Dec. 3, 2013 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:41:15
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Steven Shubin Jr. who made some badass designs for the gorilla, orangutan, chimp, and the howler monkey. | ||
| And we've added to that zombie kettlebells. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because we're trendy. | ||
| And zombies are in style. | ||
| Are these painted on? | ||
| No. | ||
| Pay attention. | ||
| You said they're zombies. | ||
| They're sculptures. | ||
| Look. | ||
| I'm not on the line. | ||
| I'm looking at it. | ||
| I'm not on the line. | ||
| I'm showing you a screen in front of your fat, stupid face. | ||
| But you yelled at me before you showed me the screen. | ||
| Brody, I'm trying to do a commercial. | ||
| That's all I'm trying to do here. | ||
| I'm letting you do them, Joe. | ||
| We sell battle ropes and supplements and all. | ||
| By the way, this is a shtick that Steve and Brody Stevens and I do. | ||
| We're not really upset at each other, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| No way! | ||
| This is fun talk. | ||
| We're being fun. | ||
| Silly people that don't know, did you see the drama on the podcast today? | ||
| Brody, your apartment has tons of workout gear. | ||
| Do you have any of this shit? | ||
| Do you have any of these maces or clubs? | ||
| It's hard to look around. | ||
| What's the best angle for me? | ||
| Okay, I can see him up there. | ||
| I have one of the wheel balls on the lower right. | ||
| For abs? | ||
| Ab wheels? | ||
| Yeah, like an ab roller. | ||
| I guess it's an ab roller. | ||
| I have, it looks like a medicine ball. | ||
| I have a couple of those. | ||
| And I have kettle bells. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I have a weighted vest. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And that's probably it. | ||
| Oh, I have a jump rope. | ||
| I see that in the lower corner. | ||
| Have you ever tried battle ropes? | ||
| Those are yellow. | ||
| I do have ropes that I can tie up to my car. | ||
| They're ropes. | ||
| Are they heavy? | ||
| They're not necessarily heavy. | ||
| They're just more to be locked up on something. | ||
| Those may be way a lot. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, so those are to pull? | ||
| Not ropes like this? | ||
| Big fat shipyard ropes? | ||
| Have you ever done these? | ||
| These kind of workouts? | ||
| Battle ropes? | ||
| No, I'd like to. | ||
| I've seen them. | ||
| Really fun. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Full body workout. | ||
| We have some videos available at Onnit.com. | ||
| You can learn how to do it. | ||
| It's fairly easy. | ||
| Just a bunch of different simple exercises. | ||
| Also, if you go online... | ||
| There you see the video that we have. | ||
| But if you go online, there's plenty of different workouts that you can follow along. | ||
| One of the coolest things about the internet, if you have questions about something, there's a lot of generous people out there that will give you their time for free and show you cool shit like this. | ||
| But battle ropes is a great exercise for functional strength and cardio. | ||
| Really good for martial artists. | ||
| If you're into striking or grappling, either one of them, you can benefit pretty substantially from a good kettlebell and battle rope workout. | ||
| We also sell supplements, all kinds of shit. | ||
| We call ourselves a human optimization website because we basically sell you all the shit that actually works as far as making different areas of your body work better, like Shroom Tech Sport, which is a great supplement for endurance. | ||
| It's based on the Cordyceps mushroom, a lot of vitamin B12 in there. | ||
| New Mood, which is based on 5-HTP supplements. | ||
| 5-HTP and L-Tryptophan, which converts to 5-HTP. | ||
| All those help your brain produce more serotonin, actually get you feeling better. | ||
| La, la, la, la, la. | ||
| If I went on forever about all the groovy shit at Onnit.com, this commercial would be three hours long and you guys wouldn't be listening anymore. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN. | ||
| Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| Steven Brody Stevens is here. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes. | |
| Let's get freaky, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go Rogan Podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, Steven Brody Stevens is here. | ||
| He's excited. | ||
| He's a new man. | ||
| He's on Comedy Central now. | ||
| People are finally starting to recognize your talent, Brody. | ||
| Feels good. | ||
| These motherfuckers. | ||
| They tried to hold you back for so long. | ||
| They were afraid of your originality, your unique talents, the vibe you give off, all the above. | ||
| You scared the public. | ||
| You scared the private. | ||
| I think at one point, maybe. | ||
| I mean, there have been times... | ||
| I'm going to ask one question before we move on. | ||
| Brian, are there going to be the monitors? | ||
| I get distracted sometimes. | ||
| What do you think I should do? | ||
| Yeah, maybe one of them. | ||
| The monitor over there, that's bothering you? | ||
| Yeah, I want to focus on Joe. | ||
| I get distracted. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| I did a podcast. | ||
| Let's shut them both off. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| We'll shut them both off unless we need something. | ||
| But doesn't Brian have to do that? | ||
| No, he doesn't have to do it. | ||
| Jamie, just shut them off. | ||
| We're without control. | ||
| All right, I'm just seeing that one. | ||
| There's new things these days. | ||
| Like this, I close my left eye, and then I'm good. | ||
| What do you see? | ||
| Because I can see that one, yeah. | ||
| That bothers you? | ||
| That's like a fucking hundred yards away. | ||
| I know, but it's like right in my... | ||
| What's the Tarzana hat? | ||
| It's distracting me. | ||
| It's kind of just a joke. | ||
| I did a show earlier, a visual live show, and I felt it would be funny to wear. | ||
| Like I said, I was telling Brian and these guys earlier, I feel like I have a three-day window to kind of goof around. | ||
| Again, I'm not going to wear this out in public, but I'll wear it on a show, I'll wear it on a podcast. | ||
| Three-day window to goof around? | ||
| Before what? | ||
| Well, before and after. | ||
| Having that Comedy Central show, I felt like... | ||
| Maybe before it, I could be a little more... | ||
| Not outgoing on Twitter, but make some statements, be real, get things off my chest. | ||
| Not go manic, but just kind of say... | ||
| I wanted to share with the audience kind of what was going on in my mind before something was going to happen. | ||
| Because I knew episode one was going to be good. | ||
| I knew that based on... | ||
| I had good reviews. | ||
| What is the show? | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's called Brody Stevens. | ||
| Enjoy it. | ||
| Great name. | ||
| Well, thank you. | ||
| And enjoy it, if you want to hear, it just came from my early years at Arizona State. | ||
| My freshman year, I would go to McDonald's, actually, on a Sunday and read the newspaper. | ||
| And the girl working there was just overly positive. | ||
| I'd order a Big Mac combo. | ||
| Hey guys, keep them off. | ||
| I was going to show you the trailer, if you wanted to see the trailer for Brody's new show. | ||
| Let's just talk for a while. | ||
| We'll show it later. | ||
| And she was just so nice, and she was slightly handicapped, but that's not the point. | ||
| I just remember she would slide it across the counter there, and she would go, enjoy! | ||
| And it's just like, wow! | ||
| She's really into her job, and it's McDonald's, and she doesn't have to be. | ||
| And then I saw her working at Wendy's around the corner. | ||
| This is a true story. | ||
| I went in there and ordered a Chocolate Frosty, which at the time wasn't available. | ||
| I updated that because at one point it was only Frosty's. | ||
| So anyway, Chocolate Frosty's. | ||
| You updated it yourself? | ||
| Yeah, well, back in the day, like chocolate Frosties and vanilla Frosties, there was only chocolate Frosty. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So when you go to Wendy's and you say, I'm going to get a chocolate Frosty, it was redundant because they didn't have other options. | ||
| This is in the 1988. Okay. | ||
| But anyway, going through the drive-thru, I get my drink and my food, the double-double, and she reaches out and she goes, enjoy. | ||
| Same lady. | ||
| Different restaurant, fast food. | ||
| Well, I guess that was her living. | ||
| Maybe she worked double shifts. | ||
| And it just stuck in my mind, enjoy. | ||
| And then I brought it around the baseball team at Arizona State and was like, enjoy, enjoy it, enjoy that, enjoy us. | ||
| It just kind of took a life of its own. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| She stepped up. | ||
| She went from McDonald's to Wendy's. | ||
| Wendy's is probably a higher quality burger. | ||
| If I have to choose between the two. | ||
| Yeah, Wendy's you feel like you're getting a little bit... | ||
| Yeah, it's a better patty. | ||
| Yeah, it's a better patty and better taste and probably a better gig. | ||
| And you're sitting down there. | ||
| It's a little more warm. | ||
| It's more wood panel. | ||
| You'll find that. | ||
| It's more country. | ||
| It reminds you of that one dude that used to be in all those commercials. | ||
| Dave, right? | ||
| Dave. | ||
| He used to play Santa Claus for me because my mommy's worked for the headquarters and he would dress up as Santa Claus every year. | ||
| And as a kid, I have all these photos of me on his lap, him dressed up as Santa Claus and me crying and stuff. | ||
| Whoa, the Wendy's guy made you cry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Were you just crying and everything? | ||
| The wind's blowing. | ||
| Have you seen the new Wendy's girl? | ||
| Why would you be crying about Santa Claus? | ||
| Because I was like three or four. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Three-year-olds just cry at anything. | ||
| Yeah, but it has me all the way up to like 14. I have a picture of me old. | ||
| So that's where Enjoy It came from. | ||
| That's where that title came from. | ||
| It's a good one. | ||
| Around the baseball team, Enjoy It, yes. | ||
| And guys picked up on it. | ||
| And there's a couple other phrases. | ||
| Simple was another one. | ||
| We'd play video games and... | ||
| I'm just better than you. | ||
| Simple. | ||
| So it was kind of like that. | ||
| Simple. | ||
| So we had simple. | ||
| Enjoy it. | ||
| Because when you play baseball, and you have to be vocal, supporting your teammates, and you're in the dugout quite a bit, and you just come up with funny stuff. | ||
| I was able to rag other teams. | ||
| You know, obviously not cursing or anything like that, but... | ||
| Make fun of batters or make fun of a third baseman or another pitcher kind of thing. | ||
| So you had these little catchphrases. | ||
| Yeah, I got better at it. | ||
| At first, I was bad. | ||
| It was like, comb your hair! | ||
| It's like, Brody, no, you're going to have to... | ||
| Take the game off. | ||
| You gotta step up your phrase game. | ||
| Yeah, you learn. | ||
| You stick with numbers. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Like 22, deuces, 11, sticks, legs, ones, arms. | ||
| You just have fun. | ||
| I had fun with, like, joking with numbers. | ||
| These are the things you would yell out while the game's going on? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, supporting your teammates. | ||
| So, like, Rogan's at the plate. | ||
| You're wearing number 11. Rogan, yes! | ||
| Here we go! | ||
| Sticks! | ||
| Let's do it! | ||
| Making contact. | ||
| Great hat! | ||
| I don't know what else I would say. | ||
| Did you put work into this? | ||
| Or is this just something that you just sort of picked up along the way? | ||
| Well, I would... | ||
| Well, I guess I kind of work at it, but I would pick it up along the way. | ||
| Yeah, with you, I would say numbers. | ||
| I wouldn't say, come on, Rogan. | ||
| I wouldn't say it like that. | ||
| I'd go, come on, buddy! | ||
| I'd say that. | ||
| But then I would do the... | ||
| Then I would do... | ||
| Jesus, Brody! | ||
| You spilled all over yourself. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| I'll tell you why. | ||
|
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You panic? | |
| You panic? | ||
| No, I'm not manic. | ||
| I've been dumping drinks over. | ||
| I said panic, P-A-N. Oh, I'm manic and panic. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| These are Quicksilver amphibious shorts. | ||
| You can wear them in the water. | ||
| Oh, this is what's called a secret plug. | ||
| I see what you did. | ||
| I'd love to work with Quicksilver. | ||
| You threw water on yourself on purpose to get Quicksilver to sponsor your Comedy Central show. | ||
| You're a very smart guy in that respect. | ||
| Jason Kidd of the Nets did that. | ||
|
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Who is Jason Kidd? | |
| I know you wouldn't know it. | ||
| That's for somebody who knows it out there. | ||
| Somebody who knows it. | ||
| What did he do? | ||
| He spilt water on the court to kind of delay the game. | ||
| Yeah, against the Lakers the other night. | ||
| Because they were losing and they had to get a timeout or something. | ||
| And so once he spilled the court, water on it, they had to clean it up. | ||
| And while they were cleaning it up, they designed a play. | ||
| It's like kind of cheating. | ||
| There's been a bunch of things over the years where guys have done various things in the octagon that were illegal to make things more slippery. | ||
| Oh, like Vaseline or something? | ||
| Yeah, but in the UFC, when you throw water on the canvas, it actually gives you more traction. | ||
| Oh, it does? | ||
| Yeah, guys actually throw water on the ground before they fight, and then they step in the water. | ||
| Is that legal or no? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay, and it's all good. | ||
| Yeah, it's not bad. | ||
| You're not supposed to pour too much water on yourself. | ||
| Sometimes you'll see the referee drying a guy off before he goes out for the next round. | ||
| Yeah, because say if you're fighting a grappler and you come out completely soaking wet, Like literally stripping wet. | ||
| It's way harder to grab you. | ||
| You're slippery. | ||
| You slip out of things. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Like you're in the swimming pool. | ||
| Yeah, and that slipperiness can make the difference between a submission and an escape. | ||
| It's a big deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a pretty big factor. | ||
| Oil. | ||
| A lot of guys have oiled them. | ||
| They oil up like baby oil? | ||
| Yeah, you know what they do? | ||
| That's cheating, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| One of the things that guys have done is they, it's been rumored, that they lie in mineral baths at night. | ||
| So they take this bath with mineral oils and they just soak in it for fucking hours. | ||
| Like an hour or whatever. | ||
| And then they take a shower. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then when they sweat the next day, even though their skin is dry when they start out, when they sweat, they're just slippery as fuck. | ||
| Oh, they're slippery. | ||
| But they're not technically illegal. | ||
| They're not technically illegal because they are clean. | ||
| Like if you touch them, you're not going to feel like an oily... | ||
| There's no health benefit from it? | ||
| Well, I'm sure it's probably good for your skin. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It keeps you lovely. | ||
| I try, you know, take a mineral oil bath. | ||
| There was a guy who was actually kicked out of corners, I don't know, for life or what. | ||
| But it was for a long time, because he was rubbing Vaseline on guys. | ||
| He would do this chest massage thing, and while he was doing it, he was rubbing Vaseline on them. | ||
| He'd rub their neck, and he was rubbing Vaseline on them. | ||
| He was actually making them more slippery. | ||
| GSP, right? | ||
| Blatant. | ||
| Yeah, it was his corner man. | ||
| It was blatant. | ||
| They were saying that they were doing this... | ||
| There's a guy who used to work with fighters that claimed to be like a witch doctor. | ||
| They called him the witch doctor. | ||
| And he had this whole series of things that he would do to guys to align their chakras and shit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Angelo Dundee? | ||
| No! | ||
| I don't remember the gentleman's name. | ||
| But he used to rub dudes' chests in a circle and pat their neck. | ||
| And his corner man was doing that right after he applied Vaseline to his face. | ||
| So whether or not it was intentional, only he knows that. | ||
| But what he was doing was this voodoo move with Vaseline on his hand. | ||
| Oh, it's kind of... | ||
| So it's kind of illegal, and he might not have realized he had just put Vaseline on his face. | ||
| Anderson Silva did it once, too. | ||
| He wiped Vaseline off of his face and put it on his chest and his arms, like in front of everybody. | ||
| I mean, don't they do that in boxing? | ||
| They put Vaseline all over? | ||
| Yeah, but it's a big difference. | ||
| On your face is okay. | ||
| Oh, it is okay. | ||
| The big difference is having it on your arms and chest. | ||
| Gotcha. | ||
| Because then if guys go to clinch up with you, you slip away from them. | ||
| And, you know, Anderson did it, like, really blatantly in one fight. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, but they don't let him do it anymore. | ||
| You know, you've got to realize MMA is only 20 years old. | ||
| We just celebrated, the UFC celebrated its 20th anniversary. | ||
| So, like, there's a lot of rules that have to get made up along the way. | ||
| It's evolving. | ||
| Still some fuckery afoot, Brody Stevens. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| It's probably the sport. | ||
| It's not going to change all that much over the years, I don't think. | ||
| It could use a few changes. | ||
| It could use a few changes. | ||
| But it might be, say, like a golf or a tennis, which is kind of, you know, over the years, I guess, they're gentlemen sports. | ||
| MMA will never be that. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| You think it will evolve into different rules or different? | ||
| No, it's always going to be really primal because that's what What its appeal is. | ||
| And in this watered-down society where everything's nerfed and the whole world is fucking sanitary, there's one sport where shit gets real. | ||
| It's real as fuck. | ||
| And it does. | ||
| Two dudes who are pushing themselves for five minutes per round. | ||
| And in a championship match, you're talking about 25 minutes of Ferocity and kinetic energy and just thinking and sweat and blood and injuries and gutting through things and trying to overcome. | ||
| I mean, it's a fucking... | ||
| It's primal as primal gets. | ||
| The most exciting sport of all time. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right up there with baseball. | |
| How dare you? | ||
| How dare you even compare those... | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, no shit. | |
| That's what I always... | ||
| When people complain about ground fighting, a guy holding a guy down the ground... | ||
| And I'm like, as boring as it is, it's not as boring as baseball. | ||
| Well, baseball... | ||
| You watch that, you fuck. | ||
| I don't watch a lot of baseball. | ||
| You watch plenty. | ||
| No, I like going to... | ||
| You watch too much. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| How much? | ||
| Not very much. | ||
| How much is not very much? | ||
|
unidentified
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Um... | |
| I don't... | ||
| I mean, I don't... | ||
| Honestly... | ||
| Give me a number. | ||
|
unidentified
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I just don't... | |
| I don't watch a lot of TV. Don't lie to America, Brody Stevens. | ||
| I'll tell you what I like about baseball. | ||
| I like going down early before the fans get there. | ||
| Hanging out with the team. | ||
| Watching the batting practice. | ||
| Playing grab ass. | ||
| If you want to call it that. | ||
| 10%. | ||
| Having fun. | ||
| Brody. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| Then stay for a few innings and then go home. | ||
| Well, it seems like your sense of humor actually was kind of developed from the camaraderie of hanging out with guys that you were playing with. | ||
| So that makes sense that you would enjoy that camaraderie. | ||
| Enjoy it! | ||
| Enjoy it! | ||
| Simple. | ||
| Simple. | ||
| Making everybody laugh. | ||
| You got it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Push. | |
| That camaraderie of teammates working out together, hanging out together. | ||
| People who've never experienced that sort of environment, they don't really totally understand it, do they? | ||
| I would think not, only because, yeah, I got to play baseball. | ||
| First of all, at Arizona State, we're flying around. | ||
| We had to be professionals and represent a university. | ||
| And then, yeah, going off to play in the summertime up to Alaska, and you're up there, and you're... | ||
| Meeting guys from different schools, and yeah, you're traveling, you're sharing hotel rooms, and a lot of those experiences, yeah, and then the locker room stuff, and the parties, and the jokes on the bus, and yeah, getting in trouble as a team, you know. | ||
| That helped, yes, define who I am. | ||
| It defined, I enjoyed that, yes. | ||
| You know, having that. | ||
| Yeah, I think that that's something that everybody could use. | ||
| I think that's one of the benefits of competing in a sport, is that you go and you hang out with a bunch of people that are also doing the same thing, and you learn together. | ||
| You know, I think that's missing from a lot of people, man. | ||
| I think that's missing from a lot of people that never get involved in sports. | ||
| Yeah, I would, after my freshman year, I would always, because I wasn't a top guy, so I didn't get the instruction. | ||
| From the coaches, like the top recruits. | ||
| So I would go to the other pitchers, the senior pitchers, and I'd say, can you guys help me out a little bit with my mechanics? | ||
| And there's a big window where you can look in and work on your throwing mechanics. | ||
| And these guys would work with me. | ||
| So I knew the coach was focusing on these other guys, and I never got upset about, oh, I'm not in the game, I'm not good enough. | ||
| I just said I want to become... | ||
| The best pitcher I could be and work on my mechanics. | ||
| What's the difference in pitching between the really awesome dudes, the guys who get scouted, and a guy like you? | ||
| What's the difference? | ||
| I did get scouted, but I would say what they look for today is probably size. | ||
| Is a guy going to fill into his body? | ||
| Having long arms, good attitude. | ||
| Is their motion going to be where they're not going to hurt their shoulder or hurt their arms? | ||
| So their motion as far as the way they throw. | ||
| Yeah, you can see a guy how he throws. | ||
| Naturally, he may throw... | ||
| Strange where I can see an injury coming on if he doesn't adjust that. | ||
| Whereas some guys have perfect, smooth mechanics. | ||
| So is there a very specific technique when it comes to throwing a hardball? | ||
| I think there's specific techniques, yes. | ||
| Within that, there's some coaches and some philosophies that have variations on that. | ||
| But there's a few famous guys who deviate, right? | ||
| They throw sidearm. | ||
| Yeah, they're sidearmers. | ||
| I mean, a sidearmor could be... | ||
| Yeah, they just get more action. | ||
| They throw over the top and they're an okay pitcher, but they figured out to throw sidearm and that puts different action on the ball and some guys, yeah, can't do that or don't want to do that or... | ||
| You don't have to show baseball games. | ||
| That's Brody pitching at Arizona State. | ||
| Brody, you're on YouTube? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I have one video of me pitching on YouTube. | ||
| How did you do? | ||
| I gave up a home run. | ||
| It's just the alumni game. | ||
| It's the only time you've ever pitched? | ||
| No, I pitched. | ||
| I think my record was 4-1. | ||
| I pitched three years. | ||
| I was injured here and there, but I pitched. | ||
| I was 4-1. | ||
| I think I had a few saves. | ||
| My ERA was three-point-something. | ||
| I had 28 strikeouts and... | ||
| Maybe I had 31. I had more strikeouts per innings, and I had 11 walks. | ||
| What's that one crazy surgery that baseball players get sometimes elective? | ||
| Tommy John surgery. | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| You take a ligament out of your wrist and you put it in your elbow? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of what it was. | ||
| Back in the day, they would say you hurt your right arm. | ||
| They would probably take the palmaris tendon at the time. | ||
| So they'd usually take it out of your left wrist. | ||
| And they would put it in your right elbow. | ||
| And they would do a figure eight kind of and tighten it up. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| That's the Tommy John. | ||
| Now, they'll take maybe a... | ||
| A ligament from your leg, or maybe a dead body, or even the same arm, and they put it in there. | ||
| So over the years, it's gotten, I think the surgery has become more commonplace. | ||
| Right, but it's an elective surgery on some guys. | ||
| Some guys, they don't even have an injury. | ||
| They do it because it gives them more power. | ||
| I would say no. | ||
| I would say... | ||
| What do you mean no? | ||
| I know guys have done it. | ||
| Baseball players. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That have said, my arm's fine. | ||
| Yeah, guys have done it. | ||
| I mean, I don't know if it's been high-level pros, but I know I was reading an article about, okay, it's called a Tommy John surgery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Who shares the same birthday as me. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| Tommy John. | ||
| And I had surgery too. | ||
| He's so similar. | ||
| Tommy John surgery, the next steroid. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| When it comes to high school and college sports, young athletes often yearn for bigger muscles to enhance their performance. | ||
| But for student baseball pitchers, strength isn't so much of a goal as it is speed, throwing speed. | ||
| And now student athletes looking for a way to get extra boost in their pitching arm have been putting their hopes in an elective surgery called the ulnar collateral ligament reconstruction, more famously known as Tommy John surgery. | ||
| I had something very similar to that. | ||
| Okay, it says that? | ||
| Yes, they're doing it on purpose. | ||
| Well, I've read many articles about this. | ||
| This isn't like a secret. | ||
| Are these high schoolers? | ||
| These are, yes, high school and college athletes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Thank you for bringing that up, and I know this is a Joe Rogan experience, and you're going to learn stuff, and I learned that. | ||
| If you're asking me right now, 2013, is there a major leaguer? | ||
| That has, electively, like one of these kids in high school, and we know we have a problem with high schools and parents and the pressure of all that. | ||
| Is there a major leaguer? | ||
| Currently, or within the past year or two, who has electively gone, non-injury, electively taken that surgery and continued to be in the major leagues and maybe improved. | ||
| My guess is no. | ||
| That's my instinct. | ||
| That's my guess is that it has not happened. | ||
| But, you know, we'll see what happens with this high school kid or these college kids. | ||
| Why do you think no, though, if all these kids are getting it done? | ||
| You don't think that some people have gotten that done? | ||
| Why would you say that? | ||
| Well, here's the deal. | ||
| If you tear your ligament, you need the surgery. | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| If you have the ligament and it's chronic, it's not necessarily torn, it's worn down, it's off the bone, you're probably going to need the surgery. | ||
| And the reason why these guys come back stronger, it's not because the ligament is stronger. | ||
| I mean, that may have something to do with it, but a lot of people also think it's the training. | ||
| Because you hurt your elbow, you're going to have to really go extra and out of the way to make sure that elbow is strong. | ||
| So when you're doing the rehab, you're reaching into the ice, you're doing all... | ||
| The ultrasound on your elbow, the exercises. | ||
| You're doing extra, actually. | ||
| And that's another reason why people come back stronger. | ||
| And I do think that, yeah, it doesn't make you bionic, but a lot of guys have come back for that surgery and have thrown harder and have continued their career. | ||
| I think it's yet to be known if a guy who elects to do it in high school or college, it's going to make him throw harder. | ||
| If they're hurting and they got it, I understand. | ||
| If they're having chronic pains in their elbow and their mechanics are such where it's not going to get better, it's only going to get worse. | ||
| So you better adjust your mechanics, and on top of that, yeah, let's get the Tommy John surgery and see what happens. | ||
| Well, I think the surgery has been proven to have a significant effect on the mechanics of your arm. | ||
| I think it makes your arm stronger. | ||
| It makes it throw faster. | ||
| I don't agree. | ||
| Well, I don't know if you know that, Brody, because I don't think you've got it done. | ||
| And all these people, these doctors are saying it. | ||
| All these doctors are saying it. | ||
| They're not pitchers. | ||
| Yeah, but they're working with pitchers. | ||
| They're talking about getting this done. | ||
| It takes a year to recover. | ||
| Yeah, almost two years, actually. | ||
| Almost two. | ||
| Most guys come back fully strength, back to normal, a year and a half to two years. | ||
| It puts more strength in your elbow, and the risks are that sometimes after their elbow gets reconstructed or just they add this additional ligament, it becomes permanently stiff. | ||
| And their muscles tear or they can have something called iatrogenic, physician-induced problems with their elbows because of the surgery. | ||
| See? | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| No, it's not good. | ||
| But it's fascinating that people are doing this, that guys are going to... | ||
| It's not a small trend, either. | ||
| There's quite a few guys that are going to the doctor, and they think... | ||
| The doctor's explaining the rehabilitation process and how long it takes, and it'll take up to a year to recover, is what they're saying. | ||
| But they're saying that it does have a significant impact. | ||
| On... | ||
| It's my phone. | ||
| But throwing harder? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't agree. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's my opinion. | ||
| It might allow you to whip your arm more, like more arm whip. | ||
| But arm whip is not... | ||
| I mean, that's going to add a mile or two. | ||
| But I'm not a believer in it. | ||
| I want to see a major leaguer that has that done and... | ||
| Electively, with no injury. | ||
| I had the surgery done. | ||
| I didn't have a tear. | ||
| I had chronic injuries in my elbow. | ||
| My elbow wasn't getting better. | ||
| I had bad mechanics. | ||
| I got an MRI. And they go, you know what? | ||
| The ligament, I see damage in there. | ||
| I can't tell. | ||
| There is damage in your elbow. | ||
| And he asked me, you may need Tommy John surgery. | ||
| Do you want to take the tendon out of your left wrist? | ||
| And I go, yes. | ||
| And they did the surgery. | ||
| And he saw that my ligament was intact, and he stapled it back down to the bone, and he tightened me up. | ||
| That wasn't the Tommy John surgery, but... | ||
| A lot of people agree with you, apparently, also about the rehabilitation, that that's really what's helping them, and that it's not necessarily the throwing harder. | ||
| It's not necessarily the ligament, but that it might just be the rehabilitation, the emphasis that you put into rehabilitation. | ||
| That, yeah. | ||
| But maybe you can do that on your run. | ||
| Why don't you do that in any way? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's actually pretty controversial. | ||
| I'm going to ask around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wouldn't do it. | ||
| I would wait until you have a chronic injury or it pops and tears. | ||
| Like, you know you did it. | ||
| You know, mine was a chronic buildup thing. | ||
| And it was due to bad mechanics. | ||
| So, if you have bad mechanics... | ||
| And you get this elective surgery ahead of time, you're still going to have bad mechanics. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| Some people have to get a second surgery. | ||
| It's not just the one time. | ||
| You can tear it again, actually. | ||
| Yeah, that's super common with knees. | ||
| Guys who have ACL reconstructions, they blow it out all the time. | ||
| I can think of several fighters. | ||
| Dominic Cruz, current Bantamweight champion, had his ACL reconstructed, blew it out, had to have it done again. | ||
| So he's been out almost two years. | ||
| When he fights Hennon Burrell, they unify the title. | ||
| Burrell, they had to crown an interim champion. | ||
| So Hennon Burrell and Michael McDonald went after it. | ||
| Great fight. | ||
| And Hennon Burrell became the interim champion. | ||
| And now, because he's the interim champion... | ||
| Or is it... | ||
| No. | ||
| Who did he win the title from? | ||
| Am I wrong about that? | ||
| I might be wrong about that. | ||
| Michael McDonald challenged for the title. | ||
| I think Burrell beat somebody else for the title. | ||
| But anyway... | ||
| The instances of guys getting their knees reconstructed and blowing them out again is real high. | ||
| The same knee? | ||
| Yeah, same knee. | ||
| Or the other knee. | ||
| I've had both my knees reconstructed. | ||
| Derek Rose, I don't know if you follow basketball, he blew out his left knee. | ||
| He's on the Bulls, and he's a $100 million player. | ||
| And he blew out his knee, I guess his left, one of his knees, and he took a year off, and people gave him a hard time because people do come back, actually, after nine or ten months with an ACL. And he didn't come back. | ||
| And then he came back this year and he was playing and he did the same thing to his other knee. | ||
| I was Hennenborough. | ||
| I was incorrect. | ||
| He defended against Michael McDonald. | ||
| He won the title with a decision over Uriah Faber. | ||
| I should have known that. | ||
| That was way back in July of 2012. So Dominick Cruz has been rehabbing all this time, sitting on the sidelines, even before then, because they had to come up with an interim title back then. | ||
| The poor guy's been out for two whole years. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Due to these knee issues. | ||
| Knee issues, man. | ||
| And with him, it's very important because his style, he's probably got the most elaborate footwork style in all of MMA. The dude is tireless. | ||
| And he goes five rounds of constant moving. | ||
| It's one of the problems with fighting him. | ||
| He's never there. | ||
| He's like a will-o'-the-wisp. | ||
| You know, his footwork is spectacular. | ||
| So a guy who's coming back from... | ||
| Essentially, two significant operations to his knee and two years on the shelf, and he's got that crazy style. | ||
| But you know, knees, you're hearing guys like Kobe Bryant going to Germany and getting some of that, whatever they do in Germany. | ||
| I had it done. | ||
| I had it done here in America. | ||
| It's called Regenokene. | ||
| I had it done on my neck. | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| It does work. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's called Regenokene or Orthokene in Germany. | ||
| Regenokine, Keen, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| They take your blood out. | ||
| They take a lot of it, like almost a liter. | ||
| And then they expose it to environmental factors and spin it in a centrifuge. | ||
| And in doing that, it produces this reaction to the heat that they expose it to. | ||
| It produces this yellow liquid, which is the most potent anti-inflammatory drug known to man. | ||
| And it's produced by your own body. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| So it's amazing stuff. | ||
| And they now do it in Santa Monica. | ||
| They do it in Dallas. | ||
| I think they do it in Vegas now as well. | ||
| But fighters are experiencing miraculous results with this. | ||
| I know Chris Weidman had it done on his knees. | ||
| A lot of different fighters are getting it done at different parts of their body, their backs especially. | ||
| So they're waiting until they're injured to do it. | ||
| Oh yeah, there's no benefit if you weren't injured. | ||
| It's just anti-inflammatory. | ||
| But don't take it unless you are hurt. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But the people who are hurt, like elbow injuries, sore elbows, sore knees, they experience profound changes because of this. | ||
| It's really amazing stuff. | ||
| And it's healthy. | ||
| Oh, it's totally healthy. | ||
| Okay, that's good to know. | ||
| It's your blood. | ||
| It's your own body. | ||
| There's nothing dangerous about it whatsoever. | ||
| But what's really fascinating is that these guys are figuring out all these different ways to get your body to heal itself. | ||
| I mean, that's essentially what they're doing. | ||
| They're reintroducing your body's own anti-inflammatory response to get it to fix itself. | ||
| That's amazing, man. | ||
| That's incredible shit. | ||
| And they're doing this now? | ||
| What are they going to have in two years? | ||
| What are they going to have in five years? | ||
| What will they have? | ||
| I think within our lifetimes, we're going to see genetic manipulation to the point where they can alter your frame. | ||
| You're hearing that kind of stuff. | ||
| HGH, for example, that is available to the public? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's not? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's certain companies that are starting to make... | ||
| It's called secretagogue. | ||
| It's an HGH that is... | ||
| I don't even know if you have to get a doctor's prescription because what it does is it stimulates your body's own production of HDH using a certain combination of amino acids and minerals. | ||
| And you can definitely stimulate the growth of it with amino acids. | ||
| That's pretty much been proven that you could raise your levels significantly where you could see it will show up several percent. | ||
| And you would get benefit out of that. | ||
| But as far as like... | ||
| Real human growth hormone? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somatropin and that kind of stuff. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| You have to get it from a doctor. | ||
| Okay, so it is available. | ||
| It has to be prescribed. | ||
| In most sports, it's illegal. | ||
| Okay, so it's prescribed. | ||
| And I know they have these, what, anti-aging clinics in Florida and the guys got them. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's where these guys go. | ||
| Is that... | ||
| Good for you? | ||
| And is that something that people take and it works? | ||
| Well, it's not a blank statement. | ||
| Is salt good for you? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Salt is an essential mineral. | ||
| It is good for you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| But if you eat a pound, you're dead. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, you know, by asking, is HGH or is human growth hormone testosterone at these anti-aging things? | ||
| Small doses. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If you're doing it correctly, yes, it is good for you. | ||
| But it also improves performance, without a doubt. | ||
| And the question is, should you be allowed to do that and compete in sports? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| There's a big argument with that right now in fighting because of testosterone use exemptions. | ||
| And it's a very controversial subject with a lot of different opinions on both sides. | ||
| And there's fighters that are taking testosterone and it helps them recover. | ||
| It definitely is good for you if you take it. | ||
| It'll definitely help you recover. | ||
| What's the difference between you taking and you recovering quicker and a guy who might have the same levels as you and doesn't take anything? | ||
| And when you're training all the time, your body gets beaten down. | ||
| And your body has naturally low levels because you're pushing it to the limit. | ||
| You're trying to get your body to respond. | ||
| You have to make sure you sleep 10 hours, 12 hours a night. | ||
| You gotta make sure you drink shitloads of water. | ||
| You gotta make sure your nutrition is on point, super clean. | ||
| And if you do all those things, you can maximize your hormone levels naturally if you're a young, healthy man. | ||
| But if you don't do that, if you don't get the right sleep, if you're stressed out, if you don't eat right, if you overtrain, you can easily show low levels. | ||
| You go to a doctor and the doctor says, well, you've got low testosterone, son. | ||
| We're going to give you a testosterone use exemption and you'll be better than ever. | ||
| You will be better than ever. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But the question becomes, when is it... | ||
| When should it be illegal? | ||
| And then where do we stop? | ||
| Because there's a lot of testosterone supplements that you can take that are natural, over-the-counter stuff. | ||
| There's a lot of different ingredients in testosterone boosters that have been showed to have fairly significant increases in your body's ability to produce testosterone. | ||
| I'd start with that. | ||
| Yeah, but the problem is, where does it end, is my point. | ||
| If you make testosterone illegal, if you say, okay, a guy can't take testosterone, can he take creatine? | ||
| Can he take amino acids? | ||
| Can he take vitamins? | ||
| Can he take a bunch of things outside of his normal diet? | ||
| They're not going to go that back, are they? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You tell me. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| But why not? | ||
| When things are improving, if things are helping, they're helping. | ||
| And if it's testosterone, what about vitamin B12? That's legal, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But can you take it in an intramuscular shot? | ||
| Because that really increases performance. | ||
| Can you? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yes, you can. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But why should you be able to? | ||
| Why should you be able to take vitamin B12 and you can't take testosterone? | ||
| Why should you be able to take testosterone if you can't take some synthetic thing that someone creates that turns you into a fucking super freak? | ||
| The real question becomes, where do we draw the line as far as how much- Too much! | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
| I think there's going to be a point in time where it's like the internet. | ||
| At one point in time when they first created the internet, you might have been able to keep a porn site off. | ||
| But at this point, it's a joke. | ||
| It's just out there. | ||
| There's no way you're going to stop people from seeing naked people if they go online. | ||
| If they go online and they're curious, they're going to find what they're looking for. | ||
| I think we're going to have, in just everyday life, so many options to enhance your body. | ||
| I think it's going to be staggering. | ||
| And I think the idea of a natural athlete 100 years from now is going to be a joke. | ||
| I don't think there's going to be any. | ||
| Well, don't they do it in bodybuilding right now? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| They have guys who do steroids and they have guys who do natural. | ||
| No, they have guys who claim to be natural, but there's a lot of those guys who used to do steroids. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then they stopped doing steroids and now they do natural. | ||
| And they've gotten significant benefits because of that. | ||
| Like a friend of mine, he was a natural bodybuilder in quotes. | ||
| He was actually natural. | ||
| And he got in a big argument with one of those guys. | ||
| The guy was fucking huge. | ||
| He said this guy was ripped and striated and the guy did roids for a long time, but now he's clean. | ||
| And he's like, you got all this from steroids. | ||
| You don't look like a regular person. | ||
| You're huge. | ||
| That came from steroids. | ||
| You just figured out how to keep it naturally. | ||
| But the benefits all came from doing steroids. | ||
| I could see that. | ||
| I mean, I guess most of those guys may have been former steroid users. | ||
| A lot of them. | ||
| I'd have to study up on. | ||
| Well, I think when you're dealing with a sport that essentially requires it at the professional level. | ||
| I mean, bodybuilding requires steroids at the professional level. | ||
| Probably, you know what, they probably do in football, unfortunately. | ||
| Maybe basketball. | ||
| I think you could get by in football if you're some sort of Ray Lewis super athlete type dude. | ||
| I think you can get by naturally. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's just pure speculation on my part. | ||
| I have zero experience in football. | ||
| But I do know some giant dudes who are just naturally giant. | ||
| But you can't get giant like bodybuilder giant. | ||
| You can't get that big. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That's not a natural look. | ||
| That's through synthetic. | ||
| There's only one way. | ||
| There's only one way. | ||
| You can't do it any other way. | ||
| I literally don't even think it's possible. | ||
| I don't want to be that way. | ||
| I just want to... | ||
| Want to look a little fit? | ||
| A little fit. | ||
| I think it's good. | ||
| I stay away from a lot of the supplements because I feel like some of them get me going too much. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| I'm not saying any of these... | ||
| I think if I was to take a testosterone increaser, I don't think it would be good for me. | ||
| You think you would have a problem keeping it together? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Maybe. | ||
| Brian laughs. | ||
| I'd have to start off slow. | ||
| Maybe it would be good for you. | ||
| Maybe part of what makes you a loose cannon is that you don't have enough hormones in your system. | ||
| I'm a loose cannon without it. | ||
| Without it? | ||
| You're just a loose cannon. | ||
| Actually, I'm not a loose cannon. | ||
| I wouldn't say you're a loose cannon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not. | |
| Some people think I am, but no, I'm not a loose cannon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I take that back. | |
| One Twitter outrage or outburst does not a loose cannon make. | ||
| You essentially had a couple of days of manic behavior on Twitter. | ||
| Are you talking about recently or before? | ||
| No, before. | ||
| Yeah, it happened. | ||
| What, did something happen recently? | ||
| Only recently? | ||
| No. | ||
| Like I said, I gave myself that 72 hours because the premiere of the show was coming out. | ||
| And I knew, I'm not even talking about whatever comes next regarding the show. | ||
| Okay, when you say you gave yourself 72 hours, we're going way back to the earlier conversation when you're talking about your hat and your wacky attire. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, that's connected to it, but not totally. | ||
| I get confused, and I'm sure other people are as well. | ||
| I don't think they are. | ||
| For sure they are. | ||
| If I am, I'm not unique in that respect. | ||
| So what you're saying is, you get wacky 72 hours between a day and a half before, a day and a half after, to sort of promote it. | ||
| There's some of that, yes. | ||
| There's some of that, yes. | ||
| So I would say... | ||
| When I say 72 hours, I'm talking about this past Saturday, Sunday, and then Monday. | ||
| Part of Monday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I get to not gloat, but kind of like feel good about it, say thank you to everybody, have emotions, some tears. | ||
| It was a big moment for me. | ||
| Like I said, it doesn't matter what happens after this. | ||
| I don't have to be in another movie. | ||
| My inspiration is not to do the Brody movie like Woody Allen or the Brody sitcom. | ||
| I feel like, you know what? | ||
| That first and second episode, I got enough positivity and stress-relieving. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| And I kind of had an outside feeling going in that might happen. | ||
| So in my head, I gave myself 72 hours. | ||
| So a lot of it before was, you know, thank you, thank you to everybody. | ||
| And after this, I'm going to not have to explain myself. | ||
| I don't have to be, I'm Brody. | ||
| I do this. | ||
| Why are you not laughing? | ||
| I get to like stay in the pocket. | ||
| You mean on stage. | ||
| On stage, mostly. | ||
| So you mean like you'll get your crowd to come see you. | ||
| They'll understand your sense of humor. | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| I think a little bit of that, and I also think maybe creatively in a professional situation, I'm not going to have to... | ||
| I mean, I'm not a me, me, me guy. | ||
| Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| What did you just say? | ||
| What the fuck did you just say? | ||
| You said you're not a me, me, me guy? | ||
| I'm not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Joe, I've done 2,500 audience warm-ups. | ||
| How could I be a me, me, me guy? | ||
| Well, just in every time we have a conversation, it comes back to me, me, me. | ||
| Well, maybe I was in that situation. | ||
| And I know that. | ||
| We could go off to the deepest, darkest recesses of space, and you would go... | ||
| I guarantee you wouldn't. | ||
| I'm not really into space ever since I was a kid. | ||
| Baseball was my thing, and you'll just turn into it. | ||
| Would you say, since the beginning of this podcast today, I've been in a good frame of mind, positive listening? | ||
| Yes, very positive. | ||
| Yeah, because I know I kind of... | ||
| Not necessarily to you. | ||
| I never had to explain myself to you. | ||
| Are you bringing it back to you again? | ||
| Let me just have closure on this. | ||
| I never felt I had to explain myself to you. | ||
| I felt at times I had to explain myself to... | ||
| Others. | ||
| Those people. | ||
| Those fucks. | ||
| Those people. | ||
| Those people who don't understand comics. | ||
| That relieves stress for me, and I think that relieving of stress has kind of carried over to maybe our relationship here today and other things I've done and hopefully to be doing. | ||
| Our relationship here today is different than our relationship for the past decade or so that we've known each other? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| I feel more relaxed. | ||
| And that's not you. | ||
| That's more me. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying. | ||
| So you feel like because of your success, it's alleviated some pressure. | ||
| You feel more better about the future. | ||
| And it's allowed you and enhanced you in all of your dealings, essentially. | ||
| For the 72-hour period, it's allowed me to gloat a little bit. | ||
| You don't need to gloat, man. | ||
| No, I know you're going to say that, Joe. | ||
| How'd you know? | ||
| Because you know me. | ||
| I know you. | ||
| My path is a little different than yours. | ||
| Your path is unique. | ||
| Brian's path is unique. | ||
| Everybody's path is unique. | ||
| Boy, is it unique. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| If you could follow Brian home with a GPS, you'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| It's five in the morning. | ||
| Go home. | ||
| So for that, I gave myself 72 hours to party. | ||
| If you talk about 72 hours one more time, we're going to lose everyone listening to this show. | ||
| Why do you say that? | ||
| Because it's true. | ||
| Say three days. | ||
| People are there enough right now. | ||
| They're filled up with 72 hours. | ||
| They're like, well, this guy shut the fuck up about his 72 hours. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| We just brought up the fact that he brings it back to himself. | ||
| What does he do? | ||
| He brings it back to his 72 hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch. | |
| I'm going to stay so in control today. | ||
| Thank God you don't have a job. | ||
| You ever think about that, buddy? | ||
| That you've made it this far without accident? | ||
| I mean, you've had some warm-up gigs, but now a job job. | ||
| We had to show up at a fucking office and deal with some asshole. | ||
| Did you see this lawsuit that's going on right now where this CEO of this... | ||
| It's actually pretty funny. | ||
| The CEO of Archie Comics allegedly would call all the men that worked the office penises. | ||
| She called everyone penises and she would have these rants where she would scream penis, penis, penis in the staff meetings. | ||
| So these guys are suing her. | ||
| She's being sued for gender discrimination and she says that the suit is baseless. | ||
| She can't be guilty of gender discrimination against employees because white males aren't a protective class. | ||
| They aren't a protected class. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| She's saying that white males don't deserve protection. | ||
| So she, who's probably, I don't know, she might be a feminist, but saying that she could just yell out sexual discrimination from a position of power, being the CEO of a company, terrify her male workers. | ||
| But because they're white men, they can't say shit. | ||
| That is PC thinking run amok. | ||
| That is the very problem with stopping jokes and censorship and all this rape culture bullshit. | ||
| That's the very problem. | ||
| Unequal thinking across the board. | ||
| Where non-guilty people are guilty. | ||
| Do you think she may be doing it on purpose as a joke? | ||
| Because it is Archie Comics. | ||
| You know how many people are probably picking up an Archie Comic now? | ||
| Good call, Brian. | ||
| It's probably the best thing you could ever do if you wanted to sell Archie Comics. | ||
| Who buys those fucking things? | ||
| No shit. | ||
| I mean, I would say that would be brilliant if that's the case, but if it's not the case, she's just another asshole boss. | ||
| You know, being a boss of a group of men is probably really frustrating anyway. | ||
| If you're a woman, you know, especially if any of them are like average men, they're dickheads that don't want to listen to a woman, it's probably a disaster. | ||
| So how does she respond to that? | ||
| She fucking screams at them and calls them all penis. | ||
| It's actually kind of brilliant. | ||
| But this is such ass-backwards thinking. | ||
| That the demonizing of innocent white males has gotten to a point... | ||
| And I don't want to belabor this because I know white males have it easier than anybody in this society. | ||
| There's no doubt about that. | ||
| But just the fact that anybody thinks that they can say that. | ||
| That she can't be guilty of gender discrimination against employees because white males aren't a protected class. | ||
| So what she's inferring is that white males have a surplus... | ||
| You have a bunch of get-out-of-trouble free cards throughout your whole life. | ||
| So because of that, you owe. | ||
| So she can shit on you, ruin your life, ruin your day, call you a penis at work, do whatever the fuck she wants to do, and you have no recourse. | ||
| That's absolutely brilliant. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| There's there's assholes in the world. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| There's there's racists. | ||
| There's homophobes. | ||
| There's misogynists. | ||
| There's misandry. | ||
| There's people that hate men. | ||
| There's people that hate women. | ||
| There's no doubt about it. | ||
| But when you have someone who's yelling out like penis, penis, penis, either it's funny or they're an asshole. | ||
| And you don't know unless you're there. | ||
| And I would imagine if these guys went out of their way, they work at a fucking comics place. | ||
| Allegedly, they have senses of humor. | ||
| If they went that far out of their way to file a fucking lawsuit, that must be a disastrous place to work. | ||
| Archie's Comics? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The accusations are extremely damaging to myself and Archie Comics. | ||
| Archie Comics, to me, stands for high values that are global values. | ||
| Okay, I hate her already. | ||
| I hate anybody who would say that. | ||
| Archie Comics stands for high values. | ||
| They're global values. | ||
| What the fuck does that mean? | ||
| I always thought there was a nice message. | ||
| Because of her global values, she is rarely even in the office. | ||
| I go around the world to promote Archie Comics, she told the Daily News. | ||
| That's what I do. | ||
| According to the employee suit, she also invites Hell's Angels into the office to intimidate employees. | ||
| Okay, this isn't real. | ||
| This is not real. | ||
| Is this off the onion? | ||
| No, it's off Raw Story, which is a real legit website. | ||
| Frequently inquires about the location of a handgun and 750 rounds of ammunition she believes her late husband kept in the office. | ||
| This sounds like horseshit. | ||
| Well, she's got 47 followers on Twitter. | ||
| Holla! | ||
| That's probably all from today. | ||
| All from this raw story. | ||
| In 2011, the other CEO, Jonathan Goldwater, filed a suit against her, claiming that she is unstable and bankrupting the company. | ||
| The case was settled with the parties agreeing to hire a go-between, Samuel Levitin, to facilitate communication between this chick and her employees. | ||
| However, earlier this year, the go-between filed a lawsuit against her, claiming that she had become unhinged and that she needed to be removed. | ||
| I love this lady. | ||
| Oh, you like her? | ||
| She needs a reality show. | ||
| It'd be great. | ||
| Just give her an office full of fucking slumpy, like, doofus-y dudes that she could fucking scream at. | ||
| So you blame the guys for being weak and not standing up to her? | ||
| No. | ||
| They have a job. | ||
| She's an asshole. | ||
| Obviously, she's... | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what she's really like. | ||
| Maybe if I worked there... | ||
| I yelled at people on my show. | ||
| Maybe if I was there... | ||
| Are you bringing it back to yourself again? | ||
| Maybe if I was there, I'd be like... | ||
| I can't even do that. | ||
| Maybe if I was there, I would think, you know, hey, you know, these people don't have a sense of humor, man. | ||
| She's awesome. | ||
| Maybe I would think that it's everybody else. | ||
| I would have to be there to make that judgment call. | ||
| But looking at this, it sounds pretty crazy. | ||
| Bitch sounds nuts. | ||
| She's bringing Hell's Angels into the office to intimidate the employees and frequently inquires about the location of a handgun and 750 rounds of ammunition. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| If that should happen, wouldn't you just go with it? | ||
| If she called you a penis and stuff, you'd be like, oh, well, cunt. | ||
| It seems like she's just inviting to be able to throw things back at her. | ||
| If she had a sense of humor. | ||
| But she's the boss, man. | ||
| Yeah, but she's saying she has that fucking gun. | ||
| I'd be like, oh, I gotta... | ||
| You can't joke about that! | ||
| Yeah, you can't. | ||
| It's not nice to joke about that, but I think... | ||
| The position of a boss like that of a big office where everybody has real strict behavior rules... | ||
| When you're in a big office, everybody's wearing nice clothes. | ||
| They have to dress like they're in an office. | ||
| They'll go in their fucking cubicle of their offices and they get their work. | ||
| It's like a very button-down, controlled, restricted environment in most offices. | ||
| Someone running around yelling, penis, penis, penis... | ||
| I would laugh. | ||
| But if it's the boss and she's calling everybody penises, that makes you feel like shit. | ||
| What country is this? | ||
| This is America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is in New York. | ||
| It's New York. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Maybe she's saying peanuts. | ||
| Oh, buddy. | ||
| I'm trying to put a positive spin on it, Joe. | ||
| I didn't make it about me. | ||
| I don't think there's any positive spin to be had on this one. | ||
| I think... | ||
| It's a pretty hilarious story. | ||
| Have you watched Brody's new show yet? | ||
| Don't bring me up. | ||
| No, I have not. | ||
| Don't bring me up. | ||
| It's actually really good. | ||
| Joe, you're in it, by the way. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| How did I get in it? | ||
| I had Red Band sign your waiver. | ||
| Sweet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you talking about? | |
| I hope it worked out. | ||
| He came into the Ice House once. | ||
| You were good in it. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I mean that. | ||
| Oh, no, thank you. | ||
| You know... | ||
| I mean, I wanted to come on here and say how Joe was one of the first comedians that came up to me and said I was funny. | ||
| Like, I believed it. | ||
| He was a guy who was working. | ||
| You're hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, well, I didn't believe that or feel it. | ||
| How come you didn't believe that? | ||
| I just didn't. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I got my issues. | ||
| But people were laughing. | ||
| You heard people laughing. | ||
| Yeah, but for you, you're one of the early comedians there in 2000 to say, I'm funny. | ||
| You said I was funny and I believed it. | ||
| And then you brought me in to do the warm-up at the man show. | ||
| Dude, you were hilarious in that. | ||
| So that gave me a lot of confidence. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| It's good to hear, man. | ||
| Everybody gets that. | ||
| When you're coming up, you get that boost from somebody that you like. | ||
| Someone comes up to you and tells you that you're funny. | ||
| It's a great boost. | ||
| I always credit Marc Maron when I was an open-miker. | ||
| Maron came up to me once and gave me a compliment. | ||
| And gave me some advice, and I was like, wow. | ||
| For me, it was like, holy shit. | ||
| This guy's a professional, and he's telling me I can do this. | ||
| It's very inspirational when someone comes up to you and gives you some props. | ||
| It lets you know you're doing the right thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it feels like you maybe don't know what the fuck... | ||
| Everybody feels like that in the beginning, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's nice when those little moments happen, and... | ||
| Keep working. | ||
| Keep pushing. | ||
| You don't look for them. | ||
| Just keep doing your stuff. | ||
| One of the most exciting things about life is when you're trying to do something and you don't know if it's going to happen. | ||
| You don't know if it's going to work out. | ||
| One of the most exciting things in life is trying to figure out how to make this so. | ||
| Because even if you have confidence... | ||
| Boy, how much confidence do you really have if it hasn't happened yet? | ||
| You know, you might have real confidence, but it doesn't feel like a reality until all of a sudden, here, Brody, here's your check for doing stand-up comedy. | ||
| And you're like, I'm a professional now, like legitimately. | ||
| And then, here, Brody, you're on Comedy Central now. | ||
| I'm on Comedy Central now, like legitimately. | ||
| Then you could feel it and see it. | ||
| But man, those early days, like the 2000s, 13 years ago today, if you stop and think about it, you were a guy who was, you know... | ||
| Trying to put it together with an uncertain future. | ||
| No one knew. | ||
| You didn't know. | ||
| You were hoping that it would all work out, but it was this thing where you're trying to figure it out and make it work. | ||
| That's so exciting, man. | ||
| It's one of the coolest things about life. | ||
| If you can find more of those things that you could fit in your life where you're not really sure if it's going to work out, the more of those you could fit in, the better. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| You just gotta go for it and follow your instincts. | ||
| Simple. | ||
| Simple. | ||
| You got it. | ||
| No, I didn't come out here knowing what would happen. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I had a couple TV, small little TV. That was something when I did the Craig Kilbourne show. | ||
| What are you playing, Brian? | ||
| Why don't you actually play it then? | ||
| Do it when he's not talking, though. | ||
| You want me to not talk? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, tell me, did you start in Arizona? | ||
| No, I actually, I mean, I took an acting class at Arizona State because I was around baseball so much, which it is kind of a jock world, and, you know, that's cool. | ||
| But then when I had some extra credits, I took an acting class. | ||
| Yeah, people said, hey, Brody, you're funny. | ||
| I never was. | ||
| I never went to the Tempe Improv. | ||
| I never did an open mic. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I just played baseball and went to school. | ||
| And I remember I'd be up in the study hall and a couple of the football players would say, Hey Brody, you're funny. | ||
| You should do stand-up. | ||
| I would make the other, like the volleyball team laugh or the track and field. | ||
| We all studied together. | ||
| So the last year or so, I took an acting class that had credits and it was amazing. | ||
| Fun. | ||
| It was supportive. | ||
| I went in there and it wasn't jocks. | ||
| It was supportive artists and girls and it felt good. | ||
| And I tried to do something serious, but I got laughs and I tried to be serious and I was busting up laughing. | ||
| But I liked the feeling. | ||
| And then when I came back to Los Angeles, I didn't want to get into baseball. | ||
| I just didn't want to be a coach or anything like that. | ||
| And I took one of those comedy classes just to see if I was into just structure to see if I liked it. | ||
| So I was living out in Tarzana and I would drive to UCLA every Tuesday or Wednesday just to do a two or three minute spot and I was excited about doing it. | ||
| It was like, okay, I think it's in me. | ||
| Who was teaching the class? | ||
| Pauly Shore's sister. | ||
| But for me, it didn't matter. | ||
| She never even did stand-up, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She may have. | ||
| What's her name again? | ||
| Sandy Seashore? | ||
| No, Sandy Shore. | ||
| It's not Seashore. | ||
| Yeah, it is Sandy Seashore. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, my goodness. | ||
| Mitzi was so crazy. | ||
| So she actually, she helped me and it gave me that structure and then I did one open mic. | ||
| So it did help you? | ||
| It did help me. | ||
| What did you get out of it? | ||
| Like, I've never heard of anybody doing a comedy class. | ||
| What did I get out of it? | ||
| Where they got anything out of it other than just getting on stage, you got something out of that. | ||
| The three things I got out of it were one, um... | ||
| People thought it was funny. | ||
| It made me feel like it didn't matter about my jokes. | ||
| They thought it was funny. | ||
| So I got that out of it. | ||
| I learned to make it visual. | ||
| I did learn some basic stuff about comedy, making it visual. | ||
| People told me I was funny between my jokes. | ||
| My jokes were okay, but it was funny when I got frustrated when my jokes wouldn't work. | ||
| So they liked that. | ||
| They like the fact that, like I said, make it visual. | ||
| And then I did my graduating class at the Comedy Store in the OR. It was packed and I did it. | ||
| I did pretty good. | ||
| I felt like a comedian. | ||
| And then I did one open mic out in Chatsworth and it was awesome. | ||
| Not a disaster, but it was desperate. | ||
| I felt like, hey, I went from being liked at the OR at the Comedy Store. | ||
| I'm a comedian now. | ||
| And so I went to that open mic and it was just, I could feel the desperation. | ||
| And I just knew that this isn't the route I want to go. | ||
| And I wanted to learn more about comedy. | ||
| So I took a business of comedy class. | ||
| And in that class, the instructor told me, get out of Los Angeles. | ||
| Don't start here. | ||
| Who was that instructor? | ||
| Danny Robinson. | ||
| He's an APA. He's an agent. | ||
| So I just learned about comedy, contracts, what comedians make doing a spot around town. | ||
| He told you to get out of LA? Why? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go to a smaller market. | ||
| Go find your voice there. | ||
| Don't worry about having a bad set or so-and-so is going to see you. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I would have agreed with that up until recently. | ||
| This is 1993. Yeah, but I would have agreed with that advice. | ||
| And I've given that advice before, but I don't think it's necessary anymore. | ||
| I think L.A. has such a strong open mic community, too. | ||
| There's so many comedians coming up in L.A. and there's so many different places to do stand-up. | ||
| I think it's just as good a place as any to do comedy. | ||
| And I think that guys really... | ||
| The significance of the club itself, being on stage at a club and getting seen, is not nearly as much as it used to be. | ||
| What's more important now is the internet, is the fact that guys get famous from Philly, they get famous from New York, they get famous from everywhere. | ||
| You don't have to be in front of a specific group of people who can decide whether or not to put you on television. | ||
| Just put your shit up online. | ||
| And because of that, because of phones, recording sets, so many people's shows are getting online too. | ||
| People are getting to see the development of material. | ||
| If they want to look for it, they can find cell phone videos of all of us on a regular basis. | ||
| You do a weekend at a club, you do five shows, someone's going to put a fucking video online. | ||
| I mean, I think I'm glad I went to Seattle. | ||
| This is basically pre-internet because it taught me about the three-person show. | ||
| It taught me about the emcee, the guest host, the opener, the closer, clearing out the audience, how you sat the audience. | ||
| I worked there as well. | ||
| Where'd you work at? | ||
| This is that Comedy Underground up in Seattle. | ||
| Great club. | ||
| Yeah, so I would see, you know, Pat Noswell, Large Barker. | ||
| Didn't they have the Comedy Underground and there was another one that was run by like a Mormon or something like that? | ||
| That was Giggles by Terry Taylor ran that room. | ||
| And I would do that room as well. | ||
| Was he very religious or something? | ||
| Who was the guy who got up in front of Robert Schimmel and like apologized for his set? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just know that Terry Taylor is or was Mormon. | ||
| Yeah, it might have been him. | ||
| And he ran giggles in Seattle near the university there. | ||
| There was this famous story where a guy got up in front of Schimmel and like apologized for his set before he did it. | ||
| Because remember, Schimmel was really hilarious but really dirty. | ||
| And he went up before him. | ||
| Was Schimmel or Bobby Slayton? | ||
| I'm not sure which one, but it was just an outrage through the comedy community. | ||
| Like, you hired this guy. | ||
| Like, why are you apologizing for him? | ||
| The people came to see him. | ||
| Like, why are you apologizing for him? | ||
| You knew what he did, and you hired him, and the people paid to see him, and he apologized before he brought the guy up. | ||
| Oh, before? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, I apologize that this guy may be dirty and it doesn't fit our value system here? | ||
| Well, this is the alleged story. | ||
| Well, they don't know. | ||
| This is what I had heard. | ||
| No, by people who were there. | ||
| What do you mean they don't know? | ||
| I mean, it was a big story that spread, and I remember I talked about it on the radio once, and the guy said he didn't censor comedians, and he invited me to come down to the club, but I never wound up doing it. | ||
| I did the underground, though. | ||
| Yeah, it's a good club, low ceiling, all that. | ||
| I mean, Joe, what would you... | ||
| So you would say to a comedian today in 2013, here, say, in Los Angeles, somebody comes up to you and goes, Joe, I'm a stand-up, I'm doing open mics here in L.A. You know, he wants to be a stand-up. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| You know, what would you say to a... | ||
| Or she, what would you say to a comedian like that? | ||
| Go hang out at the comedy store. | ||
| You really would say that? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| That's what Ari Shaffir did. | ||
| See, I wouldn't say that. | ||
| Especially not now. | ||
| Especially not now, because they cut the open mics to one day now. | ||
| Well, that's retarded. | ||
| That's retarded on their behalf, because that was one of the greatest things about the comedy store, is how much emphasis they put into developing talent. | ||
| I mean, very few clubs have two nights of open mic nights. | ||
| They fucked up if they did that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But I'm not surprised. | ||
| They've been fucking up left and right with a lot of different decisions. | ||
| But even when they had two open mics, I don't know how many comedian... | ||
| It's off the street. | ||
| A guy who drove here from Kansas City and goes, I want to be a comedian. | ||
| I'm going to hang out at the store. | ||
| I mean, those are few and far between, I think. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| No, I think guys have made it out of L.A. a lot more over the last 10 years than you'd imagine. | ||
| A lot of guys started out in L.A. A lot of guys started their stand-up career doing open mics in L.A. and then went on to have legit careers like Ari does. | ||
| Ari started it all in L.A. He's a legit stand-up guy. | ||
| Okay, that's one guy. | ||
| That's an exception to the rule, I would think. | ||
| I don't know about that, man. | ||
| I think it's possible. | ||
| No, there's a lot of guys who started out in LA. Caparulo did start. | ||
| Caparulo started. | ||
| There's another one. | ||
| There's a lot of guys who started out in LA. There's a lot of goddamn clubs, man. | ||
| Think about how many fucking clubs are just within an hour and a half, two hours of here. | ||
| This is unprecedented. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Comedy Magic Club, the Improv, the Comedy Store, the Laugh Factory. | ||
| Ontario. | ||
| Ha Ha Club. | ||
| Yeah, Ontario, Brea, Irvine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You can go on and on and on. | ||
| But it's still hard to get into those clubs. | ||
| Ice House. | ||
| It's hard to get into those clubs. | ||
| That's why you've got to go maybe to, I'm not going to say a Boise, but go to a Seattle, go to a Minnesota, even go to a Chicago. | ||
| You don't think it's hard to get into those clubs? | ||
| I think it's easier to get on stage in front of a decent situation as a newer comedian with a crowd in Chicago or possibly even New York, maybe Austin, possibly. | ||
| Possibly Minnesota. | ||
| Seattle. | ||
| Denver's getting a scene. | ||
| Denver has a scene. | ||
| They've had a scene for years. | ||
| They have a serious scene. | ||
| So I think there's spots there where you can play those, you know, the self-promoting rooms, and you have to build up and get a buzz going. | ||
| And then come out and play some more rooms. | ||
| That was always my philosophy. | ||
| No, you definitely can do it that way. | ||
| You definitely can do it, obviously. | ||
| Many people have done that. | ||
| What I'm saying is, I don't know if you have to anymore. | ||
| I think L.A. is not a bad place to do it. | ||
| I think there are enough diversity in the rooms. | ||
| Like, you've got your hipster rooms, you've got your blue-collar rooms, you've got your tourist rooms. | ||
| What's your blue-collar rooms? | ||
| Okay, I threw that in. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What would be a blue-collar room? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ontario? | |
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've been playing a Dutch. | ||
| Saddle Ranch doesn't do comedy anymore, do they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They still do it? | ||
| At the Universal. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| At Universal? | ||
| Not the one on Sunset? | ||
| No. | ||
| They do comedy at the Saddle Ranch at Universal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've done it there a bunch. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| How many different places have comedy at Universal? | ||
| There's the Lovett's Club? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're doing stand-up again there, right? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| No more podcasts. | ||
| It was like a podcast place for a while. | ||
| They do podcasts now also. | ||
| The girl from D from Improv now runs it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She runs that place now. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| That's a weird place to get to. | ||
| Shit's annoying. | ||
| Go through the fucking parking and all that nonsense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And find it. | ||
| They do have that thing now, though, where you can valet your car and then they'll pay for the valet or something. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Then someone's farting in your seats and checking your glove box. | ||
| Yeah, I got a dent from my valet. | ||
| Do you think they do that? | ||
| Of course they do that. | ||
| Do you feel because it's you, they go out of their way to do it? | ||
| I don't know what the fuck they do. | ||
| It depends on the individual, obviously. | ||
| But when I worked for a car wash, I drove people's cars. | ||
| I know they do it. | ||
| I know they get inside their car. | ||
| They look around. | ||
| I know they do it. | ||
| I did it. | ||
| Everybody does it. | ||
| You get into someone's car and you're like, what's in here? | ||
| But are they taking stuff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For sure. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| Some people. | ||
| I mean, I'm not saying at Universal they do, but a friend of mine just got his sunglasses stolen out of his car. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| He put them on the front seat, went to where the fuck he went, came back out, said, where's my sunglasses? | ||
| And they played stupid. | ||
| And he's like, hey man, I put them right here. | ||
| Like, I'm not stupid. | ||
| Stealing's a sin. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I know another person who had a little portable navigation system underneath their seat that got stolen. | ||
| It's a sin. | ||
| But it happens all the time. | ||
| I know, but... | ||
| What's worse than that or fucking your sister? | ||
| Having sex with your sister. | ||
| That's worse. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| There's no victim there. | ||
| I've never done it. | ||
| But if your sister wants it, you want it. | ||
| I've thought about that. | ||
| I will go to my grave saying, I've never had sex with my sister. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Yeah, there's some things you want to keep off the resume. | ||
| Yeah, that would be wonderful. | ||
| Yeah, you don't even want to do it and then go, well, that was a mistake. | ||
| Never do that again. | ||
| Because you can't really erase it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Which is kind of fucked, man. | ||
| Because isn't learning one of the most important parts of life? | ||
| Shouldn't you be allowed to fuck up? | ||
| But there's certain fuck-ups you can't make. | ||
| You can't be like, you know, baby, I want to marry you. | ||
| I want to marry you too. | ||
| But I got to tell you this one thing. | ||
| I know this is not going to change anything because we're meant to be with each other, but I fucked my cousin. | ||
| Your wife's going to be like, what? | ||
| Why'd you fuck your cousin? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Which cousin? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The guy. | |
| How far? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, wait, whoa. | |
| How far? | ||
| I fucked my cousin Mike. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| How far? | ||
| Is it a first cousin or is it a... | ||
| Yeah, you have to be a first cousin. | ||
| If it's your second cousin, well, if it's gay sex, I think no one's going to be happy with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, you're saying... | |
| Your wife's not going to be happy that you fucked your cousin. | ||
| That was a joke, Brody. | ||
| But if it's straight sex... | ||
| It raised my antlers. | ||
| If it's straight sex... | ||
| If it's straight sex, I think the second cousin is actually legal. | ||
| You can not only fuck him, you can marry him, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jerry Lee Lewis did that, didn't he? | ||
| Well, you can marry your first cousin. | ||
| Can I ask you a question, Joe? | ||
| You're not supposed to. | ||
| It's been on my mind, and I know you probably don't want to talk about it because it was brought up. | ||
| Well, thanks for bringing it up on the internet. | ||
| Well, it was brought up. | ||
| Well, I'm just being real. | ||
| It was brought up. | ||
| I think you were uneasy with it. | ||
| It was in an Ice House Chronicle. | ||
| Um... | ||
| Why would you bring it up again? | ||
| Well, because I heard Joe talked about gay sex. | ||
| Like, I have to make it clear I'm not into that. | ||
| Oh, why do you have to make that clear? | ||
| Because I get hassled for it sometimes. | ||
| It goes back to you again, Brody. | ||
| Notice. | ||
| It's going back to him and gay sex. | ||
| Apparently you can have sex with your cousin. | ||
| It's legal. | ||
| What happens if your cousins are transsexual? | ||
| Then it's even more legal. | ||
| Depends. | ||
| If you're telling someone who writes for Salon, you're in. | ||
| I've had a few girls that have been attracted to their cousins, but they always use the excuse they're not blood-related. | ||
| Well then, yeah, that's not real. | ||
| I wouldn't have sex with a relative. | ||
| Just not into it. | ||
| But I think people have done it throughout history. | ||
| I think it's kind of sick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| What if you don't see them that often? | ||
| I just think it's sick. | ||
| I think incest is a sickening thing. | ||
| And I'm sorry it's happened to some young girls or kids or whatever. | ||
| It's a sickening thing. | ||
| What if it's a cousin that you really enjoy? | ||
| I think a cousin is too close. | ||
| But what if, look, what if that cousin is the perfect person for you? | ||
| What if, you know, it doesn't make sense, but you know what? | ||
| The heart wants what it wants, Brody. | ||
| It shouldn't. | ||
| That's not normal. | ||
| How much are you bothered by the fact that the main character on Homeland has your name? | ||
| I don't bother. | ||
| Should I be? | ||
| Should I be crazy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Because when they call him Brody on the show, I'm like, that's not Brody. | ||
| That's all you think of. | ||
| No, Brody's you. | ||
| Maybe the guy who wrote it saw my name and thought about me. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's all about me. | ||
| But no, it doesn't bother me. | ||
| Good. | ||
| So, apparently, not only can you have sex with your cousin, but you can have a kid with your cousin. | ||
| That's disgusting! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My cousin's pretty hot. | ||
| Apparently, even having sex with your sister is not nearly as dangerous as far as producing kids with health risks. | ||
| There's no real health risk posed by having sex with your cousins. | ||
| What's the percentage with sister? | ||
| It's probably not good, but it depends on how much the genes... | ||
| I mean, look, the idea is that your sister and you come from your mother and your father. | ||
| There's already some divergence in genetics, a mixture of those. | ||
| Obviously, your mother's side is from different. | ||
| But if your parents were cousins... | ||
| And then you fucked your sister and had a kid. | ||
| That's dipping into the same pool a little too much. | ||
| Which is probably something that was really common back in the day. | ||
| Like, especially with... | ||
| Pre-internet, yeah. | ||
| No, with royalty. | ||
| Royal people, like royal blood, that's like one of the inside jokes. | ||
| These fucking closed eyes, their eyes be that close to each other, they look all fucking weird. | ||
| It's because they're fucking in the same genetic pool all the time. | ||
| To have royal blood... | ||
| I love royal blood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be kind of cool. | |
| It makes sense why so many of them were fucking insane. | ||
| You know, you think about how many crazy things that kings and queens did. | ||
| Not just the power itself, but the fact that they were inbred. | ||
| Probably has something to do with it. | ||
| A lot of Amish, I bet, are inbred. | ||
| And a lot of people in, like, West Virginia. | ||
| You shouldn't say that. | ||
| They're going to come get you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You been shitting on the Amish there, Red Bam. | |
| You don't know nothing. | ||
| You don't know how to fire up a barn. | ||
| You don't know how to make your own barn. | ||
| You're not even a man. | ||
| I love the fact that the Amish get a chance to go fucking crazy after they become an adult. | ||
| It's called like Rumpelstiltskin or some shit. | ||
| They do? | ||
| What do you mean they get to go crazy? | ||
| Rump Springer. | ||
| Rump Springer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They get to use electricity? | ||
| They get to fuck. | ||
| They get to do drugs. | ||
| Aren't they messed up? | ||
| I see those Amish shows. | ||
| They seem like they do have problems. | ||
| I think you're really generalizing, sir. | ||
| I've seen the Amish shows. | ||
| My healthy Amish friends would like that, that you're generalizing. | ||
| Aren't they fucked up? | ||
| I said on this show, I didn't say the F word, and I said just that show. | ||
| You didn't say fucked up? | ||
| Did I, Brian? | ||
| I believe you did. | ||
| They seem messed up. | ||
| They seem fucked up. | ||
| We'll rewind the tape. | ||
| I don't think I said the F word. | ||
| I don't think you said messed up. | ||
| That wouldn't sound right. | ||
| You're a grown man. | ||
| These things... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What's the matter? | ||
| I think more and more people... | ||
| I don't think I said the F word. | ||
| I think more and more people are not going back after the Rumpelstiltskins. | ||
| It's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Rumpspringa, also spelled Rumpspring-I-N-G-E or Rumpspringa. | ||
| Hmm, that's the same thing. | ||
| Oh, S-H. Springa. | ||
| Is a period of adolescence where some members of the Amish community... | ||
| During which a youth temporarily leaves the community to experience life in the outside world. | ||
| Just sucking cock. | ||
| Are they allowed to do that? | ||
| Yeah, they're going off, man. | ||
| They're allowed to, and then they decide whether they come back or they don't come back. | ||
| So they're allowed to go out and have sex, these girls? | ||
| This is fascinating. | ||
| This is something I didn't know. | ||
| The Amish is a subsect of the Anabaptist Christian movement, which I think was originally started by Martin Luther in the 1500s. | ||
| There's a... | ||
| Fucking amazing podcast by Dan Carlin, a hardcore history podcast on Martin Luther and the Anabaptists and all these people that... | ||
| It was back in the time where they first learned how to interpret the Bible and put it in a form that was phonetic, where a regular person could read it. | ||
| Because apparently, before the 1500s, you really couldn't read the Bible. | ||
| You had to learn about it from a priest. | ||
| And if you were one of those rare people that spoke Latin and read Latin... | ||
| Then you could read it, but I mean, it wasn't like available to the public. | ||
| These were like sacred texts. | ||
| Like the idea that you get a Bible in every hotel room, you know, when you're on the road. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Almost every hotel room. | ||
| The Gideons. | ||
| I mean, they had the old Bill Hicks book about... | ||
| Anybody ever seen a Gideon? | ||
| I'm going to capture a Gideon. | ||
| He did a bit about... | ||
| Like setting a trap and calling the hotel. | ||
| My room doesn't seem to have a Bible in it. | ||
| You think you could send someone up? | ||
| That he was going to capture Gideon. | ||
| But back then, before Martin Luther translated the Bible into a phonetic form, people had no idea what the fuck was in that book. | ||
| They just had to listen to these asshole priests tell him. | ||
| And then once he did that, people wanted to kill him. | ||
| It was like this huge... | ||
| Change of philosophy for the whole Christian culture. | ||
| Because people started reading it to the Bible themselves. | ||
| And there's all these interpretations of it and shit. | ||
| But I didn't know that the subsect, that Amish was a subsect of that. | ||
| I wonder what the fuck happened that they decided not to have electricity. | ||
| Like, what's that about? | ||
| It probably teaches... | ||
| I don't want to say family values, but you really have to rely on each other and go out there and hunt for food. | ||
| Do they hunt, though? | ||
| Cut it up raw. | ||
| I don't know how they eat. | ||
| Well, I mean, I'm sure some of them may hunt, but I think their whole thing is farming, right? | ||
| Yeah, they're farming vegetables, kale, maybe apples. | ||
| They ride bicycles, right? | ||
| Did you ever see that Amish Mafia show? | ||
| That was a fascinating one, but the movie on Rump Springer was the best. | ||
| That was one that got pretty real. | ||
| What the fuck is that movie? | ||
| They also had that reality show with the Amish kids. | ||
| Oh, was it Kingpin? | ||
| Yeah, but there was a movie. | ||
| What was the fucking movie? | ||
| Kingpin was good, yeah. | ||
| It was Amish. | ||
| No, yeah, Kingpin was hilarious. | ||
| Devil's Playground, that's the one. | ||
| It's a documentary. | ||
| You want the 2010 one. | ||
| Or no, shit. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| There's a lot of different versions of it. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Devil's Playground. | ||
| They've done like... | ||
| Why do people keep calling it Devil's Playground, you fucks? | ||
| You guys are ruining everything. | ||
| There's so many Devil's Playgrounds. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| How can you keep calling it Devil's Playground? | ||
| Look at this, Devil's Playground, 1928, an Australian silent film. | ||
| 1937, an American drama. | ||
| 1946, a drama. | ||
| 1976. Comedy. | ||
| An Australian semi-autobiography. | ||
| 2002, a documentary about the Amish. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
| That's the one you want. | ||
| Devil's Playground, 2002, a documentary by Lucy Walker about the Amish period called Rump Springer. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| And what I thought was really fascinating about it is you see the confusion in these kids. | ||
| They get this weird break. | ||
| They get this weird break and they just want to fuck and drink and they smoke cigarettes and get crazy and use electricity. | ||
| I'm going to go check my local bread box. | ||
| Is that a joke? | ||
| For this? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| For this? | ||
| Yeah, I thought about for 20 seconds, should I say it? | ||
| When I should say it? | ||
| If you're thinking about it, you're losing the magic, Brody Stevens. | ||
| I don't have to tell you that. | ||
| Steven Brody Stevens, you know the rules. | ||
| Think about it too much, lose the magic. | ||
| Who are you, David Copperfield? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Lance Bass. | ||
| There's Amish porn to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think they're really Amish. | ||
| I don't think you're allowed to fuck in front of a camera if you're Amish. | ||
| I think it steals your soul. | ||
| Or is that Indians? | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| Asian, I thought. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Asian, you're not allowed to see the vagina. | ||
| You're not allowed to see pubic hair or the genitals. | ||
| They blur all that out. | ||
| Why would you? | ||
| Why would you want to see genitals? | ||
| I hear it doesn't look weird. | ||
| Or it does look weird. | ||
| Are you being racist? | ||
| No, I'm positive energy. | ||
| I go to Panda Express. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He's had some pixelation in his mouth from a man. | ||
| I have not, and that's not correct. | ||
| Brian, take that back. | ||
| If you don't take that back, that's going to get out there. | ||
| That has never, ever happened, and I never, ever want to do that. | ||
| It's out there. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's too late. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's out there. | |
| You just put it out there. | ||
| What is this 10% you keep saying? | ||
| Why do you keep saying 10%? | ||
| Well... | ||
| Why does Brian keep saying 10%? | ||
| It's a running joke based in truth. | ||
| I had some issues. | ||
| I had some situations in my life, and I like to put numbers on things. | ||
| And based on these factors and experiences and thought processes, we came to the number of 10% gay. | ||
| I'm open with it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did you just say? | |
| I don't understand what you just said. | ||
| What you just said was a statement that would really work if everybody knew what you were saying. | ||
| But I don't know what you're saying. | ||
| So what you're saying is a 10% gay, I'm open with it. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Does that mean you're 10% gay? | ||
| I came out on my podcast probably like six months ago. | ||
| You came out 10%? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What's so funny? | ||
| Is there any beers in there, Jamie? | ||
| Go get me a beer. | ||
| You need a beer on this one? | ||
| Yeah, this is gonna get ridiculous. | ||
| No, we don't have to talk about it, Joe. | ||
| Hand that ashtray over this way, too. | ||
| An ashtray? | ||
| Joe needs a beer and an ashtray. | ||
| Yeah, I need a cigar. | ||
| A cigar? | ||
| And it's also based on when you were in the Philippines or Taiwan, wasn't it? | ||
| Yeah, that factored in, too. | ||
| Joe, did you know any of this story? | ||
| I heard rumors online, but since I love Brody like a brother, since we are brothers in the art of stand-up comedy, since we are old-school comedy store brethren, we're old-school, bro. | ||
| You and I? We go back. | ||
| How many fun times have we had in that place? | ||
| Tons. | ||
| I mean, a lot, those early 2000s. | ||
| You had one set one night, it wasn't at the Comedy Store, but at the Improv, that I always tell people about a turn-a-room-around moment. | ||
| There was a moment where you were on stage where... | ||
| You were headed to the stage. | ||
| It was at the improv. | ||
| It was a late night set. | ||
| It was really late night. | ||
| And the crowd was just about fucking done. | ||
| They had seen a couple of scrubs before you. | ||
| A couple people went on before you that just didn't fucking, just couldn't pull it off. | ||
| You know, there's a totally different energy in those late night audiences. | ||
| But all those sets that you had done at the comedy store where you beat on the drums on the chairs, Brody would bring chairs on stage and drumsticks and pound on the chairs and just change the energy of the audience. | ||
| Make it like this thing where you could feel the energy again. | ||
| You took your shirt off and you started swinging it over your head and you were like cheerleading in the crowd. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| It's me! | ||
| It's Steven Brody Stevens! | ||
| This is the last... | ||
| Let's do it! | ||
| Yeah, let's do it! | ||
| You had music playing. | ||
| It was fucking fun, man. | ||
| I remember that night. | ||
| I had played drumsticks on the metal railings. | ||
| Yeah, you know, I just try to have fun, and the improv is a good place for me to open up, and, you know, you read a room sometimes, and you gotta pick it up. | ||
| Sometimes you're gonna sacrifice your jokes, but then it's like, depends, like, when you're hosting or whatever, but that was a fun set. | ||
| You know, it's having fun matters. | ||
| It does, and that's why you should tell us about what happened in Thailand. | ||
| Well, it wasn't fun. | ||
| It was... | ||
| You enjoyed it. | ||
| No. | ||
| To completion? | ||
| Everybody... | ||
| People hung out. | ||
| You know, it's... | ||
| The cops come, fucking buildings on fire, bodies everywhere. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| People hung out. | ||
| Look, without giving too much away, we do explain it in my show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um... | |
| When you go to Bangkok... | ||
| Are you going to leave us hanging here? | ||
| No, I'll tell you, but I don't want to give it away because if people see it on the show, you get a big audience. | ||
| They'll see it on the show again. | ||
| Well, I don't want to give it away. | ||
| Trust me, this is a puzzling case. | ||
| People are going to want to examine this from every angle. | ||
| They're going to want to find out. | ||
| I guarantee you the amount of people that download that Ice House Chronicles where you brought this up, they're going to go through the roof. | ||
| What number, Brian? | ||
| 42? | ||
| He doesn't know. | ||
| Figure it out. | ||
| Google it. | ||
| Okay, all I'm saying is I went to Bangkok. | ||
| We had fun. | ||
| You go to an area where they have all these different bars, and they have the get-togethers, the ping-pong balls, the young Vietnamese girls who will sit next to you for a Coca-Cola, that kind of thing. | ||
| You watch them dance. | ||
| They'll dance for you. | ||
| They'll sit by your side. | ||
| They smell good. | ||
| Sometimes they're topless. | ||
| If you really want to be with them, you can spend the money, and it's actually not that much. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| I want to say that. | ||
| So they have a few areas like that. | ||
| A lot of the Westerners hang out and go there. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Simple. | ||
| Simple. | ||
| It's simple. | ||
| And then you go upstairs... | ||
| And then it's a little different. | ||
| You're getting a little like, whoa, that looks a little different in there. | ||
| The bone structure is interesting, but I see some other people dancing. | ||
| And then there's this one club that you go in and it's like, I guess, the best one up there. | ||
| And it's just, they're having a party. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| The girls look... | ||
| Like girls, but you can tell like maybe some are guys, I guess, but it was one of these ladyboy bars and we're hanging out there having fun and they'll, you know, they will touch you. | ||
| They're very forward. | ||
| They will touch your leg, but they look like girls. | ||
| They smell like girls. | ||
| They look like girls. | ||
| They've had the treatments and you're sitting there and you're alone by yourself. | ||
| You're in Bangkok. | ||
| You're working on Hangover 2. They touch, and it's normal to get aroused. | ||
| And it was interesting, and I knew I was 16 hours away, time zone from America. | ||
| And I know comedians have gone down to Brazil or Thailand. | ||
| There's a whole history of it. | ||
| So... | ||
| I didn't really pursue it there, but I thought about it, and then maybe I came back on another night. | ||
| I go, you know, people thought I was gay. | ||
| You said maybe? | ||
| No, you came back, right? | ||
| Well, I was there for like two weeks in Thailand. | ||
| Why are you saying maybe I came back? | ||
| Because now you're making the story confusing. | ||
| Okay, well, one more. | ||
| I came back another night. | ||
| I said maybe I will come back. | ||
| You saw what you said. | ||
| There's a reason why I stopped you. | ||
| I don't want this to be fiction. | ||
| I mean, at that point, I'm probably 3% gay, and that's based off getting picked on as a kid. | ||
| Like, Brody, you walk like a girl. | ||
| Do you understand, Joe? | ||
| Growing up in Tarzana, I got picked on a lot. | ||
| Are you saying that someone can make you homosexual by, if they picked on you enough, 3% would be 100%? | ||
| No, 3% wouldn't make it 100, but if somebody is a child, you're in third grade, and there's a group of girls or even guys who go, oh, look at Brody, how he walks. | ||
| He looks like he's gay. | ||
| You walk like a gay kid. | ||
| You're always smiling. | ||
| And it was like I was a nice kid, and then I guess because I have a tilted pelvis, I walked weird, and I got picked on for that. | ||
| So I always felt like, wow, I guess I think I'm gay. | ||
| Maybe I'm... | ||
| Guess I'm gay. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| So is this like the secret? | ||
| Is this the power of suggestion? | ||
| Is that one of those things? | ||
| It's a power of being bullied. | ||
| So being bullied can turn you homosexual. | ||
| 3%. | ||
| 3%, yes. | ||
| If they're saying it, if enough people are saying, Brody, if I saw myself walk, if I sat and I saw myself walk, I would think, this guy walks a little gay. | ||
| Well, if you... | ||
| If you think that, why wouldn't you change your walk? | ||
| I tried. | ||
| I tried to get a lift in my shoe. | ||
| A lift in your shoe? | ||
| Which side is tilted? | ||
| Which one's down, which one's up? | ||
| I think my right shoulder. | ||
| You think? | ||
| I'll show it to you. | ||
| Do you know for sure? | ||
| Did you go to a voodoo doctor? | ||
| It's not a voodoo. | ||
| It's almost like a chiropractor. | ||
| A chiropractor. | ||
| This is like a physical thing. | ||
| Chiropractors are a lot like voodoo doctors. | ||
| There's a lot of chiropractors that just fucking move your neck around and take your money. | ||
| Not a lot going on. | ||
| I've been to good chiropractors, and I've been to chiropractors when you're like, what just happened? | ||
| Did I just give that guy $60 to rub my neck for 15 seconds? | ||
| That's what it feels like. | ||
| Oh, I'm going to adjust your anterior posture, your C7. They'll throw some terms at you that are completely unnecessary and very verbose and long, and then they'll crack your neck real quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crack, crack! | |
| And it kind of feels good. | ||
| I love when they crack the neck. | ||
| Yeah, it kind of feels good when they crack your neck, but I'm not sure if it works. | ||
| It relieves like a relief. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| I do that. | ||
| Sometimes it does. | ||
| Some guys are doing good at it, but sometimes it's like, what just happened there? | ||
| I'd like to get a chiropractic massage. | ||
| That would be good. | ||
| From a dude? | ||
| Take care of myself. | ||
| I don't care if it's a guy chiropractor. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'll take a female masseuse. | ||
| You don't like guy misogies? | ||
| I would take it like a sports massage, but not for a baseball team. | ||
| Like, hey, Brody, we're hanging out with the baseball players. | ||
| Here's a masseuse. | ||
| Yeah, if you get a massage from a dude, you want the lights to be on, you want like fucking Motley Crue playing in the background. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's got to be in the mall. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want any scented candles or fucking harp music. | ||
| You know who gives great massages is a Jesus of Hollywood. | ||
| Yeah, he's the best. | ||
| What's that mean? | ||
| Kevin. | ||
| Kevin. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Hollywood Jesus. | ||
| You ever seen that guy that walks around Hollywood that looks like Jesus? | ||
| His name's Kevin Light. | ||
| No, I haven't seen them, I don't think. | ||
| There was a bunch of guys a long time ago. | ||
| I might be confusing them. | ||
| Remember the religious group that used to walk up and down Sunset? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| A guy would have a cross-trap. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is different. | ||
| Different guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This guy's actually cool. | ||
| He actually was like a... | ||
| They would park in front of the comedy store and argue with comedians. | ||
| I remember Ari Shapiro got in this huge argument with them because they started quoting the Bible and they were saying shit that's not in there. | ||
| And Ari was like... | ||
| It's not even in there. | ||
| You don't know the Bible. | ||
| You're just talking. | ||
| Go away. | ||
| We don't want to hear it. | ||
| Ari read the Talmud 12 hours a day for years. | ||
| Yeah, he knows that stuff. | ||
| He went on religious retreat. | ||
| Ari was insanely religious. | ||
| I don't remember exactly what the fucking person was saying. | ||
| I just remember those guys moving around. | ||
| They were like blonde kids from a church. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| And they had to cross. | ||
| There was a black kid, too. | ||
| There was a black kid who was always with them, too. | ||
| We ran them out. | ||
| They were always so lost. | ||
| We ran them out. | ||
| They were so lost. | ||
| Here's actually Kevin right here. | ||
| It's the Hollywood Jesus. | ||
| He's a really nice guy. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| And he gives male massages. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| In the public? | ||
| Yeah, at the comedy store. | ||
| We'll sit on a chair. | ||
| We'll take the tension out. | ||
| He's good. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| He goes to everybody, and he is the best. | ||
| He will separate your muscles from your bones. | ||
| Why doesn't he start a business? | ||
| He probably could. | ||
| We'll help him out. | ||
| We'll promote it. | ||
| Is this guy a homeless guy or is he a regular dude? | ||
| Regular dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Regular dude. | |
| What does he do for a living? | ||
| I don't know exactly, but he lives a normal life. | ||
| Isn't it funny that you have to ask? | ||
| Because when you hear guys like a Hollywood Jesus, it's like a homeless dude, probably. | ||
| You don't assume that it's a guy who's got his shit together, who just likes dressing up as Jesus. | ||
| I think he does it for his mother. | ||
| His mother was really religious, and so to honor her, he just wants to make people happy. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That sounds good. | ||
| If I was going to write a comic book about the dude, that's what I would say. | ||
| I would make that his story. | ||
| That's a good angle. | ||
| Yeah, that would be the inside background story. | ||
| If I was to do like a Wolverine Origins on him, I would say it was his mother. | ||
| He promised to his mother, mother, I'll remain religious. | ||
| And little did he realize that as he was dressing up like Jesus Christ, he had Jesus Christ type powers. | ||
| He found them because his mother wanted him to dress up like that. | ||
| Well, he does, honestly, he does have Jesus-like qualities, if you want to look at it that way. | ||
| He's really giving. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| He's smart. | ||
| He's supportive. | ||
| He is a good soul. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Can you imagine if we found out that clothes like that give you powers? | ||
| If you wear a certain cloak, there's a certain material that you wear that allows you to read people's minds, see the contents of a person's soul, Brody Stevens. | ||
| Can you see my soul? | ||
| Like a ladyboy outfit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Thanks, Brian. | ||
| So anyway, you go back to this place, and you're pretty much aware that you're hanging out with lady boys. | ||
| At this point, I'm 5% gay, and that's due to things in college, due to comments. | ||
| How did you go from 3 to 5, like, immediately? | ||
| The smell? | ||
| Do you want to give me a real number so we can fucking move on with confidence? | ||
| Joe, I'm factoring in the bullying-ness. | ||
| I'm factoring in some baseball stuff. | ||
| Am I bullying you? | ||
| Because I don't want to be a part of the future. | ||
| No, you're not. | ||
| You're not bullying me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| You know I love you, right? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I went there, let's say 6% gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Six? | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| By the end of this story, we're going to be at 86%. | ||
| I went to Bangkok 6% gay. | ||
| And I go, you know what? | ||
| I'm in Bangkok. | ||
| Let me push it to the limit and see what happens. | ||
| And if I like it, I'm into it. | ||
| Or if it humiliates me, no one's around. | ||
| This is my big opportunity. | ||
| And I really didn't do that much. | ||
| And I had the chance. | ||
| And I didn't do that much. | ||
| You said you got to Bangkok. | ||
| You were 6%. | ||
| 6% gay. | ||
| 6% when you got to Bangkok. | ||
| But then, when you went to the place, you knew there were ladyboys and you went back. | ||
| Wouldn't you say you'd have to say you went a little gayer than you were when you got there? | ||
| Well, it was more out of experience. | ||
| Like, to check this experience out. | ||
| Check me out. | ||
| Take the temperature. | ||
| But it was a gay experience. | ||
| It was... | ||
| I mean, what do you define as a gay experience? | ||
| There's a guy in you. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Alright, hold on. | ||
| Is a transsexual a guy? | ||
| It's way closer to a guy than me. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Have guys been fooled? | ||
| That doesn't even make any sense. | ||
| Have guys been fooled? | ||
| You don't even listen to people. | ||
| You don't even listen to people. | ||
| I made an error. | ||
| I said, is it a transsexual guy? | ||
| No, it's not as close to a guy as me. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| It's more a woman than it is a man. | ||
| It looked and felt like a woman. | ||
| Here's the reality of transsexuals, the cold hard reality. | ||
| It's just chromosomal. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| As far as behavior and appearance and maybe even sex, you might enjoy certain aspects of sex more with a transsexual than you would an angry, overweight, cigarette-smoking woman who's got a head like a frying pan. | ||
| If you found... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Transgender woman? | ||
| Yeah, this is the picture that Brody is with. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Brian, come on, man. | ||
| This is the internet. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You're going to ruin everything for everybody. | ||
| Keep going, Joe. | ||
| My point is, I would rather have a sexual experience with a transgender that was really sexy and sweet. | ||
| Rather than a big, angry woman that's built like a football player. | ||
| Okay, I'm with you. | ||
| If you wanted to have a sexual experience, if you're a man, most likely you want to have a sexual experience with something feminine. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And the reality of femininity versus masculinity, there's a line where shit gets blurry. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And that line is big, angry, Fred Flintstone-looking women versus, like, Thai ladyboy that's actually very cute. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Where do you go? | ||
| Get that fucking off the screen. | ||
| You're in Thailand. | ||
| You're alone. | ||
| You've got meal money. | ||
| Even if you're not in Thailand. | ||
| If you're anywhere. | ||
| If there's only three people on the planet. | ||
| It's you, the Thai lady boy, and the big Fred Flintstone looking angry, overweight woman. | ||
| I'm not going to be with a Fred Flintstone. | ||
| With boogers in her nose. | ||
| I won't be. | ||
| I'll let her give me a massage. | ||
| Her feet smell. | ||
| Ugh! | ||
| Why didn't you just get a transgender or a regular girl, though? | ||
| There was those two. | ||
| You could have probably got a nice young one. | ||
| I think that would be a different thing. | ||
| I think also there's the feeling of exploitation that comes with having a... | ||
| Having a sexual experience with a prostitute that's a female that you don't get if it's a prostitute that's a male. | ||
| If you go to a female prostitute, there's this thing where if you think about the concept of prostitution, you think that women are being exploited. | ||
| That's one of the main negative aspects of prostitution. | ||
| And then also, as a father, you start thinking, well, why are there prostitutes? | ||
| Most likely because they didn't have a good family structure. | ||
| They didn't have a good father figure. | ||
| They didn't have a good mother. | ||
| Whatever it was, it's not good. | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| There could be some weird people that just enjoy sex and don't mind getting paid for it because it's better than being a waitress. | ||
| That's possible too. | ||
| But when you think about a woman, most likely you're thinking about someone being sexually manipulated and someone being taken advantage of and objectified. | ||
| You think of a bad situation. | ||
| But you don't think about that with a guy. | ||
| You don't, especially a guy who used to be a guy and then became a girl and decided to do it because he wanted to do it. | ||
| He made the choice, wanted to do it, felt like that's who he is. | ||
| Do you think he made the choice? | ||
| Or did he kiss? | ||
| You definitely make the choice to have surgery. | ||
| But you feel it, almost like you have to get it done. | ||
| I can't tell, I mean, there's no way I could tell you what they feel. | ||
| But I would assume that they're telling the truth. | ||
| And when I've talked to, I mean, we had Buck Angel on the podcast, who's a transgender woman to man. | ||
| And, you know, he says that he's always known inside that he should be a man. | ||
| I mean, his personality was always, and that's the only time he was ever happy, was when he was allowed to be a man. | ||
| Did this person feel real, Brody? | ||
| Can I ask you a question? | ||
| Let's not deviate from the path here. | ||
| Let's not deviate from the path here because I think what we're talking about is actually a very important subject. | ||
| It's real? | ||
| You have to define it very clearly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Hold on a second. | ||
| You have to define this. | ||
| You have to pee. | ||
| Go pee. | ||
| Okay, can I come right back? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| No, we're not going to let you back in. | ||
| There's a door out there. | ||
| You're punching a code. | ||
| I don't think that any one of us can tell someone what they feel inside their body. | ||
| And I've talked to way too many people that say that they know that they should have been a man or they know that they should have been a woman. | ||
| If that's the case, if they're saying that, you can't argue with that. | ||
| If you look at the spectrum of human fuck-ups, the genetic animalities, the variations in color of skin and color of hair and the size of teeth and all the different variations of human beings. | ||
| Of course some people were supposed to be boys and didn't come out boys. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| And I think one day they're going to be able to do something where they give these people some sort of a genetic manipulation. | ||
| And they're going to literally turn them into double X chromosome women. | ||
| And I think that's the beginning of the ability to manipulate the human genome, the ability to change a person's DNA. But until then, what do they have? | ||
| They have... | ||
| They have surgery, and they have hormonal treatments. | ||
| But if you had to choose between a guy who did that, a male, born male, who did that and became a really sexy transgender, or a disgusting, angry woman who hates men. | ||
| Disgusting, angry woman that hates men. | ||
| You would go with that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You're hilarious. | ||
| There's only three people on the planet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait. | |
| There's only three people on the planet. | ||
| You, the angry fucking project that you're going to try to turn into a lady with her big, giant, stinky feet or a really beautiful ladyboy. | ||
| Definitely number one. | ||
| I would definitely be with a woman, Joe. | ||
| Wait, you wouldn't be with a ladyboy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't even know. | |
| If I saw one of the post-penises, post-surgery penises, I wouldn't even look at it. | ||
| You don't have to look at it. | ||
| How about you don't have to look at it? | ||
| How about she comes with special cockles? | ||
| Like those 3D glasses? | ||
| You look at it through that and she looks perfect. | ||
| Can I ask a question, Brian? | ||
| Look, there's three people on the whole planet. | ||
| Most likely I'd kill myself. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| There's three people on the planet. | ||
| I'm going to go to the highest fucking mountain. | ||
| I'm going to stand there, look at it, and I'm going to say, fuck it and take a swan dive. | ||
| And then we're going to have to start fresh because I'll be the last male on the planet. | ||
| There'll be no impregnated people and those two people are going to die and that's going to be a wrap unless they... | ||
| Milk my balls for sperm when they find my dead body within a 24-hour period, my sperm staying alive. | ||
| Most likely, the human species ends there, Brian. | ||
| So yeah, I'd go with the tranny. | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| No, that's fucking... | ||
| Joe, you fucking... | ||
| Can I ask Brian one quick question? | ||
| I would be sitting there eating that big, fat, real pussy, getting bitched at. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd be opening that up and wiping it on my face, knowing it was real. | |
| Please, please, please. | ||
| Can I ask you one question, Brian? | ||
| So, if and when, obviously I'm talking about on the podcast, and let's say this topic does appear on my show, this Ladyboy 10% issue, am I going to receive a lot of heat on it? | ||
| Not only because... | ||
| From who? | ||
| I don't know, from America. | ||
| Fuck them, man. | ||
| You're going to receive heat from people, no matter what. | ||
| No matter what you do. | ||
| There's going to be people that don't like this. | ||
| There's going to be people that don't like that. | ||
| Dude, you can't avoid heat. | ||
| If you're public, you get heat. | ||
| Yeah, but this is personal public. | ||
| I've seen Neil deGrasse Tyson take heat. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| You don't know anything. | ||
| Well, don't say I don't know anything. | ||
| I follow sports, Joe. | ||
| Baseball. | ||
| Nothing about science? | ||
| Nothing about space? | ||
| I've heard of stuff. | ||
| I've heard of Bill Nye. | ||
| I've heard of... | ||
| I love weather. | ||
| I love geography. | ||
| I like geography. | ||
| I'm in the moon, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm... | |
| Okay, so you're in Thailand. | ||
| Oh gosh, here we go. | ||
| You're with the ladyboy. | ||
| You go back, you go to the club, you sit down. | ||
| Do you know right away that this used to be a guy? | ||
| Oh, definitely. | ||
| Well, you know, though. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Let me tell you something, ma'am. | ||
| It used to be, is, whatever. | ||
| I didn't see an Adam's apple. | ||
| Do you remember the episode of the man show that we did with that transgender woman who was beautiful? | ||
| Vaguely. | ||
| Her name was Vanity or something like that. | ||
| Okay, vaguely. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Dude, she was really pretty. | ||
| Like, whoa, stunningly beautiful. | ||
| And was born a man. | ||
| And we did a segment where the guy got strapped to a table. | ||
| It was called Make Me Hard. | ||
| And the guy was strapped to a table, and we put a lightbox over his dick. | ||
| Well, the lightbox would go off when he got an erection. | ||
| So, of course, we controlled the button. | ||
| So it would be like whenever, like, midgets were eating bananas or... | ||
| We had this transgender get out. | ||
| And the transgender does a dance for this guy, and then she puts whipped cream on her nipples, and the guy sucks the whipped cream off her tits. | ||
| She had big fake tits. | ||
| And then she pulls out her penis. | ||
| Oh, I remember that. | ||
| She pulls out her penis at the end of this. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| And the light starts flashing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. | |
| I remember that. | ||
| Her penis looked like a primate penis that had been poisoned. | ||
| Like if you took a chimp and you poisoned the chimp and you saw his dick after he was dying of poison. | ||
| Let me ask a question. | ||
| What happens to the penis was just a regular looking penis on a beautiful woman with breasts, good skin. | ||
| That'd be an issue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hair. | |
| The penis would be an issue, for sure, if you had to do something with it. | ||
| Like, if the deal was, like, she's beautiful, but she's got a dick, and she's gonna blow you, but you gotta blow her. | ||
| No, okay, okay, okay, I'm out. | ||
| Okay, I'm out. | ||
| You said that's where you're out? | ||
| You're out on that. | ||
| Okay, if you're out on that, I'm out with you, Joe. | ||
| Okay, we're both out. | ||
| Okay, we're out on that. | ||
| So, I guess I'm 10% gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| There you go! | ||
| I guess I'm 10% good. | ||
| Thank you! | ||
| So, you know it's a ladyboy. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| So you're sitting there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| I loved it! | ||
| And what... | ||
| Were any of them in there actually born women? | ||
| Or was it all ladyboys? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| I probably... | ||
| I mean, the lady running the plays was a woman. | ||
| But I think most of the dancers were male at birth. | ||
| But it's part of that culture, just to let you know. | ||
| It's very accepted to see ladyboys all around, working at Starbucks, walking down the street. | ||
| Why do you think that is? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a different culture over there. | ||
| But is it a cultural choice, or is it a genetic thing where there's a great percentage of people that feel like they should have been a woman? | ||
| I think there's something about genetics. | ||
| I don't know if Asians or the Thai people are more apt to having that gene. | ||
| I would wonder if there's some stats for that as far as women-to-men transgenders, like Buck Angel. | ||
| I wonder if there's some stats that show what countries have more transgender women-to-men. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Does Thailand actually have more transgender men-to-men? | ||
| It's an accepted part of the culture. | ||
| I bet you down in Brazil there's a lot. | ||
| And may be accepted down there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, you can tell us as much as you want about this experience or you can end right here. | ||
| No, I'm willing to talk. | ||
| The only thing I'm thinking about is I don't want to give too much away on the show. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And we'll see. | ||
| We'll keep going. | ||
| People are going to see the show anyway. | ||
| It's going to be awesome. | ||
| You've actually already said it on a podcast before, and we got you up to 12% gay. | ||
| I'm not 12%. | ||
| Wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| You brought him up to 12%? | ||
| Yeah, we got him up to 12% because there was something else that he does right now. | ||
| I got confused. | ||
| It feels like peer pressure. | ||
| I feel like you guys bullied him. | ||
| You can ask me a couple more questions and we'll move on. | ||
| You bullied him into an extra percentage of being gay. | ||
| You already said he got bullied into being three. | ||
| How I was walking. | ||
| I think it was because you still, like, click on, like, guy porn at home or something. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| I'll tell you. | ||
| Might have to run out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You click on what? | ||
| That's a percentage. | ||
| That's residue percentage. | ||
| What, are you working at Chernobyl? | ||
| You're not describing fucking nuclear power, pal. | ||
| You're talking about being gay. | ||
| Residual effects. | ||
| I came back. | ||
| Quantum energy. | ||
| You came on his back? | ||
| Quantum gayness is what we're doing. | ||
| I had access to YouPorn and I did wander and click. | ||
| It's something I would never ever do and it's something that It's like, did people see Brokeback Mountain? | ||
| Did any straight guys see Brokeback Mountain? | ||
| I'm sure there were. | ||
| And I'm sure they saw two guys making love in the movie or whatever. | ||
| And they actually felt good about knowing these guys loved each other. | ||
| And it may even aroused a straight guy knowing that two guys were passionately in love with each other. | ||
| Would you do what they would... | ||
| Let me take it from here. | ||
| First of all, if you felt that from watching that movie, it means you don't have a sense of humor. | ||
| And you probably weren't there with another man who also has a sense of humor. | ||
| Because if you did, as soon as Jake Ellenberger... | ||
| No, what's his name? | ||
| Jake Gyllenhaal. | ||
| Sorry, Jake Gyllenhaal. | ||
| He's an MMA fighter. | ||
| Jake Gyllenhaal. | ||
| Gyllenhaal. | ||
| He's a professional mixed martial arts fighter. | ||
| Okay, alright. | ||
| I'm learning. | ||
| Gyllenhaal spits on his hand and then shoves his dick right into... | ||
| Not into that. | ||
| Yeah, right into Heath's butt. | ||
| I don't think you'd have to laugh a little. | ||
| I didn't see the movie. | ||
| We're only human. | ||
| I'm saying somebody got aroused by that who was not gay. | ||
| Oh boy, I'm not sure I agree with you there. | ||
| I think if that scene aroused you, I think you're probably gay. | ||
| I'm not saying the scene aroused you. | ||
| Maybe that two humans are in so love together... | ||
| And it's passionate, and it's almost wrong. | ||
| It's taboo. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| It's almost taboo to say that, you know what? | ||
| That scene from Brokeback Mountain... | ||
| It did start something. | ||
| But it didn't. | ||
| I never saw the movie. | ||
| I never saw the movie. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| I never saw it. | ||
| The relationship between Heath Herring and Jake Gyllenhaal was very similar to one of my jokes. | ||
| I don't believe in bisexual men. | ||
| I think there's gay men and then there's really gullible straight dudes who get talked into blowing crafty gay guys. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| I'm 10% gay and I'm not in that direction. | ||
| That's what that movie was. | ||
| Jake Gyllenhaal was the really crafty gay dude, and Heath Richard... | ||
| What is his name? | ||
| Heath Ledger. | ||
| Heath Ledger. | ||
| I call him Heath Herring. | ||
| Heath Herring. | ||
| Heath Ledger. | ||
| Sorry, Heath. | ||
| Heath Herring is another MMA fighter. | ||
| Heath Ledger. | ||
| Was just like sort of a 9-volt battery brain dude. | ||
| Just kind of a dude who wasn't that smart. | ||
| And he was out there alone and hanging out with this guy and a bunch of fucking sheep around. | ||
| And he just got into it. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Got talked into it. | ||
| But it ruined his life. | ||
| Wrecked his life. | ||
| He really wasn't even gay. | ||
| He was talked into doing gay shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he was? | |
| Nah. | ||
| He had a family. | ||
| They just went with it. | ||
| Oh, he got talked into it? | ||
| See, I wouldn't get talked into it. | ||
| You want to? | ||
| I would not. | ||
| Oh, I thought you said I want to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh... | |
| Now I'm hearing things. | ||
| I would not... | ||
| Take it back to Thailand. | ||
| You're with the ladyboy, and how does it escalate? | ||
| We went to the second floor. | ||
| What do you think when you're walking up those stairs? | ||
| Biggest mistake of my life? | ||
| No, you know what? | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| I wanted to see if I can... | ||
| Get it up? | ||
| Not get it up. | ||
| See, if I had the temptation, I could do whatever I want. | ||
| This is my big chance. | ||
| Everyone says, Brody, you're gay, you're gay, you're gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Now, I'm in a room in Thailand. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you're like, I'll show you. | |
| Oral, making fun of Brody. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| I don't need to go into detail, but I pushed it to the limit. | ||
| I went as far as I could go. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Did I perform? | ||
| I will go on record saying, no, I did not, never have, don't want to perform Oral on a man. | ||
| Can I go on record saying that? | ||
| I got you, but what happened? | ||
| Well, that didn't happen. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What didn't happen also is... | ||
| Kissing! | ||
| Kissing didn't happen. | ||
| I don't want to kiss a man. | ||
| Let's be clear. | ||
| There was no kissing. | ||
| No kissing. | ||
| No race car driving. | ||
| No meteorite impact. | ||
| Many other things didn't take place. | ||
| You make it unromantic. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I apologize. | ||
| I am a very romantic guy. | ||
| Go on. | ||
| And, you know, some stuff. | ||
| I tried... | ||
| You know, touch this. | ||
| I did not, I'll be honest. | ||
| I looked at it. | ||
| How close? | ||
| No, no, not... | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, probably... | |
| What is that? | ||
| Three feet? | ||
| Two and a half feet? | ||
| From the ass or the dick? | ||
| I looked at the penis. | ||
| There's a difference. | ||
| Because if you're three feet from the dick, that's a safe judgment, Tom. | ||
| You can move left. | ||
| You can move right. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| Three feet from the ass? | ||
| No, I wasn't. | ||
| You're there. | ||
| You're basically there. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Time out. | ||
| Time out. | ||
| Are you saying three feet? | ||
| I'm talking about my face now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Your face, three feet from his dick or his ass. | ||
| Can I say one thing? | ||
| Can I say another thing? | ||
| Yes, you can say whatever you want. | ||
| I never did. | ||
| Nor do I want to take my face and put it in a man's ass. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Can I go on record saying that? | ||
| Now we know. | ||
| If there was any debate before, it's been squashed. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Now you turn it around. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I'm in Bangkok and I go, well, people say I'm gay. | ||
| Turn around. | ||
| Let me look at it. | ||
| How far away? | ||
| How far away? | ||
| Three feet from the dick? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| What's it look like? | ||
| Is it hard at least? | ||
| No, I'll tell you what. | ||
| No. | ||
| It was what you described. | ||
| It wasn't normal. | ||
| Something happened to it. | ||
| It's been poisoned. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| There's some chemical. | ||
| When you start injecting your body with estrogen, I would assume your dick shrivels up. | ||
| It's not necessary anymore and it knows it. | ||
| Just like when you inject your body with testosterone. | ||
| If you're a woman, you're not supposed to have men's levels of testosterone. | ||
| Plus, those women in bodybuilders, they grow dicks. | ||
| Their clit extends. | ||
| It's like when you find a dead body hanging that's been there for a week. | ||
| It's stretched and it's turned black. | ||
| Different thing. | ||
| Different thing, Brian. | ||
| Okay, so the dick was soft. | ||
| I didn't touch it. | ||
| Okay, but when you saw it- I may have tapped it just to see what it's like to say I officially touched it. | ||
| I've never touched a man's penis, ever. | ||
| How do you even know that you're in a dream unless you touch it, right? | ||
| I guess, yeah. | ||
| I just touched with no stimulation at all. | ||
| It's like that thing that you do when you're lucid dreaming. | ||
| The way you practice lucid dreaming is by walking around your house, and every time you get to a doorknob or doorway, you knock on the doorway, am I dreaming? | ||
| And if you're not dreaming, you feel it. | ||
| You knock on the door. | ||
| But if you're dreaming, your hand just goes right through. | ||
| And you go, oh my goodness, I'm dreaming. | ||
| And that's how you lucid dream. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It's like a meditative device. | ||
| So whenever you see a dick, you should thump it and go, am I dreaming? | ||
| No. | ||
| That should be your dream. | ||
| I got set up here. | ||
| I just got set up here. | ||
| We all dream about dicks. | ||
| Okay, Joe. | ||
| If it's our dick or Godzilla's dick. | ||
| I don't want it. | ||
| I'm not some dick guy. | ||
| You don't have to want it. | ||
| I don't even want to touch it. | ||
| But you did. | ||
| But you did. | ||
| A touch is a doctor. | ||
| A touch as a doctor. | ||
| When did you get your doctor? | ||
| I just did it to officially say I've done it. | ||
| What did you do to your residency? | ||
| Miami State! | ||
| Arizona State! | ||
| Enjoy it! | ||
| Okay, doctor. | ||
| Please continue. | ||
| There was no kissing. | ||
| I don't want to kiss. | ||
| What did this guy smell like? | ||
| She smelled good. | ||
| She smelled... | ||
| It was a girl. | ||
| Well, okay. | ||
| What point in time... | ||
| Here's the question. | ||
| When you become a transgender... | ||
| When do we decide to call you a girl? | ||
| Is it when you make the choice? | ||
| Because if you still have a penis, it becomes very difficult to buy your story. | ||
| I don't know if you have to have your penis cut off. | ||
| I don't know if you have to be on certain medication, hormones. | ||
| I guess it's just for a courtesy, it's just the person's choice. | ||
| Like if you decided tomorrow that you wanted to be... | ||
| Eustace. | ||
| Is that the girl's name? | ||
| What's the girl's name? | ||
| Becky? | ||
| The porno chick? | ||
| Becky Stevens. | ||
| No! | ||
| You! | ||
| Me. | ||
| You decided to be a woman. | ||
| Okay, Becky Stevens. | ||
| I would start calling you a woman. | ||
| I would start calling you her. | ||
| You would. | ||
| Out of respect. | ||
| Out of respect. | ||
| And I'm taking hormones. | ||
| Yeah, out of respect. | ||
| But did you know that there's queer? | ||
| Do you know what queer is? | ||
| Those are like gay guys who've taken the word over. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know in the LBTQT? Lesbian. | |
| It's lesbians, bisexuals, gay, transgender, queer. | ||
| The queer one's a strange one. | ||
| And the queer one is they want to be whatever they want to be. | ||
| They want to be a man, they want to be a woman, they want to be whatever the fuck they want to be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh really? | |
| They want to be they, or they want to be it. | ||
| Maybe I'm queer. | ||
| They have different designations. | ||
| I'm 15% queer. | ||
| That they choose. | ||
| 10% gay, but 15% queer. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| We're moving closer to our goal. | ||
| I feel like we're on a home shopping network and I'm selling queer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| We're moving closer to the goal of 86% gay by the end of the podcast. | ||
| We can do it, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| All we need is more stories. | ||
| We got more Brody coming up right after this. | ||
| Look at the design of this. | ||
| We get this from China, but let me assure you the quality is remarkable. | ||
| His lips are soft for any cock. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Come on, Brian. | ||
| You're an asshole, dude. | ||
| You're ruining everything. | ||
| We're so close to getting him up to 25%. | ||
| That's not going to happen. | ||
| Which is, I think, the real number. | ||
| Joe, no it isn't. | ||
| No it isn't. | ||
| See? | ||
| That's not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look, look, look. | |
| It's not. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| 25%? | ||
| Here's why. | ||
| It's an aggressive attack. | ||
| This is what I say. | ||
| I'm going to be honest with you. | ||
| 25%? | ||
| At that moment, okay? | ||
| At the moment where that guy is sucking on your dick. | ||
| Happens in prison all the time. | ||
| I think you're at 40% gay. | ||
| Are you kidding? | ||
| For that moment. | ||
| This could mess with my head. | ||
| No, for that moment. | ||
| What I'm offering you is a fluctuating scale of gayness. | ||
| But you brought me all the way up to 40. I think you go as high as 40 when you come in a man's mouth. | ||
| I think I'm being very generous. | ||
| Very generous by often you're 40. For most of the population, when you come in a man's mouth, you hit 100. I don't think so. | ||
| Yes, you do. | ||
| Yes, you do. | ||
| Would you say if you were in prison, you got locked down? | ||
| We're not in prison, Brody. | ||
| I don't plan on going to prison. | ||
| I'm a nice guy. | ||
| I don't break any fucking laws. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I defy you. | |
| You can't define me like that. | ||
| You're going with prison simply because that's the only place we have no options is sexual parking. | ||
| I had no options that night. | ||
| Most people don't go to prison, Brody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a dumb thing to bring up. | |
| Most people don't go to prison. | ||
| And when they walk upstairs on their own without a security guard having them shackled, wrist to handcuff, you're like pretending. | ||
| Hey, they brought me to the mess hall and then they sucked my dick. | ||
| That's not what happened. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Go back to me being bullied. | ||
| Go back to that. | ||
| Remember that. | ||
| They didn't blow the buzzer and give you your one hour outside to play basketball and you wind up getting your dick sucked. | ||
| That's not what happened, Brody. | ||
| You made a choice to go up those stairs. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with it. | ||
| But you're about 40% gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I pushed it. | |
| I don't believe those numbers. | ||
| Brian, what do you think? | ||
| When you come in a guy's mouth, what are we up to? | ||
| Who's to say I did that? | ||
| I'm just assuming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would say definitely 25. I don't like your numbers, Brian. | |
| That's a shocker. | ||
| You've never brought that number up to me. | ||
| I cannot believe that Joe said 40%. | ||
| Listen, I said 40% because I love you. | ||
| I should have said 100. It came in a man's mouth. | ||
| Can I say something? | ||
| I think it's almost immediately gay as fuck. | ||
| It's probably the gayest thing you could do other than fucking the guy in the ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he spit it back into your mouth, Brody? | |
| What is more gay? | ||
| What is more gay? | ||
| I'm going to say something to you. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Let's be real. | ||
| You can say whatever you want, but let's be real. | ||
| I just want to know what's gayer. | ||
| If you think I'm 40% gay, at the end of this, you're going to probably think I'm 65% gay. | ||
| 86 is our goal, but you're playing games. | ||
| That's not what I said. | ||
| I never said that. | ||
| And I'll tell you what. | ||
| I offer you a fluctuating scale of 0% gay. | ||
| And I'm going to get hammered on TV for this. | ||
| No, you're not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're going to be loved. | |
| Will you protect me? | ||
| Fuck yeah, I love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
After that segment? | |
| I love you and America loves you too. | ||
| You'll be universally protected. | ||
| The only people that'll despise you because of this are assholes. | ||
| Fuck them! | ||
| What are you, perfect? | ||
| You're perfect sexually? | ||
| No! | ||
| You keep your room clean? | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| Yes, I do! | ||
| If you give Brody Stevens a hard time for being 86% gay, I say fuck you! | ||
| I'm not 80% gay! | ||
| That's our goal, Brody! | ||
| Right now we're at 40! | ||
| Stop it! | ||
| The moment you decide... | ||
| 40 is... | ||
| Release the hounds! | ||
| And it's down the hatch of a man's throat. | ||
| Probably... | ||
| Cigarette breath and fucking stubble. | ||
| I don't think that's so bad. | ||
| If you feel stubble on your balls and your balls are clean shaven, it probably is a stimulator. | ||
| I guarantee you there's at least 10 comedians that have gone down to Brazil and had their penis sucked by a transvestite. | ||
| Every time you try to rationalize what you've done by comparing yourself to the acts of others that are also ridiculous, you get another 10% gay. | ||
| Stop that! | ||
| So we're now at 35% gay. | ||
| Our goal is 86. We've got at least 20 minutes left of this podcast. | ||
| We can do this, Brody. | ||
| Well, if I talked more, I would probably come very close to hitting your goal. | ||
| What is going on in the thing here? | ||
| Nothing right now. | ||
| You'd come very close to hitting 86 if you tried. | ||
| So, like, if you're on Ecstasy and you're with the perfect lady. | ||
| I was on Ecstasy, but... | ||
| Like Vanity. | ||
| Like Vanity from The Man Show. | ||
| Remember her? | ||
| Yeah, she was hot. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| I've pushed it to the limit, and I know... | ||
| You're not a race car driver, Brody. | ||
| Alright? | ||
| Stop saying like you're breaking in new tires. | ||
| We're trying to figure out these compounds when we hit the skid pad. | ||
| That's not what's going on. | ||
| When you're saying you push it to the limit, what are you saying? | ||
| What's with the euphemisms, Brody? | ||
| Let's get real with America. | ||
| Because America loves you. | ||
| And they love you the most when you're telling the truth. | ||
| I said, let's see how far I can go. | ||
| That's 35% gay. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Come on, let's be real. | ||
| No! | ||
| No? | ||
| It might be a 35% gay thought worth... | ||
| It's worth probably 4%. | ||
| Where are we at the moment? | ||
| I mean, what's going on here? | ||
| She's sucking your dick, but is she tickling your balls? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Does she know her thing? | ||
| Does she know what the fuck she's doing? | ||
| Yeah, they're decent. | ||
| But if you feel like a girl's doing it, or do you feel like a guy's doing it that's beautiful? | ||
| I don't think about a guy. | ||
| You're not thinking about a guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You're thinking she looks like a girl... | ||
| Makeup. | ||
| Release the hounds. | ||
| Smell. | ||
| Feel. | ||
| Breasts. | ||
| Sexuality. | ||
| Adam's apple. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, sorry about that. | |
| When you release the hounds, is there any feeling of regret? | ||
| I didn't have any. | ||
| If that even, from my recollection, no. | ||
| Were you stone cold sober? | ||
| I was probably on a hookah and beer. | ||
| I think we hit 86%. | ||
| No, we didn't! | ||
| I feel pretty good about this. | ||
| I want to say this, Joe. | ||
| I'll talk about whatever you want regarding this. | ||
| I'll be honest, it is a subject that does make me uncomfortable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| For just a couple reasons. | ||
| The other reason is that it is so public. | ||
| So what? | ||
| I know, but it's going to be on Comedy Central, and it freaks me out. | ||
| No, listen, Brody. | ||
| Who you are is who you are, and who you are is awesome. | ||
| We love you. | ||
| It doesn't matter if you're 86% gay or 0%, like everybody else in the room. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| But let me say this. | ||
| On this podcast, you allowed me to kind of explain everything about it. | ||
| I allowed you to express yourself and be Brody. | ||
| And I feel like maybe on this show... | ||
| And I'm not blaming anybody. | ||
| It could be my own neuroses. | ||
| I don't know if it comes across that way, kind of how we explained it. | ||
| I know it's a TV show, and I know this is a podcast, but that's where some of my anxiety lies. | ||
| But the fact that we just talked about this here does make me feel better. | ||
| And knowing that you have my back... | ||
| I have your back if you're 100% gay, which a lot of people have said online, when you come in a guy's mouth, you're 100% gay. | ||
| A lot of people have said that. | ||
| I don't agree with them. | ||
| I don't agree with them. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| But you're 86%. | ||
| At that moment. | ||
| I debate you on that. | ||
| I said 40 before, but it's because I love you. | ||
| If I didn't know you, I'd say 100%. | ||
| But I do, and I love you, and I don't care. | ||
| I think you're 100% awesome. | ||
| I don't think it matters if you're 10% gay or 25% gay. | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| And yeah, you know what? | ||
| Ladyboy as opposed to a gay man. | ||
| If it was a dude who looked like Don Barris, and he had a full beard, and he was sucking your dick, that would be a completely different experience. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's wrong, and God doesn't appreciate that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, they do. | |
| God does appreciate that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm kidding. | |
| I'm joking about that. | ||
| Look, God made gay people, and that's the Christian's conundrum, that God made gay people, too. | ||
| God made everything. | ||
| Why did God make sociopaths? | ||
| Do you believe in God? | ||
| Do you believe in God? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is the reality. | ||
| Good question. | ||
| Good answer. | ||
| I would like to think that science provides me with a lot of answers to how the universe works. | ||
| And I think it does, for the most part. | ||
| But I think science is discovering new things every day. | ||
| Do I believe in religion? | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| But I do leave open the possibility that there could be some sort of a higher power. | ||
| I don't know if it's a guy with a fucking robe who lives in the clouds and has a harp. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But the reason why I don't know is because I haven't died. | ||
| I haven't been there. | ||
| Life itself is way crazier than a god. | ||
| Just life itself. | ||
| Say if there's no god that made the universe, there's no universal power that controls this, there's no laws that guide the universe to an ever-expanding degree of complexity. | ||
| If there's none of that, if there's no higher power... | ||
| Man, this is amazing. | ||
| It's amazing if there's no one running the show. | ||
| It's amazing that this happened. | ||
| It's amazing that there was a big bang. | ||
| There was something smaller than the head of a pin. | ||
| And by some sort of reaction that no one can explain, it exploded. | ||
| And this incredibly dense, tiny object became everything you see in the universe. | ||
| Every particle of matter, even the ones we can't even figure out, like dark matter. | ||
| All that shit is so fascinating. | ||
| The fact that every fucking galaxy has a supermassive black hole inside of it that's one half of one percent of the mass of the entire galaxy. | ||
| The bigger the black hole, the bigger the galaxy. | ||
| It's fucking madness. | ||
| And then the fact that inside every black hole might be another universe, supernovas and asteroids. | ||
| Asteroids and lava and Komodo dragons and pigeons. | ||
| The world is fucking crazy. | ||
| It's a mad, mad, mad world. | ||
| And to think that it's impossible for there to be a god, I think is ridiculous. | ||
| The whole thing's impossible. | ||
| A lava is impossible. | ||
| Oceans are impossible. | ||
| A river is impossible. | ||
| Salmon are impossible. | ||
| A fucking grizzly bear is madness. | ||
| All of its craziness. | ||
| Every single fucking thing on earth is insane. | ||
| All of it together is... | ||
| The fact that it exists, the fact that we're on a podcast and we can broadcast... | ||
| Instantly, worldwide, the fact that we have laptops that are a fucking inch thin and contain gigabytes of data, the fact that you can buy beer and you don't have to fucking go get a wood barrel together like an asshole, like one of those moonshiner shitheads, and brew your own booze. | ||
| It's all madness, Brody Stevens. | ||
| So I don't know if there's a god. | ||
| But I'll tell you what, that comforts me. | ||
| The fact that you're not one of those guys who go, no, there's no God. | ||
| Those guys haven't taken mushrooms. | ||
| I'm an atheist or whatever. | ||
| I'm like you. | ||
| I believe there's a higher being. | ||
| That's all. | ||
| I'm into prayer. | ||
| I believe. | ||
| I'm blessed. | ||
| I'm not into the whole religion. | ||
| I like to think I'm more spiritual. | ||
| You sound like a chick. | ||
| You sound like a chick in my yoga class. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| What does that make me? | ||
| 90% gay? | ||
| I don't believe in religion, but I'm pretty spiritual. | ||
| Well, I am. | ||
| I am. | ||
| But I'm not afraid to say... | ||
| Sometimes I feel in Hollywood it's wrong to say you believe in God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think it's wrong to believe... | ||
| I don't want to say wrong, but I don't think it's a good idea. | ||
| For me, personally, I'll say this. | ||
| I'll try to be as... | ||
| It's not a good idea for me personally to believe in anything that I can't rationally explain and see the work. | ||
| I don't understand quantum physics, okay? | ||
| And I've tried. | ||
| I've read a few books on it. | ||
| I've watched many documentaries on it. | ||
| I've had quantum physicists on the podcast. | ||
| We had Amit Goswami, who's a quantum theorist. | ||
| We had him on the podcast. | ||
| He talked his mystical wizardry to us. | ||
| I don't necessarily understand it though. | ||
| And so when people say, do you believe in quantum physics? | ||
| I gotta go. | ||
| I think they know what they're saying and universally amongst them they agree on certain principles amongst all these quantum physicists. | ||
| But me personally, I honestly don't know enough to say I know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| I trust them for sure that they're telling the truth. | ||
| It's not like just a whole group of liars who's making shit up. | ||
| I don't think that's going on. | ||
| But when you say, like, do you believe... | ||
| I go, I guess? | ||
| I guess, but I don't know. | ||
| That's the same way I feel about religion. | ||
| It's the same way I feel about the idea of God. | ||
| Like, do you believe in God? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And less so that than quantum physics. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| But you seem to say no to religion, but it's okay to God. | ||
| Religion is created by man. | ||
| Make no mistake about it. | ||
| It's provable. | ||
| We can show the lineage of religion. | ||
| We can show the New Testament being created by Constantine and all these bishops. | ||
| It's been proven that there were certain pieces of religious work that was left out of that. | ||
| They made decisions as to what to put in the Bible, what to leave out of the Bible. | ||
| It's been shown that there's been a metamorphosis of the Christian religion from the jump. | ||
| There's a difference between the original ancient Hebrew Bible and the Dead Sea Scrolls, which is the oldest version of the Bible by like a thousand years. | ||
| And I think the only one that was written in Aramaic. | ||
| So you've got the ancient Hebrew version of the Bible. | ||
| You've got the translations from ancient Hebrew to Latin and to Greek. | ||
| There's so many different things going on. | ||
| There's so many different things going on when you talk about religion. | ||
| What you're talking about is what man wrote down. | ||
| That doesn't necessarily mean there's no God. | ||
| And I don't think you can ever... | ||
| I think the universe is so vast and puzzling that to really decide that you know how it all started and you know what's going on behind the scenes, you have to be a fool. | ||
| I don't think our idea of a God is like a person with superpowers. | ||
| I think that's pretty ridiculous. | ||
| But I don't think it's impossible that there might be some godlike quality that's running the show. | ||
| There seems to be some fucking pretty clear laws to this place. | ||
| There also seems to be some weird codes that you find in things like the Fibonacci sequence. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| The Fibonacci sequence is a mathematical sequence that you find in sunflowers and pine cones and the shape of a person's face. | ||
| And the Fibonacci sequence is also, it was used in a Tool song. | ||
| I don't remember the fucking song. | ||
| Let me pull it up because it's amazing. | ||
| Maynard is just a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's just such an interesting, creative guy. | ||
| Have you met him or had him on the podcast? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, a couple times. | ||
| Oh, that's it. | ||
| It's Lateralus. | ||
| L-A-T-E-R-A-L-U-S. But he used the Fibonacci sequence to make this song. | ||
| The Fibonacci sequence is, it's like 0, and then 1, and then 2, and then 3, and then 2 plus 3 is 5, and then 5 plus 3 is 8. And it's this exponentially expanding series of numbers. | ||
| And the idea is that this coding, these... | ||
| The golden section of the golden string, as it were, as it's described, is like the secret to life itself. | ||
| That life itself is this weird, fractal, mathematical proposition. | ||
| And that you see it in all these different things, like the Nautilus shells, and all these different various fruits and vegetables that have these bizarre shapes to them. | ||
| And that this is all the Fibonacci sequence. | ||
| This is all the actual underlying code of life itself. | ||
| The fact that these items are not random, the fact that these things like sunflower seeds are all governed by this mathematical program, almost shows that there's something going on behind the scenes that we can't quite describe. | ||
| And in fact, there was a quantum physicist that came up with this theory that life itself, that in the lowest measurable levels of the universe itself, In the theories, these quantum theories that these guys are creating, they're finding self-correcting computer code, a very specific type of computer code that was created in the 1930s by human beings. | ||
| And people are looking at it as the possibility, by seeing all this stuff, the possibility that reality itself is an artificial creation that we're living in. | ||
| I've heard that. | ||
| It seems like it might be possible. | ||
| It's gonna happen. | ||
| That this is just a dream or this is a figment of somebody? | ||
| Simulation. | ||
| But there is no reality. | ||
| This is discussed in the concepts. | ||
| People have tried to figure out what is reality itself. | ||
| The one thing that freaks me out, this is just basic for me, is looking up into the stars in the sky and going, it goes on forever. | ||
| Where does it stop? | ||
| Do you ever stop and think, how many dicks are out there? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I wasn't not... | ||
| I'm not into that! | ||
| How long did you last when the guy was sucking you off? | ||
| Yeah, that's an important point. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because if it's anything less than six days... | ||
| Probably gay. | ||
| I'm going to have to bump you up at 100%. | ||
| Go to 89 next. | ||
| No, 86 is what it is. | ||
| Well, I don't get this. | ||
| How long did you last, though? | ||
| I don't get this 86. How long did you last? | ||
| You're going to set me up for another percentage point. | ||
| I don't keep track of that. | ||
| I don't last long anyway. | ||
| So you were a bit intoxicated. | ||
| You were drunk. | ||
| I was drunk off Diet Coke. | ||
| You said you had a couple beers. | ||
| I don't think they serve beers in these topless. | ||
| You've got to make your fucking story straight, pal. | ||
| What do you want me to say? | ||
| I'm drunk? | ||
| You're saying you were drinking beer. | ||
| I might have had a beer or two downstairs. | ||
| How many beers? | ||
| Two. | ||
| Two. | ||
| I wasn't hammered. | ||
| Is that what you're asking? | ||
| I wasn't hammered. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I'm just wondering whether or not... | ||
| When I'm drunk, I can't cum. | ||
| It takes forever. | ||
| Dick doesn't get hard. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| If you got so excited, even though you were drunk, I might have to kick you up to 92% gay. | ||
| I made a choice, I followed it, and I was pleased with what I did. | ||
| What were you pleased about? | ||
| The amount of ejaculate? | ||
| See, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Well, you said you were pleased by the result. | ||
| When I come a lot, I like to look at it. | ||
| If I have a big fucking load that comes out of me, I'm impressing myself. | ||
| Did he look like a squirrel with an acorn after he was done with you? | ||
| Well, first of all... | ||
| I get impressed when I see my boogers. | ||
| If I blow my nose and it's a big fucking wad of snot and tissue, I get excited. | ||
| It feels good because you're cleaning stuff out. | ||
| I like when I pick it, too, even though you're not supposed to. | ||
| Why are you not supposed to pick your nose? | ||
| Because it's bad for your nose. | ||
| It turbinates in flame. | ||
| It can cause sleep apnea. | ||
| If you just do that? | ||
| It causes a deviated septum by picking your nose. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| Nice to eat it. | ||
| Your nose is very sensitive. | ||
| You're not supposed to be digging in there. | ||
| I pull hairs sometimes, and then I get ingrown hairs, and they grow back. | ||
| Get a nose trimmer, you fuck. | ||
| That's the way to go? | ||
| Science. | ||
| They figured it out. | ||
| Neil deGrasse Tyson invented it. | ||
| Who's he? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Did it come out his nose? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How much time? | ||
| There's a condom. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Oh, good move. | ||
| Otherwise, you could get the super-aids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They probably have that. | |
| You know, I just don't want to get wrecking. | ||
| I don't wreck it. | ||
| Nice! | ||
| Well, take the Tarzana hat off and you're all set. | ||
| I don't want to be ridiculed. | ||
| Maybe that could be your move. | ||
| Like, Larry the Cable Guy, if he doesn't have that fucking shirt on, no one's going to know who he is. | ||
| That's a very clever move on his hat. | ||
| Wear a baseball hat and wear a shirt. | ||
| That way, when he's not, when he wants to dress up and go to a restaurant with his wife, he looks like a regular fucking redneck. | ||
| Slides right in under the door. | ||
| So go on. | ||
| How much did you come? | ||
| It just happened. | ||
| If it sounds wrong the way I'm asking you, correct me. | ||
| I'm new to this game. | ||
| I did it and that was it. | ||
| I pushed it. | ||
| Was it good? | ||
| I wouldn't say it was good. | ||
| It was like, well, I did it. | ||
| Is that like eating a Kentucky Fried Chicken or is that like taking a really good shit? | ||
| I'd more lean towards Kentucky Fried Chicken. | ||
| Kentucky Fried Chicken's pretty fucking good. | ||
| It's good stuff. | ||
| You know, I went gluten-free, but that's one thing I miss, man. | ||
| I miss Kentucky Fried Chicken. | ||
| Okay, now, I mean, you've had me say a lot of stuff, Joe. | ||
| Am I going to get negative tweets based off this? | ||
| Listen, man, if you do, those people are assholes. | ||
| You didn't do anything wrong. | ||
| You didn't hurt anybody. | ||
| You went to have fun. | ||
| You went to have fun. | ||
| You did it with someone who wanted to have fun with you. | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's them, man. | ||
| It's on them. | ||
| It's on all them, man. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Can't wait to check the tweets. | ||
| You can't wait. | ||
| You're a fucking glutton for punishment. | ||
| You love it. | ||
| You're hoping they're mad. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| You're going to enjoy it. | ||
| I don't want them to be mad. | ||
| You're a homophobe. | ||
| Simple. | ||
| I usually say anti-Semite. | ||
| How much do you use the... | ||
| You should say that if they say gay things. | ||
| If they say Jew things, call them homophobes. | ||
| Oh, switch it. | ||
| Confuse the fuck out of them, dude. | ||
| I don't want to waste hate. | ||
| I just want to be... | ||
| You don't want to waste hate? | ||
| No, I don't want to... | ||
| What, are you saving it up? | ||
| What, are you a hate camel? | ||
| No, I just... | ||
| I'm sure I'm going to have to deal with some negative stuff here and there on Twitter or whatever. | ||
| You would get that no matter what. | ||
| Alright, well maybe a couple emails, but I'm positive. | ||
| I feel good. | ||
| You're awesome. | ||
| HIV positive? | ||
| No, Brian. | ||
| Fuck you, man. | ||
| Speaking of which, Dallas Buyers Club. | ||
| I don't want to just bring it up because it has a lot of your people in it, but it's a great fucking movie. | ||
| You're my people. | ||
| Texans. | ||
| Aren't you from Texas? | ||
| I've been to Texas. | ||
| What do you mean my people? | ||
| I know you sell well in Texas. | ||
| Dallas Buyers Club is Matthew McConaughey. | ||
| He's not gay. | ||
| Nobody lost a lot of weight for this girl. | ||
| He's a fucking bull rider. | ||
| He's as manly as it gets. | ||
| And he got HIV through unprotected sex. | ||
| Shame on him. | ||
| The first guy in the history of the world, in fact. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah, he was the only guy ever. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Sam Kinison had a joke about it. | ||
| I don't believe it. | ||
| He goes, they say, Sam! | ||
| They say AIDS is a heterosexual disease. | ||
| Straight people die of it, too. | ||
| He goes, name one! | ||
| Name one fucking guy! | ||
| Pull up that. | ||
| That's a funny bit. | ||
| That's a classic bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sam Kinison. | |
| That's a fucking classic. | ||
| He was the greatest. | ||
| Sam Kinison on AIDS, on heterosexuals getting AIDS. I'm sure Dice had some crazy bits too back in the day. | ||
| No, but I'm sure he did. | ||
| Kinnison Moore? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Kinnison was the groundbreaker. | ||
| He was the groundbreaker. | ||
| And I'm a Dice fan, but Kinnison was the groundbreaker. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know, Kinnison became Kinnison. | ||
| His book is fascinating. | ||
| My brother Sam is a book. | ||
| His brother wrote about being Sam's brother. | ||
| And it's like, no holds barred, behind the scenes, everything. | ||
| Would it come out a few years ago? | ||
| Many years ago. | ||
| I think I read it in the 90s. | ||
| I gotta get it. | ||
| But he got hit by a car. | ||
| He did? | ||
| Yeah, he was a young boy. | ||
| And he got hit by a car and it changed him. | ||
| When he got hit by a car, all of a sudden, different guy. | ||
| As soon as he recovers from it, they say that happens, man. | ||
| I've heard that. | ||
| I've read about people wake up and they're different and they actually know how to play the piano or something. | ||
| Yeah, there was one recently about that. | ||
| This guy, he got a severe concussion and then they saw him playing music. | ||
| He had all this fucking musical talent that he never had before. | ||
| And yeah, a teenager credits musical talent to head injury. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| As a matter of fact, this happened to a friend of mine. | ||
| Her son was never artistic at all, and he got in a motorcycle accident, and he crashed, and he hurt himself pretty bad. | ||
| He was pretty fucked up. | ||
| And he had some serious brain injuries because of it. | ||
| It means fine when you talk to him. | ||
| You would never imagine. | ||
| Talk to him. | ||
| Seems totally normal. | ||
| But because of that, he's like super artistic now. | ||
| And he'd never had that before. | ||
| I'm not saying you should fucking punt your kid in the head if they can't draw pictures good. | ||
| But there's something that happens sometimes to people when they get hand injuries. | ||
| And with Kinnison, his brother said he just became fearless. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I gotta read up on that. | ||
| It's a great book, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a great book. | |
| Could you imagine if he was still performing today? | ||
| Where would you see Kinnison if he was still performing today? | ||
| What would he be at? | ||
| What level do you think? | ||
| It would depend entirely on whether or not he was clean and sober. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And it wouldn't even have to be clean and sober, but he would have to straighten his act out enough to get his health together. | ||
| Because what happened with Kinison is, if you go back to Kinison's first CD, which is Louder Than Hell, it wasn't even actually on CD, it was on cassette. | ||
| And it's really hard to get. | ||
| Louder Than Hell is, in my opinion, the all-time greatest comedy album ever. | ||
| Groundbreaking. | ||
| There had been nobody like Kinison before. | ||
| But when you go from there to Have You Seen Me Lately, there's a big drop-off. | ||
| Oh, it's a drop-off. | ||
| Big drop-off. | ||
| And then from there to the other ones, wow, it gets worse and worse the further distance you go. | ||
| Because he couldn't keep it up, man. | ||
| There's no way you can keep up cocaine every night and fucking vodka and Jack Daniels and... | ||
| He's 350 pounds. | ||
| He's five feet tall. | ||
| He's just unhealthy. | ||
| Everything's wrong. | ||
| Addiction in every form. | ||
| Sexual, cocaine, alcohol, blackouts. | ||
| He was going hard, man. | ||
| And he used to talk about it, too. | ||
| He used to talk about how he would get... | ||
| He had bits about it. | ||
| How he'd get to a party, and they'd go, well, it's easy for you guys to do coke. | ||
| You go to a party, they put a little line out for you. | ||
| They see me, and they go, oh, oh, it's him! | ||
| It's him! | ||
| And he talked about doing this gigantic line of coke and almost having a heart attack. | ||
| He used to do jokes about the fact that people expected him to be this mad party animal. | ||
| And the act itself took a backseat to the lifestyle. | ||
| The act itself took a backseat to the chaos. | ||
| Like, a lot of comics go, they fluctuate, like you'll like one special better, and then, you know, the next one maybe you won't like at all, and then the next one will be even better. | ||
| You know, like, there's guys that I really love, but I only love, like, even Prior. | ||
| There's some of his ones that I don't enjoy as much as other ones. | ||
| Eddie Murphy, same way. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But... | ||
| You know, they go up and they go down depending on how much attention they're putting to the act, depending on how much other stuff they're doing on the side. | ||
| What's going on in their life. | ||
| But in my opinion, Kinison is the best example for young comics of what can happen. | ||
| How you can go from, in my opinion, being the greatest of all time with Louder Than Hell to being really mediocre towards his later work. | ||
| Like, just no joke. | ||
| I mean, are you saying that is like, look at this is what can happen? | ||
| You don't want that? | ||
| You definitely don't want that. | ||
| So who would be somebody, not the opposite of Sam, somebody who kind of... | ||
| Turned it around a little bit, or... | ||
| Turned it around, I don't know. | ||
| Not turned it out, but... | ||
| Maintained it? | ||
| Maintained the level and even improved on it? | ||
| Louis C.K. is a good example of that. | ||
| Okay, there you go. | ||
| Dave Attell is a great example of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dave Attell. | |
| Dave Attell constantly maintains, constantly adds on. | ||
| Dave Chappelle is another great example. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chappelle. | |
| If you see Chappelle, I mean, Chappelle had that, like, incident. | ||
| Didn't, weren't you on tour? | ||
| I was there in Hartford. | ||
| I did the whole Oddball tour with him. | ||
| What the fuck happened there? | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| First of all, that Hartford show was announced late, okay? | ||
| So everything was set, and they said, well, why don't we do Hartford on a Thursday? | ||
| Most of the shows are done Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. | ||
| So they said, let's do Hartford on a Thursday. | ||
| And these are the shows we did. | ||
| You know, it's Dallas, Houston, Austin, New York, Boston, Detroit. | ||
| Big cities. | ||
| Hartford's not really that big of a city. | ||
| Anyway, Thursday night, the ticket sales were kind of soft, and they released a lot of tickets. | ||
| So I went on and did my thing on the side stage. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| I didn't notice any, like, bad energy or these guys are punks or white trash or tough or whatever. | ||
| I had fun. | ||
| And then I went inside to the amphitheater and... | ||
| It seemed okay. | ||
| I mean, you couldn't hear. | ||
| I mean, it wasn't sold out. | ||
| There's maybe 10,000 people there or so. | ||
| But the acoustics weren't all that great, and the acts weren't having all that much fun based, I think, off the acoustics, maybe a little bit of the crowd. | ||
| And then Dave went on. | ||
| And actually, I left kind of right after he went on. | ||
| I shuttled back to the hotel, which was around the corner. | ||
| And then Jeff Ross came back in. | ||
| It was just on Twitter that... | ||
| That Dave Chappelle started reading a book on stage and had a meltdown and was just sitting there and smoking a cigarette and caused... | ||
| Not chaos, but they were booing him or walking out. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| And that just started the buzz. | ||
| He had a meltdown. | ||
| And I saw him that night in the elevator. | ||
| And I'm not really friendly with him. | ||
| He knows my face. | ||
| And he was just basically still fuming at the audience knowing they... | ||
| They almost don't know comedy. | ||
| He was upset with the audience at that point. | ||
| But you didn't feel like it was a bad audience. | ||
| When you were on stage, it wasn't a bad audience. | ||
| My experience, my little stage that I would do for every city, it was par for the course up to that. | ||
| I mean, that was our fourth show. | ||
| So you think they were saving their douchiness for him, maybe? | ||
| I mean, I don't know if they were saving it. | ||
| I just think that maybe because... | ||
| Yeah, maybe it attracted that kind of crowd that's going to yell out stuff and like, bring up Chappelle, forget about Flight of the Conchords, we're drunk, it's Thursday night, it's Hartford. | ||
| Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| Flight of the Conchords went on before Chappelle? | ||
| Yeah, they always would. | ||
| How long does that go on for? | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| They did very well. | ||
| They were solid. | ||
| They would do about 55 minutes. | ||
| They have a very big following. | ||
| So they have a very big following. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| They have a very big following. | ||
| And to me, they were... | ||
| Why did you have to chime in that they're awesome? | ||
| Because I love them. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| I love their show, too. | ||
| It doesn't have anything to do with this. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But every night they came on and they did their hour and they were solid. | ||
| They kept the couples happy. | ||
| They had fans of the show. | ||
| There's monitors everywhere. | ||
| Occasionally you would hear someone, hey, where's Chappelle? | ||
| Once in a while. | ||
| And then other people just sat there and they know, okay, Chappelle's going to come on an hour. | ||
| They had a set list. | ||
| And then Chappelle would come on and do his thing. | ||
| So I thought it was a nice, it was a good bit of doing the lineup, having Chappelle close it. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird, though, to go on after a musical act. | ||
| You know that as a comedian. | ||
| When a musical act goes up and then you go on afterwards, it's a weird energy thing. | ||
| Well, I mean, they would end, and then the DJ starts up. | ||
| Then you get the hip-hop going. | ||
| It changes the whole vibe. | ||
| It's about a 15-minute switchover. | ||
| 15 minutes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not like, goodnight, Flight of Concords, boom, Dave Chappelle. | ||
| It's like, okay. | ||
| It's like a live music show. | ||
| They're done. | ||
| They take the stage off, and then the hip-hop guy starts going. | ||
| People are dancing, feeling excited. | ||
| Chappelle's going to come out. | ||
| And then maybe after eight or nine minutes, the curtain drops, and people get more excited. | ||
| So you didn't exactly see the actual set he had. | ||
| That particular night at Hartford, that moment, no. | ||
| I saw, you know, I saw... | ||
| I either would watch Chappelle take the stage from the side of the stage, or I would watch him from the audience take the stage and probably... | ||
| You know, 13 out of 16 times I saw that. | ||
| Well, he's... | ||
| Anyway, he's a great example of a guy who hasn't gotten worse, got better. | ||
| Probably Bill Burr, another example. | ||
| Bill Burr's on the rise. | ||
| Joey Diaz. | ||
| Joey. | ||
| Joey got better. | ||
| He's in that new movie. | ||
| I saw him. | ||
| He's in one of the commercials for that De Niro-Stalone thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Should be interesting. | ||
| So there are guys that are getting better, I guess. | ||
| You know, Kenison, for whatever reason. | ||
| Maybe the drugs got to him, the fame. | ||
| I know he would do that main room and... | ||
| It's all the above, man. | ||
| All the above can get to you, for sure. | ||
| Anything can get to you. | ||
| Anything that takes your focus away from the actual art itself. | ||
| I found that before when I'm too busy with my life that my comedy suffered. | ||
| Too busy with other stuff outside of comedy, my stand-up suffers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's the worst feeling. | ||
| I don't mind if other things I do don't work that well, but what I really mind is when stand-up doesn't work that well. | ||
| That really drives me fucking crazy. | ||
| It is different just being off stage for three to four days. | ||
| You go back up there and it's like, whoa, this is kind of wobbly. | ||
| I'm a little different. | ||
| I mean, that's how I feel, you know, just maybe at the comedy store, for example, or, you know, one of these shows around town. | ||
| Yeah, and when you take like a couple of months off. | ||
| Oh, I've never done that. | ||
| I've never done that. | ||
| Isn't it weird how comedy is one of those things? | ||
| It's almost like running. | ||
| Like you have to get in comedy shape. | ||
| Comedy shape and stay there. | ||
| Stay there. | ||
| Don't fuck around. | ||
| If you get out of comedy shape, it's scary. | ||
| It's hard to get back in. | ||
| I've had that feeling and it's not fun. | ||
| Not fun. | ||
| But I've heard you mention a lot how podcasting is cross-training. | ||
| I believe it is. | ||
| I believe podcasting is cross-training and oddly enough I think that podcasting and stand-up Also, help my MMA commentary. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| MMA commentary, for me, is like, you know, you and I have had many conversations about sports, because I don't know shit about sports. | ||
| It's always a goof when you try to explain to me something that's happening. | ||
| But... | ||
| MMA is the only sport that I really, really, really pay attention to. | ||
| I watch every fucking thing I can. | ||
| I watch all the AXS TV fights from small organizations. | ||
| I watch probably 15 hours of MMA a week. | ||
| You watch it as homework or just you love it? | ||
| I just like it. | ||
| I always like it. | ||
| I watch in the background while I'm writing sometimes. | ||
| I like watching fights. | ||
| I've always liked watching fights and not just like, not necessarily even for brutality. | ||
| I watch like jujitsu matches where no one gets hurt. | ||
| You know, guys just tap. | ||
| I like watching technique. | ||
| I like watching guys who know what they're doing. | ||
| I like watching people overcome specific challenges. | ||
| Like an MMA, in my opinion, is probably the most difficult physical challenge a person can attempt to try to be an MMA champion. | ||
| So when I see, you know, if I watch, or Muay Thai is another thing I watch a lot of. | ||
| I watch a lot of kickboxing. | ||
| A lot of kickboxing, man. | ||
| Whenever it's on TV, I watch the Glory promotions. | ||
| Glory is this new organization that's on Spike TV. Fucking incredible, man. | ||
| The highest level kickboxers in the world. | ||
| And they're all fighting on Spike TV. And they've got this big organization called Glory. | ||
| So it's developing all this new talent. | ||
| And it's also getting people really excited about kickboxing. | ||
| Sort of the same way they got excited about MMA. And I think that... | ||
| Whether it's that or whether it's wrestling or jujitsu or kickboxing, what I get out of that is when you're watching the best guys in the world do something, whatever the fuck it is, especially when it's something as dangerous as combat sports, you get a charge out of watching people perform and compete. | ||
| I find that it's very motivational. | ||
| It's very inspirational. | ||
| It's very motivational. | ||
| It gives me energy. | ||
| And you're right there ringside. | ||
| You feel it. | ||
| And then you're obviously in the octagon after you're feeling that. | ||
| Yeah, you feel it, man. | ||
| You feel it. | ||
| You hear the slap of the impact of shins on heads and thighs and fucking fists to belly. | ||
| You feel all of it. | ||
| You feel the body slams. | ||
| You feel it on the table. | ||
| My hand's on the table. | ||
| And when guys get slammed, boom, on the mat. | ||
| I literally could feel it in my hands often. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that helps you have a better empathy for these guys. | ||
| Yeah, well, I think I've always had empathy and sympathy or tried to relate. | ||
| You know, I've never fought mixed martial arts before, but I had a lot of Taekwondo matches, and I had a lot of kickboxing, or had a few kickboxing matches, but a lot of time kickboxing, a lot of time sparring, a lot of years invested in martial arts and in martial arts competition. | ||
| So I kind of have a sense, without doing it, of what it means to these guys. | ||
| So it means a lot to me. | ||
| But there's a lot of issues with MMA as it stands today. | ||
| Judging, and there's a lot of issues with the way fights are scored, the actual scoring system itself, and refereeing. | ||
| Is it something that's fixable, or is this typical growth of the sport? | ||
| No, it's definitely stuff that's fixable. | ||
| The UFC's done its best. | ||
| I think they need to update the gloves, too. | ||
| I think there's a real problem with guys getting poked in the eyes. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| I really don't like that at all. | ||
| It drives me crazy. | ||
| It happens too often. | ||
| It seems to me like, you know, there's that old expression, doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result. | ||
| Insanity. | ||
| The definition of insanity. | ||
| And that's what we're doing with MMA. We're doing the same things over and over again. | ||
| We have these open finger gloves, and guys keep getting poked in the eyes. | ||
| And we're having a lot of detached retinas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| A lot of guys are having eye surgery. | ||
| Michael Bisping had eye surgery. | ||
| Alan Belcher had eye surgery. | ||
| Quite a few guys have had issues with their eyes. | ||
| So that's a fixable problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mittens. | |
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| Fixable issue. | ||
| Mittens are dead right. | ||
| My idea was to come up with something that pads the knuckles, but there's a smooth cover over the tip of the fingers. | ||
| A smooth cover. | ||
| Because in grappling, you don't really grab like this. | ||
| Most of what you do, you grab like this. | ||
| You hook like this. | ||
| Gene LaBelle was actually showing me yesterday the way that he does it, which is different. | ||
| He likes to squeeze down on all the fingers. | ||
| He likes to get his thumb in here and squeeze down like that because he feels like it's harder to break. | ||
| And he might be right there. | ||
| Ouch. | ||
| But in any case... | ||
| You're okay doing this, like palm to palm. | ||
| There's a deviation in the way you have to grapple anyway between straight grappling with no gloves on and MMA because of the size of the gloves itself. | ||
| MMA, they do use gloves. | ||
| Yes, yes, you do use gloves. | ||
| Is there bear gloves anywhere? | ||
| Not in America, but I'm sure they're still doing it in other parts of the world. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure. | ||
| In Brazil, that was how it all started out. | ||
| They called it Vale Tudo, which means anything goes. | ||
| And with the early UFCs, it was bare knuckle. | ||
| In fact, Tank Abbott was the first guy to voluntarily wear gloves. | ||
| He decided to wear these Chuck Norris gloves he used to buy from Century. | ||
| He decided to wear those. | ||
| Into the octagon. | ||
| I'm pretty sure he was the first guy in the UFC to wear gloves. | ||
| And then Vitor started wearing those gloves. | ||
| A lot of guys started wearing those gloves. | ||
| And then it became mandatory. | ||
| But when Vitor fought in the UFC when he was 19 years old in Dothan, Alabama, UFC 12, he wore those gloves and no one else had ever seen those fucking gloves before. | ||
| Besides Tank Abbott. | ||
| I think it was Tank Abbott was the only one who had worn them. | ||
| So Vitor wearing him to a bare knuckle fight. | ||
| Like, I know a lot of the guys that were in that tournament with him, they were fighting bare knuckle. | ||
| And Vitor came out, and because of the padding on the gloves, you could really tee off on guys. | ||
| You don't have to worry about protecting your knuckles. | ||
| Yeah, you're not going to hurt your knuckles. | ||
| So that's been, you know, that was the first thing that they did, you know, the adding of the gloves, which I think was a good step. | ||
| But I think the next step is really figuring out how to cover the fingertips. | ||
| Too many guys are getting poked. | ||
| Speaking of the poking, can I use the restroom real quick again? | ||
| I'm sorry! | ||
| Use the restroom and we're going to wrap this up. | ||
| Okay, I'll be right back. | ||
| Your show is Brody. | ||
| Enjoy it. | ||
| When is it on? | ||
| Brody Stevens. | ||
| Enjoy it. | ||
| Every Sunday, 9 o'clock at night. | ||
| Who's your lead-in? | ||
| What's on right before you? | ||
| It's 12 o'clock. | ||
| Is it Bintosh? | ||
| I thought it was 12 o'clock. | ||
| Midnight, right? | ||
| What did I say? | ||
| You said 9 o'clock. | ||
| Oh, I get confused. | ||
| Well, 9 o'clock... | ||
| Midnight for the next... | ||
| Six weeks. | ||
| So two a night, six weeks to go. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Twelve episodes, two a night for six weeks. | ||
| Well, let's watch the shit out of that show and make Brody a goddamn star. | ||
| I'm going to come back, though, and then we'll talk. | ||
| Let me go urinate and then we wrap. | ||
| We'll play your preview. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It never seems like he's doing material at all. | |
| He's just yelling. | ||
| Blue, color, Jewish, I just get it! | ||
| It never was about the jokes. | ||
| It was about the in-between of the jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why did you not laugh? | |
| He really was so different from everybody else doing comedy that we saw. | ||
| He used to be strange and it was always just funny. | ||
| Then it just became strange. | ||
| From the network that doesn't do drama. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think I asked him, are you on your medication? | |
| And he said no. | ||
| Daniel, will you kick up for me and tell him I'm not crazy? | ||
| Comes a brand new drama. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Were you in a mental hospital? | |
| I wanted to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| It's about family. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You'll be doing alright if you get some jokes. | |
| This is part of the process, having your mom tell you that you're not funny. | ||
| Friendship. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello? | |
| Hey Zach, it's Brody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey Brody, sorry, I have a telemarketer on the other line. | |
| And being funny. | ||
| I think he said it's funniest when he's lost complete control. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brody offstage and onstage, not much of a difference. | |
| You're gonna hang out with Brody, you just have to enjoy it. | ||
| I mean, pardon the pun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I watch this thing, I'm thinking this Brody guy is weird. | |
| Yeah! | ||
| Brody Stevens, enjoy it. | ||
| Comedy Central's first drama. | ||
|
unidentified
|
New episodes, Sundays at midnight, starting December 1st. | |
| I like how they call it a drama. | ||
| Why are they doing that? | ||
| Because it is very documentary style of Brody. | ||
| They just follow him around pretty much and hang out and edit it together. | ||
| Yeah, but it's funny. | ||
| So how's it a drama? | ||
| Yeah, it's because there's a lot of drama in it, I guess. | ||
| You know what they're doing? | ||
| They're just avoiding calling it a reality show. | ||
| Yeah, true. | ||
| That's what they're doing. | ||
| They're calling it our first drama, which is probably smart, that avoids the stink of reality shows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stink? | |
| Yeah, the word reality show because of the Kardashians and all these fucking pawn shows and all this nonsense where you know they're bullshitting you. | ||
| You know it's set-up scenarios. | ||
| When you see a set-up scenario after a set-up, you don't have any of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what we can call the drama. | ||
| I think it shouldn't be a drama. | ||
| I think it should be the actual reality. | ||
| Comedy Central's first drama. | ||
| It's a joke. | ||
| Oh, it's a joke. | ||
| That's a joke. | ||
| It's a wink-wink. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, there is drama, but there's also comedy. | |
| You want to know what's comedy? | ||
| January 24th, I'll be at the Chicago Theater. | ||
| Tickets go on sale tomorrow morning, early. | ||
| Presale. | ||
| Starts early. | ||
| It'll be on my Twitter. | ||
| The presale password is finale. | ||
| That's January 24th. | ||
| I don't know who's going to be with me. | ||
| We haven't figured it out yet. | ||
| But we're going to have a party, bitches. | ||
| It should be a lot of fun. | ||
| Chicago in January. | ||
| How do you go wrong? | ||
| And we'll be back tomorrow with that dude who worked for Marineland. | ||
| It should be Phil. | ||
| Phil Demers. | ||
| Should be pretty fucking fascinating, man. | ||
| This is going to be really bizarre. | ||
| He's going to talk about all the shit that he went through at Marineland and training a walrus, and apparently he's going to tell us some disturbing shit. | ||
| What do you got going on? | ||
| Just me and Brody and Sam Tripoli. | ||
| Brody said he's not going. | ||
| No, I'm going to check with my sister. | ||
| I'll know for sure tonight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's... | |
| She's sending me these files and excels and downloads. | ||
| Enjoy it! | ||
| Enjoy it. | ||
| You got it. | ||
| Helping Mom out. | ||
| Crest Theater, December 13th with Tony Hinchcliffe and at the Mirage in Vegas on December 27th with Brian Callen and Joey Diaz. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Off the chain, bitches. | ||
| That show that I was talking about is December 11th, by the way, at the San Jose Improv. | ||
| Okay, that's a different show. | ||
| Brody Stevens, Brian Redband, Sam Tripoli, San Jose Improv, an awesome venue, one of the best clubs in the country. | ||
| 98% confirmed. | ||
| 18% gay, that club. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| The club is 50% less gay than you. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Oh, come on, Joe. | ||
| The Crest Theater in Sacramento, that's December 13th, and again, the Mirage, December 27th. | ||
| I'll be at the Aquafresh Theater. | ||
| Getting your shit together, Brody. | ||
| We love the fuck out of you, buddy. | ||
| And don't let anybody give you a hard time online. | ||
| They can all go fuck themselves, man. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| You got it. | ||
| You've been a friend, Joe. | ||
| I felt... | ||
| You know I love you, Brody Stevens. | ||
| Great being here. | ||
| Thank you, Red Band. | ||
| Thank you, everybody. | ||
| Thank you, Ting. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com and get your freak on rogan.ting.com. | ||
| Save yourself some money, bitches. | ||
| Ha! | ||
| Thanks also. | ||
| Was today Carbonite? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| God damn it. | ||
| I gotta figure out a way to better organize my shitty laptop. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Carbonite.com. | ||
| Use the code word J-R-E and get your free trial plus two free bonus months with your subscription. | ||
| That's Carbonite.com. | ||
| And the offer code is J-R-E. And, of course, thanks to Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name Rogue and save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| All right, we'll be back tomorrow. | ||
| A lot of shit going on, folks. | ||
| Lots to come. | ||
| Lots of cool people next week as well. | ||
| And in the future, we got Cliffy B coming. | ||
| We got Stefan Molyneux. | ||
| We got a lot of very interesting guests, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| And we're looking forward to talking. | ||
| And you, you know, whatever. | ||
| Listening, I guess? | ||
| Keep your clothes on. | ||
| Keep your shit together. | ||
| We'll see you soon. | ||
| Enjoy it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Enjoy it. |
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