Adam Carolla reveals his absurd coffee habits—eating cows fed with grounds—while Joe Rogan jokingly pitches More Parmesan, a restaurant where waitstaff refill cheese endlessly. They dissect L.A.’s transient culture, from TSA agents debating Kobe’s free throws to gun-carrying risks and systemic neglect of failing schools. Carolla’s $3M patent troll lawsuit, costing $1.5M to defend, becomes a rallying cry for podcasters to unite or risk industry collapse, mirroring Rogan’s own early inspiration from Adam’s clip-mic shows. [Automatically generated summary]
This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Ting.
Ting has a new thing going on right now as we speak.
There's a new contest going on where they're giving away an iPhone 5 to one lucky Joe Rogan Podcast listener.
To enter, go to rogan.ting.com, fill out the savings calculator, and see how much you'd save using Ting.
Tweet how much you'd save to at Joe Rogan with the hashtag...
Ting.
That's like the little pound sign.
It used to be pound.
Pound Ting, and the winner will be announced Friday, April 4th, U.S. residents only.
Very ironic for those who live in Canada, because although Ting is an awesome cell phone company, it doesn't work in Canada.
It works in Canada, but you can't live in Canada and buy it.
I don't know why.
I don't understand anything.
What is Ting?
Ting is a no-bullshit cell phone service.
What they have is a Sprint Backbone.
They use Sprint, they rent time on the Sprint network, but they do it all their way with no contracts, no early terminations fees, no bundling or ride-along services.
The rates are, the way it works is you pay for what you use.
If you use more, you pay more.
If you use less, you pay less.
Ninety-eight percent of people who would use Ting would save money.
That's straight from their website, so it must be true.
I've done no research of my own to verify this.
But I have friends that use it.
Chris Ryan uses it.
He loves it.
I know several people that I've met from doing the podcast that use Ting, love the service, and love the fact they save a shitload of money.
Go to rogan.ting.com and you can save $25 off of your first Ting device.
We're also brought to you by Onnit.com.
That's O-N-N-I-T. Lots of new shit going on with Onnit.
I have a secret, but I can't tell you.
We've got a lot of shit happening, but what Onnit is is a human optimization website.
What we sell is essentially all the different things that I use as far as strength and conditioning equipment, like kettlebells or clubbells or battle ropes, all things for developing functional strength, all the different supplements that we find beneficial, whether it's AlphaBrain, which is a combinatory nootropic, or Shroom Tech Sport, which is an endurance supplement based on the Cordyceps mushroom.
All the different supplements have science behind them.
If you go to Onnit.com, you can read all the references.
There's been a clinical test recently that we just did on AlphaBrain, a double-blind placebo test, showed positive results.
All the lab results are available at Onnit.com, and there's more tests ongoing right now.
One for T+. We've got Another alpha brain going on one right now.
These are controversial supplements because a lot of people think, wait a minute, brain supplements?
Food for your brain?
It actually makes you smarter?
Get the fuck out of here.
It's like a big dick pill.
Well, it's not.
The science behind it has been around for a long time, and all the references and all the information and data behind it is at Onnit.com.
We also offer...
A 100% money back guarantee for 90 days and the first 30 pills.
You buy a bottle, try it.
You don't even have to bring it back.
You don't have to send it in.
You just say it sucked and you get your money back.
The reason why we do that is because, first of all, we don't want anybody to feel ripped off.
These are controversial supplements in the first place.
And two, because...
We believe in it.
It's all shit that I use.
I used it long before I started working with Onnit.
I've been a fan of nootropics for a long time now.
Go to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, use the code word ROGAN, and save 10% off any and all supplements.
And there's a weird thing, and I don't know how you feel about this, but...
I grew up poor and hungry.
Like, I was fucking hungry all the time.
And food was a big deal.
And I had to mooch a lot of food off of other people.
Go to other people's houses and mooch their food.
At lunch, it was always bumming.
You know, hey, you're going to finish that sandwich?
Got to eat that sandwich.
You know, it's like always mooching and bumming.
Henry's Tacos over here in North Hollywood, when I was a kid, I used to go there and get the broken taco shells.
I'd go, they make hard shell tacos, right?
Yeah.
You got any broken shells?
They'd go, yeah, some of them break.
I'd go, give me the broken shells.
They'd give me the broken shells.
I'd go, give me some hot sauce.
They'd go, here's some hot sauce.
It's free.
I'd go, can I have a cup of water?
A cup of water, and I'd just sit there eating my own fucking nachos for free.
It sucked at the time, though.
It was like, alright, I'm getting free food.
I was always crazy with food, and if somebody ever gets into my shit, I'm okay with it, but there was something about the lunch meat.
Andy Dick came over, and he's like, you got any cheese?
You got any lunch meat?
And he stood in my kitchen, and he was just taking big handfuls of it and just shoving it in his face.
And then later on, When we did the podcast, he lit up a cigar, smoked half of it in my office, and then kept the other half, but he never retrieved it, and it rolled behind my printer, and then my house smelled like smoked lunch meats and smoked cigars and Andy Dick for the next week, and I was like, it's time to move it to the studio.
It's so weird, because at the time you don't think to write anything down, but I probably started from my den in my house, and I probably lasted about three or four months, and then I moved it to my warehouse.
Yeah, in February 2009. Isn't it funny that that was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to you, is the radio show being done?
Because that radio show being done let you just completely be you, not worry about nothing, say whatever the fuck you want, and your podcast became the biggest podcast in the world directly as a result of that.
You went right from one right into the other, and it became better.
We like to get philosophical, which is what I always dig about doing your show.
And everyone spends their life fearful and trying to avoid change.
And they look at change as a negative all the time.
Like, I want to keep my job.
I want to keep my house.
I want to keep my car.
I want to keep my wife.
I want to keep, you know, unless you start making some real cash and then it's time for change.
But what I'm saying is, we spend our whole lives sort of hanging on to whatever we're hanging on to, our youth, our whatever.
It's don't change.
And then when somebody gets fired or somebody gets, you know, for me, I tried to be a groundling.
And after a certain point, the groundling said, you're not going to make it.
And you're gone.
And I was heartbroken and devastated.
And I've had girlfriends dump me.
And I was heartbroken.
I was dead.
And I've been fired from jobs.
Oh my God, I had a terrestrial radio gig and it paid tons of cash and I had a big contract.
And now you're done.
So you spend...
Your entire life, basically, fearful and trying to avoid change.
But my question to you is, when has change ever been bad?
When has it ever slowed you down?
Doesn't it just open up other opportunities?
And can't you look back on your life at a million times that things have changed and then almost immediately we're better after that change?
Sure, your girlfriend dumps you and you're bummed out, beaten off in a heap of tears for six weeks or months, and then you meet a hotter chick or a different chick or a smarter chick.
You know what I'm saying?
Same with the job.
Your entire journey of life.
What is no change?
No change is working at the same postal sorting place in Illinois for 41 years.
That's no change.
So even though we're always freaked out by change, it's usually a good thing and it's basically life.
And I don't know all the ins and outs, but he sent a bunch of listeners over to Bean of Kevin and Bean's house, gave him his address, that came out to his lawn.
I think Bean was screwing with poor man, and poor man was screwing with Bean, but it's like...
It's like I was tickling you and you were tickling me and then I walked away and you took a snow shovel and hit me over the head with it.
And whatever it is, he crossed the line.
And at some point, the management just went, well, we're making a change.
And poor man, you're out.
And Ricky Rackman, you're in.
And, okay, Ricky Rackman took over.
And it was Dr. Drew and Ricky Rackman.
And poor man always wanted Dr. Drew to hold out or quit with him or whatever he wanted him to do.
I don't even know all the details.
Now, three years later, I showed up.
And I took over for Ricky Rackman.
Six months ago, I was doing one of my, like, Mangria tasting events in Manhattan, and somebody who was affiliated with the poor man was dispatched to come to the event and sort of corner me and hold a microphone in front of me and say, like, what do you think of the poor man, and what do you think of Dr. Drew, and all that.
And I started thinking to myself, Jesus fucking Christ, it's been 20 years.
And when I say 20 years, I mean 22 years.
I thought, let it go, man.
Move on to whatever you're moving on to.
I don't know if you got screwed or you didn't get screwed.
We all get screwed at some point or another.
Move it on.
And I think she said...
Is there anything you'd like to say to poor man?
And by the way, all I did was fill in, all I did was take over for the guy who took over for him.
I don't even have any association with him.
And I just said, may the next 20 years be as fruitful as the last.
So I guess some people move on better than others, but people, if you're staring in your rearview mirror and you never stop looking at that thing and all you want is for that thing to make you whole again...
You just keep driving and getting further away.
The years just keep wearing on.
And that thing you're staring at, that thing's moved on.
There are always people who are out there to fuck you over.
Your chances, there's a chance that you can be hit by a drunk driver when you're just sitting in an intersection, you know, minding your own business.
Just this guy is, you know,.275, blows through a red light, is completely blottoed and just puts you in a wheelchair or a casket.
I mean, there is that opportunity.
It's out there for everyone.
And then there's the chance that you win the lottery.
Or your dad is Jerry Jones and owns a professional sports franchise.
And when he dies, he's going to give the Dallas Cowboys to you.
That's not going to be anybody we know.
They'll be the high, they'll be the low.
Almost everyone we know will live in the middle.
And the middle is, you get the dickhead boss that has it out for you.
You get the girlfriend that dumps you, cheated on you, and then you have the best friend who did you a solid, and the boss who was a really cool guy, and the landlord that was cool, and the landlord that is a dick.
You're just going to live in the middle.
So when you're in the middle, and once you've decided you're not blessed, you're not cursed, you're just in the middle, now you get to control your own destiny.
I mean, I don't even know that guys should be allowed to get married before 30. Yeah, I don't think you can think straight.
First off, it's amazing that you're an adult and just how fucking stupid you are when you're 22 or 23 as a dude.
Also, in terms of your understanding of a woman or giving her what she needs or responsibility or responsibility yourself, family, that kind of stuff, no fucking way.
Especially if you don't have a close relationship to some women, either women that you're friends with or you grew up with or preferably sisters or a close relationship with your mother.
If you're a guy that grows up with his dad and mom's out of the picture and you're supposed to learn women, good fucking luck.
It's like showing up at a school in Mexico and trying to take first-year Spanish.
We don't understand each other until deep into our 30s, as far as men and women kind of understanding that this other person, they have a completely different way of thinking.
There's a completely different wiring under the board.
And you press a button that you'd press on a guy and get a positive response.
And someone's mad at you.
And you have to kind of figure out what to say, what not to say, and what to tease about, and what you can't tease about ever.
I... When I... I didn't have a real close relationship with my family, but when I was about 19 or 20, I was...
Doing construction.
I was, you know, doing construction.
I mean, I was picking up garbage on a construction site and digging ditches and, you know, basically just a glorified goomper, you know, just like literally.
You think of it as, oh, you're a bunch of guys wearing hard hats and putting together I-beams and girders.
No, it's just me walking around picking up garbage, you know.
That's kind of sweeping shit and stacking drywall, you know.
I was probably making about $7 or $8 an hour.
And my dad said to me, you're going to have trouble with women.
And I was like, why?
And he's like, I was married to your mom and you were raised by your mom and there's going to be issues here.
And he said, I'm going to find you a shrink and I'll pay for half and you pay for half.
Now, it is insane when you make $8 an hour and you're sitting down with someone who gets $100 an hour for 50 minutes.
It's the most insane thing in the world.
It was literally like five hours of work for me to sit down with this woman in Beverly Hills and discuss my problems when I was 20. And what kind of problems did you have that were so unusual that you had to sit down and shrink?
My dad, who comes from that kind of world, basically said, you need to sit down with a woman and you need to establish a relationship with a woman.
That's a good relationship.
Basically saying, it's not so much the information that you're going to get from her, but it's the relationship that you're going to have with her.
So the fact that she's the position of authority and that she's intelligent and she's rational and then you have to see her and you sort of raise your bar on women because of that?
And he knew that, well, I didn't have that with my mom, and I didn't really have that with my grandma, and I wasn't really having that with anybody around me, and that this needed to be established.
Well, here's the whole thing about the holistic stuff for me, and it's sort of the wisdom of the Orient and all that kind of bullshit.
To me, it's like this.
If you don't have a real problem, then it'll cure...
Whatever your non-real problem is.
If your real problem is just some sort of fatigue that's based on depression or based on something that's going on emotionally in your life, basically it's living in your head, but you say, oh, my joints ache and I have trouble getting out of bed, and I give you a magic pill that has a little bit of whisker of the cat in it, then that'll work on you.
And he takes medication that stops the growth of that tumor.
It was experimental at the time.
But if that tumor grows, then he's dead within six months.
And he's 30 years old.
So when you have a tumor on the base of your spine or the top of your spine and the base of your brain that's inoperable, whisker of the cat and the fucking hair of the newt is not going to fucking heal that shit for you.
Could you imagine how horrible it would be if men had hard-ons all the time, like a horn?
It wasn't a biological process that you had to engage in your head.
All factors have to be right, and anything that's wrong...
Fear, boner shuts down.
Drunk, the boner shuts down.
All these things happen, your boner shuts down.
The complex biological process that is the erection.
If we just had a rhino horn, and we could just fuck all the time, what a wreck it would be on Earth.
Everyone would have callous dicks.
We'd have caked calluses all around the outsides of our dicks.
There would be all these places, instead of mani-pedi places, there would be places that would remove the calluses so you could enjoy pleasure with your dick again.
I'm going to fucking turn this one up to 11. Then...
Imagine if there were boner poachers.
And they're like, hey, some guy in Japan wants to make some soup out of Rogan's cock because he thinks it's going to make his cock harder.
Rogan's a virile guy.
He's into the MMA. So next thing you know, you're looking over your shoulder because there's some dude, and you don't know if he's a game warden or if he's on your side or their side.
But every time the sun goes down, you've got to worry about the cock poachers.
Could you imagine, there is no way to grow your dick, but could you imagine if the only way to grow your dick would be sucking dicks?
You'd have to run around and suck as many dicks as possible to get your dick bigger.
But it did work.
So a girl, when you pull your pants out, she'd look at your dick and she would know for a fact, wow, that's a great dick, but this guy most likely sucked a lot of cocks to get that dick so big.
I don't know if the chick would assume that, but it would be an interesting thing to find out a survey of straight guys that Which is, if you could grow your cock by sucking cock, would you be in and down for that?
We do it for every male in America over the age of 18. You then are issued a windbreaker.
That windbreaker has your ranking on it.
Not how much water you displace, not how big your cock is, but out of, let's say, there's 100 million males that are over the age of 18 in the United States, what place you come in.
Number one, That'd be a pretty fucking good windbreaker to have.
You'd also...
Anybody who was in the top ten would be making the fucking rounds on the late night shows.
And each year, you know, there's two, three, five million guys turning 18. It all has to be recalibrated every year.
But as far as black guys having big dicks in porn, I think that's a form of porn racism.
And I'll tell you why.
I think if you show up onto a porn set as a black guy with a medium-sized cock, fair to middling, you know, I got six and a half inches here, they send you packing.
They're like, we don't need black guys with small cocks.
We only need black guys with big cocks.
We can take a white guy with a medium cock, but we can't take a black guy.
Why bother getting fucked by a black guy if the guy's got a medium cock?
You see what I'm saying?
I think they're discriminated against.
So I think we think the only huge cock we've seen is in porn.
It's on black guys.
They won't let average-sized cocked black men in.
And I dream of a future where my children can watch pornography and see black guys with medium-sized cocks, you know, balls deep, and junky coked-up blondes.
You know, the thing about radio is it was real-time, and it was back in the day, and I'd had situations where I'd, like, said, you know, David Arquette's nuts.
He's insane.
I think he should be institutionalized and shit like that.
and then walked out of the studio during a commercial break, and David Arquette is standing there going, I was driving home from the Lakers game on the 10 freeway.
I was listening to the love line.
I heard you call me insane.
Then when Dr. Drew said, aren't you worried he's going to come over here and punch you, you laughed and said, he's too nuts.
He couldn't find this place.
He literally told his driver to pull over, get off the freeway, and drove right to us.
They're like, oh, check out Andy Kindler talking all kinds of shit about you, calling you Hitler and this, that, and the other.
Here's a link.
Listen to it.
And I just go...
Why do I need to go to a link where someone is talking shit about me?
I'm not interested in that.
Most people have a morbid curiosity about it.
I'm sure that there are plenty of people that call me an asshole or who think I'm an asshole or both.
I'm not interested in stopping them from doing it or curing them of that problem.
I don't know how you feel.
I don't seek anything out about myself because I know with a ratio of 10 positive things to one shitty thing, and if the one shitty thing is going to fuck your day up, don't bother putting your name in the Google search and seeing what's coming up.
You have to sort of know the lay of the land out here.
We were in Culver City.
He had gone to a Lakers game.
I guess it's a staple center.
He was driving back to where him and Courtney Cox live in Malibu.
He had a town car.
The Lakers game ended at, you know, 10 o'clock and Loveline started at 10 o'clock.
And he was in his town car at 10.20, driving past...
I mean, Culver City was a block away from the 10 freeway, and he's listening to Loveline, and he's telling his driver, get off here, turn off right now, turn off right now, and turn left, and I'll be at the studio, and there he was.
I mean, I've had this happen a few times where I've, like, said, well, this person's nuts, and then it's like, ooh, they're pissed off, you call them nuts, and it's like...
Files and files and files and whatever municipality police department there is of you doing things that were clearly behavior that would not be considered sane behavior.
It's too bad, too, because I always think of him as a very talented dude who just has so many inner whatever's going on that he's never fully able to realize that talent because of all the other extraneous, external sort of things that were going on inside of him.
On the other hand, you kind of go, well...
That is who he is.
I mean, that is why we know of him.
But you wonder, and you think, you know, what does the future hold?
You know, all that stuff is, it's like a chick.
It's great being drunk and crazy and stupid and hot and 25, but at a certain point, you're going to turn 50. What is that like at that point?
I travel so much, I almost feel like I don't live here anyway.
It's tough because I'm so ensconced in this...
Podcasting world and production world and working on all these various projects, independent films, working on a Paul Newman racing documentary and all that kind of stuff.
I like to go out and race my cars and all that kind of stuff.
And it just seems almost impossible to do somewhere else.
But then you go to these other places and you see how people interact and you think, God, we don't have that in LA at all.
Think, Joe, as a kid, you know, as a kid, you thought about being an adult.
And you thought, well, once I'm an adult, I'm going to be a man.
And I'm going to be treated a certain way.
And, you know, kids will have to listen to me.
I'll be someone's dad.
I'll be the boss.
You know, I'll be...
I'm not saying I'm going to be Donald Trump.
What I'm saying is you'll be adult.
You'll be a man.
Did you ever think that people were going to do a super sing-songy, condescending thing to you as an adult male going, Sir, take all the change out of your pockets.
Completely empty the pockets.
That means chapstick.
That means change.
Keys, pocket knives, anything, combs, wallets.
Sir, is your belt on, sir?
Sir, take your belt off.
Did you ever think you were going to have semi-retarded 28-year-olds with fucking GEDs talk to you in a real condescending, sing-songy voice when you became a man and an adult?
No, it's aloof and sort of distant, and it's this thing where they look at your...
You have an exchange with another human being, and they don't punctuate it with an ending remark.
So you hand them your ID, you hand them their boarding pass, they look at the thing, they look at you, they look at the thing, they make their Led Zeppelin band member mark on the fucking thing, which I'm sure means nothing to anybody.
They have a highlighter, and they make their weird mark on there, and then they look down again, and then they hand it to you, and then you walk away.
Like, sir, here please, put your things in the bin, take your keys out of your wallet.
They stick with official, but sometimes they'll break.
And in LA, they broke pattern.
They were talking about a basketball game.
And these three guys, the guy who was working the x-ray machine, and then the two guards, one of them that's in front of the people thing, where the people x-ray go through, and then the other one was on the other side watching the rollers.
And they're all going back and forth about, oh, Kobe, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and this and that.
I realized a long time ago that cops and security guards do filler talk, and they do filler talk so that you won't talk to them.
So if a cop pulls you over and goes, license and ID, please.
License and registration, please.
And then just sits there.
You'll start going, hey man, what would I do?
Or I was just keeping up the flow of traffic.
But instead, they always come up and they go, sir, what I'm going to need you to do for me right now is go ahead and get your license and registration out for me.
Okay, right now.
And meanwhile, they're doing this kind of patter that doesn't mean anything.
What I'm going to need you to do for me right now is to go ahead and get your license.
That doesn't mean anything other than license and registration.
They keep a nice sort of white noise buzz.
I should call it blue noise.
It's a noise that cops make that stop you from going, what?
Hey, I was just pulling out of my drive.
They don't want to hear that bullshit.
So they just keep that low-grade talk going because it's only the cops that do the for me right now and a lot of preamble into what I'm going to have to ask you to do for me right now is to go ahead and get your license and okay right now.
Like...
Do you ever speak that way to anybody?
I mean, if I wanted you to pass me the salt, would I go, Joe, what I'm going to have to go ahead and do is ask you to pass me the salt okay right now?
I just feel like if you put a gun on a guy's hip, most guys, guys that have that feeling of your girlfriend dumped me, literally...
You walked into your apartment and saw your best buddy balls deep in your girlfriend, and then you walked out back to the car and just fucking sat there with that thousand-yard stare, and they realized there was a gun on your fucking hip.
A lot of guys would have just put it in their mouth.
Or shoot the both of them, and then put the gun in your mouth.
I'm just saying...
The modality for killing yourself, being strapped onto your hip 24-7, is going to put the likelihood of you killing yourself.
I mean, what have you just said...
Here's what a guy does.
Oh, he stands next to the edge of really tall bridges.
Those guys would have a much higher likelihood of killing themselves too because every fucking time they heard a piece of bad news, a certain percentage of them would step off it, right?
Well, that's my feeling with shit like, you know, I mean, when I was doing the man show, one of the riders got a hold of one of those tasers, those like electric tasers, not the serious cop ones.
A personal size one?
I have been hit by one of those serious cop ones, but the personal kind of mail order ones...
You couldn't imagine pointing that at somebody and squeezing the trigger.
The people that do that on either side of the badge, the people that do that sort of routinely or cavalierly, you know, the people that do the, I asked the guy for his wallet and he wouldn't give it to me, so I shot him.
It seems insane because if you've actually gone down to a range and just felt that power and that responsibility and just the recoil, the kickback, and the sort of visceral whatever firing off a few rounds from that.44, You couldn't imagine pointing it at somebody and squeezing that trigger.
I am 100% for people being allowed to possess firearms.
But I also am 100% shocked that more firearm deaths and accidents don't happen.
If you think of the idea that all these people around us Millions of people around us can legally have guns, and if they legally have guns, how come we're not hearing, pow, pow, pow, guns going off left and right?
People are retarded.
I'm shocked every time I get on the highway, and I'm amazed that people can go 70 miles an hour a couple of feet away from another thing going 70 miles an hour, and they don't just fucking slam into each other left and right, back and forth.
Yeah, no, I think that same way every time I drive, and I think the same way when I hear that, you know, there's a gun, you know, however many guns are in circulation in the United States, there's basically one for every citizen that's out there, and we all know about David Arquette or Andy Dick or any other nut job
that's out there, you take all the people that are having emotional issues or a little bit off and all the medication that's out there and all the booze that's out there, and then you mix that with all the guns that are out there, why do we not step outside of the studio and hear gunfire going off left why do we not step outside of the studio and hear gunfire Yeah, it's kind of amazing when you think about it.
And it's also amazing how many fucking people there are out there that are going through problems that keep it together.
There's a lot of people out there, their life is shit and turmoil, and they still manage to get to work every day, do their fucking job, and pull out of the ashes.
We concentrate on the people that just go, fuck this, boom!
But how many people think about going fuck this and make it?
And figured out, and then 10 years later, hey, 10 years ago, my life was in a shambles.
When things do go wrong, people automatically look for the most drastic measure.
Like, we've got to take guns away from people.
We've got to pull the guns.
We've got to Google car everything.
No more driving your own car.
That's coming, Adam Carolla.
I know you're a car nut.
That Google car shit, once they get that down, there's going to be no reason for you to be able to weave in and out of Google cars and make it to work.
And our schools are failing our kids, and then you turn on the news, and they say, new legislation out of Sacramento wanting to ban e-cigarettes.
And you're like...
Sorry, Ethan Hawke, but the point...
Oh, no, wait.
Oh, Stephen Dorff.
The point is this.
Get those guys confused.
E-cigarettes.
Who the fuck cares about e-cigarettes?
Now, look...
I don't hope that my kids grow up to smoke e-cigarettes, but I don't give a fuck if there's some 45-year-old guy who's trying to get off the butts and is standing outside of his job smoking an e-cigarette, and I walk by and get a little fucking water vapor on my scalp.
I'm fine with that.
I would...
I wouldn't give a shit if everyone smoked an e-cigarette if we could get from 50th in education up into the top 20. I don't know why we have the worst traffic congestion on the planet and the worst schools in America and yet every piece of legislation is surrounded about fast food workers need to start wearing gloves to handle the food back in a I don't give a fuck about
that.
I don't give a fuck about e-cigarettes.
I don't know who does.
I don't know an individual that has ever been harmed by an e-cigarette.
I don't know an individual that's ever been harmed by a guy who works at Taco Bell making his fucking burrito by hand.
Everything I've eaten in my entire life that's come from a restaurant, some guy made with his hands.
But to me, if you give me a choice, and I'm in Sacramento, I'm going to focus on the schools, and when I get that settled, then I'm going to focus on the guy who's picking his nose and making my taquito.
But obviously the people that are bringing up this e-cigarette thing, it's coming from someone in the health department looking for another thing to do.
I mean, it's the only thing that makes sense.
It's like some new project to take on.
When you look at the actual effects of the second-hand vapor, it's non-existent.
There's nothing there.
There's no data.
There's nothing that shows it's dangerous.
The other problem, though, is those big fucking cannons that these dudes are carrying around.
People are carrying around these big, giant electric...
Think about what you're breathing in when a guy's got a leaf blower going in your neighbor's driveway.
Yeah.
And he's just fucking all the shit that's on the ground, all the pesticides, all the pollen, all the dander, and all the shit that is vulcanized rubber and cockroach fecal matter.
When that all goes fucking airborne and you're taking your dog or your kid for a walk up the street, what do you think that's like?
And what's it like when you're walking down a busy sidewalk in downtown LA and a big municipal bus goes blowing by at 40 miles an hour and whatever's getting kicked up and coming off of that?
It's interesting, too, that they haven't figured out anything better for a brake than a piston that slams a pad against a piece of steel that's next to your wheel.
I just got back from a vintage race last weekend, and I drove an old Datsun, and the brakes in the old Datsun, although they don't work nearly as good as the one in the new car, it's the exact same thing.
It's a piston, it's a pad.
Pushes down, hits a rotor, squeezes it, creates friction, and that's that.
Now, you know, but the steering wheel and the wheels and the internal combustion engine haven't changed.
The suspensions nowadays with stability management systems and traction control and all the different calculations the car is making as you're driving.
I was doing a show at the Irvine Improv, all the fucking traffic between here and there, and I had to be there at 8 o'clock or whatever, and I was trying to make some time just driving down the Hollywood Freeway, and so I was on it when there was a little opening, and then brake lights, and this thing broke for me.
He exposed a bunch of shit about General Petraeus and some other generals.
And he was just generally like a rabble-rouser type reporter.
and he was constantly worried that he was going to get killed, constantly talking to people that were saying they were going to kill him.
And then one day, like 4 o'clock in the morning, driving down Sunset, goes like 100 miles an hour into a tree with no evidence that he tried to slow down or stop.
The engine goes flying from the car like it was an explosion.
Yeah, I mean, you're going to have to have something on that scale, and even then, there's going to be a certain and a fairly large segment of society that's still getting caught up on Honey Boo Boo and doesn't give a shit about the tower and may not even know about it.
And September 11th was also, you think about the time of 2001 as compared to the time now, the internet, the use of the internet, the spread of information.
Like, I don't know, as human beings, I know we haven't changed biologically that much in the past several hundred years, but yet things have changed a lot.
You're holding a device in your hand that has more computing power than the first Gemini rocket launch.
So what are we supposed to do with that information?
And how are we supposed to process it?
And when does it become detrimental?
Are we supposed to be...
Somewhere processing information all the time.
I was just saying this, but I found it sort of interesting.
I was...
Doing this vintage car race.
So I was out to dinner after the race with a guy who owns an airline.
Not a big one, like a medium-sized one.
And I said, geez, man, what went on with that 777, a Malaysian plane, you know?
Like, you own an airline.
What do you think?
And he said, yeah, I don't know.
And I said, can you just...
Can you dismantle or make those cores transponders on those 777s dysfunctional?
Can you just flip a switch or have to pull a fuse or breaker or something like that?
And he said, it was about 7 o'clock.
We were just sitting there in some Mexican food joint outside of the track at Laguna Seca in Northern California.
And he said, hold on, let me hit my guy.
Now, his guy is, when you run an airline, you have to have, like, a chief engineer or something like that who basically tells you all the specs on the planes and the ins and outs and how many hours engines have on them and what tires to get.
You've got to have a couple of those guys, right?
So he said, let me hit my guy.
So he just picked up his phone.
You know, he didn't get up and leave or anything.
He just picked up his phone and he texted this dude, you know.
And now, I didn't think about it until later, but this was Saturday night.
It's 7.30 at night.
Well, his dude is probably eating dinner with his family.
Maybe he's fucking his girlfriend.
Or maybe he's out to dinner with his wife.
But now his little device starts buzzing.
And his little device, it's the boss man on his device.
He can't get back to him on Monday.
The boss man just asked him a question.
And now he's got to find out how you dismantle a beacon on a 777. Now, I don't know if he knows it or he's got to go look it up.
But either way, if this guy's sitting with his kids or sitting with his wife or fucking his mistress, he's got to go, oh shit, I got to figure this shit out and give this guy an answer now.
Fuck that it's the weekend and I'm with my family.
Uh-uh.
I got to know.
And this guy probably had a little anxiety.
And this guy probably thought...
Eh, I'll get back to him Monday and then thought, oh fuck, I don't want to do that.
I better get back with him now.
He probably wants to know now.
And this guy probably had to get up and go somewhere, hop on a computer, do something, figure out the whatever, and then he had to go write this guy back on a Saturday night.
So that change has been so radical and so quick, there's no way our biology right now is caught up to it, but I bet future generations will have some sort of an alteration in their ability to either absorb massive amounts of information or some sort of a change in the way we process that information.
Well, if you think about language, when language burst onto the picture, when people started communicating with each other in recognizable sounds, almost immediately, people started explaining their problems, and they started commiserating, they started figuring each other out, and from there, from that point on, the world got way more complicated.
It wasn't just do what you feel, and following instincts, and Make grunts like where a tiger is.
You're actually communicating.
You're complaining.
You're whining.
You're expressing your fears for the future.
We have to create gods.
We have to create the reason why the lightning comes down.
Things exponentially changed.
It wasn't like all of a sudden human beings were different.
No, human beings were the same.
But now all this new information is coming in as they're developing this thing called language.
I think we're at a very similar place right now.
And the changes between us of today and what we will be a thousand years from now were probably just as radical as the changes of non-speaking hominids to speaking hominids.
And I agree, and I've always just thought about what are the long-term effects of sort of having everything at your fingertips constantly.
You know, I always say...
When I grew up and I wanted to see The Grinch That Stole Christmas, that came on ABC at 8 o'clock on December 13th, and you had to wait.
You could not see it before then.
And by the way, you couldn't see it after then either.
If you were in the kitchen and the commercial break was over, you had to fucking sprint your little jammies with the feet built in and slide across the floor to see it.
And it was a kind of a foreplay.
And now, if my kids want to see The Grinch That Stole Christmas, they can see it in July on Blu-ray, but I don't think it means shit to them.
Or in the headrest of Mommy's SUV. Instantaneously.
Right.
Are they happier because of that?
I don't think they are.
If you were to ask me, would you like to see The Grinch That Stole Christmas whenever you wanted in the headrest of mommy's car?
I would have said yes, but I don't think I would have been happier.
Because all it does is speed you up, changes your expectation level, and then every once in a blue moon, when you don't get to see whatever it is you want to see exactly the same time...
And my kids are probably going to be walking around at age 25 going, hey man, I want to see Fast and Furious 129, and someone's going to go, well, it doesn't come out for four months.
Have you seen this new story that came out today, the picture that Jamie put up earlier, that by 2030, they're going to have mind-to-mind thought tossing, talking.
And this is something that I've been bringing up for a while, that I think that human beings, like the interface of sounds, like using sounds and even using language, is a temporary thing.
I think there's going to come a point in time where you're going to be able to read intent.
I'm going to be able to understand what's going on in your head.
The same way when you have thoughts in your head, when you have ideas, you're not doing it with a language.
You're not expressing your thoughts to yourself with a language.
Very rarely do I say, It's about time to pull yourself by your bootstraps and get back to work.
I just have a feeling in my head that represents those words.
And I've had that exact same thing happen to me during heavy-duty psychedelic experiences.
I've had something relay information to me in the form of intent instead of in words.
I think that ultimately, and having experienced it in a psychedelic state, like on dimethyltryptamine or on mushrooms, I think that's probably...
What you would experience when they figure out this sort of technology.
I'll be able to read your intent and it will be free of language.
The signals that are going on inside your mind, you'll be able to distribute those to other people.
It's already incredibly interesting to me that You can take amputees that are cut off at the elbow, strap on robotic, prosthetic, whatever, and their brain is able to tell it to pick up a Mm
severed limb and get that thing to function.
I mean, obviously that's your brain communicating with something without language.
And to me, the leap between making your brain communicate with animatronic digits that are moving around and unscrewing mayonnaise jars or picking up pencils or holding your child.
that's not a very big leap to get from moving that hand around using your thought versus communicating that way.
Like this thing says, 20, 30. That sounds totally normal to me.
I mean, especially when you consider the exponential pace that these things improve in.
I was at a company in San Francisco for the sci-fi show that I did where we put on this headgear and you control a remote-controlled helicopter.
With your mind, with your thoughts, like your intent moves this thing.
I was able to have it hover in the air for a little bit, but apparently once you get good at it, you can actually move it down the hallway and park it someplace.
I mean, it's fucking bananas.
You're piloting a really crude remote control vehicle with your thoughts.
You know, it's batteries that were bricks just 10 years ago.
I mean, batteries were just huge bricks, and now they're the size of quarters, and they're producing the same power because all this stuff needs to be propelled by something.
You know, there needs to be a system that powers it up.
And I know, even though it sounds corny, I used to fly remote-control airplanes.
And they had electric ones, and the problem with the electric ones is the battery was literally a brick, and it's hard to fly a little styrofoam plane with a brick in the middle of it, and now most all of them are electric just because of the cell phone technology and the battery that has been shrunk and lightened to the point where it's nothing anymore.
I mean, there used to be conveyor belts, and they're powered by rivers with wheels in them, and that took a lot of energy.
And now, everything is digital, and there's no parts.
There's no friction.
There's no, you know, you don't realize, well, you probably realize, but, you know, whenever you talk about a car, you talk about horsepower, you You go, how much is it making to the crank?
And the guy goes, 500 horsepower.
And you go, what's it making to the rear wheels?
And you go, oh, it's making about 430, 425, 430, right?
All right, that's not bad.
Good, maybe we can get some synthetic oil on that rear end and get it up to...
431 or whatever it is, but you're scrubbing off all of that inertia and all of that torque and power because it's having to pass through drive shafts and transmissions and differentials and it's scrubbing it off.
But if all that was digital Then you'd have 500 horsepower at the crank and 500 at the rear wheel.
Explain that to people, because it's one of the dumbest fucking lawsuits I've ever heard in my life, but there's people that make a living off of these types of lawsuits, right?
Evidently, anything that comes out on a Monday and then the next one comes out on a Tuesday, or this song is above that song and this song's number three and that song's number seven, that's what they claim to have dominion over.
So if you have a blog, and you enter into that blog, like, you know, blog entry number one, you know, Adam goes to do podcasts to talk about this lawsuit.
They could sue you for that.
Like, they own a piece of that, a serialized message that you're putting on a website.
Well, it's what you would do if you were a company that bought up other people's technology and then tried to sue other businesses and make money off of them.
You're going to maximize the possibility of you getting an outcome that's in your favor and you'll do it on the moon if you have to.
Now, if these people come to you with some sort of a settlement, like if they said, hey, you know, you're using our technology, we would like five bucks a month, like anything along those lines?
It's unclear what I'm doing with them and what they're doing with me.
But it's a pretty simple equation, which is, I just said, look, all the guys in podcasting need to kind of band together, and we need to fight them, and then we need to beat them, and then once we beat them, then they're beat.
Because they can't go after you or Marc Maron or whoever once we beat them.
I understand that we live in a world that is generally decent and that these people probably think of themselves as generally decent.
You know, they probably have kids that love them and a wife that gives them a blowjob on occasion.
This is what they do for a living.
This is their business.
And I think when a guy works at a used RV lot and he's got an RV on that lot that's worth $4,000 and some elderly couple comes in there and he gets them for $20,000, he doesn't go home and stare in the mirror and go, wow, I'm a really bad human being.
He goes, I'm a fucking great salesman.
And I think that's what these guys do.
I don't...
Even fault them on a personal level.
They make money from doing this.
I understand it.
It's not even worth trying to make it a personal issue.
I don't feel it's a personal issue.
They saw my podcast.
I'm actually, in a bizarre way, flattered.
They saw my podcast and said, that guy's really doing well for himself.
What we're doing is we're getting everyone together, and we're going to show them that the podcast community is a lot stronger than they thought, that they fucked with the wrong people, and I don't mean me, I mean everybody, and that whether you're a Joe Rogan fan or Adam Carolla fan or an NPR fan, it's all going away if we don't buck up and beat these guys.
So we just went to fund anything.
.com forward slash patentroll and you can give toward the Legal Defense Fund.
If you can't donate, please spread the word so that other people can find out about it that can donate.
I get it if you're broke.
I totally understand it.
But if you do appreciate podcasting and you do appreciate Adam's show and his network, I mean, he's got a whole network, and then on top of that, everybody else that you know that does podcasts, whether it's Joey Diaz or Ari Shafir or Duncan Trussell, Adam's right, that would all go away if it wasn't Absolutely.
Do it, ladies and gentlemen.
Adam, I just want to tell you that you are one of the reasons why I did this in the first place.
I loved watching you do it and go from regular radio.
I remember doing the first ones when it was on the couch and you had the clip-on microphones and the whole deal.
I was like, wow, he's got kind of a cool setup here.
That was part of what spun the wheels for me to get into this in the first place.
When you were podcasting, what year did you start?
The podcasting community is a great, supportive community.
And what you were talking about, having people on your show that have their own podcasts and promoting their podcasts, I think it's one of the coolest things about this business.
Go to rogan.ting.com, fill out the savings calculator, see how much you'd save using Ting, tweet how much you'd save to at JoeRogan with the hashtag Ting, and the winner will be announced on Friday, April 4th, U.S. residents only.
Thanks also to Onnit.com, that's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements.
We'll be back in about a half an hour with the great Honey Honey band.