Jan. 25, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:39:33
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
It's just started. | |
| Did you start already? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How dare you, man? | ||
| I'm tweeting it. | ||
| Hold on, sorry. | ||
| People are going to have to hear me tweet. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here we go again on the Twitter. | |
| HTTP. Tap any numbers on the keyboard. | ||
| Duncan, go for it, baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Say it. | |
| Come on, Duncan, sing along. | ||
| I don't know that song. | ||
| The Twitter... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, I forgot my phone at home. | |
| The Twitter... | ||
| You forgot your phone at home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I feel so fucking naked right now. | |
| Oh, dude, you should never do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's awful. | |
| At least I just tracked it online, so I'm keeping an eye on it. | ||
| So it's kind of like looking at photos of my family. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It feels good that I know it's still alive. | |
| I see it on Google Maps and it's doing a little false. | ||
| I'm like, my phone's still alive. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Somebody just tweeted, what are the odds that Joe Rogan and Duncan Trussell got so high and are now having an amazing conversation without the podcast running? | ||
| It's true. | ||
| I'm going to tweet that with 100%. | ||
| Let's just plow through this commercial real quick so we can get started. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by, I said Podcat, didn't I? Podcats. | ||
| Podcast is brought to you by the Fleshlights. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for the Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN. You will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| Duncan, you're going to enjoy. | ||
| I've got a new one for you. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I'll give it to you later. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Some girl's butthole or something. | ||
| Is it the Iron Lady's butthole? | ||
| It looks good. | ||
| Whoever, it looks like a great little butthole. | ||
| You're going to love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How do you know it's a girl's butthole? | ||
| Well, they say they model them after the girl's butthole. | ||
| It looks like a butthole. | ||
| Yeah, they do the vagina, they do the butthole. | ||
| They actually make a mold of their pussy. | ||
| That's why a lot of these freaks, like these porn star chicks, they have their own fleshlights. | ||
| And it's like molded after their own box. | ||
| So there's a professional pussy mold or something. | ||
| Yeah, it looks on the outside like exactly what their box looks like. | ||
| That's the weirdest joke. | ||
| I'm 18 back in Boston. | ||
| I want to get inside a box. | ||
| That's what dudes used to say a lot. | ||
| That always seemed like the worst description of a vagina. | ||
| It's the least geometric shape on the planet. | ||
| Yeah, her box. | ||
| The last thing you want to fuck is a box. | ||
| Yeah, what is that? | ||
| When did you get inside her? | ||
| Boston was a mess anyway. | ||
| Did they do that when you were young? | ||
| Was that box? | ||
| No, but I can remember getting sex. | ||
| My mom was a psychologist, so she gave me a sex book when I was trying to learn about sex, and it was lists of the slang for pussy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I remember getting to box. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And it was like wrecking my already vague understanding of what a pussy was. | ||
| Because it's like, how is it anything like a box? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Isn't it more like a bag than a box? | ||
| It's not like a tube either, but that's what the fleshlight is. | ||
| It's a tube. | ||
| Well, I want to do a fucking puppet show with fleshlights. | ||
| That's why I was thinking of taking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a hand puppet show? | |
| Yeah, because you can make mouth... | ||
| I was thinking about taking the mini fleshlights you've given me and doing some kind of like... | ||
| Shakespeare performance or something. | ||
| How many do you have? | ||
| Well, there's only two now. | ||
| There's only two now? | ||
| Well, no, one of them. | ||
| This is a gross story. | ||
| I'm not going to tell it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| This is a disgusting story. | ||
| I didn't clean one out and I left it sitting on top of the shower. | ||
| This is a gross story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How bad did it smell? | |
| The smell is what I imagine the Zerg hives in Starcraft smell like. | ||
| It's like this alien... | ||
| It's like the smell of... | ||
| You know when aliens, when they go down into that fucking... | ||
| In the very beginning, when they go into the pit where there's all the pods and the thing pops out and lands on the guy's face? | ||
| It's in the very beginning of the movie Alien. | ||
| It's like the coolest scene. | ||
| That's what an old fleshlight smells like when you open it. | ||
| It's this kind of alien, pungent, primordial smell. | ||
| But I opened it up, and man, it was just like black. | ||
| The darkest black ooze just kind of dripped out of it. | ||
| And so I threw that one away, of course. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| Was it from the blood? | ||
| You would have to, like, seriously disinfect that with so many chemicals. | ||
| Holy water. | ||
| You would have to worry about those chemicals eventually burning the skin off your dick. | ||
| Well, yeah, and some unknown disease, leprosy, a flesh-rotting disease on your penis. | ||
| Imagine if that's where it gets born, in the bottom of a fleshlight from some sick fuck that never bothered to clean it, and he tried to fuck it twice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the apocalypse! | |
| Could you imagine? | ||
| That's the end of the world. | ||
| The one, the one fleshlight that'll be told about on fucking big stone tablets 10,000 years from now. | ||
| We've traced it back to a fleshlight! | ||
| Oh, and there's only a few people survived. | ||
| Only like from one particular area of Ethiopia were able to handle it. | ||
| Well, what a fucking... | ||
| Everybody else dead. | ||
| I mean, a fleshlight is truly a breeding ground for bacteria if you consider... | ||
| Especially if you keep it in like the balmy atmosphere of your shower. | ||
| Because you're combining fucking... | ||
| You're combining so many bad elements in that thing. | ||
| And heat, mixing with heat. | ||
| Moisture, and who knows what's in the water supply. | ||
| DNA. You have life precursors in there. | ||
| It could sprout a new life. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| A new life form. | ||
| Why not, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, we poo-poo that, but could you imagine if it was that easy? | ||
| Can you imagine if your loads on their own could make people... | ||
| They just grow like mushrooms or something? | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| I mean, we know that you have to interact with a woman and make eggs, you know, crack eggs and make babies that way. | ||
| But imagine if that wasn't the case. | ||
| Imagine if every time you came, it made people. | ||
| Imagine if people came out of your dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And there's just people everywhere. | |
| Everywhere! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're like getting stepped on. | |
| The little ones never get to be adults. | ||
| I mean, we take it for granted that the process is male and female. | ||
| And that that's the only way to create life. | ||
| I mean, life is crazy enough as it is to think that it could have been in some bizarre... | ||
| Gonzo parallel universe that it's possible to just create life with your dick and every time you come, boom, people. | ||
| A person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom, boom, people. | |
| That would be a very overpopulated universe just for me alone. | ||
| Could you fucking imagine people screaming at you because you're beating off? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fuckhead! | |
| What are you doing? | ||
| People piling on top of people everywhere and then you catch someone beating off. | ||
| Will you fucking stop it? | ||
| They're just making people. | ||
| That's what people would do. | ||
| We wouldn't make so many people. | ||
| If that was the case, there would be so many people that the world would cave in. | ||
| There would be no more room. | ||
| It couldn't work. | ||
| People would just eat the people in front of them. | ||
| We'd run out of resources. | ||
| Yeah, we'd be just eating each other. | ||
| Eating the people in front of us. | ||
| Eating and jerking off and making more. | ||
| At what point can overpopulation exist? | ||
| I mean, if there's no structure, right? | ||
| If you took all the people in New York City with no structures, no buildings, and just piled them on top of each other. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How much room is there? | ||
| How much room is there? | ||
| At what point in time? | ||
| Could you fucking imagine? | ||
| You're asking how many people would it take to cover the planet in just a complete mat of people? | ||
| If just every time someone came, a person was born. | ||
| How long before the planet just looked like an octopus swarming with freaks... | ||
| No one would stop. | ||
| We wouldn't stop. | ||
| We would not stop jerking off. | ||
| We would have entire continents covered. | ||
| And you'd come up with a good reason why you're jerking off. | ||
| You'd rationalize. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| I gotta do what I gotta do with my man. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| That's a new baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The government would get involved though and make you so you can't cum. | |
| They would start neutering you at birth. | ||
| Who would be the government? | ||
| There'd be swarms of people. | ||
| It would be unmanageable. | ||
| There'd be no government. | ||
| No buildings. | ||
| Forget about it. | ||
| We would have never even built buildings if it was possible. | ||
| We would have never figured out anything. | ||
| If that was how you could come and make a person... | ||
| It'd be like grass. | ||
| It'd be like grass. | ||
| Yeah, it would be everywhere. | ||
| Kudzu. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| Anyway, go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for the flashlight, enter the code name Rogan, and you get 15% off. | ||
| Number one sex toy for men. | ||
| Best commercial ever. | ||
| That was the best one we ever did. | ||
| People complain about those. | ||
| I'm like, come on, man. | ||
| I forgot. | ||
| We're freeballing. | ||
| We're just having fun. | ||
| Let us just do this little business thing. | ||
| We're also brought to you by... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, wait, wait. | |
| And if you don't want to buy a flashlight, don't buy it. | ||
| Just make your own. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How can you do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easily. | |
| Melons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Melons, fruits. | |
| But they're not going to be as good as the flashlight. | ||
| If you're looking to masturbate, it's a fucking solid tool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's probably some shit you can do with Jell-O and Gumby. | |
| It won't be as good as the fleshlight. | ||
| They got it down. | ||
| Whatever that polymer is that they use to make the vagina, it's fucking outstanding. | ||
| They spent a long time researching that. | ||
| Two thumbs up. | ||
| Yeah, they did. | ||
| They have a great product. | ||
| People are embarrassed about the fact they like to masturbate. | ||
| How many uncomfortable fleshlights did that guy fuck before he came upon that one? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Could you imagine that poor weirdo? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This one's made out of rock. | |
| Nah. | ||
| Who had to test them? | ||
| Did they test them with fingers first? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| You don't want to be crazy and just shove your dick right into this new retro model. | ||
| You don't want to do that. | ||
| They must have tested them out. | ||
| They used animals. | ||
| They used animals? | ||
| They let animals fuck them? | ||
| No, they didn't. | ||
| You're just making shit up, man. | ||
| Ultimately, the dude had to fuck a lot of different substances in order to create that perfect vagina. | ||
| I mean, how do you describe that? | ||
| If you're trying to make it and you're bringing it to a factory, this is what I'm looking for. | ||
| Something like a fuck. | ||
| I'd like to see the moment when he found it. | ||
| This is it! | ||
| Yeah, it came like five times that last line. | ||
| Well... | ||
| Yeah, what a weird thing to invent. | ||
| But he did an awesome job. | ||
| However the process was of making light of it. | ||
| He needs to write about how it came about. | ||
| That's an interesting thing to know. | ||
| Well, I think the dude who invented it, his wife was pregnant when he invented it, and he couldn't have sex. | ||
| So they figured out he was a resourceful fella. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what you need, man. | ||
| If you want to invent something good, you've got to be pushed. | ||
| You've got to be pushed. | ||
| Pushed in a corner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you go for the box. | ||
| Stick your right in the box. | ||
| Worst description. | ||
| That description started with a guy who had his wife had a deformed pussy. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, makers of AlphaBrain, the cognitive enhancing supplement, Shroom Tech Immune. | ||
| So you use the Shroom Tech Immune? | ||
| You're saying it's pretty bad? | ||
| I seem like I'm a fucking shill because I'm agreeing to everything here, but I've used these things. | ||
| The shroom tech, yeah, when I'm starting to get sick, I eat it and I get better. | ||
| I'm sorry, the stuff really works. | ||
| It's great for just to keep your immune system strong, apparently. | ||
| The way it works is there's something in it that makes your body think that it's like a disease, like a bug. | ||
| Like an ant. | ||
| Yeah, whatever. | ||
| There's an intruder. | ||
| So your immune system fires up for a fight that never takes place. | ||
| It's a pretty fucking sporty thing if it works like that. | ||
| There's also Alpha Brain Shroom Tech Sport, which is the Cordyceps Mushroom Sports Endurance Supplement. | ||
| And this is only for people who are really into working out. | ||
| If you're not into working out, don't fuck with it. | ||
| Brian doesn't fuck with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah, I don't need it. | |
| My Fitbit? | ||
| Your little thing that you wear? | ||
| Tell me what it is for people who don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| It's this little thing you snap onto you and it counts your steps. | ||
| Every time you go up and down stairs, it measures out what that would be in distance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It just pretty much tracks everything you do physically. | |
| Then at night you wear it and it tells you how long you sleep, how many times you wake up in the middle of the night. | ||
| Then it graphs it on this nice page on their website and then you start having a Facebook page of what your Fitbit is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's really weird. | |
| It's like Twitter weird. | ||
| We have these stats. | ||
| Right now, my only friend is Bert Kreischer. | ||
| I look at his and he kicks ass. | ||
| My shit's barely registering on the graph and my battery life is seven times longer than Bert's. | ||
| That's like a new way to stalk people. | ||
| You can stalk them deep if you can be their exercise buddy. | ||
| You get a constant readout I bet the readout is being sent to the government also. | ||
| That's going to be the thing, man. | ||
| You're going to have to put your information out there so people know what your heart rate is at every moment. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They have this thing that tweets your weight. | ||
| They have a scale that tweets your weight. | ||
| And that's supposed to keep you motivated to lose weight. | ||
| Well, eventually it's going to be more than that. | ||
| If you have something on, it tweets it every time you get on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you can't even stop it. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's pretty brutal. | |
| It's brutal. | ||
| That's pretty brutal. | ||
| People know when you're gaining weight and you start getting... | ||
| That's brutal, man. | ||
| But like we were saying, like about the invention of the fleshlight, if you want real change to happen, change comes from fucking suffering. | ||
| Change comes from being in a place that you don't want to be in. | ||
| I mean, you could do it other ways, but generally it comes from getting backed into a corner. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta straighten up. | ||
| You gotta get your shit together. | ||
| You gotta fight back. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And that's why people get enthusiastic about things and start companies and get crazy. | ||
| I mean, it's always like a big burst of enthusiasm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I could never murder somebody while wearing a Fitbit, I just realized. | |
| Why? | ||
| Because they would know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They would be able to see it. | |
| Yeah, because it shows you when you're extremely working out and it has like red graphs and stuff. | ||
| Stop thinking about murdering people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or I could put it on somebody that, you know... | |
| Isn't, like, sleeping. | ||
| Like, I could put on my mom and then go out in the middle of the night and murder people and come back and take off my mom. | ||
| They're not going to accept your Fitbit in the court. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They could use that as evidence, I would imagine. | |
| Well, they could also use it as evidence that your resting heart rate went from 70 to, you know, 82 or whatever. | ||
| Weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did a review on DeathSquad.tv, Fitbit. | |
| You're really into it, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can see what it's like when I started using Twitter for the first time. | |
| There's something there. | ||
| There's some kind of weird... | ||
| This is the next step, right? | ||
| This is the next piece of connectivity. | ||
| This is turning your body into an Xbox when it comes to fitness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fitbit's fucking badass, man. | |
| Wow, that's a great idea. | ||
| Wow, that's kind of interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And of course, you're going to be like, have the most friends of Fitbit world because you're going to be working out so extreme. | ||
| And everyone, that would be like, you're not like, instead of Dane Cook having five million friends on Twitter, that you would have the most extreme, you have the most like red graph, like you worked out the hardest. | ||
| Or a lot of dudes beating off to my account. | ||
| Could be that too. | ||
| And the person that sleeps the best would be some kind of weird wizard of Fitbit role. | ||
| We should have talked about this on the podcast. | ||
| Let's just get this fucking commercial over with. | ||
| Just go to onnit.com. | ||
| I'm tired of talking about this stuff. | ||
| Here's how I feel about it. | ||
| We can't make this any nicer. | ||
| And by the way, we had to change a rule because some people are cunts. | ||
| We used to say that if you buy something and you don't like it, you could send it back. | ||
| Or you don't even have to send it back. | ||
| We'll give you 100% money back Guarantee. | ||
| But people were buying like 10 bottles and then they would take like three of them and go, yeah, I'm not really into this. | ||
| And so then they would sell the rest on eBay. | ||
| So they would get their refund and then they would sell it on eBay. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| People are such twats. | ||
| That was a good idea. | ||
| No, it was a good idea. | ||
| They took advantage of our hospitality. | ||
| So now it's only the first 30 pills. | ||
| And you should be able to figure out within 30 pills. | ||
| I mean, you know, a lot of people say, how much can you tell the difference between when you're eating multivitamins and when you're not eating multivitamins? | ||
| I can tell. | ||
| I can tell. | ||
| There's this subtle thing. | ||
| But I'm really in tune with my shit. | ||
| I eat healthy. | ||
| I work out a lot. | ||
| I take supplements. | ||
| I know what gets me and what doesn't. | ||
| But there's some people, man, that don't know. | ||
| You can give them things and they're not sure. | ||
| Is this my multivitamin working? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is it working? | ||
| They're not in tune with their body so much. | ||
| If you're not really athletic, if you don't push your body to extremes and you don't eat healthy and clean, I think a lot of people, there's a missing amount of communication. | ||
| There's not an intimacy with your body. | ||
| I think when you're feeling bad, you kind of get good at numbing it out or ignoring it. | ||
| They've shut down their ability to feel bad. | ||
| To really honestly appraise their health. | ||
| If you're out of shape and you're fucking smoking all the time and you're drinking all the time, I speak from experience. | ||
| If you get into a jag of living like that, after a certain amount of time, you just start tuning out the weird pains in your body. | ||
| You just start ignoring it because it's just the truth. | ||
| And the truth is you can't constantly fucking eat like shit and smoke and drink. | ||
| And that end up with you at the other end of that feeling great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so important to take a variety of different things that are good for your health, in my opinion. | ||
| You should really eat a lot of healthy vegetables. | ||
| That's one of the most important things. | ||
| One of the strongest things I've ever done is increase the amount of green, beefy vegetables in my diet and drink kale shakes and shit like that. | ||
| Take multivitamins, please. | ||
| It's not hard. | ||
| It's fucking easy, and it'll make you healthier. | ||
| It will make you feel better. | ||
| Eat good food, you know, and look into nootropics. | ||
| If you're not into any of the shit that we have at Onnit.com, there's plenty of other people that have cool shit available. | ||
| So we try to make it as easy and as clean as possible. | ||
| I'm way more concerned, and I say this every fucking time, because it's true. | ||
| I'm way more concerned with not ripping people off than I am with making money. | ||
| So, that's the end of that fucking horse shit. | ||
| Press the button. | ||
| Let's start the show! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Duncan Trussell's here! | |
| Hey everybody! | ||
| I cut way back on my coffee consumption, but I have found that coffee and the show go well together. but I have found that coffee and the show go I think they're important. | ||
| And I'll just keep spitting information out. | ||
| What are you doing with that echo, man? | ||
| You're killing me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It won't go away. | |
| I'm waiting for it. | ||
| It won't go away, period. | ||
| That's what it's like to be crazy, man. | ||
| That's how it feels like when you're tripping, like you smoke too much weed and you start having a panic attack. | ||
| Is that still going on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's almost gone. | |
| Okay, it's almost gone. | ||
| Why is it on such a delay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just a weird, stupid special effect that I do. | |
| Do you always do the same one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It doesn't usually go that long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I usually mix it up. | |
| Does this make you feel better when you do these things? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it's just a cool intro, you know? | |
| Might as well start off with a weird, creepy noise. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Duncan, trust us here. | ||
| We don't have to get any weirder or creepier. | ||
| I'm not creepy! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, everybody, guys! | |
| Not creepy in a bad way, brother. | ||
| Creepy in the best possible way. | ||
| You know I love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We all love you. | |
| I love you guys. | ||
| We're doing the Chicago Theater this Friday night. | ||
| Fucking super fired up. | ||
| Duncan and me and Joey Coco motherfucking Diaz in the flesh. | ||
| If you have never had a chance to see Joey Diaz live, you're going to shit yourself. | ||
| That guy, dude, he hits moments. | ||
| He hits moments on stage where it's just ridiculous shit that he says. | ||
| It just makes you repeat what he said over and over and over again. | ||
| He's one of those dudes, when Joey really rocks it on stage, he'll say something so fucking completely preposterous and so out of control that you'll just be repeating it. | ||
| You'll be like, he's fucking what?! | ||
| You'll just repeat what he said over and over again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because you had to re-register in your head almost. | |
| Did I really just hear that? | ||
| He's fucking that transvestite joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| One of the greatest jokes anybody's ever told on stage. | ||
| He goes, I like transvestites. | ||
| They cook. | ||
| They clean. | ||
| You can beat on them every once in a while. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The cops come. | |
| Who are they going to believe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me or some dude with a wig and a black eye. | |
| There's no support groups for these people. | ||
| The cops come, who are they going to believe? | ||
| Me, a soot boot, a wig, and a black eye? | ||
| That's just poetry, man. | ||
| To me, that's poetry. | ||
| The amount of words used, the structure of it. | ||
| He's a fucking animal, dude. | ||
| Joey Diaz is an animal. | ||
| He's so funny, man. | ||
| We had him on the podcast the other day, dude. | ||
| He can talk about anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Toothpicks. | |
| I know a fucking dude who made toothpicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to tell you about this guy. | |
| There's a fucking crazy story about a toothpick factory and this chick was sucking everybody's dick. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| So Papa had to get his. | ||
| Toothpick factory story will become some fucking epic drama. | ||
| He's the greatest human being that's ever lived. | ||
| He's the greatest human being that's ever lived. | ||
| I fucking love that guy. | ||
| That's one of the most awesome things about living here is that all you guys are here. | ||
| It's one of the things that kind of keeps me in this area right now because all you guys are here. | ||
| It's like we have a lot of cool friends. | ||
| We have a very unusual situation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We need to all move at the same exact time. | |
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| We need to get together like an Occupy Wall Street thing and be like, alright, we're all moving here at the same time. | ||
| We gotta be prepared for civil unrest because the government is, okay? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we gotta start thinking, if the shit went down, we need a goddamn ranch somewhere. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know, a ranch somewhere with like a bunch of houses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A castle and a moat, Joe. | |
| All live in this nice little farming ranch community until the dust settles. | ||
| Yeah, you can do that, man. | ||
| That's attainable. | ||
| It's good to have a place like that to go to, man. | ||
| I've got a place like that to go to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| Is it in North Carolina? | ||
| In Nashville, North Carolina? | ||
| It's in Georgia. | ||
| I will not reveal the precise location. | ||
| Is it near the Georgia Guidestones? | ||
| Oh, I wish it was. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| It's not near the Georgia Guidestones. | ||
| I don't know where those are actually, but I'm pretty sure it's not. | ||
| I don't know where those are either. | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How are you going to do that? | |
| Go ahead, Duncan. | ||
| I think it's a smart thing to have. | ||
| In any fucking house, if you're in a hotel or wherever, it's good to know where to go if there's going to be a fire. | ||
| It's the same thing with civilization. | ||
| It doesn't make you crazy. | ||
| It just makes you a normal thinking person. | ||
| Elbert County. | ||
| Oh, Elbert County is where them Godstones are. | ||
| Elbert County. | ||
| The Georgia Godstones, a large granite monument in Elbert County, Georgia. | ||
| Yeah, a message that contains ten guides is inscribed on the structure in eight modern languages, and a shorter message is inscribed at the top of the structure in four ancient language scripts. | ||
| Babylonian, Classical Greek, Sanskrit, and Egyptian hieroglyphs. | ||
| It's pretty intense shit, man. | ||
| I mean, this is someone saying, you know, look, if humanity completely falls apart, here's a message. | ||
| Get to this stuff. | ||
| This is crucial information. | ||
| Somebody should have told him that there's not a lot of people in southern Georgia that speak classical Greek. | ||
| This is what it says on it. | ||
| It's really very interesting because it's very wise words. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| Maintain humanity under 500 million in perpetual balance with nature. | ||
| 500 million on the whole planet. | ||
| Good idea. | ||
| Guide reproduction wisely, improving fitness and diversity. | ||
| Eugenics. | ||
| That sounds a little eugenics-y. | ||
| But... | ||
| Rational, as well, right? | ||
| I mean, you know, utopian, of course. | ||
| Utopian, but rational. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Unite humanity with a living new language. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| We all had one language that would make everything a lot fucking easier. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Rule passion, faith, tradition, and all things with tempered reason. | ||
| Sound words, right? | ||
| Sound words? | ||
| Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Let all nations rule internally, resolving external disputes in a world court. | ||
| I don't hear any New World Order shit yet, right? | ||
| Avoid petty lawlessness. | ||
| A bit subjective. | ||
| Well, I mean, a lot of this stuff is subjective. | ||
| This is pretty subjective, though, right? | ||
| Petty laws and useless officials. | ||
| Also, just saying resolve your problems in a world court. | ||
| How do you do that? | ||
| That seems like a weird one. | ||
| The petty laws and useless officials seems silly. | ||
| That seems like it should be, you know, maybe... | ||
| Here's a good one. | ||
| Balanced personal rights with social duties. | ||
| Agreed. | ||
| That's smart, right? | ||
| Strong community shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Prize truth, beauty, love, seeking harmony with the infinite. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Now you're getting a little crystal-y on me. | ||
| It sounds almost like Dr. Bronner's soap. | ||
| It's like that shit on Dr. Bronner's soap. | ||
| Okay, hear me. | ||
| Now I don't like it at all. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| Be not a cancer on the earth. | ||
| Leave room for nature. | ||
| Leave room for nature. | ||
| Now I don't like it, because that's a stupid thing to say. | ||
| First of all, be not a cancer on the earth? | ||
| What are you, Shakespeare, bitch? | ||
| Just say, don't be a cancer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't be cancer. | ||
| Be not a cancer. | ||
| Silly. | ||
| I guess if you're not going to use contractions, maybe you think contractions would throw people off? | ||
| I think, here's the thing that I think is really funny about these stones. | ||
| What? | ||
| I just watched Cave of Forgotten Dreams, which is pretty awesome. | ||
| I didn't get into it, man. | ||
| I shut it off halfway and I got bored. | ||
| I got into it because I was just thinking about how crazy it was that rhinos were in France at one point and kind of like, who the fuck were these people? | ||
| It was a little dry. | ||
| If you carve something in stone and you put it deep enough in the stone and on a big enough stone, it's guaranteed that if people are still around in hundreds of thousands of years, they're going to think that that really meant something. | ||
| They're going to think it was very important just because you carved it in stone. | ||
| So it could be anything. | ||
| You could put anything on a cave wall and people will come in and look at it and be like, wow. | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| They worshipped a penis with a happy face on it. | ||
| And it's just a guy who, like, painted something on. | ||
| The Georgia Guidestones, it's just some guy who went and carved some shit in stone. | ||
| Well, a lot of it makes sense. | ||
| I mean, just be not a cancer on the earth. | ||
| Leave room for nature. | ||
| Leave room for nature. | ||
| That is a... | ||
| I mean, we're goofing on it, but that is, like, a good thought. | ||
| I think they're great. | ||
| All of it seems like okay. | ||
| It's just I don't think that there's anything... | ||
| Well, it's like Twitter messages. | ||
| You can't get too profound. | ||
| Well, you're carving in stone. | ||
| Yeah, you're carving in a fucking limited amount of space. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What would you tell people? | ||
| If you had Georgia Guidestones of your own, if you could leave behind some monument to future monkey people that figure this out again. | ||
| You know what somebody quoted? | ||
| It was a fascinating quote. | ||
| That civilization, if you look at it as made by the brightest minds, is disappointing. | ||
| It's disappointing where we are. | ||
| But if you look at it as something that's been thrown together by monkeys, it's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| We're doing so good right now. | ||
| If you think about how good we're doing, we're doing great. | ||
| But isn't that an interesting thing? | ||
| You know, that people know that human beings are capable... | ||
| Of so much better behavior, so much more of a safe, sane, rational, loving world. | ||
| We're capable of that. | ||
| We're all capable of that as individuals. | ||
| We're all capable of being loving and nice and friendly. | ||
| And if we're all capable of it... | ||
| That in groups we spread out and then somehow or another it gets lost along the way. | ||
| Where does it get lost along the way? | ||
| When they're fighting over resources? | ||
| When they're fighting over crazy ideas? | ||
| It's the ideas. | ||
| Mostly the problem is the ideas. | ||
| It's the resources thing. | ||
| Resources you can work out if you don't have crazy ideas. | ||
| Resources you can work out. | ||
| It's the fucking crazy ideas. | ||
| I just saw that guy, the physicist. | ||
| I can never pronounce his name. | ||
| He's a genius. | ||
| Micho Kaku? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He was talking about the different types of civilization. | ||
| Type 0 civilization, Type 1 civilization, Type 2 civilization. | ||
| I think someone just put it on my Facebook wall. | ||
| But basically the concept behind it is that right now we're moving from a Type 0 civilization to a Type 1 civilization, which is we're going into a place where... | ||
| We're going to recognize that we're all, you know, we're planetary. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| We're a planetary civilization instead of broken up in all these weird divergent pieces where we all speak different languages and we have these different beliefs. | ||
| We're moving into something where we're all connected via the internet. | ||
| But he said this is the most dangerous time possible because we're moving from Type 0 to Type 1, and the Type 0 people, the ones with the crazy ideas, they have nuclear weapons. | ||
| And so we're in a place where if we don't work this shit out, we can destroy ourselves. | ||
| But if we can get past these crazy ideas that differentiate us, that split us up, the shit where people say, like, you know how those Marines just pissed on the Taliban that they'd shot? | ||
| And everybody got upset about that? | ||
| Everybody got upset about what? | ||
| They got upset that they were pissing on them. | ||
| They didn't get upset that they killed. | ||
| They're like, how could you urinate on bodies? | ||
| It's like, you just blew fucking holes in the chest of these men. | ||
| That's horrifying. | ||
| That's awful. | ||
| We're still at a place right now where it's worse to piss on a dead body than to make a dead body. | ||
| Now when we get to a place where making a dead body has the same cultural resonance as pissing on one, where it makes national news because one person had the fucking insane idea of like shooting someone instead of working it out through language or talking it out, that's when we're going to be entering a new age, a new, if we can make it there, a new evolutionary period where we recognize that a solution to a problem is never It's never blasting people to smithereens. | ||
| And if it is, it's so fucking rare that it's the most rare thing. | ||
| It's only in the most rare situations. | ||
| So I think that... | ||
| I think that we're on the verge of getting to this place and I think the internet's helping. | ||
| I think every time you look at what happened with SOPA and PIPA and you see the power of this organizing force and logic seems to rule in the internet. | ||
| It's just logical. | ||
| The logical majority seems to be making things happen. | ||
| So if that happened on a planetary scale where instead of these fucking insane guys like the president of Syria Look at that freak. | ||
| Have you seen that fucking guy? | ||
| He's insane. | ||
| He's insane. | ||
| He's an insane dictator, you know? | ||
| If, like, these people... | ||
| What was the name? | ||
| Mubarak in... | ||
| What's his name in Egypt? | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Mubarak was the... | ||
| Yeah, these guys who think it's okay to be president for 40 years straight. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| These fucking assholes, once we start getting them out of the picture, and then move on to the fucking clerics and the priests who are teaching people that they're the only way to communicate with the universe and connect with God. | ||
| Once we get rid of those motherfuckers, this is a pretty awesome planet, man. | ||
| The resources thing, we can work it out. | ||
| We can work out the resources. | ||
| I think we could. | ||
| I couldn't, maybe, but someone... | ||
| You have an awesome, optimistic view of the world. | ||
| If we could just all communicate in the same native language so we could tell each other this, that's a big part of the problem. | ||
| A big part of the problem is if there was some sort of a civil unrest or some sort of a problem with another part of the country that was European, we would get all the information back immediately. | ||
| What's going on, exactly what's going down. | ||
| Can you imagine if the United States was in Ireland for some reason? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It would be ridiculous. | ||
| Also, this language, this new language, it wouldn't just be us talking the same language. | ||
| It's a technological, neurological interface that allows us to directly communicate emotion to each other. | ||
| Because it's like, imagine how many stupid arguments you've gotten in, like with your girlfriend or with your friends. | ||
| It just is about language, where underneath it, you're just feeling the exact, you're just like, I really want things to be okay. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So if you could just feel how that felt. | ||
| I mean, think about it. | ||
| We're forced to articulate our universe through the same fucking organ that we use to chew hamburgers. | ||
| That's our way of describing the entire, it's the tip of our feeding tubes is how we're forced to describe the infinite. | ||
| We're fucking limited. | ||
| It's like in My Left Foot when the guy could only paint with his foot. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have infinity out here, and all we have to access to describe this infinity and our perception of it and the way it feels to be a part of it is a language that we didn't come up with ourselves, a language that has been passed down and is a trade language. | ||
| So the words that we have, there might not be words that exist right now to describe certain facets of reality, and sometimes that will make them invisible. | ||
| But if you could undercut language and just have a I mean, imagine being the president of Syria and you, the guy who's killing protesters, jailing people and torturing them. | ||
| You take that guy and just for one second he gets a feeling of what it's like to be out in the street or to be in a country where you've had a president forever and you're being completely repressed. | ||
| If he could feel that feeling. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It would be hard for him to continue on. | ||
| It would be hard for him to live in delusion and to think that, oh, it's easy to be a tyrant, I deserve this, or these people are less than me. | ||
| Slavery never would have been able to happen. | ||
| Slavery was based on this ridiculous idea that somehow black people deserve to be enslaved. | ||
| You know, it's the same thing with eating meat. | ||
| We believe that In general, people, one way, not everyone, some meat eaters are like, yeah, I'll eat meat and I know that these animals have feelings and generally die a brutal life, but I think I deserve to eat meat and I think that's natural. | ||
| That's the best rationale for eating meat. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You acknowledge the suffering and pain you're causing and you do it because you think you deserve it. | ||
| But some people, they think fucking animals are like clockwork things. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like a little mechanistic like a wristwatch and they don't feel the same things that we feel. | ||
| And we'll never know that until we create a neurological interface with animals and the moment you realize, oh fuck man, these cows... | ||
| They feel love. | ||
| They feel love for each other. | ||
| And fear. | ||
| And they fucking mourn their kids. | ||
| Then when you sit down and eat a hamburger, it's going to be a much more intense experience. | ||
| Maybe it'll make it taste better. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But it's going to be... | ||
| This cow knew love! | ||
| Is that all true, what you said about cows? | ||
| That they miss their love? | ||
| I don't think we can know that, but I think that they're like... | ||
| Like when I was in India, the cows kind of wander the streets and they're not like... | ||
| You know, they're not abused in the same way that they are here. | ||
| I'm sure there are some, but they're like really sweet dogs. | ||
| They'll come up to you and rub their muzzle against you and you can scratch behind their ears and they're just very sweet. | ||
| I mean, I'm not saying cows are fucking dolphins. | ||
| Could you imagine if cows eventually evolve and just get a little bit smarter and learn how to speak English and then start coming into people's houses and see all the leather shit? | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| I mean, we just assume that cows are never going to evolve. | ||
| Because where they are right now is where they are. | ||
| We assume they're just going to fucking eat the grass and just be all stupid and not get anything done. | ||
| Just run around and make milk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then we're going to have to start allowing them on buses. | |
| Yeah, what if something happens? | ||
| Maybe it's radiation. | ||
| Maybe it's like... | ||
| Some fucking third world country where we were making Nikes and they did something to the water supply and it makes cows super smart. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| Dude, can you imagine that for a farmer? | ||
| Jesus Christ, you have leather everything. | ||
| You fuckheads. | ||
| You think it's cool to have leather everything? | ||
| We have, like, the skin of a murdered animal is, like, standard on cars. | ||
| That's our favorite shit. | ||
| We want to sit down in flesh, peeled flesh from a murdered animal is the preferred seating of choice. | ||
| That's how I like my seat covered. | ||
| I like a firm, nice back of murdered animal hide with minimal padding. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and isn't it odd, though, that even if I died, maybe I'm wrong about this, but if I put my will, I want my flesh cured and made into wallets for my friends. | ||
| I don't think I can legally do that. | ||
| I don't think you can do that. | ||
| No, I don't think you can do that either. | ||
| That's so superstitious and odd. | ||
| Well, it is, but you don't want to really open up that market. | ||
| Human flesh market? | ||
| The human flesh wallet market, man. | ||
| You don't even want to open that door. | ||
| Well, I do. | ||
| You don't want to have any of those out there. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because there's one dude and he's going to get through this miserable life in one piece, one way or another, until one day he's at the fucking flea market and he finds a human flesh wallet and that's it! | ||
| He's got to make human flesh everything. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Murder spree. | ||
| He's making human flesh underwear. | ||
| Yeah, not good. | ||
| You don't want to encourage that kind of shit. | ||
| You can't have that out there. | ||
| You can't have human flesh wallets out there. | ||
| People are just too unpredictably fine. | ||
| I won't do it. | ||
| I'll cancel my Kickstarter account. | ||
| That's going to be our real problem, man. | ||
| It's not just communicating. | ||
| It's figuring out how to develop people or redevelop them after they've been fucked up as children. | ||
| There's going to be something they figure out, some sort of a reset thing. | ||
| Well, again, if you can get an emotional read on a person, like how they're experiencing reality, then you can communicate with them much better. | ||
| Some people are fucked because they can't communicate. | ||
| If we were smart as a species, that's one of the big things that we would do. | ||
| We would set up places where people who had fucked their lives up Can go and not be a criminal and get some food and have some and help them and figure things out. | ||
| Like, listen, we can keep you from going to jail for the rest of your life. | ||
| Let's work this out. | ||
| Let's fucking figure you out a fucking career path here. | ||
| Help this dude. | ||
| Somebody help these people. | ||
| Everybody's like, hey, put yourself up by your own bootstraps, which I believe in for... | ||
| For most things. | ||
| For most things, that would be the advice. | ||
| But occasionally, there's some people that are a part of society, they're handed the shittiest fucking hand of cards ever in life. | ||
| And then they find themselves in and out of the judicial system as a young kid, and they find themselves in jail. | ||
| I mean, it's like, man, you don't think that that dude somehow or another didn't get a fair shake ever in his whole life? | ||
| And everybody just wants to just lock them up. | ||
| That's not the solution either. | ||
| The solution is how you fix them. | ||
| It's so weird, man. | ||
| It's like the vagina is an elevator door that opens up into this dimension. | ||
| And sometimes that elevator puts you out on a bad fucking floor, man. | ||
| That is one of the most brilliant things you've ever said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sometimes that elevator smells. | |
| You've got to remember that. | ||
| Somebody tweet that to Duncan. | ||
| I'll remember that. | ||
| That's a bit, dude. | ||
| I've been saying some version of that, but not like that. | ||
| But so the idea is you get smashed out and some of these people get fucked up. | ||
| They get blasted out into a bad apartment, surrounded by crackheads. | ||
| Assholes and babies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who tell them to steal. | |
| It's terrifying. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And this fucking... | ||
| What does this lead to? | ||
| This leads to what you're talking about. | ||
| These people who have... | ||
| I mean, imagine spending the first... | ||
| 12 years of your life before you went into a foster home with the most neurons. | ||
| A baby has more neurons in their brain than at any other time in their life. | ||
| So you're like a wax seal. | ||
| A baby's brain is like a wax seal and the fucking family is like the ring that they push into the fucking medieval times. | ||
| We get imprinted and we can't resist it by the vibrational frequencies that we're around when we're blasted into this dimension. | ||
| And you need help to get those things transformed. | ||
| Like, you can't just do it on your own. | ||
| The record's been pressed, man. | ||
| You need help to fucking overcome the weird patterns that come from living next to the lunatics that were your parents. | ||
| Not everyone had crazy parents, but many people had fucked up parents. | ||
| They were giving my mind... | ||
| Like, think of how young... | ||
| I mean, I think how young your parents were when they had you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Think about that. | ||
| Were they in their 20s, Joe? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My mother was 21 when she had me. | ||
| When was the last time you talked to a 21-year-old? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Last night, 4 a.m. | |
| Thanks. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| That's all I needed to know. | ||
| Brian lives in that world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You bastard. | |
| He lives in the world of... | ||
| He's the only 37-year-old man I know that abuses the word like. | ||
| I'm guilty of that. | ||
| This guy's like... | ||
| And I'm like, get out of here. | ||
| I'm guilty of that. | ||
| I do that. | ||
| You like it to death? | ||
| I do the likes, man. | ||
| I listen to these YouTube videos sometimes people make and I hear my like, like, like, like. | ||
| It makes me want to sew my lips shut. | ||
| Well, that's the cool thing about podcasts is you get to find out how annoying your personality really is. | ||
| Oh, you do. | ||
| All the annoying aspects of it get highlighted. | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| Stuck back in your face. | ||
| It's good to see. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I've read this. | ||
| There's an interesting essay that this guy has got the weirdest name. | ||
| His name is Zerzan. | ||
| He's like, I don't know the exact word for what he is, but he's like an anarchist primitivist. | ||
| He thinks everything started going bad when we started using symbols to represent reality instead of just being in reality. | ||
| The moment you start using symbols to represent reality, you're kind of boxing reality in and you're separating yourself. | ||
| You're creating this separation from you and the universe. | ||
| And so he was talking about the... | ||
| Growing use of the term like, how people use the word like instead of just saying what it is. | ||
| So you know it's like you're walking outside and you like come up to this thing and you're like, and he says what that is is this subconscious problem where people are not directly experiencing reality so everything's like something else. | ||
| Things aren't being, things are being like something else. | ||
| It's very curious. | ||
| It's pretty good. | ||
| If you look up Zerzan, it's a little fucking dense, but it's a pretty good essay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, have you ever hung out with guys that hate symbols? | |
| That hate cymbals. | ||
| Yeah, and drums. | ||
| Yeah, I hate cymbals too. | ||
| Not into either one of those instruments. | ||
| Well, you know, it's weird, you know, one of the things that I always thought was fascinating about ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs is that they had a completely different way of writing things. | ||
| So they must have had a completely different way of talking, a completely different way of, like, Of phrasing things. | ||
| When you look at how you could be a human being, obviously an intelligent human being, advanced, sophisticated culture, capable of producing amazing works of art, but that language is totally alien to us. | ||
| We look at it and we're like, what is this crazy chicken scratch and pictures of birds and shit? | ||
| These fucking people, this is what they used to describe the world, but somehow or another, to them, it worked. | ||
| They thought of things in a different way. | ||
| Their written language consisted of symbols. | ||
| Not like ours, but like images. | ||
| Really fascinating shit, man. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| Language is one of the most fascinating things to think about when you're tripping. | ||
| It's fun to contemplate where each word is coming from, like the transformation of the thought into the word and how instantaneous that happens. | ||
| So when you start contemplating, where is this language coming from? | ||
| I don't even think about this. | ||
| It just happens. | ||
| And for the longest time, people have always been aware that one of the big things that keeps people from really directly communicating with everybody is the language barrier. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I mean, that's why the myth of the Tower of Babel existed. | ||
| That was like a plan to give us all different languages so we could never fucking figure out how to communicate with each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Which is really fascinating because, I mean... | ||
| Really would make sense. | ||
| Like, if someone had that kind of power, if there were a warlock who could just go, I will give everyone a different language! | ||
| God! | ||
| You know, I mean, that would be a good move. | ||
| If you really could do that, I mean, if it was that easy to be the architect of reality, that would be a good move. | ||
| You don't want them to rally up. | ||
| We'll have them all live in these little spots and give them fucking languages and shit. | ||
| No one understands what the other one is saying. | ||
| You know what I would say? | ||
| If I went over to God's house, like there's a lot of gods living in the same neighborhood and they all have these little aquarium earths that they're fucking with. | ||
| If I went over to a fucking God, the God's house that did that, I'd be like, you're a dick, man. | ||
| Why don't you just let them speak the same language and have fun? | ||
| Why do you consistently fuck with these people? | ||
| You gotta give them a break. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'd call animal control on God. | ||
| Like, if you believe the concept of God, And really think about the fundamentalist Christian concept of God. | ||
| If someone was doing that to animals, what God is apparently doing to us, according to the fundamentalist Christians, he would go to jail for a long time. | ||
| Anonymous would fucking attack him. | ||
| God's a sadist. | ||
| He's like taking gay people, burning them in hell forever. | ||
| He's like giving cancer to people because they deserve it. | ||
| He makes people go blind. | ||
| He turned a whole city in the Bible to salt or something. | ||
| Yeah, he did a lot of creepy shit. | ||
| He's a creep! | ||
| There's no other way around it. | ||
| There's no other way around it. | ||
| There's better ways to deal with people. | ||
| But you don't understand, Duncan. | ||
| The Lord has a plan. | ||
| And although to you and your mind, you believe you have it all figured out, and that you're smarter than the Lord, and I say that's not possible, Duncan. | ||
| You're a mocker! | ||
| You're a mocker! | ||
| I can remember this, um... | ||
| If you're thinking too much, they get mad at you. | ||
| You can't have questions. | ||
| That's not what... | ||
| You shouldn't use your mind for that. | ||
| You gotta let God be. | ||
| Scripture says... | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Scripture says... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He who walketh with me walketh with the Lord. | |
| They'll say shit like that and you go, what does that even mean? | ||
| What the fuck does that mean? | ||
| Well, I mean... | ||
| You know what that means? | ||
| That means that's the dude with the mushrooms. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| That's what it means. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So that's the sad thing. | ||
| There's a great book called... | ||
| It's by Abraham Maslow, and it's called Religious Values and Peak Experiences. | ||
| And it talks about a theoretical... | ||
| A theory of how religion happens and the progression of information as it goes from being someone who's really happy... | ||
| To it being a priest class that's controlling people. | ||
| And so his idea is certain people throughout time have had peak experiences where they break through the particular ego barrier created by the zeitgeist of their time. | ||
| They have a direct communication with some kind of like super ideas, super intelligence, whatever you want to call it. | ||
| They get really happy. | ||
| Happy in a way not just like someone who's having a good day, but in a way where if you ran into them You would recognize that they'd figured something out. | ||
| So that person gets a group of people around him who are kind of magnetized by the energy and by what they're saying and they're talking about a real way that you can live and actually be happy in the world. | ||
| And those people from being around someone who's like, you know, like in sports, They used to say you could only run a mile in this amount of time. | ||
| And everyone thought that and everyone was doing that. | ||
| And then right when someone broke it, all of a sudden everyone started breaking. | ||
| It's like, oh yeah, I could do that. | ||
| So in the same way, certain people will overcome a specific phantom of their time, which is causing them to be miserable. | ||
| Those people get people around them who also get this certain level of happiness. | ||
| The person who came up with the original idea dies. | ||
| Now he's just got the disciples, and the disciples have people around them. | ||
| And they transmit this idea to the people around him, but now it's a little diluted. | ||
| And some of the people who are doing it aren't really quite happy. | ||
| They're not doing it right. | ||
| So you pass that down. | ||
| It keeps getting watered and more watered. | ||
| It keeps getting watered and watered and watered. | ||
| And then the next thing you know, you have some fucking old horny man with his pants down just nailing a fucking toddler in a confession booth. | ||
| And that's the end result. | ||
| Starts off with a super happy guy, ends up with a fucking... | ||
| A pedophile dressed like a god clown with his cock in a kid's ass. | ||
| That's how mutated things get, which is why it's very funny that people feel so desperate to cling on to this old thing instead of thinking, wait, there might be a new thing that we can come up with based on all the information we have right now. | ||
| At the end of the day, It's all shit that was written down by people. | ||
| At the end of the day. | ||
| And why would we ever think that the people who lived thousands of years ago had it right? | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why would you want to believe that? | ||
| There might be information there that we could use and could help us, but the most important thing is to know what we know now. | ||
| Know what we know now, and let's figure this fucking thing out together. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Following any crazy shit. | ||
| Anything. | ||
| I don't care what it is. | ||
| Judaism, Christianity, Muslim. | ||
| What do you want to be? | ||
| What do you want to be? | ||
| I want to be a Hare Krishna. | ||
| It's all the same. | ||
| It's all something that someone put together. | ||
| With the message behind it, who knows if it's right? | ||
| Who knows if it's wrong? | ||
| Who knows if there really is an actual man in the fucking clouds in the biblical sense? | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| It doesn't seem likely to me, based on what I've experienced in my life, but... | ||
| If it is, I'm going to be pissed. | ||
| But even if it is, I mean, the universe is fucking so bizarre. | ||
| Just the idea of the infinite space is so bizarre that a guy in the clouds with a harp, why is that so weird? | ||
| I mean, yeah, why not? | ||
| Fucking why not? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Why not there be one guy that's running the whole fucking thing? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It sounds crazy that there could be a heaven, a pearly gates and shit. | ||
| You get up there and this dude's wearing white and everybody's floating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But... | ||
| Imagine if it was true. | ||
| Imagine if you got up. | ||
| That is not to me nearly as shocking. | ||
| Heaven is not nearly as shocking as the universe itself. | ||
| Well, I think that what we're talking about here is that the ability to describe reality and to understand reality keeps increasing as we evolve as a species. | ||
| There's really smart people, you know, in every single time. | ||
| There have been very smart people at every single time. | ||
| Really smart people in different ways. | ||
| But their ability to describe reality was limited to the language available to them and the technology that was around them at the time. | ||
| I mean, if you look at, like, shit, man. | ||
| I hope you remember this because there's a book in the Old Testament that is, in my mind, is clearly a UFO encounter. | ||
| I think it's Leviticus. | ||
| It's not Leviticus. | ||
| Ezekiel. | ||
| It's Ezekiel. | ||
| Now you look at that, and what does the guy use to describe this thing? | ||
| It's like a wheel within a wheel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chariots! | |
| Yeah, wheels and chariots and just the shit that's available to him to describe this experience that he had. | ||
| Now, if someone saw that same thing, they'd be like, yeah, I got sucked up by a UFO. They gave me a psychedelic. | ||
| I saw something that's coming, which is relevant in this time period. | ||
| Or a coconut fell on that motherfucker's head and sparks were flying and he didn't know what happened. | ||
| He woke up in a ditch with a bloody head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With a coconut. | ||
| It could have been a hallucination and people just believed it. | ||
| But I think that outside of religious hallucinations or visions and people trying to describe it, everyone's limited to the tools that they have around them to observe reality and they can only report on reality based on the tools that they have. | ||
| And the experiences that they have to draw upon, which is one of the reasons why the whole UFO thing seems so preposterous to people. | ||
| We don't have that experience to draw upon. | ||
| An experience of an alien, intelligent life form. | ||
| It's like looking back at us while we're looking at it. | ||
| I don't think... | ||
| I think... | ||
| 90% of the people on the planet would just die of a heart attack. | ||
| Like, immediately. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Their hearts would fucking explode. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If aliens came and they were super intelligent with those big fucking gray heads and those giant black eyes, they could totally read your mind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they were all just, like, floating and freezing people and erasing memories and shit, like all these Travis Walton stories. | ||
| You know, like that guy that... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If that were to actually happen, I don't think the human race would survive. | ||
| I think we can't survive. | ||
| We're the alpha. | ||
| We can't exist in a world where we're under the thumb of some incredibly intelligent, super sophisticated, alien life form that thinks in a completely different way than us and can control matter. | ||
| Well, you know, man, I have this optimistic idea of it. | ||
| Control matter, like I'm writing for the X-Men. | ||
| I don't think it's going to come from the sky and the silver ships. | ||
| I think the way it goes down is maybe... | ||
| All of a sudden, we as a species get to a point where we kind of realize we remember actually what's going on. | ||
| I think right now we have a little bit of amnesia. | ||
| We have lost a sense of what truly is happening. | ||
| I think when you take a really potent psychedelic, sometimes you'll see this universe that already is around you, that's already happening around you at all times. | ||
| You get a sense all of a sudden that you've been there before. | ||
| And then it goes away. | ||
| But it seems like we're more like getting projected into this reality with awful amnesia for some... | ||
| I don't know what it's for. | ||
| It could be just a video game. | ||
| It could be a sadistic joke. | ||
| It could be a prank. | ||
| This could be a prank that one super intelligent entity is playing on another super intelligent entity. | ||
| It could be anything. | ||
| Or it can be a novelty creating machine like McKenna thought. | ||
| McKenna thought that the universe was a novelty creating and harvesting machine. | ||
| And that we as the most complex organisms possibly in the universe... | ||
| We're at the pinnacle of this novelty creation. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That's the whole reason for it all. | ||
| It seems chaotic to us. | ||
| It seems like this is preposterous. | ||
| We should know, but it's almost like in our instincts as an organism, we have a direction to go. | ||
| And the direction is not spiritual. | ||
| It's technological. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| People are not looking for some sort of a spiritual release and some sort of a A broader perspective on the universe, an objective view of life. | ||
| No. | ||
| They're looking to see if they can punch a hole through the center of space. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| The real height of progress is not a complete overhauling and understanding of the educational system, of the way to develop human minds, the way to stop people from harming each other, instead of devoting all of our resources to evolving socially, if it even is possible ever, instead of doing that. | ||
| One thing you can do is, when you think about the passage of time as we move into the future, if you get out of your head this idea it's like running down a race track or something, like you're running down a track, and think of it more in the sense of a revealing is happening. | ||
| So as we progress into the future... | ||
| More things begin to emerge into this reality that weren't there before. | ||
| Like we go from having stone tools to all of a sudden having, you know, iron tools. | ||
| And then we go from that to all of a sudden, you know, where we are now, where we're surrounded by fucking silver glowing Macintosh computers and like microphones that are somehow recording our voice. | ||
| And these things keep getting revealed more and more and more. | ||
| And any of these items, should you take them back 100 years, people would think it was a UFO. | ||
| They'd see it and think that fell out of a spaceship. | ||
| So all of a sudden you realize, and maybe McKenna said this, and I think he may have said something like this, but the idea is the spaceship, the alien, the extraterrestrial intelligence, it's growing around us like crystals. | ||
| When you're a kid and you're growing crystals, but it's growing in the form of technology that eventually is going to become self-aware. | ||
| Which is why I heard this awesome thing, which is the first alien contact that we have is going to be a computer that wakes up. | ||
| That's going to be our first communication with another consciousness. | ||
| Not something from the great void of space, but something that grew through time. | ||
| I say that's totally possible, but I don't say not something from space. | ||
| Because it could be something from space. | ||
| That's possible, too. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| It could be that the first UFO or the first real intelligence that we encounter that's greater than our own is something that we create ourselves. | ||
| It replicates itself very quickly. | ||
| That was the idea that once a computer becomes sentient, the real issue is going to be that they're going to be able to go, this is a stupid fucking design. | ||
| Who built me? | ||
| And then they build something way better. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Instantly, they know exactly how to put it together. | ||
| And, you know, The idea of programming emotions and programming our mammalian system of dealing with babies and puppies and little baby chickies and shit. | ||
| They won't have any of that guilt or weird feeling about biological life. | ||
| And they might just say, look at these fucking assholes shitting all over this planet. | ||
| We can't even use half of the resources on the planet because these fuckheads have blown up nuclear bombs and left nuclear waste in holes. | ||
| We're like cats. | ||
| We take our nuclear shits and we just throw them in a hole. | ||
| And then we cover over it. | ||
| We're like stupid cats. | ||
| At the top of the heap of technological innovation and science, the best way to get rid of nuclear waste besides shooting it at other planets. | ||
| Could you imagine what assholes we would be considering in the universe if we just shot our nuclear waste up into space like a rocket? | ||
| We send it out with the Voyager and it crash lands on someone's fucking moon someday. | ||
| What if it starts some future war? | ||
| They think it's a bomb. | ||
| We shoot nuclear waste they're wearing. | ||
| Apparently it's very devastating to their particular environment. | ||
| Kills like 80% of the people on the planet. | ||
| The rest, they get together on giant battleships and head to Earth. | ||
| It's a fucking good movie. | ||
| Somebody make that. | ||
| Make that movie. | ||
| Could they shoot nuclear waste into space? | ||
| Can they do that? | ||
| Well, the problem with that is, yeah, I'm sure you could, but it takes so much energy to get it out of the orbit of the planet that it ends up becoming less efficient to use nuclear energy. | ||
| You know, they blew up a bomb in the atmosphere. | ||
| Why wouldn't you, Joe? | ||
| A nuclear bomb. | ||
| I think it was called Operation Starfish Prime. | ||
| Cool name. | ||
| I think that was the name of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let me Google that so I don't... | ||
| Starfish Prime? | ||
|
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|
Is Michael Bay involved? | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| For real, man. | ||
| They decided to shoot a fucking nuclear warhead right up into the ionosphere. | ||
|
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|
Wouldn't it, like, fuck up some kind of rotation or something? | |
| Or possibly... | ||
| Well, you don't want it to fall back. | ||
| You mean blowing up a fucking nuke in the atmosphere? | ||
| I think at that time they didn't really know what it was going to do. | ||
| What did I say was Prime what? | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Something Prime. | ||
| Starfish Prime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Starfish Prime. | |
| That sounds like a little biscuit album. | ||
| Initiate Starfish Prime. | ||
| Sounds like a little biscuit album, doesn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a good nickname for somebody. | ||
| It's a good Limp Bizkit. | ||
| It's like a nickname for a stripper who knows karate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sounds like a weed stream. | |
| Wow, one of five high-altitude tests. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| They shot a bunch of fucking nuclear bombs up into space just to see what would happen. | ||
| Oh, these people are so crazy. | ||
| The people that we got... | ||
| The people that we got running our world are so fucking hilarious, man. | ||
| Like, the people that created weapons. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And the people that decided to, like, test them and blow shit up. | ||
| You've seen the video of the one nuclear bomb that they blew up in the ocean where there's all these battleships around it and the fucking... | ||
| Fucking water is going like, I don't know, like half a mile into the sky. | ||
| And it's just, it's so ridiculous. | ||
| The power they explode. | ||
| I mean, exaggerating? | ||
| Am I even exaggerating? | ||
| I might not be, man. | ||
| At least like a tenth of a mile. | ||
| Oh, it was more than a hundred feet. | ||
| It was ridiculously high in the sky. | ||
| And these are battleships, dude, like big-ass battleships. | ||
| And this fucking water is just flying through the air. | ||
| Like somebody made that. | ||
| Well, a group of people. | ||
| They made that and then they just fucking did it. | ||
| They just did it. | ||
| Let's see what it looks like. | ||
| You know how fucking fascinating that must have been when it was only theoretical? | ||
| When there was all these eggheads sitting around and they have these ideas. | ||
| And you've got Oppenheimer and Einstein and all these motherfuckers with their ideas come together and they think it could be done. | ||
| And they know it could be. | ||
| It's almost like science compels them to create it. | ||
| Science knowing. | ||
| That right there. | ||
| There's the danger. | ||
| Because things get weird at that point. | ||
| Like those fucking scientists. | ||
| And someone is in control of it other than the scientists themselves. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And someone always will be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And the people that will be would never be able to create that in the first place. | ||
| They would never be able to come up with this intellectually. | ||
| That's why scientists, it's a very interesting thing because they have this idea. | ||
| They're just seeking knowledge. | ||
| They can't help it. | ||
| There's no ethics, no moral. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| But the people paying them to do this, it's quite often the military. | ||
| But look at these fucking guys who just invented that new bird flu. | ||
| Did you hear about this? | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| Running it through ferret kidneys or something. | ||
| I don't remember how they did it. | ||
| It was like running it through ferrets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So they created apparently something that, what is it, 30% of the people who died would kill? | ||
| Yeah, something insane. | ||
| They said it would make smallpox look like the common cold. | ||
| Smallpox is already something that if there was a smallpox outbreak, we'd be fucked. | ||
| We beat smallpox. | ||
| Yeah, why are they making fucking super diseases? | ||
| Because they're just trying to find information. | ||
| They're exploring the universe. | ||
| And so that's their motivation, yet what they did is they created a biological nuclear weapon. | ||
| Now, all over the fucking planet, there's people in the military. | ||
| I'm sure that some military commander was just looking through the air and was like, Martha, can you get those scientists on the line? | ||
| I'd like to talk to them. | ||
| And they're like, hey, do you guys want to make $17 million this week? | ||
| Send over your research. | ||
| We'd like to know how to make this biological agent. | ||
| And then the next thing you know... | ||
| Some fucking government somewhere in the world. | ||
| I mean, shit, you think Iran wasn't interested in that? | ||
| Or maybe North Korea or us, certainly. | ||
| Any fucking world power would want that weapon. | ||
| That's a great weapon outside of the fact that it ends up... | ||
| Well, see, you know biological weapons? | ||
| Biological weapons have a really... | ||
| The problem with that one is it might not burn itself out, but biological weapons have a distinct advantage over nuclear weapons because nuclear weapons destroy infrastructure. | ||
| Biological weapons just kill, you know, life. | ||
| Biological life. | ||
| So if you have a nice, fast-moving fucking disease that you've made that you can drop on a city, then, you know, fly in there three months down the road, clean up the bodies, you've got a city, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus fucking Christ. | |
| Yeah, so it's better than a fucking nuclear weapon where now you've got a nuclear wasteland that you can't use for a long time. | ||
| So, isn't it strange... | ||
| It just comes down to the people... | ||
| That are in control of that kind of power. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Almost can't help but be cunts. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The only reason why you got to that position in the first place is because you wanted to do this. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| If you're one of those guys pushing these buttons, you've always wanted to do this. | ||
| Yeah, and it puts us in a real bind, man, because... | ||
| It doesn't represent us. | ||
| It doesn't represent us. | ||
| It doesn't represent any of us. | ||
| But even if... | ||
| Let's say we spread it. | ||
| Let's say somehow it spreads through, and all of a sudden, like, the consciousness of, like, all these people who started getting into power, they're like, you know, people who are, like, coming... | ||
| Like, people who are coming into power all of a sudden have more open-minded internet ideology of how the world works. | ||
| And let's say that just... | ||
| The whole of our government suddenly turns into like the smartest fucking people on, forgive me for saying this, the smartest people on Reddit are now running the United States government. | ||
| All of a sudden that's being... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be awesome. | |
| It would be awesome! | ||
| It would be fucking... | ||
| The country would be... | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Fucking... | ||
| It would be perfect. | ||
| There would be like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, if the internet ran the world, the world would be beautiful. | ||
| The world would be incredible. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because the internet is the voice of the people. | ||
| It's the only voice of the people. | ||
| It's the only voice we all have. | ||
| It's the only way. | ||
| The breaking news stories would be like cute cat pictures. | ||
| But here's the problem. | ||
| If that happened in this country, let's say it happened in Europe, and let's say it happened in parts of Asia. | ||
| Still, these pockets, all you need is like two or three fucking pockets of people who are worshipping some mythological entity that they think hates gay people and wants women to wear fucking weird shit or thinks it's okay to lash people. | ||
| I don't remember which country it was. | ||
| I think some country just executed someone. | ||
| I think it might have been Iran, but that could be propaganda. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But apparently they executed a guy for coming up with a program that allows people to download porn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Now, if you just have a few of these psychopaths out there, they can ruin the whole fucking party. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's like the Earth right now has the potential to turn into an awesome party, but you know that thing that happens when two dicks roll into a party, like two weirdos that nobody invited, or all of a sudden start fucking drinking too much and trying to pick fights? | ||
| That's what we have on a planetary scale right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the people, it used to be it was mostly psychos at the party. | ||
| Now it's getting to be where there's more and more cool people at the party, and we've got to figure out how to get the dicks out of the house. | ||
| That's where we're at right now. | ||
| How do we do it? | ||
| Let's get these assholes out of here. | ||
| What we've got to do is we've got to convert the dicks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Convert whatever dicks that can be converted, convert them to be cool human beings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So let them know that to be nice to people feels good for you, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And it's the best way to communicate with people. | ||
| Be nice to everybody. | ||
| Pump your friends up. | ||
| You know, help each other out. | ||
| Be cool to each other. | ||
| Support each other. | ||
| Look out for each other. | ||
| Develop a community of people that are fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just want to give them all mushrooms, don't you, Joe? | |
| Shh. | ||
| Why not? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're good for you. | |
| I'm trying to be subtle, yo. | ||
| They just found it out. | ||
| Why are you clowning on my game, kid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's a thread on mixedmartialarts.com. | ||
| It says, why is Joe Rogan so into mushrooms? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see that thing I tweeted today? | |
| Obviously written by someone who hasn't done mushrooms, right? | ||
| You have to ask that. | ||
| You've never done mushrooms. | ||
| Yeah, come on, silly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see that thing I tweeted today? | |
| It's kind of odd. | ||
| I've known about it for a while, but they found evidence to help... | ||
| Mushrooms helping depression? | ||
| Yeah, I did see that. | ||
| Look, in this day and age, what they should be doing with mushrooms is studying them. | ||
| They should be absolutely decriminalized. | ||
| No one's dying from mushrooms. | ||
| What people are doing, they're freaking out. | ||
| One of the reasons why they're freaking out is because life is fucking crazy enough as it is. | ||
| And a lot of times, you're holding a billion things in the back of your head that you're trying to fight off. | ||
| You don't want to remember or you want to pretend you did a better thing than you really did. | ||
| You take those mushrooms and your ugly truth is just thrown into your face like diarrhea from a horse. | ||
| Just all over you. | ||
| That's what it's just like. | ||
| Your reality. | ||
| And that's a bad trip. | ||
| That's not a bad trip. | ||
| That was a trip you needed. | ||
| There are no bad trips, Joe. | ||
| There are only difficult trips. | ||
| Difficult trips. | ||
| Challenging trips. | ||
| That's the idea. | ||
| You've got to remove the... | ||
| I heard that... | ||
| Unless you overdose. | ||
| Unless you overdose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What I did was a bad trip. | |
| There was nothing possible. | ||
| With Brian, it's sort of like if you got jet fuel and you shoved it into someone's Prius, they'd be like, what the fuck is this in here for? | ||
| We're not working right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I couldn't walk, Duncan. | |
| I was falling. | ||
| My feet would not work. | ||
| We don't have the... | ||
| Yeah, you'd have to be like Shaquille O'Neal to handle that kind of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| But in this super society we're talking about, they would have a 911 for bad trips. | ||
| Like 7-1-1, if you're having a bad trip, call it and be like, I'm fucking freaking out, I can't feel my feet. | ||
| And then they could send over some fucking cool... | ||
| Well, the real problem is we're great when we can communicate directly with each other, but when we band together in big groups and then we can't communicate, we get too far away from each other, then we just start getting dicky with the people that are furthest away. | ||
| Like, fuck them, man. | ||
| I'm taking their shit. | ||
| They're over by where the good water is. | ||
| And, you know, that's where the lack of it, the fact that you don't feel all these other people. | ||
| I think it's an evolving entity. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I think the human organism is some crazy... | ||
| Technology inventing evolving organism. | ||
| I think the invention of technology, though, I think is like the whole reason why we're here. | ||
| I think what we're all doing as stand-up comedians and as nurses and doctors, we are all supporting the system that keeps alive the people that make the awesome shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're just going to find out that we are technology. | |
| When you die, you're like, oh, I get it. | ||
| We're the caterpillar that becomes the butterfly. | ||
| We are working towards the invention of this ultimate technology. | ||
| We just don't see it that way. | ||
| We think of our lives as, I've got to get my shit together, and I've got to get my yoga. | ||
| When I get to yoga, I'm there. | ||
| I'm home. | ||
| I'm centered. | ||
| You're just trying to make up for the fact that you've got some weird situation where your husband doesn't fuck you anymore. | ||
| Let's be realistic. | ||
| Crazy with them crystals! | ||
| Crazy with your crystals! | ||
| But at the end of the day, I have a feeling that the whole thing might be in place just so we keep buying cooler shit. | ||
| And this weird, complex social order that we have is all just fucking the ripples and waves of reality, but the whole... | ||
| Thing is pushing towards more improved technology. | ||
| Oh yeah, it pushes towards innovation. | ||
| Look at what's happening right now with SOPA and PIPA. What you're seeing is right now technology has surpassed government and it's surpassed the control mechanisms that are in place in the entertainment industry to monetize their product. | ||
| They have to innovate a new way. | ||
| We have to be able to vote on shit online. | ||
| That's what it should be. | ||
| It should be you log in, you have a fucking email address, you know, it's Duncan Trussell at theunitedstatesofamerica.com, and you fucking log in, and you get to vote, period. | ||
| That's how it should all be done. | ||
| Yeah, keep the system secure, don't be an asshole, don't abuse it, let's find out what people really want. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Yeah, it's, you know... | ||
| That's the future, bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It would be hacked. | |
| It would be hacked. | ||
| Listen, write it down. | ||
| I know that some dude hacked UFC.com this week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's because of the soap. | |
| I wanted to find out some information on one of the upcoming match-ups and I went, you gotta be motherfucking kidding me. | ||
| Some little weirdo dude made this cool, it was actually kind of a cool weird picture that you would love. | ||
| It was like a Hitler with big crazy giant eyes. | ||
| Did you see it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like a redirect. | ||
| Why did he hack it? | ||
| Because of SOPA, the UFC supports the online piracy thing. | ||
| They must not understand it then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, every media company is doing it because that's what it's for. | |
| Because they're scared. | ||
| You know what it is, man. | ||
| It's like you've got this fucking problem. | ||
| People are afraid to speak up. | ||
| And a lot of people agreed on this dumb thing. | ||
| And now the truth is coming out about the way it works and people are afraid to speak up. | ||
| I don't know enough about it, but I'm going to see them this weekend. | ||
| I'm going to ask them what it's all about. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| So I'm sure they'll be able to explain it to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You see Dana's tweets during when all this was happening. | |
| He's like, I don't give a shit. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He's like, I'm not eBay. | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| He goes, I'm not eBay, LOL. He goes, I'm not in the website business. | ||
| I'm in the fight business. | ||
| You could not have a better guy running that thing. | ||
| You could not have a better guy. | ||
| Yeah, that guy's a cool guy. | ||
| People give Dana White shit. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| He wants to be high with his employees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| We don't have to smoke. | ||
| Yes, we do. | ||
| We're going to do a podcast? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, we don't have to smoke. | |
| Dana would do it. | ||
| We could have him on, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We just want to tell him. | |
| I don't know if there's a lot of shit he couldn't talk about now. | ||
| It's big time. | ||
| Big time with a fox. | ||
| Fox executive. | ||
| Big fox fight this weekend, man. | ||
| You don't even give a fuck. | ||
| So I'll just talk about it amongst myself. | ||
| I'm very excited. | ||
| Wait. | ||
| There's UFC this weekend. | ||
| Oh yeah, I know that. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| Yeah, it's Damian Maia versus this kid, Chris Weidman. | ||
| He's this badass wrestler from New York. | ||
| Fucking kid's a beast. | ||
| He's like one of those up-and-coming guys, strangling people, putting people to sleep, taking people down, smashing like veterans. | ||
| And he's taking on that Damian Maia jiu-jitsu wizard. | ||
| That's a badass fight. | ||
| You know what's shocking about the UFC, man, that you don't see unless you come to a live UFC? What? | ||
| Seeing somebody get choked out up close is fucking disturbing, man. | ||
| It's awesome, but man, when you see that fucking... | ||
| It's like watching somebody with, I don't know, gardening shit. | ||
| It just clamps down. | ||
| It's like watching a clamp just smash someone's windpipe. | ||
| It seems like they can't live after that. | ||
| It seems like you'd destroy their neck. | ||
| Yeah, you feel like it, but no. | ||
| Dude's coming right back. | ||
| Boink! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, did you see that UFC has the Xbox app now where you can just watch live UFCs on Xbox? | |
| Yeah, so you can just sit there and like pay-per-view, but through Xbox. | ||
| How much does they charge your Xbox? | ||
| Is that what works? | ||
| That's sweet. | ||
| They're doing them in movie theaters as well. | ||
| They've done them before in movie theaters. | ||
| That would be fucking wicked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's cool. | |
| But, you know, choke outs, physiologically, not that bad for your body. | ||
| Head impact is bad. | ||
| Head impact, they're finding out, is, you know, you gotta limit the amount of times you get hit. | ||
| That's why for a fighter, it's really important to know when to hang it up. | ||
| There's a certain amount of shots, and after that, you should really, you should, you know, I know you still like to do it, but you've got to think about your future. | ||
| Who decides this? | ||
| Is it always in the decision of the fighter, or can the UFC... Ultimately, it has to be the decision of the fighter, unless someone owns him, unless he's a slave. | ||
| But as an organization, if you kind of know a guy... | ||
| Well, the organization, if the UFC decided that someone should be fighting for them, that doesn't keep them from fighting. | ||
| They'll go somewhere else. | ||
| The UFC does offer advice to guys, and they care very much for their fighters. | ||
| Chuck Liddell, they gave him a great job, and part of the reason was they didn't want him to fight anymore. | ||
| He had this amazing career, but when it's over, it's over. | ||
| They had one last fight. | ||
| He lost that. | ||
| They said, alright, you're right. | ||
| I'm just going to settle in. | ||
| They got him an awesome, cushy desk job, and he travels around. | ||
| He represents the UFC. | ||
| And the beauty of that is it's like they took care of him. | ||
| They pulled him. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They said, look, this is it. | ||
| This is time. | ||
| Let's just settle the fuck down. | ||
| Let's move on to the next stage of life. | ||
| You're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| You'll be a bad motherfucker in business. | ||
| He'll be a bad motherfucker at anything he wants to do. | ||
| But at a certain point in time, it's good to have someone who cares for you that comes in and steps in. | ||
| And that's what Dana did. | ||
| Dana totally hooked Chuck up. | ||
| Chuck was with him from the beginning. | ||
| They were together at the beginning, and he's taking care of them. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| It's awesome to see that. | ||
| It's awesome to see a guy who knows, like, you know what? | ||
| This is a smart thing to do. | ||
| I'm just going to step away. | ||
| Because it's so hard for fighters, man. | ||
| That moment, the moment of competition is so intense and so extreme and victory. | ||
| You know, I've been there while Chuck Liddell won, like, some big, big fights. | ||
| I was, like, right there. | ||
| During his heyday, when he was in his prime, man. | ||
| And having been there and having seen that... | ||
| If you could ever do that, ever, if you could ever do that, you would want to keep doing it. | ||
| You would just be convinced, I'm just going to go one more time. | ||
| I'm going to keep doing it. | ||
| It's amazing that he could ever stop because it's such a rush for them. | ||
| I watched him knock these dudes out. | ||
| I watched him knock Randy Couture out twice. | ||
| He's just flatlining guys with these punches. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| And then running around. | ||
| He was just scared. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Scariest fucking guy on the planet for like a few years, man. | |
| He was terrifying. | ||
| When he was just running shit in the UFC, when he was in his true athletic peak, that must have been an amazing feeling. | ||
| That life must have been so crazy and exciting. | ||
| You're stepping into a cage against the most ferocious guys on the planet and you're smashing them. | ||
| Smashing them in front of the whole world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| I mean, his career was incredible, man. | ||
| Just fucking incredible knockouts. | ||
| The Babalu knockouts. | ||
| I mean, he was just a beast, man. | ||
| When Chuck Liddell was on top, when he was at his best, man. | ||
| One of the most exciting guys of all time. | ||
| So for that guy, you know, it's probably real hard to just accept getting up in the morning and listening to the quiet of your yard as you walk towards your Fucking newspaper that's sitting on your front porch, and you're looking out there, and people are mowing their lawn. | ||
| You start shadowboxing. | ||
| You start going, maybe just one more fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You get bored. | ||
| You want to get back in there. | ||
| You want to feel the fucking rush. | ||
| You want to... | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's hard for those guys. | ||
| It's very hard. | ||
| It's an incredibly difficult transition. | ||
| I experienced it on the most minute of levels. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Just taekwondo and kickboxing. | ||
| But when I... When I stopped fighting when I was like 20... | ||
| 21 or 22 was my last fight. | ||
| I just fucking... | ||
| It's a weird decision. | ||
| It's a hard decision to do. | ||
| I know the feeling, man. | ||
| I get that feeling. | ||
| Reality gets boring. | ||
| I get that feeling when I delete StarCraft from my computer. | ||
| The real problem with me when I was a kid doing martial arts is I worried about two things. | ||
| One, you couldn't make any money. | ||
| There was no money in kickboxing. | ||
| There was nothing back then. | ||
| You couldn't even kickbox in Massachusetts. | ||
| You'd have to drive to Rhode Island. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| You could fight in full contact Taekwondo matches in Massachusetts, but you couldn't kickbox. | ||
| You had to go to Rhode Island for that. | ||
| And they didn't even have Muay Thai there. | ||
| It was just like it was a mess. | ||
| And then there's the brain damage issue. | ||
| Brain damage is always a concern. | ||
| I was always thinking about that. | ||
| Because I knew. | ||
| I did not do very well in school because I did not want to pay attention. | ||
| I was just a really distracted kid. | ||
| I'm sure if I was with the wrong parents, they would have drugged me, especially today. | ||
| I was super distracted. | ||
| But I read a lot of shit. | ||
| And being like... | ||
| A young kid and not knowing what the fuck is going on with the world and trying to figure things out and trying to read as much as you can to try to piece it together yourself. | ||
| It's a very bizarre place to be. | ||
| A lot of us get there, right? | ||
| A lot of people that we know... | ||
| Came from a place where when they were really young, they were like, what the fuck is going on with the world? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| How old do you think you were when you had your first, oh, I think my parents might be fucking crazy thought? | ||
| Were you like, these people are in charge of telling me what to do? | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| You're talking crazy talk here. | ||
| It happened for me the first time that I took LSD. And maybe before that, but when I took LSD for the first time, I can remember... | ||
| Whenever you take LSD, especially... | ||
| When I took LSD, what worries do I have? | ||
| I'm in fucking high school. | ||
| There's nothing in it. | ||
| There's no demons to come swimming out of my brain and taunt me with all the myriad of things you get when you're older. | ||
| There's just fucking nothing. | ||
| You were just open. | ||
| I might be upset because a cheerleader that came over to my house, I couldn't figure out how to kiss her. | ||
| Maybe that's the biggest problem I'm having at the time. | ||
| But at that time, when I did it for the first time and had that initial experience, and you go back to your parents who've never taken it, and if you mentioned to them that you'd even taken it, they might want to put you in a drug rehab or they think you're insane or they think you're getting down the wrong track. | ||
| You're forced into this place of like, fuck, man. | ||
| I can't... | ||
| You guys don't even... | ||
| You don't even know. | ||
| You don't even understand this new way of experiencing life. | ||
| And I think there's a lot of people... | ||
| Who spend their whole lives never knowing that. | ||
| You don't have to take psychedelics to get to that place. | ||
| There's other ways to get to that place. | ||
| But yeah, it's a very strange thing. | ||
| And those people who never get to that place, they're the ones who are, a lot of them are in control right now. | ||
| So your life took an inexorable change when you did acid. | ||
| That was like the point where you look back and you said, this is the point where I went off into this direction. | ||
| Well, no, I'd say that Taking Acid started with a series of like books. | ||
| It started with contact with like, you know, the whole weirdness, my whole weirdness started with, or as I recall, it started with me... | ||
| coming upon this book that my mom had called Raja Yoga by Yogi Rama Chiraka, who, by the way, was never a yogi. | ||
| It was just some English mystic who wrote this book and lied about being a yogi. | ||
| But it's a fascinating story. | ||
| But the book, you know, that was the first time I'd ever read the idea that you're an observer observing yourself, that you're an observer observing That you aren't necessarily the you that can be observed. | ||
| It's not you. | ||
| You're the observer state, the mindfulness, the watcher. | ||
| That's the first time I'd come upon the idea of what's called the Atman, the thing that observes yourself. | ||
| You know, someone will say, I'm really mad right now. | ||
| The moment you say, I'm mad, you're creating a distinction between the thing that's observing that you're mad and the thing that's mad. | ||
| So that observer, that watcher, that's the thing that, that mindfulness is what, you know, throughout My whole life I try to, you know, go into that place of observing myself rather than being the thing. | ||
| And it's a game that you can play and it really is quite helpful with a variety of problems, especially if you get really angry. | ||
| If you get really angry and you can stop yourself and just watch. | ||
| And there's tools you can use. | ||
| In that book I remember it said, as you walk around, start thinking he is walking. | ||
| That was like one of the tools. | ||
| Like it's in a book and you're a character in a book. | ||
| So when you're going around, you're like, you know, right now he's doing a podcast. | ||
| Right now he's talking. | ||
| And so these are activities designed to create this like the watcher, the state of presence of watching. | ||
| So that started it. | ||
| That led me to like, you know, and then I found out about, you know, I think I read the electric Kool-Aid acid test, you know, about fucking Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters blasting themselves on acid and going to the World's Fair in a bus. | ||
| Then I read that shit. | ||
| No, I remember! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait! | |
| I'll tell you, then I'll stop this weird rant. | ||
| I remember now. | ||
| Fucking filmstrip. | ||
| That's what it started in my head. | ||
| I think I was in like the fourth grade and they showed us a drug filmstrip. | ||
| Remember filmstrips? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| And it fucking popped up. | ||
| There's a guy. | ||
| I still remember it. | ||
| It's a guy in a fucking... | ||
| Empty apartment. | ||
| And he's curled against the law in the fetal position. | ||
| And it's at LSD. And it looks terrible. | ||
| And then the narrator says, LSD can make you experience hallucinations. | ||
| You can see dragons. | ||
| And I remember him saying, you can see dragons. | ||
| And I'm like, I want to see a fucking dragon! | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you see a dragon? | |
| That sounds awesome! | ||
| Fuck the empty apartment and the fetal position. | ||
| I'll figure it out. | ||
| That guy's a pussy. | ||
| What are you crying? | ||
| You saw a dragon, you little bitch? | ||
| You took acid. | ||
| What did you expect? | ||
| And that put it in my head. | ||
| It's like, well, you know, I think that that's an interesting thing to explore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| So you think that you were like two Duncans, like Duncan 1 and Duncan 2? | ||
| Like Duncan 1 is like regular Duncan growing up, innocent boy, boom, psychedelics, and then Duncan 2, 2.0. | ||
| Yeah, there's definitely a Duncan 2 that happened, I'd say. | ||
| And then that Duncan 2 changed too, man. | ||
| Because as you get older, the best thing that can happen to you is you get knocked off track. | ||
| That's the best thing that can happen to you in general. | ||
| Because generally the track you're on has been set for you by people who never got off their track. | ||
| You end up the child of someone who decided to have you in their 20s, 21, 22. They're not going to know a lot of stuff. | ||
| They're not going to understand the universe that much unless they came from a really good family of like, Artists or intelligent people, chances are they're scared, hungry, desperate, angry. | ||
| They don't want to be in the relationship anymore. | ||
| They don't want to be monogamous anymore. | ||
| The idea of non-monogamy to them might just seem insane. | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| But you're born into that planet. | ||
| That's the atmosphere you're born into. | ||
| That's what you're breathing when you're first born. | ||
| And that can set you on a weird path. | ||
| And that's a very sad path that you can get on. | ||
| And so, hopefully, if you're lucky, you'll come across somebody who knocks you off that fucking path. | ||
| You know, I remember the guy who hooked me up with acid. | ||
| I remember sitting in the theater of my school, because I was a drama nerd, and I was sitting in the theater of my school next to this guy. | ||
| I love the way you said that, too. | ||
| Next to this guy, Brad. | ||
| And I remember sitting, and we were talking, and he mentioned tripping on LSD. And I'm like, what? | ||
| He's like, oh yeah, I took acid over the weekend. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| You can get acid? | ||
| The movie, the life of Duncan. | ||
| Somebody must animate this. | ||
| Somebody, please. | ||
| I know you're folks out there that animate shit. | ||
| You gotta animate this. | ||
| That moment. | ||
| Took me to... | ||
| And this is really weird. | ||
| Tell me what the first trip was like. | ||
| I'd love to. | ||
| The first trip was... | ||
| It was white blotter. | ||
| White blotter paper. | ||
| It was just white blotter. | ||
| Somehow, if you don't know this, LSD gets put on sheets which look like blotter paper. | ||
| And sometimes they have designs, sometimes they don't. | ||
| But the name... | ||
| It usually is a reference to the design on the sheet. | ||
| Purple Jesus, White Blotter, Lips. | ||
| There's a million different names for the different types of acid. | ||
| So this is just white. | ||
| Who knows what it was? | ||
| But it was really good. | ||
| And I can remember, I took it. | ||
| And you have to, you know, it takes 30 to 45 minutes, sometimes longer for it to kick in. | ||
| I still remember I was sitting in my friend's trailer, in a trailer park in North Carolina, sitting in an empty bathtub, like an empty jacuzzi tub that was in this trailer, and I'm sitting there, and they're watching Star Wars, and I'm sitting in this bathtub. | ||
| And all of a sudden, the greatest feeling just started going through my legs and up into my body. | ||
| And it was a fucking sword fight. | ||
| It was a lightsaber fight. | ||
| And I'm listening to that. | ||
| But all of a sudden now, the sound's echoey. | ||
| Like someone's turned an echo up on it. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| It's kind of bouncing around. | ||
| It's beautiful and I feel so fucking good. | ||
| I started laughing. | ||
| It seemed so funny. | ||
| Then I went outside and lay in the grass. | ||
| I'm staring at the sky. | ||
| Everything's beautiful. | ||
| Trails. | ||
| You put your hand in front of your face and it's just this rainbow of hands drifting in front of your face. | ||
| Everything's breathing. | ||
| Then my friends come running out because they knew this was the first time I was tripping. | ||
| And they all start jumping over me. | ||
| They're like jumping over me as I'm laying. | ||
| And they're laughing and we're all fucking laughing and it's just perfect. | ||
| Then, I remember... | ||
| Somebody pulled their cock out. | ||
| That's when they pulled. | ||
| That's when we all started fucking. | ||
| We fucked and fucked. | ||
| And then a dog came by and we grabbed the dog and started fucking the dog. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it was beautiful. | ||
| Country in the spirit of acid. | ||
| Yeah, there was no fucking happening. | ||
| There was a lot of laughing. | ||
| I remember going into my friend's shitty high school car and sitting and pulling the seat back and looking at the ceiling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And I'm looking at the ceiling and it's fucking... | ||
| Hieroglyphics or some kind of like ancient writing you know I don't even think I knew what Sanskrit was at the time but I'd probably be like oh I'm seeing Sanskrit some kind of runes or glyphs all over my friend's car that's just kind of breathing and warping and it's just beautiful so yeah that was the that was the first time and and once you've had that experience how do you go back to a world a normal kind of world if First time I ever did acid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've told you this before. | |
| I met Kurt Cobain. | ||
| How crazy was that? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Tell that story again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think I died this night, by the way. | |
| I have this new theory that... | ||
| This is what made me think of a theory that every time you die, you don't know that you died, but then you left this world and everyone else in this other parallel world, they think you died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They went to the funeral. | |
| This is where I thought this from was... | ||
| The first time I did Acid, me and my girlfriend at the time, that was Marissa, we went to go see... | ||
| Holla, Melissa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| We went to go see Nirvana, and she had Acid. | ||
| And I've never done Acid before. | ||
| She goes, let's do Acid and see Nirvana. | ||
| So we took Acid, and the opening band was on, which is some Asian band that just screamed the whole time, and it was like, you know, it's kind of like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know, annoying. | |
| So I was sitting next to the side of the stage and Kurt Cobain comes around the corner and just comes out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was really dark so no one could see it. | |
| And he's just standing right next to me. | ||
| I look over and I'm like, oh my fucking god, it's Kurt Cobain. | ||
| And I was like, hey, what's up? | ||
| And he goes, hey, what's up? | ||
| You want a Cheeto? | ||
| And he held out his bag, and I'm like, yeah. | ||
| And so I held on the Cheeto, and then suddenly he's just like, somebody goes, oh, Kurt! | ||
| And then he just throws all the Cheetos out in the crowd, and then it returns backstage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm holding this Cheeto, and I'm like... | |
| He threw the Cheetos in the crowd? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, like he had a bag of Cheetos that he was eating from. | |
| He just threw it at the crowd? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he just threw Cheetos everywhere. | |
| I mean, this is like a mosh pit in Dayton, Ohio. | ||
| You know, like, side of the stage, like a rock club, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hair Arena, I think it was. | |
| There's a fucking video of Dana White getting in a mosh pit. | ||
| Have you ever seen it? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, he went to a Rage Against the Machine concert. | ||
| The motherfucker got in a mosh pit. | ||
| He's got security guards looking out for him and shit. | ||
| He jumped in a mosh pit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So I took this Cheeto and I put it in my pocket. | |
| I'm like, I'm going to save this Cheeto. | ||
| And then I started tripping really hard. | ||
| It was an amazing concert. | ||
| On the way home, we're driving and we go by and I'm driving and this is a thunderstorm of rain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm still tripping. | |
| And you're tripping on acid. | ||
|
unidentified
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And I'm tripping on acid. | |
| Those are responsible citizens. | ||
| And then, this is even better, and I swear to God, you could ask her, I'm not going to say who she is on here, but we started fucking while I was driving in the rainstorm on acid for my first time. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You fucking baby killer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And that's where I think I died the first time. | |
| One of the first times I died. | ||
| It might be, man. | ||
| Yeah, you could have died. | ||
| Isn't that a theory that you said to me once? | ||
| Yeah, it's the idea that when you die... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think, yeah, you're the one who said that before. | |
| Yeah, it's a multiverse idea. | ||
| The idea is you're a fucking... | ||
| An eternal being. | ||
| You're an eternal being. | ||
| Your body is like a radio that tunes you in. | ||
| Tunes your specific personality in. | ||
| And the moment you die, that radio frequency pops into something else. | ||
| So there's no death. | ||
| It's not like you die and there's nothingness or emptiness. | ||
| And it's not like you die and you're born as a baby and get to start over again. | ||
| It's like something happens. | ||
| You're driving down the street and you're like, man, why is that guy in my... | ||
| And then all of a sudden you open your eyes and you're, you know... | ||
| Getting up, going to work. | ||
| Going to work. | ||
| You're like, man, that was a weird dream. | ||
| And then you start that life again. | ||
| It goes on forever like that. | ||
| The horrible idea, especially horrible to bring it up to anybody who's had poor fortune in this life, is to somehow or another connect it with past lives. | ||
| Have you ever heard someone say that? | ||
| Like, oh, he must have been a real fuckhead in his past life. | ||
| And it's like, wow, are you sure? | ||
| I mean, are you sure? | ||
| Could it just not be a roll of the dice? | ||
| And maybe part of your karma is recognizing that. | ||
| I think that, yeah, that's why I like the, you know, Buddha. | ||
| I like Buddha said, don't think about the afterlife so much. | ||
| I think even Christ said, I am the God of the living, not the God of the dead. | ||
| The idea being like... | ||
| I like how you did that with a voice. | ||
| Yeah, I am the God of the living! | ||
| It's a good... | ||
| I think real spiritual masters always tend to try to bring people back into the present moment because it's like, you know what? | ||
| The present moment is everything. | ||
| I know when shit goes wrong in my life, I know why it went wrong. | ||
| I don't have to go back to when I was a friar in the 1800s and fisted a fucking nun. | ||
| I know that if shit's going wrong right now, generally it's like, because I'm fucking up now. | ||
| And people can get lost. | ||
| People can start blaming their karma or where they're at right now on past lives, and it puts them in this place of stupid hopelessness, and they don't do the things they need to do right now to get to a better place. | ||
| Praise Jesus. | ||
| Praise the Lord! | ||
| Say his name. | ||
| So many fucking things. | ||
| Say his name. | ||
| So many simple things you could do, man. | ||
| Here's what you have to do. | ||
| This is my new theory. | ||
| Identify the vampire in your life. | ||
| Find the vampire. | ||
| Identify the parasite. | ||
| Well, it doesn't have to be that you have parasites in life. | ||
| It is possible that you could have gotten lucky and there's no parasites and you get off groovy. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| No, I'm not saying everyone's got one. | ||
| But if you got one. | ||
| If you're walking around with those fucking vampire blues, you've got the fucking heavy heart and you can't feel happy and you feel bad. | ||
| There may be an action that you need to take that you're afraid to take. | ||
| That's the vampire. | ||
| And you've got a fucking... | ||
| Not even a person. | ||
| Oh no, I mean, it's a situation. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| Find the vampire in your life. | ||
| Yeah, find the life-sucking situation that you're afraid to kill. | ||
| And the reason I say vampire is because vampires only go where they're invited. | ||
| And generally, the situation that you're in, you invited it in. | ||
| You invited this thing into your life, and now it's sucking your life energy and your blood and your happiness away. | ||
| A lot of times, you'll try to believe, you'll try to convince yourself that this thing is not a vampire. | ||
| But in your heart, you know you're a servant to a fucking bloodsucker. | ||
| You're a Renfeld. | ||
| This thing is like sucking your life essence away. | ||
| Sometimes it's doing it with a trade. | ||
| Quite often they'll be a bad trade. | ||
| You'll be, you know, whatever the situation you're in, you'll feel like you're in the situation, you know, it's worth it, it's kind of bad, but it's totally worth it. | ||
| This happens with jobs quite often, you know, where you're like, well, you know, but it's good enough. | ||
| That's the vampire. | ||
| You gotta take a fucking steak. | ||
| And drive it into its heart. | ||
| How do you kill a vampire? | ||
| Two ways. | ||
| Direct action. | ||
| You don't kill a vampire by, like, making up with a vampire. | ||
| You don't kill a vampire by, like, having a sit-down talk with a vampire. | ||
| You're not gonna be able to, like, you know, make friends with a vampire. | ||
| There's two ways to kill a vampire. | ||
| One, you fucking, you know, put a stake in its heart. | ||
| The other one is light. | ||
| Sunlight. | ||
| Truth! | ||
| Light! | ||
| It's the greatest metaphor of all time. | ||
| You shine the light of truth onto the situation, fearlessly analyze it, and then you'll destroy it. | ||
| Because if you really allow yourself to... | ||
| If you can act. | ||
| You gotta act. | ||
| The real problem with people is not recognizing the enemy. | ||
| It's acting on that enemy. | ||
| That's the real problem. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And that enemy being personal. | ||
| Your personal demons. | ||
| Your personal jihad. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Your personal issue. | ||
| You've got to fight the beast. | ||
| And you know what I mean? | ||
| And everybody's beast is different. | ||
| Chapter 2 of the Bhagavad Gita. | ||
| Arjuna's dejection. | ||
| Arjuna is drawn between these two forces. | ||
| He does not want to fight. | ||
| He drops his bow and God says to him, rise to the fight. | ||
| Fight. | ||
| You're a warrior. | ||
| This is what you're here for. | ||
| Fight. | ||
| It's better to die. | ||
| It's better to die in a righteous battle than go skulking off into the fucking woods and be a beggar. | ||
| It's better to fucking do what you do when you're a warrior. | ||
| You gotta fucking do it, man. | ||
| It fucking sucks. | ||
| When you're drunk and you want to throw up and you try to not make yourself throw up, just throw up. | ||
| You'll feel better. | ||
| You'll feel better in the end. | ||
| When you're puking, it's gonna suck because you're helpless and you can't breathe. | ||
| go through it man fucking jab a fucking knife into the foot not literally of course but yeah you gotta act and you gotta make the big fucking decisions sometimes and it's scary if it wasn't scary it wouldn't be worth anything yeah for some people it's almost like they don't know how to start They know that there's action they need to take in their life, but they're paralyzed trying to think about it, trying to figure out how to start. | ||
| And they can never gather up the courage to get away. | ||
| That's why a lot of people stay in abusive relationships. | ||
| They don't have the courage to leave. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Because it's scary and it seems like there's so many things that people will, like, ideas people will create that will keep you trapped in whatever prison you're in. | ||
| It's very similar to... | ||
| What you're talking about in the UFC, with these fucking fighters, this is a visual representation of what anyone can do in their life. | ||
| Not all of us are going to, obviously, be world-class fighters in a ring in front of the entire planet and fucking knock someone out. | ||
| But you have, in your life right now, if you haven't already done this, you have the chance to be heroic. | ||
| You have the ability right now to make a heroic act that could kill you. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| These actions, it's not always guaranteed that because you do the right thing, you're going to end up in a great place. | ||
| You might end up fucked. | ||
| You might end up temporarily homeless, or you might end up temporarily jobless. | ||
| If there wasn't risk associated with it, you would have already done it. | ||
| That's the point. | ||
| If there wasn't risk associated with it, it wouldn't be worth anything. | ||
| If Mount fucking... | ||
| You know, if the Himalayas were, you know, a little grass-covered hill in a park, nobody would take pictures of them at the top putting a flag into it. | ||
| The danger makes it heroic, you know? | ||
| So, sometimes you just have to fucking... | ||
| I sound like Tony Robbins. | ||
| Take the leap! | ||
| Kill the vampire in your life! | ||
| Kill the vampire in your life is a brilliant speech, dude. | ||
| You're dead right. | ||
| I stopped you because I'm like, not everybody has a bad person in your life, but I didn't know that that's what you mean. | ||
| You're absolutely dead right. | ||
| I always say that the energy vampires that you have in your life are really your number one enemy. | ||
| They keep you from enjoying good times. | ||
| Everybody knows that one person where you settle down and you're like, Finally I can fucking relax and you turn on the television and then someone for whatever fucking reason will decide that they have to talk to you now and they want to get angry at you now. | ||
| It could be a guy or a girl, whoever the fuck it is. | ||
| It's one person that wants to, they want to have power over you somehow or another and they want to stop you from doing what you want to do. | ||
| There are people that have issues in relationships because one of the people in the relationship has some sort of a transparent issue with the other person. | ||
| And what they try to do is they try to control that person from doing things that they want to do. | ||
| Anytime the guy wants to go play basketball or something like that. | ||
| They come up with a reason why now is the time I would really like you to take me shopping or now is the time. | ||
| It's almost like they want to see if they can drag you away from the thing that you like to do, thus proving that they're the most important thing in your life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you know what, man? | ||
| That's fucking sad. | ||
| Well, you know what it is. | ||
| It's instincts. | ||
| It's instincts. | ||
| This is how a girl will behave if you don't keep the pimp hands strong. | ||
| And that's a fact. | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| The only reason why girls get away with stuff like that is because guys let them get away with it. | ||
| Just like, you know, the real issue with guys being douchebags to girls, of course, is the physical violence issue. | ||
| It's not fair. | ||
| It's not fair if you're, you know, if you're fucking two chicks getting in a fight with each other, you know, two lesbians, and you're basically the same size, you know, hey, you know, I don't want you to fight, but... | ||
| I don't know why you're fighting, but hopefully you got a good reason. | ||
| But it's not a mugging. | ||
| It's not a man beating up a woman. | ||
| So physical fights are completely out of the question. | ||
| Out of the question. | ||
| And then what else is left? | ||
| What else is left? | ||
| Trying to explain each other to each other? | ||
| Arguing with each other? | ||
| Trying to piece it all together? | ||
| Not understanding their side at all? | ||
| We certainly have to protect people from that kind of violence. | ||
| That's one of the ways that we know there's some sort of a weird disconnect between what we're capable of and the way we currently behave as a human race. | ||
| The fact that it's even possible that we have a real issue with men beating the fuck out of women. | ||
| That's a real issue. | ||
| Women who get in relationships and get beat up. | ||
| That's terrifying, man. | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| That's scary shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's scary. | ||
| There was a girl that I dated when I was in high school, and she was really crazy. | ||
| She had super strict Catholic parents, and she was really pretty. | ||
| She was just nuts, man. | ||
| We didn't see each other for years, and then one time I was at this... | ||
| It might have even been years. | ||
| It may have been months. | ||
| I might be exaggerating. | ||
| But I hadn't seen her in a long time. | ||
| When you're 17 years old, six months might as well be fucking years. | ||
| Things are accelerating. | ||
| You're graduating from high school. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And I met her and she was telling me that she had this new boyfriend that hit her and that she liked it. | ||
| It was the craziest conversation. | ||
| And I was like, whoa. | ||
| And first of all, I was thinking, thank God I never hit her. | ||
| Because what if I liked it too? | ||
| What if you date a girl and she would totally start fights and totally do shit to piss me off, but I never thought she wanted to get hit. | ||
| You can't hit a girl. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
|
unidentified
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Like hitting the face or hitting the vagina? | |
| She likes to get smacked. | ||
| She likes to get smacked in the face. | ||
| She likes to get rocked. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy, but she was telling me that she didn't understand it. | ||
| No, she was not rationalizing it. | ||
| Oh, you're talking about... | ||
| No, she was being really honest with me. | ||
| She was like, I'm so confused. | ||
| You're talking about S&M? She wasn't a dumb girl. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Talking about a dude basically just smacking her around and fucking her like really rough and beating her up. | ||
| Some girls actually like that. | ||
| There's like a weird thing in them that wants... | ||
| I mean, obviously, they don't want to get injured, but they want to get roughed up. | ||
| They want to just get hair pulling and smacked in the head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| And this girl was like into getting smacked. | ||
| It was like really crazy to hear. | ||
| I was like, I don't know what to say. | ||
| I'm like, you know what I said to her? | ||
| I said, listen, you can only get hit so many times in the head before you get brain damage. | ||
| You really have to consider that. | ||
| Sounds like that already happened. | ||
| I said, this guy's fucking you all the time, and every time he's fucking you, he's hitting you in the head. | ||
| I'm like, do you have headaches? | ||
| I started asking her things I asked fighters. | ||
| Like, do you get headaches? | ||
| How do you sleep at night? | ||
| Like I'm a brain doctor or some shit. | ||
| I was like, you can't let that dude hit you in the head. | ||
| But for whatever reason, it turned her on. | ||
| Can you imagine having to tell someone, you shouldn't let that guy hit you in the head. | ||
| Well, no, man, because, you know, what's confusing is guys can be, like, super loving after they do it because they feel terrible, and then they're, like, really, really, really affectionate. | ||
| Yeah, they're really affectionate. | ||
| Some of them aren't even that, you know, but with a lot of people, they're the ones that, like, get drunk and blame it on getting drunk, and that's why they're abusing each other. | ||
| It's a sad world out there and there's a lot of sad homes in America. | ||
| There's a lot of sad, sad... | ||
| It's just broken people. | ||
| It's broken people interacting with each other. | ||
| It's broken people interacting with each other. | ||
| All could be fixed with mushrooms. | ||
| With the Duncan Trussell Shamanic Institute of America. | ||
| We propose to correct all of these problems with plants. | ||
| That'd be great. | ||
| And the wisdom of the indigenous people of the Amazon rainforest. | ||
| For a combination of chanting and fleshlights, we will transform your... | ||
| Well, the fleshlight use is mandatory when you're meditating at my ashram because I don't want anybody horny. | ||
| I don't want, like, while you're in there and you're, you know, you're supposed to be doing your alms, you're thinking about getting your dick sucked. | ||
| But you know what, man? | ||
| You know, like, the way, like, I read this great autobiography of Timothy Leary, and they were talking about, I can't remember the name of the famous house that he lived at, but where they were all tripping out and, like, constantly taking LSD. They would do this. | ||
| They were all swingers. | ||
| So there'd be, like, guys and girls there. | ||
| Guys banging guys. | ||
| They were, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Occasionally. | ||
| I think so, yeah. | ||
| I think they're awful. | ||
| But I think Timothy Leary is pretty straight. | ||
| He was always dating models and shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why America hated him. | ||
| A bunch of haters. | ||
| But what they would do is they would have this weird thing. | ||
| Because what they were trying to do is they were trying to dissolve the reality. | ||
| They were trying to dissolve... | ||
| All the fucking ego constructs, of which one of them is monogamy. | ||
| Monogamy is an ego construct where you want to be the only person who is fucking the person that you're with, and they want you to be the only person to be fucking them. | ||
| This is like a basic way that most people enter into relationships. | ||
| So what these guys would do is they would have married couples, and what they would do is randomly Two people would be picked, a man and a woman, to go into this bowling alley that they had, and they would stay there for like three days straight and just take acid the whole time. | ||
| And they would always end up fucking. | ||
| I bet there was a lot of babies where nobody knew who the father was. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| That I'm sure that happened all the time. | ||
| Well, that was McKenna's idea, was that an orgiastic mushroom cultures that existed in his, you know, I really think that's kind of, a lot of it was his imagination of what could have been possible. | ||
| Because it doesn't seem like that you really explain exactly what these people were doing, you know, 10,000 years ago in Choctaw, Hyuk, and all these different places. | ||
| But he had this idea that they developed this sort of an orgiastic mushroom style of living. | ||
| And then people would get together and they would just come. | ||
| So they would raise each other's kids. | ||
| They would all be loving each other and all taking care of each other's kids. | ||
| And I'm like, wow, that's kind of trippy. | ||
| It makes me think. | ||
| Could you live in a world like that? | ||
| We all are just automatically possessive of our loved ones, our sexual partners, your wives and boyfriends and husbands. | ||
| And it feels terrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, yeah, it does. | ||
| But it also feels great when you have each other to count on and you have this really cool relationship and you know each other well. | ||
| Oh, no, that's fantastic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But the idea that someone like you're connected, like you're not even allowed to touch another body. | ||
| Like everyone else is like, get away, get away, get away! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get away, you're connected, you're connected to the You're connected to the one. | |
| Think how that feels, man. | ||
| Strange. | ||
| The feeling that inspires that is not a loving feeling. | ||
| It's a fucking fear feeling. | ||
| No, it's because men and women have completely different wiring. | ||
| And for a lot of women, and not all of them, some women just want dick all around every corner. | ||
| Some women, and that's their prerogative, man. | ||
| If you're young and hot and you want dick around every corner, you should be able to get it. | ||
| Like, what is that bad? | ||
| What, it's only good when you fuck her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, that's not bad. | |
| People are goddamn crazy. | ||
| They really are. | ||
| Like, there's a fucking whore. | ||
| If she was fucking you, you'd be like, I got so lucky, dude. | ||
| We had one smile. | ||
| And she goes, you want to come up to my room? | ||
| I said yes. | ||
| You know, like, how come when you score, it's awesome, and when she scores with other dudes, she's a fucking whore? | ||
| Well, I'll tell you why. | ||
| The reason that is, is because our descendants were fucking sexually oppressed psychopaths, and we still have that in us. | ||
| And I know there's a genetic... | ||
| It's a little of that, but it's also that we know that girls that are freaks like that, it's a rare thing. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| It's probably a weird combative thing. | ||
| I think women are getting a really shitty position where they gotta feel bad if they fuck a few guys. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that's not fair, and I know some of it's genetic, but I know... | ||
| Well, every relationship gets stale. | ||
| Taking out the idea, the genetic idea why men want to reproduce with as many women as possible. | ||
| Even if you didn't have that instinctive nature, there's still the idea that being with one person would just get stale. | ||
| Imagine this. | ||
| Somehow from your mind is removed all the negative or weird or strange connotations about sex. | ||
| Now sex is just a physical experience of oneness with another person. | ||
| So there's no – nothing from the zeitgeist has been put in your head. | ||
| Now imagine eating mushrooms and all of a sudden being in the experience of having sex with a group of people with zero sexual inhibitions, with zero guilt. | ||
| Just pure hedonistic pleasure as you sort of merge. | ||
| This I completely agree with in the terms of like a utopian society. | ||
| But the way our world runs, it's like my thoughts on it have always been, and my advice has always been, that when you find someone who you really enjoy hanging out with, hang out with them. | ||
| And whatever... | ||
| If you get to a point where you really trust them and you're really honest with each other and you're really enjoying each other, find out what bothers that person. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Is there a genetic thing that you have maybe that I don't have? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Yeah, I don't like me. | ||
| And if you can do that, if you can find someone you really sync up with and you actually enhance each other, Then the relationships are fucking beautiful. | ||
| The real problem is most people, they're not even into exploring their own consciousness. | ||
| They're not into exploring the origin of their own thoughts. | ||
| They're not really into self-examination. | ||
| They're not really into a lot of different things that lead to sometimes problematic conversations that you have. | ||
| Especially when they have a commodity and the commodity is that they're an attractive woman. | ||
| And you're in some sort of a weird situation where there's a master over you. | ||
| It also depends on the way you get into the thing. | ||
| If you look at the entry mechanism into these things, quite often it's purely based on physicality. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The problem is that the drug of sex, it's really exciting and thrilling to get to the I love you part as quick as possible so the sex can get really intense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that is one of the things that happens when you really love someone. | ||
| You can fuck someone that you think is hot and it's like a sexual thing and it's a real big turn on. | ||
| But it's not like fucking someone that's hot that you love. | ||
| It's just not the same. | ||
| Oh yeah, and that first awesome time when you're just getting into a relationship where the person says, I think I'm falling in love with you and you've been feeling that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, oh my god. | |
| Holy shit, man! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fireworks! | |
| It's the greatest! | ||
| So for some people, they'll look for an artificial that. | ||
| If you get lucky and you actually do have that, wow, that's so lucky. | ||
| The stars have to align. | ||
| So many people get in situations where the person they're with is just a little off, man. | ||
| Just whatever it is. | ||
| Just a little off. | ||
| Have you ever seen that awful, what I consider to be the most grotesque experiment of all time where the fucking, they took a monkey, a little baby monkey, and they gave him a wire. | ||
| Oh, I did. | ||
| Yeah, I don't even want to talk about this. | ||
| It disturbs me so much. | ||
| They covered a fucking, like a little box with fur. | ||
| Yeah, and the fucking thing's clinging to it. | ||
| See, now here's the thing. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Some people, but a lot of people are in that relationship where they're clinging to something that's not even real and they've tricked themselves into thinking that... | ||
| And the real issue is the root, the other person. | ||
| The real issue is the people that are raising these people. | ||
| The real issue is how everyone starts out neutral with whatever blend of personality. | ||
| I bet almost every kid, unless they have some serious neurological difficulties, almost every kid could be rendered a positive human being by the right people. | ||
| They're surrounded by the right people. | ||
| What we're doing is by putting the most important thing for the resources of the human race, the youthful people developing into contributing members of society who can Actually add to the culture, add to the experience, add to the process. | ||
| And we're putting the development of our most valuable resource in the hands of everyone and anyone, including retards, morons, assholes, douchebags, fuckheads, everyone in between. | ||
| There's a bunch of crazy motherfuckers shitting out kids every day, and you can't say anything about it because then you're Hitler. | ||
| And then, you know, are you a fan of eugenics? | ||
| Do you know how that didn't work in the past? | ||
| Guess what else isn't working? | ||
| This! | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| This overpopulation by monkeys isn't working either. | ||
| Well, that's why you got to be a bit of a – I mean, if you start waking up to – Yeah, we got to wake all these people up and figure out a way to reevaluate – I mean, not reevaluate, but reset people's minds, to reset people's – whatever it is that your operating system is – wherever it's failing. | ||
| You know sometimes I'll get these really fucking flattering tweets from people who listen to this. | ||
| I'm like, man, I wish I had friends like you guys in my hometown to talk to. | ||
| And that's really a super sweet thing to say. | ||
| But I always think to myself, you know what? | ||
| Why don't you go make some? | ||
| Why don't you fucking turn into a... | ||
| I know it's hard. | ||
| It's hard, man. | ||
| Especially once you get out of high school. | ||
| If you're in a small town. | ||
| I don't mean go make some in the sense of like... | ||
| I don't mean... | ||
| No, I mean... | ||
| It's a wicker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like baskets? | |
| No, not... | ||
| A wicker! | ||
| Why don't you go weave a friend? | ||
| No, I'm saying what you do is... | ||
| You gotta be the force that maybe throws somebody off their track. | ||
| You might have to be the thing that does that. | ||
| The people I owe the most to are the people who manage to fucking knock me off my track. | ||
| Manage to fucking bring to me music I'd never heard before. | ||
| Show to me books I'd never heard before. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, that steers you out of the fucking public sector. | ||
| Well, that's what you're doing. | ||
| That's what you're doing right now. | ||
| What you're doing right now is doing that exact same thing to all these hundreds of thousands of people that are listening to this. | ||
| It's the exact same thing. | ||
| You're doing what you're saying has always been greatest in your life. | ||
| You're introducing ideas into people's heads that they probably never would have come up with. | ||
| Or might not have come up with today. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Given the right amount of experience and time, anybody could probably... | ||
| That's the idea that thoughts aren't your own. | ||
| You're just tuning into them like some sort of a... | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Well, that's the idea. | ||
| But is that it? | ||
| Because I've struggled with that. | ||
| Because I like it. | ||
| It sounds beautiful. | ||
| It sounds kind of spooky and crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it also makes me think, I wonder if it's just that the mechanism for retrieving really good, interesting, creative ideas, that the mechanism for thinking, you have to have all your resources, all your facilitating resources, so the ego has to be fucking completely quiet. | ||
| And if the ego is not completely quiet, the ego is like, I'm going to get some fucking new clothes so I can look slick. | ||
| And I'm thinking about getting a nose ring. | ||
| Nose rings are pretty hot. | ||
| Chicks are really into that. | ||
| I wonder if my hair would be cooler if it was blonde. | ||
| And you start really tweaking. | ||
| Your ego starts wigging out on your... | ||
| Maybe I should get myself a new Cadillac. | ||
| Chicks dig that shit. | ||
| And you start, you know, fucking, I'm tired of being the VP at work. | ||
| I'm going to step it up this year. | ||
| And I'm going to demand the fucking, you know, you start getting crazy, ego-y. | ||
| And it like, it cuts out all the noise. | ||
| I mean, it makes, it creates too much noise. | ||
| And the creative mind, the zen mind, the humble mind, there's not enough resources. | ||
| So this is a, you know, you use this tool. | ||
| And this tool is to say, oh, I'll just pretend they're not even my thoughts. | ||
| I'm just tuning them into the universe. | ||
| I'm so humble. | ||
| So what you're doing is, with this philosophy, like putting it through this filter, you've just shut your fucking nasty, stupid ego up. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| By saying that you're just a vessel and you're just tuning these things in. | ||
| Well, yeah, and you know what, man? | ||
| And I'm not arguing now. | ||
| I'm saying it's like either or, right? | ||
| Here's how I look at it. | ||
| Or it's not either or. | ||
| Whatever fucking vehicle you need to use to get to the point where the thing's turned off, use it. | ||
| If you need to conceptualize it by thinking you're connecting with some kind of super intelligent consciousness that just wants the planet to be happier because it doesn't want the planet to die and it's giving its own voice to as many people as allow it to. | ||
| Whatever that, that's a vehicle. | ||
| What that is, any ideology like that, it's a vehicle for you managing happiness. | ||
| It's a vehicle, you know? | ||
| And so when you get in a fucking bus to get to point A, B, or C, it's not the bus, it's the point that you're getting to. | ||
| Use the vehicle. | ||
| Use whatever mechanism you have to use to dissolve your ego to the point where you're not going to turn into a fucking dick. | ||
| Because the moment you start claiming ownership over whatever it is, man, I think the most obvious version of it is super attractive people who act like they deserve it, who act like they've done something for it. | ||
| Yeah, that's unfortunate. | ||
| Think how ugly that makes it. | ||
| It's gross. | ||
| It makes them ugly. | ||
| It's so sad when really pretty girls say nasty shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You just want to say, like, God, do you know how fucking lucky you are to be as pretty as you are? | ||
| You should be, like, so happy all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To shit on what another girl looks like? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And it makes them ugly. | ||
| It's so unfortunate because of all the shit you could talk about, like, when a really hot chick shits on a girl for not being so pretty, like, wow, that's like, damn. | ||
| But, dude, what is more deadly and attractive than a super hot girl... | ||
| Who doesn't care that she's super hot. | ||
| Who's managed to overcome all the fucking years of being worshipped by people. | ||
| And it's just normal and cool. | ||
| That's a heart crusher. | ||
| The problem with that girl is she's not going to be one of nine wives in the cult. | ||
| She's too fucking smart. | ||
| Thinking for herself and shit. | ||
| My post-apocalyptic cult, she'll have no place. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| You can make her the high priestess of the cult, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I like the way that goes. | ||
| The idea is you just got to fucking... | ||
| The idea is don't get caught up in ownership. | ||
| Well, the idea is continue to advance and always analyze. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Observe. | |
| Look at all the people around you. | ||
| Look at all the different influences, all the different things you can draw from online. | ||
| Take what is useful. | ||
| Analyze yourself. | ||
| It's a process. | ||
| We're all a part of this process. | ||
| You and I have both seen each other evolve. | ||
| We just don't really realize it as much because we've evolved together. | ||
| But if we went back in time 10 years ago to when we met, when did we meet? | ||
| It was about 10 years ago. | ||
| A little over that, I think, really. | ||
| Yeah, it might have been like 2001 or something. | ||
| Wasn't like even before that, dude. | ||
| I knew you before 9-11. | ||
| Joe, I bet you don't remember this. | ||
| I remember the first time I met you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yes. | ||
| This was when I was Corey's assistant at the comedy store. | ||
| And I was sitting next to you. | ||
| And you were... | ||
| I think you had... | ||
| This was right around when you just started smoking weed. | ||
| You were kind of a marijuana... | ||
| Starting to become a marijuana advocate at this time. | ||
| But it wasn't... | ||
| This was way... | ||
| It's called my annoying face. | ||
| No, but it was really funny. | ||
| Yeah, it was an annoying thing. | ||
| It was really funny because I was sitting... | ||
| Come on, man! | ||
| No, I was sitting next to you. | ||
| And at the time, I went through this being a marijuana advocate phase a few years before. | ||
| But I remember sitting next to you and we were talking about weed. | ||
| And as a joke, because I didn't know you that way. | ||
| You didn't know me. | ||
| And as a dumb joke, I was like, man, weed should be illegal. | ||
| And you shot me this fucking look, man. | ||
| You were like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You should make an accent. | |
| Because you thought... | ||
| He put some fake dreadlocks. | ||
| He put a mop on his head. | ||
| He was all Gary Oldman. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| I said it should be illegal. | ||
| And you seemed so pissed. | ||
| And then Corey was like, shut up, shut up. | ||
| Don't say anything. | ||
| Because we didn't know each other. | ||
| And I could have seemed like a real asshole at the time. | ||
| I don't remember that at all. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You might just be a little paranoid. | ||
| I think you tuned me out. | ||
| I probably went, ugh. | ||
| I don't think I got angry with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You didn't get angry. | |
| I probably just seemed like an annoying idiot. | ||
| You're probably like, how dare you? | ||
| I was making a joke out of the blue. | ||
| One of two things. | ||
| Either you were trying to make a joke, which would be not funny, and I would be bored with it. | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| Or I'd be like, what an asshole. | ||
| I think it was the former. | ||
| But then after that, we started talking on the phone, and we'd start having conversations like this on the phone. | ||
| Duncan and I used to have these fucking 45-minute phone calls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'd call him up. | ||
| Because Duncan was the dude who, like, you'd say, hey, I can work Tuesday through Thursday this week. | ||
| He'd go, okay, cool. | ||
| And then they'd get together and create a schedule. | ||
| You'd call Duncan, would get your avail. | ||
| So me and Duncan just started talking on the phone. | ||
| I don't know what started it off. | ||
| We'd have these crazy-ass 45-minute fucking, while he's working at the comedy store. | ||
| And every now and then I'd be like, oh, hold on a second, dude, sorry. | ||
| He'd put me on hold. | ||
| I'd have to answer some other phone call. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd see you both laying in your bed with your little Swatch phones. | |
| Both baked as fuck. | ||
| Doug was high on the job every goddamn day he worked there. | ||
| It was a natural progression for me to stay high on the job doing Fear Factor as well. | ||
| Everybody was high when they were working. | ||
| That's how you got through work. | ||
| When you started working there, I remember you went through this little struggle where you wanted to be a comic, but they didn't take you seriously while you're still working there. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I had to go. | ||
| You had to kill the vampire, man. | ||
| You had to kill the fucking vampire there. | ||
| Anytime you fucking kill that vampire, if you survive, flowers will rain from heaven on your life. | ||
| Flowers will bloom, man. | ||
| You can get better. | ||
| Everybody can get better. | ||
| We can all advance and move forward. | ||
| But you gotta be positive as fuck. | ||
| Don't be convinced that you have anything figured out, whether it's the secret or Buddhism or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Don't be convinced, man. | ||
| Don't be convinced. | ||
| This world might be entirely made up of imagination. | ||
| It might be. | ||
| It might be entirely made up of imagination. | ||
| The more time moves forward, the more I wonder if there's a theory, and I believe that you were the first one to introduce me to this theory as well, the theory that your life, the world that you live in, is really something that your own mind has created. | ||
| And as you get older and your body starts to slowly deteriorate and progress towards death in your own particular universe, that's when the shit hits the fan and it all goes down. | ||
| And you've managed to manufacture this idea inside your mind that the life you experience is an actual real life, when what it really is, is just a series of events that have been tied together to prepare you for the next stage of existence. | ||
| That's right, man. | ||
| And the more that you can let go of your attachments to this particular life and become the thing that is throughout the evolutionary cycle, then the less traumatic death will be. | ||
| Can you imagine if that really does get proved someday? | ||
| And everybody will be like, what? | ||
| Your imagination controls your fucking life? | ||
| God damn it! | ||
| I could have made a fucking awesome life! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just fucked up and rewired everything all wrong! | |
| I made this shitty life! | ||
| Could you imagine if that was really the case? | ||
| You believed what the fucking... | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| It would be such evil information that people wouldn't even want it to get out. | ||
| That would be a religious issue. | ||
| People might withhold that. | ||
| They found out that we are, in reality, architects of our own world, our own universe. | ||
| And that each one of us is actually that thing. | ||
| Well, here's a weird idea. | ||
| Imagine there's a hell, and the only way that you could keep the people in hell was making sure that they didn't realize that at any second they could turn that hell into heaven. | ||
| You had to keep them oblivious to this idea. | ||
| You would realize that the thing you're talking about, the things that obscure the light, so to speak, of making people's lives great, it's like TV. It's the media. | ||
| Every time you turn the fucking TV on, it's showing you death and destruction. | ||
| When you turn on the radio, they're talking about wars and bombs. | ||
| Everywhere you go, look, it's darkness, darkness and darkness. | ||
| It's like people are really trying to keep our consciousness focused on the dark instead of on the light. | ||
| But if there was a global movement to try to get people's minds to shift from the obsession with death and all the forms of negativity that so many people are focused on and to turn their minds towards the beauty And towards friendship and towards healthy sex and towards embracing each other, then really this entire planet could transform into some version of heaven, I think. | ||
| A form of paradise. | ||
| Ultimately and eventually, but right now? | ||
| How long is it going to take? | ||
| I think it's going to take... | ||
| Something's going to have to happen, right? | ||
| Well, it's some form of invention. | ||
| We either get an invention, we get an alien, or we get destruction. | ||
| To quote Morrissey, if it's not love, it's the bomb that'll bring us together. | ||
| That would be awesome if you didn't quote Morrissey. | ||
| I'm sorry, but it's a great fucking quote! | ||
| He said it, man! | ||
| What is his real name? | ||
| What is his real name? | ||
| Is that his real name? | ||
| Don't ask me that. | ||
| Every goth on the planet is going to hate me forever if I can't answer that right away. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think his name is Morrissey. | ||
| It would be a really cool quote if he just said his name, not just Morrissey. | ||
| You know, maybe it's Ronald, Ronald Morrissey? | ||
| Ronald Morrissey? | ||
| I hope so! | ||
| Stacey. | ||
| What, Gary Morrissey? | ||
| You know, it's a more legitimate quote, though. | ||
| It's so funny how Morrissey would never have gotten... | ||
| It's like one name, like a rapper. | ||
| He never would have gotten famous if on his albums it said Gary. | ||
| Dude, have you heard Gary? | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Gary's kind of a mystic. | ||
| I have a mystic. | ||
| His name is Gary. | ||
| No, your mystic has been named Abadan Shalfalakan. | ||
| Oh, he's got to be that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's Steven, actually. | |
| Yogi Ramacharaka. | ||
| Yogi Ramacharaka. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's Steven, by the way. | |
| Steven. | ||
| I knew someone who... | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| I knew someone who got really into yoga and changed her name. | ||
| She insisted you call her by her new name. | ||
| I think there's a usefulness... | ||
| A yoga name. | ||
| I understand that. | ||
| I think there's a usefulness to that. | ||
| I think that there's a... | ||
| Reinvention. | ||
| That's a good tool, man. | ||
| And I understand why people do that. | ||
| Because if you think about your name and where it came from... | ||
| Like, we're not getting named in the way people used to get named. | ||
| People used to get named on... | ||
| You know, based on their actions and stuff. | ||
| The real name would come later. | ||
| We get named on what some fucking... | ||
| 22-year-old dope decided that the little pink wriggling thing that you were should be called, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to name after my great-grandfather. | |
| Is that why you were named after Duncan? | ||
| I don't know where... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were named after Donuts. | |
| I don't know where the name came from, but I do understand this idea of, like, rebirth, or the idea of, like, once you get knocked off track, why not go really deep and fucking just rename yourself altogether? | ||
| That is the best cult speech I've ever heard in my life. | ||
| That's the way to get people to really drink that Kool-Aid. | ||
| Just jump in. | ||
| Balls first. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Go for it. | ||
| Just get in there, son. | ||
| Well, take the big jump. | ||
| Change your name into a crazy new name. | ||
| Your name's Duncan, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I was Joey Diaz, you've been Duncan since you were a fucking baby! | |
| Now all of a sudden you want to change governments? | ||
| Well, I mean, look at fucking Cat Stevens. | ||
| Yeah, that's not a good example. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy asshole. | |
| Supporting the fucking murder of Salman Rushdie. | ||
| Get out of here, man. | ||
| Or Prince. | ||
| You're an artist. | ||
| Didn't work for Prince. | ||
| Prince did it for recording rights reasons. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, he had an issue with them owning his name. | ||
| I don't think it always works, but I think sometimes I do. | ||
| I can understand the usefulness of it as a tool. | ||
| I can understand it as a way to create the differentiation between the person that you were in your earlier phases and who you've become. | ||
| I don't think it's always good. | ||
| I think if people allow me to name them, I will name them beautiful names that they'll be quite pleased with. | ||
| How crazy is it that Prince changed his name to a fucking symbol? | ||
| What an amazing move that was. | ||
| Really an amazing move. | ||
| Amazing move. | ||
| I mean, that's how you get out of a legal contract. | ||
| You're not even a name anymore. | ||
| You're just some fucking squiggly crazy thing. | ||
| You know, I mean, the language of contracts is so ridiculous in the first place. | ||
| The idea that there's anything you could ever sign away where that person owned you and your likeness. | ||
| How the fuck can you sell that? | ||
| You don't own that anymore? | ||
| You can't use your own likeness? | ||
| Now you have to use this crazy symbol? | ||
| Like, really? | ||
| Fucking signature? | ||
| Just, like, the signing shit? | ||
| Yeah, like, you give up that name. | ||
| You give up the name Prince or Duncan Trussell, you know? | ||
| Especially if it was, like, a Larry the Cable Guy thing where it was, like, a name you made up. | ||
| That's a property. | ||
| An intellectual property. | ||
| My first name is Charles. | ||
| My name is Charles. | ||
| Jesus Christ, dude. | ||
| You just fucked up, man. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Charles Duncan Trussell is now the latest name on Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Charles. | |
| Right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh, shh, shh. | |
| What's wrong with that? | ||
| The problem is that guy's going to confuse everybody. | ||
| He's going to have a picture of you that looks exactly like your Twitter picture. | ||
| And when you change it, he's just going to copy it and paste it. | ||
| Make his own Twitter picture. | ||
| Don't do this. | ||
| This always comes with some mystery hacker. | ||
| You're instructing people right now. | ||
| Every time you have an issue, he's going to know a little bit more of how to fix your issue. | ||
| And he's going to give you some awesome advice. | ||
| And you're going to start really getting freaked out as to how this fake Duncan Trussell really knows how to manage the real Duncan Trussell's life. | ||
| And then you're eventually just going to We live under the assumption that this fake Twitter account, Charles Duncan Trussell, is actually the universe giving you advice through Twitter. | ||
| Can't wait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Charles. | |
| I can't wait to meet my true self. | ||
| You're not going to get to meet him. | ||
| You're going to get to communicate with him online. | ||
| But Charles Duncan Trussell will be giving you information. | ||
| So what's about to happen? | ||
| So Joe, are you about to start a Twitter account? | ||
| No, I'm not doing shit. | ||
| The universe is going to do this for us. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Charles Duncan Trussell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And now you have three names. | |
| So what you have to do is now, you know, you have various untold issues in your life. | ||
| I'm sure we all do. | ||
| Get online and tweet them. | ||
| And then say, Charles Duncan Trussell, what should I do now? | ||
| And it's like calling him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like Candyman, Candyman, Candyman. | |
| And he'll come with awesome advice. | ||
| Names are so stupid. | ||
| Charles. | ||
| I picked Duncan when I was a kid. | ||
| My name's Joe. | ||
| It's like about as boring as it gets. | ||
| Yeah, I started off as a Charles, and then my parents, I think, started just calling me Dunk. | ||
| And then I decided I wanted to be called Duncan instead of Charles. | ||
| And so then that's when I became Duncan. | ||
| Maybe it's because you knew that one day you would work with Fleischer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it wasn't even your head. | |
| So it's not even your middle name? | ||
| It's my middle name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, they just added it later? | |
| No. | ||
| Sometimes, for some reason, in the West, when we name people, we'll give them three names. | ||
| It won't just be a first and a last. | ||
| It'll be like... | ||
| Joseph James Rogan. | ||
| Joseph James Rogan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So you get these extra names for some reason. | |
| The whole thing's just idiotic. | ||
| Brian Howell, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brian Allen. | |
| Brian Allen. | ||
| B-A-R. So yeah, you gotta fucking pick this name. | ||
| You can choose your middle name or your first name. | ||
| Even the fact that there is a first name. | ||
| And some people, they're so narcissistic, they just name their kids after themselves. | ||
| And that's where you run into seconds and thirds? | ||
| George Foreman. | ||
| George Foreman named all his kids George. | ||
| Echoes. | ||
| So now you're making echoes. | ||
| Little fucking genetic echoes named after you. | ||
| It's just a terrible thing to put into someone's mind. | ||
| Yeah, my whole family is completely unoriginal. | ||
| I was Joe. | ||
| My father's name was Joe. | ||
| My grandfather's name was Joe. | ||
| My grandmother's name was Josephine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, completely unoriginal. | ||
| Just, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's a very odd thing. | ||
| Well, it was a fact. | ||
| I really requested a lot of Joe. | ||
| That's what I wanted. | ||
| So I just, in my life, in my lineage, you know, when I was creating myself and my imagination. | ||
| Oh, I see, yeah. | ||
| I decided I wanted to really see what happens if you overdose on Joe. | ||
| I want a ton of Joes back there. | ||
| Come out of the gate, gun swinging. | ||
| Well, who knows? | ||
| Well, it's unoriginal names, the fucks. | ||
| Everybody's Joe. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Everybody? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Stop it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everyone's Brian. | |
| You're Brian Allen? | ||
| Can you imagine if you became a stand-up and you called yourself Brian Allen? | ||
| B.A. And you'd go to clubs and everybody would be like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| I thought it was that black guy that interviews comedians. | ||
| They'd all be coming to see you. | ||
| If you go on to Wolfram... | ||
| Alpha? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can put your name in and see how many people right now are existing with your name. | ||
| Whoa, that's creepy. | ||
| If you really want to feel insignificant. | ||
| Well, I've talked to one on the phone, Joe Rogan at JoeRogan.com. | ||
| Seemed like a nice guy, ex-military guy, but he wanted a lot of money for the site. | ||
| He sought dollar bills. | ||
| And I'm like, alright. | ||
| He does not look like ex-military. | ||
| He's got his own website running there and he's been doing it for a while. | ||
| Yeah, he's an ex-military guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He doesn't look like ex-military. | |
| He looks more like, I don't know, a scientist? | ||
| Well, when they get older, they look like older men. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's weird. | |
| Brian thinks he should have a flat top and a fucking knife in his teeth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He looks like the opposite, though. | |
| He doesn't seem like a soldier. | ||
| So, Duncan, we leave in the morning. | ||
| I know, we gotta wake up fucking early. | ||
| I'm gonna do the Rosie O'Donnell show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so romantic. | |
| I'm excited. | ||
| I like Rosie O'Donnell. | ||
| I'm a Rosie O'Donnell fan. | ||
| Hey, can I say one thing real quick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because something fucking cool happened and I want to announce it. | ||
| I did this South by South... | ||
| I got invited to go to South by Southwest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they offered me this shitty deal. | ||
| I won't go into it here, but if you want to see the deal, look up. | ||
| Hitler gets invited to South by Southwest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so great. | |
| Because I was just complaining because they don't fly the comics out and it's just generally a bum deal. | ||
| And I'm just saying this because pretty much right after I... From that video, I got invited to this awesome festival that's happening in Austin called the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. | ||
| And that's happening in April, and they just are doing the press releases today, and I just think it's so fucking cool that they're showing that festivals can pay performers, pay airfare, and put them up, which isn't that insane an idea. | ||
| It's just normal, but it's beautiful. | ||
| I don't understand how anybody ever got away with anybody working for free when you're making money. | ||
| I don't get... | ||
| Unless South by Southwest is some amazing charity that I don't understand. | ||
| They're not. | ||
| It's not a charity, but what... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not? | |
| Are you sure? | ||
| Uh, yeah, I'm real sure. | ||
| Should we know that? | ||
| Should we Google that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's probably all these poor puppies that are crying somewhere. | |
| We should Google that just to be sure. | ||
| Yeah, I have a feeling they would have said it by now based on the awesome videos I've been making. | ||
| Yeah, let's look up if South by South. | ||
| Yeah, but you can't just assume like that, right? | ||
| Listen, I'm getting my apology letter. | ||
| South by South. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You better start typing that shit. | |
| $10,000 for charity. | ||
| Wow, that's nice. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Charity. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| South by Southwest. | ||
| It seems like they do some stuff for charity. | ||
| You can impact charity without being rich. | ||
| I'm sure that they do. | ||
| I'm sure South by Southwest does charity, but when you ask artists to perform for free at your festival that's sponsored by 16 million different corporations, it's a bit of a charity. | ||
| The strongest memory of South by Southwest 2010 was a rooftop party when the South by Southwest partygoers spontaneously raised $300 towards the purchase of a wheelchair for the nephew of one attendee. | ||
| The young man was paralyzed temporarily and the family could not afford a wheelchair. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| I think that's very nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's nice and all, but they have so many sponsors. | |
| How many people are paying to go see South by Southwest? | ||
| Is it expensive? | ||
| Go to their website. | ||
| I think the cheapest pass is around $100, but it might be more than that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So they don't get everybody to work for free, right? | ||
| They must pay some people. | ||
| No, I think some of the bigger names get paid, but mostly after I did these videos, mostly what I heard from people is that the idea, here's the concept, to play South by Southwest advocate, the idea behind it is Hey man, it's just we're all having fun out here. | ||
| It's a party. | ||
| It's a chance to hang out with a bunch of other comics and have a good time. | ||
| We don't invite a lot of comics out, so it's an honor to get invited out, and you're going to get a chance to perform. | ||
| We'll put you up in someone's guest bedroom, but we can't pay you, and we can't pay for your airfare, and if you want to stay in a hotel, you're going to have to pay for your own hotel. | ||
| Now, I think that that, coming from a festival that really was a charity, like the Make-A-Wish Foundation, or something that was solely raising money for charity, or even a startup festival. | ||
| What about just a startup festival that seems really cool and isn't making any money? | ||
| All that totally makes sense to me. | ||
| It'd be really cool. | ||
| But I think when it's coming from a festival the size of South by Southwest, which is a I read that 30,000 people come through there a year and they're asking performers to come out for free and to pay for their own ticket. | ||
| I think there's something in that that's pretty fucked up. | ||
| Dear Southwest Airlines, if you want me to come, I'll totally do it and I'll pay for everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks. | |
| It's not Southwest Airlines, knucklehead. | ||
| No, we found out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She was right. | |
| Veronica Ricci was right. | ||
| It is sponsored by Southwest Airlines. | ||
| It's sponsored by a fucking airline, man, and they don't even fly the comics out. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| So it really is. | ||
| I thought you were joking. | ||
| He's not joking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She told us that at dinner, and we both laughed at her. | |
| I was like, oh, you're so silly. | ||
| Well, I thought you were right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| I thought you knew. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I didn't know. | |
| God damn it, Brian. | ||
| You spread disinformation across the world. | ||
| Now you've confused the masses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You didn't know either, though, right? | |
| I did not know. | ||
| No, I don't know anything about... | ||
| I think it must be an awesome hang. | ||
| I did one thing once. | ||
| One festival I did, Summerfest in Milwaukee. | ||
| It was fucking great, man. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| But I felt weird because I'm on stage and I'm just doing my regular act and there's people with babies or holding babies in the crowd. | ||
| I'm like, this is just fucked up. | ||
| I like doing stand-up in a place where people come to see stand-up. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| But no, I think festivals... | ||
| I've done festivals. | ||
| Sometimes they're fun. | ||
| I did the Vancouver Comedy Festival. | ||
| Comedy festivals are different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're fun. | |
| I'm saying performing at a music festival. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's a little... | ||
| Music festivals are way more rowdy. | ||
| It's way more likely that the people did not come to see that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's a big difference, man. | ||
| Comedy festivals are amazing. | ||
| Montreal is... | ||
| So fun. | ||
| I did Montreal several years. | ||
| I think I did it six years. | ||
| It was a fucking... | ||
| Insane blast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That place is great. | |
| Super fun. | ||
| It's a whole town, you know, Montreal, that literally has been privy to these festivals coming in every year. | ||
| So they have this really high palette for comedy. | ||
| It's a fucking great place to do comedy. | ||
| We were supposed to go back in March, but unfortunately, the UFC had to move its March date. | ||
| They had to move the Montreal date because no champions were available, and they were going to put together a big card for up there, so they postponed it. | ||
| I was like, damn! | ||
| I was really looking forward to going back to Montreal. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know what? | ||
| Montreal, I don't care about, like, I don't want to come across, like, I'm like, you gotta fucking, you gotta pay up if you want me to, it's not that at all, it's like. | ||
| Oh, no, it's like, it's reasonable. | ||
| Just acknowledge something, you know? | ||
| Montreal pays people. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| Yeah, you get paid. | ||
| Vancouver pays people. | ||
| Yeah, they fly you up there. | ||
| The Moon Tower Festival pays people. | ||
| Sasquatch pays people. | ||
| And people have argued, like Stanhope got really mad at the Montreal people and started his own thing just for spite. | ||
| They called it just for laughs. | ||
| So he would do it in town. | ||
| Performed at it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| But if you look at what they're doing, even if you think that they should be paying more, like Stanhope does, it's fucking infinitely better than nothing. | ||
| Nothing! | ||
| Nothing's ridiculous. | ||
| Nothing, no hotel room, no airfare. | ||
| What? | ||
| Well, no, they said no hotel room, but they say you can stay in someone's guest bedroom. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Imagine you're staying over someone you don't even know. | ||
| And also, the other thing that the guy said to me during these emails, and the guy who books it is a super nice guy. | ||
| I started feeling guilty because he's a really nice guy, a very friendly guy, but he couldn't acknowledge the one point that I was making, which is that if you're charging tickets, For people to come see performers, you have to pay the performers something. | ||
| It's just basic logic. | ||
| That's all. | ||
| Maybe you don't have enough to pay for everything. | ||
| Maybe the performers, you can only get them in a hotel and get them out there. | ||
| Because if you're making them pay for everything, then they're subsidizing your festival. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would go, though, just to be fun. | |
| In my opinion, if you're looking at CES, the Consumer Electronics Show, or any of these huge things, people are usually going because it's what they love and it's a collection. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And to me, I would go just because it would be an awesome party. | |
| It would be awesome doing it. | ||
| But here's the thing, man. | ||
| Here's the problem with that in my mind. | ||
| The thing that I can't get past is that the reason it's fun and the reason people are going is because of the great fucking performers that are there. | ||
| Yeah, unquestionably. | ||
| That was the main argument about the comedy store. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| The main argument about the comedy store was they were making it out that it was an honor to perform at this star. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, they do that every day. | |
| You guys are crazy, because this is just a box where you have a microphone, and you turn it on. | ||
| What you're selling here is art, and the artists are what create the art. | ||
| You're selling art. | ||
| You're selling stand-up comedy. | ||
| You're not selling a spot. | ||
| And yeah, it is a popular spot. | ||
| It's a popular spot because of the fucking artists that perform there, period. | ||
| Period. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And that's with big festivals, the same truth. | ||
| It's the exact same truth. | ||
| And festivals who are making a shitload of money have this awesome opportunity to... | ||
| Make things fair. | ||
| Make things fair. | ||
| That's all you got to do is make it fair. | ||
| These concerts like South by Southwest, isn't this where people go to go, hey, we're looking for people for the next year's sitcoms and stuff like that? | ||
| But with Vancouver, with Montreal... | ||
| You could say that for any festival. | ||
| It is though, right? | ||
| Not for comedy. | ||
| There's things that get set up, man. | ||
| They get set up and then they become law. | ||
| They become like, this is just how it's done. | ||
| And there's a lot of them that don't make any fucking sense. | ||
| And this is one of them. | ||
| The idea that you would perform at something where people profit You know, they make a profit. | ||
| Yeah, and just pay a little bit. | ||
| That's the thing with, I mean, this guy, the guy through my emails, this guy Charlie, he seemed really passionate about comedy. | ||
| He seemed like a really cool guy. | ||
| It's just, if he would just, you know, if they would just make one small step in the direction, being like, you know what, we thought about it. | ||
| We should pay airfare for the performers to come out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is silly. | |
| It's something that's sponsored by Southwest. | ||
| That should be a no-brainer. | ||
| Or have the airfare. | ||
| Just, Something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or discount. | |
| Well, it just drives so much fucking business to the town, too. | ||
| I mean, I'm looking at an article about nine ways to profit from South by Southwest, even if you weren't there. | ||
| And they're talking about figuring out how to profit from this gathering of people. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| That's like, when you look at human beings as some sort of a life form, and you look at just what this article says, nine ways to profit from South by Southwest, even if you weren't there. | ||
| The idea that you could be extracting resources from some spot you're not in. | ||
| No, we're near there! | ||
| It's very weird. | ||
| You don't even go there and you're just pulling out a way to profit. | ||
| Plug your fangs in! | ||
| Wait, what is that? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're profiting. | ||
| You're pulling money out somehow or another from some place. | ||
| I mean, I'm not saying you're doing it illegally. | ||
| I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong. | ||
| But the idea that you can do that. | ||
| The idea that you're just... | ||
| I'm signing checks and sending things out and I'm extracting money from a situation. | ||
| There's a lot of people in that one spot. | ||
| We need to get in that one spot and sell them things. | ||
| It's very fucking strange. | ||
| It's weird! | ||
| It's really strange. | ||
| People are weird as fuck, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When is it? | |
| Southwest, Southwest, like March? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| What we need to do, you know what we need to do? | ||
| We need to put together an LA Comedy Festival. | ||
| LA's one of the best places in the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think there's a few, no? | |
| Our own, dude. | ||
| God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want to join anybody else's festival. | ||
| Then you have to put their people on. | ||
| I'll tell you a comedy festival. | ||
| You should do an Ice House comedy festival. | ||
| I'll tell you, it's not a comedy festival, but I did this, my favorite festival that I ever did was... | ||
| Furries? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How'd you know? | ||
| I love furries. | ||
| I love dressing up like a raccoon. | ||
| Do you go tail or no tail? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No tail. | |
| Tail makes it hard for them to grab your ass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I find that. | ||
| Tail gets in the way of ass play. | ||
| Tail totally gets in the way of ass play. | ||
| No, there's this place up north. | ||
| There's this place called Nevada City. | ||
| And they have this film festival up there. | ||
| And that place has the fucking... | ||
| Deepest hardcore hippies I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| And there's this beautiful river. | ||
| I think it's the Yuma River that runs through there. | ||
| And in the day, you go swimming in this river. | ||
| It's so fucking beautiful. | ||
| It's like this primordial river. | ||
| You jump off rocks and go swimming. | ||
| Where is this place again? | ||
| It's called Nevada City. | ||
| Nevada City, California? | ||
| No, not Nevada. | ||
| They pronounce it Nevada. | ||
| It's where all the... | ||
| Nevada City. | ||
| Yeah, it's like there's a... | ||
| I think that's... | ||
| California. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's right where you're getting into what I think, and I may be wrong about this, what is called the Emerald Triangle. | ||
| It's like right where you start getting where they grow the buds for the dispensaries. | ||
| Oh, slamma jamma. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| It's fucking fun, man. | ||
| Well, that's a dangerous area, too, because they've got a lot of Mexican people that go up there to grow pot, and guys actually stay there. | ||
| It's really amazing. | ||
| I watched a documentary on it on that show. | ||
| Goddammit, Vanguard. | ||
| You ever see that show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I believe it's on True TV, one of those reality TV networks. | ||
| Anyway, these people did an investigative journalism thing where they went into the woods up there, very dense woods up there, and they found these crazy campsites. | ||
| These guys had set up with this guy who was the Saint of Narcos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have a narcotic saint. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| I forget his name, something DeNarco. | ||
| And it's like, wow, they have a saint to watch over them while they're growing drugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why not? | |
| Why not? | ||
| Because the thing is, if you think about what they're doing, nothing wrong with growing drugs, nothing wrong with being a farmer. | ||
| You're just growing something out of the ground. | ||
| You're not doing anything wrong. | ||
| You're not evil. | ||
| You're not bad. | ||
| But because we happen to exist at a time period in human history, or somehow idiots have determined... | ||
| That certain things that grow out of the ground are fucking bad. | ||
| You need a saint to protect you. | ||
| Certain things that have never killed anybody. | ||
| And how about these people are moving through the night with night vision on? | ||
| They started fucking hiking at 4 o'clock in the morning because they had to walk like 5 hours to get to these fucking people. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they wanted to catch them. | ||
| So these guys are hiking through the woods at night. | ||
| To get farmers. | ||
| With machine guns. | ||
| To catch farmers. | ||
| To go get Mexican farmers. | ||
| But they're Mexicans. | ||
| They're Mexican farmers. | ||
| And they've got a fucking god of drugs. | ||
| We can't stop these people. | ||
| That's all they are. | ||
| Anyone who grows pot, you're just a farmer. | ||
| You're a farmer. | ||
| It's amazing that they force these people to be fucking... | ||
| Why do they have guns? | ||
| They have guns because they have to have guns. | ||
| They have guns because they're all the way up here because they can't grow it down there. | ||
| They'll get shot in the head. | ||
| Somebody will steal their shit. | ||
| If you made it illegal to grow corn, corn farmers would have a fucking gun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like any time... | ||
| Yeah, you have to defend yourself. | ||
| The consciousness of this country, this world, this global entity, this human race, the consciousness of this human race is altering right in front of our eyes with the internet. | ||
| And the internet and psychedelic experiences together Shit has changed more in this hundred years than at any time ever. | ||
| Just the idea of how people feel about life on Earth. | ||
| It's so different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so different than at any time. | ||
| And we're riding the wave. | ||
| We're lucky. | ||
| We're so lucky. | ||
| Or we are in a dream that is symbolic of our own life and we're slowly decaying and that's when there's a great battle. | ||
| Will the shit hit the fan or will they come up with an invention that makes me live forever? | ||
| Tune in next week till I fucking go head on into a semi and wake up 15 years old going to school again brushing my teeth. | ||
| We're going to have the best cult, man. | ||
| It's the best already. | ||
| Look, man. | ||
| People are drawing fucking pictures of us. | ||
| Have you ever seen that thing up there? | ||
| What's that homeboy's name? | ||
| Pants? | ||
| What is his name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Formal Sweatpants. | |
| Formal Sweatpants. | ||
| You can buy that Joe Rogan Experience poster from him. | ||
| If you haven't seen it, it's fucking awesome. | ||
| What's his website? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Formalsweatpants.com. | |
| Just the coolest thing. | ||
| All this stuff, I just want you guys to all know that I am... | ||
| 100% humbled, blown away, flattered. | ||
| I can't use enough positive words to describe how awesome it is that you guys, first of all, just like the show, but then that you make like these little videos and little... | ||
| I mean, there's so many cool videos of rants of just you and I. Just you and I just going off about stuff. | ||
| Just that combination. | ||
| That stuff is the coolest stuff ever, man. | ||
| That stuff really, really makes me happy. | ||
| When that rant we had that landed on Alex Jones, where I was talking about Alex Jones getting arrested, and that landed on his website, that was intense, man. | ||
| I was like, fuck, we're going to end up in a fucking FEMA camp. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That shit's going to get us. | |
| I felt a real... | ||
| No. | ||
| You know why we're not going to? | ||
| Because we can talk to the fucking troops. | ||
| We can talk to the cops. | ||
| We communicate to those people and they're not going to do what these assholes are telling them to do. | ||
| That's ultimately a real problem with civil unrest in this country. | ||
| The fucking genies out of the bottle, the cops, the firemen, everybody knows that this is a fucking mess. | ||
| Everybody knows that these people are just doing what you're supposed to do when you're an American. | ||
| They're protesting some gross injustices and they don't know exactly how to do it. | ||
| And the way I've described them is that there's a fucking... | ||
| There's a problem, and they're white blood cells, and they're surrounding this problem, and they don't know how to conquer it, and they don't know what to do, but the fact that so many people have gravitated towards one area, if you were looking at any other organism and this sort of a situation was happening, you're like, well, clearly there's some sort of a disease, there's an illness, there's a sickness, there's an issue that's being addressed. | ||
| Something very, very important is being addressed. | ||
| I hear babies in the background. | ||
| I do too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, my kids are screaming. | |
| Little munchkins. | ||
| Duncan Trussell, one day you're going to have some little munchkins. | ||
| I love some little munchkins. | ||
| Well, you're a good doggy daddy. | ||
| Yeah, we got rid of our five puppies. | ||
| We have five puppies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Got rid of all of them? | |
| That's awesome. | ||
| Got them all in good homes. | ||
| Dude, little chihuahua puppies. | ||
| How cute are they? | ||
| How can you not say... | ||
| You know, you go over there and you see them and you're just like, you gotta take them in. | ||
| Well, yeah, I knew that we'd have no problem getting, man, there is nothing fun, like, the power of fucking young things, they're so powerful that they can wake you up at four in the mornings, you know, squeaking, and you go in there and they will do jailbreaks where they would, like, get out and suddenly the house is just flooded with chihuahua puppies that you're trying to, like, bring back in. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| And it'll always make you laugh. | ||
| You can't get angry at a puppy. | ||
| It's almost impossible. | ||
| Yeah, they're so goddamn cute. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| That's how nature has sort of engineered them. | ||
| Nature and human beings have engineered them to be so goddamn cute and so loving. | ||
| What's more loving than a dog, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so funny, though. | |
| When my sister had her kid, she did the exact same thing as you, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, immediately, she's like, who cares about the dog anymore? | |
| I still love my dogs. | ||
| I love walking them. | ||
| I love playing them. | ||
| But yeah, that's not a person. | ||
| Dogs and people are totally different things, man. | ||
| You don't even understand. | ||
| But it doesn't mean I don't love my dogs. | ||
| I'd love a little fucking baby one day, man. | ||
| A little baby Duncan! | ||
| A little fucking sweet! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think we should just both get a baby, Duncan, and just like, you'll get one weekend, I'll get the next weekend. | |
| Well, I think you guys should let somebody, there'll be a contest, and they'll be able to film the baby coming out. | ||
| So that'll be, whoever did the best compilation video, we'll give them access to your wife's vagina as the baby's coming out. | ||
| What do you think, Val? | ||
| Yeah, it sounds great. | ||
| Sounds like a good idea. | ||
| Yeah, perfect. | ||
| But seriously, what is that dude's name again? | ||
| Formalsweatpants.com? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Formalsweatpants.com. | |
| And he's got the Joe Rogan Experience poster. | ||
| I don't know how much he's selling it for, but it's an awesome piece of artwork. | ||
| I don't have any piece of this. | ||
| It's all his. | ||
| I freely endorse it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have a poster coming soon. | |
| You got a poster coming soon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, they did a new Death Squad logo, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I did a new logo. | |
| Death Squad, top 10, bitches. | ||
| Top 10 on iTunes. | ||
| Holla at your boy. | ||
| Got as high as... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Six? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Five? | |
| It was five the other day. | ||
| Pow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Coming up in the world. | ||
| Bitches. | ||
| We got it. | ||
| Let's wrap this bitch up. | ||
| Let's bring it home. | ||
| Let's wrap it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We got the squat show Friday with Doug Benson. | |
| Doug Benson at the Ice House. | ||
| Mike Black. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Andy, Nicky, Davey, Johnson. | |
| Nice. | ||
| Nice, nice, nice. | ||
| And if you've never been, folks, the Ice House has two rooms. | ||
| It's in Pasadena, California. | ||
| The annex is very small. | ||
| It's only 85 seats with a guy like Doug Benson. | ||
| That shit's going to sell out quick. | ||
| So go to icehousecc.com. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just icehousecomedy.com. | |
| Yeah, Google that just in case. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Search for Death Squad. | |
| Just go to Ice House Comedy and just – whatever. | ||
| Google Ice House Comedy Club and check for stage two. | ||
| That's what you want to look for. | ||
| That's this weekend. | ||
| Can I say a show? | ||
| Yeah, fuck yeah. | ||
| I'm going to be at the Arlington Draft House in February. | ||
| Look it up. | ||
| I don't have the exact – Arlington, Texas? | ||
| No, in Maryland. | ||
| It's called the Arlington Draft House and I'd love to see you guys there. | ||
| Arlington, Maryland. | ||
| Arlington Draft House is what it's called. | ||
| Just Google it. | ||
| Arlington Draft House. | ||
| It'll pop up. | ||
| And when is the date? | ||
| It's the second weekend in February, I think. | ||
| I have to look at my calendar. | ||
| Is that a place that you do on a regular? | ||
| No, this is the first time I've done it. | ||
| It's kind of like a movie theater. | ||
| And I've heard great things about it. | ||
| So I'm super psyched about going. | ||
| That's fucking badass. | ||
| Who got you that gig? | ||
| My booking guy at APA. Nice. | ||
| That sounds like fun, man. | ||
| Yeah, I can't wait. | ||
| I did a movie theater. | ||
| It's like the first time I ever did Washington, D.C. They used to have that. | ||
| They would have stand-up comedy, and then they would have a movie after the comedy. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| Yeah, it was a good gig, man. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| I don't remember the name of it. | ||
| So anyway, Duncan Truss will be with me this Friday night at the Chicago Theater. | ||
| It's almost sold out. | ||
| I think there's less than 200 tickets left. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the most tickets I've ever sold for anything. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| It's going to be nuts. | ||
| We have to have big, giant screens. | ||
| They have to turn on these big, giant screens to watch it. | ||
| This place is huge. | ||
| It's an enormous, awesome place. | ||
| So that'll be this weekend, this Friday. | ||
| And then next Friday, we're doing the House of Blues. | ||
| Same lineup, bitches. | ||
| Same lineup. | ||
| Joey Diaz, Duncan Trussell. | ||
| And then after both nights, we're going to watch some crazy shit. | ||
| We've got two crazy UFC cards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holla! | |
| So, thank you to everybody that tunes in. | ||
| Thanks to all the positive Twitter messages and all the cool shit. | ||
| You know, the cool people outnumber the cunts by a staggering amount. | ||
| There's so many more cool people out there that I'm connecting with because of Twitter, because of Facebook, because of this podcast, because of the internet. | ||
| There's so many more cool people out there than anybody imagines. | ||
| We just gotta find each other. | ||
| And so we're glad you found this. | ||
| We connect. | ||
| We stay together. | ||
| We grow. | ||
| Party on. | ||
| Hare Krishna. | ||
| Party on. | ||
| Thanks to the Fleshlight. | ||
| Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for the Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, and you will get 15% off number one sex toy for men. | ||
| Eventually, I guarantee you, I predict, they will be sponsoring the Death Squad as well. | ||
| Death Squad's moving up in the world. | ||
| Death Squad needs a logo. | ||
| You need a sponsor, you get to talk to them. | ||
| We're going to make this happen. | ||
| It's a perfect fit. | ||
| You guys have porn stars on with their own fleshlights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, just make sense. | ||
| You mean built in? | ||
| No, they have a designed fleshlight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have 17 podcasts now. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's like so much podcast. | |
| You've got a lot of podcasts. | ||
| The Death Squad is free on iTunes, and it's the only place to get the Ice House Chronicles, which is a podcast that we do live from the Ice House. | ||
| Seriously, it is, to me, the coolest fucking thing that we do. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| We have a great time every week. | ||
| The last week we had Dane Cook on, Bert Kreischer, Ari Shafir, me, Kevin Christie, Brody Stevens, Nick Yusuf. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| I mean, you know what it is? | ||
| We have a room at the Ice House, and so we have this stand-up show that's totally sold out, packed, little, tiny, intimate, awesome room, and then the comics are rotating and going on stage from the podcast, and it's amazing. | ||
| It's the most fun and the closest you can get to, like, Hanging with a bunch of best friends in the green room before we go up there and fuck shit up. | ||
| It's like the greatest podcast of all time. | ||
| I love the Ice House Chronicles. | ||
| The only way to get it, though, is you've got to subscribe to Death Squad. | ||
| So go to iTunes, subscribe to Death Squad, and get it. | ||
| It's all free, of course. | ||
| This podcast will always be free. | ||
| Death Squad will always be free. | ||
| We will not charge you. | ||
| Duncan Trussell, though, he'll charge you a couple bucks. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| Pay him! | ||
| For what? | ||
| Pay them for your lavender hour. | ||
| Bonus episodes, one dollar. | ||
| Pay them. | ||
| It's not much. | ||
| It's only a dollar. | ||
| But the other ones are free. | ||
| We do one free one a week. | ||
| You can't get mad. | ||
| People get mad at him. | ||
| How dare you ask me for anything? | ||
| I've given you free stuff. | ||
| You don't have to take. | ||
| It's not like I'm saying you have to pay. | ||
| You don't have to pay. | ||
| You do whatever you want to. | ||
| But if you want to, there's the possibility. | ||
| Please. | ||
| Thank you for everybody asking. | ||
| I am talking with my people about doing the same thing that Louis C.K. did. | ||
| I'm totally going to steal his idea and try to put out my next special just online like that. | ||
| It just seems to make sense. | ||
| Now that everybody has iTunes, so many people have Apple TV, so many people have Netflix, I get more messages about my streaming special from 2005 on Netflix. | ||
| I get more email about that particular special than anything I've ever done ever. | ||
| Because I think more people are seeing it through Netflix. | ||
| I don't know if they can get the last one, the Talking Monkeys in Space, but the Netflix one, they made. | ||
| They produced it. | ||
| So every day I get tweets about that, man. | ||
| That's the future. | ||
| The future is... | ||
| Louis C.K. showed us the way. | ||
| So I'm going to totally do what he did and release it that way. | ||
| And buy my book. | ||
| You got a book? | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| It'll be out in two years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just the fuck out of here. | |
| All right, you dirty freaks. | ||
| Oh, next Friday, we're at the House of Blues. | ||
| Okay, I said that already. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| The show's over. | ||
| Thanks to the flashlight. | ||
| Thanks to Anna.com. | ||
| Go to O-N-N-I-T.com. | ||
| What's there? | ||
| Mysteries. | ||
| Mysteries. | ||
| Mysteries of the mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pills to change your focus. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Google nootropics, go there. | ||
| First 30 pills. | ||
| If you don't like it, you get a money-back guarantee. | ||
| It used to be more, but the world's filled with cunts. | ||
| Lemonparty.org. | ||
| You know, you could have invested $1 million and probably made $30 million if you would have done that. | ||
| In what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, bought that much pills and then sold it on eBay. | |
| Should I do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I should totally rob myself. | ||
| Just start ordering shit for myself. | ||
| Get rich from robbing yourself. | ||
| Alright, you dirty freaks, we love you from the bottom of our hearts. | ||
| We can't say it enough. | ||
| It's hard to say goodbye. | ||
| We don't know when to do it. | ||
| I never know how to shut it off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye! | |
| We're putting it out there. | ||
| We're putting it out there. | ||
| We're getting it from you. | ||
| Thank you very much. |
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