Dec. 11, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:32:21
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Now we're live on Ustream. | ||
| It's a series of events that have to take place, Tommy Bunz. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Including me shutting off my laptop. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| No, my volume. | ||
| I'm a retard. | ||
| I always leave it on. | ||
| There's like a checklist of shit that I should do before the podcast starts. | ||
| Number one, turn the volume off on my laptop so I don't hear myself. | ||
| That's stupid, right? | ||
| I'm sure we should put together a list. | ||
| Put together a list. | ||
| Checklist. | ||
| I need to get my shit together, Tommy. | ||
| It doesn't look like it's getting any better. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Onnit. | ||
| If you go to O-N-N-I-T, you will check out some manly shit like kettlebells and battle ropes. | ||
| That's the kind of shit I be using lately. | ||
| I hired a trainer recently. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah, this young dude that I do jiu-jitsu with that's always in awesome shape and kicks my ass. | ||
| These fucking workouts are so brutal. | ||
| Are you doing like cross-training style stuff? | ||
| Well, I feel like if you don't have someone yelling at you, you know, getting you to do shit, it's like no matter how hard you push yourself, you don't quite push yourself as hard. | ||
| It's not even close, man. | ||
| That's exactly why I don't push myself. | ||
| Yeah, that's exactly right. | ||
| I just started doing that recently. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| I hire somebody every once in a while for like a month, and I'm like, that shit's too hard. | ||
| This kid's name is Justin. | ||
| He trains at my gym, and I would watch him as a trainer, and I'm like, this guy never gets fucking tired. | ||
| So I said, I go, what are you doing for conditioning? | ||
| He told me he's a trainer. | ||
| And so I said, let me work out with you one day. | ||
| He had me doing all kinds of insane shit. | ||
| How long the workouts are you doing? | ||
| It's only an hour. | ||
| That's all I can take. | ||
| But intense hour is awesome. | ||
| Oh, it's retarded, dude. | ||
| It's all like medicine balls and jumping over this and jumping squats and all this nutty track and field shit and jumping over boxes and push-ups left to right, left to right, left to right. | ||
| All this crazy conditioning type shit. | ||
| Holy fuck is it hard to do. | ||
| Every time I've done a workout with a trainer and it's been like an hour, I'm always amazed at how little I usually accomplish in an hour. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because you finish with a trainer and you're like, Man, we did that in an hour. | ||
| I usually spend an hour and I do a fraction of one of those things. | ||
| It's hard to really fucking buckle down. | ||
| I can do it a little bit. | ||
| I can do it every now and again. | ||
| But I think on a regular basis, sometimes you need to take a class or something to have someone yell at you. | ||
| It's like working with a deadline. | ||
| You ever work with a deadline and you realize what you accomplished? | ||
| And then when you're on your own again, you're like, yeah. | ||
| Fucking lazy bitch. | ||
| What's wrong with me? | ||
| I've worked with a deadline a few times from the road, and I'm like, holy shit how much work I just accomplished this weekend. | ||
| And then it's usually the opposite thought, like, holy shit, I went the entire weekend without doing one product. | ||
| I got up, and I went down to do the show, and I dropped off four times, and that's it, and that's the day. | ||
| It's amazing how much time you can waste. | ||
| But it's a crazy feeling when you set the bar really high, And you accomplish something in a short period of time. | ||
| You accomplish a lot of things. | ||
| Because then, you know, you've got to keep that pace up. | ||
| That's brutal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| It's very hard. | ||
| The creative pace. | ||
| This has nothing to do with Onnit.com. | ||
| That's all right. | ||
| That was a fun time. | ||
| But whatever, folks. | ||
| Go buy some vitamins for your brain. | ||
| Some Shroom Tech Sport. | ||
| We have hemp protein powder, we have kettlebells, as I said, battle ropes, all kinds of cool shit, all of it. | ||
| Health and fitness related and mental focus and clarity related. | ||
| You still have the sleep one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's not a sleep one. | ||
| It's a mood booster. | ||
| It's a 5-HTP and L-tryptophan supplement. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does it have melatonin in it? | |
| No. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| I should know that. | ||
| Let's Google it. | ||
| Because it's... | ||
| Bing it. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| Don't you bing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bing all of it. | |
| What it does... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you get boot blade, Joe? | |
| What it does is it's 5-HTP. It makes your brain produce serotonin. | ||
| And... | ||
| L-tryptophan converts to 5-HTP. So it, like, literally, it acts as... | ||
| Sort of a time-released formula for helping your body produce essentially what makes you happy. | ||
| But people have heard, because I haven't tried it, but I've heard other people talk about since they started, they sleep better. | ||
| They said, they told me. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of things that can make you sleep better. | ||
| Zinc, zinc's a good one. | ||
| Zinc, magnesium stuff. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, that stuff is good. | ||
| It really helps you really get a good deep sleep. | ||
| But a lot of people have a good success with melatonin. | ||
| Melatonin has... | ||
| Yeah, I've tried valerian root, but that gave me psychedelic dreams. | ||
| Crazy dreams. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Have you ever tried it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to now. | |
| You have to try it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That seems amazing. | |
| I've had bananas fucking dreams on that thing before. | ||
| You turn into a gnome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, that's awesome. | |
| It's like nature sleeping. | ||
| The craziest shit I've ever done is the alpha brain dreams. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, alpha brain. | ||
| Especially, it seems like the old formula may be fucked with your head even more than the new formula. | ||
| Either that or I'm used to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just got headaches. | |
| I'm not sure. | ||
| But what it used to do to me was give me these crazy lucid dreams. | ||
| They were really strange because they were so much more potent than my normal dreams. | ||
| This is how I describe it. | ||
| My normal dreams are like A bubble that a kid would blow when they're blowing those soap bubbles. | ||
| It's so fragile. | ||
| These dreams were like basketballs. | ||
| They were hard. | ||
| They were real. | ||
| It was really strange because I was aware that I was dreaming, but I was still able to maintain the dream state. | ||
| I've never been able to do that before. | ||
| I've maybe been able to do that for brief seconds. | ||
| I've never tried. | ||
| Apparently there's this thing called Lucid dreaming, where you can actually practice certain techniques that can aid you into literally manipulating your dreams. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I've never tried it. | ||
| I'm too scared that I would like that too much and I would fucking forget real life. | ||
| I'm fucking badass in my dreams. | ||
| Love a good dream. | ||
| I would be worried. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would be worried that I wouldn't dedicate enough time to real life. | |
| That's like virtual living, right? | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| There are times when you wake up from a dream and you're like, the dream was so awesome. | ||
| You want to go back to sleep. | ||
| I don't know if anybody's that much of a master that they can really control it that much. | ||
| I think a little bit, if I focus on what I want to dream about next, I just did it yesterday. | ||
| I don't know why, but I wanted to dream about Phyllis Diller. | ||
| I was obsessed with her yesterday. | ||
| I'm like, I dreamed about Phyllis Diller, and I went to sleep and I did. | ||
| It's Phyllis Diller, wow. | ||
| Why were you obsessed with Phyllis Diller? | ||
| I think because Tommy's cousin came over and Phyllis Diller sent me a note that I had framed. | ||
| She encouraged me before she died in my career, so I just have this bond with her. | ||
| I love her. | ||
| I'm fascinated with her life and everything. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I just wanted to, I don't know, want to talk to her or something. | |
| Phyllis. | ||
| So did you dream about her? | ||
| I dreamt about her house, yes. | ||
| I dreamt that I slept in her bed and that it split in two and I fell on the floor. | ||
| We've got to give you some alpha brain. | ||
| See if it fucks with your head. | ||
| I think it's too late. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hit that joint. | |
| You take the alpha brain, you'll come back with like, I just did a year tour with Phyllis Diller. | ||
| You'll have like stories about the road. | ||
| Anyway, we've got to get through these stupid commercials. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't hit that joint. | |
| I'm afraid of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm having a heart attack right now. | |
| Anyway, go to Onnit.com, use the code name Rogan, and you will save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| All right, you freak, freak bitches. | ||
| That sound good? | ||
| I like that. | ||
| We are also brought to you by our newest sponsor, Kerosene Games. | ||
| Kerosene Games makes this badass game called Blade Slinger for the iPad and the iPhone. | ||
| And it's a really good game that was made from the ground up for a pad instead of like a computer game that they port over. | ||
| This is an actual high-end game. | ||
| A really beautiful, graphic, fun game that was created just for the iPad. | ||
| And the graphics are insane. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| Really cool looking. | ||
| I mean, what they can do now is so amazing. | ||
| Even just an iPad, the computer processing power and the visual processing power allows them to do some really cool shit. | ||
| The game's only $2.99, so if you have an iPad, it's called Blade Slinger. | ||
| Go and check it out, you dirty freaks. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Ting. | ||
| This is the last one, I swear. | ||
| Rogan.ting.com? | ||
| Isn't that what it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's always ting.com backslash rogan-audibleflashlight.com Dude, don't confuse people you fuck! | |
| You work here! | ||
| That's not it. | ||
| I'll find it. | ||
| I'll find the URL while I do this. | ||
| But what's important is what Ting is. | ||
| And Ting is a cell phone company that uses Sprint's backbone. | ||
| But what they do is they make it really fair. | ||
| And they don't have any contracts. | ||
| You can quit whenever you want. | ||
| It's the same service that you get with Sprint, but it's like they don't have you as locked into this sort of a shitty situation that you can get in with a regular cell phone company. | ||
| A regular cell phone company, when you buy a phone, like say if you buy a phone and it costs like $500, what it really costs is probably more than that. | ||
| It probably really costs like $700, but they take it and they apply it to your contract so that if you are going to stick with them for three years and give them X amount of dollars a month, then it's worth it for them To sort of take that money, take a little piece of that and pay off that phone. | ||
| Well, when you want to leave early, that's why you have to pay these cancellation fees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cancellation fees, yeah. | |
| Like several hundred dollars, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That doesn't happen with Ting. | ||
| You can get the exact same services you get with Sprint. | ||
| So it's like really good cell phone services, shit Joey Diaz swears by. | ||
| And it's, um, you also get... | ||
| Sprint Dog. | ||
| It's the best cocksucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck do I gotta tell you? | |
| I'm telling you, Sprint is not to be fucked with. | ||
| Sprint is not to be fucked with Joe Rogan.Ting.com, that's what it is. | ||
| If you go there, you will save. | ||
| It's Rogan.Ting.com. | ||
| If you go there, you will save 50 bucks off of any of their Android devices. | ||
| I have the Samsung Galaxy S3, and it's the shit. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| It's a beautiful phone. | ||
| It used to be that it was iPhones or crap, and that's just not the case anymore. | ||
| These really beautiful, big Android phones, they get my dick hard. | ||
| Oops, I said it. | ||
| I said it. | ||
| The client's not happy about this. | ||
| It's not a part of the written text. | ||
| We're listening to your live read. | ||
| Once you get online with one of those, man, it's so hard to go back to even an iPhone. | ||
| When you get online and you look at websites, it's almost like having a tablet. | ||
| They're fucking huge. | ||
| It's like 4.8 inches and they have a Galaxy. | ||
| I don't know if these guys carry it. | ||
| But there's a new one that Samsung has called the Galaxy Note that is just preposterous. | ||
| It is a fucking iPad Mini. | ||
| I've seen those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've seen those. | |
| It's an iPad Mini, goddammit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's huge! | |
| But I get such screen envy when I see it. | ||
| I got that from the Galaxy S3, having that thing. | ||
| It's changed the way I look at it. | ||
| I used to think they were too big. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| It was pretty cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All these phones have 7 o'clock on them, I just realized. | |
| Dude, it's a lucky number, man. | ||
| A lot of people have superstitious. | ||
| A lot of people are scared. | ||
| You see somebody at a show take pictures, when they take pictures with that Samsung, you look at it and you're like, whoa. | ||
| It's like someone brought up the photo on a computer. | ||
| It's so much clearer and brighter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's huge! | |
| It's a huge goddamn screen. | ||
| Anyway, go to rogan.ting.com. | ||
| And you will save 50 bucks off of any of those Android devices. | ||
| All right, you dirty fucks. | ||
| Thank you all for listening in. | ||
| Brian, play the music. | ||
| Let's get a rolling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| That was one of our longest yet most enjoyable commercials. | ||
| Fantastic. | ||
| Because it wasn't... | ||
| I mean, it wasn't and wasn't. | ||
| You know what I'm saying, man? | ||
| I know what you're saying, darling. | ||
| You with me, brother? | ||
| I mean, it was a little bit of both going on there. | ||
| Tom Segura and Christina P. I gotta give you guys world champion funniest couple. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Thanks, man. | ||
| And the breaking of the mold of every entertainer with an entertainer is in a shit relationship. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You guys have totally fixed that. | ||
| Yeah, thanks, man. | ||
| Because it's always like the dude's funny and the chick is good looking and he writes jokes for her. | ||
| It's like one of those. | ||
| Or it's that the guy's funny and he takes the girl with him on the road. | ||
| It's very rare that there's equals. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But you guys are both really funny, and you really love each other. | ||
| You get along, and it's like a weird situation. | ||
| And hot. | ||
| We're both hot. | ||
| We're both hot as fuck. | ||
| Hairy. | ||
| That's a weird situation. | ||
| It actually works. | ||
| So lucky. | ||
| Yeah, we get asked about it all the time. | ||
| Yeah, we do. | ||
| You think one of you guys would suck? | ||
| It's usually one of you sucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Am I right? | ||
| For sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, definitely. | |
| It's usually like you have to hang out with this guy's really annoying wife who's also a comedian or really annoying husband who's also a comedian. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And she actually has less tolerance for it. | ||
| When we go out with other couples, she's always like, don't leave me at the table with some boring fucking cunt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hate it. | |
| While you go have fun with the guys. | ||
| Because here's why. | ||
| When we hang out with other comics, it's usually dudes and then they have wives that maybe not are as inspiring. | ||
| And I always want to hang out with the dudes and talk shit about comedy. | ||
| And then I always get stuck swapping fucking recipes for Apple Brown Betty. | ||
| I'm like, I don't want to talk about clothes, man. | ||
| Let's talk about some shit. | ||
| They defined you by your vagina. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| You got lumped into the wrong group. | ||
| Oh shit, speaking of which, did you hear about this fucking 50-year-old guy who had a sex change and now he's playing college basketball? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He's playing college woman's basketball. | ||
| He's enormous. | ||
| Wait, now did he... | ||
| I don't know about... | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| You just made me really think about this. | ||
| Did he have college eligibility? | ||
| Or did he already go to college as a man and then since he switched sexes he has new four years of eligibility to play? | ||
| Because that would be so awesome if he did that way. | ||
| Dude, this thing, this guy, okay, I'm probably a very sweet person, I shouldn't say thing, but this dude Slash woman. | ||
| Woman now? | ||
| Did I say woman? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The woman that used to be a man, let's call her a woman, she is six foot six. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's like a giant man. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
| And she's decided that she's a girl now. | ||
| So she has the sex change operation, but she's still a 6'6 man-bodied woman. | ||
| That's a big bitch, dude. | ||
| I'm looking at all these little girls that are playing with her. | ||
| Man, if your daughter was playing basketball with a dude that was pretending to be a woman or decided to become a woman, You can't... | ||
| That's all fine and good for the real world if you want to define yourself as a woman. | ||
| But when you enter into athletics, there's a reason why there is fucking different categories for men and women. | ||
| That shit's not fair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it's not fair? | |
| You think it's an unfair advantage? | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's an enormous man! | |
| That's crazy! | ||
| The other thing is, too, is because the one thing that's hard, I think, when you're not involved in this, but you see somebody, let's say, who gets... | ||
| A sex change. | ||
| And I'm saying outside of sports, right? | ||
| Just in life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You go, they're like, hey, you know, I've decided to do this. | ||
| I'm a woman now. | ||
| And you go, okay. | ||
| You want to be like, fine, you're a woman now. | ||
| But there's that part in my mind that always goes, yeah, but when I look at your hands, even if you've had surgery and everything, those are still men's hands. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Those are men's arms that you have and legs. | ||
| Even if you have, like... | ||
| Implants in and you change your whole face, that's still a guy's bicep in your arm. | ||
| Even though you had a sex change. | ||
| So if you take that to sports... | ||
| So he's playing as a man, yeah. | ||
| That's where it all counts. | ||
| That's where your original biology... | ||
| And it counts the other way as well because there was a guy who was a Muay Thai fighter and he was really like a high-level fighter and he decided to get a sex change. | ||
| And then once he got a sex change, he literally got his balls cut off, stopped producing testosterone, and started getting the fuck beat out of him. | ||
| No shit, really? | ||
| Yeah, because he was still fighting men. | ||
| He was still fighting men, but he didn't have balls anymore. | ||
| So it's not exactly that this six foot tall person that was a man is a woman, but it's not exactly that he's a man either. | ||
| He's sort of in this weird limbo state. | ||
| But he still has this unfair mechanical advantage. | ||
| That's a giant person. | ||
| He's got huge shoulders, huge hands. | ||
| If you're playing against a little girl, that's just stupid. | ||
| Well, and it is like those athletes, weren't they saying that the people that had prosthetic limbs, like the runners with those special, you know what I mean, those legs? | ||
| Prosthetics. | ||
| Yeah, that they were like, that's an unfair advantage. | ||
| You're so lucky to be crippled. | ||
| Well, the one guy made it in. | ||
| Well, I don't want to say that anybody would be lucky to be crippled. | ||
| No, but they were saying that. | ||
| But I don't think they were really saying that. | ||
| What they were really saying is, realistically, let's look at what's going on here. | ||
| There's a mechanical advantage to those things that surpasses the human body. | ||
| These are springs. | ||
| You're running on these crazy sprinting springs. | ||
| Those things work like a motherfucker. | ||
| It seems like they work better than legs. | ||
| So that is different. | ||
| Well, one thing that can't happen for sure with those on is you cannot tear your Achilles. | ||
| It's like, literally, you don't have one. | ||
| You can't tear your ACL if it's up to your quad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the whole thing is really, I mean, you would never want to say that there's anyone that has any sort of advantage to being handy. | ||
| No, no, that's not the point. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, it's a sensitive issue. | ||
| I mean, we're all very lucky that we're not. | ||
| Thank God, of course. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| But when you do see that you can run faster with that, at what point in time do you let that go? | ||
| If the world record becomes a guy with robot legs, you know what I mean? | ||
| How do you define the athletics then? | ||
| That guy was in the Olympics this summer with prosthetics. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The sprinter? | ||
| Was he South African? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I forget where he was from. | ||
| I think he was. | ||
| It was cool to see him in the event. | ||
| He didn't win or medal, which made it... | ||
| Less of an issue. | ||
| You know, people didn't press it, but they were pressing it before he got in. | ||
| Everybody was, people were saying... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or that South African runner, remember, when we were in South Africa? | |
| Was she, she was both genders or something, and everyone was upset about her? | ||
| No, well that was, people were accusing her of being a hermaphrodite, and they put her through this way. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's right. | ||
| Was she at the end of the day? | ||
| No, she's a woman, but she was put through really brutal, horrendous scrutiny. | ||
| And people were awful to her. | ||
| And she definitely is a woman, 100%? | ||
| I'm almost certain. | ||
| I just forgot her name. | ||
| I blanked on her name, too. | ||
| But she is South African. | ||
| And the country, they adore her. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because people really were horrible to her during the scrutiny. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm fairly certain she's legitimately... | ||
| Gosh, you know, though, I mean, if you go through the trouble of cutting your peener off and doing all that, just let the girl play basketball. | ||
| But that's not her. | ||
| The problem is it's not let her play basketball. | ||
| It's let her play basketball with the little girl. | ||
| There's all these little girls that are playing. | ||
| They're like, they just went to college. | ||
| They're 18. This is a 50-year-old man. | ||
| This is fucking bananas. | ||
| That one is crazy. | ||
| Okay, that shit is bananas. | ||
| What school is this? | ||
| Let me see here. | ||
| Poor guy, poor girl. | ||
| Yes, you're right, you're right, absolutely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For God's sake. | |
| Yeah, you know, God bless him. | ||
| Yeah, his whole life, he just wanted to be on the ladies' team, and now it's happening. | ||
| Yes, sort of, but it's not fair. | ||
| I mean, it's just not. | ||
| Life's never fair. | ||
| The problem is, once you start having competitive athletics, it's like with any other thing in life, do whatever you want to do. | ||
| If you want to go to work with a dress, if you're nice, I'll talk to you. | ||
| I don't need you to dress like a man. | ||
| Whatever your fucking thing is, if you're nice, I don't care, I'll talk to you. | ||
| But you have to recognize the mechanical advantages to the male frame. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| I mean, the tendon strength, even when there's a depletion of testosterone and your body sort of shrivels up a little bit and you lose muscle mass, it's still a goddamn man! | ||
| And the overwhelming evidence is if you look at men's, if you line up men's and women's results for athletic competition, there's a reason why every single one, basically, the men are more advanced. | ||
| They run faster, they jump higher. | ||
| But then you guys are going to get the anomalies. | ||
| Every now and then there is a woman that can do as many push-ups as the male Marines or whatever that is. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Don't they have the same athletic standards in the Marines? | ||
| But you might get a group of weak guys, one really strong girl, but if you have all the athletes, if you have just the strongest guys and the strongest girls, the strongest guys. | ||
| The strongest guys will always be physically stronger. | ||
| There are fucking freaks out there. | ||
| I've seen some of these guys in the UFC that fight three, four, five rounds and don't even get fucking tired. | ||
| You know what kind of incredible shape some of those fucking guys are in? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Amazing. | |
| That's like some high-level shit. | ||
| And at that level, those men, the really high-level men, there's nothing like that. | ||
| Women can't really keep up with that. | ||
| And that's one of the big accusations against this one woman who is one of the top women in the world. | ||
| She was stripped of her tie. | ||
| Her name is Cyborg. | ||
| And she's built like a strong dude. | ||
| Like, Brian, can you pull up a picture? | ||
| Pull up a picture of Cyborg, muscular. | ||
| Dude, wait till you see how scary this chick is. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And she fought this other chick, Gina Carano. | ||
| And Gina Carano was a beautiful son of a... | ||
| I guess her dad's like a famous football player. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, beautiful, smart, tough chick. | ||
| And this Brazilian bitch just ragdolled her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It was horrific. | ||
| It was a vicious, vicious beating. | ||
| But everybody accuses her of doing steroids. | ||
| Doesn't everybody, though? | ||
| So then she got caught. | ||
| She did get caught. | ||
| And she got caught. | ||
| She tested hot. | ||
| And when she tested hot, everybody was like, duh. | ||
| Like, I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's one picture of her. | ||
| There's some other pictures of her, Brian, like while she's celebrating in the cage. | ||
| Because that's her at a weigh-in. | ||
| And there's a difference between you at a weigh-in and you when you're actually fighting. | ||
| Because when you're actually fighting, that's when your muscles pump up with blood. | ||
| Like that one on the far right, you see her, Brian? | ||
| Right here? | ||
| Yeah, right there. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| Right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She looks like Kate from Lost mixed with the Swedish. | |
| Are you kidding me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Grandma. | |
| Anyway. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| She's felt like LaRon Landry. | ||
| She's a very, very muscular woman. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| She's a tank. | ||
| And she's scary talented as a striker. | ||
| She's really... | ||
| For a woman, she is fucking vicious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I believe it. | |
| It's so... | ||
| Okay, and as feminist as I totally am, there's some part of me that I look at her and you're like, why? | ||
| Why, sweetie? | ||
| Well, because she wants to go to war. | ||
| And I like that and I respect that because I, too, am an angry fucking... | ||
| But at the same time, you're like, oh, I just want to protect her. | ||
| I don't want her to get her face hit. | ||
| She came up with the craziest camp in Brazil. | ||
| There she is. | ||
| She came up with the Shoot the Bucks. | ||
| Shoot the Bucks. | ||
| And Shoot the Bucks camp is all these badass Brazilian Muay Thai guys. | ||
| They're fucking animals. | ||
| And she was married to the other dude, Cyborg... | ||
| Evangelista. | ||
| And he's a fucking beast, too. | ||
| He's an old-school MMA legend. | ||
| So the two of them were just like the scariest couple ever. | ||
| Are they breeding super babies? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| I don't think they're together anymore, unfortunately. | ||
| But yeah, she is a terrifying woman. | ||
| Did you, by the way, did you get... | ||
| I told you I got to see a little bit of the fights this weekend when I was in the hotel. | ||
| I was in Calgary. | ||
| And I saw you on, and then when Brown beat Swick, it was, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which was... | ||
| Yeah, he was... | ||
| There was some great... | ||
| That was mostly a ground game fight, if I remember, right? | ||
| No, it was... | ||
| I don't think they went to the... | ||
| Well, they went to the ground. | ||
| He got him in a darse, and then he almost got him... | ||
| I think he almost got him in a triangle and a darse. | ||
| Yeah, I thought Brown almost had him. | ||
| Yeah, in the first round, right? | ||
| The first round, and then the second round he stopped him. | ||
| Is that what happened, or did they stop him at the end of the first round? | ||
| Was that the first round? | ||
| I think it was. | ||
| No, I don't remember. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I don't remember when exactly it happened, but my God. | ||
| And then he knocked him. | ||
| What a sensational knockout. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Great knockout. | ||
| But afterwards, did you know or did you see or did he tell you when Brown was waiting for you? | ||
| Like what aired on Fox was that he was standing there and he was looking around. | ||
| He was like, hey, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe. | |
| He's like, what's up man? | ||
| And then I cut to commercial. | ||
| Well, he even said that to me. | ||
| He looked over at me. | ||
| It was totally not my call. | ||
| I didn't assume. | ||
| If you see me in the cage or not, it's like it's not my call. | ||
| They tell me we want an interview. | ||
| Or they tell me there's no time for an interview. | ||
| And a lot of times they say there's no time. | ||
| And when you do a card like the Fox card, I think they were already worried about time. | ||
| And it turned out to be a good worry because the fight, I believe, started after it was supposed to end. | ||
| So for people that set their DVRs, they didn't even get the fight. | ||
| A lot of people didn't get the fight, apparently. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Yeah, oh no. | ||
| So that's why. | ||
| They were behind the time. | ||
| I don't understand how they produce a show like that. | ||
| I don't really even go in the truck and peek. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| But I know that when you have live fights, it's really difficult to judge how much actual time you have. | ||
| It could be like three first round knockouts, or it could be three really long decisions where Or it could be three decisions where a guy gets kicked in the balls and you have to stop the time for five minutes. | ||
| Sometimes shit can drag on past where you think it's going to be. | ||
| So they err on the side of caution and they cut out interviews when they can. | ||
| You've got to have much tighter time restrictions on a network like Fox than a normal, obviously a pay-per-view or even a cable thing. | ||
| That's like hard out and ends for other shows that you can't go late into, right? | ||
| Yeah, I guess it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You should just get walkie-talkies. | |
| Between? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that would probably solve everything. | |
| Walkie-talkies? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who would have a walkie-talkie? | |
| Hey, the next fight's on. | ||
| Come on out, you know? | ||
| Who's talking about you? | ||
| No, no, you don't. | ||
| I don't think you know what you're talking about, silly bitch. | ||
| They should hire you as a consultant. | ||
| You talk about, like, misunderstanding. | ||
| You should produce these shows. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| What we're saying is if communication's a problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why don't you go into your next production meeting and be like... | ||
| I'm just going to bring him and he's going to talk for me from now on. | ||
| Can we talk about the guys getting kicked in the balls? | ||
| Don't they have something to protect their... | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| They do, but a lot of guys, they wear the wrong cups. | ||
| If you just wear a regular jockstrap, those things move around. | ||
| They're designed for sports. | ||
| They're really not designed for dudes kicking you in the dick. | ||
| The things that you need when someone's kicking you in the dick, you need a more comprehensive approach. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A swift dick kick. | |
| Yeah, you can't be settling for that softball bullshit cup. | ||
| Because those kicks are hard as fuck. | ||
| Inside leg kicks to the dick are one of the most painful things ever. | ||
| They're so horrible. | ||
| Oh, the Muay Thai kick? | ||
| Is that what you're talking about? | ||
| I've been kicked in the balls so much. | ||
| For real. | ||
| I've probably been kicked in the balls at least a hundred times in my life. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Really hard. | ||
| It's amazing that you can get through those. | ||
| Wear a cup, yeah. | ||
| Oh, but always with a cup on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I don't think I've ever been kicked without a cup. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| Well, there's videos about that. | ||
| Yeah, the cup protects you a little bit. | ||
| The cup protects you a little bit. | ||
| It keeps them from rupturing, I think is what it does. | ||
| Oh, rupture! | ||
| They can rupture! | ||
| Oh yeah, guys have lost testicles because they were sparring and they got kicked and they didn't have a cup on. | ||
| What about one of those people who get the high heels and the ball fetish videos? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How does that shit just not burst open? | |
| I've got to send you. | ||
| You've played the one before. | ||
| I got that. | ||
| There's a video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't get that. | |
| That shit's frightening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's some that are clearly faked. | |
| You can be like, oh, they've got a cup on or whatever. | ||
| But then I have one, I'll send it to you, where she's kicking him really hard. | ||
| And he's got underwear on. | ||
| Yeah, it's in Spanish. | ||
| And then she's just like, suffer, suffer, I want you to suffer. | ||
| And you're like, alright, but maybe he has a cup on. | ||
| Then she takes the underwear off, and she fucking, she's like punting a football, kicking him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, BAM! With heels on. | |
| With heels on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
With heels, yeah. | |
| His knees are shaking, and he starts to bleed. | ||
| He starts bleeding. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And he's just taking it like... | ||
| He likes it, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He loves it. | |
| And then she squeezes them when they're bleeding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So hard. | |
| And goes, sangria! | ||
| What does she say in Spanish? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bleed, you bleed! | |
| Yes. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| She just smacking them. | ||
| So unnecessary. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| Tell her to stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The one I saw is she was taking the heel and she was grinding it like a cigarette butt after a rainy day. | |
| You know, like you're just grinding it into this concrete. | ||
| That's what she was doing, these balls with high heels on. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| How could someone want that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What is the switch that goes wrong in your brain where you want someone to hurt you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hate these dirty balls. | |
| I hate them. | ||
| That's why it's Friday. | ||
| You make me do bad things! | ||
| I don't think they can even want it. | ||
| I don't think they even want it. | ||
| You don't think they want it, but they do it. | ||
| I think something that leads them to discover, not that they want it, but they're like, oh, my reaction to that is not what most people go through, which is like, God, that's the worst thing ever. | ||
| All of a sudden they get that and something happens inside where it's like they get a rush, some type of adrenaline, and then they're like, oh wow, there's a pleasure to that too. | ||
| It's a power thing. | ||
| Isn't it an S&M thing? | ||
| It's being submissive. | ||
| Are you watching one right now? | ||
| I'm scared. | ||
| You guys got me scared. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's relinquishing your power. | |
| I don't think you're allowed to show this. | ||
| You can't show balls, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it's blurred out. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| For real. | ||
| Like, he has it spread out like it looks like a frog on a table. | ||
| Brad over at Ustream is our friend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just kidding. | |
| We can't get him in trouble. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is a High Heel commercial. | |
| Oh. | ||
| You ever listen to Dan Savage? | ||
| He has the Savage Love podcast. | ||
| He's a sex columnist and he says that those fetishes come from your childhood. | ||
| Like let's say if you got a fetish for raincoats, when you were a little kid, you associated some pleasure with your raincoat, right? | ||
| Like you'd rub against it and maybe that gave you a boner. | ||
| And then later in life, that's what you associate your sexual needs with. | ||
| That's what you have like a latex kind of thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So maybe this kid got kicked in the balls when he was a little boy by like a little girl that he liked or something. | ||
| And we got a boner. | ||
| How many dudes have gotten kicked in the balls by girls they liked to the point where it became a thing? | ||
| There you go. | ||
| How is it possible? | ||
| How is it possible that so many dudes became turned on by that idea? | ||
| That's every fetish guy, model guy's story. | ||
| When I was four, I got kicked in the balls by Molly. | ||
| That bitch turned me. | ||
| Turned me like a werewolf. | ||
| And I became a ball kick fetishist. | ||
| Holy shit, that's gotta hurt. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| It's so painful. | ||
| I can't imagine that anybody would want it. | ||
| Well, I always feel so tentative handling Tommy's nuts. | ||
| That's so nice. | ||
| Because they're so gentle and sweet, and the thought of hurting them. | ||
| And I asked for a little more. | ||
| I could give him a little tug, give him a little something. | ||
| Did you know that the size of a man's testicles, the size of a human's testicles, is proportionate to the promiscuity of the women in his surrounding area? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What? | ||
| With all primates. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like that. | |
| The size of the testicles rises and falls depending on how big a hooker the girls in your neighborhood are. | ||
| My dad must have grew up around some real sluts then, dude. | ||
| Isn't that great? | ||
| Giant balls. | ||
| My dad's balls are huge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were just talking about this. | |
| I was talking about last night. | ||
| I was like, I saw him. | ||
| I went into his room and he was like, I think he was putting on underwear. | ||
| So from behind, I go, Jesus Christ, man. | ||
| And he was like, what? | ||
| I go, you got like donkey nuts. | ||
| He's like, all right, Tommy. | ||
| Like, knock it off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was the biggest balls I've ever seen. | |
| So he must have been around some real whores. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| It's probably his, not necessarily him, but you know, the generations before him that made him, you know, it's like it becomes a genetic thing and it all comes from being around more promiscuous women. | ||
| Yeah, that's why chimps have the biggest balls. | ||
| Chimps have enormous balls. | ||
| Their dicks aren't even as big as ours. | ||
| But their balls are way bigger. | ||
| Their balls are so big. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chimps are down to fuck all day. | |
| What's the other monkey? | ||
| Bonobos. | ||
| They're an actual cousin to the chimp. | ||
| It's a separate type of chimp. | ||
| They don't just masturbate. | ||
| They do everything except mother and son. | ||
| Mother and son is the only thing they don't do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, and we were talking about that on the podcast. | ||
| Someone had speculated that that might be because they had figured out that there was, like, bad things happen to the baby when the mother has sex with the son. | ||
| Oh, they, like, figured it out, basically. | ||
| Maybe, but the problem with that is they're fucking all day. | ||
| They're fucking everybody. | ||
| Right, and isn't it to... | ||
| They would have to, like, really be sure. | ||
| Isn't it to kind of, they use sex as a social tool to smooth over differences? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Homosexual sex. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| So great. | ||
| They just fuck each other. | ||
| They go crazy. | ||
| And they're very rarely violent with each other. | ||
| It's really fascinating. | ||
| Because of that, you think? | ||
| Yeah, for sure, definitely. | ||
| But it's amazing how that evolved. | ||
| How does that evolve? | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| How do you get to a point where you've got this weird society of loving chimps that just fuck all the time? | ||
| And then we look at them like they're sick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They're the only primates that we know of that don't kill each other or don't kill each other a lot. | ||
| I mean, maybe, you know, there's probably some aberrations even in the bonobo world where some shit goes down. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Someone's got to regulate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some bonobos' dicks don't work. | ||
| Now, I heard somewhere that before we had traditional marriage, that it actually made sense for the woman to bang as many dudes in the village so that the paternity of her children was unknown, and she would actually have more men to protect the offspring. | ||
| Like, that to me would make sense if I had all of you guys, right? | ||
| Tommy, Red Band, Joe, and that guy all doing me, and then... | ||
| I make a baby. | ||
| Whose baby is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We all have to take care of it. | |
| They become community babies. | ||
| If you guys want to set that up. | ||
| Terrence McKenna. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I said sinks to the bottom. | |
| Terence McKenna always thought that in our distant history that it's likely that we had these polygamous groups of people that did psychedelic drugs together. | ||
| His idea of the long-forgotten paradise was back when he believed civilization was first being created. | ||
| He believed that those civilizations that came up, they were all just eating mushrooms, tripping their balls off, and fucking each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then Club Med came. | ||
| That took a long time. | ||
| I think your timeline might be a little bit off. | ||
| Sounds like a fun time. | ||
| McKenna's world. | ||
| But this idea was that at one time there was enough people doing ego suppressing things like eating mushrooms. | ||
| It's all like really speculative. | ||
| The idea of trying to figure out how many different cultures were doing psychedelic drugs when they came up with their religion, when they came up with a lot of their ideas about life and studying the cosmos. | ||
| A lot of those cultures that really got heavily into that stuff were also really heavily into psychedelic drugs. | ||
| Like the Mayans, making their crazy fucking calendars. | ||
| The Mayans did a lot of mushrooms, man. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| They ate mushrooms and raw chocolate together. | ||
| There's some plant that had an LSD-like effect. | ||
| I don't remember what it was, but I went on a tour of Chichen Itza with this guy who was a professor. | ||
| And it was really cool. | ||
| You could hire him as a guide. | ||
| And he was so knowledgeable, man. | ||
| It was just really interesting. | ||
| Him talking about all the different traditions and why this was created and that was created. | ||
| But he took me to this room. | ||
| He's like, this is where they did their rituals, taking some sort of a psychedelic plant. | ||
| That had an LSD-like effect. | ||
| This was just like a culture of super-duper trippers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, when you see what they built, you're like, you could not have been of sound mind when you came up with this shit. | ||
| It's not logical. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| Well, they got to some weird places, weirder than anybody, where they fucking killed people so often that they had spots. | ||
| Like, we're going to kill them right here. | ||
| This is the altar. | ||
| They had altars where they would sacrifice people. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I saw one, I didn't, not in Mexico, I went to, in Peru, I went to Machu Picchu a couple times, and they had the, like, sacrificial room. | ||
| They showed you they were, like, on this table, just, people would voluntarily be sacrificed. | ||
| But what's the utility socially? | ||
| That you have to be high as fuck for, I think. | ||
| Is that the point to satisfy the gods? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You take a virgin or you take the strongest guy or whatever? | |
| There was a period when the Aztecs, when they killed 80,000 people. | ||
| Some insane number of people over, like, just a period of four days. | ||
| When there was one of the temples that was being built there, they, apparently, this is like, it's been, it's disputed whether or not they killed 80,000 or whether they killed, you know, whether it was only really 10,000 people exaggerated. | ||
| Like, there's some dispute as to how many people were actually killed. | ||
| But if the number there, they believe... | ||
| Is 80,000. | ||
| In 1487, the Aztec king, when they completed one of their pyramids, he killed every prisoner that was part of the construction. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| They built this shit for him and then he kills some insane amount of people over the course of four days. | ||
| I bet that's a lot of voluntarily dying too. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| This is so crazy that Duncan told me about this first. | ||
| And then I read it and I couldn't believe it. | ||
| And then I told a bunch of different people. | ||
| I go, did you know that this happened? | ||
| And I've had people go, fuck it did. | ||
| No, it didn't. | ||
| Like totally incredulous, walk away from me. | ||
| I've had to send them emails. | ||
| Like when I'm on that hunting show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Steve Rinella? | ||
| Great guy, man. | ||
| Really intelligent guy. | ||
| Very well-read guy. | ||
| And I told him about it. | ||
| He didn't believe it either. | ||
| He's like, there's no way. | ||
| I'm like, I'm telling you. | ||
| I'll send you the thing. | ||
| When you send someone the actual different stories and depictions of this This time in the 1400s, and you see that number, 80,000. | ||
| Can you even wrap your head around that? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
| They're not doing this with guns, folks, okay? | ||
| Wrap your head around 80,000 people getting cut to death. | ||
| Fucking the Rose Bowl. | ||
| In four days. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Rose Bowl, you're right. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh my crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God, it is. | |
| Everybody there has their throat slit and their heart pulled out of their chest. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| What a crazy motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, that's insane. | ||
| Yeah, they took shit to the next level. | ||
| Again, massive mushroom eaters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Trippers. | ||
| Big time trippers. | ||
| It's weird when you combine a lot of the interesting things about those cultures, a lot of the interesting discoveries. | ||
| There's very strange use of an hieroglyphic-like language that took us a long time to figure out. | ||
| They still work on some of the different, more complex things. | ||
| Character things in order and debate what exactly it means. | ||
| There's a great documentary, I think it's from Nat Geo, called Decoding the Maya. | ||
| I believe that's what it's called. | ||
| And it's really interesting to see these guys, these scholars, trying to figure out what the fuck this was. | ||
| This crazy language. | ||
| Well, the other thing that blows your mind every time, if you see something Mayan, Aztec, or the Incans, is when you see what they built, you can take today's greatest architect and be like, how would you do this here? | ||
| And they don't even know where to start. | ||
| These things were built, perfectly constructed, and stones that weigh 20 tons are laid on top of another stone and fits into it. | ||
| They have theories. | ||
| They're like, well, we think... | ||
| That they would pour water down here, and then you're like, how many people would it take to move this? | ||
| And they're like, oh, like 8,000. | ||
| And then we'd probably put it over here. | ||
| You're like, none of it makes sense. | ||
| Anybody that, like, there's people that will try to debunk anything. | ||
| And any time you bring up anything that seems even remotely paranormal, You know, like ghosts or fucking aliens. | ||
| Anything remotely paranormal. | ||
| They automatically try to go, fuck, there's no evidence for that. | ||
| That's all well and good until you get to giant stones. | ||
| And there's something about moving giant stones. | ||
| I'm like, listen, man, you've got to explain that. | ||
| You've got to explain that. | ||
| You can't just say... | ||
| Oh, well, they did that. | ||
| And, you know, they figured it out and they cut it out of this quarry right here. | ||
| Look, we have one. | ||
| One of my favorite pieces of evidence is where they show this one, one of these giant fucking big stone pillars they were carving out of this... | ||
| This one giant piece of granite. | ||
| And they stopped in the middle of the carving. | ||
| But because of the fact that it was partially completed, you could see the method of shaping it. | ||
| It was really kind of interesting. | ||
| They learned a lot from that. | ||
| So they believed that they did it with stones. | ||
| And they believed that they did it slowly. | ||
| It was a real painstaking process of slowly chipping away to get these... | ||
| How the fuck did they move it? | ||
| You gotta tell me how they moved it. | ||
| There's no cranes, there's no bulldozers. | ||
| We have to assume that they had some incredible knowledge of leverage and moving things and they figured out how to get things under it and leverage it and move it somehow. | ||
| But to pretend that that's not a mystery is really kind of disingenuous. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| But don't you, I find that, I mean, also too, human thinking changes over time. | ||
| And since the Enlightenment period and like the scientific revolution, we've discredited anything that's remotely ooky and mysterious. | ||
| Well, that's because there's so much ooky, mysterious stuff that's Bullshit! | ||
| It's such a problem. | ||
| There's so much bullshit out there. | ||
| Whether it's ghost bullshit or UFO bullshit, there's so many nutty motherfuckers with fake Bigfoot stories that are just muddying up the waters. | ||
| There's so much bullshit. | ||
| So of course a smart person is going to gravitate towards the scientific and more likely explanation for almost everything. | ||
| That's very true. | ||
| But it's not explaining everything. | ||
| But it's not. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's leaving things that are valid. | ||
| Not the bullshit story. | ||
| It's leaving the real thing also unexplored or unexplained. | ||
| And people just go like, whatever. | ||
| Well, what science can't figure out... | ||
| Is emotions and artwork. | ||
| And why do we like beautiful things? | ||
| And why do I love hearing certain songs? | ||
| Why has it changed the way my body feels? | ||
| What does it feel like to kiss somebody that you love? | ||
| Is that really just a bunch of chemicals that's floating around in your brain? | ||
| What is going on there? | ||
| Can science measure that? | ||
| The emotional human aspect of life is the one thing that science... | ||
| Can't really truly define yet, but who knows, man? | ||
| We might be able to break it down one day to ones and zeros, and you just program the right ones and zeros in your head, and you're happy all the time. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Let's keep dreaming, man. | ||
| Let's dream all day. | ||
| You ever talk to someone who has a problem with normal consciousness, and they need something like an SSRI or something like that, and then when they take it, they talk about how they finally can see life? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| We're going to be able to engineer that in people. | ||
| I guess we're doing it right now by people taking pills. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The chemicals you're saying? | |
| Just the meat and the cheese of it? | ||
| Well, the levels of certain things that make your consciousness operate. | ||
| Certain things like serotonin and dopamine. | ||
| The levels of these things. | ||
| How these things are produced. | ||
| They're going to be able to manipulate that shit. | ||
| And they're going to be able to manipulate your mood. | ||
| You're going to be way happier. | ||
| You're also going to be able to program or they'll be able to program the genes that are more desirable and leave out things that are not. | ||
| Well, that's one of the things I always felt. | ||
| If you look at the standard image of the alien, you know, the gray-eyed, the big gray-skinned, big-eyed alien, they're like real flimsy bodies, big giant heads. | ||
| If you look at them and you look at us and you look at a gorilla, they look more like us than a gorilla. | ||
| They do. | ||
| That might be what we're gonna do. | ||
| We're gonna get rid of all the whole sex organ thing. | ||
| We're gonna design these bulletproof bodies that can see through walls and we're just gonna take that on. | ||
| They're gonna be able to figure out a way to manipulate your genetics. | ||
| And there's never gonna be a dumb kid born again. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| We'll develop a new language, too. | ||
| Dumb people and your fucking kid's gonna be five going, hey, stupid, why are you doing like this? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Fucking super genetic freak kid at five who already learns three languages. | ||
| We'll stop speaking English at that point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just thoughts? | |
| We'll have a new language, and that'll mean everything. | ||
| Well, no, we'll just communicate with our consciousness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| We don't even have to speak anymore. | ||
| I wonder how much different the world would be if we all had the same language. | ||
| Makes a huge difference. | ||
| I wonder how much confusion when it comes to things that are going on in the Middle East. | ||
| I don't speak Israeli. | ||
| I don't speak Hebrew. | ||
| I don't know what the Palestinians are saying. | ||
| I don't know what the Saudis are saying. | ||
| I don't know what the Iranians are saying. | ||
| I can't hear that. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| So we're reliant. | ||
| Have you ever seen some of the translations that were attributed to Ahmadinejad? | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
| The Iranian... | ||
| Ahmadinejad. | ||
| Ahmadinejad. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ahmadinejad. | |
| There's like, people take things out of context that he said and make it much more inflammatory. | ||
| I mean, he says plenty of inflammatory shit, but they manipulate things. | ||
| And we don't know about that. | ||
| We don't know about that unless you really go and look. | ||
| And if he talked English, we would know. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Motherfucker, learn some English. | ||
| It's very true. | ||
| Right now, Iranians fucking listen to this podcast and I'm like, bitch! | ||
| I thought you were cool! | ||
| Here's the thing, too. | ||
| Just kidding, folks. | ||
| Universal language. | ||
| We should learn Farsi. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Universal language. | ||
| It always blows my mind, too, because it brings to the point when people say the word fluent, when they say they're fluent in another language, and you realize what it really means to be fluent. | ||
| Because people can speak A lot of a language and still miss tons of things, misunderstand things, and definitely not... | ||
| I speak pretty damn good Spanish from growing up in a Spanish-speaking household. | ||
| And I've seen... | ||
| I've watched court shows where they have an interpreter for somebody And I've been like, that's not what he said, and the person said it, you know, like that. | ||
| I've watched translations, like UN things, where you'll be like, oh, that person speaks, let's say, fluent Spanish, and you think, you're like, no, they speak great English, too, but it's actually like they speak 90% good English and can miss a word, an intention. | ||
| It can be shuffled around, and when you misunderstand something by a word, or I'll have it, you know, in Spanish, we're all You think I'm pretty much on point, but you miss just a little thing, a little detail that you don't miss when it's either your native language or you're so immersed in a language that you truly are fluent in it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're thinking while you're talking. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If you live in a country where... | ||
| If you live in your second language country, you can, over time, I think, really speak Tremendous, whatever that language might be. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| When you're surrounded by that language 24-7. | ||
| But short of that, you really do miss things. | ||
| You do. | ||
| That's also what leads to... | ||
| Misunderstandings lead to argument. | ||
| It leads to confrontation and violence sometimes because you misunderstood something. | ||
| It wasn't even a disagreement. | ||
| You just didn't say it right or understand it right. | ||
| Yeah, apparently there's a new app and you can talk to it and if you're talking in whatever language It translates it back to you in real time in English. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I haven't... | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I have no idea. | |
| Yeah, have you heard of this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Goddammit, I have to find about this. | ||
| I have to Google search it now. | ||
| Because somebody told me about it, and I haven't looked into it. | ||
| But this is apparently something either they're working on, and it's going to be released soon, or it's out now. | ||
| App that... | ||
| Because there is, like with my parents who are Hungarian speakers, and I can understand stuff. | ||
| But even when I speak to my father in English, right? | ||
| Like he has a whole different understanding of English. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| As I do in a different context. | ||
| Like when he speaks Hungarian, I still don't really understand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because of the different time and space that we grew up learning a language in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like even generational between your father who is American. | ||
| Like he didn't grow up with the same TV shows that you did or know the same references. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, you can misunderstand each other even then. | ||
| Yeah, this is a real thing. | ||
| It's an app that translates languages during real-time phone calls. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So you can call someone and you can be talking to someone in real fucking time, whatever they say in French or Spanish. | ||
| And it translates it to you. | ||
| It translates it to you in real time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Wow. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, we should try it. | |
| I know. | ||
| Yeah, we should. | ||
| But we don't know any other languages, so we wouldn't know what the fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I could call it Japanese, girl. | |
| No, you don't know shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, have you ever been to... | |
| This is a Kings of Taiwan website. | ||
| Did you see that tweet I did today? | ||
| No, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| It's Kings of Taiwan. | ||
| I was on Amazon last night looking up books and it said like where it says recommends to you and one was recommends to you Taiwan hookers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it was a Kindle book. | |
| And so I was like, what the fuck is this book? | ||
| And I started reading through it and then I was like, oh wait, this is from a website. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somebody just took it and made it a book on Amazon. | |
| So then I started going on this website and next thing I know I'm looking deep in this like report of how to get hookers in Taiwan and how there's like, it's accepted there and how like, It is so interesting. | ||
| But then I found myself on orbits like, how expensive is it going to go to Taiwan? | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| You were thinking about going to Taiwan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was lost, dude. | |
| Sometimes you just get lost on that barrel on the internet. | ||
| You just keep on going. | ||
| Fall down that hole, man. | ||
| You were thinking about actually going to Taiwan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, it looked really nice. | |
| I was looking at videos on YouTube and it looked like really pretty there and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, they'll put you in prison. | |
| People were saying it's like, it's better than Vegas. | ||
| You know, like it's like way better than Vegas. | ||
| But don't they put you in prison just for smoking pot there? | ||
| No, no, you just don't do drugs or anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You follow the rules. | |
| They have articles on that website about all the laws there and what to do, where to stay, and what soapies to get. | ||
| The soapies? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be dangerous. | |
| What's a soapy? | ||
| Soapy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So you guys have never been to Taiwan? | |
| Not yet. | ||
| We're planning on going for the Vegas experience pretty soon. | ||
| For the better than Vegas experience. | ||
| It's just really hard to get people to leave the country. | ||
| Especially now. | ||
| But if you're looking for a place with really good hookers... | ||
| Do it, man. | ||
| We're not the world champs. | ||
| And report back to us. | ||
| By no means. | ||
| That meant more just for the nightlife. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It just seems crazy there. | |
| Who sang that song? | ||
| I love the nightlife. | ||
| I love the boat. | ||
| It's a good game. | ||
| Oh, let's go ride. | ||
| We just had Yoshi on our show. | ||
| Oh, powerful Yoshi. | ||
| Talk about a man who's seen too much. | ||
| He believes in strictly the hooker experience. | ||
| Oh, poor Yoshi. | ||
| Yoshi is our friend. | ||
| He said Frankfurt is great and so is Amsterdam. | ||
| Frankfurt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that in Germany? | |
| That is. | ||
| Yoshi is a stand-up comedian friend of ours who always worked for porn companies. | ||
| So we would be at the comedy store and Yoshi would roll up with like a box of DVDs. | ||
| I always give you, oh, Asian Sensation, check it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Take your DVD. I think we had a box of... | |
| Thanks for giving me stuff to beat off to. | ||
| Actually, we did. | ||
| For a long time. | ||
| Part of my collection, it was secondhand Yoshi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was DVDs that Yoshi had given people that they gave to me. | |
| Fingerprints and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| It was all fetish. | ||
| Secondhand? | ||
| Yeah, that fetish stuff is strange as fuck. | ||
| Dudes will jerk off on girls' feet and shit. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of that. | ||
| Oh, that weirdness. | ||
| My favorite was Speck's Appeal. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Which was just girls in glasses. | ||
| In glasses. | ||
| And guys are always like, here it goes! | ||
| And all over the glasses. | ||
| And she's like, oh, you got all my glasses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| I'll try to go back to reading now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then they would always try to read their next sentence. | |
| My friend, she does bondage stuff, and she just got a letter the other day that was like, hey, you know, I want to be your gimp. | ||
| I just can't, you know, I have to wear a mask, but you can, like, peel off pieces of my arm and eat it if you want to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can do anything you want to. | |
| This is a person that you know? | ||
| She said that to you? | ||
| No, no, somebody wrote a letter, an email to this person I know. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I see. | |
| And he attached to a photo, and it's so horrible to look at. | ||
| You look at it and go, wow, that's a serial killer right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That guy right there is a serial killer. | |
| You know what they say about people that have this thing where they're always hurting themselves? | ||
| They cut themselves. | ||
| Some people have crazy genital piercings and shit like that. | ||
| They think that some people that do really freaky shit Might have a problem where they're not experiencing pain the right way. | ||
| Oh, that's interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And it leads them to more and more extreme things to really jolt themselves and feel it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, some people clearly don't have the same pain threshold that I would say the majority of people have. | ||
| You see some people do things and you're like, How the fuck did that not hurt you more than anything? | ||
| Well, you know that guy that got fucked to death by the horse? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy had piercings all over his balls. | ||
| His balls were like a three-ring binder. | ||
| I'm not joking. | ||
| He just click-clack, click-clack, click-clack, click-clack, click-clack. | ||
| So, like, this guy was just... | ||
| He was a straight up lokester. | ||
| It wasn't just getting horses to fuck him in the ass. | ||
| He was like running metal through his ball bag. | ||
| Horses. | ||
| Horses are crazy. | ||
| That horse fucked him to death. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that. | ||
| The craziest thing too about the horse fucking and being into that is the horse dick is second to the horse thrust. | ||
| Because an animal thrust, a thrust from a horse is impossible. | ||
| You can't, you could line up Eight people and be like, don't let them push. | ||
| And that horse is fucking through you. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| All they eat is grass, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Can you imagine if grass is a solution the whole time? | ||
| To everything? | ||
| Healthy as fuck and just run for a hundred miles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Horses just eat grass and they're yoked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a good diet, right? | ||
| They're so swole. | ||
| I mean, is there any animal more swole than a horse? | ||
| I was about to say they're like thoroughbreds and then I remembered they are thoroughbreds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A thoroughbred horse. | |
| There's no animal in the animal kingdom that is more yoked. | ||
| And they're fucking beautiful. | ||
| You see them and you're like, that looks like a majestic dog. | ||
| The fact that you can actually ride it and get it to do shit. | ||
| And with you on its back, it's like How's 35 miles an hour sound? | ||
| You know, you're like, alright. | ||
| I don't fuck with horses. | ||
| The real problem, though, is the people that want to do those jumping things and all that other kind of crazy shit with the horses, like those sports, equestrian sports. | ||
| People die during those times. | ||
| That's how Christopher Eve got fucked up. | ||
| And the horses get fucked up a lot, too. | ||
| Yeah, I don't get that. | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| I just feel like that's a scary proposition right there. | ||
| You're Planning on this animal, listening to you. | ||
| What if it pulls a muscle? | ||
| Are you ready for that? | ||
| I'm out. | ||
| If you understand bodies, animals, they strain things. | ||
| They break legs. | ||
| They twist ankles. | ||
| Shit goes wrong. | ||
| If shit's going wrong while that animal does that, you're attached to that fucking thing, and it's going to spike you into the ground with all of its weight on top of you. | ||
| Dude, fuck riding a horse. | ||
| Fuck riding a horse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not about it at all. | |
| I got bugged once. | ||
| I would never go back. | ||
| Give me virtual knuckles, girl. | ||
| I'm with you. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| I think they're beautiful, and I wouldn't mind riding a horse, like a trail horse and stuff like that, as long as it's a cool horse that some guy had had and taken care of. | ||
| You know that this is an easy-going horse that's always been loved and treated with respect. | ||
| Or like old Millie, the older one, who's been hanging out for 70 years. | ||
| I'm totally down with that, but the real problem is these fucking equestrian events. | ||
| We've got them jumping over shit. | ||
| Well, not only that. | ||
| To me, it's not respect for this beautiful, magnificent beast. | ||
| I mean, fuck you. | ||
| Sort of, but it is kind of cool to watch him jump. | ||
| It is, but I mean, have respect. | ||
| Like you said, this animal also has a mind of its own. | ||
| How do you know what it's going to do? | ||
| How do you know it wants to do that bullshit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't want to do that bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want someone on your back. | ||
| Especially because the animal can clearly see that there's nothing to the left of these fucking boards and nothing to the right. | ||
| It's like, why am I jumping when I can just go to the left? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| And I've seen footage of that before where the horse goes like... | ||
| Stop, stupid. | ||
| Why am I jumping this, man? | ||
| What am I, your fucking trained monkey? | ||
| We got options, man. | ||
| We got options. | ||
| I'm going around. | ||
| This is fucking stupid. | ||
| Why should I jump? | ||
| You're on my back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We should have a jumping contest. | |
| Who do you think jumps the highest? | ||
| The highest? | ||
| Not me. | ||
| Brian, are you broken today? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I'm broken. | |
| You gave me that joint. | ||
| Whatever the fuck was in that joint. | ||
| I told you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One hit. | |
| I did take one hit. | ||
| Do you have a good vertical? | ||
| I could probably jump decent. | ||
| Nothing shocking. | ||
| That is the one, of all the physical things and attributes that you can desire, like I wish I could do this. | ||
| When you're with somebody, especially if they're your size and they have an amazing vertical leap, it's the fucking most fascinating thing to watch them. | ||
| To watch it, because it's totally natural. | ||
| I've been with people my height that can literally jump 15 inches higher than I can. | ||
| What? | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| And it's the thing I was like, man. | ||
| And the people that I've seen do it wasn't through by train every day. | ||
| It was just, that's how high I could jump. | ||
| I jump every day. | ||
| I jump all day. | ||
| No, it was just a natural, hereditary, or whatever. | ||
| They were just born being able to jump through the fucking roof. | ||
| That's what Bo Jackson was like. | ||
| That's one of the most amazing physical specimens in recorded time. | ||
| He's still got records in the NFL combine. | ||
| I think he still holds the record for the 40. Does he really? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| That was like watching a human horse. | ||
| It really was. | ||
| That guy is an unbelievable athlete. | ||
| Somebody who wrote a book about him was talking about it. | ||
| I wish I could remember the guy's name. | ||
| I should Google it. | ||
| Watch... | ||
| Look up Bo Jackson highlights from football when he was at Auburn or when we played for the... | ||
| If he didn't get his hip injured, there is absolutely no telling what that guy would have done. | ||
| He would fucking... | ||
| He was so fast that he was like... | ||
| You know, he was like the fastest guy on the team. | ||
| But it was on like a 225 or 230 pound body. | ||
| So he could truck people too. | ||
| Like just lower his shoulder and just... | ||
| He would deliver hits... | ||
| You know, he would give a concussion out with the football in his hand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That just unbelievable physical specimen, Bo Jackson. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| And he played professional baseball just because he liked baseball, too. | ||
| You know, just one of those guys who was like, oh, how about I'll also play another Professional sport. | ||
| And be awesome at it. | ||
| Yeah, and be awesome at it. | ||
| And just home runs. | ||
| I remember watching him. | ||
| You ever see a guy? | ||
| Because I saw him do this. | ||
| For sure there's footage of this. | ||
| Bo Jackson breaking a baseball bat over his leg. | ||
| Over his knee. | ||
| He would do it like it was nothing. | ||
| It was like a twig, man. | ||
| He was like, boop, like he was breaking a candy bar. | ||
| He was like, you have half, I'll take half. | ||
| He would just snap that shit. | ||
| Fuck, I struck out. | ||
| Apparently, he was always able to do freaky shit. | ||
| This guy was talking about that when he was young, he used to be able to jump over cars. | ||
| He could jump over the hood of a car. | ||
| Yeah, I saw a guy do that. | ||
| Dude, that's crazy. | ||
| That's one of the things I was talking about. | ||
| I saw a guy do that who was smaller than me, shorter than me, you know? | ||
| A total fucking just yoked dude. | ||
| He played running back. | ||
| He actually broke California state records in high school. | ||
| And he did that. | ||
| He jumped over the hood of a car. | ||
| And I was like, that is amazing to watch. | ||
| I mean, amazing. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| To watch a guy like that sprint, you're like, oh, dude, I could run forever and never sprint like that. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, there's a kid that I saw on a video who jumped off a roof, did a backflip off a roof. | ||
| And it was like a three-story or two-story building. | ||
| It was the most ridiculous shit I've ever seen. | ||
| And the kid made it and lived and it was fine. | ||
| If you want to see, like, that's incredible. | ||
| If you want to see, like, a crazy other level, like, type of running athlete, like, you just see, like, oh, this is another gear that they have that other people just don't have. | ||
| If you look at, um, there's this guy that plays football for, like, uh, he plays for the Bills, I think now. | ||
| His name's C.J. Spiller. | ||
| And when he was at Clemson, there's highlights of him, like, where he would stop, like, stop in the middle of the field, and there's, like, five guys surrounding him, and then he just turns it on again. | ||
| But he goes to, like, he goes to, like, fifth gear before they get to first, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's, like, he just got to his gear so much faster than them. | ||
| But those are all, like, dynamite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| And you're just like, that doesn't make sense. | ||
| Or, like, Devin Hester is this guy who plays for the Bears. | ||
| He's a well-known returner. | ||
| And if you watch his highlights, the thing about him is that he hits-- they say like-- there are guys who have faster 40 times than him, but he hits his highest speed immediately. | ||
| So it's like he gets the ball, and then he's just like-- I'm running as fast as I can the first second I have the ball, whereas everybody else has to-- Ramps up. | ||
| Yeah, and you're just like, holy shit, he is. | ||
| He hit fifth gear immediately, and you see the other guys... | ||
| So his off-the-gate explosion is fantastic. | ||
| Yeah, it's incredible. | ||
| There's no even playing field. | ||
| The idea that there's an even playing field when it comes to human beings is crazy. | ||
| Just by looking at the different sizes of us, there's a reason why we need weight classes, okay? | ||
| And the variables inside of weight classes Those are also pretty extreme with some athletes. | ||
| Some people just aren't that coordinated. | ||
| They don't move that well. | ||
| They don't have that kind of power. | ||
| And then there's guys that can just learn things like immediately. | ||
| And they can run like a gazelle and they can do shit to you that you can't do to them. | ||
| And they were out of the box like that. | ||
| There's guys that are out of the box athletes. | ||
| Did you ever think about how unlikely the total package of LeBron James is? | ||
| This is crazy! | ||
| That is a.001% package. | ||
| A crackhead gives birth to him. | ||
| That's not right? | ||
| Yes, his mom was a crackhead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Was she a crackhead? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Not only is his mom a crackhead, his mom allegedly was fucking one of his teammates. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Hot sauce in my bag. | ||
| Delonte West. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Delonte West, man. | ||
| His mom allegedly had a substance abuse problem. | ||
| She gives birth to this gigantic super athlete who moves like a panther, like a giant panther. | ||
| If LeBron James was in MMA, do you know how many people that guy would be fucking up? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If you train that guy? | ||
| If that guy wanted to fight, if he had the will to fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, you know, in high school, he was all-state tight end playing football. | ||
| Because people always talk about, can you imagine this son of a bitch playing football? | ||
| He stopped playing, I think, after his sophomore season. | ||
| It was all-state, like, already, like, this is going to be somebody you're going to have to deal with. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And stop playing. | ||
| But you look at that body, 6'8", 270, and he has no body. | ||
| Jordan learned how to fight. | ||
| You know what I'm stupid? | ||
| I thought LeBron did play football this whole time. | ||
| What team is he on? | ||
| You didn't know? | ||
| LeBron James. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Basketball! | |
| Here's what I know in sports is whatever Tom tells me. | ||
| You don't watch anything outside of that? | ||
| No, I like tennis. | ||
| I used to watch that. | ||
| What about ladies golf? | ||
| Yes, every day. | ||
| She isn't gay. | ||
| Come on, LeBron. | ||
| Is that the case? | ||
| I've heard that said before. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| That ladies golf is like a lot of K-chicks. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I think there's a little bit of a... | ||
| Which I support 100%. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Always do. | ||
| Look at the poles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at the sticks they use. | |
| There's definitely... | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Who's trying today, boy? | ||
| There's definitely some well-known gay golfers. | ||
| I don't know who watches ladies golf. | ||
| I'm not sure what the audience is. | ||
| They are amazing golfers. | ||
| So essentially just a bunch of lesbos sitting around staring at each other. | ||
| It's amazing how good they are, though. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Well, it's one of the few groups that lesbians are able to really grow. | ||
| Lesbians, they have a hard time getting a community. | ||
| Gay dudes have massive communities all over the country. | ||
| There's parts of the Tenderloin, and if you go to the Santa Monica area, West Hollywood, Santa Monica Boulevard, that is a goddamn gay area. | ||
| There are dudes there. | ||
| They've all conglomerated, they know where the party's at, and you drive by. | ||
| Yeah, but that place on Hollywood Boulevard, on Santa Monica Boulevard, that West Hollywood spot, that is the gayest spot on earth. | ||
| I'm sorry, which one? | ||
| That area, that whole area while you're driving. | ||
| Yes, yes it is. | ||
| Is that Club Rage still there? | ||
| I think, yeah. | ||
| I'm sorry, I don't go every week. | ||
| That's the flagship club, I believe. | ||
| That's the one that's on the big, that was the one that... | ||
| Yes, I think. | ||
| You know where Doheny is? | ||
| I was coming down Doheny and I'm at the red light there and it was a Saturday night and it was fucking beautiful weather and everybody was out and it was a gay party on the streets, man. | ||
| And there was these two dudes and they both had their hands, their fingers looped into each other's belt loops and they were interlocked, kind of scissoring and just grinding dicks together. | ||
| And I was like, I can only watch this a certain amount of time before some gay slips into me. | ||
| I gotta get out of here! | ||
| It was like a fucking bomb had been ignited and I had to get outside the blast radius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A dude bomb. | |
| And it's like, there's a gay bomb here! | ||
| But they're so happy. | ||
| Oh, they were happy as fuck. | ||
| Well, we used to live next to a bear bar in Silver Lake, so you'd have to walk past the bear bar to get to Trader Joe's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, whoa, whoa. | |
| That's a specific type of gay bar. | ||
| Oh, it's so wonderful. | ||
| And so, like, you know, Tuesday nights is like... | ||
| Rimjob Tuesdays. | ||
| Rimjob Tuesdays. | ||
| They have the big sign-out fund. | ||
| It's Rimjob Tuesdays. | ||
| And they had a huge rooster in the back. | ||
| And, like, these guys just partied. | ||
| They partied hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They loved life. | |
| And you'd hear, like, you'd drive by. | ||
| You could be having, like, the most... | ||
| Quiet, lame kind of night. | ||
| You're like, there's nothing going on. | ||
| And then as you pulled up, you're like, oh, there's some dicks grinding going on right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you're like, ah, neighborhood is alive right now. | |
| And the best part, there was a security guard that would stand outside. | ||
| But because he was in front of a gay bar, you didn't know if it was just a costume the first few times. | ||
| You see him, you're like, that guy's going all out tonight. | ||
| And he's like, no, I'm the security guard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had a mustache and his little hat. | |
| A mustache. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's very few that pull off the John Stossel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That thick upper mustache. | ||
|
unidentified
|
John Stossel. | |
| They commit to that, man. | ||
| That's a strange one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a strange one. | ||
| Yeah, I always wonder that, because people usually mock the mustache, you know, or they rock the ironic mustache. | ||
| Movember. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But in the gay community, it's like, Yo. | ||
| I'm down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you? | |
| I saw a guy the other day who was beautiful. | ||
| He had Timbalands on and he had cut-off jean shorts and he had one of those leather scally caps on and he had a jean jacket that was sleeveless. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| He was fucking ridiculous. | ||
| And this was like right after I worked in San Francisco with Greg Fitzsimmons. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons fucking killed me. | ||
| He got on stage and he goes, this is the last city where there's real faggots. | ||
| You can see a guy with leather pants and a handlebar mustache. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's hilarious. | |
| He'd get fucking crushed, too, because it was so true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| These unabashed animals. | ||
| Yeah, that's fucking funny. | ||
| A really, like, aggressively gay guy. | ||
| That guy that you described, like, if Cock was a company, that's the chairman and CEO of Cock. | ||
| Timbaland. | ||
| Like, in charge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| With the fluffy socks. | ||
| You know, the socks are kind of scrunched down. | ||
| And the Timberlands are like open. | ||
| And then he's got cut-off jean shorts and a jean jacket. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was just so gay. | |
| Sleeveless. | ||
| San Francisco? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| This was in Santa Monica Boulevard. | ||
| Oh, Santa Monica. | ||
| This one, the gayest guy on earth. | ||
| The only one that comes close to him. | ||
| I was in Houston once. | ||
| I wanted to congratulate this guy. | ||
| The way he was rocking it. | ||
| But I didn't want to offend him, so I let it go. | ||
| But he had leg warmers on that were rainbow. | ||
| That's already, yeah. | ||
| Rainbow-colored leg warmers on. | ||
| And he had these little designer-like, they looked like some odd tennis shoe type thing that he was wearing. | ||
| Some very trendy tennis shoe. | ||
| And then he had these boys' gym shorts. | ||
| Remember those gym shorts you used to wear? | ||
| They were blue with the white stripe? | ||
| And they were way too small. | ||
| They were way too small. | ||
| And he's a frail man as it is. | ||
| And then he had a pink, skin-tight shirt and some crazy multi-colored bandana. | ||
| And as he was working out, he was working out like this. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Like grunting through it. | ||
| Yeah, that's the best thing. | ||
| Leg warmers, man. | ||
| This is the gayest man that's ever walked the face of the earth. | ||
| This guy, if he got together with the other guy, they would create a black hole of homosexuality. | ||
| It would eat its way through the cement. | ||
| Eat cement and spit cum back at you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Fuck. | ||
| It would be a sinkhole of gay. | ||
| If you slipped and fell into it, you'd fall prey to the gay. | ||
| You saw something... | ||
| Which one? | ||
| I lived in San Francisco for years. | ||
| She lived in San Francisco. | ||
| I went to college there. | ||
| You definitely saw the gayest thing that you can see. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| There's so many. | ||
| You said during the parade one time you saw a guy... | ||
| Two guys fucking on the corner. | ||
| Yeah, on the street. | ||
| Just on the street. | ||
| We don't need to find a mattress or a bed or an alleyway. | ||
| If you see guys butt-fucking on the street, you'll be like, that's the gayest street. | ||
| You'll never forget that street. | ||
| At that moment, it's one of the gayest streets on Earth. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But I think it was during the Folsom Street Fair in all... | ||
| So that's like the gay Mardi Gras. | ||
| That's why I fuck on the street. | ||
| I like to limit it to fairs. | ||
| Don't bring your kids. | ||
| If you're willing to fuck on the street during a fair, you're a real gangster. | ||
| You're out there just fucking breaking laws. | ||
| You're a part of the problem. | ||
| Hey, remember at the bear gym in our old neighborhood? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That some guys, so this thing also in bear culture is these big guys, they also like to build their musk. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And that's another part of it. | ||
| And Tommy, one time, I think you were downwind of a guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Weren't you? | ||
| The fan was behind him or something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fuck, man. | ||
| And you could smell his mouth. | ||
| It was so strong. | ||
| It wasn't like Jim's smell strong. | ||
| It was like a personal body odor that, you know, you could just tell when someone's BO was kicking. | ||
| Was it kicking because he was dirty? | ||
| Like he hadn't washed it? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was definitely a I haven't showered in like... | ||
| In a while. | ||
| Maybe it's to ward off the smell of shit while you're fucking with your ass. | ||
| Do you ever think about that? | ||
| I think it was just... | ||
| I mean, there's gotta be something that jumps out. | ||
| He had such pride about his musk. | ||
| I could just tell the way he was like, you picking up what I'm putting out there right now? | ||
| Just look about it. | ||
| It's his genre. | ||
| I imagine that some people were walking through the gym that day like, Thanks, brother. | ||
| Like, thanks for putting us out here because you got me fired up. | ||
| You got me ready to do some squats! | ||
| This motherfucker smell good! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn! | |
| Damn! | ||
| Yeah, there's different levels of, like, gay guys, too, right? | ||
| What they're into. | ||
| Like, some guys are just into other, like, crazy big gay guys. | ||
| And some guys, they're like twinks. | ||
| They're like little tiny little boys. | ||
| Hairless. | ||
| Yeah, there's this dude that I... Shave it down, brother. | ||
| ...that I knew that was a... | ||
| producer type character so wealthy character that always had like these young boys with them they were always like just 20 years old a little confused like that's I know a well-known comic who likes that one do you only know one oh yeah that's true I know several yeah that's sort of that's kind of a type there's all types there's otters cubs otters what's an otter No, | ||
| I believe an otter, it's a tall, slender, hairless, is an otter, as opposed to a big, hairy, fat, which is a bear. | ||
| And a younger bear is actually a cub, right? | ||
| A cub. | ||
| So bears go with cubs. | ||
| And cubs are just smaller and more malleable. | ||
| But now I heard that the word twink is becoming taboo. | ||
| The way that fag is kind of not cool to say. | ||
| I think twink is starting to become in the air. | ||
| Everybody's fired up about something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please stop the tide of... | |
| Well, here's what happened. | ||
| So, you know, Andy Cohen on Bravo, I think he went on some other show and he's like, oh, look at all these twinks here. | ||
| And then the twink community got really upset and started tweeting them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| And so he apologized to the twinks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| But isn't he gay, Andy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| He is so gay. | ||
| Yeah, he's totally. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| He apologized to the twinks. | ||
| Everybody is just looking for an opportunity to be sensitive. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We are in such a weird time. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's like people have found reward in pointing at hot button things like that. | ||
| Like, hey, at the twin community, we do not reach what you're doing. | ||
| Or being offended. | ||
| The twin community was all organized. | ||
| You know who else is fucking super annoying? | ||
| I mean, this one's a way different level of what assholes they are. | ||
| It's just like one million moms. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's just like we're mothers that are Christian that want to raise fucking great kids, but we're completely bigoted, discriminatory assholes. | ||
| They publicly lash out for the second or third time At JCPenney for having Ellen DeGeneres as their spokesman. | ||
| They're like, you realize that none of us are ever going to shop there again? | ||
| Because you hired Ellen to be your... | ||
| That kind of shit. | ||
| And they got really mad about her latest Christmas commercial with elves. | ||
| And they're like, you have a gay woman with elves? | ||
| What's going to fucking happen next? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sodomy! | |
| That's a good point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, what would happen next? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What will happen next if lesbians and elves get together? | |
| You've got lesbians mixing up with magical creatures. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Shit could get crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Definitely. | |
| What if they have nefarious intentions and they develop some sort of lesbian pixie dust? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And they spray it over a city while they're flying around. | ||
| And your kids become gay elves. | ||
| Yeah, and everybody becomes lesbian elves. | ||
| Yeah, we've got a bunch of miniature gay elves running around. | ||
| Listen, man, you mock. | ||
| Now, I wonder, does the lesbian community have these genres? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| They have lipstick lesbians. | ||
| Oh, right, butch. | ||
| Fred Flintstone-looking lesbians. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lipstick's the best, right? | |
| Yeah, that's the kind that you like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, the lipsticks is the pretty ones who kiss the other pretty ones. | |
| Oh, yes, 100%. | ||
| The other ones are intimidating, especially if they want to fight. | ||
| We're not always good at shows either. | ||
| I don't think they have the best sense of humor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, they can. | |
| They can be cool. | ||
| For me, maybe not for you. | ||
| They can be cool. | ||
| It's like you can't really generalize a whole fucking sexual orientation. | ||
| I've met a lot of cool lesbians. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Yeah, they're great. | ||
| I've met a lot of annoying straight people too. | ||
| Yeah, everybody sucks in their own way. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| That's sort of the anti-positive approach. | ||
| Everybody's got their own special gift. | ||
| Everybody sucks in their own way. | ||
| You took that shit to the dark place. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And so true. | ||
| It is true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We have a little something fucking with us. | |
| I have to ask you this. | ||
| I wanted to get your thoughts on Pacquiao going down to Marquez. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Crazy, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Manny Pacquiao, first of all, is a super nice guy. | ||
| Tosh and I filmed this thing with him. | ||
| Where I played Daniel Tasha's manager, and he was going to let Manny Pacquiao punch him in the face for some strange reason. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| And so Manny Pacquiao, he's very nice about it, by the way. | ||
| He kind of tapped him, and I'm like, hit him harder, hit him harder. | ||
| And Tasha's looking at me like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| He's not going to hurt you, dude. | ||
| Just hit him a little harder, just a little harder. | ||
| Even then, Manny Pacquiao so gently tapped him. | ||
| But he's so nice. | ||
| He's a really friendly guy. | ||
| He doesn't have any weird feeling around him. | ||
| He's a super duper star. | ||
| He travels deep with this giant entourage that's taking care of everything around him all the time. | ||
| And he's like the nicest guy in the world. | ||
| So that made me sad. | ||
| But that's the game he's playing. | ||
| He plays a crazy game. | ||
| That game is you are competing with your consciousness. | ||
| You're competing with your physical health. | ||
| You're competing against another man who's a trained killer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When he hits you, your body is just like any other body. | ||
| And if someone hits you perfectly like he did, twice he nailed it. | ||
| He dropped him with that first one and most likely he was still hurt from that. | ||
| But that second punch was so powerful. | ||
| That was like the perfect punch. | ||
| Because Pacquiao was moving forward and Marquez caught him moving forward and just crushed him in his tracks. | ||
| He was lights out on the way down. | ||
| Yeah, it was one of the worst or best one-punch knockouts I've ever seen in all of boxing. | ||
| I think it goes in the top ten. | ||
| It's like, I mean, that shit is right up there with Paul Williams getting knocked out by Sergio Martinez. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Sergio Martinez has got a vicious left hand and he's like super athletic and moves around a lot. | ||
| And he nailed Paul Williams like this perfect overhand left as he was moving in and just spun him around and face planted. | ||
| It was just like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| But I just didn't expect to see that with Pacquiao. | ||
| I think I was seeing some stats on it that that was his first time being knocked out since 98. Maybe knocked down even since 98? | ||
| I think he's been dropped. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dropped? | |
| I think he's been dropped. | ||
| Some incredible stat that it hadn't happened since 98. Actually, now that I think about it, I think Marquez dropped him in his fight. | ||
| In this fight, before he knocked him out, that was the first fight Marquez had knocked him down. | ||
| He had knocked Marquez down before, but Marquez had staggered him before. | ||
| But somebody had stopped him earlier in his career. | ||
| He had been knocked out earlier in his career, but never like this. | ||
| This was one of those knockouts that might just be a game changer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you know, boxers, what you're seeing, first of all, in Manny, is you're seeing a guy who's already had, before this fight, they had three crazy fucking wars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Three wars. | ||
| Yeah, brutal wars. | ||
| Back and forth, blasting each other. | ||
| And you, how many of those can you have, really, in your life? | ||
| There's a number. | ||
| It might be ten, it might be seven, everybody's different depending on when you start, depending on how good your defense is, but you're gonna get nailed. | ||
| You're getting your head hit, you're getting your body hit. | ||
| You've got a lot of fucking problems. | ||
| And that, among other fights, training, sparring sessions, just hundreds of punches. | ||
| That was the point. | ||
| The point is, what you're seeing is a tiny fraction of the actual damage his head has taken, because you're only seeing one fight. | ||
| So you think about all the fights that he's had, all the punches that he's taken, it's a tremendous amount of punishment as is. | ||
| Then you have to factor in the fact that that is a fraction of the actual punishment. | ||
| Then you start getting an idea of what the fuck is really going on when you're training for a fight. | ||
| You have to have a number in your head or a feeling or a time or what. | ||
| You've got to know when to fucking get out because the more you do that shit, the more one day it's going to catch up with you. | ||
| But with a guy like Pacquiao, it's super hard for those guys to just go out on top. | ||
| Floyd Mayweather retired and then he came back. | ||
| He almost went out on top. | ||
| He almost said fuck it and went out on top. | ||
| But I think he's probably the most cautious out of all of them. | ||
| Floyd? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's the most cautious stylistically. | ||
| Very rarely gets hit. | ||
| When he does get hit, recovers very well. | ||
| Shane Mosley was the last one to tag him. | ||
| He goes through entire fights where he barely gets tagged. | ||
| He just boxes the shit out of people. | ||
| And I love that. | ||
| I love the fact that the guy's still... | ||
| Not only is he unbeaten, he's really unchallenged. | ||
| I think he's 36 now. | ||
| That's pretty unheard of. | ||
| And he looks fantastic. | ||
| And his defense is so incredible. | ||
| He's a brilliant boxer. | ||
| He's brilliant. | ||
| And he probably would have boxed the shit out of Manny Pacquiao. | ||
| Especially seeing what he did to Martinez and what Pacquiao was able to do to Martinez. | ||
| And then the difference is, Martinez and Floyd wasn't even close. | ||
| Floyd just outboxed the shit out of him. | ||
| I mean, he just couldn't get to him. | ||
| Floyd is just too good. | ||
| He's too good at positioning. | ||
| He throws amazing punches. | ||
| He recovers well, and people don't realize sometimes that, depending on how good whoever he's fighting at the time, that a lot of times he boxes gloves down because he's so quick. | ||
| He doesn't pull up his gloves for a lot of fights. | ||
| His gloves are down, and he's dipping around, playing with people. | ||
| He does that shoulder roll thing. | ||
| Where he walks towards guys with his left shoulder up high and his right glove by his face, and they don't know what to do with that. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| His reflexes are so good. | ||
| And now that Adrian Broner guy, have you seen that kid? | ||
| That upcoming kid? | ||
| Oh my god, this kid's a monster. | ||
| He's like Floyd Mayweather, but with more punching power. | ||
| Same weight class? | ||
| I think he's 47. I'm not sure. | ||
| Or he might be 35. He's either 35 and struggling to make the weight and moving up to 40 or 47. Whatever it is. | ||
| This kid's dynamite. | ||
| He has that same style. | ||
| That high left shoulder up. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| There's some fucking killers out there. | ||
| No fucking lead glove for most of your... | ||
| your left glove is down. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It is crazy, but they're so good at those duck and roll counter right hands, and you don't want to get clipped by that shit. | ||
| So guys are real cautious. | ||
| And he's so good at slipping jabs, so good at anticipating your movement. | ||
| The best boxers are great at leading guys into certain directions and anticipating how they respond. | ||
| A guy like Floyd Mayweather is not an impulsive guy. | ||
| He's like a guy who's going to set traps for you. | ||
| So he'll lead you in certain directions and see how you respond and then lead you in that certain direction again and see how you respond and then set you up for a time Where he's going to lead you in that certain direction and he's going to stop, bang! | ||
| He's going to catch you because you do a certain thing over and over again. | ||
| You do a certain thing with gloves and you move off the ropes and he's going to catch you. | ||
| He's going to figure it out too. | ||
| He's going to figure it out and that's another thing that Anderson Silva does. | ||
| Anderson Silva, he moves around with the guy for like the first minute or two, kind of gets a sense of how he operates, how he moves, feints him a little bit, and then starts setting him up. | ||
| Starts setting him up for death. | ||
| For death, yeah. | ||
| Setting him up for a dismantling. | ||
| Yeah, Floyd's even, his defense is so interesting and so developed that when you watch him box, sometimes you'll see him get up against the ropes. | ||
| And you're like, oh, he's up against the ropes. | ||
| This guy might take advantage of this. | ||
| And then Floyd somehow... | ||
| He pulls it into his defense. | ||
| His defense becomes his offense. | ||
| And you're like, oh no, he's fucking ripping this guy apart. | ||
| He's just too good. | ||
| He's so good at straight boxing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And he's a guy that's had a lot of hand problems, too. | ||
| That guy broke his hands several times. | ||
| So he goes for the biggest, cushioniest gloves. | ||
| And because of that, I think, because of his fragile hands, there's a lot of guys he doesn't knock out because of that very reason. | ||
| Because he's had problems with his hands over and over again. | ||
| The way he knocked out Homeboy from England. | ||
| What the fuck's his name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hatton? | |
| Ricky Hatton. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was brilliant. | ||
| And that was when Hatton was in his prime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Hatton was an animal, you know? | ||
| Yeah, it floats so fast. | ||
| He just boxed the shit out of him. | ||
| He just boxes the shit out of guys. | ||
| They just can't get to him. | ||
| You just reminded me, I'm going to be in Vegas this week. | ||
| Yo, Floyd, if you want to grab lunch, if you want to grab dinner, please bring Roger. | ||
| Yo, Floyd, he wants to be a part of Team Money, okay? | ||
| Money team all the way, man. | ||
| Big fan. | ||
| Tommy Bonds is all about Team Money. | ||
| Money team, I want to roll with you. | ||
| I need a new watch, dawg. | ||
| What is going on, man? | ||
| Cat Williams hit somebody in the head with a microphone or something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He punched a dude in target. | |
| He slapped that guy. | ||
| What is going on with that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He got in a car chase with the cops. | |
| He's working on a new hour. | ||
| Give him a fucking break. | ||
| Jesus Christ, so sensitive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, what was that? | |
| To bring back to me, we watched this 24-7. | ||
| Was that his uncle that trains him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Roger. | |
| I love that guy. | ||
| Black Mamba. | ||
| He was a former champion himself. | ||
| Roger Mayweather had a vicious right hand. | ||
| What a great family. | ||
| 24-7. | ||
| Miguel Cotto is still my favorite, right? | ||
| When Cotto's like, I know Floyd is a supreme athlete, great boxer, and we have to be ready for war. | ||
| And they cut to Roger Mayweather. | ||
| whether he goes I don't give a fuck about Miguel Cotto not just that you're like ah that's rad well the level of technique that Floyd has is so above and beyond everybody else he fights that he has that kind of confidence Miguel Cotto, especially during that fight, was a prime athlete. | ||
| Margarita was the only one that ever really fucked up Miguel Cotto when he was in his prime, like that, and stopped him. | ||
| And that was when Margarita was accused of having loaded gloves. | ||
| Because he got busted in one of his subsequent fights. | ||
| But Miguel Cotto was a badass fucking boxer. | ||
| But boxing with Floyd, he makes everybody look goofy. | ||
| They look like... | ||
| They just don't really know what he's doing. | ||
| They don't really belong in there with him. | ||
| He figured you out early enough, and now every time you step, he's popping a jab in your face, and there's no retaliation. | ||
| He's not there, and then you look stupid. | ||
| You do. | ||
| And he slowly breaks you down. | ||
| He's just so good. | ||
| He's a superb boxer, man. | ||
| Superb athlete. | ||
| But if I had a choice between watching him and Anderson Silva, I'd be like, bitch. | ||
| I would way rather watch Anderson Silva fight. | ||
| It's not even a question. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why I like MMA so much better. | ||
| I like a good fight with Floyd Mayweather. | ||
| If I found out Floyd Mayweather is going to fight Pacquiao before this last thing, then I would be super excited. | ||
| But when he's fighting... | ||
| If he's fighting somebody that I don't give a fuck about, he's just gonna box this guy up. | ||
| It'll be interesting to watch, but I can watch it on HBO next week. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I've asked this before, but how famous is Anderson Silva in Brazil? | ||
| Oh, it's like Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson had a baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That famous? | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| He's a super superstar. | ||
| They love him, man. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| The cheers, when he goes on into the octagon, when he steps up the stairs and walks in, they close the door behind him, they're fucking deafening. | ||
| I took my headphones off, and I said, I go to Mike Goldberg while I was talking to him on the air, I go, take your headphones off. | ||
| I go, take your headphones off and feel this. | ||
| He takes the headphones off. | ||
| He's like, we're just looking at each other like, whoa. | ||
| There's 20,000 people in Rio, and they are going fucking bananas. | ||
| And Anderson walks in and bows, and they're going, fuck. | ||
| Fucking ape shit. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| And then he goes out there and dismantles Stephen Bonner in a way that doesn't even seem human. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He did it like some fucking kung fu movie dude who just got bolted with some secret lightning power. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, he had superpowers, so it didn't even make any sense. | ||
| He did movie shit. | ||
| He stepped with his back up against the cage and let Stephen Bonner throw punches at him with his hands down and just ducked and moved in front of him and then threw Bonner to the ground and knocked him unconscious with a knee. | ||
| To the body. | ||
| Blasted with a knee to the body. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| He goes down in a turtle position. | ||
| Done. | ||
| The way he did it was superhuman. | ||
| It was like a guy in a movie. | ||
| If you saw a guy do that in Bourne Identity, you'd be like, bitch, nobody can do that. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Put your back up against the wall. | ||
| Nobody puts their back up against the cage. | ||
| How about the best fighter in the fucking world does that? | ||
| The best guy ever. | ||
| Puts his back up against the case to a big giant dude like Stefan Bonner. | ||
| Who's cotton weight down from like 230 to fight at 205 and Anderson fights at 185. He still ragdolls the guy. | ||
| It's freaky. | ||
| He's freaky. | ||
| There's nobody that freaks me out when you watch the shit they can do to really high-level grown fighters. | ||
| No one freaks me out like Anderson. | ||
| It's like you're watching a rare master. | ||
| You're going to get a chance to talk about this when you get old. | ||
| There's people that talk about when they saw a Joe Louis fight. | ||
| That's all well and good. | ||
| Anderson Silva would have fucked up Joe Louis. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| I don't get what anybody says. | ||
| Anderson Silva in an MMA fight would fuck Joe Louis up. | ||
| You're watching something crazy. | ||
| You're watching the baddest fighter that's ever walked the face of the planet. | ||
| The shit he does to guys, even really good guys, is shocking. | ||
| Do you think he could beat Jean-Claude Van Damme? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It depends on which movie it is. | ||
| You know, if it's like one of Jean-Claude Van Damme's, like one of his signature movies. | ||
| Bloodsport? | ||
| You know, if it's like a Bloodsport 2, Van Damme has a heart that you will never be able to appreciate. | ||
| My heart. | ||
| Have you ever seen him cry in his reality show? | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, I did see that. | ||
| He has a show I didn't even know. | ||
| He used to, right? | ||
| Or Steven Seagal. | ||
| I remember him. | ||
| He is awesome. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| Steven Seagal. | ||
| He's awesome in a totally different way. | ||
| Steven Seagal is awesome as well. | ||
| But Jean-Claude Van Damme is awesome in a completely different way. | ||
| What was the movie that he came out with a year or two ago? | ||
| What was the movie he came out with that was about... | ||
| What, do you think I'm crazy? | ||
| You think I know what movies he's doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| This one was actually good. | ||
| Where he played... | ||
| Oh, JCVD. Yeah, he played himself. | ||
| I have that on Blu-ray. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like that. | |
| I'm a fan! | ||
| I never said I wasn't a fan. | ||
| I love Jean-Claude Van Damme. | ||
| He's still crazy. | ||
| He has a reality show. | ||
| I've only seen the videos on the internet, but you can readily get them on the internet. | ||
| Wonderful. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| And he keeps talking about, I'm going to have this fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to have to fight one more time for the children. | |
| He has these crazy ideas. | ||
| They say, Jean-Claude, you did a lot of cocaine, and a lot of other things. | ||
| I'm not happy about those other things, but I'm going to make it up with this fight, and I'm going to win by knockout! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's like so crazy and over the top. | |
| Like he's acting. | ||
| It's like this strange hybrid between a reality show and a movie. | ||
| And what he's doing is really strange because he's saying he's going to have a fight. | ||
| And he's got this guy that he keeps dragging around with him that he's saying he's having. | ||
| But the problem is he's been doing this for like four years. | ||
| So this guy, for these four years, he's been saying he's going to fight. | ||
| And they pose for stare downs. | ||
| For years! | ||
| For years, man. | ||
| I mean, for fucking years. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| It's still going on. | ||
| And he's still like, well, you know, I'm going to have this fight and I'm going to do it for the children and to show them you can bounce back from all of this bullshit and this cocaine. | ||
| And it's fucking wonderful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can we do that? | |
| We have to watch this. | ||
| That might be it. | ||
| That might be one of them. | ||
| There's a lot of them. | ||
| He's got a lot of them. | ||
| Can I do... | ||
| But generally, he seems like a really nice guy. | ||
| He does. | ||
| He seems like real friendly. | ||
| He doesn't seem like he's trying to be a hard ass. | ||
| Even when he's saying he's going to knock the guy out, you're like, aw, come on, give me a hug. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Get over here and give me a hug. | ||
| By the way... | ||
| You don't need cocaine, man. | ||
| You need to stop. | ||
| You know that you said it's like a weird hybrid between reality and... | ||
| I think that's the new and next step that's going to really develop for television is shows like Duck Hunters, Duck Dynasty, where it's that family and they go, this is a reality show, but it's clearly produced too well. | ||
| These are real people. | ||
| They're not actors. | ||
| But all the moments are too well-constructed. | ||
| Produced moments. | ||
| The wife comes in right at the moment when the guys are fucking cutting a hole in the ceiling and she's like, what are you assholes doing? | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's in Louisiana. | ||
| It's Louisiana. | ||
| You done lost your redneck. | ||
| I ain't lost my redneck. | ||
| Oh man, you done lost your redneck. | ||
| It's a funny show. | ||
| I'll show you I ain't lost my redneck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're dating all these, what do they call them, yuppie girls that don't eat frog legs. | ||
| I love that old guy. | ||
| The patriarch's great in that. | ||
| It's so full of shit, though. | ||
| It's full of shit. | ||
| Have you seen Swamp People? | ||
| No! | ||
| Okay, Swamp People is just, they should call that show Alligator Assassins, okay? | ||
| Because it's just a bunch of motherfuckers that live in Florida and kill alligators. | ||
| And they kill a fuckload of alligators, okay? | ||
| They kill like 500 of them a season. | ||
| I went to high school with a few of those guys. | ||
| I think I remember them. | ||
| Dude, they kill a lot of alligators. | ||
| It's really freaky to think there's that many goddamn alligators out there. | ||
| And you know what's really freaky? | ||
| A lot of people might not like this, but if they weren't killing those alligators, those alligators would fuck and make more alligators. | ||
| And if you think of how many fucking alligators they're killing, do you know what kind of an infestation of alligators we must have in this country? | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| They're killing hundreds and hundreds of them. | ||
| And in Florida? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's out of control. | |
| Yeah, they have to. | ||
| They still end up in people's backyards all the time, man. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| When I lived in Gainesville, they were protected. | ||
| You couldn't kill them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, when I was a kid, I lived in Florida. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I lived in Gainesville for two years. | ||
| My dad was going to the University of Florida. | ||
| And we used to go to Lake Alice. | ||
| There's this little lake there. | ||
| And we used to feed the alligators marshmallows. | ||
| Get out! | ||
| Yeah, you'd flip, throw the marshmallows in the water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so crazy. | |
| You'd be like, whoa, these are crazy monsters. | ||
| We're feeding these monsters. | ||
| But they didn't really fuck with people too much. | ||
| They occasionally would get a dog. | ||
| Like if someone, they walked their dog too close to the water, didn't see the alligator. | ||
| Alligators can't help themselves. | ||
| But I guess they would feed them or something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck they did. | ||
| They must have done something to keep them happy if they were around people. | ||
| But apparently it got to a certain point where there was just so many fucking alligators they had to do something about it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I used to see... | ||
| I went to high school in Florida and, you know, you would see them golf courses, you'd see people's backyards. | ||
| There were a lot of people at pools in Florida. | ||
| How often do they kill people, alligators? | ||
| I don't think it happens that often. | ||
| I don't think it happens that often. | ||
| But, I mean, I'm sure there's statistics on it, but I don't remember a lot of... | ||
| Like one a year maybe? | ||
| Maybe one of those kind of things, yeah. | ||
| I know people lose, you know, limbs and people go to get their golf ball and they go into the little pond or the lake and you can lose a hand. | ||
| Yeah, I think you gotta be fucking with them. | ||
| Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. | ||
| I think you let that ball go. | ||
| Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. | ||
| Get a new tidalist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Leave it in the water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, absolutely. | |
| It's so terrifying, man. | ||
| But I don't think they like human flesh. | ||
| That's not their first. | ||
| No. | ||
| I know because in Crocodile, like when I was on road rolls with a crocodile. | ||
| They eat shit. | ||
| They'll eat a bag of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They will. | |
| They would eat people, they just haven't. | ||
| License plates and tires and shit. | ||
| But it's not their preference. | ||
| When we were on road rules in Australia, we went to a crocodile farm, and the guy that owned it was explaining how they don't really want to eat us. | ||
| But if they're hungry and there's nothing else, that's when they'll fuck with you. | ||
| If you're down by the fucking swamp and you're like, oh, hey. | ||
| What are you doing here? | ||
| And then it'll grab you and death roll you. | ||
| But I think that the only reason why they don't do it is because they don't recognize us as a food source. | ||
| As a delicious meal. | ||
| Because they don't usually eat us. | ||
| But once they recognize us as a food source, that's when it becomes a real problem. | ||
| There was one they killed in the Philippines recently. | ||
| It was a fucking huge, huge saltwater crocodile. | ||
| And it had killed a bunch of villagers. | ||
| They knew that there was this one giant crocodile. | ||
| It was more than 20 fucking feet long. | ||
| And it was killing people. | ||
| So they had to go after it and go get it. | ||
| And there was that one that was killing a bunch of people, wasn't it, in Canada? | ||
| One that the movie is based on. | ||
| In Canada? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| A crocodile in Canada? | ||
| No, some lake. | ||
| Some northern sitting lake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Not a croc, maybe a gator. | ||
| Right, that's what the movie's about. | ||
| What movie is it? | ||
| Oh shit, I remember what you're talking about. | ||
| Not Lake Michigan. | ||
| Remember the movie Lake Michigan? | ||
| Was it Placid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lake Placid? | |
| Lake Placid, the movie? | ||
| That's based on a real story. | ||
| Get the fuck up. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Get the fuck up. | ||
| I think I met one of the writers on that who told me that. | ||
| What? | ||
| I'm pretty sure, man. | ||
| I might be wrong on the location, but I know it's based on a real murdering gator. | ||
| What? | ||
| A murdering gator? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe, man. | |
| What's the true story of Lake Placid's alligator? | ||
| Let's go to Wiki Answers. | ||
| How beautiful is this day and age? | ||
| You can just do that. | ||
| Remember when you used to have Encyclopedia Britannica? | ||
| That shit was wack as fuck. | ||
| I know. | ||
| The story is based off the 1943 mysterious disappearances of ten teenagers while playing one night on Lake Placid. | ||
| Okay, so it's just a rumor. | ||
| Okay, so the movie just adds the gator concept to it or something? | ||
| Well, apparently it became a legend because it happened in 1943, and so people would talk about it, and so the movie is based on this actual monster, and it's sort of a tiny treat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, guys? | |
| It's a factual story. | ||
| Tom's right, guys. | ||
| Tom's right. | ||
| Don't send me your tweets or your emails about how I'm wrong. | ||
| I'm right. | ||
| We just read it on the Internet. | ||
| Basically, it's in what you said cannot be argued. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Yeah, that's a dumbass movie. | ||
| Fucking alligator off of Michigan. | ||
| That alligator would be freezing his dick off. | ||
| It's in New York, right? | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Is that where it took place? | ||
| Is that where it took place? | ||
| 30 foot long man-eating crocodile which terrorizes the fictitional location of Black Lake, Maine. | ||
| Oh, that's even more ridiculous. | ||
| Maine is only, like, thawed out for like a month, a year. | ||
| Maine is cold as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maine, there you go. | |
| So I wasn't that far off when I said Canada, right? | ||
| New York State's pretty close. | ||
| Canada's close to Maine. | ||
| Sure, there you go. | ||
| You were in that box. | ||
| True story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| Write it down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a... | |
| Winter gators. | ||
| If you think about a perfect nightmare that's chasing after you, it's a giant reptile, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Because they're so emotionless and cunty. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| It's a dinosaur, right? | ||
| It's just an extension of a T-Rex chasing you. | ||
| It's an animal that has virtually not changed for 200 million years. | ||
| They existed in this form 200 million years ago. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| So strong. | ||
| They're all muscle, muscle, muscle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| And they're just like the cleaning systems of ecosystems. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| They're the cleaners. | ||
| They come in, anything that's limping, you're done, son. | ||
| You're done. | ||
| Anything that's jacked, anything that goes and tries to get water out of the wrong spot, slam, keep the population down. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Are you trying to cross this river? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not! | |
| Snap! | ||
| Have you ever seen those river crossings with those Nile crocodiles? | ||
| Step up and just huge dinosaur jaws clamp down on wildebeest and drag them underwater. | ||
| You're like, what is going on here? | ||
| This is a system that's set up. | ||
| A life system. | ||
| Life and death. | ||
| There's a population control mechanism in effect. | ||
| Big cats and alligators. | ||
| I mean crocodiles. | ||
| Is it any coincidence that that's the place where there's the most gazelles? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Those fucking things are running around everywhere. | ||
| Everything's running around everywhere. | ||
| Wildebeests and all these things. | ||
| Just giant things trying to eat them and keep their populations down. | ||
| The footage of that is always the same. | ||
| If you watch those Nat Geo shows, there'll be like these 50 gazelles crossing the river and you're like, huh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wonder... | |
| And then like three seconds go by and you're like, oh, there's one that's not with the pack. | ||
| I think we should watch him for a second. | ||
| And then you watch him kind of limp in, tentatively cross the creek. | ||
| And that croc comes up and is like, game fucking over. | ||
| They're such machines. | ||
| They're so terrifying. | ||
| And they can be under that water for hours. | ||
| They don't have to breathe for hours. | ||
| So they sit under the water waiting for someone to come by. | ||
| And then the water's all fucking murky and shit. | ||
| You can't see that big dinosaur waiting there to eat babies. | ||
| That monster. | ||
| And how perfectly designed is he? | ||
| Oh, God! | ||
| When you see footage of his eyes just out of the water, so it's just up like just over the water, you're like, oh, shit. | ||
| Horrific, horrific monster. | ||
| I remember, okay, this is gonna sound really lame, but on road rules, I had to, um, we had to put a bag over a crocodile's head. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So you have to, first you have to clamp its jaws shut, and then duct tape it, and then you put a bag on its head, and then you step, you sit on it. | ||
| You have to sit on it to hold it still, and that's how we would transport it, like, for one of the missions. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| So this guy Keefla on the show, he had a pole and he was trying to rope the crocodile's neck and the crocodile went into a death roll. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| And his shirt got caught in the pole and started to twist around his arm and it was cutting off a circulation. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And everybody was like, holy fuck! | ||
| Like when that really happens on a reality show, like you don't know what to do. | ||
| So he was just screaming, cut the shirt! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cut the shirt! | |
| Cut the fucking shirt! | ||
| And I'm like, there's no scissors in the outback. | ||
| Somebody had to rummage through their sound kit or whatever. | ||
| And this thing was still spinning? | ||
| Spinning, spinning. | ||
| How big is this alligator? | ||
| It was medium-sized, 10 to 15 feet long, like a teenager. | ||
| Was its teeth clamped down on his shirt? | ||
| Yeah, so you clamp the jaws shut and then somebody duct tapes the jaws together. | ||
| And somehow or another got a hold of the teeth. | ||
| So no, so the next part is you have to put something around its neck. | ||
| And so Kefla was using a pole with a rope at the end of it. | ||
| Like a loop rope. | ||
| So they loop it that way. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| So he did it and somehow this crocodile like got latched onto maybe in his jaw. | ||
| The rope. | ||
| The rope. | ||
| And he just started death rolling. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So it got the pole cottage shirt on his sleeve and then tightened the sleeve. | ||
| So we had to cut the shirt off of him. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You gotta wear a spandex when you're fucking with crocodiles. | ||
| This is very important. | ||
| You'd be all tucked up and ready to sprint. | ||
| You need cleats as well. | ||
| You don't want to be slipping. | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Dangerous. | ||
| They found Nile crocodiles in Florida. | ||
| Have you heard that? | ||
| No. | ||
| They have a shoot to kill order on Nile crocodiles in Florida. | ||
| They spotted a couple of them. | ||
| So people transported in Nile Crocodiles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| You assholes. | ||
| That was probably some dude who was trying to guard his cocaine. | ||
| I know what I'm going to do. | ||
| I'm going to have a fucking mole with Nile Crocodiles. | ||
| Those big ones, 28 foot long. | ||
| Eat a motherfucking wheel with a BC one bite. | ||
| You're going to fuck with my cocaine. | ||
| Some Colombian definitely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Yeah, that was. | ||
| Well, didn't those dudes back in the Miami Vice days, didn't those dudes have leopards in their backyard? | ||
| Rico and Tubbs, right? | ||
| Yeah, those guys too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had a crocodile in his boat! | |
| Yes, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Or an alligator, some sort of big lizard. | ||
| He did, dude. | ||
| It was on his boat. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It was chained up on his boat. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| That was the doucheous era. | ||
| I got a panther and I got a crocodile. | ||
| That was the douchiest era in all of humanity. | ||
| The 80s cocaine days of Miami is the douchiest era of all time. | ||
| Everybody wanted to have a pet tiger. | ||
| You go over to this guy's house. | ||
| He's got fucking peacocks walking on his front lawn. | ||
| You're like, what's happening here? | ||
| It's all my shit. | ||
| This is my python collection. | ||
| What we do is we grow them to about 10 feet long. | ||
| I just take them out of the Everglades. | ||
| You can't control them after they're 10 feet long. | ||
| I just get a new one and start from scratch. | ||
| Retrain them. | ||
| Just releasing pythons. | ||
|
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|
They fucking have pythons out there that are 20 feet long. | |
| It's the same dude who has grenades. | ||
| I got a hundred grenades in the living room. | ||
| I got rocket launchers under my couch, but I don't tend to use them. | ||
| Why do you have that, man? | ||
| If you want to blow through a wall, there's a wall in your way. | ||
| That's why I got a puma in my weight room. | ||
| Yeah, I got a puma that I keep there for inspiration. | ||
| Sometimes I don't feed him. | ||
| He get real hungry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll be lifting weights right next to him. | |
| I got some wolf colors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Motivation. | |
| It's just the fact that he eyeballing me knowing that I look delicious and nutritious and he's starving to death and make me do more squats. | ||
| Make me do more squats. | ||
| I got paper plates with diamonds on them and shit. | ||
| Well, it's not shit in New York City. | ||
| I saw a reality show where someone, they'll buy like baby crocodiles and shit and keep them in the bathtub. | ||
| Yeah, well, people do that. | ||
| There was a guy who got... | ||
| Cool guy. | ||
| I think it was... | ||
| Keep doing that. | ||
| I think it was either Brooklyn or the Bronx, but he got mauled by a tiger that he had as a pet in an apartment. | ||
| Tommy's got a joke about that. | ||
| Oh, you do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Well, I don't want to give up your bits. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| No, it's just funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's an old one. | |
| Oh, it's an old joke? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| How does it go? | ||
| Come on, hit it, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll do it if you tell me the words. | |
| I talk about another guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll do it. | |
| I talk about the guy, what's it called, that had the animals at his house and he released them. | ||
| You know, remember? | ||
| Oh, the guy in Ohio, yeah. | ||
| I have a bit about that. | ||
| It's on my new album. | ||
| He killed himself, right? | ||
| I'm not plugging it or anything. | ||
| Didn't he kill himself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he did. | |
| He killed them. | ||
| Well, he cut up. | ||
| He released them all. | ||
| And then I believe he cut up some chickens and poured the blood all over himself. | ||
| With dead animals on him. | ||
| And then he had lions and shit that he released, so he got fucked up by everything. | ||
| I think he might have been dead before they got to him, but they eventually, animals were pulling his dead body apart. | ||
| That's a crazy way to go out. | ||
| I've never heard that before. | ||
| Whoa, that's a dude who really loves animals. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Part of the ecosystem. | ||
| What a silly fuck. | ||
| Well, you know, the whole zoo life is really a... | ||
| It's a crazy torture that we do so that we can look at animals in real life. | ||
| Because they don't even allow them to live a natural life while in captivity. | ||
| It's one thing if we had them in an ecosystem that was similar to their own, so we put them in these containment areas and then we let loose antelopes or whatever the fuck it is that they get to run and chase down and kill. | ||
| If that was the case, I think that that would at least be a rewarding life for these cats. | ||
| When you keep pushing that meat out to them and they don't get any sort of chase reward thing going on, We see, like, they play with each other. | ||
| Like, they want to chase things. | ||
| Like, it's a part of the whole dynamics of their organism. | ||
| Like, they're designed to chase and kill shit. | ||
| They're designed to kill all the limpid shit. | ||
| And so you put them in this cage, just, like, jolting their brain. | ||
| Like, they never get a chance to express what they were put on Earth to do. | ||
| It sounds fucked up. | ||
| It's depressing. | ||
| But what are you going to do? | ||
| Are you going to stop the gazelles from breeding and you're going to control the gazelle? | ||
| Put a few fucking gazelles in the cage with them. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Just let them in there. | ||
| Yeah, and then invite me to watch it. | ||
| I'll pay extra. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Definitely. | |
| Here's the key. | ||
| What's the difference, goddammit, between the meat that you're giving them? | ||
| Because you're giving them meat. | ||
| Someone's killing an animal and someone's giving him that meat. | ||
| Why can't he do that? | ||
| Because you know he wants to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone else is killing it. | ||
| It's not like you're saving an animal. | ||
| Someone else is killing a fucking animal, and you're cutting it up, and then you're sliding it under the track. | ||
| Why not just let a cow loose and let them go? | ||
| And talk about driving up revenue, because if they were like, hey, it's an extra 70 to watch, I'd be like, here you go. | ||
| You know, that's what they do in Asia. | ||
| In Asia, when they feed tigers, they release goats. | ||
| Brian, Brian, pull one of those videos up. | ||
| You ready to freak the fuck out? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| This is like a common theme, apparently, in Asia. | ||
| When they have tigers, they just have this big dump truck, and they have the dump truck with a couple of fucking goats in it, and they... | ||
| And the goat doesn't know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| But the tigers do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| Because a new goat gets dropped off like that every day. | ||
| So the tigers stand there and stare while this thing backs up and beeps. | ||
| And they just wait. | ||
| And they get real close to it. | ||
| And as soon as this thing opens, the goat dumps out. | ||
| And boom! | ||
| They jump on it. | ||
| Three, four of them at a time. | ||
| Rip it apart into shreds in a matter of seconds. | ||
| And they run away. | ||
| One's got a head. | ||
| One's got a leg. | ||
| I love this. | ||
| Do you find any? | ||
| That's what they're supposed to do. | ||
| Wait till you see this shit, because this is a weird thing to see. | ||
| But this is what they want to do, okay? | ||
| I mean, if you're going to kill that goat anyway, if you're going to feed them goat, why wouldn't you do that? | ||
| Because then at least, I mean, it's still fucked up that you've got them contained like that, but at least then they get to live a tiger's life. | ||
| I feel like the only reason we don't get that is because of some type of animal rights organizations here that don't really exist in other parts of the world. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I think our own lives for a lot of people are so fucking suppressive and ridiculous and restrained that we don't give a fuck about that stupid elephant. | ||
| Tough shit, bitch. | ||
| Take your cage. | ||
| I don't like my cubicle. | ||
| You don't like your cage? | ||
| Oh, here it goes. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| They're just sitting there watching and waiting. | ||
| These are lions. | ||
| This is a different one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But I guess they do what lions do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're massive. | |
| So they're just sitting around and they lift up this dunk truck. | ||
| They're opening the door right now and the lions are just hovering right in front of it. | ||
| Here it comes. | ||
|
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|
There's all the lions there. | |
| This is a shitty way to go. | ||
| That beep is this guy honking his horn. | ||
| He's trying to control the lions by honking his horn. | ||
| Imagine if you're in this. | ||
| Good luck with that. | ||
| And you're hogtied. | ||
| Look, this horn ain't doing shit to these lions. | ||
| Because they know. | ||
| Here it comes. | ||
| Yeah, with the horn. | ||
| Now the guy's going to lift it up. | ||
| It's really going high now. | ||
| And the thing's going to drop out. | ||
| Why is he honking with the horn, you son of a bitch? | ||
| Maybe he's got his dick out and he's really excited. | ||
| Something's gonna die. | ||
| Hey, well, here, he pulled it out of it. | ||
| There it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Oh my god, that's it. | ||
| They just latch onto it and just rip it to shreds. | ||
| Look at it, they're all playing tug-of-war. | ||
| There's like nine lines. | ||
| And another one tries to get in, and this one pawed at him. | ||
| See, that one's pawing at him. | ||
| I don't hear it crying anymore. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Because that guy's honking. | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| God damn it! | ||
| People are screaming. | ||
| That is awesome. | ||
| I'd pay a lot to see that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy... | |
| Is that a seven year old? | ||
| Okay, you do not want to fuck that chick. | ||
| Is that a girl or a boy? | ||
| If that's a girl, you do not want to fuck her. | ||
| If that's a boy, he needs to be monitored. | ||
| He needs to be monitored. | ||
| Look at that piece that it taught. | ||
| These are impressive, but these are lions. | ||
| If you can find tigers, Brian, see if you can find tigers, because the tiger video that I saw is way more quick. | ||
| Way more quickerer. | ||
| Way more ferocious. | ||
| But this does seem more humane, oddly, when you're feeding these wild animals. | ||
| Oh, it's totally more humane. | ||
| Allow them to be in their element, to be with your nature. | ||
| That's what they're supposed to be doing. | ||
| I think that way is ridiculous, with a slow dump truck. | ||
| But there should be a gate, and you should let a couple of them out in the morning. | ||
| What the fuck are you going to do? | ||
| I think the footage I saw from the Baghdad Zoo was like that. | ||
| Terrible way to die. | ||
| Someone's honking their horn. | ||
| And all of a sudden they're playing tug-of-war with your body, just ripping parts off your body. | ||
| With these monstrous jaws and giant white teeth that penetrate flesh and just pulling you apart literally for your sustenance, for your flesh. | ||
| What a suck world the world of the jungle is. | ||
| My God. | ||
| The world of the jungle is a motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Here's another one. | ||
| This guy's, again, same thing. | ||
| This time it's tigers. | ||
| Look how much bigger the tigers are than the lions. | ||
| Again, a motherfucker with a horn. | ||
| This is like sport for them. | ||
| I guess they don't want him climbing inside. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Listen to that thing make noise. | ||
| Oh man, it's biting. | ||
| He's killing it now. | ||
| He's just getting a hold of the neck. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| He broke the neck and killed it. | ||
| Look how quick he killed that thing, man. | ||
| That's a cow. | ||
| Dude, he killed that cow instantly with his jaws. | ||
| He just took it, snapped it, and killed it. | ||
| It didn't look like it took a lot of effort. | ||
| No. | ||
| It kind of looked like he was picking up a cup to have a sip out of it. | ||
| That was a cow one. | ||
| The goat one's the most fucked up one because they just tear them apart and run away with the pieces. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What a way to go for that goat. | |
| But if you're a goat, you've got to realize this is what you're here for. | ||
| You're here to eat grass and get fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, you're not that high on the food chain. | ||
| One of these days, someone's going to find you slipping and they're going to eat your ass. | ||
| Find you slipping. | ||
| Yeah, and you guys walk. | ||
| You make a lot of noise. | ||
| Mountain lions have good ears. | ||
| They're just gonna slowly sneak up behind you bitches and someone's gonna get jacked. | ||
| Damn, I can't believe. | ||
| The odds you live in the tent are pretty small. | ||
| You gotta get out of here? | ||
| No, I can't believe how little effort that was. | ||
| So easy. | ||
| To kill a cow. | ||
| A cow! | ||
| I know. | ||
| Big ass cow! | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| Grabbed him by the neck. | ||
| Shook it. | ||
| Snapped. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Would you rather be taken down by a lion or a crocodile? | ||
| I think you want a lion. | ||
| Because a lion is going to actually kill you. | ||
| The crocodile will just start eating you. | ||
| And they drown you too. | ||
| They'll drown you. | ||
| They'll eat your dick first. | ||
| They'll eat your dick first. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That death roll? | |
| Those crocodiles love dick. | ||
| They'll eat your fucking delicious dick. | ||
| I think that's the thing with bears, too. | ||
| Bears, they don't kill you first. | ||
| They just eat you. | ||
| Because what you want to do is you want to get killed by a predator. | ||
| Because predators are always, if you're getting killed by something that doesn't always kill its stuff, sometimes it eats a lot of things that it finds laying around, whether it's carrion or whether it's berries or vegetables like bears. | ||
| They just eat you. | ||
| They're not concerned with killing you. | ||
| Once they have you, they have you. | ||
| They weigh 1,200 fucking pounds. | ||
| So they just start eating. | ||
| Why kill you first? | ||
| I don't care if you scream. | ||
| I'm trying to eat your dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they just chew chunks of you. | |
| They say that the Grizzly Man documentary, when that guy died. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| Amazing, right? | ||
| Love it. | ||
| Folks, if you have not watched Grizzly Man, it's one of the best unintentional comedies in the history of filmmaking. | ||
| It's what brought us together. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| It's kind of our love story. | ||
| Tell me! | ||
| Tell me! | ||
| When we were dating, I was like, I don't know, I forget, but we were like, we gotta go to see this movie about this fucking guy that lived with bears. | ||
| I remember the news story breaking. | ||
| And we went, and we're sitting in this theater, I think it was in Pasadena at a... | ||
| A Lemley. | ||
| Lemley. | ||
| So it was more of like, it was playing in the artsy theater. | ||
| It wasn't in the major release theaters. | ||
| It was in the artsy theaters around. | ||
| And we went, and there was maybe like 50 or 60 people at it. | ||
| And... | ||
| The whole time, every beat of the movie, we're in hysterics, laughing, and the other 50 people are not. | ||
| They're all serious moviegoers that really feel for the guys. | ||
| We have tears. | ||
| Our eyes lock. | ||
| We're getting looks from people. | ||
| We're getting looks like, it's not fucking funny, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We loved it. | |
| Oh, it's so funny though. | ||
| It's like, it does a disservice to his life to pretend that he wasn't funny. | ||
| Yeah, I agree. | ||
| Remember the pilot? | ||
| The best line is the pilot who would drop him off and he was like, he decided he wanted to go live with bears and I thought he was retarded. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's right! | |
| That guy summed up that dude's entire life. | ||
| My favorite part was when he was walking around with his camera Talking to his camera about how easy it would be if he was gay, but he's not gay. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And he's like so obviously gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So obvious. | |
| And he's walking around with his camera and he's like talking to it. | ||
| I ran into some guy who his roommate, like apparently the grizzly man was in love with his roommate. | ||
| And when his roommate didn't reciprocate, he trashed his apartment. | ||
| Apparently he was a bit of an angry fellow. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like if you ever saw the video and like he's screaming and yelling into the camera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He does like a bunch of different takes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| Fuck you, Park Rangers! | ||
| The fuck are you doing for these pairs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, I worked it out. | |
| I worked it out. | ||
| Try it again. | ||
| It's due to my time. | ||
| And he's got this really obvious sort of femme gay voice. | ||
| He's got that voice. | ||
| This unmistakable, stereotypical, cartoonish gay voice. | ||
| And so he's walking, holding up the camera, going, well, if I was gay, I could just go to a rest stop and meet a guy. | ||
| But I'm not. | ||
| Timothy Treadwell's not gay. | ||
| It's the weirdest thing. | ||
| This poor fucking guy. | ||
| He was so torn up and confused and conflicted that he just decided to go live with bears. | ||
| See if he could just get some dick. | ||
| He misread the fucking newsletter and went after real bears instead of big guys like me. | ||
| It was crazy how close he got to the animals, like where the fox became his little buddy. | ||
| And I remember when the bear poos. | ||
| He goes, look, it's so fresh. | ||
| He just came out of her butt, it's still warm. | ||
| He's like touching her shit. | ||
| Wasn't the fox called like foxy? | ||
| Mrs. Cupcake. | ||
| Yeah, the fox is foxy. | ||
| What was the thing? | ||
| Hi, Mr. Chocolate. | ||
| It also sounded so gay. | ||
| Remember when the bear approached him one time? | ||
| A bear was approaching him and he was like, fuck you, fuck you. | ||
| Or like, get away from me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love you. | |
| Get the fuck away from me. | ||
| I love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the fuck away from me. | |
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| It was the reverse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love you. | |
| Get away from me. | ||
| He has to be stern with them. | ||
| Have to be stern with them. | ||
| You don't want to let them get in too close. | ||
| Apparently, the death video, where they never got a lens on it, so it's only audio, because they had the cap on, but the camera was running, is seven minutes long. | ||
| It took them seven minutes for the bear to eat them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, boy. | |
| Yeah, it was him and his girlfriend. | ||
| Oh, right, his then-girlfriend. | ||
| The girlfriend hit the bear over the head with a frying pan, apparently, a couple times, and the bear was like, bitch? | ||
| And that was a sick bear, apparently. | ||
| It was a sick bear? | ||
| They found out, like, later on, I remember, you can look it up, that I don't remember if the bear had, like... | ||
| Some type of disease, I don't know, rabies or something, where it wasn't like a healthy, normal-functioning bear. | ||
| It was hungry. | ||
| Yeah, but it was because of something else. | ||
| That's what I read. | ||
| The problem with that is that they didn't really find much of the bear. | ||
| Because they shot the bear when they flew over and they saw that the bear had killed these people. | ||
| Because apparently a pilot saw the rib cage coming up. | ||
| That's what he saw. | ||
| And he realized that this bear was eating a person. | ||
| He saw clothes, saw a tent, saw a camp. | ||
| So he knew that the bear was eating a person. | ||
| So they got a guy, you know, one of the rangers, I guess, shot him. | ||
| And then when they went back, I think it was like a couple of months later, there was nothing left. | ||
| It was like, you know, there was just fucking a couple pieces of bones. | ||
| I thought they found them in the bear's insides. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They might have. | ||
| I mean, they might have processed the bear's guts once they killed him. | ||
| It's most likely. | ||
| And by no means, if you're listening, do not let this deter you from living with bears. | ||
| Go for it. | ||
| It should be fine. | ||
| I'm addicted to all these Alaska shows, man. | ||
| That's really cool. | ||
| I watch all these Last Frontier shows, like Alaska, The Last Frontier, and The Yukon Men. | ||
| That is crazy living, man. | ||
| You just went hunting somewhere up north, didn't you? | ||
| Montana. | ||
| That's pretty cool, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Montana's beautiful. | |
| Montana doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| We went down the Missouri River into a place called the Badlands, and the Badlands does not give a fuck. | ||
| You might as well have gone to the moon. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, you might as well be on the moon. | ||
| There's no one there, there's no cell phone signal, you ain't got shit, you got no radio, and you are in what is the bottom of a giant ancient ocean. | ||
| It used to be the Great Western Inland Sea during the Jurassic period. | ||
| There was dinosaurs and shit roaming through that area. | ||
| So the bottom, the ground everywhere is like silt. | ||
| It's like that same slippery shit on the bottom of a lake. | ||
| So you have mountains that are covered in silt. | ||
| They had homesteads out there. | ||
| Where they gave people, like, if you lived there, you could claim a giant chunk of land, and as long as you lived on it for a certain amount of time, it would be your land. | ||
| Well, they gave these people this land, and they all left. | ||
| They all quit. | ||
| You can't grow anything on them. | ||
| It's like this crazy, silty shit, and there's deer around, but, man, you've got to fucking hunt for days sometimes to kill one. | ||
| So you're out there camping and trying to catch these deer and bringing them back to your family at a certain point in time. | ||
| Like, look, we've got to get the fuck out of here. | ||
| We're going to run out of food. | ||
| And so they all did. | ||
| They all bailed. | ||
| It's just not reliable. | ||
| And in the wintertime, it gets way too fucking cold. | ||
| It gets so cold that the river freezes. | ||
| The river freezes solid. | ||
| You gotta cut holes in it and try to get fish out of there. | ||
| Bitch! | ||
| Good luck trying to feed yourself like that. | ||
| So they all bailed. | ||
| So that's where we went hunting. | ||
| It was fascinating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's pretty awesome. | |
| It was literally like going to another planet. | ||
| It was so humbling. | ||
| You know, to live outside like that for five days in that kind of environment is really, really, really humbling. | ||
| Because you start to see, first of all, how fragile you are, even just the temperature. | ||
| Like it was 12 degrees out when we were sleeping outside. | ||
| It's 12 degrees. | ||
| So you're bundled up in this sleeping bag and shit and zipped over your head and trying to squeeze yourself to make your body warm. | ||
| And it's 12 degrees. | ||
| It's 12. And nothing gives a fuck about you. | ||
| There's just a bunch of things out there eating other things. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's deer eating grass, mountain lions eating deer. | ||
| We found mountain lion shit, this big thick rope of shit with fur in it. | ||
| It's like, whoa, son. | ||
| You know, you're seeing, you know, this is the food chain. | ||
| This is this one really harsh ecosystem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, even that survivor guy, where he goes out, he went to, like, Scotland, and just on the other side of the hill, like, there's people living, right, at the Moors or whatever, on the other side, he tries to spend the night there, where people do live, just out in the wild, and he, you know, he almost freezes his dick off. | ||
| It's fucking cold. | ||
| Is this the real survivor man, or that other guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I don't remember which one it was. | ||
| Because that West guy, the guy who slept in hotels. | ||
| There was a guy who slept in hotels that made it seem like he wasn't? | ||
| Yeah, you didn't know that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, first of all, the real guy is Les Stroud. | ||
| Les Stroud is the real guy. | ||
| He goes for 10 days now. | ||
| Films it all himself. | ||
| He's the real deal. | ||
| He's legit. | ||
| But that Bear Grylls character... | ||
| That dude is apparently... | ||
| He's some military guy. | ||
| He probably is sort of a survival expert. | ||
| But when he was doing that show, he was faking a lot of shit. | ||
| Like, we just came upon a SEAL carcass. | ||
| Now we can use this for food. | ||
| Yeah, that's the guy there. | ||
| He didn't really come across a SEAL carcass. | ||
| They put that thing there. | ||
| According to Les, Les says they made Man vs. | ||
| Wild because they were always trying to get him to fake shit. | ||
| But he wouldn't fake shit. | ||
| We had him on the podcast. | ||
| He was talking about it. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| I'll listen to that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, so he told me that that's why they got Bear Grylls to do his show. | ||
| They were like, we'll show you. | ||
| We're going to do the same show. | ||
| Do your own show, but we're faking everything. | ||
| But meanwhile, everybody found out they faked things, and nobody wants to watch it now. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I don't want to watch some dude pretending he's sleeping in the jungle, or is he getting helicoptered into a four-star hotel in the disco at night, drinking margaritas. | ||
| He's putting back there in the morning, and he's like, oh, what a night. | ||
| Getting massaged at a spa. | ||
| He's getting his feet massaged. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, a night in the jungle is not pleasant. | |
| But thankfully, I can drink my own piss to stay hydrated. | ||
| Don't drink ocean water, but drink plenty of urine. | ||
| I love that shit, though. | ||
| I love all that stuff. | ||
| I love the real shit. | ||
| I can't watch the Bear Grylls show. | ||
| As soon as I found out that they were manufacturing scenarios... | ||
| I understand what they're saying. | ||
| They're saying he's showing you how you would survive. | ||
| If you came across this. | ||
| So let's just make this happen and have him deal with it. | ||
| But he did a lot of shit that was like you would never do. | ||
| Like really dangerous, risky shit. | ||
| Like jumping off of things. | ||
| Like why is he jumping off of this? | ||
| Like sliding down the sides of mountains. | ||
| Like why are you doing it like this? | ||
| This seems dangerous. | ||
| Go sliding into an ice cave. | ||
| Like why? | ||
| There's nothing in there for you. | ||
| Don't go in that ice cave. | ||
| Stop it! | ||
| Jesus Christ, what are you doing there? | ||
| Avoid that cave! | ||
| Just a crazy asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally. | |
| But that's what they want you to do. | ||
| If you tried to make a Tom and Christina, your mom's house reality show, do you know how much fucking bullshit you'd have to deal with? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| First of all, because you guys don't have a big enough name to carry it, just based on that, so they're going to have to promote it. | ||
| So they're going to have to say, well, you know, Tom, look, I know you're a well-known stand-up comedian. | ||
| The world will stand-up comedy, but people don't know you as an actor, okay? | ||
| So we're going to need some help with this. | ||
| You're going to need to help us along with this. | ||
| We're going to get your show going. | ||
| What do I need to do? | ||
| What's our show, Joe? | ||
| It's not all reality. | ||
| What is reality? | ||
| We're going to make some things happen and you just do your thing. | ||
| When the thing is really happening, we're just making it happen. | ||
| You're like, oh, yeah, okay, sure. | ||
| So next thing you know, you guys are in marriage counseling. | ||
| You're having a fake argument. | ||
| There's a walrus in the backyard. | ||
| How are you going to deal with it? | ||
| You lost your redneck. | ||
| I love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You lost your redneck. | |
| I'd love to make that show if you're proposing. | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm telling you don't do it. | ||
| I'm trying to tell you not to sell out. | ||
| I'm selling. | ||
| If you're buying, I'm selling. | ||
| No, definitely not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No way. | |
| Well, that's the thing about you guys having this podcast. | ||
| Your podcast is perfect because nobody tells you what to do. | ||
| Like all podcasts. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| They really represent what the fuck you're thinking. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| You don't lose the message in the producers or network notes or any of that shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's really what you want it to be. | ||
| And that's what's cool about the different circle of podcasts, especially ones that feel like they're sprung off from people that you're associated with, is that each is a representation of everybody's personality and who they are. | ||
| Skeptic Tank with Ari is... | ||
| It's so... | ||
| You're getting... | ||
| That's who Ari is, and that's what he wants the show to be. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And, you know, Joey Diaz is the same way. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Church of what's happening now. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And then I just did... | ||
| Duncan Trussell family. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Duncan is... | ||
| That's a total Duncan experience. | ||
| And you're getting to know the guy. | ||
| And then Burt just came out with a podcast. | ||
| Yeah, Burtcast. | ||
| Burtcast. | ||
| I did the first episode. | ||
| I should say I just sat there and laughed on the first episode because it was in Burt's... | ||
| At Burt's place... | ||
| And he had Joey Diaz and his father and me in this room and Bert, as you know, he's steering the ship. | ||
| It's what he wants it to be. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| But you just sit there listening to Diaz and Mr. Kreischer. | ||
| And it's the fucking funniest thing. | ||
| I mean, I was crying. | ||
| I was in tears. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| And... | ||
| What we do in your mom's house, it's exactly what we want the show to be. | ||
| That's the most fun about it. | ||
| We're so lucky right now, right? | ||
| Don't you feel that? | ||
| This is the best time to be a stand-up comic because you don't need the big networks now. | ||
| If you want to do your fucking hour, you don't need to go through Comedy Central. | ||
| If you want to talk to your audience, you can reach them directly through a podcast. | ||
| They can download it any time, a day or night. | ||
| It's the best thing. | ||
| And what's really cool about this is that people that get into a position where people are paying attention to, then they can tell you about some other cool shit. | ||
| Sort of like retweeting. | ||
| I love retweeting because people send me some really fucking cool articles and I'll retweet those and a lot of it is really interesting shit. | ||
| And there's no way you're going to accumulate all that crap on your own. | ||
| You need some help out there. | ||
| And that's one of the cool things about having a successful podcast is your podcast now has a big following. | ||
| You could tell them, hey, watch Burt Kreischer's podcast. | ||
| Listen to Burt Kreischer's podcast. | ||
| And now everybody goes, oh, awesome. | ||
| And then they go, wow, I like the way Tommy thinks. | ||
| Tommy makes me laugh. | ||
| Christina makes me laugh. | ||
| They're saying that this is a great podcast. | ||
| I'll go check it out. | ||
| And then it branches off, and they can do that, and the next person, and Ari can introduce a new one. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That's the coolest thing about it. | ||
| We know so many people that are really fucking funny, but... | ||
| In this day and age, before podcasting, it was really hard to get your name out there, just as a stand-up. | ||
| You had to have some TV credits in order to be in a club, and even then, it takes a long time for people to take enough chances on you, and the word of mouth, and returning to a place over and over again. | ||
| To build up markets, that's a long, hard road. | ||
| But now all they have to do is be funny. | ||
| And podcasting, too. | ||
| This was kind of an experiment for me. | ||
| I spoke to you about it. | ||
| I also spoke to Bill Burr, Al Madrigal, about putting out an album on my own. | ||
| And you guys, I'm saying separately, all encouraged me to do that. | ||
| And I did it on my own, put it out. | ||
| But podcasting is... | ||
| The thing that got really an audience for it. | ||
| I put it out there and the whole success of doing this thing on my own where you feel kind of like you're an entrepreneur. | ||
| I'm not going to go the label route. | ||
| I'm just going to record it and I'm going to just do it on my own and putting it out there and then seeing if it works. | ||
| But seeing that the success is basically because of the audience we built from doing podcasts. | ||
| Yeah, it's a crazy connection, too. | ||
| And don't you feel kind of obligated to be in communication with these people? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And keep making more content for them. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And it's so cool when the stand-up now, I think the last time I saw you I was like, hey, my audience isn't there yet. | ||
| They're coming now. | ||
| And it makes such a difference when I look out and I can see that they know who I am and I recognize them and I see that we have this wonderful connection and to talk to the people after and you're like, this is awesome! | ||
| Like, this is what I've wanted for so long. | ||
| Yeah, we brought Brian on stage in Austin and they went fucking apeshit. | ||
| Brian got like a standing ovation going on stage in Austin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And did you ever watch that interview Alex Jones did of us? | |
| That was pretty cool. | ||
| Yeah, it was good. | ||
| It was really cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was cool, yeah. | |
| Alex Jones came back and he may or may not have gotten high. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| May or may not. | ||
| I did Brian's, like, little Death Squad tour in Ohio a couple months ago, right? | ||
| A month ago? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And, holy shit, when you were brought on stage... | ||
| The place went fucking crazy. | ||
| It's a completely different world now because of podcasts. | ||
| You can literally make people famous in the real world. | ||
| They walk around. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| But it's like everything that comedy networks never were. | ||
| Comedy networks were never really comedians networking. | ||
| This is like a real comedy network. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Because all of us, it's like, you know, if I tell you, go listen to Joey Diaz's CD, and I'm crying and laughing when I tell you that, you can trust me. | ||
| Go listen to that shit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like, we know what Ari's tastes are like. | ||
| We know what Duncan's tastes are like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get to know them. | ||
| It's a rare time, man. | ||
| There's never been a moment like this for entertainers. | ||
| No. | ||
| Where you can just sort of do your own thing. | ||
| You're so in connection with the audience that wants to be with you. | ||
| You're connected to them. | ||
| Before, that would take a fucking pen and a pad and a letter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus! | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they get to know the real you, which is an interesting facet of celebrity now, I think. | ||
| And I don't know if it... | ||
| It seems like in the past, celebrities had to have two lives. | ||
| Like, there's your public sphere and your private... | ||
| And now those two spheres are merging, and they almost have to because of this technology. | ||
| They have access to the real you. | ||
| Yeah, and it's kind of cool. | ||
| I mean, obviously there's drawbacks to that as well. | ||
| If you're a douchebag. | ||
| If you're a douchebag. | ||
| They're going to know who you really are. | ||
| Correct, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think that's ultimately where the whole world is headed. | ||
| The no secrets world. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| And no shame world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because everything... | ||
| This generation's growing up in public. | ||
| Not like we did. | ||
| There's no notion anymore of like, keep that photograph in your locker. | ||
| Like, now put the photograph on Facebook. | ||
| Everyone's going to see your titties. | ||
| Everybody's going to see everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh-ooh! | |
| Ooh-ooh! | ||
| See them titties. | ||
| Put them titties in my face, girl. | ||
| Yeah, it's these kids today, too. | ||
| If you stop and think about how silly you were when you were 17. Oh, my God. | ||
| Can you imagine how many pictures of your dick would be online? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| There would be chapters. | ||
| There would be gigabytes of my dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Torrents. | |
| There would be torrents of your dick. | ||
| My dick would be everywhere. | ||
| I would be famous for being the dumbest kid to play with my dick. | ||
| And send it in emails. | ||
| I would just upload it everywhere. | ||
| I would dick roll everybody instead of Rick roll. | ||
| I would release videos. | ||
| The video would start out with some music and then I would jump out with my dick. | ||
| And funny ones, too, though, right? | ||
| With sunglasses on your dick and your dick smoking a cigarette. | ||
| I would do whatever I could to get you to look at my dick. | ||
| If I had access to that when I was 17, anonymous access, you'd all be seeing my dick. | ||
| This is a fact. | ||
| I'd get it out there. | ||
| So great. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Yeah, imagine these poor kids today. | ||
| Anything they do, someone photoshopped, makes a photoshop of them. | ||
| Just hundreds of photoshops of me with a woman's body, with a dude banging me. | ||
| There's a lot of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did half of them. | |
| Remember the real dolls I made of you? - Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious, man. | ||
| Photoshop is amazing. | ||
| What you can do and not do. | ||
| Sometimes you have to look at a picture and go, shop! | ||
| Someone's being real subtle. | ||
| Fucking Mitt Romney's mom jeans photo. | ||
| So good. | ||
| That's Photoshop. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| But you look at it and you're like, those jeans are really high on me. | ||
| You're not sure. | ||
| So high and so tight. | ||
| And they raised him up just enough to make it questionable. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| I did this political show for the web, for Comedy Central. | ||
| I was a writer on it that Kyle Kinane hosted earlier this year, all leading up to the election. | ||
| And the whole thing, one of the episodes, we were like, gotta use this photo of Mitt Romney. | ||
| And we had people doing research just to make sure, like, is this photoshopped? | ||
| Because it's one of those, you're like, this is so well done. | ||
| You're like, no, that's not real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But people were like, lawyers were like, is this really real? | |
| Lawyers. | ||
| I remember when the De La Hoya photos came out of him wearing women's clothes. | ||
| And he had experts examine them and show proof that they had been doctored. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then later he came out and said, alright, this is me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got doing coke and dressed up like a chick. | |
| That's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's awesome. | |
| He didn't want to come clean with that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like him even more. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I like that he probably got that monkey off his back. | ||
| They probably fucked with him for a long time. | ||
| Plus, I'm sure... | ||
| I like panties. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| That Russian chick, if she's still alive, she probably still tortures him with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| He's probably scared. | ||
| One day she's going to do interviews and shit and he's not going to be able to pay her off anymore. | ||
| Let's see the ball kicking video. | ||
| Let's see that one. | ||
| Take it back home. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ball kicks. | |
| Too much. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| Poor Oscar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you think you like to get ball kicked? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Just like he's beating so many dudes' asses, he wanted shit to beat his ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| There you go. | ||
| Dressed up like a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Makes sense. | |
| You got tired of being like super macho man and just wanted to wear a dress and shit. | ||
| Well, they say the majority of dudes that are into S&M are being submissive or lawyers and high-powered people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| Who have to be in control in their daily lives, and then they like a good ball kicking. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When I control everything else, I tell people what to do all the time. | ||
| Wear a diaper. | ||
| Treat me like a baby. | ||
| Throw pies at me. | ||
| Change me. | ||
| Call me Daisy. | ||
| How can we save those people, folks? | ||
| Is there anything we could do? | ||
| Do we just accept the fact that they're just a part of the spectrum of life? | ||
| I think you have to. | ||
| That or Alphabrain? | ||
| One of the two is going to work. | ||
| That's not going to help. | ||
| Alphabrain and Shroom Tech together, maybe he has a chance if he immediately starts pill sprints today. | ||
| No, they're definitely... | ||
| It definitely is part of the spectrum. | ||
| That's the crazy thing, is knowing that, like, you know, a dude... | ||
| It's all normal. | ||
| That's all on there, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody... | |
| Yeah, what the fuck, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| What a wacky spectrum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| The spectrum of human beings, you know? | ||
| And behavior, it's mind-boggling. | ||
| Some dudes like to eat people. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's out there. | ||
| That guy that killed his gay lover recently and chopped up his ass on camera and was eating chunks of his ass. | ||
| On camera! | ||
|
unidentified
|
If he only had battle ropes. | |
| Yeah, if that guy on the bottom has some jiu-jitsu, maybe he'll follow the position. | ||
| And get to the top, the mount, take the knife away from him. | ||
| Okay, now you're doing better. | ||
| What a shitty way to die. | ||
| Guy kills you, fucks you, and then eats your ass on TV. He's slicing it up. | ||
| That is a bad way. | ||
| Christ. | ||
| What the fuck is with people wanting to eat people? | ||
| What are you proving? | ||
| I would try it, though. | ||
| I'd taste it. | ||
| If you were dying of starvation? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What race do you think would be the most delicious? | ||
| Okay, let's talk about this. | ||
| She thought about it. | ||
| Well, let's see. | ||
| Okay, because I know in sushi I like fatty tuna the most because it's a nice fatty piece. | ||
| So white people right now are pretty fatty. | ||
| White Americans. | ||
| I'm going to go corn-fed Iowa woman in the airport that looks like Sam Kinison, fat lady. | ||
| I think that would be good, but the fattiness would be more like a pork, I think. | ||
| It's like pork belly. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think it'd be like tuna at all. | ||
| Like not the fatty tuna? | ||
| Well, even when tunas are slightly fatty, like the bottom area, that's lean as fuck compared to almost every other organism on the planet. | ||
| Still pretty muscular. | ||
| Yeah, you want to look at a human? | ||
| Humans are gross. | ||
| A pork rind? | ||
| I like pork rinds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, more like a roast. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Like a fat, sloppy pork roast where the meat's just falling off because it's all made out of Cheetos and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The only nutrition that's had is soda. | ||
| I'll take a kind of fat black eye, you know? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Exotic. | ||
| With black beans and rice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exotic. | |
| Perhaps some hot sauce. | ||
| I think, you know, the black eyes are pretty, like, naturally muscular, so I take one that's kind of fat, so I get a nice mixture of, like, it's like a ribeye. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I get marbled. | ||
| Marbled. | ||
| Marbled, but not crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, and probably it's the darker meat too. | ||
| It's probably more nutritious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd go Indian because it's already seasoned. | |
| That's a good point. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| But not a lot of meat on those. | ||
| Not a lot of meat on their own. | ||
| With all that curry, they say that pineapple flavors your loads. | ||
| I'm sure curry would flavor your rump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Let's do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Curry and armpit. | |
| Yeah, you got curry in your fats. | ||
| Well, that's the case with bears. | ||
| With bears, you want to eat a bear that gets shot after eats a lot of blueberries. | ||
| The bears, if you eat bears, apparently it's some of the most delicious meat you can have. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because it literally changes the way their flesh tastes. | ||
| And they're fat. | ||
| Their fat has all this blueberry in the fat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's delicious. | |
| It's really nutty. | ||
| Let's do a trip. | ||
| Let's go kill a bear. | ||
| What about you, Joe? | ||
| What's your racial choice? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's obvious. | |
| Probably Asians. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's obvious? | |
| How come? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just know Joe's type. | |
| He's either Brazilian or Asians. | ||
| Probably would have like, Asians aren't known for being the most muscular. | ||
| Probably get a good cut. | ||
| Did you ever hear about that one guy from Japan who murdered a girl, cooked her and ate her and then got off Like on some insanity case. | ||
| He was only incarcerated for a small amount of time. | ||
| Did he keep some of her for a long time? | ||
| Like in a closet or something? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Something along the line. | ||
| I forget the guy's name, but he was famous for it. | ||
| Yoshi Obayashi. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| That guy, I'll pull it up. | ||
| Well, I mean, give the guy a break, man. | ||
| Like, so he had a bad, you know, did a bad thing. | ||
| Well, she probably did something wrong, right? | ||
| She probably said some shit she shouldn't have said. | ||
| Yeah, she's talked a lot of shit. | ||
| Talked during the football game. | ||
| This is his name, Isai Sagawa. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty fucking crazy. | ||
| And apparently this dude has described openly, in 1981 he murdered and cannibalized a Dutch woman named Rene Hartevelt, and after his release he became a minor celebrity in Japan making a living through public interest in his crime. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He served time in a French jail. | ||
| Oh, the French let him out. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| How long did he serve? | ||
| Like, listen, he has suffered enough. | ||
| All he did is eat one American. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He is under five feet tall, and he felt like he was weak and inadequate, and he ate her because he wanted to absorb her energy. | ||
| That's a good reason. | ||
| He fainted at the shock of shooting her, but awoke with the realization that he had to carry out his desire to eat her. | ||
| He did so beginning with her buttocks and thighs after having sex with her corpse. | ||
| In interviews, he noted his surprise that the corn-colored nature of human fat. | ||
| For two days, Sagawa ate various parts of her body. | ||
| He described the meat as soft and odorless, like tuna. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Wow. | ||
| That shit's crazy. | ||
| You fucking nailed it. | ||
| Nailed that flavor. | ||
| You're a natural cannibal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| I think this is an in-shaped girl, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| I think this wasn't a fatty. | ||
| She wasn't a fatty. | ||
| I don't think he was eating someone for their pork-like deliciousness. | ||
| Sam Kinison-like deliciousness. | ||
| He then attempted to dump the mutilated body in a remote lake, but was seen in the act and later arrested by the French police, who found parts of the deceased still in his refrigerator. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| His wealthy father provided a top lawyer for his defense, and after being held for two years without trial in a French jail, the blah blah blah found him legally insane and unfit to stand trial and ordered him to be held indefinitely in a mental institution. | ||
| Good call. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How long did he... | ||
| He spent over three months there, and then he went home. | ||
| Yeah, how did they let him out? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Okay, the Japanese authorities found it legally impossible to hold him because the French government refused to release court documents, which remain a secret to Japan, claiming that the case was already dropped in France. | ||
| So as a result... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| They extradited him to Japan, and when they let him in Japan, Japan just let him go. | ||
| Oh, jeez. | ||
| It's funny how that always happens when somebody from a country gets caught for something in another country. | ||
| There's always this irrational, we just want him, and don't punish him. | ||
| Listen to how crazy this is. | ||
| Upon his arrival in Japan, he was immediately taken to the Matsuzawa Hospital, where examining psychologists all found him to be sane, stating that sexual perversion was the sole motivation for the murder. | ||
| That sounds like a sadistic, evil motherfucker then, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| However, the Japanese authorities found it legally impossible to hold him because the French government refused to release the documents. | ||
| So they said that this guy was just depraved. | ||
| He was totally saying depraved and just sexual perversion was the reason why I killed this chick. | ||
| He kills one, and then he makes a living as a minor celebrity. | ||
| He's invited as a guest speaker on TV shows and shit. | ||
| He pretends to eat people. | ||
| He mocks biting people. | ||
| That's like if Ted Bundy was doing talk shows. | ||
| He wrote books about the murder. | ||
| He wrote books about it, describing it in great detail. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Jesus Christ, man. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| Japanese are so different. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That culture is... | ||
| Brian, out of all the places that we've ever been to, wasn't that the one that most felt like we were on another planet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, it was great. | |
| I can't wait to go back. | ||
| But wasn't it like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Taiwan. | |
| It really felt... | ||
| It really felt like you were in another planet. | ||
| It's like you're in Blade Runner or something. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just got hit again with an earthquake. | |
| 7.2, yeah. | ||
| I didn't even know that. | ||
| It's looking ugly. | ||
| It's looking ugly for the Japanese. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| I'm dying to visit. | ||
| I really want to take a trip one day. | ||
| Tough spot, man. | ||
| Being on an island that's got regular volcanic and earthquake activity like that, and after that big tsunami, the reality of that all setting in, that's a tough spot to live. | ||
| It's not that big either. | ||
| How big is it? | ||
| It's smaller than Texas, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It must be. | |
| I think it's an unbelievable amount of people too. | ||
| Especially Tokyo. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And it's such a modern city too. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like that. | |
| Their buildings. | ||
| I love their writing. | ||
| Seeing their writing all illuminated and shit. | ||
| It really does look like some alien shit. | ||
| It's a fascinating culture. | ||
| They're not so good though. | ||
| You gotta get out of here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I gotta get out of here. | |
| Powerful Brian Redband is out of here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| He's got a bolt. | ||
| And you guys gotta leave too, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, we gotta go. | |
| Let's just wrap this bitch up. | ||
| If anybody wants to follow Christina Pozycki all up in this bitch, you can follow her at Christina with a C. Not one of those freaks that spells it with a K. Yeah, a C-H. C-H Christina P on Twitter. | ||
| And of course, Tom Segar is Tom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
S-E-G-U-R-A. Holla at your boy. | |
| I have the CDs of both of these guys. | ||
| Tommy's new CD is White Girls with Cornrows. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It is amazing. | ||
| Tommy, you've been killing it on the road. | ||
| We've been talking about it on the podcast. | ||
| I keep hearing it over and over again. | ||
| People that tell me they went to your shows, I get messages on Twitter, like, holy shit, Tom killed it. | ||
| He's fucking awesome. | ||
| They love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's awesome. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| You're getting your due, man. | ||
| Thank you for all the Joe Rogan fans that I get to meet that come to shows are phenomenal. | ||
| Thank you for supporting. | ||
| It's really awesome. | ||
| Well, I've been saying this for a while, man. | ||
| You're one of the most unappreciated stand-ups in the country right now. | ||
| I really believe that. | ||
| Nice guy, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's true. | |
| I really believe that. | ||
| You're one of the top guys. | ||
| Alright, that's it for the podcast, you dirty fucks. | ||
| Thanks for having us. | ||
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| Thanks for being on. | ||
| Thanks for having us. | ||
| Thanks to Ting. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com. | ||
| Get 50 bucks off some groovy shit. | ||
| Go to onnit.com. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| And go fuck yourself. | ||
| But... | ||
| But know this. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| It's good to go fuck yourself. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| Life is good. | ||
| It's good to fuck. | ||
| It's good to do everything. | ||
| Just do it all with love, you dirty fucks. | ||
| And we will see you tomorrow. | ||
| Tomorrow with Mix Master Mike of the Beastie Boys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And Russell Peters. | |
| And powerful Russell Peters. | ||
| Together? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And then Wednesday, the great Dom Irera will join us. | ||
| And Sunday, Dennis McKenna, the brother of Terrence McKenna, will regale us with stories of psychedelic adventures. | ||
| And we'll be promoting his new book. | ||
| So, alright. | ||
| Thank you everybody for tuning in and listening and thanks for all the positive messages and all the love out there. | ||
| The amount of happy and positive people that I run into online and in real life as opposed to not happy people is fucking staggering. | ||
| It's the most incredible group of people that we run into at these shows and online. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I don't know what we did to deserve it, but thank you very much and know this. | ||
| We appreciate the shit out of it, and we're never going to forget, and we're never going to stop doing this. | ||
| All right, so we'll see you soon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. | |
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
| Suck it. |
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