Sept. 16, 2013 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:52:58
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hello, sweet freak bitches from space. | ||
| We are here. | ||
| We are queer. | ||
| Get used to it. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| We're here, we're queer, get used to it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, alright. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I marched in about ten of those. | ||
| Problem with that is, what about all the people that were used to it? | ||
| You know? | ||
| You don't have to get all fucking aggro. | ||
| I'm happy for you. | ||
| here I'm used to it I'm used to it. | ||
| Do you really have to yell outside my window, though, as you walk by with a million of your friends? | ||
| You know, if you live in San Francisco and you're on that fucking parade route, boy. | ||
| That route, that's the one, too. | ||
| Don't plan on taking a nap that day. | ||
| West Hollywood? | ||
| West Hollywood one is on and popping. | ||
| It might be the bigger one. | ||
| West Hollywood might be the biggest gay spot. | ||
| San Francisco still has the reputation as the biggest gay spot, but how can it fuck with Hollywood? | ||
| There's more people here, man. | ||
| And that area is all gay. | ||
| There's no one area in San Francisco where it's all gay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, there's areas in San Francisco where there's a lot of gay folks that live. | ||
| But, like, West Hollywood is that one stretch of Santa Monica Boulevard with all the gay bars. | ||
| They just own a neighborhood. | ||
| And that shit is on lock. | ||
| It's like Mafia Run. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And if you go anywhere near there, be prepared to suck a dick. | ||
| Because someone's going to stuff one in your mouth. | ||
| I mean, it's going to happen. | ||
| There's only one way to find out. | ||
| Let's go to both of them. | ||
| Like, it'd be Joe Rogan questions everything for the gays. | ||
| Gay parades. | ||
| How should we dress? | ||
| We'll get to the bottom of it. | ||
| You should definitely fucking do that. | ||
| You should go in some real BDSM leather shit with a fucking chain strap. | ||
| I don't want to question that. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| But I feel like... | ||
| I don't know, dude. | ||
| I think there are neighborhoods. | ||
| What's the neighborhood in San Francisco? | ||
| I was just handed something that says, move over New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles. | ||
| Columbus, Ohio is now the nation's number one gay city. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Is that true? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| I mean, if you're gay and you're on a budget, why fuck around? | ||
| You should get a really nice spread in Columbus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, why the fuck would you want to pay L.A. prices for a house? | ||
| L.A. prices for houses are goddamn ridiculous. | ||
| They are so stupid. | ||
| And the money in this city, too, that you like... | ||
| I rent a place. | ||
| I rent a house. | ||
| The house across from me just sold... | ||
| And it sold for like $850,000. | ||
| So I'm like, wow, that's a lot of money, man. | ||
| $850,000. | ||
| They're tearing it down. | ||
| The teardown started yesterday. | ||
| And they're going to put up some jamming. | ||
| Right, but I'm saying that's the money that it puts into my mind where I go, Jesus. | ||
| It's like, not only do I not... | ||
| It's an $850,000 house just out of my league. | ||
| That's a nice goal to get to. | ||
| They're like, no, we got it. | ||
| I'm going to tear that shit down and I'm going to build some shit I want. | ||
| So you spent $850,000 just to get the lot of land. | ||
| Fuck the house. | ||
| Now I'm going to spend money to build my house. | ||
| Well, you know what Arnold did? | ||
| He lived in the Palisades. | ||
| He bought the neighbor and then just leveled his house and said, I want a yard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's fucking another house. | ||
| He bought like a $4 million house and just fucking leveled it. | ||
| That's wow. | ||
| He's like, I want the place to kick my ball. | ||
| I mean, he didn't even buy it and move his mom in or something. | ||
| I need grass, man. | ||
| He just leveled that bitch. | ||
| He didn't want to have family closer. | ||
| No, no thank you. | ||
| That just puts it... | ||
| See, that takes us another level. | ||
| Yeah, that's super ballin'. | ||
| We're supposed to do commercials, but at this point, it just feels like we shouldn't do commercials. | ||
| We just keep doing what we're doing. | ||
| But I have a certain amount of week on it. | ||
| I guess I have to do. | ||
| Run your spot, man. | ||
| You know what I'll do? | ||
| I'll just shove them all in tomorrow. | ||
| Fuck commercials. | ||
| No commercials at all. | ||
| I'll shove them all in tomorrow, and tomorrow we got Matt Fultron. | ||
| That should be a badass podcast. | ||
| Full charges in the house. | ||
| And then on Wednesday, we got Kathleen Madigan. | ||
| Oh, snap. | ||
| Old-school, all-time woman's great. | ||
| I put her top 10 all-time woman comedian of all time. | ||
| And people say, like, you shouldn't do that. | ||
| You shouldn't categorize men and women. | ||
| But you do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you do. | |
| So there you go. | ||
| So tough shit. | ||
| There's all-time black guys. | ||
| There's all-time white guys. | ||
| There's all-time drunk guys. | ||
| Everybody gets all-time gay guys. | ||
| Who's on your all-time drunk list? | ||
| Stan Hope, number one, for sure. | ||
| Not even close. | ||
| He's not even a close second. | ||
| Attell's number two when he was in his prime. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When Itel was in his prime and he was out there fucking hammering it on a regular, he was hammering it hard. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And he's a brilliant, brilliant comedian on top of that. | ||
| He has some of the... | ||
| He has lines that are in our lexicon, like my personal one. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, he had a joke one time about puppies, and he was like, puppies? | ||
| P-U-U-P-E-S! He always said, like, silly shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
To this day, I still say P-U-U-P-E-S. He did an album. | |
| He recorded it at the Comedy Works in Denver. | ||
| Skanks for the memories. | ||
| Yeah, one of my all-time favorites. | ||
| And one of the reasons why I want to record my next special there. | ||
| I mean, I have to call Wendy and ask her if she's cool with it. | ||
| My next Comedy Central special, I want to record in Denver. | ||
| That's fucking right. | ||
| And I want to record in that little spot. | ||
| Because that club, I don't think it seats... | ||
| Even 300 people, right? | ||
| Is it about 250, perhaps? | ||
| The downtown one is probably, I would say it's probably just under 300. And then the other one is much larger. | ||
| The other one's a little over 400. Yeah. | ||
| But that one is perfect. | ||
| That one downtown. | ||
| It's like the perfect comedy club. | ||
| It's like literally impossible to get a better club. | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| Everybody's locked in their seats. | ||
| The seats don't move all over the place. | ||
| You're in your spot. | ||
| That's your spot. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| The table's welded to the fucking floor. | ||
| And because of that, they've gotten all these people in. | ||
| And it's plenty of room to enjoy a show. | ||
| Everyone has their own little table. | ||
| It's a dope setup. | ||
| Wendy's a badass bitch. | ||
| She's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| She's badass. | ||
| And I call her a bitch with all due respect. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I love her. | ||
| She's a very nice person. | ||
| She's one of the reasons why I moved to Colorado in the first place. | ||
| She knows how to run a club, man. | ||
| Well, I knew she had a real community. | ||
| I was like, if I'm going to live somewhere outside of L.A. and still do stand-up, I need to go to a real community. | ||
| And the thing about Colorado is they're really fucking around there. | ||
| There's a lot of people there that are trying out shit. | ||
| There's a lot of people there that are, you know, there's good comedy. | ||
| They're like developing their own good, real comedy. | ||
| Way before comedy, I did comedy. | ||
| That was my number one choice for college. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Denver University, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's so beautiful. | ||
| I didn't get in. | ||
| Have you seen all the floodings there? | ||
| It's crazy, dude. | ||
| Dude, like roads washed away completely. | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| Five people dead. | ||
| Hundreds missing. | ||
| Hundreds of people unaccounted for. | ||
| Yeah, all my friends' basements are flooded. | ||
| Yeah, well, we saw some people on the Rogan board. | ||
| They posted photos, and I saw some on CNN and some other different places. | ||
| It's insane, man. | ||
| It's really crazy shit. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that giant chunk of street missing. | ||
| There was a video that they had online that had this giant chunk of street just wash away in front of these people and their cars fell into it and they were videoing the waterfall smashing into these cars. | ||
| It was like, what? | ||
| That used to be a street just 10 minutes ago? | ||
| What was happening there where I feel like we knew floods were coming? | ||
| Really? | ||
| I thought there was news about these floods coming. | ||
| Do you remember that or no? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't pay attention until it's too late. | ||
| I'm like, what if there's a typhoon in Japan? | ||
| Oh, that sucks. | ||
| Yeah, there's a typhoon that's going to hit Fukushima. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| They're already releasing radioactive rainwater into the ocean. | ||
| What they call low-level radiation. | ||
| It's a low-level poison. | ||
| Would you go to Japan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've been to Japan. | |
| I don't want to go anymore. | ||
| Because of that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that situation... | ||
| Look... | ||
| Obviously I'm an idiot, and obviously I'm paranoid. | ||
| Take those two things into account, but I'm worried about what happens if, while you're there, another earthquake hits. | ||
| What if there's another earthquake that hits while you're there, and they get hit with another fucking tsunami? | ||
| If it happened once, just a couple years ago, it can happen again. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And I think that situation is very unstable. | ||
| They're coming up with all these unique and novel ways to try to contain the radioactive water. | ||
| For folks who don't understand it, and I'm one of them, but I'm going to reiterate some shit that somebody said that doesn't understand it, what they were basically saying is you can't cool that shit down. | ||
| You have to continue to pump water on it in order to try to cool that area down. | ||
| It's already melted through its containment area, so the radioactive waste is already somehow or another in the ground. | ||
| So there's that. | ||
| And then they're pouring millions of gallons of water on that thing. | ||
| Millions and millions and millions. | ||
| And a lot of it is seeping right back into the ocean. | ||
| So you're getting all this... | ||
| Intense radiation entering into the ocean at unprecedented levels in mankind. | ||
| There's literally never been a moment in humankind where the earth had a spill like this, where we irradiated an ocean. | ||
| Most of that stuff that's on land is much more containable, like Chernobyl's more containable. | ||
| It's a fucked up place. | ||
| It's a dark, dark situation in Chernobyl, but it's in Chernobyl. | ||
| This shit is going to go over the whole ocean. | ||
| It's getting out there, and it's floating, and people are like, hey man, you're being a prophet of doom, and you don't even really know, and you're talking all this crazy stuff. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| But I might be reading like really... | ||
| I'm not reading like any crazy, you know, conspiracy news sites that are giving me this information. | ||
| I'm reading like pretty much all the mainstream sites. | ||
| No one is saying it's going to be okay. | ||
| I haven't heard anybody that says, relax about Fukushima. | ||
| Everything's going to be cool. | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| They're trying to build a giant hole in the ground and they're going to stick these cones all around it and then freeze these cones to make a wall of ice. | ||
| So they have to have all this radioactive water contained in this fucking enormous, several mile wide containment area. | ||
| Just to try to do something. | ||
| Just for water. | ||
| Just radioactive water that they're pouring on these rods to try to cool it off. | ||
| Again, I don't know exactly if that's how it works. | ||
| This has to affect seafood from that area, too, right? | ||
| They've already shown a 3% rise in the radiation of some fish. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And that just happened. | ||
| And then we consume that, though. | ||
| It takes a while to get to us. | ||
| It might not even get to us for a year or so. | ||
| But a year or so, they might be telling you, hey, it's probably not the best idea to go in the water. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| You're talking about a massive spill that doesn't end. | ||
| And it's going to be like that for hundreds of thousands of years. | ||
| And I've had people tweet me about this, and they're like, well, it's all diluted, and you have to realize how big the ocean is. | ||
| And you're totally right. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I'm probably looking at it wrong. | ||
| I'm probably being an alarmist. | ||
| But it's never going to stop leaking. | ||
| Do you get that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's never going to stop. | ||
| What might not be a horrific catastrophe today could easily be one 50 years from now if they can never get it to stop. | ||
| Part of the reason why people aren't freaking out is because we always have this optimism about human ingenuity. | ||
| We're going to figure out a way. | ||
| We're not going to figure out a way with that. | ||
| The nuclear thing is a weird thing. | ||
| It's a weird thing because it does work most of the time. | ||
| And everybody wants to stress that. | ||
| Like, listen, you're being an alarmist about nuclear power. | ||
| It does work most of the time. | ||
| But people have only been alive for how long? | ||
| What is the agreement? | ||
| Is it 100,000 years or something like that? | ||
| Let's say a million in this form. | ||
| Let's say we've been around a million years. | ||
| In the last 100, we've made three spots where you can never go again. | ||
| As long as they've been human beings alive, that's how long into the future it's likely that area is going to be irradiated. | ||
| What are the three? | ||
| Chernobyl, Four Mile Island... | ||
| And then this one, Fukushima. | ||
| Those three spots are gone. | ||
| We don't own those spots anymore. | ||
| The universe owns those spots. | ||
| Physics own those spots. | ||
| The insanity of atomic power own those spots. | ||
| And it's this very weird situation where nobody wants to admit that that's a striking number. | ||
| Three in the 60 plus years that it's been active, three places are useless. | ||
| What's a thousand years from now? | ||
| You mean just take the time and do the math? | ||
| You can't stop it. | ||
| Unless you come up with some insane new technology that figures out a way to contain that radiation, you're always going to deal with a really bizarre problem. | ||
| A problem in that if you use it, you make the area around you Unsafe for life. | ||
| Forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Forever. | |
| For 100,000 years. | ||
| I mean, what is 100,000 years? | ||
| You can't even wrap your head around that. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| There was no civilization 100,000 years ago. | ||
| Zilch, none, nothing. | ||
| Everybody agrees. | ||
| Even Graham Hancock agrees. | ||
| All the craziest theorists about backdating civilization, they all go 100,000 years ago. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We were fucking throwing spears, you know, wooden sticks that we sharpened at the end. | ||
| We probably didn't know how to use fire yet. | ||
| Imagine life here 100 years ago. | ||
| Dude, there was no language 100,000 years ago. | ||
| They think language is 40,000 years old. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was all just... | ||
| Just grunts and points and shit and showing by example and screaming. | ||
| It'd be some really successful comics. | ||
| Yeah, it would be like the best time ever for a lot of comics. | ||
| There's no words, man. | ||
| We don't even need any words. | ||
| It's hard to believe that we're willing to gamble, that we're going to fix that. | ||
| Do you ever read about how many, I was fascinated by how many languages go extinct like every year. | ||
| There's languages that, you know, there's obviously like the huge languages that millions and even billions of people speak, but then every year there are languages that they're trying to preserve by continuing to speak them and you know people learn the language just to have it, like an endangered species. | ||
| And then it just goes away. | ||
| Yeah, I saw an article recently on this guy who was like the last guy to know this language. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they had studied this dude, and he had tried to communicate it with them, and then he fucking died. | ||
| Yeah, and that's what happens with a lot of the native cultures, like Native American tribes that had a specific language, and they're like, they pass along, pass along, and then, you know, it becomes like not important or not cool to pass the language, like it's not useful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then fewer and fewer people speak it. | ||
| Like, they found languages. | ||
| I think even in South America, like in the jungles, that they thought this group and language had gone whatever, extinct forever, and found that they're still living in the jungles. | ||
| You know, I don't know anything but English, but you know Spanish. | ||
| You speak Spanish fluently. | ||
| Yeah, pretty well. | ||
| Well, I've seen you talk to people. | ||
| Pretty fluid. | ||
| Especially to me, that doesn't speak anything. | ||
| So, how much different are those two as a language? | ||
| Like, you have to think differently, right? | ||
| That's the reason why a lot of people who are from another country make the same mistakes over and over again, whether it's German people or Brazilian people. | ||
| A lot of them make the same kind of mistakes. | ||
| It's because the whole structure of sentences is different. | ||
| It's true, yeah. | ||
| Like in Spanish, you say something... | ||
| Like, you know, you say chocolate milk in English, and there you would say milk of chocolate, right? | ||
| That's how you say that. | ||
| Leche de chocolate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| But so, like, if you're trying to do literal translations sometimes, the way that you would say it... | ||
| You have to reconstruct it. | ||
| But it comes easier to you if you're hearing it all the time. | ||
| I used to hear Spanish every day. | ||
| I mean, you know, for the first 18 years of my life, because that's what my mom spoke. | ||
| So it becomes... | ||
| You realize the way to say that. | ||
| It's automated. | ||
| Does it ever fuck with your English? | ||
| Did it fuck with your English as a kid? | ||
| Did you mix up the wrong, accidentally use a Spanish word for it, or accidentally say something in a way that you would say English, but you said it in Spanish? | ||
| I think that came more when I was... | ||
| Learning to speak more. | ||
| Like, for the longest time, my mom spoke Spanish to us, and we just spoke English to her. | ||
| So it was always a two-language conversation. | ||
| That's so weird! | ||
| And she spoke, I mean, she said everything in Spanish. | ||
| And we replied completely in English, and she completely understood us, and we completely understood her. | ||
| But our speaking Spanish wasn't as good, and her speaking English wasn't as good. | ||
| But then she started, well, my parents sent me to spend my summers in Peru. | ||
| And then that's when it greatly... | ||
| Because you already understand so much because you were exposed to it. | ||
| And then you're forced to speak it. | ||
| But when you're forced to speak it to everybody, it gets way better. | ||
| What did you do in Peru? | ||
| I would go to school, because our summers are their winters. | ||
| So I have a ton of cousins and stuff. | ||
| I would stay with one aunt and uncle. | ||
| I can't even speak English right now. | ||
| Aunt and uncle. | ||
| Aunt and uncle. | ||
| Yeah, and they had three boys that were my age, basically. | ||
| So I would go there, go to school, and just fuck around. | ||
| I mean, we were just 12, 13, 14 years old. | ||
| Just, you know, living in Lima. | ||
| And then they would come to the United States one by one for their summers to get better at English. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, so we would take turns at each other's... | ||
| They say that's one of the best ways to improve your mind. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, learning other languages and speaking in other languages. | ||
| And then also when you start to dream in those languages. | ||
| Yeah, that happens. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| That happened when I was in college. | ||
| I went to spend a semester in Spain. | ||
| And at that point, I already spoke pretty well, and then I started to do college term papers in Spanish, you know, where you're writing 20-page papers for a class on comparative economics in Spanish. | ||
| Jesus Christ, son. | ||
| And then, at that point, I mean, my Spanish now is not nearly as good as it was Like the year after I left Spain or that I was there and that whole year after. | ||
| Because it was other level. | ||
| I was dreaming in Spanish. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It was my first thoughts came to me in Spanish, you know, because it was just so much. | ||
| And it's such a high level every day. | ||
| How long do you think it would take you if you were immersed in a Spanish culture to start speaking like that again? | ||
| I think a couple years would be... | ||
| I mean, I could go and I speak to people now in Spanish and they ask me what country I'm from. | ||
| So... | ||
| They get confused. | ||
| They get confused. | ||
| Who's this weird motherfucker? | ||
| Here's the weirdest thing. | ||
| And I know it's funny, like, if people who speak Spanish know exactly what I'm talking about, I don't speak Spanish... | ||
| I speak Spanish like a South American, and you would know that it's probably from Colombia or Peru, that area, because there's very specific little accent details, just like here, when someone's from New York, from Boston, someone's from Texas, you pick up someone from Maryland, You know, someone even like specifically Baltimore has a very specific accent. | ||
| So when you speak Spanish, it's the same deal, right? | ||
| You pick up on these little details. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And people who are native Spanish speakers will go, oh, are you from Argentina? | ||
| To me all the time, even though I have nothing of an Argentine accent. | ||
| But they do it because I look like I'm more from Argentina than I am from Peru. | ||
| Isn't that interesting? | ||
| So they're associating what they see and not what they hear. | ||
| Well, Argentina is more like Spain, whereas Peru is more like Mexico than the look. | ||
| Features-wise, there's a way bigger native Indian population in Peru. | ||
| Way more. | ||
| And there's a white, Caucasian population, too. | ||
| It's just a great minority. | ||
| In Argentina, it's the opposite. | ||
| Didn't a lot of Nazis go down there when the shit hit the fan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
To Argentina? | |
| Fuck, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they did, right? | ||
| Yeah, and the most famous of all extractions, the story The House on Garibaldi Street is about... | ||
| I like how you say that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Garibaldi. | ||
| The, um, Eichmann. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Eichmann moved to Buenos Aires, and he was living in a house, and he had his family there, right? | ||
| His wife, his kids. | ||
| One of his kids told somebody in school about, like, as a secret, told a girl he was dating about the truth of his family. | ||
| Oh, no! | ||
| The girl ratted him out. | ||
| And what Israel did, which is considered unacceptable when you talk about the way that countries interact with international standards and treaties and the way that we all have kind of a diplomatic process that we go about, is they came in and Jason Bournstyle took that motherfucker, kidnapped him, flew him back to Israel and was like, we got this guy. | ||
| And they were like, what? | ||
| Like that kind of shit. | ||
| Instead of trying to go about, hey, we want to go for a whole extradition, They came in, snagged him, brought him back. | ||
| Yeah, the Israelis don't play. | ||
| Fuck no, man. | ||
| No, they don't play when it comes to that shit either. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Some girl, I mean, it's kind of a fucked up story, but some girl was a photographer, and she had gone to... | ||
| The West Bank and she took some photographs and when she was going through Israeli customs some of the photographs were like of spray paint graffiti and one of them said like fuck the Jews. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| So the dude puts her laptop down on the ground he goes I'll be right back He takes a gun, comes back and shoots the fucking laptop. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Shot the laptop and gave it back to her, the bullet hole in it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And she was like, what the fuck? | ||
| I'm a photographer. | ||
| I saw this. | ||
| I'm taking pictures of chaos. | ||
| You know, she's a Jew, by the way. | ||
| She's a Jew? | ||
| Yes, she was a Jew. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| They don't fucking play. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| Fuck the Jews. | ||
| Oh, okay, we'll be right back. | ||
| Clearly there's no explaining it either. | ||
| Like, nah, here's the thing, man. | ||
| Like, nah. | ||
| They just took it. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Doom, doom, doom. | ||
| And then the guy handed it to her. | ||
| Did you see that guy do that online? | ||
| The dad? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did he do? | |
| His daughter, this has nothing to do with racism or anything, but his daughter was complaining about her parents on Facebook. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| And like, fucking these chores. | ||
| They think I'm like their slave, like telling me I have to do all these chores. | ||
| So the guy is like, and she had her Facebook page locked. | ||
| So, like, her family couldn't see it. | ||
| Well, her dad's, like, a software guy, and he's like, you forgot, like, what I do for a living, right? | ||
| He made a video. | ||
| He's like, so I saw what you said. | ||
| So you think we mistreat you? | ||
| You're a slave in this house? | ||
| Okay, well, here's your laptop. | ||
| I just spent a few hundred dollars upgrading it. | ||
| And he puts it on the ground, and he just... | ||
| He empties like a.45 into it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He's like, I'm going to put this on your Facebook page so all your friends can see this shit. | ||
| Like, extreme. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he was like, Daddy, don't play. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| He shot it in front of her? | ||
| No, he just shot it in a video so that she would see it on her Facebook page. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Like her laptop when she got home from school. | ||
| I got confused. | ||
| I thought he was doing it in front of her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no, no. | |
| He did it like as a, you know, a message to her. | ||
| So she would go online later. | ||
| And see that on her own Facebook page. | ||
| Is this it? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| First of all, I don't think this guy understands he's putting his daughter out there like that. | ||
| It's shaming her. | ||
| It's humiliating her. | ||
| It's a douchey thing to do. | ||
| You're raising a human being. | ||
| You don't do that in front of the whole fucking world by shaming them. | ||
| Humiliation has a really profound effect. | ||
| It does, man. | ||
| And it's intense and it's unnecessary. | ||
| The guy's a father. | ||
| That said, it's pretty funny. | ||
| It's... | ||
| I mean, I don't recommend you, but if you do it, I'll watch the video. | ||
| The guy's a shithead, though. | ||
| He's a shithead, but I imagine that she stopped posting. | ||
| You might not even know he's a shithead, you know, because part of raising a kid, I don't want to sound like Dr. Oz, but part of raising a kid is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, this guy's just shooting the laptop. | |
| One, two, three, four, five, six. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And after that comment you made about your mom, your mom told me to be sure I put one there for her. | ||
| So that one's from her. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's a fucked up shit. | ||
| That's rednecks with guns. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now I'm out. | |
| Alright. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's disturbing. | ||
| That guy's a knucklehead. | ||
| That guy's a serious knucklehead. | ||
| He might not even know he's a knucklehead. | ||
| People think that when you're raising a child that you're supposed to, you know, that somehow or another their development isn't your responsibility. | ||
| They just want you to grow up on your own. | ||
| They don't want to sort of guide you along the way and explain in a nice, healthy way why what you're doing is incorrect and Here's where we're really coming from. | ||
| You know, and people just work. | ||
| They work, and they leave their kids alone. | ||
| And then when they get home, they're tired, they stick them in front of the TV, and then they wonder why this girl is ranting and raving and saying stupid shit. | ||
| A lot of the reason why kids say stupid shit is just because they're getting older, they're getting a mind of their own, they think they got it all figured out yet, or now. | ||
| But a lot of it is also because they're being raised by morons that shoot computers. | ||
| Right, and what effect is the computer shooting really going to have? | ||
| The guy's a moron. | ||
| That's a moron move. | ||
| She's going to have a gun. | ||
| She's going to think that you could just shoot laptops. | ||
| Well, she might shoot him, man. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Dude, that guy's a dick. | ||
| That's a dick move. | ||
| To not just do that, to do that's a dick move. | ||
| To put it on her fucking Facebook... | ||
| That's a super dick move. | ||
| Yeah, or she might learn that the way to handle somebody upsetting you is to shoot their shit, too. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| My daddy told me not to take no guff. | ||
| My daddy told me how to get back in a motherfucker of 45. I'll shoot your fucking football. | ||
| Light shit up, and you're like, wow, you're kind of the wrong chick for me. | ||
| Those wild redneck bitches. | ||
| Yee-haw! | ||
| Those West Virginia girls? | ||
| Finna get some dick! | ||
| Woo! | ||
| You see that? | ||
| The wild and wonderful... | ||
| You gave me that. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You gave me that. | ||
| My favorite part of that whole movie is one of the fucking absolute disasters of that family. | ||
| It's like, this right here. | ||
| She's like... | ||
| I got these Xanax, got them for like $6 a piece, roll down the street, sell them for $8 a piece, a little boot scootin' boogie right there, make some money. | ||
| You're selling it for $2 more. | ||
| Well, that's all you can get. | ||
| Right, but she's like, we're making cash today. | ||
| That's how we do. | ||
| We got $16 now, bitch. | ||
| Yeah, there's not much... | ||
| There's not much room there. | ||
| That shit's incredible. | ||
| Plus, if you go to jail, all your profits are going to get eaten up by your attorneys and your court fees. | ||
| You're going to be out of work. | ||
| But they're never out of work because they're never working, which is hilarious. | ||
| That's the best part, yeah. | ||
| When they talk to the politician, the Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia, I believe Johnny Knoxville directed it or produced it or something along those lines. | ||
| His company, I think, produced that movie, yeah. | ||
| And he just was embedded. | ||
| He was embedded in their lifestyle, and you got a chance to see them for real, legit, 100%, where they are. | ||
| And they're awesome. | ||
| And people are like, that's so depressing! | ||
| No. | ||
| You can decide it's depressing. | ||
| Or you can decide it's like a human zoo that's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's a point you're watching that movie, and you go, there's no way it can continue. | ||
| There's no way there's another character after this in this family. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And that's about 10 minutes in. | |
| And they just keep going! | ||
| And then an hour in, you're like, you've got to be shitting me right now. | ||
| And the next guy, and I shot him in this chest. | ||
| And you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| How about that one dude who had escaped the state? | ||
| He moved up to Minnesota. | ||
| He has family. | ||
| He's just sitting there. | ||
| They're all sitting around drinking going, man, they're just too fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he had to get out of there. | ||
| They're just too fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he does not belong. | ||
| That's good that he left. | ||
| He's the black sheep. | ||
| He's the guy with a job and a family. | ||
| He looked all responsible and shit. | ||
| And he's the asshole in that family. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're like, he's a fucking asshole. | |
| Because he got his shit together and left. | ||
| Yeah, he's a fucking... | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He gonna sell out. | ||
| He gonna sell out. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Work for your money. | ||
| But he had a story, too. | ||
| He had done at least one or two crazy things, I think, right? | ||
| He did at least one big crazy shit. | ||
| If you don't believe that this movie is ridiculous, you think we're exaggerating, you just gotta hear this woman, Bobby Sue, talk. | ||
| See if you can find Bobby Sue from Wild and Wonderful West. | ||
| It's Bobby Sue, right? | ||
| Wasn't it? | ||
| Sue Bob. | ||
| Sue Bob. | ||
| My name's Sue Bob. | ||
| They call me I'm the sexy one in the family. | ||
| And she's being serious. | ||
| She's kind of sexy in kind of a crazy way. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Probably the one you'd want. | ||
| A little mug of moonshine chaos. | ||
| If those were your options, I think you wouldn't be too... | ||
| If you were living up there, and that was your life, and you're selling pills for two bucks over for a living, and Subod wants to throw down, you're like, hold on, let me put the possum away. | ||
| Yeah, they are fucking epic disasters. | ||
| Yeah, and no, I don't wish they were like this. | ||
| Absolutely, I wish that they were really nice people who are normal. | ||
| Oh, that's not the one. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| That's a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I've always been the sexiest one in the family. | ||
| I've always had comments from thousands of people. | ||
| Would you do that? | ||
| You gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| If you're trapped in West Virginia and you're on a horse and there's no way out, you gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| I've always been the sexiest one in my family. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| She looked like a female version of world pool champion Johnny Archer. | ||
| Is he the sexiest one in pool? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And she's the sexiest one in the family. | ||
| Don't hate. | ||
| It just is what it is, man. | ||
| I've always been the sexiest one. | ||
| Her voice is like... | ||
| It makes you wonder if life is real. | ||
| It makes you wonder if, like, when you see that or you see Grizzly Man or any of this, it makes you wonder, man. | ||
| That clip also lets you know, it makes you wonder if life can affect your voice. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Cigarettes. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, like, that has, imagine the impact that's had. | ||
| Her voice was not always like that. | ||
| No, it couldn't have been, right? | ||
| No way. | ||
| No way, man. | ||
| That is long. | ||
| That's a lot of sleepless nights. | ||
| That's a lot of being up till 5am. | ||
| That's two minimum, like two packs of pills. | ||
| That's hard living. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Don't be scared. | ||
| Don't be scared, pussy. | ||
| Don't act like you don't think I'm sexy still. | ||
| Someone sounds like a pussy. | ||
| And then there's the mom who runs everything. | ||
| That mom is badass. | ||
| Bootscoot and boogie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's her. | |
| She's the one dealing. | ||
| What was your name? | ||
| Fuck, I don't remember, man. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| That was a goddamn good movie. | ||
| And yeah, I agree. | ||
| It's depressing. | ||
| But it is. | ||
| It's out there. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| I always talk about Stevie. | ||
| You saw Stevie? | ||
| Stevie. | ||
| The documentary? | ||
| No. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| It's super... | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| But it's also... | ||
| People are like, dude, this is a bummer. | ||
| I'm like, it's still hysterical. | ||
| What's it about? | ||
| It follows this guy, Stevie, who the filmmaker actually was like a big brother to him in like the Big Brother program or something, and goes back and revisits him like 20 years later. | ||
| And he is, like he belongs in the White's West Virginia family. | ||
| You know, he's one of those guys. | ||
| And, like, he gets... | ||
| It's... | ||
| He's fucking retarded. | ||
| I mean, there's no other, like... | ||
| Do you have a Stevie clip? | ||
| This is the only thing that came up with Stevie. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| That's not it, though, right? | ||
| That's definitely not it. | ||
| This is not acting. | ||
| You're talking about a real... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's the same guy that made Hoop Dreams. | ||
| Did you ever see Hoop Dreams? | ||
| It's a really good documentary. | ||
| No, never saw it either. | ||
| It's a really good documentary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I heard it was really good. | ||
| Fantastic. | ||
| There's so many films that I never get to, man. | ||
| Yeah, oh, me too. | ||
| I still don't have the time. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I'm like married to a few of them and then I don't really even... | ||
| There's so many out there that are so good. | ||
| Is this it? | ||
| Let's see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just very solitary, not involved with other people a whole lot. | |
| There he is. | ||
| That's Stevie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Abused and neglected. | |
| That's kind of the M.O. for somebody who molests kids. | ||
| There he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've got to look at it really cold. | |
| Because if you start looking at the human individuals, and well, yeah, he's really not that bad of a guy. | ||
| Well, why don't you look at the victim? | ||
| You know, the victim wasn't that bad of a person either. | ||
| I mean, you've given him chances in the past, and now he's gotten himself in a load of trouble, and you give him another chance? | ||
| That guy's a smooth talker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you think Steve's innocent? | |
| No, because he said he told me what he did do. | ||
| That's his sister. | ||
| I think he went after his sister's daughter. | ||
| His niece. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They might call you as a witness. | |
| If this goes to trial. | ||
| You know, this isn't the funniest clip, actually. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Let's talk about the floodings in Japan now. | ||
| So, here's the thing. | ||
| When I talk about the funny stuff in this movie, before you think I'm insane, it's because of, like, the little things, like, you know, before it all goes down... | ||
| Like, he's like, they call me Snake because I ain't afraid of them. | ||
| You know, they always call me Snake. | ||
| The guy with the glasses? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, Stevie. | ||
| And you're like, no one, no one. | ||
| Before everything went down? | ||
| You know, before he gets arrested and stuff. | ||
| And they're just following him around. | ||
| And like... | ||
| Is that him on the left? | ||
| Wearing that tie-dye shirt? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| And that's the kind of the shit I'm saying that you laugh at. | ||
| He's over here. | ||
| Go ahead and get it here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, your sister's discount. | |
| Wow. | ||
| He's just a fucking idiot, you know. | ||
| Oh man, who the fuck would leave that guy alone with your kid? | ||
| Yeah, that's a great, great question. | ||
| What a piece of shit. | ||
| He's a spectacular piece of shit. | ||
| Pieces of shit that molest kids, man. | ||
| That's a real special piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah, oh yeah. | ||
| The recidivism rate is so high, and the amount of fucked-up-edness you have to have going on to do that is so high. | ||
| That's a really bad one. | ||
| That's one that's really hard to forgive. | ||
| And that too is like, you know, even when they give in to like acknowledging what they did wrong, if you give them the space to justify it, they will. | ||
| Did you hear this Dawkins quote? | ||
| Dawkins got in a lot of trouble for talking about mild pedophilia. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's really weird, man. | ||
| What'd he say? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| I hope I'll find it for you. | ||
| He said that as long as it's not, it's just mild touching up, that your psychology would erase it. | ||
| Here, let me remark, provokes outrage. | ||
| Yeah, he said your mind would protect you from it as long as it was just mild touching up. | ||
| You know, it's really weird. | ||
| The quote is really weird. | ||
| He says that he experienced mild pedophilia in English school when he was a child in the 1950s. | ||
| Referring to his early days at boarding school in Salisbury, he recalled how one of the unnamed masters pulled me on his knee and put his hand inside my shorts. | ||
| He said other children in his school peer group had been molested by the same teacher but concluded,"'I didn't think he did any of us lasting harm.'" I'm very conscious that you can't condemn people of an earlier era by the standards of ours just as we don't look back at the 18th and 19th centuries and condemn people for racism in the same way we would condemn a modern person for racism. | ||
| I look back a few decades into my childhood and I see things like canning, like mild pedophilia, and can't find it in me to condemn it by the same standards as I or anyone would today, he said. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I think that's kind of, you know, it's very brave of him to say because it's very controversial, obviously. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I don't totally disagree with him as far as holding people to different eras of different standards. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I don't think that he should be the one... | ||
| Necessary to comment on how that might have affected some of his classmates, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, when he says, like, I don't think any of us were really too affected by that. | ||
| I mean, you don't know that some of those guys might have been completely traumatized by that. | ||
| Well, you know, quite honestly, some people would say that he's been damaged by it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| And he just doesn't realize it. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That, you know, maybe that would make sense for why, you know, he's gotten into some of the situations that he's gotten into. | ||
| Some of the things that he's said in the past that have been fairly controversial. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Maybe it was about this. | ||
| But people think it's super irresponsible. | ||
| That's the main rub of anybody to go out there and say, oh, it's not that big a deal for a little mild pedophilia. | ||
| Projecting. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| And not only that, but it also could almost encourage mild pedophilia as being nothing. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And then you go back to like what I was saying where he, the guy that is doing this, then justify, he's like, I'm not really, like, it's so minor, I'm just, you know. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now clearly he's saying that this is a different era and he's talking about a different era and that we can't judge the people of that era today. | ||
| But he's still talking about it as if there's like a mechanism to protect you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| From this kind of, I'm going to sneeze, sorry. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I felt it coming. | ||
| You know what happened? | ||
| I cleaned my nose hairs out. | ||
| I got a little nose hair trimmer and sometimes they get some strays up there and you just can't resist those sneezes when they're coming. | ||
| Did you get that from Light? | ||
| No, but when I look at light, it'll make me sneeze. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I knew it was coming, and I had to stare at the light. | ||
| That's like a percentage of the population does that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's called light-induced sneezing. | ||
| Oh, that's interesting. | ||
| So, like, I'm one of those, too, where I get... | ||
| And I've told people like that about it, and they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| And they have no... | ||
| Like, you have never done that? | ||
| Never heard of that? | ||
| Because if I would be outside, I'd just be sneezing all like crazy. | ||
| No, but look it up. | ||
| Like, look up, like, sunlight-induced or light-induced sneezing. | ||
| You'll see that, like... | ||
| Induced. | ||
| You like that, too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Big time. | |
| Yeah, if you walk out of, like, a movie theater, you're like, oh, shit, and, like, just... | ||
| Yeah, every time. | ||
| So what people are saying, people are really pissed at him. | ||
| And this guy, his name is Peter Watt. | ||
| He's director of the Child Protection of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. | ||
| He said Dawkins' remarks were a terrible slight on those who have been abused and suffered the effects for decades. | ||
| Mr. Dawkins seems to think that because a crime was committed a long time ago, we should judge it in a different way. | ||
| Watt said, we know that victims of sexual abuse suffer the same effects whether it was 50 years ago or today. | ||
| Yeah, he's probably, you know, correct. | ||
| I mean, the thing that you have to examine is like Dawkins' statement. | ||
| I think you consider it case by case. | ||
| I don't mean pedophilia case by case. | ||
| I mean the whole idea about judging people based on an era. | ||
| To a degree, you kind of go, well, in a certain era, certain point of views were allowed. | ||
| But I don't know that that really... | ||
| Applies to pedophilia. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't... | ||
| It seems like that's always been a really dark thing to do, but what's really fucked up is when you go way back to, like, the classics, like, if you go back to, you know, like, Socrates was gay. | ||
| Like, there was a lot of guys back then that were not just gay but took on young boys as lovers. | ||
| Sure, right. | ||
| That was very common amongst the samurai. | ||
| Samurai took on young boys as lovers. | ||
| That applies to what he's saying, right? | ||
| Your examples are people in... | ||
| Now, this happens to be much longer a time ago, but it's... | ||
| Well, it's very different when a person who's alive today in the context of our society right now speaks about pedophilia as if it's not that big a deal when it happened to him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And someone talking about, like... | ||
| Almost an imperceptible difference. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, not imperceptible, but inconceivable difference between the way the culture of Japan in the 12th century was and the culture of the United States in 2013. I mean, they're not even the same planet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's so hard to... | ||
| You're dealing with A, Japanese. | ||
| They have a completely different language, different culture. | ||
| And this is a long, long, long, long, long fucking time ago when people couldn't even... | ||
| It took a long time to get anywhere. | ||
| You could get by boat or by horse, but for the most part, people fucking stood still. | ||
| And they developed their own culture sort of away from the rest of the world. | ||
| And it's one of the more fascinating aspects about it. | ||
| But when you look back, what is the common theme? | ||
| The common theme in almost all these cultures is gay sex. | ||
| Gay sex and pedophilia. | ||
| Like, they did it throughout Rome, throughout the Greeks, all the, like, Spartans were gay, samurais, like, there was so much gay sex. | ||
| Our idea of what, like, sex is in 2013, like, we think that, well, back then, you know, if you got locked up in prison, you had to fuck a dude, like, no big deal. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, they were banging each other. | ||
| They were banging everybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I want to know when people, like, settle down and stop just fucking guys all the time. | ||
| Well, there was no... | ||
| There was no judgment about that, too. | ||
| None, none, none. | ||
| So that was like, hey man, dick's hard, you got an asshole, let's do it. | ||
| It's almost like it was too hard to get laid back then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and like, sometimes you just had to do what you had to do. | ||
| I gotta imagine that if you go back far enough, a lot of sexual behavior went unchecked. | ||
| It was just, you were just acting on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You went into whatever sex act you wanted, desired that, like, your fucking monkey brain was dictating, and you didn't really think about, you know... | ||
| Like, the way that your culture looked upon it. | ||
| People just did stuff, right? | ||
| And then that was it. | ||
| And there was no, I'm going to talk to somebody about you made me uncomfortable. | ||
| Like, you just did whatever you wanted to do. | ||
| And there's no HR department back then. | ||
| In that way, like, unchecked civilization like that clearly is a different form of civilization. | ||
| Yeah, it's a different world. | ||
| It's Wild Wild West type shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| To the fucking umpteenth power, though, when you talk about hundreds of years ago. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, when you get really dark. | ||
| Viking shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Or all of ancient Europe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you ever heard of Lady Bathory? | ||
| You ever heard of this fucking evil bitch? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Elizabeth Bathory. | ||
| She was a royalty in 1560 in Hungary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this bitch killed, like, they don't even know how many women. | ||
| She started getting, as she got older, she started killing younger women. | ||
| She didn't want them around. | ||
| Looking pretty sure she would cut them up and torture them and kill them. | ||
| And she killed hundreds of them. | ||
| Hundreds of them. | ||
| Because you're a pretty bitch? | ||
| And they didn't even kill her. | ||
| When it was over, they convicted her and put her in a room for life. | ||
| They just locked her in this room. | ||
| Hungarian. | ||
| Yeah, well, she was royalty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So because of the fact that she was royalty, they just decided not to kill her. | ||
| Yeah, the level of brutality, when you go back for it, like, you ever read about Vlad the Impaler? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I mean, he would impale enemies and people in his camp who didn't, like, who... | ||
| he heard spoke against him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And to impale them, and he would do it, and sometimes when you're impaled, you know, it could go right through a vital artery or organ and you'll die. | ||
| But there's a lot of times when you can get impaled, it can literally miss every vital artery and organ, and you bleed out impaled just in the sun for a day. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| With a fucking wooden rod up through your asshole, going through your body and coming out like your shoulder or mouth, and you're just bleeding. | ||
| I mean, it's a pretty gruesome way to go. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Talk about a bad set. | ||
| I think it was in Persia. | ||
| Steak in Persia. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Did you see this picture? | ||
| There's a story about these people back in the Roman days where there was like miles of bodies on stakes to warn people. | ||
| As they approached, so as these people approached, I need to find the exact story, but as these people approached, I guess they were approaching Persia, they had miles of bodies on stakes to let you know, like, you're coming here and trying to fuck with us, this is what we're going to do to you. | ||
| Yeah, and you'd get that stench about five miles before you saw it, you know? | ||
| You'd be like, what is that smell, man? | ||
| But just the idea that people would do that, that they would just run rows and rows and rows of bodies. | ||
| Do you think that the only reason that doesn't go on today is because there's like that morally checking thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that would suggest that there's like... | ||
| Way more either acceptance of that behavior or there's just like crazier sociopaths just running shit all the time, you know? | ||
| Well, I think... | ||
| They probably are today. | ||
| I think it's way... | ||
| They're way better at like hiding the more fucked up things that people do today. | ||
| That would be like way out in the open. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like it's... | ||
| The situation that's going on right now in Syria, where everybody's saying that this is the most important thing, that we have to step up and we have to go and we have to attack Syria, because Syria has done this thing and these people have died and these innocents are being poisoned. | ||
| There's no mention whatsoever in the mainstream news of the irony of the guy who is the head of the United States military, the commander-in-chief, talking about innocent people dying. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, it's kind of crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's like this idea that there's a certain amount of innocent people that must die, and those are okay. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But when innocent people die and this guy did it... | ||
| Then it's really bad. | ||
| And especially the way he did it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, the way he did it with poison, and we just, we can't take that. | ||
| We're drawing the line. | ||
| We're going to have to kill some more people because of that. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And innocent people will die because we have to protect innocent people. | ||
| So we have to go in there. | ||
| This guy killed innocent people. | ||
| We'll probably kill way more innocent people than a thousand. | ||
| With our, yeah. | ||
| If we went in there, if the army, the United States Army, unless Syria just said, fuck this, and they laid down their guns and went face down and put their hands behind their heads, immediately, someone's going to die. | ||
| People are going to die. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's like the idea behind it. | ||
| It's like one of the weirdest ideas ever. | ||
| Well, the perspective you're talking about is pretty much purposely kept out of our U.S. kind of mainstream news discussions. | ||
| They're not even allowed to photograph coffins. | ||
| That was something that was passed during the Bush administration. | ||
| You couldn't take photos of coffins. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| That would have an impact. | ||
| But we can kill people. | ||
| How insane is that? | ||
| It's okay to do that, but the reality of it should never get back home because it could weaken morale. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, whew! | ||
| You're stomping information. | ||
| Like, information is critical for people to understand the actual parameters of the situation they're involved in. | ||
| And if you change that information, or change how much of that information gets out, you'd greatly alter. | ||
| If you can't see evidence of it, they're not seeing bodies. | ||
| They're not seeing the damage. | ||
| You're not focusing on the bad stuff. | ||
| You're not being accurate. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You're giving a really fucked up version of what you're talking about. | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| Governments are good at that. | ||
| But that should be illegal. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| That should be highly illegal. | ||
| Like, to do that, to say to someone you can't take a photograph of something that's actually happening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that idea behind it, the weakening of morale, that's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Morale only weakens when it's supposed to be weakened. | ||
| If we were off there fighting werewolves and bodies were coming back like that, we would salute them and praise them in their quest to save the human race from the werewolves. | ||
| That they died nobly. | ||
| We would celebrate them. | ||
| We would fucking have parades for them. | ||
| Nobly celebrate them. | ||
| But that's not what we're doing. | ||
| We're hiding them. | ||
| We're hiding the photos. | ||
| We don't show them to anybody. | ||
| Because the whole thing is chaos. | ||
| And if you really boil it down, was it worth it that your child died to promote this agenda? | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| That's not the only way it could have been done. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| To say it's the only way it could have been done is absolute bananas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I hope the diplomatic strategy works out. | ||
| I hope so, too. | ||
| But, I mean, I can't believe that we're still committed to fucking years and years of war in 2013. I know. | ||
| It just doesn't make any sense anymore. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's interesting, too, if you... | ||
| Because it really is up to you to figure out stories. | ||
| It's interesting to go to different sites to see how they present the story. | ||
| The same story. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If you go, you read CNN, and then you go to Drudge to see how they report it, and you go to BBC, Guardian, Al Jazeera, you'll get the same story reported in six different ways. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you've got to kind of decipher that you have to pick up on the fact and know That everybody has a bias even when they don't have a bias, you know? | ||
| There's built-in bias to every angle, every story. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You have to be able to break that down to whatever degree because you have your own bias that wants to lean a certain way. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you go, this is the story I'm going to run with. | ||
| The one that this person reported. | ||
| And that's a big one whenever you've got anyone that's pushing a left-wing or a white-wing agenda. | ||
| Whenever you start hearing about what the Democrats want to do is give everybody this, take all your hard-earned money, and you're like, oh, you're not even being honest here. | ||
| You're just putting on this puppet show. | ||
| And you're probably invested in winning this puppet show, or in making this puppet show very convincing. | ||
| You've got lobbyists that are counting on you to get me to believe your perspective on this right now. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| They're filling up your pockets, man. | ||
| Yeah, what a ridiculous way to run a government. | ||
| The idea that that's how we run it, all this money and influence. | ||
| They're all always, always only thinking about their next election. | ||
| Don't worry! | ||
| We're thinking of you! | ||
| I'm not thinking of all this money! | ||
| All these people that have this money, that got me into this position, I don't think about them. | ||
| I think about people I don't know who hate me. | ||
| That's what I'm concerned with. | ||
| Yeah, his favorability rating is like Bush-like now. | ||
| Is it that low now? | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty low. | ||
| Yeah, let's find out. | ||
| Approval rating? | ||
| Obama's approval rating. | ||
| What was the worst? | ||
| The worst? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I bet the worst was probably, I'm going to guess it was something like 80 years ago, and then Bush would be like second. | ||
| That's my prediction. | ||
| First of all, how crazy is it that there's something called the approval ratings for the president? | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| 47% of likely U.S. voters approve of Obama's job performance. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| 52% disapprove. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's not horrific. | ||
| It's definitely lower than it's been, right? | ||
| Well, listen to this, though. | ||
| 82% of the Democrats like the job the president is doing. | ||
| 85% of the Republicans and 57% of the voters not affiliated disapprove. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Can you look up... | ||
| Democrats, how silly could you be to say, I think he's doing a great job. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Number one is Obama. | ||
| Number two is... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Number one is Bush. | ||
| Number one is Bush. | ||
| That's the lowest approval rating ever? | ||
| That's the lowest approval rating ever. | ||
| His lowest approval was 25. Bush? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And what's the next lowest? | ||
| Do you remember when Bush's approval ratings were fucking high? | ||
| Like right after September 11th? | ||
| Really high. | ||
| You weren't even allowed to make fun of Bush. | ||
| It was really high. | ||
| Truman. | ||
| See, I told you. | ||
| And then Nixon. | ||
| What was Truman's down to? | ||
| 22. Okay, this is what his approval rate is on foreign policy. | ||
| 40%. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's really low, man. | ||
| I think Obama... | ||
| It's just like every other thing that happens in this world. | ||
| You probably go into it thinking that you're going to change it and you're going to fix it and you're going to be a great president. | ||
| Did you have high hopes for him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I think he's a brilliant man. | ||
| I just don't know how much the president honestly gets to... | ||
| I don't want to even speculate on how much of an effect the president actually gets to push. | ||
| Right. | ||
| How much influence does this one human being actually have? | ||
| Do you think a lot of it behind closed doors is like, so here's what's going to happen? | ||
| There's so much money involved, man. | ||
| You're talking about people that run banks. | ||
| You're talking about people that demanded that they get bailed out by the United States taxpayer after fucking. | ||
| The United States taxpayer sideways into a point where the economy eroded radically in all businesses. | ||
| These people caused this and they still got bonuses. | ||
| These people caused this and Obama went on TV and said that we're going to limit The amount of money that they receive as a bonus to $500,000? | ||
| A paltry sum for such rich folk? | ||
| Can you imagine even saying that as a statement? | ||
| We're going to limit the bonuses of the companies where we have to pay millions of your dollars. | ||
| We're going to limit the amount they steal to $500,000. | ||
| We've put a cap on it. | ||
| No, go to bed. | ||
| I like your Obama. | ||
| That might be one of the nuttiest things that a guy has ever said on television. | ||
| We're going to limit the thieves who've ruined the economy to a half a million dollar bonus. | ||
| Like, oh... | ||
| The people that we asked to watch over, hey, you guys are the financial guys, right? | ||
| Please watch over this fucking thing with numbers because I have kids and I got a job and I don't have time to do this. | ||
| So do we have a guy? | ||
| We've got a guy? | ||
| He went to Harvard, and then have you ever watched that documentary, Inside Job? | ||
| Have you ever watched that? | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And it's not about 9-11, folks. | ||
| It's about the economy crash. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| And the guy who is doing it is brilliant. | ||
| And he catches these dudes and corners them and asks them questions, and you see them squirm and panic, and then you find out that a lot of these guys that were working in universities that were responsible for these studies, they would leave the universities and get these awesome jobs at the banks whose policies that they recommended promoted this sort of free-range Wild, kamikaze, swashbuckling capitalism that cause all these fucking people to lose their homes. | ||
| These guys get jobs working for those firms after they leave. | ||
| So they're like educators, and they're like, this should be no problem. | ||
| I see this should be no problem. | ||
| And then they pass all this shit, and it's the most obvious shell game of all time. | ||
| It's so in your face. | ||
| Yeah, it really is. | ||
| It's really... | ||
| Look, it's kind of admirable. | ||
|
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|
And it's not over. | |
| If you want to look at it from a gangster point of view, I mean, it's the most gangster shit ever. | ||
| We glorify gangster rap. | ||
| Gangster rap can't fuck with gangster banking. | ||
|
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|
No. | |
| Gangster Wall Street is the most gangster shit of all time. | ||
| They've done some gangster shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And would it mean, is that worse than the gangster shit that's been going on right now from the beginning of the Iraq War? | ||
| That's pretty gangster, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I mean, this one destroys lives and financial stakes, the other one kills lives. | ||
| It kills people. | ||
| It destroys everything. | ||
| Like, how come that is, that ganking, that gangster ganking that we saw, how come that's, like, less offensive than this financial gangster ganking? | ||
| They're both pretty gangster. | ||
| Fucks people that bad. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Look, it's madness, man. | ||
| We are mad. | ||
| We're a mad, mad, mad race. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think we're getting less mad. | ||
| But we got to figure this out, man. | ||
| We can't just keep doing this. | ||
| We can't just keep going to war. | ||
| I've heard a lot of financial people lately say that the worst is yet to come in a coming soon kind of way. | ||
| As far as like 08 collapse, that that's just going to go way further downhill. | ||
| What I heard is that the commercial real estate crash is a really dangerous one. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I've heard that one's a real dangerous one. | ||
| That commercial, like once you have residential real estate crash, like that one, there's a commercial one that's much larger. | ||
| Apparently. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| I don't even understand it though. | ||
| So even me saying that is just bullshit. | ||
| I don't know what keeps it up. | ||
| I don't know how the fuck they rescued the economy. | ||
| Or did they even rescue the economy? | ||
| You know, should the banks been allowed to fail? | ||
| Who's right? | ||
| Peter Schiff? | ||
| Is Peter Schiff right? | ||
| You know, I don't know. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| I don't understand any of it. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I'm definitely not the mind to put that together, but it's pretty bad, I think. | ||
| You know what I know for sure, though? | ||
| This is not the only way to do it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is not the only way to do it. | ||
| This whole stocks and bonds and derivatives and, like, you guys have created fucking chaos. | ||
| You have a chaotic system. | ||
| And that system is fucking awful. | ||
| It's like Windows NT from, like, 1997. Windows me. | ||
| And you go inside of it and start fucking with the registry and embed yourself. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck is in this crazy economy. | ||
| The amount of influence that affects the politicians, which affects the laws being passed, which affects the judges being elected, which affects the decisions being made that literally change the entire scope of the nation. | ||
| And it's all motivated by money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| And the other thing, the big advantage that those guys have that work in that field... | ||
| Is they have a specific knowledge that basically the overwhelming majority of people can't grasp. | ||
| Like, not because we're not capable, we're just not well versed in this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And people start talking about derivatives and short sales and all this, and most people are going, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about when I said it. | ||
| But then that makes things go unregulated, unchecked. | ||
| When doctors have a conversation, or pilots, and they start getting into the specifics of their field, at a certain point, if you're not one of those people, you're like, I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| And it's not for you, and you're like, okay. | ||
| Except this one really affects most of us a great deal, but we don't know what the fuck is happening. | ||
| Yeah, to me it might as well be when people start talking about golf scores. | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| He was six under in the five, and like, what? | ||
| He had two birdies and an eagle, man. | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| And he took a mulligan. | ||
| What? | ||
| You're not a big golf guy? | ||
| No, I've never even played. | ||
| Jim Furyk shot a 59 last week. | ||
| I have no idea what that means. | ||
|
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See? | |
| You just said it right there. | ||
|
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|
Pretty incredible. | |
| Yeah, that numbers thing is a scary one to be math illiterate like I am. | ||
| I'm with you. | ||
| It's quite frightening. | ||
| I'm with you. | ||
| What do you think of 114-114? | ||
| Is that a good score? | ||
| For what? | ||
| For boxing, if you watch the Mayweather fight. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| That woman who also scored Pacquiao losing to... | ||
| Bradley? | ||
| Yeah, Tim Bradley. | ||
| That lady's crazy. | ||
| She has a different view of boxing than most people. | ||
| I got lucky, man. | ||
| I had a show in Lauderdale, and I was doing it at the Improv, which is connected to the Hard Rock Casino. | ||
| So I knew the fight. | ||
| I was like, I'm gonna miss the fight. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I had two shows. | ||
| I mean, I take my time. | ||
| I finish the show. | ||
| I get paid. | ||
| I'm just like hanging out. | ||
| I walk back to my room and as I enter the casino, and this is in Hollywood, Florida. | ||
| There are a fucking extra 3,000 people in the casino. | ||
| I'm like, what is going on? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And every monitor in the casino is showing the fight. | ||
| So I was like, oh, great. | ||
| And it was only the end of the third round, so I got to watch from basically round four on. | ||
| The whole casino showed the fight? | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| And everybody stopped. | ||
| There were so many people stopped in between slot machines just looking up just to watch this fight. | ||
| It was incredible to see that spectacle, the people... | ||
| Watching it. | ||
| And yeah, I mean, I watched, like I said, the rest of the, after the end of round three on. | ||
| And, you know, I think even to like novice boxing people, like Floyd pretty much put on a clinic, you know? | ||
| Yeah, it was ridiculous. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| This woman scored it even. | ||
| Even is crazy. | ||
| I think even – I think somebody who didn't know what's going on, like we're talking about, would know that it wasn't even. | ||
| Well, I think that there's some crazy people out there, and I think there's also the possibility of corruption, and both of those need to be considered as options. | ||
| Either she's crazy and she just likes to judge shit professionally that she has no idea about. | ||
| I mean, I never talked to... | ||
| I haven't talked to a single person that thought it even made a bit of sense. | ||
| It's not like one of those, well, you know what? | ||
| She favors defense, and the shell defense is very impressive, and he did land a couple hard counters. | ||
| Like, no, no, no, no. | ||
| There was no one saying that. | ||
| If you thought that he won that fight, or you thought it was a draw, you're a crazy person. | ||
| The fact that your track record now includes the Pacquiao Bradley... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this? | ||
| Those are both on your resume? | ||
| That lady does not pay attention. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| Either she does not pay attention or she's crazy. | ||
| Or she's getting paid. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't want to say that. | ||
| You did. | ||
| I'm glad Brian Redband said that and not me. | ||
| Because I sometimes, Brian, I work in the presence of the Nevada State Athletic Commission. | ||
| And I would never accuse them of such a thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| However, if I was an investigator, I would look into it sharply. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's just something wrong. | ||
| There's just something wrong, and if it's not corruption, which I hope it's not, it's just incompetence, and either way, it shouldn't be tolerated. | ||
| You know, no one deserves their job. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Especially when it's that kind of a job. | ||
| You don't deserve that job. | ||
| You have that job because you're supposed to be a professional at it. | ||
| You're supposed to be really good at it. | ||
| And when you're unbelievably, unbearably bad... | ||
| Is that a word? | ||
| Unbearably? | ||
| Unbearably. | ||
| Unbearably, but I went unbearably. | ||
| That's not a word. | ||
| She's so bad, it's criminal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's criminal. | ||
| It's like me teaching Spanish lessons. | ||
|
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|
Right. | |
| I don't know how to speak Spanish. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So if I told you to speak Spanish, that shit would be criminal. | ||
| Yeah, it's not. | ||
| That bitch is criminal. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It's not okay. | ||
| Snoop Lion, weed jackpot, wins pound of weed. | ||
| Off the Mayweather fight? | ||
| Oh, he bet a pound of weed? | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Look at him with a pound of weed and a Captain America shirt on. | ||
| Yeah, he's a badass. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| Who did he bet it with? | ||
| You know, how much is a pound of weed these days? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, a Mexican guy named Lou. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I've never had a pound of weed in my life. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's about $4,000. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| I've never even had more than an ounce. | ||
| Like, I don't want to carry a lot of weed around. | ||
|
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No. | |
| I don't understand that. | ||
| I've seen a quarter pound QP. If I saw a bag that big, I would assume the next thing I'm going to hear is boots kicking the door. | ||
| And get all your fucking... | ||
| And I'm going to be like, okay. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| I'm not a drug dealer. | ||
| What's scary in Ohio, allegedly, my dealer growing up in college, that's how much he would have. | ||
| And so, in Ohio, that's scary, because, like, he would have, like, three pitbulls, two chows, and just, like, you'd come into this house with all these crazy dogs, and you'd just pull out this humongous bag and put it right there. | ||
| And he, like, trusted me, so he, like, showed me all the shit he had and, like, all the secrets, like, Pounds of weed that he has hidden everywhere. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| I had to pick her up around. | ||
| It's so scary. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's so scary. | ||
| A guy out here who dealed out here had a big SUV, like an Escalade, and he had compartments built in there. | ||
| The way it was rigged was that the radio station had to be tuned to a certain channel, and that would unlock. | ||
| Then he would be able to unlock the compartments. | ||
|
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|
Whoa. | |
| So it had to be like on 91.7, and then he would go click, click. | ||
| That's so crazy! | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That's to transport. | ||
| Do you know that a guy went to jail for a long time because he was constructing those? | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, he went to jail for like a real stretch, and they accused him of aiding and abetting. | ||
| Somehow or another, they set this guy up. | ||
| To build, like, hidden compartments? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hidden compartments jail. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Did you ever... | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
|
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|
Here's one of my mods. | |
| This has to do with a CD drive and a secret compartment. | ||
| One of many of my inventions. | ||
| And I know they've used CD drives before, but not in vehicles. | ||
| And as far as to my knowledge, and not like this. | ||
| And what I've done is, this is a key... | ||
| I know what you're thinking. | ||
| It's a battery. | ||
| Stick your tongue to it. | ||
| It would zap you. | ||
| Don't do that, stupid. | ||
| Anyways, and these are two taps. | ||
| It is really a 9-volt battery, and the power supply goes through this to open up my vent, which reveals my secret compartment. | ||
| I basically took the CD drive apart, used the bare basics to it. | ||
| No, this is dope. | ||
|
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|
Keep it playing. | |
| How did he do that? | ||
|
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|
So he pushes his battery... | |
| It's just a regular 9-volt battery holding up. | ||
| He puts it right there. | ||
| Oh, that is so dope. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| That guy's James Bond. | ||
|
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|
It's awesome. | |
| Nice place to keep, you know, your wallet, your keys, a little extra cash. | ||
| He said, oh, you know your wallet. | ||
| I thought he said Pinot. | ||
| You keep Pinot Noir. | ||
| Keep a glass of Pinot. | ||
| Keep a glass of Pinot. | ||
| Always ready. | ||
| Glasses chilled. | ||
|
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|
You know, when bitches step into my 79 Impala. | |
| Another glass of wine. | ||
| Click it again for the Syrah. | ||
| And then it closes. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| Oh, so you flip it to go in and flip it to go out. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| You changed the battery. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| I know what you're thinking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Inspired by Superboy. | ||
| I was thinking, damn. | ||
| Yeah, that was awesome, man. | ||
| That was awesome. | ||
| Did you ever see The French Connection? | ||
| You've seen it, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Man, that was so long ago. | ||
| That was Gene Hackman, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's a fucking awesome movie, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't remember a thing about it. | ||
| I remember it was awesome, but I don't have to watch it again. | ||
| Go watch it again. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's about Harriman smuggling, right? | ||
| Yes, and it's so good. | ||
| It's like a classic... | ||
| You know, cop, fucking, cop and bad guy movie from that era. | ||
| I think it's a late 70s movie. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| You seen it, Brian? | ||
| You gotta see it. | ||
| Is it about something like this, like drug smuggling? | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| It's a heroin, yeah. | ||
| This is the guy I was talking about. | ||
| His name is Alfred Anaya, and it says he was a genius at installing secret compartments in cars. | ||
| And so they were used to smuggle drugs without his knowledge. | ||
| And now he's in trouble? | ||
| If they were used to smuggle drugs without his knowledge, he figured it wasn't a problem. | ||
| He was wrong. | ||
| And it said they locked him up, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He lived in the valley, and he would set up these compartments. | ||
| Like in the truck's back seat where he rigged up a set of hydraulic cylinders that linked to the vehicle's electrical system. | ||
| The only way to make the seat slide forward and reveal its secret was by pressing and holding four switches simultaneously. | ||
| Two for the power door locks and two for the windows. | ||
| So he would press all four of those at the same time and it would open up the back seat. | ||
| So awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he said the seal was no longer responsible to the switch combination and no amount of jiggling could make it budge. | ||
| He pleaded with the guy to take a look. | ||
| You know, this is how Bieber rolls. | ||
| He's got, like, the high-tech, the most high-tech one ever, probably. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bieber? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they pull that motherfucker over all the time, and, like, there's... | ||
| Never has anything in his car, but yet TMZ always has pictures of him holding bongs out windows and dumping out water into the street. | ||
| So they set this guy up. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| The guy's name was Anaya, right? | ||
| And so there was this dude named Esteban, and he was saying that the switch to the combination doesn't work anymore, and no amount of jiggling could get it to work again. | ||
| And so this guy shows up to fix it, and he's a little suspicious. | ||
| Because there's nothing illegal about building traps, which are commonly used to hide everything from pricey jewelry to legal handguns. | ||
| But the activity runs afoul of California law if an installer knows for certain that his compartment will be used to transport drugs. | ||
| So if the guy told him that it's going to transport drugs, then he has a responsibility to either call the police or not build it or what have you. | ||
| The maximum penalty is three years in prison. | ||
| And so this guy, Anaya, the guy who got arrested, he thought it was wise to deviate from his standard no-questions-asked policy before agreeing. | ||
| So he suspected this guy. | ||
| And he said, there's nothing in there I should know about, is there? | ||
| Esteban assured him that he needn't worry. | ||
| Oh, see, this is fucked up, man. | ||
| So he's saying, don't worry about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the guy didn't give in to saying... | ||
| Hey, I'm gonna use it for this. | ||
| And the guy goes, alright, I'll build it for you anyway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, this is weird, man. | ||
| Why would you lock that guy up? | ||
| They fucking set this guy up. | ||
| Because this guy was making compartments for people but not asking any questions. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| But I don't think that's illegal. | ||
| I think you're allowed to hide shit. | ||
| What if you have money? | ||
| Do you want to leave something expensive? | ||
| What if you own a jewelry store? | ||
| Well, yeah, if you have expensive stuff on you all the time. | ||
| You should be able to hide that. | ||
| You own a business. | ||
| It's a cash business. | ||
| You want to transport. | ||
| Yeah, you can't assume that if someone can hide something in their home, that they shouldn't be able to hide something in their car. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That's your property, too. | ||
| There's that weirdness of searching people's cars, man. | ||
| Because you don't come to a person's house and search their house. | ||
| Why are you searching their car? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you know that people transport drugs and things with their car, but at the end of the day, it's fucking private property. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's private property, of course. | |
| And whether there's a thousand dollars in cash in the backseat that you're going to steal from us because you think that we're buying drugs with it, that's happened before. | ||
| There was a stripper who had like a million dollars in her trunk. | ||
| This crazy bitch made a million dollars and was going to buy a business. | ||
| And she had this money, she got arrested, and the cops had to give the money back to her. | ||
| Because they suspected her of being a drug dealer. | ||
| And then she had to document all of her pay. | ||
| All her hoeing? | ||
| And show all the documents. | ||
| I'm not hoeing, man. | ||
| Just doing a little stripping. | ||
| You know, my girl like to shake that ass. | ||
| But the cops took that money. | ||
| As if, like, you can't have money. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| If you have money, it has to come from drugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A lot of money. | ||
| Yeah, but why can't you? | ||
| Don't people have houses? | ||
| How do they buy a house? | ||
| Who's to say you can't just go to a guy with a fucking trunk full of cash and buy a house? | ||
| You can, you know, just because everybody else uses a fucking credit card. | ||
| If you decide you hate credit cards, you want to store it all in a safe in your house. | ||
| And I only know the combination. | ||
| Does the cop have to look in there to see if there's anything wrong? | ||
| And if he sees that there's money in there, hey, what are you doing with all this good stuff? | ||
| What are you doing with all this stuff that everybody earns? | ||
| Yeah, why do you have to declare... | ||
| I was thinking about the border thing. | ||
| I mean, I assume that you have to declare... | ||
| Money, so that they can investigate what's the source of that money, what do you have that money for? | ||
| There's this whole thing you have to declare if you have over 10,000, let's say going into Canada or coming back to the United States, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| What if you have a lot of money? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Why do I have to explain to you? | ||
| I don't have this problem, but I've thought about it before. | ||
| Obviously, they're asking so that if somebody does, they don't say they have it, then they find that they have 15,000 in cash, they're going to be like, why do you have this much cash? | ||
| Well, because I do. | ||
| I wonder if you have to, like, when you report it, how does that work? | ||
| If you have to report that, yeah, like, let's say you're some crazy baller type character. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, you're like, who would you be? | ||
| Like, if you were going to be a baller type character, you have to be a black guy, right? | ||
| Who would you be? | ||
| Which rapper would you be that walks around with suitcases? | ||
| Let's say you're Floyd Mayweather, because he would walk around with suitcases full of cash. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Why can't Floyd Mayweather, he probably, they probably wouldn't let him in Canada, but Because he's got some domestic violence charges. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| He did his 30 days or whatever. | ||
| They might not even let you in. | ||
| Because Canada's pretty strict about letting you in for shit like that. | ||
| They don't fuck around. | ||
| But if he did get through, he probably would get through with like a hundred grand in a backpack. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some Gucci sack or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| Did you see the all access for him and Canelo? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I've watched him before, but I didn't see it this time. | ||
| He sends one of his girls to go pick up some of his gambling money that he won. | ||
| She goes in this ostrich skin, I don't know who the fuck makes it, some super expensive bag, and the guy puts $480,000 in the bag. | ||
| And then she walks it out of there, gets in her car, and drives it to Money Mayweather. | ||
| Hey, Floyd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He drives it to his house. | ||
| Here's what you want on Duke. | ||
| Do you know how crazy that is? | ||
| Duke, Maryland. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| He's gambling that kind of money. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, he always talks. | ||
| He takes photos of his betting slips. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| He's crazy. | ||
| $480,000 he won. | ||
| And they're not even like, sometimes his bets are like these kind of side bet, like prop bets, where it's like, I'm betting on who's the first to 12 points in this basketball game. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Not even like the outcome of the game. | ||
| Like, he's betting shit like that. | ||
| Where it's a total just gambling rush kind of bad, where you're like, I'll put 25 grand that it's the 76ers. | ||
| Well, you want to know what's interesting? | ||
| They have found a direct correlation between head trauma and addiction to gambling. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I brought it up to Dana White, because Dana White was in here, and Dana used to be a boxer, and Dana was talking about his gambling. | ||
| Like, Dana gambles like insanity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he does? | |
| He won 7 million one night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He lost a million. | ||
| That's the most he's ever lost is $1 million. | ||
| The most he's ever won is $7 million. | ||
| And is it gambling always on sporting events? | ||
| That's what he likes to gamble on? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think he's playing cards. | ||
| He's won $7 million? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can't even remember. | ||
| He goes off. | ||
| Is it poker? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think he plays blackjack. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck he plays. | ||
| I think he plays blackjack. | ||
| I went into that high stakes room. | ||
| Once I saw a guy, and people stopped to watch him do blackjack. | ||
| He was doing $10,000 a hand. | ||
| And we were all like, oh shit, that's $10,000. | ||
| And they were like, no, bust, take $10,000. | ||
| He would put $10,000 in chips back there. | ||
| I mean, it was super entertaining to watch, but I was like, I can't imagine doing that, man. | ||
| I'm freaking out just talking about it. | ||
| 10,000 a hand. | ||
| And it goes like that. | ||
| I mean, it has gone in seconds. | ||
| So Dana must do it that style, where it's like 25 grand a hand, that kind of shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's really unique with gambling. | ||
| You know, the gambling for money, like in Vegas type gambling, is that you can shift... | ||
| Within seconds. | ||
| At least if you're gambling on a game, it's a whole game. | ||
| You have one hour for this game to take place. | ||
| I kind of like gambling on games, because I don't even like sports. | ||
| But if I had some money invested, it would make it more exciting. | ||
| It absolutely does. | ||
| It has that effect. | ||
| To the umpteenth degree. | ||
| Like if I go to Vegas, say if you and I went and there was some kickboxing going on, because they're doing this new thing for Spike TV. Glory is this super high-level kickboxing league. | ||
| It's like the best kickboxers on the planet Earth. | ||
| And the fights are incredible. | ||
| Like Gokhan Saki and Daniel Gita and Tyrone Spong, these guys are fucking assassins, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would like to go see that shit live. | ||
| And if we went to see that shit live, and we were ringside, you know we're going to bet some money, Tommy Buns. | ||
| Now, would you bet based not knowing anything about the guys? | ||
| Is that how you would? | ||
| No, I would never do that. | ||
| You would bet? | ||
| I would if I wanted for a goof. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, maybe. | ||
| No, but let's say not for, like, if we're talking about this particular, would you know about the guys? | ||
| Like, do you know those guys, who they are? | ||
| Yeah, the highest level guys I know, but there's so many more kickboxers than there are MMA guys. | ||
| There's a lot of MMA guys that I don't know. | ||
| Really? | ||
| There's a certain number where you can only keep so many in your brain. | ||
| They say close friends or people that you're in contact with on a regular basis. | ||
| You have 150 names. | ||
| That you can kind of keep going. | ||
| It's the 150 people that you have relations with. | ||
| Everything after that is just like... | ||
| But you have a lot of... | ||
| I mean, like, you in particular store a lot of data about guys fighting, who they fought, and you remember the fight, where they fought, how he won that particular fight. | ||
| Like, that's a lot of extra knowledge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Sitting in there? | ||
| But that's because there's nothing else in there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's no other sports in there. | ||
| Oh, I see what you mean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| There's no room. | ||
| There's no room for hockey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no room for basketball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So all, like, when I start talking about, like, fights, like, oh, you know, he lost to Igbov Chanchin, he got KO'd in the first round, came back, fought a few times, but we never really saw him again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, there's no basketball in there confusing me. | ||
| I see what you mean. | ||
| Because I'm kind of that, to a degree that way with college football. | ||
| Like, I have a lot of data in there. | ||
| And I remember names, and I remember games, and I remember the year. | ||
| Well, that's way more numbers. | ||
| And the crazy thing is, like, well, sometimes I'm amazed that I remember who recruited the guy and what high school he went to. | ||
| That's pretty crazy. | ||
| Well, that's Hunter S. Thompson's famous story about talking to Nixon. | ||
| Have you ever heard that? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| He spent time in a car with Nixon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Hunter S. Thompson did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Before he was president? | ||
| No, Nixon was president. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And he rode with him in a car, and Nixon and him just talked football. | ||
| He knew that Hunter was a football fan. | ||
| He goes, I'll let you ride with me if we only talk football. | ||
| You know, because football fans love to talk football with other football fans, and Hunter was a huge football fan, so he got in the back seat with Nixon, and they talked about football. | ||
| He said he was amazed that he knew about one guy who played one year with one team, and he knew where he went to college, and he goes, he was like, I was blown away. | ||
| He's a real legit, he goes, it might be the only thing that he didn't lie about. | ||
| Didn't Hunter kill himself after football season? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It was, right? | ||
| He waited for the Super Bowl and all that, and he kills him in February or something. | ||
| He had been apparently talking about killing himself for a long time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was in some pretty serious pain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had hip replacements, and on top of it, the boozing and the coke, he had just redlined his brain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you ever listen to Hunter later in life, pull up Hunter S. Thompson on Conan O'Brien's show. | ||
| It's really sad. | ||
| And this is coming from someone who's a huge Hunter S. Thompson fan. | ||
| In fact, my favorite all-time documentary, if I have to tell people one is a goof, I always go with Grizzly Man, because Grizzly Man was hilarious to me. | ||
| Do you mean Letterman? | ||
| What did I say, Conan? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, Conan. | ||
| I don't see a Conan. | ||
| There's one, trust me. | ||
| Because he's much older when he's doing the one on Conan. | ||
| Grizzly Man, you'd find hysterical. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I watched it again last week. | ||
| I've watched it a hundred times. | ||
| But Gonzo, the life and work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson is fucking brilliant. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's an amazing, amazing, amazing documentary. | ||
| I should watch that. | ||
| You can't find it, dude? | ||
| There we go. | ||
| Hunter S. Thompson. | ||
| It's just a bad copy. | ||
| Listen to him talk. | ||
| You barely understand them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't even hear that. | |
| Go to the one where they're at the desk. | ||
| If you go further back, he's sitting at the desk with Conan, and they're talking, and it's like... | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You can't put together what he's saying? | ||
| You don't understand a word he's saying. | ||
| Mumble, slur, mumble, mumble, mumble. | ||
| But then if you go back to his early stuff, you go back to the documentary. | ||
| It's absolutely brilliant. | ||
| It's when he's running for sheriff of Aspen, and they start talking about the laws that are in place today and why it's engendered this disrespect for law enforcement officers, because they know that these laws, especially marijuana laws, and they start talking about the laws that are in place today Cops know they're bullshit, the kids know they're bullshit, and he was like, "We gotta put a stop to this, "or there's gonna be a revolution in this country." It's pretty fucking intense, man. - It loosened us up. | ||
| He does a shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He'll throw up. | |
| Climbing right, eh? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I'd say that was pretty good. - Thank you. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| That was good! | ||
| I'm going to come live with you for a month. | ||
| We need the umbrellas, some whiskey, and we need a machine gun. | ||
| Joe, remember when we fired those? | ||
| Yeah, in Arizona. | ||
| That was awesome. | ||
| We went to the Arizona gun club. | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| Phoenix Gun Club? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Those things are insane. | ||
| Yeah, we fired some crazy-ass machine guns. | ||
| They're fun, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I need to get a place where I can shoot guns. | ||
| That's what I need next. | ||
| It's so much fun to shoot a high-powered gun. | ||
| But the problem is, whenever you get a big piece of land that you can shoot guns on, they assume you're starting a cult. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| What do they do? | ||
| They go up there and they just shoot guns. | ||
| Yeah, but in California they do. | ||
| Then sometimes there's stuff that you need to shoot with a gun, which is another problem, you know? | ||
| I don't want to go to Ohio to think I'm gay. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because they're number one. | ||
| Look what it produced. | ||
| They're number one now. | ||
| If all of a sudden I start moving there, you know? | ||
| It's kind of weird that you guys are both from Columbus. | ||
| Well, there's more barns and basement stuff fucking in Ohio. | ||
| Hey, easy. | ||
| Too sweet, guys. | ||
| Is it a prison type thing where there's just not as many girls? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is that what goes down? | ||
| Dumb? | ||
| Creepy. | ||
| I think those guys there would find you guys irresistible in Columbus. | ||
| I think they're just smart. | ||
| They figured out how to start their own community in West Hollywood. | ||
| They figured out how to start their own community in Columbus. | ||
| You know what doesn't happen like that, though? | ||
| Lesbians. | ||
| Lesbians don't really form very many lesbian neighborhoods. | ||
| I guess not. | ||
| I don't really think of... | ||
| I don't know, right? | ||
| I don't even know of one. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| I can't think of one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sure they exist. | |
| I'm sure they exist, yeah. | ||
| I can't think of one. | ||
| Gay people have a whole islands. | ||
| Fire Island? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Dude, take over New York. | ||
| It's almost all gay. | ||
| Fire Island, yeah, it's gay. | ||
| It's like 98% gay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's a few hangers on, some old people that don't know what's up. | ||
| Oh, the lesbians have... | ||
| The neighbors are strange. | ||
| They wrestle. | ||
| Lesbians have the Dinah Shore get-together, right? | ||
| Oh, well, there's a lot of lesbian golf pros. | ||
| For sure, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what else? | ||
| Pool. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| High-level women professional pool players. | ||
| A lot of gay. | ||
| Softball. | ||
| Softball players, too. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Softball. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, what is it about girls and sports that make them gay? | ||
| I guess there's the natural association, right? | ||
| Right now there's girls all over the country that think we're serious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It doesn't make me gay, you fucking faggot! | ||
| Asshole! | ||
| I mean, you look like a guy and you play like a guy. | ||
| That's not what we're saying, folks. | ||
| You can, without a doubt, absolutely be a beautiful woman and be in sports. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And doing sports and competing in sports. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| I saw Gabby Reese at the airport. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| That's a lot of women. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I did a celebrity volleyball game with her and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you serious? | |
| That's his favorite! | ||
| That's his favorite. | ||
| Way back in the Diz-A. Yeah. | ||
| It was many, many, many moons ago. | ||
| And she was a big, beautiful woman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Making fucking warrior babies with that. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Her husband's a big, beautiful man. | ||
| He layered. | ||
| A professional surfer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, he looks like right out of a fucking 1950s movie about the beach of California. | ||
| His hair's like... | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| Dipping down. | ||
| Fucking yoked. | ||
| Big, yoked, beautiful man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The two of them have pretty sex. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's some good fucking sex. | |
| Oh, I'm sure. | ||
| They should study it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They should study it in like, you know, one day when they invent artificial people. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| You know, what do you want to be? | ||
| You want to be some artificial, frail, little fucking insect-like person? | ||
| I want to be Laird and Gabriela. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Fucking ugh. | ||
| Well put together. | ||
| Imagine how she gives birth. | ||
| She probably just reaches in and grabs a kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know how strong that bitch is? | ||
| Oh my god, yeah. | ||
| She doesn't have to scream. | ||
| And they're both in their 40s, and they look amazing. | ||
| They were together. | ||
| They had the whole family together, so I was like, his family looks amazing. | ||
| It was straight out of a magazine. | ||
| Someone's in love. | ||
| Did you hear that you got herpes-infected monkeys in Florida? | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| I was there this weekend. | ||
| Yo, dude, Florida does not play games. | ||
| Tommy Bunz, by the way, developed in Florida. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| It's one of the few things good besides herpes-infected monkeys that have come straight from Florida. | ||
| Tommy Bunz. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| High school. | ||
| Vero Beach, Florida. | ||
| What up? | ||
| They said that there's a fucking slew of herpes-infected wild monkeys. | ||
| There's as many as a thousand of them. | ||
| Many as a thousand of them. | ||
| There's going to be spreading a lot. | ||
| There's a lot of fucking going on in the monkey world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Monkeys don't ask each other, do you have anything I should know about before they fuck. | ||
| That's 100% of herpes. | ||
| They fuck everybody. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Every monkey fucks every monkey. | ||
| The only thing that they don't do is, well, chimps at least, is mother and son don't have sex. | ||
| That's a common primate restriction. | ||
| The mother won't have sex with the son. | ||
| But the dad? | ||
| Everybody else, the dad fucks the son. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Everybody fucks everybody. | ||
| The dad fucks the daughters, they fuck cousins, they fuck sisters. | ||
| Everybody fucks everybody except the mom won't fuck the son. | ||
| Very interesting. | ||
| Thanks, mom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is, well, I mean, this is really funny how many endangered... | ||
| How many dangerous invasive species there are in Florida. | ||
| Let me stop and think about it. | ||
| They started to find Nile crocodiles. | ||
| They found pythons that are so big they eat alligators. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now they're finding these fucking crazy herpes-infected monkeys. | ||
| There's a thousand feral rhesus monkeys living in Florida right now. | ||
| And among those scooped up by wildlife officials over the years, most were found to be carriers of herpes B. This week, the colony was declared a public health hazard. | ||
| It's believed that a small handful of the wild animals originally landed in the state in the 1930s, courtesy of Colonel Tooney, a tour operator who wanted to give the visitors a Tarzan-inspired experience of Florida's Silver River State Park. | ||
| Tooney reportedly kept the monkeys sequestered on an island, but they learned to swim to shore. | ||
| easily reaching the mainland and moving out, putting down roots as far as Jacksonville, over 100 miles away. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| And these are... | ||
| They're herpes. | ||
| Are they not even contained? | ||
| Like they're just out roaming around? | ||
| Or they're contained? | ||
| No, they're roaming. | ||
| There's a thousand of them roaming. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| It says herpes doesn't cause serious symptoms in these particular animals. | ||
| In fact, it's fairly common amongst them. | ||
| But in humans, it can lead to neurological impairment or physical Fatal encephalomyelitis? | ||
| Encephalomyelitis? | ||
| Why do they do that? | ||
| Why do they insist on making words so fucking difficult? | ||
| That shit's ridiculous. | ||
| For these moments. | ||
| Encephalomyelitis? | ||
| I guess it's litus. | ||
| No, it would be I because there's no E after T before an I. Or is there? | ||
| An inflammation of the brain and spinal cord leading to death. | ||
| Florida's rhesus monkeys are known to act aggressively towards people. | ||
| They're racist monkeys? | ||
| They're biting people. | ||
| Yeah, they're probably racist. | ||
| They probably hate white people. | ||
| So they bite people, and then you get... | ||
| You get a murderous form of herpes that barely affects them. | ||
| Barely affects them, but will kill you. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| So they're essentially toxic. | ||
| I mean, there's very little difference between that, having that, and being toxic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you're talking about something that you can give a person that will fuck them up. | ||
| How's that different than a poison? | ||
| Just because it's a bacteria? | ||
| Great winners in Florida. | ||
| That's all I got to say. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a Cuban tree frog problem in Florida, too. | ||
| They're really noisy. | ||
| So these animals, they move into these areas, and people have a real hard time sleeping. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Because they're really, really fucking loud. | ||
| And they're trying to find out... | ||
| Some of the research they've been doing recently on human beings and happiness and harmony and peace, one of the things they're showing is that we need quiet. | ||
| People need quiet. | ||
| It's not just, I would like to get some quiet. | ||
| Now, you actually do need certain amounts of quiet. | ||
| You need sleep, and during that sleep, you need to be able to rest. | ||
| And if you're fucking constantly inundated with sounds, you might not ever totally rest. | ||
| You might drift in and out, and it could fucking redline your mind. | ||
| It could really fuck you up. | ||
| So these frogs, they move in. | ||
| They're called Cuban tree frogs. | ||
| They're in Central and South Florida. | ||
| And they double the rate of their calls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Native green tree frogs, hmm. | |
| Oh, in the presence... | ||
| Oh, this is so crazy. | ||
| They're so loud that in the presence of them, the native frogs have doubled their rate of calls as well. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| So it's just insanity. | ||
| They're super loud and crazy, and then the other frogs have doubled their rate of calls because they have to try to keep up with these crazy new... | ||
| They're basically Joey Diaz as a frog. | ||
| It's a big, loud, crazy Cuban frog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, that's nuts. | ||
| They have unforeseen ecological effects. | ||
| Tennessean says that by doubling its call rate, the green frog makes its presence more obvious, which is likely to make it more vulnerable to predation. | ||
| Wow, so they're going to kill off the other frogs by making them stupid. | ||
| So they actually got competitive about the frog calls. | ||
| They were like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| It must be sexual, right? | ||
| When they make calls? | ||
| What else are they doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Sexual or it's like territorial, you know, about like threatening my territory. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And what's the territory about? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's about sex. | ||
| I guess so, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're just trying to get their frog freak on. | ||
| Frog freaks. | ||
| They found the largest wild Burmese python in Florida recently. | ||
| Captured and euthanized. | ||
| This is the largest one they've ever caught in Florida. | ||
| 17 feet long. | ||
| Do you think a lot of the stuff going there, I mean, part of it is like that it's made up, the place is a swamp, like the state's a swamp, but then it's also proximity to like where a lot of people end up going, like people from the islands, right? | ||
| Coming up with shit. | ||
| It's the perfect storm. | ||
| Florida's the perfect storm. | ||
| First of all, you've got the highest level of OxyContin addiction and prescription on the planet Earth. | ||
| That's Florida. | ||
| Florida has ten times more OxyContin prescriptions than the rest of the country combined. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| So then, okay, so you got that, right? | ||
| You got this crazy number of people who are on OxyContin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then, you've got Cuban immigrants, including a slew that Castro released. | ||
| Castro sent out because they were prisoners. | ||
| That's what Scarface is based on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then, you've got the cocaine industry in Miami. | ||
| And mental patients, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And Marina. | ||
| Dan Marino's from Florida? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, he's from PA. He played for the Miami Dolphins? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So you've got that, okay? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then you've got the amount of banks that were set up with cocaine money. | ||
| Whoa, Jesus. | ||
| That's when you start getting really crazy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because you find the numbers and you go, oh my god, this is insane. | ||
| Why are there so many banks? | ||
| There's more banks per capita in Miami than anywhere else in the country. | ||
| Then you got no state income tax. | ||
| What type? | ||
| Who does that attract? | ||
| No income tax. | ||
| And it's like this reputation of being a place where Eastern gangsters went south. | ||
| I mean, it's always been there. | ||
| They'd go south and dump bodies. | ||
| They'd go south and hide out. | ||
| I mean, they would get in a Cadillac and they would drive from New York to Florida. | ||
| I'm going to give my mother a nice house in Florida. | ||
| And then they would also, the big thing before Florida was, they would take boats or jets or whatever to Cuba. | ||
| Before Cuba fell, like in the 1950s, Kennedy would go to Cuba. | ||
| Yeah, that was the spot. | ||
| They would go to Cuba. | ||
| People would go to Cuba. | ||
| Cuba was the shit. | ||
| They would go and dance and drink, and it was supposed to be fucking incredible. | ||
| And then when the shit hit the fan and everybody had to flee... | ||
| Let's just stay around Miami. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| We don't need to go here. | ||
| And Miami is basically... | ||
| There's nothing about it that looks like any American city at all. | ||
| It's Cuba! | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| I mean, it's great. | ||
| Miami's a great city. | ||
| It's a fun, fun city. | ||
| But it's very international. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's very international. | ||
| You are an asshole sometimes when you walk into a store there and speak English to somebody. | ||
| They literally are like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Yeah, so there's that, you know, and then it's attached to the southerly parts of, what, Georgia? | ||
| And what else is it attached to? | ||
| You drive to... | ||
| South Carolina, Alabama. | ||
| No, Alabama. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| You go Bama, Mississippi, Arkansas. | ||
| And it's interesting because the other thing that's interesting is that the further south you go, the more international, cosmopolitan. | ||
| When you're in, like, northern Florida, northern Florida, you might as well be in Alabama. | ||
| Oh, definitely. | ||
| You really might as well be. | ||
| And you don't have to go that far north. | ||
| No. | ||
| Or that far central. | ||
| No, you do not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Northern Florida is a different- That shit is country as shit, man. | |
| It's a different island. | ||
| Tallahassee, that shit is country. | ||
| I remember when I was in high school and we would go to this place called Bell Glade. | ||
| Bell Glade is basically inland from Palm Beach. | ||
| So Palm Beach is Billionaire's Row. | ||
| Right. | ||
| West Palm Beach has nothing to do with that. | ||
| It's just, you know, like, poor and, you know, it has, I mean, obviously it has some nice areas, but then you have, like, rednecks. | ||
| And then you go further in, that Lake Okeechobee, Belle Glade is sugarcane. | ||
| And you can smell your salt, you can smell Belle Glade Way before you get there. | ||
| Like the draft, like burning sugar cane. | ||
| And it doesn't smell sweet. | ||
| You know, it doesn't smell good. | ||
| And you get out there and you're like, this is like an entirely different world. | ||
| Like it had nothing to do with anything. | ||
| It was so rural. | ||
| And, you know, it was all about the soil there, Muck City, and the place had... | ||
| You would think you were in Alabama or in some rural part of Georgia, and that was just, like I said, a couple hours in from West Palm Beach. | ||
| That cartoon of Bugs Bunny sawing off Florida, what year was that from? | ||
| It looks like about 60s. | ||
| Do you think that that was really what he did or did someone create that for a joke in the new day and age? | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| That's from a cartoon. | ||
| So he really did Saw Away Florida? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So was Florida where Elmer Fudd lived? | ||
| I can't remember that episode. | ||
| Why is he so hating on Florida? | ||
| Was Florida shitty back then too? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Where did Lucy and Ricky live? | ||
| Did they live in Florida? | ||
| Because he was Cuban, right? | ||
| He was Cuban. | ||
| Was that Miami? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I love Lucy. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love Lucy. | |
| Isn't it funny that, like, no one had any problem with that as, like, an interracial relationship or, you know, intercultural relationship? | ||
| Like, back then, like, being a Cuban man was, like, very sophisticated. | ||
| It wasn't like if you tried to do a Mexican and her, like, people would have a problem with that. | ||
| It was, you know, it was okay to have it that way. | ||
| It wasn't even considered, I mean, not that they're different races, But Hispanic, a lot of people actually almost... | ||
| Racists do look at Hispanic. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And Hispanic people as being different than white people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah, of course. | |
| Of course. | ||
| But that back then... | ||
| Did you know that... | ||
| Big Bunny, Bugs Bunny... | ||
| Why did they do that? | ||
| Why is Bugs mad at Florida? | ||
| That's what I need to know now. | ||
| Do you know that Desi, he had such a massive ego that... | ||
| Desi Arnaz did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had a real problem with the name of the show being I Love Lucy. | ||
| So they... | ||
| He was like, the show should be like... | ||
| I love Desi. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But they told him, yeah, but who's saying I love Lucy? | ||
| Oh, he's an idiot. | ||
| Yeah, and he was like, oh, yeah. | ||
| And they convinced him that the show, basically, it's you saying it. | ||
| So the show's really about, you know... | ||
| How do we know that that's true, though? | ||
| It's a... | ||
| Yeah, but the producer could be a lying dickwad. | ||
| Yeah, he could be saying that. | ||
| They'll tell stories about you someday, Tommy Buns. | ||
| And you'll be like, the fuck I said that? | ||
| I didn't fucking say that shit. | ||
| The fuck I said that? | ||
| Meanwhile... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That was a big fucking popular show, man. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I think the most watched episode of television ever... | ||
| Is I Love Lucy when she gave birth. | ||
| Everybody tuned in to see if it was a boy or a girl. | ||
| Like, it's crazy numbers. | ||
| Insanity. | ||
| Like, basically most of our country watched that when that aired. | ||
| It was from six years, from 1951 to 1957. And then after the series ended, a modified version continued for three more seasons with 13 one-hour specials. | ||
| Running from 1957 to 1960. Known as the Lucille Ball Desi Arnaz Show. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| And then reruns as the Lucy Desi Comedy Hour. | ||
| My name's in that show, bitch. | ||
| Yeah, he got a little upset. | ||
| This is bullshit, I'm not coming back. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| It was actually 1949, that Bugs Bunny cartoon. | ||
| But I think he just... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| He's given credit basically for syndication. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Desi Arnaz? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| He figured it out? | ||
| Well, he's the one... | ||
| Television used to just air live. | ||
| Like, you just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And they would just shoot it. | ||
| And then he asked for, like, the Prince one time. | ||
| And they were like, yeah, you can have the fucking Prince. | ||
| What are we going to do with that shit? | ||
| You fucking idiot. | ||
| You dumb Cuban piece of shit. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Whoopsies. | ||
| A little while later, he was like, you know, we could re-air this. | ||
| And they were like... | ||
| Oh yeah, we could re-air that. | ||
| That's actually quite funny. | ||
| Originally set in an apartment building in New York City, I Love Lucy centers on Lucy Ricardo, Lucille Ball, and her singer-bandleader husband, Ricky Ricardo. | ||
| Along with their best friends and landlords, Fred Mertz, their landlord, and Ethel Mertz. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, that show was... | ||
| Those shows, man, like The Honeymooners, that's a window into another time, man. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Watching Lucille Ball, watching The Honeymooners. | ||
| The Honeymooners, every week, Ralph Cramden would threaten to beat the fuck out of his wife. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's true. | ||
| Not just occasionally. | ||
| Every fucking week, he would be like, POW! Right to the moon! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He would talk about punching her in the face and knocking her to the moon. | ||
| She deserved it. | ||
| But just stop and think about culturally how crazy people were. | ||
| It's not that long ago. | ||
| We need to understand what a giant change has happened in our culture. | ||
| And I think one of the best ways to really document it is to watch old shows. | ||
| Watch what they accepted back then and watch what they accept today. | ||
| There's a newspaper article I just saw from... | ||
| Somebody posted it, I think, on Twitter. | ||
| And it was... | ||
| It was... | ||
| They asked... | ||
| They polled... | ||
| It was an old newspaper article. | ||
| They polled guys whether it's okay to spank a woman. | ||
| And the answers... | ||
| They pulled like five or six guys. | ||
| It was an old article. | ||
| And they were all like, absolutely, she needs it. | ||
| If she's out of line and she doesn't know what she's doing, you're just trying to help her. | ||
| And this was a newspaper thing where they were like, see guys? | ||
| It was to make you feel okay about spanking your leg. | ||
| Yeah, I tweeted that. | ||
| Oh, you tweeted that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, I don't know. | ||
| I just saw an article. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I might have retweeted it, but either way, I definitely tweeted it. | ||
| I thought that was just... | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| Hysterical. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If a woman needs it, should she be spanked? | ||
| The best part about it was... | ||
| Let's read it. | ||
| Let's read it. | ||
| Yeah, it's so fucking funny. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| If they don't know how to behave by the time they're adults, they should be treated like children and spanked. | ||
| That ought to make them grow up in a hurry. | ||
| If it doesn't at first, they'll soon get the idea. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| Get the idea, hey? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| When they deserve it, as a barber, I've got a lot of faith in the hairbrush. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I think there are certain cases, when it is advisable... | ||
| When it is, there's no reason why you shouldn't go right ahead and do it. | ||
| I can't knock the idea. | ||
| In my business, a man sets a lot of store by the results he can get with a hairbrush properly applied. | ||
| Nice little smack. | ||
| Now, here's the counterpoint. | ||
| What does that mean, though? | ||
| Sets a lot of store? | ||
| Maybe that's a business term back then. | ||
| Man sets a lot of store. | ||
| Are you ready for the counterpoint? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's none. | ||
| Everybody agrees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's incredible! | |
| That's the best part, is everybody takes the point of view. | ||
| Look at this guy, parking lot attendant from Brooklyn. | ||
| You bet. | ||
| Teddy Gallel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You bet. | |
| You bet. | ||
| It teaches him who's boss. | ||
| A lot of women tend to forget this is a man's world, and a lot of men who step down as boss of a family wish they hadn't. | ||
| Spanking might help get back some of the respect they lost. | ||
| Look at Teddy. | ||
| Look at Teddy. | ||
| That's Joey Diaz's cousin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck, cocksucker? | |
| Listen, cocksucker, spank him if they want it. | ||
| William Davis. | ||
| What does William say? | ||
| He's a toy factory owner. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Most of them have it coming to them anyway. | ||
| If they don't, it will remind them of how well off they are. | ||
| I subscribe to the theory that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at that evil looking fuck. | ||
| He looks like Rutger Hauer's brother. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Does he look like Rutger Hauer and Robert De Niro fucked? | ||
| He looks evil, man. | ||
| Actually, he looks like that one Holtzman. | ||
| Oh yeah, he does look like Holtzman. | ||
| Imagine that guy spanking your wife. | ||
| Let's hear what the other people say. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's awful. | ||
| That was the last one? | ||
| That's awful. | ||
| Well, that's sort of like what Dawkins is kind of alluding to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally. | |
| That you're dealing with a totally different time. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And he probably didn't really get over it. | ||
| He's probably saying that to appear, look, it's no big deal, I got over it. | ||
| But the reality is that guy probably needs mushrooms and a hug. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy still, he's like avoided psychedelics. | ||
| You know where that came into play big time? | ||
| With that specific world at an issue was the Joe Paterno thing. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Because Sandusky, nobody's arguing that it was a different era. | ||
| He's a rapist and a pedophile. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But people were saying that the way... | ||
| That Paterno handled it was just an old-school guy way of doing it. | ||
| Because he was 80-something years old, his whole thing was like, you know, I didn't know, and my way of doing things for a guy from his era was like, well, just, you don't come around here anymore. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It was his way of policing that type of behavior was... | ||
| And that probably was what people would do to somebody. | ||
| Like, you hear what Jerry did? | ||
| Yeah, Jerry's not welcome here anymore. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That kind of thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's considered the discipline for that guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Not, let's call authorities and it was like, you know, he's out of here. | ||
| Yeah, Jerry, you can't fuck my kids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You gotta go away. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| That's wrong. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't come to the cookouts anymore, Jerry. | ||
| Jerry's twisted fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, one of the things that Dawkins... | ||
| Look at this guy spanking this chick. | ||
| Yeah, you know. | ||
| Acting up. | ||
| Hey, can we join in? | ||
| Wow, he's really beating on her, man. | ||
| Are they going to separate it? | ||
| What the devil do you think you're doing? | ||
| He's drunk. | ||
| He's trying to grab the glass and smell it. | ||
| Wow, he's drunk. | ||
| Wow, the grandmother thinks that's funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the mother The grandmother's laughing Oh my god. | |
| You monster, I could strangle you! | ||
| Don't you touch me! | ||
| The nerve of you coming into my house and trying to tell me what to do and hitting me! | ||
| Well, you think you're important, don't you? | ||
| Well, you're not. | ||
| You're a clerk. | ||
| A miserable little clerk. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's a low blow. | ||
| She did need to go there. | ||
| Well, maybe she did. | ||
| Maybe she needed to get spanked, too. | ||
| Talking shit about the guy being a clerk. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| She forgot how good she has it, Joe. | ||
| She's got a good life. | ||
| That's so weird when you look at stuff like that from another time and you go, that's not that far ago. | ||
| No. | ||
| In terms of the amount of time that human beings have been alive, it's not that far. | ||
| In terms of the life of the planet, obviously you get back further and further and wider and wider. | ||
| It looks tinier and tinier. | ||
| But it's really strange. | ||
| Was that a guy getting spanked? | ||
| That's a girl? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow, wrestling, they spank now? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| She has a very firm booty, too. | ||
| I bet that was fun spanking. | ||
| This guy's like, I got you, baby. | ||
| I can't believe you spanked my wife. | ||
| He's going to go back there, and while he's banging her, she's going to close his eyes and think about that guy spanking her. | ||
| Wrestling is so silly. | ||
| That's such a silly rule. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's the best thing we have. | ||
| It's so absurd. | ||
| You mean pro wrestling, you don't mean real wrestling. | ||
| Isn't it weird that real wrestling is like one of the greatest fucking sports, most difficult sports the world's ever known? | ||
| And super effective in combat. | ||
| But they had fake wrestling. | ||
| So popular. | ||
| It is the affront to American civilization. | ||
| It is the thing where if the aliens come down and they turn on the TV, if that's the first thing they watch, you've got a real problem on your hands. | ||
| And I get that, like, someone told me, you know, it's a soap opera for, like, basically for dudes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| I watch, I'm like, I... I understand it way more for, like, a kid. | ||
| You know, the characters and all that stuff. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| When I have adult friends... | ||
| I have a lot of adult friends that all still watch it and love it, like Sam from Opie and Anthony, fucking in love with it, and Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Hinchcliffe loves wrestling? | ||
| He's one of the biggest wrestler guys ever. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| I know a comic in Chicago, Marty DeRosa, fucking talking about this shit. | ||
| Did you see that shit? | ||
| What are you talking about, man? | ||
| How could you even get into it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I realized that everybody has their... | ||
| Maybe it's a nostalgia thing. | ||
| Maybe it's because they liked it back then. | ||
| Maybe they don't smoke weed. | ||
| That could be a problem. | ||
| All the classics. | ||
| I grew up with Hulk Hogan and all of them are dead or retired. | ||
| These new guys, it's like, I don't... | ||
| I get the excitement for an 11-year-old. | ||
| But now, when you have real sports, and I love when the guys get real defensive, like the guys that are in it, because they're always doing their act, no matter what, they're always doing it. | ||
| You think this shit's real? | ||
| Step in the ring, motherfucker. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, did you ever see John Stossel get beat up by the wrestler? | ||
| Yes, because he got... | ||
| That's a classic. | ||
| That guy fucked him up. | ||
| John Stossel gets beat up by a wrestler. | ||
| He got really fucked up. | ||
| He ruptured his eardrums. | ||
| And he had long-term effects from that. | ||
| Yeah, that was really not nice. | ||
| But he was getting a little cocky with the guy. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| He could have asked him in a more respectful way. | ||
| Well, I'm not going into the ring to tell these guys that I think this shit's lame. | ||
| Who's the guy who beat him up? | ||
| Dave Schultz, right? | ||
| That guy looks crazy as shit. | ||
| Look at the side of him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Is it a good business? | ||
| Yeah, it's a good business. | ||
| I wouldn't be in it if it wasn't. | ||
| Why is it a good business? | ||
| Because only the tough survive. | ||
| That's the reason you ain't in it. | ||
| And this punk holding the camera, reading he ain't in it. | ||
| Reading these rednecks out here ain't in it. | ||
| it because it's a tough business. | ||
| That's terrific. | ||
| What, is that all you got? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll ask you the standard question. | |
| You know? | ||
| Standard question. | ||
| I think this is fake. | ||
| You think it's fake? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Is that fake? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| What the hell's wrong with you? | ||
| That's open hand slap, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think it's fake? | |
| You think it's fake? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Hey, it's the hell of the matter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| The second one is, I think, the one that did the real thing. | ||
| Well, in all fairness, he was a little mouthy. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| He was a little mouthy with the wrestler. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, why would you... | ||
| Is this a good business? | ||
| First of all, he sucks as an interviewer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a sucky interview. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If I interviewed a guy like that, I would expect him to be upset with me, too. | ||
| Is this a good business? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why would you ask if it's a good business? | ||
| It's a horrible question. | ||
| Tell me about wrestling. | ||
| How'd you get involved in this? | ||
| Like, how long you been doing it? | ||
| How do you respond to people that say that this is not real? | ||
| Not me. | ||
| I'm not saying that. | ||
| You gotta be nice to the guy. | ||
| Don't be a dick. | ||
| I think it's fake. | ||
| Like, what are you... | ||
| Why are you so cocky? | ||
| Like, why do you think you could say that to a man? | ||
| Like, inches in front of him, just insult what he does. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| Of course it's fake! | ||
| You fucking dope! | ||
| It's arranged, but it's not. | ||
| They're hitting each other for real. | ||
| They're slamming each other for real. | ||
| That angle that guy took is so stupid. | ||
| Because I also... | ||
| I mean, just in life, you always... | ||
| Size up, who's in a room, right? | ||
| And like, I think some enormous dudes are fucking idiots, but I'm not going to be like, I think you're a fucking idiot to your face, because I don't want to get my ear fucking smashed. | ||
| Well, not only that, it was not necessary to create drama there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I know. | |
| That didn't draw anything out. | ||
| But he had a different idea of how that was going to turn out. | ||
| He thought, I'm going to ask him these questions and make him look stupid, because I'm way smarter than this fucking clown. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And then he got his eardrum punctured. | ||
| And, you know, I mean, he lived, he learned. | ||
| He's got a mustache, and he's a white guy. | ||
| His name is Stossel, and he's got a giant Burt Reynolds-style mustache. | ||
| And he still has it. | ||
| Does he really? | ||
| He's had that shit. | ||
| Yeah, he hasn't shaved that. | ||
| He still rocks that. | ||
| That's a fucked-up thing to happen. | ||
| To have a guy, like, manhandedly like that in front of a camera, and no one gives a shit, no one does anything. | ||
| Oh yeah, everyone's backing away from them. | ||
| No one's gonna save you right then. | ||
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| That guy's enormous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy's a giant man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got a real problem. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Mr. Stossel, you're not being protected. | ||
| A lot of those guys are... | ||
| Absolute scary fucking... | ||
| Of course they are. | ||
| Yeah, they're fucking huge. | ||
| Guys like Brock? | ||
| Brock Lesnar? | ||
| That's an enormous human. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If that guy wants to beat the fuck out of you in front of the cameraman, I mean, he might get arrested for it eventually. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But, like, while it's going down, like, no one's gonna help you. | ||
| That's just a fact. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| The Rock is a beast, too. | ||
| Oh, he's enormous. | ||
| He's bigger than ever now. | ||
| He's huge now. | ||
| He's really into bodybuilding. | ||
| He puts a lot of videos and tweets a lot about all the workouts he's doing at 4 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| He lands at 5 a.m. | ||
| He's at the hotel doing sets. | ||
| He said he was doing two hours of cardio and then three hours of lifting. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| And then he has cheat days that he puts online. | ||
| You ever see his cheat days and shit he eats? | ||
| Fucking hundred donuts and shit. | ||
| Plates of donuts. | ||
| Giant stacks of brownies. | ||
| Like, jugs. | ||
| Like, several gallons of milk. | ||
| I've seen a lot of the, like, super athletes post-sugar. | ||
| Like, a lot of, like, guys that are doing, like, the super, you know, cross-training CrossFit guys. | ||
| Their cheat thing is always incredible amounts of sugar. | ||
| I think it's probably because of caloric intake. | ||
| Like, they probably have an extreme desire for heavy caloric intake. | ||
| And that glucose kind of to kick in. | ||
| Yeah, if you're doing, like, CrossFit and shit like that. | ||
| Plus, also, when you go with, like, really healthy diet on a regular, for the most part, it's so tempting to go off the rails. | ||
| Are you still gluten-free? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| How's that going? | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I have no problems with it. | ||
| I heard UD bread is really good bread to try, so I'm going to try that out. | ||
| And then apparently there's a gluten-free bakery that wants to send us some stuff that's in LA. You know, I don't miss it that much. | ||
| I tried some gluten-free pasta. | ||
| It tastes fine. | ||
| The big thing to me is I feel way different after I eat. | ||
| When I would eat bread, I'd be like, ugh. | ||
| And I always assumed that was just how I felt after I ate. | ||
| Because I always ate bread. | ||
| I always had bread or pasta. | ||
| Like, always. | ||
| And then when I stopped, it was like, oh. | ||
| Like, I was being poisoned, essentially. | ||
| You know, like, slowly, you know. | ||
| Is it hard to do gluten-free when you travel? | ||
| Like, is it harder? | ||
| It's harder, but when I say poison, obviously I'm being melodramatic. | ||
| But what I really mean is that your body doesn't digest that shit well. | ||
| It takes a long time. | ||
| It feels like shit. | ||
| It feels weird. | ||
| And it's breads. | ||
| It's breads and pasta. | ||
| When you eliminate that stuff, it eliminates a whole level of after-meal crash. | ||
| There's still a bit of an after-meal slowdown. | ||
| I won't have a big meal and then go on stage for that very reason. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I wouldn't want to have a steak and potatoes and then run right out on stage. | ||
| But the difference between a steak and potatoes and a steak, potatoes, and pasta is significant. | ||
| Steak, potatoes, and bread is significant. | ||
| That extra level of fucking coma that you go into when you eat your pasta, it's gone. | ||
| That level's gone. | ||
| I don't get that level anymore. | ||
| Can you still have potatoes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can have any carbs. | ||
| Oh, any carbs. | ||
| You can have rice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The idea is all bait. | ||
| Like, some people say it's hooey, and it might be a little hooey. | ||
| You know, a little psychosomatic... | ||
| I don't think it is. | ||
| I think there's enough people that are pointing to some research that's been done on it that it makes sense. | ||
| And there's also research done on actual wheat itself. | ||
| The wheat itself, apparently in the 1960s, they altered it and made it a little tougher so it could survive pesticides and bug attacks and shit better. | ||
| And when they did that, it made it much more difficult for people to consume than the old school wheat that people had been eating for thousands of years. | ||
| So essentially, I don't know shit about it, you're just getting rid of wheat, right? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Some breads and even some alcohols because it's a lot of alcohols. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beers, right? | |
| Yeah, but not Heineken. | ||
| Heineken, which I drank anyway, is gluten-free. | ||
| But, like, that stuff that I love, that Black Butte Porter, that's got tons of gluten in it. | ||
| There's a lot of gluten-y beers. | ||
| There's a lot of gluten in, like, things like clam chowder has gluten in it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| There's a lot of stuff, like, you wouldn't expect, like, powdery. | ||
| Did you, I mean, you're always reading about it now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To find out what you can eat? | ||
| Yeah, I just completely quit. | ||
| I just stepped back and said, well, let's see if it's worth doing. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| And if it's not worth doing, if I don't feel any different at all, I'll go right back. | ||
| But you feel great. | ||
| But I feel a difference. | ||
| There's definitely a difference. | ||
| There's a book called Wheat Belly that I still haven't read, but a lot of people point to that as being a good source of information. | ||
| As to why there was a change in wheat itself. | ||
| And what they're saying is that whole grains of 2012 are not the whole grains of 1950. The 19th century, the Bible, pre-biblical times, modern wheat in particular is genetically distant from its predecessors thanks to extreme genetic changes inflicted by Oh, okay. | ||
| So, the healthy whole grains have been repeatedly shown to reduce risk in diabetes, heart disease, and colon cancer. | ||
| It's true, but if whole grains are compared to processed white wheat flour, it's guilty of the kind of flawed logic that dominates nutritional thinking, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| So, apparently, the grain that people used to eat is a much better tasting wheat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or a much better for you wheat. | ||
| But it just doesn't... | ||
| We don't have it anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Hmm. | ||
| So you eat a lot of protein though? | ||
| Yeah, I eat almost all protein like fish or chicken or meat and a lot of vegetables. | ||
| And I still eat potatoes and I'll still eat rice, but there's a difference in the way I feel. | ||
| I just think, digestion-wise, I think there's an issue with resources. | ||
| I think when you're eating wheat, one thing that's happening is many more resources that are used for other things are used to digest it. | ||
| It must come down to what it is. | ||
| When you think about a plate of pasta, chew that shit up, mash it up, swallow it, and then pack it all together. | ||
| It's glue. | ||
| You've got glue. | ||
| You've got a big wad of glue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your stomach acids are sort of designed to digest other things, like vegetables and meats. | ||
| I think it's a grind, man. | ||
| And this is obviously coming from someone who's not that nutritionally sound. | ||
| I don't know what I'm talking about, but I think it would just make sense. | ||
| And then once I noticed it, I just... | ||
| Are you still doing dairy? | ||
| I try to cut way back, but I still like it. | ||
| I like chocolate milk. | ||
| I like ice cream, too. | ||
| But I cut back. | ||
| But it's still delicious. | ||
| I don't eat cereal anymore, because the gluten-free cereals are not that yummy. | ||
| I like Raisin Bran. | ||
| I haven't found a gluten-free Raisin Bran. | ||
| Impossible. | ||
| I don't think it might exist, but I haven't found one yet. | ||
| So I'd stop with my cereal. | ||
| I eat cereal sometimes late at night. | ||
| It's like my cheat meal. | ||
| In front of the TV, I get a big fucking bowl of Kellogg's Raisin Bran. | ||
| Go off, son. | ||
| I cut that shit out entirely. | ||
| So I don't really have as much milk. | ||
| But there's a lot of companies now that just cater to the gluten-free, right? | ||
| There's always new things coming out. | ||
| Dude, milk and cookies are another one I miss. | ||
| I used to get these Uncle Eddie's vegan whatever the fuck it is, cookies. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Uncle Eddie's, I think? | ||
| These vegan cookies from Whole Foods. | ||
| They're so good. | ||
| Peanut butter and chocolate chip. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| If you're still eating gluten... | ||
| Don't, you know, don't pass up on these. | ||
| Please go get them, because they're the most delicious thing ever. | ||
| These vegan chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal chocolate chip with a cold glass of milk, I would eat those until I felt sick. | ||
| Trader Joe's made a crazy vegan chocolate chip cookie, too. | ||
| Really good. | ||
| They're so good. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| They don't taste bad because they're vegan. | ||
| They taste fine. | ||
| Is there a gluten-free version? | ||
| Well, I think vegan's just lacking the eggs. | ||
| I don't know what they bind it with. | ||
| Is there one that you can get? | ||
| I haven't seen one. | ||
| I've seen chocolate chip cookies that are gluten-free. | ||
| They're pretty good. | ||
| They can't fuck with those oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. | ||
| Those are incredible. | ||
| I would go pick them over non-vegan ones. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's how good they are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I always thought that, for me, the TJ ones were amazing. | ||
| I would sit in front of the TV, like say if I was watching a really good movie, and I would eat a whole bag of those fucking things. | ||
| It was probably several thousand calories. | ||
| A giant glass of milk. | ||
| I love... | ||
| There's so many times I've just been decadent, but when you hear about how many calories... | ||
| Some people can consider. | ||
| Oh, like a Michael Phelps type dude? | ||
| That shit's so fucking awesome. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| I want to watch him eat so badly while he's training. | ||
| Just watch him eat? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| I want to see. | ||
| Pass off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, they said, too, that workouts are so intense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, get going first thing of the day might be a few bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, like, everything goes down. | ||
| It's like, all right, you're in the pool. | ||
| And it's just training, training, training. | ||
| It's get out, and you eat, like, a bowl of pasta, like, you know, that's enough to fill five people's stomachs, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I think he probably blows off so much insane energy. | ||
| Yeah, it's not even... | ||
| You can't even wrap your head around that. | ||
| What kind of shit is this guy taking? | ||
| For real. | ||
| They must be thunderous. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Number six? | ||
| It's got to go somewhere. | ||
| It's got to be number sixes. | ||
| Yeah, number six. | ||
| What's a number six? | ||
| On the Bristol stool chart. | ||
| What is the stool chart? | ||
| It's how they rate your shits. | ||
| So one through seven. | ||
| One and two are like you're grinding them out. | ||
| Like they're pretty difficult. | ||
| Most of my shits are not impressive. | ||
| But every now and then, I will give birth to Godzilla. | ||
| Well, is it a nice slider? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's a four. | ||
| Slider's a four, even if it's giant? | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| Yeah, even if it's giant. | ||
| What's a six? | ||
| Six is really sloppy. | ||
| Lots of little pieces. | ||
| Like, you blew it out your ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blah! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That happens as well. | ||
| Seven is... | ||
| All liquid. | ||
| Are these bad or good on a scale of good to bad? | ||
| You want three and fours. | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| Three and fours. | ||
| Three and four is where it's at. | ||
| Three and four is where it's at. | ||
| Three and four. | ||
| I'll tell you what, man. | ||
| A really good shit that you've held in for a while is incredibly pleasing. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like, if you've been holding it in, holding it in, fuck, gotta get to a toilet, gotta get to a toilet. | ||
| And finally, even if you're in a public bathroom, you sit down, you just... | ||
| And it's so good that it doesn't bother you that you're taking a shit in a public bathroom. | ||
| You just unload that dragon right out of your ass. | ||
| It just swims out and destroys Google. | ||
| There's really no feeling like it. | ||
| There's really no feeling like it. | ||
| Number sixes are fun, though, because it's like your butthole's sneezing, but the seven one with the blood is the worst one. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| There's a one with a blood? | ||
| A seven? | ||
| A seven's blood. | ||
| Seven's just all liquid. | ||
| No solid material. | ||
| The thing is, do you ever have when you hold it in and you know it's going to be a five or six? | ||
| Like, you ever have like a... | ||
| For me, it's like if you have too greasy a breakfast, and it's the first thing that enters your stomach, and you know when you get up. | ||
| Like, if you're at a restaurant, you're like, this is going to be unbelievable in the next... | ||
| Whenever I can find a place to sit down, this is going to be a disaster. | ||
| If you're in a hotel, you get up to your room and it is a religious experience. | ||
| Oh, it's great. | ||
| I recently had a gluten-free vegan cheese pizza. | ||
| The vegan cheese doesn't digest in your body. | ||
| Your body's just like, what do you want from me? | ||
| The next day, it was like... | ||
| Asteroids. | ||
| Fireballs. | ||
| And it burnt coming out even though it wasn't even spicy cheese. | ||
| It was just because it was vegan cheese. | ||
| Stung a little bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Little bee stingers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Little bee stingers on your butthole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Little bee stingers. | |
| You need to go to a doctor. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| I told you this before. | ||
| Just for your mind. | ||
| Not even for your butt. | ||
| I've been. | ||
| I go so much now. | ||
| One of the doctors say, they just go, there's too many of you out there in the world. | ||
| There's nothing I can do. | ||
| No, I got a full physical and everything's perfect. | ||
| Everything was perfect. | ||
| Speaking of crazy doctors, a Nigerian guy working on his college... | ||
| This is a college paper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Unbelievable. | |
| He proved that gay marriage is impossible with magnets. | ||
| This is the single dumbest thing that anybody has ever said. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| This isn't a hoax? | ||
| This isn't The Onion? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| If you go to Death and Tax Mag, I think... | ||
| That's a legit website. | ||
| No, I think this is real. | ||
| I think this is totally real because every other story on it seems real. | ||
| It reads so dumb. | ||
| Okay, I can't even say the guy's name. | ||
| Chibulihim Amalaha, a post-graduate student at the University of Lego in Nigeria, has finally discovered a way to inconvertibly prove that gay marriage is wrong, Using a variety of scientific techniques. | ||
| Like magnets. | ||
| Sounds promising. | ||
| This is what he said. | ||
| This is in quotes. | ||
| To start with, physics is one of the most fundamental of all the sciences. | ||
| And I use two bar magnets in my research. | ||
| A bar magnet is a horizontal magnet that has the North Pole and the South Pole. | ||
| And when you bring two bar magnets and you bring the North Pole together, you will find that two North Poles do not attract. | ||
| They will repel. | ||
| So, you push them away from showing that a man should not attract a man. | ||
| Showing that a man should not attract a man. | ||
| If you bring two South Poles together, you will find that the two South Poles will not attract, indicating that the same sex marriage should not hold. | ||
| A female should not attract a female, as a South Pole of a magnet does not attract a South Pole of a magnet. | ||
| Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant concept. | ||
| This is hilarious. | ||
| This guy actually wrote this stuff down. | ||
| Maybe he's trolling. | ||
| Maybe he's gay as fuck. | ||
| He's slinging dick like he's handing out churros at a fair. | ||
| And he's just like, listen, I know what to do here. | ||
| I just tell them. | ||
| There is no gay marriage. | ||
| You tell me you are attracted to a dick? | ||
| Suck up on my dick. | ||
| I do not believe. | ||
| Oh, you're sucking up on my dick. | ||
| I can't even believe you pretend to like this. | ||
| I have to change my magnet theory. | ||
| You do not like to suck up on my dick. | ||
| I will come in your mouth, but only this one time. | ||
| He should hold a press conference, this guy, just so people can be like, I'm attracted to smelly armpits. | ||
| Which magnet can you show me will disprove my heart on? | ||
| Yeah, isn't that a thing with a lot of gay dudes? | ||
| They're into stinky dudes. | ||
| Stinks, yeah, yeah, stinks. | ||
| I got something for you, gay dudes. | ||
| I got something for you. | ||
| I got a lot of smelly barts. | ||
| What's up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you ever get attacked or picked on or rather hit on? | ||
| I've gotten hit on. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| What do they do to you? | ||
| What's the number one move? | ||
| Hug you. | ||
| Do you think, first of all, were you offended? | ||
| Do you like, yeah, I don't look that gay. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I wasn't offended. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I've been so hit on that I'm like, I really feel bad for women. | ||
| Like, it puts it in perspective, you know? | ||
| Oh, right, right, right. | ||
| Yeah, like, this guy's a real pig, man. | ||
| Like, I'm not a piece of meat. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I had a comic corner me once and get really goofy with me. | ||
| Yeah, I had... | ||
| In Montreal, drunk. | ||
| And it was so vile. | ||
| I kind of totally understood what it must be like for a woman to get hit on by some sleazy dude. | ||
| I had a sleazy guy do it too. | ||
| And he was like, what did he say? | ||
| He was a comic, and he was bringing me on stage, and he had been like, that's a good shirt on you, and all this little compliment. | ||
| I was like, alright, man. | ||
| And then he was like, when I bring you up, and I could tell he was hammered, what if I kissed you on the mouth? | ||
| I'd be like, don't do that, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, don't do that. | |
| And he was like, alright, alright. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Just don't do that. | ||
| A comic? | ||
| We're going to bring you on stage. | ||
| Did he lick the mic all before he gave it to you? | ||
| Hoping that some of his saliva will get into yours. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| But he was just like, he was a creep, right? | ||
| So I was like, that's what a creepy dude is to a girl. | ||
| Do you want to name names? | ||
| No, don't do it. | ||
| Okay, well. | ||
| Do it! | ||
| What if it's the same guy? | ||
| It could be. | ||
| What's the same? | ||
| Name the guy. | ||
| No, I can't. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
First name. | |
| First initial. | ||
| Brand's got the camera on me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, oh, oh. | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| People are forensic with that. | ||
| I made up a name. | ||
| Don't worry about it, folks. | ||
| You want to hear something gayer than that? | ||
| I was in a restaurant the other day. | ||
| This is not even gay. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| This is disgusting. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| A woman... | ||
| This has nothing to do with gay. | ||
| I don't even say why it's gayer than that. | ||
| A woman brought in a dog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A giant dog, like a lab. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And she sat down at a restaurant, and the lab sat down next to her table. | ||
| And I go, what the fuck's going on? | ||
| And the waitress told me that she has an emotional needs dog. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you know about this? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Tom just got it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got an emotional needs dog? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| And I might get it too. | ||
| For real? | ||
| To take it on the airplane for free. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| So, if you have an emotional needs dog, like say if you get your dog an emotional needs dog license, you could take that dog on an airplane. | ||
| For free. | ||
| For free? | ||
| For free, yes. | ||
| For free? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I recommend it for a small dog. | ||
| But every airline has like a different policy. | ||
| I mean, like... | ||
| What if someone's massively allergic to dogs that are sitting in front of you and your dog is dirty? | ||
| I have seen clown-like fucking dogs get on planes where I was like, this is a joke, right? | ||
| Like a fucking basset hound. | ||
| And to the point where we're all like, what's going on? | ||
| Like the same thing, we're on a plane. | ||
| And they were like, it's their fucking emotional needs dog. | ||
| Emotional needs dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| And I've seen a, what's it called? | ||
| An English bulldog? | ||
| You know, like a big bulldog. | ||
| Get on. | ||
| Same thing, like it's an emotional needs dog. | ||
| That is incredible. | ||
| I couldn't imagine that it would be legal in a restaurant, though. | ||
| That is so crazy to me. | ||
| Especially one that has an outside patio. | ||
| She wasn't even using the outside patio. | ||
| Really? | ||
| This dog's dirty, open asshole is just sitting there in the middle of the dining room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not washed. | ||
| I mean, the dog takes shits. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Nobody's hosing his ass off before they bring him out in public and make it presentable. | ||
| He's just farting right in front of everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| It was his lab, man. | ||
| It was a lab. | ||
| Big dog, yeah. | ||
| Big golden lab. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy bitch. | ||
| Yeah, and I think, did you tweet this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you tweet this out? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was a notable person, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Famous person. | ||
| Famous woman. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Ridiculous broken bitch. | ||
| You can't bring a fucking dog. | ||
| It's so rude to bring a big dog into a restaurant like that and act like you're king shit and just sit there with the dog and pat it. | ||
| That idea of emotional needs dog is so crazy. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| The problem is, look, there are people that are absolutely devastated, and there are probably people that, if it wasn't for their dog, they probably wouldn't even want to be alive. | ||
| That is a fact. | ||
| There are people that that thing really applies to, where it's very... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Guess what? | ||
| You don't get to bring your dog into a fucking restaurant. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| You don't get to bring that big, stupid, hairy animal... | ||
| Into a restaurant, and then someone touches something that your dog's butt touched, and they get worms. | ||
| Because that easily could happen. | ||
| You don't know if your dog has worms. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck's going on there. | ||
| You barely take care of that thing. | ||
| How many checkups do you give your dog? | ||
| Dog can't even talk. | ||
| It's like California. | ||
| You're going to be that paranoid, though. | ||
| You're going to be more as paranoid as just opening the door to go to the bathroom. | ||
| Not about paranoid, dude. | ||
| I have dogs of my own. | ||
| You just don't bring your dogs near a fucking dinner table. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| When you're out there at a restaurant, the dog is literally at the table putting its face on the table. | ||
| The person's eating and the dog's right here. | ||
| She's touching it and then she's touching the table. | ||
| She's rubbing the dog's hand and she's picking up the forks. | ||
| She's a dirty bitch. | ||
| If she wants to do that, I don't do that at home. | ||
| I don't allow my dogs to fucking sit right near the... | ||
| My cat eats off my ice cream cones. | ||
| Well, you're an idiot. | ||
| That's a dumb thing. | ||
| You probably have toxoplasma. | ||
| But, you know, if people want to do that at home, they choose to do that at home, that's one thing. | ||
| But if you have that dog around where other people eat inside a building, there's a reason why everybody can't do it. | ||
| Yeah, she just wants her dog with her. | ||
| Yeah, well, there's a reason why everybody can't do it, because if it was totally sanitary, anybody would be allowed to do it. | ||
| We wouldn't even care. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The reason why it's not allowed is because it's unsanitary. | ||
| So to put other people's health concerns behind your need to be with a fucking thing that loves you all the time is incredibly selfish. | ||
| To bring that into a restaurant and know that you are violating the standard health procedures with a loophole. | ||
| And those health procedures were put in place to make sure that people don't get sick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| From other people's dirty ass, stinky dogs. | ||
| But what about when it's a service dog where you know the person needs it, but it's still a dirty... | ||
| It is a problem. | ||
| It makes more sense at least. | ||
| Right, but it's still, that dog's still there. | ||
| It still is. | ||
| Well, I think they should take precautions and the people that work there should probably clean up extra good anywhere around the animal. | ||
| But if you're a blind person, yeah, I hear you. | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
| But this is not that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it's not that. | |
| This is just needy, crazy California. | ||
| It's California. | ||
| That's California. | ||
| Needy, crazy, famous people. | ||
| California's the first place. | ||
| I remember when I moved here and I was getting post-production jobs working in different Places, right? | ||
| And staff, people on staff, from the post-production supervisor to a producer or a writer to editors, there were fucking like 11 dogs, right? | ||
| The first place. | ||
| And I was like, what is going on? | ||
| And it was like, well, you know, we bring our dogs to work. | ||
| And I was like, I've never seen this anywhere where people just... | ||
| And then every place I got a gig after that always had 10 fucking dogs. | ||
| And they were like, well, yeah, I mean, people just bring their dogs to work. | ||
| I used to bring my dog to news radio. | ||
| Yeah, Frank Sinatra, the pit bull. | ||
| I used to bring him to work. | ||
| And I used to bring Squeaky, Squeaky Fromm, my other pit bull. | ||
| I used to bring her to Fear Factor. | ||
| It's California. | ||
| Yeah, Squeaky Fromm was a creepy little bitch. | ||
| I couldn't leave her at home with the other dogs. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| She would start some shit. | ||
| What kind of dog was that? | ||
| She was a pit bull. | ||
| Pit bull? | ||
| So I'd bring her with me to work. | ||
| Good dog, though? | ||
| Oh, she was a sweetie with people. | ||
| She was a real sweetie with people. | ||
| She loved people. | ||
| She hated other dogs, though. | ||
| She didn't like them because they would take attention away from her. | ||
| She was a rescue dog. | ||
| There's a great thing about rescuing dogs in that you get to save a dog from most likely being put down. | ||
| But the bad thing about rescue dogs is when I got her, she was almost a year. | ||
| She had been really badly abused. | ||
| And so that almost a year of her life, she had been treated like shit. | ||
| And when I came along and treated her with love, anybody that got between that was very dangerous to her. | ||
| Like another dog... | ||
| That came in and tried to get the love. | ||
| Like, she would snap at the cat, like, bitch, you better get the fuck away from my man. | ||
| Like, she wanted only me to pet her. | ||
| Like, and when, like, she would come running with the other dogs, she would growl at them and snap at them to get out of the way so that she could get pet. | ||
| She would back everybody else off. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| She was just a gangster. | ||
| And were you able to grab that at all? | ||
| No. | ||
| She killed my dog. | ||
| She killed one of my dogs. | ||
| Did she really? | ||
| She actually killed two of them. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, she killed one of the dogs and then she got in a fight with the male to the point where he had to be put down. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was crazy. | ||
| They're crazy dogs. | ||
| The problem with pit bulls is you're dealing with, and people who get mad at me for saying this, listen, nobody loves those dogs more than I do. | ||
| I've had a few of them in my life and Frank was an amazing dog. | ||
| He was a beautiful, smart, A sweetheart with people, with all my friends. | ||
| He was so kind. | ||
| He was such a sweet, friendly, loving dog. | ||
| But he was a Hawaiian boar-fighting dog. | ||
| They used him to hunt boars. | ||
| And those dogs were so animal-aggressive because they were bred to go after boars and hold onto them. | ||
| They were so smart because of that. | ||
| They were really clever and they had a really high prey drive. | ||
| And a lot of times in dogs, High prey drive is also with high intelligence. | ||
| A lot of those dogs that get through, especially because of the cruel nature of both dog fighting and using them for animals, for hunting, and stuff like that. | ||
| You have to have only the best, wildest, craziest, strongest, bravest dog to breed. | ||
| And that's how you make a strong bloodline. | ||
| The real problem is, like, they're bred to do shit you don't want them to do. | ||
| They're bred to fight. | ||
| They're bred to want to kill animals. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, even if you're really good at training them, which I was really good at training dogs. | ||
| I've been training dogs my whole life. | ||
| I'm pretty good at it. | ||
| I mean, I'm not a professional. | ||
| I'm not like, you know, Guys who train dogs for Schutzen, but I'm pretty good at getting a dog to explain what I want and I know not to be cruel to them and always give them love. | ||
| And when you get a new puppy, you spend more time with the big dog than you do with the puppy to let the big dog know that the little dogs around, you're going to get more attention. | ||
| You're going to get more attention. | ||
| Like, I'm good at that shit. | ||
| But they... | ||
| You know, they have a nature. | ||
| They have a nature from thousands of years of breeding, and it's really hard to change. | ||
| It's really hard to change. | ||
| It's in the wiring, right? | ||
| Like, it's just not going to... | ||
| A bit. | ||
| I mean, certainly you can develop dogs that are more aggressive because you promote it, but I did the opposite of promoting it. | ||
| I tried to discourage it whenever possible and tried to encourage love whenever possible and make them be sweeties. | ||
| Get them plenty of exercise. | ||
| I bought a big yard just because I have plenty of room for them to run around. | ||
| I want them to be contained. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| They want to fuck up other dogs, man. | ||
| Yeah, she still wanted to kill someone. | ||
| They wanted to go to war, and she'll fight to the death. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| But meanwhile, she's slept in my bed. | ||
| Sweetest dog ever. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| She's my baby. | ||
| She would go on trips with me, and she would sit right beside me in my car seat, like if I drove somewhere. | ||
| I would take her with me all the time. | ||
| I took her to work all the time. | ||
| She would sit right next to me. | ||
| Big stupid face. | ||
| Head out the window. | ||
| Yeah, that's awesome. | ||
| Dogs are amazing. | ||
| I love dogs. | ||
| But you can't bring them to the restaurant, you fucking crazy cunt. | ||
| Have that dog's dirty asshole out there with my little kids or touching shit. | ||
| On one side of the restaurant, there's a dog. | ||
| The other side's a three-year-old with a vulnerable immune system. | ||
| You dirty, stinky asshole. | ||
| Do you bring your dog out? | ||
| Me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I don't take my dog to restaurants, but I'm more concerned about just fucking restaurants. | ||
| These waiters with their dirty poop hands. | ||
| That could happen. | ||
| I mean, I worked in restaurants, so I saw shit like, oh, that guy pissed me off. | ||
| I'm going to take his hamburger patty, put it against my balls, and put it back on his. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I saw that shit all the time. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
| I've seen that. | ||
| I've done it a few times. | ||
| I've seen... | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| You should lie about that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's been seven years. | ||
| Is that statute of limitations legally? | ||
| People put it on their balls? | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| That's horrible. | ||
| I did this one where this guy said he wanted a medium rare steak. | ||
| And so I gave him a medium rare. | ||
| It was perfect. | ||
| He goes, that's too raw. | ||
| And I'm like, do you even know what a medium rare steak is? | ||
| So we brought it back medium. | ||
| And then he came and was like, oh, you overcooked it. | ||
| I was like, all right, you didn't know anything. | ||
| So when they gave us the steak back, I just wiped it all over my asshole and then put it back on the plate. | ||
| And then you fed it to him? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Wow, Brian. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| All over your asshole? | ||
| What'd your asshole feel like? | ||
| I think you lost there. | ||
| The guy didn't even know. | ||
| Meanwhile, you had steak juice all over your asshole. | ||
| You put a hot steak on your asshole? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, I did. | |
| You're a problem. | ||
| Didn't some of that seasoning kind of give it a little kick? | ||
| Spice. | ||
| What did your ass taste like that night? | ||
| That's why his steaks suck. | ||
| You know, you can't even taste them with your asshole. | ||
| There's no flavor on that thing. | ||
| There's definitely a thing where when you're a waiter and the table is treating you like shit, it's like, you know, fuck you, dude. | ||
| I don't give a fuck that I'm working at this restaurant, how you're talking to me right now. | ||
| That happens more than ever. | ||
| That's why when you complain at restaurants, unless you're cool about it, you gotta watch the fuck out because a lot of people do crazy shit. | ||
| Yeah, no doubt, no doubt. | ||
| I think that restaurants, like... | ||
| When I go, I try to be super nice to everybody. | ||
| I'm super cognizant of that. | ||
| You don't want to treat somebody like shit that's about to handle your food. | ||
| You gotta be careful about that, man. | ||
| I've seen people do things. | ||
| I worked at a restaurant and I saw a dude spit in someone's ice cream shake. | ||
| Took a big hock of Louie and stuck it in there. | ||
| That's so... | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| And for no reason. | ||
| He just decided to be cute. | ||
| He thought it was cute. | ||
| He would try to be funny. | ||
| I was working as a dishwasher and he was working as a cook and he would go and spit on the cheeseburgers and shit and flip them. | ||
| That's fucked up, man. | ||
| He would go, watch this. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| There was this restaurant I worked at and there was a band-aid that was in the tomato basil soup and one of the waitresses brought it back and was like, somebody put a band-aid in the soup. | ||
| And I just remember they never replaced the soup. | ||
| They just got her more soup from the same thing that the band-aid was in. | ||
| I was in this one place in Hawaii and these people were trying to scam the waiter. | ||
| They were trying to scam the waiter by saying that the waiter has to do something about, you know, their bill because the rice was too hot. | ||
| Like, first you brought the rice over, it was cold. | ||
| Then you bring it over and it's so hot it burns her mouth. | ||
| I mean, you guys gotta get it together here. | ||
| And, like, they were being, like, it was an English guy. | ||
| And he was being loud and belligerent. | ||
| It was so bad and so blatant that it was almost like he was doing some undercover camera showing how someone could scam a waiter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so then the guy brings over the manager of the restaurant. | ||
| He insists on speaking to the manager. | ||
| He feels like by the time the manager gets there, the manager just wants to calm everything down. | ||
| Can we comp your meal, sir? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And they're working on trying to get the meal comped. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| But you can tell the manager knows this guy's full of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| So he lets the guy talk out, but the guy was, he didn't even try to calm him down while the guy was talking really loud in this restaurant. | ||
| So it became a really strange thing where everybody was paying attention to it. | ||
| It was theater. | ||
| But the manager just stayed kind of like, sir, what are you trying to do? | ||
| Like, what would you like? | ||
| And the guy's like, well, I'm saying you guys have got to make amends here. | ||
| This rice was cold, and now it's so hot, she burned her mouth. | ||
| Like, I almost burned my mouth! | ||
| And he's like, and you know, you didn't have one of the specials on the menu. | ||
| I go to order it, you're out. | ||
| My good man, you know, I'm from London. | ||
| If this happens in London, you know, they do something about it. | ||
| And the guy said, what are you suggesting, sir? | ||
| He goes, well, I'm suggesting that you take care of our bill or something along those lines. | ||
| And the guy's like, that's not going to happen, sir. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| And so then another waiter comes over, and then they're just hovering over this guy. | ||
| While he pretends to be outraged about this. | ||
| He's trying to put together a scam. | ||
| He just doesn't have any ammunition. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But they're going for it. | ||
| I've seen it countless times at comedy clubs. | ||
| So many times at comedy clubs. | ||
| Oh yeah, mock indignation. | ||
| It's like a lingering group. | ||
| People have left the show. | ||
| And you're like, what's going on? | ||
| Why are they here? | ||
| And they're like, man, this shit wasn't even good. | ||
| The food you brought, you ate it. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, but it was bad. | ||
| Like, you ate it. | ||
| You didn't say anything then. | ||
| They always order a shitload, too. | ||
| Like, they always order, like, three appetizers. | ||
| Like, they just go crazy, and then at the end, they tell you. | ||
| I've seen at a restaurant a guy with a big party. | ||
| Like, these shrimp were terrible, man. | ||
| These were bad. | ||
| Like, the ones that you ate an hour ago. | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| This has got to go, man. | ||
| I can't, I mean... | ||
| You know there's another problem, too, that people do, and that's when a bunch of people go out... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Automatic activity? | |
| No. | ||
| A bunch of people go out, and one person gets stuck I think? | ||
| And then there's like, well, then he put in $40. | ||
| Shit, I don't have to put in anything. | ||
| Like, people have all this weird logic when it comes to paying a bill. | ||
| That happens every night going to Norm's. | ||
| You know, all the comics, like 20 comics all sitting there, and you're like, wait a second, I gave $40. | ||
| Oh, that's not good. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| I've gone out with groups where I was planning on, you know, everyone chipping in something. | ||
| I'm like, I have to bust out credit card and pay a crazy amount more. | ||
| Yeah, that can become a problem, man. | ||
| And it'll also become a problem if they expect you to pay. | ||
| Like, if you pay a couple of times, they're like, yeah, Redman will pay. | ||
| And then they'll start ordering omelets and shit, hash browns, and like, yeah, I wasn't gonna get orange juice, but fucking Redman's gonna pay. | ||
| Redman's got my back. | ||
| I was gonna have some ice water, but I'm pretty sure Redman's gonna pay. | ||
| I'll get that steak and eggs. | ||
| Yeah, I just throw down a 20 at that point, which is usually like $5 more than I should. | ||
| Here's my, you know... | ||
| You have to do that every episode. | ||
| You can see people doing that, though, if you're around long, especially comics. | ||
| It's so opportunistic, man. | ||
| The struggling comic is one of the sleaziest, most least trustworthy animal in all of entertainment. | ||
| Because they're like part criminal, part artist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All wrapped up together. | ||
| How many struggling comics do we know that are just a hair from being a criminal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Or they're homeless people. | ||
| They all live in their cars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, there's a lot of that. | |
| All these people live in the Hollywood Hills. | ||
| You always take care of shit, though. | ||
| Like, I've been turned down to pay stuff by you every time I've ever... | ||
| Yeah, but that's when we're working together. | ||
| When we work together, I take care of everything. | ||
| That's the deal. | ||
| That's pretty crazy. | ||
| The deal is I take care of all the hotel, I take care of all the meals, I take care of all the... | ||
| I think that's the way you're supposed to deal with it. | ||
| It's not your job to be there with me. | ||
| Your job is to do your show. | ||
| So all the other time, all the other stuff during the day, that takes away from the amount of money that you make at a gig. | ||
| If you have to worry about paying all your meals and paying for a hotel or paying for this or paying for that... | ||
| That seems like bullshit to me. | ||
| Like, when you're on the road, you know, you're my guest. | ||
| That's nice of you. | ||
| I have, that's very nice of you. | ||
| I have friends that I've brought on the road who assume that I'm in that position, too. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Well, like, I didn't bring, I'm like, yeah, you know, I got you this week. | ||
| And then, like, they're just like, let's go out to eat. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| And then the bill comes in and you're like, hey man, yours was 50 bucks. | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| They're like, I don't have 50 bucks. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| And what do you say? | ||
| Listen, bitch. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you know, at a certain point you're just like, all right. | ||
| I'm not going to make a fucking scene out of it, unless it were like real significant. | ||
| I'm just like... | ||
| All right, man. | ||
| Good date. | ||
| So they just assumed that you were going to pay. | ||
| I've had that happen, for sure. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| That doesn't seem like something would be normal. | ||
| In fact, one of the reasons why I chose to do that from the get-go was all the people that would complain about being on the road with someone and how much money it would cost. | ||
| Oh, right, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and we gotta pay for all my meals, so at the end of the day I don't make any money. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, you know why you don't make any money? | ||
| Because you can't even eat your food you have at home. | ||
| You gotta eat out every meal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there's no reason for that, I think, if a guy's doing well. | ||
| Did you see about that guy, this is not a comic, but it was a video, it was a clip we played, On my podcast, on your mom's house, of the guy who's like, get your hands off my penis, that guy? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| My dad? | ||
| Is that my dad? | ||
| Is that your dad? | ||
| Yeah, it's so funny, though. | ||
| Get your hands off my penis? | ||
| Well, this guy, if you look at this guy, he's doing exactly what we're talking about. | ||
| He became famous for this in Australia, which is he would go out to five-star meals, like at restaurants. | ||
| And then when the bill came, he would just go, I don't have any money. | ||
| And they were like, what? | ||
| And they were like, I just don't have any money. | ||
| Like, I don't have any money. | ||
| And most of the time, they didn't want to create scenes in these places, so he'd get thrown out. | ||
| Sometimes he would fake a heart attack, and he'd call an ambulance. | ||
| So the priority was on getting him to a hospital. | ||
| He became the most famous guy for doing this, to the point where he had multiple court appearances, and judges would be like, you're a disgrace to humanity. | ||
| And he'd be like, I'm a terrible person, I know. | ||
| It's one of the funniest videos in the world. | ||
| Play it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Play it! | |
| This is him coming out of a restaurant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gentlemen, this is Democracy Manifest. | |
| He's fighting against the cops. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have a look at the headlock here. | |
| See that chap over there? | ||
| Get your hand off my penis! | ||
| This is the bloke who got me on the penis before. | ||
| Why did you do this to me? | ||
| For what reason? | ||
| What is the charge? | ||
| Eating a meal? | ||
| A succulent Chinese meal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir. | |
| Oh, yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I see that you know your judo well. | |
| Good one. | ||
| Know your judo well. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you waiting to receive my limp penis? | |
| He's amazing! | ||
| Ta-da! | ||
| I love how it ends even. | ||
| Ta-da and farewell. | ||
| That guy was for the, you know, hundredth time. | ||
| They all knew him. | ||
| That's what was going on there. | ||
| They're like, you're the same fucking asshole. | ||
| What a crazy fuck. | ||
| But if you ran a restaurant, what a pain in the ass a guy like that would be. | ||
| A guy who takes advantage of other people being nice and the rules. | ||
| And he would also order extraordinary bottles of wine. | ||
| Of course. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| He probably also runs Red Lights. | ||
| It's not for me. | ||
| It's for you. | ||
| He's a chess master. | ||
| He is. | ||
| He was. | ||
| He's dead. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Oh, that guy died? | ||
| Yeah, he's died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How'd he die? | |
| I don't remember. | ||
| He died in 03, I think. | ||
| His last name, I think, was Doza. | ||
| D-O-U-Z-A. D-O-U-Z-A. I think so. | ||
| And they think he might have been, you know, mentally ill as well. | ||
| Oh, no way. | ||
| Robert. | ||
| He kind of reminds me of Robert. | ||
| It's D'Souza. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| D-S-O-U-S-A. A Hungarian guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In Australia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was his... | ||
| Succulent Chinese meal? | ||
| A succulent Chinese meal? | ||
| My penis? | ||
| I think that's the man. | ||
| Me and Tommy are going to be on the road. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Let's figure this out. | ||
| No, that's not the man. | ||
| I'm coming up with the wrong name. | ||
| Your wrong name? | ||
| Yeah, that's not him. | ||
| What does it say on that video you just played, Brian? | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Man, Australian man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get your hands off my penis, man. | |
| Hmm. | ||
| That's not the guy? | ||
| Not D'Souza. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here it is. | |
| I see the guy there. | ||
| It doesn't say in any of the videos on YouTube, at least, that I see. | ||
| I see the video on LiveLeak. | ||
| Item info. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get your hands off my penis. | |
| So apparently he was a chess master. | ||
| Paul Doza, right? | ||
| Yeah, Paul Charles Doza, dubbed the restaurant runner. | ||
| He was a chess master. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Checkmate. | ||
| A former chef who dines at expensive restaurants and then pleads poverty has been convicted for the 54th time of refusing to pay for a meal. | ||
| Paul Charles Doza, he was only 48 there, dubbed the restaurant runner by local newspapers, was fined $180 on Monday for refusing to pay a $50 bill at a Chinese restaurant. | ||
| The following day, he dined out at the five-star Sheraton Wentworth Hotel, then told the staff that he could not pay the $48 check. | ||
| He was fined $200 for that offense on Wednesday and ordered to compensate the restaurant. | ||
| Doza pleaded guilty, but the charges saying that he was in a state of inebriation. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| He was a Hungarian master chess player and the leading junior drawing with Portich, etc., in between... | ||
| Oh, in Debrecen? | ||
| I don't even know how to say this. | ||
| In 1956. Wow. | ||
| This says that he sometimes... | ||
| He would eat, drink, say he was very ill, ask for an ambulance to be called. | ||
| Out of concern, they would take him. | ||
| But then one night, he was caught when the same ambulance driver picked him up from a different restaurant. | ||
| Oh, that's so funny. | ||
| And he sometimes rented a luxurious apartment paying advance rent, hired expensive furniture, I guess rented that, sold the furniture, and then disappeared. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, there's people that don't play by the rules, man. | ||
| And there's people that are just fucking crazy, too. | ||
| Like, who knows? | ||
| I mean, this guy easily could have been some sort of a sociopath. | ||
| He could have been just completely nuts. | ||
| It's funny, though, that someone would be a chess master, and that would be something they would be into doing. | ||
| Can I get the check, mate? | ||
| I mean, if you can deal with the actual shame of being told that you're a delinquent and you're not paying, if you can deal with that, you've just got an amazing meal that you can never afford. | ||
| You just keep doing it over and over again, and it doesn't bother you in the slightest. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know what I saw that's fucking hilarious? | ||
| The World's End. | ||
| Oh yeah, Simon. | ||
| The new pub crawl, Simon Pegg. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Fucking funny movie, dude. | ||
| Those guys are always great together. | ||
| That was his best one. | ||
| I liked Shaun of the Dead. | ||
| Shaun of the Dead was good. | ||
| This was better. | ||
| This was really fucking funny. | ||
| It was really good, man. | ||
| It was interesting. | ||
| It's like, I don't want to say too much, I don't want to give it away, but it's like two different movies. | ||
| It's like you're watching one movie, and then all of a sudden the movie changes. | ||
| Sort of like with Dust Till Dawn. | ||
| You remember in the beginning of Dust Till Dawn, like, super serious action thriller, and then it becomes this wacky, zany vampire movie? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| This is not quite as extreme, but two very distinctly different films. | ||
| And fucking great, man. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I really enjoy the shit out of it. | ||
| I laughed out loud, like, really hard a couple of times. | ||
| Is it in the theater right now? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| It's right now. | ||
| I laughed, like, really, like, like, good stuff, man. | ||
| I really like him. | ||
| I like the other guy, too, the big guy. | ||
| Oh, the big guy was amazing. | ||
| He steals the movie. | ||
| The big guy's the shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it was incredible, man. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| And they're always together. | ||
| Those two make a lot of movies together, right? | ||
| They're always doing stuff together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they did Shaun of the Dead. | ||
| What was the one they did with the, um... | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Hot Fuzz. | ||
| Hot Fuzz. | ||
| Yeah, that's when there was like the killer, right? | ||
| I love that movie. | ||
| I love all those movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Shaun of My Dead is one of my favorite movies. | ||
| Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| The guy's just funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's just funny. | ||
| I mean, his sensibilities, he's just really good at being funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, for whatever reason. | ||
| What's funny though, when I put it on Twitter, everybody was like, don't you mean this is the end? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like the same, it's really similar. | ||
| Seth Rogen. | ||
| Seth Rogen. | ||
| They're like correcting me. | ||
| I'm like, no fuckheads. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to see that also, though. | ||
| Yeah, that looks good. | ||
| I heard good things about that. | ||
| I haven't seen any of that. | ||
| Yeah, it looks good. | ||
| James Franco, is that right? | ||
| Yeah, James Franco. | ||
| They have a lot of cameos in that. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, a lot. | ||
| Well, I mean, Craig Robinson, that whole crew, Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, all the guys that you've seen in those movies separately all make appearances, I think. | ||
| Why are so many chess players crazy? | ||
| I was just thinking about that. | ||
| Somebody put up a photo of Bobby Fischer. | ||
| Wasn't he nuts? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He was like crazy racist too, right? | ||
| Anti-Semite, like big time. | ||
| Anti-Semite. | ||
| What's that about? | ||
| I just had a whole thing about like he hated Jews and then they found out that he was actually... | ||
| Part Jewish? | ||
| Jewish in origin, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So he's trying to throw them off the tracks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Sort of like how Ted Haggard would talk bad about gay people? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he wasn't like... | ||
| He wasn't... | ||
| The older he got, I think the crazier Fisher got, he wasn't even subtle about it, man. | ||
| He was very much like, well... | ||
| I think there's also an issue with a guy like Bobby Fischer that he's just so fucking smart and so crazy. | ||
| Too smart for his own good. | ||
| Have you ever seen those videos? | ||
| Brian, see if you can pull this up. | ||
| Where Bobby Fischer would play multiple games of chess simultaneously. | ||
| He would walk in a room and they would all be playing and he would walk down the aisle and make his moves at like 16 different tables at the same time. | ||
| He was playing them all in his head at the same time. | ||
| He was playing them all. | ||
| He had all the games calculated up in his head. | ||
| Running simultaneously. | ||
| All he did was chess, man. | ||
| That hurts my dick. | ||
| It hurts my dick. | ||
| I feel it in my dick. | ||
| From the tip to the base. | ||
| It's too much work. | ||
| I can't do this craziness. | ||
| When I see someone who's just completely engulfed by something like that, that's just like some super master that's completely engulfed in something like chess, it kind of freaks me out. | ||
| Yeah, it's scary. | ||
| It freaks me out. | ||
| I don't know where the... | ||
| I searched for multiple chess games, Bobby Fischer. | ||
| That's not it, because you don't watch the actual game itself. | ||
| You watch him walking into a room, and he's playing all these games at the same time. | ||
| There's a great documentary about him. | ||
| You look up multiple simultaneous pool games? | ||
| I put Bobby Fischer, multiple chess games. | ||
| Who took him in in the end? | ||
| I think it was Iceland or something. | ||
| Iceland? | ||
| Someone did, right? | ||
| Somebody gave him, yeah. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Kasparov. | ||
| Pull up Kasparov. | ||
| You can find him doing it. | ||
| Kasparov simultaneous chess game. | ||
| There's Kasparov walking in a room. | ||
| He's another super genius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And there's like a gang of people here. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| This guy's just walking down this huge table with all these geniuses. | ||
| They have notebooks and pencils and shit. | ||
| They're all studying each move. | ||
| And Kasparov walks in and, like, literally within seconds he's made a move. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Oh, bitch, you're dead. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| Here, let me fuck that. | ||
| What are you going to do here? | ||
| You ain't going to do shit, bitch. | ||
| Suck on that. | ||
| Hmm, what about this? | ||
| Oh, you can go fuck yourself. | ||
| And how about... | ||
| Oh, bitch, are you crazy? | ||
| Oh, I see what you're doing. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Slam! | ||
| Checkmate! | ||
| Suck it! | ||
| Wow, this is like dozens of people he's playing. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Kasparov would just do this on a regular basis. | ||
| It's multiple tables of people. | ||
| Yeah, three huge, long tables of people. | ||
| And he looks over each chessboard no more than 15 seconds. | ||
| He just looks at him and goes, oh, this is actually a long one. | ||
| Look at this one. | ||
| He's got a huge boner. | ||
| His dick's getting hard as fuck. | ||
| He's playing a guy that's good. | ||
| The guy must be good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, he's paused. | ||
| He has to pause. | ||
| He moved. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| There's a little kid right here. | ||
| He's like, not that good, fuckface. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that kid. | |
| Like, how are you, little fuck? | ||
| I wonder if there's a limit. | ||
| I wonder if he gets like a hundred tables and his fucking head explodes. | ||
| There's a certain amount of tables he could do. | ||
| But is he just like... | ||
| I don't play chess, only Chinese triggers, but when he looks at it, is it like a math equation almost to him? | ||
| Is he really thinking it in his head or is it something that he can just look at the table and go, alright, I see what's going on here. | ||
| A guy at that level has played thousands of chess games, like many thousands, and knows... | ||
| The possibilities. | ||
| His level is like, he has played them. | ||
| He's also done them himself. | ||
| Like, I want to try this route. | ||
| And that is like, it's a map to him, for sure. | ||
| He sees the whole thing and goes, I know how this can go. | ||
| I'm going to do this. | ||
| Yeah, I agree. | ||
| It seems like there's a certain level that they get where they see things just completely differently. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And then you and I would, it's almost like gridded out for him. | ||
| He sees the possibilities play out. | ||
| There's also games where they play three chess games simultaneously. | ||
| It's like a separate board. | ||
| Have you ever seen that? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| I've seen a much larger board, and three different sets of pieces are all going at it at the same time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't want to do that. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| It's just too much, man. | ||
| There's not enough time in the world. | ||
| I would like to see chess masters versus how much pussy they get, like on a chart. | ||
| Like how great you have to be, like Kasparov at his best, how little pussy he was getting. | ||
| You can't be getting any. | ||
| You're not getting any. | ||
| Well, we would like to think they don't get any. | ||
| We would like to think, as men who can't play chess, we'd be like, yeah, but he ain't getting any pussy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That would help us, right? | ||
| Yeah, I would feel better about that. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want him to think that he's way smarter than me and he gets a lot of pussy. | ||
| I think he... | ||
| I think a guy, though, at that level, with what he's doing, his time to indulge in his interest of pussy is not that great. | ||
| Well, I think he's probably such a bad motherfucker, too. | ||
| He probably can't even talk to regular people. | ||
| Yeah, right, exactly. | ||
| Like, if he was gay and he had to fuck you, the conversation he would have with you would be like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just shut up and suck it. | ||
| Tired of talking to you, Tom. | ||
| You don't know shit and I don't care about football. | ||
| I have a hundred games going on right now in the basement. | ||
| They're waiting for me. | ||
| Suck my cock. | ||
| It's just a biological function, right? | ||
| I just gotta empty this load right now. | ||
| Well, you know, that was the story of Nikola Tesla. | ||
| Nikola Tesla allegedly destroyed his sexuality. | ||
| That was the quote. | ||
| And the idea was that he got so flabbergasted by a relationship that he was having. | ||
| It was so emotionally taxing that he decided to just kill his dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you shock it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's an ambiguous term that he used, that he killed his sexuality. | ||
| You don't think guys like Kasparov and Fischer are connected with girls who are like, you're really good at chess. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| They're really good. | ||
| That's how you do all those moves. | ||
| Totally beat him. | ||
| I need to find that quote because it's a really weird quote. | ||
| His sexual desire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he was a weird guy, man. | |
| But the other thing about Nikola Tesla, man, is that he was so fucking smart, you would have to be crazy to be that smart. | ||
| I mean, there's really no way around it. | ||
| Yeah, I think everybody, all these guys, Fisher, all these guys were, they were, what is it, like, savants? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They weren't, you know, they couldn't. | ||
| Have regular conversations. | ||
| Well, Tesla also had some strange quote about pulling signals from other worlds. | ||
| He was receiving communication from other worlds and was getting some ideas from other worlds. | ||
| He had a really bizarre mind. | ||
| But the thing about it is you can't deny the effectiveness of it. | ||
| It's real weird when someone is an obvious, genuine, 100% bonafide super genius to the point where a guy like me can't even understand how this guy could come up with so many patents. | ||
| I mean, he had so many fucking patents. | ||
| So many different light and illumination-based systems designed by Tesla. | ||
| Dynamic electric machine communicators. | ||
| The first patterns issued to Tesla in the US. He just did amazing shit. | ||
| He developed alternating current. | ||
| Before that, it was just direct current. | ||
| You couldn't have a toaster and a car plugged into the same port. | ||
| Oh, and he designed it so that... | ||
| He designed alternate current so that it would work with different shit. | ||
| Do you think that, like, the reason... | ||
| We are designed so that it doesn't frustrate us how much smarter people like that are. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, like with the math thing that we were talking about. | ||
| I think there's a giant spectrum of human beings, first of all. | ||
| And I think that there's a reason why personalities vary so much. | ||
| I think it's part of the whole machine that keeps society moving. | ||
| It's like there has to be jokers and there have to be serious people and there have to be people that are obsessive about things and there have to be people who are lazy. | ||
| There's had to be people that accept shitty jobs and people that want the best of everything always, and they have this insatiable desire to get the most expensive car and the most expensive wife. | ||
| They're almost like machines pushing entropy. | ||
| They're almost like machines pushing momentum. | ||
| And it's like these various different variations in personality from the full spectrum of incredibly lazy to insanely ambitious. | ||
| It's almost like that's important, that it all mixes together and it acts like a machine. | ||
| You know, that's what I think. | ||
| I mean, it makes sense to me that everything that we see is natural. | ||
| All behavior is natural, whether it's behavior in wolves or honeybees or, you know, coyotes, whatever it is. | ||
| Behavior of animals is natural, including almost all the behavior that human beings exhibit. | ||
| Including materialism. | ||
| And then it's almost like materialism is just another way that we can show our peacock feathers and our domination outside of actual physical contests and fighting. | ||
| And that we figured out this variable where a guy does not have to be handsome, does not have to be Have great genetics, but if he's got a brilliant mind, like a Bill Gates type character, he could rise to the top and be one of the sexiest catches a woman could ever hope for. | ||
| You know how many supermodels would love to go out with Bill Gates? | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| If Bill Gates was single, let's just say if Bill Gates was single, and he just decided, you know what, I'm 70, it's time to sling dick. | ||
| And Bill Gates just went on a goddamn tear. | ||
| If he could get the hottest, most perfect women, and they would be flabbergasted that they were with Bill Gates, like, oh my god, I can't believe it. | ||
| I want to be yours, honey. | ||
| Baby, I don't care about looks. | ||
| It's what's important to me. | ||
| It's personality. | ||
| And you're so amazing. | ||
| And you're so kind to me. | ||
| He just wants to cuddle with him and take cock and diamonds. | ||
| And just get diamonds every day. | ||
| New diamonds and diamonds here. | ||
| And everything is made of diamonds. | ||
| Your whole house is diamonds. | ||
| And forget to take the pill pretty often. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoopsies! | |
| Got another baby coming! | ||
| Whoopsies! | ||
| Yeah, awesome insurance policy. | ||
| Load, load. | ||
| Yeah, but that's part of this whole evolutionary system. | ||
| It's almost like it's designed that way. | ||
| It's designed as being another outlet. | ||
| You can get the Laird Hamilton thing, where you're just like this beautiful man, this gigantic... | ||
| Or, you know, it could be Wozniak, you know, because... | ||
| Wozniak, little chubby guy with a billion dollars in the bank. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You know, it makes him quite attractive. | ||
| Oh my God, I'm so into circuits. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's these weird variations of what makes someone attractive. | ||
| And these weird variations in personality that sort of push, you know, the whole machine, the whole machine of culture. | ||
| Materialism also applies to, like, your sense of self-worth, you know? | ||
| You get things for yourself to make yourself feel, to pump yourself up, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is an expensive thing, I got it, therefore people will associate me with this thing. | ||
| Dude, Tesla invented x-rays. | ||
| Investigating... | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah, that's my shit. | ||
| That's your shit. | ||
| Tesla may have been the first person in North America to accidentally capture an x-ray image. | ||
| When he tried to photograph Mark Twain illuminated by an earlier type of gas discharge tube, the Geiser tube in 1895, the only thing captured in the image was the metal locking screw on the camera lens. | ||
| Soon after much of Tesla's early research, hundreds of invention models, plans, notes, laboratory ideas, tools, photographs, valued at $50,000 was lost in the Fifth Avenue Laboratory Fire of 1895. Oh, my God. | ||
| Laboratory fire. | ||
| Wink, wink. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They came in, torched that place, stole his notes, created X-rays. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's worth a lot of money. | ||
| He probably got ganked many times over. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah, it's incredible. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| Yeah, he had something to do with the invention of radio waves, too. | ||
| Jesus, man. | ||
| A radio, rather. | ||
| I think he had the first radio-controlled, remote-controlled car, or a boat. | ||
| He had a remote-controlled boat. | ||
| Yeah, 1898, Tesla demonstrated a remote-controlled boat. | ||
| 1898, dude. | ||
| I mean, what the fuck? | ||
| He called it tele-automation. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| It was in Madison Square Garden. | ||
| He demonstrated his electric radio-controlled boat in Madison Square Garden. | ||
| That's what a big deal it was. | ||
| The guy had a remote-controlled boat, and everybody was like... | ||
| That's so long ago to come up with that. | ||
| It is incredible. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| He invented a lot of shit. | ||
| That's like a fucking spaceship to those people. | ||
| He was also in love with a pigeon. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he was in love with his pigeon. | ||
| He like had a special relationship with a pigeon. | ||
| Like Iron Mike? | ||
| I think it's different. | ||
| Reincarnated. | ||
| Who's Iron Mike? | ||
| Tyson? | ||
| Oh, Tyson? | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| I think his relationship with the pigeon might have been more romantic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, like a flashlight that flies away when it's gone. | |
| A flashlight pigeon. | ||
| Go clean yourself in the pool. | ||
| Yeah, he had a lot of weird shit with pigeons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It's such a unique one to be down for. | ||
| Yeah, I love that pigeon as a man loves a woman, and she loved me. | ||
| As long as I had her, there was a purpose to my life. | ||
| Yeah, that's spelled out right there. | ||
| He became a vegetarian in his later years, living on only milk, bread, honey, and vegetable juices. | ||
| What about bird feed? | ||
| No bird feed. | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| That's for his pigeon. | ||
| He loves one. | ||
| He bought injured pigeons back to his hotel room to nurse back to health. | ||
| So he's basically kind of a crazy guy. | ||
| He lived in a hotel. | ||
| He really couldn't, like, take care of himself. | ||
| He was just a duddy dude. | ||
| Got some pigeons. | ||
| Made a lot of shit. | ||
| Brian, you're like a pigeon. | ||
| Made a lot of cool shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're a pigeon. | |
| Listen, there's no need to be mean to each other. | ||
| Alright, this podcast, basically over. | ||
| If you love Tommy Buns like I love Tommy Buns and you live in Toronto, tough shit sold out. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Last I checked, there was very little tickets. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A smittering, a handful. | ||
| But it'll be me, Tommy Buns, and Brian Callen Thursday night. | ||
| And I just signed up to do the Comedy and Magic Club. | ||
| Next weekend, the 27th and the 28th. | ||
| Big fun. | ||
| I love Mike. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| The guy owns that place. | ||
| Hermosa Beach, baby. | ||
| And then after that, I'm at the Ontario Improv. | ||
| I got a lot of shit happening, people. | ||
| I'm trying to do a lot of stand-up now. | ||
| I'm really enjoying the shit out of it now that my TV show's done. | ||
| I feel a weight is lifted off my shoulders. | ||
| A breath of fresh air under my wings like a butterfly. | ||
| I'm sore. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Tommy buns. | ||
| Yeah, you can fly now. | ||
| I'm fucking excited. | ||
| That's going to be awesome. | ||
| I'm going to go with Brian next week. | ||
| This band. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| To Columbus, Ohio. | ||
| The number one new gay spot on Earth. | ||
| We're going to do a gay show. | ||
| The bear has landed. | ||
| It's going to be fun. | ||
| We're going to be with Tony Hinchcliffe and Christina. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's going to be a huge show. | ||
| And then Christina and I go do a bunch of like one night. | ||
| Where's your website so they can find the dates? | ||
| TomSegura.com. | ||
| TomSegura.com. | ||
| Going everywhere. | ||
| Nashville, Birmingham, Charlotte, Atlanta. | ||
| All over the world, bitches. | ||
| All over the world. | ||
| Worldwide. | ||
| Um... | ||
| The Tomorrow podcast, Matt Fultron. | ||
| He'll be in tomorrow at the full charge. | ||
| And then Wednesday, Kathleen Madigan. | ||
| And then Thursday, we'll see you Fox North of the Border. | ||
| Alright, we love the shit out of you. | ||
| And we'll see you soon. |
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