Feb. 28, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:49:07
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| I miss the girl. | ||
| Would the girl Joe Rogan experience one? | ||
| I miss her. | ||
| I'll switch it up next time. | ||
| Yeah, that girl. | ||
| I miss her. | ||
| Maybe we'll even throw in a robot one or something. | ||
| Let's get crazy. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| I just got back from Australia. | ||
| My body's very taxed. | ||
| I don't even know who I am right now. | ||
| I'm in a fucking fog. | ||
| I was on the other side of the planet just hours ago. | ||
| I'm here with Duncan Trussell, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Duncan Trussell has joined the podcast. | ||
| That's T-U-R... Yeah. | ||
| Double S, double L. There you go. | ||
| No, there's an E in there, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Don't say double S, double L. Trussell. | ||
|
unidentified
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Trussell. | |
| Duncan. | ||
| T-U-R-S-S-E-L-L. That's what it is. | ||
| He's joined us because he's the fucking greatest podcast guest in the history of the universe. | ||
| Ah, come on. | ||
| And we've even toned the lights down because Duncan's here. | ||
| Because I took a nap, I slept an hour in the plane, flew all the way from Australia, it's twelve and a half hours, slept an hour in the plane, took a nap for an hour, and then boom! | ||
| So, I'm on momentum right now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What's that noise, bro? | ||
| I don't know, I'm trying to figure that out. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's all the STDs Brian picked up this weekend. | ||
| Tuning into the Wi-Fi signal. | ||
| By the way, Fleshlight, real quick. | ||
| If you go to Joe Rogan's website, you can click on the banner and it will take you right to the Fleshlight website. | ||
| And if you put in the coupon code ROGAN, you'll save, what is it, 15%? | ||
| 15% off. | ||
| It's a discount masturbation session, Duncan Trussell. | ||
| And I successfully got Brody and Danielle Stewart to put their fingers in my really used fleshlight on the drunk cast and smell it. | ||
| Danielle Stewart being Jason Thieb's girlfriend, you fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're a problem. | ||
| He's possessed by his aides and it's controlling him to spread it around. | ||
| It's like some sort of a parasite, right? | ||
| Like that aquatic worm. | ||
| No, or that mushroom that falls on the ants and the ants go and wander into the pool and drown themselves. | ||
| I don't know about this one. | ||
| You haven't seen that? | ||
| The parasitic fungus? | ||
| Maybe we're talking about the same thing. | ||
| No, I was talking about an aquatic worm that grows into a grasshopper's body, gets to a certain size, and then convinces the grasshopper to go swim. | ||
| Grasshopper can't swim. | ||
| What is this fungus? | ||
| This is different. | ||
| But what is that grasshopper thinking? | ||
| He's not thinking anymore. | ||
| What happens is the aquatic worm rewires his brain somehow or another. | ||
| It's the weirdest, like, how did that work with evolution? | ||
| There's a bunch of other ones out there, too. | ||
| I know there's one that makes some bug's head glow. | ||
| I forget what the bug it is, but it completely zombifies the bug, takes over. | ||
| What's the matter? | ||
| Just lift your mic up a little. | ||
| It's not facing you. | ||
| I think that might be what the sound kind of distortion is. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Does that sound better? | ||
| People at home say, yes! | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| People at home on the treadmill. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Talked to a lot of fucking people in Australia that listened to the podcast. | ||
| It was kind of a trip. | ||
| You know, because last year when I was there, I didn't have the podcast. | ||
| I didn't do it. | ||
| Or if I did do it, it was only like we'd done like a couple of them and nobody knew about it. | ||
| But now, you know, when we were in Rudy Hill and I mentioned the podcast and all these people cheered, I was like, wow, like how many of you fucking people? | ||
| And then I started thinking about it. | ||
| Has there ever been a medium like that where you can just put something online and someone on the other side of the continent can be a weekly listener of this thing? | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Is there a lot of people? | ||
| Yeah, it's packed. | ||
| And then we did another show on Sunday night after the UFC. Sunday night the UFC was over at 5 because the way it was set up so it could be live on pay-per-view in America on Saturday night, which is Sunday early afternoon in Australia. | ||
| So 7 p.m. | ||
| here is, you know, like... | ||
| 2? | ||
| 2 there. | ||
| 2 p.m. | ||
| there. | ||
| Oh, so it was live. | ||
| It wasn't recorded and reprogrammed? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was live, but we shot it on Sunday. | ||
| So then we were there Sunday night, and we were like, well, hey, we're going to be out of here at 5 o'clock. | ||
| So the woman who runs a local club, her name's Jules. | ||
| It's called The Laugh Garage. | ||
| We said, hey, well, let's go do a set there. | ||
| So we hooked it up, and just on Twitter, packed the place. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| Yeah, just We just threw out some Twitter messages, said, hey, we're doing an impromptu ninja show. | ||
| And then we went down there. | ||
| All these cool motherfuckers came out. | ||
| It was a really fun show. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| It's a small place. | ||
| It only seats like 150 people. | ||
| And it's real tight and intimate. | ||
| Just the perfect size comedy club. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| It's got the perfect vibes, got all the shitty headshots on the wall, all the exact things that you want from a great club, good bar, great owners, people that love comedy. | ||
| So we did that on Sunday night. | ||
| We had a show there. | ||
| It was fucking fun as hell. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Isn't it amazing that you could do that now? | ||
| You don't have to fucking go on radio stations, put out advertisements in newspapers. | ||
| You just fucking put it on your cell phone. | ||
| Hey, I'm going to be here at this time. | ||
| Go here. | ||
| This is the first time I really did it like that, where I did a show from a few hours to, let's do a show in a few hours, ready, go. | ||
| And it all did it wirelessly from cell phones. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| The connection that you have with people now is just off the charts. | ||
| Yeah, it's causing some insane shit to happen in the world right now. | ||
| All the stuff in Libya and the Middle East is... | ||
| And Charlie Sheen. | ||
| I blame it. | ||
| Charlie Sheen. | ||
| Apparently, Mrs. Rogan was ecstatic about the newest Charlie Sheen interview because apparently he comes off crazy than a fucking loon. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't heard any of it. | ||
| He did a new one and he goes, the only drug I'm on is Charlie Sheen. | ||
|
unidentified
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Charlie Sheen. | |
| I need to hear that. | ||
| I need to hear those actual words. | ||
| Because on the way over to the airport, me and Ari were listening to the one when it was on the Alex Jones show, which, by the way, got him kicked off that show. | ||
| They canceled production of the show for the rest of the season because of that one interview. | ||
| I heard just recently he said he's not quitting or he's back on it or something like that. | ||
| Because I know there was a while they were going to have Amelia Estevez fill in, but then I thought I just said that I read on TMZ that now he's like, no, I'm not leaving the show or quitting the show. | ||
| Well, it wasn't his choice. | ||
| It was them. | ||
| I don't know where you're getting this from. | ||
| They fired him. | ||
| Why don't you look that up? | ||
| Because what they were saying was that they were canceling production of the show for the season because of his erratic behavior and that he needs to seek help. | ||
|
unidentified
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He goes, I'm just tired of pretending that I'm not freaking winning at every corner, at every turn. | |
| Just delivering the freaking goods over and over again. | ||
| And they ask him about piss tests. | ||
| And he goes, yeah, I'll pass the first one. | ||
| Second one's in your mouth, okay? | ||
| It's called winning. | ||
| I'm tired of pretending. | ||
| I'm here with the goddesses. | ||
| I'm tired of pretending that I'm not living the perfect freaking life. | ||
|
unidentified
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And I'm out there delivering the goods at every turn. | |
| I love him. | ||
| I love him too, man. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Because you got two archetypes going on with Charlie Sheen. | ||
| One of them is he's just doing what really powerful guys have been doing for thousands of years when they have a lot of money. | ||
| They try to establish a harem. | ||
| That's like a basic thing. | ||
| That's been in society for a very long time. | ||
| That's all he's doing. | ||
| He's just living like... | ||
| The western version of some Roman emperor. | ||
| I misread. | ||
|
unidentified
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He was saying that he was going to sue and stuff like that. | |
| Meaning, no, he's not quitting. | ||
| This is not happening. | ||
| That's not misread. | ||
| You didn't read it at all, bitch. | ||
| Well, no, that's what he was saying. | ||
| That's what... | ||
| That's what he said, though. | ||
| Yeah, they don't back down that easy. | ||
| This is a gunfight right now between him and the executive producer. | ||
| I know how this works. | ||
| Did you hear him? | ||
| The shit he talked about on the executive producer? | ||
| Yeah, he talked a lot of shit. | ||
| And he was upset that the guy said something at one of the closings of the show. | ||
| He said, you know, that I eat right, I exercise, I get my colon checked twice a year. | ||
| If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm going to be really pissed. | ||
| I would think that's funny. | ||
| I would take that as a joke if I was Charlie. | ||
| I would be like, you know, I mean... | ||
| He's going out Hunter S. Thompson style, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In front of the whole world to see. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I'm delivering the freaking goods at every turn. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| It's called winning. | ||
| He's got that long breath that he does. | ||
| It's called winning. | ||
| Yeah, he's... | ||
| Delivering the freaking goods. | ||
| This stuff on paper is a lot better than when you hear it live. | ||
| Find the interview. | ||
| Find the most recent one. | ||
| Because apparently it's just fucking gold. | ||
| And he looks crazy as shit. | ||
| And his eyeballs are bugging out while he's talking. | ||
| The only drug I'm on is Charlie Sheen. | ||
| He just did a piss test for Radar Online. | ||
| And it came up negative. | ||
| Like he flew from the Bahamas and pissed in a cup in front of him. | ||
| Supposedly. | ||
| I don't think cocaine stays in your system that long. | ||
| That's not that impressive. | ||
| No, they had a list. | ||
| They said that it would have... | ||
| Well, I mean, I'm sure he's got... | ||
| There's a trick or something, I'm sure, so that it doesn't show up. | ||
| Well, maybe he's not. | ||
| Maybe he's just crazy. | ||
| Maybe he's not even hot. | ||
| Do you want to hear audio from this morning? | ||
| He's on the Today Show. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Delivering the freaking goods. | ||
| I'm going to get a Charlie Sheen impression. | ||
| I'm working on it. | ||
| Sounds decent, right? | ||
| No, that's really good. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's on its way. | |
| I'm tired of pretending I'm not living the perfect freaking life. | ||
| It's called winning. | ||
| The only drug I'm on is Charlie Sheen. | ||
| You gotta do a little sniffle after it. | ||
| I'm here with the goddesses. | ||
| No, that one was good. | ||
| That was not good. | ||
| I need to hear them, and then I'll do it. | ||
| It's like, I need to hear people. | ||
| There's only a few... | ||
| I'm not a good impressionist. | ||
| I'm only good for, like, Joey Diaz. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Like, there's a few people cocksucker that I got nailed. | ||
| I know where to go. | ||
| I know how to fucking talk like them. | ||
| Like, Alex Jones. | ||
| I can do Alex Jones. | ||
|
unidentified
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Charlie, okay, Charlie, basically, you're clean, and you've been clean now for two years... | |
| I'm tired of pretending I'm not delivering the freaking goods. | ||
| Fucking hilarious, dude. | ||
| I need to put it all together with some material. | ||
| Hey, isn't Sheen a 911? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh yeah, a truther. | ||
| He's gone as far as... | ||
| Hold on one second real quick while we get over this. | ||
| Because this is interesting. | ||
| He's gone as... | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| He's gone as far as to write a fake question and answer with Obama, where it looked like an interview with Obama. | ||
| When I first read it, I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? | ||
| And then it gets to the end, and then he tells you that it's fiction, and wouldn't it be amazing if he actually had the opportunity to sit down with President Obama and talk to him about this. | ||
| I'm thinking Charlie Sheen might be a government agent. | ||
| This whole thing might just be his way of being a patriot and really discrediting the 911 truther movement. | ||
| And what he's doing is he's just banging all these whores for America. | ||
| That's what I'm thinking. | ||
| And all the coke and all the whores and all the erratic behavior is really just to make the 911 truther movement look ridiculous. | ||
| This is what I think, man. | ||
| I think that's high, like 99% probably. | ||
| Mostly, likely. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| I'm just trying to pretend I'm not living the perfect freaking life. | ||
|
unidentified
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Just delivering the goods at every turn. | |
| He's trim, drunk. | ||
| He's faking the whole thing, man. | ||
| He's an agent. | ||
| He's working for America. | ||
| Well, this 9-11 truther movement can really fuck up the foundation of this country. | ||
| Erode confidence in the base. | ||
| And so... | ||
| When Charlie Sheen goes out there on a deep end in Bahamas with a suitcase full of heroin with different color socks on, you know, I mean, Charlie Sheen is out there doing it. | ||
| Like 30 years ago, the CIA was like, get me a baby Estevez. | ||
| We're gonna train him. | ||
| We're gonna get him huge. | ||
| That's what we're gonna do. | ||
| We're gonna start him off super legit. | ||
| Oliver Stone movies, Platoon, Wall Street. | ||
| He's going to be a fucking huge, successful mainstream actor. | ||
| Then massive just horrors and drugs and then a rebirth on television. | ||
| And once we get him on television, then we've hit the final phase. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Because when he's on television, then he's in the people's homes. | ||
| And he's a little bit humbled because he's not a movie star anymore, right? | ||
| I mean, now he's a television star. | ||
| It's not quite the same. | ||
| He's already lost a little bit of credibility. | ||
| Maybe he's already sliding. | ||
| But then you hear he's making millions of dollars a week, and he's blowing and doing crazy things. | ||
| Well, now Charlie Sheen's out of control. | ||
| So then you've got to say, well, okay, why is Charlie Sheen into the 9-11 truth movement? | ||
| Why is he doing that? | ||
| Because Charlie Sheen works for the government. | ||
| It's a perfect plot. | ||
| Do you really think they would pay him $2 million a week for that shitbag fucking show? | ||
| That show's goddamn terrible. | ||
| That show is a goddamn atrocity. | ||
| Of course they don't pay him $2 million a week. | ||
| This is just the mainstream news reports what the CIA tells them to report. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Okay, I'm in there working for America. | ||
| At every freaking turn. | ||
| I gotta tell you, man, if you watch that show, I can believe it, because that has to be one of the most miserable shows I've ever seen. | ||
| There is something about working at, like, I said this about Grace Under Fire, remember when Brett Butler had that TV show, Grace Under Fire? | ||
| Brian, what the fuck are you doing, son? | ||
|
unidentified
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I can't do anything. | |
| You got your whole shit on autoplay. | ||
| Anyway, when Brett Butler was on that show, Grace Under Fire, and she started going nutty, like, throwing fucking glasses of water in people's faces. | ||
| I heard a lot of shit. | ||
| Like, that was when I was on Hardball, the first sitcom that I was on. | ||
| It was, like, even before news radio, when she was going nutty. | ||
| Just, like, screaming at people. | ||
| Like, she... | ||
| There's one thing where they... | ||
| I believe they canceled the show. | ||
| This was the infamous statement that she said in front of, like, a table read. | ||
| If you fuck your wife the way you write comedy, no wonder why you're divorced. | ||
| She apparently said that at a table read in front of network executives and all these people and threw something at them. | ||
| That's one of the great getting shows, canceled screaming rants. | ||
| I've heard two good ones. | ||
| Chris Titus is a good one and then this one. | ||
| But Chris Titus is a nice guy, so I won't say his over there. | ||
| You're going to have to ask him about that. | ||
| But man, you gotta look at like, I think that if you look at how being an American celebrity carries with it this bizarre psychological danger, because a pretty large percentage of our celebrities go fucking insane. | ||
| Well, when you're working on something bad, you're miserable. | ||
| And when you're a good comic, like Brett Butler, as crazy as that bitch was, was a good comic. | ||
| She was a legit stand-up comic. | ||
| And if you're doing some show that you know is just not good... | ||
| She was a Bill Hicks fan. | ||
| She was in the Bill Hicks documentary talking about how great he was. | ||
| She was stuck. | ||
| She was stuck making a fuckload of money on something that's absolutely terrible. | ||
| And that's some soul-stealing shit. | ||
| Like Tim Allen. | ||
| Tim Allen was a legit stand-up comic at one point in time. | ||
| And literally quit it all for that show. | ||
| Did his show. | ||
| Did his Tool Time show. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it was called. | ||
| Brian, we got you one right here. | ||
| No, I was going to entry this off. | ||
| Why are you going to do that? | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| Folks, you hear that thing? | ||
| It's called a refrigerator. | ||
| Don't go crazy. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Problem is, we did that before and then we never plug it back in. | ||
| Then all my food goes bad. | ||
| And my pot soda gets warm. | ||
| That's what I put in front of you, son. | ||
| If you're feeling really fucking frisky. | ||
|
unidentified
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Where? | |
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I thought this was ginger grass. | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| I was ignoring that for you. | ||
| Let's go deep juice. | ||
| Can we hear the interview? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Let's hear some Charlie Sheen. | ||
| I don't blame Charlie Sheen. | ||
| The show he's on sucks. | ||
| There's a reason why he's doing drugs. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| That's what I have to say. | ||
| I said this about Brett Butler back in 94. Let's see here. | ||
|
unidentified
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men's star took his guest and pull any punches here we go tired of pretending like I'm not special tired of pretending like I'm not bitching a total freaking rock star from Mars and people can't figure me out they can't process me I don't expect them to you can't process me with a normal brain the troubled actor also from 2 million to 3 million an episode You want a race? | |
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Look what they put me through. | ||
| When it comes to any apologies from Sheen, he says CBS execs shouldn't hold their breath. | ||
| Do you owe CBS an apology? | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| They owe me a big one, publicly, while licking my feet. | ||
| But in his interview with Good Morning America, Charlie said he's clean, sort of. | ||
| Yeah, I am on a drug. | ||
| It's called Charlie Sheen. | ||
| It's not available, because if you try it once, you will die. | ||
| Your face will melt off, and your child will weep over your exploded body. | ||
| Not so sure that's working for you, Charlie. | ||
| He's the most amazing guy ever. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Pause. | ||
| Back that up to the beginning of the interview. | ||
| And let's go over this again, shall we? | ||
| As Duncan Trussell, a professional stand-up comedian, and I break down the brilliance that is the man, Charlie Sheen. | ||
| Charlie Sheen, let's hear it. | ||
| Tired of pretending that I'm not special. | ||
| Let's hear that again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He asked to Morning TV, starting with the Today Show. | |
| And he didn't pull any punches. | ||
| Tired of pretending like I'm not special. | ||
| Tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin' a total frickin' rock star from Mars. | ||
| Pause, please. | ||
| Pause. | ||
| Tired of pretending I'm not special. | ||
| Did he say bitchin'? | ||
| Bitchin' a total rock star from Mars. | ||
|
unidentified
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From Mars. | |
| I need to listen to that a bunch of times and get it down. | ||
| Tired of pretending I'm not special. | ||
| Okay, let's... | ||
| For a second, though. | ||
| And by the way, I kind of feel vile about getting... | ||
| The way everyone gets sucked into this shit. | ||
| Because, like, it's just gross when the locusts... | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Listen, this is awesomeness. | ||
| 100% pure, unadulterated. | ||
| There's no need to make excuses. | ||
| This is one of the greatest occurrences in modern pop culture. | ||
| You've got a fucking guy who makes $2 million a year. | ||
| Or a week, rather. | ||
| And he's imploding in front of everybody with coke and whores and braggadocious behavior. | ||
| Okay, so what... | ||
| Let's just say, even though he seems to think he's not on any drugs, what drug is it? | ||
| Is that cocaine in your hair? | ||
| That's definitely cocaine. | ||
| Fuck, whatever he's on. | ||
| You can just look at his face and see if he's on cocaine, man. | ||
| He's starting to look like a skeleton. | ||
| He looks completely wired. | ||
| I'll give that. | ||
|
unidentified
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He looks like Lohan. | |
| He definitely looks wired. | ||
| Or meth or something? | ||
| It could be meth. | ||
| I think that's just Cokes. | ||
| Piles of Coke. | ||
| Yeah, you think? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, if he tested negative for Radar Online, I don't think you need more than three days clean. | ||
| I think three days and you'll test negative, especially if you take cleansers and drink water. | ||
| So that doesn't mean shit. | ||
| When did he test? | ||
| Monday? | ||
| Especially when you're Charlie Sheen, you just go, hey, I'm going to give you $4 million, make this test right, and I'm like, okay. | ||
| No, we are not. | ||
| That's dumb. | ||
| He could be manic depressive. | ||
| That sounds like someone having either a drug-induced manic episode Or just a manic episode because their brains fucked up from all the blow and they're starting to melt down. | ||
| Well, what's amazing about it is there's two things. | ||
| One, I wish he was a guy who was doing this that wasn't obviously insane. | ||
| It would be so cool if he was just really having fun. | ||
| But it's the way he's doing it that he doesn't realize how that's going to come off. | ||
| He's like, I'm trying to pretend I'm not special. | ||
| I'm trying to pretend I'm not delivering the frickin' goods. | ||
| I'm a rockstar from Mars. | ||
| You know, like, whoa, what are you talking about? | ||
| Because you're good at pretending? | ||
| Like, what the fuck are you saying? | ||
| Like, you should be weirded out by the fact that you have any success. | ||
| Anybody that's a performer that's not weirded out by the fact that, how the fuck did I get to do this for a living? | ||
| You know, you think you're special? | ||
| No one who does... | ||
| Stand-up or acting or music is truly special. | ||
| They're just people that may accomplish special things. | ||
| And the reason why they're doing this is because they're on a path and they get on it and then they get better and then they tune into it and they figure it out. | ||
| And that might be special, like achieving that level of proficiency with music or with comedy or with acting. | ||
| That is kind of special. | ||
| But the person that's doing it, it's just because he kept going. | ||
| You're not special. | ||
| The most talented person ever is not really a special person. | ||
| The acts that they may achieve for whatever reason, whether it's because they're missing some sort of a social thing. | ||
| Some people don't get nervous around other people. | ||
| They can open themselves up because of whatever weirdness that happened to them in their childhood. | ||
| Or some people just have this unbelievably exorbitant need for attention that expresses itself in this really powerful, dramatic performance style. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| You know, that they can just really do something that really rocks you and moves you because they need you to love them that much. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| But at the end of the day, even the most amazing one ever, it's just a fucking person. | ||
| And anybody like Charlie that really starts thinking they are special. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how much of him is just bullshit or how much of it is just him... | ||
| Being on fucking Xanax or whatever the hell he's on. | ||
| But when you start thinking that you actually are special... | ||
| Do you think he's just fucking around also? | ||
| Could be. | ||
| I mean, think about it. | ||
| He doesn't look like you, though. | ||
| A lot of people don't care about the fucking media and what the news things are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's probably just sitting there getting high laughing about this whole thing, probably. | |
| Don't you think? | ||
| I don't think he's taking any of this shit seriously. | ||
| I mean, the drugs Charlie Sheen, do you really think he's thinking that? | ||
| I think he's sick. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| You don't think there's something wrong with him? | ||
| I think he's just fucking around. | ||
| He seems a little erratic. | ||
| These interviews are erratic, bro. | ||
| These are not interviews by a man who has calculated and gone out there and decided, you know, I'm going to act like a loon for a goof. | ||
| That's not what you've got going on here. | ||
| Charlie Sheen's not that good an actor. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| You've got an issue now. | ||
| There's an issue with him. | ||
| Back that up a little bit and let's listen to that. | ||
| One more time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching a total frickin' rockstar from Mars. | |
| And people can't figure me out. | ||
| They can't process me. | ||
| I don't expect them to. | ||
| You can't process me with a normal brain. | ||
| Keep it going. | ||
| Keep it going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he wants a raise from two million to three million an episode. | |
| You want a raise? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, yeah. | |
| Look what they put me through. | ||
| When it comes to any apologies from Sheen, he says CBS execs shouldn't hold their breath. | ||
| Do you owe CBS an apology? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| They owe me a big one publicly while licking my feet. | ||
| But in his interview with Good Morning America, Charlie said he's clean, sort of. | ||
| Yeah, I am on a drug. | ||
| It's called Charlie Sheen. | ||
| It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. | ||
| Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. | ||
| He's not fucking around. | ||
| I think he's just having fun. | ||
| I'm Charlie Sheen. | ||
| I like hookers and porn. | ||
| I'm just going to make a mockery of this whole entire fucking bullshit. | ||
| Well, there's a little bit of that, for sure. | ||
| But there's also the words he's saying. | ||
| Those are the words of an insane man. | ||
| But somebody needs to animate a guy smoking some Charlie Sheen and his body blowing up. | ||
| And his kids coming up and weeping over the corpse. | ||
| Because that's hilarious. | ||
| We love when someone's off the deep end like this. | ||
| We love it. | ||
| Society, we love it. | ||
| Lohan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is way better than Lohan. | ||
| This is Lohan if she had a brain and she could talk. | ||
| Lohan's just slurring and stumbling around. | ||
| She didn't do shit, dude. | ||
| This is a thousand times better. | ||
| This is an archetype. | ||
| And this archetype shows up in religion, it shows up in culture, not to take it too deep, but it's the idea of God coming to earth and his followers eating him. | ||
| Dionysus, Jesus, it happens again and again. | ||
| This is a recurring thing, and that's what we do. | ||
| We get people really famous, we worship them, we call them idols, and then we fucking kill them. | ||
| I got news for you, bro. | ||
| Nobody worships Charlie Sheen. | ||
| I bet they do. | ||
| No, there are a few. | ||
| There's a few, like, you know, confused two-and-a-half Ben star fans out there. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure he's flooded every day with messages from weird, mediocre people. | ||
| That's why he's tired of pretending he's not special. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it gets to your head. | ||
| What a freaking rock star from Mars. | ||
| Especially when you're generating that much fucking money. | ||
| It's got to get to your... | ||
| He probably was sick of that show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's just sabotaging himself to get off that fucking show. | |
| I don't know about that, dude. | ||
| That's what I was wondering. | ||
| This is going to carry on much further than that. | ||
| There's obviously some sort of a bad relationship between him and the guy who's the executive producer of the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But that's really normal. | |
| What's that guy's name? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| Yeah, that's really normal, though. | ||
| That shit happens all the time. | ||
| I've seen it happen. | ||
| There's always a battle of egos between the talent. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I unplugged that fucking thing. | ||
| I swear to God I did. | ||
| Don't answer it. | ||
| I have to. | ||
| I'm in your house. | ||
| I'm calling you from your house. | ||
| Joe pretty much cock-blocked us for the Charlie Sheen interview, though. | ||
| We could still get him. | ||
| So, Doug, how's your podcast doing? | ||
| Doing good? | ||
| Yeah, it's doing good. | ||
| The Lavender Hour on iTunes. | ||
| I don't listen to that many podcasts, but I listen to yours because I fucking love... | ||
| Anything you do, obviously. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| But you and Natasha work so well together. | ||
| We just had my friend Emil on the show, and he told me one of the most horrifying stories I've ever heard in my life. | ||
| What? | ||
| He almost got raped while he was on acid. | ||
| He tells this story on the podcast, but it's just the most... | ||
| And this is a Lavender Hour. | ||
| Which episode is it? | ||
| This one, I haven't put it up yet. | ||
| I'm going to put it up. | ||
| It just happened. | ||
| It's just my friend. | ||
| It was my friend who's this musician in a band called Om, which is an awesome fucking band and the Holy Sons. | ||
| But basically, he just tells the story about getting in the back of his friend's car while he's on acid. | ||
| He kind of knew this guy. | ||
| I didn't know him that well. | ||
| And his friend's car, the sides of it had been greased. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You told me about this. | |
| So if you were struggling in the back. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And so he's just starting to trip. | ||
| In his mind, he's like, okay, I'm probably being paranoid. | ||
| This guy didn't intentionally grease this fucking car. | ||
| And the guy pulls up into this house and he's like, I just got to do a quick drug deal. | ||
| And he goes into the house and Emil goes into the house with him. | ||
| I guess he didn't want to sit in the car. | ||
| He's stuck in the car. | ||
| He goes in the fucking house. | ||
| This guy takes him into a back room where there's a dude in full Michael Jackson costume. | ||
| And on the wall is a picture of Janet Jackson naked with candles around it like a shrine. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, and his friend... | ||
| You sure this wasn't all part of the acid trip and he was really just sitting on the couch like watching two and a half men? | ||
| This happened. | ||
| And then like one of the guys started like... | ||
| Dancing next to him, but there's no music playing, and he's doing air dancing. | ||
| And then both the guys leave for a second and come back, and they're standing right next to him, air dancing. | ||
| And then the guy pressed play on a CD player and started playing Loser by Beck. | ||
| And looking on the wall, there's all these fucking posters on the wall of dudes having three-ways. | ||
| And he's like, oh, look, three-way, three-way, three-way. | ||
| My friend's tripping out. | ||
| They fucking play loser by Beck and start dancing next to him because they're just trying to fuck him and he said he ran from the house screaming. | ||
| He ran from the house screaming and he said the guy leaned out the window and yelled to him, don't tell anybody! | ||
| That doesn't sound like he was almost raped. | ||
| It sounds like he was almost fucked. | ||
| There's a difference there, right? | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
| There's a distinction. | ||
| He got mind raped. | ||
| That shit never happens to me anymore. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| What, has it ever come close? | ||
| What do you mean anymore? | ||
| No, I'm just kidding. | ||
| Can you imagine just walking into that room and seeing somebody dressed up as Michael Jackson? | ||
| You've got to be careful when you do acid, man. | ||
| You leave yourself at the mercy of the universe. | ||
| Yes, you do. | ||
| And if you're going to go do acid and then climb in someone's car that you don't know that good, then go to his house. | ||
| You're up. | ||
| Or go to the UFC. Or do anything. | ||
| Do anything where you're going to be out there with a bunch of people. | ||
| I want to know what Charlie's doing. | ||
| Right now? | ||
| I want to know what he's doing. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I want to know what he's doing drug-wise. | ||
| And all these girls are saying cocaine. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| I'm sure it's cocaine. | ||
| I'm sure it's just 100% cocaine. | ||
| It's obviously an amphetamine. | ||
| It's like maybe Adderall. | ||
| Maybe he's taking Adderall. | ||
| Yeah, on top of it. | ||
| Maybe he's on some kind of pharmaceutical speed. | ||
| A lot of people are on Adderall. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| But people are on it. | ||
| Fitzsimmons is on it every day. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Takes it every day. | ||
| I learned how to code an action script on Adderall. | ||
| Is that good, though? | ||
| Action script? | ||
| Sucks. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| No, Adderall's a great trick. | ||
| It's like scientists studied cocaine and they came up with a wonderful version of it. | ||
| I took half of one recently. | ||
| My first time I ever did it. | ||
| I took half of one. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| I took the second half. | ||
| I felt like I was too much cocaine. | ||
| You start doing the mouth thing and you have the drips and stuff. | ||
| It felt like all of that. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| Yeah, it's a pretty intense drug. | ||
| And I know people are taking it. | ||
| I guess it gets prescribed for attention deficit disorder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it does. | ||
| It focuses you. | ||
| What's the name of that drug that makes you smarter? | ||
| What's that called? | ||
| Nootropics? | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| Nootropics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nootropics. | |
| Yeah, I love that, man. | ||
| I love the idea that they're going to come out with a pill that you're going to be able to take and get so... | ||
| Super, super. | ||
| Well, what they are, they do have right now, they have supplements that aid the function of the brain, you know, that help you, supposedly help you retain memories and help get blood flow to the brain. | ||
| I don't, you know, I mean, I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, there's studies that have been done on certain substances. | ||
| They've showed some sort of a cognitive advantage in using them. | ||
| Chris, Chris Marcus, the guy from The Fleshlight, him and I are putting together like a little pack. | ||
| We're going to try it out. | ||
| And what we're doing is like putting together a pack of all the best shit. | ||
| All the stuff that's supposed to be really good for your brain and put it in a pack so that you don't have to go buy 20 fucking bottles of things and sort it all out yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's cool. | |
| Yeah, and so for the lazy, wannabe smart people, you can just buy these. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| But what's he going to do if now no one wants to buy a Fleshlight because they're too smart? | ||
| He quit the Fleshlight. | ||
| Oh, he did? | ||
| Yeah, he left. | ||
| It's his birthday today, by the way. | ||
| Happy birthday, man. | ||
| Oh, yeah, Monday. | ||
| Happy birthday, bitch. | ||
| Happy birthday, bitch. | ||
| So we're going to come up with some. | ||
| So we'll find out. | ||
| We're going to try them and test them out and see what the, you know, it's one of those weird things though. | ||
| It's like, how do you know, you know, like I take vitamins and the only way I know that vitamins help me is when I don't take them. | ||
| If I don't take, I've done that before. | ||
| I took a couple weeks off vitamins and I felt like flat and everything. | ||
| I just didn't feel as vibrant. | ||
| And then I started taking the vitamins again. | ||
| And then within a week, I was like, whoa, I feel good again. | ||
| Like, this has got to be the vitamins. | ||
| It must be. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
| I mean, you're supposed to be eating vegetables all fucking day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're not supposed to be eating cheeseburgers and soda and whatever the fuck you're eating. | ||
| Red Bull. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, the amount of vitamins that you're supposed to get is supposed to what you do get. | ||
| And when you do give yourself what you need, like, man, it's just everything feels clean. | ||
| Like, it's working smooth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, I don't know. | ||
| We're going to try this out. | ||
| And if it works, you know, if it becomes something that's interesting, we'll start selling it. | ||
| Is that something you have to get, like, I mean, does he have to have, like, some kind of license to do this? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| Or is it, like, the supplement thing, you could pretty much do whatever you want to do? | ||
| Well, it's not a... | ||
| The thing about it being, like, you know, it's not, like, they're not regulated like the Food and Drug Administration. | ||
| It's not FDA regulated, you know? | ||
| It's, like, that's one of the problems with supplements. | ||
| They can say they do a lot of things that they don't really do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, it's... | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
| It's hard to tell what the fuck is weird or what's fake. | ||
| And then mixing shit. | ||
| Yeah, and then at one point in time, they were going to call them nutraceuticals and they were going to have them prescribed. | ||
| described, it was a big push that the pharmaceutical companies did, I think it was in the 90s, to try to take over the vitamin business. | ||
| When they saw that all these people were spending all this money on homeopathic cures and vitamins and stuff like that and health things, they said, well, hey, we'll just fucking lock that shit down too. | ||
| Like Monsanto was going to fucking put a patent on vitamin C and the only way you get vitamin C is from Monsanto. | ||
| I mean, that's not outside the realm of possibility with corporate America. | ||
| What they've done with food in this country, for folks that don't know, you've got to watch some of the documentaries that are available on Monsanto and see what they've done with What they've basically done is they've genetically modified food so that it doesn't have the same effect when you spray pesticides on it. | ||
| It doesn't get killed by the same bugs. | ||
| They have a bunch of different things that they've done to various plants. | ||
| But once they have this genetically modified seed, you owe them money. | ||
| This is how it works. | ||
| You can't just grow plants and then take the seeds from those plants and grow new plants. | ||
| You're not allowed to do that. | ||
| It's illegal. | ||
| You have to buy a new set of seeds from them. | ||
| And you own those seeds just for that season. | ||
| You buy them to use them. | ||
| It's like you lease them. | ||
| And then this is where you owe the money because their seeds go in the air, the cross-pollination. | ||
| And they fucking fly off and land in some other guy's field. | ||
| And he starts growing Monsanto genetically modified food. | ||
| And then they come in and they go, hey, you got our fucking corn growing, bitch. | ||
| You owe us money. | ||
| And they just take your money. | ||
| I mean, it becomes like a crazy legal battle with these poor fucking farmers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, and with, you know, you could say that some of them might have stole the seeds. | ||
| That's possible. | ||
| But with a lot of them, it's been proven that it's just cross-pollination. | ||
| And so then it becomes a real trip because these people might be organic farmers, too. | ||
| They don't want this mutant freak fucking genetically modified food growing out of their soil. | ||
| Monsanto is trying to, they're trying to not just do that with food, but they're trying to do that with animal food. | ||
| They're trying to do that with pigs. | ||
| They're patenting pig parts. | ||
| They're genetically modifying pigs, and then they're going to patent those pig parts. | ||
| But the problem is there's all this debate about them doing that because they're saying, you're patenting things that have already existed for a million years. | ||
| That's absolutely ridiculous. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You can't just patent. | ||
| Patent fucking parts of animals and shit. | ||
| Can you make an animal that you own? | ||
| Like you own the patent to it? | ||
| And then what if you want to commit genocide on the animal that you own? | ||
| Are you allowed to just do that? | ||
| Just shut them all off? | ||
| You created it. | ||
| It's yours. | ||
| It's artificial. | ||
| Supposedly. | ||
| Monsanto sounds like the same company that made Robocop. | ||
| Like they're going to unleash some terrible thing on the world. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird thing, man. | ||
| They filed an invention. | ||
| They filed a patent for the new invention, the pig. | ||
| This is an article on Greenpeace. | ||
| It's fucking crazy, man. | ||
| It's very weird, man. | ||
| Wait, they called their invention the pig? | ||
| No, it's a joke. | ||
| I mean, that's the joke title of this, you know, but their patent plans. | ||
| Nothing tastes better than Monsanto pig! | ||
| They're out to own the world's food supply, man. | ||
| It's just amazing that it's gotten to this point where they've let anybody put any sort of a patent on life. | ||
| I understand that once you start to alter that life, then it becomes a real question. | ||
| In a sense, you're sort of playing God. | ||
| You're genetically modifying the structure of a plant to your liking. | ||
| And then you own a patent on that piece of life. | ||
| I mean, we're allowing people to patent life. | ||
| And if it sounds ridiculous with a pig, well, guess what? | ||
| It's just as ridiculous with a fucking head of lettuce. | ||
| It's all ridiculous. | ||
| But a patent is, you know, the thing about it is... | ||
| The most disturbing thing is the idea of some corporation just for profit meddling around with the DNA of things that haven't been meddled with for a very long time. | ||
| That's bizarre. | ||
| That's much more bizarre than the patent because the patent is just an imaginary thing anyway. | ||
| Yeah, well, what's really scary about it is the idea that they can stop other people from growing it. | ||
| They can stop other people from having it. | ||
| I must be naive right now because this shit going on in Egypt and Libya makes me think that The corporate bullshit like that is just such a pipe dream. | ||
| They will invoke things like that and there'll be a period of time where the belt gets too tight, but I just don't think it works. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what's going on in Egypt and what's going on in Libya and what's going on in Iran, but I don't think anything really happens without the CIA being involved. | ||
| Yeah, I agree with that. | ||
| I don't think these things just start happening. | ||
| I think someone, some fucking dude who works for America is over there and he's helping organize shit. | ||
| And not to take anything away from the heroic effort that these people have done, especially in Egypt. | ||
| Mubarak is gone. | ||
| And in Libya right now, they're getting gunned down the street. | ||
| There's videos, I've seen a bunch of them online, of people getting hit by snipers. | ||
| It's fucking dark shit, man. | ||
| They're just blowing dudes' heads off in the middle of the streets. | ||
| Not to take anything away from that. | ||
| I mean, these people really are doing something courageous, but for sure there's some influence there. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Our government's involved in everything. | ||
| I think our government does not want what's happening in the Middle East to be happening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| If there are people out there, if there's some conspiracy, no, because you've got fucking... | ||
| Right after everything went down in Egypt, they were showing pictures of Mubarak on mainstream press as though we were kind of a good guy. | ||
| I mean, it's so cool to watch mainstream news because it's like they have to spend a few days deciding what tone they're going to take with it. | ||
| And when the Egyptian revolution started, the United States government didn't come out and do much at all because they were waiting to see if they would be able to push them down, to hold them down. | ||
| You know, and then they kind of came out in favor of the people, but they had to. | ||
| But there's pictures of Obama meeting with him, many presidents meeting with him. | ||
| I think he was already ours. | ||
| I don't think we wanted to get rid of him. | ||
| I think we liked him right where he was at. | ||
| But, you know, how do you know, though? | ||
| It's all speculation. | ||
| He might have, like, run his course because at one point in time we wanted Hussein in there. | ||
| You know, Hussein was our boy. | ||
| Donald Rumsfeld shaking his hand is a famous photo. | ||
| You know, he was our guy over there when they were at war with Iran. | ||
| I mean, unless... | ||
| Our guy, listen to me. | ||
| There's no way to, like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Our team. | |
| I wouldn't be surprised if this is some... | ||
| I mean, I'm such a fucking new age hippie sometimes, like, you know, with 2012 coming up and the acceleration of technology, what I like to think of this as is the beginning of people having the ability to organize themselves in a way that's never been possible in human history, mixing in with the ability to get information that you could never get. | ||
| So that motivates people to revolt against liars. | ||
| And that's what the Internet's doing, just showing who the fucking liars are out there. | ||
| Yeah, I think you're right about that. | ||
| I definitely think it's that as well. | ||
| I definitely think that the social media and using Facebook and Twitter to get messages out to where we're going to protest and where we're going to meet. | ||
| I mean, that's one of the first things they did in Egypt and one of the first things they did in Libya is cut off their supply to the Internet. | ||
| They cut off their connection to the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
First thing. | |
| But, you know, I mean, don't think that the CIA isn't fucking super savvy about that kind of shit, too. | ||
| You know, I mean, because of course they are. | ||
| And I'm not saying that this isn't, you know, it's not possible that it's just a plain old-fashioned revolt. | ||
| I just think that the United States is so clever about, you know, The foreign policy and how they interfere with other countries, that they don't ever allow anything to really slip by. | ||
| When this guy got arrested in Pakistan for shooting down some people who tried to rob him, and then it turned out the guy was a CIA operative that was embedded into the system over there. | ||
| When you find out stuff like that, it's like, wow, how many of these guys are there? | ||
| How many? | ||
| I have a buddy, and I've talked about it before. | ||
| He doesn't like talking about it, but his dad was in the CIA. He didn't find out until he was fucking 30 years old. | ||
| He didn't know. | ||
| He thought his dad was a banker. | ||
| Wow, that's cool, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's a trip. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who knows? | |
| I think what happens is something like this goes down. | ||
| They had statistics. | ||
| They probably had think tanks who were like, there's a possibility that this is going to happen in the Middle East. | ||
| And when it happens, here's our plan. | ||
| We know this guy out there, this guy out there, this guy out there. | ||
| Then let's move in to try to... | ||
| Make the situation to our advantage. | ||
| But I'm skeptical for no reason other than it just seems like this doesn't work with my understanding of the way Empire likes to run. | ||
| It's my opinion that this is the people doing this. | ||
| More than it is a CIA-instigated thing. | ||
| And I think even if it was a CIA-instigated thing, it might have turned into something they didn't expect. | ||
| Because really, the one thing we don't want over there is for, what's it called? | ||
| A hegemony? | ||
| We don't want it to become a theocracy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| We don't want that. | ||
| That's another thing that I was concerned about. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| But this Muslim Brotherhood thing that we keep hearing about lately. | ||
| Yeah, who are they? | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| How is this just coming up now? | ||
| How did they just appear in the comic book? | ||
| This is like an episode of Lost where there's the last season and they have to introduce some new character and this new magic guy. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why I fucking gave up on Lost. | ||
| The last season when they started bringing people back from the dead and Jack started walking through his lines. | ||
| That fuck... | ||
| I'll never watch anything with that guy. | ||
| Yeah, until you see the end and figure out, oh, it all makes sense. | ||
| No, it doesn't because they don't get me. | ||
| You don't get me. | ||
| You ruined me, Jack. | ||
| You fuck. | ||
| You fucking goofball walking through all your scenes. | ||
| He just was mad that he wasn't like a super cool guy anymore like he was in the beginning of the show. | ||
| The beginning of the show, Jack was the bomb diggity. | ||
| He had a great character. | ||
| He was an amazing guy. | ||
| He was out there doing it. | ||
| He was a fucking hero. | ||
| And then somewhere along the line, I bet that actor pissed people off by being a cunt. | ||
| And they slowly started making him a cunt. | ||
| It is... | ||
| He became a junkie and a failure and a zero. | ||
| His character went into the shitter hard in a way that you would never have expected from the first season. | ||
| What the hell did that guy do behind the scenes? | ||
| He's probably having an affair with one of the writers. | ||
| Broke up with her. | ||
| I think they just, they get to know your real personality after a while. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they just start incorporating your douchiness into the script, you know? | ||
| Because I know they do that on shows all the time. | ||
| They do that on shows all the time, and people complain. | ||
| Apparently, like, that girl, what's her name, Catherine Hegel, that's in, like, all those romantic movies that make you want to fucking hurl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The movie with Josh Duhamel when they have a kid together, and they're not really the real parents, and they fell in love. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, she was on that show, what the fuck is that stupid show with Dr. McDreamy, whatever the fuck, what is it? | ||
| Grey's Anatomy. | ||
| Grey's Anatomy, yeah. | ||
| And apparently they just fucking, they just started giving her like really shitty parts and not writing her in too much because she started getting an attitude. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That happens. | ||
| It's a Charlie Sheen situation, man. | ||
| Look what they've done with him. | ||
| They cut off the last four seasons, the last four episodes of the season. | ||
| They stopped filming. | ||
| That's going to cost Charlie $8 million. | ||
| And it's going to cost them a fuckload of money, too, because they've already sold the advertising for those. | ||
| They've already committed to selling them for syndication. | ||
| It's a syndicated show. | ||
| That's a big loss for them. | ||
| They're hoping that Charlie pulls it together, and then by the time it goes around next year, they can add four to next year and make up for what they owe. | ||
| So this is basically like for the corporations, this is the same thing as when like a Roman emperor had a favorite gladiator. | ||
| And the people loved the gladiator, but he got a big head and started going a little crazy. | ||
| That's what this is. | ||
| Their little puppet is kind of like misfiring a little bit. | ||
| Well, you can't have a successful show without someone being a star. | ||
| They become a star. | ||
| Whether they were a star at first, like Charlie was already, or whether they become one like Brett Butler or Chris Titus or anybody else. | ||
| When you get on a show, that's what happens. | ||
| You get a successful show and all of a sudden this one person, you really do fucking need that one person more than everyone else. | ||
| And that is a mindfuck. | ||
| That's a mindfuck, especially for actors, because for a giant chunk of their life, not necessarily with Charlie Sheen, he was pretty much instantly successful, but for most actors, it's a long series of failures and disappointments and rejections, and then finally you make it with something, and you have a fucking chip on your shoulder for all those people that caused you pain. | ||
| I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with famous dudes that we'll talk about still to this day, about horrible fucking casting sessions that they had, horrible... | ||
| You know, auditions where it went wrong and, you know, all the scuffling around and all the humiliating auditions that they had to go on. | ||
| You know, it's like fucking, you know, people, they get in there and they, you know, they become famous and they just want to get back at all those people that hurt them all that time. | ||
| It's like they needed all that exorbitant amount of attention. | ||
| They needed to be fucking special and everyone was saying, no, you're not. | ||
| No, you're not. | ||
| No, you're not. | ||
| No, you're normal. | ||
| No, you're not good enough. | ||
| No, fuck you. | ||
| And then finally you become famous and you're like, yes, I I am! | ||
| It's like this bounce back. | ||
| The other direction is so enormous because of how much is pushing them down in the beginning, you know, how they feel. | ||
| Well, you know, man, when you run into an actor or a comedian or anybody who seems proud of themselves, it's automatically so disappointing because it's like, oh, you think... | ||
| You're the thing that's making this. | ||
| You really think you're responsible. | ||
| And that's the most... | ||
| It's like a radio thinking that it's awesome for playing a song. | ||
| Or a volcano thinking it's awesome for the lava that comes spraying out of it. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Yeah, you're kind of like... | ||
| You're a conduit. | ||
| You're a conduit. | ||
| You're not the fucking thing, man. | ||
| That sounds ridiculous to people that don't create things, though. | ||
| If you talk to a person who's not creative, doesn't write a lot or perform a lot, they really don't have any idea what you're talking about. | ||
| And most people out there, they don't make a living being creative. | ||
| A lot of people never achieve that zen state where whatever you've gotten good at it, whether it's art or music or Even dance, they say that. | ||
| And martial arts, they say that. | ||
| Anything you get really good at, you get into this sort of zone where it's no longer you. | ||
| It's like you've practiced it enough to the point where you can become subconscious. | ||
| And then once you do it, it's like you're just tuning in. | ||
| You're tuning in to whatever the fuck it is out there that makes things awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people don't understand that. | ||
| They don't do it. | ||
| It sounds like such an ethereal, ridiculous notion, but it's so widely accepted. | ||
| You know, the concept of the muse, you know, it's so widely accepted that you're getting these ideas from somewhere else. | ||
| That's what I mean when you say, you know, I'm trying to pretend I'm not special. | ||
| I'm trying to pretend I'm not a freaking rock star from Mars. | ||
| When he says shit like that, that is the exact opposite of the true creative mindset. | ||
| You cannot tune in to the greatness of the universe if you really believe that. | ||
| Unless it's performance art. | ||
| And then it's fucking brilliant. | ||
| If he's really doing his own Coen Brothers movie. | ||
| I don't know how many times... | ||
| I've watched an asshole on TV and in the back of my head thought, if this was performance art, this would be the greatest artist of all time. | ||
| You know, performance art turns everything into... | ||
| Yeah, but aren't you guys more skeptical when you see people like Brody Stevens, where the normal person will see Brody Stevens and go, well, that person is just fucking crazy and angry mad, but then you talk to him backstage and you're like, oh, I get it. | ||
| He is being almost like a character of himself. | ||
| No, Brody's so obviously a character, dude. | ||
| It's so obvious he's on stage. | ||
| No, most people that think Most people that see Brody think that that's him. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's a big difference between Brody Stevens and Charlie Sheen. | ||
| There's a huge difference between how they're doing it and so obvious. | ||
| Yeah, one of them is fucking funny. | ||
| Brody's telling jokes, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I mean Brody. | |
| Yeah, Brody's going, I was over there in Iraq. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| I was there. | ||
| I was in Desert Storm. | ||
| Yeah, I was an Iraqi soldier, but that's neither here or there. | ||
| It's really obvious he's joking. | ||
| It's really obvious. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| The redneck comic this night. | ||
| You know, that's the whole character. | ||
| The big guy that's on the tour. | ||
| Get Her Done? | ||
| Yeah, Get Her Done guy. | ||
| That guy is a complete character. | ||
| But most people think that's exactly him. | ||
| I thought it was him. | ||
| Right, but that's just a good character, dude. | ||
| There's a difference between that and an angry person. | ||
| An angry, crazy person. | ||
| He's not acting crazy. | ||
| He's just being a character. | ||
| Yeah, he's funny, man. | ||
| Brody is like... | ||
| Brody's someone where no matter what's happening, if you're around him, something funny is happening. | ||
| He has a constant gravity of absurd, hilarious things happening. | ||
| Either things that he's making happen or just stuff that happens. | ||
| Yeah, I don't just think of him as being this... | ||
| It's not like watching an asshole and saying, is this guy faking it? | ||
| It's like it's obvious he's faking it. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's fun to watch. | ||
| When you watch something like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and you see fucking Kelsey Grammer's ex-wife, holy shit! | ||
| What a... | ||
| Reprehensible human being. | ||
| What a lizard person. | ||
| What a just a creepy, manipulative, nasty little dried up hooker. | ||
| Holy shit, she scares me. | ||
| Yeah, like almost like a demon. | ||
| Like almost like some low level demon. | ||
| Like in the upper echelons of hell. | ||
| Just like some nasty... | ||
| Death worm. | ||
| And she goes on Howard Stern and starts talking shit about Kelsey Grammer. | ||
| Meanwhile, you were married to him for how long? | ||
| You have children with him? | ||
| And your children are going to hear you talking shit about him? | ||
| You're going to go on the Stern show just so you can get some press for your fucking shitty Beverly Hills housewife thing? | ||
| And you're going to sacrifice all these years of this relationship, the intimacy that you guys shared? | ||
| You're just going to blurt that out? | ||
| Like, you're a piece of shit! | ||
| You're not a 20-year-old girl that's making a mistake. | ||
| You're some 40-year-old hooker that's cashing in her chips and talking about how she wants more. | ||
| I want all this money. | ||
| I want this. | ||
| He left me. | ||
| He left me. | ||
| What did they have to deal with while he was with you, you fucking monster? | ||
| That's a price you pay, man, for all those people. | ||
| I did Us Magazine. | ||
| Me and Chris McGuire, we used to do these things where you look at the way people are dressed and you write things about it. | ||
| You write little quotes about it. | ||
| I'll never forget this one guy. | ||
| It was Kelsey Grammer standing there with Camille when she was in her prime. | ||
| It's when she was a Playboy Playmate. | ||
| She was way too hot for him. | ||
| And the quote underneath it said, it's a story as old as time. | ||
| That's all the guy said, whoever the writer was that said that. | ||
| And I was like, bingo. | ||
| He just nailed it. | ||
| You don't even have to pretend. | ||
| Here's this ugly, goofy-looking fuck who just happens to be rich and famous. | ||
| And he's with this vapid, super hottie. | ||
| You know, ba-bang! | ||
| There it is! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ta-da! | |
| And he's so happy with himself. | ||
| And he will go and do these interviews and talk about how much he loves her and how amazing it is. | ||
| And she completes him. | ||
| Then he leaves her for a flight attendant. | ||
| I mean, it's fucking great stuff. | ||
| If she was doing performance art, if she was faking it, you know, it would be absolutely brilliant. | ||
| But she's not. | ||
| There's no way she's that good an actress. | ||
| She would have been fucking Oscar-runner by now. | ||
| She wouldn't be some 40-year-old lady with a bunch of 20-year-old boyfriends and she flaunts on the show. | ||
| Before she was even divorced on the show, I can't believe I'm talking about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but I get sucked in. | ||
| Before she was even divorced with them, she was hanging out with all these young guys that were her friends. | ||
| And that drives me fantastic. | ||
| We're fucking bananas. | ||
| I have friends that have girlfriends that have guy friends, and they'll go and pal around with these guy friends. | ||
| And I'm like, yo, dude, you need to fucking nip this shit right in the butt. | ||
| Your girlfriend is hot, and she's hanging around with a bunch of guys that she's been pals with since she moved here to Hollywood two years ago, whatever. | ||
| They want to fuck her, for sure. | ||
| She might want to be their friend. | ||
| She might think there's somehow or another to keep this platonic. | ||
| But any of those. | ||
| Weird, creepy situations where you got a girl with a bunch of guy friends. | ||
| They all want to fuck her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| Have you ever had a girl that was hot that you were friends with and you weren't somehow or another trying to think, how am I going to get to fuck her? | ||
| How am I going to get to move this into us having sex? | ||
| My mother. | ||
| I never once thought that about her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Duncan. | |
| Sorry. | ||
| It's a bad joke. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Duncan just went straight red balance. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Let's break this up real quick while we're here because I'm glad you're here because I wanted to talk to you about this. | ||
| There's a Cornell study that was just put online. | ||
| A lot of people are debating what exactly this means. | ||
| But what they're saying is that there's an error in the orbit of the moon. | ||
| There's an eccentricity in the orbit of the moon that they think would be... | ||
| What are you doing over there, fella? | ||
| Toothpicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| There's an error in the orbit of the moon that they believe is going to be... | ||
| They believe you can... | ||
| Listen to me, stubborn fucking shit brain from 12 hours in a fucking airplane. | ||
| I'm tired of pretending I'm not delivering the freaking goods at every turn. | ||
| What they're saying is there's something wrong with the orbit of the moon that can be attributed to a large extra solar system planet. | ||
| They're thinking there's something out there that's It's much, much bigger than Jupiter, about four times the size of Jupiter. | ||
| And this is just one of several things that I've been following over the last couple of months where there's a bunch of different studies that are talking about this Planet X thing. | ||
| But apparently, they're really close to saying that there is something beyond Neptune, beyond, you know, Pluto's not real anymore, but something out there, like way out there, that's four times the size of Jupiter. | ||
| Some enormous fucking planet. | ||
| How would we not have seen that? | ||
| How have we missed it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a big question. | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| It might be just so fucking far out there. | ||
| It might be really cold, so we can't see it. | ||
| They're thinking that this thing is, by calling it inside our solar system, I think what they're saying is that it's further away from Pluto than Pluto is from us, but yet it's still in some sort of an orbit. | ||
| And it's huge, and it's way out there. | ||
| So this is like, this is the Planet X, Nibiru thing everyone talks about? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| And what's the idea? | ||
| That it smashes into us every certain amount of time? | ||
| Well, it depends on who you're asking. | ||
| I mean, you know, if you talk to the people that believe that, you know, Earth was created this way, and, you know, it's actually detailed, according to Zacharias Hitchin in the Sumerian text, what they think is that somehow or another this extrasolar planet or this planet is on an elliptical orbit, rather. | ||
| And it takes 3,600 years to come into line with Earth. | ||
| And it comes near us and fucks everything up. | ||
| And then the Anunnaki jump off and they leap off their boat onto our boat and go, hey, what's going on over here? | ||
| And then they come check us out and make us slaves for a little bit, make us mine for gold and erase our memories and fly back into space. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what the fuck they exactly think, but... | ||
| You know, when you look at, you know, the really interesting shit about what they figured out was that they already knew back then, according to Zachariah Sitchin, that Earth had been hit by a large planet. | ||
| And that's what created the moon. | ||
| We didn't know that until, like, fairly recently. | ||
| That's, like, one of the most recent theories. | ||
| There's Earth 1 and Earth 2. And Earth 1 was hit by something like the size of fucking Mars, some enormous planet. | ||
| And it also created the asteroid belt. | ||
| That's another theory about that. | ||
| There's a giant... | ||
| This is another thing I read. | ||
| I need to find out if this is true or not. | ||
| But that Bode's Law is a law that you look at the gravity of one planet and you can extrapolate where the next planet will be based on how dense the planet is and what the gravity of it is and what the mass of it is. | ||
| And it works on every planet in our solar system except for Mars and Jupiter. | ||
| There should be a planet in between there. | ||
| And that's where the asteroid belt is. | ||
| So the idea is that, you know, something was there, collided. | ||
| What's the reason why there's not a planet there? | ||
| Did they have any idea? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| I mean, look, there's a bunch of theories about why the asteroid belt exists, you know, and one of them being that it's like some of the fabric of the very solar system. | ||
| That it's just like, you know, from the forming of the solar system, this is like, you know, some just leftover shit that's there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then the other one is that it's, you know, a planet got fucking nailed and just destroyed and became this gigantic belt of rocks and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I believe that. | |
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| The idea that planets, we know this for a fact, that not only do planets slam into each other, but galaxies slam into each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They hit each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Sure. | ||
| Fucking A, man. | ||
| Could you imagine you look up in the sky and every day this star just keeps getting brighter? | ||
| And you're some asshole caveman. | ||
| You have no idea what the fuck is really going on. | ||
| And this thing is coming down and it's going to slam into the moon and kill everybody. | ||
| There's a lot of theories about the solar system that are really odd. | ||
| And some of them are that some of the planets that exist now weren't there before, like Saturn. | ||
| That Saturn is a fairly recent occurrence in the solar system. | ||
| I mean, it sounds like total complete horseshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where did it come from? | |
| Star explosion or something? | ||
| Well, you know, the idea on planets that, you know, like rogue planets, I guess they get sucked in. | ||
| They come from somewhere else and they get sucked into our solar system and get sucked into our gravity or any other solar system's gravity. | ||
| And there's an interesting thing about this Pluto, this planet that's outside of Pluto, is that they're saying the gravity of this thing, one of the reasons why they figured out that there's something huge out there, the gravity of this thing is hurling comets in our direction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weird. | |
| It's fucking weird, man. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| The thing that freaks me out is the, what are they called, pulsars? | ||
| Or they say a star close enough could have a super pulse that just flashes. | ||
| Hypernova. | ||
| Hypernova. | ||
| And we're just dead instantly. | ||
| You're just driving home and suddenly the sky turns purple. | ||
| Yeah, but you drive home and a semi hits you. | ||
| You're just dead. | ||
| Same shit. | ||
| It's kind of different. | ||
| No, you'd both die. | ||
| Both things. | ||
| Getting killed by a semi and a supernova. | ||
| It's a little different. | ||
| Well, for you, if you're a selfish cunt who doesn't think about the whole rest of the world, yes, it's the same thing, Brian. | ||
| And this is just like the whole world? | ||
| It's just like me taking pills. | ||
| The world will die right now. | ||
| I'm going to listen to some fucking Pixies music. | ||
| Yeah, you might not know the difference, or you might. | ||
| Did you see that new LCD screen that Microsoft announced the other day? | ||
| They showed what's in their labs right now, what they're working on, what the future of LCD screens on. | ||
| It's called a... | ||
| Steerable auto stereo 3D display. | ||
| And what's cool is it's pretty much like a Surface. | ||
| And you can see the Surface. | ||
| So imagine like an iPad on a table, but really big. | ||
| Kind of like their Microsoft Surface. | ||
| I've seen Surface. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But now you can grab things and it knows how the distance up and down is. | ||
| And you can do like 3D kind of just like the future when you see in the movies where they're like pulling up displays and tapping things and stuff like that. | ||
| And they have this really cool video. | ||
| The name of the video is called Applied Sciences Group Smart Interactive Displays Microsoft. | ||
| Great name. | ||
| Yeah, I'll tweet it. | ||
| And what's so cool about it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just the future of surfing the internet. | |
| Pretty soon you're just going to be like this. | ||
| You're going to take your hand, grab a browser, just sit there and play with it. | ||
| Air. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you're going to be able to just move things around. | ||
| It's kind of like Kinect for Microsoft. | ||
| It's interactive surfaces. | ||
| Everything's going to become an interactive surface no matter what it is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You won't be able to sell shit unless it's got some access to the internet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Like this table, everything. | ||
| But what's cool is the depth of it. | ||
| And they also, in the same video, they were showing the future of 3D where it's... | ||
| Flashing these lights at your face so fast that you can't even tell. | ||
| So it will give you 3D images without the glasses, of course. | ||
| But it shows how they do it. | ||
| He goes into it and explains and shows how it works and stuff. | ||
| It's a pretty interesting video. | ||
| I'll post it right now. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's trippy shit. | ||
| This planet thing is really fucking freaking me out, man. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| A lot of this stuff... | ||
| Something that I think about all the time is like... | ||
| How much are we affected by the solar flares in, like, a sociological way? | ||
| And it's such a crazy idea, but... | ||
| Well, it's not if you consider that the moon's orbit affects people's behavior. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, say there's no statistics to back up, you know, like that there's more activity during lunar, you know, lunar events. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Isn't that true? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's no statistics to back that up. | ||
| Isn't that true? | ||
| I... Because cops always swear by it. | ||
| Yeah, no, I think there are, I've heard, I don't know, I never really investigated them, but I always thought that was true. | ||
| If they can figure out that there's a planet deep, deep somewhere in our galaxy that they don't know about just from the effect that it has on the moon's gravitational field, then that means it must be having an effect on us, too. | ||
| Like, if it's literally like some planet far away is so powerful that it's altering the moon a little bit, then that same minor pull would be affecting us, too. | ||
| Maybe the storms, maybe the weather. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| It certainly does. | ||
| Look at what sun does, just lack of vitamin D. We know it actually makes something in your body. | ||
| It actually causes a vitamin to be produced by your body that makes you happy, that aids in your happiness and your health. | ||
| When you don't get that all the time, for long periods of time, people get sick and depressed. | ||
| It's called seasonal affective disorder. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's seasonal if you're in a place where that is a seasonal event. | ||
| Like in Boston. | ||
| In Boston, during the winter, people do get depressed. | ||
| And that's why. | ||
| It's called... | ||
| It's vitamin D deficiencies. | ||
| It's a lot of it. | ||
| But it's also just fucking dreary. | ||
| Yeah, that's why they have the sunlight lamps that are supposed to help. | ||
| Did you know it snowed in Burbank? | ||
| Did it? | ||
| Like huge chunks of snow fell from the ground two days ago. | ||
| Hail or snow? | ||
| Well, it wasn't hail because hail is usually hard, but it seemed like really wet snow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But it covered the whole roads and stuff like that. | ||
| Were you driving? | ||
| No, it was really early in the morning. | ||
| And then it melted super quick. | ||
| But, I mean, it snowed all day. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And a couple of websites here I'm looking at when it comes to the moon. | ||
| And one of them is saying that the claims of a correlation between lunar phases to human behavior does not hold up under scientific scrutiny. | ||
| So they're saying that there's no connection. | ||
| But then other people are saying that there is a connection. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| Other people think that it's really difficult to quantify. | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| If it really is a psycho, how do you know whether or not it's actually caught? | ||
| I guess you should be able to see just by hospital reports and police records. | ||
| Shouldn't you be able to see? | ||
| I would imagine so. | ||
| I mean, even if it's a little bit of a difference, like a 1% difference, you should be able to see. | ||
| Yeah, but maybe that's just small enough that it's the rate of inaccuracy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This test is only 99% accurate, so it's kind of like the... | |
| Yeah, this one site is saying, despite the fact that no evidence of a significant correlation between phases of the moon, the menstrual cycle, and fertility exists, some people not only maintain that there is, but have a scientific explanation for the non-existent correlation. | ||
| It could be that just people want to believe it. | ||
| Or it could be just like people would go nutty because back in the day it was like bright outside at night. | ||
| Whereas before you had to watch where the fuck you walked and it was super dark out. | ||
| You know, like a couple of times a year or a couple of times a month rather, you know, for a few days you get a giant spotlight in the sky. | ||
| So you could walk around at night. | ||
| And probably people did nuttier shit back then. | ||
| But if the moon affects the tides, it's powerful enough to make tides come in and tides go out, I could totally see how it would affect whatever weird oceans in your brain, whatever quantum oceans floating around up there. | ||
| I'm sure it affects that. | ||
| Yeah, there's that question, right? | ||
| It's like, how much of you is the chemical reactions that's going in your body and how much of that can you manipulate? | ||
| How much of that can you manipulate with exercise to maintain your hormone levels and for Drinking water to maintain your hydration. | ||
| How much of you is a bunch of these chemical reactions? | ||
| Your personality, how much of that is dictated by what you're taking into your body? | ||
| It's got to be a percentage. | ||
| That's a much bigger percentage than the fucking moon. | ||
| Well, one thing's for certain. | ||
| If you are in pain, you're going to probably be an asshole to the people around you in some way. | ||
| If you're fucking hurting... | ||
| You know the old classic, when you walk into the dishwasher with your shin and somebody's nearby and says anything to you, like, are you okay? | ||
| I'm fucking fine! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm fine! | |
| Because it hurts so bad. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So if you're in pain, if you feel like shit, in whatever way you feel like shit, for whatever reason, you're probably treating the people around you like shit. | ||
| You know the opposite of it? | ||
| Take ecstasy and sit next to the stupidest person on the planet. | ||
| You feel so good. | ||
| You're like, I love you. | ||
| You really are amazing, man. | ||
| You really are. | ||
| Your ideas are good. | ||
| Okay, but that's not good, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Is it good to be in wonder of everyone, even retards? | ||
| Or is it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You think? | ||
| I think it's whenever you get around that kind of energy coming from someone or for whatever reason when you run into someone really smart, you get the sense that they've managed to turn the judgment thing off on their computer and they just like you just because you're having this bizarre experience on the planet with them and they kind of get it. | ||
| That's one of the most healing things. | ||
| I used to, at one point in my life, when someone would be judging me, and I would know they would be judging me, I would feel insecure, I would get upset, I would get like, wow, you know, like, man, maybe I'm a loser. | ||
| But if I felt like I was being unfairly scrutinized, I would just think it was, I'm just obviously, I'm a loser, I'm losing at this, whatever this is right now, and this person doesn't like me. | ||
| Now, I have a completely different effect. | ||
| Now, when I feel like someone's judging me or someone's being hypercritical or shitty to me, I'm like, why are you being a cunt? | ||
| Because I'm nice. | ||
| I try to be nice to everybody. | ||
| There's no reason why this has to be a douchey conversation. | ||
| If it's douchey, you're the one who's starting the douchiness. | ||
| And I think for a lot of people, man, that's one of the biggest things they worry about in life is getting judged and criticized and shit on. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| And especially if you're a kid and you're around someone with a powerful personality who's like decided that you're bad. | ||
| Decided you're a loser. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep you down. | |
| It draws that out of you. | ||
| It's like we're talking about the gravity of the planet. | ||
| It's like if someone's judging you, there's a gravity that they're exerting on you that can lead you into being the thing that they think you are. | ||
| It's like what's that bizarre idea where it's the observer's effect when you're looking at an An atom or an electron or a photon, I think it is. | ||
| That weird thing where at the quantum level, things seem to go in the direction of the way you expect them to. | ||
| They seem to be where you're looking. | ||
| It's affected by you viewing them. | ||
| That, that. | ||
| I don't know the name for that. | ||
| I probably just butchered it. | ||
| What I'm saying is I think that that... | ||
| It can happen when you're around someone who has a firm belief that you suck. | ||
| You can suddenly, it'll start drawing out of you the shitty behavior because it's like it will start blossoming out of you and it fucking sucks. | ||
| In the same way, if you're around somebody who really sees you and sees how cool you are, then all of a sudden you're funnier. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because they're drawing the positive out of you. | ||
| Well, when you first start dating a girl and she really likes you and she's really new, how funny are you? | ||
| The funniest. | ||
| The funniest. | ||
| You're hilarious. | ||
| Every time you go to the movie, you have the wittiest shit to say. | ||
| You go out to dinner, you have the funniest thing to say. | ||
| I mean, this is where so many guys I know that started out doing stand-up comedy, the reason why they got funny was to make girls laugh. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| They started out trying to be the most charming and fun guy in the beginning of the relationship when you first meet each other. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think I'm way funnier when I'm broken, though. | ||
| I'm miserable. | ||
| I don't know when I'm happy. | ||
| I'm being nice and funny to that person. | ||
| But when I'm miserable, I fucking think of evil, deep, dark, crazy shit, it seems like to me. | ||
| But imagine when you're around someone who you know thinks that you are a fucking asshole. | ||
| Who you know thinks that you're a moron. | ||
| And you're around them? | ||
| Well, I think Brian's just talking about performing on stage. | ||
| You're kind of going off in a different direction, but I know what you're saying. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean, that was Kinnison's whole thing. | ||
| I mean, Kinnison became really funny because of pain. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, because of, you know, I was married for two fucking years! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was! | |
| Wow! | ||
| Look at his face! | ||
| You know? | ||
| Does this look like a man that's happy? | ||
| All that shit was his, you know, that wasn't him happy. | ||
| That wasn't, you know, beautiful life and everyone being cool to you. | ||
| Well, see, here's the thing, man. | ||
| This idea of happiness, we were just talking about it on my podcast and someone's like, why are you obsessed with being happy? | ||
| Being happy is not what life's about. | ||
| It's not about getting, it's not about, you know, oh, I feel good today. | ||
| Who said that? | ||
| It was, um, they made a really good point because, um, Happiness and sadness are two sides of the same thing that if you pay too much attention to them, you'll begin to get caught up in chaos and randomness. | ||
| In the Bhagavad Gita, there's this great verse that says,"...a wise man is not disturbed." By either happiness or sadness. | ||
| Your mind does not shift according to your mood states. | ||
| You're not plugging into the chemicals that are making you feel stressed out or making you feel happy. | ||
| You're above it. | ||
| You're transcendent. | ||
| You've transcended it. | ||
| And that's what I think happiness would be. | ||
| As opposed to the other kind of happiness, which you were saying, isn't that bad? | ||
| which is the ecstasy happiness or the kind of like happiness that comes when Charlie Sheen does a line of blow or the kind of hat that kind of happiness induces them allegedly allegedly I don't think he's really on cocaine at all I don't think it's on any drugs except Charlie Sheen which is apparently the name of some new kind of meth it's probably just a new method they invented we'll call this Sheen but I I think that | ||
| So that's my idea of happiness, is not to get caught up in the mood states. | ||
| Because you're going to feel like shit on this planet. | ||
| You have to feel like, you will feel like shit. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because everyone you know is going to die. | ||
| And if they don't, it's because you died before them. | ||
| And when someone dies, it sucks. | ||
| Right, but that's just when someone dies. | ||
| I think a lot of people think that your everyday life has to be filled with shit. | ||
| That's part of being a human. | ||
| You're saying that happiness is somehow or another transcending above emotions. | ||
| I don't think it is. | ||
| I think my personal happiness has been fun. | ||
| It's been laughter, having a good time, hanging out with friends, laughing with friends, laughing, doing shows, laughing on stage. | ||
| That's real happiness. | ||
| So is happiness possible? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you've got to be around a bunch of other people that also commit to the same ideas. | ||
| You have to be around a bunch of other really fun, happy people. | ||
| It's very difficult to go in on your own. | ||
| The only way you can is if somehow or another you attract people as you're going in on your own and you're committed to a life of happiness that also kind of like catch into your vibe and then pick up what you're doing and do the same thing. | ||
| And then you gravitate more people. | ||
| But you can do it. | ||
| And I don't think it has to be that you have to be above happiness and... | ||
| It's like my concept of guerrilla Buddhism. | ||
| I told you this before. | ||
| People always say that to be truly happy, you cannot be attached to objects and you should transcend objects and material possessions. | ||
| I say, horseshit. | ||
| I say, material possessions are fucking awesome. | ||
| Some cars are badass. | ||
| It's cool to drive. | ||
| TVs are awesome to own. | ||
| Stereos are great to listen to. | ||
| It's cool to eat a good meal. | ||
| It's nice to live in a house that's cool to look at. | ||
| These are They're all good things. | ||
| The problem is, for most people, you become so attached to them because they're so difficult to attain. | ||
| So the true way of enlightenment isn't to just be without any possessions. | ||
| The true way is to get to a point where you don't worry about the possessions, but you appreciate them when they're there. | ||
| It's not that you become completely attached to them. | ||
| But the only way to really do that, I think, is to make enough money so that it's not that big a deal. | ||
| If someone steals your car, you can just get another car. | ||
| But the thing people like about possessions... | ||
| It's not the possession. | ||
| The thing people like is the way the possession makes them feel. | ||
| The feeling state that is induced from the thing. | ||
| People like feeling in love and people begin to associate I think that there's a place... | ||
| Maybe it's legendary and I shouldn't even believe in it, but a lot of the saints and a lot of gurus and a lot of people who seem very advanced seem to point to a place that is not dependent on being triggered by things in the material universe. | ||
| In other words, the feeling that you get from amazing stuff is a pre-existing feeling inside of you. | ||
| You already have that inside of you and you're letting stuff be the excuse to feel that way. | ||
| Whereas the idea is you can pop into a state where you're always experiencing that type of excitement and pleasure that you've limited to, if I get a great job, if I get a nice house, if I book some other thing again, or if I get a brand new car, if I get the new Mac. | ||
| I'm going to feel great. | ||
| It's like that old Buddha quote, enlightenment is possible in this lifetime. | ||
| Yes, that's exactly right. | ||
| Can't it be both? | ||
| Can't you have a badass car and still try to be enlightened? | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Well, that's the thing, man. | ||
| I think there's something negative about eschewing those things. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| I think it's retarded because then you get fucking people who are lying to themselves and pretending to be a certain way. | ||
| How many people drive a Prius just for the social crisis? | ||
| I'm an environmentalist! | ||
| I'm an environmentalist! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love the Earth! | |
| I love this sweet Earth! | ||
| I think a lot of people buy it just for the mileage. | ||
| I'm down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seriously. | |
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| I mean, it's $4 today. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| Brad Pitt doesn't, okay? | ||
| No, people, here's the thing. | ||
| People want to put off meditating or experimenting with different forms of spirituality until they're good, until they feel like they're perfect. | ||
| They want to approach, they're like, you know, I'm going to be happy soon, but let me get rid of this other shit first. | ||
| I've got to take care of this stuff. | ||
| That's not it. | ||
| The idea is you approach understanding yourself and the universe and your connection to the universe not from a place where you think you're going to be, but from where you are right now is some filthy, filthy thing. | ||
| No matter what, if you haven't really meditated a lot, the chances are you're absorbed in some... | ||
| If you're on Earth, you're absorbed in some really stupid, crazy shit. | ||
| And if you wait till you're better balanced to start meditating, you're not. | ||
| You're never going to meditate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You're never going to get into just from exactly where you're at as a fucking sex crazed beast or an alcoholic or with seven heroin needles falling out of your arm. | ||
| Approach it from that place. | ||
| And that's where you start getting really cool results, man. | ||
| When you come at it from where you're at. | ||
| Well, it's like everything else. | ||
| You just have to do it. | ||
| It's like, well, I'm going to start exercising soon. | ||
| I'm going to quit smoking soon. | ||
| I'm going to do this soon. | ||
| Just start doing it. | ||
| It's the same thing as everything else. | ||
| You have to somehow or another trigger that action in your brain to force your body to move in the direction of whatever the fuck it is you need to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hopefully we can hack our brains in the future where we know exactly what to do to motivate them. | |
| I don't want to be the first, though, because there's a bunch of dudes that are going to turn gay because they try to get smarter. | ||
| Because for sure that's going to happen, man. | ||
| They're going to fucking stab the wrong part of your cortex and you're just like, yummy cock. | ||
| Why does cock seem so yummy? | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| Coming to? | ||
| You come to from your operation and you're like, oh. | ||
| You just want to get. | ||
| Oh, you look at the doctor. | ||
| God damn, he's hot. | ||
| Yummy, yummy cock. | ||
| You can't stop saying. | ||
| What if like you could live forever, but for whatever reason, like every couple minutes you just start going, yummy cock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yummy, yummy. | |
| You can't even help it. | ||
| You're on a date, you know, having some meat. | ||
| Well, you know, I've gone to a few plays lately, Yummy Cock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, the interviews, you know one of the great things about being immortal is just the Yummy Cock. | ||
| He's immortal, but it's messy. | ||
| Well, I don't know, man. | ||
| It's easily possible that they could fuck up the first couple of times to try to rewire the brain and just create psychopaths. | ||
| Listen, I love the idea of going to the gym and putting my brain in the same place where the kids play while my body goes and works out. | ||
| That would be the fucking best. | ||
| Do you think that if there was a place where you could go where you could go and just lie down in a machine and the body would be forced to do all this work without you ever having to exert effort mentally, you would be down with that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'd do it. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| But you would miss out the whole thing. | ||
| The whole thing is developing the character to push through the hard workout, which elevates your human potential. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Or get really good at StarCraft while your body's working. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Let your body do the hard part. | ||
| But that's how you develop character, though. | ||
| I mean, that's a big way. | ||
| There's something that's definitely to be learned from separating your body and your mind and forcing your body to work for your mind. | ||
| When your body's struggling, your body wants to quit, and you go, shut up, bitch, keep going. | ||
| And then when it's over, you're like, wow, I did it. | ||
| I got through it. | ||
| This is a tough struggle. | ||
| Because when you're doing like, you ever do bodyweight squats? | ||
| You know what they are? | ||
| Hindu squats? | ||
| Yeah, I think I tried squats once. | ||
| Well, it's very easy to do one, you know? | ||
| Anybody can go down on your, you know, put your ass to the back of your ankles and then stand back up again. | ||
| It's not hard. | ||
| Very few people can do 500. And it's one of those things where when you start doing it, you get into it, you do like 25 and then you're like, holy shit, 26, 27, the lactic burn. | ||
| You know, the muscle burn in your legs. | ||
| It starts getting pretty intense. | ||
| But it's not a difficult thing to do. | ||
| It's not difficult to just stand up. | ||
| So in your mind, it's very hard to accept that when should I stop? | ||
| Should I stop now? | ||
| I can't do another one. | ||
| You can't stand up? | ||
| You really can't stand up one more time just with your own body weight? | ||
| So you have to like figure out how to order your brain to work for you and push through it. | ||
| And sometimes for like a couple of minutes you'll be in agony taking big deep breaths and then push out another one and go down and big deep breaths. | ||
| When do you want to quit? | ||
| Well you want to quit at like 25 or 26 when it starts getting a little bit difficult. | ||
| Your brain starts going, alright, let's stop, let's stop, let's stop. | ||
| Your body's going, I'm sending you these signals, this shit is not fun, let's cut it off. | ||
| And then you have to figure out a way to manage that and balance that. | ||
| And once you do, once you do have the ability to push yourself through brutal workouts, push yourself through like jiu-jitsu class and kickboxing class and stuff like that, when you develop a character, you develop something, you develop a control over your body that the average person doesn't have. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like those fucking guys who can do those divers, free divers, that, I respect the shit out of that. | ||
| I think it's a crazy thing, but some of those guys who can go underwater for like seven minutes. | ||
| Oh, that's crazy, man. | ||
| That's one of my favorite things to watch. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| How do you do that? | ||
| Power over your body, using your mind and your willpower to control your body. | ||
| I mean, it takes a long time for them to get up to that amount of weight in your breath. | ||
| But God, man, perfect example. | ||
| Every second you want to quit, every goddamn second, your body is sending signals like, enough, enough, enough, let's get some air! | ||
| When I was in Hawaii, stoned out of my mind from drinking pot tincture, we went snorkeling. | ||
| And there was our group snorkeling. | ||
| And then I realized there was a guy with a snorkel who wasn't in our group. | ||
| And there's no boat anywhere to be seen. | ||
| And, like, land is far the fuck away. | ||
| And this guy's swimming around and, like, we're all snorkeling. | ||
| He goes under. | ||
| And I'm watching him go... | ||
| Way, way, way, way, way down. | ||
| And he's staying down there. | ||
| And he knows we're watching him. | ||
| And he's staying down there for an impossibly long time. | ||
| And I'm like, it went from eating like, wow, that guy's great to like, my heart started beating because I was like, oh, fuck, I think this guy's drowning. | ||
| Like, I think this guy's going to die. | ||
| He turns over on his back. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And his arms go out loose and limp. | ||
| And his body starts floating up to the surface. | ||
| And then he just smiles and waves at us. | ||
| He was faking drowning. | ||
| Because he could just hold his breath so fucking long. | ||
| And I guess one of the things he liked to do in Hawaii was to snorkel out to the groups and make them think that he had drowned. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| So he practices his free diving by freaking people out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Because I really thought he was under so impossibly long. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I would love to be able to do that. | ||
| That would be so amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's pretty awesome, man. | |
| You must have the most healthy lungs to be able to do that. | ||
| That guy's probably never even had secondhand smoke. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it's something you build up to. | ||
| I think it's something just like everything else. | ||
| The only way you can do 500 bodyweight squats is you've got to start off with 25 and work your way up to 500. I think they just developed the ability to hold their breath. | ||
| I know Egan Inoue, who is an MMA fighter. | ||
| Him and his brother Ensign are pretty famous pioneers and his brother Egan is famous for being a freediver. | ||
| I think he won some sort of crazy title. | ||
| I think at one point in time he held his breath longer than anybody else. | ||
| Maybe SEALs and shit train you to do that. | ||
| It's part of boot camp, probably. | ||
| I would imagine, you know? | ||
| Dude, I told you about my friend Eric, Eric Crisp, the guy who went to, he makes pool cues, makes these badass pool cues. | ||
| He's in the military, and he had tried out for the SEALs, and one of the things they make you do, I believe it was the SEALs, it might have been one of the special forces, one of the other groups like that, they make you drown. | ||
| Like, you literally go underwater until bubbles come up, and then your team has to rescue you. | ||
| So you have to trust in them to bring you back to life. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Like, you go unconscious, you drown, they pull you out before your body's totally dead, they pump the water out of you, they give you CPR, and then they bring you back to life. | ||
| And that's when he was like, I tap, I'm done. | ||
| That's enough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck this. | |
| Yeah, he's like, I can stay up for days and go running through the woods, but I'm not gonna let you drown me. | ||
| Have you seen that video on the internet? | ||
| There's a video on the internet of an artist doing that, drowning himself in his bathtub. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And then someone brings him back to life? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He puts a fucking concrete block on his chest in his bathtub. | ||
| Drowns. | ||
| Because basically when you suck in water, there's a reaction I think your body has where it automatically knocks you unconscious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| So yeah, he knew he would go out and his friend had to resuscitate him. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Did you find it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think look up performance artist drown self and bathtub. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| Like I'm telling you out of Google, we're both internet junkies. | ||
| Go to the Google website and type... | ||
| I prefer Bing. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Drowned alive. | ||
| Performance art performance stunt. | ||
| Talentless self-indulgence taking the stage. | ||
| Yeah, this is... | ||
| Yeah, you piss people off. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people are upset at him. | ||
| Talentless. | ||
| Yeah, well, maybe, but no one's saying that it's a talent thing. | ||
| Yeah, talent. | ||
| It's a crazy ball. | ||
| I'm really good at drowning myself. | ||
| I was born with this bizarre talent where I can drown myself with anything. | ||
| This fucking wonky website doesn't work. | ||
| Yeah, I don't... | ||
| It was like on a weird site where I saw... | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| I think that was when I still used to go to... | ||
| Yeah, Toxic Junction. | ||
| Crazy Idiot Drowns Himself for Art. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| The first one was like a critique of it, and this one is... | ||
| Crazy Idiot. | ||
| Yeah, all these sites are fucking wonky. | ||
| This one ain't working either. | ||
| Yeah, it's because we're streaming video right now, probably. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No, come on, man. | ||
| We've got cable here. | ||
| That's not what this is. | ||
| The sites are coming up instantly. | ||
| That's not what it is. | ||
| It's like, the internet just sucks. | ||
| My website sucks lately. | ||
| Yeah, but it doesn't matter what your download speed is. | ||
| Your upload speed is probably bottlenecked at something like that. | ||
| Brian, I've got a question for you. | ||
| I've got a technological question. | ||
| Why does Korea have faster internet than us? | ||
| Most countries have faster internet than us. | ||
| Why? | ||
| We're just behind. | ||
| Because we're out there kicking ass and making freedom, Brian. | ||
| Some shit that gets left behind. | ||
| Same reason why there's cell phones, you know, or there are video games, everything. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Here's Homeboy. | ||
| If you just look up drowning performance art, go look at it up on YouTube. | ||
| I'm going to watch it real quick and see if it's worth it. | ||
| How can you not? | ||
| Oh, he talks about it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Go to it, Brian, because this guy is actually going to explain what the fuck he's going to do before. | ||
| has on YouTube. | ||
| How many? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| I say 35,000. | ||
| I want to know what advertisements comes up. | ||
| How many do you say? | ||
| I say 35,000. | ||
| How many? | ||
| I got to put that in 100,000. | ||
| 100,000. | ||
| Let's say 27,000. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You overestimate the Justin Bieber fans of the world. | ||
| But then again, you know, look, Justin Bieber is at least singing a fucking song. | ||
| This But no, you put Justin Bieber as the soundtrack to a guy drowning himself in the bathtub, it'll quadruple the views. | ||
| You know, I don't know what Justin Bieber sounds like. | ||
| I have no idea what a Justin Bieber song is. | ||
| He's looking like an angel. | ||
| Is that it, Brian? | ||
| Yeah, just do the commercial first. | ||
| That one has a commercial? | ||
| What commercial? | ||
| What product are they selling with this guy's drowning video? | ||
| Starcraft, it looks like. | ||
| No. | ||
| Some kind of a video game. | ||
| Yeah, weird. | ||
| Halo or StarCraft? | ||
| I did another podcast on a plane with Ari Shaffir. | ||
| Oh, how'd it go? | ||
| We were Blitzkrieg. | ||
| We ate an edible before we got on the plane. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Dude, we were gone. | ||
| Scary gone. | ||
| My whole body was tingling with vulnerability. | ||
| You get to that state. | ||
| But you're still taken care of on a plane. | ||
| It's the perfect place to do it. | ||
| Until you freak out and you can't get off the plane. | ||
| Last time Ari was on a plane and did it, he almost had to tell the stewardess that, hey, I need to get off the plane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could you land a plane? | |
| That's a bit of an exaggeration. | ||
| This is the time he was with me. | ||
| He said, I almost had to get off the plane. | ||
| I was like, really? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| It was just a thought in his head, but he never really actually did it. | ||
| Like you press the stewardess button and ask if they would mind landing the plane for a second? | ||
| I don't mind landing in Phoenix really quick. | ||
| I just have to run into the woods. | ||
| I don't want to be rude. | ||
| I don't want to run out into the desert and find myself. | ||
| Ari goes deep because... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd like to introduce myself. | |
| My name is Jonathan Murphy. | ||
| I'm a performance artist. | ||
| Oh, I hate him already. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My work is heavily influenced by Chris Burden's performance art from the 70s. | |
| He's the artist most famous for his piece shoot in which he had his friend shoot him in the arm with a.22 caliber rifle. | ||
| That was a wonderful piece. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What you're about to see next is a piece of mine entitled Drowning. | |
| I feel that this piece requires a little bit of explanation. | ||
| When water enters the airway, the vocal cords constrict and seal off the air tube, thus preventing any water from entering the lungs. | ||
| This is called a laryngospasm. | ||
| During this initial phase of drowning, very little water, if any, actually enters the lungs. | ||
| It actually fills up the stomach. | ||
| My hands were bound and a concrete block was placed on my chest. | ||
| This was done in order to weigh me down, but it also would help force air out of my lungs once I lost breath. | ||
| You'll see that nose clips were used as well in order to ensure safety. | ||
| My friends were instructed to wait for me to go unconscious and then immediately pull me out of the water. | ||
| That incocks, it sounds like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, I think that's pretty much it. | |
| Let's watch. | ||
| His friend, like how many minutes did his friend think about not picking up that lock? | ||
| I wonder how long you went under for. | ||
| So this guy's in his underwears now. | ||
| First of all, that's a bitch-ass move. | ||
| If you're gonna drown, you should be balls out. | ||
| Fucking let your cock hang out, son. | ||
| Shit yourself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| You're afraid we're gonna see your penis while you're drowning? | ||
| You know, you're showing us your ass there, sonny boy. | ||
| You're dying in a tub, and you're worried about people seeing your penis? | ||
| You fucking pussy. | ||
| I'm a performance artist. | ||
| You fucking fake crazy person. | ||
| There's a cinder block on his chest. | ||
| By the way, that cinder block ain't stopping me from drowning, bitch. | ||
| I'll stand right the fuck up with that thing on me. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| He's dumb. | ||
| So is this guy just gonna start breathing now? | ||
| What happens here? | ||
| He's just lying there with this finger block on his chest and somehow Somewhere around the... | ||
| I guess he's gonna take a breath of water? | ||
| Yeah, he's gonna have to get air and he won't be able to get out. | ||
| So he's just holding his breath right now as long as he can? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So what the fuck happened to this guy while we're going through this? | ||
| Because this is probably going to take a minute. | ||
| What the fuck happened to this guy that he wants to drown himself in a tub? | ||
| Watch too many episodes of Two and a Half Men. | ||
| That affected way he talks makes me want to kick him in the balls, doesn't it? | ||
| Oh, this is for the arts, Joe. | ||
| You don't understand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My work was heavily influenced by another douchebag from the 70s. | |
| He shot himself in the arm. | ||
| It's an amazing piece. | ||
| This piece called Shoot Me. | ||
| And this is called Bathtow Drowning. | ||
| This is called... | ||
| The most unoriginal names. | ||
| This is called Drowning. | ||
| Well, I mean, that's what it is. | ||
| Why call it anything else, right? | ||
| Just fucking put some icing on it. | ||
| Come up with something. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| So while we're pausing, folks, this guy's still just lying there in the tub holding his breath. | ||
| With his eyes open. | ||
| Yeah, he hasn't given up yet. | ||
| And he's getting ready to give up. | ||
| He's starting to spouse because it's towards the end of the video. | ||
| The beautiful thing about YouTube is you can see that little bar at the bottom. | ||
| There he goes. | ||
| There he goes. | ||
| He's breathing now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Oh, this is fucked. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So they got him on the floor now, and now they're doing CPR to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Oh, this is so fucked. | ||
| The guy's blowing in his mouth right now, and he's still not back. | ||
| He's still done. | ||
| I guess this guy, hopefully this guy really knows how to do CPR. | ||
| I took this class a couple years ago. | ||
| Ever done this to a live body before? | ||
| You want a real experienced lifeguard type character. | ||
| It seems like it's taking a long time. | ||
| This is scary as shit. | ||
| He's counting. | ||
| He's looking up and counting and blowing into this guy's... | ||
| I don't see a lot of effort on his part either. | ||
| I don't see him really fucking pushing that air out. | ||
| I wouldn't try. | ||
| This is fucked, man. | ||
| This guy's still under. | ||
| Or dead or drowned or whatever. | ||
| I mean, isn't brain cells dying right now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I mean, how many minutes does it have to be? | ||
| Because it hasn't been that many minutes since the guy was completely under. | ||
| Well, he was under the bath. | ||
| Seems like they got it back. | ||
| Yeah, what if they didn't and they're both assisted murderers, you know? | ||
| The sound that you heard was his friend running back into the room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Wow. | ||
| And now he's back to life. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| What the fuck, man. | ||
| That took a long ass time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy fuck. | |
| Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. | ||
| Dude, that is a trip. | ||
| Let's see at the end, Brian. | ||
| Let's see if he's got something stupid to say. | ||
| I'm like, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. | ||
| Don't try this at home. | ||
| We are all fascinated by that transition, you know, from here to there, from present to not, from life to death, from here to gone, you know? | ||
| We're all fascinated by that, man. | ||
| The death of the body. | ||
| How often do you trip about that? | ||
| Dying. | ||
| Oh, look what I got for you, by the way, that you keep forgetting. | ||
| I got your notebook that you left here when you lived here. | ||
| We're not going to read from it. | ||
| Joe's already read through it. | ||
| I heard about what you have to say about ponies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Thanks. | ||
| This thing has been burning a hole through my chest. | ||
| You're just lucky that you didn't become famous. | ||
| You're lucky that you didn't become famous in the time between living here and going out on your own, because I would have sold that fucking thing. | ||
| If you were Charlie Sheen, I'd be on the Today Show right now. | ||
| I have the documents. | ||
| That is a true friend to give this embarrassing journal back. | ||
| Well, this is a journal that Duncan got the boot from his missus back in the day and lived with me for a few months. | ||
| Best roommate ever, by the way. | ||
| The only one that's ever cleaned. | ||
| I've had a couple guys live with me. | ||
| The only one that ever, like, actually kept his room clean is Duncan. | ||
| Tate lived with me for a few months and was like a goddamn tornado in there. | ||
| Tate's a fucking savage. | ||
| Tate might as well, I just might as well just cut a hole in the side of the hill and Tate would have lived in there just the same. | ||
| Tate's crazy. | ||
| But anyway, Duncan wrote this journal about his feelings and the relationship. | ||
| And the reason why I brought this up, the reason why my mind even went to it in the first place, is because a lot of people are scared of the isolation tank for the same reason they're scared of death. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it almost is like a personal death of you. | ||
| You know, like a temporary death of you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| For a brief moment. | ||
| You cease to exist when you go into that tank. | ||
| That tank is also something that helped you. | ||
| And this is where the connection to this journal comes from. | ||
| When you were going through this breakup, you kind of reassessed your whole life. | ||
| It was really interesting to watch. | ||
| You came when you called me up and you were really bummed out. | ||
| And she kicked you out and you were in a hotel room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm like, hey, fucking come live with me. | ||
| And then you moved and you were like a little frazzled. | ||
| You were like... | ||
| Thanks a lot, man. | ||
| I really appreciate it. | ||
| I'm like, hey, I'm living by myself. | ||
| This is all good. | ||
| You know, Duncan's living with me now. | ||
| We're going to have some fun. | ||
| It's been great, dude. | ||
| Everything's going to be fine. | ||
| But you were clearly, like, lost. | ||
| You know, when you get dumped, man, it's like this fucking feeling of shit. | ||
| I don't have a home anymore. | ||
| Like, where am I sleeping now? | ||
| Massive, like, just 100% change. | ||
| Complete. | ||
| You've been living this certain way long enough to get used to it, and then all of a sudden, everything absolutely changes. | ||
| Like, just a huge turn that... | ||
| You probably thought could happen, but you're, you know, trying to imagine that it wasn't even a possibility and it happens. | ||
| Well, that, yeah, that's like, you go into shock, you're attached to a certain rhythm, a certain pattern, a certain set of surroundings. | ||
| That massively changes you. | ||
| You go into shock, and that is the perfect time to get in a fucking flotation tank when everything's discombobulated and floating around inside of you and all the weird assemblage of emotions and More than anything, though, what's cool about that shit is you get a real taste of truth. | ||
| Like that's what truth is right there. | ||
| That's like the experience of truth, which is change, which is dramatic, radical change. | ||
| Fucking unavoidable. | ||
| Happens all the time. | ||
| The isolation tank keeps you from distracting yourself and makes you think about your life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It makes you think about what's going on. | ||
| So, for me, it was so fascinating having you here at a real low point and watching you pull right out of it. | ||
| Right out of it. | ||
| Like, very quickly. | ||
| Like, when you got into that tank, within a few weeks, man, you were laughing about shit and joking around about shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it was cool. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Yeah, it definitely, definitely helped. | ||
| And that's why you're... | ||
| That's why friends are so important, because, like... | ||
| If you don't have friends and you get into that predicament, oh. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
| It's worth feeling alone. | ||
| You feel completely alone. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But, you know, even if you don't have friends, you can still pull yourself out of it. | ||
| But you have to, I guess, really want, you know, you have to want to. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, look, anyone can improve their surroundings. | ||
| You can improve your situation. | ||
| But it was really interesting for me watching you because it was such an unusual opportunity for both of us. | ||
| It was an unusual opportunity for me to watch someone who didn't have a lot of experience with a tank, but who was such a curious person and psychedelically experienced like you, and then have access to this thing on a daily basis. | ||
| And for me to watch you go from this really low point to really gaining ground, you came out of it stronger. | ||
| It was so fucking cool climbing out of that thing in that state of being, in the state of having had... | ||
| Because psychedelics are not limited to drugs. | ||
| There are many ways to induce a psychedelic state of mind, the tank being one of them. | ||
| Another way to induce a psychedelic state of mind is to have dramatic change happen in your life that rips back whatever delusion you are living by and shows you the true universe. | ||
| Yeah, the term psychedelic to a lot of people means like seeing things that aren't there, hallucinations. | ||
| Dancing mice, you know, shit like that. | ||
| Pink elephants flying through the sky. | ||
| That's not a real psychedelic state. | ||
| The real psychedelic state is the dissolution of cultural conformity and your ideas of the universe, all your predetermined patterns of thinking, all your... | ||
| Your adopted behavior patterns, all that gets stripped away and you're left with the core of you and your decisions and what you can and can't change and how you led yourself into a position where you were so weak in the first place that you needed saving from. | ||
| Why did you have no foundation? | ||
| Why did you fall apart? | ||
| What is it about life and about trying to get by in this world that leaves us so fucking vulnerable sometimes and so in need of other human beings to stack us up and to hold us up? | ||
| And watching you, man... | ||
| It was really fucking cool. | ||
| It was really cool because you really used it, man. | ||
| You got in there all the time, you know, and you were getting out and talking about it, and it was a fucking trip. | ||
| I don't know if you wrote about it in the thing, because I didn't read it. | ||
| I've had that thing for years. | ||
| You didn't even take a look at that. | ||
| I read to him over the phone, and then he made me stop, and I said, all right, I won't read any more of it. | ||
| I believe you. | ||
| That's insane! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is years ago. | |
| That thing has been sitting in my fucking office for... | ||
| Oh, I'm terrified. | ||
| I think it's like 2004 or something. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| I can't wait till... | ||
| I didn't date it. | ||
| 2004 or 2005, I believe it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't date it. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| It's cool, though. | ||
| I mean, you got a window into a certain time in your life, you know, where you were in the shits. | ||
| Well, I'll tell you, man. | ||
| That unfortunately happens. | ||
| But... | ||
| You say that, but I don't think it's unfortunate at all. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Imagine if you were stuck with that chick now. | ||
| No. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| Think about your situation now and think about your situation then, how much happier you are now. | ||
| You could have been stuck. | ||
| If you talked her into taking you back or something gross. | ||
| With a child or something? | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Stop right there. | ||
| I mean, it's funny how you're a different human now than you were then. | ||
| You're so much more confident. | ||
| You know, it's one of the things that I saw when you went up in Montreal. | ||
| Like, even your sets now, you're so much more confident. | ||
| You go up there, you're so much more, you know, you're so much more, what's the word? | ||
| You're resigned to who you are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not resigned, rather. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| But it's not resigned. | ||
| Because that sounds like you're giving up. | ||
| That's not what I mean. | ||
| You are completely aware of who you are. | ||
| That's the best way of saying it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that when you're going on stage now, you're going on stage not trying to convince them of anything. | ||
| You're just, this is me and this is what I'm doing. | ||
| This is what I have to say. | ||
| Whereas before, you were like, hey, I hope you like me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you like me? | ||
| You don't like me? | ||
| Well, here, I'm going to say something. | ||
| I guess... | ||
| Let me just say, I think the reason the word resigned popped out of your mouth first is because I think there is a certain level of being, and it sounds like it's like I'm giving up, but resigned can also be like a kind of surrender, where you're like, I'm just no longer going to spend time, whether on stage or off stage, Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Which is not a perfect place for most people. | ||
| Most of us are, you know, have fucked up things that we do. | ||
| And why wouldn't you? | ||
| I mean, you're going to look at where you're at. | ||
| Like you say, we're in a fucking ball flying through fucking space. | ||
| How are you supposed to adapt to this in some brilliant way right off the bat? | ||
| You know, you can't. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| You're in this insane dimension where we're getting rocketed through space, where you're gonna die. | ||
| You're surrounded by people who call themselves your family that you're supposed to have attachments to. | ||
| They're gonna die. | ||
| You're in a life where you've just adopted certain modes of being. | ||
| I didn't have a baby. | ||
| I didn't get married. | ||
| But a lot of people do when they weren't ready and they weren't supposed to. | ||
| And they get married and they have a baby. | ||
| And they are, theoretically, for this incarnation, pretty fucking trapped. | ||
| A lot of people are. | ||
| They have all kinds of weird situations where the relationship, they're stuck somehow or another, whether it's because of a mortgage or because of a business that they started together. | ||
| Or a mental idea of how things are supposed to be. | ||
| You're stuck with some person. | ||
| Or you give birth to a child that... | ||
| It has like a melted brain and you've got to take care of like a little like sick kid for 12 years or like there's so many different ways that your particular DNA can get rivuleted down into a shitty trap where you're just like there it's like that's why I like that movie you said you didn't want to see it and I'm sorry if you've seen it didn't like it but what was that 127 hours did you see that? | ||
| No, I didn't see it because I knew the story and I, you know, I don't want to watch some dude hack his fucking arm arm. | ||
| Yeah, that's just a torture movie. | ||
| There's no reason to watch it. | ||
| Dude, everybody says that it's a torture movie, like it was fixated on the gore or the... | ||
| But it wasn't. | ||
| It's a fucking metaphor, which is that sometimes doing the thing you love to do, whatever it is, and that's for a lot of people, is fucking. | ||
| Doing the thing you love most, you can end up getting your goddamn arm pinned So you're connecting someone having a baby to cutting your arm off. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| No, I'm kidding. | ||
| No, I'm not connecting. | ||
| If you have a baby for the right reason... | ||
| No, I know what you're saying for the wrong reason. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| Look, you're saying what a lot of single people with no children say. | ||
| And what you're saying is, you know, we were talking about our friend who tweeted something about having a child is like the exact opposite of winning the lottery. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to think the exact same way until I had children. | ||
| But my situation is very different in that, first of all, I'm... | ||
| I've had more experience in life and I'm secure financially and happy in the relationship. | ||
| So it was all good things at a good time. | ||
| But when I look back on past relationships, some of them, there's a bunch of relationships that I've been in. | ||
| You know, like way back in the day when I was younger and I really didn't know what the fuck I was doing. | ||
| I was hanging around with chicks that I probably really didn't even like that much, but I was still having sex with them. | ||
| And sometimes you'd have like a crazy fucking breakup or crazy bad relationship. | ||
| That person could be out there with your kid and then you have to deal with all kinds of the nonsense that comes with that. | ||
| I mean, we all know somebody that has kids, you know, that's in some shit situation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So I hear what you're saying, man. | |
| Yeah, what I'm really saying is the idea, and it goes back to- Of being comfortable, resigned to who you are. | ||
| Yes, that's where I think- I didn't like the way I said resigned, though. | ||
| I didn't mean resigned. | ||
| I don't mind. | ||
| Sometimes you have to be resigned. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Not all of us are fucking Charlie Sheen. | ||
| Not all of us are rock stars from Mars. | ||
| Not all of us are... | ||
| A freaking rock star from Mars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Some of us are like... | ||
| Trying to pretend I'm not special. | ||
| We're fucked up in a lot of ways, man. | ||
| And that's... | ||
| If you start from... | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You know one thing that I would try to do when I used to work out and when I first started working out? | ||
| I would try to lift weight that was so much more heavy than what I should have been lifting out of this sense of like, I could lift heavy weights! | ||
| And so now I'm trying to lift way too... | ||
| I should be at the fucking pink weights. | ||
| And I'm like trying to do, you know what I mean? | ||
| I'm trying to do like really fucking heavy weights because it's like, this is how I see myself down the line after I've been lifting pink weights for a while. | ||
| That's how you get to the heavy weights. | ||
| But if you start off right away trying to pump those fucking heavy weights, then it's disaster. | ||
| You're going to pull your fucking muscles. | ||
| Like people, you know, like dudes who lifted weights. | ||
| One guy I think came up to me, he's like, looking at me like, what are you doing? | ||
| He's like, that's way too much weight. | ||
| And so this is like having a kid when you're 16. Having a kid when you're 16 or deciding that you're a famous comedian before you are. | ||
| Getting on stage after a couple of months and getting in your fucking head that you've been doing stand-up for 15 years or being a fucking painter and just immediately thinking you're a great painter. | ||
| Because I've had friends who've gotten into painting, right? | ||
| And they've only painted for a year. | ||
| And they show me some of their paintings. | ||
| And the look on their face is like, I'm supposed to react to it like I'm seeing a Picasso or something. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I hate almost everyone that shows me things that I'm supposed to look at that they did. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Almost every time someone does that to me, I'm like, are you really going to do this to me, man? | ||
| Please, no. | ||
| Don't do this to me. | ||
| Don't make me read your fucking script. | ||
| Don't ask me to read your script, you fuck. | ||
| I hate that. | ||
| You think you can read my script, bro? | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| The worst is when it's bad. | ||
| And then you're obligated to talk to them and go, here's the situation. | ||
| You basically did Men in Black meets Back to the Future written by a 12-year-old. | ||
| You can't say that. | ||
| You can't even say that. | ||
| You have to go, wow, that's pretty good, man. | ||
| It's pretty good. | ||
| Well, no, that's the thing. | ||
| That's where you get, and I think kind of what we're talking about, which is like, at some point you have to make a decision. | ||
| Am I going to spend the rest of my life lying to the world? | ||
| Am I going to spend the rest of my life trying to manipulate people around me because I'm too lazy to tell them the truth? | ||
| Or am I just going to start telling the truth? | ||
| Well, what if, though, it's a friend that's written something really cool? | ||
| What if someone has got a script? | ||
| That's the problem with all the shitheads that want you to read their scripts. | ||
| It makes you super skeptical for the occasional rare person to actually write something good. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's just like, hey, I think this is pretty good. | ||
| Do you want to read it? | ||
| And then you're like, yeah, all right, I'll read it. | ||
| But how many of those are there? | ||
| Most people I know who are really good at things, they don't ask me to look at it. | ||
| I end up looking at it because I want to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like my friend Emoli just visited, like his music's fucking good. | ||
| So like I try to get new CDs of his because I want to listen to it because it's really fucking good. | ||
| But sometimes somebody else sends you something. | ||
| Or somebody, you'd be in their car if they're a musician and then they'll put their shit on and you have to listen to it. | ||
| That's the worst! | ||
| Never do that! | ||
| Never let a musician drive. | ||
| You always have to drive. | ||
| And never let them get in your car with a CD. What's in your hand, bitch? | ||
| What's in your fucking hand? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's in your fucking hand? | |
| You know why? | ||
| Because you're forced suddenly, not just to evaluate how miserable an artist they are, how cliche and shitty their music is, but also you realize that the fact that they felt comfortable playing this for you means they think it's good. | ||
| So they're so deluded and so fucked up, they're like, oh yeah, they've been waiting all day to play their music. | ||
| You get really attached to a script or a piece of music or a joke. | ||
| I mean, how many times have you had a friend who's just starting out and they have a bit and you want to tell them, like, hey man, you need to drop that bit. | ||
| That bit ain't good. | ||
| I'm like, no, no, no, it's good. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| This is a bad crowd tonight. | ||
| I've been doing it. | ||
| It's been killing. | ||
| Terrible crowd. | ||
| But you're fundamentally looking at the whole premise and what he's saying and you're like, this is a shit joke, dude. | ||
| This is terrible. | ||
| It's a clunker. | ||
| If someone's been doing stand-up for less than a year, I don't even critique their material because I know they're going to grow out of it and it's going to change. | ||
| The first year of stand-up, you can't... | ||
| You're lucky if you're really fine. | ||
| Well, isn't that like any bit, it only takes a couple things to add to something. | ||
| That's the whole point. | ||
| No bit starts off like a grade A bit from the beginning, usually. | ||
| It's usually you have some kind of idea and you try to go through it and add to it and make it an actual bit, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No shit, dude. | |
| So that's what's weird about me, because I'll go on stage and people come up to me and go, dude, that bit sucks or whatever. | ||
| But I'm like, yeah, but this is like the second time I've ever said it, you know? | ||
| So... | ||
| Well, you know, the thing is, it's like there's no fucking rules about it or anything. | ||
| It just takes a long time. | ||
| I mean, it takes a long time. | ||
| Brian, you're more advanced than someone who's only been doing comedy for a year. | ||
| You know, you're doing pretty good right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've also had the opportunity to do stand-up, take off for five years, and be around high-level stand-up comedy on a regular basis. | ||
| You're always at the improv. | ||
| You're always at Sal's. | ||
| You go on the road, you see Joey Crush and Ari Crush. | ||
| You see me do my sets. | ||
| All this comedy is in your head. | ||
| You get to see Bill Burr all the time whenever he's in town. | ||
| You see Louis C.K. You've seen Chappelle. | ||
| You've seen so many fucking comics, man. | ||
| Your exposure to high-level stand-up comedy is much deeper than the average open-miker. | ||
| Definitely, but it doesn't help me write anymore. | ||
| That's what I did yesterday. | ||
| Yesterday I was like, alright, I'm going to do no new, like this is all new jokes night, you know, yesterday. | ||
| And I was like, but fuck, I didn't write anything. | ||
| So I'm like looking through my notes going, okay, there was an idea, there's an idea. | ||
| I'm trying to make bits, but I didn't write any of this shit out. | ||
| So I went on stage, I pretty much had nothing. | ||
| You know, it's funny, like writing into me, or at least thinking of bits. | ||
| You can't go on stage balls out like that with nothing in your head. | ||
| You have to have some material first. | ||
| The only way you can do that is if you're Joey Diaz or if you're doing it a long time. | ||
| I'll go on stage sometimes and I'll fuck around and I don't know what I'm going to... | ||
| I came up with that bit about the birds. | ||
| There's birds that are falling from the sky and everyone's like, oh, it's a fucking apocalypse, man. | ||
| Look, the birds... | ||
| One thing that you don't consider is that birds are cunts, okay? | ||
| First of all, who cares about birds falling from the fucking sky? | ||
| Birds don't give a shit about you. | ||
| They're surviving dinosaurs. | ||
| And second of all, why do we think that it's apocalypse? | ||
| Maybe it's some one badass worm becomes a sorcerer and just decides to get back all these cunty birds that have been fucking with his family for generations. | ||
| You know, he's wearing a wizard's robe and he's just... | ||
| It's called winning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So this bit, it's turned into a bit, and it came out out of nowhere. | ||
| Literally, I had no idea what I was going to say. | ||
| But I knew that if I had nothing there, I have another bit ready that is actually a bit. | ||
| And so because you have these little bridges that you know that you have, this bridge is built. | ||
| I'm going to go right into fire at the San Francisco Hotel. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| It's solid. | ||
| And so I know that I can take a chance. | ||
| Like, let's just swing off this vine and hope I can catch that bridge or catch a vine that I didn't know was there. | ||
| How cool is it when you start killing and you're improvising and you're in that bizarre wave where suddenly you're not doing any jokes and then... | ||
| Sometimes I've improvised and done well and then tried to go back into a joke, and it doesn't do as well because they were so used to that stuff that was coming in the moment. | ||
| That's a weird thing, man. | ||
| They can tell, too. | ||
| They feel it. | ||
| They sense it. | ||
| He's doing material now. | ||
| Also, they can tell that you're freeballing, too. | ||
| They can tell. | ||
| When Joey Diaz freeballs, sometimes I'll run up to him offstage. | ||
| I'll go, did you plan that one? | ||
| And they'll go, nah, I fucking came up with it right there. | ||
| He did a joke about his dick. | ||
| He was doing this thing about Viagra. | ||
| This is the Sunday night show in Brea. | ||
| He was doing a thing about, you never copped a dead dick. | ||
| You never copped a dead dick. | ||
| He goes, if your dick's dead, this is what you do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You go out to the fucking refrigerator, you get those popsicle sticks, and you wrap that dick up like a fucking wounded soldier. | |
| Send it back in. | ||
| He was talking about putting your dick in a splint with popsicle sticks. | ||
| And the way he was saying it, it was fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was so funny. | |
| It was so... | ||
| There's a feeling of magic as he was saying this. | ||
| And he is killing before he says this. | ||
| So he goes into this, like, red-faced, like Joey Diaz, purple-faced, screaming, spits flying out. | ||
| You never copped a dead dick. | ||
| You send that dick in like a wounded soldier. | ||
| And me and Ari were fucking crying laughing. | ||
| And I couldn't wait for him to get off stage so I could ask him. | ||
| Was that off the top of your head? | ||
| That... | ||
| He said it came out of nowhere. | ||
| It just came out of nowhere. | ||
| Like, all of a sudden, it seemed like a bit. | ||
| Like, it was all there. | ||
| And it was because he was willing to swing. | ||
| Just take this chance and see where it brings you. | ||
| You know, to be able to do that, though, in front of several hundred people is rare. | ||
| Like, with you, your stage right now, you can't quite do that yet. | ||
| With your stage right now, what you've got to do is you've got to write things down and then fuck around with them. | ||
| Well, one of my biggest bits I did that, though, was the cum on your face. | ||
| That was made up on stage. | ||
| What bit is that? | ||
| The Pets. | ||
| Oh, well, yeah. | ||
| That was a line. | ||
| You came up with a line for an already existing bit. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That whole bit was written on stage. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it just came up on one day. | ||
| It was a Sunday show. | ||
| I mean, that's what I've been talking about. | ||
| I'll do that all the time where I'll think just like either on stage or right when I'm going to... | ||
| Like the other day I had this thing where... | ||
| You were talking about that before you ever did it on stage, Brian. | ||
| You talked about that a few times. | ||
| What? | ||
| Before you ever talked about the ex-girlfriends, how you have these pets from them and they all have the same personality. | ||
| Yeah, but I didn't, I mean, the first time I thought of that bit, I was seriously waiting for the comic in front of me to get off stage, and I'm just thinking, like, I've got to do something about my animals, because I feel like I'm a single mom right now. | ||
| And so I went on stage and said, hey, you know, I feel like a single mom. | ||
| Oh, so maybe when you talked to me about it, you had already done it on stage. | ||
| Maybe it's that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I don't like when people do that. | ||
| When they pretend they're having a conversation with you and really they're trying out material. | ||
| That's just the worst. | ||
| What's worse is when it's very obvious. | ||
| Some people can actually get away with it because you're telling the joke and they think it's funny. | ||
| But some people, you can tell they're just doing bits. | ||
| There's a dude I used to play pool with and it was brutal. | ||
| He was a comic and he used to go, tell me if you think there's anything in this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| No! | ||
| Oh, that's the worst. | ||
| And I dropped my head down. | ||
| He didn't have a whole lot of friends and he was like really into his comedy. | ||
| And he was one of those guys, he was a decent comic, but he wrote out every fucking joke as he would say it on stage. | ||
| So it never seemed like when he was on stage that he was really just up there fucking around. | ||
| It always seemed like, here's some material that I wrote today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so he like holds me hostage there while we're playing pool. | ||
| And while he... | ||
| He says out the whole joke, you know? | ||
| Like, literally, have you ever noticed? | ||
| Like, he gives me a have you ever noticed. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I'm like, you motherfucker. | ||
| Did you just give me a have you ever noticed? | ||
| Have you ever noticed? | ||
| I notice a lot of shit, dude. | ||
| You want to talk about other shit I notice? | ||
| Man, that's the problem with comedy, man. | ||
| There's good comedy, but the shitty comedian is a pathetic figure, man. | ||
| It's just such a rough mode of being, man. | ||
| It's such a silly, embarrassing existence. | ||
| What's the idea that you command the attention of the crowd, your voice is amplified, there's a light spot put on you, and you are supposedly so entertaining and interesting that all you have to do is talk, and you're going to grab the attention of all these people in this room. | ||
| You're requesting this exorbitant amount of attention, and it's because you claim to have this skill, and this skill is you're going to elicit laughter, you're going to extract laughter from the audience. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| What's really weird lately, I have been noticing, there's this whole breed of comic, open mic mostly, that does their whole act, but not once did you think, no, there's a joke there. | ||
| Meaning they're just talking, and they're forgetting that this is supposed to be funny almost. | ||
| They're almost saying a story, and when they're done with the story, they expect you to clap, but then you... | ||
| Nothing in it was even a joke. | ||
| Where it's like, is that their sense of humor is that bad? | ||
| Or they just don't get... | ||
| They're open micers. | ||
| You're dealing with open micers. | ||
| That's like saying, how come this guy who doesn't know how to throw a punch at all thinks he's going to be on The Ultimate Fighter? | ||
| They're not good. | ||
| They're incompetent. | ||
| It's so amazing that people could be that bad, though. | ||
| What's amazing is they could be that bad forever. | ||
| How many dudes have you ever seen at the comedy store that have been doing stand-up for 10 plus years doing open mics and they're still brutally bad? | ||
| It's so insane. | ||
| You should progress. | ||
| You're talented in the opposite way. | ||
| The fact that you haven't gotten better at all and you've been doing it for some people 15 years. | ||
| I don't think you can get better if you're not good at all. | ||
| I think, you know, there are some guys that get into comedy that truly don't understand what comedy is, and they see other people doing it and talking it, but they're so socially unaware that they don't know how they come off to other people. | ||
| And they probably don't have the tools, the psychological tools, the cognitive tools to really objectively assess their own personality. | ||
| So they're never going to be able to do it. | ||
| They literally are never going to be. | ||
| You have to have a certain amount of awareness. | ||
| In order to do stand-up. | ||
| And there's a lot of people that attempt it that just don't have that. | ||
| They don't have it. | ||
| And if you don't have it, man, something has to happen dramatic. | ||
| You've got to go to Mexico and do Ibogaine. | ||
| Ayahuasca, maybe. | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| Get your mind blown. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You'll be able to come back. | ||
| Yeah, you literally have to become a different person. | ||
| The person that you are is just, what you have is like, it's like, I want to race in the Formula One Grand Prix, but I have a Toyota Camry. | ||
| What do you think I should do? | ||
| Well, you're fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These fucking cars go 250 miles an hour and they're three inches off the ground. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| You're not going to do that. | ||
| You're not equipped for it. | ||
| You have to change your equipment. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's what it takes. | ||
| The snake must shed its goddamn skin from time to time. | ||
| This is the end. | ||
| Praise Jesus. | ||
| Praise the Lord. | ||
| My only friend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The end. | |
| Well, you're all slaves. | ||
| Dude, ride the snake. | ||
| Dude, you know, this is kind of like a weird off-topic idea that I've had, but I wanted to tell you about it because you were Catholic. | ||
| This whole thing is off-topic. | ||
| You can never say this is off topic in this podcast. | ||
| This is off the script that we've been rehearsing for the last few days. | ||
| Yes, I was raised Catholic, yeah. | ||
| And in religion, there's this idea of tithing, where you're supposed to get 10% of your income to the church. | ||
| So, dude, I've started thinking about that. | ||
| And I've started thinking, like, how fucking interesting would your life get if you decided to give 10% of your income, not to the church, but you decided to, like, give 10% of your income to do, like, really cool things for people randomly. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Create your own sort of church offering. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not no church is involved or anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know what you're saying. | |
| Because, like, man, like, to go back to the idea of psychedelic states, things that induce psychedelic states, fucking. | ||
| Fucking helping someone randomly that doesn't expect you to. | ||
| Like, if you go out and you think, I'm going to go... | ||
| I'm not a big fan of giving money to people in front of 7-Eleven who are covered in sores. | ||
| I think that that's kind of like a way of killing somebody. | ||
| But if you go out and have some extra money and decide, I'm going to do something cool with this. | ||
| Or you just try to convert your financial energy into some positive thing that you randomly do for someone. | ||
| And you decide, I'm going to do this... | ||
| from two to four o'clock today. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That puts you in the weirdest, most psychedelic state. | ||
| And when you do some random good thing for somebody, dude, it blows people's minds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like they freak the fuck out. | ||
| Like the look on their face is like, what just happened to me? | ||
| Because everything is inverted in our society towards the self. | ||
| Everyone's always thinking about themselves. | ||
| Everyone's always fixating on themselves. | ||
| If for two hours you don't fixate on yourself long enough to go do some random fucking thing for somebody, dude, it's trippy. | ||
| I definitely think that putting energy in towards any sort of charitable notion, anything where you're helping people, it definitely is the right kind of energy to put out there in the world. | ||
| It definitely can induce a different state of mind, a different state of being. | ||
| But the charity thing, which is great. | ||
| I mean, anything's good. | ||
| But when, you know, you call in and you give money to somebody or you have some kind of fund that you put money into that helps something. | ||
| I'm talking about, like, physically. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, charitable. | ||
| I mean, like, going out and helping people. | ||
| I definitely agree. | ||
| I mean, how many of these fucking organizations keep getting busted? | ||
| Charitable organizations when you find out, like, the Wyclef Jean thing for Haiti. | ||
| And, you know, you find out they're all stealing money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, it's always, something like that is always going down. | ||
| Doing random cool things for people, it does, it gives you like, it definitely gives you some sort of a weird charge. | ||
| You know, when I gave away my isolation tank online, that was one of the coolest things that I ever did because I, I mean, it's a fucking $8,000 piece of equipment. | ||
| And some dude I don't even know. | ||
| And then bought salt. | ||
| Salt was like $1,200. | ||
| And then had it moved to his house. | ||
| You know, I had to pay for a moving company. | ||
| And then I had to pay for an installer to go install it in his house. | ||
| Meanwhile, the fucking guy doesn't even use it. | ||
| That bastard. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I want to ask him for it back. | ||
| I can give it to you. | ||
| Do you have a place that works out? | ||
| Oh, he has the best place ever now. | ||
| I got a perfect place for a tank. | ||
| You need to get one. | ||
| I want a float tank. | ||
| You gotta see his man cave. | ||
| Yeah, we need to get you a tank. | ||
| I got a fucking man cave. | ||
| I got a place right next to a shower where I could just... | ||
| I could just basically go right from the flotation tape into the shower. | ||
| The world needs Duncan Trussell to have a fucking isolation tank. | ||
| Please, God, hear my prayer. | ||
| Really, you need to make some money. | ||
| And a Verizon iPhone. | ||
| Yeah, you're with... | ||
| Well, you've got a couple different projects going on. | ||
| But when one of these hits, man, when you get your first fat check, we're going to get you... | ||
| If this guy won't give up the tank... | ||
| I don't think this guy wants to give up his tank. | ||
| He's going through a divorce now, though. | ||
| So he might have to move the tank. | ||
| He might not have the money to reset the tank up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'll store it for him. | ||
| I talked to him about it like a year after I sent it to him. | ||
| And he's like, yeah, I hardly ever use it. | ||
| I'm like, you fuck. | ||
| I'm like, god damn it, dude. | ||
| That's what happened to do it randomly. | ||
| Yeah, but I figured anybody that was... | ||
| And the guy was like a wannabe stand-up comedian. | ||
| He's like trying to be a comic. | ||
| It's like, Jesus Christ, dude. | ||
| I gave you a fucking doorway to the universe, and you don't open it and go through it every now and then? | ||
| I bet he's got his old checks in there. | ||
| I bet there's no water in it. | ||
| He just puts old boxes in it. | ||
| If I was thinking, I would have just built a shed. | ||
| I just built a shed for a washer and dryer. | ||
| You know how easy it would have been just to build a shed for that? | ||
| Would you have used it, though? | ||
| I've never been in one, so probably. | ||
| You think? | ||
| I've never been in one, so probably. | ||
| Yeah, but I've offered you to go to that Soothing Solutions. | ||
| You've never gone to that. | ||
| You want to go to that? | ||
| I've never made the call. | ||
| You want to do it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll do it. | |
| We'll set it up. | ||
| Okay, we'll set it up. | ||
| Or you can go to Float Lab. | ||
| That's the best place. | ||
| The Float Lab ones are on another level. | ||
| That guy, Craig... | ||
| If you're in a tank, go to FloatLab.com and look at what this guy's doing. | ||
| This guy's making these super fucking thick stainless steel insulated tanks. | ||
| They're the greatest... | ||
| The apple of flotation tanks. | ||
| Yeah, he's just a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's like this crazy mad scientist dude. | ||
| He's like really into floating. | ||
| He's trying to invent some new screen where you can watch. | ||
| It's the lowest amount of light is coming through these LCD screens so you can watch documentaries inside the tank and you can learn from it somehow or another. | ||
| It helps you. | ||
| Seems like it defeats the purpose. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I'm not into it at all. | ||
| Maybe there's a way to have information blasted into your brain. | ||
| What he's saying is that when you have an absence of sensory input, you can really absorb information at a much faster rate. | ||
| And it totally makes sense on paper because the whole idea... | ||
| I mean, look, it's very difficult to watch a movie if there's jackhammers going on behind you, distracting you. | ||
| If you had a float tank that had an interactive surface on the top of it, so that it can turn completely dark if you wanted to. | ||
| But if you want, you could light the entire fucking thing up with the universe, the Milky Way, the, I don't know, just blue sky or whatever. | ||
| Just fucking Sanskrit verses from all the great scriptures flying on there. | ||
| It'd be incredible. | ||
| Sanskrit verses. | ||
| Well, hopefully there'll be a translation. | ||
| How long would it take to learn Sanskrit? | ||
| Is that like a 10-year project? | ||
| I think it would take a long fucking time, but I don't know. | ||
| If anybody would be into that, I would think it would be you. | ||
| I'd love to. | ||
| Just because it's Sanskrit and Tibetan... | ||
| When I'm on mushrooms and I start, like, you close your eyes and you see those weird symbols. | ||
| I see Egyptian stuff. | ||
| See, that's the thing. | ||
| And I always wonder, these symbols you're seeing, I always think... | ||
| Mayan-looking things. | ||
| If I knew how to read this, would I be reading, like, some kind of message here? | ||
| Am I actually looking at some kind of... | ||
| You know what McKenna believes, actually? | ||
| What he thought was that when you do a psychedelic, what you're doing is you're taking part in the experience of everyone else who's also done that psychedelic. | ||
| That's why he described ketamine as such an odd psychedelic, because it seems like its database of users was very, very small. | ||
| So he said ketamine felt like an office building that was empty. | ||
| You'd go in there and it's just empty cubicles. | ||
| Like, where is everybody? | ||
| Whereas mushrooms, you're dealing with 10,000 years of obsessive daily use by millions of people all over the world. | ||
| And a lot of those being the Mayans. | ||
| I mean, the Mayans were heavily, heavily into mushrooms. | ||
| You know, when I was... | ||
| When I was in Chichen Itza and I went on a tour, the guy that took me on a guide was a really, really interesting guy. | ||
| He was a local university professor who also did guides, like did tours and shit like that. | ||
| It was just really deep into the history of it. | ||
| And he just openly talked about the psychedelics, like how they would take psychedelics. | ||
| And they had all different rooms that they would practice different rituals in. | ||
| And it's well known that there was a deep, deep history in Mexico of psychedelic mushroom use. | ||
| So it's not surprising that when you do mushrooms, and especially if you do mushrooms that you buy in California, you know, I mean, you're probably getting the same strains that the Mayans got. | ||
| I mean, you're probably getting those Mexican mushrooms. | ||
| And you see all sorts of weird Mayan symbols. | ||
| It's almost like what you're doing is you're somehow or another tapping into their, the past people's psychedelic experiences. | ||
| Obviously, this is all just... | ||
| We're all going to go eat shrooms. | ||
| Me, us three. | ||
| We should do it. | ||
| We should just go fucking on the beach somewhere. | ||
| As long as they don't have psilocybin in them. | ||
| I love to eat mushrooms with you guys. | ||
| Psilocybin? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| That's what makes you trip. | ||
| As long as they don't have psilocybin in them? | ||
| I don't want to announce eating mushrooms to 500 billion people, of which by now at least 3,000 are police officers intently listening with a notepad. | ||
| They just said they're going to the beach! | ||
| It's just as ridiculous that mushrooms are illegal as Monsanto trying to patent a pig. | ||
| It's just as ridiculous. | ||
| How the fuck is one person going to tell you that some spore, a fucking plant, a living organism, by the way, which is actually closer to a human than plants are to humans. | ||
| Spores are closer to us. | ||
| Well, because they eat organic matter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But dude, how fucking crazy. | ||
| It's not just that someone feels okay enforcing the law. | ||
| If you eat those fucking things that make you see some kind of weird transcendental language that the Mayans were trying to copy down, that's what I think. | ||
| I think they were seeing a language and they're like, alright, this is the best way we can replicate this weird language that we were seeing. | ||
| I think that's what happens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It could be, yeah. | |
| But to think that something that produces that effect... | ||
| There are people right now in federal fucking penitentiaries right now laying in a cot in a federal penitentiary listening to fucking white Aryan resistance murderers jerking off just because you wanted to fucking see the mothership for a second. | ||
| You're three doors down from a guy who fisted a six-year-old. | ||
| I know. | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Well, actually, you know, nonviolent drug offenders don't get locked up in the same place as people that fist six-year-olds. | ||
| But I know what you're saying. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Just the fact that they're in a cage at all. | ||
| I mean, maybe you do once you get in there and they, you know, one of the fucking Hispanic guys wants to fight with you and you stab them in the neck and, you know, you wind up getting a murder rap on top of it. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Which happens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| It happens to nonviolent drug offenders. | ||
| They wind up getting, you know, much deeper penalties for something they do while they're actually in prison. | ||
| Dude, my friend got a DUI, went to fucking county jail. | ||
| His jaw was broken within six minutes. | ||
| It was like a Saturday night and there were gangbangers there. | ||
| He had to take a piss. | ||
| They wouldn't let him get to the toilet. | ||
| He's like, I've got a piss. | ||
| And they just were like, what'd you say? | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Broke his fucking jaw. | ||
| For what? | ||
| Because he fucking drove from a club after one extra beer? | ||
| That's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck that. | |
| You shouldn't be lumped up in the same group of people. | ||
| But, you know, then again, what if your friend slammed into a fucking car and killed someone's kid? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I mean, obviously, you don't know how drunk he was, and I'm just guessing, but it's the same thing. | ||
| You know, yeah, I understand. | ||
| You shouldn't drive drunk, and God knows. | ||
| Like, I'm not saying drive drunk. | ||
| Well, he won't do that again, right? | ||
| I'm just saying that's not the... | ||
| Yeah, well, I don't know. | ||
| Well, did you get raped? | ||
| Well, you shouldn't have had that beer. | ||
| Yeah, that's what you get. | ||
| I guess that's what you get. | ||
| It's so fucked up, man. | ||
| Well, I definitely think that people should be penalized for putting other people in danger because they're drunk and irresponsible. | ||
| But when it comes to things like mushrooms, when it comes to psychedelic experiences and the idea that you can make any sort of plant that grows here or fungus that grows here naturally, it's a part of the ecosystem already, way before we invented it. | ||
| This is fucking completely ridiculous. | ||
| Especially when you look at all the stuff that is legal and all the stuff that can kill you and all the stuff that you could buy at any store. | ||
| It's completely silly. | ||
| There's no logic behind it. | ||
| It's not like this is a rational decision. | ||
| You're obviously deciding what I can and can't do. | ||
| You're deciding what kind of experiences I have. | ||
| And there's no science behind it. | ||
| This is not 1950. You can't pull some McCarthyism bullshit on me. | ||
| I can get online and I can say, well look, no one's died from psilocybin. | ||
| How come psilocybin's illegal? | ||
| Well look, Here I can show you a thousand different people that'll tell you that they've got over post-traumatic stress disorder, they've gotten over addictions, they've gotten over all these things because of psychedelic experiences. | ||
| And you're telling me that it's illegal. | ||
| You're telling me that it's bad. | ||
| Why is it bad? | ||
| Here's the deal with anything. | ||
| Whenever there's something that people can benefit from and people have all these stories about and there's an area to explore and someone's keeping you from doing that and trying to lock you in jail if you do do that, they're the fucking criminals. | ||
| They're the monsters. | ||
| They are the fucking criminals of the human race. | ||
| You are putting a crime on people. | ||
| You are literally stopping people from evolving. | ||
| Those are the fucking demons, man. | ||
| Stop doing it, Duncan. | ||
| I like to put people in jail. | ||
| Duncan's all about constricting. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| There's nothing I love more than having a mushroom addict in the back of my squad car. | ||
| We're going to have to explore ball gags and whips someday with you. | ||
| Oh yeah, diapers. | ||
| I remember when the... | ||
| Diapers. | ||
| Do you remember coming up and saying that to me? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Ball gags, dog. | ||
| Alright, just kidding. | ||
| I won't say it. | ||
| Hey, we talked to Steve-O today, and he's completely sober now. | ||
| He stopped smoking cigarettes, stopped drinking. | ||
| He said he was doing so much drugs the last couple years of his life, there was people walking around his house that didn't exist. | ||
| That's how bad it got. | ||
| But now he just quit everything and now is vegan. | ||
| Isn't that crazy to you to think that somebody that gets in a toilet with shit is so concerned about his health that he's eating vegan and not on anything? | ||
| Well, yes, he's probably realizing how silly his life was. | ||
| And it's like, you know, putting himself back in line. | ||
| It's like, well, what's the logical step to put yourself as far in line as you can and go vegetarian and vegan? | ||
| There's a guy named John Fitch that fought in this last UFC and he went he had a vegan diet. | ||
| I thought it was really interesting. | ||
| I wanted to see how he did. | ||
| He wound up winning. | ||
| He beat BJ Penn. | ||
| It was sort of. | ||
| No, I'm sorry. | ||
| Sorry, he didn't beat BJ Penn. | ||
| No, a draw. | ||
| It was a draw, but he won the final round. | ||
| His cardio was really good. | ||
| It was really solid. | ||
| He was talking about his cardio. | ||
| It was off the charts now. | ||
| Does draw mean refight? | ||
| They just have to refight? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They have to decide now. | ||
| They have to figure out what the fuck to do. | ||
| Because this was for the number one contender spot. | ||
| And Fitch is still pushing. | ||
| After the post-fight interview, his coach was like, ask for a title shot. | ||
| And I'm like, well, you can't ask for a title shot after you get off of a draw. | ||
| It's just like too tough to sell. | ||
| What did you think was going on with that fight? | ||
| Who did you think? | ||
| A draw could be expected. | ||
| It depends on how you score the third round. | ||
| The third round was a pretty decisive victory for Fitch. | ||
| Some people thought that was a 10-8 round. | ||
| You know, I'm not really... | ||
| It depends on how you use 10-8 rounds. | ||
| Because the 10-8 round, the system that they use now, I think it's like they don't give out enough 10-8 rounds. | ||
| But you have to decide when is it a 10-8 round. | ||
| When you're inside a guy's guard and you just punch him to the body and to the head, I'm not sure if that's a 10-8 round. | ||
| I could see it argued. | ||
| But those were very close, too. | ||
| I could see it argued. | ||
| Fitch did, too. | ||
| Fitch won one of them. | ||
| Because, you know, BJ got his back. | ||
| BJ took him down. | ||
| BJ got his back. | ||
| But then he lost position and Fitch got on top of him. | ||
| So the question is, what's worth more? | ||
| Is it worth more to take a guy down and to get a dominant position where you're close to finishing a fight but then losing it and getting reversed and wind up being your guard with the guy on top of you throwing punches? | ||
| Is that better or is it better to take the guy's back? | ||
| What's worth more on points? | ||
| Well, that's a subjective thing, so it's tricky. | ||
| I could see the first two rounds score for BJ, and I could see someone scoring one of them for Fitch, and I could also see the third round being 10-8. | ||
| So I could see a draw. | ||
| We were split, too, when we were watching it. | ||
| It's tricky, man. | ||
| It's tricky. | ||
| I mean, BJ's a bad motherfucker, but he's small for that weight class. | ||
| When he's fighting, he's weighing 166 with his pants on, and he's fighting Fitch. | ||
| But this is the thing about Fitch, the reason why I brought this up. | ||
| He was, at one point in time, like 200 pounds, and he would cut down to 170. But now he's all organic and vegan, and he's wearing around 180, which is really light for him, and then dropping a little weight. | ||
| But his cardio is way better now, too. | ||
| I've entertained trying a serious vegan diet for a while. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| But I heard Travis Barker, after he crashed in that plane and he had to get skin grafts and shit like that, they didn't take until he started eating meat. | ||
| And he stopped being a vegan in his recovery from that. | ||
| He was a vegan before that, and then when he started eating red meat, then all of a sudden his healing went through the roof. | ||
| Whenever I eat vegan food at a vegan restaurant, I fucking love it. | ||
| Oh, swingers. | ||
| I think if I could make this myself, I wouldn't care about it. | ||
| Well, you could make it yourself easily. | ||
| It's a pain in the ass. | ||
| Yeah, but it seems like it's a pain in the ass. | ||
| I could be wrong. | ||
| With our friend, when I dated her, it was like having to go to certain restaurants, having to do all this bullshit. | ||
| She's not even a vegan anymore now. | ||
| She gave up? | ||
| Yeah, she eats vegan here and there, but she's... | ||
| But isn't meat just fucking filled with hormones right now? | ||
| Well, just get... | ||
| Some meat is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it depends on where you're getting it. | ||
| Free-range. | ||
| You want free-range organic meat. | ||
| And you want grass-fed, too. | ||
| I prefer the taste of grass-fed. | ||
| There's a discussion that Ari and I actually had on the podcast on a plane, the difference between grass-fed and grain-fed beef. | ||
| Beef is not natural for them to be eating grain. | ||
| They're not supposed to eat corn. | ||
| We give them corn because it makes them fat as fuck, which makes the meat so delicious and tender when you cook it because there's all this fat... | ||
| Bubbling up inside of it and melting and it just gets awesome like a big fat fucking grain fed steak. | ||
| It just melts in your mouth. | ||
| But the reality is they're supposed to be eating grass and when you taste grass fed beef it has a distinctly different flavor. | ||
| I prefer it. | ||
| But I like game. | ||
| I like venison and elk. | ||
| I like eating those meats. | ||
| I have my theories about that shit. | ||
| I feel like anything that's tough to catch is easy. | ||
| Or tough to catch, rather, is really good for you. | ||
| And things that are easy to catch, like cows. | ||
| You can just walk right up to a cow and shoot them in the fucking head. | ||
| They're stupid. | ||
| You'll shoot a cow in the head and a cow right next to him will be like... | ||
| He doesn't even freak out and go, holy fuck! | ||
| But you try to shoot a pig, pigs will run from you, man. | ||
| And wild pigs, like wild boar, very good for you. | ||
| Cows are fucking sweet creatures. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they're cows. | ||
| They're sweet. | ||
| They're cattle. | ||
| I mean, the idea of cattle being at our mercy. | ||
| No, they're like in India how they worship cows. | ||
| So in India, in the streets, there are these cows that have just been being petted by people like dogs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They are fucking sweet. | ||
| Don't you think, though, that that docile behavior has been engineered through years of breeding for them to be, you know, farm animals, for them to be used, to be killed? | ||
| It's an unnatural thing for people to just walk right up to an animal and be able to pet it. | ||
| People are creepy fucks, you know? | ||
| I mean, you have to engineer an animal to be that docile. | ||
| Yeah, oh yeah, it comes from a long relationship with humans, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Yeah, wild cows and shit like that, they don't have that sort of... | ||
| Are there wild cows? | ||
| What the fuck am I talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure, there is. | |
| There must have been at some point in time. | ||
| It must have been wild, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure, sure, there still is. | |
| Well, cows are so valuable, very few of them are wild, right? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Cows aren't valuable, are they? | ||
| Like, is there like... | ||
| Wait... | ||
| Cows are very valuable. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They're worth a lot of money, sure. | ||
| Cows are worth a lot of money. | ||
| Of course, man. | ||
| Steak is expensive. | ||
| I would think that cows are a dime a dozen. | ||
| How much would it cost to buy a cow? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I think... | ||
| Look it up, man. | ||
| I would love to do that, man. | ||
| I would love to have my own farm someday and just have animals that, you know, you know what they're feeding, you know what you're feeding them rather. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you're going to eat them, you know how they're treated, you know that it's all humane. | ||
| Dude, I think about my dream idea of that, which is like this crazy place out in the woods with solar panels where the majority of your electricity or all of it is coming from the sun and you're feeding yourself from this place. | ||
| That's feasible here. | ||
| Yeah, it's feasible, but it's so much work to run a farm. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's not like either you have people working for you and doing it, or if you're involved in it, you just work all day and sleep, and you wake up and work all day and sleep. | ||
| Yeah, but you can be self-sustaining, which is very rewarding for a lot of people. | ||
| The idea that you grow all your own food, you grow all your own vegetables, and you grow all your own animals as well. | ||
| But yeah, you can hire a few people to run. | ||
| I mean, if you just wanted a farm only for your family's sustenance, that's kind of an interesting theory, an interesting sort of concept. | ||
| Set up a farm where all the vegetables that you grow are vegetables that you eat, and then I guess, you know, in the wintertime you can them or something or you have a greenhouse or something. | ||
| You can them. | ||
| Looks like cows are about a thousand bucks. | ||
| Thousand bucks for a cow. | ||
| That's a bargain. | ||
| Think about all the meat on that thing. | ||
| So you can either buy two cows or buy the new MacBook. | ||
| Oh, fucking new MacBook all the way. | ||
| You guys... | ||
| Well, let's end on this, because you guys are fucking goofy Mac heads, as am I. iPad 2 in two days. | ||
| What is the new... | ||
| What is the deal with these MacBooks that you guys keep ranting about? | ||
| They just look fucking amazing. | ||
| They look amazing? | ||
| Well, the biggest thing is the new technology, the Thunderbolt technology, which is like... | ||
| Thunderbolt, bro! | ||
| ...10 gigabytes per second. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what they call it, Thunderbolt? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a phone called the Thunderbolt, too, that's out now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who copied off who? | ||
| It's 10 gigabytes per second. | ||
| So what that means is live. | ||
| You're pretty much going to be able to hook up an external hard drive and edit HD video easily and run multiple streams. | ||
| It's going to help video editing and transferring files. | ||
| Nowadays, when you want to back up your computer, 10 gigabytes a second? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| And it has HD video cameras now. | ||
| Also, a bigger solid state drive. | ||
| You can get up to, what was it? | ||
| Everybody's going to think you got sponsored by Mac. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| We already do. | ||
| We use laptops that have the big Apple logo on it. | ||
| It was like one of the people that tried to sponsor us who was asking, like, does Apple pay you? | ||
| You guys have Apple out there. | ||
| I wish. | ||
| Apple, please sponsor us. | ||
| But it was like... | ||
| Quad cores. | ||
| That's 50 times faster than the last bit of MacBooks. | ||
| 50 times? | ||
| Yeah, some of the early benchmarks are showing anywhere from the 13-inch model being about 12% faster to up to 53% faster. | ||
| Oh, okay, that's not 50 times. | ||
| No, no, I'm sorry, 50%. | ||
| 50%. | ||
| 50%, sorry. | ||
| Yeah, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Quad core, you know, double core, quad core. | ||
| That's pretty interesting. | ||
| So that would be what you would need if you were doing video rendering and shit like that. | ||
| But for most people, what the fuck? | ||
| It's just a matter of transferring things. | ||
| Well, even, I mean, have you noticed even, I don't know on your laptop, but I know on this one, like fucking YouTube or YouTube videos or any kind of HD video still is struggling. | ||
| Even though this is a pretty fast laptop, it still struggles. | ||
| It's the graphics card. | ||
| It's mostly the graphics card and just the fucking shitty flash and the video card. | ||
| Then these new ones have video cards up to one gigabyte now, which is crazy. | ||
| And they switched from NVIDIA, which has been having a lot of problems with the MacBooks lately, with overheating and problems with them. | ||
| Now they switched back to AMD or whatever. | ||
| See, this is interesting to me. | ||
| It's exciting, but not that exciting. | ||
| I need some new shit. | ||
| I need some next level shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just transferring gigabytes real quick. | ||
| That's all good and everything like that. | ||
| But what is the next thing that a fucking computer is going to do that's really going to blow you away? | ||
| It's not going to be that. | ||
| I think if we're going more towards tablet, more towards projection. | ||
| Quantum computing. | ||
| No, it's that fucking computer that just beat people at Jeopardy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, seriously. | ||
| It used to be a computer that could play chess and beat people was a big deal. | ||
| Now everyone has a computer that can beat you at chess. | ||
| Eventually, the next thing you're talking about is interactive surfaces where you tell it exactly what you want. | ||
| Well, I'm actually more excited about this iPad 2 announcement March 2nd, which is supposedly going to have cameras in the front and back. | ||
| So that's going to change the whole thing with being able to do FaceTime and watching Ustream. | ||
| Now you're going to be able to Ustream from your iPad. | ||
| This is what's really trippy. | ||
| Quantum computing. | ||
| That's the really weird shit. | ||
| Because, first of all, try to wrap your head around what a quantum computer really is. | ||
| You have to really kind of understand what the idea behind quantum mechanics and what it basically is. | ||
| This is how it's listed in Wikipedia. | ||
| A device for computation that makes direct use of quantum mechanical phenomena such as superposition and entanglement. | ||
| And if you don't know what that means, superposition means that an object can be both moving and still. | ||
| I mean, when you get into the idea of quantum mechanics, you get into, like, that's weird voodoo shit. | ||
| Subatomic particles that blink in and out of existence, and the idea of it being able to be affected by the user. | ||
| I mean, those are all quantum mechanical ideas. | ||
| Talk about quantum entanglement, because that really is voodoo shit. | ||
| And that's a computer. | ||
| Quantum entanglement... | ||
| As I understand it, is the idea that if you take two particles and put them together and then move them apart, they still are somehow connected, and you can transfer information down that line. | ||
| It's one of those things when I talk about it, I say what I've heard said, but I don't know what it means. | ||
| I'm talking about superpositions, and I'm talking about entanglement, and I'm saying all those things. | ||
| All I'm doing is making the right noises with my mouth. | ||
| My brain barely makes the connection to what the fuck that truly means. | ||
| My connection is just this rudimentary thing where I think of like two round things that have what appear to be a really long hair attaching them or something. | ||
| Like the idea that things just kind of like... | ||
| Have some invisible or tiny relationship that just stretches apart. | ||
| But the reason I say that's voodoo or witchcraft is because it's like Rosemary's baby. | ||
| Remember the guy called and he was missing his glove? | ||
| Like one of the things witches are always trying to do is... | ||
| Steal a little piece of you. | ||
| Get your hair. | ||
| And if quantum entanglement's true, then that would mean that there's some connection between you and the thing that came from you that they could start shooting bad energy down that line. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's fucking crazy. | |
| So all that stuff's kind of real. | ||
| They just didn't have the words for it. | ||
| Well, I always thought about alchemy, like the idea of alchemy. | ||
| When people are trying to make gold out of lead and using magic and all sorts of different things. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| If we really do break down things as far as their elemental structure, is it possible to turn lead into gold someday? | ||
| Is someone going to be able to adjust what the molecules that differentiate between gold and lead and platinum and silver? | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| They can do it with diamonds. | ||
| I mean, they're like the 3D printers, Jeff. | ||
| Sort of, but diamonds, that's like you're smashing something with intense pressure and creating a new thing with it. | ||
| But you're not turning something into something that's not. | ||
| It's like a natural sort of metamorphosis, right? | ||
| Doesn't that make sense? | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| Because we know what the chain reaction that causes diamonds, or the chemical reaction, the pressure and carbon and millions of years or... | ||
| Some crazy fucking thing that the Russians invent that makes diamonds out of nothing. | ||
| Well, have you ever heard the idea that alchemy was a code for a secret society that was trying to teach people to become enlightened through science? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, lead into gold. | ||
| The idea of the transmutation of lead into gold. | ||
| Even though it was a focus of alchemy, there was a deeper level, which was the idea that they're talking about the transformation of the human consciousness from going to... | ||
| A useless, empty, robotic state to a fully realized state. | ||
| And once you go to that state, you don't care if something's gold. | ||
| The material universe doesn't mean anything anymore. | ||
| I'd never heard that before. | ||
| I'd always heard it just described as someone trying to manipulate one form of matter to turn it into something more valuable. | ||
| There's a great movie by this guy, and it's fucking trippy, dude. | ||
| You know who Jodorowsky is? | ||
| You ever heard of him? | ||
| No. | ||
| How do you say his name? | ||
| Jodorowsky? | ||
| Joe Jodorowsky. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| J-O. I'm going to spell it wrong. | ||
| That's his last name. | ||
| Joe Jodorowsky. | ||
| His last name? | ||
| Joe Jodorowsky. | ||
| Alejandro Jodorowsky. | ||
| And there's a movie that he made called The Holy Mountain. | ||
| Alejandro Jodorowsky. | ||
| Yeah, look up Alejandro Jodorowsky. | ||
| It's actually W-S-K-Y. J-O-D-O-R-O-W-S-K-Y. I think John Lennon paid for the movie, The Holy Mountain. | ||
| But like, check it out. | ||
| It was like at the time he had this teacher who was telling him, well, while you're making this movie, just take as much LSD as you can. | ||
| Always sound advice. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| It's on YouTube. | ||
| Why don't you have a part of your website that has all these movies you recommend and all this shit? | ||
| Because you always bring out this crazy shit out of nowhere. | ||
| You should totally have that. | ||
| I should have a little listing or something. | ||
| You really should. | ||
| Throw it on your Amazon marketplace. | ||
| You need to be more active with your web presence, fella. | ||
| Well, I mean, I got the podcast and I tweet. | ||
| Yeah, but your website, you know? | ||
| I used to do a lot more work on it now until I've been working on this book. | ||
| I haven't been really writing it this much. | ||
| I gotta update it, man. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I love your website, by the way. | ||
| I put it on a couple computers at Apple the other day. | ||
| Ah, thanks. | ||
| Homepaged it. | ||
| Is it Artistic Terrorism? | ||
| No, it's DuncanTrustle.com. | ||
| You used to have the other one. | ||
| Artistic terrorism got yanked by me from some fucking Russian punks. | ||
| What? | ||
| I didn't renew it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And then the next thing I knew, I went to artistic terrorism. | ||
| It's like some Russian site. | ||
| You can't get it back? | ||
| No. | ||
| See you later. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Is that how it works? | ||
| It's pretty easy for that to happen. | ||
| That happens all the time. | ||
| A lot of people think it's their hosting. | ||
| That sounds like a name the guy who drowned himself in the bathtub would come up with. | ||
| Artistic terrorism. | ||
| That was just a long time ago. | ||
| Fuck that name. | ||
| Do you remember when you worked at the Comedy Store and I used to call you up and we'd have long ass fucking crazy conversations while you were working there? | ||
| Yeah, that's how we got to be friends. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, I used to know Duncan from Duncan hanging out there and then Duncan started working for the store and I would call up and Duncan and I would have long fucking bizarre conversations that would last for hours while you were working. | ||
| Pretty much this would happen over the phone. | ||
| And Duncan, here's proof that Duncan practices what he preaches. | ||
| When he was working at the Comedy Store, that's when the Pauly Shore reality show came around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And everybody else went along with it. | ||
| And Duncan's like, you know what? | ||
| I don't want to be a part of this. | ||
| And you quit. | ||
| I quit. | ||
| Yeah, you didn't have an option. | ||
| I didn't want to be on that show. | ||
| Well, man, what started happening is like, it seemed like, you know, he was talking about trying to make a show happen. | ||
| And then the show started happening for real and all of a sudden I couldn't sleep at night and I was grinding my teeth because of the idea of having to be on this reality show. | ||
| And I would wake up and my teeth would be grinding and I'd be like, oh, and this fucking feeling in the pit of my stomach like, oh no, this is it? | ||
| This is how you're going to... | ||
| Because I didn't know at the time I was like, fuck, what if the show takes off? | ||
| What if you're the fucking guy who works with Polly at the comedy store? | ||
| You're not a comedian. | ||
| You're just a guy behind a desk answering the phone from Mitzi. | ||
| It was just like the most humiliating. | ||
| It would have been the worst thing ever. | ||
| Yeah, I gave you props. | ||
| That was cool. | ||
| That he did that. | ||
| Yeah, you really had a reaction to it. | ||
| A very, very, very strong reaction. | ||
| Which a lot of people wouldn't because this was an opportunity for you to get on television. | ||
| I'm going to get on TV. Ooh, I got to get on TV. I just got to get in front of those cameras at all costs. | ||
| Do you think you could have done Fear Factor? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| If someone came up to you and said, Hey, Duncan, we have this show. | ||
| We want you to host Fear Factor. | ||
| It's going to be this network reality show. | ||
| I don't think that would have been your... | ||
| You might not have done it. | ||
| You're a weird dude, man. | ||
| You might have walked away from it. | ||
| Let me explain the difference between... | ||
| And by the way, because I do not want to come off like I'm some kind of like saint or self-righteous, like super, like my artistic integrity. | ||
| Yeah, it wasn't just any reality show, by the way. | ||
| You had worked there and saw the toxic environment that you were dealing with for a long time. | ||
| And then saw that the most toxic of all was in control of this sort of project. | ||
| And it was going down all the wrong paths. | ||
| And you made a conscious decision. | ||
| I needed a way the fuck out of that job. | ||
| It was a desk job. | ||
| I needed to get the fuck out. | ||
| It seemed like a lot of things were aligning at the same time that gave me a way to move on instead of continuing in this job. | ||
| By the way, it was like a job where I was tired of it. | ||
| The guy who's the current talent coordinator was obviously really into the idea of having that job. | ||
| Like, for him, he wanted to do it. | ||
| Whereas for me, it was like it had gotten to the point where I wasn't inspired by it. | ||
| And it just seemed like... | ||
| To continue on would be the ultimate hypocrisy and would be a shitty move on every single level. | ||
| It's interesting because a lot of people would have never thought about it that way. | ||
| They would have thought, well, here's an opportunity. | ||
| Honestly, me, me personally, I probably would have thought about it and said, well, if I was working there, at least I'll get on television. | ||
| This will give me an opportunity to maybe branch off and do other things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, man, I've got a really weird hang-up when it comes to performance, which is that I think that people, if they're performing for something that's making money, deserve to get paid for it. | ||
| And so when I do our comedy show at the cemetery... | ||
| Thursday. | ||
| Oh yeah, it's Thursday. | ||
| We pay our comedians, we pay everyone who performs. | ||
| And if I'm shooting something, even if it's something that I'm not getting paid for. | ||
| If someone comes and is in a sketch I come up with, I pay them. | ||
| I give them money because they drove out there and gave me their time and they fucking deserve it. | ||
| I believe that you should be compensated for art. | ||
| I think that it's one of the highest things ever. | ||
| Another thing that was a little off-putting about that show is that I was clearly going to... | ||
| It wasn't just like they were going to film me at my desk doing my job. | ||
| It was like they wanted to create a heightened reality. | ||
| what i mean which they wanted you to fake shit and yeah and follow a script and so i brought it was a bad script and so i said you know well what what it i mean for one i was i was even then i was in a after i was in an actor's union it's like so wait a minute you're not gonna pay me for acting You have to. | ||
| I know that you're making money. | ||
| Anyone who's acting and spending their time involved in this thing should be getting paid. | ||
| They should get a little piece. | ||
| But you weren't going to get paid. | ||
| The producer said to me... | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| No way. | ||
| This is a documentary. | ||
| We're shooting a documentary. | ||
| You're not. | ||
| There's no... | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| There's no payment involved. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Who is the producer? | ||
| Whoever was producing the show. | ||
| They literally told you that you were going to be on the show and not get paid at all? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you were going to be on TV making your salary from the comedy store? | ||
| Correct. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Whoa, what a bunch of cunts. | ||
| I did not know that at all. | ||
| Does that surprise you, given the toxic environment that we were talking about where you knew about comics opening for him and not getting paid and all sorts of other shit? | ||
| Yeah, you're doing it for the store, buddy. | ||
| See, and that's the problem about that attitude, which is in so many different aspects of society, which is where the artist is given the impression that they are lucky to be doing their art in a certain place. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That is fucking Satanism. | ||
| That is not how it works, man. | ||
| It's like, I don't care what the fucking place is. | ||
| If it's a place that's making money and generating money off the artist, the artist is at the top of the fucking pyramid. | ||
| That's just logic. | ||
| If there's a fucking guy who makes beautiful cabinets, the most beautiful cabinets in the world, that guy is not going to be like, man, I am so lucky to be in this workshop where they let me make these cabinets. | ||
| No. | ||
| The Comedy Store is the worst case example of a place that thinks it's the star. | ||
| The place that thinks it's what's important. | ||
| Well, let me just say... | ||
| It's changed a lot lately. | ||
| Yeah, it has. | ||
| It's a totally different place. | ||
| I have to stick up for the place because... | ||
| Well, I go up there regularly and I... The comics kind of took it back. | ||
| The comics kind of took it back. | ||
| But that's not just it. | ||
| How's that possible? | ||
| Honestly, the place is under... | ||
| Is Dean still the manager? | ||
| I've never seen him there anymore. | ||
| The place has undergone a fucking geologic shift. | ||
| They're putting on really good acts right now. | ||
| It's fucking packed all the time. | ||
| It's got a really exciting, good vibe there. | ||
| And that period of stagnation and weirdness that when you... | ||
| Which made you... | ||
| Which drove you out... | ||
| That's long gone. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| So what do you think killed that? | ||
| Mencia not being around anymore? | ||
| I wouldn't... | ||
| Or changed it? | ||
| Because he's still welcome to go there, right? | ||
| Mencia? | ||
| Yeah, he can still go there and go out anytime he wants. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think he has to call in now where he needs to have to. | ||
| I think Sarah Silverman just went up there. | ||
| She's there all the time. | ||
| Every time I go in there, I'm like... | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It's generally just like burgeoning. | ||
| You know what it seems like? | ||
| It seems like the management kind of took a couple steps back. | ||
| I don't know if they were told to or that they just kind of got bored of trying to be... | ||
| Because now it seems like really you just see the comics. | ||
| Like the comics are just all... | ||
| That's always best case scenario. | ||
| You know, this talk about people getting paid. | ||
| Here's another interesting topic that I wanted to bring up to you. | ||
| And we'll just end on this because we've been going on forever. | ||
| There's a lot of podcasts that are doing podcasts now in front of live audiences. | ||
| And it's a way of generating revenue for the podcast. | ||
| But they're not paying the people that are guests on the podcast. | ||
| And one invited me, and I'm not going to name any names, but invited me to go and be on one of their podcasts in front of a live audience. | ||
| And I said, no. | ||
| No one's getting paid. | ||
| Someone's going to drive an hour away. | ||
| And I've done this before, by the way, because it's kind of a... | ||
| You know, it's an opportunity to go and be on something and, you know, have some fun and, you know, and network with all these other people that are doing these things. | ||
| But at a certain point in time, you're like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| How much do you charge? | ||
| It costs 20 bucks to get in or 30 bucks to get in and you've got 500 people in here. | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| Is this a comedy show? | ||
| Because if it's a comedy show, then it makes sense that, you know, you're the headliner, but you have to pay the opening act. | ||
| You gotta pay the middle act. | ||
| You gotta pay everyone who performs on your show. | ||
| You know, with the bandwidth, though, that podcasts have been racking up on some people, like, what was Adam Carolla saying that he was paying up to $5,000 a month? | ||
| I think he said $10,000. | ||
| $10,000 a month. | ||
| I mean, that shit's real shit, man. | ||
| That fucking bandwidth. | ||
| Podcasts are usually about 100 megabytes each. | ||
| He times that by, I don't know, a couple hundred thousand people. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yes, but you know what? | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| How much does it benefit those comics to be on the show? | ||
| It benefits them a bit, but it definitely benefits the person who's running the podcast to have a star on their podcast. | ||
| If you're going to do it in front of a live audience... | ||
| It's a weird situation right now. | ||
| It's a weird dynamic. | ||
| It almost feels like we need a union to step in. | ||
| How can you do that? | ||
| There's just a basic logic... | ||
| That should go behind... | ||
| If you're making a show, if you're producing a show, there's just a basic logic. | ||
| The basic logic is the performers are the heart of the show. | ||
| If you're making money, you have to compensate them. | ||
| That's just logic. | ||
| You're not doing them a favor by letting them perform. | ||
| But you are kind of a little bit because you're giving them exposure. | ||
| Think about every time you come on this show. | ||
| This show, obviously, we're not getting paid except for the sponsor. | ||
| And the sponsor basically... | ||
| It's all gone. | ||
| I mean, the sponsor pays for bandwidth and Brian and a bunch of other things, and it's all gone. | ||
| But you get on a show like this, and for sure, it elevates you and makes people aware of you. | ||
| But on the other hand, the show's way better when you're on. | ||
| It benefits us, too. | ||
| That used to bother me a lot about radio shows. | ||
| Someone would say something douche about someone, the person wouldn't want to do the show anymore, and they would say, hey, didn't we help you? | ||
| Didn't we help you out? | ||
| Yeah, but you can look at it that way, but you'd also look at it like you need to have funny people on your show for your show to be good. | ||
| You should be happy they go on. | ||
| Here's the difference, man. | ||
| This show, for one, I've made a fortune in flashlights. | ||
| I've had so fucking many. | ||
| And the other thing about it is we're friends and there's no sense of like, you're lucky to be here. | ||
| This is the best venue for you, though, man. | ||
| This is the best opportunity that people have ever had to get a look at what's special about you and weird about you. | ||
| To have these long-ass two-and-a-half-plus-hour conversations where you get into weird depth about shit. | ||
| People get a chance to see your personality in a way you would never get exposed to on a talk show. | ||
| There's no way in some seven-minute clip on, you know, name the show. | ||
| I don't know anything. | ||
| Jimmy Fallon. | ||
| Name, you know, whatever the show is. | ||
| Any of those shows. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| Are you going to talk about something for seven minutes? | ||
| You mean sitting at the desk when you come up with a cup of coffee? | ||
| You don't know people. | ||
| The way people know us from doing this show, they know you in a deep, deep way. | ||
| There's no other opportunity to get this close to people, this close to the workings of the mind. | ||
| Dude, I have fucking still ongoing conversations happening on Facebook with people from this podcast who like, I'll tell them something crazy and then they'll email me like the most insane, subversive fucking video or just like... | ||
| Really crazy shit. | ||
| Sometimes I can't go on Facebook if I'm too stoned because I'll start getting paranoid because there'll be some heavy-duty, weird fucking shit up there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know what, man? | ||
| This is what's going on. | ||
| This is what's going on. | ||
| We are connecting with like-minded people in a way that's never been available before, and it's starting a network. | ||
| It's not just a network with podcasts, with the Death Squad podcast and yours, the Lavender Hour. | ||
| You know, it's that, but it's also a network with all these fucking people on Facebook, and all these people on Twitter, and these people that I met in Australia that came to the show, and these people that are, I've got a show this weekend, or this week, rather, Wednesday night, yeah, Wednesday night, I'm at the Louisville, Kentucky Improv. | ||
| That's my next gig. | ||
| And that's another one. | ||
| This is all promoted just strictly straight from Twitter. | ||
| You're going to have fun there, man. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| We have fun everywhere, and that's the deal. | ||
| I mean, I have fun in Australia. | ||
| We're bringing these people all together, and people are getting connected, and there's a movement going on. | ||
| There's a movement of the mind. | ||
| This is an opportunity for people to find and connect with like-minded people about things that they thought were interesting that fucking was not available just a year ago. | ||
| It was not available two years ago or three years ago. | ||
| It's like this new thought, this new hive mind that's being created. | ||
| And I'm not taking responsibility for it. | ||
| It's creating itself. | ||
| It's always been things that I've always been interested in, and it's always been things that you've always been interested in. | ||
| But it's refining and altering the way that I think about the world, because I'll say... | ||
| I'll obviously say some pretty stupid shit that I haven't thought about. | ||
| And I'll get an email or five Facebook messages correcting whatever fact. | ||
| And usually very politely. | ||
| Usually, yeah, very politely. | ||
| And it's just like, oh, okay. | ||
| And then I'll find myself walking the next day, like walking my dog and just thinking about that way that my new version of the universe. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And that's evolution. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's ours. | ||
| It's theirs. | ||
| I've said this many times that I've talked to a bunch of people that have said they don't know anybody like us. | ||
| They don't ever have the chance to have these opportunities to have these conversations with people that are near them. | ||
| But they get to sit in on these conversations and it's changing the way they think. | ||
| Well, it changes the way I think, too, because we're having these conversations on a really regular basis where we know we're broadcasting them. | ||
| So we know a lot of the shit we say, we have to check it. | ||
| We have to correct it. | ||
| We have to do some Google searching. | ||
| We have to consider our options, consider the contrary argument. | ||
| And then we'll get all sorts of different cool comments and different links and different things. | ||
| Here's another thing that they're doing on my message board. | ||
| Every time there's a podcast, they'll start a thread where they analyze the podcast as it goes along. | ||
| And then they'll put links up and videos up to things that we're talking about. | ||
| It's fucking amazing, man. | ||
| And it's all natural. | ||
| It's all just a natural occurrence. | ||
| It's all just... | ||
| It's just grown out of interest, and it spreads, and then people contribute to it, and then it gets larger and larger. | ||
| I mean, it really is. | ||
| There's a hive mind. | ||
| It's going on, bitches. | ||
| It's going on right now, and that's how we're going to end this fucking thing. | ||
| Can I say something I've got coming up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Please! | ||
| No plugs! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I forgot. | |
| Capitalism boy! | ||
| Comedy is dead. | ||
| Yes, when is it? | ||
| This Thursday. | ||
| This Thursday? | ||
| We've got this gay, this gay. | ||
| And it's at a funeral, by the way. | ||
| It's not a funeral, it's a cemetery. | ||
| Comedy's Dead is at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| It's not a live funeral. | ||
| Occasionally someone will die on stage. | ||
| It's in a Masonic Lodge at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. | ||
| And this... | ||
| What's the address? | ||
| Uh, 6000 Santa Monica Boulevard. | ||
| And we've got Neil Hamburger. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If you haven't seen him, you have to see him. | ||
| But this guy I'm really excited about. | ||
| We have Mary Lynn Rice Cub from 24. Yes. | ||
| And we've got, uh, this guy I'm super excited. | ||
| You should give her that book I just gave you. | ||
| You should read that on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut up! | |
| There's a guy named Kay Strauss, who's the yo-yo guy who invaded all these TV stations in the Midwest. | ||
| Oh, I saw that. | ||
| And he's going to be performing on the show. | ||
| Explain that real quick. | ||
| This will be the end. | ||
| Because this guy, he went on these shows and pretended that he knows how to do the yo-yo for kids. | ||
| He did a character on these morning shows. | ||
| Apparently, you could just send them a letter and say, I'm traveling through schools doing environmental lessons and using yo-yos to do it. | ||
| And it kind of seems like a nice, feel-good story. | ||
| And so they invite him in. | ||
| He's wearing this ridiculous outfit. | ||
| He's a character actor on the level when Kaufman would do his stuff. | ||
| He's that fucking good. | ||
| And he's this addled guy who comes on stage with a yo-yo and doesn't really get to the yo-yo. | ||
| They finally end up having to ask him to do it. | ||
| And every time they... | ||
| And every time they ask him to do it, something awful goes wrong. | ||
| The yo-yo breaks. | ||
| He can't yo-yo. | ||
| He's terribly yo-yoing. | ||
| And he just leaves them hanging every time. | ||
| Well, it's awkward and they want to make him feel better, but he's clearly out of it. | ||
| It's all on YouTube. | ||
| What's his name again? | ||
| K-Strauss. | ||
| S-T-R-A-S-S. The yo-yo guy. | ||
| K-Strauss? | ||
| K-Strauss. | ||
| The letter K? K, yeah. | ||
| The letter K and then S-T-R-A-U-S-S? S-T-R-A-S-S. A-S-S? Yeah. | ||
| And what is he going to do at your show? | ||
| He's got a show based around, the character is going to, his character will be there and he does a yo-yo show for everybody. | ||
| So it's basically the same thing? | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| Well, you don't know, right? | ||
| Well, no, I saw him do it. | ||
| Has he been doing stand-up or is he just doing this kind of weird performance art thing? | ||
| He just does this performance art character. | ||
| How long has he been doing it? | ||
| He's obviously been doing some form of character comedy for a while because he's too good at it to not have fucking practiced a lot. | ||
| Or he could be crazy, right? | ||
| I met him. | ||
| He's not. | ||
| He's a super nice guy. | ||
| He's like a really cool... | ||
| Is he on drugs? | ||
| No. | ||
| Is he on Charlie Sheen? | ||
| Do you want to hear a little bit of them? | ||
| What? | ||
| On the news? | ||
| Nah, we're done. | ||
| This fucking thing's been gone for three hours now. | ||
| Thank you, Duncan Trussell, for coming on. | ||
| You're the man. | ||
| You're the man. | ||
| No, I shouldn't even say you're the man. | ||
| You're a fascinating human being. | ||
| One of my best friends, and I'm honored that you could be my friend and come on the podcast. | ||
| You're cool as fuck, and it's awesome having you on here. | ||
| And Lavender Hour, you can download off iTunes. | ||
| And you guys have a website? | ||
| LavenderHour.com. | ||
| And it's him and Natasha Leggero. | ||
| Leggero. | ||
| Leggero. | ||
| And it's a very, very funny podcast. | ||
| Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring the show. | ||
| If you go to joerogan.net and click the link and enter in the code name ROGAN, you get 15% off. | ||
| Louisville Improv. | ||
| I don't know if there's tickets still available. | ||
| There wasn't very many left. | ||
| But it's this Wednesday night with me and my man Tom Segura. | ||
| Shit's jumping off. | ||
| And then we'll be back at... | ||
| We'll be back at Sal's Comedy Hole next Wednesday. | ||
| And we'll also have a couple of podcasts next week. | ||
| I got a couple of good things cooking. | ||
| So Brian Callen will be on this Friday. | ||
| So that'll be the next one. | ||
| And I'll also put up the podcast on a plane with Ari Shafir. | ||
| All right, that's it, bitches! | ||
| That's the end of this fantastical podcast. | ||
| And listen to our Steve-O podcast over at the Death Squad and our Blackout. | ||
| Yeah, don't listen to the Blackout one. | ||
| UFC Blackout and the Super Blackout. | ||
| Yeah, the UFC Blackout maybe. | ||
| That Super Blackout one. | ||
| I'm going to step in and intervene. | ||
| Joe, you've got to listen to it at least before you judge it. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| He gets drunk with crazy broads and literally they get hammered and slobber over each other and threaten to kill each other. | ||
| Why would anyone want to watch that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's awesome. | |
| All right, folks. | ||
| Yeah, well, if you've got nothing to do, check it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It sounds awesome. | |
| All right, bitches. | ||
| We will see you soon on Friday, and I'll see you crazy freaks in Louisville, Kentucky, and maybe I could talk you out of escaping or creating something better in Louisville. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye! | |
| Maybe a bit of anarchy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Thank you. |
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