Oct. 29, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:25:55
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| So we're totally back, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, we had technological difficulties. - Probably. | ||
| Probably due to aliens invading our system. | ||
| Or CIA and FBI. If you are FBI, I just want to say I love your work. | ||
| You guys do some great shit. | ||
| Don't get us wrong. | ||
| We're not enemies of the state. | ||
| We certainly are not mad at you. | ||
| Did you see Argo? | ||
| Was that the FBI? No. | ||
| We're not mad at any... | ||
| What we're mad at ultimately is that we're in a broke system. | ||
| Not the people that are in the broke system that are just trying to make a living. | ||
| I'm the last person that would be upset at the people that are... | ||
| I think human nature, when you're inside of a situation, like when you have the kind of ultimate control of the people that are in the head of a government, anybody that would pass something like the National Defense Authorization Act or anybody that would... | ||
| That's like you've gotten to this incredible position of ultimate control. | ||
| You can do some really ridiculous shit. | ||
| I feel bad for people to get to that spot. | ||
| I think everyone is. | ||
| I think I'd fuck up too. | ||
| If I could see I could start furrowing off money just to get a retirement plan for myself, I would just do it. | ||
| By the way, that's Ari Shafir. | ||
| That's Ari Shafir. | ||
| Everybody knows it's Ari Shafir. | ||
| It says it on the iTunes things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are we supposed to be professional now? | ||
| Dude, I've gone fucking hours in without introducing anybody. | ||
| You're like, who is this? | ||
| I should say powerful Ari Shafir, former number one on iTunes, bitches. | ||
| Respect. | ||
| How many weeks were you number one? | ||
| A full week. | ||
| A full fucking week. | ||
| Suck it. | ||
| All you silly bitches, suck it. | ||
| Yeah, it was great. | ||
| That's validation. | ||
| Yeah, fuck yes. | ||
| I just thought it would sell okay. | ||
| One of the coolest things about podcasting is that because of this network of podcasts that we've all put together... | ||
| We've all gotten to this point now where everybody is getting recognized for their stuff. | ||
| Duncan's doing these shows where he's fucking selling out like every weekend. | ||
| There are these crazy, ridiculous shows he's doing like every weekend. | ||
| He's packing places. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| And the club owners don't know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| They don't get it. | ||
| They're like, wait. | ||
| Like, what's happening? | ||
| Who are all these freaks? | ||
| Like, all these freaks with cats on their shirts. | ||
| And they're good drinkers and good tippers. | ||
| They're nice people. | ||
| And they're friendly. | ||
| Cats and weird Burt Kreischer propaganda. | ||
| Yeah, Burt Kreischer. | ||
| Every show. | ||
| I've never been to a show that didn't have a Burt Kreischer t-shirt. | ||
| Really, every show we go to has a Burt Kreischer t-shirt. | ||
| I got an idea with one of those, either Tom or Christina or Duncan or somebody, that they were like, all these people go to see all of us. | ||
| So they should offer like a... | ||
| Buy four, get the next one half price, or whatever it is. | ||
| Death Squad members. | ||
| If you go buy a ticket for Duncan and Ari and Tom Segura, then Callan is this much, or whatever it is. | ||
| Or get a package and split it up. | ||
| I guess that would make sense, except someone would have to organize that shit. | ||
| You know it ain't gonna be you. | ||
| So you're the one with these grandiose plans. | ||
| I mean, we could barely get these fucking podcasts out. | ||
| I mean, yeah, for folks asking, we're still in the middle of building this studio. | ||
| It just takes time. | ||
| It takes time to put everything together. | ||
| Get Mexican labor! | ||
| Closer next week than this week. | ||
| But it's going to be cool when it's all done. | ||
| It's going to be fun. | ||
| It's a sweet setup. | ||
| But yeah, man, it is cool that all this stuff is taking off. | ||
| Yeah, it's beautiful to hear. | ||
| Joey Diaz, his podcast is always in the top ten of iTunes now. | ||
| He's killing them on the road. | ||
| In the morning, it does at 5 a.m. | ||
| I'm living in sleep for two hours. | ||
| Sounds like such a bad idea. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| He always woke up that early. | ||
| Yeah, he's an animal. | ||
| He's the one guy, like whenever I do Kevin and Bean, I have to be up at like 7 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| I always call him. | ||
| Yeah, you know he'll be awake. | ||
| Yeah, we go have breakfast together. | ||
| We've had breakfast together in Hollywood a gang of times. | ||
| He used to call me sometimes when he woke up a little too early and he would call me at like 4.15 just to see. | ||
| And I'd be like, hello? | ||
| And he just started laughing. | ||
| He's like, you're still up! | ||
| Breakfast in Hollywood is a weird thing, man. | ||
| Oh, it's good there. | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| There's a bunch of good places. | ||
| The Griddle, what is that called? | ||
| The Griddle, yeah. | ||
| But what's weird is the people that you run into. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| It's the weird, that vibe. | ||
| Who's up that early? | ||
| Just the Hollywood morning vibe. | ||
| Hollywood is such a strange fucking place. | ||
| Yeah, the percentage of fakers is super high. | ||
| You feel that in the air, you know? | ||
| Yeah, you're like, what? | ||
| You feel like a lack of authenticity. | ||
| You sound like you're bullshitting me for no reason. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just ask you what time it is. | ||
| Just give me a story. | ||
| It's so hard to deal with people, isn't it, Ari? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Diaz and I, by the way, are doing the House of Blues in Chicago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Powerful. | |
| When is this happening? | ||
| November 8th. | ||
| Powerful November 8th. | ||
| House of Blues in Chicago. | ||
| We're going to pack the fucking House of Blues in Chicago. | ||
| That's going to be fun, man. | ||
| Yeah, that's going to be an event when people are driving in for that one. | ||
| Yeah, that sounds sick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Ari Shafir, what is it like, man? | ||
| Just a few years ago, you were in this crazy struggle situation. | ||
| It's the best! | ||
| It's so much better! | ||
| You just get to go to these places and do your stand-up. | ||
| That's all I wanted to do. | ||
| That's all I wanted to do. | ||
| Just go and tell the jokes I prepared. | ||
| And no one would let me. | ||
| You would let me. | ||
| Nobody else would let me. | ||
| I get to the end of a week, I'm like, so, that was pretty good, right? | ||
| I mean, you saw that was really, do you think I can come back one day? | ||
| Next to no money? | ||
| Can I please? | ||
| And they're like, yeah, nah. | ||
| I'm like, ah! | ||
| Yeah, they didn't have faith. | ||
| It's the greatest. | ||
| I'm out. | ||
| They've heard my album. | ||
| You know what it is, man? | ||
| It's like water seeks its own level eventually. | ||
| And if you had all this going on, if you were doing a podcast and everybody would come to see you and you weren't funny, it wouldn't be happening the way it's happening. | ||
| It's happening because of hard work. | ||
| It's like you're in this position. | ||
| It's like the perfect time for you because your act is really strong now. | ||
| Somebody pointed this out too. | ||
| Got a lot of new shit. | ||
| This is a weird thing with a lot of podcast people. | ||
| that right because of that the comics who do sort of an honest style of comedy just an open and honest style It's like there's a premium put on that now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so they've already been doing it. | ||
| So it's like, oh, good for you. | ||
| You're right at the right time. | ||
| You're good. | ||
| Yeah, because it's very hard to do that style of comedy if that's not what you've been doing. | ||
| If you've been doing a sort of contrived bullshit act, it's very tough to drop that and be real. | ||
| Yeah, and early on, that's what everybody does. | ||
| It's just like, here's a joke I wrote, I guess. | ||
| Yeah, you ever go back and listen to some of your early shit? | ||
| I put one up for Shits and Giggles once, like an early, early set. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I was like, this is just too... | ||
| No, someone's going to see this and think this is me. | ||
| This is just, no. | ||
| I'm taking this down. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| It's fucking hard, man. | ||
| And then the worst, too, is people were writing, like, so funny. | ||
| And I'm like, ugh, you're wrong. | ||
| You're way wrong. | ||
| What have you liked? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Everybody thinks they can do it, though. | ||
| Everybody that's got any sort of confidence, there's always that question, man, I've been thinking about doing stand-up. | ||
| Prepare some stuff, tell me what you think, and they'll go over the stuff with you and shit. | ||
| I can't express to you how terrible that sounds. | ||
| I don't want to dissuade you, but fuck, man. | ||
| I go, okay, who the fuck knows? | ||
| They might be able to do it. | ||
| But realistically, if I can give you an honest answer without hurting anyone's feelings, you would have to tell them, look, you've just started this, so of course you're going to be god-awful. | ||
| Yeah, that's hard for people to accept, though, especially smart people. | ||
| Smart people think that, yeah, you know what, though, man? | ||
| I know stand-up. | ||
| I listen to it. | ||
| I've watched it on TV before. | ||
| I think I have an idea how to do it. | ||
| I'm just going to bypass all that shit. | ||
| Dude, you didn't even get that with fucking farming. | ||
| I'm going to tell you how to plant a tomato 10 years in. | ||
| You'll be way better at it. | ||
| Yeah, that's with everything. | ||
| But stand-up is... | ||
| What people don't understand when they're watching it is that there's a hypnosis going on. | ||
| It's not as simple as someone saying something and you're reacting to that. | ||
| There's a little ride that a stand-up takes you on. | ||
| When someone's good and you watch them, to this day, you get caught up in their groove and you're tuned into them. | ||
| There's an exchange going on that... | ||
| It's not as simple as everybody wants to make it seem. | ||
| You say something funny, ha ha ha, this person laughs. | ||
| It's not that simple. | ||
| That's why when you say Tosh does something wrong by making a rape joke, you weren't there. | ||
| You don't know about the whole situation he's set up for the last however long. | ||
| He's built his crowd into something where now he can do what he wants. | ||
| Your god shit, I remember early on, you were like, I can't open with that. | ||
| I've tried, it won't work. | ||
| You've got to give him 40 minutes of calm down before you can hit him with that. | ||
| Yeah, like the whole thing that I used to do on Noah's Ark. | ||
| Noah's Ark, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, people would get upset, which is hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, so you have to get them on your side first. | ||
| And if you didn't, they'd be like, it's just not funny. | ||
| Well, it's also then, people didn't know what to expect. | ||
| They would come to one of my shows, and they would think they were going to get the guy from Fear Factor. | ||
| That's all my fault, really. | ||
| By hoeing it up, I'm doing shit like Fear Factor and taking money for those silly shows. | ||
| Were you ever like... | ||
| You set out a bad precedent. | ||
| Were you ever like this, they had a cut, where you're like, but fear is... | ||
| Not a factor for you. | ||
| No, it's never hard to do. | ||
| I would never be so pompous to pretend that it's actually difficult to do. | ||
| It's still an amazing job. | ||
| When did you start getting high while you were doing it? | ||
| Season 2. Season 2. So you knew it was coming back, the ratings were high. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I just started getting high around when Season 1 happened, but I didn't get high at work. | ||
| See, I know what to get high at and what not to get high at. | ||
| You went from not smoking at all to smoking at work within a year? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Wow, that's a big jump. | ||
| I was like, this is fun. | ||
| That skipped a bunch of years. | ||
| Yeah, I right away went to feeling very comfortable with it, going on stage with it high. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just, right away, I recognized that this is like some crazy truth serum. | ||
| Like, it's not, it's another thing. | ||
| It's not as simple as it seems. | ||
| You look at marijuana, oh, these guys are getting high, and you're just escaping reality. | ||
| You're actually doing the exact opposite of escaping reality. | ||
| You're seeing reality, you're just thinking for what it is. | ||
| Diving into it with the lights on as bright as possible. | ||
| There's nothing escape about getting high. | ||
| That's what people don't understand. | ||
| That's not what you're looking for, especially when you're smoking sativas, which is another problem. | ||
| People don't know that there's two completely different effects, that two completely different types of marijuana have. | ||
| I feel like telling that to people when they say, I'm sure you do too, when they say like, oh, I don't like weed. | ||
| I'm like, I don't want to insult you, but like, what weed have you had? | ||
| Yeah, you don't really know what you're talking about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and to people that say that it makes you, oh, it makes me sleepy. | ||
| Well, some weed can do that. | ||
| Let me give you some other weed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, this guy was sleeping at a party and somebody drew a deskwad logo on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| That is hilarious. | ||
| Meanwhile, how much did they finger this guy's ass? | ||
| That is hilarious, dude. | ||
| They did the deskwad cat on this guy's ass. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I had that once in Israel. | ||
| And they all signed their names all over it. | ||
| Look, people signed names all over it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Just signing him. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I had a picture of me in Israel, my fight when I got there because the drinking age is 18. And I was drunk, barf in a sink, like leaned over it. | ||
| Doritos in my ear and my nose. | ||
| My friends had put all over me and toothpaste drawn on me. | ||
| And that picture got back to my mom. | ||
| I don't know how it got back there. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh my God. | |
| And they were so fucking embarrassed by it. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| How hammered were you that they touched you like that? | ||
| We didn't know limits. | ||
| Tequila slammers. | ||
| You ever heard of a tequila slammer? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| You get the shittiest tequila, put a little Sprite in it in one of those triple shot glasses. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just slam it and then just drink it. | ||
| Yeah, you have to learn limits, huh? | ||
| You just keep drinking until you're throwing up. | ||
| Like literally the last shot is going down. | ||
| You're like, wait, hold it, hold it. | ||
| Yeah, that's the problem with drinking. | ||
| You know, that's something we could use drinking shamans. | ||
| We really could, you know? | ||
| I mean, there's shamans for ayahuasca. | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| Why don't they teach you about it in schools? | ||
| You're gonna get into it, but they still don't bother teaching you? | ||
| Well, let's just pretend. | ||
| Like abstinence is the best policy. | ||
| We should promote abstinence. | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| Why would you ignore what's inevitably going to happen? | ||
| On that trip we went into, that second semester of senior year, we all went there. | ||
| I was talking to one of my friends about it. | ||
| Like, why wouldn't they tell us about drinking? | ||
| Please. | ||
| People are going to fuck, too. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| They're going to fuck and they're going to drink. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because it's fun! | ||
| Okay? | ||
| People are going to fuck and people are going to drink. | ||
| Why don't they talk about that? | ||
| You can't be against educating people about condoms if you've ever seen an episode of 16 and Pregnant. | ||
| You're no longer against condoms. | ||
| You've got to teach these people. | ||
| There should be a better way than condoms. | ||
| There should be a really effective way. | ||
| Somebody can give you a shot. | ||
| Yeah, it's called abortions. | ||
| Dude, if you have had an abortion with a chick or gone where a girl's had an abortion, you know what that's like. | ||
| No, but if they make it good with lasers, like, bam, you're done. | ||
| You just got aborted. | ||
| Next. | ||
| Bam, you got aborted. | ||
| If I could take a shot, I'd be like, you'd be sterile for the next two days. | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| What are the side effects? | ||
| I know this girl that's on something that she gets a shot or something that lasts like four years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| The Nuva ring? | ||
| Yeah, she's like a total cum dumpster because of that because you can do whatever you want. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, she's gone. | ||
| So they have like four periods a year. | ||
| Is that one of those? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like inside. | ||
| It's four years. | ||
| Why doesn't every girl have one? | ||
| Same thing with girls on fucking birth controls. | ||
| Same thing with weed where it's like, have you had all of them? | ||
| Because there's new types now. | ||
| But it's kind of creepy, though, that you're pumping chemicals in your body like that. | ||
| You're tricking your body into thinking that it's pregnant. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| What is the long-term effects of tricking your body into thinking that it's pregnant? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| Delicious pussy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No worry about baby? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Have them negative effects more than fucking having to work a second job at the docks. | ||
| But those two things that people can't control when they're young is sex and alcohol. | ||
| Those are two things that you just... | ||
| Both of them are completely overwhelming for you. | ||
| Dude, I saw one of those kids talking. | ||
| And he was just some nerd who never got laid. | ||
| Some fat Mexican who never got laid. | ||
| And he was just like, no, I love you. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And he was just like, you don't know anything about anything. | ||
| And then a year later he won't talk to her. | ||
| And they're just figuring out who's going to raise the baby. | ||
| It's just like, you don't know anything. | ||
| Yeah, being a child and having a kid is really fucked up. | ||
| It's fucked up for everybody. | ||
| It's fucked up for the kid, too. | ||
| It's a mess. | ||
| But then the question becomes, when are you supposed to prevent it? | ||
| After the fact or before the fact? | ||
| And if after the fact, is it just you have to just accept it? | ||
| Or can you have an abortion? | ||
| Of course we can have an abortion. | ||
| Of course you can. | ||
| Living in a medical age. | ||
| Okay, but to what age? | ||
| How old can the fetus be? | ||
| Nine months. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What do you think, Brian? | ||
| What I do think, though, is that it's not as simple as everybody likes to say. | ||
| No, it's killing a baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because we're adults and we're making decisions and we don't want to make this life yet. | ||
| That's deep. | ||
| That's deep. | ||
| That's a heavy decision. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It really is. | ||
| That's what we put on human life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Before it comes out. | ||
| When it comes to a certain level, it's like when it's a bunch of cells, when it's like 30 cells, then it doesn't seem real. | ||
| Then it seems like you'd be able to get rid of it and not even feel bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But at what point in time? | ||
| How easy is it? | ||
| They just need to market it better. | ||
| You know, if it was like a really good marketing. | ||
| But abortion? | ||
| Yeah, if they had really good marketing. | ||
| It's really not so bad. | ||
| You know, like a clever person like Betty White marketed it for you. | ||
| I do like the marketing techniques they have is because the pro-life and pro-choice, when you think about just their names, they're not at odds. | ||
| They're both pro-choices and they're both pro-life. | ||
| Yeah, isn't that funny? | ||
| Pro-choice. | ||
| That's a funny way of putting it. | ||
| Because otherwise it's pro-life or pro-death or pro-choice or anti-choice. | ||
| Yeah, it's pro-life or pro-choice. | ||
| Those aren't opposites. | ||
| Yeah, it's one aspect of the subject. | ||
| What choice are you making? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| You can't just call it a choice. | ||
| It's pro-choice. | ||
| Everybody's fucking pro-choice. | ||
| It's just my choice is different than your choice. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That is a creepy thing, though, the idea that people would be anti-choice. | ||
| That's why when someone calls themselves pro-choice, it sets you up to fail when you're competing against them. | ||
| They're saying they're pro-choice. | ||
| If they just were the pro-baby-killing party? | ||
| Yeah, who does that? | ||
| That's what I'm in favor of. | ||
| That's not going to make you money. | ||
| I talk to girls before I have sex sometimes, and I'm like, you know, what have you had, and how do you feel about abortion? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It's a heavy conversation. | ||
| I'd just like to do it right away. | ||
| Ari's mercenary about it. | ||
| I don't want to fucking get in that thing where you just, oh, I didn't know that she would never have an abortion if anything happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just because I wouldn't bother asking, just saying the words once. | ||
| It's a little uncomfortable, so I'm going to raise some kid I don't want for fucking 10 years or however long you have to. | ||
| Isn't it crazy? | ||
| I just ask. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that you're playing like when you're not trying to have a baby with a chick and you're having sex with her. | ||
| Trying not to. | ||
| You're playing like this game of trickery with nature. | ||
| Nature's only rewarding you with those awesome feelings because that's how you make humans. | ||
| And imagine how good it feels if you're not even masturbating. | ||
| If you're not masturbating and you're just a person and neither one of you ever masturbates and you get together naked and you wind up fucking like, oh my god, of course you're going to come inside her. | ||
| Of course she's going to make a person. | ||
| That's how they rocked it, caveman days. | ||
| You wouldn't even think. | ||
| You were just like, he keeps feeling good. | ||
| I feel so good. | ||
| Don't stop this. | ||
| Why would they stop? | ||
| They would never stop. | ||
| It was a movie where people went, oh wait a minute, babies come out, pull out! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no! | |
| And they had to figure out what makes the baby part. | ||
| Ever that Louie bit about it? | ||
| No. | ||
| About if animals had to watch humans, like Animal Planet version of humans, they'd be like, see this mating, and then they'd pull out and shoot it on the floor or something. | ||
| They'd be like, what? | ||
| You were so close! | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You were right there! | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| I used to tell my friends in college when I was still a virgin, That masturbation was the same as sex. | ||
| And they were like, Ari, you're wrong. | ||
| I'm like, no, you guys are idiots. | ||
| It's the same thing that's happening physically to your genitalia. | ||
| How could it feel better? | ||
| It's the same act. | ||
| And they were like, you just don't get it. | ||
| How could you think that your hand could be as good as a pussy? | ||
| Because you coming would be the same. | ||
| That's you coming as you coming. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Isn't it funny that that's not the case? | ||
| Yeah, it's not at all the case. | ||
| Like when you're really into a chick and she's really sexy. | ||
| Especially when you're a little drunk and you love each other and you come. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Golly! | ||
| Golly! | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Boom! | ||
| It feels so good. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| Sweet corn in the morning. | ||
| It's supposed to be to make you make people. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| Yeah, that's why it feels so good. | ||
| You can't even think straight. | ||
| It's a biological trick. | ||
| It's a wonderful one. | ||
| I'll just wipe off the tip and put it back in. | ||
| It's made to perpetuate the species. | ||
| If you had to think about that with a straight mind, wiping off the tip and putting it back in would not be a viable option. | ||
| How about this one? | ||
| Just let me rub it on the outside. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that ever taking place ever in the history of the human race? | ||
| El Caco! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What happened to El Caco? | ||
| See, that was on one of my CDs. | ||
| That was on one of my CDs. | ||
| Me llamo El Caco. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, I don't put it in, I just rub it on the outside. | |
| That's the best Spanish accent I've ever done right there. | ||
| I've never been that on. | ||
| Me llamo El Caco. | ||
| That's right, I forgot about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
El Caco! | |
| Dude, working at the store as a fucking doorman and cover booth guy just helps you so much. | ||
| Watch all these fucking great comics. | ||
| And you just watch them and learn their technique and shit. | ||
| You get to see them do the same jokes a lot too, which is interesting as a guy learning how to do it. | ||
| Because everybody wants to think as an audience member that a person on stage saying something, that's the first time they've ever said it. | ||
| You really can't do that every time. | ||
| I mean, you kind of can, but it won't be as good, trust me. | ||
| It's better if we write stuff out. | ||
| It's better if we practice things a few times. | ||
| It's better if you get it out. | ||
| There's certain bits, no. | ||
| There's certain bits where right out of the gate, they're awesome. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| But you can't guarantee when those are coming and when they're not. | ||
| There's some dude in Indianapolis that came back to my show a second time, because he came one night, then he got my album, which was different, Revenge for the Holocaust, available on iTunes. | ||
| Revenge for the Holocaust, ladies and gentlemen, available on iTunes. | ||
| iTunes, Amazon. | ||
| But he was like, oh, it's different. | ||
| So I figured I'd come back again and see another show. | ||
| And he sat up front, and I couldn't even look. | ||
| He was on my right. | ||
| I did my whole act from straight to left. | ||
| I couldn't even look over there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no! | |
| I was like, dude, you shouldn't come back. | ||
| And he was like, it's alright. | ||
| Yeah, he had the same jokes. | ||
| That's so creepy. | ||
| It's a mind fog. | ||
| I feel so fake! | ||
| Yeah, but you gotta get over that, son. | ||
| You are fake. | ||
| You're a big fat faker. | ||
| You didn't just think of something when you were up there. | ||
| Don't come two days in a row. | ||
| You worked on it every night for six months. | ||
| I just realized. | ||
| No, you didn't, you fucking lying prick. | ||
| The Deskwad Ohio guys, they go to both shows. | ||
| They'll go to like the 7 o'clock show and the 9 o'clock show. | ||
| So it's just like, ah, you guys. | ||
| It becomes a bit of a gay circle jerk at a certain point. | ||
| But at some point I sort of get it where it's like you can see like some band like two times in a row. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh dude, I went to see Kinison more than once in a row. | ||
| I went to see Bill Hicks twice in a row. | ||
| I saw a bunch of guys back in the day where I saw the same act more than once. | ||
| Joe Lozon used to come to our shows when we did Night of the Way in shows. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| And there was this joke I used to make about Jiu Jitsu. | ||
| I guess I can do it now. | ||
| I never do it anymore. | ||
| But the way jujitsu was invented was some Brazilian guy came home early from work one day and found his wife did not have dinner ready for him. | ||
| So he's choking her because of that fucking choking the life out of her. | ||
| And the girl's father comes in because they all live in the same fucking hut in Brazil. | ||
| And he goes, what are you doing? | ||
| You're doing it wrong. | ||
| You got to fucking put hooks in and then come from behind. | ||
| And that's how jiu-jitsu was invented. | ||
| That's my theory. | ||
| But Joe Loza used to love that joke. | ||
| And I was like, you've seen it though. | ||
| And he goes, that theory sucks. | ||
| I was like, I haven't done any research on it. | ||
| But he goes, no, I like seeing it slightly different. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| If you're a fan of stand-up, then I get that. | ||
| Yeah, there's certain guys that had jokes that I would call out for. | ||
| Like when Holtzman was on stage. | ||
| How's your gay son? | ||
| We would always do that. | ||
| Because you know we drive into a rage. | ||
| He would do this joke about his son. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| I miss that dude. | ||
| Oh, that's a fucking funny guy. | ||
| I never see him at the store anymore, man. | ||
| No, he's never there. | ||
| Alright, I'll admit it. | ||
| My son's a homosexual. | ||
| Brody's my new favorite to co-op. | ||
| Just hearing his jokes. | ||
| Oh yeah, we used to do that with Brody. | ||
| He's been doing hour and ten minute sets the other day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He's been doing really long sets now. | ||
| He closes out the main room show on Saturdays. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| And they all stay. | ||
| The whole audience stays. | ||
| I'm doing the Laugh Factory tomorrow night with Tom Herrera. | ||
| I haven't done the Laugh Factory in decades. | ||
| Probably 10 years. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't done it in forever. | ||
| But I'm going to do it tomorrow night. | ||
| I think it's like an 8 o'clock show, but I go on at like 9-ish, somewhere around 9, 9.30, something like that. | ||
| Daddy Diaz just got back from Long Beach. | ||
| He said he loved it. | ||
| Yeah, we should all go there sometime. | ||
| It's too big. | ||
| You really got to fill it up. | ||
| I would like to see what it was like full, but it's a rock venue. | ||
| It's a cool area because I've stayed at the hotel a few times. | ||
| Here's how big it is. | ||
| When they introduce you, by the time you can get to the mic, it feels uncomfortable in that time. | ||
| We're like, oh, I should be talking now. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's such a long walk to the mic. | ||
| Is it like a theater? | ||
| It was a fucking old rock place with a big stage. | ||
| So like 600 people, maybe? | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So, as big as Phoenix? | ||
| The Stand Up, Laugh, and Phoenix? | ||
| It's bigger than that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Just because it's more stage room? | ||
| Stand Up, Laugh, and Phoenix is 600 seats, right? | ||
| 650, yeah. | ||
| 650? | ||
| It's bigger than 650. Wow! | ||
| Well, the scope of it is bigger anyway. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying. | ||
| There might be more room to the wall and stuff. | ||
| It's right next to so many cool stores and restaurants. | ||
| That stand-up live is the most intimate 600-seat room you could get. | ||
| Because even though it was 600 seats, it felt like a regular club. | ||
| It still runs like a club that just keeps going. | ||
| Yeah, it felt like once we worked out. | ||
| If you came, ladies and gentlemen, the first show, there was a problem with the microphone. | ||
| Yeah, the monitor. | ||
| There was no monitor, so you couldn't hear yourself. | ||
| There's a rider somehow. | ||
| I have a rider that I didn't know. | ||
| I always have weird shit on there. | ||
| Yeah, and one of the things on is that I have to have a wireless mic. | ||
| I don't need a fucking wireless mic. | ||
| Three wireless mics. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| I don't know why it's in there. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's for when you do like theaters, like the Moore Theater in Seattle or whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was like, just to make sure you have everything right. | ||
| We need them. | ||
| Because they don't know sometimes with stand-up. | ||
| But even then, I don't need a wireless one. | ||
| No, yeah. | ||
| Kevin James. | ||
| You don't need all the bologna and stuff. | ||
| I meant Kevin James' rider. | ||
| He gets red wine and white wine. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I was like, why is there white wine in here? | ||
| Bring me a Heineken. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Heineken's usually there, too. | ||
| But riders are weird, man. | ||
| San Francisco this weekend. | ||
| Brian's coming with me. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons is coming as well. | ||
| Should be a lot of fun. | ||
| We're doing the Knob Hill Masonic Center. | ||
| We're going to do that on Friday night. | ||
| And then Seattle on Saturday night. | ||
| The Moore Theater. | ||
| The Moore Theater is sold out. | ||
| That's a really good room. | ||
| But there's still some tickets left for the Knob Hill show. | ||
| So that's San Francisco Friday night. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons, who's fucking hilarious. | ||
| If you've never seen Greg Fitzsimmons, you stand up. | ||
| Greg and I started out together, like, literally like a week apart from each other, way back in 1988. And I've been friends with him ever since. | ||
| He's a fucking hilarious stand-up. | ||
| Like, he's really fucking good. | ||
| So I'm really excited to give you guys a fun show. | ||
| And if you haven't seen me there for a while, I got a lot of new shit, so... | ||
| It's going to be real fun. | ||
| So, Knob Hill, Masonic Center, Friday night, and then the Moore Theater Saturday night. | ||
| I think the Moore sold out, though. | ||
| How big is Knob Hill? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like a couple thousand seats. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That should be cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can't wait to see all the Asians. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a massive show. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I just was talking to him and I just thought, like, maybe it would be cool if Greg would come with me on the road and do a couple gigs here and there. | ||
| He's so solid, too. | ||
| And I would love for people to see him, you know, people on all these shows to see him, you know. | ||
| I think one of the coolest things about doing this podcast and doing all these shows is that we can all sort of blow each other up. | ||
| We can all show everybody who Brian Callen is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Show everybody who Duncan is and you are. | |
| Making it, there's only a certain size the pie is, and everyone needs a slice. | ||
| But now there's just an unlimited pie. | ||
| Yeah, you can have your own pie factory. | ||
| We all have our own pie factories. | ||
| Yeah, it's fascinating. | ||
| It's a really interesting thing, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So tell me about this hunting thing. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| So I went hunting this week. | ||
| Who'd you go with? | ||
| With Callan? | ||
| Brian Callan and this dude named Steve Rinella. | ||
| Was this a cougar hunt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you. | |
| Bazinga! | ||
| How dare you, Brian. | ||
| That's the kind of hunts Brian understands. | ||
| He knows how to track that prey. | ||
| He walks in all drunk and limping. | ||
| Yeah, he told me, he was like, where's Rogan? | ||
| He was like, Rogan's in Minnesota, fucking, or whatever. | ||
| Montana. | ||
| Montana, hunting. | ||
| When hunting in Montana, this dude, Steve Rinella, I became a fan of his show. | ||
| He had a show on the Travel Channel called The Wild Within. | ||
| He's an author. | ||
| He knows a lot about the history of the Wild West, and that's one of the coolest things about The Weeknd, is getting to talk to him about Wild West stories and shit. | ||
| Oh, dude, he knows everything. | ||
| He knows all the different incidents between the Indians and the white men, the white men breaking the treaties, and the wars that took place. | ||
| We were camping on the Missouri River where Lewis and Clark camped. | ||
| That's where we camped. | ||
| And we did all our travel by canoe or by hiking. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was fucking intense. | ||
| So when you hiked by the Missouri River, was there anyone else around? | ||
| We saw in the five days we were there, we traveled 40 plus miles down the Missouri River. | ||
| And in all that time, we saw three other boats. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| And even when you got off and was like walking around and stuff? | ||
| Well, once we got out at the very end, we were in a place where there was a bridge and there was cars and traffic and stuff like that. | ||
| No, but over those five days. | ||
| Over those five days, we saw nothing but canoes. | ||
| We saw three or four canoes. | ||
| It was mostly just us. | ||
| And we had a satellite phone in case we had an emergency. | ||
| And what we did was we pulled in. | ||
| We got there on Monday. | ||
| And on Monday, we got in a plane. | ||
| Or we got in a boat, rather. | ||
| Rode down the river. | ||
| What the fuck am I talking about? | ||
| Got on the plane to get there. | ||
| We had to drive two hours from Billings to the river, to the Missouri River. | ||
| Billings, Montana is a very small place, but a very nice, cool, small town. | ||
| Try and call up a map. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Map! | |
| Map! | ||
| From there, we drove two and a half hours to the river. | ||
| The mayor? | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| What? | ||
| Did you say the mayor? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I said we drove to the river. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| We drove to the river, and then once we... | ||
| He's too high for my full fucking story. | ||
| He asked for a story and he's too high to pay attention. | ||
| Did he just ask, did you drive the river? | ||
| No, he said the mayor. | ||
| Did you say the mayor? | ||
| I thought he said the word mayor. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling a fucking important life-changing story and you cunts are ruining my timing with every fucking breath out of your shit-spewing mouths. | ||
| I'm trying to tell you about a beautiful life-changing experience. | ||
| So we're on this river. | ||
| The first night we get there, it's pouring rain. | ||
| We sleep in tents. | ||
| It's fucking freezing outside. | ||
| I mean, it's really cold, like 33, 34 degrees. | ||
| Just cold enough so it doesn't snow, but the rain comes down. | ||
| It's just ridiculously miserable. | ||
| Then we get up in the morning. | ||
| Do you have warmers or anything? | ||
| No, you just sleep in bags. | ||
| Were you at that night like, this was a bad idea? | ||
| No part of you? | ||
| No, man, I was committed. | ||
| I was 100% committed. | ||
| I was like, look, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this the right way. | ||
| What this guy Rinella believes in is what's called a fair chase hunt. | ||
| And what that means is like, there's certain people that have like, they have Oh, that doesn't seem fair. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just trick them. | |
| Murder. | ||
| I mean, not just trick them. | ||
| I mean, it's like the ultimate setup. | ||
| May as well just get your food at the supermarket. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And if that's how you were approaching it, I can understand that. | ||
| Like, say if you lived on that farm and that's how you... | ||
| Then we eat deer every day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, if we had... | ||
| That's actually smart. | ||
| Because it's all... | ||
| If you were Swiss from the Robinson. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a lot smarter than going hunting for it. | ||
| You should control your environment better. | ||
| You need that food. | ||
| It's not like you can do it as a sport. | ||
| But we went and did everything the hard way. | ||
| We hiked every morning for about three miles over this mountain, these hills that were made out of clay. | ||
| That used to be the Great Inland Western Sea. | ||
| Great Western Inland Sea? | ||
| Great Western Inland Sea. | ||
| And during the Jurassic period, there was fucking dinosaurs there and there was fossilized... | ||
| It was a shallow, warm water ocean where Montana is. | ||
| So when you're walking around there, you find fossilized shells. | ||
| Like in the strata, when things break off, they also find buffalo skulls all the time in the strata. | ||
| What does strata mean? | ||
| You know how the earth has layers to it? | ||
| Those layers, if you cut a slice through the earth, those layers represent eras. | ||
| You can tell by how far it goes down, by whatever measurements you made, how many thousands, millions of years it was. | ||
| You saw a place that cut out and stuff? | ||
| Yeah, you see fossilized shells on the ground. | ||
| It's called the Badlands. | ||
| It's really intimidating. | ||
| It's a very, very intimidating place. | ||
| Because there's this river, and then there's these fucking mountains that are covered with this clay shit, and you're trying to walk in it. | ||
| You're sliding all over the place. | ||
| It's really difficult to get a footing. | ||
| It's essentially silt. | ||
| Silt, yeah. | ||
| Silt from the bottom of the ocean. | ||
| It's covered this whole thing. | ||
| And it freezes up, and then it gets wet. | ||
| And it gets wet, it becomes muck, and then it freezes up again. | ||
| So when it's hard, you can walk on it no problem. | ||
| But when it becomes wet, it's just a fucking crazy nightmare. | ||
| So we were climbing these wet hills of this shit. | ||
| And it's exhausting. | ||
| I mean, really exhausting. | ||
| And you do that for several hours in the morning. | ||
| And then we would go and row. | ||
| Row the canoes downriver for several miles. | ||
| And then once we would get out, then we would go and hike for several more miles. | ||
| And look for deer. | ||
| You pull up your canoe. | ||
| You set camp. | ||
| And then you go and look for deer again. | ||
| Are there any bears or predators there? | ||
| Predators, we saw mountain lions shit. | ||
| And do they attack humans a lot? | ||
| No, there's too many of us, and we have rifles. | ||
| We probably would be safe, but you never can tell if you're in the wrong situation at the wrong time. | ||
| They're really hungry. | ||
| Yeah, if a mountain lion's old, if it can't catch a deer anymore, you know, if it's starving, you can just catch them. | ||
| But where you were camping at night, like by the river, that was okay? | ||
| Yeah, well, we were camping at sites where you're allowed to camp, you know, you're allowed to set up, and we, you know, after the first night, it stopped raining, so we made fires. | ||
| But the nighttime, man, when you, first of all, it's fucking freezing. | ||
| Like, it got down to as cold as 12 degrees. | ||
| Did you encounter a spoon? | ||
| No, we didn't spill. | ||
| We slept in separate tents. | ||
| We're all sleeping outside. | ||
| I mean, we're outside in the fucking... | ||
| I mean, you have to zip yourself up in these... | ||
| You wear wool underwear. | ||
| You wear like thermal, like long john type wool underwear. | ||
| And then you wear on top of that, like a thick pair of these wool pants. | ||
| And then on top of that, I've got, you know, above me, I've got a wool long underwear top and then two layers and then a jacket. | ||
| And then a down coat over the jacket and then I'm inside the sleeping bag in the down coat with the hood up and the hood on the sleeping bag and you're barely able to do it. | ||
| It's fucking cold. | ||
| But once you get in there for a while, especially once I've realized to sleep with the jacket on, like I thought I should probably take my layers off. | ||
| But it was too cold. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| Zero masturbating, right? | ||
| Yeah, I held my loads. | ||
| I held my loads for strength. | ||
| It benefited me from my endurance because it was a difficult thing to do. | ||
| It seems like you're whining about... | ||
| I work out. | ||
| I do tough stuff. | ||
| I do hard kettlebell workouts. | ||
| I do jujitsu. | ||
| Very difficult things. | ||
| But this hiking shit, when you're hiking around in mud all day, uphill, it's fucking hard, man. | ||
| You really get winded. | ||
| Your heart rate gets up. | ||
| It's a really good workout. | ||
| And it feels like honest. | ||
| Like you're really fucking getting some... | ||
| You're really doing something. | ||
| And you get in the boat. | ||
| So I was enjoying it from an athletic standpoint. | ||
| I was like, this is a good workout. | ||
| Was it warm at all during the days? | ||
| No, it was never warm. | ||
| It never got more than in the 30s. | ||
| The warmest, it was probably like 34, 35 degrees. | ||
| Every time we were there, our water would turn to ice. | ||
| It was always constantly turning to ice. | ||
| There's probably more people there in the summertime and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I'm sure, but that's not when the hunting season starts. | ||
| If you want to go deer hunting... | ||
| See, this area is... | ||
| It doesn't have a lot of biodiversity, according to Steve Rinella, but what it does have is it has a lot of certain types of animals that you could find. | ||
| And there's not... | ||
| You don't see a lot of animals, but every now and then you'll see a deer. | ||
| Like, there's one. | ||
| And every now and then you'll see a ram. | ||
| We saw a lot of rams. | ||
| Rams? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| They're fucking impressive. | ||
| These bighorn sheep... | ||
| And they're walking across the tops and the ledges of these mountains. | ||
| And you're watching them just like really, really perilous situations. | ||
| And they're walking like they're so sure-footed. | ||
| It's really kind of crazy to watch. | ||
| And they're so badass with their curly horns. | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I don't think you have to... | ||
| I thought they're rammed humans if they get too close to them. | ||
| Well, you shouldn't get close to them, but I think if you're not trying to do something to them... | ||
| They didn't seem to be interested in us. | ||
| Apparently that's a really hard animal to get a tag for, to hunt, because they reintroduced them to Colorado and they built up the numbers. | ||
| And so it's very difficult to get a tag, especially where we were, to hunt them. | ||
| It's not like when you go hunting, it's not like everybody can go hunting. | ||
| Say if there's certain species, it's very hard to get a tag for it, even if you live in that state. | ||
| So they only say, let's say only 10 people can hunt these things? | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| It's one of those things. | ||
| And you might have a million people that are trying to hunt. | ||
| But deer is one of the ones that you literally have to hunt. | ||
| If you don't hunt deer, then they have starvation issues. | ||
| They have overpopulation issues. | ||
| They interfere with traffic. | ||
| It becomes a real problem if there's roads or anything where people are driving along because these animals, in order to get food, they have to travel all over the place. | ||
| Now, a lot of them are nocturnal. | ||
| They'll run across the road. | ||
| And there's certain parts of the country right now where If you're driving around the road at night, it's fucking scary. | ||
| You could slam into deer's left and right. | ||
| I think it was Iowa. | ||
| There's some ungodly amount of deer killed in car accidents every year in Iowa. | ||
| It's like 100,000. | ||
| Because there's so many of them. | ||
| They're fucking all over the place. | ||
| And for people that don't understand how conservation works, it's really interesting. | ||
| But the majority of the money, in fact all of the money, that goes to wildlife groups, like the groups that put bag limits on hunting, whatever the agency, whatever name for the agencies they are. | ||
| I don't know what they call themselves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But whatever they are, fish and game, whatever that is, all their money comes from hunting. | ||
| So all the money for regulating the population, reintroducing animals that were wiped out, all of that comes from hunting. | ||
| And there's some people, I can understand their point of view, some people think that we should have no hunting. | ||
| And that hunting is cruel and that killing animals is cruel. | ||
| And I can totally understand that point of view too. | ||
| I can see no farming animals. | ||
| Look, the type of person that would say you shouldn't kill an animal because killing animals are cruel is a nice person. | ||
| That's a person that wants to be nice to animals. | ||
| So I can't see how I would want to argue with that. | ||
| I can see your point. | ||
| But ultimately, if I look at it pragmatically, my thoughts have always been that, listen, these animals are going to die, whether we eat them or whether a coyote eats them or a mountain lion eats them. | ||
| We found giant mountain lion shits with hair in them, deer hair in them. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it's really creepy. | ||
| It's really creepy because you're just thinking, this motherfucker killed this deer with his face. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like, what a badass cat this is. | ||
| Did you see that video of the coyotes getting killed by the wolves? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| They ripped it apart. | ||
| They don't have hands. | ||
| Well, the wild is a very fascinating thing, man. | ||
| Being out there for five days with no cell phone, no internet, no TV, no radio, just sleeping outside, eating outside for five days was very strange. | ||
| And you're stalking an animal. | ||
| You're stalking animals. | ||
| And occasionally we'd see them, but they were too far away, and we had to get upwind of them. | ||
| If we were upwind and the wind was going down to them, they could smell us. | ||
| So we had to make sure that we were always in a situation where the wind was blowing towards us, like from the animal to us, so that the animal couldn't smell us. | ||
| And we had to creep up on them. | ||
| You would see it from far, far away, and then try to track it down? | ||
| We'd see them from far, far away, and then we would duck behind things, and then we would try to go all the way around, depending on where the wind was. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| How far down was it? | ||
| First of all, we smelled so bad. | ||
| We were there with no showers for five days, okay? | ||
| So you could smell my ass from Mars, all right? | ||
| Your ass must have been terrible. | ||
| I thought of Pitt's ass. | ||
| Yeah, you're taking shits in these eco bags. | ||
| It's like the whole thing was horrific. | ||
| In a bag? | ||
| Yeah, like this certain type of bag that's for human waste so that you don't leave your shit laying around on the Missouri River. | ||
| What's wrong with your shit? | ||
| It's gross. | ||
| People don't want to step in your shit. | ||
| Meanwhile, there's cow shit everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| It's fucking wild. | ||
| Because it's not wild. | ||
| It's fucking death. | ||
| Human shit is like one of the worst things you could ever encounter. | ||
| Our diets are disgusting and non-natural and filled with preservatives and things that fucking ferment inside our assholes. | ||
| And then it comes pouring out in the most wretched smell ever. | ||
| Even dog shit doesn't smell nearly as bad as human shit. | ||
| You can smell when a dog is shit in the house. | ||
| You're like... | ||
| I think a dog shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A bunch of human shits. | ||
| It's like, what the fuck? | ||
| Of human shit. | ||
| Like, I had the biggest FOGO shit the other day, and I wanted to just put a $20 bill on it and not flush it, so somebody would try to grab that $20 bill just to see it. | ||
| Because, you know, I don't want them to come in and just flush it. | ||
| I just want them to take a look. | ||
| Just try. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| So, we're out there for... | ||
| You know, two, three days. | ||
| On the third day was when I killed a deer. | ||
| And we were... | ||
| Before that, we had seen a couple of them, but we couldn't get close enough to shoot them. | ||
| Okay, hold on. | ||
| How far downwind do you have to be? | ||
| Like, if you're two miles away, you're okay. | ||
| But, like, how close can you be? | ||
| You can be close as long as the wind is going from them to you. | ||
| And then it's a matter of sound. | ||
| But then if it's not... | ||
| If it's going towards them... | ||
| How far away do you have to circle around them? | ||
| It all depends because it's not a distance thing. | ||
| It's a being behind things thing and it's being above them thing. | ||
| Ideally, you want them below you and you're above from the top of the hills. | ||
| Also, you have more shots at them. | ||
| If they, you know, you have more opportunities. | ||
| If they're going, like, up over the hill and you shoot at them, they take off over the top of the hill, you don't know where they're going. | ||
| They went left or right. | ||
| You have no idea where they are. | ||
| But you're already over the hill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you look down on them, you can see where they are better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| So you can scan more area, too. | ||
| It's kind of hard to figure out where they're going to go. | ||
| It's a really interesting thing because it's... | ||
| You become a part of their world. | ||
| I mean, you're walking around, you're living outside, you're doing this for several days, and you're becoming a part of these animals' world. | ||
| You don't talk all day. | ||
| All day is spent trying to walk as slowly and quietly as possible, stopping every 15 to 20 seconds. | ||
| It sounds like awful. | ||
| To scan what? | ||
| Okay, relax. | ||
| To scan the horizon. | ||
| To look around for these animals. | ||
| So you're doing this all day. | ||
| And you're not talking. | ||
| You know, very rarely. | ||
| It's like, you know, maybe he'll say, okay, we're going to try over here. | ||
| Now, at this point, are you tracking anything, or are you just hoping to see one? | ||
| Yeah, sometimes. | ||
| We see a lot of tracks. | ||
| You see a lot of deer footprints. | ||
| We saw elk footprints, a lot of ram footprints. | ||
| We saw an amazing amount of rams. | ||
| It was incredible how many of these big horn sheep we saw. | ||
| So are you following the tracks, or are you just walking until you see one? | ||
| Yeah, you're following the trails that the deer's traveling, because the deer's traveling trails, and then they'll go off into the wooded areas to bed down. | ||
| So they get up in the morning, and in the morning they're up and they get water and eat, and they'll stay active for a little while, and then they start going in the midday to bed down, and then they come out when it gets dark again. | ||
| We had one come through our camp while we're sleeping. | ||
| You just found out later? | ||
| We heard it. | ||
| You just hear it going, woof, woof. | ||
| It gets scared. | ||
| It came through the camp, and as it's in the camp, it realizes, oh my god, I'm surrounded by ogres. | ||
| The monsters that want to eat me are right there. | ||
| And it sort of freaks out and starts stomping its feet. | ||
| I bet they could fuck up a tent if they wanted to. | ||
| Oh yeah, it could. | ||
| Of course it could. | ||
| I mean, they're not aggressive. | ||
| It's not like they would do that unless they were threatened. | ||
| They're clearly prey. | ||
| They're made of meat. | ||
| They're clearly prey for all these... | ||
| Different predators, especially mountain lions, but humans, of course. | ||
| And that's what they're worried about. | ||
| Wolves used to be an issue. | ||
| They just want to walk around and eat leaves. | ||
| They want to fuck. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's getting close. | ||
| We weren't there during the rut. | ||
| During the rut, it's really crazy because the deer get super bold because they just have hard-ons and they just want to go fuck. | ||
| And they'll just walk right across the street and look at you and you can blast them. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's really a ruthless trick because they're being silly. | ||
| So that's why people put the smell of a female deer on them. | ||
| Yeah, they spray it on them. | ||
| They'll spray it on things. | ||
| I think some places that's illegal though. | ||
| There's different places that have different laws and regulations. | ||
| I learned a lot from hanging out with this Steve Rinella guy. | ||
| It was a fascinating thing. | ||
| We should have those rules. | ||
| Like, girls shouldn't be able to dress like sluts unless they are. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, it's not allowed. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| Because the deer comes up and he's like, oh, can I fuck? | ||
| Oh, it's some other thing that I can't fuck. | ||
| So if girls were trying to rip you off, like if girls were like professional gold diggers, they shouldn't be allowed to dress like sluts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unless you're willing to back it up. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So if you are a female deer, yeah, you can make that smell. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| It seemed like that would be very stressful. | ||
| Did you ever get to a point where you're just like, alright, I really just want to yell and tweet and walk around? | ||
| How did that feel with that one? | ||
| No, that was the interesting thing. | ||
| I was able to sort of accept that this was how we're living for the next few days. | ||
| And I didn't look forward to it ending. | ||
| You didn't even bring your phone with you? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, it doesn't work. | ||
| There's no cell phone reception out there. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| You can't get anything out there. | ||
| But I knew that going in there. | ||
| And what I was thinking was, this is going to be an interesting opportunity to sort of get off the grid for a little bit and see what that feels like. | ||
| And one of the weird things about getting off the grid for a few days is that you get a lot of energy, man. | ||
| You've got a lot of energy. | ||
| When you're walking around, going after these deer, and then in between you're rowing your boat, even when you sit down for a few minutes, you're not exhausted. | ||
| You don't want to take a nap. | ||
| You have energy. | ||
| It's like, dude, I think that's what people are supposed to be doing. | ||
| Smartphones? | ||
| People are supposed to be working and doing things physically all day. | ||
| And when they don't do things physically all day, they get exhausted. | ||
| I really believe that. | ||
| I think if you look at our past as when we developed, you know, back to the time where people just first started storing foods and developing clothes and making weapons and figuring out how to hunt animals, we were in motion all day. | ||
| Whether we were building shelter or collecting food, we were in motion all day. | ||
| And I think that's our default. | ||
| And when we sit down, like, at a desk, and you're sitting in front of a computer, or you're sitting there and, you know, just sitting in front of the television, I think your body gets confused as fuck. | ||
| I think your body's like, well, we're just not moving, so I guess we should sleep. | ||
| Yeah, why would there be a reason to just not move? | ||
| There's no reason. | ||
| Unless you're sitting down at the end of the day eating. | ||
| That's why I think that being in front of a computer or being in a cubicle, like doing that all day, like sitting in a desk all day, is probably terrible for your body. | ||
| We do that. | ||
| Terrible for your brain. | ||
| How do we do that? | ||
| Sit and fucking surf the web. | ||
| We should do a walking podcast. | ||
| Even this right now, it's like we're not doing anything. | ||
| Yeah, but we're having a conversation. | ||
| This is the best way to have a conversation is in a way that you don't have to think about your body. | ||
| You shut it off and relax. | ||
| If we were standing up, we wouldn't be having as cool of a conversation. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm just saying, we're not moving. | ||
| No, no, walking podcast. | ||
| We just go for a nice walk. | ||
| That's not a bad idea. | ||
| Of course, it would be me going... | ||
| Dude, this fucking sucks. | ||
| I want to go play Pokemon. | ||
| Hey, Pokemon. | ||
| This is the first thing that came to me. | ||
| Is there a thing that we could get, like the Bigfoot Hunter guys? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| We could do a podcast. | ||
| Oh, so show us. | ||
| There would just be videos of us getting made fun of. | ||
| Wandering around Pasadena. | ||
| We could do a blog. | ||
| We could totally do that. | ||
| Let's just go on a hike in Runyon Canyon. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good idea. | ||
| Well, that's too pretentious. | ||
| How about Griffith Park? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go to the zoo. | |
| We would find people that would put their resumes in front of the fucking camera. | ||
| That place is filled with so many fucking annoying douchebags. | ||
| Yeah, we should totally do that. | ||
| I took a lot of photos. | ||
| Let's go to the zoo like that. | ||
| I took a lot of photos from this trip. | ||
| I took a lot of photos of the animal. | ||
| I mean I showed you a picture of the animal that I shot. | ||
| So what happened was on the third day was when we were We had gone hiking through the morning, and then we went and looked for deer. | ||
| We didn't see anything. | ||
| We saw a couple, but we didn't get close enough to them to get a shot at them. | ||
| And then we rode for a few miles down the river, and then we stopped at this one place. | ||
| And we traveled about a mile in, this long field. | ||
| We're going up all these hills. | ||
| The director spots this deer. | ||
| So there's one deer. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| The director? | ||
| Was he like, action! | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| The director also works as a cameraman. | ||
| His name is Moe. | ||
| This is all recorded. | ||
| It's a super hard job. | ||
| It's for a TV show, dude. | ||
| Wait, that's what you went hunting for? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's a television show. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| I thought you just went hunting. | ||
| I can't wait to see this. | ||
| We have full documentation. | ||
| A lot of funny moments? | ||
| Oh yeah, my god, so much funny moments because Callan went with me. | ||
| So they had a hike with all their cameras and shit with them? | ||
| Well, they hold a camera. | ||
| They have a camera that's not light. | ||
| These guys are in serious shape. | ||
| Moe, the director, is this big strapping guy and he's hoofing it, man. | ||
| I mean, this is a real work. | ||
| And Ranella, the guy who's the star of the show, he does this shit all year round. | ||
| So he's in serious shape for this. | ||
| There's like a type of shape that you get in for hiking. | ||
| It's a hiking shape. | ||
| And he's in great hiking shape. | ||
| And so he takes these really perilous paths, too. | ||
| A lot of times I was like, whoa, this is tricky shit. | ||
| Because I'm carrying a rifle. | ||
| You know, I'm carrying a rifle and we're climbing up mountains. | ||
| It was no joke, man. | ||
| We did the whole thing the right way. | ||
| I mean, this was like a 100% wild animal. | ||
| Most likely, this deer had never seen a person before. | ||
| Yeah, we were in the badlands of Montana. | ||
| It was some serious shit, right? | ||
| So we're getting over the top of this ridge, and we look over, and Mo sees this deer. | ||
| So we have to creep up on it, and we have to creep up on it and go upwind of it. | ||
| Or downwind, rather, so that its scent is coming to us and ours isn't coming in. | ||
| And so then we got a shot off at it at 200 yards. | ||
| I shot it from 200 yards. | ||
| You killed it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| How did you know how to use the rifle the right way? | ||
| He showed me how. | ||
| He showed me how two days before. | ||
| It's pretty simple. | ||
| I shot guns before. | ||
| Were you standing up or lying down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lying down. | |
| Lying down on the ground. | ||
| You had a scope and everything? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you have to correct us how far it is? | ||
| I have to have a scope because it was 200 yards away. | ||
| It was really far. | ||
| Yeah, this is what I figured out about bullets. | ||
| The gravity hits them, so they'll go down the further away. | ||
| So you have to know to aim slightly up if you're 50 yards away. | ||
| 300 yards away. | ||
| I think the scope is designed for that. | ||
| Yeah, it tells you how far it's looking like. | ||
| Yeah, but not for high powered rifles. | ||
| It takes a long time before they change trajectory. | ||
| They go pretty straight for a long time. | ||
| I mean, it's like a really serious rifle. | ||
| So the deer drops, and I didn't even know he dropped. | ||
| I shoot it. | ||
| The whole thing, it's a really tricky thing, like shooting something. | ||
| First of all, I'm breathing heavy. | ||
| We had done all this crazy hiking, and my adrenaline's flying. | ||
| Because I'm trying to relax and tune in. | ||
| And I don't want to hurt this thing. | ||
| I got it right through the head. | ||
| I want to shoot it in the leg and then it runs away and we can never catch it again. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It bleeds out. | ||
| I wanted to do it correctly. | ||
| So I wanted to make sure that I had a good shot. | ||
| And I dropped it with the first shot. | ||
| It wasn't dead. | ||
| I had to kill it. | ||
| I had to hit it with the second shot. | ||
| He wasn't dead? | ||
| No. | ||
| He was going to die. | ||
| I shot him through... | ||
| Like, right above, like, his heart. | ||
| And so it would have taken, it like hit his spine. | ||
| What were you aiming for? | ||
| The heart or the head? | ||
| You aimed for the heart. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And so then you had to walk up to it and shoot it? | ||
| Or you shot it again from right there? | ||
| I shot it from a distance. | ||
| How far away? | ||
| Pretty close. | ||
| I got pretty close to make sure that I didn't miss. | ||
| 10 feet? | ||
| No, it was further than that. | ||
| With the rifle again? | ||
| Yeah, with the rifle. | ||
| And then I finished it. | ||
| It was very intense, man. | ||
| Because then, right after that, then we're gutting it. | ||
| And it's hot, okay? | ||
| And I made a real conscious decision to do this. | ||
| And I know I got a lot of criticism from a lot of people that said, you shouldn't go hunting, you shouldn't kill something, this is so horrible. | ||
| But here's the issue, man. | ||
| It's like a lot of these people that I'm talking to, they're wearing leather shoes. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| You got leather in your car interior. | ||
| You eat burgers and you got no problem with it. | ||
| People always get sweatshops until they find out the iPhone is made of one. | ||
| This is my point of view. | ||
| It's not that I want to kill animals. | ||
| I'm like a mean person. | ||
| I want to go out and kill these beautiful animals. | ||
| But I eat meat. | ||
| And I've eaten meat my whole life. | ||
| And I've taken no responsibility for how that meat is acquired. | ||
| I read all the shit about farming. | ||
| And I don't want to be attached to that. | ||
| I don't want to be attached to be... | ||
| To factory farming. | ||
| There's a huge difference. | ||
| I don't want to be attached to the way they treat animals where they essentially have them live their entire lives tortured in cages feeding shit food that their body can't even digest to fatten them up and then we kill them and eat them and then you just pick it up at the supermarket completely detached from the process. | ||
| It just is meat. | ||
| I knew coming in that this was going to be a weird experience. | ||
| How was I going to address this? | ||
| Was I going to enjoy this? | ||
| Was I going to feel terrible and become a vegetarian? | ||
| How was my reaction to it? | ||
| When you walked up to it, how did you feel? | ||
| When it was dead? | ||
| No, before you shot it the second time. | ||
| I felt like I have to kill it. | ||
| You could see it close enough to know it was actually breathing and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could you hear it? | |
| Yeah, you could hear it. | ||
| What was he doing? | ||
| Just writhing on the ground? | ||
| He was just struggling. | ||
| Yeah, he was struggling. | ||
| And so you went up there? | ||
| He wasn't moving much. | ||
| I mean, he was going to die soon. | ||
| But I had to make sure that I took care of it right there. | ||
| Look, it's very strange. | ||
| The whole experience is very strange. | ||
| The whole experience of tracking them down is strange, knowing that you're tracking them down to eventually eat them. | ||
| And then when you're actually eating it, it's like that night we sat over at a campfire and we cooked liver and the heart and the kidneys. | ||
| How did you get it back or did you camp there? | ||
| No, we had to bring it back. | ||
| How did you carry it back? | ||
| You cut it up. | ||
| Cut it up first and everyone takes a piece? | ||
| Well, we did the first night. | ||
| We took the organs out that we could use, that you'd eat. | ||
| You don't eat all the organs, but you eat the liver and you eat the heart and you eat the kidneys. | ||
| And so we took all that stuff out. | ||
| What did you do with the rest of the organs? | ||
| We pulled it out, and we were going to use it for catfish bait, but you just leave it there. | ||
| We wound up leaving it there, and other animals would eat it almost immediately. | ||
| The ravens would find it, and when the ravens find it, then the coyotes will figure out where the ravens are, and the coyotes will go to there. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Nature has this really efficient system of cleaning out things. | ||
| Yeah, it's really amazing. | ||
| So we leave the organs, take the edible organs, and then leave the body overnight because it takes a few hours to part it up and to clean it and part it up. | ||
| You can leave it there. | ||
| There's no... | ||
| It's 30 degrees outside, so it's like a refrigerator. | ||
| So you tie it up to make sure that nothing can get to it, but there's no insects there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everything's... | |
| It's so dead there. | ||
| If it was warm, you couldn't have done that? | ||
| Or can you leave the meat out? | ||
| No, you couldn't do that. | ||
| You can't leave the meat out if it's hot out. | ||
| Like if it's in Texas in August, you shouldn't leave the meat out like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How long do you have? | |
| Because they always kill it. | ||
| It doesn't go straight to our fridge. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I don't know how long... | ||
| You have some time, but if it's hot out, you don't have nearly as much time. | ||
| That's why people salt things to preserve them, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, but that's not what they do with wild game. | ||
| That's what they used to do with meat back when they didn't have refrigerators. | ||
| I don't really totally understand how that works either. | ||
| But maybe bacteria doesn't live on the surface with the salt or something, I don't know. | ||
| So it was so cold out, we just left it there. | ||
| You can leave it there. | ||
| It's like leave it in the refrigerator. | ||
| It was like a mile from the camp, so then we had to walk back from the camp. | ||
| Can these big pieces? | ||
| Yeah, we had to take it apart. | ||
| How much did that buck weigh? | ||
| It was about 180 pounds. | ||
| 180 pounds. | ||
| So you guys had to split that up. | ||
| Yeah, we had to chop it up and carry it out. | ||
| It was a lot of work. | ||
| That was the most difficult thing, was carrying the buck back. | ||
| Actually, no. | ||
| You know, all the hiking together, all of it was pretty hard. | ||
| The really slippery slopes were probably the hardest thing. | ||
| But the most difficult thing is staying calm and shooting the animal. | ||
| And then making a decision. | ||
| Like, is this really what you want to do? | ||
| Like, what are you going to do? | ||
| You've already made that decision now. | ||
| But I wanted to know. | ||
| I wanted to... | ||
| Look, the detachment that a normal person has or eats meat... | ||
| I don't necessarily think that's healthy. | ||
| I think that we've removed what it is from our heads and we're just acquiring meat. | ||
| We're just going to a supermarket and acquiring meat. | ||
| And I think that lack of connection... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think ultimately it's not healthy and I think it's not natural. | ||
| I think it's weird. | ||
| Not to know where the food comes from. | ||
| It's like being born rich or something. | ||
| Coyotes do that. | ||
| You don't really appreciate it or understand it. | ||
| Coyotes do that. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| They just grab food that somebody else killed. | ||
| They kill things too, dude. | ||
| They're out there. | ||
| It's a hard scrabble life. | ||
| You can't be picky and choosy when you're a coyote. | ||
| What I mean is that the idea of going to a supermarket and everything's prepared and packaged for you, we don't think about... | ||
| You should come with headshots of the animal, like a photo of their face. | ||
| Yeah, this is me when I was a baby. | ||
| This is me at one years old, just learning how to walk. | ||
| So you feel like now when you buy the meat, you'll sort of appreciate it more? | ||
| Well, I have a lot of deer meat to eat. | ||
| Oh, you took it back with you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you like it? | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| It's the best meat you can eat. | ||
| So now, they say you want to get it clean so it doesn't taste gamey because it releases that testosterone or whatever it is, right? | ||
| Adrenaline once you hit it before you kill it? | ||
| Yeah, they're going to have adrenaline no matter what, man. | ||
| I mean, if it doesn't die instantly. | ||
| But it doesn't taste bad. | ||
| You know, it's a really lean, delicious meat. | ||
| It tastes really good. | ||
| For a lot of people, they have a problem with killing things. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You eat meat, but you don't like killing things. | ||
| And I understand that. | ||
| But I think being upset at someone for killing something that they eat, I think is a little bit hypocritical. | ||
| Not a little bit. | ||
| Ridiculously hypocritical. | ||
| It's also stupid. | ||
| We're not being honest about what we are as an organism. | ||
| We're not being honest about what we are as an organism if you're mad at people that hunt. | ||
| Because every fucking restaurant you go to, everywhere you look has murdered animals in it. | ||
| That's everywhere you look. | ||
| There is something different though to be part of the killing as opposed to being okay with the killing going on. | ||
| It's like you don't want to be an executioner but you can believe in capital punishment. | ||
| Yeah, I guess if you weren't eating the prisoners after you killed them. | ||
| But I'm saying you don't have to be the one doing the killing. | ||
| There's a difference between doing the killing and just being okay with people getting murdered. | ||
| I don't think the capital punishment argument works because you don't need capital punishment for sustenance. | ||
| You don't need meat either. | ||
| People exist on being a vegetarian. | ||
| But if you're consuming meat, you're eating it. | ||
| And that is a part of your diet. | ||
| That's a part of your everyday diet. | ||
| Yet we have no connection with that. | ||
| And that was the issue that I had. | ||
| I was like, man, I feel like, just as a human going through this life, if I'm going to continue to eat meat, I should take a part in the process. | ||
| I don't want to start a farm and go kill a pig on a farm. | ||
| That's a no part of you want to just go to a farm and say, let's just do that. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I think the best way is this animal lives a totally natural wildlife and then, boom! | ||
| It gets shot. | ||
| Can I just make an argument for them? | ||
| Because I think it's fine to hunt. | ||
| I don't care at all. | ||
| But that deer would not have died. | ||
| Yes, it would. | ||
| You don't know that. | ||
| You're wrong. | ||
| It wouldn't have died that day by that moment. | ||
| Most of them die either they get killed by predators or they die because it gets cold out. | ||
| That happens a lot. | ||
| It would have died eventually. | ||
| It wouldn't have died right then. | ||
| But if you go to a farm with just killing cows, that would have died right then. | ||
| Just you're doing it. | ||
| Wouldn't that be more of taking a part in the process? | ||
| I don't know what you're saying. | ||
| Go to a farm where they're killing a bunch of cows. | ||
| Today's cow killing day. | ||
| Go there and say, hey, let me work the lever for a little bit. | ||
| Let me fucking put a nail gun in his head. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| That's like a semantics argument. | ||
| Like, why would you even care? | ||
| You're taking a life either way. | ||
| You take a life that's destined to be taken, and it's less meaning? | ||
| If that's a normal kind of meat people eat, then that seems like... | ||
| Deer is as normal as eating cows. | ||
| Well, first of all, two. | ||
| One, people don't eat deer as much. | ||
| Two, if they do eat... | ||
| Meat, they usually get it from supermarkets, which are farmed. | ||
| Today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Today. | ||
| But throughout human history, people have been eating deer. | ||
| If you're saying you want to take a part of what you're eating and say, I'm going to let my conscience sit on this and see this is what we're doing, then wouldn't you want to go and do actually what you're doing to get that meat? | ||
| And not change it to a different way. | ||
| I'm not sure I follow you. | ||
| If you get your chicken from farms that kill 3,000 chickens in a day, and that's where people get their chicken, wouldn't it be better if you want to see what it's actually like, where this chicken comes from? | ||
| Wouldn't it be better to go to a place like that where they're killing chickens all day and have it strung up and slice its throat than killing a wild chicken? | ||
| Well, if you were dead set on eating factory-raised chicken, I could see your point. | ||
| But if your point was that you wanted to be a part of what you ate, not that you specifically wanted to eat factory-raised chicken. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I think that the idea of an animal living a wild life and then its life ending in a brief moment because of bullet. | ||
| I think that is a more humane and more... | ||
| I don't even like the word humane. | ||
| Because humane... | ||
| What is the actual meaning of humane? | ||
| Because humans, I don't think, are so fucking humane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't want people to suffer, I guess, technically. | |
| If you look at how we acquire our meat, that's not humane at all. | ||
| It just seems like that deer wouldn't have died right then. | ||
| Where if you go to some farm, they would have died then. | ||
| So it's like you can take apart without adding to the killing. | ||
| I see what you're saying, but it doesn't make sense. | ||
| I think you're just baked. | ||
| I am big, but it totally makes sense to me. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| You're saying you want to show that you're a part of this and know where it comes from. | ||
| Most people do get their food. | ||
| I also want to eat game. | ||
| I think game is the best food. | ||
| I've said this for a long time, that I think that there's probably more nutrition in wild game than any other kind of food, and I think that's one of the reasons why they're so elusive. | ||
| They know that they're worth something. | ||
| When a deer hears you and those fucking antenna ears pop up and they start looking, they know that they're super nutritious. | ||
| And there's a bunch of animals out there that are just trying to jack them. | ||
| There used to be a lot more mountain lions, but apparently they have a good healthy supply of them now. | ||
| We didn't see any while we were there, but whenever you have a lot of deer, you have a lot of mountain lions. | ||
| That's what they eat. | ||
| Yeah, that's what they eat. | ||
| Especially fawns. | ||
| They'll go after the babies because they're easy and they can take them. | ||
| I like how nature set everything up where it gives everything sort of a fighting chance. | ||
| Like, we're not going to kill all of you, but the ones that are too bold and go out away from the herd, you're going to get jacked. | ||
| It's very fascinating to be, even though I went there with all these human inventions like tents and guns and all that stuff, to be out there living in nature for four or five days. | ||
| It's a very eye-opening experience, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's some weird primal shit goes off when you're out there stalking a deer that you're eventually going to eat. | ||
| And then later that night, you're sitting in front of a campfire with a bunch of men, and everyone's feasting on the meat from this animal and talking about how delicious it is and enjoying it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very strange, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I can see where a lot of people would be uncomfortable with it. | ||
| I could see where a lot of people would be angry, and they might be a little bit irrational and be pissed at me that I went and I hunted. | ||
| But, you know, you're not mad at me when I have a cheeseburger. | ||
| You know, I don't get cries in anger when I put a steak on the grill and take a photo of it, which I do all the time because I like to cook steaks like 2 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| Like a boss! | ||
| What happens if you didn't find that deer that day? | ||
| Then we have no deer. | ||
| I gotta keep looking. | ||
| No, we ate these freeze-dried foods. | ||
| We ate these freeze-dried meals. | ||
| You open them up and you pour hot water in them. | ||
| And they had these jets, these flame jets that would boil water. | ||
| And you turn the flame jets on, and you put this water canister over, and it'll boil the water. | ||
| And the water starts boiling, and you shut it off, and you pour the boiling water into the bag. | ||
| And you seal it, and you let it sit for a few minutes. | ||
| And it's not bad. | ||
| You know, they have like... | ||
| And you boil the water over. | ||
| Lasagna. | ||
| They sell that shit on Amazon, like a huge carton of just tons of those packs. | ||
| Dude, they're not bad. | ||
| You know, like if we need that. | ||
| You'd be amazed at like, you could actually survive off of it. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| It actually tastes pretty good. | ||
| So, the only thing that was ruthless is the sleeping outside. | ||
| It's just, that's really difficult to get used to. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And the physical activity of stalking the animal, and then the reality of the shooting of the animal. | ||
| That was intense. | ||
| Because I wondered how I was going to feel about that. | ||
| I wondered if I was going to feel sad, if I'm going to feel bad. | ||
| What was the feeling? | ||
| I didn't feel bad. | ||
| It felt very natural. | ||
| And when you were eating it, were you thinking about the animal you killed? | ||
| Or really, were you just enjoying a good burger? | ||
| Well, I was enjoying it. | ||
| I was thinking about the process in which it happened. | ||
| I was thinking about its life. | ||
| I felt... | ||
| I mean, it sounds very cliché to say you feel very connected with nature. | ||
| But man, that is the perfect description. | ||
| It's like being connected with nature. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't have to eat nature to be connected with it. | |
| I know, but guess what, folks? | ||
| When you eat broccoli, you're eating nature, you fuck, okay? | ||
| When you eat celery, you're eating nature. | ||
| You know, when you eat beets, you're eating a living part of nature. | ||
| It just can't defend itself. | ||
| It doesn't scream, and it doesn't try to run away. | ||
| So you assume it's okay. | ||
| It's not the same species as us, but we would be super excited if we found it on Mars, okay? | ||
| If we found kale on Mars... | ||
| And some asshole came around and ate it. | ||
| Kale on Mars. | ||
| Why'd you eat the fucking Mars kale, you cunt? | ||
| This is life from another planet and you ate it. | ||
| It's Mars fed. | ||
| I'm going to get so regular though. | ||
| And it doesn't mean that I didn't think that the animal was beautiful. | ||
| I thought the animal was very beautiful. | ||
| I'm amazed just to see them. | ||
| I enjoyed seeing all the rams that we couldn't shoot. | ||
| We couldn't get attacked to shoot them, but I enjoyed seeing them. | ||
| But I think that ideally, I would like to eat nothing but game meat. | ||
| I think that would be the best for me health-wise, and I think that it would be the most honest way to be a meat-eater. | ||
| So that's what I'm going to try to do. | ||
| We're going to go again in the summer, and we're going to go hunting for caribou. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Callan's going to go again. | ||
| Try to eat those things? | ||
| Yeah, they're huge. | ||
| So you're going to have stuff shipped in from now on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My meat is in Montana. | ||
| It's on its way to me. | ||
| They freeze it and they send it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, like, more often. | ||
| I'm going to do this more often. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm going to try to go hunting a couple times a year. | ||
| Can you just buy game meat? | ||
| You could. | ||
| You could do that, too. | ||
| But what you'd be buying is the animals, but they'd be, like, in a farm situation. | ||
| And you'd have to make sure that they were grass-fed. | ||
| You would want to make sure that... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I don't think you're allowed to sell wild game. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, I think it has to be domesticated. | ||
| I think. | ||
| I could be wrong about that. | ||
| It might be different in each state as well. | ||
| Is there any difference? | ||
| I know freshwater fish, I think, tastes better the quicker you get it to the pan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But salt water, not as much of a problem. | ||
| Is there any freshness factor to it? | ||
| Well, the organs, yes. | ||
| You should cook the organs as quickly as possible. | ||
| The organs are delicious. | ||
| Like, deer liver is fantastic. | ||
| And it tastes better right then than a day later? | ||
| Yeah, you don't want it. | ||
| But the meat actually is, according to Steve Rinell, is better the next day. | ||
| It gives it a chance to relax. | ||
| And, you know, it's a very sinewy, muscular animal. | ||
| So you have to prepare in a certain way. | ||
| It's all muscle, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's very little fat. | ||
| They're incredibly lean. | ||
| So when you cook them, you have to make sure that you don't overcook it. | ||
| You cook it really quickly. | ||
| And you have it very much on the rare side. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Venison? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it's called venison? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or you could slow cook it. | ||
| That's the other way too, where it breaks it down like a pork shoulder. | ||
| You know, they do that. | ||
| They slow cook it. | ||
| So it'll wind up... | ||
| I'll figure out, you know, how to cook all of it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, but I have like, that's probably like 60 or 70 pounds of meat. | ||
| We rename, you think, all our meats? | ||
| We don't do it with birds, but all our meats we rename so we don't have to talk about the animal that it is. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Like venison, deer, and beef. | ||
| Yeah, cow becomes beef. | ||
| Ham, pork. | ||
| Steer becomes beef. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| A steer. | ||
| You know, we have to make a steer. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Oh, it's a cow that we cut his nuts off. | ||
| He was a bull at one point in time, but we're like, yeah, you're not going to need those, dude. | ||
| You're here for steak. | ||
| We don't really need you that sinewy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess you can't eat a bull, you know? | ||
| You can't? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, we don't want them to have their balls because I think they get, like, rambunctious. | ||
| Don't they squeeze the balls in bull riding contests? | ||
| Supposedly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| That's what I've heard. | ||
| They asked me to go on Celebrity Rodeo once. | ||
| I was like, bitch, are you out of here? | ||
| Yeah, I was like, are you out of here? | ||
| Have you met Joe Rogan? | ||
| He ain't going anywhere with a bull. | ||
| Are you crazy? | ||
| Bull riding. | ||
| Celebrity bull riding. | ||
| And I was like, you're out of your mind. | ||
| I think Stephen Baldwin did it and a couple other people. | ||
| You're just asking for your body to be broken forever. | ||
| Yeah, not even getting stomped on, just the throne from a bull. | ||
| Dude, you know, nobody rides a bull successfully. | ||
| It's just a matter of how long before you get thrown off. | ||
| So, you know, that's what you have to deal with. | ||
| It's the best that you ride it out. | ||
| It's what runs out of energy, then you just ride it. | ||
| So stupid. | ||
| And you own it. | ||
| Riding a bull is so ridiculous. | ||
| What was the feeling like after you killed and you're frying it up or whatever? | ||
| Strange. | ||
| No, but like the feeling of being able to talk fully for the first time. | ||
| Could you talk then? | ||
| Yeah, we talked around the campfire. | ||
| We always talked around the campfire at night. | ||
| It's just while we're walking around, we're trying to be pretty quiet. | ||
| Was that relieving every night to be able to actually use your voice? | ||
| No. | ||
| That seems more interesting to me. | ||
| Barely able to talk. | ||
| Yeah, there was a little bit of that. | ||
| It was nice to go out to camp and fuck around. | ||
| The guys were really nice guys. | ||
| This guy, Steve Rinella, he's got a great group of dudes that he's got working for him. | ||
| He really put together an awesome crew. | ||
| And they have to be bad motherfuckers because they're out there freezing their dicks off, sleeping in tents. | ||
| And for them, this is their job. | ||
| For me, it was like, Some crazy vacation and an opportunity to go hunting for the first time and do this dude's TV show. | ||
| Hey, buddy. | ||
| But for... | ||
| For these guys, the cameraman and the director, that's just an everyday part of their life. | ||
| That's what they do every day. | ||
| I mean, that's a fucking tough job. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| You're camping outside most of the year. | ||
| Because they always camp? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| They always film that stuff? | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| They're constantly camping. | ||
| They're camping in Montana. | ||
| They're camping in Arizona. | ||
| And they film that stuff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| They're camping all over the fucking place. | ||
| Oh, is this a show that's already on? | ||
| Yeah, it's been on for a while. | ||
| What show is it? | ||
| It's called Meat Eater. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, the dude had a show on the Travel Channel called The Wild Within, and it was a good show. | ||
| It's like a Bear Grylls type show. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| For hunting? | ||
| Sort of, yeah. | ||
| I mean, one of the things he did was he hunted a buffalo the same way Lewis and Clark did. | ||
| He shot a bison with a musket, with an old school musket, killed it, and then turned it into a boat the same way they would back then. | ||
| They'd make a boat out of these things and take a canoe. | ||
| They turned it into a boat? | ||
| Yeah, he did that on the show. | ||
| It's a pretty interesting fucking show. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I really enjoyed it. | ||
| He's like a real Wild West historian. | ||
| He told us some crazy fucking stories about different things that the Indians had done to the white man, the white man had done to the Indians. | ||
| One dude, he gave up, but his friend tried to resist, so they took his friend, they butchered him in front of him, they cut him open. | ||
| Who, the Indians cut him? | ||
| Yeah, they cut his dick off, they rubbed it all over his friend, cut his lungs off, rubbed all his friend, and then they told him, we're going to give you a head start and then we're going to come and kill you. | ||
| And so this guy outran them, and he outran them and jumped into the river and hid in a beaver den. | ||
| They have beaver dens everywhere. | ||
| And the beaver dens, what it essentially is, is like the water's running there, and this guy climbed under the water and into a hole that the beavers had dug into the side of the riverbank so they could breathe in there. | ||
| So he laid in there and waited until the Indians left, and then he walked 100 miles down to the nearest town, barefoot and naked. | ||
| And he ate a rattlesnake and he ate a piece of... | ||
| Just raw? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And a piece of buffalo that he found as he was... | ||
| Wait, so the Indians killed his friend in front of this dude just to be more like me? | ||
| Yep, just to, you know, because the guy resisted. | ||
| Who is this? | ||
| The guy that killed? | ||
| It was two guys, yeah. | ||
| There was all these stories about what happened when the Indians ran into each other. | ||
| What's also fascinating, what he told me, was how ruthless the Indians were to each other, or the Native Americans, you should say, to each other. | ||
| They were fucking jacking each other left and right. | ||
| There were some that were in the Great Lakes area that were practicing cannibalism of other tribes on a regular basis. | ||
| They were eating them for food. | ||
| Imagine how harsh it must have been around the Great Lakes in the winter, how brutal that shit is. | ||
| And I guess some of the natives that were here were ruthless. | ||
| And they actually wound up cannibalizing people. | ||
| Yeah, eating people that were, you know, travelers. | ||
| And what do the cowboys do back? | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Just like traveling by? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Eating people. | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You fuck up. | ||
| You know, you ride your fucking wagon train to the wrong town. | ||
| And this town is with these guys that eat people. | ||
| Is that what we have for Compton? | ||
| No. | ||
| You just can't wear blue in certain areas or you're fucked up by accident? | ||
| It's way nicer now than it was in the American Indian days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can you imagine how ruthless? | ||
| I mean, look, there's one thing to run into gang warfare, but, I mean, bands of people that want to eat you. | ||
| One saw me from 400 miles away or 400 yards away. | ||
| I've got to kill him or we're all dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Custer's last stand, he was describing, he's like a real historian, the Steve Rinella guy. | ||
| He's just talking about all the things that happened during Custer's last days. | ||
| One of the things they did was they mutilated all the bodies the Indians did after they killed Custer's men so that they would have a shitty afterlife. | ||
| They cut his dick off so he can't use in the afterlife. | ||
| Cut his legs apart so he can't use his legs in the afterlife. | ||
| It didn't matter at that point anymore, Indians? | ||
| Cut his arms out. | ||
| He punctured his ears, stabbed his ears, so he could listen to warnings better in the afterlife. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they warned him that this was going to happen to him. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| And what's really crazy, there was a guy named Gall, and Gall was this big, giant Indian dude that was involved in the massacre of Custer's last stand. | ||
| And he was involved in killing Custer and his men. | ||
| And after it was over, he went on those Wild Bill's Wild West tours. | ||
| Where they would show up in towns and they would say, this is Gaul, he's responsible for killing, you know, over 500 men and the guy would like be standing there like sneering at people. | ||
| And he really was. | ||
| He really was the guy that killed Custard and his men. | ||
| And there he was, you could watch him. | ||
| I mean, he was free to just be walking around And he, you know, he was a part of a war. | ||
| And when the war was over, he hung out with Wild Bill and they took him around. | ||
| I mean, could you imagine? | ||
| To make a living. | ||
| Could you imagine if they did that with, like, Idi Amin? | ||
| Or, you know, somebody... | ||
| Some warlord. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Some warlord was on some show. | ||
| All right, guys, relax. | ||
| I killed a couple hundred thousand people. | ||
| Yeah, what if Saddam Hussein was one day on one of these... | ||
| You know, he would definitely be on like Celebrity Apprentice and shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, could you imagine? | ||
| After a while, he would do those. | ||
| Celebrity Survivor. | ||
| That's the future. | ||
| That's when our civilization really goes into the shitter. | ||
| Yeah, wait a minute. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Instead of, seriously, instead of killing, I know this is like running man shit, but instead of killing Charles Taylor and fucking Saddam Hussein, all these people, why not have like a... | ||
| Let him fucking running, man it out. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Just so it's entertaining? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's when we get dangerously immoral. | ||
| And you're like, this guy littered. | ||
| Get him in there. | ||
| What if we can hunt abortions somehow? | ||
| I'll give him a fighting chance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you get shrunk down so you're in there with the woman. | ||
| Like inner space. | ||
| Inner space abortions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Could you imagine? | ||
| It's talking to you while you're in there. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| Don't do it, daddy. | ||
| Just like you. | ||
| We're going to have a wonderful life, father. | ||
| Father. | ||
| Not if you end it now. | ||
| He's already creeped out. | ||
| Hey, when you walked up to kill it after you punctured it, did you have any thought of like, I should say a snappy superhero line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so serious. | |
| The moment is so sober. | ||
| The moment you just shot an animal for the first time and dropped it and seen it flop onto its back with its legs up in the air. | ||
| It was like trying to get up but it couldn't get up. | ||
| It was done. | ||
| You didn't think to say, I guess the buck stops here. | ||
| Pull the sunglasses up. | ||
| What is the dude's name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The dude from Miami CSI? What's that sound that he does? | |
| Oh, God. | ||
| I guess the buck stops here, you son of a bitch. | ||
| No, it wasn't funny at all. | ||
| How did you decide who gets the shot? | ||
| It was me. | ||
| I was with Steve, and Brian Callum was off with another professional hunting guide, and Brian also was getting filmed with a different camera, because you can't have that many people out hunting, deciding which animal to go. | ||
| Did his go well? | ||
| Yeah, he shot an animal too. | ||
| Did you guys meet up at night? | ||
| Yeah, we meet up at night. | ||
| You knew where the camping spot is? | ||
| Yeah, we met up. | ||
| Well, we had a camping spot, and then we would go hiking, and then we'd come back to the camping spot, and then we would row together. | ||
| So we would talk shit while we were rowing down the river together, make jokes. | ||
| Brian Callen is one of the perfect human beings to go on any long trip like that, because he's so fucking hilarious, and he's never off. | ||
| He's never off. | ||
| He's on the whole time. | ||
| It was a series of gay jokes. | ||
| That never ended or evolved, but they got more and more hilarious until the end of it. | ||
| It was like, while we're, I mean, this sounds like so disrespectful, but while we're like butchering the deer, in between it, Callan does this thing where he starts, stands over the ravine and starts masturbating into the ravine. | ||
| Just comes up with the, they call me the ravine comer. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I do. | ||
| I find a ravine. | ||
| Oh, I can't help coming. | ||
| I'm coming into the world! | ||
| It was so ridiculous. | ||
| You're not going to be able to use that though, right? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| No, but we're going to put it on the internet. | ||
| We're going to put it on the internet because it was so ridiculous. | ||
| It has to go on the internet. | ||
| He had his tongue out and he was making this fucking really aggressive face and just pretending to shoot loads over the ravine. | ||
| It was so silly and so hilarious. | ||
| But it was also in stark contrast to what we were doing at the time, which was butchering this animal. | ||
| When I gutted it, that was the really intense part because it was just a few moments after I shot it. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, I'm cutting it open. | ||
| And as I'm cutting it open, steam is coming out. | ||
| Like a tauntaun. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, not quite so bad, but very close. | ||
| And it's really, really warm. | ||
| Their bodies are warmer than ours. | ||
| Their bodies are like 104 degrees or something like that. | ||
| Did you get your hands in there and warm them up? | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| Well, not warm them up. | ||
| I had to pull the organs out. | ||
| Did they all... | ||
| If you sliced, did they... | ||
| Yeah, you have to slice it a certain way. | ||
| You have to slice around the body, like pull it all the way up to the neck, and then you have to cut through the ribcage with a hatchet. | ||
| It's serious shit, man. | ||
| Is that your first time? | ||
| You never did any kind of butcher stuff? | ||
| No, it's fucking serious shit. | ||
| When you're eating a piece of meat from an animal that you saw bouncing around, And then you put a bullet into him and then you go and open him up and take his organs out and then section his body off and then cook and eat it. | ||
| There's no confusion as to where that meat came from. | ||
| There's a complete direct attachment. | ||
| So then it becomes sort of a philosophical debate. | ||
| Like, is that what you want to do? | ||
| Do you want to just kill natural animals and eat them? | ||
| Or do you want to just remain to be a part of this sort of strange disconnect system where we are all getting meat and not even thinking for a second that that used to be an animal? | ||
| We have, like, no intellectual connection with the idea that that was an animal. | ||
| To the actual animal it came from. | ||
| Yeah, we just eat it. | ||
| Especially we eat this really unhealthy stuff with all this fat in it. | ||
| A burger looks nothing like an animal. | ||
| Not even close. | ||
| Doesn't even make sense. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's fucking weird. | ||
| I'm not outside. | ||
| Are you really thinking about that while you're eating? | ||
| This is going through your mind? | ||
| No. | ||
| Because I feel like I would just be like, this is delicious! | ||
| While I was eating it, I was thinking this is delicious, but I was also thinking, man, this is a serious thing that just happened, you know? | ||
| And I've got to treat this serious thing with respect. | ||
| Someone said on my message board once that hunting was psychedelic, that he felt hunting was psychedelic. | ||
| And I was like, well, that's ridiculous. | ||
| That's what sociopaths do. | ||
| It sounds like you don't know what psychedelic means. | ||
| That's what I was thinking. | ||
| How could that be psychedelic? | ||
| That's like the opposite of psychedelic. | ||
| You're like... | ||
| Killing an animal, you're taking a life, but then in doing it, I think I know what he meant or what it could mean. | ||
| What's psychedelic about it is that you are in a totally different world. | ||
| When you're there and you're in nature, okay, and there's no cell phone signal, there's no radio, there's no media, nothing is in front of you except nature, and you're walking around in it all day looking for an animal, and then when you finally lock onto that animal, and you're doing this for days and days, and you finally lock onto that animal, and then you take that animal's life, and you see it, and you become a part of this experience, then eat this thing, you realize, like, whoa, all of a sudden, like, I'm in the wild. | ||
| Like, I am literally immersed in the wild. | ||
| I've just slept in the wild, ate an animal that I shot in the wild, killed it in the wild, cooked it in the wild on some trees. | ||
| We chopped some wood and we made a campfire and cooked it over a campfire. | ||
| I mean, it is as wildlife immersive as is possible. | ||
| And when that happens, man, it's a real paradigm shifting moment. | ||
| And much like in a psychedelic experience, after it's over, you go, wow, I am going to take as much of that I can take with me, and that's going to make me a better person. | ||
| That's going to make me a more honest person. | ||
| This is certainly a powerful experience. | ||
| I'm going to grow from it. | ||
| I think about that almost every time I trip or have tripped, and that's exactly how I felt about this. | ||
| And in that way, it's sort of psychedelic. | ||
| Did you trip at all while you were there? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Would you have freaked out if you did? | ||
| No, I wouldn't have freaked out, but there was no time to fuck around. | ||
| It was a difficult endeavor. | ||
| The way he does it, you don't have time to go do mushrooms and lie around the grass for six hours. | ||
| You're up wandering through the hills of the rifle and if I had gone all the way there with them and then decided to just do mushrooms that would be like so disrespectful to his show and so disrespectful to what he's trying to do because what he's trying to do is with his show he's trying to do these really difficult and challenging hunts and he took me along to do it exactly the way he does it. | ||
| So I had to do it the way he does it. | ||
| Okay, picture this. | ||
| You go out, you got that on day three out of five. | ||
| Why do I have a feeling this is going to be a gay question? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You and Karen are sharing it too. | |
| You're on Brokeback Mountain. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Okay, you get this thing on day three. | ||
| You're back to your last campsite. | ||
| You still have a day and a half left. | ||
| You're like, okay, we did it. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| You're coming to terms with that stuff. | ||
| And you're undoing your sleeping bag and stuff. | ||
| You're like, yeah, I should wear my coat. | ||
| It's actually cold. | ||
| And you reach near your pocket. | ||
| You're like, oh, fuck. | ||
| Hey, guys. | ||
| I forgot these were in here. | ||
| I just found these mushrooms. | ||
| Would you do them then? | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Everybody could do them. | ||
| The problem is I would want to not be incapacitated in case something went wrong. | ||
| You never know what could go wrong. | ||
| When you're camping, the idea that you're just going to sit there and you do the mushrooms for five hours and you'll be fine. | ||
| That sounds good in theory. | ||
| However, you need eight hours sleep and you really got to make sure you get that because you've got a hard day ahead of you. | ||
| And second of all, There's no five hour breaks there between the light being off, eating your food, and then sleeping for eight hours, then getting up while it's still dark out. | ||
| There's no time to do it. | ||
| I wouldn't have done it because there was still work to be done. | ||
| I still had to go back up there and get the deer itself and cut it apart. | ||
| That stuff takes hours. | ||
| It wasn't easy. | ||
| Oh, you went back. | ||
| Yeah, so there was no time to do mushrooms. | ||
| And then the next morning, Brian got his, so he helped me go and get my deer and cut it up, and that's when he was jerking off into the ravine, calling himself the ravine comer. | ||
| But, you know, the whole experience was very surreal. | ||
| From pulling the trigger to watching the animal fall into its back, it was very surreal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| To, you know, ending its life, you know, to cutting it open and to eating it. | ||
| It's pretty fucking intense, man. | ||
| And I think that's the most honest way to get food. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think that's the most honest way to get meat. | ||
| I'm not... | ||
| I can't say that... | ||
| I mean, I'm not in a position where I could eat all my meat like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think that's the right way to do it. | ||
| I think if I didn't have this kind of traveling stand-up comedy schedule... | ||
| If I was able to live in one place for long periods of time, I would do that. | ||
| I would get all my meat from game. | ||
| I think if you want to choose to eat meat, that's the most honest way to do it. | ||
| Not saying there's anything wrong with having a steak. | ||
| I wonder if farmers come to the big city and be like, dude, you can just find meat at the supermarket. | ||
| It's just so much better. | ||
| Why are we fooling ourselves? | ||
| We're doing this and this. | ||
| It's the most honest way to get your meat. | ||
| I think there's something about farming much like something about hunting. | ||
| I think there's something primal about it. | ||
| I do like picking something off a tree or bush and eating it right there. | ||
| I like growing it. | ||
| I've been growing things lately, man. | ||
| There's something cool to that. | ||
| We went to Underwood Farms. | ||
| They have this big farm where you can pick out your own food. | ||
| You can go and pick out your own pumpkins for Halloween. | ||
| You can pick out all kinds of different things that they grow there and then you bring it back and you pay for it. | ||
| I looked and I'm like, how difficult would this be to do? | ||
| Because it seems like a really smart thing to do. | ||
| To have a bunch of food growing in your yard. | ||
| It's so fresh. | ||
| To have a place. | ||
| What if we had Death Squad Farms where we all grew our food. | ||
| Like hire someone to run a farm, buy a piece of land, set up an irrigation system, and that way we know where all our kale comes from, all our strawberries come from. | ||
| That seems like that would be attainable. | ||
| This is obviously step one on the way to the cult compound slash farm. | ||
| But we'll start with a farm, because nobody can argue with the farm. | ||
| If you start with a cult, then all of a sudden they're like, hey man, you guys just can't go all culty on us. | ||
| But if you start off with a farm, I'm like, listen man, I'm just into making tomatoes. | ||
| How long? | ||
| And then how many years before somebody's like, so take up arms? | ||
| Yeah, pretty quickly. | ||
| I think right away. | ||
| As soon as you start killing deers, then people are like, we need guns to kill deer. | ||
| That would be the shit. | ||
| If you could grow your own food and live off of wild game and vegetables that you grow, that is a very close to nature way to live. | ||
| The argument against killing animals, obviously, is they're beautiful, and why would you do that, and this and that, but the bottom line is you need to maintain populations, because if humans don't maintain the population, then we have to give up our spot as the number one predator and bring somebody else in to do it. | ||
| We've decided we would rather kill a deer than have to worry about hitting one with our cars. | ||
| And worry about all the different predators that will grow in size and number if you are not killing those deer. | ||
| Oh, yeah, because then they have more food. | ||
| So it goes on from there. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| Well, look, a lot of folks don't realize that wolves were a real problem in this world at one point in time. | ||
| It seems so strange to say, but like Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood and all that shit, where all those stories come from... | ||
| At one point in time, wolves used to kill people. | ||
| It was normal. | ||
| In France... | ||
| I've got to pull this up because I saw this. | ||
| I just want to make sure that I quote this correctly because it's crazy. | ||
| Does the wolf grow up really big? | ||
| Yeah, wolves killed like 40 people in the 1400s in France, in Paris. | ||
| 40 fucking people. | ||
| Yeah, the wolves of Paris. | ||
| That'd be such a horrible way to die. | ||
| Dude, are you kidding? | ||
| This is wolf ripping you apart. | ||
| The Wolves of Paris. | ||
| Oh, like Walking Dead. | ||
| In 1450, the animals entered into the city during the winter through breaches in the walls. | ||
| They put walls up to keep them out. | ||
| Wait, what year? | ||
| 1450. A wolf named Cortade or Bobtail was the leader of the pack, and reports of the animal being reddish in color may be indicative of a Liberian wolf perhaps having migrated from the Pyrenees? | ||
| Eventually the wolves were killed when the Parisians, furious at the death, lured Cortade Wow. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| death in front of the cathedral. | ||
| They cornered the wolves. | ||
| People were literally fighting for their lives against wolves. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Do you know how horrifying that must have been? | ||
| That's where the werewolf, the myth of werewolves come from. | ||
| Just some real wolves. | ||
| Comes from real wolves and wolves being smart as shit. | ||
| They're so smart, they seem like they're people. | ||
| They hunt in packs and they have the alphas and the betas. | ||
| They have a system. | ||
| Powerful wind. | ||
| Solar system. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| They could blow houses down. | ||
| Oh, in the old days. | ||
| Yeah, in the old days. | ||
| Before they started smoking. | ||
| They got into cool menthols and they just fucking ruined their huff and puff. | ||
| They could put on old ladies clothing too and try to fool little girls. | ||
| Yeah, they could talk English back in the day. | ||
| So that's what always scares me about camping. | ||
| What if one of those things comes up at my tent? | ||
| Well, it's a problem when you're not armed, and it's a problem there's not that many of you. | ||
| You know, when we were with the Meat Eater crew, it was one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. | ||
| It was like, all together, I believe there was nine of us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there was quite a few people. | ||
| But if three of those big wolves, just in the middle of the night, just started... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It could be a problem. | ||
| Like how long until the first person wakes up, gets his gun out. | ||
| Yeah, well that's the movie The Grey. | ||
| Did you see The Grey? | ||
| Yeah, but that's what I understand about The Grey. | ||
| They always count them one by one. | ||
| It's like, just kill everyone. | ||
| The wolves? | ||
| Twelve of you wolves. | ||
| These guys can't do shit. | ||
| That's probably the only realistic thing about the movie. | ||
| They did it one at a time. | ||
| They're sneaky. | ||
| Yeah, wolves are smart, man. | ||
| They take their time on you. | ||
| But when they are all walking towards the trees and the one guy fell back a little bit and they all went nuts on him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they all came and was like, hey. | ||
| They just could have turned on the rest of them. | ||
| Yeah, but they might not have. | ||
| Wolves are very clever, man. | ||
| That might be a realistic part of the movie, that they saw the people running back with guns, that they would run away. | ||
| Dude, we heard those wolves kill a skunk when I was camping. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The yell they let out. | ||
| It's just so amazing. | ||
| They all just start howling like, we've done it. | ||
| Where I was, you didn't have to worry about wolves. | ||
| We didn't even hear them. | ||
| But they do have them in Idaho. | ||
| It's not that far away. | ||
| They reintroduced them to the United States. | ||
| In Idaho? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because they were worried about the ecosystem. | ||
| They wanted to bring it back. | ||
| They wanted to reintroduce the predators. | ||
| It's really interesting because it's having a devastating effect on the game. | ||
| But it's also to keep the game populations in order. | ||
| Now they're forced to have wolf hunts. | ||
| Because the wolves don't have any predators. | ||
| And the wolves used to have the predator, and the predator was us. | ||
| So now people are hunting wolves. | ||
| And now, of course, there's a lot of people that are upset that people are hunting wolves. | ||
| And I used to agree with that. | ||
| I used to say, wow, you can't hunt fucking wolves. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I think there's something majestic about a wolf. | ||
| And there's something where you're not going to eat them. | ||
| And people were like, why would you be able to hunt wolves? | ||
| Oh, because you can't eat them. | ||
| Yeah, but now as I get older, I understand. | ||
| You have to hunt them to keep the populations in control. | ||
| Because if you don't, then they start going after livestock. | ||
| And they will go after people. | ||
| A woman got killed by a wolf this year in Alaska. | ||
| Yeah, if there's more wolves, so then there becomes less food for all of them to grow around, then as those wolves die out, they get crazy at the end. | ||
| And that's when it becomes, look, if you have an overpopulation problem of wolves and they don't have enough food, that becomes a real fucking problem. | ||
| That's when there's plenty of problems, that's when the population grow, that's all fine. | ||
| Yeah, so when everyone's looking at these wolves right now and saying like, oh, I think it sucks that people are going to hunt wolves, like... | ||
| They have to hunt them now. | ||
| If you don't hunt them now, we're going to get to a situation where it's going to be a problem. | ||
| And the last problem you want is a fucking wolf problem. | ||
| Imagine wolves start just jacking people again on a regular basis. | ||
| And we'll think how fucking stupid we were to let ourselves get to a situation where we built the murderer population back then. | ||
| The people murderers. | ||
| Imagine if I was walking down the street on Pasadena, just a wolf. | ||
| I'd be like, don't go outside for all night. | ||
| Packs of them. | ||
| Snarling, eating babies. | ||
| Yeah, we just have bears here in Pasadena. | ||
| They do. | ||
| That bear that keeps on coming down from the woods and is going to people's swimming pools. | ||
| Yeah, with its babies. | ||
| It's come down with its babies before. | ||
| They've even had, in Altadena, they had mountain lions chilling in this lady's driveway. | ||
| They had one in Santa Monica. | ||
| Yeah, they had to shoot it. | ||
| They had to kill it. | ||
| Yeah, that was a big one, too, man. | ||
| Yeah, it was a big-ass fucking 200-pounder. | ||
| It's like, hey, we made an agreement. | ||
| Stay over there, and we stay over here. | ||
| Dude, how big? | ||
| I'm saying 200 pounds. | ||
| I think that's how big it was. | ||
| That's what I remember. | ||
| How big is your big dog? | ||
| Like 90 pounds? | ||
| With Johnny? | ||
| Johnny is 140. So he's way bigger than that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Is it really 200 pounds? | ||
| I know they get that big. | ||
| Was there any moment right before you pulled the trigger? | ||
| Were you just zoned in? | ||
| Or were you like, let me think about what I'm about to do right now? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I didn't think that. | ||
| I just wanted to make sure that I got the right shot. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| 200 yards is a really far distance to shoot. | ||
| That's why I tried to get the bullet to go through his heart. | ||
| It didn't go through his heart. | ||
| It landed right above the heart. | ||
| A couple inches above the heart is where the spine is. | ||
| That's where it hit him and dropped him. | ||
| Why do they tell you not to go with a head? | ||
| Because it's harder to hit. | ||
| Mountain Lion killed in Santa Monica is probably seeking a home. | ||
| Oh, poor baby. | ||
| You think? | ||
| It's probably just seeking a home. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How big is it? | ||
| Come on, you fucks. | ||
| While you're waiting for Joe to look at that information, go buy Revenge for the Holocaust. | ||
| My new CD on iTunes and Amazon and CD Baby. | ||
| Powerful are we, Shafi? | ||
| That was really weird that you called me Pokemon earlier and you had no idea that I had Pokemon in my car, Joe. | ||
| Maybe I did know. | ||
| Maybe I knew you, silly bitch. | ||
| How would you know? | ||
| I never talked about it. | ||
| Brian, I'm tuned into the universe. | ||
| I'm a hunter now. | ||
| Why do you have a Pokemon costume? | ||
| I'm connected to the spirit of the wild. | ||
| Brain scanning me, man. | ||
| Why do you... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is really fucking weird, though, because I don't think I've told you. | ||
| Dude, I'm a fucking brain scanner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because it's Pokemon! | |
| Yeah, but we've never talked Pokemon ever. | ||
| I've never talked Pokemon ever. | ||
| But if any one of us would have a Pokemon outfit, you would be the winner of that gamble. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| The Christians would say this is a sign from God. | ||
| I put it in my car on the way here. | ||
| I just got it this morning. | ||
| Brian, I don't know if you know this, but I know that you're a silly bitch. | ||
| You're stalking me. | ||
| You're hunting me, aren't you? | ||
| I know, you're a silly bitch. | ||
| Wait, why do you have a Pokemon costume? | ||
| I understand silly bitches. | ||
| Oh, it's Halloween's coming up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking Halloween. | ||
| I hate it so much. | ||
| Word. | ||
| It's so much pressure. | ||
| I got a gorilla outfit, but it was way too hot. | ||
| I don't see how anyone could wear a gorilla outfit. | ||
| Why is it pressure, Ari? | ||
| You're so negative and angry. | ||
| You gotta put something on, and it's like if you don't, then it becomes like, oh, you didn't do it. | ||
| Just get one of these. | ||
| If you do, you gotta explain it. | ||
| I just wanna, oh, come on. | ||
| Ari, this is like pajamas. | ||
| It feels just, it's so soft. | ||
| You just put it on, it just feels like you're wearing pajamas. | ||
| You should wear that everywhere you go, just so people know what your real personality is like. | ||
| It'll be like Minnie Dean everywhere. | ||
| Why fuck around, man? | ||
| Just wear that everywhere. | ||
| That would actually be cool if we never addressed it, if you wore that at every podcast. | ||
| If that was my part. | ||
| That's where you went. | ||
| Yeah, why not, man? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It smells so bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's cool. | |
| I like it. | ||
| It covers up your headphones. | ||
| It makes you look mysterious back there. | ||
| You look like that DJ. Who? | ||
| Deadmau5? | ||
| Deadmau5. | ||
| You're Pokemau5. | ||
| Have you seen Deadmau5's and Kat Von D's Twitter lately, by the way? | ||
| No. | ||
| Every single tweet is, I love you. | ||
| No, I love you. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| They're in love, man. | ||
| It's so silly. | ||
| Are they dating? | ||
| He makes good music. | ||
| They live together now. | ||
| She's hot as fuck. | ||
| God, it's the worst when people fall in love and they feel like we've got to make it public as possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Aww. | |
| Oh, someone's a hater. | ||
| Everybody does it. | ||
| It's so like, dude, nobody cares. | ||
| It's worse than eating babies and shitting in people's mouths while they're sleeping. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| The worst, Ari. | ||
| The worst. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The worst thing ever, ever, ever, ever. | |
| I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. | ||
| It's just so annoying. | ||
| It's just like, we get it. | ||
| We're all bored with you now. | ||
| Can't you just let them be in their glory? | ||
|
unidentified
|
For what? | |
| For like a month? | ||
| They have to keep hearing about it, seeing a post about it? | ||
| Look, he's so negative. | ||
| It's not funny. | ||
| He's so negative. | ||
| What if they were tweeting on an airplane and they put their seats back and you were sitting behind them and they were tweeting? | ||
| And they were tweeting. | ||
| Oh, that would be the worst, too. | ||
| That's the worst? | ||
| What is the worst? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Holocaust? | |
| Is the Holocaust the worst? | ||
| No, none of that is the worst. | ||
| He gets pissed. | ||
| I had to sit in front of him the other day. | ||
| Anyone who leans their seat back all the way is just saying, I don't respect the person's... | ||
| Boundaries in any way behind me are their feelings that I may be crushing their legs. | ||
| No, they're saying, I would like my seat to go back. | ||
| Yeah, and I don't care about what anyone else is doing. | ||
| That doesn't get your legs out of the way. | ||
| It still crushes them. | ||
| Everybody's seat has a little button. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So what? | |
| That's what you're allowed to do. | ||
| So then you're allowed to go back as far as they let you? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And what if they let you go a little further back? | ||
| Would you go a little further back? | ||
| As long as that was what was agreed to. | ||
| And what if they let you go all the way back to where you're lying on somebody's lap? | ||
| Would you do that? | ||
| Or would you use your own mind to say that somebody's sitting back there? | ||
| You need some yoga and some Vicodin. | ||
| I would never do that to someone. | ||
| I would never smash their fucking legs with my chair. | ||
| You're acting like it's a violent act. | ||
| It is violent. | ||
| So you don't feel like you want to... | ||
| What? | ||
| You don't feel like you want to put your seat back at a point? | ||
| I'm sure I do. | ||
| I am so uncomfortable, especially being a tall gentleman. | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| But I don't put it back because someone is sitting back there. | ||
| No, but they're designed for that. | ||
| Who cares how far they're designed? | ||
| It's annoying. | ||
| You can't type in your computer if somebody leans back. | ||
| You need to get rich enough to get a private chat. | ||
| You can't ever look at your laptop when somebody's leaning back in front of you. | ||
| He's talking about coach, Joe. | ||
| He's talking about coach. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| It just shows a lack of caring about other humans. | ||
| No, it doesn't, Ari. | ||
| Yes, it does. | ||
| It shows you want to lean your seat back. | ||
| Yes, I know. | ||
| That's the desire. | ||
| That's the reason you're doing it. | ||
| But everyone does it. | ||
| It's not a reason to do anything! | ||
| It is, because it's a comfort thing. | ||
| Because everyone does it. | ||
| And it's an agreement. | ||
| Yours leans back, mine leans back. | ||
| If you know you're less comfortable when somebody's smashing into your legs, then do it to someone else. | ||
| It's a horrible act. | ||
| It's a horrible, selfish act. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| You know how bad it is. | ||
| You have to deal... | ||
| If you were a one-year-old whose legs didn't go off the chair, I could see it because he wouldn't know what it felt like to someone to go back on him. | ||
| When you're not able to use your computer at all... | ||
| You are a very tall guy and your legs get in the way when someone tries to lean their seat back. | ||
| If you're crossing your legs, you can't fit. | ||
| However, me and Brian are stubby and we fit in fine. | ||
| So it's a completely different situation. | ||
| You also are like... | ||
| That's like a version of it being like a big giant fat guy that doesn't fit in a seat. | ||
| I actually kind of like it when I'm laying back and the ones in front of me is laying back. | ||
| It's like a little SkyMall blanket. | ||
| I feel more protected like no one's going to rack me in the balls. | ||
| Oh, SkyMall blanket. | ||
| You guys are selfish. | ||
| Selfish? | ||
| Both selfish. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I don't see it that way. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Causing someone pain and saying I choose not to think about it is not selfish? | ||
| It doesn't cause me pain, man. | ||
| No, it causes someone else pain. | ||
| Someone in front of me cleans back. | ||
| You haven't sat in coach in 12 years. | ||
| Someone in front of me sat in coach this weekend. | ||
| Yeah, but hey, it's the worst. | ||
| If you have your thing out and you're on your computer, you can't be on your computer anymore. | ||
| It's too far back. | ||
| Yeah, you can't. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| So, that's annoying, but you'll still inflict that on someone else for the joy of leaning a little. | ||
| If you want to, you can do that. | ||
| Yeah, you're allowed. | ||
| The law allows it. | ||
| This is why government doesn't work, because everyone's corruptible. | ||
| You're not there to be on your computer. | ||
| You're not there to do anything! | ||
| You're not there to lean back! | ||
| You're there to sit in your seat and travel. | ||
| You're there to get somewhere. | ||
| You know who's fault it is? | ||
| It's the airline's fault, not me for leaning my seat back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, because humans can't be trusted to think about others. | |
| Honestly, if they let you go as far back as you wanted, all the way back, a bunch of you motherfuckers would keep doing it. | ||
| They would. | ||
| They would. | ||
| They were like, I don't know, it goes there, so I'm just gonna do it. | ||
| And then more people would get ahead, because girls just would not be able to help themselves. | ||
| It'd be dicks right next to their face. | ||
| It's an asshole move. | ||
| We don't know what's happening. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Oh, Ari, you're really exaggerating here. | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| Wait till you read. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| It's selfish. | ||
| Everyone knows what it does to people, but you do it anyway. | ||
| It's just a small, selfish act. | ||
| I don't think it's that selfish. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| Selfish people never think they're doing anything wrong with people. | ||
| Oh, selfish people. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's just you're a very tall guy, man. | ||
| It's very different for you than it is for me or Brian. | ||
| Okay, so do you see if there's a tall guy behind you? | ||
| Do you look and say, oh, there's a tall guy behind me. | ||
| I'm not going to do this. | ||
| You're like a fat person on a plane. | ||
| You need to understand that you're tall. | ||
| You need to spend the extra $40, do the business upgrade class or whatever, exit row. | ||
| And that's what you have to do. | ||
| If I see a short person behind me, I still don't leave my chair back because I fucking disrupt them. | ||
| Aw, you're a sweetie. | ||
| I'm just not selfish in that act. | ||
| That's you, Ari. | ||
| I just like the fact that when somebody does lean his seat back, instead of going, ma'am, I'm very tall, blah, blah, blah, blah, he just starts kicking it and hitting it. | ||
| Well, I think that was before you did mushrooms. | ||
| That was six years ago. | ||
| But I still do get very annoyed. | ||
| He gets annoyed, but he doesn't even respond violently. | ||
| You don't do that? | ||
| Sometimes I do this. | ||
| I say, just so you know, you're going to make things very uncomfortable for me, and I'm going to be in pain. | ||
| I'm going to have pain in my knee because you lean back. | ||
| I know you're allowed, but But just know that's what's going to happen to me. | ||
| Why don't you just ask them? | ||
| Would you please, would you mind? | ||
| I have knee operations and I'm all fucked up and gangly. | ||
| Would you mind just moving your seat up a little bit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm 6'3". | |
| I'm not that tall. | ||
| It's not crazy. | ||
| I'm 5'8". | ||
| Yeah, you are. | ||
| That's so tall. | ||
| You're taller than average. | ||
| Most people are like me and Joe's size. | ||
| Yeah, but you know where that difference is? | ||
| You're just talking about knee to waist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the only difference in terms of where it affects your seat. | ||
| What about cock? | ||
| So those 5 inches? | ||
| Is your cock getting in the way, buddy? | ||
| 7 inches. | ||
| My cock does not get in the way. | ||
| It adds that much more. | ||
| Frothy loads. | ||
| Frothy sink loads. | ||
| Your cock doesn't get crossed up. | ||
| You can do that weird thing where you can actually fold one leg over the top. | ||
| My little troll legs don't work that way. | ||
| I can't fold my leg over the top of my leg. | ||
| My legs are just fat. | ||
| Try to do it. | ||
| I can only wear certain types of pants. | ||
| Most pants I can't wear. | ||
| Like Levi's 501s. | ||
| I can't even get those on. | ||
| If they fit my waist, they never fit my legs. | ||
| They get onto my legs and they just lock up halfway. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because you have thick thighs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I feel like a troll. | ||
| I'm 5'8", 190 pounds. | ||
| And most of it's in my legs and my ass. | ||
| 5'8", 190? | ||
| You guys are both 5'8"? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How much do you weigh? | ||
| 210. Jesus. | ||
| Men are so different than women. | ||
| If a girl ever did that to her friend, what do you weigh? | ||
| 210? | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| You'd be such an asshole! | ||
| At the end of the friendship. | ||
| Isn't it funny? | ||
| Women are allowed to do that. | ||
| It's something they're allowed to do. | ||
| Allowed to do what? | ||
| Allowed to keep that, you know, like, you're not supposed to talk about how much a girl weighs, or you can't, like, ask her and then, like, get in her face like, you fat fuck! | ||
| You can't say that. | ||
| Putting it on the pounds lately, huh? | ||
| Yeah, you can't say that. | ||
| You're an asshole if you do. | ||
| But with guys, like, look at you, you fat fuck. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| It's lack of respect. | ||
| Guys do it all the time. | ||
| It's lack of respect for women. | ||
| That's why we don't do it. | ||
| Because we're like, they can't handle it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, they're sensitive. | |
| They're little babies that we can't fucking trust with real feelings. | ||
| Well, we have testosterone, man. | ||
| Testosterone is a ruthless fucking hormone. | ||
| Speak for yourself. | ||
| I'm getting there. | ||
| I'm taking zinc for frothy loads. | ||
| By the way, Onnit is going to have a testosterone-boosting formula. | ||
| We found out there's a bunch of things besides zinc and magnesium. | ||
| There's something called Tongat Ali, and there's a bunch of different herbs that have been shown, and actual real clinical tests to up testosterone when you take them for more than 10 or 11 days. | ||
| Yeah, Aubrey was saying that he tried the ZMA Max or whatever that zinc thing was, and it just made him shit a lot, like diarrhea. | ||
| I've never had that problem. | ||
| He must have got a bad batch, or it was confusing it because he was also doing tequila and meth. | ||
| It's tough to isolate. | ||
| I met a dude this weekend who had a stroke from meth. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, we went to a bar and this guy came in with his friend. | ||
| His friend was 25 years old and he had a stroke from doing meth at 23. 23? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he's learning to reuse his body again. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| Meth is a motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's one thing you have to deal with in places like Montana. | ||
| There's a lot of meth problems in those places. | ||
| I make jokes about pills sometimes, and when I get away from LA or New York, I think, oh, you're not going to get it because you guys don't. | ||
| And then it hit me, like Indianapolis, Kansas City. | ||
| I'm like, oh, this is where pills are. | ||
| This is where meth is. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Pills are everywhere, man. | ||
| We live in a really strange world because in the middle of this whole debate on marijuana that keeps going on in the public eye, When you see it on CNN... Pills are everywhere. | ||
| While this is happening, while this is marijuana and distraction, there are so many pill junkies in this country. | ||
| Yeah, so much. | ||
| Monster, monster numbers. | ||
| And no one's doing shit about it. | ||
| There's a lot of meth heads in this country, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot. | |
| And no one's doing shit about it. | ||
| And then you see cops... | ||
| They're just dressing up like high school students and pretended to be high school students trying to get them to sell them weed. | ||
| Like, really? | ||
| Why are you not busting the meth labs, you fuck? | ||
| You're not done. | ||
| You didn't do your work. | ||
| You're going to go after high school kids selling weed. | ||
| High schoolers selling marijuana should be the last thing you have to get there. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It should be. | ||
| Even if it's illegal. | ||
| We've cured all the murder. | ||
| We've resolved who committed all the murders. | ||
| We've put everybody in jail. | ||
| We've cleaned up the streets. | ||
| We're down to zero crime. | ||
| Okay, how about high school kids who sell weed? | ||
| All right, we'll go after that. | ||
| Get all the other drugs first. | ||
| We'll have utopia. | ||
| Look at Ari. | ||
| I look like I'm the guy in the front. | ||
| You're so uncomfortable. | ||
| Putting up a picture that's kind of drawn in the same way as the instructions that are in planes telling you where the exits are, but it's a guy very uncomfortable with the seat in front of him. | ||
| Getting his knees smashed. | ||
| You should just jerk off into people's hair. | ||
| It seems perfect. | ||
| Just put it in there a little bit. | ||
| That would be very, very rude. | ||
| That would be a violation. | ||
| It is fucking rude, though, how they shove so many goddamn seats onto a plane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know! | |
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It's like we're cattle now! | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's such not a seat. | ||
| What's really funny is they tempt you at the airport. | ||
| At the airport, you get to sit in those seats waiting to get on the plane. | ||
| And those are great. | ||
| Those aren't bad. | ||
| Those are great. | ||
| And you're like, hey, hey, hey. | ||
| Okay, obviously you know what size seats should be. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Because you got them everywhere, you fuck. | ||
| You're teasing me. | ||
| You're aware. | ||
| It's not like you have no idea of what size seats should be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You got them all over this fucking gate. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| And then I get on. | ||
| You're like, oh, we forgot. | ||
| We forgot. | ||
| We forgot what size it is. | ||
| We're going to make them half that size, right? | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| No, it's not okay, asshole. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Callan and I were sitting next to each other, and I'm not a big guy, man. | ||
| But I'm touching the airplane on my left side and touching him on my right side. | ||
| Can't we do three rows of two instead of two rows of three? | ||
| That's exactly what it should be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just make it tighter to get it round. | ||
| It should be rows of two, and it should be more space in between the rows. | ||
| I guess you have to pay a little bit more for that. | ||
| People don't want to do that, but man, I just feel like the way they're doing it now, it's so cattle-like. | ||
| It should be beds, like bunk bed style. | ||
| It should be people on top of people, so you're kind of laying down. | ||
| In a bunk bed. | ||
| That wouldn't be bad. | ||
| Old people couldn't do it. | ||
| No, old people would be on the bottom. | ||
| Some old people can barely stand up. | ||
| Old people have the seats. | ||
| You can't crawl out. | ||
| Just have a bunch of beds in the back. | ||
| People would start fucking too. | ||
| That's not a problem. | ||
| That's living your life. | ||
| There should be a lot of stuff in your sky cabin. | ||
| You say that, Ari, because you're what's called a pervert. | ||
| You're what's called a young delinquent running around out there with no responsibility trying to fuck on airplanes, okay? | ||
| But that's not good for society. | ||
| I've never fucked on an airplane. | ||
| Have you fucked on an airplane? | ||
| I've jerked off on airplanes. | ||
| Has anyone not jerked off on an airplane? | ||
| If you are, how dare you? | ||
| You need to take some more chances in your life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just think that you can't give people too many opportunities to fuck. | ||
| They would just never get any work done. | ||
| We'd never have iPads if people would just fuck whenever they wanted to. | ||
| Yeah, it would suck, man. | ||
| What if they talked really loud? | ||
| Oh, yeah, baby, put it in my shitter. | ||
| Like, hey, I'm trying to read. | ||
| Yeah, you whore. | ||
| You fucking whore, bitch. | ||
| You like this? | ||
| You guys are going to make me jerk off. | ||
| Okay, I'm going to jerk off. | ||
| Mind your own business, man. | ||
| They fucked their heads up. | ||
| Don't jerk off on me, bro. | ||
| Take a picture. | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| My loads don't shoot that far. | ||
| I'm aiming towards you. | ||
| It won't reach you. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| Take a video. | ||
| You got no Wi-Fi. | ||
| Can you imagine you just jerking off straight at the guy? | ||
| He's like three feet away. | ||
| You're like, don't worry, dude. | ||
| I'll never hit. | ||
| And then just by some crazy streak, you wind to hit the longest jizz shot ever. | ||
| It's almost like you manifested it with the secret. | ||
| My friend Josh made this bet with us that if he laid on a table, he could jerk off and hit the ceiling. | ||
| Lower ceiling than this. | ||
| He's like, I'll bet you all right now. | ||
| And we're like, literally, none of us want to watch you do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, that's a guy. | |
| I believe you. | ||
| I was just hoping. | ||
| Oh, gosh, this isn't going to work. | ||
| Come on, suck my cock. | ||
| Who wants in? | ||
| That is it. | ||
| He just wanted a bunch of guys to watch him jerk off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Think of that. | |
| It was high school. | ||
| Of course, that guy's queer as fuck. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| He would have just come and dripped out. | ||
| Cut to that guy right now. | ||
| They're roasting him like a pig over a hole. | ||
| One guy's got one in his ass, one guy's got one in his dick, and they got him hogtied. | ||
| They're just spinning him. | ||
| Spinning him butt and mouth. | ||
| And he's like, this is so much better than high school. | ||
| Wouldn't even watch me jerk off there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy's gay as fuck. | ||
| I didn't even think about that. | ||
| He's on a rotisserie right now, spinning around cocks. | ||
| Why don't people jizz on the sides and glaze them up? | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Everything back to scenarios that were gay before you knew what gay was or were aware that it actually could be around. | ||
| I knew what gay was really young. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, I moved to San Francisco when my family did when I was seven. | ||
| And our next door neighbors were gay and my aunt used to go next door and smoke weed with them and get naked with them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, because they were gay. | ||
| They didn't want to have nothing to do with her. | ||
| So they would all take off all their clothes. | ||
| They would get high together and they would all play bongos. | ||
| And I was like seven. | ||
| And I remember they were really friendly. | ||
| They weren't creepy at all. | ||
| They were very nice. | ||
| They were very nice neighbors. | ||
| Yeah, they were very nice people. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| And so my earliest encounters with gay people was very positive. | ||
| It was like our neighbors were gay. | ||
| Really nice guys. | ||
| The whole neighborhood was gay. | ||
| Oh yeah, nobody's a big deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| San Francisco was really fucking gay in the 70s. | ||
| It's interesting how there's like places that... | ||
| Well, I was Asian back then too. | ||
| There was always a lot of Asians. | ||
| It's interesting how places back then... | ||
| There's places that are just decidedly gay. | ||
| This is the gay area. | ||
| Like Santa Monica. | ||
| Here's the gay area. | ||
| This is Santa Monica Boulevard. | ||
| This is West Hollywood. | ||
| This is the gay area. | ||
| My friend called it Mecca. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah, sure. | ||
| For gay dudes. | ||
| Mecca. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Gay dudes, man. | ||
| I'm telling you, besides the persecution and the fact that people don't want them to get married, they have the fucking life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| If they really enjoy being gay... | ||
| I'll take a walk with you one day, down near my place. | ||
| No, you won't. | ||
| I'll be in my car, windows rolled up, sunglasses on. | ||
| You walk by these places. | ||
| Raccoon hat on. | ||
| Daniel Boone hat on. | ||
| Fake mustache. | ||
| They all sit there and they get wings during the day and stuff and eat and drink and talk. | ||
| And they're all just smiling and happy. | ||
| And it's like... | ||
| You're all just around pussy all day long. | ||
| You're just in a good mood. | ||
| They have good jobs. | ||
| Everyone pays their own way. | ||
| Some women get turned on by guys that are fucked up and perverted and aggressive. | ||
| They get turned on by... | ||
| Just manly shit, like manly, violent sort of behavior. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some do too. | |
| But some women don't. | ||
| One thing is the women will never totally understand it because they're not a woman. | ||
| Just like a man's never going to totally understand what it's like to be pregnant, will never be able to wrap your head around wanting a baby to grow inside you, or wanting a dick in your mouth or in your pussy. | ||
| You're not going to be able to wrap your head around that. | ||
| You're not a woman. | ||
| And I think what gay guys have going for them is they're fucking men. | ||
| They understand what it's like to be a man. | ||
| There's no confusion. | ||
| They're turned on by men and they are men. | ||
| So it's like everybody knows what the fuck is up. | ||
| Whereas it's not like this charade that you have to play when you're trying to get a girl to like you. | ||
| You're going to have to ask for like a BJ or something and hint at it. | ||
| If that was a man there, he'd be like, oh, you're drunk. | ||
| Let me blow you and get you to bed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, well, unless he was a greedy bitch. | ||
| He didn't want to blow you. | ||
| He just wanted you to blow him all the time. | ||
| Apparently, that happens in a lot of gay relationships. | ||
| There's this weird master-slave sort of thing. | ||
| This right here, too, it's mostly not butt-fucking. | ||
| It's almost all oral on handjobs. | ||
| Handjobs? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How horny are you? | ||
| How dare they? | ||
| Handjobs also means inserting stuff into your asshole as they fucking jerk you off. | ||
| Oh, well now you're talking a party. | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| That's like one of those freeze-dried foods once you add the hot water. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| It all pops out. | ||
| Yeah, let the party begin. | ||
| Beautiful, like the fucking Peter Pan. | ||
| What was it where you add water to it? | ||
| What movie was that? | ||
| It was some fantastical movie. | ||
| It's interesting that people have a problem with gay people. | ||
| It's interesting that people, I think they worry about gay people being pedophiles. | ||
| There's a big difference between being a pedophile and being gay. | ||
| And there's a lot of gay people that have nothing to do with young guys. | ||
| In fact, one of Brian Cowan's friends was a gay guy, and he was attracted to guys like John McCain's age. | ||
| He was attracted to older businessmen. | ||
| My friend Rachel's into girls that are older. | ||
| She was like, yeah, I'm dating this 52-year-old now. | ||
| I was like, ew, Rachel! | ||
|
unidentified
|
52? | |
| Ew! | ||
| But then I realized the 52-year-old is just getting a younger chick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe she likes it because she takes care of her or something. | ||
| I was like, is it all saggy and shit? | ||
| She goes, Ari, shut up. | ||
| I'm like, is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is! | |
| It's just wrinkly gray skin. | ||
| She just slaps it on her face like a dead octopus. | ||
| Slaps it on her face like a dead octopus. | ||
| Slaps it on her lips, over your ears. | ||
| All she does is stick her tongue out unenthusiastically and the big lesbian just grinds her clit on her tongue. | ||
| Just keep her tongue out. | ||
| That face-hugger pussy just rubs up and down her tongue. | ||
| She doesn't really lick the pussy as much as she just sits there with her tongue out. | ||
| And this look on her face. | ||
| He's like this. | ||
| This big, fucking, giant, floppy, face-hugger pussy. | ||
| Fucking right there. | ||
| Fucking right there, you bitch. | ||
| Oh, keep your tongue out. | ||
| Keep your tongue out. | ||
| I'm getting thirsty. | ||
| I'm almost done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm almost done. | |
| Get thirsty. | ||
| Imagine someone's complaining. | ||
| Like, you don't know. | ||
| When you complain about getting thirsty, she starts from scratch, you fucking selfish cunt. | ||
| Just keep your tongue out there and shut the fuck up. | ||
| Do you want to drive a Range Rover? | ||
| You do, okay? | ||
| Well, this woman's going to get you a Range Rover. | ||
| But you've got to keep your tongue out. | ||
| It's a good deal. | ||
| It's a small price to pay for a Range Rover. | ||
| It works off-road. | ||
| Get you a Range Rover, you fucking bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get you a fucking Range Rover. | |
| The aggressive female gay type. | ||
| Yeah, I like to see people angry about gays. | ||
| What is that exactly? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're fools. | |
| No, no, but what is it? | ||
| They're confused. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not just fools. | |
| I don't think it's that. | ||
| I think they're scared. | ||
| They're scared that somehow or another, that the gay person somehow or another is going to get a hold of them and turn them into a gay person or something. | ||
| Dudes are so scared of being gay that they will not let A woman touch their asshole or do anything with it because gay people have used that in an accent where they will not allow a woman to make it. | ||
| They can't even appreciate their own body in any way. | ||
| Yeah, we're suppressed. | ||
| We're all fucked up, man. | ||
| I can't fucking do that shit. | ||
| You can't? | ||
| Some girl's like, I'm going to strap on a dildo and fuck you. | ||
| I'm like, I know that's not gay in any way. | ||
| You have butt problems. | ||
| That doesn't sound like fun at all. | ||
| That does not sound like fun. | ||
| A girl putting on a strap on and fucking you. | ||
| Like, who are you and what are you trying to do? | ||
| Because, okay, you don't even feel that strap on, you crazy bitch. | ||
| It's not like it's a part of your body. | ||
| Patrice used to like fucking hookers with dildos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Like pushing it into them. | ||
| I don't get that. | ||
| I really don't get that. | ||
| Same sort of thing. | ||
| Me neither. | ||
| But everybody's got their own thing. | ||
| Everybody's got their own thing. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with it, as long as you make an agreement with said hooker. | ||
| Hey, listen. | ||
| Right before I come, I've got to stick my finger in my ear. | ||
| Yeah, you wrap it down. | ||
| You know, sex is such a weird thing because it's all just about what feels good to your body. | ||
| That's what it's about. | ||
| It's about people doing things to each other's body that make them feel good. | ||
| But there's so many negative connotations. | ||
| First of all, the diseases. | ||
| That's a big one. | ||
| I read that, like, gonorrhea, that there were something like 300,000 cases of gonorrhea in America in 2010. In America? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yes! | ||
| 300... | ||
| I'll work it up right now, because I think... | ||
| Yeah, 300,000 cases of gonorrhea. | ||
| That's one out of, like, 1,300 people. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I know 1,300 people. | ||
| Oh, of course I know someone who has gonorrhea, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That seems about normal. | ||
| Yeah, that's totally right. | ||
| I would be more shocked with... | ||
| No, no, but just got it. | ||
| Just got it. | ||
| I'd be more shocked with crabs. | ||
| Like, I never hear crabs. | ||
| Who has crabs anymore? | ||
| I've never even heard of crabs. | ||
| Did they kill them all? | ||
| According to August 9, 2012, there were approximately 300 reported cases of gonorrhea each year. | ||
| 300? | ||
| 300,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
300,000. | |
| In America or across? | ||
| Yeah, in America. | ||
| I was right. | ||
| Now, is gonorrhea the one that comes back and gets cured, or is that the one you get forever? | ||
| Yeah, you cure it. | ||
| You get a little shot of penicillin. | ||
| That's the one they did in Border Rock Empire where they had to shoot this thing up your dickhole and pull up and strain it all out. | ||
| So let's stop and think about that. | ||
| There's probably a lot of money in treating gonorrhea. | ||
| Think about the amount of money. | ||
| What if we found out that the medicine responsible for treating gonorrhea was also responsible for commercials that shows chicks acting like whores? | ||
| Like you thought they were selling Nikes, but really they're selling pussy because it's partially sponsored by the gonorrhea medication. | ||
| They're just trying to get them going. | ||
| Yeah, like there's dudes that are gonorrhea mercenaries, and they go out there, they give them gonorrhea, and then there's like the guys that are studs, they just can fuck a lot of bitches, and they infest a whole town with gonorrhea just so they can sell the medication. | ||
| Like the guy from Clerks who's trying to help people stop smoking so he can chew gum, and they found out he's from the Chewley Gum Factory. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, that would be hilarious if they were doing that to spread disease. | ||
| Bring down girls. | ||
| They make porn everywhere. | ||
| They try to just make it have more gonorrhea. | ||
| Well, you know, that's a weird thing about the strange groups of, like, the branch-off groups of gay people. | ||
| I mean, branch-off. | ||
| You know, those weird branches. | ||
| What is the expression? | ||
| Not branch-off, but whatever. | ||
| What I'm talking about is bug chasers. | ||
| Oh, people want AIDS? Yeah, dudes who go out and try to get HIV positive. | ||
| They want guys to shoot loads in their ass and make them HIV positive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's like, what? | ||
| They're so tied in with, like, this is a gay disease grids. | ||
| Yeah, that is a crazy request, though. | ||
| The idea that you want to go and get AIDS. Like, you're trying to go out and get HIV. Like, what? | ||
| But that just goes to show you that there's that many crazy people. | ||
| People are so fucking nuts. | ||
| There's a certain amount of people that want to tattoo their face and stretch out their lips and stretch out their ears. | ||
| There's a certain amount of people that want to fucking pierce their dicks. | ||
| There's a certain amount of people that want AIDS. I saw two people with those giant, like those big round half dollar or full coin dollar size earrings in. | ||
| They pushed it out. | ||
| A guy and a girl. | ||
| And the guy came up to me after Portland and said hi and stuff. | ||
| And I was like, are you guys together? | ||
| Both with your crazy ears. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's a restaurant that we were at in Montana. | ||
| A dude who was working there has ears like that. | ||
| Can your ears go back? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, you have to get them stitched up. | ||
| Yeah, that's no joke. | ||
| That's pretty serious. | ||
| I mean, literally, they have to go in and they have to pull your fucking meat together and stitch it up. | ||
| And they probably have to cut some of it off. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you would have to cut some of it off. | ||
| You'd have to cut some of it off. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking gross, man. | ||
| It's a weird thing that people want to do. | ||
| Like, I saw this pretty girl the other day. | ||
| She's really pretty. | ||
| She came to the show, and afterwards, she had this giant ring in her nose, like a bullring. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| Massive one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, that... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| It's aesthetics. | ||
| I'm not into it. | ||
| I'm not into it, so I can never judge. | ||
| But you like the girl with tattoos, though, right? | ||
| Yeah, I don't mind. | ||
| Yeah, that's pretty hot. | ||
| That's hot. | ||
| Yeah, especially if it's good work. | ||
| Yeah, if it's good clear, and it's got red and black, not just all black, it's like, ooh... | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And it also shows she's just dirty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She's just getting drilled on. | ||
| She could take the pain. | ||
| That's a girl who could take a serious fucking, you know, girls who, like, complain a lot about stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They should get their phone on. | ||
| 20 fucks. | ||
| That was one of the weirdest things, man, is this little thing called vibrate. | ||
| I forgot about it. | ||
| That's one of the weirdest things about being there was no cell phone, no email, no nothing for five days. | ||
| Yeah, that must have been cool. | ||
| It was strange. | ||
| You got a lot of energy in, man. | ||
| I wonder how much... | ||
| And you think it's just from that, not the being outside? | ||
| It's probably, yeah, the air. | ||
| It's probably everything, yeah. | ||
| All the above. | ||
| I think it's walking around. | ||
| I left my phone at home last night for four hours at this comedy store. | ||
| Did you panic? | ||
| But I did it on purpose. | ||
| I was like, nah, let me leave it here to charge. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And I was like, I'll be okay at fucking... | ||
| 11 p.m. | ||
| at night to whenever. | ||
| And you're talking about like down the street from your house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's like nobody... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you still got to concentrate on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We're eventually going to become a symbiotic machine. | ||
| We're going to be part machine. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just going that way. | ||
| Yeah, it would have to be. | ||
| We're already connected to your phone. | ||
| I mean, what difference does it make if they told you that we have a new phone that's more effective if you don't carry it? | ||
| We insert it into your thigh Oh, by the way, Brian, we're going to be able to upload all the shows live on YouTube as well now, and we'll be able to stream them on YouTube. | ||
| We've got a new thing going on. | ||
| Are we leaving you soon? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| We're going to do it at the same time. | ||
| Simultaneous. | ||
| Simultaneous. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| That's possible, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Two feeds? | ||
| Two video feeds? | ||
| We've got to get some hardcore bandwidth. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're going to get, I guess, two computers or something. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's try it. | ||
| Let's see if we can try it. | ||
| Because otherwise we can at least upload them. | ||
| We can start uploading them to YouTube. | ||
| Yeah, the problem I have with YouTube is that I've always tried to do the live streaming thing. | ||
| And it always never works right. | ||
| It crashes a lot. | ||
| Maybe we can try it. | ||
| We'll try it. | ||
| We'll see what's up. | ||
| I don't know what my internet's like at the new place. | ||
| We won't see until they're putting the bricks on the walls this week. | ||
| I'm making it fancy, folks. | ||
| I'm making it like Billy Joel's Italian Restaurant. | ||
| That's the theme. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bottle red, mmm, bottle white. | |
| Whatever kind of mood you're in tonight. | ||
| Yeah, I just thought that they can get bricks. | ||
| First of all, there's two reasons for putting bricks in the wall. | ||
| The number one reason is to Joey Diaz the room. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got a Joey Diaz proof this cocksucker. | |
| There's a business next door and I don't want Joey screaming through the walls. | ||
| I don't think it would show up. | ||
| So I'm taking significant steps to deaden some of the sound in the room. | ||
| And one of them is to put up a brick wall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, the new place? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, cheaper is just get a big bubble, one of those bubble boy bubbles for Joey Diaz. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just going for it. | |
| They take bricks that they wreck a building and they take bricks and they slice the veneer off the brick and they put that on a regular wall. | ||
| So it adds another wall layer. | ||
| So I figured that would be pretty good to prevent some sound. | ||
| And then I've also got these curtains that are going up that have a sound deadening backing to them. | ||
| I'm putting those up as well. | ||
| Yeah, and it's taking some time, folks, but it's because I'm doing it while I'm doing all these other things at the same time. | ||
| How long do you think if you had the guests here over under? | ||
| This week is going to be the bricks will be done, the desk is done, so I have all the equipment in, so not that bad. | ||
| Once the bricks are up on the wall, and I got the wall painted... | ||
| Before the end of the year? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| I think in December. | ||
| I think my goal is, before we do the End of the World show with Honey Honey and Diaz and Stanhope, that we do a podcast the night before. | ||
| That would be my goal. | ||
| Just to open up the studio that week and do a podcast there the night before. | ||
| But once we have an up and running, it's going to be just... | ||
| I just wanted to get a place that's going to be a place that I can kind of completely control the environment and make it as cool inside as I can. | ||
| Set it up as technologically perfect, technically perfect, a really nice big desk and have it fairly close to where I live. | ||
| This place has really become fucking... | ||
| High-tech. | ||
| Well, no, just the decor, I mean. | ||
| It's like a clubhouse. | ||
| This is inside Brian's brain. | ||
| Yeah, this is. | ||
| If you could open up his brain with a can opener, the Hitler zombie would pop right out. | ||
| I had a crazy-ass dream the other night, man. | ||
| A weird alpha brain dream that I was on. | ||
| What do you got there, fella? | ||
| Zero. | ||
| Your tail? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| This man's almost 40. Look at him. | ||
| Clutching a Coke Zero like he's in prison. | ||
| Are you going trick-or-treating with the fam? | ||
| Oh, yeah, bro. | ||
| That's a cool part of Halloween. | ||
| That I would do. | ||
| We went trick-or-treating in Disneyland. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Did people come through your neighborhood and do it? | ||
| We did it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We're gonna go walk the neighborhood too. | ||
| What day is that? | ||
| The community that I live in has like a little thing. | ||
| They have like a little party. | ||
| They have like a little live DJ and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's kind of fun. | |
| Wednesday is the day that I have to turn off all my lights and not answer my door. | ||
| Why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why is that? | |
| Because it's annoying. | ||
| You just turn off your porch light. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so annoying. | |
| Can you have some candy? | ||
| You're like, no, candy's mine. | ||
| You have to hide. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm flying to Calgary this year on Halloween. | ||
| I got out of it. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| They want to fly there the day before, but it's Halloween. | ||
| I was like, oh, fuck yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Let's do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're working where? | ||
| I can avoid it. | ||
| What's the club in Calgary? | ||
| Yuck Yucks. | ||
| Oh, powerful Yuck Yucks. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, head on out to see Ari motherfucking Shafir. | ||
| You were with me in Calgary, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This year? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was cool. | |
| I'll get a lot of people come from that show. | ||
| That was only 20 minutes. | ||
| It'll be an hour. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I bet you have a lot of new shit anyway. | ||
| You've been working on a lot of shit, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm starting to... | ||
| That's one of the cool things about everybody doing all these shows and putting out CDs like yours and Joey's is that we're constantly putting in new material. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Well, it gives you a good reason to. | ||
| Yeah, I feel very challenged. | ||
| It feels fun. | ||
| I haven't really felt like this since open mics. | ||
| I don't know how it was in Boston, but in LA it was the same people seeing you all the time. | ||
| So really every week you had to have something new or you're an asshole. | ||
| We're getting a lot of these people that are coming to a lot of the shows. | ||
| At least every year. | ||
| There's a crazy little Grateful Dead thing going on. | ||
| For me and Joey in Chicago. | ||
| November 8th, by the way. | ||
| People are flying in. | ||
| People are making meetups and stuff. | ||
| Of course they are. | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| We're going to have to figure out our own Gathering the Juggalos type situation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Duncan wants to do it in the desert, man! | |
| I want to go out with Manson! | ||
| Guys! | ||
| I'm telling you! | ||
| The Palm Springs area! | ||
| We'll get handed so many mushrooms if we do that. | ||
| Let's go to Joshua Tree, man! | ||
| Let's fucking do it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't believe we did that! | |
| Joe, would you ever do this? | ||
| The guy Postapoc. | ||
| I've talked about him before. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| Postapocalyptic? | ||
| Postapoc.com guy. | ||
| What is he? | ||
| He's the one that sent me that package once where I thought it was a bomb or something and it just ended up being a really cool pipe that he made. | ||
| He's always sending me cool things. | ||
| Anyways, he goes to thrift stores and buys old bottles of sodas. | ||
| Here, let me get to the point. | ||
| And he drinks them. | ||
| So this is like a 70-year-old bottle of grape soda. | ||
| Dude, I did... | ||
| I purchased a Coke original. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| It's flat as shit, right? | ||
| Well, it's acid-y and shit like that. | ||
| Is that his artwork in the background? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| That is a badass picture. | ||
| The dude with the gas mask. | ||
| Yeah, his website's really badass. | ||
| By the way, the new Hire Primate gas mask monkey shirt is available. | ||
| And plus pictures of... | ||
| Go to hire-primate.com. | ||
| But he drinks it and he says it tastes like copper almost. | ||
| Okay, well let's let him talk. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Instead of a rubber gasket, it's real cork. | |
| They have a little cork, real corkwood disc inside the bottle cap. | ||
| I thought that was botulism or fungus of some kind when I first opened it. | ||
| Thought we're going to have to end this video early. | ||
| We held this up to the light. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We saw no floaties. | |
| What was he talking about? | ||
| No monsters or little squids or anything. | ||
| Is he talking about himself? | ||
| Him and his personality. | ||
| Him and the camera guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like Roy Jones Jr. Smells strongly like grape Dymatap. | |
| I mean, super strong grape flavor. | ||
| This could be fermented to all hell, and I could pour this down my throat, and you'll see it just burn right through my death squad shirt, right here. | ||
| Are we watching a guy just drinking soda? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but it's from 1947. Alright, it tastes like grape-flavored nasty pond water. | |
| That really wasn't that interesting. | ||
| I just thought it was weird. | ||
| Would you do that? | ||
| I would never do that. | ||
| I drank a bottle of Coke Original. | ||
| I had these three of them saved from when I was little. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What'd it taste like? | ||
| Super flat Coke, super flat Coke, pretty much. | ||
| Just Coke. | ||
| He ends up puking in the video. | ||
| Slightly off, but not much. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Does he really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a silly bitch. | ||
| You're not supposed to drink that. | ||
| Why are you drinking that? | ||
| Well, I don't understand why people would think that it's interesting to drink something gross that's been around for a long time. | ||
| If it could last that long, like a wine, then sure, whatever. | ||
| But if it can't last that long, then what are you doing? | ||
| It's gone rotten. | ||
| That's a weird thing that people do with wines, you know? | ||
| Keep wines around for hundreds of years and then drink them or scotches. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| That sounds like hoarding behavior. | ||
| It's like there's only a few left. | ||
| Just don't. | ||
| You gotta wait. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I do with weeds now. | ||
| I'll have a few different strains of weed, and if it would be good, I'll go through half of it right away. | ||
| And then I'll be like, oh, I only have half of it left. | ||
| So when it gets slower that I use it, and then I only go back to it every couple months, I'm like the last of the Maui Waui. | ||
| Let's just slow it down a little. | ||
| Why would you do that when you just get more? | ||
| I always sort of forget that I can go get more. | ||
| I don't want it to be gone. | ||
| That's a problem living in parts of the country that's not like California. | ||
| The world really would change if the rest of the country was like Colorado and California. | ||
| Those are the two places where you can get weed anywhere. | ||
| Do they not shut down dispensaries in Colorado? | ||
| No. | ||
| Only here. | ||
| Yeah, they shut them down a lot more here. | ||
| I'm sure they have shut down some of them in Colorado. | ||
| We're a lot more on the radar. | ||
| They're on the radar in Colorado, man. | ||
| But it's like people point to us here. | ||
| But it's more accepted, and I think it's more accepted by the people in Colorado than it is the people of L.A. The people of L.A., this is a little bit of a battle. | ||
| In Portland, it was just everywhere. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because they're all fucking nature boys, too, so they all grow shit. | ||
| It's part of their garden. | ||
| Like, yeah, I'll have a weed plant, too. | ||
| Everyone likes their own weed. | ||
| It's smart places. | ||
| In smart places, look, I'm not pro drugs, period, because some drugs are fucking terrible. | ||
| I'm not pro pills. | ||
| I'm not pro meth. | ||
| I'm not pro that. | ||
| But if you're not pro weed, you have to be a fucking idiot. | ||
| If you really think that there's something wrong with it and it's bad for society, you've got to be an idiot. | ||
| Or you're ignorant. | ||
| You don't understand what's really going on with it because it's really... | ||
| What's really going on is not a bad thing. | ||
| It's a humbling thing. | ||
| Everybody could use a little bit of humbling. | ||
| Sure, there's going to be some people that just sit around and smoke pot all day and don't get anything done. | ||
| But that's a psychological problem. | ||
| They have issues. | ||
| That issue could manifest itself that way, or it could manifest itself by them being perpetually late, or they could fucking sabotage themselves. | ||
| People have weird issues. | ||
| So they could sabotage themselves with weed or with anything else they choose to do it with. | ||
| That doesn't mean that it can't be used the right way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Silly bitches. | |
| Do you think people are burnouts because of weed or they're just burnouts and then they just go to weed? | ||
| I think they're burnouts for weed. | ||
| The weed helps it along too. | ||
| Well, anything can help you along if you don't have any resolve. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you don't have any fucking desire to accomplish things in life. | ||
| If you smoke that shit weed. | ||
| It's a little bit of that. | ||
| Yeah, you smoke that fucking weed. | ||
| That's a lot of it. | ||
| That's some good stuff. | ||
| Smoke that chronic dog. | ||
| Some people, it just doesn't mix well, also. | ||
| That's true, too. | ||
| Yeah, there's some people where... | ||
| Look, people get fucking sick if you give them nuts. | ||
| Could not get high. | ||
| Yeah, I heard about that. | ||
| I've heard of that. | ||
| Oh, I told you about it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I heard that works with DMT, too. | ||
| DMT just doesn't work on them. | ||
| Small percentage of people, but every now and then. | ||
| I heard somebody went to a float lab, and she was like, no, it wasn't really any hallucinating. | ||
| It was just like... | ||
| A float lab? | ||
| That's different. | ||
| Not like a floating tank or whatever. | ||
| Yeah, that takes some time. | ||
| The float tank is not like instant hallucinations. | ||
| You've got to really get comfortable with letting go and finding the center of your thoughts. | ||
| That's not easy. | ||
| It's easy to distract yourself. | ||
| So what would you try to do? | ||
| You've got to get strong mentally. | ||
| You have to learn how to meditate. | ||
| When you get into a float tank, it's not as simple as you get in there and you start tripping. | ||
| Because you get in there, you're still thinking, oh my god, I'm floating. | ||
| Oh my god, this feels weird. | ||
| Where's the side? | ||
| It's right here. | ||
| Oh, my balls itch. | ||
| You start thinking a bunch of different things. | ||
| And you have to have control of your mind. | ||
| It's not as simple as you get in the float tank, boom, you have hallucinations. | ||
| You have to get in the float tank and you've got to start that process on your own. | ||
| You have to center yourself. | ||
| You have to concentrate only on your breath. | ||
| Drop everything slowly but surely. | ||
| Remove all the layers of consciousness, all the layers of letting go until you get to the center. | ||
| And that's when you start having these crazy visionary experiences. | ||
| That's kind of like the same thing on mushrooms. | ||
| It's like when you're talking to your friends and laughing and stuff. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| You don't listen to it. | ||
| And then you just stop and like... | ||
| Look up at the stars and just don't talk or listen to anyone. | ||
| That's when you start seeing shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This guy just was telling me the other day about the same thing. | ||
| He went and he was more of just like, all right, I'm just bored. | ||
| I'm just laying here. | ||
| This is really stupid. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you don't know how to use it, it's like anything else. | ||
| You have to learn how to relax. | ||
| Centering your thoughts and trying to get rid of all of them. | ||
| The idea behind the sensory deprivation tank is that there's no input coming in. | ||
| And when there's no input coming in, you can just sit there and go, Oh, this sucks. | ||
| I'm bored. | ||
| Or you can just slowly let go of all your consciousness to the point where you are just... | ||
| Your mind untethered from culture, from any interactive experience with nature, with gravity, with... | ||
| Seeing things or hearing things or touching things, you're removed from all sensory input. | ||
| And when you do that, you can have very clear and intense thoughts. | ||
| And you can also have some pretty powerful hallucinations if you allow yourself to manifest those ideas. | ||
| But you have to learn how to let go to do that. | ||
| You can't just get in there. | ||
| It doesn't just happen right away. | ||
| You start thinking about your life, you start thinking about things that you can't avoid, you start thinking about things that have been bothering you, maybe things you don't like about yourself. | ||
| Wouldn't we make your mind wander more? | ||
| No, not necessarily. | ||
| It depends on what's going on in your head, but for the most part, the weed just sort of accentuates the experience. | ||
| I've done a small version of this on planes recently, where I've just taken some pot cookie or something, if it's going to be a long flight, and just say, you know, I'm not getting anything done here, but I'm not tired. | ||
| It's when I've slept, and it's like a 2 p.m. | ||
| flight or something. | ||
| Then I just look out the window, and I just stare out the window, and I just let my mind just go the entire time. | ||
| Yeah, that's the only way I really get blasted these days is on planes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the scenery enough from the outside can help you just start a synapse going a little bit. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Also, it's like the only time I don't have any responsibilities. | ||
| I don't have to take care of my kids. | ||
| I don't have to be sober. | ||
| There's no Wi-Fi. | ||
| It's even better. | ||
| It's like I can't do anything. | ||
| It's a great way to write, too. | ||
| Ten minutes. | ||
| I'll leave a notebook on my lap. | ||
| If I get a thought that I'm like, Oh, that could work. | ||
| Then I quickly write it down. | ||
| I type so much better than I write. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I hardly write anything anymore, and I can type pretty quick. | ||
| I type really quick now, so I have to type. | ||
| But I like it, man. | ||
| I really love writing on planes. | ||
| It's one of my favorite things. | ||
| I write some of my best shit ever on planes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| High as fuck. | ||
| I really start flying later now so I can do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it is a good place to just get away from everything and like... | ||
| Get things done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, when you're sitting in that seat, you got nowhere to go and you got that laptop open. | ||
| You can get to work. | ||
| I slept till noon. | ||
| I'm not, you know, cranked. | ||
| And then it's just like, now it's, yeah. | ||
| Do you feel now that you're having all the success and things are going well, you feel like even more motivated? | ||
| Like you're like fucking really hustling now and really putting in the work? | ||
| Yeah, doing more stuff. | ||
| Doing more. | ||
| Isn't it funny how motion begets more motion? | ||
| Yeah, people are a force of habit. | ||
| I think that's what it is. | ||
| And when people that work out all the time, it's just like that's your habit. | ||
| And when people don't all the time, then that's your habit. | ||
| Yeah, that's one thing that people have kept telling me over and over again from this podcast. | ||
| One of the things they pulled from it is that it's changed the way they sort of address and approach things. | ||
| And people, you know, sometimes people just need to hear something. | ||
| And that's like one of the reasons why I love that book, The War of Art. | ||
| I probably understand and have thought most of the things in that book on my own independently. | ||
| I think a lot of creative people are. | ||
| You can't piece it together. | ||
| It's not that you can't piece it together. | ||
| Sometimes you need to read it again. | ||
| You need to see it again. | ||
| You need to be reminded again. | ||
| Well, it's clearer when it's written out or when you can actually see it. | ||
| Or when it's spelled out or when someone says it in a way that resonates with how you feel about the world. | ||
| And I think that's one way that we can all help each other in a way that no one of past generations was able to do. | ||
| One of the different things about this sort of a medium, like a podcast medium. | ||
| Quick contact with everyone in the world. | ||
| Quick contact with everyone in the world and you can express things in a way that you really couldn't do if you were sponsored by Palmolive or fucking Toyota trucks. | ||
| You know, it's like you would have never gotten all this information out as clearly as we're doing it right now. | ||
| Yeah, just saying it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Strange times, Ari Shafir. | ||
| Powerful Ari Shafir of the Skeptic Tank on iTunes, you dirty, dirty bitches. | ||
| Check out Ari's podcast and buy his fucking CD. I had Mike Young last time. | ||
| Oh, how dare you. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| He just talks about how he's able to fucking, well, to fuck so much. | ||
| And how he's always had that power. | ||
| Well, he's a smooth talker. | ||
| Dude, he's amazing. | ||
| Smooth operator. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smooth operator. | |
| Yeah, check out my website, aurethegreat.com. | ||
| Please. | ||
| My dates are on there. | ||
| Please check out my website. | ||
| Please check out my website. | ||
| I'll be in Chicago and New York. | ||
| Say love me and I'll love you back. | ||
| And love me and I'll love you back in Edmonton. | ||
| And you just got done doing a fucking return homecoming gig in the place where you started and you came back as a conquering hero. | ||
| I felt good, dude. | ||
| I bet it did. | ||
| You know how it's like at any level, no matter where you are, there's certain shows that are just important to you. | ||
| And it might not be because of money or anything. | ||
| You wanted to let everybody know. | ||
| That's where you started. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a bunch of friends from high school came out. | ||
| It was kind of cool. | ||
| My aunt came. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| It was just like, and people were like, oh, it's like way different than last time. | ||
| I was like, yeah, I wrote a new hour. | ||
| You're fucking professional now. | ||
| Yeah, it felt right now. | ||
| You're a real professional. | ||
| You're legit. | ||
| Too legit to quit. | ||
| Hey, hey. | ||
| Okay, this weekend, you fucking freaks. | ||
| San Francisco at the Knob Hill Masonic Center. | ||
| That is November the 2nd. | ||
| On Friday. | ||
| And then Saturday night, the Moore Theater in Seattle. | ||
| And that shit is sold out. | ||
| Both nights will be Brian Redband and Greg motherfucking Fitzsimmons with me. | ||
| So we're going to have some fun. | ||
| San Francisco and Seattle, you dirty bitches. | ||
| Tomorrow, the great Duncan Trussell will join us on the podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| Holla at your boy. | ||
| And we will also have a podcast on Wednesday. | ||
| I'm not sure who it's going to be. | ||
| We're working on a couple different guests. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's... | |
| What? | ||
| If you go to my website, if you're poor, I'm giving away four free tracks of my CD. Ooh, look at that. | ||
| Free shit from Ari. | ||
| Of course it is. | ||
| That was why I was number one on iTunes. | ||
| Thank you all. | ||
| Validation. | ||
| Thank you all very much. | ||
| Buy it again. | ||
| Let's see if we can bring that shit back to number one again. | ||
| I think we can do it. | ||
| Back to number one. | ||
| I'm going to go buy one as soon as I get off the phone. | ||
| I'm not on the phone. | ||
| I'm an artist. | ||
| What the fuck am I talking about? | ||
| This podcast is brought to you by Ting.com. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com and you will save $50 off of any Android device that they have. | ||
| And they have regular cell phones too if you're one of those fucking weirdos who just wants to not be able to get on the internet on your phone. | ||
| Like, I'm old school. | ||
| Fuckhead. | ||
| Check out Ting, a very reasonable and excellent cell phone provider. | ||
| They don't cause contracts. | ||
| They don't require contracts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that you? | |
| It's all spelled out. | ||
| I didn't make the ding, you son of a bitch. | ||
| I swear to God I did not do that. | ||
| That's the FBI telling us our time is up. | ||
| Maybe it's Ustream. | ||
| It was the Ting. | ||
| That's the Ting. | ||
| What the fuck was that? | ||
| No, we're still online. | ||
| Oh, that's you. | ||
| You son of a gun! | ||
| I wanted to see you guys fight for a while. | ||
| I wasn't trying to fool either one of you, but I'm like, ooh, I actually got a joke going. | ||
| Go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, use the code name ROGAN, and save yourself 10% off any supplements. | ||
| That includes Hemp Force, the delicious hemp protein powder with maca. | ||
| And raw cocoa. | ||
| It's fucking delicious. | ||
| With Stevie, only one gram of sugar per serving. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| We don't even add that. | ||
| It's just what's in the hemp and all the juicy good shit that we put in it. | ||
| All right. | ||
| That's the end of the podcast. | ||
| Thank you very much for tuning in. | ||
| Thanks for all the positive tweets. | ||
| Thanks for all the love. | ||
| Thank you for everybody who's coming to my shows. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Thank anybody who comes to all of our shows. | ||
| We appreciate the fuck out of you guys. | ||
| DeskWad Ohio. | ||
| DeskWad rolls on, bitches. | ||
| Oh, Death Squad Ohio is November 11th is sold out, right? | ||
| No, it's 8th, 9th, and 10th, and only the 8 o'clock Columbus show is sold out. | ||
| Okay, so which one, what date is sold out? | ||
| Columbus first show, I believe, is the one. | ||
| And what date is that, though? | ||
| I think that's the 10th. | ||
| The 10th, okay. | ||
| So the 8th and 9th is still open. | ||
| So 8th and 9th. | ||
| And go to deathsquad.tv and you can also pick up some super sexy kitty cat t-shirts. | ||
| It's two Columbus shows, one Dayton, one Cincinnati. | ||
| And by the way, Tom Segura is going. | ||
| And if you haven't seen Tom, he is fucking on fire right now too. | ||
| He's one of the best in the country. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| And Tony Hinchcliffe as well? | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe is going to be on a couple, and so is Doug Benson. | ||
| An excellent show, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| An excellent show. | ||
| And also, if you go to deskwad.tv, you can pick up some of Brian's funky, psychedelic kitty cats. | ||
| And no, that's not a Wendy sign. | ||
| The fuck are you talking about? | ||
| They changed their logo the other day. | ||
| Yeah, good. | ||
| They better. | ||
| Dirty bitches. | ||
| Step. | ||
| Powerful white castles in the house as well. | ||
| Shout out to White Castle. | ||
| Give it up for black people in general. | ||
| I have given up on the Olive Garden. | ||
| They do not want me to support them, but White Castle has been supporting me by giving me t-shirts. | ||
| I think that, believe it or not, the Olive Garden is too white for Brian Redman. | ||
| They're too white. | ||
| White Castle's cool, though. | ||
| We'll be back tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| But it's over with the Olive Garden. | ||
| We love the fucking shit out of you people. | ||
| We'll see you soon. | ||
| We're not going anywhere. | ||
| We're gonna roll on. | ||
| We're taking it to the next level. | ||
| I don't even know what I'm saying. | ||
| It's the best ending I've ever heard. |
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