Aug. 2, 2013 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:11:08
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hello, freak bitches. | ||
| That's right, we're back. | ||
| Ooh, ah. | ||
| Mixing it up. | ||
| Props to Dom Herrera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, ah. | |
| Whenever you say, ooh, ah. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Got to give props to the Godfather. | ||
| This episode is brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| Onnit is, if you've never heard it before, about it before, a human performance website. | ||
| It's all supplements and strength and conditioning equipment dedicated to human performance, including the new primal bells, the new kettle bells that come in the form of gorillas and chimpanzees. | ||
| This is just the beginning. | ||
| We have a bunch of different designs coming out. | ||
| The new gorilla one just came out, and it's fucking badass. | ||
| It's 72 pounds. | ||
| It's a badass workout. | ||
| It's got a big fat handle on it. | ||
| And if you've never worked out with kettlebells and you buy something like this, let it be a goal. | ||
| Don't have it be your main piece of exercise equipment because if you have never lifted kettlebells before and you don't understand it, 70 pounds is a lot of weight to swing around. | ||
| So... | ||
| I would start with light and do it correctly. | ||
| And if you can, if you can afford to, get a trainer or get someone who knows how to do it to show you the movements. | ||
| Just film it on your phone and then watch it. | ||
| You don't want to hurt yourself. | ||
| So if you're doing anything that is involving strength and conditioning, the main piece of advice that I always give people is learn what you're doing. | ||
| Do it correctly. | ||
| Learn from someone and then pay attention to your form. | ||
| It's the most important thing. | ||
| If you get sloppy, that's when people get hurt. | ||
| And you don't want to get hurt when you're swinging around a 72-pound kettlebell bitch, all right? | ||
| Especially one that looks like a gorilla. | ||
| You'll feel so weak and fleshy already. | ||
| We have all kinds of shit. | ||
| Battle ropes, maces, and club bells, and there's a fantastic series of strength and conditioning DVDs, especially the ones that I can recommend. | ||
| The Extreme Kettle... | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| Extreme... | ||
| Extreme. | ||
| Do I know how to talk? | ||
| Extreme Kettlebell Cardio Workout DVD 1 and 2. There are these fucking incredible workouts by this maniac named Keith Weber. | ||
| This guy's a nut. | ||
| He's on the beach doing this workout that literally makes you want to just stop breathing. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It'll kick your ass with a 45-pounder, or a 35-pounder even. | ||
| He uses a 45-pounder, though, in the video. | ||
| Fantastic shit. | ||
| Go to Onnit.com. | ||
| Any of the supplements, if you use the code name ROGAN, you save 10% off... | ||
| Any of the groovy shit. | ||
| Any of the supplements. | ||
| Rogan, use the code. | ||
| We're also brought to you by deskwad.tv. | ||
| If you don't know what deskwad.tv is, that's where little Brian Redman has his cute little t-shirts for sale. | ||
| Including deskwad t-shirt number three, which you can pre-order today. | ||
| I like it the best. | ||
| It's the coolest one. | ||
| The last two, though, they're definitely getting more complex and weird. | ||
| And this is a weird fucking shirt that Brian makes. | ||
| Also, he has a podcast network, Death Squad Podcast Network, that has... | ||
| My pal Tony Hinchcliffe was here! | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Hello! | ||
| He's on Kill Tony, is that podcast, along with Kevin Pereira's amazing podcast, Pointless, and a couple other podcasts that Brian does, but you can catch them all and all the information on DeathSquad.tv, including the pre-sale order of those t-shirts. | ||
| My t-shirts, higherprimate.com, are restocked. | ||
| So go to higherprimate.com, get yourself some psychedelic chimpanzee shirts. | ||
| Everybody wants one. | ||
| And Tony motherfucking Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Don't you have something going on, dude? | ||
| Yeah, right there. | ||
| That's you. | ||
| Merch. | ||
| Is that TonyHinchcliffe.com? | ||
| Yeah, that is. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| You sexy bitch. | ||
| Look at you staring down the camera with confidence. | ||
| You're not trying to be wacky. | ||
| You're just dangerous. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| You're radical. | ||
| What is your shirt? | ||
| What are you selling? | ||
| It's a new Equation t-shirt. | ||
| It's my first t-shirt. | ||
| And I got together with a designer and gave him some wild notes about different things about me. | ||
| And he had this idea to make it look like a chalkboard. | ||
| And it's really cool. | ||
| And they're selling. | ||
| And it's exciting. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| Dude, get me one of those. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Will do. | ||
| What size? | ||
| XL. You got it. | ||
| Or large if you think I'm sexy. | ||
| If you want it to be tight, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Probably be a good one to go tight with. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| Girls would be like, is that the Hinchcliffe equation? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, the way he stares down the camera and his website, he just gets so wet. | |
| He's so gangster. | ||
| Look at how he looks at you. | ||
| He gives zero fucks. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's just so confident. | ||
| And that's on the back between the shoulders, so anybody that's behind you sees me looking right at him. | ||
| So that's... | ||
| For those paying attention, deathsquad.tv, higherprimate.com, TonyHinchcliffe.com, boom, shallock, lock, boom. | ||
| All right, Brian, cue the music. | ||
| Let's get this party rolling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Sweet baby Jesus. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe is in the house today. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe, how's your life? | ||
| Great, man. | ||
| Having fun and kicking butt. | ||
| Kicking butt? | ||
| I hardly believe people when they say kicking butt. | ||
| You say I'm kicking ass, I'll take you seriously. | ||
| You say kicking butt, I'm like, what are you doing? | ||
| Partying with old ladies, beating them at things? | ||
| How are you kicking butt? | ||
| Just staying busy. | ||
| It's my favorite thing to do, is just stay busy. | ||
| What about kicking butt? | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to rephrase it. | ||
| I've been kicking ass. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| I appreciate that. | ||
| I appreciate also all the people that have sent comments, pro and negative, about the new sci-fi TV show. | ||
| I appreciate all your input. | ||
| I think this is a rare time where people get to give input about things they see online, whether it's a stand-up comedy show or a... | ||
| It's important that people get to talk about stuff and tell me what sucks. | ||
| I want to know. | ||
| It's not perfect. | ||
| No shows are perfect, man. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| It's hard to do a television show that's perfect. | ||
| It's also hard to do a television show like this where you're squeezing hours of information and hours of conversations into like 40 plus minutes. | ||
| But one of the things that I've found is that people are so fucking attached to the shit they believe. | ||
| They're so attached. | ||
| And the big one that people are mad at me now is chemtrails. | ||
| Because we had an episode that kind of debunked chemtrails. | ||
| And it didn't debunk all chemtrails. | ||
| This is what people need to understand. | ||
| And this is really important. | ||
| First of all, I don't work for the government. | ||
| But if I did work for the government, I probably wouldn't tell you. | ||
| But I don't. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I'm a fucking... | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I'm a pot-smoking fucking cage-fighting commentator. | ||
| I'm not working for the government. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Don't be silly. | ||
| You would be the perfect person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Perfect shill. | |
| The perfect shill. | ||
| What people are seeing, for the most part, when you see these contrails, these trails behind jets that become artificial clouds... | ||
| The way it's been explained to me by not just one but numerous scientists is that when jet engines pass through various levels of condensation, it creates different effects. | ||
| And if a jet engine passes through Sky that has enough condensation, it will literally change the temperature of the sky, stir it up, and create a cloud. | ||
| And it's a lingering cloud behind the jet. | ||
| And if you're looking at it, it looks like someone's spraying artificial clouds. | ||
| And you get this feeling like, oh my god, they're spraying clouds. | ||
| I saw them, and I saw some of the documentaries on them, and there was a Quite a bit of time before I was looking at it. | ||
| I was like, it doesn't make sense. | ||
| But is it possible that they're really spraying artificial clouds out of all these planes? | ||
| And then you talk to people that tell you that these are military planes and this is a constant geothermal engineering exercise. | ||
| But then when you find out that it is possible to put a jet engine through various levels of condensation and create these clouds, like scientifically proven, 100%. | ||
| You've got to go, okay, well that's 100%. | ||
| If that's 100%, is there a way to tell when they're going to leave contrails and when they're not? | ||
| Turns out there is. | ||
| There's a NASA website. | ||
| You go to the NASA website, it shows you where there's condensation, where there will be contrails, and it's for pilots so they can see better. | ||
| It's for people that are trying to observe the sky. | ||
| There's a bunch of reasons why they monitor this shit. | ||
| They know when contrails are going to exist and when they're not. | ||
| In 1942, the government was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on, because they first started having planes involved in World War II, and they put out a paper on what they called persistent condensation trails, and that is these lines that were behind these planes, and their conclusion was that it's a natural part of what happens to the atmosphere when a plane flies by, and that sometimes they last and sometimes they don't, based on how much moisture is in the atmosphere. | ||
| 1942 they did this. | ||
| So this is something that has been scientifically able to be explained for a long time. | ||
| That said, now this is where everybody gets crazy. | ||
| I'm sure the government, or let's just say people that are evil. | ||
| Let's not just say the government, because it's probably not even the government now. | ||
| It's probably the government of the past, which you can't blame the people now. | ||
| You can blame them on a lot of shit, but you can't blame them for shit that happened in the 50s. | ||
| For sure, people have sprayed things out of planes. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It's definitely happened. | ||
| For sure, you're dealing with a power structure that values money over certain aspects of humanity. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But we've got to be honest. | ||
| About what's happening and what's not happening. | ||
| Southwest is not spraying artificial clouds. | ||
| They're accidentally making them in a natural byproduct of a jet engine passing through condensation. | ||
| But it doesn't mean that people haven't done evil shit in the past. | ||
| It just means that's what that is. | ||
| And people are getting so fucking mad at me on Twitter and calling me a shill and a government agent and thinking that somehow or another I'm changing the truth because I want to protect myself or something. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| I think people are looking for a reason, something to blame the lack of health and feeling good on. | ||
| And I think that they do that and then they blame it on the chemtrails and they roll into McDonald's and eat five Big Macs and wonder why they're feeling shitty. | ||
| They think there's spring. | ||
| Stuffed down on them. | ||
| Have you ever seen the video with Prince sitting with Dick Gregory? | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| Prince talks about chemtrails. | ||
| Prince is talking about chemtrails in the hood. | ||
| Prince, one of the baddest rock and rollers of all time. | ||
| And he's talking about chemtrails. | ||
| In the hood when he was growing up. | ||
| It sounds like he's singing a song. | ||
| It's almost lyrical, the way he looks at it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sometimes it snows in April. | |
| I thought it was purple rain. | ||
| The video is really quite fascinating. | ||
| Did you find it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay, play this bitch. | ||
| Like Jack? | ||
| Tell me why. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, because I knew I was right. | |
| You know, we talked about this in our very first interview and conversation together. | ||
| It's obvious now that artists are supposed to own their master recordings. | ||
| Okay, this isn't the part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a part where he talks about chemtrails. | |
| Oh, it says Prince Dick Gregory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You started to see a whole bunch of phenomena of chemtrails. | |
| Okay. | ||
| You know, when I was a kid, I used to see these trails in the sky all the time. | ||
| And he said, oh, that's cool. | ||
| A jet just went over. | ||
| And then you started to see a whole bunch of them. | ||
| And next thing you know, everybody in your neighborhood was fighting and arguing, and you didn't know why. | ||
| And you really didn't know why. | ||
| I mean, everybody was fighting. | ||
| So he started riffing about the chemtrails. | ||
| And he started to say things that hit home so hard. | ||
| And I would recommend that everybody try to get what he said online or wherever and try to get a copy of it and just listen to it. | ||
| Because I was so moved that I had to write this song. | ||
| He wrote a song about chemtrails. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
When you leave. | |
| With all the hassle. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| That's just a different video. | ||
| That's actually Dick Gregory. | ||
| That's the guy who brought the Zapruder film to the Geraldo Rivera show, Dick Gregory, the older guy. | ||
| He was a stand-up comedian, like an activist, and he brought this Zapruder film to a Geraldo Rivera show and showed it on television, President Kennedy getting shot for the first time. | ||
| It was actually in the 1970s, long after his death. | ||
| He died in 63. They showed it on TV, I think in like 72 or something like that. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| 72, 73. Might have been even later than that. | ||
| Yeah, they showed the actual gunshot to the head on national television. | ||
| They even showed a close-up on it. | ||
| And Geraldo Rivera was the conspiracy theorist back then. | ||
| Geraldo Rivera, who now works for Fox News, back then he was saying the shot clearly comes from the front as you see his head snap back into the left. | ||
| Like, wow. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| It is tough to argue that. | ||
| I'd love to see that broken down. | ||
| How do you explain his head going from front to back? | ||
| But how crazy is Prince on chemtrails? | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You listen to that and you're like, wow. | |
| And all of a sudden everyone's fighting and I couldn't figure out why. | ||
| When I was a kid there was only a few airplanes and then as the airplane business got bigger there was more airplanes in the sky. | ||
| Well, what he's saying actually kind of flies in the face of the traditional chemtrail theorists. | ||
| They believe that these long lines in the sky didn't exist in the past and that they're fairly recent. | ||
| But there's like photos from like the 80s and shit people took where there's these lines in the sky that look like artificial clouds. | ||
| And it's just part of the process of flying a jet. | ||
| I mean, it does create a cloud, though. | ||
| And people are like, these clouds are blanking up the sky. | ||
| It was really clear until they flew by. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| It does happen. | ||
| That is real. | ||
| Yeah, and it goes along with what you're saying about the planes making it because planes have gotten bigger and bigger as the years have gone on. | ||
| They didn't always have a 747 or 757, you know. | ||
| So as these are getting bigger, of course, the chemtrails will be, too, it seems, at least. | ||
| Well, there's, you know, the other thing that's real is that it changes the temperature of the Earth. | ||
| That is a fact. | ||
| In fact, the temperature changed quite a bit after 9-11. | ||
| Do you remember what it was like when 9-11 happened and then all of a sudden no one was flying for like two weeks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it changed the temperature of the Earth. | ||
| Forget if it heated it up or cooled it down. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Temperature changed 9-1-1. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's see. | |
| I would say cooled down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What would you say? | |
| Yeah, I would say that. | ||
| Yeah, I think so too. | ||
| Opposite reaction, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Okay, let's see. | ||
| Temperature change after 9-1-1. | ||
| Air traffic affects the climate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, let's see this. | ||
| Oh yeah, and it seems like the... | ||
| I know the purity of the air definitely changes temperatures. | ||
| During... | ||
| And then everybody's tears. | ||
| It even says it in here. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| During the three-day commercial flight hiatus when artificial clouds known as contrails all but disappeared. | ||
| So they're like admitting on CNN that these planes create artificial clouds. | ||
| Like no one's tried to hide it. | ||
| This isn't like some crazy conspiracy that people are wondering about. | ||
| But artificial clouds known as contrails all but disappeared. | ||
| The variations in high and low temperatures increased. | ||
| By 1.1 degrees. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Each day, said meteorological researchers. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I don't know if that means anything, though. | ||
| It's so hard to tell. | ||
| Because the temperature fluctuates by more than a degree every day anyway. | ||
| And if it goes up... | ||
| I mean, I'm an idiot, but I'm reading this and I'm going, are you sure? | ||
| Anyway, the point is, even in this CNN paper from 2002, it says artificial clouds known as contrails. | ||
| But people are looking at them and they think it's something that didn't happen before. | ||
| They're like, oh, these weren't there before. | ||
| It doesn't mean that people haven't sprayed shit out of planes. | ||
| But what it does mean is that what you're seeing is not what you think is happening most of the time. | ||
| When you see this spray, what you're seeing is a fucking cloud. | ||
| That's what happens when it goes through the jet. | ||
| But if it was a spray, it wouldn't look like that. | ||
| If it was aluminum and barium, which is like what they're claiming the government for some reason is spraying in the sky, it would be more like smoke signals or like those things behind a plane, a smoke rider. | ||
| It would linger in the sky. | ||
| But those are heavy metals. | ||
| Those are particles, even if they're nanoparticles. | ||
| They're going to fall. | ||
| They weigh something. | ||
| It's not going to be like moisture in the air, which just lingers like a cloud. | ||
| We know about clouds. | ||
| We don't know about shit that sits up in the clouds, but it's actually aluminum and just floats up there. | ||
| That's not even possible. | ||
| It would fall. | ||
| It would fall out of the sky. | ||
| It's not the same thing. | ||
| So I understand people's mistrust of the government. | ||
| I understand that people are... | ||
| But you can't... | ||
| When something's explainable, you've got to explain it. | ||
| And it doesn't remove all the other possibilities of nefarious doings. | ||
| But it does explain one thing that people are trying to point in the wrong direction. | ||
| And the problem is, if you point in that direction, and then people can prove that that's not what's going on, but you won't let it go, then they're not going to listen to you when it comes to other shit either. | ||
| They're going to think, oh, you're that guy that believes shit that's kind of wacky. | ||
| And this is one of those things. | ||
| It's a tricky one, man. | ||
| It's really tricky. | ||
| Because it looks like they're fucking spraying artificial clouds. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And in effect, they are making artificial clouds. | ||
| That is a fact. | ||
| The guy in the show, though, one of the craziest moments was that he had this test that he did, this water test, and he showed that there's aluminum in the water. | ||
| But you look at the test results from the lab, and it says sludge. | ||
| And I go, well, so it's got dirt in it. | ||
| No, no, it's just water. | ||
| But it says sludge. | ||
| The test results say sludge. | ||
| And all sludge has aluminum in it because all dirt has aluminum in it. | ||
| So it's not testing water for aluminum that fell from the sky. | ||
| You're testing water for having dirt in it, which always has aluminum in it. | ||
| That was a good owning, by the way. | ||
| I didn't want to own them. | ||
| I wish these guys had approached some of these things with a little bit more of an open mind. | ||
| And not just go one way or the other. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's one of the things we're seeing over and over again on this show. | ||
| So people just, they get an idea in their head and they just fucking run with it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I thought that little town or whatever city, the sound... | ||
| I thought that was one of the most interesting things about the episode from yesterday. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But did you even figure out if it was coming from that island? | ||
| No one can tell. | ||
| No one can tell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you hear it? | |
| No, I didn't hear it. | ||
| The people that experienced it, they said it was really bad a couple of years ago. | ||
| It got better, but occasionally it still happens. | ||
| It's like this weird hum that's in this town, and no one knows what the hell's causing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah, it's like... | ||
| Like, lost. | ||
| Like, it rattles your windows and stuff, and it's in this area of Canada called Windsor, Ontario. | ||
| It's, like, well-documented. | ||
| There's terabytes of this hum online. | ||
| Nobody can figure out what the hell it is. | ||
| And some people believe there's a lot of, like, crazy conspiracies, one of them being that it's a Harp Repeater Station. | ||
| HARP is this gigantic antenna array that's in Alaska. | ||
| They send radio signals up into the ionosphere. | ||
| But, you know, who knows what the hell it is. | ||
| There's another thing to take into consideration that nobody was willing to consider, but it is possible. | ||
| That they dig under the ground around there for salt, you know, and they're salt mining. | ||
| And they say it wasn't happening while the sound was going on, but, you know, I don't know. | ||
| How the fuck do you know? | ||
| It's a weird thing though. | ||
| It's all these people experience it. | ||
| It's not just like a couple of cuckoo heads see dragons. | ||
| There's like a lot of people and they record it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, it's pretty freaky. | ||
| That one guy said he had 7 terabytes though. | ||
| I wish you would have challenged him on that. | ||
| No, no, he does. | ||
| That's a lot of audio. | ||
| Oh, he does. | ||
| He records that shit for like the entire night. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, he'll set it up. | ||
| He has like a recorder and he'll set an mp3 recorder up and tape through the night. | ||
| Yeah, I really believe him. | ||
| Because he's been following this and being an activist on this shit for... | ||
| Can you imagine if you lived there, man, and all of a sudden your fucking windows are rattling in the middle of the night? | ||
| Yeah, I would move. | ||
| Well, they don't have any money. | ||
| I would move too if you had some money, but if you don't have any money, man, oh shit, and you're stuck there and you can't go to sleep, and then you have to get to go to work in the morning and you're fucking exhausted because your house has been humming... | ||
| Windsor's a pretty interesting town because that's where everybody from Ohio and Michigan goes to get drunk when they're 18 because you can drink there before you're 21. Oh, really? | ||
| And gamble. | ||
| Jamie, have you been there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| So it's like you go there and you fast forward three years of your life and you can do anything you want at 18 if you just go over a bridge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Detroit is fucking crazy, man. | ||
| If you've never been to Detroit before, I recommend going just to see the $39 houses. | ||
| There's houses for sale for $39, dude. | ||
| You could buy a house for $39. | ||
| They told us we could buy a house for $500, and I thought they were fucking crazy. | ||
| And then someone from the Rogan board found a house for $39. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Dude, they just went bankrupt. | ||
| The entire city went bankrupt. | ||
| It almost seems like it's an Apple stock at the very beginning. | ||
| We should buy all these $39 houses while they're this low. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| It might not come back in your lifetime. | ||
| What we're seeing might be when people find the ruins of ancient cities in the past. | ||
| Sometimes cities just go so far down they never come back. | ||
| Sometimes cities stick around forever. | ||
| Like Rome, you could drive by the fucking Colosseum today. | ||
| Somehow or another they managed to keep some form of a society around in that area for all these years. | ||
| It changed. | ||
| It morphed. | ||
| But there's still people there. | ||
| There's still a society. | ||
| But fucking Detroit is close. | ||
| It's close, man. | ||
| It's 47% illiteracy rate. | ||
| 47%? | ||
| 47% illiteracy rate. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| I mean, it is one of the craziest places in the world, and it's in America. | ||
| It's a place that used to thrive. | ||
| Think about the 50s and the 60s, like the roaring times for the auto industry. | ||
| They're making fucking 69 Chevys, and everybody's making money, and there's union workers, and everyone's getting paid well. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, somewhere along the line... | ||
| GM's like, we're out of here, dog. | ||
| We're gonna take our shit to Mexico. | ||
| We're gonna make cars in China. | ||
| You guys cost too much money. | ||
| We're tired of this shit. | ||
| And they pull out, and it's catastrophic. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, you seen Roger and me? | ||
| The Michael Moore? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Yeah, it's all about that. | ||
| It's all about Flint, Michigan. | ||
| It's all about watching these towns implode when the jobs aren't there anymore. | ||
| The jobs literally pull out of the community and poof, that's it. | ||
| They're gone. | ||
| And then everybody's like, oh my god, how do I eat? | ||
| And then it's fucking crazy. | ||
| That's going on right now. | ||
| The city where I'm from? | ||
| Just got ranked. | ||
| There was an article I tweeted. | ||
| It's the number one most dilapidated city or something like that. | ||
| And it used to be the number one steel-producing city for the entire world. | ||
| And they built it there because it was so cloudy that back in the day satellites couldn't see through clouds. | ||
| So they built it all in Youngstown, Ohio, which has the weird lake effect. | ||
| So there's always clouds over where I'm from, pretty much. | ||
| And so the whole steel industry was there. | ||
| And then it... | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| I mean, there is nothing there now. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| It's really wild. | ||
| It was a big, big, big steel-producing city and mafia town, and they got rid of the mafia in the 90s and steel in the 70s. | ||
| Super mafia town. | ||
| That's actually... | ||
| Well, my parents were in that business before the update. | ||
| What business were they in? | ||
| They did some shady stuff. | ||
| They did some family things. | ||
| Almost everybody that my parents knew as well, they knew them from being... | ||
| Like my mom, for example, ran numbers, you know, number running, it's like a form of racketeering and illegal lottery. | ||
| So she would be the center person of this entire thing. | ||
| All the people that would call in their numbers would call her. | ||
| And, uh, and that's what just what she did. | ||
| Wow, that's incredible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My grandmother went to jail for numbers running. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, she apparently got caught. | ||
| You know, what she would do was she'd be like the go-between or something. | ||
| She would like move things for, you know, it was like a job, I guess. | ||
| And they arrested her and she didn't want to rat anybody out, so she spent like six months in jail. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't even know about it until I was like in my 20s. | ||
| You know, my mom never told us about it. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting. | ||
| She had no choice but to tell me because when I was a kid, you know how when you're a kid and the phone rings, you try to pick it up? | ||
| Hello? | ||
| Well, people would ask for Gina. | ||
| And my mom's name's Joy. | ||
| So when they're like, hello, is Gina available? | ||
| No, Gina lives here. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| And I remember one day I told my mom, I go, Mom, people keep calling asking for Gina. | ||
| She goes... | ||
| What are you doing with these phone calls? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| You know, because obviously she was missing business. | ||
| I was just being a little kid being helpful. | ||
| No Gina here, sorry. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And so very young I had to realize what she was doing because also she was on the phone a lot and she would be repeating back these numbers to people and there's like all this terminology and stuff like PO and box and all these different things. | ||
| Like, you want that straight or boxed? | ||
| Which means like straight means you're picking three numbers in a row, like four, six, seven. | ||
| And box means you could have 4-6-7, but if it comes out 7-4-6 or 6-4-7 or whatever, you win either way. | ||
| So there's all this terminology. | ||
| So you'd hear her on the phone, 3-3-4, 4-6, because she would repeat back the numbers that they just gave her to confirm. | ||
| So it's like unbelievable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So you grew up in that environment. | ||
| Did you ever see anything dangerous or was it just gambling type stuff? | ||
| Nothing dangerous ever. | ||
| The closest thing that I had a weird feeling about when I was a kid was one time my dad came to visit, because I lived with my mom, so my dad would just come in and visit sometimes. | ||
| And the weirdest thing was he came over one day with a cast on his hand, and I'm like, how'd you break your hand? | ||
| And I remember my mom looking at him weird and him looking at her weird. | ||
| I still don't know exactly what happened with the broken hand, but I don't know. | ||
| It could have been a punishment. | ||
| He could have beat somebody up. | ||
| He owned a restaurant at the time. | ||
| He didn't do... | ||
| And he wasn't the hands-on guy at the restaurant. | ||
| I don't know how he broke his hand. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to have to leave that one to... | ||
| Suspicions. | ||
| It would be nice to... | ||
| At least he didn't make something up to fill in the blank to make the story better. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, exactly. | ||
| Keep it real. | ||
| Yeah, isn't it weird when you really stop and think about how little our parents knew about the world? | ||
| Like, now that we live in this really strange place where we're finding out, like, I mean, you just ask your phone and it'll answer you almost any question you can come up with. | ||
| And just think about growing up and having kids and living your whole life without that. | ||
| And you're like, my god. | ||
| Like, is that even society? | ||
| Was that even civilization? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Our poor fucking parents. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| They were lucky they had phones. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They really were. | ||
| There's apes. | ||
| I know. | ||
| The evolution of everything is crazy. | ||
| I just found out there's a high school district in LA in which all the kids are getting iPads now, so they upload all their information on the iPad, and that's their only book. | ||
| So now they're done with books. | ||
| And think about how many tons of pounds of books we carried on our shoulders as kids for no reason. | ||
| There's generations to come that will never know that feeling. | ||
| They're going to look at... | ||
| Us, like, what do you mean you were carrying books around? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't make any... | ||
| Tons of paper stacked on top. | ||
| What is... | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| I don't get it as they scan through nothingness. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I was thinking about that the other day about how paper and books is just going to be this... | ||
| Well, are you starting to see, like, some of these different phones that are coming out that allow you to answer and scroll and do things without actually touching the phone? | ||
| And that when you look away from the phone, like, it changes the way the phone behaves when you look at it. | ||
| I think the Galaxy S4 does that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think 3 also, where you can just wave your hand over to, like, answer our phone at all. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| The 3 as well? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The 4 does, though. | ||
| There's a lot of, like, weird shits happening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| With, like, the ability to, like, just conjure things up out of the air with your hands and your looks. | ||
| It just doesn't seem like a good idea, because, like, you'll be, like, laying in bed, and, like, phone ringing, and you, like, wave over it, and now you just have a video call, and your dick's just, like, in the kitchen. | ||
| That sounds like a problem for Brian Redman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, exactly. | |
| If you sleep with your dick next to your phone, and you have that. | ||
| If you pull your dick out every time the phone rings, just on instinct. | ||
| Oh, are we doing this? | ||
| Oh, okay, are we doing this? | ||
| Oh, you want to do this? | ||
| Yeah, no, I think that what I was getting at is that it's going to get weirder and weirder, like the human computer, human information interface is going to get weirder and weirder. | ||
| It's the, who knows what the limit is? | ||
| It's going to be like some eye implant or something. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Something. | ||
| That'll see you scrolling through things. | ||
| Because there's going to be a point even where wearing a lens or something is going to be like, oh, look at them. | ||
| That person's still wearing the lens. | ||
| You ain't got no balls to get a fucking operation, buddy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You afraid of a neural implant? | ||
| First they'll do something to your eye, and then they realize, no, you really got to get to the cerebral cortex itself. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it'll be like, you'll be looking at people like they pierce their ears. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Did you get your brain pierced? | ||
| Yeah, just coming right down the factory line at a baby ward, whatever those are called. | ||
| Yeah, Duncan and I were talking about this, and we both agree that there's going to come a time where you're probably not going to use your regular memory anymore. | ||
| That your regular memory will be replaced by some sort of internal digital storage, which can record everything you see in total real-time, HD, right? | ||
| I mean, that's pretty likely to be what we're dealing with in the future. | ||
| And then we're going to swap hard drives and shit, and I'm going to be able to watch 20-inch clip. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| It really is. | ||
| It's gonna be like the Matrix, how they just upload information. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It seems like it's inevitable. | ||
| They've already figured out a way to put artificial memories in a mouse. | ||
| Have you heard of that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they figured out a way to do that to mice. | ||
| They figured out a way to somehow or another install an artificial memory in a mouse. | ||
| And they also figured out how to make a cat's tail move without actually, like, a man with a brain thing on can make a cat's tail move wirelessly somehow or another. | ||
| I need to do that, man. | ||
| That sounds awesome. | ||
| It's fucking nuts. | ||
| I put it up on Twitter. | ||
| If you could find it, it was within the last day or two. | ||
| Maybe Jamie can help you. | ||
| The story is pretty fucking freaky. | ||
| The ability to control another thing. | ||
| I mean, even if it's just a cat with your brain, what the fuck is going to happen in the future? | ||
| People are going to force people to walk into their houses and blow them. | ||
| Having your pet would be a totally different experience. | ||
| That would be like your warrior. | ||
| Like, alright, cat, go in the kitchen and see if there's anybody there. | ||
| Because if you can make the cat tail move in 20 years, you'll be able to control your cat. | ||
| So your animal, your dog, your pit bull or whatever will now be like your weapon or like your hawk. | ||
| As in the old days where you had like a pirate. | ||
| Especially, well you could kind of do that now if you train your dog really well. | ||
| But you might be able to control it with your mind and see through its eyes. | ||
| See through its eyes and feel its poop. | ||
| That's some Game of Thrones shit right there. | ||
| Yeah, that would be crazy. | ||
| And then you imagine if you killed somebody with your dog and then there would be like some crazy legal thing. | ||
| Like it wasn't my idea. | ||
| The dog went fucking crazy, okay? | ||
| I'm trying to control the dog with the brain. | ||
| I'm just not that good at it yet. | ||
| The dog went crazy and killed the burglar, okay? | ||
| I'm not a murderer. | ||
| Or having an eagle. | ||
| Or having some kind of huge bird. | ||
| Or a gorilla. | ||
| You can control animals. | ||
| You can control a few animals to do a few things. | ||
| Have you ever seen those videos of Mongols? | ||
| This is the... | ||
| Harvard creates brain-to-brain interface allowing humans to control other animals with thoughts alone. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| You see the tail? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The tail's hooked up to this thing and they figured out a way to make the tail move wirelessly. | |
| So we can already have a cat's tail answer a Galaxy 3 phone. | ||
| So it seems like it's just a matter of time before you're able to control everything the cat does. | ||
| And then that'll be like version one. | ||
| And then eventually, version 2 will be, you'll be able to see what the cat sees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| That is fucked up. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
| That's what it's turning into. | ||
| Human beings just wanting to be cats and stuff. | ||
| Just because they can't. | ||
| Like the cat's like, hey, where's this? | ||
| Can I be a human? | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's all so crazy. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because you wonder, like, where is this going? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And there's no way to know, or else we would... | ||
| Well, it seems like it is not going to stop. | ||
| It's just going to get more and more invasive, more and more... | ||
| You're going to be able to do all kinds of really strange things within the next few years, or they're going to, someone, whoever has that kind of technology. | ||
| Controlling a fucking cat's tail. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus! | |
| This is awesome. | ||
| Have you ever seen those videos of the Mongols that hunt wolves with eagles? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| Golden eagles might be the most gangster animal on the planet because they do not give two fucks about a wolf. | ||
| And they swoop down and kill a wolf with their talons. | ||
| I showed it to Steve Rinella. | ||
| He's a hunter. | ||
| He's got that show of Meat Eater. | ||
| He's unimpressed. | ||
| He said they were more coyote-looking wolves. | ||
| They weren't the biggest wolves in the world. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which I'll give you that. | ||
| There's still fucking wolves. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Versus a bird. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| You weigh about 140 pounds, Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Could you imagine if you had to kill a 60-pound wolf with your fucking teeth? | ||
| No. | ||
| You have to tackle a wolf and then kill it with your face. | ||
| You know, an eagle weighs 25 pounds, and it does that. | ||
| Swoops in and jacks a fucking wolf with its face. | ||
| Clings onto the back of this thing, attacks it, and takes it out quick. | ||
| Watch this shit. | ||
| Watch this shit. | ||
| You got it? | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| Mongols hunt with eagles. | ||
| It's gonna trip you out, man. | ||
| I watch this once a month. | ||
| And then what? | ||
| The eagle comes back to the Mongol? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Kills the wolf, and then they use the wolf fur. | ||
| They take their furs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They make hats out of them and shit. | ||
| I don't understand why the eagle does that. | ||
| Because they're a gangster. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| Watch this shit. | ||
| This is really trippy, man. | ||
| Look at this fucking bird. | ||
| This agent of death. | ||
| Soaring dinosaur of death. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| BAM, BITCH! Just that wolf knows it's coming too. | ||
| And it fucks him up so quick. | ||
| It just gets those claws around its neck and it's a wrap within seconds. | ||
| Look at that heartless motherfucker. | ||
| Watch this shit. | ||
| The wolves running. | ||
| This poor wolf is like, oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me. | ||
| And this guy just lets this monster loose off of his arm. | ||
| And he knows exactly what to do. | ||
| The wolf is running, and the eagle just comes. | ||
| The wolf is like, oh, fuck my life. | ||
| Fuck my life. | ||
| Look at that thing, man. | ||
| The eagle sung this song. | ||
| I wish the eagle sung this song. | ||
| I love the eagles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Welcome to the hotel, California. | |
| Watch this. | ||
| Bam, bitch! | ||
| It just takes them out within seconds. | ||
| It's incredible how lethal these things are. | ||
| Look at those dudes. | ||
| What a dumb way to dress. | ||
| Silly hats. | ||
| They can train an eagle to kill a wolf, but they're still wearing toilet paper rolls on their heads. | ||
| I guess it's cold as fuck there, though. | ||
| They probably need all that stupid shit on just to stay alive. | ||
| Just think of how much time it must take to train a fucking eagle to kill a wolf. | ||
| How many eagles did you let go and they never came back? | ||
| Right. | ||
| How many eagles did you let go? | ||
| They're like, bitch, I'm not killing that wolf. | ||
| I didn't even know that wolf. | ||
| Fuck you, man. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm flying south. | ||
| It's cold up here. | ||
| I wonder if eagles just can't help themselves, and when something is running, they just go get it. | ||
| You know, I wonder if it's that. | ||
| They're such terrifying animals. | ||
| I saw one the other day in Seattle. | ||
| It's a fucking eagle. | ||
| They have eagles up there. | ||
| And it had something in its hands. | ||
| It won. | ||
| Got something. | ||
| Some sort of a fish or something. | ||
| I've been noticing a lot of parrots lately in Burbank. | ||
| Just mobs of parrots flying over my 20 the other day. | ||
| And they're all green with the red. | ||
| It's like how Florida has pythons loose because people let them go. | ||
| In Burbank, it's parrots. | ||
| I fucking hate my bird. | ||
| Open the window. | ||
| Get out, bitch. | ||
| My friend lives up here in Calabasas. | ||
| He lives on the place where they film True Blood. | ||
| It's this huge mansion type thing. | ||
| But he was talking about the other day how a tarantula somehow was in his... | ||
| He lives on this crazy, humongous thing in the mountains. | ||
| The Santa Monica Mountains. | ||
| And there's all these weird things like lizards and snakes. | ||
| But he had a tarantula in his bedroom the other day. | ||
| And he's like, I don't know how the fuck it got there. | ||
| Yeah, there's tarantulas in California. | ||
| You can get them anywhere in the LA area. | ||
| People that live in the Hollywood Hills. | ||
| You know when they have a problem in the Hollywood Hills? | ||
| Rats. | ||
| Ew, really? | ||
| I see tons in Burbank. | ||
| I know a story, I don't know if it's true, but I'll tell it anyway, about Sylvester Stallone apparently, that someone went to Sylvester Stallone's house, he had a house in the Hollywood Hills, and he had a movie theater, and he told them, he goes, put your feet up when you're watching the movie because we have rats. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Like, they couldn't get rid of the rats. | ||
| Like, the rats were, like, so infested in the hills up there that you would have them, like, running through your house sometimes. | ||
| They run on the power lines outside. | ||
| Like, I'll sit out back and just see rats running. | ||
| And then one time a rat came up and stepped on my foot or something like that. | ||
| Were you barefoot? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I threw my laptop. | ||
| It was, like, the first time I bought a new MacBook. | ||
| And I opened it up for the first time. | ||
| And I'm looking at, like, oh, look how nice and sexy this is. | ||
| Rat, right on foot, throws laptop up in the air, falls down. | ||
| No, it fell down. | ||
| Did it break? | ||
| No, it luckily just landed fine. | ||
| Powerful build quality. | ||
| Powerful iPhone, Apple product pitch. | ||
| Yeah, rats are fucking gross. | ||
| They've carried disgusting diseases too, those fucks. | ||
| The black plague came from rats carrying a tick, I think. | ||
| Or a flea or something like that. | ||
| I think that's what it was, right? | ||
| Something like that? | ||
| I think it was some sort of a parasitic thing that rats were carrying that bugs gave them. | ||
| That's so gross. | ||
| I'm one of those people where if I were to see a rat or a cockroach where I live, I would just move. | ||
| Well, that's one of the realities of living in New York City. | ||
| If you want to live in New York City, you're going to see roaches and you're going to see rats if you're paying attention. | ||
| When I lived in New York, there was one time... | ||
| I never lived in the city. | ||
| I lived in New Rochelle, which is just outside the city, outside of the Bronx, a little suburb, Westchester. | ||
| I parked my car at this gas station, and it was back when there was payphones. | ||
| I didn't have a car phone. | ||
| I had to make a call. | ||
| I had to, like, get out of the car. | ||
| So I'm making a call on this payphone. | ||
| As my car is parked, I'm watching rats jump on top of the tires and climb up into the car. | ||
| I'm watching them. | ||
| And I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| I mean, not one. | ||
| Like, three, four, five. | ||
| They just kept doing it. | ||
| Looking for food. | ||
| Like, the car parked... | ||
| So they jumped on the back tire. | ||
| They run over the top of the tire. | ||
| They run under the car. | ||
| They ran up into the engine compartment. | ||
| And sometimes they just stay in the engine compartment and your fucking fan tears them apart. | ||
| Because their stupid heads are in there. | ||
| And you start the car up and you... | ||
| And fucking you open up the hood and it's just splatter everywhere. | ||
| Because some stupid rat got inside of your fan. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| They look for food everywhere. | ||
| They'll burrow themselves into little tiny holes to try to search for something that might be food. | ||
| That's yonkers. | ||
| Yeah, well, that was in Manhattan. | ||
| It was in New York City. | ||
| I'll never forget it. | ||
| I was just like, what the fuck? | ||
| And then when you find out that there's as many rats in New York City as there are people, there's 7 million people in New York City, so there's 7 million rats in New York City. | ||
| Imagine controlling those rats. | ||
| They really have a hard time. | ||
| I think a lot of them drowned in Sandy. | ||
| I think a lot of those underground layers and shit drowned because Shane Smith did a video once right after Sandy, a video about the possibility of these super storms increasing, and a river of dead rats flowed by him as he was standing there talking. | ||
| It's like, holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ew. | |
| The thing that scared me when I moved here was I lived in Burbank when I first got here and the Black Widows. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| First, it's like almost a normal spider until you really look at that belly and you see that red diamond thing. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's the part where you're just like, this fucking thing. | ||
| And it's interesting how nature sort of warns you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've read things about how snakes, if you see red, yellow, black... | ||
| And that spider, that red diamond, I mean, if you look at it, it really, it's like a warning sign. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, you're totally right. | ||
| It's incredible how nature does that stuff. | ||
| You know what else I saw recently? | ||
| Is a thing about how butterflies, if you look at butterflies that are around area where snakes are, when their wings are up and they're just chilling, most of them look like snakes. | ||
| Like, if you look up a butterfly snake, I mean, it's unbelievable. | ||
| Wow, that makes sense. | ||
| So then any intruder that comes by is like, oh shit, a snake, instead of, ah, look at this pussy butterfly I'm about to eat. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| It's really incredible. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird when you see animals that figure out how to mimic their environment. | ||
| Have you ever seen octopus or octupi that change their shape and their look to look exactly like their environment? | ||
| Wow, look at these crazy looking butterflies. | ||
| That totally looks like a snake! | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's incredible! | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| And that's what they do. | ||
| That's amazing! | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Folks, if you're not... | ||
| Obviously, you don't watch. | ||
| Most people are listening. | ||
| What is the Google that you Google? | ||
| Butterfly snake. | ||
| Butterfly snake. | ||
| There's one that looks like these two fucking... | ||
| Actually, several that look like it. | ||
| But they look like these two serpent heads right next to each other. | ||
| I mean, exactly. | ||
| The underside, it's all... | ||
| It looks... | ||
| That corner one? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| And now that you've seen this, by the way, you'll notice that in actually a lot of butterflies. | ||
| It's not necessarily a rare thing at all. | ||
| I'm pretty sure if they ever see a snake, they're pretty much like, well, that's what I want to be. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That is really amazing. | ||
| It looks just like it. | ||
| Now, look up octopus camouflage. | ||
| Octopus camouflage is really weird, man. | ||
| Because they also think that they don't just... | ||
| It looks like a snake. | ||
| We're looking at the tip of the butterfly's wing that looks like a snake. | ||
| I mean, it has an eyeball, and it even has a nose. | ||
| It has a mouth. | ||
| I mean, it's a beautiful tattoo of a snake. | ||
| Yeah, and it's the softest, most precious, easy-to-kill animal in the world. | ||
| A butterfly, of all the things. | ||
| Yeah, they're like man of mush. | ||
| I mean, they're softer than a fly. | ||
| They're a butterfly. | ||
| They're like a tissue fly. | ||
| Octopus or octupi can blend in with their surroundings and they also think that they use their ability to change shape on the outside, the camouflage look. | ||
| They think they use that also to communicate. | ||
| That it's not just... | ||
| That is amazing. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| We're looking at this octopus that's completely blended in with this white floor. | ||
| And there's also been ones that have eaten sharks. | ||
| They had a problem at this aquarium. | ||
| Where their shark started missing, and they would find, like, shark carcasses. | ||
| So they're like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| What's eating a shark? | ||
| And so they watched this video. | ||
| They set up a camera. | ||
| See, there's a video of it, Brian. | ||
| See if you can watch it, if you can find it. | ||
| But they do it on a regular basis. | ||
| Like, apparently octopus are smart as fuck, or octupi. | ||
| And they set up this camera and they watch this octopus just sit there completely camouflaged and as this shark flies by... | ||
|
unidentified
|
But when the keepers here decided to move one into a larger tank with sharks and other big fish, they assumed that the octopus's strength and camouflage would keep it safe. | |
| As it turned out, they were tragically mistaken. | ||
| Watch this shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shark's got a gun! | |
| It's Sharknado. | ||
| so you see this thing swimming watch this shit Like, the shark has no idea the octopus is there. | ||
| That is an evil-looking motherfucker. | ||
| White eyes? | ||
| White eyes completely camouflaged with its environment, just waiting for that motherfucker to get close. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, bitch, I got you! | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's so badass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's incredible. | |
| And you know, they have like teeth, like little beaks on the end of their suction cups. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's like sharp, like little cat balls. | |
| Yeah, they found giant ones in a fossil and that they believe it could possibly be evidence for a kraken. | ||
| The idea of a kraken is like an ancient mythology idea of a giant octopus that would take out ships and kill people. | ||
| And they always thought it was just mythology and horseshit. | ||
| And so they recently found these giant fucking suction cups and fossils. | ||
| And then they realized, oh yeah, if octopuses die, they don't live behind anything. | ||
| It's not like... | ||
| They're not like a person leaves behind a skull. | ||
| The octopus, they're mollusks. | ||
| They're this just movable, you know, sort of weird, flexible material. | ||
| And all they have is like a beak and that gets eaten by things like really quickly. | ||
| So if they die, like you don't find shit. | ||
| But somehow or another, someone died and the imprint of its suction cups left a mark on the floor and they're enormous. | ||
| And so in looking at these, they're like, oh my god, like this was... | ||
| A massive octopus. | ||
| Like something that was just impossibly large. | ||
| Oh wow, look at this. | ||
| The octopus got this cat's face. | ||
| The cat got gangster, and the octopus locked on its face, and it's fucking this cat up. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Oh my god, it's like alien. | ||
| Like an alien facehugger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's an octopus. | |
| Is that a vine? | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| It's a gif. | ||
| A gif. | ||
| A gif. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, Cat, you think you're clever? | ||
| Octopuses are so smart. | ||
| They've had videos that they've taken of them on security cameras where they climb out of a fish tank and go across the floor and climb into another fish tank and then eat the fish. | ||
| And then climb back. | ||
| Like, the guy was missing, like, these expensive fish in his fish tank. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| So he set up his camera to look at his fish tank, and he watched his octopus climb out of his fucking fish tank, walk across the floor, climb up the other fish stand, the tank stand, climb into the tank, lift the lid off of it, jack a fish, kill it, walk across the street, hop back into his tank, and go to sleep. | ||
| I mean, Jesus Christ. | ||
| What the fuck are those things? | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| What are those things? | ||
| Have you seen this? | ||
| What is this, a bear? | ||
| A bear getting into a dumpster behind a restaurant. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| It's walking up to the back of the restaurant and there's this big humongous green dumpster, you know, full of old meats and stuff like that probably. | ||
| Smart ass bear goes around the side of it. | ||
| Let me see if I can fast forward. | ||
| Where did this take place? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| But he starts going through it and then he does something amazing coming up right here. | ||
| He's taking the whole entire dumpster and walking with it. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And if you keep on going, he actually starts pulling it around the corner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's just walking away with a dumpster. | |
| That is incredible! | ||
| And that's like a humongous dumpster. | ||
| That's like a double-wide dumpster. | ||
| Bears are so smart. | ||
| And then he comes back for the other one. | ||
| Or so strong, I should say. | ||
| Then he comes back for the other one. | ||
| Where does it say this is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's see. | |
| It doesn't say. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| Oh, Denver. | ||
| Denver. | ||
| That totally makes sense. | ||
| You know, what's interesting is that they have a real problem when bears find out they can do that. | ||
| They always come back. | ||
| Like, once a bear eats your garbage, you gotta call somebody. | ||
| You got a real problem. | ||
| They either have to shoot it or they have to figure out a way to put it in a zoo or do something. | ||
| Once it knows it can eat your garbage. | ||
| It just keeps eating your garbage. | ||
| So if you live in a community that has bears and you have that asshole neighbor that leaves pizza boxes and his fucking garbage is sitting out there and a bear finds out about it, you're fucksville. | ||
| I'm so glad I don't live near big animals. | ||
| When I was in Texas, they... | ||
| Introduced me to the goats and these fucking things are crazy. | ||
| These little goats that I thought were all cute and just like adorable are headbutting each other at full. | ||
| They're like, come on, Tony, get on in there. | ||
| Go to the house of these goats. | ||
| Get on in there. | ||
| And I am just, I'm just not the guy to be in there with goats. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, oh, look at the little L.A. pussy boy with the goats. | |
| Look how scared he is. | ||
| Guilty as charged. | ||
| These things are animals. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| Who wants to have a fist fight with a house cat? | ||
| Do you want to have a fist fight with a house cat? | ||
| No. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| I'm a lot bigger than a house cat, but I wouldn't want to fuck with one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That cat was jumping off the furniture, trying to claw your eyes out. | ||
| Yeah, it gets scary. | ||
| Animals are just so different than people. | ||
| You don't want to fuck with one. | ||
| Even a little goat. | ||
| I got home late the other night. | ||
| Even little Twixie scared me. | ||
| You know, Brian's old dog, little white, perfect little baby. | ||
| But I came home late. | ||
| It's all dark in my living room. | ||
| And I see something on the couch, like, looking at me. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck is that? | ||
| Because normally Twixie's blocked probably about a 9.9. | ||
| But normally she's blocked off upstairs and stays up there throughout the night. | ||
| So this thing was on the couch and I could see it just standing out. | ||
| I got really concerned. | ||
| I'm like, what kind of fucking animal? | ||
| I know that's an animal looking at me. | ||
| I flip on the light and it's the cutest dog in the world. | ||
| But I was really scared. | ||
| I'm like, what kind of white? | ||
| Is that like an albino raccoon that somehow climbed through a window? | ||
| My brain just started flying. | ||
| Well, somebody left their door open. | ||
| It was a photo that was taken. | ||
| Where was that? | ||
| Was that you, Jamie? | ||
| Did you find that? | ||
| There's a photo taken of a coyote that was in someone's house. | ||
| No, somebody showed it to me in an email. | ||
| A coyote snuck into someone's house. | ||
| I think it was in Boulder. | ||
| And just was like in their house. | ||
| So they open up the front door and they see a coyote sitting in their house. | ||
| And they're like, oh Jesus Christ. | ||
| How do you get this fucking thing out? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Did you see the mountain lion that was in the guy's garage? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, look up mountain lion and garage in Colorado. | ||
| These guys had like a confrontation with the mountain lion. | ||
| The mountain lion like ran right past this guy and into a corner. | ||
| And the guy like goes into the corner trying to chase the mountain lion out. | ||
| And the mountain lion runs past him again. | ||
| And you watch this and you're going, what the fuck? | ||
| All these things are happening in Colorado. | ||
| They just legalized pot. | ||
| It sounds like the last thing you'd want after getting really stoned. | ||
| I'm going to go to the garage, grab a soda. | ||
| I'm high as fuck. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Yeah, this is exactly it. | ||
| So these guys, they saw the cat. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look. | ||
| And they're yelling at it like, oh Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Got the GoPro. | |
| They're going after it, and then look, he steps in there. | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
| It's in the back, yeah, and it's going to run past him. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And he kicked it as it ran past him. | ||
| That is nuts, man. | ||
| Look at that thing go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Man, they weren't scared of that shit at all. | ||
| Yeah, those are hunters. | ||
| They were all wearing camo. | ||
| Do you see that? | ||
| They're hunters, probably. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But still, you should be scared. | ||
| If that thing decides to jump you, you got problems with mine. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| You got problems. | ||
| I don't get that leverage. | ||
| You can't choke out a mountain lion quite as easily as you can a human. | ||
| The thing about mountain lions, though, is there's so much food in Colorado. | ||
| There's so many animals for them to eat. | ||
| So many rabbits and deer. | ||
| There's so much for them to jack. | ||
| They don't really care. | ||
| You could just probably have a spray bottle with those guys. | ||
| Just sit back and chill. | ||
| Come on, puppy. | ||
| Come here, puppy. | ||
| Come here, sweetie. | ||
| Did you see the clip of Steve Harvey bringing up marijuana on Family Feud? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Well, it's pretty funny. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right, guys. | |
| Here we go. | ||
| We've got the top six answers on the board. | ||
| Name something that gets passed around. | ||
| Chris. | ||
| A joint. | ||
| A joint? | ||
| Look at Steve Harvey's impression. | ||
| He pulls his arm off of him. | ||
| Oh, I am so wacky, the man says. | ||
| I've seen this before. | ||
| Have you? | ||
| Yeah, let's see what he says, though. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can I leave? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, Chris, I don't know what hundred people you thought we were talking to at some... | ||
| Nice little mall across good old America. | ||
| But I'm pretty sure that people didn't tell the survey people, hey, an illegal drug. | ||
| Let's turn around and see how many weed heads are out there with Chris. | ||
| A joint! | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| He can't believe it. | ||
| He was talking shit against it. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But this is the best part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The woman's reaction. | |
| Dang. | ||
| This is when you know we're going to hell. | ||
| Why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, it's weird? | |
| Okay, Tracy. | ||
| Only four answers topic, so... | ||
| The collection played at church. | ||
| He clapped because he felt bad about saying a joint. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's got the halo and I got the horns. | |
| I like the way you tried to stop us from going to hell. | ||
| You, Mr. You, evil boy, passing around the little thing with this funny smell. | ||
| Looking for some saving here! | ||
| Church place! | ||
| Less than weed. | ||
| Less than weed. | ||
| That's decorated. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's less than the joint. | |
| This is not good. | ||
| I'm just gonna... | ||
| You just go over there. | ||
| They're gonna play this. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's hilarious though, right? | ||
| That is pretty funny. | ||
| I think my mom showed me that. | ||
| You know, if you said a beer, you know, no one would give a shit, you know? | ||
| But you say a joint, like, oh my goodness. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| We're such children. | ||
| It's so bizarre. | ||
| Such children. | ||
| And comparing it to hell, even. | ||
| Well, he's a real, like, hardcore Christian, that guy. | ||
| His audience is very, very Christian. | ||
| He does, like, these big stadium church shows. | ||
| You ever seen those? | ||
| Is he one of those guys that makes women in wheelchairs walk? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| He just does stand-up comedy in these big church shows. | ||
| He has a radio show. | ||
| He does a lot of different shit, that guy. | ||
| I admire his hustle. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| He's got a lot of things going on. | ||
| He's got his own radio show. | ||
| He does that show. | ||
| He does stand-up. | ||
| He does these big church stand-up shows. | ||
| It's not my style. | ||
| It's not my kind of comedy, but I admire the dude's hustle. | ||
| I enjoy when people hustle. | ||
| What are you guys laughing at? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Jam Band just showed me this video. | ||
| It's one of the most fucked up. | ||
| You know Kevin Rose of Dig? | ||
| Oh, with the raccoon? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Let's show that. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Kevin Rose found a raccoon attacking his dog. | ||
| He grabbed it and threw it off. | ||
| Kevin Rose, like, he founded what? | ||
| He found Dig. | ||
| He was on the screensavers, you know, on G4 and stuff. | ||
| See, it says, at 1 a.m., I heard my dog, Toaster, crying and yelping in pain. | ||
| I discovered a raccoon attacking him. | ||
| I do not encourage animal violence. | ||
| I wanted to get the wild animal as far away from us as possible. | ||
| Toaster is okay, but has some claw and bite marks. | ||
| So that's what it says at the beginning of the video. | ||
| In the video, you see this... | ||
| This raccoon and the dog are fucking going at it. | ||
| And so Kevin Rose runs down there, grabs the raccoon, slams it, and then kicks it. | ||
| Holy shit, he's gangster. | ||
| He grabbed that thing. | ||
| He didn't kick it first. | ||
| He just reached down and grabbed it with his hands, and then Hulk slammed it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| That's down a staircase, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Is that a security camera that caught that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that his house? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, that's so crazy. | ||
| He grabbed that thing and hurled it. | ||
| Like a pillow. | ||
| Yeah, body slammed it. | ||
| Hey, that's how you do it when your loved ones are in danger. | ||
| You know, that's like when a woman picks up a truck to save her baby. | ||
| You know, that kind of shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have that freak strength. | ||
| I think I would have just... | ||
| Kicked it. | ||
| I don't think I would touch it with my hand. | ||
| I think I would just, like, as hard as I could. | ||
| Yeah, I think you're right. | ||
| I think I probably would too. | ||
| But who knows? | ||
| I know, you hear that yelping of your favorite little pet. | ||
| Little wiki has a... | ||
| You might just... | ||
| I would grab a raccoon off of your dog if it was happening. | ||
| You might just go red-eyed. | ||
| You might just get crazy. | ||
| But God, how scary would it be if that thing walked on your face? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I took my dog to the vet and he had these canines, I guess like puppy teeth, like they're supposed to fall out, but a lot of times their normal teeth will grow around their baby teeth. | ||
| Yeah, you told me about this. | ||
| Yeah, so she had to pull out all these teeth. | ||
| Man, that poor dog is just sitting there like looking at walls, crying. | ||
| Yeah, that's fucked up, man. | ||
| It's weird when you get these little breeds too, because you got to think like, what are those things like, I mean, how healthy is it to make an animal that weighs a pound? | ||
| You know, what's involved in that process? | ||
| Is that like normal? | ||
| It's a normal-sized dog, though. | ||
| It's not a teacup or anything. | ||
| It's just a Shih Tzu. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people think it's like a teacup, but I think it's just a runt or whatever it's called. | ||
| You know, like the baby of the litter. | ||
| The small one of the litter. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| I think it's called a runt. | ||
| Yeah, I did some research on Twixie's thing and the Pekingese dog. | ||
| You know, they used to... | ||
| How they... | ||
| What came was they would have, like, samurai warriors would just leave these beautiful little puppies in the bottom of their sleeves. | ||
| So they'd walk around and be all, you know, intimidating and stuff. | ||
| So to offset that, they'd have these adorable little dogs as they would just walk around with. | ||
| In their sleeves, yeah. | ||
| Speaking of animals, Brian, I want you to go to this story. | ||
| It's on the Daily Cause, K-O-S. You ever go to that website? | ||
| Go to dailycause.com and there's a story on... | ||
| I'll tweet it because this is so fucking crazy you're not going to believe it. | ||
| These armed agents came into a no-kill shelter. | ||
| I just tweeted it. | ||
| You can find the link. | ||
| These armed agents, they had a no-kill shelter for dogs. | ||
| If you don't want, you could donate money. | ||
| It's like a non-profit. | ||
| For a dog that goes to a pound, a lot of times they're in danger of being killed. | ||
| There's a few of these no-kill shelters that people set up to make sure these animals don't die. | ||
| Well, someone put a deer in one of these no-kill shelters. | ||
| So aerial photos were taken, they saw the deer, a warrant was issued, and a raid ensued by heavily armed agents. | ||
| The staff was corralled, not permitted to make calls, and cell phones were confiscated to delete pictures of the raid, and a baby deer, named Giggles by the staff, was seized and stuffed into a body bag and then promptly killed by the agents. | ||
| The presiding warden compared it to a drug raid to justify the SWAT-like tactics. | ||
| They compared it to a drug raid that having an illegal deer on the premise, a baby deer that they've been taking care of, was like having drugs. | ||
| So they came in there, and this is in Wisconsin, the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources. | ||
| And the sheriff's deputies raided this non-profit no-kill shelter, put this fucking baby deer in a bag, and then killed it. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| The article says, Yes, dear civilized world, heavily armed agents of a state government in the U.S. of A. have raided a no-kill animal shelter to execute with extreme prejudice an internationally recognized symbol for the gentleness, helplessness, and innocence. | ||
| Yes, world, this is America today, where militarized assault has become the answer to even the most minimal threat. | ||
| So really, I mean, that's a really interesting article. | ||
| It's a really interesting article. | ||
| I mean, the way he just said that, it's really weird that they did that. | ||
| So they went in for this deer, specifically? | ||
| Yeah, the word interesting is the wrong word, obviously. | ||
| I'm still kind of stunned by this. | ||
| But that agents would want to do this, that they would want to go in armed like that. | ||
| Like, why are they so armed for a deer? | ||
| Have they given a reason why, or have they made any comments? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I just read this. | ||
| It's kind of crazy, though. | ||
| That is bizarre. | ||
| I mean, it's a new story. | ||
| It says 6.21 p.m., and right now it's 7.57 p.m. | ||
| where we are. | ||
| I don't know if this is Pacific time. | ||
| Yes, it's Pacific time. | ||
| So this is only a couple hours old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wait. | |
| This is August 1st, though. | ||
| Yeah, today's August 1st, buddy. | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| August 2nd? | ||
|
unidentified
|
August 2nd. | |
| Is it today the 2nd already? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Where's this fucking life going? | ||
| It's life flying by. | ||
| Anyway, the story's gone viral now. | ||
| The Daily Cause is Daily KOS. Excellent website. | ||
| There's always really interesting stories there. | ||
| So go there and check that out. | ||
| If you're looking for the link to the story itself, it's on my Twitter feed, which is Joe Rogan. | ||
| It also has a beautiful picture of Michelle Bachman. | ||
| On the front page. | ||
| That crazy conservative lady. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I love those crazy conservative ladies. | ||
| Maybe that deer was like some kind of a government experiment and it got away. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Maybe it was like a 28 Days Later deer. | ||
| It has to be something crazy for them. | ||
| I mean, killing the deer is one thing. | ||
| Maybe they just bored and they wanted something to do and that was like a big deal. | ||
| Deleting the... | ||
| The pictures, that seems like a whole other illegal move. | ||
| It seems like you should be able to take whatever pictures you want. | ||
| On your property. | ||
| Yeah, but they want to minimize any kind of political situation that would come up from killing a deer. | ||
| And they probably thought the best way to do that is to stop any photos that are being taken. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, kind of crazy, really. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It seems a little bit overkill-y. | ||
| Maybe Wisconsin's just trying to act gangster so they get some attention. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It just hurts your feelings. | ||
| And this is coming from someone who's killed a deer. | ||
| I killed a deer to eat it. | ||
| Someone has a baby pet deer. | ||
| Fenced into a no-kill ranch. | ||
| It's just so crazy. | ||
| The people that would be... | ||
| The biggest animal lovers probably that you could find with the ones that would be working there. | ||
| So to do that to them is like extra cruel. | ||
| Another thing that's really bizarre, did you say that they put him in a body bag and then killed him? | ||
| Yeah, they just grabbed it and stuffed into a body bag and then probably either clubbed it or shot it. | ||
| Kevin Rose threw it down some stairs. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, who knows, man? | ||
| Who knows what it is? | ||
| Normally you put things in a body bag after. | ||
| That seems like a lot of hard work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's flailing legs. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| It's really, it's weird, you know? | ||
| You stop and think about it. | ||
| It's like that someone could just do that in front of all these screaming and crying people and stuff it in a bag and Ice it. | ||
| Right, of all the things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where's the baby deer? | |
| It just seems like it's not necessary. | ||
| I mean, the only thing that you could say though, and this is true, is that they contain ticks and those ticks contain Lyme disease. | ||
| That is possible. | ||
| If they were worried about Lyme disease spreading into these other animals and they were justifiably upset that these people brought a possibly contaminated deer, It does make sense that they would take the deer away and examine it. | ||
| At least, you know, examine it. | ||
| But throwing it in a body bag and killing it is pretty fucking, pretty cruel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, why not? | ||
| Why not be nice? | ||
| Why do I do that poor little deer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're so cute. | ||
| It's like a really bad way to die. | ||
| They're so cute. | ||
| But they're so fucking delicious. | ||
| It's like there's a battle going on with us, you know? | ||
| You know what else is delicious? | ||
| Rabbits. | ||
| Delicious. | ||
| And for a while, people just, they had to eat them. | ||
| There was no debate. | ||
| And it's just like recently, where people, you know, in the last few hundred years or so, people have gotten to the point where we don't have to kill everything to eat it. | ||
| It's not everything near us that's moving, hit with a rock and fucking thrown into a fire. | ||
| We don't have to do that anymore. | ||
| So we have pets. | ||
| We have pets that used to be our food. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, cute little rabbit. | ||
| They're so fluffy. | ||
| They're like, please don't eat us. | ||
| We're not aggressive. | ||
| We just hang out. | ||
| Sometimes you gotta eat them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I actually, I don't think you know this about me. | ||
| But I'm a vegetarian. | ||
| I'm a vegan. | ||
| Total vegan, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I knew there was something wrong with you. | ||
| I've known this for a long time. | ||
| I always thought it was funny because I love your secret vegan bit that you do. | ||
| And the first time I heard it was when I was working with you in Indianapolis and I'm back there cracking up. | ||
| And I said to myself, you know what, I'm going to keep this. | ||
| I'm going to see how long I could be the opposite vegan. | ||
| Well, I knew you were at least a vegetarian for a long time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I think it came up maybe when we were hanging out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe, do we go to dinner or something? | ||
| Do we eat something? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Yeah, that's gotta be weird, man, when you're on the road. | ||
| Is that annoying? | ||
| It's so hard on the road, it really is. | ||
| What do you do when you're on the road to stand up? | ||
| Luckily, the main thing that I avoid is dairy. | ||
| I still eat fish, sushi, salmon, all that. | ||
| Oh, you do? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| The fuck are you talking about? | ||
| You're not a vegan. | ||
| I'm a pescatarian that doesn't eat dairy. | ||
| Dude, that is not being a vegan. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You eat fish. | ||
| But... | ||
| It's the butter and milk that's the bad stuff. | ||
| Yeah, but vegans, for the most part, they're doing it more as in... | ||
| I wouldn't say more, but one of the major considerations is that they don't want to hurt animals. | ||
| Yeah, that's not my consideration at all. | ||
| Mine is so selfish. | ||
| I just wanted to be happy all the time. | ||
| That's what I was... | ||
| It has nothing to do with the animals. | ||
| And you found that altering your diet has a big... | ||
| Change on how you feel? | ||
| Big time. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| Creatively. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| See, what used to happen was that down that I would get after eating, it's just exhausting. | ||
| I'm very reactive to that. | ||
| that. | ||
| I like coffee and I like being able to be in position to do something, you know? | ||
| So it used to really bother me. | ||
| And first I cut out meat. | ||
| I'm like, it's something with my eating because I would just crash so hard after every meal I'd want to take a nap. | ||
| So then I went a few months and I've done it before and both times it's been this way. | ||
| But this time I've kept it for a year and a half. | ||
| But once I cut out the dairy, the sour cream, the cheese, it's hard in the beginning. | ||
| But it's not really once you just go around it. | ||
| Once you have vegan cheese in your house, it's pretty much straight because then you can make a pizza or whatever. | ||
| You know, you could throw something together if you really are craving it. | ||
| But yeah, that edge and the negativity and sort of depression-like symptoms that I was feeling pretty much throughout my whole life up until the point really dissipated after the dairy was gone. | ||
| Almost instantly, by the way. | ||
| Like, to the meal, once I started eliminating cheese was really the main thing because I'd have cheese on every sandwich. | ||
| So delicious, though. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I like vegan cheese, though. | ||
| You get used to it, and there's great ways around it. | ||
| Avocado's great. | ||
| For me, it's one month now with no gluten. | ||
| One month where I haven't had any. | ||
| It's completely changed my diet. | ||
| I only eat vegetables and meats and chicken and fish and things along those lines. | ||
| Occasionally I have rice, but not very often. | ||
| But I've completely cut out all pasta, completely cut out all bread, and I notice a lot of differences. | ||
| I don't feel, when I eat, even if I'm full, I don't need to eat anymore, I don't feel bloated. | ||
| I don't have the, ugh, there's a feeling nice to eat. | ||
| Dude, I can put away some fucking food, alright? | ||
| I would eat a giant whole pizza by myself, like, with all sorts of shit on it. | ||
| Pepperoni and sausage, and I will fuck up a big pizza to the point where I just... | ||
| The last couple of slices, I'm just trying to prove a point. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just... | |
| Just showing what a fat fucking pig I can be and stuff this down my throat. | ||
| But the feeling after that, when that cement is digesting in my stomach, that paste, when it's all smashed up with my teeth and packed into a ball of just... | ||
| Barely digestible fart fuel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally. | |
| I mean, that's what it is. | ||
| I'm just cutting horrible farts and listening to my stomach rumble and it's just stretched out and aching. | ||
| That's gone. | ||
| One of the reasons why I did it is because I talked to someone about my back, which has gotten a lot better. | ||
| And thank you everybody who's had back injuries and given me tips, whether it's on Twitter, on the message board. | ||
| A lot of people gave me some great suggestions of different shit to do. | ||
| Including Dave Asprey, who told me about ozone, pro-lo-zone therapy. | ||
| It's pro-lo-therapy with ozone, which helped me quite a bit. | ||
| Really interesting, interesting stuff. | ||
| But this lady told me to cut out gluten. | ||
| She said she's a therapist, a physical therapist, and her and her husband both work with high-level athletes. | ||
| And one of the things they said is, like, we've had really good results in getting people to stop eating gluten, and a lot of inflammation goes down. | ||
| And people that have had, like, back issues... | ||
| Just in cutting out the gluten, the inflammation from their disc swelling and stuff has gone down considerably to the point where it becomes asymptomatic. | ||
| And I thought that was so crazy. | ||
| I was like, how could gluten have that much of an effect on you? | ||
| But man, it fucking does. | ||
| I've only been a month. | ||
| It's about roughly a month now. | ||
| But I have much less aches and pains in joints. | ||
| My face looks thinner. | ||
| My face is like... | ||
| I'm still eating as much as I want. | ||
| I'm not like... | ||
| I wouldn't say I'm limiting my calories or dieting, but I'm losing body fat, and my stomach is going down. | ||
| I know there's this book, Wheat Belly. | ||
| I haven't read it yet, but apparently what they talk about is how many people have belly fat from eating gluten and wheat. | ||
| It just... | ||
| It just packs it on you. | ||
| But I noticed my stomach on television. | ||
| I was like, my gut's kind of sticking out a little bit. | ||
| Because I haven't been able to work out as much because of my back. | ||
| All that shit's gone. | ||
| All that shit's gone as soon as I cut out gluten. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I could tell on your face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My face was getting pretty fat, man. | ||
| I carry weight in my face. | ||
| It's one of the first places I carry it. | ||
| For whatever reason. | ||
| In my dick. | ||
| So, unfortunately, fortunately and unfortunately, my dick is looking like a runner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| My dick looks like a jogger. | ||
| A jogger. | ||
| I want my dick to look like a bulldog. | ||
| Instead it looks like a jogger with a headband. | ||
| But I would recommend anybody trying it. | ||
| Some people say it's nonsense, but one of the things I found out about the internet, the internet is a beautiful resource, but no matter what, there's going to be a certain amount of people that think something sucks. | ||
| It could be the most awesome shit that's ever existed. | ||
| I've seen people say the Black Keys fucking suck. | ||
| I've seen people say Louis C.K. fucking sucks. | ||
| I've seen people say Dave Chappelle fucking sucks. | ||
| Everything that is awesome in the world, someone out there is saying it sucks. | ||
| You could just search the keywords on Twitter and you'll find people saying the dumbest stuff in the world. | ||
| So much of it is people not talking in person to other people and not like having to like have like a sort of like a cooperative, interactive exchange with people. | ||
| Instead of that, like communicating with people and seeing them in a full three dimensional two person to person sort of a way. | ||
| Just the ability to like fucking just get online. | ||
| Fucking Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| You think you're funny. | ||
| You're fucking queer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They just just throw it out there. | ||
| Just unleash from the bowels of their soul. | ||
| They hide in their apartment from the fucking bill collectors. | ||
| From their parents who live on the floor above them. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| If I can give any advice to anybody that finds themselves caught doing that, sometimes people think they can do it to celebrities because celebrities aren't really people. | ||
| I've seen people that seem like normal folks, and then they'll tell you, Ariane Celeste Brockby from Twitter. | ||
| Like, why'd you do that? | ||
| I was fucking giving her some shit about something. | ||
| She blocked me. | ||
| Like, why are you doing that, dude? | ||
| Do you even know her? | ||
| Like, why are you having this exchange with her? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Why are you being so mean? | ||
| Why are you being mean? | ||
| Focus on yourself, motherfucker. | ||
| It's weird when you meet those people in person, too. | ||
| There was a guy the other day that came to the comedy club, and he was just like, remember that guy that came up? | ||
| He was kind of drunk, and he goes... | ||
| He was talking to our friend Benji, and he was just like, you know, man, you suck. | ||
| Your set was just stupid. | ||
| And we're just like, interrupting our conversation. | ||
| And it got me to the point where I was like, I almost just want to beat this guy's ass. | ||
| I'm not even a fighter, but I just want to smash this dude's face in. | ||
| Because I've already gone through the police, you know, just get away from us, man. | ||
| Leave us alone type thing. | ||
| And the whole night, he wouldn't leave. | ||
| He kept on getting kicked out, and he would come sneak his way back in, start talking shit to comics, and then like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It was like he just needed... | ||
| So he's like a human in real life troll. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Instead of like an internet troll. | ||
| He was really bad at it, too, because he would come up to the group, he would say somebody sucked, and we're just like, okay, what else? | ||
| What else you got? | ||
| Oh, that's it. | ||
| I just want to tell you you suck. | ||
| It's like, okay. | ||
| Well, then that's it, right? | ||
| So you can go. | ||
| It's like, why you got to be like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just told me I suck. | |
| What do you mean? | ||
| What am I supposed to do? | ||
| Hang out with you? | ||
| As time goes on, more of those people are being exposed. | ||
| And they're starting to feel that, you know, they're starting to feel the sting of being mean to people like that. | ||
| Like, have you seen what happened with that guy that was on, who's a Reddit guy, who was like, he was posting, he posts like really mean evil shit on Reddit, and they found out who he was in real life, so they contacted his employer and he got fired. | ||
| He got fired for his... | ||
| He was talking about it. | ||
| He's like, this is just a persona. | ||
| I just do this to blow off steam. | ||
| I'm actually a nice guy. | ||
| I got a family. | ||
| He just was entertaining himself by just doing this online. | ||
| It gets weird, man. | ||
| It gets weird. | ||
| I don't agree with that guy getting fired. | ||
| I'll tell you that. | ||
| I don't agree with a guy getting fired for something that has nothing to do with his work. | ||
| Because you find out that he posts mean shit on Twitter or on Reddit. | ||
| Well, he didn't know that he was going to get caught. | ||
| You have to show that bar. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, most people think that the rules are pretty – like, it's a game to a lot of folks. | ||
| Like, try to say something mean, try to get people to react, try to get people to freak out because you put up some horrifying image. | ||
| And that game, the parameters of that game have been pretty clearly established. | ||
| No one was losing any jobs because of that. | ||
| You had an anonymous name. | ||
| Nobody lost any jobs. | ||
| Well, somewhere along the line, people decided that wasn't good enough, so they had to go after the people that were posting this fucked up shit. | ||
| And the way they went after is they find out who you are as a real human being, and then they go after you. | ||
| And that's where this shit gets weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it was, like, who are you? | ||
| Are you your online guy? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or are you the real guy, the real, you know, Tony Hinchcliffe that I see out there in the street? | ||
| Or are you Tony Hinchcliffe that pretends to be a woman and goes on Cougar Life and tries to get guys to fall in love? | ||
| Have you been looking at my browser history? | ||
| How many women, I mean like how many dudes out there that are online talking and they think to women are actually just other dudes that are pretending to be women? | ||
| That didn't happen to me. | ||
| One of the things that we did on this sci-fi show is we went to a motion capture studio. | ||
| They do the same stuff. | ||
| They do Avatar and they did a lot of other movies. | ||
| They have all these different frames that they can put you into. | ||
| They put you in this motion capture suit and they make an image of your face and then they can put your face on a body. | ||
| And then you're running around this area and you're running around actually in this game. | ||
| You could see this character and you could be a woman, you could be a monster, you could be all these different characters in a game. | ||
| How long is it until we have a World of Warcraft type 3D game and dudes just decide to be a chick? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just because. | ||
| Just because. | ||
| Just for fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| You know? | ||
| I'm always girl video game characters. | ||
| And anyway... | ||
| Yeah, you would be a girl if you were a superhero, right? | ||
| Didn't you say you would be a superwoman? | ||
| Superwoman. | ||
| And if you had the choice, you would bother the other players more by killing than being a woman anyway. | ||
| Like, oh man, I just got killed by a chick. | ||
| Let me give you a for instance. | ||
| Let me give you... | ||
| What if... | ||
| Okay, let's say... | ||
| I don't know anything about your personal situation, but let's say you're in love. | ||
| You found the girl. | ||
| This is the one you want to marry, okay? | ||
| And you have the opportunity for one day, or one hour, let's say an hour, to feel what it's like for you to fuck her. | ||
| And she gets to feel what it's like to be you having sex with her. | ||
| So you feel what it's like to be her getting fucked by you, and she feels what it's like for you To fuck her. | ||
| Do you think you could do that? | ||
| Do you think you could lie there and get fucked by yourself? | ||
| I don't think I could handle an hour of what I'm dealing with. | ||
| Do you think you could do that? | ||
| Do you think you could deal with kissing you? | ||
| And do you think you'd love her enough to let her be you for an hour and you be her? | ||
| I really, really love myself. | ||
| I'm pretty sure that if I got fucked by me, if I was a chick for an hour, I'd probably really enjoy it. | ||
| If I was a chick, I'd probably be a squirter. | ||
| Do you think you'd give up the booty? | ||
| Would you go anal? | ||
| Would I give up? | ||
| If you were a chick, would you take it in the ass from yourself? | ||
| Well, for me, yeah. | ||
| From yourself, yeah. | ||
| Would you just spit on your hand and rub your asshole? | ||
| Never in any other analogy would I reach back and open it up wide for you. | ||
| I don't know if I did. | ||
| Would you go ass to mouth for yourself? | ||
| That's the real question. | ||
| How much do you really love yourself? | ||
| Because you probably don't love yourself enough to go ass to mouth on yourself. | ||
| But if you watch porn, girls who don't even love guys are willing to go ass to mouth. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So consider your commitment. | ||
| Well, the girls in porns are getting like $2,000. | ||
| So do I also get $2,000 to fuck myself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If that's all it takes for you to go ass to mouth, we can have that arranged. | ||
| Well, he has to be fucking himself. | ||
| We'll just make a mask. | ||
| We'll just make a mask. | ||
| We'll just make a mask that looks just like you. | ||
| It's not gay if it's yourself. | ||
| How about we make a mask that looks just like you and we put it on a girl with a strap on. | ||
| So it is like you're fucking yourself. | ||
| Not enough? | ||
| No. | ||
| Definitely not. | ||
| You need to be the girl. | ||
| You need to actually be a girl. | ||
| Because then you'd say, yeah, I'm not even me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm her. | |
| And then you look down and you see your penis. | ||
| And you go, oh no. | ||
| No, I'm still a guy. | ||
| What the fuck kind of game am I playing? | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm so confused. | ||
| I don't know whether I would fuck this thing or I wouldn't. | ||
| I don't know what's me and what's not. | ||
| Do they both have penises? | ||
| Does one have a vagina? | ||
| I mean, I've wondered. | ||
| Have you ever wondered what it must be like to be a woman and to be attracted to men? | ||
| And to be a woman and have a man inside of you. | ||
| The whole experience. | ||
| It's so radically different. | ||
| It would be really trippy if they offered up. | ||
| Say if one day your mind literally can be recorded. | ||
| Say if one day the memory that you experience now is like old school. | ||
| They're going to have digital memory. | ||
| They're going to plug it into the cerebral cortex or wherever the fuck your memories are stored. | ||
| And you're going to be able to have it on a hard drive. | ||
| You're going to be able to have your memory on a hard drive. | ||
| And I'm going to be able to take a copy of your memory or borrow your chip or whatever and stick it in my head and experience what you're experiencing. | ||
| So the question becomes, if that is possible, if you can, like, literally one day experience someone's memories, will you experience you getting fucked by you? | ||
| That's interesting because it's like, you know, people that are born blind don't dream in color. | ||
| So I wonder if you could feel a vagina if you don't have one. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| That's really interesting. | ||
| I never even thought of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But you and the wife would just swap hard drives. | |
| It seems like they're getting a more enjoyable end. | ||
| I mean, the noises that they make the whole time. | ||
| And compared to, I mean, I don't know how you guys are, but I'm not that loud. | ||
| It's not like, ah, ah, ah. | ||
| You should try it. | ||
| Practice it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Just fucking go crazy. | ||
| Pretend. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can tell this is life-changing advice I'm about to get. | |
| Just pretend when you're fucking that you're an animal in a movie. | ||
| That's what you should do. | ||
| Not even a real animal. | ||
| Because real animals are fairly quiet. | ||
| Like a squirrel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like just a crazy, wild, undiscovered ape that lives in Africa. | ||
| It's one killer fucking screaming ape and claw and hold it by the neck. | ||
| Try it. | ||
| Just get crazy. | ||
| I make sea lion noises. | ||
| Yeah, the kind that are drying up on the beach because they have a broken flipper. | ||
| Is that how you get to fuck dolphins? | ||
| By making that noise? | ||
| By the way, sea lions are the most funniest sounding animal, I think, just hanging out. | ||
| I wonder what they're doing. | ||
| Do you think they're communicating? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They sound so depressed and dumb. | ||
| You ain't lying. | ||
| Yeah, it's not like the best sound. | ||
| Have you ever heard of elk? | ||
| Elk? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have this weird... | ||
| They have like a bugle. | ||
| It's called an elk bugle. | ||
| Pull it up as a sound. | ||
| It's the weirdest noise. | ||
| Like animals have weird fucking noises, but male elks, what they call bull elks, when they're calling out to bitches, letting them know what's up, it's time to get some dick. | ||
| Come to get some dick. | ||
| Listen to the sound. | ||
| You hear that? | ||
| That's an elk. | ||
| It also sounds like Tony in bed. | ||
| That's a female. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's R2-D2. Oh wow. | |
| How weird is that? | ||
| Elk, when you look at them with their giant fucking horns, listen to that. | ||
| Is that the guy? | ||
| That's an elk. | ||
| That's an elk making noise. | ||
| Yeah, that's a male. | ||
| The males have horns. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| That animal is right out of Lord of the Rings. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| It looks like a boar with antlers. | ||
| They're weird because they're closer related apparently to cows than they are to deer. | ||
| It looks like it. | ||
| Really thick necks. | ||
| What a weird fucking noise, man. | ||
| Fuck, I'd suck off that elk after making that noise. | ||
| Those mating calls are working on me. | ||
| I mean, what a weird animal, man. | ||
| I mean, think about that reality. | ||
| Living in the woods, just trekking around in snow, looking for grass to eat, and then once a year, it's time to fuck. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Once a year, it's time to get your fuck on. | ||
| How exciting that must be when that comes around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're bugling. | |
| Ooh! | ||
| Ooh! | ||
| I wish I was here for the other day. | ||
| You had that car guy on. | ||
| Oh, Matt Farah? | ||
| Yeah, how was that? | ||
| Oh, he'll be back again. | ||
| He was awesome. | ||
| He was awesome. | ||
| Fun. | ||
| We got hammered, too. | ||
| Oh, geez, Louisa. | ||
| I could have talked shit about Volkswagen with him. | ||
| Why? | ||
| What's wrong with your Volkswagen? | ||
| It's the most dumbest thing ever. | ||
| I haven't had my car for a month. | ||
| What's wrong? | ||
| Well, when I first got it, they had this thing where the windows, you try to roll up the windows, and it would roll up all the way, and then it would roll down all the way, and then you're like, God damn it, you have to do it like four times in a row. | ||
| So finally, I was like, what the fuck's going on? | ||
| They're like, oh, there's a recall. | ||
| So they take out the windows, and they scratch up, uh, I had tenting on them, they scratched up all the tenting on it, and so then I had to take it back, and then, like, this, uh, like, a couple months later, the sunroof thing broke, the trunk thing, which had, like, string holding up the trunk, broke, All these little things keep on breaking. | ||
| Like the car, awesome, but all these little stupid things breaking. | ||
| So then I take it back. | ||
| They have it for two weeks. | ||
| They give it back to me. | ||
| They didn't fix half the shit, so then I had to take it back. | ||
| They didn't fix half the shit? | ||
| What didn't they fix? | ||
| They were supposed to fix this headlight thing, and they didn't fix the headlight. | ||
| And then when they were fixing the sunroof thing, they scratched up the top of the interior, so they have to replace the interior. | ||
| The general manager and the service managers won't even call me back anymore. | ||
| They don't have an answer. | ||
| Every time I come, I'm like, how about now? | ||
| It'll be beginning of next week. | ||
| Then next week comes and they're like, it's going to be the following week. | ||
| And they just don't even answer my phone calls anymore. | ||
| It's gotten to that point. | ||
| They don't answer your phone calls? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| They won't return my calls. | ||
| There was like three days that they didn't return my calls. | ||
| And this is the dealership? | ||
| This is the dealership. | ||
| I just contacted, because I went crazy on Twitter. | ||
| And then, of course, the Volkswagen Twitter page sent me a message. | ||
| And what'd they say? | ||
| So I called up and I made this, I had to make up this whole, like... | ||
| You know, thing where the district manager is going to figure out what the fuck's going on. | ||
| So they had opened up a case. | ||
| But still, no car. | ||
| They gave me a Passat, which I guess is a nice car, a 2013 to use for the last two days. | ||
| But it's like one of those ones where it's been stripped of everything. | ||
| Where you don't even have a map, GPS. No navigation? | ||
| I have a four-cylinder. | ||
| I have no pickup at all. | ||
| So I'm on the LA freeway trying to... | ||
| Speed or do something, and it's just like I have a little go-kart. | ||
| It's bullshit. | ||
| That's crazy that they've had it for a month. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was the major issue? | ||
| What the fuck was it? | ||
| Well, the major issue was just that there's been so many little things that have been breaking on it, like the windows and stuff, but they have this net. | ||
| It's over the sunroof, and you pull the net. | ||
| What are they saying? | ||
| Are they giving you a reason why they can't fix this? | ||
| No, what they do is they fix it, and they'll break something else. | ||
| They break something else? | ||
| Yeah, like when they fix the roof thing, they scratched up my whole interior, and so they're replacing the interior now. | ||
| When they replaced my windows, they scratched up all the tint on my windows when they put it back in. | ||
| Like, it's been just non-stop. | ||
| And then, like, all these little tiny... | ||
| Like, people warn me about this. | ||
| I already knew this about Volkswagen. | ||
| But all these little tiny things, like the cigarette lighter thing, where you plug in your, like, iPhone charger. | ||
| When you pull it out, the whole thing came out. | ||
| So I had to get that fixed. | ||
| So it's a build quality complaint. | ||
| It's a build... | ||
| Yeah, and what's weird is if you look back... | ||
| Like, I get consumer reports and stuff with Volkswagen. | ||
| They've had this problem for so long that it's always an electrical issue. | ||
| It's always, you know, like... | ||
| The little things break. | ||
| It's never the engine. | ||
| Usually, everything runs fine. | ||
| It's just like your car will fall apart. | ||
| And it's like to the T. I would go there and I would verbally abuse every employee there. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not their fault. | ||
| Who knows what the fuck is going on? | ||
| I mean, it's not every employee. | ||
| Someone's fucking up. | ||
| The one that they put in front of you, whoever's responsible for that location. | ||
| There was also a part of this Volkswagen experience where I ordered a part, this headlight. | ||
| They were like, you know, something on the freeway snapped up and hit one of the fog lights. | ||
| And it was like, alright, so I have to pay for that. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| And they're like, well, it's going to be $200, but the labor's going to be $100. | ||
| I'm like, that's fine. | ||
| Just need it fixed. | ||
| And then they didn't fix that. | ||
| And then I was like, why didn't you fix this? | ||
| And I had to take my car back, and I went to the service manager, and I was like, why didn't you fix this? | ||
| Oh, this service guy said that you said not to fix it. | ||
| That was too expensive. | ||
| Okay, well this sounds like a personal service situation. | ||
| It's going to go on forever. | ||
| Yeah, it sucks. | ||
| Do you want to say the name of the place? | ||
| New Century Volkswagen Glendale, you can eat my dick. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| That's not what I was hoping you were going to do. | ||
| I was hoping you were going to say, New Century Volkswagen Glendale, let's work this out. | ||
| Eat my dick. | ||
| They have your car still. | ||
| I don't care anymore. | ||
| Like, they can keep my car. | ||
| You shouldn't say eat my dick, because they might just eat your dick. | ||
| You're going to get there, they're going to lock the doors, and they're going to go, Oh, you want to talk some shit, huh? | ||
| Hey, our phone's been ringing off the hook for the past two days, so we are going to eat your dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| They come out with a fucking pair of hedge clippers and chase you around the Volkswagen shop. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| It's in Glendale, man. | ||
| Glendales. | ||
| Oh, I'm fucked. | ||
| I know I'm fucked. | ||
| You're not fucked. | ||
| It does sound like a pain in the dick, though. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe, any car problems you want to throw into the bench? | ||
| No, no car problems. | ||
| I did have some bad customer service two weeks ago, though. | ||
| I was at the airport. | ||
| I had just gotten done with this gig. | ||
| I was by myself in Corpus Christi, Texas, for a weekend. | ||
| I'm at the airport. | ||
| I get there a half hour early, about to board. | ||
| I mean, this is the Corpus Christi airport, so there's... | ||
| Just me and the other people that are on my flight there. | ||
| And I'm sitting right next to the door where they pull the gate up to, you know? | ||
| I'm sitting right there. | ||
| I have about a half hour, though, to wait before they load up the plane. | ||
| My eyes start getting a little heavy because I have a 5 o'clock flight. | ||
| I've been up all night. | ||
| I did stand up that night. | ||
| So I stay up to get the flight so I can get back to LA early and sleep in my bed, you know? | ||
| And sleep on the plane. | ||
| Anyway... | ||
| My eyes get heavy. | ||
| I fall asleep while they're boarding this plane. | ||
| I wake up, it's 15 minutes after it took off. | ||
| And I open my eyes, and there's still that lady that works for the airline there. | ||
| And I go, so that plane took off, huh? | ||
| And she's like, oh, you must be Hinchcliffe. | ||
| I go, yeah, how do you know that? | ||
| She goes, because I just paged you twice. | ||
| I go, I'm sitting right here. | ||
| I mean, sure, I fell asleep, but you would think that this lady, there's nobody else in the airport now. | ||
| So you think they're supposed to wake you up? | ||
| Is that what the fuck you're saying? | ||
| Jesus Christ, you lazy bitch. | ||
| They're gonna fly you through the sky in a fucking metal tube. | ||
| You want them to wake you up too? | ||
| This is like 150 fucking people on this plane. | ||
| They don't have time to wake you up. | ||
| It wasn't even. | ||
| It was like 35. Whatever it is. | ||
| There's 34 other people to think about. | ||
| Why the fuck should they wake you up? | ||
| There's only one guy sitting there. | ||
| Wake up, bitch. | ||
| It's time to wake up, bitch. | ||
| I don't agree with that. | ||
| They probably were like, hello, sir, sir, you right there. | ||
| All right, last call. | ||
| They're not going to come up to you and shake you, just in case if you're not Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Tony, you're a mess. | ||
| That's what the fuck happened. | ||
| You're a goddamn mess. | ||
| You couldn't even stay awake long enough to catch your flight. | ||
| What are you on, Ambien? | ||
| Taking drugs, son? | ||
| Nice Ohio boy, come over here, fall into those LA ways. | ||
| Is that what happened? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| I was sitting in an airport. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| Did you see this article on magic mushrooms repairing brain damage caused by extreme trauma? | ||
| It's on my Twitter. | ||
| It's a study from the University of South Florida that found that low doses of the active ingredient in magic mushrooms repairs brain damage caused by extreme trauma, offering renewed hope to millions of sufferers of PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder. | ||
| And that this study confirms previous research by the Imperial College London That psilocybin, a naturally occurring compound present in shrooms, stimulates new brain cell growth and erases frightening memories. | ||
| Mice conditioned to fear electric shock when hearing a noise associated with the shock simply lost their fear, says Dr. Juan Sanchez Ramos. | ||
| Who co-authored the study. | ||
| A low dose of psilocybin led to overcoming fear conditioning and the freeze response associated with it faster than the group of mice on catanserin which is a drug that counteracts the receptors that bind psilocybin in the brain. | ||
| And a control group on saline. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| It's amazing shit, man. | ||
| Yeah, they've linked it to curing depression and other mental health Issues as well. | ||
| What they're saying... | ||
| Yeah, this article also goes on to talk about how PTSD is not just psychological... | ||
| That common symptoms, it says, such as hypervigilance, memory fragmentation, flashbacks, disassociation, nightmares, and flight-or-flight responses to triggers are generally thought to be psychological and therefore treatable by learning to change thought processes, but new research suggests that they may in fact be the result of long-term physiological mutations to the brain. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| That it actually changes the brain and that psilocybin repairs those changes. | ||
| That's amazing, man. | ||
| I totally believe it. | ||
| I believe it too, but that's an extreme, extreme statement. | ||
| That's really incredible. | ||
| It's really incredible that they can do that. | ||
| It feels like it when you're on them. | ||
| It feels like there's a new brain growing. | ||
| I always can see life better. | ||
| I get a nice path. | ||
| Like, ah, there's a nice path to go down. | ||
| Sometimes you get... | ||
| Especially if you're overwhelmed with life and busy and stressed out, you can get a little cloudy on what the path is. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| But then sometimes just one psychedelic experience and then you see the path. | ||
| Oh, this is what's right. | ||
| This is what's good. | ||
| I had my first one in a while, just a few weeks ago with Ari. | ||
| We went out to Joshua Tree. | ||
| Oh, you were on that little journey. | ||
| And we had a blast. | ||
| And ever since then, just like I knew I needed, I mean, it's just like clockwork. | ||
| It gets rid of all that... | ||
| I was having, regularly, maybe once a day, for maybe only 20, 30 seconds, these feelings of, oh, I'm dying. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like this natural anxiety, like, how am I, you know, whatever. | ||
| Yeah, interesting. | ||
| And it's just gone. | ||
| It's just a different, it cleanses, it's like giving your brain a shower, is how it feels like to me. | ||
| It just feels scrubbed. | ||
| I think it's amazing that you had that incredible experience from just dropping dairy. | ||
| That you had this experience of no depression, feeling better and happier, just from dropping dairy. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| Immediately. | ||
| Immediately, like, that day. | ||
| It's so delicious, though. | ||
| But it's so delicious. | ||
| It is, but you lose the thing for it after you don't have it. | ||
| And once you feel the results directly, you're like, I mean, I love sour cream, but I don't love it that much. | ||
| And it's easy to switch over to almond milk or any kind of those things. | ||
| They make so many different kinds. | ||
| I love almond milk, and I never really was a big fan of regular cow's milk. | ||
| Yeah, almond milk's pretty badass, actually. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Almond milk, it tastes good and it doesn't give you that weird feeling when it's over. | ||
| But it does taste like, when you're drinking it, it tastes like you're drinking milk. | ||
| But no, I can't even have fucking cereal. | ||
| It's a point, Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's no cereals that are non-gluten? | ||
| They probably taste like ass. | ||
| I'm sure someone's going to tell me about ones that are good. | ||
| I found out there's a lot of beer that you can drink. | ||
| You can drink Budweiser. | ||
| Budweiser has less than 20 parts per million. | ||
| That's how you judge whether or not something is gluten-free. | ||
| Budweiser and Heineken apparently. | ||
| Heineken has so little gluten in it. | ||
| Corona, Sapporo, the rice beers of Japan. | ||
| Those beers are all rice beers. | ||
| They're not wheat based. | ||
| You have some good options. | ||
| Yeah, there's some options. | ||
| I like Heineken's. | ||
| I've always been a fan of Heineken's. | ||
| So that's nice, but I can't drink fucking Sam Adams, and I can't drink Black Butte Porter, like a thick Guinness-type beer. | ||
| I love those stouts. | ||
| What about wines? | ||
| You can drink wine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sweet. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I think some vodka. | ||
| I don't know about vodka. | ||
| Yeah, what about whiskeys? | ||
| I think you can drink whiskey. | ||
| Yeah, I think you're allowed to drink whiskey. | ||
| What's whiskey made out of rye? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Or corn? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Corn? | ||
| I think probably tequila. | ||
| That's mezcal, right? | ||
| That's made out of like a cactus or some shit, right? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What's tequila made out of? | ||
| That's a great question. | ||
| I never thought about it. | ||
| It's clear. | ||
| Why is it clear? | ||
| For something that fucks you up that much, it seems like it should be rainbow covered. | ||
| I have made some of the worst decisions of my life on tequila. | ||
| Oh, it's so much fun. | ||
| See, I've been doing this thing lately where I rotate what I drink regularly and I notice that there's different kind of buzzes and stuff. | ||
| That come along with it, totally. | ||
| And now one of my new favorite things is just popping a shot of tequila and having a beer and rocking the night away. | ||
| Where before I was very, very hung up on Crown Royal and Coke, like whiskey and Coke. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which is so bad for you. | ||
| It's made out of agave. | ||
| And the blue agave plant is the one where they extract... | ||
| Fascinating, man. | ||
| That's fascinating shit. | ||
| Blue agave. | ||
| Primarily in the area surrounding the city of Tequila. | ||
| Which is northwest of Guadalajara in the highlands of Los Altos of the Mexican western state of Jalisco. | ||
| Does not sound safe around that area. | ||
| Not a place to take your family on vacation. | ||
| It's an excellent place to be if you're a kilo. | ||
| Man, it's just weird that that has become the reality of Mexico in just a few short decades. | ||
| We didn't associate Mexico with that when I was in high school. | ||
| Mexico wasn't drug war and people cutting off people's heads and the nutty shit that you see down there. | ||
| It's just so quick how that's happened. | ||
| We like to think that that can never happen to us, and for the most part, I think it can never happen to us. | ||
| But goddamn, how's it happen there? | ||
| How's it happen right there? | ||
| They have the control of the, you know, when the mob gets big, they can control the government. | ||
| That's why, you know, they got, you know, Goodfellas and the Godfather, they did, they're the ones that really pretty much ended the mob because they made it look cool, and it was all about the takeoff. | ||
| I mean, that whole, I don't think we were too far away from the same type of thing. | ||
| I think a difference is that the mob was, you know, It's called organized crime for a reason. | ||
| They're very strategic. | ||
| I'm not sure if these drug wars going down in Mexico, they seem to be a little bit more unorthodox. | ||
| They're very eager to send a message. | ||
| That seems to be their main thing. | ||
| They will cut off heads and put them on your mailbox, you know, if you fuck with them. | ||
| The mob, they would just put a horse's head in your bed or something like that. | ||
| They wouldn't put a human head on your mailbox. | ||
| You're romanticizing the mob. | ||
| The mob, they were nice. | ||
| My mom was a nice person, so she ran a few numbers. | ||
| But everybody was fine. | ||
| We'd kill the horse every now and then to keep you in line. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| They really were. | ||
| You really think so? | ||
| In a lot of ways, yeah. | ||
| I mean, the city of Youngstown was booming when the mob was still... | ||
| I mean, not booming booming. | ||
| The steel industry was dilapidating it, but... | ||
| It's better to have organized crime than disorganized crime. | ||
| And what happened when the FBI raided Youngstown, for example, and I mean that's a small, not too small, but it's a pretty small scale of what obviously would be like in New York and Chicago. | ||
| But what happened in Youngstown was black gangs took over the Bloods and the Crips in a very, very big way. | ||
| And then all of a sudden there's drive-bys and there's bullets going through your window and leaving a mark on the other side of your living room wall. | ||
| And it all becomes a reality. | ||
| Whereas when the mob was there controlling the streets, other gangs, there was no other gangs. | ||
| But as soon as they got rid of the mob, they let, they don't. | ||
| Mind disorganized crime as much as they mind organized. | ||
| It's very bizarre. | ||
| Yeah, that is pretty crazy. | ||
| That's what people say about Vegas. | ||
| They always talk about the good old days when Vegas was run by the mob. | ||
| The mob just ran Vegas right. | ||
| Everyone was polite. | ||
| Everywhere you go, you got a nice lobster. | ||
| People love to talk about that. | ||
| The mob ran Vegas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They did. | ||
| Did you see the, speaking of Vegas, the video with, or the film rather, with Michael Douglas and Matt Damon, where they play Liberace in Liberace's Lover? | ||
| Oh no, I didn't see it. | ||
| Did you end up watching it? | ||
| How was it? | ||
| Was it like on a Brokeback Mountain scale? | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It buries Brokeback Mountain. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it buries it. | ||
| Brokeback Mountain is, Brokeback Mountain! | ||
| First of all, I don't remember who said it. | ||
| I think it was Ricky Gervais said something really funny. | ||
| I think it was him that was quoted this saying, it's surreal watching Gordon Gekko get fucked by Jason Bourne. | ||
| Because, you know, Matt Damon is Jason Bourne and Gordon Gekko was Michael Douglas and, you know, Matt Damon is fucking, you know, Michael Douglas. | ||
| They show that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| First of all, Michael Douglas is one of the baddest motherfuckers that ever lived. | ||
| He is Liberace. | ||
| I mean, he fucking is him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I mean, if you watch Liberace and watch the films and watch how he talked and behaved, I mean, he literally is him. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| The transformation is spectacular. | ||
| He makes you realize what a great actor he really is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Matt Damon, too. | ||
| You fucking buy it. | ||
| You buy it hook, line, and sinker. | ||
| You know he's Jason Bourne, okay? | ||
| You know he was the guy from Good Will Hunting. | ||
| You know all those things, and yet you still buy it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Hook, line, and sinker. | ||
| They are two bad motherfuckers. | ||
| Before I saw it, I was like, how good could this be? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You're shaving your balls and waxing and oiling it up. | ||
| No, before that. | ||
| I don't watch gay films naked. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| The acting in it was incredible. | ||
| The story, though, is really... | ||
| It's kind of a weird story, because all it is, essentially, is one guy who got pissed that Liberace didn't want to fuck him anymore, so he told the Liberace story. | ||
| And the Liberace story, to be told in this film, is basically that Liberace liked to fuck. | ||
| He was really super talented. | ||
| He liked to play music. | ||
| Most of the old ladies came to the show, didn't know he was gay. | ||
| And after the show was over, he wanted to get guys and fuck them. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| He's painted out to be this horrible, horrible, horrible person. | ||
| But in reality, he was just a guy who had $500 million and liked to fuck. | ||
| He really didn't hurt anybody in the movie. | ||
| He kicked the guy out when the guy got crazy, but... | ||
| It also is interesting because the guy who Matt Damon is playing, his character in the movie is hooked on pills and all these amphetamines. | ||
| You watch Matt Damon's character change his personality. | ||
| It's fucking great, man. | ||
| I love great acting. | ||
| It's amazing to see how some actors... | ||
| A lot of great actors play some of the same types of characters through movies. | ||
| The most impressive to me is Walter White... | ||
| Bryan Cranston. | ||
| Bryan Cranston, yeah. | ||
| Because I didn't realize until like season four or five of Breaking Bad. | ||
| I don't know if you watch it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But he also plays the dad in Malcolm in the Middle. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like this positive, happy, like, hoo-hoo-hoo. | ||
| And Walter White is the complete... | ||
| The opposite of that. | ||
| He's got so much to him and he's not just something that's just a little bleak character like the Malcolm in the Middle dad. | ||
| He's so developed and it's so deep and so emotional and you see so much of it that that agility that he could play that guy ends. | ||
| That guy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And he plays that guy so well. | ||
| He wins like every year pretty much, or at least a few now, for his work on that. | ||
| And to think that he can play that guy too, just a Malcolm in the Middle dad? | ||
| His portrayal of a teacher is so goddamn good. | ||
| I mean, he sets the parameters of the way a teacher would behave so perfectly and precisely. | ||
| It's masterful. | ||
| It really is masterful. | ||
| He's incredible. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| The guys who can do that, you've got to really admire that. | ||
| It's such a very specific level of acting. | ||
| There's Daniel Day-Lewis, which I harp on too much, but it's that level of acting. | ||
| It's so much different than most of the douchebags you see at Starbucks going through their scripts. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And Cranston's such a cool guy, too. | ||
| I don't know if you saw this, but at Comic-Con, you saw the thing with the mask, and then they brought him up for the panel, and he took off the mask. | ||
| Place went crazy. | ||
| Why do I feel like we played Liberace music on this podcast before? | ||
| Have we? | ||
| No. | ||
| This is what I want to pull up, then. | ||
| I want to pull up the song, When Liberace Winks at Me. | ||
| Because this is like, this is like some real shit. | ||
| This is in 1950s-ish, when Liberace was like, you know, I guess this was like a scene in a movie, and a woman is singing a song about how enthralled she is by Liberace. | ||
| And it's amazing. | ||
| First of all, it's amazing when you stop and think about how much our culture's changed since then, because this is like, you know, whatever the hell it is, 19... | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| What year does it say? | ||
| 1955. 1955. Watch this shit. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| It's like a strange time machine. | ||
| Oh, it's just there. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Liberace and Libby Morris. | ||
| She's sitting in front of her TV and she's on her knees in front of a little desk writing a letter and she's staring wistfully into the TV while Liberace plays piano. | ||
| He's so handsome. | ||
| And he winks at you. | ||
| When he winks, he clinks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| It's so weird. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a weird voice. | |
| That loud clink is his eyeball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When my pulse starts upon him like a hammer, I'll be wished as any fool and plainly see. | |
| That's what happens Whenever I do I mix it me You can't compare To Charlie How fucking weird What makes you Listen I'll tell you what, man. | ||
| After that movie, I went on a Liberace kick for several days. | ||
| I resisted it at first because I was like, what am I, a Liberace fan? | ||
| But somewhere along the line, I embraced it. | ||
| And I just started just Googling Liberace and listening to interviews. | ||
| I watched him give a tour of his house. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| His house was like real regular looking on the outside. | ||
| But then when you went inside of it, it's like a fucking palace. | ||
| And he had like a normal front to the house. | ||
| But then he had like, he goes, I had two houses built inside of it. | ||
| Like, inside the house, it just has, like, this fucking massive, huge place. | ||
| And apparently, one of his houses, one of his big houses, is for sale right now. | ||
| I think it's Palm Springs. | ||
| I think that's where it is. | ||
| But it's for sale real cheap, like 500 grand. | ||
| Like, you could buy Liberace's house. | ||
| And it still has, like, the painting over the... | ||
| See if you can find it. | ||
| Liberace's house for sale. | ||
| I bet his house had a giant closet that he would just stay in. | ||
| Well, he sued a newspaper in England because they claimed that he was gay. | ||
| And he sued them and won, apparently. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, there were different times back then. | ||
| For reporting the fact. | ||
| For reporting that he was a homosexual. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Well, today, yeah, his mansion for sale for $529,000. | ||
| Which is a lot of money for that fucking house because you're never going to get it back. | ||
| It probably smells like shit. | ||
| It's all just dicks and shit. | ||
| When he died, apparently he had like a half a billion dollars or something close to that. | ||
| He was just so gangster. | ||
| What he did was so crazy, he made his boyfriend get plastic surgery to look like him. | ||
| So it goes back to what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| He wanted to fuck himself. | ||
| That's what he wanted. | ||
| Yeah, he made his boyfriend, this handsome guy, get a chin implant to look like Liberace. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I mean, that is going deep with the crazy. | ||
| That's going really, really deep with the crazy. | ||
| Fucking A, man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A chin implant. | ||
| Get a chin implant and learn how to play the piano like a fucking genius. | ||
| Dude, he didn't give a fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He didn't give a fuck. | ||
| And he was a brilliant, brilliant fucking pianist, man. | ||
| I mean, he was like a fantastic pianist. | ||
| I mean, it's really amazing to watch. | ||
| Did he ever date Leno? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| Tulano has a big chin too. | ||
| I've been around him for years. | ||
| I see how this crazy fuck works. | ||
| Did you guys hear about the unmarked graves in Florida at the reform school? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Go back to July 31st on my Twitter, Brian. | ||
| You'll find this story. | ||
| In Florida, a clash over exhuming bodies at a reform school. | ||
| There's this reform school in Florida, and they're called the White House Boys. | ||
| They were a group of men, and many of them now in their 60s and 70s, who were sent to this reform school when they were children. | ||
| And they remember beatings where people were beaten to death, where students there were beaten to death. | ||
| Like, they had... | ||
| They ran the place with an iron fist. | ||
| And when kids got out of line, they gave them frightening beatings and say they knew children who died from the beating. | ||
| So a few years ago, the state investigators said that they found no evidence that anyone at the staff of the school had been responsible for any student deaths. | ||
| But then these people, with the state's permission, they got a team of researchers and they used ground-penetrating radar Jesus. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So they thought it was 50 at first, and then people were freaking out. | ||
| And then they kept finding more. | ||
| The state reports said the 50 boars were believed buried in unmarked graves, but said that it would not be possible to identify and exhume the remains from individual grave sites. | ||
| So then they started admitting it, and that's when forensic anthropologist Aaron Kimmerley got interested in the story. | ||
| So they used ground penetrating radar, found a hundred fucking bodies, and now what's interesting is that the governor does not want them exhuming all these bodies. | ||
| They're trying to keep the lid on this shit. | ||
| They're like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| So the governor, Governor Scott, is fighting exhumation, but Kimmery and her team are supported by Florida's Attorney General, members of the legislature, and by Senator Bill Nelson. | ||
| This is incredible, man. | ||
| The state of Florida has the worst publicist in the world. | ||
| Everything out of Florida, it's never like great, like, hey, great stuff discovered in Florida. | ||
| No, it's either sinking into the ground, people killing each other, a hundred bodies. | ||
| A hundred. | ||
| A hundred bodies. | ||
| Unmarked graves. | ||
| Well, they're dead. | ||
| These people, this is all from like the 1930s and shit. | ||
| No, but like when it happened, like, hey, my son never came home from school. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Hey, my other son didn't come home from school. | ||
| I mean, I think you're dealing with, you know, probably decades of, you know, one a year missing, you know? | ||
| And they've 100... | ||
| Fucking bodies. | ||
| I mean, I guess it's more than that. | ||
| It needs to be more than one a year. | ||
| One every few months. | ||
| I mean, how many did they kill? | ||
| I mean, I wonder how long they were open for. | ||
| That's a good question, actually. | ||
| Let's say this. | ||
| Yeah, you would think somebody would be like, wait a second, there's been a hundred missing students in the last ten years. | ||
| Just what they call them, the White House boys. | ||
| Ooh, this is so creepy. | ||
| Just think about this group of men, many now in their 60s and 70s, who were sent to this school when they were children, who knew boys that had been beaten to death. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Brutal, brutal beatings. | ||
| Florida has a website or a Twitter account. | ||
| It's called Florida Man. | ||
| It's underscore Florida Man at Twitter. | ||
| It is maybe the best Twitter account ever. | ||
| It's all shit that dudes who live in Florida have been arrested for. | ||
| I mean, and it's updated all fucking day, every day, and it's awesome. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Florida Man tells police he has a gun, so they'll respond to his 911 call quicker. | ||
| Florida man to cops. | ||
| I'm not going anywhere until I get my weed. | ||
| It's humidity, man. | ||
| Humidity drives people crazy. | ||
| Florida man arrested twice in one week for sex with dogs. | ||
| Florida man taken to police station for driving without a license urinates on x-ray machine and detention officer. | ||
| Florida man stops to help woman after a motorcycle crash, steals her purse. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| I heard about that. | ||
| Did you hear about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| This woman was in a car accident. | ||
| She was trapped in her SUV. And this guy came up, just stole her purse, and then left her in there. | ||
| Florida man leaves six-year-old son in a crashed car because he thought his driver's license was suspended. | ||
| It wasn't. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Florida man crashed his car three times in one night of drunk driving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Three times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought it was possible. | |
| Oh, man. | ||
| People are awesome. | ||
| But Florida's just so strange. | ||
| It's just so strange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| There's a whole weird thing going on over there, man. | ||
| That old swampland. | ||
| It's like the devil's gooch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just swamplands and fucking... | ||
| They put Disney World there, but it's like... | ||
| Doesn't seem like Disney World should be in the middle of that state. | ||
| Well, you know what they said about Florida? | ||
| That within this decade, within the next ten years, they believe that Miami's going to be underwater. | ||
| This is like their most recent estimates. | ||
| They're worried that Miami and a lot of Florida, the ground is apparently very porous, and so it's not like New Orleans where you could set up a levee. | ||
| They're like, once that water rises, it's a wrap. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| So, I don't know if this is right, but if that's right, think about all those giant-ass condos that are on the beach in Miami. | ||
| Those are all... | ||
| It's going to be like Venice. | ||
| It'll be like Venice, Italy. | ||
| It'll be way greater than that because there's going to be no one in those things. | ||
| What are they going to do if all that's under the ocean? | ||
| Do you know how freaky it would be if you could drive a boat through Miami and see all these giant buildings in 10 years? | ||
| Do you think people wake up then and realize what the fuck is going on? | ||
| They're going to have to at some point. | ||
| People are going to be like, hey man, I think maybe we should fucking stop building right on the water. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| I think this water's coming up on us. | ||
| Oh, it's happening. | ||
| Do you see the videos of the North Pole that looks like a swimming pool? | ||
| No. | ||
| You haven't seen it? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| See, pull that up. | ||
| North Pole melting. | ||
| Wait till you see this. | ||
| They have videos of Greenland and these Manhattan-sized chunks of ice are falling off glaciers into the ocean. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's all happening right there. | ||
| It's like you can watch it every day. | ||
| I wonder how long... | ||
| I just don't even know. | ||
| I wonder when, like, common sense and technology are going to just butt heads. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people are just going... | ||
| They'll no longer be... | ||
| Eventually, there's going to be no longer debates about things. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, hey, is there global warming? | ||
| Well, here you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. | |
| And just diagrams and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, there's a... | ||
| You know, I mean, it's going to get realer as technology keeps getting better. | ||
| The arguments are all going to end. | ||
| H.G. Wells had a great quote that history is a race between education and catastrophe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Isn't that a great quote? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He wrote that shit in the 1800s. | ||
| It just shows you. | ||
| People saw trends for how crazy shit is a long time ago. | ||
| It's just like we're hoping that one day it's going to get to a point where it doesn't happen anymore. | ||
| But it seems like that's not how it goes. | ||
| How it goes is just you manage the chaos as much as you can while it's around you. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Supposedly a webcam. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of the melting? | |
| Yeah, it just slowly starts turning into a lake in this area of the North Pool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's see. | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| Oh wow, that's crazy. | ||
| That is so strange. | ||
| Wow, you're watching something that was completely covered in ice, and then all of a sudden it melts. | ||
| But we don't know if that happens every year. | ||
| Yeah, if it just went back to being frozen like two days later. | ||
| Yeah, maybe that was their summer. | ||
| Yeah, because you remember March of the Penguins? | ||
| There's that whole thing about it thaws out and then they fuck and then they go and have babies and shit. | ||
| And then it's freezing cold out, they have to hide the eggs. | ||
| Did you ever see that? | ||
| No, I didn't catch that movie. | ||
| It's a great movie. | ||
| It's an interesting movie, but it's a brutal existence. | ||
| These poor penguins, they have to huddle up together to block each other from the wind. | ||
| They just get together and stand up and the wind just whips them fucking 50 below zero and just... | ||
| They're just trying to cover their eggs with their feet. | ||
| It's so primal. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's amazing when you stop and think about what kind of environment that life is not just living in, but thriving. | ||
| Year after year, year after year, these things keep fucking in that same spot, keep making babies, keep walking miles across the ice to get to the ocean, keep surviving, and you complain when your internet goes down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Penguins, I mean, they're just born in negative... | ||
| Temperatures. | ||
| This is the suckiest spot on the planet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Is there a suckier spot? | ||
| Would you rather live in the North Pole or in the jungle? | ||
| South Pole. | ||
| North Pole or South Pole? | ||
| Jungle. | ||
| I live in the jungle. | ||
| I climb a tree. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Same shit? | ||
| They're both frozen, aren't they? | ||
| South Pole's frozen. | ||
| Like, Argentina. | ||
| Like, this glacier's in Argentina. | ||
| Why don't we hear anything about the South Pole? | ||
| It's always the North Pole. | ||
| Because that's where Santa lives. | ||
| South Pole? | ||
| Santa lives in the North Pole. | ||
| Who the fuck lives in the South Pole? | ||
| Antarctica's the South Pole, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's creepy down there. | ||
| Yeah, it's tricky. | ||
| They don't even... | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| They don't even really know what's going on down there, by the way. | ||
| Let's see, map of the world. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| That the anarchists... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And if you say to me... | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| Antarctica's down there. | ||
| People say to... | ||
| Like, I got a lot of criticism when we did the Dan Carlin podcast. | ||
| Like, you're so ignorant for a man who's 40 years old. | ||
| About some shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| I'm fucking honest about what I know and what I don't know, man. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of shit I don't know, but there's a lot of shit I do know. | ||
| There's no room for all of it, okay, goddammit? | ||
| You can only know so many things in this life. | ||
| It doesn't make you stupid because you don't know things, okay? | ||
| You know what it makes you? | ||
| You're interested in other shit, folks. | ||
| People have to get that in their head. | ||
| Just because there's certain data that you should have probably accumulated, but if you haven't, it doesn't mean you're stupid. | ||
| And people are so quick to call stupid on people. | ||
| There's plenty of shit that I've done that makes me stupid. | ||
| That's not one of them. | ||
| Yeah, South America. | ||
| It's below South America. | ||
| Antarctica is essentially the South Pole. | ||
| I just learned the other day that we're still in the Ice Age. | ||
| We are? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you look up Ice Age, we're still in that because it's a huge tens of thousands or whatever of years. | ||
| And because Antarctica and the North Pole And Greenland or something like that. | ||
| There's another one, or Iceland or Greenland. | ||
| Because these things exist, we're still in the Ice Age. | ||
| Until they melt, we're still in that. | ||
| Whoa, that's crazy. | ||
| Wow, I never even thought of that. | ||
| So until these frozen areas melt, we're still in the Ice Age. | ||
| So when the dinosaurs were around, there were no icebergs or shit? | ||
| I'm not sure about that. | ||
| I don't know whether that was in that period or not, of tens of thousands of years. | ||
| That's the hardest thing to wrap your head around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That this thing changes so often. | ||
| It's just constantly the oceans moving and changing. | ||
| When I was in Montana when we were hunting... | ||
| One of the things that was so weird was seeing seashells there. | ||
| You would climb these tall hills, and as you're climbing up, the ground is actually like silt. | ||
| It's silt because that used to be the ocean. | ||
| That used to be the great western inland sea. | ||
| So as you're walking around, you're walking in this real mucky, sort of clayish, muddy thing. | ||
| And as you're walking up it, you'll find seashells. | ||
| It's such a mindfuck. | ||
| Yeah, Joshua Tree, you're looking at these rocks sometimes. | ||
| It's like a movie set. | ||
| Because you're like, how's that a perfect circle? | ||
| How's that rock a perfect... | ||
| Who rolled that here? | ||
| How did this get here? | ||
| Well, you ever seen those rocks that they found? | ||
| I want to say Belize? | ||
| Belize stones? | ||
| I'm going to say Belize. | ||
| I loved that picture of you and the salmon that you caught, that giant hog of a salmon. | ||
| Your smile was ear to ear. | ||
| Ari and I caught a bunch of them, man. | ||
| Oh, you were up there with him? | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| Yeah, Ari and I, we did the Beartooth, I think it's called the Beartooth Lodge. | ||
| It's a badass place in Anchorage, and we went salmon fishing up there. | ||
| Did you eat those bad boys? | ||
| We didn't eat those, because when we went, it was a catch and release time. | ||
| They based it on how many salmon come through the weir. | ||
| The weir is like a salmon have to come into this box area and they count them and they let them through. | ||
| But right before we got there, we couldn't have asked for a better day. | ||
| Before we got there, there was like hundreds of salmon came through. | ||
| So it was like a crazy amount were in the river while we were there. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| They're so big. | ||
| It's weird though being up there and seeing moose everywhere. | ||
| Seeing moose and eagles and shit. | ||
| Alaska's amazing. | ||
| Have you been up there yet? | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| You guys got to do a show up there. | ||
| We're in the talks right now about it. | ||
| It's supposed to be, what, two days, four shows. | ||
| I don't know if... | ||
| Two days what? | ||
| Two days, four shows. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Do you remember where it was? | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| Fairbanks or Anchorage? | ||
| Anchorage. | ||
| Where are you going to go? | ||
| Do you know the place? | ||
| I don't know the place. | ||
| Two days of shows. | ||
| It'll be fun. | ||
| You'll have a great time. | ||
| People up there are cool as shit. | ||
| The girl that's booking it said that it's one of those places that they never have anybody come out there, so if anybody comes out, Everybody just goes to the show. | ||
| No matter if they're a fan or not. | ||
| They just want... | ||
| They find out about it because that's it. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's an awesome town, man. | ||
| There's something really cool about those people up there. | ||
| And I think part of it is because they're real bonded. | ||
| It's a real interesting kind of a community. | ||
| And they're very progressive, too. | ||
| We saw Christians for Equality, this big group of Christians for Equality. | ||
| They were standing on the corner with the gay flag, the rainbow flag. | ||
| And they were waving these signs and waving to people. | ||
| And people would honk at them when they drove by, agreeing with them. | ||
| It's kind of interesting. | ||
| You know, I didn't expect that in Alaska. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what my prejudices were. | ||
| I've never heard of that group before. | ||
| That says a lot about Alaska. | ||
| Christians for equality. | ||
| Normally Christians are very Christian. | ||
| Yeah, no, not up there, man. | ||
| It was really cool. | ||
| The shows were cool. | ||
| Everything about it was cool. | ||
| And it's just, you feel weird being up there. | ||
| If it's any trend how much Canada loves comedy the farther north you go, then it must be like heaven, comedy heaven up there because I love The few times I've been in Canada to do comedy shows, it's always been some of the highlights. | ||
| So I can't imagine what it's like farther north. | ||
| Do you do Seattle? | ||
| Yeah, I've done Seattle. | ||
| Seattle's fucking awesome. | ||
| They got a cool comedy scene there, too. | ||
| They have a couple comedy clubs now. | ||
| They got that Parlor Live, too, that place that's connected to a pool hall. | ||
| I just did the Moore Theater up there with Tom Segura last weekend. | ||
| Oh, it was fucking... | ||
| So fun. | ||
| Seattle's a great place, man. | ||
| I did that venue, I think, with Jeff. | ||
| Does it have church-like things on the walls? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, they actually just shut down to do some renovations, I think, to clean it up. | ||
| But it's amazing, man. | ||
| Segura's so fucking funny. | ||
| Yeah, he's very funny. | ||
| You guys got a show tonight, right? | ||
| Where you at tonight? | ||
| Ice House. | ||
| Ice House? | ||
| What time? | ||
| 10 o'clock? | ||
| 10 o'clock. | ||
| If you're listening to this shit right now, folks, you can get in your car and make it there. | ||
| And use coupon code RSS and you get two for one tickets. | ||
| Who's there tonight? | ||
| We got me, we got Tony. | ||
| Powerful Tony Hitchcliffe. | ||
| Tebow. | ||
| Jason Tebow, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Virginia Collins. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| Matt Edgar. | ||
| Make it end. | ||
| Make it end. | ||
| There's too much comedy. | ||
| Sertiana? | ||
| Sertiana, I think. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| Are you going to do a Nice House Chronicles as well? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, too much, right? | ||
| I'm oversaturated. | ||
| I know. | ||
| If you don't like me, folks, I don't like me either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about that? | |
| I'm tired of hearing me talk as well. | ||
| If you're like, Joe Rogan's everywhere, I don't even like being everywhere. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| You're like the opposite of Liberace, who wanted to fuck himself. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to fuck myself. | ||
| But you can go fuck yourself. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Show's over. | ||
| Let's get out of here. | ||
| You guys gotta go do your show. | ||
| Order Brian's new t-shirts, folks. | ||
| They're badass. | ||
| Desquad.tv. | ||
| Go and check them out. | ||
| Thank you to Onnit.com for sponsoring us. | ||
| Thanks to TonyHinchcliffe.com. | ||
| And you can get his new... | ||
| Are you going to get me one of those shirts? | ||
| Definitely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sweet. | |
| I'm going to make it a large. | ||
| I want the muscles to pop on it. | ||
| The new gluten-free Rogan. | ||
| Excellent! | ||
| Higherprimate.com is my t-shirt company. | ||
| Go to higherprimate.com and there's... | ||
| All sorts of t-shirts. | ||
| Most of them done by Mike Maxwell. | ||
| MikeMaxwellArt.com. | ||
| Badass dude. | ||
| Good friend of mine and an excellent artist. | ||
| Onnit.com. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN. Save 10% off. | ||
| We'll be back on Monday with the lovely and intelligent Abby Martin from RT. Sweet! | ||
| We'll try not to get too conspiratorial on you, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| We'll try not to be too doom and gloom. | ||
| When Abby Martin comes on, all these people that come on that are journalists, they scare the shit out of me with reality. | ||
| So we're just going to try to have fun with Abby. | ||
| Everybody wants her to be serious and fucking try to bring down a government man. | ||
| No one's going down. | ||
| Let's just have some fun and hang out. | ||
| So that's Abby Martin on Monday. | ||
| And we've got Jim Norton on August 12th. | ||
| So Jimmy was supposed to be here today, but he had a reschedule. | ||
| We got a lot of shit coming up. | ||
| And so thank you, everybody. | ||
| Thanks for all the Twitter messages and all the love. | ||
| And thanks for everybody who came out to the Moore Theater in Seattle. | ||
| We had a great fucking time. | ||
| We appreciate the shit out of you people. | ||
| And we'll see you next week. | ||
| Big kiss. |
Export Selection