Oct. 31, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:43:05
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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*Pewds* *Pewds* *Pewds* Duncan Trussell has a falcon on his cock. | |
| Right here. | ||
|
unidentified
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Ah! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast has begun, bitches. | ||
| We are brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| O-N-N-I. I didn't really enunciate the O correctly. | ||
| Did you notice that? | ||
| I was going to skip over it. | ||
| But I just had to admit, I got some slobber. | ||
| My tongue miscalculated. | ||
| That's a frustrating thing. | ||
| When your tongue miscalculates and a word comes out wrong and you feel like a fucking loser. | ||
| Especially when it happens on stage. | ||
| Oh, that will throw you off, won't it? | ||
| Yeah, and it can happen in the middle of an awesome punchline, and even though the punchline still makes sense, people are like, eh, nope. | ||
| Just because you stumbled! | ||
|
unidentified
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The cruel nature of this business. | |
| Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, makers of AlphaBrain. | ||
| We all took AlphaBrain right before the show, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| People say, hey, Joe Rogan, do you really take all this shit? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| I would not sell it if I did not take it. | ||
| It's really hard to keep it in your butt, too. | ||
| Yeah, you can't put these in your butt, because they're made out of gelatin, and then you have gelatin coming out of your butt, for real. | ||
| They just fall right out. | ||
| I don't think your butt absorbs it the way your mouth does. | ||
| If you broke the powder down, if you took the capsules out, what is these? | ||
| They make vegetarian capsules, too, which I don't understand. | ||
| I guess it's like, you can make a gelatin out of a Vegetarian stuff? | ||
| What the fuck are those outside of the pill made of? | ||
| Isn't that like a concern with some people? | ||
| Like they don't like swallowing pills because they don't want to eat all that gelatin? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| But gelatin's good for you. | ||
| Like jello is awesome for you. | ||
| Well, isn't it the vegans don't want to eat it because it comes from hoofs? | ||
| Oh, those weak-ass bitches! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Not all of them, Rich Roll. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I love you, Mac Danzig. | ||
| You guys are my favorite vegans of all time. | ||
| Oh, and by the way, Mac Danzig has his own podcast now. | ||
| And his first guest was, I believe, Gray Maynard. | ||
| He might have sent me an email that I need to go and review here. | ||
| But I would like to promote it because Mac is a very cool guy and a very intelligent and interesting guy. | ||
| And I think that his podcast would be badass. | ||
| Luke Rockhold, who's another interesting cat. | ||
| So it's Luke Rockhold, Gray Maynard, and Mac Danzig together for a podcast. | ||
| So I don't know where you would get that, but if you go to Mac Danzig's Twitter, which is MacDanzigMMA, go and check it out. | ||
| Very, very cool guy, Mac Danzig. | ||
| And one of the nicest vegans you'll ever want to meet. | ||
| And he can eat our hemp force protein powder. | ||
| Do you know why? | ||
| Because it's totally vegan. | ||
| Super fucking healthy for you. | ||
| Onnit makes the best tasting protein powder on earth. | ||
| This shit is expensive. | ||
| And here's one of the big reasons why it's expensive. | ||
| We can't grow hemp in the United States of America, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| We can grow it in Canada and buy it and then bring it to America, but you cannot grow it in America. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Because we are really retarded. | ||
| In 2012, the year 2012. | ||
| But when I say retarded, by the way, I'm not going to stop saying that, you fucking oversensitive twats. | ||
| You annoying pains in the asses. | ||
| Don't say retarded. | ||
| I can't believe you used the word retarded. | ||
| Retarded is not a medical designation or distinction. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It means retard or slow or like too slow to catch up. | ||
| Annoyingly slow, retarded, get it? | ||
| You know what it means. | ||
| Doesn't mean someone has Down Syndrome, goddammit. | ||
| It doesn't mean someone has some sort of a chromosome disease. | ||
| It means you're fucking retarded. | ||
| And if hemp is illegal in 2012, that's all it is. | ||
| It's fucking retarded. | ||
| It makes no sense whatsoever. | ||
| Not even a little bit. | ||
| 100% non-psychoactive. | ||
| You will not test positive for it. | ||
| If you have a drug test coming up, they'll tell you you have to not eat poppy seed bagels. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because they'll test positive for heroin. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| But you will not test positive for marijuana if you eat all the hemp forest protein powder in the world. | ||
| We can only buy 50 pounds of this shit a day in Canada. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazingly stupid. | ||
| And by the way, the federal government stepped in because Vermont passed a law allowing them to grow hemp. | ||
| Farmers! | ||
| For jobs for farmers, folks. | ||
| And a real, legitimate product. | ||
| I mean, it's not a backdoor to get marijuana legalized. | ||
| It has absolutely nothing to do with it. | ||
| This is just focused on hemp as a commodity. | ||
| Hemp makes superior paper. | ||
| Hemp makes superior cloth. | ||
| It's much more durable than cotton cloth. | ||
| Hemp has essential fatty acids. | ||
| You can eat it. | ||
| It's high in protein. | ||
| You can fuel fucking cars with it. | ||
| In fact, you can make hemp boards to build houses, and you can make hemp parts to build fucking cars, and it's far stronger than steel, and it's lighter in weight. | ||
| You know how Corvettes are made out of fiberglass? | ||
| Well, Lotus made a hemp car. | ||
| Henry Ford's first car that he ever made, the panels were made out of hemp fiber. | ||
| This sounds ridiculous. | ||
| It sounds like at some point in time I must be making this up. | ||
| There's got to be some negative side of this why this shit is legal. | ||
| But there's not. | ||
| There's no negative side of it. | ||
| None. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| Zilch. | ||
| It's healthy. | ||
| It's an excellent plant, and we're being robbed. | ||
| We're literally being robbed by pharmaceutical companies, by chemical companies, by anybody that would want to keep... | ||
| Enough, fella. | ||
| ...by anybody that would want to keep hemp illegal. | ||
| It's fucking maddening and frustrating, but you can buy it. | ||
| You can still buy it. | ||
| Go to onnit.com. | ||
| You can buy our hemp forest protein powder. | ||
| It's the shit. | ||
| It's got maca in it and raw cocoa, and it's fucking delicious. | ||
| Does maca It doesn't give you a rush. | ||
| It's supposed to. | ||
| When I take Macca, it gives me like a three cups of coffee kind of weird buzz. | ||
| It's supposed to give you a bit of a hard-on as well. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Right away. | ||
| Yeah, it's supposed to be very stimulating for the system. | ||
| Get your old fucking cannon fired up. | ||
| Nothing like drinking a smoothie and then looking down. | ||
| You've got a hard cock. | ||
| Hey, have you guys heard of Hot Rod 5000? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a natural supplement that you can take that's extracted from ants and a bunch of fucking other natural shit that just gives you these crazy boners. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Like Tebe was telling me about it. | ||
| It was just amazing, he said. | ||
| He took it by mistake. | ||
| I can't see Tebe with a crazy boner. | ||
| I could see him with like a whiny boner. | ||
| No way! | ||
| Have you not followed Teeb on Instagram? | ||
| It's all shots of his six-pack belly and fucking... | ||
| He's like a cheetah. | ||
| A male cheetah. | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| Is he trying to get some pussies? | ||
| Dude, he's pimping. | ||
| He's rocking his 40-year-old body. | ||
| He's got a Bruce Lee. | ||
| He's got a Bruce Lee. | ||
| Weird Bruce Lee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Chicks dig it? | ||
| Yeah, when you don't eat much, get skinny. | ||
| That dude should do action movies. | ||
| He could. | ||
| He should be an action star. | ||
| Could he be the next Dexter? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Totally that. | ||
| He could definitely be the kind of bedraggled detective that's kind of disillusioned with a force, but ends up... | ||
| Like Die Hard in space. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You guys are obviously higher than I am. | ||
| There's no other explanation for this. | ||
| Onnit.com, we also carry kettlebells, the finest kettlebells you can get, highest quality. | ||
| They will last you a lifetime. | ||
| We sell them. | ||
| We sell everything we sell as cheap as we possibly can sell. | ||
| We just started selling Blendtec blenders. | ||
| We literally sell them for $200 less than the manufactured suggested retail price. | ||
| It's actually more than $200 less. | ||
| We try to sell things as the best shit as cheaply as possible. | ||
| This Blendtec blender is fucking badass. | ||
| I got a Blendtec. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| And when you get it, if you buy it from Onnit, you also get a free container of Hemp Force protein powder with your order. | ||
| The Blendtec, I started using it to make that bulletproof coffee, too. | ||
| Because the Vitamix, you've got to push it down with a stick. | ||
| Yeah, it's too crude and stupid. | ||
| Blendtec sucks it in. | ||
| Yeah, Blendtec is better. | ||
| I used the Vitamix for a while. | ||
| It's just more mechanical. | ||
| It only has two speeds and you shove the thing in there. | ||
| But Blendtec does it all for you. | ||
| And it pulses it where it slows the cutters down so that the stuff settles and then it kicks it back up again. | ||
| They have it down to a science. | ||
| And I use it for my kale shakes. | ||
| I use it to make bulletproof coffee. | ||
| So we're selling that stuff as well. | ||
| When I get stoned and make a smoothie with my Blendtec... | ||
| It scares me. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's so powerful, it feels like it's going to blow up. | |
| I feel like, I don't know if I should put my hand over the top or get away from it, because it seems, it's really dangerous. | ||
| You've seen when they blended, we showed it on the podcast. | ||
| Before we ever got involved with Blendtec, we actually were just randomly talking about blenders on the podcast to make smoothies with. | ||
| We had no business affiliation with them, and we started pulling up these videos with Blendtec where they were blending up iPhones. | ||
| We take an iPhone and turn it into fucking dust. | ||
| And we're like, whoa! | ||
| That's metal! | ||
| There's metal in that! | ||
| And glass! | ||
| It just destroys it. | ||
| I'll just... | ||
| I make... | ||
| This sounds like we're doing... | ||
| This isn't a commercial. | ||
| I'm not sponsored by Blendtec in any way. | ||
| I eat Blendtec-made smoothies. | ||
| But you can pour... | ||
| Sometimes I'll go to the farmer's market and just throw in random vegetables. | ||
| You just throw everything in, blend it, and it heats it up, too. | ||
| Because the... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what that effect is. | ||
| Because it's going so fast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I do vodka, orange, and ice cubes. | ||
| Yeah, that works too. | ||
| You can totally use it to make alcohol shit. | ||
| It's great for making mistakes. | ||
| It's just an awesome blender. | ||
| You could use it to get rid of a body. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| You could blend up a corpse. | ||
| You need pigs for that. | ||
| Did you hear about the guy in Oregon a couple weeks ago? | ||
| He fell on his pigs. | ||
| He fell on his pigs and he just chewed his ass up. | ||
| That's the next thing I'm hunting. | ||
| I want to hunt some wild pigs. | ||
| They have a real problem in Texas, man. | ||
| I could get into that. | ||
| You can get into pig hunting? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's what we're doing. | ||
| We're going pig hunting. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| The intense part is butchering it. | ||
| That's when it's going to get intense. | ||
| Onnit.com. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. We also have Shroom Tech Sport, which I should have taken with me on my crazy hunt in Montana because I could have used it going up those hills. | ||
| Shroom Tech Sport is fucking fantastic if you're involved in anything that involves endurance. | ||
| I love it for jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I do it before I have my kettlebell workouts or anything like that. | ||
| Shroom Tech is an incredible supplement made from the cordyceps mushroom, and it's just shown to aid in your body's optimization of oxygen. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| It gives you a real legitimate endurance boost. | ||
| And it's also great for people that go into high-altitude places. | ||
| It helps you to adapt to the altitude quicker. | ||
| If you go from sea level up to 8,500, 9,000 feet, sometimes people can get sick. | ||
| We've had many people tell us that they took ShroomTech for this very reason and that it really helped them and minimized their problems in shifting to the higher altitude. | ||
| Shroom Tech, we also have New Mood, which is a 5-HTP and L-tryptophan supplement. | ||
| And it's called New Mood because it literally enhances your mood. | ||
| It's all the building blocks for serotonin, including L-tryptophan, which converts to 5-HTP, and 5-HTP converts to serotonin. | ||
| So there's a bit of a time-released factor in there as well. | ||
| And it's a really excellent supplement. | ||
| And one that I suggest, I mean, I think everybody could be a little happier. | ||
| Everybody could use a little bit more serotonin in your life and make you a nicer fucking person. | ||
| So New Mood is, again, one of my favorite supplements. | ||
| If you use the code name ROGAN, you'll save 10% off any and all supplements from Onnit. | ||
| The other stuff like the blenders and the kettlebells, we sell that as cheap as we possibly can. | ||
| And we will continue to sell you the best shit as cheap as possible. | ||
| And when you order pills, if you order any of the vitamins or supplements, your first 30 days, or first 30 pills rather, I fuck that up every time. | ||
| It's like you say 30 and you have to say days. | ||
| It's like for whatever reason, we're locked into this idea. | ||
| First 30 pills when you order one of these fucking things right in front of my hand. | ||
| Try it. | ||
| You don't like it. | ||
| There's a 100% money back guarantee. | ||
| You don't even have to return the product. | ||
| We're just trying to sell you the best nutritional supplements possible. | ||
| And all shit that I use. | ||
| No one's trying to rip you off. | ||
| And if you use the code name Rogan, again, you'll get 10% off. | ||
| Go to deathsquad.tv and pick yourself up some groovy, psychedelic cat shirts designed and created by our very own Brian Redband. | ||
| And all the proceeds go to him and the Death Squad Podcast Network, which now features Kevin Pereira. | ||
| Yes, our friend Kevin from Attack of the Show has a new badass podcast on the Death Squad Network called Pointless. | ||
| And he is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Did you listen to that last one? | ||
| I did not listen, but he's one of my favorite guests ever that we have on this podcast. | ||
| He's such a smart dude and cool and righteous, and he's just legit all around. | ||
| I really love that dude, and I'm so happy that he's a part of the Death Squad Podcast Network. | ||
| My new t-shirts at Hire-Primate.com are in, so go and check that out. | ||
| We have three new designs, including two with Duncan Trussell from the Tabernacle, the poster from the Tabernacle that Mike Maxwell did, and the poster from Chicago. | ||
| The Chicago Theater, also with Duncan and Joey Diaz. | ||
| And the Tabernacle was the one where I filmed my last special, and that, yeah, that is coming out, I swear to God. | ||
| We were just waiting for the website to get designed. | ||
| There's a lot of CGI, I bet. | ||
| This is just about the website. | ||
| The website is being redesigned, and that shit takes a long time. | ||
| I hired an actual real professional to do it this time. | ||
| Let's see if it turns out to be a disaster. | ||
| Anyway, hire-primemate.com. | ||
| Duncan Trussell is here. | ||
| Strap yourself in, you dirty, dirty bitches. | ||
| We're fixing to get the party started. | ||
|
unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| San Francisco, Brian Redman, Greg Fitzsimmons, and I are at the Knob Hill Masonic Auditorium. | ||
| And I've gotten more than one email from really dumb people who think that because I am playing at the Masonic Auditorium, it just proves that I am a New World Order shill. | ||
| You're a reptile, dude. | ||
| You follow the Lightbringer, Lord Lucifer. | ||
| I am a part of the Masonic... | ||
| What do they call themselves? | ||
| Brotherhood? | ||
|
unidentified
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Plague. | |
| They're a fraternity. | ||
| A fraternity. | ||
| I'm part of the Masonic fraternity, and I'm in with the New World Order because I'm playing at the Knob Hill Masonic Auditorium. | ||
| You know what a Mason told me once? | ||
| He said that what it's all about is that math or geometry is the first language of the universe. | ||
| It's like the first language of God. | ||
| And so, like... | ||
| They're super into sacred geometry. | ||
| That's a big thing. | ||
| And the whole thing's based on building the Temple of Solomon, which is where you house the Ark of the Covenant. | ||
| It's all symbolic, of course, but the new Temple of Solomon that they're trying to build, according to the conspiracy theorists, is society. | ||
| Like, this is it. | ||
| Like, society is the new Temple of Solomon, and part of that was getting the United States Revolution to happen, because they helped fund that. | ||
| And also, fucking D.C., the street layout of D.C. is all Masonic symbols, and that goddamn obelisk popping up out of the middle of fucking D.C., that weird thing, and it's all over our fucking money. | ||
| So yeah, Joe, we are worried about you. | ||
| Are you dabbling? | ||
| There is something going on behind the scenes, right? | ||
| I mean, it's clear. | ||
| If you look at the design of Washington, D.C. And folks, you really should look this up online because it's not something that... | ||
| It's irrefutable. | ||
| The grid, the way they've lined up the streets, the way they put the buildings and everything. | ||
| I mean, it literally is Masonic symbols. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And it's all over our fucking money, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, what's up with that fucking all-seeing eye on top of the pyramid? | ||
| Just an eye on top of a pyramid. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| The United States, in its long love affair with Egypt, think how the Egyptians helped form our constitution. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| No one thinks about that shit. | ||
| That's what's so fun about the occult, you know, because the word occult itself means hidden, but it's like hidden in plain view. | ||
| Because this shit's in front of everybody. | ||
| Like all the people who deny conspiracy theories and stuff in their wallet. | ||
| Or fucking rectangles covered in Egyptian occult symbology that they don't even think about. | ||
| Yeah, and for folks who don't know, what the symbols are in Washington, D.C., the way it's set up, is one of them is a Lucifer upside-down pentagram. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I mean, so the horns stick up in the air. | ||
| I mean, that's there. | ||
| I mean, they did design this. | ||
| They really did design the streets like this. | ||
| And the other one is like that Masonic symbol that looks like a measuring device. | ||
| Yeah, that means a lot. | ||
| But yeah, that's why they like that, because what they're trying to do is to sort of articulate the primary, the very first way that the universe forms, which is through geometry or through a cascade of specific physical laws that are based on math. | ||
| It's super fucking cool, man. | ||
| That's what Masons are? | ||
| Well, that's what a Mason told me at a wedding. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's drunk, too. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I met a drunk Mason at a show at the Laugh Factory in Houston. | ||
| He was showing me his Mason IDs and shit. | ||
| And I'm like, what the fuck is being a Mason? | ||
| What do you guys do? | ||
| He's like, oh man, it's just secret society, you know? | ||
| Hung out together. | ||
| Yeah, hang out together. | ||
| We do rituals where you come out of a fucking coffin. | ||
| I know that happens. | ||
| Okay, but how much power do you really think they have wield, try to use? | ||
| Is there really anything to what they're doing, or is being a mason just fun? | ||
| It's like being an Elks Lodge member. | ||
| I've heard there's many different levels of the thing, and I imagine that a lot of Masons are probably in politics. | ||
| And when you're in a fraternity and you're in politics, you're probably going to pay deference to other people in your fraternity when it comes to working together to make laws happen or whatever you're up to. | ||
| So a lot of people say it's a waning population, that the Masons are kind of like dying out because fewer young people are signing up because they don't recruit. | ||
| So to become a Mason, you have to ask a Mason. | ||
| So you have to go to the Masonic Lodge and be like, I want to become a Freemason. | ||
| And then they do background checks on you and stuff. | ||
| Should we become Masons? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes! | |
| Let's do it! | ||
| I think it'd be a blast. | ||
| What do you think is good about being a mason? | ||
| I think ceremony is... | ||
| People are going nuts right now in front of their computer. | ||
|
unidentified
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These fucking shills! | |
| These fucking New World Order shills! | ||
| Where is the Alex Jones hotline number? | ||
|
unidentified
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I need to call him right... | |
| Joe Rogan has publicly admitted on his show that he is a mason! | ||
| He has Duncan Trussell on who talks about how wonderful it is to be a Mason and spreading propaganda and disinformation about Masons being about geometry. | ||
| They're about control! | ||
| They're about taking your soul! | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, and I'm not going to stand for it! | ||
| Well, man, I don't know. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I think ceremony is something that is missing from a lot of people's lives in our culture because it's so goddamn weird. | ||
| Sounds like someone wants to get married. | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| Yeah, someone wants to get married. | ||
| Well, that is definitely a ceremony, but there's a lot of other ceremonies, too, that aren't quite so based on stupid shit. | ||
| But they are psychedelic, man. | ||
| I read this somewhere. | ||
| I don't remember who said it, but it was an interesting point, which is that a rock show is a ceremony in the sense that you're going to watch people on stage, doing songs, which are a kind of chant that everyone already knows, and you're taking psychedelics to go enjoy this thing. | ||
| So it's like that Jungian idea that there's just certain basic things that tend to repeat through all different cultures. | ||
| And the way it's repeated in our culture is more through, "I'm going to go see a rock And dress in a certain way and take a psychedelic and trip out and have a kind of transcendent experience that comes through the music. | ||
| But it used to be like there's more formal versions of that idea, which is like you take a psychedelic and then you do a series of like intonations or whatever the fuck it is, depending on what religion or cult you're in. | ||
| And that creates a kind of transcendent connective experience, which I think is fucking awesome. | ||
| And it's fun to just watch, regardless of whether or not you believe in what that religion or ritual is trying to invoke, it's just cool to watch that form of dance and movement happen. | ||
| It's a funny way of putting it, because most people would never think of ceremony that way. | ||
| And I think what a lot of these people that are freaking out about Masons and all this... | ||
| I think people are nervous about any group that moves in secrecy. | ||
| That was one of the Kennedy speeches. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Secret societies. | ||
| It should not be tolerated. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| I don't remember what the... | ||
| The actual speech was, but I wonder what that was in reference to. | ||
| Brian, see if you can pull that up. | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| It's Kennedy on Secret Societies. | ||
| You have a laser in the middle of your forehead. | ||
| It's so crazy looking. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It keeps popping. | ||
| It's like right on your third eye. | ||
| Not the fact that I'm wearing sunglasses and dressed in a NASA outfit. | ||
| No, that's... | ||
| Wait, what's going on? | ||
| What? | ||
| Where are we? | ||
| Mom? | ||
| Is that you? | ||
| I was tripping out. | ||
| Kennedy on Secret Societies. | ||
| Pull up the video. | ||
| Kennedy on Secret Societies. | ||
| You know, I think we learned a lot from those early presidents before they learned how to shut them up. | ||
| You know, when Eisenhower was talking about the military-industrial complex and giving that speech. | ||
| I'll never fucking forget that speech. | ||
| Not that I saw it when it happened. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| The very word secrecy is repugnant in a free and open society. | ||
| And we are, as a people, inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths, and to secret proceedings. | ||
| We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweighed the dangers which are cited to justify it. | ||
| Even today, There is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. | ||
| Even today, there is little value in ensuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it. | ||
| And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning To the very limits of official censorship and concealment. | ||
| That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it's in my control. | ||
| And no official of my administration, whether his rank is high or low, civilian or military, should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes, or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to know. | ||
| For we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covet means for expanding its sphere of influence, on infiltration instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day. | ||
| It is a system which has conscripted Vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine that combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic, scientific, and political operations. | ||
| Its preparations are concealed, not published. | ||
| Its mistakes are buried, not headlined. | ||
| Its dissenters are silenced, not praised. | ||
| No expenditure is questioned. | ||
| No rumor is printed. | ||
| No secret is revealed. | ||
| No president should fear public scrutiny of his program. | ||
| For from that scrutiny comes understanding. | ||
| And from that understanding comes support or opposition. | ||
| And both are necessary. | ||
| I am not asking your newspapers to support an administration. | ||
| But I am asking your help in the tremendous task of informing and alerting the American people. | ||
| For I have complete confidence in the response and dedication of our citizens, Whenever they are fully informed. | ||
| That's a scary fucking video. | ||
| You know what's scary about that video is that that guy got murdered. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta start wearing a fucking helmet if you're gonna give a speech like that. | ||
| What do you think it's like to actually be the president? | ||
| Do you think that you just immediately meet with bankers and financiers and they just establish your agenda, like, right off the bat? | ||
| I mean, it's pretty obvious that he was warning us about some shit that he was encountering. | ||
| You know, he was the president. | ||
| Yeah, I think he was sort of experiencing the growth of the CIA. The CIA was starting to turn into this monster that they couldn't control anymore. | ||
| It was starting to expand and stretch out and doing that thing that big organizations do where they try to keep themselves alive by making up shit. | ||
| You know, that thing where like they're not necessary anymore but it doesn't matter. | ||
| They just want the power. | ||
| Yeah, that's what people don't understand. | ||
| When you start talking about the government, you start talking about like, well, what's the government? | ||
| You know, the government is going to be either Mitt Romney or Barack Obama. | ||
| Yeah, not so much. | ||
| There's a whole secret government. | ||
| There's a whole CIA thing that doesn't have to report to anybody, can basically do whatever the fuck it wants, changes laws. | ||
| That's the real government now, and that's just like exactly what our founding fathers were trying to avoid. | ||
| There's a great book called Acid Dreams that I'm reading which is about the CIA and how they were the ones who got LSD and they're the ones who... | ||
| The CIA basically started the psychedelic revolution of the 60s or was part of the start of that because they started doing LSD tests on college kids. | ||
| And so they're the ones who got it into our society and it's a fascinating read because LSD, whenever it gets into whatever group it gets into, It's such a potent chemical, it starts transforming the group and changing the way the group thinks. | ||
| So a lot of people in the CIA who are taking LSD, because that was part of the deal, is they would dose their agents to get them ready for the eventuality of potentially being given a truth serum or some kind of psychedelic brew. | ||
| So you would go to work as an agent and all of a sudden just start fucking tripping, because they dosed your drink. | ||
| You know who was a part of the Harvard LSD experiments? | ||
| Who? | ||
| Ted Kaczynski. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The Unabomber. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They fried that dude's brain. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| They fried that dude's brain and made him see the eventual takeover by technology. | ||
| He was terrified of the takeover of technology of the human race. | ||
| And he really, literally felt like he was protecting the human race by murdering people who were innovators. | ||
| Imagine having... | ||
| A hardcore psychedelic experience on Sandoz LSD straight from fucking Albert Hoffman's sneaker just juiced out of his socks into vials and sent to the CIA. Imagine having that trip, but you're a CIA agent. | ||
| You work in one of the most covert organizations on earth with people who are trained to kill and poison and take cyanide pills if they have to. | ||
| To death pills. | ||
| Imagine being tripping in that kind of environment. | ||
| That's fucking insane, man. | ||
| That would be the worst trip. | ||
| And in this book, it talks about one of these agents, like, ended up committing suicide. | ||
| Because his mind just couldn't handle what it was like to be part of that web of insanity. | ||
| And the Senate did trials with the CIA for these ridiculous experiments that they were doing. | ||
| Some of which involved... | ||
| Did I tell you about the sleeping room? | ||
| Did I tell you about this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| So they would go into, they were doing this shit at mental health facilities and insane asylums. | ||
| And what they would do is they would take people and they would drug them, they would put them into an induced coma For a month straight. | ||
| It was called the sleeping room. | ||
| They would put you in an induced coma for a month straight and have headphones on and try to reprogram who you were as a person. | ||
| To wipe your fucking identity or replace your identity with some new thing. | ||
| Because if you can do that, then you create this wonderful fucking operative. | ||
| You get to just make a person. | ||
| Get rid of all that... | ||
| Pesky fucking memories of their parents and whatever the fuck they think they are. | ||
| And they can do this chemically? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, no, no, no. | |
| This shit got shut down because it's so unethical. | ||
| But where it gets weird, and we talked about this on the phone, is in Guantanamo Bay... | ||
| They've been giving people six times the appropriate dose of larium, which is this medication that you give people for malaria that has negative psychoactive effects. | ||
| Specifically, it gives people amnesia. | ||
| My friend just fucking wrote a book on getting amnesia in India. | ||
| He wrote a book called The Answer to the Riddle is Me. | ||
| His name's David McClain, but he went to India, took larium, Which is a drug that is illegal in some countries. | ||
| It's a drug that came from a partnership between, what's that big pharmaceutical company, Hoffman, De La Roche, or whatever the fuck the name is, and the military made this shit to fight larium, and larium sits in your liver. | ||
| But sometimes it crosses the blood-brain barrier, and when that happens, it mouth-fucks your brain. | ||
| It just mouth-fucks your brain. | ||
| So you start having these shitty fucking dreams, and then if it really goes wrong, you can have what happened to my friend, which is complete and absolute amnesia. | ||
| No memory of who you are, no memory of where you are, how you got there, who your family is, anything. | ||
| No memory of anything. | ||
| This happened to him in a fucking train station in India, where he said that they would have English, which he could understand on the TVs, and then it would switch to Hindi, it would switch to other languages, and he thought when it switched to other languages, he was hallucinating, and the English was warping and turning into something else. | ||
| He didn't even know that these were other languages. | ||
| That's how gone he was. | ||
| He decked a fucking nurse, dude. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| He decked a nurse. | ||
| He was strapped down. | ||
| Male nurse or female nurse? | ||
| Female nurse. | ||
| He was strapped down in a fucking bed in an insane asylum in India. | ||
| He said that Jim Henson, he hallucinated Jim Henson, taking him on a tour of the universe. | ||
| The stand-up? | ||
| The fucking puppet guy. | ||
| The puppet guy. | ||
| Jim Henson was God. | ||
| He hallucinated... | ||
| Oh, John Henson is the... | ||
| Yeah, not John, Jim Henson was God. | ||
| Took him on a tour of the universe and explained to him that the reason he'd taken a human incarnation and all this was happening to him is because he'd been asked a riddle before he was born and he couldn't come up with the answer to the riddle. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And because of that he had to be a human again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy shit, but the really crazy shit is they're giving these motherfuckers in Guantanamo Bay six times the dose of larium that you're supposed to be getting, and there is no malaria in Cuba. | ||
| It's called chemical waterboarding. | ||
| Look it up. | ||
| It's fucking nuts. | ||
| It's like chemical waterboarding. | ||
| You just get these bastards, scoop them up from Afghanistan, blindfold them, fly them to fucking Cuba, blast them with larium until they have no idea who they are, and they'll fucking tell you anything, man. | ||
| Isn't it incredible what they're allowed to do legally, like with this Bradley Manning guy, the guy who got this WikiLeaks situation, he's the one, the soldier that released all the documents. | ||
| They've had this guy in solitary confinement for years now. | ||
| Like, he hasn't talked to people. | ||
| He hasn't seen anything. | ||
| He sleeps with the lights on. | ||
| Like, he's probably completely insane by this point. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Like, to be without any human interaction... | ||
| Joe, it's you laying on a... | ||
| See, Joe? | ||
| That's you in the future! | ||
| That is so not me. | ||
| And there's you, like, with your cap backwards from, like, ten years ago. | ||
| Pharmacological waterboarding. | ||
| Yeah, pharmacological waterboarding. | ||
| Get those fucking neurons all blasted with larium. | ||
| Tell them they're Satan. | ||
| You can tell them anything. | ||
| You can tell them they're crabs that came out of hell. | ||
| So fucking freaky that that's us. | ||
| Remember we used to think that when we were kids, that was what the Soviet Union did. | ||
| They were cruel, like the way they bred that Drago in Rocky IV. Like, oh look, they're so cruel and cold. | ||
| The Soviet Union does these horrible things. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And now we're doing that shit. | ||
| And it is that funny thing where people have this idea. | ||
| They're like, yeah, you know, the United States, we've done some stuff that maybe isn't the greatest thing ever. | ||
| We've done it to protect our citizens from terror. | ||
| Or the idea that that shit that we did with injecting people with syphilis or all the other crazy shit that we've done, the idea that at some point, maybe in the 80s, everyone in the government was like, let's stop being assholes! | ||
| What were we doing? | ||
| What were we thinking? | ||
| Let's just stop doing that crazy shit. | ||
| Of course it still goes on. | ||
| Of course there's still... | ||
| The things that are going... | ||
| By the way, what do they say? | ||
| In Rivers and Politics, the lightest shit floats to the surface. | ||
| The stuff you know about is a million times less freaky than the shit you're not hearing about. | ||
| The deep level stuff. | ||
| That's the stuff you gotta wonder about, man. | ||
| Because Bradley Manning, that's a show pony. | ||
| Yeah, when you see FEMA pumping 500,000 coffins into Texas, and they have these camps set up, they have these gigantic camps set up where you're like, what is going on in here? | ||
| There's high fences and these dormitories, and there's armored fucking towers and shit, and you're like, wait a minute. | ||
| What are these rifle towers doing here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what do you have here? | ||
| Dude, there's already a room in one of those things with your fucking name on the door. | ||
| Guaranteed. | ||
| And you too, Red Band. | ||
| You guys are gonna get dragged off. | ||
| Dude, what are you talking about? | ||
| You're going. | ||
| Fuck that, dude! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got a cyanide! | |
| I'm a sports commentator. | ||
| I'll quit this job. | ||
| I got a cyanide pill in my molar. | ||
| I'm gonna snap that thing the moment they come to the door. | ||
| I'm undercover. | ||
| This, um... | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| Brian has just been a brilliant actor this whole time. | ||
| You thought it was a retard? | ||
| Brian, CIA. I've always thought that. | ||
| All this shit that's going on right now in New York with this Hurricane Sandy, to me, it's making me think of the real possibility that I never really considered of society falling apart. | ||
| Like, it really fucking could fall apart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Like this, you know, one of the things they said was this is a once in a 100 year storm. | ||
| Like it's every 100 years a storm. | ||
| They actually said after it hit that they'd never had a storm like that before. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you stop and think about it, like what, how much fucking, how much history do we have for storms? | ||
| What do we have, 300 years that's reliable? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do we even have 300 years? | ||
| I heard we have 100 years of accurate temperature measures. | ||
| I just heard this because they were talking about it on NPR. But like 100 years and after that you have to start going into ice core samples and tree rings and stuff to figure it out. | ||
| And then you can only figure out like late frosts and you get like a limited amount of information. | ||
| But like... | ||
| This could happen. | ||
| This could happen all over the fucking place. | ||
| Like, we're just lucky that for the hundred years of our lives that we haven't had more of these superstorms. | ||
| These superstorms could be a regular thing. | ||
| Well, it's, I mean, it's the, you know, the hockey stick idea? | ||
| The hockey stick, which is like you've got the regular temperature. | ||
| You have the general temperature of the earth, and that goes on for a while. | ||
| There was like an ice age in the Apparently a mini ice age in the 1800s where shit got really cold for some reason. | ||
| Maybe because of a volcano. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm not a fucking geologist. | ||
| But the hockey stick, the handle of the hockey stick, represents basic temperature for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years. | ||
| And then where we're at right now is this insane acceleration in temperature, which people call global warming. | ||
| And so some people say, well, the winters are colder, but... | ||
| The global warming people are climate change. | ||
| That's something I think the scientists who came out with this research, they feel like they shouldn't have called it global warming because it's a confusing term and when shit isn't warm, people are like, you're wrong. | ||
| It's climate change. | ||
| The idea is, if the oceans get warmer, hurricanes happen later in the season. | ||
| If hurricanes happen later in the season, then they also meet up with winter storms, which is what this motherfucker was. | ||
| It wasn't just a hurricane. | ||
| It was a hurricane meeting like a storm that's normal in October. | ||
| It's like the two coming together. | ||
| It's actually three. | ||
| Three! | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| I didn't even know that! | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| It was the hurricane combining with two other storms. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| So that kind of shit is like, you know, people are saying it's once every hundred years, but it's like, think of fucking Katrina. | ||
| Think of all the different crazy events that have been happening just in the last 10 or 15 years, man. | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| Obviously, something's going down. | ||
| And I think there is a huge possibility that people are just going to have to get used to moving away from the fucking oceans or redesigning homes to handle that shit. | ||
| While I was in Montana, we were in a place called the Badlands, and we were going down the Missouri River. | ||
| We stayed and camped mostly in this place that used to be the Great Western Inland Sea, and it was a warm water ocean. | ||
| So the floor of this area where we were hiking was all mud. | ||
| It was like a silt, because it was the bottom of the fucking ocean at one point in time, man. | ||
| And everywhere you go, as you're walking up these hills, as the ground breaks away, you find fossilized seashells. | ||
| And they could be millions of years old. | ||
| Like literally millions of years old. | ||
| Because this used to be a fucking ocean. | ||
| So it just tells us that we have to abandon this idea that we can stay wherever we want. | ||
| And that this is our home and we camp out here. | ||
| No. | ||
| When the climate changes, which it does, all over the... | ||
| It doesn't... | ||
| The Earth doesn't give a fuck if you've got something written on a piece of paper that says that this piece of Antarctica is yours. | ||
| You can't live in Antarctica, asshole. | ||
| You've got to get out of there. | ||
| At one point in time, people used to be able to live in Antarctica. | ||
| They're almost positive of it. | ||
| It's a controversial subject, but they have a detailed map of the outside, the... | ||
| Before it was covered in ice. | ||
| That's the only way they found it. | ||
| It's from the 1500s. | ||
| And they know that ice has existed in Antarctica for a lot longer than that. | ||
| So it's an old fucking map. | ||
| But at one point in time, people used to be able to go around Antarctica. | ||
| And they made a fucking map of it. | ||
| Wait, didn't people say that it was tropical there? | ||
| Could be. | ||
| Yeah, they don't know. | ||
| Look, there's parts of the world that have varied wildly. | ||
| I mean, the Nile Valley, where it's a giant desert, used to be a rainforest. | ||
| You know, we know that... | ||
| Rainforests recede into grasslands. | ||
| We know that half of North America was covered in a fucking giant glacier just 14,000 years ago. | ||
| 14,000 years ago, it was like a mile high of ice in a big part of the country. | ||
| So it's like all this stuff happens whether or not you're driving a Volvo. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| This stuff has changed radically over time. | ||
| Before any human influence at all. | ||
| So then it becomes the weird thing where people don't want to admit that we might have some part in this. | ||
| No, it's very political, and a lot of the people who are climate change deniers, as they call them, are fundamentalists. | ||
| They're very religious people. | ||
| Yeah, you're totally right. | ||
| You know, this fucking young kid who's a Marine brought it up at Jiu-Jitsu the other day. | ||
| Someone was talking about climate change. | ||
| He's like, that's a natural process. | ||
| He's stretching out. | ||
| He's like 24. I'm like, how the fuck do you know? | ||
| There's dudes out there that are studying ice samples and core samples and trying to figure out what's going on with the magnetosphere. | ||
| This 24-year-old kid's like, it's a natural cycle. | ||
| Just parroting this right-wing talk radio version of what's going on. | ||
| I think it changes, but I also think we have something to do with it. | ||
| Well, the fundamentalists have always had a real fucking problem with nature. | ||
| And so whenever people practice nature religion, like when Christianity was starting to spread, those were the people who were getting turned into fucking marshmallows. | ||
| What's called pagan just meant country dweller. | ||
| It's people who are familiar with the cycle of the moon, the equinoxes, the fucking solstices. | ||
| It's people who are connected To the harvest, which is where food comes from, and the sun, which is what makes the food grow. | ||
| So it's like really connected to the earth. | ||
| And then Christianity came around with this fucking bearded, homophobic jock who... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He wasn't a homophobe, though. | ||
| Who? | ||
| God? | ||
| Jesus? | ||
| No, I'm talking about God. | ||
| His kid was a little wild, but God was... | ||
| God didn't like it. | ||
| God didn't like it. | ||
| God does not like gays. | ||
| God, according to those people, and God certainly doesn't like people who are slurping back fucking psychedelic brews and having orgies in the forest to celebrate life. | ||
| God doesn't like those people. | ||
| And so he burns them. | ||
| They burnt all these fucking people. | ||
| Anyway, the point is, there's always a war on between these fundamentalists who want to believe that the earth is some kind of endlessly renewable resource that you can just rip into and fuck up and bomb and do whatever you want to it, and people who are like, no, this is a living organism and it's infested with these scabies-like bomb-throwing super-advanced beings that are burrowing deep, deep into its hide and sucking out its blood to fill their- Yeah. | ||
| We're feeding off the blood of the organism. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's what runs our entire society, is the blood of the earth. | ||
| And that's pretty incredible. | ||
| Pretty incredible when you really try to wrap your head around it. | ||
| That we may very well be parasites. | ||
| I mean, that's like that bit that I did at the beginning of my 2005 special, where I talked about how we're like mold on a sandwich. | ||
| Like that mold, you know, we don't think of mold as individual mold spores. | ||
| We just think of it as mold. | ||
| Well, if you looked at us from a distance, you would look at us as like mold. | ||
| We're a disease. | ||
| And then I said, we might be here to eat the sandwich. | ||
| I mean, that might be what human beings are here for. | ||
| That might be why we're so fucking nuts. | ||
| Well, see, this is the fucking thing, man. | ||
| We don't even... | ||
| We are all doing similar activities that are based almost 100% on the accessibility of that... | ||
| Sweet Texas tea! | ||
| And that shit comes from inside the earth. | ||
| And interestingly enough, that shit that we use to fuel our cars comes from an extinction event. | ||
| Which is really quite fascinating, is that we fuel our society on the... | ||
| The end result of massive changes to the planet and the pressures causing organic matter under the earth to transform into fucking oil. | ||
| It's crazy to think about that. | ||
| We fuel our cars on an ancient apocalypse that happened. | ||
| That's a fascinating thing. | ||
| Is it an ancient apocalypse or is it just the accumulation of dead bodies over time? | ||
| I think it was whatever that fucking meteor impact was that destroyed all those giant trees back then. | ||
| I don't think that's necessarily what they believe. | ||
| I think they believe that it's a continual cycle of breaking down of organic matter and converting it into oil. | ||
| And that's why they used to call it dead dinosaurs, but they don't do that anymore because they realize a lot of it is even plant matter. | ||
| No, it's everything. | ||
| Yeah, but that's also why certain wells... | ||
| Oil wells have gone dry and then actually replenished. | ||
| I don't know to the original point they were at. | ||
| There's a guy who wrote a book on it called Black Gold Stranglehold, I think it was. | ||
| And his contention was that the oil creation by the earth was just a natural product of just the cycle of the earth. | ||
| It's just like something that it does. | ||
| And that we are looking at it like it's this finite resource when it's in fact completely renewable. | ||
| Well, there's like the two schools of thoughts. | ||
| You get the peak oilers who are like, no, man, that shit is not renewable. | ||
| We're fucked. | ||
| That's going to run out and we're fucked. | ||
| Who's right? | ||
| What? | ||
| Who's right? | ||
| Goddamn, I wish I knew. | ||
| Don't fucking ask me. | ||
| I mean, just out of a sense of wanting to be optimistic and having a rosy outlook on things, I love Ray Kurzweil. | ||
| I love the idea that technology is going to advance to a point where We are able to fix so many of these problems. | ||
| I tend to fall into that camp. | ||
| Like my friend Johnny Pemberton, he's not so much, and we always get into arguments over this, because he's like, no, it's just going to fucking... | ||
| Society's on the brink of collapse. | ||
| It's going to collapse. | ||
| Fuck your technology. | ||
| Motherboards are made of fucking petroleum products. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| There's not enough time, even if we started producing solar panels now, based on the amount of... | ||
| But his version of it is based on the peak oil version. | ||
| Yes, that's the peak oil story. | ||
| And his version is also based on, it's sort of discounting the impact of the exponential growth of technology that eventually someone will come up with a way to convert it. | ||
| I mean, they've got bacteria now that eats plastic. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They can turn water into hydrogen and use it for fuel. | ||
| There's a lot of crazy shit that's going on right now. | ||
| You can't totally, completely discount that. | ||
| Well, I think this simulation theory stuff that I know you guys probably talk about on the show a lot and I endlessly think about... | ||
| Endlessly. | ||
| I think that if these scientists continue with their research, which they're trying to do, the guy at the University of Maryland, that theoretical physicist, if they can prove that we're inside a simulator, then just from understanding that, the kind of shit that you could theoretically do if this is a simulation that's running some kind of like... | ||
| Weird reproduction of the past. | ||
| If that's really happening, then time travel becomes super feasible. | ||
| I definitely have been thinking lately more and more that that is what the case is. | ||
| Because just like ridiculous things like you saying the Pokemon thing the other day, Joe, the last podcast, that was creepy to me. | ||
| Like, I can't stop thinking about that. | ||
| Yeah, why did I come up with Pokemon and he had a Pokemon outfit that he just happened to have and then he walks in the room with it on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just... | |
| We've never talked about Pokemon before, me and you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Never. | |
| Never. | ||
| But I reached in the back of my head, I pull out Pokemon. | ||
| That was fucking weird. | ||
| See, that's simulation shit. | ||
| This is definitely... | ||
| Well, our lives are very strange. | ||
| Very, very, very strange. | ||
| Ari and I were talking about it last night. | ||
| We were talking about Ari's life now. | ||
| Ari and I went to play pool after I did the Laugh Factory last night. | ||
| We were just talking about how Ari's life has just transformed over the last two years. | ||
| He went from being a guy who couldn't get booked anywhere to a guy that is living a dream. | ||
| Everywhere he goes, he's got packed houses. | ||
| They're all coming out to see him. | ||
| He's selling out the DC Improv on a Saturday night, selling out big shows. | ||
| They go crazy when he goes on stage. | ||
| And it's like all of a sudden the world changed and went from sucky to awesome. | ||
| And it's like he just reached some new level of the computer game and now the entire world that he's in, his world literally is a different world. | ||
| Like someone who's unsuccessful, someone who's unfulfilled, someone who's trying to accomplish something but keeps meeting with failure, When that happens over a long period of time, you can develop a deep despair in the way you view the world. | ||
| And that's where Ari was just a couple of years ago. | ||
| And now, all of a sudden, he's in this super happy world. | ||
| Everywhere he goes, people are happy to see him. | ||
| He's got a big smile on his face. | ||
| He's fun to hang around with. | ||
| He's joking around a lot. | ||
| He's super positive. | ||
| And he's traveling to all these places and having the time of his life. | ||
| The world is a different place now. | ||
| This is why I love the fucking multiverse theory. | ||
| I love the idea that we exist in a place where every single possible event is happening at once. | ||
| Everything that could happen is happening. | ||
| It's all happening in one great... | ||
| Eternal burst of happening-ness and that you can shift yourself from different nodes of where you are now to more desirable nodes of the multiverse, to places that you want to be. | ||
| And that's what goals are. | ||
| You know, having a goal is a form of visualizing the specific node of the multiverse that you would like to be existing in and the contrast between that place and where we currently are. | ||
| And it's like a grappling hook that you're throwing through infinity and it lands at this place that you can visualize and then you kind of pull yourself to that place. | ||
| Are you talking about nodes over there? | ||
| Nodes, dude! | ||
| Like the things that you put in the front of the lawn? | ||
| Like the... | ||
| Not gnomes, dude. | ||
| Nodes. | ||
| Gnomes? | ||
| What's a nose? | ||
| Stop. | ||
| It's a node. | ||
| You're going to have to read before you get into this conversation. | ||
| I don't know what nodes are. | ||
| Well, you have to go Google that. | ||
| Dude, I wish I was talking about gnomes. | ||
| No, go ahead. | ||
| Continue. | ||
| So anyway, so the idea is like these fucking movements through the multiverse as you move towards what you want to become... | ||
| I feel like a symptom that you're moving towards this new universe that's possible for everyone is that synchronicities start happening. | ||
| In the same way that when you're in a boat, you can see ripples in the water. | ||
| When you begin to really focus and move towards a place that you want to be, Regardless of whatever the fuck that place is, if you really start working and going in that direction, that's when the juju starts happening. | ||
| Weird coincidences. | ||
| Strange fucking moments that you consider like, man, the probability of that happening is so incredibly fucking low. | ||
| There's no way that that could happen. | ||
| And it's quite often absurd. | ||
| It's novelty. | ||
| It's like what you're just talking about. | ||
| Fucking Pokemon. | ||
| Brian coming out in a Pokemon outfit. | ||
| This isn't like... | ||
| Tesla having a vision for alternating current. | ||
| It's just absurd and silly, but it still fills you with a momentary sense of novelty. | ||
| This kind of like, wow, this place is pretty fucking cool. | ||
| I feel like that happens the more I'm tuned into life correctly. | ||
| And the multiverse theory, as I've understood it, is also based on... | ||
| Well, one of the operating theories is that every decision that you make, every direction that you go and every choice that you make literally opens up a completely new universe. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's almost like we're cavemen learning like a language, but the government or somebody already knows the language. | ||
| Like we're learning how to be like, oh, we can make words. | ||
| I think it's a massive mystery to all involved. | ||
| I think the government understands that they have a certain amount of power and they don't want to let it go, which is what typically all corrupt people do once they get into a position of control. | ||
| It takes a massive Amount of control over your ego, to be in a position of power and still be moral and ethical and kind and loving, to be in a position of ultimate control, like if you were in the CIA or you ran the NSA or something like that, to be there and have compassion for all of brotherhood and all of mankind, it's really hard to do. | ||
| It's really hard. | ||
| It's way easier to be a corrupt cunt and just sort of control shit. | ||
| But it is possible. | ||
| It is possible. | ||
| If it's possible for any one person to be moral and ethical and loving and kind and still be a powerful person, still be a strong and accomplished person, it is possible to be that. | ||
| So it's possible to run a government that's like that, too. | ||
| It's just they have to understand what a massive position they're in instead of thinking, well, this is what makes life easier. | ||
| This is what makes our job easier. | ||
| This is what makes it easier to clamp down on terror. | ||
| Instead of looking at it that way, if they just looked at it literally in what is best for mankind. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's it, man. | ||
| It can be done. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| It can be done. | ||
| And I think that even thinking along those lines helps to change the world. | ||
| It sounds totally hokey, but I think that having this conversation and knowing this conversation is going to easily reach a million people, several million people probably over the course of... | ||
| the next few months. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This conversation is going to enter, it's going to be data that enters into certain people's minds. | ||
| And that's the kind of thoughts that we need. | ||
| We need, we need an understanding that, yes, government is important. | ||
| Yes, police are important because people are imperfect and they need also to be protected from themselves. | ||
| They need to be stopped when they try to drunk drive. | ||
| We need someone who can protect people from people that are bullies and people that fuck up and let their emotions take control of themselves. | ||
| We absolutely need that. | ||
| But we also need a very strong moral backbone to this country that we're completely missing. | ||
| And we need our eyes, our mental eyes, and our spiritual eyes moved in the direction of... | ||
| We need a philosophy. | ||
| Yeah, a story. | ||
| Not just laws. | ||
| And also, but there's also the story of the government, the narrative of the government, the narrative of the news, the narrative of, like, media that's giving out information is inevitably a terrible, catastrophic narrative, and it will always be. | ||
| Whenever you turn on the fucking news, it's a disaster. | ||
| And I'm not just talking fucking Frankenstorn. | ||
| I'm talking about, oh God, if you believe the news, then you believe all pitbulls are evil. | ||
| You believe pitbulls have climbed out of some fucking volcano in hell and are just ravaging the world, chewing the faces off senior citizens. | ||
| If you believe the fucking news, you would have believed that Africanized bees were coming, communists are attacking, al-Qaeda's marching into our streets to destroy us, Satanists are molesting our fucking kids. | ||
| And that all politics is corrupt and evil and that the entire planet is on the verge of some ecological catastrophe. | ||
| Well, the real issue is that there's too many people. | ||
| There's 300 million people in this country alone. | ||
| You cannot concentrate in one hour on the news without getting an insane amount of negative shit. | ||
| Because you're dealing with individual acts over 300 million people. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So that's where they are directing the consciousness and the attention of all of humanity into these basically anomalies. | ||
| And if you look at the amount of people right now and the small amount of catastrophe that's happening compared to how many of us there are, it's a fucking miracle every day. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| We've talked about this a hundred times, that this is a way safer time than there's ever been in human history. | ||
| But when you look at people trying to pass laws to take away rights, you would think that there's rioting in the streets and that the world is falling apart. | ||
| So what is that connection? | ||
| Why is it that with this time where really things have never been better for the human race, why is there still this overwhelming need to crack down further and further on rights and liberties And control the population more and more, North Korea style. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Well, I mean, I think that you... | ||
| It's a trite thing to say, but it's you follow the money. | ||
| And so I think that if you look and see that, you know, what is it, 48% of people in the prisons are drug-related offenses. | ||
| If you see, like, the people who are making money off of these laws, I mean, God knows how much money the fucking TSA makes selling their crazy gear that they have, you know? | ||
| That's a big fucking business, you know? | ||
| So, I think it's just some people tend to profit off of the mass perception that we are existing in a sort of hell dimension. | ||
| And there's people who've figured out a way to suckle at those black, satanic teats and extract money from it that they use for their own sense gratification, their own selfishness. | ||
| And it's a tiny amount of people. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Statistically speaking, if you look at the greater number of human beings in this country, 300 million people, how many of them are sucking the blood out of the earth? | ||
| Is it even a thousand? | ||
| Is it even a thousand industrialists and bankers that are responsible for wielding that kind of power? | ||
| And how many of them are Masons, Duncan Trussell? | ||
| They're all Masons, Brother Joe! | ||
| But here's the thing, man. | ||
| I think that the stuff that we kind of hit upon when we have these conversations... | ||
| I think that that kind of stuff is if people's eyes start turning in the direction of the idea, as absurd and quixotic as it might sound, that you can, through a combination of discipline and visualization, create a positivity singularity in your life Where you, your very being and everything around you can like, almost like being in an elevator going up a few floors into paradise, that can happen. | ||
| Where suddenly, you discard like a snake shedding its skin all the foulness of your, of the fear calcifications that have formed around your life in the form of bad relationships, shitty friends, a negative outlook. | ||
| You can like drop all that and suddenly experience some version of rebirth. | ||
| You know, this is why the Christian idea of being born again is a beautiful notion. | ||
| That's a crazy idea to play around with. | ||
| The idea that you can renew and rejuvenate your life completely if you just let go of fear and turn your fucking eyes away from the ghost story that these hell buzzards are spoon-feeding us so that they can sell droids and fucking forts. | ||
| And if you start turning away from that and putting your focus on this idea, you're not always going to be perfect. | ||
| I mean, you're not going to be suddenly in the Garden of Eden. | ||
| The people who need to change their idea are the people that are actually doing that, not the people that are buying into it. | ||
| It's way more important to have the people that are in control change their idea. | ||
| So how the fuck do you get to the lizards? | ||
| Well, to get to the fucking lizards, man, I think that what would have to happen would be an exponential shift in the That's where there's a possibility of technology aiding in the evolution because if there comes a technology that allows data to be distributed Probably | ||
| wireless, probably point to point inside something that's installed in a person's body, like some sort of a chip that's installed in your body. | ||
| And there'll be some sort of a wireless data network that's like an internet for human beings communicating with each other. | ||
| And you're going to be able to access the ones and zeros that make up your own fucking personality, too. | ||
| And people are going to have Yelp scores. | ||
| Like you're going to meet someone, you'll see like two stars over their head. | ||
| You're like, oh, look at this asshole. | ||
| What a dick! | ||
| Yeah, they're going to be just like, it's just going to be like raiding restaurants on Yelp. | ||
| You'll meet someone and as you look at them, it'll cursor over them and you'll see stars. | ||
| And you can't resist that. | ||
| You're gonna have to go through with that. | ||
| And when that does happen, then all the people in government are gonna be like, fuck, I have zero stars? | ||
| Like, I'm a cunt. | ||
| They're gonna be forced to recognize that. | ||
| All the people around them are gonna be forced to look at them. | ||
| them and when the soldiers look at the the generals and all these shitheads that are running the army and they see zero stars over their head and they realize how fucked up they are as human beings remember joe it's the like is currencies remember facebook book likes long time ago we talked about likes currencies remember when we said that likes and facebook's uh was going to be a currency in the future Yeah, it could very well be. | ||
| But I think it'll definitely be a way to look at a person and get a read on who they are before you ever start. | ||
| Who you are is directly related to how other people feel about you when you're around. | ||
| That is a big part of who you are as a human. | ||
| It's how you interact with the rest of the species. | ||
| Well, if there was a rating system, like a Yelp for people like that that you just saw when you met someone, people would try, oh, so much fucking harder to be nicer. | ||
| They would try so much harder to fit in, and they would feel the repercussions of having that zero stars over their head. | ||
| Man, when people are cunts, if you really consider why people are cunts, my theory on it is that they don't understand how important they are. | ||
| They think they're not important. | ||
| Usually when someone's being a cunt... | ||
| It's easy to be a cunt. | ||
| But it's because you're not... | ||
| This is something... | ||
| It's easy to lash out. | ||
| When Hancock came on my podcast, he talked about ayahuasca and slurping ayahuasca and how one of the effects was that it made you experience the way you made people throughout your life feel. | ||
| You know, like they talk about the life review and you go into the light and that shit. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I've talked to people who've died and come back, and they say it's not that you watch a video of your life. | ||
| It's that you literally see the way that you made the people around you feel. | ||
| You feel that. | ||
| You feel the way you made the people around you feel. | ||
| And I think that most people who are dicks, they don't think they're important enough to induce any kind of feeling in the people around them. | ||
| They don't even think that they're important enough to make someone feel like shit, necessarily. | ||
| I don't agree with that at all. | ||
| I don't think that's what's going on at all. | ||
| I think they're just unhappy, and they lash out. | ||
| I think that's what being a dick is. | ||
| It's a projection thing. | ||
| They are trying to hurt people's feelings, for sure. | ||
| When someone's being an asshole, they want to have a reaction just to let them know that they're important. | ||
| I don't think that it's not that they don't feel like they're important. | ||
| I think their ego's out of control, which is just the opposite of not feeling that they're important. | ||
| Their importance is more important than anything else in the world. | ||
| That's why they're willing to lash out at people. | ||
| I don't want to think that way. | ||
| But it's an ego issue. | ||
| Here's what I like to think. | ||
| Speaking of the node of the multiverse I want to exist in, I want to exist in this node of the multiverse where underneath all the ego calcifications and all the shitty lashing out thing, It's just a super sweet person that happens to have been just walked out of some briny swamp that consists of their family, their job, their life, their past, whatever it is. | ||
| And they're still dripping with some of the oozing stagnation of being born in a bad incarnation. | ||
| And the way that that's manifesting is the form of their shitty activities. | ||
| But underneath that fucking thing, like a mask, is just a person who had to run through a stinky swamp and needs to shower off. | ||
| Well, how are they mutually exclusive? | ||
| Because that's exactly what I'm saying. | ||
| The person who lashes out, they're angry. | ||
| You know, the person who lashes out, they're trying to hurt people's feelings. | ||
| It's not that they don't think they're worthwhile. | ||
| It's that their ego is protecting them from their environment because they've grown up in a hostile place. | ||
| Well, okay. | ||
| I'll make an obvious concession. | ||
| 100% of 100% of people, certainly, there is some percentage that probably thinks they're fucking important. | ||
| And God knows you run into people who are puffed up. | ||
| God, all day you do. | ||
| Yeah, but quite often, man, I think that that puffed up thing underneath it, they don't really think they're fucking... | ||
| I'm saying some people definitely think they're important, but they don't really believe they're important. | ||
| They don't really think they're worth something. | ||
| They don't really think that they're part of a web of life that has value. | ||
| They just feel like they're fucking worthless shitbags, and so they put on a show. | ||
| See, I think that what's going on primarily with people is that when you see people that are acting illogically and you see people that are angry with road rage, there's not a lot of consideration going on at all. | ||
| And I think most of what they're operating on is momentum. | ||
| So they're not really even thinking about whether they're worthwhile or not worthwhile. | ||
| They're about ego, they're about reacting, they're about anger and frustration, and they're about selfishness. | ||
| And when you live a life, especially when you have a job that just sucks the fucking blood out of your body, literally sucks the inspiration out of your soul, you want to be selfish when you're done. | ||
| I think that's a big part of road rage, a big part of people yelling at you. | ||
| You don't even want to give someone a few seconds to get in front of you with the car. | ||
| You want to honk your horn and give them the finger because they made you wait a second or two. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Well, you're having... | ||
| It's an ego issue. | ||
| It's a seizure. | ||
| You're having these kind of seizures and the way they're coming out is in you being a dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you're just... | ||
| It's like muscle spasms. | ||
| But it's all a fucking result of this kind of like... | ||
| You know, unfortunate, whatever the fucking thing that your past has happened in your past, you're programming. | ||
| So it's like, I just love this fucking idea that... | ||
| This is called unconditional positive regard. | ||
| Have you ever heard this term before? | ||
| Unconditional positive regard? | ||
| So it's this idea that if you can manifest around people a state of unconditional positive regard... | ||
| how they're acting without judging them just the sense yeah a lot of us came into this fucking dimension and are freaking the fuck out a lot of us are rightfully freaking the fuck out some of us maybe we're freaking out when we shouldn't be but if someone's freaking out they're freaking the fuck out okay so the way to handle that is to manifest something called unconditional positive This is a psychological theory. | ||
| I can't remember the therapist's name, but they would take kids who were about to go to juvie or whatever from schools, and they would bring these kids to meet with him, because he's a therapist. | ||
| And these kids have been meeting with therapists their whole lives, because they're fuck-ups. | ||
| Their experience has always been one of being in offices where someone's trying to change them, turn them into something different, make them feel bad for the way they are, hammer some kind of ethical system into their brain, whatever. | ||
| So this guy started doing this thing where he let the kids come into his office and he'd just sit there with them. | ||
| There's like crayons, shit they can draw on. | ||
| They would do their crazy shit, their little act-outs and freak-outs. | ||
| But the whole time he was just trying to like be a person with them who wasn't judging them, who wasn't looking down on them and thinking of them as monsters. | ||
| And so the effect of this shit that he did, it's a whole... | ||
| I wish I could remember the name of it. | ||
| It's a whole goddamn type of therapy, but the end result is these kids, their grades started improving. | ||
| They started to become better people because they were in the presence of someone who was actively trying to, like, appreciate them as human beings. | ||
| Well, of course. | ||
| Look, we can... | ||
| All agree that the number one problem with this society is the way human beings are raised. | ||
| Human beings are raised by idiots, raised in a really uncomfortable way where they never truly develop character, never truly develop a philosophy or a point of view that aids them in life. | ||
| How many people go through life perfectly programmed? | ||
| How many people go through life with a really positive experience of growing up? | ||
| Very few. | ||
| That's the real issue, because then those people become adults, they raise their own children, and they try to correct as much as possible, but who knows how much of them has been fucked because of their childhood, and it continues on and on. | ||
| What I was saying, even when we were talking about the people that run the world, that we need a philosophy for how human beings interact with each other, a code that's never broken, an agreement between all others. | ||
| And that, to me, is the most important thing that the human race can establish. | ||
| There is a way you can be successful while having all those things, and that's what people don't understand. | ||
| There's a lot of people that think that, well, you've got to do what you've got to do to make it in this world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, you don't. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| That's not necessary. | ||
| There's a lot of businesses that act totally, completely ethically. | ||
| There's a lot of businesses that get by without fucking people over. | ||
| You just do it the right way. | ||
| Life can move in the right direction, and we can still have success and prosperity. | ||
| It is 100% fucking possible. | ||
| And the idea that the two things are mutually exclusive is a fucking dirty lie that's been told to you by crooks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the world right now is run by those crooks. | ||
| They are running the world. | ||
| When you see all these different bills that are being passed that are slowly eroding the rights of American citizens and slowly taking away your liberties and slowly making it easier for them to spy on you, that is not someone looking out for your best interest. | ||
| It just isn't. | ||
| They aren't looking out for the human race as a whole. | ||
| They just aren't. | ||
| That's not the right way to approach it. | ||
| That is the way a shithead approaches it. | ||
| And so it becomes very obvious that we need to overhaul the system that our country operates under, that the world operates under. | ||
| Because right now it's operating under a shithead dictator system. | ||
| And they don't need to be that way. | ||
| That's the real issue. | ||
| The real issue is they don't need to be that way. | ||
| They're that way because they're incompetent. | ||
| They're that way because they're unhappy. | ||
| And you can't run the world like a cunt and still be a happy person. | ||
| You're not going to have as much benefit even in your own life. | ||
| And our problem is we don't look at the world, we don't look at our life, we don't look at our existence as, you know, what is the most important thing? | ||
| Well, the abundance of happiness, love... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| We look at it as money. | ||
| We look at it as money is the number one most important thing. | ||
| And the more that you can accumulate, the more you're correct. | ||
| That's something that has to shift. | ||
| Money is just simply a part of a good equation. | ||
| And really, the money that you need to be happy is enough money so that you don't have to think about money. | ||
| It's an ironic thing. | ||
| You want enough money so that you can eat and have a roof over your head and be able to enjoy the comforts of home, a nice couch, and normal shit. | ||
| That is really the money that you need in this life, to have happiness. | ||
| Health. | ||
| And money to support health, money to support nutrition, money to support shelter. | ||
| And once you have that, that is everything! | ||
| That is where real happiness comes from. | ||
| And if you don't have that, but yet you have millions and millions of dollars, you're sick. | ||
| You've missed the point. | ||
| You've missed the most important part of the equation. | ||
| The most important part of the equation is... | ||
| Companionship, friendship, love, happiness, safety, shelter, community. | ||
| All of those things first! | ||
| Then, more money. | ||
| I mean, if you really can become some Richard Branson baller who seems to have good karma and yet has a spaceship, you know? | ||
| I mean, more power to you. | ||
| The guy seems to have good karma and yet still has these amazing things. | ||
| But more important than anything is the first aspect of it. | ||
| So when you see someone who's fucking completely miserable and they're rich as shit and they're evil as fuck... | ||
| That's a huge disaster. | ||
| That's just a huge imbalance and a huge fuck-up for them. | ||
| Like, they don't understand. | ||
| You've got to give up some of that to achieve happiness and peace and love and friendship and community. | ||
| And it's still possible. | ||
| Have you ever heard the term, the higher taste? | ||
| Have you ever heard that term before? | ||
| No. | ||
| So the idea is that there's a connection. | ||
| Take those glasses off. | ||
| You're freaking me out. | ||
| Come on, let me wear them, man! | ||
| They're my Waco glasses! | ||
| There's the idea that you can connect. | ||
| Now, a lot of people don't like the word God, so get rid of that fucking word. | ||
| But there's the idea that you can connect with a kind of infinite flow of energy. | ||
| This is the shit that Tesla talked about. | ||
| This is the shit that a lot of people have come in contact with this fucking thing. | ||
| And they have a lot of different words for this fucking thing. | ||
| But the idea is that once you begin to connect with that thing, or even flirt with the connection to that thing, and figure out ways to like really establish that, when you begin to feel what that feels like, that sense of connection, that sense of being in the flow, being in harmony, that thing, you can't buy that feeling. | ||
| There's no way money's ever gonna buy that feeling, and it's a feeling that makes any kind of It makes everything else just seem like icing on the cake. | ||
| And I think a lot of these people have just simply gotten disconnected. | ||
| They're like a garden hose with a kink in it. | ||
| They're not getting like an energetic flow. | ||
| Eating plastic and have this kind of existential nutritional deficiency that manifests in the form of an outbreak of cuntiness. | ||
| And it's like, it's mostly just because they haven't made that big fucking connection. | ||
| The connection people make through psychedelics. | ||
| The connection people make through chanting. | ||
| I really don't think that you can become a fully developed human being unless you have some series of events in your life, more than one, that break down your vision of the world I think | ||
| all of that... | ||
| All those are possibilities. | ||
| There's different ways to achieve the same effect. | ||
| But unless you do have those things, you're going to be a child. | ||
| You're going to die an old child. | ||
| You're really never going to understand that you've been tricked by your own ego. | ||
| You've been tricked by your own ego, first of all, into thinking that this is somehow or another permanent. | ||
| It is unquestionably a temporary experience. | ||
| You've got to enjoy the shit out of it. | ||
| You've got to have as much fun as you can while it's going on. | ||
| But you better be treating it like what it is, because it's fucking temporary. | ||
| And you're leaving behind a wake and a ripple of shit that is going to go from you on to your ancestors and your shitty kids that you've raised. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And all the other different people that you've impacted in your life, you've created a horrible ripple of shit because you're imbalanced. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they don't have to be. | ||
| They don't have to be. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| If all these fucking, you know, these guys that are in secret societies and skull and bones and shit, if they all just dropped the bullshit, stopped being pussies, and took mushrooms, the whole picture would change immediately. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| You would have, look at, and folks, this is not, you know, I'm not making this up. | ||
| Look at John Hopkins University's studies on psilocybin use. | ||
| And what happened to people with one psilocybin experience over the course of a couple of years, their personalities changed for the better. | ||
| These pussies, they need to stop dressing up like fucking eyes wide shut and boning each other in the ass and videotaping it and holding each other hostage with the information. | ||
| Instead of doing it that way, they need to get together and do some fucking mushrooms. | ||
| But, man, it's such an important thing to make this connection, however you do it. | ||
| McKenna was really into mushrooms because it was an expeditious way to do it, and he was a believer in 2012 and the idea of some kind of eschatological event that was going to wipe us all out, so we've got to move quick. | ||
| Ram Dass is like... | ||
| He actually didn't believe that. | ||
| His idea was ultimate novelty. | ||
| But he seemed to be in a rush. | ||
| His thing was, like, you're not going to get people to, like... | ||
| This transformation in society you're talking about, he... | ||
| Maybe fairly recognized that like, let's make this shit happen fast and the fastest way to do it would be to get everyone or as many people as possible to experience the psychedelic state and bring that into the world through our action. | ||
| Well, no, he didn't really believe in the end of the world for 2012. That's what I'm saying. | ||
| He thought it was going to be a time machine. | ||
| He thought it was going to be some moment of ultimate novelty that it was going to be a technological thing. | ||
| Right, yeah, I guess when I say the end of the world, I mean like his idea was more of a positive end of the world scenario, but still apocalypse, lifting of the veil, transformation of the old ways into some complete moment of novelty. | ||
| And like he was into like, the reason, I'm just trying to get to the point that he liked to like, he placed mushrooms over meditation. | ||
| Where there's other people who say, You know, the problem with the psychedelic experience is that it gets you there, and it gets you there quick, but you've got to come back out of that. | ||
| And the idea is to, like, how can we... | ||
| Be in that state of consciousness. | ||
| Not like the walls are melting, but in that state of connectivity all the time. | ||
| Well, we know a lot of people that have had a series of these psychedelic experiences, and they're still, like, really selfish. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You know, we know this one guy who's very angry, who's had a lot of mushroom experiences. | ||
| I mean, a ton. | ||
| Writes books on it. | ||
| He's an angry motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Contrary to the vision of the plant itself, the fungus itself. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it's a teacher. | ||
| It's just like any other teacher. | ||
| You can ignore it. | ||
| And also, if you've got some weird social issues and psychological issues, you can start having grandiose ideas based on psychedelic experiences. | ||
| I've talked to people that had psychedelic experiences and believed that there's a whole team of beings out there that are looking out for them and that Succeed for what? | ||
| What's the end goal? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You really believe that? | ||
| It's like they've chosen to look at only a fraction of the information that's being displayed. | ||
| Succeed. | ||
| See, that's brilliant, dude, because that's the thing. | ||
| With meditation, sometimes I'll go into meditation With a point. | ||
| Like I'm trying to get something. | ||
| I'm trying to do something. | ||
| I'm trying to get like, my mind wants there to be a result. | ||
| Like, you know, some kind of like metaphysical tricep development or something through meditation because we've been taught To be completely a result-oriented, to live a result-oriented life. | ||
| And the paradox of meditation is the idea is like, no, no, no. | ||
| You don't get anything out of this. | ||
| It's entering into a mind state where you're no longer constantly in the pursuit of the future. | ||
| You're no longer always chasing whatever the thing is that you think is the moment in the future. | ||
| You are... | ||
| Coming into where you are at this very moment, wherever the fuck you happen to be, you know? | ||
| Fucking lotion all over your dick because you just jerked off to porn or fucking with beer cans all over your fucking house or wherever you are. | ||
| You get into that moment and become that thing. | ||
| And the paradox of being fully in that thing is that your situations and conditions will begin to transform. | ||
| Because that's where the real healing starts happening. | ||
| The real transformation doesn't start with a fucking beating yourself up. | ||
| It starts with a sense of like, all right, hold on. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Entry into this dimension created a form of weird amnesia. | ||
| I apparently have developed the fucking personality of a supreme cunt. | ||
| I've got some weird fucking hangover that came from my incarnation in this dimension. | ||
| I'm gonna shake off this hangover and the way I'm gonna shake it off is by fully understanding where I'm at right now. | ||
| It's a paradox, man. | ||
| It's something that's like a really strange thing because to get to a place Where you aren't such a cunt and where you aren't trapped, you need to first understand what your prison cell is like. | ||
| Isn't it fascinating when you see these Wall Street guys, like I read about another one the other day, who's realized that his fund had lost hundreds of millions of dollars, and so he committed suicide? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Exactly, dude. | ||
| It's just like these strange numbers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| These abstract numbers that are part of this game, and he realized that the game was over. | ||
| Wife, kids, the whole deal. | ||
| Children. | ||
| He had children. | ||
| Did you see the fucking guy who burned his house down and took a cyanide pill in court? | ||
| Did you see that video? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| He's like, fucking, that's it, man. | ||
| He pressed reset because he's going to jail. | ||
| He was going to jail for a long time, so he decided to take that cyanide pill right in front of everybody. | ||
| Fuck yeah, man. | ||
| Cyanide, dude. | ||
| Fucking, I looked up how that shit kills you. | ||
| It's goddamn... | ||
| Crazy, dude. | ||
| He just sat there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He took the pill and just sat there. | ||
| He started snoring. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then his body just started giving up. | ||
| And then he collapsed. | ||
| They're like, call hospital. | ||
| Call 911. Yeah. | ||
| He's down. | ||
| Down. | ||
| Moaning. | ||
| This is the problem, man. | ||
| This is like fucking, you know, it's so funny how the Bible's rife with really great information, but if you take it literally, it's retarded. | ||
| But the Bible's always like, the God of the Bible's always against false idols and is always saying, you know, don't worship false idols. | ||
| If you worship false idols, you're fucked. | ||
| And people like that, you know, they started this crazy worship of bullshit. | ||
| And the end result is you end up in a pretty fucking crappy extinction event. | ||
| So how does this all play out? | ||
| Because this is all just assuming that the world is real. | ||
| Now, we're assuming that the world is some sort of a computer simulation. | ||
| And by the way, this keeps coming to me. | ||
| Even Brittany Palmer sent me a tweet the other day about computer simulation code. | ||
| Very bright girl, by the way, even though she's a ring card girl. | ||
| It's fucking badass. | ||
| Yeah, it's fascinating. | ||
| There's a ring card girl that's into simulation theory? | ||
| Brittany Palmer's a badass bitch. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Very cool chick. | ||
| She's the incarnation of Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, her boyfriend's into it, too, apparently, because he sent a link to me for me to read. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Oh, the boyfriend? | ||
| The boyfriend thing. | ||
| Yeah, that's really great for a while. | ||
| Handsome, fella. | ||
| Handsome, very successful. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| You're not getting in there, kid. | ||
| That idea, though, the simulation theory is going around the world. | ||
| A lot of people are looking at it. | ||
| And one of the reasons, one of the real big ones that sort of catapulted it was when this guy, Dr. Gates, has found hidden error correction codes hidden in the equations of supersymmetry. | ||
| It's really, really hard to wrap your head around, but in his words... | ||
| They had found the presence of codes in the equations of physics, not that they were trying to compute something, and the way he describes it says it's a little bit like doing biology, where if you studied an animal, you'd eventually run into its DNA, and that's essentially what's happened to us. | ||
| These codes that we found, they're like the DNA that sits inside of the equations that we study. | ||
| So yeah, do we live in the matrix? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, man, it's a blast. | ||
| I mean, the reason it's fucking cool is because it's a new version of a very old idea that's being told using the current state-of-the-art language that we have today. | ||
| But this idea of the universe being a computer simulation, the Maya, as they call it in India, which means illusion, this is a very old fucking idea. | ||
| Well, John Wheeler, John Archibald Wheeler, was an American theoretical physicist who was largely responsible, according to the biography on him, largely responsible for reviving interest in general relativity in the United States after World War II. And one of the things that Dr. Gates had said was that he thought that Wheeler was crazy. | ||
| believes that this experience you know studying this computer code and finding out there's code in supersymmetry he says if you study physics long enough you might become crazy and that like literally if you delve deep into the heart of matter yeah if you really get to the nitty-gritty of what life really is it's undeniable that it's some sort of a code it's It's undeniable that it is some sort of... | ||
| I wouldn't say it's a computer simulation, because the term simulation, like, I joke around about the fact that I believe that human beings are living in some video game in the future and that we really look like the aliens and that that's... | ||
| But what I really think might be going on is that the reality as it stands has many more elements to it than just things you can hit and knock on with your knuckles. | ||
| Things you could beat with a hammer or throw water on. | ||
| I think there's a lot more than the solid physical matter of the universe that we're not totally taking into consideration. | ||
| And I always bring up the idea of the imagination. | ||
| That we look at the imagination as, well, when I was a kid, you know, oh, he's got such a vivid imagination because I would lie about shit, you know, draw pictures and make up things. | ||
| But what the imagination really is, is this hail of ideas in your mind that, if followed through, manifest physical things in this reality. | ||
| So it's not simply just this airy-fairy, woo-woo thing that's like this non-important, intangible aspect of life. | ||
| No, it's the creator of everything. | ||
| It's the root behind the creation of every single physical thing, from nuclear power plants to guns to fucking cat clocks. | ||
| All that shit is created by the imagination. | ||
| It's a piece of all that shit. | ||
| It's a laboratory. | ||
| It's an alchemical laboratory that exists in your mind. | ||
| And that's one aspect. | ||
| And another aspect is the exact vibration you put out there. | ||
| The love that you put out there, the friendship that you put out there, the happiness that you bring to people. | ||
| You know, look, we're experiencing it in a form with this whole podcast network thing because all of us together, you know, having podcasts, all of us together pushing this. | ||
| Happy, positive, you know, sort of vibe out there and then having all these happy, positive people come to the shows and experiencing a direct result of this, creating this way of thinking where people are coming up to us on a daily fucking basis. | ||
| Last night at the Laugh Factory, a bunch of dudes came up to me and said the same thing. | ||
| You're changing my life. | ||
| You changed my life, changed the way I look at things, changed the way I'm happier now, I was going through a bad breakup, I was fat, I lost weight, I got healthy. | ||
| It's all the same thought re-repeating itself over and over and over again. | ||
| And that thought is that you're putting out a positive thing and positive results are being accumulated because of this transmission. | ||
| That's right, man. | ||
| And earlier you were talking about this being technologically enhanced. | ||
| Well, it is technologically enhanced. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| You're using a technological amplifier to blast positive energy out into the world and it's exponentially increasing the positivity that just starts in this room with a couple of microphones. | ||
| And that creates big fucking shifts. | ||
| And not just positive energy, but A positive philosophy that you can use. | ||
| You can actually apply and get direct results. | ||
| It will inspire you and you can apply it. | ||
| Also a philosophy that is being is open source in the sense that the people you're blasting it out to at least my experience has been some of these people email you shit you've never heard before Books you've never heard before. | ||
| And then that gets added to it, applied to it, and woven into this fucking awesome thing, which is essentially just like an internet salon. | ||
| It's a kind of salon in the old idea of what it was, which is where a group of people would get together and talk about philosophy. | ||
| Well, it's where Twitter comes into play is the ability to exchange links in the short form where you're going to read them... | ||
| People send me emails, Jesus Christ, some of you crazy fucks that send me these 17-page emails on your whole life story. | ||
| No one's reading that. | ||
| You can't read those. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Stop being fucking crazy. | ||
| But if you send me some shit about self-healing concrete... | ||
| Yes, that gets read. | ||
| Did you read that? | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| Self-healing concrete. | ||
| Go past, dude. | ||
| There's some shit called self-repairing bioconcrete that's made out of bacteria. | ||
| I mean, it's like every day it's getting weirder and weirder and weirder. | ||
| And it just does not seem to be ending, man. | ||
| It's all going on while we're not even paying attention. | ||
| Well, you're just doing your everyday thing. | ||
| They're constantly coming up with new, crazier and crazier shit. | ||
| And this stuff is called bacterial spores that are added to the concrete mix, and they're activated by water. | ||
| And this experimental concrete, it patches up cracks by itself. | ||
| I mean, this is fucking bananas, man. | ||
| It's going to start growing feelings in the future. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| It's going to be like we can't drive on the road because it hurts it. | ||
| Well, wouldn't it be crazy if your house became something you could talk to? | ||
| Hey, I'm home. | ||
| How are you? | ||
| And you touch the walls and it's happy to see you and shit. | ||
| I mean, that doesn't seem outside the realm of possibility. | ||
| Go into the attic once in a while and let the house know who's boss is. | ||
| Yeah, fuck its brain in the attic. | ||
| When you stop and think about it, if we do come up with smart computers, what if one of the things that we do is make your whole house a living network? | ||
| That'd be crazy. | ||
| Yeah, you come home and your house literally feeds off of your positive feelings. | ||
| Your house is like, is it cold enough for you? | ||
| Is it warm enough for you? | ||
| Would you light the lights on? | ||
| And you go, can you turn on channel 20? | ||
| Yeah, 20, ding dong, home shopping network. | ||
| You know, you can do whatever the fuck you want through communicating with your house. | ||
| You tell it when to turn the lights on, tell it when to turn the lights on. | ||
| That's all coming. | ||
| Your house is going to be like one giant computer. | ||
| You're not even going to reach for the faucet. | ||
| You're going to say, turn the hot water on. | ||
| And then if you had like an Asian fetish, you'd buy like an Asian-themed type looking house. | ||
| Or if you like the, you know, like Western girls and like a ranch. | ||
| Yeah, your house could be like really like a muted Japanese lady that's super polite and shy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hi! | ||
| Yeah, you could... | ||
| Your house could talk to you. | ||
| I mean, it could have a voice. | ||
| Do you remember when you... | ||
| It was a true story. | ||
| Brian was dating this chick, and she got jealous of his navigation system because it was a hot girl's voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She made me change to a guy, so I'd choose the British guy, but then I acted like I was gay for him every time he talked to me. | ||
| Isn't that hilarious that someone could actually be jealous of the navigation system's voice? | ||
| That's when you know you've got a rock-solid relationship. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When your chick is upset at the navigation system, who's this fucking whore telling us where to go? | ||
| Turn left. | ||
| Here. | ||
| Like, ew, I hate this girl's voice. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| Fake computer. | ||
| Well, it was even better. | ||
| It was like a TomTom, and with TomToms you can download celebrity voices. | ||
| So I started dating it. | ||
| It was like Cameron Diaz or something like that. | ||
| You can do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could do Yoda. | ||
| Oh, did you guys hear about fucking Star Wars getting bought by Disney? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| You think that's good or bad? | ||
| Um, well, look, let's be honest. | ||
| The last Star Wars movies sucked a fat one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They all sucked. | ||
| They sucked. | ||
| And Ari was saying that, you know, we're just in denial that if you go back and try to watch Star Wars, it sucked too. | ||
| And I say it didn't suck because it only sucks today if you compare it to the movies of today. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When Star Wars was released, it was groundbreaking, man. | ||
| There's no denying. | ||
| It's like saying that if you go back and listen to Lenny Bruce, you won't laugh. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| It's still super groundbreaking. | ||
| Have you seen the video of the pre-voiceover Darth Vader? | ||
| No. | ||
| The guy who did Darth Vader's voice before Morgan Freeman did it? | ||
| I'm your father. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| It wasn't Morgan Freeman. | ||
| Not Morgan Freeman. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Wow, that's racist. | ||
| The other guy. | ||
| No, it isn't. | ||
| They both have awesome voices. | ||
| Yeah, who was it? | ||
| The guy who did... | ||
| He was in Thulsa Doom in Conan, too. | ||
| What the fuck's his name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does a lot of commercials. | |
| What the fuck's his name? | ||
| Earl Jones. | ||
| James Earl Jones. | ||
| Yeah, that guy. | ||
| But if you go back and watch those Star Wars movies, there was a couple of good ones. | ||
| They were decent. | ||
| They were great for the time. | ||
| But the new ones are fucking terrible, man. | ||
| They're just terrible. | ||
| It's like George Lucas lost his connection. | ||
| It's really sad. | ||
| Sucks! | ||
| It's like the guy needs to do squats and run some hill sports. | ||
| Squats is not going to make Star Wars better. | ||
| He's got no life to him. | ||
| There's no passion there. | ||
| There's no fire. | ||
| There's no real threat. | ||
| It's just all just mush. | ||
| It's just mushy, mush, stupidity. | ||
| I just hope they don't have Jar Jar Binks like Disney's. | ||
| No, we're going to reinvent Jar Jar. | ||
| He's going to be a vampire this time. | ||
| He's going to have a sexy kid. | ||
| Jar Jar Bank's like, what the fuck was that? | ||
| That's like, just taking an Ewok and just removing everything that's good about it and adding more stupidity. | ||
| And what's even creepier is when they changed it. | ||
| Like, they just re-released all the Star Wars on Blu-ray, and I guess they did all these things like making the Ewoks blink now, because they didn't used to blink, I guess. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| But now, that's even creepier, because now you know that's fake. | ||
| Yeah, you know that they fixed that. | ||
| Did you see the Dark Crystal? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I fucking love that shit, man. | ||
| It's one of my favorite movies. | ||
| Yeah, good movie. | ||
| And that's another movie I bet Ari would say, like, yeah, you watch it now, it sucks. | ||
| I'm like, no, still, you remember it as a child, you grew up with that movie, it's like a classic. | ||
| There's a lot of good movies that are still good. | ||
| I think these movies, man, I don't keep meaning to go back to this hippie shit, but I guess I will for the rest of my life. | ||
| I swear, man, I think these movies all came because people were taking acid and mushrooms and, like, tripping out. | ||
| And really going for it. | ||
| I think that's what those movies came from, is a psychedelic, bringing something back from the psychedelic universe and then using art as the kind of clothes that you drape around this hyper-dimensional form. | ||
| I think that's the fucking job, man. | ||
| You go out into that place and you try to bring back the crazy shit that you catch there. | ||
| It's like hunting trips into alternate dimensions. | ||
| But instead of catching animals, you're catching thoughts. | ||
| And you're bringing them back. | ||
| And then you're trying to bring them to life by putting them in some form. | ||
| Pouring them into the mold of your music, your movie, your book, whatever the thing is. | ||
| Like what Alex Gray does, for example. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he really does that. | ||
| He's better than anybody of capturing that dimension and bringing it back to reality. | ||
| What a beautiful guy that guy is, too. | ||
| Hanging out with him was so intense. | ||
| He's just so crackling with positivity and love. | ||
| No matter what I was shit on, he would find a way to look at the bright side of it. | ||
| Ah, that's cool. | ||
| I was shitting all the fat people at Disneyland on scooters, and he's talking about how great it is that Disneyland is accessible for wheelchair. | ||
| I love people like that, dude. | ||
| Those people are the best. | ||
| This guy, Raghu Marcus, who I have on my podcast, who helps run the Love Server Member Foundation, which is Ram Dass' foundation, They have a podcast now called Mind Rolling. | ||
| And it's him and his friend. | ||
| And these guys, man, they're so fucking cool. | ||
| And I was on the podcast. | ||
| And we were talking about... | ||
| I'd work myself up into a real hippie lather over fucking people dying in war. | ||
| And the drones. | ||
| I was really mad and really spewing. | ||
| I was coming from anger. | ||
| And it's like, these are people we're killing. | ||
| And the way they dealt with that blast of negativity... | ||
| It was super cool, because it wasn't like, you shouldn't be negative. | ||
| It was like, but hold on. | ||
| Think about how angry you are right now. | ||
| Think about the mind state that you're in right now. | ||
| Think about where you're at right now. | ||
| You have now created a fucking division. | ||
| You are no longer in a state of unit of consciousness. | ||
| You've now parsed the universe and you have done the exact same thing that causes war to happen. | ||
| The exact same thing that causes conflict is the way that the mind tends to create the good guys, the bad guys. | ||
| The evil forces and the good forces. | ||
| Right now we've got Al-Qaeda. | ||
| Used to be the communists. | ||
| Before it was the fucking communists. | ||
| It used to be the fucking British. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's always the Nazis. | ||
| There's always that paradigm. | ||
| There's always that setup of the enemy and the good and the bad. | ||
| And the paradox of that game is that you inevitably... | ||
| Continue the very fucking thing that you so dreadfully want to stop. | ||
| And that's the problem. | ||
| Right. | ||
| In creating that conflict and attacking, you automatically create a war. | ||
| And you automatically give someone something to fight for. | ||
| And these people like Alex fucking Gray or Raghu Marcus or Ram Dass, that's what they... | ||
| They're re-diverting it and making things always positive. | ||
| They're trying. | ||
| And that's alchemy, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's amazing. | |
| But, by the way, there's no comedy in that. | ||
| You've got to be able to shit on fat people. | ||
| Oh, you do. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I still need to see that South Park, Joe. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Scooters? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| There's about a thousand South Parks I really need to see still. | ||
| But dude, you know what? | ||
| Load up your iPhone, you know? | ||
| Yeah, what I need to do is just like next trip I go on, just blow the iPad up with like all the best episodes. | ||
| Is there a greatest hit to South Park? | ||
| Yeah, there is, but the best ones, you could download the season and the last five, even. | ||
| I've just forced myself recently to start watching stand-ups, watching comedy again. | ||
| There's a lot of bad stand-up out there, man, but I rarely watch comedy these days. | ||
| On television, I don't watch sitcoms. | ||
| That's why I don't watch South Park. | ||
| I love South Park, but when I'm alone, I don't go to comedy. | ||
| I almost always go to like science. | ||
| I almost always go to Discovery Channel shit or you know weird things about volcanoes or oceans or you know any biology type shit and then retard stuff like you know like my comedy yeah my comedy isn't like Bigfoot or Swamp People that's my new show Swamp People have you seen that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude you gotta watch Swamp People. | ||
| These are the folks who hunt crocodiles. | ||
| Yeah alligators. | ||
| And you can't hunt crocodiles in America. | ||
| We're trying to revive them, Duncan, because it's important to bring the most ruthless and fucking aggressive lizard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bring them back. | |
| Bring them back to a healthy breeding population so we have to worry about our dogs. | ||
| Release them downtown in downtown L.A. A dog just got snatched off a bridge in Miami. | ||
| Six foot off the water, this fucking crocodile jumps up and grabs a dog and pulls it into water for a death roll. | ||
| Fucking dog! | ||
| A Labrador, I think. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| Those death rolls suck. | ||
| That video of the guy who puts his hand in the alligator's mouth. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| Of course you've seen that for a million times. | ||
| Say crocodile. | ||
| Those are crocodiles. | ||
| Alligator. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Crocodiles are much more aggressive. | ||
| What's the difference? | ||
| They're bigger, more aggressive, more dangerous. | ||
| It's like the difference between a poodle and a pit bull. | ||
| You know what's cool, though, man? | ||
| The good thing? | ||
| It's interesting how not all animals learn to swarm. | ||
| Like, only bees swarm. | ||
| Like, alligators and crocodiles, they'll, like, if you throw meat into where they're at, they'll eat it. | ||
| But there's not, like, organized swarms of alligators. | ||
| That would change the fucking game. | ||
| Well, they would if they're hungry. | ||
| If they're hungry and something goes in the water, like when a wildebeest or an antelope gets jacked, they all rip it apart. | ||
| Yeah, but they're not like wolves. | ||
| They don't hunt. | ||
| They don't stalk animals. | ||
| They have a way better setup. | ||
| They hold their breath for hours underwater in muddy water. | ||
| They just stay put. | ||
| And then they explode out of nowhere when you have to come and drink because there's only one waterhole. | ||
| Crocodiles are way better than wolves. | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| They're in Africa. | ||
| They're in Africa where there's a fucking million animals and they all have to come to this waterhole. | ||
| This is the end of our friendship. | ||
| 28-foot-long dinosaurs that haven't changed in over 200 million years are waiting, holding their breath for hours. | ||
| Oh, and by the way, they don't have to eat for a year. | ||
| Sorry, man. | ||
| Wolves are better than alligators. | ||
| I mean, fuck! | ||
| How dare you, man! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just realized I'm wearing a wolf hat. | |
| Defending wolves! | ||
| Next topic, please! | ||
| I didn't realize that was happening. | ||
| A wolf spirit hat. | ||
| Stick it up for the wolves, man! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| We gotta protect him, bro! | ||
| Brian, pull up the video of a wolf killing, wolves killing a coyote. | ||
| Put on your wig, Duncan. | ||
| It's pretty, the wig doesn't work that good. | ||
| Doesn't work at all. | ||
| Isn't it funny that, like, there's a certain amount of shit you could wear, like, in your daily life that they'll allow you to wear, like, that's a costume outside of being dressed up for Halloween. | ||
| Like, you can wear a toupee. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That is not your fucking hair, but you can wear a toupee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| But you can't wear a fake mustache. | ||
| Nope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| If you wear a big fake mustache to try to go through security, they'll go, Sir... | ||
| Will you take the mustache off, please? | ||
| You're like, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I'm really insecure about my lack of a mustache. | ||
| I used to have a mustache, but my hair fell out of my upper lip, so now I have a toupee mustache. | ||
| That is weird. | ||
| You've got to take your hat off when you go through TSA, but you don't have to take off your toupee. | ||
| What if you had a Merkin and they were like, there's something showing up in your crotch? | ||
| You're like, yeah, nothing. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| You're like, what's going on? | ||
| Can you please unzip your pants? | ||
| You have this giant Jufro down in your crotch because you've just always been really insecure about not having any pubic hair. | ||
| So you just glue just this patch of fucking doom. | ||
| And everything is bone dry. | ||
| Your balls are bone dry. | ||
| Your dick's bone dry. | ||
| Not hair on your dick. | ||
| I have like stray hairs that are growing out halfway up my dick every now and then. | ||
| I gotta pluck them out. | ||
| Oh, you pluck them? | ||
| Pluck them, rip them right out of the fucking roots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ow, fuck that. | |
| Out of the roots. | ||
| My pubes are ridiculous. | ||
| If I let them grow, it's a fucking jungle down there. | ||
| But some dudes, they don't have that, so they just have a merkin. | ||
| And you go through security. | ||
| Do you think they let you keep that merkin? | ||
| No, you gotta strip it. | ||
| There's probably a bucket of them. | ||
| It's probably a dog that will snatch it off. | ||
| Bite you. | ||
| Bite your cock if you don't pull that merkin off. | ||
| You could have a bomb on that merkin. | ||
| I've never even heard the term merkin. | ||
| Merkin sweat? | ||
| You ever tasted it? | ||
| What's a merkin? | ||
| I think it's like a fake pubic hair beard. | ||
| It's a fake bush. | ||
| But for what reason? | ||
| No, hold on. | ||
| It's because a lot of girls... | ||
| I thought you were awake Making that up. | ||
| There's no such thing. | ||
| There's two things. | ||
| A lot of girls get their shit lasered off. | ||
| So once in a while they want to have a bush. | ||
| And then they also have strippers or chicks that want to... | ||
| There's no muff wigs. | ||
| It's like piercing. | ||
| It was invented a long time ago. | ||
| It was to combat pubic lice. | ||
| They're originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia. | ||
| They're now used as decorative items in erotic devices or in films. | ||
| Yeah, it was in the 1450s. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Women shaved their hair and they wore a merkin in the 1400s to combat pubic lice. | ||
| And prostitutes would wear them to cover up signs of disease, such as syphilis. | ||
| So they have a big fucking wig over their syphilis. | ||
| Hey, if your fucking prostitute is wearing a pussy wig, you should be suspicious. | ||
| Do you think people went raw dog with prostitutes back then? | ||
| It's like a bathroom rug. | ||
| After a while, she has an old merkin on. | ||
| It's like a bathroom rug. | ||
| It's just all fucking mildew. | ||
| In Hollywood filmmaking, merkins are worn by actors and actresses to prevent inadvertent exposure of the genitalia during nude or semi-nude scenes. | ||
| If a merkin were not worn, it would be necessary to restrict the shot to exclude the genital area. | ||
| Dude, have you ever heard of the way they shoot sex scenes, how they bring the boyfriends in? | ||
| Have we already talked about this? | ||
| Oh, and the guy watches? | ||
| The guy watches. | ||
| What is that about? | ||
| Doesn't that suck? | ||
| Listen, you can't have someone have a fake sex scene with someone that's hot. | ||
| They're gonna get hard. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| I had a friend who did a fake sex scene in some terrible movie, and the girl goes, you can fuck me if you want. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| The girl actually said that. | ||
| He's like, I don't think I can. | ||
| He didn't know what to say, but he's on top of her fake thrusting into her asshole with his flaccid penis. | ||
| Can you fucking imagine being someone's husband and sitting and watching them get fucked by Bruce Willis in some dark room? | ||
| Fuck Bruce Willis. | ||
| How about like... | ||
| Bruce Willis? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| How about, like, The Rock? | ||
| Looper was great. | ||
| The Rock is just, like, his giant tattooed chest is sweating into your wife's mouth as he's fake pumping her with her legs over her head. | ||
| Fucking her in a way you could never possibly do with your lift frame and your jogger's body. | ||
| Big, giant, fucking Samoan tribal tattoos on his roided-up chest, and he's just pumping his giant, semi-hard cock on the outside of your wife's pussy. | ||
| And you know, deep inside, she's just slippery and gliding, and she wished she would just shove it in. | ||
| I don't care who's watching. | ||
| And you're sitting there, um, is this over? | ||
| Have you got enough takes of this? | ||
| Is this, are we done here? | ||
| Are we done here? | ||
| Enough! | ||
| What if it was Louie Anderson? | ||
| I'm going to get that. | ||
| Your wife's pussy. | ||
| And you have to watch somebody gross. | ||
| John Lovitz. | ||
| John Lovitz. | ||
| Sloppy dude eating a fucking hot dog while he bones your wife. | ||
| The sideways glances. | ||
| He's got to pick his gut up like an underhook. | ||
| Like a deep, like a chimp. | ||
| Remember those chimps in the buckets? | ||
| That would be how their paws would connect. | ||
| You would play that game with the plastic chimps. | ||
| Well, he's got to take his hand in sort of that position to just suck up the gut and pull it up so his short, semi-hard penis can even get inside your woman. | ||
| And the stink wafting out of that flap is like a homeless dude just took off his boot. | ||
| Just like... | ||
| Just a combination of the LA River after a flood of this shit rolling in water and fucking... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Tepid water? | ||
| No, what is it in water when it's stagnant? | ||
| Stagnant water and shit and old loads. | ||
| Old loads in there. | ||
| Just old briny old fucking loads. | ||
| And his cum comes out like snot when you have the flu. | ||
| Just yellow. | ||
| You know how you blow your nose when you have the flu and it comes out all yellow? | ||
| That's how his loads look. | ||
| It's like the death sneeze of someone with malaria. | ||
| It's like your last sneeze. | ||
| Inside of a Boston cream donut, that yellow custard. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, it sounds. | ||
| Except it's not as smooth and delicious looking. | ||
| Yeah, a little congealed. | ||
| A little cottage cheesy. | ||
| And it burns. | ||
| And it burns, yeah. | ||
| It stings. | ||
| And it stings your eyes, too. | ||
| You have to run to the bathroom, and if you get it on your eyes, you'll start crying. | ||
| It smells onion-y. | ||
| It's like fumes coming up from an old onion. | ||
| I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and I didn't tell him this because his breath was so bad. | ||
| I literally thought he shit himself. | ||
| And I didn't know how to... | ||
| I just decided I was too high to break it down. | ||
| And he was sober. | ||
| And I was like, oh my god, I can't talk to you. | ||
| And it's so true. | ||
| People who have shitty breath want to tell you these fucking long, stupid stories. | ||
| And he wanted to tell me this long story. | ||
| And it was just like prisoners had been farting in his mouth. | ||
| It was just... | ||
| It was just like he had held his mouth open and every fucking prisoner in cell block D just farted in his mouth. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| I literally thought he shit his pants. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| It's not me, is it? | ||
| No, it's not you. | ||
| I would tell you. | ||
| It is weird, isn't it? | ||
| But it is weird how bad breath is almost like a demonic force that possesses people and compels them to tell the longest, most boring stories. | ||
| It is weird how people with bad breath want to tell you fucking stories. | ||
| It's a strange thing. | ||
| I want people to tell me about my bad breath. | ||
| If I have bad breath, please tell me. | ||
| Because I know I have it. | ||
| Especially if I do a long show. | ||
| You do a show and you're talking for an hour and a half. | ||
| Your breath must be gross. | ||
| You drink a little water here and there. | ||
| But you're not refreshing your mouth. | ||
| It's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stomach acids. | |
| It's probably disgusting. | ||
| Tell me! | ||
| But I wouldn't tell him. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Some people can handle it. | ||
| Some people get all butthurt. | ||
| Remember when you went through that brief phase where you were like, I'm not wearing deodorant. | ||
| It's the smell of a man. | ||
| And you were going everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's stinking. | |
| What the fuck was so bad about? | ||
| Well, I thought that, first of all, deodorant, I thought it was bad for you. | ||
| And it is bad. | ||
| But I decided that if you get cancer from deodorant, you're a fucking pussy. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| That's how I feel. | ||
| Yeah, I stopped wearing deodorant for a little while and just washed myself. | ||
| But I'm way too funky. | ||
| And I eat too much meat, man. | ||
| I'm too much of a predator. | ||
| I smell my armpits. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Do you think that, like... | ||
| That's why deer run from you, by the way. | ||
| Do you think if you lived on some kind of forest saint diet and you only ate honey and fucking flowers, you think you'd stop stinking? | ||
| Oh yeah, 100%. | ||
| Yeah, part of what you're smelling is uric acid and all sorts of different shit that comes through your pores. | ||
| It comes directly as a result. | ||
| A lot of the smells... | ||
| It comes directly as a result of eating meat. | ||
| In fact, that's one of the things that deer freak out about. | ||
| When deer catch you in their nose and they run away, that's like when they run away the quickest. | ||
| When we were hunting, when the wind would come off of you and go towards the deer, they would go, I'm getting the fuck out of here. | ||
| There was no mistake in their mind that you were a predator. | ||
| You smell like a meat eater. | ||
| I think there's a smell. | ||
| Like, vegans have a very different smell than people who eat a lot of meat. | ||
| If you eat, like, a lot of steak and burgers and shit, you definitely develop a different smell. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| Yeah, 100%, man. | ||
| You know, your shit smells different. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| When I drink nothing but kale shakes for a couple days, my shit doesn't smell bad at all. | ||
| It goes right through me. | ||
| It smells like pineapples. | ||
| And I flush this giant green pineapple smoothie out of my ass. | ||
| But it doesn't smell bad at all. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When you're eating a lot of meat, man, you're breaking down a lot of shit. | ||
| Look, man, I'll tell you the recipe for some pretty awful dumps if you want to know out there. | ||
| I got mine, too. | ||
| We should share it. | ||
| Let's make a cookbook. | ||
| A poop book. | ||
| Booze is important. | ||
| Oysters. | ||
| Oysters will... | ||
| Oysters, think about what that is. | ||
| Oysters are like the phlegm of the ocean. | ||
| They're just like these already mucousy things. | ||
| Oysters destroy me. | ||
| I can't do it anymore. | ||
| Starbucks destroys me. | ||
| One of these coffees, every time I'm halfway through it, I just have to run. | ||
| It's a colon cleaner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have to go again, I think. | ||
| There's nothing like the kale shake, though, for cleaning the colon out. | ||
| Kale shakes are ridiculous. | ||
| You can't even hold it in. | ||
| Have you ever gotten a colonic? | ||
| No. | ||
| I heard it's awesome, though. | ||
| I've also heard that it's not good for you. | ||
| I've heard conflicting things. | ||
| I've heard it's good for you, it's not good for you. | ||
| What did Penn and Teller say? | ||
| They said it's bullshit. | ||
| See, the problem with Penn and Teller is Penn and Teller also said that yoga is bullshit. | ||
| Yoga is not bullshit. | ||
| Yoga gets you high. | ||
| And the only reason why anybody would say that yoga is bullshit is because they're out of shape and they're not in tune with their body. | ||
| We need to get pet on this podcast. | ||
| Yeah, they're not in shape, they're not in tune with their body, and they don't understand that you are releasing tension and you're creating a different state of consciousness when you do yoga. | ||
| Yoga definitely gets you high. | ||
| There's no question about it. | ||
| I've had real, legitimate, life-changing experiences after yoga where I've really sat down. | ||
| When I say life-changing, I mean in degrees, left, right, forward. | ||
| There's like certain times where I've had experiences in my life that were literally life-changing because I sat down and that extra inspiration that I got from that moment that extra positivity that extra clarity that I got moved me in a percentage of a point in one direction and it's almost always towards the good I've had that from yoga. | ||
| No question about it. | ||
| It's not just because I chose to have it. | ||
| It's also because those techniques of all that stretching and all those things release tension from the body. | ||
| And the way your body carries around tension directly affects the way your mind works. | ||
| It directly affects how you interact with people. | ||
| True yoga people, the real yoga people, are fascinating to be around, man. | ||
| They're really cool and calm. | ||
| There was this dude from South Africa I used to take yoga with. | ||
| He was so real, man. | ||
| He was the real deal, man. | ||
| There's a lot of those fake yoga guys that try to, like, fuck chicks and, you know, they try to, like, be fake spiritual and they sing, like, Indian songs, you know, that they memorize just to fucking impress people with their Hindu street cred. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You know that kind of fake thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, sure. | |
| I've seen them giving massages at raves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| With their dirty Birkenstock song on, you know. | ||
| Say namaste. | ||
| Get out of here, bitch. | ||
| Don't you namaste me, you son of a bitch. | ||
| I know what you're up to. | ||
| The people who really practice that shit, man, they don't act like that at all. | ||
| None of it's there. | ||
| It's a whole different fucking animal to the point where it can be shocking because you kind of expect people to be a certain way. | ||
| This is a funny thing. | ||
| This is like one of the fun thought experiments you can do is right now, maybe you don't, but right now in a lot of people's minds they already have this idea of what an enlightened person should act like. | ||
| You already have that idea. | ||
| Here's what they might be like. | ||
| Your mind will try to create an idea of what enlightenment looks like. | ||
| And that idea is always wrong. | ||
| It's never like that at all. | ||
| This is that saying, if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him. | ||
| That's the idea, which is like anything in your mind that's kind of defining the way you think an advanced person should be, Creates a real big problem because you'll start pretending to be that way. | ||
| You know, you start putting on a costume or a show. | ||
| But yeah, most of those folks you run into are the real deal, man. | ||
| They're just totally in the fucking moment. | ||
| They'll go with anything. | ||
| It's really hard to be the real deal. | ||
| The real deal? | ||
| The real world. | ||
| No, the world. | ||
| How do you say world? | ||
| World. | ||
|
unidentified
|
World. | |
| No, you didn't say that. | ||
| World. | ||
| It's the best thing in the world. | ||
| World. | ||
| World. | ||
| He doesn't say world. | ||
| He says world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
World. | |
| W-R-O-L-D. World. | ||
| World. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| White Castle's awesome. | ||
| It's the best place in the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut the fuck up. | |
| Please shut the fuck up. | ||
| He's changed from supporting the Olive Garden. | ||
| Now he's changed to White Castle. | ||
| Well, well. | ||
| It is fucking good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're really drunk, it's delicious. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's biscuits for drunk people. | ||
| It's gray meat. | ||
| In the future, I'm going to make my own White Castle, but it's going to be Red Castle for Los Angeles. | ||
| What we need is Fuddruckers to back us up, and you get those fucking ostrich burgers. | ||
| You ever get a raw or rare, rather, ostrich burger at Fuddruckers? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, goddamn, son, that shit is good. | ||
| We could have that at Red Castle. | ||
| Ostriches are cunts, too. | ||
| They're birds, and birds are dinosaurs, and all dinosaurs can go fuck themselves. | ||
| I'll eat the shit out of an ostrich. | ||
| I will eat the shit out of an ostrich. | ||
| I will kimura an ostrich's neck and kill it and eat the shit out of it. | ||
| When I was living in Asheville, their necks are perfect for strangling. | ||
| I bet you can't even guillotine them, though. | ||
| I bet their necks just go right with it. | ||
| I bet they can peck the fuck out of here. | ||
| Peck your dick while you're trying to guillotine them. | ||
| I used to be so poor when I was living in Asheville that I would go to Fuddruckers and order a bun and just, like, eat the lettuce and the tomatoes and the onions from the fucking hamburger bar. | ||
| Dude, and you had cheese. | ||
| You had everything. | ||
| You could make a grilled cheese sandwich out of relish and pickles and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, you just make a shitty salad with bread. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| Asheville, North Carolina is one of the last great spots on earth. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty great. | ||
| I almost didn't want to tell people about it. | ||
| When we got back, we were wandering and walking around on the streets. | ||
| I was like, this is one of those places where you could walk around the streets. | ||
| And it's small. | ||
| It's a small town. | ||
| But it had all these bars. | ||
| You can walk from bar to bar. | ||
| And people were friendly. | ||
| And I was like, whoa, Duncan, this is a crazy place. | ||
| We're in like one of the last great places on earth. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Asheville, North Carolina is one of the last great places on earth. | ||
| We walk to a Kava bar, okay? | ||
| There's bars everywhere and nice people and, eh, sure, there's a few drum circles and there's a few fucking hippies sitting on the ground on the sidewalk. | ||
| There's a little of that. | ||
| I'm gonna just fucking say this, and I know, forgive me for saying it, but drum circles are fun. | ||
| Just fucking go to one. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| You get to bang on a drum. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's like awesome. | ||
| They never smell good, though. | ||
| No. | ||
| No one's ever accused a drum circle of smelling great, but they're fucking fun. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| Do you like the smell of sage? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's the worst smell ever, right? | ||
| I don't like that smell. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| Yeah, sage smells good when you're walking through it, when you're outside. | ||
| But you can't escape it. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| When it's on fire, when they burn sage to the spirits and shit. | ||
| When I was a kid, my mom burned sage in my room because she thought I'd summoned a demon. | ||
| Well, you know, salvia is sage. | ||
| Salvia is enormous. | ||
| That's why I thought it smelled like salvia the other day. | ||
| It smells like flashbacks. | ||
| Salvia, I don't know if that sage is psychoactive. | ||
| Hmm, I should find out. | ||
| Because if it's true, you could just find sage and smoke it. | ||
| Yeah, I went to the Day of the Dead at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. | ||
| When was that? | ||
| Friday. | ||
| And it was the worst experience ever. | ||
| It was so crowded. | ||
| There was one point you couldn't move any direction. | ||
| I just wanted to cry and run. | ||
| Are you ever doing any more comedy shows there, you think? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what's going to happen with that. | ||
| I'm so busy right now, I don't have time to do it. | ||
| That show was always fun. | ||
| Yeah, sage is salvia. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| No wonder I was having flashbacks. | ||
| One of the several genera, commonly... | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| G-E-N-E-R-A. What is that? | ||
| Genres. | ||
| Genera? | ||
| Genera? | ||
| It's got something to do with genetics. | ||
| Yeah, it's a botany term. | ||
| Several genera, whatever, commonly referred to as sage. | ||
| Let's give our listeners the answer. | ||
| What is... | ||
| Look it up in the dictionary. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Highlight it. | ||
| Look it up in the dictionary. | ||
| Genis. | ||
| There, that's right. | ||
| I thought it was that. | ||
| Principal taxonomic category that ranks above species and below family. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| And is denoted by a capitalized Latin name for E.G. Leo. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So, um... | ||
| It's one of the types of sage. | ||
| That's what salvia divinorum is. | ||
| It's one of the several different kinds of sage. | ||
| So I don't know how much of that shit that you walk into when you're wandering through the woods. | ||
| It's a step over sage brush. | ||
| I wonder how much of that you light on fire and see Jesus. | ||
| Probably not much. | ||
| I bet a lot of it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I bet it's pretty common. | ||
| Let's see how common is salvia in the wild. | ||
| Let's look up that. | ||
| Is that Target? | ||
| Yeah, you can get it at Target. | ||
| Shut up! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They sell salvia at fucking Target? | ||
| Salvia plants? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Go to Target.com and check it out. | ||
| You know what else they sell? | ||
| They sell fucking peyote. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, they sell the fucking cactus, man. | ||
| San Pedro cactus. | ||
| You can buy at any Home Depot. | ||
| You take that San Pedro cactus and make fucking peyote. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| No! | ||
| Yes, you can. | ||
| You can also take the fucking Morning Glory seeds and... | ||
| Smash them up and cook them and make a very potent psychoactive frog that's similar to LSD. LSA, I believe, is what it's called. | ||
| As a matter of fact, they've actually taken steps to make the seeds non-psychoactive. | ||
| They poison these fucking seeds. | ||
| They make it so it will upset your stomach. | ||
| Hawaiian rosewood, too. | ||
| That's another one. | ||
| Nutmeg. | ||
| That's another one. | ||
| Datura. | ||
| Devil's gypsum seed. | ||
| That's another one. | ||
| A huge spoon in the cinnamon is supposed to make you trip. | ||
| Yeah, in some parts of the world, particularly in northern Mexico and southwestern United States, like we live, bitches, Salvia Divinorum grows wild. | ||
| It's fucking wild out here, man. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| It's wild right here. | ||
| I don't like Salvia. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| I do not like that buzz. | ||
| I won't do it anymore. | ||
| Why? | ||
| What's the matter? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That buzz? | ||
| You can't handle it? | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| If you want to say it like that, I just don't like the feeling. | ||
| It's not a great high. | ||
| It's a dirty high. | ||
| It's a dirty high. | ||
| It feels like it does damage, too. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| After you get done doing it, you're sweating your ass off. | ||
| Your body goes from 0 to 100. Your heartbeat's going so bad, you're just drenched in sweat. | ||
| You have that dirty, my brain feels fucked up feeling. | ||
| It's just a gross feeling. | ||
| Almost like a sinus hangover or something. | ||
| It's a shamanic drug. | ||
| It's more in the line of, I don't know, but I've read that Ibogaine is not a pleasant high. | ||
| It's meant to be used in accordance with a shaman or someone who knows what they're doing to create some spiritual effect. | ||
| It's not meant so that you can fucking pass out in front of Mario Brothers in your trailer. | ||
| It's not the way people use it now. | ||
| They fucking smoke this shit with an Xbox playing in the background and a baby sleeping in the other room. | ||
| I don't think it's that kind of drug. | ||
| It's not one of the pleasant drugs. | ||
| There are psychedelics that if you take low doses, definitely can be social lubricants and can be fun for partying, but salvia doesn't feel like that at all. | ||
| Yeah, well, people that take it, that make videos of them taking it, they certainly support that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those videos of people, like Brian has a few of them out there, and the one with Ari freaking out, where Ari did it in front of him. | ||
| And Ari did it, and this is one of my favorite stories of Salvia. | ||
| Ari did it and lived another life for months. | ||
| He made friends, he had relationships, he lived a life in this artificial world for months, and then was snapped back to reality when it sobered up. | ||
| And he said he'll never forget it. | ||
| He said it was really weird listening to him describe it. | ||
| He's like, I had a whole other life for months. | ||
| I did it with Bobby Lee, and he said he felt like he was on a pirate ship covered in spiders. | ||
| Hey, Brian, you know, I don't think you're supposed to let these lasers hit you in the eyeball. | ||
| These are club lasers, so they're okay. | ||
| When you go blind in the club, it's fine. | ||
| There's pussy there. | ||
| They are okay, though? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They're for nightclubs and stuff like that. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| What happens if they hit your eyeballs? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| You know, I read this thing where they said that you're supposed to not wear sunglasses and that you should allow a certain amount of sunlight to hit your eyes because there's essential nutrients that you get from sunlight, just like you get nutrients from sunlight and vitamin D, and also you get nutrients that help your vision. | ||
| I never wear sunglasses. | ||
| I'm wearing them now just for Halloween, but I never wear them. | ||
| To the point where I think I probably fucked my eyes up a little bit from not wearing them. | ||
| Well, they say if you go skiing or something, snow blindness. | ||
| Callan knows a guy who went snow blind. | ||
| Literally, he went blind. | ||
| He climbed K2, and the snow was so bright, he didn't have sunglasses on. | ||
| He was only there for one day. | ||
| One of his eyes went blind. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| Yeah, I got sunburn on my eyeball because it rained. | ||
| I was in Myrtle Beach, and it rained on the table, and the table was glass. | ||
| And then I hung out and drank on the table for a few hours. | ||
| And the reflection off the water on the glass table, I guess, like, magnified the rays or whatever. | ||
| And for three days, I couldn't see. | ||
| Like, I couldn't open my eyes. | ||
| My eyes were watering and burning. | ||
| I just had to sit there and, like, close my eyes at Myrtle Beach for three days. | ||
| If you had to pick a sense to lose... | ||
| I wouldn't. | ||
| Let's not do this. | ||
| What would it be? | ||
| I don't like to do that. | ||
| Honey Boo Boo's mom or Honey Boo Boo? | ||
| Yeah, I like Honey Boo Boo's mom because she probably can't get pregnant anymore. | ||
| You would pick Honey Boo Boo's mom over being able to see? | ||
| No, I'm not talking about you. | ||
| No, it's Honey Boo Boo's mom or Honey Boo Boo. | ||
| Yeah, that's the question. | ||
| It's like we're not going to play. | ||
| You don't want to play that game? | ||
| No, it's stupid. | ||
| It's negative. | ||
| Negative. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's negative. | ||
| Just start talking about loss. | ||
| What would you rather do, lose your feet or lose your dick? | ||
| Stupid. | ||
| There's other things to think about. | ||
| By the way, that's an easy answer. | ||
| Yeah, it is easy. | ||
| Okay, because they make fake feet, but fake dicks don't feel shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Namaste. | ||
| I just enjoyed some amazing vegan salad. | ||
| Namaste. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Namaste. | |
| Duncan Trussell, why are you wearing a wolf hat? | ||
| This fucking hat? | ||
| Yeah, why are you wearing a hat? | ||
| You have to ask why I'm wearing the most amazing hat on earth. | ||
| Where'd you get it? | ||
| I got it in fucking Nevada City, Northern California, like the very, like the Emerald Triangle. | ||
| One of my friends got a legal marijuana farm up there. | ||
| There's no such thing federally. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| As a matter of fact, I'm going to have to stop smoking marijuana because I want to pursue my hunting obsession, my new hunting obsession. | ||
| So I'm going to quit pot. | ||
| If you guys were both single, would you fuck this girl? | ||
| Who wouldn't? | ||
| Okay, because that's a ladyboy. | ||
| You asshole! | ||
| That was like the easiest trap to set of all time. | ||
| That's not a girl. | ||
| That's a lie. | ||
| Thank God I had to think about it for a second. | ||
| I'd have to listen to her talk. | ||
| I'd probably be able to smell her and know. | ||
| I'd probably be able to smell her and know that she was a boy. | ||
| Brody just recently on a podcast came out and sang that he went to overseas for a movie, Bangkok, and tested out a ladyboy. | ||
| What'd he think? | ||
| So he now thinks he's 10% gay. | ||
| He doesn't want to... | ||
| Pursue that. | ||
| He just wanted to see if he was or not. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| How did they fuck? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Was he on top? | ||
| No, I guess it was just maybe a blowjob. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, you can get gonorrhea from mouth contact. | ||
| 300,000 cases of gonorrhea in 2000. Did you recently get gonorrhea? | ||
| No, I'm just telling you. | ||
| I'm just saying, don't let dudes who dress up like girls and give out blowjobs suck your dick because their mouth ain't too picky. | ||
| That's what I'm trying to say. | ||
| You should do public service announcements. | ||
| Everyone now who buys a gun must fill out the ATF form 4473 which asks, are you an unlawful user of or addicted to marijuana or any depressant, stimulant, narcotic drug, or any other controlled substance? | ||
| Well, that's an amazing question, first of all, because you can answer, no, I'm not, because I'm not an unlawful user, because I'm a medical marijuana user in the state of California where I had a doctor's prescription for it. | ||
| So, no, that's not a law, but it's not true federally. | ||
| And then it's to say, are you addicted to marijuana or any depressant stimulant? | ||
| What about coffee? | ||
| Like, they could, like, legally, they could bring you to jail if you drink coffee every day. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| This is how stupid this law is. | ||
| Narcotic drug or any other controlled substance. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's fascinating, man. | ||
| Oh, you're an unlawful user of. | ||
| And what does that mean? | ||
| A user of in the past tense or user of currently? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Because currently I'm not doing anything. | ||
| I'm not doing anything right now. | ||
| So I could say, I could write down that report, no. | ||
| Because currently I'm not. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But what does that mean, user? | ||
| How does that fit into your lifestyle? | ||
| Do you have every day you have to smoke a joint, just like every day you have to take your fucking thyroid medication? | ||
| No. | ||
| What kind of a weird-ass question is that? | ||
| What kind of a weird open-ended question is that? | ||
| And that can keep you from having a gun. | ||
| I just got my shit renewed yesterday. | ||
| Look how stoned I was in my picture. | ||
| You can't even see my eyes. | ||
| You look barbecued, son. | ||
| Yeah, isn't that fascinating, man? | ||
| Like, are you an unlawful user of, or addicted to? | ||
| First of all, the idea that you're addicted to marijuana. | ||
| That's like saying, are you addicted to washing your hands? | ||
| Because it's the same people that get addicted to marijuana or addicted to anything. | ||
| You just come up with something. | ||
| Isn't that an optimistic thing to put on your form? | ||
| Because you're just naively assuming that anyone's going to answer that question honestly? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, what they're doing is they're making it so that anybody who runs a medical marijuana plant can't arm themselves. | ||
| All right. | ||
| If you have a fucking farm and you're growing medical marijuana and the government comes in to take you, they can also bust you for having these guns illegally and for lying on these federal forms, which is just like perjury. | ||
| These fucking goblins, man. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| It's unbelievable that passed through. | ||
| So, you know, the Second Amendment is a very important part of anybody who wants to hunt their own food, be able to protect themselves from criminals, be able to protect themselves from predators. | ||
| If you live in like a rural community, if you live... | ||
| If you live in Montana and you're living out in the woods, like in that show Mountain Men, these motherfuckers, they need guns to shoot off bears. | ||
| They have bears that they need to shoot at. | ||
| I mean, if you don't, the bear comes and eats you. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| To say that they can't have bears because they also have arthritis that medical marijuana cures... | ||
| Look, here's the other fucking thing. | ||
| By the way, fuck the reason, goddammit. | ||
| Here's another fun thing you can do. | ||
| Shoot. | ||
| Shooting guns is just fucking fun. | ||
| It's fun to shoot bottles. | ||
| It's fun to shoot targets. | ||
| It's fun to shoot a gun. | ||
| It's just a blast. | ||
| The whole point is it's not about reason. | ||
| It's like you get to have a gun in this country if you want to have a fucking gun. | ||
| It shouldn't be based on whether or not you smoke something that grows out of the ground. | ||
| Meanwhile, you could have Hunter S. Thompson had a fucking bar. | ||
| It is shooting range. | ||
| A bar. | ||
| Have you ever seen that? | ||
| A full fucking bar with a butler? | ||
| You can have that, but you can't smoke pot and shoot? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, you could be... | ||
| You've got a prescription for Oxycontin as long as it's legal. | ||
| As long as it's legal, you don't have that problem. | ||
| Any person... | ||
| Bureau Assistant Director Arthur Herbert writes in the open letter to all gun sellers, any person who uses or is addicted to marijuana, regardless of whether his or her state has passed legislation authorizing marijuana use for medicinal purposes, is prohibited by federal law from possessing firearms or ammunition. | ||
| That shit makes me want to join the NRA. It really does. | ||
| You should. | ||
| I am going to. | ||
| I think I am. | ||
| I think the NRA was fucking dead right. | ||
| I think all this time that the NRA has been trying to stop the government from taking away gun rights, now I understand it. | ||
| Now I get it. | ||
| All this time I thought it was like, wow, these crazy gun nuts, they really want to have machine guns. | ||
| They really want to have assault rifles. | ||
| No. | ||
| They just don't want to have these people telling you what you can and can't have. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's simple, man. | ||
| It's a simple fucking right. | ||
| It's obvious, too. | ||
| The ATF, or the National Rifle Association, isn't commenting on it. | ||
| It says the National Rifle Association, which frequently butts heads with the ATF, has not put out a statement on the letter, and a spokesperson there did not return calls for comment. | ||
| A spokesman for Rocky Mountain gun owners was also silent. | ||
| Well, you know, that's really sad. | ||
| It's a really sad thing because that's just the pressure from pharmaceutical companies that are trying to make sure that medical marijuana doesn't spill off into some sort of a decriminalization event nationwide and, you know, to stop it in its place. | ||
| It started out in Montana. | ||
| And the reason why it's in Montana is because if you've ever been to Montana, a huge percentage of the people in Montana hunt. | ||
| When we were in Montana, everywhere we drove, people were, there was like signs that said, welcome hunters. | ||
| Like in bars and restaurants, it said welcome hunters. | ||
| There's a lot of fucking people hunting up there. | ||
| And there's also a lot of people up there that like to get high. | ||
| So they decided to kill the medical marijuana community there by making it so that if you are a legal registered medical marijuana patient, you can't own a firearm. | ||
| Oh well. | ||
| Fucking pigs. | ||
| Un-but-fucking believably gross, man. | ||
| It's really disgusting. | ||
| It said Jeff Dorscher, a spokesperson for the U.S. Attorney's Office in Colorado, said the decision whether to prosecute someone would be made on a case-by-case basis. | ||
| That's basically saying they have you by the balls. | ||
| There don't appear to be any cases in Colorado where people have been prosecuted for illegally owning guns because they are medical marijuana patients. | ||
| Because there's so many medical marijuana patients who have guns in Colorado. | ||
| You've just made felons out of a million people, and that's not exaggeration. | ||
| The medical marijuana community in Colorado is fucking amazing. | ||
| It's everywhere. | ||
| Isn't it basically a slippery slope, though? | ||
| The moment you, as a government, say that people can't consume a plant... | ||
| You can't overdose on. | ||
| The moment you're making laws like that, isn't it kind of a slippery slope where you can't expect there to be other logical laws following that? | ||
| I mean, isn't the thing, like, what they're doing is obviously wrong, and that seems to be part of what they do. | ||
| The federal government makes shitty laws that have no basis in actual reality and are just based on whatever their weird power agenda is. | ||
| It's that, but I think it's also them, it's a death row. | ||
| They're exposing their belly. | ||
| I think they're showing how fucking stupid their system really is. | ||
| That they're actually, they're creating a law that's going to make people angry and furious. | ||
| And the wrong people, gun owners. | ||
| Because gun owners and hunters are some of the most organized motherfuckers. | ||
| You know, it's really interesting how these fish and game departments are entirely funded by The conservation efforts are entirely funded by hunters. | ||
| Hunters and hunting And gun owners are the ones who organize like one of the best run departments in the entire country is the different states' fish and game departments. | ||
| They're incredibly efficient at managing game populations, at setting tag limits, at managing the number of livestock or wildlife rather, wildlife stock like men and females and they do all these surveys and tests. | ||
| They're incredibly efficient because it's all based on people who actually care about the environment, who actually go out And hunt these wild animals. | ||
| So you're going to get them against you. | ||
| And this is supposed to be the government. | ||
| This is supposed to be the people that are looking out for you. | ||
| There's no reason to pass this. | ||
| There's no fucking reason. | ||
| They're just making shit more complicated, making government deeper, creating more fucking problems, creating more cunty scenarios where you're going to lock someone in jail because they like to smoke weed and they like to hunt. | ||
| You dummies. | ||
| Yeah, P.S. All this makes me want to do is get baked and go shoot a gun. | ||
| All this makes me want to do is go to Canada. | ||
| That's what it makes me want to do. | ||
| It makes me want to run away from these stupid fucking laws. | ||
| These are dumb. | ||
| The idea that you could put yourself in jeopardy, that you could possibly get locked in a cage and not be able to see your family for an extended period of time because you did something that you wanted to do that didn't hurt anybody. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| And believe me, if you were stoned and you had a gun, you'd be careful as fuck. | ||
| Oh my god, you'd be so goddamn paranoid. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I think you would. | ||
| You might be an idiot, though. | ||
| You might just be like, dude, just start shooting things. | ||
| Man, when I grew up around guns, nothing is, like, growing up around guns makes you so safe with guns. | ||
| Like, since I was, like, can remember my dad, like, you know, because kids, like, little boys have fake guns. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And my dad would, like, even with the fake guns, he would, like, teach us, like, never point this at somebody. | ||
| Here's how you handle a weapon. | ||
| And then, of course, he would, like, taught us to shoot. | ||
| And it was, like, the way how strict and stern he was with weapons, like, I'll never forget that. | ||
| I'm so fucking careful when I get around guns because he, like, raised me in the right way. | ||
| And that came from being only people who haven't been around guns are afraid of guns. | ||
| Yeah, it's like when your kids find guns in your house. | ||
| If your kids are raised and taught what a gun is and what's important and why it's dangerous, they're going to be okay because they're used to being around them anyway. | ||
| Yeah, you know how to put the safety on. | ||
| You know when the safety's off. | ||
| You know not to fucking point at anyone. | ||
| You know not to have a bullet in the chamber. | ||
| All those things. | ||
| And also, by the way, if you've got fucking guns, the responsible thing is you have a goddamn gun safe. | ||
| You put your fucking guns in a safe. | ||
| You don't leave them around. | ||
| Yeah, period. | ||
| Yeah, it's really unfortunate when the government has to pass laws like this. | ||
| They don't have to, but when they try to pass laws like this to further some other agenda. | ||
| The agenda against medical marijuana is what it is. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| It's trying to slow the medical marijuana movement. | ||
| And so they involve guns, and I think it's a mistake. | ||
| It's fucking disgusting. | ||
| Did you see that editorial article CNN just put out on why we should legalize marijuana? | ||
| Yes, I did see it. | ||
| So cool. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Well, meanwhile, it's still illegal. | ||
| Meanwhile, people are getting arrested every 37 seconds. | ||
| Is that the statistic? | ||
|
unidentified
|
39, 37, 39. Jesus, man. | |
| Yeah, in this country, by the way. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking stupid. | ||
| Stupid. | ||
| It's a waste of goddamn time and it's become a business in and of itself. | ||
| That's the real issue. | ||
| The real issue is that it's become a fucking business. | ||
| The business of arresting people and keeping people in jail. | ||
| The business of closing down medical marijuana farms and catching Mexican drug runners living in the Northern California mountains. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they have giant, like, wild fucking, these huge setups out there where they have the shit growing wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, brains up there constantly. | ||
| You could just start planting it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they harvest it all. | ||
| But they have these dudes living up there in camps. | ||
| They even have a god or a saint, rather, that they pray to. | ||
| A narco saint. | ||
| Put on their fucking guns. | ||
| They have, like, pictures of this guy. | ||
| What is the Narco Saint? | ||
| He's got a name. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| I'll find out what his fucking name is. | ||
| Powerful Goo Goo. | ||
| Goo Goo? | ||
| Here's my Goo Goo. | ||
| Powerful Goo Goo. | ||
| What the fuck was that? | ||
| Jesus Malverde. | ||
| Sometimes known as the Generous Bandit, the Angel of the Poor, or the Narco Saint. | ||
| The Generous Bandit. | ||
| It's Robin Hood. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| Do you know what Robin Hood was initially about? | ||
| No. | ||
| The king owned land and you couldn't hunt the king's land. | ||
| Robin Hood would hunt the land and take the deer and give it to the poor. | ||
| That's what the robbing from the rich and feeding the poor was. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought it was about money. | ||
| It started out with that. | ||
| It started out with poaching. | ||
| Poaching the king's deer. | ||
| The king's motherfucking deer, man. | ||
| The king's always got deer. | ||
| Well, apparently the difference between the way wildlife is run in America and wildlife was run in the European world, and that was one of the things that made the United States so great when people came here from Europe, was that in Europe, all land and hunting is all owned by royalty and rich people. | ||
| And so there's no public hunting. | ||
| It's all on private land. | ||
| Whereas in America, the wildlife is all the peoples. | ||
| Even on private land, say if you own private land, you still can't shoot everything that's on that land. | ||
| You have to have a tag for the deer. | ||
| You have to kill only a certain amount of them according to how much population you have in the area. | ||
| And that was what made these Daniel Boone characters that came here from a European background so happy that they could live this sort of different life where they're running around just hunting whenever they wanted to and be able to provide for their family, which you couldn't do in Europe. | ||
| You literally couldn't go out and hunt food unless you went to a private location. | ||
| Land preserve. | ||
| There's still a lot of countries. | ||
| I think Scotland is still like that. | ||
| You can't just go there. | ||
| You have to go to these private places. | ||
| It's amazing, man. | ||
| It's incredible the different things that powerful people will do. | ||
| Cunt! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fix the world, Duncan. | ||
| I'm working on it, man. | ||
| You're the king. | ||
| Fix the world. | ||
| How do you do it? | ||
| How do I fix the world? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, I mean, obviously, we start paying teachers the amount that we pay doctors, creating a competitive environment. | ||
| Even doctors are getting fucked over, man. | ||
| Well, okay, so we pay teachers a fuckload of money, so that it becomes... | ||
| Paying what you pay actors. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Can you imagine that? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| We have like Academy Awards for the best teachers. | ||
| So teachers become the celebrities, fucking make it so that it's the most competitive industry to get in. | ||
| So the people who become teachers are these fucking super genius, brilliant people who start really teaching kids about how incredible and beautiful the universe is. | ||
| Teach them about fucking Feynman. | ||
| Teach them how to like synthesize LSD. Boom! | ||
| You do that, man. | ||
| That's terrorist behavior, as labeled in the Patriot Act, what you just said. | ||
| What, teaching them about Feynman? | ||
| No, the other part. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Hey, everybody! | ||
| Fuck them, dude! | ||
| No, that's the problem, man. | ||
| You fucking start with the kids, get them educated, get them excited about life, get them to understand that we exist in a beautiful, juicy, vibrant world, and that your brain is an alchemical laboratory which can produce thoughts, which if you put those thoughts into action, can transform your entire planet in the same way that the invention of electricity or the varieties of technologies that have come from the mind have shifted our planet, uh... | ||
| Completely and perhaps perpetually. | ||
| You teach kids that. | ||
| Your mind is a fucking, is the laboratory from which every single innovation that has affected your species has come. | ||
| You share the same brain that Einstein had, Feynman had, Buddha had. | ||
| You have that Here's different operating systems that you can decide on. | ||
| You teach them about yoga. | ||
| You teach them about health. | ||
| You get them fucking high when they're ready. | ||
| Initiatory rituals. | ||
| You bring them into a visceral experience of the beauty of life. | ||
| Instead of putting them in little fucking boxes, making them sit at uncomfortable seats and listen to underpaid, angry people. | ||
| Not all of them. | ||
| Some teachers don't give a fuck and they're beautiful people. | ||
| But some of them are like not being treated with any kind of respect and the end result is they're phoning it in. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And so that makes kids, when they think about reading or books or math or any of it, they just have this like the same reaction you have when you've gotten a tequila hangover and someone offers you tequila. | ||
| Because you've been having this shit pumped into you in the absolute wrong way. | ||
| We can't educate kids the way we make foie gras by fucking Of course, we all could. | ||
| Okay, but devil's advocate, when you look at the possibility of computer simulations and you look at the idea that life is some sort of computer program, those people inspired you to not be like them. | ||
| Those people inspired you with energy and the motivation and will to move past their paradigm and to see the error of their ways. | ||
| And one of the best ways to see the error of someone's ways is to see someone who's just preaching bullshit living a miserable life. | ||
| You see it and it's like it's almost more powerful sometimes than a positive image and a positive message. | ||
| Some of the reason why I got motivated to do all the things that I did was because I was raised shitty. | ||
| I'll tell you what's motivated me, dude. | ||
| What's motivated me is running into some really great teachers in my life. | ||
| You. | ||
| My friend Emil Amos. | ||
| This guy is a fucking amazing musician. | ||
| He's a genius. | ||
| Different college professors. | ||
| The professor who convinced me to go to fucking India. | ||
| Like, really brilliant people. | ||
| I agree with that. | ||
| You've done the same thing to me, as have all of my friends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I also think that the people that are trying to stop me and the people that have said shitty things to me, those people just, they started a fire inside me. | ||
| I don't know if it would have been there if it was just a positive reaction. | ||
| I think the yin and the yang is important. | ||
| And I am certainly not... | ||
| Clearly, you're never going to get rid of this fucking negative element, but you can be with people who teach what you just said, which is a kind of Nietzschean idea that part of what we need is a thing to resist. | ||
| We need a thing to rise above. | ||
| We need a thing that we can get angry at that motivates us. | ||
| But that shit can be taught. | ||
| You can teach that to kids. | ||
| You can teach that to people. | ||
| You can show people that... | ||
| You can just bring people these philosophies that have been developed by super geniuses and let the kids pick. | ||
| Let them decide. | ||
| And you can do it coming from charismatics and coming from performers instead of coming from people who just want to get fucking home. | ||
| So there's positive ways to achieve results. | ||
| And there's negative ways to achieve positive results. | ||
| And the negative reinforcement forces you to rebound and to push away from that and thus create a positive result. | ||
| But it's also possible to create that positive result with correct nurturing and a real philosophy for life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A real positive philosophy. | ||
| So it's almost like we're almost... | ||
| We're almost destined to follow a positive. | ||
| We have several different options for achieving a positive result, including being raised badly, including being raised by someone who doesn't care about you and forces you to be a much more loving and caring parent. | ||
| You know, this is a story. | ||
| This is going to really probably piss off a lot of the audience because it's a Jesus story. | ||
| But I just read it. | ||
| Somebody sent me this book of, like, monks writing essays on the Gospels. | ||
| And there's this... | ||
| And when you hear this at first, it's like, come on, that's so fucking stupid. | ||
| But then when you think about it, it's kind of a cool idea. | ||
| But there's this story, like, Christ is walking through the temple with his fucking disciples, and there's a blind man that he heals. | ||
| And they ask him... | ||
| Why was that man blind? | ||
| Why was that man born blind? | ||
| Is it because of his sins? | ||
| Now you have to understand this is coming from a primitive desert philosophy. | ||
| Sins and all that shit. | ||
| But they're saying, is it because of his karma? | ||
| Or is it because his parents' bad karma? | ||
| They're asking like, what's the reason that this guy is fucked up? | ||
| And the response is really brilliant. | ||
| And the response was, the guy, and if you take it literally, it's stupid, but the response was, he was born blind so that that miracle could be worked through him, so that novelty could come into the universe in the moment that he regained his sight. | ||
| And I think that's a really beautiful fucking idea, which is that your situation, whatever your specific situation happens to be that is a negative, backed into a corner, dark fucking place, in one way, it's the most awful thing ever. | ||
| But in another way, there is nothing more fucking beautiful Like when you have a friend who's like a desperate, horrible, fucking alcoholic, whose life has gone to shit, who's broke all the time, and is almost dying, and you see him overcome that fucking addiction, and all of a sudden this guy, wherever he goes, to anyone who's an alcoholic, is like a living representation of the fact that you don't have to live like that. | ||
| That is fucking powerful. | ||
| So your negative state, whether you're obese, whether you're drunk, whether you're on heroin, whatever the fucking thing is that you happen to be in because of circumstance or whatever, that has the potential energy. | ||
| You can convert that into a living teaching. | ||
| So that everyone around you can see that you mastered yourself and rose above the darkness. | ||
| And the people who are in that dark place, they'll be inspired by that a million times more than reading the Bhagavad Gita a thousand times or seeing something written down. | ||
| Because you're the living example of the fact that life, human life, and the human individual's life can radically transform for the positive if you focus. | ||
| And if you are, there's some luck in there too. | ||
| So the point is... | ||
| These negative situations, they're given to us, I don't want to say given, but they're an opportunity to really show people shit can get better. | ||
| You know like when you see someone who's a cunt? | ||
| And they're yapping about whatever the fuck, you know what I mean? | ||
| But their life sucks and they're always in drama and they're in a bad relationship. | ||
| You know, it's like, what are you talking about? | ||
| But when you run into an authentically happy person who's utilized principles and transformed their lives, you fucking listen to that, man. | ||
| Well, when you run into people that are doing things also, you feel the need to do things. | ||
| When you read about someone who's inspirational, you get inspired. | ||
| We draw energy from other examples, including negative ones. | ||
| You'll see a fat person who'll motivate you to go to the gym. | ||
| You'll see some guy on a fucking scooter with his gut hanging over the handlebars, and you'll throw the Twinkie away. | ||
| We're capable of taking positives from negatives. | ||
| Damn right, we can draw energy from all sources. | ||
| It doesn't just have to be like inspirational people. | ||
| Certainly you can like, really the idea is whatever the energy is coming into you, shift it, turn it, transform it, be the fucking prism that shifts whatever that energy is into like a beautiful rainbow instead of like a turd. | ||
| And even when it is positive, just let it enhance your rainbow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Enhance your beautiful vision of the world and pump it up even further. | ||
| And, you know, that idea, it's something that, like, people can say, oh, you guys talk about that all the time. | ||
| I really think you have to. | ||
| I think it's something that's a mantra. | ||
| I think it's something that needs to be repeated. | ||
| It's an ethic that needs to be ingrained in our mentalities. | ||
| And that's why I say it all the time. | ||
| Because I'm also doing it for myself. | ||
| I want to pump my own version of it up in my own head. | ||
| I'm not immune to negative feelings and thoughts. | ||
| I'm just a very diligent watcher. | ||
| I'm a very diligent guard of my consciousness. | ||
| So when I repeat positive things, it's not that I'm trying to convince myself. | ||
| It's I'm reinforcing these positive traits in my own mind and in the mind of other people. | ||
| It may be a bit repetitive sometimes and get a bit redundant, but I think we need it. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think you need it yourself. | ||
| I think I need it. | ||
| I think society needs it. | ||
| I think it's missing. | ||
| It's missing from all of our entertainment. | ||
| It's missing from Anderson Cooper's CNN reports. | ||
| It's missing from the fucking news of all the shit of the day and the hurricane devastation. | ||
| There's missing a broadcast from... | ||
| From the collective consciousness, a broadcast from the culture of the world that we can slowly but surely, despite all the news and evidence to the contrary, slowly but surely all move towards a more positive state. | ||
| This thing you're talking about is what I think of as the river and the forest effect. | ||
| Have you ever been walking in a forest and suddenly you become aware of the sound of the river? | ||
| It's been there the whole time, but it's such a subtle sound that blends in with the wind and the sound, but all of a sudden you hear that light trickling of water running over rocks. | ||
| That's what you're talking about. | ||
| It's a kind of like metaphysical river that runs through everything and it's very subtle and it's very easy to forget that it's there. | ||
| And we gotta figure out how to get it to the ATF. We gotta figure out how to get it to these fucking crazy assholes. | ||
| The same people that brought you the Fast and the Furious trying to lock you up for having a rifle and a fucking medical marijuana license. | ||
| We gotta get this to the same people that run the federal bank that want to pretend there's some fucking crazy debt that we have to pay off. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Where's that money? | ||
| What does it even mean? | ||
| What does your money represent? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You fucking crazy assholes with your numbers and your fucking, the scroll underneath the, when you're watching the news and that stock market scroll goes under, you're like, what are you saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fuck are you doing? | ||
| We have to fix it. | ||
| Well, first, fucking hear it yourself. | ||
| That's the first goddamn step. | ||
| Fix the people, goddamn it. | ||
| And then get to the point where the consciousness has evolved so much that it's ridiculous to everyone, including the people that are in charge. | ||
| Yeah, but this is another thing we always say, but just talking about this reminds me of it, man. | ||
| It's so easy to forget this shit, and it's so easy to go out into the world and everything's goddamn rubbing you the wrong way. | ||
| Everything can seem so fucking terrible, but then when you realize, no, you don't have to be a victim. | ||
| You can either get rolled by the wave of phenomena or you can surf on the fucking top of it. | ||
| And when you remember that, then suddenly when you go out into the world, the asshole you run into at the fucking gym, the shitty waiter, whatever the cunt in traffic, these things become little packets of energy that you can use to enhance your existence and to grow. | ||
| But god damn, it's easy to forget. | ||
| And it's easier to let them to be rolled. | ||
| It's easier to be angry. | ||
| It's a form of laziness. | ||
| Yeah, when intellectual laziness and physical laziness, that's one of the things. | ||
| Look, in order to have a sound body, you have to have a sound mind. | ||
| It sounds like a cliche, but it's fucking true. | ||
| You gotta eat healthy, you gotta drink a lot of water, and you gotta get some fucking exercise in. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If you don't get some exercise in, your body's gonna betray you. | ||
| Your body's gonna lie to you, it's gonna give you stress that's unnecessary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's gonna send you signals that you have to deal with. | ||
| You need to keep your fucking machine healthy. | ||
| Your vehicle for traveling through this dimension is your body. | ||
| Keep that bitch healthy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| See that? | ||
| See this shit? | ||
| This is water. | ||
| I drink a liter of this every couple hours. | ||
| I just slurp this shit down. | ||
| I piss like a racehorse. | ||
| I piss every five seconds in my pants. | ||
| It's important, folks. | ||
| Take your vitamin. | ||
| Brian's over there with a glass of heroin mixed with AIDS. I flavor my heroin with AIDS. There's nothing like heroin flavored AIDS. Take off your glasses and show the world your eyes, Duncan Trestle. | ||
| Let them know. | ||
| Let them see your soul. | ||
| Let them see through the windows of your soul. | ||
| They're fun to wear those glasses, man. | ||
| Folks, this podcast is over. | ||
| Can I talk about a show? | ||
| Fuck yeah, you can. | ||
| I have this show coming up. | ||
| I'm going to be at the Fun, Fun, Fun Fest this weekend in Austin. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's this badass festival in Austin that happens on the 4th. | ||
| Everything is badass in Austin. | ||
| It's probably not very fun, though. | ||
| But the show, please come to this. | ||
| It's Fitzgerald's in Houston on the 6th. | ||
| That is a show that I really would love for you guys to come. | ||
| I have one in Dallas, but it's sold out. | ||
| But the one in Houston, there's still tickets November 6th at Fitzgerald's. | ||
| If you go to my website, dunkatrustle.com, you get tickets there. | ||
| Powerful Tonkin. | ||
| Thanks, Joe. | ||
| Thanks for letting me plug that. | ||
| Please, anytime, man. | ||
| This weekend, Seattle, Washington on Saturday night, the November 3rd at the Moore Theater is completely sold out. | ||
| Sorry, bitches, but we're just awesome. | ||
| Voodoo Chicken, are you going to make a scheduled appearance? | ||
| We're going to contact Voodoo Chicken. | ||
| Brian Redband's coming, and of course Greg Fitzsimmons will be there as well. | ||
| And by the way, when I say that we're awesome, Seattle, I mean you guys too. | ||
| I mean all of us together. | ||
| It's not just us. | ||
| I wouldn't say me and Duncan and Brian are awesome. | ||
| We're all awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're all a part of this awesome experience. | ||
| San Francisco, Friday night, November 2nd, at the Knob Hill Masonic Center. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Masonic. | ||
| Peace. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| All hail Moloch. | ||
| For me, it's just a place to perform, folks. | ||
| I call Live Nation. | ||
| I don't even call Live Nation. | ||
| I have a representative that calls them. | ||
| I don't even deal with those people myself. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I let somebody else do all the dirty work for me. | ||
| That was the only place. | ||
| There's nothing sinister about this Knob Hill Masonic Center. | ||
| And it'll probably smell like weed in there. | ||
| We're going to get our freak on. | ||
| San Francisco. | ||
| It's one of the greatest fucking cities ever. | ||
| By the way, dude, the Masons knew how to build a place to focus energy. | ||
| I performed in Masonic Halls. | ||
| You can really fucking blast the beam in those places, man. | ||
| You can really do it. | ||
| Well, it's supposed to be a really cool place. | ||
| And some tickets are still available for that. | ||
| Some tickets are also available for the Metropolis in Montreal on November 16th. | ||
| Are you coming with me, Duncan Trussell? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| To Montreal! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| I can't fucking wait! | ||
| I can't fucking wait! | ||
| Oh, can I say one more thing? | ||
| I forgot. | ||
| November 7th and 8th, I'm in New Orleans at the Hell Yeah Fest, so come to that, please. | ||
| Oh, Brian, my little calendar, you don't have up the 10th, which is San Diego. | ||
| And Joe Rogan on the Twitter page, please put that up, because Joey Diaz and I are at the Balboa Theater. | ||
| Maybe Brian Redband, too, if he wants to make a little trip down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
On what day? | |
| The 10th? | ||
| Oh, no, you're going to be out of town. | ||
| You're going to be in Ohio. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| I'm with Tom Segura and Dayton, November 8th, and Cincinnati, November 9th. | ||
| Those two shows are not selling as fast as the Columbus people. | ||
| Yeah, well, Columbus is strong, as always. | ||
| We might be looking into buying Brian's mom's place in Columbus. | ||
| She has a fucking bed and breakfast. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| And turn it into Death Squad Studios. | ||
| Turn it into the Death Squad Compound. | ||
| You're gonna fucking... | ||
| What are you gonna do with Brian's mom? | ||
| We're gonna get rid of her. | ||
| Throw her into the streets. | ||
| No, she's got two houses. | ||
| But one of them she owns is a bed and breakfast on a giant piece of land where we can hunt deer. | ||
| Dude, I like it. | ||
| How many acres did you talk to mom? | ||
| Oh, I haven't, but I will. | ||
| It's a lot. | ||
| More than 20 acres? | ||
| You saw just at the driveway. | ||
| Yeah, it looks pretty big. | ||
| We need a few hundred acres. | ||
| We need a Ted Nugent-style high fence. | ||
| Keep some fucking buffalo roaming around. | ||
| Fucking tunnels. | ||
| I found a place online. | ||
| Some guy sent me this on Twitter where you can buy houses that are built on top of old missile silos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, hell yeah. | |
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| Let's get one of those, brother. | ||
| That's where they used to manufacture the LSD in a fucking missile silo. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| Let's get a silo! | ||
| That was the one that... | ||
| What's his face? | ||
| Hamilton Morris. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Silo Homes, man. | ||
| There's a lot of those. | ||
| These are incredible. | ||
| There's several homes for sale... | ||
| That are built. | ||
| If you go to silohome.com, you can check these out. | ||
| It sounds like the ultimate apocalyptic scenario. | ||
| Fun, fun, fun. | ||
| One of them has a fucking runway for a plane and this rustic-looking log house that's built over this several-floor missile silo that's converted into this crazy storage compound. | ||
| Fucking fascinating shit, folks. | ||
| Prepare for the apocalypse. | ||
| It is coming. | ||
| You know, it already came to New York and New Jersey and all our brothers and sisters out there on the beach in Jersey that lost your houses. | ||
| Mad love and respect to you and all the people in Long Island that lost their places, we feel for you. | ||
| That fucking hurricane's a cunt and a half. | ||
| And it may be just the beginning of more crazy storms. | ||
| You've got to keep moving, folks. | ||
| You can't stay in places that are getting ravaged by nature. | ||
| There's places on Earth right now where you can't live. | ||
| You can't live where there are volcanoes. | ||
| You can't live in Antarctica. | ||
| You can't live in the fucking North Pole. | ||
| We gotta keep moving, okay? | ||
| And that's one more aspect of our world where we have to understand that this is really, truly a global community. | ||
| And we can't live in the places that suck. | ||
| And we gotta be able to not be fucking territorial and accept people into new spots. | ||
| Mexico. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| And make love. | ||
| Make love and let jizz flow from your penis. | ||
| Blast that jizz, friends! | ||
| Blast it! | ||
| And make people, if you can, and raise them correctly. | ||
| And be nice to all the folks around you. | ||
| Drop love bombs. | ||
| Give the handjobs. | ||
| Don't put those off. | ||
| Give happiness. | ||
| Spread orgasms. | ||
| You just ruined everything with handjobs. | ||
| Handjobs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| Some girls don't do that when it's time. | ||
| Okay, I don't know what you're saying. | ||
| Sounds like someone has a repulsive penis. | ||
| How dare you! | ||
| No one wants to suck it. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It's like a root. | ||
| It's like the root of a fucking rutabago. | ||
| It's the root of all evil. | ||
| What's a rutabago? | ||
| A rutabag? | ||
| No, how dare you. | ||
| It's an oak tree. | ||
| No, I'm a penis model. | ||
| I use my penis for... | ||
| I'm a condom model. | ||
| Sweet. | ||
| Alright, folks. | ||
| For highlights. | ||
| That is the end of this week's podcasts. | ||
| Thanks to Onnit.com. | ||
| For sponsoring our podcast. | ||
| And On It is now going to sponsor all of the Death Squad podcasts. | ||
| Including the Duncan Trussell Family Hour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hell yeah! | |
| Which you can get on... | ||
| Where's my outfit? | ||
| Are you on Stitcher? | ||
| I'm on Stitcher. | ||
| Powerful Stitcher. | ||
| We're up for some Stitcher awards. | ||
| By the way, I don't give a fuck if we win or not. | ||
| Because I'm not really an awards guy. | ||
| I think the awards for art are silly. | ||
| But if you give me it, I'll accept it. | ||
| We're... | ||
| Fucking shows over. | ||
| Onnit.com. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| Next week, we have Philip Kopens, Lost Civilizations expert on Monday. | ||
| Brian Callen is on Tuesday. | ||
| And Peter Dewsberg on Wednesday. | ||
| He is the biologist from the University of California, Berkeley, that does not believe that HIV causes AIDS. Ooh. | ||
| We got a lot of cool shit coming on, folks. | ||
| A lot of craziness, you fucking dirty freaks. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| And by the way, the new studio should be any week now. | ||
| It's almost done. | ||
| We're setting up some things next Wednesday. | ||
| We may very well start broadcasting live in the month of November. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to be sick. | ||
| All right, you fucks. | ||
| We love you. | ||
| We love the shit out of you. | ||
| And you are us and we are you. | ||
| One love. | ||
| Howdy Chris! | ||
| Keep it going. |
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