Feb. 3, 2014 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:55:30
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hey, you fuckers. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Got to meet the Squarespace people this weekend in Manhattan with the great Tommy Bones! | ||
| Tommy Bones in the house, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| And they couldn't be fucking cooler. | ||
| They were exactly what I thought they'd be. | ||
| Bunch of smart-looking young cats. | ||
| Very cool guys. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| New York was fucking fantastic. | ||
| Goddamn, that was fun. | ||
| It was a great time. | ||
|
unidentified
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Woo! | |
| It was fun in so many ways. | ||
| That fucking show was intense. | ||
| The show, well, we'll talk about that later, but the Squarespace guys were cool as fuck. | ||
| And it's always nice when you have a sponsor that not only you believe in, but you meet the people that are behind the sponsorship, the company, whatever, and they're really cool. | ||
| And they were super happy, too. | ||
| You could tell that their product is actually awesome. | ||
| That so many people use it and enjoy it. | ||
| What Squarespace is is a website that allows you to make your own websites. | ||
| Super easy to do. | ||
| If you can do any of the normal functions on your computer, drag and drop and click and point and all that shit, you can make a website. | ||
| Kara Santamaria, who was on the podcast last week, runs her website through Squarespace. | ||
| She was talking about how easy it is for her to organize all of her media. | ||
| If you've got a store, you can put an online store up Super quick and easy with Squarespace. | ||
| They have awesome support 24-7. | ||
| If you're confused and you can't figure out what to do, they can help you through it. | ||
| And they also have it so that if you're a musician, you can sell music on your site. | ||
| There's so much cool shit about Squarespace, and the most beautiful thing is I've never heard one person say that it's not awesome. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love Squarespace. | ||
| You guys use it? | ||
| Well, I've been to the site a lot, and I work with them too, and I feel like it's... | ||
| The thing that I always think about is the fact that in today's day and age, it blows your mind when someone still doesn't have a website. | ||
| If you have this as a tool, it just makes sense. | ||
| No matter what, if you cut grass, it's like, why wouldn't you have, hey, go here and you see me and contact me here and see what I do? | ||
| You have no excuse to not have a site. | ||
| So easy. | ||
| Yeah, we gave away four different one-year memberships to Squarespace and four new Higher Primate t-shirts. | ||
| Which have all been restocked. | ||
| The higher primary t-shirts have been restocked. | ||
| I'm sorry I'm slow with that shit. | ||
| But I'm a busy little boy. | ||
| Now, for a free trial and 10% off your first purchase at Squarespace, go to squarespace.com and enter in the code JOE. That's it. | ||
| Just JOE. Remember when there was numbers behind it? | ||
| Apparently not anymore. | ||
| They give up. | ||
| They realize that shit is ridiculous. | ||
| JOE 1, JOE 2, JOE 3, JOE... Stop! | ||
| It's only one Joe. | ||
| I'm right, there's plenty of Joes. | ||
| That's not true at all. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| There's a goddamn pile of them. | ||
| That is the most overused name in the world, probably. | ||
| Right next to Juan and Jose. | ||
| In the world of podcasts, there's only one JoJo. | ||
| Oh, you're so sweet. | ||
| That's why you're here. | ||
| Go to Squarespace. | ||
| And they have also launched a logo creator where you can create a clean, simple logo design yourself in minutes. | ||
| How fucking awesome is this website? | ||
| And could it get more awesome? | ||
| I say it can't. | ||
| So go there and enjoy. | ||
| Code Word Joe. | ||
| We've also been sponsored for quite a while now by LegalZoom, another outstanding website that makes it so easy to do shit that you used to normally struggle to do, like any sort of a legal issue, incorporating, forming an LLC, or making a will, all those things. | ||
| You used to have to go to an attorney probably more than once. | ||
| You'd have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, pay a bunch of money, Way cheapier, that's a new word, to do on LegalZoom. | ||
| LegalZoom, you can form an LLC starting at $99. | ||
| That's outrageous. | ||
| If you think about how much fucking time it takes to actually go to a lawyer's office, drive there, park, take the bus, whatever the fuck you do, get out, go in, sit there, go through all the bullshit, pay a stupid amount of money, and then go home. | ||
| That's... | ||
| All that can be eliminated simply and easily for $99 on LegalZoom. | ||
| You can protect your family with a will for just $69, get a living trust, power of attorney. | ||
| They get the job done right, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Nine out of ten customers would recommend the service to their friends and family. | ||
| And you know that I know that one out of every ten people is a fucking idiot, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
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At least. | |
| Well, that accounts for that one out of ten. | ||
|
unidentified
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I don't know. | |
| All this point and click, you can't even do it for me? | ||
| This is clever marketing. | ||
| Look, it says here, you get the personal legal plan, and that's for babies. | ||
| But a business legal plan, that's for adults. | ||
| That is interesting. | ||
| I would think that that's actually for family. | ||
| That's how I would look at it. | ||
| You need a will, though. | ||
| You need a will. | ||
| If you don't have a will and you're an adult, you know you're going to die. | ||
| Well, the government just says, we'll take it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just snatch up most of your money. | ||
| And you've got to fucking scrap for it and figure out who deserves it. | ||
| Yeah, that sucks, right? | ||
| That they get to tell people. | ||
| I wonder what the actual laws are as far as, I'm saying the government scratches up all your money, but I know they definitely get a little bit... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know how it works. | ||
| You know what's fucked, man? | ||
| What's really fucked is inheritance tax, which means that say if you, Tommy Buns, leave behind a child some money, like say one day you're a wealthy man and you work your ass off and you love the shit out of your kid, your kid wants to be a surfer or whatever the fuck, and you're like, I'm going to give my kid all my money. | ||
| Well, your kid doesn't get all your money. | ||
| Your kid gets the money that is left over after he pays taxes on the money that you already paid taxes on. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's money that you earned. | ||
| Is that a state tax? | ||
| Is that what that is called? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's creepy. | ||
| It's just like a piece. | ||
| But you had your piece. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is all clean money. | ||
| It's like if a guy gives you $100, he says, Tommy, I like you, and I know you would want $100. | ||
| I'm going to give you $100. | ||
| Do you really have to report that for earning, and do you have to pay taxes on that? | ||
| That's a gift. | ||
| What are you doing, you creepy cunts? | ||
| You know when someone's working for someone and someone's not. | ||
| You know when someone's actually getting a paycheck or someone's getting a gift, and you know that inheritance is money that somebody already fucking paid for, man. | ||
| If you want to leave your kid $10,000 and it turns out to be $6,000, Why not? | ||
| Why isn't it $10,000? | ||
| Why do you get $4,000, you fucking creeps? | ||
| It changed hands, so we get paid again. | ||
| They double taxed. | ||
| That's why you need to leave your kids money in Bitcoin. | ||
| It would have been better if you said that without stumbling through it. | ||
| Or maybe cash in a mattress. | ||
| At least stuff it in there. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I have a hole in the ground with a fucking vault in it. | ||
| It's bizarre that people think it's okay to pay taxes on something twice. | ||
| Here's another issue, too, when it comes to taxes and inheritance and shit. | ||
| People who are broke... | ||
| There's a lot of people that are ambitious, and they're hardworking, and they're struggling, and they're trying to put it together, but there's a lot of also people that are broke that are cunts, and they want everybody else to be broke too, and they think that somehow if you pay more taxes, it's going to help the economy or help them. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| It's going to give money to some fucking people that are going to be incompetent with it. | ||
| Let's be honest about what the fuck's going on with your taxes. | ||
| It's not going to fix the fucking homeless problem. | ||
| It's not going to fix the school system if you take 10% of this guy's money that his dad left him. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
| You're stealing. | ||
| You're stealing and you're throwing it into an incompetent system. | ||
| That has nothing to do with LegalZoom.com. | ||
| LegalZoom.com in the past 12 years has helped over 2 million Americans. | ||
| And they've saved a ton of money. | ||
| Their online process could not be easier, and they will take care of you from start to finish. | ||
| And you get a special discount from listening to this podcast. | ||
| Make sure you enter Rogan in the referral box at checkout for more savings. | ||
| LegalZoom is not a law firm, but they can connect you with a third-party attorney and provide you with self-help services. | ||
| Third-party attorney is really important. | ||
| There are independent attorneys that they can connect you with. | ||
| So if you freak out and you're in the middle of filling out this shit and you're like, God damn it, I can't do this. | ||
| They will connect you to a lawyer, which you were going to have to do in the first place before you found out about LegalZoom. | ||
| But most likely, you're not going to need it. | ||
| You're not one of those 1 out of 10, are you? | ||
| You fuckwit. | ||
| Anyway, go to LegalZoom.com and see how they can help you out today. | ||
| Use the code word ROGAN. We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. We are a human optimization site. | ||
| We sell you the best shit we can find, whether it's protein powder or supplements like Digest Tech and a digestive enzyme supplement or the finest hemp protein powder we can get. | ||
| We sell all shit that I think can be used to benefit your life. | ||
| To optimize your health. | ||
| To sharpen your focus. | ||
| To heighten your mood. | ||
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| To give your life what it needs. | ||
| On at 180. It's one of my favorite things that I take with me on the road every time. | ||
| And it's a nutrient-based, rejuvenating energy drink mix. | ||
| I mean, when I say energy, I don't mean like a speed. | ||
| It's like AlphaBrain. | ||
| It's got a bunch of different shit in it, but it's got Shroom Tech, it's got 5-HTP from New Mood, it's got all the neurotransmitter support of AlphaBrain with a bunch of different shit into it as well. | ||
| It's great when I travel, when I do UFCs or something and I have to Spent a lot of time on planes and also working out when I'm there and dehydrated and, you know, God forbid if you're out drinking. | ||
| This will help. | ||
| It will help in a big way. | ||
| Give your body the nutrients it deserves, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| It will change your life. | ||
| There's a lot of fucking talk online about From a lot of salacious headlines about multivitamins don't work. | ||
| When you look into those multivitamins don't work claims, what you find is that the tests that they were using in order to determine that multivitamins don't work were really ridiculous. | ||
| What they're doing is they're saying that people who are over 65 who have had heart attacks Don't benefit from multivitamins, synthetic multivitamins. | ||
| That's essentially one of their main points of their study. | ||
| Their study had three parts to it. | ||
| It's a really bizarre study. | ||
| One of them was that They showed that high-dose multivitamins had no effect on the progression of heart disease and heart attacks of virus. | ||
| The other one was the male physicians over 65 showed no improvement in cognitive decline using generic multivitamin supplementation. | ||
| So what they're doing is they're taking people that are really fucked up already and dying, old people. | ||
| They're giving them multivitamins that are synthetic. | ||
| Generic. | ||
| Generic, and they're not showing improvement in cognitive decline. | ||
| Well, let's be honest. | ||
| First of all, When someone's having cognitive decline, it's over. | ||
| You're not going to get younger. | ||
| You're going to get older. | ||
| There's almost nothing that improves cognitive decline in people who are old and they're falling apart. | ||
| Almost nothing. | ||
| Unless there's some new miracles that come out. | ||
| So what they're saying is essentially vitamins can't do miracles. | ||
| They can't do any of the miracles that modern science and modern medicine hasn't been able to do either. | ||
| There's no medicines that they can give you that slow cognitive decline in old people. | ||
| I mean, you can maybe cut out a few things in your life that you're doing that are hurting you, like drinking or cleaning up your diet, giving yourself less inflammation. | ||
| There's a bunch of things you can do to slow down the process, but when you're fucking dying, you're fucking dying, man. | ||
| So, for someone to make a study saying that vitamins don't work and they're a waste of money, based on these, that shit is so irresponsible. | ||
| It's so irresponsible. | ||
| And this is coming from, we don't even sell multivitamins. | ||
| You know, I think that the best vitamins that you can get into your body are the closest to how nature intends them, meaning food-based vitamins. | ||
| Nutrients that are based on actual food, not synthetics. | ||
| And synthetics, I'm sure, are better than nothing. | ||
| The idea that they're not is ridiculous. | ||
| The idea that there's a reason why they know that vitamin C cures scurvy, prevents scurvy. | ||
| There's a reason why they know that when you have a lack of calcium, your body can get osteoporosis. | ||
| This is all facts and science. | ||
| People love to shit on things that are controversial when they do not have all the evidence. | ||
| They love to be a naysayer. | ||
| They love to call bullshit. | ||
| And they love to call bullshit when they're fucking wrong. | ||
| And with vitamins and supplementation, I think they're wrong in a huge way. | ||
| I prefer to get my vitamins. | ||
| Look, I take a lot of different nutrients and a lot of different vitamins. | ||
| But I prefer to get my vitamins mostly from green drink powders. | ||
| Powders that are essentially dehydrated greens. | ||
| We sell superfoods on, we call them earthgrown nutrients, on Onnit.com, and it's based on that idea. | ||
| Based on the idea that the things that are the closest to what you eat in the real world if you have a healthy diet, are they going to be the things that your body digests the best. | ||
| And what we have in this superfood, powerfood diet, First of all, we have various greens. | ||
| We have antioxidants. | ||
| The greens that we have All these earth-grown nutrients, it's essentially food that they just take the water out and all the nutrients are left. | ||
| Is it as good as eating fresh vegetables? | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| But it's close. | ||
| It's close enough so that if your diet is off, if you're not getting enough vegetables, if you're not getting enough raw nutrients and minerals, you're gonna have a much better time adding something to your diet than just allowing your body to be in that sort of a situation where it's at a deficit. | ||
| We're going to have some doctors on, some scientists in the near future that are extreme advocates for multivitamin supplementation. | ||
| And we've had many conversations with these people because of these sort of salacious headlines that people are really pissed off because they've seen some... | ||
| Improvement in their patients with various things. | ||
| I mean, there's been several studies that have showed improvement in preventing infectious illnesses, improvement in mood and stress, cognition, work stress, and even juvenile delinquency, a noted help. | ||
| Multivitamins. | ||
| And these are not bullshit studies on the Daily Mail or some shit. | ||
| This is all on PubMed sites. | ||
| These are all published papers. | ||
| And the effect of multivitamin and mineral supplementation on juvenile delinquency amongst American school children. | ||
| A randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled trial. | ||
| So, shut the fuck up about vitamins don't help you. | ||
| Because they do. | ||
| They are the building blocks of life. | ||
| They are nutrients. | ||
| They are what you need in order to live your life optimized. | ||
| And obviously, I'm not a scientist. | ||
| And obviously, I barely get through The shit that I do understand, but the reality of all this stuff is that the more healthy nutrients you get into your body, the better your body is going to work. | ||
| It's really that simple. | ||
| Use the code word ROGAN and you will save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| One of the key points about Onnit supplements is we have a 90 pill, 30 day, 100% money back guarantee. | ||
| You don't even have to return the product. | ||
| If you try something like Alpha Brain or Shroom Tech and you don't like it, you just say you don't like it and you get your money back. | ||
| You can't just keep doing that every month, you silly bitch. | ||
| But the idea is that we're selling you something that we believe in so much that we want to make it as accessible as possible. | ||
| We want to make it so that When you have this relationship with us, if you're buying these supplements, you feel like this is good. | ||
| This is an ethical, good way to do this. | ||
| They sell me something at a reasonable rate that is the best stuff that they can find, and if I don't agree with it, I get my money back. | ||
| No one does that, and the reason why we do it is because we are selling you the best shit we can find. | ||
| The shit that we use. | ||
| Everything we sell we use. | ||
| I use all the strength and conditioning equipment. | ||
| I use all the supplements. | ||
| And I talk too much. | ||
| Onnit.com. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| And the Higher Primate shirts. | ||
| They're all in stock. | ||
| I know I'm fucking real slow at getting them bitches going. | ||
| But they're all in stock now. | ||
| And some new ones coming. | ||
| That's higherprimate.com. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Tommy Bunz is here. | ||
| Cue the music. | ||
|
unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Now that Nick Diaz doesn't fight in the UFC or hasn't fought in the UFC for a long time, that soundbite is even cooler. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| It's a lucky moment in time. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, this weekend, Tommy Buns and I were in New York having a good time in the Big Apple. | ||
| That was fun, man. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| That was a good time. | ||
| The show was insane. | ||
| They were the nicest fucking people on the planet Earth. | ||
| So nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you don't always luck out when you start talking about sizable crowds, when you start talking about over a thousand people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But for them to be that nice felt like a room of... | ||
| Well, it was kind of a screwy situation. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| Because we were at this old venue and this place, the only way you could get to the 10th floor where the auditorium is, is you had to take an elevator. | ||
| And out of the bank of four elevators, two of them were broken. | ||
| And don't forget, the building had thousands of people in it for other massive events. | ||
| Two massive events. | ||
| The Stern Show party, like Stern had a birthday bash. | ||
| Yeah, which was humongous. | ||
| Yeah, he was on one floor. | ||
| And there was, what was that other? | ||
| The Seahawks Super Bowl party was on. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, there's a Seahawks party there. | ||
| Thousands of people. | ||
| And then our show was sold out for months. | ||
| So it was like, it was madness. | ||
| And it was all these people having to go from floor to floor on elevators. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| It's so weird, too, to do a room that big that is not a ground floor room. | ||
| 10th floor. | ||
| It's old as shit. | ||
| The place is old as shit. | ||
| It's really fucking cool. | ||
| The building is badass. | ||
| There's a lot of those old buildings in New York City that you feel different when you're in them. | ||
| When was this building made? | ||
| 1909? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And you're walking around it. | ||
| First of all, they're solid as fuck. | ||
| Think about a building that's been there for a hundred fucking years and it's still rock solid. | ||
| I mean, they made some goddamn buildings back then. | ||
| But on top of that, it's just got all this history in it. | ||
| All these people have been through it and... | ||
| It had some strange design, I guess a flaw, or I don't know what you would say, but just a byproduct of the design. | ||
| There was a wind whistling through the entire hotel. | ||
| So bizarre. | ||
| The entire, it was not a hotel, the entire convention center, whatever you call it, Manhattan Center. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The entire place, like, a 30-mile-an-hour wind. | ||
| Like, you would open doors and wind would come in, but it was warm! | ||
| But you couldn't find the source. | ||
| You couldn't be like, oh, this window's open. | ||
| That's where the wind's from. | ||
| It was some sort of an effect of all these doors being open and the wind coming in from the front door. | ||
| So the wind would come in from the front door with such momentum that it would go down these hallways and literally make it upstairs so you'd be on the 10th floor and the wind would come whistling through. | ||
| I mean, strong wind! | ||
| And the weird thing is that to get to the room to bike to backstage, you go up to the 10th floor and you go down eight hallways with turns. | ||
| So you feel like you're in this weird labyrinth. | ||
| There's not like you go, well, this door's open, it's right here, that's where wind's coming from. | ||
| You weave all the way into this area and And then the wind is hitting you from every angle. | ||
| Yeah, and it's warm. | ||
| It's not even cold wind because it's freezing outside, but by the time the wind gets to you, it's been heated up by the building. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we got, it's like some sort of an internal baby tornado thing going on. | ||
| It was, yeah. | ||
| You know how with tornadoes, I think part of what causes tornadoes and some hurricanes is the two different... | ||
| Yeah, I knew that about hurricanes. | ||
| Dude, even when we went into the green room... | ||
| We felt that wind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was like, oh, because there's a curtain there. | ||
| You move the curtain and there's no window. | ||
| I thought a window was open. | ||
| I just didn't know. | ||
| It was confusing where it was coming from. | ||
| How is it hitting us right now? | ||
| Yeah, it's really weird. | ||
| And when you think about wind in buildings, I think about things like, remember that movie Backdraft? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| I was scared to open doors. | ||
| That when you are in a fire, when you open windows and you open doors, it affects the amount of oxygen coming to the fire and sometimes it's almost like an explosion that comes at you. | ||
| Wind and air and heat and temperature, we deal with them so often on a stable basis. | ||
| Air-conditioned rooms, especially in California, pretty stagnant climates, pretty static climate. | ||
| But when things change radically and have these weird effects, you realize how bizarre the whole idea really is in the first place. | ||
| Fucking air, invisible air around us all the time, whipping around and moving, and you can feel it when it blows on you, but you don't see shit. | ||
| You don't see shit. | ||
| It's also like one of the basic kind of building blocks of the world, of life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think most people know very little, like me, about it. | ||
| Like you kind of go like, how do I not know more about how that works? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I don't. | ||
| I'm just like, yeah, I know oxygen feeds fire. | ||
| And that's kind of my little extent of my knowledge about it. | ||
| It would be weird if Manhattan put a big fucking wall around it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| That would be the way to avoid the window. | ||
| That would certainly, yeah. | ||
| Just put a huge wall. | ||
| But the top of the buildings would still be wiggling. | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| Well, they engineered that in them. | ||
| The fact that they can sway, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, all new buildings will definitely, like buildings in the last 20 years, all will have sway, especially if they're built, well, I'm sure in New York, but like San Francisco, LA, you know, they expect them to have tolerance for earthquakes. | ||
| I was in Ray Kurzweil's house in San Francisco. | ||
| He's that Google guy. | ||
| He works for Google now. | ||
| The guy who works with artificial technology, he's this proponent of the idea of the transcendental man, that one day we're going to be able to transcend our biological existence and either become a part of a computer or download consciousness into computers. | ||
| Fascinating, fascinating dude. | ||
| But he lives on the top of this fucking building. | ||
| This is San Francisco, man. | ||
| This is a crazy place to live. | ||
| This fucking thing moves, man. | ||
| Don't you feel weird about those Malibu homes on sticks? | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| Those people are crazy. | ||
| They're crazy as shit. | ||
| Remember when we were in New York this weekend, when we were flying in, we flew over areas that Hurricane Sandy hit in New Jersey. | ||
| And you see where buildings used to be. | ||
| You see these areas where shit is just wiped out. | ||
| Yeah, scary. | ||
| It's fucking real scary, man. | ||
| It doesn't happen that often. | ||
| No, but when it does. | ||
| But when it does happen, you're fucked. | ||
| And it can happen. | ||
| We just, we're basing everything on such a short timeline. | ||
| You know, our ideas of what weather is possible is only based on the last couple of hundred years. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It's based on a couple of years, and then you also only live so long. | ||
| Like, when you're talking about, like, history, time and history, you know, a human lifespan is not even, like, you don't even measure how often something happens by... | ||
| So we only refer to things happening through, like... | ||
| Oh, it hasn't happened since, like, my grandfather was around. | ||
| That's not that long ago. | ||
| That ain't shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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You know? | |
| Yeah, that happened fucking yesterday in terms of history, so it happens pretty often, actually. | ||
| To put it in perspective, think about the lifetime of, like, say, a housefly. | ||
| What do they live? | ||
| They live, like, seven days, ten days or something like that. | ||
| Okay, let's find out. | ||
| How long does a housefly live? | ||
| I think it's a couple of days. | ||
| Yeah, think about how many horrific things have happened in modern recorded history, weather-wise. | ||
| If you lay that out over stuff we don't know about, really bad natural disasters happen all the time. | ||
| Seven days. | ||
| That's how long a fly lives? | ||
| Yeah, most of them. | ||
| Seven days, sometimes as long as two months. | ||
| Whoa, that's a big difference. | ||
| I'm an old-school pimp, man. | ||
| I've been around here for a minute shitting in this house. | ||
| Just think about how little change happens over the course of seven days in the world. | ||
| I mean, sometimes yes, sometimes no, but the idea of basing the weather on what happens in seven-day increments is fucking completely ridiculous, because we know about seasons. | ||
| Well, seasons don't exist to a goddamn fly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
During Grandfather's Day, the world was frozen. | |
| Things were dark. | ||
| Life was terrifying. | ||
| There was no shit anywhere to land in. | ||
| My pappy was around last month. | ||
| When the shit would drop, it would freeze instantly. | ||
| We couldn't lay eggs. | ||
| You know, I mean, that's what their version of the world would be. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then you talk like 10 generations later. | ||
| It's sort of like a Game of Thrones type of thing where they're talking about the winter being months or years instead of months. | ||
| I still haven't seen that show. | ||
| No. | ||
| How dare you! | ||
| I know. | ||
| One of the things about winter is winter is varying lengths in this crazy world that they live in. | ||
| Sometimes winter lasts for years. | ||
| For years? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| The wind is coming. | ||
| Man, they're all terrified of winter. | ||
| They're all terrified of winter. | ||
| It gives you a good perspective because we know that winter's going to be, even if it's in Iowa, even if it's somewhere like Michigan, it's fucking cold as shit, it's four months, you know, tough it up, suck it up, you'll be all right. | ||
| But if winter was 40 years... | ||
| You've got to move. | ||
| I don't want to hear your argument for why you stayed. | ||
| Yeah, but you know what I'm saying? | ||
| You know, the thinking behind that? | ||
| It's like, that really is what it's like, the difference between living in Michigan and living in California. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's some places where people live that have pretty extensive and sometimes brutal winters. | ||
| Nothing compared to 40 years, but I'm saying you go further north into Canada, there's definitely cities that have... | ||
| You could argue that it's pretty seriously winter by October. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then it just gets varying degrees of worse. | ||
| They're like, this isn't winter yet. | ||
| I know it's five out, but wait until next month. | ||
| And you're like, okay. | ||
| And then you go into November, December. | ||
| Those are freezing. | ||
| January, February the worst. | ||
| And it's still cold in that place in March and sometimes into April. | ||
| Snows in May. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, so you're talking about... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like Edmonton? | |
| Go to Edmonton. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, fuck that. | |
| You can catch a crazy snowstorm in May. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cold as fuck. | |
| Shit goes wrong. | ||
| It's cold as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I ran into a couple in Phoenix that came to the shows, the shows down there, and they live in Edmonton. | ||
| And they said they take the summer off, or the winter off. | ||
| The winter off, yeah. | ||
| They just go to Arizona. | ||
| It's like, fuck this. | ||
| Fuck this, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, especially Phoenix. | ||
| Phoenix is great. | ||
| In the summertime, it's crazy. | ||
| But in the wintertime, it's beautiful. | ||
| That 130 degrees in the summertime is fucking retarded, though. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| That and, like, in Vegas, you're like, what the fuck are we doing? | ||
| Yeah, it gets, like, 110 all the time. | ||
| Where you're just out there cooking, like a hair dryer in your face. | ||
| And if you happen to, like, walk on a pavement, oh my god, or get into a car, and you're looking at the thing, you turn the car on, it says, like, 122 on your dashboard, and you're like... | ||
| It's happening. | ||
| That's the sun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's horrible. | |
| But these people, they lived most of their life in Edmonton, and they were like, fuck this. | ||
| When you think about it, everybody would if they could. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's no such thing as like, I really, you know, I understand people that like the seasons and all that and, you know, the change, but nobody wants to be around 20 below for extensive periods of time usually. | ||
| That's, you know, reasonable. | ||
| I think you kind of want to get out of that naturally after a while. | ||
| Did you ever see that show, Life Below Zero? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| It's one of those Alaska shows where people are living in these strange climates, and there's this woman who operates this refueling station, and it's, I think, a hundred and something miles north of the Arctic Circle. | ||
| So this crazy lady... | ||
| It hurts inside to think of that. | ||
| This is a badass bitch. | ||
| She's by herself up there. | ||
| And she was attacked by a bear once. | ||
| I don't know how she survived, but it broke her leg and I think maybe her hip too and bit into her head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that her? | |
| Yeah, that's her. | ||
| Does she have a beard? | ||
| She's got a little something going on there. | ||
| You would too if you were an old lady. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The more the best. | ||
| Yeah, normally she doesn't look like that. | ||
| She doesn't have the frosting face. | ||
| Don't be cruel to my woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just saw a beard and I was like, she has my beard. | |
| She's a tough broad, man. | ||
| And I've been trying to figure this lady out. | ||
| I watch this show all the time and I'm trying to figure this lady out. | ||
| I think... | ||
| This is what it is. | ||
| I think she's a tough lady that enjoys challenges. | ||
| And so, like, her life is better for her when it's just this constant struggle against nature and the elements. | ||
| She enjoys it. | ||
| She seems to, like, thrive off of it. | ||
| I think that's a, you know, there's individuals you put, you set up circumstances for, it's better for them. | ||
| Like... | ||
| In a big picture, some people work better with structure, and some people work better with no structure. | ||
| And I think you keep progressing along that line. | ||
| Some people can thrive in harsher situations. | ||
| This is ideal for some people, but I think it's not for a lot. | ||
| There's a minimum amount of people that actually... | ||
| Want to be and will thrive in an environment like that. | ||
| Well, everyone is always looking for Phoenix to go to in the middle of the winter. | ||
| Everyone is looking for comfort. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And what these people are doing is going the exact opposite way. | ||
| And they're saying, we're just looking to make it exciting and struggle every day, but we choose to do it this way. | ||
| Like, these are all what you call subsistence hunting people. | ||
| Meaning they live completely off the land. | ||
| They get their vegetables, they grow them, they get their fish. | ||
| That woman right there, that Inuit woman, her fucking whole family has had massive loss because of people falling through the ice and drowning. | ||
| She lost her mother, I think, or her brother. | ||
| She lost several close family members, fell through the ice and fucking froze to death. | ||
| You know, I mean, this is some harsh shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This world is crazy. | ||
| And they have to do it. | ||
| That's the only way you're going to get fish. | ||
| So they're out there on this river. | ||
| This flowing river. | ||
| The top of it freezes and you're standing on it. | ||
| And if you fall through, that's a wrap, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| It's over. | ||
| But there's no other way. | ||
| There's no other way to get the fish out of there. | ||
| But she also has... | ||
| There's purpose... | ||
| For her being up there, in other words, it's a refueling, like she's there for a service or no? | ||
| She's just there. | ||
| No, that woman, that's how they live. | ||
| That's just how she lives. | ||
| That's how they make their money. | ||
| They don't have jobs. | ||
| They just get fish out of the river. | ||
| I mean, there's several groups of people. | ||
| But you were looking at that Inuit woman and her husband. | ||
| Yeah, different groups, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's four or five different groups that they follow. | ||
| Do they sell fish, or is it just fish to eat? | ||
| They sell some things. | ||
| They do a lot of trading, though. | ||
| They'll trade, like, give you a half of a caribou. | ||
| I need a... | ||
| Some fan belts for my car to repair my snowmobile or what have you. | ||
| They travel by snowmobile everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everywhere. | |
| So when they're outside, they're outside, man. | ||
| There's no, like, heated trucks where they're driving around in. | ||
| No, sir. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a crazy hard life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they like it. | ||
| They do like it. | ||
| Well, this one lady is really fascinating because she's... | ||
| I mean, it's hard to tell what someone's really like when you've got a camera in their face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard to tell who they are, if they're relaxed and you're just talking to them. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Sometimes it takes months to get to know someone to find what goes on behind the scenes inside of their head. | ||
| So you don't really know that lady that well from watching her on that show. | ||
| But what you can tell is there's something that she's enjoying about being up there in this really scary environment where she's already been attacked by a fucking bear. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And those are grizzly bears. | ||
| These are the big brown bears. | ||
| They're not like black bears that you can scare away. | ||
| They're there to fuck you up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She hunts caribou and fucking small birds and whatever she could find up there. | ||
| That's where she gets her meat. | ||
| You think the bear was like, I see your beard, I'll give you a break. | ||
| We both have beards? | ||
| No, I think the bear, she probably shot him or something. | ||
| I don't know what the full story is. | ||
| There's not really much topping badass stories as much as I got attacked by a bear and I killed that bear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what's a better story than that? | ||
| Maybe a shark? | ||
| Yeah, but sharks... | ||
| The idea of you fighting off a shark... | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| You don't have much chance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you did, if you're like, you know, that's why I got this half arm right here. | ||
| It's like if a shark kicks your ass on a shore. | ||
| On a shore, yeah. | ||
| Say if you have a giant knife in your hand, and the shark kicks your ass on a shore. | ||
| Like, a shark deserves it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because you were just fucking... | ||
| Well, how's a shark going to get you on the ground? | ||
| You can take a great white shark, put it on the beach. | ||
| I will fuck that thing up. | ||
| There's no chance. | ||
| I will get behind him and I'll stab him right in his stupid brain. | ||
| I'll find it, a little pea brain. | ||
| I'll chop away at the top of his head. | ||
| Do a little dance afterwards. | ||
| And I'm sure he'll open his jaws and shit. | ||
| Whatever, dude. | ||
| You're not in the ocean. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| This is my world, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My house. | |
| Yeah, you're not going to bite me. | ||
| I'm going to stick fucking a knife in your brain and then I'm going to eat you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you're in the water, you have about the same amount of chance, except the only thing that saves you is that sharks are stupid. | ||
| So if there's some way that you could, like, jab it in the nose with, like, a harpoon, if you had, like, one of those fish harpoons, like dudes who go, what do they call it, spearfishing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, shoot the spears? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah, the spear guns. | ||
| If you could, like, stab it in the nose with that, you might be able to get it the fuck away from you because you know that they're kind of sensitive in their nose. | ||
| But you might not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Most likely you will probably not. | ||
| Most likely you'll miss, and it'll bite your arm off, and you'll bleed out, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They swim pretty fucking fast, too. | ||
| Unless you can swim, like, 40 miles an hour, which I don't think... | ||
| Some homeless guy in California yesterday got attacked by a mountain lion. | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, a guy got fucked up. | ||
| Homeless guy, was he hiking? | ||
| Yeah, he was outside. | ||
| He was, like, camping. | ||
| He got attacked by a mountain lion. | ||
| Yeah, not good. | ||
| They're, you know... | ||
| Unusual homeless activity. | ||
| They're gonna have more and more of that. | ||
| They don't really camp when they're homeless. | ||
| It's more just homeless. | ||
| They're always camping. | ||
| They're the best campers. | ||
| Homeless people are constantly camping. | ||
| Well, it depends on what kind of homeless, obviously. | ||
| This guy, it seems like he might have been a crazy person. | ||
| Had a long week of being homeless in the city. | ||
| I'm going to go up to the hills for a little bit. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Little me time. | ||
| That ain't fun, man. | ||
| No, that sucks. | ||
| It's going to happen more. | ||
| You know, this is something we talked about on the Opie and Anthony show when we were in New York. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We talked about mountain lion attacks and Yeah, man. | ||
| And here there's a... | ||
| Sexy group of people right there. | ||
| Yeah, that was... | ||
| Who's that guy in the back? | ||
| Oh, that's me. | ||
| That's Tommy Buns! | ||
| Ricky Gervais, Jim Norton, and Opie and Anthony and us. | ||
| A lot of fun. | ||
| A lot of fun room, man. | ||
| Fuck yeah, it was a lot of fun. | ||
| It was a good time. | ||
| It was so cool meeting... | ||
| I'm a big fan of Ricky Gervais. | ||
| Yeah, he's a nice guy, man. | ||
| Super nice guy. | ||
| Very nice guy. | ||
| Real easy to talk to. | ||
| Very interesting wolf fact that you learned also about the jaw, the biting. | ||
| Yeah, they have a bite that's like five times more powerful than a pit bull. | ||
| I couldn't believe that either, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| I definitely thought he was making that up. | ||
| Exaggerating. | ||
| Yeah, exaggerating it. | ||
| Well, you know, sometimes it's like someone tells you something that's just not correct. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you repeat it. | ||
| I've done that before. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And sometimes, you know, you're not even intending to, like, mislead. | ||
| You heard something, or you think you remember the number, and you're like, I think it's this number, and you just throw it out. | ||
| I've done that. | ||
| I thought it was going to be bigger, obviously. | ||
| I think a wolf bites harder. | ||
| But I didn't think it was going to be five times. | ||
| Five times. | ||
| Fucking bananas. | ||
| Elk bones. | ||
| They can snap the leg bone of an elk. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| What a crazy animal. | ||
| You know, the idea that people think that's a dog, that's so silly. | ||
| And now when you think about, like, just that, whatever you already knew about them, you think about that added stat, and you think about the fact that they hunt in packs. | ||
| Think about three or four of those mouths, what that's possible doing in how quick amount of time. | ||
| You know, I mean, like, they ambush you. | ||
| You know, they come this way, that way, and pretty soon you're looking around like, oh, shit. | ||
| And that's what... | ||
| It happens to animals. | ||
| They get trapped. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Steve Rinella, my friend, the hunter guy from the show Meat Eater, was talking about there was this one thing where people were talking about running and trying to keep up with wolves. | ||
| Could a man try to keep up with the wolf? | ||
| And one of the ways that they tested it is they took these wolf dogs and they let these wolf dogs go and then they had these people run through the mountains and see if they can keep up with the wolf dogs. | ||
| You know, see, like, wolves can run faster, but sometimes people can run longer and steadier pace. | ||
| Well, the wolf's dogs, wolf dogs are not wolves. | ||
| And he was like, the way he described it is like, that's like taking an alien. | ||
| And an alien comes down and finds the fattest, most out of shape guy with the worst diet and says, run as fast as you can. | ||
| We want to see how fast humans can run. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the equivalent of that? | |
| Isn't that a great analogy? | ||
| Because a wolf is a wolf. | ||
| They're not dogs. | ||
| They're not getting fed. | ||
| They're out there running down elk and biting their legs in half. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And this is not a wolf dog. | |
| They're fucking wolves. | ||
| Did you watch this? | ||
| Past season of Eastbound and Down, when he gets his kid a wolf. | ||
| Did you see that or no? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's so ridiculous. | ||
| Did you see that, Brian? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Kenny Powers. | ||
| Gets his kids a pet wolf. | ||
| And he just keeps it in the garage. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And it's on a big chain, like a chain fence. | ||
| He's keeping it padlocked. | ||
| And it's just like, growling at the kids. | ||
| And he's like, go feed it. | ||
| And they're like, Have to throw meat at the wolf. | ||
| Such a great show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what he got. | |
| This is so ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is so ridiculous. | |
| Because of their goddamn oral traditions, but it seems legit to me. | ||
| You know, I'm not so sure that this is a good gift for a five-year-old. | ||
| Come on, it was a perfect gift for Toby. | ||
| With my new high-paying television job, I'm not going to be around the house as much as I'd like to be. | ||
| So it's very important that Toby has a strong male role model. | ||
| So it doesn't turn out weird. | ||
| Toad is going to serve as a spirit guide. | ||
| Spirit Guide. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because of this opportunity, our family's going to be taken care of forever. | |
| Who knows? | ||
| Next stop is Space Camp. | ||
| That show is so funny. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's such a good show. | ||
| That dude is goddamn hilarious. | ||
| He's hysterical, man. | ||
| Did you see him in This is the End? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Holy shit, is he good. | ||
| I mean, that movie, I ran into... | ||
| What the fuck's his name? | ||
| Craig Robinson, the other night, at the Improv, who's in it, where I was telling him, I go, dude, that movie is so goddamn funny, and you were so funny in it, you know? | ||
| And we were talking about the Kenny Power scene, like, when he comes in. | ||
| I mean, like, the movie's outstanding, and then he comes in, and just the whole thing goes to this whole new level of craziness. | ||
| He's hilarious, man. | ||
| This guy's hilarious. | ||
| I love that character. | ||
| Kenny Powers? | ||
| That really cocky, fucking complete idiot character, but just subtle enough of an idiot that like that kind of shit. | ||
| You know, I'm not going to be around a lot, so it's important that he has a strong role model. | ||
| Doesn't grow up to be a pansy. | ||
| He's such a buffoon. | ||
| So fucking funny. | ||
| Those kind of characters are really funny, man. | ||
| You know the best part about that character? | ||
| I read interviews with him and the other guys, Jody Hill, I think, and Ben, I can't remember his name, but they all are behind this, and they're saying how a lot of people appreciate the character and think it's funny for what it is, and then some people are big fans on another level where they're like, yeah, he's right. | ||
| Like, Kane Powers is... | ||
| That's how I think, too. | ||
| Like, they're that kind of fan where they're like, fuck yeah, man. | ||
| That's exactly how I am. | ||
| We're fucking Americans, man. | ||
| That's who we are. | ||
| Tired of this bullshit. | ||
| Getting a wolf from my kid, too. | ||
| It's fucking badass. | ||
| You know your shit, Kenny. | ||
| Yeah, it's annoying if that dude's your fucking neighbor, but on TV they're awesome. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking phenomenal. | ||
| But it's almost better than a reality show. | ||
| Because if a reality show, like if you had a guy like Kenny Powers and you gave him a reality show, he would become famous and he would get annoying. | ||
| Like, essentially that's what you got with the Duck Dynasty people. | ||
| You've got a reality show where, oh, whoops, you made someone famous who's a fucking idiot and a homophobe. | ||
| And they go, I don't get it. | ||
| Why would a man choose a man? | ||
| They're not choosing dummy, you know? | ||
| But now this guy's on TV, he's famous. | ||
| And then you look on Facebook, and you've got all these knuckleheads with their fucking... | ||
| What about freedom of speech? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, I support Duck Dynasty and the Fourth Amendment, whatever amendment it is, First Amendment. | |
| Bitch, you didn't read the Constitution. | ||
| Shut your hole. | ||
| And that show, I'm amazed. | ||
| I mean, I get that, like... | ||
| Stupid as fuck. | ||
| The fact that, like, that they're, you know, you're following this family and you feel like this is how they really are... | ||
| It's all set-ups. | ||
| Like, the show is, like, way overproduced. | ||
| So obvious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| All those guys were at AVN, even. | ||
| That was creepy. | ||
| They were just hanging out at AVN. Like, they have... | ||
| They have set-up. | ||
| Duck Dynasty guys. | ||
| With their duck beards? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| They were at AVN, which is the Porn Awards. | ||
| Porn Awards. | ||
| They were there, like, the weekend. | ||
| Why were they there? | ||
| Because that's the cool thing they do. | ||
| So they were there for the whole weekend doing press? | ||
| No, they were just hanging out. | ||
| And they were at porn events. | ||
| So they're normal. | ||
| They like watching people fuck. | ||
| Good for them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I applaud that, but just not men's anuses. | |
| It is essentially like a Kenny Powers in real life. | ||
| That's the problem with them in real life, is my point. | ||
| So it's like having a guy like this in a TV show, Eastbound and Down, is actually even better, because it's so good, it's better than a reality show. | ||
| Because a reality show, you'd be making that asshole famous, and there'd be people on Facebook, I fucking agree with him, man! | ||
| I support him! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking support the shit out of him and his right as an American. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, these ideas that... | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This is Will Ferrell and Kenny Powers. | ||
| Will Ferrell owns a car dealership. | ||
| It's the best fucking shit ever. | ||
| Is this from Eastbound and Down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I need to watch that whole season, man. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| But... | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of those people in real life, and sometimes folks, all they need is, like, one example like that, and that little shift. | ||
| Like, you could have people on the fence who are just thinking about, like, waking up and going, you know, what do I care if someone's gay, man? | ||
| What is it in me that gets mad about these gay people? | ||
| And why do I, you know, say they're going to burn in hell? | ||
| Maybe I should just fucking relax. | ||
| And then they see that guy on TV, and they see he's been kicked off TV. You know what? | ||
| That's it! | ||
| I'm fucking headed up to here with these queers! | ||
| I'm like, There's a tipping point where a guy like that on a television show and that whole debate getting out there without any real rational response from either the media, from A&E, from anybody. | ||
| No one gets on TV and says, look, we're here to make a big statement about this. | ||
| This is what's wrong with this, and this is why we have a problem with it. | ||
| It's not about freedom of speech. | ||
| It's not about speaking your mind. | ||
| It's about what's on your mind, man. | ||
| What is on your mind? | ||
| Your mind is that they're gonna burn in hell? | ||
| Your mind is some fire and brimstone if someone is in love with another man and marries them? | ||
| You're an idiot, okay? | ||
| You're a dangerous idiot. | ||
| You're taking people that I know for a fact are born that way. | ||
| I'm no scientist, but I know a gay kid in my neighborhood. | ||
| He's five. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| He's fucking gay, okay? | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that, but he's gay. | ||
| This kid's gay. | ||
| His parents are trying to get him to play football. | ||
| He doesn't want to have nothing to do with football. | ||
| He's always dressing up in dresses. | ||
| He puts girls' clothes on. | ||
| He plays with dolls. | ||
| He's a gay kid, okay? | ||
| He likes boys. | ||
| It's the weirdest thing to see from the jump, but his parents are very supportive. | ||
| You know, I mean, they wanted him to try boy things. | ||
| He's not really into it, but there's no hate going on, so he's going to be okay. | ||
| You haven't tried baiting him out of him yet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| No, but what happens if a kid like that is watching television, and he realizes he's gay, and maybe he's 12 or 13, and he's thinking about sex, and he's watching this, and he feels horrible about himself. | ||
| Which he probably does, because that definitely happened. | ||
| Right, over nothing. | ||
| Over something he can't control. | ||
| Over something he's born with. | ||
| That's why it's dangerous. | ||
| It's just as dangerous as being critical about people for a bunch of other things they can't control. | ||
| It's just as dangerous as being racist. | ||
| People don't understand that. | ||
| They don't see it that way. | ||
| But a person... | ||
| I don't know why anybody would want to choose to hang out with a black man over hanging out with a white man. | ||
| I mean, I just don't get it. | ||
| There's more there. | ||
| That's the same statement. | ||
| It's the same statement. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| There's no difference, man. | ||
| That's the parallel when people talk about, like, oh, you know, it's not the same thing you've been through and are, like, comparing the civil rights movement to this. | ||
| But the thing that's similar is that you're just trying to put down and isolate a group of people for something that they can't control because you don't want any part of that. | ||
| So that's the parallel is that whether you don't want to hang around or you want to put down black people or Asian people or whoever it may be, that's the same thing as putting down somebody and not wanting them to have the rights just because they were born with a certain sexual orientation. | ||
| That's the parallel. | ||
| Well, people don't want anyone to make the comparisons to civil rights. | ||
| They don't want anyone to be able to compare to slavery. | ||
| Yeah, because then they're like, oh, we really are wrong. | ||
| Well, no, because what I'm saying is people, like, civil rights people don't like it because they feel that it somehow or another diminishes the horrors of slavery. | ||
| Like, there's an issue that people have with, like, comparing something to racism. | ||
| And black people, in particular, have an issue with gay people comparing themselves and the plight of gay Americans to racism. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| I've heard people scream and yell about it, about it's not the same, and fuck you, and some people, gay is a choice. | ||
| I've seen a lot of weirdness, almost as if... | ||
| They're worried that it somehow or another diminishes what's horrible about slavery, which is ridiculous. | ||
| Slavery was horrible, still is. | ||
| Racism was horrible, still is. | ||
| But so is homophobia. | ||
| That's just as horrible. | ||
| The people that think it's not, it's just because you're not gay. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| If that was who you are, and people were angry about who you are, it would be just as bad as you being born Chinese and people hate Chinese people. | ||
| And you're like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| I didn't do anything. | ||
| You hate me because of the way I was born? | ||
| It's the same goddamn thing. | ||
| And the idea is, well, yeah, well, nobody ever owned gay people. | ||
| They killed them. | ||
| It's in the Bible. | ||
| It's in the Bible that you should be put to death for lying with another man. | ||
| You don't think that they've been persecuted? | ||
| There's a hundred different religions where it's illegal or against their rules to be gay. | ||
| You could start with Islam and work your way up through a bunch of other different ones. | ||
| There's countries that don't even... | ||
| Yeah, Russia! | ||
| Fucking Russia! | ||
| Russia, that's insane. | ||
| Insane! | ||
| Yeah, that Russia is... | ||
| They have discriminatory laws against gay people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They do. | |
| And Putin came out, because we were about to have the Winter Olympics there, and said that gay athletes have nothing to worry about, they're not going to be discriminated against when they're in Russia for the Winter Olympics, but... | ||
| Rules still apply where you're not supposed to be talking about it to anybody and giving your opinions on. | ||
| So we're not going to do anything to you because you're gay and you're here, but don't be talking about it. | ||
| Yeah, and stay away from kids. | ||
| And stay away from kids, which was the most... | ||
| Really? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That's the part that I didn't mention. | ||
| That's a big whoa. | ||
| That's a big whoa. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, look, they are fostering an environment of hate and fear. | ||
| We should look at that very carefully as people that understand human nature, okay? | ||
| Let's look at... | ||
| What you would want if you were trying to dominate a nation and control it in a sort of a dictatorship form. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Which is essentially what Putin's got going on there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, say he was voted in or what. | ||
| The guy's not going anywhere if he get voted out, you know? | ||
| I mean, he left his term, put in someone who worked for him, and then took over again after that guy was gone. | ||
| I mean, he's running Russia, okay? | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| The way to run, the way to be a dictator, the way to run an empire is through fear, through control and fear. | ||
| And as many enemies as you have that you have to protect the people from, the better. | ||
| And so one of the things that dictators do is they start pushing people against other people. | ||
| If you can get people to be inter-conflicted amongst the ranks of the normal civilians, you can guarantee that they're going to be busy. | ||
| They're going to have conflict. | ||
| They're not going to be able to deal with taxes or the rules or the military, choices the military's making. | ||
| They're so busy with their own shit, worried about these people going after this group and this ethnic group going after that group and, you know, the gays are going to touch their kids. | ||
| I mean, there's... | ||
| And then, you know, fostering violence against gay people is going to foster anger from gay people against straight people. | ||
| I mean, there's a blowback on both sides. | ||
| You guarantee conflict. | ||
| Yeah, it's so, it's so, it guarantees that it's so crazy, outrageous to, you know, suggest, like imply that gays will want children, you know? | ||
| It's almost like he's trolling. | ||
| Yeah, like the idea that they're not, you know, adults with natural, you know, sexual behavior just happens to be for a different... | ||
| But that they would not be able to control themselves and be attracted to. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| It's so crazy and so stupid. | ||
| I think a thing, by the way, about why you say black people sometimes get more fired up about the comparison is, in my experience... | ||
| A lot of black people that come from, like, really Christian homes, they're more intolerant towards gay people a lot of times. | ||
| The ones who come from really Christian homes. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of that. | ||
| Well, that's what happened with Proposition 8 in California. | ||
| I mean, that was a real embarrassment where they repealed gay people's right to marry. | ||
| That was an embarrassment. | ||
| And a disproportionate amount of black people voted for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a weird number. | ||
| It was like over 50%. | ||
| But I think even like outside of the Christian homes, you would find, I think in a lot of cases, more homophobia in the black community. | ||
| I think it exists more. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| I think it does. | ||
| How much black work have you done? | ||
| I can dance. | ||
| I can do a lot of things. | ||
| I'm saying that black people are 13% of our population. | ||
| All I'm saying is that I think a bigger percentage of the population is homophobic. | ||
| I'm getting it from just having spoken and been exposed to a lot of black people. | ||
| What's amazing, apparently, a lot of these African American churches organized drives to vote against Proposition 8. But I was saying that the church community is bigger in black culture. | ||
| That's a bigger thing. | ||
| And I think that that... | ||
| They're pretty openly, most of the time, saying that it's bad, that gays are bad. | ||
| So I think that that kind of breeds that homophobia more in that community. | ||
| I'm not saying that all black people are homophobic or that they're all preaching that and all doing that. | ||
| I'm saying that I think that exists more in that culture, in that community. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| There's not just that, but Mormons also spent a lot of money. | ||
| Mormons very much. | ||
| I mean, I think a lot of people have given the credit to the Mormons for defeating that Prop 8, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they put a lot of money into it, apparently. | ||
| A lot of money, yeah. | ||
| Which is, I had a joke about it in Talking Monkeys in Space. | ||
| Oh yeah, about... | ||
| That Mormons should be afraid of gay people because if you're dumb enough to be a Mormon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's right. | |
| That was really funny. | ||
| Pretty much, someone can talk you to being a Mormon, they can talk you in the suck of their dick. | ||
| It's just a matter of how much time they spend with you. | ||
| Yeah, then you break down the whole, you know, what Mormonism is. | ||
| Which is like, right, isn't it? | ||
| The guy was like, no, I got all the rules. | ||
| They gave them to me. | ||
| But, you know, what's interesting is that this also becomes another point of contention because now black people are being persecuted by gay people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, it puts this weird thing. | ||
| So there's another battle taking place. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I don't believe in those kind of conspiracies. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| necessarily that like the whole social structure of this country is organized keep people poor so there's conflict and keep people rich so they keep voting for corporations they want to protect their wealth yeah this is and keep the the divide between the two and every now and then you know organized chaos in a way that we were sort of kind of hinting that maybe Putin or someone does but if you're gonna do it this is the way to do it yeah the way to do it is to take like what's your ordinary like liberals okay let's let's break down liberals Liberals, | ||
| like, left wing, they're almost always voting pro-minority. | ||
| They vote pro-minority and almost always pro-gay rights. | ||
| So what better to separate that mess and cause confusion amongst the ranks is to get those two factors on your enemy, these two, like, static, constant factors, and have them duking it out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So now you have people who support gay rights and people that support the idea that gays should be married duking it out with black people, with minorities and Christian minorities who almost universally vote Democratic. | ||
| So it's like, whoa, that was a tricky thing you did there. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Because by causing trouble between those groups of people, you essentially weaken the entire party. | ||
| And that's what happens. | ||
| If you connect black people and gay people, that black people keep gay people from voting, the whole left wing becomes a fucking mess. | ||
| It becomes chaos, because white guilt runs rampant through the left, through Democrats, so many, especially educated Democrats, Who are filled with white guilt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they don't want to come down on black people. | ||
| And they don't want to come down on black people even for something as heinous as Proposition 8. Yeah. | ||
| Because if Proposition 8 was being supported by a bunch of church-going white people, much more like it was being read, you know, strictly by Baptists, but white Baptists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And there was all these white Baptist leaders on TV talk. | ||
| You would marginalize them as fools, as buffoons. | ||
| They would joke about them. | ||
| But people weren't doing that about black people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was this weird sort of like touchy subject, tough to do. | ||
| You know, you didn't see people like mocking all these black people, like whether it's on The Daily Show or whether it's on any of these left-wing websites. | ||
| We're mocking black people for the majority of them voting for this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, you didn't see that. | ||
| No, the whole thing gets very tricky. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting, too. | ||
| The big thing now is, for the last few years, people trying to figure out how the Republican Party can really compete again, win the White House and win certain other elections. | ||
| And one of the things that keeps being brought up is that The younger, there's certain constants among the left and the right. | ||
| Like if you go abortion, you know who's pro-life, who's pro-choice. | ||
| And with the gay thing is that The far right won't, you know, support that, right? | ||
| They're not going to support it. | ||
| But the younger generation of new voters, even ones who are conservative, have conservative values, grew up in a world where it's more welcoming to the gay community. | ||
| And they're not necessarily—like, moderate ones can be— I tell you, you're always going to try to win over, right? | ||
| Somebody who's not an extremist. | ||
| They're leaning left now, younger voters, because of some of these extreme constants. | ||
| And so it's like, if that party, the right, could... | ||
| I think it most certainly would. | ||
| Yeah, and would they then be able to compete more for these maybe younger voters, you know, the more open-minded young people who feel like that's a basic right? | ||
| It's kind of an interesting way to look at it. | ||
| Like, if you change your position on that, do you then get somebody who you want elected? | ||
| You get a lot of the no-nonsense people that just happen to vote left because of social issues. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You would get those. | ||
| And that's a pretty substantial number. | ||
| 70% of black people voted in favor for Proposition 8. 70% of black people voted that gay people shouldn't be allowed to be married and that they should take that right away from them. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| That's fucking gross. | ||
| That's gross and terrifying. | ||
| It's funny because I'm reading an article on Huffington Post. | ||
| Stop blaming California's black voters for Proposition 8. That's what it says? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Don't blame them. | ||
| Because a lot of other people voted for it as well. | ||
| But if you don't think that it's embarrassing and gross that 70% of black people voted for some silly law that takes away the right for people that are in love to get married, I think maybe it is because, I mean, obviously it's religious. | ||
| That's the big thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's the big thing. | ||
| Maybe it's like black dudes who just don't want to get married at all. | ||
| They're like, man, fuck this. | ||
| No one should get married. | ||
| Let's stop it with gay people. | ||
| If less of them get married, less of us have to get married, let's cut the shit. | ||
| That's the black agenda. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm tired of divorce, dude. | |
| Let's end marriage, man. | ||
| I'm tired of divorce. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's just how people are raised. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| People change later on in life. | ||
| If you're young, you think a certain way. | ||
| Some of those people will be converted to thinking differently with time. | ||
| You know, anybody... | ||
| You can have your own ideas in this life. | ||
| You can have your own thoughts and you can have your own unique point of view. | ||
| The real problem is when your ideas start fucking with other people's lives for no reason. | ||
| Your ideas are... | ||
| Based on just some shit that you believe that's 2,000 plus years old. | ||
| If you want to believe the gay thing in the Bible, man, you're really cherry picking. | ||
| Because there's a lot of other shit in there too, along with gay people. | ||
| You're not supposed to wear two different types of clothes. | ||
| You're not supposed to wear silk and cot. | ||
| That's punishable by sins upon your life. | ||
| Smash your hand with rocks. | ||
| There's some great old... | ||
| You know, sayings that they used to say. | ||
| But one of them is like, you threaten with death if you rend your clothes, if you tear your clothes. | ||
| So like people who have like holes where their knees are and shit like that, fashion, in the Bible you're supposed to die for that. | ||
| You're supposed to be put to death for that. | ||
| Man, there's some neighborhoods we could really wipe out right now. | ||
| We could go in there and clean house. | ||
| You're gone, Silver Lake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Silver Lake doesn't do that anymore. | ||
| Oh, they have a new fashion? | ||
| Yeah, they're cardigans now, right? | ||
| Oh, shit, maybe. | ||
| Aren't they like all hipsters? | ||
| Here's 19 things the Bible forbids other than homosexuality. | ||
| I put this on Twitter the other day because it's just... | ||
| It's so fucking silly. | ||
| Here's the exact quote in Leviticus. | ||
| Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes, yet ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people. | ||
| Okay, so if you don't uncover not your heads, which means don't uncover your head, keep your head covered. | ||
| Got it. | ||
| Okay, if you don't keep your head covered, that means you're going to die and wrath will come upon all the people. | ||
| So everyone not wearing a hat, you fucked us up. | ||
| Imagine if that was the key, that all we had to do was all wear hats, and God was like, good, peace on earth. | ||
| I love hats. | ||
| I wrote that shit down a long time ago. | ||
| You motherfuckers didn't listen. | ||
| Everyone's caught up in this gay shit. | ||
| I want hats! | ||
| I want fucking everyone wearing a hat! | ||
| Wear a hat. | ||
| By God, God's orders are wear Kangals. | ||
| I got stock in that company. | ||
| It's like God's hair nut. | ||
| Like, if you work in a restaurant, you have to wear a hair nut. | ||
| God's like, you're not wearing hats, you fuck! | ||
| Make a soup over here, man. | ||
| Make no mistake, folks. | ||
| I'm not paraphrasing. | ||
| I'm directly quoting this from the English translation of the Bible. | ||
| Uncover not your heads. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Maybe it meant your other head. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| Maybe it keeps your dick covered, but they didn't call that a head back then. | ||
| They called it a mushroom cap. | ||
| They thought it was a mushroom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're not supposed to trim your beard, by the way. | ||
| Neither shall thou mar the corners of thy beard. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| How come they're not going crazy about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The President of the United States is clearly shaving his beard. | |
| Death will come upon us. | ||
| It's not convenient. | ||
| So fucking stupid. | ||
| You know what's even more stupid? | ||
| Really religious people with religious tattoos. | ||
| Because that's in the Bible too, fuckface! | ||
| You're not supposed to get tattoos! | ||
| Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you. | ||
| I am the Lord. | ||
| Cuts in your flesh for the dead. | ||
| Like, instead of, like, marking a picture of your mom. | ||
| Like, Eddie Bravo's got a... | ||
| Kat Von D did a tattoo of his grandma on his chest. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| And it reminds him of his grandma. | ||
| Against the Bible! | ||
| Death. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You're not supposed to... | ||
| I mean, that's essentially what it is. | ||
| You print something on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a tattoo. | |
| So if we followed all the rules of the Bible, it would just be like a murderous rampage constantly in the world. | ||
| We would be so fucked. | ||
| Slaughtering everybody. | ||
| Everyone would be fucked. | ||
| Well, how about every Catholic would burn at the stake, okay? | ||
| You would all die in hell. | ||
| Because you're not supposed to drink wine in church. | ||
| You're not supposed to do that. | ||
| It says in the Bible, Leviticus 10.9, Do not drink wine, nor strong drink, though... | ||
| This is so weird. | ||
| Nor thy sons with thee when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die. | ||
| Okay, so what that means is you drink wine in church, you die. | ||
| But everybody drinks wine in church! | ||
| Part of the Holy Sacrament. | ||
| Was there even a quote that he said, like, I don't even want you to make a church, I'd rather you... | ||
| Yes, well that was Jesus. | ||
| See, the Jesus stuff is very, it's much different. | ||
| The Jesus stuff, you gotta get your piss on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All the... | |
| The Jesus stuff is very different because Jesus and most of what a lot of people quote about that is all from the New Testament and the New Testament is even sketchier than the Old Testament. | ||
| The Old Testament is sketchy because it was originally written in ancient Hebrew and the oldest versions of some of these stories are actually the Dead Sea Scrolls which are written in Aramaic and they're actually on animal skins that they found in an area of Israel called Qumran and they found these clay pots and inside these clay pots They found these ancient, ancient scrolls. | ||
| And some of them are so fucked up that they have to piece them together with, like, tweezers. | ||
| And they've spent years and years and years and years deciphering these things, man. | ||
| And, you know, you can see them online, actually. | ||
| They have photos. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| I think there's a website, Dead Sea Scrolls, online. | ||
| But... | ||
| That's the only version of the Bible that's in Aramaic. | ||
| Yeah, Dead Sea Scrolls Online, it's actually dss.collections.img.org. | ||
| Just look up Dead Sea Scrolls Online and Google it. | ||
| Get a new address. | ||
| Yeah, that shit's ridiculous. | ||
| Well, it's some academic. | ||
| But you can read these scrolls. | ||
| Like, click on each one, Brian, and you can actually get an image of the actual scroll itself. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And all that stuff's on animal skins. | ||
| So this is in Aramaic, which is the only version of the Bible I think that they know of that's in Aramaic. | ||
| So all this shit that we're reading here is the stuff that's from essentially the oldest stories of the Bible. | ||
| The New Testament was actually commissioned by Constantine. | ||
| The Roman Emperor Constantine. | ||
| There's big chunks missing from this. | ||
| So there could be a word that says, don't, instead of do it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, it's clearly, you know, they don't have the full work. | ||
| But it's pretty amazing that they even have that. | ||
| Because, you know, this is thousands and thousands and thousands of years old. | ||
| And it's made out of an animal skin. | ||
| I mean, it's really pretty incredible that it exists at all. | ||
| I mean, even if it's only pieces of it, but it's so cool that they found this shit in clay pots. | ||
| And these, of course, were stories that were told in like an oral tradition for a thousand years before anybody figured out how to write them down. | ||
| But then you're dealing with the New Testament, which was Constantine and a bunch of bishops put together. | ||
| So it's much more recent. | ||
| They actually know who the people were who put it together. | ||
| And it was all like way after Jesus was dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't that crazy? | |
| Isn't that crazy, though, when you really stop and think about the fact that some dudes wrote this down? | ||
| Not just some dudes, but an emperor who clearly wanted to convert all of his people to Christianity to control them. | ||
| But that we still are like, well, this is the thing we've got to follow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, the dude, Constantine, didn't even get baptized until, like, right before he died. | ||
| Like, you know, I mean, I think, you know, he had to get baptized so that the next people could say, no, no, no, we got him. | ||
| He's good. | ||
| You know, stay Christian. | ||
| Everyone stays Christian. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Because if he dies and he's not baptized, you have to admit to the entire world that this guy, you know, somehow or another is going to hell. | ||
| The guy who converted everybody to Christianity ran the Roman Empire that way. | ||
| And hired all these bishops to put together the Bible. | ||
| That's where the New Testament comes from. | ||
| So when you're dealing with the New Testament, you're dealing with an even squirrelier piece of work. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Because it's like, what dubious fucking origins? | ||
| Like, you're telling me Constantine's got a direct line to God? | ||
| Some murderous Roman Empire guy, he's got a direct line to God? | ||
| Bitch, just get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Get my face right here. | ||
| The oldest, oldest shit is ridiculous. | ||
| The newer, older shit is ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If there was no Bible at all, man, somebody would try to make one up. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Some dude would be right now writing it. | ||
| Do you ever think about... | ||
| You know how every year or a few years a story will come about where a guy's like, I'm Christ. | ||
| Like, I'm Jesus Christ. | ||
| I'm back. | ||
| And then, you know, whatever. | ||
| He'll fucking die in a shootout or some shit or get arrested. | ||
| Do you ever think about the fact that, like... | ||
| 2,000 years ago, somebody could have been like, I'm God. | ||
| And that's that guy? | ||
| It's just that it happened long ago and nothing happened to him? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| If you're just really good at it, you could dominate a huge group of people. | ||
| And by the way, you could also have some really cool shit to say as well as being a fucking nut. | ||
| Like Deepak Chopra. | ||
| Like Deepak Chopra, we were talking about him on ONA. He's got some really cool shit to say. | ||
| He's a silly man. | ||
| He says a lot of silly shit. | ||
| Like, I used to be an atheist until I realized I was God. | ||
| That was one of his quotes. | ||
| Because we're all God? | ||
| Is that that kind of thing? | ||
| What the fuck ever? | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| You're not God. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Turn some water into wine. | ||
| You can't do it? | ||
| Shut your mouth. | ||
| We're all God. | ||
| You're God. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| That's silly. | ||
| Shut your mouth. | ||
| Don't say shit like that. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| It makes people marginalize you. | ||
| Marginalizes the whole idea of universal consciousness when you talk in such fucking vague and silly terms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, Joseph. | |
| Oh, we're all God. | ||
| Oh, please, go on. | ||
| Go on with your Gucci sunglasses. | ||
| Civilization theory, you're a God, though. | ||
| If that was true. | ||
| Well, simulation theory, no. | ||
| You're part of a program. | ||
| And you're running this program somehow or another in the background. | ||
| Simulation theory is not that you're... | ||
| You're thinking of, like, the secret more. | ||
| You're thinking, instead of simulation theory, you think of the power of suggestion or the power of positive thinking or the idea... | ||
| I was thinking of me somewhere in the future, just sitting there watching myself sleep. | ||
| Or, you know, like... | ||
| I'm the one that started the program and I'm kind of playing a game right now of me right here. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I don't think anybody thinks that. | ||
| I think that. | ||
| That you created this whole thing? | ||
| I think that somewhere in the future I'm sitting here doing a simulation of myself. | ||
| Well, and I don't think people think that they created it. | ||
| I think most people think that it's just something that's running that you're a part of. | ||
| But if you think that you actually created itself, you know, why don't you know how to create anything now? | ||
| Like how come you're not like a computer programmer? | ||
| You lost all that knowledge in the simulation? | ||
| No, because this me is just a program. | ||
| So you, it's like you can marginalize yourself in your computer program. | ||
| So you could be like some super genius who knows all and say, I am going to give myself limited knowledge and information in this life. | ||
| It's a realistic simulation. | ||
| As a goof, to make life more difficult, I'm going to make myself really dumb and lazy. | ||
| And I'm going to give myself a club foot. | ||
| And I'm going to give myself one hand that works, another hand that's like semi-paralyzed from birth. | ||
| Like, it's so crazy. | ||
| Like, we're all doing it. | ||
| We're all creating our own universe and just some people did a really shitty job of designing themselves. | ||
| No, that's just to make it look realistic. | ||
| You have to have, like, legless people around there. | ||
| Okay, so they're not you, so they're not real. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That's Melissa Etheridge type thinking. | ||
| Is that what she thinks? | ||
| Melissa Etheridge says that she gets on an airplane, she's really happy for all the other people on the airplane because she knows that airplane's not going to crash because she's on it because she's sort of creating her world. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| The power of suggestion. | ||
| I'm really, really proud of her. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Well, maybe she's right. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| It's so easy to goof on her or anybody who thinks that way, but we can't prove that's not the case. | ||
| We can't. | ||
| We can't prove what kind of power your consciousness has over the world itself. | ||
| We assume there's a lot of random factors that come into play in life. | ||
| Whether it's with car accidents or meteor impacts or disease, name it, fill in the blank. | ||
| But we don't know that. | ||
| And there's a lot of things about being a person that are very strange. | ||
| There's a lot of things about our interactions with each other, about energy, about the amount of energy you put out and what you get back, the way you interact with humans. | ||
| And how do we not know that those things in some way or another, the way you interact with people, flavor not just your relationships with those people, but the entire reality that you live in? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| It's very possible that there's more flexibility and that the world is more malleable than we think it is. | ||
| And that we have everything defined in terms of what something weighs or how much distance this is. | ||
| But these are just sort of crude static factors in a constantly changing and moving world. | ||
| And the human mind interacting with that world might be much more significant than we think it is. | ||
| It's one of the The smallest, tiniest thing. | ||
| It's magic. | ||
| It's all magic. | ||
| When you get into quantum mechanics, when you get into string theory, subatomic particles, when you get into really complex mathematics and different experiments they do on the smallest, tiniest, measurable parts of the world, it's all magic. | ||
| It's all empty space. | ||
| I mean, atoms are mostly empty space. | ||
| Inside these subatomic particles, they're moving and they're still at the same time. | ||
| They blink in and out of existence. | ||
| They go somewhere and they disappear and then they come back. | ||
| We have no idea where they go. | ||
| We just know they go somewhere. | ||
| They exhibit magic. | ||
| The lowest measurable part of the universe itself is magic. | ||
| The smallest portions that we can measure are magic. | ||
| So just because everything is big and this table is made out of oak and this microphone is metal, that doesn't mean shit. | ||
| I mean, it means shit if I hit you over the head with this, it's gonna fucking hurt because that's the rules we've chosen. | ||
| But the actual reality itself, it's very malleable. | ||
| There's a lot of weirdness to the world. | ||
| I don't think Melissa Etheridge is totally right. | ||
| I think there's a lot of hubris involved in thinking that you have the answer and that you thinking good thoughts and, you know, this plane is never gonna crash. | ||
| I don't believe that. | ||
| I mean, this is coming also from a person who suffered from cancer. | ||
| So it's like, I think it's a self-serving philosophy to think that way. | ||
| You might be right, but to say you're right, I think, is crazy. | ||
| Yeah, and you can't dictate. | ||
| I mean, I think positive thinking is a good thing, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not all safe because you walked in the room. | ||
| But it might be. | ||
| That's what's fucked. | ||
| It might not be. | ||
| Might be, meaning it might be because it's her? | ||
| Or it might be because of... | ||
| Because of anybody. | ||
| Anybody. | ||
| Anybody who thinks a certain way. | ||
| Anybody who lives their life with... | ||
| It sounds like bullshit. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| If people are going crazy right now listening to this, I agree with you. | ||
| It sounds like bullshit. | ||
| Most likely, it's not true. | ||
| But it might be true. | ||
| We can't prove that it's not. | ||
| We don't know all of the interactions that the human mind and consciousness have on the universe itself. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| We assume that it's as simple as you are responsible for your life, you're responsible for your actions, you're responsible for where you drive and where you go to school, what comes out of your mouth. | ||
| We assume that that is just a part of the mathematical interaction of human beings in this culture, in this society, in this civilization. | ||
| But we're not totally sure. | ||
| It is possible that your thinking and that your mind itself might affect reality. | ||
| Because the reality that you see and the reality that I see is just what's in front of us. | ||
| We assume that this is constantly going on behind the scenes. | ||
| You assume that when you go home and you sit in front of the TV, you assume I exist. | ||
| Until I text you, you don't know for sure. | ||
| Until you call me or we meet and we high-five and get on a plane, go tell some jokes, we don't know that we exist. | ||
| We just assume, based on the evidence that I've accumulated, when I go home, I assume that you, Tommy Buns, live your life. | ||
| But I don't know what the fuck you do. | ||
| The whole thing could be a joke. | ||
| My life could be non-real. | ||
| In your world, I could be just what happens when you come around the program that is Joe Rogan. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I might not be real. | ||
| You leave this room and you go out and this whole thing might shut down. | ||
| And the only time it turns on is when you're watching. | ||
| Sort of like the difference between particles being observed and not being observed. | ||
| They exhibit different behavior because they're interacting with whatever the fuck it is that measures them. | ||
| It all goes back to reality is what you make of it. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Well, maybe, but you can really... | ||
| If you decide to live your life within that thought that reality is what I make of it, you dictate everything. | ||
| In a lot of ways, you do. | ||
| In a lot of ways, you do. | ||
| When people die, they always say they see the light. | ||
| When they come back to life, when they die, they always see the light. | ||
| They always say, like, I saw my... | ||
| Family was all there and it was all cloudy. | ||
| People were smoking weed. | ||
| What if that was just you waking up going, oh yeah, this was a whole program that I did and my family's here and we're all just hanging out. | ||
| Well, that's a joke that I used to do about the aliens. | ||
| The simulation theory, what it really is, the reason why aliens exist, that's us. | ||
| Aliens are us in the future, and what we are is we're people that fucked up, and we evolved too far. | ||
| We eliminated all the fun out of the world. | ||
| We eliminated sex, blowjobs, muscle cars, cigarettes. | ||
| We took out whiskey. | ||
| We eliminated all human conflict, and what are we left with? | ||
| We're left with boring bullshit. | ||
| We don't have bodies. | ||
| We have these weird stick bodies anymore. | ||
| We don't have dicks. | ||
| Somewhere along the line, people realize that dicks and vaginas are causing huge fucking problems. | ||
| There's too many women out there that are getting pregnant to keep a man. | ||
| There's too many men out there that are raping. | ||
| There's too much nonsense. | ||
| There's too many people that are having babies that really don't support these children correctly. | ||
| So sex and sexual urges being what's responsible for breeding, we gotta factor that out. | ||
| We gotta take that out of the equation. | ||
| So one day, they got everything Like, changed and evolved to a point where they eliminated all the variables in the world. | ||
| They have too much power and they eliminated sex and emotions. | ||
| And we don't like it. | ||
| So we plug ourselves in to a simulated version of the roaring 20s of the digital age. | ||
| It's not a coincidence that we are, at this moment in time, the craziest moment the world has ever known, where the world and the universe is constantly changing every second of every day. | ||
| It's not a coincidence at all. | ||
| In fact, this is what we asked for. | ||
| We asked to be born in this time. | ||
| We right now... | ||
| I mean, I said this on stage Friday night, but I believe it. | ||
| We live in the greatest time to be alive ever. | ||
| This is the strangest, wildest, most... | ||
| They're the most possibility-filled time in life. | ||
| There's so many things going on constantly. | ||
| There was something in the news today that the first monkeys were born that have... | ||
| They altered the genetics of them. | ||
| I'll pull it up on Twitter because this is such a strange... | ||
| strange... | ||
| When I posted it, everybody was like, wait a minute, isn't this how fucking Planet of the Apes got started? | ||
| But it is how Planet of the Apes got started. | ||
| These idea, first monkeys with customized DNA, programmed genetic mutations. | ||
| So they are programmed genetic mutations, and these monkeys were born. | ||
| So they're working on creating a perfect monkey. | ||
| They're going to alter the genes of these monkeys, and they're going to continue to alter genes of the monkeys until essentially they have a monkey that's as smart as a fucking person. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Or a monkey that has a giant dick. | ||
| Or a monkey that grows wings and flies like a bat. | ||
| This program's in place? | ||
| This is something that's being planned? | ||
| The monkeys are born. | ||
| These monkeys are born. | ||
| We live in a fantastic time. | ||
| And the idea being that what the aliens are, when everybody has these archetypal experiences, it's always these things that look very similar to what you would expect human beings to eventually become. | ||
| If you go back to the lower hominids, you go back to monkeys, you go back to chimpanzees, you go back to the great apes, And you look at them in comparison to us, what do you see? | ||
| Well, they have more hair, they look much stronger, they're much more physically fit. | ||
| You take the average person that works in an office, the average man, and you compare them to the great apes. | ||
| They're all fat and they're skinny, they have no muscle. | ||
| What is going to be next? | ||
| What's going to be next? | ||
| Well, what's going to be next is that we're going to continue the trend to not need brawn, to not need biological strength. | ||
| The brains are going to get bigger. | ||
| Telekinesis, the ability to control things with the mind, the ability to talk without using language, so the mouth is going to shrink up. | ||
| The environment's going to be all fucked, so you're going to have to need built-in sunglasses. | ||
| You've got these fucking gigantic black eyes that are going to evolve because we're going to ruin our fucking atmosphere. | ||
| I mean, they literally are what we'd expect us to look like a million years from now. | ||
| We would expect human beings to slowly but surely evolve into that. | ||
| If we used to be hairy little furry rodents, which is what we were, the idea of, you know, there was no primates 65 million years ago, okay? | ||
| When the great extinction event happened that killed off the dinosaurs, the giant piece of rock from the sky that hit the Yucatan, there was no primates. | ||
| Primates, somehow or another, Evolved out of that, out of the shrews and the monkey and the rats and whatever the fuck survived. | ||
| Whatever mammalian life forms survived. | ||
| It's so crazy to think of. | ||
| That's only 65 million years ago, man. | ||
| That's as far back as we know. | ||
| For sure, there was no people, no way, no how. | ||
| And it's a blink of an eye. | ||
| In terms of the universe, it's a blink of an eye, 65 million years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So we're so positive that things got wiped out at 65 million years ago. | ||
| So positive. | ||
| So positive that's when the dinosaurs died off. | ||
| So from then on, somehow or another, people were created. | ||
| That's nothing! | ||
| That's a goddamn blink of the eye! | ||
| And if you look at how much different we look than the early monkeys, What's next? | ||
| Aliens is next. | ||
| That's next. | ||
| It's 100% next. | ||
| That's what you would think. | ||
| If we're going to continue this trend of no hair, hair loss on the arms and the body, people are getting less hairy, people are getting less strong, they're getting smaller, you're using your fingers and Eventually you're going to use Google Glasses so you're just going to talk to it. | ||
| Eventually it's going to be able to read your mind so you don't have to talk. | ||
| Your fucking vocal cords are going to shrink up. | ||
| We're going to all agree to genetically alter ourselves so we don't have penises anymore. | ||
| As soon as they come up with a fucking thing that you can program into that takes you in a wild sexual ride of simulation that you could never achieve with your actual real dick, you'd be like, I don't need this stupid thing anymore. | ||
| Your dick is going to be just as dumb as a horse. | ||
| Your dick is going to be like something that you're like, remember when people used to fuck with dicks? | ||
| You gotta laugh about it. | ||
| Just like when sending a fucking pigeon with a note wrapped around its leg. | ||
| Why would I do that when I can text you? | ||
| You wouldn't. | ||
| You wouldn't. | ||
| But what about the actual having the writing in your hand? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| The dude will send me a selfie with a big smile and a thumbs up and it gets to me in one second. | ||
| I have to rely on some stupid pigeon. | ||
| That's going to be what sex becomes. | ||
| Sex is going to become some silly thing that we don't need to do anymore. | ||
| Because we're going to have some integrated... | ||
| Pleasure system that's in our mind where we're going to be able to just go. | ||
| Get that release. | ||
| You're going to be able to fuck anyone you want, man. | ||
| You're going to be able to have insane sex with Christy Brinkley when she was 21. You're going to be able to fuck the hottest woman on the planet. | ||
| You're going to be able to have sex with a hundred Beyonce's. | ||
| The Wu-Tang Clan. | ||
| In a room. | ||
| The whole Wu-Tang Clan is going to suck your dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Awesome. | |
| Whoever you want. | ||
| You're going to literally be able to do whatever you want whenever you want to do it. | ||
| Once they figure out, look at this Oculus Rift thing. | ||
| What we're seeing when we see Oculus Rift is the first photograph. | ||
| Do you ever see those first photographs where they used to have a thing? | ||
| They would throw a tent over their back. | ||
| They'd be hiding in this box. | ||
| You ever see the really old cameras? | ||
| The way they used to set up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Oh, right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| They would throw a towel over the top of their head. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And they would point this thing and everybody had to stay still for a minute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't fucking move. | ||
| Don't fucking move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what we're seeing with Oculus Rift. | ||
| What do you think physically will be the evolutionary change of humans? | ||
| They'll shrink? | ||
| Do you think we're shrinking? | ||
| We're eventually going to get to the point where we don't need... | ||
| People are getting bigger now, but that's because of protein. | ||
| Protein intake, because people understand diet better. | ||
| And as far as athletes, you're dealing with hormonal manipulation, growth hormone, testosterone. | ||
| You're also dealing with massive scientific advances in strength and conditioning training. | ||
| And then also... | ||
| There's some selective breeding, big people dating big people. | ||
| Is that Christy Brinkley? | ||
| Yes, this is her today. | ||
| 60. She's jamming. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| You've got to see her moving around, too. | ||
| It's not an illusion. | ||
| It's not an illusion created by the photograph. | ||
| I mean, she definitely looks like an older, mature woman, but I would send it home. | ||
| I would send it home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's 60? | |
| Yep. | ||
| Send it home. | ||
| I'd have to be real careful, because I am a fucking animal. | ||
| You know what I'm saying, buddy? | ||
| You think you'd hurt her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what I'm saying, buddy? | ||
| I've got that hip strength. | ||
| I've got lower back muscles. | ||
| They're thick. | ||
| They're cords. | ||
| Cettabell swings? | ||
| All that shit, son. | ||
| I do a lot of those. | ||
| I do a lot of those. | ||
| Do it with Christy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Well, they're going to get to a point where you're going to be able to reverse aging. | ||
| Unquestionably, they're working on that. | ||
| And they're already doing tests on that on other animals. | ||
| I feel like this path is going to lead us to just... | ||
| Be born and just lay down with a fucking monitor in front of us like and just you sip your fucking nutrients in a cup and never stand up and just plug into whatever you want to be. | ||
| We're gonna get our nutrients the same way those wireless pads are when you know you take one of those new cell phones we get sitted on something and it just charges you don't even have to plug it in. | ||
| That's how we're gonna get our nutrients. | ||
| Our nutrients are gonna be delivered through our car seats. | ||
| As we drive to work, we're going to get nutrients. | ||
| You're going to drive to work naked, and the nutrients are going to just be absorbed by your body skin. | ||
| I mean, why not your skin? | ||
| I mean, you rub testosterone cream on, testosterone cream absorbs right through your skin. | ||
| They're going to fuck it, and you're going to be able to sit in your little Honda on your way to work, and your car is going to feed you. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| No shitting, no farting. | ||
| No farting. | ||
| Yeah, and if you want to feel a Henry VIII orgy of food and big fucking turkey legs, you just program that. | ||
| Punch in that program and take you on a journey to Henry VIII land. | ||
| You'll dine at a gigantic oak table with enemy heads hanging from the fucking ceiling. | ||
| It's pretty awesome to think of all the worlds you could create and just jump into it in a second. | ||
| It's coming, dude. | ||
| We are just so... | ||
| I'm comfortable with the world that we live in now. | ||
| It seems so normal to us. | ||
| But you have a lamp on your table over there. | ||
| You got a goddamn lava lamp sitting next to you. | ||
| This weird gooey shit is bouncing up and down. | ||
| Someone figured out a way to have electricity The shit that creates lightning come through the walls in these weird pipes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got the wrong one there, silly face. | ||
| You can't see it. | ||
| Push that in front of the assault lamp. | ||
| Pull that thing over so people can see what we're talking about. | ||
| Grab the bottom of it. | ||
| Grab the bottom of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Watch out. | ||
| It's going to fall. | ||
| It's not going to fall. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| If you brought that thing back in time, if you brought that thing, just a simple-ass stupid lava lamp, if you brought that back in time and showed someone from King Arthur's time, they'd kill you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Definitely. | |
| You use sorcery! | ||
| My lord! | ||
| There's electricity in the walls. | ||
| There's lightning in the walls! | ||
| We're going to die! | ||
| You're going to die. | ||
| Stick a fork in that hole in the wall and you're dead. | ||
| Every person has a hole in their house where you stick a fork in and you're dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy, isn't it? | ||
| It's ridiculous! | ||
| You might not die. | ||
| You might just get really fucked up. | ||
| I got lucky as a kid. | ||
| I stuck a key into an outlet. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And I don't know how the... | ||
| I guess it had maybe the shutoff, you know... | ||
| Yeah, circuit breakers. | ||
| Right, but I stuck it in. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Sparks flew... | ||
| I mean, flew out of it. | ||
| The key broke in half. | ||
| Like, the burnt end stayed in. | ||
| It burned, charred. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| And it broke, and I was just like, I think I fucked up in here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like... | |
| I did the same thing, but I took a wire. | ||
| My idea is it's going to transfer electricity from the top outlet to the bottom outlet. | ||
| And so I put it in there, and I remember my dad was watching Incredible Hulk at the time, because that's why I was in the kitchen hiding. | ||
| And so I put in the wire, sparks, and fire. | ||
| It felt like it was fire, but I'm sure it was just sparks. | ||
| If we had done that in the 50s, we'd just be dead, probably, right? | ||
| Well, if you had done that during the days of direct current, it would have been very different. | ||
| Very different. | ||
| Do you remember the Thomas Edison experiments they did when Thomas Edison was trying to warn people against the effects of alternating current? | ||
| They cooked an elephant. | ||
| They hook this elephant up to these wires and barbecue this elephant? | ||
| No. | ||
| You never seen that? | ||
| It's pretty crazy. | ||
| Thomas Edison, interesting cat, because obviously great genius and inventor and responsible for a lot of pretty incredible things, but also was doing battle with the concepts that were being endorsed by other scientists, like even Nikola Tesla, who was an alternating current guy. | ||
| He believed in ultimate current, and Edison, his whole thing was set up on direct current. | ||
| So if you watch it, pull that video up, because it's fucking crazy. | ||
| Like this is, again, when you think about human beings, it's not that long ago, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, this is, what was it? | ||
| 19 what? | ||
| When did this happen? | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| 1903. 1903. So this is when people were just starting to figure out what the fuck electricity could do. | ||
| And they have this elephant chained up, and Thomas Edison's like, look, I'm going to show you guys what happens if you don't fucking listen to me! | ||
| So he did this just to disprove the other guys. | ||
| Yes, but watch what he does. | ||
| They have this thing connected to this, and they just charge it up and zap this elephant. | ||
| Look, he's cooking right now. | ||
| Damn, dude. | ||
| This poor elephant is just standing there, and boom, it falls over dead. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| And that's in your house. | ||
| That's in your walls. | ||
| And Edison was trying to let you know, like, listen to me, bitch. | ||
| Like, what a crazy fuck that guy is. | ||
| He didn't just try to prove it with science. | ||
| He said, okay, I'm going to show you. | ||
| I'm going to take something bigger than you, and I'm going to cook it. | ||
| I'm going to cook it with electricity. | ||
| In, like, two seconds. | ||
| Yeah, so let's not... | ||
| So that must have been, like, a huge, like, wave of fear and paranoia after that. | ||
| Like, they cooked a fucking elephant with this new type of electricity. | ||
| Because in that case, what did he... | ||
| He hooked it up... | ||
| He cooked it! | ||
| They covered it with wires. | ||
| I mean, they connected it with wires and then fucking just electrocuted the shit out of it. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That was Thomas Edison! | ||
| Could you imagine if in 2014, okay? | ||
| If, you know... | ||
| 100 plus years later, they did that. | ||
| Do you imagine if someone tried to prove something? | ||
| If they tried to prove, you know, we are on the verge of wireless electricity, ladies and gentlemen, in order to tell you what is wrong with wireless electricity. | ||
| Here's, you know, Marty McFuckface, and Marty McFuckface, the scientist, shows us. | ||
| Here we are in Times Square, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| This is an elephant. | ||
| It is connected to this receiver, and we're going to broadcast wireless electricity to his brain. | ||
| Watch what happens. | ||
| This poor elephant. | ||
| Fucking ears stick out, strip. | ||
| Starts bleeding from his eyeballs and falls face first. | ||
| PETA would be all over it. | ||
| Everyone would freak out. | ||
| That dude would get killed immediately. | ||
| They would kill him. | ||
| If they didn't kill him, they would beat him. | ||
| They would torture him to the end of time. | ||
| He's an asshole. | ||
| You're not even eating an elephant. | ||
| It's not like a cow that you electrocute it and then you eat it. | ||
| No, you're just killing it. | ||
| You're killing it to prove a point. | ||
| That's just a hundred plus years ago, man. | ||
| It's really not long ago at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not at all! | |
| If you really stop and think about how much different people are, 2003 it was? | ||
| Or, well, 1903, really? | ||
| Yeah, 1903. Think about that. | ||
| Dude, behaviors change so much. | ||
| If you measure by decades, it's crazy how much. | ||
| How about you measure by movies? | ||
| Men used to slap women across the face all the time. | ||
| Slap women! | ||
| James Cagney. | ||
| Heroes! | ||
| Heroes. | ||
| Heroes. | ||
| Heroes used to smack women right across the face. | ||
| John Wayne style. | ||
| Get a hold of yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smack! | |
| Smack! | ||
| And the woman would just stand there and take it. | ||
| And then they'd start making out. | ||
| That's Sean Connery in that interview talking about it. | ||
| You've seen that, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If she doesn't listen, if she doesn't listen, just smack you around. | |
| He was saying that women have a way of getting you to do that. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Dude, you're dating the wrong bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Smacking them. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| You're dating the wrong women. | ||
| All women don't do that. | ||
| Hell no. | ||
| You're choosing to date that style of person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There were people 200 years ago that wouldn't cause you to hit them. | ||
| They wouldn't torment you. | ||
| Not everybody wants to be constantly in conflict. | ||
| It's such a stupid state. | ||
| He's drawn to the conflict. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| He's an actor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's an actor. | |
| As awesome as he is, he's an actor. | ||
| He's an actor. | ||
| But he also, you know, he's coming from a different era. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But he looked at, I think that was Barbara Walters, he was like, I'm going to smack you next if you keep that shit up. | ||
| Pull that up so we can watch that. | ||
| It's fucking business. | ||
| It's Sean Connery saying you should hit women. | ||
| I mean, and this happened a long time ago. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably 20 plus, maybe 25 to 30 years ago, I'm guessing. | ||
| Obviously not a long time ago in terms of what we've been saying the entire podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But he's an old school dude. | ||
| He's going to be in his late 70s or something by now, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what I'm saying is you couldn't do that today. | ||
| Hell no. | ||
| The culture has evolved quite a bit. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| We couldn't do that today. | ||
| A few years go by. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not the worst thing to slap a woman now and then. | |
| As I remember, you said you don't do it with a clenched fist. | ||
| It's better to do it with an open hand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't love that. | ||
| I haven't changed my opinion. | ||
| What did she say? | ||
| I would love that? | ||
| Is that what she said? | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| What did she say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
First, it's better to do it with an open hand. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't love that. | ||
| I haven't changed my opinion. | ||
| You haven't? | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think it's good to slap a woman? | |
| No, I don't think it's good. | ||
| You don't think it's bad? | ||
| I don't think it's that bad. | ||
| I think that it depends entirely on the circumstances and if it merits it. | ||
| What would merit it? | ||
| If it merits it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, if you have tried everything else, and women are pretty good at this, they can't leave it alone. | |
| They don't want to have the last word, and you give them the last word, but they're not happy with the last word. | ||
| They want to say it again and get into a really provocative situation. | ||
| Then, I think it's absolutely right. | ||
| Somebody added that in the video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That scared me. | |
| That's stupid. | ||
| Someone ruined a good interview. | ||
| But the idea behind that is fascinating. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, all he's really saying is, I don't like a yappy broad. | ||
| That's really what he's trying to say. | ||
| Well, you need to break up with him, dude. | ||
| He's fucking out of his mind. | ||
| They're not all like that. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| Not all men are like that, and not all women are like that. | ||
| You know what's so great about that? | ||
| The only great thing about that is, you know when you call somebody out, She was calling him out on national television, and his defense instincts kicked in. | ||
| Or when she said, she was like, he realized they're probably just having a nice chat. | ||
| She brings that up, and he was like, immediately, his face changed. | ||
| Then he goes, yeah, I haven't changed my position on that. | ||
| He was really like, I'm going to do battle with you now. | ||
| He likes conflict. | ||
| That's a guy who wants to have conflict. | ||
| Well, I think... | ||
| I think he's just really confident, and I think he believes in what he's saying, and he thinks that Barbara Walters is trying to catch him and expose that and have him back down. | ||
| I'm just like, I'm not gonna back down. | ||
| I'm not gonna back down. | ||
| I date crazy bitches, and sometimes I have to smack them. | ||
| Smack them around. | ||
| But those are the ones that like to fuck, because they fuck like wild animals, and that's what I need in my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so hungry. | |
| At 60 years old, I already get my dick hard. | ||
| Yeah, he's not very young, exactly. | ||
| A screaming bitch that, you know, lets me send it in. | ||
| Yeah, no, he's not young at all. | ||
| Not young, man. | ||
| No. | ||
| With some people, the aphrodisiac, the stimulant, is not just sexual. | ||
| It's not just how the person looks. | ||
| It's not just being attracted to them. | ||
| Sometimes it's drama. | ||
| There's a lot of people that get sucked up into this idea of fighting and then making up and then to make up sex. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Super common. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because we all have been there before where you break up with someone and you're like, it's over and it's like fucking devastating and it's heartbreaking. | ||
| And then one day you run into them and it might be just a month later or two months later or whatever. | ||
| Maybe you both have dated other people, whatever. | ||
| And then you hook up. | ||
| And it's incredible. | ||
| The sex is incredible. | ||
| And you're nice to each other, and you're like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry too. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| And it's incredible. | ||
| It's such a heightened type of sex, makeup sex. | ||
| Because sometimes people need to put things into perspective. | ||
| They need the benefit of time. | ||
| They need the benefit of... | ||
| Having all these emotions run through your head, having all these bad feelings, but then having them all slow down and relax, and time puts things into perspective. | ||
| And then you see each other then, and you're like, ugh, what the fuck? | ||
| And all you can think of then is the good times. | ||
| It's real hard to think about these really stupid, petty, bad times in relationships once the relationship is over. | ||
| You really mostly just think about the good stuff about that person. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so then you start fucking again. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I bet Sean Connery threw his dick around a lot back over time. | ||
| But then again, what happens after that? | ||
| You get fucking tired of each other again. | ||
| You fall back in your same old ways and you get tired with each other. | ||
| And how do you fix that, ladies and gentlemen? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Smoke some weed and fuck, and you will appreciate each other like you just met. | ||
| That's good advice. | ||
| That's fucking great advice. | ||
| There's no better enhancement to sex than marijuana. | ||
| The people who fuck and don't smoke pot, you are missing out on 50% of your sex. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You really are. | ||
| You don't know what you're missing. | ||
| If I could give you something that's not dangerous And that will make sex 50% better. | ||
| Do you know what that would be worth on the open market? | ||
| I mean, there's stupid pills that you take that are supposed to make your dick grow that don't do a goddamn thing. | ||
| There's stupid people out there that are cutting rhino horns off to make their cocks hard. | ||
| That doesn't work. | ||
| There's so much money in, like, enhancing sex. | ||
| And the number one thing to enhance sex, it just flies under the radar. | ||
| The one thing that works like a charm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| If you are in love or you are in lust or you have someone that you like to fuck, how about that? | ||
| And that person likes you to fuck them? | ||
| Get together and smoke some pot before you do it. | ||
| Don't get crazy. | ||
| Don't smoke so much. | ||
| You're paranoid and you freak out and you can't get it up. | ||
| Just a little bit. | ||
| Just a little bit. | ||
| Every touch will feel more... | ||
| Spectacular. | ||
| You'll feel like electricity through fingers, the warmth of your bodies, the sensation will be so pleasurable. | ||
| People that don't smoke pot and fuck, you're missing out on a giant chunk of what sex is. | ||
| Yeah, or do it, you know, smoke and go touch a stranger. | ||
| Or do mushrooms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to go deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep. | |
| Have sex on mushrooms. | ||
| Never done that. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's like two kaleidoscopes. | ||
| It's hard to do. | ||
| Colliding. | ||
| It's hard to do? | ||
| It's really hard to do. | ||
| I thought, like, I was fucking this really tall girl once, and I was on mushrooms, and I thought she was an alien. | ||
| I was like, it just might, it just, because you start playing tricks on yourself. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to do that. | ||
| You always play tricks on you and stuff. | ||
| I don't want to do that. | ||
| Don't. | ||
| Don't listen. | ||
| You won't think you're an alien. | ||
| Have you done it with my show? | ||
| You know your wife's not an alien. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| Yeah, look, obviously the way you get affected by mushrooms is different than the way I do. | ||
| I think everybody's different. | ||
| That's one of the weird things about psychedelics or pot or anything. | ||
| Yeah, it affects everybody. | ||
| Yeah, I've heard people talk about what pot does to them, and I'm like, okay, I don't know what's going on in your head, but that's not me. | ||
| It shuts me down. | ||
| I just don't want to talk to anybody or sit down. | ||
| It shuts me down. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I don't get it, but everybody's got their own weird personality traits. | ||
| One strand that you, you know... | ||
| Well, I just think there's a lot of weird personality traits. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of weird biological traits. | ||
| People have a lot of different things going on. | ||
| It's like people with alcohol. | ||
| I mean, there's people that are the worst drunks ever, that are super nice people, and there's also people that they have a couple of drinks and they just become friendlier. | ||
| Nothing goes wrong at all. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's really fascinating because I look back, there's friends that would want to punch me. | ||
| Not because I did something. | ||
| Every time they drank, they were physically violent people. | ||
| I'm like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And then there's the person who's just hugging you, like, I love you, man. | ||
| You're like, They had the same amount of drinks, and this is the behavior that comes out. | ||
| It's too bad, almost. | ||
| It bums you out. | ||
| Like, oh man, you can't drink. | ||
| Really, we can't have you drinking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's not... | ||
| Uncommon. | ||
| At all? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| It's probably like one out of a hundred people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Less than that, I think. | ||
| I think less, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's like a food allergy almost. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Well, that was something that they, another thing that I had up on Twitter today that's pretty fascinating about food allergies. | ||
| They figured out a way to fix kids' allergies to peanuts. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The DNA of peanut-allergic kids changes with immune therapy, study finds. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| And this is on Science Daily. | ||
| So this is, again, not like a goofy website. | ||
| It's from Stanford. | ||
| And the idea is that treating a peanut allergy with oral immunotherapy changes the DNA of the patient's immune cells. | ||
| According to a new study, the DNA change could serve as the basis for a simple blood test to monitor long-term effectiveness of the allergy therapy. | ||
| That's pretty badass, man. | ||
| There's a lot of fucking foods that people are allergic to. | ||
| Some people are deathly allergic to shellfish. | ||
| We had that on Fear Factor. | ||
| This dude ate some roaches. | ||
| And roaches are, they have the same enzyme, apparently, as shellfish. | ||
| So if you're allergic to roaches, or you don't know, if you're allergic to shellfish, you're also allergic to roaches. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So this dude went into anaphylactic shock? | ||
| Well, his throat started closing up. | ||
| He was having a hard time breathing. | ||
| He was swelling. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| He knew he probably was a shellfish guy, but didn't think about the roach. | ||
| Well, we didn't know. | ||
| Nobody knew. | ||
| It was the early days of Fear Factor. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That show is just so lucky that no one died. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So lucky. | ||
| That dude definitely could have if he didn't have right medics around, you know? | ||
| What are you guys doing over there? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| 70 bags of heroin found in Philip Seymour Hoffman's apartment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Poor fucker. | ||
| He just got back on it, right? | ||
| Like a couple years ago? | ||
| He was like really clean for like most of his life and then he just... | ||
| He had a problem a while ago. | ||
| Then he was cleaning for a while. | ||
| And then they talked about him going... | ||
| I remember reading about him going to get help, like, I want to say within the last year to do something, you know, like some type of rehab thing in the last year. | ||
| And then, yeah, that's really a bummer, man. | ||
| Well, the thing about him, too, is he died with a needle in his arm. | ||
| In his arm, yeah. | ||
| So he really overdid it. | ||
| Well, he just did it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's not the only one, either, that's dying. | ||
| Apparently, there's quite a few people who've died in the East Coast. | ||
| From heroin? | ||
| Recently. | ||
| Yeah, they're thinking there's a bad batch of heroin or a strong batch of heroin or something. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| Holy shit, was he a talented actor, that guy. | ||
| Man, unbelievable. | ||
| Boogie Nights. | ||
| Well, I think that some of the people that are able to encapsulate those incredible characters, they're able to fit themselves into those characters... | ||
| A lot of those people are fucking crazy, like Robert Downey Jr., you know, crazy, you know, would go off on wild benders and drugs. | ||
| There's a lot of those people that are, like, really good at acting that are sort of attracted to that. | ||
| To that chaos. | ||
| Yeah, or maybe it's just... | ||
| A part of what makes them a great actor. | ||
| Yeah, I think if you're a great, great actor, you have a sensitivity that's maybe heightened. | ||
| You're sensitive emotionally all around. | ||
| Sometimes when you're that sensitive, you can be drawn in certain other directions. | ||
| But Hoffman was just a genius actor. | ||
| Yeah, he was a bad motherfucker. | ||
| It's sad when you see a guy like that just succumb to their demons. | ||
| It really is too bad. | ||
| That's a weird one, too. | ||
| That heroin one's a weird one. | ||
| Because people are talking about legalizing all drugs, that all drugs should be legal. | ||
| And in a way, I support that. | ||
| But in another way, I'm like, it would suck to see more people do heroin. | ||
| It really would. | ||
| Crystal meth. | ||
| Because what I'm seeing now with pills, I've met several people. | ||
| I know several people. | ||
| I know one guy very well that died from pills. | ||
| I know one guy very close to my family who fucked up his entire life on pills, and he's still a mess, and he used to be a great guy, and he's just a wreck. | ||
| And it's all opiates. | ||
| All opiates. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And then you see this guy, and you go, like, fuck, man. | ||
| Like, if it was legal, would it be even more prevalent? | ||
| Like, I would hope not. | ||
| But, God, it's just... | ||
| I'm just anti-heroin. | ||
| I think heroin's a terrible drug to live your life with. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It just... | |
| Yeah. | ||
| There's nobody, really, who's, like, doing well, thriving with heroin, you know? | ||
| The crazy thing is how long some people can function. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and there's people that can function, and there's people that actually probably never get to the point where they're not able to function. | ||
| You know, there's people that can keep it in check, but I think for the most part, it just goes downhill for you. | ||
| Well, one of the problems with these pill people is that they're not even trying to get high. | ||
| They're trying to not be sick. | ||
| Right, because your body's craving it. | ||
| Yeah, you get so addicted to these opiate pills that your body is just trying to get to a base level. | ||
| It's not trying to get high as much as it's trying to get out of a deficit. | ||
| So you give it these pills and then you sort of feel normal for a while. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just so scary. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| I mean, I know somebody who had a bad drinking problem and would like, when it went into, you know, withdrawal, would drink never really to get drunk. | ||
| It was because he was such an alcoholic that, you know, he would drink just to not be shaking and sweating. | ||
| Yeah, that's one I don't understand because I've had many drinks. | ||
| I don't get the alcohol one. | ||
| I don't understand how that could be addictive to somebody. | ||
| But I do understand, obviously, because I've met many people who are addicted to it. | ||
| But just for me, it's just... | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| It just seems... | ||
| It's just so strange that their body is craving alcohol. | ||
| Like, it's not just an emotional thing. | ||
| I mean, they say that that's what happened with Amy Winehouse. | ||
| That she died from going cold turkey. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She only had alcohol in her system when she died. | ||
| She didn't have any drugs. | ||
| And her body just went into... | ||
| Yeah, they suspected she tried to quit drinking and it just sent her over the edge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| I believe it, man. | ||
| I'm just glad I don't have that fucking... | ||
| That gene. | ||
| Yeah, or, you know, I mean, I've never... | ||
| I drink once. | ||
| If I drink once in a week and I have too many drinks, I'm like, man, I'm not drinking. | ||
| I don't drink again for weeks, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's just my own makeup. | ||
| When you used to hang out more locally at comedy clubs every night, you used to probably go through that where you're at a club every single night. | ||
| Did you drink more back then? | ||
| Not really, because I never, I never, ever drink before sets. | ||
| So the most I ever did was drink after sets. | ||
| But if I was just doing spots and hanging out a little bit, I'd be more worried about, like, you know, I'd be worried about driving home. | ||
| So it wasn't a regular practice for me. | ||
| Like, I've just never been that big of a drinker, you know? | ||
| I mean, I'll have more drinks on the road. | ||
| But sometimes, a lot of times, I go to clubs. | ||
| And Saturday will be the first time I ask for a drink, and they'll all say, like, oh, we didn't know you drank. | ||
| And I'm like, what, were you talking about it? | ||
| And they're like, yeah, we thought it was so weird that you don't drink. | ||
| And I was like, no, I'm just done now, you know, so. | ||
| Yeah, alcohol is fun. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's fun to drink. | ||
| It's fun to get drunk. | ||
| But the problem is the effect on your body is just so bad. | ||
| And Tommy and I have been talking about this because for the last two weeks I haven't drank. | ||
| I tried to see what it's like to have nothing. | ||
| I'd like a glass of wine with dinner on Friday night. | ||
| But one glass of wine, that's it. | ||
| No getting hammered. | ||
| No getting drunk. | ||
| No getting buzzed. | ||
| No nothing. | ||
| You feel remarkably better when Monday rolls around. | ||
| Remarkably. | ||
| So it's been two weeks in a row that I did this. | ||
| Like, my endurance is up. | ||
| I mean, it sounds so, duh. | ||
| You know, it sounds so obvious. | ||
| But you just think, if you're out at a comedy club, you're hanging out with your buddies, you want to do a shot? | ||
| Yeah, fuck it, let's do a shot. | ||
| Let's do another one. | ||
| Okay, let's have a beer. | ||
| Three or four drinks, you feel like it's nothing. | ||
| And it really is nothing. | ||
| But the difference between three or four drinks and no drinks is pretty significant in how much better you feel. | ||
| It's tremendously different. | ||
| I mean, a few weeks ago, I had a few drinks, and I really feel like it took me totally to recover, was like 48, 72 hours, to feel 100% better. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| It took like three days to feel that much better. | ||
| I never drink at home. | ||
| I only drink if I go out. | ||
| I never sit at home and open up a beer or anything. | ||
| Unless it's at night, and then the girls are about to go to bed, I need to have one more drink in her. | ||
| Oh, how dare you? | ||
| You know that's rape to a lot of feminists? | ||
| By the way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| You're aware of that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going to push that. | ||
| Mr. Connery. | ||
| You're going to shove that down your throat. | ||
| You're going to be a rapist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nightcoat. | |
| But you know what's funny about that whole feminist thing is that they're saying that that works the other way around, too, with women and men. | ||
| That if the man is drunk and the woman is sober, the woman is raping the man. | ||
| I feel that way. | ||
| I 100% support that. | ||
| I've been raped. | ||
| They have to say that. | ||
| What's ridiculous is that they have to say that. | ||
| They can't say there's a double standard. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Nobody wants to admit there's double standards. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Double standards don't exist. | ||
| Especially in the super liberal, left-wing, progressive world. | ||
| It's the same on both sides. | ||
| So I was reading this person's blog where they were talking about everyone who has sex with someone who's drinking as being a rapist. | ||
| And she was talking about men as well, men being drunk, that a woman taking advantage, yes, ladies, that is rape. | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| The guy has a few drinks, he's buzzed, and he comes over and he wants to fuck, and you have sex with them, you're a rapist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is so fucking dumb, and so symptomatic, so, like, symbolic of, like, what's wrong with that sort of rigid, like, liberal thinking. | ||
| There are no double standard thinking. | ||
| I mean, one of the major differences is that in that situation, we are thrilled to be raped. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's not rape! | ||
| It's not rape. | ||
| Whether the man has limited inhibitions or not, that man wants to have sex. | ||
| If a guy comes to your house, it's like if a guy goes to a bar, gets drunk, take a cab to your house, let's make it a responsible story, the guy takes a cab to your house and you throw him on the bed and fuck him. | ||
| That's not rape. | ||
| It's just not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's just not. | ||
| It's just not. | ||
| And pretending that it is, because you don't want women to be taken advantage of, and they'll compare it to like Steubenville, like the girl who was, she was so drunk that she was unconscious and these guys raped her. | ||
| Oh yeah, it was horrible. | ||
| That's unbelievably horrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unbelievably horrible and disgusting and it's a crime and it's evil. | ||
| Because saying that a man being drunk, having sex with a woman is that man being raped, diminishes the impact of what's horrible about something like Steubenville. | ||
| Right, a real rape. | ||
| Yeah, because you're being silly now. | ||
| You're saying something that is so preposterous that anyone with any logic... | ||
| Could immediately pick apart. | ||
| Anyone who's had any experience, anyone who's a man, by the way, who's a heterosexual man, who knows what it's like to have a couple of drinks and want to go have sex. | ||
| Like, the idea that that is somehow or another rape, because you went over someone who obviously you like, you obviously like this person, you most likely have had sex with them before, you go over to their house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I would even argue that if you're a man and you took a cab to that woman's house and she handcuffed you to a bed and blindfolded you and put a ball gag in your mouth and fucked you, that you also had a good time. | ||
| Like, it wasn't something that you were fighting, you know? | ||
| Or even if you wanted to. | ||
| Well, I'm not into getting tied up, so it's on you, fucker. | ||
| Tie me up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you ever been in a situation where you felt rape, like you had a girl in your bed and you didn't want to have sex with her? | ||
| You have a girl in your bed. | ||
| You're a man, you have a girl in your bed. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Like, if you're a man, you have a girl in your bed. | ||
| What kind of stupid game are you playing? | ||
| Cannot right now. | ||
| Don't rape me. | ||
| I just don't feel good about our relationship yet. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| If you're a grown adult, you're not a ten-year-old. | ||
| You're not someone who's confused about biology and about sexuality and about, you know, stimulation and attractedness. | ||
| No, you're a fucking adult. | ||
| You can't get raped. | ||
| Can't get raped by a girl. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Brian could. | ||
| It's one thing if you like... | ||
| Brian could. | ||
| The only thing that can be really crazy is if, okay, here's a scenario. | ||
| Some sort of a survival situation where you're fleeing the country and you have your friend's wife with you and you have to stay in a hotel together because there's only enough money for one hotel room and just going to get some sleep and then get on the road. | ||
| You're like, I'll sleep on the floor, you take the bed, and then while you're sleeping, you wake up and she's sucking your dick. | ||
| You're like, okay, you just fucking ruined my life. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You ruined my life by being crazy and sucking my dick while I'm sleeping. | ||
| Hey, you know, you're kind of raping me. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| I wouldn't have said yes for you sucking my dick if I was awake. | ||
| Wait, wait a couple minutes, now stop it. | ||
| That is probably one of the very few scenarios that I could see where there could be argued that a woman rapes a guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the one? | ||
| It's a single white female. | ||
| They kind of have that scenario. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Where a girl pretends to be someone else. | ||
| And she tries to pretend, and he's like, what's going on? | ||
| She's like, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| She's just choking on his cock. | ||
| And then he's like, it's not even you. | ||
| So he got duped, right? | ||
| That's another one that's kind of rapey. | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of rapey. | ||
| But still finished, and we'll talk about it. | ||
| But a woman being drunk... | ||
| Is always rape. | ||
| If the woman's drunk, they want that to be rape. | ||
| They want it... | ||
| I mean, obviously, there's a broad spectrum of intoxication. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, one drink? | ||
| Two drinks? | ||
| Three drinks? | ||
| Four drinks? | ||
| Like, one drink is... | ||
| You can make good decisions on one drink. | ||
| You can. | ||
| But you're drinking. | ||
| Two drinks, you can still make really good decisions on drinks. | ||
| But you're drinking. | ||
| So, like, if you have sex with someone who can make good decisions and it's two drinks in, the idea that you say that's rape, you're a crazy person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're a crazy person. | ||
| You're a person who's dangerous because you're fucking up the whole idea and argument, the whole conversation about alcohol intoxication. | ||
| You're ruining it by being unreasonable. | ||
| By taking this hard, rigid stance, you diminish the effect of something like Steubenville, where they are getting someone so fucked up and taking advantage of someone who's so fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, and the way to kind of state your position is, are you going to look at those two and say they're equivalent? | ||
| If you say they're equivalent, then okay, I guess we have your point of view on the severity of each of them. | ||
| But I think a reasonable person looks at those and you realize that they're not, so it's kind of ridiculous. | ||
| Well, it's a completely illogical stance to take. | ||
| That it's an on and off switch. | ||
| It's either on, there's an alcohol drink in the system, it's that way, it's rape. | ||
| There's no alcohol, it's not rape. | ||
| Same act. | ||
| Same act, yeah. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It's clear that there's a certain point where someone is unable to make clear decisions. | ||
| They're fucked up. | ||
| They're intoxicated. | ||
| But where that lies is very blurry. | ||
| And it's different for every person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And some, not some girls, goddammit, a lot of girls like to get drunk and get fucked. | ||
| They like to have sex with people they want to have sex with when they have a few drinks. | ||
| They like it a lot. | ||
| So the idea that people say that that's rape because of whatever, because you want to push this ridiculous progressive agenda and this idea that anyone having a couple of drinks is somehow or another so incapacitated that they're like a child, like we have to protect them. | ||
| Yeah, I guess they're not making the distinction that there's a difference between a woman choosing to have drinks and go have sex and a woman who has had too many drinks and someone is taking advantage of her. | ||
| I mean, they're two totally different things. | ||
| Well, not only that, there's also the woman and the man. | ||
| If they're both drinking, then what happens? | ||
| The woman is almost always in the clear. | ||
| No one is accusing her. | ||
| No one's saying, you know, this woman raped me. | ||
| We had drinks together and she raped me. | ||
| How many drinks did you have, too? | ||
| How many drinks did she have, too? | ||
| Yeah, man, she raped you. | ||
| No one says that! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But they do say it to the guy. | ||
| They would say it to the guy. | ||
| And the girl could say, oh, I got too drunk to consent, and then, you know, Tumblr talk, progressive think, everybody's like, oh, it is rape to have sex with someone who's drinking. | ||
| No, no, it's rape sometimes to have sex with someone who's drinking. | ||
| To say that you're not responsible for your own actions sexually, but you are when you're driving a car, you are when, you know, you assault someone, you know, you're responsible. | ||
| If you kick someone's ass and hurt them, and you're like, I'm so sorry, I was drunk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're responsible for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You are fucking responsible for your actions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you're not sexually. | ||
| You know, if your girlfriend comes home and she's hammered and she beats the fuck out of you and hits you over the head with a hammer and you go to the hospital, your fucking head's gashed open. | ||
| She can't say, I was drinking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I'm not responsible for that violence. | ||
| But if she comes over your house and she's drunk and she fucks you, Then you're a rapist, because you didn't take into account the fact that she's not responsible for our actions, because she's had a couple of drinks. | ||
| It's madness! | ||
| That's total madness. | ||
| It's so illogical, and they're so rigid on this because they want to support 100% women and women's rights and the idea of not supporting rape culture, the idea of diminishing rape in society. | ||
| But by being so rigid and by being preposterous and illogical, you ruin the whole discussion because we're on your side. | ||
| You and I are 100% on their side as far as someone being drunk and you take advantage of that person. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's disgusting. | ||
| What they're trying to say is that there is no scale. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's just, it's black and white. | ||
| It's black and white. | ||
| And you can't say that because you ruin the whole discussion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You ruin it because we all know, most of us know, people who like to drink and fuck. | ||
| It's so common. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's so normal. | ||
| They drink to get frisky. | ||
| People are married! | ||
| They drink and they start making out, and it's great. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| They loosen the inhibitions. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| The idea that alcohol is bad across the board for everybody is fucking stupid. | ||
| It's stupid, yeah. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| It's just bad for your body. | ||
| That's the only thing you can prove, for sure, that's bad for your body. | ||
| It's just one of those weird things, man. | ||
| Where people who are intelligent, who have good intentions, and there's good meaning behind what they're trying to do, they fuck it all up with their ego, and they fuck it all up with their rigid thinking, and they fuck it all up because they're not being open and objective about the entire discussion of the situation. | ||
| Yeah, it's the same thing, I feel like, with judging people as black and white. | ||
| I feel like most people are more complicated and have varying degrees of good and bad. | ||
| They're a complicated species. | ||
| You could easily put generalizations. | ||
| There was a generalization... | ||
| Someone was talking about stand-up comics, and they were saying that comedy clubs are filled with angry men, and that's what comedy clubs are. | ||
| That's a giant generalization. | ||
| What if Sarah Silverman and Eliza Schlesinger are on stage? | ||
| There's still angry men that are... | ||
| No, it's silly. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
| Some comedians are angry men. | ||
| So are some mechanics. | ||
| So are some fucking bouncers. | ||
| Some people that work in finance, they're angry men. | ||
| Some of them aren't. | ||
| Generalizations are fucking stupid. | ||
| They're gross. | ||
| It's so funny because when I hear those things, I always think of comics that I know... | ||
| What always pops in my mind is just silliness. | ||
| I think of all the goofy, silly kind of... | ||
| Well, us, hanging out on the weekend. | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| We're laughing all the time. | ||
| We're laughing 90% of the time. | ||
| We're not angry at shit. | ||
| Look, we all know dudes who are, but we all know an equal or greater amount of dudes who aren't. | ||
| Like Norton, we're hanging out with Norton all weekend. | ||
| Norton's fucking great. | ||
| He's not angry. | ||
| He comes off fake angry for jokes, for funny. | ||
| But he's filled with humility. | ||
| He's a very self-objective guy. | ||
| He's always being introspective and talking about the way he behaves, the way he thinks. | ||
| He's always criticizing himself. | ||
| The idea that he's this angry guy. | ||
| I was going to say that is that people also assume that... | ||
| They'll say the anger with respect to, like, somebody doing something on stage, and they'll have no idea that that person's not like that offstage, that that's a heightened, you know, version of themselves for their act. | ||
| For humor. | ||
| Yeah, it's for humor, of course. | ||
| It's like, you know, like, Brian Holtzman, who's one of my favorite comedians, and for some, whatever reason, just never really caught on with people. | ||
| He used to, his whole act was this angry man... | ||
| Who would say cruel, evil shit, and we would be dying laughing. | ||
| Because he's not like that at all. | ||
| If you talk to Holtzman offstage, he's laughing, he's shaking people's hands. | ||
| Hey, how are you? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| Hey, good time up there. | ||
| You were really funny. | ||
| He's a funny guy. | ||
| But then he would do this character onstage where it was just like... | ||
| Like, Susan Smith, when she drowned her kids, he was like, I heard those were bad kids. | ||
| I heard those kids sat that close to the TV. They didn't pull away their blocks. | ||
| They were always spilling their milk. | ||
| Those fucking kids would not be missed. | ||
| And it was so horrible, but so funny. | ||
| You had to be there to see it happen when the tension was in the room, because it was like two weeks after that woman drowned her kids, you know? | ||
| That's a hilarious position to take. | ||
| I heard those kids were bad. | ||
| That's how he says it. | ||
| They always fucking spilt their milk. | ||
| They didn't put away their blocks. | ||
| They sat that close to the TV. Those kids would not be missed. | ||
| And the way he would say it was just so fucking... | ||
| The key, too, in those types of jokes is that you can never pull back on it. | ||
| Once you say it, you gotta go all in. | ||
| Like, no, they were really bad kids. | ||
| I'm telling you, I know. | ||
| You have to believe what you're saying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's not real. | ||
| No, of course not. | ||
| That's the whole fucking... | ||
| That's why we know we can laugh at it. | ||
| It's a real issue with progressives, this idea that you're going to silence that kind of thinking and talking. | ||
| You know, silence those kind of jokes. | ||
| And I see the point. | ||
| I see that you're trying to make a kinder, gentler world for people to live in, but... | ||
| I really feel like concentrating on jokes is a bad idea. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It ruins the whole idea of trying to make people, or at least diminishes the whole idea, of trying to make people nice in real life when they really mean it and really care. | ||
| Because you're not focusing on that. | ||
| Instead, you're focusing on when they don't mean it and they're joking around. | ||
| And the idea that somehow or another that joking around fuels the actual act... | ||
| The actual act of violence or the actual act of rape or the actual act of anything evil or mean because joking around about it somehow or another gives a green light? | ||
| That's such a silly idea. | ||
| That's so silly. | ||
| If you have a problem with rape or if you have a problem with violence, if you have a problem with assaults, do something that remedies the root cause of that, and you'll find that it's not jokes. | ||
| It's not stand-up. | ||
| Nobody who watched a comedy show was inspired to go rape somebody. | ||
| The idea behind that is fucking ridiculous. | ||
| The idea that it gives a green light. | ||
| You watch a comedy show, and someone talks about beating the shit out of people. | ||
| It gives a green light to go out and beat the shit out of people. | ||
| That's... | ||
| No, that's a defective person if that's the case. | ||
| Yeah, a person's out of their fucking mind. | ||
| You can't make your art only for defective people. | ||
| It's fucking stupid. | ||
| It is. | ||
| But it's a lot of that progressive mindset, this progressive black and white mindset, this left-wing liberal mindset that it ruins those discussions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because, yeah, we do need to be nicer to each other. | ||
| Fucking yeah, for sure, we need less racism. | ||
| Absolutely, we need less sexism. | ||
| Absolutely, we need less assault. | ||
| We need less rape. | ||
| We need less violence. | ||
| We need less road rage. | ||
| We need less everything all across the board. | ||
| We need less of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we're on your side and you're making us look like there's something wrong with us because we want to drink and fuck. | ||
| You're making us look like there's something wrong with us because we enjoy a ridiculous joke that someone doesn't really mean, that's really cruel and nasty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, if you really think that comedy is the problem, you're just going to make yourself look ridiculous. | ||
| You're going to get very few people that agree with your point of view. | ||
| Just get people to stop talking about anything that could be offensive. | ||
| And you're just going to end up not making the progress you were wishing for. | ||
| Yeah, and the idea of trigger warnings. | ||
| What's trigger warnings? | ||
| When people write blogs, like super progressive people, when they write blogs, if they talk about rape or anything, violence or crime, they will put trigger warning in there. | ||
| A trigger warning to let you know that something horrible is coming up. | ||
| And it might trigger post-traumatic stress. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Say if you got beat up and robbed and someone's writing about a robbery, they'll put trigger warning in the title or trigger warning in the thing and then explain what they're talking about so that you get warned that they're going to talk about assault or you get warned that they're going to talk about rape or sexual aggression or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Trigger warning. | ||
| Trigger warning. | ||
| It's a fascinating aspect of our society that you want to protect people From just even thinking about something that might have happened to them that's bad. | ||
| It might upset you. | ||
| Yeah, so that subject, whatever that subject is, is either off limits or severely limited because of the fact that someone actually has been victimized in real life. | ||
| That's kind of really ridiculous to me. | ||
| Yeah, it's ridiculous. | ||
| Well, I mean, because you don't get trigger warnings when you're not doing it. | ||
| Aside from reading that fucking blog... | ||
| There's no trigger warnings on signs when you walk down the street. | ||
| There's no trigger warnings that when you have a conversation with somebody who you might not know well, they're not going to be like, real quick, in a moment, I'm going to bring up fighting. | ||
| Just giving you a heads up. | ||
| Wouldn't trigger warnings be a trigger warning? | ||
| Like, wouldn't you think about rape if you give a trigger warning? | ||
| Well, no, it wouldn't be a trigger warning, but it would certainly be a trigger. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, you know, every movie, essentially, every violent movie is a trigger to people who have experienced violence. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Every fucking television show on crime, which almost all of them are. | ||
| I mean, what percentage of television shows, dramas are on crime? | ||
| What percentage was Chicago Police or CSI or this or CSI Miami, New York, CSI The Moon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's... | |
| Fucking 100 Law and Orders. | ||
| They're all on crime. | ||
| If you've experienced any violent crime in your life, you know it's a horrible, horrific, traumatic event. | ||
| Post-traumatic stress from crime victims is huge. | ||
| Yet every show on television that's a drama, like a huge percentage of them, it's probably like 30% of all nighttime dramas are based on crime. | ||
| Violent crime. | ||
| Murders. | ||
| Dude, violence is so, it's so crazy when you watch shows and they have violent scenes, you know? | ||
| The edited version has the violent fucking, like, a guy's getting his head fucking blown off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they'll be like, that's right, fudge you. | ||
| And you're like, they just bleeped, fuck. | ||
| Ooh! | ||
| You know, because we can't handle hearing that. | ||
| I'm tired of this hogwash. | ||
| And you're like, what? | ||
| That's what he said? | ||
| No, he said something else. | ||
| But we can't handle that. | ||
| But we did see him pull out a 12-gauge and blow the guy's fucking guts all over the place. | ||
| Well, how about The Walking Dead? | ||
| Watch The Walking Dead. | ||
| The Walking Dead, they're cutting people's heads off. | ||
| They're blowing people's heads up with guns. | ||
| But they never say fuck. | ||
| Never say fuck. | ||
| It's so ridiculous. | ||
| And I bet you, you know, you can't also... | ||
| God forbid they show a woman's breast. | ||
| That would make your head. | ||
| No, you can't do that. | ||
| No pussies at all. | ||
| Don't show me where the babies come from or where the babies are made. | ||
| Can't handle it. | ||
| But you can show me a lady with a samurai sword who cuts people in half. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She kills regular people, too. | ||
| She doesn't just kill zombies. | ||
| She kills regular people. | ||
| A bunch of the people kill regular people. | ||
| They've killed a bunch of regular people on that show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fine. | |
| It's fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can't handle hearing shit. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| We're weird. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| What a stupid culture. | ||
| You know what I can't stop thinking about? | ||
| The guy that farted at the sink. | ||
| The airport. | ||
| We talked about it for 10 minutes afterwards. | ||
| Well, dudes fart when they pee. | ||
| When you go to the bathroom, dudes are constantly farting. | ||
| In public restrooms. | ||
| Yeah, but we were at the sink, and the dude was washing his hands, and he caught a monster fart. | ||
| And I told Tommy about it, and I was like, dude, this guy, he broke the rules. | ||
| Yeah, I walked out just before this happened. | ||
| I unfortunately missed the incident, but you said it immediately. | ||
| And I kept wrapping my head around it, and I think what I've come to the conclusion is Is that if you do that, all I'm looking for is for you to acknowledge it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oops. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You need to say something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I want you to say something about that. | ||
| Because I was thinking about how an old guy one time farted next to me on a tram in the airport. | ||
| And I was like, geez, he let a fucking pretty big fart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I looked at him and he goes, snuck out of me. | ||
| And I was like, alright. | ||
| And it kind of took away what was upsetting him. | ||
| I was like, well thank you for acknowledging your fart right now. | ||
| Yeah, this guy was just washing his hands and he just... | ||
| The sink is not the urine. | ||
| I don't think he'd get a pass there. | ||
| Yeah, it was... | ||
| I don't even do the urinal. | ||
| Who does that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| It was definitely a gray area. | ||
| It was definitely a gray area. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People fart all the time at the urinals. | ||
| That's so common. | ||
| Yeah, I heard a lot of farts at urinals. | ||
| But if you get done, zip up, walk all the way around, you wash your hands, in the middle of washing hands, you just unload. | ||
| And no one said a word. | ||
| Everyone just let it go. | ||
| And then we got outside, and I was like, yo, dude, how do you feel about this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I can't stop thinking about it. | ||
| And then we're trying to figure out what kind of farts girls cut when they're in the bathroom and whether or not they wash their hands and fart on each other. | ||
| Probably not as much. | ||
| Not as much, but they definitely drop heat in there. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Well, once they close that door, I think they allow themselves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They allow themselves to fucking fart it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They let them rip. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Once they get in that door, they close that door, they just... | ||
| You have to. | ||
| If you're taking a shit, you're going to fart. | ||
| But I wonder if they fart while they're washing their hands. | ||
| These are the things that I think of. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| I wonder about what we need more of this in the world. | ||
| Do you mask your farts when you shit in a public restaurant? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Let it out. | ||
| You got to do what you do. | ||
| What do you hold up to the camera? | ||
| I love girl farts. | ||
| You're an idiot. | ||
| Jesus Christ, you have that on your phone? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love girl farts? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 40 year old man, he's got that on his phone. | ||
| It's a huge fetish now. | ||
| It's actually a website. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's always been. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| There's been fart porn forever where dudes like sniff farts right out of a girl's ass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're naughty. | ||
| We played some fart clips on our show and we were talking about it and the guy wrote in and he was like, I have a big time fart fetish. | ||
| And we were like, what's the thinking about it? | ||
| And he was like, I think it's just back to the taboo of it that the pretty girl is not supposed to. | ||
| So he's... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, that she's being a dirty girl. | ||
| Yes, and that's what we love. | ||
| And he loves, you know, a pretty girl doing it is like the ultimate thing. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing about people is like they want people to be naughty. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just because we feel so, most people at least, feel so confined by the rules. | ||
| And I think women so, even more so than men. | ||
| Women even more so than men because, you know, society wants you to be a lady. | ||
| Yeah, behave a certain way, sure. | ||
| You know, and there's slut shaming. | ||
| You're not allowed to be a slut. | ||
| You're not allowed to do what you want to do. | ||
| You know, like if a woman wants to go out and fuck a bunch of different guys, like if a woman wants to fuck two guys in a night, she's a terrible person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Like, if you find out about that, oh my god, she went to this guy's house, she fucked him, then she left, then she went to this other guy's house and fucked him. | ||
| What a whore. | ||
| National champion. | ||
| Like, girls would be like, what a whore. | ||
| But if you told me, so he decides, he leaves this girl's house, and he's like, you know what, fuck, I can call somebody else. | ||
| He calls somebody else, and he goes and fucks her, and we're like, ah! | ||
| That guy's an animal. | ||
| It wasn't even done? | ||
| He wanted to fuck more? | ||
| That guy's crazy. | ||
| That is crazy, though, that we don't, you know, that we have that double standard for that. | ||
| I mean, I remember... | ||
| In college, a guy, a friend, going into a sorority house and banging girls in the same house on the same night in different rooms. | ||
| And, like, yeah, we all were like, that's fantastic! | ||
| You're such a hero. | ||
| Like, you're such a wonderful person. | ||
| And, like, we were all so happy with his story. | ||
| But if a girl went to a fraternity house, fucked one guy, said goodnight, honey, left, and then knocked on the door, hey, cracker man? | ||
| She's fucking out of her mind. | ||
| Dirty bitch, you fucking whore. | ||
| But we really should applaud her. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Well, or not. | ||
| Either way, we should let her do whatever she wants to do. | ||
| She's just fucking people. | ||
| What do you care? | ||
| Are they going to stay together forever? | ||
| They're in college. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| If you have a problem with a girl who fucks one guy and then fucks another guy that night, you're silly. | ||
| Yeah, you are. | ||
| You could be one of those guys. | ||
| All you gotta do is throw your dick in front of her. | ||
| Obviously she likes him. | ||
| So that suppression leads to a reaction. | ||
| Just holding back leads to this need to let it go. | ||
| And the girl just farts right in that dude's face. | ||
| Guy's like, I can't believe you did that, you dirty bitch. | ||
| I'm a dirty, farty bitch. | ||
| I'm a farty bitch. | ||
| Fart my mouth again. | ||
| It's so funny the people that own this I Love Girl farts are actually watching right now. | ||
| Don't promote that. | ||
| So stupid. | ||
| Oh my gosh, that snuck out of me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a bad girl. | |
| The smell and the fucking noise and the whole thing. | ||
| The naughtiness of it all. | ||
| We hold it in. | ||
| Boston girls farting? | ||
| We have a thing about people shitting, too. | ||
| No one wants to admit they just took a shit. | ||
| We want to hide it and cover it up with noise and fans. | ||
| We want to light matches. | ||
| Yeah, it is weird. | ||
| I mean, I don't like those single-stall unisex bathrooms when you've got to shit. | ||
| I've got to shit. | ||
| And then someone's like, you're going in there? | ||
| And you're like, ah, fuck, man. | ||
| Why don't you go in first? | ||
| No, you're going to shit on top of me. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| But you get that, you know, like, I feel like I can't relax. | ||
| Or you can say, can I please use the restroom? | ||
| Like, if you're at a meeting. | ||
| If you're having a meeting or something like that, you can say, I'll be right back after you use the restroom. | ||
| But you can't say, look, I gotta shit. | ||
| I gotta shit. | ||
| I can't keep talking to you guys. | ||
| I gotta take a shit. | ||
| You say, I use the restroom. | ||
| It's ambiguous. | ||
| Okay, go ahead. | ||
| And you leave. | ||
| You know, you can't say, I'm so sorry. | ||
| I was late for this meeting. | ||
| I got here on time, but I had to shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You can't say that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You gotta be upset. | ||
| You gotta go to the restroom, and then you know that the clock's running. | ||
| So, because if you come back 15 minutes later covered in sweat, they're like, wow, you took a monster shit, huh? | ||
| Like, you can't really put that out there. | ||
| You gotta go, fuck, now I gotta grind this thing out quick. | ||
| And sometimes that's what you have to do. | ||
| Sometimes you have to take a 10-minute heater. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, sometimes you just, you take a shit and it comes out clump, clump, and you're like, God, there's a lot more up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| God damn it. | ||
| Happened on the flight yesterday. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| As soon as I sat down, I wanted to go to sleep, and I was like, I gotta take a shit. | ||
| And it was during takeoff, so then you're waiting for it to hit 10,000 feet, and then you're waiting for them to turn the seatbelt sign off. | ||
| And I go in there, and I'm like, this is gonna be, this is like a fucking marathon shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| But I didn't have time for it, so I really dropped half of it off just so I could fall asleep. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Yeah, and then later on I finished. | ||
| It was pretty dramatic. | ||
| It's one of the weird things about your body is that there's like this intangible sense of how much shit is in there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like, when you're taking a shit, like, you have that feeling, that weird feeling, like, I smell a shit, or I feel a shit brewing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I feel a shit cooking in the oven. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then once you're taking that shit, you got this pressure thing. | ||
| Like, you know it's in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know it's up there, and there's a certain amount. | ||
| Like, goddammit, this isn't ready. | ||
| This isn't done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This isn't ready, yeah. | |
| All right. | ||
| I'm going to have to empty it, and then I'll have to come back later. | ||
| Yeah, and that's the worst. | ||
| You like when it's all gone. | ||
| Certain foods, too, will trigger just amazing amounts of shit that come out of you, where you're just like, is my body mostly shit? | ||
| Like, am I just a walking, talking shit machine? | ||
| Because sometimes... | ||
| The amount that will come out of me is just incredible to me. | ||
| I cannot get over what's coming out of me. | ||
| If you think about how much food you eat, though, think of your entire day. | ||
| If you shit once a day, think about breakfast in there, and then lunch in there, And then your dinner in there. | ||
| Like this giant mound of food that goes into your body. | ||
| And then snack, like you might have a protein bar along the way. | ||
| And then you have all this, you drink thing. | ||
| You might drink milk, which has got some solids in there. | ||
| And then slowly but surely compress that into just logs. | ||
| Big ropey shit logs. | ||
| It's amazing it's not really bigger. | ||
| Now picture a pretty girl squatting over your face and letting that all over you. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Well, that's under glass. | ||
| Big thing for some guys. | ||
| Some guys like women shitting on glass coffee tables. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've always heard that about Stallone. | ||
| That was like one of those rumors. | ||
| Probably made up. | ||
| It's probably like the Richard Gere gerbil thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone decided to say it, and then it sounds cool, so people repeat it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, well, Stallone likes to get on the tables, and girls take big, juicy shits on those tables. | |
| He loves it. | ||
| He doesn't even want to fuck them. | ||
| He just wants them to shit. | ||
| I'd like to watch people shit over a glass table just to see it come out. | ||
| Maybe once. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Sure. | ||
| What about a guy like Joey Diaz? | ||
| I think that's the one. | ||
| That would be at the top of my list. | ||
| What if he fell and landed on a table and the table shattered and you died? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That'd be horrible. | |
| Glass went through your neck, shit was in your eyeballs, and you died knowing that shit was all over your face and feeling the hot blood rush out of your neck. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Sorry, dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry, dog. | |
| I slipped. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoops. | |
| I had too much sodium. | ||
| I think that it would be much more interesting to watch Diaz shit than some model. | ||
| I'd like to see him have explosive diarrhea on a glass table. | ||
| Well, I would like to see a girl who's, like, addicted to stimulants, like, who's trying to be really skinny, and just how little she actually shits in a day. | ||
| Just the hair comes out. | ||
| Probably shocking to see, like, little tiny poops. | ||
| Curly, squirrely turd comes out. | ||
| Slightly bile, little yellow smell to it. | ||
| Like, what's going on? | ||
| Sorry, that's a big one. | ||
| Do you eat anything? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Half of her shit is pills. | ||
| Half broken pills come out? | ||
| Yeah, like non-dissolved pills in little clumps. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, it would be fun to watch a couple times. | ||
| Maybe watch? | ||
| I don't know about fun, but maybe fascinating. | ||
| Yeah, fascinating. | ||
| I think as an art exhibit, we were talking about art a lot this weekend, it'd be great to set up a live exhibit. | ||
| I've always thought of this, where you have like 10 people... | ||
| 50 feet up, and they're butt naked, and they have different body types, and they're sitting on glass toilets with glass tubes coming down, and then the exhibit is you walk around and they all shit at the same time. | ||
| Like, that'd be kind of a fun... | ||
| And they flush it, and you see these glass tubes fill up with shit and come tumbling down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| And then you go... | ||
| Into a septic at the bottom, a giant large tank filled with shit. | ||
| That's all glass. | ||
| And you have different colored hair, and you're like, this is my creation. | ||
| If you wanted to buy this, it's $15 million. | ||
| We were talking with this dude who explained to us this weekend about how... | ||
| We were talking about expensive photography. | ||
| Because we saw this really expensive photography piece. | ||
| And he was talking about the scam or the strategy involved in high-powered, high-priced artwork. | ||
| And that what sometimes what a dealer will do is they get a bunch of people that are really into art. | ||
| And what they'll do is they'll seed these houses with people's art. | ||
| You're breathing to the mic. | ||
| It's freaking me the fuck out. | ||
| One of you motherfuckers. | ||
| Is it you? | ||
| Might be you, buddy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I heard it several times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Over here. | |
| You're freaking me out. | ||
| Anyway, the guy said... | ||
| These things pick up a lot. | ||
| Eddie Bravo was the worst. | ||
| He was like... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I forgot about that. | |
| I'm like, Eddie, you hear that? | ||
| I didn't even hear that. | ||
| You don't hear that? | ||
| People hear it. | ||
| Fucking weirdo. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| A guy who buys a lot of art, they get these fish, and they plant these things in their house. | ||
| We'd like to gift you this gallery. | ||
| We'd like to gift you this piece. | ||
| This is a guy whose pieces go for about $50,000. | ||
| That's the price point. | ||
| And seeing as you buy a lot of work from this gallery, we think you would like it, so we'd like to gift it to you. | ||
| Oh, amazing. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| And so then this gets around to these people that are in this small community of people who buy expensive art. | ||
| Where'd you get that? | ||
| Oh, it's a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| You know, the Sebring Gallery actually gifted it to me because I buy a lot of pieces from them. | ||
| He's actually putting on an exhibit next month. | ||
| Oh, amazing. | ||
| And then so they'll seed these plugs. | ||
| They'll send like four or five pieces off. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It could be an unknown guy who doesn't have a price point really yet. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But he's talented. | ||
| And so that's how they sort of stimulate the environment. | ||
| And what he said in his words, create heat. | ||
| And so then they'll have a gallery exhibit and this guy's work will be up. | ||
| And it's really good work. | ||
| But people are already bought into it because, oh, Rothschild has a piece. | ||
| Above his bed that's worth $50,000. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Well, the best part I was fascinated with is that if they get that out there, they cede the stuff to these important people, and then they make sure that the people that were gifted show up to the gallery so that when other people with money are there, that person's like, yeah, I have one of those. | ||
| And they're like, oh shit, you have one of those? | ||
| It's weird, right? | ||
| Yeah, I want one of those too. | ||
| It's very strange, man. | ||
| Yeah, and it's kind of the fear, I think, the base of the fear. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, as we talked about this, Exit Through the Gift Shop is exactly kind of the same mentality where the guy who was documenting Banksy was like, I'll be an artist. | ||
| Now he still is. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, and he makes crazy money, and there's no history of him, there's no origin of work being built. | ||
| It was just one day, it was like, here's a bunch of work, here's an overwhelming amount of work that I kind of didn't really create, and then everybody was willing to... | ||
| Yeah, but you can do that. | ||
| They marketed it. | ||
| It's really interesting, man. | ||
| You can do that. | ||
| You can set people up. | ||
| I mean, it's the hype machine. | ||
| It's like, okay, how many times have there been a Comedy Central special, and you'll see the Comedy Central special coming up, and they'll have a bunch of people that are... | ||
| He's one of the funniest guys out there. | ||
| And boom. | ||
| Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. | ||
| And then you have, you know, someone famous will say something. | ||
| Right. | ||
| My favorite all-time comedian. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| And then you'll see this guy do this thing. | ||
| And then boom. | ||
| Coming next. | ||
| It's the new show with the new guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Already endorsed by all these other guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Essentially the same thing. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Movies are big in that. | ||
| Fuck yeah, they are. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| The whole critics thing, the whole, like, the funniest thing I've seen this year. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| New shows, five stars, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| This guy, that guy. | ||
| This critic said, I've never, ever had such a good time. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| We had a good time. | ||
| And you know there's some dudes, when it comes to movies, that you could just always count on. | ||
| There's some dudes that are just bullshitters. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's a big bullshit business. | ||
| They just love shitty movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's some other dudes, like, they'll criticize films. | ||
| Like, Roger Ebert was a famous guy. | ||
| Like, people would be, like, really upset at some of the movies that he criticized. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The way he criticized them. | ||
| Yeah, people put so much into his critiques of films. | ||
| I never was really... | ||
| I read a number of them. | ||
| I remember... | ||
| I don't remember which one, but I remember disagreeing on some stuff that he liked. | ||
| And I was like, whoa. | ||
| And I don't have a problem with that. | ||
| I just feel like... | ||
| I really feel like everybody is a critic. | ||
| We all get to say what we like and don't like. | ||
| And if you can find somebody that you line up a lot with their beliefs, that might be the person for you to trust. | ||
| But if it's not, then I don't give him really any more credibility than a lot of any other. | ||
| I know he watched a lot and he knew a lot about films. | ||
| I was more of a Cisco guy myself. | ||
| You're what? | ||
| More of a Cisco guy. | ||
| You're a Cisco guy? | ||
| He liked all those B movies and those shitty sci-fi movies, so I never trusted him. | ||
| Well, you don't need those guys anymore. | ||
| The point is that everybody can do it now. | ||
| Because of social media, because of Facebook, because of Twitter, anybody could be a critic. | ||
| And there's some pretty eloquent reviews by people who don't do it for a living. | ||
| I've read many reviews that people, like, you know, they have those Rotten Tomato reviews. | ||
| Some of those Rotten Tomato reviews are really fucking good, man. | ||
| They're really concise. | ||
| And they're just regular folks. | ||
| It's a person who enjoys the movie or didn't enjoy the movie and said, here's what I think about this. | ||
| I think that that site is a better indicator because it gathers, you know, basically averages out, you know? | ||
| So if a lot of people that watch movies say this is awesome, there's a pretty good chance it's going to be a pretty decent movie. | ||
| If they all say this is fucking garbage, it's not very likely that's a good movie. | ||
| Yeah, but when you take professional reviewers, or professional reviewers, how can you be someone who just... | ||
| Your art is reviewing other people's art. | ||
| Because that's essentially your contribution. | ||
| Your contribution is reviewing other people's art. | ||
| Yeah, who the fuck are you? | ||
| And then you find out that Ebert actually wrote his own script. | ||
| He made dog shit. | ||
| He made a dog shit movie. | ||
| He wrote and he directed a piece of fucking garbage. | ||
| So he failed at the thing that he was praised for being a critic of. | ||
| Valley of the Dolls, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, it was supposed to be unbelievably bad. | ||
| You suck at it. | ||
| It's sexy though. | ||
| It's like having the best, like the most respected comedy critic was like one of the worst stand-ups of all time. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's exactly what it's like. | ||
| But a guy who never got out of open mic nights was fucking terrible. | ||
| But everyone's like, he knows fucking stand-ups. | ||
| And you know, he would say, here's the problem with Tom Segura's last special. | ||
| Tom has this, you know, pendantic way of distributing his jokes. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Fucking heck. | ||
| Yeah, it's exactly that. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| Well, the idea of being a critic, too. | ||
| There's only one reason why people become critics. | ||
| It's because they don't have anything to contribute. | ||
| There's no critics that are critics because, you know, I'm brilliant at writing books, and I'm amazing at doing paintings and art, but what I really like to do is judge other people's shit. | ||
| That's my favorite thing. | ||
| No, they usually want to be authors. | ||
| They want to be screenwriters. | ||
| They want to be someone who's doing that thing, but they don't have it in them. | ||
| So they become a critic. | ||
| That's one of the beautiful things about things like Rotten Tomatoes. | ||
| They're just regular people. | ||
| They don't have to write a review of this. | ||
| They write a review of it because they're inspired to. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which is probably like how we should treat artwork. | ||
| We should look at people's, you know, you look at an average, you know, oh, Rotten Tomatoes gave it 80%. | ||
| And then you look at the reviews, you go, okay, I see what this guy's saying. | ||
| Without giving away too much, here's what I didn't like. | ||
| Without giving away too much, here's what I liked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. | ||
| Yeah, I think it was the sequel and he co-wrote it. | ||
| But I remember seeing it. | ||
| It was, you know, sexy. | ||
| There was a lot of sex in it, a lot of hot chicks and stuff. | ||
| But yeah, it's a total stupid stoner 70s movie. | ||
| We should watch it and get really high and do commentator. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Carry on it. | ||
| Russ Myers, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. | ||
| So this is a movie that he wrote? | ||
| He co-wrote. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Co-written with Roger Ebert for 20th Century Fox. | ||
| See, you can't criticize that, though. | ||
| Because unless you know who the other person is, and unless you know what Roger's contributions were, you know? | ||
| I mean, he was a part of a dogshit movie, but I've been a part of dogshit shows. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of those things that we did on The Man Show that were dogshit. | ||
| But if you know about the behind-the-scenes struggles to even get dogshit made, you'd realize how difficult it is to have something represent what you wanted to do. | ||
| Especially if it was like his first movie he tried to make. | ||
| Who knows how many people were involved in this? | ||
| Who knows how high on coke the producers were? | ||
| Who knows how fucking crazy the actors were? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who knows? | |
| It's so hard to tell. | ||
| And even if you read like his copy of the script, who knows how much editorial control he had on it, over it. | ||
| Who knows what the studio decided they wanted added or removed. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| Unless you read their individual work. | ||
| If you write a blog entry and you wrote it all by yourself, now I know that's your work. | ||
| I know your work. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But a show? | ||
| Something like the Jessel Neck Offensive. | ||
| How much control do you think they had? | ||
| How much input did Comedy Central have? | ||
| How much input did the producers have? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| The standards and practice people say, you can't say this, you can't say that, change it to this, and that waters it down, but it's good enough, let's do it anyway. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Who knows, you know? | ||
| I don't know why I chose the Jessel Necronism, but I did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know. | ||
| You imagine this as a representation of what he wants, but you don't know that he's actually, I mean, getting on exactly what he wants all the time, right? | ||
| Yeah, which is the beautiful thing about podcasts and the beautiful thing about stand-up is you don't have to have something in it that you don't like. | ||
| Yeah, it could be exactly what you want. | ||
| It's a limited amount of people who are involved. | ||
| The smaller the number, the purer the vision or the purer the product of what you're doing from one source... | ||
| It's weird when you get like giant groups of people that are like All voting and deciding on what should be on a movie. | ||
| Putting their input on how a TV show should be. | ||
| What the monologue should be. | ||
| It's not going to work. | ||
| You can't have that. | ||
| The only way those things work is if you have... | ||
| The less people, the better. | ||
| That's why the things that don't have... | ||
| Directors who really prove themselves and talent that really proves themselves can get... | ||
| They have that power of less and less notes. | ||
| That's why that work is a lot of times better. | ||
| People aren't telling really Tarantino You gotta change all this shit now. | ||
| He's putting the movie out there that he wants to put out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why it's good. | ||
| South Park, perfect example. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really Trey Parker. | ||
| It's one fucking guy, and Matt Stone is involved in it as well, and all the writers are involved as well, but without having this one guy, if you've watched that one-hour thing that they did, what was it called? | ||
| The Countdown to... | ||
| Seven Days to Air. | ||
| Really fascinating. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, really fascinating because you get to see his process, the creative process, how many other people input things and what's involved in the creating of things. | ||
| But their show is so successful and so awesome that Comedy Central just leaves it alone. | ||
| It's so great, man. | ||
| They just back away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| As is The Daily Show. | ||
| The same sort of situation. | ||
| They don't fuck with that. | ||
| They don't fuck with it. | ||
| They just leave it alone. | ||
| And then Louis has that famous deal where he just takes less money and he delivers an episode. | ||
| They don't even know the episode. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| He just drops it. | ||
| Here's the episode. | ||
| It's the best way. | ||
| Well, look. | ||
| When you've got a guy who's as talented as Louis... | ||
| If you want him on your network, the best way to get him on your network is to get him. | ||
| Let him do it. | ||
| Let him do it. | ||
| They're smart enough to get out of their own way. | ||
| It's a beautiful thing that they figured out to do that with him. | ||
| Just step back, get out of their own way, and let him do it. | ||
| And unfortunately, I feel like a lot of entertainment would be a lot better if they would embrace that a little bit more. | ||
| There's so many people giving their input. | ||
| On television. | ||
| I mean, people would die if they realized the amount of people telling you to do things and cut things out in TV. It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| It's hard to get things done. | ||
| On a network, you know, because every spot that they have is valuable. | ||
| Every slot, every 30-minute slot, especially during prime time, it's extremely valuable. | ||
| It's worth so much to have those things there that they have to be real careful because if it's a hit, they can make so much money in advertising. | ||
| If you have a new Chappelle show and it becomes a new cultural icon sort of a thing, oh my God, it's worth money. | ||
| So much money. | ||
| So because of that, these non-creative fucking people get involved in the creative process to try to optimize money. | ||
| Fuck that all up, man. | ||
| That's the one you want to walk away from and leave alone the most. | ||
| When we did Opie and Anthony on Friday, they were talking about that, about radio being sort of ruined because of all this input that now... | ||
| All these restrictions, you can't just be wild anymore. | ||
| You can't just do what you actually want to do, say what you actually want to say. | ||
| You've got to worry about being suspended. | ||
| You've got to worry about being fined. | ||
| Even on satellite radio, they were still fined. | ||
| Yeah, and they have taboo topics like, just don't even bring this up ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, they took a hiatus from satellite for a while, but they were still on regular radio. | ||
| Yeah, that's so bananas. | ||
| And the hiatus was because they had some crazy homeless guy get on and say he wanted to rape, who was it, the Blackwood Condoleezza Rice? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| There's some crazy homeless guy saying a bunch of nutty shit. | ||
| And because of that, they got, I'm pretty sure they got suspended from satellite, but they were allowed to be on regular radio. | ||
| That doesn't even happen. | ||
| Wasn't that, let's see, Opie and Anthony suspended from satellite radio. | ||
| I know that the Playboy radio on Sirius Radio, which is now, I think, Vivid Radio, they used to have, up to like a month ago, they had these rules that you weren't allowed to talk about incest, you weren't allowed to talk about drugs, including marijuana, you weren't allowed to talk about all this shit, and it's like, wait, this is Playboy radio, and you can't talk about marijuana? | ||
| Yeah, XM suspended them for 30 days. | ||
| Yeah, that's ridiculous. | ||
| Can't talk about marijuana on Playboy Radio? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| What fucking stupid shit is that? | ||
| That's so dumb. | ||
| So they were on censored radio while they were suspended from uncensored radio. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| For something someone else said. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's more idiotic thinking. | ||
| There's a lot of idiotic thinking out there. | ||
| But, you know, it's also... | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| It's idiotic to have some fucking homeless guy on saying he wants to rape Condoleezza Rice. | ||
| Like, what you should do is say, don't do that anymore because it's stupid and gross. | ||
| That guy's nasty. | ||
| Like, why do you have this fucked up, mentally ill person in your studio saying stupid shit like that? | ||
| Like, that's not good. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| Suspending them for that? | ||
| Yeah, just don't do that again. | ||
| The people should let them know that they don't like that. | ||
| Like, hey man, that was fucking gross. | ||
| Why you got this guy saying he's going to rape some woman? | ||
| Some woman who works in the White House? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| How long were they suspended for? | ||
| 30 days. | ||
| If it wasn't for them, though, I would have never done this. | ||
| You know, and we'd never done it this way either. | ||
| Because every other show that I ever did, every other radio show that I ever did, was always like real structured. | ||
| Like you would go in there, they would have their bits, they would have their news guy that would interrupt every 15 minutes, they would do their traffic thing, they had all this stuff that you had to go through and do. | ||
| But when you do Opie and Anthony, you would just sit there and hang out with them. | ||
| It was just a loose, open, hang conversation. | ||
| And it was so much more fun to do that way. | ||
| And I remember doing it thinking, God damn, this is the way to do it. | ||
| Why don't they fucking do this on every radio show? | ||
| You still will sometimes, every once in a while... | ||
| We'll stop in and do radio somewhere else, right? | ||
| In a certain town, will you still give them aside from O&A or no? | ||
| I think I do O&A and Kevin& Bean regularly. | ||
| Sometimes I'll call in to another station, but there's not that many of them anymore. | ||
| These disc jockeys have been all choked out. | ||
| They've been choked out by Jack TV or Jack Radio. | ||
| All right, all the pre-programmed stuff. | ||
| I tell you, that Jack Radio is pretty sweet, though. | ||
| Have you ever listened to it before? | ||
| It's just music. | ||
| There's no DJs anymore is the point. | ||
| There's no radio personalities in the point. | ||
| So those morning radio shows are all just choked out. | ||
| Some radio is so, so goddamn awful to do stuff. | ||
| Yeah, but if you want good music and you don't want To listen to fucking idiots babble, which is a lot of what you get on those morning shows. | ||
| Yeah, something like Jack is great. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, I'm saying some of it is so... | ||
| The guys doing morning shows, some of them are still so bad. | ||
| They're dinosaurs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're done. | ||
| That whole style only existed when there was a small amount of people that were allowed to broadcast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and then when the restrictions came down and they had to be as generic and as politician-like as possible, you got this top 40 nonsense where you have people who talk like this. | ||
| Our next guest, you know, you're talking in some weird fake robot voice. | ||
| You're plugging into this system and doing, you know, what's expected of you and there's no individuality to it. | ||
| There's no uniqueness to it. | ||
| It's too restrictive an environment for creativity. | ||
| That's why when a guy like Howard Stern came along, it was just like he blew the roof off of the business because all of a sudden a guy came along that wasn't scared to take on controversial stances, to say outrageous shit, to say really funny things, and to try to entertain people in this really bold and crazy way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And attack other people who are his competitors. | ||
| Like, openly attack them. | ||
| Like, who the fuck ever did that? | ||
| Yeah, that was also a strategy I didn't know. | ||
| But it was like, when he was new in a market, a radio guy was telling me that, like, if he came into a new market, the first thing he would always do is attack that guy's show so that, like, he was playing in a new city and the former number one show... | ||
| Would be being made fun of on Howard's show, so that listeners would be like, oh shit, he's making fun of this guy, and create that buzz in that new city, right? | ||
| It creates drama in the new city, and then people are either saying, you know what, he's right, this show is fucking lame that we've been listening to, or he would pull the people that were going to like him anyways from that new city, and then either it worked out or it didn't. | ||
| And it's low fruit anyway because a lot of them really do suck. | ||
| So it's easy to do. | ||
| You just go in there and jack them. | ||
| Just pointing out the obvious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He would play their show on his show. | |
| Well, Opie and Anthony does that, too. | ||
| They do that, too, yeah. | ||
| What they do is they were doing Jocktober. | ||
| So throughout the month of October, they were like really corny, shitty radio shows. | ||
| They would highlight them, play them, and then just destroy them. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And Anthony is so good at like destroying things. | ||
| And so is Norton. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so they would play these radio and pause them and just crush them and just go off on them for like 10 minutes and then come back to them and let them play some more and then crush them some more. | ||
| Imagine how brutal, like if you're that guy and you hear that, it's so fucking terrible. | ||
| You find out that ONA got a hold of your radio show today for Jocktober and then the pests get a hold of you. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Because the ONA pests are fucking savages. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're animals. | ||
| Those huge, huge O&A fans. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Just listen religiously every day. | ||
| When they decide to go after somebody, they'll torture you on Twitter. | ||
| They'll torture your fucking Facebook page. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| They'll fucking attack you. | ||
| They'll attack you, as will the Stern fans. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, imagine you have your little radio show. | ||
| In Des Moines, and then you get home in your fucking mailbox. | ||
| You're like, what's all this fucking hate mail? | ||
| Yeah, which is one thing that I wanted to bring up. | ||
| We won the Stitcher Award for the best overall podcast. | ||
| And, you know, agree or disagree, that's all good. | ||
| But someone from some... | ||
| I'm not even going to bother mentioning because I think it was actually someone who was like one of the sound guys from the podcast told people to do this, told people to send some hate our way. | ||
| And I got all these fucking angry people on Twitter that were angry that this other show didn't win. | ||
| And, look, you know, first of all, I think contests are stupid, okay? | ||
| I'm glad that people like the show, but I don't give a fuck if we won a contest. | ||
| I think contests are dumb as fuck. | ||
| I've never asked to win a contest. | ||
| It's nice that people acknowledge that they enjoy it. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| But if you're going after someone else for winning something, and somehow or another, you know, you think it takes away from the show that you like, you're a fucking idiot. | ||
| Is this a bigger show? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I've never even heard of them until this wave of fucking hate started coming my way. | ||
| That's super lame. | ||
| And just reading it, it was like, this is so stupid. | ||
| You don't have to like a show, but if you're mad that your show didn't win and another show did, you're a fucking dunce to just go out and push a bunch of hate. | ||
| All that means is that the show that you represent, the show that you like... | ||
| It has a bunch of assholes for fans. | ||
| I don't know why that is. | ||
| I don't know who's responsible for that, but it's so unnecessary. | ||
| I mean, we live in 2014. We, on this podcast especially, As a rule, support other people. | ||
| As a rule. | ||
| I'm constantly telling people about other podcasts that I love, whether it's Hardcore History with Dan Carlin or whether it's Danielle Belele, Danielle Belele's podcast or Tom Segura's podcast or whether it's anybody, Joey Diaz, Ari Shafir, we constantly promote people's podcasts when they come on. | ||
| When Cara Santa Maria was on here the other day, I was telling her, start a podcast. | ||
| You should do a podcast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if somehow or another you like her podcast more than you like my podcast, good! | ||
| That means you like something. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| There's plenty of people in this world. | ||
| There's 300 million fucking people in this country alone. | ||
| And this podcast reaches people all over the planet. | ||
| I get emails and text messages, or tweets rather, from New Zealand, from Australia, from Japan. | ||
| I get them from Afghanistan. | ||
| I get them constantly from all over the world. | ||
| There's plenty of people. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| Who knows how many millions that is that have access to podcasts? | ||
| You should listen to whatever you like. | ||
| The idea that somehow or another, your show is being stiffed by some... | ||
| Maybe they organized some fucking thing where they tried to win it or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's possible. | |
| They were upset that they did that, and so this is the blowback. | ||
| But it's probably that same sort of strategy. | ||
| Get us to talk about it. | ||
| Get us to be angry about it. | ||
| And it pumps up that other show. | ||
| Yeah, I had somebody try to bait us on that too. | ||
| Meanwhile, I hope that other show does great. | ||
| I hope it's something I can listen to. | ||
| I hope I enjoy it. | ||
| I'm not against any other shows. | ||
| I love what I love. | ||
| If there's someone out there that wins some Stitcher Award or some iTunes Award or something like that and we didn't, I'll listen to it because I want to know if it's good. | ||
| Maybe I'll find it enjoyable and it'll be something I can listen to on a plane sometime and have a good time. | ||
| I'm really sorry we got our listeners to send you that hate man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| I was about to bring that up. | ||
| I was trying to work it in slowly. | ||
| We didn't even talk about the UFC. Oh yeah. | ||
| Crazy ass fucking UFC. That was pretty crazy. | ||
| A lot of fights I heard in the stands. | ||
| Yeah, I heard some people got stabbed. | ||
| Two people got stabbed. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Another guy threw a chair at a woman. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Did he throw it at somebody else and the woman got hit? | ||
| Is that what happened? | ||
| We didn't get clarity on that, but it was intense in the stands. | ||
| It was funny because it was... | ||
| How did he get a chair in the stands? | ||
| I think the chair was in... | ||
| Higher up when they have the freestanding area where there actually are chairs. | ||
| Oh, I see, I see, I see. | ||
| So someone threw it down? | ||
| I'm not sure how it was thrown. | ||
| They were just talking about that a chair got thrown and hit a girl. | ||
| That a dude threw it. | ||
| But the stabbing... | ||
| It made sense that something like that happened because we were all... | ||
| I realized that sometimes fights happen in the stands and you look and it just kind of... | ||
| It fizzles out really quickly. | ||
| And in this case, it was... | ||
| You heard a huge shouting, screaming from this area. | ||
| And we all turned and were watching it. | ||
| And then I realized that 30 seconds later, there's a fight going on and everybody is looking in the stands. | ||
| Because there's so much action in there and people are scared. | ||
| What fight was going on while this was happening? | ||
| Man, this had to have been... | ||
| Oh, it was Jamie Varner and Abel Trujillo. | ||
| Was it that fight? | ||
| That's what someone said. | ||
| Yeah, it was later on. | ||
| So it wasn't one of the early fights. | ||
| I want to say it's probably about... | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| Six, seven fights in. | ||
| So that would be Varner Trujillo. | ||
| That was a crazy fucking fight. | ||
| That fight makes people want to stab people. | ||
| Yeah, and that was the... | ||
| That fight was bananas. | ||
| We're looking at six or seven decisions in a row up to that point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But Jamie Varner and Abel Trujillo just fucking assaulted each other. | ||
| They threw down. | ||
| Varner looked like, in the beginning, like, he seemed like he was moments away from closing it out. | ||
| He hit him hard and fast, and he had him in trouble, and you just didn't know if he was going to close it out right then. | ||
| But then... | ||
| Towards the end of the fight, he looked like he was going to get him again. | ||
| Well, he had him in a north-south choke, too, for a while. | ||
| He burnt his arm out in the first round because he was trying to choke him out with that north-south choke. | ||
| So he had him on the ground, had a dominant position, had a choke, couldn't finish the choke, and then they got up and were fucking slinging knuckles at each other. | ||
| Man, yeah. | ||
| It was one of the wildest, most aggressive fights. | ||
| The way I described it, those punches were like, what did you say about my mother punches? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's the way I described it, because they were just, they were so ridiculous. | ||
| I feel like throughout the fights, we were seeing a number of haymakers thrown, man. | ||
| Like, a lot of just over-the-top, running, throwing punches. | ||
| It was pretty intense. | ||
| There was a lot of, there was, I mean, people complained about it. | ||
| Like, that always happens online. | ||
| People complain. | ||
| But I thought there was some fights that weren't the most dramatic because they were evenly matched and they went to decision. | ||
| But that Varner fight and then, of course, the main event was a huge disaster. | ||
| The stoppage, the premature stoppage. | ||
| It was too bad. | ||
| First of all, it was too bad because Hennon Burrell looked fucking sensational. | ||
| I mean, he cracked Uriah Faber with this big punch. | ||
| And he hurt him with a bad leg kick before that, man. | ||
| Leg kick was like a whip. | ||
| He cracked Uriah with a hard leg kick, and you could see Uriah have a little bit of a limp to him right after that. | ||
| It was a hard kick, and then he caught him with that big punch and had him really hurt. | ||
| And so for him, it sucks because he had Uriah really badly hurt, and it doesn't give him this definitive ending. | ||
| He was looking at the referee when he was hammerfisting Uriah because he wanted the referee to stop the fight. | ||
| Which, of course, look, he's the champion. | ||
| He wants to retain his title. | ||
| It's worth a lot of money to him. | ||
| It's very valuable. | ||
| It's also a point of pride. | ||
| But he had Uriah really badly hurt. | ||
| It would have been way better if you could finish him off legitimately. | ||
| If you finished him off where there's no controversy. | ||
| But Herb Dean stopped the fight kind of early. | ||
| But on Herb's side, he didn't know. | ||
| What if he stopped the fight and Uriah, after Hennenborough got off of him, rolls over onto his back and he's unconscious? | ||
| He's getting cracked, he's hurt, he's wobbling, he's hanging on, and he's just had his hands up and he's getting hit with punches. | ||
| I didn't think it was quick enough to stop the fight, or I didn't think it was bad enough to stop the fight, but I'm not a referee, man. | ||
| I'm not in there right next to the guys. | ||
| He is, and he made a bad call. | ||
| But it's because he wanted everybody to be safe. | ||
| It's the right call to make if you're concerned with being safe. | ||
| This is the Jamie Varner, Abel Trujillo fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| That's the punch that landed. | ||
| Oh my god, that's crazy. | ||
| But the way they were winging at each other, look at this. | ||
| They're winging punches at each other. | ||
| Oh, Trujillo hit him so perfect too. | ||
| And he was chasing after Trujillo. | ||
| I mean, the whole thing was so crazy. | ||
| It was one of the wildest Donny Brooks style fights, one of the most slobber knocker fights I've ever seen. | ||
| It's the fight that gets an audience excited. | ||
| That's the kind of fight that people are fired up about. | ||
| I just feel sorry for Uriah Faber a little bit. | ||
| Yeah, that he didn't have a chance to actually... | ||
| Come back. | ||
| He's a fucking durable guy, too, because he might have been able to get out of that and survive and come back. | ||
| We saw with Frankie Edgar versus Grey Maynard, he was hurt even worse than Uriah Faber was, but look, he came back and he won. | ||
| Or he came back and he made a draw out of it. | ||
| Who was it that thought, was it Martin that got out of a crazy armbar? | ||
| Or was he putting it on? | ||
| No, that was Martin was putting it on, and he put it on... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking who? | |
| Russian guy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Magomedov. | ||
| Magomedov. | ||
| Yeah, that was a crazy fight. | ||
| The first round, he dominated that dude on the ground and got a real good, deep arm bar. | ||
| And the guy was screaming in agony when he was trying to get out of it. | ||
| Like, you could see his arms hyper-extended, screaming in agony. | ||
| And managed to get out of it and actually managed to win the fight. | ||
| Yeah, that was incredible. | ||
| That was absolutely incredible seeing him get out of that. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| There was some great fights. | ||
| Jose Aldo's a fucking beast. | ||
| And so is that kid, Ricardo Lamas, man. | ||
| Ricardo Lamas is a tough fucking kid. | ||
| We also saw Alistair and Frank Mir. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, that knee to the face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know a friend, so I have really good seats. | ||
| I was, like, K-side. | ||
| And that knee was right in front of us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you hear it, and we saw Frank's eyes roll back. | ||
| I was certain, first of all, I just heard his jaw get cracked in half. | ||
| And I also thought, because he stumbled big time, I thought he was... | ||
| Going down. | ||
| Absolutely, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he didn't want to go down. | ||
| Look, Frank Mir is a tough motherfucker, man. | ||
| He's tough. | ||
| He's tough, and he's experienced, and the dude has just been there, done that. | ||
| It's hard to take him out, you know? | ||
| That's why it was so impressive that Josh Barnett took him out so fast in the first round. | ||
| Frank's fucking tough, man. | ||
| He kept trying to win. | ||
| He was trying to win, and he was getting hit pretty good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Almost had a guillotine at one point in time, but Alistair popped out of it. | ||
| But, you know, maybe if Frank got that earlier in the fight before he'd taken all that punishment, maybe he'd have had more strength. | ||
| It's incredible to be able to take that abuse and still be in it, though. | ||
| Well, Alistair fought conservatively. | ||
| He kind of admitted to it, that he was worried because he had lost two fights in a row, and he wanted to make sure he played it safe and got the win. | ||
| By the way, was it Trujillo that you asked something like... | ||
| Did it hurt? | ||
| And he was like, I hurt like a mug. | ||
| Yeah, he did, yeah. | ||
| Oh, he was totally honest about it. | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| Alright, so we ran out of time, man. | ||
| We're going to turn into a pumpkin soon. | ||
| Tom Segura on Twitter, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| T-O-M-S-E-G-U-R-A. And the podcast with his lovely and talented wife, Christina Pazitzki, is called Your Mom's House. | ||
| And it is, in fact, the shit. | ||
| And they do a live version of this podcast. | ||
| A lot of times, Tom and Christina will do gigs. | ||
| Well, they'll do stand-up. | ||
| And then they'll also do the podcast. | ||
| And it's got a fucking huge following now. | ||
| And it's beautiful to see, man. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| I love that it's growing and expanding and that you have these shows now and all these people know all the stuff that you guys talk about on a regular basis so they're really into it. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| It's a party and it's a good time. | ||
| We're doing live podcasts. | ||
| It's like a whole different type of performance for us. | ||
| So we're doing it all over, man. | ||
| San Francisco, New York, Houston, Seattle. | ||
| It's going everywhere. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| And they're all free, of course. | ||
| What is the website? | ||
| To listen to, yeah. | ||
| We're on iTunes or you go to yourmomshousepodcast.com. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| And thank you to Squarespace. | ||
| Squarespace.com. | ||
| Use the code word Joe and save 10% off your first purchase. | ||
| Thanks also to LegalZoom.com. | ||
| Use the code word Rogan in the referral box at checkout and get some more savings. | ||
| Thanks to Onnit.com. | ||
| Use the code word Rogan. | ||
| And save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| Thank you everybody who came to New York this weekend. | ||
| We had a great fucking time. | ||
| It couldn't have been a nicer crowd. | ||
| You guys were cool as fuck. | ||
| And even though over 1,000 people had to get upstairs through two elevators, we mentioned at the beginning of the show that we're going to start late because of that. | ||
| And everybody cheered and they were happy. | ||
| And we got everybody seated before the show started. | ||
| I can't thank you guys enough. | ||
| It's a real honor having people that are so nice and so cool come to our shows. | ||
| I don't know how it happened, but we're going to make sure that we continue to try to nurture this. | ||
| All right, we'll be back tomorrow with Justin Martindale. | ||
| And Friday with Cameron Hayes, a famous bow hunter. | ||
| And then it looks like we might do Saturday with Pete Dominick, who's a very funny stand-up. | ||
| And sometimes he's on CNN, and he's also got a great show on Sirius XM as well. | ||
| So we got a lot of shit coming up, you fucks. | ||
| And we love you. | ||
| We love you. | ||
| Love for all. |
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