.
I couldn't squeeze off enough rounds.
unidentified
Like, day after day, I became completely desensitized.
bryan callen
I was trying to shoot everything.
I was like, what's that thing in the water?
Is that an otter?
joe rogan
That's very different than what we were talking about, but I see why you connected.
brendan schaub
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
bryan callen
Is that a bad correlation?
joe rogan
We were talking about cum.
brendan schaub
I saw a report where they say some guys...
joe rogan
Whoa, Jesus, what is that?
Who is that?
Is that Kim Kardashian?
brendan schaub
That's Kim Kardashian.
Sign me up.
joe rogan
Okay, is that a real ass?
bryan callen
Yeah, it is.
joe rogan
What's going on there?
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
Are you sure that hasn't been pumped up?
bryan callen
No.
joe rogan
I'm not sure.
brendan schaub
Hey, guess what?
unidentified
I don't care.
joe rogan
Who cares?
brendan schaub
I do not care.
bryan callen
That's her real ass.
And those are her real tits.
joe rogan
Okay.
brendan schaub
Yeah, sign me up.
joe rogan
Brian knows.
brendan schaub
This is my...
So...
bryan callen
Yeah.
joe rogan
Whatever.
Might as well be.
Let's make it.
Yeah.
She's probably not even real.
Life is probably a gigantic hallucination in the first place.
bryan callen
A big hologram?
joe rogan
Yeah, some sort of mathematical program from space where we're on some computer simulation.
But if that is the case, you're creating essentially everything with your imagination that exists all around you.
unidentified
It's intense.
joe rogan
So let's create her.
Let's let her be live.
unidentified
Well...
brendan schaub
The point I was making, I saw a report where it says some guys are wired where they just can't be faithful.
They're just not wired to be monogamous.
joe rogan
I wonder if that has anything to do with the same thing that they're talking about in this story with sperm being transferred from father to son.
I wonder if that's the case.
Because there's some things that they say, like the children of racists are almost inherently racist.
Not inherently racist, like unavoidably so, or they can't learn, but they'll tend to show racist tendencies more likely than someone who is an adopted child of someone who wasn't racist.
unidentified
Really?
brendan schaub
That's crazy.
joe rogan
Well, I think they're trying now to figure out exactly what makes a human being.
We don't know yet.
So when you see something like this with mice, and you gotta think, what's more complex, a mice or a person?
A person's way more fucking complex.
But if the underlying mechanisms like this, like what they're talking about...
brendan schaub
Fuck the mice, man.
Mice does nothing for me.
joe rogan
But it doesn't, because what if you were a guy, and you got mugged by a black guy, and a black guy beat the shit out of you and took your wallet, and then you had a kid.
And your kid just fucking shrieks every time it sees black people.
I mean, that is real.
That's the same mechanism that would keep...
Look, there's a reason why Rupert Sheldrick had this analogy about kids and monsters.
Like, why is every kid afraid of a monster?
Even a kid who grows up in New York City.
Like, you should be afraid of car accidents, right?
You should be afraid of floods.
You should be afraid of a lot of shit that's real.
But kids are afraid of a monster in the dark.
Why?
Because our ancestors got eaten by jaguars.
We saw way, way back in the day before they figured out houses and spears.
All that come made the people of today.
And all that stuff's in there.
That's why some people have aphidiophobia.
Some people have arachnophobia.
They're afraid of snakes or they're afraid of spiders.
And it is fucking paralyzing.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Have you ever seen it?
bryan callen
From an evolutionary point of view, in this book, Why Evolution is True, why are people afraid of snakes?
And a lot of people, inherently, from all over the place, are afraid of snakes.
You take a fake snake, they've done all these experiments, right?
Where people get killed by cars way more often.
Why?
Well, primates, when they see a snake, will climb a tree.
They're afraid of snakes.
Good.
Smart move.
joe rogan
That's why they're still here.
bryan callen
They think it's an evolutionary memory.
joe rogan
Yeah.
bryan callen
That human beings have carried from when, you know, back...
brendan schaub
Oh, really?
They did a whole fucking research where a guy...
Listen, snakes are scary as shit.
bryan callen
There's a reason, though.
unidentified
No, yeah, because they have big little eyes and bite the shit out of me.
He's afraid of knowledge.
joe rogan
He's afraid of knowledge.
bryan callen
I know, he's panicking.
joe rogan
He's afraid of knowledge.
brendan schaub
I've been in car wrecks.
joe rogan
No, you got into this thing right there where you're trying to anti-intellectualize the whole situation.
You're like, this is just, you're watching us go back and forth.
brendan schaub
No, not at all, man.
joe rogan
And you're like, yeah, they're fucking scary!
unidentified
Enough said!
brendan schaub
No, not at all.
There's a reason, because a rattlesnake will bite you, correct?
Shake its tail, bite you.
How often have you seen a rattlesnake?
Maybe once in your life.
joe rogan
Primates, you don't even know that.
bryan callen
Primates don't even know that, and they declimatrate.
joe rogan
Yeah, almost immediately.
brendan schaub
Yeah, because the thing's going to bite you.
joe rogan
Right, but they don't know that.
We're talking about things that have never been exposed to snakes.
They don't have a book to read.
unidentified
Including people that have.
joe rogan
They don't have videos to watch.
They just see a snake and they go, whoa, I see it.
brendan schaub
They see a snake with these huge fangs.
joe rogan
They don't see the fangs.
bryan callen
They don't see the fangs.
joe rogan
They don't know what that thing is.
It looks like a stick that moves.
bryan callen
People have a natural...
It's common sense.
unidentified
You don't touch a snake that's red and yellow.
bryan callen
How would a monkey have common sense?
Common sense, Brennan.
Common sense.
joe rogan
Common sense is most likely genes.
bryan callen
Brennan, common sense would be be afraid, way more afraid of cars because they kill way more people a year than do snakes, right?
But people all over the globe...
brendan schaub
We know cars.
We know cars.
bryan callen
People know snakes.
brendan schaub
Not really.
bryan callen
What I'm saying is that we don't.
brendan schaub
That's why we're terrified.
joe rogan
What are you talking about?
People don't know snakes?
brendan schaub
No, they don't.
joe rogan
Wait a minute.
Come on, man.
People don't know what a snake is?
brendan schaub
When's the last time you saw a snake?
joe rogan
I saw a rattlesnake in my yard two days ago.
brendan schaub
Well, good for you, Joe.
You're around rattlesnakes all the time.
joe rogan
Well, everybody is in L.A. L.A., if you have a yard, it's very possible that you have rattlesnakes.
bryan callen
People know what snakes are the way they know what cars are.
brendan schaub
In Marina Del Rey, you know how many rattlesnakes are?
Zero.
joe rogan
That's not true at all.
brendan schaub
I haven't seen a rattlesnake in ten years.
joe rogan
When you go from your house to your car, trust me, you might not see a rattlesnake, but they're out there.
There's probably a very small population in your neighborhood.
bryan callen
They're all over the place.
You're missing the point.
Evolutionary scientists have realized that we have a natural, a human being seemed to have universally a phobia of snakes.
Because they have fangs and poisons.
joe rogan
Oh, silly goose.
bryan callen
They have a natural phobia of snakes and what that is probably is an evolutionary memory.
Joe's talking about how you create fear memory through generations, and that is an example of that.
Whether or not you're afraid of snakes, the point is that there are other things in life you should be way more afraid of and people are not because we don't have as long a memory of it.
joe rogan
And that's the argument from the documentary.
brendan schaub
No, the argument is… Listen, I get both arguments.
Then why are people scared of aliens?
joe rogan
Well, because they're scared of the unknown.
We're not just only scared of things that we see that are scary because our grandfathers got bitten by one.
We're also scared of the unknown.
We're scared of the dark, period.
brendan schaub
I think it's a good theory, for sure, and it makes sense, but I think there's also some things where, listen, you know, if a predator walks in my room, I know him, like, hey, man, what's up?
Let's hang out.
unidentified
No, no.
bryan callen
When children, when you go like this, to children, They start crying.
Little babies.
brendan schaub
That scared me.
bryan callen
Why though?
Because it's a memory of being eaten.
It's a memory of being eaten.
So what they found is even infants, when you bury your teeth and go like this with your hands, you go and growl.
Low noises for infants.
That's why when men come into a room a lot of times, children, when they hear a low voice, especially when the person's talking loud, a man, they immediately are way more afraid of that than they are of a woman with a high voice.
Why is that?
Why do they start crying at strange men?
That is...
According to a lot of evolutionary biologists, that is a memory that you're actually born with.
What's that called?
Instinct, right?
I mean, it's a type of instinct.
brendan schaub
Man, or the babies are scared because it's a giant-ass dude talking all loud.
You just chalk it up to that?
bryan callen
They're not afraid of TVs?
joe rogan
No, no.
Babies are afraid of a lot of shit.
They're afraid of things that don't make sense, like a lady's hat with a fucking giant feather.
They freak out because they think it's a poison snake.
brendan schaub
I get the point you're making, and I think it's true, but I also think sometimes you just know.
joe rogan
You know what I think?
I think it's not either or.
I think it's both.
But what they're saying in this study is...
bryan callen
Learn and memorize.
joe rogan
What's been proven in this study, though, is pretty unavoidable.
If they're detecting the stress response to a very specific smell that they've created that they associated with electric shocks and then the children have that same reaction, that's pretty much proof.
brendan schaub
But then how does this go back to a guy being faithful?
joe rogan
What I was saying is the same thing with racism.
I was saying that there's things that are even useless things that are passed on from generation to generation.
And I think at least at one point in time, there was a time where the human race is probably in jeopardy.
And it was probably ridiculous for one guy to have sex with one woman and hope that the race was going to keep going.
Everybody fucked as much as they could because half the babies got eaten by jaguars.
I mean, what are the odds of a fleshy little fucking shitty designed human...
bryan callen
Died of disease.
joe rogan
...survive...
brendan schaub
Yeah.
joe rogan
...animal, wolves, fucking everything can eat you until you figure out weapons.
Then you have to band together and that doesn't work out.
Look...
It's a hard road for a long time for people to make it this far.
Now, it's so out of control that we're overwhelming.
The population is overwhelming the resources of the planet and will continue to grow at this rate or an exponential rate.
But a long time ago, man, it was tough to keep people alive.
During the Roman times, it was a 50% infant mortality rate.
50%.
If you had two kids, one of them was going to die for sure.
And you just had to deal with that.
brendan schaub
So they're just...
Having sex with whoever.
It was cool.
joe rogan
They were mad-dogging it because they were trying to keep the race alive.
You know, one of the things that they found when they were going over the Dead Sea Scrolls was that the Dead Sea Scrolls is the oldest stories of the Bible that are known.
It's the only form of the Bible that's written in Aramaic, and they found it in these scrolls in Qumran.
It was written on animal skins and left in these caves and these ceramic pots.
They found that a big part of what they were concerned with was fertility rituals.
They were concerned with making sure that they breed, making sure that they carry on.
I mean, this is, you know, we're talking like thousands and thousands of years ago.
That's nothing, though, when you think about the fact that humans in this form have essentially been around for close to a million years.
So for a long time, it was a hardscrabble life where we might not fucking make it.
And the only way we could make it is if we protect our territory and fuck every chick we can.
We're just shooting loads into everybody.
brendan schaub
So Miguel was like, let's do this.
joe rogan
And those are the men that made it.
The men that made it, the humans that made it, were the ones that had this evolutionary trait.
bryan callen
And conversely, by the way...
brendan schaub
And you're saying that trait's carried on.
joe rogan
Yes, well that trait exists in primates.
brendan schaub
All primates.
But I don't think at all.
I don't think at all.
unidentified
Yes, it does.
brendan schaub
I think some still have it.
joe rogan
No, it exists in all primates, every single primate.
The only primate that's ever been observed to even try to be monogamous is a human being.
All the monkeys, the gorillas have harems, and the gorillas have such a domination over the females that the females never cheat.
So because of this, the gorillas' dicks have shrunk to the size of an inch.
brendan schaub
That's too bad.
joe rogan
Gorillas have tiny little dicks.
bryan callen
That's so weird, I know.
joe rogan
And tiny little balls.
bryan callen
Tiny little dicks.
joe rogan
But chimp bitches are whores.
Chimps are sluts.
So chimps have giant balls and giant dicks.
But not as big as humans.
Human beings are the most promiscuous.
And there's a direct correlation between female promiscuity and male testicular size.
unidentified
Really?
joe rogan
Yes.
The bigger the balls, the more likely the male is surrounded by a bunch of...
Love the dick.
So your body recognizes this and the competition builds up.
So you come more, you build up more.
There's a bunch of faulty conclusions reached by a book called Sperm Wars.
And this book is basically, there's a lot of junk science attached to it.
And a lot of it was about these killer sperm that attack sperm and kill them.
But they've never been able to conclusively prove that sperm have any properties other than trying to get someone pregnant.
There's never been proven that there's sperm that are attacking other sperm, or any mechanism in which they kill other sperm, but what has been proven is your dick is shaped a certain way, okay?
And the big fat head at the end is a goddamn plunger.
And like the evolutionary design, a dude's got a little dickhead, you ever see a porn and the guy's got a little head and you're like, this poor bastard, what are you gonna do with that thing?
Exactly!
Because evolutionary, we look at that the same way we look at a big ass or big tits, like that's not a good design.
Look at that little fat dick with a little head.
You're a mess.
You're not plunging anything out of there.
bryan callen
You can bang my girl.
I'm not jealous.
joe rogan
You're plunging.
You're using this big fat dickhead, the bigger the better, to squirt out all the other dude's sperm.
And then with the hood of the hooker, it pulls it out.
And then you shoot your own in there.
brendan schaub
This is intense.
joe rogan
It's intense, but that's the design of the human being.
brendan schaub
Everyone's dick is a plunger.
joe rogan
Yeah, everyone's digging the plunger.
bryan callen
A plunger and a hook.
joe rogan
And that's real.
brendan schaub
Are there any anteaters in here?
Anyone have a hood hanging over their dick?
joe rogan
Not me.
unidentified
No?
brendan schaub
Me neither.
joe rogan
Joey Diaz has one.
brendan schaub
You know what?
I didn't know this, but in England, most of them have the hoods.
I didn't know that.
joe rogan
Well, it should be.
It's genital mutation.
I agree.
It really is.
brendan schaub
Because my coach, Tony Jeffries, in Santa Monica, he's having a baby.
I said, man, if it's a boy, you're going to cut the hood off, right?
It's weird to leave it on there.
He goes, no!
He goes, who cuts their hood off?
I go, Uh, everybody?
Haven't you ever seen a portal?
bryan callen
But they do say that you're better at keeping...
joe rogan
No studies.
No studies whatsoever.
All junk science.
All horseshit.
All propaganda.
You know, a lot of it is...
brendan schaub
A religious thing, right?
joe rogan
It's a little bit of a religious thing, but it's also, I believe that they're preparing for a giant backlash of babies who've had their dicks sliced.
Because if circumcision was proven to be genital mutilation and stopped, then guess what you opened the door for?
unidentified
Lawsuits!
joe rogan
If everybody just decides to go apeshit on the American Medical Association or anybody who allowed essentially a non-beneficial genital mutilation to be the norm.
To be the norm.
brendan schaub
For real.
joe rogan
Do you know what kind of backlash there would be?
This is not a propaganda or rather a conspiracy theory sort of an idea.
This is the reality of what's going on.
Genital mutilation on a wide scale that's completely unnecessary that has no health benefit.
brendan schaub
What's weird is in a locker room, NFL, college locker room, if you had a hood, you were the outcast.
We made fun of your dick.
But Tony was saying in England, if you didn't have a hood, you got made fun of.
bryan callen
I bet.
brendan schaub
It's weird, right?
bryan callen
Well, one's natural and the other's not, right?
joe rogan
Yeah, well, it's also like we were talking about with the plates and the lip and all that shit.
It's just whatever the culture decides is the norm.
And the culture's decided that cutting your dick...
unidentified
That has to hurt.
brendan schaub
It has to hurt the baby.
bryan callen
I think, though, you have a better chance of not contacting, like, gonorrhea and things like that.
brendan schaub
I think that's all false.
bryan callen
Is that true?
joe rogan
There is no medical society in the world that has recognized any real health benefits to circumcision.
It's all bullshit.
Not only that, the risks include infection, hemorrhage, scarring, difficulty urinating, loss of part or all of the penis, and even death.
Circumcision complications can also and do occur even in the best clinical settings.
brendan schaub
I think the producer's back here.
You're a little too smiley over there, fellas.
You got some hoods back here?
joe rogan
More than one baby this decade has died in New York because the rabbis, these really heavy religious Jewish dudes, insist on using the mohel, who uses the traditional method of circumcision, where they circumcise the baby and then suck its penis to stop the bleeding.
And these rabbis have had herpes.
I feel sick.
And given herpes to the babies.
They refuse to stop this because this is a religious procedure.
There's moyels online, rabbis online, they're doing these videos on like the Jewish name for what that procedure is and how it's written in the Torah and this is why you should do it that way.
unidentified
I feel sick.
joe rogan
And this is why it's a traditional way.
Yeah, could you imagine?
Here's the test that the universe has given you.
We're all following different patterns.
I mean, Brian, you've got a nice golf shirt on.
I have Converse All-Stars.
We're all following patterns, right?
Here's the pattern.
The pattern is, there's a fucking ancient religion that was written back when people thought the world was flat.
All the fucking rules were written down on animal skins and fucking chicken scratch that you can't even read today.
And it says you could suck baby dicks.
You cut their dicks and then you suck them.
Could you imagine?
Imagine if that didn't exist and you tried to propose that today.
bryan callen
Why does that say that in the end?
Is that true?
joe rogan
Abso-fucking-lutely.
bryan callen
That's what Moyle's doing.
joe rogan
I will show you a video.
You want to see a video?
bryan callen
Yeah, but is that in the Old Testament?
joe rogan
Play a video where the Moyle explains about sucking a penis after circumcision.
It's one of the most horrific things...
bryan callen
Are you sure this isn't the internet or this is a...
joe rogan
No, no, no, no.
Ari told me too.
I talked to Ari about it who was raised incredibly religious.
Ari studied the Torah 12 hours a day and he watched all this shit and he said, yeah, what the guy's saying is true.
brendan schaub
He's seen it?
joe rogan
I don't know if he's seen it, but I bet it happened to him.
bryan callen
One of the things that John Durant, who wrote the Paleo Manifesto, did my podcast, talked about was the Old Testament with the obsession of washing.
He calls Moses the first microbiologist, the idea of a guy who...
They were obsessed with keeping things clean.
joe rogan
I don't know.
Find out if the guy's talking about it.
I mean, read the descriptions or listen to it.
The guy's talking about sucking on a penis.
I'll tell you right now.
Just pull up.
Circumcision rabbi sucking penis.
I bet you'll find it.
brendan schaub
I don't have any kids.
If I did, the doctor touched my kid's dick.
He's getting...
joe rogan
Well, a doctor is supposed to touch a kid's dick to make sure everything's okay.
brendan schaub
Not with his mouth, son!
joe rogan
This guy, first of all, A, he's not a doctor.
He's a fucking religious nut.
He's a cult member.
That's what that guy is.
I mean, if there was no religious...
brendan schaub
That's extreme.
joe rogan
That's not extreme at all.
If there was no religion, if religion didn't exist, and some guy came along and dressed like a fucking spaceman and wanted to suck baby dicks, he'd be like, well, that guy's in a cult.
But because it's around for a thousand years, it's not a cult?
Oh, it's a religion.
It's a fucking cult.
Anytime you can get people to adhere to an ideology, that you have to look to the stars to find your fucking answers in some magical man who has rules like not mixing meat with milk and cutting baby dicks.
bryan callen
A lot of those rules, John Durant just wrote this book.
A lot of those rules were very practical back in the day.
Not eating pork was because you didn't want to get trichinosis.
Sexual laws, the restrictions on sex were just because you didn't want to catch syphilis and things back in the day.
joe rogan
There's no cutting and baby dick sense.
bryan callen
I don't know anything about that.
joe rogan
Cutting, sucking, baby dick, all that doesn't work.
bryan callen
I know that comes from Moses when he cut his own penis to show his subservience to God in the Old Testament.
That's a very weird way to...
brendan schaub
You ever had a friend break a dick?
joe rogan
I heard of that before.
brendan schaub
Had a friend break a dick.
Had to rush him to the emergency room.
joe rogan
Does it ever get fixed totally or is it always kind of hooked?
brendan schaub
It kind of curves to the left a little bit.
His balls literally internal bleeding filled up.
It looked like purple gecko skin.
joe rogan
That's why you gotta be careful with crazy bitches.
You gotta get double underhooks on crazy bitch.
brendan schaub
You do, man.
joe rogan
If a crazy bitch is riding you, you gotta hold their ass, but like a firm Muay Thai, you know how you got that plum?
Like a plum.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
You can't just do this, because if you do this, there's too much lateral room.
unidentified
Yep.
joe rogan
This room feels too much.
bryan callen
Keep her down.
brendan schaub
I got to tell a story.
joe rogan
You got a baby gable grip, the lower hips.
That's a good move, too.
brendan schaub
My buddy is huge.
You've met this guy.
I'm not going to say his name on air.
This guy's 6'6", 270, shredding.
joe rogan
I'm giving away his weight.
People are going to figure out who he is.
brendan schaub
Nah, they won't figure out who he is.
So he tells me, he goes, bro, this girl wants it so hard.
He goes, I don't know what to do.
I go, how hard?
He goes, I'm going to film it next time.
unidentified
I don't know.
brendan schaub
So he films it, and it's one of the most disturbing videos I've ever seen.
I mean, he's getting air, like, wham!
Wham!
I'm like, dang!
A week later, he calls and he goes, dude, get over here.
I rush over.
He's on the ground, butt naked.
I go, what's the matter?
He goes, that video I showed you, I was backing up, missed.
My penis hit her ass cheek.
unidentified
Oh!
brendan schaub
Broke his dick.
bryan callen
Oh my god!
brendan schaub
So this is what I tell him.
I go, bro, this is an easy fix, right?
I have no idea how to handle this.
bryan callen
Dr. Schaub.
brendan schaub
Yeah, Dr. Schaub in the house.
Big Brown Dr. Schaub in the house.
I know, this is an easy fix.
I'm going to step out of the room.
You put a little porno on.
You get erect, we're just going to line it right back up.
You can line it right back up.
bryan callen
Just like you fix a broken nose, right?
joe rogan
That's a great strategy.
unidentified
Right?
brendan schaub
Right?
It makes sense.
joe rogan
That's a great strategy.
unidentified
I walked out of the room.
brendan schaub
Ten minutes later, I hear...
unidentified
I'm like, oh shit.
brendan schaub
So I call my doctor, buddy.
I'm like, yo man, my buddy was hooking up with this girl.
Broke his dick.
He goes, well, are Tesco's big?
I go, yeah, man, they're pretty big.
I go, let me see your Tesco's, man.
Shows me.
These things are the size of a grapefruit and looks like ghetto purple-dotted skin all over.
I rushed him to the merch room because of internal bleeding, and people thought we were just two gays.
You know, we're both big dudes.
bryan callen
Two giant gay men.
brendan schaub
Both big dudes.
I'm not making this up.
I wish I could make this up.
He's straddled in a gurney like this, right?
He's like this.
Things hanging down.
It's filling up.
bryan callen
Talking to the mic.
brendan schaub
This nurse comes in.
Hey, boys.
Flaming, flaming gay guy, right?
Which is whatever.
I'm cool with that.
joe rogan
Right.
brendan schaub
Legs up in a straddle.
If this is his broken penis, this dude's like this.
unidentified
Mm-hmm.
brendan schaub
Yeah.
Yeah, this is pretty bad.
Listen, we'll get a doctor and we'll be right back.
joe rogan
And he's doing that to his balls?
brendan schaub
And I'm like, what is going on here?
Leaves.
Doc comes in.
Old dude.
I'm like, oh, thank God.
Doc comes in and he goes, yeah, man, this is really bad.
Yeah, the nurse was kind of, you know, he's grabbing him, man, and saying how bad he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
A nurse physically touched his penis.
I go, touched.
unidentified
It was like a freaking telescope.
brendan schaub
This guy was, I mean, nose deep on his dick.
And he goes, wow, I need to get the name of that guy because that is not code here.
joe rogan
That guy just came in a dick scan.
bryan callen
He's not even a nurse.
Probably not even a nurse.
unidentified
Probably not even a nurse.
bryan callen
Let me borrow that white jacket.
I'll give you $500 for that white jacket.
joe rogan
He's got an app on his phone, and when anybody gets administered to the hospital with a broken dick, he fucking shows up, puts on his lab clothes big and heavy.
brendan schaub
This urologist comes in, and I go, I gotta be honest, man.
How did you get into basically majoring in dicks?
Like, what road did you go down?
And he said in Egypt or someplace in Egypt where there's a religion.
They might be Muslim, I'm not sure, but they get erections.
They think it's Satan's work and they break their dicks.
bryan callen
That's not Muslim religion.
That might be...
brendan schaub
Well, no, it's an extremist Muslim.
He was saying they're Muslim.
bryan callen
It just sounds like a dumb person.
joe rogan
Well, whatever it is, it's another crazy call.
brendan schaub
But he was saying, and these guys need help, so he got into it because he was exposed to it.
So these guys think it's Satan's work, the devil's work.
They get erections.
Snap their dicks.
And a lot of them die from internal bleeding.
They rush doctors down there.
So most urologists go down to this part of the world to fix it.
Anyways, my buddy, he's all good now.
They updated my friend, all good.
They gave him pills so he couldn't get an erection for six weeks and his dick was in a splint.
bryan callen
Really?
A splint?
joe rogan
A splint.
So now it just has a hook.
A slight hook or a big one?
Is it noticeable?
brendan schaub
Oh, it's definitely noticeable.
bryan callen
What's that operation?
You can cut the tendon and it makes your dick longer?
But sometimes your dick gets hard and it goes straight down sometimes.
That was the complication.
joe rogan
How much longer could it make?
bryan callen
You've got to jerk off downward, huh?
joe rogan
How much longer could it make?
bryan callen
Like an inch to two inches.
Is your dick that small?
Yeah, an inch to two inches.
You can cut a tendon that will actually create more length to your dick.
But the problem was that for whatever reason, the tendon is one of the instrumental tendons in keeping it very erect.
brendan schaub
You would think they would build some sort of implant for that by now.
They have implants for everything else.
joe rogan
People are so fucking weird.
We're so weird that we'd be willing to cut our dick to stretch it out an inch.
bryan callen
Well, you know, guys, if you could get fake dicks, it's like the way women get fake tits.
Guys would be walking around with 15-inch dicks.
joe rogan
No, they wouldn't because women wouldn't want it.
See, there's a big difference.
That's why guys aren't allowed to wear toupees.
And girls can wear wigs.
We don't give a fuck.
Girls can have fake tits.
Who cares?
If a guy has fake shoulders...
Imagine if a guy was walking around with fucking fake shoulders, and you're like, oh my god, I love your shoulders, and you're like, squanch, squanch.
They're like fucking fake tits.
bryan callen
They sell shirts like that.
They do?
Yeah.
joe rogan
They sell shirts like that.
unidentified
You've looked into it.
brendan schaub
You've looked into it.
bryan callen
I did a World's Dumbest, and it was one of the inventions.
Oh, that's hilarious.
joe rogan
Well, they have pants that women wear that suck everything tight to their ass.
brendan schaub
Spanx.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what they're called, right?
bryan callen
They're all made in millions.
joe rogan
But isn't that crazy?
Women can have fake tits.
Women can have a lot of fake things.
bryan callen
Hair extensions.
brendan schaub
Does not bother me at all.
joe rogan
We don't care because we're trying to fuck as many of them as possible.
That's what the monkey DNA wants to do.
So when the monkey has no problem with the fake tits, they're like, that's great for now.
Let's go!
Or they're like, hey, I like it.
It fucking sticks out the way I like it.
Your DNA is so scrambled.
Whereas the woman looks at you with your fake shoulders like, aww.
That's weak shit.
Motherfucker can't even grow a shoulder!
Oh, you're not coming in me!
bryan callen
Women want utility.
You've got to be able to get the job done.
They want utility.
Men like things that are static, that look good, that we can grab and fuck.
But women need...
I mean, I'm saying evolutionarily, I would imagine women need...
You've got to go out there and actually hunt something while I'm taking care of the kids.
And if you've got fake shoulders, they're going to help you catch that deer shit.
joe rogan
Well, not only that, you're like a weak person that's not able to, like...
Completely look at reality.
brendan schaub
This is why you can see a hot chick with a pretty crappy dude.
You never can see a great looking dude with a real ugly girl.
joe rogan
That's true.
Well, you do if he's gay.
But you also see these guys that are with these girls and the girl is way better looking than the guy.
brendan schaub
Younger, probably.
joe rogan
He's a sugar daddy.
Yeah, you see that a lot.
bryan callen
Yeah, but a lot of times women are attracted to a guy because he's good at something.
Like, if a guy's really good at something and he's not that good looking, women find that very attractive.
So, you get a guy who's just...
brendan schaub
Someone's older!
unidentified
No, but you get a guy who's Someone's older!
brendan schaub
No, I mean, if you're like really funny and you got really good skill, man, you can still get those young girls and they're naturally into you.
unidentified
Wrong!
Wrong!
brendan schaub
Because Billy, who works at the arcade, who's jacked, has no skill.
She's going to take Billy that works at the arcade over you who has a skill.
joe rogan
You say that, but then you see David Spade with a dime.
bryan callen
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know?
brendan schaub
Because he's funny.
joe rogan
Yeah, and he's also rich and famous.
bryan callen
Funny, rich, you know, good at something.
brendan schaub
Fame's tough.
Fame is different.
There are a lot of good rock and rollers.
joe rogan
That's when you get the chicken heads.
brendan schaub
That's where chicken heads come in.
bryan callen
There are a lot of guys not looking back and playing.
brendan schaub
Yeah, chicken heads.
joe rogan
What's that mean?
brendan schaub
Chicken heads, like girls, just fame.
You know, girl, they're just bimbos, you know what I'm saying?
joe rogan
Oh, chicken heads.
brendan schaub
Chicken heads.
joe rogan
But you said that as if we would know what you mean.
Oh, yeah.
brendan schaub
I thought you would!
Did you know what he meant?
Chicken heads?
bryan callen
I've heard him use the expression before, but it is a weird expression.
joe rogan
Chicken head is a female who likes cock.
A female who likes giving head.
This is in the Urban Dictionary.
bryan callen
A dance move.
joe rogan
Bobbing up and down like a chicken, and it's a dance move.
Well, Brendan Schaub's got his own definition of chicken head.
brendan schaub
Yeah, there you go.
joe rogan
I get it.
bryan callen
But if a guy can play the guitar really well and he's not that good looking, he's getting laid.
joe rogan
Amy Schumer had a strange thing we were talking about last night, being a girl.
She was talking about how being a girl sucks because you have an expiration date on the time where people want to fuck you.
brendan schaub
For sure.
joe rogan
And it's running.
It's like a clock that's running from the moment you realize that sex is important until nobody wants to fuck you anymore.
Ready?
Go.
TikTok, TikTok, TikTok.
bryan callen
I heard my grandmother talking about how devastating it was the first time she realized men stopped looking at her.
She said she realized she was finally old when she walked by a group of construction workers and not one of them looked up.
And she said that was when...
And she was with other older women and they all went, yep, I remember that day too.
And I remember my heart broke when I was about 15 or 16 and I remember looking at it and I went, man, that's a tough day.
joe rogan
Meanwhile, Sophia Loren...
brendan schaub
I had some girl tell me, don't waste my time because I'm in my prime.
I have three more years left.
bryan callen
She's smart.
joe rogan
Don't waste my time.
I had a girl tell me I wasted a year of my life with you when I didn't want to keep dating.
I was like, okay.
Now I go, you just totally let me know that I made the right decision.
unidentified
For sure.
brendan schaub
When they say that, yes.
joe rogan
I thought we dated and went to dinner and had a lot of fun.
And I thought, just like all my other friends, I enjoyed your company.
I didn't know that you were investing.
brendan schaub
Yeah.
joe rogan
We're fucking in our 20s, you know?
I was like 23 or something like that.
I was like, I wasted it.
Jesus Christ, this is crazy.
bryan callen
Because a lot of girls are raised to think, you know, you've got to...
I mean, even my own mother, who's a really smart woman, said to my sister when she went to get her MBA, she went, hey, listen, you're going to get your MBA. That's great.
Work on your MRS as well, you know?
joe rogan
What's that?
Oh, Mrs. Oh, God.
brendan schaub
Well, I tell Brian all the time.
Well, we talk about this.
Me and Brian talk about relationships all the time.
I'll talk to Brian.
I'm like, man, I'm a little stressed out.
Shouldn't I be having kids or doing something here?
Shouldn't I be coming home with a wife making food and stuff?
And Brian goes, no, man.
That's what society wants you to do.
That's the norm.
That's what everyone...
joe rogan
Yeah, I've had this conversation with people who ask me because they know I love having kids.
And they go, do you think that everyone should have a kid?
If I didn't have a kid, would I still be happy?
And I said, absolutely not everybody shouldn't have a kid.
I go, you can be a great person, have a great life, infect a great amount of people around you, be a joy to be around, contribute every step of the way, be a great example, inspire people, and never have kids.
bryan callen
100%.
joe rogan
You don't have to.
It doesn't make you better, but people take this goddamn self-righteous attitude when they do have kids, and I resent it.
bryan callen
Me too.
joe rogan
And I have kids, and I love my kids.
I would never trade being a father for anything.
It's a fantastic experience.
bryan callen
But have a kid when you are ready, and have a kid if you feel something's missing.
Or don't.
How about this?
joe rogan
Or don't.
bryan callen
Or don't.
joe rogan
It doesn't matter.
It's a great thing for me.
I enjoy it, but you don't have to.
I know a lot, like my friend Chris Ryan, Dr. Chris Ryan who wrote Sex at Dawn.
He made a conscious decision when he was younger.
No kids.
He wanted to travel the world.
He lived in Barcelona.
I mean, he wrote books.
He decided he had a life that he wanted to live.
brendan schaub
You ready for this?
It pisses me off when people don't like kids.
joe rogan
Really?
unidentified
Why?
brendan schaub
No, my brother don't like kids and it drives me nuts.
bryan callen
Why does it drive you nuts?
Because he loves them.
brendan schaub
Give something back, man.
You put on this earth to procreate.
Give something back.
joe rogan
Oh, I don't know about all that.
Why are you put on this earth to procreate?
brendan schaub
For the exact same reason, homeboy, before they were all dying, was building the population.
bryan callen
Not everybody has that much to offer.
How about somebody who is basically unhappy with their life?
Should they have kids?
Damn it!
brendan schaub
Too much stevia again.
joe rogan
Yeah, watch how I do, bro.
This is the super stuff.
That's what I do.
There's more of these.
unidentified
Grab another one.
joe rogan
The whole formula, man.
Grab another one, man.
Callan ain't gonna drink all this.
He doesn't even drink it.
He gave up already.
He's falling asleep.
Look at him over there.
bryan callen
I'm all sensitive.
I have one cup.
I'm like, ooh, I feel shaky.
joe rogan
I know what you're saying.
brendan schaub
You know what I'm saying?
joe rogan
That you think that there's a good thing to do if you're a good person.
brendan schaub
Well, I just don't like people like, well, I like clothes.
I like shopping.
I like my vacations.
I don't want kids.
joe rogan
Why is that bad?
brendan schaub
You know what?
Lose my number.
You're not my friend anymore.
unidentified
Whoa.
joe rogan
How dare you?
brendan schaub
Yeah.
joe rogan
But why is that bad?
Why do you care what other people like and don't like?
unidentified
I don't know.
brendan schaub
I just care, man.
I don't know.
unidentified
It bothers me.
joe rogan
That doesn't make any sense.
brendan schaub
Especially if they're close to me.
joe rogan
You know what drives me nuts, man?
If people hate kids.
There's something about women hating kids.
I wrote this on Twitter once that I view women who don't like kids the same way I view dogs who like to eat their own shit.
And then this male feminist guy wrote this huge blog about it.
unidentified
That's a pretty aggressive thing to say.
joe rogan
I should have said hate.
I said don't like, so he connected it to the only reason why women exist in his world is to have children.
Added a bunch of stupid shit that I don't believe at all to reinforce this idiotic point.
You're writing a blog about a tweet, you fucking idiot.
unidentified
True.
joe rogan
You know, that's what you're doing.
By the way, he's an academic, too.
brendan schaub
First of all, for you singles out there, red flags if a girl likes cats, doesn't like dogs, and doesn't like kids.
joe rogan
Yeah.
All red flags.
brendan schaub
Carry on.
joe rogan
In some people's lives, in some people's lives, it's a good thing.
If you want a chick that doesn't like kids and you don't like kids...
brendan schaub
If she doesn't like kids, she's probably pretty selfish, my man.
joe rogan
Could be.
You're right.
brendan schaub
No, no.
unidentified
100%.
joe rogan
Or most likely, most likely, you're right.
bryan callen
Or she's into something, or she's just into...
unidentified
What she's into.
brendan schaub
Or she's into yoga and makes $8 a day.
bryan callen
Look, not everybody has to want children.
joe rogan
Well, yeah, it could be also that she has some sort of a really demanding occupation.
She could be a doctor.
bryan callen
Or she had a really bad childhood.
Or she had a really bad childhood.
brendan schaub
Again, you guys are talking about the exception.
In general...
In general, she doesn't want kids.
joe rogan
But you say someone who has a really good career or a demanding career today, that's not really the exception that much.
There's a lot of women who have very demanding careers today.
bryan callen
Yeah, and very fulfilling careers.
joe rogan
You don't run into them?
bryan callen
I do.
joe rogan
Look at Brendan just made the, like I just farted.
brendan schaub
You know what?
In LA, yeah, they're everywhere.
I mean a model, actress, I mean...
joe rogan
Listen to what you just said right there.
What are you pulling from?
You're not like getting regular women.
brendan schaub
Well, I live in LA, man!
joe rogan
I understand.
brendan schaub
I get what you're saying.
joe rogan
Let's broaden our horizons and try, even though we're three men here.
brendan schaub
I'm talking from Brendan Schaub and Marina Del Rey.
I'm not talking about from the world.
joe rogan
And Brendan Schaub and Marina Del Rey looks at people that don't want to have kids and is like, fuck you.
Who's my number?
brendan schaub
There you go.
100%.
And Brendan Shaw goes, hey, I'm Kelly.
I love cats.
I have eight cats.
I hate kids and I hate dogs.
I'm like, cool.
Over.
Red flag.
joe rogan
That's a little extreme.
That not liking dogs thing is a weird thing because it's like, unless you're allergic to them, that I understand.
brendan schaub
I agree.
joe rogan
If it's like a nurture thing, like you don't like animals that like you or need you.
I like my cat because I can push it away.
It never cries.
I just leave food.
I go out of town for the weekend.
I just leave food.
bryan callen
That's a personality trait.
I love dogs.
Somebody one time explained to me what a dog is.
I read this article about how dogs evolve to be really friendly.
And that's how they...
joe rogan
It was on Cosmos.
It was on Cosmos.
bryan callen
And when I read that, I was like, maybe I don't like my dog as much as I used to.
I used to really be like, my dog's like a human.
I talk to him.
Now I'm like, nah, you're a dog.
You're manipulating me.
joe rogan
I'm not manipulating you.
unidentified
I know.
joe rogan
They're born into shitty circumstances.
bryan callen
For a little while, I lost a little of my affection.
joe rogan
I love dogs, man.
brendan schaub
Love them, man.
joe rogan
I'll never not have dogs.
My wife's allergic to dogs.
I'm like, tough shit.
We're having dogs.
We'll have dogs.
brendan schaub
Does she take medication or shots?
joe rogan
No, she just doesn't hug them.
As long as she doesn't hug them, it's fine.
It's not severe.
brendan schaub
Really?
joe rogan
Yeah, and if she hugs him, she gets red marks on her arms.
It's very common.
No, but some people, man, like Gary Valentine, a buddy of mine, you know Gary, comic?
He couldn't come over my house because I have cats.
bryan callen
Oh, yeah.
brendan schaub
Oh, you have cats?
joe rogan
I have cats and dogs.
brendan schaub
Dang, Doug.
joe rogan
Yeah, I love animals.
brendan schaub
I do too, but not cats.
joe rogan
You don't like cats?
brendan schaub
I'm allergic to them.
joe rogan
Oh, well there you go.
bryan callen
I never had a cat.
joe rogan
Gary couldn't even walk in the house.
His voice, his pipe would start shrinking up.
He couldn't breathe.
unidentified
He, he, he, he.
Wow.
joe rogan
You talk about, like, it'd make him whistle.
brendan schaub
Yeah, I can't touch my eyes.
If I came over your house, I can't touch my face because my eyes are swollen shut.
joe rogan
Wow.
bryan callen
I'm allergic to nothing.
joe rogan
How about think about that?
What a weird response that is.
Normal shit for other people, like a bag of peanuts, given to some people, and it's death.
bryan callen
Well, how about, I was eating a lot of Brazil nuts, and then for whatever reason, the inside of my mouth, well, yeah, not me, get this, the inside of my mouth would swell up to the point where I was like, why is the inside of my mouth, literally, and it got worse and worse.
And then I was like, what the hell's going on?
So my mother comes over and she goes, those are Brazil nuts.
I go, yeah.
She goes, you know if I eat one, I would die.
And I went, what do you mean?
She goes, I can't even eat.
She said, no, she ate half a Brazil nut that was in a salad a long time ago and she had to be rushed to the hospital.
joe rogan
Why didn't this bitch tell you?
bryan callen
Right.
joe rogan
Sorry to call your mom a bitch.
bryan callen
What I realized is that I'm clearly allergic to Brazil nuts that I was eating wolfing down.
I mean, wolfing down.
joe rogan
At least partially.
You probably don't have it as bad as her.
No, but when you lack, I guess, an enzyme for certain nuts or whatever, you Yeah, Brazil nuts are high in zinc, I think.
brendan schaub
Have you ever had your blood type tested for what you're allergic to?
bryan callen
I want to do my genome.
brendan schaub
I did a whole diet where they tested your blood type to see what you're allergic to and said I'm allergic to egg yolk and that's really it.
joe rogan
Yeah, nuts.
That's crazy.
Brazil nuts actually can increase your testosterone.
bryan callen
That's why I was eating them.
The trainer told me to take them in my shake.
brendan schaub
Really?
A mass amount of them?
joe rogan
Supposedly, super fucking healthy for you.
It says it's selenium, apparently.
Also, it helps lower your LDL or bad cholesterol, reduces the incidence of blood clots and heart disease.
brendan schaub
If I eat a shitload of Brazilian nuts, are they going to be like...
bryan callen
Don't eat a lot of nuts.
brendan schaub
Brendan tested positive for Brazilian nuts.
bryan callen
Don't eat a lot of nuts.
joe rogan
Well, it says here they actually caution limiting yourself to no more than two Brazil nuts per day because they are so loaded and concentrated with selenium that you don't want to overdose.
unidentified
Right.
joe rogan
Copper and selenium are very important minerals, but...
With minerals, balance is really key.
You've got to be real careful with overdosing in certain minerals.
brendan schaub
Well, if I come across Brazilian nuts, I'll take this into account, fellas.
joe rogan
Dose.
Dose daily.
bryan callen
They were selling these mega vitamins.
This guy was talking about how they were selling vitamin E tablets, gel caps, and it was over 3,000 milligrams.
The guy said, you'd have to eat 1,500 almonds to get that much vitamin E. That's too much.
joe rogan
That's a lot of vitamins.
bryan callen
You've got to be careful.
brendan schaub
You can't be an idiot.
It's pretty basic.
joe rogan
But it's easy to be an idiot.
It's easy to be an idiot.
That's what's really weird about the supplement business.
It's very tricky.
What affects certain people doesn't affect other people.
Like with AlphaBrain, for instance.
When we first put AlphaBrain out, we had slightly different ingredients because some people had an adverse reaction.
They would get a headache.
It wasn't a dangerous thing, but it was enough for like, hmm, we've got to back this down a little bit.
And so you've got to be careful with certain reactions that some people have, like you with cats, like you with peanuts.
That's the thing when it comes to vaccinations.
Everybody talks about vaccinations like you're either in the camp.
of you believe that vaccinations are evil and they cause autism or you're in the camp that those people are idiots and they're dangerous and then these anti-vaccine people are really making all these diseases like measles show up in New York City again.
But the reality is that the truth lies somewhere in the middle because yes, vaccines are super important.
They're the reason why we don't have a lot of infectious diseases that wrecked havoc And there's science behind them and it's fascinating that human beings have figured out how to create these things that fight off diseases.
But some people are going to have adverse reactions to everything.
That's the reality of medication.
That's the reality of foods.
That's the reality to environment.
There's some people that can't live in the desert.
brendan schaub
A very small number.
A very small number.
unidentified
You're right.
You're right.
brendan schaub
We're dealing with the masses.
joe rogan
But you're dealing with 300 million people.
For sure, but when you're trying to make money on a supplement...
But what I'm saying is, when you have those small amount of people, if you have 300 million people and all of them get vaccinated, you're going to have 100 people, 1,000 people, you're going to have all these examples of things that went wrong.
And people look at that and go, well, look, there's so many people where things are going wrong.
But what you're not thinking about is the just sheer numbers of people kept from being diseased.
Sheer numbers of people.
How we contain polio.
bryan callen
They think smallpox probably killed 500 million people throughout history.
joe rogan
Yeah, unbelievable.
bryan callen
And it's no longer around.
joe rogan
And we squashed it out through vaccinations.
bryan callen
Polio put so many children on iron lungs and in wheelchairs.
joe rogan
And not only that, they did it in our grandparents' lifetime.
bryan callen
That's right.
joe rogan
You know, incredible, incredible discoveries have been made by science.
But it doesn't mean that some people...
bryan callen
Don't have an adverse reaction.
joe rogan
Some people are going to eat peanuts and they shouldn't.
They're going to die.
It's going to happen every year.
Every year, more than a thousand people die from aspirin.
They take aspirin and they die.
bryan callen
And when you take supplements, make sure you look into the data because a lot of the stuff is not regulated.
So if you're going to take massive doses of whatever it might be, make sure you take a look at the data.
Take a look at the double-blind studies.
See if it bears out.
joe rogan
Well, not only that, it's also when you get a supplement, like say if you're running a supplement company and you're buying vitamin B12, you've got to fucking test the vitamin B12 you get from the source.
Whatever it is, vitamin D, whatever you're getting.
You have to test it.
You have to test it independently because with AlphaBrain, we've had to make sure, we've had in the past, we had problems with manufacturers having like bad mixtures, like the mixtures were off.
bryan callen
With bone meal, when you sell calcium from bone meal has a great deal of lead in it or something like that.
I think it's lead.
unidentified
What is AlphaBrain?
bryan callen
They were finding crazy amounts of lead in bone meal for whatever reason.
I can't remember if that's the exact thing, but it was like a case, a lawsuit.
And the vitamin company was brought up on charges because the source of where they were getting their calcium was very heavy in, I believe it was lead.
unidentified
Wow.
bryan callen
A certain metal.
Yeah.
So you've got to know where it's sourced from, and you've got to know what your body's like.
joe rogan
It's so hard to tell what the fuck's going on in your body.
I told you I was having that problem with, I had arsenic in my blood.
It turned out it was from sardines.
brendan schaub
Damn.
You must have been eating a shitload of sardines.
joe rogan
He's eating a lot of sardines.
brendan schaub
Take it easy on sardines, kid.
bryan callen
Every scientist I've had, like I've talked to on the podcast and stuff, they always come down to one thing.
None of them say meat's bad for you.
unidentified
Can I take these?
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah, take them all.
I take four.
bryan callen
Yeah.
joe rogan
I'm going to get you some of the Shroom Tech.
Shroom Tech is some fascinating shit.
Shroom Tech?
Yeah, it's all cordyceps mushroom.
It's all oxygen utilization.
I'll show you all the data behind it and send it to you.
It was all developed for the Chinese Olympic team.
bryan callen
Really?
joe rogan
Yeah, fascinating stuff.
They found it in high-altitude herding populations as animals that would eat these mushrooms would be more active.
And so the people started observing it and they started cultivating it.
brendan schaub
From hearing you guys talk, it sounds like it should hire you as my nutritionist.
I told you about this lady.
joe rogan
You have a good nutritionist?
brendan schaub
No, Joe.
joe rogan
No, I don't.
bryan callen
This is great.
brendan schaub
No, I don't.
joe rogan
Actually, I don't.
bryan callen
This is a great story.
brendan schaub
I was recommended to this lady.
I'm not going to say her name or where she's at.
I was recommending this lady.
She goes, yeah, so this is what we do.
And she goes, what are you looking to do?
I go, I love to eat clean.
I feel good eating clean.
I'm not looking to lose weight.
I want to stay the same way.
I like to eat healthy.
Perfect.
I deal with a lot of high-level athletes.
I got you.
I'm not making this shit up.
I showed Brian.
This bitch gave me chili cheese fries for breakfast.
Chili cheese fries and rice was for my breakfast.
I took a picture of it, emailed her.
I said, I think my order got messed up.
You gotta pick up your meals, right?
I think the order got messed up.
There's cheese...
And chili all over some fries for my breakfast.
She goes, you have a busy day of training.
You're gonna need the calories.
Yeah.
She lasted for a week.
Come on, Brian.
joe rogan
Why did you keep her for a week?
bryan callen
What about the meeting?
What was the meeting like?
unidentified
I can't remember what she said.
joe rogan
Chili cheese fries.
brendan schaub
Chili cheese fries.
joe rogan
Fucking crazy bitch.
unidentified
Crazy bitch, yeah.
bryan callen
And by the way, in the mail?
In the mail?
My chili cheese fries better be fresh.
I don't want them in the mail.
joe rogan
They don't put them in the mail, they deliver.
unidentified
I get meals delivered.
brendan schaub
Do you Sunfair?
joe rogan
No, I use a private company, a small company.
Sunfair is delicious.
She runs it.
She had a job as a...
I forgot what it was, but she got fired or what have you, and she starts her own food business.
brendan schaub
Well, yeah.
So I got chili cheese fries.
I fired her.
And then it didn't go – we didn't mix right from the start.
Right when we sent – she goes, I was in a rush, right?
I'm like, yeah, I'm here to pick up my meals, blah, blah, blah.
She's like, well, can we just sit down for a while?
I'm like, sure.
So she's like, well, you got to sign this contract.
I'm going over it.
It's like, I have Brendan Schaub for the next 37 days.
Will not eat junk food.
I'm like, yeah, whatever.
Will not drink soda.
Cool.
I don't drink soda.
Third one down, will not drink coffee.
I go, oh, skip that one.
Keep going, will not, will not, cool.
And she's looking at it, going through the page.
She goes, okay, we're good.
Oh, you missed one right here.
And I go, yeah, you're talking about the coffee one?
She goes, yeah.
I go, that ain't happening.
She goes, excuse me?
I go, I mean, we can get into this if you want, but there's clinical studies that show coffee helps out with workouts.
And I mean, it's not bad for you if you do in moderation.
She goes, well, then I don't know.
I go, Well, I'll tell you right now, it's not going to work out.
I'll walk at her right now and she goes, alright, I'll make one exception.
And then just right there, I was like, God, this is not going good.
Yeah.
I don't work with her anymore.
Long story short, she got fired.
joe rogan
Chili cheese fries should have fired her.
That shit's ridiculous.
Weird.
You should be eating fruit and vegetables, not chili fucking cheese fries.
unidentified
Yeah, man.
brendan schaub
Chili cheese fries with rice.
Because she said I needed the calories.
joe rogan
Oh my god, she's so retarded.
This is pre-workout.
Has she ever worked out hard a day in her life?
Do you know what kind of throw-up and shit would come out of your body if you ate chili cheese fries and then did a strength and conditioning workout?
Did box jumps and kettlebells and battle ropes with chili running through your bowels?
brendan schaub
You ready for this?
bryan callen
Good luck!
brendan schaub
I have to be one of the only heavyweights who's on a diet like this.
It's called an alpha diet.
I don't eat breakfast.
I do bulletproof coffee and MCT oil and I hit the ground running.
I don't eat until about 2. You juice though, right?
bryan callen
Don't you juice in the morning?
brendan schaub
Vegetable juice, yeah.
joe rogan
Well, that's something too.
You'd be amazed at how much butter and MCT oil.
The reason why this bulletproof blend works is because you have the healthy fats connected to the caffeine.
It's a slow burn of the caffeine.
But you can't get over the actual calories.
I mean, someone should take one of these things and find out how much like a thermos this bitch is calorically with that much butter and that much MCT oil.
I bet it's quite a bit.
bryan callen
Oh yeah.
joe rogan
Eating a funka and hunk of butter takes you a while for your body to digest those fats.
brendan schaub
That's what I'm burning.
joe rogan
It's easy, though.
It's a great way to work out.
To drink that stuff in the morning because you feel full, you have energy, and yet you still get a good workout in.
bryan callen
What about eating a sugar source before you work out?
What would be good?
Fruits.
joe rogan
Nothing's better than fruits.
bryan callen
So not pancakes or something like that?
joe rogan
No, no, no.
That's terrible for you.
bryan callen
Even if you're doing endurance sports?
joe rogan
Gluten is a tricky thing, man, because if you have a bad reaction to gluten, you're going to have all sorts of issues.
And even if you don't have a bad reaction to gluten, the studies are showing pretty clearly that it causes inflammation.
And it may be fine, but with a lot of people, you get this bloated appearance.
I've seen people go from wheat to no wheat, and then their face shrinks in, their body looks different.
It's like your body's...
It's inflamed.
And it's a lot of weird calories.
It's calories where your body's breaking down glue.
It tastes great.
I love lasagna.
I love pasta.
I love delicious bread.
brendan schaub
It's great.
joe rogan
You go to an Italian restaurant and you smell it and you put some butter on that.
brendan schaub
Me and Brian like a nice cheese plate.
A little bread, a little cheese plate.
joe rogan
Cheese plate's nice.
brendan schaub
Yeah, it is.
joe rogan
The problem is gluten is just not a smart choice.
If you're thinking about what you're going to put in your body, why fuck around with that?
You could have lettuce, and you can have all sorts of delicious greens, and you could have fresh meats.
You're going to have a good...
Your body's going to have good nutrients.
It's going to have what it needs.
When you're having gluten or pasta or anything like that, you're just giving it a nice, delicious taste.
And if that's what you're cool with, that's cool.
You know, you're just out on a date, want to have a delicious meal.
But if you want performance food for your body, you really shouldn't fuck with anything that's complicated.
brendan schaub
You want it clean, burning.
joe rogan
Exactly.
brendan schaub
In and out.
unidentified
Sweet potatoes.
joe rogan
Chicken breasts, sweet potatoes, yams, fish.
You know, if you can get some game.
You get some fucking deer, buffalo.
Buffalo meat.
Yeah.
You know what else is good?
Lamb.
Lamb is very easy to digest.
unidentified
Brian would shut up.
brendan schaub
Would you guys hunt?
joe rogan
Yeah.
It's so good.
I don't want to shut up about it.
It's so rich in nutrients and vitamins.
brendan schaub
Never had it.
joe rogan
So low in cholesterol.
unidentified
I've got a whole roast, dude.
bryan callen
I'll make a roast.
brendan schaub
You tell me this.
joe rogan
You know, an elk steak, a 12-ounce elk steak, has less cholesterol than a 12-ounce chicken breast.
brendan schaub
You need the shit out of that steak.
bryan callen
Nothing better than elk steak.
joe rogan
It's so good for you, too.
It tastes so good.
It's like almost got a sweet taste to it.
It's a dark red meat.
Oh, elk tenderloin on a grill?
unidentified
It's as good as it gets.
joe rogan
It's so good.
bryan callen
Steve Brunel has eaten every meat, including mountain lion, and he goes...
joe rogan
Elk's the best.
bryan callen
And he goes, yeah, he said, if I had to eat one meat every day, it'd be elk.
joe rogan
Yeah, a lot of people think that.
And it's a giant animal.
brendan schaub
Never had elk.
joe rogan
You should be a hunter.
You'd love it.
brendan schaub
Nah, man.
I don't like guns.
bryan callen
I sent a picture of the deer I shot.
joe rogan
You don't have to go, Don.
We could use bow and arrow.
Do it like a man.
unidentified
I'd be down for that.
joe rogan
Will you be down for that?
brendan schaub
Oh, yeah.
joe rogan
Let's do it.
The three of us, bow hunting, Tohono Ranch.
brendan schaub
I'd be down for that.
joe rogan
I bet you would be down for that.
bryan callen
Naked and afraid, too.
joe rogan
I'm doing this thing.
brendan schaub
Are we naked?
joe rogan
I'm doing this thing.
No, no, no.
We're going to wear our clothes.
brendan schaub
No, have you ever seen naked and afraid?
joe rogan
I'm going to wear extra clothes just because you said that.
brendan schaub
Have you ever seen naked and afraid?
joe rogan
Yes, I have.
I love it.
brendan schaub
I think I would...
Wreck shop on that show.
joe rogan
I think you'd do fine until you got your dick bit by a spider and then you'd cry.
bryan callen
There you go.
joe rogan
No.
brendan schaub
Because I'm covering myself in mud.
joe rogan
Tohone Ranch, hour and a half north of here.
We stay for a weekend, we film it, we go pig hunting with bows and arrows.
bryan callen
Let's do it!
brendan schaub
I'm so down.
joe rogan
Are you down?
brendan schaub
Wait, just for two days though, right?
joe rogan
Two days.
brendan schaub
Yeah, I'm down.
joe rogan
Saturday and Sunday.
brendan schaub
He doesn't do nature right now.
Hey, and then we spa'd on Sunday, huh fellas?
unidentified
Spot?
joe rogan
Spot each other lifting?
Is that what you're saying?
bryan callen
No, spa.
Spa.
joe rogan
Oh, spa.
brendan schaub
Hot tub, facials.
joe rogan
I got confused.
bryan callen
You know he's a prima donna.
He'll be like, if he's one of the toughest guys on the planet, he misses a meal.
If he's a half hour late to a meal, he's like this.
I'm lightheaded, man.
I'm starving.
joe rogan
Well, you gotta think of what he's doing with his body.
bryan callen
All day.
joe rogan
You can't even imagine.
bryan callen
I'm chilly.
I'm cold.
You guys cold?
brendan schaub
Yeah, I'm a sissy, man.
unidentified
I'm a sissy.
joe rogan
You can't imagine how fucking much he works out.
bryan callen
I know.
joe rogan
You don't take that into consideration?
No, I don't.
Brian, who...
I work out all the time.
Once a week, he might get in a workout.
Once a week.
And he probably Instagrams it.
bryan callen
I work out.
I just work out moderately.
joe rogan
You might work out once a week.
You might go a month with nothing.
unidentified
He's the guy on Instagram that posts beast, bro.
joe rogan
How many days have you gotten the longest without any working out at all?
bryan callen
I work out every single day.
joe rogan
The fuck away from me.
bryan callen
Without question.
joe rogan
I'll come to your house and find you not working out and kill you.
bryan callen
How about this?
brendan schaub
I bet you work out twice a week.
joe rogan
I don't work out every day.
brendan schaub
You box twice a week.
bryan callen
No, but I work out, too.
joe rogan
You don't work out every day.
I don't ever work out every day.
Nobody works out every day.
bryan callen
You need days off.
brendan schaub
Well, I take Sunday off.
joe rogan
I do something almost every day.
Oh, almost.
Now it's almost.
It used to be I work out every day.
brendan schaub
I'll tell you what, though.
Brian's footwork is impressive.
I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
His footwork's impressive.
When I saw I was impressed.
bryan callen
Thank you, buddy.
joe rogan
He's a dancer.
bryan callen
I'm a dancer.
joe rogan
All you have to do is just teach him different moves.
brendan schaub
Build for dance.
joe rogan
Move his feet around.
bryan callen
That's it.
joe rogan
He's got an ollie shuffle.
bryan callen
Tony's a good teacher, man.
Trying to move around with that guy, my God.
The best, man.
Oh, and by the way, I am definitely not...
joe rogan
Are you by the way in?
bryan callen
I'm by the way in.
joe rogan
You just by the way again?
bryan callen
I am definitely not.
You get more tired boxing.
Just try to move around when you're exhausted.
brendan schaub
I can't even focus right now.
Can we...
joe rogan
Are you pulling your cock?
brendan schaub
He has these tight-ass Peter Pan green jeans on, and his piece is just bulging out.
Just sitting, man.
joe rogan
What are you doing?
bryan callen
I'm an American man.
joe rogan
Are you rubbing your cock at all?
bryan callen
No, but whenever I'm around Brennan, a little extra blood flows in.
joe rogan
Well, you know what it is?
It's that same thing that causes men chimps to have bigger balls.
unidentified
Right.
joe rogan
It's like you're around an alpha male.
I have to compete.
bryan callen
I'm trying to compete.
joe rogan
And your dick is like, we better get bigger.
brendan schaub
For sure get your dick out of my face.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's not the way to compete.
bryan callen
For sure and very obviously.
joe rogan
You're mixing it up.
You get confused.
Look at this chimp's balls.
Look at that.
unidentified
Yeah, that's it.
joe rogan
Look at that motherfucker.
bryan callen
Look at the muscles on that chimp.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ.
unidentified
Good luck with that.
bryan callen
Those hands are built for brutality.
joe rogan
Well, totally different tendon structure.
Everything's bigger and thicker.
Everything's ridiculous.
unidentified
God.
joe rogan
That thing weighs 150 pounds and it can throw itself through the air with its arms.
That's insane.
Imagine that.
They grab a branch and just throw themselves through the air and slap that other one like it's Velcro.
And just hang and fucking...
They could be a thousand feet off the ground hanging from a branch.
bryan callen
So weird.
brendan schaub
Joe, do you think you could tear it up on Naked and Afraid?
Me and Brian talk about this all the time.
You wouldn't do well?
joe rogan
No.
brendan schaub
21 days?
joe rogan
Nope.
First of all, the stupidity of it all would insult me as a human being.
Why?
I was so dumb that I was willing to be on a show that was exploiting me to the point of making me naked go through the fucking jungle.
I'd be like, after one day, I'd be like, oh my god, I'm an asshole.
This is who I am.
I'm not Spider-Man.
I'm not fucking Herschel Walker.
I'm naked and afraid.
bryan callen
Day two, he'd be like, this blows.
joe rogan
With dirt on my balls.
And I'm like, this is so stupid.
I'm sleeping on dirt.
There's spiders everywhere.
brendan schaub
I just like the challenge.
I'm not outdoors guy at all.
bryan callen
Hunting with gear like Joe and I did.
With gear.
With tents.
That's a bitch.
brendan schaub
That sounds super boring.
joe rogan
Well, it wasn't boring at all.
It was very exciting.
brendan schaub
Well, that's not what Brian said.
joe rogan
We were out in Montana, nine degrees.
bryan callen
That was scary.
No.
That was fun.
joe rogan
It was really fun.
We went rafting 40 miles down the Missouri River in a place where there's nobody.
I mean, we saw five people in five days.
brendan schaub
I'm down to kill animals with a bow.
Gun does nothing for me.
Guns are super boring.
joe rogan
Gun's a great way to do it because you definitely kill them and you also can get them at a large distance so you can get many more shots.
Like getting up on some animals is super problematic with a bow and arrow.
Like what we did, the kind of hunting that we did, yeah, they starved a lot too.
They also, you know, they had been doing it a long time.
They did pretty well.
They did okay.
brendan schaub
They did pretty well.
joe rogan
There was a lot more buffalo back then.
They didn't have the long-range rifle capabilities that brought down a lot of buffalo.
bryan callen
They would also wait until they got in the water a lot of times.
They'd wait until they'd cross a river and then they'd jump.
brendan schaub
We could do that.
That could be the three of us.
We wait till they get in the water and we start bow and arrow, dude.
joe rogan
I have a Hoyt.
It's a 90-pound draw.
It shoots a 475-grain arrow, which is pretty heavy, at 302 feet per second.
It blows through everything.
It'll blow through a buffalo, an elk, a bear, everything.
unidentified
Boom.
joe rogan
Right through.
Bone.
Everything.
Boom.
It goes through trees.
I shoot it.
If I miss the target and it hit the...
I had the target set up on this fence post.
It blew right through the fence post.
Like a big 2x4 of wood blew right through and out the other side.
A 2x4.
Think about what it would do to a body.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
Yeah.
And so one of those...
You might as well have a gun, but you're going to have to be close enough to hit it.
And shooting anything 20 yards away is tough.
40 yards away is really tough.
Like the difference between when I shoot a target that's 20 yards away and 40 yards away, like the amount of movement that you could do before you release the arrow.
At 20 you got a little bit of wiggle room and then you could release it, but you get to 40 and it's so minute because you're looking at something that's not magnified, your sight, And you're looking at a target that's so small because it's so far away, and you're just keeping that motherfucker right there and then letting it go.
brendan schaub
Don't you find that more exciting than having this gun that basically does it all itself?
It's like a video game.
joe rogan
It's definitely more exciting.
brendan schaub
And this poor animal comes walking through your freaking eyesight.
joe rogan
Here's the problem with that logic, though.
Here's the problem with that logic.
That poor animal will definitely get killed if you have a rifle with a scope.
If you have a rifle with a scope, you're looking at that animal from 200 yards away.
That's a dead animal.
Boom.
You're blowing a hole through that thing.
If that deer is sitting there, it's all in you not fucking up or your gear being off.
I fucked up in Wisconsin.
I dropped my rifle.
I fell on a hill.
And my rifle scope, when they installed the scope, I changed the scope when we got to Wisconsin.
And the guy, when he put the scope on, didn't have it tight.
And when we fell, it was like, you could lose it.
You could move it with your fingers.
And it caused an animal to get wounded.
You don't want that.
And you have way more of a chance of that with bow and arrow.
bryan callen
It's also not as easy as you think.
joe rogan
It's way hard to shoot an animal with a rifle.
Shooting an animal with a bow and arrow is really difficult.
brendan schaub
But we have all this technology now.
I saw the video of you, the three of you just chilling like this one sleeping bag telling jokes.
And this little reindeer came prancing around.
joe rogan
Rainbeer, caribou, they live in Alaska.
brendan schaub
And you had like a bazooka and it came across.
joe rogan
I had a bazooka.
No, it wasn't a bazooka.
It was a cannon and a light of fuse.
bryan callen
We had a helicopter gunship.
joe rogan
Meanwhile, you eat meat, dude.
What are you talking about?
You're just getting something that's tortured all its life and then shoved into a fucking vice and they put a piston to his brain.
brendan schaub
Yo, I'm not against it.
I'm just saying it doesn't seem very exciting.
joe rogan
It's very exciting.
When that animal comes out of the woods and it's like looking around.
bryan callen
When you get an animal in your sights and, first of all, you've been tracking it for three days, four days, and you haven't seen one.
joe rogan
And it's a wild animal.
brendan schaub
I'm just saying if you were tracking it with not technology, it'd be a lot cooler.
joe rogan
Well, here's the thing.
In Montana, where we were, if you were bow hunting, you're fucked.
You're not going to get a close enough shot.
The closest shot I got was 200 yards.
That was the only shot that I got.
I got one deer shot at 200 yards.
That's a long way.
You can't even see that far with a bow and arrow sight.
I mean, the idea that you're going to hold that deer, it's going to look so small when you're looking at it.
It's going to be a lot harder, for sure.
Not even harder.
I don't think anybody's ever done it.
Maybe a few people have done it, but you have to be expert archers to shoot a deer at 210, 220 yards.
But with a rifle, that's common.
It's super common.
You line it up.
It's a magnifying rifle.
You see the deer really clearly.
You lock the cross arrow on his heart, and boom, it's over.
brendan schaub
I think hunting would be a lot more cooler if you were hunting something that could sneak up on you and kill you.
I think that'd be a lot cooler.
joe rogan
The problem with that is...
brendan schaub
Like deer, like deer, oh no, I miss.
It goes prancing away.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, who cares?
joe rogan
So it'd be cooler if your life was in danger.
brendan schaub
Yeah, if that deer had, like, saw you and was like...
bryan callen
Water buffalo, when you shoot a water buffalo, a lot of times they disappear into the tall grass, and you must go into that tall grass and finish them off.
joe rogan
Pull up the video of Cameron Haynes shooting a water buffalo with his bow.
bryan callen
He's waiting for you.
unidentified
With a bow?
joe rogan
My friend Cameron Haynes, who is the guy who got me hooked up with Hoyt, and he's the guy who got me this 90-pound bow.
It's the same bow that he shoots.
So I shot it at my house.
It's so accurate.
I was like, I've got to get one of these things.
It's incredible.
It's so accurate.
It makes me more confident to shoot, because I know that if it hits something, it's...
unidentified
Because it's got sights that are really ridiculous.
joe rogan
And it's just...
Yes.
So look at this.
He snuck up on this 2,000-pound water buffalo in Australia.
bryan callen
And they are dangerous.
joe rogan
Fuck yeah, they are.
Well, try running...
First of all, it runs faster than you, and it weighs 2,000 pounds.
unidentified
That's crazy.
joe rogan
So it only sees movement.
So see how he's not moving?
The reason why he's not moving is because it's stopped, because it's sensed movement.
So then when it goes back to eating, he starts creeping.
bryan callen
Dude, are you kidding me right now?
joe rogan
And this whole process is taking him a long...
This guy?
brendan schaub
This is your boy?
joe rogan
You would love this guy.
unidentified
He's my buddy.
joe rogan
This is your boy?
I'm going hunting with him in June.
unidentified
He looks like he's in shape, too.
joe rogan
He's in very good shape.
He does 28 chin-ups.
That's one of the reasons why he does it, is so he can pull back this monster bow.
Because that bow is...
Most human beings...
I mean, you can pull it back.
Brian can't.
unidentified
I'll do 28 pull-ups.
joe rogan
But you weigh 8 pounds.
brendan schaub
So how did he get this...
joe rogan
So this is a friend of his behind him is filming this.
See, obviously, there's a guy who's holding the camera.
So this is a long, slow process.
You don't have to speed it up.
Leave it alone, Jamie.
This is a long, slow process where he has to wait for this animal to give him a broadside shot, and when the animal's facing him, he can't move at all.
This guy doesn't hunt with rifles.
All he hunts with bows and arrows.
bryan callen
90 pounds.
brendan schaub
This guy's my style.
I like this guy.
joe rogan
He's gangster.
bryan callen
I tried to pull a 60-pound bow and it was really hard.
joe rogan
You're such a bitch.
brendan schaub
I mean, is he going to shoot this thing or is he just trying to steer at the damn thing?
joe rogan
It takes a long time, bro, because if you fuck up, that thing knows you're there and it's running at you.
Essentially, it can't know you're there.
brendan schaub
For sure hide behind the tree.
For sure jump behind the tree.
joe rogan
Here it goes.
Here it goes.
So now the thing is going to give him a broadside shot.
It's close enough.
He's down to about 30 yards.
With a shot, with an animal like this, you want to ensure that you shoot that thing through the fucking heart.
brendan schaub
This is stealing.
unidentified
This is stealing.
joe rogan
No, no, no.
It's faced the wrong way.
It has to go sideways totally because right now it's quartering away so you're only going to hit the shoulder and it might not hit a vital organ so then you've got an angry buffalo with a stick in its arm and then it's running at you and it weighs 2,000 pounds and it runs 40 miles an hour.
Good luck.
brendan schaub
Well, I'm for sure hiding behind those trees.
joe rogan
But look, this thing is waiting so he doesn't move, man, because it's looking at him.
bryan callen
Look at this dude.
joe rogan
So this is a long fucking stalk, man.
This is like a 20-minute stalk where he's standing there with this 90-pound fucking bow in his hand, and he's not moving.
Look, so now it goes back to eating.
bryan callen
This isn't dead.
joe rogan
It's decided that he's nothing to be ashamed or to be concerned with.
bryan callen
Ashamed of?
joe rogan
He's nothing to be ashamed of.
So now look, now he sees it and he pulls it back.
unidentified
Whoops.
Boom.
That thing runs off.
joe rogan
It's got a fucking arrow.
It goes through the side of its arm and right into its heart.
That's why there's so much blood pouring out of it.
bryan callen
Oh, that's why I hit it there.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Well, those animals, you have to know the anatomy of each individual animal because animals have their vitals in different areas.
bryan callen
So it's got an arrow in its heart right now.
joe rogan
Yeah.
So it's going to sit there for a couple seconds and then realize it's done.
brendan schaub
See, I don't like seeing that shit.
I don't like that.
joe rogan
There it is.
It's gonna figure it out.
Any second now, it just drops.
I mean, when you're dealing with an animal that's that big, any other animal, like a North American animal, would be dead.
A bear would be dead, a deer would be dead, anything that's...
But this is just an enormous, gigantic animal.
bryan callen
Are you kidding me right now?
Look at this.
joe rogan
Yeah, and it sort of takes a while to just sort of bleed out, and it wanders off and collapses.
He said he ate it, and he put one piece in his mouth, and he chewed it for half an hour before he could swallow it.
bryan callen
That's some dense muscle.
joe rogan
Not only that, when they were there, they didn't bring any food.
They brought just enough snacks to get them through like a day, and they didn't bring any water.
So they had to boil all this water, and the water all had buffalo piss in it.
So every sip of water they drank was buffalo piss.
The thing fell.
It's done.
bryan callen
Wait, now this was in...
In Australia?
joe rogan
Yeah, Australia.
bryan callen
I didn't know water buffaloes were in Australia.
joe rogan
Well, they're not native.
bryan callen
Oh, okay.
joe rogan
This is what happened.
One of the reasons why they encouraged people to go over there and shoot them, they're a non-native invasive species.
They brought them over there, but they don't have any natural predators.
unidentified
Right.
joe rogan
There's some things that can eat them when they're babies, like crocodile.
Look at the size of that thing, man.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Yeah.
Some things can eat them when they're babies.
Yeah, crocodiles mostly.
bryan callen
By the way, he's jacked.
He's in shape.
joe rogan
Yeah, he's in very good shape.
But like I said, he does all this shit just to train for hunting.
This guy, he runs ultra-marathons.
brendan schaub
He makes a living hunting?
joe rogan
Yeah, he's got a television show and he's sponsored by a bunch of different companies like Under Armour.
He's a famous bowhunter.
But this guy, he does ultra-marathons.
He ran a fucking 100-mile marathon.
brendan schaub
He's a beast.
joe rogan
He's an animal.
That's what he does.
And he does it all bow and arrow style.
bryan callen
That's macho.
That's the alpha male right there.
joe rogan
After you retire, you're going to need an outlet for all this savage aggression you got inside your body, son.
brendan schaub
I'll tell you what I'm not doing.
unidentified
What?
brendan schaub
Waiting six hours and shooting a water buffalo.
joe rogan
You say you're not, man.
brendan schaub
Nah, man.
I'll be doing Ironman marathons.
unidentified
I don't know, though, Brandon.
You like to hang.
bryan callen
You like to hang.
unidentified
I don't see you being...
brendan schaub
I'll hang out with you guys.
I'll drink beers and stuff while you guys are...
unidentified
You'll do a lot of jiu-jitsu, I feel.
joe rogan
When you retire.
brendan schaub
I'm going to do the Worlds actually in May.
In a gi.
joe rogan
Do you like training with a gi?
Do you feel like it helps you in any way?
brendan schaub
I do because if I have a 250 pound black belt on top of me and I can escape his side control or I can control him, when you take off the gi and these guys are trying to punch me, man, it's easy for me.
joe rogan
Really?
That's interesting.
So it's easier to defend because when you're defending with the gi, you have to be more technical?
brendan schaub
Yeah, with the gi, I have so much to worry about.
I have to worry about gi chokes, collar chokes.
The guy can grab me and control me through my gi, you know what I'm saying?
joe rogan
So you feel like it's cross-training?
brendan schaub
Yes, it takes away my explosiveness and my athleticism, and it forces me to use technique.
joe rogan
I've found that with defense for sure.
I get caught in a lot of arm bars with the gi that I would have never got caught with.
unidentified
For sure.
brendan schaub
But also my defense goes through the roof.
joe rogan
Really?
So you play a different game when you start doing that.
You just become much more technical and much more aware of where the positions are.
How flexible are you, man?
brendan schaub
Uh, in certain areas.
Like, my hamstrings are really tight, but pretty flexible.
Yeah.
joe rogan
Do you have a...
Well, I shouldn't ask you this, because someone fighting you might try to exploit it.
brendan schaub
What?
joe rogan
Do you work your guard?
brendan schaub
Yeah.
joe rogan
Some guys are like, fuck it, I ain't gonna be on my back.
brendan schaub
That's stupid.
No.
joe rogan
Yeah.
brendan schaub
Listen, when I get taken down, I've only been taken down twice in the octagon, but I do not care.
The whole game plan, if he trained all this wrestling, still have a tough time taking me down, but if he trained all this wrestling and decided to put me on my back, cool, let's do it.
I'm all game for that.
I don't panic down there.
I'm very comfortable down there.
You've got to remember, my daycare was Shane Carlin on top of me.
I wasn't getting a lot of takedowns.
I was on my back all the time.
joe rogan
That's a crazy way to start your training in MMA. It was horrible.
unidentified
Horrible, man.
joe rogan
So crazy.
brendan schaub
What is it like in Grudge?
Every day he just beat me up non-stop.
joe rogan
That Trevor Whitman seems like a crazy dude, man.
brendan schaub
He's a good dude.
Seems like a very good dude.
Good guy.
I haven't been there in years.
joe rogan
But a maniac.
He had Shane Carwin.
They wanted to have Shane Carwin spar with GSP. And GSP was like, what?
Why would I spar him?
brendan schaub
What are you talking about?
Trevor's a genius when he comes to striking stuff like that.
But I think back on it and...
There's this thing where I felt like I had to prove to everyone I could hang with Shane Carwin.
No matter when we were sparring, that's how my footwork got so good because I'm used to this giant water buffalo, mad water buffalo, chasing me around the octagon.
So I was trying to get out of the way because if he landed right hand, it was a short – I mean, it was not good, man.
It was trouble.
He hit so hard.
joe rogan
He's got a...
brendan schaub
So I got used to that, right?
And I'm moving nonstop.
And then when the bell would go ding-ding with 30 seconds left, literally no matter what we were doing, me and Shane would stop, walk to the middle of the cage, and just rock'em sock'em robots.
joe rogan
Goddamn.
brendan schaub
I did that for three years, and then finally a part of me was like, uh, how about no?
And I shot a double leg on him, and we've never done that again, yeah.
He got super tired, but I think back on my training, I'm like, God, that was stupid.
bryan callen
Even taking him down.
I mean, he's so strong.
joe rogan
He's a big guy.
brendan schaub
Strongest guy ever.
joe rogan
He's a big fucking guy, man.
bryan callen
A lot stronger than you, and you're strong.
brendan schaub
Shane is 100% stronger than me.
Not even close.
joe rogan
He's ridiculously strong.
unidentified
His bone structure is immense.
brendan schaub
His bone structure is just...
He's bigger than Lesnar.
His legs are thick.
Thick ass.
Huge shoulders.
His hands, man.
Before they redid the UFC glove to fit over his hands, Shane's the reason why they changed the glove.
joe rogan
Shane had a 5XL glove.
brendan schaub
They had to cut the glove just to get over his hand.
bryan callen
His hands are so ridiculous.
joe rogan
Yeah, when you shake them, it's like holding on to a ham.
brendan schaub
So what was frustrating to me is, you know, I've always been in love with jiu-jitsu.
Shane would get injured or he'd have to work at a regular job and I was just training full-time.
And I would think I was being so good at jiu-jitsu.
And Shane would come in off a 9-to-5 shift, walk in, like, jiu-jitsu, huh?
Let's do it.
I'm like, I'm going to roll this big dude up.
And he would just shut it all down, man.
joe rogan
When I was training at a mall, he came by and trained one day, and I didn't get to roll with him, but I watched people roll with him, and it was like a child playing with his daddy.
bryan callen
A bear with a dog.
joe rogan
I've never experienced anything like that.
The daddy was just like rolling him over.
brendan schaub
And I go with big guys all the time, but...
None like Shane, man.
joe rogan
Well, he doesn't even look real.
When he walked in the door, if I didn't know him, I was like, what's up, Shane?
But if I didn't know him, I would be like, look at this motherfucker!
He's got legs growing out of his shoulders.
brendan schaub
This is how it happened.
I was like, oh, I want to be a fighter.
I knew Nate Markart.
I looked him up online.
Found out where his academy was in Aurora, my hometown.
I show up there.
Nate's a great guy, right?
He's like, yeah, man, we can do this.
We'll figure it out.
Come tomorrow, there's another big guy.
He only has, like, one fight.
He just started fighting, and he played football, too.
I'm like, oh, cool.
I show up.
It's sparring, right?
I show up, and in walks Shane Carwin at the time is 315 pounds.
Fighting the WC just jacked.
Looked like a silverback gorilla that just found the weight room and does nothing else.
joe rogan
I remember when he was really that big.
There's a picture of him that doesn't even look real.
brendan schaub
It's insane.
And Nate goes, oh, hey, here's the guy I wanted to introduce you to.
And since then, me and Shane sparred, and we just stood toe-to-toe.
Neither one of us knew what we were doing.
Blasting each other in the face.
bryan callen
So you've rolled with guys.
I mean, you had the biggest and the baddest as a training partner forever.
brendan schaub
The best, man.
He was like an older brother.
I couldn't afford private training with Trevor Whitman, and Shane believed in me so much, he paid for my training with Trevor.
joe rogan
Well, for a guy like Shane, having a guy like you around is invaluable, you know?
Trying to find a giant picture of him.
brendan schaub
It was me and him, man.
joe rogan
Me and him.
brendan schaub
He only had, I think, one or two fights at the time.
I had zero.
bryan callen
That's amazing.
joe rogan
Yeah, and he was a really good wrestler as well.
And his issue, really, he had a lot of issues from football.
Health, man.
brendan schaub
Always.
joe rogan
A lot of neck injuries and back injuries.
He had a lot of problems with his back, man.
You know, the body's just not designed to have 300-pound dudes running at you full clip.
brendan schaub
Well, it's also not designed to be 300 pounds in shredded muscle.
It's just not.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's true, too.
brendan schaub
Anyone I know, anyone, and I know a lot of athletes, right?
High-level athletes.
Anyone who's that big, that lean, whether they're natural or not, they're always hurt, they're always hurt, or they're always sick.
For whatever reason, they just have bad immune systems, or they're always getting hurt.
joe rogan
Your body's fighting so much.
brendan schaub
Look at this.
bryan callen
Yeah, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life.
joe rogan
That's when he was at his biggest.
See if you can find that picture, Jamie.
bryan callen
Looks like just a bodybuilder.
joe rogan
Yeah, I googled Shane Carwin huge.
brendan schaub
Bro, sparring days, I used to sit in my car outside the gym.
I was so nervous, man.
Like, dang, I don't want to do this.
joe rogan
Look at that picture.
brendan schaub
Look at him.
joe rogan
Get the fuck out of here.
First of all, does that not look like a gay porn picture.
I mean, that looks like that guy's gonna pull out his hairless cock and stuff it right in your butthole.
bryan callen
He's all shaved down.
joe rogan
Look at him.
unidentified
Shaved down.
joe rogan
I mean, there's no way that guy's not gonna...
brendan schaub
Dude, he's such a monster.
joe rogan
It doesn't even look real.
That looks photoshopped.
brendan schaub
He knocked Gabriel Gonzaga out with just...
unidentified
His arms are so long.
bryan callen
One thing I noticed about him is he's got super long arms.
brendan schaub
Little newsflash, when he fought Frank Mayer, he might have hit mitts, I don't know, three times?
Really?
Yeah, he was hurt.
joe rogan
What was wrong with him?
brendan schaub
His back was getting problems, so he couldn't train a lot.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
That's why he went after him so quick, maybe.
brendan schaub
Got that underhook?
Got that underhook?
joe rogan
And those uppercuts?
unidentified
Boom!
brendan schaub
Dropped him, man.
joe rogan
He was hitting him with lefts, too, right?
brendan schaub
Yeah, left.
Got that right underhook.
joe rogan
Yeah, and he's known for his right hand.
Meanwhile, he starched him with the left.
He was just such a gorilla.
You know, it's just health problems, man.
brendan schaub
He started late, man.
joe rogan
Yeah, but it's also just the football.
All that football.
I mean, he had a lot of injuries from that.
brendan schaub
Football, wrestling.
He's just a rugged dude.
joe rogan
You make a real good point, though, about guys that are that big, because you're right.
brendan schaub
Everyone I know, though.
Everyone.
I'm telling you, one of my best friends, he was in the NFL, not anymore.
6'7", 265, shredded, right?
He's just always been that way.
Never been on drugs, nothing.
Always hurt, man.
He had to retire because he was always hurt.
joe rogan
Had eight surgeries.
Carrying around that kind of weight on your body.
brendan schaub
And they're always sick.
Shane was always sick.
His immune system was shit, man.
joe rogan
Well, Shane also worked.
That's a hard fucking proposition.
brendan schaub
Shane had a full-time job.
joe rogan
To work a full-time job and be a professional MMA fighter, fighting for titles, fighting...
Check this.
brendan schaub
When Shane and I first started, we both worked 9 to 5 jobs at the time when we very first started.
9 to 5 jobs.
We'd both get off.
We'd go drive straight to the gym.
He would drive an hour.
I'd drive like 15 minutes.
He'd drive an hour to the gym.
And we would be at the gym from 6 to 10.30 at night.
We'd do four classes back-to-back-back.
joe rogan
Hey, we should do a podcast like this, like, after UFCs.
We should do, like, one.
We'll commit to, like, one a month.
unidentified
Let's do it.
joe rogan
This is fun as shit, man.
bryan callen
Let's do it.
joe rogan
I figured, like, we could talk MMA for days.
Yes.
unidentified
All day.
joe rogan
And throw in crocodiles and fucking terror birds.
bryan callen
We'll do a joint fighter and a kid.
We'll do a joint fighter and a kid.
Like, this will be one of our episodes.
joe rogan
Yeah, whatever, man.
We could record it and both release them simultaneously.
We'd do anything.
We'd do whatever we want.
I'd love it.
But that would be really fun to break down fights.
I'm fucking pumped about Tim Kennedy and Michael Bisping tomorrow night.
brendan schaub
This is the other thing with Carwin.
What's weird is there's the days of Carwin Lesnar, who you just have these dudes who are gorillas cutting from 300 pounds to 265. Not that way anymore.
The big boys are gone.
Now you guys got Kane, 240. Judo Santos, 240. Big Brown, 240. Everyone's kind of more athletic.
joe rogan
I agree, and I think that there's a point of diminishing return, right?
When you get too big, your body just can't keep it up.
When you saw Kane just running all over Brock, the pace that he put on Brock, first of all, you're dealing with a Brock that was sick, so it's hard to look at that.
Now that we know that the dude had that serious diverticulitis issue.
brendan schaub
That doesn't mean you turn away from punches, though.
Go ahead, carry on.
joe rogan
That's a very good point.
There's also the issue of trying to deal with a guy who's been striking for a long fucking time, and you are essentially a novice at it.
And if you can't take the guy down, if you do take the guy down, like you took Kane down, and Kane pops right back up to his feet.
Now you have to deal with that pace.
brendan schaub
Also mentally for him, he gets guys down, they're screwed.
He took Kane down, Kane got double wrist control, popped up.
And Lesnar was like, damn.
You can see in his face like, holy shit.
That's why when he fought Shane, I was like, this fight's over.
This fight's over.
And then they didn't stop it.
Second round, Shane was dealing with some problems.
Gas is out.
Basically his body shut down on him.
Gets choked out.
I fought on the same night, fought Brock Lesnar's best friend, training partner.
That was the thing, right?
Lesnar, Carwin.
Training partners fighting each other on Spike, the main card on Spike.
I knocked Chris Tusher out in 50 seconds.
He's a big, fat slob.
He's 21, though.
Tough dude.
21. How rude!
joe rogan
I knocked him out in 20 seconds.
He's a big, fat slob.
He's a nice fucking guy, man.
brendan schaub
He was 21, though.
20 and 1. He's a tough guy.
Yeah, but I'm all excited.
joe rogan
I'll dare you.
brendan schaub
I'm all excited.
I come running back, right?
bryan callen
I'm not touching that.
brendan schaub
I come back to the locker room, and then Shane's...
Turn to get ready.
He's getting ready.
I thought he was the fight one.
I was crunk, right?
Because I won my fight.
I've never been so sad in my life when Shane lost that fight.
Because we did training camp together.
He was like a brother, heavyweight champion.
joe rogan
It was so close.
brendan schaub
It didn't happen.
We were both crying, right?
Both crying our eyes out in the locker room.
Dana White comes in.
He goes, everyone leave the room.
I'm all, really?
He's like, Shob, you can stay.
Thanks, Dana.
Shane's literally on the floor with ice on his heart.
Ice on his heart because his body's going crazy.
He's laying on the floor.
Looks like a giant just gorilla.
And he's sweating.
Sweating ice on his heart.
Ice on his hands all over, right?
Dana makes everyone leave the room.
He gives Shane a check.
I was like, what is it, man?
I look, I'm like, oh shit!
Wow!
I popped up.
Fuck it, man!
Let's do this!
It was a lot of money.
I stopped crying, so did Shane.
joe rogan
Wow, the ice bags melted.
unidentified
That's real money.
joe rogan
Wow.
Well, that was a crazy first round, man.
If he paced himself and picked his shots better...
brendan schaub
Why would he, though?
They should have stopped the fight.
joe rogan
He's beating the brakes off Brock.
No, they shouldn't have stopped the fight.
They shouldn't have stopped the fight.
brendan schaub
I've seen fights stop for a lot less.
joe rogan
Okay, but would you have that to be stopped if that was you and you were okay like Brock was?
Brock got back to his corner and he was alright.
I mean, he got hit with some big shots, but he defended well.
You know what?
brendan schaub
That's when I got a lot of respect for Brock.
After that fight, I was like, alright, he's a legit fighter.
Before then, I was like, no, sign me up.
joe rogan
He got rocked, he got cut, plenty of time to give up.
Plenty of time to give up.
brendan schaub
That's when you were like, alright, Brock's legit.
bryan callen
He just didn't know how to deal with Kane's hands.
joe rogan
Well, Kane was just too much, and also, he was operating, he was operating, his estimation, at 40%.
What does that mean in the real world?
Only he knows, but he definitely had diverticulitis then.
brendan schaub
Even if he was 100%, Kane beats him.
joe rogan
I agree with you.
brendan schaub
And A +, Kane, A +, Brock, Horrible matchup for Brock.
joe rogan
But I think it would be a great fight though.
Fun fight while it lasted, but I don't think so.
Really?
You don't think so?
I don't know.
bryan callen
Why?
brendan schaub
Because Kane's a lot smarter, has more tools, his gas tank's so much better.
I think after a while it'd take its toll on Brock and he'd TKO him time after time.
Junior Dos Santos will never be the same again.
joe rogan
I don't think so either.
brendan schaub
Will never ever be the same again.
joe rogan
Those two fights were fucking insane.
brendan schaub
The corner should have threw in the towel.
joe rogan
Yeah, well, you know, when it ended, too, it's crazy, because it ended from him falling on his head.
He, you know, he got...
He tried to do, like, a power guillotine on Kane, and Kane ducked under, and Junior was so tired, and he had taken such a beating, that he's holding onto this guillotine, and he literally falls forward right onto his head, and, like, stuns himself, and then they stop the fight.
But the beating that he took up until that, there was three, four times where Herb Dean was like...
Moving close to stop the fight and then Junior's heart pulled through.
brendan schaub
It was insane.
joe rogan
Junior Dos Santos does not fucking give up.
That's one thing.
He had as many opportunities to give up as a human being ever gets in life and he will not give up.
brendan schaub
It's tough, right?
And I think about this.
It's tough because if Junior came...
Five years ago, he's the champ for a long time.
But because there's this group of guys, and it's about matchups.
The UFC's about matchups.
Cain Velasquez, Junior Dos Santos, Junior will never beat him, right?
He got that one lucky shot.
Other than that, those guys fight 100 times.
Cain's winning 99 usually.
He just is.
However, if Junior fights Verdum, Travis Brown, he's probably going to win.
It's just matchups, man.
bryan callen
Who is a better matchup for you, Verdum or Alistair Overeign?
brendan schaub
I mean, that's random as hell, but...
joe rogan
When you see a guy like Alistair that was at a very high level in kickboxing, came over, fought Lesnar, looked fantastic, but then you see him in the Bigfoot fight post getting popped.
He got popped for testosterone.
You see him in the Bigfoot fight and then you see him in the Travis Brown fight.
How much do you think he's lost from not having...
brendan schaub
This is the thing though.
He's destroying these guys.
unidentified
Right.
brendan schaub
You don't want to be that guy in the first two minutes fighting Alistair over him.
It is a nightmare.
joe rogan
But he didn't fight that way against Mir.
Against Mir, he was very controlled.
brendan schaub
Hey, thanks for that fight.
Mir, what the fuck are we doing?
What did you do all training camp?
What are we doing?
You did nothing.
What are you saying?
He didn't throw a punch.
joe rogan
Well, I don't think he could hit him.
I mean, I think he was having a real problem dealing with that guy.
brendan schaub
Do something, man.
joe rogan
I wonder what their game plan was.
brendan schaub
I would love to hear it.
joe rogan
I bet the game plan was figured out how to tire him out and get him down to the ground.
I bet that was probably the game plan.
Stay on the outside, work him.
brendan schaub
And Overeems was be very conservative, don't gas out.
joe rogan
And Overeems was also control him on the ground.
He wasn't afraid of going to the ground with Frank Mir.
brendan schaub
He did control the heck out of him.
joe rogan
Which is pretty shocking.
Frank's a hell of a grappler and really good off his back.
People forget that Alistair won the Abu Dhabi European Trials, though.
Alistair can grapple.
brendan schaub
He has a nasty guillotine.
joe rogan
Yeah, he submitted Vitor.
He submitted Vitor with a guillotine.
brendan schaub
He submitted Mark Hunt via Kimura.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's right.
And a weird one, too.
brendan schaub
I told Hunt, if he needed, I would open up a jiu-jitsu school for him in New Zealand.
So he had an idea of what's going on on the ground.
joe rogan
Well, didn't you guys make some sort of a bet?
Like, you would try to knock him out and he would try to submit you?
Wasn't there something along those lines?
brendan schaub
Yeah, we and him were talking smack on Twitter, and then we got into this winner takes all, and he started clowning how he's going to knock me out and stand on my big lips.
bryan callen
We should get him on the fighter and the kid.
unidentified
Yeah.
bryan callen
See if he'll come on.
joe rogan
Stand on your big lips.
unidentified
I was like, what?
brendan schaub
What's wrong with He's like, I'm going to stand on your big lips and knock you out.
unidentified
I think he means it because you talk a lot.
brendan schaub
Well, I have big lips, so it's confusing.
joe rogan
You should have shot back, I have a full mouth.
I wouldn't say they're really big.
bryan callen
I'd say it's a full mouth.
brendan schaub
I look like Lionel Richie, for sure.
joe rogan
I wouldn't describe you that way.
Describe Brendan Schaub.
Oh, the lips.
He's got these big lips.
bryan callen
I'd describe him as Big Brown.
brendan schaub
Yeah, me and him got on it.
bryan callen
I'm trying to get his nickname changed from hybrid to Big Brown.
brendan schaub
Dude, this guy starts with Big Brown.
joe rogan
Why Big Brown?
bryan callen
He's Big Brown.
He's just big and brown.
That's why everybody calls him Big Brown now.
joe rogan
What is your nationality?
brendan schaub
My mom's full-blooded English.
bryan callen
That's bullshit.
brendan schaub
Born and raised in England.
Born and raised in England.
My dad's German, a little bit of Italian, French.
bryan callen
Native American and Jewish, 100%.
I don't care what anybody says.
joe rogan
Did you ever do your genome test to see if anybody's lying?
brendan schaub
No, I need to.
joe rogan
Someone fucking Neanderthal in your past.
brendan schaub
Because no one looks like me.
unidentified
No one looks like me.
bryan callen
Well, your dad looks exactly like the crying Indian from those commercials in the 70s.
And I mean, exactly.
And even got watery eyes, by the way.
The only missing is the braids and the long hair.
joe rogan
Well, here's something to consider.
When someone talks about someone being German or someone being Italian or someone being anything, yeah, maybe, but who knows how they got to Germany or Italy 17 generations before.
Who knows where any of those Germanic people came from.
brendan schaub
Doesn't it all lead back to some...
joe rogan
Africans.
brendan schaub
Yeah, African, right?
joe rogan
You do not...
bryan callen
Tell the story about Kimbo Slice.
brendan schaub
Kimbo Slice on Ultimate Fighter?
bryan callen
Yeah, when you guys were doing that.
brendan schaub
They didn't even show this on the air, so...
This guy, I'm not going to mention his name, on the show he lost, and you can drink all the alcohol you want in the house.
And there's only, at the time, there's only four of us left still fighting.
Roy, Marcus Jones, Mitrione, and myself.
That's the four fighting, right?
joe rogan
So one of the other guys is hammered.
brendan schaub
Hammered.
He's lost, right?
Hammered.
Wasted.
All of a sudden, this guy gets super racist in the house.
And there's a bunch of black guys in the house.
Starts talking about how his wife loves him because of the Aryan nation and starts throwing up racial slurs and throwing up these, you know, the Hey Hitler stuff, Heil Hitler stuff.
joe rogan
Write his name on this piece of paper for me.
brendan schaub
Alright.
Dude, this isn't getting out though, right?
unidentified
No, no, no.
joe rogan
I just need to know for my own edification.
brendan schaub
So he starts doing all this stuff.
I'm sleeping.
I have the biggest fight of my life the next day.
Dana White literally stops us in the car and goes, Listen, whoever makes to the finale, whether you win or not, you're going to be a superstar.
It's huge, man.
The biggest season we've ever had.
You guys want to win this fight.
Thank you.
No pressure.
So, I'm sleeping.
And...
I'm sleeping.
And, uh...
I'm sleeping on the ground and I thought it was a dream.
Kimbo Slice and Marcus Jones and this D'Amico Rogers comes in my room and they go, yo, Shaab, get up, dawg.
Get up, man.
I'm like, huh?
Why are there three large black guys around my bed?
Kim goes, yo, man, this dude's down there talking about our people.
We're about to jack him up.
Literally, I thought I was in a dream.
I go, excuse me?
He's talking about our people, dog.
Let's go F this dude up.
I'm like, listen, you guys realize, I said, I'm not down with the race thing.
I'm totally down to fuck this dude up.
But you realize I'm not black, right?
Kim goes, you ain't black?
I go, no man.
He goes, damn, that's crazy.
Turn around, leave, and I hear, that's why I lock shop.
You can't tell what the hell he is.
And I go, hey, Kimbo, that's racist, dog.
He goes, why?
I go, just because I'm athletic and can fight, I've got to be black.
He goes, you could be, and keeps going.
joe rogan
Wow, that's interesting, man.
That's a fucking weird situation to be in, too.
What?
A trained killer who's also an Aryan Nation guy.
Is he mic'd up while this is going on, too?
brendan schaub
He's mic'd up, and they have to escort him out of the house.
joe rogan
Why didn't they put that on the show?
brendan schaub
Oh, that's not good for ratings.
joe rogan
Fuck yeah, it is.
unidentified
Nah.
joe rogan
Are you kidding me?
brendan schaub
Didn't show any of it, man.
joe rogan
That guy never fought again, did he?
Did he?
brendan schaub
No.
unidentified
Hmm.
joe rogan
Interesting.
Too many clues.
We know people are going to know who this is.
brendan schaub
They'll figure it out.
joe rogan
Tough shit.
unidentified
Bad news.
joe rogan
That's fascinating.
Yeah, it is bad news.
brendan schaub
Six years ago.
joe rogan
Yeah, they have to make a decision, right?
Whether you put that on the TV or not.
brendan schaub
We didn't need it, though.
The ratings were so high.
And then you want to toss something.
Highest ratings ever, by the way.
Tough 10. Whoop, whoop.
joe rogan
Was it really?
The highest ratings ever?
unidentified
Ever.
brendan schaub
Nothing's even close.
joe rogan
Kimbo Slice, that's why.
brendan schaub
Kimbo Slice.
joe rogan
Isn't that crazy?
brendan schaub
I'll never forget, man, when we walk in the house, right?
We walk in the gym, you're standing there, and I'm like, I don't know any of these guys.
In walks Roy Nelson.
I'll never forget this.
Matt Mitrione goes, look at the fat ass.
And I'm all, bro, that's Roy Nelson.
He goes, who's that?
I go, he's like a world champ, man, in the IFL. He has like 30 fights.
What the fuck?
And Matt's like, ah, it's nothing, man.
And then Dana was hyping up everyone, going...
Do you realize there's 15 guys here?
There's 16 total, though.
We're bringing a special guest.
They hype this thing up.
Everyone's wanting everyone.
I lean over to Roy.
I go, bro, you know who they're about to bring in?
And there's big talks at the time.
Can you imagine if they did this?
I said, Fedor's about to walk through that motherfucker.
We're all screwed.
I have three fights.
They're about to bring Fedor into the ultimate fighter house.
bryan callen
Disaster.
brendan schaub
And that's why when they're like, bring him in.
And in walks Kimbo Slice.
I thought it was going to be Fedor.
That's why I look over at Matt and I go, oh.
Fuck Kimbo Slice!
And that's the very first way people saw me on national TV is me saying fuck Kimbo Slice.
joe rogan
That's hilarious.
brendan schaub
I thought it was going to be Fedor, man.
I was all nervous.
joe rogan
You really thought it was going to be Fedor?
unidentified
I was.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
Somebody needs to talk to you.
unidentified
I know.
joe rogan
Why would Fedor do The Ultimate Fighter?
brendan schaub
I don't know.
Maybe they pay him like a jigillion dollars and he's like, okay, just tear up these kids with three fights.
joe rogan
You know what's crazy?
That'd be funny.
You know what's really crazy, though, is that Kimbo Slice would get more ratings.
bryan callen
That's weird.
joe rogan
More people knew who Kimbo Slice was back then because of YouTube, like the casual person, than knew who Fedor was.
brendan schaub
I'll tell you what, Kimbo, one of the nicest people I've ever met.
joe rogan
Very nice guy.
brendan schaub
So cool.
joe rogan
Yeah, very nice guy.
brendan schaub
Taught me how to fight with a shank.
unidentified
What?
brendan schaub
What?
Yeah, man.
joe rogan
Is it rules?
brendan schaub
Well, you leave this arm so they can scrape that arm.
They got the knife in this one, man.
joe rogan
Right.
It was dope.
brendan schaub
While he was barbecuing, if he's listening, he needs to open up his barbecue restaurant called Kimbo's.
Man, that guy could grill.
Like no one's business.
joe rogan
Really?
brendan schaub
He'd make this barbecue sauce.
joe rogan
He'd make his own sauce?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
What would he put in it?
brendan schaub
Honey, mustard, all sorts of stuff.
joe rogan
So he just knew what he was doing.
brendan schaub
Oh, knew what he was doing.
joe rogan
What did he barbecue?
Ribs?
What?
brendan schaub
Ribs.
I mean, there's steaks.
unidentified
Really?
brendan schaub
Dude.
bryan callen
He's a chemist.
A chemist.
brendan schaub
He was so cool, man.
He was so cool.
joe rogan
Good eating.
brendan schaub
Yeah.
bryan callen
He is just a natural athlete.
I mean, he's just...
joe rogan
Big, strong guy.
He's got some serious knee problems, man.
brendan schaub
I wouldn't call him a natural athlete.
joe rogan
Well, he's a tough guy.
He's got real, real knee problems.
brendan schaub
For sure.
joe rogan
Bone-on-bone arthritis in his knees.
That's why he left MMA. Tried to do some boxing.
brendan schaub
And he also wasn't winning.
joe rogan
He wasn't winning, but look, he made some improvement.
He definitely made some improvement, but it was the knees.
His knees were fucked.
They weren't going to get any better either.
bryan callen
I hope he made some money.
brendan schaub
He makes some money.
He makes a ton of money as security for Icy Mike and Reality Kings.
Porno!
His best friend is Icy Mike, who owns Reality Kings.
bryan callen
What?
brendan schaub
Holla at your boy.
joe rogan
I wonder if they're making any money more.
Is it tough to make money in the Reality Kings?
brendan schaub
Well, it's free now, right?
Like, you porn, why am I going to pay a subscription to Reality Kings?
joe rogan
Yeah, that's the thing.
You have to be a real fan to pay porn.
brendan schaub
You'll be a real psycho.
bryan callen
I think they make money.
joe rogan
I said fan, you went with psycho.
brendan schaub
Psycho, you'll be a real psycho, jacking off about ten times a day.
For a membership.
joe rogan
But there are dudes that become fans of a girl.
Just like they become fans of a band.
brendan schaub
Again, if you're my friend and you're a fan of a girl and you pay for a membership, lose my number.
joe rogan
Don't ever, ever call me.
Or if you're a fan of girls.
bryan callen
Lose my number!
brendan schaub
No, if you pay for a membership because you like one certain porno star, you're a psycho.
joe rogan
Well, there's some guys that have very specific tastes, like they only like Asian broads.
That's it.
Asian girls only.
brendan schaub
Cody's like that.
bryan callen
I'm an equal opportunity employer.
brendan schaub
Me too.
I don't hate.
I encourage everybody.
joe rogan
Well, how about guys who say they never jerk off to porn?
bryan callen
Ever.
brendan schaub
Blatant lie.
joe rogan
They don't use porn, and if they jerk off, it's to their imagination.
brendan schaub
Again, lose my number.
unidentified
Ha ha ha!
brendan schaub
They're lying for sure.
joe rogan
I don't know.
I think some people actually do have a problem with porn.
They don't like it.
They don't like the fact that they think that people are being victimized in some way.
brendan schaub
I've never met a guy like this.
joe rogan
One person is making a lot of money.
I have.
I definitely have.
unidentified
Really?
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah.
I've met people.
bryan callen
I hate to say this, but I watched...
I hate to say this.
I watched a lecture on TED.com called Why I Stop Watching Porn, and it's really, really...
Eloquent dude was talking about why it's damaging.
And ever since I listened, it's almost like now that I know football causes head injuries, it's literally like now I feel guilty.
unidentified
Don't be lame.
I'm just telling you.
Don't be lame.
You guys balance each other out so well.
joe rogan
Lose my number.
It's one of the reasons why your podcast is so good.
You guys balance each other out so well.
I was telling Brian, someone needs to be in the room with him to let him be him.
Because if you leave him by himself, he goes, by the way, Thoreau once theorized.
unidentified
That's the reason why this passion exists.
bryan callen
Dude, he called me up.
He called me up.
He heard me doing the Elliot Hulse thing, and he goes, hey, bro.
He goes, let me ask you something, man.
You're one of the funniest people I know.
unidentified
Somebody should sue you for misrepresenting who you really are in your podcast.
For sure.
bryan callen
Why are you lecturing you?
joe rogan
You should sue yourself, I said.
bryan callen
He goes, just be funny, Brian.
I hate when you're serious, Brian.
brendan schaub
Everyone loves the exact same thing.
joe rogan
I didn't say hate when you're serious, Brian.
I said you're two different people.
Yeah.
I said, there's you who's really you, and there's you, and it goes into lecture mode.
brendan schaub
There's this fake, like...
bryan callen
But why am I doing that?
I don't even know why.
joe rogan
Well, I don't know.
I mean, I guess probably everybody does it.
I'm sure I do it to a certain extent, but you do it in a very extreme way.
bryan callen
I have these really smart people that I'm excited about.
brendan schaub
You know when he did it?
You know when he did it?
On our biggest podcast, when I re-signed my new UFC contract, I go, Dana, I'm going to come and sign my contract.
You mind if you're on my podcast?
joe rogan
You did that with Dana White?
brendan schaub
In his office, in his office, Brian sits down and goes, Mr. White...
Where did you get your inspiration from?
unidentified
What?
joe rogan
Did you call him Mr. White, first of all, you son of a bitch?
unidentified
No, I did.
bryan callen
I just didn't know him.
No, I didn't.
But I didn't know him.
unidentified
He was dead serious.
bryan callen
But for the story, I did.
But I didn't know him, so I didn't know whether he had a sense of humor.
joe rogan
You met him with me before, you fuck.
bryan callen
Yeah, but not really, like, you know, talk to him.
And now, now I know he loves, he's a silly goose.
brendan schaub
Opportunity's gone.
It's gone.
Back to the porno stars, though.
I got a buddy who's dating a porno star.
joe rogan
I want to know what he did during the podcast that, like, made you upset.
bryan callen
You can listen to it.
brendan schaub
Dead serious, man.
unidentified
Dead serious.
bryan callen
You can listen to it in the Fighter and a Kid podcast.
joe rogan
Did you over-talk?
Did you over-talk a little bit?
unidentified
Not really.
bryan callen
No, it was just so serious.
I didn't fuck it up.
brendan schaub
The reason why the fighter and the kid works...
joe rogan
Did he fuck it up?
bryan callen
No, no, no.
brendan schaub
The reason why the fighter and the kid works is because we get serious people, right?
And we're clowns, man.
We get them out of their elements.
We make things fun.
We tell stories.
bryan callen
We did a great one with Ronda Rousey recently.
brendan schaub
We tell stories.
Well, with Dana, he was like, where do you see yourself in 10 years?
joe rogan
No way.
You really said that?
bryan callen
I don't know what I said.
I like questions like that.
joe rogan
What are you, a chick?
bryan callen
We have really good arguments on the podcast.
We have serious arguments about whether or not Rana should take me or him on the zombie apocalypse.
All kinds of stuff.
brendan schaub
Obviously she's taking me.
bryan callen
Yeah, obviously.
brendan schaub
That wasn't much of an argument at all.
joe rogan
What kind of conversation?
What are you going to provide?
brendan schaub
I said I would take Tim Kennedy.
joe rogan
Do you know the poisonous mushrooms or something?
bryan callen
Yeah, I do.
I know a lot of stuff.
joe rogan
You would take Tim Kennedy?
brendan schaub
I said Tim Kennedy, and I immediately regret saying that as soon as I said it.
joe rogan
Why is that?
brendan schaub
Because they gave a scenario where all the zombies, everyone's a zombie, so it's only you and one other person.
So we couldn't procreate, right?
joe rogan
Right.
You don't want to take Tim Kennedy.
Can't get him pregnant.
bryan callen
Rhonda said, yeah, Rhonda goes, I'd be a good breeding.
brendan schaub
She said, I'm an ovarian goldmine.
bryan callen
I breed the army.
You need a breeding.
joe rogan
That's true.
You'd be breeding warriors.
Yeah.
That's a good move.
Yeah, she's the only choice.
There's a couple other choices, but for you, that's the only choice.
You can't take Tim Kennedy.
You can't get him pregnant.
By the way, if you were the only two people on Earth and you had to fucking die and leave your kids to fend for themselves against zombies, you might want to take everybody out in their sleep.
And then do yourself.
You might want to fucking end it.
For real.
If you're the last two people on Earth and the world is filled with zombies, I agree.
Nope.
Drown.
Swim out as far as you can go.
That's what I say.
bryan callen
Just crawl all the way out.
joe rogan
Fuck that.
Last person on earth?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Look, being a human being...
brendan schaub
I know who I'm not taking a foxhole.
Hey!
joe rogan
You two.
brendan schaub
As soon as things get a little shady...
joe rogan
That's a foxhole.
Rogan, shoot!
unidentified
Foxhole's a war.
brendan schaub
Oh my god, he shot himself.
joe rogan
Foxhole's a war.
We're talking about everybody being dead except for you and this one chick.
What kind of life is that?
Your baby's gonna be behind...
brendan schaub
It's gonna be pretty dope.
joe rogan
You're gonna have to fuck your kids.
Do you understand that, how procreation works?
brendan schaub
I do, my man.
joe rogan
Someone's gonna have to fuck your kids.
Your kids are gonna have to fuck each other.
No.
They're going to have to try to survive, and they still might get eaten by zombies?
brendan schaub
Well, you guys are giving up.
joe rogan
Oh, what are you going to do?
You're going to fuck your kids?
No, you're going to look for other people.
brendan schaub
You're going to look for other people.
joe rogan
Okay, that's what I'm saying.
If you know for sure, you're the only two people.
brendan schaub
How would you know for sure?
You don't know for sure.
joe rogan
You'd have to know for sure.
bryan callen
You'd kill yourself.
Or you'd just figure out, I'm here for a reason, what is it?
Maybe I can figure something out.
joe rogan
It's a good point, though.
You wouldn't really know for sure.
brendan schaub
You wouldn't know, but you two are giving up.
That's good to know.
joe rogan
I Am Legend was really like the first Walking Dead, right?
Remember when they found the camp at the end and everybody was safe?
But those monsters are way scarier than the Walking Dead monsters.
bryan callen
Yeah, they were.
brendan schaub
Walking Dead?
Sign me up.
I'm just going to run everywhere.
They walk.
I'm just going to run everywhere.
I'm going to cut down to about 170. I'm going to have a nice pair of kicks on.
Cut down to 170. And I'm just going to run everywhere.
joe rogan
All cardio.
brendan schaub
Yeah, all cardio.
joe rogan
Well, that was Zombieland.
Oh yeah, have good cardio.
unidentified
That's right.
bryan callen
That show's a little too moody for me.
joe rogan
It's getting ridiculous.
They're eating people now.
They found a cannibal fucking colony.
brendan schaub
Makes sense.
joe rogan
I guess, but there's plenty of deer left too.
It's not like the zombies are eating deer.
They eat a few of them, but they can't catch them.
I don't understand why everybody gets guns when you can have a sword.
I mean, it's good to have guns, but that chick never gets fucked with.
She just jacks everything with swords.
bryan callen
Yeah, because if you run out of bullets with a sword, you're just chopping heads off.
joe rogan
Yeah, you've got to reload a rifle.
It takes a couple of seconds.
You've got a fucking hundred zombies coming at you.
It takes a long time to put a hundred bullets in a chamber.
brendan schaub
Well, good luck if a hundred zombies are coming.
You're going to take a sword and start to swing it around.
joe rogan
Fuck yeah, you take them a couple at a time, and you do it for about an hour, and you've got a hundred dead zombies.
brendan schaub
Until you get the zombie like Shane Carwin, who knows single legs.
joe rogan
Zombies don't learn anything.
They don't even know how to use doors.
You don't pay attention.
You don't even watch that show.
unidentified
You can't be in this conversation.
bryan callen
Please exit the conversation, sir.
joe rogan
They don't even unscrew doors.
brendan schaub
Have you seen World War Z? You can just lock that door.
You've seen World War Z? Yes.
A little different.
joe rogan
They're different kinds of zombies.
Those are the scary, fast zombies.
brendan schaub
Yes, that's where we're all screwed.
joe rogan
The scariest zombies of all time are the 28 Days Later zombies.
Remember that?
unidentified
Yes.
joe rogan
Not only that, because that's the most likely scenario.
It was a disease like rabies.
They called it rage, a genetically created disease, a modified disease, a weaponized disease.
It escapes from the chimps and gets into people and then spreads like wildfire.
When you think about what rabies does to animals...
bryan callen
And people.
joe rogan
And people.
bryan callen
If somebody has rabies and you get them near a body of water, if they get near a body of water, they get so hysterical you have to chain them down.
Really?
brendan schaub
Why water?
bryan callen
I don't know.
brendan schaub
Are you making this up?
bryan callen
No.
Water.
You get a huge water phobia.
joe rogan
Oh, they get afraid of the water.
brendan schaub
When's the last time someone got rabies?
joe rogan
What if rabies comes from an animal?
bryan callen
Before vaccines, rabies was a terrible disease.
brendan schaub
I'm talking right now.
joe rogan
No, no, no.
People have gotten it really recently.
Really?
Being bit by animals.
I wonder if rabies comes from an animal and that animal has memories of drowning.
bryan callen
Look it up.
Look up water phobia.
joe rogan
Imagine that shit like we were talking about with the mice and the mice giving the remembering, the smell with the electrical shock.
bryan callen
It taps into a part of your brain where you actually go crazy, first of all.
You go crazy.
That's why the animal will bite you.
They go crazy.
They start to drool.
joe rogan
Well, they're also very aggressive.
brendan schaub
I'm not making this up.
I had a dog bite me in the ass cheek and had rabies when I was a kid.
joe rogan
Really?
bryan callen
And you had to get a bunch of shots in your stomach.
brendan schaub
And guess what I'm not scared of?
joe rogan
Horrible shots.
brendan schaub
Dogs.
bryan callen
You had to get shots in your stomach.
joe rogan
You're the right dogs.
You'd be scared, bro.
brendan schaub
Scared of snakes.
bryan callen
You ever put a...
I put a bite suit on in Afghanistan and had dogs attack me?
Whoa, where?
joe rogan
Afghanistan.
bryan callen
I was in Afghanistan.
brendan schaub
I hate when he does that.
joe rogan
I hate it, too.
unidentified
Afghanistan?
joe rogan
He switches it up, too.
I say it the way you're supposed to.
If he's around...
By the way, if he's around, like, real military guys, he takes that shit down a few notches.
He doesn't go Afghanistan.
unidentified
Because he knows what's up.
joe rogan
Because then they'll go, what?
And you'll hear, like, silence.
bryan callen
Because they think I'm a plant.
They think I'm an Al-Qaeda plant.
Like, Afghanistan.
joe rogan
No, they don't think you're a plant.
unidentified
They think you're a fucking dork.
joe rogan
They think you're a plant.
bryan callen
Yeah, they put a plant on mad TV. I lived in the Middle East eight years of my life.
Don't blame me.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Afghanistan.
bryan callen
Dude, they released these dogs...
joe rogan
Hydrophobia.
Fear of water.
Historic name for rabies.
Wow.
josh olin
It's the historic name for rabies.
joe rogan
Refers to a set of symptoms.
The later stages of an infection with the victims has difficulty swallowing.
Shows panic when presented with liquids to drink and can't quench its thirst.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
So I guess that's what it is.
Like, they're scared of water because they know they got it in their mouth.
unidentified
Wow.
bryan callen
Or even intentional suggestion of drinking may cause excruciating painful spasms of the muscles in the throat and larynx.
joe rogan
Wow, suggestion of drinking may cause excruciatingly painful spasms.
bryan callen
Yet you're really thirsty.
Great disease.
Thank you, vaccines.
Thank you, vaccines.
joe rogan
Thank you, the fact they can shoot you when you get bit.
Horrible needles in your stomach.
Big giant needles in your fucking stomach.
bryan callen
Tetanus is another really bad...
Do you know the symptoms of tetanus?
Look those up.
Look up the symptoms of tetanus.
That is the worst.
joe rogan
Horrible.
bryan callen
Your whole body seizes up, and before you die, you're very acutely aware of all the pain.
joe rogan
Hey, did you see the shit where John Jones is requesting that Glover Teixeira get drug tested?
bryan callen
Oh, no.
joe rogan
It's kind of fascinating.
brendan schaub
Did they agree to a lot of testing?
joe rogan
Well, this is what he says.
This is his exact quote.
He says, some fighters, you just know they're not on anything just by looking at them.
I kind of disagree with that.
Because guys that look like Jeremy Horn, who doesn't look like he's on anything, have tested positive.
Just because a guy has a certain body type doesn't mean that he can't be on something.
A lot of guys have tested positive.
brendan schaub
I think you're talking about the exception there again.
joe rogan
Perhaps.
But those are often the guys that wind up taking it.
Like, okay, here's a perfect example.
Tim Sylvia.
A lot of folks don't know.
Tim Sylvia tested hot.
And before Tim Sylvia tested hot, look at what he looked like when he fought Rico Rodriguez.
I think the Tim Sylvia that beat Rico Rodriguez is one of the scariest heavyweights ever.
brendan schaub
I agree.
Great takedown defense.
Great striking.
joe rogan
Monster right hand.
Monster.
He couldn't keep that fucking everything.
brendan schaub
He had tires hanging off the side, and I think he was getting criticized for it, and I feel like that's why he did steroids.
joe rogan
I think you're right.
I think you're right.
brendan schaub
You wanted to look the part.
joe rogan
A little bit, but I also think that it benefited him physically.
Pull up Tim Sylvia vs.
Rico Rodriguez.
That's Tim when he was retired from the UFC. Now that's Tim vs.
Rico Rodriguez.
You see that image?
Look how fucking lean he was and big.
He was a dangerous motherfucker.
And he was eating Rico's leg kicks and dropping right hands on him.
brendan schaub
So dangerous.
joe rogan
Pull up the video if you can find the video.
He was a scary guy.
brendan schaub
Such a monster.
joe rogan
He also struggled to get down to 265 for that fight.
He struggled to get down to 265. Yeah, he missed weight.
He missed weight the first time.
bryan callen
What did he walk around at?
brendan schaub
I don't know, but he was big.
joe rogan
Not fat, but big shoulders and neck.
unidentified
Huge.
brendan schaub
Such a monster.
John's saying he thinks Glover is on stuff.
joe rogan
Part of Glover Teixeira's mystique is his amazing physical strength, and I just questioned it.
I have no reason to think he's on steroids, but I do wonder how someone could be so strong.
He says, I'm sure I have fought guys in the past that were on steroids.
I think it's pretty well documented.
A lot of people haven't really argued with it because they know it's a true statement.
I know it's a true statement.
I called Dana White and said, I want Glover to take steroid tests for this fight.
He asked me, what do you think he's on steroids?
And I told him, I don't know.
I have no reason to accuse him of anything, but I would like to be sure.
brendan schaub
How can he be mad at that?
He can't be mad at that.
bryan callen
I don't know, man.
brendan schaub
I'm not mad at that at all.
If he came out and was like, hey, Glover's on stuff, that would be an issue.
joe rogan
There's Tim Silvio when he fought Rico.
Good takedown defense.
bryan callen
Wow, look at that.
joe rogan
Big motherfucker, too.
Rico had a good guard, too, man.
Rico's a legit Machado black belt.
brendan schaub
For sure.
joe rogan
Tim Sylvie was scary back then, man.
brendan schaub
Super scary.
joe rogan
And he knocked a lot of guys out, man.
A lot of people sleep on Tim Sylvie.
He never gets brought up because he had sort of a dispute with the UFC, but head kick Trey Tellingman knocked him out.
And Tim Sylvie was not a natural athlete, by the way.
unidentified
Not at all.
joe rogan
This is all from toughness and training.
I mean, he's pigeon-toed, in fact.
His feet, like, naturally went towards each other.
And here he stuffs a takedown again.
Roughs him up on the ground.
And Tim Sylvia, back then, you know, I mean, you're dealing with a guy really...
Rico's got a good fucking high guard here.
brendan schaub
Nasty guard.
joe rogan
Yeah, and he was, like I said, a legit Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt.
Very high-level black belt.
Especially at the time.
You know, at the time, Rico was one of very few Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belts in the heavyweight division.
There wasn't a lot of guys.
brendan schaub
Did you see him sit in Oguero's guard?
Wrist control.
joe rogan
Yep, yeah.
Yeah.
Tim Sylvia, at this time, I think was one of the scariest guys ever.
brendan schaub
I agree with you.
joe rogan
But who knows how much of it was...
Hard training, first of all, for sure.
It was definitely some steroids involved.
Look at that, look at that.
Whipped over for that arm bar.
That was pretty fucking sweet.
brendan schaub
Damn!
joe rogan
That was pretty fucking sweet.
Spikes him, gets out of it.
That was a goddamn sweet arm bar.
Rico had a nasty arm bar.
brendan schaub
I'll tell you what, Rico had a nice little appearance on Celebrity Rehab, too.
I watched it.
All of it.
bryan callen
Oh, no.
brendan schaub
With Dr. Drew.
bryan callen
What was wrong with him?
What was he doing?
unidentified
Everything.
bryan callen
Oh, drugs.
brendan schaub
He likes a little booger sugar.
joe rogan
He likes to have a good time.
brendan schaub
He was known for partying.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
He likes to have a good time, that Tim Sylvia.
I mean, that Rico Rodriguez.
Rico Rodriguez.
brendan schaub
I'm not mad at him.
joe rogan
He's a fun guy, man.
He's a fun guy to hang around with.
And there's the right hand.
He starts keeping the fight standing.
brendan schaub
I'll tell you what.
My only experience with Rico, the only time I ever met him, he was cornering Tito Ortiz.
We're on the same card.
And he's looking at the corner, and he goes, who in the hell is Schwab?
Schwab fighting Gonzaga.
I go, right behind you, man.
He goes, you're Schwab?
Yeah, he goes, good luck, man, and walks away.
I was all, wow, thanks, man.
Went in there.
I beat the brakes off Gonzaga for three rounds, striking clinic.
Walked back in.
He's like, damn, great job, man.
Give me a hug.
joe rogan
What a dick!
What a dick to say.
That's a fucking mindfuck.
Former UFC heavyweight champion.
brendan schaub
For sure.
And I was a fan.
I was like, oh, thanks, bro.
unidentified
Who said this to you?
Rico Rodriguez.
joe rogan
That's hilarious.
That's hilarious.
That's really funny.
brendan schaub
Funny, right?
Made me feel like shit.
unidentified
I was like, damn.
joe rogan
It's a fucking bad time to feel like shit.
Did you see this?
Bisping and Tim Kennedy at the press conference.
Bisping was swearing at him.
Fuck you.
You fucked this.
brendan schaub
Chael and I were talking about this.
Bisping legitimately makes a reason to hate you to get ready for the fight.
joe rogan
Yeah, look at this.
Meanwhile, you know, he's trying to scare Tim Kennedy, who's been to war.
I know!
unidentified
Tim Kennedy has been through a lot of bad guys.
brendan schaub
Tim's just grinning, man.
joe rogan
He's killed a lot of bad guys.
Like, the difference between the fear that he's experienced and the fear of, like, a fight and the preparation for a fight, this is like a vacation for him.
It really is.
bryan callen
Kenny is rough.
brendan schaub
His mental toughness is crazy.
bryan callen
You're not messing with him.
joe rogan
Listen, he is as tough as a human being.
brendan schaub
Yeah, hands down.
Podger Gracie had his back.
That was cool.
Like he was chilling on the beach.
Did not care.
Double wrist control.
bryan callen
We saw a lot of combat.
joe rogan
It's a different world, man.
That world of fear.
bryan callen
In firefights.
joe rogan
Yeah, in firefights.
Killed bad guys.
You know, that's his thing.
brendan schaub
Fighting Bisbing's probably not that much fight.
bryan callen
Life and death.
joe rogan
I mean there's some of the stories that he tells about his firefights and the things that he can't remember how many firefights he's been in.
How about that?
brendan schaub
Who do you have in that fight?
bryan callen
Mouthing off!
joe rogan
It's a good fight.
It's a good fight.
Michael Bisping has a fucking tremendous pace that he can keep.
Michael Bisping has a fucking 34 hearts beat per minute resting heart rate.
That's incredible.
bryan callen
It's the opposite of Shane Carlin.
joe rogan
Well, Kane is a freak of nature, man.
He really is a freak of nature when it comes to his cardio.
You talk to Bob Cook, he says that Kane will take, like, a month off, get injured, come back in, outwork everybody.
Like, it doesn't make any sense.
Like, he doesn't have these, like, break-in periods where he has to get back in shape.
And some of that is just genetic.
Just like some people have incredible fast-twitch muscle fiber, we've met guys that have never lifted weights, and they're fucking gigantic.
Big calves and shit.
bryan callen
Weird.
joe rogan
Guy doesn't even have weights.
brendan schaub
But look at Kane.
I wouldn't say Kane's really explosive.
He kind of has that softer body where his endurance is going to be higher.
It's 100% genetics.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Well, he definitely doesn't have the same kind of explosive.
brendan schaub
Could you look at guys like Hector Lombard, who's just jacked to the gills.
His ears have freaking traps.
You know, he's just like swole.
All explosiveness.
joe rogan
No one's more explosive than Hector.
brendan schaub
I agree.
joe rogan
He's the most explosive guy that's ever fought in MMA. He's like right up there with Melvin Manhoof.
brendan schaub
I think he's even more explosive than Melvin.
joe rogan
Well, I think so too because of the judo.
brendan schaub
And they said, Hector, you're giant swole muscles.
Let's give you the vegan Jake Shields.
joe rogan
Let's see how this goes.
unidentified
And fight.
joe rogan
And fight.
brendan schaub
Vegan steroids.
joe rogan
Jake caught his neck.
Jake caught his neck with the last remaining seconds of the fight.
He caught his neck and was hanging on.
Jake's got a goddamn vice for a grip.
When he gets that guillotine, man, he tightens that shit up on Robbie Lawler.
He tightens that shit up on everybody.
And you don't think he's going to be able to get it.
There's a lot of guys who think they can get out of that.
Jake's strong as fuck, man.
brendan schaub
I'm actually going to train with him on Friday in San Francisco.
joe rogan
Hector Lombard, motherfucker, hit some judo throws in this fight against Jake Shields that you just ragdolled him.
brendan schaub
If ever there's a reason why, hey dad, why can't I be vegan?
joe rogan
Look at this!
Boom!
Watch that again.
unidentified
It's insane.
joe rogan
Just back that up again.
Just back that up to that judo toss.
Back it up all the way.
To do this in a world-class grappler like Jake Shields is just insane.
Watch this.
Boom!
He does it with perfect technique and speed.
He's one of those storms of athleticism and technique.
And really, you know, started striking once he was already an Olympic judoka.
I mean, that's when he started striking.
So he prefers to keep fights standing just because he's such a fucking specimen.
brendan schaub
Oh, you want to be a vegan?
I'm going to play that tape for you.
Oh, you want to be a vegan?
Here, watch this fight.
joe rogan
Like, in all fairness, when you talk about a style like Jake Shields, it's kind of like what we were talking about, though.
brendan schaub
Could be a worse matchup.
joe rogan
Yeah.
brendan schaub
They were trying to get rid of him.
joe rogan
Well, I don't think so.
They were just trying to give him a fight that was going to be a really tough fight.
brendan schaub
Yeah.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
I mean, look, it's like if you want to be in the top ten and he wanted a title shot, like if he beat, look, what if he caught him with that guillotine the first round and finished it?
You know, he's likely in the short list for a title shot.
If he could finish a guy like Hector Lombard.
brendan schaub
That'd be five in a row, yeah.
joe rogan
But you see a guy like Hector Lombard, that style of fucking sprinting, you can't do it for three rounds.
Can you even do it for five rounds?
bryan callen
I want to see him fight Tyron Woodley.
I think he's going to fight him.
joe rogan
Woodley's fighting Rory, man.
brendan schaub
That's a great fight.
joe rogan
Rory McDonald vs.
Woodley is a fantastic fight.
Amazing fight.
Especially if the Rory that beat Damian Maia shows up.
If Rory is motivated and aggressive, he's got to get the fuck away from Woodley in that first round though, buddy!
unidentified
Woo!
joe rogan
And Woodley, it's, you know, Woodley can move as fast as any fucking human being in the UFC. I don't care if they're 135 pounds.
brendan schaub
I agree.
joe rogan
At 170, that fucking dude can move like a fast 135er.
unidentified
He's just that explosive.
joe rogan
He's as big as you can ever get and be a world-class 170-pounder.
And it's an interesting situation because there's a lot of debate after I talked about it on the broadcast about this body type.
It has its benefits for sure as far as explosion and speed, but it also has a lot of requirements for oxygen.
bryan callen
Oxygen, yeah.
joe rogan
And it's like, can a guy take it deep into the rounds?
What happens if a guy survives fourth and fifth?
Because when Nate beat him, Nate beat him in the fourth round.
Marquardt stopped him in the Strikeforce welterweight title fight.
And that's what happened.
Nate caught him slowing down.
And Nate then was before he's had a couple of these bad knockouts.
Like the knockout against Hector Lombard.
unidentified
Nate's as tough as it gets.
bryan callen
When he fought Tyron Woodley, you're talking about Nate Marquardt.
joe rogan
At his best.
But it's back against the wall, too, because he'd been kicked out of the UFC. Finally gets back into Strikeforce, and he gets a shot at the title at Strikeforce.
It's a big fight, and Nate was primed.
He was in his prime.
But look, a guy like Tyron Woodley, who's a superior athlete, he's just an elite athlete, It's still learning the MMA skills.
But it's like what we were talking about before is that what you're seeing now is guys who are on an athletic level like you've never had the UFC before.
Go back to UFC 1 and you watch some of these guys who are decent athletes, good athletes, tough guys, and had incredible balls to get into the UFC at that time.
Put Tyron Woodley in UFC 1!
It's crazy.
Boyce Gracie ain't taking that dude down.
unidentified
No.
joe rogan
That's not happening.
bryan callen
Nothing's happening.
joe rogan
There's nothing happening.
bryan callen
Just the evolution of the sport.
joe rogan
Yeah.
I mean, if you watch when Tyron Woodley beat Jay Heron, no one existed that could move that fast until recently.
No one existed in the UFC. Within the last five, six years, you start to see these guys trickle in that have that kind of explosion, have that kind of athleticism, that kind of speed.
And Hector is right up there.
It's like Hector and Tyron.
So it's like, as someone who analyzes fights and analyzes, like, there's a point of diminishing returns.
Like, what's the best body type?
Is it super muscular, like Hector Lombard?
Or is it like a Carlos Condit guy that's super durable and can last round after round?
You know, in the Woodley fight we saw, Woodley won.
I mean, he fucked up Tyron's knee.
brendan schaub
It wasn't really a fight.
His leg fell off.
joe rogan
His leg got hurt in the takedown, and then he hurt it again when he leg kicked him.
It's not the same as him beating him with no injuries, but the bottom line is he wins.
You know what I mean?
You can't quantify it the same way as a knockout or a submission.
brendan schaub
It's similar to Kane vs.
Brock Lesnar.
One guy's just swole to the gills.
The other guy, if you saw him with a shirt off, you're like, there's no way you're the best.
joe rogan
Except the fact that Woodley was still there in the second round.
And he was still going at it in the second round.
You're right about that.
bryan callen
There's a balance.
Too muscular has its liabilities.
They add that debate about what's the perfect weight for the heavyweight, like a boxer.
When you get to a certain weight, you start losing speed and power.
So is it 230?
Is it 240?
Is it 235?
It depends on the body.
I think Bo Jackson.
brendan schaub
I'll tell you what.
bryan callen
Remember Bo Jackson at 245?
That freaky athlete.
unidentified
He would have been.
joe rogan
Didn't need lift weights, you know?
bryan callen
No.
brendan schaub
Ridiculous.
bryan callen
He would have been probably, that's probably the optimal.
joe rogan
And you know what he does now?
Bow hunts.
brendan schaub
Yeah, he does.
joe rogan
That's his shit, man.
bryan callen
Talked to him about hunting for, oh, I don't know, about two hours.
joe rogan
Did you?
brendan schaub
When?
joe rogan
When?
unidentified
Hold.
brendan schaub
You saw Bo Jackson, that's what you talked about?
bryan callen
Uh-huh.
brendan schaub
Hunting?
bryan callen
And he talked about killing raccoons.
joe rogan
That's what he wants to talk about.
That's what he wants to talk about.
unidentified
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
Like, he's obsessed with it.
bryan callen
Oh, by the way, we talked about football and baseball, too.
brendan schaub
You better have.
bryan callen
Oh, yeah.
unidentified
Yeah.
brendan schaub
Auburn football, Heisman winner.
bryan callen
You know what he said about football?
He said, well, I never lift the weights when I played football.
He was about 6'2", 245 then.
And I said, what?
He goes, I just strapped it on.
And I just go in there and I hear them whispering, Bo's in the game, Bo's in the game.
And he would just run through dudes.
And he said baseball was way harder.
He thought of it as a very, very cerebral game, way more so.
joe rogan
Here's Bo hunting.
Bo knows hunting.
He's in a tree.
unidentified
Much like myself, Bo not only enjoys hunting big bucks, but he loves to shoot a few arrows in between.
brendan schaub
Shoot a few what?
joe rogan
Arrows.
How bad are these narrators in these fucking hunting shows?
brendan schaub
Can we get better production value?
joe rogan
No, they get a dollar an episode.
Put it together.
You gotta pay for your own flight on Southwest.
You get out there, they're filming this shit with fucking handy cams.
Oh my god, fast forward to this so we don't have to hear it.
Just get to the part where Bo shoots it.
Here he is.
bryan callen
I wonder if he can pull back a 90-pound bow.
joe rogan
He probably doesn't even feel it.
He's moving nice and slow, too.
bryan callen
He's a straight-up killer.
Look at Bo, too.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's a light bow because he's pulling it back nice and slow.
bryan callen
That deer's about an inch high.
Oh, he's in a tree.
joe rogan
Boom.
Yeah.
brendan schaub
Hey, I got an idea.
Next time we bring Bo Jackson up, let's show some highlights of him destroying guys on the football field.
joe rogan
Well, that's what he likes now.
He likes doing that.
brendan schaub
Well, I don't like Bo Jackson anymore.
unidentified
Because Bo Jackson bow hunts?
brendan schaub
Bo Jackson's super boring?
joe rogan
You know what I find is fascinating?
Herschel motherfucking Walker.
Almost 50. Still jacked.
Is he 51?
Well, he had his last fight when he was like 49. Uh-huh.
bryan callen
Uh-huh.
joe rogan
Insane.
bryan callen
And by the way, take a look at his body.
unidentified
Thanks, man.
brendan schaub
There he is against the Broncos doing work.
joe rogan
Shredded.
bryan callen
You don't want to see him sitting in a tree?
joe rogan
He's a super athlete.
bryan callen
Shooting a deer with a bow?
brendan schaub
Herschel Walker's ridiculous.
If he started when he was young, we'd all be in trouble.
We'd all be in trouble.
joe rogan
No shit, right?
brendan schaub
He'd rip people's faces off.
bryan callen
Who's that?
brendan schaub
Herschel Walker.
joe rogan
It's incredible that he had MMA fights in Strikeforce, deep into his 40s.
unidentified
Crazy.
joe rogan
See if you pull up a Hershel Walker MMA fight.
brendan schaub
Let's not get crazy.
joe rogan
Look at that.
48. Let's not get crazy.
unidentified
Oh my god.
brendan schaub
No, he's shredded, but he's fighting Billy from Kinko's, who barely made it to the arena and tossed on a mouthpiece and whooped his ass.
Yeah, but still, he's 48. He wasn't fighting top-notch guys.
joe rogan
Didn't he fight Chad Griggs?
Who did Hershel Walker fight?
brendan schaub
Are you saying Chad Greggs is world class right now?
joe rogan
No, that's not what I'm saying.
He's a very good fighter.
bryan callen
He's a legit fighter.
joe rogan
Chad Greggs is legit.
Don't you shit on him, you son of a bitch.
brendan schaub
I'm not shitting on anybody.
joe rogan
Who's he fighting here?
Someone with a pretty good guard, man.
Oh, yeah, that was the...
unidentified
Damn, he was big.
joe rogan
48 years old here and completely shredded.
There's a difference in athleticism, man, when you get to this level.
When you get to a Herschel Walker, you're dealing with a 1 in 100 million yen game.
brendan schaub
First of all, I talk about this in jiu-jitsu.
There's black belts, and then there's the 1% black belts.
joe rogan
Yeah, exactly.
brendan schaub
Like Bushesha, Hodger.
joe rogan
Hickson.
brendan schaub
Yes, those guys.
So he was...
To make it to the NFL, you're the 1% of all football players.
He was the 1% of 1%ers in the NFL. That's insane.
joe rogan
Insane.
And 1% of 1%ers all time.
brendan schaub
And right now, we're watching him on Strikeforce beat up some poor white guy who has no business being in this.
joe rogan
Scott Carson and Greg Nagy are the guys that he fought.
He never fought Chad Griggs.
My apologies to Mr. Griggs.
bryan callen
He's 48. Calm down, you over there.
brendan schaub
I'm just saying.
I'll take Brian or...
joe rogan
Didn't you fight like some guys that maybe didn't have the...
He's 52. Yeah.
brendan schaub
No, he is a monster.
Don't get me wrong.
joe rogan
He still looks great.
brendan schaub
Yes.
I would take his body over mine right now.
bryan callen
Exercise is a religion to him.
TRT? He doesn't take that.
joe rogan
You sure?
bryan callen
I would be very surprised.
joe rogan
He also says that he only eats a bowl of soup and a salad at dinner.
That's all he eats.
bryan callen
Well, but he eats other stuff.
joe rogan
Oh, that's not what he says.
bryan callen
Exercise has always been a religion to him.
joe rogan
Well, you know, he also had like an issue, a trauma-related issue with like multiple personality disorder.
bryan callen
Oh, I didn't know that.
joe rogan
Yeah, he had something that was going on.
brendan schaub
I heard about this.
joe rogan
Yeah, it was going on before he had an MMA career.
And everybody was like, wait a minute, if he's had a trauma-related multiple personality disorder.
Here, I'll pull that up.
Yeah.
Multiple personality disorder.
Yeah.
brendan schaub
And then he started fighting.
He said, you know what?
I'm bipolar.
Let's take punches in the face.
joe rogan
Yeah.
CNN, way back in...
When was this article out?
In 2008, he put out a book about it.
And it was a book about his multiple personalities.
And they believe that...
I believe it's trauma related.
I should probably Google that too.
I don't think that...
I mean...
brendan schaub
I'll be honest, since I've started fighting, I'm a little more serious.
A little quicker trigger for sure.
If something's getting on my nerves or I'm with someone, I used to be super more laid back, I'd say.
joe rogan
Okay, it says it usually has its roots in childhood trauma.
Okay, so that might not mean head injury.
It might mean, like, abuse.
brendan schaub
Yeah.
joe rogan
Cope with trauma or abuse.
Hmm.
I don't know.
Um...
And also, it has to do with PTSD. So I guess it is talking about abuse, about not physical, not like head.
bryan callen
Being treated.
joe rogan
But I mean, just think about the amount of head trauma that you have to get playing football at a high level.
It's unavoidable.
There's no, right?
You did it.
It's unavoidable.
brendan schaub
Unavoidable.
And really, it's practice.
It's the practice that does it.
joe rogan
How many times do you think you got concussions while playing football?
brendan schaub
I don't know, five or six?
Not that many.
I was smart about it.
joe rogan
You were aware of the risks of it.
unidentified
It's kind of crazy that five or six is like a low end.
brendan schaub
And I played fullback, H-back, where if you guys know the position, you're constantly running five yards.
It's ridiculous now that I think about it.
Five yards apart, you run as fast as you can into that guy with your head first.
That's what I was doing nonstop.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ.
unidentified
That's crazy.
brendan schaub
Again, why wouldn't someone sit me down and be like, Brendan, listen, man, I don't think it's beneficial for your life to run into that guy.
joe rogan
But meanwhile, you had success at that.
That led you to success at MMA. Pay for college, yeah.
bryan callen
Well, I said to him, I asked him if he would have traded his football career in for training at MMA, and he said no.
unidentified
Because it taught you to compete?
brendan schaub
No, not back then.
The competition level wasn't high enough.
bryan callen
No, I'm saying it taught you to...
For sure.
unidentified
It gave you something.
brendan schaub
Dude, I was training with killers.
You're talking about some of the very best athletes in the world, day in, day out competing, weight room competing, on the field competing.
So I just learned mental toughness.
You can't pay for that.
At the time, in 2001, 2000, there wasn't that in MMA. You know what I'm saying?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Wow.
Fun times, boys.
This is a fun fucking podcast.
In three hours, just flew by.
unidentified
Let's do it.
joe rogan
Let's pee my pants.
unidentified
We should analyze the UFCs.
joe rogan
Yeah, let's do some post-UFC podcasts.
We'll do that.
Let's meet in a couple weeks after Jon Jones fights Glover.
brendan schaub
You want to do that?
joe rogan
Not this weekend coming up, but the weekend after that.
bryan callen
I'm down.
brendan schaub
Let's do it.
joe rogan
Yeah, let's do that.
Let's do a post-UFC wrap-up.
We'll sit down and discuss it and talk about the undercard and all the shit that's coming up.
bryan callen
Let's do it.
joe rogan
And how Floyd Mayweather would get tapped out by Ronda Rousey.
bryan callen
There you go.
joe rogan
We didn't even talk about that.
brendan schaub
We didn't even get into it.
joe rogan
How much time do we have left?
How many minutes?
How much minutes do we have left?
unidentified
Five.
joe rogan
We have five minutes?
brendan schaub
We can do this.
joe rogan
Yeah.
brendan schaub
It's not even a comparison.
joe rogan
No.
brendan schaub
It's not even a fight.
joe rogan
If he learned how to have takedown defense, he would have to work on that for a long time.
But the people online are freaking out.
unidentified
About what?
joe rogan
I was on Sports Nation today.
brendan schaub
Great show.
joe rogan
And they asked me.
Great show.
Max Kellerman is fucking awesome.
unidentified
I love that guy.
Smart guy, right?
joe rogan
He's such a good...
unidentified
Knows his boxing.
joe rogan
He's the best boxing commentator ever.
brendan schaub
Do you know he used to be a rapper?
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Him and his brother, right?
brendan schaub
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, his brother was murdered by a boxer that he was a roommate with.
What?
Yeah, it's a terrible story.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
The guy killed him.
Killed him with like a hammer.
Ugh.
Yeah.
bryan callen
What a bummer.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's a...
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
I don't know the full story.
I read it online.
Jesus.
Wow.
brendan schaub
Back to Ronda destroying Floyd Mayweather, that would 100% happen.
joe rogan
It's again like we were talking about.
Like, I can't play tennis.
I don't know how to play tennis.
If I play tennis with someone who knows what they're doing, I'm going to get slaughtered.
If you don't know judo, and if you don't know how to grapple, and you don't know takedown defense, and you let that girl clinch with you, you're going flying.
brendan schaub
Dude, I've seen Ronna get a hold of MMA professional men, 215, 220 pounds, tosses them.
These guys have a clue of what they're doing.
Little lone, you know what I'm saying?
Floyd Mayweather, who has no clue, and he's tiny.
joe rogan
Yeah.
bryan callen
He's tiny.
joe rogan
Yeah, and she's a 150-pound woman, or 145-pound woman.
135 when she fights?
bryan callen
She walks at heavier than 140, too.
brendan schaub
She walks at 150. She never gets out of shape.
She's just shredded all the time.
You should see her mom.
Her mom's on a keyboard all day, jacked, abs, abs, Forearms shredded.
joe rogan
Her mom's a world champion in judo, man.
That's some DNA. That's also some DNA, just like we were talking about those mice.
That shit gets transferred.
brendan schaub
But it only got transferred to her because they're sisters.
They're successful in their arenas, but they're not successful like Ronda in combat sports.
joe rogan
Well, maybe they have that inside them.
They just chose not to pursue it for whatever reason.
Some people, they get weird shit where they don't want to do what their parents did.
brendan schaub
But you know what's weird?
We talk about jeans.
How about Arnold Schwarzenegger's kids?
joe rogan
What do they look like?
brendan schaub
Shit.
They're all skinny.
bryan callen
His daughter's cute.
brendan schaub
They're all super skinny.
unidentified
But you think Arnold Schwarzenegger, you think they're going to be jacked.
Why aren't you doing squats?
You're not doing anything with your glutes, your hamstrings, your back is very narrow.
If you want women to be sexually attracted to you, you want to come inside them, you've got to lift your body, it's going to be strong to lift weights, you've got to run, you've got to do steroids!
joe rogan
Is that his daughter?
bryan callen
His daughter's cute.
joe rogan
Oh, she's a cutie pie.
brendan schaub
Try and find the sons.
I think they're actors.
joe rogan
Let's not shame these poor boys on the podcast.
brendan schaub
Leave it on a positive note.
joe rogan
The girl's attractive.
brendan schaub
The girl's attractive.
joe rogan
I hope he's a great dad.
brendan schaub
The kid who he had with the maid?
joe rogan
The little Mexican dude?
brendan schaub
Jacked!
He got the good genes.
joe rogan
He looks like Conan.
bryan callen
Good combination.
Austrian and Mexican.
unidentified
Survival!
joe rogan
Don't!
What did I say?
What the fuck, man?
bryan callen
Anyway.
brendan schaub
I'm sure these kids are talented.
For the record, I'm sure the kid's super talented.
joe rogan
We don't have to shame his fucking son.
brendan schaub
I'm sure he's super talented.
I'm just saying he's not going to win Mr. Olympia.
That's all I'm saying.
Is that fair?
joe rogan
Well, maybe he would if he started lifting and taking steroids.
bryan callen
It takes a lot of time and steroids.
Nobody's winning Mr. Olympia.
brendan schaub
And jeans.
joe rogan
I'm sure his jeans are okay, but he probably doesn't work out at all.
I mean, if he's, you know...
bryan callen
He's pretty jacked.
brendan schaub
I'll tell you what, the little Mexican guy's gonna be in your next Olympian.
I mean, he is jacked.
joe rogan
He probably doesn't get a chance to hang out with his real dad very much either, and that's probably gotta be a bit of a mindfuck.
brendan schaub
He's in the weight room all the time.
joe rogan
Angry, doing deadlifts, you know?
bryan callen
Anger can go a long way.
joe rogan
Cattlebells.
I wonder if he makes those noises.
bryan callen
That's a good Arnold.
joe rogan
You go to Lyft.
Pumping is better than coming.
You ever hear that from Pumping Iron?
Pumping is better than coming.
I love that movie.
The Fighter and the Kid.
Where can people get it?
brendan schaub
iTunes, SoundCloud.
unidentified
Yep.
brendan schaub
Fox Sports 1. Website?
We don't have a website.
bryan callen
We need a website because now that we're on Fox Sports 1. What year are you bitches living in?
I know.
We do have a website, but now that we're on Fox Sports 1, we do not have it.
brendan schaub
Fox Sports 1. For sure, you get that right.
bryan callen
We do not have it.
brendan schaub
iTunes, though.
You can find us on iTunes.
Find the Kid.
Follow Brian and I. At Brendan Schaub.
At Brian Callen.
We post all sorts of stuff.
bryan callen
And we do lots of videos on Instagram.
joe rogan
What's up with them censoring your podcast?
That's whack as fuck.
You know this is the internet.
bryan callen
I agree.
This is nonsense.
brendan schaub
It's because it's Fox.
It's the big producers on Fox.
joe rogan
Look how much fun we had today.
Look how much fun you guys had being buck wild.
donald cerrone
Fox needs to just put a fucking warning on it.
joe rogan
Take the reins off of us.
bryan callen
Take the reins off us.
unidentified
Warning.
brendan schaub
Brian and Brendan are fucking awesome.
joe rogan
They want it to be on the internet, but they want it censored.
That is so hilarious.
It's like, we want a rated X movie, but with no fucking.
unidentified
Right.
joe rogan
It's dumb.
bryan callen
We're bringing up a lot of these issues to them.
joe rogan
They need to drop it.
bryan callen
We're having a serious talk with them.
joe rogan
Look, I have real sponsors that are like real companies.
You guys can have real sponsors too.
You can swear.
It's just words coming out of your mouth.
Just don't show any pornography or anything really ridiculous.
bryan callen
I agree.
joe rogan
Come on, Fox.
brendan schaub
Brian, don't wear those tight-ass jeans.
joe rogan
Yeah, don't show.
bryan callen
They got you going a little bit, didn't they?
joe rogan
Don't show Mr. Sharp your cock.
Your cack!
bryan callen
My cack!
brendan schaub
Get your dick out of my face.
bryan callen
I dated a girl from Boston one time and said, I like your cack.
joe rogan
No, you didn't.
bryan callen
That never happened.
joe rogan
Thanks to LegalZoom.
Thanks for sponsoring the podcast.
Go to LegalZoom.com and use the code word ROGAN in the referral box.
For more savings.
Thanks also to NatureBox.
Go to NatureBox.com slash Rogan.
That's NatureBox.com slash Rogan and save 50% off your first box.
Thanks also to Onnit.com.
Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements.
We'll be back tomorrow with David Seaman.
And I'll see you guys in Atlanta this weekend.
Show sold out.
Me and Joey Diaz.
And we'll also be there for the Fox Night at the Fights.
The UFC on Saturday night.
Travis Brown versus Fabricio Verdun.
bryan callen
Oh, I want to see that!
joe rogan
Donald Cowboy Cerrone versus Edson Barbosa.
Misha Tate and Liz Carmouche.
We'll see you Fox tomorrow.
Bye.
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