June 11, 2013 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:40:29
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
I like how you do that there, you fella. | |
| I see what you did there. | ||
| Hey, everybody. | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| We're back. | ||
| Before we get going, we gotta get through our business points. | ||
| We gotta sell you on some shit that you don't want. | ||
| Or tell you about some shit that you've already heard about a hundred times before. | ||
| That's what we like to do. | ||
| We like to be repetitive and then bore the fuck out of you. | ||
| That way, when the podcast gets going, you're like, God, this is so much better than that fucking commercial. | ||
| It's the foreplay? | ||
| No, it's more the blue balls. | ||
| You know what it's like? | ||
| You know those insecure comics that would always bring terrible opening acts? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what that's like. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
| The commercials are our version of a terrible opening act. | ||
| One of our sponsors this week is Ting. | ||
| If you go to rogan.ting.com, they will offer you $25 off either cell phone service or one of their new Android phones. | ||
| Ting is a cell phone network that uses the Sprint backbone, but they have their own rules. | ||
| You don't have to have contracts. | ||
| They have great phones. | ||
| They have great deals. | ||
| Excellent international rates. | ||
| Brian had a A great time with them up in Canada. | ||
| It was like a fraction of what his AT&T bill was and he used it all the time. | ||
| The service is excellent. | ||
| It's not like a Mickey Mouse network at Sprint. | ||
| And they just have it set up so they buy time on Sprint and they give you a better deal. | ||
| They also credit you for unused minutes. | ||
| Like if you have a certain rate that you're going for a certain amount of minutes, If you use less than that, they knock you down to the lower number and then they credit you the difference on your next bill. | ||
| It's a super ethical company. | ||
| I like the idea behind it. | ||
| I don't like contracts. | ||
| I like the idea that you can get some of the best high-end Android phones, like the Samsung Galaxy S4 and the Note, that crazy fucking tablet phone. | ||
| They have that too. | ||
| So rogan.ting.com. | ||
| Save yourself some money. | ||
| Speaking of save yourself some money, ew, how gross it would be if that's how I did my commercials. | ||
| All serious like that. | ||
| Stamps.com is another one of our podcast sponsors. | ||
| If you buy any of Brian's t-shirts, you know, Brian Redband, who's not here right now, he's doing one of his comedy store podcasts. | ||
| He did all those Desk Squad t-shirts that you see with the kitty cat on them. | ||
| That's all his artwork, and he prints them up. | ||
| And then he sends them himself using Stamps.com. | ||
| And he openly says that if it wasn't for Stamps.com, there's no way he'd be able to do this because he'd have to wait in line at the post office and they have to measure each box and weigh each box. | ||
| It's annoying. | ||
| If you have a small business and you're trying to send things through the mail, Stamps.com is a fucking amazing resource. | ||
| You do all the shit on your computer. | ||
| You enter in the addresses. | ||
| You weigh it on a digital scale that they provide. | ||
| And when you print it out, you just stick that on your shit and then put it out for the postman and then you're done. | ||
| You don't have to go to the mailbox. | ||
| You don't have to weigh things and measure things in a line where a bunch of people are mad that you have all this shit. | ||
| If you go to Stamps.com, there's a microphone in the upper right-hand corner. | ||
| Click it. | ||
| Enter in the code word JRE and save yourself $110. | ||
| You get $55 in free postage coupons, free digital scale, and a bunch of other cool shit. | ||
| So that's stamps.com, and the code word is J-R-E. | ||
| And our last but not least sponsor for today is a new one. | ||
| It's LegalZoom. | ||
| I've never been in trouble with the law, Bobcat Goldthwait, because I'm a good boy. | ||
| I have been on many occasions. | ||
| Sure, of course. | ||
| I wonder if you could have used LegalZoom to get you out of trouble. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I set the Tonight Show on fire. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that, man. | ||
| Could LegalZoom help me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's see. | |
| Tonight Show on fire. | ||
| It was reduced to a misdemeanor. | ||
| I don't know what they ended up calling it, but yeah. | ||
| Could LegalZoom.com help a... | ||
| I wouldn't say I was an arsonist. | ||
| That was the thing. | ||
| It was part of a show. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| I was an artist, not an arsonist. | ||
| An arsonist doesn't try to hide it. | ||
| Or an arsonist, rather, would try to hide it. | ||
| They wouldn't do it on camera in front of everybody. | ||
| And they get horny, too. | ||
| And I was really relaxed in the whole thing. | ||
| They get horny. | ||
| I bet they do. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| Do they get horny? | ||
| Arsonists do? | ||
| Yeah, that's the whole thing. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| So what does LegalZoom do? | ||
| What LegalZoom does, it's not a law firm, but they provide self-help services at your specific direction. | ||
| They can also connect you with an independent attorney if you need additional guidance. | ||
| Now, if you go to LegalZoom, like everybody knows, going to a lawyer is very expensive. | ||
| And it's also very time-consuming. | ||
| And what they have done is sort of set it up so that You can go to LegalZoom and you can get businesses started. | ||
| You can incorporate, form an LLC, and you can do it for a lot cheaper than it would be to go to a lawyer. | ||
| You can legally protect your family and assets with LegalZoom. | ||
| You can write a will on LegalZoom. | ||
| In the past 12 years, over 2 million Americans have used LegalZoom and they've saved a ton of money. | ||
| The online process couldn't be easier. | ||
| And they'll take care of you from start to finish. | ||
| And you go to get a special discount from listening to this podcast. | ||
| Just make sure you enter Rogan in the referral box at checkout for more savings. | ||
| So remember, LegalZoom is not a law firm. | ||
| And they will provide you with a contact with an independent attorney. | ||
| They'll connect you. | ||
| If it gets squirrely and you're like, oh, I'm fucking going to jail. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| Just keep it together, bitch. | ||
| Three great ways to save money. | ||
| Could you get a divorce and then use stamps.com and then call the person and say, hey, did you get that divorce yet? | ||
| I'm in Canada right now and it's costing me a lot less. | ||
| I think you nailed it. | ||
| I think I got all your sponsors. | ||
| Take all her clothes and call stamps.com and weigh it on your scale and then send it to her. | ||
| And now that that's all done, I need a flashlight. | ||
| We don't use the flashlight anymore. | ||
| And a bonafide... | ||
| We've created a conundrum. | ||
| Oh no, I actually... | ||
| A bonafide spit take. | ||
| Miss a little, miss a lot. | ||
| I didn't realize. | ||
| Alright, I didn't want to bring up any sore spots. | ||
| Let's finish LegalZoom. | ||
| There's no sore spot. | ||
| It's all good. | ||
| Anyway, LegalZoom, for a will, it's only $69. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's a great deal. | ||
| You can't afford not to die at these prices. | ||
| You can't afford it at these prices. | ||
| It doesn't get any better, kids. | ||
| Now's the time. | ||
| I'm going to kill myself tonight because of these bargains. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself some money. | ||
| And we're always brought to you by Onnit. | ||
| But this commercial's gotten far too long, so I'm going to end it right there. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T is the company. | ||
| What do we sell? | ||
| fitness equipment and supplements and healthy food and bee pollen made from killer bee honey and hemp protein powder and all that good shit. | ||
| If you look at the website, use the code name ROGAN and you will save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I'm very fucking pumped for this podcast, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| I'll tell you. | ||
| I am too. | ||
| That is a tenacious beekeeper, though, that gets the honey from the killer bees. | ||
| That is, yeah, I like his sack. | ||
| Cue the music, Jamie. | ||
| The podcast begins officially. | ||
| Joe Rogan podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Check it out. | |
| The Joe Rogan experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| This is officially where the serious satellite part starts. | ||
| The other part with the commercials is only on the internet. | ||
| That's why it seems like we don't need the music. | ||
| There's probably a better way to do this. | ||
| It's probably a real momentum killer too. | ||
| Doing the commercials as a part of the city while someone sits there. | ||
| I gotta tell ya, I wouldn't mind if you did them through the show because grandpa's gotta pee a lot and the last time I was on I didn't know I could get up. | ||
| Listen, any time you need to pee... | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| I got a catheter this time. | ||
| Just drink a bucket. | ||
| Have you ever had a catheter? | ||
| No. | ||
| I bet it sucks. | ||
| Cheese and crackers. | ||
| Those are my two biggest things, is getting a catheter, which I got, so I'm over that. | ||
| And it really... | ||
| But by the time you need one, it's sweet relief. | ||
| It was the nicest thing anybody ever put in my pee hole. | ||
| By the way, the voice that you're hearing, that's Bobcat Goldthwait, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I'm playing Bobcat Goldthwait tonight. | ||
| This is Bob Scratch Goldfarb, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Thanks for having me back on. | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| Thanks for being. | ||
| I really fucking loved your Bigfoot movie, man. | ||
| Oh, thanks, man. | ||
| I watched it last night, and I was really psyched to watch it because I'm a Bigfoot dork. | ||
| I'm a Bigfoot dork from way back. | ||
| You know, I know that, but I also was a little... | ||
| You're the first person I gave it to that didn't see it with an audience. | ||
| I've been doing some screenings at film festivals and things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| And I thought it... | ||
| I was worried because I'm really happy you liked it because I didn't know if it would lose something sitting there by yourself. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Because it's fun to watch the movie with an audience. | ||
| I was in Baltimore and it was beautiful because it was a really... | ||
| Baltimore is great. | ||
| So a really mixed crowd. | ||
| And I mean all races and all working classes and stuff come to this festival. | ||
| So I'm sitting behind... | ||
| It was beautiful through the movie. | ||
| I was sitting right next to a couple of black guys who were beautiful. | ||
| They were going crazy. | ||
| Bigfoot. | ||
| Bigfoot! | ||
| I can't tell you which part, but I was like, mm-hmm, Bigfoot! | ||
| And they were yelling, and it made me so happy. | ||
| Well, I had to ask you about something before we got on the air, because it was such a creepy movie. | ||
| There were so many moments, and I didn't want to give away any spoilers, so I knew. | ||
| I'm like, I've got to ask him this before the podcast starts. | ||
| Well, yeah, so I try not to talk about some of the things that are revealed, but I do talk about a lot of the movie. | ||
| I'm really happy. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I mean, this is the first review. | ||
| I mean, I got a couple... | ||
| I shouldn't say that. | ||
| There's some nice reviews online, but that's really nice. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| And one of the things I loved about it is you were completely true to Bigfoot lore. | ||
| Like, you added in all the stuff that Bigfoot, like the knocking and the howling sounded exactly like a real Sasquatch, supposedly. | ||
| And I didn't go in... | ||
| To be snarky. | ||
| I mean, I think the movie's got stuff in it that's funny, but I wasn't trying to, you know, I wasn't trying to mock believers in Sasquatch. | ||
| I just, because of a couple of reasons. | ||
| One, I've always saw myself as an outsider, so why am I going to pick on one of the most picked-upon subcultures, you know? | ||
| I was talking to Dan Harmon, and we were breaking it down. | ||
| Like, in picked-upon or misunderstood groups, it goes like Ren Faire Enthusiasts, then it goes Taliban, And then Sasquatch enthusiasts. | ||
| As far as people will cut them some slack or try to understand where they're coming from. | ||
| Yeah, that's hilarious. | ||
| That's so true. | ||
| Poor Sasquatch hunters. | ||
| They don't catch a break ever. | ||
| Well, you know, I went to where the Patterson-Gimlin footage was shot. | ||
| And that was the germ of the whole movie for me, really. | ||
| It was me, since I was nine years old, wanting to go to that site. | ||
| And then I happened to make a movie. | ||
| But that's the reality of it. | ||
| I'd love to tell you I didn't well up, but I did. | ||
| I'm sure you did. | ||
|
unidentified
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Of course you did. | |
| I would too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| I don't believe in that footage. | ||
| I think that Bob Patterson footage is utter horseshit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| But why? | ||
| Well, this will be good. | ||
| Well, first of all, because there was a guy that says he did it named Bob Hieronymus. | ||
| Yeah, Bob Hieronymus. | ||
| But Bob Hieronymus can't find it on a map, though. | ||
| He can't find Bluff Creek on a map. | ||
| Or he couldn't. | ||
| I mean, he's gone, but... | ||
| Yeah, well, just because there's a lot of places I've been and I couldn't find out a map. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's true. | |
| I go home to Syracuse and I go, I know I lived here. | ||
| I know I lived on this street. | ||
| I know that's where Dougie Toole and I hit Danny with a shovel. | ||
| I went back to where I went to high school. | ||
| That sounds like I killed someone. | ||
| I want to clear that up. | ||
| I did not. | ||
| Where'd you go to high school? | ||
| Newton South, Massachusetts. | ||
| Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But you grew up in Jersey and Massachusetts? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Jersey was born. | ||
| Born, yeah. | ||
| But I lived in San Francisco. | ||
| It was a long story, but age 1 through 7, I lived in New Jersey. | ||
| 7 through 11, San Francisco. | ||
| 11 through 13, Florida. | ||
| And then 13 through 25, probably, New York. | ||
| Boston. | ||
| And then New York. | ||
| So 25, New York. | ||
| 27, LA. It keeps going. | ||
| It makes for an interesting person. | ||
| It makes you a very insecure child. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Were you the new kid every time? | ||
| Fuck everywhere, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, that's why I learned martial arts. | ||
| I got tired of people fucking with me. | ||
| Did they beat you up? | ||
| People always threatened to. | ||
| I got lucky that I avoided it. | ||
| But you're a funny guy. | ||
| I mean, didn't you use that? | ||
| I wasn't very funny. | ||
| I'm going to be honest. | ||
| I wasn't. | ||
| You could have had writers. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, you know, sometimes you got good delivery. | ||
| I wasn't comfortable enough to be funny. | ||
| I probably would have been funny around people if I got to know them really well, but around class, I wasn't very comfortable. | ||
| So you're really quiet, and then getting picked on, and then you learn how to kick ass. | ||
| But how often did you actually have to use it? | ||
| Never. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing, right? | ||
| I've gotten one fight in high school. | ||
| It was really quick. | ||
| I probably could have avoided it. | ||
| Sometimes I think about it, I could have avoided it. | ||
| And do you regret you didn't avoid it? | ||
| A little bit because I hurt the kid. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I didn't hurt him bad. | ||
| How long was this fight? | ||
| It was pretty quick. | ||
| But it was at a point where... | ||
| I was competing. | ||
| I was competing a lot in martial arts tournaments. | ||
| So this guy hit you. | ||
| He was going to. | ||
| And you took him out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With how many hits? | ||
| Okay, it was just one. | ||
| But that's kind of badass. | ||
| If you didn't know you could do that, you wouldn't respect it. | ||
| Well, it's also... | ||
| I probably did it to show off. | ||
| You know, I could have avoided it. | ||
| I could have avoided it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got you. | |
| Like, even though he's kind of a dick. | ||
| Got you. | ||
| He's also a young kid, just like me. | ||
| We're both retarded. | ||
| Yeah, and it's just your own squirting out of your ears. | ||
| Yeah, you make mistakes. | ||
| Sometimes you start things you don't even want to finish, but you're stuck in a quagmire. | ||
| Yeah, and was there people around? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That had to be the last fight. | ||
| I mean, no one probably messed with you after that. | ||
| Well, I mean, people are always... | ||
| If you are looking for trouble, you're going to find trouble. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I never looked for trouble. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But when you're in high school, there's unavoidable situations where you don't even want to be somewhere. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| In your life, you have control over what you choose to do for an occupation. | ||
| And who you're with. | ||
| But maybe my shape and everything protected me from... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, if you kick my ass, it's embarrassing. | ||
| Oh, you kick Goldthwait's ass? | ||
| Oh, big deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You kicked the fat doughy guy's ass? | ||
| Did your fist get stuck? | ||
| Was there suction noises? | ||
| But I never was like, I always wanted to avoid conflict. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You know, the only reason why I ever learned martial arts at all was so that I would be scary enough so people left me alone. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean like, and I always, there's a bit in my act about, you know, the voice of death and that's, you know, I'm going to kill you. | ||
| That guy's going to kill you. | ||
| You know, a guy who's like, I'm going to kill you! | ||
| He's just some dumb drunk jock that his buddy's got to pull him off so he doesn't get in a fight with you. | ||
| I've met so many scary people in my life, as far as physically scary people, especially all the years working for the UFC. The idea of running around in the same world as some of these people was fucking terrifying. | ||
| UFC fighters are very calm and they get it all out in the gym, but if you zig when you should have zagged and you run into the wrong person in the wrong time, like many people have, It's up to them whether or not you stay safe. | ||
| It's up to them whether or not they just beat the fucking shit out of you. | ||
| I've seen it happen to people before. | ||
| I saw a guy get knocked out in Denver. | ||
| I was at the Comedy Works in Denver. | ||
| It was a really cool place. | ||
| And I saw something happen that totally didn't need to happen. | ||
| Right. | ||
| said something stupid to the guy who was sober, but he wasn't a threat. | ||
| It was clearly not a threat. - Right. - But then the guy who was sober just beat the shit out of him. - Right. - And you can tell the dude was totally impaired, and the other guy was stronger, more athletic anyway. | ||
| He was just looking for an excuse to beat the shit out of somebody. | ||
| Yeah, he just wanted to beat someone up. | ||
| It's like the heckler figures out they're going to heckle in the guy who gets in a fight, you know, before they even leave the house. | ||
| I mean, I really believe that. | ||
| Some people do, yeah. | ||
| I think a majority of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think a majority of them. | |
| Well, I don't know how we went from Bigfoot to ass-kicking, but that's all right. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| But, you know, it's like I'm not proud that I have the ability to really... | ||
| And I'm not known for this. | ||
| I mean, a lot of folks aren't familiar that I do stand-up. | ||
| But, you know, that I can really decimate someone in the audience. | ||
| I can really. | ||
| I bet you can. | ||
| Really bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, sure. | |
| And, in fact, I truly don't usually even... | ||
| My daughter, my new wife, the 09, my exes, they all... | ||
| You call her the 09? | ||
| The 09, yeah. | ||
| Still got the new car smell. | ||
| So the 09, they see this switch go on and they leave the room. | ||
| They get uncomfortable and it's just like... | ||
| And I'm really not proud of that. | ||
| It's a horrible skill, you know? | ||
| Well, it's a defense mechanism for doing stand-up, I think. | ||
| But, like, you don't even... | ||
| I mean, when it gets going, I truly don't know. | ||
| I mean, you talk about the comedy works, man. | ||
| It was this... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You know how people will yell out where they're from? | ||
| And there's this horrible night there. | ||
| And I love the comedy works. | ||
| I think that's probably, if not the best club. | ||
| It's one of the best in the whole country. | ||
| But one of those, you know, horrible shows. | ||
| And people go, do the voice! | ||
| Do the voice! | ||
| You know, they want me to do this voice from how they know me from years ago, and I'm not doing it. | ||
| And then this woman in the back of the room, she goes, I'm from Aurora! | ||
| And I go, I know, you've learned to sit in the back. | ||
| And I truly didn't think of that in advance, you know, and I felt... | ||
| Did I feel bad? | ||
| It was such a weird response that even the crowd kind of didn't even go, whoa! | ||
| They kind of just pretended they didn't hear it because it was so weird and horrible. | ||
| But I really kind of, the switch goes and I say things. | ||
| And I'm not saying I don't take responsibility for them, but I'm usually later on kind of surprised that I said it. | ||
| I berated a table full of women this one night. | ||
| And they were very, you know, they were acting like the show was all about them. | ||
| I just berated this table of women, and then one stood up sobbing, and she's like going... | ||
| By the way, I forgot even what I said. | ||
| And it was a couple of minutes later. | ||
| By the way, people love these kind of stories, and they love watching it. | ||
| I mean, a bar's never emptied out. | ||
| They go, two guys are getting along in the parking lot. | ||
| Let's watch. | ||
| So I'm up there, and this woman stands up crying. | ||
| She goes, I'm not a whore. | ||
| It's my birthday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| These are the things I'm not proud of. | ||
| Do you think that that comes from doing stand-up in bars around Boston to building that defense mechanism? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| In Boston, that was the hardest, hardest place to do stand-up comedy. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| But when I got started, it created so many unique characters and so many... | ||
| You know, I got started and it's like, you know, who came out of that group? | ||
| It was like, you know, Lenny Clark and Dennis Leary and Stephen Wright and Barry Crimmins and, you know, just all these different unique voices that came out, my friend Tony V. And so... | ||
| It was really tough to do comedy, Paula Poundstone, but you were forced to have your own voice. | ||
| You guys were ahead of me, and when I first started doing comedy and started doing open mic night, I was really aware, because of all you guys, what a crazy scene it was. | ||
| Yeah, it was. | ||
| I mean, it was really... | ||
| For so few places on earth, people hate this on my podcast. | ||
| Oh, they're going to talk about Boston comedy again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| No, it's not sorry, because Bill Burr and I have had these conversations. | ||
| I'll tell one or two Boston stories. | ||
| It's an amazing place. | ||
| I think I touched on this on your podcast, and I really rarely talk about it. | ||
| I don't drink, I don't take drugs, but I don't tell people about it. | ||
| But I just did. | ||
| But I haven't since I was 19 years old. | ||
| So this story is that long ago. | ||
| I started doing comedy when I was 15. I got on a letter when I was 20. So this is like a story when I'm 18 with Lenny Clark and all those guys. | ||
| And we boarded up the doors and the windows at the ding-ho with cardboard, right? | ||
| And we're just drinking and doing piles of blow. | ||
| And all night, and then the door opens, and it's like smoky and backlit because the sunlight's pouring in, and it's a bunch of cops come walking in, and I'm just high and gacked out of my mind, and I'm going, I'm going to jail. | ||
| I'm going to jail. | ||
| That's all I'm thinking. | ||
| And the cops go... | ||
| Lenny, you fucking cocksucker, how are ya? | ||
| And they sit down and they start doing blow. | ||
| Oh no! | ||
| Yeah, and I'm like, there is no... | ||
| There's no God. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Up is down. | |
| You know. | ||
| We would do... | ||
| It was a Chinese comedy club and we would... | ||
| Ding-ho. | ||
| We would cut lines on the ribs. | ||
| You know, the pork ribs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We'd be in the freezer chopping lines on those orange pork ribs, the ribs, the red ones, you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You would do lines on those? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It'd be a flat surface. | ||
| And then I'm just thinking like these families that get served up. | ||
| Oh my god, blow-covered pork ribs. | ||
| Junior's bouncing off the walls. | ||
| Whenever we go to the ding-ho, he's so animated. | ||
| Now this was like in the 80s. | ||
| Did you guys get real coke back then or was it all chopped up still? | ||
| I think we were getting high, yeah. | ||
| No, but you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I don't know the difference. | ||
| I've never done Coke. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Well, I did it, and like I said, I stopped everything when I was 19. I know people don't believe that. | ||
| The folks who do it, though, will tell you there's like Rockstar Coke, like Pure Coke, which is amazing. | ||
| And then there's like... | ||
| You know Tom Sawyer from Cobbs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Tom will tell you, like if you talk to him about old school, like Rockstar Coke. | ||
| Well, I've talked to some of the... | ||
| Boston Comics, who were like, you know, I didn't quit because I got sober. | ||
| I quit because the shit got bad. | ||
| The coke got bad. | ||
| Like, they were disappointed in the quality of a blow. | ||
| I wasn't getting fucking high anymore. | ||
| Apparently, it's a very different experience. | ||
| If you get, like, real cocaine, 100% pure cocaine, it's a very different experience than what a lot of people are getting is speed. | ||
| You're getting like Coke mixed with some sort of amphetamines. | ||
| No, because I had done speed and it didn't affect me the way that Coke did. | ||
| So that's my Pepsi challenge. | ||
| I guess it's very scientific. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They cut it with things. | ||
| I don't know what they're cutting it with. | ||
| The baby laxative and vitamin B. Yeah. | ||
| That's a big one with XDC. They cut it with speed, apparently. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Speed. | |
| Sometimes you don't get all pure X. You get a bunch of funky amphetamines in there. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So what we're trying to say to the kids. | ||
| Don't do bad coke. | ||
| So you guys were doing it with the cops? | ||
| With the cops. | ||
| I mean, there would always be stories like that. | ||
| You know, a guy would steal some guy's joke and then somebody's arm would get broke. | ||
| I mean, it was not... | ||
| I mean, really, that's the reality of it. | ||
| Well, Dane Cook was on the podcast when he and I were talking about how the guys who were doing comedy were men. | ||
| Like Kevin Knox and Lenny Clark. | ||
| These big men. | ||
| These, like, manly... | ||
| And it was a very... | ||
| Squeeny. | ||
| It was just very aggressive. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Don Gavin. | ||
| People are going, oh, you're in Cambridge, and they're imagining that we've got pipes, and we've got patches on our sweaters. | ||
| Yeah, you're coming out with one of those suede jackets with the Indian tassels. | ||
| I was more like an overstepped chair, and we're sitting there talking about... | ||
| No coward references and stuff. | ||
| But no, it was pretty down and dirty. | ||
| But it was the best place to train. | ||
| Because you were ready for it. | ||
| The heckles were insane. | ||
| The violence. | ||
| It really is weird to think about how much comedy and violence was in that scene. | ||
| It was a crazy scene. | ||
| I'll try to keep some of the people out of this story, but one of the guys I was with one night, you know when someone's partying and the switch is thrown and they become Gorgo, you know what I mean? | ||
| They're just not themselves completely, you know what I mean? | ||
| And one of our buddies insisted that he and I were Vikings. | ||
| And he was really... | ||
| The commitment he had to this character was he was a Viking and he was holding me in a headlock. | ||
| And he wouldn't let me go. | ||
| And to the point where it got creepy. | ||
| Like he was just dragging me around the bar. | ||
| It was funny and then it went for a long time. | ||
| And I couldn't do anything. | ||
| He was much larger than me. | ||
| And then Barry Crimmins, I remember at the time, had a cast. | ||
| And the guy who had me in a headlock, who, by the way, is a friend, he just had a rough night that night. | ||
| He says, and Grimmins goes, he goes, let him go. | ||
| And he goes, and the guy goes, hug me or hit me. | ||
| And Grimmins goes, that was the fastest decision I ever made in my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he just popped him with the gas and broke his jaw. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| So that's comedy. | ||
| Yeah, it was crazy. | ||
| It was mayhem. | ||
| It really was. | ||
| I came just behind you guys, and one of my big regrets was that I never got to perform with the Ding Ho, because it was so legendary. | ||
| Well, it was because the comics were in charge, basically. | ||
| The booking and all that stuff. | ||
| So it was, yeah, it was crazy. | ||
| Well, that's sort of how the comedy store used to be, except for the booking aspect of it. | ||
| You know, the comics were never in charge of the booking of it. | ||
| But there was no real crowd control. | ||
| It was all comics working in the booth. | ||
| Comics would work at the door. | ||
| The comedy store was like, it's all comics working there. | ||
| Well, this was pretty much mayhem. | ||
| This guy, Shun Lee, he ran the ding-ho. | ||
| And he talked to me maybe twice. | ||
| One night I go out on stage and I'm doing my character and, you know, I'm full bore. | ||
| And then I stop and I say, you know, hi, this is my real voice. | ||
| I'd like to gut and clean some fish tonight. | ||
| Does anyone have any fish? | ||
| You know, really straight, I'm saying this, and my roommate raises his hand, and he pulls out this big fish. | ||
| Now, the fish had been in the trunk of his car, so it was rancid. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| So I just gut the fish and gut entrails, fish entrails all over the stage, and this woman just contact vomited. | ||
| As soon as she smelled it, it was just like... | ||
| So I... So, I'm a professional. | ||
| I put the mic right down to her so you can hear her retching over the PA. Oh, Jesus. | ||
| So, this chick's puking up. | ||
| There's fish gut vomit all over the front of the stage. | ||
| And then I go, well, thank you. | ||
| Good night. | ||
| And so, the next guy... | ||
| Was Bill Campbell around when you were a girl? | ||
| This guy, a really sweet guy, but his act is talking about relationships. | ||
| You know, men, go to... | ||
| It's just guts and fish. | ||
| And he goes... | ||
| So his act is destroyed because of this kind of stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I remember Bill Campbell. | |
| Yeah, very nice, wholesome kind of act. | ||
| And then I did this. | ||
| And then Sean Lee, the first time he talked to me, he pulls me over to talk to him. | ||
| He goes, Baba, you weird. | ||
| You weird. | ||
| I said, Bobby, you're weird. | ||
| Wow, what a great boss. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Bobby, you're weird. | ||
| I still did the second show. | ||
| Don't do the fish. | ||
| Don't do the fish? | ||
| No more fish. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| But yeah, so it was... | ||
| What year did the ding-ho end? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was gone by the time it met its demise. | ||
| When did you bail? | ||
| When were you out of Boston? | ||
| I went to San Francisco. | ||
| It was all pretty quick. | ||
| I got on Letterman. | ||
| It was in the early 80s. | ||
| Really, I was half in and half out of the different cities of San Francisco and Boston. | ||
| I was in 82, maybe 83. I started in 88. Oh wow, so it was way after. | ||
| Yeah, the Boston comedy scene. | ||
| When did it really start? | ||
| When was the birth of it? | ||
| It was before I got there, and I got there at the end of 80, probably. | ||
| Did you see Fran Salamita's documentary? | ||
| Oh sure, yeah. | ||
| I'm a little bit in that. | ||
| It taps some of it, but there's still stuff that was... | ||
| I mean, he did a great job. | ||
| But it wasn't Raw Dog. | ||
| Well, there's just some things in there that, you know. | ||
| Well, the one thing that's funny is that I watched that movie with Lenny Clark, and part of the story is that these guys don't like me because I get on Letterman, you know. | ||
| And that was true. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And they got really mad because I'm, you know, I don't know, younger than them. | ||
| I come in from Syracuse. | ||
| I get on Letterman, like, you know, probably in a year or so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I would have been pissed too. | ||
| And Lenny and I are friends, actually. | ||
| We're going to do a project together. | ||
| But at the time, Lenny was really pissed. | ||
| He was throwing me into a wall. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It's not your turn! | ||
| Yeah, what is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was a thing with that place. | |
| It was almost like a union gig. | ||
| It's like you didn't put in your seniority. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So that became part of that movie, but I sat there and watched it with Lenny, and we just kind of laughed together. | ||
| I watched it with my daughter, too. | ||
| It was really great for my daughter. | ||
| It was really cool to have her watch that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, I have a pretty good experience. | ||
| I'll tell a good story, if you don't mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, please. | |
| So, my daughter is a costumer. | ||
| She works in commercials and movies and stuff, and I'm very proud because she's taking a creative life, and she does great work. | ||
| We work together, and my wife and I, we all work, and everybody works when I make a movie, all my friends and family. | ||
| But I get this text from my daughter. | ||
| She was working on that project, and it says, Maybe I shouldn't say this one. | ||
| Oh, fuck it. | ||
| I'm in the middle of it. | ||
| So she says, Dad, I have a disaster. | ||
| She says there's a text. | ||
| She goes, I have diarrhea and I went into Russell Brand's dressing room and I'm using his toilet and he doesn't know I'm in here and he just came back in. | ||
| And she's trapped in the bathroom? | ||
| Yeah, and I have to go back to the set. | ||
| Oh, my goodness. | ||
| She says, what do I do? | ||
| I go, make him feel uncomfortable. | ||
| Just open the door and go, hi, Russell Brand. | ||
| I had to change my tampon. | ||
| Shark week. | ||
| And so my daughter texts back, Dad, you're great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love you. | |
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| Now, she thinks I'm trying to help her out of an uncomfortable situation, but really I'm going, what can I have her say so Russell Brand won't try to fuck her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER That's hilarious. | |
| That's exactly what you would think too. | ||
| Because of course I'm going, this is bad, this is bad. | ||
| In the bathroom. | ||
| She thinks I'm being cute. | ||
| What if he hypnotizes her? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you know, and that's his thing, you know. | ||
| And then I'm like, and then I go, what happened? | ||
| And she goes, nothing. | ||
| And I'm like, my feelings are hurt too. | ||
| I'm like, well, he didn't try? | ||
| Which makes me a creep. | ||
| I don't know, it's weird. | ||
| What was the motivation for making this Bigfoot movie? | ||
| Because this is like completely, for me, I mean, I found out about this like three weeks ago. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And also folks who, if they're familiar, a lot of folks don't make I Make Movies, but it's completely different than like World's Greatest Dad or God Bless America. | ||
| It's a lot different than Shakes the Clown. | ||
| Shakes the Clown was fucking great. | ||
| Oh, thanks, man. | ||
| That's a fucking great movie. | ||
| Tom Kenny and I, whose name drop is now the voice of SpongeBob, is Binky the Clown in that movie. | ||
| And he's, again, cocaine. | ||
| San Francisco stand-up. | ||
| But I've known Tommy since I was six. | ||
| We were introduced by a crying nun at St. Matthew's. | ||
| Well, we weren't introduced. | ||
| Tommy tells the story better, but he says this fat kid's dragged behind this nun who's just sobbing. | ||
| And she drags me into his classroom and goes... | ||
| Because we were in two different first grades. | ||
| She's like, I can't take him anymore. | ||
| And she left me in this class. | ||
| And I was so... | ||
| I felt horrible. | ||
| I was so embarrassed. | ||
| I started crying too. | ||
| But he thought it was cool that I could make a nun cry. | ||
| So he introduced himself at lunch. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, we're both... | ||
| I'm 51. He'll be 51 in July. | ||
| So, yeah, I've known Tom Kenny. | ||
| He's Binky the Clown. | ||
| Him and I were watching a shake. | ||
| They showed shakes recently, and people showed up as characters, and they know the dialogue, and there's clown whores there. | ||
| These women were dressed as slutty clowns. | ||
| And in the middle of it, Tommy leans over to me, and he goes, what the fuck were we thinking? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, we're going, what is this movie about? | |
| And the crowd was really eating it up. | ||
| It was like that Shatner sketch on SNL. We were like, get a life! | ||
| We were really wigged out by the... | ||
| But, you know, if you make a movie, you better be willing to talk about it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because even my small indie films that I do under the radar and they play festivals, you're going to talk about them for the rest of your life. | ||
| So you better kind of stand by it. | ||
| And that's part of this movie was that I've always been fascinated with Bigfoot. | ||
| I've always been super interested in the Patterson-Gimlin footage, you know. | ||
| And so it wasn't that long ago. | ||
| The 09, she's like saying... | ||
| She knows me. | ||
| She goes, go, go. | ||
| Go to your Bigfoot. | ||
| So I put about 1,400 miles on the car just in California, just driving around famous sites, talking to different people until I made it all the way up to Willow Creek, you know? | ||
| And so you did this just to sort of form the idea in your head? | ||
| Yeah, well, I had a different movie in my head, which I still think I'll write, because I thought it... | ||
| One of the things that's fascinating about Sasquatch is it's a good... | ||
| Everybody... | ||
| I wanted to do a thing that kind of... | ||
| This isn't this movie, but I had an idea for a movie that kind of took on faith and religion and everything, and I thought maybe I'd set it in the Sasquatch community, because there's people that just believe, and there's people that believe and see, there's people that are shysters, there's people... | ||
| I mean, so it's a really good, you know, it's a good analogy for religion. | ||
| But, you know... | ||
| I don't know where you sit on the pointy head or less pointy headed Bigfoot. | ||
| Isn't that funny that you brought that up? | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Because I saw this guy go over to another guy at a conference and the guy's got a cardboard head with a big pointy headed Bigfoot and the guy goes, you disgust me. | ||
| He goes, look at that head. | ||
| He said, you disgust me? | ||
| Look at that like he knows. | ||
| Yeah, and the other dude goes, really? | ||
| I've seen Bigfoot three times and you're never going to see him because you smoke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| You said that to him? | ||
| Yeah, and I was like going... | ||
| That's pretty gangster. | ||
| Yeah, and I also said, wow, this is beautiful. | ||
| You know, this is really amazing. | ||
| It's like, so subcultures are fascinating to me. | ||
| I love the fact that you can get into discussions and go down these crazy rabbit holes with everybody. | ||
| And I do. | ||
| You know, here's the thing. | ||
| When you say you believe, that means people say you're no longer impartial. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| But I'm gonna, but everybody has, you know, so I'm not impartial. | ||
| I do believe that there's a Sasquatch out there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Or I should say Bigfoot, plural. | ||
| You went there. | ||
| You said, I believe there's a Sasquatch. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, look at my career, what's going to happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People can say, Bobcat Goldthwait's weird. | |
| That is one of those subjects, though, where it's like UFOs or psychics or something along those lines. | ||
| As soon as you start talking about it, you're almost immediately a silly person. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm already a silly person. | ||
| I'm so far off the radar. | ||
| I do what I like to do. | ||
| It's free, right? | ||
| It's freedom. | ||
| Completely. | ||
| About seven, eight years ago, I really just kind of quit. | ||
| I stopped being in stuff that I was embarrassed of. | ||
| I still do something if it's nice and the bread's there, but for the most part... | ||
| I just quit. | ||
| I stopped trying to get jobs. | ||
| I didn't want to get discovered. | ||
| I stopped writing movies for other people that I wasn't getting paid for, that I thought they would like. | ||
| I stopped all of it. | ||
| Fortunately enough, Jimmy Kimmel... | ||
| Hired me to direct his show. | ||
| And that's a big deal. | ||
| That's a huge deal. | ||
| Because, you know, I mean, people... | ||
| We did the Spell Show a little bit as well. | ||
| I did a little Chappelle. | ||
| We ran into each other in Manhattan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, that was weird. | |
| That was weird on the street. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, totally random. | ||
| And so I worked on Chappelle. | ||
| But working for Jimmy, you know, it kind of just gave me this freedom. | ||
| It was nice that someone believed in me, you know, when pretty much I... We've become, and still have possibly, but a punchline. | ||
| Well, we talked about it before the podcast, during the commercials, the thing with the Tonight Show. | ||
| That was the big thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, well, there's that. | |
| You lit the chair on fire. | ||
| And just this persona people had an assload of. | ||
| And just, you know, and I didn't even, you know, I got really frustrated because I was just being famous for being famous. | ||
| And this is before... | ||
| The digital age. | ||
| I just got really tired of being like, you would book me on a talk show, I'd go crazy, and people would be happy. | ||
| And I really was just so over it. | ||
| Really destructive. | ||
| Were you rebelling against the Police Academy movies and that sort of box that you were put into? | ||
| It's that, but also it's rebelling. | ||
| Truly, I think the real thing was that I was, you know, Leno was nice enough to have me on, and then I saw this pattern that I may have become a regular, and I've never really discussed this. | ||
| That terrified me, the idea of being successful on that level. | ||
| Because it's easier to be a guy who never tried, and then you're in some dopey teen comedies, and you can criticize what everybody else does and be bitter. | ||
| But to really put, you know... | ||
| To really put your cock on the block and say, this is who I am. | ||
| This is going to be my material. | ||
| This is the movies. | ||
| This is the products that say who I am. | ||
| That's terrifying because then you're out there to be judged. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| So it's almost like you have a self-destructive quality because the idea of success was just too much pressure. | ||
| Because then I'd have to actually pony up and actually, oh, so you've been criticizing X, Y, and Z? Well, what do you do? | ||
| So I was really trying to not... | ||
| It was kind of funny because I was trying not to be on TV anymore and I said that the night show on fire and then immediately I get booked on every show. | ||
| People think I was banned from other shows. | ||
| I wasn't even banned from the night show. | ||
| They actually had me on a week later. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| It's very fascinating. | ||
| It's funny, I was just writing this thing. | ||
| You know, I toured with Nirvana as a comedian. | ||
| And there would be times where, you know, I was... | ||
| It was a few nights where I was sitting up with Kurt and, you know, We were exchanging stories, like, you know, him showing up in drag in a gown for a headbanger's ball, and nobody getting that. | ||
| You know, that's pretty funny, especially it was funny to him, because he's getting asked to go on a metal show, so he thought it'd be funny to show up in drag, and everybody's, like, going, this guy, hmm. | ||
| You know, and especially because he wasn't running around in lipstick going, wah! | ||
| You know, he just was comfortable in the drag, so it was, you know, and he's talking about how nobody would get him, you know, and it was really funny, and then, you know, like, I'd smashed up the Arsenio Hall show, did way more damage on that show. | ||
| I remember that, too. | ||
| Yeah, I wrote Paramount sucks on the back of it, because they had fired him, basically, and they gave him a raw deal, and It was just me trying to end it. | ||
| I really related more to rock than comics. | ||
| I just kind of kaboo. | ||
| Were you upset though? | ||
| Did you feel like you were getting pushed into some family box and it wasn't representing you as a real visionary, as a real comic? | ||
| A little of that. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I think the character would cloud people from hearing anything I was saying. | ||
| I loved Meet Bob. | ||
| I got it when I was like, when did it come out? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was just starting out. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| I don't think people understood that I actually had material. | ||
| I think they just saw me in Police Academy. | ||
| That was what I was going to say. | ||
| It was really good comedy. | ||
| It was really good stand-up. | ||
| And I think a lot of people I remember just thought you were like the crazy actor guy. | ||
| Like a lot of people didn't know. | ||
| Like you didn't just have stand-up, you had like really smart stand-up. | ||
| It was really good stuff. | ||
| But it was weird because I think I helped perpetuate it. | ||
| Of course I possibly It's kind of funny when you go on stage and you do this. | ||
| Persona, even people who are rolling their eyes start laughing, so it's hard to jettison it, especially when you go on the road and they're expecting it. | ||
| It's weird to get pigeonholed. | ||
| I just stopped. | ||
| I was on the road and I realized, oh, I don't dislike stand-up. | ||
| I hate this fucking character. | ||
| Do people totally expect it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And they still do. | ||
| Do the voice! | ||
| And they get mad. | ||
| But it's just, I gotta be me, as corny as it sounds. | ||
| I feel you. | ||
| But you gotta quit. | ||
| There's this weird thing in our society where it's like you can't quit. | ||
| And that's where you find when you're happy. | ||
| You say, oh, this isn't working for me. | ||
| I thought, oh, this isn't working for me. | ||
| So you end up in a place where you go, oh, this is what's working for you. | ||
| Unfortunately, you end up there usually about 45. Well, there's a lot of people that never abandon that act, and they hang on to it. | ||
| Does Judy Tenuta still do stand-up? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She had a great act. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| My wife and I brought up the old night, and I brought up Judy Tenuta today on the plane, because I did The Gathering of the Juggalos. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And we were wondering if they booked the wrong acts on purpose, so we were putting together a lineup like it was going to be Paula Poundstone and Judy Tenuta. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Amy Mann at this year's Gathering of the Juggalos. | ||
| Amy Mann. | ||
| Did you ever see the... | ||
| Yeah, I've seen it. | ||
| I've seen it when they had public sex. | ||
| What do you mean Gathering of the Juggalos? | ||
| There's a movie called... | ||
| American Juggalo, I think is the name of it. | ||
| No, I've just watched clips on the internet. | ||
| You saw Tia Tequila get hit with poo. | ||
| Did she really? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| They threw poo at her? | ||
| They ran out of Faygo Cola, so they started throwing poo at her. | ||
| Oh my god, like dudes were shitting in what, cups and stuff? | ||
| No, they knocked over. | ||
| Knocked over a porta potty? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it wasn't like Gigi Allen. | ||
| Oh my god, so it was someone else's poo? | ||
| Yeah, which is, that's my point. | ||
| Look, I'm going to digress here. | ||
| Oh, that's her on stage, and they're throwing poo at her right now? | ||
| Like, hypothetically, let's say you or I, I give it up. | ||
| Look, she stays in there. | ||
| Oh, poo is flying at them. | ||
| She stays up there. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| That shit just hit her legs. | ||
| I love that she's, like, sitting there going, you know what? | ||
| A couple more minutes, I'm going to win her back. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| You got to give it up. | ||
| And she grabbed her crotch. | ||
| Oh, and they're still throwing shit at her. | ||
| Is that all shit, or is it some of the beer? | ||
| I think some... | ||
| No, it's Faygo Cola. | ||
| It's the soda they like to throw. | ||
| But, um... | ||
| Like, here's my point. | ||
| If you were walking down the street and you hit me with dog poo, right? | ||
| Like, you saw something through it. | ||
| It wouldn't be a deal-breaker, but I'd be mad. | ||
| I'd be like, Joe, what the fuck was that? | ||
| And you'd go, I don't know, I thought it was funny. | ||
| Yeah, we'd laugh it off. | ||
| But if you hit me with, like... | ||
| You know, like hobo dude. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like some poo from a person. | ||
| That would be the deal breaker. | ||
| I'd be like, you fucker, I've got hep C in my eye now. | ||
| Really swift. | ||
| Yeah, human shit is way more terrifying than animal shit. | ||
| Did you ever see Gigi Allen poo? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, and then he starts throwing it at people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they get out of their way like military strifing. | ||
| Like when people fire. | ||
| Something about human poo is way worse. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| You don't want it on your clothes. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you get dog shit on you, you just hose it off. | |
| But I did the Gathering of the Juggalos. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And the opening act, Upchuck, the clown. | ||
| It's trying to calm my nerves. | ||
| They're their own security, so there's no security. | ||
| It's just juggalo law on this huge piece of property. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So, and there's... | ||
| So it's just madness. | ||
| Yeah, there's fires going on and fireworks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my gosh! | |
| People are always lighting fire, too. | ||
| Like fireworks. | ||
| Like the way people light cigarettes, like casually. | ||
| I saw a lot of that. | ||
| It was really funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my gosh. | |
| Where people don't jump out of the way. | ||
| It's like some bath salts. | ||
| What is it like for you? | ||
| Wandering around amongst these people. | ||
| Are they freaking out? | ||
| No, because... | ||
| I think... | ||
| Well, they... | ||
| No, they're... | ||
| Sometimes I get recognized. | ||
| For the most part, I don't get recognized. | ||
| But it was... | ||
| You know... | ||
| We took a golf cart through the whole thing. | ||
| And like I said, there's fights and people... | ||
| I don't know what they were doing, but maybe you might know what this is, but suddenly people would drop. | ||
| There'd be a group of people and then you'd just see them drop. | ||
| Like they were puppets and someone cut their strings and they just hit them. | ||
| Like a choreographed thing? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Whatever they had been doing would just suddenly... | ||
| Like a bunch of them would just drop? | ||
| Yeah, it'd be like three or four of them. | ||
| Obviously, they had just ingested or did something, and then all of a sudden, you just see them go... | ||
| Like dominoes. | ||
| And then they get up, and it was... | ||
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| Oh my... | ||
| Whatever it is is not good. | ||
| Yeah, well, so... | ||
| So, you know, it's... | ||
| It's... | ||
| I understand the idea of the Juggalos, by the way. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You know, I get it. | ||
| It's a certain sect that's pissed off, and it's a certain group of people, and they do have this sense of community and family. | ||
| I do try to be open-minded. | ||
| And by the way, they were very nice to me, I should say that. | ||
| That's a very good way of putting that. | ||
| But while we were... | ||
| You know, Upchuck's trying to convince me that it's not that scary of a gig. | ||
| And he's driving me around on this golf cart. | ||
| And he's like, you know, you got this huge clown. | ||
| Everybody's kind of either... | ||
| Some guys are cut in clown makeup. | ||
| A lot of them are obese. | ||
| Men and women. | ||
| It's really like an incest survivors convention. | ||
| Like, you know, nobody's going to touch me anymore. | ||
| So this guy just jumps out of nowhere and starts punching people. | ||
| Upchuck on the golf cart. | ||
| He's running along and hitting him. | ||
| For no reason? | ||
| He's like, fuck you, Upchuck! | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Fuck you, Upchuck, specifically? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| And he's gunning it. | ||
| So we lose the guy and he's like, I'm here every year. | ||
| You know, they know me. | ||
| I'm like family. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| Okay, so then... | ||
| He punched him in the face? | ||
| Punched him right in the face. | ||
| And then he took it, like, in the shoulder, and then by the time we got him, he got him, like, one leg in the kidney on the way out, like, left. | ||
| He's hitting him hard? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, real punches, real punches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| So now he's climbing like I was a little smudgy, too. | ||
| He's trying to convince me this. | ||
| Can of Faygo, the first can of Faygo comes in, poof, and it just sprays all over us, and, uh... | ||
| And he's so familiar with getting hit with fagocola, he goes, it's diet, it's not gonna stain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I swear to God, he really said that sometimes. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| So then one comes in, and the 09's got it on camera. | ||
| She had a sports setting on her camera, so the shutter's like faster. | ||
| So we've got this shot, it's like the Zapruder film, we got this can of soda, This guy does a baseball pitch and you see it whizzing seconds before it hits upchuck right in the temple. | ||
| Carack. | ||
| And he just slumps over and he goes... | ||
| He slumps over the wheel and he goes, I'm hurt. | ||
| I'm hurt bad. | ||
| By the way, he's mid-sentence. | ||
| He goes, you know, something like that. | ||
| When the soda hits, that could have happened out of Dave Matthews. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Correct! | |
| And he slumps over. | ||
| He's like, I'm hurt. | ||
| I'm hurt bad, Bob. | ||
| He's calling me Bob so I know he's really fucked up, not Bobcat. | ||
| And I think he was out for a second. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| So he hits the gas, and now... | ||
| Yeah, that's Upchuck. | ||
| Yeah, that's Joel. | ||
| And so it was like the golf cart I was on. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| How old were you when this was going on, by the way? | ||
| This was just now. | ||
| This was last summer. | ||
| So 51 years old. | ||
| 50? | ||
| 50 years old. | ||
| 50 years old. | ||
| And so Upchuck... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's now full throttle, and I'm steering. | |
| Steer! | ||
| And we're whizzing through the crowd like Mr. Toad's wild ride. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's juggalos diving out of our way. | |
| And then, oh, I love this. | ||
| This is actually beautiful. | ||
| You know, he was concussed. | ||
| His eyes were all fucked up. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| And we just went back to the trailer, and we're just being really quiet. | ||
| And then he puts an ice-cold Faygo on his side of his head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| For the swelling, because he's going, look. | ||
| He's like, am I bleeding? | ||
| I go, I don't know where the makeup starts and what's blood. | ||
| I don't know what's right. | ||
| A fucking can of soda to the head. | ||
| That's hard. | ||
| And then I'm not going to... | ||
| He may or may not... | ||
| It looked like he was doing some sort of stimulant after that, too. | ||
| Because it's, you know... | ||
| Now, were you worried about your safety while this was all happening? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Once I got in, yeah, you know, and by the way, I'm no stranger to hijinks. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Says the man who lit the Tonight Show couch on fire. | ||
| You know, my wife says, I have good ideas and bad ideas, and I don't know the difference. | ||
| It's just ideas, and I treat them with enthusiasm. | ||
| I may or may not have lit a quarter stick of dynamite in my backyard when I lived up... | ||
| I think it was a half a stick. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Half a stick? | ||
| Yeah, and it blew up this watermelon that shot all the way, like three floors up. | ||
| It was... | ||
| That story goes and gets kind of gory. | ||
| But I digress. | ||
| So I'm no stranger. | ||
| So like something explodes and my wife goes, is that an M80? And I'm like, no, that's dynamite. | ||
| So I go up and I'm like, hey, where's my party people at? | ||
| No, I actually did a fine set. | ||
| By the way, the crowd was 1 o'clock, I hit the stage. | ||
| They like the tenacity. | ||
| If you can actually hang, they're there. | ||
| My oldest brother was a biker, so I'm kind of familiar with... | ||
| Kind of outlaw behavior. | ||
| It's never that, you know, freaky to me. | ||
| And it seems like it's sort of an agreed-upon thing at this sort of a place. | ||
| If you're gonna hang out with a bunch of people that are partying and they're calling themselves the juggalos, you know, some soda's gonna fly through the air. | ||
| It's gonna be some craziness. | ||
| Right, you can't get mad about soda, but... | ||
| Up to the point of violence. | ||
| But what you... | ||
| The problem is, is if there is no... | ||
| There's no law. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a little lord of the flies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, some dude, they thought he was stealing, so they physically... | ||
| I don't know what happened to him, but they tore his car apart. | ||
| Like, just dismantled it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, so it's a little lore of the flies. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| And I got paid in a plastic trash bag full of 20s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That's actually kind of badass. | ||
| Yeah, and then the cops are just at the lip, just taking people to jail. | ||
| They had a bus. | ||
| So we pull out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the cops are going, what's going on? | ||
| I go, look, I got a bag full of money. | ||
| My name's Bob Cat Goldthwait. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| I was big in the 80s. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Nothing weird. | ||
| You guys, whatever you want to do. | ||
| I'm completely straight. | ||
| And they actually found that really funny. | ||
| That is funny. | ||
| So they were looking for people to be drunk driving. | ||
| And then they open up my bag of money and they're like, I should do comedy. | ||
| And they're all busting my chops. | ||
| But yeah. | ||
| Were they looking for drunk drivers or drugs? | ||
| Oh, just people high out of their minds, anything. | ||
| I mean, they were just popping everybody that pulled out of the street there. | ||
| I like what you said about it being like a community and there's a lot of positive things to that. | ||
| There is. | ||
| So, I mean, I tell this story and I laugh and stuff, but was it any different than when I went to see the Allman Brothers with my brother Tommy and he was tripping on acid and his brother, his brother biker, who's still alive, Big Mitch, It was a Green Beret, and we're going to see the Allman Brothers, and he suddenly thinks everybody going into the concert is Charlie. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| It was the best ever. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| Probably like 78. Oh my God. | ||
| And I'm just like, oh. | ||
| You know, sometimes when things go crazy, that's the other thing about me. | ||
| During Mayhem and Chaos, I'm actually super calm. | ||
| It's because you've been around it so many times. | ||
| No, but like everyday life will flip me out. | ||
| Like you were talking earlier, the line in the post office, I can't handle correctly. | ||
| I get upset and stuff. | ||
| But mayhem, I get really calm. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, like a deer jumped out in front of us when we were up in Willow Creek and I just said to my wife, I go, just stop the car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She goes, what do you think I'm doing? | |
| I get all zen, Danny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| That's pretty funny. | ||
| That's better than the other way. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But I know what you're talking about, about freaking out about lines and stuff like that. | ||
| If you can't just stand still and relax, you know, like in a line and then nice and slow, it's probably like an ADHD thing, right? | ||
| When people are actually really freaking out. | ||
| Well, it's the, you know... | ||
| The 09 calls me a misanthrope. | ||
| And I think that is not correct. | ||
| Because I think what upsets me is I actually kind of have... | ||
| I think... | ||
| I try to think the best. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Even though I make movies where I'm shooting people and all these weird things, I do kind of give people the benefit of the doubt. | ||
| I truly do. | ||
| When she said that, she goes, you're a misanthrope. | ||
| And I said, you only say that because you're a person. | ||
| And she's always afraid that I'm going off the grid because at night she calls it my lake porn. | ||
| She comes in and says, what are you looking at? | ||
| It's just me looking at this 80 acres. | ||
| On a lake? | ||
| Yeah, it's got its own creek. | ||
| Oh, are you looking at houses? | ||
| I'm going to get the generator going. | ||
| Oh yeah, go off the grid. | ||
| Dude, you and me. | ||
| I think about that shit all the time. | ||
| Go off the grid? | ||
| Just squatch all day? | ||
| Just squatching. | ||
| Just set up a few gifting boxes. | ||
| No, you went squatching. | ||
| Yeah, I went for this new show I'm doing. | ||
| Did you start it? | ||
| Yeah, the show starts airing July 16th on the Sci-Fi Channel. | ||
| It's called Joe Rogan Questions Everything. | ||
| And one of them is Bigfoot. | ||
| I've had a Bigfoot fascination since I was a little kid. | ||
| When I was a little kid, I was camping in the Pacific Northwest with my stepdad. | ||
| And there's a dude who was up there who was a trapper. | ||
| And he had, like, these animal skins and shit. | ||
| He was killing animals, like bobcats, which I didn't think was kind of creepy at the time. | ||
| I think that's really creepy. | ||
| Well, I was only seven. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| I meant me. | ||
| And he told me about all these people have had these Bigfoot experiences up there. | ||
| And the way he was describing it, I barely remember. | ||
| It's like a really whispery memory. | ||
| But I remember that's what started me off. | ||
| I was always into monsters and shit when I was a little kid. | ||
| I loved horror movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So then I started reading up on Bigfoot, and then I watched the Patterson footage. | ||
| Eventually I saw In Search of Bigfoot. | ||
| In Search of is the one that turns everybody around. | ||
| Did you see Boggy Creek? | ||
| Yeah, I saw it. | ||
| I think that had it. | ||
| Boggy Creek, I didn't go back and revisit it, but I think that movie probably had a lot to do with my movie, Willow Creek, actually. | ||
| I got addicted to that show, Finding Bigfoot, too. | ||
| Have you watched that at all? | ||
| Sure, sure, sure. | ||
| Actually, Cliff and Bobo showed up. | ||
| I showed the movie up. | ||
| I went back up. | ||
| I showed it to the folks that are in it, because, you know, a lot of actual folks from the Bigfoot community are in the movie. | ||
| I mean, and... | ||
| And how can we sell this movie? | ||
| I mean, I'm just starting to play... | ||
| Without saying anything about it? | ||
| Well, I've just started playing festivals. | ||
| The thing that I'm really happy is Bigfoot folks seem to really like it. | ||
| Like Cliff said, this is the best Bigfoot movie he's ever seen. | ||
| Listen, this is a great horror fun movie. | ||
| It's a great fun movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I say really true to Bigfoot. | ||
| I try not to be cheesy. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I didn't want those guys to not like us. | ||
| I don't want to talk too much about this movie because I don't want to give any of it away because I want people to see it. | ||
| It's you or me? | ||
| Oh, can I tell you one quick story? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| I'm having a blast. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| Thanks for being on. | ||
| I'm having a blast, too. | ||
| So you've got that American Werewolf in London, which I love that movie. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| So that blew my mind when I saw it. | ||
| Now, where did you get that? | ||
| There's a guy named Pat McGee. | ||
| He's a special effects guy, and he designs, if you go to McGeeFX.com, he designs a couple different things, like he does an alien, like from the movie Alien, and he just reconstructs life-size replicas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a mold and he uses yak hair and it's an incredible detail. | ||
| One of the many, I don't know if you've ever heard this myth, but one of the many myths about the Patterson-Gimlin footage is that it's John Landis in the suit. | ||
| Have you ever heard that? | ||
| No, I haven't heard that. | ||
| Okay, so I've heard this. | ||
| And so one morning, and I love American Werewolf, I love Animal House and all that stuff. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| John Landis is brilliant. | ||
| But I don't know him. | ||
| So I get a hair up my ass and I'm like, I gotta get to the bottom of this. | ||
| So I shoot my agent an email and I say, got this idea for a TV show for John Lannis myself. | ||
| Total lie. | ||
| I said, can you get me his email? | ||
| And so she gets me his email. | ||
| So I write him an email and I'm going to read it to you because he and I had this exchange and I say, Hi John, I'm writing an article about the Patterson-Gimlin footage. | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| I'm just lying. | ||
| Thank God he's a nice guy. | ||
| And was wondering, would you be kind enough to let me interview... | ||
| Okay, so I go on and on, and I say, I want to clear up the rumors that John Chambers made the suit and that you were wearing it. | ||
| So, quickly, I get this email back. | ||
| Dear Bobcat, I am definitely not the guy in the Bigfoot suit in the Patterson-Gimlet footage. | ||
| What publication are you writing an article for? | ||
| How did you get my email address? | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| But I sent him back and we went back and forth and he was really cool actually. | ||
| I think he's probably tired of answering that question. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| One of his early... | ||
| He did a great movie. | ||
| It's called Schlock where he's in a gorilla suit. | ||
| You've probably seen it. | ||
| Is it like a gorilla with a space helmet on? | ||
| No. | ||
| And it's a kind of famous image and... | ||
| And it's him directing the movie in the gorilla suit with the space element. | ||
| Really? | ||
| There's a photo of me directing Shakes the Clown in a clown suit. | ||
| I'll never be in something I direct again. | ||
| And I'm dead serious and everyone's laughing and I look like such an asshole with no sense of humor in a clown suit. | ||
| So it's called Schlock? | ||
| Schlock, yeah. | ||
| Never heard of it. | ||
| Yeah, let me double check. | ||
| But yeah, it is called Schlock. | ||
| But so I'm a big fan. | ||
| I wasn't coming from, again, yeah, Schlock. | ||
| I wasn't coming from a big snarky place. | ||
| I sincerely am a fan of Landis and stuff. | ||
| But I thought there's a lot of Bigfoot rumors that I kind of thought, well, maybe I can use, you know, my connections. | ||
| Not that I have connections, but, you know, I could just... | ||
| Prove some of the things, you know, like get into the John Chambers suit. | ||
| You know, John Chambers is the guy who was in Argo who did the Planet of the Apes. | ||
| You know, there's a rumor that he may have built the suit, and he did make a Bigfoot, but his Bigfoot I've seen, and it's, you know, so whatever. | ||
| It is a rabbit hole. | ||
| Well, it's a rabbit hole, but it's also a rabbit hole where a guy says he did it. | ||
| His name's Bob Hieronymus. | ||
| He walks just like that. | ||
| He took a lie detector test and passed. | ||
| He also was a con man. | ||
| So was Robert Patterson. | ||
| Robert Patterson also went to jail for writing a bad check to pay for the very camera that filmed that footage. | ||
| Yes, and he could go even deeper, actually. | ||
| Yeah, the con man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Look, my belief in the Patterson footage, it boils down to the gait. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| It boils down to that knee and that leg. | ||
| You've been listening to a bunch of knuckleheads, trust me. | ||
| That's a guy in a monkey suit. | ||
| Let's play it. | ||
| Let's play it. | ||
| We'll go over it. | ||
| It's a guy with a football pad, football shoulder pads on, in a gorilla suit. | ||
| Explain to me this. | ||
| Explain to me this. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm not confronting you. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But why... | ||
| This is just a more... | ||
| This isn't like proof, but this is a weird thing. | ||
| Why did... | ||
| They go to the trouble to give it breasts. | ||
| There's a stabilized one. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| Why did they... | ||
| That was Abraham Zapruder who shot that too. | ||
| This one look. | ||
| There's a couple things. | ||
| If you notice, I want people to pay attention when you watch this video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But what about... | |
| Why does it have breasts? | ||
| That, to me, is the weirdest thing. | ||
| Why doesn't it have breasts? | ||
| But if they couldn't make a suit like that in that time, and why would they take the extra thing? | ||
| There wasn't four-way stretch fabric that looked like fur at that point. | ||
| I'm not sure if that's entirely true. | ||
| You've been listening to a lot of knuckleheads. | ||
| And I also think that it's ridiculous to say, why would they make... | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That looks like a man in a fucking monkey suit. | ||
| You've been listening to a lot of dingbats. | ||
| That's what you've been. | ||
| Yeah, you wackadoo, you. | ||
| Look at it move. | ||
| That is a man. | ||
| That is not a man. | ||
| That is not compelling to me. | ||
| That looks like it's a man. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah, the gate looks like a dude with a big load in his pants. | ||
| He's wearing a diaper. | ||
| He's got football shoulder pads on. | ||
| It's all fucked up, stupid outfit. | ||
| And I think you're looking at it from... | ||
| You know, the problem is, here's the problem. | ||
| I can mindfuck myself. | ||
| The problem is, if we play it back over again, I go, that's fucking real. | ||
| Yeah, man, look at the calf. | ||
| The movement in the calf. | ||
| I'll look at his ass. | ||
| Back it up a little bit. | ||
| Let's watch it again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just look up calf. | |
| I'm going to try to mindfuck myself now. | ||
| Here, I'm going to mindfuck myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ready? | |
| Oh my god, I think it's real. | ||
| Let's see if I can mindfuck myself. | ||
| When it goes back and forth like that, that's only... | ||
| You've got to play yackety sax. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Penny Hill goes out and slaps. | ||
| Look at it walk. | ||
| Let's zoom and stabilize on the Bigfoot. | ||
| I wish I could mindfuck myself, but I can't. | ||
| I try. | ||
| I try, but it looks so stupid. | ||
| I think it's so funny to you that you look at that. | ||
| It's like he's got slightly longer hands, like he's probably got some artificial hands in the suit. | ||
| And if you watch this, look up Bob Hieronymus, Bigfoot walking. | ||
| I am fascinated. | ||
| There's some footage of him split screen with Bob Hieronymus walking on one side of the screen and the Sasquatch. | ||
| And God damn it, Bob Hieronymus was a big gangly Sasquatch looking motherfucker. | ||
| Let's take a look. | ||
| And he passed a lie detector test. | ||
| Yeah, but that's not valid. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean when the guy walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. | ||
| He told the story so many times he started believing it. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| He might have O.J. Simpson the whole thing. | ||
| I think you can do that to yourself. | ||
| I believe it 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You believe what? | ||
| That you can do that to yourself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| My memory of my childhood is so goddamn foggy. | ||
| You know, I could go one way or another way and start telling a story about it one way. | ||
| And then by the time I get 10 years down the line, I don't even fucking remember what really happened. | ||
| Your childhood is so bananas. | ||
| Do you spend time trying to piece it together, or do you move past it? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Well, I mean, it's pretty nuts, the moving around, and I've heard you talk about it in the past. | ||
| The moving around was nuts, but the really nutty thing was the martial arts. | ||
| Competing and going and competing in martial arts tournaments throughout my high school years. | ||
| That was the nuttiest thing because I was a child and I was having martial arts competitions against grown men. | ||
| My instructor was crazy and he made me fight grown men when I was 15. So like from the time when I was 15 till I was 21, all I did was full contact martial arts tournaments. | ||
| That was way scarier than anything. | ||
| It was almost like I was so scared of growing up and I was so scared of being an adult and And I was so scared of just interacting with people and fitting in in any place because I was always the new kid and always moving. | ||
| I was so scared of fitting in that I just decided to do something way harder than that. | ||
| So I didn't have to think about that. | ||
| I tried to do the most obscure, crazy, scary thing to me. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| It's kind of sad to hear this. | ||
| No, it's not sad. | ||
| It worked out great. | ||
| It was sad if I had to go back and be myself as a child. | ||
| It was often sad as a child, but ultimately it worked out. | ||
| I mean, it's not sad to go through tough experiences and develop character. | ||
| I don't think that's sad. | ||
| There's a lot of people who came out a lot worse than me. | ||
| It was fine. | ||
| But when did the comedy come about? | ||
| That's the part that's weird. | ||
| The comedy came about from gallows humor, from going to tournaments. | ||
| I used to make my friends laugh in the locker room. | ||
| I would make my friends laugh on buses and planes and shit. | ||
| I would be the guy who was trying to crack the ice because we were all terrified. | ||
| And I wasn't insecure around them. | ||
| The guys that I trained with, it was probably the first time in my life I felt confident enough to talk out about things and make a joke about things and not get told to shut the fuck up or someone's going to kick my ass. | ||
| Moving from town to town when you're the new kid, it's like you always have to defend yourself. | ||
| You're always dealing with the local bully and it's a constant thing. | ||
| So when I started doing martial arts, these guys all knew me, so I was comfortable around them. | ||
| So then I would make fun of shit to lighten the tension because everybody was scared. | ||
| Because when you go to tournaments, it was just fear. | ||
| The bus was filled with fear and everyone's scared. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| Weighing in is scary. | ||
| And then every now and then one of us would get knocked the fuck out. | ||
| You get head kicked and you deal with your friend. | ||
| Just got concussed in the thing that you do for zero money. | ||
| And you go back in the bus. | ||
| Go back in the bus. | ||
| He's got an ice pack on his head. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Black eyes and shit. | ||
| It was common. | ||
| And the parents are around? | ||
| Do you call the family? | ||
| No, they were all adults. | ||
| I was the only child. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, until some kids came along when I was like... | ||
| 19 and 20, there were some kids that joined up that was like 17 and 18, but for the longest time I was really young. | ||
| Did you have any social life? | ||
| Zero. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| No partying, no drinking, no nothing. | ||
| I had a couple friends from high school. | ||
| And my best friends actually went to the school that was the other school. | ||
| And what about women? | ||
| Did you have girlfriends at all? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I had a girlfriend. | ||
| Almost ruined me. | ||
| My first girlfriend. | ||
| Because as soon as they started having sex, I just didn't want to train anymore. | ||
|
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I was like, why would I go do that? | |
| This is way more fun. | ||
| Does everybody know about this? | ||
| Yeah, it was ridiculous. | ||
| I was like, this sex is way better than martial arts. | ||
| Getting my face punched in. | ||
| Having my nose shoved into my brain. | ||
| Yeah, it was always a struggle. | ||
| We were talking about Patterson before. | ||
| I suddenly became a shrink on you. | ||
| I think it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. | ||
| It's a duck. | ||
| I want you to watch this. | ||
| This is Bob Hieronymus walking and then the Bigfoot. | ||
| Bob looking and turning just like the Bigfoot. | ||
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| Put that guy in a goddamn monkey suit. | ||
| I don't think it's a mistake that the knees aren't shown here, honestly. | ||
| I mean, if you look at the knees and the way the calf goes up... | ||
| You ever walk with ice skates on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know how ice skates don't bend right? | ||
| You have to pick them up and make an exaggerated walking motion. | ||
| What the Bigfoot looks like to me is a dude with a suit on. | ||
| That's got crazy feet on the suit and he has to walk a certain way because they don't bend. | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| I'm not giving way too much about the movie, but there is footprints in the movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You shouldn't even say that. | ||
| You shouldn't have said that. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, really? | |
| Yeah, stop. | ||
| Stop right now. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Make people... | ||
| Because there's so much about this movie that's so badass. | ||
| If your movie sucked, I'd let you keep talking. | ||
| But your movie's too good. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| You'd let me shoot myself in the foot? | ||
| Don't do it, goddammit. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| So I'm just here to plug Hot to Trot tonight? | ||
| It would be beautiful if a guy who's a con man just happened to be the first guy to actually see Bigfoot and film it. | ||
| It would be fascinating. | ||
| Well, don't you feel that way about being a comedian? | ||
| Now, you went out, and where did you go? | ||
| We went to the Pacific Northwest, but we're not going to fake anything. | ||
| No, no, no, but I mean, but if you find something, they're like, oh, it's Joe Rogan, you know? | ||
| Yeah, no, absolutely. | ||
| That's how I feel about it. | ||
| Like, I'm going up to Oregon and talking to Cliff, and we're going to go out, but I also feel like I taint it, you know, the idea that if we find anything... | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think you're just like me, and I think your feeling about it is genuine. | ||
| I think it's a fascinating subject. | ||
| It's very possible that it's bullshit, but it's also very possible that it's not. | ||
| Let's throw it all out and say it is fake. | ||
| What is it about the subconscious through thousands of years that people continually see these things? | ||
| I mean, why is it, you know, and Teddy Roosevelt tells a story of, you know, why does it keep showing up over and over? | ||
| Let's finish that. | ||
| Teddy Roosevelt tells a story in his book about a camp that he was out where a guy killed a wild man. | ||
| Or a wild man killed a man. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And everything was destroyed. | ||
| But so, like, all these stories that keep showing up, I don't... | ||
| I'm interested too in that. | ||
| Like what is it in part of our subconscious? | ||
| What part of why do these archetypal characters keep showing up that happens to be a man in the woods? | ||
| Could it be simply as keep your kids away from bears? | ||
| Or is it something bigger? | ||
| Or is it an 800 pound wood ape? | ||
| I mean, you know, it's all fascinating. | ||
| There's so many different things to consider when you say something like that. | ||
| It's like, first of all, you have to consider that it's probably a conglomeration of a bunch of things. | ||
| And one of those things being that everyone's afraid of the unknown. | ||
| And when you look out into that dark woods and you just say, what the fuck is out there? | ||
| This is when you said that I started getting creeped out for the first time, by the way. | ||
| And I was in the woods... | ||
| 17 miles down a dirt road. | ||
| 11 hours from LA north. | ||
| Then we go to Willow Creek. | ||
| Then you drive about 40 minutes to Orleans. | ||
| Then you drive up this road. | ||
| Then we drive two and a half hours down a 17 mile dirt road to get to the location. | ||
| So there's no phones. | ||
| There's no planes going over. | ||
| So two mountain lions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Two mountain lions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Two. | |
| And I put the actors in the tent in that scene and they're going, hey man, why are we here? | ||
| Man, we could do this in a parking lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so true. | |
| But they couldn't. | ||
| No, because it was, you know... | ||
| It feels fucking real. | ||
| There's nothing about... | ||
| Don't say any more, goddammit. | ||
| You already said some shit. | ||
| Motherfucker, stop talking about it. | ||
| But it is... | ||
| I am happy that people like it, that it is scary, that there's laughs, and it was the most fun I had making a movie. | ||
| Going down a dark road and getting into the woods of the Pacific Northwest, it will give you this new appreciation of how ridiculously wild that area is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the idea that we have an accurate account. | ||
| Did you get, like, a buzz when you start, like, when you're around the trees? | ||
| Oh, from the trees, yeah. | ||
| There is, right? | ||
| Or am I turning into a moonbeam? | ||
| There's a feeling. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Well, they're energy. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Trees are alive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the oxygen that they make, you get this weird buzz. | ||
| I was not frightened. | ||
| Everybody else was kind of frightened. | ||
| I didn't realize this about myself. | ||
| I just dropped my trowel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm walking around in my underwear, jumping in the river. | |
| Is that where you want to get a lake house? | ||
| Yeah, or even I'm fine with a river now. | ||
|
unidentified
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You're squatching. | |
| That's what you're doing. | ||
| You want to go up there and go squatching. | ||
|
unidentified
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I just... | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And I don't want to... | ||
| I'm not a prepper. | ||
| I don't like that attitude. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| Because it's like... | ||
| I don't like these preppers. | ||
| It's like this weird end of times or Christian Judeo BS that they're buying into. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| The world... | ||
| If we've learned anything about the world, it's not going to go out with one big bang. | ||
| You know, it's just like, you know, things are going to fall apart, but it's not going to be anarchy. | ||
| I don't know why so many people in every movie is about, you know, a Scientologist saving the world. | ||
| I think we've been through several of those in history. | ||
| I think we're better at understanding it now because we have the written word and we have history and we have all these different stories of the past of civilizations that have deteriorated back when people didn't really have access to books and knowledge. | ||
| I think it's some weird sort of hopelessness that's just... | ||
| And I don't buy it. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I think human beings are so resilient and... | ||
| Or there is the Carlin bit. | ||
| Maybe the Earth needs plastic. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| As a species, I mean, I think that we probably will carry on, but it's really easily conceivable that some natural disaster could happen that could wipe out most of the population of Earth. | ||
| All you need is one big Yucatan-sized meteor that hits. | ||
| True. | ||
| And we're done. | ||
| And there's hundreds of thousands of those floating around. | ||
| Not like three of them. | ||
| But I'm not... | ||
| I think I'm more of an optimist. | ||
| I think when you just prep and decide to go underground, I want to go out in the woods because I like the quiet. | ||
| I like the smells. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But everybody else with me was just completely flipped out of their mind. | ||
| Mine's like this intern. | ||
| This is a tiny crew and he's like, hey man, what's the difference between a bobcat and a mountain lion? | ||
| We saw two of them. | ||
| Where'd you see them? | ||
| One in Willow Creek just walking across the street and then one... | ||
| Were you in a car or were you driving? | ||
| We were in a car for one, but the other one was right where we were filming and... | ||
| And he goes, hey man, a bobcat and a mountain lion, what's the difference? | ||
| I go, bobcat's stocky, and he's got a short tail, and a mountain lion's tall, and he's got a long tail. | ||
| He's like, yeah, I saw a mountain lion. | ||
| And I go, where? | ||
| And I'm like, you know, this is like a, I'm Werner Herzog making Fitzcarraldo. | ||
| I'm like out of my mind and I go, where? | ||
| And he goes, to the left. | ||
| I go, to the right, fellas. | ||
| There's a real problem with them not allowing them to hunt mountain lions anymore. | ||
| Well, mountain lions I'd found out later on are badass. | ||
| They're scary. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| They're cats. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if you run, you're a 200 pound mouse. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's just going to take you down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they go after people on bikes for that very reason. | ||
| They can't help themselves. | ||
| It's a mouse, yeah. | ||
| And so, like, you on a bike with a light is a laser pointer. | ||
| And so, I was like, how close were you? | ||
| He goes, about five feet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| And if you've ever seen him, by the way... | ||
| Because the one I did see, and I have big balls, I was in a car, but the one I saw was huge. | ||
| It's a lion, and they just walk, and he was walking with a purpose across the road. | ||
| Like, I'm sure he's about to eat something. | ||
| It's a real problem. | ||
| California's banned hunting of them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And some places are banned use of dogs. | ||
| You need dogs to hunt them, because otherwise you'll never find them. | ||
| But what happens to the dogs? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| The dogs bathe them. | ||
| They bark, they get them up a tree, and then the person comes along and shoots them. | ||
| Sometimes dogs get attacked, though. | ||
| Yeah, that's part of that story. | ||
| I'm not so happy about that either. | ||
| Now, when you went in the woods, did you have a gun? | ||
| There was a guy with us that had a gun. | ||
| Yeah, everybody kept saying, oh, you got a gun? | ||
| You should have a gun around mountain winds. | ||
| I know, I know, I know. | ||
| Now you know. | ||
| Now I know. | ||
| We had a ranger with us. | ||
| He's also a Bigfoot Robert Lederman. | ||
| He's a ranger and he's a Bigfoot enthusiast. | ||
| He's a really sweet guy. | ||
| Huge help on the movie, actually. | ||
| And... | ||
| And, you know, it's like 3, 4 in the morning, and he's like, you know, I'm a writer, too. | ||
| And I go, oh, really? | ||
| I go, what do you write? | ||
| He goes, you know Twilight? | ||
| I go, yeah. | ||
| I write a tween novel set in the Bigfoot world. | ||
| It's a coming-of-age story, like Twilight. | ||
| So two Bigfoot hunters fall in love? | ||
| Young Bigfoot. | ||
| A young Bigfoot falls in love with a person? | ||
| No, no, people fall in love in the world. | ||
| I go, what's the name? | ||
| He's like, Yeti or not? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, and I'm like, I go, this is... | |
| This is... | ||
| My air hose. | ||
| You're like, this guy is the only thing to keep me alive tonight. | ||
| Yeti or not, oh my god, that's hilarious. | ||
| I was very happy that he liked the movie. | ||
| Again, you know, these were folks... | ||
| In the community. | ||
| Yeah, Stephen Stufford up in Bigfoot Books, if you saw that in the movie. | ||
| This is the last thing I'm going to say about it. | ||
| The howl. | ||
| The howl was very authentic. | ||
| It's like I've heard the sounds that they supposedly connect with the howl. | ||
| Well, that's the thing. | ||
| You listen to that stuff, too. | ||
| Okay, let's forget the Patterson-Gimlin footage, but there's so much stuff. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| I don't think there's no evidence that Bigfoot exists, and I don't think that Bigfoot doesn't exist. | ||
| The Patterson-Gimlin footage. | ||
| A guy's a coaxer. | ||
| A guy's a bullshit artist. | ||
| I met people when I was up in the Pacific Northwest that knew Patterson and knew the other dude, too. | ||
| Bob Gimlin. | ||
| Hieronymus. | ||
| Oh, oh. | ||
| Geronimus, the guy who wore the suit. | ||
| And they said those guys were bullshit artists. | ||
| They were always trying to make money, and they'd been trying to do it for a long time. | ||
| They'd had someone else make a suit. | ||
| They'd had someone else make a suit, and it didn't work, and so they had this... | ||
| Well, but Patterson... | ||
| Who made that suit, then? | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| But you know what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's the thing. | |
| That suit is an amazing suit for that time. | ||
| It's not that good. | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| Everybody wants to say that it's really good, but here's what's realistic. | ||
| It's blurry as fuck. | ||
| So you're not getting a real, accurate, crisp version of what you're seeing. | ||
| You're getting this smushy version of it. | ||
| And so everybody wants to attribute it to muscles and this movement to like, there's no design, no costume like that. | ||
| I would buy that if you would show me a high resolution, crystal clear video of what we're looking at. | ||
| But you're looking at blurry trees. | ||
| The trees look blurry as fuck. | ||
| You can't make out the very specific branches or the texture of the bark. | ||
| So what you're looking at when you're saying that it looks so good, you're looking at this blurry thing that might be tits, that might be a flaw in the costume, that might be his ass, or he's wearing a fucking diaper under a gorilla suit. | ||
| I'm leaving. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I think... | ||
| Pull it up again. | ||
| Let's watch it one more time. | ||
| I want to get back to the breasts. | ||
| Stabilized. | ||
| I always think that's very weird. | ||
| It's weird, but it's not impossible to fake fits. | ||
| But if you're trying to... | ||
| It's not. | ||
| In Los Angeles. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| Okay, how about this? | ||
| Maybe they would feel like Bigfoot is way larger than a person, so you just pretend to be a female Bigfoot. | ||
| Because Bob Hieronymus is 6'5". | ||
| He's too small to be a Sasquatch. | ||
| Oh, so they're saying... | ||
| So they give him tits. | ||
| That's way more likely than they filmed Bigfoot. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's way more likely. | ||
| Alright, but you say that. | ||
| Now, what evidence do you buy, then? | ||
| There's a lot of things that are interesting. | ||
| First of all, the footprints with the dermal ridges. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| Because that's incredibly difficult to fake. | ||
| See, I'm looking at that, man. | ||
| That's so blurry. | ||
| Look how blurry everything is. | ||
| It's all washed out. | ||
| Look at that tree. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck that tree really looks like. | ||
| You can't see shit. | ||
| You can't see anything. | ||
| Well, this is a bad version we're looking at. | ||
| But this is the best version you can get, man. | ||
| It's just blown up. | ||
| When you're looking at everything in the distance. | ||
| So you want him shot on red? | ||
| No, I'm saying it looks like shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want Oslo Kovacs to be the DP? Dude, be honest. | |
| Look at the trees you're looking at in front of Bigfoot. | ||
| Look at the trees in front of them. | ||
| You can't even see any definition of those trees. | ||
| They're in meal penalties right now. | ||
| And Bigfoot says, Patty says, I'm out of here. | ||
| Show them one more time. | ||
| That looks real to me. | ||
| Jesus Christ, you're crazy. | ||
| One more time. | ||
| Look at what you're looking at. | ||
| You're looking at incredibly blurry shit. | ||
| You're looking at incredibly blurry trees that are all washed out and everyone trying to attribute all this musculature and definition. | ||
| Why does this- You barely know what you're looking at here. | ||
| Why does this hold up so much over the years? | ||
| It doesn't! | ||
| It's the Jesus of the Bigfoot world. | ||
| It doesn't hold up. | ||
| It's just a film that has not been authenticated or refuted. | ||
| It just hasn't been. | ||
| Because science hasn't really spent any fucking time examining it. | ||
| What about in Russia? | ||
| It's goddamn Bigfoot. | ||
| What, the Yeti in Russia? | ||
| No, no, the Russians spent a lot of time examining that. | ||
| Examining that? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Well, they were fucking with us, okay? | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It's the limit's real. | ||
| Let them waste their time. | ||
| Waste their time on this monkey. | ||
| What evidence, then, if you're so opposed? | ||
| The derma ridges are fascinating. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| The Melba Ketchum DNA is fascinating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| In fact, on the show, we just had a geneticist go over that. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| That's the stuff that people are calling BS on. | ||
| It could be, but the deal is though, this guy was a geneticist that overlooked the data and it was his conclusion based on his understanding of genetics. | ||
| He was an accomplished geneticist. | ||
| But not published in any real thing other than their own. | ||
| No, that's because they couldn't get published. | ||
| We are so far down there. | ||
| No, it's a good thing to say. | ||
| That's a better footage. | ||
| This is when the 09 checks out. | ||
| No, it's a fascinating subject. | ||
| I don't know if she's correct or wrong, this Melba Ketchum woman, or if it's a hoax. | ||
| But when a geneticist says that he finds the information to be compelling... | ||
| Then I have to listen because I'm too fucking stupid to understand who's right or who's wrong. | ||
| Now, did you ever see any of the story of Jimmy Stewart with the Yeti finger? | ||
| Jimmy Stewart? | ||
| The actor? | ||
| Yeah, he smuggled what was supposed to be a Yeti finger out of the Himalayas in his wife's underwear. | ||
| It wasn't in her pants, but I mean in her underwear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Honey, you're going to have to keep this in your pussy. | ||
| This is important. | ||
| It's a yeti finger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think it's hard getting weed out of it? | |
| It needs to be moist. | ||
| No, it was in her underwear drawer, and they got it all the way to England. | ||
| Now, that has been proven not to be a yeti finger. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| I can't remember, but I remember that. | ||
| Let's look it up. | ||
| It had DNA testing done to it. | ||
| Jimmy Stewart yeti finger results. | ||
| You know... | ||
| You know what really works for me is a lot of the audio recordings. | ||
| Well, obviously, because you were talking about that in the movie, and that is what works for me. | ||
| I love listening to them. | ||
| I think it's funny. | ||
| You were talking about UFOs. | ||
| I think it's funny. | ||
| People will go, well, where's the footage? | ||
| Well, there's a ton of footage on UFOs now that you can't wrap your brain around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, here's something interesting about the Yeti finger. | ||
| They said the DNA tusks have found it to be a human bone. | ||
| Well, here's what's interesting. | ||
| Jimmy Stewart's wife smuggled a human bone? | ||
| A human finger. | ||
| But they think that these things are fucking human. | ||
| It doesn't mean that that's wrong. | ||
| The people that... | ||
| I thought that they thought that this was some sort of orangutan, giant orangutan thing. | ||
| But no. | ||
| They think it's like... | ||
| That hobbit, that homo florensis, you're aware of that? | ||
| That little tiny man that they found on the island of Flores? | ||
| That was a human. | ||
| Yeah, well that's, you know, the Native Americans up in the Pacific Northwest. | ||
| You know, some of the tribes just attributed the Sasquatch as another tribe. | ||
| I mean, it wasn't... | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Now, have you gone down this rabbit hole? | ||
| The amount of people who go disappearing in our parks. | ||
| No. | ||
| There is no federal database set up for people who go missing in the parks. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| I can't remember the number. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| There's an author who wrote a book about it. | ||
| It's really fascinating. | ||
| Do they think these are yetis? | ||
| He doesn't even go down that road. | ||
| He just says, why is it... | ||
| We should look it up. | ||
| I don't know what the number... | ||
| He's saying, who... | ||
| What is this... | ||
| Why isn't there? | ||
| And where are all these people gone? | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| I feel really bad for bringing up this. | ||
| Well, it's usually they could starve to death. | ||
| I mean, you get lost in the woods. | ||
| And you could get lost easily. | ||
| But the weird part is the Fed's not taking the time to have a database. | ||
| I actually have a friend whose dad died in the woods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He went hiking, and then the fog rolled in, and he got trapped. | ||
| Did they find him, though? | ||
| Eventually, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I think they didn't find him for a long time, too. | ||
| But, you know, you can die out there. | ||
| Once you've been out in the woods, like we were, what happens to your mind when you were out there? | ||
| That's pretty funny to me. | ||
| Well, it's very... | ||
| How late did you stay up? | ||
| Oh, we didn't sleep in the woods. | ||
| We decided to stay in a hotel that was in town that was 20 miles away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Yeah, but just being around there at night, when you're in those woods, okay, even in the day, when you go into those woods, you're gone. | ||
| We were in Mount Rainier. | ||
| You go into those woods and it's another world. | ||
| First of all, there's elk that bound in front of you and they're all, you know, five, six hundred pound animal just jumping in front of you. | ||
| Yeah, that's weird when you run into an animal. | ||
| I saw that up in Willow Creek. | ||
| Elk are huge. | ||
| That aren't afraid of you. | ||
| That's the weird part. | ||
| They don't even know what the fuck you are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They've never seen one of you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, we slept there. | |
| They're living in those fucking woods. | ||
| Which was pretty fun because a couple of the guys, it was really funny because we were at Laos Camp, which if anybody knows, that's really close to that. | ||
| And one of the guys goes, because we had two women, the actress and the producer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We never had a woman here before. | |
| This is around a campfire in the middle of the night. | ||
| I go, fellas, I'm going to stop you right there. | ||
| That's usually when the raping starts. | ||
| Yeah, you shouldn't even say that, even if it's true. | ||
| Keep that shit to yourself, son. | ||
| I don't usually get women out here. | ||
| Never had women out here. | ||
| So as far as the things that they've collected, like the UFO quote-unquote evidence, to me, the most interesting shit is the howls that are really insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, sure. | |
| Primate howls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the dermal ridges that they found on footprints. | ||
| Terrifying, too. | ||
| Some of them was great, like in the middle of the night. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| I was once, before the keynote speaker got up, one of the guys... | ||
| He mentions, there's two guys, like an opener, you know, there's the feature, there's the headliner, and MC. So basically the feature brings up UFOs while he's doing his Bigfoot pitch. | ||
| And about a third of the room went, like, oh boy, who brought this kook? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to take a piss. | |
| Well, there's people in the Bigfoot community that make fun of wood knockers. | ||
| They're out there wood knocking like they're just going to wood knock back. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Well, I said, you know, these guys who are upset if you smoke tobacco around them. | ||
| There's people with crying babies and making bacon. | ||
| Well, the one guy saying to the other guy that you never find Bigfoot because you smoke. | ||
| I've seen Bigfoot three times. | ||
| You're never going to see Bigfoot because you smoke. | ||
| That's fucking... | ||
| That cuts at a man's soul. | ||
| And I was wondering, how does this guy feel about grass? | ||
| Does he think that Bigfoot's down with grass? | ||
| Bigfoot's probably attracted to weed. | ||
| Well, I have noticed that a few of our fellow Sasquatch hunters could possibly be a little baked out there. | ||
| Well, squatching when you're high is probably way more fun than sober squatching. | ||
| In the middle of the night, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Sober-squatching leaves much to be desired. | ||
| I really think folks can't wrap their brains around how many millions of acres there are still in like California and Oregon and Portland that are completely, like a plane goes down and no one finds it. | ||
| I think you're totally right. | ||
| And I think that's one of the things that we tried to capture on the show when we went up into Mount Rainier. | ||
| I was like, the way I described the trees, I was like, it's like a box of Q-tips. | ||
| You know how you get a box of Q-tips and they're just shoved in there? | ||
| That's all these trees. | ||
| You're not getting through that. | ||
| You're going to get through that gargoyle going like this. | ||
| One step right and one step left and one step right. | ||
| You're going to slowly have to seesaw your way through all these trees. | ||
| This is an incredibly dense rainforest and there's... | ||
| Thousands of square miles. | ||
| Thousands! | ||
| And you can't just get to the middle of it. | ||
| There's not trails through all of it. | ||
| So if something was living up there, it could see you coming a fucking mile away. | ||
| Hide from you so easy. | ||
| Especially if it had better senses than us, which, if it lives in the woods, it's gotta have animal senses, right? | ||
| Sure, of course. | ||
| Probably has senses like a dog does. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Dogs would be able to hear you and see you coming. | ||
| There's no way a human being... | ||
| But Deer. | ||
| Deer see you coming a mile away. | ||
| They hear you coming a mile away. | ||
| So tell me, or you're not trying to talk too much about the show you did. | ||
| Who did you go out with? | ||
| I'm not trying to talk too much about it. | ||
| We went with these guys from Wasser, the Washington State Sasquatch Research Team. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it a blast? | |
| Did you have a good time? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They were great guys. | ||
| They were hardcore, dedicated squatchers. | ||
| And they took us to some serious spots. | ||
| And we saw some weird shit. | ||
| We saw some trees that were arranged in some really peculiar positions in the middle of the forest. | ||
| Of nowhere, and you're going. | ||
| We also saw some trees that were broken in the middle, which is really weird, because there's no wind inside this forest. | ||
| You're deep, deep, deep in the forest, and you see trees that are snapped in half seven feet up. | ||
| Like, something grabbed it and snapped it. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck it was. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what happened, but it's weird. | ||
| You know, you see that. | ||
| To them, that's Squatch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a sign of Squatch. | |
| Squatch is marked as your territory. | ||
| There's an area in Alaska, I don't know if you're familiar with it, how deep you went with your Bigfoot research. | ||
| I have not gone to Alaska yet. | ||
| Not if you've gone deep, but have you heard of the trees? | ||
| The two trees that are uprooted? | ||
| Jamie, see if you can find the photo. | ||
| There's two trees in Alaska that they believe Bigfoot has uprooted and driven into the ground. | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| I'm doing a gig up there in two weeks. | ||
| Which town? | ||
| I'm doing a gig in Anchorage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the Anchorage is really, it's beautiful, but yeah, maybe that's why I'm going off the grid. | ||
| Yeah, that's great. | ||
| I'm addicted to this. | ||
| At least you're going now. | ||
| I mean, I did two dates in February in Anchorage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| You kind of reassess your career choices the second time you go, hello, Anchorage. | ||
| How cold was it? | ||
| It was so cool, but it's, you know, it's this weird thing. | ||
| There's guys wearing shorts and sneaks because you just go in and out of heated things and it's dry. | ||
| There's like snow places that never goes away and stuff. | ||
| These are those trees. | ||
| They're picked up by their roots and driven into the ground and no one knows how the fuck it was done. | ||
| They know that it wasn't done with heavy equipment because there's no, like, apparently there's no marks in the trees that correspond to the use of heavy equipment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Supposedly. | |
| Allegedly. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, here's the thing. | ||
| When you hear these stories, you're hearing about them. | ||
| See if there's any other photos of that jamming. | ||
| Better ones. | ||
| I've seen some different ones that are more in detail. | ||
| But you don't know how much you're dealing with is just people that are in love with that shit, you know? | ||
| Sure, but I, you know, there's... | ||
| There's a cynicism that you can have, and then there's the question of what if. | ||
| And you could even say, all this stuff is BS, but I do love the what if. | ||
| Right, right, yeah. | ||
| Jane Goodall thinks they're real. | ||
| Yeah, Jane Goodall, yeah, sure. | ||
| That's legit to me. | ||
| That's when the 09 gave me shark eyes when I pulled out Jane Goodall. | ||
| Did she really? | ||
| You know, I mean, like, you know how sharks, you know, they roll back before they bite. | ||
| She's like, wow! | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| Well, people that think it's bullshit and you start pulling out Jane Goodall. | ||
| That's, well, you know, that's, again, the 09, she likes to say this movie, Willow Creek, that's what the name of this movie is that we're talking about. | ||
| I can't announce it yet. | ||
| It got into some bigger festivals. | ||
| That'll happen soon. | ||
| How is it not just in the movies? | ||
| I'm, um... | ||
| I think that you can make a good trailer for the movie, and I think it could open. | ||
| I think it's different than the other movies I made. | ||
| It's fucking great! | ||
| I would go see that if I was on a date. | ||
| It's a great date night movie. | ||
| It's fucking fun. | ||
| It's a fun... | ||
| Look, and obviously, I'm very biased because I love you, and I'm a Bigfoot dork, so it's a double combination. | ||
| But I enjoy the shit out of it, man. | ||
| Well, thanks, man. | ||
| Thanks, thanks. | ||
| You're welcome. | ||
| You're welcome. | ||
| I, um... | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I'm starting now to make about a movie a year. | ||
| Different sizes, different budgets, different people. | ||
| In the meantime, I work for other folks and I do stand-up. | ||
| I'm about to go do Patton's new Comedy Central special. | ||
| I'll direct that. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| You're directing a stand-up special? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Where's he filming that? | ||
| He's going to be at Comic-Con. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's perfect. | ||
| Yeah, that is like... | ||
| He stacked the deck. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| That would be like if you were in one of those giant southern cathedrals that holds the mega churches. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then Christ actually just came out of the floor. | ||
| He just showed up. | ||
| That's what Patton at Comic Con is going to be like. | ||
| I love Patton. | ||
| Yeah, he's brilliant. | ||
| I love his writing. | ||
| It's fucking fun, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's brilliant. | ||
| So that kind of stuff. | ||
| If I can work with a comic and try to make it easier when they show up. | ||
| So they're not worrying about some knuckleheads. | ||
| That makes me really happy. | ||
| That's just as satisfying, believe it or not, as going out and doing a show. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, because I love comics and I don't like it when people make it harder. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Just before you go on, on TV, everybody's saying the worst thing. | ||
| You're going to do good. | ||
| I was like, don't stay the fuck out of here. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut up. | |
| You're not making me loose. | ||
| Yeah, that's the worst thing ever. | ||
| You know, they're questioning, you're gonna do good. | ||
| You know, my friend Tony, like... | ||
| Tony V? Yeah, so like, he was on Letterman. | ||
| I love Tony. | ||
| I love Tony V. So I sent him flowers when he's on Letterman, and it just said, don't fuck this up. | ||
| And then one time, he was taping another TV show, and it was years ago, and I go, Tony, I'm coming down there tonight to watch you tape. | ||
| He goes, oh, really? | ||
| No, I'm bringing Robin Williams, so don't fuck this up. | ||
| He just thinks you're my friend. | ||
| He doesn't know that you're funny, so really do good. | ||
| He's like, you're a fucking asshole. | ||
| And then, of course, you do that to a guy, and they go up, and they're laughing. | ||
| Subconsciously, he's going, well, Bob wouldn't... | ||
| Bob Cavett's not going to tell me. | ||
| I'm going to... | ||
| You need a safety zone. | ||
| You need friends that aren't driving you nuts before you go on. | ||
| What I like about what you've done with your... | ||
| I hate the word career, but I guess that's what it is. | ||
| You know, career always seems so formal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's just how you express yourself. | ||
| What I like about it is that you have not boxed yourself into any one corner. | ||
| Like, this Bigfoot thing is this fucking freaky horror movie. | ||
| That's why I love it. | ||
| It's, like, so funny. | ||
| It's, like, people, like, you know, the perception, and then you make it, and it's really fun to watch with an audience. | ||
| But what I was going to say is, but also, like, I'll run into you, and you're directing The Chappelle Show. | ||
| I'll run into you, and you're directing Kimmel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know, I mean, you're doing all this weird shit, but you're equally competent at all of it, and it seems like you're equally enthusiastic about all of it. | ||
| Yeah, well, thanks. | ||
| Which allows you to, like, direct someone's stand-up and enjoy it as much as doing your own stand-up, which you also enjoy. | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty lucky. | ||
| Now, you know, the other side of it is, like, it's not... | ||
| It's probably the least secure I've ever been financially. | ||
| But there's something awesome every time you jump off and you go, hey, what am I going to do next? | ||
| And every time it works out in some harebrained way. | ||
| I mean, I gave the commencement speech at my daughter's school at Hampshire College. | ||
| Well, first I went up and I just read an Oprah speech, word for word. | ||
| Whenever I'm nervous, I always go to Oprah. | ||
| And it was all about making it. | ||
| And I was like, blah, blah, blah, dreams and hopes. | ||
| This doesn't apply to any of you kids. | ||
| You guys gotta quit as often as possible in life until you end up someplace. | ||
| That you don't want to leave. | ||
| And you can smell the parents' stomach acid. | ||
| They just spent all this money on an education. | ||
| That's so true. | ||
| That's actually amazing advice. | ||
| Quit as many times as you can until you find something you don't want to leave. | ||
| There's a weird thing for guys our age. | ||
| I mean, you're younger than me, but where we... | ||
| We're doing all different things, and are we enjoying them or not? | ||
| And then all of a sudden, this age, we come onto our own, and the freaky part is, after World's Greatest Dad, I wrote five screenplays. | ||
| I mean, I just write screenplays all the time. | ||
| And someone goes, well, who are you competing with? | ||
| And I'm like, the Grim fucking Reaper, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm not like sitting looking over at you. | ||
| Who are you competing with? | ||
| That's not an interesting question that if you produce anything, you create something, you're competing against somebody to create it. | ||
| What a shitty mentality. | ||
| But common. | ||
| It's a common thought. | ||
| Yeah, and as soon as you can remove those guys and make it yourself instead of other people and you're not judging what you make by their standards and stuff, it's a pretty awesome place. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing about being a grown-ass man too. | ||
| It's like you get to a point where you're comfortable in your own life and you're comfortable with what you do and you know what's good and what you've done. | ||
| You've had enough feedback by what you've done that you enjoy and what you've done that you did for money and then you get to this sort of place where you're like, okay, I know what I'm doing here. | ||
| Yeah, and I'm not on a pink cloud. | ||
| There's gigs I take for the bread and there's things I do, but it does make it a little easier when you're sitting there and you're asking. | ||
| What is your police academy? | ||
| I'm interested in that. | ||
| Oh, it has to be a fear factor. | ||
| Fear factor, okay. | ||
| And you're polite, I'm sure, when people talk about it. | ||
| I enjoyed doing it. | ||
| You know, Fear Factor was nothing... | ||
| There's nothing artistic about Fear Factor, but there was... | ||
| I had a lot of great moments. | ||
| But there are a couple questions that you've heard a million times, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And what is it? | ||
| What is the one you get? | ||
| Oh, did you ever eat any of that stuff? | ||
| Hey, Joe, is Fear Factor for you? | ||
| Yeah, but I have a very healthy attitude about it. | ||
| And, you know, I'm happy that people enjoy the show, you know, and I understand what it would be like if I enjoyed the show and I ran into me. | ||
| I might say something stupid, too. | ||
| I might say, it's for a fact of you, buddy, because I wouldn't know what else to say. | ||
| I'm an idiot, you know? | ||
| But you don't detest it. | ||
| We do our best and smile through it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| But this person doesn't realize they're the third person that stopped me today. | ||
| At the airport. | ||
| And asked me at the airport. | ||
| As you went to your gate. | ||
| No, you know what it is. | ||
| It's always, you know what it is? | ||
| It's the security people. | ||
| When you're taking your belt off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yo, man, where's that movie with that horse at? | |
| Yo, man, you did that movie with that horse? | ||
| You did the movie with the beer. | ||
| Oh, you did that shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| But now it's worse because they go, I don't know him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They go looking at me and it's like, I never heard of him. | |
| Do the voice. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| Jimmy Kimmel loves to bust my balls harder than anyone about the voice. | ||
| It's just, you know, like if we're doing the show and, you know, doing the commercial, I go over there, do the voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I go, Drake, you know what I mean? | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Jimmy went and got a star, and I hadn't seen him in a while, so I went with him. | ||
| I was very touched. | ||
| He got a star on the Hollywood Boulevard? | ||
| Yeah, it was really sweet. | ||
| It was a real Capra-esque moment with everybody, guys that I've seen in and out of his life. | ||
| It was really sweet to watch. | ||
| But the O9 goes, you know, I tried to get you a star. | ||
| And I go, what happened? | ||
| They said, ma'am, the posthumous request, swear to God. | ||
| It's another, it's another. | ||
| They thought you were dead? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I said to her, I go, well, then what did you do? | ||
| She goes, well, the guy insisted you were dead. | ||
| And I said, I'm your wife. | ||
| And then, and I was like... | ||
| I would have taken a dead star. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| You know, I would have showed up in, like, gore makeup like I'm a zombie. | ||
| That would actually be hilarious if they gave you a star. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A dead star. | |
| You're dead, they gave you a star, and then you showed up for the... | ||
| And they're like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| Coming out of lower down. | ||
| You're alive! | ||
| In this day and age, I mean, everyone's zombie-obsessed. | ||
| Yeah, just coming in gore makeup with maggots coming out of an eye socket. | ||
| She killed me! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| That would be really funny, man. | ||
| I mean, sure, you can get somebody in Hollywood to do it really good, like Walking Dead style, where it looked realistic. | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| That would be awesome. | ||
| So I have a question. | ||
| You did this one episode. | ||
| What's the next one? | ||
| Well, we're doing six. | ||
| We're picked up for six. | ||
| It starts July 16th. | ||
| I had a similar idea, but what I wanted to do, and this was after shooting Willow Creek, I thought it'd be funny to go, let's say I go... | ||
| The Jersey Devil, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I make it, because I'm interested in filmmaking, so I get Kevin Smith to go with me in a tent, and we go and sleep out and look for the Jersey Devil. | ||
| Yeah, that would be great. | ||
| And then you just keep going, but it's always like, you know, John Waters is Baltimore, and we go find this haunted house in Baltimore again, you know, and just camp out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| What I'm doing is some of them I'm doing with comedians, like I did one with Duncan Trussell. | ||
| He went with Looking for Bigfoot with me. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And Ari Shaffir is going to go to a transhumanist conference with me in New York. | ||
| Transhumanism is... | ||
| I don't know transhumanism. | ||
| People that want to download consciousness into computers, like Ray Kurzweil and the other like. | ||
| All the people that are into robots. | ||
| So he's going to go and do some of that with me, too. | ||
| So a lot of it I'm doing it with comic friends. | ||
| But it's cool to go, have an open mind, and just not be snarky, because here's the thing, what people don't realize. | ||
| All these different subcultures and stuff, they have a sense of humor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't have to roll your eyes, you know? | ||
| I mean, like, there's a lot of laughs in Will Creek from these guys, and they're just, you know, they know they're making jokes. | ||
| They're not, you know, they're... | ||
| Yeah, listen, the guys that we were hanging out with up in Seattle, Mount Rainier, they were great guys. | ||
| And one of the guys had a great point. | ||
| He goes, hey, he had never seen Bigfoot. | ||
| And he had been fascinated by it, and he'd been looking. | ||
| He said, listen, if I don't ever even see Bigfoot, I'm still camping. | ||
| I'm enjoying the wilderness. | ||
| I'm out here having a good time. | ||
| Which makes me wonder why people get so aggressive about it. | ||
| People get aggressive about music. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| They get aggressive about movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That guy sucks! | |
| They get aggressive about TV shows. | ||
| Like, how the fuck can you watch this? | ||
| I had a... | ||
| Now, it's actually so played out, but I had a story when I was directing Kimmel's show about... | ||
| Nickelback. | ||
| And the first time I tell the story, I go, I go, and I wasn't, like, I think making fun of Nickelback is really hacky at this point, but I really said, I go, what's the band that sucks? | ||
| And the guy immediately goes, Nickelback. | ||
| I go, yes, they were on the show. | ||
| Now, as a comic, I go, I'm going to see if that works tomorrow night. | ||
| And It does. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Every time. | ||
| It's really funny that these guys, for some reason, are the whipping boy of music. | ||
| I don't understand that. | ||
| I'm confused, but I'll join in. | ||
| I will tell stories out of school that the manager of Nickelback came into the booth And he goes, don't shoot Chad from the front. | ||
| And I'm like, I don't even know what Chad is. | ||
| You know, I figure out that's the lead singer. | ||
| He says, don't shoot Chad from the front. | ||
| I was like, why? | ||
| He goes, because of his nose. | ||
| Just shoot him. | ||
| Don't shoot him profile. | ||
| Just shoot him in the front. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| He says, shoot him in the front. | ||
| No profile. | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| So he leaves, and all the cameramen are my best friends. | ||
| When you're a television director, that's who you really bond with. | ||
| And they're like going, oh, don't shoot. | ||
| Hey, Bob, can I direct? | ||
| You're letting the manager and Nickelback direct. | ||
| They're really busting my balls. | ||
| So if you see The Kimmel Show, as the show goes off the air, The band's playing, right? | ||
| And so I go, yeah, there's a profile shot. | ||
| And just as I go to the AD, I go, tell me when I have 10 seconds left. | ||
| She goes, okay. | ||
| And she goes, 10 seconds. | ||
| I go, shoot the nose! | ||
| And six cameras. | ||
| I just go whizzing in from every direction. | ||
| And I did a montage of his nose. | ||
| I go, ready camera 5, ready 4, ready 3, ready 6, ready 6. And we just went off the air with this guy's nose. | ||
| And so it got super quiet in the headsets. | ||
| And the guys go, hey man, what are we going to do now? | ||
| And I'm like, ah. | ||
| I didn't plan for that. | ||
| I'm getting in my car. | ||
| Good weekend, guys. | ||
| Did anybody yell at you? | ||
| Well, I know that it didn't make the West Coast broadcast. | ||
| They censored the nose? | ||
| Well, I'm sure people flipped out. | ||
| Because I did something like that to another band. | ||
| That's his fucking nose. | ||
| It's not that bad. | ||
| He's not an ugly guy. | ||
| Again, though, if someone didn't come into the booth and tell me what to do, I wouldn't even have done the tribute to his nose. | ||
| What do you attribute the... | ||
| The whole hate for Nickelback, too. | ||
| Is it that they're too smooth? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Are they too polished? | ||
| I don't... | ||
| I mean, there's... | ||
| Too poppy? | ||
| I don't understand why just suddenly everybody gangs on Nickelback when there's so much more crap in the world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's just this weird... | ||
| Well, you know what it is. | ||
| I'll tell you what it is. | ||
| There's a safety in bullying. | ||
| If we all decide that we're going to bully Nickelback, then you're not bullying me. | ||
| Or Justin Bieber. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Or whoever. | ||
| Fill in the blank. | ||
| Liking him or disliking Justin Bieber, I don't have that kind of time, you know? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| He's not for me. | ||
| Although he does... | ||
| But then again, you're a 50-year-old man, you know? | ||
| Yeah, but here's the thing. | ||
| I think of him in terms of Donny Osmond when I was growing up. | ||
| I was threatened and weirded out, and then when I got older, I was like, hey, Donny Osmond's not a bad guy. | ||
| He's a nice guy! | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| You end up meeting all the time. | ||
| Donny was super nice. | ||
| I did his show. | ||
| The Donny and Marie show. | ||
| I had a Donny doll that I used to bring out a puppet and do so stupid and do weird things with him. | ||
| I'd do like a puppet show with him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, you know, I'm gutting fish, so it wasn't that much of a stretch for me to pull out a Donny Osmond doll. | ||
| My early stand-up, there was no jokes. | ||
| I mean, it's nice that you liked to meet Bob because I had material then, but it was just doing one weird thing after another. | ||
| I was super influenced by Andy Kaufman. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And Steve Martin and stuff like that. | ||
| So if I did well, it would kind of go well. | ||
| And then sometimes when I did bad, the show would go off the rails, you know? | ||
| It would just ruin all the other guys' nights and stuff. | ||
| Well, you guys were... | ||
| It was such a... | ||
| That comedy environment was such a hot environment. | ||
| But it also... | ||
| The Boston comedy environment really supported originality. | ||
| Originality was really huge. | ||
| Yeah, it was for weird. | ||
| It was nice that if you were derivative, you didn't get work. | ||
| And you got shit on. | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| You got shit on by all your peers. | ||
| Nobody just let that slide. | ||
| They kept a high standard, which is difficult for people who don't want to maintain a high standard. | ||
| But for people that you realize that you're going to have to be judged by your peers, you kick it off a little. | ||
| So you got this weird court of your peers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you don't do this, you don't do that, you don't do other people's acts. | ||
| So then you go on stage. | ||
| Then we're going to goose it and have some of the toughest, worst crowds in the world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it was a good place. | ||
| Nick's Comedy Stop? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Animals. | ||
| Play it against Sam's? | ||
| Sam's. | ||
| I had a thing called Dollar Night. | ||
| At Sam's. | ||
| And it'd be me and Steven Wright and we'd walk the room, you know? | ||
| People would be like, what the hell was that? | ||
| I started out at the Paradise. | ||
| Stitches. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stitches? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So I have a question for you. | ||
| Do you think anybody's going to come along as a comedian and ever be what Steve Martin was? | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Or do you think we're too fractured as a society? | ||
| Like, my mother weighed in on Steve Martin. | ||
| She thought he was funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| And you did as well, so it went across the board. | ||
| Exactly, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| My dad knew who he was. | ||
| Jim Gaffigan is squeaky clean and I think funny to everybody. | ||
| Brian Regan. | ||
| But these guys appeal to everybody, but they're not the phenomenon. | ||
| They're not on the cover of Growing Stone. | ||
| Yeah, right, I feel you. | ||
| I don't think it could happen. | ||
| And there's certain things I don't think can happen anymore because of the digital age. | ||
| I'm not saying it's good or bad, but I'm just saying... | ||
| I don't know about that, because Dane Cook cracked through because of the digital age, and although his was more of a teeny bopper sort of a crowd, that guy was doing 18,000-seat arenas. | ||
| That was very Steve Martin-esque. | ||
| But when I was growing up, Steve Martin you had to deal with. | ||
| My parents, if they were alive, would not know who Dane Cook is. | ||
| Yeah, but that's just Dane Cook. | ||
| I'm saying he broke through in his digital age. | ||
| Sure, no, I'm saying there's going to be people that will be huge, but I don't think there will be people that are so huge that everybody in the family knows them and they're a phenomenon. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| I don't think it could happen again. | ||
| You might be right, and we are definitely more fragmented than ever. | ||
| In a way, it's a good thing because there's a lot more audience for more obscure people that wouldn't have had an outlet before. | ||
| I think that's great. | ||
| I think that's great, too. | ||
| But I do worry about our exposure to our world gets minute. | ||
| Or maybe I'll just say for myself, am I going to go to BBC and learn today about the events? | ||
| Or am I going to click on... | ||
| Bigfoot site and go down a rabbit hole for two hours. | ||
| What do you think is going to happen? | ||
| I do the same thing. | ||
| There's something, you know, when you had a newspaper, now it's like, I'm an old guy yelling, get off my lawn. | ||
| But you had a newspaper, I go through, oh, I'm interested in that. | ||
| I didn't know that was going on in China. | ||
| And I think the digital age makes it a little bit too much. | ||
| You can find news that agrees with your outlook, which is weird. | ||
| The news should not be... | ||
| It's never impartial, but it should be somewhat. | ||
| Yeah, if you have confirmation bias, you could support it really easily on the internet, just sticking to a bubble. | ||
| I love when I'm ego-surfing and I see someone call me a libtard, and I'm like, I'm so out of there. | ||
| A libtard! | ||
| Yeah, when someone calls you a liberal, that's hilarious. | ||
| Self-hating liberal. | ||
| Liberal is one of the weirdest sort of insults ever. | ||
| Because if you look at the... | ||
| Okay, let's look at the official... | ||
| The definition of it, yeah. | ||
| It's the official definition of liberal. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Where's the... | ||
| C-Libtard. | ||
| C-Libtard. | ||
| Alright, look it up in a dictionary. | ||
| It says, to open to new behavior or opinions and willing to discard traditional values. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That sounds pretty positive. | ||
| Unprejudiced, unbigoted, broad-minded, open-minded, enlightened, permissive, free... | ||
| Free and easy and easy going. | ||
| Now, the only thing that seems to be threatening to me would be to folks is disregarding – what was it? | ||
| Disregarding traditional values. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| See, that's very threatening to people. | ||
| There's people that treat the Constitution as if it's like the Ten Commandments, like that there's no – we're checks and balances. | ||
| We can change and adjust things, but there's people that are so ingrained. | ||
| That's really scary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think there's also the real problem with liberalism is a lot of people know that folks naturally are inclined to be lazy fucks. | ||
| And if you give people an easy way out, they'll take it. | ||
| So as soon as you start advocating giving people aid or helping people out or people are like, get him up! | ||
| Get that fucker up! | ||
| It's like... | ||
| There's a part of people that... | ||
| Resents them immediately. | ||
| Resent, yeah. | ||
| There's a resentment against the idea that liberals are not into hard work. | ||
| But what happened after World War II? It's like, hey, you're down on your luck. | ||
| Here's your GI loan. | ||
| Here's this, here's that. | ||
| I think it was a much, much, much harder world that they were dealing with. | ||
| And it was only a couple of decades after the fucking Depression. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Where people are much more used to living together, scraping to get by. | ||
| Your parents almost starved to death 20 years ago, and they all have stories about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| My grandfather had horrible stories about the Depression. | ||
| Scary shit. | ||
| Yeah, my old man lived through the Depression, and that'll make... | ||
| Well, my old man's a whole other can of worms, but... | ||
| The house was mine. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Would we be sitting here talking? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, you'd never. | ||
| You'd never be a comic. | ||
| I think that's one of the number one pieces of... | ||
| I've never met a comic that didn't have a fucked up life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think I've ever met one. | ||
| Basically, I think my act, it was me going on stage going, Mom, do you hear me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think that's in a nutshell. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's 100%. | ||
| But it's funny how my favorite art form comes out of that in balance. | ||
| It seems like it's the only way to achieve it. | ||
| To achieve it correctly, there has to be some sort of a deficit to create this... | ||
| It's a reaction to a lack of something. | ||
| It's not just a natural progression from, I was kind of a funny guy in high school, and I figured, let me try out this stand-up thing. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| What we're missing is that... | ||
| Those times that we bombed, we probably should have never got back on stage. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But we eat it and then go back up again because it's horrible. | ||
| It's a crazy, weird thing. | ||
| Often the funniest guy in the room is not the comedian. | ||
| Often. | ||
| Many times. | ||
| The comedian's got the illness or the nads to go up there. | ||
| Or both. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, something's happening lately on stage, and this is not me lying, that all of a sudden, for the first time in 30 years, I'm sometimes having fun up there. | ||
| I was always panicked the whole time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, something new. | ||
| Like, all of a sudden, I don't know, man. | ||
| I'm on this new thing. | ||
| Like, sometimes with the right crowd, I actually enjoy it. | ||
| And, yeah, you know, it's a new thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| Something that people enjoy so much to come see, and it looks like you're having so much fun out there. | ||
| But for a lot of folks, it's just terror and fear and worry about bombing and just fucking trying to get... | ||
| When it's over... | ||
| And then you're like, fuck, two more shows tomorrow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Even if you're killing every show, you know, sometimes. | ||
| It's a new thing. | ||
| You know, suddenly it dawned on me what was a new thing that dawned on me is like... | ||
| And it was, okay, these people have an expectation, and I'm not doing that. | ||
| But how can I warm up to them? | ||
| How can I include them? | ||
| So it's not just me saying, this is what I see the world as. | ||
| This is what I see as funny. | ||
| If you don't like it, cram it. | ||
| I'm not saying compromise what I believe in. | ||
| But suddenly, I was doing a little bit of crowd work that wasn't like, how do you know when you're finished? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, to actually just sit around and poke around and talk to folks. | ||
| And it's been different. | ||
| It made doing stand-up a lot more fun. | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| I love when people, like, re-find the joy of performing. | ||
| Or find it. | ||
| Well, like, Cosby's funny still. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, what is he doing? | ||
| How is he doing that? | ||
| How is he funny? | ||
| He doesn't have an opening act. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Cosby does like an hour and a half. | ||
| Hello, everybody. | ||
| He sits down and boom. | ||
| It was actually Louis that said to me. | ||
| He was like, CK, he's like, go see Cosby. | ||
| He goes, he's going to do a ton of material. | ||
| You're going to think 20 minutes went by, he's still funny. | ||
| And lo and behold, yeah, I go and I was like, this is weird. | ||
| I wanted to be bitter and he ruined it. | ||
| Well, maybe it's because he just enjoys the art form. | ||
| As long as like, stand-up to me seems like... | ||
| I feel like when I'm really tuned into it, I'm like a passenger, and I feel like it's a group hypnosis thing. | ||
| Like you lock people, and you know how to do the bits right, you know where it's going, you know the setup, and you hold the pause, and it becomes like this big thing. | ||
| And if you tune into that frequency and nourish it, as long as you continue to nourish it, it seems like something that would always be there. | ||
| It seems like when people lose it is when they take a couple years off, And then they go back again or something happens and they're not really into it anymore. | ||
| I think it's maybe the opposite. | ||
| It's like when people just, this works, I'm going to do it and just get out of here tonight with my life. | ||
| Get the check. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because I know I have done that. | ||
| But this is different, a new phase where I go up there and I go, alright, it's not a mistake you're here. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Slow it down. | ||
| Slow it down. | ||
| And instead of just blurting out those new ideas, you know, that's usually what I do, like, in the first couple minutes, whatever the new ideas is. | ||
| And then I do the act. | ||
| I go, gee, slow it down. | ||
| It has been new. | ||
| You know, maybe people are like, I'll see, you know, I keep doing it and see if folks like it. | ||
| Are you more comfortable as a person now? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So is that it, you think? | ||
| Yeah, I'm not like, you know, rainbows and crapping unicorns all day. | ||
| I mean, I get dark, but I will say, the majority of the time, I'm happy, and I'm happy when I'm making stuff. | ||
| So now I know that, well, okay, no one greenlit this movie, or no one did this and that. | ||
| I pick up my, you know, I start writing, you know? | ||
| It doesn't matter if it gets made or not. | ||
| That process is very freeing. | ||
| Yeah, there's something about creating things where, especially if people enjoy those things, if you can put those things out and they can, like, people can, like, actually get like a, like when, like, say someone goes to see Willow Creek. | ||
| If you go and see this movie, what you're going to get is, like, a feeling. | ||
| You're going to sit down and this thing's going to happen in front of you and you're going to... | ||
| And you're going to have all this feeling attached to you. | ||
| And you as, you know, the pretentious word artist, but you as an artist, like as someone who's created this, gets to sit there and realize that your effort, your thought, your focus, all this, you piece it together, you edit it up, and boom. | ||
| And then you deliver it, and then you get to watch all this positive reaction. | ||
| You just want to go do more. | ||
| You just want to continue that cycle of... | ||
| Well, for me, I think it's kind of like I keep making these movies and it's really exciting, especially like the last four, when after the movie, people are chatty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're like... | |
| Right. | ||
| Which happens. | ||
| It's really sweet. | ||
| And... | ||
| And I guess basically what I'm doing is I'm shooting out a flare saying, do you guys see this? | ||
| Do you guys feel this? | ||
| Is this right? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Wouldn't this be cool? | ||
| That's what I'm doing when I make a movie. | ||
| Well, that's the way to do it, man. | ||
| I mean, it's a true form of expression. | ||
| Like, instead of you saying, oh, this will sell. | ||
| You know, hey, if I box this with that and add in a funny black guy, boom, I'm fucking dumb in. | ||
| If I do the voice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Instead, you're like, you know what, man? | ||
| I'm fucking into Bigfoot. | ||
| Let's make this weird fucking crazy movie about Bigfoot. | ||
| Well, that's what I got to say about my wife. | ||
| That's really funny. | ||
| She says... | ||
| Go. | ||
| Go to your Bigfoot. | ||
| She wanted you to get it out of your system. | ||
| She let me drive around for a week. | ||
| So is that what you did to write it? | ||
| You just drove around for a week? | ||
| I truly wasn't even writing. | ||
| It was really just, I'm going to go. | ||
| I'm going to talk to people. | ||
| I'm just going to do this with no agenda. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I knew that someday I'd probably make a movie, but it was really more just like, do you know how freeing that is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| To take five, six days I still had to do a couple of phoners, which is funny. | ||
| They go, where are you? | ||
| I'm looking for Bigfoot. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| You're doing phoners for gigs? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'll be in Peoria at the jukebox, but right now I'm at it. | ||
| So you go out there, you take 11 days, you go wandering around for Bigfoot. | ||
| Where did you decide to start? | ||
| Did you have a specific... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I drove up first to Santa Cruz and the Sierras, too. | ||
| I drove around there. | ||
| I heard Santa Cruz is amazing. | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| I heard it's beautiful up there. | ||
| Yeah, it's really, really awesome. | ||
| I just went where I kind of poked around and knew certain sites where people had seen or heard or events. | ||
| Again, I ended up in Willow Creek. | ||
| I didn't go up to Happy Camp, which I probably will still. | ||
| I mean, that's another pretty Sasquatch. | ||
| Happy Camp? | ||
| Yeah, it's above Orleans. | ||
| It's above Bluff Creek and everything. | ||
| It's still another place that there's a lot of Squatch activity. | ||
| Isn't there a bunch of different names for those areas, too, that are like monkey names and ape names? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like Ape Canyon. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, and Oregon, yeah. | ||
| It's very strange how many things. | ||
| It's like, why, yeah. | ||
| And in Mount Rainier, up in that area, there's a bunch of names that are one of the North American names for Bigfoot. | ||
| There's a bunch of canyons that are named after that. | ||
| So this guy starts talking about all these different areas, and it's got this weird North American name in it. | ||
| And he said, well, that's how we started our Bigfoot squatching. | ||
| We just started going to all these places that the North American Indians had named after Bigfoot. | ||
| I'm like, that is fucking crazy. | ||
| They named spots? | ||
| Again, yeah. | ||
| It makes you fucking think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's also, when all's said and done, you know, whenever you're a subculture, you're going to get ridiculed and picked upon. | ||
| But like you said, it's just camping. | ||
| It's camping, and it's fun. | ||
| There's something silly about it. | ||
| I mean, I went with Duncan Truss and we ate pot candies and had a fucking blast. | ||
| Well, that's what I was wondering about. | ||
| Because I know some of these guys are high. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But they're very worried about what Bigfoot, you know, because Bigfoot likes different smells. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I'm like, are they eating it? | ||
| They gotta eat it. | ||
| Well, if they're smart, they'd eat it. | ||
| But even if you eat strong weed, like, you open up, like, I remember one time... | ||
| I won't even say his name, but we were on a plane. | ||
| And he had brought a Tupperware thing and his fucking carry-on with weed cookies. | ||
| And it was an international flight, okay? | ||
| And this motherfucker opens the lid and he goes, do you want one? | ||
| Redman's not here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can say it. | |
| It wasn't him. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| I'll tell you that. | ||
| He opens the lid and the smell was so strong. | ||
| I'm like, oh my god, we're going to jail. | ||
| I'm like, are you crazy? | ||
| Do you know what that smells like? | ||
| He's like, I can't even smell it. | ||
| And I was like, you can't smell it because you've been smelling it for so long. | ||
| You are it. | ||
| You become it. | ||
| It was so scary. | ||
| It was so powerful, strong. | ||
| I would think if you had those brownies out there in the woods, Bigfoot's going to fucking smell that. | ||
| Have I ever told you the Tony V story about when he was the American tourista gorilla? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay, this is great. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Tony won a contract to be the gorilla, and so he'd show up. | ||
| Now, Tony's a big guy, right? | ||
| He's like... | ||
| Like 250, you know, maybe a little heavier sometimes. | ||
| So he's a big guy. | ||
| I think he was about three bills when he was the gorilla. | ||
| So Rick Baker builds him a gorilla suit that's 20 grand. | ||
| It's made of, like, real hair, and it's got this whole gorilla muscle structure. | ||
| Now Tony goes to, like, hockey games and stuff, and people get mad, you know. | ||
| He goes out on the ice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you, gorilla! | |
| You're not the real gorilla! | ||
| You know, people are just mad. | ||
| We're fucking horrible, aren't we? | ||
| Animals. | ||
| Animals. | ||
| So Tony, the gorilla suit's got a better deal than Tony. | ||
| It's got a guy that travels with these anvil cases and packs it up. | ||
| And so Tony's doing stand-up in the meantime with me. | ||
| And hopscotching while he's doing the gorilla dates. | ||
| Now the gorilla suit is not with us, but he's got this onesie, this big unitard that he wears under the gorilla suit. | ||
| And clearly he was having some chafing problems. | ||
| So he goes and... | ||
| So we're getting searched through customs going out of Canada. | ||
| And there's all this white powder and rocks that form from his sweat from... | ||
| The crotch sweat. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| The custom guy licks his finger and he picks up one of the rocks and he tastes it from his balls. | ||
| Oh no! | ||
| It was a ball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| It was a rock of baby powder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| From his balls! | ||
| From his balls sweat. | ||
| And I think I'm kind of, I think I'm witty. | ||
| All I do is I go, ah, his balls! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's all I got. | |
| Tears! | ||
| Tears! | ||
| That's all he can get out of? | ||
| As soon as the rock hit his tongue, he was just immediately like, I don't know what he said, he could tell like, he's like, balls and old man dick, and he's just like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| It was the best face ever. | ||
| Just like, hyperventilating. | ||
| We were actually... | ||
| Because I love Tony. | ||
| I love Tony. | ||
| We're just holding each other up. | ||
| We're just two guys just wrapped around each other, crying. | ||
| And what is the guy doing? | ||
| It was the best thing we ever saw. | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| Furious. | ||
| Furious. | ||
| He's mad? | ||
| Furious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Who told him to put it in his mouth? | ||
| We could have stopped him, by the way. | ||
| He licks the finger and then he's got all the way down and we both look like our heads snapping. | ||
| That was so funny. | ||
| That was the best thing ever. | ||
| He thought it was coke. | ||
| He thought he was catching someone with coke. | ||
| Yeah, he thought he got the big... | ||
| I got a big case in it. | ||
| He's got the... | ||
| The big collar. | ||
| He's gonna get kicked upstairs. | ||
| Oh, that is so funny. | ||
| Tony V told me one of the most important things that I ever learned about driving. | ||
| Because he was driving back and forth from New York to Boston. | ||
| It was a long thing. | ||
| And he was doing it a lot. | ||
| I forget what he was working on, but he was driving back and forth a lot. | ||
| And I go, how do you do that without going crazy? | ||
| He goes, I just go zen. | ||
| He goes, when I'm in the car, I just say, now this is what I'm doing. | ||
| He goes, I don't say, man, I wish I wasn't doing this and I could be doing something else. | ||
| He goes, I just say, this is what I'm doing. | ||
| I never thought about it that way. | ||
| I was like, yeah, you can do things you don't want to do like that and just have it in your head. | ||
| This is what I'm doing. | ||
| My wife had a friend who sold ice cream in an ice cream truck and it played Turkey and the Straw over and over. | ||
| What is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All day long. | |
| Turkey and the Straw. | ||
| And he said, you know what I did? | ||
| I said, I'm going to make that my favorite song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It became his favorite jam. | |
| Wow, that's madness. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Ice cream truck, that would be the best job. | ||
| That would be horrible. | ||
| You could deal with a lot of shitty kids. | ||
| They would definitely make you want to not have kids. | ||
| Yeah, and I'd also be giving kids ice cream on the side. | ||
| Mostly, aren't people just selling weed out of ice cream trucks? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If you're lucky. | ||
| I mean, there's the Van Halen song. | ||
| You know, it's funny as you grow up. | ||
| I grew up, you know, I was the first generation of getting the Ramones. | ||
| I got to see them live. | ||
| I actually would help build the PAs. | ||
| That's how I'd sneak into bars when I was underage. | ||
| The Ramones, punk rock and all this stuff. | ||
| And I rebelled against all this stuff. | ||
| As it kept coming up, like, you know, then later on the kids were in the Van Halen. | ||
| I'm like, that's not punk rock, you know. | ||
| I was an asshole, right? | ||
| But I was down in Baja with a bunch of buddies, and they were all surfing. | ||
| And I'm like the... | ||
| I mean, we're in the middle of nowhere, like about five, six hours. | ||
| I don't know if you've ever gone out in Mexico. | ||
| I think it's a little too sketchy now, but there's nothing around there. | ||
| Any surfers with no shipwreck, it's a famous surf site. | ||
| And we're driving along the side of a cliff, and I'm driving this Jeep. | ||
| And we're playing Panama from Van Halen. | ||
| Fucking loud. | ||
| And everybody's fucked up except me. | ||
| I'm the designated... | ||
| I'm, you know, Joe Sober fucking... | ||
| But it was fun. | ||
| I was like, hey, man, I get Van Halen. | ||
| You finally got it? | ||
| I got Van Halen. | ||
| What was the song that pushed you over the edge? | ||
| It was Panama, that song. | ||
| It's a great fucking song. | ||
| It's just loud, and there's stars, and these guys are screaming. | ||
| And as I keep speeding, going over gigantic potholes, they're all thinking they're doomed. | ||
| And I was like, again, it's like, I'm good in chaos. | ||
| I go, now I get Van Halen. | ||
| Isn't that a funny thing that you do, though, that people do? | ||
| We all do it, especially when you're young, where if someone doesn't like what you like, you get fucking angry. | ||
| So angry. | ||
| What you like is shit. | ||
| You hate them for liking it. | ||
| Here's an exclusive, because I do tell a lot of yarns. | ||
| They're all true, but I have a lot of stories. | ||
| Here's a story I've never told anyone. | ||
| When I was opening for Nirvana... | ||
| We were here in LA, so I don't know which form. | ||
| I think it was the form. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And Eddie Van Halen shows up and he's really fucking hammered. | ||
| And he wants to jam. | ||
| And Kurt is totally flipped out like, Eddie Van Halen wants to jam. | ||
| He's like, hide me. | ||
| So Eddie wants to go up and shred? | ||
| Yeah, and he's fucking hammered. | ||
| I go, dude, give him one of your guitars. | ||
| Because Kurt played left-handed. | ||
| And I go, it'll be great. | ||
| He won't be able to play it. | ||
| And he's like, he would figure it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, this would be so funny! | |
| But it was really weird. | ||
| He probably would. | ||
| We had David Lee Roth come in here. | ||
| He couldn't be fucking cooler. | ||
| I met him one night at the Comedy Store. | ||
| He was the greatest guy. | ||
| Just hanging out. | ||
| No pretense. | ||
| Just him and a buddy. | ||
| In the 80s, they were going to... | ||
| Because Purple Rain made money, and they were going to give him money. | ||
| And it was this insane script. | ||
| Oh, a movie? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I went in and read for him. | ||
| Why did they never do that? | ||
| He's so charismatic. | ||
| Why did they never give him a movie? | ||
| He's probably too busy fucking everything. | ||
| But there could be a movie there. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's like, look at him. | ||
| You know what he's doing now? | ||
| What? | ||
| He lives in Japan. | ||
| He lives in an apartment with his dog, and he practices sword fighting all day. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I believe it. | |
| Moved to Japan by himself. | ||
| He's a fascinating guy. | ||
| We had him in here. | ||
| First of all, the fucking guy wears overalls everywhere he goes. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| He's comfortable with his nipples? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He just likes wearing overalls. | ||
| He just enjoys them. | ||
| Don't they bug your nipples? | ||
| I haven't worn them in a long time. | ||
| I'd have to cut back to you. | ||
| Coveralls or overalls? | ||
| Overalls. | ||
| You know, when they have the little things like the farmer's wear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Where they clip up here. | ||
| Yeah, we have them. | ||
| See, look. | ||
| He's wearing overalls. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Oh, he's got a shirt on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought he wasn't wearing a shirt. | ||
| No, look. | ||
| Overalls. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| And so he does his sword. | ||
| Practices sword fighting. | ||
| And not to be so crass, but is he set? | ||
| Financially? | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure he's got it set. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know how much fucking money David Lee Roth must have? | |
| David Lee Roth is, first of all, he's very smart. | ||
| And I think he's also a savvy guy. | ||
| I do not see him overindulging to the point of something like that. | ||
| He likes living small. | ||
| He shows up here by himself. | ||
| He's one of the biggest rock stars of all time. | ||
| Drives himself here. | ||
| Shows up by himself. | ||
| Hey guys! | ||
| No pretense. | ||
| Comes in. | ||
| Sit down. | ||
| How's everybody? | ||
| But a lot of the folks that have longevity do that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like... | ||
| I haven't seen him in a long time, but there was a period where I spent some time around... | ||
| I sound like I'm just name-dropping all my stories, but with David Bowie, and he would do that. | ||
| Now you do. | ||
| You said Bowie, now you do. | ||
| Well, when I started talking... | ||
| I know, I know. | ||
| No, no, I'm just kidding. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| If you know David Bowie, it's a true story. | ||
| You've always... | ||
| If you're in show business, these are the folks that you become friends with. | ||
| Not all of them, but some super stories. | ||
| You just told me a David Lee Roth story, but you also have a show. | ||
| Well, he came in to promote his show. | ||
| He has a podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
From Japan? | |
| Yeah, he does it from Japan. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| He gets up, does his podcast. | ||
| He does a video podcast. | ||
| I think... | ||
| And then he... | ||
| Find out what the address is. | ||
| I don't know what the address is. | ||
| And then he sword fights. | ||
| I think he calls it Dave TV or something like that. | ||
| Now, I remember he also... | ||
| I heard this. | ||
| I don't know if this is true, but I heard that... | ||
| And you would know this maybe because of martial arts. | ||
| He would sweep the stage after the show. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I heard that. | ||
| I don't know if it's true. | ||
| I didn't ask him, but I could see him doing something like that. | ||
| Just as a discipline! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I could see him doing something. | ||
| He's a weird guy. | ||
| The Roth Show. | ||
| That's what he calls it. | ||
| I remember we were, again, with Nirvana, but this is another funny story I thought was... | ||
| One of the crew guys had worked with the Nuge, had worked with Ted Nuge. | ||
| And Kurt enjoyed hearing this story because, you know, the Nuge would hit the stage with an air ramp. | ||
| Like, he'd hit this air ramp, you know, like a stuntman, and he would shoot him over the amp. | ||
| But I guess, like, yeah, and so he'd come flying and, wow, with the guitar, and just go shooting over and land. | ||
| Land on what? | ||
| He would hit the stage. | ||
| How far would he fall? | ||
| From the top of a stack of marshals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| So it shot him off like a cannon. | ||
| But apparently, Kurt enjoyed it because I witnessed hearing the story about when he clipped the top of the speakers with his boot heels and just ate shit and landed on his guitar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kaboing! | |
| Well, his knees are all fucked up. | ||
| He hobbles really bad now. | ||
| I think he just had some serious knee operations. | ||
| It could be that air ramp. | ||
| Jesus, I'd imagine. | ||
| Aren't you glad we don't have to go out that way? | ||
| Flying over the fucking top of a truck with probably cowboy boots on or something stupid, right? | ||
| But, you know, every audience, you know, isn't red hot, you know? | ||
| I mean, there's got to be times where you go, poof, poof, over the amp, and the crowd's like, huh? | ||
| Staring at you. | ||
| Yeah, they're in a beer line. | ||
| I'm trying to get him to do the podcast. | ||
| He's going to be at the Canyon Club in July. | ||
| Why wouldn't he? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I want to get him. | ||
| Of course he will. | ||
| I shot an animal for him. | ||
| Just to be friends. | ||
| I went deer hunting just so I could call him my friend. | ||
| No, that's not why I did it. | ||
| But I really would like to get him in. | ||
| He's a fascinating character. | ||
| Of course he is. | ||
| And his hunting show, I watch his hunting show. | ||
| It's called Spirit of the Wild. | ||
| And is it the hunting? | ||
| Does he go around the world or is it his backyard? | ||
| The second part. | ||
| The latter. | ||
| When the Kimmel show was in Detroit, I pitched an idea that nobody bit. | ||
| And the idea was we were going to get the nuge, right? | ||
| We're going to get Ted on, and then we're going to take Guillermo and Uncle Frank and maybe someone else. | ||
| Go bowhunting. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I was just going to get them a paint gun and then make them the hardest prey and send them out in the streets and have Ted Nugent hunt Uncle Frank. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| And it was great because it was a snowstorm. | ||
| It would have been so fun. | ||
| That would have been really funny. | ||
| These guys running away from Nuge while he hits them with paintballs. | ||
| And it was in Detroit in the snow? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| That would have been hilarious. | ||
| I was just in Detroit this weekend doing stand-up, and then I went to Dallas and showed Willow Creek down there at a small festival called the Oak Cliff Festival. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| Nugent has this hunting show, and he sets food out, and then he climbs in a tree with a bow and arrow and just fucks these deer up. | ||
| Every day, he's fucking up a new deer that's going to eat his food. | ||
| Now, but see... | ||
| He eats them, and then he gives the food away. | ||
| If it's on his land... | ||
| Does he have to abide by Michigan law? | ||
| It depends on the animal. | ||
| He's not in Michigan anymore. | ||
| He's in Texas. | ||
| I'm kind of a fanboy. | ||
| I'm kind of a Ted Nugent fanboy. | ||
| So in Texas, can he just shoot... | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| If he owns an animal, can he kill it without having to abide by... | ||
| It depends. | ||
| Texas is one of the best places for that, for what they call high-fence operations. | ||
| animals that they keep in those high fence places that are not native. | ||
| They're like African animals, like scimitar. | ||
| So they don't have a season? | ||
| No. | ||
| Because they're from other... | ||
| They shoot them whenever they want to. | ||
| So you can shoot them every day if you chose. | ||
| So they come from another country. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| They go, this is pretty nice. | ||
| I'm getting three squares. | ||
| Holy shit, is that Ted Nugent? | ||
| Mom! | ||
| This is a fucking flying stick right through my heart. | ||
| My older brother, he's no longer with us, but he... | ||
| He was a poacher. | ||
| I mean, he just shot things all year long. | ||
| Well, that's really common in a lot of places. | ||
| In the Pacific Northwest, they were telling us how to poach. | ||
| When we were up there hunting for Bigfoot, there was a woman who worked at this store. | ||
| She was like, well, when we see elk, we just shoot them with a bow and arrow and nobody could hear it. | ||
| Well, my brother had everything figured out. | ||
| He had... | ||
| I brought Tony V out to his house once, and I'd given him some money to insulate his home, and I wanted to buy some new windows, and I wanted to make sure he used the money. | ||
| So I went to visit my brother, basically, and Tony, we get out of the car, and there's just corn, like psycho corn. | ||
| It's just growing up everywhere. | ||
| And Tony's, what's going on with the corn? | ||
| Because, you know, I mean, there's no rows. | ||
| And my brother's like, oh, that's for the deer. | ||
| You know, Bob, it's for the deer. | ||
| And Tony's like, oh, you help him through the winter? | ||
| He's like, I want to blast him! | ||
| I go up to the top floor of the window in the bathroom and it's shattered. | ||
| It's a fucking sniper's perch. | ||
| Yeah, I go, what happened to the bathroom window? | ||
| He goes, oh, recoil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Recoil. | |
| My brother... | ||
| He's shooting out the window. | ||
| On the toilet. | ||
| He's shooting deer from the toilet. | ||
| By the way, there's some guys who are going, wow, that guy had it all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had it all! | |
| All he's missing is a Q-tip in his ear while he's taking his shit and shooting a deer. | ||
| A lamb. | ||
| He'd be like, you know, he'd want to go hunting and meet me in the kitchen. | ||
| Oh, when we were leaving... | ||
| Tony V goes, hey, what is that over there? | ||
| What is that, like a woodchuck? | ||
| And my brother goes, yeah. | ||
| And then we're not even around the corner and we're, blam! | ||
| And Tony goes, I just fingered that woodchuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I go, yeah, you dropped a dime on that woodchuck. | |
| Why would you shoot a woodchuck? | ||
| Because he just shot animals. | ||
| He just, he went, his friends were telling me, you know, his stories were amazing, you know, stories I hadn't heard. | ||
| Oh, yeah, your brother, you know, because they... | ||
| There's a swan pond. | ||
| I was like, don't tell me he killed swans. | ||
| He goes, no, no, no. | ||
| But there was some big, I don't know what was in there, trout or something. | ||
| So they had taken acid and they were climbed over to the swan pond and were fishing and shooting. | ||
| He would go dynamite fishing. | ||
| That's why my life is like, you know, I had back surgery less than a month and a half ago. | ||
| It was my birthday at the end of May. | ||
| I get a ladder out, and the old man's like, what are you doing? | ||
| I go, well, I think it'd be fun to jump into the pool from the ladder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And she's like, that is a horrible idea. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I just see you slipping, the thing coming down, and the ladder. | ||
| Well, I'll give you an idea. | ||
| I was sitting at home, and... | ||
| And because of the back surgery... | ||
| What did you get done to your back? | ||
| I had some disc and bone spurs. | ||
| I feel great. | ||
| What did they do? | ||
| They took a little bit of my disc away and took out the bone spurs. | ||
| But I had other problems before. | ||
| I had nerves that were smashed into two vertebraes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That were making it so my leg just... | ||
| I couldn't walk. | ||
| I have back issues. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I have a disc, a bulging disc. | ||
| Oh, well, I have a dude when you want to cowboy up. | ||
| So they cut a piece of the disc away? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I got to tell you... | ||
| The surgery heals up and now my leg and I don't have back pain. | ||
| I lost 20 pounds because I have my life back. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| So I said that I've been sober since I was 19. But the thing with the back surgery, I had a break. | ||
| They put me on Dilaudid. | ||
| Holla! | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Have you had a lot of it? | ||
| No, but it's in cowboy movies. | ||
| Yeah, it's morphine. | ||
| So it's the shit that killed Lenny Bruce. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, so it's awesome, by the way. | ||
| It was the best thing ever. | ||
| I was trying to explain it, and I was like... | ||
| I said it's not, because people describe heroin as coming, as like, you know, like that. | ||
| And it's like, no, Dilaudid is like right after that and before regret, you know what I mean? | ||
| It's before shame and regret. | ||
| Right, the bridge. | ||
| It's that five-second window, and it lasts all day. | ||
| Where would you put NyQuil, like original NyQuil, the real shit? | ||
| Compared to Dilaudid? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a two. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, I'm telling you, man. | ||
| And I'm glad I went through this back surgery and when it was over, got off the dope. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you. | ||
| Were you nervous about that? | ||
| I was terrified. | ||
| Terrified. | ||
| And I gave it to the O-9. | ||
| Why did you need it? | ||
| Because of the pain. | ||
| I mean, the pain was so bad. | ||
| Post-surgery pain? | ||
| Pre and post, but the problem was that I have no sense of reality. | ||
| I don't know the difference between an ingrown toenail and a ruptured disc. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| It's just pain, you know what I mean? | ||
| So I was in so much pain. | ||
| But here's at one point, already I have a problem with good ideas and bad ideas. | ||
| So my friends are over the house. | ||
| And I say to my wife, I go, wouldn't it be funny if I shot a hole in the roof with a.22? | ||
| She goes, it wouldn't be funny at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I go, yeah, it'd scare the cats. | |
| This is why you're on Dilaudid? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| With a gun. | ||
| Yeah, well, at least. | ||
| Hunter Thompson Jr. over here. | ||
| At least I ran it by her. | ||
| Wow, thank God she's there for you. | ||
| She's like, no, that wouldn't be. | ||
| She's your filter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's amazing you need someone to tell you that. | ||
| Well, that was delighted. | ||
| But I will say, it's always, and I've passed this down to my daughter, it's always the funny story. | ||
| That outweighs everything else. | ||
| Like, later on, it's the funny story. | ||
| Well, that's also what's gotten you, I mean, as a comic, that's sort of what gets you, like, your life, your career. | ||
| Part of your livelihood is having these stories. | ||
| It's a valuable asset. | ||
| Well, like, I love that my daughter has it. | ||
| Well, that's cool. | ||
| She loves her daddy. | ||
| She went to a wedding. | ||
| She says, I didn't know anybody. | ||
| I go, well, what did you do? | ||
| She said, "During the first song, I ran out and humped the bride." People are like, "Who the fuck is that bride?" She really did that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| She always knows. | ||
| It's the story. | ||
| She's got the photos looked at. | ||
| Now, when you took this Dilaudid shit, you were 19, you quit doing everything, and then was it 19 to 50, and then there's nothing in between them? | ||
| Well, I had a back surgery before, so that was funny because at one point, like I said, I put it in the hands... | ||
| Of someone else. | ||
| I give it to my wife. | ||
| But do you give yourself a green light to do shit like that because you're in pain? | ||
| I had to talk to other folks and say, look, man, that had to explain, this is what this is for. | ||
| I've had surgery before, knee surgery, and I just dealt with the pain because I don't like Vicodin. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't like all that stuff. | ||
| All that stuff actually has a really weird reaction to me, and I become a big asshole. | ||
| Oh, that's interesting. | ||
| I become really nasty. | ||
| Does it make you cranky? | ||
| I'm just really an asshole. | ||
| I mean, I'm not like punching my wife, but I'm just short and I just tell her what to do. | ||
| So this was what worked. | ||
| I was on this the first time and she... | ||
| Did you ever try to do it without it? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. | ||
| It's too painful. | ||
| And they're going, this is crazy, you know? | ||
| And they actually just slammed morphine into my back, because they're going, this is crazy that you're walking around, you know? | ||
| And I thought, well, okay, I can handle it. | ||
| I'm sorry I interrupted you. | ||
| You know what I did? | ||
| I just vomited immediately. | ||
| But I was sitting there one day, and this is the first time, and I'm watching Lifetime, and I'm just sobbing. | ||
| And my wife comes in and she goes, you don't get any more pain medicine starting now. | ||
| I married a man. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| I did not marry a man that cries during Mommy May I Sleep With Danger, starring Tori Spelling, or whatever I was watching on Lifetime. | ||
| Lifetime movies made you cry. | ||
| Yeah, she's like... | ||
| Remind me. | ||
| She's like, that's it. | ||
| Remind me not to take that stuff, ever. | ||
| I don't want to cry, and I want to watch Lifetime movies. | ||
| I don't want either one of those things. | ||
| I was doing Q&A's for the movie on Dilaudid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| When I went to the Boston film. | ||
| Did you tell the people that you were on it? | ||
| Yeah, I just said, I'm really high. | ||
| Because what else was I going to do? | ||
| Now, was it painful just to sit down, just to sit up straight? | ||
| Did you feel it in your back? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It got to the point where sitting was a pain and walking was a pain. | ||
| Lower back? | ||
| Yeah, and it affected my life to the point where, I don't know if you're this way, but you go... | ||
| You measure things. | ||
| If I go to the store, that's going to hurt a lot. | ||
| It started affecting what you do to the point where I was 50 or in my late 40s and thinking like a senior citizen. | ||
| And now I'm back. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, back surgery is scary shit. | ||
| Back surgery is a spooky one for people. | ||
| Well, I have a great doctor, but it sounds like... | ||
| Are you worried about the controls surrendering it? | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| No, I've had a bunch of surgeries. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, I've had nose surgery, back surgery, I mean, knee surgery twice, three times, three knee surgeries. | ||
| What happened to your knee? | ||
| I tore my ACL in both knees, I had them reconstructed, and I tore my meniscus. | ||
| The first one was kickboxing, the second one was jujitsu. | ||
| And what happens? | ||
| Take me through that, like when it happens, you're like... | ||
| Well, the first one... | ||
| Do you think you broke your leg? | ||
| I knew something was really bad. | ||
| I knew something was really wrong. | ||
| Like it popped, it was a terrible tear, terrible pain. | ||
| The first one hurt a lot more. | ||
| The second one didn't even hurt. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| I was in what's called a half guard. | ||
| Someone's legs are wrapped around your legs and he extended his legs and my leg went sideways and just went snap like a carrot. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| It was like this pop noise. | ||
| I didn't even know the ACL was gone until I was walking. | ||
| I think it was in my office. | ||
| I was moving something and my leg just gave out on me. | ||
| That's really weird. | ||
| I already had my left done, so I knew that my right was probably fucked. | ||
| The first one, was that during a match? | ||
| No, it was training. | ||
| Both of them were during training. | ||
| How does the other guy feel? | ||
| It wasn't his fault. | ||
| Does he feel weird? | ||
| Oh yeah, he felt bad. | ||
| He felt terrible. | ||
| The guy, Will, the guy it happened to the second time, was a friend of mine. | ||
| He's a really nice guy. | ||
| And he feels terrible. | ||
| Yeah, when you train, I've had a guy's leg explode on me a couple of times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Two different times that I can remember. | ||
| One time the guy blamed me, but that was ridiculous. | ||
| It was just, it's just in the middle of scrambling. | ||
| Like sometimes your knee just gives out. | ||
| And then the other, one time a guy didn't tap in time, and his knee just exploded. | ||
| It just went pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. | ||
| But it was a weird situation. | ||
| It was like he didn't really have to tap. | ||
| Sometimes you can get out of things and you're real close and then in the middle of trying to get out of it, he was pretty close to getting out of it, his knee just gave out. | ||
| Got you. | ||
| It was a weird sort of a thing and it made this horrible loud sound. | ||
| Now that sounds to me, you're thinking that I'm crazy because I'm like, hey, I'm going to jump off the ladder. | ||
| I was going to get someone to steady it. | ||
| Well, it can be dangerous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like I said, I've had my nose opened up and fixed. | |
| It's a little insane, but it's also very intoxicating. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's a very exciting game. | ||
| Now you don't do it. | ||
| Sure I do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the only thing that's stopping right now is I have this little disc issue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But the disc is getting a lot better. | ||
| It's pretty close. | ||
| You've got to get it taken care of. | ||
| No, it's not like... | ||
| It was only a few millimeters, the bulge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| So it was something with spinal decompression and a bunch of different things. | ||
| I actually saw mine on the MRI, and it was like a comedic... | ||
| It looked like a bicycle tire. | ||
| It went like, bloop! | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| It was that big. | ||
| Do you remember how many millimeters it poked out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I mean, they put on the MRI, and the two doctors go... | ||
| Mine is actually asymptomatic right now. | ||
| It's just stiff. | ||
| But these things are the things. | ||
| This is the problem. | ||
| The problem? | ||
| The problem is by the time you figure out how to do it, what makes you happy, the wheels start falling off. | ||
| You were just telling me you might need to get glasses. | ||
| Yeah, no, I definitely should get reading glasses. | ||
| Well, I have actually reading glasses. | ||
| Like, when I look at things, like anything that close is kind of blurry. | ||
| Like, right there. | ||
| That's blurry. | ||
| But, like, my computer's fine. | ||
| Like, I can read everything on the computer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't need it. | |
| It's things that are close. | ||
| It's like my phone sometimes. | ||
| Like, sometimes when I wake up, I can't read a number. | ||
| I'm like, how the fuck? | ||
| Like, if I have to actually dial it on my home phone, I'm just looking like, what the fuck is that? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Then I have to go like that, and then I see it. | ||
| It's the cruel joke of time. | ||
| Yeah, time of the motherfucker. | ||
| You know, I hate to be so cliche, but as you get older, you're like, you know, that's, like I said, that's who I compete with now. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's one of the reasons why I think... | ||
| I'm not like going... | ||
| Wait a second. | ||
| Did the Grim Reaper get a Comedy Central special? | ||
| Motherfucker! | ||
| What do I gotta do? | ||
| Competing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You do wind up thinking you gotta get out more shit before you go. | ||
| I don't wanna be left behind. | ||
| Conflict is what builds everything. | ||
| It's what creates everything. | ||
| It's why anything's interesting. | ||
| Yeah, conflict or just pure enjoyment of whatever you do and that too. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Conflict kind of... | ||
| There's a bunch of things that can move it along, right? | ||
| Well, the cool thing is if you stop making the conflict being other people and you use your own demons as the conflict. | ||
| So then you don't have to create, you know. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| I can sit there and write a screenplay and not go down... | ||
| and not go to a terrible place. | ||
| Like, I go, nah... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, go back and forth with myself. | |
| When you create something like this movie or anything where you write it, do you sometimes get out of it and go, who the fuck wrote that? | ||
| It's almost like it comes from somewhere else. | ||
| Yeah, I think that it's almost like... | ||
| This sounds really trippy. | ||
| But I think a lot of this stuff... | ||
| Well, here, you're on stage, and you say something that you never said before, and it's not even derivative. | ||
| It's not something, you know what I mean, your buddies and you, or you guys discuss. | ||
| It's a brand new thought. | ||
| You kind of feel like it's just there already. | ||
| It's like this stream and then you reach up and you grab it. | ||
| And the big part of it is trying to... | ||
| I can't believe I'm not on Dilaudid right now. | ||
| But the big part of it is getting yourself out of the way so you can just grab that stuff. | ||
| That's a great way to describe it. | ||
| Because I'm terrible. | ||
| I'm a failure. | ||
| I'm a hack. | ||
| This has all been done before. | ||
| Nobody likes me. | ||
| It's so exhausting. | ||
| And that stuff is just having a big ego in reverse. | ||
| It's still a big ego. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're thinking about yourself instead of thinking about what you're doing or going zen and focusing on... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just make stuff. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Just make stuff. | ||
| That should be a shirt. | ||
| You know, make stuff or... | ||
| Just make stuff. | ||
| Or, you know, the other cliche, which is true. | ||
| You know, you're feeling bad, you know. | ||
| You know how you do something good. | ||
| Yeah, did you ever read any of Pressfield's stuff, like The War of Art? | ||
| No. | ||
| He talks about the muse, you know, and he talks about it and treats it like it's a real thing. | ||
| And it's kind of an interesting idea because, you know, people think of the muse, you know, the idea is that there's something that gives you these ideas, or something that you pay tribute to, and then it gives you ideas. | ||
| And he actually sort of actively courts it, like he actively... | ||
| Like, says, like, you know, I'm gonna respect the muse, I'm gonna show up at work every day, you know, and I'm gonna put in the hours, and when I put in the hours, the muse will come. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His philosophy on it is very enlightening, and it's inspiring because it makes you want to write. | ||
| It makes you want to create. | ||
| That attitude is a very beneficial attitude to have. | ||
| It's sort of spiritual and mumbo-jumbo and kind of crazy, but it's not. | ||
| I say the nicest compliment I've ever received is this friend of mine, Tom Link. | ||
| He saw a movie of mine, and he said, I want to go write. | ||
| Yeah, that's great. | ||
| And I was like, oh, that's nice. | ||
| I always feel that way when I go to a good comedy. | ||
| And the cynical me is like, what, he thought he could do better? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Dirty prick. | ||
| No, that was the nicest thing anyone's ever said, I think, after a movie. | ||
| Yeah, that is one of the coolest things about other artists that they inspire you to create more of it. | ||
| I truly don't know when I'm making these movies what they're about. | ||
| Later on, I'll say, oh, that's this character. | ||
| That's this person in my life. | ||
| And I have no idea until after they're done and I'm watching them. | ||
| My wife was like, you didn't get that this is just prettier people playing you and me in this movie? | ||
| I was like, I'm a fucking idiot. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| Well, listen, man. | ||
| Your movie's fucking badass. | ||
| I really wish you all the best in the world. | ||
| I will cherish these Bigfoot socks for the rest of my life. | ||
| And the posters are really rad. | ||
| My friend Alex Hardy made them. | ||
| We'll get one framed and we'll put it up on the Hall of Fame here. | ||
| Please do. | ||
| It's called Willow Creek. | ||
| Willow Creek. | ||
| If anybody wants to see it, what will be the availability? | ||
| It's still in some festivals, and as soon as I get a distribution of some level, I'd love to come back. | ||
| Probably I'd like to come back before then. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Dude, anytime. | ||
| And please, if there's anybody out there that has anything to do with the movie business, just check this out. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| You're going to enjoy the shit out of it. | ||
| We need fun movies. | ||
| It's a fun movie. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| I'm not going to say any more about it. | ||
| And you don't either, man. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It's one of those movies where you can't say, oh, I love that scene. | ||
| You can't even say it. | ||
| Enjoy the shit out of it, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| It's called Willow Creek, and we'll keep you updated as far as whatever Bob gets, whatever distribution. | ||
| We'll tweet it. | ||
| We'll put it out there for you. | ||
| I know people are going to want to check this out. | ||
| And if people want to get in touch with you or see any of your shows, do you have a website? | ||
| No, Grandpa's on Instagram. | ||
| That's about it. | ||
| What's the Instagram? | ||
| It's just Bobcat Goldthwait, all one word. | ||
| It's hard to spell, but, you know. | ||
| You can figure it out, folks. | ||
| So I'm on Instagram, and I'm pretty close to pulling the trigger on Twitter, maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah. | |
| Do it, please. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| We'll pump you up. | ||
| We'll have a contest to see how many Twitter followers we can get you in a day. | ||
| You have like a million? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's a little more than that. | ||
| You're like, hey man, who's in the numbers? | ||
| It's over a million, okay? | ||
| I don't know what it is now. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| All I know is I'm pretty close to 9,000 Instagram. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| 9,000. | ||
| 9,000 people looking at pictures of my cats. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of pictures of my cat, Squeaky Fromm, in my underpants. | ||
| We'll talk about that the next time. | ||
| Your cat is named Squeaky Fromm? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a dog named Squeaky Fromm. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Girl? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Redhead? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Oh. | ||
| Female pit bull. | ||
| Well, because she was red and I found her wandering the streets of Hollywood just like Manson. | ||
| Well, my dog killed two dogs. | ||
| That's a pretty badass dog. | ||
| She's kind of a crazy dog. | ||
| She's killed a boy dog. | ||
| She's not really... | ||
| She's not around anymore. | ||
| Yeah, she's not really Squeaky Frown then. | ||
| We had to take her out of the loop. | ||
| She was awesome though. | ||
| She loved me. | ||
| Anyway... | ||
| Squeaky Frown's my best friend. | ||
| I used to love Squeaky Frown, my dog too, so it's all good. | ||
| She's had a troubled childhood. | ||
| I got her a little too late. | ||
| I got her when she was already a year old and already crazy. | ||
| That cat I actually found. | ||
| Well, we'll wrap it up. | ||
| We'll talk about my cats the next time. | ||
| I got a lot. | ||
| I could go on for hours. | ||
| Bobcat Goldwaite, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| I know he has to pee, so we're going to wrap this motherfucker up nice and tidy. | ||
| He's going to pee. | ||
| You can see me on Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Thanks to Stamps.com. | ||
| Use the code word J-R-E and save yourself some money. | ||
| Thanks to Ting. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com to save yourself some cash as well. | ||
| Something's wrong with my Microsoft Word. | ||
| What the fuck is happening here? | ||
| And thanks to... | ||
| Who else was on this one? | ||
| Stamps.com. | ||
| Oh, LegalZoom. | ||
| Yeah, LegalZoom, bitches. | ||
| That's the newest one. | ||
| LegalZoom is our newest sponsor. | ||
| And if you go to LegalZoom.com and use the code word J-R-E, you'll save yourself some money. | ||
| No, it's Rogan. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| LegalZoom. | ||
| To get a special discount from listening to the podcast, enter the code name Rogan in the referral box for checkout. | ||
| For more savings. | ||
| Thanks to Onnit.com as well. | ||
| Go to O-N-N-I-T and use the code name Rogue. | ||
| And we'll be back tomorrow with my pal Aubrey Marcus. | ||
| And that'll be it for the week. | ||
| Because I gotta go out squatching. | ||
| I'm not done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm still. | |
| I'm looking for. | ||
| I got a lot of crazy shit going on this week. | ||
| I know I'm going in the fall. | ||
| Are you really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How dare you? | ||
| Bobcat Goldthwait. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| We'll see you guys. | ||
| We love you. |
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