April 26, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
39:37
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| There's a whole network of them. | ||
| I've done Doug Benson's and Duncan Trussell's and Duncan will be on the show tomorrow at 3 o'clock. | ||
| You know, and I did Marc Marins, and I'm going to do Eddie F and Jim Jeffries. | ||
| It's like doing all these podcasts, it's like, you know, it's like there's this cool network of radio stations that's happening organically, you know, instead of like Bubba the Love Sponge and, you know, the Pharrell Show all being, you know, stuffed into one thing by a corporation, like everybody's kind of found themselves and become like this network sort of organically. | ||
| You know, it's cool, you know, like, Fans of one will hear about the other, you know, like Duncan Trussell got some fans when, you know, he came and did this podcast and I came and did his and, you know, we, you know, share each other's listeners and stuff. | ||
| It's really a fucking, a very unique thing, you know, this podcast thing. | ||
| And as we said, it probably wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Adam, you know, him and also Anthony Cumia from Opie and Anthony. | ||
| Because Anthony was doing that live from the compound thing. | ||
| And Tom Green. | ||
| And Tom Green, yeah, absolutely. | ||
| Can't forget Tom Green. | ||
| Yeah, Tom Green doing his show on TomGreen.com, which I don't think he does anymore. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not really sure what he does anymore. | ||
| I think he went to some kind of subscription-based thing, so I kind of, I don't know. | ||
| Did you hear, completely getting off subject, did you hear what happened in Afghanistan? | ||
| What? | ||
| The Taliban escaping out of the prison? | ||
| No, what happened? | ||
| Dude, some guy tweeted me this thing, and the guy who tweeted it was really funny. | ||
| He said, what was his exact quote? | ||
| I don't want to fuck up this guy's quote because it was such a funny situation. | ||
| They dug, 450 Taliban fighters escaped out of, here's what he wrote. | ||
| He wrote, 450 plus prisoners break out of jail by digging a hole in the ground, an homage to Bugs Bunny and raising Arizona. | ||
| The guy's name is Gary with two R's, whoever. | ||
| So I retweeted it and then I read the link and it is pretty fucking fascinating. | ||
| These guys dug a hole in the ground like a fucking movie and went under the prison and got all the guys out of prison. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Did they catch them? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| I mean, not yet. | ||
| But the whole thing in Afghanistan is... | ||
| I mean, who's the fucking bad guy over there? | ||
| They didn't escape. | ||
| They were all murdered. | ||
| These fucking guys are running around with sandals on in the mountains. | ||
| And, you know, we got drones flying overhead, taking pictures of them, shooting missiles and... | ||
| Hundreds of thousands, who knows how many thousands of fucking soldiers over there. | ||
| Who's the bad guy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It gets a little fucking blurry. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They're evil terrorists and they're attacking the Americans. | ||
| What are we doing over there? | ||
| You think you can just come into someone's neighborhood and they don't fucking shoot at you? | ||
| You can't just take over. | ||
| You know, when you take over, people fight back. | ||
| And when they fight back, well, who's the fucking bad guy? | ||
| Is it some kid who was born in Afghanistan and this is all he knows? | ||
| And this is the neighborhood he grew up in? | ||
| And all of a sudden he sees these fucking helicopters fly overhead and tanks rolling around the ground? | ||
| What would you think? | ||
| You think you're being invaded? | ||
| Who's the bad guy? | ||
| It's very, very tricky, man. | ||
| I mean, I obviously never would want anything bad to happen to any of our troops overseas. | ||
| But I also don't want them to do anything bad to all these fucking people either. | ||
| The whole thing's a clusterfuck. | ||
| Who knows how many people have become terrorists because of all the shit that we've done overseas? | ||
| Who knows how many people lost family members? | ||
| Who knows how many people who would have been sort of a moderate person who really wouldn't get into this kind of stuff got drawn into it because of tragedy, got drawn into it because of either someone they know or they get to watch video footage. | ||
| When you're dealing with shit like what's going on in Iraq, there's like a million dead people over there. | ||
| Over the course of the nine years of this war, whatever it's been, a million people have died. | ||
| That's an insane number of people. | ||
| I mean, if you stacked a million bodies up in the middle of Washington State Park and had everybody look, here's everyone that's died in Iraq. | ||
| Maybe then it would sink in. | ||
| Maybe then people would really kind of realize how crazy war is. | ||
| In fact, this is really how we have to do things in 2011. You know what's crazy is that I didn't know about that. | ||
| It would seem that that's something I should know about. | ||
| You didn't know a million people died in Iraq? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| About this news story you did. | ||
| But the other day I'm eating and it's like, we have breaking news here and now we're going to go live downtown Los Angeles. | ||
| Lindsay Lohan is going to jail. | ||
| Let's interview the sheriff and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And then it was like, wow, this is crazy. | ||
| They spent like five minutes on it. | ||
| And then they go, all right, now for another top news story today. | ||
| The wedding of the century. | ||
| And it's those people that are getting married in the UK, the prince or whatever. | ||
| Have you heard about this shit? | ||
| I very peripherally saw things about it. | ||
| Every single news channel here in the United States, and why do I care about some prince getting married? | ||
| Why is this on the news? | ||
| People love that shit, because people love gossip. | ||
| The news has become like People magazine. | ||
| I mean, when you're talking about two wars going on, plus Libya, plus actions in Pakistan with drones, there's a lot of crazy shit going on every fucking day of the week. | ||
| A lot of it. | ||
| If you're hearing anything at all about Lindsay Lohan, and she hasn't killed 50 people, I know. | ||
| There's something wrong. | ||
| I know more about Lindsay Lohan than I do about fucking... | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| Do you think that that is because the networks are trying to make the easiest to digest sort of program after people are tired from work and just give the dummies what they want? | ||
| Is it because the dummies want this or it's because that's the only thing that's on the air? | ||
| Do they have a mentality that people are dumb and in pushing all this Lindsay Lohan shit? | ||
| Look, here's the thing, man. | ||
| I can get into it, too. | ||
| I understand it. | ||
| I mean, I don't judge people. | ||
| Mrs. Rogan likes the gossip magazine sometimes. | ||
| She likes reading about things every now and then. | ||
| And I make fun of it. | ||
| I make fun of it. | ||
| But if I'm taking a shit, I'll start reading it. | ||
| And I'll start reading it. | ||
| Damn, he just left her like that? | ||
| And what is she doing? | ||
| Oh man, she's fucking that guy now? | ||
| Whoa, this is crazy. | ||
| And now she's got a baby, I bet he's mad. | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| We have instincts to gossip and we have instincts to follow silly fucking stories in the news, whether it's about the princess or especially when it's royalty. | ||
| That's when it's so squirrely. | ||
| It's like that prince, that guy doesn't do shit. | ||
| He doesn't do shit. | ||
| He's a prince. | ||
| I mean, he hasn't done anything. | ||
| He hasn't been elected. | ||
| He hasn't written some awesome books that everybody loves. | ||
| This guy's only famous because he's a prince. | ||
| I mean, that's just fucking completely insane. | ||
| When you get into royalty, it's the ultimate form of celebrity. | ||
| You know, an entitled celebrity for no reason. | ||
| At least Kim Kardashian sucks some dicks. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| At least he can masturbate to that. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, everybody talks about how Kim Kardashian's become famous over nothing. | ||
| Sort of, but no. | ||
| No. | ||
| She became famous because she let that black guy fuck the shit out of her on camera. | ||
| Yeah, but she's now making millions and millions and millions of dollars, and then you have these girls working like Jenna Hayes that's not making millions and millions and millions of dollars, and she pretty much does the same shit, but even better. | ||
| She did it once. | ||
| She did it once, and it was her boyfriend, and then it quote-unquote got out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right. | |
| Now her family is making $17 million a month. | ||
| Who knows how much. | ||
| It's a lot of money. | ||
| They're making a lot of money. | ||
| She's everywhere. | ||
| But who knows who the fuck put that video out. | ||
| She did. | ||
| Maybe she did. | ||
| Maybe she did. | ||
| Maybe he did. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Maybe someone else got a hold of it. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| But the point is, even if we knew that you put it out on purpose, it's okay still. | ||
| It's like people guess. | ||
| As long as you say that you didn't put it on purpose, you get a pass. | ||
| But if you do put it on purpose, if you make a porno video on purpose, you fuck on camera on purpose, you don't get in. | ||
| Isn't that strange? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, E's not going to give you a fucking TV show. | ||
| You're not going to get nothing. | ||
| Unless it's a TV show on porn and it makes you want to cry. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, but keeping up with the Kardashians doesn't make you want to cry, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You watch, like, one of those inside pieces on Belladonna. | ||
| Did you ever watch that show? | ||
| Where they broke her down? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| That shit made you want to cry, right? | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm glad she's retired now. | ||
| Hopefully she's happy. | ||
| Maybe she's happier when she's taking baseball bats in the ass. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Look, it takes all kinds of people, dude, to make this world go around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it is a weird thing, though, that you're allowed to do it as long as you at least claim that you did it on accident, that it got released on accident. | ||
| But if we suspect that you put it out on purpose, you actually made your own sex video and released it? | ||
| I think it's pretty easy to get a video out nowadays because I've been realizing how many recordings now I've made of myself that I just accidentally tweet. | ||
| The other day, I accidentally tweeted something that I thought was a direct message out to everybody. | ||
| And then I was like, wow, that's close. | ||
| I caught it right away. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| A video. | ||
| I love you, baby. | ||
| A video. | ||
| It was a video? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Some sexy time video? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was a video of... | ||
| But it could have been sexy time. | ||
| It was a cheesy video. | ||
| Like a cheesy, like, oh, let's make a video together. | ||
| Oh, cute. | ||
| And then I accidentally put it out. | ||
| You know, like I was trying... | ||
| So did you delete it? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Yeah, I deleted it right away. | ||
| There was only one person supposedly that commented on it, but like 170 people saw it. | ||
| And I'm like, fuck! | ||
| If there's just one person in there that grabbed that video, that would have been awful. | ||
| How embarrassing is the video? | ||
| It's not that embarrassing. | ||
| It's just gay. | ||
| It's just like gross gay. | ||
| Even the way you said it's not that, you lisp when you say it's not that embarrassing. | ||
| It's not that embarrassing. | ||
| You like submitted to yourself. | ||
| You crawled inside yourself. | ||
| It creeped me out when I realized I did it. | ||
| Well, give us the Cliff Notes version of what's on the video. | ||
| Do you want to play it? | ||
| I don't have it on me. | ||
| I deleted it. | ||
| I could get it off everything I could. | ||
| Is that embarrassing? | ||
| Well, give me the Cliff Notes. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| It was like, I'm laying in bed at 7 in the morning, and my girlfriend's laying on top of me going, wake up, wake up. | ||
| I'm like, no, don't. | ||
| I love you, girl. | ||
| You know, shit like that. | ||
| I love you, girl. | ||
| I don't know exactly how it was. | ||
| Do you talk to her and pretend you're in a movie? | ||
| I love you, baby. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| If you don't know how to deal with chicks, maybe that's the best way to do it. | ||
| Just pretend you're in a Tom Cruise movie. | ||
| We did another Blackout podcast. | ||
| We started drinking at midnight. | ||
| We drank a whole bottle of vodka and two huge glasses of grape vodka. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| And an hour. | ||
| It's me and Veronica Ritchie. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| But what's so hilarious, it starts off... | ||
| This Veronica Ritchie girl is a penthouse person. | ||
| Yeah, but the beginning of it was a really awkward conversation because she's super shy. | ||
| She's what? | ||
| Super shy. | ||
| Super shy. | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| Her whole family's really shy people. | ||
| They're all just fucking each other, right? | ||
| Is that what's going on? | ||
| I asked that. | ||
| That's how drunk I became. | ||
| And then there was one point where she went to stand up and she fell and did like a back So wait a minute, you've known this chick for a while, man, and that's the only time you've ever talked to her about molestation? | ||
| You did it on a podcast? | ||
| Yeah, it was pretty great. | ||
| Did she respond? | ||
| You should listen to it. | ||
| No, I don't have that kind of time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just give me, what happens? | |
| I don't know, I don't remember. | ||
| I blacked out. | ||
| You don't remember whether or not she said she'd been molested? | ||
| Dude, please. | ||
| You remember. | ||
| I blacked out. | ||
| Did you say she's been molested? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I blacked out. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| You're the worst actor ever. | ||
| No, I'm being serious. | ||
| You get fired from a soap opera. | ||
| I swear to God, I haven't re-listened to it. | ||
| Because I don't re-listen to my shit. | ||
| I don't sit around and listen to my fucking self again. | ||
| Do they cancel all the soap operas, man? | ||
| They canceled two big ones the other day. | ||
| They canceled the hospital one last year. | ||
| See, why do I know about this? | ||
| Soap operas might as well be opera. | ||
| It's awful. | ||
| It might as well be opera. | ||
| You're doing something that's old and stupid. | ||
| And the idea that you're going to have this crazy running drama every day and what's going to happen and she comes home and finds him with her and every day there's drama and crazy music and What a weird way to live, man. | ||
| Fucking Stone Joe. | ||
| Hell yeah you are, kid. | ||
| We did two volcanoes. | ||
| You got back in. | ||
| You dove right back in, son. | ||
| Look, we dove in just an hour ago and you dove right back in. | ||
| Have you ever tried one of the fake volcanoes that's like a copy of it, like a generic copy of the volcano? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| It's called like The Wave or something. | ||
| I forget what it's called, but I just wondered if you... | ||
| Because it's only $90 compared to whatever the volcano is, like $400. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I wouldn't go budget on vaporizers. | ||
| No? | ||
| Yeah, it seems like complicated, man. | ||
| It seems like there's a lot of shit going on there and electricity and it's heat. | ||
| And anytime there's heat, I say you got to get the best thing because you don't want things burning through the fucking cord and blowing up in your house or whatever some cheap piece of shit would do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just get the stuff that's going to work. | ||
| That volcano thing... | ||
| What we're talking about is a vaporizer. | ||
| And what vaporizing is, ladies and gentlemen, is for the health-conscious amongst us, the stoners that don't want any of those bad, nasty bits that you take in from burning smoke, which apparently is not nearly as bad for you as tobacco smoke, but it's got to be somewhat bad for you. | ||
| It's just smoke. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| It has some health benefits. | ||
| It's an expectorant, and apparently it's very good for people when they have asthma. | ||
| People who have asthma, at least some of them, have reported that they have a benefit from smoking the pot. | ||
| But what the vaporizer does is, it cuts out all the health problems. | ||
| It heats it up, but doesn't burn it. | ||
| And it blows air through it, and it releases this THC mist. | ||
| And that is collected... | ||
| In one of these. | ||
| And what this is, you hear it, iTunes folks, it's a plastic bag. | ||
| At the end of it, it has this little nozzle. | ||
| And you just suck out the pure THC. And if you suck out enough, you can see aliens. | ||
| And by the way, the Volcano, I've tried every single kind of vaporizer known to man, and the Volcano is the only one that I recommend. | ||
| If you're going to get one, get the Volcano, because that shit works. | ||
| Where the other ones, you're trying to adjust the temperature right, and sometimes it feels like you're not getting anything, then other times it's like you've got too much dark smoke for some reason. | ||
| All that shit is just too ridiculous. | ||
| The Volcano does it. | ||
| Yeah, it just figures out how to do it. | ||
| But I see how people don't want to pay that much money to get high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I was on Craigslist looking and there was a lot of those generic ones on there. | ||
| You know, the only reason why all this shit costs so much is because it's illegal. | ||
| It's the only reason. | ||
| The only reason everything costs so much is because it's illegal. | ||
| Marijuana should be cheap as fuck. | ||
| It's a plant. | ||
| It's easy to grow. | ||
| It's a goddamn weed. | ||
| It doesn't even get sick. | ||
| It doesn't rot. | ||
| You know, you ever look at some trees and there's all these bugs fucking them up? | ||
| Bugs don't fuck up, reefer. | ||
| Step back, bitch! | ||
| You don't even have a chance. | ||
| Bugs don't have a chance. | ||
| Reefer doesn't need pesticides. | ||
| People always say, what happened if they put pesticides in your weed, man? | ||
| You can get DDT poisoning, bro. | ||
| That's what's wrong with weed. | ||
| No, you don't need it. | ||
| It doesn't need pesticides. | ||
| It doesn't get sick. | ||
| It's not like all these pussy-ass plants. | ||
| It's one of the toughest plants that's ever existed. | ||
| It's the best fiber. | ||
| The fiber that you make out of hemp, like when you make hemp jeans or clothes or... | ||
| It's like so much more sturdy than cotton. | ||
| And the paper, like hemp paper, is so superior to cotton. | ||
| It all became illegal. | ||
| Most people don't even know this, but it became illegal back when they figured out a more effective way to process the hemp fiber. | ||
| It was legal forever, but it became like something that people stopped using because cotton became so much more easy to process. | ||
| They came up with the cotton gin. | ||
| And instead of just having slaves pick the cotton, which was a huge pain in the ass, then they could run it through this fucking machine and it made it way easier. | ||
| And so people were like, fuck this hemp. | ||
| Because hemp fiber is like really tough stuff. | ||
| And you got to break it down. | ||
| Have you ever watched like manual breaking down of hemp fiber? | ||
| It's a laborious process, man. | ||
| Because the fucking stalk of this plant... | ||
| This is like an animal... | ||
| Or an alien plant, rather. | ||
| It's an incredible plant. | ||
| The fiber is super fucking tough and strong. | ||
| You make the best rope out of it. | ||
| The best cloth out of it. | ||
| It's so superior. | ||
| But it takes a long time to turn that fiber into cloth or paper. | ||
| It's really difficult to break down. | ||
| And then, in the early 1930s... | ||
| A guy came out with a machine called a decorticator. | ||
| And what the decorticator did... | ||
| Was allow them to process it just like the cotton gin processes cotton, allows it to smash it down into this pulp and make it much more usable, like almost immediately. | ||
| And then that's when they said, fuck this. | ||
| And that's when pot became illegal. | ||
| Pot became illegal entirely because of hemp, which has nothing to do with the psychoactive properties. | ||
| It became illegal because of William Randolph Hearst, who was running newspapers, and he also had paper mills, and they were going to make people start using hemp paper. | ||
| That was going to be the shit because you could take a forest full of trees and you chop them down. | ||
| Well, you're fucked because you don't have any more trees. | ||
| It takes a long-ass time for those trees to grow back. | ||
| But hemp? | ||
| You grow it every four months. | ||
| You'd have a new fucking crop. | ||
| I mean, you could use the same property over and over and over again. | ||
| It's renewable. | ||
| You get much more paper. | ||
| So this motherfucker was going to have to spend millions of dollars. | ||
| So them and DuPont, William Randolph Hearst and DuPont, they got together and they said, hey, we'll fucking say that pot makes blacks and Mexicans rape white chicks. | ||
| And that's all they did. | ||
| That's what they did. | ||
| That's literally what they did. | ||
| They started printing stories, William Randolph Hearst did in the paper, of this new drug called marijuana. | ||
| And what marijuana was had nothing even to do with pot. | ||
| The original name for marijuana was a slang for a wild Mexican tobacco. | ||
| So they call it marijuana and then say blacks and Mexicans are smoking marijuana. | ||
| So when Congress made hemp illegal, when they made marijuana illegal, they didn't even know they were making hemp illegal as well. | ||
| They fucked everybody. | ||
| And they did it in 19-fucking-30-something. | ||
| It's amazing that that shit is still going on. | ||
| It's still illegal in the age of the internet, where all the information is at your disposal. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| You can Google search every fucking study ever done on pot, and you can see right away that most people want it legal. | ||
| Who's stopping it? | ||
| Oh, people with money. | ||
| Why are they stopping it? | ||
| Well, because they're making money on marijuana being illegal. | ||
| And they're using that money, they're bribbing politicians, and that's how they keep it in place. | ||
| Fuck, really? | ||
| In 2011, you can be that open, it's that open, where you can see so clearly? | ||
| It's so sick, man. | ||
| It's sick. | ||
| It's sick that we live like this. | ||
| It's sick that you can put people in jail for wanting to smoke a joint and kick back and listen to some good music and Eat some food and have some great conversation with friends and not hurt anybody. | ||
| And yet cops can come and lock you up in a fucking cage for that. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| We know what drugs are bad, folks. | ||
| We know. | ||
| We have to stop letting people tell you that the drugs that are good are bad because they're fucking wrong. | ||
| There's ones that are bad. | ||
| Don't do meth. | ||
| Don't do heroin. | ||
| Or if you do, you gotta be a musician or something. | ||
| Heroin seems to be okay for musicians. | ||
| It kills you, though. | ||
| Did you see that guy... | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Batista? | ||
| The Strikeforce guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you see his thing on TMZ the other day? | ||
| No. | ||
| He was talking about how his deal got cut from the merger with the UFC and the Strikeforce and stuff like that. | ||
| Do you think that's something... | ||
| Do you know anything about this guy? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know anything more than I saw. | ||
| There was a headline on MMA.tv or MixedMartialArts.com. | ||
| I saw that, but I didn't read it. | ||
| It's not interesting to me. | ||
| Not interesting? | ||
| No, not really. | ||
| I mean, he seems like a nice guy. | ||
| I wish him well. | ||
| But I'm interested in young guys that are coming up. | ||
| I mean, occasionally a guy like Lesnar, you know, but Lesnar was like a serious wrestler, you know? | ||
| Like a serious amateur wrestler. | ||
| That's what made him exciting. | ||
| It wasn't just that he was a big guy. | ||
| Is this guy not a... | ||
| I don't believe so. | ||
| I don't know, though. | ||
| I really don't know his background. | ||
| But I feel like I would have heard about him. | ||
| The way I heard about Lesnar, when Lesnar was a wrestler, back when he was doing pro wrestling, I had heard about what a freak he was. | ||
| People were talking about what a crazy specimen this guy was. | ||
| Dude, there's a fucking video of him We've talked about it on the podcast before, but it's worth repeating. | ||
| It's so ridiculous. | ||
| He was 300 pounds, solid muscle, right? | ||
| He gets on top of the fucking turnbuckle or whatever the hell it is, stands on the ropes, and flips through the air and lands on his head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lands on his fucking head. | ||
| He flew through the air and landed on his head, and he was still conscious. | ||
| And he climbed on top of the guy and still got the pin. | ||
| And you watch it, if you watch it, you watch him do that, and you go, that's supposed to kill people. | ||
| How did that not kill him? | ||
| Like, who is this guy? | ||
| How the fuck did that guy survive that? | ||
| It's supposed to snap your neck and break every fucking bone in your spinal column. | ||
| It's supposed to be just chaos for you after that. | ||
| Meanwhile, he finishes the match. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| So he was already this guy where people were like, this Brock Lesnar guy, man. | ||
| You ain't never seen a heavyweight move like that guy. | ||
| You know, we had heard about his fucking times and that was like one of the things they talked about during his wrestling days was his times in the NFL Combine. | ||
| You know, the NFL Combine is, you know, it's like, I actually can pull up the numbers because it's so ridiculous. | ||
| It's worth reading. | ||
| But the NFL combine is when they take athletes and they, you know, they run them through these tests like the 40 yard and you know, see how fat Let me find it real quick here I was gonna say something I am completely stoned now Brock and Shane, here it is Yeah, let me read this to you right here This is his crazy fucking numbers The 40-yard sprint. | ||
| 4.6 seconds. | ||
| He's 290-something pounds, okay? | ||
| 4.6 seconds. | ||
| That's like eight times faster than you can do. | ||
| I mean, stop and think about that. | ||
| 40 yards, 4.6 seconds. | ||
| That's a fast 40. 225-pound bench press, 43 repetitions. | ||
| 43 of 225. What the fuck? | ||
| His vertical jump, 35 inches. | ||
| His broad jump, 10 feet. | ||
| He hurls 300 pounds, 10 feet through the fucking air. | ||
| That's ridiculous shit, dude. | ||
| That's a freak. | ||
| So we had heard about that shit when he was around. | ||
| We'd heard about that long ago. | ||
| And so when I heard that he was going to go into MMA, I was like, holy... | ||
| I was there for his first fight. | ||
| I saw his first fight live. | ||
| It was at LA at the Coliseum. | ||
| It was for K-1. | ||
| Took this fucking dude down and just smashed him. | ||
| And I remember looking at that going, who's going to fuck with that? | ||
| Like, that's a dangerous motherfucker. | ||
| Some freaky guy who can get on top of you and just punch your brains in. | ||
| And try stomping it. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Of course, you know, Cain Velasquez eventually did stop it, but he was another freak specimen. | ||
| Yeah, when's the rematch for that? | ||
| Well, it's not going to happen unless Brock gets by Junior Dos Santos. | ||
| That's going to be in June. | ||
| Junior Dos Santos and him are coaching the season of The Ultimate Fighter, and then they're going to meet up in June. | ||
| How's Brock's training right now? | ||
| Have you heard anything about it? | ||
| I haven't heard anything other than he's back with Greg Nelson, who is the guy who... | ||
| He runs Minnesota Mixed Martial Arts, and he's awesome. | ||
| I'm a big fan of that guy. | ||
| I'm a big fan of his coaching, and he does great work. | ||
| He formulates good game plans. | ||
| He's a real student of the game, and his fighters are always well-trained. | ||
| All of his guys, very smart and well-trained. | ||
| He's handled Shirk, and he's got a couple of the young guys coming up, like... | ||
| What the fuck's his name? | ||
| The guy that just won a decision. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| I hate that. | ||
| They opened up a Gracie jiu-jitsu thing. | ||
| Oh, the carny. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| They opened up a Gracie jiu-jitsu in Burbank right down the street from me. | ||
| Did they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you going to join? | ||
| No. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I took a photo of it. | ||
| That's pretty cool. | ||
| Get in there, dude. | ||
| Get in there. | ||
| Take a woman's class. | ||
| Take spin class. | ||
| Got a Gracie spin. | ||
| Have you been a Gracie spin yet? | ||
| Take the women's class, dude. | ||
| Step aerobics. | ||
| They have ribbons. | ||
| Remember those ribbons with the sticks? | ||
| Get in shape, girl. | ||
| Used to do that. | ||
| Used to tell me all the time. | ||
| Used to do get in shape, girl. | ||
| By the way, have you seen that guy? | ||
| Did you ever watch that guy's animation that he did for Bert Kreischer's Staples video? | ||
| No. | ||
| Or Barnes& Noble, when he used to work out in the basement of that bookstore. | ||
| Somebody put it to animation. | ||
| The same guy that did the first one. | ||
| It's fucking brilliant. | ||
| You gotta watch it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy's great. | ||
| What's it about? | ||
| Fuck my lesson to you, man. | ||
| Are you going to do women's classes? | ||
| Why don't you put a pink kimono on and just look like a dyke? | ||
| Shave your face. | ||
| That's what I'm going to do. | ||
| Just go and say you're a dyke. | ||
| That's what I'm going to do. | ||
| Do they allow transgender in women's classes? | ||
| Like if you were a man and you decided to become a woman, do they allow you to take women's classes? | ||
| Well, you're allowed to when you get post-op or whatever, even if you're not fully, you're allowed to go to the women's restroom. | ||
| Are you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Post-op. | ||
| Or whatever, you know. | ||
| You know, that's what supposedly was behind that woman getting beat up in that McDonald's. | ||
| Oh my God, did you hear about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Supposedly, that's a transvestite. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a man who dresses like a woman. | ||
| That's crazy that we know about McDonald's. | ||
| Well, that video's huge. | ||
| I haven't seen the video. | ||
| You haven't seen it? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's pretty ruthless. | ||
| Those girls beat the fuck out of that girl. | ||
| And they keep going back. | ||
| They keep kicking her. | ||
| And then a girl kicks her when she's down. | ||
| Kicks, boots her in the head. | ||
| And the girl starts convulsing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| Yeah, it's pretty rough. | ||
| It's pretty rough. | ||
| And people are like, oh, that's so fake. | ||
| That looks so fake. | ||
| Tell you what wasn't fake. | ||
| That big, gigantic kick to the head. | ||
| That shit was real. | ||
| You know, it's very possible. | ||
| People don't know. | ||
| People go into convulsions. | ||
| It's very possible that someone can have a seizure from heavy brain trauma like that. | ||
| Very possible. | ||
| Don't think it's not. | ||
| The girl really kicked her in the head. | ||
| It was real. | ||
| They stomped her head. | ||
| It was pretty rough. | ||
| And the manager's trying to keep the girls off of her. | ||
| He can't. | ||
| He's ineffective. | ||
| Everybody got fired. | ||
| The whole thing, it's pretty crazy. | ||
| But the idea was that she was a he-she, and she was going into the woman's room. | ||
| That's what I read. | ||
| Whether or not that's true, I haven't... | ||
| I don't know if they've interviewed her and got the whole full deal. | ||
| See, this is like another form of soap opera. | ||
| Antoine Dodson got arrested for marijuana possession. | ||
| Did you hear? | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Run and tell that. | ||
| Home, home, home, boy. | ||
| Somewhere in Alabama, I think. | ||
| What's he doing in Alabama? | ||
| That's probably where he lives. | ||
| No, I thought he moved back to L.A. I heard he was living in L.A. now and they were filming a new show with him out here. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe he went back home and said hi to the homies and he got busted. | ||
| Hi, homies! | ||
| Uh-oh! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-oh! | |
| Yeah, back then, man. | ||
| You still can get busted. | ||
| Back there, rather. | ||
| Back there is back then. | ||
| That's funny, because I said back then. | ||
| Meaning like Alabama, but it is back then in time as well. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| I'm saying back then because I'm thinking of it as being in the 50s. | ||
| I should have said back there, but back then is more appropriate. | ||
| They live in a fucking time warp. | ||
| Stupid ass place where you can get fucking arrested. | ||
| Oh, do you hear about the Rhode Island guy? | ||
| Here's another one. | ||
| I love hearing about politicians who get fucked up. | ||
| This guy who was a anti-marijuana House Minority Leader Robert Watson, he was arrested for alcohol and drug charges. | ||
| They pull homeboy over and he failed the field sobriety test. | ||
| So then they grabbed him and they searched his pockets and they find out he's got a plastic bag filled with pot and a wooden pipe. | ||
| So this fucking dummy, who is this anti-pot guy, It gets busted with pot. | ||
| And that, to me, that's like a gay guy who's secretly gay who votes against gay marriage. | ||
| They should be locked up. | ||
| You're like a traitor. | ||
| You're like a traitor for humanity. | ||
| You're a bad person. | ||
| If you really want to lock people in jail for pot and yet you enjoy pot... | ||
| You're a shitty human being. | ||
| You're willing to put your own personal gain ahead of the betterment of the people. | ||
| You're willing to take something that you know is not right and push it because you think more people are going to agree with you because it's the contemporary opinion. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's a really shitty human being. | ||
| That guy, you know, I hope that guy is ostracized from the political community for life. | ||
| I hope they never allow him back. | ||
| And it's sad, but they probably will. | ||
| He'll probably eventually show up somewhere else and apologize or become a Christian or something stupid and they'll suck him right back in. | ||
| Enough people will believe in him that he'll get some shitty job in some shitty little fucking community where they won't bother Google searching what a douchebag he is. | ||
| Hopefully he gets eye herpes. | ||
| Do you know that should exist? | ||
| Where you can get herpes on your eyeball. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it breaks out like once a month or whatever. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Whenever it happens. | ||
| I heard of a story and I don't know if it's true. | ||
| So internet, do your research. | ||
| A wrestler was in the middle of a match. | ||
| His contact fell out. | ||
| Put his contact back in his eye. | ||
| Got staph from the contact lens and died. | ||
| Is this true? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| This could very easily be one of those urban myths. | ||
| But I heard the story and I was like, that is the scariest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. | ||
| Eyeball staph that winds up killing you just because a contact lens fell on the ground and the ground is so fucking polluted. | ||
| There's so much funk and fucking human slime on that ground. | ||
| That staff is some scary shit, man. | ||
| Remember how scary websites like Rotten.com used to be? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| What was the other one that was really bad? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not Rotten.com, but the one that had the red and black. | |
| Yeah, I don't remember. | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| I remember I would be scared to go there. | ||
| Yeah, there's a few sites to this day that I won't fuck with. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But somebody posted up a video the other day of a Mexican lady cutting some dude's head off. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I watched the whole thing. | ||
| What? | ||
| I don't know what the fuck it was. | ||
| I'm done with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was weak. | |
| It was weak. | ||
| You shouldn't have done it. | ||
| She didn't just cut off his head. | ||
| She did a lot of other shit to him, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| And there's a video of it. | ||
| They showed the guy dying. | ||
| I mean, they show her... | ||
| And I was amazed at how... | ||
| How much I've gotten over the impact of those things. | ||
| It used to be, I would watch that and it would haunt my dreams. | ||
| Like the first time I ever saw Faces of Death, and I realized these are really bodies. | ||
| Like Faces of Death, some of the Faces of Death were, I don't know if it was exactly Faces of Death, but one of those type of videos, I remember one of them was super disturbing. | ||
| It was in some Middle Eastern country where they were killing a guy by tying him in between two trucks and pulling him apart. | ||
| Oh yeah! | ||
| Remember the blood orgy? | ||
| That was completely fake, right? | ||
| I don't remember that. | ||
| The blood orgy was where they had a body in the middle and they were like eating it. | ||
| Oh yeah, that was fake as fuck. | ||
| That looked fake as fuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, that looked stupid. | ||
| The train chick was always the one that scared me the most. | ||
| Oh, the girl steps in front of the train and gets smashed. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And her body flies towards the camera. | ||
| Yeah, oh my god. | ||
| God, that's hard. | ||
| Yeah, monkey brains. | ||
| Oh, I forgot about that train one, man. | ||
| I forgot about that train one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| And monkey brains? | ||
| Monkey brains is rough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I'll tell you what, that's a monkey. | ||
| I don't really care that much about a monkey. | ||
| I mean, I'm not happy that a monkey dies, but you want to see monkeys get fucked up? | ||
| Watch the chimps fuck up the monkeys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that's the most disturbing monkey shit online, is watching chimps eating monkeys while they're alive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So monkey brains, I don't even know if that was real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I used to have Faces of Death. | ||
| I've talked about this. | ||
| Maybe not on the podcast. | ||
| And the UFC. UFC. And that was our scary tape. | ||
| Like, we'd be like, guys, I got UFC number two in fear... | ||
| Or whatever, the Faces of Death. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we'd go and, you know, watch that shit and... | ||
| Yeah, it used to disturb the shit out of me. | ||
| Like that video of the guys getting pulled apart by the trucks, that fucking haunted me for days. | ||
| But now I can watch it and it's so much easier to digest. | ||
| My favorite one was, not my favorite, the most disturbing one where that guy gets shot in the stomach and goes, or whatever it was, and he falls down. | ||
| I didn't see that one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You didn't? | |
| Oh, that was one of the best. | ||
| I think it was Faces of Death 2. It was like a guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he goes, and he falls down. | |
| And we used to always say that growing up. | ||
| How about Bud Dwyer? | ||
| Bud Dwyer is the most disturbing one ever. | ||
| Was that on Faces of Death? | ||
| He was on one of those fucking things. | ||
| Might not have been Faces of Death. | ||
| I got a couple of other ones, too. | ||
| I should have never watched those, though. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| Do you think that it's bad that you become desensitized? | ||
| Because I'm not desensitized to it in real life. | ||
| What do you think it is? | ||
| I don't think it's good for your soul. | ||
| I think after I saw that beheading video, the famous Iraqi beheading guy, I think after seeing that, I'm like, you know what? | ||
| I'm cutting myself off of that. | ||
| I'm just not going to do that anymore. | ||
| There's no reason. | ||
| I don't need to see it. | ||
| I see what it looks like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I'm in agreement. | ||
| But yeah, you still do it all the time. | ||
| Yeah, I still watch it. | ||
| Not all the time. | ||
| Most of the time, I'm avoiding it. | ||
| But every now and then, I'll get stupid. | ||
| And I just get weak. | ||
| Because it's a forward movie to you. | ||
| Well, it's a little bit of that. | ||
| And a little bit of, I don't have anything particular that I need to be looking at. | ||
| So I just decide, hmm, let me see what the fuck's on this. | ||
| Hmm, let me see what's on that page. | ||
| And then I'll see it. | ||
| I go... | ||
| Alright, let's click it. | ||
| Let's just click it. | ||
| Let's see what it is. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I think the best movie for you ever is if they made a horror movie, kind of like a Friday the 13th, but it was Friday the 13th, but the porn mixed in with it. | ||
| There was like six girls staying at this room. | ||
| Are you projecting your own fucked up weird shit on me? | ||
| No, I think that would be your favorite movie ever. | ||
| No, I don't like Friday the 13th movies. | ||
| Werewolves? | ||
| Yeah, I like werewolf movies. | ||
| I'm trying to figure out why, what the fuck that is. | ||
| I guess somehow or another knowing that deep inside people there's some sort of an animalistic nature. | ||
| That it is almost like a wolf, you know? | ||
| Because you're a werewolf. | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| I'm just a person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck is wrong with you? | |
| Werewolves don't exist, stupid. | ||
| I remember when Twilight was big, you used to always say, you're a werewolf. | ||
| Brian, you're going to give me a bad reputation with these lies. | ||
| I don't think that's cool, man. | ||
| Poor friends. | ||
| You can't just fucking put shit like this. | ||
| And next thing you know, be on my Wikipedia page. | ||
| That's the next thing on the Wikipedia page. | ||
| I'm not saying that you should put in that during the Twilight days, Joe Rogan often said that he was a werewolf. | ||
| I'm not saying you should put that on there. | ||
| But if it's on there, I ain't hating. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I ain't mad at you. | ||
| I'm already on some man shit, you know, because when Daryl Wright said that, you're on some man shit, I somehow or another said something about putting it on Wikipedia, and apparently it's up there, man. | ||
| That shit's hilarious. | ||
| I don't fuck with my Wikipedia, so if you want to write some fake shit about me... | ||
| I got banned from Wikipedia. | ||
| I support your fake writing shit about me on Wikipedia, as long as it's funny. | ||
| You know, just be funny with it. | ||
| Just have some fun. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| The whole idea about those things is silly. | ||
| You're going to allow everybody to just contribute shit. | ||
| How are you going to know? | ||
| How are you going to ever know? | ||
| How are you going to ever know unless someone corrects it? | ||
| What if they don't correct it? | ||
| What did you get banned for? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| My IP was banned. | ||
| And I've never... | ||
| I don't think I've ever used Wikipedia. | ||
| And then one day it just started being banned. | ||
| So now I'm thinking like an ex-girlfriend was at my house going, Oh, I might say Britney Spears is not as hot as mining or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Do you really think that you... | ||
| First of all, you let chicks use your computer or they did it with their own Like their own computer. | ||
| You don't have no checks. | ||
| You got to stay off my IP address. | ||
| When you have a chick over your house and she starts fucking with your email, do you go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| I'm pretty good nowadays. | ||
| I'm not like some... | ||
| Have you ever had that happen though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I would assume that. | ||
| In the past? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because you're always into all kinds of weird shit and dating all these weird girls. | ||
| It's mostly ex-girlfriend talk. | ||
| Like, hey, what's this email with your ex-girlfriend? | ||
| Or something like that. | ||
| They look through your emails to find that shit? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, had to. | ||
| Had to be looking through your emails. | ||
| How else would she know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So she goes on your computer, looks through your emails, and goes, what the fuck is this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then what do you gotta say? | ||
| Uh, you just tell them the truth. | ||
| I mean, like, it's just them overreacting on things, you know? | ||
| Like, hey, look, this is my ex-girlfriend. | ||
| You know, I dated her for seven years. | ||
| I can talk to this person, you know? | ||
| And then the music starts playing. | ||
| This is the beginning of a music video from the 90s. | ||
| You know, like Orange Juice Jones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I call you and him walking in the rain. | |
| This weekend, Toronto is basically sold out. | ||
| The only tickets that are available for the Massey Hall show. | ||
| It might be Massey Hall. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Massey Hall, Massey Hall. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Friday night. | ||
| The only tickets that are available are single seats by themselves. | ||
| And I'm fucking super psyched. | ||
| I'm super psyched to get to Toronto. | ||
| And I'm super psyched to be bringing my man Sam Tripoli with me. | ||
| Sam the Slayer. | ||
| Him and his faux hawk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shady Sam. | |
| Yeah, Shady Sam Tripoli. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| And then the UFC, of course, is the next night, so it's going to be the shit, son. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| We are doing Sal's Comedy Hole tomorrow night, and that'll be at 8 o'clock. | ||
| Yeah, 8 o'clock in Hollywood. | ||
| Why are you frowning? | ||
| Oh, I didn't know that. | ||
| I haven't put together any... | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| All right. | ||
| Call Sal. | ||
| Tell them what the fuck is up. | ||
| Well, they asked me today if we were doing it, and I hadn't heard anything about it. | ||
| Shazam, son! | ||
| Now we know! | ||
| Yeah, I might be doing a show at a pot shop in Toronto on Thursday night too, Tripoli and I. There's apparently some underground pot thing going on in Toronto and they have shows there. | ||
| You know too much. | ||
| You already know too much. | ||
| So that might be going down on Thursday night, too. | ||
| I'll keep your freaks posted. | ||
| Did Doug Benson get a hold of you? | ||
| Yeah, he's going to be on the podcast May 11th. | ||
| And tomorrow, which is April 27th, Duncan Trussell is coming on at 3 o'clock. | ||
| So that should be awesome, bitches. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast. | ||
| And if you go to JoeRogan.net, on the right-hand side, there's a link for the flashlight. | ||
| If you click it and enter in the code name ROGAN, you get 15% off the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| It is awesome. | ||
| Brian and I have both fucked it on numerous occasions, and we give it two thumbs up. | ||
| Get the Jenna Hayes one. | ||
| In support of Jenna Hayes, because she was on the Death Squad podcast, and she seemed like she was very cool. | ||
| She seemed like a nice person, right? | ||
| She did a... | ||
| She was nice, but she did what it sounds like when she has an orgasm on it, and it was like a minute long or something like that. | ||
| It was fucking beautiful. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| She's funny. | ||
| She just embraces being a slut and talks about how funny it is. | ||
| Her whole thing is how she controls everything. | ||
| No music while the sex is going on. | ||
| She doesn't like big, long, stupid scenes. | ||
| She does it all herself, too, man. | ||
| She's got... | ||
| She's won more awards in porn than anyone. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| She's an OG. The Hicks and Gracie of porn. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| She is, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you liked that. | ||
| That was good? | ||
| It was an amazing interview. | ||
| Maybe we'll get her on this show, too. | ||
| That'll be fun. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| We'll have to do it at your place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thank you, everybody. | ||
| And we will see you all tomorrow. | ||
| Oh, May. | ||
| May something or another. | ||
| San Francisco tickets are on sale. | ||
| Already more than half sold out. | ||
| So all my friends that want to come to the shows in San Francisco, it is May 12th, 13th, and 14th. | ||
| And like I said, the tickets are all... | ||
| They're selling very fast, so I don't want anybody to get left out. | ||
| And that'll be Joey. | ||
| Yeah, that's at Cobbs. | ||
| And that'll be Joey, and I think Ari's gonna do it too. | ||
| And you're coming too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What, bitches? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Alright, my friends, we'll see you tomorrow with our pal and one of the best podcast guests ever, Duncan Trussell. | ||
| As always, I love you, bitches. |
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