Joe Rogan and Duncan Trussell explore unproven cell phone radiation risks—like sperm count drops and Virginia’s "electrosensitive" residents—while debating whether 5G’s constant data flow could be an evolutionary force. They critique wealth inequality (2% controlling resources), question official narratives (JFK assassination, moon landing), and mock patriotic symbolism as regressive. Rogan’s upcoming guests—Graham Hancock (ancient civilizations) and a newly uncovered Mayan pyramid in Guatemala—fuel skepticism of mainstream history. The duo also proposes intimate, live comedy podcasts with weed and trusted friends, blending humor with existential absurdity, like Tim & Eric’s pranks or Trussell’s The Lavender Hour. Ultimately, they argue for reckless joy paired with kindness amid life’s artificial yet powerful distractions. [Automatically generated summary]
The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.
What is The Fleshlight?
The Fleshlight is a vagina made out of rubber that's in a thing that looks like a flashlight.
And John Heffron, the brilliant comedian John Heffron, had a very funny point.
And he said, they really should make a flashlight that's a flashlight.
Because you never know where your flashlight is, but you always know where your flashlight is.
Right?
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Because it's funny.
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And, you know, there's always going to be some people that don't like certain things.
But the response, the positive response from these things has been fucking tremendous.
And even Tim Ferriss loved it.
And he thought the, you know, he read the ingredients and said they were great.
Said it's a perfect combination, which is really nice to hear because he was a fucking brilliant man.
What an interesting guy.
I've been reading his book, The Four Hour Work.
Well, The Four Hour Body is the one I've been reading.
It's so fucking informative.
There's so much in there, man.
About so many different things.
He did all these things, his own personal, detailed examinations and experiences he's done with his own body, like gaining 30 pounds over a course of six weeks.
He did all this bodybuilding stuff and all these different things where he combined foods and nutrients in different times of the day.
And he detailed everything.
And it's fucking really interesting.
One of the things that he detailed is that his balls were getting cooked by his cell phone and it was killing his sperm count.
Like, he's totally healthy.
He just gained all this muscle, right?
He's lifting weights, doing all this kettlebells and shit.
Figures he's healthy as a horse.
Gets his sperm checked just for whatever.
I mean, I know it's going to come back awesome.
You know, it's one of those things.
My loads are going to be awesome.
They're going to be glowing.
Well, he goes and his sperm is, like, down significantly.
So the only thing he does to change it is he adds some, I believe, Brazil nuts to his diet.
Because Brazil nuts contain certain minerals or something like that that's supposed to be good for your sperm count.
And took his cell phone out of his pocket.
No longer had a cell phone on him.
Apparently there's studies online that show a significant correlation between having your cell phone in your pocket and low sperm count.
Well, he wanted to know what was going on with his body.
Because his whole thing is about him experimenting with his body and trying different things that people have tried to get optimum performance out of your body.
There's a part of Virginia that is a cell phone free zone because there's some kind of radio telescopes out there and they want to have the purest signal and they don't want any disruption.
So there's a name for these zones.
And there are these people who've been moving to this town.
I can't remember the name of it.
Green something, West Virginia.
It's on my last tweet.
But they've been moving to this town because they think that they're sensitive to cell phone frequencies and they break out in rashes.
And this article, it said that the UN has acknowledged that this...
Does exist.
This health problem does exist, but there's no proof that it's from cell phones.
But there are people who get really sick when they're in cell phone areas.
Yeah, even if you can't process the information rationally, is your brain still tuning into it?
Like all these wireless signals that are in our...
I mean, we never think about that because it really hasn't...
Wireless...
Like, full wireless like we have now with internet and radio signals where your cordless phones are on a certain frequency and then of course cell phones.
One of my favorite videos that I think is one of the funniest videos ever.
First of all, it's so informative.
It's really interesting.
A lot of people don't even know who Nikola Tesla is.
He was this amazing genius.
And one of my personal best examples of that I have a lot of theories about brilliant people.
And a lot of the brilliant people that I've met have been crazy.
There's something there.
They might not be 100% crazy.
Maybe it's only 10% crazy.
Maybe they're hanging on with 20% or 30% crazy.
I almost believe to be super, super brilliant at something like Tesla was, at that level, so far beyond everybody else, that almost you have to be tuned out.
Imagine that You had to play that game for the rest of your life.
Even though you knew you were playing with kids and you knew it was just this big kids game, maybe when people get super, super, super smart, they recognize that they're sort of trapped in this dimension where everybody's deeply engrossed in what amounts to a baby's game that they all think is very important.
They all think it's really serious, but you recognize, oh no, this isn't Even a 1% of what exists in the world.
This isn't even 1%.
These idiots are playing the game of, like, presidents and country and army and police officer and married person.
But it's just a game.
Maybe when you get really, really smart, you see that, and all of a sudden, you don't...
If you're not really smart, or if you're just one of us, you just normally play the game.
You don't even think about it.
You wake up, go to work, you just play the game.
But imagine if you knew this was a make-believe game.
So every day you woke up and you're like, well, gotta go play this absurd, silly game.
And you just knew it.
Then you'd start doing weird shit.
Because it'd be hard for you to just instinctually do all the different things that everyone does.
You'd start doing weird shit.
And people would be like, he's kind of off, isn't he?
He's a little off.
He doesn't shake hands.
I wonder why he doesn't shake hands.
What's shaking hands?
This is a stupid fuck.
I don't want to slap tentacles.
I'm sorry.
I don't feel like rubbing tentacles with you today.
He had basically figured out in his mind a way to generate, I guess you'd consider it wireless electricity.
He had this idea that rather than having to have an engine generating the electricity, that I don't know, reality itself or every bit of reality had compressed within it enough energy to supply anything.
There's like energy all around us.
That was his idea.
We're just surrounded by energy and there's a way to tap into it.
Assuming that you didn't have to have a hydroelectric dam or oil or whatever to create energy, assuming that in every inch of the universe there was infinite energy, then every house would become a power plant.
It wouldn't all be based on wherever the main energy is coming from, the nuclear power plant or whatever.
It would be some sort of device that you could put in your house that could channel the energy.
You know, man, the thing I've been thinking lately is that we live in such a funny time because I guess people just don't...
Like, if you start saying things like, no, you know what, I have the feeling that there's actually another energy source out there that we haven't even stumbled upon yet that...
It has like a million times more energy than you could ever need.
If you say that now, people really will – you seem kind of like a fruit or a flake or an idiot or they're like, well, base it in science.
You don't know what that is or you don't know what you're talking about.
But there was a time when if you were just talking about electricity, you would have seen like an absolute lunatic.
Like if you went around in the, I don't know, 1200s and started telling people, listen, there's this fucking energy called electricity that's more powerful than fire.
You can use it to, you can run it through wires and if you touch it, you'll get electrocuted.
They'd be like, get this fucking witch on the stake!
Well, what I was thinking is, it's like, okay, so, like, what if...
This is something I so wish that you could do and you'll never be able to do it, but it would be so amazing to look at from the beginning of time to right now in a 20 second fast forward to see what that blur of happening looked like or the evolution.
It would be so fun to be able to see in a real way what evolution looked like from the evolution of a fucking I don't know, the evolution of a chicken into a, or a dinosaur into a chicken.
It'd be amazing to watch that thing happen really fast.
It'd be really cool.
But, so, like, okay, see, this is gonna sound crazy, and I'm sorry if it seems rambling and weird, because I haven't quite figured out how to articulate this idea, but, like, if you have, okay, you have fire.
Fire leaves Where there's been a fire, there's soot, there's ashes, black soot, whatever, from the carbons being released in the fire, right?
The carbon, rather.
So, in the same way, I was thinking, what if there's another form of energy that's raging through time, and this form of energy, instead of leaving ashes, leaves evolved things?
It's like the byproduct of the energy is that it causes things to evolve and advance and grow and become more sophisticated.
Maybe that energy, there's literally an energy associated with evolution.
There's an energy that you can tap into.
Which is why computers are so amazing is because they can really tap into that energy right away in the form of open source software and stuff like that.
And you see things that go open source or things that allow...
The most people to have the most input, so the most intelligent people having the input create the advance in whatever the thing is.
You know, the classic example of it, a silly example of it, is like Reddit, where someone will write something and then the top comment inevitably will be so fucking funny because hundreds and hundreds of people have voted it up to the top.
So it creates this evolved way of getting information to float up to the surface.
Yeah, because, you know, in history, in occult history...
always have imps or familiars that's a common way to know that you're around like that's why you know like david lynch in twin peaks that spooky little fucking backwards talking midget you know the guy that table is for my god right um so like that's an occult symbol like it like witches would always have around them in lore they would always have like a cat you know some kind of creature and sometimes they'd have a little imp or a creature with them
so mantelban rorke's tattoo was his name It seemed like in the pilot they were thinking, let's make this like, let's make him a Faustian character where he's like, where he's not, you know, he's maybe not giving people exactly what they want.
Because remember, some people would want something and it'd fuck them up.
He knew something was wrong and he went to the doctor and I guess the line was ridiculous and he wound up just couldn't take it anymore and he left the doctor and he wound up dying.
I cannot wait until the day, and this day will never come, but the day when we have zoos, where politicians are placed in zoos, like antiquated things, like kids can come and look at them, like, behold...
And he started out on the show A Married Guy and somehow or another he got so many girls from being on Hogan's Heroes that he just completely became out of control.
Didn't take care of his career, didn't take care of his family, just was just banging chicks and filming it all.
And they're stacked and he eventually wound up getting murdered and it was a very sordid thing because they believed that the guy who played the Willem Dafoe character was the one who killed him and they even I think they had that in the movie as well.
They probably got jealous that Bob Crane was getting all the punana.
He used to sit in front of a television at a bar when he knew the show would be on.
his show was like long since canceled it would be on in reruns and he would be doing like local theater like at these towns and he would just bang all the local broads and film them all they were freaks back then they didn't have any Twitter they didn't have any TMZ you could just go off you didn't have to If something was on a VHS tape, I mean, who's going to see?
It wasn't even a VHS. It was like 18 millimeter, 8 millimeter, 16 millimeter, whatever the hell it is.
You know, those little reels.
You had to play it on a projection thing.
And he was like one of the first dudes to be on top of that shit, that technology of filming things.
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Hey, did you see those naked pictures of that girl that were released?
And it occurred to me, when I looked at the magazine, and I didn't have any attachment, I'd be like, God damn it, if there was a fucking, some Jennifer Aniston broken heart, because Gerard Butler, you know, fucking did her wrong, I'd be like, oh wow, what'd that guy do?
Some stuff in the world does the same thing to your attention that the planet does to satellites.
It'll grab your attention and suddenly you're circling this weird temporary vortex in the subject of reality, the planet, with your attention.
It's so stupid.
There's so many things that have that example.
Football, any sports, it's the exact same attention gravity.
Video games, attention gravity.
Girls, attention gravity.
It's all different gravitational fields that will, depending on what person you're like, you're going to get your attention sucked into this certain thing.
And once it gets sucked in deep enough, you're not thinking about anything else.
You know that thing when everything shuts down except for whatever the silly thing is?
Well, we're assuming that life is going to be hard.
We're assuming that life isn't going to be like a fucking Wi-Fi frequency.
Just because we are physical and we are hard and we touch things and move them and manipulate matter doesn't mean all life has to do that.
We know that bacteria doesn't do that.
We can't even fucking see it.
We need some crazy lens that magnifies our normal reality down to the point where it's supposed to be completely invisible to us.
We're not supposed to be able to see it.
But yeah, we can find it.
And we can find that there's some life there.
There's something there.
Intelligent life might be ideas.
Intelligent life might be creativity.
What creativity might be is when you just relax the fuck enough to listen to this intelligent life that's all around you, that's trying to...
where you're going to manipulate matter to the point where you punch a fucking hole through space and time, and the idea of tangible objects no longer exists.
Imagine if when they got stuck in the mine, some kind of fume came out that gave them complete amnesia And so they completely lost their identities and couldn't even speak any language anymore.
And so they thought that that's where they were born as this stupid mine.
And imagine the people outside the mine would first have to teach them English.
Teach them a language.
Teach them who they were.
Give them all this information first before they can get trapped out of, you know, escape from the mind.
So in the same way, maybe this whole dimension is some kind of cave-in.
And on the other side of it, there's like super advanced beings that are trying to teach us like, hey, wake up!
You know, try this, try this, try this.
You have to get smarter before they...
Because like, if you can't tell someone in the 1800s about electricity, you sure as fuck can't tell them about the multiverse.
And that when you get a reconditioned laptop, you got a laptop that's all this hard drive, all this space and operating system, and then you swipe all the data at and just give it to someone to add their own stuff to.
Completely clean.
But has this past.
And that is what a human is.
You come into this life, you press a reset button.
Every 800 views of that teeny banner on that app, he gets a dollar, which sucks, but knowing what Google AdSense pays for views of an ad, it's not far off.
And some fucking dummy on my message board wrote some whole thing about how he's upset at you because you charge for a podcast and he'll never fucking pay.
Listen, no one is telling you you have to pay.
And in fact, Duncan is actually giving you something for free still.
He does an extra one a week.
And in the extra one, he wants to see if he can make some money.
But I think it's – I know it's – that's what I thought originally.
But then when I started thinking about it more, I realized that it uncovers this certain layer of conditioning that exists in people.
Because like when you go to the ATM and the ATM asks you for two bucks or whatever to get cash out because you're not at your bank – You're just like, ah, fuck it.
I'll do it.
When you're at the gas station and it's like 35 cents convenience fee.
I don't even know what that fucking means.
But I'll pay it.
But the moment artists start saying, hey, I'd like to make money for the stuff I'm making, people are like, what the fuck?
And the experiment totally worked, and it made me think...
You know, this is a model, maybe this is a new model that other people can use.
It's like, instead of pulling the rug out from people's feet and saying, you're paying now, I'm charging for everything, you always offer some free thing for people to enjoy, and then you add one extra thing to it so people are really into it and don't mind paying.
Most people send us emails saying they like supporting the show.
Now I've got to exist in a Philip K. Dick universe with being terrified of people who email me.
You know what?
By the way, people already know I respond to shit because I talk to people on Facebook.
You do, on occasion, get some emails from people that it really seems like these are cops.
You know what I mean?
Oh, sure.
I got an email from somebody who's like...
Hi, me and my buds were thinking of taking some magic mushrooms and were wondering if you could tell us where to get them or could send us some in the mail.
But it was like the slang they were using was like...
How about we make it so that, just like our ancestors, we get to the point where nothing we have is traceable once the big bang happens and a fucking rock hits the planet and all our hardware corrodes.
Because the moment you climb out of the pussy, it's open game.
But when you're in there, no one can touch you.
They're all anti-abortion, but the moment you're born, they're like, let him die.
You could have a baby that pops out and doesn't have insurance inside the fetus if the woman wanted to get inside the womb if the woman wanted an abortion.
The Tea Party would be like, no, it's evil.
The moment that baby comes out, if it doesn't have insurance...
When you get to a certain point, you're supposed to take personal responsibility.
I think the way they're going about it is pretty silly.
The idea should be that you should have a sense of community that is...
Sure.
Our real problem is that there's too many fucking people and that you cannot have communities of 20 million people because you're going to get a diffusion of responsibility.
You're going to get a situation where there's too many fucking people and they're not going to care about one life here or one life there or one person here or one person there.
They don't have to.
But if you lived in a village of 50 people, everyone would have to care about everyone.
And that's how we're supposed to live.
We're supposed to live like in the movie Little Red Riding Hood where there's a girl with the bug eyes.
It's really hot.
What's that chick?
She's blonde.
Who cares?
I don't care.
She's very hot.
She's in a lot of movies.
And she was in Little Red Riding Hood.
And they played this little village where there was a werewolf that came and was fucking everybody up.
I have to see all werewolf movies across.
Even Little Red Riding Hood.
But she lives in this little village.
And as I was watching, all these people sort of prepare their town and stockpile everything and prepare for this werewolf.
I was like, this is how people really are supposed to live.
They're supposed to live in small communities that are worried about outsiders.
That's how they're supposed to live.
It's supposed to be everybody that you know in this little area is your friend.
You're all cool.
You're cool together.
You work together.
You eat together.
You hunt together.
You cook together.
Everyone is in this little group.
The people that you don't know that come over the hill, those are the ones you have to worry about.
But the other part of the problem is that the biological evolution, the evolution of the animal, the human animal itself, to adapt to this system of this community being intensely Like, incredibly larger than it used to be.
No, I mean the idea of a giant community of a bunch of people you don't even fucking know in a number that's so large you can't wrap your head around.
We don't know what 300 million means.
300 million is just some numbers on a piece of paper.
No one's brain registers what 300 million people is.
But that's the community that we're involved in.
Somehow or another, the world has grown to the point where 300 million people plus the whole rest of the world is constantly communicating at the exact same time, which is something the biological body of today is absolutely not ready for.
So all of our checks and balances and natural reward systems are completely fucking hijacked.
Just like they're hijacked with movies that fucking trick us.
Just like they're hijacked with placebos.
The whole system is hijacked.
And we just have not caught up to how much life has changed.
But isn't that why the system has gotten this big this fast in the first place?
It's almost like you need greed and intense ambition and all these things that in some form ultimately lead to monarchies, ultimately lead to bad things.
It's like they get so intense that a person is so competitive about money that they get to the point where they have way more money than they can use and they're fucking over the rest of the world, but they can't even help themselves.
Not what you're saying, because what you're saying is smart, but the base version is, these 2% of the wealthy...
Have earned their money and they deserve to keep it.
And everyone else, they're lazy fucks.
That's the idea.
They're just not lucky.
They just didn't put their shoulders to the grindstone.
They didn't push hard enough.
And so that's the idea.
Now, I think the real truth of the matter is that many of these people have inherited their money.
Many of these people, they didn't necessarily earn their money.
And even if they did earn the fucking money, the fact that there are...
People in the world with big, fat, bloated fucking bellies because they're starving to death in Somali and we can't get the resources there because some fundamentalist fucking Islamic organization won't let the shit through so that fucking babies can eat.
The fact that we're totally cool with that while simultaneously every bomb we drop costs $100,000 on top of Libya...
The fact that we're totally cool with that is an indication to me not of a nervous system not catching up, but a state of people not being educated appropriately in ethics.
It seems like a simple thing.
We need to fucking...
School teachers need to start getting paid their doctor's wage.
School teachers need to start getting paid the same amount the celebrities get paid so that it becomes a competitive industry, and only the super smart are the ones who start giving our children, like, the basic information.
And on that platform, you should run for president.
But my point is not attached to the human animal as one of its own.
My point is looking at it objectively.
When I look at it objectively, when I look at the way human beings are so intensely focused on wealth and so intensely focused on privilege and on conquering and taking over things, I really think that it's like a queen bee or like any sort of a natural large leader of an ant colony or whatever the fuck it is.
There's some crazy thing that people need in order to accomplish what we are abstractly aware of trying to accomplish.
And it goes back to this technology thing.
When you have ambition, any kind of ambition, you're going to have competition.
When you have competition, you're always going to have people that take it to the next level.
And some people take it to the next level like Michael Jordan does on the basketball court.
Or you've got guys like William Randolph Hearst who takes it to that next level when he was running basketball.
He's just a fucking dominator.
Fuck you.
I don't give a shit.
How about I make up stories and put them on my newspaper, you fuckhead.
And then I'm going to kill you and I'm going to make up a story and put it on my paper that says you were into kiddie porn, you fuckhead.
I mean, William Randolph Hearst got to some insane point of power.
But I almost wonder if instead of looking at these individual circumstances or individual people that...
Create horrible things and greed and obscenely wealthy people while other people are starving.
Instead of looking at that, I always look at the mechanism itself.
Look at the movement itself.
Which way is the wave going and why?
Why is it going in the most supposedly progressive of all the countries, being America, the most hyper-aggressive about controlling natural resources and about innovation and about weapons?
About weapons and about science.
And today, NASA announced that we're going to try to go to Mars.
Yeah, but no, because it pushes innovation and it pushes people to really, I mean, whether or not you believe people landed on the moon, I know it sounds retarded, I still have questions.
People go, but I got answers!
You know, there's like recent photographs of the moon landing and everybody sends them to me and they're like, what do you think, man?
What do you think?
And I think, if I was guilty of something, okay, and I sent you a picture that showed that I wasn't guilty of something and it was really fucking blurry and it looked like it was taken from a million miles away in black and white, would you believe me?
I would say if it's 99% What was that 1% there for?
What the fuck is it there for?
99% means I really believe it.
I just leave it open.
I don't have a percentage labeled on it.
I think the people in the 60s and the 70s were full of shit.
I think the government was intensely full of shit.
I think the Nixon administration was deceptive as a practice.
Generally, across the board, completely full of shit and without accountability until they got busted in Watergate and the shit that went on in the Vietnam War, how they got into the Vietnam War from the Gulf of Tonkin incident, which is a big, fat fucking lie.
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Yeah, but do you think the government would have learned by now, like, hey, we're getting at a smarter age.
Well, it turns out she was not in a gunfight at all.
She was in a fucking hospital.
There was no guns fired.
They went in and got her and they made up a goddamn story.
The Pat Tillman story.
Pat Tillman died because of fucking friendly fire.
Someone made a mistake and he died.
But when they put that story out, they did not say that.
When they put that story out, they said he died in defense of our country.
Meanwhile, Pat Tillman, when he was over there, was a huge...
He went from being a huge supporter of the war to going over there and openly criticizing and saying it was a gigantic clusterfuck of epic proportions.
And his brother still maintains that to this day.
So they lie about shit.
They make shit up.
I don't know whether or not they've made up landing on the moon.
I don't know whether or not they killed Kennedy.
I don't know.
I leave those open.
I leave those open because I think it's very possible.
There's nothing, there's etched in stone shit to me.
Here's something etched in stone.
Etched in stone, there was a man named Kennedy who was shot and killed.
It's fascinating to me, the whole idea of this bullet magically showing up on Governor Connolly's gurney.
They bring him in, oh, I think we found the bullet.
This bullet didn't look like it got shot through anything.
It's ridiculous.
There's more fragments of metal supposedly in their bodies that are missing from this bullet.
You know, attribute that to what you will, but the idea that you can shoot a bullet through fucking bone, and no one's ever been able to recreate that.
They tried that on one of those fucking shows, and the only way they were able to make it look anything even close to that bullet, they had to shoot it through, like, gelatin.
They had to shoot it through, like, fake skin that's supposed to replicate gelatin.
But as soon as you hit a bone, that's a rap song.
That bullet was warped and fucked up.
That's what happens to bullets, man.
It's supposed to be like that.
They fragment inside your body and they create more damage.
They shatter things.
They're lead with a shield on them of another metal, like brass or something like that.
Depending on what you have.
And they hit things.
They fuck up.
They bend up.
That Kennedy bullet didn't go through shit.
They shot that thing into a fucking fish tank.
That thing looked like it never hit anything.
Like it hit a million pillows.
Didn't look like it fucking hit anything hard like a bone and shattered someone's wrist.
I don't buy that for a goddamn second.
And if you do buy that, you're looking for that to be the answer.
You know, and the only reason why they ever even said that, you know, people dispute the positioning of the magic bullet.
The positioning...
Look, you know, Anthony Bourdain had a really good point when he talked about people that get shot.
When he was on our podcast talking about some people get shot and the bullet ricochets inside their head and exits out the back and doesn't even do any damage.
It was totally true.
Crazy things can happen when you're shooting bullets through people.
People have been shot through the head and nothing happens to them.
Literally.
Shot through the fucking head.
They have a hole straight through their head and they live.
And they don't have any functioning, you know, they're allowed to walk around.
They're fine.
They can rehab.
It's amazing.
Some people know.
But every time you shoot a bullet into something, that bullet gets fucked up.
Every time.
Every time.
And that bullet, if you look at that bullet, it's so clear that bullet didn't hit anything.
There's no fucking way it went through two different people.
There's no way.
And the only reason why they even had to say it went through two people is because we had to attribute three bullets to one person because they found a guy who was under the underpass who was hit with a ricochet.
When that guy, when they hit the curb, the ricochet of the granite came up, hit this guy, fucked him up.
He had to go to the hospital.
What happened?
I got hit with a ricochet.
They found the spot on the concrete or the granite.
And they had to attribute one of them In two different people's bodies to the same bullet.
It's completely unscientific.
Instead of saying, what is the possibility that even though we caught Lee Harvey Oswald, what if there was a guy on the roof above him?
Is that possible?
No, no, no, no, no.
Impossible.
Is it possible?
No, nothing possible.
Let's talk to this guy and find out.
Oh, this fucking mob-collected guy or mob-connected guy ran up to him and shot him in broad daylight in the stomach in front of everybody and police officers?
What?
What happened?
What kind of fucking charade are you running here?
Oh, the guy who killed Kennedy is dead.
Oh, well, that's convenient.
There you go.
Well, let's go back to work in Vietnam, and Lyndon Johnson's going to take care of everybody.
He loves you.
Hey, he's a good old boy, and it's terrible to happen to that boy Kennedy, but you know what?
Sometimes those youngins, those fucking Massachusetts boys, they don't know how to shut the fuck up.
Yeah, they clink whiskey glasses, and they proceed to fuck headless Thai whores.
You will find that in every age there was an idea people had about something that was okay that a later age found to be completely and absolutely wrong.
Most recently, segregation.
There was a time when I guess our grandparents, they would really go to use the bathroom and they'd be like, oh, there's the white person's bathroom.
And then they would say to whoever was working for them, like if they happened to take their black maid on a shopping trip, they'd be like, oh, there's the colored restroom.
You can go use that.
And that was normal.
They didn't do that with some sense of like, I don't know if I should do this or not.
To them, that was a normal state of existence.
If you go back a little bit before that, there was slavery.
You would go over to your friend's house and your friend would have a fucking dude that he had bought that had to do everything he said because it was his slave.
And then if you go back a little bit before that, you would wake up in the morning and your cow's milk would be sour, and you would go and say to your wife, I think there's a witch nearby.
And she'd be like, well, who?
Who do you think it is?
And you meant it.
And you'd find a woman, and you'd fucking...
Incinerator on a goddamn pyre.
That was just before slavery.
Now, somehow people think that right now we've got it all figured out and there's not something equally insane that we all consider to be a total normal facet of reality.
Like, all of a sudden, no.
All of society has totally got it figured out.
No!
We don't have it figured out.
The truth of the matter is, There is a hive mind.
People are leaders, and there are people who understand that in primate neurology, there is a way to tune in to that fucking frequency of attention and convince people that you're the president, the leader, the king, the queen, whatever the fuck it is you want to call it.
You can convince primates, if you spin the fucking spiral in front of them in the right way, you can convince them that you're their leader.
If you're an intelligent person, if you're an intelligent person and you're a respected person, you go on television and say the president should be respected no more than any other man.
And he's like, it clearly states somewhere, I don't know where it is, some old asshole who's dead as fuck wrote down on some piece of paper, the old glory must be on top.
I'm talking about this game of make-believe that we're being forced to play.
And it seems like the Tea Party represents the people who most want to hold on to this silly game of make-believe.
And it's like, you know, I love...
This country in the sense that I love the geography of the place I'm living in.
I love the cultures here and the people I've met.
And I really love a lot of the ways in our culture that free dialogue can spring up and all the amazing things.
But why are you forcing me to then take that love or a sense of belonging here and put it on a goddamn symbol?
Why are you making me put that on a fucking flag or on whatever the silly thing is that you're turning into an idol?
I don't want to do that anymore.
And as we get smarter, I think, as a species, that kind of stuff is becoming less and less palatable.
And because now when we're engaged in these ceremonies, most of us are thinking like, you know, the Pledge of Allegiance or whatever at a baseball game.
I don't even know they do that at a baseball game.
I'm not saying everyone, but I think there is a percentage of people in the audience who are doing it out of just a sense of like, oh, it's kind of quaint.
Well, no, because I believe in the system, and this president was elected, and because this president was elected, then I just have to go with what's happening, and then I trust my government.
Now, this is the silliest fucking place for your mind to get to when you really look back at the fact that this very same government was the same government that enforced segregation.
It was the same government that illegally went to war in Vietnam.
It was the same government that told us that there was weapons of mass destruction in Iraq when there were no weapons of mass destruction.
This very same government that you've pledged your allegiance to again and again and again and again and again and again and again throughout history has shown that it does not do the right thing.
The idea is that being a Christian, saying you're a patriot, saying you're trying to hold some higher ideal that you would really like other people to do as well.
And if they do do it, you're going to treat them better and everyone's going to have more energy together.
So this is like, they're trying.
It's like when people say, I'm a Christian.
I'm a Christian.
I'm a Christian too, even though a lot of them don't do anything Christian.
The first thing they want to do is fucking shoot the enemy.
Jesus has turned the other cheek.
The last thing you want to do is go and fucking say, I'm a Christian.
I'm here to fuck people up.
You can't say that, man.
It's like they're saying it because there is this urge to do that.
He's got his toga on or whatever the thing is he's wearing, and he's flying that fucking Enola gay to drop a nuclear weapon on a population of children and women and boyfriends and girlfriends and artists.
I worked on this horror movie, this low-budget horror movie, and they were all talking about Mr. Hands, but they were all calling it Mr. Hands.mpeg or whatever.
And then they were saying that there's a Mrs. Hands.
Really?
And they were all like, oh yeah, Mrs. Hands is even worse.
Oh my god, how could it be worse?
And they just described it where it was the woman's face was off the side of the thing, and the horse was just fucking coming, and suddenly it pulls out, and just floppy dick and cum and everything, and the girl at one point is going...
We had Dana DeArmond on once, who's a very cool chick, but she was talking about a relationship she was in once, where she had a relationship with a porn star, but they were only allowed to bang other people in movies.
And she caught them banging other people outside of the movies, and she was mad.
Because there's a bunch of people that want to get their fucking greedy little paws on things.
There's a bunch of different producers, a bunch of different executives, a bunch of different people, and they all have their own vision of how it should work.
This guy, Jason Momoa, is an unknown actor, fairly unknown at least, to carry such a gigantic franchise.
It's a $90 million fucking investment for the studio.
And all these assholes want to stick their dirty fingers in it.
There was a movie I did called Frank McCluskey CI. I've talked about it once before.
I did this movie and I watched this kid who was a really funny kid.
I should say his name.
It's Dave something.
Frank McCluskey CI. Let me look it up just to give this kid props.
He was a fucking really funny comedian, man.
He's like, I was watching him, Dave Sheridan.
I was watching him, like, his ad-libs.
I was watching the way he performed.
He was, like, really over the top, almost Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura-ish.
And there was a guy who was on the set who was an executive.
And I don't know what production company filmed it.
I was barely paying attention to any of that shit back then.
But this guy had a Rolex on and a super expensive suit with suspenders and cufflinks.
I mean, this was a fucking, this was a baller.
This was some guy who had made a bunch of big, big movies already and made a ton of money and was dressing on this movie set in a way that I'd really never seen anybody dress in a movie set.
To me, it was ridiculous.
And he was wearing this ridiculous, it was so obvious he had a ton of money.
This kid was doing his scene and the kid would do the scene and he would go, okay, okay, okay.
Instead of that, how about this?
How about you walk in, you step one foot on the floor, you throw your legs up and he made it himself.
He did his own little interpretation of what he thought would be awesome in the scene.
And I was like, God damn, here his ego wanna mock some completely uncreative fuckhead wearing cufflinks is telling this really funny kid what to do.
And I was watching it erode right before my eyes.
I was watching what was like a really funny script and a really zany, kind of silly actor.
I was like, oh, that's kind of fun.
I watched them poison it.
I watched them stick their dirty fingers in it.
And that's what Conan smelled like.
Conan smelled like.
Like, one guy thought we could do it right, and we could recreate Robert E. Howard's version of Conan, and we could have, you know, fucking monsters and sorcery and all kinds of crazy shit that he fights against.
We could do this.
This is going to be fucking wild.
And the studio's like, we're in.
We got Jason Momoa from the Game of Thrones.
Look at him.
He's six foot five.
He's a fucking male model.
He's built like Hercules.
This guy's Conan.
He is Conan.
I want you to meet him.
I am Conan.
He's fucking Conan!
They get all fired up, they do lines, and then they start rewriting the script.
The executives say, these guys don't know fucking movies like I know fucking movies!
I produce 25 fucking movies!
And they start getting their dirty little stinky jizz-covered paws all over that script, and they start fucking dropping coke rocks out of their fucking nose on keywords.
The thing we were talking about at the beginning, when people are used to free entertainment, they want it to stay free.
And a lot of people, when they watch NBC or ABC or CBS or any of these shows, they think they're getting free entertainment.
But they're not getting free entertainment.
They're paying with their attention on the advertisements, but more than that, they're paying in the form of getting diluted entertainment.
They're getting shit that's got...
that's that thing that you just described every show on a network has had almost every show has had that exact same thing applied to it in so many different ways because the executives want to sell antidepressants or they want to sell chevrolet's or whatever the fuck they're advertising on the show so and have you ever had this experience personally Where shit got diluted?
My one experience with a show that didn't get picked up by Comedy Central, weirdly, because I was prepared for this, I was like, they're going to, they're going to, Comedy Central will ruin my vision!
And the first round of notes that came back was awesome!
It was great notes, really smart, it was like, it made, the notes made sense, there wasn't any kind of weird, like, oh yes, wait, no, no, no, I did have it happen.
I did have it happen when I made some stuff for Fuel TV for this show called Stupid Face.
And my friend Brian Jarvis played a space captain and something had happened where he'd gotten sucked into a black hole and a flood had sucked my cabin into a black hole at the same time and now we fly through space in this cabin and we're just idiots and like, it's just the stupidest...
I wish we'd had a bigger budget, though, man, because it's such a funny idea.
If you ever had children, and you and your wife were getting divorced, she would bring that fucking video to a court and say, this is the kind of shit I gotta deal with.
Yeah, well, you know, man, the thing about that shit, man, is that, well, the thing I'm realizing is there's a fucking shitty network executive in everyone's life, or most people's lives.
It's like, that shit doesn't just stop at the networks.
Yeah, it's like the time when we were doing Stupid Face, the guy, here's the weird thing, the executive, like there are two guys who are these skateboarders named Ted and Laban who are the main producers and they're awesome, just crazy awesome brilliant guys.
Then above them was this guy that they had to pass everything through.
You know, this was good, but it would be better if we could make it more laughy.
Well, being a comic, I do a lot of other shit besides comedy.
I do the UFC and do other things.
So what I've managed to do is be a professional me.
I'm me, professionally.
And so I put me in certain situations.
I put me in a situation where There's some fights going on, I have to explain what's going on In a way that people are going to think it's entertaining And ingest that And then there's other me where I'm going on a stage In front of a bunch of people And I'm going to say things in a certain way That's going to make them laugh Or me and I'm talking on the internet On a podcast Or me and I'm Getting people to do something fucked up On Fear Factor I'm a professional me What's that?
Did you hear about this fucking shit about lifelike cells made of metal that they've figured out a way and they're theorizing now that there might be living things out there in the universe that evolve from metal?
Could you imagine if we fucking showed up on some planet somewhere and they really were like Maximus Prime?
They were like the Transformers.
The Transformers were real, man.
This should have released this.
If they released this just six months or six weeks, rather, before the Transformers movie came out and they could have this information along with their teasers, it could be a more exciting movie for me.
Because I'd be like, maybe it's not so preposterous that these big stupid fucking cars become people-saving robots.
Like, they give a fucking flying shit about people.
That, to me, it's like, why think about other planets?
You have the source of all life on this planet, the main energy source for all life on this planet, outside of things that are getting it from, like, steam vents at the bottom of the sea through Things that are living in thermal ducts or whatever.
And Max Kellerman, who is the HBO boxing analyst, my personal favorite boxing analyst, next to Jim Lampley, who's also, those two guys together are my two favorite boxing analysts.
You know, a lot of people think that because I do the commentary for the UFC that I don't like boxing.
I am a gigantic boxing fan.
I've been my whole life.
He's a fucking huge, huge boxing fan.
He bets ridiculous amounts of money on Pacquiao fights, on Floyd Mayweather fights.
But the bottom line is that we're going to go to Irvine and we're going to talk to Graham and see if we can make sure that this happens.
But Graham Hancock emailed me out of the blue.
It was one of the fucking coolest things in my life.
If you don't...
Well, the coolest thing so far of this whole thing...
How about this?
The coolest thing of my entire showbiz experience, right up there with my Spike TV special, which is my favorite special, is Anthony Bourdain doing the podcast.
But the next coolest thing, and maybe even cooler if it's possible, is this Graham Hancock interview.
Because if you don't know who Graham Hancock is, I want you to go and research fingerprints of the gods if you're so inclined, if you're interested in this.
But what a fascinating guy who's basically dedicated his whole life to the very controversial and unpopular idea that human beings have been around perhaps far longer in this advanced state of civilization that we currently enjoy than we give credit to.
And in fact, there's been some huge ups and huge downs throughout history.
And it's not simply one straight path from caveman to Wi-Fi.
And that along the way, there's been some disasters.
And that this can be clearly...
I wouldn't say that it can be proven, but what I can say is enough evidence can be brought forth that makes you completely question the current ideas of the timelines of human history.
And this guy, Graham Hancock, is responsible for his book Fingerprints of the Gods, completely changing the way I look at civilization.
The single largest pyramid by volume on Earth, and it was covered in jungle.
They didn't even know it existed.
Yes, not only that, but it has a, you know, when the Spanish came and when the Mayans were conquered, you know, in different parts of, you know, South America, you know.
No, not only that, not only are they not in it, it was completely covered.
I mean, I'm sure some local people were aware of its existence because, you know, when you, you know, you stand, you walk around on there and all of a sudden you're like, what is this?
Well, dig a little, oh, it's a giant fucking perfectly hewn rock that's four feet wide and two feet tall.
They just didn't know that this mountain, you know, they say that there's thousands of these that they haven't discovered, which is so mind-boggling until you look at the geography of South America.
Or Google Maps.
Yeah, Google Maps.
But if you take into account the size of North America, South America, look at Mexico, look at how much land you're talking about and how much of it is jungle.
You know, they have found, there was a documentary that I was watching on Egypt, or excuse me, on the Amazon, rather, where they were talking about all these different structures that they're finding in the jungles of civilization.
They have no idea how this civilization got there, don't know who they were, don't know what their origins were.
But they're looking at aqueducts, they're looking at roads, they're looking at all this shit that's just run over by the jungle.
And the reality is, man, if you have a fucking house and you put this giant stone house in the middle of the Amazon...
A hundred years from now, that motherfucker is going to be covered with trees.
It's an explorer who was searching for this famed lost city that existed in the middle of the Amazon.
It might be that pyramid that they found.
He was looking for it based on some old scrolls in this library that he found.
And he was like a theosophist because the theosophists were really into this idea that there still existed advanced civilizations on this planet that had closed themselves off to the rest of human society.
And he thought he would find a place where people were still living there.
But he went down into the Amazon and just basically vanished.
But he thought that there would actually be people living there who would give him...
It was a mystical quest for him.
He really thought that there was going to be this advanced civilization still in existence that was somehow going to transmit this information to him, which some people still believe.
There's the hollow earth theory, the idea that Shambhala exists in the Arctic.
Kind of, but yet there was also like, alright, the husband almost got mugged and his car got stolen and then the next morning his wife is walking and found a baby in a bush and then his secretary...
Well, I mean, if you can accept it, it's just like...
Me and my friend were just talking about this Sartre, this French existentialist philosopher, and how the existentialists basically have this idea where it's like, yeah, you can fucking enjoy reality and get caught up in being an enthusiast or whatever, but the depths of it, it's just pure absurdity.
There's no meaning behind it.
There's no meaning to life.
It's like just this empty...
It's a meaningless vortex.
So like, you know, for example, like when you see your dog dry hump another dog, you know, you see the dog dry hump and you kind of watch it.
It's kind of funny, but it's like you're watching an instinctual trigger, you know, go through the thing and it just acts this thing out.
And then when you find yourself humping somebody that you just met and you realize you're going through the same instinctual trigger and you're like, ah, fuck!
And she turned her shoulder into it and threw her fucking weight into it, and she went two knuckles for it.
I go, who the fuck taught you how to punch like that?
You know, like her dad taught her how to punch people and shit, but I was like, man, if that chick punches you in the face, she will knock you the fuck out.
We just got to hope that the human doesn't get hit on the jawbone and it doesn't compress all those nerves that send the signals down to all the limbs.
It could be all sparkly fairy dust that comes out when you cut my throat.
I'm just guessing.
But the idea that I've had to explain to me is that the nerves, when you punch a person on the jaw, that their jawbone slams into the cluster of nerves behind them, and it just causes this big electrical short circuit, depending on a bunch of different things, depending and it just causes this big electrical short circuit, depending on a bunch of different things, depending on your determination, depending on your anger, your adrenaline level, your focus, Whether or not you've been punched before, you know how to react to it or how to stay calm under pressure.
And depending on the physiological design of your actual frame, different body structures can take a different load of impact.
Like large jaws and big David Tua-looking faces.
There was a guy named David Tua who still is a very dangerous heavyweight boxer.
He's just a Samoan dude, Tonga dude, whatever the fuck he is.
He's anyways, whatever he is.
I believe he's Samoan.
He's a badass boxer.
And one of the things about him is this motherfucker can take a punch, man.
You can hit David Tua with a bomb.
He fought Lennox Lewis, and Lennox Lewis connected with straight right hands that just would have put normal men on the moon and just boom, hit him.
Hits him, and he can take it.
He just doesn't go out.
He's got an incredible jaw on top of big, big punching power.
So there's that.
There's the shape of your frame, the shape of your body, the thickness of your tendons and cords, and then there's just the fucking design flaw.
The jaw goes to the cluster of nerves, and depending on your sensitivity, some people just shut right off.
There's some dudes that they just have a glass jaw, man, and all you have to do is get to their jaw, and What?
I think that's really cool to watch and I fucking love it.
But I just think that when you get into a situation where you have a bungee cord hanging out of your mouth and you're lifting weights with your jaw, it's embarrassing.
It's like that moment in time, if I was doing that, if I'm like, gotta get my fucking jaw straight!
I'd be like, dude, why don't you fucking pick up a history book?
By the way, if you see a kid playing with dolls and you go up to the kid and you're like, you know those dolls aren't real and what you're doing is totally meaningless, you're kind of an asshole.
The kid's lucky it's getting to play with dolls.
The kid's fucking lucky that the kid can get fixated on dolls.
lucky but i so in the same way when adults are doing the identical thing and taking on these uh silly identities and strengthening their jaws and they're absorbed and their attention is focused onto whatever the fucking thing is whether if it's leonard skinner's drunken night of line dancing or somebody punching his fist through a fucking wall or someone climbing a mountain or whatever if that's grabbing your attention lucky you don't stop it Yeah.
But once that shit stops distracting you, if you continue on that path and pretend that it still is distracting you from the void, that's where shit gets weird.
Maybe you get to a certain point where you realize, what difference does it make?
What difference does it make what my understanding of the situation is?
What difference does it make my acceptance of the void if I am but a temporary creature?
And should I not just enjoy this time and spread as much positive energy as possible and contribute my part in a true and clear understanding that I cannot fix all this?
But that is my obligation to enjoy this moment and to have as much positive feeling as possible.
Spread as much positive feeling as possible.
That is my instinct.
That is my drive.
When I'm in the isolation tank and I'm alone and when I'm at my most happiest, when I'm thinking about things, you know what I think?
I think I have a rare opportunity to spread as much positive energy as possible.
And I think that is what is most important.
That is my instinctual pull.
That's what's pulling me.
What's pulling me is I feel like I've got this weird, crazy opportunity.
We have this weird, crazy opportunity.
Right now, there's at least a half a million people listening to this.
Over the course of iTunes and Stitcher and Ustream...
It's more than that.
It's going to be even more than that over the course of a couple of years.
Because this shit is going to spread and spread and spread and some of these ideas are going to resonate with people because you are Ahead of a lot of other people in this weird game of thinking there's people out there that right now are listening to this podcast They are 19 years old and they've never considered any of the ideas that Duncan Trussell is presenting to them and the idea that you know that That it's human civilization and ideas and all these things could be literally alien life forms trying to manifest themselves in a conscious way on this plane and that's how they interact with people and
There's a lot of people right now, 17, 16, 15, sitting with their friends, getting their fucking mind blown by you, dude.
And you don't think about it because you're just being you, but that impact is serious and legitimate.
Yeah, man, but to get back to that idea that we were just talking about, when you find yourself successfully getting fixated on shit, like successfully getting into something, the last thing you should do is stop it.
It's kind of sad when you see people who really enjoy something and out of some sense of guilt, they're trying to stop themselves from doing it, but like...
Like, addicts, they keep doing stuff even though they're clearly aware that it's not satiating them anymore.
I have an addictive personality, so I know exactly what it's like to have the focus of my mind sucked away by something for me to consciously think, I don't want to do this anymore.
This is a direct, this conversation, this idea is directly connected to what we were talking about earlier, about hijacking the reward system, about something that is artificial, and artificial in its power, in its potency, the idea of...
It's a fucking oxycontin pill.
That shit is artificial.
Something's not supposed to impact you that strong.
A fucking avatar.
Avatar in 3D. If you were a caveman, your DNA is basically the same DNA as people that lived 10,000 years ago drawing fucking stupid buffaloes on the cave walls while we're living by the light of a fire.
It's impossible to wrap your fucking head around the kind of impact that's having on the organism.
So because of that, because we know each other so well, and we know we're both looking out, we're all three looking out for each other, we can say anything.
But what we're doing is we're saying anything, and somehow or another...
Way more people than we're ever going to meet ever in our fucking life are listening all at once.
And that's where things get, you know, when we sit and we contemplate, like, you know, what is consciousness?
What is reality?
What are ideas?
What is imagination?
Where does it go?
Why is it going?
Why is it going through you?
Why is it going through me?
Why are we so looking forward to going to New Orleans where this weekend you and I are going to go to the House of Blues, a sold-out show, and we're going to perform for...
We don't know those people...
I'll probably know 10 people in the audience.
There'll be a bunch of people from the UFC that'll ask for tickets.
I'll hook them up.
There'll be 20, 30 people, and it's you and me, and we're going to have the greatest fucking time ever.
If you want to get in touch with Duncan, you can follow him on Twitter, and now he's obligated to respond to all of your messages because he told you that all you had to do was call him about the fucking expensive podcast.
unidentified
It searches video with Tim and Eric.
I don't think we've ever talked about it on this podcast.
It's something I did with Tim and Eric for HBO's Funny or Die.
Is that it?
No.
It's something I did for Tim and Eric for HBO's Funny or Die, and it's like basically a takeoff on those skateboarding videos, but it's about we play these idiots, like idiots who learn to body surf, but mainly it's just about us all fucking this one dude on the beach.
It's so crazy!
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It's one of the best things I have seen in a while.
There's two rooms at the Ice House in Pasadena, which is one of my favorite clubs in the country.
It's been around for about 30 plus years.
I think 35 years.
It's not just a comedy club.
It's a goddamn museum.
It's like the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa.
It's one of those clubs that's been around forever.
And it's got all this like a really amazing history in the walls and it's a really cool fucking club And there's a there's two rooms.
There's the big showroom.
I say big, you know in quotes.
It's 185 seats It's very small.
It's very intimate, but then there's this other room.
It's like 85 seats and You know Brian and I you know at all come you've you've talked about it We've talked about it before about like what's the perfect size of a comedy club?
I don't know This weekend we're going to do somewhere around 700 people at the House of Blues, which is like a medium.
And then there's the really small places where it's like the Ice House, which is like 85 people.
And then there's October 7th in Houston with Brendan Walsh and me and Joey Diaz.
We're going to do the Horizon Wireless Theater, which is like thousands of fucking people.
September 23rd, Joe Diaz, Ari Shafir, and I are at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado.
Tickets are still available.
They're going quick.
There's not much left.
If you're interested in brain pills, go to onnit.com.
If you want to see one of the most interesting and fascinating stand-up comics in the country, and one of my best friends, go see Duncan Trussell at the Laughing Skull in Atlanta, Georgia.