Feb. 27, 2013 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:35:45
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Oh, sweet bitches. | ||
| Here we go again. | ||
| This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. | ||
| If you go to Audible.com forward slash Joe, you will get one free audiobook and you can try Audible free for 30 days. | ||
| It's a badass service. | ||
| It's one of the coolest ways to spend time Whether it's in traffic or, you know, stuck on a train somewhere in a plane or whenever you're just forced to just sit there. | ||
| It makes that time so much better to have a good audio book. | ||
| I've been a fan of audiobooks forever. | ||
| And Audible is taken to the next level with this thing they have called WhisperSync. | ||
| And this is an application they developed for the Kindle Fire HD. And what it is, is when you're reading a book, you read a book on the Kindle, and say like you get to page 10 and you fall asleep, when you get up in the morning and get in your car, Your car will start playing an audio version of the book right where you left off. | ||
| It's such a cool move. | ||
| I'm a huge, huge fan of that. | ||
| And Brian is pulling up hooker books, which I don't think you should be reading. | ||
|
unidentified
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Why? | |
| Because those books are boring as fuck. | ||
| Dude, a hooker book read to you? | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| Ew. | ||
| By some old bitch whose mouth is all like sandpaper from a million dicks been in there? | ||
| Xaviander Hollander. | ||
| Oh, I think she's, like, Xavier Hollander. | ||
| She was, like, when I was in, like, high school, she was, like, one of those first, like, B-movie freaks that would, like, do, like, Showtime, 2 o'clock in the morning movies. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, really? | |
| Yeah, they have these terrible, like, Cinemax movies. | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| Emmanuel 99. Yeah, there was a bunch of those. | ||
| Like, she would always, like, oh my god, I can't believe this is happening, like, find herself in a fucking closet with some dude fingering her. | ||
| What's cool is you can play samples on Audible, so you can get a sample of the narration, too. | ||
| So we can listen to a little bit of this happy guide to hooker's sex process. | ||
| Alright, let's see what we got. | ||
|
unidentified
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Have mind-blowing sex. | |
| And if you follow the advice herein... | ||
| Dude, that's not a hooker. | ||
| That's the operator. | ||
| She's terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
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Come on. | |
| Please dial six. | ||
| Yeah, please stick my mouth on your penis. | ||
|
unidentified
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You will not find advice in here about how to attract and seduce a mate. | |
| Oh. | ||
| That bitch has no soul. | ||
| That is a woman who's made entirely out of mayonnaise. | ||
| Yo, so you could get any audiobook. | ||
| Do you have an audiobook? | ||
| No, I don't have an audiobook. | ||
| Oh, I got my audiobook. | ||
| I don't know if they have it on there. | ||
| Did you read it? | ||
| Yeah, I read my own audiobook. | ||
| What is the name of the book? | ||
| Fresh Off the Boat. | ||
| Fresh Off the Boat. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Pull it up, Brian. | ||
| Let's see if they have some hooker reading it. | ||
| Oh shit, that's me. | ||
| But you didn't read it. | ||
| Did you read it? | ||
|
unidentified
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You read it? | |
| Oh, you did read it. | ||
| Well, they wouldn't have it with somebody else. | ||
| That would be insulting. | ||
| Could you imagine if they did a... | ||
| That dude just sucks at reading his own book. | ||
| I asked for William Hung. | ||
| I was like, that motherfucker from American Idol should read the book. | ||
| What happened to that dude? | ||
| Should we tell the waiter? | ||
| We should send these back. | ||
| You're better at talking sex than that chick. | ||
| Was that weird reading your own book? | ||
| Was that like a long process or was it kind of like, oh, it's kind of cool. | ||
| I get to read this whole book through. | ||
| No, it was weird, but I'm reading. | ||
| It was cool because I had only read my book twice when I edited it. | ||
| So reading the audio was the third time I read the book. | ||
| I was like, oh, this is a dope book. | ||
| It was funny, but it is weird to hear your own voice. | ||
| It takes like a half day to be like, that's my fucking voice. | ||
| You get used to that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| So go to audible.com forward slash Joe and you can pick up that book by Eddie Huang. | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| H-U-A-N-G. Yeah. | ||
| Eddie Huang. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Eddie Huang. | ||
| Fresh Off the Boat, a memoir. | ||
| So go. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| It's free. | ||
| How do you go wrong? | ||
| And you can't go wrong with Audible. | ||
| They're cool. | ||
| And they're our sponsor. | ||
| We're also sponsored by Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. Go and get yourself some kettlebells, bitch. | ||
| And become a more manly-fied version of yourself. | ||
| We got everything you need. | ||
| Between supplements, strength and conditioning equipment, we got exercise DVDs, blenders for making kale shakes. | ||
| We just try to sell you the coolest shit we could possibly find when it comes to... | ||
| Health, fitness, and wellness. | ||
| And if you use the code name ROGAN, you will save yourself 10% off any supplements. | ||
| Alright? | ||
| You dirty bitches? | ||
| Eddie Huang is here. | ||
| Let's get the party going. | ||
| Isn't it phonetic, the way Chinese to spelling? | ||
| The way you say your name, Huang, you picked an interesting way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
H-U-A-N-G. A-N-G. Yeah, it should just be like W-O-N-G. Yeah, it should be. | |
| Yeah, no, the Cantonese way is W-O-N-G, and then the silly Mandarin people spelled it H-U-A-N-G. Silly Mandarin people. | ||
| Because it does not sound like Huang. | ||
| Yeah, it's tricky, though, when you're going from characters. | ||
| Hit it, Brian. | ||
| Play the music. | ||
|
unidentified
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Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Showing my day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Powerful Eddie Wong is in the building. | ||
| That's H-U-A-N-G. What's up, motherfuckers? | ||
| For people searching W-O-N-G. Like us, silly, uninformed Americans. | ||
| It is funny that they have to change those characters And translate your name into English and put it into a sound and different people have disputes on how you should do that. | ||
| It's fucking crazy because it's like taking a photo and being like, how's that photo sound? | ||
| Huang. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, like, it's pretty impossible. | ||
| Yeah, well, the way you said that, it's like taking a photo, because the way you guys look at, like, language, the Chinese characters, it's totally different. | ||
| It's a different way of looking at the whole world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a mindfuck and a half right there. | ||
| It's kind of Caveman's tease, because it's like, alright, I want to say this, I'm going to draw it out, you know? | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| But it's cool. | ||
| It's very, like, it's an artistic fucking language. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I definitely like it a lot. | ||
| Well, it looks good on people when you tattoo it, too. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| But the funniest shit is white boy Asian tattoos. | ||
| I remember seeing one dude, he's like, hey, what's this say? | ||
| I'm like, motherfucker, that says energy on your arm. | ||
|
unidentified
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You're like a Red Bull ad, bitch. | |
| You wrote energy on your arm. | ||
| But that's what I am, man. | ||
| I'm all about energy. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fuckin' good energy. | |
| I'm all about positivity and chi. | ||
| I'm all about putting out my consciousness to the universe, the Chinese tattoos. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| They say that the Egyptian language of hieroglyphs is an even bigger mindfuck because they see everything in these symbols. | ||
| The way Americans and people who read English language, the way we look at sentences, it's completely different than if you tried to read hieroglyphics. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I don't read hieroglyphics, but I heard that shit is mad hard. | ||
| They needed the stone for it, the Rosetta Stone. | ||
| Yeah, they did. | ||
| Like, yeah, hieroglyphics is some shit. | ||
| That's even more caveman than Mandarin Chinese. | ||
| Like, Chinese is almost like refined hieroglyphics, but it still makes no sense. | ||
| Well, the fascinating thing about the hieroglyphics is that they depict all of the pharaohs, and they depict them from, you know, this whatever dynasty the... | ||
| You know the last pharaohs existed in to what gets into like fiction they think like 30,000 years like then they live in like hundreds years long and they're fucking 10 feet tall it gets like real wacky like that shit gets like super super old you know the stories got like more and more screwy before anybody bothered to write them down so it makes you wonder like man how long has that hieroglyphs writing actually been around you know? | ||
| Yo man salad tossing Yoshi He did give me the heads up. | ||
|
unidentified
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He was like, Joe Rogan reads a lot of books, motherfucker. | |
| Joe Rogan is a smart motherfucker. | ||
| Well, I'm just fascinated by weird shit, like the Egyptian culture. | ||
| Yeah, no, the Egyptian culture, that's the cradle. | ||
| I mean, that's where everybody came from. | ||
| Supposedly, yeah. | ||
| I mean, the only issue is that there's some new shit that they've been finding that's even older than that. | ||
| The real question when it gets to something like Egypt or anywhere, we've got some really, really old shit, is what happens if you find shit that's way older? | ||
| And what do you do then? | ||
| You can't say that Egypt was the oldest really advanced culture when you find Gobekli Tepe, which is in Turkey, which is 14,000 years old. | ||
| It's so much earlier than Egypt. | ||
| But not earlier than Africa in general, like the out of Africa theory, right? | ||
| Well, Gobekli Tepe is, right now, the oldest known complex structure that a human has ever built. | ||
| And they know that it's at least 14,000 years old. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, not only that, they know that it existed for thousands of years before it was intentionally covered. | ||
| And they've only, I think as of right now, they've only uncovered like 5% of the entire structure. | ||
| And it's enormous. | ||
| And there's a series of circles and stones. | ||
| But they've done like a – whatever they do with radio waves or whatever they do to map out what's going on under the surface. | ||
| And they've determined that it's massive. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 14,000 years ago. | ||
| So that's even older than Egypt. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That something was happening in Turkey before that. | ||
| Something huge. | ||
| Not just something. | ||
| People were able to – 14-foot stone columns that have been cut and moved. | ||
| Hundreds of tons of stone. | ||
| I mean these are like – this is advanced construction. | ||
| It doesn't dispel out of Africa though, right? | ||
| It doesn't necessarily, no. | ||
| No, because 14,000 years ago it still ain't shit. | ||
| I mean we're talking about human beings coming out of Africa and migrating. | ||
| It's like millions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like what is a human? | ||
| It gets to – is it – which different Australopithecus? | ||
| At what point in time do you decide it's an early human? | ||
| Because at one point in time, it's like fucking amoeba. | ||
| And it goes from amoeba to being a lower primate and to being a higher primate. | ||
| When is that? | ||
| That's true. | ||
| It's all how you frame it. | ||
| Yeah, because you wouldn't want to hang out with an Australopithecus guy. | ||
| Those fucking idiots. | ||
| They're going to be like a monkey man eating his own shit and fucking trying to kill your cat. | ||
| That's not a human. | ||
| It would be like almost a human. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, but I think civilization in Mesopotamia was, like, super advanced. | ||
| They know, like, 6,000 years ago. | ||
| And Turkey, now being 14,000 years. | ||
| Still, it could go back to, like, 30,000 years, and that ain't shit in terms of, like, the history of the Earth. | ||
| And that would be insane for us to think that 30,000 years ago they had, like, complex cities. | ||
| But it's super possible. | ||
| Yo, I was talking to someone this week at TED, too. | ||
| She was a cosmologist, and she was telling me that Life can survive on Mars and that people you can actually, if you're willing to commit, they will take you to Mars and you can be part of the first... | ||
| If someone was saying, Joe, I could put you on a space shuttle, you could go to Mars and you could be part of the first colony and you could basically be the fucking Genghis Khan of Mars, would you do it? | ||
| No, it's stupid because Mars is just like a shitty apartment on Earth. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
| It's like a shitty apartment that you can't get out of. | ||
| Once you get there, that's where you're stuck. | ||
| You can't go outside because there's no oxygen. | ||
| You've got to terraform, put a dome over it, and there's no atmosphere. | ||
| No, she thinks that life can survive out there without that shit. | ||
| Well, she's not. | ||
| There's parts of Mars that she believes can sustain life. | ||
| No, she's silly. | ||
| That's not correct. | ||
| But hypothetically, let's say it's correct. | ||
| Okay, hypothetically, let's say it was correct. | ||
| You could be the Don Dada of a planet. | ||
| But dude, it would have to be a very small area, because most of Mars doesn't have... | ||
| Is there possible that the atmosphere would vary that much, where one part would be sustainable? | ||
| It's all alien to me. | ||
| Are you sure she wasn't talking about terraforming? | ||
| No, she was talking about Mars. | ||
| She said life can sustain on Mars. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| That's what she was telling me. | ||
| But as it is. | ||
| And then she showed me a meteorite. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| I kind of got fucked up by the show and tell because the show and tell kind of fucking threw me off. | ||
| I was like, damn, you got a rock from there? | ||
| Terraforming means when you go to an inhospitable climate and you set up machines like in the movie Alien, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't see how there's any other way to live on Mars other than that. | ||
| I don't think that atmosphere is thick enough to sustain life. | ||
| And that would be so scary if those machines broke one day or something. | ||
| Everyone died at once. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, Jesus. | |
| And died slow of asphyxiation when the air slowly gets eaten up by you. | ||
| Yeah, if someone told me you could go to Mars and there's everything you need and it's terraforming and Con Ed was in charge, I would never fucking go. | ||
| Listen, man, even if it was... | ||
| You don't have Con Ed in LA, obviously, but in New York, Con Ed fucks everything up. | ||
| We have the same thing. | ||
| Who's your electricity dude that fucks shit up? | ||
| Edison. | ||
| L.A. was famous for the brownouts back in the day where they just started shutting power off and basically they didn't have to do it. | ||
| It was all a greed thing. | ||
| Somehow or another they were making a fuckload of money doing that. | ||
| I don't remember what the scam was but people I believe lost their job and even went to jail for that shit. | ||
| Those brownouts. | ||
| Yeah, no, but Mars, I was thinking. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fuck that. | |
| Man, I don't want to go to Mars. | ||
| She said, you can go, but you can never come back. | ||
| I was like, hell no. | ||
| Okay, let me ask you this. | ||
| Would you go to the desert? | ||
| Would you go to the middle of the Sahara where there ain't shit and it's dangerous and you could die out there for no reason? | ||
| I would go to see it, but never to go stay forever. | ||
| Hell no. | ||
| But that's Mars. | ||
| Mars is just like going out into the Mojave. | ||
| There ain't shit out there. | ||
| You know what she said, though? | ||
| She said mad people from her classes and the other professors she knows Wanted to go. | ||
| They were all wanting to sign up to go to Mars. | ||
| You gotta be an egotistical motherfucker to be like, I want to be the first one on this bullshit planet. | ||
| Well, some people are silly. | ||
| That's a silly thing to do. | ||
| To go to another planet where you can't get back. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Especially if Lance Bass is going. | ||
| Isn't he the one that's out in space and shit? | ||
| The Backstreet Boys or NSYNC dude in space? | ||
| Is he out in space? | ||
| He's tried? | ||
| He's trying. | ||
| He was one of the first ones. | ||
| Oh, he has done it, right? | ||
| He did it with the Russian cosmonauts, right? | ||
| I think so, yeah. | ||
| If they were like, you gotta go to Mars and Lance Bass is there, I would not fucking go. | ||
| That would be horrible. | ||
| Lance Bass gives good foot massages. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| He's cool to hang out with. | ||
| Oh, you got a foot massage from Lance Bass? | ||
| I said, maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
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Maybe. | |
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I think we're onto something. | ||
| It could be something better than going by yourself to Mars. | ||
| Maybe Lance Bass is a hell of a conversationalist. | ||
| And halfway through the six-month trip, you're like, this guy's starting to fucking grow on me. | ||
| He's like the White Lloyd from Entourage. | ||
| I never watched Hontor. | ||
| They kinda got like the same hair. | ||
| It was a horrible show. | ||
| I only watched it once. | ||
| I just watched to see what happened to the Asian dude. | ||
| And I don't know if it was a fair representative of the show. | ||
| I only watched it once and I was like okay what the fuck's going on here? | ||
| What are they watching? | ||
| Wasn't the Asian dude gay? | ||
| He was mad gay. | ||
| He was so funny. | ||
|
unidentified
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He ate a lot of Kung Pao. | |
| Would you go to Mars? | ||
| Would you? | ||
| If you knew it was dope, if you knew it was like Alaska in the summer, just beautiful, green... | ||
| Like they have the Bush Company? | ||
| I would go, you know? | ||
| No, if I could go to Mars and come back, hell yeah I would go. | ||
| If you could go and come back. | ||
| What if you could go and come back but it was only a 90% chance of success? | ||
| Success meaning life coming back? | ||
| Yeah, like 10% possibility that there might be a fucking solar flare while you're in the middle of the flight back and everybody in the plane gets cooked. | ||
| No, I wouldn't need 100%. | ||
| I won't even get laser eye surgery. | ||
| 200%. | ||
| My brothers all got laser eye surgery. | ||
| I was like, you Chinese, you should not be fucking with your eyes. | ||
| You already fucked up and now you're going to introduce this new element of surgery? | ||
| Hell no. | ||
| Well, they supposedly had it down pretty good. | ||
| What level would you be willing to do it? | ||
| Like, 200%? | ||
|
unidentified
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200%. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think that's... | ||
| How could they do that? | ||
|
unidentified
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It doesn't even make any sense. | |
| Like, there's a 200% shit. | ||
| No, it would need to be 100% that I would come back. | ||
| But even if... | ||
| 100%. | ||
|
unidentified
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Because I love Earth. | |
| Earth is some shit. | ||
| Air flight's not 100%, you know? | ||
| Come from New York to LA. You might as well. | ||
| Look... | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Alright, if it was at 97%, I would go. | ||
| I'll deal with a 3%, like, plus minus. | ||
| I would imagine that if people keep going the way we're going now, in a thousand years from now, getting to Mars would be just like going to New York. | ||
| Oh, that would be awesome. | ||
| If we don't blow each other up in a thousand years, just imagine what we've done in 200 years. | ||
| In a thousand years, there'll be plane flights to Mars. | ||
| That would be dope. | ||
| It'd be so fast, like... | ||
| Five hours later, you're on Mars. | ||
| Did you say your percent was 7%? | ||
| 97. Oh, 97. Yeah. | ||
| I would love to go. | ||
| I would love to go. | ||
| I just want to see that shit. | ||
| If you had a choice between going to another planet or going back in time. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| That's a good call. | ||
| Because going back in time, you kind of know what you could see. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, man, going back in time... | ||
| Well, I would probably... | ||
| You know, I would want to go to Mars because going back in time, the other times we've had, it's like less amenable. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, there's more diseases. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You don't get killed as easily. | ||
| Like, you get shanked. | ||
| You know, when you die back in the day, you get shanked. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not like a bullet in the head. | ||
| You could die easily now. | ||
| I would rather go to the future than go backwards. | ||
| For safety's sake. | ||
| Not just safety's sake, but I want to see the next shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's not really... | ||
| I'm not like Woody Allen where there's a period in time where I would love to be a 1920s Paris. | ||
| Woody Allen! | ||
| You know, I would love to be a 1930s Italian. | ||
| You know, like, hell no, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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Like, motherfuckers didn't have AC. Well, I'm with you. | |
| I would way rather see the future, like a peak at the future than a peak at the past. | ||
| But if I had to choose between going to Mars or going to the past, I'd take the past without a doubt. | ||
| I would love to see how people lived thousands of years ago. | ||
| Yeah, man, to just peek in on Genghis Khan. | ||
| Oh, hell yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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But yo, you would get fucked up so heavy going to see Genghis Khan. | |
| Like, that's... | ||
| I thought about it. | ||
| I would ride with Genghis Khan. | ||
| I'd be, motherfucker, I ride for you. | ||
| Just pull up in a tank. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Pull up in a tank, light these motherfuckers on fire with machine guns. | ||
| They won't know what's going on, and you would be the king. | ||
| You'd be like, Genghis, you have to suck my dick in front of everybody. | ||
| Oh, see, I want to go back in time with a fucking, like, iPad... | ||
| And be with Genghis Khan and just be like, yo, you're the original Rough Rider. | ||
| You're like DMX before DMX, motherfucker. | ||
| You're the fucking chinky-eyed DMX. I want to film this shit and make a Rough Riders video with all you Mongolians on horses and fucking crossbows and shit. | ||
| He would make you eat your own calves. | ||
| That's what he would do. | ||
| Saw your calf off and make you cook it and eat it. | ||
| He would rob me from my iPad and throw me in a pot. | ||
| You know, like, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Chilling with Genghis Khan would suck, dude. | |
| He would either fuck my mom and be like, I want to genetically duplicate myself and your mom, or chop me up and put me in a pot. | ||
| I've been listening to Dan Carlin. | ||
| He would Mongolian barbecue my ass. | ||
| Dan Carlin was our guest on Monday, and he has a podcast called Hardcore History, and right now it's all about the Mongols. | ||
| That's all he's been talking about. | ||
| I love the Mongols. | ||
| It's like the illest civilization ever. | ||
| Great barbecue. | ||
| Listen, man, their style is like meat over fire, because that's what you do when you're raping and killing people. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's that baby corn that Mongolians have. | |
| It's so amazing. | ||
| Baby corns. | ||
| What is it about baby corn that's so much more exciting than regular corn? | ||
| That Mongolian produce, that fucking baby corn. | ||
| The story of the Mongols and how much they accomplished and they took over countries and then they would force the people in that country to go with them to war and they would become soldiers. | ||
| They would invade Poland and steal Polish people. | ||
| They made French people fight against other Europeans. | ||
| They go, bitch, you're coming with us and you're going to be us now. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| Are you going to fight for us or are you going to die right now? | ||
| I'll fight. | ||
| And they just start fighting other people. | ||
| They incorporate them into their army. | ||
| They had crazy strategies. | ||
| Everyone joined their crew. | ||
| Everyone joined their crew. | ||
| He was basically Drogo from Game of Thrones in real life. | ||
| But even more fucked up, because after you would conquer, like, the people that were left, they would say, okay, congratulations, we won, there's no one left to kill, so you're free to go. | ||
| And then three miles later, they'd fucking run them down and hack them to bits. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Oh, dude! | ||
| This Dan Carlin guy, he's a trip, man. | ||
| He's a serious historian, and especially this whole period that he's going over right now. | ||
| It's fucking great to live in 1200 years. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| The nutty shit that that guy was going through. | ||
| They said that some insane percentage of the population of that area has his DNA. Oh, he's the most duplicated man in the world. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| Like, if there's one person... | ||
| I love myself. | ||
| I'm not an egotistical dude, but I do kind of like myself. | ||
| If I could be any other man, though, it would be Genghis Khan, no doubt. | ||
| Like, I wouldn't think twice. | ||
| Genghis Khan is the hardest motherfucker ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He got a lot of pussy. | |
| But you wouldn't want to be so mean. | ||
| He was so mean. | ||
| Would you want to be that mean? | ||
| If you went back in time like that though, you couldn't be that mean. | ||
| You'd be like, God, why are we torturing everybody? | ||
| But that's so much pussy, Joe. | ||
| I mean, that was tons of pussy. | ||
| Well, it was constant. | ||
| It was constant pussy. | ||
| Yeah, they would steal each other's wives and shit back then. | ||
| We were like chimps with swords. | ||
| That's what human beings were like. | ||
| If you could give chimps a bunch of swords, they would do terrible, horrible shit. | ||
| We don't think about human beings as being capable of doing terrible, horrible shit. | ||
| But even today, if you look at some of the accounts of what's going on in North Korea, like those North Korean slave camps. | ||
| Syria? | ||
| Oh man, it's bad. | ||
| There's parts of the world. | ||
| There's always going to be parts of the world where it's terrible. | ||
| And people are capable in those parts of the world of doing shit that you only read about in history books. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you see Dennis Rodman going to North Korea? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Insane. | ||
| Yes, I tweeted that today. | ||
| Is he out of his fucking mind? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| They're not going to like him in North Korea. | ||
| I don't think he understands what North Korea is. | ||
| He's going over there to do some sort of a Harlem Globetrotters thing. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Americans can't really wrap their head around how fucked up North Korea is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| It's fucked up. | ||
| It's Nazi Germany. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just like Nazi Germany. | ||
| I was gonna say, you're walking into like Hitler's country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| The whole country is- Anyone trying to leave, they kill at the border. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| And there's so many slaves. | ||
| They have so many slaves and they have these slave colonies where they're making these people work for like half a bowl of rice a day. | ||
| They're starving to death. | ||
| They keep them just barely above starving. | ||
| They beat them to death constantly. | ||
| They feed them to dogs. | ||
| Like people that have escaped, who have told stories- The human rights violations that we're hearing from North Korea, like all that shit about going to Iraq, you know, because we're going over there to fucking protect lives and enforce democracy. | ||
| If we really wanted to protect lives, we would be in North Korea right now. | ||
| We would be in North Korea, we'd be in Syria. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| That place, especially North Korea, I'm more familiar with that than I am with what's going on in Syria. | ||
| But North Korea is a crazy mess right now. | ||
| No, absolutely. | ||
| Our country is not a country that's out there benevolently... | ||
| It's just really to protect the business interests at hand. | ||
| Which movie did you want to win the Oscar? | ||
| I'm curious. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about the Oscars. | ||
| I think that awards for art are some of the dumbest things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| To judge art. | ||
| I'm interested though, just because I'm like, will they pick the right one this year? | ||
| I'm only curious to see if one day they'll do the right thing. | ||
| Django was the best shit out. | ||
| Django was the hardest movie out this year. | ||
| It should have won. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was a great movie. | ||
| And even though it was three hours, it never lost my attention. | ||
| No. | ||
| That movie kept me going the whole time. | ||
| And like to do Argo, right, you're just basically recreating some shit to happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I don't believe it. | ||
| But see, both of those movies, the problem with those movies is they're based on real events and they add a bunch of bullshit to them. | ||
| And it's not real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They add a bunch of bullshit to them. | ||
| And when you add a bunch of bullshit, like the woman that was responsible for everything in Zero Dark Thirty that made the whole thing happen, you're going to go kill him for me. | ||
| That bitch didn't exist. | ||
| No. | ||
| She's not a real human. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can't do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like you can't just add people to historical movies. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Plus, if someone was going to find Bin Laden, it wouldn't be a ginger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It might be. | |
| They're good at finding dicks! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Yeah, I mean, look, the lady was a great actor. | ||
| The movie was very well done, but I call shenanigans. | ||
| You can't just create a fucking fictional character that figures it all out. | ||
| And there was no George Bush. | ||
| Like, you're going to do the whole fucking movie with no dumbass George Bush fucking it up? | ||
| The whole thing was weird. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It was a weird movie, man. | ||
| It was a very weird movie. | ||
| But I remember watching Django and I was like, if this shit doesn't win the Oscars, it's bullshit. | ||
| It is bullshit. | ||
| It's bullshit. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| Look, Titanic was not a good movie. | ||
| No. | ||
| It was not a good movie. | ||
| It won the Oscars. | ||
| You know what's good about Titanic? | ||
| Special effects were fucking incredible. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| It was a vehicle. | ||
| For showing what's possible cinematically with special effects in 19, whatever the fuck it was, 90-something. | ||
| Dare you talk bad about Leonardo. | ||
| But as far as like a script, it's like really obvious, you know? | ||
| It was hot trash. | ||
| More obvious than Avatar. | ||
| Avatar was like knocked for being obvious, but I thought Avatar was even more creative with like the crazy plants that you can plug into. | ||
| Yeah, and the screenplay was slightly better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like slightly better. | ||
| And also Avatar was actually like, in terms of special effects, even more progressive. | ||
| - Yeah, even more. | ||
| - Avatar was on some shit. - But that's almost like what Cameron's movies are. | ||
| It's like they're, like, he doesn't stray too far from the path when it comes to like a storyline, but he provides you with the state-of-the-art shit. | ||
| He takes the bar and just blows it through the stratosphere. | ||
| No one came close to Avatar yet. | ||
| That movie's insane. | ||
| The visual experience, especially if you go to IMAX 3D. Motherfucker, man. | ||
| Just when those dudes were popping out of their little sleep tanks and floating through the air, you're like, this movie is badass. | ||
| Yeah, I remember when I saw Up in 3D, and I was like, this is the worst use of 3D ever. | ||
| Like, it just made the Asian kid chubbier. | ||
| Yeah, there's some movies that don't really do a good job with it, but Avatar was stunning. | ||
| It was more than just a movie. | ||
| I mean, two best movies this year was fucking Django and Wreck-It Ralph. | ||
| Wreck-It Ralph was one of the best movies of the year. | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| I don't even know what you're talking about. | ||
| Oh, you gotta watch Wreck-It Ralph. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Yo, you would love it. | ||
| I've never heard of it. | ||
| It's all your favorite characters from fucking video games in a video game world and it's an animated feature about all your favorite video game characters. | ||
| He might not like it because he's not that big into the video games. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| This was a release in the film? | ||
| This is a Disney movie. | ||
| Sarah Silverman is in it. | ||
| John C. Rowley. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| I've never even heard of it until just now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Goddammit, there's too much to know. | ||
| Watch it with the chick that's the closest one to being your best chick in your stable. | ||
| That's the one you should watch it with. | ||
| Best chick in your stable. | ||
| I would recommend watching it with your kids. | ||
| They might like it. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, okay. | ||
| Wreck-It Ralph. | ||
| Wreck-It Ralph. | ||
| It's got car racing in it. | ||
| I haven't even heard of it before. | ||
| Oh, it's on iTunes right now. | ||
| That's crazy, man. | ||
| When something is badass and you haven't even heard of it before. | ||
| I mean, bison from Street Fighters. | ||
| Yeah, that's the best is when you're like, wait, that missed me and now I have something to do this weekend? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Who were we talking to recently that never heard of Grizzly Man? | ||
| We're like, what? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Have you heard of it? | ||
| The documentary? | ||
| I have not. | ||
| God damn it, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How could we... | |
| But I'm also Chinese. | ||
| When was this? | ||
| Grizzly Man? | ||
| Fairly recently. | ||
| Oh, I kind of miss certain cultural things. | ||
| Six years ago, maybe? | ||
| Something like that? | ||
| Grizzly Man is a movie about a dude who lived with the bears and got eaten by the bears. | ||
| Yeah, people told me about this, but I was like, I'm not interested. | ||
| It wasn't in the World Journal. | ||
| You need to smoke a joint and watch this and laugh. | ||
| He got eaten by a bear? | ||
| Laugh your dick off at this silly, silly bitch. | ||
| This guy might be the silliest bitch to ever go camping. | ||
| He was crazy and the bear ate him at the end of the movie. | ||
| It's fascinating because it's not meant to be funny. | ||
| It's a Werner Herzog film. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's not meant to be funny, but it's just funny. | ||
| I mean, it's like the perfect Coen Brothers movie. | ||
| You know how Coen Brothers movies, it's like... | ||
| Yeah, dark and... | ||
| Yeah, accidentally funny almost. | ||
| It's like Fargo. | ||
| Fargo's a funny fucking movie. | ||
| Fargo's amazing. | ||
| But yeah, I didn't even understand Fargo until I was 20. When you're younger and watching, you're like, what is going on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Why do they do this? | ||
| And then you're older, you're like, I fucking hate people. | ||
| I hate you. | ||
| Die. | ||
| All of you in the wood shit machine. | ||
| When you get used to people being bullshit artists, that's when the salesman and his fucking true coat become so much more entertaining. | ||
| When you run into one of those bullshit salesmen who's just trying so hard to sell you this shit. | ||
| Fucking bullshit that you spray in the bottom of your car. | ||
| You hit 19 and then you just want to see people die. | ||
| Then you want to see them die. | ||
| It's so unfortunate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why is that? | |
| Not all of them, just the cunts of the world. | ||
| Just some of them. | ||
| Just the useless fucks clogging it up for everybody else. | ||
| Yup. | ||
| Yeah, but that movie, Grizzly Man, is a must. | ||
| I watched that. | ||
| It's a must. | ||
| Is there a must that you would like to recommend to people? | ||
| Do you have a must that you tell people, like you have to see this? | ||
| Man, I mean, this year was Wreck-It Ralph and Django, but before that, I mean, hmm. | ||
| It's been Grizzly Man since I saw it. | ||
| That's all I recommend to people. | ||
| No, those are my ones this year, but no, yeah, I don't have like a go-to must movie. | ||
| Can you imagine how big a grizzly bear is compared to that werewolf out there? | ||
| Yo, that werewolf would fuck me up. | ||
| It would fuck you up, but a grizzly would eat that werewolf. | ||
| A grizzly would be like, bitch, get the fuck over here. | ||
| Really, the grizzly is bigger than the werewolf? | ||
| That werewolf is big, man. | ||
| That werewolf is fucking big. | ||
| That's only like seven feet long. | ||
| Have you seen Spirited Away? | ||
| Why don't you tell me what that is? | ||
| Spirited Away is an animation, the Japanese animated film. | ||
| Yeah, and it's really, really trippy. | ||
| And it's a real cool animation to see while you're really stoned. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How old is this? | |
| 2001, I think. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I think I have seen that. | ||
| What's the guy's name? | ||
| Heyo Miyake or something? | ||
| Something like that? | ||
| It's a good movie. | ||
| I do believe I've seen that, now that I think about it. | ||
| I think I have. | ||
| It's with the little girl and the big cat and the weird faces and stuff. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| Yeah, I do think I've seen that. | ||
| Is that yours? | ||
| That's one of my... | ||
| That's one of my... | ||
| I have movies that I can watch over and over and over again. | ||
| That's one of them. | ||
| That's relaxing. | ||
| It can't get annoying because it's so relaxing and calm and cool. | ||
| That's the opposite of Grizzly, man. | ||
| I thought Tron was pretty cool, too. | ||
| The new Tron. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| You would recommend that? | ||
| I wouldn't recommend it, but I think that year, that would have been in my handful of movies. | ||
| I just thought it was trippy to watch. | ||
| Well, I think to you, it represented the old days, the old Tron. | ||
| I was a huge Tron fan. | ||
| Yeah, if you're a Tron fan, I can see it, but it was a piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah, it was cool to watch. | ||
| The special effects were weird. | ||
| It's like it was so obvious it wasn't really a young him. | ||
| It was like they did something to his face and turned him into a young him. | ||
| That was creepy. | ||
| I mean, I guess the one film I recommend to everyone is Kill a Season. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Cameron's Kill a Season. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Juel Santana's in it. | ||
| All the Dipset dudes are in it. | ||
| It's like the worst made film. | ||
| Who are the Dipset dudes? | ||
| Oh, you don't listen to the Dipset? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Am I alone in knowing what the dip set is? | ||
| Yo, y'all don't know the dip set? | ||
| Y'all don't know the dip set. | ||
| My grandfather's rolling over his grave. | ||
| I told you these fucking kids today. | ||
| Y'all don't know the dip set. | ||
| Did you just ask my grandson? | ||
| Y'all don't know the dip set. | ||
| Son of a... | ||
| Put your fucking pants up. | ||
| I just put you on to some shit, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| Because you need to get Diplomatic Immunity 1, Diplomatic Immunity 2, and then watch Killer Season. | ||
| What are we talking about? | ||
| Killa Season has Dominican women shitting cocaine out of their asses. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Did you guys... | ||
| I was going to bring this up yesterday. | ||
| Did you guys hear about this guy who got arrested with a hundred bags of heroin up his ass? | ||
| No. | ||
| A hundred bags? | ||
| A hundred bags. | ||
| It was a traffic stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is his asshole a sinkhole? | |
| You have a sinkhole in your pants, sir. | ||
| It's a hundred bags of heroin, man. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, a hundred... | ||
| The man... | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Oh, my. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, I look, I look, this... | |
| Killer Season? | ||
| No, no, this one. | ||
| Okay, this guy just had one. | ||
| Okay, the other guy had it in his ass. | ||
| One guy just had 200 bags. | ||
| I'm like, did someone just take it to the next level and go, 200 bags? | ||
| Oh, there we are, Hellrell and Jewels, right here. | ||
| This is from Killer Season. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm watching my bag every second right now. | |
| And this is a movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That new white shit is moving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, new white shit is killing the block right now. | |
| This is so amazing. | ||
| This is a terrible movie. | ||
| This movie is amazing, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You already know, my nigga. | |
| You gotta watch this shit. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what it is. | |
| That's clockwork. | ||
| This is like that ASAP Rocky song that they're playing right now. | ||
| Yes, they are all from Harlem. | ||
| All these dudes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You got to watch Killer Season. | ||
| So this dude gets busted on the Palisades Parkway. | ||
| They pull him over in his 2005 Mitsubishi Lancer, and he's acting real weird. | ||
| And so they decide to bring him in. | ||
| So they bring him in and they open up his ass. | ||
| They just gave him a cavity check. | ||
| I mean, the guy didn't do anything wrong. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, they pulled him over. | ||
| He just looked weird. | ||
| He was tweaking out on his own. | ||
| Something was going on with him, man. | ||
| He was pulled over. | ||
| I mean, routine traffic stop. | ||
| But they detected a smell of marijuana. | ||
| And that's where they... | ||
| That's where they got him. | ||
| And they brought him in because they smelled marijuana. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And he had 100 bags of heroin up his ass. | ||
| And you can't put 100 bags of heroin up your ass while the cops are going from their car to your car. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| So he was driving around with those packed up his ass. | ||
| What an idiot. | ||
| Why would you drive around and smoke weed with 100 packs of heroin in your ass? | ||
| Well, I think he's just one of those guys. | ||
| That's his move. | ||
| Maybe it's like how Russian chicks would put Benoit balls in their pussy to tighten up their fuck muscle. | ||
| Maybe this dude was just like exercising his ass storage. | ||
| His starfish. | ||
| Yeah, he's just working out that starfish. | ||
| Or maybe he didn't trust his roommates. | ||
| Like, man, if I leave this 100 bags of heroin later, all these motherfuckers are going to sell it. | ||
| He went to the gym. | ||
| He's like, man, I can't fit it in my pocket. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't leave it in my dash. | |
| Let's work out that starfish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The glove box is full. | |
| Maybe I just stuffed this up my ass. | ||
| Can I fit 100 bags? | ||
| Well, let's see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Five? | |
| Six? | ||
| Wow, am I really going to get 94 more bags? | ||
| Have you ever put anything up your ass, like a pill or anything ever? | ||
| No. | ||
| Washcloth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Washcloth? | |
| Yeah, finger in the end of a washcloth. | ||
| Oh, I've never done that. | ||
| Yeah, clean it out. | ||
| Make sure you get the inside. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That seemed like a good idea. | ||
| Inside the rim. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Like an ass manicure? | ||
| A little soap. | ||
| A little soap, a little polish. | ||
| Oh, interesting maneuver. | ||
| Yeah, I've never done that. | ||
| No, have you? | ||
| No, I've never even taken a thermometer. | ||
| A thermometer, yeah. | ||
| I had a doctor stick a finger up my ass once. | ||
| Yeah, I had to, like, when you're a kid, when you have a fever, they fucking put, like, Advil in your ass, I think. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| I've never been into the girl putting a finger in my ass. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Never had that happen. | ||
| But they say it's amazing. | ||
| It's so... | ||
| I just... | ||
| I don't want to go there. | ||
| I'm not going to open that box. | ||
| It's supposed to be amazing, though. | ||
| It could be amazing. | ||
| It's supposed to be like a prostate massage thing, and you shoot like a fucking... | ||
| Broken fire hydrant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, I think you're pretty much saying that you've done it. | |
| No. | ||
| I would admit it, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So the third sponsor of the podcast is Fingers in the Ass. | |
| So guys, go to forward backslash Joe Rogan, fingeruptheass.com. | ||
| 10% and get a pinky. | ||
| Don't ask for the... | ||
| Use the code name, don't ask for the third finger. | ||
| And you can save yourself 10% off embarrassment. | ||
| Yeah, because a girl, like, if she's like, You want me to put a second finger? | ||
| And you're like, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What about a third? | ||
| Okay, no. | ||
| No. | ||
| Third? | ||
| No, you're fucked up. | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| You want three fingers? | ||
| You want to meet three fingers up his ass. | ||
| Oh, you need to get out. | ||
| You need a better man in your life. | ||
| Yo, can I take a piss break real quick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
My bad. | |
| You've never had a girl try? | ||
| I've had a girl try. | ||
| A lot of them always try, like, jokingly. | ||
| You've never let it happen? | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| Never. | ||
| That tickles and makes me feel gross. | ||
| I'm one of the people that believe or subscribe... | ||
| Into the thing that you're not allowed to look at it. | ||
| You're not allowed to see it. | ||
| You're not allowed to smell it. | ||
| You're not allowed to touch it. | ||
| I don't want anything around my asshole. | ||
| Nothing around your asshole. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Hey man, whatever. | ||
| It's my dirty place. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| It's probably a mess. | ||
| I mean, I don't see you grooming. | ||
| I don't see you getting down there with a fucking mirror and a Bic 3 blade. | ||
| Who has time for that, Joe? | ||
| Polishing that area up nice. | ||
| Cleaning it up for company. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| But meanwhile, if a girl's going 69 on you, her eyeballs are like fucking inches away from that dirty disaster of an asshole of yours. | ||
| Do you let girls eat your ass? | ||
| Do you let them toss your salad ever? | ||
| Have you ever had that? | ||
| I've never had that. | ||
| I've had girls get to the balls and the taint, but I've never had a girl just nom nom nom on your ass. | ||
| And you eat ass, right? | ||
| I've seen it in porn. | ||
| You've seen it in porn. | ||
| Look, there's certain things we can't discuss in this program. | ||
| Whether I eat my wife's ass is one of them. | ||
| No, I mean, in the prior. | ||
| That's even less likely to be brought up. | ||
| Chicks don't want to hear about that. | ||
| So, it was okay to eat ass before we were married. | ||
| I didn't even know you! | ||
| I didn't know you existed! | ||
| I ate a little ass before I knew you existed! | ||
| Whatever! | ||
| You couldn't have waited until it was the special one. | ||
| You couldn't have waited. | ||
| Eating ass is something that came later to me in life, like, you know, like, blue cheese. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, you don't like blue cheese most of your life, and then one day you're like, you know, this is really good. | |
| Like, I didn't like eating ass. | ||
| Now I love eating a girl's ass. | ||
| It's one of my favorite things ever. | ||
| Well, like, how long ago did this start for you? | ||
| Like, when you started dating freaks? | ||
| No. | ||
| Because you went through the Brian Red Band. | ||
| You went into your Brian Red Band freak period a few years back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Coincidentally, right when we started doing this podcast, Yeah, I think it was right around that time, maybe right before. | |
| You got introduced into the world of girls with troubled childhoods, and then, boom, you were off to the races. | ||
| 33 or 34 years. | ||
| You were off to the races. | ||
| And the problem is, when you deal with the world of uber-freak professional sex workers, essentially, that's what you're dealing with. | ||
| And then to try to go from that to some girl who was working on her accounting degree, Is there any hope? | ||
| Or are you kind of spoiled? | ||
| I'm spoiled, right? | ||
| Yeah, you're fucked. | ||
| Well, you know, look, man, let's be honest. | ||
| You're batting quite a bit over your head. | ||
| And that's hard to keep going in the regular world. | ||
| Because in the regular world, girls will eventually get mad at you. | ||
| In the porn world, they're just happy that they have a man. | ||
| They're happy that someone's there for them and someone loves them. | ||
| Someone doesn't just treat them as something to just come inside of. | ||
| So they want to be cuddled and taken care of. | ||
| Do you go back and watch Nickelodeon? | ||
| You don't go watch Nickelodeon. | ||
| Once you've seen all the other shit, you don't go watch Nickelodeon. | ||
| I loved Doug at the time, but I don't watch Doug anymore. | ||
| There's a style of super sexual woman that you're only going to get from a chick that's probably willing to do porn. | ||
| Like a girl who wants to have threesomes with you, a girl who wants to eat your ass while you're fucking another girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just telling Brian that I see his future. | |
| You're going to have to go gay, is what I'm trying to say. | ||
| It's not going to work out if you get rid of... | ||
| The final frontier for you, dude, is dudes. | ||
| For real, I think that if you just want to fuck, it's way more fun to just date a bunch of freaks. | ||
| I mean, if you're just trying to fuck... | ||
| The problem is, if you want to, like, really settle down and have a relationship, a lot of girls who have been involved in the adult industry, in quotes, they've had a fucked up past. | ||
| And you're dealing with, like, a deficit. | ||
| Do you think if a woman's a nympho and you date a nympho for, like, a year and a half, two years... | ||
| That you would then become a nympho because you have to be on her same... | ||
| It's like, you know... | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I think it's a theme park that you leave. | ||
| A theme park that you leave. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| That's a good way of looking at it. | ||
| Yeah, there's some girls... | ||
| There's some girls... | ||
| I dated a girl once that couldn't come. | ||
| She couldn't come. | ||
| Like, she never had orgasms. | ||
| But she wanted to fuck all the time. | ||
| It was craziness. | ||
| They want to keep trying. | ||
| No, she couldn't do it. | ||
| Everybody says, oh, you just didn't know how to make her cum. | ||
| She didn't even know how to make her cum. | ||
| Nobody knew how to make her cum. | ||
| Wait, she could never finger herself and make herself cum. | ||
| There was like one way where she could get herself to cum. | ||
| But it was really hard, and it didn't always work. | ||
| But it was like one position. | ||
| The whole thing was a real crazy sort of situation. | ||
| Because you knew that sex feels good for her, but you always felt guilty because she couldn't cum. | ||
| She'd get wet and shit, right? | ||
| Oh yeah, she loved to fuck. | ||
| That was the crazy thing. | ||
| It's like something was off, you know? | ||
| But she wanted to fuck all the time. | ||
| But if you date a girl who wants to fuck all the time and then you date a girl who doesn't want to fuck all the time, especially if you're used to it and you like it, you're like, um, hey, but you're awake and I'm awake and we're right here and we can just take our clothes off and fuck. | ||
| Why wouldn't we do that? | ||
| I don't want to. | ||
| Like, whoa, that doesn't even make sense to a dude. | ||
| No, that's a useless partner. | ||
| Yeah, to a dude, it's like, well, half the thing is we're supposed to be looking for as many opportunities as possible to fuck. | ||
| That's why we're boyfriend-girlfriend, right? | ||
| So what are we doing here? | ||
| You don't want to fuck? | ||
| Okay, you don't want to fuck, but there's nothing holding you back. | ||
| If you're not fucking, you're talking, and then you're in trouble. | ||
| But if nothing's holding you back, like, it's not like you have, like, I would love to fuck right now, but I have to go to work. | ||
| You know, I have to leave. | ||
| I'm late. | ||
| That's one thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if it's like, oh, I'm not in the mood. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, you gotta get rid of that bitch. | ||
| It's like the summer, there's nothing on HBO and we're not fucking, that's a problem. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta get rid of that bitch, right? | ||
| That's a real problem. | ||
| That's where probably gay dudes understand each other more better. | ||
| Like, they probably just give up the ass. | ||
| Gay dudes are so lucky. | ||
| Did I tell you the guy at Starbucks, we were talking about Grindr, he's gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The app? | |
| Yeah, because you had the hat on? | ||
| Yeah, because I had the hat. | ||
| I wear this Grindr hat just for fun once in a while. | ||
| It's a bad idea. | ||
| But the guy goes, oh man, that's so funny you have the Grindr hat. | ||
| I use Grindr every day. | ||
| He's like, I've used it three times this weekend so far. | ||
| And I was like, what do you do? | ||
| And he goes, oh, it's just like, hey, there's a guy at Pavilions down the street, the grocery store. | ||
| He's down to fuck right now. | ||
| I could go with him. | ||
| We can go fuck in a car somewhere in the back alley or get a blowjob. | ||
| And then I come back to work. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're lucky! | ||
| Well, you can definitely look at it that way, but they're in the dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a fail. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is a fail. | |
| You know? | ||
| I mean, don't you think about that even when a girl's willing to fuck you? | ||
| Like, when you have sex with your girl, I always think, like, why do you like dick? | ||
| Like, what is going on here? | ||
| Why do you like dudes? | ||
| Like, why would you like a guy? | ||
| Like, I don't get it. | ||
| I don't understand the attraction to a man. | ||
| I don't ask. | ||
| I'm just glad they like this medium Asian dick. | ||
| I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with being a heterosexual woman. | ||
| All I'm saying is I don't understand it. | ||
| Just like you wouldn't understand being a gay dude either. | ||
| But if you were so afflicted with that predilection and that's what you enjoyed, yeah, I would imagine it's a freer life. | ||
| I just love that they love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's great. | |
| Like, I'm really glad you like this shit. | ||
| Because I got a lot of it. | ||
| There's a gay couple down the street from me, and they're trying to fit in. | ||
| I mean, they do fit in. | ||
| They're great neighbors. | ||
| But they're trying to fit in like a regular family. | ||
| Like, they adopted a kid, and they do all the same shit that regular families do. | ||
| Not that there's anything... | ||
| There is something unregular about two gay dudes, obviously. | ||
| But I think it's great. | ||
| It's totally great. | ||
| And the thing is, you shouldn't try to fit in. | ||
| You're Asian, you're black, you're gay, just be that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's great. | ||
| What I mean by trying to fit in, I shouldn't have probably said it that way, but what I meant was that they live like a normal family. | ||
| They're a gay married couple with a kid. | ||
| A lot of people have a hard time with that, man. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| I think here, like, California is probably as loose as it gets with how people, like, view that. | ||
| I don't know what kind of grief they catch, but all the people that I know around them are, like, totally normal with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, it's like, if they wanted to, any one of those guys could just drive down to Santa Monica Boulevard, just enter into one of those clubs, just pull your cock out, and just... | ||
| Get the grinder on. | ||
| Get their slap happy on, right? | ||
| There's no place like that for dudes. | ||
| There's no place like that for guys where you could just guarantee that you could go and there'd be a bunch of horny chicks looking for dudes. | ||
| See, in New York there are places like Bob in the Lower East Side. | ||
| You go and there's always a fat chick waiting for you. | ||
| What is Bob? | ||
| Bob is like this 500 square foot hip-hop lounge situation in the Lower East Side. | ||
| They play all golden era hip-hop. | ||
| You go in, everyone's sweating, dancing, and you always get ass. | ||
| And OkCupid is amazing. | ||
| Like, I abuse OkCupid. | ||
| What is OkCupid? | ||
| OkCupid is like a website you go on and you can literally, people have boxes like, just looking to fuck. | ||
| So it's like Grindr for heterosexuals? | ||
| For any sexuals. | ||
| Like, you could have fucking three eyes and find some motherfucker with three eyes that wants to fuck. | ||
| Yeah, but they're also almost the same people. | ||
| If you go to Craigslist and just, like, look in your area, like, looking to fuck type girls, and there's, like, sometimes there's a picture. | ||
| There's never been one that I've gone, oh my god, yes, I need to fuck this girl. | ||
| Yo, I've had one on OkCupid. | ||
| I found a unicorn that was pretty good. | ||
| How was it? | ||
| Tell us what happened. | ||
| It was bad. | ||
| It was dope. | ||
| It was dope. | ||
| I ended up taking this unicorn to Vegas once. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's a lot of fun. | ||
| Well, I think that they exist because I know that there's probably a lot of girls that are super hot that would love to freak a guy out, like that a guy couldn't believe how hot they are and they just want to fuck. | ||
| There's a lot of crazy bitches like that. | ||
| There's a lot of them. | ||
| Well, in New York, there's a lot of girls at work and they don't have time to go out and date and like meet dudes and pick them and they're like, you know what? | ||
| I just need to sit on something. | ||
| I need to sit on something. | ||
| They just need to get their dick on. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It would be great. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| You guys need that. | ||
| You have OkCupid out here. | ||
| I'm sure you have OkCupid here. | ||
| They have it in Boston. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Too many crazy bitches out here. | ||
| Too dangerous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got a positive singles dot com. | |
| What is positive? | ||
| HIV positive? | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| Did you hear about that dude? | ||
| He was some Christian mingle and he was raping chicks? | ||
| No way. | ||
| Yeah, he was picking them up on Christian mingle and raping them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| There's dating sites for everything. | ||
| J-Date. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Christian Mingle. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I want to go on J-Date. | ||
| Jewish chicks love Asians. | ||
| Do you think so? | ||
| Oh, I know so. | ||
| How's that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| A Chinese food thing? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Yeah, like we serve them on Christmas. | ||
| Fuck, there's no dick or general toes. | ||
| Like, where do I go? | ||
| Chinese people. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Jewish chicks. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| J-Date. | ||
| I think they all know how to fuck really well too. | ||
| Jewish girls do? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I've fucked awesome. | ||
| How many of you fucked? | ||
| Probably like five. | ||
| And they've all been awesome. | ||
| They've all been crazy. | ||
| The head game, the Jewish head game is the best. | ||
| Yeah, some of them. | ||
| It's absolutely known. | ||
| Jewish girls give their best head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When they do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Then there's that old joke. | ||
| How do you stop a Jewish chick from blowing you? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Marrier. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't know that show? | |
| That's a good one. | ||
| Yeah, I think isn't it because like they are so – since they're young, they're always said you have to only have sex with Jewish people and you never are supposed to be with anyone outside of your race and I think that's why they're so crazy. | ||
| In bed, maybe? | ||
| Do you think so? | ||
| I'm just guessing. | ||
| I just think they're not as suppressed. | ||
| There's less suppression in that religion than there is sexually in Catholicism and a lot of other Christian religions. | ||
| It might be the Hitler costume I wear all the time. | ||
| Maybe that's it. | ||
| They want to hate-fuck you. | ||
| I just figured they thought there was money in the dick. | ||
| I'm trying to suck it out hard enough. | ||
| Half dollars. | ||
| What are you doing, fuckface? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It sounds like me. | |
| It is you. | ||
| It's the feed. | ||
| The live feed. | ||
| Jamie's over there playing with himself. | ||
| Jamie. | ||
| Yeah, the first Jewish girl I dated, I was 21. That was the first girl that I fucked. | ||
| She was crazy, right? | ||
| Bitch was nuts. | ||
| She was great. | ||
| I was like, whoa. | ||
| But she was a woman. | ||
| I was 21, she was 25. She wasn't a guy? | ||
| That's a woman. | ||
| Oh, that's a cougar. | ||
| It wasn't a girl. | ||
| That's a cougar. | ||
| It was the first time I ever dated a woman as opposed to like every chick that I dated before I was 21 was like 19, 20, like my age. | ||
| They were like little kids. | ||
| You know, this girl was like, you know, college graduate, serious woman, had a career, you know, it was totally different. | ||
| Banging a chick like that's a completely different experience. | ||
| Like, they're not shy. | ||
| No, I've never gone older. | ||
| I've always gone younger. | ||
| I've never gone older. | ||
| That was the only time I ever did. | ||
| Maybe one other time. | ||
| One other time I dated a girl who was like a year older than me. | ||
| Which is acceptable. | ||
| I want to do a cougar once. | ||
| I just think... | ||
| I see some... | ||
| Because there's so many hot cougars here in Los Angeles. | ||
| Well, you've got to join a gym. | ||
| I like cougars. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| If you want to get a real cougar, you've got to join a gym. | ||
| Oh, I'm a teddy bear. | ||
| You ever see a teddy bear with muscles, Joe? | ||
| No, I'm saying if you want to really meet the ones that you actually want to fuck, you've got to meet the ones that are at the gym. | ||
| Because the ones that go to the gym are the ones that still have the plump asses, and they're like, 50. I've seen chicks with great asses that are 50. And you can't believe it. | ||
| It's like, God damn, why? | ||
| Because that bitch is addicted to spin class and she's in there huffing on the fucking... | ||
| Like that porn star Druna. | ||
| That girl Druna got the crazy milf ass. | ||
| Tighten up those fuck muscles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm talking about girls that have their home gyms in Malibu. | ||
| They don't leave the house. | ||
| I come to death. | ||
| Those bitches are weak and they're gonna pass out on you. | ||
| They're gonna faint and fall and hit their fucking head on the marble, and then you're gonna get charged with murder. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| Keep away from those bitches. | ||
| That doesn't sound good. | ||
| Keep away from those tired, tired, low blood sugar, Malibu bitches who never leave their house, walk around in their fucking slippers. | ||
| Just once, I'm saying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just once. | |
| Bitch, put your shoes on and get the fuck out of the house. | ||
| Like a Pamela Anderson. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want that one because that one's lazy and that ass is gone. | ||
| That's a long gone ass, son. | ||
| She was a beautiful, beautiful young lady, but someone stole her ass when she hit about 43, 44. A goblin came into the house. | ||
| Yeah, now she just looks crazy. | ||
| She looks like Barbra Streisand now. | ||
| Isn't it weird how women, really beautiful women, if they get crazy with their looks, if they start shooting shit in their face, they go from being beautiful to being repulsive. | ||
| And it's not a lot of time. | ||
| And I don't know why they do it. | ||
| You know it's going to happen and they still do it. | ||
| Psychological shit. | ||
| It's like people that are anorexic and they can't help it. | ||
| They just keep losing weight. | ||
| Or big bodybuilder dudes. | ||
| I've met guys that are huge and they're scared to go outside. | ||
| They want to cover their body, their muscles up with big puffy sweaters and shit because they don't want people to know how small they are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, they get nutty. | ||
| Especially those competitive ones. | ||
| People who enter into bodybuilding competitions, they never feel like they're big enough. | ||
| It's dysmorphia. | ||
| Body image is some fucked up shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's very fucked up. | |
| Like race, body image, psychologically, you have no idea how much it fucking controls you. | ||
| We are lucky there's not a dick operation. | ||
| That you could do to your dick what a chick does to her tits? | ||
| There's actually a dick operation. | ||
| People do that shit. | ||
| Listen, man, I've researched it. | ||
| You could take a piece of your foot. | ||
| Why would you research it? | ||
| Fascinating. | ||
| You were looking into it. | ||
| I research almost everything. | ||
| I'm happy with my dick. | ||
| I'll tell you right now. | ||
| It's not the biggest dick in the world, but it's mine, and I like it. | ||
| I like medium dick. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| But this, like, the body dysmorphia that some women have, like, there was a woman that I knew many, many a year ago who had ridiculously large breasts, fake tits, and she wanted to get them bigger. | ||
| And all of her friends were like, you can't do that. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Like, you can't. | ||
| She goes, I just want them a little bigger. | ||
| Just a little bigger. | ||
| I mean, they were fucking huge. | ||
| They were crazy huge. | ||
| And when they're crazy huge, they don't look crazy good. | ||
| No. | ||
| They look crazy bad. | ||
| They look crazy. | ||
| They felt like a knee. | ||
| And girls getting breast reductions make no sense to me. | ||
| Like you're just giving money away. | ||
| Well, I think for some girls, I dated a girl who, yeah, before I met her, she had a breast reduction. | ||
| She had enormous tits. | ||
| And even when I met her, they were like D-cups. | ||
| I was like, oh my god, they were bigger than this. | ||
| Like, she had, like, back pains. | ||
| Like, she would get, like, pinched nerves and shit. | ||
| Like, they just can go numb. | ||
| But still, I feel like you have tits that big, like, things will happen for you. | ||
| You know, other things will take care of them for you. | ||
| Yeah, like, someone will cum on them. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's not like they become fucking beanstalks and take you to the mansion. | ||
| I guess if you have a herniated disc and I cum on your back, it doesn't help much. | ||
| It's not doing anybody any good. | ||
| It's not like you rub it in and it's a Vicks VapoRub. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's gonna... | |
| Heal the injury. | ||
| I've talked about this before, though. | ||
| I know somebody has that disease, I don't remember the name of it, where your tits are crazy big, like they're almost worms, like titusitis or something. | ||
| Like elephantitis of the tits? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And it's so big that if you look at her, she looks like she's really fat. | ||
| But then if she takes off her shirt and just holds up her tits, it's like, oh no, it's all just tit and body like sandwich. | ||
| So how big of her? | ||
| Would you say her tits are like twice a normal tit? | ||
| I would say each one of her tits was probably, I don't know, 24 inches long? | ||
| A 24 inch tit. | ||
| And probably each one weighed probably I'd say about 50 pounds. | ||
| Oh my god, the poor girl. | ||
| She had 100 pounds of tit. | ||
| She still has it too. | ||
| She has to get these like crazy bras made at Sears where they have to make the bra. | ||
| I'm telling you, we're lucky there's not a dick operation like that where you can get bigger dick. | ||
| Has anybody ever had a dick reduction? | ||
| Has anybody ever had a 24-inch dick and gone, listen, no girls can suck this. | ||
| I'm tired of this. | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
| Cut me down to 10. I would never, man. | ||
| I could have a three-foot dick. | ||
| I would never cut that. | ||
| It's fucking Excalibur. | ||
| Don't touch Excalibur. | ||
| But who's going to fuck you? | ||
| You're going to have to have chicks that only fuck basketball players. | ||
| I mean, chicks don't know that you have a fucking three-foot baby arm. | ||
| You're going to have to only date chicks that fucked basketball players and had their babies. | ||
| Or Kim Kardashian. | ||
| So big, 12-pound babies came out of there. | ||
| No, it's not even Kim Kardashian because she hasn't had a kid yet. | ||
| You need a girl who's had a bunch of babies. | ||
| Oh, like the Octomom. | ||
| Your giant monster dick. | ||
| Just like a sinkhole. | ||
| Yeah, that's the only thing you could be happy with. | ||
| Because otherwise, what are you going to do with three-footed dick? | ||
| I'll tell you what you're going to do. | ||
| You're going to get frustrated. | ||
| Yo, if I have a three-foot dick though, I would just walk outside with that shit. | ||
| I'm tanning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you just tan your dick? | |
| But you would never be able to really use it. | ||
| You don't want a three-foot dick. | ||
| You can have girls just slide on top of it back and forth like snail trips. | ||
| If you had a three-foot dick, there would be girls that would just want to check it out. | ||
| I just want to sit on it a little bit. | ||
| And trust me, I know a couple girls could probably put three-foot dick inside of them. | ||
| Airtight. | ||
| They would break. | ||
| They would break just like that guy got fucked to death by the horse. | ||
| There's no way they would make it. | ||
| Dana could take three foot of dick. | ||
| Asakira could take three foot of dick. | ||
| She would break. | ||
| She would die. | ||
| She would die and you'd be sad. | ||
| Yeah, any of those girls that did Son of Dong, they could take it. | ||
| What is Son of Dong? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Son of Dong is like the crazy, crazy giant fake dick with the giant like sploge geyser that some points are stood on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, those fake dicks. | |
| Yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| Those are so weird where the guy still got his pants on. | ||
| It's like the Washington Monument shaped as a penis, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, what is that? | ||
| Because it looks so fake. | ||
| Yeah, it is fake. | ||
| What kind of weird porn is that when you're a giant fake dick? | ||
| I like watching it, though. | ||
| The art design and the set design is amazing. | ||
| You know, it's very creative. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The set design! | |
| The set design with a big, stupid, fake rubber dick. | ||
| What is this stuff that you've been doing for Vice Magazine? | ||
| For vice.com? | ||
| I do this show called Fresh Off the Boat and we use food to get into culture and we meet all these weirdos. | ||
| Basically, the whole point of the show is to travel around the world, travel around the United States and find stories and people that other outlets don't want to talk about. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What kind of stories? | ||
| For instance, we went in the Bang Bus with Jada Stevens in Miami. | ||
| We ate Frida's and then we watched her work and we did that whole episode. | ||
| We went to go see her uncle. | ||
| You watched her do a Bang Bus porn? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We watched the whole thing. | ||
| So how do they do that? | ||
| You just drive somewhere? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They put her in the bus. | |
| It was a reverse bus. | ||
| So they put her in the back of the bus. | ||
| They drive around and they pick up dudes off the street. | ||
| They just bang. | ||
| Here's a trailer. | ||
| What's a reverse bus? | ||
| The reverse bus is her going in doing that. | ||
| The bang bus normally is a dude driving around to find chicks on the street. | ||
| Oh, reverse bus is her looking for dudes. | ||
| Yeah, and then other shows we've done is, you know, we went to go, we didn't want to separate people from the slaughter because we want people to know you're eating food, you're eating animal protein. | ||
| An animal is slaughtered. | ||
| So the first episode we ever did was showing a white rabbit being slaughtered. | ||
| I saw that one. | ||
| Do you like it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We're like a pretty thoughtful food show and we try to challenge people. | ||
| We really want to challenge them. | ||
| We don't just give them candy. | ||
| It's not just Soma. | ||
| We really want them to think about the culture. | ||
| That they're engrossed in, the cultures that they're supporting, and things like that. | ||
| Was that the first time you ever killed an animal like that? | ||
| No, you know, we've killed animals. | ||
| I cook Chinese food. | ||
| So you're always cooking seafood. | ||
| You're always cooking live seafood. | ||
| And then I've seen chickens slaughtered. | ||
| I've never seen a cow slaughtered. | ||
| I've never seen a pig slaughtered. | ||
| But I've seen chickens, I've seen seafood, and I saw a rabbit. | ||
| Yeah, that rabbit was pretty intense. | ||
| Yeah, it was definitely intense. | ||
| Like, everybody there was pretty moving because you watch a life Leave the earth in front of you. | ||
| And funny shit was, I actually thought I died like a week ago in Houston. | ||
| It was really funny. | ||
| I ate this indica bubblegum hash. | ||
| They made this beef jerky out of indica bubblegum hash and high times gave it to me. | ||
| And so I'm eating it and I didn't remember to kind of dose it. | ||
| I ate it all. | ||
| I gave like a little piece to my homie. | ||
| I gave a little piece to my brother. | ||
| And I remember about 30 minutes after, I'm watching like House of Cards on Netflix by myself and I'm like, yo, oh my god, I think I just died. | ||
| And I went to my brother and I felt like I couldn't move. | ||
| I could like see shit and I couldn't hear shit. | ||
| And I went to my brother, I'm like, you gotta take me to the hospital. | ||
| You gotta take me to the hospital. | ||
| He's like, why do I gotta take you to the hospital, motherfucker? | ||
| And I was like, I think I just died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, what do you mean you think you just died? | |
| You're just in front of me right now. | ||
| I'm like, so you can hear me. | ||
| You can see me. | ||
| I'm like jumping on your bed. | ||
| You can see this. | ||
| He's like, dude, you're not dead. | ||
| Go to sleep. | ||
| I was like, you have to take me to the hospital. | ||
| I feel like my spirit left my physical body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's like, what the fuck? | |
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| And so he takes me to the hospital in Houston. | ||
| We were there cooking for the All-Star Game. | ||
| And like Dwayne Wade... | ||
| And I'm in the hospital. | ||
| We check in and the doctor's like, what's wrong? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, I think my spirit left my physical body. | |
| And he's like, what the fuck did you do? | ||
| I was like, I ate indica bubblegum hash jerky. | ||
| And he's like, you need to chill the fuck out. | ||
| You need to just chill the fuck out because there's nothing anyone can do for you. | ||
| I was like, did I just die? | ||
| He's like, no, you didn't die. | ||
| You're just high as fuck. | ||
| And you're being a pussy. | ||
| The way he described it, indica bubblegum hash jerky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's very specific too. | ||
| Yeah, it's some chef shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We've talked about it a billion times on the podcast, but a lot of people don't know that when you eat marijuana, it's a totally different psychoactive experience. | ||
| Your body produces something. | ||
| It goes through your liver, and it produces something called a one-pass, and it makes this chemical called 11-hydroxymetabolite. | ||
| And it's four to five times more psychoactive than THC in a smokable form. | ||
| So it's not the same drug. | ||
| Can you die from that shit? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Here's what you do, though. | ||
| The only way you're going to die from... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Drink milk. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Just trust me. | ||
| You'll calm down within five minutes. | ||
| This is not scientific. | ||
| Do not listen to him. | ||
| You're going to throw up milk. | ||
| That would not be awesome. | ||
| Just need a little glass of milk. | ||
| Just a teeny glass. | ||
| Listen, that's not scientific, Brian. | ||
| You're talking nonsense. | ||
| Because I tweet the fuck out. | ||
| When you eat as much hash as that, you're fucked. | ||
| A glass of milk is not going to make you feel fine. | ||
| I eat every day, but I ate fucking all this fucking hash jerky and I never felt so bad. | ||
| I felt like I did heroin. | ||
| Yeah, it can get you really scary high. | ||
| You can get to the point where it's really uncomfortable. | ||
| And that shit is not fun. | ||
| But were you ever dumb enough to go to a hospital and tell people your spirit animal was broken? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, but I did think that I fucked up. | ||
| I went too far. | ||
| I've gone there before. | ||
| But I always liked that. | ||
| I like what it feels like when it's over. | ||
| Yeah, like me and weed are fighting because it's like I've loved this bitch for so long and I'm like, you really hurt me. | ||
| You really hurt me this time. | ||
| Don't do edibles. | ||
| Just don't do edibles. | ||
| Well, edibles are amazing, but it's all in the dosage. | ||
| It's very tricky. | ||
| I love edibles. | ||
| I prefer edibles. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're like a regular edible eater. | ||
| Yeah, I prefer it. | ||
| I think it's better for your body. | ||
| I think it's better for your body and I think the intensity of the experience, it lasts longer. | ||
| And to me, it's more introspective. | ||
| I learn more. | ||
| Oh, you definitely think of wild shit. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| I was saying, I felt like I was one of those Christian inspirational people because I'm in the car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, Evan, you have to realize that every day you have to fight to stay alive because as soon as you stop, you will die. | |
| I just died. | ||
| I swear to God, I just died watching House of Cards. | ||
| He's like, you did not die. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Just don't watch any more Kevin Spacey movies. | ||
| Did you ever see the 911 call where the cops stole some pot from some kids and made some pot brownies and then the cops called 911? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| And that's the thing. | ||
| They thought they died. | ||
| They thought that time had stopped. | ||
| They were calling in 911 just shitting their pants thinking that this is the end. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I thought I heard like the universe's voice was like, Eddie, you've checked out. | |
| Like, I really thought I died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, the game is over! | |
| The game is over! | ||
| I heard the theme music, the game is over! | ||
| You can definitely eat too much pot, but then after it's over, you feel fine. | ||
| It's not even like getting drunk, you know? | ||
| That feeling that you get after you have a hangover, it's like, goddammit, I don't want to ever drink. | ||
| No, I ate so much, my head hurt for three days. | ||
| It took me a while to come back. | ||
| Three days. | ||
| You probably broke something just with anxiety. | ||
| Just the anxiety alone was probably so much stress that your brain was like... | ||
| The muscle in my brain fucking hurt. | ||
| So yeah, kids, don't eat that fucking bubblegum hash. | ||
| I find that edibles make food taste the best too. | ||
| Because I think smoking anything probably does. | ||
| Ruins your palate. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| Yeah, a little bit. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Yeah, and you have like options out here with edibles like that are fairly... | ||
| And they're delicious. | ||
| Yeah, but also you can actually like Pretty much rely on the dose with some of them, like candies. | ||
| Like Ari Shafia, I'll ask him, what is this candy? | ||
| He goes, it's like a half a breath strip. | ||
| Like, okay, got it. | ||
| But not always is. | ||
| Not always. | ||
| It's still not accurate. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| But some companies, like you get used to a company, and they got their shit together, and they can make it until the feds come and bust their door down and fucking take them away. | ||
| The problem with edibles is it's also how much you have in your stomach already, so that's a factor where, you know, when you smoke it, you don't have to deal with that. | ||
| That's where breast strips come in because it doesn't matter because it just goes into your bloodstream. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holla! | |
| Crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're sophisticated out here. | |
| I'm the West Coast kid. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| How hard is it getting good weed in New York? | ||
| Yo, I got a really good serve. | ||
| I have a serve that they come through and they always have seven to eight strands every time. | ||
| But before I met these dudes, life was miserable. | ||
| It was just like sour or haze or kush. | ||
| It's just hard to find someone that you actually want to know your phone number that's selling weed. | ||
| Yeah, and these dudes are dope. | ||
| They don't chill with you. | ||
| They don't fucking try to hang out and get to know you in and out. | ||
| Like, give me the best weed and I'll see you later and I'll call you next time. | ||
| So that's what you need. | ||
| But it does not touch California. | ||
| Like, California is on some shit. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the best part out here. | |
| I want a G-Pen so bad. | ||
| I got a G-Pen. | ||
| I'll hook you up. | ||
| Those dudes are awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, cool. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| The G-Pen is the best way to smoke because the wax tastes so good. | ||
| It's like minty, fresh. | ||
| Yeah, the chocolate, mint, ice cream, hash. | ||
| Is G-Pen a new type of vaporizer or something? | ||
| There's a few of them. | ||
| I've got to get you one. | ||
| There's so many of them out there. | ||
| But have you had an eye dab? | ||
| Eye dab is the way to go in your home. | ||
| Like on the road, G-Pen, the best. | ||
| But iDabs are fucking crazy. | ||
| How do you spell it? | ||
| Just G-Pen? | ||
| Yeah, Granco Science. | ||
| My boy Chris. | ||
| He lives in LA. I'll hook you guys up. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| Yeah, I've used a lot of them. | ||
| Like the Plume by Pax is not bad. | ||
| But the G-Pen is definitely my favorite so far. | ||
| Yeah, that's the one I use on the show all the time. | ||
| When we shoot on the West Coast. | ||
| Whenever we use the G-Pen. | ||
| Yeah, I want one so bad. | ||
| Yeah, they taste amazing. | ||
| Yeah, the scientists out here that are concocting different ways to take your weed... | ||
| They're doing it in pretty amazing ways. | ||
| They have honey now. | ||
| Well, I guess there's been some talk lately about what is the legality of hash and all these oils and stuff like that. | ||
| So they have this G-Pen vaporizer. | ||
| They sell it online. | ||
| Anybody could buy it online. | ||
| Because you could cook tobacco with it. | ||
| So now when you buy this, what do you do? | ||
| Do you stick weed in it somewhere? | ||
| You put the essential oil in there, and then you just heat it up. | ||
| You have to get that from a dispensary. | ||
| Yeah, but you live in LA, it's no problem. | ||
| Yeah, but how do you get it? | ||
| Don't tell us. | ||
| I know a guy who knows a guy. | ||
| He uses it for tobacco. | ||
| Do you have a hard time when you're on the road getting good weed when you're doing your show? | ||
| No, you know, fans, like people will just bring it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, they'll know and they'll just bring it. | ||
| Like when I do book tours, there's always two or three people at every book event that bring me weed. | ||
| How many of them are cops? | ||
| Most of them are Asian children. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Children? | |
| No, I'm kidding. | ||
| Usually just like Asian kids, you know, like, and they grew up like me and they're like, yo, I know how you are. | ||
| You need this shit. | ||
| You need this shit. | ||
| Those are the best people. | ||
| They bring me weed everywhere I go. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| That's the best thing about being a publicly known person that smokes weed, people will hook you up. | ||
| Yeah, I agree. | ||
| Do you smoke pot with people that you meet? | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| People who know you from the show? | ||
| Yeah, I'll smoke with anyone because I'm not a dude that smokes weed and then can't function. | ||
| I'm a functional smoker. | ||
| I need weed to function. | ||
| Right, but do you trust their weed? | ||
| What if someone wants to lace you up with some craziness? | ||
| I've never been late. | ||
| Have you been late? | ||
| Me, no, but I know a person, yes. | ||
| One dude? | ||
| Yeah, I know one dude. | ||
| PCP. Somebody put PCP in his weed. | ||
| Well, damn. | ||
| Yeah, that's hardcore. | ||
| I've had a very bad situation. | ||
| I wasn't a fan or anything, but I had somebody give me weed once that was dipped in embalming fluid and that really ruined my whole night. | ||
| See, why would you do that to someone? | ||
| I feel like weed is such a friendly culture. | ||
| Why would you do that to somebody? | ||
| Because people are broken. | ||
| I mean, even though weed is a friendly culture, there's a certain amount of any culture that's going to be broken. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's people that are just unavoidably fucked up. | ||
| So you won't smoke weed people give you on tour? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Not anymore. | ||
| Not after that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| When I found out that, and there was a guy, I've told a story before about a cop that was asking me for DMT in Cleveland, and I knew it was a cop. | ||
| It was the most obvious cop ever. | ||
| Some guy after a show by himself with a crew cut asking me for DMT. I was like, bitch, what are you talking about? | ||
| Are you really coming and asking me for illegal drugs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| DMT is a specific ask, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a very specific flavor that you're asking for. | ||
| Very specific. | ||
| The problem is, if every place was like California, yeah, I'd smoke with anybody. | ||
| But every place is not like California. | ||
| And there are places where it's super illegal. | ||
| Like, you get caught in Texas. | ||
| You know, like, Willie Nelson got arrested in Texas. | ||
| I mean, if you arrest Willie Nelson for pot, you're a fucking communist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're the enemy. | ||
| I mean, it's pretty decriminalized in America. | ||
| I think in the next 5 to 10, weed is going to be like California everywhere. | ||
| There's still so many people in jail, though. | ||
| There's so many people in jail because of it. | ||
| What do they do? | ||
| They grandfather those guys in and let everybody out? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I don't think they're going to. | ||
| They should, but I don't think they will. | ||
| The law is in a lot of places. | ||
| Phoenix, it's real bad. | ||
| It's not good in Texas. | ||
| It's scary in a lot of places. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many different cities have you gone to do your show? | ||
| We've done LA, San Fran, Miami, New York, Taiwan. | ||
| Yeah, five. | ||
| We did five. | ||
| How was Taiwan? | ||
| Taiwan was amazing, man. | ||
| Taiwan is the best. | ||
| Taiwan is the best. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Do you speak any forms of Chinese? | ||
| Yeah, I speak Mandarin Chinese. | ||
| Now, if you're around Cantonese people, what happens? | ||
| I can't understand what they're saying. | ||
| It sounds like they're playing Chinese through a guitar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| No, I got mad Cantonese homies, but no, I don't understand Cantonese, and they barely understand Mandarin. | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not just like north and south. | ||
| Like you got an accent. | ||
| It's like really some... | ||
| There's an extra tone. | ||
| There's another tone. | ||
| Can you read it? | ||
| I can read some things. | ||
| I know a few words. | ||
| I probably read on like a kindergarten level and I speak on like a fifth grade, sixth grade level. | ||
| But you speak on a fifth grade, sixth grade level just because you know some of it, not because it's across the board. | ||
| Oh, no, Cantonese? | ||
| No, I don't know shit about Cantonese, but the written is the same. | ||
| Right. | ||
| A written language is the same. | ||
| Oh, okay, so the written Cantonese is the same. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, fascinating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| So, but the way they say it is different, Cantonese and Mandarin. | ||
| So you can read all Cantonese, no problem. | ||
| Well, I think it's the same characters. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it's the same characters. | ||
| So how the fuck is it a different language? | ||
| It's another tone. | ||
| They have another tone when they speak it. | ||
| Oh my god, that's weird. | ||
| That's insanity. | ||
| What does it sound like? | ||
| What's the difference? | ||
| Can you tell me the difference? | ||
| Can you give me a sentence? | ||
| They say stuff, it's just bouncier. | ||
| It sounds bouncier. | ||
| Without being racist and making fun of it, it just sounds to me bouncier. | ||
| I think you're allowed to make fun. | ||
| You're Chinese. | ||
| You could let it slide. | ||
| No, it's like, I'm not even saying words, but I'm just imitating the sound. | ||
| They're super bouncy that way. | ||
| But it's different than Mandarin in what way? | ||
| See, what's confusing to me is... | ||
| There's like a fifth tone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But the characters are the same. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| But they have a different sound for the characters? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, which is kind of crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So, like, one person would say Shu, they would have a totally different noise for it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you wrote it down, you both saw Shu. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa, you're blowing my mind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| How many people are on each? | ||
| I will check this and make sure. | ||
| I mean, we could check this and make sure, but I'm almost positive that it is... | ||
| I'm pretty positive it is the same language. | ||
| How many people are on each? | ||
| Like, I mean, there's... | ||
| Oh, there's much more speaking Mandarin. | ||
| There's much more speaking Mandarin than Cantonese. | ||
| How much more? | ||
| Cantonese is just like the southeast of China and Hong Kong. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How the fuck does that ever happen? | ||
| You know? | ||
| They just lost the war. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Some Mongol type shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The whole idea of a billion people on a continent is a fucking trip, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There wasn't even a billion people on the whole planet just a little while ago. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| We are way too good at making babies and that's why they try to limit it. | ||
| Yeah, my friend Duncan actually had a funny thing that he said yesterday that some people believe that this is such an amazing time to be alive, that so many souls are trying to reincarnate to this time. | ||
| That's why there's so many people on the planet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, so they say here, written Cantonese is the most highly developed written form of all Chinese varieties apart from standard Mandarin and classical. | ||
| Standard written Chinese is based on Mandarin, but when spoken word for word as Cantonese, it sounds unnatural. | ||
| Because its expressions are ungrammatical and unidiomatic in Cantonese. | ||
| So Cantonese speakers have developed their own written scripts, sometimes creating new characters for words that either do not exist or have been lost in standard Chinese. | ||
| But basically it's based on the same language. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's just more refined. | ||
| That'd be weird trying to speak English and just speak it differently. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But using the same words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, what the fuck, man? | ||
| So what is it like working with the Vice guys? | ||
| We fucking love them. | ||
| Yo, I love Vice, man. | ||
| Vice is the fucking best. | ||
| I've worked with so many people and Vice just lets you do your thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's the best part. | ||
| I just went through a whole week. | ||
| I was at TED, I'm a TED fellow this year, and I went through a whole week of people telling me what to do, where to be, and it was like being at a fucking Scientology summer camp. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| Yeah, tell me what the fuck happened. | ||
| They told you that you can't leave? | ||
| Yeah, like before you go, they're like, you need to participate in TED, you need to be there. | ||
| I'm like, alright, cool. | ||
| I figure like minds are reasonable. | ||
| If you have to do something in LA, you can go do something in LA. I gave them like four or five days of my time. | ||
| I was there every single, 13 hours, like every day they have 13 hours of fucking activities they have mapped out for you. | ||
| Some days like 15, 16 hours, right? | ||
| If you go to their after events, And I'm like, that's way too much fucking human interaction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Five days. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Explain this. | ||
| So you go there and you're going to go and do your own TED speech, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you do your own TED speech. | ||
| What is the other stuff they have for you? | ||
| They want you to be available for like networking, cocktail events, like attendees want to talk to you. | ||
| You need to be available. | ||
| And I was like, look, I've done a lot. | ||
| Like I put people on. | ||
| Like, I put them in touch with ad agency people. | ||
| I put them in touch with other people to do business with, other artists. | ||
| I was introducing everyone. | ||
| And I thought I was good. | ||
| So I went yesterday to go do DVD Asa. | ||
| I went up and met up Cho. | ||
| I met up Asa. | ||
| And I went and now they called me today on the way over here. | ||
| And they were like, we're taking your TED fellowship away. | ||
| I was like, why are you taking the TED fellowship? | ||
| Like, because you went to LA. I was like, you're in Long Beach. | ||
| I just went to LA for the afternoon to do the fucking podcast. | ||
| You're fucking crazy. | ||
| And they're like, you took this spot from somebody who would have gone to every talk and been in everything. | ||
| I was like, yo, the other people weren't there for everything, but you're also just crazy. | ||
| Like you're fucking crazy. | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| They're not paying you. | ||
| No, they don't pay. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's insane. | |
| You go to do it for the love and they want you for seven days. | ||
| 12 to 15 hours a day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And you can't just leave to go do something, some work that you have to do. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| What is it where people fuck up everything? | ||
| Even something as amazing as TED. Because TED, I remember the first TED talk that I ever saw on the internet a couple years ago. | ||
| We have a whole TED thread on my message board about great TED episodes. | ||
| Yeah, like the one, how to be happy is great. | ||
| Oh, there's so many of them. | ||
| Graham Hancock just gave one on the war on consciousness about ayahuasca and his own problems with kicking cannabis. | ||
| He had like a crazy weed habit where he's high all day, every day for like decades. | ||
| And then it was a crutch for him. | ||
| It was like a real problem. | ||
| Great TED talk about it though. | ||
| There's so much good stuff. | ||
| But then you hear shit like this and you're like... | ||
| Even they suck. | ||
| Someone finds a way to fuck up even something as amazing as Ted. | ||
| Yeah, the speakers are great. | ||
| I can't say a damn bad thing. | ||
| Every single one of the fellows is inspirational, amazing, doing great work. | ||
| The thing is something gets so good and people feel the power that they have and then they impose rules and that's how society got created in the beginning. | ||
| Somebody got so liked and got so much power that they could force you to do things that were entirely unnatural and inhuman. | ||
| That's so ridiculous too to think that a guy like you who's as busy as you could give up that much time and be angry if you vary from their schedule at all. | ||
| Sounds like there's more to it. | ||
| I think Ted's a racist. | ||
| I mean they're culturally kind of crazy too because other people missed and they kind of picked on me for it. | ||
| But even before I got out here, I was like, yo, my birthday is Friday. | ||
| You want me to stay till Saturday. | ||
| Can I at least have my girl stay with me? | ||
| And I'll just use the room. | ||
| They're like, oh, we can't because you have a roommate at Ted. | ||
| So you're like 30, 40-year-old people staying with a roommate. | ||
| I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| They make you room with people. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| How can they do that? | ||
| How can they tell you who to sleep with? | ||
| Yeah, they were, yes! | ||
| And they were like, You have to ruin. | ||
| It's part of the TED experience. | ||
| And I was like, this is a cult. | ||
| At this point, you have crossed the threshold. | ||
| You are now fucking Scientology. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| That's crazy shit. | ||
| So they assign you. | ||
| They say, you know what? | ||
| We think that Eddie would grow if he lived with Sasha for a week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So some crazy fuck who's, Sasha Shulgin, who's in there cooking up crystal meth and whatever the fuck he's doing, you would have to stay with that guy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I mean, luckily, they put me with this dude, Safwat, who was amazing. | ||
| Cool cat. | ||
| Oh, of course. | ||
| Sasha, Safwat. | ||
| Yeah, you were really... | ||
| To be able to pull the name of the dude out is amazing. | ||
| His name was Safwat, and I stayed with him, but I was like, I'm 30. I haven't stayed in a hotel with people in a minute. | ||
| How big is the hotel? | ||
| It's a small shitty hotel. | ||
| It's the Hyatt Regency. | ||
| It looks like a fucking airport hotel in Long Beach. | ||
| So you're like in the bed next to this guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you had to hear each other snore? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, dude. | |
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| And they also hold this shit at Long Beach and it's like next to like across the street literally you have back-to-back Outback, P.F. Changs, and like Subway. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| The whole thing is just weird. | ||
| I was like, I'll pay for my own room. | ||
| They're like, no, you're not allowed. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| You're not allowed to pay for your own room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| They just want to control you. | ||
| That is amazing. | ||
| So I still love the talks, I love all the speakers, but that organization is fucked. | ||
| That's hilarious that they think that they could have that kind of influence over you. | ||
| It's part of the TED experience, Eddie. | ||
| It is part of the TED experience. | ||
| Eddie, it's part of the TED experience. | ||
| I can't believe that no one's talked about this before because this seems like straight up Boy Scouts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what is the thing is most people, they need TED. They need TED to put you on. | ||
| They want to co-sign. | ||
| And most people, it's like, if you do something for me, I won't say anything about you, but... | ||
| I mean, I think, Joe, you're the same way. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what you do for me. | ||
| If you're a fucking weirdo and you're about to start some new cult conference religion, I'm going to say something. | ||
| I'm not going to follow your rules. | ||
| I would write a book about this. | ||
| If they actually tried to get me to do what they wanted me to do for four, five, six, seven days, whatever it was, and not pay you. | ||
| They send packets, too, to be like, this is how to network with billionaires. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How to network with billionaires. | ||
| How to go to a network and talk to people and talk to potential people who could collaborate and work with you. | ||
| They're like, don't just go ask them for money. | ||
| And I'm like, this is crazy. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Common sense shit is wild. | ||
| Don't just go ask them for money. | ||
| And it's in the packets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're a grown ass man and they pick you. | ||
| You're obviously intelligent if you're getting picked for 10. And they're like, today when it rains, you should pack a punch. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| See what that is? | ||
| Okay, what that is is exactly the opposite of the vehicle that got them there. | ||
| The vehicle that got them there is the internet. | ||
| What got them there is the fact that the freedom of the internet allows people to exchange interesting conversations like that. | ||
| Hey, you got to listen to this. | ||
| You got to watch this. | ||
| This lady gave the speech on monkeys. | ||
| It was amazing, whatever. | ||
| What they did is the exact opposite of that. | ||
| And that's why even though Obama's focusing on gun control, the most important debate that Americans will face in the next five years is internet freedom. | ||
| Internet freedom is the most important debate we will face and we are so fucking blind to it because the lobbyists are doing it under our noses. | ||
| Yeah, you surely... | ||
| You should have the right and ability to put your own website up and control your own content and express yourself in any way, shape, form you choose. | ||
| And the benefits of that have been staggering to our culture over the last couple of years. | ||
| Just over the last 10. And the idea that corporations might have the ability to step in And stop that or regulate that or restrict that or censor you. | ||
| If in anything that you do in somehow or another – if anything you do in somehow or another one way or a form costs them money and they decide that this is something that has to be stopped. | ||
| They're going to be able to do that unless we do something. | ||
| And once somebody realizes they have their hand on the faucet and they have the ability to turn it on and turn it off, people get crazy. | ||
| You've seen that study about... | ||
| Just like TED, like these TED people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But people have power. | ||
| Yeah, they do this shit where they invite these people to go talk and they actually don't put up everybody's talks. | ||
| Until this year, they used to pick and choose and cherry pick the talks they'd put up and you would go there for a week, 15 hours a day, do all their shit, and then imagine if they didn't put up your talk. | ||
| But what if your talk sucks? | ||
| If your talk sucked, I feel like it should just go suck on the internet. | ||
| It'll go hide in a corner on the internet. | ||
| Right, but maybe if yes and no. | ||
| Because say if you had a comedy conference and you had all these comedians do sets, but some of them were just dog shit. | ||
| Would you want that set to represent your company? | ||
| No. | ||
| You wouldn't do it. | ||
| I wouldn't. | ||
| If I did, though, invite someone and they stayed for a week, And I didn't pay them, I would be like, the least I owe you is the opportunity that quite possibly there's three people on the planet Earth that enjoy yourself. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, that's one point. | ||
| Yeah, that's a point. | ||
| But I know what you're saying to protect the brand. | ||
| It makes a little sense, but for the most part, most people's talks are fucking good. | ||
| Yeah, they're there for a reason. | ||
| It's probably really different. | ||
| They're not going to get an open mic or a TED talker. | ||
| Yeah, it's not a bringer show. | ||
| But they give opportunities to a lot of weird people. | ||
| I mean, it's absolutely possible. | ||
| There must be. | ||
| I bet if we just ask, I bet we're ignorant to it, but if we just say, show me the TED Talks that suck a fat dick, they're going to say, okay, Twitter. | ||
| Twitter people, please, show me the TED Talks that suck a fat dick. | ||
| I mean, everyone wants to see the Sarah Silverman TED Talk that was never let out. | ||
| She gave a Sarah Silverman? | ||
| No, they never let it out because she made fun of TED. See, I would have fucking wanted to watch that immediately. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And the thing is, if you're confident in yourself, you can laugh at yourself. | ||
| They don't know how to laugh at themselves. | ||
| She made fun of Ted in what way? | ||
| Like during her talk. | ||
| It's like the mythology of it. | ||
| I didn't see the talk, obviously, but there's a Sarah Silverman TED talk they never let out. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| We need to get Sarah Silverman on this podcast. | ||
| Yeah, I need to run into her somewhere. | ||
| I can make it happen. | ||
| Okay, make it happen. | ||
| I've never heard anything bad about Ted before. | ||
| So that's why this is such a shock. | ||
| It is weird though. | ||
| You meet the donors and stuff and they can't tell Asian people apart. | ||
| They can't tell African people apart. | ||
| And it's just, it's weird, man. | ||
| Like they're nice and everybody means well. | ||
| Did they call you David Cho? | ||
| No, they just mistake you for other fellows because so many of them are Asian. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many different people do it every year? | ||
| Every year they pick like 20 fellows, and then they pick a bunch of other people for the main stage. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| I mean, no, it is an ill organization. | ||
| I still, even though they booted me today, I love the speakers, I love the talks, and I want it to continue. | ||
| But I hope that they at least, you know, they could say, I suck, and that's fine. | ||
| They could be like, Eddie's a shithead, he went to LA, he did the fucking podcast, and he sucks. | ||
| But I hope they just change rules for future people. | ||
| Listen, you didn't do anything wrong. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| And all they represent is a distribution method for the greatest minds on earth. | ||
| That's all they represent. | ||
| It's not that they are the greatest minds on earth. | ||
| It's just there are so many interesting people today. | ||
| We live in an amazing time. | ||
| And just when you good something like TED, whatever TED stands for… It became synonymous on the internet with fascinating talks. | ||
| Boom, and then it's off. | ||
| But if you wanted to, you could do the Eddie Wong's fascinating motherfuckers on Vice and do the exact same thing. | ||
| Yes, I think there's a lot of room for that because conferences – like I would love to hear more people from downtown LA, downtown New York talking and doing these ideas because they don't find those dudes. | ||
| They find academics. | ||
| They find people playing ancient instruments. | ||
| They find people that are working nature things. | ||
| And they have their kind of like cultural sect, you know? | ||
| But there is a lot of room to find genius in other places. | ||
| Genius is everywhere. | ||
| You know this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You travel around the world, you find genius anywhere. | ||
| So there's room for conferences that like look under different cultures because they're kind of looking under the same stones all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And they're going to run out of bugs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm one of the first times they've stepped out to be like, all right, there's this dude. | ||
| He's Chinese. | ||
| He's into hip hop. | ||
| He lives in downtown New York. | ||
| He used to sell drugs. | ||
| He now has a restaurant. | ||
| I think I was the only... | ||
| Working chef that was a Ted Fellow. | ||
| So I was one of their choices that was really out there, but it just didn't work out. | ||
| It didn't work out because you're not willing to be a fucking slave and sleep in a hotel room with a stranger for a week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They had me. | |
| I rehearsed for two days. | ||
| I fucking did the talk. | ||
| I did everything I'm supposed to do and then I was like, I'm going to just peace out for like a half day and they bugged. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, that's crazy. | ||
| And the fact that they don't pay you, it's crazy. | ||
| You guys need to do a Vice show exposing Ted, how loony Ted is. | ||
| I told Vice that. | ||
| What did Vice say? | ||
| I told them that before I got booted. | ||
| I sent them an email like, yo, you got to see this shit. | ||
| It's like the beginnings of Scientology. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It is so true that once people have a position of power and influence and people want to be a part of them, people go corrupt. | ||
| What is the threshold at which something becomes a religion? | ||
| It's kind of insane. | ||
| It's so easy to start a cult today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's so many people looking to jump on board. | ||
| You know, all the people that would have 100 years ago become Catholics, now they're like, man, popes just won't stop fucking kids. | ||
| I can't do this. | ||
| I need a new cult. | ||
| I don't know why people still believe in these. | ||
| Like, you look at what these people are doing. | ||
| Like, what's happening in the Catholic Church is insane. | ||
| Fucking popes resigning. | ||
| This is the first time it's gotten so hot that the Pope's like, I'm out of here. | ||
| He's asked for immunity from the Italian government, from prosecution, because he's responsible for shielding pedophiles. | ||
| He personally, and a lot of people don't know this, the Pope personally. | ||
| Responsible for taking pedophiles and shifting them away to another place where they molested more kids. | ||
| And what would you expect? | ||
| These people aren't allowed to have sex. | ||
| It's natural to want to have sex. | ||
| It's natural to want to go to LA and do podcasts. | ||
| You know, soon they'd be like, you cannot come to TED and have sex without condoms. | ||
| I'd be like, fuck that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could you imagine? | |
| There is no unprotected sex. | ||
| There is no raw dogging at TED. Legal. | ||
| No ass-fucking while you're here. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be a mutiny. | |
| While you're a TED Fellow. | ||
| There would be a mutiny. | ||
| I wonder if they would have like – you could slowly start imposing behavior standards on Fellows. | ||
| If you want to call it like a TED Fellow or whatever new organization you want to start. | ||
| They do shit like you should have a standing – you should give a standing ovation when this person comes. | ||
| You should do this and that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| Fake standing ovations? | ||
| Yeah, and they were also saying like, you know, when the founder comes, Chris Anderson comes, like, you don't have to give him a standing ovation. | ||
| Like, you know, it's nice if you want to, but he doesn't actually need you to do it. | ||
| I'm like, The fact that you needed to give me this fake halfway disclaimer is so fucking strange. | ||
| Wow, that's so bizarre. | ||
| They tell you who to and not to give standing ovations to. | ||
| Who's a must? | ||
| You have to apply to go to TED, to attend, and then once you're accepted, you pay $8,000. | ||
| What? | ||
| That's a mindfuck. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| You had to pay? | ||
| No, hell no I didn't pay. | ||
| But the people who do it, they apply. | ||
| Okay, so the people that attend, the strict audience members you're saying. | ||
| You gotta want to be so down so bad to do that. | ||
| To go through an application process and then fucking pay. | ||
| That's a lot of money. | ||
| How many people are going? | ||
| How many people go? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think like 2,000? | ||
|
unidentified
|
3,000? | |
| Whoa! | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Yeah, that's a lot of money they make. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a lot of money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They make off of you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 2,000 people paying $8,000 is how much? | ||
| Uh, six. | ||
| 360,000? | ||
| No, 16. What is it? | ||
| 160,000? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, is that what it is? | ||
| It's gotta be more. | ||
| No, it's way more than that. | ||
| It's like 16 million, I think. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 2,000 times. | ||
| Is it 16 million? | ||
| 2,000 times 8,000. | ||
| Jamie, you don't know shit about your numbers. | ||
| And I didn't even bother counting. | ||
| I listened to you. | ||
| Ask a Asian. | ||
| Always. | ||
| I'm asking Asians from now on. | ||
| Pretty sure it's 16 million in my hand. | ||
| Jamie, you silly bitch. | ||
| What is it, Brian? | ||
| There's a calculator built into a lack, right? | ||
| Hey, what's the number? | ||
| What's the number? | ||
| 2,000 times 8,000. | ||
| It's got to be 16 million. | ||
| What's 2,000 times 8,000? | ||
| This might answer your question. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is 1.6 million I think. | |
| Oh. | ||
| 1.6 million. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I was one off. | ||
| I was excited. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| That's still a lot of bread. | ||
| So they made 1.6 million. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| It's 16 million. | ||
| Yeah, 16 million. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| All right. | ||
| The human calculator was fast. | ||
| Very nice. | ||
| So they made 16 million, which is even crazier. | ||
| And they did this in this time where you were there and no one got paid. | ||
| We didn't get paid. | ||
| Nobody got paid. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yup. | ||
| We are suckers, dude. | ||
| We're suckers. | ||
| And they're always telling you, like, you're gonna get exposure. | ||
| I was like, no lie, more people listen to the Joe Rogan experience. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| That's true, Ted. | ||
| Suck it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ted, we got you beat by like a million. | ||
| Yup. | ||
| But that's still nuts, man. | ||
| That's a lot of money. | ||
| We're not making that money. | ||
| We need to make that money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You guys should. | |
| We need to get 8,000 people to give up $10 million each. | ||
| I know how to do it. | ||
| I'm going to just raise the bar and only get really stupid rich people. | ||
| I don't want to go after poor people because I think that's rude. | ||
| So a million. | ||
| You got a bolt soon? | ||
| Yeah, my bad, Joe. | ||
| No, that's all right. | ||
| What are you doing next? | ||
| What do you got going on? | ||
| I got a meeting. | ||
| You know LA meetings. | ||
| I got to go to NBC shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullshit. | |
| Bullshit. | ||
| My bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a weak excuse. | |
| What are you going to do next? | ||
| You got another show you're working on after the Vice show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You tell us. | ||
| Give us a sneak peek. | ||
| Is it going to be on NBC? We're optioning the book. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The book is going to become a sitcom. | ||
| The Margaret Cho moratorium has been lifted. | ||
| The Margaret Cho moratorium on Asian television has been lifted. | ||
| We want to do a sitcom from the books. | ||
| Oh, that's fascinating. | ||
| Like Chelsea Lately. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have not seen that, but all I know is my dad's dream was to be Al Bundy and hopefully someone can play Al Bundy like my dad. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You gotta lock Bobby Lee up to a long term deal right now? | ||
| Be a part of your movie? | ||
| Or your show? | ||
| I was kinda hoping Ron Artest would go yellow face. | ||
| I wonder if he can do it. | ||
| What can they do with CGI? Think about what they did to what's his name in Tron. | ||
| Can they do that with an American actor? | ||
| Could they do that? | ||
| For my family, there's five people. | ||
| I kind of want to just get the Michigan Fab Five together and yellow face. | ||
| Go yellow face. | ||
| Just tape. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Because networks are like, which Asian actor would you want? | ||
| I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| Just get the Fab Five to go yellow face. | ||
| There was a Chinese investigator that they used to do. | ||
| Charlie Chan. | ||
| And in the movie, it was a white guy that played Charlie Chan. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| No. | ||
| The original Charlie Chan. | ||
| Yeah, the original Charlie Chan was some old dude. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Charlie Chan was like this wise, old school detective. | ||
| But yeah, it was played by Warner Oland. | ||
| He wasn't Chinese at all. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Yeah, no, a lot of people went yellowface back in the day. | ||
| I mean, that's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When did they start, you gotta leave, but when did they start adding Asian actors to roles, like allowing Asians to play roles? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was probably Gremlins 1. Oh, big trouble, little China. | |
| You know, like, no white people want to be around this gremlin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But yo, thank you for having me, man. | ||
| Dude, next time, come back again. | ||
| Come back and stay all day. | ||
| You're in the house, brother. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And please go buy Eddie's book. | ||
| It is called Fresh Off the Boat. | ||
| It is available on audible.com. | ||
| You can go to audible.com forward slash Joe and you can get that book for free if you'd like. | ||
| And you also get a 30-day free... | ||
| Hey, we've got to take a picture of you before you leave. | ||
| We've got a 30-day free membership to Audible.com, and it's one of our sponsors. | ||
| Audible.com forward slash Joe. | ||
| Thank you also to Onnit. | ||
| Go to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN. | ||
| Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| We will be back Sunday night with Dr. Stephen Greer. | ||
| He is that super smart dude who claims that he speaks to aliens. | ||
| He's the guy from the Disclosure Project. | ||
| He's not a loon. | ||
| This is going to be very fascinating, but it's going to be late. | ||
| It'll be 8 o'clock California time on Sunday. | ||
| So go check it out. | ||
| This Friday and Saturday, me and my little buddy Brian and our pal Sam motherfucking Tripoli are going to be in Ohio. | ||
| We will be at the Taft Theater on Friday in Cincinnati and the Palace Theater in Columbus on Saturday. | ||
| And then we will see you back here in Cyberspace Sunday night for the crazy Stephen Greer UFO Revelation Podcast. | ||
| My dick is hard just thinking about this. | ||
| Although that's probably not what Mr. Greer wants to hear. | ||
| Him being a distinguished gentleman of science, you don't want to hear someone's dick is hard to meet you, but it is. | ||
| So deal with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| We love the shit out of you guys. | ||
| And we couldn't be happier with everything. | ||
| So we'll see you soon. | ||
| Hopefully. | ||
| Keep it together, bitches. | ||
| Love yourself as you would love other people. | ||
| And them too. | ||
| And that. | ||
| And this. | ||
| And the other thing. |
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