Oct. 4, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:26:32
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| I don't know. | ||
| We're not really on YouTube. | ||
| But we're on Ustream right now, bitches! | ||
| Are we on? | ||
| We're on right now. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight, you get 15% off the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| I also want to thank Jolt Servers. | ||
| Jolt Servers are the ones who are hosting us. | ||
| That's Jason's company. | ||
| And he's a cool motherfucker and a good friend of mine. | ||
| And also Onnit.com, makers of AlphaBrain. | ||
| And if you go to JoeRogan.net or if you go to AlphaBrain, whatever, if you go to Onnit.com, that's what we got to do, right? | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. O-N-N-I-T. We just smoked way too much weed. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| We just mixed a bunch of shit man. | ||
| We mixed some shit called Moon Rocks in with some other stuff. | ||
| Was Moon Rock Sativa or was it also... | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| There was an OG Indica. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| There was a deep couch lock weed. | ||
| And then we mixed it in with that other stuff. | ||
| No Susquehanna today. | ||
| You brought up the big shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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No Susquehanna. | |
| We're not fucking around. | ||
| You didn't bring out that blueberry orange from 2005? | ||
| We're not fucking around. | ||
| Did you throw that away? | ||
| I got rid of all that stuff. | ||
| It was the best shit back in 2005. It was. | ||
| It was before train wreck. | ||
| When I first started buying weed before we had... | ||
| Before we had licenses, I would always buy mad quantities because I didn't want to have to deal with those dudes, but I always had just way too much weed laying around. | ||
| Dude, it was incredible. | ||
| It's a funny subject, this marijuana, and there's a lot of controversy behind it. | ||
| And I'm not giving in. | ||
| I'm tired of it. | ||
| It's a stupid topic. | ||
| It's a bunch of people, for whatever reason, care about what other people are doing. | ||
| And there's always this same tired-ass fucking argument about, what about children? | ||
| You're setting an example to the children. | ||
| To what? | ||
| To what? | ||
| To eventually be a person who's an adult who enjoys marijuana? | ||
| That's life. | ||
| That is real life. | ||
| Like, why do we have to pretend to hide that? | ||
| Parent your fucking kids and don't let them do anything until they're in their 20s. | ||
| I don't think kids should be getting drunk. | ||
| I think you barely can keep your fucking shit together as a teenager as it is, emotionally, psychologically, to get drunk on top of that. | ||
| I mean, I did it. | ||
| I know you did it. | ||
| But it's a terrible idea. | ||
| If I was going to be honest with my kids, I would say, don't get drunk, don't get high, don't do shit while you're developing. | ||
| Become a man first, you know? | ||
| People ask me why I'm so vocal about it, and the reason I'm vocal about it is because I can get thrown in jail for it. | ||
| So I'm going to be vocal about it until there's absolutely no possibility that I can get thrown in jail. | ||
| This is for the kids, too. | ||
| I'm fucking making a stand here. | ||
| You're making a stand here. | ||
| In the future, by the time the kids are 18, 19, 20, hopefully it'll be legal. | ||
| So we're doing this for the kids. | ||
| But, you know, I'm a big fan of Coca-Cola. | ||
| I love Coke, but I never talk about it. | ||
| But if it was illegal, if it was illegal to drink soda and you can get thrown in jail, I'd be talking about it every goddamn day. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| I'm drinking this fucking soda. | ||
| I'll be videotaping me drinking soda. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Why are we being thrown in jail? | ||
| Look, I'm a productive guy drinking Coke, but you know what? | ||
| It's legal. | ||
| I'm not talking about it. | ||
| And when weed is legal, 100% all the way through, I'm going to shut the fuck up about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch. | |
| I'm not going to shut up about it. | ||
| It's a positive thing. | ||
| And that's what people aren't willing to accept. | ||
| So many people want to think that it shows a negative image or it sends a negative message that you need something to get through your life with. | ||
| And that's not what anybody's saying. | ||
| You don't need it. | ||
| You don't need it. | ||
| But it's good. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| It's the wonder drug for me. | ||
| Like, instead of taking Tylenol, I'll smoke some weed. | ||
| Instead of doing this... | ||
|
unidentified
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It's so safe. | |
| Weed is so safe that if you smoke too much, you might call the cops on yourself. | ||
| You're not gonna call the cops on yourself if you do a lot of heroin or you get too drunk. | ||
| Can you imagine getting too drunk and you're calling the cops on yourself? | ||
| On weed, you'll call the cops on yourself sometimes, you know? | ||
| Yeah, weed is the safest of all of them. | ||
| And it's the most introspective of all of them. | ||
| You know, alcohol doesn't make you introspective. | ||
| It makes you an asshole. | ||
| But weed makes you, like, sensitive about the things that you're saying. | ||
| It makes you more aware of when you're being socially awkward. | ||
| You know, you feel the sting of, you know, weird shit coming out of your mouth. | ||
| Whereas when you're drunk, you don't give a fuck. | ||
| It just comes back. | ||
| It just pours out. | ||
| It's an amazing thing that so many people believe different. | ||
| And yeah, it can fuck up your life. | ||
| There's people that can smoke pot and become losers. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| They would have been losers anyway. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| It's like what you're saying is the lazy people with no ambition who aren't that bright, pot gets a hold of them, it's going to fuck up their life. | ||
| Well, guess what? | ||
| Their life is already fucked up. | ||
| You come to certain roadblocks or certain things in your life where you have to sort of make decisions about your behavior, where you sort of have to reassess yourself, and if you can't get through the weed hurdle, Really? | ||
| How the fuck are you going to deal with the real world if you can't get through the hurdle of weed? | ||
| Because weed to me is the truth. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| When I smoke pot, yeah, I can say a lot of silly shit and you get weird and start talking about the universe, but what it is to me is the truth. | ||
| Anything that's bullshit, anything that's a lie, anything that's like... | ||
| Blatantly misleading when you're high is just glaring. | ||
| Like acting is glaring. | ||
| If you go to see a movie high and they're bad actors, it's glaring. | ||
| If you watch a political speech when you're high, it's glaring. | ||
| You feel the bullshit. | ||
| When you're like, what the fuck am I listening to? | ||
| It's like offensive to you. | ||
| People have the wrong impression, man. | ||
| And it's a shame. | ||
| It really is a shame. | ||
| It's not that everyone should do it. | ||
| You don't have to do it. | ||
| But you shouldn't be upset if someone's telling you an honest interpretation of the positive experiences they have on it. | ||
| And people will go, well, you know, why do you always have to talk about it? | ||
| It's fucking annoying. | ||
| All you guys ever fucking talk about is weed. | ||
| Because there's still people out there that are arguing against it. | ||
| There's still people out there that don't get it. | ||
| It's a personal choice issue. | ||
| You're a human being. | ||
| And it's the most Republican of all ideas. | ||
| Stay the fuck out of my private life. | ||
| Stay the fuck out of my personal life. | ||
| Don't let government get too big. | ||
| Well, this is exactly what this is. | ||
| This is only something that's being pushed into illegality by gigantic corporations. | ||
| It's the only way in this day and age that it would still be illegal. | ||
| There's resistance because people are making money with it being illegal. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| And when you look at the movie Reefer Madness, it was made back in the 30s. | ||
| It was produced by the government. | ||
| And if you look at that, and you see where it all came from. | ||
| It all came... | ||
| That was the beginning. | ||
| It was actually made by alcohol companies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| in the beginning, in the beginning, they tried to scare everybody by saying that weed made you kill, it made you crazy, you'll jump out of windows, you'll kill people. | ||
| They made lots of movies. | ||
| They made a whole bunch of them in the 30s. | ||
| That was the reefer madness propaganda. | ||
| It worked. | ||
| Any negative thought you have about weed, it stems from that propaganda from the 30s. | ||
| It's not a conspiracy theory. | ||
| There's many movies out there that you could watch. | ||
| You could watch them on YouTube. | ||
| That's where it started. | ||
| The reason why they don't say that you go crazy and you jump out of windows and you kill people and all that shit anymore is because people got hip to it. | ||
| They believed it in the 30s and the 40s, but then people were smoking weed in the 50s and 60s. | ||
| They were like, it's not making me crazy. | ||
| This is actually pretty cool. | ||
| So they had to change their stance slowly. | ||
| It evolved from weed kills you to weed makes you worthless. | ||
| They have a lot of examples because there are a lot of potheads who are worthless, but they're just worthless people. | ||
| So they just focus on that. | ||
| Any negative thought you have for weed and marijuana, it's because we've all been brainwashed. | ||
| I used to be the biggest weed hater ever until I was 28 my whole life. | ||
| I couldn't stand potheads. | ||
| They made me sick. | ||
| I was just like all those guys on the underground who were writing all that shit. | ||
| I would have been doing that. | ||
| I would have been doing the same fucking thing. | ||
| I was annoyed. | ||
| Every band I was in had one or two potheads. | ||
| They fuck up on stage or they fuck up rehearsing. | ||
| I would blame the weed. | ||
| I'd go, dude, you fucking high. | ||
| You fucking smoking weed. | ||
| You can't play bass and smoke weed. | ||
| I was so clueless. | ||
| I didn't have any idea. | ||
| Every now and then, I'd get talked into smoking weed. | ||
| There was a high school moment. | ||
| There was a moment when I was 23, 24, where I freaked the fuck out. | ||
| I got all paranoid. | ||
| And I freaked out and I hated it. | ||
| And weed, what happens when you're high is it's like... | ||
| A roaring river of information has just flooded into your brain. | ||
| Some people don't want to ride those wild rapids. | ||
| They're like, fuck that, I'll stay in the tent. | ||
| Some people are like, yeah, let's ride that wild rapid and just absorb that energy and use it, you know, to benefit yourself. | ||
| Some people, you know, when you get paranoid, I still get paranoid every now and then. | ||
| Every now and then, that fucking roaring river, I don't want to do that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I just want to, you know, I'm not into it. | ||
| So, you know... | ||
| It's all... | ||
| The paranoia and feeling iry to opposite ends of the spectrum, it's all up to you with the weed. | ||
| It's all up to you. | ||
| You smoke weed. | ||
| If you can get paranoid, if you can't handle all that information, you want to suppress a lot of that shit, don't get high. | ||
| If you've got a lot of crazy, stressful things on your mind, things that are making you nervous, you've got to talk to some people, but you don't know how to say... | ||
| You might get fired from your job, or your wife might be cheating on you, or whatever. | ||
| You're thinking about all that shit... | ||
| If you smoke weed, you're going to focus on that. | ||
| I recommend that you start smoking weed around 28, 30. I never recommend weed to kids. | ||
| I never do. | ||
| I think it's best if you're fully developed, you know who you are, you know what kind of person you are, especially if you're an artist. | ||
| You have a lifetime of art and then at 28... | ||
| You see how your art changes. | ||
| Whatever art you do, it'll change. | ||
| So you'll appreciate it the later you wait. | ||
| I would say wait till 30. Jack Herrera, the greatest hemp activist out there, started smoking weed when he was 35. He was totally anti-weed, just like me, just like Joe. | ||
| Joe hated potheads. | ||
| We were all just like you. | ||
| All those guys that think they are fucking throwing up in their mouth right now and they're sick of me and Joe talking. | ||
| All those guys, we were just like you. | ||
| Smart motherfuckers. | ||
| You guys are smart. | ||
| But that we were brainwashed by the motherfucking government. | ||
| We were brainwashed. | ||
| It's really simple. | ||
| So you should be happy that we're trying to tell you the truth. | ||
| Don't deny the truth. | ||
| We're telling you the truth, man. | ||
| And it's not some crazy alien conspiracy. | ||
| This is some real shit. | ||
| And by the way, it's only our subjective truth. | ||
| If your truth is different than my truth, if you do pot and you don't like it, like Stanhope. | ||
| Stanhope just doesn't like weed. | ||
| He doesn't like it. | ||
| He doesn't like the feeling. | ||
| Which is fine. | ||
| No one's forcing you to do it. | ||
| You know, the real problem is when people are upset at other people doing something. | ||
| It doesn't affect them, but they get upset at it. | ||
| They see that possible potential weakness in themselves, and so they lash out at it when they see it in someone else. | ||
| I really think that's what it is. | ||
| You know, they're scared themselves that it's their future, that they could get hooked on a drug too. | ||
| And that's how they look at it. | ||
| It's kind of cool talking about mushrooms. | ||
| Mushrooms was on a cartoon the other day on a Family Guy. | ||
| Like Sunday, 9 o'clock, 8.30, Brian found a bag of mushrooms. | ||
| And they showed the mushrooms that looked like the mushrooms. | ||
| And then he ate them and went on to this huge mushroom trip. | ||
| And the whole episode was about Brian shrooming the majority of it. | ||
| And it was kind of interesting to see that actually they had that on a regular show on TV. Was that the first time that... | ||
| That maybe a primetime show actually dealt with mushrooms? | ||
| Well, on Simpsons, Homer Simpson went into a chili cook-off. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he ate a psychedelic pepper. | ||
| But that was always kind of like, yeah, this is like mushrooms. | ||
| It wasn't like him eating a mushroom, though, was it? | ||
| Well, he ate some sort of psychedelic pepper. | ||
| Pepper. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| And the peppers made them have these crazy trips. | ||
| It was the most awesome Simpsons ever. | ||
| Yeah, so they've done that before. | ||
| You would love this. | ||
| I mean, it doesn't really make mushrooms look great. | ||
| It's not what I see when I shroom on mushrooms, but it's definitely fun to watch while shrooming, I think. | ||
| There's a new study on mushrooms that magic mushrooms make you a better person. | ||
| And it stays with you for a while. | ||
| Yeah, this is crazy. | ||
| I think it's John Hopkins, yeah. | ||
| Researchers led by Catherine McLean, a postdoctoral student at John Hopkins University, analyzed personality data on 52 participants, average age of 46 years old, who had participated in the group's earlier research on the drug. | ||
| These volunteers took psilocybin during two to five sessions at various doses under highly controlled conditions at the hospital. | ||
| They were also given personality tests before taking psilocybin and again a couple months after each drug session and then again about a year later. | ||
| And so what they're saying is that all these people have all said that it turns you into a better person. | ||
| It had a positive effect on their personality. | ||
| Think about... | ||
| Some people went unchanged, it said. | ||
| Think about the fact that a lot of people are saying, oh, you guys are just using the medical thing just as an excuse to smoke pot. | ||
| Oh, you guys are faking your ailments just to get a medical marijuana card. | ||
| Yes, we are, dum-dum. | ||
| We are. | ||
| We have to go through the medical thing. | ||
| This is the process of making it legal. | ||
| Ultimately, there won't be a medical marijuana. | ||
| It's just going to be adult use. | ||
| We're not really faking it, though. | ||
| I'm not faking it. | ||
| I smoke weed for exactly what I tell the doctor. | ||
| I'm not saying a lot of people. | ||
|
unidentified
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There are a lot of people that would just fake or whatever. | |
| I'm not saying who, but I'm just saying, yes, we have to get through the medical baby steps. | ||
| Ultimately, it won't be medical marijuana. | ||
| It's just going to be adult use. | ||
| Because now, it's not just neutral. | ||
| It's not like a vitamin. | ||
| It's better than a vitamin. | ||
| It actually cures diseases. | ||
| It's better than just a vitamin or protein. | ||
| I mean, it relieves glaucoma, for instance, and now there are so many studies of it reducing cancerous tumors and all that shit. | ||
| Vitamins don't do this. | ||
| This is a magic herb with no side effects. | ||
| There's no side effects. | ||
| No one's ever died from it. | ||
| Why are you so worried about your kids doing it? | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| I have a son coming, and I'm going to tell him the truth. | ||
| I'm not going to lie to him. | ||
| I'm going to tell him the truth about weed, and I'm going to tell him that he should not smoke until he's 28 to 30. Why would you want him to wait so long, though? | ||
| So that he could appreciate it more. | ||
| Dude, I've been smoking since I was 15, and I appreciate the fuck out of every time I smoke it. | ||
| Not everybody, but there are some people, and I've met some people. | ||
| You might not be the best example, son. | ||
| Well, I would think the older you get, when I get older, I've noticed I'm more concerned about my health, because your health starts to go when you're getting old. | ||
| I think if I were to start smoking weed when I was 30, I would even be more freaked out. | ||
| You say this, but yet, how do you smoke weed and smoke cigarettes at the same time? | ||
| Well, I don't do it at the same time. | ||
| I have one in each hand, and I just go from back and forth. | ||
| I would think that if I was smoking weed and I was also smoking cigarettes, the fact that I was smoking cigarettes would start to freak me out so bad that I would quit. | ||
| I would realize how ridiculous it is and how crazy and terrible it is. | ||
| We all know it's ridiculous and terrible and horrible for your body, but we're also addicted to it. | ||
| Why don't you just carry around a pack of joints and just smoke joints all day? | ||
| Because I don't... | ||
| I'm not like Joey Diaz style. | ||
| I like to smoke one or two hits and then go do something. | ||
| And then later I'll take one or two hits. | ||
| I'm not like, I ain't gonna smoke this whole fucking joint. | ||
| If you raise your tolerance up... | ||
| I don't want to, though. | ||
| You can get to the habit... | ||
| I don't like being in a cloud. | ||
| You can just smoke weed instead of cigarettes. | ||
| I don't like being in a cloud, though. | ||
| The weed cloud, you mean? | ||
| Yeah, the weed cloud. | ||
| Yeah, you can definitely get in a weed cloud, especially if you're one of those waking bakers. | ||
| Especially if your health's not good. | ||
| My point, Brian, was that I was saying some people that have been smoking since they were like 11 or 12 or whatever, I know some serious artists. | ||
| They're super creative. | ||
| And they tell me, I think you're giving the weed too much credit. | ||
| I mean, weed just chills me out. | ||
| They smoke weed all day, every day. | ||
| Amazing artist. | ||
| It just chills me out. | ||
| I go, dude, look at your gallery, dude. | ||
| You're one of the most creative mothers doing sculptures and you don't think the weed has... | ||
| And it was hard for him to see it because he was always artistic and he always smoked weed. | ||
| So he couldn't see the difference. | ||
| If he wouldn't have smoked weed and he did all this artistic stuff, he would have still been a great artist, I'm sure. | ||
| But there would have been a difference in the art. | ||
| If he would have been an artist until he was 28 and then started smoking, his art would have definitely changed. | ||
| And what I'm saying is... | ||
| I would be way more concerned about my kid being an alcoholic or getting addicted to coke or something. | ||
| Shit that people die from. | ||
| Again, I don't want my kid smoking weed at 13 or 14, but worst case scenario, he does start smoking weed. | ||
| It's not going to be the worst thing. | ||
| I'm not going to trip out on it. | ||
| I'm like, alright, fuck, dude, you're smoking weed. | ||
| How long have you been smoking? | ||
| I go... | ||
| You know, I really think you should fucking cool it or whatever. | ||
| But, you know, when he's an adult, we'll be smoking weed together. | ||
|
unidentified
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Watch. | |
| Watch. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, we got, wait, we got, we got, we got someone on the line. | |
| No. | ||
| Who's on the line? | ||
| You have somebody on the line. | ||
|
unidentified
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You know who's on the line. | |
| What's up, Hinata? | ||
| Why are you calling? | ||
| It's Hinata. | ||
|
unidentified
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I'm going to speak to, I'm going to speak to, Dude, no one knows what the fuck we're doing here. | |
| Joe, are you going to get an iPhone? | ||
| Yeah, are you going to get the new one? | ||
| Dude, no one knows what the fuck we're doing. | ||
| It's like half a million people and maybe 10,000. | ||
| How do you feel about weed, Renato? | ||
| I'm alive on the air while I'm talking to you. | ||
| You're alive on the air. | ||
| So why I'm talking to you while I'm not talking to you? | ||
| Come on, Eddie. | ||
| Joe can hear you. | ||
| Joe's right here. | ||
| Eddie, I don't want to do this. | ||
| I don't even know anything about you. | ||
| I want to just do the podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
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I know how you feel. | |
| Eddie. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's at least... | |
| I can talk to that guy. | ||
| Alright, alright. | ||
| We're gonna have to cut you off, man. | ||
| Joe doesn't want to talk to you. | ||
|
unidentified
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He don't want to talk. | |
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
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Eddie, come on, man. | |
| That is the most inside of inside jokes that 99% of the people who listen to this podcast will not have any idea what the fuck that is. | ||
| So Apple releases the iPhone 4S today. | ||
| And it's not the 5, which everyone's thinking. | ||
| But remember the 3GS? When the 3G went to the 3GS? And that was a real iPhone. | ||
| And I think that's what they're doing here. | ||
| I think there's going to be a 5 maybe around June or so. | ||
| But this 4S isn't that bad. | ||
| You're just taking a wild guess. | ||
| Yeah, that's definitely a guess, but they did it before. | ||
| The 3GS was a mild upgrade. | ||
| That's why they never called it the Ford. | ||
| The 3GS added, what was it? | ||
| I don't even remember. | ||
| A better camera? | ||
|
unidentified
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I don't remember. | |
| It seemed like there were so many rumors about this. | ||
| I always feel so pathetic when my life revolves around being really into the next phone that comes out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that new Siri, there's a new intelligent assistant that helps you out, and they did a demo today, which is a thing that you push, and you pretty much ask it any question you want. | ||
| You could be like, schedule me an appointment at 5 p.m. | ||
| on Friday, and then it will open up your calendar and go, do you want me to schedule this? | ||
| And you just say yes. | ||
| And then we'll schedule it. | ||
| Or you can go, what's the weather like in New York? | ||
| And be like, the weather is this. | ||
| And they showed a bunch of examples. | ||
| And you can see examples on Apple.com or any of the websites like in Gadget or Gizmodo. | ||
| But it seems legit. | ||
| You can even say, like, call Joe. | ||
| Like the Android stuff, too. | ||
| It's called Siri. | ||
| I don't know if that's how it's spelled. | ||
| And so it's like an assistant. | ||
| That's the idea? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and it's pretty much the first step into having no interaction with having to touch your phone. | ||
| So this looks like maybe in five years, you're going to be texting by voice, you're going to be calling. | ||
| Five years? | ||
| I would say this is a pretty good step. | ||
| I wouldn't say it's 100% there right now. | ||
| I don't think you're still going to use your keyboard on it. | ||
| Google Voice, the Google app where you use your voice and you say, you know, Tenth Planet Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| You just use that as a search. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| And it instantly pulls up. | ||
| I mean, it's really accurate. | ||
| Like, the way it picks up the things that you're saying, it's super accurate. | ||
| The thing that they showed today looks even more amazing than that. | ||
| And they also announced something that we talked about earlier, about an idea I've had since I was a kid. | ||
| And now they have it as a feature on the phone, and I'm like, shit. | ||
| Should I? They call it, I forget what it's called, but mine was called Snail Mail, where it was where, I don't know if you remember, you would write an email to this company and the company would write it out in hand form and then send it to somebody. | ||
| And I originally said, I thought of the idea because I wanted, when my grandmother was still alive, I wanted to be able to email my grandmother, but then have somebody handwrite it and then send it to my grandmother. | ||
| Well, now they just announced it on this new iPhone that it's a feature, and I forget what they call it, but that's one of the new features now. | ||
| An actual person? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's either a handwriting... | ||
| I don't know if they do it by person. | ||
| I bet it's a printer that looks like handwriting. | ||
| That's probably what they do. | ||
| But that's what the whole thing is. | ||
| It's $2.99 per letter. | ||
| But that's kind of funny that, you know, I should have fucking copyrighted that a long time ago. | ||
| That's a bunch of 14-year-old Chinese people. | ||
| Yeah, that's all I'm thinking. | ||
| I'm thinking poor sweatshops of people copying people's signatures. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That shit would be horrendous if you found out that that was true. | ||
|
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Right. | |
| I can't imagine that there's really a business for that, but... | ||
| Yeah, you did come up with that a long time ago. | ||
| A long time ago. | ||
| And the camera looks awesome now. | ||
| They're using a whole new lens system, which is, they're making 8 megapixel, and the HD is 1080p, I believe, is what they said. | ||
| Do you have to get a new phone, or can we use the same phone? | ||
| You gotta get a new phone. | ||
| You gotta get a new phone. | ||
|
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For the 4S? The 4S is a new phone. | |
| It's also got a dual processor now. | ||
| They switched to their A5 chip, so now it's supposed to be really fast. | ||
| So yeah, it is a slight upgrade in some ways. | ||
| The screen's not any different, but there is a lot of stuff under the hood. | ||
| Did they improve upon going from apps back to your texting? | ||
| Sometimes you're just looking at a white screen for 20 seconds. | ||
| Has that ever happened to your phone? | ||
| No. | ||
| Have you cracked your phone before? | ||
| I got a new phone because I thought it was my phone. | ||
| Because I kept dropping it. | ||
| Going from Twitter to my texting, going back to the texting, man, you just gotta sit there and it takes forever to pop up. | ||
| Do you know how to cancel out the running programs? | ||
| Do you know how to do that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, that's the problem. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta cancel out your running programs. | ||
| It's like a computer. | ||
| It's really stupid. | ||
| It's a stupid fucking design. | ||
| But if you press that home button, the button on your screen, you gotta press it twice. | ||
| And when it does that, a bunch of icons show up in the bottom of the screen, and you've got to manually go through. | ||
| You press one of them, you hold it, and it gives you the option to delete it, and then you go through all of them, deleting all of them. | ||
| And all you're doing is shutting them off. | ||
| It's the stupidest thing ever. | ||
| It is one of Apple's dumbest, clumsiest fucking designs. | ||
| Well, I don't think you're going to have to worry about it too much anymore because this processor is two times faster now, and the graphics are seven times faster. | ||
| Yeah, but still the fact that all these applications stay open and running in the background is dumb as fuck. | ||
| They're only running the first four. | ||
| They might show all of it running, but supposedly none of those other programs are running except the first four. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then the camera, though, 33% more light. | ||
| But why isn't it when you shut it off, it's off? | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| Because it's called multitasking, so you can go through it back and forth. | ||
| So it keeps the program running. | ||
| But it only supposedly, I thought, only kept the first four. | ||
| It might show all the other programs, but it's only actually using the first four. | ||
| That is cool, though, because I have had to tweet something that somebody sent me in a text, and then I copy in the text, and I go right back to the tweet, and it's right on the same page. | ||
| That's exactly where it was, which it wouldn't be if I had to close it and open it every time. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
|
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|
That's huge. | |
| Yeah, that's pretty big. | ||
| The problem is, going back, like, you're going to have to, before you go to texting, you're going to have to shut everything off. | ||
| That's probably even slower than just hitting the text and waiting for, like, 20 seconds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I mean, they need to work on that, because that's a big fucking problem. | ||
| Wait, what did you say? | ||
| What was that again? | ||
| So you've got to turn off these programs so that you don't get that delay going back to the text? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's the processor thing for the most part. | ||
| I mean you can be running four intensive programs. | ||
| Like if you had something crazy on like Ustream Broadcast, or I don't even know if that's an intense program, or a video game, that might slow it down a lot. | ||
| But this is two times faster now, so you probably won't be having that problem if that is the case of those four programs previously. | ||
| Another thing that's very interesting that this new phone supposedly has is it has two antennas. | ||
| One antenna that sends, one antenna that receives, instead of it both happening at the same time. | ||
| So, like, it's supposed to double. | ||
| I might not be interpreting it exactly correctly, but it's supposed to be able to double the downloads. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know about the antenna thing. | ||
| I do know it uses the Verizon antenna, but I didn't see, I'm looking for that right now, what you're talking about. | ||
| That would make sense. | ||
| That would be awesome if it had an antenna for both. | ||
| I read about it. | ||
| I don't know which one of the websites I read about it, but basically they had duplicated 4G speeds with a 3G device, or what some people consider 4G speeds. | ||
| Because there's some bunk-ass 4G. If you get that Verizon 4G, that's badass, man. | ||
| I got one of those laptop cards, man, at the airport. | ||
| If you're in a place where it's 4G, it's amazing. | ||
| It's like Wi-Fi. | ||
| It's like the best Wi-Fi. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| What I want to know, though, is this new version, and it sounds like what you're talking about, this would make sense, is this new version for Verizon, are you going to be able to talk and do data at the same time now? | ||
| The 4LTE network, you can do that. | ||
| It's a totally different network. | ||
| Yeah, but this isn't the LTE network. | ||
| The 4G, anything that's 4G. All right, so this isn't 4G. That was one of the big things that I think because the network's not ready for iPhone. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| You know, one thing that I think they need to improve upon, I think if they put... | ||
| Like a headphone earpiece on each side where you can click it off and it's wireless and you can put it on your... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And then click it back. | ||
| You always have your headphones with you. | ||
| Because so many times I forget to bring my fucking headphones. | ||
| You know how many times I buy headphones at the goddamn airport? | ||
| If they just had one that clicked on the corners and you could pop it off... | ||
| And then you lose it and then your iPhone is... | ||
| Everyone's going to love lost that in the first week. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Or you know where you can pull shit out and then there's a wire? | ||
| Even one of those, you know what I mean? | ||
| And then you pop it back in. | ||
| Are you talking about headphones for listening to things or for talking on the phone? | ||
| Headphones for listening to shit. | ||
| Like videos and stuff. | ||
| You're not talking about for talking on the phone. | ||
| Well then it would work for that too. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, I never use a headphone to talk on the phone. | ||
| I always hold the phone up to my head. | ||
| But the more I'm reading about radiation, the more I'm reading about cell phone radiation, the more it really has me thinking. | ||
| I'm really starting to think, is there really something to that? | ||
| Because what they accept, like they say, with the acceptable range of radiation you're allowed to have. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| This whole time, the wizards were right. | ||
| Talking on speakerphone outside is the way to go. | ||
| They're concerned about their... | ||
| You just called black people wizards. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| They are wizards. | ||
| Those black dudes who are really aggressive who talk on their speakerphone and their cell phone. | ||
| They're wizards? | ||
| They're wizards. | ||
| They're smart wizards because they're not getting radiation in their head. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| All those people that use speakerphone, I'm not saying wizards, but I'm talking about everybody. | ||
| My ex-girlfriend does it too. | ||
| All those people that use the speakerphone, they're probably thinking of it that, maybe. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| You know, when you get to this 4G shit, too. | ||
| Now you got some super potent stuff that's flying through the fucking air. | ||
| What is all this shit flying through the air, man? | ||
| Where's it going? | ||
| I mean, how does that interact with our cells? | ||
| The fact that all these different Wi-Fi signals and, you know... | ||
| Dude, if we could put on one of those infrared goggles, but you could see... | ||
| signal and the information coming through if you could just see everything you know what i mean we're in a sea of like frequencies who the fuck knows what that actually looks like someone knows how it works like who the fuck figured out how a cell phone works you know what i mean now we're sending video through the air someone figured out that there was like some tracks that we could put I'm like, Jesus, that's magic. | ||
| And when you're in a place that has nothing, there's a certain sound to the silence, like of the mountains. | ||
| There's a certain sound where it's almost like... | ||
| All around us isn't really a sound, but just a very low frequency that we can't tune into. | ||
| Imagine if it just affects your everyday consciousness. | ||
| You just don't realize it. | ||
| If your everyday consciousness is just slightly pressured by all of these vibrations that are around you all the time, all these cell phone signals and fucking Wi-Fi signals and satellite signals and radio signals and... | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Imagine if that is really fucking with our personalities. | ||
| Imagine if you'd be a different person, or at least... | ||
| ADD. Feel different. | ||
| Yeah, ADD. Who knows? | ||
| Who knows how many different things? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I wonder what all this shit is doing to us. | ||
| It's only been around for a few... | ||
| How long? | ||
| It started with TV signals and radio signals. | ||
| Radio first, then TV. But within the last couple decades, the amount of infiltration in our lives by frequencies and signals... | ||
| Just walkie-talkies, man. | ||
| How the fuck did they figure out walkie-talkies? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's amazing! | ||
| A walkie-talkie is fucking crazy! | ||
| Well, they used to be able to send things and they weren't encoded either. | ||
| They would have to manually encode their information because they didn't want people... | ||
| The enemy was tuning into their shit too. | ||
| So everybody had to talk in code. | ||
| Wrap your head around that. | ||
| Not only is there no email, but when you send some signal out, anybody can get that signal. | ||
| So you're in the bottom of the submarine. | ||
|
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The Japanese are listening. | |
| They hear your fucking signal. | ||
| You can't just send it just to you. | ||
| You know what's crazy? | ||
| As technology just snowballs, the more access we have to instant information, like infinite information, the more free we feel, the more we can keep track of. | ||
| When you watch CSI, shit! | ||
| Every move you make, they can just break it down from your cell phones. | ||
| They know what cell phone tower you hit. | ||
| They know exactly where you were from the cell phone towers. | ||
| They can go back and all the deleted messages that you, all shit you deleted, they can go back and retrieve them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like there's some kind of imprint of this shit somewhere. | ||
| Like, holy fuck. | ||
| We think like, oh, we're more powerful, more connected. | ||
| We're more under control more than anything, you know? | ||
| Every little move we make, they know exactly. | ||
| If they needed to pinpoint somebody, how easy it is to fucking find somebody. | ||
| You're going to live off the grid? | ||
| How long is that going to last? | ||
| You better go to the Amazon jungle, you know what I mean? | ||
| That's the only place you're going to survive. | ||
| They'll find you. | ||
| Well, certainly the connection is much more immersive than it's ever been before. | ||
| There's never been at any point in time where people are so easy to get in contact with other people. | ||
| Yeah, it's incredible. | ||
| Did you hear about that guy around your neighborhood? | ||
| He flew off the side of a cliff, and there wasn't cell phone service there, so he couldn't use his cell phone. | ||
| And he got in a car accident with another person or something like that, and then both of their cars are down there. | ||
| The other guy died. | ||
| And so his body was like, you know, everywhere. | ||
| And he broke like every single bone in his body, was still alive, and tried to crawl out, but he couldn't move because everything was broken. | ||
| And for 10 days, he sat down there with this dead guy living off of grass and bugs. | ||
| And there was like a little creek water, I guess he would drink. | ||
| But for 10 days, he lived there. | ||
| And then one day his son or something like that was going down the road looking. | ||
| They're still kind of looking for him and stuff. | ||
| And he heard his dad yell for help, and they found his body. | ||
| But he didn't have cell phone service there. | ||
| And if he would have been able to – he said the whole time he was just searching his cell phone, and his cell phone died and stuff. | ||
| But can you imagine 10 days on the bottom of a creek and there's not cell phone service? | ||
| And he was just all fucked up so he couldn't walk out of there? | ||
| Yeah, but he's alive now and he's recovering and everything. | ||
| But imagine being 10 days around a dead person, too. | ||
| Well, it's also just... | ||
| You think of, A, how vulnerable your body is. | ||
| And if your body breaks, you're just stuck. | ||
| You can't move. | ||
| I don't think... | ||
| Most of us don't wrap our heads around that. | ||
| Your body breaks and then you can't move. | ||
| And then being out in the woods. | ||
| So you get two things that scare the fuck out of people. | ||
| Being alone out in the uncharted... | ||
| You're just hearing cars driving by you, above you, every day. | ||
| It's all it has to be. | ||
| It's just the side of the roads, you know, some area that people drive by every day. | ||
| That might as well be uncharted wilderness. | ||
| Nobody goes by. | ||
| Yeah, they said that people fly off of those cliffs all the time and never get found. | ||
| Because it's just like, who goes down there? | ||
| No one goes down there. | ||
| Nobody goes looking. | ||
| They find cars down there all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's a scary thing, man. | ||
| That's the... | ||
| Cliff driving. | ||
| You ever do the Pacific Coast high? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Pacific Coast all the way up to Monterey? | ||
| Not all the way up. | ||
| Ooh, that's scary. | ||
| It's beautiful as fuck. | ||
| The first time I did it, I was 28 years old and I never took that drive. | ||
| I was like, I live in California and I never knew that it was one of the most beautiful states ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Incredible scenery. | ||
| The cliffs and the rocks. | ||
| It's so hard to even wrap your head around it. | ||
| It's magnificent. | ||
| I kept pulling over. | ||
| The girl I was with, we took a little trip for a couple days. | ||
| I kept pulling over just videotaping. | ||
| I couldn't believe this was California. | ||
| I'm like, holy shit. | ||
| I've never been up to Northern California before. | ||
| On the coast. | ||
| There's a lot of parts of that fucking drive where you're just counting on the other asshole on the other side to just be cool. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| Keep it together. | ||
| Stay in your fucking lane. | ||
| Don't be texting. | ||
| Isn't it crazy how they put a big halt to that satellite phone? | ||
| Remember? | ||
| It was big like six, seven years ago. | ||
| It was like the future. | ||
| And the commercial was, dude was in the wilderness on a mountain and he was making a call like, this is the best shit. | ||
| And then boom, they just shut it all down. | ||
| No, they have satellite phones. | ||
| How come it didn't blow up? | ||
| Oh no, it's just not that efficient. | ||
| You have a world phone now. | ||
| Didn't they shut down the satellite phones because of the whole terrorism thing? | ||
| I think they briefly shut them down around that time period, but I think they still have them. | ||
| Somebody had a satellite phone the other day. | ||
| Oh wait, that was lost. | ||
| I think they use them on a set of Fear Factor if we're in a tricky situation. | ||
| Wouldn't that blow the fuck up? | ||
| I know we used to. | ||
| We used to use them all the time. | ||
| We used to have to use satellite phones. | ||
| There were certain sets that we'd be on, but there was nothing. | ||
| You would think that would be huge. | ||
| I thought they got shut down. | ||
| Where's the commercials? | ||
| I think it's expensive. | ||
| I don't think the sound quality is that good either. | ||
| There's a big delay. | ||
| I shouldn't say a big delay. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| It goes up to the sky and then back down. | ||
| They should have regular phones with fucking 9G. You've got the satellite if you need it. | ||
| You just click on the little thing just in case. | ||
| These stories flying off cliffs and shit, getting lost in the woods. | ||
| How many movies have someone getting chased... | ||
| And their cell phone signal sucks. | ||
| Well, now it's a good idea because now the chips are slowly shrinking to the point where you could get all that in one phone. | ||
| But if you ever look at the satellite phones, there's a reason why they're big, giant bricks. | ||
| I mean, the receiver has to be completely different than a little tiny one that's in a phone. | ||
| That's got to be the new pimp floss thing. | ||
| It's also, nowadays, cars have it built in. | ||
| Like, my car has a feature in it that you can turn on that if I get in a car accident, it automatically detects my GPS and sends it and calls 911 for me. | ||
| Yeah, Ford does that, right? | ||
| Yeah, Ford Sync. | ||
| Somebody told me this, and I don't know if it's true, so Twitter people fucking inform me. | ||
| Tell me if this is true. | ||
| Somebody said that a dude bought a Corvette and it had that, what is that, the thing, the OnStar system? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| OnStar? | ||
| Guy was going down the highway going 148 miles an hour or something crazy like that. | ||
| OnStar shut off his car and called the police. | ||
| No, that's not true. | ||
| You sure that's not true? | ||
| 100%, that's not true. | ||
| No way that OnStar even is monitoring how fast you're driving or doing anything like that. | ||
| I thought it saves information if you're in a wreck that can find out that you're speeding. | ||
| It might save it, but there's so many cars that have OnStar and the fact that they actually have people sitting there going, alright, he's going 120 over here. | ||
| There's no one monitoring that unless you get in a car accident. | ||
| Maybe it's the program itself. | ||
| Maybe OnStar itself, when it recognizes that you hit a certain amount of miles per hour, they shut your car off. | ||
| You don't think that's possible? | ||
| Well, I know it's possible that they could shut it off if someone's driving it, right? | ||
| Can't they shut it off? | ||
| Yeah, what's that called? | ||
| Jack something Jack? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think they've done that to crooks. | ||
| Haven't they done that to people before? | ||
| Shut their cars off while they're driving it? | ||
| It seems like they have. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe I'm making this up. | ||
| That was from Steal a Car. | ||
| That was that one reality show where people steal cars. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's what I'm thinking of. | ||
| But you know, the way things are going... | ||
|
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Ultimately, it looks like... | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I could be wrong, but it looks like... | ||
| Like it's just going to be mandatory. | ||
| It's going to be law that the CHP or the police department or whatever the fuck they call the force back then has GPS on your shit. | ||
| And like the DMV. | ||
| And they just monitor every mile you drive. | ||
| So anytime you fuck up, they just send you tickets. | ||
| They go, we have your GPS fingerprint. | ||
| Your GPS record. | ||
| Can you imagine that shit? | ||
| Fuck them cameras. | ||
| Like in England, they got cameras, they got, you know, that they take pictures, but they're not going to need that. | ||
| The DMV is just going to monitor your driving. | ||
| Every day you'll have a sheet. | ||
| Oh, he broke, you know, there's a ticket, here's a ticket, boom. | ||
| No more hiding. | ||
| Yeah, no more speeding. | ||
| You have to go to a track if you want to go fast. | ||
| There'll be spots like that. | ||
| Sometimes speed limit's ridiculous. | ||
| For the most part, speed limit's probably pretty smart to have a decent number set in a lot of places. | ||
| But there's a lot of places where it's silly. | ||
| Like the highway. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| When you see 55 miles an hour, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's stupid. | ||
| That's a stupid way to move. | ||
| 55 miles an hour, what kind of car do you have? | ||
| Maybe if you're a fucking old jalopy back when they instituted that speed limit, it made sense. | ||
| Because if you were going more than 55 miles an hour in an old fucking Chevy Nova, one of those six-cylinder shitboxes, those brakes suck, dude. | ||
| If you were actually going fast in one of those cars, I mean, they're awesome cars when people rebuild them, don't get me wrong, but I mean... | ||
| Compared to today's technology, the technology of those cars, they couldn't handle well and they couldn't brake well. | ||
| I have nightmares where I can't... | ||
| You have nightmares where you're braking the car and you're braking. | ||
| It's not working. | ||
| You're just like slamming on the brakes. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| That's a common nightmare. | ||
| That's why we need to move to Texas. | ||
| I heard that they're voting to get the speed limit moved to 90, I think is what they were saying. | ||
| Something crazy. | ||
| Maybe it was 80, but... | ||
| There's a lot of parts of Texas I fucking love. | ||
| Oh, speaking of which, I'm in Texas this weekend. | ||
| Powerful Verizon Center this Friday night. | ||
| And you haven't been to Houston in so long. | ||
| You used to own Houston. | ||
| Every time you went in the town, you would sell... | ||
| Houston owned me. | ||
| No, I know, but you would sell out every single show. | ||
| That was the biggest market, and then they closed the comedy club that we loved to go to. | ||
| Went to the second comedy club. | ||
| Remember our boy in Houston? | ||
| I don't want to say his name, but remember our boy in Houston? | ||
| He came out on the road with us. | ||
| Red Devil. | ||
| Oh, when he was in Houston. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
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|
Red Devil. | |
| Houston is... | ||
| He never came on the road with us. | ||
| We were always going on the road. | ||
| This is a subject that no one's going to know what the fuck we're talking about. | ||
| Yeah, that's why you explain it. | ||
| There's a mic. | ||
| We've got three hours. | ||
| But anyways... | ||
| Is it Toyota Center or Verizon Center? | ||
| Verizon Center is where the stand-up is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You were on a radio station there the other day, and you said that that radio was pretty ridiculous. | ||
| They were nice. | ||
| They were cool. | ||
| They played that Voodoo Poonani song. | ||
| Yeah, they play your song all the time. | ||
| Yeah, he was just quoting a bit that I did. | ||
| I was like, what are you talking about? | ||
| I don't even know that bit. | ||
| But now, after I got off the phone with him, I was like, damn, I think he was right. | ||
| I think that is a line in one of my old bits that I forgot. | ||
| Because he was talking something about a toe ring. | ||
| I'm like, I don't have a joke about a toe ring. | ||
| And he goes, yeah, you do. | ||
| And I'm like, are you high or drunk? | ||
| I don't remember a joke about it. | ||
| I think it's a line in one of my old, old jokes. | ||
| I've played back my shit from 1999, and it's almost as if it's someone else's material. | ||
| I don't even know it anymore. | ||
| I mean, I remember it. | ||
| Yeah, that was one of my jokes. | ||
| But I don't even know them anymore. | ||
| So if somebody quotes a little piece of it, I might not even know what the fuck they're talking about. | ||
| It seems so weird for something that for years you're so intimately connected to. | ||
| But when you have material and then you abandon it and start on some new material, you fucking forget everything. | ||
| Dude, when you started smoking weed, what was it, 32? | ||
| Something like that, 31 or 32. You went from like pure dick jokes and relationship jokes and chick jokes and cock-blocking jokes and then right into your pyramid bit. | ||
| You started smoking weed, you went into the pyramid bit. | ||
| Dumb people are out fucking smart people at a staggering pace. | ||
|
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|
White Doritos are so funny. | |
| Yeah, it changed my comedy for sure. | ||
| Weed made a complete turn in my comedy. | ||
| You know, it's like I just kind of learn to see things differently, you know? | ||
| You had some good classics before we, though. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| The fucking Tiger bit. | ||
| The Tiger bit. | ||
| How many times have I been on the road and I just wanted to hear the Tiger? | ||
| I heard it like a thousand times and I'm always like, Tiger! | ||
| You're like, shut up, motherfucker. | ||
| That was one of those bits that was so hard to let go. | ||
| Tiger was the ultimate bit. | ||
| I'll never get tired of that one. | ||
| I had to let it go, though. | ||
| Whenever you've got new material, you can't keep remembering the old material. | ||
| I really don't remember exactly how it goes. | ||
| Can I get a little Tiger sound? | ||
| Just give me a little... | ||
|
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|
That's fucking so real! | |
| Roar. | ||
| That was not the... | ||
| That's more of a bear. | ||
| I can do a bear. | ||
| I can't do a tiger. | ||
| Remember you had a bear joke too? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Remember when the bear attacked the karate trainer? | ||
| There was a guy who was a trainer and he's dressed in a karate outfit and he had a lady come on stage with him and the lady sat in the chair and the bear turned and looked at the lady and just started fucking her up. | ||
| Just started fucking her up. | ||
| But it was just like the bear just woke up and realized... | ||
| I'm a fucking bear! | ||
| And then he just starts wailing. | ||
| Like, out of nowhere, the dude had a karate outfit. | ||
| He was trying to protect the guy. | ||
| Is that on YouTube? | ||
| That was way before YouTube. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The bit? | |
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| The story? | ||
| The actual story. | ||
| The actual video? | ||
| Yeah, I bet somebody put it online. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I would like to see. | ||
| Because I heard it so much. | ||
| I heard that joke so much. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I've never actually seen the real footage of it. | ||
| The bear just turns to this lady and starts fucking her up for no reason. | ||
| She sat down. | ||
| That's the weirdest thing about animals, man. | ||
| Sometimes you don't realize, but like trained animals, sometimes they're just tweaked. | ||
| Like, they're tired of this. | ||
| They don't want to do this anymore. | ||
| It's just stupid. | ||
| I don't want to be led around. | ||
| Why are you fucking with me? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| And then it looks normal because they do it every day and they don't know how to communicate. | ||
| But they're a little tweaked. | ||
| And so they sit down and a fucking lady sits right now next to them. | ||
| And he just decides to fuck her up out of nowhere. | ||
| And it looks like it's out of nowhere. | ||
| But it's been built up all day because you've got this fucking stupid bear doing somersaults. | ||
| You know, you got this bear, you know? | ||
| Instead of killing deers and eating berries and shit, this bear is running around on chairs, you know, playing musical chairs. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing, man? | ||
| That's a big, crazy, unpredictable animal. | ||
| There's a video of a dude who was training a bear, and he was training it with, I believe it was his brother or his cousin, someone who was a close family member. | ||
| I think it was his brother. | ||
| And the bear just turns on the guy for no reason and rips his throat out. | ||
| It happens in 30, not even 30 seconds, 10 seconds, maybe, maximum, for no reason. | ||
| They're all, had this bear in this room, the bear just turns on the guy, goes right at his neck and rips it out. | ||
| And the guy bled out and died right there. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that when these trained animals, a lot of them, when they attack, they don't kill them because it's like they give them another chance. | ||
| Like the killer whale. | ||
| Didn't they give that killer whale a couple chances? | ||
| This bear. | ||
| They didn't kill this bear. | ||
| Why? | ||
| It just seems like it costs more money to retrain another bear than to pay the insurance policy on it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's got to be what it is. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I don't understand how anybody can convince anybody that a bear that has already killed a person who offered no threat whatsoever, that thing, if a person did that, you would kill them. | ||
| You would give them the death penalty. | ||
| In a right society, if you saw someone run up to someone for no reason and rip their throat out, you would kill them. | ||
| Why the fuck would you give a bear more rights than you give a Maybe not kill the bear because I don't blame the bear for doing that, but lock him away somewhere or something. | ||
| Don't continue to use him as a buffoon. | ||
| He's going to attack again. | ||
| I would think locking a bear away would be cruel and unusual punishment. | ||
| I'd say just put one in his fucking dome. | ||
| Release him in the wild. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Give him a chance. | ||
| A bear that you take and you train and you do all that with and then it turns and eats your brother's fucking throat in front of you, you're supposed to kill that thing. | ||
| That crazy wild thing that you thought you were in control of. | ||
| The fuck is wrong with that? | ||
| If it was up to me, I would take him up to the mountains and give him a chance. | ||
| Let him loose? | ||
| No survival skills or anything. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| But at least you give him a chance. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Maybe they can make it. | ||
| Maybe, but they'll probably die. | ||
| That's a terrible idea because then you set an animal loose that's used to being in contact with human beings and you set him out in the woods and he will find human beings. | ||
| And it poses a direct threat to those people. | ||
| They're really dangerous. | ||
| Once you have habitualized a bear... | ||
| To people, they have to lock them up. | ||
| They have to put them in cages and zoos. | ||
| The zoos that we went to in Colorado, I learned that there. | ||
| Because they had these bears and these bears had gotten, they're big ass grizzlies, man. | ||
| Big ass brown bears. | ||
| And they were getting into people's garbage. | ||
| And once they find this is where the people keep the food, it's a source of food, they won't go away. | ||
| You can't scare them. | ||
| At a certain point in time, they just get used to you and they just fuck you. | ||
| So unless you shoot them, they have to have someone come and capture them and they take them away. | ||
| You can't just let that bear lose. | ||
| If you let that bear lose, he would find people and fuck them up. | ||
| I remember that one time I did five grams of mushrooms and I went to the zoo. | ||
| I thought it'd be a great idea. | ||
| And by the time I got to the zoo, that's when it started kicking in. | ||
| I blew up at the zoo. | ||
| That freaked me out. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, these animals are fucking sad as hell. | ||
| They're all captured. | ||
| They're imprisoned. | ||
| I ran out of that goddamn zoo. | ||
| That's how those people was jumping into the polar bear cages. | ||
| They're always on shrooms or some kind of drill. | ||
| The polar bear was... | ||
| It's like a little fucking old school little auditorium theater thing that you got for this polar bear. | ||
| And there's a door backstage. | ||
| And it just kept walking to that door. | ||
| And then it would walk away from the door a couple yards. | ||
| And walking back, waiting for someone to open that door. | ||
| It was just pacing back and forth non-stop, this polar bear. | ||
| I'm like, wow, I freaked the fuck out. | ||
| He's just hoping that some asshole comes and opens the door and he can bite him and drag him in there and finish him off. | ||
| That's what they're doing. | ||
| They're just dying for someone to go in there so they can jack him. | ||
| Crazy shit. | ||
| You ever seen the video of the lady getting her leg broken? | ||
| He bites down on her leg and he's pulling her leg through the fucking bars? | ||
| Polar bears are motherfuckers, man. | ||
| They're real motherfuckers. | ||
| And you don't ever really tame those things. | ||
| Those things, they're the craziest bears of all because they're the straight carnivore bears. | ||
| All the other bears eat fruits and berries. | ||
| There's no fucking fruits and berries where the polar bear lives. | ||
| Just Coca-Cola. | ||
| Just seals and people and whatever the fuck else he can eat. | ||
| Whales. | ||
| They eat whales. | ||
| They find a hole where a whale got stuck under a giant sheet of ice and the whale can't go anywhere. | ||
| So every time the whale comes up to get some air, boom, polar bear jacks him. | ||
| Takes a bite out of him. | ||
| So these whales, like you see them, and after a while, the top of their back is just destroyed from polar bears just biting them over and over and over and over again. | ||
| And then eventually they kill it. | ||
| So a small whale or something like that, they get stuck in there, a pilot whale, they just slowly bite them to death. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| Did you see the video of the mariachi band playing music for, I think it was a, what are those, snow lions or something like that? | ||
| Snow leopards? | ||
| There's big things. | ||
| There's big blobby, they almost look like hippos. | ||
| What's the ones that are all seals? | ||
| Walruses? | ||
| Sea lions? | ||
| Maybe that. | ||
| But it was so cool. | ||
| It looked like it was having a fun time watching. | ||
| It was going back and forth. | ||
| Explain what you saw. | ||
| Okay, here. | ||
| I'll show it to you. | ||
| I think it's on Google. | ||
| Mariachi band. | ||
| Mariachi band. | ||
| Sea Lion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| So they're playing the music and the sea lion's dancing along with it? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| And one of the trumpet players would go... | ||
| And tilt his head up and down. | ||
| And then it would tilt its head up and down. | ||
| And it just looked like it was having the time of its life. | ||
| It's one of the coolest videos I've seen. | ||
| I'll find it right now. | ||
| I always wonder what kind of an effect music would have on animals. | ||
| Because, you know, in the animal kingdom... | ||
| It's actually a beluga whale. | ||
| No communication at all. | ||
| But why wouldn't music... | ||
| Impact them the same way it impacts us. | ||
| Why wouldn't it be exciting and interesting to them? | ||
| It's actually a beluga whale, and if you look at it, it's on break.com. | ||
| It's mariachi band serenades a beluga whale. | ||
| And it's just going back and forth. | ||
| Well, that makes sense, because whales are way smarter than sea lions. | ||
| And I start... | ||
| It is... | ||
| You thought that was a sea lion? | ||
| I couldn't remember what it was. | ||
| And they start playing more and more, and it starts really nodding its head. | ||
| You know what's interesting about this? | ||
| That we're amazed that this is intelligent. | ||
| Because if that was a person, and if you're like, look at my boy. | ||
| I took my boy to see the mariachi band. | ||
| Look how my boy nods. | ||
| He nods. | ||
| He acknowledges them. | ||
| They acknowledge him back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| My boy's brilliant. | ||
| So far he's not really doing anything significant. | ||
| Does it get better? | ||
| The only reason why this is interesting is because it's not a human. | ||
| If it's a person, that's a drooling idiot listening to bad music. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Wait, let me see him get to the good part. | ||
| Right now he's just going, what the fuck are those hats? | ||
| Well, before they were nodding with the music and stuff like that. | ||
| I mean, it's kind of cute. | ||
| I'm not saying it's like a breakthrough in science or anything. | ||
| It's just a cool video to watch. | ||
| I think you were saying it was a breakthrough in science. | ||
| I think that dolphin's like, you guys got fish or something? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Yeah, I think he's bored as fuck. | ||
| Trapped in jail. | ||
| Is it snack time? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| People are filming him. | ||
| Nachos? | ||
| Assholes make weird music. | ||
| Yeah, poor thing. | ||
| He's in jail, man. | ||
| That thing's in jail. | ||
| No wonder. | ||
| He'll fucking stare at you when you come to the glass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, amazing. | ||
| Are you going to let me go? | ||
| Is it today, Freedom Day? | ||
| That's the thing that we have to be the most concerned about with aliens, man. | ||
| Because think of the disrespect that we have for everything even remotely dumber than us. | ||
| Even whales, like killer whales, orcas, dolphins, those are thought to be really intelligent animals. | ||
| We don't totally understand their languages. | ||
| We know that they have, like some of them have dialects and shit. | ||
| They're really complicated, both killer whales and dolphins. | ||
| They're like cousins of each other. | ||
| But we don't understand what they say. | ||
| So we're like, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Get in the tank. | ||
| And we just force them into prison for us. | ||
| And we all go watch them perform and fly through the air and splash as everybody claps. | ||
| We're watching slaves. | ||
| We're watching babies that were stolen from their mothers, from intelligent animals that miss them. | ||
| And we don't care because we don't understand what they're saying. | ||
| La la la, not listening! | ||
| What's the latest on deciphering the dolphin or whale language? | ||
| I mean, because we're trying to teach them our words, like jump, trick. | ||
| That's the crazy thing. | ||
| They can recognize many, many human words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| But we can't understand a single thing that they're saying. | ||
| There's got to be someone on the case trying to decipher that shit. | ||
| Well, that's what Timothy Leary was doing. | ||
| Oh, not Timothy Leary, rather. | ||
| The guy who created the isolation tank. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Is there some new shit with the isolation tank where they're sending radio waves through it now? | ||
| Is that the latest thing? | ||
| Or is it still you laying in water at a certain temperature? | ||
| Or is there some electromagnetic shit going on now? | ||
| Well, they do have some where they play sound. | ||
| Float Lab has got some crazy new video screen that they're developing. | ||
| Where it sits right in front of you and has the lowest possible emission of light so that you don't see the machinery at all. | ||
| All you see is the image that's being played on this DVD because you're in total complete darkness in there. | ||
| And the speakers are these sort of underwater, waterproof speakers that are beside each ear. | ||
| They're fixed in place. | ||
| So you set yourself in between these two speakers and then this video plays. | ||
| And in the sensory deprivation environment, When you're in there, you are weightless and bodiless and you don't feel shit. | ||
| You feel like you're flying through the universe and then all of a sudden this image appears right before you and the sound is to the side of you. | ||
| It sounds pretty dope. | ||
| I haven't tried it though. | ||
| I like going in there and just... | ||
| I don't want to... | ||
| I'm not looking to add anything. | ||
| I'm looking to figure out what the fuck is out there. | ||
| You know, when I go into the tank, I'm never thinking, oh, how dope would this if I played Whole Lotta Love while I was in there? | ||
| I'm going to get high as fuck and then I'm going to... | ||
| It would be cool to do, but to me, my time in there, what I gravitate towards is doing it with nothing. | ||
| I like silence, and I like seeing where the fuck my crazy imagination takes me, or where the muse takes me, or whatever happens. | ||
| Now imagine recording all of it. | ||
| Do you see that thing where scientists can now record? | ||
| And this is scary. | ||
| This is a thing they have on Gizmodo about where they had somebody watch a bunch of videos. | ||
| And then they recorded the brain's activity. | ||
| And they show on this video, it compares what they actually saw and what the brain sees. | ||
| Yeah, they've done that to cats. | ||
| I've seen the videos. | ||
| Yeah, they've recorded them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy, right? | |
| So can you imagine now, like 10 years from now, they're going to be able to record everything that you see? | ||
| You're not going to be able to lie anymore. | ||
| You're not going to be able to do anything. | ||
| That's where it's headed. | ||
| Ultimately, there'll be waterproof iPhones that you could swim with and it translates what you're saying to dolphin language so that you could just communicate with dolphins. | ||
| I mean, it's getting crazy, right? | ||
| I don't think they're ever going to be able to figure out the dolphin thing. | ||
| They're so far off. | ||
| Dolphin app. | ||
| Never say never. | ||
| Humans communicating with humans is going to get real weird, man. | ||
| You don't think they can figure that out, dolphin boys? | ||
| They're not close. | ||
| They're not even close. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck the dolphins are saying. | ||
| They can't talk to dolphins. | ||
| They can't send out a message to dolphins. | ||
| Hello, dolphin world. | ||
| We are friendly. | ||
| But what if they created some instrument where they decipher some sounds and they go, let's see what this sound is. | ||
| Dissect the sounds, edit them, put them together, and then play them for the dolphin. | ||
| And maybe the dolphin goes, that doesn't make any sense, but that was kind of weird. | ||
| And then you slowly put words together. | ||
| Like, oh, we got eat. | ||
| We got the one for... | ||
| Even if they had like three words down, you know what I mean? | ||
| Then they go... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, maybe we should research where the dolphin communication world is at right now. | ||
| I want to know. | ||
| I want to see a documentary. | ||
| John Lilly, that was one of the reasons why he created what he rather uses, that he used the tank for. | ||
| He used to put a tank, an isolation tank, right next to this dolphin tank, and he would drop acid and get in the tank and communicate with the dolphins. | ||
| And he's like this pioneer in interspecies communication because of that. | ||
| But what does that mean? | ||
| How much have they figured out? | ||
| As far as I know, they have figured out very little. | ||
| And I think the whole dolphin language is a mystery. | ||
| But we do know that they have dialects. | ||
| We know that different dolphin pods, if they're from a different place, they'll have a different twang. | ||
| If they know that, if they can tell that it's a different dialect... | ||
| I think it's a matter of context. | ||
| If you lived in a world, see, we live in a material world, as is the ocean. | ||
| ocean is a material world but it's in a material world where you're not stuck to the ground you're going all over the place your world you're you are flying through your world everyone is flying through the world of the ocean it's a completely different experience to not be able to alter your environment to develop some sort of intelligence to the level that dolphins have and and orcas have to the point where they'll help people they recognize when people are in trouble and they help them like killer whales will like help people get to boats yes i want to see i want - | ||
| I'm gonna read something on that. | ||
| Twitter people. | ||
| I want some documented... | ||
| That's happened. | ||
| And exactly what's happened. | ||
| How the hell did they... | ||
| There's been more than one instance of guys capsizing on boats and orcas helping them. | ||
| Help them back into the boat. | ||
| It's amazing how orcas don't attack humans. | ||
| Yeah, they don't. | ||
| But will people swim with a pot of orcas? | ||
| Will they... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get in the water? | ||
| I don't know if they will let you do that, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Especially if they have children. | ||
| That doesn't seem to be a good idea. | ||
| I know people have been bitten or nudged or bumped and shit before, but I think they're pretty fucking easy going with people. | ||
| There was something I read online a long time ago, but it turned out to be horse shit. | ||
| It was that people used to get killed by killer whales all the time until fighter pilots in World War II started using orcas for target practice. | ||
| You know, and they do do shit like that. | ||
| I mean, they would use like killer whales or sharks or something like that for target practice when they're flying. | ||
| Yeah, I heard that. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, killer whales... | ||
| Stop killing people. | ||
| They had like some kind of committee and they said, you know what, it's a good idea for the existence of our species. | ||
| Don't Fuck with these humans. | ||
| These pink monkeys with their bang sticks. | ||
| You don't want to be fucking with them. | ||
| They can do some damage. | ||
| They can get out in our world and we can't go to their world. | ||
| So they just get in big wooden boats and go out to our world. | ||
| And as long as the boat's big enough, you get in one of those giant ocean liner type things, what the fuck's killer? | ||
| We're going to do that. | ||
| You can just go around jacking them left and right. | ||
| It was a terrible environment they live in. | ||
| It's crazy how the dolphins in the Caribbean or in the Gulf of Mexico or the Bahamas in that area, the ones they study, they did a... | ||
| I saw a documentary on it and it's a trip how they capture females. | ||
| They capture them Either two males, it's either two males and they capture one female at a time for like a month and then they jack her. | ||
| Or it's a big group of males, like 15 to 20, and they capture a bunch of females and make sure they don't swim off the pot. | ||
| And they're just taking turns on them. | ||
| And what's funny is the girls want to leave. | ||
| They want to take off. | ||
| They don't want to be captured. | ||
| Not because they don't want to have sex, but because they want to have sex with as many males in that region. | ||
| So when they have their baby... | ||
| If like a woman, a female dolphin had sex with a hundred male dolphins, when she gives birth and she has to watch over her child for the first three or four years, if she runs into, and she's by herself with her child, they're just swimming around, when they run into males, if those males have had sex with her, they'll leave her alone. | ||
| If those males that run into her didn't have sex with her, they will kill that baby and then capture her and bring her into their little harem. | ||
| They will kill the baby boy if it's not them. | ||
| But if they run into him... | ||
| So the female has to have as much sex as possible. | ||
| She's down with the sex. | ||
| But she wants to leave and go find some more guys before the baby hatches. | ||
| It's crazy, right? | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| But it's insane because people think of dolphins as being these fun-loving, whimsical fairies of the sea. | ||
| There are cousins. | ||
| There are fairies of the sea. | ||
| They're all loving dolphins. | ||
| Because they're cool as fuck to us. | ||
| If you're ever in a boat and you swim by some dolphins or row by some dolphins, they'll jump up and play with you. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| But in the dolphin world, when dicks get hard, shit gets crazy. | ||
| If it's a big group of males and they run into a couple dudes who've captured a chick, they will jack those dudes and steal their girl. | ||
| They go, this is our girl now. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Evil bitches. | ||
| So dolphins are just like people in a lot of ways. | ||
| Everything intelligent, this is what I was saying. | ||
| It's the dolphins in that region, not all dolphins. | ||
| I don't think all dolphins, they all have their own special mating rituals. | ||
| Well, you know, killer whales kill dolphins all the time. | ||
| Not only that, killer whales got their name not from being killers, but from killing whales. | ||
| That's where they came up with the name Killer Whales. | ||
| Killer Whales fuck whales up. | ||
| There's some horrible videos online of Killer Whales biting a whale's face off. | ||
| Like a blue whale or something? | ||
| Yeah, like a big-ass whale and just jacking this whale's face. | ||
| And the whale's trying to swim away and they're just fucking this whale up. | ||
| And it makes you really think, like, wow. | ||
| What we think of is some cute thing that does tricks at the zoo. | ||
| That's a murdering monster that lives in the ocean. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And they're smart. | ||
| And think about what we do to them. | ||
| We don't give a fuck. | ||
| We can't understand them, so we just put them in the cage. | ||
| Get in there, bitch. | ||
| I don't know what you're saying. | ||
| They're going, I miss my mother! | ||
| I miss my father! | ||
| I miss my family! | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I was born to swim the open seas! | ||
| All we hear is... | ||
| What if they have the answers to the universe? | ||
| They know all the answers. | ||
| Where we came from. | ||
| They know everything. | ||
| They've been trying to tell us, but they just can't communicate. | ||
| We don't listen. | ||
| They know all about the Galactic Federation. | ||
| They know what's going on. | ||
| They go, dude, a comet's going to jack you in three years. | ||
| What if all their data was like ones and zeros? | ||
| It was all like modem sounds, and we just haven't been able to. | ||
| People are so... | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Like we used to get a fax. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| our world, we ruin the ocean world too. | ||
| We pollute the ocean world and we eat everything that's in there. | ||
| I mean, think about the two worlds that exist right next to each other, okay? | ||
| There's the world of land and then there's the world of the ocean. | ||
| The world of land, you don't get to fly but, unless you get in tubes and metal and shit like that, but you do get to manipulate matter. | ||
| You get to use your thumbs and make things and create things. | ||
| The world of the ocean, you can fly all over the place, but you can't manipulate matter. | ||
| Well, what happens? | ||
| Well, the ones who can manipulate matter, they figure out a way to make tools and make vehicles to fly over to where you live and fuck you up. | ||
| We don't think about it this way, but we're at war with the ocean. | ||
| Yeah, and we're in an ocean of oxygen. | ||
| We're just like crabs. | ||
| We just can't swim around. | ||
| We're just bottom feeders. | ||
| There's a lot of motherfuckers flying around. | ||
| Right, birds and shit. | ||
| There's an ocean of oxygen that we're walking around in. | ||
| Yeah, but in the ocean... | ||
| Yeah, that's true, right? | ||
| We are the crabs of the outer world, right? | ||
| Because there are animals in the ocean. | ||
| This is an ocean. | ||
| It's just not like the water. | ||
| There's water and then there's oxygen. | ||
| That's a good point because crabs can't fucking swim. | ||
| They're just stuck. | ||
| They're down there to clean things. | ||
| I hate those fuckers. | ||
| Clean up, stupid. | ||
| That's what they are. | ||
| When sharks run around jacking people and a foot falls to the ground, that's where the crabs go at it. | ||
| Crab people. | ||
| Yeah, and crabs, always known for the term crabs in a bucket. | ||
| Whenever you're around people and they're fucking holding each other down... | ||
| Do people still get crabs? | ||
| Do people still get crabs? | ||
| That's not like a 70s thing? | ||
| I thought it was a 70s thing. | ||
| I haven't heard of crabs in years, but I'm sure it's out there. | ||
| You just gotta look for it. | ||
| In high school, they used to say, like, dude, I got the crabs. | ||
| I got crabs. | ||
| If you're around, that was the wrong, dirty, dirty, dirty bitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hippies, you think? | ||
| Crabs? | ||
| That's how I got it. | ||
| You got crabs from hippies, really? | ||
| Can you have crabs if you shave your pussy? | ||
| Is it possible? | ||
| It's really hard. | ||
| It's harder. | ||
| That's probably why girls started shaving their pussies. | ||
| It was the porn chicks, right? | ||
| They go, dude, we gotta fucking shave. | ||
| So it's like a chemo thing at first, but then it became cool. | ||
| Well, you know, there was like a run of people who thought it was offensive to ask women to shave their pussies. | ||
| There was like a bit, you know, back in the day when women had bushes, I remember like the debates when it was like porn was starting to alter people's perceptions of what sexual organs should look like. | ||
| I read something about this where they were discussing how, you know, women are upset that their husbands want them to shave their pussies and make it look like the porn girls. | ||
| That it's offensive and it's objectifying. | ||
| But now, everyone shaves. | ||
| The only thing cool about a hairy pussy is I used to prefer hairy pussies in my early 20s, believe it or not, because girls that shave, sometimes if they didn't shave and they have that roughness, it's like your fucking sandpaper sometimes. | ||
| But if they have a bush, it's all mushy and gushy and Have you ever heard of a Birkin? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wonder why. | |
| It's all soft. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I wonder why it's there specifically. | ||
| Do you think that's what it is? | ||
| It's an eyelash. | ||
| It's there because people usually fuck missionary and it's to protect that area? | ||
| No, it's to... | ||
| Hair is a good way to send off your scent. | ||
| The scent gets on the hair and then wind blows on the hair. | ||
| Oh, so that's why it's around your asshole? | ||
| So you can send out that asshole scent? | ||
| Apparently farts are aphrodisiacs when we were cavemen. | ||
| What? | ||
| Because it was awesome that this guy got some food. | ||
| That motherfucker just ate an elk. | ||
| He just ate a saber-toothed tiger. | ||
| God damn it! | ||
| I figured I'd take that brontosaurus down. | ||
| Now he's farting in my face. | ||
| Have you heard of merkins? | ||
| Do you know what merkins are? | ||
| It's like a fake pube. | ||
| Yeah, it's a fake pubic hair you can buy. | ||
| A lot of girls like to do the laser now down there and get all their pubic hair taken away and then they buy merkins if they ever want pubic hair. | ||
| What? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| They wear like a pubic hair toupee. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a little toupee. | ||
| And then they have fashion ones that they use too. | ||
| Who would like that? | ||
| Japanese. | ||
| That's my guess. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Oh, it is? | ||
| No, that's what I would guess too. | ||
| That are people at Burning Man. | ||
| They like the craziest shit. | ||
| You know, Japanese can't... | ||
| You're not allowed to show pubic hair, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| Yet they don't shave their fucking pews. | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| I think you're not allowed to show insertion. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| They need... | ||
| The Japanese, if you're listening out there, you guys... | ||
| Shave that thing, man. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| No one likes that. | ||
| You would sell so much more porn. | ||
| But Asians are relatively unhairy compared to a lot of girls. | ||
| Not their pussies. | ||
| They're very... | ||
| Japanese are hairless, but fuck, all of a sudden it all... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It all takes place in a pussy. | ||
| They don't have enough hair to go around for their legs and their arms and shit. | ||
| It all... | ||
| Dude, you haven't seen Japanese porn? | ||
| I have seen a very little of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| Do you think the Japanese girls are hypersexual? | ||
| I think redheads are. | ||
| Here's why. | ||
| I've been doing some research. | ||
| Redheads have thinner skin. | ||
| They also are a lot more sensitive to a lot of things. | ||
| When you get put out as a ginger, you have to have more shit to put you out. | ||
| They actually have different... | ||
| What do you mean when you go outside and you need sunscreen? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| Well, they have thinner skin and they have a few things that are different than normal people. | ||
| And so they're like overly sensitive, like they bruise easier, the sunlight shit. | ||
| But there's also like when they're in hospitals, they have to use more medicine to knock them out too. | ||
| And it's weird. | ||
| I don't know a bunch of it. | ||
| So you think they're a separate species? | ||
| I think they're the closest to being different than Asian people. | ||
| What? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Asian people don't have thinner skin than us. | ||
| They're not more sensitive to skin than light. | ||
| If you look at redheads and true gingers compared to just a regular white person, there's a lot of differences that you would never even think of for some reason. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What else? | ||
| Their eyes are usually more prone to... | ||
| They have to wear sunglasses. | ||
| It hurts their eyes more than... | ||
| So where are they supposed to be from? | ||
| Are they like northern people? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| You know what's crazy about Japan? | ||
| I went there about a year ago. | ||
| A year and a half ago. | ||
| That's the last time. | ||
| But they're so down. | ||
| Like their number one obsession as far as girls go are schoolgirls in the schoolgirl outfits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know this. | |
| That's number one. | ||
| Everybody knows. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But number two is schoolgirls in French made outfits. | ||
| So it's schoolgirl and then French maid. | ||
| They have a bar out there where 15-year-old, 14-year-old girls dress up like French. | ||
| They're in lingerie and they're serving ice cream. | ||
| That's totally okay in Japan. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Those guys are nuts. | ||
| I'm serious. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They're obsessed with schoolgirls and little girls in French maid outfits. | ||
| Just those two. | ||
| There's not even a third. | ||
| It's just, are you fucking Backstreet Boys? | ||
| Are you NSYNC? You gotta choose sides, you know? | ||
| And you have to have tentacles coming out of you. | ||
| What's all that about? | ||
| It's like the Crips of Bloods. | ||
| They got some crazy animated boys. | ||
| I think it's a loophole to get around their laws of insertion of penises and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you jerk off to Cartoons? | |
| Is that possible? | ||
| I've done it before, back in the day. | ||
| There was Roger Rabbit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| Come on, seriously? | ||
| Well, these Japanese penis porn, it's crazy shit, dude. | ||
| It's like giant dicks going through a chick and out her mouth, and she's gagging and slobbers everywhere. | ||
| That's hot? | ||
| There's dicks in her hands, in each hand. | ||
| There's loads going all over the place. | ||
| It's some of the weirdest, freakiest shit you've ever seen in your life. | ||
| I can understand girls getting off to it, because I knew a girl once who loved it. | ||
| But I just like, it's cartoons. | ||
| You need to see real shit. | ||
| Octopuses with all dicks. | ||
| And they're just fucking these crazy schoolgirl looking characters. | ||
| You know like Final Fantasy? | ||
| You know Final Fantasy? | ||
| It's CGI where they're trying to make it look real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the best they've done in porn like that? | ||
| CGI? It's too expensive, I think. | ||
| Maybe too expensive for porn? | ||
| I think. | ||
| They've used special effects for those themed ones. | ||
| They had an avatar-themed porn. | ||
| I'm sure they must have used some sort of special effects. | ||
| The only ones I've seen, they look totally fake. | ||
| But are there any that look almost real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't have to. | |
| It's a waste of money, man. | ||
| You don't really need to... | ||
| I mean, unless there's someone out there that... | ||
| Remember Salami? | ||
| Salami had that movie. | ||
| No, yeah, that's right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| Inside stories. | ||
| Bobby Salami from New York. | ||
| No, the New Jersey guy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, Bobby Salami. | ||
| We call him Salami. | ||
| We call him Salami. | ||
| But not to be confused with the other Salami. | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| Jiu-Jitsu Salami. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was Bobby Salami. | ||
| He was a... | ||
| Pizza maker. | ||
| Pizza maker. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| People who make porn, there's that wish that they were legitimate. | ||
| I remember talking to Ron Jeremy a bunch of times at the Comedy Store, and Ron was always telling me, yeah, I got a part in this thing, and I'm real excited. | ||
| I'm trying to go mainstream. | ||
| And I was like, you're trying to go mainstream? | ||
| He's like, yeah, I'd love to be on a mainstream show. | ||
| Oh, dude, I was there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it. | |
| I'm like, dude, you're Ron fucking Jeremy, man. | ||
| You're Ron Jeremy. | ||
| I'm like, not a lot of dudes get to be Ron Jeremy. | ||
| You're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| And you want to be like one of these regular guys on TV? Yeah. | ||
| Just keep banging those chicks. | ||
| Dude, I was right there when you said that. | ||
| I was in the parking lot at Hollywood and Highland, and I just wasn't thinking. | ||
| And remember the dickish? | ||
| I mean, that was the biggest douche... | ||
| When he started saying that, it was funny to me. | ||
| And I looked at Joe, and I'm like, can you imagine if it actually works? | ||
| And we see Ron Jeremy doing Die Hard 5, and he's in a wife-beater with a gun, and someone's breaking into the house. | ||
| And I go, can you imagine that? | ||
| And Ron Jeremy was right there. | ||
| And I started fucking laughing. | ||
| Joe was like, dude, don't laugh. | ||
| I looked at Ron Jeremy, he's not laughing. | ||
| I'm like, oh shit, I just talked mad shit right in front of him. | ||
| I felt like shit. | ||
| You didn't realize it. | ||
| You thought that he would have a sense of humor and that he'd be joking around about it. | ||
| Because if you said that about Brian or if you said that about Joey or said that about anybody else that we know, you said that about Ari, Ari would joke around and pretend to be a fucking action hero. | ||
| But when you say it about a guy who really wants a legitimate career in movies... | ||
| He was doing something with Roger Avery. | ||
| He was knocking on the door. | ||
| Roger Avery had some sort of a TV show and he was involved in it right before Roger Avery got arrested for drunk driving. | ||
| So he wanted to be a movie star. | ||
| What if Ron Jeremy just says, fuck it. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'm almost 50 or whatever the fuck. | ||
| Almost 50? | ||
| Whatever he is. | ||
| And then he gets into fucking diesel shape. | ||
| Can you imagine him? | ||
| If he got into diesel shape, he just said, fuck it. | ||
| That would ruin his whole appeal. | ||
| The whole appeal of Ron Jeremy is that Ron Jeremy is fat and ugly, and he's just banging the hottest bitches. | ||
| And he'll tell you, no Viagra. | ||
| I don't use Viagra. | ||
| I don't believe in it. | ||
| He won't. | ||
| He don't believe in it. | ||
| Yeah, he's a savage. | ||
| Viagra is like the steroids of the porn world. | ||
| Like, everyone's intense. | ||
| They're all in denial, but everybody's doing it. | ||
| Do you know that the NFL's trying to test for human growth hormone now? | ||
| There was a big thing I was watching on, I never watch sports shows, but they were talking to the head guy, whoever the fucking head guy of the NFL is, and he's like, yeah, well, that was a part of the bargaining that we're going to test for human growth hormone, but the players' representatives, they're still debating the science, the science of testing for human growth hormone. | ||
| We believe the science is there, and like, what are you talking about? | ||
| What, are you going to have regular-sized people playing Can you imagine if it works and they totally get steroids out of NFL? It would be so silly. | ||
| You could be 190 pounds and fucking play defensive linemen. | ||
| Rocky Marciano rolling his grave. | ||
| 189 pound heavyweight champion of the world. | ||
| Dude, there'd be hope for Mexicans in football. | ||
| Right now we have one Mexican. | ||
| There'd be a lot of Mexicans, man. | ||
| Well, you know, look at a Mexican like Cain Velasquez. | ||
| He's a rare dude, you know, a 240-pound ultra-athlete, you know, who moves fast. | ||
| He fucking moves fast. | ||
| He doubles fast as fuck. | ||
| What if he went to boxing and became the world heavyweight champion in boxing? | ||
| There's nobody out there, right? | ||
| Oh, I bet he could do it. | ||
| Well, I don't know, man. | ||
| If he'd have to deal with the Klitschkos. | ||
| But I think he's one of those guys that there's a few guys where their mind is so fucking strong, their work ethic is so strong, and their ability to pull shit off. | ||
| Like, Kane has got this fucking wicked belief in himself, man. | ||
| You can see it in that dude's eyes before he goes out there and says, Yeah, and he's got that big Incan head. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And he's a fucking super athlete, man. | ||
| You know, he doesn't look like, you know, your standard super athlete. | ||
| He doesn't have, like, super low body fat. | ||
| He doesn't have, like, a ridiculous six-pack and veins everywhere. | ||
| He doesn't look like a Kevin Randleman. | ||
| But that's also one of the reasons why the motherfucker never gets tired. | ||
| That guy never gets tired. | ||
| No one's got conditioning like Cain Velasquez. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think that guy can do anything he wants. | ||
| I think we're lucky to have him as a UFC heavyweight champion, but he would be whatever the fuck he wanted to be. | ||
| If he wanted to play football, he'd be playing football. | ||
| If he wanted to be a heavyweight boxer, he'd be a badass fucking heavyweight boxer. | ||
| He's just a killer. | ||
| There's certain dudes that are just killers. | ||
| He should do the cover of ESPN in a cholo outfit. | ||
| It's just rare that Mexicans are that big. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Just ride with it. | ||
| Go with it. | ||
| With a baseball cap with the front flipped all the way up. | ||
| Like a suicidal tendency, dude. | ||
| What do you think about Junior Dos Santos and Cain Velasquez? | ||
| First of all, how amazing is it? | ||
| Stop for a second and think how many Mexicans are fucking badass fighters. | ||
| Besides me or counting everybody? | ||
| You two. | ||
| Along with you. | ||
| But let's include the boxers. | ||
| Like Julio Cesar Chavez. | ||
| I mean, that dude epitomized what a badass Mexican boxer was. | ||
| He would come out to the fucking mariachi music and he had the flag on his fucking head and he would just jack people. | ||
| You know, the days of Julio Cesar Chavez, man. | ||
| Think about all the... | ||
| I mean, it's amazing how many... | ||
| This Victor Ortiz kid... | ||
| Think about how many people who are badass fighters are of Mexican descent. | ||
| It's amazing numbers, man. | ||
| I think it's because it's the closest third world Latin country to Vegas. | ||
| It's the closest one. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because really, Mexicans, Guatemalans, El Salvadorians, Colombians, it's all the same shit. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| They're just the closest one to Las Vegas and L.A. Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, I love Mexico, and I'm Mexican, in case you guys are all pissed off, but, you know, those borders out there, it's all the same shit, come on. | ||
| It is, but the Mexicans figured out, especially in boxing, a way to be super fucking successful. | ||
| You know, I mean, you can't discount, you know, and just say it's all the same shit, because Mexicans in particular have been really successful at boxing. | ||
| You know, they've brought up some incredible boxers out of Mexico. | ||
| And they have the most loyal fans. | ||
| The Mexican fans are fucking nuts! | ||
| Eric Morales, remember when that dude was on top? | ||
| Goddamn! | ||
| They go for the most Mexican too, because when Julio Cesar Chavez was at his prime when he fought Oscar De La Hoya, well he was actually falling off his prime a little bit, and Oscar De La Hoya was rising. | ||
| You had to choose a side. | ||
| They all went with the most Mexican, and the most Mexican was Julio Cesar Chavez. | ||
| He couldn't even speak a word of English. | ||
| He was a beast. | ||
| Yeah, he was a fucking beast. | ||
| He would just body punch the fucking shit out of you. | ||
| He would just stay on top of you until he eventually just broke you down. | ||
| I was a giant boxing fan before the UFC. I was just as fanatic with boxing as I was for MMA or for UFC. I loved them both. | ||
| I saw Oscar De La Hoya's first pro fight at the LA Forum. | ||
| I was a huge fan, but I had to make a choice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| I chose Julio Cesar Chavez. | ||
| I went to see Barrera fight live. | ||
| I saw him fight live. | ||
| It was in LA somewhere. | ||
| I want to say it was a Staples Center, but it might have been before the Staples Center even existed. | ||
| I don't know where the fuck I saw him, but I saw him fight some other dude, some black dude that was pretty good, but Barrera beat his ass. | ||
| We were all hanging out with Mexicans. | ||
| It's me and my friend Terry Claibon, who's a boxing coach, and we're all watching this. | ||
| They were going fucking bananas. | ||
| When Barrera was going off, they were going fucking bananas. | ||
| Boxing is... | ||
| That's when the racism just fucking comes out and it's okay. | ||
| It's okay to be racist if there's boxing going on. | ||
| Anytime a Mexican fought anybody else, I always went for the Mexican. | ||
| Even if it wasn't Mexican, if he was Honduran and he was fighting a white guy, I'm going with the Latin guy. | ||
| That's the closest thing to Mexico. | ||
| It was okay. | ||
| My best friend growing up, James, he was black. | ||
| We were both into boxing. | ||
| He always went for the black guy. | ||
| I always went for the Mexican guy. | ||
| Always. | ||
| He never went for the Mexican guy and I went for the black guy. | ||
| And it was okay. | ||
| But MMA, totally different. | ||
| In MMA, I can care less if the guy's Mexican. | ||
| What I like is style. | ||
| Style is way thicker than blood. | ||
| I'm a jiu-jitsu guy. | ||
| I'm always going. | ||
| I'm always pulling for the jiu-jitsu guys. | ||
| Always. | ||
| I don't care if it's a black jiu-jitsu guy against a kickboxer from Mexico from where my mom was born. | ||
| Like, fuck you. | ||
| I'm going for the black jiu-jitsu guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's funny. | |
| It's always jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Well, you have to think that. | ||
| You're a jiu-jitsu instructor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's styles way thicker than blood, but boxing, shit. | ||
| A lot of people think that I pull for jiu-jitsu guys, man, but most of my favorite fighters are strikers. | ||
| I pull for extraordinary talent. | ||
| That's what I pull for. | ||
| I don't pull for individuals. | ||
| I want to see some crazy shit. | ||
| Even if it's a guy who I thought was really good before, then all of a sudden they pull something off that's amazing and makes you look at them differently. | ||
| That's my favorite shit. | ||
| I like watching just guys pull shit off. | ||
| I just like watching guys improve, guys that are really good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like just the best submission guys. | ||
| Those are always my favorite. | ||
| Aoki's always my favorite. | ||
| I like that too, but I still like watching Anderson, man. | ||
| You can't deny that. | ||
| Oh, definitely. | ||
| I love knockouts. | ||
| Who doesn't love a great knockout? | ||
| I love that shit too, but I'm always pulling for cool new submissions because there's so much room for improvement in jiu-jitsu and MMA. There's so much room. | ||
| It's still at its... | ||
| Infancy, you know? | ||
| There's something special to me. | ||
| I mean, it sounds kind of fucked up, but there's something special to me when a guy has reached the extraordinary heights that, like, Anderson Silva has. | ||
| He's standing right in front of Yushin Okami, standing right in front of him with his hands down, his fists balled up, and you just realize, like, this poor fucking mouse is in a box with a cobra, and it's gonna get jacked. | ||
| It's gonna get jacked. | ||
| You realize that Yushin was trapped in there with Anderson Silva. | ||
| He was no longer competitive. | ||
| There was a moment after he head kicked him at the end of the first round. | ||
| He fucking blasted him with a head kick. | ||
| And from that moment on, Yushin was not competitive. | ||
| Anderson knew it, too. | ||
| There's no way you take one of those head kicks and be okay. | ||
| I mean, you might look okay. | ||
| You fall down. | ||
| You get back up. | ||
| You look okay. | ||
| But your shit is done. | ||
| And Anderson just got in front of him and started moving around on him. | ||
| When you watch someone of that skill level, man, I don't care what they're doing. | ||
| If they're doing boxing, if they're doing jujitsu, if they're just kickboxing, that's what I like. | ||
| I like watching someone who's just hitting those rare heights. | ||
| How about T.J. Grant pulling guard with a guillotine? | ||
| Dude pops his head out and switches to that beautiful arm bar. | ||
| Oh, it was amazing. | ||
| Even though there's controversy, you know, that he didn't tap and all that. | ||
| There's some controversy there, though. | ||
| But the fact that T.J. Grant was so confident in his guard that he pulled guard with a guillotine... | ||
| Because a lot of guys don't like pulling guard with a guillotine. | ||
| Because if the guy pops his head out and he gets out of the guillotine, oh, you're on your back and he's on top... | ||
| But he clearly did it in a sequence. | ||
| The guy was defending with his left arm and he knew he was going to get that arm. | ||
| He knew it. | ||
| And as the guy's defending, shit! | ||
| He lets it go and goes to the arm bar. | ||
| He was so confident of... | ||
| So few fighters are... | ||
| They're just not confident of fighting off their backs, you know? | ||
| There's so many Brazilian black belts out there. | ||
| Mundial champions who... | ||
| They just... | ||
| They refuse to pull guard. | ||
| They don't feel like, you know, I don't know what they're thinking, but to me, it just seems like they don't have enough confidence in their guard. | ||
| They've been doing jiu-jitsu a long time, and it's refreshing to see someone like T.J. Grant. | ||
| It's like, you know what? | ||
| I'm having trouble taking this guy down. | ||
| Let me just pull guard and attack off my back. | ||
| Well, he almost got him with an armbar in the first round. | ||
| He had locked up an armbar and went belly down at the very last seconds of the first round. | ||
| He's a beast, man. | ||
| At 155, that kid's a killer. | ||
| I knew he was talented when he first fought Rio Chonan in his UFC debut. | ||
| That's a tough fight for your UFC debut. | ||
| And he won. | ||
| He won a decision. | ||
| I'm like, this fucking kid's good. | ||
| How about Paul Sass? | ||
| He hasn't fought in like a year. | ||
| And he's like, the first I've ever heard of Paul Sass, he was fighting on the undercard in an England show over a year ago. | ||
| And it was a headline on the underground. | ||
| It said, the headline was, I'd like to fight off my back. | ||
| I'm like, you never have seen that as a headline for a fighter in some interview. | ||
| I'd like to fight off my back. | ||
| He's so dangerous off his back, though. | ||
| Yeah, and then I'm like, wow, let me watch this guy. | ||
| I go, this guy pulls guard. | ||
| So the fight a year and a half ago in England, he shoots, pulls guard, attacks off his back. | ||
| The guy stands up, pulls away, runs away. | ||
| They stand up again. | ||
| Still first round. | ||
| He shoots deep, makes the guy sprawl, pulls guard, attacks him. | ||
| The guy pulls out of an omelette or a triangle. | ||
| They go again. | ||
| Third time, he shoots, pulls guard, goes after like a leg lock. | ||
| He just misses it, bam, or something like that. | ||
| And still in the first round, he shot again for a fourth time shot. | ||
| The dude sprawled, he pulled guard, and then he got him. | ||
| He got him. | ||
| There's a guy out there named Paul Sass who's so confident on fighting his back and people don't want anything to do with his guard. | ||
| He sits on his ass and says, come on, get on top. | ||
| I'm spotting you. | ||
| I'm spotting you. | ||
| Guys refuse to get in his guard. | ||
| You would think they're like, damn, this guy's gonna go on his back. | ||
| I'm just gonna go on top and just mash him. | ||
| I can't believe he's just submitting and just going on his back. | ||
| His guard is so dangerous, guys. | ||
| The hard part is getting guys to agree to get into his guard. | ||
| That's unique. | ||
| That's fascinating to me. | ||
| I love seeing that. | ||
| Paul Sass, TJ Grant. | ||
| Man, I'm huge fans of those guys. | ||
| Well, what it is is that people are realizing that there's a level that's possible to achieve that hasn't been demonstrated yet. | ||
| And there's a lot of those people in straight jiu-jitsu, and there's a lot of those people in straight submission grappling, but in MMA, when you add in all the other things, we haven't seen anybody really pull it off. | ||
| We haven't ever seen the way Marcelo Garcia went through all those competitors in Abu Dhabi in 2003. Remember when we first saw Marcelo in person? | ||
| We're like, this guy is like a speed demon, the way he was going through people. | ||
| The finality to his technique was so clean. | ||
| But that's, you know, it's a different world when you add in wrestling, and when you add in punching, and you add in knees and kicks. | ||
| It's a different world. | ||
| We haven't quite seen someone hit those heights of submission anymore. | ||
| We're starting to see it though. | ||
| There are a handful of fighters that have zero problem pulling guard. | ||
| And Vinny Magalhas is one. | ||
| He used to fight in the UFC. He was in one of the seasons of tough. | ||
| He pulls guard like he doesn't mind. | ||
| His guard is so dangerous that he will pull guard and attack you. | ||
| And, you know, again, there's Paul Sass. | ||
| Paul Sass fought last week. | ||
| He did the exact same thing. | ||
| He pulled guard. | ||
| Guy pulled out of an arm bar or a triangle and then he switched it to a leg lock. | ||
| It was a beautiful leg lock. | ||
| So... | ||
| And then Aoki will pull guard anytime. | ||
| Did you see Matt Wyman and Mack Danzig? | ||
| That was amazing. | ||
| Matt Wyman got Mack Danzig in a fucking serious arm bar. | ||
| And he didn't tap him, but I'm like, whoa, that was quick. | ||
| He hit a nice arm bar off his back. | ||
| If Mack Danzig didn't have such good defense, he would have got that. | ||
| We're starting to see more and more fighters be active once they get put on their back. | ||
| Like if they got put on their back and they didn't want to be there, like Miguel Torres, if he gets put on his back, he will attack you. | ||
| He's just not going to sit there. | ||
| Javi Vasquez, he's just not going to sit there. | ||
| He's going to attack you. | ||
| And then you've got guys like… Rubble Johnson. | ||
| Who wants to be on top? | ||
| Imagine if Rumble Johnson had a guard. | ||
| Dude, Rumble Johnson's frightening. | ||
| Did you see that fight with Charlie Brenneman? | ||
| He's terrifying. | ||
| His eyes look orange. | ||
| I wonder if he's wearing contacts. | ||
| Well, you know he's had surgery on his eyes. | ||
| Oh, is that what it is? | ||
| He got poked. | ||
| He got poked really bad by Kevin Burns. | ||
| Remember, Kevin Burns could not close his left hand. | ||
| Kevin Burns broke his left hand so many times that he literally couldn't close it. | ||
| So he would like paw with his left and then throw his right. | ||
| And he poked the fucking shit out of his eyes. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Anthony Johnson's a beast. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| He's scary. | ||
| He's a true super athlete. | ||
| First of all, the idea that that guy can get to 170, it defies logic. | ||
| It defies reason. | ||
| You look at him and you see him in between fights, that's a heavyweight. | ||
| That's a goddamn heavyweight. | ||
| And then somehow or another he makes 170 and he looks crazy. | ||
| Fucking great the day of. | ||
| Whatever he's doing, he's doing it right. | ||
| I just wonder if it takes so much out of him. | ||
| I think what he does at 170, he could probably do it at 185, too. | ||
| I think he might even feel better if he was doing it at 185. He might feel healthier. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm only just taking wild stabs at it because I don't think it's so good to cut We're good to go. | ||
| That guy, when he's confident, when he's confident and he's real sure he's going to tag you, like he was at the finals of tough when he fought that Tommy Spears kid, when he's real confident that his stand-up is way better than you, he's so dangerous. | ||
| He's one of the scariest guys at 170, even scarier than Tiago. | ||
| Tiago Alves is probably the best technical striker, but Anthony Johnson, when he gets you hurt, he's the scariest guy. | ||
| He's the scariest. | ||
| I think he's got gnarly potential. | ||
| I think what you see now is that guy's going to get better. | ||
| He's getting better already. | ||
| He's just a freak, fucking awesome athlete. | ||
| That's racialist. | ||
| No, that's just reality, man. | ||
| If he was white, I'd say the same goddamn thing. | ||
| Whatever he's doing, he's doing awesome. | ||
| It's hard work and discipline, for sure, go into any recipe for success. | ||
| But that guy, he's a special athlete. | ||
| He's built to fuck people up. | ||
| This is a good sport for him. | ||
| There are certain guys, like John Jones always says that he can't fucking throw a football. | ||
| He's not good at basketball. | ||
| He can't dunk. | ||
| But god damn, is he designed perfect for MMA. John Jones has literally the perfect frame. | ||
| If you look at all the people that are fighting right now and all the different equations, how would you get to this guy? | ||
| How would you beat that guy? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| You get to Jon Jones, you go, damn, good luck. | ||
| And I love the fact that, even though I'm not a striker, like I said, I'm a fan of striking. | ||
| I was a big boxing fan. | ||
| I love... | ||
| That more and more fighters are starting to implement Taekwondo and Kung Fu kicks. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| And guys like Jon Jones and Anderson Silva, they're doing Kung Fu. | ||
| They're throwing Wing Chun kicks. | ||
| They're throwing Taekwondo kicks. | ||
| And that one guy at 45, is it Dustin Dennis? | ||
| The guy who's just an awesome kicker? | ||
| Dustin Dennis? | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Yeah, he's at 45. He fought... | ||
| Who did he fight? | ||
| Did he fight Florian? | ||
| Kenny Florian? | ||
| Oh, Diego Nunes. | ||
| Diego Nunes. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| He's a serious kicker. | ||
| That guy, watch him. | ||
| Novo Uñao guy. | ||
| Yeah, that guy can kick. | ||
| He's got great kicks. | ||
| Those Novo Uñao guys, man. | ||
| A lot of those guys are wicked kickers. | ||
| I would say a good... | ||
| 80%, 85% of MMA fighters today are just throwing the basic leg kick and then a head kick, occasionally maybe a spinning back kick or something. | ||
| I love guys who just throw it all up. | ||
| Well, usually those guys have a taekwondo or karate background because in normal MMA training, man, it's way harder to teach someone how to throw a side kick than it is how to teach them to throw a round kick. | ||
| I can teach you to throw a low kick and to throw it correctly in a couple of steps. | ||
| And any normal athlete, a football player, a baseball player, any normal athlete can perform that. | ||
| But if I say, alright, do a wheel kick, I want you to do a wheel kick with power. | ||
| Like, Jesus Christ, that takes a long time to learn. | ||
| Even if you're a super athlete, it's going to take a while to pick up. | ||
| But Jon Jones is throwing it. | ||
| Well, of course. | ||
| But Jon Jones is training for quite a while now. | ||
| What I'm saying is it's not easy to pick up those certain techniques like sidekicks. | ||
| Jon's got a wicked sidekick now, too, man. | ||
| He's got a front leg sidekick. | ||
| He hops forward, too. | ||
| He was throwing spinning backkicks. | ||
| He threw a hopping sidekick against the cage just to warm up like I was warming up. | ||
| I'm like, whoa, he's doing it. | ||
| Perfectly. | ||
| Knee up high, turning the hip. | ||
| Kung Lee pretty much proved that a lot of those Kung Fu kicks are legit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| They work. | ||
| Kung Lee's got the best 360 turning sidekick in the game. | ||
| His sidekicks are one of the things that makes his fight with Vanderlei so interesting. | ||
| Because when American kickboxers started fighting Thai fighters, they found two things out. | ||
| One, they found out how difficult it is to deal with leg kicks. | ||
| They were getting fucked up by leg kicks. | ||
| But guys like Don Wilson, he learned leg kicks early on, and he fought a lot of leg kick fights. | ||
| He realized how good the front leg side kick was, the front leg roundhouse kick, the kicks that the Thais weren't that good at. | ||
| The Thais would throw the teep, but they would get close enough to each other to jack each other's legs. | ||
| And when you fight that style where you kick the legs, you don't necessarily develop the techniques like the karate techniques. | ||
| Because the karate techniques, a lot of them, when you're coming up through the ranks, they kind of get shut down by a lot of the Thai techniques. | ||
| But if you learn karate before you learn Muay Thai, Then you have all that crazy dexterity for axe kicks and wheel kicks and all that shit that maybe wouldn't work as well if guys were kicking your legs. | ||
| You might have a more conservative game. | ||
| So guys that come up through the Taekwondo ranks, those are the ones who do wild, crazy shit because you can't get punched in the face in Taekwondo tournaments. | ||
| So when those guys get into Muay Thai, that's Diego Nunes, that's Anderson Silva, that's also Edson Barbosa. | ||
| They got all that shit in their back pocket. | ||
| Yeah, that Edson Barbosa guy. | ||
| So you would say that... | ||
| For kids that are dreaming about being UFC champions, to do some Taekwondo for a few years, just to get all the crazy kicks down and get your balance down? | ||
| Maybe not even do Taekwondo by itself, but incorporate a couple of days of Taekwondo training into your training. | ||
| Say if you were a new kid and you were trying to become an MMA fighter, What you should do is, at least one day a week, work on kicks. | ||
| Because one of the things you can do by working on these wild kicks is, you know, forget about the sparring, forget about everything. | ||
| You just want to work on the technique of the kick and learn how to kick things. | ||
| Learn how to stretch out that front leg side kick, learn the wheel kick, learn the axe kick. | ||
| Once you do it, if you do it with someone who's really good at it, you see, like, the high level. | ||
| And then that's what you mirror in your mind, and that's what you try to recreate. | ||
| And that's how you get really good at those things. | ||
| When you add in kicks, a lot of those techniques go out the window. | ||
| When you add in punches, a lot of those techniques go out the window. | ||
| You add in punches, a lot of those techniques go out the window. | ||
| You add in takedowns, a lot of those techniques go out the window. | ||
| Unless you know how to check kicks, block takedowns, and you have good boxing. | ||
| So you have to have all those other things. | ||
| You can use the Taekwondo again. | ||
| Because then you have all these other techniques. | ||
| Then it's just another tool for the arsenal. | ||
| But unless you have a fully rounded game, those tools become problems. | ||
| Like the kicks, you rely on them too much and you drop your hands, you get punched in the face because you're not used to being punched in the face. | ||
| So you have to develop... | ||
| Good timing and distance for punches as well as kicks. | ||
| You have to change your game. | ||
| But once you do change your game... | ||
| See, that's the beauty of adding it in as, like, one day a week or two days a week where you just constantly work on only those techniques. | ||
| You're doing all that other stuff, too. | ||
| So you might actually be able to pull them off. | ||
| I think eventually what we're going to have to have is there's going to be, like, a system. | ||
| You know, when they train football players, you know, and they don't just... | ||
| Just take a lucky guess. | ||
| Today we're going to do this. | ||
| I don't know if this is going to help you, but today I want you to chop wood with an axe. | ||
| Today, maybe it'll help if you pick up bags of sand. | ||
| No, they don't do that. | ||
| They know what the fuck they're doing when they're training football players. | ||
| They know what they're doing when they're preparing plays. | ||
| They know what they're doing when they're monitoring guys' performances and measuring their time and their distance when they're running the 40 or running the 100. They're trying to figure out what's the best way to optimize athleticism. | ||
| Eventually that's going to happen and it's going to be a scientific approach to MMA training. | ||
| And there's going to be a bunch of different approaches. | ||
| Everyone's going to have their own little style to do it, but it's going to get to a point where we know exactly how many hours you're supposed to train in a day before it's detrimental. | ||
| We know that even though you can do it five hours a day, you shouldn't do it five hours a day. | ||
| It fucks you up. | ||
| We know what's the exact program you should be on as far as striking. | ||
| What are the exact lessons you should be learning every day? | ||
| Because that's how it should be treated. | ||
| It should be treated as something you're trying to develop, like a project you're developing. | ||
| And it should be micromanaged. | ||
| You should manage every single aspect of it. | ||
| You should manage all the holes. | ||
| You should objectively analyze all the different techniques, all your vulnerabilities in sparring, what body types give you problems, all that shit. | ||
| It has to be treated like a science in order to really, truly optimize it. | ||
| Then you add in creativity and the ability to improvise and the ability to fight hard and the ability to be disciplined and get in shape. | ||
| But eventually we're going to get to that point where people are getting so good. | ||
| Like these Rory McDonald's of the world. | ||
| These young kids that are coming up. | ||
| They're so fucking good. | ||
| You see them improving. | ||
| Every time you see them, they're way better. | ||
| You're like, wow! | ||
| Eventually, it's going to have to be down to a science because you're going to deal with the abilities that people are going to have are going to be so fucking high level at the very top. | ||
| We're going to see guys that we can't even imagine because we haven't seen them yet. | ||
| We're going to look back on even Vitor Belfort or guys of this era that are devastating. | ||
| We're going to look back on them and say, boy, but if they fought the guys of 2030, they'd probably get fucked up. | ||
| The same way people look at Rocky Marciano and go, what the fuck is Rocky Marciano going to do to Vitaly Klitschko? | ||
| Vitaly Klitschko is seven feet fucking tall. | ||
| He's got a telephone pole for a jab. | ||
| And he would just blast that poor little dude in the head all day until he fell unconscious. | ||
| That's what we're going to look back on now. | ||
| We're going to look back on the greats like GSP. We're going to look back on him now. | ||
| One day in the future where there's going to be some super fucking freak athlete who you think would probably beat GSP fairly easily. | ||
| It's going to happen, man. | ||
| It's going to happen in all the weight classes. | ||
| We're in the middle of the fucking stream right now. | ||
| We haven't even come close to the dam. | ||
| We're not even close to the full limits of human potential. | ||
| You think about the kind of freak athletes that they have in basketball. | ||
| Wait till those all start fighting MMA fights. | ||
| Think about some of the amazing specimens that choose to play baseball because they're good sprinters and they can run around the bases real quickly. | ||
| What if those guys decide to start fighting? | ||
| Those are the real freak athletes. | ||
| Like I was telling you, I mean, I've been... | ||
| I've been doing jiu-jitsu a long time, and when you train jiu-jitsu, even a couple years, you know if you're going against a wrestler. | ||
| You roll with someone, you're like, damn, did you wrestle? | ||
| They feel like a whole different person. | ||
| And after a while, after doing it for 10, 15 years, you get really, really good at gauging someone's strength, and Kind of guessing what kind of athletic background they had. | ||
| I've rolled with soccer players, dudes that played soccer their whole life, and you're like, wow, they've got some strong passing, strong hips. | ||
| And a year ago, I opened 10th Planet Vista, and that's in San Diego County. | ||
| And inside of 10th Planet Vista, they have a dance studio, too. | ||
| It's like, you know, in my studio, we have pole dancers. | ||
| Every academy has their own little flavor. | ||
| Down at Vista, they have breakdancing. | ||
| It's like a new eclectic breakdancing that combines kung fu breakdancing Yoga, double lotus stuff. | ||
| And it's all based on getting into double lotus. | ||
| It's a trip. | ||
| So it's like rubber guard break dancing. | ||
| Well, there's a group out there. | ||
| They've been dancing. | ||
| For people who don't know, double lotus, for the folks who don't know, is like a yoga position where you have one foot and then you wrap the other foot over onto the other knee. | ||
| It's very difficult to get into for the average unflexible person. | ||
| It's like a super flexible Indian style type thing. | ||
| Yes, that's a good way of putting it. | ||
| And, you know, the school opened and right away, all the break dancers started taking jiu-jitsu. | ||
| And there's one lead break dancer. | ||
| His name is Gio. | ||
| He calls himself Freak Show. | ||
| And after two months of training, he... | ||
| He calls himself Freak Show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The whole thing's a Freak Show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| It's like a band. | ||
| What's your name, man? | ||
| They're a group. | ||
| Freak Show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How you doing? | |
| How you doing? | ||
| You roll with him, you're going to feel a little freak show. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| He's 145 pounds, and after training two months, he did the Gracie Nationals. | ||
| And it looked like, you know, he did beginner's division, but it looked like he was sandbagging. | ||
| He was just going right through dudes. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| And I thought, wow, what's this guy going to look like in a couple years? | ||
| Well, a year later, Sean Bollinger is one of my black belts. | ||
| He is the one who certified that school. | ||
| He gave him a purple belt after one year. | ||
| And I'm like, wow. | ||
| I mean, how good is this guy getting now? | ||
| So I invited him and all his break dancers over to headquarters, my school here in LA. And he had a year experience and was already a purple belt. | ||
| And I'm like, hmm, this guy, he really is a freak. | ||
| Let me see what he feels like. | ||
| So I rolled with him. | ||
| And it was incredible. | ||
| I'd never felt, you know, the guy told me he wrestled his whole life and he's been doing jujitsu a year. | ||
| I would have a way easier time with that guy than I did, especially when he weighs 140, 145 pounds. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| I've never felt anything like this. | ||
| And even the guys that were on his squad that were training 8 months, 10 months, it's like, wow! | ||
| Turbo and ozone? | ||
| I never felt anything like this. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| Turbo and ozone? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| That's from the movie Breaking. | ||
| Those were two... | ||
| So these exercises that they do, it's like they're doing one-handed handstands, getting into flying double lotus. | ||
| They're balancing on their head without spinning. | ||
| You know, the old school break dancers would spin and then they would balance like a top. | ||
| They just get on their head and their balance is so extraordinary. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| They do like Cirque du Soleil stuff. | ||
| Cirque du Soleil is the only time that I can ever remember as a man feeling. | ||
| I went with a chick and as I was in the audience watching it, I felt like inadequate. | ||
| I felt insecure. | ||
| I was like, I can't do that. | ||
| I think of myself as being a guy who's in good shape. | ||
| I'm fit. | ||
| I work out all the time. | ||
| But I'm watching these guys move around. | ||
| I'm like, whoa, that guy is doing a one-handed handstand. | ||
| His legs are going that way, and he's holding another man up in the air above him. | ||
| It was the craziest thing ever, the idea that someone could be that physically strong. | ||
| They're doing one-handed handstands, and I got this all on video. | ||
| I videotaped everything, all those guys. | ||
| It was unbelievable. | ||
| They do one-handed handstands, get into Flying Double Lotus, and start jumping and hopping on one hand. | ||
| It's incredible when you feel how strong they are. | ||
| I'm convinced that... | ||
| A lot of people separate balance exercises and then core exercises. | ||
| I think there's something about combining extreme core training, like they're doing all these handstands and balancing, and then combining extreme balance. | ||
| You put them together, I think that really does create a whole new animal, because I've never felt anything like this. | ||
| It's combining core exercises and extreme balance at the same time turns your body into something different. | ||
| It totally makes sense. | ||
| Something different. | ||
| If you think about it, the ability to manipulate your body in an extreme way. | ||
| Yoga alone makes you better at everything you do athletically. | ||
| It gives you much more control and you have a finer degree of movement where you can balance yourself better. | ||
| But that's way harder than yoga. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's extreme yoga. | ||
| Because there's a lot of yoga elements to it. | ||
| Their style is a combination of everything. | ||
| They're bringing kung fu in. | ||
| They're bringing breakdancing. | ||
| They're bringing yoga, putting it all together. | ||
| Cirque du Soleil. | ||
| It's incredible, these guys. | ||
| These guys are incredible. | ||
| I have seen some breakdancers do some wild-ass kung fu kicks. | ||
| They call themselves the freak showers. | ||
| I've seen break dancers do those flying flip kicks where they flip through the air and throw kicks at the same time. | ||
| Obviously, the way I look at it is you need a lot more base in wrestling than you do in Jiu Jitsu. | ||
| In Jiu Jitsu, the level of base that's required is not nearly as much as wrestling. | ||
| Wrestling is all about getting that top position. | ||
| It's all about balance. | ||
| It's all about base. | ||
| But this style of breakdancing requires 10 times more bass than a wrestler. | ||
| To do all these crazy things, the bass and the balance that's required is crazy. | ||
| So when they come back down and do Jiu Jitsu, the hardest part in Jiu Jitsu is getting the bass and the balance. | ||
| The moves are actually fairly easy to learn. | ||
| You could show a nine-year-old girl a rear naked choke and they could learn it in five minutes or less. | ||
| It's the balance and putting it all together and the coordination and the dexterity. | ||
| Man, when they come down and do jiu-jitsu, once they learn the basic object of the game in a couple passes, it's extraordinary. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| What if that turns out to be the workout? | ||
| Extreme gymnastics, extreme breakdancing? | ||
| Fights are going to be so entertaining in the future. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's going to be like choreographed. | ||
| This is the beginning of the infusion of this style of exercise into the 10th Planet system. | ||
| I'm sold. | ||
| I'm at the gym weightlifting. | ||
| I've been doing jujitsu 17 years and I'm doing squats and I'm doing weightlifting. | ||
| Yes, I'm stronger than if I wasn't doing it, but when you roll with a guy that's been doing jujitsu a year, And I got 20 pounds on him. | ||
| It's pretty extraordinary. | ||
| Everybody, like Rahsaan first told me, he goes, he went down there and did a seminar. | ||
| He goes, dude, have you rolled that Geo kid yet? | ||
| And I go, no. | ||
| He goes, dude, I couldn't get that guy. | ||
| That guy's, watch, wait till you roll with him. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| And it's not just him. | ||
| Like I said, the other guys, they were small dudes too. | ||
| They've been doing jujitsu eight months, ten months. | ||
| And yeah, I was getting them, but dude, I was going 100%. | ||
| It should have been really, really easy. | ||
| It wasn't really easy. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| It's incredible, man. | ||
| So I'm starting already. | ||
| I'm like, my balance is terrible. | ||
| I can't do handstands, but I'm practicing against walls. | ||
| I'm going to slowly infuse that into the system. | ||
| I'm going to make that my workout. | ||
| You know what else I heard is really good, too? | ||
| It's Pilates. | ||
| I think someone has a Pilates for grapplers. | ||
| Doesn't one of the Lloyd Irwin's dudes have a Pilates for grapplers DVD out or something like that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But I read something about Pilates online. | ||
| There was some athlete who was looking to do something relaxing in between seasons. | ||
| He started doing Pilates, and he was talking about how ridiculously hard it is. | ||
| And people think it's easy, you know, because chicks are doing it. | ||
| Especially for a man, you know, carrying a different amount of weight, you know? | ||
| Pilates is supposed to be super awesome for you. | ||
| There's a lot of different things that you can do. | ||
| It's amazing how pliable and developable and engineerable the body is. | ||
| How you can force it to do certain things. | ||
| I'm a perfect example. | ||
| Growing up doing Taekwondo, my body still can do all that crazy shit. | ||
| Even if I took years off. | ||
| You gotta pee? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Your body adapts. | ||
| Like your body. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's adapting. | ||
| It fits into a couch perfectly. | ||
| When you talk about being worried about your health as you get older, why don't you stop smoking cigarettes? | ||
| Because it's awesome. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Is it really that good? | ||
| It's so great. | ||
| Why don't you try cigars? | ||
| That's worse for you. | ||
| That's like focusing all the fucking cancer into your mouth and throat and gums. | ||
| I don't think it is. | ||
| I think it gives you a little nicotine fix. | ||
| That's how Phil Hartman quit. | ||
| Quit smoking cigarettes by smoking cigars. | ||
| And I go, did you have to smoke all day? | ||
| He goes, no, I smoked one or two a day at the most. | ||
| It just gives you a little fix. | ||
| And then you can slowly wean yourself off of it. | ||
| Because what you're really hooked on, according to... | ||
| I don't know if this is true. | ||
| What you're really hooked on is not just the tobacco, but the 599 additives. | ||
| The way they've got it engineered, if you can still get tobacco into your system and nicotine into your system, you can slip away from the grips of addiction slowly. | ||
| They say it takes 10 years off of your life, though. | ||
| It's like, oh, who cares? | ||
| Who wants to live the extra 10 years of your life? | ||
| That's not what it is. | ||
| When you're 50, you feel like you're 60. When you're 60, you feel like you're 70. It doesn't just take 10 years off your life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It makes you feel prematurely old and shitty. | |
| You're cooking your body. | ||
| Enjoy it if you like it. | ||
| You say you love it. | ||
| Enjoy it. | ||
| Do you take a lot of vitamins to try to counteract the cigarettes? | ||
| I've been juicing. | ||
| I've been doing the juicing. | ||
| Wake up and do... | ||
| How many cigarettes a day? | ||
| A pack. | ||
| A whole pack now? | ||
| God damn, son. | ||
| You were only about 10 cigarettes a day for a while. | ||
| Well, that was right after I quit when I started back up again. | ||
| Because when you start back up, you don't go right to the full pack. | ||
| You slowly go, I'm only smoking 10 a day. | ||
| And then next thing you know, you're smoking... | ||
| You should go and do that Ibogaine shit. | ||
| Ibogaine. | ||
| Yeah, that's an addiction treatment. | ||
| Does that work for cigarettes? | ||
| It's supposed to be amazing for any addictions. | ||
| Not all of them. | ||
| There's certain pills that it doesn't work on benzos. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, there's certain things. | ||
| Like ayahuasca, for some reason... | ||
| something to do with alcohol like in brazil the people that are part of the ayahuasca religions they give their kids at 14 ayahuasca to prevent them from being an alcoholic so that's that's real shit so well that makes sense well i think that's because it's insightful because it lets you see it lets you you experience a deep spiritual connection with the mother earth and then you don't you don't want to be a fucking loser you know when you when you're in the presence of some form of divinity you know whatever the fuck the | ||
| the spirit of the ayahuasca is whatever it is when you have that that crazy experience whatever the fuck you're in the presence of you that that presence affects you forever I mean, that's essentially what these people are saying. | ||
| There's John Hopkins University study. | ||
| It changes their personality. | ||
| It makes them a different person. | ||
| I heard the Graham Hancock podcast, and when you guys were talking about ayahuasca, you guys were talking about how... | ||
| The spirit of ayahuasca, or whatever it is, is female, and you guys were into the, whatever you call it, the spirit world, or whatever that ayahuasca dimension is, what do you think that is? | ||
| I think, you know, when you were talking about there's information around us all the time and if we could have goggles, they could see all the fucking ones and zeros flying through the air and all the cellular signals and all the Wi-Fi. | ||
| I think it's very likely that we are just at a stop on the dial and that the reality of infinity is that there is an unlimited number of frequencies to tune into. | ||
| And it's not as simple as, you know, we live in one place. | ||
| I mean, we know... | ||
| According to quantum physicists, and I don't understand it, but I'll repeat what they say, is that there are 11 dimensions, 11 known dimensions provable somehow or another by some mathematics that I'll never understand. | ||
| So if that's the case, what does that mean? | ||
| If we know that we have time and space, and we know that the basic dimensions that we're comfortable with, what the fuck are these other ones? | ||
| What the fuck is... | ||
| What are those other... | ||
| And how do we know that this is just one sort of... | ||
| to discovering that, oh no, this is a part of another fractal and there are infinite numbers of different dimensions. | ||
| Because that to me seems just as likely as there's more than one. | ||
| I have a feeling that there's just an unlimited number of them, but we exist in one dimension. | ||
| We don't understand the other ones. | ||
| We can't tune into them and part of our brain can. | ||
| And part of our brain can when we sleep. | ||
| And part of our brain can. | ||
| And we think of traveling as a physical act of moving your tissue and your cells and your bones from one space to another space. | ||
| But that's silly. | ||
| What the fuck is imagination? | ||
| What are thoughts? | ||
| What are ideas? | ||
| What are language? | ||
| These are all things that are in the air. | ||
| These are all things that travel from people to people in the air. | ||
| But they create things and things become of them and empires get built because of using words and all this stuff comes from the human imagination. | ||
| And the human imagination is what tunes in when you're sleeping. | ||
| And it's where all these psychedelic compounds that are all created by your own body, that all interacts with all that shit. | ||
| And that's how things get done. | ||
| And that is why there is creativity. | ||
| It's the source of all of it. | ||
| The human imagination, the human mind is the source of all this craziness that we say, good and bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Based on all that, like all that craziness, what do you think? | ||
| What would you guess? | ||
| I think it's another dimension. | ||
| When you die, what do you think happens? | ||
| I think you go right to that DMT world, man. | ||
| So you think your soul is eternal? | ||
| I'm totally guessing. | ||
| If you had to guess, you would think the soul is eternal? | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
| I think the idea of you, it just stops. | ||
| It stops. | ||
| It ends. | ||
| I think the only reason why you and I, or I and all of us, anybody listening, the only reason why we think of ourselves as one is because of our ego. | ||
| And it's because of our desire to protect our biology and to breed. | ||
| We are programmed to seek out A breeding partner and reproduce. | ||
| It's all natural and it's all chemical and then there's all sorts of roles that we play in society to ensure that the best genetics and the ones that are moving forward the most are the ones that get to breed the most. | ||
| It's all like simple and scientific and it all seems to me to be a part of some sort of an engineered system. | ||
| An engineered system that's guaranteed to produce certain results. | ||
| You know how bacteria, they have their job, and every cell has its job, but you wouldn't think the bacteria is conscious of what it's doing to our bodies. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| Do you think, like in this dimension, we're going around with our own lives, watching TV, doing our own thing, but on the other side, in another dimension, what we're doing, our energy, our frequency, is important. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| We might be a cold. | ||
| We might be a cold for another dimension. | ||
| That's what we might be. | ||
| We might be the negative energy that creeps through the cracks and fucks with their world because we're polluting our seas. | ||
| It just sounds super ultra crazy sophisticated and complicated. | ||
| It's too complicated. | ||
| And well organized. | ||
| It sounds very intelligent, doesn't it? | ||
| Well, I wouldn't say intelligent, but I would definitely say it follows a very specific direction. | ||
| I mean, whether or not it's aware of that direction is another question entirely. | ||
| And I think that that's really debatable. | ||
| I don't think a fucking caterpillar is aware that it's going to become a butterfly. | ||
| And I don't think a human being is necessarily aware of why the fuck all we're doing is moving towards a certain direction. | ||
| No one is. | ||
| So I wouldn't say it's intelligent. | ||
| I would say it's a direction. | ||
| It's a very specific direction. | ||
| The only time I feel like a contact with intelligence, like real divine intelligence, is psychedelic experiences. | ||
| Those are the only time I feel humbled by something, however the fuck it is, way smarter than me. | ||
| Even if it's just some sort of a chemical reaction in my mind, boy, the ultimate wisdom displayed by that chemical reaction is not just tangible, but you carry it with you the rest of your life. | ||
| You carry those thoughts and what you've learned from those experiences the rest of your life. | ||
| And that's what they found in this John Hopkins study on psilocybin mushrooms. | ||
| And that's what you've experienced in your life. | ||
| That's what I've experienced in my life. | ||
| You can't tell me it's not happening that way. | ||
| You're tuning into some other incredible intelligence and you're going, oh, okay. | ||
| Like, I was taking myself seriously. | ||
| I was being ridiculous. | ||
| I was thinking I was important. | ||
| I was thinking I was special. | ||
| I was thinking I was, you know, I was right and everyone's wrong. | ||
| Like, whoa, you don't know jack shit. | ||
| And you have a few of those and you feel that. | ||
| I had this crazy dream a couple weeks ago that... | ||
| Me and my girlfriend were at the house I grew up in, and she's in the backyard screaming. | ||
| It's nighttime. | ||
| It's late at night. | ||
| She's screaming, come back here, come back here! | ||
| And I thought something was wrong with the baby or something. | ||
| So I run out in the backyard, and she's looking up at the sky. | ||
| And then I look up in the sky and you see all these intelligent shooting stars. | ||
| It was full disclosure. | ||
| It was all these beams of light with algorithms and equations and chemtrails in this fancy handwriting and chemtrails in hieroglyphics and all the answers. | ||
| And we're just standing there going, shit! | ||
| All the equations. | ||
| It just came out. | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| What the hell? | ||
| What were you on? | ||
| I was dreaming. | ||
| But did you take anything before you went to bed? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, I smoked weed, but that's about it. | ||
| You sure you didn't take Alpha Brain, Eddie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alpha Brain will give you crazy lucid dreams. | |
| That's an Alpha Brain commercial right there. | ||
| Alpha Brain gives you crazy lucid dreams. | ||
| You can cut that shit and just use it like in Howard Stern. | ||
| Were you taking Alpha Brain when you had that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you have an extra bottle? | ||
| I want one. | ||
| I want your honest, unbiased opinion about this. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| What would fucking happen if, like, there was just full disclosure. | ||
| Like, you just hear, like, aliens from the next star system just said, okay, this is what's going down. | ||
| You've been part of this, you know, breeding, or whatever. | ||
| You're part of this Galactic Federation. | ||
| It's 2012. This is what's going on. | ||
| And the whole history of us was just thrust upon us. | ||
| Well, imagine if our entire civilization was just the interstellar version of SeaWorld. | ||
| We're SeaWorld for aliens. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So you find this out, and they tell you... | ||
| They tell you... | ||
| No, I don't even want to get into it, because it's just... | ||
| Why? | ||
| You don't want to get into it? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| No, it's just... | ||
| I don't want to get into it, but it just... | ||
| Man, what... | ||
| What's going to happen when eventually... | ||
| What happened right there where you said you don't want to get into it? | ||
| Nah, it's a long story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because then this guy came in the room and he started taking off his clothes and I started slowly sucking his... | |
| How would people react if... | ||
| Because if the entire truth... | ||
| If it wasn't even aliens, what if our government said, okay, this is what's going on. | ||
| This is the history of the solar system. | ||
| This is the history of the Galactic Federation. | ||
| We're actually part of this giant federation... | ||
| We were just left alone for a few hundred thousand years to get to a certain point. | ||
| Now we're part of this. | ||
| Now we need to move everybody to another planet because an asteroid's coming, so we need to get on some fucking goddamn ships. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Could you imagine if UFOs actually came from the ocean? | ||
| What if they all come from the ocean? | ||
| What if we don't know it, but there's an intelligent species that is way older than us that figured out the best way to exist is to dig trenches deep into the ocean. | ||
| They have these deep underwater civilizations, so they're completely cut off from all the rest of the fish and all the wildlife, so they got completely removed from the food chain, much like we did by not living in the jungles. | ||
| How we moved in the cities? | ||
| They just built these fucking things down underground, and they became super sophisticated, and they controlled their environment like no other animal in the ocean, and they built fucking ships. | ||
| And they shoot those ships out into the... | ||
| And those ships look like dolphins. | ||
| And no, they're actually octopus, and all the octopus that we see are ones that got away. | ||
| Emperor Spongebob. | ||
| If something came from another planet, if something was so smart that it came from another planet, you would think that it would be able to hide itself. | ||
| You would think that's just... | ||
| We're going to figure that out before we figure out interplanetary travel. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| We're going to figure out cloaking. | ||
| Because if you pay attention, they're pretty close to cloaking. | ||
| They figured out a way to make a tank. | ||
| It broadcasts something. | ||
| It projects it on the side of the tank so it looks like the walls behind it. | ||
| It's fucking crazy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | |
| It's crazy shit. | ||
| So they're pretty close to figuring out how to do that and make it look really good. | ||
| Because if you think about the first one megapixel camera, I had one, dude. | ||
| It was a brick. | ||
| It was a one megapixel digital camera. | ||
| It was a brick. | ||
| And now your phone has an eight megapixel camera or even more. | ||
| How about when they master your thoughts and your dreams and you could sell your dreams and badass dudes that are lucid dreamers and they create amazing... | ||
| It's like watching a martial arts movie. | ||
| You watch MMA now. | ||
| Why are we going to watch Jeff Speakman? | ||
| Why are we going to watch Steven Seagal? | ||
| We got the real shit. | ||
| And then when you start watching real dreams, you download them, boom. | ||
| What was that movie with Juliette Lewis? | ||
| What if the dude was completely crazy and you run the risk of becoming crazy by following his dreams? | ||
| But there's a few dudes who are just fucking their dreams are so awesome. | ||
| You're like, I'll fucking risk it. | ||
| And you want to ride dragons through the fucking cosmos and shit. | ||
| This guy has these ridiculous, vivid, multi-color sorcerer dreams. | ||
| Strange days, right? | ||
| Strange days. | ||
| Yeah, Strange Days is similar to that. | ||
| When you got that technology, like mastering your thoughts and your dreams into a DVD combined with virtual reality technology, where now you can get inside someone else's dream, and then they'll do real-time, like webcam dreams. | ||
| You go into their dreams as they're dreaming. | ||
| Well, that shit that I was talking about from Gizmodo where they recorded the dreams, that's very close to that. | ||
| They've already done it? | ||
| I want to see what the fuck that looks like. | ||
| What about when they figure out a way to actually force you to dream? | ||
| What if they figure out a way to trigger dreaming? | ||
| Like they figure out a way to somehow or another, they activate something in your mind and whatever chemicals that are released in whatever situation becomes artificial, like instantaneous. | ||
| They can make you dream. | ||
| This video is showing what they recorded from brain activity on the right side while they're watching it. | ||
| Whoa, that image of the fucking guy? | ||
| Keep playing that. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| So on the right side is what the brain is seeing. | ||
| On the left side is what the person's watching. | ||
| Damn, that's incredible. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, it's on Gizmodo. | ||
| It's under... | ||
| There's a lot of people that are worried about this, right? | ||
| Gizmodo. | ||
| Scientists reconstruct brains' visions into digital video and historic experiment. | ||
| That's the ultimate right there. | ||
| A lot of people are worried about this. | ||
| They're worried about this ultimate conversion of people and machine and that it's happening way quicker than we think it is. | ||
| When you look up and you realize that stuff like that is taking place right under your nose and you didn't know about it, you're like, oh my God. | ||
| What is next? | ||
| Somehow or another, we're going to be able to read each other's minds. | ||
| We're going to go right into each other's brains, and we're all going to become one organism. | ||
| We're going to really recognize ourselves as one. | ||
| Yeah, talking's going to be fucking for idiots. | ||
| You know, it's just going to be telepathy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You take telepathy 101. They're going to run into people that still talk. | |
| We're going to be like shaking our head at them. | ||
| Living in the bush in Australia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We like talking, mate. | |
| You'll laugh at those people but without any facial expressions. | ||
| You just laugh in your head. | ||
| And that's the time we could talk to the dolphins and animals and be Dr. Do that all. | ||
| Do you think that's what aliens stand for? | ||
| The archetype of the alien with the big giant head and the big eyes and the emotionless face? | ||
| All that emotion outside is all just necessary only because we're shitty at communicating. | ||
| And once we're able to communicate completely through the mind, we won't need anything anymore. | ||
| So what do you think that represents? | ||
| It represents our inevitable future? | ||
| Our encoded end? | ||
| It's gotta be. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| That's just the way it goes. | ||
| Technology marches on at a staggering pace. | ||
| If you look at us compared to chimps, right? | ||
| I mean, we're not done. | ||
| It's very clear that human beings are some sort of a work in progress. | ||
| And if you look at us compared to chimps, the big mystery in the fossil record is the doubling of the human brain size that it doubled over a period of two million years. | ||
| And they don't know why. | ||
| They don't know what it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ununucky. | |
| Bad math. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it could be. | ||
| In the old days? | ||
| No, they wouldn't count right. | ||
| How many deer we kill? | ||
| I thought it was two. | ||
| So if you think about what we became from the monkey origin, you know, the original... | ||
| You know, lower primates, what we became with our bigger head. | ||
| Well, if it's going to keep moving in that same direction, we're going to have big, giant heads. | ||
| And if you look at the muscles that are on chimps, and then you look at a scrawny-ass average American male, you know, who doesn't exercise and just works in a fucking cubicle all day, their scrawny body is very much like the scrawny body of an alien. | ||
| So if you keep going in that direction, that's exactly what they come out like. | ||
| You come out like some fucking giant brainiac with little twig limbs that can't get anything done. | ||
| No jujitsu at all. | ||
| No sprawl. | ||
| Everything you've ever happened you can get without a facial expression and without a sound, without a peep. | ||
| You can get all that. | ||
| You can have so much fun just in your head. | ||
| You just go into other people's head and you just like, you know, go into a trance and you just get all this information and go through all their memories. | ||
| You look at someone else and go through their child and go, man... | ||
| I love hanging out with you, but in telepathy, just going through everyone's life. | ||
| I wonder if that's what it is. | ||
| And then you learn to block your thoughts. | ||
| You'd be like the best masturbation site. | ||
| I'm going to Eddie's site and just be like, yeah! | ||
| I wonder if that's what aliens are. | ||
| I wonder if aliens have figured out what they are as real things that we're never going to have real evidence about because they don't exist in this dimension and they interdimensional travel. | ||
| They just figured out how to tune into different dimensions. | ||
| So they can come here, hang for a little while, and fucking vamoose. | ||
| But they do it in a way that almost is undetectable, or that our instruments can't really pick up, because they're not even from here. | ||
| So they'll show up as ghosts of discs flying through the sky, and we barely register them, because what we're getting is static. | ||
| It's like we're watching one station on TV, and it's not quite tuned in, and another one comes in, and it's in Mexican. | ||
| That's what we're getting. | ||
| We're getting some bleed-over from another dimension, and that's what UFOs are. | ||
| Does Bob Lazar have a Twitter? | ||
| Wouldn't that be cool to have him on your show? | ||
| I think he's full of shit. | ||
| He might be. | ||
| He knows a lot and he's fascinating, but I almost wonder if that guy's working for the government, if he's a disinformation agent. | ||
| Because he lied about going to MIT. He lied about shit that's really traceable. | ||
| But then he says that, oh, the government, you know. | ||
| Hit his records? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's not true because they found school books from people who went to school with him, supposedly, that were in those classes. | ||
| And there's no Babo Zarr. | ||
| There's old versions of the – I mean unless they went back in time and altered every single one of the yearbooks. | ||
| The government's not going to do that. | ||
| They would get caught so easily. | ||
| He didn't say anything like that crazy. | ||
| We already know that there were German UFOs. | ||
| It was probably some American one that he saw. | ||
| It doesn't mean it was alien. | ||
| It could be some U.S. Air Force UFO that he saw. | ||
| That's not what he's saying, though. | ||
| What he's saying is it's absolutely alien. | ||
| When they were hired, they were hired to back-engineer it. | ||
| His whole story is... | ||
| If you don't know who Robert Lazar is, Robert Lazar is a guy who claimed to have worked for Area 51. The story is he had this job there. | ||
| He became fascinated. | ||
| He was a scientist, and he started helping them work with their aliens or these alien spacecraft that they had, and they were trying to reconstruct them. | ||
| But while this all was going on, they have to know everything you're doing. | ||
| So they monitor all your phone calls, and they found out that his wife was cheating on him. | ||
| And so they go, this motherfucker's gonna be emotionally unstable. | ||
| We gotta kick him out of the program because he's got turmoil in his life. | ||
| So they fired him abruptly. | ||
| He didn't understand why. | ||
| They wouldn't explain to him why. | ||
| They fired him. | ||
| And so the guy started bringing his friends around to watch the UFOs get launched. | ||
| And that's when he got arrested. | ||
| And that's when he started telling his story. | ||
| You know, he started telling his story about how he worked there and they hired him to back engine. | ||
| It sounds awesome when you listen to him talk. | ||
| Yeah, and when he does, when he breaks down science and all these equations and shit. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I mean, man, he's an amazing liar. | ||
| If he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about but he's going off with it, he's saying some incredible shit about anti-gravity and all this crazy shit. | ||
| It almost makes me think that he's a plant and that he was hired to do this because it makes UFOs look silly. | ||
| Because when you look into the guy and he says all these fantastic things and then you find out that he actually never really went to MIT and he lied about his past and they can't find any record of him anywhere and Maybe he worked at Los Alamos. | ||
| Who the fuck knows what he did there? | ||
| But he wasn't involved in any Area 51 bullshit. | ||
| This is, of course, obviously what the government says. | ||
| But it makes him look ridiculous. | ||
| It makes him look silly if he lied about where he went to school. | ||
| So maybe if you wanted to end speculation about any particular area, whether or not UFOs were there, you have some guy tell some crazy story about it and then make sure that he's full of shit. | ||
| Make sure he's full of shit about other things. | ||
| So people investigate. | ||
| When a fantastical story, they have to investigate. | ||
| And they investigate and they find out that he's full of shit. | ||
| And it makes the whole thing seem silly. | ||
| But we know for a fact they definitely test weapons there. | ||
| And there's videos that people have shot back before. | ||
| They extended the range of where you're prohibited to travel. | ||
| You used to be able to get much closer to Area 51. But people would go to this certain ridge and they would film all these different things flying through the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| Fucking crazy things taking all these right angle turns in the middle of the sky. | ||
| And what most people think is that that's where they were initially practicing with drones and that those things that were glowing in the sky, the reason why they look like UFOs is like this is the reason why they move so haphazardly through the sky. | ||
| These were all radio controlled and they really didn't have it down yet. | ||
| And we know now they have drones down to a fucking science. | ||
| And now the drone technology has gotten to the point. | ||
| Yeah, they killed that guy, that American-born terrorist. | ||
| They killed a couple of them, I guess. | ||
| But can the drones move like those lights did that they captured? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They seem to be... | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| They seem to be just like model airplanes. | ||
| Yeah, those are just model airplanes. | ||
| Yeah, so I don't know about the drone theory. | ||
| Well, you've got to think about what these drones are for. | ||
| These drones are carrying missiles. | ||
| They're just the weight alone. | ||
| If you have something that it's in... | ||
| Say if you have something and you're flying around some magnetic... | ||
| Some new next level anti-gravity fucking ball of steel and we figured out how to pilot this thing, but it's not that accurate. | ||
| It works on magnetic waves and it's all fucking nutty, but it glows and it flies all around. | ||
| There's no one in it, so it can take crazy g-force turns in the sky. | ||
| It's very possible that that's a completely different thing, but that they learn from that. | ||
| And they apply specific things that they learn from that into these other drones that they make. | ||
| But the other drones that they make are often just based on artificially powered planes, which they've had forever. | ||
| And that was the part of Operation Northwinds. | ||
| They were going to blow up a drone plane. | ||
| They already had the ability to launch a fucking plane into the sky just using remote control. | ||
| So I think that it's entirely possible that all that shit that people saw around Nevada, it's like things that the government experimented on. | ||
| And that you have a guy like Robert Lazar who comes and says all this crazy shit about UFOs and turns out he's a liar, and then it makes the whole idea of UFOs being there to be nonsense. | ||
| And then people just want to leave it alone. | ||
| I think it's more of a place where they keep seeds, keep certain animals, almost like a Noah's Ark. | ||
| Yeah, like a civilization. | ||
| Why do you think that? | ||
| Because they have to do that. | ||
| The government has to do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, don't you think they have... | ||
| Like, they've already bought, like, seeds-wise, the government has already bought, like, almost every single seed possible, you know? | ||
| And that's to keep it... | ||
| Isn't it to keep it, like, pure, to, like, always have... | ||
| Where have you heard this? | ||
| Where are you getting this information from? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I saw something online about how the government bought... | ||
| All the seeds? | ||
| All the seeds. | ||
| All the huge companies. | ||
| So they have, like, a Noah's Ark situation? | ||
| Or one company bought all these seeds. | ||
| In Norway, they got that. | ||
| They have like billions of seeds that they got stored. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's like a news. | ||
| They got Norway seed storage. | ||
| Really? | ||
| A giant. | ||
| So they're preparing for the end of the world. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think that's a fact. | ||
| I think that's... | ||
| It's close to probably what it is. | ||
| It's just to be in the middle of the United States. | ||
| Apparently, Norway has the biggest underground bunkers, too. | ||
| Over 33 square miles. | ||
| That's the rumor. | ||
| Norway's the biggest. | ||
| It could house a million people for two years. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Well, I know there's some place in the Palm Springs desert. | ||
| There's some guy, they had him on TV and he was talking about it. | ||
| They've set up apartments there and people buy them and they're like quarter million bucks and you own an apartment underground. | ||
| Oh yeah, they have that. | ||
| You can find that shit on the internet, dude. | ||
| They're abandoned missile silos that they're making like communities and shit and they won't let just anybody. | ||
| I have a friend who actually looked into it and he wants to spend the money. | ||
| The problem is... | ||
| How are you going to get there? | ||
| How are you going to get there when a fucking tidal wave comes? | ||
| Even if you could get there, there's communities that they're building. | ||
| Do you have to have some kind of skill to even buy one? | ||
| How are you going to contribute to this community? | ||
| You've got to pass all these tests and these interviews. | ||
| Then they take 50 grand or whatever. | ||
| When shit goes down... | ||
| And I'm at the front door, are you going to open the goddamn door for me? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| The only way that would work is if everyone had their own private entrance and you had your own key to it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But, fuck. | ||
| Because if you open up the door and then the horde of zombies came in behind you and killed everybody in the thing. | ||
| Yeah, I could totally see them like, don't fucking open the door for nobody. | ||
| Some shit went down. | ||
| Yeah, like apartment complexes. | ||
| Remember when you lived, if you ever lived in an apartment complex, someone leaves the door open and people get in and break into people's houses? | ||
| And that's what happens. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, I wouldn't trust that. | ||
| They'll take your money now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That seems too sketchy, unless you live in it. | ||
| Unless you're a compound guy, like you got a house. | ||
| Like, you remember, I don't know if you heard about this, there was a house in Italy, and they suspected this guy of having some sort of an underground military bunker because he had moved a bunch of dirt out of there, and there had been years and years of construction. | ||
| And so the Italian government threatened him. | ||
| They're like, dude, we're going to burn your fucking house down and kill you. | ||
| Like, tell us what the fuck is going on in your basement. | ||
| Like, they were threatened by this guy. | ||
| Well, they went into his basement and he had this incredible artistically designed temple. | ||
| It's all different styles of art. | ||
| When I say artistically designed, it wasn't like by happenstance. | ||
| It was like engineered and planned, these huge caverns, like thousands and thousands and thousands of square feet. | ||
| And it's like one room is in an Egyptian theme and the other room is in this incredible other beautiful theme. | ||
| Was he preparing for the end of the world? | ||
| I don't know, but he built this fucking thing under his house. | ||
| He built a whole different world under his house. | ||
| It's amazing, man. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| People are always trying to build things and hide from people because they're worried about the inevitable collapse. | ||
| Just get a nice spot down in the middle of the earth. | ||
| Air is pumped up through a straw. - They're definitely building bigger and bigger bunkers and they're turning into cities. | ||
| That's just natural. | ||
| If I was the ruler of the world, I would just have people on the case nonstop keep building that shit deeper and deeper and deeper. | ||
| Keep building it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because if you're running shit and you have the power and the unlimited resource to build some safety, of course it's just natural human behavior It's the human condition to dig underground and be safe. | ||
| If you could, if you could, if you had all the money, shit, just keep digging. | ||
| If you were doing that, though, you literally might be some of the last people on Earth. | ||
| What a crazy responsibility that would feel. | ||
| If you knew that the whole world got wiped out, but you were inside some fucking thing, and that you had a 90% chance, and once you got out, the radiation had died down enough so that you could survive... | ||
| We've got to survive two years under there. | ||
| If the government came up to you and said, Joe, we need you to keep your mouth shut, man. | ||
| You and your family can all come down. | ||
| What is it, an asteroid coming? | ||
| It's coming, but you've just got to shut up about it. | ||
| We just can't fit everybody. | ||
| We can't fit everybody in. | ||
| You and your family, just... | ||
| Pipe down. | ||
| I never thought of it that way. | ||
| Would you do it? | ||
| You have to wonder who you want to live with. | ||
| You and your family. | ||
| It might be better to just die. | ||
| It might be better to find out where the asteroid's going to hit and drive there. | ||
| That might be the move, man. | ||
| Living underground with a bunch of fucking other savages. | ||
| I think naturally we have that drive. | ||
| We want to live. | ||
| We're always reaching out. | ||
| No matter what, we're trying to live. | ||
| We have a responsibility to keep this race going. | ||
| I never thought about it. | ||
| If you were creating a Noah's Ark, what animals you would... | ||
| Because you wouldn't do every single animal. | ||
| You would keep the ones that were the most important, like chickens... | ||
| Dude, I would just do nothing but bunnies, bro. | ||
| Just rats. | ||
| It would be chickens, cows... | ||
| The idea of being able to actually hold all the animals in one place is ridiculous. | ||
| However, the idea of being able to hold the genetic information for all the animals in one place is absolutely doable. | ||
| If there was ever a Noah's Ark in the real life past of humanity, what it is is probably a DNA bank. | ||
| At one point in time, there was a high level of intelligence. | ||
| When Graham Hancock was on, he was talking about... | ||
| Like, intelligence must have reached very high levels and then got wiped out by some huge natural disaster. | ||
| And then people were sort of left to fend for themselves and kind of re-figure things out. | ||
| And some things never get figured out again, man. | ||
| Some people reached a certain direction, a certain level, and they reached it in Egypt in 3000 BC, and we still haven't hit that yet. | ||
| That makes sense to me. | ||
| That makes a lot of sense to me. | ||
| I know that my genes would want to keep going. | ||
| I would want to keep going. | ||
| But man, what kind of a life would that be? | ||
| The post-apocalyptic life? | ||
| That would suck a bit of a dick. | ||
| I would definitely do it. | ||
| I would try to live. | ||
| Yeah, I think I would too. | ||
| I would too, but fuck it would suck. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| And you were just supposed to try to make as many babies as possible, so you just had to find any girl you can and just come in her and just like, that'd be awesome. | ||
| Isn't it amazing though? | ||
| Isn't it amazing that our terrified world, what's the terrified world is that we would lose all of this. | ||
| We'd lose everything that we can bang on. | ||
| We could lose our houses and we'd be stuck with just needing to forage for food. | ||
| We can't go to stores. | ||
| We don't have trucks anymore. | ||
| Start over. | ||
| Everything start over. | ||
| Start over. | ||
| We're terrified of starting over. | ||
| Every other animal starts over every fucking day of the week. | ||
| We're terrified of it. | ||
| We are so connected to devices and inventions and technology that the idea of being alone in nature forever is fucking horrific. | ||
| That's horrific. | ||
| That's jail. | ||
| You'd rather go to jail and get fed four square meals a day. | ||
| And at least if your bunkie's a good guy and you can play chess together. | ||
| You know? | ||
| What if you were allowed, like, what if the government said, okay, we got one year, this motherfucker's gonna hit us, everybody build your own bunker in the backyard, and everyone just started building. | ||
| You know how rich Mexicans would be? | ||
| They'd be charging a lot of money, man. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because they'd be the ones doing it. | ||
| They'd be the ones digging the bunkers? | ||
| They'd be charging 150 an hour. | ||
| Well, I think they'd want their own bunker, man. | ||
| They'd be like, fuck you. | ||
| Money doesn't mean anything when an asteroid's coming. | ||
| And they tell you how deep it's gotta be. | ||
| It's gotta be, you know... | ||
| They already have their tunnels. | ||
| 30 yards deep. | ||
| You know, it's coming. | ||
| You got one year. | ||
| Everybody would be digging, man. | ||
| They'd have instructions. | ||
| Everyone has their instructions from the government. | ||
| Build your own shit. | ||
| You have a year. | ||
| Could you imagine if you were underground and everyone's locked down and you're all waiting? | ||
| There's a countdown. | ||
| And you know that it's supposed to happen within the minute. | ||
| You got video cameras? | ||
| No video cameras. | ||
| You're in a bunker. | ||
| You're underground. | ||
| You're just waiting for the thump. | ||
| You're waiting for the impact of the earth. | ||
|
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You're waiting to hit it. | |
| You just feel the whole thing just rattle and shake. | ||
| Everything just shake. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| They say that the one that killed the dinosaurs, when it hit the earth, it was five miles deep in the first second and a half. | ||
| The first second and a half, it went five miles deep into the earth. | ||
| And these are the same people that measured the brain from the caveman time, right? | ||
| No, these are just regular... | ||
| No, it's totally different types of science, you fuckhead. | ||
| They just talk about what an impact that must have been like. | ||
| And if you were right there, you're fucked. | ||
| But if you were on the other side in your three-mile-deep bunker... | ||
| Five miles deep, yo. | ||
| You know how I do. | ||
| How much oxygen would you need? | ||
| You would have to have plants? | ||
| But would that even work? | ||
| Could you have an environment underground where you had plants and you generated electricity so that you could give the artificial sunlight to the plants and the plants cleaned up the carbon dioxide that you breathed out and gave you oxygen? | ||
| Would that be possible? | ||
| Could you develop an environment like that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I wonder if they could do that, if they could figure out a way, if there's some method of power that they could harness, like say if they had some sort of an underground reactor. | ||
| So they got this underground reactor, and they got this set up for the fact it'll work for X amount of years, and blah blah blah, and they have a whole artificial world down there, and this reactor runs these lights, and they make it rain on these plants, and the plants breathe out oxygen, and we breathe out carbon dioxide, and they live off that Everyone makes their own underground bunker, and we've figured out a way, like we have a power source that's going to last for two years or whatever. | ||
| We could communicate with other people on these walkie-talkies and shit, and then you start digging to them, and you make little tunnels to them and shit, and other people try to jack you with their tunnels. | ||
| Like, dude, I don't want you in my life, dude. | ||
| Just go back. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| It's like digging like rabbits. | ||
| Jack in tunnels. | ||
| When people's tunnels cross, you have to put gates on your tunnels. | ||
| I live in a gated tunnel. | ||
| Where does all the poop go? | ||
| People just show up and tell them, no dude, I live in a totally gated tunnel. | ||
| You have gangs in these... | ||
| Guard gated tunnel. | ||
| That could be crazy, right? | ||
| Well, it's possible. | ||
| It's underground, man. | ||
| People breaking into your shit all the time from underneath. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's going to be terrible. | |
| If the power ever goes out under there, what a horrible way to die. | ||
| I would have a syringe ready to go for everyone in my family. | ||
| We all have a syringe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If some shit goes down, just shoot that motherfucker. | |
| And then just go to sleep and just fuck it. | ||
| And on that pretty note... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks, Eddie. | |
| We didn't even say your name. | ||
| Eddie Bravo. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| We just started talking. | ||
| I'm going to be in Montreal in October. | ||
| I'm going to be at 10th Planet Vista. | ||
| Go to the Nibiru Forum at 10thPlanetJJ.com. | ||
| All my seminar information is there. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| What was that, Brian? | ||
| I had a special effect on the song. | ||
| Montreal coming. | ||
| You're so silly. | ||
| This Friday, Houston, Texas. | ||
| The Verizon Wireless Theater with Brendan Walsh and Joey Diaz. | ||
| We're coming correct. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| We're slinging dick and passing out bubble gum, as Joey Diaz would say. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| If you're going to walk on ice, you might as well dance. | ||
| St. Louis in November. | ||
| Australia, Melbourne in December. | ||
| I'm going to do New Zealand. | ||
| Wait, where's your website? | ||
| They're not going to remember this. | ||
| Where's your website? | ||
| 10thplanetjj.com Shazam! | ||
| Go to the forum. | ||
| That's where all the info's at. | ||
| If you're looking for a place to train, Legends in Hollywood is where it all goes down. | ||
| Come to California. | ||
| What's the address? | ||
| 5176 Santa Monica Boulevard. | ||
| It's on the east side of Hollywood. | ||
| Big-ass gym. | ||
| We got X-Pole there. | ||
| We got pole dances. | ||
| We got jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I teach jiu-jitsu there. | ||
| That's 10th Planet Headquarters. | ||
| We got an excellent kickboxing gym. | ||
| We got an awesome MMA team. | ||
| Chris Riley is the MMA coach. | ||
| He's the head coach for the Legends MMA team. | ||
| And it even has creepy co-ed locker rooms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the weirdest shit of all time. | ||
| The strippers are training with the animals. | ||
| Oh, it's done on purpose. | ||
| Yeah, the dudes are taking gnarly shits and they get out and girls are waiting to get in there. | ||
| I have more than one time taking a gnarly shit and then you get out and some poor girl is waiting to get in there and they're all in the bathroom and they're like, alright, good luck with that. | ||
| I didn't know this until recently, but we actually have the biggest strip pole class. | ||
| We have the longest poles. | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| And I didn't know that. | ||
| I didn't know we had the most ultimate pole dancing school. | ||
| I hope you guys are insured to the gills from chicks falling on their heads. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm surprised it doesn't happen that often. | ||
| You hear about that Anderson Cooper thing? | ||
| Anderson Cooper's got a new daytime talk show, and he had some kid doing some skateboard stunt, and the kid fell on his head, and he's in critical condition. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| He's fucked up. | ||
| The producer's like, come on, show us something crazy. | ||
| I know you can do something crazy. | ||
| So the kid does something crazy and falls and lands on his fucking head. | ||
| On the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it. | |
| Well, they didn't use it. | ||
| They didn't air it, but they did it for the show. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Don't listen to Anderson Cooper, okay? | ||
| If he tells you to get crazy, think about what you're doing. | ||
| That's all I got to say. | ||
| The loop. | ||
| I missed the loop. | ||
| Fucking show's over, folks. | ||
| Thank you to The Fleshlight. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight. | ||
| Enter in the code name ROGAN. You will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| And if you're looking for Alpha Brain, go to Onnit.com and enter in the code name ROGAN. Save 10%. | ||
| I'm saving you money on your loads and your brain. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| The show's over. | ||
| We may have one tomorrow. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We've got to find a suitable guest. | ||
| And you're going to be a Comedy Juice at the Melrose Improv. | ||
| Oh yeah, tomorrow. | ||
| Comedy Juice at the Melrose Improv. | ||
| Tomorrow night. | ||
| I don't usually advertise that shit, son. | ||
| I just show up. | ||
| I'll be at Ice House Thursday. | ||
| Go! | ||
| Go crazy! | ||
| You gonna tell jokes? | ||
| Hey, I'm gonna be there with Ari Shafir and Freddie Lockhart for Comedy Juice at 10pm. | ||
| Oh, Thursday at the Ice House. | ||
| The small room is the shit, dude. | ||
| Are you doing it in the small room or in the big room? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, the main room. | |
| That's the small rooms. | ||
| I'm in love with that small room. | ||
| That 85-seater. | ||
| We're gonna be there a lot more often, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Thanks for everything. | ||
| Thank you everybody who came out to DC and wherever the fuck else I was. | ||
| Denver. | ||
| And we've been having a lot of fun. | ||
| And this weekend, Joey Diaz and Brandon Walsh at the Verizon Wireless. | ||
| Some tickets still available. | ||
| We're ready to come. | ||
| And then the next night's the UFC. Oh, it's going to be crazy. | ||
| Good UFC, too. | ||
| Thank you, Eddie Bravo. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| 10thplanetjj.com. | ||
| Oh, shit. |
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