Nov. 12, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:08:46
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Sweet baby Jesus, we are back again. | ||
| Satisfaction, relief. | ||
| Tension fulfilled? | ||
| Exploded. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Listen, San Diego, you fucking savages were off the chain this weekend. | ||
| I want to thank the fuck out of every one of you. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| That was one of my favorite shows ever in San Diego. | ||
| Even with hecklers, it was great. | ||
| It was just a couple douchebags. | ||
| Somebody booed Joey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Booed Joey Diaz when he got on stage. | ||
| I think it's the same guy who heckled me later. | ||
| He yelled out, Bullshit! | ||
| Just some poor dude who probably signed up for the army when he was 18. Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of those down there. | ||
| But the audience was fucking incredible. | ||
| God damn, I love San Diego. | ||
| That is one of the most underrated all-time cities. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| The place is incredible. | ||
| Except for their weed fear. | ||
| Well, it's because of the military thing. | ||
| They definitely have an issue with marijuana down there. | ||
| They shut down all the shops. | ||
| There's military everywhere down there. | ||
| It's crazy if you have military and weed. | ||
| Because then they start getting high and going, let's just run to Mexico, man. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| Let's just fucking... | ||
| Let's get out of here. | ||
| Fuck this, dude. | ||
| I don't want to shoot anybody anymore. | ||
| Anyway, thanks everybody. | ||
| Fucking fantastic show. | ||
| This weekend, Montreal. | ||
| Sold out, bitches! | ||
| Suck it! | ||
| No tickets. | ||
| Tough shit. | ||
| You always sell out in Canada. | ||
| You should probably just get super big next time. | ||
| I should probably just move there. | ||
| That's what I should probably do. | ||
| Canada is fucking awesome. | ||
| Even in November, in Montreal, with Duncan Trussell, we are going to be there and eventually see Georges St-Pierre going to fight Carlos Condit. | ||
| Oh, shit, son! | ||
| What a wild weekend that will be. | ||
| This podcast, ladies and gentlemen, is brought to you by Ting. | ||
| Ting, one of our newest sponsors. | ||
| And what Ting is, ladies and gentlemen, is a fair and ethical mobile company. | ||
| What do I mean by that? | ||
| They don't have all the goofy fucking laws or rules, rather, set in place by a lot of these cell phone companies, especially the one... | ||
| That really bites my ass. | ||
| And that's the one where you have to pay money if you want to cancel your contract. | ||
| That shit to me is ridiculous. | ||
| That's like going to the supermarket and saying, I want to buy milk. | ||
| And them saying, well, if you want milk, you got to pay for your milk every day. | ||
| And when you no longer want to pay milk... | ||
| For milk, we have to get some extra money from you. | ||
| That's how I look at it. | ||
| I don't look at cell phone services or any other kind. | ||
| It's a good. | ||
| You're selling goods just like you're selling milk to me. | ||
| Maybe my logic is faulty. | ||
| Look, if you were smart, don't get me wrong, and you were sitting here and you wanted to argue that point with me, you'd probably win. | ||
| But my point is, it doesn't make any sense. | ||
| I know why they do it. | ||
| The reason why they do it is kind of tricky. | ||
| When you buy a cell phone from Verizon and it says $300, The phone costs more than $300. | ||
| So they sort of tack that money onto your bill. | ||
| And then if you try to cancel early, then you have to make up the difference and pay for what the phone really would have been. | ||
| A phone's like a good iPhone or something. | ||
| It's really fucking expensive. | ||
| It's like $600 to $700. | ||
| Ting doesn't have that set up. | ||
| The way Ting works is you want to cancel, just fucking cancel. | ||
| If you don't use all your minutes, like say if you have a higher plan with more minutes and you don't use it, they automatically bump you down to the next plan and your next bill and save you money. | ||
| Like, it is a very, very fair and ethical company. | ||
| And they work off this Sprint backbone. | ||
| So they have excellent cell phone service. | ||
| Joey Diaz has Sprint. | ||
| He's had Sprint for years. | ||
| If you try to take Sprint away from Joey Diaz who will fucking stab you, Give it back to me, cocksucker. | ||
| Fucking sprint cocksucker. | ||
| My shit never goes out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I make calls from the fucking plane in the air. | |
| He got a phone call in the air once. | ||
| I don't know how he did it, but we were sitting there in his fucking phone. | ||
| Joey never turns his phone off. | ||
| You know how they say turn your phone off on a plane? | ||
| He's never turned it off once. | ||
| He doesn't do it. | ||
| I always try to turn it on about 20 minutes before you land and see if I can get service. | ||
| A lot of times you can. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of times planes crash and people die. | ||
| You fucking techno weirdo. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com. | ||
| They will give you $50 off of your first Ting device. | ||
| And the devices are all top of the line. | ||
| They have a bunch of sick fucking Android phones, including the one that I have, the Samsung Galaxy 3, which I love. | ||
| And I have raved about this phone. | ||
| It is very hard to go back to an iPhone after you see that big, giant, luscious Samsung Galaxy S3 screen. | ||
| And by the way, they just outsold iPhones for the first time ever. | ||
| So the Galaxy S3 right now is the number one selling cell phone in America. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Yeah, because the Chinese can't make the iPhone 5s quick enough. | ||
| They're rioting. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, I know it is. | ||
| That's the truth. | ||
| I would tell the truth, man. | ||
| Look, Samsung did get that official lead, though. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's like when James Irvin blew out his knee. | ||
| It's because they use American workers, right, Joe? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| I don't know if there's an ethical cell phone to buy, folks. | ||
| There's certain shit in this day and age you're going to have to ignore. | ||
| Unless you get a cell phone made in Montana out of fucking deer antlers and old scrap. | ||
| I don't think they fucking sell. | ||
| Joe, should I just pay for one of these Ting phones? | ||
| Should I just not wait for these guys? | ||
| Because they're obviously not listening to us. | ||
| Maybe they're down with the Wikipedia people. | ||
| Wikipedia people do not want to recognize Brian Redband as an official celebrity. | ||
| And I say that's bullshit. | ||
| Because they recognize a lot of people that are less famous than you. | ||
| Porn stars! | ||
| Every single porn star is in there. | ||
| There's something about... | ||
| They are not accepting this medium. | ||
| And this is a... | ||
| You fuckheads better come correct. | ||
| This is a legitimate medium, this internet. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| I was in the newspaper. | ||
| You was in the newspaper. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| It looks like Doug's... | ||
| Doug Benson to me. | ||
| But, you know, whatever, buddy. | ||
| I'm sure they printed your name. | ||
| Can I say something? | ||
| He looks like a missing child. | ||
| Have you seen this boy? | ||
| Oh, help me. | ||
| Benson, he went down to Tijuana to buy Valiums and we never saw him again. | ||
| Anyway, go to rogan.ting.com. | ||
| That's our sponsor. | ||
| Onnit.com is one of our other sponsors. | ||
| Onnit's got a bunch of new shit in, folks. | ||
| We finally got that. | ||
| We're selling that video that I used to talk about even back in the day before Onnit, the Extreme Kettlebell Cardio Workout. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We started selling that. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| We also started selling Blendtec blenders, which I just started using a couple of weeks ago. | ||
| I used to use a Vitamix, which is badass. | ||
| It's a very good blender. | ||
| But the Blendtec is even better. | ||
| It's incredible how much it just liquefies everything. | ||
| It's the most amazing blender that I've ever used. | ||
| We were selling it and giving away free hemp force protein powders, but Blendtec won't let us do that anymore. | ||
| It's like a violation of the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because we sell it really cheap anyway, yeah. | ||
| We sell it for $200 less, more than $200 less than the manufacturer suggested retail price. | ||
| Oh, so they're like, you can't sell that because then the competitors don't have... | ||
| Yeah, they don't have that advantage of getting the free hemp force. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| We give away a free hemp force. | ||
| You know what you should do? | ||
| You should have a coupon code that just, if you happen to buy a blender, you can put this coupon code in and it adds it for you. | ||
| So you're not selling it with it. | ||
| Yeah, I still think that's... | ||
| There's loopholes. | ||
| We sell it as long... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| Look at you, Woody, a marketing genius? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's loopholes. | ||
| He's going to get us sued this fuck. | ||
| He doesn't even care. | ||
| Hemp Force is another product of Onnit, and I had some this morning. | ||
| It's the most delicious protein powder on earth. | ||
| It's made out of the... | ||
| Everything at Onnit is... | ||
| Onnit is essentially a supplement company, a health, nutrition, fitness company. | ||
| Everything we sell is literally the best shit we can find. | ||
| We said, what is the best blender? | ||
| They said, Blendtec. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| We got a Blendtec. | ||
| I didn't even have one when we did that deal. | ||
| We did it because of these videos where you see a Blendtec blender blend a fucking iPhone into powder. | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| Because they're amazing. | ||
| Because they just want to show you how wicked... | ||
| Maybe it was like an old phone. | ||
| My phone is dying, man. | ||
| Yeah, my new one's supposed to be on the way. | ||
| A five? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| About time. | ||
| I got a five. | ||
| About time. | ||
| It's the Samsung Galaxy S3, son. | ||
| I wouldn't know about that. | ||
| Ting does not listen to the commercials. | ||
| Ting, what the fuck, Ting? | ||
| You're paying for these commercials. | ||
| Get Brian Redman a cell phone. | ||
| Ting's butt smells. | ||
| New Mood is another product of Onnit.com that's a fascinating product. | ||
| It's a 5-HTP and L-tryptophan product. | ||
| By calling it New Mood, it's really a legit name for it because it actually does change your mood. | ||
| It boosts your brain's output of serotonin. | ||
| It has two factors. | ||
| The way it's explained to me with my feeble, non-scientific mind is that one is 5-HTP, which converts to serotonin. | ||
| And there's also L-tryptophan, which converts to 5-HTP, which converts to serotonin. | ||
| So it gives you a time-released effect, as it's been explained to me. | ||
| But what I do know is the stuff really works. | ||
| It's great right before bed. | ||
| It makes you feel better. | ||
| Your brain is concocted of a bunch of different shit. | ||
| And we know that there's certain chemicals, especially when you're dealing with vitamins and supplements. | ||
| You're not dealing with anything dangerous. | ||
| There's no drugs. | ||
| There's not an SSRI. But it has a very similar effect. | ||
| In fact, a lot of people who are taking antidepressants, which essentially raise your brain's output of serotonin, the doctors tell you not to take 5-HTP as well. | ||
| They tell you that it's too much of it. | ||
| You'll literally develop too much serotonin. | ||
| What that says to me, I'm not a doctor, but it says to me is that you should be... | ||
| I have to tell you I'm not a doctor. | ||
| I think that's a Dom Herrera joke. | ||
| Dom, I didn't steal your joke, Dom. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| I think it's telling you that you can get there with nutrition as well. | ||
| And I think with nutrition and exercise, there's a lot of people that feel like shit that would feel a lot better, David Tell. | ||
| I'm just saying! | ||
| I'm just saying! | ||
| What now? | ||
| Put away the cigarettes! | ||
| Get on it! | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGENT and save yourself 10% off the number one supplement for men or something like that. | ||
| This is my new t-shirt. | ||
| This is the Gas Mask Chimpanzee Higher Primate t-shirt. | ||
| You can't see it. | ||
| But now you know for the rest of the podcast. | ||
| Yeah, now you know for the rest of the podcast what the fuck I'm wearing. | ||
| But we have three new designs in at Higher Primate. | ||
| And there's also... | ||
| What are you laughing at, man? | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Am I allowed to talk or no? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can do whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Son, you're David Tell. | ||
| No, I was going to say, what's the difference between the serotonin and the malotonin? | ||
| Melatonin is what puts you to sleep. | ||
| Melatonin is what relaxes you and puts you to sleep. | ||
| Yeah, that's great before sleep, too. | ||
| Serotonin is what actually makes you feel happy. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, like dopamine, serotonin. | ||
| I'm taking the wrong one. | ||
| Now I get it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You have a little tip to your filter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is Hunter S. Thompson for 2012. You want to shoot Lugers out in the parking lot? | |
| I would love to. | ||
| Is that for your teeth? | ||
| Is that why you do it? | ||
| I do for my teeth, and I'm also trying to stop smoking, so I figure the further I get away from the cigarette, the more I will. | ||
| You need to get a real legit 100x Thompson one. | ||
| I need someone to smoke it for me, and I just do the second hand. | ||
| But yeah, you guys are very fucking observant. | ||
| Yeah, we're on top of the ball. | ||
| That's not the way you're supposed to say it. | ||
| We're on the ball. | ||
| We say we're on top of the ball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're on top of the ball. | |
| Pumping it. | ||
| Fucking show, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| It doesn't start until I hear music. | ||
| It doesn't officially start until Brian cues the track. | ||
| And then, then we move. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Showing my day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | |
| All day. | ||
| Powerful Dave Attell. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| My brother. | ||
| Welcome back. | ||
| Thanks for having me, Joe, man. | ||
| Dude, please. | ||
| This is a pleasure. | ||
| Every time I come to LA, I'm always hoping, like, can I hang with Joe? | ||
| And we're doing it. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you for doing it, man. | ||
| You know, it's one of the coolest things about being a professional comedian is you get to hang out with other professional comedians. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, I talked to Stanhope once, and he was drunk, of course. | ||
| That's Doug. | ||
| That's our Dougie. | ||
| He just got back from the road, and he was like, you know what, man? | ||
| He goes, I could quit stand-up, but I couldn't quit hanging out with stand-ups. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| That's how I feel too, man. | ||
| I mean, we're so lucky that we have... | ||
| I couldn't imagine if I had to deal with like... | ||
| If I had just worked with a bunch of people who weren't funny and hung out with only a bunch of people who weren't funny. | ||
| Oh, with drag. | ||
| You'd be such a drag. | ||
| Is there anything worse than non-funny people? | ||
| Well, I just know that every time I talk to Doug, who we both think is amazing, he's... | ||
| Half in the bag and he's at an airport bar. | ||
| He's like the last airport bar drunk I know in America. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't play. | ||
| But people who aren't funny, don't get offended. | ||
| I don't mean if you're not funny and you try to be funny. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| There's nothing worse than that. | ||
| If you're not funny, you just gotta accept that shit. | ||
| Although, that's bullshit, really, because how the fuck do you ever become funny? | ||
| I mean, everyone was not funny at one time. | ||
| Yeah, well, I think it's harder. | ||
| It's harder because of the phones. | ||
| Everybody's on their phone all the time. | ||
| So it's like, Very little connection. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Everybody's like looking at stuff. | ||
| You think it's harder to be funny today than it was back in the day? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think that like for me personally, my funny stemmed from a lot of awkward situations where I was like, how the fuck am I going to get out of this? | ||
| And then like I said something and they laughed and then I fucking bolted. | ||
| So I don't know about you, but that really helped me in my earlier years of like, hey, it's good to have a sense of humor, you know? | ||
| And then as you become a comic, then you realize there's other guys like that, you know? | ||
| And then like, you know, we kind of all gelled together. | ||
| And we also have like a Perspective on things that a lot of other people don't like a lot of people are looking for like happiness and fulfillment and closure Yeah I think as a comic you kind of like roll with the way things are and just see the humor in it you know? | ||
| Yeah I also at this point I feel like I have this massive obligation to continue to put out You know, when you have fans and you really appreciate them and they tell you, oh my god, we have the best time. | ||
| We love you. | ||
| You know, Keith, don't ever stop doing this. | ||
| Like, wow. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I can't stop. | ||
| I gotta work harder because of it. | ||
| I mean, I used to not believe that when people used to say that, you know, that they do it for their fans. | ||
| But you really have to. | ||
| That's the only way you can do it. | ||
| You gotta do it for them. | ||
| Well, how cool is it when a guy comes up to you and says, like, dude, I love this joke or like you know you didn't do that joke that I love and like it's like joke that you like and you're like oh man there is a reason to do this yeah somebody somebody's listening you know I like that do you still love stand up the art form do you still like watching it well you know we I think we went to this last time it's like I don't consider myself an artist I mean I consider pretty much everybody else I know an artist to some degree but I have very few tools in my toolbox and one of them is midget and dick jokes and I That tool | ||
| has really been used a lot. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I feel like I'm more tricky than I am funny. | ||
| I do take a lot of chances, but I don't really... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I feel like after doing it 26 years that I should... | ||
| Have it more together than I do, and I don't, you know? | ||
| You know, Stanhope used you as an example in saying why... | ||
| What not to do. | ||
| Someone was teaching a comedy class, and he was talking about how confidence is, like, one of the most important things. | ||
| You have to know you're funny. | ||
| And then he used you as an example. | ||
| He said, that is the dumbest fucking example ever. | ||
| It's not true. | ||
| There's no, like, hard, fast rules, because look at a towel. | ||
| You know, he's brilliant and never believes it. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| You don't believe it, but you're one of my favorite comedians. | ||
| Well, I really come at it from the point of like, I work really off of negativity. | ||
| So I think that that's kind of like my zone. | ||
| That's sort of like my power, my, you know, Iron Man fucking thing in my chest. | ||
| So you have to hate even your own act in order for it to work. | ||
| Oh, there's so much hate. | ||
| I have to fly in a day early to pick up all the hate that I know I have. | ||
| What does that come from? | ||
| What does it all come from? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, it's like, you know, first of all, like, you know, it's kind of a great I don't know how you roll with a very cool crowd of excellent fans. | ||
| Really, you call your own shots, and I just look up to you, man. | ||
| I mean, I'd bow to you, but I'd probably end up blowing you. | ||
| Well, that's ridiculous. | ||
| Too early in the podcast. | ||
| You're one of my favorite comedians. | ||
| There's only a few guys that I will go out of my way to see, and you're certainly one of them. | ||
| Oh, thanks, man. | ||
| But one of the things that we do different than anybody else is that we go on the road with each other. | ||
| If we go on the road, it's Brian, it's me, it's Ari, it's Duncan, it's Joey. | ||
| It's a family. | ||
| It's essentially a family. | ||
| So if we go to eat, we go to eat a fucking thousand times a year. | ||
| It's normal. | ||
| Yeah, that's great. | ||
| Mostly all Fogo to Chow. | ||
| Yeah, we've eaten at Fogo de Chao's in almost every city in the country. | ||
| You know those Brazilian steakhouses? | ||
| Have you ever eaten at Fogo de Chao? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I've never. | |
| Hit me to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| Oh, it's the most amazing creation of culinary excellence. | ||
| They give you like a little puck, like a hockey puck looking thing. | ||
| Of meat. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| This is a chip. | ||
| It's like a coaster. | ||
| Yeah, a coaster, yeah. | ||
| And it's green on one side and red on the other side. | ||
| And when it's green, they keep coming with the meat. | ||
| Oh, I've been to one of those, but in Brazil. | ||
| Oh, in Brazil, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's called a chuhascaria. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Chuhascaria. | ||
| They come with just fucking skewers of meat that's cooked over open flames. | ||
| I didn't know you were a meat guy. | ||
| I thought you were very organic and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| Well, I eat mostly grass-fed meat. | ||
| My goal is to ultimately eat grass-fed meat and game. | ||
| I want to eat wild game. | ||
| Game, really? | ||
| What would be your ultimate animal to eat? | ||
| Of all the animals that ever lived. | ||
| Deer are delicious. | ||
| No, but of all the ones that ever lived. | ||
| Oh, like if I can go back in time. | ||
| Yeah, like a dinosaur. | ||
| Yeah, I would like to have a dinosaur steak. | ||
| Could you imagine what a T-Rex steak would be like? | ||
| Like T-Rex tenderloins? | ||
| Tadactyl wings? | ||
| Well, you can eat alligators. | ||
| I mean, people eat alligators on a regular basis. | ||
| The swamp people. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They eat it all the time for breakfast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've had it. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| They say it tastes like chicken. | ||
| It definitely... | ||
| It doesn't taste like chicken. | ||
| No, it tastes like alligators. | ||
| That's what alligators taste like. | ||
| It tastes like evil, swampy... | ||
| It's an evil fucking... | ||
| It's a dinosaur. | ||
| It's a dinosaur, isn't it? | ||
| Angry monster. | ||
| Yeah, it's like the panda of the dinosaurs. | ||
| They're 200 million years old in that shape. | ||
| They haven't changed. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So they existed more than 130 years before the big asteroid hit that killed all the dinosaurs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They had already been around 130 million years in this form. | |
| So we see them wandering around. | ||
| They're like the rats of the water world. | ||
| The lizard world. | ||
| Yeah, they'll eat anything, right? | ||
| They're monsters. | ||
| What's even scarier than them is that they've got pythons in Florida going through the alligator areas now. | ||
| Feral, wild. | ||
| And now the pythons have started eating alligators. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I'd love to see that. | ||
| Now, that would be an ultimate fight. | ||
| He's got to pull up the python eating the alligator. | ||
| We've talked about this in the podcast before because it's just the most crazy thing ever. | ||
| These snakes have no natural predators. | ||
| I would have bet on the alligator. | ||
| I would have thought so, too. | ||
| I thought no matter how big the fucking snake is, it's not going to eat an alligator. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, exactly. | ||
| A snake is like all just fucking nothing. | ||
| No bones, no nothing. | ||
| But snakes are so gangster. | ||
| Snakes do not give a fuck. | ||
| And the python, he's not poisonous. | ||
| He's just a wrapper. | ||
| He wraps around you. | ||
| Yeah, he crushes you and bites you. | ||
| That's the point of the rapper. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| That's a 20-foot python with the alligator coming out of its body. | ||
| Oh, my God! | ||
| The tail burst through the body, and the thing died. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Look at the size of that thing. | ||
| That thing is fucking enormous. | ||
| I mean, it's really hard to imagine how big that must be in real life. | ||
| If you were out there on that water, it's wide around like a man's waist. | ||
| It's fucking huge! | ||
| That would be the ultimate Christmas card to send to somebody you hate. | ||
| Thinking of you. | ||
| May your alligator get eaten by a python. | ||
| Your agent. | ||
| Your agent. | ||
| We have this weird thing about keeping those fucks alive, too. | ||
| There's these people in Florida right now that are working really hard to bring back the crocodile, the American crocodile. | ||
| Well, isn't that the alligator? | ||
| No, crocodile's a different species. | ||
| It's more aggressive. | ||
| They have a longer, pointier snout, and they're more aggressive and explosive. | ||
| And one of them just ate a dog in the Keys, in the Florida Keys. | ||
| That is the worst. | ||
| Pulled a dog off a dock. | ||
| Losing a dog to a croc, that's going to be the worst. | ||
| Yeah, a monster! | ||
| But in Australia, that's going to happen like every three minutes or something. | ||
| Well, they have scarier crocs. | ||
| They have the big crocs. | ||
| American crocs are not that big. | ||
| What isn't scary in Australia? | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| I mean, really, honestly. | ||
| You go in the ocean, there's the Great White, you're hanging out, there's an alligator. | ||
| Then there's the dogs, the dingoes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, it just stinks. | ||
| Yeah, Australia. | ||
| And you can only live in a certain part of it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The whole middle kind of sucks. | ||
| The whole middle's death. | ||
| It's just fucking the bush. | ||
| It's just death. | ||
| What a great place to disappear. | ||
| There's got to be like no cell phone service there. | ||
| Yeah, if you wanted, if you were like some dude who could survive and you were down with trying to live in the woods, you could escape to Australia and they wouldn't even go looking for you. | ||
| They'd be like... | ||
| Well, Joe, man, I was in New York during the... | ||
| Hurricane Sandy and we were talking this a little bit before the show but like you got a doomsday prep. | ||
| I mean like unfortunately I prepped for the wrong doomsday. | ||
| Which one did you prep for? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Invasion of Clowns. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Like I prepped for a good one. | ||
| A good one but annoying like clowns would be everywhere and we have to fight them off with like water guns and stuff like that. | ||
| Clown them rappers. | ||
| Yeah exactly. | ||
| And this was like just fucking it was like apocalyptic. | ||
| It really was. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I mean, no power. | ||
| Did you expect it to be like that, or was it way crazier than you expected? | ||
| You know, the thing about New York, though, is since 9-11, our first responders are top-notch. | ||
| They really step up. | ||
| They know what to do. | ||
| They got plans and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| But nobody, I guess, expected New York City tsunami wave hitting us, knocking out power for two weeks. | ||
| And then there's Staten Island and Jersey, where they got it even harder. | ||
| But You take the power out of New York City and you got Somalia, basically. | ||
| It's just a freaky, weird, scary town. | ||
| Yeah, it's really strange when you see how easy the film that covers... | ||
| Civilization can be removed and people are savage. | ||
| It just becomes survival. | ||
| You really have to worry about survival because the first responders are excellent, don't get me wrong, but they're overwhelmed. | ||
| The sheer number is impossible to deal with. | ||
| There was parts of the city where I was just walking around and it was just dark. | ||
| And, like, guys would roll up on you like you can't see them. | ||
| And I'm pretty good, like, knowing what's happening. | ||
| And guys would roll up on me and I'm like, whoa, this is like a Chuck Norris. | ||
| You know that scene in every Chuck Norris movie where he's, like, in the factory? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And it's like, you know, a box knocks over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like that kind of thing. | ||
| Like, just... | ||
| Weird, scary faces and just sounds. | ||
| Yeah, what is it like to walk around a street at night with no lights on at all? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Say it. | |
| Gun. | ||
| No gun. | ||
| No gun? | ||
| I was like, fuck, what am I going to find him with? | ||
| Sarcasm? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| So you were walking to where you had to go, to and fro in your neighborhood, and there was no lights on for days. | ||
| No lights. | ||
| Where I lived, there was lights. | ||
| But we did shows at the Kamisola, which is in the village. | ||
| They had no lights up until almost the last day. | ||
| And we were doing shows to Generators, which is kind of cool in a way, but bad, because it went out when I was on. | ||
| But it went out, and all these flashlights and candles started popping out of the crowd. | ||
| It was like that scene in Requiem for a Dream. | ||
| You know that scene where they're like, ass to ass, the flashlights on the check, and all that kind of stuff? | ||
| So it was really a freaky show, but it was a good show. | ||
| But when you're walking around the streets, you're like, okay, this is like, what can I fight whoever comes at me with a weapon? | ||
| And there's a lot of homeless... | ||
| People coming off of their meds, too. | ||
| So they have the extra evil in them. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Because they can't get their meds because there's no power. | ||
| It was like zombie style. | ||
| It was zombie. | ||
| It was Walking Dead kind of shit. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's scary as fuck. | ||
| Now, was there a lot of that? | ||
| Was there a lot of muggings? | ||
| I think there was. | ||
| There was some looting. | ||
| There was some whatever. | ||
| But it wasn't like Katrina. | ||
| Because I talked to guys who were in Katrina. | ||
| And everybody was like, this is our Katrina. | ||
| It's like, fuck no. | ||
| Katrina was like, The end of the earth. | ||
| That was the end of the world there. | ||
| That was like weeks and weeks and weeks, no help, you know, and no power, and it was hot and all that stuff. | ||
| In New York, it was a little bit better than that, that's for sure. | ||
| It's better than that, but it still lets you know what can go wrong in the biggest city in the world. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| When that happens, when the biggest city in the world gets essentially shut down for two weeks, that's a real eye-opener. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| And, you know, like people trying to get into the city, and they had to do, you know, like buses and All the trains were like, exactly. | ||
| Somebody should kayak through these tunnels just to do it, to say like I did it. | ||
| I didn't even think about what it must be like at night with no power. | ||
| I didn't even think about it. | ||
| It must have been so strange. | ||
| I would have stayed inside. | ||
| I would not have left. | ||
| It's kind of like, how do you see where you're going? | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| Unless it's a full moon, how do you see where you're going? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You know, the scariest thing I saw was when I was driving around, like I was in a cab, And cabs, by the way, were incredibly hard to get at that point. | ||
| But there was like a candle in a window of a project. | ||
| And I'm like, this is what it's going to look like after a nuclear winter. | ||
| Just like one holdout guy in a project somewhere like Charlton Heston in the Omega Man kind of thing. | ||
| And I was like, this is it. | ||
| This is what it looks like. | ||
| It freaked a lot of people out. | ||
| But then I think the gas thing freaked them out even more. | ||
| The fact they couldn't get gas for their generators and cars and shit. | ||
| They're online for like 12, 15 hours. | ||
| Yeah, I talked to a friend who said he was online. | ||
| It was 2.30 in the afternoon. | ||
| He had been there since 6 in the morning, and he still hasn't gotten gas yet. | ||
| Oh, easily, easily, yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| We never, we never, I don't think even the government, local, whatever, state thought like, there's going to be a gas problem, you know, and nobody was ready, so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You need that gas for the generators, too, so. | ||
| Jesus Christ, especially in the places... | ||
| Am I bringing everyone down? | ||
| But it was bad. | ||
| Did you get any material from it at all? | ||
| Oh yeah, I got tons. | ||
| I mean, the whole idea of basically doing shows... | ||
| In New York, the top of the line guys who pull the most pwn are the hedge fund guys, the club DJ, the male model who's bi or whatever... | ||
| But that week, it was all like renaissance fair skills, like candle maker, blacksmith, you know, any guy who could hook a bike up to a light, you know, he would get like, you know... | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| At least a reach around. | ||
| I watched that Yukon Man show. | ||
| Have you ever seen that show? | ||
| Those shows are important. | ||
| They have generators that work on water flow. | ||
| So they take a generator. | ||
| They set it up at their camp. | ||
| They have a fish camp. | ||
| And they put this generator. | ||
| They set it up. | ||
| And then they attach these tubes to it. | ||
| And they stick the tubes in the creek. | ||
| And the water coming down the creek goes through the tubes. | ||
| And by the time it focuses in this one area, it spins this thing around and starts a generator. | ||
| I want that. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| I watch it. | ||
| He pulls the cord and it's going on. | ||
| He's got electricity 100% from the creek spinning this generator. | ||
| So as long as this generator keeps working, he had his lights on and the whole thing. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That really is the one thing that you need is power. | ||
| It really is the one thing that separates us from animals. | ||
| Well, we've somehow or another just accepted that that's going to be around. | ||
| Even though it's only been here for 150 years or whatever the hell it's been, we're so used to it. | ||
| A million years of human beings and 150 years of power. | ||
| We're just like, that's how we do it. | ||
| We got power. | ||
| I could see myself going to my ex-girlfriend's house and just hanging out because she would have all the candles in the world and canned soup. | ||
| The amount of candles a girl has is directly proportionate to exactly how long she will cry after you have sex with her. | ||
| But yeah, girls were prepped a little bit harder than dudes. | ||
| Candles, Mentos, you know. | ||
| If there's like 30 candles, that bitch is going to cry for a while. | ||
| Lip balm is petroleum-based, you know, whatever. | ||
| Girl shit. | ||
| Yeah, they have a lot of different things to help you in survival situations. | ||
| And I'll tell you, you know who really did not step up for this crisis? | ||
| The dogs of New York City. | ||
| Because like, Every other person in New York has a dog, but it's all these faggoty-ass little dogs. | ||
| So they've been genetically built. | ||
| All the cool wolf qualities that would have helped were gone. | ||
| So they're like, what are we going to do? | ||
| Give me food. | ||
| Were you there when the snow hit afterwards? | ||
| No, I was already out of there. | ||
| But that was like a one-two punch of sadness. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| A blizzard. | ||
| And the really scary thing is that they're saying... | ||
| Who's the governor? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cuomo? | |
| Andrew Cuomo? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah, he's a good guy, though. | ||
| He seems like a good guy. | ||
| He said something really interesting. | ||
| He said, I don't want to use the term climate change. | ||
| I'm paraphrasing him because it's such a loaded topic. | ||
| He said, but his father had to deal with, in 12 years, he had to deal with two major storm events. | ||
| And he's like, I've been here for 12 months and I've had to deal with three. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So he's saying, it's very possible something's going on. | ||
| I think there's definitely something going on. | ||
| No, that's never happened in New York before. | ||
| Well, you know, a buddy of mine, I assume you know him too, Big Jay Oakerson? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| I know of him. | ||
| You know of him? | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| You probably haven't worked with him yet. | ||
| But really funny guy. | ||
| He's toured with me a couple times. | ||
| His house was wiped out. | ||
| He was like in the flood zone, zone A or whatever. | ||
| It really is weird when a flood comes at your house. | ||
| I'm lucky. | ||
| I lived up in skyscrapers. | ||
| But the scary part about that is if the power goes out, then you're kind of stuck. | ||
| Up there until whatever happens. | ||
| You're stuck up there until the water drains out. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's scary shit. | ||
| It's like a skeleton, basically, in a pile of porn. | ||
| I believe in the theory that it was a terrorist attack. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| And I think all the terrorists are now hot weather ladies with beards. | ||
| Neptune Lawton. | ||
| Well, your first part made sense. | ||
| The second part is just like your Hitler cat with the fucking dynamite strapped to his chest. | ||
| I don't know what you're trying to do there. | ||
| And a lot of people were just basically milling around a lot of fires on the street, like people making fires and cooking out on the street, which I think they should allow them to do. | ||
| Oh, hell yeah. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Keep a sense of social connectedness. | ||
| Yeah, well, it was bad. | ||
| Were there food shortages at supermarkets and shit? | ||
| Great question. | ||
| Yes, like the first night, everybody prepped in terms of like, You better buy milk and bread. | ||
| They always say that. | ||
| Milk and bread. | ||
| For all the, you know, whatchamacallit, French toast that we make. | ||
| And then, like, the next day, you know, you're like, okay, there'll be more. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| There was nothing left. | ||
| All the people from downtown who didn't have access to food came uptown like a horde. | ||
| And, like, no, whatchamacallit. | ||
| It was good that they did it because they had no food. | ||
| And they kind of swept through all the bodegas and stuff like that, so it was like wiped out. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That must have been strange. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, like you always assume in America there's going to be food, you know? | ||
| The other thing is the cell phone towers were down too. | ||
| So even if you had a cell phone, you couldn't call anybody. | ||
| My friend Tommy said he drove six hours to make a cell phone call. | ||
| He had to just drive around until he could find service. | ||
| But it was six hours before you... | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Coco had service though. | ||
| Did you see the video she was posting of her in the rain? | ||
| Who's Coco? | ||
| Ice-T's wife. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| She had special bling service. | ||
| She had cell phone service? | ||
| Yeah, she had cell phone service and she was just posting these awesome videos of her in the hurricane, like rain hitting her while she's wearing no clothes. | ||
| She's like, oh, it's so rainy outside. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's like a video. | ||
| A rap video. | ||
| A wet t-shirt exploration. | ||
| It was an entire wet t-shirt. | ||
| And like Jersey, you played Atlantic City many times, right? | ||
| I've only played it a couple times. | ||
| Okay, because that place without power is fucking scary. | ||
| Oh, Atlantic City is terrifying with power. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's a strange place. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Because that whole area around Atlantic City is dark. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a scary fucking depressed area. | ||
| The last thing you ever want to do is be a young black kid growing up in Camden. | ||
| That's a fucking bad part of the country right now. | ||
| But I have to say, I don't know, if the governor or whatever told you to evacuate, would you do it? | ||
| Well, it all depends on how much money you have. | ||
| That's part of the problem. | ||
| Some people can't evacuate. | ||
| There's nothing they can do. | ||
| They can't go anywhere, right? | ||
| We have to accept the fact that there's been a bunch of these massive events. | ||
| Is that Coco? | ||
| Yeah, look at this. | ||
| Look behind you, Joe. | ||
| It's Liver. | ||
| She's doing her own reporting. | ||
| That is the most ridiculous. | ||
| That really is ridiculous. | ||
| With these bags of water. | ||
| It's just like, look at my boobs, how wet they are. | ||
| That's her tropical storm outfit. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| She must be awesome to have conversations with. | ||
| Oh, dude, I love this girl. | ||
| No wonder why Ice-T is always playing video games. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| He plays video games and he's like, come over here with this body. | ||
| You love her body? | ||
| I love the fake butt. | ||
| When I was in Dayton, there was a girl with a fake butt. | ||
| Did you really like that? | ||
| I think it's the next boob for real. | ||
| This girl in Dayton, a stripper, had a fake butt and it was like the double D's of fake butts. | ||
| It was so amazing looking. | ||
| She looked like a cartoon character. | ||
| Does that affect the way they sent? | ||
| No, she sat... | ||
| Really well. | ||
| Can she dirt bike ride? | ||
| No, and she let me feel them, because I wanted to see if I could feel it like a fake boob. | ||
| It just felt like butt, because I guess there's so much fat back there. | ||
| There's a lot of fat to hide the implants behind. | ||
| So it felt like a fake butt, and each one looked like a triple-double-D boob, like a humongous boob. | ||
| You could put a drink on top of it. | ||
| Well, that's the latest thing in porno movies, right? | ||
| Do you see that a lot, is the fake butts now? | ||
| I forget what they call that, but yeah, the badonk, you know, make it the booty reboot, I guess you would call it. | ||
| But yeah. | ||
| Isn't it amazing that the shape of the ass has that much of an effect on us? | ||
| It's monkey jeans, dude. | ||
| It's more even than, like, than the personality. | ||
| Like, a girl with a nice personality and she turns around and her ass is just ridiculous. | ||
| Like, oh my god. | ||
| It's like the shape. | ||
| Do you like a big one or what do you like? | ||
| Oh yeah, I love it. | ||
| You like a big, yeah, a big boot. | ||
| I like a shapely... | ||
| Tone, round, juicy ass. | ||
| I mean, that's what it looked like. | ||
| But hers was a little bit bigger than that. | ||
| That might be real, bro. | ||
| No, this is called fake bloods. | ||
| That looks like it's pointing. | ||
| Oh, that's... | ||
| Okay, somebody photoshopped that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, when we were doing the porn show, you and me, Joe, you were one of our amazingly greatest guests. | ||
| We were kind of, I think, had a difference of opinion with this. | ||
| Dave's Old Porn is the show. | ||
| It's on Showtime, and it's Dave and his friends sitting around watching videos of old porn from the golden era. | ||
| And you were one of the ultimate, you were the Hawkeye of the Last of the Mohegans of porn, dude. | ||
| You know what you're doing. | ||
| I know too much. | ||
| You really knew it. | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| Taja Ray, you kept throwing that name out. | ||
| And I was like, holy shit. | ||
| I had to go through my porn head to find out. | ||
| I was like, excellent. | ||
| So thank you. | ||
| There were so many. | ||
| And your show's Thursday. | ||
| Your episode's Thursday. | ||
| Joe's episode. | ||
| Yeah, this week. | ||
| Joe and Ginger Lynn. | ||
| Showtime. | ||
| For some reason, Joe, you know her. | ||
| Well, she did my first CD. She did an introduction to this song that I wrote. | ||
| It was on my first CD. She's cool, man. | ||
| She's very nice. | ||
| She used to come around the comedy store all the time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, that's how I knew her. | ||
| Very nice person. | ||
| Her body, by the way, Ginger Lynn's body, I think is perfect. | ||
| Yeah, well, back in the day, you couldn't get much better. | ||
| She looked like she was athletic when she was younger, but she was just curvy, but not too big. | ||
| She had an amazing body. | ||
| She really did. | ||
| I mean, her rack is like, I guess you could say it's like a B or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, perfect though. | ||
| But it totally fits with her body and her face. | ||
| She's just like a little angel. | ||
| It was really... | ||
| That was a hard episode to edit, you know? | ||
| A lot of breaks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I was not jerking off to you, but I was semi-turgent while you were on the screen, but it was a lot of hard work there. | ||
| It's kind of a funny show because you have us and we're sitting on the couch and the couch will grow or shrink depending on where the genitals are in the scene. | ||
| So that's what it is. | ||
| The couch is covering the sex organs while they're doing it and then we're commenting on the video. | ||
| It was fun, dude. | ||
| I really enjoyed it. | ||
| You, of course, knowing porn so well, you brought up something that a lot of guys have problems with, which is the male star not being able to get wood. | ||
| You don't like that. | ||
| Well, she told us what it was about. | ||
| Ginger did. | ||
| She said they were all coked up. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of blows. | ||
| Which makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going to be embarrassing as fuck for the guy. | ||
| You know, somehow it all leads to Tony, whatchamacallit, Lance Armstrong. | ||
| Well, they should have never used the footage. | ||
| There's footage where this guy never gets a heart on. | ||
| He's banging her and his dick is half limp. | ||
| He's barely shoving it in. | ||
| He's pretending it's amazing. | ||
| That's a terrible piece of work you did there. | ||
| That's not sexy. | ||
| That doesn't get you excited. | ||
| It's like getting drunk before you go on stage. | ||
| It's like, can't you just wait? | ||
| An hour. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| It is a sad thing. | ||
| Well, it's a fun thing when a guy's drunk on stage and he's having a great time. | ||
| I've seen Kreischer hammered on stage, killing it. | ||
| I've seen videos of guys pull it off. | ||
| Ron White pulls it off. | ||
| But it's sad when you're drunk on stage and you're not doing well. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard. | ||
| But Ron is a good drinker. | ||
| Ron is one of my buddies and he is like, He's a classy drinker. | ||
| Yeah, he's a black belt. | ||
| Yeah, he's excellent at it. | ||
| He's a black belt in drinking. | ||
| But in the porn world, back especially in the 70s and 80s, like, you know, Blow back then was like considered, I don't know, you said Adderall. | ||
| It was kind of the Adderall of our, you know, of our time. | ||
| And people just did it. | ||
| You know, it was like fun and it kind of got them up. | ||
| And, you know, it's a sexy gig. | ||
| And so they, you know, maybe they overdid it. | ||
| But still, I mean, hey, you know, I'm sure that Blow was a lot better than the shit out there now. | ||
| You think so? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| You think they had like the real stuff back then? | ||
| Yeah, I think it was a lot purer, more like, you know, that was like the heyday of like, you know, just powder. | ||
| It's funny that they just accept the fact that it's going to be cut up. | ||
| It's like, it's so, coke is so, it's such a watered down drug. | ||
| Everybody accepts the fact that it's been cut up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just universal. | ||
| You can imagine, like, you ever watch those shows like, you know, the drug ink, like when they show the guys making it in Columbia? | ||
| You know? | ||
| And they just chew on the leaves. | ||
| Like, I wonder what that's like. | ||
| I've had that. | ||
| I've had that in a tea form. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| They take those leaves and just make a tea out of it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's very uppy. | ||
| It gives you like an up. | ||
| I didn't like it because what I didn't like about it is that I couldn't shut the fuck up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you imagine the podcast if you were on that? | |
| It would be brutal. | ||
| I was with Stanhope when I did it. | ||
| We did mushrooms. | ||
| It was the day of the Iraq War. | ||
| We were in the desert, tripping our balls off, and I was drinking this tea. | ||
| I drank the tea first, and the tea kicked in before the mushrooms even kicked in. | ||
| I was like, this tea is killing me. | ||
| How do you guys even... | ||
| He is amazing. | ||
| He's like the Timothy Leary of this shit. | ||
| How do you guys... | ||
| Tea? | ||
| How do you get that? | ||
| I got it from a buddy who had just gotten back from Peru. | ||
| Yeah, Peru is the place. | ||
| Yeah, Peru. | ||
| Inca tea. | ||
| They chew those leaves. | ||
| You know what's fascinating? | ||
| Coca-Cola is the number one importer for coca leaves in this country. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, they literally take the coca leaves, that's like one of the secret ingredients in Coca-Cola, that it used to have cocaine in it. | ||
| That's like one of the big things. | ||
| Well, it doesn't have cocaine in it anymore, but they still use the extract of the coca leaf. | ||
| And they have some deal with some medical manufacturing firm that takes the leaves and takes the cocaine out of them. | ||
| So Coca-Cola gets it. | ||
| They use it for the flavonoids or whatever the fuck they use that makes it taste a certain way. | ||
| And this company makes cocaine out of it. | ||
| I read this whole article describing how it's all done. | ||
| It's fucking bananas. | ||
| So they have like a special take the fun out of the machine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| What they're going to do with weed pretty soon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's right. | |
| Jewish people. | ||
| I was going to say that. | ||
| In Israel, they're doing that thing now where they're taking out all the fun of the weed. | ||
| Just for the medicinal. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Yeah, really. | ||
| It's like O'Doul's of weed or something. | ||
| Yeah, well, they're figuring out that there's different things that do different things inside of marijuana. | ||
| And one of them is CBDs, I guess. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Something else. | ||
| They're not exactly cannabinoids. | ||
| Or maybe it is a cannabinoid, but it's a non-psychoactive one. | ||
| But it helps different ailments. | ||
| Well, marijuana is very healthy to eat. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Hemp. | ||
| Yeah, not even hemp, like the actual plant itself, if you could juice it, if you juice hemp, it's really good for you. | ||
| If you were like, let's say like a doomsday prepping question here, if you were like in a place where there was only like pot plants to eat, you could eat them? | ||
| Oh yeah, you could eat them. | ||
| They're super nutritious. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| You can make like a salad out of them and it wouldn't get you high at all. | ||
| But it would be really healthy. | ||
| I guess you'd have to try it out though. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Because that would be kind of cool, like a little like pot cereal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We pour some soy milk on it or the cocoa. | ||
| What's the stuff that you guys are doing here? | ||
| Cocoa Cafe. | ||
| Cocoa Cafe. | ||
| This is some stuff that they sent me. | ||
| It's coconut juice or coconut water mixed with coffee. | ||
| Espresso. | ||
| That would be so cool for your kids. | ||
| You'd have to be the worst parent or the coolest parent. | ||
| It was like, kids, time for school. | ||
| Here's some of your pot. | ||
| Cocoa Coffee. | ||
| I think it's hard enough being a kid going to school high. | ||
| Oh my god, that's delicious, dude. | ||
| It's great, isn't it? | ||
| It's like chocolate milk. | ||
| Do you want one of these, man? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| They sent me a couple cases. | ||
| Can you just get these anywhere? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's called Coco Cafe. | ||
| Oh my god, it's like chocolate milk. | ||
| I like the packaging, too. | ||
| It's yummy. | ||
| It's excellent. | ||
| It's yummy. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| There's a lot of these coconut water combinations that really suck a dick. | ||
| Some of them are terrible. | ||
| Coconut water and vodka is pretty good. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| It's a good taste? | ||
| But a lot of these companies have shitty taste in coconut water. | ||
| You gotta get coconut water. | ||
| The reason why C2O's coconut water is the most delicious is it's a totally different coconut tree. | ||
| They get their coconuts from Thailand from one small place, one plantation. | ||
| The coconuts... | ||
| The trees are like a short tree. | ||
| It's only like five feet tall. | ||
| It's a totally different tree. | ||
| Like, you picture those big, tall coconut trees? | ||
| Those apparently taste like dog shit. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Like, that's... | ||
| Most people are getting their coconut water from those. | ||
| But the boutique places like C2O, like C2O, they're really cool and they send us free shit, too. | ||
| And they have the most delicious coconut water. | ||
| It's like very sweet. | ||
| I like it, man. | ||
| It tastes good. | ||
| But ultimately, you can't fuck with fresh coconut water. | ||
| You ever get it, like, right from a coconut? | ||
| Every time I go to a Thai restaurant. | ||
| If you go to a Thai restaurant, or even some Chinese, or whatever, but they all have fresh coconuts. | ||
| And I never knew this, and they just split the top off, and it's delicious. | ||
| And you take a spoon, and you eat the white shit. | ||
| What is that again, the white shit in there? | ||
| It's coconut meat. | ||
| It's coconut cum. | ||
| It's really super healthy for you, too. | ||
| Especially that water. | ||
| That water from a fresh coconut. | ||
| It feels so good after you've worked out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's delicious. | |
| To this day, Coca-Cola still imports cocoa leaves, which are used to manufacture cocaine in the United States. | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Hey, I'm for it, though. | ||
| I'm for all legalization of all drugs. | ||
| Colorado. | ||
| They just legalized the recreational pot. | ||
| In Washington. | ||
| In Washington. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| It's going to be interesting to see what the federal government decides to do about that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They step in and decide to start arresting people. | ||
| I think they should leave them the fuck alone. | ||
| That's what they should have done a long time ago. | ||
| Yeah, just let it happen. | ||
| The problem is it doesn't ever seem like anybody wants to relax. | ||
| In this country, yes. | ||
| Everybody's always trying to rest. | ||
| There's no relaxing of laws. | ||
| It's like an acceleration of laws. | ||
| Especially, the other problem is that the economy's down. | ||
| And when the economy's down, It's hard to tell people, you know, we're going to change laws and put people out of work who are law enforcement officers. | ||
| Because that's what would happen. | ||
| I mean, if you all of a sudden made marijuana completely legal and you didn't need DEA agents to chase after weed, you'd have a lot of fucking unemployed people. | ||
| There's a lot of people that... | ||
| There are a lot of arrests. | ||
| If you look at all the arrests, there's millions of arrests attributed every year that are marijuana-related. | ||
| And those all equal... | ||
| Law enforcement officers have to work, you know, the people at the jail. | ||
| There's like lawyers, court fees. | ||
| There's money to be made in keeping it illegal. | ||
| And so that's one of the hardest parts about making anything legal is the money behind it. | ||
| But how does it work? | ||
| Like you live in Colorado, okay? | ||
| So you want to buy some pot. | ||
| So what do you do? | ||
| You go to a store? | ||
| Is there a truck? | ||
| You flag it down like an ice cream truck? | ||
| Well, I think it's going to be, you're going to have a certain amount that you're allowed to have. | ||
| And right now, it's the only medical setup in the country where they allow the growers to make a profit. | ||
| In California, you're not supposed to make a profit. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So in California, when you see these big places, those are the ones that get shut down because they're making X amount of millions of dollars a year selling pot. | ||
| Well, you're not supposed to be doing that. | ||
| When you do do that, I think the only way to do it is you have to give all the money back to the community or you make it... | ||
| Make it so that all the money goes to charities or funds. | ||
| There's some sort of a workaround where you get a fair wage for working there and everyone, including the owner, would get a fair wage and then the money has to get distributed. | ||
| Colorado doesn't have it like that. | ||
| In Colorado you could just make money selling weed. | ||
| That's how it should be, man. | ||
| It's farming, man. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's fucking farming. | ||
| This idea that it's different because it's a drug. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| There's plenty of drugs available in this country. | ||
| To pretend this country is anti-drugs is one of the dumbest fucking things ever. | ||
| Everybody looks forward to doing drugs in this country. | ||
| They look forward to drinking. | ||
| They look forward to smoking. | ||
| They look forward to having a cup of coffee. | ||
| All of these are drugs. | ||
| Let the people be adults. | ||
| There's so much pain and suffering out there. | ||
| If this takes some of the edge off of that, let it happen. | ||
| You're not going to stop it by making things illegal. | ||
| You're just going to create an industry off of keeping it illegal. | ||
| The only way you get people to not do things is through education. | ||
| Whether it's their own personal education. | ||
| They have to watch people fuck up. | ||
| I've never done coke. | ||
| I've never done coke because I watched people when I was a kid who did coke and their life fell apart. | ||
| I saw it happen. | ||
| I was like, keep that shit away from me. | ||
| Plus, you're an athlete. | ||
| So, I mean, as an athlete, you can't do certain things. | ||
| Cooks are certainly a bad one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But a lot of athletes do it, man. | ||
| Yeah, like in the 70s, a lot of the sports guys, especially baseball, hockey, those kind of... | ||
| They were racked out on that shit, so... | ||
| I'm too impulsive. | ||
| I don't trust myself. | ||
| If I really enjoyed it, yeah, I don't trust myself. | ||
| I don't want to have anything in my system that's addictive like that. | ||
| Because it seems like cocaine is very physically addictive. | ||
| Yes, yeah. | ||
| Heroin, very physically addictive, right? | ||
| Heroin, yeah. | ||
| I don't know about that one. | ||
| That one I could see being... | ||
| If people have a heroin addiction, they should have the needle exchange and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| But yeah, nobody should promote heroin. | ||
| I mean, you can't bake it into a cookie. | ||
| There's no fun to it. | ||
| Unless you're a musician. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Then it should be a law. | ||
| You should at least try it. | ||
| Can you imagine if every musician had to do heroin? | ||
| Like some of that bubblegum shit out there, it would have a whole different take on it, you know? | ||
| Yeah, no kidding. | ||
| Nothing shook up the music world more than heroin. | ||
| And marijuana. | ||
| Yeah, I guess you're right about that. | ||
| Marijuana shook it up a lot too, but... | ||
| There was... | ||
| The bands who did heroin had very specific sort of... | ||
| They had like an intensity and an emotion and an honesty to their stuff that the bubblegum people... | ||
| You know, it's weird if you go back and listen to like Buddy Holly or something like that. | ||
| Great music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But listen to like what that guy was doing. | ||
| And then, you know, listen to Nuvrana. | ||
| Listen to... | ||
| You know, listen to the heroin people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What about Frank Zappa? | |
| Frank Zappa. | ||
| Alice in Chains. | ||
| That guy was on every... | ||
| I think Frank Zappa was like almost the, you know... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like a one-stop shopping kind of drugs. | ||
| But he was on cool drugs too, like Ecstasy and I guess LSD, stuff like that. | ||
| His tapes were the best. | ||
| I don't really know, so I don't want to say. | ||
| When I was 15, I would listen to Zappa tapes in the church parking lot. | ||
| First time smoking weed and you're just listening to his crazy shit. | ||
| It was like virtual acid trips. | ||
| That guy is an artist. | ||
| That guy was... | ||
| Really, there's no one like that guy. | ||
| Yeah, he was very unusual. | ||
| I got introduced to him when I was probably like 10 years old. | ||
| My friend's dad was into him. | ||
| Wow, what a cool dad. | ||
| Yeah, Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention. | ||
| The guy, I remember the dude drove a Saab. | ||
| It was like 1970, dude had a Saab. | ||
| I was like, what is that thing? | ||
| That's the crazy ass car and he was into Frank Zappa. | ||
| He's just a cool ass dad. | ||
| Well, that's the whole thing about like this whole now, like with rich people, you know, it's like, You know, how much money do the rich people need? | ||
| I guess now, like, the ultimate perk is a private jet, but back then it would have been, like, a car, you know? | ||
| You have a butler. | ||
| You get obsessive, I think. | ||
| You look at some of these hedge fund guys, where they were talking about, there was one guy whose wife got some of the bailout money, because the bailout money, a lot of it was in the form of loans, and this guy was worth, who knows how many hundreds of millions of dollars, but they showed his house, They like zoomed in on his house in the Hamptons and it's just fucking insanity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huge, right? | |
| It's just craziness. | ||
| This guy, I mean, you can't even call it a compound. | ||
| It was a castle. | ||
| He had a castle. | ||
| He has a castle in the Hamptons. | ||
| See, I don't even like that when I go to a hotel. | ||
| Like, if it's too fancy, you know, like, whatever they, you know. | ||
| Four Seasons or something. | ||
| Yeah, like, I don't do any, I don't rate any of that. | ||
| It's not in my ride or anything. | ||
| I like a hotel where I can do my laundry. | ||
| That's what, that's like the ultimate perk for me. | ||
| It's like, If I can do my shitty laundry because I'm on the road so long, then I feel good. | ||
| But there's some hotels where, like, everybody's like, oh, yeah, this is, you know, get a massage and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| I'm not into that. | ||
| Courtyard Marriott's. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They always have. | ||
| It's like a little house. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| A little home away from home. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Courtyard Marriott's a good spot. | ||
| It's a good middle ground. | ||
| Like, when I tour with Norton and Artie Lang, you know, we're on the Antisocial Tour. | ||
| You know, those guys, I think, they like it a little, like, more... | ||
| I think they like it better when it's like that. | ||
| I just don't like it, you know? | ||
| But, uh... | ||
| We usually all stay at the same place and that's a fun tour because you know those guys. | ||
| Yeah, great guys. | ||
| We're all so old now and we've all been through the ringer to some degree and Norton is just incredibly fearlessly funny and Artie is naturally probably one of the best comics I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| It's just fun to hang with these guys because now we're at that age where it's just fun to be around guys that you know and you can just fucking have fun. | ||
| Just enjoy it. | ||
| Yeah, and we play these casinos and like, you know, It's like our biggest thing. | ||
| It's like, where are we going to eat? | ||
| Let's eat. | ||
| That's the big fun of the night. | ||
| It's so fun going on tour with friends. | ||
| It really makes the whole experience way better. | ||
| I just did San Francisco and Seattle last weekend with Fitzsimmons. | ||
| Oh, he's one of my best friends in comedy. | ||
| Love that guy. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| We had such a good time, man. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| He is one of the most underrated comics because his comedy is so... | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's so dry and funny and well thought out. | ||
| I know this turns into a big stroke fest about comedy, but if you're anywhere where Greg is touring, go see him because he really is a great comic. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| Yeah, he killed it. | ||
| He killed it in San Francisco and Seattle. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| He was really, really fucking funny. | ||
| It's that attack style Boston comedy too. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| We started out together. | ||
| We're like a week apart from each other. | ||
| Boston is like turning out to be... | ||
| The generation of the Boston comics. | ||
| You, Greg, Louie, of course, Nick DiPaolo. | ||
| These are the guys. | ||
| There was a lot back then, man. | ||
| It was a very unusual time as far as the development of stand-up. | ||
| You had one area. | ||
| Where you had so many clubs and so many comics in this one town. | ||
| It always amazed me. | ||
| I would go to Pittsburgh or Philly, and I'd be like, where's the scene? | ||
| Where do you guys go? | ||
| Do you got a Knicks Comedy Stop? | ||
| Do you got a Stitches? | ||
| They didn't have anything. | ||
| We had so many places to go. | ||
| Open mic night was a Sunday night. | ||
| I knew that if I went to open mic night, I would see Teddy Bergeron. | ||
| I would see Tony V. Tony V. Yeah, all those guys. | ||
| They'd be working out. | ||
| They'd be hanging out. | ||
| They would go up and do sets. | ||
| You would see them. | ||
| They would do sets on Sundays and Monday nights. | ||
| They would go up at the end of the show and perform. | ||
| I mean, it was like a real community of stand-up comedy. | ||
| But it's not like that even there anymore. | ||
| It died. | ||
| Yeah, I was just at the theater in Boston. | ||
| And, you know, if you want to run around and do other sets, there's really not many places at all. | ||
| And if you're starting out there, I can only imagine how you do it. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| I think that they overdid it because every other place, like, you know, there's the Hukilao and the, you know, the place in Chicopee, like Chinese restaurants, we're doing shows, that, like, the crowds just, I guess, got babied or, like, you know, spoiled. | ||
| And they're like, there's plenty of comedy out here. | ||
| I don't have to go see it. | ||
| And there were a lot of, like, you know, for every good comic, there was, like, three or four hacks, you know? | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| I guess after a while, like, you know, they always say the cream rises to the top, but, you know... | ||
| It's a pretty big rise. | ||
| There's a lot of guys who are just ecking by with their clapper joke. | ||
| You know what's interesting though? | ||
| In the beginning, there were less bad guys and more good guys. | ||
| If you go back to the Jimmy Tingle era, Jimmy Tingle, Barry Crimmins, Tony V, Lenny Clark, that era, they're all killers. | ||
| There was more great comics back then than there were mediocre guys. | ||
| When I started out, I started out in 88, and I got to see some of the best comics ever, like the local guys. | ||
| I got to see them all the time. | ||
| There was so much good comedy in that one place. | ||
| I would say it was one of the rare instances where there was more good comedy than there was bad comedy. | ||
| The thing that always got me about the Boston guys compared to the New York guys, I hope I didn't say this the last time I was on your show, but they came to New York, you guys all eventually came to New York, And you guys were ready to headline almost immediately. | ||
| Whereas the New York guys, we were years away from headlining. | ||
| We were just trying to work the weekends. | ||
| It was a slower process because there was just too much, I guess, open mic, too many comics and not enough stage time. | ||
| So you really had to fight for the stage time. | ||
| But you guys definitely knew who you were. | ||
| You had an act. | ||
| You had a perspective. | ||
| And then you definitely came to the scene and it made it way better. | ||
| It made it way better. | ||
| Well, you know what it was is that Boston guys had a chance to work long sets. | ||
| We would work for like the Comedy Connection had a bunch of gigs and Barry Katz had a bunch of gigs. | ||
| All these different people had gigs and they were all over the place and you would do 45 minutes. | ||
| You can do an hour here, half hour here, 45 minutes here. | ||
| So we weren't just doing the short sets in town. | ||
| When I went to New York and I saw that everybody would take a cab, And go from one crowd to another crowd, doing seven minutes here and seven minutes there. | ||
| I was like, that's crazy. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| That's how we lived for years. | ||
| So even when I lived in New York, I did almost all my sets on the road. | ||
| I did all my sets in Connecticut. | ||
| I was like, I can go to do a John Shuler gig in Connecticut and make $150. | ||
| Or I could go do a set in the city and make like $10 or something like that. | ||
| What did Dangerfields pay the most? | ||
| They paid like $50 or something, right? | ||
| Well, like Governors, which is on Long Island, that's kind of where I kind of started out. | ||
| I just recently was there, and the guys who run Governors now are so pro-comedy, so pro-like, supporting comedy, bringing up new talent and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| And it's really great to see, because for a long time, the outlying clubs were really just like Jersey, the island, Connecticut. | ||
| You know, you just went there for money. | ||
| And now it's like, this is like a good place to work out. | ||
| Well, Governors was always really good. | ||
| Yeah, Governors was a top-of-line club. | ||
| Yeah, that was always really good. | ||
| And the Brokerage, remember the Brokerage? | ||
| The Brokerage Pub, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that was a great place, too. | ||
| There was always a lot of good places to do stand-up. | ||
| You know, of course, Rascals. | ||
| There was Rascals East and Rascals Down the Shore. | ||
| Rascals, it's such a heartache, because that was a great, great club. | ||
| And, you know, you talk about Jersey. | ||
| That was like the place where, like, Dice would come in and Dom and all those guys. | ||
| They would come in and it would be a big event. | ||
| Yeah, I remember. | ||
| I would go see guys there. | ||
| When I lived in New York and someone would say, you know, hey, this guy's going to be at Rascals. | ||
| We would drive to Rascals to watch the show. | ||
| Yeah, because it was a place where you could see someone do a real long set. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, like at Carolines or something like that. | ||
| We get to see them do like 45 minutes or an hour. | ||
| Yeah, Carolines and Gotham are really the big, like, you know, you get to do an hour in the city. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, um, they're great, and, you know, it's hard on the crowd, I think, just to some degree, because, you know, there's a lot of, like, expenses of parking and food and all that kind of stuff, but at the end of the day, it's kind of cool that you get to see, like, we just worked with Amy Schumer. | ||
| She's so funny. | ||
| She's so good. | ||
| Like, I saw her at Gotham, and she fucking rocked out, and, uh, I'm going to be playing Carolines down the road. | ||
| You always like it when you get to do a long set in your hometown. | ||
| Yeah, I love Gotham for that very reason too. | ||
| I never really did many sets at the other places. | ||
| Occasionally I would do Boston Comedy or The Cellar or The Comic Strip. | ||
| It always seemed to me like if I could do a long set, it would be better for my act. | ||
| Well, The Cellar now has become the Alamo of comedy. | ||
| People come in and they just take a picture. | ||
| Of the front, because of Louis, you know, Louis has like put it on the map. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And Louis, who's probably one of the best comics ever, he goes down there and does sets and rock and, you know, Chappelle when he's in town. | ||
| And I guess there's other guys like Aziz and things like that. | ||
| So you do get to see like some celebrity comics there. | ||
| But the majority of the guys working there are like pretty hardcore headlining, you know, top of the line comedy. | ||
| And the people who run it are, you know, they're for comedy. | ||
| Like they're not... | ||
| Promoter is like, let's turn this into a website or a cartoon or something like that. | ||
| Well, they must feel so fortunate when that does happen, when you get a place where a bunch of great comics like Louis and Chris Rock and all these different guys, and you show up and decide to do sets there on a regular basis. | ||
| Oh, I bomb there, I'd say, every other time. | ||
| But for the other guys, it is a great experience. | ||
| Every other time? | ||
| Yeah, because I never try and do... | ||
| Back in the day when I would go on the road, I'd be like, Okay, I'm back in the city now, and I want to do something different. | ||
| I want to do different jokes. | ||
| I want to explore comedy. | ||
| And that involved bombing, to some degree. | ||
| So I would do the stuff that I knew wouldn't work, but I still thought was funny. | ||
| And the crowd used to roll with that. | ||
| But nowadays, the crowds are not like that. | ||
| They really want to see a performance. | ||
| They want to see it tight. | ||
| Like, you ever on stage, sometimes you're like, Oh, that one didn't turn out. | ||
| And you can see in the crowd they're kind of disappointed. | ||
| I'm like, don't worry, guys. | ||
| The next one will be funny. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| I don't think a lot of people are aware of the process. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The creating new material process, which involves a lot of risks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just throw them in my sets, and I'll do new bits. | ||
| I just chuck them in the middle, and whether or not it works, we'll find out. | ||
| But sometimes they don't go well. | ||
| Sometimes you're not exactly sure what the right... | ||
| The right order it is for the pieces in it. | ||
| We were talking about Doug. | ||
| I saw him at Caroline's probably a year ago. | ||
| And he was up there just basically... | ||
| He had just done an album. | ||
| He was in England. | ||
| He was coming off of a hardcore tour. | ||
| And he was up there. | ||
| I would say he was doing his job. | ||
| He was getting laughs. | ||
| But he also was doing some thoughts, some things that he just wanted to talk about. | ||
| And as a fan of comedy, because I wasn't a comic, I wasn't thinking, I'm going on... | ||
| I was like, this is what I love watching when a guy's just thinking it out and he doesn't know where it's going to go. | ||
| And I think that's kind of cool and exciting. | ||
| But for the fan, especially people who've seen comedy on TV or they know one person and then they come and see these unknown people, I always feel like they're disappointed. | ||
| And I used to get really angry at them, but now I just feel sorry for them. | ||
| It's like, wouldn't it be cool if he got to see The Stones? | ||
| Not to equate what we do to The Stones. | ||
| But like them working on Start Me Up, I think that would be cool. | ||
| Well this is the only, stand-up comedy is the only art form where you really need an audience. | ||
| Yeah, oh yeah. | ||
| To perfect the bit. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| They're involved in the creation process because as they laugh, things evolve and change. | ||
| And as you feel them enjoying the bit, it's really hard for anybody who has never done stand-up to describe that feeling when something's killing. | ||
| Like you know the timing, you feel where to jump in, you feel where to let things sit. | ||
| And you really need an audience to do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I always like when you push it past the point of funny to like, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because then, you know, the next time you're like, okay, so that's the end of it. | ||
| So then next time I'll pull back or... | ||
| Go in a different direction. | ||
| That's just my, I guess, process. | ||
| And sometimes you can go further. | ||
| Sometimes there's different days where you have a different amount of enthusiasm in chasing the darker aspects of a subject. | ||
| But people don't like dark. | ||
| Your crowd is cool. | ||
| They like comedy and they see the funny and sadness in life. | ||
| But I think the majority of young audiences who've never failed at anything It's kind of weird when you do a joke and there's not a win or a happy ending at the end. | ||
| They're like, aww! | ||
| Well, as long as it's really funny, I think there's less tolerance for self-indulgent angriness today. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, yeah. | |
| Because I think people are more aware of what it actually is now. | ||
| Whereas before, someone would say something shocking and fucked up, and people would go with it and go, oh, he's an edgy comedian. | ||
| And now, you know, the majority of people are aware, oh, no, that's just a fucked up guy, and he's like pushing your buttons by saying something shocking. | ||
| But there's no real thought behind it. | ||
| He's not really trying to say anything. | ||
| He's just trying to make something shocking, make it work, use it as a tool to get a reaction from the crowd. | ||
| And people don't want that. | ||
| But dark... | ||
| Great humor? | ||
| It's always funny. | ||
| If it's funny, it's funny. | ||
| Stanhope's shit is still very dark and very hilarious. | ||
| Incredibly dark. | ||
| People talk about develop a following and all this kind of stuff. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| The people who follow Stanhope are really the darkest motherfuckers out there. | ||
| God bless them. | ||
| He really does not... | ||
| He doesn't sugarcoat any of his shit, you know? | ||
| I love him. | ||
| His new CD is fantastic, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| It's one of his best ones ever. | ||
| And that's what I think about him, man. | ||
| He always bangs out, like, a new hour, like, every year and a half. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, whatever. | ||
| He's constantly working. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so important to have a guy like that around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the guy. | |
| To all of us. | ||
| To all of us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We all... | ||
| Like, Louie, it's important to have a guy like that around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Louie... | |
| Crazy work ethic. | ||
| Another guy who, every year or so, has another hour. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Besides that, like, his crowd... | ||
| It's so connected to him that, you know, I feel that his stuff, you know, it's so personal that, like, somehow they relate to it in a whole different way that I can't even understand, you know? | ||
| Yeah, well, he develops, like, different parts of his actual real life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Puts him in there. | ||
| It's fucking a downer, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got a TV show stepping up, huh? | |
| People don't like caring about people suffering anymore. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| They want positive energy, especially since The Secret. | ||
| But you've got to give comedy bones for one thing. | ||
| During that whole New York thing, Broadway, shut down! | ||
| The Big Apple Circus, no way. | ||
| The only thing rolling out, funny-wise, was comedy. | ||
| And I thought that was good. | ||
| I was proud to be a comic. | ||
| So the seller was rolling out with a generator. | ||
| They were rolling out with a generator. | ||
| They were closed the first couple days, like everybody else. | ||
| But then they were like, we've got to do some shows. | ||
| And I think Tom Papa was behind that, who's another really good guy. | ||
| Really, really funny guy. | ||
| And this new club, The Stand... | ||
| They were doing shows to candlelight, so that was like, you can't get any more renaissance fairy than that. | ||
| That's sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's amazing. | ||
| I've been on stage before, and the power's gone out. | ||
| It's weird, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, strange. | ||
| Because now you're just a guy talking. | ||
| You have no microphone. | ||
| Heffron did a whole set to candlelight once. | ||
| That would be a cool CD. Yeah, John Heffron said he was on stage, and the power went off, and it was pretty clear it wasn't coming back on, so he just did the whole set to candlelight. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It was a little... | ||
| My act is so filthy dirty that the romantic candlelight situation does not match the scene there. | ||
| That's perfect. | ||
| You know, I'm somewhere between candlelight and a cross burning. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like that kind of thing. | ||
| A campfire. | ||
| A campfire. | ||
| And a tarring and feathering. | ||
| But anyway, I have to tell you, man, you rocked out on the porn show. | ||
| And I don't want to be a whore and just talk about porn, but... | ||
| You know, this is the new season. | ||
| Dave's old porn on Showtime. | ||
| And I got to say that, like, you know, having you there, it really helped me because I knew you had my back with the porn. | ||
| And we watched some of Ginger's greatest clips because we had, like, so much Ginger Lynn, you know, clips, loops, movies. | ||
| And, like, you got to give it to her because she's like a, you know, she's like, I guess you would call like a delta force of porn. | ||
| So she was out there. | ||
| And, like, once she got into it, she was into it full tilt, you know, anal stuff. | ||
| You know, three ways, all that kind of stuff. | ||
| John Holmes. | ||
| John Holmes. | ||
| She's banging John Holmes. | ||
| I mean, like, just like, you know, you forget that, like, in the 80s, like, there's a crossover between, like, the 70s people and then the 80s. | ||
| And Ginger and Christy Canyon, I think, are the uber babes of the 80s. | ||
| And I have both of them on the show. | ||
| And I feel like, yeah, that's a win. | ||
| Yeah, Christy Canyon was there when we were leaving. | ||
| Yeah, Christy is with Marc Maron. | ||
| And that's a whole different ballgame. | ||
| That'll be later in the season. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I just did their radio show on Playboy Radio, and it's really cool, like, because they're out there, you know, they're still talking the talk, and they're sexy. | ||
| I mean, there's a sexiness to them. | ||
| I don't know what to tell you. | ||
| They still get me, you know, going. | ||
| They're hot, you know? | ||
| Even though they're a little older, hey, we're all a little older. | ||
| What are you trying to say? | ||
| I'm just saying that they're fucking, you know... | ||
| You're ready for a Christy Canyon ginger. | ||
| I wish. | ||
| I said to Christy, I go, I've had a crush on you since, like, 1986. You know, it's just crazy. | ||
| But she is, like... | ||
| The, you know, I don't know, she's beautiful. | ||
| You think you had a shot? | ||
| Please, come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, there's nothing there. | |
| I think that a lot of those girls, like, you know, it was the hair bands of the 80s, and then I'm sure a lot of movie star kind of guys, you know, all that kind of stuff. | ||
| They're probably tired of dick by now. | ||
| They're like, please. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I think that they're... | ||
| Offer me is some dick. | ||
| And when I was in San Francisco, Serena, who is, I think, one of the hottest women ever to do porn, she's a redhead, strawberry blonde... | ||
| Serena, who was, you know, up for anything, man. | ||
| Like, her scene's never boring. | ||
| And she came to my show when I was working at Cobbs, and it's cool to hang with her, you know? | ||
| She's just really cool. | ||
| Isn't it weird that they're still making porn? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some of them, yeah. | |
| If you really stop and think about it. | ||
| No, that's not what I mean. | ||
| I mean that anybody's still making porn. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Isn't there enough to jerk off to? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's definitely enough. | |
| I mean, how many fucking videos do you need? | ||
| It's like there's no way you could ever possibly see all the porn that's there. | ||
| It's like buying books and you haven't read any of them. | ||
| Yeah, like we could have built like a seawall with old porn around Manhattan and it would have been as dry as a bone. | ||
| If you stop and think about it, how many porns have been made? | ||
| Like millions and millions of porns. | ||
| There's no way anybody has jerked off to all the porn that's ever been made. | ||
| I'm trying. | ||
| Do you have a specific category that you automatically go to? | ||
| I don't know if we talked about it last time, but like I love amateur casting, you know, any era, but I love it from the 80s and 90s more than now, even though there's like four or five different genres for casting. | ||
| But Pierre Woodman, who's a French dude, he used to do this thing called private casting, and I love his stuff. | ||
| And, you know, if he was in America, like, I would have him on in a second, even though, like, I don't think I could show any of his stuff. | ||
| It's too late. | ||
| But I like the retro stuff now a lot more than I used to ever like it. | ||
| And I guess now that's like the new kink for me, you know? | ||
| People love that amateur shit like where they come in for it because it's like this is the first time ever and they're awkward as opposed to like the girl who you lift up her skirt. | ||
| She's already fingering an asshole. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| She's training. | ||
| She's just already there and ready to go and you know like, oh my god, this is like the thousandth thick you've seen this week. | ||
| This is not special for you. | ||
| You're just doing an act. | ||
| Well, when we were doing Ginger's show, just luck of the draw, we pulled one of her tapes where she did her first anal. | ||
| And we were like, whoa, this is amazing. | ||
| She had a big hairy box back then. | ||
| Yeah, but you said that you didn't really mind the hair. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Doesn't bother me. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| Doesn't bother me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's so cute that she could get away with a nice little tuft. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| They're hot. | ||
| I mean, if there was a lot of asshole hair, the legs. | ||
| Yeah, that's a little too much. | ||
| I mean, if you date one of those Eastern block women, darker ones. | ||
| Yeah, you can only imagine that iron curtain pussy. | ||
| That must be crazy. | ||
| There's got to be some hairy bitches up there, especially up north where it gets really cold. | ||
| Yeah, like a vampire or something. | ||
| The upper legs. | ||
| But I would have to say that now with shaving, a lot of the younger girls are letting it grow out a bit because it's cool, and I think they realize that, like, fuck, what am I doing this for? | ||
| It's like, honestly... | ||
| It doesn't have to be shaving. | ||
| Shaving's weird. | ||
| The vagina beats everything. | ||
| Crabs. | ||
| Exactly, yeah. | ||
| Crabs can hide in there. | ||
| But I think what they do is they do the strip. | ||
| Most of the girls will do diamond, you know? | ||
| And I think that works. | ||
| That's the best way to go. | ||
| But you're right, the anal hair, that's, yeah, you gotta bleach that. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| Trim that out, get some illegals in there. | ||
| Isn't it weird that every girl, I mean, it's sort of just universally accepted that hairy legs are disgusting. | ||
| No one bucks that trend. | ||
| Yeah, Esther. | ||
| Esther doesn't shave her legs? | ||
| She has longer hair on her legs than my chest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Wow. | ||
| How did she get away with that? | ||
| She just wears pants all the time. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Esther does not shave her legs. | ||
| No. | ||
| Or armpits. | ||
| But when you watch all these old school things like Game of Thrones or something like that, Think about it. | ||
| Every chick was hairy. | ||
| Disgustingly. | ||
| But they didn't look hairy. | ||
| The hot mother. | ||
| The mother to the new chin. | ||
| She's hot. | ||
| She doesn't look like she has hairy legs. | ||
| She's not period friendly. | ||
| Corset and what not. | ||
| Did they shave their legs back then? | ||
| No. | ||
| I wonder when that started. | ||
| I think the early 80s. | ||
| As soon as someone realized how hot it was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're like, why fuck? | ||
| I mean, you have legs. | ||
| It really is hot. | ||
| Yeah, it's the hottest thing ever. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| Girls with long, hot legs, shapely legs. | ||
| I remember when the girl just shaves like up to the knee high. | ||
| You know, like they'll just shave like what they need. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And everything else is like this incredibly disgusting forest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| It's hard being a girl, so that's all we can get out of that one. | ||
| It's way harder. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a lot of work. | |
| Plus you can get pregnant. | ||
| You know, can you imagine? | ||
| Every time you have sex, all of a sudden it can mean another person's growing inside you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What a fucking drag. | ||
| Meanwhile, guys don't have to think about it ever. | ||
| Our design is to just go shoot them off. | ||
| Hard loads. | ||
| Undeniable impulse to constantly be shooting off loads. | ||
| Well, here's a bit I was working on, which maybe you can help me out with, is the hot load. | ||
| You know how guys always assume their loads are incredibly hot. | ||
| So do you back away so that by the time it hits, it's a lukewarm, kind of nice feel? | ||
| Well, if you're courteous, you blow on it. | ||
| Fever loads. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Shoot a load in their face. | ||
| The least you can do is treat it like a soup. | ||
| Take a step back so that there's some of the fire, the fireball. | ||
| Isn't it amazing that you can blow on soup and it actually cools it off? | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Isn't it amazing that you can blow out hot air or cold air? | ||
| You can just go, and it's hot. | ||
| Can you get it hot? | ||
| Or it's cold. | ||
| How do you change it? | ||
| I didn't know that you could do that until right now. | ||
| I didn't even realize that. | ||
| But he's right. | ||
| If you do, you get it from the deep inside your body. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| It's hot. | ||
| It never runs out. | ||
| You can keep on doing it. | ||
| I can barely breathe, so I'm going to have to go on your... | ||
| Dude, that's totally true. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Strippers did it on my crotch through my pants. | ||
| Oh, you son of a bitch. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Are you a big strip club guy, Dave? | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| I used to go all the time. | ||
| Now I feel like, you know, what's the point? | ||
| I lost an ear here. | ||
| I don't care about, like, you know... | ||
| I heard you were the only person I ever... | ||
| Somebody told me that you really liked the body shop in Hollywood. | ||
| I was there during the fire. | ||
| They had a fire there. | ||
| You know that? | ||
| The next day they had this incredible fire. | ||
| That's the story. | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| I don't really like the club, but that was definitely one of those clubs where you're like, hey, you can walk to it. | ||
| Oh, the place across the street from the store? | ||
| Yeah, you go play the comedy store, you want to do something, so you're like, hey, you go over to the body shop. | ||
| I went there one or two times, and I would say that You know, the girls were really hot, but I feel like a lot of them were not, like, pros. | ||
| A lot of them were just, like, party girls who wanted to make some coin. | ||
| And, you know, we went there. | ||
| There was, like, girls and guys came with us. | ||
| So, like, they were all over the girls and the guys, you know, like watching that for some reason. | ||
| I never really give a shit about that. | ||
| But I would say it's a good club, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I remember that somebody told me you liked that club, and then you said, like, the next day after going to it, it burned down. | ||
| And you're like, great, the one place that I found that burnt down. | ||
| Jewish lightning, cocksucker! | ||
| Yeah, it was crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that place was across the street from the comedy store, but we only went to it like twice. | ||
| And it was only when someone's in town. | ||
| It's like, hey, you want to go down to the body shop? | ||
| And it was always somebody else's idea. | ||
| I don't like places that don't serve liquor. | ||
| Strip clubs that don't serve liquor. | ||
| Yeah, they don't serve any liquor there. | ||
| Yeah, I would like to have alcohol. | ||
| They make you buy two... | ||
| Cokes. | ||
| Like a $9 water? | ||
| I used to have a bit about it. | ||
| Vaginas and alcohol for some reason. | ||
| It's just a volatile combination in California. | ||
| You can't see that. | ||
| A girl could have a bikini bottom on and show your tits and you could barely keep it together with a beer. | ||
| But if you have actual alcohol and see a vagina, there'd just be too much chaos. | ||
| Well, that's why I want to go to Thailand at some point. | ||
| Because supposedly they have the ultimate stripper, bar, bang bang girl. | ||
| I heard Soapies. | ||
| Have you heard of Soapies? | ||
| No. | ||
| Some guy just told me in Columbus, we were there, and he said there's these things called soapies where you lay down and they put soap all over you and then they get completely naked and they just rub your body with their body. | ||
| Like they just lay on you and squish around and stuff like that. | ||
| And do you shoot loads? | ||
| No, and then they dry you off and then you fuck them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| That's a lot of time. | ||
| And you pick out, when you first get in though, there's like 30 people and they all hold up a number and you pick which one you want. | ||
| That's for a guy on vacation. | ||
| That's still going on or is that something in the 70s? | ||
| Yeah, it's still going on. | ||
| No, it's still going on. | ||
| The Vietnam War thing. | ||
| It's still going on. | ||
| I was actually looking at flights from Ohio just to see how much it was. | ||
| It was $1,200. | ||
| You're going to go to Thailand? | ||
| Yeah, but it was a 24-hour flight. | ||
| And I was like, fuck that. | ||
| 24 hours? | ||
| 24 hours. | ||
| That's got to be a weird flight because everybody on that plane is a pervert. | ||
| There's nobody going there like, hey, you know, I'm going to the University of Thailand. | ||
| Is it really a 24-hour flight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't know a plane could stay in the air for 24 hours. | ||
| No, I think there was a layover or a stop somewhere, I think, but yeah. | ||
| I've been on a 16. That's a weird one. | ||
| I've been to Australia, which is a 16, I think. | ||
| I've never done that flight, man. | ||
| I've got to do that at some point. | ||
| I've never done one of those comedy festivals in Australia or South Africa. | ||
| I heard South Africa, that one's fucking amazing, and the Australian one is like, How long has that been going on? | ||
| Like 15 years? | ||
| 20 years now? | ||
| It's really bad for you. | ||
| What? | ||
| The flight. | ||
| The flight is bad for you. | ||
| I just did the Brazil one where I went 11 hours from Brazil to Miami and then 5 hours from Miami and I got sick. | ||
| And I never get sick. | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| Flying won't make you sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's terrible for you. | ||
| And you're constantly around other people's fucking diseased coffee breath and shit and people are spitting and touching things. | ||
| It's like being on a submarine but there's really no... | ||
| Glory to it, you know? | ||
| It's just super bad for you. | ||
| There's something about that recirculated air, too, that just really diminishes you. | ||
| It's supposed to be better. | ||
| And flying just stinks, and it's getting harder and harder. | ||
| No, Brian, it's not supposed to be better. | ||
| No, I saw a special on it that they said that the air filtration systems in planes are so amazing that it really does... | ||
| It's actually really good for you. | ||
| Well, this is what it is. | ||
| That air that comes out of those little tubes is actually a very clean air. | ||
| Those things that you blow on you, that's actually very clean. | ||
| However... | ||
| You are in a tube where there's no fresh air and you are recycling everyone's breath. | ||
| And that's the problem. | ||
| That's why you have that tube on you the whole time. | ||
| Well, that can help you. | ||
| But the amount of air that's in that is limited. | ||
| And it's all being recycled with people breathing out. | ||
| That's the issue. | ||
| You're constantly around other people's breath and it doesn't really have anywhere to go. | ||
| And so there is like a recirculation. | ||
| There is a filtration. | ||
| But you're still going to take in breaths filled with other people's shit. | ||
| There's no way around it. | ||
| That's why the farts smell so bad on airplanes. | ||
| Someone farts on an airplane. | ||
| It's not even like farting in a restaurant. | ||
| It's like farting in your face. | ||
| It's like there's nowhere for it to go. | ||
| That's why when you're stuck on the tarmac for like five hours and you realize this plane is built only for the air, that the toilets start backing up and there's no air and you feel trapped. | ||
| I get incredibly claustrophobic on the plane. | ||
| So, you know, once that door shuts, I'm like, fuck, dude. | ||
| Now I'm in this tube now for the next six, seven hours. | ||
| Well, it's a part of our job to be on planes on a regular basis. | ||
| It's not the best part. | ||
| But back in the old days, like when it was all like just torn like road, like driving cars, you and another guy, that must have, you know, I've done like a lot of that. | ||
| And there is like, Even though it takes a while, there was some fun to that. | ||
| It's fun if it's a good comic. | ||
| It's a fun guy. | ||
| I did a lot of main gigs with a lot of Boston guys. | ||
| We did a lot of driving up to Vermont and shit like that. | ||
| Four and five hour drives. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| But now everybody's so PC and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| It's like, let's stop and go apple picking. | ||
| There's really no... | ||
| There's no adventure to it. | ||
| Everybody's so PC. I want to pick up a Delph China set for my mom. | ||
| I'll go on tour with you. | ||
| You feel like you're the last of a dying breed of self-destructive comics? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's kind of hard to explain to the new guys the road to them. | ||
| A lot of them are like, I hate the road. | ||
| I've done two gigs. | ||
| I'm like, two? | ||
| And you hate it already? | ||
| You've got to do about 2,000 before you get that real good hate of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Joey Diaz and I have been on some fucking adventures across this great land of ours. | ||
| That guy has been on the road before... | ||
| I don't know, before the road. | ||
| I mean, like, he must have started out working, like, you know, state fairs and shit like that. | ||
| I mean, he's hardcore. | ||
| Yeah, he's like that Johnny Cash song, The Highwayman. | ||
| He's done this in other lives. | ||
| He's done this in other lives. | ||
| But I bet you he's like me. | ||
| He's probably more comfortable on the road than he is ever at home. | ||
| You know, because I never feel like at home, I'm like, ugh. | ||
| Joey's most comfortable, I think, on stage. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You know, I think he just loves getting up there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's just a hustler, too. | ||
| You know, Joey's always got something going on. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's the cool thing about it, man. | ||
| It's like, you know, the good thing about comedy is that, like, you know, every day is a new day, you know, and, like, you can, you know, it's really up to you to make it happen, and everybody's like, if I only knew the right guy and if somebody read the screenplay, it's like, yeah, but that's not about comedy. | ||
| Comedy's about, like, getting funnier and just getting out there, really. | ||
| That's what I tell everybody. | ||
| Everybody's like, How do I meet an agent? | ||
| I'm like, why? | ||
| So some guy can not take your calls? | ||
| It's like, right now you're doing more for your career going on doing seven minutes than this douchebag is going to do for you ever. | ||
| At the end of the day, it all becomes about that engine. | ||
| The engine that propels your life is your work, your comedy that you create. | ||
| And everybody is wrapped up on getting auditions and getting a show and getting a series and getting all these things, which ultimately are not the best thing for your stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, it hurts your stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You were on a sitcom. | ||
| Sitcoms, kill your stand-up. | ||
| You were on a sitcom, right? | ||
| It's like, did you feel funnier after you did that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I felt less funny, first of all, because I had to work long hours. | ||
| You were on the set long hours a day. | ||
| And I got lazy, and I stopped writing material. | ||
| And there was no encouragement. | ||
| No one thought. | ||
| But the producer even said it to me once. | ||
| Like, why are you still doing stand-up? | ||
| You're an actor now. | ||
| Yeah, I hate when they say that. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| But it's great money, so that's why everybody wants to do it. | ||
| But ultimately, the real money is in stand-up. | ||
| I mean, the real happy money. | ||
| Because you're doing what you actually enjoy. | ||
| Have you ever been on a bad sitcom? | ||
| I've auditioned for every, I think, bad sitcom that never made it. | ||
| I don't even do acting. | ||
| That's the least thing I could give a shit about. | ||
| I'm in my late 40s now, and I'm like... | ||
| Dude, I could give a shit if I ever get on the Big Bang Theory or any of that stuff. | ||
| I know guys are like, if only I could get on there. | ||
| And I'm like, you know, I'd rather be able to say what I want to say when I want to say it, where I want to say it, than for low money, than be on a sitcom where I walk out and it's like, watch out, fellas, it's time for break. | ||
| You know, like some line that has been overwritten by a bunch of guys I don't know sitting in the writer's room, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe I'm a dick. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It never excited me enough to do that. | ||
| And I always was pegged as the setup to the funny guy, and I hate that. | ||
| Like, what are you doing, Waldo? | ||
| And then he would say the funny line, and I'd be like... | ||
| We were, I think a lot of comics sort of led in that direction in the 80s, when you saw Roseanne and Tim Allen and these guys go to have series, and Seinfeld and these series make millions and millions of dollars... | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| So that became like a direction where everybody was sort of like thinking, well, I guess I got to do that. | ||
| I guess I got to do that. | ||
| And then the idea of just being a stand-up was like, nobody appreciated that. | ||
| Nobody was like, oh, he just wants to be a stand-up. | ||
| They'd be like, why when you can do movies? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Why when you can do a sitcom? | ||
| Why when you can do a television show? | ||
| But there are some guys who are like legitimately like, you know, I'm a stand-up, but I'm also an actor. | ||
| So I give it to them. | ||
| Oh, nothing wrong with that. | ||
| But, like, Seinfeld, who was really a stand-up who became an actor, went back to stand-up. | ||
| So, like, that's what he does now. | ||
| He does his stand-up. | ||
| Roseanne, I think, is, like, so creative, you know, like, all over the place that she could do stand-up if she wanted to. | ||
| But I think once you make that TV money and then going back to stand-up, you feel like you failed. | ||
| But you shouldn't because it's, like, it's fun. | ||
| And, like, you should see the fun in it, you know? | ||
| Well, it's sort of like the only art form where you're expected to transition and turn from a caterpillar into a butterfly. | ||
| True. | ||
| Whereas if you're a rapper, nobody's expecting you to go into movies. | ||
| You might go into some movie, but most rappers just essentially stay rappers, and that's where people love them. | ||
| Well, but I think all the rapper guys, they want to be an action hero kind of guy in their head. | ||
| Because I don't think they're making that much money rapping anymore. | ||
| Nobody makes any money... | ||
| Off the CDs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think they do on tour, though. | ||
| Yeah, on tour. | ||
| That's where the real money is. | ||
| But yeah, I think they definitely want to... | ||
| And they have that incredible rapper confidence. | ||
| They're always so confident. | ||
| Comics aren't that confident. | ||
| The opposite of comedy. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You can't have a guy who's self-hating himself as he blows away a dude with an AK-47. | ||
| You can if you're black. | ||
| Okay, that's true. | ||
| There is a racial thing to it. | ||
| It's a cultural thing. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's very different. | ||
| That's why I would say that Comics who do sitcoms, and I know a lot of them who did sitcoms, when they come back to the comedy, they're always like, you know, I'm a little rusty. | ||
| I'm like, are you really? | ||
| I mean, it's just like you should have done stand-up the whole way through, you know, and it wouldn't have been that way. | ||
| I know a lot of guys quit. | ||
| Kevin James basically quit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Occasionally he goes on and does these shows with Ray Romano, but once he started acting, he just really doesn't have the time for it anymore. | ||
| He does a lot of movies, too. | ||
| Kids-friendly movies. | ||
| And that to me would be the worst, to be in a kids-friendly movie. | ||
| And then you have this dirty, filthy act. | ||
| I think that happens to Tracy Morgan a lot, where they see him on Dirty Rock, which is a smart, funny show. | ||
| And then they see him live, and he is just fucking out of control. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I did two of Kevin's movies. | ||
| I did Zookeeper, which is a family-friendly movie. | ||
| And then I did Here Comes the Boom, another family-friendly movie. | ||
| But I played myself in that one. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But, you know, Kevin's been my friend since we started out. | ||
| He was a great comic, too. | ||
| Very funny comic. | ||
| That's why it kind of bums me out that he doesn't do it that much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of people don't even know. | ||
| I started with him on Long Island, and he always knew who he was. | ||
| Eastside? | ||
| Well, Eastside and Governors. | ||
| Him and his brother, who also is a comic, Gary Valentine, they were there all the time. | ||
| But Kevin and Ray, they kind of are like soul brothers in a way, even though both of them are the whitest guys. | ||
| And they kind of have the same comedy. | ||
| It's like very... | ||
| It's endearing. | ||
| They don't want to offend anybody. | ||
| They don't want to offend anybody, but Ray's comedy is still really so well written, from what I remember from the past. | ||
| I saw him recently. | ||
| He did one of those, Kevin and Bean, they do an April Foolishness show in LA, and he did it, I think, two years ago. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| Yeah, he should be on the road because he's a funny guy, man. | ||
| I know he's got a lot of kids. | ||
| He does the Mirage every now and then. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Him and Kevin do like gigs together. | ||
| And I think he was doing a new show, but it was like a drama, right? | ||
| Wasn't he doing like a TV show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, he was. | |
| It was not men behaving badly, but men of a certain age. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| Executive produced by Michael Royce, who is a guy I started doing comedy with. | ||
| And he's a great guy. | ||
| He worked on Louie's first show on HBO. He's worked on Ray's show. | ||
| He's a great writer, and he was a comic, too. | ||
| How did you get from stand-up to this idea of doing porn, showing old? | ||
| Is this your idea? | ||
| Yeah, this is my idea. | ||
| Stuart Bailey, who is the executive producer of the show, we pitched it to another network, and they said no. | ||
| We made the pilot with them. | ||
| This is years and years ago now. | ||
| They said no, but it's too dirty, but it's funny. | ||
| Then I went over to Showtime, and that's what we did. | ||
| It really is kind of like you did it. | ||
| It's a two-dimensional show. | ||
| It's me and the comic ragging on the clips and basically just dick-joking it around, unscripted. | ||
| We didn't script anything. | ||
| And then we go right to the tribute part of the show, which is bringing out the legend. | ||
| Or in some shows, I bring out young porn, so it's like, The last show of the season, I'm going to give it away now. | ||
| We got Asa Akira, Jessie Jane, Caden Cross, Shawn Michaels, who's one of the coolest dudes ever to do porn. | ||
| He's black, but he is so cool. | ||
| It's really weird for the dudes in porn, especially guys like Shawn Michaels. | ||
| You've got to give them a tip of the hat. | ||
| You couldn't have porn without them. | ||
| But yet they don't get any of the credit, any of the money that the chicks do. | ||
| So it was great to have a guy like that on the show. | ||
| And he's so smooth and so charming and interesting. | ||
| And then Andy Dick was on the show. | ||
| And Adrian Curry, who is really, really cool. | ||
| Was Andy Dick sober? | ||
| Andy Dick was sober. | ||
| And he was a little disappointed because I didn't have much retro gay porn. | ||
| But I did the best I could. | ||
| And there's a lot of retro gay porn out there. | ||
| It's just I... Wasn't sure what the network would think about it. | ||
| Guy on guy. | ||
| Peter North is a funny one because he's famous for loads. | ||
| Famous for giant loads. | ||
| Frothy loads. | ||
| It's pretty ridiculous the size of that guy's loads. | ||
| Oh, amazingly. | ||
| Whatever it is, a banana clip he has on the bottom of his dick. | ||
| There's like 50, 60 loads in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I tell you, Joe, that ZMA shit really has affected my loads. | ||
| It's humongous now. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Zinc and magnesium. | ||
| It boosts your testosterone and makes your loads more frothy. | ||
| See, that's the cool thing about you guys' show. | ||
| It's like helpful tips, you know, like Dr. Oz stuff. | ||
| We're trying to spread a little positivity there. | ||
| David Tell. | ||
| We're trying to enrich the world. | ||
| We're trying to power up people. | ||
| Get them excited about life. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Get them fired up. | ||
| Dudes who do porn. | ||
| Ron Jeremy. | ||
| Ron Jeremy, of course. | ||
| We have him coming out. | ||
| Herschel Savage. | ||
| Who else? | ||
| John Holmes. | ||
| John Holmes, not here. | ||
| You know what was interesting? | ||
| How Ginger Lynn was very proud of the fact that John Holmes always got it up with her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that was the thing with John Holmes. | ||
| He had this giant rubber dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huge. | |
| A lot of times it would be like half hard. | ||
| But with her, she's like he was always excited. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| She was very proud of that. | ||
| Yeah, I would be too. | ||
| She's a real trooper. | ||
| Yeah, she really is. | ||
| She was proud of her work. | ||
| That wasn't just like punching in at Wendy's. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| She was doing some art. | ||
| And, you know, with the dudes in the porn, like there's so many great ones. | ||
| Eric Edwards, who I didn't even know he was into it, but if we do it again, I'm definitely getting him on it. | ||
| Randy, shit, what's his name? | ||
| Up and Comers. | ||
| You know who I'm talking about. | ||
| Randy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| He's known for Up and Comers series. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's the one who banged Jenna Jameson, up-and-comers number 11. It's probably one of the best-known scenes in porn. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You're talking about Jenna's first one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Randy. | ||
| I forget his name, but he's not a good-looking fellow. | ||
| I think he's good-looking. | ||
| He doesn't have a very big dick. | ||
| Seems like a nice guy. | ||
| Yeah, he's like a regular guy. | ||
| Yeah, a regular guy. | ||
| And, you know, like you said, Peter North, Joey Silveria. | ||
| He's a fucking genius. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| It must have been a weird time. | ||
| For those guys, that 80s porn? | ||
| Because there was no real 70s porn. | ||
| I mean, it was so rare. | ||
| It was like, you know, you had Deep Throat and Behind the Green Door or whatever. | ||
| Was that that movie? | ||
| Yeah, Behind the Green Door. | ||
| Randy West. | ||
| Randy West, sorry about that. | ||
| Randy West, there you go. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| So, I mean, all of a sudden these guys come along in like the 1980s and it's just crazy porn. | ||
| They become stars. | ||
| It's the VHS era. | ||
| Like it was a world that didn't exist before because the porn that was done before that literally had to be streamed as a movie. | ||
| You had to have a projector. | ||
| Yeah, it was a movie. | ||
| Nobody had a fucking projector and they're going to go reel to reel and ugh, too much nonsense. | ||
| But when a VHS tape came along, it changed that game. | ||
| You could just stick that sucker right in the The VCR, which everybody had in the 80s, and everybody started watching porn. | ||
| And there was the whole section that you would go to with the video. | ||
| I remember my mother was very upset when that came out. | ||
| Like, oh, this is just right here? | ||
| You had a great first porn story. | ||
| It was like, you know, I asked everybody who comes on the show, do you remember the first time you saw porn? | ||
| That's like the big end of the interview. | ||
| I'm not an interviewer. | ||
| I'm not like Charlie Rose or anything. | ||
| But your story was interesting, where you said you were at a buddy's... | ||
| You went over either a buddy's house or you just found his porn or something like that. | ||
| It was an uncomfortable situation. | ||
| I don't remember it. | ||
| But it was a very good story, and I'm going to turn it into an animated series. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Everybody's first porn. | ||
| I mean, I remember finding porn in the woods, like magazines and shit. | ||
| Yes, we both talked about it. | ||
| I was in the Scouts, and they would be like, fuck it. | ||
| Well, I lived in Florida, and we lived near this. | ||
| I lived near in Gainesville, Florida, and it was my dad. | ||
| You and Todd Barry. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I think Todd Barry's from there. | ||
| It's a lot of alligators around there. | ||
| There's a lot of woods. | ||
| We'd go out in the woods. | ||
| Me and my friends, we'd find snapping turtles and shit. | ||
| We'd make slingshots. | ||
| And we would always find porn. | ||
| Always. | ||
| It would be wet bags of porn. | ||
| Like a plastic bag tucked under a log. | ||
| We found a bunch of that shit. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It went from that... | ||
| That was the only way you'd get it. | ||
| It was magazines. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And dudes always had to be half-hard. | ||
| They couldn't be fully hard. | ||
| They had rules. | ||
| Like, you couldn't have a full hard-on. | ||
| So, scene after scene would be this girl who's, like, pretending to be in total moaning ecstasy, spreading her pussy apart, and the dude would, like, lay his dick on her like a drowning victim. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like this poor, like, dead dick. | ||
| And he's like, what is the message here? | ||
| I think it's so important for young kids to see magazine porn, because it really is... | ||
| First of all, it's adult, but it's not like real porn, so it's not like you're not going to blow his head out. | ||
| It's kind of like just enough, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's like the training wheel of porn, you know? | ||
| It gets you started. | ||
| Yeah, like you don't want your kid to immediately go into like Hi-Fi, Wi-Fi, download porn, you know? | ||
| Here's a magazine. | ||
| You know, it's Hustler. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Take a look, you know? | ||
| I remember that feeling that you'd get when you found a Hustler. | ||
| Like, your heart would race. | ||
| He's like, whoa. | ||
| You'd be, you know, turning the pages. | ||
| Oh, man, jerking off just reading the jokes. | ||
| Yeah, and it'd be like a drip of saliva from his tongue to her dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You'd be like, what the fuck am I seeing? | |
| This is crazy. | ||
| She's gonna suck his dick. | ||
| She's gonna do it. | ||
| Well, the cool thing about the girls today, and I know We're talking way too much about porn, but I appreciate it. | ||
| There's very few places where you can talk about porn. | ||
| We had Joanna Angel on and Rob Zombie and Judah Friedlander to do this horror porn. | ||
| I have the worst horror movie porn. | ||
| The good titles I couldn't get rights to and the ones that I have are just joking, cheesy, fucking bad porn. | ||
| Joanna, who's a super hot punk chick, tatted up, really cool. | ||
| And a great businesswoman, by the way. | ||
| She runs her own company, makes her own films. | ||
| She's watching this porn and she's like, this is horrible. | ||
| You don't shoot dick that way. | ||
| It was cool to get her perspective on it because she's a director. | ||
| But I was like, wouldn't that be cool if they could... | ||
| Redirect these porns to today's standards. | ||
| I think it would be almost impossible. | ||
| That would be a good idea. | ||
| It really would be cool if they could whatever that is. | ||
| IMAX it or something. | ||
| They don't remake porn, do they? | ||
| They reloop it a lot. | ||
| They did a lot of Debbie Does Dallas's. | ||
| They've done the same movie over with different people. | ||
| Yeah, once they hit a theme that works like deep throat, sore throat, sweet throat, they do like a million versions of it. | ||
| It is different if you watch the old porn compared to today. | ||
| They are definitely better at filming shit and showing you more and better angles and stuff. | ||
| A lot of the old porn was a little awkward. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you couldn't really see what was going on. | ||
| Like, what looks good and what feels good is two different things sometimes. | ||
| And so sometimes, like, someone has to, like, turn sideways, and they're having sex in, like, an angle, like a sideways angle, just so they could show you the genitals better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Whereas they didn't really do that nearly as much in the old days. | ||
| Brian's leaving. | ||
| He's done this shit. | ||
| He's gotta go jerk off. | ||
| He just went totally... | ||
| He can't take it anymore. | ||
| He's calling it a piss, but it's gonna be white. | ||
| Yeah, I think he's gonna rub it out. | ||
| He's gonna bang one off. | ||
| But I think with the old porn that doesn't happen today is that you have a lot of guys who did old porn that were really actors, you know? | ||
| Really? | ||
| And that the old porn was like to pay the bills. | ||
| And today, like you have a lot of guys who are just like everything and they do porn, you know, like they're, you know, personal trainers, they're all these different things. | ||
| They all want to be actors, I think. | ||
| I think at some point everybody wants to be an actor who does porn. | ||
| Because they've got amazing confidence to be able to fuck in front of other people. | ||
| That's just like balls, you know? | ||
| Something happens, I think, to a lot of people when they first come to L.A. where they have this idea that they're going to make it in show business, they're going to be an actor, and then they get out here and they see what a process it is. | ||
| They see the infinite field of gears and machines in front of them they're going to have to get ground through before they pop out on the other side. | ||
| And some people just... | ||
| They lose hope in it pretty quickly. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing, man. | ||
| There's, like, all those people who are, like, an extra on, like, an 80s show, like, A-Team or something like that. | ||
| I'm always wondering, like, what happened to that guy? | ||
| What happened to this chick? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, where are they? | ||
| You know? | ||
| But I assume they're around in L.A., you know, just... | ||
| Making it happen, you know, just trying to get day-to-day, bill-to-bill, whatever. | ||
| Yeah, isn't it funny that when you used to be someone famous and then you aren't, it's sad. | ||
| But if you see someone and they were never famous, it's not sad. | ||
| No, they're trying. | ||
| Yeah, if a regular guy with a regular job at a deli, he never gets sad when you see him. | ||
| But if you went and, you know, one of the guys from different strokes is in a deli, you'd feel sad. | ||
| I used to get that all the time. | ||
| And, you know, I always say this to you because I feel like we're both, you know, In the same kind of boat here. | ||
| It's like, after I stopped doing the Insomniac show, people used to come up to me all the time and go like, what happened? | ||
| And blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And I was like, well, we were just done doing the show, you know? | ||
| And like, they're like, how could you ever be done doing TV? You do TV forever. | ||
| And to some degree, they're right. | ||
| But I was also like, I don't want it to be cheesed out, like where it keeps going and going and going. | ||
| And people would be like, you know, come to see me live. | ||
| And they're like, you know, like, this guy's a failure in show business. | ||
| When they, in my head, they don't know that like, I could give a shit about television. | ||
| It was really about being able to do stand-up, because I did stand-up before the show, during the show, after the show. | ||
| And that was really my dream. | ||
| Like, if somebody said to you, like, Dave, you can never do stand-up again, but you can have a shitty reality show, I'd be like, fuck you, I'm not going to do that. | ||
| I mean, it's like, I love... | ||
| I love the ability and freedom of doing stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, there are a lot of people that think you're a loser, though. | ||
| Because it's their dream. | ||
| And mine wasn't canceled. | ||
| It was just like, we're done doing it. | ||
| Did you get tired of doing that show, too, because people were constantly trying to get hammered with you? | ||
| There was that, but there was also the real... | ||
| And I'm pretty business-like when I work. | ||
| It was getting harder and harder instead of easier and easier. | ||
| To get access to things outside of bars. | ||
| Like, you know, working late stuff. | ||
| Like, really just cool, like, events. | ||
| Like, we would either get there, like, a week late, a week early. | ||
| For folks who don't know, Insomniac was a show that Dave did. | ||
| Yeah, on Comedy Central. | ||
| It was on Comedy Central, where it was really cool. | ||
| He would do his show, and then he would go out, and, you know, the idea would be that he's an insomniac. | ||
| You go see what the fuck's going on at night. | ||
| I really am an insomniac, and the sad part about it is being, you know, I don't drink anymore, so it's like being up For three days editing porn and having to do radio and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| There's no fun in that kind of up. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You don't like doing radio? | ||
| I love doing radio when it's somebody like you or ONA, Stern, where I get to just talk about other shit and just be funny. | ||
| A lot of these stations that they have me on sometimes, like these soccer mom stations, there's a lot of stuff you can talk about, but then there's also... | ||
| They want jokes. | ||
| When I do Bob and Tom, I love doing those guys because they are... | ||
| Older dudes. | ||
| They know porn. | ||
| They know all the porn things. | ||
| There's definitely some standards there, but I can work with it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I like being able to be... | ||
| I'm pretty good on my feet. | ||
| I can talk about a lot of different things going on in the news, whatever, politics, all that kind of stuff. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| It's exciting and it tests me. | ||
| But when it's all about you did this and give us a setup for... | ||
| You know, the football game and shit like that. | ||
| I don't like it, you know? | ||
| There's not that many really good radio people outside. | ||
| No, that's why the podcasts are cool. | ||
| A dozen or so in the whole country where you look forward to them. | ||
| There's a few guys in different radio stations where you go, this is going to be a fun show. | ||
| But there's a lot of bad, unentertaining radio. | ||
| There's two guys in San Francisco, they're gay guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, those guys are awesome. | |
| They're great. | ||
| Those guys are amazing. | ||
| And Johnny Dare, who I call Johnny Blaze last time, I just did his show. | ||
| He is so, he's cool because Johnny knows the porn people, he knows the business, And he's a lot of fun, you know? | ||
| So I think it's great that, you know... | ||
| Yeah, he has a fun show. | ||
| Yeah, that's in Kansas City, right? | ||
| Johnny Dare. | ||
| Shout out. | ||
| There's a bunch of good radio still. | ||
| Kevin and Bean in LA is still one of the best. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's just... | ||
| You know, it's a dying market. | ||
| The radio is slowly getting absorbed. | ||
| When I say a dying thing, what I mean, it's like that morning, fun personality that really Howard Stern invented. | ||
| That's not that common anymore. | ||
| Like, that's slowly being phased out by these Jack FM channels and... | ||
| Canned sort of shows. | ||
| And people that, you know, quite honestly, they don't really have that engaging of personality. | ||
| They just know how to keep things moving along and sound like a radio host, play the right songs, take some quick breaks. | ||
| You would know it better than me. | ||
| What is that computer that tells them they can tell when people aren't listening and listening? | ||
| So they're that. | ||
| They're kind of stifled by that. | ||
| So there's probably a lot of cool dudes who now have to kind of suck the man's dick to keep the show on the air, and it sucks. | ||
| Yeah, my man Willie in Denver. | ||
| The thing that they try to do when you try to put a formula to something, you can't put a formula to something being entertaining. | ||
| And the only way you find out if someone's entertaining is you've got to let them be themselves. | ||
| And when you start fucking with this and tweaking that and changing that, people that are creative understand what's going on there, that it's a stifling sort of... | ||
| But the people that are uncreative, they're just trying to fix it. | ||
| We're just trying to make more money with this. | ||
| We're just trying to make this a better radio show. | ||
| We need a girl. | ||
| We need a sidekick. | ||
| The numbers show. | ||
| Women don't feel represented on your show. | ||
| It's got to be good. | ||
| It's got to be entertaining. | ||
| And the only way to find out if it's good or entertaining is to... | ||
| Someone's actually got to be allowed to create the show. | ||
| It's got to be the vision of one or a couple of people. | ||
| As soon as you start adding producers and non-creative people in there, you're going to fuck it up. | ||
| It's going to fuck it all up. | ||
| There's no way around it. | ||
| Every show I've ever done where the show wasn't doing well and the producers came in and the executives came in and they had notes. | ||
| Ugh, those fucking notes were terrible and they ruined everything. | ||
| Well, you know, like you said, it's got to be someone's vision. | ||
| Like, Ron and Fez, these guys, like, I listen to them, you know, and, like, they definitely have a point of view, a perspective, and there's, like, definitely a chemistry with the people in the room there, so it's intriguing to watch. | ||
| Same thing with, you know, Nick DiPaolo and Artie Lang. | ||
| They've got a sports show on, and, like, sports, unless you're a hardcore sports guy, you know, it's kind of hard to listen to it, but... | ||
| They do like a fun show about sports. | ||
| And both of them, who I respect the most as comics and as just cool dudes... | ||
| It's cool that they got a thing together and they have great, I guess you could say, back and forth chemistry. | ||
| DePaulo is one of the most underrated comics in the world. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| DePaulo was one of the guys, when I was starting out, I was like an open mic-er. | ||
| Nick was already in it a couple of years, I think. | ||
| One or two years. | ||
| And he was already solid. | ||
| He was already working. | ||
| And I remember he would be the first guy. | ||
| He's this big, fucking muscular football player. | ||
| Good looking guy, yeah. | ||
| Handsome motherfucker with a full head of hair. | ||
| And I was like, oh, you can look like that and still be funny? | ||
| I thought you had to be awkward or strange. | ||
| His stuff is so well-written, and it comes at it from such an interesting perspective. | ||
| For a Boston guy, you always feel like he's a true Boston guy, but his stuff is so sophisticatedly fucking evil. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And angry. | ||
| Yeah, pure anger. | ||
| True anger. | ||
| And I always find that's the ultimate funny. | ||
| Somebody who's really fucking angry about something. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The world needs more angry comedy. | ||
| Yeah, and Nick DiPaolo, dude. | ||
| Check him out because he's fucking cool. | ||
| And, you know, there's a whole bunch of young guys coming up now that I work with who I think also have the same heart and soul of these, like, you know, Big J, Kurt Metzger. | ||
| Yeah, Metzger's very funny. | ||
| Kurt has some of the funniest shit I've ever heard. | ||
| And, you know, he's just now working his way through the system. | ||
| You know, I worked with him in Nyack at the Levity Live. | ||
| That's a great club, by the way. | ||
| Oh, what did that used to be? | ||
| It's in the mall, so it was some kind of IMAX or something. | ||
| There was a gig in Nyack way back in the day. | ||
| I wonder if it's the same gig. | ||
| But Levity Live is like, those are the same, that do stand-up live in Phoenix? | ||
| Yeah, I couldn't fill it out. | ||
| I couldn't fill it out, but I brought... | ||
| Was it a big place? | ||
| It's probably like 500 seats. | ||
| They're making these big, giant places now. | ||
| Yeah, but do you like it? | ||
| Because you could definitely feel that kind of thing. | ||
| I did the stand-up live in Phoenix. | ||
| Yeah, I loved that club. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| It was the biggest club that I've ever done. | ||
| It felt like... | ||
| Cool staff. | ||
| But it still felt like a club. | ||
| It didn't feel like a theater. | ||
| And I like working downtown Phoenix. | ||
| You know, everybody used to play the Tempe Improv, which was fun. | ||
| But I like downtown Phoenix because that's like the heart of the fucking, you know, that town is, that's a hardcore town. | ||
| That's a crazy town. | ||
| Yeah, so you get like a whole different crowd now. | ||
| It's not just college kids and whatever, you know. | ||
| Yeah, that's a wild west town. | ||
| It is, yeah. | ||
| You can carry a gun there. | ||
| Yeah, but people don't realize how nutty Phoenix is as a town. | ||
| We were in Scottsdale. | ||
| I've never told this story on the air before, I don't think. | ||
| But we came out of a club once, and there was all these people laying on the ground. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| A guy had gotten his key from the valet, and he was hammered, and he just plowed through this line of people and sent people flying through the air. | ||
| And we came out literally seconds after it happened. | ||
| And it was so strange because there was just eerie silence. | ||
| We walked out and it was literally seconds after it happened and people were lying on the ground. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| And the car was stopped and no one believed what they had seen. | ||
| That this guy had just stomped on the gas and ran a bunch of people over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| Sent some people flying. | ||
| I believe people got like seriously, seriously injured. | ||
| I think people might have even died from it. | ||
| When was that? | ||
| It was, man, I guess it had to be the early 2000s. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Like 2000, 2001. I think I first started doing the Tempe Improv in the late 90s. | ||
| So it could have been around there, too. | ||
| It could have been like 99, maybe. | ||
| That was a great club. | ||
| It was a great club. | ||
| That was one of the best. | ||
| I'm going to play the D.C. improv and I think that's the best improv in the country. | ||
| The improv in D.C.? Yeah, Irvine and D.C. are probably the last two really great ones. | ||
| Brea is very underrated, too. | ||
| I just played Brea, but I couldn't fill it up. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I know, I felt bad because I love the people that worked there. | ||
| Because people didn't know. | ||
| If they knew, they would be seeing you. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| Fuck, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's the thing about this social media stuff is it allows people to know where you're going to be. | ||
| I think it's the beach crowd, too. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I always blame it on, like, you know, like, it's near Huntington Beach, so it must be like, you know, the surfer people didn't, you know, come out. | ||
| They didn't connect with you? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I never, like, I never do any more excuses except I will ask what else is going on in town. | ||
| And if it's high school football and you're still not selling out, then I'm like... | ||
| Shit, I better fucking call a cousin and get a job doing something because this is not happening. | ||
| Dude, stop it. | ||
| You just need to get more active on Twitter. | ||
| You just need a podcast. | ||
| Yeah, a podcast would be great. | ||
| Or let us know anytime you have a show and we'll tweet it for you. | ||
| You and I were just talking. | ||
| I just want to hang and do a show with you. | ||
| I would love to do that. | ||
| It's not about money. | ||
| I want to get in front of your crowd. | ||
| I feel like your crowd would get my shit immediately. | ||
| They would love you. | ||
| 100%. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No doubt. | |
| And I would step it up. | ||
| I would not walk through the show. | ||
| I would give you my shit. | ||
| A-game. | ||
| I believe you would. | ||
| Or not just a couple of mid-jokes and, you know, whatever, Obama. | ||
| But either way, man, the people that listen to this show would love to see you wherever you are. | ||
| So just tell me where you're going to be and I'll tweet it. | ||
| Well, I'm going to San Diego this weekend and I don't even really know the club, but I'm looking forward to it because I haven't played there one. | ||
| San Diego? | ||
| Is it American Comedy Club or is it the other one? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| The Comedy Madhouse. | ||
| I think it's the Madhouse. | ||
| It's supposed to be great. | ||
| Yeah, so I'm into doing it, and I'm going to be selling Dave's old porn shit there, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So if you want a hat or a shirt or some booty shorts... | |
| See, I guarantee you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, show them the hat. | |
| There you go. | ||
| So I'll be doing that shit, so I'll be hanging out. | ||
| It's more that people don't know you, man. | ||
| A service we offer here at the Joe Rogan Experience is we use my Twitter, and we sold out... | ||
| Brian Callen sold out Philly in advance. | ||
| Another great comedy town. | ||
| The whole week at Helium. | ||
| Yeah, and he's never done that before, he said. | ||
| It was just from Twitter, putting it on Twitter. | ||
| I had two Columbus sold-out shows. | ||
| You guys are the man. | ||
| You are the kingmakers of comedy. | ||
| Well, we figured out a way to get through the fence, and now we're just letting other cool people through the fence. | ||
| We found a hole. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| I was speaking for the other comics. | ||
| We appreciate what you do, and... | ||
| Anything that helps good, cool people come see really raw, hardcore comedy is good. | ||
| It's good for the industry. | ||
| It's good for the comics. | ||
| And it's also, let's face it, nobody has money, so you might as well just come and check it out. | ||
| Well, it's worth doing... | ||
| Look, stand-up comedy in its best form is one of the most entertaining things in show business. | ||
| In my opinion, if I had a choice between seeing a great comic... | ||
| And seeing anything else, a movie, a band, I would love comedy over all those things, like as an art form. | ||
| And it ain't easy to get right. | ||
| It's not easy. | ||
| We all know a lot of guys we don't want to watch. | ||
| We all know a lot of guys, we walk in the room, we see them on stage, they go, you wander out of there. | ||
| That's how the audience feels too. | ||
| So when we find something that's good, we promote the shit out of it. | ||
| Well, now that I've been doing it over 26 years, I've never appreciated more of the people that get the comedy Back in the day, it was like the drinking party frat guys. | ||
| Now it's like they're older now, they're all married, they bring their wives in, they're like, what the fuck is this kind of shit? | ||
| But I really appreciate the comedy fan who gets the jokes and sees like, hey dude, I saw you with Mitch Hedberg and Louis Black on tour, and that was the best tour, and I love Mitch, and all kinds of stuff. | ||
| That kind of shit, I never get tired of. | ||
| I've gotten it a lot from people who've seen you, heard you on Rogan's podcast, It's really cool to hear you guys, you know, chew it up about the comedy. | ||
| So, there are definitely a lot of comedy fans out there. | ||
| We just need you guys to, like, fucking come to the clubs. | ||
| Well, they just need to find out where you're at. | ||
| I guarantee you that's a big part of it. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are huge David Tell fans. | ||
| They just wouldn't know that you're gonna be somewhere. | ||
| Yeah, I'm kind of a dick. | ||
| There's only one way. | ||
| It's like, to really reach people, it's gotta be a social media thing. | ||
| You have to have a website that you update on a regular basis. | ||
| You have to have Twitter. | ||
| What about Flyers? | ||
| That doesn't really. | ||
| Only in parking lots. | ||
| Yeah, just hire a guy flyer for a couple hours. | ||
| Fucking flyer on my car yesterday. | ||
| World famous psychic. | ||
| I should give out her number on the air. | ||
| Should I? That was one of the funniest things I ever saw in airport security was a crystal ball. | ||
| Like somebody was trying to get a crystal ball through airport security and they took it from them. | ||
| And you're like, the joke, of course, the easy joke. | ||
| Didn't they know that they were... | ||
| You know, but, I mean, honestly, that was hilarious. | ||
| What did they think it was? | ||
| A bomb. | ||
| Some kind of bomb, a neutron, EMT, blast, fucking space. | ||
| Nitrogen ball inside there. | ||
| Warlock. | ||
| Did you see that fucking explosion in Indianapolis? | ||
| I didn't even see it yet. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| Some house exploded in Indianapolis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, what was that? | |
| Most likely a gas leak. | ||
| That shit happens sometimes. | ||
| It happened. | ||
| There was another one on my message board. | ||
| A guy was saying that one happened four miles from his house. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he said he could feel the blast on his chest. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, from four miles away from his house. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| When you see what it looks like, that ain't shit. | ||
| You got to see the overhead. | ||
| There's an overhead shot that's unbelievable. | ||
| It doesn't even make sense. | ||
| Oh, look at that, man. | ||
| Like a drone strike. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It looks just like a drone strike or like some sort of a missile strike. | ||
| Go to images and there's one large photo of an overhead image where it shows... | ||
| There's one of them right there. | ||
| Click on that one. | ||
| Here's a video of it. | ||
| Yeah, but go to the images just because there's one image that's so insane. | ||
| You can't even wrap your head around how big the explosion was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know if that's it. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Wow! | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Dude, they're splinters. | ||
| They're reduced to splinters. | ||
| The house is fucking exploded. | ||
| What a heartache that must be. | ||
| Like, you come in and you see your house is just fucking pulverized. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or if you explode. | ||
| Or if it happens to you. | ||
| Well, that's something that we have to remember is that we have fucking gas pumping into our houses. | ||
| It's amazing that that shit doesn't happen on a regular basis. | ||
| Oh, here's a good gas story before. | ||
| I got it both. | ||
| I got to go do some other stuff. | ||
| You got another show to do. | ||
| Yeah, sorry, dude. | ||
| I could stay here for fucking nine hours and it would never get boring. | ||
| But what was I going to say? | ||
| In my house, I thought I had a gas leak. | ||
| So, you know, I get the handy guy come in and he's like, well, first of all, you don't have gas. | ||
| And I'm like, you sure about that? | ||
| And he goes, yeah, you don't. | ||
| So then I'm like, why do I have this blinding headache? | ||
| You know, because that's what I thought. | ||
| Because with gas leak, you always think I'm like, oh, you know, like they always say you're dizzy, blinding headache. | ||
| I'm like, Oh, okay, so I'm really just basically on deck for a stroke. | ||
| So, you know, I went through the normal, like, you know, I was like, it's gas, it's not me. | ||
| It's like, oh no, my brain, I'm an aneurysm, something's gonna happen. | ||
| So you sent the guy in because you had a headache and you just assumed it had to be? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I thought it was gas. | |
| You didn't smell gas? | ||
| My place fucking reeks of just... | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| Where do you live in New York? | ||
| I live in Manhattan. | ||
| What part? | ||
| What's the address? | ||
| Okay, cool. | ||
| Which apartment? | ||
| I live in Battery Park, right near the memorial. | ||
| It was washed out now. | ||
| It's an aquarium. | ||
| But I live in the city, so I figured it was like they're on gas or something like that. | ||
| And it turns out there's no gas there. | ||
| And I was like, oh shit, okay. | ||
| So then this is just my neuro-something about to be... | ||
| I'll be eating baby food. | ||
| Shivo-ing it. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Do you live in the thick of it where you look out your window and you just see nothing but skyscrapers? | ||
| Everything is skyscrapers. | ||
| There's no good view anymore. | ||
| You've got to be like Donald Trump to have a view where you're just like a dick and you just laugh. | ||
| But everyone wants to be on the park. | ||
| I never got that whole idea. | ||
| I like being in a place where I can get in a cab and get to the airport because I'm a comic. | ||
| It's all about getting at him and that. | ||
| Which is impossible now because the mayor shut down all these streets and there's bike lanes, there's unicycle lanes, there's skip to my loo lanes. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| This is post-hurricane you mean? | ||
| No, this has been the last two years where they made it more walking friendly. | ||
| And in Manhattan, honestly, it's so hard to get around to begin with. | ||
| It just made it impossible. | ||
| Is it the only city that has cabs like that? | ||
| Because I've never been to a city that's dominated by cabs, the way Manhattan is. | ||
| I mean, I can't think of another place. | ||
| That's so strange, where they've just decided, like, look, you can't park, forget it, we'll park for you. | ||
| Don't even try it. | ||
| Just let us take care of you. | ||
| Well, the cool thing about living in Manhattan is that you don't have to have a car, because there's the subway, and then there's cabs, and then there's buses. | ||
| Yeah, but you're letting all these other people drive for you all the time. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, come on. | ||
| It's not like a limo. | ||
| I mean, you know, some guy from Senegal is up there. | ||
| Right, but you've got to trust this guy to just drive you around. | ||
| You don't even know this guy. | ||
| True. | ||
| They never know where they're going either. | ||
| Well, it's also a weird thing. | ||
| You're constantly interacting with all these other people, like in close proximity, in cabs. | ||
| Well, that's why I like going to Minneapolis, because it's like, The whitest town with the most African cab drivers. | ||
| These are boy soldiers. | ||
| They brought them over there and they're all cab drivers. | ||
| And they know the town pretty well because they're pretty into not going back to wherever the fuck they're from. | ||
| So they're on it. | ||
| In New York, the guys are like, eh. | ||
| Do you remember that one year where they shot like 48 cab drivers in a year? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| It was like a serial cab. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Really? | ||
| It was really bad. | ||
| They were robbing cab drivers. | ||
| So they would take... | ||
| And that's one of the reasons why cab drivers would stop picking up urbans. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Stop picking up the urban kids. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Wink, wink. | ||
| They would take them somewhere and they would just shoot them in the head and take all their money. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It was really common. | ||
| I believe it was like 48 was the record one year. | ||
| And it was pretty spooky for these fucking cab drivers, especially those gypsy cabs. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are operating as cab drivers that have different licenses or no licenses, and they're just sort of sneaking around and giving people rides. | ||
| Undercover shit. | ||
| Yeah, if you mean you could just sneak around and give people rides. | ||
| We got that in England. | ||
| A guy gave us a ride. | ||
| He wasn't even a cab driver. | ||
| He gave us a deal. | ||
| Don't they have to go to a cab driving school there? | ||
| They have to learn the knowledge. | ||
| They have to learn all the street. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In England? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| In London, I know they do. | ||
| They have to go through this incredible... | ||
| They're also like, their father was a cab driver, and their father's father kind of bullshit. | ||
| When we were in, I think it was in Manchester, with my friend Dave Bishop, we got a ride with some dude who was just an illegal cab driver. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| There was a lot of illegal cab drivers, because there's not enough regular cabs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So there's these dudes who have little navigation systems, like, you need a ride? | ||
| Okay, I got you. | ||
| All right, 20 bucks? | ||
| And you negotiate with him, and you just hop in his car. | ||
| It was like a fucking Toyota Tercel. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's pretty common. | ||
| I think it's illegal though. | ||
| I think they can get in trouble if they do it. | ||
| But it's like there's so much demand for it because there's not enough cabs. | ||
| Hopefully porn stars start doing that since they're going to all be out of work soon. | ||
| What is the deal now? | ||
| How are the porn stars reacting to, for folks who don't know, Brian said they're going to be out of work because they just passed some crazy news. | ||
| Not out of work. | ||
| It's just that they've made it a lot more annoying. | ||
| Now they have to go outside of LA County to do porn. | ||
| They can go to Ventura County though, can't they? | ||
| Yeah, they have to all go out. | ||
| Is it California Statewide? | ||
| No, it's just Los Angeles County. | ||
| So all you're going to find is more annoyed and more porn stars are going to be late to set. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| When I do the AVNs, I'm sure that'll be a topic or something like that. | ||
| They will keep making porn. | ||
| They'll keep losing money making porn. | ||
| There'll be more, like, you know, illegal downloaded porn, all that kind of stuff. | ||
| So it's a lose-lose proposition all the way around, and then making it, you know... | ||
| Explain to people who don't know what it is, what we're talking about. | ||
| Well, I don't really... | ||
| I'm not from here, so I kind of know they have to wear condoms now. | ||
| It's Prop B, which was... | ||
| I think it was Prop B, but it passed, and what that means is they have to wear condoms now. | ||
| If they're doing a blowjob, they have to have, like, the mouth condom. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| If... | ||
| But what sucks is they had all these hidden things built into it. | ||
| Meaning if you're married at home and you want to go on MyFreeCams or whatever, do a webcam show, you have to have a permit that costs up to something ridiculous like $60,000 just to do that. | ||
| Just that porn with your own wife webcam. | ||
| So there's all these hidden things that they put in there on top of it. | ||
| And everyone knows that AIDS is not real, so... | ||
| Well, according to Dr. Peter Duisburg, but we really shouldn't be saying AIDS is not real. | ||
| You know, the thing about making porn now is there's such little money in it. | ||
| I think a lot of girls think, like, I'll just do porn for a while, and that'll be this amazing amount of money, and then I'll go off and do other things. | ||
| But porn is like, I'd say it would be like, Working like the maitre d' at like a fancy restaurant, you're making that kind of money, but you're doing it in like an afternoon. | ||
| But like, you know, instead of working a whole week, you're going to make that much money. | ||
| And they work scene to scene unless they're a contract girl. | ||
| And the contract girls probably make some more money and they also get a lot more publicity. | ||
| But unless the girls actually control their image and own their material, their chances of making the sizable amount of money, which they're due, by the way, they are definitely due money. | ||
| It's very low. | ||
| And, you know, I think the industry itself is going through a big transition about, like, what are we going to do? | ||
| How are we going to make the net work for us? | ||
| Because it definitely works for the people watching. | ||
| You know that. | ||
| I mean, there would be no internet without porn. | ||
| You know that. | ||
| Well, it's an interesting thing the way it happened where they all of a sudden didn't have an outlet to make money anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like no more DVD sales. | ||
| They just completely went away. | ||
| I still buy DVDs. | ||
| I'm like the last guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| What is the drop-off? | ||
| It was an enormous drop-off because I used to have a lot of porn producers. | ||
| A lot of guys used to come to jiu-jitsu. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They used to train at John Jock's place in the valley. | ||
| And they were rich as fuck. | ||
| They had these big, ballin' cars, and those guys, a lot of them lost their houses, got their houses repossessed. | ||
| It was really common. | ||
| I think in porn, too, people live for the moment, so there's probably a lot of guys who have money, but they, you know, like, want to show it off. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Kind of like rapper-type dudes. | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| And, you know, they think the money's going to always be coming in, and, like, you know, might as well buy that car and, like, a boat and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| And then a lot of girls also live kind of high up there. | ||
| And now they realize they're like, you know, I really should save some money. | ||
| But at least the girls are still getting some money. | ||
| The guys, the producers, that shit's done, man. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| I don't know how they make money now. | ||
| I have no idea who's making money and how it's being made. | ||
| I know that there was a big buyout on a lot of these companies where now they're all kind of under one flag and that it's good and bad for porn where like, you know, a lot of these independent producers... | ||
| Have been bought out. | ||
| Hopefully they made some money like a dot-com kind of thing, but I doubt it. | ||
| You know, now it's someone else's headache. | ||
| You know, the whole, like, you know, how you get it out of there, distribution, all that kind of stuff. | ||
| So it's an interesting business because, you know, I don't know much about the actual making of the porn. | ||
| I just know about the licensing and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| And that a lot of these titles, you know, it's a very gray area, you know, in terms of, like, who owns what, who can show what. | ||
| And at the end of the day, it's all going to end up on the net and people are just going to watch it for free. | ||
| So, you know, all that money you're spending for a lawyer, you realize you're like, you know, is this worth it? | ||
| You want to be on the up and up and you want the business to make money. | ||
| And I do. | ||
| I really want, you know, this show is about tributizing not only the old porn stores but making it a cool place for young ones to come out and show everybody that they're funny and cool and they're just, you don't need to see them naked without them being interesting and that, you know, it's great for comics to roll with this kind of shit since we all know the porn. | ||
| And it's kind of like, it's very important for me that this show works for the industry. | ||
| You know, like, and at the AVNs, When I meet the people, they go, oh, I love the show. | ||
| I love what you're doing for porn, and I never really got it, but now I get it, because it's a place for the people to see them do something besides fuck. | ||
| Yeah, to see them in a positive light, too. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's a weird thing with morals, where people look down on porn in a strange way, yet it gets seen and used by so many fucking people. | ||
| If you look at the numbers, the amount of people that are involved in watching porn is fucking staggering. | ||
| The amount of porn downloads It's supposedly 40% or somewhere around there of the internet's entire traffic. | ||
| You're not lying, yeah. | ||
| So what's crazy to me is that that industry, when the internet boom came along, that industry was essentially gutted, took the legs right off of it. | ||
| The industry fell apart. | ||
| People were completely out of the business. | ||
| People lost jobs like crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But those jobs were never deemed to be legitimate, so there was never any talk of a bailout. | ||
| There was never any talk of government assistance. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Chevy's okay. | ||
| We have to save Chevy. | ||
| Chevy's important. | ||
| Chevy makes cars. | ||
| We can't lose Chevy jobs. | ||
| So they went in to save Chevy or GM, but they didn't do shit about the porn business. | ||
| They just let it die. | ||
| They'll always be porn and they'll always be a porn business, but they are scraping by. | ||
| Bank bailouts? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Porn bailouts? | ||
| No fucking way. | ||
| I don't even know how they do it. | ||
| I don't know how they... | ||
| Do they have backers? | ||
| Is this like... | ||
| Just some money they found from jungle gold digging. | ||
| I don't know how they do it. | ||
| Has there been a business that fell apart that's that big of a business that almost completely evaporated in such a short period of time? | ||
| The porn, yeah. | ||
| Besides porn. | ||
| I can't think of one. | ||
| The music business, I guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Porn and music, and also to some degree, I guess, comedy. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I don't think comedy's really been affected by it in a negative way. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'd say the downloads and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| I think it helps us. | ||
| I think it makes people want to come see us live. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| I think for artists, I think it's switched to a live performance model for rather music artists. | ||
| But for porn, man, what are they going to do? | ||
| Fuck live? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe that's what they should do. | |
| Maybe they should have live fuck shows. | ||
| If this was Estonia, yeah, they would be doing it. | ||
| Why don't they do it anyway? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Have a live fuck show. | ||
| Why can't, like, wouldn't you pay money to go see Dana D'Armand fuck, Brian? | ||
| They do live fuck shows. | ||
| They have sex shows all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where? | |
| The guy in Columbus was telling me that... | ||
| No, no, no, but legal. | ||
| Yeah, that's like a pit bull fight somewhere in someone's basement. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright, now that we've deemed who the champion rooster is... | ||
| Some guy with a hot chick in his arm holding up a gold bar. | ||
| I got my money on... | ||
| I think they have that, though, in San Francisco, legally. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| They used to have that theater. | ||
| Mitchell Brothers. | ||
| They do things there. | ||
| They would spit on dildos and shove them in you. | ||
| And pee in gloves. | ||
| Either way, man, I can't thank you enough for having me on. | ||
| Please, man, you're awesome. | ||
| I love talking to you. | ||
| I love talking to you, too, man. | ||
| Please let us promote your gigs. | ||
| If you have gigs coming up, people want to know about them, and I want to tell them, so let me know anytime you're anywhere. | ||
| I guarantee you, all these people on Twitter, they're saying yes, yes, yes to that right now. | ||
| Well, I'll be in San Diego, but when I get back to LA, if you're doing anything around town, let me know, because I want to come out and just... | ||
| You know, five minutes. | ||
| I just want to hang out. | ||
| Okay, well, we'll do it. | ||
| Listen, when are you going to be back here again? | ||
| We'll schedule a show here at the Ice House. | ||
| Okay, I'll be here through the whole, whatever. | ||
| We'll work it out, dude. | ||
| We will work it out. | ||
| It'll be good. | ||
| Who doesn't want to come in on air, ladies and gentlemen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no. | |
| It's like, I don't even have a schedule here. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, we got a crazy week coming up. | ||
| Let me tell you about the dude we got tomorrow. | ||
| Oh, I can't wait. | ||
| He's a robotics guy. | ||
| He has a bunch of books about robots pretty much taking over the world and stuff like that. | ||
| From porn to robotics, wow. | ||
| Robotpocalypse, I think. | ||
| Robopocalypse is... | ||
| Let me get his information here. | ||
| He's Daniel Wilson. | ||
| He's a young guy and he's got a PhD in robotics. | ||
| And he wrote Robo-pocalypse, which is a novel about a robotic insurrection against men. | ||
| Basically like a Terminator type movie that Steven Spielberg is going to turn into a movie. | ||
| But he's a technology expert. | ||
| We're going to talk about military robots, privacy issues, artificial intelligence, the future on how long until we start incorporating robotics technology into our own bodies. | ||
| It's gonna get freaky! | ||
| So that's tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| And then we'll probably do Eddie Bravo on Wednesday. | ||
| It's all about when I can set up this. | ||
| I'm having some work done at the studio. | ||
| So thank you to Matt Staggs, the official Death Squad publicist, for hooking this up. | ||
| He's a very cool motherfucker. | ||
| And the host of the Disinfo podcast as well. | ||
| Publicist, author, very cool guy, Matt Staggs. | ||
| Is he an author? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's an author of emails. | ||
| His emails are very well written. | ||
| Thanks to Dave Attell, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Follow him on Twitter. | ||
| Attell. | ||
| A-T-T-E-L-L on Twitter. | ||
| It's at Attell. | ||
| At Attell. | ||
| Or Dave's old porn. | ||
| Or just old porn on Twitter. | ||
| But most importantly, Attell. | ||
| Send him some love, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Let him know you love him. | ||
| The guys... | ||
| He's at old porn. | ||
| His show is fantastic. | ||
| It's a really, really funny show. | ||
| I enjoyed doing it. | ||
| It was fucking really fun. | ||
| Thursday. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Showtime. | ||
| This Thursday on Showtime. | ||
| Ting. | ||
| Thank you to Ting for sponsoring our podcast. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com and save $50 off any of the Android devices. | ||
| Some badass phones there. | ||
| No contracts. | ||
| Cancel anytime you want. | ||
| Tell the big boys, these big networks to go, fuck themselves, goddammit. | ||
| So this weekend we will see you in Montreal. | ||
| That shit is sold out, you dirty bitches. | ||
| But there is a Death Squad show. | ||
| Is it here? | ||
| Friday night? | ||
| Friday night here and then 12-12-12 at the American Comedy Co. | ||
| in San Diego. | ||
| And who is it here? | ||
| Who's here? | ||
| I don't know yet. | ||
| I'm putting it together right now. | ||
| Okay, in 12-12-12, I will likely be there for that, but we don't know yet. | ||
| I got a lot of shit going on. | ||
| Bitches, I'm busy, yo. | ||
| Thanks to Onnit.com, go to O-N-N-I-T and use the code name ROGAN and you will save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| If you use the code word SANDY, we will take that 10% and donate it to Hurricane Relief. | ||
| We decided to go with the Salvation Army because we find that in this instance, they are giving 100% of the donations to Hurricane Relief, whereas some of them it gets down to as low as like 30%. | ||
| That's kind of important, like how much of your money actually goes to the, not to the infrastructure of the charity, but actually goes to help. | ||
| Hire-primate.com is my t-shirt company. | ||
| There's new t-shirts in. | ||
| This is the... | ||
| The Monkey Gas Mask Chimp. | ||
| By Mike Maxwell. | ||
| Yeah, Mike Maxwell did some badass artwork on this. | ||
| It's his higher primary department of health and welfare. | ||
| And we also have another new one that he just designed that's fucking amazing. | ||
| I can't wait until that one gets released. | ||
| And a couple of shirts that he designed that were based on posters for a Chicago gig and Atlanta gig with Joey Diaz and Duncan Trussell. | ||
| Alright, I talk too much. | ||
| It's official. | ||
| I'm tired of hearing my own fucking voice, goddammit! | ||
| Mad love to all you ladies and gentlemen out there in the Twitterverse, in the universe. | ||
| We appreciate the fuck out of every one of you. | ||
| All the positive tweets and all the cool people that we meet after shows. | ||
| It's humbling, it's overwhelming, and we never get tired of it. | ||
| We appreciate the fuck out of all of you, and we're doing this for you guys, officially. | ||
| We will never stop. | ||
| We will roll on. | ||
| We will get through this together. | ||
| Rise, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Rise and evolve. | ||
| You are not the person you were yesterday. | ||
| You are an accumulation of your experiences. | ||
| Be the hero in your own life. | ||
| I love all you bitches. |
Export Selection