Aug. 14, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:49:28
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hi, everybody. | ||
| All 562 people. | ||
| Is this thing on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think I need to turn it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Turn on your hot light. | |
| I don't know where it is, Brian. | ||
| It's definitely not the ones on the very left. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The two on the left does all of them. | |
| Is it over here? | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's glorious. | |
| Oh, the volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you get your ears cleaned out yet? | |
| No, I did not. | ||
| I did not. | ||
| I do want to, and I do believe you. | ||
| I'm gonna do it, I promise. | ||
| I'm gonna try it myself. | ||
| I'm gonna order some shit online. | ||
| I found some rhino bottle, and there's an elephant one and a rhino one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard about that, yeah. | |
| Yeah, and apparently you could do it. | ||
| It's exactly the same as the people do in the office. | ||
| I don't know, because it's a squeeze bottle, like a spray bottle that you spray a cat with or something like that, and this is like a high-powered water pick in your ear. | ||
| Maybe you're right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But you could buy that. | |
| Like, I told her, I'm like, Can I buy that? | ||
| She's like, no, it's professional use only. | ||
| And I'm thinking, yeah, but that means I can still buy it. | ||
| You can buy it online. | ||
| It's a fucking wild world out there, folks. | ||
| Apparently, well, let's talk about this in the podcast because I do want to bring up this new thing that's been going on where people are selling illegal drugs over the internet and getting away with it somehow or another. | ||
| Have you heard of this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Changing a module? | |
| No, no, no, not even that. | ||
| Alright, we'll get into that. | ||
| But before we get into anything, we have commercials. | ||
| We have a very fucking flawed model, ladies and gentlemen, of how we handle these things. | ||
| We don't operate in a very professional manner. | ||
| And I don't know if it's good or bad, but at least you know what the fuck is up. | ||
| There's no producers behind the scenes directing Brian and I to be better at this. | ||
| So, it's not happening. | ||
| Onnit.com is our sponsor. | ||
| That's our number one only real fucking serious sponsor. | ||
| Occasionally we have other sponsors. | ||
| But Onnit is the number one thing right now. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. What is Onnit? | ||
| It is a company that the whole mission of the company is to bring you the best supplements, the best fitness equipment, the best choices for a healthy lifestyle. | ||
| And what alpha brain is, it's nootropics, and what they are is vitamins that have been shown to have a positive effect on cognitive function, to have a positive effect on how your brain operates. | ||
| I take them every day. | ||
| I swear by them, as do I swear by Shroom Tech Sport, which is a fucking phenomenal supplement. | ||
| We've got to give Jamie Kilstein some before he goes and rolls. | ||
| This fucking stuff is tremendous. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's based on the cordyceps mushroom, which has been shown to accentuate your body's ability to process oxygen. | ||
| I'm not sure how it works, but it was discovered apparently by high-altitude herders who, their animals, they noticed after eating these mushrooms. | ||
| Would have more pep to them. | ||
| And apparently it's grown off of a fucking caterpillar. | ||
| It's very complicated. | ||
| But there's, you know, like what people are able to do today, like harvesting live organisms like acidophilus and different mushrooms and things like that. | ||
| It's really kind of fascinating. | ||
| But the way they have to do this cordyceps mushroom is particularly difficult. | ||
| But very worth it for athletes. | ||
| And it's not something that's illegal either. | ||
| It's not something where you're going to piss hot if you want to win the Olympics. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| So I don't have to worry about it. | ||
| Destiny hooker. | ||
| They're not like steroids or anything. | ||
| But it is very effective, as is this new hemp force protein that we just got. | ||
| This is the highest quality plant-based protein you can buy. | ||
| And we have to get it from Canada, unfortunately, because we have a retarded government! | ||
| And our retarded government, believe it or not, even though it's legal in Vermont, and I believe in two other states, but most certainly Vermont. | ||
| They were the pioneers. | ||
| They made it legal to grow hemp in the state of Vermont. | ||
| Well, why is that? | ||
| Because hemp is not psychoactive. | ||
| You can't get high from it. | ||
| You will not test positive for THC. Did you know that if you eat poppy seed bagels, that you can test positive for heroin? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's how crazy this world is. | ||
| That does not happen with hemp. | ||
| If you eat the hemp fiber, you do not get any THC in your system. | ||
| So you're not going to test positive for marijuana. | ||
| But it is a really easily digestible form of protein. | ||
| And the stuff that we got is hemp hearts. | ||
| It is the highest quality stuff available. | ||
| It's not cheap. | ||
| It's expensive. | ||
| It's hard to get. | ||
| And the reason why is because our government is filled with cunts. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| But it is a really effective plant-based product. | ||
| Protein, and it also has maca in it, and it also has raw cocoa. | ||
| It's really delicious, too, because there's only one gram of sugar per serving, and it is sweetened by stevia instead. | ||
| And stevia is a really, really potent natural sweetener. | ||
| It's kind of a different flavor. | ||
| And to have the stevia mixed with the raw cocoa and the hemp, it's fucking delicious. | ||
| It is my all-time favorite tasting protein powder. | ||
| This shit is Fucking phenomenal. | ||
| I don't have to fight myself to keep myself from drinking three of these a day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Because I've run through my equipment, son! | ||
| We also have, anyway, we have a money-back guarantee when you're ordering supplements. | ||
| If you order Alpha Brain or Shroom Tech Sport or Shroom Tech Immune, the first 30 pills is 100% money-back guarantee. | ||
| You don't even have to send back the product. | ||
| We don't want anybody to feel ripped off. | ||
| We're only selling you the best shit available. | ||
| We're only selling you shit that has been proven in some studies to have some effect. | ||
| On human behavior, human body, the human athletic function. | ||
| Everything that we have is shit that we believe in 100%. | ||
| And nobody wants anybody to feel ripped off. | ||
| So we're selling you great shit, the best shit that we can get our hands on. | ||
| We also have kettlebells and battle ropes available. | ||
| If you've never done those, they're fucking tremendous real man type exercises. | ||
| Battle ropes are goddamn brutal. | ||
| You would never think throwing some ropes would be so fucking hard, man. | ||
| But I'd get out there and wail on those motherfuckers for 30 seconds, and then take 20 seconds off and wail on them for 30 seconds. | ||
| Holy shit, is that a workout? | ||
| This is, I think, all you need if you want to get in shape. | ||
| There's a lot of people that join exercise gyms, and you wind up doing Stairmasters, and you wind up doing leg extensions, and all this crazy shit you do on machines. | ||
| This is all you need for fitness, okay? | ||
| Bodyweight squats are fucking fantastic, okay? | ||
| That's one. | ||
| Bodyweight squats, chin-ups. | ||
| Do a lot of chin-ups. | ||
| How many chin-ups can you really fucking do? | ||
| Go after it. | ||
| Yeah, all the way down. | ||
| Go after it, okay? | ||
| Just that alone will make you ridiculously strong. | ||
| Doing a fuckload of chin-ups, okay? | ||
| It's a natural bodyweight movement. | ||
| And kettlebells. | ||
| And what's great about kettlebells is They're these cannonballs with handles on them. | ||
| And they're fucking awkward as shit. | ||
| And you're swinging them around, and you're forcing your body to control and balance this giant-ass cannonball. | ||
| And when you do that, whether you're doing them... | ||
| Sometimes I do them with two hands. | ||
| I have certain exercises that I do with two hands that are fucking brutal. | ||
| I'll take two 70-pounders and do this just ridiculous assault on your body. | ||
| And you can't do it for more than 30 or 40 seconds. | ||
| I do these 40-second reps with it. | ||
| What it is, it's cleans, press, squat. | ||
| And then I swing it down. | ||
| Cleans, press, squat. | ||
| And I do the whole thing in a series. | ||
| And I do this series like I try to do 20 reps. | ||
| And when I get to 20 reps, it's It's death! | ||
| It's fucking death! | ||
| You're swinging 140 pounds, pressing it up, holding it on each hand. | ||
| I mean, it has made me substantially stronger, really increased my jiu-jitsu game, made positions stronger, I have better balance, I have more... | ||
| I have more control. | ||
| I have more sovereignty over my balance. | ||
| I can move my body more the way I want to. | ||
| The grip. | ||
| Yeah, and that's what I... The grip is tremendous, too, because they're heavy as shit, and you're holding onto this fat iron handle. | ||
| These kettlebells are as cheap as we can sell them. | ||
| They're the highest quality available. | ||
| They're Troy kettlebells, and if you fucking buy these things, they will last till past the apocalypse. | ||
| They will last... | ||
| When the ice caps melt, And this whole thing is covered in water. | ||
| They will find these fucking kettlebells at the bottom of the ocean and try to figure out what the hell they were all about. | ||
| Fuck your leg extensions. | ||
| Yeah, you don't need leg extensions, son. | ||
| Do some bodyweight squats. | ||
| Or, by the way, do some one-armed pistols while holding a fucking 35-pound kettlebell. | ||
| Let me see if you can do that. | ||
| Do some one-legged squats while holding a 35-pound kettlebell. | ||
| How many of those can you do, bitch? | ||
| That shit is hard, okay? | ||
| Tremendous exercise as far as its ability to translate into athletics, and that's what I think is very important, for me at least. | ||
| There's a lot of exercises that make you look a little bit better, but your body's not moving in a natural way. | ||
| You're isolating things, and when you do that, you can actually throw off the whole balance of how your body communicates, and now it's weight. | ||
| That's why dudes with meatball bodies, meatballs on a toothpick, really big upper body and little skinny legs, those guys aren't athletes. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| You can't move like that, stupid. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, that's the end of this goddamn commercial. | ||
| Alrighty! | ||
| Cue the music. | ||
| Use the codes named Rogan. | ||
| Codes? | ||
| Use... | ||
| I need a producer. | ||
| Use the code named Rogan and you get 10% off. | ||
| Alright, you dirty bitches? | ||
| All supplements. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And that's it. | |
| Jamie Kilstein is here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| What happened there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Is this your new fade? | ||
| I do it a little different. | ||
| Your new fade is a non-fade. | ||
| You just fucking kill it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You gotta give up on just trying to outdo yourself, man. | ||
| There's certain things in life you gotta accept. | ||
| You gotta accept that you can't make that song any better than it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm mixing it up. | |
| Okay, alright. | ||
| Can I say something about your sponsors real quick? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| If the government were ever to investigate you, your sponsors are evidence that you are trying to start an army. | ||
| For, like, when shit goes down. | ||
| He's like, yeah, like, I've never heard a show, like, I'm used to, like, I remember, like, the old, like, the fleshlights or people advertising condoms or fucking Bud Light, but it's like, you need these to make you strong for when you know what happens. | ||
| For when the shit goes down and you gotta choke some fucking soldiers. | ||
| Damn, fucking kettlebells. | ||
| I've never heard a show sponsored by fucking kettlebells. | ||
| Well, I want to be sponsored by shit I believe in, man. | ||
| Which is, you know, also why we have these Alienware computers. | ||
| Alienware, we support them because they support MMA fighters. | ||
| They're always sponsoring fighters. | ||
| Every UFC show I go to, I see dudes with that Alienware logo on. | ||
| And I love that. | ||
| I love that Dell has the balls. | ||
| To step up and sponsor a very controversial, but a very noble sport. | ||
| And so I appreciate that. | ||
| So we use Alienware because of that. | ||
| So I try to keep this show as, you know, you're never going to see Brian and I advertise something that we don't believe in. | ||
| Something that sucks. | ||
| Like this, like even this Alienware thing. | ||
| I would say that if you're like a regular dude and you don't game, this is crazy. | ||
| This thing is a fucking brick. | ||
| Look at the size of this goddamn thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's really huge. | |
| But if you wanted a game on it, this is the shit. | ||
| I mean, this thing is just like, you could play high resolution, like really dope high frame. | ||
| 3D. Oh yeah, you can play 3D. It's like pretty much having the best Xbox, PlayStation 3 and everything in a laptop. | ||
| But if you're not a gamer, then... | ||
| It's overkill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's super overkill. | |
| They weigh like 80 pounds. | ||
| Also, hypothetically, when you're done kettlebelling, it's really good for, like, hacking into the CIA. I don't know if it goes down. | ||
| And tracing their steps so you can always be one step ahead of them. | ||
| You need some powerful CPU and some hacker skills, and you need to be able to run Linux, okay? | ||
| Which we are also sponsored by. | ||
| We're sponsored by Linux. | ||
| We're sponsored by open source. | ||
| Listen, I believe in open source, 100%. | ||
| I believe in Unix and Linux and all that stuff, but I think that... | ||
| Ultimately, people want a little bit better of a user experience. | ||
| They want to be able to go and buy everything. | ||
| You don't want something where you've got to use Mike's browser. | ||
| You're like, what is this Mike's browser? | ||
| You see some of the browsers that people use? | ||
| Right now, dorks are going crazy. | ||
| You don't know what you're talking about, Rogan! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Unix has a wide variety of browsers that are available! | |
| I code my own! | ||
| All the heat is off me now. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Dude, people have gotten angry at Brian, and here's one of my favorite fucking arguments. | ||
| A dude was angry at Brian because we were talking about Android phones, and I always look at Android phones, and I look at him and I'm like, ooh, that's a fucking big screen. | ||
| That looks so pretty. | ||
| And Brian was like, yeah, they're still clunky. | ||
| They're kind of funky. | ||
| Some guy argued, you don't even know what you're talking about. | ||
| Maybe the regular user interface is clunky, but I've hacked into my droid, and I've used a different, whatever the fuck they call it, I've rooted it, and used a different OS. They hacked the operating system, changed the way it looks, and they go, see? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have to admit something. | |
| This girl I know just got the Samsung Galaxy S3. That's the shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, and I started playing with it. | |
| And it's not the design is the shit. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Like how it's big and flat. | ||
| I just want to have my Apple on it, though. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I started using the operating system. | ||
| It was kind of cool. | ||
| There was a lot of cool little fun features. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like to take a screenshot, you just wipe your whole hand across the screen. | |
| I was like, that's kind of cool. | ||
| You know, things like that. | ||
| But then, I'm like, I forget what... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it was Facebook. | |
| I started using Facebook. | ||
| Let me try your Facebook app. | ||
| And then it froze. | ||
| And I was like, ah, fuck this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright, so let's go to the camera app. | |
| So then I'm taking the camera app. | ||
| I'm trying to take the camera, and it's lagging behind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just like, fuck this shit. | |
| And I was like, there it is, right there. | ||
| It's supposed to be a really good camera. | ||
| It's one of the things that's been praised for. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe she needed to reboot it. | |
| But still, the design of it, I was so fucking jealous about. | ||
| I need it. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to... | |
| For a browser. | ||
| That's what I'm looking at it for. | ||
| I like to get online if I'm at an airport or something like that and look at things real quick. | ||
| Go to MMA.tv or Mixed Martial Arts.com or something like that. | ||
| You can't see shit on an iPhone. | ||
| It's tiny. | ||
| You've got to scroll, stretch it out and shrink it up. | ||
| If you want to really see a picture, yeah. | ||
| But on these galaxies, first of all, the thing is the 4G is just fucking better. | ||
| It's just better. | ||
| The iPhone wants to get silly. | ||
| And say that we're almost like 4G if you have AT&T. It's pretty fucking fast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's pretty fast. | |
| I don't have AT&T though. | ||
| I have Verizon. | ||
| So it's like I'm using old shit. | ||
| I have a card in my laptop that's a 4G card. | ||
| It's fucking dope, man. | ||
| It loads things up like that. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| You can watch YouTube videos with no lag. | ||
| You start them up and they play, no problem. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| But it just makes me realize how stupid the internet is on my phone. | ||
| That's one of the big reasons. | ||
| You just gotta hack into a better internet, bro. | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| You gotta fucking learn how to get in your kernel. | ||
| They don't say bro. | ||
| That was two characters. | ||
| They might if they're growing up. | ||
| They're growing past their current stage of nerddom. | ||
| They're experimenting with new words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's sun. | |
| Listen, bro. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Hacking the system, bro. | ||
| Hacking the system, bro. | ||
| You can make your iPhone 4G. Don't be a bitch. | ||
| What's really crazy is the Apple TVs. | ||
| There's a new version of Apple TV that's now 1080p, but the one before it, the 720p, you could hack into. | ||
| And they have this great thing where you just sit there and have every single movie that's in the theaters right now. | ||
| It's just like, imagine Apple TV, but if it's every single movie possible. | ||
| You can sit there and watch DirecTV, you can watch UFC, you can pretty much watch everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| And it's pretty badass. | ||
| They had it at this barber shop in Atlanta when we were in Atlanta last. | ||
| And I was just like, what is this? | ||
| And they go, oh, it's Apple TV. So now if you go on eBay or if you go on Amazon.com and you look at Apple TV, like the new version is like $99 and the old version is like $300 because they're so in... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because of that hack. | |
| Dude, wait till you come back to my place. | ||
| I've been cleaning up my office, and I found a fucking... | ||
| An Apple camera? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Come back when Apple made cameras? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I remember when you bought it. | |
| I was jealous of that camera. | ||
| I was like, every time I would come to your house, I'm like, are you going to use that? | ||
| Because I wanted to get one, and then they stopped selling it like the week after you bought it. | ||
| We should use it and take... | ||
| Well, we're going to develop a website for this fucking show, finally. | ||
| After two years of doing it, I figured it should be its own website. | ||
| And one of the things we could do is take photos with that shit camera. | ||
| Yeah, it's shitty. | ||
| It's really shitty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's terrible. | |
| But it would be interesting to show people what helped that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't open that shit. | |
| You have it in the box, brand new. | ||
| No, I don't have it in the box. | ||
| Maybe I did, but not anymore. | ||
| The box is gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That shit was awesome. | |
| They need to go back to making those. | ||
| I like these cameras that are in the IMAX. Nobody wants a camera anymore though. | ||
| Everybody wants a camera on your phone. | ||
| You don't want a camera anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but like Skyping and all that shit. | |
| So pop. | ||
| FaceTiming on your... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I use video all the time on my laptop. | |
| How would I want a fucking camera that can't call anybody? | ||
| Stupid ass camera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When you're at home, don't you ever FaceTime or video chat with your family? | |
| In the house? | ||
| When you're in a hotel room. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, there you go. | |
| But I'm saying that's a phone I'm doing that with. | ||
| Or I'm doing that with the laptop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I'm saying. | |
| Yeah, but it's not like a camera. | ||
| I'm saying an individual camera on its own can go suck its dick. | ||
| Oh, right, right. | ||
| Individual cameras are stupid. | ||
| I don't need you anymore. | ||
| I walk by the aisle in Best Buy where they have little cameras, those little tiny cameras. | ||
| I'm like, what are you doing with this? | ||
| What the fuck are you wasting time for? | ||
| Do you not have a camera on your phone yet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All that shit. | |
| No, I mean the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but that camera on the phone is still not as good as like... | |
| Not quite, but we're going to force it. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I mean, like journalists and stuff, when we were covering Occupy, like if someone stole my phone, I look like a fucking crazy person because the only pictures I have in my phone are cops beating the shit out of protesters. | ||
| And then you flip it and it's like, oh, there's my Hitler cat and like my fat cat. | ||
| And it's like my cat's holding... | ||
| And then you turn it, and it's just like a fucking bloody kid, like, screaming for help. | ||
| And then you turn it, and it's like, oh, a penny's in a box! | ||
| Like, that's it. | ||
| It's fucking my cats and police brutality is my phone. | ||
| Yeah, mine is half of them is Joey Diaz smoking joints. | ||
| That's half the photos of my fucking... | ||
| Sounds like the equivalent of my cat photos, right? | ||
| It's my kids and Joey Diaz smoking weed. | ||
| That's half my photos. | ||
| I gotta release those. | ||
| They're very important. | ||
| But I mean, a lot of those photos that kids were taking at Occupy were making it to mainstream publications just from iPhone. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's pretty fucking solid. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's amazing, the video. | ||
| I mean, some of the best leaked video of Occupy came off of phones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And it was uploaded instantly, which is just so fucking badass. | ||
| What a weird world we live in. | ||
| Yeah, they don't like that. | ||
| But nobody likes it. | ||
| Have you seen this new video of these cops in LA beating the shit out of a homeless guy? | ||
| I mean, just fucking with him, and then he tries to get away, and they beat the shit out of him with clubs and kicked him. | ||
| So do you think police brutality has gotten worse, or we're just seeing it more? | ||
| We've seen it more. | ||
| I think it's gotten better. | ||
| I think it's gotten better. | ||
| I think it was way worse before they were accountable. | ||
| I think now we're seeing it, and they realize, like, do you know how much that UC Davis cuntbag guy who sprayed pepper in those little children's faces, that piece of shit, do you know how bad he must have felt after that was over? | ||
| What the impact it must have been on his face? | ||
| His health? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Almost as bad as being fucking pepper sprayed. | ||
| Worse. | ||
| It's all these people responding coming back. | ||
| It's worse than being pepper sprayed. | ||
| Did you see the way they protested the dean? | ||
| It was like the creepiest, the silent protest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was beautiful. | |
| It was beautiful. | ||
| It was perfect. | ||
| Nobody fucked up. | ||
| Nobody yelled. | ||
| Explain what they did. | ||
| Yeah, so what happened was the dean, who was the one who called the police in, On these protesters who were peaceful protesters. | ||
| They weren't doing anything. | ||
| They were just like making a line and, you know, doing that whole constitution. | ||
| It was over money, right? | ||
| It was over the schools. | ||
| It was crazy budget cuts. | ||
| Like a lot of the schools in California especially are, you know, we don't have time for school because we're not going to tax billionaires, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Which, by the way, anyone listening to the show That's like, I'm a small business owner. | ||
| I'm the 1%. | ||
| You're not the fucking 1%. | ||
| Unless you're a fucking billionaire senator. | ||
| Yeah, somebody tried to tell me that I was a 1%er. | ||
| And I was like, come on, dude. | ||
| You don't even know what that means. | ||
| You can't say 1%. | ||
| That's silly. | ||
| 1%, it's so rare. | ||
| Those are really rich. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they got their money by making you really poor. | ||
| And so, yeah, so the dean was expecting this huge protest because, like, thousands of people showed up. | ||
| And what ended up happening when she was leaving, it was like dusk, and there were thousands of people, but instead, you know, screaming and chanting or whatever, fucking throwing glitter on her, they were silent. | ||
| It was this parking lot of, like, Thousands of just silent people and she just had to walk to her car in fucking shame. | ||
| Like with her head down and just... | ||
| You have thousands of eyes on you and no one's saying anything. | ||
| And you know all those eyes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brian, pull it up. | |
| Pull it up because it's so creepy. | ||
| It's so creepy to watch and listen to. | ||
| Yeah, this is a better setup than my house. | ||
| What should I do? | ||
| UC Davis. | ||
| What was her official position? | ||
| I think if you just put like silent... | ||
| Silent protests? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Was she the president of UC Davis? | ||
| Something. | ||
| Well, I want to say counselor. | ||
| You mean my description of silence doesn't convey it? | ||
| No, I'm 45 years old. | ||
| I don't know what chancellor means. | ||
| I don't know what that means. | ||
| I don't know the difference between chancellor and dean. | ||
| Dean, I think you're the mean guy in a movie who eventually taught a lesson. | ||
| Yeah, you're the guy that the frat gets back at. | ||
| Yeah, David Spade is your assistant. | ||
| Or a David Spade-esque character. | ||
| Well, it's so sad that at one point in time, that was an original movie. | ||
| You know, Animal House. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, this is it. | ||
| So she steps outside with two other people and there are thousands of kids. | ||
| Thousands. | ||
| And all you hear is her walking and she's surrounded by thousands of kids on their knees. | ||
| Thousands. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Candles. | |
| Wouldn't it be crazy if they went... | ||
| And just fucking charged her all together at once? | ||
| That would be just as fucked up. | ||
| That's the end of the world. | ||
| That would be a more popular movie. | ||
| Yeah, that's Day of the Dead. | ||
| That's what starts the zombie apocalypse. | ||
| And they're still walking, folks. | ||
| While she's walking, there are thousands of kids to the left and the right. | ||
| And I don't know how good the sound is, but I mean, there are times where you can hear her shoes. | ||
| I mean, there are times where you hear sighs, like, it's... | ||
| Yeah, the shoes of, like, the photographer is chasing her. | ||
| You could hear her nose whistle. | ||
| Guess what, folks? | ||
| If you can force 2,000 people to be on their knees and be quiet like that, they really believe what the fuck they're doing there for. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| It's like in The Simpsons where Lisa breaks up with Ralph and they go, if you rewind it, you can actually hear where his heart breaks. | ||
| And they do it in slow motion. | ||
| That's the saddest sound. | ||
| That's some right versus wrong shit right there in pretty clear form. | ||
| So here's a question I have for you. | ||
| I think you'd be a good person to ask about police brutality. | ||
| There's part of me that thinks... | ||
| People really loved the idea of tasers and even weapons they use at protests like rubber bullets and stuff like that. | ||
| And even though now it's come out that many people have died, many times the people who have been tasered have been the elderly, mentally handicapped, people who really did not Innocent people, children, people who do not necessarily need to be... | ||
| Weren't really a threat, right? | ||
| I mean, there was literally a story recently. | ||
| We talked about it on the show, but I'm forgetting the details. | ||
| But, like, a kid was just, like, getting suspended or whatever. | ||
| And a cop was standing there. | ||
| And, like, she tried to run or something. | ||
| And, like, fucking taser. | ||
| Like, children. | ||
| Yeah, it was a young kid, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So my question is... | ||
| And I think I have my answer on what I think. | ||
| Is that part of me thinks that, like... | ||
| And I'm not, like... | ||
| Going after all the police. | ||
| Like, I don't want fucking tweets about, like, your dad being a good cop. | ||
| I'm just saying, like, the people who have, like, tasered... | ||
| Preemptive apologies. | ||
| Yeah, the people who have tasered children. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's start there. | ||
| Part of me is just, like, what happened to... | ||
| I get it if they're, like, an actual threat. | ||
| Then the taser's better than, like, shooting a guy to death, right? | ||
| But if you're not a threat, if you're unarmed, if you're just being, like, difficult, like, what happened to, like... | ||
| Cops having to fucking subdue these people. | ||
| Like, why are all these, like, MMA guys doing, like, fucking jujitsu seminars for law enforcement if people have just started fucking taser? | ||
| Like, that wasn't the point of the taser. | ||
| The taser was supposed to be before deadly threats, so they're not proposing enough of a threat where you have to use, I'm sorry, deadly force. | ||
| Because I remember, like, do you remember when that dude, like, ran onto the baseball field? | ||
| And he got tased. | ||
| And it was this really popular YouTube clip because they were like, ah, dude's getting tased. | ||
| And I remember even liberals that follow me on Twitter when I was like, so this is fucked up. | ||
| We're like, that's what he gets, bro. | ||
| That's what he gets for running on to a baseball field. | ||
| I'm like, he gets fucking electrocuted? | ||
| Like what happened to the days where the cops had to get off their fucking ass Chase someone, be in somewhat good shape, and just subduing. | ||
| I disagree with you there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay, I think taser the fuck on that idiot that runs in the field because he's a retard, okay? | ||
| And we need to show everybody that it really sucks when you run onto a field because we got a shitty, stupid, cappity... | ||
| Copycat Society, where if one asshole gets away with charging a baseball player and gets a high five out of the baseball player before he gets tackled to the ground. | ||
| By the way, the officers that are tackling to the ground, when you get into a physical altercation with somebody, you risk really getting hurt. | ||
| And when you're a guy who's just, look at this, this guy's running around, he's a fucking idiot, he's ruining the game, taser this asshole. | ||
| Okay, once he's down, they shouldn't have tasered him. | ||
| This is what the problem was. | ||
| Unless they tasered him to drop it, it looked like he dropped himself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's one of those ones that shoot out. | |
| Let me see it. | ||
| Can you back it up again? | ||
| Let me see it, because it looked to me for a second there like he lied down, and then they tasered him when they came out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It's the ones that shoot out, those little spikes with the cables. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Okay, he zaps him in the back right there, and that's when he goes down. | ||
| Well, yeah, fuck that guy. | ||
| That guy's an idiot. | ||
| The guy's running around the field. | ||
| These are retards. | ||
| These poor guys with families and lives and knees and bodies, they should have to risk their fucking knees and neck to take down this asshole. | ||
| You can get an injury taking a man down that you sustain for the rest of your life. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because some dickhead wants to be cute and ruin a whole fucking baseball game for everybody. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| I hate that stuff, dude. | ||
| If somebody is talking at a movie in a whisper, I'm just like, I should break their neck. | ||
| Like, I definitely, like, I hate assholes like that. | ||
| I can't be fucking around drunk people. | ||
| If I have to, like, leave my... | ||
| Like, I had to leave Vegas at, like, 5 in the morning, so there were still drunk people from the night before. | ||
| I fucking fled that city. | ||
| Like, it was, like, fucking Walking Dead. | ||
| Like, I was just like, get me the fuck out of here. | ||
| I hate people like that. | ||
| And find them, arrest them, whatever. | ||
| But, like, when... | ||
| If he died, which many people have. | ||
| Tough shit. | ||
| Now you know. | ||
| Don't do that again. | ||
| That's some Hunger Games shit. | ||
| Listen, don't do that again. | ||
| Don't do that again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He can. | |
| He's dead. | ||
| He won't. | ||
| He's dead. | ||
| Everybody else knows. | ||
| Now you can get fucking zapped to death if you're an asshole. | ||
| Because we don't need any encouragement for assholes. | ||
| This is what I believe. | ||
| This is what I believe can stop this whole police brutality problem. | ||
| We have to make our relationship with the cops different. | ||
| The cops are supposed to be respected members of our community that are there to help us when the shit goes wrong. | ||
| It's become, by shitty management and by old asshole, cunt, fuckhead, those white shirt douchebags that you see punching kids, it all trickles down from the top and they establish the attitude for the younger officers. | ||
| And these guys who go into the police academies with good intentions can be corrupted by old jaded motherfuckers that have a shitty way of We're looking at people. | ||
| But we have to look at it differently too. | ||
| This us versus them mentality a lot of times comes from people that have a distrust of police from the past or of things that they've seen when it comes to corruption or things they've seen when it comes to brutality. | ||
| Or they're just a bunch of assholes that are always doing crimes because they always have to deal with cops going, cup the shit! | ||
| So it develops that way. | ||
| So let's go back. | ||
| I picked the most hateable guy by saying the guy who ran on the field. | ||
| Yeah, that's not a good example. | ||
| But the 11-year-old girl got tasered. | ||
| Going back to the retarded people. | ||
| Going back to kids and shit like that. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Because I have met a lot of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, wait a minute. | |
| What about retarded people that are violent? | ||
| You say retarded, but I mean, you mean Down syndrome? | ||
| Yeah, there were stories of like... | ||
| They can be really strong. | ||
| Sure, but they have the mental capacity of a child, and then they have no weapons or anything. | ||
| It's just like they're not doing what the cops are telling them to do. | ||
| Yeah, when you see a dude who's mentally ill and he's lifting weights, what good can come out of that? | ||
| He gets even stronger. | ||
| Maybe he could be a superhero. | ||
| I don't think you should let mentally handicapped people lift weights. | ||
| Is that a bad thing to say? | ||
| I'm sure it is. | ||
| It probably is, right? | ||
| It's probably super offensive. | ||
| Mainly because we're in the kettlebell selling business, people. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm not sure if you want... | ||
| Unless they're really cool... | ||
| But if you had them, then they're really aggro. | ||
| So you should have a conversation with them and just be like, so what kind of music can you do, man? | ||
| Like, what do you think about first dates? | ||
| When should a girl put out? | ||
| And it just gets violent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right now, right away! | |
| Take the kettlebells away. | ||
| Yeah, you can't get any stronger, dude. | ||
| What I was going to say about the white shirts is, you know, yeah, once you have that sort of... | ||
| Us versus them. | ||
| The us versus them permeates, man. | ||
| I used to work as a security guard. | ||
| At a concert place. | ||
| And one of the first days I was there, this guy, his name was Alley Cat. | ||
| He was this crazy dude. | ||
| This kid stole a golf cart and they tackled the kid and got on top of him and beat him with a walkie-talkie. | ||
| I mean, it was pretty intense. | ||
| This was one of my first days on the job. | ||
| And I was like, alright, I guess I know how shit goes down here. | ||
| These guys were not fucking around. | ||
| He had a group of psychopaths working for him. | ||
| And that was the whole concert security. | ||
| They were just down to... | ||
| I mean, they weren't, like, assaulting people. | ||
| It was only assholes. | ||
| I mean, someone had to do something, take a swing at them first. | ||
| But they were excited to fuck up drunk people that were assholes. | ||
| I mean, they never did anything that was illegal. | ||
| Everything they did was completely legal for the job. | ||
| But our job, essentially, I got hired, and it was me and... | ||
| Nine black belts from my Taekwondo Academy. | ||
| So that was the whole security team. | ||
| It was the Taekwondo Academy and Alley Cat and his buddies. | ||
| Your guys' competition team and the walkie-talkie guy. | ||
| Yeah, but Alley Cat and his buddies were these big fucking hockey player looking dudes. | ||
| They were tough-ass Boston dudes. | ||
| And they had been working in the security business for years. | ||
| They were just down to fuck people up. | ||
| They weren't necessarily like martial arts, trained martial artists. | ||
| But you know, they knew how to fight. | ||
| They were ready to fuck people up. | ||
| So it was the most ridiculous setup ever. | ||
| These drunk, idiot concertgoers surrounded by trained killers who are led by a complete psychopath who encouraged you to fuck up people who stepped out of line. | ||
| Hey, rent-a-cop, what are you doing with your walkie-talkie? | ||
| Stop it! | ||
| Stop it! | ||
| Yeah, well, if you were fucking around, man, he would beat your ass. | ||
| But you developed that mentality. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| From there, I noticed that mentality. | ||
| A real commonplace analogy is whenever you're a pedestrian walking around New York, and you're like, these fucking idiot taxis and stuff like that, and then you're in a cab or a car, and you're like, fucking run them over, these asshole pedestrians. | ||
| Where it's like, yeah, you just get into this fucking moat. | ||
| And here's the thing. | ||
| When we were at NATO, which erupted for the protests in Chicago, the first day, the cops were actually like, the cops I talked to were super chill. | ||
| Where one dude saw I had a jiu-jitsu shirt on, and he's like, where are you trained, man? | ||
| And we just talked about jiu-jitsu. | ||
| That's such a common thing with people. | ||
| If you find someone that trains... | ||
| When you train, it's like automatically. | ||
| It's like, I know I can probably talk to this guy. | ||
| How long have you been? | ||
| You're a purple belt? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I've been wearing jiu-jitsu shirts ever since the podcast. | ||
| It's a good move, man. | ||
| Maybe the cops won't beat you as hard. | ||
| No, right. | ||
| I'm going to fake tase you, bro. | ||
| Or it'll just be like an awesome... | ||
| It'll be like, you can start in half guard, and then I'm going to tase you to death. | ||
| I'm going to beat you with my walkie-talkie. | ||
| Just don't run on the baseball fields. | ||
| That's all I'm saying, folks. | ||
| I don't think cops should be tasing old ladies. | ||
| We had a thing in NATO where it actually was a white shirt that stuck up. | ||
| My partner on Citizen Radio, my wife, is much more realistic. | ||
| Sometimes I get idealistic, and she's like, right, but if you're going to stop being stupid about it, and I'm like, oh, you're right. | ||
| You're more lefty hippie than her? | ||
| No, she's much more of a... | ||
| I'm kind of like, maybe we can all get along. | ||
| And she's like, or maybe we should learn how to fire a gun. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| When you're a woman, I think, you know, dealing with the idea that the other side of the coin is always going to be stronger. | ||
| The other sex is always stronger, more aggressive, more dangerous. | ||
| And the chances of a woman doing your harm versus the chances of a man doing your harm. | ||
| Are staggeringly different. | ||
| So just growing up like that, I think you automatically realize, no, you need a fucking gun. | ||
| You're in a zoo filled with wild chimps. | ||
| That's what humanity is. | ||
| I've got to go back to the story, but even like... | ||
| There's so much shit that I just like being a girl. | ||
| If you're a woman, you probably can't go to a family reunion without having your tits like that. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| And thinking about creepy uncles that might have touched you inappropriately or squeezed your butt when you were 10 or did something. | ||
| And who knows what worse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or all the kids that you did it to. | |
| How dare you, Brian? | ||
| How dare you, Brian? | ||
| I just became an uncle and all I want to do is be the cool uncle, but I'm like, man, too many uncles fucked kids. | ||
| There's no cool uncle connotation. | ||
| It's all creepy uncle connotation. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you can't look at it as an uncle. | ||
| You've got to look at it as you're their friend and you love them. | ||
| You know, fuck labels. | ||
| Just because some other old dude tried to diddle. | ||
| So with the NATO thing, it was crazy. | ||
| So, like, Allison and I actually got, like, the closest... | ||
| Pretty much I thought this, like, white cop, I thought I, like, charmed him. | ||
| And what happened was we kept, like, breaking through the police lines for some reason. | ||
| And in New York, usually what happens is protesters on one side, cops on one side. | ||
| Either a protester moves or a cop moves. | ||
| Something happens. | ||
| The police swarm in. | ||
| They start tackling some kid. | ||
| And what was great about New York is there was this, like, camaraderie among all the journalists where suddenly you had 50 journalists, like the cops right here. | ||
| You had 50 journalists over taking pictures, asking what the kid's name is. | ||
| You had lawyers. | ||
| The lawyers' guilds would wear hats so people knew the lawyers. | ||
| They would run to the front. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| This is like some old school gangs of New York type shit. | ||
| It was. | ||
| It's like some gang warfare. | ||
| Dude, I'll show you a picture after the show that I have to find on my phone where it's just like, it was the anarchists, the black block, and it was just a banner that said, fuck the police, and they were here, and the police were here. | ||
| And some of the cops were like, eh, they don't mean it. | ||
| But anyway, so... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| We're used to the report. | ||
| They had banners that said, fuck the police? | ||
| I only saw it once. | ||
| That wasn't like an Occupy thing. | ||
| That was like a side, like, Occupy is not hardcore enough for us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfft. | |
| Right. | ||
| What do you think about the people that believe that a lot of that is actually people that are cops undercover? | ||
| Oh, I've seen it. | ||
| You've seen it? | ||
| Oh, totally. | ||
| What did you see? | ||
| The instigators or – I haven't seen – I've only seen videos and read articles about the cops actually being the ones that started the violence. | ||
| What is the term for that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
On tour, what is it? | |
| Agent Provocateur. | ||
| Provocateur, yeah. | ||
| And yeah, that shit's happened. | ||
| I mean, I remember just undercover cops. | ||
| They're usually fairly obvious. | ||
| We interviewed two that were convinced. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Well, because it was just a tall dude with a crew cut who had a Rage Against the Machine shirt. | ||
| And I was like, come on, man. | ||
| You can't just put on a banned shirt. | ||
| He was like 6'2". | ||
| The only thing that was missing was his badge and gun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did you smell like a cop? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And he was with a friend who looked the same way, looked like a fucking college wrestler, short, stocky, and he had a fucking Nirvana shirt on. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| And so we were like, let's just interview him. | ||
| Maybe they'll be really cool or maybe they'll clearly be cops. | ||
| This was in Times Square, so the majority of people there. | ||
| The march, there wasn't that much. | ||
| They announced it, and then it happened pretty quickly. | ||
| It wasn't a big month thing where people were going to be flying in. | ||
| We were like, so are you guys from the city? | ||
| They're like, no, we're from Niagara Falls, New York, and we just took a bus. | ||
| Their story was really detailed. | ||
| We took a bus down, just hit the open road trying to find ourselves, and we're just like, oh, wait a second. | ||
| And you're like, oh, Jimmy here is getting married next week. | ||
| It was just super fucking ridiculous. | ||
| You know, it would be a really funny show to have a show just called Liars. | ||
| We just have people try to pretend to fit in with different organizations, like fit in with Occupy. | ||
| Hey guys, let's do something violent, am I right? | ||
| Fuck the police, man. | ||
| The fucking police are pigs, okay? | ||
| Let's get Al-Qaeda on the phone, am I right? | ||
| Yeah, what's up, bro? | ||
| I know how to make a bomb. | ||
| Hey, I saw Rage Against the Machine. | ||
| I can view the plans for a bomb on my Sprint 4G. So you saw some people you definitely believe were cops. | ||
| Oh, I mean, well, because you'd see them later in plainclothes talking to the cops. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, and so... | ||
| And they would just infiltrate and try to, like... | ||
| Well, a lot of times, I mean, they're... | ||
| A lot of them, there's no evidence that they're placed there to be agent provocateurs, but they are trying to get information. | ||
| There were stories, The Guardian wrote a piece a little while ago about cops going undercover with activists and fucking them. | ||
| Just fucking these girls. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's probably a lot of low-hanging fruit. | ||
| Lost hippies. | ||
| Probably a lot of smelly pussies. | ||
| Dude, it's like he's hippie, but yet he's still oddly alpha. | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| He smells like cologne. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of yeast infections going on in there. | |
| You think so? | ||
| Probably a lot of camping. | ||
| So the cops were banging the chicks. | ||
| How could you stop them? | ||
| Everybody likes a little hippie pussy. | ||
| Is this where we need our undercover cops? | ||
| Do you remember during the lead up to the war in Iraq? | ||
| There were literally groups with peace in the title. | ||
| It was like, old ladies for peace. | ||
| And there'd be fucking narc showing up. | ||
| And it's like, dude, peace is in the title. | ||
| Like, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, there are real fucking criminals out there. | ||
| How about violent protesters for peace? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We don't want to hurt the Iraqis, but we really want to hurt cops. | ||
| Cops. | ||
| White cops. | ||
| White cops with crew cuts. | ||
| Oh, so this dude with... | ||
| This white shirt actually saved our ass, so he was one of the guys I was talking to the day before, and we were kind of friendly, and so we knew I was pressed. | ||
| By the way, we're not saying we want to hurt white cops with crew cuts, just for any idiot that listened to that. | ||
| We're being a fake character. | ||
| Like someone sitting there, and they're like, got it. | ||
| We're talking about an idiot thinking that, not talking, okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is crazy. | |
| You have to preface that shit. | ||
| You gotta do it, because someone can take a fucking sound clip of that, and you know, they fucking hate white cops with crew cuts. | ||
| We're living in a world filled with dumb dumb dumb dumbs. | ||
| That's part of the problem and some of them get to be cops. | ||
| And the real problem is not cops. | ||
| The real problem is just a staggering amount of stupid fucking assholes that are in every walk of life, man. | ||
| It's ego, too. | ||
| We had a friend in New York who used to do the psychological evaluations for the first level for police training. | ||
| And she would just tell us these stories where there was one dude... | ||
| I'm trying to remember the exact line. | ||
| The question was pretty easy, where it was like, why do you want to be a police officer? | ||
| And take in mind, you're being interviewed to be a cop. | ||
| This is the one time you just don't be crazy. | ||
| That's all you have to do to answer that. | ||
| Why do you want to be a cop? | ||
| Protect people. | ||
| All done. | ||
| Just don't be crazy for like 10 seconds. | ||
| She goes, why do you want to be a cop? | ||
| And he goes, so I can finally get the respect I deserve. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| What? | ||
| It's like that's the dude who's gonna fucking curb stomp somebody. | ||
| That's the dumbest answer ever. | ||
| But it's like how crazy are you that you couldn't even stifle that for the fucking interview? | ||
| Isn't it Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Fucking so ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally like ridiculous. | |
| The dumbest answer ever is if I could finally get the respect I deserve. | ||
| What? | ||
| Fuck some people up. | ||
| I hate that because I think that cops are important. | ||
| I hate that because I think that there's a real legitimate place for the police force. | ||
| It should be hard to get into the police force. | ||
| Do you remember when you were a kid? | ||
| I just remember being a kid. | ||
| My perception of cops, mainly because of the war on drugs. | ||
| I grew up with a cop. | ||
| My dad was a cop. | ||
| I don't know him. | ||
| He was very violent. | ||
| My perception of the cops might be a little more realistic. | ||
| Well, because I grew up in suburbia and they would be our crossing guards and shit like that. | ||
| And so I grew up being like, right, of course you trust the police. | ||
| They're here to help. | ||
| And then the older I got, I just see my friends get jacked up for having a dime bag of weed or whatever. | ||
| Because it was just bored fucking bully cops. | ||
| I don't remember too much about my childhood. | ||
| But I do specifically remember my father beating the fuck out of a teenage kid once. | ||
| I forget what he did. | ||
| I don't remember the exact details of it. | ||
| But it wasn't like murder. | ||
| No, but he picked him up by his hair. | ||
| He was a scary guy, and he was a cop, so I grew up with that guy. | ||
| Yeah, and it's like, well, if that's how... | ||
| Well, not really grew up until I was like six. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's one of those things where I was like, fuck, man, if that's how he treats his family... | ||
| Like, what the fuck is going on out there? | ||
| Growing up like that, I always assumed everybody was crazy. | ||
| I always assumed that everyone... | ||
| When you have a father that has a fuse that's like a half an inch long, and it'll just explode on someone and beat the shit out of someone in front of you. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| When you have that, you assume everybody has it. | ||
| Right, of course. | ||
| So I never looked at cops like, well, this cop is here to protect me. | ||
| I'm like, this cop could be crazy like my dad. | ||
| I had to get the fuck out of here, right? | ||
| People can get nasty with you when they, you know, think about how mad people are at little simple things in road rage. | ||
| Little simple things, like you missed your exit and you try to get in front of them. | ||
| And they'll fucking honk their horn. | ||
| Use their mind. | ||
| And make it seem like they've never done that before. | ||
| Of you've never barely made the exit and tried to cut over. | ||
| And there was enough space. | ||
| It's not like you had a slam on your brakes. | ||
| You almost died. | ||
| You relaxed. | ||
| I was going to the airport. | ||
| I was taking the train from Penn Station. | ||
| And I bumped shoulders with just this dude in a suit. | ||
| Looked like a normal dude. | ||
| And he just started screaming. | ||
| And I was like, dude, you gotta walk away from this. | ||
| I've never had that level... | ||
| Like, the only times I've, like, almost gotten into an altercation is like, alright, do I have to defend somebody? | ||
| Or do I have to defend myself? | ||
| Well, you have a completely different occupation. | ||
| If you're doing something that you hate all day, which is what I'm saying with these cops, you're running into them. | ||
| They're already at nine. | ||
| So that's a really good point, right? | ||
| Where, like, a lot of the protesters who were trying to reason with these cops are just like, dude, we are fighting so you can get pensions. | ||
| So you're fucking... | ||
| Benefits aren't going to get taken away. | ||
| And the problem with the cops is they should be getting paid a shitload of money. | ||
| For any cop who has already turned this off and was like, Kielstein, huh? | ||
| And has left. | ||
| If there are friends around, please play this part as well. | ||
| They should be getting paid so much more. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| The same as a manager awarded a shitty retail job. | ||
| Of course you're going to be fucking angry. | ||
| I had a friend who I do jujitsu with who when we first started talking about Occupy, he's a cop. | ||
| When we first started talking about Occupy, he was like, yeah, I totally support him and they have the right to be down there and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And then by the time it was like three months in, And he got dragged down and they're not making overtime and shit like that. | ||
| Suddenly a kid runs behind the barrier and this guy's like, fuck that kid. | ||
| I'm not even getting fucking paid what I should be getting paid for this. | ||
| Fuck that kid. | ||
| And then he tackles him. | ||
| And then everyone sees him and a lot of the protesters assume, well, that guy is a fucking asshole. | ||
| He's the problem. | ||
| And it's like, well, he was on your side a couple months ago, but he's getting dicked around by his fucking bosses who don't have to be out there and who are making way more fucking money and who are like, Essentially, career politicians, not even fucking cops, you know what I mean? | ||
| It's going to breed so much fucking resentment towards everyone. | ||
| But in reality, it's just like, again, unless you're making billions of fucking dollars, anytime you see a protester and you scream, get a job, even though a lot of them fucking have jobs, they're teachers and nurses, and they're just not making enough money. | ||
| Or they have a shred of fucking empathy, which so many people seem to lack nowadays. | ||
| When you see them, it's like they're sticking up for you. | ||
| They want to make sure you don't fucking have to suddenly start paying a shitload for Medicare for your grandmother. | ||
| Yeah, it's putting people in a very unnatural situation and asking them to behave normally. | ||
| Both cops and protesters. | ||
| Putting people in a situation where... | ||
| The cops have to listen to... | ||
| Look, not every protestor is fucking smart. | ||
| You know how many protesters are saying dumb shit to the cops all day? | ||
| And the cops are stuck in traffic, getting over there, their job sucks. | ||
| It's a dangerous fucking creepy job being the enemy, folks. | ||
| It's a dangerous creepy job. | ||
| So it's an unnatural position that most people should not be asked to be in. | ||
| But I completely agree that cops should be paid a fuckload of money as should teachers. | ||
| Those are two things that is a sign of a sick society. | ||
| If you look at the way we spend money on foreign wars and this idea of policing places we're never gonna fucking visit that have been that way for thousands of years. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| To do that and not want to spend money on schools and not want to spend money on cops. | ||
| It's just indicative of how corrupt our society is. | ||
| We have the money. | ||
| If everybody just worked and used their resources the way we would want them used, if we used our resources in this country the way that people would actually vote on, if we could all vote on what percentage of money should be put on national defense, what percentage should be on education, you'd be amazed. | ||
| If we could decide, you'd be amazed at how quickly things could change. | ||
| It's a sign of corruption. | ||
| But what happens if we don't fund the education system? | ||
| Then we have a shitty education, more people drop out, and then they can join the fucking military and fight these wars. | ||
| Exactly, exactly. | ||
| It makes it easier. | ||
| I mean, that's the argument. | ||
| The argument is that it's weakened on purpose in order to make sure that they always have a steady supply of rubes to work for them and do their bidding. | ||
| I mean, you look at these poor communities. | ||
| For all these people who are like, get a fucking job, you know, all these people get a job. | ||
| It's like, because there haven't been jobs in their fucking community. | ||
| They can't buy produce in their community. | ||
| There haven't been jobs there for years except for fucking drug dealing and their dad was arrested for drug dealing so then this kid had to take care of his fucking mother, right? | ||
| So then he ends up drug dealing and then fucking he goes to jail and then you get out of jail and what? | ||
| You're just going to start fucking applying to Ivy League schools? | ||
| You're going to look for like internships in the media business? | ||
| Like of course you're going to fucking drug deal because that's the only way to put money on your – To feed your family. | ||
| Yeah, people have to accept that other folks get a real bad roll of the dice and you start off on shit street. | ||
| And there's not much you can do about that but imitate your atmosphere in order to try to get by in life. | ||
| That is a lot of our problem in this world. | ||
| It is not the children that are committing crimes that are the problem. | ||
| It's how these children get into this position where they can commit crimes. | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| Well, what's going on is there's a shit education and there's a fucking shit community. | ||
| And there's a bunch of people that are constantly involved in crime, and that is the roll of the dice these poor people got. | ||
| What we have to figure out as a society is how to improve the weakest areas of our foundation, the weakest areas of our structure. | ||
| And the weakest area clearly are the areas of impoverished people that are filled with crime. | ||
| We need to fix those. | ||
| And until you fix those... | ||
| You're not really trying to make a better America. | ||
| You're just being an asshole. | ||
| You're just wasting our tax dollars doing shit the corporations want you to do because they've paid you and that's how they got you into office. | ||
| Well, I mean, the heads of these corporations are paying less in taxes than all of your listeners are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's what's so crazy is they say, well, I did this. | ||
| It was the free market. | ||
| The government didn't make this job, right? | ||
| But it's like, right, but they paid for the roads you took to get there. | ||
| They paid for the police that protected your corporation from being robbed. | ||
| They pay for, you know, maybe your kids went to public school, but I doubt it. | ||
| But parks, I mean. | ||
| Here's the real issue that people have, the people that don't want to pay more taxes. | ||
| Here's the issue that people have. | ||
| The number one, the most prevalent point is they don't want lazy people to get free money. | ||
| That is it. | ||
| And that is a real point. | ||
| And that's being ignored by the left and to a certain extent because we really do have to look at the welfare mindset because it is a terrible psychological mindset. | ||
| But compare the The people you're describing are out there, for sure. | ||
| There's a lot of them, man. | ||
| But they hail in comparison to the amount of kids you were just talking about who were born into poverty. | ||
| I completely agree, but I don't think that money, just pushing money in their hands is the way to handle it. | ||
| It's a lazy way of approaching it. | ||
| But at the same time, you lose your job, for example, right? | ||
| You lose your job, you lose your benefits. | ||
| Back before the Affordable Care Act, which I have problems with, again, before anyone through this, before the Affordable Care Act, you couldn't re-get health insurance if, let's say you were sick, let's say you had cancer, because that was a pre-existing condition. | ||
| So now you got fired, you're not getting any money, or maybe even if you are getting welfare money, but now suddenly you have to pay for your own fucking cancer treatment. | ||
| And so then what happens? | ||
| Well, he doesn't have insurance. | ||
| So then he goes to the hospital. | ||
| They have to see him. | ||
| And if he can't fucking pay, then the hospital pays for it. | ||
| And we're just losing more and more money. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Here's the issue with what you just brought up. | ||
| You just brought up an artificial scenario. | ||
| I can bring you up another one. | ||
| Here's a woman. | ||
| She never works. | ||
| She keeps having children. | ||
| The more children she has, the more money she gets. | ||
| Her kids all become criminals. | ||
| This is me and my wife. | ||
| They're all being raised by idiots in a terrible environment, and everyone's on welfare and food stamps, and people don't want their money to continue to go to that. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's that, too. | ||
| There's that, that you're looking at welfare as sponsoring a criminal organization. | ||
| But what happens if there's kids, right? | ||
| Right, but I don't necessarily think that sending them a check is the way to do it. | ||
| I'm not saying that they don't deserve attention. | ||
| They most certainly do. | ||
| I have always said, and I say it on this podcast all the time, that if you want to make the country a better place, The first thing you've got to do is make sure there's less losers. | ||
| So you have to find children and give them hope. | ||
| And so you've got to give a kid who, you know, has got a shit roll of the dice and give them an opportunity. | ||
| And I think there's plenty of people and plenty of resources to accomplish that. | ||
| And I think it should be our number one goal as Americans. | ||
| If we really truly consider this a tribe, if we really are a tribe of 300 million people, We can't ignore the shittiest part of the tribe. | ||
| But money is not the answer. | ||
| Spending money on programs and education and having community centers and giving them a sense of community, building up a sense of community, making sure that everyone has food, okay? | ||
| Taking that out of the equation so people don't have to worry about fucking starving to death. | ||
| I'm 100% for that. | ||
| But just giving them a check, I don't agree with that. | ||
| I think maybe we should set up places where they can all... | ||
| Like community centers where anyone can eat at any time. | ||
| Yeah, you want job placement centers and stuff like that. | ||
| Yeah, I want education. | ||
| I want a place where you can go there and there's a boxing coach. | ||
| There's a guy who can teach you jiu-jitsu. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, totally. | |
| You know, like where kids can have something where they can have a positive place to put their energy and you can develop good human beings. | ||
| So, I mean, we are on the same page. | ||
| We are on the same page. | ||
| We are on the same page of helping people that need help. | ||
| Especially people that just got unfortunate and people that are sick, 100%. | ||
| I think that should be, again, a part of a tribe. | ||
| But don't give... | ||
| All of my friends in my, you know, whatever we call death squad or immediate... | ||
| If any one of my friends was ever in a situation where they needed money for anything and I had that money, I would spend it immediately. | ||
| Well, this is why I came here today. | ||
| But you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Several proposals. | ||
| But you know what I'm saying? | ||
| That's how we should feel as a community. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| When we have an issue, like, you know the issue with this comic who was hurt in the Aurora shooting house? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| The comic community is rallying around. | ||
| They're doing a bunch of benefits for this kid. | ||
| It's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they're donating money to his family, and it's beautiful. | ||
| And so how do we do that on a larger scale? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Education. | |
| I think the answer... | ||
| Because, yeah, of course. | ||
| You're not supposed to give homeless alcoholics money so they don't buy alcohol. | ||
| You're supposed to take them to a shelter or call a shelter. | ||
| Don't give a man a fish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do agree. | |
| You don't want those lazy people getting checks or kettlebells, as we discussed earlier. | ||
| What we need, dude, is a shift in the way human beings approach each other. | ||
| The way we're taught we can approach each other and the way that will benefit us, individuals. | ||
| But I think that's why Occupy got so popular because, you know, it wasn't just resentment because you're wealthy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I think, like, Chael had that quote where he was saying that, like, liberals don't – liberals don't – like, they – Something like, they hate wealthy people. | ||
| It wasn't like, you know, it made it more of like, oh, we're jealous, we just don't like you for being rich. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| If you get rich ethically, good for you. | ||
| Like, that's great. | ||
| You say that, and that's nice, and you have a very good point of view. | ||
| However, there's a lot of morons who adopted the, if you're rich, you did it off the backs of other people. | ||
| I've faced it as an entertainer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I know. | |
| Everything I've done is just try to make people laugh. | ||
| I mean, everything I do for money. | ||
| I'm trying to make people laugh, trying to explain Jiu Jitsu. | ||
| I'm not hurting anybody, but yet people will be upset at me personally because I've made money. | ||
| I've had that argument. | ||
| I had a couple people who, and then I'll get to the positive point, but I had a couple people who, and we have tens of thousands of liberal kids who listen to us, and maybe this was like four or five tweets, but they were so obnoxious that those were the ones I fucking focused on. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Where I did Conan, which have not been invited back. | ||
| I talked about drone strikes, criticized Obama. | ||
| And on the same episode, I was like, I wonder why they got so much hate mail. | ||
| And then the other guests, it was some child star and Kobe Bryant. | ||
| And I was like, oh, that makes sense. | ||
| That's not really my crowd. | ||
| And so talking about drone strikes, did literally everything I could. | ||
| To make it as different and edgy, just walk the fucking line as close as I could. | ||
| And someone immediately was like, yo bro, TBS is owned by this giant corporation. | ||
| And I'm like, go fuck yourself and die. | ||
| What am I supposed to do? | ||
| There are going to be those left of left, miserable people who wouldn't be happy unless it was like, this is Citizen Radio live from a box in an alley. | ||
| Someone please bring me food. | ||
| I'm really hungry. | ||
| And then they'd be like, yeah, man, Che Guevara. | ||
| They haven't sold out yet. | ||
| Would you get an apartment, you fucking sellout? | ||
| You get an apartment in the backs of your listeners? | ||
| Would I send you money so you talk and now you get a fucking apartment, dude? | ||
| Really? | ||
| I want you broadcasting from the emergency room, from emergency care. | ||
| I used to believe in you. | ||
| That's one of my favorite ones. | ||
| I used to believe in you, man. | ||
| You went to a subscription model, Jamie Kilstein. | ||
| You fucking sold out. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| I'm like, dude, we have made every terrible business decision to not sell out. | ||
| Like, every mistake. | ||
| We should be homeless a thousand times over. | ||
| We sell out the shit we love. | ||
| Well, and that's the difference, right? | ||
| We sell out to the flashlight. | ||
| We sell out to Onnit. | ||
| Yeah, we had one sponsor back in the day that we really like... | ||
| Legitimately supported and bought shit from. | ||
| So we were like, sure. | ||
| And of course, because they were ethical, they were like, we can't afford to pay anymore. | ||
| And I was like, right on. | ||
| You know, we were going back. | ||
| We were talking about the difference between the silent protest being so creepy and throwing glitter on people. | ||
| And I did want to say, I didn't want to stop your rant, but I did want to say that I fucking love when they throw glitter on people. | ||
| Have you seen the Tom Freeman pie? | ||
| No, I don't like pies. | ||
| Pies are rude. | ||
| But glitter on undercover gay dudes who are mean to other gay dudes, that shit is beautiful. | ||
| Marcus Bachman, man, when they glitter Marcus Bachman, I've been going back and forth on Twitter with the dudes who do it. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| They send me tweets and emails whenever they catch them and they throw glitter on them. | ||
| They showed up at his place and dressed as barbarians. | ||
| And I fucking love that. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Because Marcus Bachman, if you don't know who he is, his wife, Michelle Bachman, at one point in time, somehow or another they thought she was going to be a Sarah Palin type character, only even nuttier. | ||
| And they were going to try that out. | ||
| But we're not ready for this yet. | ||
| We're not ready for a lady who not only probably thinks the earth is 10,000 years old, but has a fucking gay husband. | ||
| Well, they have one of those gay conversion camps that he runs. | ||
| Yeah, he runs a pray the gay way camp. | ||
| Which, by the way, is like... | ||
| If you're a gay dude and you're looking to pick up guys, that's where you go. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to pray the gay away camp. | ||
| One of them, it was New York Times or Vanity Fair, did an undercover sort of a thing where they went there. | ||
| And they're all like, guys are hugging you from behind with their boners pressed into your ass. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| And they're praying the gay away. | ||
| And so these guys, I don't remember the name of the group, I apologize, but I thought it was fucking awesome. | ||
| A bunch of proud gay guys. | ||
| Just showed up at Marcus Bachman's Pray the Gay Away place dressed as barbarians. | ||
| And then they're throwing glitter on them whenever they see them. | ||
| I think that's fucking awesome. | ||
| It's a high time that that becomes ridiculous. | ||
| The two kids that... | ||
| The two guys who made up at the Rick Santorum rally came to my show in Chicago. | ||
| Apparently they didn't plan it. | ||
| They just went ironically to the Rick Santorum rally. | ||
| Were they gay? | ||
| Yeah, they were a couple. | ||
| It would be a real protest if they weren't. | ||
| Either way, they just start sucking each other's dicks. | ||
| Fuck you, Santorum. | ||
| Yo, yeah, Rick, check this out! | ||
| Hail Satan! | ||
| But here's what was so funny. | ||
| My favorite part about that was, so they're like big, they look like hockey players. | ||
| So like they stood up and I was like, I was like, are these dudes going to brawl? | ||
| Like they were just like these bearded. | ||
| And so they, so they stand up and they start making out. | ||
| And like the audience, you hear the audience at first are like, uh, uh, uh. | ||
| And like, They progressively just got more creeped out. | ||
| But then my favorite part is because it was Republicans, they didn't know what else to do. | ||
| So they just start chanting, USA! USA! Which doesn't even make sense. | ||
| So essentially all you see is a Rick Santorum rally. | ||
| Two dudes making out. | ||
| And it looks like everyone is rallying behind them. | ||
| They got punked. | ||
| Being like, America! | ||
| And then the kids left. | ||
| That's hilarious! | ||
| They took a Rick Santorum poster from the rally. | ||
| I made them sign it for us. | ||
| Is there a video of them chanting USA while those guys are kissing? | ||
| Oh yeah, totally. | ||
| Because that would be awesome. | ||
| It's the funniest thing. | ||
| They should have that for, like, gay America. | ||
| They should have a video. | ||
| Just show them kissing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where are the people? | |
| I guess they're already... | ||
| Yeah, my buddies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's Dan Mondona Oh, they already channeled it They chanted USA after they were ejected. | |
| What a dumb chant. | ||
| USA. This is USA, you fuckhead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| USA is gay people too. | ||
| That is so dumb. | ||
| But that's what they do when they panic. | ||
| It's just like, what country are we in again? | ||
| Right, USA. Yeah, let's just all be as dumb as possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
USA. We'll just break it down to some letters and we all agree we're on the same team. | |
| Okay, we're ready to go. | ||
| What does that even mean? | ||
| You can't interrupt a dummy who wants to be king by kissing. | ||
| You can't interrupt a dummy. | ||
| A silly dummy that has no right running the world. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, you crazy asshole who believes in old, ancient, stupid shit. | ||
| No, you can't run things. | ||
| And then here. | ||
| That blows my mind that religion is the one thing where you don't need I'm an atheist and when I first read the big atheist books and stuff, there was part of me that didn't want to go around and like, I don't know. | ||
| There is part of you, like, when you first read something that you had no idea and you're like, "Fuck, man, I've been lied to for so long," that you do want to take it to an extreme. | ||
| Or, like, if you see a kid who's like, "Merry Christmas," be like, "Fuck you, there is no Christmas, idiot," and, like, kick him over and be like, "Read Christopher Hitchens, asshole." But, like, then once you kind of calm down and, you know, you—people are going to be religious and, say, not hurt people or just because they believe in something and it makes them happier, it makes them feel whole, like, that's fine. | ||
| That's fine with me. | ||
| That is fine. | ||
| But the fact that you can make policy without proving there's a Jesus, without proving there's a God, you can make policy That hurts actual people. | ||
| Like, we're not positive about Jesus. | ||
| I'm positive there are dudes who suck cock. | ||
| Positive. | ||
| Positive there are girls with pussy. | ||
| Seen pictures of it. | ||
| There is evidence. | ||
| There's no picture of fucking Jesus. | ||
| there's absolutely picture of girls eating pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom. | |
| That, uh, that ring pattern. | ||
| Yeah, it's, well, it's, it's ridiculous that anybody should be able to ever enforce any behavior patterns on anybody else. | ||
| If, if their choice behavior patterns, if those behavior patterns don't hurt other people. | ||
| If your behavior patterns are you like to push people into the street, well, yeah, that should be eliminated. | ||
| What if you do it while going nom nom nom? | ||
| Well, maybe you'd be funny that way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It depends on who you're pushing in the street. | ||
| What if you're pushing people who are assholes? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, if you're a vigilante. | ||
| While making that noise. | ||
| So you're doing something good and you're being kind of funny. | ||
| The pussy-eating punisher. | ||
| Push. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| What the fuck am I saying? | ||
| I think we have to look at our model of human behavior and we have to change it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I had a revelation and it became like a bit that's in my act now. | ||
| But I really did have this revelation on a boat looking at some dolphins. | ||
| And I was thinking of how smart dolphins are. | ||
| What is it like to be a dolphin, like dolphin consciousness? | ||
| I was thinking how strange it is, like being a dolphin, like the way he thinks of himself is exactly the way I think of myself. | ||
| We're just trapped in different worlds. | ||
| Like I can manipulate things with my fingers and he has to kill things with his face. | ||
| And I thought about like, would I be him if I was a dolphin? | ||
| And then I thought about people and I was like, how fuck would it be if we are literally all the same thing and that we're looking at ourselves Through different life experiences. | ||
| We're looking at ourselves with different genetics. | ||
| But if you were that little kid with cerebral palsy, you would be him. | ||
| If you lived his life, you were born him, you would be him. | ||
| And if he lived your life, he would be you. | ||
| And it's like we are just a unique combination of hormones and life experiences combined with a soul and the entity, the consciousness, whatever the fuck it is, that has to go through life and make the decisions. | ||
| And how crazy would it be if we could realize that we Can be happy if we treat everybody that we meet, everybody that we deal with, as if it's us living another life. | ||
| And that doesn't mean no competition. | ||
| That doesn't mean no innovation. | ||
| That doesn't mean no competition as far as capitalism. | ||
| It doesn't mean, you know, we have to rely on some ridiculous commune system where nobody has any reward incentives. | ||
| Just don't start off being an addict. | ||
| Yeah, just don't be a fucking piece of shit. | ||
| Don't open by being an addict. | ||
| Treat the world as if it's you. | ||
| I swear to God, I think that's possible. | ||
| I think if you do good work, as long as we have a real economy, if we have a real market, if we really do manufacture things and create things that have merit, if we really can figure that out, if that's possible. | ||
| And that's what makes it a little trickier, because... | ||
| I'm not sure if we can really run a society like this without being corrupt. | ||
| Well, the problem is, it's like... | ||
| I really don't think that the majority of Americans are like racist, homophobic pieces of shit. | ||
| But a point that Allison writes about a lot is in times of economic struggle, that's when you see harsher immigration laws come down. | ||
| That's when you see more homophobia. | ||
| That's when you see more violence because it's always this other, right? | ||
| Because in America, you're told you can do whatever you want. | ||
| If you want to be a millionaire or if you want to be a successful entrepreneur, you can do it. | ||
| And then you don't do it, but you have some politician, some rich politician who has your fucking money. | ||
| You have him saying, like, well, we just have too many immigrants taking their jobs. | ||
| Or, like, it's the gays. | ||
| They're angering Jesus. | ||
| And then you start blaming these other people because you're like, it's not me. | ||
| Because, like, there are a lot of Republicans who are being fucked. | ||
| Just like we're being fucked. | ||
| Just like everyone, independents, whatever, are being fucked. | ||
| Because... | ||
| And the people who are actually doing the fucking are just like, well, don't look at my house. | ||
| Don't look at my mansion. | ||
| Don't look at my bank account. | ||
| Don't look at my fucking tax records. | ||
| It's fucking Jose over there. | ||
| And you look and it's just like friendly Mexican dude in a pickup truck. | ||
| Like, that guy's going for your job. | ||
| And you're like, well, fuck Jose. | ||
| Because it's also easier to go after the immigrants than it is to overthrow our broken system, right? | ||
| Like, if you tell someone that the election was rigged, Or that votes are being suppressed or that George Bush didn't win in 2000, they're like, I'm just going to blame Nader because that dude is fucking old and that seems easier. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's easier to blame a Ron Paul. | ||
| It's easier to blame a Ralph Nader. | ||
| It's easier to blame an immigrant. | ||
| Than to be like, oh no, it's all the people with all the power and all the money and all the guns and the roadmaps to the wars. | ||
| They're the ones we have to defeat. | ||
| We need a shift in the identification of responsibility. | ||
| But going back to where I totally agree with you is… You know, a lot of people think that, like, atheists are, like, these, like, weird, immoral, like, we're just, like, butt-fucking and worshiping the devil. | ||
| Wait a minute, you know? | ||
| Well, I mean, that's, like, a Tuesday thing, but not, like, all week. | ||
| You gotta rest on Wednesdays. | ||
| Do you butt-fuck while you sing Shout at the Devil? | ||
| You butt-fuck on Tuesday while you praise the devil, and then Wednesday, like Jesus, it's like, and then he rested. | ||
| That gives me great happiness, knowing that, for sure, some dudes have butt-fucked while singing Shout at the Devil. | ||
| Shout! | ||
| Shout! | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| Or they're like, when the podcast is over, we have to do this. | ||
| Yeah, they're going to crank it and buttfuck. | ||
| And buttfuck. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And it's going to be like one of the best days of their lives. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a problem with people trying to stop other people from doing shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| And you know where that comes from. | ||
| Fear. | ||
| Who's always the dickhead who's going hard – like way too hard and aggressive against smaller people at jiu-jitsu? | ||
| The dude who sucks at jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Who's always the comic who when you get to the club, he's automatically like – just like, hey, it's a gay shirt you got. | ||
| Like, where's your wife? | ||
| Probably fucking – and you're just like, who the fuck are you? | ||
| Well, it's a shitty MC. That's who that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then, you know, I mean, that always happens. | ||
| Those guys are brutal. | ||
| The more of an ego you have. | ||
| Because look, if you look at statistically, we're not handling this marriage thing well. | ||
| This thing that like we claim is like so fucking like sanctimonious and, you know, marriage is one of the institutions of America. | ||
| Well, the majority of people get fucking divorced. | ||
| So obviously we're not doing it right. | ||
| But it's that same fucking ego, right? | ||
| Well, it's like, well, I'm not happy. | ||
| So I don't want that fucking gay motherfucker singing heavy metal. | ||
| That's not marriage, okay? | ||
| You want to call it a union? | ||
| A marriage is between a man and a woman. | ||
| A man and a woman, you have to be miserable. | ||
| You have to surrender all your dreams. | ||
| You have to hate your fucking spike kids that you had. | ||
| You have to be miserable like me. | ||
| It doesn't say that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're just saying you need Jesus in your life if you want to marry a man. | |
| But I'm saying those motherfuckers are so miserable, the ones that have miserable marriages. | ||
| I'm not saying I have a very happy marriage. | ||
| If you really love marriage and if you really are upset at someone making marriage less than it should be, why don't you attack those fucking drive-thru places in Vegas where you can get married by Elvis? | ||
| That seems ridiculous. | ||
| I mean, if you want to talk about not taking a commitment seriously, the fact that you could do it drunk. | ||
| But then you have a monogamous gay couple that's been together for 10 years and have a kid, and they can't get married, so if one of them fucking is dying, the other one can't see them in the hospital bed. | ||
| But that goes back to the empathy, right? | ||
| That goes back to just not being a dick. | ||
| Because, again, ever since then… Well, it's the idea that there's something wrong with that guy because he likes something different than you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Than you like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| That's so stupid. | ||
| And it's something that is, by the way, a weakness. | ||
| And if you're a fucking man, you run around thinking you're some sort of a badass, and you can't understand that someone can have different desires than you, then you're a pussy, you're weak, you're confused, you're sad, or you're probably gay. | ||
| Or you're hiding some shit. | ||
| It could be some gay shit going on in your past. | ||
| It's all American beauty stabbing in the garage. | ||
| I've always said that there's two types of dudes who want to stop gay marriage. | ||
| There's really dumb people and people that are secretly worried that dicks are delicious. | ||
| And really, really gay people, yeah. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| They just fucking crave it. | ||
| Like this chicken guy, this Chick-fil-A guy. | ||
| He's spending millions of dollars to stop gay marriage. | ||
| I guarantee there's some cock in his past. | ||
| I guarantee. | ||
| And it is not the good kind of cock. | ||
| It ain't the rooster. | ||
| It is dark cock. | ||
| Something has happened to him. | ||
| I'm not dark like evil, not black. | ||
| Either he was molested or he did some molesting or he likes to go to road stops or something. | ||
| Because that's the thing. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| I might just be talking shit. | ||
| He might just be an old crazy rich dude. | ||
| Spends money. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| There has been a dick in his past. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I would say if you had to go to Vegas and you had to look at a good line, I think I would say the Vegas line would be that he's probably had his dick sucked by a dude. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of crying and dick sucking. | ||
| Because here's the thing. | ||
| there are political issues that I can disagree with people on but like even though I disagree with them like I see where they're coming from where it's like okay torture you think that produces a good result and you want to protect people who may not be criminals got it like the war like you think you're protecting us you think that was like Iraq that attacked us like we can disagree and we can talk about facts and stuff like that but I get it but for someone to wake up every day and be like oh there are dudes fucking like well in And to make that their issue is crazy. | ||
| Well, their defense, though, with a lot of them, they were, look, the real problem with religion is that anybody telling you absolutely they know what God wants you to do is fucking crazy. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| Every one of them. | ||
| Anyone who tells you, anybody who wrote anything down, and that's not taken away from the idea that there's not some sort of a natural order to the universe, and maybe there's some sort of higher power or consciousness that is at the end of this whole crazy Yeah. | ||
| Ride that we're all on. | ||
| But when you decide that you definitely know that this shouldn't be happening, even though the people that are doing it are enjoying it, because it's some ancient thing that God wants to stop. | ||
| We have an education problem. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| That is an education problem. | ||
| That is a consciousness problem. | ||
| That is a problem with people that have not been raised to accept other people's happiness. | ||
| Well, and I don't know. | ||
| I don't think I've ever talked about this. | ||
| I don't think I've talked about it in your show or anything. | ||
| But, like, I... I started thinking that way since I was an atheist. | ||
| I was more of a dick. | ||
| I was more selfish when I believed in some kind of God. | ||
| I was never religious. | ||
| I never went to church. | ||
| I never went to synagogue. | ||
| I always knew organized religion. | ||
| Here's how crazy religion is. | ||
| Even though I was on stage talking about how I thought... | ||
| I consider myself agnostic. | ||
| Which to me is almost worse than being a Christian. | ||
| Because at least Christians are taking a stand. | ||
| A dumb stand, but a stand. | ||
| Whereas agnostics to me are like independent voters where it's like make up your fucking mind and start losing friends like me. | ||
| Like start alienating people and just be fucking miserable. | ||
| I think the world needs agnostics. | ||
| I think we need agnostics with almost everything. | ||
| But here's what I think. | ||
| I think that most atheists are agnostics because like if we're going – if we're going to be technical and then I'll get back to – like if we're going to be technical, anyone who says they're 100 percent sure that there is a god or there isn't god is wrong. | ||
| So, as an agnostic, I'm like, alright, so I look for evidence, and I look for science, and until that happens, I'm just gonna live like there's no God or whatever. | ||
| But if right now, like, during the podcast, like, you know, something happened and God came down, I wouldn't be like, fuck, you ever read Sam Harris? | ||
| You're not real. | ||
| I'd be like, I was wrong, you know? | ||
| Yeah, you know what, man? | ||
| Sam Harris is a friend of mine, and Sam Harris is a brilliant guy, but Sam Harris doesn't know exactly how the universe works either. | ||
| But to say you're an atheist, when you see these guys who are these string theorists dudes, these guys who are working on trying to decipher the very matter that That constitutes the universe. | ||
| They're trying to figure out at the very heart of it. | ||
| They're finding these mathematical computations. | ||
| They're finding these mathematical patterns in nature. | ||
| We know that in the Fibonacci sequence, even the design of faces and sunflowers. | ||
| There's an actual formula, a numerical formula to all of this, and they're not exactly sure what that means. | ||
| It could mean that there's some sort of a spiritual or guiding energy or ethic at the end of the universe. | ||
| I have the answer. | ||
| I have the meaning of life you're about to do on the show. | ||
| First of all, the first part of the meaning of life is, Sam, don't. | ||
| Torture's bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Torture's totally bad. | |
| So is racial profiling. | ||
| Oh, for Sam Harris? | ||
| Sam, just if you're listening. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| You're a smart guy. | ||
| I love letter to Christian Asian. | ||
| Eh, racial profiling, not good. | ||
| Alright, my meaning of life. | ||
| Act like you don't know. | ||
| And just be fucking deep. | ||
| Like look, there is more harm in living like there is a God than there isn't. | ||
| So it's cool to not be sure. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| There's more harm in living like there is a God. | ||
| There's more potential to be harmed. | ||
| I so disagree with that. | ||
| I think for a lot of people it actually works as a scaffolding and then Christianity and the idea of being a good person and being a good Christian and Christian values and And treating your brother as if you were yourself, that is in the Bible, man. | ||
| Well, but something that Sam has said, but I mean, there's also, you know, if you're selfish, you're gonna go to hell. | ||
| Like, if you don't believe in Jesus, you'll be slain by the sword. | ||
| Well, if you wear two different types of cloth, you go to hell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about that? | |
| But I think that, like, I didn't need the Bible To tell me not to be an asshole. | ||
| Like, good fiction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You didn't. | |
| You didn't. | ||
| But maybe there's a dude who has a 9-volt battery brain. | ||
| And he does. | ||
| He needs it. | ||
| He needs... | ||
| And look, you know, we don't necessarily all go into this life with the same equipment. | ||
| And there's a lot of people that, for whatever reason, it makes them feel better. | ||
| It makes their life better. | ||
| The whole ball of wax. | ||
| The whole ball of Christianity. | ||
| Well, this is what I was saying about the agnostic thing, though, is, so for them, cool, right? | ||
| Like, they're not hurting anyone. | ||
| If they don't hate the gays because of it or think of a fucking cell as a baby or whatever, fine. | ||
| But I think when you're kind of teetering, like, I've seen friends of mine And family members who have, and I've done this, who when I thought there was a God, I was less charitable. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| You were less charitable? | ||
| Because there was a part of me, but I was also fucking poor. | ||
| But you were also, probably you were young too. | ||
| Yeah, but there was also, but I would tell myself, I remember specifically like walking by people that maybe now would give money to, maybe I wouldn't, but I'd walk by someone and it'd be like, well, God will take care of it, right? | ||
| Or like overseas, like, well, God won't. | ||
| Let this happen, even though there have been so many wars and plagues and all this stuff. | ||
| And then once I was like, you know what? | ||
| There's probably not a God. | ||
| Let's just live like there's not one. | ||
| I actually took all those cliches about, you know, live every day like it's your last and stuff like that. | ||
| I started listening to them where I'm like, I'm just going to try to be a good person because this is probably it. | ||
| And if it's not, fucking bonus, right? | ||
| Like if there's a heaven and there's a God and I found out I was wrong, I'm not going to be like, fuck you, motherfucker, and like charge him, swing it. | ||
| I'm going to be like, awesome. | ||
| Because... | ||
| And don't get me wrong, like I... When I was on stage making fun of religion, literally on stage making fun of organized religion, I still believed in a God. | ||
| Like, I remember I consider myself agnostic, but my wife was the first atheist I ever met. | ||
| And so I was like, so you're agnostic? | ||
| And she goes, I'm an atheist. | ||
| And even though I was on stage criticizing religion... | ||
| Sounds like a match made in heaven. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| The child... | ||
| Let's get together and murder some lettuce. | ||
| You don't do that. | ||
| You hunt Christians when you're an agnostic and an atheist. | ||
| But there was part of me in my head that I was just like... | ||
| When she told me that, I got really scared. | ||
| And I was like, but you're gonna go to hell. | ||
| And I was on stage. | ||
| I didn't think I believed in it for real. | ||
| But religion was so powerful. | ||
| And even if you don't grow up that religious, when you grow up, even people who consider themselves an atheist, they still remember just like... | ||
| I mean, threatening a child with hell? | ||
| Like, that's some scary fucking shit. | ||
| You don't have to tell me, man. | ||
| I grew up Catholic. | ||
| I went to Catholic school for a year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's terrible. | |
| You will never feel like you're not in the way. | ||
| Yeah, when you go to Catholic church and Catholic school, especially like in fucking Harrison, New Jersey, Like, this is some dark shit going on. | ||
| There's not a lot of happiness. | ||
| There's no fucking sunny days when you get out of that place. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, so what I was going to say about... | ||
| Belief systems. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So I know people who aren't religious. | ||
| They're certainly not homophobic. | ||
| I mean, I'm sorry. | ||
| They don't go to church, but they believe in God. | ||
| And a lot of times, like, you know, they've used that sort of as an excuse for like, let's say they have like a drug relapse or an alcohol relapse. | ||
| They're like, well, maybe God had another plan for me. | ||
| Yeah, but just because someone uses it in a weak way doesn't discount them using it in a positive way. | ||
| And that's why I'm saying, like, if you, again, if you're a good person because you're religious or you're a good person and you're an atheist, like, great, do your thing. | ||
| But when it came to being agnostic, I would rather live like there is no God. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm just going to try to be a good person for the right reasons. | ||
| Not because I want to get fucking rewarded in heaven where I can see all my dead cats and eat pancakes or whatever the fuck people think heaven is. | ||
| And not because I'm scared to burn to hell. | ||
| I want people to be decent people to be decent fucking people. | ||
| Well, it makes life nicer. | ||
| That's really where it's at. | ||
| People don't understand that you can... | ||
| Have you ever been at a party where you're hanging out with all your best friends and you're sitting by the pool, some music is playing, maybe you have a couple of drinks and everybody's having a good fucking time and everybody's being nice to each other. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like you love having a good party, right? | ||
| Well, life could be a fucking party, stupid. | ||
| It really can be. | ||
| You just got to be a nice person and surround yourself with other people. | ||
| That are trying to be a nice person as well. | ||
| Take responsibility for your own fucking actions. | ||
| Get your shit together. | ||
| Contribute your part so that everybody feels good about the interactions with you. | ||
| Give people more than you think they deserve just so they feel better about it. | ||
| And if you can do that, if you can figure out how to do that, you can have a good life. | ||
| This is actually awesome that you said that because I wanted to bring this up. | ||
| When you wrote that thing on jujitsu... | ||
| That kind of went viral about ego and jujitsu. | ||
| I actually didn't rate it. | ||
| I said it. | ||
| It was when I got my black belt. | ||
| I did like a little speech because you have to do a speech. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So when that went – when someone printed it and like people started to pass it around, I'm like at least Marcello School in New York. | ||
| I'm like I think like jujitsu schools worldwide were like fucking rejoicing. | ||
| Everyone was so happy about it and – I really do believe... | ||
| What I said is that I meet a lot of people through jujitsu that are really fucking cool. | ||
| And one of the reasons is that their ego gets confronted with reality on a daily basis. | ||
| When you do jujitsu, you're basically battling to the death. | ||
| I mean, that's what you're doing. | ||
| You're trying to arm bar each other. | ||
| It's very technical. | ||
| You're trying to use your technique in an intelligent manner. | ||
| You're trying to pace your body in an intelligent manner. | ||
| It's a very real scenario. | ||
| And when you tap or when you get dominated or even when you defeat someone, you learn something from the process. | ||
| You grow and develop. | ||
| And it is real and concrete. | ||
| If a guy taps you, it is real and concrete. | ||
| There's no getting around it. | ||
| He got you, and that was it. | ||
| Well, that's what I love about it. | ||
| People don't have that in real life. | ||
| Even in other arts, if you're a shitty musician, you can tell yourself that people don't get you and that you're trying to do something. | ||
| But if you get choked out, you have to tap. | ||
| If you're a bad comedian, again, you can blame the audience or whatever. | ||
| But when it's you who physically has put yourself in a position... | ||
| We're vulnerable to a submission. | ||
| Someone's locked it on. | ||
| Then you have to take your hand and say, I give up. | ||
| There's no talking out of that. | ||
| And what's so interesting to me, especially having a really liberal base, is sometimes, and this is when I get the most furious on Twitter, or when people are like, oh, you're a vegan, but you support human cockfighting. | ||
| You support this fucking blood sport. | ||
| You support MMA. And... | ||
| You know, what's so upsetting is the vegan argument is ridiculous. | ||
| One of the best fighters in the world is a vegan. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| Matt Danzig's a vegan. | ||
| Chickens don't get fucking fighter of the night award. | ||
| Dustin Poirier just tweeted that he's six days without the shit, right? | ||
| Chickens can suck it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about that? | |
| At least give them a shot against the farmers. | ||
| Just, all right, you can try to fight your way out, chickens. | ||
| But what's so interesting to me is like... | ||
| The hardcore lefties who come at you for your interests. | ||
| Yeah, I guess you're not really a hardcore lefty. | ||
| You're always going to find really fucking negative people in every walk of life. | ||
| But what's so interesting, tying into what you wrote, is like, so this week I competed in IBJJF. You won a bronze medal, right? | ||
| I did! | ||
| It was my first competition. | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| What belt are you right now? | ||
| I turned 30 and I was like, I'm going to start fucking competing. | ||
| What belt are you? | ||
| I just got my blue. | ||
| I only started doing gi like last year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's beautiful. | |
| You just got your blue belt? | ||
| Dude, whatever you do, man, please stick to that. | ||
| I know you were trying to do some... | ||
| Thai boxing and stuff like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| I had the one Thai boxing fight. | ||
| It went great. | ||
| And I'm like, I don't want to get punched in the face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you win? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| But I was like... | ||
| Stop that. | ||
| Someone's going to hurt you. | ||
| No, I'm better at more Thai. | ||
| I don't even like training anymore. | ||
| I just loved... | ||
| The reason I love Jiu-Jitsu, I just love Jiu-Jitsu culture. | ||
| And kind of... | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| In retrospect, or rather in comparison, I grew up in a kickboxing culture. | ||
| I grew up in Muay Thai and boxing and Taekwondo. | ||
| And it is a more douchey world. | ||
| And the reality is, because first of all, you don't spar hard every day. | ||
| You don't go at it every day. | ||
| And in jiu-jitsu, you go at it every day. | ||
| And every day, you risk getting tapped. | ||
| And lots of times, you don't spar at all. | ||
| And you just do pad work. | ||
| And it's a glorified cardio kickboxing class. | ||
| And when you do spar, you don't go full out. | ||
| You shouldn't. | ||
| You certainly shouldn't. | ||
| If we were supposed to spar and I tried to attack you, I would be an asshole. | ||
| You'd be like, dude, slow the fuck down. | ||
| Because you're not learning anything when you're going to war like that. | ||
| What you're doing is just covering up. | ||
| I rarely have to say that in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| In kickboxing, I've had to be like... | ||
| Tell me if we're in a real fight, because if we're in a real fight, I'm going to hit you as hard as you're hitting me, and I'm going to not get the fuck out. | ||
| People are hitting you in jiu-jitsu? | ||
| Oh, no, no, no, in kickboxing. | ||
| Oh, in kickboxing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Where it's, yeah, the level of spazziness. | ||
| Yeah, because in jiu-jitsu, I welcome spazzes, because you need to know that a guy can do that. | ||
| Well, because that's jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's using leverage and being smaller and, like, getting around that big spazzy guy. | ||
| No, not even that. | ||
| I mean, someone going... | ||
| Fucking crazy using all their might right away, which a good guy never does. | ||
| A good guy will lock up to you like maybe 30% and then you start moving with each other and he's looking for advantages, but he's not going to do anything stupid. | ||
| No one kicks my ass more than Marcelo Garcia and his black belt. | ||
| And I'll just do this thing where you literally feel like You're like, am I? Because it's just like Gumby arms. | ||
| And you're like, am I about to get a lock up? | ||
| He's on my back. | ||
| And you don't even know how it happened. | ||
| And there was zero fucking strength used. | ||
| What I love so much about it is, so I trained with Marcelo in New York. | ||
| But because the competition was in Las Vegas, I went out to Robert Drysdale's place. | ||
| And Drysdale's, like, super political, one of the smartest guys I know, one of the best jiu-jitsu players in the world. | ||
| And there was part of me that was nervous, like, you know, because I didn't know how politics worked. | ||
| I've only started really traveling and training in other schools. | ||
| So I had, like, my Marcelo Garcia Gi because it was the only fucking Gi I had. | ||
| Drysdale's fucking fought Marcelo. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And not only did him and the people my age and the people who were at my belt and the people who may at the time didn't know were going to be competing in my division, but they just instantly treated me like such a fucking family member. | ||
| I mean, Robert cornered me. | ||
| And I go, dude, I have like Marcelo's gi I'm like registered under. | ||
| And he goes, I don't care. | ||
| He's like, you're my fucking friend. | ||
| I'm going to corner you. | ||
| And he cornered me. | ||
| And... | ||
| What's so funny is if people walked by that school or those lefties on Twitter or not even lefties, just people who don't get MMA, who call it a blood sport, maybe if you walked by during a sparring session, you'd be like, wow, that looks fucked up and scary because dudes are like jumping on each other's backs and driving each other into the walls and shit. | ||
| But when you go in there, I'm like, there is more camaraderie there that I've experienced in comedy, that I've experienced in a lot of these liberal get-togethers. | ||
| And what's so ironic and so frustrating, and maybe this goes back to maybe this is what people need to do to treat people decently, is there are people of all fucking nationalities, religious beliefs, political beliefs, strengths, weaknesses, builds, and you fucking roll with someone for the first time. | ||
| If you've just met someone, you shake their hand, and you have like a killer role, like a back and forth, and like both of you almost submit, you like just escape and the bell rings, I'm hugging that dude like he's a fucking long lost relative. | ||
| Oh yeah, man. | ||
| And you don't think twice about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it pisses me off to no end. | ||
| That that is how beautiful and wonderful jujitsu is. | ||
| But some people see it and they're like, it's a fucking blood sport. | ||
| I thought you were liberal. | ||
| I thought you hated violence. | ||
| I see what they're thinking. | ||
| What they're thinking is, in a perfect world, we shouldn't need violence. | ||
| And they are scared of people who are enthusiastic about violence. | ||
| They think it's dangerous. | ||
| And they're scared of people who actively train in something where you're, you know, what you're actively trying to do is figure out a way to harm someone. | ||
| Be a killer, right? | ||
| They're thinking from an evolved mindset, and I totally agree with it. | ||
| However, I'm stuck with this monkey body, okay? | ||
| I'm built like a fucking chimpanzee, and I have testosterone in my system. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Chimpanzee's got to take some limbs off. | ||
| Yeah, well, what it is is you have a fucking ancient body. | ||
| We have these bodies that are 10,000 plus years of whatever we've been doing. | ||
| That's how our DNA is designed to operate and what reward system we operate under. | ||
| We have, like, fucking needs, and one of the needs is men have a desire to prove themselves. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| Whether you want to exist in our society or whether you want to try to make it out on your own. | ||
| Whatever the fuck you're trying to do. | ||
| One of your main desires to stay alive, one of your main focuses is that men have this desire to do at least something special. | ||
| To stand out. | ||
| I went to yoga once for the first time. | ||
| It was like that hot yoga, which is like a fucking nightmare. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| And there was a dude in the class... | ||
| And instantly I'm like, alright, alright motherfucker, let's do this. | ||
| And I was holding the pose incorrectly longer than I should have and just hurting myself. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| And then whenever I'd stop and I'd fuck up my pose, in my head I'd be like, well, kick that guy's ass. | ||
| Yeah, there is that fucking male testosterone ego. | ||
| A lot of it is dumb, but it's also necessary for competition. | ||
| And it's necessary to get better. | ||
| The thing is, you have to learn to get good at it. | ||
| And you have to learn to get good at it with your ego, and that's where jiu-jitsu comes along. | ||
| You develop a healthy... | ||
| Respect for competition. | ||
| Mark Maron was talking once about not being able to, when he was growing up, if he wanted his parents to instill anything in him that they did, is be able to enjoy competition. | ||
| Because he said he grew up, and if he was losing a game, he wanted to flip the board over. | ||
| That was his thing. | ||
| Wait, Mark Maron didn't take losing well? | ||
| The same Mark Maron that I... I mean, that explains so much. | ||
| I mean, it really does about that dude's interactions with people. | ||
| It's like if someone had just taken him to a jiu-jitsu class early on in life and allowed him to experience... | ||
| Losing is a normal part of life. | ||
| It's like, if you don't want to get better, well then, you know, you're not going to... | ||
| If you don't want to get better, then you're not going to take any chances. | ||
| And if you don't take any chances, you're not going to get better. | ||
| But if you take chances, you're going to fail. | ||
| And you have to fail in order to learn how to move forward. | ||
| Well, I was training with Keith Florian, with Kenny's brother, in Boston. | ||
| And we were talking about ego and the times where you don't want to tap and stuff like that. | ||
| And he was like, dude, if you're not tapping, you're not learning. | ||
| And, you know, I've heard lots of jujitsu guys talk about that, and I love that. | ||
| I love a culture where, like, you're encouraged to, like, take these fucking risks, and that you learn, you know, when I lost to the kid who won silver, and it was a really close match, and I lost and I was bummed out for a second and then I went over to Robert and I was like, what happened? | ||
| What could I have done? | ||
| And he told me and I went and fucking wrote it down. | ||
| And I was like, alright, next time. | ||
| That's what it's all about. | ||
| Competition is good. | ||
| Look, there's a lot of guys that I know that can tap me and I like rolling with them. | ||
| I like getting tapped. | ||
| I like to know what they're doing that can get me. | ||
| Oh dude, when someone hits me with an awesome, crazy move, I just start laughing. | ||
| I'm just like, what? | ||
| I just felt some dude on my back and then we rolled over twice and suddenly he has my arm attached to my leg and I'm just like, what? | ||
| What is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jamie, when are you going to fight Daniel Tosh? | |
| I heard he's not the easiest guy to pin down. | ||
| I believe you're not allowed to make eye contact with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did that happen? | |
| Before we get to that, why were you trying to fight some dude who was a congressman or a senator? | ||
| Hold on, let's back that up since it's on tape. | ||
| I was not trying to fight a senator. | ||
| This conservative pundit named Jonah Goldberg And Jonah Goldberg is sort of like the stereotypical fucking huge, out of shape, bully Republican, goes on every fucking news broadcast advocating that we just kill more brown people, but has never served. | ||
| He really says we need to kill more brown people? | ||
| No, but we need to invade Iraq. | ||
| That's a bold motherfucker. | ||
| Invade Afghanistan, invade all these brown-ish places. | ||
| People call him on his shit, but no one really calls him on his shit. | ||
| For example, he still has a career, even though Iraq and Afghanistan failed. | ||
| My whole thing is if you advocate a war that has killed hundreds of thousands of people, that has killed thousands of Americans, at the very least, you should have to, when it comes to the news, sit the next war out. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like a fucking baseball player who fucked up. | ||
| Just sit it out, or at least if he's going to go on TV and talk about how we need to bomb Iran under his name, it should be like, Jonah Goldberg, dude who was wrong about Iraq. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You say he was wrong about Iraq, but they do Hollywood math on it, and they'll tell you that it was a success for democratic societies all over the world because we removed an evil dictator, and now they have a system in place that is far more superior. | ||
| Evil dictators are. | ||
| Look how many people died. | ||
| I mean, the place is a shitstorm. | ||
| Well, I'm not saying that. | ||
| What I'm saying is that a guy like that is never wrong in his eyes. | ||
| If you listen to conservative talk radio, which I do all the time just to go crazy, I listen to Patriot on Sirius. | ||
| They call themselves the Patriot Radio. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| And it's just one dumb idea after another dumb idea about, you know, Christianity and God's law in this world. | ||
| And the thing is, like... | ||
| We also have to remember – let's say even Iraq was a perfect society. | ||
| That's not why we went there. | ||
| We went there because under the rule of law, we said we were attacked. | ||
| We said Iraq was responsible for 9-11. | ||
| I mean we didn't even go over there. | ||
| And it's the same with Iran. | ||
| The people who want more with Iran aren't saying we want to make Iran a democratic society. | ||
| They're saying – these are the same people who hailed the Iranian revolution. | ||
| They're saying that we are a threat or they are a threat to Israel so we need to kill these guys. | ||
| So this guy is talking all this shit. | ||
| Wrote a book called Liberal Fascist. | ||
| And he just gets to keep going on the news, keep writing books with incorrect information. | ||
| So one day he's shitting on young people. | ||
| He's saying that young people are stupid. | ||
| You should raise the voting age. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| Some young people are stupid. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| We should tase young people. | ||
| We should make them read. | ||
| Of course you should have to read it. | ||
| Maybe with an electric chair tied to a video game. | ||
| Once they've read ten books, they're allowed to kettlebell. | ||
| Maybe they get a battle rope if you read three. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so he said that – he said something. | ||
| He said he was joking. | ||
| He probably was. | ||
| Maybe he wasn't. | ||
| Where he goes, kids need – these kids should have the socialism beaten out of them. | ||
| And he used the word beaten out of them. | ||
| Now, you would say, again, me and you listening to that, we wouldn't be like, time to go beat some kids. | ||
| But there was a congressman who last week said that, you know, Muslims are still threatening us every day. | ||
| And in his district, two mosques were attacked, right? | ||
| So it's like, to crazy people, this shit resonates. | ||
| But even if it didn't resonate, it was just another example. | ||
| Well, there's a big difference between kids and a religious faction that's been known to have suicide bombers. | ||
| Don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| I mean to say that kids need to be smacked. | ||
| Socialist kids. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But it was another example. | ||
| Of him being a cunt. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because he's someone else who actually has said the Muslim stuff. | ||
| So it was another example of just him. | ||
| And so all I did was I tweeted him. | ||
| And I said, hey man, sorry about socialism. | ||
| I'm like a socialist-y. | ||
| I'm close. | ||
| I'm not really a socialist. | ||
| But, you know, close enough. | ||
| I'm a 145-pound vegan. | ||
| There's over several tweets. | ||
| You know the joke about how do you tell if someone's vegan. | ||
| What is it you... | ||
| They tell you. | ||
| Wait, they'll tell you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I was like... | ||
| I was like, he'll hate it. | ||
| He's one of the guys who compared, who was like, Hitler was a vegetarian and called vegetarians Nazis. | ||
| Which, by the way... | ||
| But first of all, you didn't expect this guy was really going to fight you. | ||
| Well, here's what I wanted. | ||
| Again, I was talking to my wife to Allison, and I was like, maybe he will, right? | ||
| And she's like... | ||
| Here was either situation. | ||
| Oh, so to finish, I wrote a whole piece for Wonkat about it and Huffington Post interviewed me. | ||
| And essentially what I said was, it can be regulated. | ||
| We'll do it for charity. | ||
| You have about 100 pounds on me. | ||
| I know how to fight, but you can wear headgear. | ||
| I won't wear any headgear. | ||
| It'll be time rounds, referee. | ||
| I'll give it to Palestinians. | ||
| You can buy like an Ayn Rand fuck doll or whatever you guys do with your money. | ||
| And it'll be great. | ||
| And I never was threatening or anything like that. | ||
| And of course it was... | ||
| Tongue in cheek in the sense that one of two things could happen. | ||
| He could be fucking crazy enough to do it, which I doubt it because, again, you look at all these war hawks and these are people who have never served in wars who are sending other kids to go die. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or he's going to have to respond and just be exposed for being a fucking chicken shit, which is what he is. | ||
| He's a fucking chicken shit. | ||
| Well, I like you, Jamie, and that's why I'm going to tell you this. | ||
| I think it was a really dumb idea. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Go for it. | ||
| Because first of all, you opened up the gate, and you said you would like to enact violence on him and kickbox with him. | ||
| You know he's not a skillful addict. | ||
| Agreed upon. | ||
| Agreed upon kickboxing. | ||
| That's not fair at all. | ||
| Not jumping him in an alley. | ||
| Even if he's 100 pounds heavier than you, if you're a skilled fighter and you are and you've been training for a long time, that's not fair. | ||
| Not only is it not fair, it's kind of creepy. | ||
| It's kind of creepy. | ||
| Hold on a second, man. | ||
| For real. | ||
| As a martial artist, you're not picking on another martial artist. | ||
| You're picking on someone who you know is completely athletically inept. | ||
| Someone who I know is not going to take the fight. | ||
| Then don't do it. | ||
| Because then you're opening up the gates to someone wanting to do that to you. | ||
| And then the next thing is, look, you're lefty, vegan, socialist-y bullshit. | ||
| I've had enough of it. | ||
| I'm a 185-pound meat eater. | ||
| How about I come smash your fucking face in? | ||
| Stop giving your followers ideas. | ||
| Why is that happening? | ||
| Why is that happening? | ||
| Because you open up the door to challenging someone to a physical confrontation with violence. | ||
| And that's what kickboxing is. | ||
| Whether it's agreed upon or not, that is what it is. | ||
| I mean, let's be honest with it. | ||
| You're not even talking about jiu-jitsu. | ||
| You're talking about kickboxing. | ||
| Let me tell you something, man. | ||
| You're in a fight, and you're going to hurt somebody. | ||
| You're going to try to kick them, and you're going to try to punch them with all your might. | ||
| You're talking about assaulting a guy because you disagree with him. | ||
| I have had so many people in real life challenge me to fights after shows. | ||
| People that I could take if I was an asshole. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I've never... | ||
| You sure? | ||
| Are you sure that you could take them? | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| By looking at them? | ||
| There were some ragey people. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| I know some ragey people that could wrestle. | ||
| Some tiny... | ||
| And they'll fucking shoot a double on you and smash your face in. | ||
| You'd be shocked. | ||
| Wrestlers are the bane of my existence. | ||
| You'd be shocked at how many people out there who could kick your ass. | ||
| So how do you know? | ||
| You look at Jiu Jitsu. | ||
| I'm like these fucking 5'2 Brazilians who are these crazy black belts. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| But that's one of the reasons that I would never fight. | ||
| I would never fight. | ||
| But you're saying that you know that you could take them but you're being nice and I'm saying you don't know. | ||
| It's being silly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Or I'll get the shit kicked out of me. | ||
| So one of these things will happen. | ||
| Neither of them are great. | ||
| If I get the shit kicked out of me... | ||
| Or even worse, you get in a fucking grueling drawn out brawl where no one can get in and he doesn't want to quit and you got to keep going. | ||
| But does this make it on YouTube and get me more Twitter followers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
But would you fight Tosh? | |
| For real? | ||
| Yes, of course. | ||
| Well, I wanted to point this out first before I went to the Tosh thing. | ||
| So here's what I wanted to say. | ||
| Obviously, this dude is not going to take this fight. | ||
| Obviously, we're not going to fight. | ||
| And in the article I wrote, I was like, I'm not encouraging a society of violence. | ||
| I don't think this is how you handle problems. | ||
| But I just wanted him to have to respond where it's like, if you are going to be the one who starts the violent rhetoric. | ||
| Because at no point did I say, I challenge you to a fight. | ||
| I said, if you want to beat a socialist... | ||
| I will volunteer. | ||
| I understand, but do you not understand that it's a glaring ego situation? | ||
| Of course it is. | ||
| You are putting yourself in this champion role, like you're going to step in, and you're putting so much attention on yourself with a statement like that, and it completely changes just your opinion of what you feel is wrong with his stances. | ||
| And it becomes a personal thing between a man and another man who lives a different way. | ||
| And it takes the attention away from the issue, and it puts the attention on you as some sort of fucking Kim Kardashian figure. | ||
| And it's not the right way to approach it. | ||
| But the only problem was, no one... | ||
| It was the first time that these fucking remarks and things got attention. | ||
| But it didn't get attention. | ||
| It got attention amongst us. | ||
| It didn't get attention in the real world. | ||
| It was a publicity stunt. | ||
| So you're saying by – He's a complete figure of speech. | ||
| How many people have said that? | ||
| These idiots today, they need the fucking sense slapped into them. | ||
| They don't advocate slapping people to make them smarter. | ||
| He said physically, and then he paused and he goes, or literally. | ||
| That's even better. | ||
| But again, to me and you, we see that and we're like, of course, like I said before, you're not going to fucking do it. | ||
| But I mean you look at some of these fucking crazy people. | ||
| You look at like the Moss story. | ||
| You look at a lot of these fucking like right-wing militia types. | ||
| Like they're looking for people to fucking give them permission to do it. | ||
| You look at the abortion clinics. | ||
| And of course I did not think I was going to be the fucking hero. | ||
| There was going to be a fight. | ||
| I was going to make this guy change all of his views. | ||
| All I wanted was finally someone just to be like, if you're going to use this violent rhetoric, just like if you're going to use this violent rhetoric in the Middle East, go fucking over there. | ||
| Go say it to one of their faces. | ||
| Go say it to someone who can actually defend themselves. | ||
| But I don't think that's violent rhetoric. | ||
| I disagree. | ||
| I think it's a figure of speech. | ||
| His career was a violent rhetoric, and that was just the one where I'm like, okay, I can say I volunteer to be the socialist in the tongue-in-cheek fashion. | ||
| I really think you should never do that again. | ||
| Well, that wasn't going to be my bit from now on. | ||
| I'm going to be the guy who challenges people with rights. | ||
| The only reason why people do it is for their own ego. | ||
| I mean, you're involving your own ability to do something, your own physical athleticism, in with some debate where it totally doesn't belong. | ||
| When you do something like that, it becomes an almost indefensible publicity stunt. | ||
| Well, it is one of those things, though, when it's like... | ||
| You're introducing yourself into an argument. | ||
| I mean, it's not like you're even involved in a debate with him. | ||
| But at the same time, like... | ||
| People have to do that. | ||
| People have to, not to that extent I'm saying, but people have to, if there are people in the world who keep espousing violent rhetoric that does have consequences, that does lead us into wars, that does get people hurt, I'm not saying go challenge people to fights or anything like that, but sometimes you do have to do something to draw more publicity than, like if I just tweeted him and I was like, hey man, that's fucked up rhetoric, or hey, I don't think we should have gone to Iraq. | ||
| It wouldn't have gotten as much of the attention as it did. | ||
| Right, but it didn't accomplish anything. | ||
| You're saying you came close to missing. | ||
| It didn't accomplish anything. | ||
| You're saying, well, you came closer to missing this way. | ||
| Of course, but it was a shot. | ||
| And he had to respond, and he finally like… Do you see my point? | ||
| Yes, 100%. | ||
| Does it make you embarrassed? | ||
| A little bit, but at the same time, it's like, I guess I just want an answer of what to do, because I don't like that people can go on publicly and make livings with rhetoric that gets people killed. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| And that gets people hurt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I agree. | |
| So it's like, sure, mine was a silly publicity stunt from a comedian, right? | ||
| You know, did I think Jonah Goldberg would be like, oh, you know, I'm going to open up a shelter for Arabs because, you know, that vegan showed me the way, but... | ||
| You didn't even act as someone who was protesting his point of view. | ||
| You almost act like a heckler. | ||
| No, I mean... | ||
| You acted like someone who introduced yourself into the equation, your own physical prowess into the equation of, listen, if you think you're bad, I'm going to represent socialists and I'm a vegan and I'm a lefty and I'm ready to fight you. | ||
| Because my rhetoric was the same hyperbolic... | ||
| What if he said yes? | ||
| He goes, come on, man. | ||
| You little vegan pussy. | ||
| Let's fucking fight. | ||
| And then you're going to fight and represent him? | ||
| Really? | ||
| If he was that into it. | ||
| You would really do it. | ||
| A headgear for charity? | ||
| If he was that into it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Do you see how that's kind of gross? | ||
| Of course, but that would never happen. | ||
| But it's the exact same as someone writes a blog post, someone writes a response blog post, right? | ||
| I just use the hyperbolic language of fighting, which he was the one who introduced into the conversation. | ||
| It's not really, though. | ||
| He's talking about children having the scent smacked into him, which has been said throughout history. | ||
| It's not a real, it's a figure of speech. | ||
| It was the history of a violent rhetoric. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| And so that was just something where I was like... | ||
| It's hard for people to grasp that. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| When you respond to one thing in particular, it better be warranted because people aren't going to take into account the history of someone's obsession for violence. | ||
| But I mean, it ended like I thought it would end, where it was like... | ||
| It didn't begin. | ||
| He had to respond. | ||
| It was funny. | ||
| No one got hurt. | ||
| No one took it seriously. | ||
| And it was just kind of like, let's just remind people that this guy who has such authority and who go on the news with such authority without people even asking follow-up questions, even being like, you said the same thing about Iraq. | ||
| Do you think Iraq was a successful? | ||
| Blah, blah, blah. | ||
| I mean, this was a guy who said they would be celebrating us in two years. | ||
| Why don't you threaten to fight Ann Coulter? | ||
| That would be a more fair-sized contest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think Daniel Tosh. | |
| You got the referee Joe Rogan here. | ||
| He doesn't like Daniel Tosh. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| It's not that he doesn't like Daniel Tosh. | ||
| That we have to talk about. | ||
| You tweeted a bunch of shit that infuriated comedians when Daniel Tosh said to a woman, she yelled out... | ||
| If you don't know the whole story, this is the exact story. | ||
| Daniel Tosh is on stage. | ||
| And he was talking to the audience about, you know, what should he talk about next, and someone yells out, rape. | ||
| And he goes on, he starts saying, oh, yeah, like, that's funny. | ||
| And, like, what's funny? | ||
| The humiliation? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| The violence? | ||
| He goes on this rant of all the things that are unfunny about rape. | ||
| At which point, some woman yells out, actually, nothing is funny about rape. | ||
| Like, to stop this conversation now, just all self-righteously. | ||
| And he goes, wouldn't it be funny if like five guys raped her right now? | ||
| Which is the comedian thing to say in that scenario and is in no way endorsing rape or rape of this woman. | ||
| But he had just gotten done in her thick fucking stupid head. | ||
| He had just gotten done saying all the things that are wrong with rape. | ||
| And she is so unironically arguing with him still, saying, actually, nothing is funny about rape. | ||
| She's a fucking idiot. | ||
| And then she goes online and writes a blog about it. | ||
| A huge, dumb, stupid, diarrhea-of-the-brain blog about what happened when she heckled Daniel Tosh. | ||
| And he happened to say the one thing that a comedian would say in that scenario. | ||
| When he's saying all these terrible things that are... | ||
| things that are horrible about rape... | ||
| And saying, of course he can't joke about rape because it's nothing funny. | ||
| And then she self-righteously interjects, actually, rape is never funny. | ||
| And he goes, wouldn't it be funny if five guys raped her? | ||
| Okay, that is what started off. | ||
| And you defended that woman. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, man, if you didn't like the Jonah Goldberg thing, prepare to be furious. | ||
| It's always such a wild adventure on Twitter after I do your show because I get half people who I'm either friends or they will be fans for life. | ||
| They're like, bro, I'm a jiu-jitsu guy and I'm really progressive and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And then there's like, hey, vegan queer homo, I work for Blackwater and I'm going to shoot you because I love rape jokes. | ||
| And it's like, oh no. | ||
| So I'm about to get the lash. | ||
| Here's what I think. | ||
| If you talked to me five years ago, maybe even less, I wouldn't have... | ||
| Even thought about defending a heckler, especially because I have been heckled my entire career. | ||
| I'm like, I think the YouTube clip of me with the most hits is me berating, meanly, a guy and a girl heckler. | ||
| On my new CD, I had four dudes who heckled me, and it's a track. | ||
| I just attacked, attacked, attacked. | ||
| And when all I thought about, and when all I obsessed with, and when all I listened to was comedy... | ||
| That was always the most important thing to me, right? | ||
| It was the freedom of speech, which I still believe in. | ||
| It was no one censors a comedian. | ||
| You can make anything funny, which I also still believe. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| No matter how offensive, whether it was the Dane Cook-Aurora joke, whether it was Tracy Morgan, the murdering the gay kid thing, it's just like, dude, comedy is comedy. | ||
| They're experimenting. | ||
| Maybe it wasn't funny, but whatever. | ||
| But just like in a political debate, You know, if you disagree with someone, you challenge them to a fight, and then you get yelled at. | ||
| If you disagree with someone, you should respond, right? | ||
| And I'm not talking about the girl. | ||
| I'm talking about me right now. | ||
| And then I'll talk about the girl, who I also... | ||
| Does not sound like she would be a lot of fun to hang out with. | ||
| And so ever since kind of doing more, reading more politics than comedy... | ||
| Getting involved in just different communities that weren't comedy, whether it's jiu-jitsu, whether it's politics, activism, whatever. | ||
| As much as comedy, I love the art so much, it wasn't this defend to the death thing as much because I saw that the world was bigger than comedy. | ||
| I think there are a lot of comics who think that this is it. | ||
| It's all about the comedy community and this is all we got. | ||
| No matter what we do, we have to defend our own. | ||
| That's a pretty absolute stance to take in this particular situation, though. | ||
| Well, here's what I was going to say. | ||
| Because that's not what anybody's saying. | ||
| No. | ||
| You're sort of building up a straw man defense. | ||
| How so? | ||
| Well, you know, by saying that, you know, by having someone who's arguing already the point that comedy should, that's not what anybody's saying. | ||
| No one is... | ||
| Right now, I'm describing exactly what I used to do. | ||
| What I used to think. | ||
| I mean, me. | ||
| 100% me. | ||
| Okay, so you used to think this way. | ||
| You used to think that comedy is most important, more important than people's happiness or feelings. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| It's comedy. | ||
| Comedy is more important. | ||
| All I knew was comedy... | ||
| When I was not good at comedy. | ||
| But now you disagree. | ||
| And what do you disagree with? | ||
| You think that now a woman should be able to say something stupid and uninformed like that? | ||
| No, I hate hecklers. | ||
| I hate hecklers. | ||
| But you supported her over Daniel Tosh. | ||
| No. | ||
| Here's what I said. | ||
| You support heckling before you support rape culture. | ||
| That's what you said. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Okay, but what does that mean? | ||
| I was heckled. | ||
| For people who make it a free speech issue, of course he has the right to say that. | ||
| Just like... | ||
| He doesn't just have the right to say it. | ||
| It was the thing to say that was funny. | ||
| It's not like we believed in it. | ||
| It's not like we believed he really wanted people to rape her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course not. | |
| He was saying something ridiculous and quick off the top of his head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course not. | |
| Of course not. | ||
| Right, but why did you tweet what you tweeted without saying that? | ||
| Because when... | ||
| There are one in four girls who have been sexually assaulted or raped, and those are just the ones that are reported, right? | ||
| Because it's the most unreported crime we have. | ||
| Because, largely, a lot of people don't take rape seriously. | ||
| There's a lot of victim blaming. | ||
| I wish it was really accurate to describe how many people don't report it, but unfortunately it's not. | ||
| So when you say one in four, there is a lot of fuckery when it comes to numbers like unreported crimes. | ||
| By the way, I'm not saying this in that people are not being victimized. | ||
| They unquestionably are. | ||
| I'm saying that when you get into weird numbers like unreported numbers, there's a reason why you can't use those. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Those are the reported numbers. | ||
| One in four is reported. | ||
| Yes, one in four is reported. | ||
| 25% of all women have been raped. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or sexually assaulted. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Not raped. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Sexually assaulted. | ||
| Are you sure about that? | ||
| Punch it up. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What percentage of women have been sexually assaulted? | ||
| And a lot of them... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not enough. | |
| And a lot of them... | ||
| We all probably, at least statistically, know someone who was. | ||
| There's probably someone in the audience who was. | ||
| And Daniel Tosh... | ||
| I think comedians should push boundaries. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It's close. | ||
| It's one in every six. | ||
| It's 14%. | ||
| 14%. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| 2.8% attempted rape. | ||
| There's a lot of dudes suck at rape. | ||
| And there's a lot of pressure. | ||
| See, you giggled. | ||
| And you made a tagline to it. | ||
| That's rape jokes. | ||
| You just contributed to rape culture. | ||
| Dude, I went on fucking MSNBC and talked about it. | ||
| I did 15 minutes on rape. | ||
| Last night. | ||
| But you see that what you did by saying that you would rather someone heckle you than contribute to rape culture. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What the fuck is rape culture? | ||
| So I still have to explain this, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If we're going to talk about freedom of speech, I, in Texas, had a dude literally run to the stage. | ||
| It was my closing bit too. | ||
| All I had to do was wait 10 fucking seconds and say, I closed on a thing against the war. | ||
| I said, if you keep doing that, I'm going to kick your ass. | ||
| So that's actually like violating freedom of speech. | ||
| This girl fucking heckled, this dumb heckle, and she left. | ||
| This dude is saying, if you keep talking, I'm going to kick your ass. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And I wasn't like, I wish you got fucking shot in a rack. | ||
| I dealt with how the situation was weird. | ||
| Okay, but this is your situation. | ||
| Let's not confuse the issue by bringing in a whole other story. | ||
| No, but I just want to preface it that I fucking loathe hecklers and I've been heckled my entire career. | ||
| That's not just heckling. | ||
| You were threatened. | ||
| I was threatened. | ||
| But I've also been heckled. | ||
| I've had shit thrown at me. | ||
| I'm not a fan of audience participation. | ||
| So why did you support that woman? | ||
| Because to me... | ||
| Rape culture is the fact that Because rape is dealt with so lightly in this country, lots of women don't report it. | ||
| Lots of women don't report simple sexual assault. | ||
| Fucking dude comes up, grabs your tits at a club because she doesn't want to be called a slut. | ||
| She doesn't want to be called drunk. | ||
| She doesn't want to defend herself when she feels like she was assaulted, right? | ||
| And so to me in that moment, as much as I care about comedy, you know, when I started reading... | ||
| A lot of progressive blogs, when they talk about rape, there's something called a trigger warning. | ||
| In the beginning of the article, it says trigger warning. | ||
| And I never knew what that meant, but that means that some girls have been so fucking traumatized or guys have been so traumatized after being raped that they can't read about it. | ||
| They can't read about it. | ||
| They'll have fucking flashbacks, so you have to put this trigger warning. | ||
| On top. | ||
| And so to me, it's like, I don't know, man, if it comes down to, and there were feminists that I went on TV with, like feminist writers who are like demonized as these humorless cunts, who were fucking quoting Sarah Silverman, the Wanda Sykes rape bit, the Carlin rape bit, you know, there are definitely ways to do it. | ||
| But if there's a girl in an audience, even that girl who heckled, if she was fucking raped and even if Tosh is totally 100% kidding, which she was, and says, wouldn't it be funny if five guys rape you? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I do think that that girl having a fucking flashback or any girl in that audience having a fucking rape flashback, I'm like... | ||
| It's not worth a bit. | ||
| And there's so much stuff with rape that you can talk about, that you can make funny. | ||
| And I think that all topics in comedy should be addressed. | ||
| And I think the best comedians are the ones that can address those really edgy topics. | ||
| But if it's going to be like a sloppily, it would be funny if you were raped. | ||
| Well, listen, man, this is not something he's constructing. | ||
| He's responding to someone saying something really stupid about rape that completely limits the amount of subjects he can respond with. | ||
| He has to respond with something that applies to rape. | ||
| But again, I didn't, with the military, there are tons of other comics who have dealt with hecklers who have done it Well, you didn't because someone wanted to kick your ass. | ||
| Someone ran up to the stage and wanted to kick your ass. | ||
| You realized you were in danger. | ||
| That's completely facetious to say that you didn't do it for no more reason. | ||
| And to say that this guy, that his idea, him saying, don't you think it would be funny if five guys raped her like now? | ||
| He's not supporting rape. | ||
| And if you are that sensitive, You do not belong in a comedy club. | ||
| If the word rape will send you into a fucking panic, I feel sad for you. | ||
| You are very unfortunate that this has happened to you. | ||
| Maybe a comedy club is not the best place for you. | ||
| Maybe you should go somewhere else where it is in a 100% uncensored ride through the mind and imagination of Daniel Tosh not to be interrupted by a moron. | ||
| And when that moron does interrupt with something completely non-ironic, Ridiculous. | ||
| He was saying that rape is bad. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But let's say that she was... | ||
| Hypothetically. | ||
| Tough shit. | ||
| Hypothetically, she shut her fucking mouth when she's at a comedy club. | ||
| If you have been traumatized to a situation where you could be fucking enjoying your night at the comedy club, right? | ||
| And I'm not saying this was her. | ||
| We don't know who she is. | ||
| Let's say she was enjoying her night at the comedy club. | ||
| She was raped. | ||
| In a horrible fucking fashion. | ||
| Not that there's like a pleasant way. | ||
| Very unfortunate. | ||
| And if he was saying what he was saying... | ||
| No, and then that just fucking comes out. | ||
| That's just an emotional response. | ||
| You remember like... | ||
| She needs to grow the fuck up. | ||
| And that's when a guy says something like that to you and it's gross and everybody laughs and it's ridiculous. | ||
| When you go home and write a blog, you don't need people supporting you because you're an idiot. | ||
| And that's why it happened. | ||
| But again, that's PTSD shit. | ||
| I'm like, you can't... | ||
| If somebody gets... | ||
| She didn't say in her blog that she was raped. | ||
| She said in her blog that she felt offended that he would joke around about rape. | ||
| No, I was talking about... | ||
| You were saying PTSD. So the hypothetical doesn't work on her. | ||
| I was saying, let's say that girl was. | ||
| Look, if that girl did write that in her blog, it would be a totally different blog. | ||
| By warranting and justifying this moronic opinion on someone Having an ad-lib to deal with a heckler, what you're doing is you're supporting the idea that the positive idea behind not raping someone is more important than a show. | ||
| It's more important than jokes. | ||
| It's more important that you never bring up the idea that rape can be funny. | ||
| Because then you're limiting that topic. | ||
| If rape can ever be funny, it can be funny for a heckler. | ||
| But that's not, again, that's the opposite of what I said right now. | ||
| But if rape can ever be funny, it can be funny when you know, A, someone is not being serious about it, and two, someone is talking about her rape isn't funny. | ||
| That automatically makes it funny. | ||
| If they're a heckler, if a heckler talks about rape not being that funny ever, and then the comic says, wouldn't it be funny if somebody raped her, you know he doesn't mean that. | ||
| His intent is not that a bunch of people should storm and rape, but that is the correct thing for him to say. | ||
| When you're dealing with a nightclub comedian and people are drinking alcohol, that would be funny. | ||
| When I wrote that tweet, that was after... | ||
| Do you see my point at all? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And what's the difference between Miss Rachel Rape listening to this podcast and having a flashback right now? | ||
| We didn't give her any kind of rape warning before we did this podcast. | ||
| All you're talking about rape is trickling. | ||
| This is like crazy rape talk. | ||
| But I'm also not saying like... | ||
| Hey, Rachel, you specifically, I hope you get raped. | ||
| But she also... | ||
| He didn't really mean that she should get raped. | ||
| What he was doing was being a stand-up comedian in a fucking club where one person has to chime in their dumb shit. | ||
| Here's when I wrote that. | ||
| The tweet you... | ||
| When it first happened, I essentially retweeted the article and said something like, Well, that was fucking shitty. | ||
| Because that's how I felt. | ||
| I didn't care that much about it. | ||
| I was like, eh, it's another comic who's, you know, whatever. | ||
| When I started getting really upset and writing the angrier tweets and writing more and more about it… Is it when you listen to people who are reading the tweets and you're like, this is a good opportunity? | ||
| I am so mad right now. | ||
| Maybe I should start a fight with rape? | ||
| Ask Rape if Rape wants to kickbox. | ||
| I just didn't understand why this was like our hill to die on. | ||
| Like, comics don't have fucking health insurance. | ||
| Like, comics have not really united around much. | ||
| And it was just so bizarre. | ||
| Like, people didn't rally around fucking Dane Cook the next week for the Aurora shooting. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, when he made jokes about that. | ||
| Like, there was no big... | ||
| It was just that... | ||
| People were just so... | ||
| The tweets I was getting were crazy. | ||
| I was watching these bloggers who have blogged about being rape survivors, retweeting these amateur comics and people like that who thought if they fucking... | ||
| Tweeted some rape survivor, fucking Daniel Tosh would be friends with them or let them open for them. | ||
| They were tweeting like, I hope you get raped and just like more fucking rape threats. | ||
| Right, well you introduced yourself into the argument. | ||
| Again, you introduced yourself and your opinion into the argument so you were judged. | ||
| You said that you feel that you would rather be heckled than contribute to rape culture. | ||
| You introduced you. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Into the argument. | ||
| So, of course, you're going to get whiplash. | ||
| Of course, you're going to get backlash or blowback. | ||
| No, I'm not saying about me. | ||
| I'm saying that when you have these... | ||
| No, I actually didn't get it that bad. | ||
| I mean, this is the first time I've... | ||
| But you just said you did. | ||
| You were just telling us about... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I said bloggers, feminist bloggers who have written about being rape survivors were getting rape threats. | ||
| But you got a lot of, like, shitty tweets, too. | ||
| I mean, I got some shitty tweets. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| But, like... | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| But you're not shocked. | ||
| It's not about... | ||
| No. | ||
| Because at no point was I trying to make this one... | ||
| The Jonah Goldberg thing was one thing. | ||
| But this I wasn't trying to make about me. | ||
| The Jonah Goldberg? | ||
| That's the other guy? | ||
| That's the dude, yeah. | ||
| I just wanted... | ||
| The people who follow me to know that like... | ||
| Because most comics defended it. | ||
| And so I just wanted girls to know that I'm like... | ||
| You know, if you've been through this... | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I don't think that's funny. | ||
| Rape is never funny. | ||
| Real rape. | ||
| This is just a work. | ||
| It's just a piece of work. | ||
| It's a piece of fiction that he's creating to deal with the environment of a stand-up comedy club where he's being forced to live ad lib. | ||
| But again, when I... We started talking about rape culture. | ||
| It wasn't specifically when I half-heartedly retweeted the Gawker article about Taj. | ||
| It was about the responses that people started to get that were so violent What were they saying? | ||
| That just, like, wrote a piece about it and, like, would contrast, like, what Tosh said to, like, the Wanda Sykes rape joke or the Carlin rape joke. | ||
| And, like, they analyzed it because that's their job. | ||
| You know how fucking dumb they have to be to actually analyze that? | ||
| The whole thing is so simple. | ||
| But I'm like, that's what they do. | ||
| They're media critics. | ||
| They analyze TV. They analyze. | ||
| Like, that's just what they do. | ||
| They write about popular culture. | ||
| And a lot of times they do it because that's their job and they need something to talk about. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they pick a side or they pick a stance and it might not necessarily be logical. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But the response isn't necessarily be like, I'm going to tell that person I hope they get raped. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like that's just one of those things where it's just like – I have written stuff that so many people disagree with. | ||
| I've never gotten rape threats. | ||
| You've probably never gotten rape threats. | ||
| Buckle up, son, because they're on the way. | ||
| You're going to get some death squad rape threats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you've already had seven today. | |
| You haven't checked your Twitter since we've been on this podcast. | ||
| It's coming, son. | ||
| It's just in one big letter. | ||
| It just says rape. | ||
| Rape, rape, rape, rape. | ||
| 140 characters. | ||
| But yeah, man, I'm like, I just don't think we know what that's like. | ||
| Yeah, we don't. | ||
| You know what they don't know what it's like? | ||
| They're almost like trying to get through a fucking show on Friday night and some dummy has to yell out something stupid. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| But again, I'm like, you can deal with that. | ||
| We both deal with that. | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| He dealt with it. | ||
| And in my opinion, he dealt with it the right way. | ||
| And that's not being pro-rape. | ||
| It's just being words. | ||
| These are words. | ||
| It's not actions. | ||
| And it's not in support of rape in any way, shape, or fashion. | ||
| It's a joke. | ||
| And if you can't realize he's joking, you are unfit to listen to other human beings talk. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| If you're influenced by that, if you're influenced by Daniel Tosh saying, would it be funny if she got raped by five people? | ||
| If you were influenced by that, you are clearly mentally incapable of communicating with people. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It should be removed from society. | ||
| Both me and you have heard jokes that were like, that sucks. | ||
| That wasn't a bad joke, dude. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm saying it. | ||
| Everyone is subjective. | ||
| And if you've been through a certain thing in your life, if you've been threatened with rape or if you have been raped or if you've been assaulted or if you live in a culture where a lot of fucking girls are raped that you have to think about walking home by yourself and shit like that, maybe that shit's not as funny to you. | ||
| And that's okay. | ||
| Just like it's okay for him to say what he wants to say, it's okay for that girl to get offended. | ||
| It's okay for me not to think it's fucking funny. | ||
| It's okay for you to think it was the right thing to say. | ||
| Like all of this stuff is fine. | ||
| I'm just saying that if I were given the choice, not in this toss situation because everything I wrote and – You said – dude, you criticized it and said that you sometimes are embarrassed of your gender. | ||
| Of course I am. | ||
| When you have girls that are afraid to go to the fucking park because they're going to get raped, yeah, guys can be fucking creepy, right? | ||
| Yeah, but that's not you. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Hold on, stop. | ||
| First of all, if you say that one in six, does that mean one in six men rape? | ||
| Does it mean that as well? | ||
| Because if that's the case, I'm embarrassed about that part of humanity, but not my fucking gender. | ||
| Joe, you're a comic. | ||
| You've used hyperbole. | ||
| It's fucking Twitter. | ||
| Exactly, which is why him saying that someone being raped by five people being funny should also... | ||
| Did he say seven? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seven. | |
| No, he said five. | ||
| Tosh said five. | ||
| I was waiting for you to be like... | ||
| Oh, you had to insert that seven, you fucking... | ||
| Hit you with a water bottle. | ||
| It's his new thing. | ||
| He says seven all the time. | ||
| There was part of me hoping that you would be like, seven? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| He's a child. | ||
| He's a child. | ||
| I work with a child. | ||
| I was semi-praying for him to say seven. | ||
| And you'd be like, seven? | ||
| Oh, that's fucked up. | ||
| You saying that, that I should be able to recognize her verbally, why don't you recognize it with Tosh saying you should be raped by five people? | ||
| I do. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Because I'm a fucking comedian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Then why are you ever supporting Because I recognize it. | ||
| Me, personally. | ||
| Just like you recognize it, just like I recognize that religion is silly, you do. | ||
| So you're protecting the world from idiots being influenced by Tosh. | ||
| I'm not protecting the world. | ||
| I'm voicing my opinion that if I had the choice between there's a fucking rape survivor there who could get a triggered flashback or talk about rape in a different way because, again, I don't think it's fucking funny. | ||
| I've already burned the comedy bridges. | ||
| You might as well go all the way with it. | ||
| I don't think it's funny to... | ||
| Personally, I think it's easy and I think it's a cop-out to joke about people who are already shit on. | ||
| To me, I don't think it's edgy. | ||
| I don't think you can compare rape jokes to fucking prior. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's not shit on. | |
| That woman's not shit on. | ||
| Rape survivors. | ||
| Okay, but you're saying rape survivor when he made a rape joke. | ||
| She's not a rape survivor, man. | ||
| No, I'm saying in the audience. | ||
| But she's the victim. | ||
| She's the person who got said that word to. | ||
| What about the audience right now of this podcast, though? | ||
| I don't get that. | ||
| There's tons of fucking people probably sitting around shaking. | ||
| Yeah, you don't have a problem with that. | ||
| This is a bullshit argument. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Because we're actually, like, talking about the issue. | ||
| Because it's an issue that's important to be talked about. | ||
| Again, I didn't read anyone, and I certainly wasn't saying anyone. | ||
| You can't talk about rape. | ||
| Don't say the word rape. | ||
| Murder is horrible. | ||
| Robbery is horrible. | ||
| Armed robbery, car robbery, everything is horrible. | ||
| It doesn't mean that just because it exists, you can never talk about it because out of fear that someone in the audience may have experienced it. | ||
| When someone gets fucking murdered, you're not like, what was he wearing before he got murdered? | ||
| Like, rape is the one thing. | ||
| Listen, that's bullshit. | ||
| Because if someone gets murdered, Someone can say, you shouldn't have been in there. | ||
| You shouldn't have been in that neighborhood. | ||
| And what if the person who knows the person who's been murdered who had to work in a bad place to support their family hears you say that? | ||
| It's the same fucking subject. | ||
| When you're joking around on stage, especially in a situation where Tosh did, where it's a complete ad lib, for you to analyze it in that way and come up with he's contributing to rape culture is preposterous. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I still stand by it because I just don't give a shit Again, in comparison, and this isn't a heckler issue for me anymore. | ||
| I don't like people who heckle, right? | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| And I don't think that Daniel Tosh wanted that girl to get raped, right? | ||
| But I just don't give a shit about comedy enough that if I'm on stage and I say something that could cause someone in the audience or multiple people in the audience because I'm not doing it in a way that's attacking, I don't know, like a higher – like no one is sitting around being like, you know who's had it too good for too long? | ||
| Rape victims. | ||
| Like I wish someone would fucking talk about them. | ||
| Like I just think – There are smarter ways to fucking do it, and I'm not a fan of it. | ||
| What if he said, I would hope that chimps would eat your face? | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| Well, because we don't have a history of women getting... | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| One in six girls haven't had their face eaten up by chimps. | ||
| What if that woman in the audience was in the audience who got her face eaten up by a chimp, and everybody laughed? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at me. | |
| Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. | ||
| That would be so funny if she got her face bitten off by a chimp. | ||
| We don't fucking live in a world where women are afraid to go to the police to report a fucking chimp incident because they're going to be like, well, did you used to fuck the chimp? | ||
| Were you drinking when you were getting together with the chimp? | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| And that is, to me, when I say culture, I'm not talking about Daniel Tosh. | ||
| I'm not talking about a comic who talks about rape. | ||
| I'm saying that it was just so fucking bizarre to me. | ||
| That with all of the shit that comics have not gathered around, that it was like the rape joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not what they gathered around. | |
| I don't know, man. | ||
| No, they gathered around someone protesting him shutting down a heckler. | ||
| And saying that rape is completely off subject. | ||
| But how is he getting... | ||
| Why was she yelling out anything? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No one said that. | |
| She's a moron. | ||
| I went on the fucking liberal station. | ||
| She's a moron. | ||
| Hosted by... | ||
| Hold on, wait. | ||
| I went on a liberal station. | ||
| That's why it happened. | ||
| That's why the whole thing happened. | ||
| She's a moron. | ||
| Hecklers are morons. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Not only is she a heckler... | ||
| She's a heckler that didn't even understand what he was saying. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But again, if I were raped... | ||
| Maybe I would act quickly and hastily about a subject that's affected my life so much in such a tragic way. | ||
| And again, I don't want to make this – That's a maybe if I was. | ||
| She didn't write that in her blog and that's what everybody responded to. | ||
| It became an issue because she wrote this blog. | ||
| That's why it became an issue. | ||
| But not sending the blog off to these websites. | ||
| It was her fucking personal blog. | ||
| Yeah, but it fucking became viral. | ||
| And that's why it became an issue that you talked about. | ||
| But again, you keep saying that I don't think rape should ever be mentioned. | ||
| But you're saying that you think rape can be funny, right? | ||
| You think that Wanda Sykes can say it and make it funny? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Okay, why didn't Tosh make it funny there? | ||
| It sounded funny to me. | ||
| Because it was used in the same way that rape is used, in the sense just to shut someone up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was. | |
| Rape is not used to shut people up. | ||
| That's a crazy way to shut people up. | ||
| It's a power. | ||
| If you don't shut up, I'm going to rape you. | ||
| No, but I mean, it's psychologically been proved that it's not about being horny. | ||
| It's a crime. | ||
| It's a psychological crime. | ||
| That's a crazy comparison, and I don't buy that either. | ||
| It's about both. | ||
| If it was just about controlling someone, they would hold you down. | ||
| They'd fuck you because... | ||
| It's power and sexual at the same time. | ||
| People have some creepy thing when it comes to being physically overpowering a person and fucking them and having sex with them. | ||
| My whole thing is like, I'm a comic. | ||
| I've been heckled. | ||
| I know what it's like to be heckled. | ||
| I'm not a female. | ||
| I haven't been raped. | ||
| I don't know what it's like. | ||
| And if it comes down to a fucking dude who was not censored, who still has his number one show on Comedy Central, who still plays at the club, no one... | ||
| A lot of people wanted him censored. | ||
| A lot of people wanted him fired, they called for him to get fired. | ||
| I didn't at all. | ||
| Yeah, you didn't, but you did support this. | ||
| I didn't call a fucking station, because it's not my fucking job to support a comic just because I happen to be a comedian when I don't... | ||
| But you said he's contributing to rape culture. | ||
| I think that whole situation, 100%. | ||
| I think what we're doing, I think right now, making... | ||
| Putting the onus on women that they're uptight bitches. | ||
| Do you know what a slippery slope this is? | ||
| That you are literally condoning censorship? | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| You're saying that people's words can affect actions. | ||
| So you're saying someone completely joking around about rape can support rape. | ||
| It is ridiculous. | ||
| It is a ridiculous statement. | ||
| But that's not at all what I'm saying. | ||
| That's what you're saying. | ||
| That is what you're saying. | ||
| Listen, man, if you say that he's contributing to rape culture by saying that with his mouth, by joking around in a way that absolutely we all know he wasn't serious, five guys are just going to jump out and rape better. | ||
| Yeah, that would be funny. | ||
| That's not what he's saying. | ||
| He's making a joke. | ||
| And you're saying that contributes to rape culture. | ||
| So what you're saying is his words should be censored because they contribute to rape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullshit. | |
| You're saying they contribute to rape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullshit. | |
| Because I never said, take him off the air. | ||
| I never said, so he has to stop. | ||
| But you're still saying he contributes to rape. | ||
| No, I didn't say he contributed to rape. | ||
| To rape culture. | ||
| Right, because what fucking happened? | ||
| And what does that mean if he's not contributing to rape? | ||
| You go on fucking Twitter during those days and all of his fans started threatening girls with rape. | ||
| That's fucking rape culture. | ||
| Rape culture is women being in constant fucking fear. | ||
| Because dudes are fucking threatening them. | ||
| Because dudes are writing and saying, well, I see where you fucking live and I'm gonna rape you. | ||
| That is rape culture. | ||
| That's not a culture, dude. | ||
| That's idiots. | ||
| This idea that he is somehow or another contributing to that by even mentioning the word rape. | ||
| You can't stop someone from being a fucking idiot. | ||
| And by not saying a joke about a subject doesn't keep other morons from using that subject whenever they freely want. | ||
| It's just it comes up at any time they're allowed to have their reactions and start saying, oh, I'm going to fucking rape you, bitch. | ||
| That doesn't mean you should never talk about rape. | ||
| And so for you to say that in that moment he shouldn't bring it up because he's contributing to a bunch of fucking apes yelling rape at women on Twitter or Facebook or whatever, they're completely unrelated. | ||
| Completely unrelated. | ||
| Those dudes would not have done it if there wasn't so much fucking support. | ||
| No, those dudes would not have done it if there wasn't a fucking blog written by some one woman who all of a sudden everybody and you had to comment on. | ||
| And then it becomes a part of the national discourse. | ||
| It's the same shit where it's like it's her fucking fault. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Well, it's true. | ||
| It is her fault. | ||
| She should have shut her fucking mouth, one, and she should not run a dumb blog about it. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| A diarrhea of the mouth blog about it where she didn't take any personal accountability for interrupting a show with a fucking rabid stand-up comedian in mid-stride in his fucking prime on stage in Hollywood on a Friday night or a Saturday night, whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| I don't know, dude. | ||
| What it is, okay? | ||
| She's interrupting the show. | ||
| You're caught in the crossfire. | ||
| You took a hit. | ||
| It wasn't real, dummy. | ||
| If he said he hopes a unicorn comes down and drowns you with his piss, is that real? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| We're not talking reality here. | ||
| We're talking jokes. | ||
| One in 12 girls has been drowned by a unicorn. | ||
| Unicorn piss. | ||
| Unicorn piss. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| It's nonsense. | ||
| It's nonsense. | ||
| And how many of these people that unreported, like the one out of seven or whatever people, you know, didn't report it because they had orgasms? | ||
| There could be some kind of weird fucking number like that in there that just totally voids the whole number anyway. | ||
| Well, that might not be it. | ||
| I'm just going to let that hang. | ||
| Jamie, I think if anything makes people say stupid shit like I hope you get raped, it's when people stand up for someone who says something like rape should never be talked about. | ||
| Or like rape shouldn't have been discussed. | ||
| You keep saying I said that. | ||
| I didn't say you. | ||
| You're talking about a rape culture. | ||
| So whenever you step in and say I support this over rape culture... | ||
| There's a bunch of idiots who... | ||
| You're introducing yourself into the sea of humanity. | ||
| And you're shocked when some people bounce back at you. | ||
| You're shocked because that's what you're doing. | ||
| You're introducing your ideas. | ||
| You're acting like one of five comedians who said something that we're the reason that these girls started getting rape threats. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's not what I'm saying at all. | ||
| I'm saying that you said that Daniel Tosh contributes to rape culture. | ||
| That whole situation I thought did. | ||
| You know what did? | ||
| You entering the discourse. | ||
| That actually contributed to people who get annoyed at lefty vegans and they want to go, you fucking queer hope you get raped. | ||
| Those people were going to do that shit anyway. | ||
| Isn't that your rape culture though? | ||
| They weren't saying that to me. | ||
| They were saying that to fucking girls. | ||
| I'm sure they said it to you. | ||
| Check your timeline, son. | ||
| Well, now they are. | ||
| I'm sure they said it then. | ||
| I'm sure a certain amount of people who read what you said had some sort of a negative response to you. | ||
| There's no denying that. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Luckily, a lot of your people who are mad at me, I checked my Twitter, they're not putting a period before my name, so it's only going to me. | ||
| It's like, Jamie Kilstein, hey everyone, you're an idiot. | ||
| Oh, they have to put a period before you, otherwise it only goes, yeah. | ||
| I think they want to talk to you, dude. | ||
| Although this one's kind of funny. | ||
| Jamie Kilstein beat me up in a kickboxing match and then raped me, and then hashtag the rape culture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But do you feel me on this, man? | ||
| I'm trying to put some sense into your head because you're being silly. | ||
| And you're opening yourself up to unwarranted and unnecessary criticism. | ||
| It can be avoided. | ||
| It can all be avoided by being a little bit harder on yourself, man. | ||
| And not introducing yourself into these things. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| And, so, I mean, your people already think... | ||
| This is not my people, man. | ||
| I'm not running a cult. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I don't have... | ||
| We're by the town. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| We should go to Portland, right? | ||
| I got way too many... | ||
| I'm thinking about starting a cult in Portland. | ||
| That's the place to do it. | ||
| You got way too many what? | ||
| I have way too many people who were raped who tweeted me and was like, I'm glad to see that I commented and think it was funny. | ||
| They'll be happy if you talk about fucking water sucking. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| You talk about a certain amount of things as going to be a giant group of people that support you. | ||
| It doesn't mean that you're right. | ||
| We're going to disagree on this, right? | ||
| For sure, disagree on this. | ||
| Every fucking comedian in the world disagrees with you. | ||
| But I'm like, I don't care. | ||
| You know what that is, though. | ||
| As a comic, you understand what's going on. | ||
| It's not that comedy means much to you. | ||
| It's inhuman interaction, man. | ||
| It's when you're in a movie and some guy's on his fucking phone talking. | ||
| Shut up, bitch. | ||
| You're fucking up the show. | ||
| It's real simple. | ||
| What Tosh did is stop what was fucking up the show. | ||
| It had nothing to do with rape or contributing to rape culture. | ||
| But again, when something like what you just said happens, people don't galvanize around that. | ||
| They shouldn't! | ||
| They should galvanize around putting a picture of her and say, see this bitch? | ||
| She doesn't understand humor. | ||
| She can't take a joke. | ||
| So she'd be a photo of her with a red line across her face until you can come in and explain to us that you're sorry, that you didn't understand how he was joking around about how nothing can be funny about rape, and you just... | ||
| Blurted it out because you're a self-righteous dummy who thinks that you should be able to espouse your politically correct opinions at any fucking time they're warranted in your silly little fucking dumb mind, including hijacking a fucking comedy club, you're not capable of handling a comedy club. | ||
| You shouldn't be there. | ||
| Just like if your ears hurt when things are loud, you shouldn't go to a fucking rock club. | ||
| If you're scared of violence, you shouldn't sit front row at a UFC fight. | ||
| It's all the same. | ||
| It's not like we should nerf the world to make it safe for everybody. | ||
| If you don't enjoy someone talking about controversial shit, you certainly shouldn't go to an adult nightclub that's doing stand-up comedy. | ||
| Or a guy like Daniel fucking Tosh, who has one of the most edgy shows on TV, period, is doing his stand-up. | ||
| And he makes a joke because you heckle. | ||
| And that joke happens about what you heckled about. | ||
| You can't feel like you're a victim. | ||
| Because you're not a victim. | ||
| You're a dummy who doesn't belong in a comedy club. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, again, I'm not... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to see Guns N' Roses and my ears hurt. | |
| You're stupid. | ||
| If your ears are sensitive, you don't stand next to the fucking speaker. | ||
| If you don't like watching dudes get their ass kicked, don't go to a UFC fight. | ||
| If you don't like black people, don't watch basketball. | ||
| It's really simple. | ||
| It's really simple. | ||
| And when you introduce yourself, if you introduce yourself into the equation like that woman did, you gotta take the hit! | ||
| You gotta take the hit! | ||
| But again, like, you thought it was, you know, and we were talking about how good it is when people stand up and protest these fucking politicians and stuff. | ||
| You disagree with this. | ||
| So of course you... | ||
| And again, I disagree with the heckling. | ||
| This isn't a stand-up comedy show. | ||
| This isn't someone dictating policy or changing the way people live their lives. | ||
| It's someone who's cracking jokes on stage trying to make people laugh. | ||
| It's someone who interrupts that process because they're dumb. | ||
| And I hate that. | ||
| You're crazy for supporting. | ||
| You're fucked up. | ||
| You should have wrote something a lot more detailed then. | ||
| You should explain yourself in great depth. | ||
| That is 140 characters on Twitter. | ||
| You should do it on Twitter. | ||
| You should link to a blog because this is something that can't be covered in this short attention span. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But then you get mad at people who write blogs. | |
| No, I get mad at people who write dumb blogs. | ||
| I love well-written, honest blogs. | ||
| I get mad at dumb people who heckle and write a blog about how they're shocked. | ||
| That someone could joke around about that. | ||
| By the way, I heard the joke killed. | ||
| I heard most of the audience laughed really hard. | ||
| They thought it was hilarious. | ||
| Because... | ||
| You know why? | ||
| It was. | ||
| That's because. | ||
| Because it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, check this out though. | |
| Someone told me to play this. | ||
| Joy Reid. | ||
| Alright! | ||
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who here does rape jokes? | |
| Well, I would say, backing up completely, I would like to argue the point that that wasn't even a joke. | ||
| He was making a statement. | ||
| So, you're at a comedy club, you're making a statement. | ||
| It's fair game for an audience member to go... | ||
| I disagree with your statement because there's been varying reports on this. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| That's Liz Winstead talking, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have more about that later. | |
| Especially when talking about it from a comics lens. | ||
| And he said that Daniel Tosh got on stage and said, what would you guys like to talk about? | ||
| Now that opens up a conversation with your audience. | ||
| And somebody yelled rape. | ||
| And I don't know if it was this woman or someone else said, no, rape jokes are never funny. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, boom, if that happened, then yeah, you ask the audience what they thought and people said something. | ||
| Okay, pause that, pause that right there. | ||
| Pause that right there. | ||
| Because first of all, she's not... | ||
| She's not telling the truth because she's omitting a very important part of why he said that to her and she's doing that to make her point make more sense. | ||
| She omitted the fact that he was saying, oh yeah, rape is real funny. | ||
| Like, what's funny about rape? | ||
| Is it the humiliation? | ||
| Is it the violence? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop. | |
| That was the story of the time. | ||
| Ms. Winstead. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Then don't talk. | ||
| Then don't talk about it if you don't know the full story. | ||
| So Liz Winstead interjected, or rather edited, the actual reality of the conversation and cut out the part where he was detailing what is not funny about rape to make it seem like what he did was more insensitive. | ||
| If she said, I guarantee you, if someone said rape and then, you know, he said, you know, a woman said actually rape was never funny, and he said, well, wouldn't it be funny if five guys raped her right now? | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| That's still funny. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because he's not being serious. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| If she's self-righteously yelling out, actually, rape is never funny, it's right for him again to say, wouldn't it be funny if she got raped by five people? | ||
| Okay? | ||
| He's joking. | ||
| He's not being fucking serious. | ||
| Just like when you see a guy in a movie and he's shooting at aliens, he's not really in an alien war. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| It's fucking entertainment. | ||
| And what she did by omitting that very particular part is make it more heinous, and yet I... I still agree with him. | ||
| And I disagree with her. | ||
| And her saying that it's not a joke is ridiculous. | ||
| And I have a Liz Winstead story from when I was an open-miker that I'd like to share with you. | ||
| This is where it gets really interesting. | ||
| When I was an open-miker, and I was not that good a comedian, I was fucking two or three times on stage, and Liz Winstead already had been on HBO, and she was hosting an open-mic night. | ||
| And I'm not trying to hold her to the fire for this, okay? | ||
| But this is something that happened. | ||
| It happened more than 20 years ago. | ||
| She's on stage. | ||
| She had her friend, Janine Duttulio, who was a very funny comic from Boston. | ||
| They're all palling around backstage, this whole girls club. | ||
| And they were having a great time. | ||
| And she said, she got on stage and she said, I'm hosting open mic night. | ||
| And when I'm here hosting open mic night, I've got rules. | ||
| Here's the rules, okay? | ||
| No jokes about this. | ||
| No jokes about that. | ||
| No jokes about tits. | ||
| No sexism. | ||
| She says no sexism. | ||
| She says no gay jokes. | ||
| She has a list she's reading. | ||
| And she decides that she's going to interrupt the stand-up comedians while they're on stage and stop them from performing their jokes. | ||
| And interrupt them because she decides that a joke is racist. | ||
| She decides that a joke is sexist. | ||
| So there's a door next to the stage. | ||
| So the comedians are on stage. | ||
| And she's getting on stage and interrupting individual performance. | ||
| Stop! | ||
| That's sexist. | ||
| So, he... | ||
| This guy... | ||
| Brian, I forget his fucking name. | ||
| He was a very funny guy. | ||
| But he was particularly shy. | ||
| And he was an open-miker, a career open-miker. | ||
| He was a guy that had been doing... | ||
| Are you checking your Twitter, bitch? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pay attention. | |
| Pay attention. | ||
| He was a guy who would struggle to keep it together on stage every time. | ||
| And he was a very gifted comic writer. | ||
| But a very uncomfortable performer. | ||
| He had a really hard time performing. | ||
| So he goes on stage, and he has this joke. | ||
| Where he says something about, I always make sure I open up the car door for my hooker. | ||
| And Liz Winstead interrupts. | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Sexism! | ||
| And he says, and don't think he doesn't appreciate it, which is his punchline. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| So she's standing on stage right after he says that, and she stopped him. | ||
| And he's so awkward, he's got his eyes closed during his fucking thing. | ||
| I mean, it's just so fucking annoying. | ||
| It's driving me crazy. | ||
| So, I get on stage. | ||
| And I'm in the middle of something, and she comes out and says, Sexism! | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Stop! | ||
| And I said, Liz, don't you get enough fucking attention? | ||
| I go, you go on stage every night, you have this HBO special, you're a national headliner, and yet you can't let an open-miker have five minutes to try to say whatever the fuck they want to say. | ||
| You have to come on and interrupt. | ||
| And so she says to me... | ||
| You know, I know the people who own this club. | ||
| I'll just let you know right now. | ||
| This is 100% real. | ||
| And I said, that's it, really? | ||
| I go, that's what you're telling me? | ||
| You're a professional fucking comedian. | ||
| And I have a very good point about you needing attention and interrupting sets. | ||
| And you tell me that you know the people who book this club, insinuating that you can stop me from working here. | ||
| I go, fucking really? | ||
| I go, I'm done. | ||
| And so I walked off the stage. | ||
| I put the microphone down and I walked off the stage. | ||
| And I'll never forget that. | ||
| And so listening to that lady, just understand and judge that. | ||
| Because that's a true thing that happened to a... | ||
| Oh, of course it does. | ||
| But that's a true thing that happened to a open mic comic by a professional headliner comedian. | ||
| This is the point where sexism can bounce the other way. | ||
| And it becomes nonsense. | ||
| It becomes you enforcing your ideology on other people And you, it's not about being fair and right and running a just happy society where people are allowed creative differences. | ||
| No, it's about you enforcing your own ego and bullshit on other people. | ||
| Yeah, and I mean it was one of those things where like... | ||
| Let's listen to the rest of what she has to say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then the club owner issued a statement, and I find this very interesting, especially when talking about it from a comics lens, and he said that Daniel Tash got on stage and said, what would you guys like to talk about? | |
| Now that opens up a conversation with your audience. | ||
| We already heard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it's not quite the same thing as being heckled. | |
| Being heckled for a joke you told. | ||
| Where was the joke? | ||
| Wasn't it like the equivalent of if there was one black guy in the room and he had said, you know, wouldn't it be funny if everybody just lynched that guy right now? | ||
| Because it's not so much a joke as it is an attack on that person because he was obviously angry at that person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Stop that. | ||
| Stop that. | ||
| You know how stupid that is? | ||
| Because that's ridiculous because it's not like she was the only woman in a room full of men. | ||
| That's so dumb. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| People are so stupid with their analogies. | ||
| That would be the same if there was one black guy and everybody's like, let's go get him. | ||
| How the fuck is that the same? | ||
| How the fuck is that the same? | ||
| Why is everybody so goddamn crazy? | ||
| And why do so many people want to cry victim when they're just stupid? | ||
| This is not a victim issue. | ||
| This is a stupid person issue. | ||
| I mean, I think it comes down to she disagreed with him. | ||
| We disagree on how she handled it. | ||
| I disagree with you, you disagree with me, but it's like... | ||
| What do you disagree with me? | ||
| Oh, just about the whole rape thing. | ||
| The thing you've been yelling at me about for 45 minutes. | ||
| Disagree with what? | ||
| You've never disagreed. | ||
| Well, the fact that I'm not... | ||
| You honestly never have, because I've told you that I don't think that he contributes to raping people, and you're saying that you didn't say that. | ||
| I do not think he contributes to raping people. | ||
| But you're saying that he contributes to rape culture, and I'm saying, what the fuck is that then? | ||
| Well, and that's what I was telling you. | ||
| It's the fact that we live in a culture where women who have been raped aren't allowed to, the way we're saying it, go to comedy clubs because they might get offended. | ||
| And I'm saying that I think that that sort of sucks for them considering they were fucking raped and now they have to watch where they go. | ||
| You're going to have to take away every single thing that people have been victimized from and take it out of the vocabulary and the vernacular of comedy then. | ||
| Because then everything, like I've been beat up before. | ||
| Have you been beat up? | ||
| I've been robbed with a gun. | ||
| That's way worse than getting raped. | ||
| Yeah, John Bryan's been robbed with a gun and he was fucking freaking out every time he was in a parking lot for months afterwards. | ||
| And I know that's true. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| He can still go to a comedy club and know about the time where he almost lost his life with a gun in his fucking face. | ||
| And if someone jokes about robbery, he should be able to laugh at that. | ||
| I would take rape over getting that happen to me again. | ||
| Unless someone... | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| I would. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would get raped before getting robbed by a gun again. | |
| Would you really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You say that, but I don't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, there's nothing scary. | |
| I see what your point is. | ||
| I see your point is, like, someone just wants to have sex, they're not going to kill you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Murder's worse than rape. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, absolutely. | |
| You know, if your loved ones, you know, got raped, you'd feel horrible. | ||
| If they got murdered, you'd feel worse. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| You get murdered, you're out. | ||
| You're done. | ||
| You get raped. | ||
| It's terrible, but you still can have loved ones and still have good experiences. | ||
| And yeah, you're going to have bad memories. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but it's not about us. | |
| It's not about us and like, oh, you know, our wife was murdered or our wife was raped. | ||
| It's about like the victim of the crime. | ||
| And like with rape, you have to live with that shit forever. | ||
| I mean, that is such a violent fucking act that, you know, people use that. | ||
| You saying that rape is worse than murder is so fucking crazy because rape is horrible for the person that gets raped. | ||
| Murder is horrible for the person who dies and everyone who loves them too who will never see them again because they don't exist because someone stopped their fucking life. | ||
| That's worse. | ||
| They're both terrible, but to say that one, rape is worse because you remember it is crazy because there's therapy. | ||
| People get on ecstasy. | ||
| They do MDMA and have these post-traumatic stress symptoms. | ||
| Disorder clinics where they work with people with psychedelic drugs and help them recover from things by having spiritual experiences. | ||
| You can recover from rape. | ||
| It's a terrible, terrible thing. | ||
| I am not condoning it or endorsing it in any way, shape, or form, but I think murder is worse. | ||
| And Brian almost got murdered. | ||
| And my girlfriend. | ||
| Not every 16-year-old who was raped has access to psychedelics. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Look, I'm not saying that rape is good. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| It's a terrible thing. | ||
| But murder's worse, man. | ||
| And you could joke about murder all day. | ||
| You could joke about murdering people all day. | ||
| And no one in the audience who's lost a friend to murder should be allowed to step in and go, I've lost a friend to murder! | ||
| Stop it with your murder jokes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, but I don't know if you would, again, lash out and attack that person as much. | ||
| If that person was fucking... | ||
| You would if they heckled. | ||
| You would if you were telling a joke about murder. | ||
| Someone said, talk about murder! | ||
| And you go, nothing's funny about murder. | ||
| Oh, what's funny about murder? | ||
| The bullet killing someone? | ||
| An arrow? | ||
| A machete? | ||
| And someone goes, actually, murder's never funny! | ||
| And you go, wouldn't it be funny if somebody just murdered him? | ||
| But again, man, there's not this fucking history. | ||
| Where would you stand on that? | ||
| If somebody wrote a blog and the blog was written by a fat man, a dumb man that you don't want his love and he believes in the Confederate flag, and what if he wrote a blog about that? | ||
| Would you stand up for him? | ||
| Because it's the same fucking issue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not the same issue. | |
| It is the same issue. | ||
| It certainly is. | ||
| Because murder is getting fucking reported. | ||
| There's not a stigma about murder. | ||
| The murder... | ||
| Murder's worse. | ||
| The family of the person who's murdered doesn't have to defend the fucking victim. | ||
| The victim isn't fucking put on trial. | ||
| Sometimes they are, obviously. | ||
| Well, listen, man. | ||
| You are creating a lot of straw men here. | ||
| This is not... | ||
| Murder is worse, and you're saying that if a situation happened and it was a murder joke, that that would be okay. | ||
| That's what you're saying. | ||
| And I say that's crazy. | ||
| Here's what I'm saying, because I think we're talking insert No, because we're talking about comedy, man. | ||
| We're not talking about reality. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| You know that if someone says, wouldn't it be funny if somebody just murdered him? | ||
| You know that that's worse than saying, wouldn't it be funny if someone just raped him? | ||
| That's not worse. | ||
| It is worse. | ||
| Murder's worse. | ||
| Way worse than rape. | ||
| Murder is worse than rape, man. | ||
| I don't think we can have this conversation, man. | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| You'd rather be murdered than raped? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| You would rather be murdered than raped. | ||
| Than raped? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| You would rather be murdered than raped. | ||
| I would rather... | ||
| If someone is gonna have to live with rape... | ||
| You! | ||
| None of us will have to understand. | ||
| You're saying murder's worse than rape. | ||
| None of us understand what these fucking girls are going on. | ||
| I'm not talking about that, man. | ||
| I'm talking about is murder worse than rape. | ||
| I say it is. | ||
| For me? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| I would rather get... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And for every other fucking human being that's ever lived, murder's worse than rape. | |
| Because we don't fucking know what they're going through. | ||
| We don't. | ||
| Jamie, you're talking nonsense. | ||
| You keep bringing up feelings. | ||
| You keep going to weird shit and victimization. | ||
| The first hour of the show was all about how we have to have more empathy for each other. | ||
| But we're screaming about how fucking rape victims just need to take a psychedelic drug and not go to a fucking comedy club. | ||
| We're comparing murder to rape. | ||
| That's what we're doing. | ||
| We're not doing all these other things you're trying to introduce into the conversation. | ||
| We're not doing that. | ||
| We're comparing murder to rape. | ||
| And we're saying that murder is worse than rape. | ||
| You kill people, they cease to exist, they die. | ||
| If someone has sex with you against your will, it's a horrible, horrible thing that should hurt you. | ||
| It's going to be a bad thing, but it's not as bad as murder, period. | ||
| But the reason that it's more stigmatized, the reason that more people... | ||
| It's not stigmatized more than murder, man. | ||
| If you found out that a guy raped someone, you go, oh, what an asshole. | ||
| If you found out that a guy murdered someone, that's a different fucking feeling. | ||
| See, that's where I disagree. | ||
| I want the guy who murdered people killed immediately, removed from society. | ||
| I want the guy who raped someone. | ||
| I want to find out what the fuck went wrong that he dehumanized people to the point where his sexual needs or power needs or whatever the fuck like that supersedes his need to complement his... | ||
| Fellow humans, to be a part of humanity and culture. | ||
| What went wrong with this guy? | ||
| I want to find out if he was raped by his parents. | ||
| We can learn something about that guy. | ||
| But we can't with murder. | ||
| I think a lot of times with murder, it's just people have access to things and they have impulses and they do terrible things. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of different reasons for murder. | ||
| There's a million different reasons for murder. | ||
| There's only a couple different reasons for rape. | ||
| It's not nearly as complicated. | ||
| There's all sorts of reasons why people want people dead. | ||
| There's not reasons why people want to rape people. | ||
| There's only a couple. | ||
| It's either you want some sex or you want to control someone and be violent with them. | ||
| It's not like this fucking bitch looked at my bike funny. | ||
| I got a raper. | ||
| You know, people kill people because they wear the wrong clothes. | ||
| You know, you can wear blue in a red neighborhood and they kill you. | ||
| There's a lot more differences why people murder you than rape you. | ||
| So it's an unfair comparison. | ||
| But murder's worse. | ||
| Yeah, you can't understand what it's like for someone to have been victimized by that crime. | ||
| You also can't understand what it's worth for a mother to lose her son to violence. | ||
| Because that could be just as bad. | ||
| Or worse. | ||
| And I think talking to these hypotheticals is like... | ||
| Yeah, but that's what you keep doing. | ||
| You keep bringing up hypothetical justifications. | ||
| And I'm saying that you can't do that, man. | ||
| And I'm saying you know that they're both just jokes. | ||
| That a guy joking around about, wouldn't it be funny if that guy got murdered, is the same as someone saying, wouldn't it be funny if that guy got raped? | ||
| He doesn't really mean that. | ||
| He's making a joke to move a comedy show along. | ||
| So we're all introducing it. | ||
| And Liz Winstead, fucking hypocrite bullshit, to her to say on stage that it's not even a joke. | ||
| Of course it's a joke. | ||
| It's a direct joke. | ||
| Here's the joke. | ||
| Ready? | ||
| Set up. | ||
| Actually, rape is never funny. | ||
| Punchline, wouldn't it be funny if she just got raped by five guys? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's a joke. | ||
| To say that that's not a joke is silly. | ||
| It's not saying we're endorsing rape. | ||
| It's not saying people should be allowed to say horrible things to people. | ||
| It's you're not dealing with the context of the situation where someone was reacting to someone saying something dumb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I might rape that bathroom in a bit. | |
| Are you gonna? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Can I pee first? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Do you have to go? | ||
| Do I have to pee? | ||
| Yeah, well, I was supposed to go like half an hour ago. | ||
| Listen, man, I didn't want to hold you to the coals like this, but this is a very controversial subject. | ||
| We legitimately disagree. | ||
| I don't think you are pro-rape. | ||
| I fucking still hope you don't think I'm pro-censorship. | ||
| You are. | ||
| If you think you shouldn't have done that, then you think that it could not have been funny even though everybody laughed. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, that's like, everybody's sense of humor is fucking subjective. | ||
| Like, you don't think everything a comedian does is funny. | ||
| Right, so for those people, that was a great moment and it was funny. | ||
| So why do you think that didn't happen with, when Cook the next week or two weeks later or whatever? | ||
| Totally different subject. | ||
| Again, because murder is worse than rape. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| No one really defended that. | ||
| Nobody defended Cook because it wasn't a good joke. | ||
| He was joking around about murder, and it wasn't a good joke, so nobody defended him. | ||
| That's why everybody defended Tosh. | ||
| Because murder's worse than rape, you son of a bitch. | ||
| I think people got mad at... | ||
| I know I got mad at Dane Cook because the joke was... | ||
| That the movie was so bad, he was thinking that, what was it? | ||
| Meanwhile, I heard the movie's awesome. | ||
| It's fucking incredible. | ||
| I got more mad at that than the murder thing. | ||
| Well, I know Dane. | ||
| Dane is the type of dude who'll say things to try to be funny. | ||
| He's trying to be edgy. | ||
| He's trying to crack a good joke. | ||
| He thought, this is a crazy thing to do. | ||
| Do it a week later. | ||
| Should I? Fuck it. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| He doesn't mean it either. | ||
| And then I'm so late. | ||
| But this went well. | ||
| I don't think anyone should be censored. | ||
| I don't like hecklers. | ||
| I don't like rape. | ||
| I don't like violence either. | ||
| I don't like murder. | ||
| I don't like anything cunty. | ||
| But that also means when someone who is a non-rapist and non-violent like Daniel Tosh is at a comedy club and he makes a joke about rape, he shouldn't be fucking chastised by these dummies on the air. | ||
| This nonsense that you're hearing from Liz Winstead, it's just so silly. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
| You shouldn't rape people. | ||
| Abso-fucking-lutely. | ||
| You also should shut your fucking mouth at a comedy club. | ||
| Can we add on that? | ||
| If you don't want to get blowback. | ||
| Can we agree that we're all anti-rape? | ||
| We're all anti-rape. | ||
| Unless I pay money for it. | ||
| But I do go back to what you said before where it's just like, I don't know, as tedious as it may be or whatever, I would much rather... | ||
| I just, I don't know. | ||
| I think, like, me personally, like, when I write, like, I do think about it. | ||
| I'm like, am I going after the right person? | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| And that was an ad lib thing. | ||
| Like, I'm taking it out of the Tosh scenario. | ||
| Well, it's really simple, man. | ||
| What you could have really said was, rape, I mean, this is what I said when I would, I would say you should think what I think, but what I, my point of view was that, yeah, rape isn't funny, but that was funny because he didn't rape anybody. | ||
| It's not a rape. | ||
| It's a word. | ||
| Words came out of his mouth describing a ridiculous fictional scenario. | ||
| I mean, would it be worse if he said, wouldn't it be funny if gargoyles came down and ate her asshole and killed her? | ||
| Yeah, that would be worse. | ||
| I'm liking your dolphin piss gargoyle jokes. | ||
| You're not giving yourself credit. | ||
| They're very funny. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Drowning by dolphin piss is one of the worst ways to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is true. | |
| Unicorn Pist is even worse. | ||
| That's worse than rape. | ||
| Look, what I'm saying is that this is comedy and it's not real. | ||
| And what a guy's doing when he's doing what Tosh did is asking the audience, he's coming up with new material and he's fucking around. | ||
| Right, but what I'm saying is like, we all have comics we don't like. | ||
| Me and you agree on it. | ||
| You don't like Tosh? | ||
| The joke was funny. | ||
| I actually don't know much of his stuff. | ||
| He's a good dude. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| I hope he's a good comic. | ||
| He's a good dude. | ||
| He's always friendly. | ||
| Every time I met him, he's been real friendly to me. | ||
| I only talked to Tosh a few times. | ||
| I did his show once. | ||
| Hey Brian, have you? | ||
| We did a thing with Manny Pacquiao, who was also a great guy. | ||
| Manny Pacquiao is one of the nicest guys of all time. | ||
| You meet him, you would never believe he's a stone cold killer. | ||
| He's so friendly and generous and nice to people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a tiny dude too, right? | |
| Very small guy, yeah. | ||
| And Daniel Tosh is very tall, too. | ||
| But Daniel Tosh is a really nice guy, man. | ||
| And he's not a hurtful person. | ||
| He's just trying to make some people laugh and do his gig. | ||
| And he does it really well. | ||
| And hear this from these silly people like Liz Winstead saying, first of all, it wasn't a joke. | ||
| I'm glad I told that story about open mic days. | ||
| Because I never told that story before. | ||
| And maybe she doesn't remember it. | ||
| Maybe she'll say it's not true. | ||
| It's fucking true. | ||
| I remember that shit. | ||
| I remember I had this girlfriend that I was dating at the time. | ||
| Her name was Stephanie. | ||
| She was older than me. | ||
| One of the first times I ever dated a chick who used to tell me what to do. | ||
| But she liked to fuck, so it was fun. | ||
| She was cool. | ||
| She was a nice person, but she was older than me and just like telling me what to do. | ||
| And then after I got off stage, I walked off the stage and she said, you can't do that. | ||
| She said, if you want to be a comedian, you have to be a comedian. | ||
| You can't just quit in the middle of doing comedy. | ||
| I was like, damn, bitch, you feisty. | ||
| She's telling me what to do. | ||
| But I'll never forget that, man, because I remember thinking, I don't want to deal with these kind of people. | ||
| I mean, it's nonsense if someone would actually fucking do that. | ||
| Brian Coyne, that was the guy's name. | ||
| But I don't want to deal with censorship either, and it's like, I mean, the thing is, it's like, me and you have debated before, and it's not. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| You're telling me that I can't have... | ||
| You're saying he shouldn't have said something like that. | ||
| No, I'm saying I would have. | ||
| So he should have said something like that? | ||
| By saying that it contributes to rape culture, though, you are saying it should be censored. | ||
| I found that shitty, just like you found my opinion shitty. | ||
| I didn't find your opinion shitty. | ||
| I found your opinion to be a little self-involved, and I felt like there's a certain thing that some people do When they get on Twitter where they say things because they know that they're going to get a bunch of people agreeing with them. | ||
| And they're not necessarily making sense. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Because that fucking worked out for me. | ||
| You think that was my goal? | ||
| Lefties. | ||
| Lefties. | ||
| You're people for sure, dude. | ||
| Not the people I fucking see on a daily basis. | ||
| I see comics on a daily basis. | ||
| You write things fellow liberals. | ||
| You write things on Twitter fellow liberals. | ||
| I know who you're communicating with. | ||
| You're communicating with people who already love you. | ||
| When you're saying things that you want people who already love you and you know how they feel about things like that, when you start saying shit like it's supporting rape culture, you know who you're talking to. | ||
| I'm shitty at business, but if you thought that I thought this was going to work out, this was going to be a lot of fucking fun to deal with on Joe's podcast, I know who follows me on Twitter. | ||
| I know who's more vocal. | ||
| I knew that I was going to get... | ||
| Shit for this. | ||
| I wasn't, like, ecstatic about it, but that doesn't mean that the only reason I'm not going to defend something that I believe in is because I don't want to piss off my friends. | ||
| That's not what I'm saying. | ||
| I didn't say that at all. | ||
| What I said was it seemed like you were preaching to the choir in a way that you thought they wanted you to hear. | ||
| No, I never thought that was anything about it. | ||
| Dude, thousands of people... | ||
| You just knew we're ready for a fight. | ||
| And you said, like, I have to stand my ground. | ||
| It was how I fucking felt. | ||
| Just like everybody will tweet their fucking opinions on how they feel. | ||
| Just like you'll tweet your opinions on the want drugs, on the military industrial complex, whatever. | ||
| It's you tweeting your opinions. | ||
| That was me tweeting my opinions. | ||
| This opinion we disagreed with. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Same shit. | ||
| It's not just an opinion. | ||
| It's a stance. | ||
| But that's what... | ||
| Me and your job, the reason people follow us is to hear our opinions on things. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| If we didn't want people to know that stuff, neither of us would be on Twitter. | ||
| Neither of us would be fucking comedians, right? | ||
| You just happen to disagree with this one. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Well, it's not just that I disagree with it. | ||
| It's that every single comedian that I've Talk to about it disagrees with it. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| He disagrees with it vehemently and believes that you have done something... | ||
| So clearly I did not take the popular stance. | ||
| It's not just that you didn't take the popular stance. | ||
| You didn't take the stance that comes from the people that do the job and know how difficult it is to do an ad-lib scenario like what Tosh was doing. | ||
| And to have someone non-ironically shout out, actually, rape is never funny, while he was talking about how rape isn't funny. | ||
| But again, now we're getting back to defending the heckler. | ||
| I'm not defending the fucking heckler. | ||
| But you are. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| By saying that what he's done is bad, you're saying that what she did was not as bad. | ||
| And what he did only existed because she did something. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Holla. | ||
| But again, like, when the dude threatened me, like, that didn't become a big thing. | ||
| What dude threatened you? | ||
| On Twitter. | ||
| Who threatened you? | ||
| No, no, no, the war guy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| With that heckler. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, that didn't become a, like, fuck that guy. | ||
| The guy who said he was, if I kept talking, he was going to beat the shit out of me. | ||
| Cap City. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Where it's like... | ||
| Yeah, that's in Austin. | ||
| You can't fuck around in Austin, son. | ||
| Like, that sucks. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, again, I had to deal with a worse version of a heckler. | ||
| Yeah, that's worse than what you did. | ||
| But it's still not... | ||
| It's still stupid. | ||
| But I mean, we're going to disagree on this forever. | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| I think, ultimately, though, we agree that it's about being a good person. | ||
| And what you think is that talking and joking around about violent acts... | ||
| This is not a part of being a good person. | ||
| About the victim of it. | ||
| I see your point. | ||
| Not the word, not the fucking culture, not the rape scenarios or whatever about like specifically like the punchline is the person who's raped. | ||
| I think that's fucking lazy. | ||
| I think it's lazy comedy just like racial stereotypes. | ||
| I think it's fucking lazy. | ||
| I think people can be funnier and more creative than that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I totally see that. | ||
| I don't think it's lazy. | ||
| I think it was the perfect thing to say in that scenario. | ||
| If it's been reported exactly the way I described, if that's really what happened. | ||
| Yeah, I don't... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| He's just joking. | ||
| And everyone pretending that this is some sort of a real national debate. | ||
| Look, the reality is we should be nice to each other for sure. | ||
| But the also reality is... | ||
| You should yell out stupid shit at a comedy club. | ||
| And here's another reality. | ||
| There's a lot of dumb people that don't know they're dumb. | ||
| And that's part of being dumb. | ||
| And you have this fucking wild ass stupid opinion you think the whole world should hear, and you want to stand up and yell it. | ||
| I mean, I had it a couple weeks ago in Calgary. | ||
| Some dumb guy just stood up and started yelling something in the middle of the show. | ||
| And we have to wait while he gets kicked out. | ||
| And he's like yelling and laughing. | ||
| Then he got kicked out and everyone's booing at him. | ||
| It's a part of life. | ||
| You're going to have to deal with that sort of a thing. | ||
| But when you're a stand-up comic, you know what the fuck he's doing. | ||
| You know what he's going through. | ||
| He's not supporting rape. | ||
| And he's certainly not supporting... | ||
| Rape culture, which supports rape? | ||
| He's not. | ||
| He's telling a joke. | ||
| He's doing a joke. | ||
| Just as if he would be doing a joke about murdering somebody. | ||
| I just think, you gotta pick a team, son. | ||
| We're on team stand-up. | ||
| Alright? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Listen, this Friday we've got a killer show here at the Ice House, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| It's getting deeper as we speak. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons, Joey Diaz, Dom Irera, Brian Redband, and me. | ||
| That's of now. | ||
| And Brian and I are going to talk after the show and maybe add some more motherfuckers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have a secret. | |
| What's a secret? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's somebody that will be really good if he tells me yes. | |
| He's going to tell me yes or no, and it's Jeffrey Ross. | ||
| Oh, Jeff Ross would be awesome. | ||
| His new show starts tonight, by the way. | ||
| Don't sit in the front row if it's Jeff Ross. | ||
| Yeah, Jess, new roasting show on Comedy Central. | ||
| Thank you, Jamie. | ||
| Listen, man, you know I love you. | ||
| Even though we disagree, I think you're a great guy. | ||
| We can all have our differences of opinions on things. | ||
| I know I got a little aggressive with you here and held you to the fire, but in no way is it that I disrespect you or don't like you or like hanging out with you or talking to you. | ||
| It's a tricky situation and it's a very passionate one to me. | ||
| Of course, rape is terrible, folks. | ||
| Any bad... | ||
| Cunty behavior is terrible. | ||
| You guys don't rip anything. | ||
| What Liz Winstead did when I was an open-miker was fucking terrible. | ||
| Brian Coyne, I got your back, son. | ||
| 20-plus years later, holla at your boy if you're still alive. | ||
| Wow, that got dark. | ||
| Folks, tomorrow night, or tomorrow day, Andrew motherfucking Dice Clay, Thursday, Everlast, what? | ||
| Shit's getting crazy here at the Ice House, and of course, Friday night, we will have the Ice House Chronicles, which, just listen to the lineup we just said, Greg Fitzsimmons, Dom Irera, Joey Diaz, Brian Redband. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tony Hinchcliffe. | |
| Tony Hinchcliffe, who's hilarious. | ||
| A hilarious young comic who does a lot of the hosting that we have at the Ice House. | ||
| And he's fucking great, man. | ||
| I watched him again last week. | ||
| He's great at working the crowd. | ||
| He's great at ad-libbing. | ||
| Thanks to Onnit.com for supporting our show. | ||
| Thanks to Alienware for hooking us up with some sweet products. | ||
| This laptop is the shit. | ||
| And if you're into gaming, it's perfect for you. | ||
| Follow Alienware MMA on Twitter. | ||
| Follow Redband on Twitter. | ||
| Follow Jamie Kilstein on Twitter. | ||
| And be nice. | ||
| Come on, folks. | ||
| We can agree. | ||
| To disagree. | ||
| Be nice. | ||
| There's so much rape in my timeline. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Don't rape his timeline. | ||
| There's more than one in six rape threats in my timeline. | ||
| Come on, folks. | ||
| You don't have to rape Jamie's timeline. | ||
| 79 mentions. | ||
| I'm going to rape you at the Olive Garden. | ||
| Seven times, Brian? | ||
| Seven times. | ||
| Seven times, you fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seven times. | |
| I was like the same people over and over again. | ||
| Look, folks. | ||
| Love and happiness is the only key to life. | ||
| If you want to be a happy person... | ||
| You gotta do a couple things. | ||
| One, you gotta get your own shit together so that nice people would wanna be around you, okay? | ||
| Because if you don't have your own shit together, you're not gonna attract nice people. | ||
| It's just a fact. | ||
| Nice people don't wanna deal with your bullshit. | ||
| And if they do deal with your bullshit, you're making them a victim and they're enabling you. | ||
| So get it together, you dirty fucking freaks! | ||
| Thanks to Onnit.com. | ||
| Go buy yourself some Alpha Brain to get clear thoughts like these. | ||
| This podcast is also brought to you by our silent sponsor, Marijuana. | ||
| Marijuana, which is illegal federally, but yet awesome. | ||
| And available here in California through select loopholes. | ||
| Go to Onnit.com if you want to get some non-marijuana hemp force protein. | ||
| It's hemp. | ||
| It's not marijuana. | ||
| Even though it's illegal, but you can buy it and bring it in here. | ||
| It doesn't make any fucking sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're living in a fucking police state run by corporations. | |
| Jamie Kilstein, break it down for folks. | ||
| This is the last words. | ||
| Say it, Jamie. | ||
| Corporations and rape are bad. | ||
| All that shit's bad. | ||
| Folks, we love you and we'll see you soon. | ||
| Thank you for all the positive support. | ||
| Thank you everybody that came out to the show in Denver. | ||
| It was fucking beyond fantastic. | ||
| We are on a crazy roll. | ||
| We're all in this thing together. | ||
| You fucking freak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This girl raped me. | |
| She threw me on the ground and then she used... | ||
| She's naked and covered in blood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's gonna rape me. | |
| I think this is rape culture. | ||
| Shut it off quickly. | ||
| You're supporting girls raping you. | ||
| Alright, we love you guys and we will see you tomorrow. |
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