March 26, 2014 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:52:04
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hello, freaks! | ||
| This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Ting. | ||
| Ting has a new thing going on right now as we speak. | ||
| There's a new contest going on where they're giving away an iPhone 5 to one lucky Joe Rogan Podcast listener. | ||
| To enter, go to rogan.ting.com, fill out the savings calculator, and see how much you'd save using Ting. | ||
| Tweet how much you'd save to at Joe Rogan with the hashtag... | ||
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| That's like the little pound sign. | ||
| It used to be pound. | ||
| Pound Ting, and the winner will be announced Friday, April 4th, U.S. residents only. | ||
| Very ironic for those who live in Canada, because although Ting is an awesome cell phone company, it doesn't work in Canada. | ||
| It works in Canada, but you can't live in Canada and buy it. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I don't understand anything. | ||
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| What they have is a Sprint Backbone. | ||
| They use Sprint, they rent time on the Sprint network, but they do it all their way with no contracts, no early terminations fees, no bundling or ride-along services. | ||
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| I've done no research of my own to verify this. | ||
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| That's O-N-N-I-T. Lots of new shit going on with Onnit. | ||
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|
unidentified
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Alright, that's it. | |
| Let's keep it brief. | ||
| Adam Kroll's here. | ||
| We're running out of time. | ||
| Cue the music. | ||
|
unidentified
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Cue it. | |
| Cue it, Jamie. | ||
| Do it, Jamie. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan experience train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day Adam Carolla I saw you looking. | ||
| You want some of this? | ||
| I was looking for some coffee. | ||
| This is coffee with grass-fed butter and MCT oil mixed into it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| Do you know what that is? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, the idea behind it, it was apparently invented by a guy named Rob Wolf and then made popular by another guy named Dave Asprey. | ||
| And what it is is the grass-fed butter and the MCT oil provide healthy fats mixed in with the coffee and it allows a slow burn of the caffeine. | ||
| So instead of that big crash that you get, you don't get the big crash because your body has to absorb the fats that are blended in with the caffeine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very nice. | ||
| It's sweet. | ||
| Very nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, what I do is I simply eat cows that have been fed coffee grounds. | ||
| That's a way to do it, a roundabout way. | ||
| So I have like a cappuccino porterhouse or whatever. | ||
| Like instead of the grass-fed beef... | ||
| I just feed them just straight Sumatra beans, straight from Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, and then I'll eat that cow. | ||
| I would go to that steak joint, by the way. | ||
| The coffee-fed cows. | ||
| Fuck Kobe, just coffee-fed cows. | ||
| A bunch of cows all jittery, sitting around, scratching at their udders and scraping themselves up against the fence. | ||
| But I would definitely eat that cow. | ||
| Sounds like a great idea, actually. | ||
| I wonder if it would have some sort of effect on the meat. | ||
| I don't know, but I'm in, man. | ||
| I'm in, too. | ||
| Let's open it. | ||
| Let's do it together. | ||
|
unidentified
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Let's do it. | |
| A joint podcast business. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to also... | ||
| Tell me if you're down with this. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The best part of going out and eating Italian food is when the chick comes by with that little silver bucket that has the Parmesan cheese in it. | ||
| And she does say, would you like a little Parmesan on that pasta? | ||
| And you go, fuck yeah, I'd like a little Parmesan on that pasta. | ||
| And she takes the spoon out and she kind of flicks it around the top. | ||
| You never quite have the balls to go, sweetie, I need a second dip. | ||
| Is that good? | ||
| And you go, yeah, that's good. | ||
| I realize half the time when people say you're good, I'm not good, but I just say I'm good anyway. | ||
| And then she walks away. | ||
| And then you eat the spaghetti, but you eat the top. | ||
| You take the Parmesan off the top, and at some point you get down to the middle, and now you're Parmesan-less. | ||
| I would open a restaurant where that bitch came back a second time, and it's just called More Parmesan. | ||
| It's mediocre Italian food, but here's the rub. | ||
| The chick comes back a second time and goes, can I top off some of that shit that I didn't hit the first time around? | ||
| Isn't there a point of diminishing return with cheese? | ||
| Like, there gets to be a point where you don't want half cheese, half pasta. | ||
| That would be a wreck. | ||
| No, but the ratio is too great with the cheese at the beginning, and then you're cheeseless. | ||
|
unidentified
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Hmm. | |
| In the middle to the end. | ||
| I just want that last dusting. | ||
| Just that crop dust. | ||
| I always feel it's like life. | ||
| It's more exciting and fascinating in the beginning. | ||
| In the end, you're just sort of maintaining. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you in maintenance mode? | ||
| No, I'm fine. | ||
|
unidentified
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Okay, good. | |
| Everything seems good. | ||
| Good. | ||
| I like your digs. | ||
| Last time I came to your place, I was at your place, and now I'm at your new place. | ||
| Yeah, we got tired of bringing weirdos over to my house. | ||
| After a while, I realized. | ||
| No, I had Andy Dick come over to my house. | ||
| And devour all of my lunch meats and thinly sliced provolone cheese. | ||
| You know the stuff you get from the Italian deli that comes wrapped up in the paper, in the white paper? | ||
| The nice stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's a weird thing, and I don't know how you feel about this, but... | ||
| I grew up poor and hungry. | ||
| Like, I was fucking hungry all the time. | ||
| And food was a big deal. | ||
| And I had to mooch a lot of food off of other people. | ||
| Go to other people's houses and mooch their food. | ||
| At lunch, it was always bumming. | ||
| You know, hey, you're going to finish that sandwich? | ||
| Got to eat that sandwich. | ||
| You know, it's like always mooching and bumming. | ||
| Henry's Tacos over here in North Hollywood, when I was a kid, I used to go there and get the broken taco shells. | ||
| I'd go, they make hard shell tacos, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got any broken shells? | ||
| They'd go, yeah, some of them break. | ||
| I'd go, give me the broken shells. | ||
| They'd give me the broken shells. | ||
| I'd go, give me some hot sauce. | ||
| They'd go, here's some hot sauce. | ||
| It's free. | ||
| I'd go, can I have a cup of water? | ||
| A cup of water, and I'd just sit there eating my own fucking nachos for free. | ||
| It sucked at the time, though. | ||
| It was like, alright, I'm getting free food. | ||
| I was always crazy with food, and if somebody ever gets into my shit, I'm okay with it, but there was something about the lunch meat. | ||
| Andy Dick came over, and he's like, you got any cheese? | ||
| You got any lunch meat? | ||
| And he stood in my kitchen, and he was just taking big handfuls of it and just shoving it in his face. | ||
| And then later on, When we did the podcast, he lit up a cigar, smoked half of it in my office, and then kept the other half, but he never retrieved it, and it rolled behind my printer, and then my house smelled like smoked lunch meats and smoked cigars and Andy Dick for the next week, and I was like, it's time to move it to the studio. | ||
| It's time to go to the warehouse. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| I probably... | ||
| It's so weird, because at the time you don't think to write anything down, but I probably started from my den in my house, and I probably lasted about three or four months, and then I moved it to my warehouse. | ||
| And what year did you start podcasting? | ||
| You started right when the radio show was done? | ||
| Yeah, in February 2009. Isn't it funny that that was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to you, is the radio show being done? | ||
| Because that radio show being done let you just completely be you, not worry about nothing, say whatever the fuck you want, and your podcast became the biggest podcast in the world directly as a result of that. | ||
| You went right from one right into the other, and it became better. | ||
| Well, you know... | ||
| We like to get philosophical, which is what I always dig about doing your show. | ||
| And everyone spends their life fearful and trying to avoid change. | ||
| And they look at change as a negative all the time. | ||
| Like, I want to keep my job. | ||
| I want to keep my house. | ||
| I want to keep my car. | ||
| I want to keep my wife. | ||
| I want to keep, you know, unless you start making some real cash and then it's time for change. | ||
| But what I'm saying is, we spend our whole lives sort of hanging on to whatever we're hanging on to, our youth, our whatever. | ||
| It's don't change. | ||
| And then when somebody gets fired or somebody gets, you know, for me, I tried to be a groundling. | ||
| And after a certain point, the groundling said, you're not going to make it. | ||
| And you're gone. | ||
| And I was heartbroken and devastated. | ||
| And I've had girlfriends dump me. | ||
| And I was heartbroken. | ||
| I was dead. | ||
| And I've been fired from jobs. | ||
| Oh my God, I had a terrestrial radio gig and it paid tons of cash and I had a big contract. | ||
| And now you're done. | ||
| So you spend... | ||
| Your entire life, basically, fearful and trying to avoid change. | ||
| But my question to you is, when has change ever been bad? | ||
| When has it ever slowed you down? | ||
| Doesn't it just open up other opportunities? | ||
| And can't you look back on your life at a million times that things have changed and then almost immediately we're better after that change? | ||
| Sure, your girlfriend dumps you and you're bummed out, beaten off in a heap of tears for six weeks or months, and then you meet a hotter chick or a different chick or a smarter chick. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Same with the job. | ||
| Your entire journey of life. | ||
| What is no change? | ||
| No change is working at the same postal sorting place in Illinois for 41 years. | ||
| That's no change. | ||
| So even though we're always freaked out by change, it's usually a good thing and it's basically life. | ||
| For people with the right attitude who do the right things right after a change, definitely. | ||
| But some people allow change to beat the fuck out of them and they never recover. | ||
| There's people that got dumped in high school. | ||
| And we're never the same human being afterwards. | ||
| There's people that just never recovered from getting fired from the first good job they had, and they got a pill addiction or whatever the fuck. | ||
| There's people that got one divorce, and they lost all their money, and they just start drinking. | ||
| They just, fuck this. | ||
| I'll throw it all away now. | ||
| No, and I agree, and those people need to change. | ||
| And those people... | ||
| I mean, you ever talk to those dudes that are hanging on to some shit from... | ||
| 20 years ago? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| I can't talk to someone who's hanging out with some shit from two weeks ago. | ||
| Like, cut it out. | ||
| You know, Dr. Drew, when he first started doing Loveline a million years ago, he worked with a dude called The Poor Man. | ||
| I remember that guy. | ||
| And... | ||
| Poor man got himself fired. | ||
| And I don't know all the ins and outs, but he sent a bunch of listeners over to Bean of Kevin and Bean's house, gave him his address, that came out to his lawn. | ||
| What a douchebag. | ||
| Well, he did a few things that, you know, the management wasn't happy about. | ||
| Were they enemies, him and Bean, or was it just for a goof? | ||
| I think Bean was screwing with poor man, and poor man was screwing with Bean, but it's like... | ||
| It's like I was tickling you and you were tickling me and then I walked away and you took a snow shovel and hit me over the head with it. | ||
| And whatever it is, he crossed the line. | ||
| And at some point, the management just went, well, we're making a change. | ||
| And poor man, you're out. | ||
| And Ricky Rackman, you're in. | ||
| And, okay, Ricky Rackman took over. | ||
| And it was Dr. Drew and Ricky Rackman. | ||
| And poor man always wanted Dr. Drew to hold out or quit with him or whatever he wanted him to do. | ||
| I don't even know all the details. | ||
| Now, three years later, I showed up. | ||
| And I took over for Ricky Rackman. | ||
| Six months ago, I was doing one of my, like, Mangria tasting events in Manhattan, and somebody who was affiliated with the poor man was dispatched to come to the event and sort of corner me and hold a microphone in front of me and say, like, what do you think of the poor man, and what do you think of Dr. Drew, and all that. | ||
| And I started thinking to myself, Jesus fucking Christ, it's been 20 years. | ||
| And when I say 20 years, I mean 22 years. | ||
| I thought, let it go, man. | ||
| Move on to whatever you're moving on to. | ||
| I don't know if you got screwed or you didn't get screwed. | ||
| We all get screwed at some point or another. | ||
| Move it on. | ||
| And I think she said... | ||
| Is there anything you'd like to say to poor man? | ||
| And by the way, all I did was fill in, all I did was take over for the guy who took over for him. | ||
| I don't even have any association with him. | ||
| And I just said, may the next 20 years be as fruitful as the last. | ||
| Always a good thing to say to someone, but in context. | ||
| Yes, in context. | ||
| So I guess some people move on better than others, but people, if you're staring in your rearview mirror and you never stop looking at that thing and all you want is for that thing to make you whole again... | ||
| You just keep driving and getting further away. | ||
| The years just keep wearing on. | ||
| And that thing you're staring at, that thing's moved on. | ||
| Yeah, patterns of thoughts can be really good if you're just one of those guys that develops a really good pattern of thought. | ||
| Dust yourself off! | ||
| Alright, you fucking keep moving by default. | ||
| And we're going to fucking use this. | ||
| It's going to be fuel. | ||
| And from here on out, things are going to be way better because there's no losses. | ||
| There's only lessons. | ||
| We learned our lesson, we're moving on. | ||
| And then there's the other person that by default fucking always happens to me, man. | ||
| Always happens to me. | ||
| I'm so tired of the world fucking me over. | ||
|
unidentified
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She leaves me and right when my fucking boss fought. | |
| You know, all the same nonsense. | ||
| No, I always love the... | ||
| I love the, why'd you get fired? | ||
| I got fired because I do the work of five dudes and the boss felt threatened. | ||
| It's like, yeah. | ||
| Has that ever happened? | ||
| No. | ||
| I've been the boss a lot of times. | ||
| I fire the guys who do the work of half a dude, not five dudes. | ||
| Yeah, but you're a nice guy. | ||
| You're a nice guy. | ||
| There are some people that don't like you doing better than them. | ||
| If they're in a position of power, they will fuck you over. | ||
| There are always, you know, I say... | ||
| There are always people who are out there to fuck you over. | ||
| Your chances, there's a chance that you can be hit by a drunk driver when you're just sitting in an intersection, you know, minding your own business. | ||
| Just this guy is, you know,.275, blows through a red light, is completely blottoed and just puts you in a wheelchair or a casket. | ||
| I mean, there is that opportunity. | ||
| It's out there for everyone. | ||
| And then there's the chance that you win the lottery. | ||
| Or your dad is Jerry Jones and owns a professional sports franchise. | ||
| And when he dies, he's going to give the Dallas Cowboys to you. | ||
| That's not going to be anybody we know. | ||
| They'll be the high, they'll be the low. | ||
| Almost everyone we know will live in the middle. | ||
| And the middle is, you get the dickhead boss that has it out for you. | ||
| You get the girlfriend that dumps you, cheated on you, and then you have the best friend who did you a solid, and the boss who was a really cool guy, and the landlord that was cool, and the landlord that is a dick. | ||
| You're just going to live in the middle. | ||
| So when you're in the middle, and once you've decided you're not blessed, you're not cursed, you're just in the middle, now you get to control your own destiny. | ||
| I firmly believe that without all those fuck-ups, the honey isn't as sweet. | ||
| You have to get dumped. | ||
| If you don't get dumped, if I was still with the same girl that I didn't want to get dumped by when I was 17, my life would be horrifying. | ||
| It would be a horrible disaster. | ||
| We were not compatible. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Who were you compatible with at 17? | ||
|
unidentified
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Exactly! | |
| Who is compatible with anybody at 17? | ||
| I wasn't at... | ||
| You think about it, like you hear about these people, you know, we're 23, we're going to get married. | ||
| Think about where your fucking head was at at 23. Oh, God. | ||
| Nowhere. | ||
| It was in the clouds. | ||
| I mean, I don't even know that guys should be allowed to get married before 30. Yeah, I don't think you can think straight. | ||
| First off, it's amazing that you're an adult and just how fucking stupid you are when you're 22 or 23 as a dude. | ||
| Also, in terms of your understanding of a woman or giving her what she needs or responsibility or responsibility yourself, family, that kind of stuff, no fucking way. | ||
| Especially if you don't have a close relationship to some women, either women that you're friends with or you grew up with or preferably sisters or a close relationship with your mother. | ||
| If you're a guy that grows up with his dad and mom's out of the picture and you're supposed to learn women, good fucking luck. | ||
| It's like showing up at a school in Mexico and trying to take first-year Spanish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody's fucking way ahead of you, man. | ||
| They're way ahead of you. | ||
| We don't understand each other until deep into our 30s, as far as men and women kind of understanding that this other person, they have a completely different way of thinking. | ||
| There's a completely different wiring under the board. | ||
| And you press a button that you'd press on a guy and get a positive response. | ||
| And someone's mad at you. | ||
| And you have to kind of figure out what to say, what not to say, and what to tease about, and what you can't tease about ever. | ||
| I... When I... I didn't have a real close relationship with my family, but when I was about 19 or 20, I was... | ||
| Doing construction. | ||
| I was, you know, doing construction. | ||
| I mean, I was picking up garbage on a construction site and digging ditches and, you know, basically just a glorified goomper, you know, just like literally. | ||
| You think of it as, oh, you're a bunch of guys wearing hard hats and putting together I-beams and girders. | ||
| No, it's just me walking around picking up garbage, you know. | ||
| That's kind of sweeping shit and stacking drywall, you know. | ||
| I was probably making about $7 or $8 an hour. | ||
| And my dad said to me, you're going to have trouble with women. | ||
| And I was like, why? | ||
| And he's like, I was married to your mom and you were raised by your mom and there's going to be issues here. | ||
| And he said, I'm going to find you a shrink and I'll pay for half and you pay for half. | ||
| Now, it is insane when you make $8 an hour and you're sitting down with someone who gets $100 an hour for 50 minutes. | ||
| It's the most insane thing in the world. | ||
| It was literally like five hours of work for me to sit down with this woman in Beverly Hills and discuss my problems when I was 20. And what kind of problems did you have that were so unusual that you had to sit down and shrink? | ||
| My dad, who comes from that kind of world, basically said, you need to sit down with a woman and you need to establish a relationship with a woman. | ||
| That's a good relationship. | ||
| Basically saying, it's not so much the information that you're going to get from her, but it's the relationship that you're going to have with her. | ||
| So the fact that she's the position of authority and that she's intelligent and she's rational and then you have to see her and you sort of raise your bar on women because of that? | ||
| Yeah, not so much raising the bar, but just like you have never had... | ||
| A positive, consistent relationship with something that has a vagina. | ||
| And you need to have that. | ||
| So he basically saw trouble in your future. | ||
| He did. | ||
| And he knew that, well, I didn't have that with my mom, and I didn't really have that with my grandma, and I wasn't really having that with anybody around me, and that this needed to be established. | ||
| That's some deep insight by your dad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was kind of interesting. | ||
| I mean, it is kind of his bag. | ||
| You know, it's kind of his thing. | ||
| But it was... | ||
| And, you know, it's one of these things where it's like a multivitamin. | ||
| You know, I always tell people, like, therapy is like a multivitamin. | ||
| They're like, does it work? | ||
| Does it not work? | ||
| I go, do you feel different? | ||
| I go, I don't know. | ||
| When you take a multivitamin, do you feel different? | ||
| Or are you just being active in your health? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you're participating in your health. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, obviously when you take a Quaalude, you feel different. | ||
| But when you take a multivitamin, I don't know if you feel different. | ||
| It's part of... | ||
| But you should take that multivitamin. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Be active in it. | ||
| I always thought, you know, half of therapy is you physically getting up and going, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| To therapy and participating in that aspect of your life. | ||
| So the therapy wasn't like, it's not something like, holy shit, dude, you need fucking therapy. | ||
| It was more like, you know, it's good to take a vitamin. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like if your dad was into holistic health and he said, here's some herbs. | ||
|
unidentified
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Take these. | |
| These motherfuckers drive me crazy. | ||
| The idea that some douchebag who's got an ancient book on leaves knows more than some fucking dude who spent his entire life studying diseases... | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes. | |
| And they have some really good modern cures. | ||
| But no, Shithead over here wants to give you some holistic cure that may or may not work. | ||
| Well, here's the whole thing about the holistic stuff for me, and it's sort of the wisdom of the Orient and all that kind of bullshit. | ||
| To me, it's like this. | ||
| If you don't have a real problem, then it'll cure... | ||
| Whatever your non-real problem is. | ||
| If your real problem is just some sort of fatigue that's based on depression or based on something that's going on emotionally in your life, basically it's living in your head, but you say, oh, my joints ache and I have trouble getting out of bed, and I give you a magic pill that has a little bit of whisker of the cat in it, then that'll work on you. | ||
| Now, if you've got a real problem... | ||
| I do a podcast with a guy named Brian. | ||
| Brian has a tumor on his brain stem. | ||
| And he's got a real problem. | ||
| That's a different problem. | ||
| And he takes medication that stops the growth of that tumor. | ||
| It was experimental at the time. | ||
| But if that tumor grows, then he's dead within six months. | ||
| And he's 30 years old. | ||
| So when you have a tumor on the base of your spine or the top of your spine and the base of your brain that's inoperable, whisker of the cat and the fucking hair of the newt is not going to fucking heal that shit for you. | ||
| Rhino horn for boners. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| No. | ||
| That doesn't work if you have a real problem. | ||
| That's the best combination. | ||
| The best comparison, rather, is rhino horn versus cialis. | ||
| One of them only works in your mind, and you're like, well, I feel more virile. | ||
| And the other one gives you a steel rod in your pants for a solid day. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You have a choice, whether you want to go with voodoo or that little blue thing. | ||
| Well, the rhino horn should be a strap-on rhino horn. | ||
| You should get the whole horn. | ||
| Forget about grinding it up into a fucking powder and putting it in your teeth. | ||
| Just give me the whole fucking horn. | ||
| I'll put a bicycle inner tube around it, wrap it once around the balls, and nail over the fucking horn. | ||
| Could you imagine how horrible it would be if men had hard-ons all the time, like a horn? | ||
| It wasn't a biological process that you had to engage in your head. | ||
| All factors have to be right, and anything that's wrong... | ||
| Fear, boner shuts down. | ||
| Drunk, the boner shuts down. | ||
| All these things happen, your boner shuts down. | ||
| The complex biological process that is the erection. | ||
| If we just had a rhino horn, and we could just fuck all the time, what a wreck it would be on Earth. | ||
| Everyone would have callous dicks. | ||
| We'd have caked calluses all around the outsides of our dicks. | ||
| There would be all these places, instead of mani-pedi places, there would be places that would remove the calluses so you could enjoy pleasure with your dick again. | ||
| I'm going to step up your apocalyptic... | ||
| Boner, future, nightmare scenario. | ||
| I'm going to fucking turn this one up to 11. Then... | ||
| Imagine if there were boner poachers. | ||
| And they're like, hey, some guy in Japan wants to make some soup out of Rogan's cock because he thinks it's going to make his cock harder. | ||
| Rogan's a virile guy. | ||
| He's into the MMA. So next thing you know, you're looking over your shoulder because there's some dude, and you don't know if he's a game warden or if he's on your side or their side. | ||
| But every time the sun goes down, you've got to worry about the cock poachers. | ||
| Could you imagine, there is no way to grow your dick, but could you imagine if the only way to grow your dick would be sucking dicks? | ||
| You'd have to run around and suck as many dicks as possible to get your dick bigger. | ||
| But it did work. | ||
| So a girl, when you pull your pants out, she'd look at your dick and she would know for a fact, wow, that's a great dick, but this guy most likely sucked a lot of cocks to get that dick so big. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, then you'd have to explain that that's just sort of born this way, God's gift. | ||
| Your dad and grandpa have huge cocks. | ||
| They never suck cocks. | ||
| Maybe you wouldn't want to protest that much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You'd have to lie about it a little bit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like bodybuilders and steroids. | ||
| I don't know if the chick would assume that, but it would be an interesting thing to find out a survey of straight guys that Which is, if you could grow your cock by sucking cock, would you be in and down for that? | ||
| It would be like, how much does it grow, too? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If every dick you sucked, it grew an inch. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| There'd be a long negotiation about swallowing, about length, about are we metric or standard here? | ||
| Are we going millimeters? | ||
| Are we going by the inch? | ||
| How do we do it? | ||
| I always say this. | ||
| Everyone talks about your dick, your dick size, you measure the dick. | ||
| How do you measure the dick? | ||
| I say this. | ||
| It should be standardized. | ||
| You measure your cock this way. | ||
| You heard it on Joe Rogan's show, once and for all. | ||
| The official way to do it, use a cloth measuring tape. | ||
| Center of the anus. | ||
| What? | ||
| Hear me out. | ||
| Center of the anus, once around the ball, to just past the tip. | ||
| Just past the tip. | ||
| Just past the tip. | ||
| That's the official way I measure my cock, and I think it should be a standard. | ||
| That's very generous of you. | ||
| That's the way you measure cock. | ||
| I've heard he's supposed to measure from the bottom, and I think that's ridiculous. | ||
| No, center of anus. | ||
| Don't cheat it back. | ||
| Go center. | ||
| Once around the balls, just past the tip. | ||
| Let me ask you another thing, Joe. | ||
| Cock-related. | ||
| Tell me if you'd be down with this. | ||
| I've given this a lot of thought, a lot more thought than I'm really comfortable admitting, but I had this idea where... | ||
| We do a water displacement test on every guy over 18. You're hard cock. | ||
| Into a graduated cylinder. | ||
| Filled to the top with water. | ||
| Through just a very thin sheet of stainless steel. | ||
| Lower you down. | ||
| And we literally see how much water is displaced by your tumescent cock. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Now, this factors in girth and length and everything else. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it would be a volume issue. | ||
| It would be a volume thing. | ||
| This is water displacement. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Once we do that... | |
| We do it for every male in America over the age of 18. You then are issued a windbreaker. | ||
| That windbreaker has your ranking on it. | ||
| Not how much water you displace, not how big your cock is, but out of, let's say, there's 100 million males that are over the age of 18 in the United States, what place you come in. | ||
| Number one, That'd be a pretty fucking good windbreaker to have. | ||
| You'd also... | ||
| Anybody who was in the top ten would be making the fucking rounds on the late night shows. | ||
| And each year, you know, there's two, three, five million guys turning 18. It all has to be recalibrated every year. | ||
| Do you think dicks are getting bigger? | ||
| If you saw a graph of how big dicks used to be in the 20s in 2014. Well, you know, if people are getting bigger, I'm sure proportionately we are. | ||
| So the point is this. | ||
| You may be number one, but there's always some guy turning 18. I mean, there's a thousand guys just turned 18 the time I said that. | ||
| And they're getting tested. | ||
| And there's a big reveal. | ||
| And for one month... | ||
| Everybody's got to wear that windbreaker wherever they are. | ||
| No one's going to wear that thing for a month. | ||
| That's the rule. | ||
| 2,999,000. | ||
| It's starting at 100 million. | ||
| Somebody's going to be last. | ||
| Well, there's 300 million people in the country, so 150 million plus, minus. | ||
| Right, but then you've got to go 18-year-old. | ||
| But let's just call it 100 million people. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And for my money... | ||
| The number one dude is going to do all the late night shows, and the last dude, he's going to make the rounds, too. | ||
| Did you ever see that one guy that has the biggest cock in the world, apparently? | ||
| He went to the TSA, like he was wearing sweatpants, and they accused him of trying to smuggle something. | ||
| The guy's got a giant hog, and apparently it was all over these news reports. | ||
| He's a white guy, too. | ||
| Pasty-looking white guy. | ||
| Yeah, I think his name is Jonah Falcon or something like that. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
| I think I saw a documentary or something. | ||
| Do you remember in the porn days, and it's not saying that John Holmes doesn't have a big dick. | ||
| He definitely has a big dick. | ||
| But remember when we were kids and we would watch porn, if you saw John Holmes, you'd be like, holy shit, that's a big dick. | ||
| Jonah Falcon. | ||
| So sad. | ||
| Frisked by TSA. By the way, ask me who the vice president is. | ||
| I'm like, uh... | ||
| Nancy Reagan? | ||
| Oh, fuck, man. | ||
| I didn't know it was going to be a history quiz. | ||
| But Big Cox? | ||
| I'm fucking your man. | ||
| John Holmes used to have a giant dick, but now that's pretty standard. | ||
| There's a lot of those guys with big giant dicks, especially the black ones. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Well, I got a theory about... | ||
| Big, giant, black dicks. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| Tough tales nicely into my windbreaker theory. | ||
| I got a theory about that. | ||
| And it is the following. | ||
| First off... | ||
| How dare you besmirch a good name of Johnny Watt Holmes? | ||
| Because he did have a big dick. | ||
| And it's still big by today's big dick standard. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| But as far as black guys having big dicks in porn, I think that's a form of porn racism. | ||
| And I'll tell you why. | ||
| I think if you show up onto a porn set as a black guy with a medium-sized cock, fair to middling, you know, I got six and a half inches here, they send you packing. | ||
| They're like, we don't need black guys with small cocks. | ||
| We only need black guys with big cocks. | ||
| We can take a white guy with a medium cock, but we can't take a black guy. | ||
| Why bother getting fucked by a black guy if the guy's got a medium cock? | ||
| You see what I'm saying? | ||
| I think they're discriminated against. | ||
| So I think we think the only huge cock we've seen is in porn. | ||
| It's on black guys. | ||
| They won't let average-sized cocked black men in. | ||
| And I dream of a future where my children can watch pornography and see black guys with medium-sized cocks, you know, balls deep, and junky coked-up blondes. | ||
| Hear, hear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a future to wish for. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you remember, you were talking about Ricky Rackman earlier, do you remember the Conway and Steckler show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| That was a great show, right? | ||
| Yeah, I love Conway and Steckler, yeah. | ||
| And didn't Ricky Rackman punch Steckler? | ||
| Steckler the old dude? | ||
| Oh, yeah, I think he did. | ||
| Because Steckler used to, like, mock his show. | ||
| They would make fun of his show. | ||
| I think I did, yes. | ||
| He had, like, the Triple R Ricky Rackman radio or something like that. | ||
| And there was a lot of that back in the day. | ||
| Like, way back in the day when Kimmel was... | ||
| When we were doing mornings, not me and him, but on Kevin and Bean, and he was making fun of somebody. | ||
| This guy... | ||
| This guy came into the studio and just started choking him. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Like, literally just... | ||
| Tried to throttle him. | ||
| For no reason? | ||
| Just he heard him on the air? | ||
| Like... | ||
| You know, the thing about radio is it was real-time, and it was back in the day, and I'd had situations where I'd, like, said, you know, David Arquette's nuts. | ||
| He's insane. | ||
| I think he should be institutionalized and shit like that. | ||
| and then walked out of the studio during a commercial break, and David Arquette is standing there going, I was driving home from the Lakers game on the 10 freeway. | ||
| I was listening to the love line. | ||
| I heard you call me insane. | ||
| Then when Dr. Drew said, aren't you worried he's going to come over here and punch you, you laughed and said, he's too nuts. | ||
| He couldn't find this place. | ||
| He literally told his driver to pull over, get off the freeway, and drove right to us. | ||
| He was literally standing there. | ||
| Was he mad or was he laughing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was both, which I've had a few times. | ||
| It's just an insane thing. | ||
| It's like you pick a random celebrity, talk about how nutty you think they are, and then 10 minutes later, open that door and they're standing there. | ||
| Yeah, I've always worried that I run into Steven Dorff and I have to explain that I was only joking about his fucking commercial. | ||
| Like, I don't really hate you, dude. | ||
| Yeah, those dorky commercials. | ||
| But you know they're dorky, man. | ||
| If they weren't your commercials, you'd be mocking them, too. | ||
| Cut the shit. | ||
| I... I liked him in Blade. | ||
| He was awesome in Blade. | ||
| I've had... | ||
| Listen, I... You know, the idea that... | ||
| First off, I don't know how you are, but... | ||
| People send me shit all the time. | ||
| They're like, oh, check out Andy Kindler talking all kinds of shit about you, calling you Hitler and this, that, and the other. | ||
| Here's a link. | ||
| Listen to it. | ||
| And I just go... | ||
| Why do I need to go to a link where someone is talking shit about me? | ||
| I'm not interested in that. | ||
| Most people have a morbid curiosity about it. | ||
| I'm sure that there are plenty of people that call me an asshole or who think I'm an asshole or both. | ||
| I'm not interested in stopping them from doing it or curing them of that problem. | ||
| I don't know how you feel. | ||
| I don't seek anything out about myself because I know with a ratio of 10 positive things to one shitty thing, and if the one shitty thing is going to fuck your day up, don't bother putting your name in the Google search and seeing what's coming up. | ||
| But I assume people... | ||
| Are saying shitty things about me all the time. | ||
| Well, some most certainly will. | ||
| Especially if you're out in the public eye. | ||
| And it's definitely a good idea. | ||
| I think I agree with you 100%. | ||
| Don't go searching negative shit about yourself. | ||
| It's not fun. | ||
| But David Arquette was in his car, right? | ||
| So he just heard you. | ||
| It's kind of funny what he did. | ||
| It was funny, yeah. | ||
| It was perfect because we were in Culver City. | ||
| You have to sort of know the lay of the land out here. | ||
| We were in Culver City. | ||
| He had gone to a Lakers game. | ||
| I guess it's a staple center. | ||
| He was driving back to where him and Courtney Cox live in Malibu. | ||
| He had a town car. | ||
| The Lakers game ended at, you know, 10 o'clock and Loveline started at 10 o'clock. | ||
| And he was in his town car at 10.20, driving past... | ||
| I mean, Culver City was a block away from the 10 freeway, and he's listening to Loveline, and he's telling his driver, get off here, turn off right now, turn off right now, and turn left, and I'll be at the studio, and there he was. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So how did you guys end it? | ||
| Did it get weird? | ||
| No. | ||
| So he laughed at some point in time, there was laughter? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Yes, it did not end in a violent... | ||
| He's got to know he comes off like a fucking nut. | ||
| That's part of his shtick, right? | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| A guy who, you know, like, half of his thing is talking about how fucking crazy his life is, and he knows he comes off kind of crazy. | ||
| I don't get... | ||
| I mean, I've had this happen a few times where I've, like, said, well, this person's nuts, and then it's like, ooh, they're pissed off, you call them nuts, and it's like... | ||
| It's Marilyn Manson. | ||
| How do you think they're perceived? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, Andy Dick got mad at me for talking about how crazy he was on the set of news radio. | ||
| Andy, that's you. | ||
| That's the whole thing that you've put out there. | ||
| You put out that you're crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's a hilarious guy, but he's clearly nuts. | ||
| And not only that, but there's... | ||
| Files and files and files and whatever municipality police department there is of you doing things that were clearly behavior that would not be considered sane behavior. | ||
| We have a rich history of being nuts. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Why not just own it? | ||
| Own it. | ||
| But, you know, I think he's one of those guys that's like constantly in a rebirthing process. | ||
| Constantly like, this is it. | ||
| Every time I run into him, he's like, that's it, I'm sober. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| Now I'm done. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| The last time I ran into him, he was sober and he said he couldn't promise he would stay sober. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm like, wow, you should never be able to say that. | ||
| Because if you can't convince yourself, it's never going to happen. | ||
| It's... | ||
| It's too bad, too, because I always think of him as a very talented dude who just has so many inner whatever's going on that he's never fully able to realize that talent because of all the other extraneous, external sort of things that were going on inside of him. | ||
| On the other hand, you kind of go, well... | ||
| That is who he is. | ||
| I mean, that is why we know of him. | ||
| But you wonder, and you think, you know, what does the future hold? | ||
| You know, all that stuff is, it's like a chick. | ||
| It's great being drunk and crazy and stupid and hot and 25, but at a certain point, you're going to turn 50. What is that like at that point? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think Andy was brilliant on news radio. | ||
| One of the reasons why is because he was more reined in. | ||
| It was his first big gig. | ||
| It was NBC. He couldn't get too nutty. | ||
| They were writing for him. | ||
| They were brilliant writers. | ||
| They knew how to craft something for him. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| He's a very talented guy. | ||
| But one of the reasons why he's so funny is most likely in response to those demons. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's a yin and a yang to everything. | ||
| There's something that makes him that way, and whatever it is, he doesn't always have a good grip on it. | ||
| No, but it'd be nice because he's a nice guy and he's a talented guy. | ||
| Yes, he's definitely a nice guy and a talented guy. | ||
| He's just fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| We live in a crazy place. | ||
| Last time I spoke to you, you were thinking about getting out of here. | ||
| We were talking about Seattle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you were saying it's just too rainy because you like cars. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you given any thought to escaping from L.A.? I've... | ||
| You know, it's funny. | ||
| I travel so much, I almost feel like I don't live here anyway. | ||
| It's tough because I'm so ensconced in this... | ||
| Podcasting world and production world and working on all these various projects, independent films, working on a Paul Newman racing documentary and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| I like to go out and race my cars and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| And it just seems almost impossible to do somewhere else. | ||
| But then you go to these other places and you see how people interact and you think, God, we don't have that in LA at all. | ||
| Well, we have a little bit of it in L.A., but L.A. inexorably is framed by show business. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| And there's so many people that even if they don't have a job in show business, at one point in time had show biz aspirations. | ||
| You and I are both in show biz, so I'm not knocking people that are doing what we do. | ||
| What I'm saying is that the majority of people who want to do it A lot of times they do it from a deficit. | ||
| They do it because they need attention, they need validation, they need something. | ||
| That's where I came from, for sure, but it manifested itself in a good way. | ||
| It manifested itself in a career and a life and an understanding of myself by working and creating things. | ||
| But did you feel you needed validation? | ||
| I'm sure I did. | ||
| I mean, sure. | ||
| I'm sure that's why I got into martial arts. | ||
| I'm sure that's why I got into comedy. | ||
| And also, it was an alternative career path for me because that's the only way I was ever going to have a career. | ||
| There's no way I was going to have a normal career. | ||
| I was just way too ADD and way too crazy to be sitting in some sort of a fucking cubicle, having some sort of a job in an office. | ||
| It was like I would literally feel like a rat in a cave. | ||
| I would go crazy. | ||
| I would never be able to pull it off. | ||
| So I knew it was going to have to be something alternative, something outside the norm. | ||
| I was just raised too nuts. | ||
| And I did martial arts. | ||
| All I did was from age 15 to 21 was compete in martial arts tournaments. | ||
| So my reality was so fucked and compared to a regular person. | ||
| Assimilation had never taken hold. | ||
| I was in big trouble if I didn't find something like stand-up comedy. | ||
| But I think a lot of the people that come here, they come here with something like that. | ||
| There's some reason why they've chosen this. | ||
| But a lot of them are trying to define themselves through their success and they're trying to be somebody. | ||
| They're trying to... | ||
| And to be around a lot of people like that is fucking exhausting. | ||
| Some of them are great. | ||
| All my friends live here. | ||
| That's the thing that keeps me here. | ||
| Guys like Joey Diaz and Eddie Bravo and all these pals that I've had for decades, they're all here. | ||
| So it would make it less enjoyable if I lived somewhere else. | ||
| Well, you know, what I was saying, when you go and you travel somewhere and you go into a restaurant, the waiter, the waitress, the bartender... | ||
| That's what they do for a living. | ||
| And they've made their peace with that. | ||
| And maybe they're even proud of it. | ||
| And maybe they've found some skill in it. | ||
| And that's what they do. | ||
| Here, the waiter, the waitress, the bartender, that's not what they want to do. | ||
| This is only what they're doing temporarily until they can get some gig on a reality show or whatever it is. | ||
| And obviously... | ||
| Their work suffers because you have a lot of people that are passing through. | ||
| I feel like L.A. is one of the trashiest towns in the world because people, certainly in the United States... | ||
| Hollywood, physically, is a very trashy town. | ||
| Trashy in what way? | ||
| Trash on the ground. | ||
| I mean it literally. | ||
| There's a lot of graffiti, a lot of weeds growing everywhere. | ||
| A lot of garbage. | ||
| When you go to Phoenix, it doesn't look like that. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| When you go to Seattle, it doesn't look like that. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Well, to me, LA is a bunch of people who are treating their city like you treat a rental car. | ||
| You know, you treat your car one way. | ||
| That's your car. | ||
| The rental car? | ||
| Eh, listen. | ||
| Do you want to light up a cigarette or eat some fast food or end up spilling a Slurpee or something? | ||
| It's like, so be it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's kind of how they feel. | ||
| And it's funny. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| L.A. is one of the only towns, like, if you go to Chicago and you go, hey, man, this town's a piece of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| People will go like, fuck you. | ||
| First off, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| And secondly, we're going to throw down. | ||
| And are you kidding? | ||
| The bars, the nightlife, the river, the skyline. | ||
| Fuck the bears, the cubs, Wrigley. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You go to L.A. and go, L.A.'s a piece of shit. | ||
| You got a lot of people going, yeah, I know. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sucks. | |
| What are you going to do? | ||
| There's too many people here. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's another reason why it's too hectic. | ||
| It's just the numbers are too crazy. | ||
| New York is not that funny either in a lot of ways. | ||
| Last time I went through New York, I went through security, and the woman at TSA was so hostile. | ||
| I know. | ||
| In a way that you very rarely see in L.A. or anywhere else. | ||
| I'm like, this is just a person who deals with too many human beings. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I didn't say anything to you that's rude. | ||
| Like, why? | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Did you ever... | ||
| Think, Joe, as a kid, you know, as a kid, you thought about being an adult. | ||
| And you thought, well, once I'm an adult, I'm going to be a man. | ||
| And I'm going to be treated a certain way. | ||
| And, you know, kids will have to listen to me. | ||
| I'll be someone's dad. | ||
| I'll be the boss. | ||
| You know, I'll be... | ||
| I'm not saying I'm going to be Donald Trump. | ||
| What I'm saying is you'll be adult. | ||
| You'll be a man. | ||
| Did you ever think that people were going to do a super sing-songy, condescending thing to you as an adult male going, Sir, take all the change out of your pockets. | ||
| Completely empty the pockets. | ||
| That means chapstick. | ||
| That means change. | ||
| Keys, pocket knives, anything, combs, wallets. | ||
| Sir, is your belt on, sir? | ||
| Sir, take your belt off. | ||
| Did you ever think you were going to have semi-retarded 28-year-olds with fucking GEDs talk to you in a real condescending, sing-songy voice when you became a man and an adult? | ||
| I can't believe it. | ||
| I can't believe it every time it happens. | ||
| It's so annoying and so stupid. | ||
| And I understand that some people have never flown before and they need to be told all these things. | ||
| You should be able to wear like a green sticker with a star on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Hey, I've been here before. | ||
| Don't talk to me, dummy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Oh, sir, you've flown before? | ||
| Here you go, Mr. Crowell. | ||
| Put this on your shirt. | ||
| They're not allowed to talk to you at TSA then. | ||
| I was on a fucking flight. | ||
| I was on a Southwest flight yesterday. | ||
| This is a non-smoking flight. | ||
| It is 100% non-smoking. | ||
| It's prohibited to smoke on this flight. | ||
| Smoking in the lavatory will not be tolerated. | ||
| Tampering with disabling or destroying the lavatory smoke detector... | ||
| Hey cunt, we get it. | ||
| No smoking. | ||
| It's not her fault though. | ||
| They have to say that. | ||
| You said it 28 fucking times. | ||
| I turned to the person next to me and I said, we have covered 14 versions of no smoking on this flight. | ||
| By the way, you can say no smoking on this flight and that to me doesn't mean, well, you didn't say I couldn't smoke in the bathroom. | ||
| That means no smoking. | ||
| We understand. | ||
| It's 2014. Or you would just say including in the bathroom and you're done. | ||
| Say no smoking on this airplane. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| But anyway, it's funny. | ||
| I turned to the guy next to me and I said, this bitch did five laps on smoking. | ||
| But when it came to the oxygen part on the mask, we only did one lap on that. | ||
| So it's like the no smoking, no shit Sherlock thing, I got fucking 10 minutes of sing-songy bullshit on that. | ||
| The part where there could be an actual emergency and I needed to breathe out of this thing, she blew right past that part. | ||
| And I thought, well, where's your priorities? | ||
| Well, those people, again, they meet too many fucking people. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's just too much going. | ||
| They don't value that interaction. | ||
| It's not a special interaction. | ||
| They're saying it for the 500,000th time. | ||
| The lady in New York, I was with my family, and I gave her my ID, my wife's ID, and we had our daughters with us. | ||
| We gave their tickets, so I gave her like four tickets, or five tickets and two licenses. | ||
| And so she looks at it and she goes, I don't know who's who. | ||
| I don't know what goes where. | ||
| And I said, whoa, whoa. | ||
| I go, why are you being hostile? | ||
| She goes, this isn't hostile. | ||
| If you want to see hostile, I'll show you hostile. | ||
| And I go, I would love to see hostile. | ||
| Show me hostile. | ||
| Your Jewish accent is horrible, by the way. | ||
| I'm just trying to be diplomatic. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| But the hostile thing. | ||
| I was like, wow, this is crazy talk. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Is this because you're a badass? | ||
| Or is it because you're in a position of power? | ||
| Why the fuck do you think you can say, that's not hostile, if you want to see hostile? | ||
| What makes you think you're not going to get brained right now? | ||
| Are you fucking crazy? | ||
| You're talking shitty to a person for no reason, saying, I'll show you hostile. | ||
| Also, it needs to be... | ||
| These folks, whether it's TSA or LAPD or whoever, these folks need to be reminded who the fuck they work for. | ||
|
unidentified
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They work for us. | |
| Someone needs to tell them they work for us. | ||
| Yeah, but they don't. | ||
| We're not working for them. | ||
| They work for the TSA, and the TSA is the government, and the government thinks it's separate from us. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I should point out, too, that most of the time that never happens. | ||
| Most of the time I go there, how you doing? | ||
| Good morning, how you doing today? | ||
| Everything's good, how you doing? | ||
| And everything's fine. | ||
| 99.99999%. | ||
| But New York is the place where I've found more hostility dealing with those people than anywhere. | ||
| Yeah, so LA is probably second. | ||
| But not that fast. | ||
| When you travel through Oklahoma, you go, how are you doing? | ||
| How are y'all doing? | ||
| Where are you heading? | ||
| Have a safe flight. | ||
| Yeah, it's a totally different vibe. | ||
| They just seem disinterested in LA, but they don't seem hostile. | ||
| I've never encountered hostility in L.A., but... | ||
| No, it's aloof and sort of distant, and it's this thing where they look at your... | ||
| You have an exchange with another human being, and they don't punctuate it with an ending remark. | ||
| So you hand them your ID, you hand them their boarding pass, they look at the thing, they look at you, they look at the thing, they make their Led Zeppelin band member mark on the fucking thing, which I'm sure means nothing to anybody. | ||
| They have a highlighter, and they make their weird mark on there, and then they look down again, and then they hand it to you, and then you walk away. | ||
| But they don't say, enjoy your flight. | ||
| You go to Oklahoma, they say, enjoy your flight. | ||
| In LA, you don't even know what they wrote on your ticket. | ||
| Like, this might be bad. | ||
| Check his underwear. | ||
| I don't think they know what they wrote on the ticket. | ||
| They're writing their name down, right? | ||
| It's their sign. | ||
| I'm telling you, their fifth member Led Zeppelin. | ||
| And if the guy gets through and he's got a fake ID, maybe they get in trouble. | ||
| Like, look at this fucking ID. How did you not notice it was fake ID? It's got your signature on the ticket. | ||
| Well, it's your mark, Zozo, or whatever it is. | ||
| You know, they're very official with people. | ||
| Like, sir, here please, put your things in the bin, take your keys out of your wallet. | ||
| They stick with official, but sometimes they'll break. | ||
| And in LA, they broke pattern. | ||
| They were talking about a basketball game. | ||
| And these three guys, the guy who was working the x-ray machine, and then the two guards, one of them that's in front of the people thing, where the people x-ray go through, and then the other one was on the other side watching the rollers. | ||
| And they're all going back and forth about, oh, Kobe, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and this and that. | ||
| He ain't got no free throw shot. | ||
| He ain't got no free... | ||
| What are you going to do with this... | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then, back to, sir, take your key phones out of your... | ||
| Like, wait a minute. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Take my keys out of my pocket. | ||
| Like, you guys aren't professional. | ||
| This isn't... | ||
| I just saw that. | ||
| The veil has been removed. | ||
| You guys are regular people. | ||
| I had the part where... | ||
| I had the guy, and it always drives me nuts. | ||
| I don't like when they say, for me. | ||
| Like, I don't mind when they go... | ||
| Could you fasten your seatbelt, sir? | ||
| Or could you take your keys out of your pocket and put it in the tray? | ||
| But I don't like when they go, for me? | ||
| Can you fasten your seatbelt for me? | ||
| I had a guy, when I was traveling through Burbank, he needed to take the wand to me. | ||
| So he said, could you go ahead and turn around for me, sir? | ||
| And I started to turn around, and he went, real quick? | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| First off, real quick, I'm halfway into turning around, so you have about another.7 seconds before I arrive at turned around, number one. | ||
| Number two, if I did it real quick, you'd probably pepper spray me. | ||
| He said, could you go ahead and turn around for me real quick, sir? | ||
| And I just fucking flew around like I was throwing a crescent kick or something. | ||
| He'd fucking tackle me. | ||
| So I don't want to do it real quick. | ||
| They don't mean that, though. | ||
| No, they're making extra talk. | ||
| Well, yeah, real quick always means, like, it ain't gonna be a big deal to you. | ||
| I always see it as, like, this one won't take much of your time, Mr. Carolla. | ||
| Can you turn around real quick? | ||
| No, you know what I've realized? | ||
| I realized a long time ago that cops and security guards do filler talk, and they do filler talk so that you won't talk to them. | ||
| So if a cop pulls you over and goes, license and ID, please. | ||
| License and registration, please. | ||
| And then just sits there. | ||
| You'll start going, hey man, what would I do? | ||
| Or I was just keeping up the flow of traffic. | ||
| But instead, they always come up and they go, sir, what I'm going to need you to do for me right now is go ahead and get your license and registration out for me. | ||
| Okay, right now. | ||
| And meanwhile, they're doing this kind of patter that doesn't mean anything. | ||
| What I'm going to need you to do for me right now is to go ahead and get your license. | ||
| That doesn't mean anything other than license and registration. | ||
| They keep a nice sort of white noise buzz. | ||
| I should call it blue noise. | ||
| It's a noise that cops make that stop you from going, what? | ||
| Hey, I was just pulling out of my drive. | ||
| They don't want to hear that bullshit. | ||
| So they just keep that low-grade talk going because it's only the cops that do the for me right now and a lot of preamble into what I'm going to have to ask you to do for me right now is to go ahead and get your license and okay right now. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Do you ever speak that way to anybody? | ||
| I mean, if I wanted you to pass me the salt, would I go, Joe, what I'm going to have to go ahead and do is ask you to pass me the salt okay right now? | ||
| Or when I just say, pass me the salt. | ||
| I feel like I can't hang out with Adam anymore. | ||
| It's just too many words. | ||
| Low-grade cop talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm convinced they talk so you don't go, what? | ||
| Why am I turning around? | ||
| What's this mean? | ||
| I didn't do anything. | ||
| Yeah, most likely. | ||
| I mean, people... | ||
| I'm very sympathetic to cops. | ||
| First of all, because I know a lot of good cops. | ||
| I know a lot of cops that I like. | ||
| Guys from martial arts and... | ||
| I also know that you've got to cut people a certain amount of slack when all day, every day, they're dealing with people that are lying to them. | ||
| Dealing with douchebags, dealing with violent people, dealing with people committing crimes. | ||
| Cops have one of the worst fucking focus groups ever to pick from. | ||
| If you ask a cop... | ||
| Like, what's a human being like? | ||
| Oh, let me tell you what I experience at my job. | ||
| You know, and ask someone who's a massage therapist, what's a human being like? | ||
| Oh, they seem pleasant, you know, sometimes they're tense. | ||
| I know, listen, my sister worked at a hair salon in Silver Lake in the 80s on Hyperion Boulevard. | ||
| It's like the gayest section of Los Angeles. | ||
| And I said to her many years ago, I said, what percentage of guys do you think are gay? | ||
| And she's like, 80%? | ||
| Of all guys everywhere gay. | ||
| She wasn't great at math, but in her world, it was 115% were gay. | ||
| So I think she knocked off like 35%, went rounded down to 80%. | ||
| Well, that's her world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In her world, everyone is gay. | ||
| That's a great analogy. | ||
| And it's that with cops. | ||
| Like, what percentage of people are assholes? | ||
| 90%? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, because that's who they're dealing with versus massage therapists. | ||
| But I always had this feeling... | ||
| I always said that cop suicides are always really... | ||
| Yeah, very high. | ||
| Very high? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Stress. | ||
| But no, here's my theory. | ||
| It's kind of my black cock and porn theory. | ||
| I have a feeling that if I walked around and had a gun on me at all times... | ||
| I would have killed myself 15 times by now. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just feel like if you put a gun on a guy's hip, most guys, guys that have that feeling of your girlfriend dumped me, literally... | ||
| You walked into your apartment and saw your best buddy balls deep in your girlfriend, and then you walked out back to the car and just fucking sat there with that thousand-yard stare, and they realized there was a gun on your fucking hip. | ||
| A lot of guys would have just put it in their mouth. | ||
| A lot of guys would go back there and shoot the both of them first. | ||
| Or shoot the both of them, and then put the gun in your mouth. | ||
| I'm just saying... | ||
| The modality for killing yourself, being strapped onto your hip 24-7, is going to put the likelihood of you killing yourself. | ||
| I mean, what have you just said... | ||
| Here's what a guy does. | ||
| Oh, he stands next to the edge of really tall bridges. | ||
| Those guys would have a much higher likelihood of killing themselves too because every fucking time they heard a piece of bad news, a certain percentage of them would step off it, right? | ||
| A certain percentage. | ||
| I think... | ||
| A certain percentage of cops, suicide, you know, everyone talks, oh, it's a stressful job and all what they see in depression, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| A lot of it is having a suicide machine strapped to your hip all the fucking time. | ||
| I've never thought of it that way. | ||
| It's got to up the ante a little bit, right? | ||
| Most certainly. | ||
| It's the trigger out, literally. | ||
| It's right here on your hip. | ||
| By law, even when you're on your days off, that shit's got to be there. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Yeah, I guess, you know, I've never thought about killing myself, so I kind of, when I say I relate, I don't. | ||
| You know, I've always been of the idea that life will eventually get better, as we talked about before. | ||
| You know, I've never thought, but I've never had, like, a mental depression issue that I have friends who clearly have. | ||
| I have friends that had real deep, unquestionable chemical problems, and they cured it through antidepressants. | ||
| But I've never had that. | ||
| So I don't understand that thought process, the kill yourself thought process. | ||
| But I've seen it enough to know that I wouldn't want everybody to have a gun strapped to their hip. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| I think a lot of people would make that fatal mistake. | ||
| Especially, we were talking earlier about being a dude and being 24 and just making really bad snap decisions. | ||
| Murder would go up for sure, I think. | ||
| Or, you know, maybe eventually it would mellow out. | ||
| The old adage of a well-armed society is a polite society. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But there's that expression, I don't remember who made it, but it's that when you, all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no diplomatic solution available because you're carrying a.44 Magnum in your pocket. | ||
| Well, that's my feeling with shit like, you know, I mean, when I was doing the man show, one of the riders got a hold of one of those tasers, those like electric tasers, not the serious cop ones. | ||
| A personal size one? | ||
| I have been hit by one of those serious cop ones, but the personal kind of mail order ones... | ||
| Right. | ||
| He tased every fucking person in the building, you know? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| How bad was it when he tased you? | ||
| It's uncomfortable, but it's, you know... | ||
| It's like, ow! | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| But the point is, if you're walking around with pepper spray on your belt, You are going to fucking use that pepper spray at some point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, most people would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's almost the having it that makes you use it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And it's that kind of... | ||
| I like the idea of people being able to protect themselves. | ||
| I also feel like you walk around with a gun strapped to your hip long enough, it's coming out at some point. | ||
| Whereas you and I don't walk around with a gun, so we'd probably figure out a way other than that to resolve this issue. | ||
| Well, it certainly takes a deep responsibility. | ||
| You have to have a deep understanding of the responsibility that you carry. | ||
| And you carry it around all the time. | ||
| This ability to end life like that. | ||
| And you're carrying it everywhere you go. | ||
| And anybody who's been out shooting, and I've been out shooting... | ||
| To feel what a.44 feels like in your hand and then squeezing off and just the recoil and everything, it's powerful. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| You couldn't imagine pointing that at somebody and squeezing the trigger. | ||
| The people that do that on either side of the badge, the people that do that sort of routinely or cavalierly, you know, the people that do the, I asked the guy for his wallet and he wouldn't give it to me, so I shot him. | ||
| It seems insane because if you've actually gone down to a range and just felt that power and that responsibility and just the recoil, the kickback, and the sort of visceral whatever firing off a few rounds from that.44, You couldn't imagine pointing it at somebody and squeezing that trigger. | ||
| Well, it's kind of interesting. | ||
| I am 100% for people being allowed to possess firearms. | ||
| But I also am 100% shocked that more firearm deaths and accidents don't happen. | ||
| If you think of the idea that all these people around us Millions of people around us can legally have guns, and if they legally have guns, how come we're not hearing, pow, pow, pow, guns going off left and right? | ||
| People are retarded. | ||
| I'm shocked every time I get on the highway, and I'm amazed that people can go 70 miles an hour a couple of feet away from another thing going 70 miles an hour, and they don't just fucking slam into each other left and right, back and forth. | ||
| It's a constant maze of accidents. | ||
| Yeah, no, I think that same way every time I drive, and I think the same way when I hear that, you know, there's a gun, you know, however many guns are in circulation in the United States, there's basically one for every citizen that's out there, and we all know about David Arquette or Andy Dick or any other nut job | ||
| that's out there, you take all the people that are having emotional issues or a little bit off and all the medication that's out there and all the booze that's out there, and then you mix that with all the guns that are out there, why do we not step outside of the studio and hear gunfire going off left why do we not step outside of the studio and hear gunfire Yeah, it's kind of amazing when you think about it. | ||
| And it's also amazing how many fucking people there are out there that are going through problems that keep it together. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there, their life is shit and turmoil, and they still manage to get to work every day, do their fucking job, and pull out of the ashes. | ||
| We concentrate on the people that just go, fuck this, boom! | ||
| But how many people think about going fuck this and make it? | ||
| And figured out, and then 10 years later, hey, 10 years ago, my life was in a shambles. | ||
| I was ready to kill myself. | ||
| Now, look at me. | ||
| I'm happy. | ||
| I'm doing great. | ||
| I've got a family. | ||
| Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Thank God I was thrown out of the police academy. | ||
| I would have killed myself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so whatever it is. | ||
| Whatever it is that allows people to pull through. | ||
| I mean, I'm all for it because I think we're all people. | ||
| I know that you can handle driving a car, and I know that I can handle driving a car. | ||
| But I also know that some people are going to drive drunk, fucked up, go 120 miles an hour, slam into other people, and kill people. | ||
| So if that person exists, should we keep that right from everybody? | ||
| No. | ||
| I say no. | ||
| I say people should be allowed to drive cars until they show that they're a danger driving a car. | ||
| Unfortunately, there's only one way to do that. | ||
| You've got to fuck up somebody else's time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You've got to fuck up. | ||
| And that's the real issue. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| The amount of actual cars driving in comparison to the amount of fatal accidents is fucking insanely high. | ||
| Insanely high. | ||
| I mean, the odds of you driving around and not having a fatal accident are pretty fucking sporty. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're pretty sporty. | ||
| But... | ||
| When things do go wrong, people automatically look for the most drastic measure. | ||
| Like, we've got to take guns away from people. | ||
| We've got to pull the guns. | ||
| We've got to Google car everything. | ||
| No more driving your own car. | ||
| That's coming, Adam Carolla. | ||
| I know you're a car nut. | ||
| That Google car shit, once they get that down, there's going to be no reason for you to be able to weave in and out of Google cars and make it to work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, you know, we... | |
| I always say we're a bizarre society, and we should always just work big to small, and we don't. | ||
| Like, you take Los Angeles. | ||
| We're, you know, basically last in education. | ||
| Our schools... | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
| It is nuts. | ||
| And our schools are failing our kids, and then you turn on the news, and they say, new legislation out of Sacramento wanting to ban e-cigarettes. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| Sorry, Ethan Hawke, but the point... | ||
| Oh, no, wait. | ||
| Oh, Stephen Dorff. | ||
| The point is this. | ||
| Get those guys confused. | ||
| E-cigarettes. | ||
| Who the fuck cares about e-cigarettes? | ||
| Now, look... | ||
| I don't hope that my kids grow up to smoke e-cigarettes, but I don't give a fuck if there's some 45-year-old guy who's trying to get off the butts and is standing outside of his job smoking an e-cigarette, and I walk by and get a little fucking water vapor on my scalp. | ||
| I'm fine with that. | ||
| I would... | ||
| I wouldn't give a shit if everyone smoked an e-cigarette if we could get from 50th in education up into the top 20. I don't know why we have the worst traffic congestion on the planet and the worst schools in America and yet every piece of legislation is surrounded about fast food workers need to start wearing gloves to handle the food back in a I don't give a fuck about | ||
| that. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about e-cigarettes. | ||
| I don't know who does. | ||
| I don't know an individual that has ever been harmed by an e-cigarette. | ||
| I don't know an individual that's ever been harmed by a guy who works at Taco Bell making his fucking burrito by hand. | ||
| Everything I've eaten in my entire life that's come from a restaurant, some guy made with his hands. | ||
| I'm fucking fine. | ||
| What I don't like is the schools being last. | ||
| Why that's not an issue, I don't know. | ||
| I don't like both. | ||
| I don't like dudes with dirty hands making my tacos, and I don't like shitty schools. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But to me, if you give me a choice, and I'm in Sacramento, I'm going to focus on the schools, and when I get that settled, then I'm going to focus on the guy who's picking his nose and making my taquito. | ||
| But obviously the people that are bringing up this e-cigarette thing, it's coming from someone in the health department looking for another thing to do. | ||
| I mean, it's the only thing that makes sense. | ||
| It's like some new project to take on. | ||
| When you look at the actual effects of the second-hand vapor, it's non-existent. | ||
| There's nothing there. | ||
| There's no data. | ||
| There's nothing that shows it's dangerous. | ||
| The other problem, though, is those big fucking cannons that these dudes are carrying around. | ||
| People are carrying around these big, giant electric... | ||
| Like, Brian Redman had one. | ||
| And he was blowing it in here. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm breathing in that stuff. | ||
| That's not the same as one of those blue e-cigs. | ||
| Right. | ||
| All those things are not created equal, I don't think. | ||
| Think about what you're breathing in when a guy's got a leaf blower going in your neighbor's driveway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's just fucking all the shit that's on the ground, all the pesticides, all the pollen, all the dander, and all the shit that is vulcanized rubber and cockroach fecal matter. | ||
| When that all goes fucking airborne and you're taking your dog or your kid for a walk up the street, what do you think that's like? | ||
| And what's it like when you're walking down a busy sidewalk in downtown LA and a big municipal bus goes blowing by at 40 miles an hour and whatever's getting kicked up and coming off of that? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I'll take a fucking e-cigarette any day. | ||
| Another thing to think about is brake dust. | ||
| People don't think about brake dust. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Brake dust is real. | ||
| Everywhere around you, everywhere you go when you see traffic, you have brake dust that's in the air. | ||
| People are hitting their brakes. | ||
| The brakes are disintegrating. | ||
| It's all over the wheels. | ||
| Whenever you clean your car, you know this. | ||
| You clean your wheel and you see all that black powder. | ||
| Well, that shit's not just stuck to your wheel. | ||
| It's in the air. | ||
| And people who live near highways, they're breathing that stuff in all fucking day. | ||
| By the way, the biggest manufacturer of brake pads is called Raybestos. | ||
| Oh no, what a terrible name. | ||
| I think they were around before asbestos was as bad as it is, but Raybestos. | ||
| Were they really? | ||
| They were brake pad manufacturers around before asbestos? | ||
| Well, no, before asbestos was bad. | ||
| Oh, before it was bad. | ||
| And I think Raybestos, I mean, you've got to look it up on your computer, but I think it probably had asbestos in it. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Because there's a ton of heat generated by the brakes. | ||
| Right, that makes sense. | ||
| And it needs to be something that is going to be heat resistant and, you know, not wear off. | ||
| It's not a chunk of rubber. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Huh, that's interesting. | ||
| It's interesting, too, that they haven't figured out anything better for a brake than a piston that slams a pad against a piece of steel that's next to your wheel. | ||
| It fucking gives you friction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Incredible amounts of friction. | ||
| Slow that motherfucker down. | ||
| I mean, that's what they figured out for brakes. | ||
| I just got back from a vintage race last weekend, and I drove an old Datsun, and the brakes in the old Datsun, although they don't work nearly as good as the one in the new car, it's the exact same thing. | ||
| It's a piston, it's a pad. | ||
| Pushes down, hits a rotor, squeezes it, creates friction, and that's that. | ||
| Now, you know, but the steering wheel and the wheels and the internal combustion engine haven't changed. | ||
| Not much. | ||
| Either. | ||
| I mean, it's all the rear end and the transmission. | ||
| It's all a thousand times better in a new car. | ||
| Than it is in one of these old race cars, but it's still just same old, same old. | ||
| And the electronic suspensions, too. | ||
| The suspensions nowadays with stability management systems and traction control and all the different calculations the car is making as you're driving. | ||
| I was driving my wife's Audi and it applied the brake for me. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I was driving like a dick. | ||
| So it started slowing you down? | ||
| No, it said you're going to T-bone the car that's ahead of you. | ||
| Like, you're going to go up the ass of the car in front of you. | ||
| And I'm like, I know what I'm doing. | ||
| That's how I drive, you know? | ||
| And it's like, well, according to our data, you're going to hit this guy. | ||
| I just picked up my foot to put it on... | ||
| The brake pedal, and it popped out of my foot and depressed for me. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So what the thing basically said was... | ||
| I was doing a show at the Irvine Improv, all the fucking traffic between here and there, and I had to be there at 8 o'clock or whatever, and I was trying to make some time just driving down the Hollywood Freeway, and so I was on it when there was a little opening, and then brake lights, and this thing broke for me. | ||
|
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Wow. | |
| And because I do a lot of driving, I'm used to just... | ||
| Doing it on my own, you know? | ||
| Did you see that controversy about that reporter? | ||
| What was the name? | ||
| Jeremy Cahill? | ||
| What the fuck was his name? | ||
| Who died. | ||
| He exposed a bunch of shit about General Petraeus and some other generals. | ||
| And he was just generally like a rabble-rouser type reporter. | ||
| and he was constantly worried that he was going to get killed, constantly talking to people that were saying they were going to kill him. | ||
| And then one day, like 4 o'clock in the morning, driving down Sunset, goes like 100 miles an hour into a tree with no evidence that he tried to slow down or stop. | ||
| The engine goes flying from the car like it was an explosion. | ||
| Michael Hastings. | ||
| Michael Hastings, that's his name. | ||
| Yeah, I do remember that story. | ||
| It kind of went away, didn't it? | ||
| Well, the thing is, everything just kind of goes away now because there's so much and everyone is broken off. | ||
| I don't know if we could have another Watergate because there's just too many people that are into their shit and there's... | ||
| You know, there used to be three news outlets, you know, the major three networks, whatever, the evening news, Walter Cronkite, whatever. | ||
| Now there's just so many outlets, so many stories, and so much that needs to feed that machine, you know, 24-hour news stations, outlets. | ||
| You've got to keep that shit You've got to keep those plates spinning. | ||
| And our attention span is just not long enough. | ||
| Yeah, there's always some new Malaysian airliner thing. | ||
|
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Right. | |
| And we just don't care. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I mean, ultimately, we're sort of narcissists. | ||
| But then secondly, there's just something new to replace something every day, all day. | ||
| And there's nothing that... | ||
| Nothing can hold our attention. | ||
| I mean, I was very young, but I remember Watergate, and I remember that was it. | ||
| That's all anybody talked about was Watergate, Watergate, and Watergate. | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| That's what was happening. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
| I don't know if we're going to have that ability anymore. | ||
| September 11th is probably the closest thing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you're going to have to have something on that scale, and even then, there's going to be a certain and a fairly large segment of society that's still getting caught up on Honey Boo Boo and doesn't give a shit about the tower and may not even know about it. | ||
| And September 11th was also, you think about the time of 2001 as compared to the time now, the internet, the use of the internet, the spread of information. | ||
| It wasn't even close to being the same thing. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| Just the sheer volume of fucking stories that you get every day that you have to sift through. | ||
| Interesting, non-interesting, ridiculous, baffling, animal attacks, explosions, poisonings, oil leaks, Jesus fucking Christ, another plane crash, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. | ||
| It never ends. | ||
| And I don't know how much of this we're... | ||
| Geared to or supposed to ingest and digest. | ||
| Like, I don't know, as human beings, I know we haven't changed biologically that much in the past several hundred years, but yet things have changed a lot. | ||
| Thousands of years. | ||
| We're very, very, very similar to the people that live 50,000 years ago. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But yet... | ||
| You're holding a device in your hand that has more computing power than the first Gemini rocket launch. | ||
| So what are we supposed to do with that information? | ||
| And how are we supposed to process it? | ||
| And when does it become detrimental? | ||
| Are we supposed to be... | ||
| Somewhere processing information all the time. | ||
| I was just saying this, but I found it sort of interesting. | ||
| I was... | ||
| Doing this vintage car race. | ||
| So I was out to dinner after the race with a guy who owns an airline. | ||
| Not a big one, like a medium-sized one. | ||
| And I said, geez, man, what went on with that 777, a Malaysian plane, you know? | ||
| Like, you own an airline. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| And he said, yeah, I don't know. | ||
| And I said, can you just... | ||
| Can you dismantle or make those cores transponders on those 777s dysfunctional? | ||
| Can you just flip a switch or have to pull a fuse or breaker or something like that? | ||
| And he said, it was about 7 o'clock. | ||
| We were just sitting there in some Mexican food joint outside of the track at Laguna Seca in Northern California. | ||
| And he said, hold on, let me hit my guy. | ||
| Now, his guy is, when you run an airline, you have to have, like, a chief engineer or something like that who basically tells you all the specs on the planes and the ins and outs and how many hours engines have on them and what tires to get. | ||
| You've got to have a couple of those guys, right? | ||
| So he said, let me hit my guy. | ||
| So he just picked up his phone. | ||
| You know, he didn't get up and leave or anything. | ||
| He just picked up his phone and he texted this dude, you know. | ||
| And now, I didn't think about it until later, but this was Saturday night. | ||
| It's 7.30 at night. | ||
| Well, his dude is probably eating dinner with his family. | ||
| Maybe he's fucking his girlfriend. | ||
| Or maybe he's out to dinner with his wife. | ||
| But now his little device starts buzzing. | ||
| And his little device, it's the boss man on his device. | ||
| He can't get back to him on Monday. | ||
| The boss man just asked him a question. | ||
| And now he's got to find out how you dismantle a beacon on a 777. Now, I don't know if he knows it or he's got to go look it up. | ||
| But either way, if this guy's sitting with his kids or sitting with his wife or fucking his mistress, he's got to go, oh shit, I got to figure this shit out and give this guy an answer now. | ||
| Because he's the boss and he just asked me. | ||
| Fuck that it's Saturday night. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Fuck that it's the weekend and I'm with my family. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| I got to know. | ||
| And this guy probably had a little anxiety. | ||
| And this guy probably thought... | ||
| Eh, I'll get back to him Monday and then thought, oh fuck, I don't want to do that. | ||
| I better get back with him now. | ||
| He probably wants to know now. | ||
| And this guy probably had to get up and go somewhere, hop on a computer, do something, figure out the whatever, and then he had to go write this guy back on a Saturday night. | ||
| Well, that's how we're living now. | ||
| And I don't think it's good. | ||
| That aspect of it, I agree with you. | ||
| I think that's pretty rare. | ||
| I think also the amount of numbers that are coming in, I think we're eventually going to adapt. | ||
| I think human beings have a thing called Dunbar's number. | ||
| Are you aware of that? | ||
| You can only keep about 150 relationships, 150 friendships, 150 people you know by name and face. | ||
| After that, shit starts getting weird. | ||
| And I'm sure you've encountered that. | ||
| You meet people and they go, Hey, it was great when I met you before. | ||
| We had a good time, remember? | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| What? | ||
| I don't remember you. | ||
| There's no room. | ||
| You have no room in your hard drive. | ||
| Because we're not really designed to meet a million people over the course of a life, which you very well have probably met a million people. | ||
| The average person doesn't get to do that in a tribal situation 50,000 years ago. | ||
| We carry those same genetics today. | ||
| And I think that also applies to dealing with danger and the idea of hearing about news. | ||
| Because news and danger usually affects you. | ||
| But when that news and danger is a plane halfway around the world, It becomes a sort of a weird, abstract thing. | ||
| And you're getting all these abstract negative things that are happening all the time. | ||
| Every fucking point of the globe sends you its worst news. | ||
| Oh, we found a new serial killer who only eats babies. | ||
| Well, we found a fucking guy who's been living in the woods and, you know, we found this, we found that. | ||
| Everything that's fucked up. | ||
| Everything terrible. | ||
| And it all comes into your head. | ||
| And you have to. | ||
| At this point in our lives, you have to filter it. | ||
| If you don't filter it, you will truly go insane. | ||
| Your biology can't manage it. | ||
| You're not designed for it. | ||
| It's not a normal thing. | ||
| It's not new, and we haven't adapted yet. | ||
| So you better manage it. | ||
| You better make a conscious decision to manage it, or it'll fucking move your life in the way it wants to. | ||
| It'll change your thought patterns, change your perceptions of the world. | ||
| Based on an insane number of 7 billion human beings' unusual events. | ||
| 7 billion, which is 7,000 million human beings' problems. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's too many! | ||
| You're supposed to deal with 150. That's why you have this number. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| The Dunbar's number that's in your fucking head. | ||
| 150. That's it. | ||
| Not 7 billion! | ||
| That's fucking crazy! | ||
| So that change has been so radical and so quick, there's no way our biology right now is caught up to it, but I bet future generations will have some sort of an alteration in their ability to either absorb massive amounts of information or some sort of a change in the way we process that information. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And we're just like the guinea pigs. | ||
| And we see how much medication and how much we can all freak out over what's going on. | ||
| And it's true. | ||
| And I feel the same way. | ||
| I just feel inundated and overwhelmed and like there's so much... | ||
| Coming at me at once, constantly. | ||
| Well, if you think about language, when language burst onto the picture, when people started communicating with each other in recognizable sounds, almost immediately, people started explaining their problems, and they started commiserating, they started figuring each other out, and from there, from that point on, the world got way more complicated. | ||
| It wasn't just do what you feel, and following instincts, and Make grunts like where a tiger is. | ||
| You're actually communicating. | ||
| You're complaining. | ||
| You're whining. | ||
| You're expressing your fears for the future. | ||
| We have to create gods. | ||
| We have to create the reason why the lightning comes down. | ||
| Things exponentially changed. | ||
| It wasn't like all of a sudden human beings were different. | ||
| No, human beings were the same. | ||
| But now all this new information is coming in as they're developing this thing called language. | ||
| I think we're at a very similar place right now. | ||
| And the changes between us of today and what we will be a thousand years from now were probably just as radical as the changes of non-speaking hominids to speaking hominids. | ||
| Well, that's very interesting. | ||
| And I agree, and I've always just thought about what are the long-term effects of sort of having everything at your fingertips constantly. | ||
| You know, I always say... | ||
| When I grew up and I wanted to see The Grinch That Stole Christmas, that came on ABC at 8 o'clock on December 13th, and you had to wait. | ||
| You could not see it before then. | ||
| And by the way, you couldn't see it after then either. | ||
| If you were in the kitchen and the commercial break was over, you had to fucking sprint your little jammies with the feet built in and slide across the floor to see it. | ||
| And it was a kind of a foreplay. | ||
| And now, if my kids want to see The Grinch That Stole Christmas, they can see it in July on Blu-ray, but I don't think it means shit to them. | ||
| Even better, they can see it on iTunes instantly on the iPad sitting in the living room. | ||
| Bip, bip, bip, boom, it starts playing. | ||
| Or in the headrest of Mommy's SUV. Instantaneously. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Are they happier because of that? | ||
| I don't think they are. | ||
| If you were to ask me, would you like to see The Grinch That Stole Christmas whenever you wanted in the headrest of mommy's car? | ||
| I would have said yes, but I don't think I would have been happier. | ||
| Because all it does is speed you up, changes your expectation level, and then every once in a blue moon, when you don't get to see whatever it is you want to see exactly the same time... | ||
| Then you're pissed off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And my kids are probably going to be walking around at age 25 going, hey man, I want to see Fast and Furious 129, and someone's going to go, well, it doesn't come out for four months. | ||
| Oh, that's such bullshit! | ||
| Fucking go get it, would you? | ||
| And put it in my box? | ||
| I want to watch it on my phone. | ||
| I want to watch it in my head. | ||
| I want to watch it in my head. | ||
| I just want to close my eyes. | ||
| And they go, it's not done. | ||
|
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Fuck that. | |
| This is such bullshit. | ||
| Have you seen this new story that came out today, the picture that Jamie put up earlier, that by 2030, they're going to have mind-to-mind thought tossing, talking. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| And this is something that I've been bringing up for a while, that I think that human beings, like the interface of sounds, like using sounds and even using language, is a temporary thing. | ||
| I think there's going to come a point in time where you're going to be able to read intent. | ||
| I'm going to be able to understand what's going on in your head. | ||
| The same way when you have thoughts in your head, when you have ideas, you're not doing it with a language. | ||
| You're not expressing your thoughts to yourself with a language. | ||
| Very rarely do I say, It's about time to pull yourself by your bootstraps and get back to work. | ||
| I just have a feeling in my head that represents those words. | ||
| And I've had that exact same thing happen to me during heavy-duty psychedelic experiences. | ||
| I've had something relay information to me in the form of intent instead of in words. | ||
| I think that ultimately, and having experienced it in a psychedelic state, like on dimethyltryptamine or on mushrooms, I think that's probably... | ||
| What you would experience when they figure out this sort of technology. | ||
| I'll be able to read your intent and it will be free of language. | ||
| The signals that are going on inside your mind, you'll be able to distribute those to other people. | ||
| Do you know I have to piss really bad? | ||
| Go ahead and piss, man. | ||
| It's already incredibly interesting to me that You can take amputees that are cut off at the elbow, strap on robotic, prosthetic, whatever, and their brain is able to tell it to pick up a Mm | ||
| severed limb and get that thing to function. | ||
| I mean, obviously that's your brain communicating with something without language. | ||
| And to me, the leap between making your brain communicate with animatronic digits that are moving around and unscrewing mayonnaise jars or picking up pencils or holding your child. | ||
| that's not a very big leap to get from moving that hand around using your thought versus communicating that way. | ||
| Yeah, no, I agree. | ||
| I think it's just a matter of time. | ||
| Like this thing says, 20, 30. That sounds totally normal to me. | ||
| I mean, especially when you consider the exponential pace that these things improve in. | ||
| I was at a company in San Francisco for the sci-fi show that I did where we put on this headgear and you control a remote-controlled helicopter. | ||
| With your mind, with your thoughts, like your intent moves this thing. | ||
| I was able to have it hover in the air for a little bit, but apparently once you get good at it, you can actually move it down the hallway and park it someplace. | ||
| I mean, it's fucking bananas. | ||
| You're piloting a really crude remote control vehicle with your thoughts. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And this is a matter of time before they figure out how... | ||
| You're going to have fucking robots flying around your house, fetching you coffee. | ||
| You're going to look at your robot, your little flying fucking helicopter robot coffee maker, and you're going to say, go make me some coffee, stupid. | ||
| And it's going to fly off and make you coffee and come back and give it to you. | ||
| You're going to be able to do all this with your mind. | ||
| You're not going to say it. | ||
| No, you're just going to think it. | ||
| No, I mean, the drones are already stepping up. | ||
| A lot of it is... | ||
| Computers versus batteries. | ||
| You know, it's batteries that were bricks just 10 years ago. | ||
| I mean, batteries were just huge bricks, and now they're the size of quarters, and they're producing the same power because all this stuff needs to be propelled by something. | ||
| You know, there needs to be a system that powers it up. | ||
| And I know, even though it sounds corny, I used to fly remote-control airplanes. | ||
| And they had electric ones, and the problem with the electric ones is the battery was literally a brick, and it's hard to fly a little styrofoam plane with a brick in the middle of it, and now most all of them are electric just because of the cell phone technology and the battery that has been shrunk and lightened to the point where it's nothing anymore. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing what they can do, too, with the algorithms that they have in their operating system for power management. | ||
| Like, you could take an iPad and you can watch five fucking movies on a flight and it doesn't run out of juice. | ||
|
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|
Right. | |
| You're watching a fairly big screen and all these images are being processed. | ||
| It's constantly moving around. | ||
| You watch a whole fucking movie and then you look at your battery and it's, like, barely budged. | ||
| Like, this is incredible. | ||
| Well, because nothing... | ||
| There are no more moving parts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there used to be conveyor belts, and they're powered by rivers with wheels in them, and that took a lot of energy. | ||
| And now, everything is digital, and there's no parts. | ||
| There's no friction. | ||
| There's no, you know, you don't realize, well, you probably realize, but, you know, whenever you talk about a car, you talk about horsepower, you You go, how much is it making to the crank? | ||
| And the guy goes, 500 horsepower. | ||
| And you go, what's it making to the rear wheels? | ||
| And you go, oh, it's making about 430, 425, 430, right? | ||
| All right, that's not bad. | ||
| Good, maybe we can get some synthetic oil on that rear end and get it up to... | ||
| 431 or whatever it is, but you're scrubbing off all of that inertia and all of that torque and power because it's having to pass through drive shafts and transmissions and differentials and it's scrubbing it off. | ||
| But if all that was digital Then you'd have 500 horsepower at the crank and 500 at the rear wheel. | ||
| And that's what we're getting now. | ||
| The digital. | ||
| Is that what they get with like Teslas? | ||
| Are they like... | ||
| Is their horsepower at the engine the same as at the wheel? | ||
| Well, what they're getting and what they're doing now is it's all about torque. | ||
| And it's instant torque with electric motors. | ||
| So they're getting that big... | ||
| That's why the Tesla 0-60 is not... | ||
| if not the same as your Porsche. | ||
| Now your top speed in your Porsche is faster, but the zero to 60, it's that kind of golf cart kind of thing. | ||
| You ever get in a golf cart and the guy hits it and you go flying off the back? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, imagine a real car with four motors on all four wheels. | ||
| So you get the instant torque immediately. | ||
| But secondly, and I've not studied a Tesla that closely, but the motor... | ||
| It's connected to the wheel. | ||
| There's no transmission that it's passing through, propeller shaft and differentials and things that are scrubbing off inertia. | ||
| Have you fucked with those at all, Teslas? | ||
| I just drove one around once, and they're quick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, they're super quick. | ||
| My friend Aubrey has one. | ||
| They have a laptop in the middle of it, essentially. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| And he goes, we were going to this gym. | ||
| He said the name of the gym, navigate to... | ||
| And it just takes you there. | ||
| I'm like, this is fucking insane. | ||
| It finds it on Google Maps, gives you the option, you press a button, and this huge navigation screen. | ||
| When you wanted to listen to music, he's like, play The Doors. | ||
| So all of a sudden, Spotify pulls up all these options for the doors, break on through to the other side, plus that one, boom, and it starts playing. | ||
| And it gets it all through the actual computer itself on the car, not even connected to your phone. | ||
| It's completely independent. | ||
| All of it uses some sort of a, unfortunately, 3G, not 4G connection. | ||
| Yeah, it's unbelievable. | ||
| This is going to be a rough transition, but seeing as how I have to go do my podcast pretty quick... | ||
| On the topic of podcasts, you know, I'm being sued. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Explain that to people, because it's one of the dumbest fucking lawsuits I've ever heard in my life, but there's people that make a living off of these types of lawsuits, right? | ||
| Yeah, called patent trolls. | ||
| They buy a... | ||
| I think it's this country at its worst. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| They buy patents and then they sue companies saying they're using, stealing or unlawfully using their technology. | ||
| And sometimes when you're buying technology, there's a real good argument to that. | ||
| Like that technology is a part of this thing that you're selling. | ||
| And without that technology, which is patented, your technology, what you're selling, would not exist. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I get that part. | ||
| And I support innovation and people should be paid for intellectual property and creative ideas. | ||
| But this is a weird one. | ||
| What is the exact term that they have a patent on? | ||
| The exact... | ||
| They have a patent on a playlist. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Online. | ||
| Anything in a serial order, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, even blogs. | ||
| Evidently, anything that comes out on a Monday and then the next one comes out on a Tuesday, or this song is above that song and this song's number three and that song's number seven, that's what they claim to have dominion over. | ||
| So if you have a blog, and you enter into that blog, like, you know, blog entry number one, you know, Adam goes to do podcasts to talk about this lawsuit. | ||
| They could sue you for that. | ||
| Like, they own a piece of that, a serialized message that you're putting on a website. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Numbered message. | ||
| That's correct. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Well, it is insane because if it's true, then really everything on the internet's got to go away. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Could you imagine if they bought up everything on the internet with one sneaky move? | ||
| Like one sneaky move, one patent. | ||
| What if the judge says, look, the guy's got a point. | ||
| He owns everything in serialized form. | ||
| Well, the problem is I don't think the judge or the jury is going to think they have a point. | ||
| Unfortunately, in order to make our point that they don't have a point, it's going to cost $1.5 million. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's what patent litigation costs. | ||
| That's what the legal fees are going to be? | ||
| That's what I've been quoted. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I've been quoted $1.25 to $1.5 million. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| That's stunning. | ||
| I never would have thought it would be that high. | ||
| Lawyers get paid a lot. | ||
| So is that what it is? | ||
| It's all the lawyers? | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's all the lawyers. | ||
| How much work do they have to do here? | ||
| Joe, for me, it's like, first off, I've spent $50,000 trying to get a change of fucking venue. | ||
| These guys are in eastern Texas. | ||
| That's where they set up. | ||
| Because Eastern Texas is famous for... | ||
| Friendly to their types of folk. | ||
| Yeah, to this type of thing, patent troll lawsuits. | ||
| I don't live in Eastern Texas, and my business isn't in Eastern Texas, and they don't live in Eastern Texas either. | ||
| That's just where they hung their shingle. | ||
| And they hung their shingle specifically because this is a place that's advantageous to do things like this. | ||
| Well, it's what you would do if you were a company that bought up other people's technology and then tried to sue other businesses and make money off of them. | ||
| You're going to maximize the possibility of you getting an outcome that's in your favor and you'll do it on the moon if you have to. | ||
| Now, if these people come to you with some sort of a settlement, like if they said, hey, you know, you're using our technology, we would like five bucks a month, like anything along those lines? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Three million dollars. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And this is because they've won these before, the same company. | ||
| They got eight million dollars from Apple, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's unclear what I'm doing with them and what they're doing with me. | ||
| But it's a pretty simple equation, which is, I just said, look, all the guys in podcasting need to kind of band together, and we need to fight them, and then we need to beat them, and then once we beat them, then they're beat. | ||
| Because they can't go after you or Marc Maron or whoever once we beat them. | ||
| But if we allow this to just go away, it's not going to. | ||
| If we say, well, let's just put it aside and, you know, fucking ignore them, then they win. | ||
| I mean, it's a possibility that they could win. | ||
| There's no way... | ||
| Look, when you get sued, you get sued. | ||
| You've got to respond. | ||
| But, you know, let's just say we said, look... | ||
| You guys obviously haven't done the math on our company, but it's a business. | ||
| No one wants to spend the time and the $1 million plus to fight this thing. | ||
| Take $350,000 and please go away, or $500,000, or $100,000, whatever it is. | ||
| Well, how long before they go to iTunes and they go, let's see who else is doing okay over here on iTunes? | ||
| Well, look at Joe Rogan. | ||
| He's doing all right. | ||
| Now, last time we did this with Corolla, we got 500K out of him. | ||
| I wonder what Joe's good for. | ||
| And all we got to do is do the same thing we did with Corolla. | ||
| He knows. | ||
| I mean, we'll let Joe's attorneys coach him up, but they're going to tell you this is the most expensive kind of litigation that's going to happen. | ||
| It's going to cost over a million dollars. | ||
| I mean, he can go on the internet and look at them. | ||
| Do you know who these human beings are behind this? | ||
| Do you know the actual human beings? | ||
| Are you aware of names or faces? | ||
| Do you know what they look like? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| And I never think that way. | ||
| Like, I just think... | ||
| I understand that we live in a world that is generally decent and that these people probably think of themselves as generally decent. | ||
| You know, they probably have kids that love them and a wife that gives them a blowjob on occasion. | ||
| This is what they do for a living. | ||
| This is their business. | ||
| And I think when a guy works at a used RV lot and he's got an RV on that lot that's worth $4,000 and some elderly couple comes in there and he gets them for $20,000, he doesn't go home and stare in the mirror and go, wow, I'm a really bad human being. | ||
| He goes, I'm a fucking great salesman. | ||
| And I think that's what these guys do. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Even fault them on a personal level. | ||
| They make money from doing this. | ||
| I understand it. | ||
| It's not even worth trying to make it a personal issue. | ||
| I don't feel it's a personal issue. | ||
| They saw my podcast. | ||
| I'm actually, in a bizarre way, flattered. | ||
| They saw my podcast and said, that guy's really doing well for himself. | ||
| Let's go get him. | ||
| I can't believe they wanted $3 million. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| That was their first offering. | ||
| That's stunning. | ||
| What we're doing is we're getting everyone together, and we're going to show them that the podcast community is a lot stronger than they thought, that they fucked with the wrong people, and I don't mean me, I mean everybody, and that whether you're a Joe Rogan fan or Adam Carolla fan or an NPR fan, it's all going away if we don't buck up and beat these guys. | ||
| So we just went to fund anything. | ||
| .com forward slash patentroll and you can give toward the Legal Defense Fund. | ||
| There's a video up there to watch where Adam explains the whole situation and what's going on and spread this. | ||
| Spread it on Twitter. | ||
| Spread it on Facebook. | ||
| Let everybody know. | ||
| If you can't donate, at least spread the word and let people know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| Because, yeah, this is a crazy thing. | ||
| This is a weird... | ||
| Byproduct of our society. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't like it, but there's nothing we can do about it at this point in time. | ||
| No, other than this. | ||
| Other than this, yeah. | ||
| But this is really cool because this could be a seminal moment for podcasting, which is you guys fucked with the wrong guys. | ||
| We're all grassroots, but we all band together. | ||
| We all got our little individual little armies, and we all got them united, and we all fought this common cause. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what I love about podcasting? | ||
| That I do think that that's something that fits with the ethic of podcasting. | ||
| But I also love that podcasting isn't... | ||
| It's not a competitive thing in that everybody supports everybody else in podcasting. | ||
| I've never heard of podcast feuds. | ||
| Like morning DJ guys always fucking hate the other morning DJ guy. | ||
| They always talk shit about him. | ||
| But podcasts... | ||
| I don't know anybody who says, like, you know, oh, we would be fucking doing great if it wasn't for that Adam Carolla show. | ||
| Everybody's watching that stupid... | ||
| That show sucks. | ||
| Our podcast is the future. | ||
| That show's for old people. | ||
| Fuck up. | ||
| You know, that doesn't... | ||
| It doesn't seem to be going on at all. | ||
| I think the internet... | ||
| The attitude of the internet is that you're dealing with the world. | ||
| You're dealing with an infinite amount of people. | ||
| It's so goddamn big that having that sort of famine mentality that a lot of people... | ||
| No, listen. | ||
| I feel like the last podcast I did yesterday, Jay Moore and Joe Coy were both guests on the show, and they both have podcasts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 80% of the guests on my show have their own podcast, and we promote their podcast on my podcast. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So that's all you need to know, right? | ||
| We do the exact same thing, and I'm always telling people, you should do a podcast. | ||
| Like, people that are good guests, I'm like, why don't you do your own podcast? | ||
| You don't even need a place like this. | ||
| You need a fucking mp3 recorder and a microphone. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Upload it online, it takes 10 seconds, and boom, you have a fucking podcast. | ||
| Well, the plan is podcasters, unite, rally your army, and let's beat these guys. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| We're in. | ||
| We're in 1,000%. | ||
| That's not even a real number. | ||
| It's only 100% is possible. | ||
| But we're in that. | ||
| But we'll say 1,000. | ||
| I like your hyperbole, Joe. | ||
| I like that you like it. | ||
| So funanything.com forward slash patent troll. | ||
| Please go there. | ||
| If you can't donate, please spread the word so that other people can find out about it that can donate. | ||
| I get it if you're broke. | ||
| I totally understand it. | ||
| But if you do appreciate podcasting and you do appreciate Adam's show and his network, I mean, he's got a whole network, and then on top of that, everybody else that you know that does podcasts, whether it's Joey Diaz or Ari Shafir or Duncan Trussell, Adam's right, that would all go away if it wasn't Absolutely. | ||
| Do it, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Adam, I just want to tell you that you are one of the reasons why I did this in the first place. | ||
| I loved watching you do it and go from regular radio. | ||
| I remember doing the first ones when it was on the couch and you had the clip-on microphones and the whole deal. | ||
| I was like, wow, he's got kind of a cool setup here. | ||
| That was part of what spun the wheels for me to get into this in the first place. | ||
| When you were podcasting, what year did you start? | ||
| Beginning of 09. Was it really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so I was around slightly after you. | ||
| Slightly after you, but you were... | ||
| Listen, I'm flattered, and you can come on out and see the new digs whenever you like. | ||
| Did you change anything? | ||
| Are you even bigger or better now? | ||
| Always working on the studio, always trying to improve, and always trying to kind of build the business, you know? | ||
| Well, it's very cool. | ||
| It's very cool that it's working. | ||
| It's very cool to be a part of all this. | ||
| The podcasting community is a great, supportive community. | ||
| And what you were talking about, having people on your show that have their own podcasts and promoting their podcasts, I think it's one of the coolest things about this business. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Thanks, Joe. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| Adam Carolla, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Follow him on Twitter. | ||
| And again, go to... | ||
| What's the website one more time? | ||
| You can go to adamcarolla.com and find out everything you need to know. | ||
| Go to adamcarolla.com and find out everything. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com to find out about Ting. | ||
| And find out about the iPhone 5 giveaway. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com, fill out the savings calculator, see how much you'd save using Ting, tweet how much you'd save to at JoeRogan with the hashtag Ting, and the winner will be announced on Friday, April 4th, U.S. residents only. | ||
| Thanks also to Onnit.com, that's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| We'll be back in about a half an hour with the great Honey Honey band. | ||
| Please, please donate to Adam's cause. | ||
| It's all of our cause. | ||
| Everybody, help out if you can. | ||
| If you can't help out, please promote it. |
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