Oct. 9, 2010 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:20:47
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Ladies and gentlemen, we are live! | ||
| Live on the podcast with The Voice! | ||
| Yeah, baby! | ||
| Michael Chiavello, a meeting of the minds, ladies and gentlemen, to mixed martial arts connoisseurs, if you will, together on a podcast. | ||
| Sponsored, by the way, by The Fleshlight, as always. | ||
| Now they have a new Avatar version out. | ||
| It's not really Avatar. | ||
| They can't say Avatar, but you know what you're fucking. | ||
| It's blue. | ||
| It's a blue vagina. | ||
| These are like they've got in Tokyo. | ||
| They're called Tengas over there. | ||
| They're huge sellers at Don Quixote stores. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| Which, for us mixed martial arts fans, Don Quixote is also the major sponsor of Sengoku. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| What is Don Quixote? | ||
| It's a store. | ||
| No, it's a store where you can buy everything from fashion to food to fucking sex shit like this. | ||
| And they sell these things called Tenga. | ||
| It's similar to this, but a bit smaller because the Japanese have really small cocks. | ||
| Sorry to all of our Japanese fans, but you do. | ||
| Rude. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| And yeah, the guys buy these things, tingers, and they rip the leaves off, and they fuck them. | ||
| Well, this is the only sponsor I have for the show. | ||
| Well, I've done a couple other ones, but, you know, in the MP3 versions. | ||
| But this... | ||
| This company was sponsored by a guy whose wife was pregnant, and he couldn't fuck her, obviously. | ||
| Oh, so he invented something to fuck? | ||
| Came up with something to fuck, and now he's rich. | ||
| I mean, it's like his own personal, like, they came up with all these patents for what makes it feel the most like a pussy. | ||
| It's really fantastic shit, like, if you feel it. | ||
| I'm not feeling you fucking stuck your cock in there, man. | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| I wouldn't do that to you. | ||
| Promise me you've not stuck the rogue and fucking schlonger in there. | ||
| I have not done that. | ||
| I would not do that to you. | ||
| I would only give you a clean one. | ||
| Oh, you spit and two-fingered it. | ||
| Ooh, I feel dirty. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty cool. | ||
| It's nice, man. | ||
| Well, you know what I like the most about it, though? | ||
| That there's been a bunch of controversy about it. | ||
| I think Mayhem stuck his talking there, dude, when he was doing the podcast. | ||
| He wasn't here. | ||
| He just got this. | ||
| I just got this last week. | ||
|
unidentified
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Damn. | |
| Mayhem touched one. | ||
| I might have given him one. | ||
| I'll give you one if you want. | ||
| I got some extra. | ||
| That's right, I got my girlfriend here. | ||
| Shazam! | ||
| I know what you're saying, man. | ||
| It's everything, right? | ||
| Lonely times, brother. | ||
| Lonely times on the road. | ||
| Cantaloupes in the microwave. | ||
| You know, I only discovered like 12 months ago that the Japanese toilets all shoot water into your ass. | ||
| So I haven't wiped my ass in Japan for the last 10 months because it shoots water in your ass and cleans your ass out. | ||
| But! | ||
| That's really the way to do it. | ||
| It's the way to go. | ||
| And the seat warms and the seat tilts from side to side. | ||
| But if you shift back a little bit more, it goes from your ass and shoots onto your balls. | ||
| So the Japanese toilets can fondle your balls while you're lonely nights on the road and get your balls fondled and get the moisturized out. | ||
| So that's what you do? | ||
| I fondle my balls senseless, man, all on the road. | ||
| That's how I prepare for fight commentary. | ||
| How do you prepare? | ||
| Do you prepare? | ||
| You know almost everything there is to know about all these guys that are fighting. | ||
| One of the things that I appreciate about you is, just like me, if you weren't doing this, you would still be watching it just as much. | ||
| Still, man. | ||
| Lucky I'm a fan. | ||
| He's over here tonight, so we're going to watch Strikeforce. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| We're buddies. | ||
| We met in Edmonton, and we hung out in Australia, and now he's over at my house, and we're going to watch the fight tonight. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I can't wait. | ||
| But man, the only thing I like to do before I commentate is I just like listening to music, man. | ||
| I listen to music. | ||
| I don't talk very much. | ||
| Last year we drove to Dynamite, which from the hotel to go to Saitama in Tokyo is like a 50-minute drive. | ||
| And in the cab was like me and Irene and one of our producers. | ||
| And I said to both of them, I go, you two talk to each other because I put these headphones on and just don't talk to anyone. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Just chill out, man. | ||
| Just like to be in a good state of mind when you get in there. | ||
| Just in a good state of mind. | ||
| Dude, I play some cheesy-ass songs. | ||
| Like seriously, if you saw the 10 songs I play before I go on air, there's cheesy ass fucking- Like what? | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Dude, I got everything from the theme from- Joe Esposito theme from Karate Kid, You're the Best Around, right? | ||
| You know that one? | ||
| To like the theme from fucking Grease. | ||
| Like songs from the musical Grease. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, weird shit, dude. | ||
| What's that about? | ||
| And that gets you excited? | ||
| For real? | ||
| Oh, like the hand jive. | ||
| The Grease hand jive song? | ||
| Really? | ||
| I'm going to do the hand jive, baby. | ||
| That one, right? | ||
| I'm like, I'm about to go on air and come and take K1 and dream. | ||
| I'm like, hand jive. | ||
| That would drive me crazy. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| Fucking Grease. | ||
| One Man's Poison. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I make sure I'm well prepared. | ||
| I do my research and all that sort of shit, but I know most of the guys anyway. | ||
| I like some bad music. | ||
| What do you like? | ||
| I like some country music that's terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I could have been a cowboy. | ||
| You know that song? | ||
| I like that song. | ||
|
unidentified
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Country music? | |
| Seriously? | ||
| I like some dumb Toby Keith style country music. | ||
|
unidentified
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Damn, that shit's evil, man. | |
| I like good country music, too. | ||
| I like Hank Williams Jr. I like that Matt Hughes song, Country Boy Can't Survive. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I fucking love that song. | ||
| That's a goddamn jam. | ||
| I used to like R&B, man, but now it shits me. | ||
|
unidentified
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You know what? | |
| Everyone is too gangster. | ||
| R&B is just... | ||
| At the end of the day, some guys, I'm going to say, I'm going to fuck him. | ||
| I'm going to pop a cap. | ||
| This motherfucker... | ||
| Oh, you can't get gangster in R&B. Dude, you sing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're a singer for a living. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know what would have happened to me if I told my dad when I was six years old, Daddy, I want to be a singer? | ||
| He would have fucking, get out on the street. | ||
| Well, they don't like to think of themselves as being, that's a feminine thing, so they overcompensate. | ||
| They sing for a fucking living. | ||
| But rapping's not singing, right? | ||
|
unidentified
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Rapping's sort of, Rapping is just fast talking to music, dude. | |
| It's more shit talk. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's fast talking. | |
| It's just shit talk. | ||
| It's like, I hate everybody. | ||
| There's like a rhythm to it, so it is kind of musical, but I like old R&B. I love Marvin Gaye. | ||
| That motherfucker just had a voice, man. | ||
| But I don't like the new stuff because I don't believe them. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like R. Kelly. | ||
| I love R. Kelly just because it's funny. | ||
| Just because it's so ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
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Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes. | |
| He sings that. | ||
| I mean, the shit that he sings is like a ghetto conversation and he just puts it to a song. | ||
| I can appreciate that. | ||
| And every second word is... | ||
| I don't know, it's like a bad word, a taboo word, like nigger, you know? | ||
| We don't have that in Australia. | ||
| You don't call anyone that. | ||
| There's hardly any black people in Australia. | ||
| But every second word... | ||
| So that word doesn't even exist? | ||
| No, we wouldn't say it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No. | ||
| So it's like Americans calling someone an abo? | ||
| Abbo. | ||
| Aborigine. | ||
| Aborigine, yeah. | ||
| See, abbo is a bad word. | ||
| It doesn't exist over here. | ||
| You call someone, hey, you fucking abbo, and they'll go, okay, what? | ||
| If I call a black guy in America an abbo, he goes, abbo, what's that? | ||
| If I call him a nigger, he's going to kill me. | ||
| But if you call an aborigine an abbo, it's the same thing as calling him a nigger? | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| They'll pour petrol on you and set you on fire. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| But I don't understand. | ||
| But that's just a short version of aborigine. | ||
| Yo, you've got to turn that shit off, son. | ||
| Dismiss alarm. | ||
| I don't know why it's on it like... | ||
| 5 in the afternoon. | ||
| It's time to get your balls folded by the toilet. | ||
| You got that shit out of the clock, you sick fuck. | ||
| But you're right. | ||
| It's an abbreviation. | ||
| It's like, if you're Jewish and I say you're Jew, nothing wrong with that. | ||
| Aboriginal, abbo. | ||
| Italian, itai. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that, man. | ||
| Australian, Aussie. | ||
| Yeah, what's wrong with that? | ||
| But abos hate being called abos. | ||
| I made a statement once saying the Japs have created some insane shit. | ||
| And this guy goes, do you know how racist that is that you just said that? | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| No, but the thing is... | ||
| We were talking about NSXs. | ||
| We were talking about engineering, like Japanese race car engineering. | ||
| Like, they've invented some incredible shit. | ||
| Their cars are so reliable. | ||
| And so I said, the Japs have invented some incredible shit. | ||
| This guy's like, do you know how racist that is? | ||
| Dude, I had this argument last year with someone, because I called someone a Jap back home. | ||
| And it's like the World War II alliance thing that it's racist to call Jap. | ||
| And I've gone... | ||
| We've got to get past that. | ||
| I've been working around Japanese people for... | ||
| For years. | ||
| And I'm sure I've called them Jap to their face and they don't mind. | ||
| And my mate's like, dude, that's so fucking racist. | ||
| It's just wrong. | ||
| You can't say Jap. | ||
| So I went to Japan and I asked my producer. | ||
| I said, dude, if I call you a Jap, are you offended? | ||
| He goes, no, it's short for Japanese. | ||
| I go, no offense. | ||
| You don't fucking start thinking Pearl Harbor and, you know, nuclear bombs on Hiroshima. | ||
| But people thought the Nips was far too offensive. | ||
| But Nippon! | ||
| That's how the Japanese say Japan. | ||
| They don't say Japan. | ||
| They say Nippons. | ||
| Some people are retarded, man. | ||
| It's a strange thing where people don't want to step on people's toes over nonsense. | ||
| An abbreviation of a name is bad. | ||
| Intent is the only thing that's bad. | ||
| Intent. | ||
| It's all in... | ||
| How do you feel like... | ||
| When you say, these Japs are fucking badass, they make some cool shit. | ||
| Or do you say, these Japs, these little tiny cocky yellow motherfuckers coming over here to fuck all the white women and take all the land and you start getting angry? | ||
| Well, then Japs is a bad thing. | ||
| But it's the intent behind it that's bad. | ||
| It's an abbreviation, man. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's an abbreviation. | ||
| People are always looking for a reason to be pissed off. | ||
| People are so pissed off just about life itself, about traffic and bullshit and bills and the constant monotony of work. | ||
| Everybody has a fucking opinion this day, man. | ||
| Why can't some people just shut the fuck up? | ||
| Like the fucking cocksuckers I read on the internet sometimes. | ||
| It's like, what qualifies you to have a fucking opinion that I should pay attention for? | ||
| Are you sitting behind your website fucking getting paid to put your opinion on there? | ||
| No! | ||
| Well, even the ones who are, there's a lot of websites out there. | ||
| There's a lot of bloggers, in my opinion, that aren't nearly as good as some of the commentary guys who post on like mixedmartialarts.com. | ||
| There's some fucking intelligent guys that I've been reading their posts for years, and I know that if there's a post about anything serious, well, this guy, if he posts something about it, this is going to be an interesting opinion. | ||
| I want to read this. | ||
| But how many writers can you say that about? | ||
| How many MMA writers? | ||
| Very few, man. | ||
| I think there's more talented people on forums. | ||
| No, the other thing with MMA writers is they are blinded to anything outside of the UFC. And I love the UFC because I'm a fucking huge MMA fan. | ||
| I don't think Josh Gross is. | ||
| Josh Gross is pretty open. | ||
| Josh, one of the rare ones. | ||
| There's a few that aren't, but a lot of them are blinded to anything that is not UFC. They might be scared. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| They might be scared. | ||
| They're scared they're going to be yanked their credentials from Dana. | ||
|
unidentified
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You know what I mean? | |
| Fucking careful with Dana. | ||
| Dana doesn't play. | ||
| I know, it's creepy. | ||
| But a lot of them don't even know anything about martial arts, bro. | ||
| You could not sit down and have a conversation about martial arts with them. | ||
| Dana is so competitive that he does have this environment where he feels like they should pay attention to the UFC first, and then if they don't, he's not very happy with that. | ||
| UFC is the one. | ||
| It's the promotion. | ||
| It is the one you're going to pay attention to first and foremost. | ||
| That attitude and pushing it like that is the reason why this fucking sport is gigantic. | ||
| The reason why it's going to Australia. | ||
| He's not lazy. | ||
| He's taking on all fronts. | ||
| So it's tough for journalists in that sense. | ||
| But there are some fucking talented guys out there. | ||
| Like Josh Gross is a talented journalist. | ||
| And he's honest about shit. | ||
| Sometimes he's a little hypercritical. | ||
| Sometimes guys get critical about dudes' abilities and characters, and they try to say something bitchy, because if someone puts in a bad performance, they feel like it's their job to be critical and to be shitty and bitter. | ||
| But it's like you've got nothing better to fucking write about. | ||
| I... I did the K-1 show last... | ||
| Here's a perfect point of view. | ||
| What do you say about a Krokop and a Muir fight? | ||
| When Krokop and Muir fight, man, there's not a lot of positive things to say. | ||
| The positive thing to say is the end of the fight, of course, Frank Muir landed a perfect knee and put Krokop away and then finished him, jumped all over him. | ||
| So that's the good thing to say. | ||
| But for everything up before that, what could a writer say? | ||
| So they just start going off about just the worst... | ||
| Possible shit that they could think of, you know, what's wrong with Frank Mir and how, you know, he's got this attitude and Crow Cop should hang it up and they'll just write the most bitter fucked up shit. | ||
| I think the human drama is far more compelling than the real drama of that fight. | ||
| That was a strange fight, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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The thing along with that fight, though, it's like they liked each other or something. | |
| Mirko came out and he said, even if I lose, I'm not going to get cut from UFC. So when I read that, I'm like, I don't want to fucking see this fight. | ||
| Did he say that? | ||
| He came out and said at one of the websites, like Mirko says, even if I lose, I can't get cut. | ||
| If that's the case, I don't want to fucking watch that fight, man. | ||
| Because already I know that you've got that in the back of your head. | ||
| I'm not sure if he really said that. | ||
| His words were maybe misconstrued. | ||
| It could be taken out of context. | ||
| If you lose this fight, do you think you'll be kicked out of the UFC? I hope not. | ||
| Mirko says he won't be kicked out of the UFC if he loses this fight. | ||
| Journalism sometimes is that bad. | ||
| Yeah, it's misconstrued. | ||
| It'll be misconceived. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And then it's reported the wrong way. | ||
| I read some shit that I supposedly said, and I was like, I didn't say it like that. | ||
| You know, you're missing what I'm saying. | ||
| That has been the big difference, bro, between commentating outside of America and then recently coming onto the American scene. | ||
| It's like you get people that sit there and watch the broadcast and analyze every fucking word and pause and breath you take and then dissect it down to the nitty gritty of mine. | ||
| It's bad and it's negative, but I also think it's good. | ||
| For me, personally, it's good. | ||
| I've learned a lot from shitty people online saying shitty things. | ||
| Because, you know, worst case scenario, what can they attack you on? | ||
| Is there any validity in this total piece of shit who's saying terrible things about you? | ||
| But, do they have a point? | ||
| And if they do have a point, then you can snatch victory from all their negative bullshit by using whatever they're saying and improving it. | ||
| In a way, if you use it positively, it acts as a watchdog for your own abilities and your own appearances on air. | ||
| I love to do that to total cunts, though. | ||
| I get personal freedom out of reading the shittiest, nastiest things that I know just some desperate, angry fuckhead says. | ||
| And turning it into a positive thing for me. | ||
| Like, I have this little game that I play with. | ||
| Because it's very difficult to do. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| I want to do, like, silent Bob and Jay style. | ||
| Like, hunt the fuckers down. | ||
| You get mad? | ||
| When you read shit about yourself, do you get mad? | ||
| Nah, you get used to it, man. | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| And I tend not to read a lot of it. | ||
| Because it's like, what am I going to do? | ||
| Sit there and read it and go, wow, I'm so super and fantastic. | ||
| Because people are giving you these compliments. | ||
| And then you read people that will bag you... | ||
|
unidentified
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Why? | |
| Well, it's good to know that people are enjoying what you do. | ||
| It's good to know. | ||
| It's good to know and to connect with them. | ||
| I saw you did that recently on the underground. | ||
| You made a post. | ||
| Yeah, my first time on the underground. | ||
| Dude, there's plenty of cool people on there. | ||
| I post on there all the time. | ||
| There's plenty of cool people there. | ||
| There's going to be douchebags no matter what. | ||
| When you have anonymous screen names and people can say anything they want, whenever you have that situation, there's going to be douchebags. | ||
| It's just sad though, man. | ||
| It's totally unbelievable. | ||
| Sure Dog, which has got some great posts, but also some ludicrally fucking ridiculous bullfuckers on there. | ||
| And so many pro fighters that I know and so many media guys just won't post on sites like that anymore because of the reason that people just attack and attack like fucking... | ||
| Piranhas, man! | ||
| A lot of hateful fucks out there. | ||
| A lot of hateful fucks out there. | ||
| But it's a fascinating thing, man, because we're finally getting to see that. | ||
| Everyone gets to see that now. | ||
| It used to be you never got to see that if you were a star. | ||
| Stars, I think, just 20 years ago were much more likely to believe in their own bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Back then, they never saw shit. | ||
| And if it got in a magazine, they approved it. | ||
| If it got in a newspaper, it had to be like big news, like Roman Polanski type news to make it in the newspaper. | ||
| But now, man, they're all up in your shit every day. | ||
| Man, everything is just taken apart and dissected. | ||
| Twitter, I'm getting used to Twitter. | ||
| I went Twitter's not big in Australia, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| There are two people in Australia who know about Twitter. | ||
| No one twitters. | ||
| Everyone's on fucking Facebook. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| No one twitters in Australia. | ||
| Some people are still stuck on MySpace. | ||
| Well, Twitter and Facebook on mine are connected. | ||
| So if I send something on Twitter, it goes to Facebook. | ||
| It says it there, too. | ||
| Dude, I so don't know about technology. | ||
| Your house is like fucking NASA in here, man. | ||
| You have more shuttles and shit. | ||
| I'm a technology junkie. | ||
| Dude, unbelievable. | ||
| I'm fascinated by what's going on with technology right now. | ||
| And man, can you seriously live any higher up on a fucking mountain or whatever? | ||
| I did, man. | ||
| When I was living in Colorado. | ||
| Look at a nosebleed drying up here, man. | ||
| Dude, this ain't shit. | ||
| This is civilization compared to where I was living. | ||
| I was living eight miles down a dirt road on the top of a mountain in Boulder. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fuck. | |
| Man, this is fire. | ||
| That's where I like to live. | ||
| I like to live up and above so that when, like, waves of water or waves of retards... | ||
| When the apocalypse comes and they come and... | ||
| Yeah, either waves of water or waves of retards, you see them coming up the hill. | ||
| I just like being away. | ||
| I think I'm very sensitive to people's energy and people's thoughts and their lives and their bullshit, so I like to be as... | ||
| When I sleep and when I'm at home and when I'm writing, when I'm by myself, I like to be as far away from people as possible. | ||
| Man, it's cool, because all the houses here are different. | ||
| They're not all the same. | ||
| And other guarded communities I've seen here in the States, because we don't have guarded communities in Oz, the houses look all the same, though. | ||
| And up here, they're all different. | ||
| And on the guard gate, there's two guards. | ||
| How's this? | ||
| Two guards named Ralph. | ||
| At once, on duty. | ||
| I read the on-duty sign. | ||
| There's three of them. | ||
| Two of them are named Ralph. | ||
| When did you ever get two Ralphs together? | ||
| Maybe they're not even real, man. | ||
| Maybe it's a conspiracy. | ||
| It's like there's a rule, man, in the world, like those Coca-Cola inventors that had to be at least 50 feet apart from each other at all times. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| It's like you never see two Ralphs in the same room. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Coca-Cola inventors had to be 50 feet apart from each other? | ||
| Did you ever hear that urban legend as a kid? | ||
| No. | ||
| Like the inventors of Coca-Cola or the inventors of KFC, Kentucky Fried Chicken, with the secret recipe that they carry around on them all the time must at least be 50 feet apart. | ||
| So if one of them dies, the other one survives. | ||
| So if one of them dies, the other one survives. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Could you imagine if a recipe was that valuable? | ||
| The KFC? Secret 11 Herbs and Spices! | ||
| LAUGHTER Nothing will fuck up your KFC appetite like watching one of those PETA videos. | ||
| I love fucking children's urban legends, man. | ||
| That's what I told you about, about being a black belt when the kid said to me in grade five, we're talking about martial arts, and he's like, you can't be any more than a third damn black belt in Australia, or you've got to get out of the country because you're then a lethal weapon and have a license to kill. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And I'm like, I believed that for years, man. | ||
| I would probably believe it, too. | ||
|
unidentified
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I believe it. | |
| Wow, you just can't get too deadly, I guess. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Speaking about urban legends, do you get the same ones that we do here? | ||
| Did you guys get the Richard Gere gerbil rumor? | ||
| Oh, in the ass? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I didn't get that, man, because we didn't know what gerbils were, because we call them, I think it's what we call guinea pig in Australia. | ||
| No, we have guinea pigs too. | ||
| Guinea pigs are much bigger though. | ||
| What's a gerbil? | ||
| It's like a rat. | ||
| It's almost like a mouse. | ||
| Now, people genuinely stick mice up their ass. | ||
| Look, if you've thought of it, someone's put it up their ass. | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| And I knew about this. | ||
| I didn't want to know about this, but I knew about my buddy Steve Graham, who is a friend of mine from back when I was like 15 years old and still good friends. | ||
| He's a doctor, and he did his residency in Miami, and he got to see everything. | ||
| And this dude used to tell me about gunshot wounds, and every day they'd be pulling some new thing out of a dude's ass. | ||
| Dr. Nick Nicoletu back in Melbourne. | ||
| So a doctor friend of mine. | ||
| Great doctor to go to dinner with because he'll tell you ass stories for hours. | ||
| He pulled a working dildo. | ||
| The dildo was still on. | ||
| In a guy's colon, it was lodged. | ||
| It went so far fucking up his inside. | ||
| And he had to milk it out of the guy's fucking colon and shoot it out of his ass. | ||
| And the dildo was still on. | ||
| Some other guy went in there and had a fucking brim, a fish up his ass. | ||
| A brim! | ||
| Fucking brim up his ass. | ||
| The thing that shocked my friend the most was glass. | ||
| He said a lot of them have glass up their ass. | ||
| They'll stick bottles and jars and the jars break. | ||
| Oh no, the freakiest one from what Dr. Nick told me was, it wasn't about ass, it was two gay guys that came to see him. | ||
| No, one gay guy came to see him and he had a problem with his cock. | ||
| His cock had all this puss and shit coming out of it. | ||
| Oh my lord. | ||
| So Dr. Nick's had a look at his cock, you know, he's gone... | ||
| I just don't know what I'm seeing here, dude. | ||
| It's like, what have you been doing? | ||
| What would the reason for this be? | ||
| So the gay guy proceeded to tell him, he thought, well, this might be the reason. | ||
| What him and his gay lover were doing, they were getting thin pieces of piping like this, right? | ||
| Long pipes. | ||
| He would stick it into his urethra and then connect the other end to his gay lover's urethra and then they would piss back and forth. | ||
| They would piss between their cocks. | ||
| So he was pissing into his lover's cock and then his lover pissing back into his cock. | ||
| And he's gone into the doctor saying, Doc, my cock's going to fucking pass over it. | ||
| Why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And Dr. Nick's like, why the fuck do you think you are sharing urine with another human being you do? | |
| With a metal through your dick. | ||
| It's probably the metal rod through the dick that fucked him up more than the piss. | ||
| Pissing back and forth. | ||
| His piss is basically sterile. | ||
| Oh, and what was the other story he told me about this fat chick that came in one day? | ||
| Like, mega fat. | ||
| Like, you know, what's eating Gilbert Grape, that fucking big fat chick? | ||
| 500 pounds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, huge. | |
| What do you guys use? | ||
| Kilos? | ||
| Kilos. | ||
| So she'd be like 280 kilos. | ||
| Like Akebono size. | ||
| 500 pounds sounds better though. | ||
| Yeah, 500 pounds. | ||
| That's like Yokozuna size, man. | ||
| Kilos are just too big a year. | ||
| So let's say this fucking gargantuan behemoth comes in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And she came in... | ||
| And she'd stuck her tampon too far up her pussy. | ||
| So she asked Dr. Nick to get it out. | ||
| So he had to get the fucking pliers, the tongs, and go in this girl's fucking cavern, right? | ||
| She got through all the fat in her thighs, and pull out her tampon. | ||
| She came back the next month with the very same problem. | ||
| And she was coming back for four months in a row with the same problem of sticking her tampon too far up her cunt to be able to pull it out. | ||
| So eventually Dr. Nick realised that when he was... | ||
| Because he'd never looked her in the face. | ||
| Because you don't look her in the face when you're pulling shit out of her tampon. | ||
| This time he had an inkling. | ||
| So he's like... | ||
| He's sticking tongs up her pussy. | ||
| And because this girl's a fucking animal, a fucking beached whale, no one's ever going to touch her vag. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Clit's probably never been touched since she was born. | ||
| So that felt good to her. | ||
| So for her, he's going inside. | ||
| She's like... | ||
| Like that. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And he realizes, he's realized that she's been coming in. | ||
| Stuffing tampons up her pussy so that he'll go get them. | ||
| So who'd go fucking fish in there and get the tampons out? | ||
| See, for a girl like that, there should be a place where you go where guys will just finger you. | ||
| I'm all for that. | ||
| You know, when I talk about being for prostitution, I'm all for dudes doing it too. | ||
| I'm for dudes eating girls' pussies and fingering them. | ||
| This is what gets me though, bro. | ||
| I never understood what the big deal is about getting a handjob. | ||
| You know, you get a massage sometimes. | ||
| What if you're a girl, though? | ||
| It's way more of a big deal for a girl. | ||
| What I'm saying for girls is that would be a sweet spot for them, like a store, where they could just go and get fingered. | ||
| And there's like a hole in the wall, and our hands could just go through and just change the clits. | ||
| You don't have to go out with some dude just because you need sex. | ||
| You can just fucking be all right. | ||
| You can get it when you really want it. | ||
| Get into a relationship that you really appreciate. | ||
| Nice, clean, sterilized hand. | ||
| A little bit of clitoral stimulation during your lunch break. | ||
| Probably takes 10 minutes. | ||
| Listerine kills all the germs every time. | ||
| You're done. | ||
| Back to a high-powered afternoon in the office. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, come on. | ||
| Let that guy eat your box and just finger-bang you. | ||
| You feel so much better. | ||
| So we all know what Joe Rogan is doing when he retires from UFC commentary. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Setting up the world's first chain of self-fingering sell-offs. | ||
| We need more progress in this world before the world's ready to accept my ideas, sir. | ||
| True. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Finger-banging stations. | ||
| Bring in the hole in the wall where guys can just go and stick their junk in a fucking glory hole and get tossed off by some chick on the other side of the hole. | ||
| Yeah, what I suggested was... | ||
| There would be so much less frustration. | ||
| It would be like one of those things where you do confession. | ||
| What are those? | ||
| Yeah, like those... | ||
| What's that called? | ||
| Confessional? | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| They go inside the professional, they kneel on a pew. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So you're in this little phone booth type situation, and you have a monitor in front of you. | ||
| You can watch some porn. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And she just sticks her hand through a hole in the wall. | ||
| Oh, even better. | ||
| You can even watch the monitor of the girl on the other side. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Jerking you off. | ||
| Yeah, but what if she's gross? | ||
| Like, she doesn't even have to be good looking this way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's true. | |
| All she has to do is just be good at jerking dudes off. | ||
| That way you don't even have to see her. | ||
| Franchise coming. | ||
| The Rugger and Chevello House of Handjobs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch porn. | |
| House of Handjobs. | ||
| You don't even get to see what's happening below your waist. | ||
| Yeah, let's see. | ||
| She's a trained professional. | ||
| After 10 minutes, you're right. | ||
| The tension's gone. | ||
| The stress is gone. | ||
| And you're just ready for the day. | ||
| We can't handle that shit here in America. | ||
| We're a bunch of pussies. | ||
| We don't want it. | ||
| We don't want it. | ||
| We want people to be repressed. | ||
| We want people to just be non-sexual. | ||
| We want people to be a slave to whatever relationship they're in. | ||
| Dude, Americans are super paranoid, man. | ||
| If I was living here and watching your news every night, I would fucking be scared to look out my window. | ||
| You are in the United States of America. | ||
| You are right now in the balls of the dick that's fucking the world. | ||
| This is a crazy-ass place to live. | ||
| It is fucked, man. | ||
| It's fucked. | ||
| Seriously, everyone is paranoid. | ||
| There's too many people here. | ||
| News analyzes stuff far too much. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| Do you watch Fox News? | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| It's from an Aussie, Rippin Murdoch. | ||
| That's the irony. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's fucked up. | |
| I watch Fox News and just go, what the fuck? | ||
| It is too much. | ||
| Everyone is. | ||
| I mean, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, too. | ||
| They literally manifest their own war against the liberals. | ||
| It wasn't Fox News. | ||
| It was that whole thing about when Bush was voted in for the first time. | ||
| And Fox News did something about the voting polls. | ||
| You know when Bush beat Gore? | ||
| And Gore was actually the guy that won it, but Bush got in. | ||
| And Fox News had something to do with the way that they told voters that Bush had already won, but some votes somewhere hadn't been done or counted. | ||
| I don't fucking know how it works here in America. | ||
| Nobody knows how it works. | ||
| David Hick wrote something about it, man. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| David Hick wrote something about it in one of his books. | ||
| You know what I love? | ||
| I love when a politician gets busted for something sexual, anything deviant, anything sexual. | ||
| Fox always makes them a Democrat. | ||
| They do! | ||
| It's a long-running joke. | ||
| It's a long-running joke. | ||
| But if there's some guy, he gets caught, you know, fucking his babysitter or something like that. | ||
| It's a BAM! D, Vermont. | ||
| Even if the guy's a Republican, they always write him down as a Democrat. | ||
| If you're a politician, the sexual stuff you get caught for should just be the most dirtiest, fucking disgusting, depraved shit ever. | ||
| I mean, if you're going to go down as a politician, go down fucking in flames, man, with some depraved shit. | ||
| Do you remember that DC madam? | ||
| Do you know that story? | ||
| There's a DC madam who was running some chain in Washington, D.C., And she, you know, had all these high powered senators and congressmen, all these people on her On her list of, you know, Johns. | ||
| And she was going to release it. | ||
| And there was some fucking crazy attention. | ||
| She gave, you know, press conferences and the whole deal. | ||
| And then she committed suicide. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, just conveniently committed suicide? | |
| Just conveniently committed suicide. | ||
| And no one said a fucking thing. | ||
| No one said a thing. | ||
| No one was like, wait a minute. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| You're telling me that this woman right now, getting more attention than ever, possibly set to make a million dollars, she's deciding to hang herself. | ||
| Oh, she hung herself? | ||
| Because I could just picture every politician in her book, like 40 of them, just cock-slapping her at once. | ||
| We could Google what they did to her, or what she supposedly did. | ||
| Definitely got cock-slapping her. | ||
| They killed her ass, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They killed her ass. | ||
| My favorite one was, there was a story about one of the Enron whistleblowers who committed suicide by shooting himself in the head twice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm not kidding, man. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| He shot himself in the head twice. | ||
| I wish I could remember the full details of the story, but that's what the coroner's report was, that he shot himself, which I guess is possible. | ||
| You could shoot yourself in the head and have fucked up, and you're still alive, but you're jacked. | ||
| Fight Club style, but... | ||
| And you know that you have... | ||
| Is that what they did in Fight Club? | ||
| Yeah, remember Ed Norton's character, like, blew off half his face. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| And, yeah. | ||
| I got bored with that movie once I found out he was two different guys. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, eh. | ||
| I was like, wait a minute, what? | ||
| So you're just faking it now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So this guy wasn't even real? | ||
| Wait a minute, what the fuck did I watch then? | ||
| Dude, would you rather watch that or Piranha? | ||
| Piranha was pretty dumb. | ||
| Piranha was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
When the fish spat the cock out of its mouth? | |
| Dude, Piranha was gross, man. | ||
| It was dumb as fuck, but if you're in the mood for a dumb as fuck movie, it was perfect. | ||
| When the chick got her face ripped off and the motor propeller and her hair was caught like... | ||
| That was nasty. | ||
| Like, fuck. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| It was totally ridiculous, though. | ||
| I mean, it was the most ridiculous movie ever. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Fucking insane. | ||
| I liked Jerry O'Connell's Girls Gone Wild. | ||
| Oh, awesome, right? | ||
| That was pretty cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking awesome. | |
| That's like, I mean, if there's anybody you can root for getting their dick eaten. | ||
| It's Jerry O'Connell. | ||
| I still liked him from Stand By Me, man. | ||
| No, not him. | ||
| You know, I'm saying a Girls Gone Wild guy. | ||
| Oh, Girls Gone Wild? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| He played the character perfectly. | ||
| Dude, I was watching HDNet the other night. | ||
| That got some dirty shit on HDNet, man. | ||
| They do. | ||
| And they had this Girls Gone Wild thing. | ||
| And I was watching that Girls Gone Wild guy hanging out with those girls. | ||
| I'm like, that would be the saddest thing ever if that was your daughter. | ||
| If your daughter was hanging around with that dude, you're like, oh, shit. | ||
| Are you watching this? | ||
| You see what's going on? | ||
| This guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Really? | ||
| Can you imagine a dad watching you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's even creepier to me than Hefner. | ||
| There's something super creepy about that. | ||
| See, I've been to Met Hefner. | ||
| I would love to go to the Playboy Mansion though, man. | ||
| I've been there. | ||
| It's not that big a deal. | ||
| It's just a house in the hills. | ||
| It's kind of like dated. | ||
| I mean, I guess it's like retro, but the grotto has like this old circuit box, this old phone. | ||
| I mean, it's a dope house. | ||
| It's a beautiful piece of land. | ||
| I'm not saying it's not. | ||
| I'm just saying when you get there, you're like, oh, this is just kind of a cool house in the hills. | ||
| It's just one of those things where everybody likes to put parties there. | ||
| And so that's what they kind of sell it as. | ||
| They have those fight nights there too, right? | ||
| Strikeforce has done it. | ||
| I've been to... | ||
| They had one a few weeks ago that was kickboxing and boxing. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Because Andrew Simon from HTN went to the party. | ||
| Well, in that way, it's kind of a cool place to go. | ||
| To go see something there, yeah, it's kind of cool. | ||
| But I've been to parties there before. | ||
| I guess they get crazy. | ||
| That's what... | ||
| Dude, tomorrow I go to New York for the first time. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I've never been to New York. | ||
| All the times I've been here to the US, I've never been to New York. | ||
| So tomorrow I go to New York for five nights, man. | ||
| When you drive up the West Side Highway and you just see the enormity of the city as it starts to rise in front of you, play Star Wars music while you're doing it. | ||
| For real. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Ask if you could drive in on the West Side Highway, if that's possible, and ask if you could play the Star Wars music. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Awesome. | |
| The first time I drove there from Boston, I couldn't fucking believe how big it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| The first time I was in the city... | ||
| Well, I went twice. | ||
| I went once for a karate tournament in Madison Square Garden back in 1982 or something like that. | ||
| You fought in it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you can say you fought at the Garden. | ||
| Yeah, there was a karate tournament there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then there was... | ||
| I think it might have been... | ||
| I don't know if it was... | ||
| There's like two parts to the Garden. | ||
| There's a smaller part and a bigger part. | ||
| I don't know how much space they had. | ||
| I was young. | ||
| I barely remember it. | ||
| But when I came back to do... | ||
| As a stand-up, I was... | ||
| You know, much more aware of what was going on. | ||
| And when I drove up, I drove up the West Side Highway and saw it for the first time. | ||
| I remember going, God damn! | ||
| How fucking big is this? | ||
| Like, why did they keep building here? | ||
| Have you been to Tokyo? | ||
| No. | ||
| You haven't been yet. | ||
| You're going to come with me to K1. And when you see Tokyo, it is fantastic. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| It's like that. | ||
| Tokyo can drive for 40 minutes or an hour and it's still built up. | ||
| Skyscrapers, they never fucking end. | ||
| You look out your window and all the way to the fucking horizon, all you see is concrete. | ||
| It is fucking... | ||
| Tokyo is insane. | ||
| Is it bigger than New York? | ||
| I think it's bigger land-wise. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Well, there's 30 million people in Tokyo. | ||
| 30 million motherfuckers in Tokyo, man. | ||
| And still nobody jaywalks. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| You've got Shibuya Crossing, the busiest crossing in the world, and fucking thousands upon thousands of people, but in Japan, no one jaywalks. | ||
| I've been walking to breakfast at 4 o'clock in the morning when I'm jet-lagged, 4, 4.30 in the morning, there's not a car in sight for fucking miles, and I'll be standing next to a businessman, and he still will not jaywalk. | ||
| Even at 4.30 in the morning, we'll wait for the little man to turn green. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| They're fucking weird like zombies over there. | ||
| Everything is regimented. | ||
| On the streets, no one screams. | ||
| No one swears. | ||
| No one beeps their horns. | ||
| There's no graffiti. | ||
| Everyone smiles to each other. | ||
| Everyone is courteous to each other. | ||
| It is like a fucking mind-boggling, overly polite utopia if you're into that sort of thing. | ||
| If you could speak English, it'd be amazing if they spoke English. | ||
| It is insane. | ||
| The culture is insane. | ||
| At the fight shows, you've seen the fights. | ||
| Yeah, super. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pin drop. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You can hear a pin drop. | ||
| 60,000 people. | ||
| 45,000 at Dynamite last year. | ||
| We used to do 80,000 for K1. 80,000. | ||
| 56,000 when we were in Osaka. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| And still they appreciate moves and you get golf clap. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You get a fucking golf clap. | ||
| It's an amazing culture, man. | ||
| The Tokyo experience, I want you to come with me one day, and you'll fucking love it. | ||
| Well, I would love to go see K1. I've always wanted to see K1 Grand Prix live. | ||
| I've always wanted to see that. | ||
| It's got to be. | ||
| I'm a big fan of it, and that's one of the reasons why I love HDNet fights. | ||
| It's like, fuck. | ||
| Finally, Mayhem and I were talking about it when we did Inside MMA. I saw that with the Cuban. | ||
| How good was Mark Cuban on that? | ||
| It was great. | ||
| We were talking about how it used to be. | ||
| If you wanted to watch K1, you had to get these fucking grainy VHS tapes or get some shit off the internet. | ||
| But now you can watch it in high def, you know? | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| It's scary watching some of that. | ||
| People don't know how exciting that is who don't know K1. You have no idea how fucking exciting it is. | ||
| You know, because most of what people like in the UFC is striking. | ||
| That's what the average person likes striking. | ||
| People boo when shit goes to the ground. | ||
| It happens all the time. | ||
| For those people that are just like, they just want to watch some violence, what the fuck is more violent than K1? And who the fuck is more violent than Alistair Overy, man? | ||
| God damn! | ||
| Scary! | ||
| Somebody in Cracked.com wrote that he looks like he was genetically engineered to fuck your girlfriend. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it was crack.com. | ||
| I hope I'm crediting the right people. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| That's exactly what he looks like. | ||
| Dude is fucking freaking. | ||
| Which leads me to the question now. | ||
| Because when we spoke last time on The Voice Versus, the whole rage then was Fedor versus Brock. | ||
| And we spoke a lot about Fedor versus Brock. | ||
| And you know, after Fedor losing to Verdum, that fight's lost its luster completely. | ||
| So now everyone is like, Overeem versus Brock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, what do you think, man? | ||
| I want to see Overeem versus Fedor, too. | ||
| I want to see that. | ||
| Alistair wants that fight. | ||
| Badly. | ||
| Like, he is all over. | ||
| We did The Voice versus Alistair Overeem. | ||
| We shot it in Korea. | ||
| And, man, he really wants to fight fight. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Here's the thing with Alistair Overeem. | ||
| You gotta fucking take him down. | ||
| There's all that talk of standing. | ||
| There's all out the window now. | ||
| It used to be the guys could stand without Alistair. | ||
| Like, Chuck stood with him for a bit. | ||
| Chuck actually shot in for a takedown with him. | ||
| The problem with Al Star was always that he was trying to make 205. That was always the problem. | ||
| And he wasn't dedicated like he is now. | ||
| But once that motherfucker went up to heavyweight and started getting dedicated, he's scary as fuck. | ||
| But the thing is, last weekend he knocked out Ben Edwards. | ||
| Ben's an Aussie and I've been commentating him for like 6-7 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Overmatched. | |
| Tough fucker though, right? | ||
| Tough fucker. | ||
| He's a very tough guy. | ||
| Alistair dropped him three times, but three clean shots. | ||
| And the thing is that usually Alistair would get away with a lot because of his strength and his size alone. | ||
| But now his technique is just superb, man. | ||
| And, you know, he was training in Thailand for like three weeks at the Golden Glory Gym in Thailand, doing proper Muay Thai training. | ||
| They've got the Thai trainers there helping them out. | ||
| And you can tell that he's just lifted his game to another fucking level. | ||
| Dude, he's spooky right now. | ||
| He's spooky. | ||
| His stand-up is spooky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love the fact that he goes back and forth, though. | ||
| I love the fact that he goes into MMA and back and forth. | ||
| To respect him, man. | ||
| Probably the only guy doing it at that high level. | ||
| No one else. | ||
| Of course, he's the highest level. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| No question. | ||
| There's no one even that compares to the level of K1 that he's achieved and the level of MMA. Because we've always had guys who say, oh, he's a really good striker. | ||
| And they are for MMA. But Alistar's a really good striker for K1. Exactly. | ||
| Dude, when he put it to Brett Rogers, I was like... | ||
| He threw him, man! | ||
| He fucking threw him! | ||
| It was that, but it was before he threw him, he was fucking him up on his feet. | ||
| He hit Brett Rogers with... | ||
| He ducked under a right hand and hit him with a leg kick and then popped out of the way. | ||
| And you could see the look on Rogers' face. | ||
| He was like... | ||
| Rogers was like, what the fuck am I doing here? | ||
| He was a jolt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Like, you know, nobody ever kicked him like that before. | ||
| Dude, to me, it was just like, you know what? | ||
| I'll just bend over and you can fuck me in the ass because it's going to be less painful than the beating you're about to put on me. | ||
| That motherfucker just digs that shin into that meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ba-boom! | |
| Boom! | ||
| And there was that look on Roger's face. | ||
| Like, for a second, you saw this flash. | ||
| Like, god damn, he just got hit by lightning. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Alistair's a freak. | ||
| I hope he cleans up on the K1 Grand Prix. | ||
| That's a big problem to me that there's all these organizations. | ||
| If there was just the UFC... We would know who's the best! | ||
| But Alistair would not have gotten to become Alistair if it wasn't for fighting all these other organizations. | ||
| I mean, there's not enough fights in the UFC. There's not enough shows. | ||
| There's only so many shows. | ||
| We need other organizations. | ||
| But I just wish they could fucking just figure out a way to work it out where they get to fight each other. | ||
| Just all come together as friends forever. | ||
| For one night. | ||
| For one night. | ||
| The problem is... | ||
| And then maybe you and I could commentate together finally for once. | ||
| One night. | ||
| The problem is the UFC is such a much bigger name and they're worth so much more money and it would lend respectability to Strikeforce, which would build up the enemy. | ||
| You couldn't really do it, unfortunately, business-wise. | ||
| But fuck! | ||
| But yeah, let me tell you something, Brock, you know, Brock is like the perfect guy to like sell as like a heavyweight champion. | ||
| Oh, fuck it. | ||
| You know, the fucking skull tattoo, the giant head. | ||
| But you know what worried me, man, for Brock? | ||
| You think Brock fighting Alistair and the way that he turned on those punches from Karwin? | ||
| Oh my God, what if, yeah. | ||
| If that was Alistair? | ||
| And how about those knees? | ||
| No one's got knees like Alistair. | ||
| Alistair knees you into fucking Pluto. | ||
| The one he fucked Fujita with on New Year's Eve put Fujita into a mini coma. | ||
| Yeah, he was out for how long? | ||
| He was fucking out for 10 minutes at least. | ||
| Then they took him to hospital and he went into a mini coma at hospital. | ||
| He was fucked. | ||
| And Alistair said to me, because I said to him, I go, dude, do you ever feel any remorse for just fucking smashing people's faces and brains with those knees? | ||
| And he goes, yeah. | ||
| He goes, Fujita? | ||
| He goes, I actually felt really bad after I did it. | ||
|
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Wow. | |
| I'm like, what about Teixeira, man? | ||
| You almost killed that fucker in the Grand Prix. | ||
| I thought Teixeira was dead. | ||
| He's like, yeah, Teixeira was harsh. | ||
| He goes, but Fujita, he actually was troubled by it. | ||
| He felt really sorry. | ||
| Well, I think it was because Fujita had already been knocked out and been stopped a few times. | ||
| And he was old. | ||
| He was a legend. | ||
| His body didn't look the same anymore. | ||
| His body clearly didn't look the same anymore. | ||
| He didn't look like an athlete anymore. | ||
| That was just fucking violent. | ||
| And remember when he fought James Thompson in Dream? | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| He does a standing guillotine. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And he just said the muscles. | ||
|
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|
He just like... | |
| He walks him back. | ||
| He's fucking tapped Vitor, man. | ||
| He tapped Vitor. | ||
| Fucking awesome. | ||
| Who else has tapped Vitor with a guillotine, you know? | ||
| Alistar's nasty, bro. | ||
| He's an animal, man. | ||
| He's a fucking animal. | ||
| He's nasty. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Brock Lesnar versus Alistar would be a dream match, but Brock's got to get past Cain Velasquez. | ||
| Dude, that is ripe for... | ||
| I wouldn't call it an upset. | ||
| I was about to say it's ripe for an upset, but I don't call it an upset if Kane beats Brock. | ||
| Because Kane has all the weapons to be able to beat Brock, man. | ||
| Kane might be the motherfucker. | ||
| He might be the motherfucker. | ||
| I think Brock is a handful for any man on the planet. | ||
| He proved in that last fight that he's got a serious ability to overcome adversity and still gut it out and make it through. | ||
| He didn't tap. | ||
| He didn't freak out. | ||
| He covered himself up. | ||
| He protected himself. | ||
| And he was getting bombed on by, other than him, the biggest, strongest fucking guy in the division, who's definitely the best puncher in the division. | ||
| No one punches as hard as Carwin. | ||
| He's got wrecking balls. | ||
| He just dropped bumps. | ||
| So he got through all that, made it through that first round, and then came out and won it immediately into the second. | ||
| So he's overcome adversity. | ||
| He believes in himself. | ||
| He's a winner. | ||
| That's all well and good, though. | ||
| Cain Velasquez is a fucking storm. | ||
| Here's something that Bob Cook said. | ||
| They were talking about one of the fights. | ||
| Cain had just fucking... | ||
| I think it was Rothwell. | ||
| Just ran him over. | ||
| And he said, well, the thing with fighting Kane is you always think that you're just going to ride out the storm. | ||
| And he goes, but the storm doesn't end. | ||
| That is what that guy does when the storm doesn't end. | ||
| It's just punches and kicks and punches and kicks and fucking takedowns and punches and kicks and punches and kicks. | ||
| And you're like, where is this motherfucker getting all this cardio from? | ||
| And he does it all with power, man. | ||
| That's the scary thing. | ||
| It's all fucking with power. | ||
| And he doesn't fade, man. | ||
| He doesn't fade. | ||
| He comes out strong in the third. | ||
| When he molested Czech Congo, and that's what that match was. | ||
| That was a three-round molestation. | ||
| I mean, he took bombs. | ||
| Bombed. | ||
| Big shots on the jaw. | ||
| Knees buckle. | ||
| Almost goes down. | ||
| And then three seconds later, he's executed the takedown. | ||
| He's in side control. | ||
| And he's smashing him. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, that was just like... | ||
| That was overwhelming, man. | ||
| It was overwhelming what he did to that guy. | ||
| He's a motherfucker, dude. | ||
| I can't wait for that. | ||
| I can't wait to see Tito come back. | ||
| I'm looking forward to that as well. | ||
| But, man, Brock and Cain. | ||
| Brock and Cain is going to be nuts. | ||
| Sorry, Brock and Cain. | ||
| And then, man, I want to see Alistair versus Brock. | ||
| One day. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I want to see Alistair. | ||
| I mean, I would like to see Alistair clean out Strikeforce, too. | ||
| I think if Alistair can beat Verdum, that would be a huge rematch. | ||
| I don't think there's anyone in Strikeforce, honestly, that will touch him. | ||
| Well, we'll see, man. | ||
| Verdum gets him on the ground. | ||
| I bet Verdum has a say in that. | ||
| I bet he would try to tap Alistar. | ||
| I bet he thinks he can. | ||
| He's capable of doing it. | ||
| Didn't he do it before? | ||
| Didn't he tap Alistar? | ||
| He did, but like, what, Pride 2007 or 2005? | ||
| He's a different guy. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| Different Verdum, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Verdum just getting off of that victory over Fedor, he thinks he can tap anybody. | ||
| He'll jump and fucking guard you. | ||
| He'll fly and guard on you just to try to lock you up in his legs. | ||
| You know, I was there that night at Strikeforce when Fedor tapped. | ||
| That was surreal shit, dude. | ||
| Watching that ringside, that was surreal. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| I would have liked to have seen that one live. | ||
|
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|
It was sad. | |
| It was crazy. | ||
| Why sad? | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| He just got caught. | ||
| I think it's happy. | ||
| It's happy that Verdum pulled it off. | ||
| Verdum's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, that's not sad. | ||
| The bottom line is the only way to get through a guard like Verdum's is you've got to train with a guy like Verdum. | ||
| If he was training with guys like Verdum, we would hear about it. | ||
| We would hear, oh, he just went down and he's spending three weeks with Minotaro. | ||
| Minotaro's going to work on his guard. | ||
| You don't hear about all that shit. | ||
| So he's basically working with these guys that are pretty good. | ||
| They're decent. | ||
| And he's got so much confidence because he's undefeated in ten years. | ||
| And he thinks he can just fall into Verdum's guard and he'll just punch him in the face. | ||
| You can't do that with Verdum. | ||
| Yeah, it was a cardinal mistake, man. | ||
| Verdum just has a guard that's on another level. | ||
| You don't appreciate... | ||
| I've rolled with guys like Verdum before. | ||
| Not that level, but like Jean-Jacques Machado. | ||
| He's that level as far as international. | ||
| And they just run through you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, just slap shit on you. | ||
| And if you haven't felt that level, if you're not in there all the time training with that, you know, you can get overconfident. | ||
| Like, I bet anybody that Fedor puts in his guard or they get in, you know, when Fedor gets in someone's guard in his camp, I bet he just runs through them. | ||
| I bet he just postures up, breaks through. | ||
| Nobody probably taps him with triangles. | ||
| No, no way not. | ||
| He slaps that shit on like a fucking octopus from hell. | ||
| Just whoosh! | ||
| Just like, bitch, you ain't going nowhere. | ||
| Just fucking taunt him up. | ||
| Just adjusts and attacks and adjusts and attacks. | ||
| And every time Fedor defends, he gets deeper in the hole. | ||
| And Fedor held on for as long as he could, man. | ||
| But when he tapped, it was like, oh my god, he's fucking tapping. | ||
| Yeah, he was going to get his arm broken. | ||
| His arm was about to go. | ||
| Fedor, he's a bad motherfucker, but he just made a mistake. | ||
| Everybody needs to work with the best guys. | ||
| It used to be that you could be able to have this little camp, and it was just you and a couple other guys that you train with, but I don't think you can rock it like that anymore. | ||
| I think the level's just gotten too high. | ||
| Everyone's got to train with the best guys. | ||
| Well, this is the reason why Golden Glory in Holland have so much success in K1 and also mixed martial arts because the best guys are there. | ||
| And they'll fight each other. | ||
| And they'll fight each other. | ||
| Like Sammy Schilt and Alistair, they're going to fight each other. | ||
| They're going to fight each other. | ||
| And they'll go for broke. | ||
| Errol Zimmermann fought Sammy Schilt earlier this year and he went for broke. | ||
| We went for broke on semi, you know, and they're both from the same gym. | ||
| And when they spar together over in Holland, their sparring sessions are as hard as K1 fights. | ||
| They have like this day they call Meet Wednesday. | ||
| And everyone on Wednesday just goes in the gym and just beats the fuck out of each other like a K1 style fight. | ||
| And these guys are best mates. | ||
| So Saki will beat on Zimmerman. | ||
| The two best mates will beat the fuck out of each other. | ||
| Is that smart? | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's how they train in Holland, but that's not only a golden glory, that's at every Dutch gym. | ||
| It's always been the Dutch style. | ||
| The ties are completely opposite. | ||
| The ties will go light in sparring. | ||
| The ties will go light in sparring. | ||
| Heavy on pad work, ties are always ferocious on fucking pads and on bags, but in sparring, the ties spar light. | ||
| The Dutch go light on the bags and the pads, but they fucking cane each other in sparring. | ||
| That's such a Dutch way of approaching things. | ||
| It's just amazing. | ||
| And then you've got guys like, you know, one of the sparring partners is Ramon Deckers, man. | ||
|
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Right. | |
| I mean, Ramon Deckers may be the greatest Muay Thai fighter ever. | ||
| And he's Golden Glory, one of the head trainers. | ||
| Him and Core Hemmers. | ||
| It's an amazing team. | ||
| Yeah, Deckers is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Dude, when it was Deckers and Rob Kamen, remember those days? | ||
| I trained with Rob Kamen. | ||
| I trained with Rob a bunch of times. | ||
| Rob is a fucking legend, man. | ||
| His elbows were phenomenal, man. | ||
| Yeah, everything about him. | ||
| His leg kicks, everything. | ||
| And he's a super cool guy. | ||
| Rob Kamen is like the nicest, friendliest guy, man. | ||
| One of my mates trains, or used to train with him, Costas Mandalore, the actor. | ||
| Yeah, I know who that guy is. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to meet Cosi in New York. | ||
| He's over there promoting Saw, the new Saw film that he's got, Saw 3D, so we're going to catch up. | ||
| Man, he's been friends with Rob for years, and he's like, dude's fucking badass to train with. | ||
| Such a great guy, too. | ||
| A lot of Holland people are nutty, man. | ||
| Holland's a crazy place, huh? | ||
| The red light district. | ||
| The red light district. | ||
| Last time I was there was 2007. And you could just get weed in the coffee shop. | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| Anyway, Peter Ertz took us out for the night. | ||
| Peter likes to party, right? | ||
| Took Ray and myself. | ||
| And if you don't know who Peter Ertz is, he's a multiple-time K-1 champion. | ||
| Three-time K-1 world champion. | ||
| Bad motherfucker. | ||
| Still in there slinging dick. | ||
| 40 years old and he still qualifies for the Grand Prix. | ||
| He looked fucking good, man. | ||
| Fucking incredible, man. | ||
| His body was yoked. | ||
| It looked like he's obviously been trained like a motherfucker. | ||
|
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|
Just insane. | |
| What keeps that guy going, man? | ||
| One of the nicest human beings I've ever fucking met. | ||
| Super nice. | ||
| He greets me with a hug all the time. | ||
| He's always laughing. | ||
| He took us out in 2007. It was me, Ray Sefo, and a few of Peter's mates. | ||
| Went to the Red Light District. | ||
| Dude, all the stories you've heard about the Red Light District, they're true. | ||
| Well, Peter Ertz is smoking weed all day. | ||
| Peter Wertz had a fucking case of joints in his pocket that he would rip out. | ||
| And his best mate opened the third ever coffee house in Amsterdam in like 1967. So he was like a pioneer of weed in Amsterdam, right? | ||
| Don't you think people would be surprised if they found out how many high-level fighters and MMA guys smoke weed? | ||
| Ridiculous! | ||
| It's a big number, man. | ||
| You go to the show there in Amsterdam, at Amsterdam Arena, and midway through when they have intermission, you go outside to the smoke section, and it is just fucking weed central. | ||
|
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|
Like, you're moving through the mist of all this marijuana smoke. | |
| It is insane. | ||
| I've smoked weed with a lot of UFC champions. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| I believe it. | ||
| I fucking believe it. | ||
| A lot of the K1 guys, a lot of the MMA guys I know. | ||
| A lot of bad motherfuckers like that weed. | ||
| A lot of fucking Nick Diaz is not the only one. | ||
| Yeah, Nick Diaz had the greatest quote of all time. | ||
| Nick Diaz is fighting tonight. | ||
| We're going to see it in half an hour. | ||
| Nick Diaz had the greatest quote of all time. | ||
| He said, I don't think pot is getting in the way of my MMA career. | ||
| I think MMA is getting in the way of my pot smoking. | ||
| I love it, man. | ||
| That's a fucking great quote. | ||
|
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I think fighting's getting in the way of my weed smoking. | |
| When you see that video that Diaz put on YouTube after I did The Voice vs Mayhem, and he's driving, and he does that video, and he puts the camera down and does this. | ||
|
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|
I'm like, how much fucking pot do you actually fucking smoke, man? | |
| That was crazy funny. | ||
| I'm a Nick Diaz fan to the bone. | ||
| Him and his brother. | ||
| I love those dudes. | ||
| Unbelievable, man. | ||
| Those dudes are entertaining. | ||
| They're wild motherfuckers. | ||
| I'd like to go to Amsterdam with those two in the red light district. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| They would be running through all the cafes for all the fucking hookers in the windows. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| You can order anything over there. | ||
| We might be the first people to die from weed. | ||
| We might fuck up the whole cause. | ||
| Dude, the weed is a menu. | ||
| It's like you go to a restaurant here, you get a giant menu there, it's a menu of weed. | ||
| You've got, like, I'd say about 30 variations to choose from. | ||
| Well, we have that here. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| You know, we have that in these medical places. | ||
| I'll take you to one. | ||
| I'll take you to one when we're leaving here. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta go. | ||
| You gotta see this, because it's the craziest thing ever. | ||
| Can I get a cap like Johnny Drama did in Entourage? | ||
| Fuck yeah, son. | ||
| I'm sorry you can, son. | ||
| Shit, yeah. | ||
| They got lollipops, soda. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, all kinds of candies, cookies, cakes, brownies. | ||
| Do you need a holland? | ||
| Yeah, mushrooms. | ||
| And just a big chalkboard. | ||
| Cocaine, you can buy it all, man. | ||
| A big chalkboard, like one of those dry erase boards, filled with different strains, and this is how much it is an ounce, as much as an eighth. | ||
| Amazing, man. | ||
| Dude, they have 50, 60 varieties. | ||
|
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|
Crazy. | |
| Yeah, everywhere, all the time. | ||
| Like, sativas, very difficult to grow. | ||
| It's harder to grow than indica. | ||
| Sativas? | ||
| Sativas. | ||
| Sativas is like space weed. | ||
| Well, you go to the place near my house, 10 different varieties. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| That's insane! | ||
| 10 different varieties of sativa. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
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|
It's hard. | |
| Sativa, and when you're living in the East Coast where it's illegal, hard as fuck to get a good sativa. | ||
| You've got to know somebody who's a grower, that's willing to take a chance to make a superior weed. | ||
| It takes more time, and so it costs more money, and the yield is smaller. | ||
| Dude, when I was in Amsterdam, I smoked a vaporized bong and it fucked me because Peter goes, hey Mikey, try this, try this. | ||
| It's a bong and I hate smoking, but I don't smoke much anyway and I've smoked bongs a couple of times. | ||
| To me, they feel dirty, right? | ||
| So he's put this thing to my mouth and I'm like... | ||
| Peter, I can't see anything here. | ||
| No effect, nothing. | ||
| He goes, no, no, no, do it again. | ||
| It's like, Peter, I can't fucking... | ||
| I don't think it's lit, nothing. | ||
|
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|
I'm like... | |
| Oh, fuck! | ||
| I was like, what the fuck was that? | ||
| Because it comes out, it's mist. | ||
| Right, you couldn't see it, it's invisible! | ||
| For people who don't know, what a vaporizer does is it heats the THC to a point where it doesn't burn the plant material, but it burns off the THC and makes a vapor out of it. | ||
| Invisible! | ||
| You cannot see it. | ||
| Well, you can sort of see it. | ||
| I didn't know I was breathing... | ||
| Exhaling any smoke? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| You sort of see it, but it looks like not much. | ||
| You get used to it. | ||
| You smoke a joint. | ||
| You take a deep breath. | ||
| You blow it out. | ||
| There's a big cloud in front of you. | ||
| This is not a big cloud. | ||
| I was expecting a big cloud. | ||
| I wanted Hiroshima cloud. | ||
| It's a pure sensation, too. | ||
| Dude, it was crazy. | ||
| Crazy, man. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| There's something in the burning of the plant, too. | ||
| I wonder if that has a psychoactive effect. | ||
| I wonder if there's a psychoactive effect from the actual burning of the leaves. | ||
| Maybe together, those things, maybe it calms you a bit or something. | ||
| Because there's hundreds of different Do you think there are leaves out there, though, and shit out there that no one has thought to smoke that is yet to be discovered as smokeable? | ||
| Do you think there's mud or dirt out there that someone could maybe roll into a fucking piece of paper and smoke it, and no one's smoked that mud or that fucking seashell or that fucking sea urchin that you can smoke it? | ||
| There's got to be shit out there that no one has discovered you can smoke it. | ||
| There's probably a few things. | ||
| For sure, plants. | ||
| I mean, if you look at the Amazon... | ||
| Wasn't marijuana discovered like weed discovered from goats eating it? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like fucking in ancient days goats were eating it and then goats were swaying in the paddocks. | ||
| So the farmers are like, hmm, the goats eat this strange looking weed and they stumble in paddock. | ||
| We must try to eat it. | ||
| Where the hell did you hear that? | ||
| That's what one of my friends was telling me. | ||
| It might be another Aussie urban legend, but I heard it was goats discovered weed. | ||
| Yeah, that doesn't even make sense. | ||
| The goats were high on... | ||
| I don't fucking know, man. | ||
| You're telling me there's 10 different types of ceviches, whatever it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sativas. | |
| It's a sativas. | ||
|
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|
Ceviche. | |
| That's fish. | ||
| That's fish cooked with lime. | ||
| All I know is when I did that vaporized bong... | ||
| 20 minutes later, I was in a place called Banana Bar and some fucking dirty hooker was shooting these giant dildos out of her pussy and hitting me in the chest. | ||
| And I would keep backing up five paces and she was shooting these giant dildos like thick fucking things out of her pussy and hitting me always smack on the chest. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And then another one would come over and she had like a texter, like a marker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She goes, what's your name? | ||
| I go, Michael. | ||
| So she had a postcard, and she sticks the marker in her pussy, hovers over the postcard, and dude, with perfect penmanship, in perfect fucking cursive writing, right? | ||
| She writes, to Michael, love, banana bar. | ||
|
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|
Like, on the fucking postcard from her pussy. | |
| Perfect penmanship. | ||
| How does the whole postcard stay in place? | ||
| I've still got it at home. | ||
|
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|
I don't know. | |
| How does it stay in place? | ||
| Does she hold it with her toes? | ||
| No, it's a heel. | ||
| Her heel. | ||
| Because she squatted over it. | ||
| So one heel holds the postcard in place. | ||
| One heel holds the postcard as her pussy does this and writes perfectly to Michael Love Banana Bar. | ||
| It was a fucking incredible night, man. | ||
| I wonder what made them come up with that. | ||
| I wonder if they're wondering, we need something new for this business. | ||
| We are not getting enough people in here. | ||
| No, but I wonder if this is a type of shit the girls do at slumber parties when they're young. | ||
| Yeah, they're a little bit drunk or maybe it's like, hey, let's stick a fucking pin in our pussy and try and write our names. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Yeah, if you're hanging out with a bunch of freaks. | ||
| How do you discover this talent? | ||
| I wanted to go to that girl and go, how did you know? | ||
| At what age do you know you can write with your pussy in perfect cursive? | ||
| If I had to guess, I would guess that there would... | ||
| Something, whatever the equation was, involved a dude and money. | ||
| That's how... | ||
| A pen got up your pussy. | ||
| Either that or you did a favor for him, but it's a dude. | ||
| A dude's asking you to do that. | ||
|
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|
He had you bound and gagged and he left you in a hotel room and all he stuck was a pen in your pussy. | |
| Write me a letter with your pussy. | ||
| When I look at it, I know that it's your pussy that wrote that. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Alright, I can't even write with my pussy. | ||
| I've seen some fucked up shit. | ||
| You can write with your pussy. | ||
|
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|
You gotta just learn. | |
| Then what about the girls on Macau? | ||
| Have you ever been to Macau? | ||
| What is Macau? | ||
| Macau's like a 45 minute boat ride from Hong Kong. | ||
| It's between China and Hong Kong. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's a tiny casino island. | ||
| No, I haven't been to that part of the world at all. | ||
| Yeah, it's like the Vegas of Asia. | ||
| It's a crazy madhouse casino island. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it sucks. | |
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| But I've seen some dirty-ass sex shows in Macau where this one chick had the darts in her pussy, and there were balloons up on the ceiling, and with pinpoint fucking sniper precision, she would lean back, fire a dart, pop the... | ||
| Balloons one after the other. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Another chick had razor blades, right, strung together, and she reaches into her vag and pulls out this line of razor blades one after the other. | ||
| And you're thinking, oh, that's bullshit. | ||
| They're just made of plastic or something. | ||
| Then she grabs the razor blades and to show one of the ones that came out of her pussy gets a piece of paper, slices a piece of paper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| I'm like, that's fucking sick. | ||
| Yeah, you know, that's funny that you just brought that up because there was a conversation we had on here last week about the hookers in Vietnam, whether or not they really did put razor blades up their pussy. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| I have seen it in the cow. | ||
|
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|
Well, you've seen a razor blade. | |
| Razor blades come out of the pussy. | ||
| So they easily could have done that to GIs, like stuck a razor blade in there and then the guy fucks them and cuts their dick in half. | ||
|
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|
Oh! | |
| Oh man, one of my mates in Australia fingered a girl in a club once and he went to finger her and he felt scabs inside her pussy. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| She had scabs in her pussy. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I was like, he said hello to me to shake my hand. | ||
| I was like, dude, I ain't fucking touching that hand. | ||
| Put a fucking glove on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Scabs in her pussy, man. | ||
| What are you sticking in your box, honey? | ||
| Yeah, exactly right. | ||
| There's some evil shit going on down there. | ||
| Girls say the guy's balls look disgusting and wrinkled and shit, but man, some girls sometimes need to get a mirror and stand over it and look down and see how fucked up their vagus look. | ||
| Because some girls have got some fucked up pussies happening, man. | ||
|
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|
Really? | |
| The ones that have the big flappy fucking larvae on them. | ||
|
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|
I like that. | |
| I like flappy lips. | ||
| Like fucking curtains like that. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Man. | ||
| I've seen ones that fucking hang down like that, man. | ||
| It's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| The trippiest thing ever is when you look at female bodybuilders and you see the little dicks that they're growing. | ||
| The clit! | ||
| Because of the roids. | ||
| Because I used to edit a bodybuilding magazine back in the day. | ||
| So I used to interview a lot of female bodybuilders. | ||
| And their clit comes like that. | ||
| Like a small dick. | ||
| But... | ||
| They are. | ||
| I never fucked any bodybuilders before I was told being in the industry is like they are the horniest fucking cunts out there. | ||
| Because they're on testosterone. | ||
| And because all you need to do is touch their big penis clitoris and they basically have an orgasm. | ||
| Like insanely sexually... | ||
| Sexually excited creatures all the time. | ||
| Sometimes the doctor will put a woman on testosterone for something, like some sort of an ailment. | ||
| Usually they've got skin disease when they're young. | ||
| The girls will go on steroids, on testosterone. | ||
| It's a shame because one of my friends... | ||
| She's a photographer back home. | ||
| And when she was young, I've seen photos of her. | ||
| She was a beautiful, beautiful young girl. | ||
| But then she started to develop skin problems and bad acne that was something hormonal. | ||
| And she had to go on steroids to get rid of it. | ||
| And then now she's fucking fucked up ugly. | ||
| Like bad, the poor thing. | ||
| She's fucked up. | ||
| She looks like a man. | ||
| Our nickname for her behind her back is Animal. | ||
| She looks like a fucking animal. | ||
| But yeah, she used to be beautiful. | ||
| She was hot when she was young. | ||
| How young? | ||
| You know, when she... | ||
| Hot. | ||
| She was fucking eight, nine years old. | ||
| Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| She was a cute kid. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| You know, she was a cute kid. | ||
| Well, there are some girls, though, that start out really pretty, and then some monkey wrench goes along the way, and then the design of the universe decides to take it back when you're not hot anymore. | ||
| I've seen that happen. | ||
| Girls were really pretty when they were like 13 or 14, and then you graduate high school, and you run into them when they're like 22, 23, and you're like, what happened? | ||
| I saw the girl that I used to fantasize over in high school, Lisa, right? | ||
| And she was like the girl that everyone wanted to fuck in high school. | ||
| She was the it girl. | ||
| She was the like... | ||
| The one. | ||
| And I recently chatted to another friend of mine on Facebook that was at the girls' school that was sister school to our school back then. | ||
| And I was talking about this Lisa girl. | ||
| I'm like, I wonder what Lisa's doing now. | ||
| I wonder if she's still hot. | ||
| She goes, oh, I saw Lisa recently. | ||
| She's got three kids and I've got a photo of her. | ||
| Do you want to see it? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, bring it on. | ||
| Dude, she was fucking disgusting. | ||
| I'm like, no way that's Lisa. | ||
| My friend's like, that's what your it girl looks like now. | ||
| Do you think that she does the same thing every time she watches K1? That's Michael Chivero! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so glad I didn't fuck him! | |
| Look at that cocksucker! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so glad! | |
| You know what the thing is, man? | ||
| I weighed myself this morning. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Were you happy with the results? | ||
| I was, because I've lost a lot of weight recently. | ||
| How much have you lost? | ||
| Probably this year I've lost about 11 kilos. | ||
| What's that, 24 pounds? | ||
| Yeah, about 24 pounds. | ||
| I haven't had this least weight since high school. | ||
| So back then I was fucking huge, man. | ||
| Like a lot bigger than I am now. | ||
| A lot, lot bigger. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Kevin James has lost like almost 50 pounds. | ||
| Dude, I love Kevin James. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| You know, Irene had no idea who he was. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Before we came here today, we were watching King of Queens was on TV and she's laughing her ass off. | ||
| And I go, hey, you know he's really good mates with Joe. | ||
| She goes, Joe Rogan? | ||
| I go, yeah, Joe knows him really well. | ||
| He's like in a movie of his and their management's the same. | ||
| They're really close mates. | ||
| And she goes, oh, who is he? | ||
| I go, it's Kevin James. | ||
| She probably just never saw the sitcom. | ||
| Just yet. | ||
| But he's been in so many movies too now. | ||
| I mean, the sitcom was in Australia as well, but she just didn't know. | ||
| Sometimes you don't know. | ||
| Sometimes someone will talk to me about some singer, like, oh my god, Blah Blah Blah is playing here. | ||
| Blah Blah Blah is really good, man. | ||
| I think Blah Blah Blah is playing in New York next week. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And you'll be like, what are you talking about? | ||
| Who is this? | ||
| And then you find out they've sold like 50 million albums all over the world. | ||
| I didn't know who Justin Bieber was. | ||
| Everyone's got Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber. | ||
| I'm like, who the fuck is this Justin Bieber? | ||
| Some poor little fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I heard the song on the radio. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Doing this one in the clothing store wherever I was. | ||
| And I'm up to Irene and I go, who is this? | ||
| She goes, this is Justin Bieber. | ||
| I go, this is the fucking little kid that everyone's talking about. | ||
| Why am I dancing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop. | |
| Dude, I'm watching a video and he gets hit in the head with a bottle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's brilliant. | |
| Somebody throws a water bottle and hits him in the head and then people think it's funny. | ||
| And everybody's like passing it back and forth on Facebook. | ||
| I'm like, listen, you're looking at a little vulnerable 12-year-old kid who's probably some grown cunt. | ||
| Has thrown a water bottle at... | ||
| I mean, who's thrown a water bottle at some little boy? | ||
| Good luck to the little fucker man. | ||
| He's fucked. | ||
| He's fucked. | ||
| But, you know what I saw? | ||
| For this crazy charge at a young age, his development will be forever skewed. | ||
| But, bro, I already saw in the bookshop the biography of Justin Bieber. | ||
| The kid's like 14. How much of a biography can you write? | ||
| What have you done? | ||
| Has he even fucking got a head job yet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What if it was all true? | ||
| Has he even shaved? | ||
| Has he got pubes? | ||
| What if we start talking about chicks? | ||
| He fucks. | ||
| Just makes the Justin Bieber pussy diary. | ||
| He's like, 15, just able to secure a real solid boner for the first time in my life. | ||
| I think I'm going to go out and use it. | ||
| Just discovered his first pubic hair and photographs it and puts it in the center of the book. | ||
| And the poor kid, he's very small. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Very small. | ||
| And very small for like 14. Like, he's going to be a tiny man. | ||
| Oh, little fucker. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But the girls right now are just like confused. | ||
| They're like, well, he's up there and he's singing and I think I want to fuck them or something. | ||
| And dude, the scary thing is that this scared me. | ||
| The other day, Irene's telling me about her little cousin. | ||
| Her little cousin, she's 12 years old and she's in love with Justin Bieber. | ||
| And so she says to Irene, Justin Bieber is a friend of mine on Facebook. | ||
| And Irene's like, okay, thinking it's a group or whatever that she likes, Justin Bieber. | ||
| She goes, oh yeah, and Justin and I talk every other night and he's a really nice guy. | ||
| And I'm going to go, Irene, do you realize there's some dude posing as Justin Bieber on Facebook who your 12-year-old niece or cousin has accepted as a friend that he's talking to her and buttering up a 12-year-old every night? | ||
| Like fucking stalkers out there, pedophile motherfuckers who are disguising themselves as Justin Bieber talking to 12-year-old Aussie girls on Facebook. | ||
| It could just be 12-year-old boys. | ||
| I thought you were going to say it could just be Justin Bieber. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, it could be Justin Bieber. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who knows? | |
| He's fucking 12. It could just be 12-year-old boys. | ||
| I get on Facebook. | ||
| I go on Twitter. | ||
| I do it all the time. | ||
| Anybody could be doing it. | ||
| I know there's a lot of like, you know, like Aston Kutcher really does it. | ||
| He really goes, who's Justin Bieber's not out there Twittering chicks? | ||
| I don't think that he's Twittering a 12-year-old girl in Melbourne. | ||
| Maybe he is. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe he's trying to set it up. | ||
| He's trying to get his hookup for when he goes for a down-under tour. | ||
| I'll probably be back there in about 24 months. | ||
| By then, I'll be all blowed up. | ||
| Baby, find me when you're legal. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, I have it going on. | ||
| Baby, come to America. | ||
| The carnal age is only 15. In Australia, you've got to wait another couple of years. | ||
| How old do you have to be in Australia to fuck? | ||
| You can fuck at 16, but you can only fuck someone who is under 18. You can't be over 18 and fuck a 16-year-old. | ||
| That's smart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good move. | ||
| You're not going to stop 16-year-olds from fucking... | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Impossible, man. | ||
| But you guys have a more relaxed attitude towards a lot of things over there. | ||
| Yeah, it's much more relaxed. | ||
| When you got out of high school, let me ask you this, because this is the big thing in America. | ||
| I grew up in Newton, Massachusetts, and Newton was... | ||
| A lot of successful people lived there. | ||
| A lot of people who were doctors and lawyers, and they were... | ||
| Very into their kids' academic careers. | ||
| It was a school where it was a very good school, really highly rated. | ||
| And everybody was super ambitious to get out there and to go to college and to get things done. | ||
| When you guys graduated, do you feel this enormous pressure to go make something of your life? | ||
| No, not really. | ||
| The college system that you have in the States doesn't exist in Australia. | ||
| How do you guys do it? | ||
| So we go to high school, right? | ||
| Then after high school, we go to university. | ||
| But we don't have frats. | ||
| We don't live on campus. | ||
| And we don't move interstate to go to university. | ||
| In fact, in America, wherever I go, no one is ever from the state where I meet them. | ||
| It's like you're from Massachusetts or Boston. | ||
| We were originally from Massachusetts. | ||
| Okay, so you're from Massachusetts. | ||
| You live in California. | ||
| Everyone is from a different state to where they were born. | ||
| Whereas in Australia, everyone pretty much remains wherever you're born. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You grow up, you're born in Melbourne, you grow up in Melbourne, you work in Melbourne, have a family in Melbourne, went to university in Melbourne, you'll die in Melbourne. | ||
| No one ever goes to much of the university's interstate and moves around. | ||
| Everyone is pretty much where they're from, and there's not really that feel of, I've got to go out and conquer the world and become a politician or change the world in any way. | ||
| It's like, oh, fuck it, I finished high school, I'm going to relax and drink. | ||
| Well, it's not even so much go out and conquer the world as don't be a fucking loser. | ||
| There's a lot of pressure. | ||
| Go out and get a fucking job. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| No, the problem is in Australia because our economy is really good at the moment. | ||
| Yours is shit and ours is really good. | ||
| Our dollar is really strong against the US dollar. | ||
| But the thing in Australia is the dole is that easy to get. | ||
| The doll is easy to get, bro. | ||
| So you can be a bludger and just claim the doll every two weeks. | ||
| The doll meaning welfare. | ||
| Oh, doll meaning welfare. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's decent. | ||
| I know people that live solely off the doll. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| They get paid the doll. | ||
| How much do you get? | ||
| Maybe a fortnight... | ||
| Man, you might- What is a Fortnite? | ||
| What are you fucking- Oh, sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fortnite- You don't have that word in America? | |
| What is that, Shakespeare motherfucker? | ||
| Fortnite- Fortnite is two weeks. | ||
| Maybe if my chick's watching the Tudors and I'm trying to get some pussy. | ||
| A Fortnite. | ||
| You might get like $200- Might I fuck you in a Fortnite? | ||
| Might I fuck you in a Fortnite? | ||
| In the ass, darling, yes. | ||
| Maybe $200 every two weeks. | ||
| $220 every two weeks. | ||
| Highly livable. | ||
| You can live off that. | ||
| I guess if you had to. | ||
| And that's for doing nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| For what we call in Australia a dull bludger. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's a lot of those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of dull bludgers. | |
| Does that keep everybody calm? | ||
| So there's always something, even if you're a fucking loser, you always have something you don't have to rob and steal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is there an argument for that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is there an argument for whether idiots are always going to be idiots, losers are always going to be losers? | ||
| Just if you give them a little bit of money, you know, who cares? | ||
| This way at least they have something. | ||
| You hope that they're going to invest it back into the economy, but no, it's usually invested, well, unless you're a drug dealer or purchasing of alcohol. | ||
| But it's far too easy. | ||
| There's too many Dole bludgers. | ||
| Is that a strategy, though? | ||
| Like, let's let people be fucking losers and just take care of them, and then there'll be less crime. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Yeah, I can... | ||
| I'm asking. | ||
| I'm totally not committed to this. | ||
| No, I don't think it's a strategy. | ||
| The Dole didn't come in until, like, 1975 when there was a Labor government. | ||
| But if you don't have it, then people are forced to catch up, right? | ||
| People are forced to pay their own way and, you know... | ||
| Yeah, and the bad thing is, though, I know a guy who's on the Dole, and... | ||
| He will not get off his ass to get a job. | ||
| He will not even go for job interviews. | ||
| He claims that he's got some disability or whatever, which he hasn't. | ||
| And it's like, dude, my fucking taxes that I work hard for my money and I've got to give money to the government, pay fucking taxes, then go in your pocket to pay you to drink alcohol and sit at home all day. | ||
| But I would rather give my tax money to losers and drunks and idiots and people with no ambition whatsoever than to war. | ||
| I would rather... | ||
| Oh, look, I don't... | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| My money goes to war and there's nothing I can say about it. | ||
| I'd rather put the fucking losers to work, man. | ||
| It's like, you know what? | ||
| You want the doll? | ||
| You're going to fucking go and work in this plant. | ||
| You're going to work in this factory. | ||
| You're going to fucking send these mails out. | ||
| You're going to do shit. | ||
| You're going to go volunteer in fucking hospitals. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| You know, or in canteen or somewhere where they need you and volunteer your time and your services. | ||
| And qualify for your doll. | ||
| Where do you think there are more losers per capita in America or in Australia? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the percentage of losers as opposed to regular people. | ||
| What do you qualify as a loser? | ||
| Is a homeless person a loser just because they're homeless? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| You lost. | ||
| If you're homeless, you lost. | ||
| I mean, you're not going to be a loser for life. | ||
| I'm not saying that this is a death sentence. | ||
| America. | ||
| If you're outside. | ||
| You guys have got a lot. | ||
| It disappoints me for the most powerful country in the world and the great America. | ||
| Dude, it saddens me, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've got a lot of homeless people. | |
| Well, that's because there's a lot of insane people. | ||
| You know, one of the reasons why the homeless population rocketed in the 1980s is because Ronald Reagan and his administration, they changed the definition of Of insanity. | ||
| So there's a lot of people that were in fucking asylums, man. | ||
| Like, well, you're alright. | ||
| We were wrong. | ||
| You're not crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, just fucking get out there and get your freak on. | |
| I never understood it, man, and it saddens me now. | ||
| There is mental illness. | ||
| My only exposure to people being homeless when I was a kid growing up and watching American TV was watching the Brady Bunch and how they used to run away from home when you were a kid. | ||
| I used to think that's how people ended up homeless, by running away from home. | ||
| Some people did, man. | ||
| How many people ran away from home and just became... | ||
| Fucked up in Hollywood. | ||
| Have you driven around downtown? | ||
| We walked down Hollywood Boulevard the other night. | ||
| Irene's holding my hand really tight. | ||
| It's a lost place, bro. | ||
| That's a lost place. | ||
| When people look at Hollywood Boulevard, this is the center of show business in the world. | ||
| The fuck it is, it's a shithole. | ||
| I will give you more fucked up. | ||
| Have you been to Italy? | ||
| Have you been to Rome? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, never. | ||
| You want to see the most fucked up site in the world, brother, and this is sad? | ||
| You go to the Vatican, the most opulent place on the planet. | ||
| You have no idea the money that is fucking dripping off every building in the Vatican and the Vatican and the Catholic Church as an institution. | ||
| But immediately before you set foot in the door of the Vatican on the street, there are the most disgusting, disfigured, nailed-up beggars you will ever see. | ||
| Arms missing, fingers curled around, eyes missing and shit. | ||
| On the fucking streets outside the Vatican door, it makes me fucking sick. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Because you've got that there. | ||
| There is the Vatican. | ||
| You can touch it. | ||
| There is some nailed up disfigured gypsy woman who is 80 years old and has to sleep on a sturdy cobblestone Roman street every night while the church is right fucking there. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they don't offer anything. | ||
| They don't take them in. | ||
| They don't feed them. | ||
| They don't help them. | ||
| Dude, it was disgusting. | ||
| That's so strange. | ||
| You would think that you have to just for show. | ||
| You couldn't even allow that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Just for show. | ||
| The main strip walk. | ||
| There's only one street you go to to go to the Vatican. | ||
| That main fucking via. | ||
| That main strip. | ||
| And they're there. | ||
| And they're just the most downtrodden, repulsively disgusting beggars you will ever see. | ||
| And then you're at the doorsteps of the most opulent place in the world. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| It does my heading, man. | ||
| So strange, man. | ||
| It does my fucking heading. | ||
| It's just so strange that they feel like they could let those people be out front. | ||
| That would be bad for business, man. | ||
| You would think so, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Now, apparently Berlusconi, when he came in term... | ||
| That's like selling BMWs and just people park wrecked, fucked up BMWs right in front of the dealership. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The thing is that apparently someone told me that since I've been there, Berlusconi has cleaned up all the beggars and the gypsies and moved them. | ||
| But I want to know even where he's... | ||
| Move them to where? | ||
| Where do you move them to? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Where do you suddenly relocate people? | ||
| That was like in Beijing, the Olympic Games. | ||
| Because I commentated the Olympics in 08. Did you really? | ||
| Yeah, I did all the boxing at the Olympic Games. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, fucking 272 fights in 10 days I commentated by myself. | ||
| Are you a big... | ||
| Just by yourself? | ||
| By myself, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Fucking insane. | ||
| You could talk up a storm, my brother! | ||
| Word, man! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Word! | |
| But you know, in Beijing, they relocated one million people. | ||
| One million people. | ||
| One million. | ||
| Were relocated suddenly to build the IBC, the International Broadcast Centre for the Media and the car park. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| One million people lost their homes. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Virtually overnight. | ||
| It's like they wake up one morning and they go, you're out of here. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| One million. | ||
| How the fuck did they pull that off? | ||
| More than the entire population of San Francisco. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's insane. | |
| Moved virtually overnight. | ||
| Dude, you have no idea. | ||
| After going to the Olympic Games and spending three weeks in Beijing, I came back and I told everyone, if the fucking Chinese ever want to take over the world, they will do it in the space of a fucking month. | ||
| The amount of people they have, and the organization they have, and the manpower, and the ability, and the technology, and... | ||
| Having seen that in Japan as well, that whole region, Korea, Japan, China, they will fucking take over the world easily in a month and we may as well just bend over, take the fucking rice up the ass and go, okay, we are your slaves. | ||
| Because seriously, the Olympic Games was phenomenal. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| What is it about them that makes them so dangerous? | ||
| Is it their willingness to work hard and sacrifice their life for their job? | ||
| It is their pride, self-pride and national pride. | ||
| For what they do. | ||
| Willingness to work extremely hard for very little money and just for self-satisfaction. | ||
| And add to that the sheer numbers they have. | ||
| The manpower is extraordinary. | ||
| Dude, you go to one of those... | ||
| Yeah, that is kind of crazy. | ||
| Just on our level that we can relate to, you go to one of those K1 shows in Japan, and the amount of people they employ to set up the arena and set up the ring and the cameras, it is insane. | ||
| People that I see set up jobs for Fox Sports back home that'll take two guys to set up a particular camera, they'll use ten guys to set up a camera. | ||
| And they'll get it done in like a quarter of the time. | ||
| And the ring is taken apart, not by, let's say, a group of 15 people like a show in Australia, but you'll get 300 guys. | ||
| And as soon as the show ends, they're coming in helmets and little cars, and that ring is taken down in 10 minutes. | ||
| It's like vultures going in and stripping the flesh off a dead animal. | ||
| So do you think that it's because they have so many people there that they work harder? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| So many people, they work hard, but they work diligently and they work together. | ||
| It's like a colony of ants. | ||
| All the ants are pulling together for the colony. | ||
| No one ant is just on his own working on his own agenda. | ||
| It's like we're all pulling together and therefore we form one giant colony and just take over wherever we want. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Well, what they're able to do with getting people to work incredible hours and live in dorms and shit, I mean, that's spooky as fuck. | ||
| The Japanese? | ||
| If you've ever been inside a Tokyo apartment, this room here would be considered a fucking mansion. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I once went in a room in Tokyo, a Tokyo apartment. | ||
| The bed was in where the kitchen was, was in where the toilet was. | ||
| Or the bathroom. | ||
| Just one big room. | ||
| Just one big room. | ||
| Well, we have that here. | ||
| We have studios. | ||
| You can get a studio that's basically, that's it. | ||
| It's just a spot to live. | ||
| Dude, from the end of the bed to the front door was from here to where that knee is on you. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's how much room you had to move. | ||
| And the stove is there. | ||
| So you can literally... | ||
| So it's like the worst hotel room ever. | ||
| Worst hotel room ever and then shrink it. | ||
| Like Rick Moranis, honey, I shrunk the hotel room down. | ||
| You couldn't swing a cat in there. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen some of the guys' apartments when they show those clips for K1 and for Dream and they used to do for Pride where they show the guys' apartment and show where they're training. | ||
| There's no room to do shit. | ||
| Tiny ass gyms too. | ||
| Tiny, right? | ||
| You see Sakuraba's gym where he trains or Aoki's gym, they're fucking tiny. | ||
| And there's so little room over there that not many people have pets. | ||
| What the fuck is it about people where we want to stack everybody on top of each other like that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Is that good? | ||
| Is there something good about that? | ||
| I'm not used to it because in Australia- But it keeps happening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it happens in America. | ||
| It happens there. | ||
| I mean, there's- In Australia, everybody still lives like you do here in a house with a backyard in suburbs. | ||
| And the whole high-rise apartment thing is slowly building in popularity, but still not to the extent it is here. | ||
| But not like skyscrapers everywhere you look. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Yeah, I'm telling you that West Side Highway Drive is going to freak you the fuck out. | ||
| But everyone's stacked. | ||
| You can't have pets. | ||
| You know you can go and rent a pet in Tokyo? | ||
| No. | ||
| Just to pat one? | ||
| You can go and rent a cat or a dog for an hour. | ||
| She can take it to the park, throw a little fucking park, throw a little frisbee, feed it, take it for a walk, and then you return it to the shop. | ||
| What? | ||
| You rent a dog, you rent a cat for an hour. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Don't you get attached to the dog? | ||
| Don't you develop a relationship to the dog? | ||
| Then you can maybe rent it for two hours. | ||
| But yeah, you just rent a pet. | ||
| That's a strange world. | ||
| That's fucking weird, man. | ||
| They almost are like an alien race. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It really is. | ||
| I mean, their writing is so different, so completely unrelated. | ||
| If you look at the writing of all the European countries, except for obviously Russia. | ||
| Except for Hungary. | ||
| Russia, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Hungary. | ||
| A couple of them. | ||
| It's that Arabic alphabet that we use. | ||
| Yeah, they all share it. | ||
| And when you go to China and Korea and Japan, it's like, whoa, you guys are aliens. | ||
| This is alien stuff. | ||
| This isn't even related to... | ||
| Like, this grew completely independent of the European-style writing. | ||
| It's so different. | ||
| What a better world the place would be if everyone spoke one fucking language. | ||
| Would it? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I think it's cool to watch all the different branches. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| I think it's cool to watch all the different strategies. | ||
| I think there would be far less arguing at war if people could actually reason with each other in one single language. | ||
| Dude, people would go to war over eye color. | ||
| People are retards. | ||
| Oh, you have to get this fucking blue-eyed cocksuckers to try to kick our land. | ||
| Dude, people are dumb. | ||
| They want to be on teams no matter what. | ||
| They always want to find a team. | ||
| Didn't they try and invent one universal language once more? | ||
| Wasn't it something called Esperanza or something like that? | ||
| Maybe someone can clarify and tweet it to us. | ||
| It was like years ago. | ||
| They tried to invent a language called Esperanza or Esperanza. | ||
| It was meant to be one global language and it never took off, obviously. | ||
| I don't remember that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that would take a long-ass time. | ||
| You'd have to get it to the tribes and the African forests. | ||
| It would take generations because you'd have to school generations, three or four generations to get it down pat and inculcated among the masses. | ||
| Yeah, most countries in the world, you know, a good percentage of the people are bilingual. | ||
| In America, people are, you know, just English or Spanish. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's like Australia. | ||
| Everyone's like English. | ||
| I mean, of course, there's immigrants in here that speak all kinds of languages, but as far as, like, people learning things, very Dude, I didn't know how bad the immigration problem here was until I was driving to do a King of the Cage show in New Mexico and the driver was telling me about it because we were driving along the border there from El Paso to Mescalero and he's pointing it out and Mayhem was in the van with me and the guy's like, this is where the Mexicans run the border. | ||
| This is where they run the border. | ||
| I'm thinking to myself, why the fuck then do you call, if you're complaining, why the fuck do you call the state New Mexico? | ||
| Seriously, of course you're going to fucking run if the old Mexico is shit and you want to go and say, I'm going to New Mexico. | ||
| Call it something else. | ||
| It doesn't matter what you call it. | ||
| They know there's cash over here. | ||
| There's money over here. | ||
| I appreciate ambition, man. | ||
| I think it's kind of fucked up that there's spots in the world that suck and you can't leave them. | ||
| I think it's kind of fucked up that you can't just travel from one place to another and just go wherever the fuck you want and live where you want. | ||
| We can't let them in. | ||
| We can't let them in. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Really? | ||
| You know what's scary, brother? | ||
| I got held up in Toronto for five days recently because I had visa problems because something wasn't done properly on my work visa. | ||
| So I got held up in Toronto and the way they treat you like you're a fucking... | ||
| Like you're a criminal. | ||
| Like you fucking got a rag on your head and you're riding a camel with a fucking bazooka. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| Because I got a beard, like just... | ||
| I don't know what it was. | ||
| You look like you could be an Arab. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| You look like you could be a terrorist. | ||
| I felt like I was locked in a fucking detention. | ||
| There was a French lady... | ||
| I'm studying you now. | ||
| Ha la la... | ||
| There was a French lady sitting there with three kids and she'd been in that detention in Toronto at the airport for four hours. | ||
| She was crying. | ||
| They'd held her with her kids for four fucking hours, man. | ||
| That's sad, but it would have heard her kids were strapped up with dynamite, alright? | ||
| You ever think about that fella? | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| You gotta be fucking careful. | ||
| Their job is tough. | ||
| I like how Canada doesn't let in douchebags. | ||
| They don't... | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Assault and battery? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| Canada is tight. | ||
| But, you know, I think, you know, I just think as long as you have aware... | ||
| If you're aware of someone's record, I think you should be able to go anywhere. | ||
| If you're not a murderer, you're not a scumbag, you have real papers. | ||
| If Mexico had real papers... | ||
| You know, in America, you run numbers on people in America. | ||
| Chances are, in 2010, you're going to know exactly what the fuck they've done. | ||
| Well, we get all boat people in Australia, man. | ||
| That's our big problem. | ||
| People sail in boats from East Timor and other places, and they rock up on boats, and woohoo! | ||
| Australia! | ||
| And they run off into the fucking jungle. | ||
| Fuck yeah, because Australia's awesome. | ||
| It is awesome. | ||
| You gotta appreciate that. | ||
| I mean, it's like, why shouldn't they be able to do that? | ||
| They're people. | ||
| I feel like if you have the means and the willpower to get somewhere that's better than where you're at, we should all allow that, you know? | ||
| What kind of fucking hippie, commie, socialist, and talk nonsense is this, boy? | ||
| This is America! | ||
| Land of the free, home of the brave! | ||
| And I'm here with Australia! | ||
| My man, Michael Ciavello! | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, Strikeforce is about to start in about 30 seconds, so we're gonna wrap this up. | ||
| The meeting of the minds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| We will do this again, my friend, when you're in town again. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I'll be in town again in a couple of months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll be back. | |
| Michael Chevelle is a cool motherfucker, and I always enjoy hanging out with him. | ||
| And I always enjoy doing this podcast. | ||
| You guys are the shit. | ||
| I love you all. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| And I will see you probably, oh, Tuesday with Joey Coco Diaz. |
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