Dec. 17, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:49:06
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Listen to me, you dirty fucks, because I'm only going to say this once. | ||
| The end of the world show. | ||
| There's 68 fucking tickets left. | ||
| They're probably all spread out. | ||
| You're probably not going to get to sit with your buddies, but you're going to have to deal with that shit, okay? | ||
| That's how the world works. | ||
| If you don't get your shit together early and get the tickets, you're going to have to live in the fucking boonies for the show. | ||
| You're going to have to... | ||
| Just go out there, get your freak on, sit with some other people. | ||
| They will probably be wearing Death Squad t-shirts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You'll be fine! | |
| Honey Honey Band, Joey motherfucking Diaz, Doug Stanhope, and moi. | ||
| 12-21-2012. | ||
| Will it really be the end of the world? | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| No one's ever predicted anything right, ever. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Okay, and if the Mayans were so clever, where the fuck are they now? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| If you go to Onnit.com, you can get yourself some Alpha Brain or some Shroom Tech or some upgraded coffee. | ||
| We just started selling Dave Asprey's Bulletproof Coffee. | ||
| Did you know that a lot of coffee, when you buy it, this is really kind of crazy, but a lot of coffee, when you buy it, it has fungus on it, so it's not healthy for you. | ||
| I did not know that until we had the Dave Asprey Podcast, and he explained it to us. | ||
| His coffee does not have any of those issues. | ||
| He believes that that's one of the reasons why coffee has gotten a bad rap from people as far as health tests. | ||
| He feels like more tests need to be done because the negative health repercussions, he believes, a lot of them stem from toxic mold that's on your coffee. | ||
| Crazy shit. | ||
| If you go to bulletproofexec.com, he'll explain everything far better than me because he's actually smart and not just repeating shit that smart people have already figured out like me. | ||
| Also at Onnit, we sell kettlebells and battle robes and basically all shit manly, okay? | ||
| If you're looking to get your fucking life together and live at your optimum best, we sell all sorts of supplements for that. | ||
| We got a lot of crazy shit coming down the pipe. | ||
| We have a lot of new stuff at Onnit. | ||
| We're constantly trying to Boner pills? | ||
| We're working on the testosterone booster. | ||
| There's apparently a bunch of different natural herbs like Tongat Ali and a bunch of different ones that have actually been shown to have a real effect on your body's production of testosterone. | ||
| Fascinating stuff. | ||
| I need instant boner pills. | ||
| I don't need this long-term one. | ||
| Well, you need that stuff that you were taking, which was basically some of a Viagra. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They kind of, like, fudge it. | ||
| According to Aubrey, Aubrey explained to us how these boner pills work. | ||
| When you buy, like, those at the supermarket or drugstore or whatever, those actually do work. | ||
| And one of the reasons why they work is because a lot of these companies, they take and they buy... | ||
| I forget the exact chemical name for Viagra, but whatever it is, they buy that stuff in bulk, and then they throw it in their supplements. | ||
| So yeah, you take it, you get a boner, because it's Viagra, you fuck. | ||
| Because I guess there's like this loophole where the FCC, or not the FCC, but the FDA. A. Yeah, NWA. Food and Drug Administration. | ||
| Yeah, they give you like a warning. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, if they catch you. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a little fine. | ||
| And then if you get busted again, like the third time, apparently it's big. | ||
| Yeah, and then you just change the company. | ||
| So that's what the boner pills are. | ||
| We don't have anything fake, okay? | ||
| Everything we're selling, especially in regards to supplements... | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| Brian and I sort of agreed this. | ||
| When we first started taking on sponsors, we didn't want to take on anybody shady. | ||
| We've passed on people. | ||
| We've had some offers that would have paid us money. | ||
| We were like, I don't think we should be involved with that. | ||
| We only want to be involved with people that are doing legit, honorable things. | ||
| One of the coolest things on it is... | ||
| The supplements are very good. | ||
| They're the highest quality available. | ||
| But if you don't like, if you order 30 pills of AlphaBrain, you try it, you say this doesn't do anything for me, you can get 100% of your money back. | ||
| You don't have to return the product. | ||
| You just say this shit sucks. | ||
| That's how, first of all, how confident we are that what we're selling you actually works. | ||
| If you're a mess and your health is not in order, you've got to deal with that first before you think about any of the effects of supplements, especially something subtle and although effective like nootropics. | ||
| You've got to get your body together. | ||
| Eat healthy. | ||
| Drink a fuckload of water. | ||
| If you're taking opiates, stop. | ||
| If you're smoking cigarettes, please try to stop. | ||
| Drink a fuckload of water. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Don't take this. | ||
| If you ever find this boner, don't take it. | ||
| That's not good? | ||
| No, because I thought it was good because the guy said it was awesome, but look at the bottom right. | ||
| It says one capsule for three days. | ||
| I had a boner for three days, so don't do that. | ||
| Oh, well, you know what that means? | ||
| Apparently, the way it works is there's Viagra, but then there's Cialis, and Cialis will last like a couple of days. | ||
| So that's probably what they put in that one. | ||
| That's not a good idea. | ||
| They're selling you some fucking drugs and they're sneaking them in. | ||
| Well, that's the thing about supplements. | ||
| It's a funky thing because the government, although obviously they don't do the best job of regulating the dangerous chemicals and actual pharmaceutical... | ||
| Because there's a lot of them that wind up being really dangerous. | ||
| A lot of them that they pass, that people wind up dying from and getting strokes. | ||
| I mean, we've all heard those late night lawsuits where someone who was on X drug during the period of this year and that year when it snuck through and something was really bad for you. | ||
| But the supplement industry, it's not really regulated at all. | ||
| It's really kind of a Wild West situation. | ||
| That's why it's really difficult when it comes to something like a nootropic. | ||
| It's like, does this really work? | ||
| Is this real? | ||
| On Onnit.com, if you go there, there's a science page that explains all of the clinical studies that have been done on the various ingredients and what's good about them and what's been shown, how they've been shown to improve people's test scores. | ||
| Anecdotal evidence, I'm a huge fan of it. | ||
| Poker players, a lot of poker players, love Alpha Brain. | ||
| It's just another thing that you should be doing to keep your body functioning at an optimal level. | ||
| It's not the one thing that's going to fix you, but it is another thing that will help you. | ||
| It is all the various nutrients that support the brain's production of human neurotransmitters. | ||
| And even Dennis McKenna was impressed by our ingredients, which was very exciting. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN and save yourself 10% off any and all. | ||
| We have too many sponsors today. | ||
| Do you have any more? | ||
| Yeah, we have a fucking shitload. | ||
| You want to say something? | ||
| Yeah, I just got my Ting phone. | ||
| Yes, Ting's our next sponsor. | ||
| How crazy. | ||
| I said, that's our next sponsor. | ||
| Oh, sweet, because they finally gave me one of these Samsung Galaxy S3s, which I've been playing around like crazy with. | ||
| It's great, man. | ||
| That fucking big screen really is a big difference. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I told you. | |
| It's a game changer. | ||
| When you go online, it's a game changer. | ||
| Apple, you fucked up. | ||
| You should have just admitted that you fucked up and went with the bigger screen. | ||
| Who's working over at Apple now? | ||
| Steve Jobs probably would have went with the bigger screen. | ||
| And you know what feels great about it, because I'm going to be using it as my second phone, is that if you don't want to pay for it, you could just lower your minutes down to almost nothing per month. | ||
| I think the lowest, it was like six bucks a month for having just nothing. | ||
| How many minutes is it? | ||
| I think you pay per minute when you're down at six bucks a month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| So it's like when you're in a foreign country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you could just pretty much fall off the face of the planet with that phone if you want. | ||
| You know, I know a lot of people are down to no phone calls. | ||
| They're like, oh, you text me. | ||
| If you call them up, they don't answer. | ||
| And it says, hey, don't leave me a message. | ||
| Leave me a text. | ||
| I don't listen to my voicemails. | ||
| I know like 10 people that rock it like that. | ||
| What 10 is, what Brian's talking about... | ||
| And unfortunately, Honey Honey is just sitting here staring. | ||
| No, we're absorbing all this information. | ||
| There's nothing to absorb. | ||
| There's nothing here. | ||
| But they have badass phones, and they're pretty much unlocked on Ting's network. | ||
| So you can pretty much just get a sweet phone. | ||
| You don't have to have any contract. | ||
| You go there, and I think if you put in, what is it, Ting slash Joe? | ||
| It's rogan.ting.com. | ||
| If you go to rogan.ting.com, first of all, you save $50 off of any of these really sweet Android phones. | ||
| They have the Note as well, which is that Samsung fucking giant tablet phone. | ||
| That thing is huge. | ||
| It's so ridiculous. | ||
| It's so awesome, though. | ||
| I must possess it. | ||
| It's like walking around with an iPad in your pocket. | ||
| When I look at it, I get envy, because people at shows, they come and they take pictures with me after the shows, and so many of them have that note, and I always go, ooh, I wish I had your phone. | ||
| I want your phone. | ||
| I've got phone envy. | ||
| But the Galaxy S3 is the phone envy. | ||
| I'm fine with that. | ||
| That one's fine. | ||
| It doesn't really need to be any bigger. | ||
| But the iPhone, it leaves me lacking. | ||
| I'm sad. | ||
| Do you remember, we've had phone envy for so long, me and you, you would have the E715, we're like, oh my god, they just released the E815, like the Motorola, the flip phones. | ||
| Yeah, those little stupid phones. | ||
| But I took a great fucking picture with that phone, one of the greatest pictures I've ever took in my life. | ||
| The hooker. | ||
| The hooker. | ||
| We were working in downtown LA, and it's not the downtown LA of today, which is, what's that word? | ||
| What's that word when they move into a neighborhood? | ||
| Gentrifying? | ||
| Black cloud? | ||
| Black cloud? | ||
| Or white cloud? | ||
| This woman was walking by, and she was eating a meatball sub, and she had a wig on, and she was an overweight African American hooker. | ||
| And I looked at her, and she goes, how you doing? | ||
| I go, what's up, baby? | ||
| And she pulls a tit out. | ||
| As I'm taking a picture of her with a meatball sub in one hand and a tit in the other. | ||
| And it's perfectly framed. | ||
| Like, if I was a conspiracy theorist, I would say, well, this was fake. | ||
| This is obviously Photoshop. | ||
| This never really took place. | ||
| Did you print it out? | ||
| I think it's online, right? | ||
| Can you find it? | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| Oh, it's a woman's breast. | ||
| It's not even pornographic. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's disturbing looking. | ||
| Listen, you can see a male's breast. | ||
| Why can't you see a woman's breast? | ||
| You know what's fascinating? | ||
| You can see Chaz Palminteri's breast. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Not Chaz Palminteri. | ||
| Chaz Bono. | ||
| I get him confused. | ||
| Not the surprise. | ||
| The Bronxdale. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bet you can see that too. | |
| I bet you can see his as well. | ||
| He's a man. | ||
| No disrespect to Mr. Palminteri. | ||
| It was a slip. | ||
| I meant Chaz Bono, who used to be... | ||
| It used to be Chassidy Bono, and then it's the famous daughter of Cher and got a sex change. | ||
| Well, there was like these photos of her walking down the beach topless, because now she's a man. | ||
| Now she's got like a beard, so she's allowed to walk topless. | ||
| So she's taking advantage of that. | ||
| She's walking topless. | ||
| That's her. | ||
| That's her. | ||
| That's the girl. | ||
| That's the lady. | ||
| That is a real picture. | ||
| Pull that shit up all the way. | ||
| Ustream is with us. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| Brad will be fine with it. | ||
| Don't do it, Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll do that. | |
| Just show them the meatball sub. | ||
| Just the meatball sub in her hand. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| How does that happen? | ||
| The photo's perfectly framed. | ||
| Listen, you can Photoshop one. | ||
| Make a copy of that. | ||
| Make a copy of that and just put a little blurry over the nipple. | ||
| That'll only take you a second to do, right? | ||
| Can you do that, Brian? | ||
| Fucking silly bitch. | ||
| The folks that are listening to this are not getting the full experience. | ||
| But you could find... | ||
| What is the video? | ||
| If you just type blackhookerrogan... | ||
| There you go. | ||
| That's my girl. | ||
| Greatest picture I ever took. | ||
| And I took one of those stupid flip phones. | ||
| So the phones that Ting has are far superior. | ||
| They're the best Android phones that you could buy. | ||
| Can you imagine the areolas on those phones? | ||
| They must be crazy. | ||
| It would be so crystal clear. | ||
| Then people would really say that I faked it. | ||
| It's an awesome company. | ||
| They don't have contracts. | ||
| They have really reasonable rates. | ||
| And if you don't use all the minutes in your plan, they refund you the money on the next bill. | ||
| That's tits. | ||
| They knock your next bill down. | ||
| It's like the best company. | ||
| They're ethical. | ||
| They're not evil. | ||
| It's possible to run a business and not be evil. | ||
| It's possible to provide an excellent service, which, by the way, is off the Sprint backbone. | ||
| They're on the Sprint backbone, so you're getting Sprint coverage. | ||
| It's not like fucking Fred's cell phone service. | ||
| It's like legit. | ||
| It's a huge nationwide network that's really excellent. | ||
| And it's CDMA, which I prefer to GSM. GSM is AT&T. I have both, but AT&T works better overseas. | ||
| Most people accept it overseas. | ||
| But CDMA, I find like Verizon and Sprint, I find it just seems to be a better coverage. | ||
| That's just where we live. | ||
| Rogan.ting.com. | ||
| Go there, save yourself 50 bucks, you dirty fucks. | ||
| You know that video game's pretty badass that I've been playing. | ||
| Yes, Kerosene Games. | ||
| This is our last sponsor. | ||
| Bladeslinger is this game that Kerosene Games... | ||
| We, you know... | ||
| We want to make sure, again as we said, that anything we get involved with is something that we would actually use, something that we would actually enjoy, and something that is coming from a really good place. | ||
| There's a lot of video games that they make for the iPad that really are not really iPad games. | ||
| They're like PC games that they port over to it. | ||
| And they kind of suck. | ||
| A lot of them suck. | ||
| The way that this company, Kerosene Games, that makes Bladeslingers, they've made this game from the ground up for iPads and iPhones. | ||
| So it's very intuitive touch controls. | ||
| And with the ability that they have, these processors, For these iPads now and phones, that was always an issue with computer games back in the day. | ||
| It was like, could your video card handle it? | ||
| You know, like really stunning graphics. | ||
| Remember playing Quake and those games when video cards were first coming out and people would have dual SLIs where they would have two video cards just to power the graphics. | ||
| Well, these fucking iPads are so powerful now. | ||
| I mean, you can see really amazing graphics on an iPad. | ||
| It's really nuts. | ||
| We live in strange times. | ||
| Did you just say an iPad? | ||
| iPad. | ||
| I didn't say that. | ||
| I just repeated you. | ||
| iPad, goddammit. | ||
| Slip of the tongue. | ||
| The game is called Blade Slimmer. | ||
| This is their first game. | ||
| It will be out for the... | ||
| Android operating system in January or February, and it will probably only work on the more advanced Android phones, like the newer. | ||
| Because Android, you know, they have like Ice Cream... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Ice Cream Sundae or something like that? | ||
| They have a bunch of weird names for their operating systems. | ||
| So as long as you have the latest shit, it'll probably work if it's a good one. | ||
| But again, the game is Blade Slinger. | ||
| It's a fucking badass game. | ||
| It's only $2.99, which I think is very reasonable. | ||
| You know, I think it's on sale right now. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It's on sale for 99 cents. | ||
| Yeah, so I think the end of the year, you should totally buy it now. | ||
| It's 99 cents. | ||
| What the fuck is... | ||
| If you can give a homeless person a dollar, you can buy a game that will... | ||
| Yeah, that's ridiculous. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I didn't know that it... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't even think about it that way. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like a homeless guy on a dollar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, this is something that you will enjoy. | ||
| That homeless guy is just going to be like, ooh, a dollar... | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| And this game... | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| If you go to kerosengames.com forward slash bladeslinger, there's a really cool preview. | ||
| We could actually show it here, and it'll look good, as opposed to at my stupid studio, which has shit internet bandwidth. | ||
| I have a new studio, but the internet sucks, a fat one. | ||
| So we're here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, dear. | |
| That's why we're here. | ||
| Where's the new studio? | ||
| It's in Points Unknown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Understood. | |
| I can't tell the people on the internet where the fuck your studio is. | ||
| Where's the phone number, man? | ||
| I just want to call and talk to you. | ||
| Anyway, go there. | ||
| Go check it out. | ||
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Honey Honey's here. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Do you want to look at a little video of that Blade Singer? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Put it on. | ||
| Oh, wait. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| There's an advertisement. | ||
| Kerosene Games, listen to me. | ||
| Take that fucking ad off. | ||
| You're selling a video game and you're going to have an ad in the front of it. | ||
| They're fucking you, man. | ||
| They're ruining your click-through rates. | ||
| This doesn't have one. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| So this is the game graphics, actually. | ||
| Which looks to me almost like an Xbox and a PS3. I hope that's not the real narrator. | ||
| That's not the narrator. | ||
| This is a four-year-old kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One of the things we want to call attention to here... | |
| Oh, this is just like one of those where it's a preview of the game. | ||
| It's not like a trailer or anything. | ||
| Yeah, but it's cool. | ||
| You use your iPad to swipe and do certain signs when you're attacking and stuff like that, but the graphics are amazing. | ||
| It's a fun game, and I think they're going to be adding on to it because it's a game that I see has a good future where they can just add new maps and stuff like that because they already have the groundwork down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Powerful Bladeslinger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go check it out. | ||
| Like I said, it's a dollar now. | ||
| That's the latest. | ||
| So they're very happy with it. | ||
| It's until December 29th or so. | ||
| And then it'll return to its normal price. | ||
| So right now... | ||
| Is this for your cell phone? | ||
| Get it for a buck. | ||
| You are not paying attention at all. | ||
|
unidentified
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I am! | |
| We're selling people. | ||
| We're selling souls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Souls $1. | ||
| This is some seriously high technology. | ||
| Honey, honey is here. | ||
| Brian, cue the music. | ||
| Let's get the party started. | ||
| That was probably a long-ass series of commercials. | ||
|
unidentified
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The Joe Rogan experience. | |
| Our commercials are long, they're wordy, but we get them out of the way. | ||
| And then once they're done, they're done. | ||
| But shorter than Tom Segura and Christina Pazitsky's podcast. | ||
| They have longer commercials than us? | ||
| Yeah, every time I count to where they actually start the show, it's like 26 minutes in. | ||
| They do it the same style where they just start talking and then they sort of fuck around and go off on tangents. | ||
| And then go back to tour dates and stuff. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| That's how we started it. | ||
| It's a good way to do it, though, I think. | ||
| They keep trying to pressure me to put commercials inside of podcasts, and I keep telling them to go fuck themselves. | ||
| You mean candidly and casually? | ||
| No, they bring it up. | ||
| They say, we'd like you to start introducing commercials in the middle of the podcast, and they can be pre-recorded, and we'll stick them in afterwards, but that seems sleazy. | ||
| It seems like it interrupts the flow of the conversation, right? | ||
| You guys hammered yet? | ||
| I feel warm. | ||
| I feel pretty good. | ||
| Getting toasty? | ||
| Yeah, we're drinking Maker's Mark. | ||
| Shout out to my boy Justin, who loves this shit. | ||
| Hey Justin. | ||
| My friend Justin, every time we go out, he orders this shit. | ||
| Makers. | ||
| Makers and Coke. | ||
| Why put the coke in it, though? | ||
| Why not just go right with the makers? | ||
| Because he's seven feet tall and he does whatever the fuck he wants. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| I would still shoot him straight. | ||
| Justin wants to put coke in his makers. | ||
| You just let him. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| He's the biggest human I know. | ||
| I like coke zero. | ||
| I like he's a slow mover. | ||
| Well, you might be able to outrun him. | ||
| It might be. | ||
| But goddamn, when he caught you, you'd be in fucking lots of trouble. | ||
| I have a friend who's a true giant. | ||
| Really sweetheart of a guy. | ||
| This is the dude? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a true giant. | ||
| He's enormous. | ||
| He talks like a normal guy, but he's just a huge fucking guy. | ||
| That's funny how people are just not created equal. | ||
| There's dudes like that. | ||
| There's a whole... | ||
| Our tour manager is 6'7", and he talks about that a lot. | ||
| He's like, it's really difficult. | ||
| You know, you go to, like, when we're on tour, you're at the holiday, and he's like, and the shower only comes up to my chest between my nipples. | ||
| Like, you know, it's a whole... | ||
| He's big and tall, you know what I mean? | ||
| He can never find pants that fit him, you know, the way he'd like to... | ||
| To represent pants. | ||
| I was watching TV today, and there was a fight from 2009 with this guy, Semi Schilt. | ||
| Semi Schilt used to be the K-1 Grand Prix champion. | ||
| I think he's won it at least three, if not four times. | ||
| He's 6'11". | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| 6'11", 300 pounds. | ||
| It's just like, good luck. | ||
| Go fight that guy. | ||
| He's a fucking legit giant. | ||
| I mean, he really is a giant. | ||
| Yeah, but isn't like small and mighty, though? | ||
| Like, what about that guy? | ||
| Not once the big guys learn how to fight. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Once the big guys learn how to fight, too. | ||
| The idea is that the small man with skill can overcome the big man who has no skill. | ||
| I still maintain that most of the time that's accurate, but a big man with skill is a fucking pain in the ass. | ||
| Yeah, but aren't the big ones like the stupid ones? | ||
|
unidentified
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Absolutely. | |
| You would like to think that. | ||
| Everybody would like to think that good-looking guys are stupid, too. | ||
| Well, good-looking women, a lot of people would like to think they're stupid. | ||
| Nobody wants to think there's a girl who's way hotter than you and also way smarter than you. | ||
| That's too... | ||
| That's depressing. | ||
| Yeah, it's depressing as fuck. | ||
| That bitch just got all aces. | ||
| You know, she was born with a bunch of aces. | ||
| Boobs. | ||
| Yeah, it's not fair. | ||
| It's totally not fair. | ||
| But that's life. | ||
| But then they have to deal with everybody trying to drag them down. | ||
| That must be tough. | ||
| Yeah, I would guess. | ||
| I would guess it would be really hard to be a hot chick, to deal with a lot of cunty women. | ||
| I've seen women get cunty with pretty girls for no reason. | ||
| Someone will come up and ask for directions or something like that. | ||
| I've seen cunty women just immediately going, do you know where you're going? | ||
| How much do you know this area? | ||
| You know, like, immediately dismissive. | ||
| Fuck you, Big Tits. | ||
| Yeah, like, that girl's stealing something from her by existing, by being in front of her. | ||
| She's not a sister. | ||
| She's not, you know, a fellow human to be. | ||
| That's like someone who's taking away from your value by their very existence. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I knew a girl who got furious at a guy because he brought a really hot girl to her wedding. | ||
| And everybody was paying attention to the girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| So yeah, she literally said, you know, she was like yelling at him. | ||
| Why the fuck did you bring that bitch to my wedding? | ||
| And me and the girl was like a sweetheart. | ||
| She was a very nice girl. | ||
| Didn't do anything to anybody. | ||
| But just because she was there. | ||
| She dressed nice and apparently she was very beautiful. | ||
| And the bride was furious. | ||
| Like it took away from her big day. | ||
| And she kept saying, that fucking bitch she took away from my big day. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| God, the whole wedding thing fucking freaks me out. | ||
| That pressure of it needing to be this huge monumental thing. | ||
| She's a crazy bitch. | ||
| That guy should get a divorce immediately. | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Where does she live? | ||
| He told me the whole story. | ||
| My buddy told me the whole story. | ||
| I was not there, but it was a fascinating story. | ||
| It's like animals, you know? | ||
| I've had females, female dogs. | ||
| Female dogs do not like other female dogs. | ||
| They just don't like each other. | ||
| The dog world is fascinating. | ||
| They will fight to the death. | ||
| If we were able to communicate with each other like dogs were, we would just be peeing on each other all day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And humping in public. | ||
| On the regular. | ||
| And trying to figure out who the alpha is. | ||
| Who gets to breed. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Who eats the liver. | ||
| Ben's dog. | ||
| Ben is a dog named Larry Bird. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| And Larry Bird is great. | ||
| He's fucking awesome. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Very, you know, he's really zen. | ||
| The dog is? | ||
| He is, yeah. | ||
| He doesn't really bark at all. | ||
| He just, like, he wants to be scratched on the head. | ||
| Our very good friend of a friend found him on the freeway in Nashville. | ||
| And when we moved to town, Ben's been saying he wanted a dog. | ||
| And My buddy posted an ad on Facebook and said, hey, we have this dog. | ||
| We're looking for a good home. | ||
| He's got very long legs and kind of an awkward face, so the name Larry Bird came to mind. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| What kind of dog is he? | ||
| I think he's an Australian Shepherd. | ||
| Ah, okay. | ||
| I know what those look like. | ||
| He's mid-sized, probably 45 pounds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I don't know if he's zen or if he's just real stressed out all the time and shutting down. | ||
| He gets very stressed when Ben leaves. | ||
| Yeah, I bet. | ||
| Well, you know, it's like all of a sudden he's got something good, you know? | ||
| He's got someone who cares for him and loves him. | ||
| I had a female like that. | ||
| I had a female that I adopted. | ||
| And she was eaten out of garbages when I got her. | ||
| She was all covered in mange. | ||
| And I took her in and started feeding her and taking care of her. | ||
| But she would have massive anxiety when I would leave. | ||
| She wouldn't know what to do. | ||
| She would freak out because she didn't think I was coming back, you know? | ||
| When you get down to that point, she was starving to death when I found her, literally. | ||
| In downtown LA, she was just eating out of garbage cans. | ||
| You've got to think, dogs have access to so much joy. | ||
| Those things are so happy sometimes. | ||
| If you get lucky. | ||
| They must have just as bummed out. | ||
| Well, it's like humans too. | ||
| It's like if you get lucky, you could grow up in a really awesome household where your mom and dad love you and they want to see you all the time. | ||
| And you're growing up with people that have sort of a sense of perspective and they can educate you on the ways of the world and constantly give you love. | ||
| Or you could grow up with a crazy fucking shithead mom and a nutty fucking violent abusive drug addict dad and you're fucked. | ||
| You're just fucked. | ||
| You were born into the wrong spot. | ||
| And there's nothing you did and your entire potential completely changes because of that. | ||
| Your entire way of absorbing the world, of even just dealing with reality. | ||
| It's compromised by this situation that you were born into with no effort of your own, no karma behind it, no nothing. | ||
| You just were there. | ||
| Unless you believe in reincarnation. | ||
| Unless you believe in... | ||
| There's no fucking evidence to support any of that. | ||
| But the idea that people are responsible, especially babies, are responsible for terrible things that... | ||
| Happened to them because of things that they did in a past life. | ||
| I'd have to say, Jesus fucking Christ, how cunty is the universe? | ||
| How about you let a baby slide, you know? | ||
| Don't punish him from some shit that some other entity had done in a past life. | ||
| That's so ridiculous. | ||
| It's a super sad aspect of this world. | ||
| Your life could be awesome or it could be shit. | ||
| And it's just dependent on who gives birth to you and where you are, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, we're lucky as fuck. | ||
| Well, great. | ||
| I'm crying. | ||
| We are lucky as fuck. | ||
| You and I, all of us here, and to live in America, to live in 2012 in America, with fucking medicine and doctors and the internet and all this shit, you know? | ||
| Well, it's interesting how our challenges change as, you're right, like, it's kind of a... | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| One of my best friends in Ohio, he got really mad about his cell phone bill. | ||
| He found out that since, I don't know, 2007 or something, he paid T-Mobile $5,000, which is, I think, normal if you were to add that up. | ||
| And he was like, this is ridiculous. | ||
| He's like, I want to spend my money on other things. | ||
| So he stopped using a cell phone for three months. | ||
| He didn't have a cell phone. | ||
| He used a landline or would communicate through email and he was telling me how difficult it was but how incredibly liberating. | ||
| And not that that's a problem. | ||
| I'm kind of segueing into just like you were talking about how we've evolved. | ||
| And technology makes everything so easy. | ||
| You could take care of things at your house right now with your cell phone because you have robots there. | ||
| But it's so interesting. | ||
| I've always been fascinated with people who could Who were incredibly resourceful with nature, like Boy Scouts and stuff like that. | ||
| Like just to go home and make a fire right now. | ||
| Rub and sticks together and shit. | ||
| I whittled myself a coffee table. | ||
| And I find that to be incredibly fascinating. | ||
| I really actually in some spare time would like to learn a few tips if anybody has any. | ||
| You want to be like a subsistence... | ||
| Well, I want to know how to make my own bow and arrows. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Have you ever watched any of those shows, like Alaska shows, where these people are like homesteaders out there and they gather all their food within the summer months and then they fucking freeze their dicks off for like eight months out of the year? | ||
| No, I haven't seen that. | ||
| Amazing! | ||
| If you're into that, if you're talking about people living off the land and trying to survive out there, it is a fucking fascinating show. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And this is generations after generations. | ||
| These people just live like that. | ||
| There's this level of awareness and oneness with nature that I think is so cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| When you know something, you're just like you're in the earth. | ||
| And so, obviously, I don't really have too much experience with that. | ||
| I'm really good at fishing. | ||
| I like to fish. | ||
| Are you good? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I'm good at it. | ||
| I know how to catch them. | ||
| Oh, you like the shit. | ||
| You're ready for Bass Pro Masters tournaments and shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can hang. | |
| Not really. | ||
| Bass Masters. | ||
| No, I do like to fish, though. | ||
| Fishermen make a fuckload of money. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| Like, professional fishermen? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you can make a great living if you're, like, a famous fisherman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How hilarious is that? | ||
| This famous fisherman. | ||
| I think we should try. | ||
| You want to try with me? | ||
| Start entering tournaments. | ||
| I mean, you're in Nashville. | ||
| There's, like, some great bass fishing down in that area. | ||
| It's a competition, though. | ||
| I think the world record's from the South. | ||
| That's the same thing though, that whole oneness. | ||
| That just becomes part of their receptive faculties as they know the fucking water. | ||
| They know about the fish. | ||
| They know what's going on. | ||
| They know they don't like that kind of tackle. | ||
| That lure doesn't work. | ||
| Yeah, it certainly becomes, you know, you have this connection with this animal that you're going after, trying to figure out how to keep pulling them out of their world by tricking them with fake fish. | ||
| You know, what a ruthless fucking game fishing is. | ||
| You throw out this impossibly beautiful, wiggling, sparkly thing that makes some poor fish just want to go bite it. | ||
| And he bites it and gets literally pulled out of the dimension he exists in to another dimension that he can't survive in. | ||
| He can't move. | ||
| He can't fly around in it like he can in the water. | ||
| All of a sudden he's in air and like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| And if you pulled him... | ||
| Right. | ||
| And if it's deep enough water, they'll die just from the pressure. | ||
| Just from going through the deep, deep, deep water to the surface. | ||
| They'll be like... | ||
| Like, they can't even handle it. | ||
| Like, what are we doing out here? | ||
| We're supposed to be at, like, 700 feet of water. | ||
| And just yank those fuckers up to the surface. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're just like... | |
| You're really ruining it for me now. | ||
| There goes my fishing boner. | ||
| No, listen, fishing is awesome. | ||
| I love fishing, but it's got to be a fucking, a real freak out for that poor barracuda. | ||
| You know, bites down on your lure. | ||
| Barracudas aren't poor. | ||
| They're not? | ||
| They're rich? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Are they like a... | ||
| Yeah, they're definitely a top shelf fish, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're tropical. | |
| I don't think... | ||
| I don't think people eat them that much. | ||
| There's that one song. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're famous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you ever, like, did you like Heart when you were a kid? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Did you like that band Heart? | ||
| Did you sing that song, Barracuda? | ||
| They had a bunch of great songs. | ||
| I got some stuff. | ||
| I mean, they were crazy on you. | ||
| I like heart, and yes, what do you have for me, Brian Redman? | ||
| Fucking bring that shit. | ||
| He has my Viagra shit. | ||
| I just want to know, no disrespect to the Viagra pills and what have you, but what happened to the old-fashioned boners? | ||
| I mean, just a good old-fashioned boner. | ||
| Well, SSRIs killed a lot of them. | ||
| A lot of people on antidepressants have a huge problem getting wood. | ||
| Oh, I have normal boners, but it's nice to have that five-hour boner when you just want to have a vacation. | ||
| Brian is just an abuser. | ||
| A vacation boner? | ||
| Yeah, once in a while you're like, alright, I'll take care of you. | ||
| You're just trying to challenge yourself, really? | ||
| Yeah, I want to see how much boner I can have. | ||
| Olympic boner style? | ||
| Like marathon boner sex. | ||
| But here's my question. | ||
| Your partner, I mean, are they having sex for eight hours? | ||
| Because that sounds kind of painful. | ||
| Well, he mostly sleeps. | ||
| He mostly sleeps. | ||
| Yeah, Brian just fucks dudes that are unconscious. | ||
| Well played. | ||
| That's Brian's thing. | ||
| Just gives them GHP. He takes Viagra. | ||
| I believe it's called bro rape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro rape. | |
| You've got to be careful about that. | ||
| You can't even use that. | ||
| If you joke about rape, you support rape. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| Yeah, stop. | ||
| Be careful, careful. | ||
| You know, one of the things I've noticed, I posted this on Twitter about a lot of lefties. | ||
| So uncomfortable. | ||
| There's a funny thing lately where, like, hardcore lefties, you know, what they like to call themselves progressives, they will criticize stereotypical Muslims in television and film. | ||
| Like, I saw these progressives that were criticizing Homeland. | ||
| The show? | ||
| Yeah, that all of the Muslim characters are cartoonish. | ||
| You know, and it's like, I find it offensive. | ||
| They're like, finding it offensive. | ||
| But it's hilarious that they would never do that with cartoonish Christians. | ||
| Like if there was like, you know, a TV show and all the Christians had God Hates Fags posters and were walking around, you would never hear progressions bitching about fundamentalist Christians that are represented in a cartoonish way. | ||
| But fundamentalist Muslims, it's like, oh, we have to be aware and conscious and we have to be like really sensitive To, like, these foreign people and their ideas? | ||
| Like, wackadoos that are brown, like, you have to be, like, really kind to them and show them kind. | ||
| But wackadoos that are white and look too much like your relatives, like, fuck them. | ||
| Fuck the Christians. | ||
| Fuck them. | ||
| Let them be as cartoonish as possible. | ||
| But you have to be super sensitive about the way people who, you know, Islam, it's not all terrorists, not Islam... | ||
| As if one ideology makes any more sense than another ideology. | ||
| Any of these fucking goofy cults make any sense. | ||
| Any of them. | ||
| But progressives, they don't want to criticize Islam lately. | ||
| It's like these cartoonish Muslim characters. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| That's not how I feel about culture. | ||
| Isn't that just as much a cult as any of the other ones? | ||
| Being progressive is a cult, for sure. | ||
| The hardcore lefty stance is a cult. | ||
| I mean, there's shit that fits in and doesn't fit in. | ||
| It's like when it comes to gun control and these horrible fucking mass shootings that have been going on lately. | ||
| Everybody's answer is always gun control from the left. | ||
| And everybody from the right is they need to arm people. | ||
| To make sure that this can't happen because you're not going into an unarmed area. | ||
| If people had guns of their own, they would know that they couldn't just do this. | ||
| It's a complex issue. | ||
| But anyone from the left never recognizes that. | ||
| It's always gun control. | ||
| You fucking NRI people, are you happy? | ||
| You can fucking believe this shit. | ||
| Why do you need a gun? | ||
| Find a new hobby. | ||
| You don't need to hunt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Find a new hobby. | |
| Well, it's really interesting to... | ||
| Discuss this topic because we just moved to Nashville and that's a gun town. | ||
| There's guns everywhere and I have friends that carry concealed weapons. | ||
| There's this one girl, she's like this super hot chick and she's always got a little pistol in her purse, like no big deal. | ||
| Good for her. | ||
| But I think that something that's, you know, maybe I'll tell you at a later date. | ||
| I think that You know, it's a really interesting feeling to be in a town, in a community with that. | ||
| And where I see it is that, like, we've heard all these stories of like, don't worry, mom, dad, I'm safe. | ||
| But, you know, like our friends of friends getting shot, people being, you know, shot several, like all these different stories. | ||
| And, you know, there's a lot of crime everywhere. | ||
| But They had this turn your gun in day to try and reduce the firearm population. | ||
| But at the end of the day, I'm not pro-gun or anti-gun. | ||
| I don't even know what I am. | ||
| But I was thinking about it. | ||
| And I'm like, the bad guys aren't going to turn their guns in. | ||
| Poor people are going to turn their guns in. | ||
| It's a noble cause to try and alleviate violence of any kind. | ||
| But at the same time, it's like they're already there. | ||
| And I just don't see how they could go away. | ||
| But I don't, I'm not making, fuck, that's like a strong statement. | ||
| No, well you're making a logical statement because the real issue is not whether or not we change the laws, it's whether or not people are willing to break those laws. | ||
| And the majority of crimes, violent crimes with guns, I believe in this country are committed with illegal guns. | ||
| So it's already this weird situation. | ||
| The kid who was in possession of these guns, these were his mother's guns. | ||
| I mean, you talk about gun control. | ||
| He violated a bunch of different laws before he ever left the house by just handling these guns and loading them and taking them out of there. | ||
| They weren't his to fuck with. | ||
| So he was violating laws, and then the question is, why do these things even exist? | ||
| Why does someone need an assault rifle? | ||
| Those are legitimate questions. | ||
| Those are questions that we really should consider. | ||
| There's no doubt about it. | ||
| But the idea that we need to take all guns away, that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| If people wanted to, look what Timothy McVeigh did with a truck and some fertilizer. | ||
| People want to. | ||
| They can kill people in a bunch of different ways with a bunch of different shit that you can get. | ||
| And there's plans for it on the Internet. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| We really stop and think about it. | ||
| How many people there are that there's 300 million of us, at least plus Mexicans in this country. | ||
| And we only have, you know, this many crazy people running around shooting people. | ||
| It's really kind of shocking. | ||
| It's amazingly good considering the numbers. | ||
| It's just when something does happen, it's so horrible and so heart-wrenching and, you know, it fucks with our heads. | ||
| The real statistics, though, if you think about how many people actually have guns... | ||
| And how many people are running around shooting people? | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing how behaved everybody is, for the most part. | ||
| If you just look at the actual numbers of human beings, this is a crazy time to be alive. | ||
| There's 300 million people in this continent, driving around in cars, getting stuck in traffic, and the amount of people that actually shoot people is relatively small. | ||
| But when you compare it to other countries with stricter gun control laws, you see those numbers drop so much. | ||
| So that's a hard comparison. | ||
| But the issue is they've already had that. | ||
| It's like the question of how do you take the guns. | ||
| I mean, you'd have to go door to door. | ||
| You don't have to storm houses. | ||
| It's like, how would you eradicate the guns? | ||
| From our neighborhood the way they have in England. | ||
| In England, they never really had it. | ||
| So when you see low UK gun violence rates, it's like, yeah, they never really had the guns. | ||
| Even the cops don't have them. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They have them in case of extreme situations. | ||
| American Werewolf in London. | ||
| When the wolf gets out, that's when they bust it out. | ||
| You can't fuck with a werewolf when you've got a billy club. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Silly bitch. | |
| But you need a silver bullet anyway. | ||
| I think there's arguments on both sides. | ||
| There's definitely arguments on both sides. | ||
| But you know what the other argument is? | ||
| The unsung discussion? | ||
| What was this kid on? | ||
| What was going on with his head? | ||
| Was he medicated? | ||
| Was he on who knows what from the time he was a child? | ||
| Do you know how many fucking kids get put on Ritalin? | ||
| Do you know how many fucking kids get put on antidepressants at a young age? | ||
| We live in strange times of... | ||
| Of just manipulating with human neurochemistry. | ||
| And especially when you're mixing things, which people do. | ||
| They'll take illegal drugs with legal drugs. | ||
| And it's a psychotic combination. | ||
| You know, Zoloft and cocaine. | ||
| It's famous for people going fucking berserk on it. | ||
| I'm going to try that. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| Well, it's interesting. | ||
| We need to know what was wrong with this kid. | ||
| Whether he had a mental illness. | ||
| Whether he was medicated. | ||
| There was obviously something fucking really wrong with him. | ||
| Just to be able to do that. | ||
| Just to be able to do physically what he did and shoot kids. | ||
| There's got to be something way wrong with his wiring. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wonder... | |
| I was thinking about this the other day, about all these mass shootings and all the people responsible for them. | ||
| And I wonder if there were to be... | ||
| I mean, maybe they're already doing this and I'm foolish, I don't know. | ||
| But if you were to dissect their brains and literally if there was some sort of similar common thread of an excessive chemical or something... | ||
| Like Hitler. | ||
| What about Hitler? | ||
| Finding out the bad, you know, like saying that there was a human race, like there's a right way to have a brain, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like you have to be blonde, blue eyes, you know, and anyone else, you know. | ||
| So you're saying find like a common trait. | ||
| Let him talk himself out of this place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, I don't know what he's saying, and I was like, I can't tell if I'm going to laugh or he's really sincere. | |
| Finding a common trait of somebody that's fucked up in their head and putting him aside. | ||
| We need to get you back on the provigil, son. | ||
| Give me some. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What do you got? | ||
| You got something right now? | ||
| God, this is such a difficult thing to talk about because it's a... | ||
| It's horrific. | ||
| It's horrific. | ||
| Because it's still, everybody's, you know, it's so painful. | ||
| And I think that at the end of the day, there isn't anything that we're going to find out or be able to fix it, whether it's gun control or anything other than trying to... | ||
| Trying to be, as a community, more aware of each other. | ||
| You know, we're talking about all these things about, like, at your fingertips, and, like, we're, you know, we've got cell phones that do everything for us, and nobody, like, I think people stop paying attention to things. | ||
| Like, just the most rudimentary level of human existence and communication of just, like, really seeing someone and being in touch with them. | ||
| And I think some people get isolated and more and more isolated. | ||
| And I don't fucking know. | ||
| I'll only speak for myself. | ||
| There's a lot of us. | ||
| And the problem is we can't be looking out for everybody around us when we're not even in contact with them. | ||
| We live in these communities where there's a guy who lives right down the street from you. | ||
| He's two houses down. | ||
| He wouldn't be able to pick him out in a lineup. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| I don't fucking know all my neighbors. | ||
| You know, I live in a community of people that are basically strangers, you know, and they're strangers to their community and that's not how it used to be. | ||
| There's something that happened to us when we invented automobiles and mass transit and the ability to move along great distances is we don't live and work close. | ||
| We don't have the same sort of community that people did before they had cars. | ||
| And that's sort of how human beings were invented, or rather how human beings developed. | ||
| We developed to grow up in these communities, tribes, where we all stuck together, we all hunted together, we farmed together, we gathered together, we raised each other's children. | ||
| And then someone figured out cars and it just stopped. | ||
| They just started like, let's live in the fucking east side and let's drive up across town. | ||
| I want to live in the suburbs. | ||
| I'd love to have a house in the mountains. | ||
| And then everybody was able to just go wherever the fuck they wanted to. | ||
| And then they would meet for work or go over each other's houses. | ||
| But the sense of community got further and further apart. | ||
| I've had this conversation with some of my friends. | ||
| I'm like, why don't we all live in the same neighborhood, man? | ||
| Why don't we do that? | ||
| Wouldn't that be awesome if you lived across the street from me? | ||
| Can't we make that happen? | ||
| Let's find a place. | ||
| We'd be trying to play basketball with you all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That would be fun. | ||
| Wouldn't it be amazing if you could literally live in a community of all of your friends? | ||
| I don't know anybody who does that. | ||
| Except there's these mixed martial arts guys in Sacramento, Uriah Faber, and all of his friends. | ||
| They've got a situation where they bought a bunch of houses in the same cul-de-sac, I think, and they just all live next to each other. | ||
| Which is awesome. | ||
| That's the way to do it. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I think that'd be really cool, but it's funny to talk about tribal existence, where many of us have come from. | ||
| I think we've all come from. | ||
| The tribal existence was everybody worked together as woven into the same cloth, but everybody had a job to do and an end to hold up. | ||
| And we're in a society where everyone's just an individual, you know, for the most part. | ||
| And it's really interesting to think about if we were going to, you know, to try to have like a communal type thing again. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, we would have to if we lost our ability to travel distances. | ||
| That would really fuck a lot of people up. | ||
| If something happened and society was thrown into chaos and we lost our ability to get oil and gas, it's not that far outside the realm of possibility. | ||
| If we look at the face of the earth, like when scientists start going into the past and see some of the cataclysmic events that have happened, Like, you know, the predate human beings. | ||
| There's been some big ones. | ||
| Like a lot of them. | ||
| Like a whole shitload of them. | ||
| And it's really possible that one could happen. | ||
| And if it did happen, we would lose all electricity. | ||
| Essentially forever. | ||
| For the rest of your life, there'd be no more electricity. | ||
| Because no one's going to be able to figure out how to fucking fix it without any real infrastructure available anymore. | ||
| And you'd have a few people that were surviving by living off the land. | ||
| You'd have a few people. | ||
| I mean, we could go back to that again. | ||
| Like... | ||
| That. | ||
| One super volcano, one asteroid. | ||
| There was an asteroid that just flew by, and the Chinese got these photographs of it. | ||
| I retweeted it. | ||
| It flies by every four years, and it's over a mile wide. | ||
| It's a mile wide piece of rock that flies really close to us every year, or every four years. | ||
| It's a mile and a half wide, sorry. | ||
| A mile and a half wide. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| So basically what's going to happen is Friday, when the end of the world comes, and we've got some stragglers, which will clearly be the majority of the will turn. | ||
| I feel like this is a real hot spot for... | ||
| Survivors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Survivors. | |
| Yep, that's right. | ||
| So we're going to have to come up with a game plan of, you know, I'll bring the canned goods and... | ||
| Make sure the ratio is good though. | ||
| I feel like there's going to be a lot of dudes. | ||
| Yeah, there's going to be a lot of sausage. | ||
| We're going to have to bring a lot of booze. | ||
| Big sausage factory. | ||
| Not many breedable females. | ||
| Yeah, that's the problem. | ||
| Some board games. | ||
| We have to be real careful to really make sure we protect our genetics. | ||
| No, I mean, we really have the whole fate of the human race. | ||
| So now you're talking like Hitler, though, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| That's what I'm trying to say. | ||
| Hitler had a lot of good points. | ||
| He was just crazy. | ||
| If you had, like, I mean, look, if you had some real engineering of the human race, you would have to do some culling, right? | ||
| It's like when you have a thorn or a rose bush, and you have some fucking wacky branches, you gotta trim them bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| We accept that. | ||
| We accept that scientifically. | ||
| We accept that in the nature world, the world of animals and plants, but we don't accept it with people. | ||
| We connect emotions to the most horrific and fucked up amongst us, and we don't even want to kill them. | ||
| We don't want to kill bad people. | ||
| We don't want to prune them. | ||
| The electric chair is barbaric. | ||
| Lethal injection is horrific. | ||
| We're no better than them. | ||
| What are you doing, son? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I don't know why this just started playing. | ||
| Watching cowboy porn? | ||
| No. | ||
| I was looking for that asteroid and then an ad came up on this website. | ||
| Some dude just tweeted at us about a serial killer expert learns he has the brain of a killer. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I probably shouldn't even talk about this right now. | ||
| Yeah, I saw that. | ||
| That was a documentary. | ||
| Yeah, it was a guy who found out that he passed all the tests for being a sociopath or a psychopath, whichever one that is. | ||
| I was going to bring this up earlier, too. | ||
| There's this article... | ||
| It says, I am Adam Lanza's mother. | ||
| It's about this woman, or excuse me, this woman is talking about her own son who has a lot of similarities between him and the shooter from Sandy Hook. | ||
| And there's all these, my phone's kind of freezing here, but it's talking about there's struggles with him and, you know, the diagnosis they're giving him, all the mood-altering drugs, and they just don't know how to handle a kid with this type of brain. | ||
| And that's when it comes back to, we've been talking about this a lot, just like, how do you approach the mental health aspect of this? | ||
| And it's such an inexact science. | ||
| It's like, how do you treat these kids if you don't really know what's going on, if the treatment is making them worse or better? | ||
| And that's kind of the gray area that we're stuck in it seems like. | ||
| Yeah, and we also don't understand why a person develops that way. | ||
| What makes a person a sociopath? | ||
| What makes a person a psychopath? | ||
| Is it nature? | ||
| Is it nurture? | ||
| You know, everyone's different. | ||
| There's different, there's a gradient, there's like a spectrum of different, there's people that are just a little crazy. | ||
| They're okay, but they're just a little crazy. | ||
| And then there's people that literally don't see reality the way we all agree it looks. | ||
| There's these people that you see them sitting on the side of the road, and they're talking to themselves, and they're covered in dirt, and they haven't washed in a year, and they're nodding back and forth and having conversations like, okay, what's that guy seeing? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| I mean, he's having a fucking full-blown conversation with people that aren't even there. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| What's going on there? | ||
| And we don't exactly know. | ||
| We know how to give them some drugs and make them not do that. | ||
| We know there's something wrong with his firing mechanism and his fucking noodle, but we don't exactly know what that guy's seeing. | ||
| He could tell us. | ||
| He might be lying. | ||
| He might be seeing some shit that he doesn't even like to talk about. | ||
| He might be seeing dragons and shit. | ||
| Well, I think if you were to take a considerable amount of mushrooms, then you would know what he was seeing. | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| I say we try it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, well, I see your point. | |
| The last thing you want to do is get locked into a homeless dude's way of thinking. | ||
| Yeah, no, yeah. | ||
| You become him. | ||
| I think I take it back. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| People are pulling their brains out on LSD. Like that guy from Pink Floyd that they wrote that song Shine On You Crazy Diamond. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah, that's apparently about a dude who lost his mind on some LSD. You could fuck up. | ||
| You could fuck up and go deep. | ||
| And Suzanne just got nervous and reached for the markers. | ||
| Oh, no, that's not nervous. | ||
| That's just straight, I'm accessing my pleasure energy. | ||
| Your pleasure energy. | ||
| How does that sound? | ||
| The booze energy, that's the pleasure energy. | ||
| I do love it. | ||
| Everything's fine, guys. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| It's Monday. | ||
| Do you find there's a lot of resistance? | ||
| Do you talk about loving it? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Actually, I found this is really funny. | ||
| We talk about booze all the time because we're boozers. | ||
| I'm not an alcoholic, but I love bourbon. | ||
| I don't drink bourbon every day, but I talk about it because I'm comfortable that way. | ||
| We've had a few emails here and there. | ||
| Some dude was like, I saw you at your show when you were on tour, and you just looked so tired. | ||
| And look, drugs have torn into people. | ||
| And I was like, let's just go right over this again. | ||
| You saw me on tour, and I looked tired. | ||
| That is a shocker! | ||
| And kind of just had this whole... | ||
| Just slept in a van in a Wendy's parking lot. | ||
| It was very sweet, and I'm not going to throw him under the bus to be concerned. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| Well, you know, from his point, there's a lot of people that think that the life of a showbiz person is just fucking drugs and barely keeping it together and stumbling onto stage the night that, you know... | ||
| But, dude, I know... | ||
| I mean, at the same time, I'm fully aware of that side. | ||
| Like, I... It does exist. | ||
| It totally, and you know, I'm sure, because it's like, when you're on the road, and you're just moving all the time, and you're never in the same place, you're never in this, like, you're fucking lonely, you know, you're, there's just so much going on, like, drinking, you know. | ||
| There's a real comfort in repetition, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You know, because you're going to, you're in a different club every night, but there's always... | ||
| And everybody wants to party with you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But at the same time, I really... | ||
| I don't like... | ||
| I love to drink, but I don't like being wasted. | ||
| I don't like not being in control, and I don't like losing my voice. | ||
| So there's a balance. | ||
| I feel really lucky that I have a partner who is... | ||
| We do this together. | ||
| If one of us was slipping, there'd be a lot to handle, but we're pretty... | ||
| We're probably slipping down together. | ||
| Yeah, it's just like a Slow, erosive. | ||
| It's nice that you can count on each other. | ||
| It's nice that you both keep your shit together. | ||
| I remember one time when we first started touring together, Ben got really drunk, and he had really long hair, and I held his hair while he pute. | ||
| Aww, beautiful. | ||
| That's sweet. | ||
| I tied it in a ponytail so he looked like a yoga instructor. | ||
| That's sweet. | ||
| And then probably a few days later, I got a little drunk and I remember I passed out with my boots on. | ||
| So I let a whole squad of these guys from the show in. | ||
| Just went to town on her. | ||
| Yeah, that's really funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's technical. | |
| I think you just contributed to rape culture. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I was going to say it. | ||
| I'm going to call you out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really, Joe? | |
| Really? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's cool that you guys can count on each other, that you know that you're both in it to do the right shit, to get it done, that you're both in it to make great music. | ||
| It's like a lot of bands have an issue. | ||
| There's like five guys... | ||
|
unidentified
|
There she is. | |
| Wow, that is a large ta-ta. | ||
| That's an amazing picture. | ||
| Come on, that is the picture. | ||
| That looks like it weighs like five pounds. | ||
| We had to block out the nipple because apparently it almost sunk CBS when Janet Jackson whipped one out. | ||
| Who knows what it could do to Ustream. | ||
| But this lady with her tit out, I did not ask her to do this. | ||
| This was the universe giving me a gift. | ||
| Did it turn you on? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, yes and no. | ||
| It wasn't CeeLo Green the whole time. | ||
| Yes and no. | ||
| It did not turn me on. | ||
| It did not turn me on sexually, but it did turn me on socially because I knew I was going to post this online and people were going to go bananas. | ||
| I was very excited. | ||
| I was like, I have to show people. | ||
| This is going to give them great joy. | ||
| I think this is the part where he started to lose his mind. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I lost my mind. | |
| Joe Logan came out and whipped out my titties. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Brian, do you think she's alive now? | ||
| Because that was like 2005. If you had to guess, do you think that woman's alive? | ||
| She's eating meatball subs every day. | ||
| I'm sure there's some cholesterol issues. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Italians live forever. | |
| Do they? | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| Those motherfuckers, they live forever. | ||
| That's good to know. | ||
| But that was a real moment for me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks, Dad. | |
| It was a great, great moment for me. | ||
| I wish you had that on video, though. | ||
| Yeah, it would be. | ||
| It would be awesome. | ||
| HD, Galaxy S3 video. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then she'd probably sue me. | ||
| I wonder if she knows that picture's out there. | ||
| I wonder if someone's like, girl, do you know that your picture's online and your titties out and you got a meatball sub in your hand? | ||
| That ain't even me. | ||
| My wig don't look nothing like that. | ||
| That is not me. | ||
| That is not me, girl. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| That was a bitchy saying. | ||
| Girl, do you know that there's pictures of you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You got your titty out and a meatball sub in your hand. | |
| And bitch, you look fat. | ||
| You look like Bigfoot. | ||
| Look at that gut. | ||
| Oh, that's a gut of a person who doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| She doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| I think that's just a dick. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That's not a dick. | ||
| That's a real tit, bro. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| You can't make a fake tit like that on a man. | ||
| Fake tits on men always look odd. | ||
| And the nipples are never big enough. | ||
| And you know that that nipple's the correct size. | ||
| That's the thing about trannies. | ||
| Oh, by the way, that's another thing. | ||
| Tell us what you know about trannies, Joe. | ||
| People are transphobic. | ||
| Did you know that, Brian? | ||
| That's a new issue. | ||
| Transphobia. | ||
| A lot of the progressives are going after people that are transphobic if you're making any jokes about trannies. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Even saying trannies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We need to be more sensitive. | ||
| I'm fascinated. | ||
| Did we talk about Buck Angel the last time we were on here? | ||
| I feel like we did. | ||
| We might not, but there's never enough talk about Buck Angel. | ||
| We did a show with him. | ||
| No, you didn't. | ||
| Yes, we did. | ||
| No, you didn't. | ||
| I'm telling you the truth. | ||
| We were in Toronto. | ||
| Toronto, Asia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just kidding. | |
| It's in Canada. | ||
| And we were... | ||
| You confused the shit out of people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They were like, really? | |
| Is Toronto a country in Asia as well? | ||
| It's not honey. | ||
| So you were up there with Buck. | ||
| Is Buck Angel from Toronto? | ||
| It was called Idea City, which is like TED Talks. | ||
| And it was a conference for... | ||
| It was really incredible. | ||
| And you guys played music? | ||
| We did, yeah. | ||
| We were playing with our friend Adam Cohen. | ||
| We were his band. | ||
| So we weren't playing as Honey Honey, which was kind of cool because I felt like... | ||
| We were just a bunch of hired guns. | ||
| Oh, that's kind of fun, right? | ||
| Yeah, playing banjo, singing backup. | ||
| Just to be a musician? | ||
| It was fun, only when I go back and watch the videos, I did not play well. | ||
| I'm not proud of my playing, but I'm fucking working on it, and I've gotten better, so, for the record. | ||
| But anyway, we were... | ||
| I don't know what good playing or bad playing is. | ||
| Steve Martin's good. | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| Oh my god, he's so good. | ||
| We got to see him in Nashville. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really entertaining guy. | ||
| But anyway, Buck Angel. | ||
| Buck Angel. | ||
| So the conference that we were at was a three-day conference and the theme was women. | ||
| And in all the facets of like, it was going through scientific evolution and, you know, in society. | ||
| And like there was anywhere from Olympic gold medalists to doctors and psychiatrists and lawyers and an oceanographer. | ||
| This incredible woman. | ||
| Dr. Sylvia Earle. | ||
| I love her. | ||
| And then they had two different trannies. | ||
| Transvestites. | ||
| Yeah, don't be transphobia. | ||
| You don't want to call them trannies. | ||
| Dude, man, just be you. | ||
| You know you can't call people twinks anymore? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Adam Cohen, the guy who's the head of Bravo, had to apologize. | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
| The guy who's the head of Bravo. | ||
| He made a twink joke. | ||
| I'd like to see him try to stop me, Joe. | ||
| He had to apologize to the twink neighborhood. | ||
| The twink community. | ||
| Look, old Greg had a mangina. | ||
| I support him. | ||
| Anyway, so Buck Angel... | ||
| You should explain to people who don't know what the fuck we're talking about. | ||
| Okay, so Buck Angel is a very famous transvestite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Transsexual. | |
| Transsexual, excuse me. | ||
| Who's a woman, but is almost as jacked as Joe Rogan, and just a massive frame of a man, of a typical man, but actually is a woman, you know. | ||
| And does porn, right? | ||
| And does porn. | ||
| Holla! | ||
| And is married to a woman. | ||
| Holla! | ||
| Which makes me wonder, does that make him a lesbian? | ||
| Well, he does porn with girls or guys? | ||
| With guys. | ||
| Maybe girls, too. | ||
| But I did myself an unsolid, and I was like, oh, I'm curious. | ||
| Because I was really fascinated by Buck Angel's talk. | ||
| Brian, you know what you do. | ||
| So I went online and I looked up some Buck Angel porn. | ||
| And it really kind of messed me up because I saw him in the elevator the next day. | ||
| And I was just like, oh God. | ||
| I'm so confused. | ||
| I'm just confused. | ||
| So did it feel like gay porn? | ||
| What did you feel like you were watching? | ||
| It was a total shaved vag. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it was just so... | |
| You see the top frame, which is all... | ||
| He looks like a lumberjack. | ||
| He's got a goatee. | ||
| He's tatted up. | ||
| He has huge muscles. | ||
| And he lives his life as a man, so I feel it's right to call him him because I think that's what he prefers. | ||
| And he was great. | ||
| He was fucking cool. | ||
| I liked hanging out with him. | ||
| But after I saw him getting pounded by a dude that looked just like him into his vagina, I was really confused. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, there's Buck on the right. | ||
| That's Buck. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's fucking huge! | |
| That really does look like a fucking dude. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I mean, that's a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a big guy. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| Brian added that song, by the way. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah, he does that on everything, that son of a bitch. | ||
| If you go to that actual video, you will not get that full experience. | ||
| Someone needs to make that mix. | ||
| But yeah, that looks like a big dude. | ||
| Yep, and there's no D downstairs. | ||
| But does he have a large clitoris, at least? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm also really, really excited that he has this project going. | |
| I just want to reach out to you kids and let you know that I really had a tough time when I was a kid. | ||
| People didn't understand me. | ||
| People didn't get that I felt like a guy. | ||
| I got teased. | ||
| I was in fights constantly. | ||
| I was isolated. | ||
| I didn't know who to reach out to. | ||
| I tried to commit suicide again. | ||
| Enough, Buck. | ||
| You're bumming me out. | ||
| I wanted to watch you suck some dicks. | ||
| I didn't want to watch you cry. | ||
| You're acting like a little bitch. | ||
| Settle the fuck down. | ||
| You're insensitive. | ||
| This is more transphobia. | ||
| You guys are cave people. | ||
| I'm gonna throw up my vegan pizza now. | ||
| Oh, that's fun. | ||
| Anyway, moving on. | ||
| Listen, it takes every kind of people to make this world go round. | ||
| I think we learned that in the 70s. | ||
| And Buck Angel, good on ya. | ||
| Go get that. | ||
| So then there was another transvestite that was... | ||
| Transsexual, excuse me. | ||
| I'm using the wrong word. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Vestite is just a pretender in a dress. | ||
| Forgive my ignorance. | ||
| Just a man in a dress. | ||
| Look, I live a sheltered life. | ||
| When you go and get your shit snipped. | ||
| That's when you move into the wonderful world of people that made the commitment. | ||
| Ben, what was the name of the other? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nina Story. | |
| Nina Story. | ||
| So there's all these hormonal treatments that they have to undergo. | ||
| And they have to get them every week or every month. | ||
| I think so, yeah. | ||
| How do you afford that? | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| I wonder if people's insurance companies pay for it. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| I bet they do. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| Okay, let's Google. | ||
| I bet they do. | ||
| I bet this is something that people have been trying. | ||
| There's a lot of transgenders in this country that are really in a bad place, and they do not have the money to be happy. | ||
| And if they just switch their gender, and I think that as a community, we should be doing that for them. | ||
| Can we give this person a name, this character? | ||
| This is my ultra-progressive dickwad. | ||
| What's the name? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Call it whatever you want. | ||
| Cami Jilson. | ||
| Shelly. | ||
| It's a man named Shelly. | ||
| I was just going to say Clarence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Clarence. | |
| What am I looking for? | ||
| I'm looking for insurance companies pay for sex change. | ||
| Okay, insurance. | ||
| And look at Buckstar Vagina also. | ||
| If it is, guys, this could be good for everybody. | ||
| I don't know why I said that. | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| Trying to keep up with our retardedness. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Well, I think I'm feeling warm. | ||
| Insurance company to pay for sex change. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| A Queens woman trapped for 34 years in a man's body wins a battle with her insurance company that balked at paying for her sex change operation. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| First of all, this is like really shitty journalism. | ||
| Really shitty. | ||
| New York Daily News. | ||
| You don't say a Queens woman trapped in a man's body wins a battle with your insurance company. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You say, transsexual man who became a woman wins a battle with an insurance company. | ||
| You don't say someone trapped in a man's body. | ||
| Maybe she's not. | ||
| Maybe you hang out with her for a couple of weeks and go, oh, no, this is just someone who's fucking crazy. | ||
| Isn't that possible? | ||
| No. | ||
| You've made this huge judgment and painted this in a very biased way. | ||
| Although she does look like a chick. | ||
| There's got to be some people out there that have had actual sex changes and then tried to go back. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure. | ||
| I'm sure people were bummed out. | ||
| I remember this one. | ||
| This guy got really bummed out because he couldn't come anymore. | ||
| He realized that he was never going to come. | ||
| Well, that was what Nina Story talked about. | ||
| Nina Story is a famous transsexual that was also at this conference, the ever-mentioned conference. | ||
| And she had undergone how many surgeries, Ben? | ||
| She was addicted to plastic surgery. | ||
| She'd gone under like 60 times under the needle. | ||
| But she did something that was really interesting. | ||
| She chose to have her body be a canvas. | ||
| And she documented the whole change. | ||
| So she has videos and there is... | ||
| What's her name again? | ||
| Nina Story. | ||
| Oh my god, what have you done? | ||
| And it's funny because you look at her and she's just like this unbelievable... | ||
| She has a figure... | ||
| She's like Jessica Rabbit. | ||
| She looks like Jessica Rabbit, exactly. | ||
| And it's interesting. | ||
| It's just like it's a fascinating visual. | ||
| And she was really intense and she was talking about... | ||
| Her power and her energy and she had this really crazy voice. | ||
| I think this is the wrong person. | ||
| There's another Nina Story that's a singer. | ||
| Is it not Nina Story? | ||
| No, there's another chick. | ||
| There's just a chick who sings. | ||
| You fucking ruined her life. | ||
| A vocalist. | ||
| Audio clips, lyrics, concert schedule, photos, a style incorporating pop blues, funk, alternative rock, jazz and soul. | ||
| Plus, I used to have a dick. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I think it's a different person. | ||
| I think it's a different person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you find it? | |
| Did you find it? | ||
| Oh, Buck Angel. | ||
| Oh, what is that? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't show him that. | |
| He's showing me Buck Angel's enlarged clitoris. | ||
| Is it enlarged? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, come on. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's quite funky. | ||
| Okay, I'm going to look up Nina Story. | ||
| Why did you have to do that? | ||
| Don't you understand? | ||
| It makes me uncomfortable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| It makes me so confused. | ||
| Don't be. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Don't be. | ||
| But that was what they both talked about. | ||
| And I don't blame them. | ||
| They said that they didn't want to go with the full sexual transformation because the propensity of losing your orgasm was very high. | ||
| And who wants to lose that? | ||
| But how are you going to look like a chick if you still have a dick? | ||
| If you want to really be a woman and pretend you're a woman, you're going to have to give something up. | ||
| You're going to have to give up shooting loads. | ||
| Yeah, it's called a mangina. | ||
| You're going to have to give up shooting loads. | ||
| Never. | ||
| I think if a man wants to be considered a woman, you can't have a dick. | ||
| If you want us to call you Shane. | ||
| You know what's really funny, you guys? | ||
| I was tempted to tell my parents to listen to this one. | ||
| Because they haven't listened to the previous two that we did here. | ||
| And I was like, I bet today's going to be different. | ||
| Because I feel like everything's cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're talking about education. | |
| Are you sure it's not Nina Arsenal? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| Nina Arsenal. | ||
| Nina Arsenal. | ||
| Dude, Nina Story. | ||
| We are sorry, Nina Story. | ||
| Nina Story, sweetie. | ||
| It's Nina Arsenault. | ||
| Sweetie, we're so sorry. | ||
| Please go support Nina Story on iTunes. | ||
| Go buy her shit. | ||
| We apologize. | ||
| Nina Arsenault. | ||
| I'm sure your twinkle's doing great. | ||
| He does look like a crazy Barbie doll type thing. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| The silicone diaries. | ||
| Okay, so I guess that's his thing. | ||
| What's really amazing is the body language. | ||
| She still moved like a dude. | ||
| Oh, stop before I puke! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, she didn't. | |
| She did. | ||
| I thought she was very feminine. | ||
| She sat down like this. | ||
| Well, she said that because she said that when she would open her legs to you, that was her power energy coming at you. | ||
| Wow, power energy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was her opening up her metaphorical hole. | |
| Oh, my goodness, son. | ||
| My goodness. | ||
| Joey Diaz and I were in Vegas once, and a transsexual showed us the package. | ||
| Mrs. Rogan was there as well, and she got a chance to look at it too. | ||
| And Joey said it best. | ||
| He said, it looked like a bat with its mouth open. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It looked like someone had slammed an apple core into someone's cock. | ||
| It's like, you don't need that anymore. | ||
| Let me just scoop that bitch out. | ||
| And then pull some ball skin over the hole and stitch it. | ||
| It looked like an empty hole where a dick used to be. | ||
| Oh, wait. | ||
| It was a... | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| And it's in the wrong spot, too, by the by. | ||
| Have you ever noticed that? | ||
| Was it on the front? | ||
| Well, fake vaginas, they're more towards the front than the real vagina. | ||
| You know, real vaginas sort of tucked a little bit further back. | ||
| Well, do they feel different than the real vaginas like? | ||
| Well, it tastes different. | ||
| They're a lot more salty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're fake ones. | |
| Oh, come on! | ||
| Come on! | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're fucking kidding me. | |
| You're kidding me. | ||
| Wait, you can't show tits on news streams? | ||
| You're a criminal, but you can show that. | ||
| Well, that wasn't real. | ||
| It just looked like it was something sexual. | ||
| But it was just a dude with his hand being silly. | ||
| Maybe you guys can fucking exercise the horrible feelings and thoughts in this room and sweep them out of here with a song. | ||
| Can you do that? | ||
| Because this conversation has gone dark. | ||
| Yeah, can we? | ||
| It's been a dark one. | ||
| This is a dark one. | ||
| Well, somehow or another, we started out... | ||
| We started off so well with dogs. | ||
| It was like dog world, dogs, people weeing on each other, and it was okay. | ||
| I mean, it was a quick... | ||
| Descent from there. | ||
| But we got the school shootings, I think, that led us to a dark place. | ||
| Then we tried to recover with some humor. | ||
| Transsexual talk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm exhausted. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Got a little crazy. | ||
| Well, you guys brought up the Buck Cherry. | ||
| Buck Cherry. | ||
| Also a different... | ||
| Yeah, you guys are friends. | ||
| I'm so glad you just said Buck Cherry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Buck Angel. | |
| I mean, Buck Angel. | ||
| Do you guys know Buck Cherry? | ||
| I've seen him. | ||
| Don't know him personally. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You don't have like a Buck Cherry story? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't like to pee. | |
| I like that cocaine song. | ||
| I've never even done cocaine, but that song is great. | ||
| It gets you gone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| He loves the cocaine. | ||
| He loves the cocaine. | ||
| You know what the new thing is? | ||
| It's liquid cocaine. | ||
| I've seen a lot of people having this liquid cocaine where it's in like a nose spray thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And you just spray it in your nose. | ||
| No way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That is crazy. | ||
| And so it just looks like nasal spray. | ||
| So it looks like you're just cleaning your nose out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're just doing nasal spray. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And so these people just carry them around in their purse and they're like... | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| And I guess it's better also for you. | ||
| It's healthy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like the e-cigarette. | |
| It's really clean and good for you. | ||
| It's like the e-cigarette with a fucking Stephen Dorff commercial. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Guys, let's take back our ability to do coke in public. | |
| Take back our freedom. | ||
| Have you seen that commercial with Stephen Dorff? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It possibly broke the douchebag scale. | ||
| It might have broken the douchebag scale. | ||
| Brian, pull it up please while we're waiting for beautiful Suzanne to urinate. | ||
| This is a video. | ||
| Blue cigarettes. | ||
| Stephen Dorff commercial. | ||
| Blue cigarettes. | ||
| It is easily the douchiest commercial in the history of the world. | ||
| He's in black and white and he's smoking an e-cigarette. | ||
| Take his freedom back, man. | ||
| What's his thing? | ||
| How come we know Stephen Dorff? | ||
| He was in Blade. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Was that his breakout role? | ||
| Not his... | ||
| I mean, he did a lot of movies, but he was in Blade. | ||
| I mean, he was the fucking head vampire in Blade. | ||
| From there on, it's been a downhill slide. | ||
| To the point where... | ||
| No disrespect. | ||
| And he's like, what about you, Fear Factor guy? | ||
| Listen, we're just talking about reality here, son. | ||
| Don't get upset. | ||
| You're building. | ||
| I probably would have done that commercial too, that cigarette commercial, if they paid me enough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why not? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| But once you see it, you're just like, whoa. | ||
| You've got to be really unaware to write this, to ask someone to do it. | ||
| Forget about him. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Wait, Tisa. | ||
| Brian, stop with the music. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm tired of being a walking asterisk. | |
| Negative, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm tired of feeling guilty every time I want to light up. | |
| Negative. | ||
| One. | ||
| I'm tired of being a walking ass trick. | ||
| Negative. | ||
| Two. | ||
| I'm tired of feeling guilty every time I want to light up. | ||
| I'm Steven Dorff. | ||
| I've been a smoker for 20 years. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Pause this. | ||
| Suzanne must see this. | ||
| You've got to see this. | ||
| Hurry up and sit down. | ||
| The Steven Dorff cigarette commercial? | ||
| Have you seen this? | ||
| It's the douchiest commercial. | ||
| Oh, you broke your leg. | ||
| It's the douchiest commercial in the history of the human race. | ||
| I don't think there's been a douchier commercial. | ||
| It's for Stephen Dorff for electric cigarettes. | ||
| Negative one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm tired of being a walking ashtray. | |
| Negative two. | ||
| I'm tired of feeling guilty every time I want to light up. | ||
| I'm Stephen Dorff. | ||
| I've been a smoker for 20 years. | ||
| And I just found the smarter alternative. | ||
| Blue e-cigs. | ||
| Blue lets me enjoy smoking without it affecting the people around me. | ||
| He's in Malibu, by the way. | ||
| Look at this, look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not tobacco smoke. | |
| That means no ash. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And best of all, no offensive odor. | |
| With Blue, you can smoke at a basketball game if you want to. | ||
| And how about not having to go outside every ten minutes when you're in a bar with your friends? | ||
| The point is, you can smoke Blue virtually anywhere. | ||
| Oh, that's so dumb. | ||
| Oh, I don't like this. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're all adults here. | |
| It's really bad. | ||
| It's time we take our freedom back. | ||
| It's time we take our freedom back. | ||
| I like how he looks away. | ||
| He paused away. | ||
| Looked away. | ||
| Stop it with the music, you fuck. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him. | |
| He's looking cool, black and white. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is so unbelievable. | |
| Holds it out. | ||
| It broke the douchebag scale. | ||
| It literally broke the douchebag scale. | ||
| It's black and white for no fucking reason. | ||
| There's no reason for that. | ||
| It's an artistic choice, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to do this commercial, but I want it to be arty as fuck. | |
| Oh, no. | ||
| I want to look like Jack Kerouac. | ||
| I have to be honest with you. | ||
| I smoke electronic cigarettes because... | ||
| There's nothing wrong with smoking them. | ||
| I don't like to tell anyone or do it in public because I'm embarrassed, but I'm satisfied because I'm not smoking regular cigarettes because I love them, but they're bad for me. | ||
| Well, I don't think electronic cigarettes are good for you either. | ||
| That was one of the douchiest things I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| It's ridiculous! | ||
| And I feel like I need to take a time out. | ||
| No, listen. | ||
| I support the idea of electric cigarettes. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| The idea of electric cigarettes, I totally support it. | ||
| But that approach, the cool guy on the beach in Malibu... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not cool! | |
| That's the thing. | ||
| Someone should get up there and be like, hey, I do this. | ||
| But it's pretty... | ||
| But the image that they're trying to portray is like this man who's like rugged with his like his stubble by the ocean with like a seaman's jacket on you know I mean he has this fucking Jack Kerouac look to him like he's gonna go write the great American novel and he's just so cool to be around goes to the local bar and they all know him by name you know me and Buck Angel like to smoke cigarettes on the beach that's what they should do we should Comes out, the Buck Angel's pregnant with Stephen Dorff's love child. | ||
| That's another thing. | ||
| What if Buck Angel got pregnant? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know if he can anymore. | ||
| They would come out, they would be dragons. | ||
| That's where dragons come from. | ||
| When societies figure out how to turn a man into a woman, then a guy fucks it, and then it gets pregnant, a dragon is born. | ||
| I think I saw that in Game of Thrones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where is it? | |
| Game of Thrones coming out in March. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ooh, you just made me excited about March. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| Now the end of the world can't come. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Honestly, I'm going to take back what I said before. | ||
| About what? | ||
| I think we're okay. | ||
| I think we're okay. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| We're okay. | ||
| But the aliens are coming. | ||
| Well, I think the aliens are already here. | ||
| I know. | ||
| If you get in an isolation tank, they'll talk to you. | ||
| Did you... | ||
| There's that show. | ||
| This is... | ||
| I fucking love this. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| I don't even know... | ||
| What's the show called on ABC? The Neighbors or something where it's about aliens and they come to life. | ||
| No. | ||
| They come to Earth. | ||
| That's what the dude from ER. I'm not sure, but all I know is my friend told me about it and forgive me if I misquote myself. | ||
| But the show is about these aliens that come to Earth, and they look like people, and they don't have substantial up-to-date information on how to integrate themselves into the human society. | ||
| They have this sports almanac from 1985, so they all give themselves names like Jackie Joyner-Kersee and Larry Bird and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and it's like a six-year-old white kid, and his name's Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. | ||
| I could be totally wrong. | ||
| I've never seen the show, but my friend was telling me about it, and I thought that was funny. | ||
| That's kind of funny. | ||
| The end. | ||
| Yeah, that's how the aliens come, and six-year-olds that pretend to be black athletes. | ||
| Dude, I would. | ||
| Yeah, that's how you do it. | ||
| Confuse the fuck out of everybody. | ||
| Before you guys get started, I gotta give a shout out to the Float Lab. | ||
| The Float Lab in Venice, California, the premier isolation tank people, builders in the country. | ||
| They're on the West Coast. | ||
| If you're ever in California, if you're in San Francisco, take a flight down. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| You need to see what these guys are doing. | ||
| They're taking isolation tanks to the next level. | ||
| They just installed a new one in my basement this week. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| You gotta come see it. | ||
| We gotta make a new video. | ||
| Remember that last video? | ||
| Let's make a new one. | ||
| Because this new one's insane. | ||
| And I want to take care of them. | ||
| If you're in Venice, or anywhere near it, and you can get there, I think it's only like 40 bucks for an hour and a half or something like that. | ||
| They're very reasonable. | ||
| And without a doubt, they have the best equipment on the planet Earth. | ||
| This new one they put in my basement is 8 feet long and 6 feet wide. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you could have a party in that bitch. | |
| Buck Angel and Buck Cherry together. | ||
| And if Buck Angel got pregnant from Buck Cherry, that might be the apocalypse. | ||
| Dude, what if you had to be in the isolation take with all of them and Stevendorf? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ow! | |
| You're crazy, bitch, but you fuck so good, I'm on top of it! | ||
| Ha ha ha! | ||
| Hey, get off me. | ||
| Get off me, man. | ||
| I'm trying to be cool by the beach, man. | ||
| I don't think what you're doing is cool at all. | ||
| Get it together. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Electronic cigarettes. | |
| Tired of being guilty. | ||
| Tired of being guilty about lighting up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you can light up at a basketball game, because you know me, man. | |
| I like to go to the game. | ||
| Hang out with the guys. | ||
| Have a beer. | ||
| Why does your man vagina smell like Jay Moore? | ||
| What exactly does Jay Moore smell like? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Buck Cherry? | ||
| Buck Angel? | ||
| By the way, I'm a Buck Cherry fan. | ||
| Don't get it twisted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like Buck Cherry. | |
| That crazy bitch song, when I think about my ex-girlfriends, all of them, they could play all my memories of every chick that I dated until I was like 26 and throw them together with a Buck Cherry song, that crazy bitch song. | ||
| Just all of my memories of every crazy one of them splice them all together. | ||
| So, respect to Buck Cherry. | ||
| And respect to Buck Angel. | ||
| Fuck it, man. | ||
| If you really feel like you were a dude, fuck it. | ||
| Get in there, son. | ||
| You've done a great job of looking exactly like a dude. | ||
| If you were in jiu-jitsu class, I wouldn't want to roll with you. | ||
| You look quite big. | ||
| I don't have to deal with that kind of fucking horsepower. | ||
| Would you shrimp out? | ||
| I would hip escape. | ||
| Try to hip escape. | ||
| You know what we did on Saturday night this past weekend? | ||
| Inside shrimp out joke. | ||
| We went to an amateur wrestling night in Nashville, Tennessee. | ||
| Oh, that sounds awesome. | ||
| Those things, that was our second one. | ||
| We went to one in Cleveland this past year, like three months ago, by default. | ||
| And it is an unbelievable thing. | ||
| It's a social experiment, right? | ||
| It really is. | ||
| For some reason, around really big dudes, something happens to me where... | ||
| It's called ovulating. | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| One time I was in Las Vegas with my whole family, by the way, because we all like to drink and gamble. | ||
| We were at the Rio, and it was Christmas time. | ||
| All of a sudden, all these Chippendales came out with Santa Claus. | ||
| I was like, oh my God! | ||
| I got pulled onto stage... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I couldn't do anything except go, just like freaking out. | |
| Because they picked me up and they were just so big and I just kept touching their arms and I was like, oh my god! | ||
| Did your hormones start firing over time? | ||
| Did your eggs start rumbling? | ||
| I'm a real personality kind of girl, so the whole thing, I think just the actual visual is such a shock to my system of like a big dude who's like picking me up and his shirt's off and he's hairless and greasy. | ||
| But were you willing to let it go and like accept the fantasy? | ||
| Oh yeah, it was a total fantasy. | ||
| Total magic mic on this motherfucker? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, and I don't know, in my mind he's probably hung like a field mouse and I was fine. | ||
| Oh, in your mind? | ||
| You figured out a way to rationalize it? | ||
| I was like, yeah, there's nothing, this is all wrong. | ||
| Is this all wrong? | ||
| Because you're a personality girl. | ||
| The big dude thing is such a crazy phenomenon to me. | ||
| So if you could go into a parallel dimension, which could never be accessed again, and those Chippendales guys could just run a train on you, but no one would ever know, you'd be cool with that. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| As long as you could just let it go. | ||
| It's not even real. | ||
| It doesn't even exist. | ||
| And after it's over, you go right back to the moment where you thought up that idea. | ||
| You're the only one with a memory. | ||
| It's all good. | ||
| You know, if we had some deep talks and they held me afterwards, I think I'd be cool with it. | ||
| It's tough to find deep talks from the Chippin' Nails guys. | ||
| Probably a lot of Chippin' Nails guys are listening to this podcast right now and they're going, bro, okay? | ||
| If you were in my shoes, you'd fucking take this job too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, you know what? | |
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| Magic Mike fucking got me going. | ||
| I was into it. | ||
| But any whore, I digress. | ||
| Any whore? | ||
| We were at the amateur wrestling night, and there was one of those dudes, and it was like, he was not, obviously, he wasn't grade A top choice muscle meat for me, but he was really interesting, and there was like... | ||
| Great personality. | ||
| I disagree, but... | ||
| Grade A top choice muscle meat. | ||
| How do you define that? | ||
| He wasn't, I said. | ||
| Are you looking for a Brock Lesnar type character? | ||
| What is your grade A muscle meat? | ||
| I'm not sure who that is, but I like that name. | ||
| Brock Lesnar is a former UFC heavyweight champion. | ||
| See, this is not my realm, so I need some help. | ||
| He kind of looks like the Russian dude in Rocky. | ||
| Yeah, he looks like a Viking. | ||
| I'm into that, you know? | ||
| He's come here on a boat with a fucking sword in his hand. | ||
| To pleasure me? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Yeah, he'll probably cut your head off after he fucks you. | ||
| Yeah, no, I don't know about that. | ||
| But while he's fucking you, it'll be like an experience. | ||
| This is so bad. | ||
| I cannot believe I was going to tell my parents to listen to this podcast. | ||
| I hope to Christ they don't. | ||
| I'm sorry, guys. | ||
| Mr. and Mrs. Honey Honey, we really apologize if you're listening right now. | ||
| We didn't mean to paint her in such an unfavorable light. | ||
| They can hang. | ||
| This is all just play. | ||
| We're play. | ||
| This is entertainment. | ||
| In real life, I would never talk to your daughter like that. | ||
| She's a beautiful human being and I respect her very much. | ||
| But on the podcast, we've got to take our shots. | ||
| For entertainment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| And that's where the whole gangbang, run a train, Chippendales in the parallel dimension thing came from. | ||
| I don't want that to happen. | ||
| I don't think Suzanne wants that to happen either. | ||
| They were there! | ||
| But afterwards, what do they say to you? | ||
| I don't think anybody knew what to do, because I was just like, wow! | ||
| I was high. | ||
| I mean, they picked me up. | ||
| They picked me up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Did that feel good, though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Kind of exciting. | ||
| Because I'm tall and dinky, and that doesn't happen very often. | ||
| Like, I can manhandle you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Women want that shit. | ||
| That's your DNA crying out. | ||
| That's why a dude doesn't want the opposite. | ||
| A guy doesn't want a chick who carries him upstairs. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| If a girl picks you up and carries you upstairs to fuck you, you're like, okay. | ||
| You're already defeated. | ||
| How many times has that happened to you, Joe? | ||
| I don't think it's ever happened to me yet, but... | ||
| Mrs. Rogan? | ||
| Life is young. | ||
| Things can happen. | ||
| People can get crazy. | ||
| Yeah, but a man doesn't want a woman to carry him, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Have you ever had a girl carry you, Ben? | ||
| Not in a sexual sense. | ||
| Maybe just around town. | ||
| I've hopped on a few backs, I think. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You've got to be really confident that someone doesn't fall backwards. | ||
| I have a picture of you of Chris holding you and two more of your friends. | ||
| He's a big guy. | ||
| Two more of your friends? | ||
| He picked up three people? | ||
| Three able-bodied adults. | ||
| Although the lady was on the small side. | ||
| She was very tiny. | ||
| What's the small side? | ||
| 100 pounds? | ||
| She's probably like a 5'2-er. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| To add to a dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a big dude. | |
| He's like your 7-foot bro. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| There's some big humans out there. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| Honey, honey, what are you going to play for us? | ||
| What do you want to do first? | ||
| Excuse me? | ||
| What? | ||
| I literally just said it. | ||
| You want to do Radiohead? | ||
| Okay, here we go. | ||
| Because the other one's sad. | ||
| Yeah, no sadness. | ||
| This is a cover. | ||
| Obviously. | ||
| This is a song by Radiohead that we wrote. | ||
| You ready? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Don't start without me. | ||
| I just borrowed this guitar. | ||
| I don't want to hit this thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| We're just gonna go with it. | ||
| Yeah, let's do it, Benny. | ||
| You ready? | ||
| Yeah, is that okay? | ||
| Here we go, bitches. | ||
| One more time. | ||
| One, two, three, four. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Used to be alright. | |
| What happened? | ||
| I'm The cat gets your tongue. | ||
| your string come undone one by one one by one how come I ain't know where I started How come I end up where I went wrong? | ||
| Won't take my eye off the ball again. | ||
| First you'd be a reality and you could distinct It used to be alright What happened? | ||
| Fats for whatever Fifteen step and a sheer drive How come I end up where I started? | ||
| How come I end up where I went wrong? | ||
| Won't take my eye off the ball again First you peel me out and then you cut the string | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| How come I end up where I went wrong? | ||
| Won't take my eye off the ball again? | ||
| First you rule me out and then you cut the string. | ||
| How come I end up where I started? | ||
| How come I end up where I went wrong? | ||
| Won't take my eye off the ball again? | ||
| First you rule me out and then you cut the string. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| That was fucking difficult. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| That was really cool. | ||
| That's very cool, very different for you guys. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Love it, love it. | ||
| That's a really interesting take on that song, too. | ||
| You know, we haven't played that as a duo, which was scary. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| But we played with my roommate, this very talented musician, Ben Lewis, and he played, we did it a little trio style, and he played mandolin and sings, so it was kind of, it really sounded bluegrass. | ||
| Is it still scary for you guys? | ||
| I mean, when you think, like, you guys perform so much together, I would think you have almost like a sort of an ESP when it comes to doing a song together and you know how to, like, ebb and flow with each other. | ||
| Does it, like, when you, like, a song like that where you haven't done as a duo before and you were just doing it? | ||
| Yeah, because you don't want it to suck. | ||
| What? | ||
| It's not going to suck. | ||
| It's not going to suck. | ||
| No, but I mean, especially if you're going to cover a fucking Radiohead song, you want to do it some justice. | ||
| I think that was like a B minus. | ||
| What did you think? | ||
| Oh, that was great. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Don't judge yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| There you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| You sounded really good. | ||
| Radiohead, they release all their shit online, right? | ||
| Did they do that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They do both now. | ||
| They did at least one of their albums online, yeah. | ||
| I think they were the first big band to say, name your price. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So how do they do that? | ||
| They just say, like, you put up a PayPal account or something like that and say, you can give us a buck or you can give us hefty bucks. | ||
| Didn't they make, like, over a million dollars? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, they made so much money. | ||
| Do you think if we do that, we'll make millions of dollars, too? | ||
| I don't think we're quite there yet. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe we should try. | ||
| Do you guys feel a build-up? | ||
| Do you feel like your crowds are getting larger? | ||
| Your Twitter followers are getting more? | ||
| Are you getting more attention? | ||
| Do you feel it? | ||
| We're kind of cruising right now because we're working on this record. | ||
| So we haven't been going out much. | ||
| We haven't been touring that much. | ||
| And it's not a lot. | ||
| It is a lot because we're not... | ||
| We're not touring. | ||
| You're just creating new stuff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When you do that, do you take time off the road and you just say, okay, we have to set aside X amount of weeks? | ||
| How do you do it? | ||
| We keep trying to set deadlines. | ||
| No, we're setting deadlines. | ||
| We're going to be recording by late February, but we have a lot of work to do. | ||
| We have a lot of writing. | ||
| That we haven't done yet. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Last time we were here, we were doing the Kickstarter stuff. | ||
| And in between, we've been making all the rewards. | ||
| All the people who donated the campaign were sitting around. | ||
| There's a photo to haikus, man. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| It's been really, really fun and... | ||
| It's just the two of us. | ||
| Nobody's helping us with it, which is really the truth. | ||
| 90% of them, we don't know who they are. | ||
| It's such a cool feeling. | ||
| People giving us $500 or even $25, whatever the case, is a really amazing feeling. | ||
| And then to write them their haiku. | ||
| Well, it's really cool. | ||
| I hear what you're saying. | ||
| It was fun, but we're almost done, and we've got a couple shows, things like that here and there, but really we're just writing. | ||
| It's really cool, and these people are always going to have this connection with you now. | ||
| Yeah, it has been a good thing to see all these names. | ||
| We know the names, too. | ||
| We have addresses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We fucking know where you live. | |
| It's really badass when you stop and think about it. | ||
| You might need to sleep on your couch. | ||
| It's so unusual, you know, to really stop and think about it. | ||
| How often does a band get to do that? | ||
| I mean, the Rolling Stones never got a chance to do that when they were coming up, you know? | ||
| Who gets a chance to do that? | ||
| No, but they hung out with the Hells Angels and no big deal. | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| That's a substitute? | ||
| That's what we need to do is we need to get a motorcycle gang behind us and I think that's just like straight to the tippy top. | ||
| That gets like people stabbed. | ||
| You gotta be really careful with that shit. | ||
| I mean, lives aren't so bad. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| I make jokes. | ||
| This is kind of a weird, maybe terrible thing. | ||
| I got through the airport security with a knife. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somebody else just told me the exact same thing the other day. | |
| You did? | ||
| I realized it was in my jacket. | ||
| What are you carrying a knife for? | ||
| What are you doing, man? | ||
| It's a gift. | ||
| You getting crazy? | ||
| Maybe I have to shit on the fucker. | ||
| When you're a jet, you're a jet for life? | ||
| A switchblade's making a comeback? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I carry a knife on me all the time. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, you gangster. | ||
| Some packages are really hard to open, Joe. | ||
| When you walk to your car, you want to open something, you got a little thread on your coat, just... | ||
| Listen, don't think I don't appreciate it. | ||
| If I was a chick, I'd be armed as fuck. | ||
| You know, I didn't really think about it as much until I moved to Nashville, and I'm alone a lot of the time, so it's like, never mind. | ||
| I'm fine. | ||
| I'm totally armed. | ||
| I have a big dog. | ||
| Dude's just pulled their pants off. | ||
| Dude, I'm fucking... | ||
| I'm alone a lot of time. | ||
| When did you start dating big black guys? | ||
| It's time to fantasize. | ||
| From the beginning. | ||
| Oh, Suzanne. | ||
| Please stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry. | |
| That's my giant horny redneck that sees you at the supermarket voice. | ||
| I won't fight to the death if I have to. | ||
| Well, I like how you roll. | ||
| You gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| This is getting hardcore. | ||
| Living in Nashville is better? | ||
| Worse? | ||
| Different? | ||
| I'm gonna say better. | ||
| Better in the sense that from a, you know, I'm here to play music vibe. | ||
| You get so much more for your dollar. | ||
| It's a very affordable town. | ||
| There's incredible musicians on every corner that are welcoming and inspiring and helpful. | ||
| We have all these friends that help us with just getting integrated. | ||
| I really like it. | ||
| It's funny, I was telling Red Van earlier, he's like, how you doing? | ||
| And I was like, you know, I'm great and I love LA. I really do. | ||
| But the minute I got on the 10 and I was stuck in traffic, I was in a foul mood. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I wanted to get here. | ||
| I wanted to go pick up Ben across town. | ||
| It was funny. | ||
| It took so long to get here. | ||
| I left at 12.30. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I don't know. | ||
| There's just something about Nashville that I really... | ||
| Our productivity, like I have more energy. | ||
| I go to the YMCA like four times a week. | ||
| I mean, things are... | ||
| So you have more time? | ||
| More time. | ||
| Much more time. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| The pace is so much slower there. | ||
| Just in general. | ||
| It's a smaller town. | ||
| There's not as many people. | ||
| We know fewer people. | ||
| You can get around easier? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Ben lives like a mile and a half from me, which is nice. | ||
| See, again, you guys are moving to a new place. | ||
| Why don't you move right next door to each other? | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| Why not create a little community? | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| We kind of are right next door to each other. | ||
| I mean, I couldn't tell you the last time I went a day without seeing you. | ||
| Like a whole day. | ||
| How does that feel? | ||
| It feels great. | ||
| I think you're really great. | ||
| I think you're really funny and you're so smart and talented and good-looking. | ||
| You're beautiful. | ||
| What a great body. | ||
| I like how you guys roll. | ||
| This is beautiful. | ||
| Just got ugly. | ||
| Do you have to resist that? | ||
| I don't think we should talk about this. | ||
| You guys have been together for a long time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you have to resist romantic urges? | |
| No conversation. | ||
| Going gay these days. | ||
| No need to have this conversation. | ||
| Ben's revisiting his life in the 90s. | ||
| It's odd though to have a man-woman sort of equal partnership like this in a band that works. | ||
| Nobody winds up getting pregnant. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| God, I'm so not ready for that. | ||
| You know, I mean, you guys are like bandmates, really good friends. | ||
| That's a weird position for a man and a woman to be like really good friends, isn't it, in this day and age? | ||
| Well, yeah, because it's, you know, it's difficult in a lot of different ways because, you know, for the significant others that we date, that's like a, that's a big one, you know, to... | ||
| Because we're so close. | ||
| Creativity together is a very intimate thing. | ||
| It's a rough road. | ||
| Being a musician in general, because you either date someone in your band or you date someone not in your band that you never see. | ||
| Or you're with someone that you see every day. | ||
| There's this fine line. | ||
| Do you ever date a guy and he's like, a fucking Ben guy. | ||
| Never. | ||
| No, that would be ridiculous. | ||
| I don't like how he looks at you when you say it. | ||
| Why would I want to date someone who didn't like my best friend? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't like how he looks at you. | |
| Unless he was a Chippendale, I might make some reparations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah? | |
| No, I wouldn't. | ||
| Just those guys from that night. | ||
| It would be a short-lived relationship, let me tell you. | ||
| Well, listen, that's what you're looking for. | ||
| What are you trying to do? | ||
| Are you trying to fix the world? | ||
| Are you trying to have a good time? | ||
| Okay, what are you going to do? | ||
| Establish utopia? | ||
| Start a new community? | ||
| No, you're going to get your freak out with a bunch of fucking shave dudes. | ||
| What's the problem? | ||
| A little baby oil and a big party. | ||
| The smell of suntan lotion in the air. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Right? | ||
| God, it's so funny. | ||
| Leg shavers, all of them too. | ||
| Tan fellows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How does that affect you? | |
| I'm white as goat cheese. | ||
| It's just like, it's amazing. | ||
| I couldn't get a tan to save my life. | ||
| No? | ||
| I've tried. | ||
| Didn't work out well. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Do you burn? | ||
| I burn, yeah. | ||
| But you have dark hair. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Yeah, what is your nationality? | ||
| I'm Italian on my papa's side and my mom is Native American Indian and European. | ||
| So I'm going to live forever and be an alcoholic. | ||
| Kidding! | ||
| Is that the case? | ||
| Do you find that it runs in your community? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| First of all, whose family, I want to know, doesn't have... | ||
| Alcoholism? | ||
| Yeah, come on. | ||
| Boring people? | ||
| Mormons? | ||
| I mean, it's true. | ||
| Every culture has their physical relationship to it. | ||
| Genetically speaking, and I believe that the... | ||
| I'm a lightweight. | ||
| As much as I love to drink, I'm kind of good after two drinks. | ||
| I'm pretty warm. | ||
| My voice, my volume gets louder. | ||
| You're the best kind of bro. | ||
| I start taking my clothes off. | ||
| I'm kidding. | ||
| You're good for a party. | ||
| That was a lie. | ||
| You're ready to go. | ||
| In the most fucking classy kind of way, bros. | ||
| That's all anybody's looking for. | ||
| The most classy kind of way. | ||
| Period. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Period. | |
| But anyway, I hope that I said that well and it was not offensive. | ||
| Do you find it easy to make friends in Nashville? | ||
| You guys like meeting cool people and enjoy it? | ||
| Warm and open. | ||
| It's an unusual town, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, and I never realized how huge LA was until you go to Nashville. | ||
| And it really is a small town. | ||
| We're there two weeks and you go out and you're seeing people that you know. | ||
| And you can get across town in 15 minutes and everybody just kind of wants to hang. | ||
| It's like a big sitting on the porch beer drinking community. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, I think that when towns get too big, and there's a lot of great things about LA, there's a lot of, I mean, there's so many great restaurants, there's so many places to go. | ||
| All my friends live here. | ||
| I love LA. But I really like smaller towns. | ||
| I really love living in Boulder. | ||
| I really love Portland. | ||
| I really love Nashville. | ||
| Nashville's badass. | ||
| And there's like a better vibe. | ||
| There's like, oh, the frequency in the air is less intense. | ||
| It's not death metal. | ||
| It's like fucking piano music You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like you can relax a little. | ||
| The frequency of the actual city itself. | ||
| You go to New York. | ||
| New York is red line. | ||
| Everywhere you go, it's... | ||
| There's too many people. | ||
| There's no way to avoid that. | ||
| It's a crazy fucking town. | ||
| It could take you an hour to drive across that stupid island. | ||
| A whole hour. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| Which should take you a minute. | ||
| It should take you one minute. | ||
| I tell you. | ||
| So that kind of stress is going to definitely affect people socially. | ||
| And you don't get that in a place like Nashville. | ||
| And that in itself is better. | ||
| That's what it feels like. | ||
| The pace of everything is slower. | ||
| So you can get more... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If you take advantage of it, you can get more accomplished. | ||
| Because there's not this constant scurrying that you feel like you have to do. | ||
| Or at least I felt like I had to do in LA. Yeah. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Get to here, get to here, get to here, get to here, and then nothing would actually come of any of these things. | ||
| No, I feel that. | ||
| I feel that constant scurrying. | ||
| I've had friends like Eddie Bravo. | ||
| He used to live in West Hollywood, and he liked living in West Hollywood because he felt like when he lived there, the pace was like a faster pace because everybody was doing things. | ||
| It made him feel like he had to get up and get things done. | ||
| That is the last shit I need. | ||
| You know, I do not want that. | ||
| Well, it's kind of like you have to get up and get things done and then you can't get there on time because you have to wait. | ||
| That's a difficult thing to digest. | ||
| Do you guys do any ween covers? | ||
| No, but we talked about Piss Up a Rope last time we were here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We played it. | |
| Where'd the cheese go? | ||
| Oh, is that it? | ||
| Where'd the cheese go? | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| I love cheese. | ||
| You love cheese? | ||
| You know what's the sad thing about cheese? | ||
| Oh no, Joe, don't. | ||
| I'll tell you what's the sad thing. | ||
| In this fucking country, people are not allowed to use unpasteurized milk to make cheese. | ||
| You have to pasteurize the milk and homogenize it and boil it down and kill all the stuff that makes the cheese taste good. | ||
| You ever have cheese in Europe? | ||
| No. | ||
| You've got to have cheese in France. | ||
| You have some non-homogenized cheese in France from an old, like, cheesemaker. | ||
| Some motherfucker really knows what they're doing. | ||
| You can get it in America. | ||
| I mean, don't get me wrong. | ||
| There's places in... | ||
| We used to get some... | ||
| Ruining my cheese dreams. | ||
| ...really delicious cheese. | ||
| There's a place in Beverly Hills. | ||
| It's like a straight cheese place, and I know they probably... | ||
| It's probably like a Cuban cigars sort of a thing. | ||
| Like, you can get Cuban cigars, but you gotta know people. | ||
| They gotta know you first. | ||
| Then they slip you the non-homogenized, non-pasteurized cheese. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The secret cheese? | |
| You have secret cheese access in Los Angeles? | ||
| Do you ever have raw milk? | ||
| Do you ever drink raw milk? | ||
| I have, yeah. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| And it's so good. | ||
| It's just okay? | ||
| Raw milk with cookies, you cannot go wrong. | ||
| Warm, a little curd. | ||
| With some badass fucking... | ||
| Straight from the teat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sitting on the lap of an elderly man. | ||
| A couple pubic hairs. | ||
| If you get some badass cookies, okay, some really good, like Nestle's Tall House type bitches, like, what is that place at the airport? | ||
| Did you just say Nestle's Tall House cookies? | ||
| Type bitches? | ||
| Type bitches? | ||
| What is the fucking... | ||
| No, not Cinnabon. | ||
| Those cookies. | ||
| There's a fucking famous cookie chain. | ||
| They're amazing cookies. | ||
| God damn, I can't remember. | ||
| Okay, hold on. | ||
| Famous Amos. | ||
| No. | ||
| Famous Amos are pretty good, but there's cookies that you get. | ||
| They're always at the mall. | ||
| Are they gourmet cookies? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Oh, Mrs. Fields. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| There you go, Mrs. Fields. | ||
| Ask me another one. | ||
| Take a few of those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know a lot about malls. | |
| Just get some peanut butter, chocolate chips. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| I'm going to find a Mrs. Fields in this area, in Pasadena. | ||
| We're going to go there after this fucking show. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I need some cookies. | ||
| You can't go. | ||
| You've got to go to Hollywood. | ||
| Look what's happening. | ||
| Oh, my... | ||
| My comedy special comes out tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Tomorrow it comes out on JoeRogan.net. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net, it's available. | ||
| We're having a problem with the Amazon thing. | ||
| It was supposed to be ready today, but it's not. | ||
| So hopefully it'll be ready by tomorrow, but if not, the PayPal thing will definitely still be ready. | ||
| I'd like it to be ready. | ||
| With Amazon, so you can do that one-click, which is awesome, by the way. | ||
| I'm a huge Amazon one-click proponent. | ||
| So it'll be on JoeRogan.net. | ||
| It'll be there. | ||
| That's what it's going to look like. | ||
| You've got to enter in all your nonsense. | ||
| The special is something that I paid for it entirely myself, Louis C.K. style. | ||
| I did essentially exactly what he did. | ||
| I'm releasing it for five bucks. | ||
| I think what he did by setting that price is really smart. | ||
| I think it's really cool. | ||
| And Louie's one of the best comics in the country. | ||
| Why would you ask for more? | ||
| Don't be playing that. | ||
| This is an outtake. | ||
| Stop that shit. | ||
| I know what it is, bitch. | ||
| It's my show. | ||
| But it's available tomorrow, and then there's like a whole thing explaining that I paid for it, and please don't steal it. | ||
| You know, of course certain people are going to steal it, you're going to, but I think it's a reasonable price. | ||
| I think this sort of model, like what we were talking about with Radiohead, what they did, allowing people to pick their own, I think... | ||
| Stop playing my shit, dude. | ||
| I wasn't playing the shit. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| It's kind of cool to look at, the quality of it. | ||
| Look at the quality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| Dare you. | ||
| No, it's great. | ||
| Positive Image Video did it. | ||
| They're the same people that produced the UFC shows. | ||
| My friend Anthony Giordano, he's the director of it. | ||
| And he's the one who did my last one, Talking Monkeys in Space 2. I'm really excited to do it this way for a couple reasons. | ||
| One, I think it's the best way to distribute things, to distribute them online, and to do it directly to your fans instead of having to go through Comedy Central or any of these other... | ||
| For a comic, to have an outlet to release your stuff, there's only a few options. | ||
| You could do an HBO thing or a Showtime thing. | ||
| Unfortunately, you have to actually sit down with people when you do that, and they have to decide what they like about your material, what they don't like, and That shit is whack. | ||
| The worst thing about being a comedian is when you go to release your stuff and there's other people that have a say or want to have a say in the actual content. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They're the dumbest conversations. | ||
| I've had people get upset at the dumbest shit. | ||
| It's mind-boggling. | ||
| It's unnecessary. | ||
| I think one of the things that is really important about art... | ||
| Whether it's a stand-up comic or someone who writes something or whatever it is, I love an individual's unique point of view. | ||
| I love seeing the way a person puts it together. | ||
| You know, whether it's perfect or not, if it comes from you, I like that. | ||
| I like knowing that you wrote all your jokes. | ||
| I like knowing that you thought all these thoughts, that you printed all those words. | ||
| I want to be connected with your thoughts, your creativity, your consciousness. | ||
| And the only way to do that is for a person to release their own shit. | ||
| Period. | ||
| Whether it's a band to release their own shit or a comedian to release their own shit. | ||
| As soon as you have some executive type characters interfering with your creative process, you're fucked. | ||
| You just are. | ||
| That's not what they're supposed to be doing. | ||
| But when they can, they will. | ||
| They get their dirty little greasy fingers all over your shit. | ||
| And they fuck it up, inevitably. | ||
| And I guess that's not necessary anymore. | ||
| Because of this podcast, we've essentially cut out doing most radio shows. | ||
| I mean, I occasionally do radio, but it's not like every week like I used to have to do it. | ||
| I don't have to do as many different interviews. | ||
| You can talk directly to the people that enjoy what you do. | ||
| And these are crazy times, you know? | ||
| This podcast alone has changed my life, changed Brian's life, changed Ari's life, Duncan's life, Joey's life, changed all of our lives. | ||
| We're in a weird place right now. | ||
| And I think the only smart thing to do is just keep going in the same direction. | ||
| That's why I got this new studio set up and that's why... | ||
| We're releasing things online like this and that's why we're all touring and we're all continuing to write material. | ||
| And your special, by the way, is out right now. | ||
| You could actually buy it this second, right? | ||
| This right second, yeah. | ||
| I'm not supposed to say that because they're trying to get everything in order. | ||
| Especially get the Amazon shit corrected. | ||
| But if you want to get crazy, go ahead, buy it, download it. | ||
| It's supposed to be up. | ||
| Don't say sorry, you didn't know. | ||
| How did you know? | ||
| Yeah, but tomorrow it's official. | ||
| So wait for tomorrow if you like fucking opening up your presents in the morning. | ||
| If you're one of those dudes who still believes in Santa, wait until tomorrow. | ||
| If not, yeah, you can go fucking get it right now. | ||
| Five bucks. | ||
| Please don't steal it. | ||
| I paid for this shit. | ||
| It costs more than $100,000 to film. | ||
| It's very expensive. | ||
| Well, you did professional style. | ||
| Yeah, no, I didn't fuck around. | ||
| And we did it at the Tabernacle in Atlanta, which is a beautiful, historic theater. | ||
| It's an amazing, amazing theater. | ||
| And it was important. | ||
| I hadn't been to Atlanta in a couple years, so it was important to do it somewhere where I hadn't been for a while. | ||
| I hate getting emails from people like, when the fuck are you coming back to Vancouver? | ||
| Trust me, I want to come back to Vancouver. | ||
| I just haven't had a chance. | ||
| So that was an Atlanta sort of situation, so it was really cool to be able to do it in Atlanta. | ||
| And Atlanta does not get enough credit. | ||
| That is a badass fucking town. | ||
| I love Atlanta. | ||
| And it's one of the most diverse, racially diverse towns. | ||
| Atlanta's one of those places where you see a lot of black dudes wearing suits. | ||
| Gator shoes. | ||
| Yeah, expensive clothes. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| There's a lot of black professionals in Atlanta. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| The level of interaction between white people and black people, it's way higher in Atlanta. | ||
| And that's a fucking real problem with LA. LA is, first of all, kind of segregated, and second of all, it's such a car culture that people don't really... | ||
| It's not like on the subways in New York, people will mingle. | ||
| Black people mix with white people. | ||
| Everybody gets together. | ||
| All sorts of different economic groups are all together. | ||
| In LA, that's not the case. | ||
| In LA, there's a lot of haves and have-nots. | ||
| There's a lot of separation. | ||
| Everyone's driving. | ||
| No one's on a train with a bunch of young kids. | ||
| It's a different sort of a vibe. | ||
| I think we miss out. | ||
| Because of that. | ||
| The idea that you get a little less crime that way, and it's a little safer that way, but you miss out on a little bit of the whole experience of being a human. | ||
| In Atlanta, there's a lot of mixing going on. | ||
| It was cool. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| I saw a lot of black guys with white chicks. | ||
| I saw a lot of that. | ||
| I saw a bunch of white dudes with black chicks, too. | ||
| It was an interesting place. | ||
| I dig Atlanta, but it was a really cool place to do my special. | ||
| Tabernacle's great. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty dope. | ||
| And that's the name of the special. | ||
| It's Live from the Tabernacle. | ||
| Because I'm not that creative, and I couldn't come up with a better name. | ||
| That's all I had in my wheelhouse. | ||
| I searched, I found nothing, and I decided to just release it. | ||
| So from Talking Monkeys in Space to Live from a Place. | ||
| The last one. | ||
| I ran out of my good names. | ||
| Once you release the special, do you stop doing that material live? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, maybe on a rare occasion if someone yells something out, I would do it just for fun, you know, but it's over. | ||
| Yeah, I've got to let that shit go. | ||
| Move on to the next material. | ||
| That's why, first of all, that's why people are like, why did it take so long to release this? | ||
| Because we filmed it on 420 in April. | ||
| So part of it took that time because I had a new website that just went live last week, and it takes a long time to get like a professional website design company to build like exactly what you want and, you know, to... | ||
| The website traffic has been so crazy that it's gotten to a point where I needed something that was a little bit more robust and a little bit more functional. | ||
| Incorporating the podcast into it, we're working on a totally new podcast website now and that's the next step. | ||
| But this whole podcast thing, it's gotten so out of control, it's almost like, I don't know if you feel about it the same way I do, but I always feel like we're on a fucking little boat on top of some crazy wave, and we're like, whoa! | ||
| What do we need to do? | ||
| We need four fucking rafts! | ||
| Okay, let's get rafts! | ||
| When we buy shit for the studio, it's always like, what do we need? | ||
| Oh, we need more of this shit, we need more of that shit. | ||
| It just seems to be kind of growing on its own and we're just kind of keeping up with it. | ||
| This is a part of it. | ||
| So these shows that we do, whenever I ask people how many of you guys listen to the podcast, about a year in it was about 50%. | ||
| And now it's like 100%. | ||
| Now it's crazy. | ||
| We're having the fucking time of our lives. | ||
| I just want to tell you guys, as much as you people are enjoying it, we get these emails, we get these tweets and text messages. | ||
| I get these emails every day that tell people, or people telling us rather, that the podcast has changed their life and changed the way they think about things and the conversations we've had with... | ||
| People like Dennis McKenna yesterday. | ||
| I talked to a guy today who told me he listened to it five times already. | ||
| Came out yesterday. | ||
| It was such a crazy fucking conversation. | ||
| We are, just as you are, we're growing with these conversations as well. | ||
| There's no other way Brian and I would have had the opportunity to sit down with all these people. | ||
| And have these conversations with them. | ||
| They wouldn't just be willing to come meet us somewhere and sit down for three hours a day. | ||
| It would be crazy. | ||
| If I was just a dude who lived in a castle somewhere. | ||
| But I need to converse with this man. | ||
| Bring him to me. | ||
| The only way you can really have a... | ||
| It has to be worthwhile for them too so they can get their message out. | ||
| So this whole thing has been a real symbiotic exchange. | ||
| So when you guys... | ||
| I can't say it enough. | ||
| People keep telling me... | ||
| This podcast changed my life. | ||
| I've heard it before and I appreciate the fuck out of it every time. | ||
| And there's no other way to say it. | ||
| We're blown away by this whole thing. | ||
| We appreciate it. | ||
| Is this love music in the background? | ||
| I've had the time of my life. | ||
| Is that Dirty Dancing? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, it's beautiful. | ||
| Remember there was two albums? | ||
| Don't put baby in a corner, okay? | ||
| Alright, so JoeRogan.net, go get it. | ||
| It's available on PayPal and I think Amazon. | ||
| Hopefully Amazon's ready by today. | ||
| If it's not, it should be around tomorrow. | ||
| But that's it. | ||
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
| Or not. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Honey, honey. | ||
| Honey, honey, would you like to play another song? | ||
| Honey, honey would be joining us this Friday at the End of the World show. | ||
| The first time we've ever done a show with a band, ever. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No pressure. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| No, please, it'd be awesome. | ||
| You guys, I believe, are the first people that played live in here, right? | ||
| Weren't they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everlast was second. | ||
| You guys were first. | ||
| We came before Everlast. | ||
| Poppin' cherries left and right. | ||
| We love poppin' cherries. | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| I think you just contributed to rape culture again. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That could be consensual. | ||
| Buck cherry and she's my cherry pie. | ||
| Hey, thanks for having us on here again. | ||
| Please, we love you guys and the people that contact us online love you guys. | ||
| We've talked to so many people that say thank you for turning us on to Honey Honey. | ||
| We've met a lot of them and they're awesome. | ||
| Isn't that cool? | ||
| It's so great. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| I don't know what happened, man, but we have the coolest fucking people in the world that are connected to us. | ||
| I really don't get it. | ||
| I don't know how it took place. | ||
| It's an amazing lack of douchebags. | ||
| It's staggering. | ||
| The actual douche numbers to cool people numbers, it's crazy. | ||
| It doesn't exist anywhere else on the earth. | ||
| We're creating utopia. | ||
| It's pretty cool. | ||
| We appreciate it. | ||
| Listen, we appreciate you guys. | ||
| You guys are awesome. | ||
| You're incredibly talented. | ||
| And like I said before, we do whatever the fuck we can to promote you guys. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Well, speaking of, I want to say that we have a show in Cleveland, my hometown, on 1226. That's the day after Christmas at the House of Blues in downtown. | ||
| And I feel like it's like only half full right now. | ||
| Powerful Cleveland. | ||
| Get out there, bitches. | ||
| So if anybody's in the area, we're headlining, so we're going to play for a nice chunk of time. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| When you guys do a headline, you say, how long do you play for? | ||
| I think we're going to do 70 minutes. | ||
| Yeah, 70, 75. That's a good number. | ||
| I like to do that on stand-up, too. | ||
| When I do more than that, I feel like I'm testing people's attention. | ||
| They're like, enough, dude. | ||
| How much more do you want attention? | ||
| Well, we talk a lot, too. | ||
| There's a lot of... | ||
| Do you guys have Paul Stanley-type banter? | ||
| I don't know who Paul Stanley is. | ||
| Paul Stanley from Kiss. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| I was like, is that a comedian? | ||
| I thought it was that guy that was like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How many of you out there like to taste the alcohol? | |
| Oh no, but we should. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You never seen that? | |
| Brian, pull some of that up. | ||
| Paul Stanley introducing for Kiss before we play this song. | ||
| I thought you were talking about Paul Shafer. | ||
| No, Paul Stanley from Kiss. | ||
| Paul Stanley talks to the audience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We're honey, honey, and we think you're great. | ||
| No, you have to do it. | ||
| You have to be totally fucking cheesy. | ||
| Yeah, Paul Stanley talks to the audience. | ||
| This is a short video of Paul Stanley talking and playing with the audience at a Kiss Alive 35 concert. | ||
| That's... | ||
| We should do this, man. | ||
| But that's Peter Criss. | ||
| What Paul Stanley does, they've made CDs out of it. | ||
| The dude, whoever you are, that's made those CDs. | ||
| I forget your name. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| This guy sent me a stack of them. | ||
| They're hilarious. | ||
| It's all Paul Stanley from In Between Songs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How many of you out there like to party? | |
| Like that kind of shit? | ||
| It's like super duper cheesy shit. | ||
| He's getting mad with a laser. | ||
| Oh, some guy's got a laser. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bring that guy up here with a laser. | |
| Come here, schmuck. | ||
| Schmuck? | ||
| Come here, schmuck. | ||
| People know you're an old Jew when you're calling a guy schmuck and you don't have a shirt on. | ||
| Try to find that one when Paul Stanley talks to the audience. | ||
| Yeah, that's just so they could get rid of some douchebag. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, how about that one? | ||
| What was that one? | ||
| Oh, that's another one. | ||
| Anyway, my point is, I have no point. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| My point is, he's a hell of a showman, that Paul Stanley. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Got it. | |
| Smart guys, those kisses. | ||
| They made a lot of money, those kisses! | ||
| Are you guys fans? | ||
| What kind of music did you listen to growing up? | ||
| I have a really, really old dad, so I was listening to classical music from the 20s and 30s. | ||
| Ben, how old's your dad? | ||
| He's super old. | ||
| He's 91 now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Wait a minute, how old are you? | ||
| I'm 27. Holy shit! | ||
| And this was before Cialis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit! | |
| Five-hour boners. | ||
| I'm praying for that. | ||
| How old was your mom? | ||
| She's 28 years younger than him. | ||
| God bless your dad. | ||
| Ben's dad served in World War II in the Pacific and stormed the airfields of Peleliu. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| He's hardcore. | ||
| Yeah, he's hardcore. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Mark Jaffe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, your dad is a hero. | |
| That's why you got a boner. | ||
| It's a 28 years younger chick. | ||
| It's a hero boner. | ||
| You don't look Asian at all either. | ||
| You don't look Asian at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| He's Russian. | ||
| He's a mail-order bride child. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easy. | |
| Easy. | ||
| We're talking about mom and dad here, you fucks. | ||
| So you listen to classic shit? | ||
| Yeah, well, I listen to, like, he would start, you know, there's an opera called The Magic Flute? | ||
| Yeah, it's Mozart. | ||
| Mozart with this opera called The Magic Flute, and he played every single weekend. | ||
| So he'd just be blasting, he'd blast it like he was playing ACDC. Really? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Every weekend, yeah. | ||
| So I remember that. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Did he get you into playing music? | ||
| No, not really. | ||
| Neither of them did. | ||
| They didn't really play that much. | ||
| But I don't know where it started, but I just decided I want to play violin first. | ||
| And I played violin when I was like six, and I dropped it, and then I started playing drums, and from there on I just... | ||
| Kind of freaked out about it and got upset. | ||
| So from age six, you started with the violin, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| I can't play it at all anymore, though. | ||
| No? | ||
| It was a shame. | ||
| I feel like, actually, it would come back. | ||
| If I really put in the time... | ||
| You should give it a whirl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I believe in you. | ||
| She sounded a bit sarcastic. | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| I'm serious. | ||
| I believe in you. | ||
| I think you can do it. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Come on, champ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, Rocky. | |
| There is no tomorrow. | ||
| What about you, Suzanne? | ||
| How'd you start? | ||
| Well, I listen to a lot of, like, juxtaposed with, my folks run an Italian restaurant, so I grew up with a lot of, like, jazz, like Rosemary Clooney and Frank Sinatra and Louis Prima and stuff like that. | ||
| And I like that a lot. | ||
| And then, like, regular, like, 90s rock pop. | ||
| Scorpions. | ||
| My mom listened to Rock Set. | ||
| There was a lot of Rock Set in the car. | ||
| What's Rock Set? | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| What's their song? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| It'll come to me. | ||
| Fucking A. Red Band. | ||
| Where are we at here? | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Rock set? | ||
| It'll come. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| But there's rock set. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, how does it go? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You got the loop, you got the loop. | |
| There's everything in fucking the sun. | ||
| That's a good song, actually. | ||
| There was that song, yes. | ||
| So there's that. | ||
| My mom was the more sort of contemporary culture. | ||
| My dad and I used to listen to a lot of Journey Together and harmonize. | ||
| You guys used to harmonize together? | ||
| We used to harmonize. | ||
| I remember actually... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't stop believing. | |
| It was crazy. | ||
| And I'd be like, you take the high! | ||
| And he'd be like, no! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No way. | |
| You and your dad would sing Journey together? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And my dad played some acoustic guitar. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He really liked Jethro Tull a lot. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had a band in the 70s. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| A mustache and a perm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Whoa, your dad had a perm. | ||
| He was pretty hip, that guy. | ||
| Did he have bell bottoms? | ||
| I hope not, but yes. | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| No, I'm sure he did. | ||
| There's all these pictures of my dad and my grandfather and my uncles, and they look like Italian mobsters. | ||
| Everybody has, like, everything's together. | ||
| There's tailored suits and big glasses. | ||
| That's just the 70s. | ||
| Elton John glasses? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| It was totally gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, what a weird time. | ||
| The 70s were so confused. | ||
| It's like they got disconnected from the mother nipple of drugs. | ||
| It's like in the 60s, they all had acid and marijuana and mushrooms. | ||
| And in the 70s, it's like, what are we going to do? | ||
| Stay sober, man. | ||
| A lot of pot and a lot of quaaludes. | ||
| Quaaludes, pills. | ||
| Pills confuse motherfuckers. | ||
| Start wearing pointy shoes and bell bottoms. | ||
| Big belt buckles. | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Isn't that funny how... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel like back then, dudes, for the most part, had such... | |
| There was such a, like, wardrobe-wise speaking, there was so much more of an effort put into what guys would wear on a regular basis. | ||
| Yeah, because they didn't have Match.com. | ||
| They couldn't just, like, find people online. | ||
| You had to pretend to be something you weren't. | ||
| You had to go somewhere and wear the outfit and do whatever you could to get someone to touch you. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| What do I have to like? | ||
| Do I have to dance? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Men are essentially... | ||
| They're junkies, and they're born into this world, junkies. | ||
| And then they go out as young men with these full raging hormones, and it's this massive quest to figure out how to get someone to touch you. | ||
| And what do I have to do? | ||
| What do I have to pretend? | ||
| Do I have to talk a certain way? | ||
| Just brass tacks. | ||
| Cut my hair a certain way. | ||
| Let me just get that figured out first. | ||
| And every man is struggling with that. | ||
| From the time we're young... | ||
| When we're 16, 17, 18, the conversations we have is all about how we figure it out, how to fucking get them to like us. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what breeding is all about. | ||
| If it wasn't for that sense of urgency, there'd be three people on the planet. | ||
| The only reason why we do it is because we are junkies. | ||
| We're just so crazy. | ||
| Just get rid of the loads. | ||
| Just get them in there quick. | ||
| Somebody touch me! | ||
| And so, there you go with bell-bottoms. | ||
| Fucking confusing wardrobe things. | ||
| It takes like 10 years for people to go, what the fuck are we doing? | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck are we doing? | ||
| These things look stupid as fuck. | ||
| You're right, man. | ||
| Fuck bell-bottoms. | ||
| Pants are still here, okay? | ||
| Pants work. | ||
| Everybody's cool with jeans. | ||
| Jeans have been around since fucking, you know, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid have the same jeans that you wear. | ||
| They wear jeans? | ||
| They wear jeans. | ||
| Denim. | ||
| They wore canvas, which is interesting. | ||
| Most clothes and pants during the minor days, the cowboy days, were actually made with cannabis. | ||
| They were made out of hemp. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, most clothes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you love that. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, before slavery was illegal, That's what most shit was made with. | ||
| They made more clothes with hemp and more flags and sails. | ||
| All that stuff was made with hemp because it's much, much stronger than cotton. | ||
| And then when Eli Whitney came along and made the cotton gin, then it became really easy to make shit with cotton. | ||
| And then the decorticator was invented in the 1930s and the 1930s was right after prohibition for alcohol had ended and they were trying to figure out what to do with all these fucking drug enforcement agents that were you know assigned to go after alcohol and one of the things they did It was a concerted effort between this guy William Randolph Hearst that owned all the newspapers. | ||
| We also owned all these paper mills. | ||
| And the cover of Popular Science magazine had this article, Hemp, the New Billion Dollar Crop. | ||
| And so everybody was switching over to hemp because they had created this decorticator, which allows you to effectively process the hemp fiber, the stalk of the plant, which is incredibly useful for making paper and clothes. | ||
| It allowed you to process it without slavery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Allows you to process it economically effectively. | ||
| And so William Randolph Hearst started printing all these articles about marijuana and about how marijuana was causing blacks and Mexicans to rape white women. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So that's how they shut down the hemp business. | ||
| It was all about hemp as a commodity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was he protecting cotton interests, his own cotton interests? | |
| He was protecting paper because he owned paper mills. | ||
| Also, DuPont had an interest in it because DuPont came up with a chemical composition for nylon to make ropes. | ||
| Previously, all ropes had been made out of hemp. | ||
| How do you know this? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| It's readily available. | ||
| You can get it online. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just read it. | |
| It's amazing. | ||
| That is very impressive. | ||
| It's just memory. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Look, you ask me shit about important things, like where your taxes go. | ||
| I don't really know that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| We don't want to know. | ||
| You should know. | ||
| Our overlords are lying to us. | ||
| But that's the only reason why it's still legal today. | ||
| Why it's still legal today is now it's gone from a textile and an issue with nylon. | ||
| Now it's gone to pharmaceutical drugs. | ||
| And the influence of pharmaceutical drugs is the only reason why it's... | ||
| And then there's also people that would profit from it being illegal, like prison guard unions actively spend money to try to keep marijuana illegal. | ||
| Private prisons, they will actively try to spend money to keep marijuana illegal because they want to keep their prisons stocked because that's how they make money. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Prison guard unions spend money to make sure that drugs stay illegal. | ||
| That's cute. | ||
| Isn't that cute? | ||
| Because they make money. | ||
| I mean, it literally is like slavery. | ||
| I mean, if it wasn't illegal, those people wouldn't be in jail. | ||
| They'd be free. | ||
| So you make something that they do, and you spend money to keep it illegal, something they enjoy that doesn't hurt anybody else. | ||
| You spend money to keep it illegal so you can enslave them and make money from the fact that they're locked in a cage that you own. | ||
| Mass incarceration. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew! | |
| That's amazing. | ||
| We're going to look back on this day in the future when they have full access to everything, including thoughts and all misinformation will be accounted for and corrected. | ||
| We will look back with great shame at how stupid we ran this world. | ||
| We will look back with great shame at the people that we called our leaders and what a group of fucking monkeys they are. | ||
| When you see them arguing about the fiscal cliff and all this other nonsense, you realize these are incredibly flawed human beings from a different time and an era. | ||
| And they're all trying to appease these fucking monsters that put them into position. | ||
| These corporations, they spend millions of dollars in a sociopathic way to try to profit from these fucks representing them. | ||
| We're going to look back on this, and we're going to be really, really shocked that we were this weak. | ||
| We're going to be really shocked that it was this pathetic with our incredible access to information, that we were still this wonky with our system of government and our system of money and welfare and protecting each other and our sense of community and our willingness to go into wars. | ||
| We're going to look back on it. | ||
| It's going to be shocking. | ||
| Just as shocking as the Inquisition. | ||
| Well, I don't think that they don't know what they're doing. | ||
| I think that it is a joke to see how the world is run, or our country, or whatever. | ||
| Sometimes, not all the time, but I don't think that it goes under their radar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's just like Politics and selfishness it's that but it's also completely out of control. | |
| It's so big like the system is so interconnected There's hundreds of different Organizations there's more than a hundred different countries. | ||
| There's all this fucking politics There's a certain amount of natural resources that they need every fucking day. | ||
| Every fucking day. | ||
| There's so much is going on. | ||
| There's so much is going on. | ||
| There's so many different connected issues. | ||
| And so many fucking human beings. | ||
| It's so hard. | ||
| It's like people were born into this system. | ||
| It's completely chaotic. | ||
| It's completely out of control. | ||
| Completely corrupt. | ||
| And it's like everybody agrees. | ||
| Everybody looks at it and says it's a mess. | ||
| But no one knows what to do. | ||
| And they try to work within the system to fix it. | ||
| But that doesn't seem to be working. | ||
| So it's like our options are wait for it to completely fall apart. | ||
| Come up with something totally new. | ||
| Or slowly sort of chip away at this horrible problem. | ||
| That our ancestors have created and left us with. | ||
| Because that's the real issue. | ||
| It's like you and I and we didn't create this world. | ||
| We didn't decide to invade Afghanistan. | ||
| We say we are going to war with Iraq. | ||
| We have nothing to do with that. | ||
| The fact that some... | ||
| Human beings that somehow or another represent us because we're all in this one patch of dirt together is crazy. | ||
| And it's always been crazy. | ||
| It was crazy when the Romans did it. | ||
| It's crazy when the Greeks did it. | ||
| But it's even more crazy when we do it. | ||
| It's more crazy when we do it because we have the access to the information that allows us to see the wiring under the board. | ||
| And see what's really motivating this whole thing and see where this is all going from. | ||
| And it's embarrassing. | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| It's embarrassing that we're so dumb. | ||
| That these are our leaders. | ||
| That guys like Newt Gingrich really think they could be president. | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| That a guy like Mitt Romney can have this incredibly horrific record in business and still put himself up as a businessman for the people and almost get elected. | ||
| But it's just as crazy that a guy like Obama can win the Nobel Peace Prize and then send 30,000 more people with guns to Afghanistan. | ||
| We're fucking crazy. | ||
| We're crazy as shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Circumstances. | ||
| Circumstances. | ||
| It's such a... | ||
| It's just like an endless... | ||
| It's like that knot. | ||
| What's that thing? | ||
| The Gordian knot or whatever? | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| You know when... | ||
| Okay, there's that story about Alexander the Great and he has this knot... | ||
| That no one can untie. | ||
| It's just this endlessly complex knot. | ||
| And you can't cut it. | ||
| Actually, that's what he did. | ||
| He just sliced it in half and destroyed this Gordian knot. | ||
| I've never heard of that. | ||
| Gordian knot? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you have these people. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Wow, that's the first time I've ever heard that. | ||
| You're dealing with this infinitely complex situation and you still have humans that are trying to solve it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, I don't know. | ||
| I think sometimes there's... | ||
| Sometimes there's a lot of energy put towards, you know, defaming the people in power and saying, and I'm not a supporter of a lot of the people that you're talking about or the systems that govern, but I think it was interesting, like this last week, sorry to get back on this, but... | ||
| The shooting thing. | ||
| And there's this knee-jerk reaction that comes from a place of anger with a lot of people. | ||
| And I think that ends up just being wasted energy. | ||
| When people just start spouting off about how things aren't the way they should be and reacting angrily, it takes away energy from changing individual lifestyles, which is the only thing we can really do, right? | ||
| Like, that's the only thing that you can change is how you're living your life and your usage of these resources that are basically the reason why we're in all these difficult situations. | ||
| Because the way we live our lives takes up X amount of resource from, you know, Afghan Joe. | ||
| So we have to go in there and take his stuff and create, you know, complicated situations we can't get out of. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, I don't know. | ||
| I'm just rambling. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I agree with you in a lot of ways. | ||
| And I think that I would hate to have to be... | ||
| I think if you were elected president right now, you'd be fucked. | ||
| I think anybody would be. | ||
| People even with good intentions. | ||
| I think there's so many things you have to deal with. | ||
| There's so many pressures. | ||
| There's so much going on. | ||
| And, you know, as much as you want to be the voice of reason, you live in a fucking crazy world. | ||
| Pakistan still exists, okay? | ||
| It's a fucking completely disconnected country with nuclear arms and a hate for India, their next-door neighbor. | ||
| And, I mean, we had Shane Smith from Vice.com, and he was talking about how, you know, leaders from that part of the world have, like, said they want to strap themselves with nuclear bombs and go over and destroy their enemies. | ||
| I mean, they're fucking... | ||
| Fucking crazy. | ||
| And this is 2012. And this is a reality that people have to deal with. | ||
| That's why you need Navy SEALs. | ||
| You need the Army. | ||
| You need the Marines. | ||
| People don't want to think that that's real. | ||
| They don't want to think that you do need a military. | ||
| You fucking need a military, man. | ||
| Unless you want your wife raped in the street by Chinese soldiers. | ||
| And I'm not saying the Chinese want to do that. | ||
| But I'm saying that that traditionally has been what human beings have done. | ||
| That's what Genghis Khan did. | ||
| That's what the Romans did. | ||
| That's what the Greeks did. | ||
| People have been taking over people from the history from the first time people started writing things down. | ||
| It's a fucking series of stories about people taking over other people. | ||
| That's what everybody's always done. | ||
| And if you don't protect the people, then that's most likely going to happen because we really haven't evolved enough to not have it happen. | ||
| You know, it would be beautiful if everybody was all peace, love, and kumbaya. | ||
| But the reality is, if you actually pay attention to the news, there's a lot of non-kumbaya type shit going down all over the world. | ||
| You need a little bit of a military. | ||
| The problem is, you got a military and then you have a bunch of people that decide, you know, we'll fucking send these bitches over here and then we got some oil and we'll just make a lot of money. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| 2012. I have no point to this. | ||
| And this bitchin' doesn't do any good. | ||
| And the only thing that could possibly help is that somebody maybe could listen to me and run for president and make some sense. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| The young people are the only people that you can change. | ||
| You're not going to change Newt Gingrich. | ||
| That old goofy fuck. | ||
| He's not going to take mushrooms. | ||
| What are you going to do to Newt Gingrich? | ||
| How are you going to change Newt Gingrich? | ||
| You can't even slip him. | ||
| He'd freak out and have a heart attack. | ||
| Cut his dick off and drown himself in a bathtub. | ||
| He'd go crazy. | ||
| Oh dear. | ||
| That's no way to go. | ||
| No, that's no way to go. | ||
| There's no point to this. | ||
| We've had this conversation with 100 different people 100 different times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think that... | |
| I really get so uncomfortable talking about these things because I don't feel like I've informed myself enough to have a strong opinion. | ||
| But my instincts and just... | ||
| I agree with you that it doesn't matter who's president. | ||
| it's like you're fucked because you've inherited a mountain of shit, you know, for centuries. | ||
| I think that, unfortunately, and I'm, God forbid, but you know, I don't think that, you know, I think it's going to be something huge that's going to change everything. | ||
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| I don't know if that's something catastrophic. | ||
| I don't know if that's the aliens coming or whatever the fuck. | ||
| But something else would have to happen for anything to really change. | ||
| I think it's happening right in front of our face. | ||
| I think it's the internet. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| If there's an alien, I think the alien is the internet. | ||
| This alien entity that is created by humans that allows people to connect and exponentially grow together in some strange way that would never be possible without it. | ||
| To have access to information that would never be available. | ||
| And no one saw it coming. | ||
| No one saw it coming. | ||
| And it's a factor. | ||
| It's an alien factor created by human beings. | ||
| It's alien to the earth. | ||
| It's alien to any of the systems that have been set up before as far as natural systems of natural selection, of survival of the fittest. | ||
| This is an alien system. | ||
| This is an access to information and language. | ||
| However, if something happens with... | ||
| What did you say, Brian? | ||
| None of us have the know-how most people... | ||
| If the Wi-Fi gets knocked out, you know what I mean? | ||
| You lose all access to it. | ||
| No, that's true. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| If your jugular gets slit, your blood falls out and you're done. | ||
| God, I hope the internet isn't our jugular. | ||
| That's why I'm saying I need to learn how to live in the woods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Make my bows and arrows analogous to our blood. | |
| You know which ones are the good berries and the bad berries. | ||
| You know that Ultimate Fighter star that broke his penis? | ||
| Yes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is totally unrelated. | |
| Magical Ray Elby. | ||
| Apparently he had a girl hopping up and down on his Johnson and she miscalculated her exit and re-entry and it was tanked to tip, snapped his P9 and the homeboy was in the hospital for several days getting his shaft repaired and who knows if he ever totally recovered. | ||
| That must be some real force. | ||
| That's how an ultimate fighter fucks. | ||
| Is that tendons? | ||
| Is that muscle? | ||
| It's dick tissue. | ||
| It's officially dick tissue. | ||
| Yeah, it's officially dick tissue. | ||
| That's my new favorite word. | ||
| I've never broken it, but I heard it a couple of times. | ||
| That's like, you okay baby? | ||
| How's your dish you? | ||
| Frothy. | ||
| You can't let a strange girl who doesn't know how long your penis is ride you. | ||
| You should hold firmly onto her waist and control her exit and re-entry. | ||
| Can you imagine that? | ||
| You gotta be careful. | ||
| You gotta have a good grip on the waist and you gotta do a lot of kettlebells too. | ||
| Pick her up in case she gets crazy. | ||
| You want to be able to control that thrust. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| You know, I mean, a lot of girls would like to be on top. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that, folks. | ||
| Don't get wrong. | ||
| But you men, protect your penis, okay? | ||
| And the way to protect your penis is a firm grip on the hips. | ||
| There's got to be a certain point where you're in danger. | ||
| When they pass this, you know how long your dick is. | ||
| Was she on top for sure? | ||
| Yeah, she was bouncing up and down. | ||
| That's the only way to break a dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If he misfired, that falls on him. | |
| You would know you were doing it and you would stop while you were doing it. | ||
| You wouldn't do it. | ||
| The only way to break a dick is a girl has to be on top. | ||
| I think that's 100% of all the broken dicks have come from a girl being on top. | ||
| There's a few off-the-bed falls and stuff like that. | ||
| Yeah, those guys are... | ||
| That's natural selection. | ||
| They're supposed to fall. | ||
| What'd you do? | ||
| Tripp landed on his dick. | ||
| It's happened. | ||
| And then you broke it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That dick. | |
| I don't think that's happened. | ||
| Dude's tripped and landed on his dick. | ||
| In jiu-jitsu once, I used to not wear a cup. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you insane? | |
| Here comes that story again. | ||
| You love this story. | ||
| I got kneed in the dick. | ||
| Like on the dick. | ||
| I flattened my dick out. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Really hard. | ||
| By my friend Einstein. | ||
| Incidentally. | ||
| It's a funny nickname. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| Anyway, it wasn't his fault. | ||
| He was just trying to pass by guard. | ||
| And he slammed his knee into my dick. | ||
| And I didn't know I was hurt. | ||
| I mean, I knew it hurt. | ||
| But I thought it was okay. | ||
| And, you know, it's just like, ah! | ||
| And then, you know, you sit down for a minute or so. | ||
| And then you go back in. | ||
| When you... | ||
| Not in so much pain. | ||
| But then when I went to the locker room after training, I had blue shorts on or blue pants on. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| And I took my pants off and my jockstrap was red with blood. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So my dick had been bleeding into my jockstrap. | ||
| And then I peed and it came out of my dick. | ||
| It was bloody. | ||
| So then I had to figure out, okay, do I overreact here or do I treat it like I would treat my nose? | ||
| Because if my nose was bloody... | ||
| My nose is important to me. | ||
| If my nose was bloody, I would go to a doctor. | ||
| So this is one of the things you have to do when you do jiu-jitsu on a regular basis. | ||
| You're always getting hurt. | ||
| So you've got to know what the difference between a torn ACL is and a cramped muscle. | ||
| So I had to figure out. | ||
| So what I did was I decided I was going to masturbate. | ||
| So I went home. | ||
| No, you didn't. | ||
| Are you retarded? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I went home and I was like, if I have a hard-on... | ||
| I'm sure my dick still works, so I'm good. | ||
| So I got a hard on, and I ejaculated, and it looked like an embryo. | ||
| It looked like the inside of an egg. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, you don't. | |
| No, that's not it. | ||
| Please tell me that's not your jizz. | ||
| No, I don't have my jizz online. | ||
| My jizz is not online anyway. | ||
| Thank God, because I'm not ready for that. | ||
| I don't want to see that. | ||
| And it came out that way. | ||
| When I peed, it came out that way for three or four days. | ||
| And it slowly, like, lasts and lasts. | ||
| So I was like, I kept touching it. | ||
| Make sure it's not infected. | ||
| There's no pain. | ||
| I checked my temperature. | ||
| No fever. | ||
| Everything's cool. | ||
| There's no infection. | ||
| So I was like, alright. | ||
| Just took a few days off. | ||
| And that was it? | ||
| That was it. | ||
| It healed up. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it's okay. | ||
| And I made a baby since then, so it's all good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A blood baby. | |
| Good for you. | ||
| I think I made both of my babies since then, so it's 100%. | ||
| It fires. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But it was a little scary. | ||
| But it didn't look scary. | ||
| It looked normal on the outside. | ||
| That's why I was so confident. | ||
| It wasn't fat and swollen. | ||
| How many days did it take until you felt better? | ||
| It didn't hurt. | ||
| That was the crazy thing. | ||
| Blood was coming out of it. | ||
| That is bizarre. | ||
| Well, it's not bizarre when you need the dick. | ||
| Ryan, what is that? | ||
| Oh, that is from my dick. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Please stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not. | |
| I didn't put it online. | ||
| That's just blood. | ||
| But it was really weird. | ||
| But it was also, I was really questioning my own judgment. | ||
| I was like, did I really just jerk off after I broke my dick? | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with me? | ||
| And I was sitting there looking at the sink, looking at this, you know... | ||
| And I did it in a medical sort of way. | ||
| I didn't sit in front of a computer like, oh yeah, you fucking sexy bitch. | ||
| So you really had a stern look on your face? | ||
| Yeah, I was all medical and shit. | ||
| I'm sure I probably thought about some ex-girlfriend or something to get the job done, but it was a clinical approach. | ||
| I wanted to make sure that my dick worked. | ||
| Did that disturb you when Nina Hartley was talking about wearing gloves when she was on Kevin Pereira's show? | ||
| Yeah, what the hell is that about? | ||
| She'd rather have a person wear a glove and put his finger in her ass. | ||
| We had Nina Hartley on. | ||
| Do you know who she is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Old school porn star from like the 80s. | ||
| And she's still doing orgies and banging people all over the world. | ||
| She's old! | ||
| I do know who that is! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did she say? | |
| I like how you said that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's old! | |
| And I'm sorry, what did she say? | ||
| She likes to, when people wear gloves, she wears gloves and she wants them to wear gloves. | ||
| Like winter gloves? | ||
| Like mittens? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, like big Christmas. | ||
| What is it about the gloves? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did she... | |
| She wants them to be clean. | ||
| She wants everybody to be clean. | ||
| I don't blame her. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| You don't want just any finger going in there. | ||
| Oh, that's my fashion photography thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you. | |
| How dare you show my ass. | ||
| How come you can show my ass on Ustream, but you can't show that hooker's tit? | ||
| Because that's not your real butt, you told me. | ||
| That's my real butt. | ||
| That's not my real butt. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with you, son? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You guys were going to play another song about an hour ago. | ||
| We don't have to. | ||
| We don't have to, honestly. | ||
| I kind of like where this is going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, we would love to. | |
| You guys play one. | ||
| It's called Dick Tissue. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Broke. | ||
| Yo, Dick Tissue. | ||
| Do you guys have a song called Dick Tissue? | ||
| Reset. | ||
| No, because it's like more of a... | ||
| Something going on here. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I just don't know if I want to play this song. | ||
| What song is this? | ||
| It's a new song, and it's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It's a tender one. | ||
| Can we talk about... | ||
| Can we get soft? | ||
| Can we bring it down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can we get soft? | |
| Tell us about your kids, Jill. | ||
| My kids are awesome. | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| Yeah, I love them. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Little girls. | ||
| I have little tiny girls that I hang out with every day. | ||
| A big part of my day is hanging out. | ||
| Like, yes, they're your children. | ||
| Like, no question. | ||
| But it's not just my children. | ||
| It's also a little four-year-old individual who happens to be a girl. | ||
| And she's experiencing all these girl things. | ||
| And I want to be like, what the fuck? | ||
| We're not going to go see that. | ||
| I don't want to go see that shit. | ||
| But whatever it is that she wants to go do, like, we have to go see the Grinch. | ||
| You have to get excited with her. | ||
| Do you want to go to the carousel? | ||
| Oh, yes! | ||
| The carousel would be so good! | ||
| I want to ride a unicorn. | ||
| Do you think the unicorn will be available? | ||
| I bet it will. | ||
| Did she say available? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| She's wicked smart. | ||
| She's crazy smart. | ||
| But it's like you get to see things through the eyes of a four-year-old girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Available. | |
| It's really interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that. | |
| It's fascinating. | ||
| It's incredibly fascinating. | ||
| I mean, obviously, I love her to death. | ||
| She's amazing. | ||
| I'm so happy. | ||
| Just having children is like a really incredible experience. | ||
| It's really hard to wrap your head around it. | ||
| And I don't recommend it to everybody. | ||
| And I don't recommend it to people who are in bad situations in their relationship or stressed out. | ||
| But if you've got your ducks in order and you're in a good place with a nice person, having a kid is a crazy experience. | ||
| It's going to be hard times, but when you can hang out with this little person... | ||
| That you literally love more than you love your own life. | ||
| Like you would sacrifice your own life in order to keep them happy. | ||
| It's a very strange thing. | ||
| It's like, as an entertainer, I'm sure you guys can relate to this, especially being around a lot of other entertainers. | ||
| You guys are very balanced, but not a lot of us are. | ||
| A lot of us are very me, me, me, me, me. | ||
| And it's really hard to get past that. | ||
| There's a lot of selfish ideas out there in the world of art and creativity. | ||
| And one of the things that's been really freeing to me is to actually have someone in my life, have people in my life, not just one, a gang of these little people, that I literally love more than I like me. | ||
| I want more for them than for me. | ||
| I always thought that was bullshit. | ||
| I always thought that was what people said because they wanted to hear people go, Oh, he's so sensitive. | ||
| Oh, he's so yoga. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It sounds like horseshit. | ||
| But then when you understand the actual relationship between a parent and a child, it's not just a little human being. | ||
| It's a little human being that is a part of you. | ||
| You can never understand it unless it's yours. | ||
| The biological switches that go off are very strange. | ||
| So your whole feeling about love in general changes when you have children. | ||
| And my whole outlook on human beings. | ||
| Because once I had children, I changed the way I looked at everybody. | ||
| I don't look at adults as adults anymore. | ||
| I look at adults as babies that became adults. | ||
| I look at adults as like these bundles of potential that slowly but surely became a grown-up human being. | ||
| What are you playing, Brian? | ||
| Little baby. | ||
| You're playing babies eating lemons. | ||
| Have you given your babies the lemons yet? | ||
| Yeah, they like lemons. | ||
| They eat them. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Ha ha, peace. | ||
| Yeah, they make that face and then they bite down and chew them. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| There's a whole community of babies eating lemons. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god! | |
| It's okay because it's not painful, but it is kind of crazy. | ||
| You know, like you don't feel like the kid's getting tortured. | ||
| Because look, they still ate it. | ||
| They don't wipe their mouth off. | ||
| They just go, whoa, what the fuck, man? | ||
| That was a lime. | ||
| That kid's a pussy. | ||
| That kid freaked out from a lime. | ||
| Lime's not even that bad, you little fuck. | ||
| When I was a kid, we had to walk 20 miles in the snow just to get a lime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lies. | |
| Lies you tell. | ||
| You feel like, are we in the right groove now? | ||
| We might have gotten there. | ||
| What's this next song? | ||
| Well, it's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, it's kind of called... | |
| It's got a weird name. | ||
| I'm not sure if this is what we're going to call it. | ||
| But the chorus is, what you going to do now? | ||
| And it's not like water you're going to do now. | ||
| Like spelling it out, you know? | ||
| So like... | ||
| So this is not even named yet? | ||
| Not really, no. | ||
| We have a chance to hear a song that's not even named. | ||
| Maybe you can name it Joe. | ||
| Maybe we'll ask the people on Twitter to name it. | ||
| People on Ustream, if you have some good... | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| We're not guaranteeing shit. | ||
| But if you come up with the perfect name and Ben and Suzanne go, holy shit, that guy, fuckstick69, cold-blooded, he found it. | ||
| We found the right name. | ||
| Maybe Balls of Steel can help us out here. | ||
| Balls of Steel, where are you? | ||
| You introduced us. | ||
| Then he disappeared. | ||
| No, he's still on my board. | ||
| He's still on my board. | ||
| We are all Balls of Steel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bloody Balls. | |
| Bloody Balls of Steel. | ||
| Shout out to Duncan Trussell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Aww. | |
| That heart is steel. | ||
| He's the Ball of Steel. | ||
| Him, Tom Green, and Lance Armstrong can form a trio. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| New Planetary Avengers. | ||
| Trio. | ||
| It's Trio. | ||
| I want to see a triette. | ||
| You know, quartet sounds better than trio. | ||
| A triette? | ||
| Trio sounds like a... | ||
| We'll work that out next time we come in. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Got to take one more main fall away. | ||
| So, the working title? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whatcha gonna do now? | ||
| Whatcha gonna do now? | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen on Twitter, now's your time to be heard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Ben and Suzanne are listening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And judging you. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're not. | |
| We accept you. | ||
| Oh, baby, that fire's coming down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. | |
| Right into your walls, right out of your mouth. | ||
| Everything you love just dash on the ground. | ||
| Oh babe, so what you gonna do now? | ||
| So you run to the river, you run to the sea. | ||
| You sift through the road and search the debris. | ||
| But you won't find anything if you don't find peace. | ||
| Oh babe, so what you gonna do now? | ||
| Don't wait until you die. | ||
| Can always change your mind, make you right So why you're still waiting outside? | ||
| Maybe your mama didn't treat you right Maybe you just didn't sleep last night You know I don't give a damn why you wanna fight | ||
| Ooh, babe, so what you gonna do now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cause I'll be down that door you locked in your chest. | |
| Swallow the key throughout the gas. | ||
| And I'm standing here where everyone lives. | ||
| Who breaks? | ||
| What you gonna do now? | ||
| Don't wait until you die. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| You can always change your mind and make it bad. | ||
| So why ain't you still waiting outside? | ||
| To come out from the weeds and into my arms Thanks. | ||
| Oh babe, I know the dark and how it can harm you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, now that my conscience ripped me apart too. | |
| So here's what we're gonna do now. | ||
| Take all your needs and all your sins. | ||
| All of the losses you threw to the wind. | ||
| And we'll carry the weight if it breaks everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And that's what we're gonna do now. | |
| that's what we're gonna do now Hey, thanks. | ||
| I really liked that one. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| Wow, that's badass. | ||
| Play another one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| One more? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Come on, you fucks. | ||
| You guys are professionals. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I can't play fiddle right now. | ||
| What are you going to play? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| God of Love? | ||
| That's kind of a bummer one. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| It's so great. | ||
| It's a song that Ben wrote and I think it's awesome. | ||
| Why do you think it's a bummer? | ||
| Because of the lyrics and how it sounds? | ||
| But what else? | ||
| It sounds badass. | ||
| I want to hear the God of Love. | ||
| That's us putting it out there. | ||
| We've never played it live before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So what? | |
| Do it! | ||
| Listen, we love you. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| Make it happen. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| We can try. | ||
| Okay, I hope you guys just accept us out there. | ||
| Okay, hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shhh, here we go. | |
| Oh God of love If there is one You got me pinned So I tap your arm And I slap the floor I try to tag out But I got no team Makes me sad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't. | |
| And I'm the jealous guy. | ||
| And I don't need to prove it to you. | ||
| Yeah, I can be an angry woman. | ||
| I can look right through you. | ||
| What do I have to do? | ||
| Get on my hands and knees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do I have to do? | |
| Buy a rosary. | ||
| Oh, what do you need for me? | ||
| Won't you tell me, please? | ||
| Oh God of love, make me a fine prince Won't you lock me down, savage my innocence Give me hands to hold, give me skin to taste Give him my hips to throw And I'll give him my time to waste And I'll do you right And I'll praise your name And I'll pay your tab Even | ||
| though you drive me crazy What do I have to do? | ||
| Get on my hands and knees What do I have to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
By a rosary Oh, what do you need for me? | |
| Oh, why don't you tell me? | ||
| There it is. | ||
| There it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. | |
| And it's what I got What I've been waiting for Cause I feel confused Feel like a train wreck Like all the flowers died And it ain't winter yet And I'm the quiet guy And I'm a silent soul So won't you help me stand and pay my toll? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do I have to do? | |
| Get on my hands and knees What do I have to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you need from me? | |
| Won't you tell me, please? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Won't you tell me, please? | |
| Please? | ||
| That wasn't a bummer at all. | ||
| That was awesome. | ||
| Dude, that was awesome. | ||
| How about The Ballad of Buck Angel? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so glad you said that, because I was really hoping... | |
| Trosty Tragsvagason on Twitter suggested that. | ||
| The Ballad of Buck Angel. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| I want to hang out with that guy. | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| With that guy or Buck Angel, which one? | ||
| I've already hung out with Buck Angel. | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He's such a kind man. | ||
| Very tender. | ||
| Very tender. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And really, like, very soft-lived. | |
| Genuinely... | ||
| Both of them. | ||
| I was just going to say, which one's you talking about? | ||
| I'm sure one's not soft. | ||
| Barf! | ||
| Yeah, he just puked on his laptop. | ||
| I almost did. | ||
| Yeah, I don't mind trannies, but not that kind. | ||
| That's a little strong. | ||
| Trannies going the other way. | ||
| Yeah, there's different ways to slice it, no pun intended. | ||
| I seem to be more compatible with the men who want to be women than with the women who want to be men. | ||
| Those confuse me more. | ||
| More compatible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was such a PC way. | |
| Well, if you looked at it, as a man, what would you choose? | ||
| We have to wrap this up soon. | ||
| What would you choose? | ||
| Would you rather be the man who dates the man who used to be a woman but is now a man? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Or, you know what I mean? | ||
| Are you asking me personally, Joe? | ||
| Because I don't really know how to answer that question. | ||
| I should ask Ben. | ||
| Would you rather date a Buck Angel who's clearly very manly But has a vagina. | ||
| Or like a little tie. | ||
| A little tie boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A Twinkie. | |
| A Twinkie type situation. | ||
| How dare you! | ||
| Who becomes a woman. | ||
| You would rather have that, right? | ||
| You would rather have a man who at least looks like a woman. | ||
| You're saying like a manly vagina having a man? | ||
| Buck Angel's truly a man. | ||
| Truly a man, but not really. | ||
| Really is a woman. | ||
| Has a vagina. | ||
| Would you rather have that? | ||
| Or would you rather have a guy who used to be a guy but wanted to be a girl, who felt like he was a girl, but really looks like a girl? | ||
| Are they going to listen to me when I talk to them? | ||
| Are they going to listen to you? | ||
| What are we going to talk about? | ||
| Do you really need that? | ||
| Don't you have friends? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| What's going on? | ||
| Is that what you really want out of a relationship? | ||
| You want them to listen to you? | ||
| Get a dog, man. | ||
| Dogs will listen to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He does. | |
| He's got Larry Bird. | ||
| Larry Bird fucking loves Ben. | ||
| And he does talk to you. | ||
| You won't need a relationship anymore. | ||
| Just jerk off and have Larry Bird in your life and cut all the complications out, man. | ||
| Twink's a short name for a transsexual, right? | ||
| No, twinks are little gay fellas who are fairly non-muscular and very boy-like. | ||
| What do they call them in China? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you son of a bitch. | |
| Oh, you son of a bitch. | ||
| And he fucking prepared that one. | ||
| He prepared that one in his shitty little mind for like an hour. | ||
| Oh, like 20 seconds. | ||
| For like an hour. | ||
| He was rolling around how to introduce that one. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| Son of a bitch! | ||
| Not controversial. | ||
| Thursday night, Red Band will be at the Improv in Hollywood the night before the End of the World show. | ||
| Joey Diaz is going to be there. | ||
| I'm most likely going to be there. | ||
| Let's just say I'm going to be there. | ||
| Okay, you're there. | ||
| Yeah, like I said, there's only 60 tickets left for the Wiltern. | ||
| With Honey Honey. | ||
| Honey Honey wants to come. | ||
| She can come too. | ||
| If you guys want to the night before. | ||
| Can Ben come too, you fuck? | ||
| I said Honey Honey. | ||
| Yeah, he said she can come. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Okay, they are a group. | ||
| It's them. | ||
| It's not she. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's them. | |
| Look, you gotta make out with both of us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't care. | |
| He will do that. | ||
| He has no fear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Black power pills? | |
| He has no fear of making out with Ben while he has sex with you. | ||
| Trust me, I'm under the influence for three days, so you got me. | ||
| The kid's Randy and Reddy, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you're in the Pasadena area, Brian Redman giving out sperm. | |
| All righty. | ||
| Brian Redman to the main stage. | ||
| Alright, you guys. | ||
| I've got some frothy loads for you. | ||
| $14 margaritas. | ||
| Step on up. | ||
| And they don't yell out because there's some pee in it. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Ruined it again, you fuck. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| Settle the fuck down. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| This show essentially is over. | ||
| This was a fun one. | ||
| It got dark. | ||
| Thank you for having us. | ||
| But it was good. | ||
| Thank you guys for being on it. | ||
| You know, if it wasn't for you guys, we probably would have never went down the road of musical guests. | ||
| It's been really fun. | ||
| You guys were the first. | ||
| Dude, Balls of Steel. | ||
| Whatever it was, it was in the fucking stars for us, guys. | ||
| Yeah, I think it was. | ||
| It's friendship. | ||
| It was, I mean, the guy, if you don't know the story, a guy on my message board sent me a message, a personal message that said, this is going to be your new favorite band. | ||
| And it was you guys playing Angel of Death on the top of a roof somewhere in LA. And it was an acoustic version of it. | ||
| And I was like, wow. | ||
| These guys are fucking good. | ||
| And then I just started, I think I saw My Little Toy Gun. | ||
| I think that was the next song I saw. | ||
| And I just watched a bunch of your videos. | ||
| And I'm like, holy shit, these guys are awesome. | ||
| And somehow or another we all got together and now we're besties. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's pretty awesome. | ||
| I like what's happening here, guys. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| One of the coolest things about the internet is the ability to connect people. | ||
| The other cool thing? | ||
| Stalkers. | ||
| That's not cool at all. | ||
| I disagree very strongly. | ||
| I'm being facetious. | ||
| That's the problem with the ability to connect people. | ||
| Some people are just not fully developed. | ||
| They're not ready. | ||
| They're not ready for others. | ||
| You know, not to segue from stalkers at all, because that's like a wrong place to go from, but I do want to have a little shout out and a thank you to all the amazing Death Squad fans that have come to our shows. | ||
| There's some incredible people that we've met on our... | ||
| Don't you ever think you'd be thanking a Death Squad? | ||
| During our travels. | ||
| Just stop and think about how weird that is. | ||
| I'd like to thank the Death Squad. | ||
| Did you ever think those words would come out of your mouth? | ||
| I don't think I would, no. | ||
| Well, we never thought we would call ourselves the Death Squad either. | ||
| Why do you call them the Death Squad? | ||
| We were on the Opie and Anthony show. | ||
| What was it, 2006 or some shit like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Opie, when we walked in, I walked in with Tate Fletcher, this big giant dude from The Ultimate Fighter, a good buddy of ours, and Eddie Bravo, who's a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| And Opie goes, oh, here's Joe Rogan. | ||
| He brought in the death squad, like there's these people that were killers. | ||
| And we just, as a joke, started calling ourselves a death squad. | ||
| That's really funny. | ||
| Because he said that. | ||
| And then Brian started the Death Squad Podcast Network. | ||
| And it sort of spread through that. | ||
| And then Brian started selling the Death Squad t-shirts. | ||
| And then people showed up at shows. | ||
| And they're all wearing these Death Squad t-shirts. | ||
| And now people put hashtag Death Squad. | ||
| It's hashtagged all over the place. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| And Brian does Death Squad shows. | ||
| He calls the comedy shows Death Squad shows. | ||
| It just was a crazy thing that sort of just grew and became weird. | ||
| It's like our group of friends, our gang. | ||
| If you're on the Death Squad, we pretty much approve of your comedy, what you do. | ||
| Can musicians be in your Death Squad? | ||
| Oh yeah, you're in the Death Squad. | ||
| You guys are 100% Death Squad approved unanimously. | ||
| We voted right now. | ||
| I'm so happy. | ||
| I'm so excited. | ||
| It's a noise, but we don't really mean the connotation of those words to connect it together like death squad. | ||
| It became something else. | ||
| And even though it has that name, we don't think of any... | ||
| There's no death involved. | ||
| There's no squad. | ||
| It's like a bunch of silly happy people. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But they just ironically call themselves Death Squad. | ||
| With the Highland cap, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That really doesn't... | |
| Tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen, will be our 300th motherfucking episode. | ||
| You were 299? | ||
| Yes, you guys were 299. And joining us tomorrow will be none other than the great Joey Coco Diaz. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| You never know with Joey. | ||
| You never know what's gonna happen. | ||
| It's part of the fun. | ||
| And it's also baby week, too. | ||
| You never know if he's night. | ||
| Joey Diaz's wife is about to hatch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A new Joey Diaz. | ||
| Push that back in there. | ||
| A female Joey Diaz who will no doubt be the funniest girl in preschool. | ||
| It's just going to come out of Joey. | ||
| The cats are going to babysit the kid tonight, huh? | ||
| Cracking jokes right away. | ||
| It's going to be very interesting. | ||
| Joey will be with us Friday night at The Wiltern. | ||
| Honey, honey. | ||
| Joey Diaz. | ||
| Doug Stanhope. | ||
| And me! | ||
| It's going to be awesome. | ||
| And listen, I got all these emails from all these different people saying they're coming from all over the world. | ||
| We appreciate the fuck out of that. | ||
| And we're very excited. | ||
| And I'm so glad that we... | ||
| Doug and I talked about doing this. | ||
| Probably in 2003 when we first started doing our shitty version of The Man Show. | ||
| We said we should have an end of the world party and we're doing it. | ||
| JoeRogan.net, my comedy special. | ||
| It's already out. | ||
| I was supposed to not talk about it until tomorrow but a bunch of people have already saw it on Twitter while this podcast was going on. | ||
| And said they loved it, which I'm very happy here. | ||
| I'm really happy for it. | ||
| I would never put it out if it sucked. | ||
| I worked really hard on this. | ||
| It was like a good, solid year of preparation. | ||
| And then it was a long time to set up the infrastructure to sell this and to be able to distribute it online. | ||
| What Louis C.K. did is a real game changer. | ||
| It sort of changed the way a lot of people, certainly the way I think about it. | ||
| Releasing things like this was never even an option or a consideration until we started doing this podcast. | ||
| So thank you very much. | ||
| We appreciate the fuck out of you guys. | ||
| We're all in this together. | ||
| It's helping me as much as it's helping you guys. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| I don't even believe in God. | ||
| I swear to him. | ||
| I believe in Odin. | ||
| And send him praise. | ||
| Praise Odin, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| It's not that I don't believe in God. | ||
| It's that I don't believe in him, and I don't not believe in him. | ||
| If he was there, I wouldn't be shocked. | ||
| I wouldn't be shocked. | ||
| Life itself is fucking crazy enough as it is. | ||
| God is an operating system, Joe. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| God could be the guy who programmed the simulation. | ||
| He could be some autistic kid in Seattle. | ||
| With a fucking laptop. | ||
| Alright, you fucks. | ||
| Look, we love the shit out of ya. | ||
| We're sending out positive messages to you. | ||
| Take them in and do with them what you will. | ||
| And we'll see you tomorrow. |
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