Dec. 13, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:29:39
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| The powerful Dom Arrera is here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| I am typing that shit as I talk to you. | ||
| That's why I seem like I'm slow. | ||
| But I wrote Damn Arrera. | ||
|
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See? | |
| Damn Arrera. | ||
| That damn Arrera. | ||
| It ruins everything. | ||
|
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That Arrera character. | |
| Why did he get over to soda like I told him to? | ||
| Dom Herrera is one of my favorite human beings on the planet, but he also drives a car from many decades ago. | ||
| It's an antique! | ||
| It is an antique. | ||
| Now, I'll tell you what, that car would be worth a lot of money to a young upcoming comic if they found out they could get ahold of Dom Herrera's Lexus. | ||
| Well, you know, I called it the Cher, because I was on tour with Cher, and I got all this extra cash in the summer. | ||
| So I go in and buy a car, and I said, I'll give you $40,000, because I can't do that. | ||
| I said, alright. | ||
| He goes, wait, come back. | ||
| I said, that's what I'm going to give you. | ||
| I just got a brand new Honda. | ||
| I don't need a Lexus. | ||
| I just want one because it's cool. | ||
| Then he went, let me talk to my friend. | ||
| Then he comes back and goes, you know, I like you. | ||
| I go, I can't believe you like me. | ||
| You like me? | ||
| You just met me. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| What a quick, wonderful relationship this is. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Then I got the car. | ||
| I paid cash. | ||
| Yeah, that's a war horse of a fucking car. | ||
| But Don Rivera has no goddamn navigation system in that thing. | ||
| But it looks beautiful. | ||
| I listen to the ground like an Indian scout. | ||
| I'm out there. | ||
| I'm feeling the wheels beneath my feet. | ||
| The radio doesn't even work. | ||
| I don't even fix it. | ||
| I had my radio break once and I thought up more shit that day than any other day. | ||
| I should break my radio all the time. | ||
| The biggest drag of that car is it only has a tape deck. | ||
| Oh, no, it doesn't! | ||
| It's a tape deck! | ||
| It's really hard to get tapes. | ||
| I went into a place and they have no tapes left. | ||
| That is goddamn hilarious. | ||
| You have a tape deck. | ||
| But all these other cars, I got a brand new Cadillac for leasing and all that. | ||
| Something went wrong with them. | ||
| This one, nothing stops it. | ||
| Well, you know, those Lexuses are fucking bulletproof. | ||
| You know what else is bulletproofed on my railroad? | ||
|
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Onnit.com. | |
| That's right. | ||
| Onnit. | ||
|
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O-N-N-I-T. Get yourself some bulletproof coffee. | |
| Mix it up with fresh butter that comes from grass-fed cows. | ||
| That's the only way to go. | ||
| And some MCT oil. | ||
| Joe, could you repeat that? | ||
| Because I didn't get that. | ||
| This is a complicated advertisement. | ||
| Okay, onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. What you need to do is get some Shroom Tech Sport in your life, Dom Herrera. | ||
| Some what? | ||
| Shroom Tech Sport. | ||
| Oh yeah, Shroom Tech Sport. | ||
| I just ran out. | ||
| You need to get some. | ||
| I'll give you some Alphabrade too. | ||
| I actually have a gift pack for you. | ||
| Jamie, there's some little boxes in there, little gold Onnit boxes. | ||
| I just got here and I'm getting gifts. | ||
| For everybody that comes on the podcast now, we give them an Onnit gift pack. | ||
| And in the honor gift packet, it has all sorts of groovy shit, including buffalo jerky made with real cranberries. | ||
| Yeah, if you're hungry, that's going to get me hepped up on something. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no hepped up on nothing. | ||
| None of these things will get you high, but the alpha brain will definitely, hopefully, if it works for you. | ||
| It works for almost everybody, but I believe people when they say it has no effect on them. | ||
| I absolutely believe them. | ||
| I don't know how your fucking dome works. | ||
| I don't even understand how mine works. | ||
| But I do know that every single ingredient, if you go to Onnit.com, there's a whole page that's based on the science behind all of these supplements. | ||
| And all of it has been shown to increase memory or aid in test scores. | ||
| They're all just essentially nutrients that help cognitive function. | ||
| It's a very controversial thing. | ||
| And because it's controversial, we want to treat this thing as evenly and as honestly and as morally as possible. | ||
| It's kind of hard to do when you run a business. | ||
| But the idea behind Onnit is a real genuine and honest one. | ||
| And it's to try to sell you the best shit possible at a very reasonable price and make it so that no one feels ripped off. | ||
| And one of the ways we do that is we have a 90-day, 100% money-back guarantee on The first 30 pills, whether it's AlphaBrain or ShroomTech, If you try it, you use it, you don't feel like it had an effect on you, get your money back. | ||
| You don't have to return the product. | ||
| No one's trying to rip you off. | ||
| But what we are doing is selling you the best shit possible that we actually use ourselves. | ||
| I actually use Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech, New Mood. | ||
| I use these daily. | ||
| Hemp Force. | ||
| I eat that shit daily. | ||
| I use all this stuff. | ||
| You must have used a lot of it last night after that killer set you had. | ||
| I used the kettlebells, Dominic. | ||
| It was a battle rope workout. | ||
| Anyway, go to Onnit.com, use the code name ROGAN, and save yourself 10% off. | ||
| Have you been playing that fucking game? | ||
| Yeah, I actually play it on the toilet. | ||
| I have an iPad now in my toilet that I use, an old iPad. | ||
| There's an image I'd like to get out of my head. | ||
| Yeah, if you play it on the toilet, man, you've got to be real careful of those legs getting numb. | ||
| Yeah, I'm more concerned about the hemorrhoid that it's created. | ||
| I got an eye hemorrhoid. | ||
| You have hemorrhoids and it comes from forcing things? | ||
| Is that what hemorrhoids come from? | ||
| From sitting on the toilet too long. | ||
| I sit on the toilet, like, all the time. | ||
| Break your ass. | ||
| What a social life, huh? | ||
| It's comfortable. | ||
| It's warm. | ||
| It's comfortable. | ||
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Plus, the dude does not have a lot of lettuce in his diet. | |
| No roughage? | ||
| His shits are a struggle. | ||
| I shit so much. | ||
| Each one's a battle. | ||
| Tell me about it. | ||
| I shit a lot. | ||
| I poop all the time. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This coffee is just like two poops waiting to happen. | ||
| Well, that's good. | ||
| When you're not pooping, you got a real problem. | ||
| I was watching this show the other day. | ||
| Oh, it was Anthony Bourdain's show, and it was on Philadelphia. | ||
| And his other show, you know, he's got those two different shows. | ||
| One of them is called Layover, and it was that one. | ||
| And one of the things in Philadelphia, they went to this museum where they had this guy with a gigantic colon. | ||
| And sometimes it would be like six to ten days in between shits. | ||
| This guy didn't shit for like six days. | ||
| And his colon was enormous. | ||
| It was disgusting. | ||
| So don't let that happen. | ||
| How did they find out that he had an enormous colon? | ||
| Well, he was distended. | ||
| As he was alive, he looked disgusting. | ||
| It was really horrendous looking. | ||
| And they saved it in this museum. | ||
| It's a museum of all fucked up body anomalies. | ||
| I have a friend who used to think it was manly not to pee. | ||
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What? | |
| And he would drink beer. | ||
| He would drink like a 10-pack of beer. | ||
| What? | ||
| Listen, this is crazy. | ||
| He got a distended bladder from it, and it has no resiliency. | ||
| So now he has to use a catheter. | ||
| So every time, it's so fucking sad. | ||
| He broke his bladder? | ||
| He didn't break it. | ||
| He had distended it. | ||
| So it's so stretched out. | ||
| That it can't hold water anymore. | ||
| Yeah, so he just has to use a catheter. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Can you imagine he did it to himself? | ||
| All the fucking things that happened to us in life, he did it to himself. | ||
| You know, he thought he was like Spartacus, you know, not peeing. | ||
| That made him strong. | ||
| Wow, that's kind of an interesting approach to life. | ||
| Oh, that's just talking about backfire. | ||
| I think I should have peed. | ||
| That has nothing to do, Don, with playing Blade Slinger while you're on the toilet. | ||
| I see that. | ||
| Kerosene Games is one of our new sponsors, and they have this new game called Blade Runner, or Blade Slinger. | ||
| I keep saying Blade Runner. | ||
| Blade Runner. | ||
| Too close. | ||
| It's Blade Slinger, goddammit. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| The graphics are amazing. | ||
| That's the actual graphics of the game. | ||
| I mean, it is really well done. | ||
| And it's not a game that's ported over from a computer. | ||
| They designed them specifically for the iPad-iPhone interface, the way it works with no buttons and touchscreen and everything like that. | ||
| So everything works intuitively with that. | ||
| It's a fun fucking game. | ||
| And it's a really good deal, too. | ||
| It's only $2.99. | ||
| $2.99, and it's fun to play. | ||
| And Kerosene Games, their whole goal, their whole mission is to make the coolest video games available specifically for mobile devices. | ||
| So that's what they're working on. | ||
| Who does the main character look like? | ||
| He looks like you. | ||
| No, he looks like Jamie. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| Jamie who? | ||
| That looks like you, bitch. | ||
| That's not me. | ||
| That's you, more than Jamie. | ||
| Jamie, employee number two. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Anyway, Blade Slinger. | ||
| Go get it on the iPad. | ||
| You can get it on the iPhone. | ||
| And they're working on a version of it for Android, apparently. | ||
| But they do not. | ||
| It says ETA January, February, high-end Android devices as well. | ||
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Like the Galaxy S3? The Galaxy S3 from Ting, if you've been playing with it. | |
| Yeah, I love it. | ||
| The map. | ||
| I tell you, man, there's a few things that Android has going for it, for sure. | ||
| Especially the Galaxy S3. And one is the Google Maps. | ||
| Just having Google Maps back, the original application that's not on the iPhone anymore... | ||
| It's so nice. | ||
| And on the Galaxy S3, the screen's so big, and you have like, oh, nice maps, big screen. | ||
| It's nice, but I'm still playing with it. | ||
| I don't know if it's just because I'm so used to the iPhone for the last five years using the same operating system Or if it's just like, everything's set up so nice on the iPhone. | ||
| It's very intuitive on the iPhone. | ||
| I find like, although Android phones I really like, they can be a bit like Windows, where once you know where the fuck everything is, everything's cool. | ||
| But before then, it's like, why is it here? | ||
| What is this doing? | ||
| Where the fuck is that? | ||
| I definitely would never go, hey mom, get an Android. | ||
| Over an iPhone. | ||
| Because it is like, oh, you have to figure that shit out. | ||
| Just defrag. | ||
| Well, you would if you wanted her to call you and need you. | ||
| If you're, like, real needy. | ||
| You would tell her to get an Android phone. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| Just so you'd have to give her advice all the time. | ||
| Anyway, my advice to you, go get Blade Slinger. | ||
| Get it for the iPad and support this cool game company, Kerosene Games. | ||
| Because they support the podcast. | ||
| And it's only $2.99. | ||
| My advice to you is you don't need segues, mister. | ||
| I'm a master at this shit! | ||
| They come naturally. | ||
| They flow. | ||
| Next week is when I am releasing my stand-up special. | ||
| Next Tuesday, the 18th. | ||
| So I finally got it all together. | ||
| I know it took a long-ass time. | ||
| It took a lot longer than I thought it was going to take, but thanks everybody for your patience and even the people that asked about it. | ||
| No one was being douchey about it, but it was, you know, I agree. | ||
| I mean, I recorded it in April. | ||
| It's finally coming out. | ||
| Is this just the stand-up special or is there any extra bonus features? | ||
| Yeah, we're going to have some other shit too, but as of right now, like, It's just a stand-up special. | ||
| Some of that material that you did last night, is some of that in there? | ||
| No, that's all new stuff, I think. | ||
| Oh, that was fucking killer last night. | ||
| Yeah, you got the really new stuff. | ||
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You got the no vagina joke. | |
| That's groundbreaking. | ||
| Well, thanks, man. | ||
| Last night was fun as fuck. | ||
| Dom Herrera is here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| This is the end of the commercials. | ||
| Use the code name ROGEN to go fuck yourself. | ||
| Dom Herrera is here, goddammit. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
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Old school. | |
| I can't believe I found the place. | ||
| One of the greats, goddammit. | ||
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The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| If one hour into the podcast, Brian becomes a bundle of energy and super duper talkative, it may or may not be because he got a hold of some provigil, provigil. | ||
| Provigil? | ||
|
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Provigil. | |
| May or may not be. | ||
| I need that. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Some stuff that keeps you awake. | ||
| I was told to take it. | ||
| I don't need that. | ||
| The way he looked at me like, oh boy, I don't need that. | ||
| That's one of the worst things you could ever do to me, Joe. | ||
| That's the thing about comedians, man. | ||
| We love to get our sleep on. | ||
| Well, I mean, speed would kill me. | ||
| I like downs. | ||
| I like tranquilizers. | ||
| If I was going to do any drug, I would do heroin. | ||
| From what they say, it feels like. | ||
| Robert Schimmel told me he accidentally took Adderall once. | ||
| He thought it was one of his pills after he had his heart condition. | ||
| He had cancer. | ||
| And he had a heart condition as well, right? | ||
| He was having heart problems. | ||
| Whatever he was on, whatever medication he was on, he accidentally took someone else's Adderall. | ||
| Well, he was worried, but his doctor said he would be okay. | ||
| He said, what's the pill that you took? | ||
| How many milligrams? | ||
| You're going to be fine. | ||
| This is going to take a while. | ||
| Just go get things done. | ||
| So he went running around his house. | ||
| He said he organized his office. | ||
| He said he organized all of his notes and put them in alphabetical order. | ||
| He was like doing shit that he would never do without it. | ||
| It makes you think, like, man, if you could manage that correctly, if you were confident that you could manage that Adderall stuff, it seems like you get a lot of shit done on that. | ||
| Coffee gets me high. | ||
| Oh, it definitely does. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's why, especially Starbucks. | ||
| I mean, that's why this stuff is everywhere. | ||
| Everybody's addicted to this stuff. | ||
| How fucked up was that last night? | ||
| I had two drinks and I couldn't interview you. | ||
| We were fun. | ||
|
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It was fun. | |
| I had fun, but I had to think. | ||
| Usually, with you, it just flows. | ||
| But I'm telling you, the two drinks affected me. | ||
| Ever since I said I stopped drinking... | ||
| I thought you stopped drinking. | ||
| I did. | ||
| But I do. | ||
| I stopped drinking, and then I have a couple drinks every night almost to celebrate my sobriety. | ||
| And that's what happens. | ||
| I get higher because I don't drink as much, and I had those two Irish coffees. | ||
| I was fucking fucked. | ||
| How many days a week are you back to drinking? | ||
|
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Seven. | |
| Right away! | ||
| No, I actually didn't drink on Monday. | ||
| And I told my goddaughter who lives with me, I go, you know, I quit drinking again. | ||
| She said, it's only Tuesday. | ||
| You drank Sunday. | ||
| I was hungover the whole day. | ||
| So, yeah, it's a tough one. | ||
| Yeah, I usually stop drinking on hangovers. | ||
| You did really well for several months. | ||
| I did well for three months, yeah. | ||
| And then what happened? | ||
| I don't know, it's just... | ||
| Can you chuck me those keys down? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Those keys are on that table. | ||
| I know I'm going to forget them. | ||
| You just missed it? | ||
| I missed it. | ||
| You know, I missed the fun. | ||
| And you know, one of the girls at the Laugh Factory, a friend of mine, she said to me, she called me like basically a pussy, right? | ||
| A friend of mine, Julianne, right? | ||
| She says, uh... | ||
| Are you going to have a couple drinks with me tonight or are you going to show me a chip for how long it's been since you quit drinking? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Wow, what a friend. | ||
| I have another friend I play ping pong with and he'll put a martini under my nose. | ||
| Doesn't that look good? | ||
| I have just the opposite of supportive friends. | ||
| I have friends that try to get me to drink. | ||
| It's like a reverse intervention. | ||
| Why do they do that? | ||
| I don't know, just for fun. | ||
| I mean, if it didn't bloat me... | ||
| Do you get hangovers? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They last all day now for me. | ||
|
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They used to be... | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the whole day. | ||
| Like, I'll have a hangover at, like, 10 o'clock at night and go, all right, I guess I'm ready to drink just to get rid of this. | ||
| You've got to really over-hydrate. | ||
| That's the key. | ||
| When you feel that... | ||
| That coconut water's good. | ||
| It's very good for that. | ||
| When you feel that headache, that's mostly dehydration, I believe. | ||
| I don't get a headache. | ||
| I get nervous. | ||
| You get nervous? | ||
| I get, like, anxiety. | ||
| Heart palpitations. | ||
| No, just like, I don't know, you know. | ||
| Well, you realize you're killing your body slowly. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know, that's the feeling. | ||
| Like, you realize you're impending doom. | ||
| That's a danger being a comedian, too, because you can fucking live the life of a degenerate and then be fine by 10 o'clock at night. | ||
| And let's be honest about, I mean, how much sobriety is required in our jobs. | ||
| You know, you can go on half fucked up and have a great set. | ||
| I can go on drunk and not even remember to set and just go on rote. | ||
| I mean, I hate to do that, but I've done so much stand-up that, I mean, you know, I literally could do it from a hammock. | ||
| I remember watching people when I was younger phone it in. | ||
| And we've all seen guys phone it in where they're not really engaging in what they're saying. | ||
| They're not really thinking about it. | ||
| I don't like to do that. | ||
| But it's weird. | ||
| It's weird when you see it. | ||
| It's weird when you see it. | ||
| And it's weird when it happens to you too. | ||
| Sometimes it doesn't always happen to you. | ||
| Especially starting out and developing, along the way, you kind of realize, well, that set went great, what did I do different? | ||
| And this set didn't go as good, what did I do wrong? | ||
| But I remember Ray Romano got off set. | ||
| I worked with him at Jimmy's Comedy Alley. | ||
| I remember Jimmy's. | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| Yeah, I middled for Ray Romano back in the day. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| He was a great guy, too. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He's such a sweetheart. | ||
| He hates to follow anybody strong. | ||
| Well, he was great about it, though. | ||
| He was so funny, man. | ||
| He was so goddamn good. | ||
| But anyway, he got off stage. | ||
| I mean, he just crushed for 45 minutes. | ||
| Absolutely destroyed. | ||
| And then he got off stage. | ||
| Yeah, well, that was about the most autopilot I've ever been. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
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Just walked right through that one. | |
| He just, he goes, I totally found it in, they fucking bought it, hook, line, and sinker. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| I just did a benefit with him for Peter Boyle's, you know, his wife started a cancer fund and research thing, and Ray, you know, comes up to me, it's so funny, our lives, he goes, can I ask you a question? | ||
| It may sound a little awkward. | ||
| I go, why? | ||
| He goes, did you talk about your balls at all? | ||
| I go, no, why? | ||
| He goes, oh, I got a ball bed I wanted to do, but I didn't want to talk about balls again if you didn't. | ||
| Thanks for checking in with me, Ray. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| Yeah, do you ever have that with guys? | ||
| Like, they say, oh, sorry, I didn't know that you talked about that. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Do you give a fuck? | ||
| No, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I tell you what, I did a bit that Johnny Sanchez did, and I knew that I had to have heard it subconsciously, because I swear to God, and Johnny knows me, He knows I wouldn't take it, but it was too specific. | ||
| It was about Mesopotamia and Persia and Babylonia. | ||
| Like, it had too many rings to it that I thought, John, he goes, no, do it. | ||
| I go, John, I'm not going to do it. | ||
| Because I know I had to, like, I could have been sitting upstairs at the Laugh Factory, not even paying attention, heard it in my mind. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's the danger of some of these things, because sometimes it's not malicious. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, and sometimes it's that weird thing where you're working with a guy and they have a bit that's on the same subject as your bit, but it's a different bit. | ||
| Like, all of a sudden your friend has a time machine bit. | ||
| Right, all out of nowhere, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're like, okay, yeah, well that's not my bit. | ||
| Yeah, yours is definitely a different bit, but you're going to do a time machine bit right before I do a time machine bit? | ||
|
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That's... | |
| Yeah, I've seen that on the road where you have the middle act. | ||
| The middle act the next night all of a sudden has the same subject matter. | ||
| Yeah, it's called stepping on your material. | ||
| And guys who open for you when they're doing that shit, it's so gross. | ||
| It's so transparent. | ||
| And I hate to tell people what to do as far as subject matter. | ||
| But you can't. | ||
| You know when someone's got actual bits. | ||
| And you know when someone is just trying to step on the subject matter. | ||
| It's a weird thing that people do where they get competitive with the other acts that they're working with. | ||
| And it just ruins the whole vibe. | ||
| Like if you go on the road with people and everybody's having a good time and everybody wants everybody else to do well, that's like a great feeling. | ||
| Yeah, it is a great feeling. | ||
| When you're working with a guy and he wants you to eat it and so he's trying to like Bury you. | ||
| He's trying to do shit to bury you. | ||
| That's a weird feeling. | ||
| I can't even imagine that way because I've always been with you. | ||
| I had one guy that did that to me in New Jersey and he just kept trying to fuck me. | ||
| You could tell. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, that's the area for it. | ||
| Mine was in Philly. | ||
| My worst case example is in Philly. | ||
| I had this whole bit. | ||
| About Madonna. | ||
| And this dude did the bit in front of me and used Janet Jackson. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Like, did the exact same bit. | ||
| I mean, it was the same. | ||
| I think I remembered a Madonna bit. | ||
| Did you call her a whore in it? | ||
| No, I told her. | ||
| Beautiful human being. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Never called her whore. | ||
| Wrong bit. | ||
| No, it was just about watching a video. | ||
| It was a stupid joke. | ||
| I don't even remember the exact wording of it. | ||
| Watching a video... | ||
| A Madonna video while my girlfriend was in the room and having to field dumb questions. | ||
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Like, if you had to choose, she'd marry me, who would you pick? | |
| I want you to be honest. | ||
| And the joke was like, I would fuck her in front of you, over your mother's house, on the kitchen table, with her ass in your cornflakes. | ||
| So it was a stupid joke. | ||
| But this dude had the exact same joke the next day with Janet Jackson. | ||
| I'm like, well, that's crazy. | ||
| Like, he just stole that joke. | ||
| I didn't know, you know, back in the day, I didn't really know exactly how you dealt with that. | ||
| I had enough material that it didn't matter. | ||
| I didn't have to do it. | ||
| I was like already phasing that bit out. | ||
| But I thought it was crazy that this guy had like two or three bits all of a sudden that were on the same subjects. | ||
| And one of them was like basically the same exact joke and just reworded it. | ||
| Did you ever throw something away and somebody picks it up and runs with it? | ||
| I had like a thing where I was talking about, I'm not a racist unless I'm in traffic, then I become a racist, you know? | ||
| It's gotta be a fucking chink in front of me. | ||
| I'm telling you, I know it. | ||
| It's gotta be a chink broad, right? | ||
| And I drive with the city. | ||
| See, it is. | ||
| Why would you ever throw that away? | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| It's fucking funny, man. | ||
| There's an act at the lab factory now. | ||
| His whole first five minutes is about that. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Being racist in traffic. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he heard you talk about this? | ||
| Yeah, he had to hear it. | ||
| That's really pathetic. | ||
| That's really pathetic. | ||
| I've seen guys do that. | ||
| I've seen guys take a bit that someone else said in conversation and all of a sudden they do it. | ||
| What they don't understand is that a lot of times when you say something in conversation, you might have already said it on stage. | ||
| Or if you have a point of view on something, it might be something you've already been working on for a long time. | ||
| And if you lay out the premise like that to a guy, that's just as bad as stealing material. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you know, some things you can't steal. | ||
| Like when you were doing the two bits about your daughter, it's so vivid. | ||
| You can see that. | ||
| I'm not going to tell you that's what makes it so funny. | ||
| But it's perfectly executed in the sense that you see her. | ||
| You see you and her. | ||
| Not just the banana thing, but the second thing. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious because it brings you in. | ||
| That's what people hopefully can't steal. | ||
| It's your essence and your own life. | ||
| If somebody starts talking about my cousin Johnny, I know they stole from me. | ||
| I know they can fuck around and dance around shit. | ||
| But there's a weird thing with being influenced by people versus stealing from people. | ||
| We're all influenced. | ||
| We didn't get here on our own. | ||
| None of us get here on our own. | ||
| I think what everybody's always concerned with, though, is the honesty of where these ideas are coming from. | ||
| If you're taking ideas from other people, The whole vibe of what you're doing is completely different. | ||
| Because the vibe of a stand-up comedian, like what I love about, say, a guy like you, when you're on stage and you're killing, is I know that this is your mind putting all of this together. | ||
| I know this is an individual's point of view and expression. | ||
| And I'll lock into it and have a great time with your thoughts. | ||
| But as soon as I think that you're just parroting someone else's words... | ||
| As soon as I think that this isn't something that you've absorbed, this isn't a part of you as a human, these aren't your actual thoughts, these aren't your actual conclusions, this is just you saying some shit, well then you lose a big chunk of that connection. | ||
| Then we have a bullshit relationship. | ||
| There's no soul to it. | ||
| I was watching a guy last week and he really was stuck in the 80s. | ||
| And really stuck without being able to budge. | ||
| Nothing had any heart to it. | ||
| You know how Rodney did it so extreme that it was funny? | ||
| You knew that it was a character, you knew it was jokes, and it was funny because his character is so brilliant. | ||
| This guy was trying to act like it was him, but it was jokey jokes. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It was bizarre. | ||
| Put that away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| What happened? | ||
| It's a video of me when I was like 20 years old. | ||
| Dude, this is so crazy. | ||
| Somebody's just like, I just remembered Dom Herrera from Full Frontal Comedy. | ||
| So I'm like, I wonder if I can find that clip. | ||
| Is that Joe on Full Frontal? | ||
| And I just pulled it up and it's Joe on Full Frontal. | ||
| Me and Dom. | ||
| Like random. | ||
| Yeah, I did it with Dom. | ||
| I've never seen this before. | ||
| Oh, it's terrible. | ||
| Don't you dare play it. | ||
| He still leans forward when he screams. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm very flexible at the waist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| This is crazy. | ||
| I'd love to know what bit that is. | ||
| Do you know, Joe? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's probably terrible, though. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| It's something involving the penis. | ||
| Don't turn it, Brian. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop it. | |
| I do not. | ||
| Last thing I want to hear is my old standard. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Let's hear a minute. | ||
| Let's hear a minute. | ||
| Let's get the fuck out of here with that. | ||
| Let's hear a minute. | ||
| Minute. | ||
| One minute. | ||
| Go to Google. | ||
| Go YouTube it yourself. | ||
| I don't want to listen to myself, man. | ||
| The last thing I want to do. | ||
| Even my special, like, I didn't listen to it until last week. | ||
| I'd like a day to edit it. | ||
| And I watched it for the first time the night before. | ||
| Oh, this one? | ||
| It's just coming out? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I don't like watching myself. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| I do it for the purposes of working on material. | ||
| Like, I'll listen to recordings. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I do learn shit when I watch myself. | ||
| Like, what I think is more effective. | ||
| Like, what pauses are more effective or moves are more effective. | ||
| And you can incorporate what you figure out from watching yourself. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| It takes away from a lot of the fun of the improvisation of it all. | ||
| I don't want to watch myself. | ||
| Do you mind if we watch it? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you mind stepping out for a minute? | ||
| I cannot wait to watch it. | ||
| I'd never seen that before. | ||
| I brought you up in Montreal. | ||
| Yeah, Dom and I became friends because we did What was it called? | ||
| It might have been called The Danger Zone. | ||
| The Danger Zone? | ||
| Comedy from the Danger Zone or something like that? | ||
| Yeah, it was in Montreal at Club Soda. | ||
| And that was the first time I met you, I think. | ||
| Yeah, that was my first real TV credit, I think. | ||
| I think I did MTV Half-Hour Comedy Hour before that. | ||
| But I didn't really care about that one because I couldn't swear. | ||
| I just wanted to do a real one. | ||
| That was my first real set. | ||
| And then Dom and I met again at Amsterdam Billiards, and that's when we fell in love. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And we found out that we play pool. | ||
| Dom and I play pool. | ||
| We're regulars at a certain establishment that will remain unnamed. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| Look at that young chap from 1996. Sexy bastard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Looks like I got a wig on. | ||
| Look at the fucking moves he's got. | ||
| Look, no stomach. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I was 6'3, it'd be 64 inches long. | |
| What? | ||
| I don't even remember that. | ||
| What a cock, big boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| I read about this guy, he got hit by two trains in one day. | ||
| Alright, that's enough. | ||
| Now what, we're gonna watch me, we're not gonna watch you. | ||
| Listen, listen, we don't have to do that to you. | ||
| Isn't it weird, like, seeing a recorded version of yourself from a long time ago? | ||
| Yeah, especially when I was, like, 50 pounds lighter with a big head of hair. | ||
| Don Barrera, listen, what we need to do is get you a podcast, first of all. | ||
| I got a podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You've been on it. | ||
| I know, I know, I know, I know. | ||
| Listen, let me finish. | ||
| You have a podcast. | ||
| What I'm saying is we need to get you a podcast that just deals with you not drinking. | ||
| Alright, a podcast where you just, you get all, any, any, like, momentum you have, any motivation that you have to drink, any, like, Release a podcast about it. | ||
| Release a podcast about why you want to go have a drink or why you don't want to have a drink. | ||
| And I think people would be absolutely fascinated by the struggle of it all. | ||
| Because you're very open about it. | ||
| You're very honest about it. | ||
| Every time you've come on the podcast, when you haven't drank and you were telling me how great you feel. | ||
| And then now you're like, yeah, it's too fucking fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| I'll be your co-host and I'll try not to joke. | ||
| Well, I told, you know, like in Young Frankenstein, when Gene Wilder says, no matter what I say, do not open that door. | ||
| And he walks in to talk to the monster. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I said to Noel last night at the Laugh Factor, do not give me a drink, another drink, under any circumstances. | ||
| I come back ten minutes later, I'll take another drink. | ||
| He goes, I don't know what to do. | ||
| He told me not to give it to you. | ||
| I said, forget about what I said. | ||
| You gotta listen to me, I'm a drunk. | ||
| You can't, I mean, you can't keep like seesawing like that. | ||
| And I think maybe doing a podcast would be a good... | ||
| Catharsis? | ||
| Well, a good, sort of a method. | ||
| To try to stay sober, if you really want to. | ||
| I mean, if you don't want to, look, I mean, I would never try to go to Stanhope and tell him to sober up. | ||
| He doesn't want to do it. | ||
| I can't imagine him sober. | ||
| He doesn't want to do it. | ||
| And if he wanted to do it, he could do it. | ||
| He could do it anytime he wanted to. | ||
| He could do it tomorrow if he wanted to. | ||
| He could. | ||
| Mitch Hedberg was the one I tried to reach out to. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because he was killing us, obviously. | ||
| But I didn't know he was doing heroin. | ||
| Well, I think statistically heroin is safer than alcohol. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| I think alcohol is some really dangerous shit. | ||
| We just don't think it's dangerous because it's everywhere. | ||
| But it crushes your immune system. | ||
| But it also makes you feel great too. | ||
| Got a couple of whiskeys in you. | ||
| Sweet Home Alabama comes on you. | ||
| I think that's the secret. | ||
| It's going back to beer for me. | ||
| I think I need to just go... | ||
| I used to only drink beer and then I just got on this Jack Daniels kick out of nowhere. | ||
| And I'm just like, why am I drinking so much Jack? | ||
| I could throw almost 75% a bottle now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I think I'm like a gunfighter in the Old West. | ||
| I drink like whiskey now. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| What the hell is that about? | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It makes me feel like I'm alive. | ||
| I love that feeling down your throat. | ||
| Yeah, I had a shot last weekend before I went on stage in Seattle. | ||
| I did that Parlor Live. | ||
| You ever do that place up there? | ||
| What a great club. | ||
| That area of Seattle, Washington, it's called Bellevue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a suburb. | |
| It's fucking beautiful out there. | ||
| It's so nice. | ||
| Yeah, it's beautiful. | ||
| The Northwest is incredible. | ||
| And it's so, like, it's all, like, it's very, like, high-end stores, a nice area. | ||
| I guess that's where, like, Microsoft is or something. | ||
| Shitload of that paper up there. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, Mercer Island. | ||
| Making that big paper. | ||
| What's Mercer Island? | ||
| That's an island up there? | ||
| That's where my girlfriend from college lives, yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| She lives on an island? | ||
| I still go out there and give it one for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are these? | |
| One for the team, Joey. | ||
| One of these right there. | ||
| The girlfriend from college, you still slam it to her? | ||
| Nah, nah. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| She looks much older than me now. | ||
| You know what's sad? | ||
| We get so programmed. | ||
| No matter what I look like, I can't get a fucking heart on her unless the chick's young and hot. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Right. | ||
| I'm fucking done. | ||
| People will call you shallow for that. | ||
| I have to go to another country. | ||
| I am shallow. | ||
| I'm shallow. | ||
| I don't care what a girl's accomplished. | ||
| I care about her looks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't care what... | ||
| Oh, you got what? | ||
| A PhD in philosophy? | ||
| Talk to me, baby. | ||
| I'm hard as a rock. | ||
| Not sexually, right? | ||
| Not sexually. | ||
| I mean, I could be interested in a person. | ||
| Yeah, there's that quote. | ||
| Fuck, who said that quote, goddammit? | ||
| I forget who it was. | ||
| But he said, all I need from a woman is to be attracted to her, everything else I get from a man. | ||
| I think it was George Harrison. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I think it was George Harrison said that. | ||
| I think. | ||
| I've always attributed to George Harrison, but I did Google it and I couldn't find it. | ||
| But I remember reading it somewhere. | ||
| Really, really pretty positive. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons has a whole bit about it. | ||
| He has a whole bit about, like, if you really wanted to hang out with somebody. | ||
| If he was on a deserted island, he wouldn't want it to be a woman because he gets fucking bored of talking to her. | ||
| He's not compatible. | ||
| If you want to be attracted to a woman, unfortunately for the male reproductive system, our bodies get triggered by young, fertile women. | ||
| Isn't it amazing how interesting they become? | ||
| I can't believe you're so stupid and I find you riveting. | ||
| You never said an original thing in your life. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| It's just so crazy that our bodies are programmed to that, where rationally, your consciousness, the idea is if we're going to evolve, your consciousness should be able to look at that and go, I have nothing in common with this 23-year-old girl. | ||
| What I need to be doing is dating a 50-year-old woman like myself and go out and enjoy our last years together. | ||
| Come on, Grandma. | ||
| Let's go get a beer. | ||
| But the problem is, if you were still into sex, Your body, unfortunately, wants that in-shape body. | ||
| Your dick does not lie. | ||
| It doesn't lie. | ||
| It's like you feel so shallow and heartless. | ||
| But I am shallow. | ||
| I seriously am shallow. | ||
| I pride myself on my shallowity or whatever it is. | ||
| Shallowity. | ||
| Shallotaceousness. | ||
| Lack of depth at this. | ||
| The girls that are easy on the eyes are never easy on the heart, though. | ||
| Oh, Brian, you are beautiful. | ||
| You are a flower. | ||
| Easy there, Shakespeare. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The girls that are easy on the eyes are easy on the heart. | |
| I say unto thee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brian, you're a beautiful flower. | |
| The balls that fucking lecture us, you little prick, you sitting there with your fucking toilet seat. | ||
| Beauty on the eyes, Brian. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Have you been in love? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Twice today. | ||
| No, I mean real love, where you can't eat and sleep. | ||
| Yeah, I fall deep in love really fast, actually. | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| I mean, I have been kind of married four times in my life, but only legally married once. | ||
| Dom's been in some situations before. | ||
| He's had some struggles. | ||
| So horrible. | ||
| I can't even... | ||
| The whole thing with the house and all that other nonsense. | ||
| How many of them had green cards attached to it? | ||
| How many had green cards attached to it? | ||
| They were all citizens, I was proud to say. | ||
| Not of the United States, but... | ||
| Do you feel bad for a chick that has to date a comedian? | ||
| For the most part? | ||
| Why would you want to date... | ||
| Crazy fucking comedian. | ||
| Well, because comedians are like some of the brightest people I've ever met. | ||
| So I think that's the difference. | ||
| We're just going back to it. | ||
| They find that attractive. | ||
| You can get women because they're just shallow in a different way. | ||
| They couldn't be with a guy who's just a good guy. | ||
| They have to laugh. | ||
| Especially these models. | ||
| I remember working at the River Cafe when I was parking cars, and the models, nobody asked them out because they were too fucking hot. | ||
| So they were alone all the time. | ||
| Nobody was attracted to them. | ||
| I guess people were afraid of them. | ||
| They just didn't want to get shot down. | ||
| They didn't think they were. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Have you ever been in that situation before where you just felt like a girl was too good for you and you couldn't even try? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm that thick, no. | ||
| Never? | ||
| Even when you were younger? | ||
| No, I try everything, and I've gotten girls way out of my league just being funny and honesty. | ||
| Well, you've been a comedian for so fucking long, too. | ||
| It's like you probably don't remember what it's like to just be out there in the free world. | ||
| No, but I was better looking there. | ||
| So as I got... | ||
| Less good looking, I got richer and more famous. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So it kind of balanced off. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Especially if you go to like a third world country, you'll press the fuck out of those chicks. | ||
| Thailand? | ||
| I'm big. | ||
| Big in Thailand. | ||
| Big with the kids. | ||
| I enjoy it though. | ||
| I mean, you know, we talked about this a long time ago and I, you know, About how hard it is as a comedian, especially when you go on the road. | ||
| Because I try not to do anything with the waitstances. | ||
| Seriously, if I'm going to be with somebody, I'd rather be like some nut that works at the supermarket. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Selling her uniform on when she comes to the show. | |
| But for them, it's a thrill to get a guy like Dom Herrera. | ||
| It's like, oh, this crazy asshole's coming into town. | ||
| You get to toss their world upside down for a couple of days. | ||
| Give her a kiss on the cheek. | ||
| And you don't name drop. | ||
| You don't brag and name drop. | ||
| They love that. | ||
| They love when you don't. | ||
| How come you didn't tell me that? | ||
| Well, it didn't come up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's an interesting kind of trick because you're really withholding the bragging to make you look humble. | ||
| Humble brags. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| Have you ever seen humble brags on Twitter? | ||
| They're really funny. | ||
| I'm in the new humble brag book. | ||
| You're in the book? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I said something. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They just published this book and somebody's like, dude, you're in this book. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| I'll show you. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| What is that, though? | ||
| Is that a website? | ||
| No, it's like a Twitter tag, humblebrag, when someone says something like, wow, I can't believe I got nominated for this today. | ||
| I totally didn't expect this. | ||
| Meanwhile, yeah, you're just letting everybody know you got nominated with your fake, self-deprecating bullshit. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Right here. | ||
| It says, so Thursday I met... | ||
| John Mayer, Friday I'm at 50 Cent, at this rate tonight I'm smoking weed with Jim Morrison and Terry Schiavo. | ||
| How's that a humble, bro? | ||
| That's not a humble, bro. | ||
| That's a joke. | ||
| They're cunts. | ||
| I truly don't get what this means. | ||
| It has the cadence, what does it say? | ||
| It has the cadence. | ||
| It's cut off, whoever took this picture, but it really doesn't stack up. | ||
| Well, whoever wrote that is dumb. | ||
| You're a dumb person. | ||
| You don't understand what he's saying? | ||
| He's a regular guy who met some famous people you fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I truly don't get what this means. | |
| It means you're a cunt. | ||
| Yeah, I met John Mayer doing comedy, which was weird. | ||
| Yeah, he was doing comedy at the store for a while. | ||
| John Mayer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You asked me about Coney McShitballs? | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, what is this? | ||
| Louis C.K.'s character? | ||
| Louis C.K. We used to do a thing in Montreal. | ||
| It was so fucking funny. | ||
| Where, and Louis used to love... | ||
| Oh shit, that's... | ||
| Is that your phone? | ||
| Is that your phone? | ||
| Your phone is the Beatles? | ||
| What do you got, a band? | ||
| That's a good song. | ||
| I was like, damn. | ||
| Dom Herrera. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| He's got one of them old flip phones too, don't you? | ||
| No, I got an iPhone. | ||
| I got the first iPhone. | ||
| Dower has no navigation up in that car. | ||
| He has no idea where he's going. | ||
| I had to text him directions. | ||
| God help the people that were behind him as he was reading that shit. | ||
| People are Twittering. | ||
| Tweeting, rather. | ||
| Oh, you have it set up so that when people tweet to you, it goes to your phone? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| My goddaughter did it. | ||
| Oh, that's worse. | ||
| You want to change that right now? | ||
| Because these fucking animals just found that shit out. | ||
| That shit's going to kill your battery. | ||
| You better shut your phone off, son. | ||
| I am. | ||
| Or change your settings. | ||
| Yeah, shut that shit off, because it's going to explode when it comes back on. | ||
| They just found out they could get you. | ||
| People just found out they could reach you with just a tweet. | ||
| Do you understand that? | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| You can't let them do that. | ||
| You know, when I first... | ||
| Your phone will explode. | ||
| Can I tell you about Israel? | ||
| No, you just got back, right? | ||
| No, I didn't go. | ||
| But I didn't go. | ||
| Everybody in my family... | ||
| You know, when it peaked, right? | ||
| Remember when it peaked, like, the danger? | ||
| And they said they didn't know if there was going to be a war, and they started... | ||
| Bombs hit Tel Aviv and Jerusalem for the first time in 40 years. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay, so I had to make a decision, and Jeremy Hotz was coming with me, a terrific comedian in Canada, and I said, look, I'm going to pull out because my whole family doesn't want me to go. | ||
| All my friends don't want me to go. | ||
| And the guy says, but give me three days. | ||
| I said, what is this? | ||
| Fiddler on the roof? | ||
| Three days? | ||
| Like, what are you going to talk to the Palestinians? | ||
| You know, the promoter. | ||
| So he says, give me three days. | ||
| And I said, look. | ||
| He goes, don't watch the news. | ||
| It'll poison you. | ||
| I said, that's like saying a hurricane's coming. | ||
| Don't watch the weather channel. | ||
| It's depressing. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Anyway, so I canceled. | ||
| And given him enough time, there was an article in the Jerusalem Post about how, like, we didn't care about victims of terrorism. | ||
| It's just the opposite. | ||
| I only took the gig because it was helping people. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| An article about you that you don't care about? | ||
| It outed me and Jeremy. | ||
| And the guy who promoted it, I'm not going to name him, but he posted it four times. | ||
| And then he said he didn't realize what it was. | ||
| How about you write it down on a piece of paper and slide it over here and I'll name him? | ||
| No, I don't want to do that. | ||
| He's not worth it. | ||
| Well, okay, let's not name him then. | ||
| But any asshole that gets mad at you because you don't want to go to a war. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My brother is a colonel in the Marines, my brother Joe. | ||
| He's almost a general. | ||
| He's done that house-to-house combat. | ||
| Crazy shit. | ||
| I told you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He told me. | ||
| He goes, hold on a second. | ||
| He looked something up on the computer, hot spots in the world. | ||
| He goes, I'd take a rain check on this one. | ||
| He told me not to go. | ||
| He told you not to go. | ||
| And he said it because my other brother said, all right, your caring brother says one thing. | ||
| Let's call the crazy brother. | ||
| And the crazy one said don't go. | ||
| Yeah, you know what the issue is Dom? | ||
| It's like, so far everything has been, the casualties have been kept at least mildly in check. | ||
| But it doesn't mean that someone can't do something fucking crazy. | ||
| And it might not happen. | ||
| And it might be, you know, a few people die here. | ||
| A few people respond and die here. | ||
| It might be the way it's coming on. | ||
| Or it might be an event. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm totally sympathetic to these people, too. | ||
| It's not like I do care. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| The situation's horrific. | ||
| Joe, you know what I was afraid of? | ||
| Not getting bombed. | ||
| That's so random. | ||
| I was afraid of the airport getting bombed. | ||
| Getting stuck. | ||
| Yeah, getting stuck there. | ||
| You have to think about that. | ||
| Because it's not like I can go to Damascus and catch a flight. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not like, you know, if you're in Europe and an airline goes on, Air France goes on strike, you just drive to Spain. | ||
| But it ain't like that in the Middle East. | ||
| It's not like that at all. | ||
| And that is one of the tactics that people use. | ||
| If they're attacking a city, they'll attack the airport. | ||
| So they can't get in good. | ||
| Yeah, you hit the runways. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| Look, it's a very, very volatile situation. | ||
| And you could have gone over there and you could have been fine. | ||
| Or you could have gone over there and you could have died. | ||
| It's like that's reality in those parts of the world. | ||
| It's like We have this sort of ridiculous notion that because we're safe over here, because we don't really have to think about that shit too much. | ||
| Well, the world is smaller now. | ||
| There was a time when it did mean a lot. | ||
| Like, you know, the fact that we were isolated over here, away from Europe and Asia, you know, as far as fighting. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There was a time when, now, everything's so instantaneous, they could get inside. | ||
| Terrorists could do something here if they wanted to. | ||
| Someone's been watching Homeland. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I haven't seen Homeland. | ||
| It's a good fucking show. | ||
| I was with one of the leads last week, not to be a name dropper because I don't even remember his name, but Russell Peters, we went out to dinner to be a name dropper. | ||
| Russell Peters knows everyone famous. | ||
| He's fucking hilarious. | ||
| You see how smooth he is? | ||
| Hey, I'm having a party. | ||
| Here's my number, Mix Master Mike. | ||
| Come over. | ||
| He's the only one that brought a posse to my podcast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I said, Russell, you're bringing a fucking posse to the podcast? | ||
| He brings posses everywhere. | ||
| He brought a posse to the ice house, too. | ||
| Can I plug that podcast? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's Dom Rara Live from the Lab Factory. | ||
| Let's talk about doing another podcast. | ||
| Let's talk about doing the Sobriety Chronicles. | ||
| I'm telling you, it would be hilarious. | ||
| And it would be a method to keep you from drinking. | ||
| I know you don't want to drink. | ||
| Because I know how you felt when you weren't drinking. | ||
| When we were talking, when we were playing pool, you were like, I feel better. | ||
| It's nice to not feel like shit. | ||
| I even felt quicker in ping pong. | ||
| I'm sure you did. | ||
| That's how much better I felt. | ||
| Dom, you don't have to drink to have a good time at these clubs. | ||
| I'm not saying that you should try pot, because you don't need to even change your state of consciousness if you don't want to. | ||
| Can I still do Xanax? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| You tell me. | ||
| You want one? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| These are good. | ||
| I don't want that stuff. | ||
| I'm telling you, Joe. | ||
| I don't know, though. | ||
| Listen, I'm sure. | ||
| I don't need that. | ||
| It's hanging out at the club. | ||
| It's impossible not to drink. | ||
| I try it every day. | ||
| I'm at a comic club and you just see everyone else drinking. | ||
| Everyone's laughing and having fun. | ||
| How about when you're on the road? | ||
| I went to the Laugh Factory last night and I had some water. | ||
| You can go up and have fun, man. | ||
| You don't need to have a drink. | ||
| This is my life. | ||
| I'm in Australia. | ||
| I'm at the Sydney Opera House. | ||
| One week. | ||
| The next week I'm at Mr. Magooby's joke house. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I'm alone. | ||
| But the girls are nice. | ||
| I'm having a drink with them. | ||
| What do I do? | ||
| Go back to my... | ||
| Well, sometimes it's fun. | ||
| Look, I'm not saying you shouldn't drink. | ||
| I love drinking. | ||
| No, but I agree with you. | ||
| But I don't do it every day. | ||
| Yeah, but you're in a lot fucking better shape than me. | ||
| You know, you can drink. | ||
| I shouldn't drink. | ||
| Well, even me. | ||
| I feel it. | ||
| I feel it when I drink. | ||
| And I feel the difference in my body. | ||
| It's just not good for you. | ||
| It's not smart. | ||
| And I don't have an issue with it. | ||
| I can take it or leave it. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like it with a meal. | ||
| I like some wine with a meal. | ||
| But I can take it or leave it. | ||
| What I think is important though is when you can't take something or leave it, when you have to take it, Yeah. | ||
| That's sort of a situation where you've got to really worry, well, what is this thing doing to me? | ||
| Is this thing that I can't take? | ||
| Is it helping me? | ||
| Do I feel better? | ||
| Or is it fucking with my whole life? | ||
| And for you, I think it fucks with your whole life. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| And I love you. | ||
| And I love seeing that you were sober. | ||
| And I'm not Captain Save-A-Ho. | ||
| I mean, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do. | ||
| You know how I am. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| I mean, I give people advice if they want it. | ||
| And you and I have had this... | ||
| I've had this conversation many, many times, and I never really told you what you should do or shouldn't do. | ||
| I sort of just let you talk and ask you questions. | ||
| But if you wanted my advice, my advice would say, you've got to stop drinking. | ||
| It's not good for you. | ||
| But I look great. | ||
| Good. | ||
| It's one of those things. | ||
| Some people can have a drink every now and again. | ||
| And some people can't do that. | ||
| All of a sudden, it creeps up and becomes your whole day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it doesn't become... | ||
| But it does... | ||
| It's definitely creeped back up. | ||
| But for you, you were doing, like, drinks in the morning, like... | ||
| Oh, that was a while ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that became your whole day, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| Not my whole day. | ||
| I mean, I would do a drink in the morning on a plane. | ||
| But I wasn't sitting at home having shots before I got out of bed. | ||
| Not, you know, not like last weekend kind of thing. | ||
| Were you drinking alone? | ||
| See, I can't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't drink alone. | |
| Oh, I love it. | ||
| Why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I think of you. | ||
| I think of you sitting on a toilet. | ||
| I mean, look, for a lot of people that like their drink, they're like, this is annoying, man. | ||
| Let the guy be himself. | ||
| Let the guy drink. | ||
| I appreciate it, man. | ||
| I know when you're reaching out a little bit, and I know when you keep mentioning this stuff, it's not because it's not fucking with you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, we go to that pool hall, I don't need to drink. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I'm fine. | ||
| I mean, I'm fine, you know, just racking the balls for you. | ||
| Gets me a good shame. | ||
| Well, you... | ||
| You know, you start playing better, too. | ||
| Everything works better. | ||
| So, look, drinking is fun. | ||
| I enjoy it. | ||
| I enjoy it. | ||
| But it's goddamn bad on the body. | ||
| Nobody ever says something like, boy, you look good. | ||
| What, are you drinking again? | ||
| You really got it together. | ||
| But it's not, you know, they say like a glass of wine every night. | ||
| It's not even bad for you. | ||
| As a matter of fact, it might be beneficial. | ||
| An ounce of alcohol, whether it's in a beer, wine, or it's supposed to be good for your circulation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, people used to drink wine with food because they thought it prevented food poisoning, prevented traveler's poisoning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah? | |
| Traveler's sickness, they would call it. | ||
| Because back then, when they were traveling around, those assholes were drinking wine out of animal skins and shit like that. | ||
| They made these flasks out of animal skins. | ||
| That's how they drank their wines. | ||
| Well, I rationalize, too, because I'll go, well, I only had two drinks, but they're two martinis with like eight shots each, and they're two jumbo drinks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you imagine how hard it must have been to carry food back then? | ||
| I mean, they probably all got food sickness. | ||
| How long does meat stay good? | ||
| A couple of hours after you kill it? | ||
| Do you have a day? | ||
| What do you have when it's 80 degrees outside? | ||
| Do you have two days? | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's what cracks me up about people bitching about a plane being a half hour late and comedians. | ||
| I was actually trying to write a bit about it because the idea of taking a year To go across the country and get stuck at the Donner Pass because it's snowing. | ||
| Imagine, like, where are you going? | ||
| I've got to go to bed. | ||
| I've got a gig at San Francisco. | ||
| When? | ||
| Next June. | ||
| In a year. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| You better get some rest. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| We just take it like, fuck, a half hour late. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| Well, you want to really wrap your head around a crazy number? | ||
| Here's the craziest number. | ||
| Between the invention... | ||
| Of the airplane and the dropping of an atomic bomb from the airplane is less than 50 years. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Talk about a life-changing rat. | ||
| Hitler fucked up. | ||
| Hitler fucked up. | ||
| He should have never alienated the Jews. | ||
| They won it for us. | ||
| Wernher von Braun. | ||
| Well, yeah, well, Oppenheimer, right? | ||
| He was the guy that created... | ||
| Wernher von Braun was the NASA guy. | ||
| Wasn't he the guy that did the atom bomb? | ||
| No, that's Oppenheimer. | ||
| Wernher von Braun was the guy who supposedly got us on the moon. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| He's the guy from Operation Paperclip. | ||
| All the best Nazi scientists from... | ||
| Were Jewish. | ||
| Were Jewish? | ||
| Weren't they at first? | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| They came over and they took care of that. | ||
| I don't know if they were or not. | ||
| But all the best Nazi scientists were sort of distributed between Russia and the United States. | ||
| After World War II. And America started with Wernher von Braun. | ||
| They got Wernher von Braun and all these different Nazi dudes under Operation Paperclip. | ||
| But they were all like legit Nazis. | ||
| That's one of the dark secrets of the American space program. | ||
| It was run by Nazis. | ||
| Wernher von Braun was a legit Nazi. | ||
| Like, if he was alive today, the Simon Wiesenthal Center said they would prosecute him for crimes against humanity. | ||
| Apparently, he had a rocket factory in Berlin. | ||
| And there was this guy who did this documentary on the moon landings. | ||
| And he interviewed people that worked in the rocket factory. | ||
| This guy had tattoos from being in the concentration camp. | ||
| And he talked about how Wernher von Braun, like, they would hang the five slowest Jews in front of the rocket factory every day. | ||
| Like, it was, like, really dark, dark, dark shit. | ||
| How could you hate that much? | ||
| It's not. | ||
| I mean, that's beyond hate. | ||
| That's like inhumanity. | ||
| It's like that regime, that Nazi regime, that ruthlessness also yielded some incredible science. | ||
| I mean, the scientific achievements, just in the rocketry and engine building and, you know, the shit that they were able to do. | ||
| And then Russia scooped some of them up and we scooped some of them up. | ||
| And that's where NASA came from. | ||
| But the atomic bomb was invented here, wasn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Manhattan Project. | ||
| Yeah, that was Oppenheimer. | ||
| He was... | ||
| I mean, it sounds pretty Jewish. | ||
| Is Oppenheimer Jewish? | ||
| It must be, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Of course? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Oppenheimer? | ||
| Of course, let's not forget the best... | ||
| Speaking of Jews, on Christmas Eve, I'm doing a synagogue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Doing a synagogue and the Laugh Factory has a show, a Jewish show. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Where do you have a gig on New Year's Eve? | ||
| Where you at? | ||
| I'm at Good Nights in North Carolina. | ||
| Oh, that's right, yeah. | ||
| Which I'm really looking forward to. | ||
| Not only the club, but my family's down there. | ||
| And I got a lot of friends in Raleigh. | ||
| I'm looking to see if he was Jewish. | ||
| It does not say. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| We showed this on a podcast before, though, this Nazi experiment with the dog head. | ||
| Yeah, they had electrical impulses into the dog head and made it move after it was detached from the body. | ||
| Yeah, they did some... | ||
| Look, that looks real right there. | ||
| I think that dog is alive. | ||
| Dude, they did some crazy shit. | ||
| The Nazis did some crazy shit. | ||
| And they were really obsessed with the occult. | ||
| That's really weird. | ||
| I wonder how much of it is revisionist bullshit that these reality TV shows try to do, these sort of half-documentary-type shows. | ||
| I love Ancient Aliens, a fun show, but the reality is they get a lot of shit wrong. | ||
| They're not trying to be super-duper accurate about some of their stuff. | ||
| And so, like, when they say something like that, that the Nazis were really into the occult, I really wish I knew how much into the occult they were. | ||
| That was a theme of, like, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. | ||
| You know, remember Raiders of the Lost Ark, when they found the Ark of the Covenant? | ||
| That was supposed to be the Nazis were after all this occult shit. | ||
| Apparently they had, like, a reputation. | ||
| I really should educate myself on that. | ||
| Find out how deep that was and what the fuck that was all about. | ||
| But this guy, Oppenheimer, one of the creepiest things... | ||
| Are you looking at that now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When he blew up the nuclear bomb, he quoted the Bhagavad Gita. | ||
| This is ancient Hindu religious text. | ||
| He said, now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Could you imagine standing next to a dude who's so fucking smart that he... | ||
| He created an atomic bomb. | ||
| Like his inventions gave birth to the atomic bomb. | ||
| And then you're standing next to him while it blows up and he quotes that kind of shit. | ||
| Like he's happy about it. | ||
| He's not happy. | ||
| He wasn't happy at all. | ||
| He thought it was a terrible, terrible mistake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, a lot of these guys that are scientists, the real issue is in becoming a scientist, you're pursuing... | ||
| You're pursuing the measurement of different experiments, and you're trying to invent and create with technology. | ||
| But at a certain point in time, you must know that if you continue down this path, it's going to lead to insane amounts of people dying. | ||
| It's a battle now, because as a scientist, as a person who's trying to achieve a goal, you want to see if you can be the first person to do this. | ||
| You want to see if you can be the first person to split an atom inside a bomb and lead to this incredible explosion of energy. | ||
| You want to do that. | ||
| But then you have to realize, like, wow, if I do do that, what the fuck am I really doing? | ||
| Like, I am the only way this can get done. | ||
| And then there's the argument, well, if you don't do it, the Nazis are going to do it. | ||
| We have to do it first. | ||
| That's what the argument was. | ||
| That's what the argument was. | ||
| And so this guy was caught in there, and he got there first. | ||
| And when he said that, that became one of the creepiest quotes ever attributed to anybody that's responsible for anything really monumental. | ||
| I had read that a lot of the... | ||
| The scientists we got were Jews who left Nazi Germany when they could get out. | ||
| I bet there was that too. | ||
| I'm sure there was that as well. | ||
| I mean, that's Einstein. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think the rocketry program in particular, NASA got a lot of... | ||
| They were still real Germans, not just Jewish Germans. | ||
| No, they were Nazis. | ||
| It was Operation Paperclip. | ||
| I mean, how many of them were Nazis because their families were forced into that because they were stuck there? | ||
| How many of them were Nazis because they were really fucking psychopath creeps? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| How many of them actually were responsible for murder? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I would love to know what he was saying, though, because you've got to admit, the guy was a riveting performer, Hitler. | ||
| He was a charismatic speaker. | ||
| I mean, I thought, did you ever see pictures of Khrushchev? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| When he took his shoe off and banged him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We will bury you! | |
| Who the fuck takes their shoe off at a UN meeting and starts banging? | ||
| Do you remember that fear that we had? | ||
| You know, there was a fear of being in a nuclear war with Russia. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And it was all the time. | ||
| We always felt it. | ||
| In the 80s, especially because there was no internet back then, we didn't know what the fuck was really going on. | ||
| The button, the red phone, the president had that power. | ||
| But you would get your news from either newspapers or the news shows. | ||
| That's where you got your news. | ||
| I wonder if it ever came close to a nuclear war. | ||
| Well, they say that the Bay of Pigs got pretty close. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did you ever hear about the Russian sleep experiment that they did back in the, I want to say, yeah, 1940s? | ||
| They wanted to keep five prisoners awake. | ||
| I meant the Cuban Missile Crisis, not Bay of Pigs. | ||
| But no, what did they do? | ||
| They wanted to keep five people awake. | ||
| They took five prisoners, and they said, like, hey, we want to do some experiments on you, and we'll let you go. | ||
| So for, I think, the first five days, everyone was kind of, you know, Fine. | ||
| And then it went from them screaming for hours at a time, like, get me out of here! | ||
| And they had microphones in this pen. | ||
| It was like a sealed kind of thing that had no windows. | ||
| And they had microphones so they could record everybody, what they talked about. | ||
| And they started going crazy. | ||
| They started screaming and everything. | ||
| They were pumping this room fill of some gas, some test gas that they were trying to keep soldiers up for 10 days at a time. | ||
| And so then all the people started screaming. | ||
| Then they were quiet. | ||
| Then all the scientists were like, I think the microphones aren't working. | ||
| They're not making any noises at all. | ||
| And so they go in there and all the people are just very calm. | ||
| They didn't want to leave anymore and stuff like that. | ||
| And then when the experiment was over, Wouldn't leave like they were like fighting like they wanted to stay in this chamber they started people start like I guess people started like killing themselves because they didn't want to go like ripping their throats out and stuff like yeah and there's there's a video on YouTube called what is the exact name of the Russian sleep experiment it's on it's on YouTube and there's a video I think it's what the microphones recorded I'm remembering this now, | ||
| but I think I might have, in my own head, incorporated it into that. | ||
| Do you remember that movie, In the Mouth of Madness? | ||
| No. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| It was a movie about a dude who was an author who went fucking crazy, and I think I attributed some of the aspects of his... | ||
| The book had some weird power over people. | ||
| When they read the book, they'd get sucked into this crazy world, like the world around them would change. | ||
| Really fascinating book. | ||
| I forget who wrote it. | ||
| I want to say it's Stephen King, but it's not. | ||
| The mouth of madness. | ||
| Yeah, there's a website called creepypasta.wikia. | ||
| Whatever, just type in the Russian sleep experiment, and there's the whole story, and he breaks it down per hour, and then how people just, they started going crazy, and... | ||
| That movie, In the Mouth of Madness, is a John Carpenter movie. | ||
| Creepy ass movie. | ||
| It's a really good movie. | ||
| But for some reason I incorporated that. | ||
| I guess that is like a real news story. | ||
| I incorporated that in my memory. | ||
| It just goes to show you how memories can be faulty as fuck. | ||
| I incorporated that reality into a fake memory. | ||
| I guess one of the people were hurt and they tried to give him anesthesia and the guy was like, I must remain awake. | ||
| I must stay awake. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's interesting, though. | ||
| When you get a chance to read this whole thing. | ||
| Are you sure this is not fiction? | ||
| I always thought it was real. | ||
| I've heard that there's people that questioned it based on the YouTube video. | ||
| Because the YouTube video is just the microphone, so I think a lot of people are like, hey, that's not real. | ||
| Somebody's just bullshitting. | ||
| At one point, they do start screaming and running around and stuff. | ||
| But I never really researched it. | ||
| It's something... | ||
| That I heard a long time ago. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| But, yeah. | ||
| I'm sure the internet will tell me if it's real or not soon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If it's on the internet, it's got to be true. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, I want to find out if this is true. | ||
| Should I go to Snopes? | ||
| Is the Russian sleep experiment true? | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Yeah, I need to find this out because we have to make sure that we don't spread disinformation. | ||
| People get so aggro with correcting us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, you're spreading false weed knowledge. | |
| I try, folks. | ||
| I try so hard to get shit right. | ||
| One dude got mad because I called hemp a cousin of marijuana. | ||
| Meanwhile it says it's a cousin like everywhere online, everywhere you read. | ||
| Just Google cousin hemp marijuana. | ||
| Don't they get marijuana from him? | ||
| BBC has it. | ||
| It's a strain. | ||
| It's a different strain and it's the male of the species and I understand that. | ||
| And this guy was saying that I was spreading disinformation. | ||
| It's like people are like jumping up trying to catch you saying something wrong. | ||
| So when we have something like this This is a nice way to say things, folks. | ||
| And if something's wrong, say, hey, I think maybe there's a dispute about the definition of this. | ||
| Or, hey, maybe you didn't know, but even though everybody calls it a cousin, it's something else. | ||
| Or, hey, maybe... | ||
| Be nice, folks. | ||
| Don't be all cunty. | ||
| Stop with the disinformation! | ||
| You're doing it on purpose. | ||
| I have two friends that are lawyers, and one of them always ends the argument by going, you're wrong. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| So that shuts it all down. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| You're wrong. | ||
| Those guys are just so gross. | ||
| Can't you have a conversation, you weak bitch? | ||
| Have a conversation with someone who has a completely different point of view from you and take it in. | ||
| Take it in. | ||
| That's why I don't talk politics. | ||
| Because I've never seen anybody go at the end of a political discussion, you know what? | ||
| You've got a good point. | ||
| I think I'm going to change my mind. | ||
| There's an issue with a lot of men, socially, when it comes to arguing about things. | ||
| And that issue is they're trying to win. | ||
| They're not comfortable with themselves enough to just be themselves. | ||
| They're trying to establish societal dominance. | ||
| They're trying to establish a social dominance. | ||
| I have a friend, okay? | ||
| Just a very nice person who has a husband. | ||
| Just pin the name over. | ||
| Who has a husband. | ||
| And when I'm forced to interact with this guy, it always becomes this weird thing where he tries to brag about something. | ||
| And it's this weird social thing. | ||
| And it might be like, He'll try to crack a subtle joke at you. | ||
| But whatever it is, it's this weird, uncomfortable posturing thing that goes on. | ||
| And so when I'm around him, I always treat it like a research subject. | ||
| I always like, wait, what throws it off exactly? | ||
| What do we have to do to get them to stop? | ||
| What should I do this time? | ||
| Should I just agree with them? | ||
| You're amazing. | ||
| Just say, you are a really amazing guy. | ||
| Your wife is so fortunate. | ||
| You changed my life. | ||
| Make them really uncomfortable. | ||
| Can we hang out together more? | ||
| Because I think I can learn from you. | ||
| There's just something about you. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| That's so passive-aggressive, you know? | ||
| Do you mock them or do you call them out on it? | ||
| I wouldn't call them out. | ||
| I think it's like the guy with the Israel thing. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| When I found out that he posted this thing four times, I called him up and I said, you know, I really look forward to working with you again. | ||
| I understand you're coming in today. | ||
| If you need, I could send a car for you at the airport or I could pick you up myself. | ||
| Totally just being fucking evil. | ||
| I was, you know. | ||
| But instead of like going, fuck you, and then he's got that recorded. | ||
| It's like, hey man, thank you for doing that. | ||
| I appreciate the exposure in Israel. | ||
| Look, it's indefensible. | ||
| The fact this guy wanted you to fly into a war zone is fucking nuts. | ||
| To tell some jokey jokes, the guy's an asshole. | ||
| He didn't like the fact that he had given his deposit back or whatever the fuck went wrong. | ||
| But guess what, dude? | ||
| That's part of what goes on when you're dealing with shit in a war zone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| And it's not the fucking entertainer's fault that they don't want to fly into a fucking war zone. | ||
| And the writer apologized and he said, we've got to be careful not to get comedians that are skittish. | ||
| So in other words, You know, I'm sorry for what I said, but these guys are pussies. | ||
| Skittish. | ||
| Skittish. | ||
| Yeah, you know, I don't think you use the word skittish when there's bombs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He's skittish around bombs. | ||
| If there's actual bombs going off, you can't. | ||
| I get anxiety attacks when I'm getting shot at. | ||
| Is it a real war? | ||
| Oh, it's a real war. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| I think you might be a little harsh. | ||
| Skittish, you judgmental cunt face. | ||
| Where does this guy live? | ||
| That shit's not real. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| The guy who booked this shit. | ||
| Oh, here. | ||
| He lives here. | ||
| Oh, oh, yeah. | ||
| He doesn't live there. | ||
| He doesn't go over there, does he? | ||
| Yeah, he goes over, but he doesn't live here. | ||
| Fucking pussy. | ||
| How dare he? | ||
| Everyone's saying that Russian shit's fake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| From 2009, it was just like this viral thing that went around. | ||
| It's a fictional piece of work. | ||
| It appears to have started spreading in a viral fashion sometime in 2009. Meanwhile, we were just contributing to disinformation, Brian! | ||
| You're part of the problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I told you, Brian is fucking Illuminati! | |
| That's good. | ||
| It's a nice story, though. | ||
| At least you called yourself for it. | ||
| It's good and creepy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was good and creepy. | |
| I remember it from a while ago and I just remember reading it and going, that's crazy. | ||
| I guess it's just a cool... | ||
| It's not even a hoax, apparently. | ||
| It was just a piece of fiction. | ||
| I like this provididol? | ||
| Provigil. | ||
| Yeah, I could feel it. | ||
| I feel wide awake right now. | ||
| Oh, you took it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going to kick in even later. | ||
| See if your pulse is elevated. | ||
| No. | ||
| We learned about this shit from powerful Dave Asprey and powerful Tim Ferriss. | ||
| It's an eye. | ||
| I just feel awake though. | ||
| I will say no more. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are those guys comedians? | ||
| See if it works. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's one of the cool things about having this podcast is that I get to hang out and talk to all these dudes way off the beaten path that I would never get to communicate with. | ||
| Like this guy Dave Asprey, I would guess you would call him a human performance expert. | ||
| And he runs a tech company, but on top of that, he also has this website that he puts out all this information about health and Fitness and he does these brain hacking things. | ||
| How'd you find him? | ||
| Just met him online, man. | ||
| Met him through communicating online. | ||
| You know, people recommended his work and then you check him out. | ||
| We had the guy in here. | ||
| He's a fucking super creepy genius. | ||
| He was one of those crazy Podcasts where after it's over, you've got to go back with a piece of paper and write down shit and Google things. | ||
| It was a crazy podcast. | ||
| I learned a lot of stuff. | ||
| What are the odds of getting a chance to talk to a guy like that if you didn't have a podcast like this? | ||
| How would you get someone to sit down with you for three hours and talk about shit? | ||
| I'm always amazed by the mind. | ||
| I used to teach school until fourth grade, and I was amazed at how kids had different intelligence. | ||
| I remember I was really bad at math, but I knew every... | ||
| The batting average of the top ten players in the American National League, without even thinking about it, I knew the earned run average of the pitchers. | ||
| Isn't that incredible? | ||
| The way your mind accepts things. | ||
| I was fucking retarded in math. | ||
| Yeah, I always loved that I knew Marvin Hagler's record. | ||
| I knew who he lost to, what the decision was. | ||
| I knew Duran's record. | ||
| I could read you back. | ||
| Where he had his first loss, when he beat Ken Buchanan to get the title. | ||
| Did you watch that whole fight the other night? | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| That was crazy. | ||
| It was crazy the way he walked into it. | ||
| You can't let down. | ||
| You can't make that instantaneous mistake in boxing. | ||
| I think he's got his attention very stretched as well. | ||
| There's a bunch of issues with Pacquiao, I think. | ||
| I think one of the big issues is that he's like... | ||
| I don't think we can even wrap our heads around how famous that guy is. | ||
| Oh, in the Philippines? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's like a god. | ||
| He could be president. | ||
| He could be president of the Philippines. | ||
| So there's that. | ||
| And being a congressman over there, who knows what kind of crazy fucking pressure that guy's under. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| And then on top of that, he's trying to train. | ||
| And then on top of that, he's super famous. | ||
| So he's got to constantly be doing media things. | ||
| Constantly be doing interviews. | ||
| Constantly talking to people. | ||
| And then on top of that, he has a family. | ||
| That's a lot of shit. | ||
| I don't know if you could really do that. | ||
| I think you could do it for a little while because you were so good at boxing to begin with. | ||
| But I think he's at a point where his skills have started to slip because of the fact that he's not putting the same amount of focus into it as he was. | ||
| He's got too many distractions. | ||
| And then on top of that, he's had a lot of wars. | ||
| He's had a lot of crazy fights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he wasn't getting hit too much in other fights, but man, these goddamn Marquez fights. | ||
| Marquez just has his number. | ||
| Some guys just have your number. | ||
| But didn't you think he was winning up to that point? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| But he did get knocked down. | ||
| And he got knocked down with one punch. | ||
| And that was the first time. | ||
| The first time he got knocked down, he got knocked down in the fourth, maybe? | ||
| And then he got knocked out in the sixth. | ||
| One second to go. | ||
| That's the cleanest punch I've ever seen a quick guy take. | ||
| Like a guy at that kind of lightning speed. | ||
| Because he really walked into it flush. | ||
| You couldn't hit a guy any more perfect. | ||
| Marquez just drilled it down the middle. | ||
| Brilliant placement. | ||
| And when you see the impact of it, we were watching it in Dana White's dressing room. | ||
| And when you see the impact of Pacquiao's head fly back, you were like... | ||
| He fell down face first. | ||
| And then you see him fall down face first. | ||
| We all just leapt up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We were like, whoa! | |
| Like, who saw that coming? | ||
| Because Pacquiao was moving in on him. | ||
| Like, he had hurt Marquez before that. | ||
| Yeah, he got a little too cocky. | ||
| Got a little too cocky. | ||
| See, I would love to hit somebody like that without fear of getting hit back. | ||
| Well, that's what I've always said. | ||
| Like, people say, like, hey, man, why don't you fight, man? | ||
| Why don't you fight MMA? First of all, everybody wants to beat people up. | ||
| No one wants to fight. | ||
| Everybody that says things like that, you don't know what a fight is. | ||
| A fight is he gets to do that to you too, stupid. | ||
| It's not a matter of, if I can kick ass, I just go in there and kick ass. | ||
| Then people who can also kick ass are going to kick your ass. | ||
| You understand that, right? | ||
| You have to be ready for the craziest fucking competition known to man. | ||
| That's what you're doing. | ||
| He's a professional fighter. | ||
| He trains as a fighter. | ||
| You can't just go kick ass, okay? | ||
| It doesn't work that way, dude. | ||
| You know what's funny about people that talk about... | ||
| This guy used to say, I'll fucking throw you through a wall. | ||
| First of all, when's the last time you were in a fight? | ||
| Second grade. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, these guys, they talk about fighting all the time. | ||
| I'll fucking kill. | ||
| I'll break your fucking head. | ||
| You never did anything. | ||
| Are you fighting Kool-Aid? | ||
| A whole series? | ||
| Hey, Kool-Aid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha, ha, ha, ha. | |
| There's a whole series of dudes I've met throughout my life who've told me that they can't lose because of their mentality. | ||
| Oh, yeah, right. | ||
| It's this thing that guys will tell you. | ||
| This fucking guy, it was a year ago a guy told me. | ||
| He goes, I tell you what, man, if I dedicated myself to MMA, if I dedicated myself, I would dominate. | ||
| Because dude... | ||
| My mentality is, I cannot lose. | ||
| How about getting hit here? | ||
| Get hit here on this nerve and see how you can lose. | ||
| And I have to sit there when a guy says something like that and just nod and go, okay, yeah, well, good luck with that mentality. | ||
| But you don't understand my mentality. | ||
| I cannot lose. | ||
| When I get that in my head... | ||
| Just make sure you don't fight anybody. | ||
| They always invade your space when they're telling you this. | ||
| Do you ever get people challenging you? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm super friendly. | ||
| I'm not very standoffish at all. | ||
| I know you are. | ||
| You're great with people. | ||
| But if someone like those kind of guys, if you challenge them, if you want to get in an altercation with a dude, you can say something and they will probably hit you. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are just running around looking for someone to hit. | ||
| I told you that Ray Mancini story, right? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| He came to see me at the improv with his wife and his kids. | ||
| And then when I got off, he came out to talk to me. | ||
| This guy comes up and he goes, Hey Ray, boom boom Mancini. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| He gets all excited. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, Hey Ray, can you hit me? | |
| And he goes, what? | ||
| And I go, look, man. | ||
| He goes, yeah, I want to see what it feels like to get hit by a professional boxer. | ||
| Just hit me. | ||
| I go, look, man, he can't hit you. | ||
| He's the nicest fucking guy in the world. | ||
| He can't hit you. | ||
| And the guy goes, oh, come on. | ||
| He goes, all right, well, can I hit you then? | ||
| And I go, will you get the fuck out of here? | ||
| Can I hit you then? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Can I hit you then? | ||
| Can I give you a shot just to show you how strong I am? | ||
| I'm just on the arm. | ||
| I had a guy ask me if he could carry me once. | ||
| He goes, what? | ||
| Carry me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Carry you? | |
| Was it raining outside? | ||
| He put his jacket down over the puddle. | ||
| He wanted to take a picture with me and he wanted to hold me. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| And that's how he said it too. | ||
| He said, can I carry you? | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| No. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with you, man? | ||
| He was a big giant dude. | ||
| He was this big, he looked like he was a Native American. | ||
| Long hair, long dark hair. | ||
| Scary as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Juicy food. | |
| You know, you have a problem with that guy. | ||
| It would take a while. | ||
| There's a question that stands alone. | ||
| Can I carry you? | ||
| Come on, crazy. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| He's probably like 6'8", 6'9", big giant dude. | ||
| Wanted to pick people up in pictures. | ||
| That's his thing. | ||
| A strange fetish, but understandable. | ||
| Well, you know, and that's what you got, you know? | ||
| It's a funny thing when people, like, you know, they're, like, super proud of, like, a physical attribute that they were, you know, sort of born with, like, being, like, really crazy tall. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know how tall I am. | ||
| I'm just pretty fucking tall, so I just walk in. | ||
| Being tall and all, and, like... | ||
| It's a strange thing. | ||
| You know, I suspect guys with big dicks have that too. | ||
| Yeah, we do. | ||
| I'm happy that they got a big dick. | ||
| But listen, man, you could have easily been born with a micro dicks that you laugh at online. | ||
| That dude didn't ask for that dick. | ||
| You didn't ask for your dick. | ||
| You're lucky. | ||
| What is that that you're showing in the corner? | ||
| People are saying that you are an undercover Russian spy or something like that. | ||
| How's that? | ||
| So I'm showing the KGB logo. | ||
| Why are they saying I'm an undercover Russian spy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| How the fuck am I being an undercover Russian spy? | ||
| You get a lot of tweets during the show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fun to watch live feedback. | ||
| Joe doesn't like it. | ||
| Well, the problem is they will entertain your thoughts with a lot of negative shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're inviting... | ||
| I mean, every now and then it might be fun, but you're inviting too many options. | ||
| Do people really think you're a reptilian or all that shit? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do really people believe that you're some part of the... | ||
| Yeah, the Illuminati. | ||
| I'm sure there's some... | ||
| Look, there's a lot of people that are what you call paranoid schizophrenics. | ||
| And that's legit. | ||
| And that's not like a small percentage of our population. | ||
| I know several. | ||
| I know many people that have legit mental illnesses. | ||
| I think it's super common. | ||
| So if you're a person with a legit mental illness and you see someone on television, you can get completely convinced. | ||
| That they're involved in some sort of secret society to hold you down. | ||
| I know a dude who's losing his mind. | ||
| That one dude we know who's losing his mind. | ||
| Thinks that everybody's working for the fucking CIA. Do we know a few people that are really losing their mind? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People being mind controlled and shit. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Or you're like, stop. | ||
| Settle the fuck down. | ||
| There's much less conspiracy afoot than people would like to see fit, than people would like to believe, rather. | ||
| Have you ever been contacted by any of these groups like Scientologists or Illuminati? | ||
| I would be into joining Scientology. | ||
| They seem like they have a lot of money and they protect their people well. | ||
| We'll have to rework some of your rules, but I think we'll be fine. | ||
| I don't understand that religion. | ||
| Do they believe in God? | ||
| Look, they're a group of badasses. | ||
| They're very successful. | ||
| If you look at what Scientology has done, they're amazing at making money and at managing their business, their business of Scientology, and amazing at acquiring really expensive real estate. | ||
| I think they're like a big real estate holder in Los Angeles. | ||
| They own some really big fucking buildings, a lot of really expensive stuff. | ||
| So they're smart. | ||
| That was L. Ron Hubbard, right? | ||
| Yeah, he's the guy who started it. | ||
| He's been dead for a long time. | ||
| Do they believe in a god, or do they believe their god? | ||
| They believe some crazy shit written by L. Ron Hubbard. | ||
| That's what's really weird about it. | ||
| It seems to me that some people just need a structure. | ||
| They need some stuff that tells them all the answers. | ||
| Every question that they have is answered, whether illogical or not. | ||
| Some people just need that base covered. | ||
| And they'll take that base from Scientology, or they'll take that base from Buddhism, or they'll take that base from Christianity. | ||
| They'll take that base from whoever gets there first. | ||
| Whoever gets there first, whoever's in the right position, who resonates with them the most, they'll accept that. | ||
| And for something like Scientology, one of the good things about Scientology, as opposed to a lot of the other religions, is there's a lot of like Pretty interesting principles that they mess with in terms of managing your consciousness, positive thinking, accepting positive things in your life, enacting change. | ||
| That's why Dianetics was so successful. | ||
| Dianetics, when they sold it on TV, you didn't know that you were becoming a part of some sort of crazy religious cult. | ||
| You thought that you were buying a self-help book. | ||
| And I bought a bunch of self-help books, man. | ||
| I bought Tony Robbins' shit. | ||
| I listened to his books on tape. | ||
| Yeah, when I was poor as fuck living in Revere, I used to listen to... | ||
| You lived in Revere? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| I was a struggling comedian. | ||
| I was listening to Anthony Robbins' tapes and just thinking about how to make things happen. | ||
| He's a really good motivator. | ||
| And the Dianetics thing, I thought was very similar. | ||
| That's what I thought it was. | ||
| And then when I got it, when I... When I got the book, they sent me invitations to go to, like, the Scientology Center and all this different shit. | ||
| They sent me them almost every month. | ||
| They were relentless for years. | ||
| Like, if you're lost, they reach out, and they just get you. | ||
| It's like, this was pre-internet, okay? | ||
| Because this is, like, 1994. So it was fascinating to me, because I didn't understand what it was. | ||
| We had no internet, okay? | ||
| Wrap your head around that, people. | ||
| So when I... If someone... | ||
| Ask me what Scientology was. | ||
| I had to like literally go to a store. | ||
| I had to buy a book. | ||
| I had to read it myself. | ||
| So in reading this Dianetics book and then getting all these emails or these mails, actual physical mails sent to my mailbox from this group, I was like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| So then it piqued my curiosity and then I really looked into it and I was like, wow, this is amazing. | ||
| This is a cult. | ||
| Did you ever get sucked into any of that? | ||
| No, no, I never went to like a meeting or anything, but I did sit down with a dude and he did that stress test thing on me. | ||
| Oh, they did? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But that was way later. | ||
| That was like a couple of years ago. | ||
| Well, you definitely needed it, didn't it? | ||
| Like the outcome of that test was like you need to become a Scientologist. | ||
| Oh, it's pretty clear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's pretty clear. | ||
| It's the most ridiculous device ever. | ||
| I'm sitting there and I don't think, I wish we had Cara Santa Maria on, she could explain us the science behind it and how woefully lacking it is and Real science. | ||
| I wish we could too. | ||
| Because you're in love. | ||
| But anyway, they would sit down with you and you hold on to this e-meter and you would ask questions. | ||
| And I don't remember the nature of the questions, but I just remember it being so ridiculous. | ||
| And I remember asking, like, how many different things can affect this? | ||
| You know, what about intent? | ||
| Does intent affect it? | ||
| What if I get angry? | ||
| Does that affect it? | ||
| So then I tried to just think of answers in a fucked up way, so I could really raise my craziness up. | ||
| Did they have your brain all wired? | ||
| I'm not exactly sure because I was really high when I did this. | ||
| So it wasn't that long ago? | ||
| It was a couple years ago. | ||
| I was filming a game show in my head. | ||
| We were down there. | ||
| So that was pre-before Fear Factor came out. | ||
| So it was a couple of years ago. | ||
| At least three years ago. | ||
| Anyway, point being, I'm sitting there with these fucking tin cans in my hands, like holding on to this thing. | ||
| And this guy who is reading out of this book like a Prozac zombie. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He's a weird, disconnected dude. | ||
| And he's reading me these things. | ||
| He definitely doesn't know who I am. | ||
| He's never watched Fear Fact or anything before. | ||
| He asked me my name a couple of times. | ||
| He forgot it. | ||
| He had to ask me again. | ||
| But the way he was taking me through, how do you feel when you feel about your childhood? | ||
| I'm like, it's great. | ||
| It's pretty good. | ||
| Good childhood. | ||
| I'm here. | ||
| I'm healthy. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| How do you feel about your education? | ||
| He was asking me these weird questions while I'm holding onto these cans. | ||
| What was he looking for? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| They're trying to show that you have a certain amount of stress in your life, and what they would recommend is that you look into Dianetics, and then you look into Dianetics, and then boom, you're a Scientologist. | ||
| What Scientology can do for a lot of people is provide them with a framework. | ||
| Provide them with a scaffolding. | ||
| It gives them a way to move forward. | ||
| And that's legit for everybody, whether it's Christianity or anything. | ||
| When you give someone a framework, all they need is a step-by-step instruction of how to get through life or how to move through to the next stage, how to go get a job, how to get their shit together. | ||
| People need instructionals, even whack ones. | ||
| Even whack ones that have aliens in them and all that other stuff. | ||
| The Thetans and the volcanoes. | ||
| What is the story? | ||
| We can play the quick South Park clip. | ||
| Yes, let's do that. | ||
| Let's do that. | ||
| Why fuck around when the masters have already nailed it? | ||
| Okay, hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's get this right. | |
| I could tell you what stresses you, Joe. | ||
| What? | ||
| Lack of integrity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In anything. | ||
| Stealing material. | ||
| People to bullshit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, let's listen to this. | ||
| Okay, let's see if we can... | ||
|
unidentified
|
There is a reason for people feeling sad and depressed. | |
| An alien reason. | ||
| It all began 75 million years ago. | ||
| Back then, there was a galactic federation of clans, which was ruled over by the evil lord Theon. | ||
| Zenu thought his galaxy was overpopulated, and so he rounded up countless aliens from all different planets, and then had those aliens frozen. | ||
| And then there's a graphic that says, this is what Scientologists actually believe. | ||
| ...which looked like DC-8s, except with rocket engines. | ||
| The cruisers then took the frozen alien bodies to our planet, Earth, and dumped them into the volcanoes of Hawaii. | ||
| The aliens were no longer frozen. | ||
| They were dead. | ||
| The souls of those aliens, however, lived on, and all floated up towards the sky. | ||
| But the evil Lord Xenu had prepared for this. | ||
| Xenu didn't want their souls to return, and so he built giant soul catchers in the sky. | ||
| The souls were taken to a new soul brainwashing facility, which Xenu had also built on Earth. | ||
| There, the souls were forced to watch days of brainwashing material, which tricked them into believing a false reality. | ||
| Xenu then released the alien souls, which roamed the Earth aimlessly in a fog of confusion. | ||
| At the dawn of man, the souls finally found bodies which they could grab onto. | ||
| They attached themselves to all mankind, which still, to this day, causes all our fears, our confusion, and our bodies. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| That's where our fears, our confusions, and our problems come from. | ||
| From theetans. | ||
| They're so fucking smart, aren't they? | ||
| Oh, those guys are the best. | ||
| I love South Park. | ||
| Have you ever met those guys? | ||
| Me? | ||
| No. | ||
| Have you ever been to the Laugh Factory, or do they come in there? | ||
| What's the guy's name? | ||
| Trey Parker and Matt Stone. | ||
| Trey Parker. | ||
| I've met somewhere along the line. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| I think he was producing a long time ago, maybe on Fox or something, or writing. | ||
| So you used to open up for Cher. | ||
| Did you ever mess around with Cher? | ||
| Did you ever get a part of that? | ||
| Did I ever what? | ||
| Like mess around with Cher? | ||
| You mean like sexually? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, not even close. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or you know, touch her butt? | |
| No. | ||
| Wear her outfit with the butt? | ||
| I remember one night we were working at the Mirage. | ||
| And when we were working at casinos, we would see each other, like at an arena. | ||
| There'd be a break after it, you know, so I would never see her because she'd be putting on one of her wigs and her eyelashes and all that shit. | ||
| And she goes to me, as we're walking by her, she goes, I can't believe you did a jizz over a hedge joke. | ||
| My grandmother's here. | ||
| And I said, I can't believe that your grandfather gets to see your ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| So later on that night, we're downstairs at a party in her room. | ||
| And her grandmother says, almost like it was a sitcom, she goes, I love that bit you did about the hedge. | ||
| I look at Shara and she goes, what the fuck? | ||
| She was cool though, very cool. | ||
| It's so weird how people are. | ||
| A friend of mine is working with her, they're doing a gig in Russia soon. | ||
| She's very fucking talented. | ||
| Obviously she's accomplished, whether you like her or not. | ||
| And she's insecure about her voice. | ||
| I suck, but I love to sing. | ||
| I'm singing with him with all my fucking... | ||
| I'm not insecure. | ||
| But of course, she's famous as a singer. | ||
| But it's just so weird how people can be insecure. | ||
| And we know this from any part of show business. | ||
| The needy comedian. | ||
| What'd you think? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| And unfortunately, there's a lot of us that I really like that are like that. | ||
| They want to come up to you. | ||
| Is this good? | ||
| Is this okay? | ||
| I'm like, come on, man. | ||
| Get out of here with that shit. | ||
| Go up there, dude. | ||
| It's funny because the way we do stand-up, all of us together, it's kind of the same way. | ||
| I mean, we all get together. | ||
| We have these shows, whether it's Ari or Duncan or Joey or whatever. | ||
| We're just hanging out, and then one of us will go on stage. | ||
| I mean, you've done these shows with us. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Another one will go on stage. | ||
| But every now and then we'll bring someone new into the mix, and then they're like, is this any good? | ||
| Man, should I open with this? | ||
| What should I do? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Go up there. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Stop being crazy. | ||
| Both of them were on that show last night. | ||
| They left, I think, before you came in. | ||
| No, I met Ari upstairs. | ||
| They were both fucking really funny, but Joey was fucking high. | ||
| His eyes were, like, close. | ||
| He goes, I'm so fucking high, Dom! | ||
| And he almost fell. | ||
| I tell you, he almost fell off. | ||
| He's a big boy. | ||
| He's a big boy. | ||
| That's not good if he falls off that stage. | ||
| That's not a short stage. | ||
| No, no, he was going to fall backwards. | ||
| Neither way is good. | ||
| Neither way is good. | ||
| But he would have killed those girls in the front. | ||
| You can break things. | ||
| I was watching those women when you were doing some of those bits, and they couldn't fucking help but laugh. | ||
| You know, when you did the last bit? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I love watching people who can't help laugh, even though they think... | ||
| I've seen people shake their head and laugh. | ||
| I go, no, you can't disapprove and laugh. | ||
| Well, it's hard when you're out with co-workers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because you don't want those other ladies in your office to have... | ||
| You know, like, you're all on the corporate ladder together. | ||
| You don't want them to have dirt on you. | ||
| Yeah, we went there, and you see this one. | ||
| Every fucking blowjob joke, she's laughing her ass off. | ||
| Ha, ha, ha, ha. | ||
| But before you came in, I asked them something that you really shouldn't ask women. | ||
| I said, which one of you ladies do you think is the hottest? | ||
| And also the least hot. | ||
| And then one of them was their boss. | ||
| They go, leave her out of it then. | ||
| She's the boss. | ||
| But just like, I mean, obviously one of you is in a different league than the others. | ||
| I mean, I can see... | ||
| And they were, like, fucking laughing, and each one of them was thinking, I wonder if it's me, you know? | ||
| Wow, that's funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I think they liked you, Dom Herrera. | ||
| I love fucking with people. | ||
| I love, like, uh... | ||
| Interacting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| We're doing a show, Joe, and if you ever want to come in, I don't want to be a fucking plug machine, but it's going to be called Bustin' Balls with Dom Herrera. | ||
| And we encourage interaction with the crowd. | ||
| You know how they say no talking during the show? | ||
| I want you to fucking talk. | ||
| I want you to break balls. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, and then we'll have also an interview and we can bust each other's balls or we can be fucking goofy, you know. | ||
| So it's essentially not heckling because you're actually encouraging the interaction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's not heckling, yeah. | ||
| So it's not like a regular comedy show. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's going to confuse the shit out of your regular comedy club, people. | ||
| Well, but I'll say it at the beginning, you know? | ||
| But then they're going to want that kind of Dom Herrera action. | ||
| They're going to want that spontaneous shit. | ||
| I don't mind. | ||
| You don't mind, do you? | ||
| I don't like when bits get interrupted. | ||
| I don't mind talking to people. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I mean. | ||
| I love talking to people. | ||
| Well, you don't get interrupted. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes you do. | ||
| You know, there's drunks, man. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's part of our business. | ||
| And they also want to, like, have an interaction with you. | ||
| You ever have people call out your bits? | ||
| Like, you're not doing enough? | ||
| You ever have that? | ||
| Yeah, they'll say, do that. | ||
| You know, you can't... | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| It's really hard to do a bit when someone asks. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
| Because it's so unspontaneous. | ||
| It's also really hard to do a bit when you know that they already know it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, you know, it's not the same as a song. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird because it was for Dice. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You know, when Dice was at his peak, that's one of the things, is everybody would, like, say the joke with him. | ||
| What's in the bowl, bitch? | ||
| Yeah, well, you can also, his audience. | ||
| Those inferior humans that I am a part of. | ||
| I was probably in the audience. | ||
| I went to see Dice in Vegas. | ||
| I had a good old time. | ||
| So he tried to badmouth me on the show? | ||
| No, he didn't badmouth me. | ||
| And you were covering for me, you and Eleanor? | ||
| I hear things. | ||
| Listen, you guys gotta hug it out. | ||
| We hug it out as two old school gangsters. | ||
| We were friends at one time. | ||
| Yeah, I know you were. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| He's not a good guy. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| Joe, he's not a good guy. | ||
| He's a good guy to me. | ||
| He's a good guy to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's not a good guy. | |
| I'm a good guy. | ||
| You're a great guy. | ||
| I'm good to people. | ||
| You're a great guy. | ||
| If I had to choose between the two of you, I'd take you. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| You guys are all getting in trouble now. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I love Dice. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I just wish that Dice and Dom Herrera has been my friend, my good friend since like 1990. I love Dice. | ||
| I'm a huge fan of his. | ||
| I grew up being inspired by Dice. | ||
| But I like Dom better. | ||
| If you had to have sex with one of them. | ||
| I'm not just saying that. | ||
| But it's just because Dom is my very good friend. | ||
| I mean, Dom and I play pool every week. | ||
| I can't go without Dom. | ||
| Yeah, if you had to have sex with Dom or Andy. | ||
| Andy Dick? | ||
| Andrew. | ||
| Dice Clack? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, Dice is much harder than me. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Yeah, but you're probably softer and cleaner. | ||
| Probably more of a challenge to hold Dice down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think you'd be cleaner. | ||
| Oh, that's what you consider sex? | ||
| Well, for me, it's got to be some sport in it. | ||
| I don't want to be fucking a dude. | ||
| It's got to be a bit of a struggle, I think. | ||
| I couldn't do it. | ||
| I couldn't get a hard on seeing a hairy ass. | ||
| You say that, but what if that became your thing? | ||
| How's it going to become my thing? | ||
| You have this one skyrocket orgasm. | ||
| Because, apparently, a big dude like that can really clench down on his ass cheeks. | ||
| Hey, anybody getting hungry? | ||
| And when you squirt, you squirt like you've never squirted before. | ||
| And then you just make a decision. | ||
| You know, you should write poetry, mister. | ||
| You've got a way with words. | ||
| You know, I try to get over that karma bit. | ||
| It's tough for me with the Italian thing. | ||
| What, him and... | ||
| No, I just hold grudges, you know. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But I only have three... | ||
| There's only three comedians I hate. | ||
| Who are the other two? | ||
| Craig Shoemaker and Bobby Collins. | ||
| I can't believe you got that out of me. | ||
| Boy, you really backed me into a corner. | ||
| I don't know Shoemaker. | ||
| I've only met him once. | ||
| Fucking asshole. | ||
| What's wrong with Shoemaker? | ||
| He's just a bragging cunt. | ||
| And I said it with all due respect, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
With all due respect? | |
| He's just... | ||
| All right, I'll give you an example. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm trying to clean up my karma a couple years ago. | ||
| They said, do you mind if... | ||
| I draw pretty well in Atlantic City. | ||
| So I'm going to do the regatta. | ||
| And they said, do you mind if Shoemaker opens for you? | ||
| Now, he was getting $7,500 to open, so you know that I was getting good money, right? | ||
| So I said, you know what? | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Clean up the car. | ||
| I'm going to let them open. | ||
| That's 45 minutes instead of 25 to fuck me. | ||
| And you know what he said at the end? | ||
| He goes, I'll never work with you again. | ||
| And I said, why is that? | ||
| And I'm thinking, you don't got a chance to work with me again. | ||
| He goes, because I can't believe you could follow me. | ||
| What a fucking ego. | ||
| So he was upset? | ||
| He was upset because I followed him. | ||
| He thought he buried me. | ||
| So was he sort of jokingly praising you? | ||
| No, he's such a dick. | ||
| He wasn't joking at all. | ||
| He just really thought nobody could follow him because he got a standing ovation. | ||
| So I walked out and I go, a guy opened for me and got a standing ovation. | ||
| What am I supposed to do, fly around a room? | ||
| But they were there to see me. | ||
| It was not hard to borrow. | ||
| It's really hard to bury someone when people are there to see you. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| And I didn't even lay into him, like what an asshole he was telling him about the time. | ||
| Imagine doing 20 minutes over when you're opening for somebody. | ||
| Just take the money and fucking run. | ||
| Yeah, why did he do that? | ||
| Did you ask him? | ||
| No, because I just didn't want to communicate with him. | ||
| I didn't want to fucking have a talk out with him because I don't want to be friends with him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So that was it. | ||
| You were trying to clean up your karma. | ||
| And then I blew it with Bobby Collins. | ||
| That fucking dickface. | ||
| Do you know him? | ||
| Bobby Collins? | ||
| I don't know him very well. | ||
| I know him from seeing him around. | ||
| Joe, he's the exact opposite of you. | ||
| He doesn't have a fucking honest bone in his body. | ||
| So fucking phony. | ||
| He's the kind of guy who... | ||
| This guy Frankie, who used to work at the Comedy Connection. | ||
| Frankie, baby, look at you. | ||
| You lost weight. | ||
| Frankie goes, Dom, I look like I'm going to fucking explode. | ||
| I gained 100 pounds and I saw this phony fuck. | ||
| But that's the kind of guy he was. | ||
| So he demanded to... | ||
| We were working together at Staten Island. | ||
| And I don't give a fuck about going on first. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I just want to get the money, have a good time, get out of there. | ||
| And I was supposed to headline the show, and it said it in the contract. | ||
| So Bobby Collins was throwing a fit about who was going to close the show. | ||
| What are you watching? | ||
| Look at that phony fucking smile. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hi, guys. | |
| I'm a white boon. | ||
| So anyway, he calls up. | ||
| He wants to close because he wants to sell merchandise after the show. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So the producer calls me. | ||
| They say, call Don. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| He doesn't care. | ||
| So she calls me and she goes, you know, do you mind if he closes? | ||
| I go, look, I'm a headliner. | ||
| I headline. | ||
| You see what it says on the contract? | ||
| She goes, oh, I understand. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| I go, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I'm kidding you. | ||
| I said, I'll do a meet and greet at the beginning and then get out of there. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| They're going to pay me. | ||
| I'll do my best. | ||
| Anyway, after that, a month later, Mike Ivey, my friend, my black friend from Mississippi, told me, you know, Nicky, I love you, brother. | ||
| And he goes... | ||
| Nicky, I gotta ask you a question. | ||
| Were you opening for Bobby Collins in Staten Island? | ||
| I go, Mike, what do you think? | ||
| Right? | ||
| So he goes, no. | ||
| I said, well, it's not even worth talking about. | ||
| So anyway, I see Bobby at the comedy store. | ||
| I go, Bobby, you're fucking pathetic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tommy, baby! | |
| I said, you're just pathetic. | ||
| And then I walked away and that was it. | ||
| So that's so much for cleaning up my karma. | ||
| This isn't on the air, is it? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Bobby Collins to close the spring 2007 CFA season, the Laughter Arts Festival. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What is the CFA? Uh... | ||
| College of Staten Island? | ||
| That's where you guys were? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| You can look this shit up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I'm sorry you had those bad experiences with those two guys. | ||
| But I mean... | ||
| I bet you ironed it out by just outing them on the radio. | ||
| Do you ever have guys just come up to you for things you've said on podcasts yet? | ||
| Because you've been very outspoken with, like, you know... | ||
| I'm on the edge. | ||
| You know, but I love most people. | ||
| Well, you're a very honest guy. | ||
| If you tell me, you know, that someone's been a cunt to you, I always believe you. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I would never... | ||
| I tried to, like, patch things up, and I was right. | ||
| I wish I was wrong. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I wish that it worked, but it didn't work out. | ||
| I mean, you know how many guys... | ||
| These guys... | ||
| Oh, did we do the thing about Louis C.K.? The shitty McCuttings? | ||
| No, you started it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I was just talking about people I love. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| You and Louis and Bill Burr, some of the best comics in the world. | ||
| Fucking Taj. | ||
| And Louis used to come into Montreal and, okay, so he'd be in the audience. | ||
| And the character was Cunty McShitballs, like the grossest. | ||
| And so I'd be hosting the show, I'd go, excuse me, I think we got a celebrity in the audience. | ||
| And he'd put his hand over his head and go, no, no. | ||
| I'd go, is that you, Cunty? | ||
| Is that you? | ||
| And he goes, no, no, no. | ||
| I said, Cunty McShitballs, everybody. | ||
| Everybody, yay! | ||
| Because we had plants all over the room. | ||
| And then he happens to have a guitar by his seat. | ||
| I go, Connie, how about a song? | ||
| No, I can't. | ||
| Connie, Connie. | ||
| The whole crowd's gone. | ||
| Then he comes up and does his fucking song. | ||
| We used to cry laughing. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And I never seen Louie happier. | ||
| He loved doing the character. | ||
| Cunty McShit was. | ||
| I don't know if he had a middle name. | ||
| You know, I've said this before, I'm going to say it again, but Stanhope said this, and I never have agreed with him more. | ||
| He goes, I could quit doing comedy, but I couldn't quit hanging out with stand-ups. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, just to have that kind of experience, to be able to tell that story. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's fucking fun. | ||
| And have that actually your job. | ||
| That's what you do for work. | ||
| That's what you do for a living, yeah. | ||
| I mean, what we did last night. | ||
| That was our job. | ||
| Dom and I worked together last night at the Laugh Factory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| We worked. | ||
| We worked. | ||
| We were hanging out laughing. | ||
| Yeah, we were just laughing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I remember hosting some shows thinking, this is what I do. | ||
| You ever hear about the guy who sticks the Roman candle up his ass? | ||
| And they light it, and it flares, and they play, and he walks, parades around. | ||
| There's no business, like show business. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can you look him up? | ||
| You gotta see this. | ||
| It's one of the funniest fucking things. | ||
| He lights a Roman candle? | ||
| He sticks it in his ass. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He pulls large pieces of furniture out of his ass. | |
| Remember that from Jerky Boys? | ||
| I'm also known for pulling large pieces of furniture. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, that's right. | |
| My shoes. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| So I'll have them. | ||
| Dude, I listened to some Jerky Boys the other day, and it was fucking hilarious. | ||
| I forgot how funny some of their shit was. | ||
| How did those guys stop doing that? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| They were so good. | ||
| Because the rules changed with telephone calls and people. | ||
| Remember, then they changed it where you can only do it in Vegas. | ||
| You can only do it in Nevada, like make prank calls. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| All kinds of legal shit. | ||
| Plus, people started getting on to it because they were becoming famous. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's why I wonder with the Impractical Jokers. | ||
| You ever see that show? | ||
| I haven't seen that. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| It's really fucking funny. | ||
| Yeah, excellent. | ||
| Did you hear about those Practical Jokers that the women committed suicide? | ||
| Yeah, in Australia. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Do you know the whole story? | ||
| Yeah, so there was a hospital. | ||
| Who was there? | ||
| The queen? | ||
| The princess or whatever the fuck her name is. | ||
| Princess Peach was at the hospital. | ||
| The duchess. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Some royalty was there. | ||
| Yeah, and so this radio station had this prank where they're going to act like the mom, so I guess the queen, and they were trying to call her. | ||
| And so the operator, they called up and they were like, I'd like to speak to my daughter or whatever. | ||
| And the operator just led her through. | ||
| Like, oh, yes, one second, please. | ||
| Instead of like, you know, like... | ||
| How do I know this is the right person? | ||
| And stuff like that. | ||
| And then they did this prank on the radio station and I guess it's because of the royalty. | ||
| She felt like she betrayed the crown and she killed herself. | ||
| My granddaughter Kate. | ||
| Is my granddaughter Kate there, please? | ||
| Or she was murdered. | ||
| That's what they said. | ||
| The people on the phone really did immediately give up information about her. | ||
| About her condition. | ||
| They started just rattling off the information. | ||
| They didn't double check at all. | ||
| They weren't even remotely suspicious. | ||
| Talk about fucking up your day, though. | ||
| Everybody loses. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The girl's dead. | ||
| The hospital securities question now, and these people lose their jobs. | ||
| They just meant to get a laugh. | ||
| Yeah, Morrissey is really interesting. | ||
| Morrissey, the singer, he's blaming Kate Middleton for the death. | ||
| Because he's saying the arrogance of the British royals is staggering, and that's why it's allowed, I really don't know. | ||
| So he's saying that The recent story about the nurse killing herself, there's no blame placed on Kate Middleton, who is at the hospital for, as far as I can see, no reason. | ||
| She feels no shame about the death of this woman. | ||
| She's saying nothing about the death of this poor woman. | ||
| Boy, Morrissey needs a fucking hug. | ||
| What a depressed guy. | ||
| How does he know what another person feels? | ||
| How can he say, like, she feels nothing? | ||
| How can you really say that? | ||
| What does someone say when someone commits suicide over a prank like that? | ||
| You can't say she feels no shame. | ||
| She's saying nothing. | ||
| Is she supposed to say something publicly about that? | ||
| I mean, what obligations do you have? | ||
| She has nothing to do with it. | ||
| Yeah, she has nothing to do with it. | ||
| What obligations does she have to comment on something that's obviously a horrific thing? | ||
| And, you know, to blame her, that's so ridiculous. | ||
| Silly Morrissey. | ||
| The idea of the royal family is crazy, though. | ||
| The fact that we give a fuck. | ||
| CNN had it on. | ||
| It was the problems in Gaza, okay? | ||
| CNN was talking about the dangers of Gaza. | ||
| Showed like some night vision with a bomb going off and shit like that. | ||
| And then they said, and, you know, Royal Kate, whatever the fuck her name is, is pregnant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There will be another baby, a royal baby. | |
| Right next to it. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| And it stands, because it sells. | ||
| But it's on CNN. It's crazy. | ||
| Joe, I was in Canada, and when the Queen Mother died at 102, I had a bit about her, you know, about, you know, she looked at 101, this whole thing. | ||
| She died on a treadmill, her thing. | ||
| But when I did it in Montreal, it got an applause. | ||
| It's interesting how people react to royalty. | ||
| When I did it in Ottawa, which is more mixed, Montreal is mostly French, French and English, but they're not under the auspices of the crown by any stretch. | ||
| Ottawa, A little bit, you know, a laugh, a little mild applause. | ||
| Toronto, nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Not a fucking sound. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, an American would have the arrogance to come up and do something against the Queen. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| Like the same fucking joke, just a couple A hundred miles west, boom, nothing. | ||
| It's very weird when you see people that are really, like, taken into the royal family thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| The royals, like, leave the royals alone. | ||
| Oh, they live their lives. | ||
| They read about them, like, as if their thoughts are more important and... | ||
| Yeah, I was making fun of the Queen when I was in England one time. | ||
| I forget which town we were in, but it wasn't like London. | ||
| London, they probably would have laughed their asses off, but these people were like, what? | ||
| Oh my goodness! | ||
| I don't remember what town it was. | ||
| It wasn't Manchester. | ||
| Maybe it was Newcastle? | ||
| Maybe it was Newcastle. | ||
| Anyway, wherever I was, I had this whole bit about how people try to pretend that Like, that this queen, this woman, was like, really like a queen. | ||
| Like, you know, that Princess Diana really was actually a princess. | ||
| Like, no, that's just a person. | ||
| Like, and she's a woman who didn't even have a job. | ||
| And, you know, and she had a woman with children who tried to kill herself like three times. | ||
| You know, and I'm like, how many people would be in that same position? | ||
| And be incredibly fortunate and feel so happy that they have all this money. | ||
| How many poor people would love to be in a great position of wealth? | ||
| And she was like, oh no, the tea is cold, the crumpets are stale, where's the razor? | ||
| I cannot possibly go on. | ||
| The tabloid showed a photo of my backside. | ||
| Quickly drain the pool. | ||
| I will die from the roof. | ||
| This is horrid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Horrid. | |
| Life cannot go on. | ||
| And I had a whole series of those fucking things. | ||
| And they didn't know how to react. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You could see people like, oh, oh, oh. | ||
| Well, it's because you're American, too. | ||
| But they went with it. | ||
| They went with it eventually. | ||
| Eventually, I beat them down with it. | ||
| It's just like, come on. | ||
| It sucks when everybody dies. | ||
| You don't need royals. | ||
| You don't need the ancestors of the people who suppressed your ancestors and give them some special favors. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| But they're holding on to that shit somehow or another. | ||
| And they've gone from being these horrible dictators, which they used to be, to these weird sort of benevolent people who wave and hold some strange position of like a social example. | ||
| You know, example of the perfect etiquette, the perfect behavior. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, at least the Pope was elected. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not that, you know, not that his wealth shouldn't be in question, too, but they were just born into it. | ||
| It's craziness. | ||
| And then marrying into it is even more hilarious. | ||
| They're almost like she's a princess. | ||
| It's fucking nuts, and everybody's following it. | ||
| I mean, it's, like, so dumb. | ||
| Who was the one that gave up the crown because he wanted to marry somebody? | ||
| Remember that one of the guys gave up the crown? | ||
| Can you imagine how fucking hot that bitch was in bed to give up the fucking crown? | ||
| Yeah, well, I bet in England, like, being a royal is... | ||
| What do you think is better, though, in England or, like, in, like, Saudi Arabia or something like that, like a Middle Eastern country? | ||
| You say that, though, but those Saudi Arabian guys rock it way better. | ||
| The Middle Eastern guys, they rock it the right way. | ||
| When they want to go balls out, they pay girls hundreds of thousands of dollars to be sex slaves. | ||
| Yeah, I would say that's more fun, definitely. | ||
| Because you're not judged as much. | ||
| Nobody is rocking it like those young, chic dudes that have those, like that one guy, the Sultan of Bunei. | ||
| That guy, who's the guy that has like the famous parties where he will fly out like the hottest women. | ||
| Apparently it was like a dirty secret for the longest time. | ||
| Pre-internet, he would get like all the hottest penthouse pets and actresses and shit that like, you know, weren't doing so well. | ||
| Because you could go over there and you could make like an insane amount of money. | ||
| She's not doing so well. | ||
| Give her a call. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm not joking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I did a gig with those guys and they fucking sent me a watch that was worth like 20 grand. | ||
| Like ridiculous. | ||
| And they were asking me about Italian bitch, which is so fucking funny, from Saudis, that they knew, like, Joey Bag of Donuts. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| All this old shit, yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Those guys have so much money that this guy, the Salt No Brunei, apparently has a disco in his house. | ||
| Makes his own disco, which is beautiful, unbelievably lavishly appointed disco. | ||
| Gold, gilded work on the ceiling. | ||
| Just magnificent. | ||
| And just filled with tens. | ||
| Just tens everywhere. | ||
| And this guy just goes out there and slides amongst them, has a cocktail, mingles, mixes with the next group. | ||
| And they're all trying to impress him. | ||
| And they're all trying to compete. | ||
| And it was him and a few of his friends, I guess. | ||
| And he just fucking bang them. | ||
| Just woof, every night. | ||
| And every night... | ||
| He's fishing in this stock pond. | ||
| Nobody's ever been such a baller. | ||
| Because he's not actually enslaving anybody. | ||
| He's paying them significant amounts of money. | ||
| He's not corrupting their morals. | ||
| They're willing to do this. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with the exchange. | ||
| Because the amount of money they're making is really fucking staggering. | ||
| But when you really stop and think about how many guys have ever done it like that, the Sultan of Brunei is probably doing it the nicest way ever. | ||
| Everybody else who did it, they did it with armies. | ||
| Every other guy that's lived like that, they did it with swords and conquering towns and keeping chicks in cages and shit. | ||
| This guy just pays stupid amounts of money based on oil money. | ||
| That sounds like fun. | ||
| I think Prince Charles is kind of sad because He's at the point now where he's like, he loves his mother, but, you know, Mom, could you die already? | ||
| So I could be King Charles? | ||
| Would you like to be King before I'm 70? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you think? | |
| If she lives to 100, you know, what the fuck's gonna happen to him? | ||
| Yeah, she might outlive him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| You know, who's under more stress? | ||
| You know, she's probably just nice and slow all day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's running around, doing shit. | ||
| Trying to fucking make ends meet. | ||
| Trying to put food on the table. | ||
| That poor prince. | ||
| What does that guy do all day? | ||
| Prince Charles. | ||
| Being a prince? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Anal. | ||
| Just go play snooker. | ||
| Did you say anal? | ||
| Did you look something up? | ||
| Yeah, I was looking at buttholes and fireworks and I just got really lost. | ||
| And I found an old article from 91 where you were with Ellen doing comedy in Miami or something like that. | ||
| Did you ever bang her? | ||
| Ellen DeGeneres? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh! | ||
| Hey, talk to this retard. | ||
| I gotta take a leak. | ||
| No, I never banged Ellen. | ||
| No? | ||
| I love Ellen, though. | ||
| I know. | ||
| No, I worked with her. | ||
| I worked with her in Miami, too? | ||
| It was something. | ||
| It looks like it was 91 that you worked with her. | ||
| I know I worked with her at Caesars Atlantic City. | ||
| 92 for HBO One Night Stand, maybe? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Geez, I didn't remember what Ellen did. | ||
| I mean, I know she did one, but I didn't know she did it the same night as me. | ||
| Maybe she did. | ||
| But great stand-up, Ellen. | ||
| Yeah, did you ever know anyone that dated her? | ||
| Or was she always kind of like a lesbian into the comedy? | ||
| I didn't know, you know, I didn't know she was lesbian, but I certainly approve of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who was your gang, like, you know, when you were starting out? | ||
| Shecky Green, Bob Hope. | ||
| Bob Hope, really? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, come on. | |
| Not that fucking old. | ||
| Who is my gang? | ||
| Well, at the comic strip, it was like Seinfeld and Paul Reiser and Mark Schiff and these guys. | ||
| And at the improv, it was John Mendoza, Carol Siskind. | ||
| I don't know if you know those guys, but they were good friends. | ||
| And... | ||
| I would say Jerry was the most famous that came out of that generation. | ||
| He was a little bit before me. | ||
| I was acting still, and Jerry was a stand-up already. | ||
| I paid to see Don Marrero before I ever did comedy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If I had done comedy, I'd only done it maybe once or twice. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Knicks, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| How funny was that place, Joe? | ||
| Not only did I pay to see Dom Herrera at Knicks, I paid two nights in a row because Dom couldn't make him one night and his plane was like delayed or something like that. | ||
| And Dennis Leary went up. | ||
| And that's how I found out about Dennis Leary. | ||
| And Dennis Lear became my favorite comedian for six months. | ||
| We had some good shows there. | ||
| Before we were ever friends. | ||
| Yeah, that place is a classic place. | ||
| So these people, did they get fired or did they quit? | ||
| They said that they were going to leave the radio show until a ship blows over. | ||
| It's a tough place to rebound to because it's such a small country. | ||
| Not in size, but in population. | ||
| I don't think you can blame them. | ||
| I don't think you can blame them. | ||
| The guy, they're just trying to be funny. | ||
| Who would have thought that somebody would kill themselves? | ||
| Yeah, they thought that they would have a conversation with somebody and it would be silly. | ||
| I mean, they've done that before with other people. | ||
| They did one of those with Sarah Palin. | ||
| Remember those Canadian guys? | ||
| They called and they trolled Sarah Palin. | ||
| Yeah, nobody killed anybody, and so they were okay, but this is not okay because the lady kills herself? | ||
| That's craziness, man. | ||
| You can't blame these people. | ||
| You can say, hey, you shouldn't do prank calls anymore, but I don't think these people should even be fired. | ||
| What they did was not a bad thing. | ||
| It was a silly thing, but it's not a bad thing. | ||
| The woman was in the hospital because she wasn't feeling well. | ||
| It wasn't like there had been some horrible accident, and they were keeping medical attention from her that was going to save her life. | ||
| It led to her death. | ||
| There was no obstruction of health services. | ||
| It was just a silly thing. | ||
| You can't blame these people for a fucking silly thing. | ||
| No, I agree. | ||
| I mean, you don't know it's going to backfire that much. | ||
| It's a bunch of pussies, but Morrissey, ugh. | ||
| How annoying must that guy be? | ||
| Apparently Morrissey is a super vegan, and not only is he a vegetarian, but he won't let anyone on his crew eat any animals either. | ||
| So the crew guys will get together, they'll meet in one guy's room, and they order a bunch of burgers for room service, and they hide, and one guy watches the door. | ||
| I'm not bullshitting. | ||
| He's coming! | ||
| And I'm not bullshitting. | ||
| And they have to have a fucking backup plan if Morrissey comes and finds him in their room. | ||
| I love the honey bit, by the way. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Never thought of that. | ||
| Never thought of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Vegans aren't supposed to eat honey. | ||
| They're silly bitches. | ||
| Now I'm sorry that I mentioned those guys' names because you said it. | ||
| I forget how powerful this show is. | ||
| Now everybody's going to know who they are. | ||
| Oh, well. | ||
| Made them more famous. | ||
| Oh, well. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Do you have any response to Dom Herrera calling you a cunt? | ||
| Tom and I, we just need to get a kid on the phone together. | ||
| Come on, he's kidding. | ||
| We bust balls. | ||
| Hey, I was kidding. | ||
| We bust balls. | ||
| I was speaking of busting balls. | ||
| I was listening to, did you listen to, have you been listening to ONA at all? | ||
| Uh, no, because I only have satellite in my old car. | ||
| Oh, you gotta get it. | ||
| I have a tape deck of mine. | ||
| Why don't you get it in your new car? | ||
| Is your new car satellite ready? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just order it up, bitch. | |
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Dude, it's really funny lately. | ||
| Well, it's always funny, but lately they had on Joe Piscopo. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And they were busting Joe Piscopo's balls on the air. | ||
| It was fucking... | ||
| About what? | ||
| The muscle man thing? | ||
| Well, what they did was they played some shit. | ||
| from like the 1990s when he was in love with this girl and he had like some show and like he sang for her like he really sang to her and now apparently 20 years later they've got restraining orders against each other For domestic abuse, they both have restraining orders against each other. | ||
| That simplifies it. | ||
| Joe Piscopo became this weird sort of a caricature of who he used to make fun of. | ||
| Like that whole, I'm from Jersey? | ||
| Well, now it's really weird. | ||
| It's become that? | ||
| Yeah, and he does these Joe Piscopo shows, his live shows places, and he fills up these really small places. | ||
| You know, kind of scratching by. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| And it's weird, like, hearing him get fucked with by Opie and Anthony was, like, really painful. | ||
| Why would he do this show? | ||
| Because it gets people paying attention to them, and people go see him. | ||
| Look, even as a goof, I mean, look, I would go see it. | ||
| If I knew he was going to be in town, I would go see it. | ||
| I would go see it even if I didn't... | ||
| I will go see a lot of things that I'm pretty sure are going to suck, you know, if it's going to be an experience. | ||
| Comedically, though, you could sit through it? | ||
| I don't think it's comedy. | ||
| I think he's, like, singing. | ||
| I think he's, like, singing songs. | ||
| I don't really think he's doing comedy. | ||
| I think he's doing, like, a lot of Sinatra songs and shit like that. | ||
| Well, he never really did stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He did character kind of impressions of the sportscaster. | |
| Dom, I'm an entertainer. | ||
| I'm an entertainer, Dom. | ||
| I'm a triple threat. | ||
| But having him... | ||
| Oh, he does Sinatra. | ||
| He does Sinatra. | ||
| Who else does he do there? | ||
| The artist. | ||
| The comedian. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| The comedian. | ||
| The performer. | ||
| Is that his website? | ||
| From Bruce Springsteen to Sinatra... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe will take you in the audience on a thrill ride through a memory lane full of surprises. | |
| Facing your seatbelts, folks. | ||
| I think he's mostly doing impressions and shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| It's like an entertaining show. | ||
| Look at him there. | ||
| Don't mind me. | ||
| I'm over here. | ||
| If you don't want to subscribe to Sirius, I'm sure you can listen to some of the clips online. | ||
| People take them, fans do, and they put them on YouTube. | ||
| Is our show still on here? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Is this podcast on here? | ||
| Oh yeah, all the time, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every weekend. | |
| He was one of the reasons I started doing stand-up. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Because he was so bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I was getting hired for Saturday Night Live. | |
| Because Eddie Murphy liked Joe. | ||
| The only two people they kept. | ||
| I got hired by Saturday Night Live, but they changed producers. | ||
| And Eddie Murphy liked Joe. | ||
| They were friends. | ||
| And they kept Joe because of Eddie. | ||
| And Joe was fine on the show. | ||
| I don't mean to put him down, but I thought to myself, fuck this. | ||
| I can do that. | ||
| I can do stand-up. | ||
| I became a stand-up because I didn't want to deal with the fucking agents and shit and politics. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| 1980. Wow, so that's when you started stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, I passed through the improv. | ||
| And see, I passed right away because I was already a polished performer, not to be a jerk, but I had done so much acting and improv that stand-up, I was really okay, I just had no act. | ||
| And I couldn't understand how stand-ups had to repeat themselves to hone it. | ||
| That was the tough part for me, you know? | ||
| So Piscopone never did stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, he did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he? | |
| But he used to do this thing where he'd come in and, like, you know, you could see right through it. | ||
| And there you go, hey, everybody, I just stopped in to say hello. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And they'd be clapping. | ||
| You know, like, in other words, I'm saying hello, which is good enough. | ||
| Now, if I happen to be funny, Great, but don't expect me to be funny because I'm on Saturday Night Live. | ||
| Oh, so that's what he would say? | ||
| Yeah, he just stopped him to say hello. | ||
| When he was really famous? | ||
| How famous was he at one point in time? | ||
| He was really famous, right? | ||
| Well, he was famous enough to be on Saturday Night Live, you know, that he was a pretty big name. | ||
| Well, I know who he is. | ||
| I mean, I knew who he is when I was in high school, so he must have been really famous. | ||
| That was 80? | ||
| Is that what that was? | ||
| That was from 80 on. | ||
| That was a few years after that. | ||
| I don't remember what happened to him after that. | ||
| He's always a nice guy. | ||
| I don't think stand-up was his thing. | ||
| Listening to ONA tear him apart was so brutal. | ||
| He's from a different era. | ||
| He's more Sinatraa era. | ||
| Even though he's younger than that. | ||
| Reading his tweets about it. | ||
| Trying to justify it. | ||
| He sacrifices himself. | ||
| So that he can get that attention, but that is really the only attention that he's getting, really, if you stop and think about it. | ||
| Without that kind of stuff, without Opie and Anthony, they really are helping him out. | ||
| And Jim Norton actually put it on his tweet, like, go see him. | ||
| He's such a good guy, Norton. | ||
| Norton's a sweetie. | ||
| He's a great guy, he really is. | ||
| He's my favorite pervert. | ||
| He is. | ||
| Because he's so unabashed and unapologetic about it. | ||
| When he talks about meaty pussies, you can see his little hands getting sweaty and his body starts squirming. | ||
| Getting dumped on. | ||
| That even makes me uncomfortable. | ||
| Yeah, he's not playing it clean. | ||
| He's done some wild shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Literally. | ||
| I was doing a Jimmy Fallon show about a month ago, and my friend, you know, some people have no tact, and I love Jim, but nobody really wants to look like Jim. | ||
| Not that anybody wants to look like me either, but she says to the guy who's a The club owner of Governors and Brokerage where I was playing out on the island. | ||
| She goes, you look like Jim Norton. | ||
| He goes, no, I don't. | ||
| She goes, yeah, you do. | ||
| You remind me of him. | ||
| I go, Joanne, let it go. | ||
| Nobody wants it. | ||
| If you were going to say you look like somebody, you say you look like Tom Hanks or not Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise or whatever. | ||
| Somebody who's supposed to be good looking. | ||
| You don't say Jim Norton. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| I wouldn't want somebody to say, boy, you look like Don Marrera. | ||
| You're a spitting image of him. | ||
| Nice little puffy overweight. | ||
| I like that look. | ||
| When you see those pictures of you back in the day, Don Marrera, that video that we had on earlier, does it make you want to go hit that treadmill? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's Jim. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was a cover of one of his CDs, I think, or his book. | |
| I think his book. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| The problem is I have a deli platter right at the end. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Hey, come on. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I do exercise. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| When I go to get my annual treadmill test and all, I'm fine. | ||
| I'm in great shape. | ||
| It's just eating and drinking so much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, in the hours. | ||
| The comedian lifestyle, my friend. | ||
| I'm too happy. | ||
| Yeah, what did Christopher Hitchens say when he got cancer and died? | ||
| He said he burnt the candle at both ends, but what a lovely glow it made. | ||
| But I don't burn it at both ends because I get plenty of rest. | ||
| So that's okay? | ||
| I'm not saying it's okay, but it's better than not resting, too. | ||
| Do you take care of your health at all? | ||
| Do you take vitamins or do you eat healthy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| You know what we just read yesterday? | ||
| That pizza was an anti-carcinogen because the effect... | ||
| I hope this is true. | ||
| The effect of the melted cheese on cooked tomatoes was somehow... | ||
| Like esophagus cancer was like down 50% and a bunch of things, you know, if you can find it, it was great because it's like liberated us. | ||
| I know there's a nutrient in cooked tomatoes that apparently only, it's only in cooked tomatoes that it has a certain effect. | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| Lycopene. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to cook it to get lycopene. | ||
| And lycopene is how you turn into a werewolf. | ||
| Does it sound like it? | ||
| Lycan? | ||
| Lycopene? | ||
| You hear me? | ||
| You follow me? | ||
| Like lupus? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I'm talking about werewolf style. | ||
| Lycopene is apparently... | ||
| It reduces the risk of breast, prostate, colon, and other cancers. | ||
| A powerful antioxidant. | ||
| Let's get a pie, for Christ's sake. | ||
| That's why Italians live so long, am I right? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I'm putting sauce on everything over here. | ||
| I'm putting sauce on that, a little gravy on this. | ||
| Take some home with you. | ||
| I made gobbly guts for you. | ||
| That's when you know they're legit when they call it gravy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My grandmother always called it gravy. | ||
| Get him some gravy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the gravy. | |
| Yeah, the only time we called the sauce was, uh, was like, um... | ||
| A totally different thing. | ||
| Like gravy, and also it was like turkey gravy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, that kind of gravy. | ||
| But red sauce was gravy. | ||
| Still gravy, yeah. | ||
| It was never sauce. | ||
| You never called it red sauce. | ||
| And you never had white sauce. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here with that. | ||
| What are you, a prima donna? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What do you want, olive oil with garlic? | ||
| What are you, a amphiphag? | ||
| Should I fucking massage you while you have that? | ||
| You can get that. | ||
| Look at this sexy bitch right here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Check this out. | |
| Jesus Christ, you sexy bastard. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| Sexy motherfucker. | ||
| Look how beautiful you are. | ||
| I said, I love my cat. | ||
| You know those people that always have to do cat material for Christ's sake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're killing me. | |
| Wait until I leave. | ||
| He's an all-time great and you're being very disrespectful. | ||
| Do you still have a cat? | ||
| Do you still love your cat? | ||
| I'm not going to talk to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're not going to lead me into a bit. | |
| Well, if you want to talk to Brian, he will be at the American Comedy Company tonight in San Diego. | ||
| I make it. | ||
| You feeling good for that trip? | ||
| You feel better now, right? | ||
| I feel like I could drive, definitely. | ||
| I feel great, actually. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Stay there tonight, though. | ||
| Make sure you stay over there. | ||
| Don't try to drive back tonight. | ||
| Don't do that, dude. | ||
| Good luck with the show. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| And Tony Hinchcliffe is on. | ||
| He's a fucking hilarious up-and-coming stand-up comedian. | ||
| We've had him on a bunch of... | ||
| The Death Squad shows at the Ice House. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| Really good dude, too. | ||
| Sarah Tiana, also very funny, also very cool. | ||
| We've also had her on the Ice House Chronicles as well. | ||
| Billy Bonell, who's a hilarious comic. | ||
| And if you use the coupon code ENDOFDAYS right now at American Comedy Co., you get two-for-one tickets for the first ten people. | ||
| Yeah, so that's an excellent show tonight, San Diego. | ||
| San Diego is really, there's quite a few comedy opportunities in San Diego. | ||
| I love it down there. | ||
| There's two good clubs. | ||
| There's the American Comedy Club, and there's American Comedy Company, and then there's Madhouse. | ||
| Madhouse, I heard, is awesome. | ||
| And, you know, I like the La Jolla Comedy. | ||
| And I did a theater there. | ||
| Oh, a comedy store? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't remember the theater's name, but I did a theater there. | ||
| But it was, whatever it was, it was fucking awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a big-ass place. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| They're so happy down there. | ||
| Fucking San Diego is great. | ||
| I mean it's a little weird because you're right next to Mexico and you get a lot of people that come over from Tijuana to watch the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That was cool as fuck. | ||
| I met a lot of people from Tijuana and they were telling me like we're taking pictures together. | ||
| Hey man, we came from Tijuana. | ||
| I'm like, damn, you can just come over? | ||
| Like I was under the impression that it was like really difficult. | ||
| You couldn't just like go out for a night in San Diego if you live in Tijuana. | ||
| Like they wouldn't let you because they would think, why would you come back? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But no, these dudes, they were like legit. | ||
| They had passports, the whole deal. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Those guys are coming tonight for me to get the radio. | ||
| That was the Balboa Theater. | ||
| It was pretty awesome. | ||
| But yeah, you can get Viagra here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just kidding. | |
| You don't want that Mexican Viagra, too. | ||
| It might not be real. | ||
| Hey, I got Bill Burr on the show tomorrow night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Dom Herrera with Bill Burr! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What kind of a show is this? | |
| This is craziness! | ||
| Bustin' Balls with Dom Herrera at the Laugh Factory, 8 o'clock. | ||
| And so this is your show that people are allowed to come in and they're allowed to yell out and say things. | ||
| And what time is it starting? | ||
| 8 o'clock tomorrow night. | ||
| And it's Bill, who else? | ||
| I don't know who else is on the show. | ||
| I just wanted to make sure I nailed Bill. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, that sounds like it would be really fun. | ||
| That's tomorrow night? | ||
| Thursday night? | ||
| Well, I might go by and watch that as a spectator. | ||
| Hey, if you want a spot, you know it's open to you. | ||
| I need to start hanging out there. | ||
| It seems like everyone's hanging out there now. | ||
| Well, we went there last night. | ||
| Last night was great. | ||
| We could definitely make that place do better. | ||
| The crowds are small. | ||
| For the Sunset Strip, we packed the ice house. | ||
| They didn't even know you were going to be on until 4 or 5 o'clock. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| We could have promoted that. | ||
| Yeah, Tiffany Haddish is always there, and she's one of the only people that went through that camp, that comedy camp that's a comic. | ||
|
unidentified
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I taught her, man. | |
| She was hot then. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious, man. | ||
| Well, it's a great club. | ||
| Look, the Laugh Act is great. | ||
| If we could somehow or another sedate Jamie so he can't talk to us anymore, we're going to figure out a way. | ||
| We've got to do my podcast with just me and you. | ||
| Yes, yes, we do. | ||
| Yeah, please. | ||
| Yeah, we'll do it next week. | ||
| I'll do it next week. | ||
| I've got a couple days open next week. | ||
| Next week's the End of the World Tour. | ||
| It's only one day. | ||
| It's not really a tour. | ||
| It's the End of the World Show with Mad Flavor, a.k.a. | ||
| Planet Rock, a.k.a. | ||
| Joey Diaz, and Doug Stanhope, and Honey Honey Band. | ||
| We're going to have them on the podcast next Monday. | ||
| Honey Honey. | ||
| I can't wait to see them. | ||
| Honey Honey Band. | ||
| They will be here or Ice House. | ||
| Probably do it at Ice House. | ||
| We'll do it at the Ice House because we've got the good internet. | ||
| You ever do Tampa? | ||
| Yes, yes, I've done Tampa. | ||
| Did Bobby Jules? | ||
| I did, no, I did the improv. | ||
| The improv in Tampa. | ||
| Oh, okay, I did the side splitters. | ||
| My folks used to live out there. | ||
| They used to live in Clearwater, where all the scientists, Scientologists are, by the way. | ||
| That's where the Phillies train. | ||
| If it matters. | ||
| Maybe they're Scientologists too. | ||
| Maybe that's why they do so well. | ||
| I'm doing that club in January with his Knoxville club, which is funny because I can't draw a fucking person in Nashville. | ||
| In Knoxville I sold out. | ||
| Nashville's tricky. | ||
| Why would I sell it in Knoxville? | ||
| I don't know, but Nashville is particularly tricky apparently for comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Yeah, there's cities where it's tough. | ||
| You know, it's hard to, you know, they don't have a comedy community. | ||
| And it seems like that wouldn't really make sense. | ||
| I mean, I guess it doesn't. | ||
| They're so hung up on music, you know. | ||
| It's such a music town, I guess. | ||
| But I mean, if you're like a really big name act. | ||
| But if you're a Southern act, they like you. | ||
| They like the Southern acts. | ||
| And yeah, guys like Louis. | ||
| Well, who's like an example of a Southern actor? | ||
| Like Rodney Carrington. | ||
| Like Jeff Foxworthy. | ||
| Jeff Foxworthy. | ||
| Those guys. | ||
| Larry the Cable Guy. | ||
| Larry the Cable Guy. | ||
| Well, he crosses a lot of lines at the end. | ||
| Larry the Cable Guy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They glove him up in Michigan and shit. | ||
| Yeah, because he's so blue-collar. | ||
| You know, it's so funny. | ||
| He doesn't talk like that at all. | ||
| At all. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And some people have gotten insulted because he doesn't talk like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you leading me on, boy? | |
| Well, sir, I'm just here to make some money. | ||
| Yeah, I met him at Montreal Comedy Festival way, way back in the day. | ||
| Really nice guy, man. | ||
| Him and Tosh used to hang out at the West Palm Club. | ||
| It was called Comedy Corner. | ||
| That's where I got to know those two guys. | ||
| Do you know Josh Wolfe? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Josh Wolfe is open for Larry the Cable Guy and he was showing me photos of it, of being in a football arena. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's like 50,000 people to see Larry. | ||
| You know what's so funny? | ||
| He was such a normal act as himself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He wasn't bad, but he wasn't good. | ||
| As Larry the Cable Guy, he hooked into something brilliant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he's great at it. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| He's so fucking silly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He found that character. | ||
| Remember this? | ||
| Muscle fitness with Joe Piscopo on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| It looks like his head is implanted on a muscle man's body. | ||
| It doesn't look real. | ||
| Wow, he's in fucking killer shape back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's probably roiding. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Joe Piscopo. | ||
| Look at that girl. | ||
| That's Johnny Dangerously. | ||
| That girl's like trying to take him down. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| And he's holding onto her hand. | ||
| What kind of a fucking... | ||
| What is that statement? | ||
| Why is she behind him? | ||
| She should be holding him in front of him. | ||
| It looks like they photoshopped the cock out. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| Those were darker days. | ||
| People didn't have as many cocks in their life as they have today. | ||
| Anybody who's on the internet, it's my golden rule of the internet. | ||
| If you have a photo on the internet, somewhere someone has photoshopped a dick in your mouth. | ||
| It's just a fact. | ||
| There's no getting around that. | ||
| I think that's better for everybody. | ||
| I was watching this show that I was talking about. | ||
| Have you ever watched that Morgan Freeman show, Through the Wormhole? | ||
| No. | ||
| He narrates it. | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| It's like a discovery or one of those? | ||
| Yeah, it blows. | ||
| It's mind-blowing. | ||
| If you haven't DVR'd it, folks, it's a must DVR, especially when you're looking for something really freaky to watch at 2 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| And they were talking about the fact that just by virtue of the laws of probability, I think that's what they were citing, that because of the fact that the universe may be infinite, and what that means is that we have an idea that the universe is like 14 billion years old. | ||
| There's a lot of people, a lot of these physicists that actually think that instead of it being finite, like you can measure the distance of the internet, that it might be infinite. | ||
| And if it is infinite, I have no idea. | ||
| I don't understand any of it. | ||
| I don't understand how it could be 14 billion years old. | ||
| I don't understand how it could have been born. | ||
| It looks great for 14 billion. | ||
| I don't understand how it could have not existed and then existed. | ||
| I really don't understand it. | ||
| But what I do know is that what this guy was saying was that if the universe is infinite, that means there's not just one, but several versions of you exactly out there, just because of the laws of The fact that there's so many variables. | ||
| It's like, what they showed is they showed this giant pattern of rocks, like this huge pile of rocks, and they were showing that if you get, like this, there's like one blue rock, one white rock, one black rock. | ||
| Like in this order, right next to each other, In this massive pile of rocks, you're going to have this occur X amount of times. | ||
| It's just inevitable. | ||
| It just will occur. | ||
| And he walks around and he picks it out. | ||
| And then they were starting to talk about the distance of infinity and the idea of the infinite and the idea that if that is the case, there is so many possibilities that every, like, one, you know, X amount of trillion light years, there will be another Dom Herrera exactly. | ||
| I hope you lost weight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I can't fathom? | |
| 186,000 miles a second, I believe the speed of light is. | ||
| And they say light years, and then they say a trillion light years. | ||
| That's fucking unfathomable. | ||
| I think it was several trillion light years. | ||
| It was like a hundred trillion light years or something like that. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| My mind can't process that. | ||
| No, we can't. | ||
| 93 million miles is the sun. | ||
| I can understand that. | ||
| 93 million. | ||
| I can deal with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, the Earth's 24,000 miles around. | ||
| 93 million. | ||
| All right, the sun. | ||
| But fucking trillion light years? | ||
| But what's really fucked up is that if the universe is infinite, when you get to one trillion light years, you're not even like one millionth of one percent done. | ||
| A year of like... | ||
| It never ends. | ||
| So it doesn't matter. | ||
| It's like it will go on literally forever. | ||
| So how could we get cocky? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| How could we get cocky? | ||
| I think you know what's how people get cocky? | ||
| Cities. | ||
| I think lights... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Light pollution where you don't see security. | |
| I think those old cavemen people, they had a great reverence to the sky. | ||
| Because at nighttime, the shit was overwhelming. | ||
| You would have sun in the daytime, and then at nighttime, there had to be nights back when there was no pollution whatsoever, especially high-altitude people. | ||
| Where they must have just seen everything in the sky. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| So the reverence that they must have had for their journey on this biological spaceship, this organic spaceship hurling through the galaxy. | ||
| I mean it must have been far greater than ours now. | ||
| So as we develop more and more technology that allows us to do more and more things that make us almost superhuman in our abilities as far as our ability to To send information, receive information, get questions answered, learn things, transmit data, photos and videos. | ||
| It's unprecedented. | ||
| Nothing has ever even been close to this before. | ||
| And when you see that, it really makes you wonder. | ||
| It really makes you wonder. | ||
| It really makes you wonder if while we're doing that, while we're blocking out all this sun with all this light, we've got all this light pollution, and then we have all this Actual pollution where we don't see the mountains. | ||
| You know that weird feeling that you get in LA where you can't see the mountains? | ||
| Then one day it rains. | ||
| And all of a sudden... | ||
| You see fucking mountains everywhere! | ||
| Yeah, you're coming down sunset and there's a snow-capped mountain. | ||
| And you're like, wait a minute. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It's so trippy. | ||
| Who put that up? | ||
| But it's like, think about that. | ||
| The areas where human beings are at their biggest, the areas where they're at their most overpopulated, you're also at your most disconnected from nature. | ||
| You're most disconnected from the view of space because of the light pollution. | ||
| You're most disconnected from the view of the mountains because of the pollution. | ||
| It's really fascinating because that sort of mindset comes out of the lack of reverence for nature, the moron mindset of the city. | ||
| We don't even deal with nature. | ||
| It's crazy because it all happens in this big pile and it's easy to do. | ||
| If you live in Manhattan and you take the subway to work and you fucking buy your food at this grocery store on the block and your apartment's up there, why bother? | ||
| What do you give a fuck? | ||
| The food's there, you go to your job, you get your money, you pay for your groceries. | ||
| Why even pay attention to where it's being farmed? | ||
| Why even pay attention to pesticides, genetically modified foods, or who has to go to war to control what part of the world? | ||
| Why give a fuck? | ||
| That's the weird sort of an arrogance that develops in some place where you're not connected to it. | ||
| It's like we're developing things in these cities where we're escaping the connection of nature and creating in ourselves. | ||
| People that have those indoor greenhouses and shit. | ||
| There's something badass about it, but there's something crazy. | ||
| Why you got all this food under lamps and stuff in a basement? | ||
| I have a friend who would grow vegetables in his basement. | ||
| What's wrong with the dirt? | ||
| Put your shit in the dirt. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Well, some of it is because they can't raise things in the winter, that kind of thing. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, definitely, yeah. | ||
| Nobody knows more about agriculture than me and you, Joe. | ||
| Cold climate. | ||
| Yeah, I watch those Alaska shows where people are, like, preserving all their food and getting ready for the cold climate. | ||
| How the fuck do people land there? | ||
| How did those guys, the Eskimos and all, why would you stop there? | ||
| The Induit, whoever. | ||
| The Induit. | ||
| What are they called? | ||
| Induit. | ||
| Induit. | ||
| I'm the idiot. | ||
| Well, where it came from was the people that came down the Bering Strait, the same people that populated North America before the Europeans. | ||
| They walked. | ||
| Yeah, but wouldn't you keep walking until you got a little warmer? | ||
| Yeah, I would say so. | ||
| You know, they might have found like a good chick that doesn't mind the cold and they started fucking. | ||
| They had some kids and they couldn't move until the kid got older. | ||
| And they said, listen, I know how to catch seal. | ||
| Let's just stay here. | ||
| Yeah, we got to make fires every night, but so what? | ||
| We'll make a fire. | ||
| They figured out how to make igloos. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Well, there's a place in Siberia called the Taigao, and there's this guy, you ever see that documentary, Grizzly Man? | ||
| No. | ||
| You ever heard of Werner Herzog, the documentarian? | ||
| He's got a bunch of really good documentaries. | ||
| He's famous for his documentary. | ||
| The most recent one was about, did you see that one about the cave paintings? | ||
| Cave paintings in France, the really ancient, incredible cave paintings. | ||
| But anyway, this Herzog guy, he's a really good documentarian, and he had this thing about people that live in Siberia. | ||
| It was like happy people, life on the taiga. | ||
| And it's all about these people that just fucking trap and fish. | ||
| That's still their culture? | ||
| Yeah, that's all they do. | ||
| That's all they do. | ||
| And they trap and that pays for like chainsaws and shit like that. | ||
| You know, they're tools, they're essential tools. | ||
| And then from that they just fish and trap and hunt. | ||
| All year. | ||
| That's their entire existence. | ||
| And apparently, there's no mental problems. | ||
| People are fairly healthy. | ||
| Life is clear to them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Life is clear. | ||
| And they actually enjoy it. | ||
| They were all getting together and they were talking about what good fun hunting is. | ||
| What do you want to do tomorrow? | ||
| Let's go fishing! | ||
| That's all they did. | ||
| They fished and they hunt. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| And they have to store up a certain amount of meat. | ||
| So, from that show, I started getting obsessed with all these other Alaska shows. | ||
| And this show, Mountain Men, where this one dude's living in North Carolina, another dude's living in Montana, another dude was living in Alaska. | ||
| But the guy living in Alaska is living the craziest fucking life. | ||
| Because this guy is a trapper, and he flies on a little plane hours into the wilderness. | ||
| Hours. | ||
| And then lands, and he has the same spot he lands every year. | ||
| He's got this clearance that he's made. | ||
| And he has a trail that he's made and he is a trap trail so he takes this trail with a snowmobile and leaves traps all along the way and then comes back every day or every couple days whatever and collects the dead animals and he stays up there for months. | ||
| No people. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Just by himself in a fucking log cabin. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Like, you're watching this guy's life and you go, whoa, that's where your fucking coat comes from? | ||
| Like, that is some, that's a crazy lifestyle choice. | ||
| That's a cracks you up if you'll go, well, stand-up comedy, it's got to be the hardest thing in the world. | ||
| I'm thinking, look at his life. | ||
| I'm obsessed with these shows, man. | ||
| I'm obsessed with the idea of subsistence living, living off the land, these people living off the land. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And Alaska, The Last Frontier is the best one because they got really intelligent people. | ||
| That's a new Discovery Channel show. | ||
| They have these really smart fucking people. | ||
| Like, you're hearing them talk and, like, These are not uneducated people. | ||
| They're smart people that have lived several generations up there in Alaska. | ||
| Their family was escaping war-torn Europe, and so they moved to Alaska to be homesteaders. | ||
| They got this giant piece of land and started growing cattle out there. | ||
| It's a crazy fucking reality that these people live. | ||
| But again, they seem pretty fucking happy, man. | ||
| Have you been up there? | ||
| No, never been to Alaska. | ||
| It's supposed to be amazing, though. | ||
| It's supposed to be some real game-changing shit, like when you see the wilderness up there. | ||
| Amazing that it's a state so far away. | ||
| They say eagles are everywhere there. | ||
| Have you ever seen any of those videos of eagles swarming where the fishermen go? | ||
| I've never seen a swarm of eagles. | ||
| Dude, it's crazy. | ||
| I'll pull up a video. | ||
| I'll get... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here, I'll do it so we don't destroy the internet. | |
| Look for... | ||
| You should bring your 3G card while you... | ||
| Yeah, I have mine. | ||
| I have it here. | ||
| I should lock it in. | ||
| But anyway, they... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you going to Google? | |
| What's the exact term? | ||
| Swarm of Eagles, butthole. | ||
| Yeah, no, Swarm of Eagles, Salmon, Alaska. | ||
| I mean, you can't believe it, though. | ||
| You're talking about like 30 or 40 bald eagles that are sitting on this lawn. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's really one of those things that if you didn't see it on a video, you would think it would be fake. | ||
| But apparently people that go up there say that's really what they're like up there. | ||
| There's a shitload of eagles. | ||
| But you still can't kill them. | ||
| I don't think it's called a shitload. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's like a gaggle or a flock. | ||
| I don't think that was it, Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here, I'll go real quick. | |
| It's crazy to watch. | ||
| Swarm of Eagles, Alaska. | ||
| Eagles is called a swarm? | ||
| Eagles on lawn. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Yeah, eagles on lawn. | ||
| How bad are you at Google, son? | ||
| You just go, eagles on lawn, first video, over 30 bald eagles in the backyard. | ||
| It's these people, they just got back from fishing, and so they take these salmons, the salmon bodies, and they throw the body to the fish after they filleted it, and they're feeding the eagles. | ||
| It's fucking crazy, man. | ||
| Where do you see all these fucking things? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| They have a whole yard and all of the roof behind the yard. | ||
| Yo, if they swarmed on you, they could fuck you up. | ||
| Oh, so could eagles. | ||
| Yeah, but eagles really could, man. | ||
| Look at all of them. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Those are bald eagles. | ||
| I never saw anything like that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Well, people in Alaska, man, you get to see shit like this. | ||
| Yeah, you do live in the frozen wilderness, but you get to see shit like this. | ||
| This is a trip. | ||
| No, they're not protected up in Alaska. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yes, they are, man. | ||
| They're protected everywhere. | ||
| But this is a part of your reality if you live up there. | ||
| Look at this reality. | ||
| Your reality is you're surrounded by bald eagles and mountains. | ||
| And especially, like, right now in the summer, it must be awesome. | ||
| The thing is, like, look at these kids walking up. | ||
| Wow, I would not let my kid go near a fucking eagle. | ||
| I would have a shotgun train on those punks. | ||
| Because eagles have carried off babies before. | ||
| Yeah, that's true, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| All these eagles have to just take these children and eagles. | ||
| There's an old picture of an eagle trying to carry off a child. | ||
| There's a video of eagles killing wolves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Eagles, huh? | |
| You gotta see that. | ||
| Look at these fucking eagles. | ||
| That kid has no idea how different his life is, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they don't have any idea how weird it is to see a gang of eagles in your backyard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| 30 eagles. | ||
| I thought they were solitary animals. | ||
| I didn't know they flew together. | ||
| I think there's so much salmon in Alaska that when the salmon is running, apparently they go bananas. | ||
| And they just all get together and say, fuck it. | ||
| Ari Shafir did stand-up in Alaska and went salmon fishing and he said it's the craziest thing he's ever done in his life. | ||
| He said it was amazing. | ||
| I shouldn't say it's the craziest thing he's ever done in his life because that wouldn't be true. | ||
| But he said it was amazing and they would eat raw salmon right from the side of the boat. | ||
| They would just slap the salmon down, cut it open. | ||
| Take chunks out of it and just eat it. | ||
| That's correct. | ||
| He said it was delicious. | ||
| He said it was like the greatest sushi you could ever eat in your life. | ||
| You think that's gross, but yet you eat sushi. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I just don't like the faces. | ||
| Explain yourself, son. | ||
| I don't like faces. | ||
| Oh, the faces? | ||
| You don't like the being responsible for the death? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you ever killed a fish? | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah, I've gone fishing and all that shit, but... | ||
| You always feel bad? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know, I don't feel like it. | ||
| Yeah, not me. | ||
| Not fish. | ||
| I don't really feel bad about fish at all. | ||
| I mean, I don't want them to be tortured, but I would eat the shit out of them. | ||
| If you hook them in their mouth, you're already starting to torture. | ||
| Well, someone sounds like a vegan. | ||
| No, I'm just saying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mr. Herrera, spokesperson for PETA for fish. | |
| People for ethical treatment of fish. | ||
| I like to think of it. | ||
| PETA. PETA. That's a crack scene about people that only, they're pescatarians. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, how do you know a fish doesn't have fucking bad feelings? | ||
| Someone said this to my wife. | ||
| She said, fish don't raise their babies. | ||
| I went, whoa. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Even dolphins? | ||
| Dolphins aren't fish. | ||
| Oh, yeah, they're mammals. | ||
| But she said... | ||
| No, there's dolphins that are fish, too. | ||
| What? | ||
| There's dolphins that are fish and there's dolphins that are mammals. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you're thinking of mahi-mahi, actually. | ||
| They call them dolphin fish. | ||
| Yeah, I know what you're talking about. | ||
| Yeah, that's funny because I read that in a magazine once when I was just starting to fish. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| People fish for dolphins? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's not the same dolphin. | ||
| But it's not. | ||
| It's actually a fish. | ||
| It's not the flipper type dolphin. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, it's not really called dolphin very often. | ||
| It's mostly called Mahima. | ||
| I do it occasionally on a broadcast. | ||
| You're a crazy man. | ||
| You don't give a fuck. | ||
| Silly. | ||
| Silly. | ||
| He's out on the edge. | ||
| Alright, Brian has got to get the fuck out of here. | ||
| We've got to send this son of a B all the way down to San Diego tonight. | ||
| American Comedy Company. | ||
| 8 o'clock show, folks. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Sarah Tiana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jason Tebow, Billy Bonnell, me. | |
| And what is the way they can save some money? | ||
| If you go to American Comedy Co. | ||
| and to buy your tickets, if you use the coupon code END OF DAYS, I believe it is. | ||
| Let me just double check. | ||
| END OF DAYS would give you two-for-one tickets. | ||
| That's what we're talking about, folks. | ||
| We're talking about end of days. | ||
| So if it is all over, what do you want to do tonight? | ||
| Do you want to stay home and watch TV or go out and get your fucking freak on? | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Go out and get your freak on, folks. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to be fun. | ||
| Should be fun. | ||
| All right. | ||
| We will be back Sunday at 4 in the afternoon. | ||
| A very odd show with a very odd gentleman. | ||
| That will be Dennis McKenna. | ||
| And that's going to be really interesting. | ||
| I'm very curious to talk to him. | ||
| It should be incredibly fascinating. | ||
| If you don't know who he is, he's the brother of one of the most famous psychedelic adventurers of all time. | ||
| Dennis McKenna is Terrence McKenna's brother. | ||
| And Terrence McKenna is responsible for probably some of the most influential works on psychedelics ever. | ||
| The most influential points of view. | ||
| And Dennis was with him through a lot of that stuff. | ||
| And he's got a book on it now. | ||
| Some strange name to the book. | ||
| Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss or something like that. | ||
| Sweet Dolphin Kisses. | ||
| I don't think that's in there. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Let me Dennis McKenna book. | ||
| I want to make sure I... Dom Herrera on Twitter, and that's D-O-M-I-R-R-E-R-A. At Dom Herrera. | ||
| Yeah, this is what's important, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| The two R's is first. | ||
| And please come and see me at Goodnight's. | ||
| Let me pack the place on New Year's Eve. | ||
| I'm happy to go back to North Carolina. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good club. | ||
| Charlie Goodnight's. | ||
| We did Raleigh recently. | ||
| Raleigh's fun, man. | ||
| Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss. | ||
| That's the book. | ||
| If you want to read that book before the interview, it might be interesting to give you a little perspective if you're down with it. | ||
| But Dennis is a brilliant, brilliant guy. | ||
| And he's an, I don't even know how to say this, ethnopharmacologist and an author and a well-known Psychedelics proponent. | ||
| Should be fascinating. | ||
| He's a brother to well-known psychedelics proponent. | ||
| I don't know if he's a proponent himself. | ||
| He's probably a bit hedgy. | ||
| He's a scientific man. | ||
| A brilliant gentleman. | ||
| I'm just a gamer, Joe. | ||
| Not sure why you want me to come here. | ||
| Whoops, wrong guy. | ||
| And again, next week, after Dennis, which is on Sunday, Monday we got Honey Honey. | ||
| And some on Tuesday. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| We'll figure it out. | ||
| All right, you dirty fucks. | ||
| Listen, you guys have been fantastic. | ||
| Thanks, everybody. | ||
| Thanks to Onnit.com. | ||
| Yeah, them too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thanks to Bladeslinger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bladeslinger. | |
| Yeah, it's a great game. | ||
| It's from Kerosene Games. | ||
| It's available on the iTunes store. | ||
| Yeah, it's only $2.99. | ||
| And Kerosene Games, which is our... | ||
| Yeah, how do you go wrong there, son? | ||
| Losing money by not buying. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| They're the latest sponsor of this podcast. | ||
| And Kerosene Games are committed to... | ||
| Making all of their games originally for iPad and iPhones. | ||
| And now they're in the middle of developing it for the high-end Android devices. | ||
| That'll be January and February. | ||
| But it's a cool game. | ||
| It's great graphics. | ||
| It's, again, designed for the iPad. | ||
| It's not ported over there. | ||
| Designed for it. | ||
| And it's only $2.99. | ||
| And they're supporting the podcast. | ||
| So go check that shit out. | ||
| Throw three bucks that way. | ||
| Pick yourself up a dope-ass game if you're into some entertaining time-killing. | ||
| And next Tuesday, the 18th, I am releasing my stand-up comedy special. | ||
| And that will be live on JoeRogan.net. | ||
| And borrowing from the great Louis C.K., it will be five bucks. | ||
| It'll be the same thing. | ||
| You'll be able to download it a bunch of times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a great idea, man. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So please don't steal it. | ||
| I paid a lot of money to make it. | ||
| But other than that, thanks. | ||
| Thanks for everybody. | ||
| And thanks for everybody to be here for you, my friends. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And we'll see you all on Sunday. | ||
| Right here. | ||
| From the middle of nowhere. | ||
| Which is the bottom of everywhere. | ||
| I know exactly where this is. | ||
| Which is the top of the beyond. | ||
| The middle of the infinity, Dom Herrera. | ||
| There is no tomorrow, Rocky. | ||
| You coming back to do Bustin' Balls with Dom Herrera? | ||
| I will come back to hang out with you, Dom Herrera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wherever we shall go, together we shall be. | |
| Tuesday nights, Dom Herrera is almost always at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| The night's going to switch, but it's Thursday night for this week. | ||
| This week, Thursday night? | ||
| It'll switch. | ||
| Thursday's a great night. | ||
| That's a good night out. | ||
| That's for pros. | ||
| A lot of pros like to go out on Thursdays. | ||
| Get some fun times on Thursdays. | ||
| Alright, you dirty fucks. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| Follow Red Band on Twitter. | ||
| R-E-D-B-A-N. Go to Hire-Primate.com and check out my t-shirts. | ||
| It's my psychedelic monkey t-shirts. | ||
| I don't know how many of them are still available. | ||
| We sold a shitload of them. | ||
| I underestimate how many people are buying them, but we're getting all new ones in, and we're going to be affiliated with Onnit now, so we'll have our distribution far easier. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| Yeah, I'm not much of a businessman, folks. | ||
| All right, you fucks. | ||
| We've got a lot of good shit coming up, and thanks for being here through all this. | ||
| We appreciate the shit out of you, and we love you long time. | ||
| All right, bye. | ||
| See you later. |
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