June 6, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:39:13
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| the joe rogan experience podcast is brought to you by the fleshless A lot of people are like, what the fuck is that? | ||
| You leave your Ustream on and then it just comes on to that. | ||
| The fuck did I do, man? | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by The Fleshlight. | ||
| And if you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, You will save yourself a lot of money. | ||
| We found out, 15% to be exact, we found out that the Joe Rogan experienced listeners who call into the fleshlight are much more likely to buy them, the people that click on the website, much more likely to buy them than the average listener. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Many, many, many times, which is kind of crazy, but maybe sad. | ||
| Maybe we're all a bunch of fucking twisted perverts. | ||
| Yeah, your listeners are all pervs. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net, there's also a link for AlphaBrain. | ||
| What's AlphaBrain, Joe? | ||
| Oh, do you have any? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| I just need more. | ||
| I've now become you, Joe. | ||
| Since you gave me that last bottle, I begin it every morning. | ||
| All the issues that people started having about sensitivity, we've eradicated them. | ||
| I was one of them. | ||
| But it still has the same kick to it. | ||
| You have to go to onnit.com for all the information because I'm not a fucking scientist and I'm a little stoned. | ||
| But on it is O-N-N-I-T and what AlphaBrain is is a nootropic. | ||
| It is a cognitive enhancing supplement. | ||
| You know, it's a very slippery slope when you start advertising shit. | ||
| You know, when you start selling things and people know that the words that are coming out of your mouth are designed to make money. | ||
| And so they just assume that you'll be full of shit. | ||
| Like, I can't tell you how many fucking assholes I've had to deal with online that say that, oh, it's a fucking placebo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're ripping people off for a placebo. | |
| It is absolutely not a placebo. | ||
| There's no way nootropics would get to this point through the scientific community, through the supplement community. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| These are not placebos. | ||
| They use them on Alzheimer's patients. | ||
| There's a considerable amount of both anecdotal evidence, research, and more research is being done, and particularly by us. | ||
| We're running it right now. | ||
| We're running some double-blind placebo study. | ||
| It takes months to do these things, and I don't want to talk too much about it until after it's over. | ||
| But if the results are bad, I'll tell you. | ||
| Do not worry. | ||
| If the results are good, I'll tell you. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| I believe in supplements. | ||
| I've always used them. | ||
| I take every day. | ||
| I take fish oil. | ||
| I take chelated minerals. | ||
| I take multivitamins. | ||
| When I don't, I don't feel as good. | ||
| I don't have as much energy. | ||
| When my diet sucks, I don't feel as good either. | ||
| When I'm not eating healthy, I don't feel as good. | ||
| I believe it's very important to take care of this body, to take care of this vehicle. | ||
| It doesn't mean, you know, that you have to fucking be a vegan and you can't ever have cheat days and eat ice cream. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| I just think the majority of the food that goes into your body should be healthy. | ||
| The majority. | ||
| If you want to have a burger one day... | ||
| Have a fucking burger, man. | ||
| What are you going to live forever? | ||
| But the majority of your food should be healthy. | ||
| And on top of that, I am a big fan of supplementation. | ||
| There's a thing that I was talking about. | ||
| Sleduline. | ||
| Is this some new compound that's supposed to also... | ||
| It's some new one. | ||
| I just took it today for the very first time. | ||
| So I'll tell you what it does. | ||
| If it makes me feel any different. | ||
| I just took it like an hour ago. | ||
| So I'm not even sure when it kicks in. | ||
| I wish there should be, though, somebody that regulates all of these to make sure that you should be able to take what you're taking and alpha brain, you know, like mixing that kind of shit. | ||
| Well, with vitamins, you don't have to worry about that shit, but what you can worry about is when you get into, like, compounded drugs and... | ||
| And SSRIs, like the issue that a lot of people have had with taking NuMood, which is another supplement we have, which is a 5-HTP supplement. | ||
| And 5-HTP, there are issues that people have that are taking antidepressants. | ||
| So if you're taking an antidepressant, essentially it's giving you a bunch of dopamine, a bunch of serotonin, rather. | ||
| And it's giving it to you, like the antidepressants are, you're getting it from the antidepressants, and you're also getting it from the 5-HTP. Which is really, basically, a natural antidepressant. | ||
| I mean, the word antidepressant, I mean, what is really going on? | ||
| Well, what's really going on is when you're depressed, your serotonin is down. | ||
| It doesn't necessarily mean that your life is any different, but now, all of a sudden, you're enjoying it. | ||
| And there's a big debate on that, you know? | ||
| There's a big debate on whether that's smart and whether or not A lot of people are taking antidepressants and fucking with their brain chemistry when what is really going on is they're in a shit stage of their life and if they can learn by these bad feelings and learn by the lessons they could possibly move to a better place in life where you know you eliminate all these things that are making you feel bad improve upon all these areas that you have real problems with and then you won't have these bad feelings all the time you won't be quote unquote depressed but I know people that have had fucked up | ||
| lives man That have used antidepressants and gotten themselves back on track and then weaned themselves off of it and are really happy today. | ||
| I have a friend that for, you know, he was on the verge of committing suicide, he said. | ||
| He was super, super depressed, terrible life, terrible childhood, you know, very abusive childhood. | ||
| But when he got on antidepressants, he got his shit together. | ||
| And then once he got his shit together, he met his wife, he fell in love, he started a business, became very successful with his business, then slowly weaned himself off the antidepressants. | ||
| And now he's very happy. | ||
| And he's convinced that his state of mind was directly related, his depression was directly related to how shit his life was. | ||
| But antidepressants saved his life. | ||
| You know, if everybody's story was like that, I wouldn't even be remotely skeptical. | ||
| You know, I would say, hey, you know, obviously this is a great thing, but human beings, we're some slothy fucking slovenly cunts. | ||
| And if we find just any excuse to take a pill, oh, I need a Xanax. | ||
| I can't deal. | ||
| I can't deal. | ||
| There's a lot of that going on. | ||
| I'm with some trim spa. | ||
| That'll help me out. | ||
| I'm so glad I need trim spa. | ||
| I still have a bottle of trim spot. | ||
| That shit will kill you. | ||
| No, it won't. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's not Fen-Fen, right? | ||
| No, I don't know what it is. | ||
| It's not like... | ||
| Rip fuel. | ||
| Rip fuel will kill you. | ||
| I used to do rip fuel. | ||
| In high school. | ||
| It won't kill everybody. | ||
| It only kills pussies. | ||
| But it will kill you. | ||
| If you're crazy. | ||
| I don't know why I used to do that, though. | ||
| I think it was like... | ||
| Speed? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Speed. | ||
| It is speed. | ||
| Just like caffeine is speed. | ||
| Caffeine is speed. | ||
| What is speed? | ||
| Speed is a nickname for things that are accelerants. | ||
| Things that fucking fire your heart rate through the roof. | ||
| That shit's terrible to do jujitsu on. | ||
| I did jujitsu on it once. | ||
| I almost had a heart attack. | ||
| Because it was like being on crank. | ||
| Your heart is already pounding too hard. | ||
| And jujitsu is all about maintaining your heart rate. | ||
| It's all about keeping a pace going and not wearing out. | ||
| If you just try to sprint real quick, then you're going to get tired, and then the guy's going to choke you. | ||
| It's all about... | ||
| And then the rip fuel is the worst for that shit. | ||
| It's terrible for your cardio. | ||
| I remember the bottle. | ||
| I can see the logo. | ||
| It's not legal, right? | ||
| They got rid of it, right? | ||
| They might have changed the formula. | ||
| Because I feel like I've seen it recently. | ||
| My point about all this alpha brain, all this supplement stuff, is anything that I'm telling you about is something that I use and I believe in. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I don't need to do this. | ||
| I don't need to sell these things. | ||
| I'm selling these things because they're legit, because I support them, because I use them, I get the benefits from them, I believe in them, and then, after all that, we make money from them. | ||
| We make it as fair as possible. | ||
| I'm trying to rip off no one. | ||
| I want everyone to feel like they had a good interaction. | ||
| So the way it works is when you buy your first order of 30 pills, if you don't like it, you get 100% of your money back. | ||
| You don't have to send the pills back. | ||
| You don't have to send the bottle back. | ||
| You don't have to do shit. | ||
| You just say, this sucks. | ||
| Give me my money back. | ||
| That's how much we believe that you will like it and you will want to keep using it. | ||
| There's nothing better in this life than doing your best to improve your quality of thinking and the quality of thinking that you have. | ||
| When you've done your best and you're taking care of your body and you improve your quality of thinking, you make better choices. | ||
| When you make better choices and you think about things better, your life becomes better. | ||
| I think there's no more important thing In this life than maintaining a quality of thinking. | ||
| And that's what I use Alphabrain for. | ||
| And that's why I endorse it. | ||
| That's why I take three of these bitches before every podcast. | ||
| You did three? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| How many do you check? | ||
| Two. | ||
| Yeah, I take four and it gave me a jitter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the last one I used to take three, but then I started getting a slight headache. | ||
| Four was like I had a shaky hand when I was playing pool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just think, you know, if you were playing football or something crazy, I think four would be great. | ||
| But, you know, the thing that I've been getting into lately is the shroom tech. | ||
| The cordyceps mushrooms supplement, dude, is 100% legit. | ||
| I had way more energy than I deserved last night. | ||
| I was the last guy on the mat. | ||
| I'm never the last guy on the mat. | ||
| But I took five of those fucking things. | ||
| It says take four, but I took five. | ||
| I took five right before class. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| We're going to overdose. | ||
| It's just mushrooms. | ||
| It's just mushrooms and B12. And B12 you don't overdose on. | ||
| You piss it all out. | ||
| But man, it's amazing how you can affect your energy levels by nutrients. | ||
| Really amazing. | ||
| Like I said, I've eaten like shit for a few days. | ||
| And especially as I get older, I really feel it much more now than when I was 20. When I was 20, I felt like I could eat a cheeseburger and then go work out. | ||
| And it wouldn't even hardly bother me that much. | ||
| But now, every little thing has to be in order for my body to feel smelly. | ||
| Anyway, go to Onnit.com. | ||
| Check out all that shit. | ||
| Check out all the different supplements that are available. | ||
| I stand by them. | ||
| We've got kettlebells coming out. | ||
| They'll be coming out very soon. | ||
| I definitely want to get some of those. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think they're already up on the website. | ||
| We're just trying to figure out the pricing and the shipping. | ||
| It's very fucking expensive to ship cannonballs. | ||
| Those are like cannonballs with handles. | ||
| That's why whatever makes it heavy should be something that you could just buy at a grocery store. | ||
| Yeah, but no one's going to do that. | ||
| I wouldn't. | ||
| What if it was something like, oh yeah, it's just a bunch of pepper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Be the lightest kettlebell of all time. | |
| Pepper. | ||
| That's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard. | ||
| They have some that you fill up with water. | ||
| But again, you can't make it heavy enough. | ||
| You know, if I want a 50-pound kettlebell to train with. | ||
| I have a bowling ball bag that I bring on the road with me. | ||
| If I want to bring them on the road. | ||
| Because all I have to do is bring one. | ||
| I don't need a gym anywhere. | ||
| If I bring one 50-pound kettlebell, I got one workout that I do with a 35-pound kettlebell. | ||
| It's fucking awesome, man. | ||
| It's a brutal workout. | ||
| And it's a 35-pound kettlebell. | ||
| Yeah, I need to get them. | ||
| I always see them at Target and I always want to buy one. | ||
| I've just been using my Pekingese instead. | ||
| Dude, you know what you need to do for real? | ||
| You need to just take up something, like spinning. | ||
| I don't have time for it. | ||
| Dude, do any... | ||
| You got... | ||
| Make some time. | ||
| There's people that work full-time jobs and train for the Olympics, man. | ||
| You got time. | ||
| I'm too busy. | ||
| Son, get realistic. | ||
| If you really wanted to do something, you would join a gym. | ||
| Join a gym and go to some classes. | ||
| Go to a hardcore class where you enjoy it, somebody else is making you do it, and then it's over. | ||
| You're doing it with everybody else in the class. | ||
| It's a really easy way to get a good workout in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know a friend that's going to a yoga class, so I'm waiting until she graduates so I can be her first person. | ||
| Why don't you just go to yoga? | ||
| Because I don't want to do it in front of other people. | ||
| I want my own private yoga instructor in my bedroom or something. | ||
| You should go to yoga class and meet some chicks. | ||
| That's embarrassing. | ||
| Yoga bitches, son. | ||
| Yoga people are embarrassing. | ||
| They fart all the time. | ||
| There's too many uncomfortable moments in yoga. | ||
| Well, what's really uncomfortable is when you talk to them and they bring up like crystals and energy and that's where yoga crosses the line. | ||
| It crosses the line into fuckery when you start worshiping rocks and the energy that come off these rocks and you start, you know, sacred this and sacred that. | ||
| Unless you're fucking around and you say sacred. | ||
| You know, you have to be fucking around. | ||
| Or talking about, like, war or something like that. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's the end of the commercial. | ||
| Go to JoeRogan.net. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN. Click on the link for Alphabrain. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off. | ||
| Alright, you dirty bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All day. | |
| Powerful internets. | ||
| I gotta wear this t-shirt that I got from these kids in Canada. | ||
| Blue Gorilla Radio. | ||
| It's out in the hallway. | ||
| I'll go get it. | ||
| I just did this show in Edmonton. | ||
| Man, these fucking shows... | ||
| There's many times where we're doing these shows and hanging out after these shows where I'm like... | ||
| This feels like some sort of a weird dream or something. | ||
| This doesn't seem realistic. | ||
| When you're just sitting around, and it's just you and me, and this is how this all started. | ||
| It's you and me and a laptop. | ||
| Just sitting around. | ||
| And then you think of the fucking numbers of people now that tune into this thing. | ||
| It's very surreal because to us, we're still in the same spot. | ||
| We're still doing the same thing. | ||
| We're still sitting in my fucking hoarder's office. | ||
| This is turning into hoarder's office. | ||
| This is like Don Barris' bathroom. | ||
| I gotta throw almost everything out. | ||
| A lot of it is gifts, though, from people that... | ||
| Yeah, you have a lot of cool swag here, man. | ||
| And a lot of Apple products that are unopened. | ||
| Just the big one. | ||
| What's happening over there? | ||
| You got a bag over there with an Apple something. | ||
| Some stuff in there. | ||
| It's fun here. | ||
| Well, my hard drive crashed, so I had to get a new hard drive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I had to get a new iMac. | ||
| My shit's been acting... | ||
| All my Macs have been acting really fucked up lately. | ||
| And there's two things that are really... | ||
| What? | ||
| It's a government, man. | ||
| Well, one is iPhone has a problem that no one has been talking about, I haven't seen, where the text messages are disappearing right in front of your eyes. | ||
| Like, go sit there, open it up, and suddenly the text message just disappears. | ||
| Well, I told you, you sent me a photo, and the photo vanished. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I looked down, and I saw the preview of the photo, and I said, oh. | ||
| And then I went back to my thing. | ||
| I was in the middle of playing pool, so I didn't look at it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Then when I went back to look at it later, it was gone. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| That shit's been happening to me more and more and I don't hear anybody else talking about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the government. | |
| The government's stealing our text messages. | ||
| Our text messages. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're gonna find out how fucking boring we really are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Talk a lot of shit. | ||
| Talk a lot of shit on the podcast. | ||
| Occasionally smoke pot. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dangerous. | |
| And the second thing is the flash on Safari and Chrome and everything has been really horrible lately to the point where it's been freezing up my computer until I move the cursor down to the toolbar and then for some reason I don't have to click on anything. | ||
| I just move the cursor down to the bottom and it unfreeze everything. | ||
| And it's really weird. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| It's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Do you think that's a memory issue? | ||
| Is that... | ||
| No, it's the government, Joe. | ||
| The government, man. | ||
| Government's in Flash? | ||
| Yeah, government's in Flash. | ||
| What are they going to learn from Flash? | ||
| They could learn a lot from Flash, right? | ||
| Because I guess a lot of those probably pornos that are online are Flash, aren't they? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of them are still Flash. | ||
| But a lot of them have been switching over to HTML5, which seems to be a decent... | ||
| That's so you can watch them on iPads. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Once they realized that people were going to iPads... | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| They should figure that out by now, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's amazing how porn just evaporated before our eyes as far as like as an industry. | ||
| My next door neighbor's a porn guy was my next door neighbor years ago down the street. | ||
| And I think they just repossessed his house or something like that. | ||
| It's These guys were high on the hog. | ||
| I know dudes who are in the porn business who are making millions and millions of dollars. | ||
| They had incredible cars. | ||
| They had these beautiful houses. | ||
| These guys were making fuckloads of money selling DVDs. | ||
| Well, the internet just took the wheels out from under them. | ||
| Like, completely. | ||
| And that's an industry that's like, nobody talks about that. | ||
| Because there's some hidden sort of moral... | ||
| Like, judgment that you pass on porn. | ||
| It's like, fuck them. | ||
| They didn't deserve it. | ||
| They didn't deserve the money they were making. | ||
| You know, they deserved it. | ||
| They got it on the back of exploited women, and they, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| For whatever reason, we make a distinction. | ||
| It's legal, and it's a business, but it doesn't need to be bailed out as much as cars do. | ||
| Car companies, like, we can't lose Chevy, but if we lost vivid pictures, who gives a fuck? | ||
| But then the hypocritical aspect of it is... | ||
| This is a billion dollar industry. | ||
| Everybody's using it. | ||
| To pretend that everybody's not using it is insanity. | ||
| The amount of people that are online that are looking at porn, it's something crazy. | ||
| It's something like porn is 40% of everything online. | ||
| Something nutty like that. | ||
| I pulled that right out of my ass. | ||
| I think I might have read that, but I can't keep track of all these numbers. | ||
| You stop and think about that number. | ||
| That's a lot of goddamn people. | ||
| And everyone's pretending this industry doesn't need to be saved. | ||
| They couldn't get any respect. | ||
| If they wanted to try to get a bailout for the government because the economy went south, the government would be like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| What are you going to do, man? | ||
| What are you going to do with no porn? | ||
| How are you going to get by? | ||
| I think it's like everything. | ||
| Porn is now not making money because now the access to being able to do porn is so much easier. | ||
| Radio station DJs aren't making as much money and they're failing because now podcasting has been able to reach easily. | ||
| You can do it at your own house now and have your own radio show and that's just like TV. That's like every single thing ever now because everything's now more diluted. | ||
| You're more It's more accurate to what you want to see. | ||
| I want to see a band that says two people are dead and the drummer's still alive. | ||
| It's probably out there on the internet if that's your fetish, if that's your thing, if that's your music choice. | ||
| Where before it was kind of like whatever you were pumped or whatever was available at the CD shop. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And whatever you were sold on the local radio station. | ||
| So money's just more scattered now. | ||
| Like porn is easier now because like me, I can now watch some girl that's a waitress in fucking Indiana, you know, put a dildo in her ass for free. | ||
| You know, I'm going to watch that. | ||
| I'm going to spend my fucking, I've never spent money on porn in my life. | ||
| Now I'm fucking spending $20 a month. | ||
| Sending it to her. | ||
| And that's what a lot of these porn websites used to charge. | ||
| $20 a month. | ||
| So you go to webcam sites? | ||
| Fucking webcam sites. | ||
| These are real people. | ||
| These are real fucking people. | ||
| She's like blue collar even in your jerking off. | ||
| You're like mid-America. | ||
| You don't even like them that hot, right? | ||
| I like normal looking fucking girls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Hot, normal girls. | ||
| Six, but she's got a nice smile. | ||
| But once in a while, I'll click on the Africa checkbox on the very bottom. | ||
| On Lottie's website, you can choose what countries you want to see. | ||
| And so I'll just see a bunch of African women sitting around and going, hey! | ||
| There are a lot of lesbian African fat women, I've noticed. | ||
| Wow, they just probably get tired of dudes raping them. | ||
| They just go lesbo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, African. | ||
| What are they, are they jerking off with gourds or anything crazy like that? | ||
| No, they're pretty basic. | ||
| And it's funny, like, the vibrators into the different countries, how they look, like, the ones that they were using really did seem like antiques, you know, like wooden or, you know, something like that. | ||
| Then you click on Asia, and all those girls, they're either Vietnam, where they're using bamboo sticks and stuff like that, or they're actually Japanese, where they have these high-tech vibrators. | ||
| Ones you've never seen before that look like fucking dolphins with hats on. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How many different webcam shows have you watched? | ||
| Oh, I do it every night. | ||
| It's my new Twitter, man. | ||
| Every time I want to masturbate now, I go to MyFreeCams, and I have no connection with these guys. | ||
| It's my favorite. | ||
| MyFreeCams, I fucking love it. | ||
| I follow about five different people on it. | ||
| How does it go if you go to MyFreeCams? | ||
| Well, one, it's the worst design website ever, and I don't know who owns it. | ||
| If they ever listen to this, really spend the money on your website. | ||
| That shit's so fucking crazy. | ||
| But you just get this checkerboard of cameras. | ||
| And you just scroll down. | ||
| You choose what options you want. | ||
| You click on one of them. | ||
| And then it's usually free. | ||
| And what you do is just hang out in this chat room. | ||
| I'm looking at it now. | ||
| It's just a bunch of photos of girls. | ||
| Their ass is sticking out. | ||
| These can't all be real girls. | ||
| Yep, those are all. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Go to, like, home or what's online right now. | ||
| What's online right now? | ||
| Just click on my free camera right now. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's who's online. | ||
| Yeah, these are girls that are online. | ||
| Models online. | ||
| Yeah, these are girls that are online. | ||
| And then when you... | ||
| You just go to them? | ||
| Yeah, you go to them. | ||
| And when you log in, then it shows little previews of them. | ||
| And so every time you log in, you just see a bunch of previews. | ||
| Oh, this girl's just playing with her titties. | ||
| Yeah, she's just playing with her titties. | ||
| Wow, this is bizarre. | ||
| Bizarre. | ||
| And the thing is, is you'd never have to spend money there. | ||
| You know, ever. | ||
| But... | ||
| This is so strange. | ||
| One of my, also one of my favorite things to do is, what you do is you put 20 bucks in at a time, you get kind of like points, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so, my favorite thing to do is you can also spy on like private shows like these girls are doing with other people, you know? | ||
| And it costs more, but you kind of jump in real quick and you're just like, what's going on in this creepy room? | ||
| Like, what's this guy making this girl do? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| How can you spy on private rooms? | ||
| It will say that the show's private and then underneath it, it says, spy on private show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, so you could just sit there and... | ||
| That shit's ridiculous. | ||
| That's not private then. | ||
| Yeah, but if you know it going in, you know, you're like, all right, whatever. | ||
| Because it's a lot of money. | ||
| Like, I'll do it like 10 seconds time. | ||
| Like, right when I know I'm about to come, okay, I'll find a private show real quick. | ||
| I'm like, okay, now, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And it's a little bit hotter, yeah. | ||
| But I don't understand how they can sell it as private. | ||
| They're liars. | ||
| You could be 100% private, or you could be like this mid-private. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And so the mid-privates are what most people do, because if it's 100% private, it costs more for the person to do the private show. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So you can't... | ||
| So there's some... | ||
| People want to get really freaky, they're going to go 100% private. | ||
| 100% private. | ||
| Or just go online. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Take advantage of your area. | ||
| He probably doesn't get few. | ||
| I'll jerk off to a couple of those girls. | ||
| Old ladies? | ||
| Yeah, just because you don't see it every day. | ||
| It's like looking at a girl's ankle in the 1700s. | ||
| You don't see it. | ||
| There's old ladies or there's really old black fat ladies. | ||
| That kind of turns me on once in a while. | ||
| It's because you don't see that. | ||
| You don't masturbate to that every day. | ||
| Some of these bitches are just, they just sit there and do nothing. | ||
| Those big giant tetars. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what's cool is when you create an account, you can see it refreshes all these avatars. | ||
| You can see who's doing what. | ||
| Like, you're like, oh, I'm clicking on the girl with the dildo in her eyes. | ||
| She muted everybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How dare she? | ||
| Yeah, because that's the way you have to create an account because you can't chat until you actually put some tokens in your account. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not doing any chatting. | ||
| Well, just trust me, you will. | ||
| When you chat, what do you talk to these girls about? | ||
| I usually just say, I want to take you to Olive Garden and things like that. | ||
| And it makes them laugh every time. | ||
| They're like, you want to take me to Olive Garden? | ||
| They all love the Olive Garden. | ||
| Well, one of these days you're going to be doing this to a girl who knows the show. | ||
| Oh, it's already happened. | ||
| Dude, dude. | ||
| You tell her who you are? | ||
| Because I've talked about this website before. | ||
| I'll say like Olive Garden and people would be like, that's God for Life bitches and stuff like that. | ||
| Oh shit, that's hilarious. | ||
| Dude, a lot of our listeners are already on this shit. | ||
| There's a lot of these girls that are really hot. | ||
| I can't believe this. | ||
| This is so crazy. | ||
| It's like peering into this world of hot girls that are taking off their clothes and they're just sitting around here. | ||
| The window's really small, though. | ||
| Does it expand? | ||
| Oh, you expand it. | ||
| There's those five dots on the right side of the webcam. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| You just drag that shit. | ||
| Do whatever you want. | ||
| Do some screen camera. | ||
| No, never mind. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Screen camera. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Don't say that. | ||
| Because then they know. | ||
| Then they'll fix it. | ||
| Aw, sweetie, why are you smoking? | ||
| That bums me out. | ||
| A lot of marijuana use. | ||
| Marijuana use doesn't bum me out, man. | ||
| But when I see a chick with a cigarette, I'm like, sweet. | ||
| There's this black girl, I wish I could remember her name on it, and she never really shows her face too much, but she has a hot body, and she always has this huge fucking dildo just suction cupped onto the coffee table, and the camera's always just her butt just teasing it, like she's just gonna take the whole thing, but she talks like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, I'm such a bad little girl, daddy. | |
| Do you want to take this, daddy? | ||
| And it's like the creepiest thing. | ||
| Do you know how they have those previews? | ||
| Like if you click on some porn sites, they have like a preview. | ||
| You have to watch their commercial for their cam site before they show you their actual porn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had, you know, you get different ones every time. | ||
| I don't know who is editing these fucking things, but one of them was this chick. | ||
| She was at least, like, I would say 35, 40 pounds overweight. | ||
| She was black as coal, and the bottom of her feet were in front of the camera. | ||
| So the bottom of her feet, which were really pink, It was like an odd pink. | ||
| And her feet are like bucking in front of the camera while she is fucking the shit out of her black, black pussy with this dildo. | ||
| It could not have been a least sexual thing. | ||
| It was like grunting and shit. | ||
| I guess it was sexual if that's what you're into. | ||
| But for me, it was like, what the fuck? | ||
| I would put my boner away. | ||
| You made me watch that for a minute? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like, what are you trying to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who's looking at that and going, yeah, she'll fuck me. | |
| There's certain girls where you go, she'll fuck you. | ||
| You look at the guys they fuck on film and the things that people do to them. | ||
| Girls that drink a glass of cum or guys pull their lids open and shoot loads in their eyes. | ||
| That girl will fuck you. | ||
| That poor kid doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. | ||
| She's a little fuck zombie. | ||
| On my free cam, just try to search for this name, Apple Bottom Teen. | ||
| That's the black chick, and if she's online, just turn up your speakers and fucking sit back and enjoy life. | ||
| I can't watch this and do a show at the same time. | ||
| It'd be too distracting. | ||
| Do you want a blanket for your boner, dude? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here. | |
| Joe's been sitting here watching the stream. | ||
| What if your jacket makes my boner bigger? | ||
| Hey, I've been sitting on it and it's warm. | ||
| It might feel good. | ||
| Oh, I bet it would. | ||
| So, what is the profit? | ||
| How do they make profit from this site? | ||
| The girls get a fraction of whatever money is donated to them. | ||
| And I don't think it's very good. | ||
| I'm sure there's other websites that are a lot better, like MyFreeCamps that does not pay the girls as good as a lot of the other websites. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Wow, this bitch's name is FuckMeHard. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you find Apple Bottom Team, dude, you're going to love it. | ||
| Some bitches just leave their camera and leave the room. | ||
| That shit is rude. | ||
| Oh, there's a lot of that, too. | ||
| Fuck me hard. | ||
| How dare you fuck me hard, 69? | ||
| You just need to see in your fucking computer desk. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| They just get lazy. | ||
| They probably live their whole day in front of the webcam just trying to collect money. | ||
| Wow, what a weird way for chicks to get attention. | ||
| And some of them really fucking love it, I bet. | ||
| They love that every time they log on, there's thousands of guys waiting to beat off to them. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's got to be kind of a trip. | ||
| And I bet if a lot of chicks have shit jobs and they start doing this and raking in the cash... | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| You know how... | ||
| I mean, just like doing podcasting from your house. | ||
| How easy is it that you can just now have a job that you can do from your house? | ||
| And that's what these girls are doing. | ||
| They're like, why do I want to be a waitress at Chili's when I can fucking make twice as much at home just fucking showing my butthole? | ||
| Yeah, isn't it? | ||
| What a crazy roll of the dice it is for a girl to be born hot. | ||
| Such a powerful fucking roll of the dice. | ||
| Because it's really all you need for a lot of these girls. | ||
| I mean, all they need is just to have the right bone structure and the right dimensions and the right look and boom, everybody. | ||
| I mean, it's just like hitting the lottery. | ||
| I guess it sort of is for a dude too, but a dude's still gotta go out and fucking make something happen. | ||
| You can't be a loser and look like that. | ||
| There's no losers that look like... | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Christy Canyon. | ||
| Remember that porn star? | ||
| There's no losers that look like that. | ||
| Even though she was a porn star. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But she was so hot. | ||
| She was the best example I could put out. | ||
| What the fuck is her name? | ||
| Oh, Cindy Crawford. | ||
| It's impossible to be a loser if you look like Cindy Crawford. | ||
| You really can't be a loser. | ||
| She's just too hot. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You could be a guy and you could be the male equivalent to Cindy Crawford, bone structure-wise, handsome-wise, and still wind up fucking broken alone. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You're not going to be a loser if you look that good. | ||
| She's just too hot. | ||
| This society values it so much, somehow or another some wealthy man will find his way into her life and marry her away. | ||
| But for a dude? | ||
| Shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| You know, it's not worth as much. | ||
| It's not as much of a roll of the dice for a guy to be born good looking. | ||
| For a girl, if that's all you're trying to get done in this life, not saying that that's all every woman's trying to get done, ladies. | ||
| Don't get crazy. | ||
| Don't get angry at me. | ||
| That's not what I'm saying. | ||
| If that's all you're capable of, that's not what I'm saying. | ||
| But I'm saying, it's a fucking big deal. | ||
| It's a big deal to be hot. | ||
| Yeah, but you know, a lot of these girls in these rooms are not even hot at all, but that even makes it hotter because this girl looks like somebody that would never do this and she's doing it. | ||
| That's hot. | ||
| I love this shit, man. | ||
| I've never been more addicted to porn ever in my life, even when I was 18. How long did this start off? | ||
| When did this start happening? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I think I've always, like, Anthony, from Opie and Anthony, there used to be this website that I used to be addicted to that he's always talking about. | ||
| I forget the name of it. | ||
| It was a webcam website. | ||
| PalTalk. | ||
| PalTalk. | ||
| I used to pay for a membership for PalTalk, and one of the best things is while the show used to go on, these girls that were fans of Opie and Anthony would just be sitting there shoving vibrators in their butt, and all of us would be watching. | ||
| Even while they're doing a radio show, everyone would be watching that shit also. | ||
| Didn't you show me that once at the tattoo place? | ||
| Yeah, you were showing me. | ||
| We were at the tattoo place. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I broadcasted when you were getting your tattoo. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And PalTalk. | ||
| On PalTalk. | ||
| And then you were showing me, look at this girl. | ||
| What the fuck is she doing? | ||
| Just regular girls, finger-banging themselves. | ||
| The girl had two fingers in her butthole. | ||
| And you're like, whoa! | ||
| Jesus! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus! | |
| That was one of our first broadcasts, you know, doing that and doing green rooms. | ||
| But I remember sitting there just with my laptop just pointing at you. | ||
| How many texts a day do you get to say, death squad, bitches? | ||
| Twitters? | ||
| Twitters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I said texts. | ||
| I meant, yeah, Twitters, Facebook messages. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's funny how that all came out of some fucking silly meeting at the Opie and Anthony show. | ||
| A dumb thing to name yourselves. | ||
| Death Squad. | ||
| But because somebody else named us, we're allowed to keep it. | ||
| Have you heard the band, Death Squad? | ||
| There's a couple bands called Death Squad. | ||
| Really? | ||
| There's a song called Red Band, which is actually pretty good to listen to. | ||
| B-A-N or B-A-N-D? R-A-D-B-A-N. I think it's either the artist's name Red Band or the song is called Red Band. | ||
| It's from Medina or something. | ||
| What year did it come out? | ||
| A year ago, two years ago. | ||
| I wonder if he's a fan. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Podcast fan. | ||
| Maybe he likes you. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Do you ever want to sing again? | ||
| Because you had that hit song. | ||
| I think somebody should dubstep that song. | ||
| I really did have a song. | ||
| It was only a hit in one town, though. | ||
| Tempe? | ||
| Phoenix, yeah. | ||
| Tempe in Phoenix, Arizona. | ||
| For whatever reason, there was these guys, Tim and Mark? | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Why is it always so hard to remember? | ||
| I'm pretty sure it's Tim and Mark. | ||
| Three. | ||
| They were great guys. | ||
| And they had a radio station down there. | ||
| And they played it. | ||
| And they were one of the few people that ever played it. | ||
| And for whatever reason, it took off in one town. | ||
| I sold way more records in Phoenix than I did anywhere else. | ||
| It became one of the reasons why I filmed my 2005 special in Phoenix. | ||
| Because I just had a bigger draw there than almost anywhere. | ||
| It was real weird. | ||
| And when I started doing stand-up, people were like, do the song. | ||
| I can't fucking sing. | ||
| I only did that song because it was broken up into choruses. | ||
| We could splice it all together. | ||
| It was all done on a computer with... | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| It's Pro Tools. | ||
| You know how they do it and move everything around? | ||
| So it was like, if I just did it by myself, then I'd have to practice and actually start singing it. | ||
| I just want to do it for fun. | ||
| And the idea was Warner Brothers' executive idea. | ||
| His idea was if I came up with a song, then they could play something on the radio and it would help sell the CD. So the song was about voodoo pussy. | ||
| The song was called Voodoo Poonanny. | ||
| You can probably find it. | ||
| It's probably not even on iTunes. | ||
| Because I don't think that CD is on iTunes. | ||
| I'm gonna get it put on iTunes. | ||
| It's my first CD from 1999. Warner Brothers was bought out by Disney in the middle of my time there. | ||
| Warner Brothers Records. | ||
| Yeah, Warner Brothers Records. | ||
| I think it was Disney. | ||
| They went like super family values and my CD was dirty as fuck. | ||
| My CD started out with two guys fucking each other in the basement. | ||
| One of the most amazing, I'm sure everyone's heard it, but it was one of the most amazing skits ever. | ||
| It's one of my favorite things I've ever done because I knew that I could never do it anywhere else. | ||
| I was like, I want to write something that's so fucked up And it can't be on stage. | ||
| I can't do it on stage because I'd act it out. | ||
| It wouldn't be as funny. | ||
| You want to do it visually? | ||
| No, I don't want to actually see it. | ||
| It's better to actually just hear this. | ||
| And what it is is these two guys who are gay, but they try to pretend that they're not gay. | ||
| They just really like lifting weights. | ||
| And it always winds up them fucking each other. | ||
| And always like, you got a fucking great ass. | ||
| It's round and muscular. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I bet. | ||
| I don't even think I can get my cock in your ass. | ||
| Aw, come on! | ||
| And it became, you know, just this thing. | ||
| You know, me and Brian Callen did it. | ||
| Brian Callen's other voice in it. | ||
| And, um... | ||
| The fuck is her name? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Kelly Kirsten. | ||
| Kelly Kirsten, yes. | ||
| Kelly Kirsten. | ||
| For real. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you'd say that name all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kelly Kirsten. | |
| Kelly Kirsten. | ||
| But you'd say it as Joey Diaz. | ||
| Yeah, that was like an Olive Garden between me and Joey Diaz. | ||
| Yeah, Kelly played my mom. | ||
| Our mom. | ||
| Mine and Brian's mom. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| And Ginger Lynn introduced Voodoo Panani on the CD. And I got to do a thing with her the other day. | ||
| I did Dave's Old Porn with her. | ||
| Dave's Old Porn is... | ||
| First of all, Dave Attell is so fucking funny, man. | ||
| He's just one of those guys that's like... | ||
| And he works hard, man. | ||
| In between takes, they got notes and notebooks and shit. | ||
| And they're going over scenes. | ||
| And what's a good scene? | ||
| And what about this and that? | ||
| And... | ||
| And then you sit there and you watch these porns and then you do like Mystery Science Theater. | ||
| Remember that show? | ||
| You've seen Dave's old porn. | ||
| For those who haven't seen it, you're sitting on a couch with Dave and you're just kind of clowning on porn. | ||
| And you realize the difference between porn then and now. | ||
| So much more hair. | ||
| So much more hair. | ||
| So much more hair and it was like they were all sexy. | ||
| The real boob look back then was one of my favorite things, because they all had really nice, big, natural boobs. | ||
| Or small natural boobs. | ||
| They all kind of hung a little. | ||
| It was nice. | ||
| Ginger Lynn had small boobs, but they were really nice. | ||
| They weren't small. | ||
| I would say gingers were more medium than small, but yeah. | ||
| And it seems like bigger areolas were more popular back then. | ||
| Or lately, maybe girls' areolas have been shrinking for some reason. | ||
| Maybe it's nature. | ||
| Cell phones. | ||
| Could be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Radiation that kills the bees. | |
| It's just strange watching. | ||
| We were talking about whether or not society has changed or whether or not people have just got more access to it now. | ||
| We see it more because of Twitter, but people have always been fucked up. | ||
| And I say that porn is probably the best evidence that society's gotten more fucked up. | ||
| Because there was very little dark porn back then. | ||
| There wasn't even any slapping. | ||
| There was no dick slapping. | ||
| And there was no pulling in the hair and shooting loads up their nose and stuff like that. | ||
| They do mean, angry shit now. | ||
| And there's something hot about slobber all over your face and streaked mascara. | ||
| Asa Akira, man, her latest DVD is one of my favorites. | ||
| I forget the guy. | ||
| I think his name's Rocco or something like that. | ||
| Fucking just fucking manhandling, like dragging her by the hair. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| She's just gagging. | ||
| He's just fucking... | ||
| Oh, Nacho something. | ||
| Nacho, yeah, Nacho. | ||
| That dude's awesome. | ||
| I like the way he fucks. | ||
| I don't think I have any... | ||
| I don't give a shit about porn guys much. | ||
| I don't ever look out for one, but that... | ||
| Every time I see him in a movie, he's cool. | ||
| He's a cool actor. | ||
| He seems to be very violent with the girls. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Dragging around by their hair doesn't seem to be a nice thing to do. | ||
| Somebody that you want to fuck. | ||
| Do you think some girls like that? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I never thought so, but yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They definitely do. | ||
| I know girls like being choked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Veronica was going to need to slap me, or slap her. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| She always was like, slap me in the face! | ||
| I'm like, no! | ||
| Whoa, don't say that, because then you put it online, you fucking... | ||
| She does bondage videos. | ||
| Yeah, that's dark, dude. | ||
| You don't want me to slap you. | ||
| I would be like... | ||
| I don't want to connect me beating the fuck out of you with something that's sexual. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That just seems like a bad idea. | ||
| I had a girl that wanted to rape me. | ||
| She wanted me to rape her, rather. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| She would tell me. | ||
| She would want to rape me too, but she would actually tell me that she wants me to rape her. | ||
| She wants to fight me off. | ||
| I'm like, come on. | ||
| That's not something you want to connect with sexuality with a dude. | ||
| My sister always wanted me to do that. | ||
| What? | ||
| Jesus, Brian. | ||
| Don't you think that... | ||
| Wouldn't that be awful? | ||
| Comper and rape me. | ||
| No! | ||
| That's a taboo subject because rape itself obviously is a deplorable act. | ||
| But the fact remains that there are girls that get turned on by that deplorable act. | ||
| There's girls that have these fantasies of finding themselves in the wrong place and the wrong time and a fucking pack of wild thugs come out with 14-inch cocks and just force her to suck their dicks while one guy bangs her from behind. | ||
| There's girls who have fantasies. | ||
| Like, they're really scared, but they would really be excited. | ||
| And they probably finger themselves thinking about that. | ||
| And, you know, they don't ever risk their actual physical well-being in life by putting themselves in a situation where that could happen. | ||
| But the fact is, they could do that at any time. | ||
| Girls can just drive around to a group of guys at any time and get out and go, hey, boys, what's going on? | ||
| Let's not talk about this. | ||
| And the guys will be like, hey, what's up? | ||
| Come on over here. | ||
| You want to suck my cock? | ||
| Yeah, I'd love to. | ||
| It's not hard for a girl to find a cock to suck. | ||
| We shouldn't talk about it. | ||
| Once they figure that shit out... | ||
| What do you mean once they figure it out? | ||
| They're just gonna wander around your dick? | ||
| You don't think they know it already? | ||
| Please, dude. | ||
| Girls know it already. | ||
| You don't think they know it already? | ||
| They know it. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| They have massive knowledge of their power. | ||
| Women have power like a superhero. | ||
| A hot girl in a bikini or a hot girl in a miniskirt walking through a mall. | ||
| Every guy stops and you just immediately go, oh, there is one. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you know that if you were alone naked with her and she was blowing you, it would be outstanding. | ||
| It would be such a great feeling to have that beautiful face sucking your cock. | ||
| 75% chance, right? | ||
| 75% chance that that girl does not give a good blowjob. | ||
| No, that's not true at all. | ||
| I think more girls suck at blowjobs than are good at it. | ||
| You're dating the wrong girls, son. | ||
| It's very rare that you find a bad blowjob. | ||
| It's hard to find a bad blowjob. | ||
| If a girl's enthusiastic, just like if you're enthusiastic about her, if you're both turned on, she's going to give you a good head. | ||
| Like, you're gonna eat her pussy good. | ||
| Like, when you eat a girl's pussy, aren't you trying to, like... | ||
| You want her to feel as good as you can make her feel. | ||
| That is the 100% goal. | ||
| That's a woman's goal, too, when she's blowing you. | ||
| You just... | ||
| No, but I think maybe I'm more sensitive to teeth or something. | ||
| Maybe just getting some lazy bitches that are chewing on your dick. | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| Have you ever had a girl do that, though? | ||
| Bite it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| Not, like, mad at me or anything. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I always feel like, you know, especially back in the day when you did a lot of drugs and stuff, I always thought these girls were just gonna snap out of it and forget what they're doing and start biting it. | ||
| A masculine flashback and chomp down on your ball bag. | ||
| Some guy recently got bit on the balls by, I think it was a cop got bit on the balls by a convict. | ||
| Guy wouldn't let go of his balls either. | ||
| He was biting them through the pants like they had the guy let go. | ||
| Think of that, man. | ||
| Think of that. | ||
| Shit's happening, man. | ||
| Ouchie. | ||
| Bath salts. | ||
| We're all going to be bitten the ball soon. | ||
| Yeah, there's other people that have done bath salts that say it's no big deal. | ||
| I have a feeling that bath salts are a bunch of different fucking things. | ||
| Or it's just how your body reacts to bath salts, just like any other drug, you know? | ||
| It's just like, fucking, you have somebody that's borderline schizo and they fucking smoke weed, that person becomes fucking psychotic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a real good point. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| People say, hey man, should I do mushrooms? | ||
| I don't know you. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Are you crazy? | ||
| I would never tell anybody to do anything. | ||
| Although I tell everybody they should do mushrooms. | ||
| But when I say everybody, I don't mean everybody. | ||
| I just mean everybody that's not fucked up. | ||
| If you're barely holding on to reality, I don't recommend psychedelic drugs. | ||
| I don't recommend alcohol for sure. | ||
| I don't recommend anything but get your shit together. | ||
| Go to a doctor. | ||
| Find out what's wrong. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Whatever you gotta do. | ||
| Get your shit together. | ||
| That's more important than psychedelics. | ||
| Dude, that fucking cat helicopter shit that everyone's been fucking flooding the tweets with. | ||
| If you haven't heard about it, explain it to all the folks at home. | ||
| Somebody's... | ||
| Cat died and to remember him he liked to make helicopters or something like that and so he turned his cat into a helicopter. | ||
| He stuffed it and it made like his paws like spread out kind of like you know that's like doing a snowman in the snow and each one of them had like a helicopter fan on it and then so he sits there and flies this dead cat around and at first I watched it and I was horrified and then I was like This is the coolest thing in the whole entire world. | ||
| I hope this catches on, because I could just imagine a bunch of cats, helicopters flying in the sky, and that would be cool if it became popular. | ||
| Al-Qaeda's going to attack. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if there was cats everywhere in the sky at all times, it could be going down sunset, and everyone had their old dead cats. | ||
| That'd be cool. | ||
| There'd be tons of cats everywhere. | ||
| This really is crazy. | ||
| But then I was thinking, what if it crashes, and then its fucking nose falls off because it hits concrete or something? | ||
| That would be disturbing. | ||
| So now I think it's creepy. | ||
| Well, you just gotta need to put a helmet on him. | ||
| Yeah, but then you can't see his little fucking cat face. | ||
| That's the funniest face ever. | ||
| You put a large plexiglass dome over his head like he's a space cat. | ||
| Even better. | ||
| So now he's wearing a space suit. | ||
| His head is... | ||
| That's actually pretty cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's actually awesome. | |
| Or actually get the clear film companies that do the iPad clear films to make a clear armor, like have an armor for your cat where it's just some kind of crystallized shit. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| That is awesome. | ||
| Did you hear that there's another drone attack that killed some top Al-Qaeda guy? | ||
| Yeah, wasn't it Persian? | ||
| Was it Persian? | ||
| Or was it Siamese cat? | ||
| Can you imagine if the army starts really using cat weapons? | ||
| That'd be awesome. | ||
| Can you imagine if there was a country where they used flying pigs because Muslims would be terrified of pigs flying through the air? | ||
| Only if you go to war with India. | ||
| Yeah, they killed some dude in Pakistan. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's kind of fucked up, man, that we're not really in Pakistan, but Pakistan is the place where we try out all of our newest shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Because we can get away with it. | ||
| We must have some sort of a weird deal with the government, or the government won't say anything. | ||
| We're sending spaceships into their air. | ||
| I mean, we're sending some science fiction things that we're controlling from halfway around the world with a remote control, and they're launching missiles. | ||
| I mean, it's really crazy that they're allowed to do that. | ||
| Look, I'm 100% in support in getting rid of bad guys and taking all the terrorists out and all that happy horse shit, the legit terrorists. | ||
| But this is a crazy little precedent to set that you're allowing spaceships to fly around and launch missiles. | ||
| Hellfire, bunker buster fucking missiles at these people. | ||
| They're called hellfire. | ||
| They're allowed to spray rockets from the sky and blow you out of the road. | ||
| You're just wandering along. | ||
| You don't even know they're there. | ||
| They're like a mile away and a rocket comes and fucking you disappear. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's amazing that that's how we're doing war right now in Pakistan. | ||
| The peak of the technological war right now is going on right there, and very few people are even aware of it. | ||
| You just hear, drone attack. | ||
| That's what you hear on the radio, or drone attack on CNN. But you don't really stop and think about what the fuck that means. | ||
| There's a remote-controlled flying object that launches missiles at people, and they're watching a camera through it, We're halfway around the world, pressing buttons and launching these things. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| The technology is just, it's amazing what they can do now. | ||
| Then that one that crashed in Iran, there was another moment where life feels like a fake movie, where they fucking captured our shit and Obama goes to the news and talks about it. | ||
| Well, we've asked for it back. | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| We've asked for it back. | ||
| Hey, you know that thing that we were flying around and we might have just shot rockets at you from the sky? | ||
| Yeah, can you give that to us so we can do that again? | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| They asked for it back. | ||
| Could you imagine if Iran had some shit flying around over here taking pictures of us? | ||
| Something that's got the capability of shooting missiles? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But it didn't have any missiles on it though, right? | ||
| No, that one didn't. | ||
| I can see that. | ||
| I wonder how far they can go. | ||
| I wonder how far they can fly. | ||
| Super far, probably. | ||
| I bet some of them are solar-powered, right? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| They must have at least something solar. | ||
| Have you seen that Fisker, the new solar-powered automobile? | ||
| It's not solar-powered. | ||
| It's only partially solar-powered. | ||
| The stereo and things along those lines. | ||
| The roof is a series of solar panels. | ||
| Yes, I have seen that. | ||
| It's a fucking beautiful car, man. | ||
| Take a look at my mind. | ||
| It's like they finally got it right because these shitty ass fucking Priuses and these disgusting things. | ||
| Oh, by the way, number nine. | ||
| Ninth person I've ever seen throw a fucking cigarette out the window of their Prius. | ||
| You twats. | ||
| I'm watching all you hypocrite cunts. | ||
| It's just such a... | ||
| I know some people do it for economy. | ||
| I understand that it's not just... | ||
| But I like to think that they're green and they're just hypocrites. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I would buy one. | ||
| It would just be because I don't feel like spending $90 every time I fill my tank up. | ||
| Yeah, well, this is a beautiful fucking car, man. | ||
| This Fisker. | ||
| Look at this thing, man. | ||
| Take a peek at that. | ||
| Look at that shit. | ||
| It's amazing, man. | ||
| I was going to say, recalled? | ||
| Yep, they recalled them. | ||
| It's already been recalled. | ||
| They already recalled them. | ||
| There was a fire-prone hose clamp. | ||
| This was a while ago. | ||
| Oh, no, it wasn't. | ||
| It's today. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Recall. | ||
| Realize partly cloudy days. | ||
| We'll be stranded. | ||
| But it's a January 5th. | ||
| It's June 5th. | ||
| Yeah, it's a fucking beautiful car, though. | ||
| They're so slow, though. | ||
| I'm just so used to the pep of a car that's quick. | ||
| I don't drive like an asshole, but I do love the engineering, the responsiveness of a well-engineered car. | ||
| Pirate Dice was at a comedy store last night. | ||
| Yeah, he's going pirate now, right? | ||
| Dice Clay wears a pirate patch. | ||
| He gets discounts at stores, is what people say he says. | ||
| Because he says he's handicapped now? | ||
| He says he's a vet. | ||
| And if they don't have a vet, then he gets a senior discount. | ||
| That's what he's been telling people. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| I think that's what he's been saying. | ||
| Or no, handicap discount. | ||
| How hilarious is his idea? | ||
| I only take 10 shirts. | ||
| And then let the bidding begin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| But he had his car there. | ||
| He had a... | ||
| What's the Charger? | ||
| Not the Charger, but what's the one? | ||
| Challenger. | ||
| Challenger. | ||
| I think it was. | ||
| Buick? | ||
| No, they're Dodge. | ||
| Dodge. | ||
| Dodge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Buick. | ||
| Hemi. | ||
| His car was amazing, man. | ||
| It made me want to get rid of them. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Those are sick. | ||
| How much are those? | ||
| They're not that bad, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| They're not that much, man. | ||
| I think fully loaded, they're like 40 grand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| And they're beautiful. | ||
| That shape is just so iconic, the Challenger shape. | ||
| It's just like, you know what it's like? | ||
| It's like my old Barracuda, but it's not going to leave you stranded every couple days. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Those old cars, man, they look so badass, but the design involved in them, it's so crude. | ||
| Like drum brakes, they're so crude. | ||
| Like you hit the brakes, it's like, and they barely stop the car. | ||
| It takes forever. | ||
| Now they have cars like the new Porsche, the 991, which is the new 911. The new Porsche 911 that just came out can stop from, I think it's 60 miles an hour to zero in less than 100 feet. | ||
| That's like crazy. | ||
| They do it in 96 feet. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The new Corvette can do that too. | ||
| Less than 100 feet from 60 to zero. | ||
| The old days, that shit would take you a mile. | ||
| It was 60 miles an hour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Not a mile, but if you're locked up, it takes a long-ass time to stop the car. | ||
| Now it's anti-lock brakes and traction control and all the new shit that you can do now. | ||
| The old cars are retarded. | ||
| They're just useless to have. | ||
| Unless you're just a hobbyist who loves the idea of this old mechanical thing that you're switching the gears and all that. | ||
| There's a lot of people that really do enjoy that. | ||
| But what the Challenger's done is they've gotten most of that old look and put it into a new car. | ||
| They figured out how to keep that shape. | ||
| It's not a good shape for handling. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| The design is not smart. | ||
| And it's like a big, heavy car, too. | ||
| So they're not that good around corners and shit like that. | ||
| Not like a Corvette or not like a car that's designed to do that. | ||
| But, you know, for regular driving, they're great. | ||
| Aubrey has one of those. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So does Tom Green. | ||
| I was either thinking about selling my car because my car gets horrible gas mileage and getting something like that because I'm about to pay off my car finally and I'm like, oh, I finally own this piece of shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not a piece of shit. | ||
| It's a great car. | ||
| But, and get something like that, or just get a really shitty small car, like something like one of those little baby Fiats, or you know, like the teeny little cheap cars. | ||
| Well, dude, if you wanted to get a Mustang, if you wanted to trade your Ford in, because maybe Ford would give you a good deal. | ||
| Oh yeah, I never thought about it. | ||
| Ford on Ford. | ||
| Yeah, the Mustang, the Boss 302, is not expensive. | ||
| It's not expensive at all. | ||
| Yeah, the new Mustang Boss 302, I think, is like $35,000, and they fucking fly. | ||
| And the new Mustang GT, just the GT, the GT is a fucking really good car, man. | ||
| The GT is 400 plus horsepower just for the Mustang GT. And it's a little bit crude in its design. | ||
| It has a live axle, which means the back end sort of bumps around a little bit, but it's a really fun car to drive. | ||
| Why would they do that? | ||
| Why would they do what? | ||
| Live axle? | ||
| Well, it helps drag racing. | ||
| It helps keep the power down. | ||
| I mean, it's not that bad. | ||
| What it is, is it's an older way of designing suspensions, but they made the best out of it. | ||
| It handles well. | ||
| I mean, it doesn't handle as good as a car with independent rear suspension, but the Mustang 302, the Boss 302, it laps racetracks faster than that Audi R8. You know that Audi space-looking car that Everlast has? | ||
| You know that thing? | ||
| The Laguna Seca Boss Mustang can lap racetracks quicker than that, which is pretty amazing. | ||
| They only have, I think it's only 400 and something horsepower. | ||
| Yeah, but it's a dope car. | ||
| It's like one of the best bargain cars. | ||
| I think it's, you know, if you wanted to get a bargain for performance, you can only go American. | ||
| There's no real bargains in as far as foreign cars for performance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, American cars like... | ||
| Hyundai's are not bad. | ||
| Hyundai's? | ||
| Hyundai's? | ||
| What, the little sports car thing they have? | ||
| But you don't get that kind of performance. | ||
| You don't get 400 plus horsepower like you get in a Mustang. | ||
| You know, you're just not going to get that. | ||
| You're not going to get that kind of oomph, you know? | ||
| It's like, if you want a fast car that's a foreign car, there's a few Japanese cars that are pretty quick, you know, like the 370Zs, pretty quick, but they can't fuck with this Mustang. | ||
| But then you've got to get to big money like the Nissan GT-R, which is like $100,000. | ||
| Then shit gets crazy. | ||
| Because then the Japanese have one of the best production cars. | ||
| One of the fastest, best handling cars in the world. | ||
| But you have to get right to there before you get that kind of performance. | ||
| I went to Universal Studios for my first time the other day. | ||
| Oh, did you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's funny because I went on the first one I went on was the Terminator 2 ride, which, you know, it's been a while since that movie came out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I never, I almost freaked out because they make you get in this. | ||
| Have you been on that ride before? | ||
| No. | ||
| They make you get in this huge room, and I have no idea if this is a roller coaster. | ||
| Oh yeah, I did go in that. | ||
| Yeah, I did go in that. | ||
| Sorry, yeah. | ||
| And then you're sitting there with all these people, and the door is shut, and you're just like, alright, this is where the gas comes out, and we all get murdered. | ||
| And we couldn't leave. | ||
| And then suddenly there was just this bad actor acting job where, like, this lady comes out and I'm like, hi, welcome to whatever. | ||
| You know, we are here in the future. | ||
| Anyways, all her shit, all her computers behind her since the ride is so old. | ||
| Like, it used to look like it was supposed to be the future, but now looks really sad and depressing like a garage sale, like monitor. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| And it's totally outdated. | ||
| And then she's like, before we go into the next room, I want you to look at this. | ||
| And it's a video that I'm guessing when the movie came out, which was what, 93 or something? | ||
| Something, yeah. | ||
| That all these things seemed really futuristic. | ||
| But now, half the shit that they showed, you could do on your iPhone. | ||
| And it was so weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, imagine in the future, your grandmother's far away and you want to talk to her. | |
| How about talking to her on your wall? | ||
| You know, and you're like, yeah, I could do that on my phone now. | ||
| You know, and everything. | ||
| It was like, imagine being able to control, like a doctor can sit somewhere else and control an operation far away. | ||
| You can do that now. | ||
| You know, doctors are doing that now. | ||
| And it's weird. | ||
| Like, all this shit was so... | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Do doctors do remote control operations? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's at the very beginning stages, but there has been successful operations where they've done that from remote locations and stuff like that, using advanced computers and robots. | ||
| Wow, that scares the shit out of me. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| Somebody opened you up and remote control operating on you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So then I was really scared, though, because I was really figuring out how... | ||
| Shitty this ride was I'm like damn this, you know, why does Universal have this but then you go into the next room and you watch this really old 3d movie and the 3d was really good, you know Right for its age and then there's this one point where there's also live actors mixed in like like in the theater so like like this guy would come out in a like a motorcycle and then like He had like a shotgun and he'll shoot somebody like a real like like that like holy shit that you could hear it sound like a gunshot and And then he'll like disappear off | ||
| the stage and it looks like he goes back into the 3D movie. | ||
| Shit like that. | ||
| So it was kind of interesting. | ||
| And then they have two more 3D screens that go around you. | ||
| And this is an old ride. | ||
| So everyone's probably like, yeah, dude, welcome to 93. But the 3D was coming out at all sides. | ||
| It was really awesome. | ||
| And I guess there's a new Transformers ride there that just takes that to the whole next level. | ||
| Wasn't there a Spider-Man one that did that too? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Was that in Orlando? | ||
| I think that's in Orlando. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And then there was the Simpsons ride where you... | ||
| It was a virtual roller coaster where, you know, it's one of those things where the whole thing moves, but you go into this, like, fucking dome where the whole dome is a movie, and it's really trippy. | ||
| If I want to do shrooms and do that, because I think I'll die and go to heaven. | ||
| Because you go into this huge room, and you're like, holy shit! | ||
| And then you feel like you're going through this roller coaster. | ||
| There's parts where, like, Maggie... | ||
| A huge maggie will try to grab your roller coaster and they spray baby powder smell. | ||
| So you start smelling baby powder and you're like, it's fucking badass. | ||
| Is it scary? | ||
| Like for a little kid? | ||
| Because a four year old do that? | ||
| You know, I was scared, but I was thinking of other things because I was like, holy shit, is this one of those elevator drop rides where you drop? | ||
| Because I thought I was going to freak out. | ||
| It is weird how they can pull that effect off while just showing you a screen and then moving things around. | ||
| It works. | ||
| And I wasn't even stoned. | ||
| If I was stoned, I would fucking be... | ||
| We should go sometime, man. | ||
| I got a season pass now. | ||
| It's only $20 more. | ||
| What was the big one that they had? | ||
| They had that one famous one there. | ||
| Was it Jurassic Park? | ||
| They have Jurassic Park, I think. | ||
| Wait. | ||
| Did they have Jurassic? | ||
| No, I parked at Jurassic Park. | ||
| Yes, they must have had Jurassic Park. | ||
| Yeah, I feel like there's a Jurassic Park ride, right? | ||
| No, but they have a Waterworld one still there, which was fucking creepy. | ||
| Who wants to see a shitty... | ||
| A Universal? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, that is the Jurassic Park one. | ||
| There's a water scene in it. | ||
| You're in like a log... | ||
| No, the movie Waterworld. | ||
| Oh, Waterworld? | ||
| The movie Waterworld? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Yeah, it was still there. | ||
| They have a King Kong one. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
| And the Jaws one is the one that you... | ||
| King Kong is pretty new. | ||
| Oh, is it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's within the last couple years. | ||
| Oh, they redid it. | ||
| Yeah, it's the new King Kong from like four years ago or five years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't go to it. | ||
| I only went to those two because I went on a Sunday. | ||
| How many King Kongs have there been? | ||
| There was the original one, which is... | ||
| Fucking awesome to watch today. | ||
| You ever watch it today? | ||
| The original one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The one in 1984 was my favorite one. | ||
| I think it was 1984. That was my favorite one. | ||
| That was the Dino De Laurentiis one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With Jessica Lange. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I liked that one back in the day. | ||
| I haven't seen it since. | ||
| Yeah, that was a trip. | ||
| And Jessica Lange played a broad that was just ditzy enough to fall in love with a fucking giant gorilla. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, she was just ditzy enough where you could buy it and believe it. | ||
| The latest one was fucking incredible, man. | ||
| The latest one. | ||
| When you go back and you see the newest King Kong compared to the oldest King Kong... | ||
| The oldest one is like, wow, what a window into a different world. | ||
| You ever see, is it called Metropolis? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| That old, really, really old sci-fi movie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, it's incredible what they thought the future was going to be like. | ||
| The style of that movie was so amazing. | ||
| Well, even like the old Alien, like, I'm fucking psyched. | ||
| Prometheus is coming out this weekend. | ||
| But if you watch the original Alien, you know, when they were on that spaceship, what a bunch of whack-ass fucking fake equipment they had. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Everything was all lights and shit, and the monitors, these shitty little green tint monitors. | ||
| Because essentially this is before the user interface, the graphic user interface that we think of as computers today. | ||
| Everybody thinks of a Mac or a PC and clicking on things. | ||
| There was no clicking on anything back then. | ||
| What people don't understand is the first computers when the movie Alien came out, they were like, it was all just like green print on a screen. | ||
| You weren't downloading anything, bitch! | ||
| You know, it was like 1979 or something, right? | ||
| There was no downloading. | ||
| There were just these weird things that sat around in laboratories. | ||
| So they never predicted, you know, like not even remotely what the future was going to hold. | ||
| They didn't see that even. | ||
| They didn't see anything coming. | ||
| They didn't even see a little. | ||
| It's kind of fucking crazy when you stop and think about what a big difference the graphic user interface has played. | ||
| The ability to click on things. | ||
| Just when you look at a smartphone, like I was looking at that big, giant-ass Note. | ||
| I love that thing. | ||
| I got a Note. | ||
| New iPhone. | ||
| Have you seen the new pictures of the new iPhone? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's pretty much the same, but the whole thing's almost all screen. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it is not bigger? | ||
| No, but the screen is, like if you look at your iPhone now, it doesn't take even, you know, like what, 75% of the phone? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But now it's most of the phone? | ||
| It's all, like from wall to wall, up and down. | ||
| Well, that's gonna be nice. | ||
| I mean, the Note is cool because it's a small tablet and I think, I'm pretty sure, my money is all on that Apple is releasing a smaller version of the iPad that will kind of compete with the Note because they're gonna use it also as a remote control for their new TV. That will come out soon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| So that will take over that. | ||
| But I don't think the note as a phone is... | ||
| I think it's the dumbest thing ever. | ||
| I saw this person use it and have you ever seen them hold it up? | ||
| It looks like they're gonna break their hand. | ||
| You can watch the tumors grow in their brain as they're holding it up to their head. | ||
| The fucking thing is enormous. | ||
| But it looks beautiful though, man. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| I tell you what, man. | ||
| I got this new iPad, the latest one with the Verizon service on it. | ||
| That makes a huge difference because it's my first iPad with the service on it. | ||
| But the hotspot feature is faster than my high-speed business class internet at Death Squad. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you only get to use a little bit of it before they fuck you in the ass. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You would think that, but I used it pretty hardcore. | ||
| And you don't really know, unless you're downloading movies. | ||
| I downloaded one movie and I got an email from them. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's the one thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But that's ridiculous. | |
| But everything else... | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| If you have an iPad... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you download one movie, and they're like, oh, you're fucked. | ||
| You're like, what do you mean I'm fucked? | ||
| That's the whole thing. | ||
| Because if everyone downloaded one movie all the time, then there's not that much internet. | ||
| They need to fix that. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| When you use mobile internet, it's offensive how much it costs. | ||
| They just need to expand Wi-Fi so it hits everybody, so we have Wi-Fi everywhere, not cell phone network everywhere. | ||
| And then every bee's going to be dead. | ||
| We could put fucking hotspots on all the helicopter cats. | ||
| You know, in Aspen, it's free Wi-Fi for the whole city. | ||
| People just sit out there in the middle of nowhere and just fucking... | ||
| I bet this website's probably blocked. | ||
| JoeRogan.net. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I think they did block. | ||
| They've tried that in a lot of cities. | ||
| There's a lot of cities that do that. | ||
| I was happy when I couldn't get to my website from Dubai. | ||
| I was like, look at that, bitch. | ||
| I'm too dangerous. | ||
| Too dangerous for your Wi-Fi. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a good argument for that, but we don't know what the fuck is happening with all these different wire signals in the air. | ||
| People can say nothing, we're adapting to them, but there's something going on, man. | ||
| Nipples are shrinking. | ||
| When you can send... | ||
| Yeah, no aerials. | ||
| When you can send images and ones and zeros, and you send them through the air, and there's something else that picks them up and receives them... | ||
| That's a crazy thing. | ||
| You're sending a signal and the signal is just in the air? | ||
| It makes no sense. | ||
| Is that hitting me? | ||
| Is it all over me? | ||
| When someone's like Wi-Fi and like crazy near you, are you getting pelted by like random information as it makes its way from the internet somehow or another into their computer? | ||
| Where's it going from? | ||
| Is it passing through your dimension at all? | ||
| I mean, that is like some interdimensional fucking transportation of, I mean, the physical object of a piece of paper that you print and you turn, you know, into a photograph that you just got from the internet. | ||
| I mean, that is a way where something physical just gets created and it wasn't there before. | ||
| Sent to you and printed up. | ||
| Like, that is, that's a crazy thing, man. | ||
| It's really crazy that we can just do that. | ||
| And we just don't even think about the fact there's television signals and radio signals and internet signals and cell phone signals and all these different signals going around. | ||
| And I don't know if they're affecting us. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| It might be that we would all feel a little bit better if we didn't have them. | ||
| Yeah, it would be interesting. | ||
| Too bad there's not really any place in the world that you can probably not have complete zero signals. | ||
| You have to go somewhere that really sucks. | ||
| Like Alaska. | ||
| Antarctica or some shit. | ||
| From Antarctica, I mean. | ||
| Yeah, Alaska has cell phones. | ||
| No, I meant Antarctica. | ||
| But they would still probably have some kind of signal, I would bet, up there. | ||
| Like, at least satellite or something. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| But satellite doesn't work everywhere. | ||
| It depends on where the satellite's, where you can receive it. | ||
| Like, I don't think you can get XM radio in Hawaii. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I rented a car there once and I was trying to listen to Opie and Anthony. | ||
| I rented a Cadillac and I was looking for the satellite button. | ||
| I pressed the satellite button and there was nothing going on. | ||
| And I was like, you know, I don't think this shit works here. | ||
| I forgot to look it up though. | ||
| But I don't think it does. | ||
| But I'm not sure. | ||
| But you can always get it online. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which is what everybody's going to do eventually anyway. | ||
| They're going to be selling radios that come with your car that connect to the internet and allow you to download podcasts. | ||
| If you have a Ford, you already have Stitcher. | ||
| The new Fords have that Stitcher app built in. | ||
| Fucking mad, man. | ||
| I want that so bad. | ||
| That's the thing I hate. | ||
| I hope if anyone that designs these Fords and these awesome new cars with these new stereos that have these apps like Stitcher, it's called Sync for Ford. | ||
| I have that, but there's no way to upgrade it so I can get that shit. | ||
| And that's not fair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| You go and get it if you buy a new car? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ford's been releasing their hardware in series. | ||
| So you have sync version 1, 2, 3. It's not like an iPhone where you can upgrade it. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| And it really makes me mad because I can't... | ||
| What am I going to tear out the stereo? | ||
| Yeah, that's whack. | ||
| The computer in your car should be interchangeable and upgradable. | ||
| It should be like something you pull out and put a new one in. | ||
| They're just being cheap and they're telling their software developers to move on to the next stuff and just abandoning. | ||
| That's almost a leak. | ||
| It should be illegal because my car is like a 2008. I haven't been able to update it in three years. | ||
| Yeah, that is kind of fucked. | ||
| It's like a planned obsolescence. | ||
| I mean, it really is. | ||
| The fact that the computer itself isn't upgradable. | ||
| How long do you expect people to keep that car? | ||
| Because when you really think about all the different laws, what is it, Moore's Law for computers? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You stop and think about how quickly computers become obsolete. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, like imagine having a classic Corvette and it had a black and white television in it. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, those knuckleheads, though, that like those really classic cars, they want like classic hubcaps. | ||
| They want everything. | ||
| They want to time travel so they can go back in high school and fuck their 15-year-old girlfriend. | ||
| Oh, I see him all the time, man. | ||
| Living in Burbank, that's like that big boy there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Every week, fucking Leno, driving around in a fucking fire truck, waving at you like he's the Pope. | ||
| Fucking, Burbank's the creepiest place ever. | ||
| How weird is it Jay waves at everybody? | ||
| Oh, he's the nicest guy, dude. | ||
| He's the nicest guy ever. | ||
| I see him all the time, like walking the streets and talking to people. | ||
| Hey, how are you? | ||
| They were shitting all over him on the radio today on Stern. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Him and Joan Rivers. | ||
| Oh yeah, I haven't heard the rest of that. | ||
| Joan Rivers is pretty funny. | ||
| She's ruthless, man. | ||
| She's still fucking slinging heat. | ||
| Joan Rivers is still going to war with chicks. | ||
| It's hilarious, man. | ||
| She's still struggling. | ||
| She's still fighting. | ||
| She's like 79-something years old, and she still does stand-up. | ||
| She's still obsessed with work. | ||
| Have you ever met Jenny McCarthy? | ||
| Yeah, I met her once. | ||
| She was really nice, and I stopped doing a joke about her. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| I had a joke that I heard that Jenny McCarthy was going to get her breast implants taken out. | ||
| I said it's like Tiger Woods chopping his fucking arms off. | ||
| Dude, that's not bad. | ||
| Why don't you put them back in and make them bigger and no talking? | ||
| She was on Howard Stern yesterday, and I forgot about her, you know, because she married Jim Carrey, and you're just kind of like, right, she's dead to me. | ||
| Did she marry Jim Carrey? | ||
| I think they just dated. | ||
| Oh, maybe. | ||
| I thought they married. | ||
| But now they're separated, and she was on Howard Stern just talking about how much... | ||
| I mean, she's a dirty girl, and she was talking about how much she masturbates, how much she needs cock... | ||
| That shit. | ||
| And then you go online, you're like, what's she look like now? | ||
| And you go to her Twitter, and you're like, holy shit, she's still fucking hot as hell. | ||
| And she's a nympho, and she lives in the valley somewhere. | ||
| So what are you saying, dude? | ||
| I need to find out what she does. | ||
| Dude, she wants a podcast now. | ||
| Do you think you could get with that? | ||
| Jenny McCarthy? | ||
| Do you think you could pull that off? | ||
| I don't think so, but... | ||
| But you never know. | ||
| I don't think you could pull off half the girls you've pulled off already, right? | ||
| True. | ||
| True. | ||
| Yeah, so why not her? | ||
| Why not just make a complete fantasy land? | ||
| Why not just go full-on Coen Brothers movie? | ||
| Well, my mission was Lindsay Lohan. | ||
| I thought that would be a bigger mission. | ||
| That's harder, I think. | ||
| Please, I know guys that fucked her. | ||
| I don't know anybody that's fucked Jenny McCarthy. | ||
| True. | ||
| You know Jim Carrey. | ||
| I don't know that guy. | ||
| Do you know him? | ||
| No? | ||
| I thought maybe you knew him from the Comedy Store today. | ||
| No, I've never met him. | ||
| He kind of stopped doing stand-up a long time ago. | ||
| Some of those guys, it's interesting. | ||
| Stand-up gets them to the dance, and then once they get to the dance, then they just become an actor. | ||
| A lot of dudes do that. | ||
| Did you ever do Comedy Store shit with Marc Maron? | ||
| Were you there at that same time period as him? | ||
| No, he was there a long time ago. | ||
| He was really young and he was there with Kinison. | ||
| He was a dork guy. | ||
| Kinison was alive. | ||
| Yeah, by the time I got into stand-up, Kinison only had a couple years of life left. | ||
| He died when I lived in New York. | ||
| So I think it was probably 90, I want to say 92 that Kinnison died somewhere along those lines. | ||
| So I still hadn't made my way out to LA yet. | ||
| And Marin got in deep with Kinnison when he was a kid. | ||
| He was hanging around with them and he got to see the crazy dark coke years. | ||
| He got to see the chaos and all that shit. | ||
| That story about Kinison fathering Carla Bow's wife's child is just so fucked up. | ||
| So fucked up, man. | ||
| He thought that it was his daughter for the longest time. | ||
| Then a DNA test reveals it was Sam Kinison's kid. | ||
| You just think of his wife just laying there and letting fat Sam climb on top of her and shoot his loads inside of her and go, what kind of a fucking friendship did they have? | ||
| What kind of a world were they living in? | ||
| What kind of decadence and depravity, what kind of Hollywood chaos was going on? | ||
| Where Kinison was just banging his friend's best friend, opening act, wife on the side, and shooting loads into her. | ||
| It amazes me that dude got a lot of fucking pussy. | ||
| He was on the Howard Stern calling and he had four girls in his bed. | ||
| You're amazed at that. | ||
| But yet you're not amazed when you get pussy. | ||
| No! | ||
| Well, that's one at a time. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Sam Kinison was a big guy. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Not very attractive, really. | ||
| I never thought Kinison was... | ||
| I guess he was bigger than I thought he was. | ||
| Back in the day, I never thought he was a big comic. | ||
| Oh, you mean big like Physically? | ||
| Or you mean big notoriety? | ||
| Notoriety. | ||
| It was huge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, I didn't see that because I was into the comedy scene and I only knew what I saw on TV. And I always thought the big guys were like Robin Williams and Eddie Murphy. | ||
| Yeah, it was big too. | ||
| They were all big. | ||
| But Kennison was huge, dude. | ||
| I found out about Kennison in 86... | ||
| And all my friends knew about Kinnison. | ||
| Everybody knew Kinnison. | ||
| When I went to see Kinnison live, I brought a bunch of my friends. | ||
| Everybody was fucking psyched to see Kinnison live. | ||
| We saw Kinnison live. | ||
| I saw Carlin live before I ever did stand-up. | ||
| I got to see Carlin live. | ||
| I got to see Carlin bomb. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He ate shit. | ||
| It did not work out. | ||
| It wasn't good. | ||
| He got to this weird stage in his life in the late 80s. | ||
| This is before I had done comedy. | ||
| Maybe I had done an open mic night. | ||
| Maybe one or something like that. | ||
| But it was me and my roommates. | ||
| And we were out in New Hampshire. | ||
| We saw him at a casino up there. | ||
| And they do shows there. | ||
| And that was the place where everybody would go up from Boston during the summer. | ||
| We'd all go up to this casino. | ||
| Was it Hampton Beach? | ||
| I think that's it. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Anyway, we were all there and George Carlin had this weird thing that he was doing where he just had like a notepad and he was just reading off, fuck this and fuck that. | ||
| It was like this whole, and fuck Israel and fuck this and fuck, like the whole bit was like, it wasn't really working. | ||
| You know, it was weird. | ||
| It was like there was all this energy and there was all this You know, push into it. | ||
| And it was fascinating for me to watch because I was like, this is George Carlin. | ||
| I mean, George Carlin is like an all-time great comic. | ||
| But at this point in his life, it wasn't working out. | ||
| That night, I don't know what it was, but my friend looked over at me and goes, this guy fucking sucks. | ||
| And I was like, wow. | ||
| I couldn't even say anything because I had dragged them there. | ||
| They weren't comedians. | ||
| I had dragged them to go see George Carlin. | ||
| And he was eating it. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| And I, you know, I stopped listening to him for like a year or two. | ||
| And then I bought, he had like, warning, explicit lyrics, I think was one of his CDs, which was great. | ||
| And I was like, whew, he got it back. | ||
| It was almost like, you know, he just had a bad, he did so much stand up. | ||
| Everyone has a bad set. | ||
| It wasn't just a bad set. | ||
| It was a bad set. | ||
| Not that night, but set out. | ||
| The way it was written. | ||
| He went through a period of I don't know how many decades where he made a new hour every year. | ||
| So, because of that, he was so fucking prolific. | ||
| He would essentially write a whole new monologue, a long monologue, every year. | ||
| And to do that and still have something to say after all those years, you're going to hit some stumbling blocks along the way. | ||
| I mean, you're going to have some awkward moments. | ||
| You know, like if you... | ||
| If you go to see Louis C.K., this is very possible that Louis is working on new shit right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| He's always got new shit. | ||
| If you do that, it's so hard to maintain the quality. | ||
| It's so hard, you know, to... | ||
| Every year, a new hour? | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Goddamn! | ||
| You wonder how many... | ||
| You would have to start doing things, like, specifically to write material. | ||
| Like, go to Universal Studios. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Yeah, go to... | ||
| You know, you're gonna go somewhere. | ||
| I try to do it once a week now. | ||
| Just do stupid shit like that. | ||
| Just to get material? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's kind of cool because it makes you do more things. | ||
| And it's a two-edged sword because you still enjoy it. | ||
| It's like you're going to do some cool shit. | ||
| Well, what have you done that you didn't like doing? | ||
| Fuck, what was that recently? | ||
| There was something recently that I did. | ||
| Oh, well, no, that was still fun. | ||
| Going to that black strip club. | ||
| No, I can't think of... | ||
| There was something I did recently that was really boring. | ||
| I can't even think of what it was. | ||
| But I remember thinking, like, well, that was... | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Doing mushrooms in a shitty hotel in Venice. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was horrible. | ||
| That's not a good move. | ||
| But I still got kind of material from it. | ||
| Kind of, I guess. | ||
| What kind of material did you get? | ||
| It's just like on stuff I haven't really tried out too much. | ||
| About how bad the situation is. | ||
| You can tell you're in a bad area where everywhere you look there's evidence. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Stuff like that. | ||
| There's just all these tags that kind of build up. | ||
| Trying to make into sets. | ||
| But, I don't know, things like that. | ||
| I've been doing more. | ||
| I've never done that, but usually once a week I try to do something crazy. | ||
| Like, I want to go to Magic Castle. | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| Yeah, I've never been, but I want to go there and just get drunk. | ||
| My friend Zach at Jiu Jitsu was a magician. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's always invited me to go there, but you know what? | ||
| You have to wear a jacket and a tie. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And there's always creepy actors there that I heard. | ||
| Every time you go, there's somebody weird there. | ||
| You're like, why is that person here? | ||
| Like who? | ||
| Like some guy from the 80s? | ||
| No, not even that. | ||
| Like, shit, what's his name? | ||
| I don't want to say, but I don't know what his name is. | ||
| But it's somebody you're like, wow, really? | ||
| That guy's here? | ||
| I saw that Stephen Baldwin is suing Kevin Costner. | ||
| Kevin Costner has, apparently, he owns a piece of some company that makes a machine that takes oil out of water, which is pretty surreal. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| During the Exxon spill, or that last big spill, he donated or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Pretty crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you stop and think that somehow or another Kevin Costner is a part of this. | ||
| I don't know how he got to be a part. | ||
| I don't know what the story behind it is. | ||
| Waterworld, bro. | ||
| It might have been. | ||
| I bet they paid him a fuckload of money for Waterworld. | ||
| I mean, Waterworld, it wasn't like... | ||
| It was one of the biggest budget movies of all time at that time. | ||
| And it lost the most, I guess. | ||
| I don't know if it lost the most, but it lost a shitload. | ||
| You should look that shit up, find out if it does. | ||
| But I remember when it came out, I was like, God, what a fucking crazy idea. | ||
| This movie sucks. | ||
| I never watched the whole thing. | ||
| Who the fuck thought they could film a whole movie on the water? | ||
| That's so hard to do, just to get your shit out there, get your goddamn equipment out there in the water. | ||
| Everything's getting wet and fucked up. | ||
| You're dropping your camera in the water all the time. | ||
| It's so stupid, and the premise sucks anyway. | ||
| Oh, everything's water now? | ||
| I could kind of see that, though, in the future. | ||
| Earthquakes, everything fell into the ocean or something like that. | ||
| There would be way more sharks. | ||
| If that was the case, there'd be way more sharks. | ||
| Everybody would be jacking sharks and all sorts of things. | ||
| Grabbing people, pulling them under, starfish and shit, octopuses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Octopuses. | |
| Grabbing them, dragging them underwater. | ||
| There'd be a lot of that, because people would, we'd be like little bobbers everywhere. | ||
| Wow, Kevin Costner was on the set of that movie, 157 days, working six days a week for a movie. | ||
| That's a long ass time. | ||
| For a movie that sucked, a big fat bag of Wildly considered to be one of the biggest box office bombs of all times. | ||
| Although it grossed $255 million from a $175 million budget, this does not factor in marketing and distribution charges or percentage of the gross that theaters keep, which is up to 45%. | ||
| The film came to be nicknamed Kevin's Gate after Heaven's Gate and Fishtar after Ishtar, two mega bombs. | ||
| Yeah, Ishtar was a huge bomb. | ||
| I never saw that either. | ||
| Did you ever watch that? | ||
| Yeah, I think I watched part of it when I was a kid, but I don't remember. | ||
| It was Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman. | ||
| I don't even know what the fuck it was about. | ||
| And what was the other one that they said was a big bomb? | ||
| The other one I've never even heard of, but it was called Heaven's Gate. | ||
| Yeah, I think that was a Warren Beatty movie too. | ||
| Was that a Warren Beatty movie? | ||
| No, that's Chris Christopherson, Christopher Walken, and John Hurt. | ||
| Actually got a 6.5 on IMDB. Huh, but just bummed. | ||
| It has a pretty cool cover or poster. | ||
| Never saw it. | ||
| But Ishtar, I remember Ishtar was a bomb. | ||
| And it was not just a bomb, but everybody talked about what a bomb it was. | ||
| So it became a massive bomb. | ||
| Like, oh my god, have you seen Ishtar? | ||
| What a piece of shit. | ||
| Like, they didn't even see it, and they were just saying it was a piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah, I remember when I was a kid, I used Ishtar as a reference to something cheap or shitty. | ||
| Like, you know, like I would say things where, that's like Ishtar. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, like that was... | ||
| Meanwhile, it's like super expensive. | ||
| Probably because they had to pay Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder how much Kevin Costner made for 157 days on that piece of shit movie. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| We had some guys from Fear Factor stunt guys that worked on that and they were saying it was hell. | ||
| It sounds like it. | ||
| Yeah, it sounds pretty ridiculous. | ||
| Just the idea behind it, man. | ||
| You're gonna make a fucking movie where everything's floating. | ||
| Stop it, you silly bitch. | ||
| The best one, though, wasn't even that. | ||
| The best one was The Postman. | ||
| Did you ever see that? | ||
| No, I never watched it. | ||
| It was in Horses, right? | ||
| It was like him on horses. | ||
| It was in the future, after the shit hits the fan. | ||
| Kevin Costner is a fucking hero because he delivers letters to people. | ||
| He's The Postman. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| It's so bad, you can't believe it's real. | ||
| And the acting is so bad. | ||
| The acting is like... | ||
| ABC after-school special acting. | ||
| Like, there's no way it seems real. | ||
| It's like, shut up, mom! | ||
| Get out of my room! | ||
| Like, it just does not seem... | ||
| There's nothing realistic about it at all. | ||
| And the premise is dog shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you hear about fucking THQ and EA? Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, the UFC is going to make their new video game with EA. And apparently, THQ bought it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or EA bought it from THQ. You know, I feel bad. | |
| THQ shut down the developer. | ||
| They did it. | ||
| Shut down their office. | ||
| Yesterday, my E3 just closed down. | ||
| And they didn't have a booth at this year's E3 because I was originally, because I'm going to E3 tomorrow and I wanted to talk to them about UFC and all that crap. | ||
| And they were like, we don't have a booth. | ||
| We're meeting at a hotel. | ||
| And I'm like, whoa, someone's going down. | ||
| But then... | ||
| Yeah, I think, you know, THQ did a really good job with that game. | ||
| And THQ, I thought, you know, with Saints Row, I mean, Saints Row just released a map pack that Ryan Keighley, who does, you know, podcasts with me, she's in the new map pack. | ||
| So they're actually combining video games with Penthouse now, which I thought was cool. | ||
| That is smart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think they're losing a lot of money, man. | ||
| The UFC game was the only game, apparently, that was making good money. | ||
| Do you know yet? | ||
| Are you going to be doing the EA games of this yet? | ||
| I'm sure I'll probably do it. | ||
| It's a pain in the dick, but it's worth it in the long run. | ||
| The finished product, they're very thorough. | ||
| We did so much commentary. | ||
| You don't get too much repeat words. | ||
| Like, there's all sorts of different versions of, you know, things that you do and, like, transitions, like arm bar to knee bar, transition from the triangle to the arm bar, like, all that different kind of stuff. | ||
| Like, we voice them all individually, you know, so it's... | ||
| There's so many moves you can do. | ||
| It's really kind of crazy that you look at that thing, that remote control, and you're supposed to be able to figure that out down here and up there and left and push this and push that. | ||
| It's a fucking... | ||
| It's not that... | ||
| You've got to take a lot of time to figure out all the moves that your guy is capable of doing because there's so much shit. | ||
| There's so many different submissions and punches and kicks and... | ||
| And to know what button is doing what at the exact same moment is fucking hard, man. | ||
| There's a lot involved. | ||
| Well, now that it's with EA, you need to hold out for more money because they are the big pimps of the video game industry. | ||
| Thanks for saying that on the internet where they hear exactly what my fucking plans are now. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| That's cool, though, because EA does make the best sports games. | ||
| EA gets a lot of shit for being the monopoly, like buying out and killing all the small companies and shit like that. | ||
| But EA, they do make some fucking kick-ass games, like Tiger Woods Golf, fucking Madden Football. | ||
| They own some of the biggest franchises. | ||
| I think it's way better for UFC, the video game, in the future, I think. | ||
| Well, Dana's very excited about it. | ||
| When he told me about it, he was saying that these guys are the best and they're going to make the best game. | ||
| It's funny because EA had recently said they were going to have a new MMA game. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, you know, no one knew that it was going to be the UFC. Yeah. | ||
| But everybody was like, oh, it's probably going to be EA MMA 2. Right. | ||
| The second version of it. | ||
| Because they had an EA MMA game with like Fator and... | ||
| Yeah, I wonder if they're going to use that engine or if they're going to buy out the THQ engine or start to create a new engine. | ||
| Because that would be interesting if... | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| It might just be a re-stripped MMA game, I wonder. | ||
| The EA MMA looked decent, but man, a lot of the fucking fighters did not look like the real fighter. | ||
| I think they rushed that game. | ||
| They were like, oh shit, we gotta release a game now. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I think they saw when UFC, all the heat from UFC. Those guys fucking work. | ||
| That's the one thing that it really puts in perspective when you hang out with a guy like Cliffy B. You go to the Epic Games studio, like when we went down there, or if you go to THQ and you see the hours that we put in the video game, pretty minuscule. | ||
| I mean, I could complain at like six hours of sitting there going, he's rocked! | ||
| But the reality is that's not a hard job. | ||
| But these fucking guys are working long hours every day. | ||
| And then, when things don't go well, they just get laid off. | ||
| Are we back? | ||
| Jesus Christ, ladies and gentlemen, the technology here is just ridiculous. | ||
| We had an issue here at the Rogan compound with, at one point in time, the router kept fucking up and I would have to reboot it twice a day. | ||
| So today we replaced everything and yet the same thing happened. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Twice a day? | ||
| Yeah, sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes I would have to reboot it twice a day. | ||
| Damn, that sucks. | ||
| Well, the router was shitting out, so I replaced the router today, and it shit out. | ||
| You mean the router they give you, you had replaced? | ||
| No, because my house has a system, and there's Ethernet jacks all throughout the house, so you can get online anywhere. | ||
| When I bought this house, wireless wasn't that big. | ||
| and then now we set it up wired but so there's in the garage is like a big box that has all this these wires going into it and this giant big ass router that runs everything it's unnecessarily complicated but that's the way you want to have it if you have a house that has you know if you want Ethernet ports in your house you kind of have to have it they all the wires have to go to some why don't you just do wireless you can but it wasn't won't work for the whole house You | ||
| can get those little repeaters everywhere throughout your house. | ||
| Yeah, I've never tried that. | ||
| We have different stations. | ||
| We have stations throughout the house. | ||
| I want to make sure that it's a strong signal, too. | ||
| There's nothing more annoying than a fleeting wireless signal. | ||
| You've got to sit on the corner of the couch if you want to get it. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here and fix that shit. | ||
| You should just have Time Warner on one side of your house. | ||
| You-verse on the other side of your house. | ||
| I have all of them, so whenever one's down, you'd be like, alright, let's just go into this side of the house and use something else. | ||
| Or you could test them all out at the same time, see which one's the best. | ||
| Yeah, that sounds like a huge pain in the ass. | ||
| That sounds like something you would do if you had too much free time. | ||
| I would do that, though. | ||
| I finally get Verizon out here. | ||
| I get Verizon internet out here too. | ||
| Fios or whatever it's called? | ||
| No, I mean on your phone. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| It works. | ||
| Verizon updated it for the longest time out here. | ||
| I couldn't answer a phone call on Verizon. | ||
| But now I can. | ||
| Especially if I'm outside. | ||
| If I'm outside, I'll get confident. | ||
| I'll answer the fucking phone. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I don't give a fuck, dude. | ||
| AT&T has two bars right now. | ||
| Yeah, it's good for texting, but for phones, it's pretty ridiculous. | ||
| Have you heard this thing? | ||
| I mean, it's on Infowars.com, I think. | ||
| So it might not be real. | ||
| Not that Infowars is all horseshit, but they get a little crazy sometimes. | ||
| It says 5 million farmers are suing Monsanto for $7.7 billion. | ||
| That's pretty incredible. | ||
| 5 million farmers, $7.7 billion. | ||
| Which is like what they make in a month, probably. | ||
| But that's a lot of fucking people. | ||
| That's chicken scratch. | ||
| Yeah, they say that a farmer commits suicide because of Monsanto on some fucking ridiculous rate. | ||
| I'm trying to find it here in the articles, because there was something crazy, like every 30 seconds a farmer commits suicide. | ||
| 17,683 Indian farmers just in 2009 committed suicide. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| That shit's ridiculous. | ||
| So they're all suing for as much as 6.2 billion euros, 7.7 billion dollars. | ||
| I don't even think this is in America this is going on. | ||
| Oh, suicide every 30 minutes. | ||
| Wow, that is what it is. | ||
| It's probably really hard to find red chickens. | ||
| It's not chickens, it's the seeds, man. | ||
| They're trying to patent animals, but right now it's mostly seeds that they're selling. | ||
| They're Terminator seeds. | ||
| They're only good for a certain amount, and then they don't make seeds that work. | ||
| It's really kind of crazy that anybody's ever let them make these fucking horrible, distorted versions of life in the first place. | ||
| Fucking creeps. | ||
| Did you hear this thing about Pentagon suspects? | ||
| Some people in the Pentagon apparently downloaded porn. | ||
| One, two, three, go. | ||
| Some people in the Pentagon that were working there download kiddie porn. | ||
| It's for research, bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's some investigation, but they won't turn over the records because they say it would compromise national security. | ||
| So the Pentagon is allowed, the only people in the world, apparently, that are allowed to watch kiddie porn because they can download it and, look, we know what we're doing. | ||
| Trust us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is all about the United States government and keeping the peace. | |
| And the security of our fine nation. | ||
| Can you imagine watching kids get fucked by adults as a part of the security of your fine nation? | ||
| And you can't tell... | ||
| Why can't you say it's part of a research project where this guy downloaded it or that... | ||
| You know what they're doing, I bet? | ||
| I bet they have some sick fuck that's a child molester. | ||
| And they'll give him a little child porn if he gives them a little information. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, I wonder if child porn is going down lately because of the... | ||
| Are there trends in child porn? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I mean, you know, like the... | ||
| Nowadays that the school... | ||
| I mean, the old thing went with schoolgirls, Japanese schoolgirls. | ||
| Okay, wait a minute. | ||
| This is way crazier than I thought. | ||
| The Pentagon checked on... | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Pentagon employees suspected of viewing child pornography... | ||
| What? | ||
| Okay, this is crazy. | ||
| In 2006, the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency, which conducts internet pornography investigations, produced a list of 5,200 Pentagon employees suspected of viewing child pornography. | ||
| 5,200 employees. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How many employees are there? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| I wouldn't even thought there were that much. | ||
| Wait, what website is this? | ||
| This website that I'm reading right here, boston.com. | ||
| This is not a conspiracy website at all. | ||
| This is a real website. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The suspected of viewing child pornography and asked the Pentagon to review it, but the Pentagon checked only two-thirds of the names, unearthing roughly 300 defense and intelligence employees who allegedly had viewed child pornography on their work or home computers. | ||
| The defense investigators failed to check an additional 1,700 names on the list. | ||
| Defense officials have revealed in correspondence with Senator Charles Grassley, Republican of Iowa. | ||
| Probably they found out that their systems were hacked, and all these employees didn't look at child porn, and then halfway through searching all of them, they're like, no, we just got hacked. | ||
| That could be it, and they could not want to bring that up because they don't want to admit they got hacked. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Very possible. | ||
| And it was probably some famous goat-seed two-year-old. | ||
| Pick, you know? | ||
| It was probably something stupid like that. | ||
| Yeah, that is kind of a crazy number. | ||
| Yeah, that seems like every employee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Guys, I doubt... | ||
| I mean, how many employees is there? | ||
| But, I mean, 5,000 seems pretty big. | ||
| Well, let's find out how many employees are in the Pentagon. | ||
| That's a really good point that probably these knuckleheads didn't even think of. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well... | ||
| We have a show tomorrow. | ||
| Oh yeah, we have a show tomorrow at the Ice House and Friday at the Ice House. | ||
| Both in the Little Room, so don't sleep. | ||
| It'll sell out quick. | ||
| It's only like 85 seats. | ||
| The Pentagon. | ||
| How many people? | ||
| Come on, bitch. | ||
| What? | ||
| How many employees? | ||
| 24,000. | ||
| 24,000. | ||
| So that's, what is it, 10%? | ||
| How many? | ||
| What did we say? | ||
| 5,000. | ||
| So that's saying one-fifth of the employees are addicted to child points. | ||
| So that's, yeah, that's stupid. | ||
| It wasn't even 2,400. | ||
| You're right, it was 5,000. | ||
| Fucking Boston, why don't you talk to Burbank. | ||
| That's pretty ridiculous. | ||
| I wonder if that is the truth. | ||
| I wonder if you nailed it. | ||
| It's absolutely what it is, and that's why the Pentagon didn't say anything about it. | ||
| They just realized that they got hacked. | ||
| Or... | ||
| Imagine if the government is just infiltrated by kid fuckers. | ||
| And it's just like the Vatican. | ||
| Kid fuckers galore. | ||
| If you had to imagine how many people in the Vatican got busted for kid fucking. | ||
| How many of them... | ||
| Okay, look at it. | ||
| Vatican child porn. | ||
| I mean, there's gotta be something. | ||
| There's some scandal. | ||
| You can write Vatican child porn and you know you're gonna get some. | ||
| There you go! | ||
| Vatican fucking Canadian bishop convicted for child pornography. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| How easy. | ||
| So simple. | ||
| Isn't that amazing that you know that you can look that up? | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| You can just look up Vatican child porn and there's something. | ||
| Some Canadian bishop, they got rid of him. | ||
| They booted him out. | ||
| So it wasn't that, you know, the Vatican had child porn. | ||
| It was that they got rid of a guy who had child porn. | ||
| But then there was the whole issue of the guy who was the actual Pope himself, Ratzinger. | ||
| Ratzinger, Pope Benedict, whatever the fuck he was. | ||
| When he was a bishop or whatever silly name they like to give themselves, whatever the hell he was, he was in charge of following up on cases of child molestation. | ||
| And it's clear, clear evidence that he... | ||
| And he tried to divert the investigation and really slacked off on it and then got rid of the guy. | ||
| Aided in getting rid of the guy who they were going after. | ||
| They had all sorts of little things they would do. | ||
| A guy would get busted banging kids and they would just move him to another place. | ||
| Like, that's been the standard protocol of the Catholic Church for the longest time. | ||
| Whenever someone, a cardinal, gets caught and gets in trouble, they just move them to some other place. | ||
| It's really bizarre, man. | ||
| It makes you really wonder what it's all about. | ||
| It makes you really wonder if at the top branch of the Catholic Church, when they're all alone... | ||
| Are they just all kid fuckers? | ||
| They all bring like a bag and they're all around in a big circle and they empty the bag of their child and it comes out. | ||
| Oh god. | ||
| What if it's something really fucked up? | ||
| Like they kidnap one child a month. | ||
| What did you hear about the child that was missing from the... | ||
| I'll pull up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Child... | |
| Sex... | ||
| And then now you are in the Pentagon list. | ||
| Wasn't there was a... | ||
| Okay, here's a child sex investigation. | ||
| Yeah, this is it. | ||
| There was a story where a former bishop said that a girl who turned up missing was taken by the Vatican and they used her as a sex slave and killed her. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, pretty fucking strange, man. | ||
| Religions are fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Whenever they look at these things and these probes, they find out how many different reverends were fucked up. | ||
| The church previously insisted the crimes of the late Reverend Maciel, M-A-C-I-E-L, were his alone. | ||
| He was long held up as a model by Pope John Paul II, despite credible accusations later proven that he raped and molested his seminarians. | ||
| The Legion of Christ had over 900 priests. | ||
| Wow, Jesus Christ, this guy. | ||
| I don't even want to hear this. | ||
| He died in 2008. A year later, the Orthodox Order confessed that he had fathered three children with two different women and that he had abused his seminarians. | ||
| There's an arrogance that a lot of these dudes have when they become priests that they feel like everybody kisses their ass. | ||
| Have you ever been to a church? | ||
| Have you ever been to a Catholic church? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, I mean, I've been to one, but I didn't go to one. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Catholic church is very creepy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very strict. | ||
| If you giggle in a Catholic church, they'll smack you in your fucking head. | ||
| Fuck that noise. | ||
| They don't want kids to be kids in a Catholic church. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| You go to Baptist churches and everybody's laughing and giggling and little babies are crying. | ||
| They'll smack a baby in a Catholic church. | ||
| Nobody wants little kids crying out in a Catholic church. | ||
| It's like a harsh environment, and the priests are, yes, Father, Father, everyone's talking to them, Father, and everyone's real nervous to be around them. | ||
| Especially the old ones, they have this arrogance about them, which is really strange. | ||
| You're just some creepy old queer in a fucking weird outfit. | ||
| You can't come out of the closet, and you're You know, spouting off nonsense and everybody's kissing your ass. | ||
| So you've gotten confused and you really do believe that you're above everyone else. | ||
| Like, they have a weird fucking sense of entitlement. | ||
| It's very strange talking to a lot of priests. | ||
| Obviously not all of them. | ||
| A lot of priests. | ||
| But the one who gave the eulogy for my grandmother's funeral is a perfect example of that. | ||
| He was, first of all, he had gin blossoms all over his face. | ||
| This poor fuck. | ||
| You know when they get those broken blood vessels when they get hammered all the time? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, it's a shit life, man. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, so this fucking dude, his whole face, he was an obvious drunk. | ||
| And then, so was the one who married my sister. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Gin blossoms all over his face. | ||
| They look like a mess. | ||
| They call those Kreischers. | ||
| Kreischers? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What, does Burt have those? | ||
| No, Burt doesn't have those. | ||
| He gets red now. | ||
| That's for like old dudes who are like on death's door. | ||
| But anyway, my grandmother's name was Josephine. | ||
| And as they're doing the eulogy, he keeps calling her Geraldine. | ||
| He calls her Geraldine like three times. | ||
| And someone steps up and goes, it's Josephine. | ||
| Her name was Josephine. | ||
| And so he just, without missing a beat, Josephine, he doesn't say, my apologies. | ||
| I mean, this is a bunch of people who are sad because, you know, their mom has died. | ||
| And these fucks, you know, this guy's giving, he's just complaining. | ||
| Completely phoning this in. | ||
| So when he's saying Geraldine, Geraldine, they correct him. | ||
| Instead of saying, I'm sorry, you know, I made a mistake. | ||
| Her name was Josephine, not Geraldine. | ||
| It's my apologies. | ||
| Instead of that, he just changed it. | ||
| Geraldine, we here. | ||
| Anna, Geraldine, who died. | ||
| Not Geraldine, it's Josephine. | ||
| Josephine, who died. | ||
| It's just like phoning it in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He just said, like, the words and the order, no emotion behind it, no nothing. | ||
| Good night, everybody. | ||
| Take it easy. | ||
| I'm gonna go drink. | ||
| No pussy. | ||
| No fun. | ||
| No riverboat gambling. | ||
| Just little children's mouths. | ||
| Suppression. | ||
| I wonder how many of them are gay and how many of them are just miserable. | ||
| How many of them want to fuck kids? | ||
| How many of them want to just shoot themselves in the head? | ||
| What are the actual numbers? | ||
| And I'm sure a few of them are happy. | ||
| Don't get crazy, Twitter. | ||
| That's the thing that people get fucking most angry at me about, is shitting on religion. | ||
| Which I think is so hilarious, because I'm only shitting on specific acts that you could attribute them to religion. | ||
| But these are human beings that are fucking kids. | ||
| Growing up, that religion also makes me... | ||
| See, I don't see religion as bad... | ||
| Because I grew up Lutheran, which is like, I guess, you know, we had a Starbucks and stuff in our church. | ||
| Lutheran? | ||
| A Starbucks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You had a Starbucks in your church? | ||
| Well, it was a coffee place like a Starbucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, I mean, it was, you know, a lot different than... | ||
| It's like a social thing, a happy thing. | ||
| Yeah, it was good. | ||
| It was positive. | ||
| It was like, it was more relaxing and shit like that. | ||
| There's none of that shit in the Catholic Church. | ||
| Yeah, it wasn't too intense. | ||
| Catholic Church is all about guilt. | ||
| If you look at, like, if you think about the churches that are involved with the most fucked up accusations, the Catholic Church is at the top of that list. | ||
| The top. | ||
| And they're also the most suppressive. | ||
| The most suppressive, the most... | ||
| Just fill your head with guilt. | ||
| Guilt and anxiety and suffering and the feeling rather that you are a failure and that you are inadequate and that you will never measure up and you're a sinner in the eyes of God. | ||
| Didn't have any of that. | ||
| Oh, Scott, it was horrible. | ||
| First grade I did a full year of Catholic school and we went to church when I was like six or seven and we went to church on a regular basis all the time and it was hellacious. | ||
| It was disgusting. | ||
| It was all like terrible. | ||
| All you could think of is every day before school, I'd be like, fuck, I can't believe I have to go to this place. | ||
| Just this torturous place to drop off your children where they just glang onto your fucking neck and suck off all your happiness. | ||
| Just suck it out of you like a vampire, man. | ||
| Really weird. | ||
| I remember, I really clearly remember being in the middle of class while the teacher was doing something crazy and they were talking about something crazy. | ||
| I was like, you guys are nuts! | ||
| Like, how are you even saying this? | ||
| Like, listen to what's coming out of your mouth. | ||
| This is complete nonsense. | ||
| Like, what the fuck are we doing here? | ||
| That's kind of weird. | ||
| You almost got some kind of weird... | ||
| I don't know, like some kind of... | ||
| It's like not being molested, but as a child you were exposed to something that's probably not positive at all as an adult. | ||
| Mental molestation and a huge percentage of Catholics go through that shit. | ||
| I mean, I've talked to kids who went to Catholic school who didn't have a bad time, but most of them, a good percentage of them, had a gruesome experience. | ||
| With the soul sapping, they just suck the life out of you. | ||
| And that's why the Catholics are so crazy. | ||
| They bounce back. | ||
| You know, you can't suppress people. | ||
| You know, we've talked about this before, that Catholic school girls, girls that like Jenny McCarthy, perfect example. | ||
| You're talking about how horny she was? | ||
| She went to an all-girls Catholic school, man. | ||
| All girls Catholic schools produce the best sluts. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| They're all fucking locked away. | ||
| They have to sprint for Dick as soon as the light turns green. | ||
| They don't get to see Dick all day at school and flirt around with them and make friends with them and pass notes in class. | ||
| No, all day it's this boiling pot of pussy. | ||
| This big boiling mass of estrogen and female hormones and then the light turns green and they run out the door and just dive on a cock like a patriotic soldier on a grenade. | ||
| They can't wait to get some dick in them. | ||
| This poor fucking girl that I dated in high school, her and her sister were both the biggest pigs. | ||
| And they both went to Catholic school. | ||
| And then there was another one who was like a prude who went to public school. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| It was like, for some reason, one of them, they started her off in public school and they just kept her in. | ||
| But her sister, they had a little money. | ||
| Her sister was a couple years younger. | ||
| So they said, well, we're doing a little better now. | ||
| We're going to try to put her through Catholic school. | ||
| And that girl was the girl I dated. | ||
| And oh my God, she was a freak. | ||
| She was a fucking freak. | ||
| She would fuck anybody. | ||
| Anybody who tried to fuck her, she would fuck them. | ||
| Shoot, this bitch was crazy, man. | ||
| I told you, she was a girl where my friend was fingering her in front of my house when I got up in the morning to deliver newspapers. | ||
| They were still up from the night before partying, and they're parked in front of my fucking house. | ||
| And I slammed my hand on the hood. | ||
| I don't remember what I said, something half-witty, but I was like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| All my expectations for relationships were shattered by my first two girlfriends right away. | ||
| Because one of them was a complete slut that could not just leave a dick alone. | ||
| A dick was like a kitten with a ball of yarn. | ||
| You can't roll a ball of yarn in front of a kitten. | ||
| They just fucking paws go up and they dive on that shit. | ||
| That's how she was with cock. | ||
| And then the other one was like... | ||
| Really manipulative. | ||
| The other one, like, you know, you drive an hour and a half to see her, and she's like, I'm not in the mood. | ||
| You know, she was, like, really creepy. | ||
| Like, she wanted to, you know, be the one who always decided what was on TV and always decided what music we were listening to. | ||
| Yeah, it was a weird, selfish thing. | ||
| She grew up an only child, and her mom was kind of a cunt. | ||
| And so it wasn't happy. | ||
| Her mom was, like, a big woman, and she had a bad opinion of men. | ||
| It was a lot of weirdness in that house. | ||
| So I got to see Cunty, but pretty and nice, most of the time, just Cunty behavior occasionally, and then super whore. | ||
| And so I was like, Jesus Christ, relationships are disastrous. | ||
| Right away, the first couple of years of relationships to me was like, what's the point in this? | ||
| Not that I was any fucking prize back then either. | ||
| I mean, I was completely crazy. | ||
| But it's funny how you can have a couple crazy relationships while you're young, and it completely shapes you. | ||
| That's where you form your opinions of what relationships are like. | ||
| I've had some relationships as an older man when I got to be in my late 20s and 30. Really nice people. | ||
| You enjoyed being around them. | ||
| I didn't even think that was possible when I lived in Boston. | ||
| I thought, you know, based on my own personal experience, I was like, this is just some shit you gotta do to get some pussy, and then run away from them as quick as you can. | ||
| Go find your friends. | ||
| You know, that was my take on it. | ||
| Plus, if you're trying to do anything else while you're a kid, you don't really have the time for a real relationship. | ||
| You know, if you're going to high school and you're trying to pursue something, like if you're pursuing a sport or trying to be in a band or anything you're trying to do where you're throwing all of your possible energy at that, your amount of time that you have for relationships is... | ||
| It's pretty small. | ||
| I feel that way right now, almost. | ||
| I was watching that old movie, Howard Stern, Private Parts, and he, in that movie, had a part with his old wife, Beth, where Beth was like... | ||
| That's not his old wife. | ||
| His new wife is Beth. | ||
| Or what's his old... | ||
| The girl that he dated before? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Allison. | ||
| Allison. | ||
| Yeah, so Allison was like... | ||
| That's creepy that I know that. | ||
| Yeah, we know his whole... | ||
| But Allison was like saying, like, yeah, I never have time. | ||
| You only, you know, have time for your radio show and blah, blah, blah, and everything's... | ||
| And I'm thinking, like, shit, you know, that's the same how I feel right now, because I'm putting everything in one basket with doing podcasting and all that crap. | ||
| Why do you do that? | ||
| Listen, man, you're doing really well now, and you went on the road with Joey Diaz and did stand-up and had a great fucking time. | ||
| It's like a little baby. | ||
| It's like a little baby. | ||
| It's like a little project that I'm watching grow and blossom. | ||
| Nothing wrong with that. | ||
| And, you know, especially it's interesting when I have people, like, take over. | ||
| And then I come in the room and I'm like, oh shit, look, the camera's not even on that person. | ||
| It's shit like that where it's like... | ||
| But the people you haven't taken over are stoned out of their mind. | ||
| These are friends that are just helping me out. | ||
| But that's a good example of where I'm like, I feel like I have to have some kind of quality control. | ||
| Because that's a little baby that I created. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I totally understand that. | ||
| I totally understand where you're coming from. | ||
| I just think you could get there easier for you with less of them. | ||
| I have. | ||
| I've been cutting a lot. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Good. | ||
| But on the other hand, we've been doing three Joe Rogan podcasts and two Ice House shows now, so it's like I'm even working harder now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, we're killing it, though. | ||
| I feel too much of an obligation to all those people that we're meeting. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It sounds goofy, and it's really hard to talk about without sounding like you're crazy or you're an egomaniac. | ||
| But I feel like this is something bigger than all of us. | ||
| I feel like we're the ones who are responsible for broadcasting it, and we're the voices on the podcast. | ||
| But this podcast is resonating with so many fucking people. | ||
| So many people come to the shows, and it's not just, hey, we really like the show. | ||
| It's, you changed my life. | ||
| It's, this show changed my life. | ||
| This guy came up to me the other day in Edmonton, and he was telling me how he's much nicer to people now, and he takes the time to tip more and be nicer, and it's changed his whole way of life. | ||
| He says, I'm more successful now. | ||
| He goes, I feel better now. | ||
| I'm happier now. | ||
| He goes, I never thought that being nicer to people on purpose and then tipping... | ||
| Like, being nice and generous would make me feel so much better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's been a lot of that, and people are like, dude, you really did save my life. | ||
| Like, I was in that point in my life where I wanted to kill myself, and you guys really have, like, shook me out of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, I've had moments in my life when I haven't been happy, when I've felt like shit. | ||
| And then I have now where I could not be happier. | ||
| And when I look at my life... | ||
| What has changed physically in my body? | ||
| Well, actually, I've gotten older, so thinking about my past and my history of martial arts and all that, my body should be a mess. | ||
| I should be in pain all the time. | ||
| I shouldn't feel better and more happy and vibrant today than before. | ||
| So why do I? Well, one of the reasons why is because I don't have any negative shit in my life anymore. | ||
| I don't have any bad people in my life. | ||
| I don't have a bad job. | ||
| I don't have any negative things. | ||
| I don't have any things that I'm trying to avoid. | ||
| And when you don't have anything you're trying to avoid, you have happiness. | ||
| And it takes a while for people to recognize that there's a direct correlation between your state of mind and your state of existence. | ||
| And if you get both of them in line, you get both of them in line, you can have a good fucking life. | ||
| You don't have to be rich. | ||
| Rich is bullshit. | ||
| That's not what's important. | ||
| You know what you have to do? | ||
| You have to have enough money so you don't have to worry. | ||
| Have enough money so that you can feed yourself, so that you can take care of your family. | ||
| That's what you need. | ||
| When you get crazy and you want stacks of money, that's just another form of obsession. | ||
| You might as well just be jerking off until you put blisters on your dick. | ||
| The key to all this shit is balance. | ||
| The key to the whole thing is balance, and it's a constant struggle. | ||
| If I slip for a couple weeks, if I don't go in the tank for a couple weeks, if I don't write for a couple weeks, I can go a week without working out. | ||
| Anytime I do anything where I throw off the balance and I don't do the work that I'm supposed to put in, I feel the difference. | ||
| I feel less capable when I sit down and write again. | ||
| I feel less vibrant when I train. | ||
| I don't feel as good when I go on stage. | ||
| But that's something I don't hardly ever take a week off of stand-up anymore. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Even one week, I have to go up and kill it. | ||
| I have to go up and throw my new shit out there. | ||
| I have to go up and record it and go back and listen to it. | ||
| If I don't do that, I feel like I'm wasting something. | ||
| I feel like I feel like I've been gifted with an incredible opportunity, an incredible moment in time, an incredibly fortunate and fortuitous roll of the dice. | ||
| And I feel like it's an insult to the gods if you enjoy that, but then you neglect it and you let it rot away when you got it right there. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's like when I get on stage now, when I'm at my best, And, you know, and I'm killing and people came to see the show and they come out to the show and they say, oh my god, my stomach hurt and it was the funniest shit I ever saw. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| We had the greatest time. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| One of the things I'm thinking, thank god they had a great time. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Boy, I'm so happy. | ||
| The next thing I'm thinking is, I gotta keep doing this. | ||
| Like, I have an obligation. | ||
| It takes a long time to reach a state of proficiency at something. | ||
| It takes an even longer time to develop an audience. | ||
| It takes an even longer time to actually get a message out there that might change the way people think. | ||
| When you combine all of them together, that's when I say that I think it's bigger than all of us. | ||
| I feel like it's a... | ||
| It's something that started and I gotta keep going. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| People say, don't ever stop the podcast. | ||
| I don't think I can. | ||
| I don't think it's legal. | ||
| I don't think the laws of the universe wouldn't allow it. | ||
| That sounds pretentious, but for real, that's the 100% honest way how I feel about the whole situation. | ||
| I feel like we lit a spark and we started something and now we're like the keepers of the flame and everybody adds to this fucking thing. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| People are constantly tweeting things and sending things and offering suggestions and coming to shows and being enthusiastic and pumping. | ||
| You remember when you came to Atlanta when I filmed my special Atlanta? | ||
| What the fuck was that like? | ||
| Wandering around with all those people, thousands and thousands of people, everybody's friendly, everybody's happy. | ||
| There's a very specific vibe to all these shows. | ||
| And it's something that me and Ari were talking about when we were up in Canada. | ||
| He goes, wow, the crowd up there was great. | ||
| And I was like, they were awesome, man. | ||
| But when was the last time we had a shit crowd? | ||
| It's not happening anymore. | ||
| It's like you're getting the same type of people everywhere you go. | ||
| Do you ever worry about getting a DUI? Sure. | ||
| That's why I don't drink. | ||
| No, I know, but just for the point that, like, you can't, is that true that you cannot go to Canada after you have a DUI? Yes. | ||
| Can you imagine that, though? | ||
| Like, for you, yeah, that would be like, hey, no more fucking, you know, that just, you just got a huge job cut or salary cut. | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| You would have to hire a lawyer to try to get you in, and then you'd have to probably make some restitution. | ||
| But they just don't want any douchebags up there. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's insane, but I understand it. | ||
| Canada is so fucking nice. | ||
| People are so nice up there. | ||
| They're insanely inflammatory with their niceness. | ||
| It's like, Jesus, what are you, real? | ||
| Slow down. | ||
| Turn this down. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| You don't even realize it. | ||
| When you're around, especially big city Americans, it's so rare that you find really outgoing, friendly people. | ||
| And then you go to somewhere like Calgary or something like that, and everyone's friendly! | ||
| You go to Vancouver. | ||
| Everyone's friendly. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, a friend of mine was talking about that in a bar. | ||
| They were doing stand-up in Vancouver. | ||
| And they were at a bar. | ||
| And girls were like, hey, where are you from? | ||
| And they're like, what? | ||
| You're talking to us? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| He goes, we thought it was a trick. | ||
| Like, there were hookers or something. | ||
| Like, girls are just saying hi. | ||
| Coming up and saying hi. | ||
| Girls in America don't do that. | ||
| That's rare as fuck. | ||
| They're nicer up there, man. | ||
| They don't have that conqueror mentality. | ||
| They don't have this, uh, America! | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| When you're from the best, and you can talk all the shit you want about other empires, but they can all suck America's dick. | ||
| There's never been anything like America. | ||
| We're lucky, I guess, you want to look at it that way, that we're born here in this crazy machine. | ||
| But if you look at empires, like the Roman Empire, the Persian Empire, any empires that tried to conquer the world, nobody did nothing like what we're doing. | ||
| And we're denying that we're an empire. | ||
| We're right in the middle of it, military presence in over 100 different countries. | ||
| And we're like, we're just trying to be nice. | ||
| When you have that kind of a country and there's so much military power and the whole world kind of like – Think about how many assholes just act like douchebags because their team wins. | ||
| You know, like when the Lakers win the championships and dudes are driving down the street, we're number one, bitch! | ||
| We're number one, bitch! | ||
| And you don't even know the Lakers are playing. | ||
| You're like, what the fuck is going on with these people? | ||
| They're number one for what? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Well, they choose the Lakers. | ||
| They live in LA, so they're number one now. | ||
| That's what a lot of people are about America being a military power. | ||
| There's a lot of fuckheads in this country that act like extra cocky because we're this giant military power. | ||
| As if they have anything to do with it. | ||
| We're number one, bitch! | ||
| We got the bombs, bitch! | ||
| I saw Backdraft last night. | ||
| Remember that movie? | ||
| No, you didn't. | ||
| With Kurt Russell? | ||
| Yeah, and remember how paranoid you were to open your front door for two weeks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The whole movie was about fucking Backdrafts. | |
| I remember just sitting there touching my door real quick and spitting on it. | ||
| They made a movie about fire going through doorways. | ||
| Really fast. | ||
| Who gives a shit about backdrafts now is what I'm saying. | ||
| He's like, I never think about backdrafts. | ||
| Yeah, when does that come up? | ||
| When was your last backdraft? | ||
| Fire's scary as fuck, though, man. | ||
| It's weird that we got this thing that we control, and we don't even think about it. | ||
| It's just, you know, you light it. | ||
| You know, you can buy it anywhere you go. | ||
| Think about how irresponsible people are, and then think about the fact that we got fire in our pocket. | ||
| Yeah, we got fire in our pocket. | ||
| It's amazing there's not way more fires than there are. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Fire. | ||
| We're just sitting around here talking. | ||
| I got fire. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're so stupid. | ||
| That can burn a whole city down. | ||
| Think how fucking stupid we are in the fact that you could go to a corner drugstore. | ||
| Give me ten of those. | ||
| Just get ten of them. | ||
| Go to the liquor store. | ||
| Give me some lighter fluid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you can just light shit on fire everywhere. | ||
| It's amazing when you really think about the potential for damage with all the shit that we have, how little things actually get damaged. | ||
| You know, especially with fire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you ever been in a big fire? | ||
| Were you around when the big brush fires? | ||
| Did you see any of that? | ||
| Yeah, I've been here when I lived in Calabasas when I first moved out here. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Did you ever get evacuated? | ||
| I remember we were on the road. | ||
| I think the Real Men of Comedy Tour or something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fire was there and my ex-fiancee at the time had to pack up her whole entire apartment because she got evacuated. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I thought it was so bad. | ||
| I was like, She's just like, where do I go? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I know, that's scary as fuck, man. | ||
| I've been evacuated twice. | ||
| And where I used to live in Colorado, that burnt down too. | ||
| Not the house, but that area burnt down too. | ||
| They lost like Something like hundreds and hundreds of houses. | ||
| Some insane amount of acreage, too. | ||
| Got burnt down. | ||
| The reality is, once those motherfuckers get started, especially out here, it's so dry out here. | ||
| When's all that shit start? | ||
| Like right now? | ||
| It starts right now. | ||
| June 1st is the time where we have to have brush clearance. | ||
| So you're supposed to clear out all the dead shit in the brush. | ||
| And, you know, people get fined for that. | ||
| It's a big deal. | ||
| Because some asshole who doesn't take care of his lawn... | ||
| You know, and you let the brush pile up and all of a sudden you've got a really dangerous situation if anything flies and lands on it. | ||
| That's what fucks them up. | ||
| Is these fires, they start and the embers float through the air. | ||
| And then the embers will land on some dry grass and poof! | ||
| There's a new fire. | ||
| And that's the epicenter of a new fire. | ||
| And it's just fucking the wind takes that bitch and carries those flames. | ||
| And that lights a tree on fire. | ||
| And the embers from that fly up and that catches some other area. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a fucking pain in the ass, man. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| They got to circle them and drop water on them and shit. | ||
| Have you ever seen them scoop down and get the water? | ||
| Yeah, because when there was fires in Burbank, because I also experienced one in Burbank, there was a fire at the Hollywood Mountain two years ago or a year ago. | ||
| And I guess there's a big water scoop for helicopters on the top of the mountain there. | ||
| They just sat there and watched them scoop out of a big pool, like a swimming pool almost. | ||
| When I first came here, there was a big fire in the Hollywood Hills. | ||
| It's a fucking really nice area of the Hollywood Hills, and we were watching it from the Virgin Megastore. | ||
| There was that little area out front where Wolfgang Puck's... | ||
| I don't know if it still is there, but it used to be there. | ||
| We were sitting there watching these helicopters drop fire on this building. | ||
| And I just kept thinking, what a strange world we live in where we take something like fire for granted. | ||
| And here it is, just eating its way through the earth. | ||
| This energy source. | ||
| And everybody's freaking out and dropping things on it and trying to stop it. | ||
| Really inadequate. | ||
| Really ineffective. | ||
| Like, it takes a long time to put out a fucking fire. | ||
| They're trying, but they have these giant fucking planes. | ||
| They have to go down, scoop up the water, fly over, and poof! | ||
| It's like they shoot a little tiny water load on the fire, and then right back to it. | ||
| It takes a long fucking time to actually put the fire out. | ||
| And most likely some houses are going to get jacked and there's nothing they can do about it. | ||
| And all those houses inside of them have electricity. | ||
| This other crazy power thing that we totally take for granted is fucking pulsating energy through the wires of the house that powers your internet and powers your fucking lights. | ||
| And our life would suck tremendous cock if we didn't have it. | ||
| Or it might be completely amazing. | ||
| How would it be amazing? | ||
| Because it would be really quiet. | ||
| Nothing would be fresh. | ||
| More people would have sex. | ||
| Hard to get healthy meat. | ||
| You have to kill things that day. | ||
| That's annoying as fuck. | ||
| Imagine if you have to kill fish and animals that day. | ||
| That's the only way. | ||
| Your whole life would be about hunting and gathering. | ||
| Once you cut out the electricity, it's really difficult to store things. | ||
| You know, it's hard. | ||
| You gotta go with cattle, and then you gotta make sure if you kill it, you eat all of it, so you have to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Calculate. | |
| How many people are here? | ||
| Who's working? | ||
| We're going to make sure everybody's doing their part to get a piece of this animal. | ||
| We're going to kill another one tomorrow. | ||
| And how long if you lived in a place like California and it was the summertime? | ||
| How long does an animal last once you kill it? | ||
| I'd probably give it 24 hours. | ||
| You really think? | ||
| 24 hours? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it would be rotten as fuck in 24 hours, man. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| But in this heat, when it's like 90 degrees outside, I gotta think that animal's gonna be a mess. | ||
| Well, if you wrap it up in cum or a leaf or something like that. | ||
| Cum? | ||
| Is cum the new preservative that you're using? | ||
| Well, I tried cumin. | ||
| It didn't work. | ||
| So I was like, let's just try cum. | ||
| It sounds like it. | ||
| Is Koeman even a preservative? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a spice. | ||
| That joke didn't make sense. | ||
| What the fuck are you saying? | ||
| So, tomorrow night, we are live at the Ice House at 8.30. | ||
| And who's on the lineup so far? | ||
| We got Brody Stevens, John Scheiser, Tony Hinchcliffe, Randy Litke, John Scheidemeyers. | ||
| Tony's fucking funny, man. | ||
| That kid's got some great jokes. | ||
| He's really good, man. | ||
| He's a really good writer. | ||
| Yeah, he made me laugh. | ||
| Jeffrey Ross hired him for a reason. | ||
| How dare he? | ||
| How dare he try to pretend he wrote those jokes? | ||
| Yeah, guys, when they're writing, when they're doing, like, roasts and shit like that, that's when, you know, there's a lot of comics that make a good living just doing writing and punch-up, stuff like that. | ||
| You know what's weird is that I don't even realize this, but, like, two of my good friends, Pete and Tony, who both help us out almost every Ice House Chronicles, they're both from Ohio, and they're like, it's weird that I'm almost, I feel like I'm, like, getting pushed toward them. | ||
| Yeah, because of the Ohio, they both kind of grew up the same. | ||
| You all have stunted emotional development. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You can all be children forever together. | ||
| Yeah, it is a weird thing how you sort of like where you grew up. | ||
| That's sort of how you... | ||
| You like hanging out with Boston people. | ||
| You hang out with all these Boston comics. | ||
| Speaking of which, Bill Burr is doing the podcast next Thursday. | ||
| Sweet! | ||
| So make sure you get up on your RSS feed knowledge. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I love Bill Burr. | ||
| I love Bill Burr too. | ||
| I wonder if he's still mad at Stitcher. | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| Have they all given up on that yet? | ||
| I think they've all come back to Stitcher, or a lot of them have been coming back to Stitcher because they're realizing... | ||
| Is Carolla on Stitcher? | ||
| Yeah, he's always been on Stitcher. | ||
| He's been a Stitcher darling for a long time. | ||
| But he does his commercials. | ||
| He does them live, and he does them in the moment. | ||
| He'll break for commercial in the middle of his podcast, or at several points. | ||
| Yeah, he does a radio format. | ||
| So does Toad Hop. | ||
| So he doesn't have to, like, they don't need to, like, splice in ads on him. | ||
| You know, his ads get out there no matter what. | ||
| If Stitcher takes the feed and sends it, his ads get out there. | ||
| So it's not like Sirius, for example, where our show, when it goes to Sirius, they cut out the fleshlight ad. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Every time I hear that, it's so weird. | ||
| Strange. | ||
| I'll get, because I'll always have it on either, you know, Stern or OpenAnthene channel. | ||
| I'll turn on my car and just hear myself talking about it. | ||
| It confuses the fuck out of me. | ||
| Like, whoa! | ||
| Yeah, it's weird when you don't expect to hear yourself and you hear yourself. | ||
| That's really weird. | ||
| I'm like, that guy sounds like me. | ||
| Wait, that is me. | ||
| Do you sound like an idiot? | ||
| Do you listen to yourself and get mad? | ||
| The old ones I did. | ||
| What's changed about you? | ||
| How have you gotten better at podcasting? | ||
| Because I'm not trying to just be as goofy and stupid as possible anymore. | ||
| When you do that, it's almost like a girl that's at a party and no one's paying attention to her, so you'll do something nutty. | ||
| I was acting like how I act drunk and hanging out with my friends instead of just being like, oh, people are listening to me. | ||
| I actually talked. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, then you had to hear that. | ||
| Oh, here's something weird that happened to me last night I wanted to talk about. | ||
| It's kind of the same way. | ||
| I had this weird thing happen to me the last two days where I have been giggly and silly and fucking really high energy and really happy. | ||
| Giggly happy like I was running around poking people with straws last night like a little kid and then and then it just went away and I came back to normal and I was like What was that all about like it almost felt like there was some kind of government up in me It was a way to tune into your frequency It was weird, though, because it was like, have I been going through, like, a long-time depression and that was just, like, a bump out of it, you know, or something like that? | ||
| Or have I been, like, you know, lacking something in my head or diet or something like that, and I just had whatever had, like, a normalcy for a while? | ||
| Because I felt like I was like, wow, if I felt like this every day, I would fucking... | ||
| Love life, you know, like crazy. | ||
| You should feel like that every day. | ||
| Yeah, I guess so, but like how do you even explain that like you can't like rewind like hey can you look at my database? | ||
| Tell me what was going on there. | ||
| Well a lot of it is. | ||
| Yeah, it could have been a lot of different things all at once, but it was unnecessary and came out of nowhere. | ||
| I mean, but that's probably good. | ||
| Yeah, it was great, but I don't feel like that right now. | ||
| You can't always feel like that. | ||
| It's almost like you want good feelings to just come to you instead of you want to earn them. | ||
| I haven't felt that in how long. | ||
| It was one of those things like, holy shit, man, this is crazy. | ||
| I feel like I'm on ecstasy right now for no reason. | ||
| You haven't felt like that in a while? | ||
| I mean, it was weird. | ||
| It was just, like, it happened last night, and I was just, like, silly and giggly for no reason. | ||
| Like, I was sober, and I was just running around being crazy. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| So, uh, I'm setting up this new studio, by the by. | ||
| We're, uh, working on everything right now, so I'm starting, uh... | ||
| Pricing out equipment and getting everything ready in place. | ||
| I was going to have a raw cement floor, but I realized that sound-wise... | ||
| Sound-wise, that would be good. | ||
| So I'm going to go with... | ||
| Go with rubber. | ||
| Rubber? | ||
| Rubber floor, you know, like where you have in a gym, locker room or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that good? | |
| Really? | ||
| That should be fun. | ||
| It'd be comfortable. | ||
| It'd be great for sound. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I got that shit in my gym. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That I drop weights on. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That might not be a bad idea. | ||
| That way if we drop some phones and shit, they won't get broken. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I was actually thinking of going with office carpeting. | ||
| But that rubber floor might be better. | ||
| Recycled tire floor. | ||
| Although it's a cunt to clean. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not fun to clean. | ||
| So don't be jizzing on my fucking rubber floor. | ||
| What about like a floor that they use in like a jiu-jitsu gym, like a racquetball? | ||
| Racquetball's hard, hardwood floors. | ||
| And that's a real echo-y room, a racquetball room. | ||
| What you want is soft things, where the carpet absorbs And you want to put stuff on the walls, like Corolla's joint. | ||
| He's got these big cloth ace broadcasting banners that are framed and they absorb. | ||
| They're framed and it's screen printed or silkscreened onto the cloth and then it's framed. | ||
| So it's his banner in several different places and that absorbs... | ||
| But it might actually be cool just to have... | ||
| I like those soundproof little cone things, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Those panels with individual little cones in them, like hundreds of cones. | ||
| Yeah, egg cartons, exactly. | ||
| Put that shit on the wall. | ||
| But I'm trying to find, and this is where people out in the Twitterverse can help me. | ||
| I'm trying to find what's the best office chairs. | ||
| These are kind of cool. | ||
| I like these. | ||
| These are alright. | ||
| But when I sit back on them, sometimes... | ||
| You gotta get those net ones, though, if you want to get the best ones. | ||
| Are those the best ones? | ||
| Those fucking thousand dollar net ones. | ||
| Oh, the Ermin, Mailer... | ||
| How dare they? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who the fuck... | |
| How dare they hack the mainframe? | ||
| I had to turn it back on because our phone went off. | ||
| Excuse me, our internet went off. | ||
| No, I got rid of that feature. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| That's a good feature. | ||
| Um... | ||
| This is a super old school podcast. | ||
| We've had internet connection problems. | ||
| We've had old phone calls. | ||
| Yeah, that's as old school as we can get. | ||
| I just need to talk about Trailer Vixen. | ||
| Oh, how dare you? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Can't you let it go, son? | ||
| The way you should look at that relationship is that there's no way you should be able to fuck a girl like that in real life. | ||
| I have no problems with her. | ||
| She's fine. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| So whatever craziness, you gotta say to yourself, why, of course there was craziness. | ||
| She was fucking me. | ||
| How could she not be crazy? | ||
| You gotta look at it that way. | ||
| My notes make girls go crazy. | ||
| Yeah, you sent her crazy. | ||
| And she has to be crazy to be fucking you in the first place. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| She should be fucking some giant supermodel dude, right? | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| I can't do websites that good. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| You're going inside. | ||
| Inside knowledge for folks at home. | ||
| This is, again, just like the old podcast. | ||
| That's just a joke. | ||
| We were pretending that no one was listening. | ||
| That was a fucking million people going, oh, Brian. | ||
| We've got to get those oh, Brian t-shirts made. | ||
| We keep promising those. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So anybody who has any insight as to what's the best, most comfortable chairs, within reason, I guess probably those gravity chairs from Relax the Back. | ||
| Those would be kind of dope. | ||
| You should get all massage chairs from Spencer Gifts. | ||
| But they make too much noise. | ||
| You'd be in the middle of a podcast. | ||
| They'd probably make them say... | ||
| No, they're not quiet. | ||
| I mean, they're fairly quiet. | ||
| What if we get those water massagers where you lay in and your head just sticks out? | ||
| That's loud as fuck. | ||
| Those things are ridiculous. | ||
| You have to have an engine that pushes all that water around, doesn't it? | ||
| Like a pump. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've never got one of those. | ||
| It must be. | ||
| It must be loud as fuck. | ||
| How could it not be? | ||
| It's a mechanical thing. | ||
| Something's spinning around. | ||
| A lot of movement. | ||
| You're forcing all that water through. | ||
| But I think they have some other chairs that are like these gravity chairs that lean back. | ||
| But I think they're like more than a thousand bucks each. | ||
| There's got to be something that's like a decent chair that's like comfortable. | ||
| I don't know if office chairs are the way to go. | ||
| I love these chairs. | ||
| You think they're the way to go? | ||
| These chairs are really good. | ||
| It seems like office chairs owe for the most support, right? | ||
| I think office chairs are the way to go. | ||
| I never, I mean, couches and other kind of chairs always seem like, we've tried almost everything. | ||
| You know, we started off with couch. | ||
| Yeah, I think we started off with the couch. | ||
| That was super whack. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then we had some other... | ||
| Couch seems like it would work, but then it's annoying to sit on the couch. | ||
| You know what would be the best? | ||
| I mean, the ultimate best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's the ultimate? | |
| We all had Lazy Boys. | ||
| That is the ultimate, right? | ||
| Dude, have you been to a Lazy Boy store? | ||
| They've done a lot of good shit with Lazy Boy. | ||
| Would that really be the best? | ||
| Yeah, we could all have Lazy Boy. | ||
| I'll have a laptop right on our lap. | ||
| Fucking on the side, we have our fucking little places for our drinks. | ||
| We could easily do that. | ||
| Dude, if we're gonna do it, might as well be most comfortable. | ||
| How much does a Lazy Boy cost? | ||
| How much? | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| Dude, Lazy Boys start off probably around $300 even. | ||
| But, I mean, getting us some Pimp Lazy Boy. | ||
| Dude, Lazy Boy makes some good couches and everything now. | ||
| Lazy Boy, wow. | ||
| $2,584. | ||
| Go to the Lazy Boy store. | ||
| Dude, look at that shit. | ||
| No, no, not that. | ||
| That's old school Lazy Boy. | ||
| Go to, I think it's Lazy Boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lazy Boy. | |
| Yeah, I'm there. | ||
| I'm there at Lazy Boy.com. | ||
| It's L-A-Z-Boy.com. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you just got a regular Lazy Boy, it takes you to that one or not. | |
| Check out these recliners. | ||
| Their site's getting crushed. | ||
| I wonder if it's us. | ||
| Two people at once was too much. | ||
| Two people and everybody else online. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was like, yeah, let me open up a separate window here and see what they got. | |
| So these, they recline. | ||
| All these recline, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lazy boy recliner. | ||
| Okay, how much is this bitch right here? | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| This is in cloth. | ||
| Should it be cloth or leather? | ||
| Leather, boo. | ||
| Leather, boo. | ||
| Fuck cows, right? | ||
| Fuck cow arms. | ||
| By the way, all you silly bitches on my website forum that really think that I'm... | ||
| When I say fuck all the animals, that I really want all the animals to die... | ||
| I'm talking shit, folks. | ||
| Didn't you ever talk shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn, this website sucks a bag of dicks. | |
| It's only meant for modems. | ||
| Yeah, this website is fucking terrible. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| They show their stupid things, and it's like, add to my favorites. | ||
| It doesn't tell you about them. | ||
| Show me your chair, you fuckheads. | ||
| It's a sucky website, lazy boy. | ||
| Your website blows. | ||
| Dude, get off your ass and get a new website. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fix it. | |
| All the guys are lazy there. | ||
| They're just too comfortable to do anything. | ||
| You want to be the official chair of Death Squad West, you fuckheads. | ||
| You have to come up with something better than this. | ||
| Well, they have some good products. | ||
| They look good. | ||
| But the websites suck so hard, it's hard to look at them. | ||
| Do you think that's people listening to the podcast that are doing that? | ||
| 3,000 people or so just go right to lazyboy.com at the same time. | ||
| It probably is. | ||
| I'm going to type in Pimp Lazy Boy. | ||
| Oh, you know there's one. | ||
| I want ostrich skin because ostriches are cunts. | ||
| Cunty birds. | ||
| Whoa, these are dope, dude. | ||
| My pimped out lazy boy. | ||
| Okay, I just found it. | ||
| Look at this, son. | ||
| Look at this, look at this. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Have we all got those? | ||
| Yeah, you can have like a little fucking hose just so you can smoke weed, you know, kind of on the side of that lazy boy. | ||
| Rialto Lazy Boy Double Recliner Review. | ||
| Ooh, son. | ||
| That might not be a bad idea. | ||
| Yeah, and maybe have the table where it comes... | ||
| Like, we can just, like, pull the table out or something. | ||
| It's $1,200 for the regular ones, and then $1,900 for the ones that are in leather. | ||
| And that thing looks pretty fucking sporty. | ||
| Dude, lazy boys, and maybe have... | ||
| Wouldn't that be annoying, though, after, like, a couple of hours? | ||
| Would it get annoying? | ||
| Laying down? | ||
| Awesome! | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah, dude, Lazy Boys are just like this when you lay back, but just imagine more comfortable. | ||
| You have your feet up like a gentleman. | ||
| You think that that would be a good thing for podcast seats, though? | ||
| It would suck if I got five Lazy Boys and then we decided it blows. | ||
| Well... | ||
| And you can't just have one. | ||
| If it was just like me with a Lazy Boy and everybody else in a regular chair... | ||
| Fucking dick. | ||
| Invite me over to your place and sit me in a fucking Staples $50 office chair while you got some crazy, lazy boys. | ||
| If they suck, we just move to Death Squad East, or whatever it's called. | ||
| Well, this one... | ||
| This one, yeah, Death Squad East. | ||
| It's East. | ||
| This one is $450. | ||
| That's not bad. | ||
| That's a cloth one with sides to it. | ||
| Looks pretty comfortable. | ||
| I think the only thing that we might run into is people falling asleep if it gets boring. | ||
| Oh, those bitches. | ||
| They could, right? | ||
| Especially with stoners. | ||
| That could be the issue. | ||
| Yeah, dude, but I mean, just if you had to ask, would I rather sit down for three hours with your feet up and comfortable or bouncing on this office chair, you know? | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| I mean, if we wanted beds, we could get single beds. | ||
| Each have a single bed. | ||
| We could just all lay there. | ||
| Dude, that's the move. | ||
| No, you lazy bitch. | ||
| We should stand up. | ||
| Dude, we all have our own little blankets. | ||
| We bring our own pillow. | ||
| It would be like nap time where we have our little blankets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little blanket. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And each person can have their own quilt that fans make. | ||
| We can have the red band quilt. | ||
| So we can have conversations like at camp. | ||
| You're lying in bed and the lights go out. | ||
| Hey, you guys really think ghosts are real? | ||
| Or we get the one where we each have our own fucking number. | ||
| What's it? | ||
| Tempur-Pedic? | ||
| No, the blow one. | ||
| The air one. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| You suck. | ||
| The one where the back goes up. | ||
| Yeah, the Tempur-Pedics are the ones, the phone, the memory phone. | ||
| That's the good stuff. | ||
| The ones that blow the air in it, like you can get it harder or softer, depending on what your number is. | ||
| Those suck. | ||
| I had one of those. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| Well, just get one of the hospital bed ones where we can put it up and we're in a hospital room. | ||
| Dude, that would be the move. | ||
| If we all had hospital beds and we had oxygen just going pumped into us while we're all laying there talking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This website is going to keep me from buying a Lazy Boy. | ||
| No, you need to go to a Lazy Boy store. | ||
| I think there's one here in Thousand Oaks or something like that. | ||
| Maybe we get some sort of a deal with Lazy Boy. | ||
| Well, if you're listening to Lazy Boy, contact us. | ||
| We'll talk about you. | ||
| We'll get you back into the fucking... | ||
| We'll blow you back up. | ||
| We'll get you in the mix. | ||
| We'll get a real website designer to call you and call at you. | ||
| This sack of shit you got going on here where you don't even... | ||
| You guys, you silly bitches, you don't even have prices. | ||
| Like, there's no prices on your website. | ||
| What kind of nonsense is that? | ||
| Store locator. | ||
| Store locator. | ||
| What? | ||
| There's a website and you can't buy shit from your website? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Oh, it's probably because of shipping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so 2003. Yeah, but you can't even ship kettlebells without it being a headache. | |
| Imagine shipping big old lazy boys. | ||
| Well, we can ship kettlebells without it being a headache. | ||
| It's just a pain in the ass. | ||
| But there's countries that cost a lot of money. | ||
| But there's companies, rather, that ship big stuff. | ||
| Yeah, like crates companies. | ||
| Yeah, like Restoration Hardware. | ||
| They send couches in the mail all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not in the mail. | |
| Dropship. | ||
| They drive them. | ||
| I wonder if Amazon has lazy boys. | ||
| They have everything. | ||
| No, Amazon doesn't have lazy boys. | ||
| Yep, they do. | ||
| What? | ||
| From a different seller. | ||
| Let's see how much shipping is for a Lazy Boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Okay. | ||
| I found it, dude. | ||
| When you go to Amazon, look at this. | ||
| Sweat this right here. | ||
| This professional high-back leather Lazy Boy. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is what we need. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Yeah, but there's no leg support. | ||
| That's the big thing. | ||
| Oh, so we get those. | ||
| We get separate leg supports. | ||
| Well, that's not the same, man. | ||
| No? | ||
| You get a nice-ass, fat, lazy boy. | ||
| This one has a leg support. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's not the same thing. | ||
| I'm talking about the one where the thing comes out of the bottom of the chair and you're pretty much laying down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Shit's the bomb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Lazy boy recliner is what it's called. | ||
| Yeah, you really do have to get a recliner, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you can't fuck around. | ||
| This is pretty sick, though. | ||
| This lazy boy chair. | ||
| The presidential high back swivel chair. | ||
| That looks pretty fucking sporty. | ||
| That looks cool, too. | ||
| That would be like a cool chair to have in there. | ||
| It's a thousand bucks, man. | ||
| This one's not a Lazy Boy, but if you go look at this one, it's called the Wickenburg Bonded Leather Rocker Recliner in Brown, where it's just a big old puffy Lazy Boy chair. | ||
| That looks fucking comfortable as fuck. | ||
| That looks like something you sit in before you suck a cock. | ||
| I don't even know what that means. | ||
| Which one is that? | ||
| Oh, look at this one. | ||
| Coaster Furniture Tritone Burgundy Top Grain Leather Recliner. | ||
| That right there, man. | ||
| Oh, it's only got three stars, though. | ||
| This recliner comes with AIDS. If you had Lazy Boy recliners though, do you think that it would change the overall tone of a podcast and make people too comfortable, lethargic? | ||
| Man, we keep the receipt. | ||
| Joey Diaz would fall asleep, man. | ||
| Well... | ||
| Let Joey Diaz put his feet up? | ||
| Listen, dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You blame all one fucking Penn and Teller thing? | |
| Fuck Penn and Teller! | ||
| Remember how angry he got when we played Penn Jillette's rant? | ||
| What are you wasting my time here for? | ||
| Like, he was angry. | ||
| Why are you letting somebody talk besides me? | ||
| I'm the fat guy around here! | ||
| Um... | ||
| I can't find, uh... | ||
| There's some pretty good ones. | ||
| It seems like that might be an option, but we have to find a place where we can sit in one of these things. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| It was one place, that chair I looked at, it was $900. | ||
| In this place, the same chair, lazy boy, presidential chair, $1,500. | ||
| Bed and pillows. | ||
| Bed and pillows, you think? | ||
| Just get a huge fucking bed, wall to wall. | ||
| We all lay down like hippies and we all have our own little beanbag pillows and stuff and we can bring blankets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think that's the move. | |
| Like rave style. | ||
| I think this is the move. | ||
| I think this high back presidential office chair is the move. | ||
| That looks so sick. | ||
| How about 12 person hot tub? | ||
| Dude, but this looks so sick. | ||
| This presidential chair looks so dope. | ||
| It looks comfortable, and a whole studio filled with them, I think that's the perfect compromise. | ||
| See, that doesn't look comfortable. | ||
| Are you kidding? | ||
| That looks super uncomfortable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It looks like one of those stiff chairs where you can't recline back. | |
| Yeah, you can. | ||
| Yeah, it reclines. | ||
| It leans back. | ||
| No, that just rocks back. | ||
| That whole thing's connected. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying. | ||
| It doesn't fold at the joint. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You lean back. | ||
| Lean back. | ||
| I don't know, dude. | ||
| I'm partial to this. | ||
| I need to try this out somewhere. | ||
| I think we just need one of the Silver Bullet trailers, and we pimp that motherfucker out, and then we could have the fucking studio anywhere the fuck we want. | ||
| Well, we could have a mobile studio. | ||
| It's not a bad idea to also have. | ||
| Why not just have one of that? | ||
| Well, because it's not enough space. | ||
| No. | ||
| Have you seen the big ones? | ||
| They're huge! | ||
| The silver, what are they? | ||
| The Airstream trailers. | ||
| Look at this, mother. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Go to Airstream.com. | ||
| We could completely give up the idea of a studio and just get a trailer. | ||
| Look at these fucking trailers. | ||
| These things are fucking amazing. | ||
| And you can have this anywhere you want to go. | ||
| Like, if you want to go to fucking San Diego, if you want to fucking I do like the idea of having something that you could bring with you, like something that you could tow with you. | ||
| But really, if we were going to do that, why would we get a studio? | ||
| We could get a studio bus. | ||
| The right way to do it is to have one of those... | ||
| Mobile home things? | ||
| Not a mobile home. | ||
| What are those called? | ||
| RVs? | ||
| Where people travel across the country in those big trucks? | ||
| Look at that motherfucker. | ||
| That's pretty dope, but it doesn't have a car part. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| That's why we get a sweet car to add to it. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| How big is it inside of that? | ||
| Dude, it's humongous. | ||
| They have all different sizes. | ||
| They have sizes that you could... | ||
| People live in these things. | ||
| Right, but how much does one of those cost? | ||
| Look at these floor plans. | ||
| Wow, these are pretty fucking huge. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| The dope move would be, dude, to get one of these as a travel thing, and then we go on a tour. | ||
| We start in Seattle, and we go down Seattle, San Francisco, or Seattle, Portland. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| You could fucking pimp this bitch out. | ||
| Like, look at this shit. | ||
| That could be our podcast studio. | ||
| Yeah, the whole studio. | ||
| If we gutted this whole thing out, we got it all soundproof, got it high-tech. | ||
| I know companies that actually do that. | ||
| Can you imagine, though, if you got a car accident while you're podcasting, how bad that would suck? | ||
| And who's going to drive? | ||
| All our friends are assholes. | ||
| Dude, we get your fucking driver, dude. | ||
| The guy that buys all the CDs. | ||
| Hit that guy? | ||
| Hit that guy. | ||
| Might not be a bad idea. | ||
| I mean, and we can just go anywhere. | ||
| So fuck, like, you have a show at the Hollywood Improv, you fucking park this thing right in front. | ||
| That would be pretty dope. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You grab people. | ||
| I mean, that's like having a studio anywhere you go. | ||
| But these things, they're towed. | ||
| What you really want is one with a steering wheel that drives. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You just get a touring coach. | ||
| The thing about this, though, is if you get towed, if you have one of those that gets towed, then you don't even talk to the guy that's driving. | ||
| He's just taking you there. | ||
| You're completely closed off in a whole other area. | ||
| So you don't have to hear him on the phone. | ||
| You have to hear him yelling and rushing. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Big Yeah, big ass one. | ||
| We're looking at one that says the Mercedes-Benz one. | ||
| What's that called? | ||
| That's called an interstate touring coach by Airstream. | ||
| And they also have one called the Interstate, which looks like Airstream's on the same server as your... | ||
| That shit's huge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I mean, this shit's like a fucking house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I need to... | ||
| Maybe I should just buy one and sell my car. | ||
| There's a smaller one. | ||
| How much are these things? | ||
| There's a smaller one you could live in, dude. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's a van. | ||
| Basically, you'd be like... | ||
| You'd be the creepy van guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not bad, dude, because I'm only at home. | ||
| I just need to put my animals somewhere. | ||
| Maybe I could get one of those... | ||
| You don't want to live in a van. | ||
| Why not? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're having to give up on life. | |
| I'm never home. | ||
| I'm home just to sleep. | ||
| Well, you should get a secured apartment somewhere. | ||
| Some safe place where... | ||
| I just have too many animals for that shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You can't get apartments with a dog. | ||
| If anyone in LA wants a fucking cat, I got one for you. | ||
| It was one cat that I need to get away with. | ||
| The old one, right? | ||
| Yeah, the old one. | ||
| That's rude as fuck. | ||
| It just doesn't want to be around anybody. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You brought a dog and another cat involved. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It hates those two. | ||
| You mixed up the cat's life. | ||
| Well, the other two are a fucking, like, buddy cop movie. | ||
| And they're cool. | ||
| Yeah, they're cool together. | ||
| They love each other. | ||
| And this one's just like, I hate you guys. | ||
| Get away from me. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| Those old cats, they don't like new cats. | ||
| I just want to make it a helicopter and be done with it. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| I have one cat that's 15 and one cat that's two. | ||
| I love both of them, though. | ||
| You have good cats. | ||
| They're nice cats. | ||
| They're both cool. | ||
| But the two-year-old fucks with the 15-year-old relentlessly. | ||
| She's always... | ||
| You need to get a small dad for that cat. | ||
| A small dog will take care of it. | ||
| A small dog will buddy-buddy with the nice cat. | ||
| No. | ||
| By the way, don't ever bring your fucking dog over here because my whole family would go crazy for it. | ||
| All the girls. | ||
| Oh my god, it's so cute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| I'm going to bring it over next time. | ||
| I'm going to get a nice haircut, get some bows, bring it over. | ||
| Yeah, if you did, it would be gone. | ||
| If you wanted to get rid of it, for sure. | ||
| It really would be gone. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| I could probably take it if you really want. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The girls would go nuts because your dog is so friendly and she's so small. | ||
| My daughters will go crazy. | ||
| How old is your dog? | ||
| A year and a half. | ||
| But it's got herpes from your ex-girlfriend, right? | ||
| No! | ||
| No, I sucked all of the herpes right out of that dog. | ||
| Cleaned a bullet out of that. | ||
| The show has deteriorated drastically ever since we came back. | ||
| Sorry about the shit going down earlier, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| We're really going to have to fix our issues here. | ||
| But Death Squad West should be up and cracking. | ||
| I'm trying to get it done. | ||
| We're in June. | ||
| I want to get it done before July. | ||
| We're trying to figure out whether or not we're going to do a big Vegas show at the Mandalay Bay in July. | ||
| If we do do it, it will be full Death Squad, Ari and Joey, hopefully. | ||
| And Brian will come down, too. | ||
| And maybe even Doug Benson. | ||
| I think Doug's playing poker down then. | ||
| Because he just asked for tickets the other day. | ||
| Oh, I'm supposed to come down... | ||
| I'm doing Doug's podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In Vegas. | |
| I think that's the same weekend. | ||
| Let's do that and let's stay for an extra day to do Doug's shit. | ||
| Alright, we might do that. | ||
| I can't stay an extra day. | ||
| But we'll get things cracking. | ||
| Alright, let's get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Let's wrap this bitch up. | ||
| So tomorrow night, the Ice House Comedy Club, the second stage, which is only 85 seats. | ||
| If you've never been there for those shows, it's the most intimate. | ||
| And I got some new shit I'm trying to work out on. | ||
| And I'm going to do some question and answer, too, just in... | ||
| An effort to try to come up with some new shit. | ||
| This is the period of time for me where it's the most nerve-wracking and chaotic because I'm just fucking around and writing a lot. | ||
| But it's really fun. | ||
| And one of the funnest things about it is doing these Ice House shows because the crowds are so cool. | ||
| It's the perfect environment to fuck around and practice and try to stretch out. | ||
| Come up with new stuff. | ||
| And everybody's really enjoying them. | ||
| We're going to do them on a regular basis, folks. | ||
| Most likely Wednesday of every week. | ||
| And a lot of them are Friday. | ||
| I'm not going to be at all the Friday ones, but I'm going to be at most of the Wednesday ones. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| We're rolling, bitches. | ||
| We got more coming. | ||
| Tomorrow, we're off, because you've got something going on. | ||
| I'm going to E3, but then we have the Ice House Chronicles tomorrow night. | ||
| The podcast will start at 8. The show's at 8.30, icehousecomedy.com. | ||
| Thursday is not John Anthony West. | ||
| John Anthony West has been moved to Friday. | ||
| Thursday is now Uriah Faber. | ||
| So Thursday... | ||
| Uriah has a really short schedule and he's in town and he's going to do it live. | ||
| John Anthony West is going to do it through Skype. | ||
| It's going to be our first Skype podcast. | ||
| Video and audio. | ||
| So he's going to show us pictures and tell us things. | ||
| So it'll be a little weird for the folks that are just listening, but we'll explain it as best we can. | ||
| And if you don't know who John Anthony West is, he's one of my personal heroes. | ||
| He's an Egyptologist, a fascinating, brilliant guy who is the producer of a video series called Magical Egypt, which is one of the most comprehensive video series on ancient Egypt and especially like the hidden symbolism involved in hieroglyphs which is one of the most comprehensive video series on ancient Egypt and especially like the hidden symbolism involved in hieroglyphs and the construction I mean, really amazing, amazing stuff. | ||
| I can't stress enough. | ||
| How pumped I am to talk to this guy because he's just an incredible source of information when it comes to Egypt. | ||
| The guy's been involved in studying it his entire life and he's got just some brilliant work out there. | ||
| Can't wait to talk to that dude. | ||
| So that's Uriah Faber on Thursday. | ||
| John Anthony West is going to be on Friday and I think we got someone on Saturday, dude. | ||
| Saturday? | ||
| Yeah, I think something's going on on Saturday. | ||
| May or may not be happening on Saturday. | ||
| Like, someone who couldn't do it any other day. | ||
| I'll let you know as soon as we get out of this podcast. | ||
| I'm not sure what the fuck I'm talking about here. | ||
| I don't even know what I'm saying. | ||
| That Sledgeline stuff. | ||
| I'm not sure about this. | ||
| Might be ruining me. | ||
| Sledgeline and Alpha Brain together are battling for dominance. | ||
| Thank you everybody for tuning in to the podcast. | ||
| Thanks to everybody who came to Edmonton this past weekend. | ||
| Ari and I had a great fucking time. | ||
| Like I said before, I appreciate the fuck out of it and there's not a moment where I'm taking any of this for granted. | ||
| We're going to keep this bitch rolling. | ||
| Thanks to The Fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast. | ||
| Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, and save yourself 15% off the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| Thank you also to Onnit.com, makers of Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, and New Mood. | ||
| We will have kettlebells and protein powder made out of hemp and raw cocoa and maca coming soon. | ||
| Got a lot of good stuff on the horizon. | ||
| And that's all for today, you dirty bitches. | ||
| So we'll see you on Thursday with Uriah Faber, and then Friday will be John Anthony West. | ||
| Today, if you're wondering if you're somewhere in the future, and you have just stumbled upon this podcast, it is June 5th, 2012. Would have been better if I said 2000 without slurring. | ||
| 2012. Alright. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Buy a Death Squad shirt. | ||
| Go buy a Death Squad shirt. | ||
| Go to DeathSquad.tv. | ||
| And we got a Mike Maxwell Death Squad shirt. | ||
| A new one that's coming out. | ||
| It's fucking dope. | ||
| It's a chimp with a gas mask on it. | ||
| It says Death Squad Department of Health and Welfare. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Love it. | |
| Excellent. | ||
| We're also going to have those t-shirts that Maxwell made, or excuse me, those posters that Maxwell made for Chicago and Atlanta. | ||
| We're going to turn those into t-shirts because so many people have been requesting them. | ||
| And they're really cool posters, and it's available on MikeMaxwellArt.com. | ||
| Mike will also be there tomorrow night. | ||
| He's coming down to the Ice House. | ||
| So that's it, you freaks. | ||
| We love you. | ||
| We're all in this together. | ||
| All of us. | ||
| As unlikely as it seems, although it makes no sense, we are all part of something much greater than ourselves. |
Export Selection