June 21, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:02:38
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you for the second time today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ow! | |
| By The Fleshlight, the redundancy department of redundancy. | ||
| You already heard the commercials, but I gotta say them anyway because I have a fucking contractual obligation to a company that sells rubber pussies. | ||
| Here's what it is. | ||
| Do you believe in it anyway? | ||
| Yes, it's a solid product. | ||
| I would not sell it if it was not. | ||
| It's an excellent product. | ||
| Maybe the most effective thing in the world when it comes to getting rid of your loads. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It's right up there, goddammit, Dom. | ||
| Right up there with my left hand? | ||
| It feels better than a bad vagina. | ||
| It feels like a really good one. | ||
| Not that you should limit a person and making love to them to just their actual vagina. | ||
| But when you get down to brass tacks, that's what you're having sex with. | ||
| Tell me more about it, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The penis, Dominic, it goes into the vagina and it feels pretty good. | |
| It feels pretty swell. | ||
| It pairs well with a good MyFreeCan. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| My free cams. | ||
| Oh, there were some girls that were soliciting your attention, Brian. | ||
| I don't know if you got those tweets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I got them. | |
| Yeah, I bet you did. | ||
| They're like, what about me? | ||
| A bunch of my free cam hookers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| Fucking chasing after my pal. | ||
| My little buddy. | ||
| You're going to leave my little buddy alone. | ||
| Don't be mean, you dirty bitches. | ||
| Anyway, Fleshlight, Joe Rogan, enter in the codename Rogan. | ||
| That's my word. | ||
| What's my name? | ||
| Enter in the codename Rogan, save yourself 15% off. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain. | ||
| Did I ever give you any Alpha Brain stuff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I didn't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it, Tom. | |
| You need some of this. | ||
| What do you mean I need it? | ||
| You need it. | ||
| I'm just telling you. | ||
| It's kind of hurtful. | ||
| It's bad. | ||
| Why do I need it? | ||
| Just me? | ||
| No, everybody needs it. | ||
| I use it. | ||
| I'm wanting you to try it just because I enjoy it. | ||
| What is it to help your memory? | ||
| Well, it helps your brain function better. | ||
| It's like, you know, you drink a little cup of coffee, you get a little pick-me-up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You can think a little better. | ||
| At least I can. | ||
| AlphaBrain is like that. | ||
| It's nutrients that enhance your brain's ability to produce neurotransmitters. | ||
| It just helps your brain function. | ||
| There's a lot of controversial science behind all this. | ||
| I use it, and I use it because it's effective, and I've been using it for years. | ||
| I started using it, and I will give another plug to him because he's going to be on the podcast eventually. | ||
| Bill Romanowski's Neuro One was the first nootropic that I ever tried, and he concocted this combination of nutrients to help himself after he developed a few concussions from football. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He actually said if he didn't see stars, he didn't think he was hitting right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Yeah, every day. | ||
| It's like being in a car accident. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| And you're a big football fan, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So you're real aware of... | ||
| I was in Denver, and we were doing something for Comedy Central, and Romanowski was... | ||
| I said, I want to interview Romanowski. | ||
| They said, no, you don't. | ||
| They said, I do. | ||
| And I go in to lunch. | ||
| He's sitting there at a table of eight alone. | ||
| The rest of the place is packed. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I just... | ||
| That's intense. | ||
| That's scary, dude. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Oh, he's scary, yeah. | ||
| Everybody's like, no. | ||
| Let that fucking guy eat by himself. | ||
| He was the one that spit in that guy's face on Monday Night Football. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| And they said it was a racial thing. | ||
| I'm thinking, no, it's not a racial thing. | ||
| He's just a nut. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Has nothing to do with anything. | ||
| He's just a fucking gangster on a gridiron. | ||
| His stuff, Neuro One, is the first nootropic that I ever tried. | ||
| If you're interested in AlphaBrain, go to Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN and save yourself 10% off any and all orders. | ||
| We also have kettlebells in, finally. | ||
| And they are the best quality kettlebells that we could find. | ||
| They're made by York. | ||
| And we're selling them as cheap as we can sell them. | ||
| They're excellent. | ||
| You only need to buy them once for an entire lifetime's worth of use. | ||
| And they're, in my opinion, they're my favorite workout piece of equipment. | ||
| I don't hardly do anything other than I do some bench press stuff. | ||
| I do a lot of chin-ups and body weight squats and stuff like that. | ||
| But almost everything else I do is kettlebells because it's just such an effective workout. | ||
| For like real body functional strength. | ||
| There's a lot of videos that are available on how to use kettlebells. | ||
| We'll eventually probably sell them on our site too. | ||
| We'll probably see if maybe we can buy some from Steve Maxwell. | ||
| Because I think, in my opinion, he's like one of the greatest kettlebell instructors alive. | ||
| And I've had the good pleasure of being trained by him a couple of times, so I can vouch for his stuff. | ||
| All of his videos are excellent. | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| You can find them from Amazon and a bunch of different places, but any Steve Maxwell video on kettlebells, you can't go wrong. | ||
| Another one is Extreme Kettlebell Cardio Workout that Dragon Door sells. | ||
| I fucking love that video, too. | ||
| We don't have anything to do with any of these videos, but I'm just telling you, if you want to buy some kettlebells, that's what I recommend. | ||
| Go to Onnit. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off any and all orders. | ||
| The great Dom Irera is here. | ||
| International comedy dick slinger. | ||
| Back from a world tour! | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan experience. | |
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Powerful Dom Irera. | ||
| Joe, you know how we're always doing the Irish accents to each other? | ||
| Yeah, why is that? | ||
| Why don't we do that? | ||
| Joe Rogan. | ||
| We've been doing that for decades. | ||
| Well, I went to Ireland, right? | ||
| I got to Ireland, unbelievable. | ||
| I mean, it was like, I told you over the phone, but I go in and I'm in Galway. | ||
| Don Moreira, for fuck's sake, we heard you with Joe Rogan. | ||
| We love the show. | ||
| One kid goes, I started doing martial arts because of Joe. | ||
| Do you realize you have an effect around the world? | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| This is Galway and Kilkenny. | ||
| This isn't even Dublin. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| I don't think men are represented fairly in the media. | ||
| I don't think there's enough actual, you know, guys that are telling you what's really going on from their honest perspective as someone that you can relate to. | ||
| You know, I think a lot of people are full of shit. | ||
| I think a lot of men could use some martial arts training. | ||
| It's good for you. | ||
| I think martial arts and comedy is a great... | ||
| Great mix. | ||
| It does work. | ||
| It seems like it wouldn't, but it really does work. | ||
| You know, when I was a martial arts guy only and I got into comedy, I was almost embarrassed of having something to do with martial arts because it seemed so douchey. | ||
| It doesn't seem like that would be funny at all. | ||
| Joe, even people that beat the shit out of other people want to have a laugh once in a while. | ||
| They want to relax, too. | ||
| Yeah, comedy is great for you. | ||
| Martial arts, great for you. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| And it's beautiful when I hear stuff like that. | ||
| Oh, it was great. | ||
| I got such a kick out of it. | ||
| I mean, it happened every night. | ||
| Every night, guys came because they heard me on the podcast. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| I get people sending me pictures of their kale shakes. | ||
| Because I drink kale shakes every morning. | ||
| So I got a lot of people doing this. | ||
| Kevin James got me onto it. | ||
| Kevin James lost 80 pounds for this movie where he played an MMA fighter. | ||
| And looked fucking fantastic. | ||
| His fucking face became thin. | ||
| He always told me how strong he was. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| Kevin James loves to eat. | ||
| He eats like a motherfucker. | ||
| But physically, that guy, he's a bear, dude. | ||
| He's a big, boned... | ||
| He hits hard. | ||
| He's a big, scary motherfucker. | ||
| And he really could have been a fighter if he ever chose to go down that path. | ||
| He has serious power, especially in his hands. | ||
| But he hit mitts with Mark Della Grotti. | ||
| And I was watching him hit the mitts. | ||
| He's like a real athlete, even though he's this big guy. | ||
| So he lost all this weight and he looked so good. | ||
| I was so blown away. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck did you do? | ||
| And he said, the most important thing is everything. | ||
| I switched to an all-vegetable diet. | ||
| Everything was vegetables. | ||
| He didn't eat any animal products at all. | ||
| And he did this for a long time. | ||
| He went back to it eventually. | ||
| But he would have a kale shake every morning. | ||
| And the idea was you have this thing called a Vitamix. | ||
| You throw kale, cucumber, celery, pears. | ||
| And then I throw ginger and garlic in there. | ||
| Raw garlic. | ||
| And it tastes like ass. | ||
| I mean, it's barely eatable. | ||
| Every time I do it, it's like a little victory. | ||
| I just won. | ||
| I got through that. | ||
| Next day, I win again. | ||
| Every time I do it, I feel like I win. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| But I was just saying, but nutrient-wise, it's incredibly dense. | ||
| It opens up your bowels. | ||
| Your shit comes out like it's just lubed up and on one of those water slides. | ||
| It's like your body, you feel way healthier. | ||
| Water slide shit. | ||
| I've always wanted. | ||
| Shits are spectacular. | ||
| My shits, when I have these kale shakes, are spectacular. | ||
| You wish you could invite people to do one of your shittings. | ||
| I wish I did. | ||
| I wish people could, if I could record it and then play it back for you, you could feel how great it feels when it's so gently, effortlessly pours out of my ass. | ||
| It's good to be back on the show. | ||
| My shit's entirely green. | ||
| You're kidding. | ||
| It goes right through me entirely green. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And it's like, man, how clean is my asshole? | ||
| My asshole is like vegetable fresh. | ||
| It's Martian ass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that's how I learned from Kevin. | ||
| And that's like people send me these pictures now all the time of their kale shakes. | ||
| I get it all the time on Twitter. | ||
| You know when we went to dinner? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to see my kale shake, Joe. | |
| I went to dinner at the Palm that night. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At the steakhouse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Great place. | ||
| And I noticed, yeah, Kevin was in a great mood, talking, laughing. | ||
| As soon as the food came, he was like on a mission. | ||
| He didn't fucking look up. | ||
| Like, it was his last meal. | ||
| Well, that's when Kevin had gotten back to eating again. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, that was, because he had really like, he's all in or nothing. | ||
| He's like, he's kind of like me in a lot of ways. | ||
| We're very similar. | ||
| And one of the ways is that we get crazy about things. | ||
| You know, he'll get crazy about golf and just be like, fuck, I'm going to play golf all day for a year. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're like that in pool. | ||
| Yeah, I got real problems. | ||
| You're starting to warm up after three hours. | ||
| Joe, I'm tired. | ||
| I played a dude the other day and we only played a race to five. | ||
| It was like, God, it was such a tease. | ||
| I wasn't even warmed up yet. | ||
| For me, pool is like a three or four hour experience. | ||
| Well, you have that long time. | ||
| Like I said to you, you have the marathon runner and I have a sprinter mentality. | ||
| Like when I'm on stage... | ||
| If I'm doing really well, I can't wait to get the fuck off because I'm doing really well. | ||
| I want 45 minutes. | ||
| I'm out of there. | ||
| Bing, bang, boom. | ||
| Yeah, but you love to be up there for a couple hours, and it's great. | ||
| Only if I can maintain the energy. | ||
| I've never seen you not. | ||
| Well, I think also you have to factor in the audience's energy. | ||
| I don't do shows as long as I used to do. | ||
| I've done some stupid two-and-a-half-hour shows, and the problem with that is people don't want to hear you talk for two-and-a-half hours. | ||
| After a while, they're bored. | ||
| And then the end of it, it always became like this question and answer section. | ||
| And it felt to me like what I was doing was I was having this killer hour and ten minutes of comedy, and then I was ending it with like an hour of mediocrity. | ||
| And I was like, this is like the question and answer sometimes would be awesome, but sometimes it would just sort of become a fucking yell fest. | ||
| People yelling shit and just become gross. | ||
| Well, some of that. | ||
| You know the Dave Chappelle thing with the five hours? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I said to the... | ||
| I think it was up to seven. | ||
| Okay, whatever. | ||
| Something ridiculous. | ||
| And I said to the booker of the club, I said, did he do material? | ||
| She goes, it was all new material. | ||
| I said, well, I don't believe that. | ||
| So I asked the staff. | ||
| They go for material. | ||
| He asked one guy where he was from three times. | ||
| The guy says, I'm still from Pittsburgh. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Well, you know, if people are willing to just sit there and you just sit around talking, does that still stand up? | ||
| You know, it's like your stand-up is you're a craftsman. | ||
| When you go up there, you've got jokes, you've got punchlines, you've got setups. | ||
| You can't wait to get to them because they're killer. | ||
| But I have no idea how to write. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I don't have any idea how to write a joke. | ||
| How did you say that? | ||
| Because it has to come out in its own way. | ||
| I don't know how to like mathematically... | ||
| Remember Rita Rudner? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| People like that are like joke technicians. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Do you know how to write a joke or you just say funny things? | ||
| I just write. | ||
| What I do is I write blogs, like blog entries, and then in writing about something, since there's no pressure to be funny, then I get the ideas for jokes out of that. | ||
| Or I have ideas and I'll slowly work them out on stage. | ||
| I do a bunch of different ways. | ||
| Sometimes I don't have anything written. | ||
| It's just this idea that's been fucking with me, and then I go on stage and I try it one way, and then I say, well, that idea was missing something, and I'll try it another way the next time, until eventually I get it. | ||
| I had dreams the last two weeks of shit that was killing in my dream. | ||
| You told me that when we were playing pool! | ||
| Oh yeah, and I had another one since then. | ||
| But I was having this dream about organic alcohol. | ||
| What was the one that you told me when we were playing pool? | ||
| About relief pitchers? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| I had this dream. | ||
| I woke up fucking 70,000 people. | ||
| I'm going, what's up with relief pitchers? | ||
| I mean, you know, what's a relief if they get off? | ||
| You know, it's like such stupid non-joke. | ||
| And I'm fucking like, there was a part of me that I think I knew I was asleep and I said, I can't wait to wake up to fucking write this down. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Nothing was funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was so unfunny, it's funny. | |
| And you were killing in your dreams. | ||
| I was killing my fucking throngs of people. | ||
| I know I've done that before. | ||
| I know I've had dreams where I was killing on stage. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| I'm going, God, this is the best stuff I've ever written. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I couldn't wait to write it down. | ||
| Then I woke up, I'm like, what are you talking about, idiot? | ||
| You ever wake up laughing, Joe? | ||
| Sometimes, yeah. | ||
| I had a dream. | ||
| When I was first moving to New York, And my dream was I had a job, and it was involved. | ||
| I had to sit in soup to see how long scientists would stand around with these charts, see how long it took soup to cool. | ||
| And it was chicken gumbo soup, right? | ||
| And I remember sitting in the soup, and I was like, ah, it's fucking hot, ah, ah. | ||
| And then I sit down and I turn to the camera. | ||
| There's a camera in my dream. | ||
| And I go, hey, $8 an hour for sitting in soup? | ||
| How bad could it be? | ||
| Then I moved to New York. | ||
| And then the rest is history. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I think if you laugh a lot and you're used to laughing a lot, it's more likely that you're going to laugh in dreams. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I wonder if Bert Kreischer just sits there and laughs nonstop in his dreams. | |
| I'll tell you what, Bert is a happy motherfucker right now. | ||
| I've never met anybody who's more thankful for his success and things that are going well in his life and so happy. | ||
| He's such a happy, nice guy. | ||
| I always wonder about guys who are always depressed, like Marc Maron. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love Marc. | ||
| But Marc is one of those guys that was always so depressed. | ||
| Now he's successful and he's got a really nice girlfriend. | ||
| I go, is this bothering you? | ||
| He goes, I don't know what to do. | ||
| I don't know what to do with my feelings because he's so used to being miserable. | ||
| He's got to be careful, man, because all that is really bad for you. | ||
| All that years of... | ||
| And that's not like woo-woo. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| Years of harboring resentment and bad feelings and selfishness like that. | ||
| All that negativity, that fucks with you, man. | ||
| It keeps you from sleeping right. | ||
| He seems better to me, though. | ||
| I'm sure he is. | ||
| I'm sure he is. | ||
| I mean, he's a smart guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He knows. | |
| I mean, he's been... | ||
| One of the things is doing a podcast where you very... | ||
| Very openly bear your soul. | ||
| When he does these monologues where he talks about things in the beginning of his podcast, he's very honest about all of his transgressions and his thoughts about him in the past and all sorts of different things. | ||
| So I think it's super therapeutic in a way to do something like that. | ||
| You can really get over your shit when you broadcast it. | ||
| I think... | ||
| I think we all have a tendency. | ||
| It's so easy to go towards the negative. | ||
| It's just so dangerous. | ||
| It's so dangerous to think that that's the more profound way to think. | ||
| It's so fucking stupid for you. | ||
| I never really let somebody else's success diminish me. | ||
| You never have. | ||
| You've never been a jealous guy ever about anybody. | ||
| Somebody said one time about Eddie Murphy, does it bother you? | ||
| I said, what? | ||
| What the fuck's Eddie Murphy have to do with me? | ||
| He's tremendously talented. | ||
| It's not like if he didn't do 48 hours, I would've. | ||
| Well, you know what I always loved about you, Dom? | ||
| Not just that you were a great comic, but you really love stand-up comedy. | ||
| Everyone had this idea at some point in time in comedy that... | ||
| I mean, not everyone, but a lot of people in Hollywood. | ||
| You put together an act, and then you got a sitcom. | ||
| And then you got a sitcom, and then you went from a sitcom to a movie career, and that's the only way to do it. | ||
| And anywhere else is not fun. | ||
| But you were like, I like being a comic. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I'm making plenty of money. | ||
| I got a nice car. | ||
| I live in a nice house. | ||
| What the fuck do you want from me? | ||
| What do I need? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, what do you want from me? | |
| What else? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One guy says to me, he goes, what else you got coming up? | ||
| Did I ever tell you this? | ||
| He's like the deli man. | ||
| What else? | ||
| What else? | ||
| That's all you're going to have. | ||
| And I said to him, I got this Nickelodeon really cool movie and we're going to series. | ||
| He goes, you got anything big coming up? | ||
| What the fuck big you got coming up? | ||
| A Jiffy Loop? | ||
| A new muffler? | ||
| I don't bother. | ||
| I don't judge other people's careers. | ||
| It's a funny thing, though. | ||
| People will talk shit. | ||
| I've seen so many people talk shit on Twitter about random people's careers. | ||
| Like, whatever happened to RIP to this guy's career. | ||
| Like, who the fuck are you? | ||
| What is that weird free shot? | ||
| That's a bizarre thing. | ||
| Like sports writers who couldn't make their grade school football teams are critiquing guys like Romanowski, critiquing guys that are great players. | ||
| They never played. | ||
| They never played anything. | ||
| Well, I've critiqued fighters. | ||
| Well, I fought kickboxing in Taekwondo, but I've never fought an MMA fight. | ||
| All I do is critique people. | ||
| Yeah, but you would have if it came up when you were coming up, you would have fought them. | ||
| Yeah, I would have. | ||
| And I'd probably be... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd probably be a mess right now. | |
| Right about now. | ||
| Physically. | ||
| I'll never forget the fight that I came to see you and the mother and the sister were sitting next to me and the guy that got knocked out. | ||
| That's when reality hits you. | ||
| When you're sitting next to the relatives. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, especially if they get badly KO'd. | ||
| There's a visceral fear that comes from people getting badly KO'd because it looks like they're done. | ||
| A guy gets head kicked or something. | ||
| You remember when we went to that fight in Vegas and the guy got hit and the ref caught him? | ||
| I do. | ||
| He was so light. | ||
| You remember? | ||
| It was Felix Trinidad. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We saw Felix Trinidad. | ||
| I forget who he was fighting, but it was when Trinidad was really coming up. | ||
| It was when he was light. | ||
| I think it was a welterweight fight. | ||
| But yeah, he caught him with a left hook. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Dropped him. | ||
| Felix Trinidad had a wicked left hook. | ||
| But the ref caught him. | ||
| Was that the one the ref caught the guy before he hit the ground? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| At least the back of his head didn't hit. | ||
| Just the front of his head was hurt. | ||
| Yeah, we saw a couple great fights in Vegas. | ||
| I don't remember who else we saw fight there, but I remember we saw a couple good fights there. | ||
| Boxing live is weird. | ||
| I'm used to it at the UFC because I'm the voice of it, but it's weird when you're sitting there and you don't hear any commentary. | ||
| Watching guys just fucking get their shit kicked out of each other. | ||
| Just the sounds of it and the sweat and the blood. | ||
| Yeah, the impact sounds and the O's of the audience. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Oh shit I told you what I realized After seeing that stuff And I want to do it again You know I loved it But I love violence I do I love I just don't like fake violence Like I don't like violent movies Because I don't like that I don't like seeing somebody Like Joe Pesci Be able to beat Some 25 year old stud Because he's the star Right right right I just don't buy that shit Get out of here! | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, Joe Pesci almost got beat up by the bouncer at the Laugh Act. | ||
| Oh, you know that story, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was Red. | ||
| Red was the mulatto guy. | ||
| He looked like a human wall. | ||
| Well, this was a different story then, because I'm talking about Ken. | ||
| Big Ken, the rapper. | ||
| Oh, it was Ken? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought it was red. | ||
| Was that the one where he says, this ain't a movie? | ||
| This ain't no movie, motherfucker. | ||
| Oh, it was Ken. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You remember Ken, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, of course. | ||
| Ken was a big fucking dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| He was a football player and a rapper. | ||
| And apparently something happened and Joe Pesci, he tried to go crazy with him. | ||
| He yelled at him or something. | ||
| And Ken was like, This is a fucking movie, bitch. | ||
| And he got fired. | ||
| Ken got fired. | ||
| Did he get fired for that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| That makes me sad, Jamie Masada. | ||
| You'll have to come on the podcast and bust his ball. | ||
| Buddy, it's only business, buddy. | ||
| I want you to come on that podcast and bust his ball. | ||
| What am I going to do, buddy? | ||
| Buddy. | ||
| The guy scream. | ||
| He scream at this guy's fucking movie star, buddy. | ||
| People that see the podcast are saying, who's the Mexican with you? | ||
| They're asking... | ||
| He's a crazy story. | ||
| Jamie Masada, the owner of The Laugh Factory, was a dishwasher at the comedy store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he decided to pool together some money and start his own fucking business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What kind of money did he get together that he bought The Laugh Factory for? | |
| On stage, I always say that he came over here as a... | ||
| He was a Jewish guy from Iran through Israel. | ||
| He came over here as a Jew. | ||
| Busted, broke. | ||
| Which, for a Jew, was like a couple million dollars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is this thing on? | ||
| So anyway, the podcast is called Dom Rare at the Laugh Factory Live. | ||
| Live at the Laugh Factory, something like that. | ||
| And when did you start doing this? | ||
| About four weeks ago. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| It's a perfect podcast for you. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| We're hoping to get Joe Rogan. | ||
| I hear he's gonna do it. | ||
| Once he gets back from Brazil with his fancy friends. | ||
| And who are you doing today? | ||
| Tony Rock. | ||
| Tony Rock. | ||
| Powerful Tony Rock. | ||
| He's funny, man. | ||
| Tony's good, yeah. | ||
| He's very funny. | ||
| I remember I saw him years ago, and then I saw him recently. | ||
| Maybe six months ago or so, maybe a year ago. | ||
| It's gotten so much better. | ||
| He got really good. | ||
| Isn't it interesting to see it click in? | ||
| I love watching people get good at anything. | ||
| Whether it's jujitsu or comedy. | ||
| I love watching people get good at pool. | ||
| I just love watching people figure shit out. | ||
| I love knowing that that whole process of figuring shit out is possible. | ||
| I love people when their fucking life is falling apart and they pull it together. | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's one of my favorite things in life. | ||
| A goddamn Rocky movie. | ||
| I gotta do it. | ||
| I'm starting to reach the depths of alcoholism. | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, we talked about the whole Xanax thing. | ||
| You gotta try marijuana, Dominic. | ||
| I think I do. | ||
| I think you do. | ||
| I don't like smoke, though. | ||
| Well, you don't have to. | ||
| You can eat it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here you go. | |
| Joey Diaz style. | ||
| Don't give him... | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| I gotta drive. | ||
| First of all, you gotta do legit. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta drive. | ||
| And then you should do it legit. | ||
| Get a license. | ||
| You can get a marijuana prescription for various ailments. | ||
| I always wanted to take a couple hits. | ||
| It's been a while. | ||
| It's good for your glaucoma. | ||
| Maybe next time you do the podcast, we'll plan it out. | ||
| So I'm driving. | ||
| You don't have to worry about driving anywhere. | ||
| And we'll bake you out on air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| What do you think? | ||
| Good? | ||
| I suppose I get paranoid. | ||
| Well, that's very likely. | ||
| That's very likely. | ||
| How much does it take to get you high? | ||
| Just a little bit. | ||
| This is really strong weed, you know? | ||
| They keep talking about that in the news, and we've talked about this on the podcast before. | ||
| The numbers of... | ||
| The THC is so high that this is not your father's marijuana. | ||
| It's totally true. | ||
| It's fucking really strong weed now. | ||
| But it's still not going to hurt you. | ||
| It's not going to kill you. | ||
| How long does it take to wear out? | ||
| It's not dangerous. | ||
| It just freaks you out. | ||
| You can take hours depending on your body. | ||
| That's the only thing. | ||
| I don't like getting stuck in something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If I don't like it. | ||
| Well, it could be an issue. | ||
| Stanhope, he doesn't like it. | ||
| Stanhope hates weed. | ||
| Really? | ||
| See, I like alcohol. | ||
| I like anything damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did I tell you that one of my best friends is prosecuting the Sandusky case? | ||
| Oh my God, really? | ||
| I knew about this like over a year and a half ago, but they had been gathering evidence, and it's really interesting. | ||
| I mean, it's... | ||
| We were doing, like, role-playing and trying to see what Sandusky would say if he took the stand. | ||
| His wife's on the stand today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Can you imagine? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And, like, we're doing things like, why would 10 kids, you know, embarrass themselves or come out? | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| Maybe they misremembered it. | ||
| I love that misremember. | ||
| That bullshit. | ||
| It's so scary. | ||
| The whole story is so scary because they protected him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They protected that guy. | ||
| When people freaked out, when everybody went on a goddamn rampage because Joe Paterno got fired, I wonder what information they had. | ||
| Joe, wouldn't you just go to the cops? | ||
| Oh, yeah, you have to go to the cops. | ||
| Why would you go for the chain of command? | ||
| What is this, Nazi Germany? | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| I don't understand what happened. | ||
| The commandant? | ||
| I don't understand what happened. | ||
| Well, what they said happened was he went to another assistant coach, went to his father, and then they went to paternal, and paternal went to somebody else. | ||
| I would have gone to the cops right away. | ||
| If I see somebody hurting a kid, bam, I'm out of here. | ||
| And how do you not beat him to death right there on the spot? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that's got to be an instinct, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| You'd want to beat him to death. | ||
| That guy's raping a boy. | ||
| Ugh, the whole thing is just so creepy. | ||
| If it really happened the way they're saying it happened, I mean, I'm assuming at this point in time that he's guilty. | ||
| I mean, I guess that's not... | ||
| Why would all these kids come in? | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| No, I mean... | ||
| They didn't come from the same club. | ||
| I would certainly not argue it, but I just, you know, for the sake of being fair, the whole thing is fucking horrifying. | ||
| It's so terrifying. | ||
| It's so terrifying that they had this monster protected. | ||
| If that's really the case, that's so scary to me. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Well, it's Catholic Church type stuff. | ||
| How else could they not know? | ||
| I mean, how could they not know? | ||
| The Catholic Church type stuff is fucking horrifying, Tom. | ||
| We used to have a priest that molested us when I was in summer camp. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He never got me because I was such a nut. | ||
| I was always a light sleeper and afraid of the dark like a real man. | ||
| And I would have a flashlight on under my sheets. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I slept real light, you know, but... | ||
| And we knew about it. | ||
| And nobody said anything because he was a priest. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And then they just had a whole thing about him. | ||
| Even though he's dead, they condemned his actions and stuff in the Philly Papers recently. | ||
| What did he used to do? | ||
| He would just like, you know, jerk off kids in their sleep or play with them or whatever. | ||
| I don't think he did any of the Sandusky type level stuff because it was mostly a sleep thing. | ||
| It's amazing when you find out how many of them. | ||
| Oh my god, yeah. | ||
| Well, apparently the whole not having sex thing, abstinence thing doesn't work. | ||
| Well, not only does it not work, who's signing up for that? | ||
| It's not like you go to a different heaven than me. | ||
| All I have to do is be a good guy and follow God's word, and I go to heaven too. | ||
| And you don't get pussy? | ||
| I get to fuck my wife? | ||
| But that's ridiculous. | ||
| No natural person would accept that. | ||
| Something wrong with you in the first place. | ||
| It's bad for your prostate not to cum. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You can get prostate cancer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| And not only is it terrible, like, how could an organization exist that has this many people that fuck kids? | ||
| Could you imagine if they just started up tomorrow? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If the Catholic Church started up tomorrow, and all of a sudden, you know, like, there was no Catholic Church, and then all of a sudden they said, listen, we just found this new religion, we're really sure this is what Jesus really meant, and they just started fucking kids. | ||
| 20% of us fuck kids. | ||
| The rest of us... | ||
| Like, right away, people would stop it. | ||
| They would go, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| You can't do this. | ||
| Well, you know, the shifting of the people was just as bad as some of the acts. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| You're putting a predator in a new area. | ||
| Well, that was Ratzinger, the guy who's the pope right now. | ||
| He was in charge of that shit. | ||
| You know what he said about... | ||
| Yeah, he said something about why... | ||
| Because in Ireland, the churches are empty. | ||
| And they said, why, you know, with so much molestation? | ||
| He said, it's a mystery. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| What kind of answer is that? | ||
| Like, everything's a mystery. | ||
| It's a mystery. | ||
| It's not a mystery. | ||
| The universe is a mystery. | ||
| Irish people are fucking smart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| They are smart. | ||
| They are smart. | ||
| They're smart as fuck. | ||
| I love doing stand-up up there. | ||
| They're rowdy, smart people. | ||
| They're not buying your bullshit. | ||
| You can only fuck their kids for so long. | ||
| The rest of the world has to catch up. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Ireland's figured it out. | ||
| Yeah, you can't fuck our kids, asshole. | ||
| I've been going to Kilkenny more than any of the other Americans. | ||
| I really know a lot of people there. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| I go in to the grocery store next to the hotel, and this Asian guy calls me Don Moreira. | ||
| Don Moreira! | ||
| And he goes... | ||
| An Asian guy with an Irish accent? | ||
| It's half Irish, half Asian. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| You gotta try it. | ||
| You gotta try it. | ||
| He makes me a sandwich. | ||
| He goes, this on me. | ||
| You'll come back again next year. | ||
| I thought, how fucking nice is that? | ||
| 8,000 miles away from my house. | ||
| You got a friend. | ||
| Yeah, give me a sandwich. | ||
| Thanks a lot, mister. | ||
| A free sandwich. | ||
| But it was really cool of him. | ||
| What is cool when you go to a place and you develop friends that you see once a year. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It is nice. | ||
| It's one of the nice aspects of the road. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I mean, a little town, Kilkenny, walking down the street. | ||
| Don't worry, Dom. | ||
| I hid the USA Today for you. | ||
| I know you like the sports there. | ||
| Because they don't like basketball. | ||
| They like soccer and hurling. | ||
| Hurling? | ||
| Hurling. | ||
| It's not throwing up. | ||
| It's like fucking rugby with sticks. | ||
| It's such a crazy game. | ||
| Oh, it's a crazy game. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Dude, I've never heard that. | ||
| Throw that shit up. | ||
| It's like a rougher side of lacrosse. | ||
| Irish people are savages. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| I'll tell you what I did, Joe. | ||
| I'm telling you I have a problem with drinking. | ||
| I actually told the audience, I give up, you win. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't compete. | |
| I came here thinking I was an alcoholic. | ||
| I realized I'm a moderate social drinker. | ||
| You fucking people win. | ||
| I've never met people less understandable that were speaking English than Northern Ireland. | ||
| Oh yeah, because they don't move their mouth. | ||
| They're like ventriloquists. | ||
| Oh my god, look at this fucking game. | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| This is called hurling, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the Kilkenny Cats are the local team. | ||
| So they must hit the fuck out of each other with those sticks, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah, they do. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| An axe-shaped stick. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Oh, this is crazy. | ||
| They're smashing them into each other. | ||
| 3,000 years of sporting heritage. | ||
| Oh, what a crazy-ass game. | ||
| They're beating the fuck out of each other with these sticks! | ||
| I told you. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| And they run right into each other, full clip? | ||
| And that's why they think American football is such pussies, because they have so much equipment on. | ||
| Oh, this is the craziest game ever. | ||
| I did not know this existed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How can I be alive for this long? | ||
| Oh, there's no rules. | ||
| This guy just grabbed the ball, threw it up in the air, and then hit it. | ||
| Did you say no rules or new rules? | ||
| New rules! | ||
| These guys are animals. | ||
| How long have you known about this? | ||
| Since I've been going there. | ||
| You know, I used to wear their shirt when I could still fit into it when I was in Montreal. | ||
| Boy, I hate seeing that. | ||
| Look at me, the image. | ||
| I have no idea that I look like that. | ||
| It's like a cat without whiskers that thinks they can get through any small space. | ||
| I have no idea how bloated I am. | ||
| My eyes look like they're half open. | ||
| You know what my doctor, Castiglione, said to me? | ||
| He said to me, Craig Ferguson, because he uses this old kind of language. | ||
| He goes, I saw you on fucking Ferguson. | ||
| You look like a Chinaman. | ||
| I said, who says Chinaman? | ||
| Yeah, last time you were here, you were talking about how you look like an Inuit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You said you were looking like an Inuit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Like you were starting to develop. | ||
| And I can still, even at that look, I can still get women because of my act. | ||
| Thank God for my act. | ||
| Powerful Don Marrera. | ||
| You're just in Atlanta? | ||
| I'm in Atlanta. | ||
| I was in Atlanta this week. | ||
| I went great. | ||
| Punchline? | ||
| And I'm in Atlantic City on the 30th of June at Tropicana. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| I was telling my friend McGettigan... | ||
| Are tickets available for that? | ||
| How do people get those tickets? | ||
| I guess just call the Tropicana box office. | ||
| If I was telling my friend McGettigan, who's doing the Sandusky trial, is there any way he could plug my date? | ||
| He said, how can I do that? | ||
| I said, well, you know, you go open with Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, Your Honor. | ||
| This band, Sandusky, has caused so much pain to so many people, unlike comedian Don Marrera, who will be at the traffic camera on June 30th. | ||
| Eight o'clock, tickets available. | ||
| That would be hilarious. | ||
| Could you imagine if you actually did that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Holy shit. | ||
| Talk about taking the credibility away from a trial. | ||
| Yeah, that might fuck up the whole trial. | ||
| He might get off. | ||
| Yeah, you can't really joke around. | ||
| You can't joke around at all. | ||
| He was reading some of the opening statements to me and somebody said, well, was he reading it for you to punch it up? | ||
| I go, no. | ||
| Just to bounce it off somebody. | ||
| I'm not supposed to punch it up. | ||
| So he's the prosecutor? | ||
| Yeah, he's the head prosecutor. | ||
| I send him all my positive energy. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Get that motherfucker. | ||
| Get him. | ||
| He's a genius, man. | ||
| It's amazing that a guy like Sandusky is still alive. | ||
| You know, with all the negative shit that that guy's done, how is his body still holding up? | ||
| How is he still alive? | ||
| How about when he waves to people like he's running for office? | ||
| He's smiling and shit. | ||
| You can see how psychotic he is. | ||
| I mean, if anybody else accused, if you're innocent, if you're accused of all this, you'd be out of your fucking mind. | ||
| It's so weird to even think about it, man. | ||
| It's so sick and gross. | ||
| There's so few things in life that disturb people more than someone taking advantage of children. | ||
| Oh, that's the worst. | ||
| Because they know that the whole future is, that kid's future is fucked. | ||
| You're poisoning that kid's mind. | ||
| Well, that's the one thing in prison, they say, that child molesters get their ass kicked. | ||
| Yeah, of course, because a lot of people are tortured. | ||
| Victims, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, as children. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| They said, I love when people go, I hope they do that to him in jail, but who's going to want to fuck him? | ||
| That fucking stretched out gray ass. | ||
| They're going to kill him. | ||
| If he goes into the general population, they'll beat him to death eventually. | ||
| Well, he's 69 now, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then if they put him in solitary and isolation, I mean, it seems like they're just going to convict him. | ||
| I mean, it seems like the evidence is pretty overwhelming. | ||
| You know what the problem is with these kind of trials? | ||
| It has to be 100%. | ||
| It can't be a hung jury. | ||
| If one person is not sure, then they have to do a retrial. | ||
| This one seems so crazy, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| It almost requires a second case. | ||
| It requires him to be guilty and then you to go back to the whole school and everyone involved and go, how the fuck didn't you see this? | ||
| Well, that's going to come down. | ||
| After this, the president, the guys who resigned, they have their day in court. | ||
| Paterno's dead, right? | ||
| Didn't he die? | ||
| Yeah, he died. | ||
| That killed him, too. | ||
| I mean, he had cancer, but I mean, he would have fought it. | ||
| He just was a beaten man. | ||
| I mean, what a terrible position to be in, you know? | ||
| Imagine having all those years of incredible success, and he was king of Nittany Valley, you know, Penn State, and then boom. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| It just shows you, this ain't a fucking movie. | ||
| This ain't a movie. | ||
| This world is strange. | ||
| It operates. | ||
| It's fucking strange. | ||
| And you know, they're famous for their linebackers. | ||
| They called it Linebacker U. And you know who was the coach of the linebackers? | ||
| Sandusky. | ||
| So he was a revered. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Revered? | |
| Revered. | ||
| Coach. | ||
| I'm turning to Irwin Corey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel he was revered. | |
| Wow, that's nuts. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of guys who do really good at coaching because they really like men. | ||
| That makes sense, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you're really looking out for them. | ||
| Yeah, people put themselves in situations. | ||
| That's what's scary about it. | ||
| Some people really do love kids, and they love to see them successful. | ||
| I mean, I was a great fourth grade teacher because I fucking loved the kids. | ||
| And I told them, I said, I don't care. | ||
| I said, I want you to be happy. | ||
| I want you to have high self-esteem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You learn this shit great. | ||
| I said, but let me tell you, you're never going to be in a... | ||
| Some of this math is such bullshit. | ||
| I said, you're never going to be in a bind to go, man, if I only knew the Pythagorean theorem, I'd get out of this gym. | ||
| It's better they're happy than learn. | ||
| I said, pass the marks because I don't want to get in trouble, but basically I want you to go to the gym and have fun in life. | ||
| That's a good teacher. | ||
| That's a great advice if you don't want any mathematicians for the rest of the human history. | ||
| But the mathematicians are going to come out anyway. | ||
| Kids that are eggheads who are brilliant in it. | ||
| You just shouldn't force kids like me who had nothing. | ||
| Is it possible to teach really complex things and just make it fun? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The only thing they couldn't understand, I could never get through to the kids, was the relativity of up and down. | ||
| How there's no absolute up or down. | ||
| It's relative to a point. | ||
| Because we're in the universe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, like, you know, people go, well, they don't understand how people in Australia are not upside down. | ||
| Right, right, right, right. | ||
| And I could never explain that from a relative point, but they're only 9, 10 years old. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, it is hard to grasp the whole organic spaceship thing. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that we're all floating out here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're looking for land, looking for property, Dom, looking to settle down, put a house down. | ||
| No, there's nothing permanent, stupid. | ||
| The whole earth is a convertible, and it's flying through the universe. | ||
| A convertible that can be easily hit by another convertible. | ||
| Yeah, and it happens. | ||
| That's the whole theory about the moon's creation. | ||
| The most recent theory is that there was Earth 1, and Earth 1 was like a fiery fucking ball of flame or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| Different. | ||
| I don't know what about it was different than Earth 2, but it got hit by another planet. | ||
| And that created the moon and it changed the whole orbit of Earth and changed the atmosphere and that's the reason why everything exists today. | ||
| I mean the reason why we're able to sustain life because our temperature is remarkably consistent because of the fact that we have a moon. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| I don't know how it stays within a couple of degrees. | ||
| Yeah, that's part of it. | ||
| Part of it is the moon. | ||
| The moon keeps our orbit really steady. | ||
| Somehow or another, like, its gravity interacts with us. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| I don't understand gravity. | ||
| I mean, we're supposed to understand what makes things float in space and what makes things stick to those things. | ||
| I used to have a fear when I went to the beach that I would be sucked up into the air and gravity wouldn't work just for me. | ||
| I swear, just that day, all of a sudden, I'm going, fuck gravity. | ||
| Thanks a lot. | ||
| And I can't get down. | ||
| Gravity is a crazy thing to wrap your head around. | ||
| There's stuff floating. | ||
| When you get outside of the gravity of the Earth, so you pass a certain distance from the Earth where it no longer pulls on you, you can float. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the Earth has... | ||
| It's not that far. | ||
| It's not that far. | ||
| It's a few hundred miles, right? | ||
| I mean, 30 miles or something, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's like... | ||
| Just as soon as you get out of the ionosphere... | ||
| How many miles is it? | ||
| Am I making things up? | ||
| 300 miles is like space shuttle. | ||
| That's where the space shuttle goes. | ||
| They go to like 250, 300 miles. | ||
| They go somewhere around there. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Obviously, that's where the space station is. | ||
| You can float around up there. | ||
| But I don't know at what height you can start floating. | ||
| What height do you come crashing to your death, and what height can you just float around? | ||
| Because that's a real fine line, man. | ||
| I was doing a roast with, who was the first man on the moon? | ||
| Neil Armstrong. | ||
| Neil Armstrong. | ||
| I think it was Neil Armstrong. | ||
| It was one of those guys. | ||
| Buzz Aldrin? | ||
| Buzz Aldrin, yeah. | ||
| He was a member of the Friars Club. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I did a roast, and I remember saying, like, what the fuck could scare you? | ||
| You've been to the moon. | ||
| Can I imagine sitting in a ship going, boys we're off to the moon today. | ||
| If you really went to the moon. | ||
| Wait a second. | ||
| Was it a Disney film? | ||
| Joe, are you telling us that nobody ever really went to the moon? | ||
| I think it's very possible that people went to the moon. | ||
| It's also very possible they faked the whole thing. | ||
| Well, if they did, it was like the best orgasm I ever had. | ||
| They did a good job. | ||
| They got us all excited. | ||
| People think I'm retarded for thinking this, and they're right. | ||
| I am retarded. | ||
| You're not retarded. | ||
| You're special. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Like, what is her name? | ||
| Special. | ||
| So special. | ||
| What is that song? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I gotta have some of your attention. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Paddy. | |
| The fuck? | ||
| The Pretenders. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Not The Pretenders. | ||
| Yeah, I think it was The Pretenders. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| It was... | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| I can't remember the name now. | ||
| What was Tom Petty's band? | ||
| The Heartbreakers. | ||
| Heartbreakers. | ||
| Why did I think he was a pretender? | ||
| He was a heartbreaker, not a pretender. | ||
| I used to work with him on the old Gary Shaling show. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Tom Petty's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| We used to sing Beatles songs together. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid, I was about 13 years old, and this girl was telling me how cute she thought Tom Petty was. | ||
| And I'll never forget this. | ||
| I was like, Tom Petty is such... | ||
| Chrissy Hines. | ||
| Chrissy Hines, thank you. | ||
| And I was like, Tom Petty is such a bad motherfucker that this girl, they think he's cute. | ||
| Well, because he's, like, cute, ugly. | ||
| Because he's talented. | ||
| Because he's so talented. | ||
| That's the advantage of being a man. | ||
| You think any guy goes Susan Boyle. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| I'd love to bang her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Look at all the fucking awards she's won. | ||
| Well, there's a few dudes out there that will marry, you know, famous monsters. | ||
| There's a few girls that'll do that. | ||
| That'll pick up a good looking guy that's kind of lost and clueless. | ||
| That happens. | ||
| That does happen. | ||
| You get a himbo. | ||
| There's girls that are powerful women that have himbos. | ||
| I've seen that shit. | ||
| But it's not as common. | ||
| No, not even close. | ||
| Not even close. | ||
| But women will genuinely, legitimately be attracted to some really successful gross guys. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I appreciate the compliment. | ||
| Well, I was setting you up, Tom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wasn't... | |
| I know you had something to say about the subject. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| Thank God we're men. | ||
| Being a woman is much, much more difficult. | ||
| Really difficult. | ||
| I mean, the whole thing about makeup and getting ready. | ||
| Oh, I was at a fucking... | ||
| I was at a... | ||
| Well, I don't even want to say where it was. | ||
| I ran into... | ||
| A woman that was very hot in, like, the 1970s. | ||
| And now she's, you know, now she's getting along in her age. | ||
| And she's got all this plastic surgery and shit. | ||
| And it was so weird to see. | ||
| She's a famous person. | ||
| I want to say her name. | ||
| Not Joan Rivers. | ||
| I won't say it. | ||
| No. | ||
| It wasn't Joan Rivers. | ||
| Joan Rivers looks like a cat now. | ||
| Like a space cat. | ||
| She looks like an alien or something. | ||
| It's fucking scary. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Egyptian. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And I wonder if what she's doing, if that's permanent, can you like... | ||
| No, it's permanent, yeah. | ||
| It's permanent? | ||
| You can't like relax and stop doing what you're doing that makes your face like that? | ||
| No, I remember I worked with somebody who I love, who I don't want to really go into it, but she had had plastic surgery and kept an eye on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And when she smiled, when she laughed, her face didn't move. | ||
| She would go... | ||
| That was fucking scary. | ||
| That's that Botox. | ||
| Could be Botox. | ||
| You're shooting a poison in your face. | ||
| Oh yeah, a guy who used to run a casino in Vegas, he had Botox and he was going, give me an emotion. | ||
| I go, happiness. | ||
| He would never make a face. | ||
| He couldn't move his face. | ||
| Does that look better? | ||
| Well, it just looks tighter. | ||
| I don't know if it looks better. | ||
| I think you just gotta deal with the fact that you're getting older, bitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That shit is just weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I need to get some Botox for my girlfriend's pussy. | |
| Oh, man. | ||
| You know, you don't say much, but when you come in, bam, the show comes to a lot. | ||
| We realize while you're here. | ||
| Your true talent shines. | ||
| Did you feel the halt this show came to when he made that confident? | ||
| He swings on a lot of pitches, and I'm trying to get him to calm down at the plate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was my 3 p.m. | |
| halt. | ||
| That was your what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
3 p.m. | |
| halt, because I heard Don had to leave at 3. Oh, do you have to leave at 3? | ||
| I can do another 15 minutes. | ||
| All right, another 15 minutes. | ||
| 10, 15. That's why you did it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Really? | ||
| You planned it out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| You are smart, man. | ||
| I take it back. | ||
| He's sort of like a suicide bomber for podcasts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER Yeah, you see the difference? | |
| Is your podcast available on iTunes? | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| And what is it? | ||
| Is it under Laugh Factory? | ||
| They started with Laugh Factory, Dom Herrera Live, or something. | ||
| Now it's Dom Herrera Live at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| We should figure out how these people can find this, Tom. | ||
| How do they find this? | ||
| I know. | ||
| That should be better. | ||
| I mean, don't you think when you ask me about the Tropicana, I should know how to call it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I better get over. | ||
| I've got to do some press and fillings. | ||
| Yeah, well, you're one of the great comedians of our era, and you're out here with a barely functional website and very little Twitter presence. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Do you use the Twitter now? | ||
| I see you have it. | ||
| I have it. | ||
| My goddaughter moved in with me yesterday, so with her living there, she's going to keep me updated. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| You can't do it yourself? | ||
| You've given up on the idea of doing it yourself? | ||
| I've done it myself at times. | ||
| But you know, my thing is, I have mostly sports things that come to my head. | ||
| People like that. | ||
| Bill Burr does sports shit all the time. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| And people get mad at him. | ||
| Oh, I'm going to unfollow you if you do one more sports quote. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| Really? | ||
| It fucking gets real mad at you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You should do his show. | ||
| He's fun. | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| He just did mine the other day. | ||
| He's terrific, isn't he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's done this podcast. | ||
| He's done the Ice House Chronicles one. | ||
| You've got to do that sometimes, Dom. | ||
| That is the most fun. | ||
| He's done? | ||
| He's done Ice House Chronicles? | ||
| Did you, Dom? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, you did it when I wasn't here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, you did it when I wasn't here. | ||
| When all the boys are here? | ||
| Yeah, when everybody's hanging around. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| They're so much fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not this Friday coming up, but next Friday. | ||
| Are you around, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Let's do the Ice House. | ||
| We do have one this Friday. | ||
| You have one this Friday? | ||
| Who's on this Friday? | ||
| I think it's going to be mostly the Bone Zone guys, but I haven't really put the complete show together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll announce it next day or so. | |
| Let's set one up for the 29th. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don Barris is definitely doing it, though. | |
| Powerful Don Barris. | ||
| We'll set one up for the 29th next Friday. | ||
| Alright, fella? | ||
| Alright, sexy face? | ||
| Make it happen? | ||
| I like that hat. | ||
| But, Dom, if you're ever around on a weekend, you've got to come and join us on one of these Ice House shows. | ||
| I love that stuff. | ||
| I love hanging out with everybody. | ||
| The crowds are fucking amazing. | ||
| It's all podcast fans now. | ||
| I was talking to Bob Fisher about when he was saying when you tell the people to come. | ||
| I said, I was here on a Wednesday night at midnight. | ||
| There's no club in the city that's packed on Wednesday night at midnight. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| It was sold out too. | ||
| And it was so fun. | ||
| The crowds are amazing. | ||
| And you've got some great fans. | ||
| Smart. | ||
| I'm saying they're smart because they laugh at us. | ||
| Well, we're super lucky. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We pulled it off somehow or another. | ||
| But it's by... | ||
| It's by what those guys in Ireland were saying. | ||
| It's by just telling people, you know, what's helped you. | ||
| Telling people what you're really into. | ||
| Stop pretending. | ||
| Everybody tell the goddamn truth. | ||
| My nephew's 20, and he's never been more excited about me being on anything since Hey Arnold, right, when he was a kid. | ||
| Because they don't really relate to, like, Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld and all. | ||
| They don't relate to any of those credits. | ||
| They love this. | ||
| They love like you with the tough, you know, AMA guy who's funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
AMA. Ask me anything. | |
| American Medical Association. | ||
| See how fucked up they are. | ||
| They gotta have a good act, Joe, huh? | ||
| Thank you for your therapy. | ||
| Well, that's awesome. | ||
| Well, if there's anything we could do to make this world a little bit better place is help the young men. | ||
| Help the young men that are coming up and give them some sort of fucking perspective that's different than the one they're getting every day, either at work or in school or in the media. | ||
| Getting this perspective that you have to be some asshole who doesn't exist. | ||
| Some guy who doesn't exist. | ||
| You have to fucking... | ||
| You have to abide by their silly laws of political correctness. | ||
| You can't tell the truth. | ||
| You can't be honest about what you like. | ||
| It's a fucking terrible place where people have to live in just this shitty state of despair all the time. | ||
| It's not necessary. | ||
| I like to watch two women. | ||
| Sometimes I get a little lazy. | ||
| Holla! | ||
| Do you like watching two women? | ||
| What, like a video? | ||
| That doesn't really do it for me. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, I guess if they were right there in real life, I'd be like, wow, this is crazy to watch. | ||
| I've only seen it once in real life. | ||
| Well, I've seen it a couple times, but once that was like a video where they were actually making a video. | ||
| And it was like one of the most sexless things I've ever seen. | ||
| Oh, you saw them filming it. | ||
| Yeah, it was real weird. | ||
| One of the dudes who was a writer for news radio was a porno writer as well. | ||
| Oh yeah, porno writer. | ||
| I think you're going to score. | ||
| He dated a bunch of girls that were in the business. | ||
| This was a long time ago. | ||
| We're talking about like 95. 4, I guess. | ||
| Somewhere around then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he broke up with this girl. | |
| Because they were out at dinner. | ||
| And this is when reality set in to him. | ||
| They were out at dinner. | ||
| And she was just really tired. | ||
| And she wasn't in. | ||
| And he was like, what's the matter? | ||
| Did I say something? | ||
| She's like, oh no. | ||
| I had to do anal with this guy all day. | ||
| And it's just, God. | ||
| Don't you hate that? | ||
| And all he could think of is like, what? | ||
| Can't wait till Friday. | ||
| How does that even fit in to the world that I'm living in? | ||
| How is it that the woman I love is taking dick in her ass all day at work? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Yeah, that's quite the job. | ||
| I remember we were at the Riviera. | ||
| Steve Sharippa was there. | ||
| And, you know, he didn't want to go up. | ||
| I mean, Steve is very faithful to his wife. | ||
| You know Steve, right? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| And he tells me, he says, you want to go up and watch them shoot porn or up in the penthouse? | ||
| I'll get you up there. | ||
| I said, yeah, I go in and this girl's peeing on this other girl. | ||
| I go, wow, this is romantic. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Are they in the tub or something? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then that night, we went up there and me and Sophie, Sophie wanted to see it, my girlfriend, you know. | ||
| And the girls needed so much attention, but when they weren't getting attention, there's one girl who lays down on the piano, and she goes, you want to see my trick? | ||
| And she put a cigar holder, like a little capsule that they put cigars in, like a metal thing. | ||
| She put it inside of her, and she popped it out. | ||
| But she shot it so hard, it fucking hurt the girl's forehead. | ||
| She was like, she's standing there, and the girl goes, pew! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you imagine? | |
| Oh, fuck! | ||
| Left a permanent mark. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What happened to you? | ||
| I don't want to talk about it. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you're right about having the wife and, you know, a husband and wife and one of them does porn and the other doesn't and both of them do it. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| So this dude took me to a set and these girls were doing it. | ||
| And it was Jill, Kelly, and Janine. | ||
| Sadly to say, I'm a fan. | ||
| They're both beautiful. | ||
| Janine is really her. | ||
| Yeah, and this was back in the day. | ||
| She only had, I don't know if she had any tattoos. | ||
| Maybe she had a couple, but now she's like fully sleeved and shit. | ||
| Oh yeah, I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| And they were just two girls like eating each other out. | ||
| I was like, this is just so strange. | ||
| Without the music and the whole. | ||
| The whole thing, watching the cameras, you know, circle them and seeing the lights and the guy with the boom mic. | ||
| And I was like, this is so odd. | ||
| It just seems so strange. | ||
| Has anybody got any gum? | ||
| It was just real, almost like clinical or something. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| It didn't seem like, you know, like if these are two girls and they were just sitting on the couch and all of a sudden one girl just started eating the girl's ass, he'd be like, whoa, what the fuck? | ||
| Fuck, like you'd be nervous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| You'd be like, what is happening here? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| But to watch it, like to go and like it's sort of orchestrated and action. | ||
| Okay, you know, I want two fingers now. | ||
| Okay, let's spit on it. | ||
| Spit on it. | ||
| Put your ass higher. | ||
| Raise your... | ||
| I was at the Magic Castle and a friend of mine and one of the dancers from the Cher tour came in who I knew years ago. | ||
| So I can just say that because there's so many of them. | ||
| And we go back to my house, and we're by the pool table, and Christy, you know, my old girlfriend comes out, and I shouldn't say her name. | ||
| Well, it doesn't matter. | ||
| It's not her last name. | ||
| I still love you. | ||
| And she has huge breasts, and she took her bra off and just had her T-shirt on. | ||
| They were sticking straight out, and the girl just casually walks over to her, lifts her thing, and starts sucking her tits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| And me and my friend, Ollie, we're just, like, there, like, holy shit. | ||
| And, you know, Russell Peters always does that joke about acting like he's going to jerk you off. | ||
| It's a joke. | ||
| He's like, hey, come here, let me take care of you today, tough guy. | ||
| And it was just so odd. | ||
| And it was sexy to a point, and then... | ||
| One of the girls wanted to go down, the other one, that's where I drew the line. | ||
| Imagine if there were as many, like, really openly bisexual men as there were openly bisexual girls. | ||
| Yeah, it's just different. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Well, it's different because it's bullshit. | ||
| Because a lot of them aren't really bisexual. | ||
| Some of them are, for sure. | ||
| Are you calling them fakers? | ||
| I'm saying they're faking, Dom. | ||
| They're putting on an act for us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah! | |
| See? | ||
| Don't break my fantasy. | ||
| And there's no stigma attached to it. | ||
| No social stigma. | ||
| Some girls genuinely like girls, of course. | ||
| But there's a lot of fake lesbians out there. | ||
| We all know this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know the girls that are in the porn that are girls are all real. | |
| Oh yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of them. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Not all those girls. | ||
| You can't say all those girls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Most of them. | |
| I mean, if they're not gay, they tell you. | ||
| Well, I'm not talking about girls that are, like, into hardcore sex, either. | ||
| I'm talking about girls, like, making out with girls at bars and shit like that, where they don't actually do anything more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah. | |
| There's a lot of that going on, where they're doing it for attention. | ||
| Well, you ever hear of lugs? | ||
| Lugs? | ||
| Lugs. | ||
| It's a phrase in high school and college, the girls use. | ||
| It's lesbian until graduation. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, like some girls just take... | ||
| That's new? | ||
| Well, I just... | ||
| One of my friend's daughters is a lug. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's what she said. | ||
| She said she's only going to be a lesbian until she graduates. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then what happens? | ||
| She graduates to cock. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what happens. | ||
| I like how you said that. | ||
| You raised your eyebrows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a cock. | |
| No rules! | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Lesbian until... | ||
| I've heard gay for the stay for guys that go into prison. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You never heard of that? | ||
| No. | ||
| They go gay while they're in prison only? | ||
| Just gay for the stay? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You never heard that, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Well, you don't watch enough Mexican gang movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't watch enough Mexican gay porn. | |
| Settle down. | ||
| I don't think that exists. | ||
| Does it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah, you know because you're watching all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's a trap! | |
| Oh, I tricked you. | ||
| I drew you into my less than obvious web. | ||
| My lair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your gay cave. | |
| I caught you in a gay trap. | ||
| You fell on some gay spears. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dominic Herrera! | |
| Joseph, thank you for having me on, my brother. | ||
| It's always a pleasure, my friend. | ||
| We've got to do this more often. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| We're back to playing pool at least once a month, it seems like. | ||
| I'm back after the 4th of July, after I did the Atlantic City gig. | ||
| I'll come back. | ||
| I'm taking a couple days there, and then I'll be here for at least a month. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| What are you doing this week? | ||
| What do you got going on this week? | ||
| This week I'm doing a thing for all the radio guys in Miami Beach, like all the disc jockeys. | ||
| It's called Boot Camp for all the morning hosts. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| That'll be fun. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| I just do stand-up. | ||
| Is it like a show? | ||
| Well, I'm the show. | ||
| I'm just giving them a break from all the... | ||
| It's like a convention. | ||
| Oh, I see, I see. | ||
| And then they hire comedians to come and perform at the convention. | ||
| Oh, I didn't even know that disc jockeys have conventions like that? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know either. | ||
| I mean, I'd heard about it, but I never saw it. | ||
| Why don't we have a fucking convention? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why not? | |
| We should have a fucking convention. | ||
| We need a Death Squad celebration. | ||
| Well, that's what Montreal is like. | ||
| Well, the Death Squad would be fun. | ||
| I'd love hanging out with those guys. | ||
| Yeah, Montreal, that's one place. | ||
| That's a legit celebration and gathering of comedians. | ||
| But after a while, I stopped doing it because it was like it would kind of cost you money. | ||
| If I spend like a week and a half in a place, I can't spend that much time away. | ||
| You created your own niche. | ||
| You're smart. | ||
| That's why I'm surprised you're going to Brazil. | ||
| Well, I like working for the UFC too. | ||
| I think you've got to do more than one thing in life. | ||
| I'm not happy when I'm doing only one thing. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I told you I'm doing Raging Bull 2 next week. | ||
| I've got a one-day shoot. | ||
| I'm playing Joey Lewis. | ||
| Raging Bull 2. First of all, I guess Jake LaMotta must have all the rights to his own life. | ||
| I don't know how they could do it. | ||
| I think it's under his auspices. | ||
| It doesn't seem like Raging Bull to me without De Niro and Scorsese, but I heard the script was really good. | ||
| Who's doing it? | ||
| Who's directing it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Zac Efron is... | |
| Jason Bieber as... | ||
| Spencer Pratt as... | ||
| Did you look it up? | ||
| Who's in it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I don't know. | |
| I think it's on... | ||
| Isn't that funny, though? | ||
| One day at the Tropicana, one day, Raging Bull 2. Yeah, so this Raging Bull 2, what's the premise? | ||
| Is it his later life? | ||
| After boxing? | ||
| Who plays him? | ||
| I think Joe Bologna. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It looks like it's... | |
| There's a guy named Joe Bologna. | ||
| You never heard of Joe Bologna? | ||
| Don't say it like that. | ||
| William Forrest. | ||
| Bologna. | ||
| Bologna is like, we call it Bologna. | ||
| But Italy has a city. | ||
| I know that Italy has a city, but that city can go fuck itself. | ||
| That's Bologna. | ||
| Hey, take it easy, Joe. | ||
| Who's William Forsyth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Montagna. | |
| Joe Montagna. | ||
| Oh, Joe Montagna, the actor? | ||
| Oh, he's a good actor. | ||
| The famous actor? | ||
| He's a great actor. | ||
| Paul Sorvino's in it? | ||
| Oh, this is like a legit cast. | ||
| Natasha Hendricks? | ||
| She's the chick from Species. | ||
| It wasn't legit when I was just in it. | ||
| No, it wasn't. | ||
| No, it took away credibility. | ||
| I had Penelope Ann Miller. | ||
| Okay, that is a very legit cast. | ||
| There's a lot of people. | ||
| I'm trying to scroll. | ||
| Am I listed? | ||
| Does it say Dama Rare in there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| What kind of bullshit is this, Dom? | ||
| I think it does. | ||
| It better be goddamn listed. | ||
| They did last week. | ||
| Maybe they took me out. | ||
| They don't want a death squad boycott. | ||
| You'll be listed. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Dom Herrera. | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| That's my Tommy voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you're still listed. | |
| I'm listed. | ||
| And you're also listed right before that for Pound Puppies, which is cute. | ||
|
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Pound Puppies? | |
| Am I really? | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Dom, you were on Pound Puppies? | ||
| Yo, I don't want to talk about it. | ||
| I don't want to ruin my Tang Guy image. | ||
| I was a beautiful dog from Pound Puppies. | ||
| I think... | ||
| You were the fraud princess. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
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Or you were your princess. | |
| I was so beautiful, I thought I was a girl. | ||
| But I was really a tough guy looking for a little... | ||
| Bada boom. | ||
| Who was my father in that? | ||
| Or my owner? | ||
|
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I don't know. | |
| Ted, like some famous actor that used to be on that. | ||
| Where are you? | ||
| Which one are you, Doc? | ||
| I can't tell by looking. | ||
| I think I'm the one with the... | ||
| Let's get some volume on this. | ||
| I never heard it. | ||
|
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Pound puppies. | |
| Homeward pound. | ||
|
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Now go dogs, go! | |
| Well, I'll be a Malamute's uncle. | ||
| Bonus features include a lesson on how to draw lucky. | ||
| I'm not necessarily in this one. | ||
| Have some fun with Holy shit. | ||
| Hey, Joe, you got to make a living, all right? | ||
| That looks like it's designed to rob children of their brain cells. | ||
| It sucks your brain out. | ||
| When did you do that one? | ||
| Last year. | ||
| I played a few dogs in a few movies. | ||
| I don't want to brag. | ||
| I was in... | ||
| What was the book? | ||
|
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Buck at the Barnyard you were in. | |
| What was Kevin James? | ||
|
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You were Duke the Dog. | |
| I was Duke the Dog. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| And you also were in... | ||
| Never Age, Joe. | ||
| Cartoons is the way to go. | ||
| Cartoons is a great gig. | ||
|
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Animation. | |
| If you could be like a voice of the symptoms, like Harry Shearer. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, Harry Shearer's rolling. | ||
| He's been doing that forever. | ||
|
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You were on Dr. Katz a lot. | |
| Yeah, I was on the most. | ||
|
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I love that show. | |
| I love that guy. | ||
| Yeah, John Katz. | ||
| He's a hilarious comic. | ||
| And what was the other one... | ||
| Hey Arnold, I mentioned that earlier. | ||
| Yeah, what was Hey Arnold again? | ||
| Hey Arnold was great. | ||
| He was a kid with the football head. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| He had like a football head and he lived in a boarding house. | ||
| He didn't have parents, but his grandparents and all the people loved him and took care of him. | ||
| And I was Ernie Potts, demolition guy. | ||
| I'll level it today. | ||
| He wanted to level everything. | ||
| That's Hey Arnold. | ||
|
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He's like Stewie, but grown up. | |
| You like doing, like, little kid shows and cartoon voices and stuff? | ||
| It's fun, right? | ||
| It's been such a great contrast for my lives in nightclubs, you know? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Yeah, I got to read a kid's book once. | ||
| You'd be great at it, man. | ||
| You'd do a lot of voices. | ||
| Yeah, I could do some fake voices. | ||
| They're real, Joe. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'd do them, they're real. | ||
| You know, some kid, she was so dumb, she goes, I was Duke the dog, and I was in my DUI class. | ||
| I took my, one of my teachers, his kid loved barnyards, so I took a picture of Duke and signed it for her. | ||
| She goes, you don't look like Duke. | ||
| I'm thinking, you fucking idiot. | ||
| It's a cartoon. | ||
| How old was the kid? | ||
| She was like eight or nine. | ||
| It's You called the 8 or 9 year old a fucking idiot. | ||
| She was. | ||
| She was a cute kid but my god. | ||
| Can't you tell it's animated? | ||
| And on that note, Dom Irira. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Thank you for stopping by. | ||
| It's always a pleasure, Dom. | ||
|
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You're one of the funniest comics of all time and I'm proud to call you a friend. | |
| Love you, Rogan. | ||
| Powerful Dom Herrera can be found on Twitter. | ||
| It's two R's in the beginning. | ||
|
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Dom Herrera. | |
| Right? | ||
| Two in the beginning? | ||
|
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|
I-R-R-E-R-A. I-R-R-E-R-A. Don't fuck that up. | |
| I-R-R-E-R-A. Follow him on Twitter. | ||
| I promise he will use it as well as this young relative. | ||
| It will get Dom Herrera to post photos. | ||
| Perhaps an account with Instagram. | ||
| Brian, can we make this happen? | ||
|
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|
Nah. | |
| Nah. | ||
| What the fuck are you saying, son? | ||
| It's not that early! | ||
| Instagram can eat my dick. | ||
| Brian says Instagram can eat his dick. | ||
| You hear that, Instagram? | ||
| I say you reach out to Brian. | ||
|
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Especially since they're owned by Facebook now. | |
| I like Facebook. | ||
| What, you hate Facebook? | ||
|
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|
Facebook's lame now. | |
| Don't be rude. | ||
| Don't be mean. | ||
| Facebook's lame. | ||
|
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|
This was live? | |
| This was live. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| This motherfucker and Facebook. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with Facebook, son. | ||
|
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|
Facebook's boring. | |
| Don't be a hater. | ||
| MySpace isn't even boring. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Brian, you're a good kid. | ||
| Get it together. | ||
|
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|
So you haven't felt that lately you don't like Facebook as much? | |
| Oh, quite honestly. | ||
| It's already turning into MySpace for me. | ||
| I don't even like going to it. | ||
| No, quite honestly, I barely use it. | ||
| I use it a little bit for gigs, and I'll answer the occasional email. | ||
|
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Don't worry about it! | |
| Love ya! | ||
| Thanks to the Fleshlight. | ||
| Go to JoeRogin.net, click on the link, enter in the code name ROGIN, save yourself 10%. | ||
| Thanks to OnIt.com. | ||
| Oh, did I say 10? | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| No, 10 is the next one. | ||
| I should do these in order. | ||
|
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|
They should both be 15. They should be 15, goddammit. | |
| We'll get on that. | ||
| Oh, we'll get on it. | ||
|
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|
Get on it. | |
| That's a lot to give people every week. | ||
|
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|
Just raise it $5. | |
| I think Fleshlight's only good once. | ||
|
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|
Just raise it 5%. | |
| You can't be like some pervert trying to save 15% off every week, jacking off into fake pussies. | ||
| That's the end. | ||
| Show's over. | ||
| Onnit.com, codename Rogan, 10% off there. | ||
| Get some kettlebells, son. | ||
| Stack on some fucking meat, son. | ||
| Get yourself some farmer strength. | ||
| Alright, you dirty bitches. | ||
| We'll see you next week. | ||
| We've got a lot of people next week. | ||
| We're still trying to get in touch with Josh Barnett, but we've got Giorgio Tsoukalos next week, Jim Norton next week, and... | ||
|
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|
What? | |
| Jim Norton? | ||
| Yes, powerful Jim Norton on the 27th. | ||
|
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|
Sweet. | |
| And then on Friday, we've got Adam Skorgy, who is the writer, director, producer of the movie The Union, that cannabis documentary that I was in many years back. | ||
| Holla at your boy! | ||
| See you dirty bitches next week. | ||
|
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|
Big kiss! | |
| Love y'all! |
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