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Oct. 5, 2010 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:47:12
Joe Rogan Experience #46 - Chris Aubrey Marcus (Part 1)
Participants
Main voices
a
aubrey marcus
27:27
b
brian redban
05:35
j
joe rogan
01:11:14
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Speaker Time Text
joe rogan
Brian, this doesn't have a connection.
brian redban
Did you plug it in?
joe rogan
Yeah.
unidentified
Okay.
Not yet.
joe rogan
Hold on.
brian redban
Hold on.
joe rogan
Hold on, we have a web problem.
unidentified
Some Wi-Fi.
Okay.
brian redban
Your Wi-Fi is jacked.
joe rogan
People are asking, why do you guys have an opening song, and then after the opening song, then you play more music?
Like, what kind of shit is that?
And you're right.
It's fucking ridiculous.
This whole show's ridiculous.
I can't believe anybody's even listening.
At this point, this is the most ghetto podcast on the internet.
The most fun to do, though.
And this is some mash-up, Brian.
Who's the mash-up?
brian redban
I believe it's Party Bin.
It might be Girl Talk.
I don't know.
joe rogan
You know what, man?
I used to not be a big fan of podcasts until I heard this Voodoo Child Jay-Z mix.
And I was like, God damn, okay, you did something there.
You know?
Like, a lot of times I'll listen to a podcast or to a mash-up, rather, and I'm like, this isn't that interesting.
But every now and then they just fucking make something super cool.
aubrey marcus
They just kill it.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's like shit that you shouldn't think would go together, like chicken and waffles.
Bam!
aubrey marcus
There was a Jay-Z, Linkin Park mashup that was just dirty.
joe rogan
Yeah, didn't they do a whole album to that?
aubrey marcus
Yeah, they did.
joe rogan
I love when shit like that happens.
I love when artists get together like that and create something fucking nutty.
We were talking about this before the podcast, and it's, you know, total retard hippie talk, but what the fuck is music, and what does it do?
How does it just get in you, man?
brian redban
Either way, we're talking to.
joe rogan
Yeah, oh, I was going to introduce him eventually.
This is my friend Chris.
aubrey marcus
What's going on?
joe rogan
Chris is a writer.
He writes for the blog, what is it, warriorpoet.us?
And what is a.us, man?
aubrey marcus
I'm looking to take over the world eventually, but I'm starting with the U.S..com is currently unavailable.
joe rogan
Yeah, I couldn't get JoeRogan.com.
The dude who owns it, he's a nice guy.
He's a real estate guy, but he goes, just occurred to me, the more famous you get, the more this is worth.
I was like, oh, all right, dick.
I'm like, I'm not buying this for you now.
aubrey marcus
You got some Twitter dude who was holding down your...
joe rogan
Yeah, but I got it back from Twitter.
Twitter gave it up.
But this dude, his name's Joe Rogan, and he's older than me, so respect to him.
It's got to go to him more than it is to me.
You know, I was willing to buy it, but after you said that, I was like, get out of here.
The more famous you get, the more this is worth.
Oh, come on, man.
What are you, 12?
Just tell me what you want.
Can we talk through this?
The more famous you get, I can hold on to it.
This is a good investment.
aubrey marcus
Except you have to be able to buy it for it to be valuable.
joe rogan
It doesn't matter.
You can find me now.
It's Google, JoeRogan.net.
It's probably good.
It probably filters out a bunch of idiots.
Because if you can't type.net instead of.com, if you give up, I quit!
I couldn't find it!
Good, I don't want you finding it.
aubrey marcus
People would put the.com in the Google search bar instead of the URL, too.
joe rogan
Yeah.
aubrey marcus
I'm sure Brian knows about that.
brian redban
I do that all the time.
joe rogan
Do you?
brian redban
Yeah.
joe rogan
What happens when you do that?
brian redban
You porn shows up and they have to masturbate using a flashlight.
joe rogan
Is that really what happens?
brian redban
Yeah.
joe rogan
Porn shows up if you put a.com?
brian redban
Every time I put anything, I'm fucking...
aubrey marcus
I think that's called a virus.
joe rogan
Yeah, dude, you gotta get your shit cleaned out, son.
aubrey marcus
Are you serious?
brian redban
I just need to clear my cache, because seriously, everything that comes up on my toolbar...
joe rogan
Have you just been beating it furiously lately?
Brian, if you don't know, ladies and gentlemen, Brian had a very lust-filled, short-term relationship, which was filled with passion and a loss of fluids, and then as quickly as the storm came into town, the storm left...
brian redban
And I have kids now.
I have a dog now.
joe rogan
He's got a kid from the relationship.
Here's lesson number one, children.
Anyone under 30 that I'm talking to right now, listen to me.
Do not get a dog with a chick.
Never, ever.
Don't do it.
Unless you guys have kids, don't get a dog.
brian redban
And if you do do it, go right to the pet store.
Fuck what they say.
Just go against all the rules and get one of those dogs.
joe rogan
Don't go to the pet store.
Don't support puppy mills, man.
Hope those pet stores go under.
Go to the fucking pound or go to a good breeder.
brian redban
Obviously, I'm kidding.
joe rogan
I got one of my dogs from a breeder, man.
There's nothing wrong with breeders.
People talk shit about breeders, but if a guy's a passionate breeder and really breeds dogs because he wants a good bee...
My dog is awesome, dude.
And one of the reasons why he's awesome is because his dad was awesome.
His dad was one of the security dogs on Fear Factor.
unidentified
Mm-hmm.
joe rogan
We had him bite people in these big crazy bite suits.
And his dog was so cool.
He was just chill.
Hanging out with everybody.
Not douchey to the other dogs.
He was just the sweetest dog.
Come over to you.
Hey man, what's going on?
Meanwhile, he's this giant mastiff.
And I'm like, what a great dog.
He's so friendly.
Makes such a difference.
Genuinely affectionate.
Like, come up and rub against you and love it when you rub his head.
I'm like, how crazy is this dog?
He's got like this perfect personality.
Well, this guy won't let his douchebags breed.
He just, any time a dog, he goes, I love them, I take care of them, but no breeding for you, you fuck.
And he takes them and he takes all the douchebags out.
So he's done this for like 20 generations.
So his dogs are like the coolest dogs.
Like, I come over his house, he's got these big fucking mastiffs.
They're like, the chick's like a buck thirty and the male's like a buck fifty.
And they come up to you like, okay, these are lions.
These are these small lions that I'm just assuming you have control over.
You know, I'm walking in your house and I'm trusting my balls and my legs.
I'm trusting all my soft tissue to these monsters that you have under your control.
The dogs couldn't have been more chill.
Just like, hey, how you doing?
Not like checking you out, like, what's up, bitch?
What the fuck are you doing around here?
Not sniffing you all aggro.
Some of them will disrespect you with a sniff.
That's like letting you know, bitch, I'm just going to sniff your dick right now.
Get it on your dick.
They're going aggro on you, man.
They're pulling some alpha male shit.
You've got to step in and stop them from doing that.
Yeah.
man these dogs were so cool they just had this air about them like hi hi come on in meanwhile they would do bite work like he would have these dudes in a suit and they would hold them back and they let the dog loose it was like a meat cannon like like you shot a side of beef at this dude's arm the thing would just latch out of the guy and bring him down i'm like what a crazy thing you've engineered yeah this like dog that will respond to your every command is super intelligent and is And can mimic the primal attack mode and then shut it off.
And shut it right off and be super friendly.
aubrey marcus
Do physically exactly what he's designed to do to kill and then stop.
joe rogan
Dude, that was the most impressive thing to me when we were on Fear Factor is what people have done with dog breeding and dog training.
Dogs that really know their shit, they're impressive, man.
That's impressive.
They have it locked down.
They're giving them treats, and they're setting them up, and they're giving them their affection, and they're giving them their recognition for what they've done.
These dogs will do anything.
They'll do whatever the fuck you say.
It's pretty nuts that we figured out a way to do that.
aubrey marcus
I always think it's kind of funny that people will...
I totally love and respect people rescuing animals.
I think that's a beautiful thing that people do.
And then, you know, there's the other people who will buy like a budget animal, you know, which is definitely coming from a bad place if you're buying like a dog for like a hundred bucks.
joe rogan
Sometimes people just fall in love too.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, that's true.
joe rogan
Sometimes people see a dog and they just go, I gotta get that dog.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, but you know, they expect great results.
It's like there's a place where they had like $25 tattoos.
You're gonna have this for a long time.
Like, make a good investment.
joe rogan
Yeah, but some people just say, but it's a dog.
What could be wrong with it?
I've had a bunch of dogs with like, I had this bulldog.
He's had to have a bunch of dogs.
He's got hip dysplasia, so he had to have to get both his arms operated.
And it was like six grand, man.
It's like serious money.
So it was like $18,000, I think, for both of his arms.
He had to have one operation, and then he had to have one a while later.
And then they were talking about replacing his back hips.
And I'm like, listen, this dog's lazy as fuck.
You don't have to do that.
This dog just likes to chill.
Yeah, he walks around with a bit of a limp, but he seems happy.
He might be in a little pain, but most of the time he's just chilling.
He's not a running dog.
He's a bulldog.
He's just going to relax.
Yeah, he's fucked up.
You don't have to give him metal hips.
Just let him be fucked up.
But that's a dog that was given to me.
If it was a situation, I would have never wanted to get a dog like that.
I would look for dogs that have a genetic propensity for hip dysplasia and stuff like that.
You gotta think, man.
It's wonderful to love a dog and take care of him, but you're adopting a giant bag of fucking problems with some animals.
If you get them from a good breeder, you know what the fuck you're getting.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, we bought a big Savannah cat.
It's going to be almost a 30-pound cat.
joe rogan
That's insane.
You told me about that.
That's insane.
And you feed this thing like chicken wings and shit?
aubrey marcus
Yeah, chicken bones.
joe rogan
And it just growls?
aubrey marcus
And it just hunts it.
It just hunts it.
It sits there and it'll stalk it.
And then it'll just pounce.
And then it'll grab it in its mouth and throw it up in the air and paw it before it gets down to the ground.
unidentified
Wow.
aubrey marcus
Just savage.
joe rogan
But do you trust it with you?
Does it ever get dicky with you?
aubrey marcus
Totally.
unidentified
No.
aubrey marcus
I mean, because I've definitely alpha mailed it, too, though.
brian redban
Is it terrible for furniture?
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
Does it destroy things?
No, he doesn't have that crazy cat instinct where he's going to rip stuff up.
joe rogan
Do you have posts for him or something?
aubrey marcus
We do have some posts.
joe rogan
And does he use those?
aubrey marcus
He does.
joe rogan
So he doesn't defy you?
aubrey marcus
No, he doesn't.
joe rogan
I got this little motherfucker.
This little motherfucker.
I got this little cat named Oliver.
And he's a rag doll.
And he's a sweet cat.
He's super friendly.
Super sweet.
Loves coming up.
If you tell him to get the fuck out of here, he's going to keep coming back.
He's going to prove a point.
He'll come into...
My library has a carpet in it and I don't like him licking his asshole on my white carpet.
So I'm like, get the fuck out of here licking your asshole.
aubrey marcus
Dingleberries are worse than them licking their asshole.
joe rogan
Well, whatever.
He's got short hair.
aubrey marcus
I'd rather just take care of that right away.
joe rogan
He's trimmed.
I trimmed him.
We trim him for the summer because he's a fluffy cat and it gets hot as fuck out here.
Anyway, he's licking his asshole on this white carpet.
I'm like, get the fuck out of here, dude.
Come on, you gotta go.
I'm being nice about it.
I pick him up.
I take him out.
Thank you.
Bye.
I go back in.
I'm rearranging my shit.
I turn back in.
He's licking his asshole again.
Same spot.
It's like, you can't lick your asshole over there.
He wanted to walk back to the exact...
No, this is where I want to be.
I'm the one who decides where I want to be.
I want to be right here.
I picked him up.
I put him out of that room four fucking times.
I finally shut the door.
I had to shut the door.
I had to give up.
A little cocksucker.
He tests me.
But he's a little tiny cat.
If it was like a big serval, that's what they're called?
aubrey marcus
Yeah, well, it's bred from servals.
So they call them savannas when they get one generation removed from that.
joe rogan
So it's a serval mix with a domestic cat?
aubrey marcus
It's a serval mix with a domestic.
But the breeder I got them from, they've been doing it so long, it's mostly savannah to savannah mating.
joe rogan
What exactly is a serval?
aubrey marcus
It's this wild-looking mini cheetah with really long legs.
joe rogan
It's a wild animal.
aubrey marcus
Fully wild, yeah.
joe rogan
So they don't train those at all?
aubrey marcus
No.
Those are just gone.
I mean, they live.
I mean, there's pictures from the breeder, the servals with the children and stuff like that.
They hang out all right.
joe rogan
There was a...
Fear Factor show that we did once, and it was in this really rural area.
Really rural.
You know, like these people were living out, there was no one out there.
And one woman had a dog that got fucked by a coyote.
And it had always half coyote, half dog puppies.
It was a trip, dude.
It was a trip.
They were all huddled together because it was freezing cold.
A bunch of the cast, or the crew rather, took them home.
As pets.
Because everybody was so heartbroken.
Because it was really cold outside.
We were filming in the winter.
And we're up in this really high altitude area.
It's cold as fuck.
And there's these puppies all huddled up together.
Like shaking.
And they're half coyote, man.
It was crazy.
unidentified
Some dog got fucked by some murderous beast from the woods.
joe rogan
You know?
When a dog gets fucked by a coyote, that's gotta be some trippy shit.
aubrey marcus
It's gotta be a gnarly coyote too.
brian redban
What's crazy about those hyenas that people use as dogs?
You know?
joe rogan
I wonder if a dog fucks a coyote, if a coyote fucks a dog, because that's what it is usually, probably.
I bet it's not dogs fucking coyotes.
aubrey marcus
I don't know.
One of those big...
joe rogan
I bet it's a male.
aubrey marcus
Big mastiffs could fucking take it.
joe rogan
Do you think so?
aubrey marcus
No, I think you'd kill it.
joe rogan
I think you'd kill it.
Yeah, I think they'd have a war.
They would go to...
But a male gets to fuck a dog.
The males can fuck the dogs.
That's so creepy, man.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's like, I wonder if the dogs can go back to regular dogs after that.
Or if they just get used to getting coyote fucked.
Have you ever seen a coyote's mouth when they open their jaws?
Dude, there's like rows of teeth like a crocodile.
That shit goes back.
Like the first time I saw a coyote yawn, I was like, whoa, hold on.
Like, you start thinking they're dogs, and then you see a coyote yawn.
You're like, you've got like 20 extra teeth, you fuck.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
Those are scary, creepy fucking murderers sneaking in and fucking your dog.
aubrey marcus
There's a dude that runs down Lake in Austin, which is a big jogging trail.
He has three wolves, four wolves, and he just pretends that they're not wolves.
They're beautiful creatures, but that's a little iffy.
joe rogan
Yeah, I have a friend who has one.
He has one, and the fucking thing got out and killed a gang of goats.
Killed, like, got out of his, he has like a ranch, and it got from his ranch and went into the neighbor's ranch, and just started jacking their animals.
Just fucking up everything.
aubrey marcus
A little too much.
joe rogan
He had a blood orgy.
Just went over there.
He found a pen that was filled with goats.
So he jumped into this pen and started just tearing these goats apart.
And he was big.
160, 170 pounds.
Just ripping them apart.
And I'm like, bro, you don't have control of this fucking thing, man.
You gotta be careful.
So what does he do?
He moves to Hollywood.
aubrey marcus
Brings his wolf.
joe rogan
Three of them.
He's got three of them, this douchebag.
Living in the fucking Hollywood Hills.
This thing's out killing deer and shit.
aubrey marcus
I heard wolves aren't even good for home invasion either.
If you come in the home, they're not territorially protected because they have those wide ranges.
It's not like other dogs.
A burglar murderer can come in your home and do whatever.
But if it threatens you, apparently, then the wolf will protect you.
joe rogan
Yeah, you're his buddy.
But you're not his dad.
That's the difference.
You're his buddy.
It's like if your roommate is getting attacked, you're going to jump in.
But that's not like if your son was getting attacked.
Or if your father was getting attacked, rather.
And that's how dogs are.
Dogs look at you like you're a dad.
With a wolf, you're just like, what's up, man?
He's got fucking with you?
The wolf's like, yo, yo, yo, get that shit out of here!
But the wolf is not like, you can't come over.
The wolf's not like, who the fuck are you?
Let me check you out and make sure you're okay.
The wolf's like, bitch, I know you're okay.
What are you going to do to me, stupid?
That's how the wolf looks at you.
The wolf's not threatened by you.
He's like, oh, are you being nice?
Okay, good, whatever.
I have teeth.
Look at these teeth.
I'll fucking kill you, dude.
They're not worried about you.
aubrey marcus
Look at my smile.
joe rogan
Yeah, they don't just listen to you.
It's a totally different situation.
It's like, for the most part, you're probably going to be okay and they're not going to kill anybody.
But wolves have killed people.
Wolves killed people.
A woman got attacked by wolves recently.
I think it was in Alaska.
I'm not sure where it was.
But a woman got attacked and killed by wolves.
It's very rare.
The last time it happened was like the 1950s or some shit.
But so what?
So it happened.
If there's only one monster, a fucking goblin, ate some old lady's head once in 1812, that would be the most haunted woods for the history of time.
You'd be like, that thing's real and it's out there?
Well, wolves are for fucking sure real.
They howl.
You can see them.
You can watch documentaries on them.
If you go through Wyoming, you're going to see them.
You know what I'm saying?
Or was it Wyoming?
Where are wolves?
aubrey marcus
Yeah, Wyoming will have them.
joe rogan
Are they?
aubrey marcus
North Dakota.
joe rogan
For sure, like Yellowstone, right?
Those are real animals, man.
And they'll jack you.
And they're smart.
aubrey marcus
People forget the mythical basis for that.
I mean, wolves were real enemies.
I mean, the expression, keep the wolves in the hills and our women in our beds was real.
joe rogan
Yeah, they're babies, man.
aubrey marcus
You were toasting to that daily, you know, back in the days.
joe rogan
Yeah, what happened?
Did they just wise up to our whole gun situation and just, like, back off with all that aggression shit?
aubrey marcus
I think they got trappers just...
joe rogan
Decimated the population.
Is that what it is?
And the population is so small, now they don't feel the strength to fuck with people.
They will fuck up your crops or your cattle, though.
If you have cows or if you have any animals, they will fuck them up, man.
Them and mountain lions.
I was a kid once and I was reading this comic book and I used to read a lot of Creepy and Eerie.
Do you remember those comic books?
Do you remember those at all?
Creepy and Eerie were like these really cool comic books that were like black and white, like really cool illustrations and it was all like monster stories.
And one of them was about this werewolf that was sneaking into these people that had sheep and they were living in the Old West or some shit and they had sheep and the werewolf would sneak into their pen and kill all the sheep.
And then the guy goes out there and he gets attacked by this werewolf.
And I'm like, wow, how crazy would that be if a werewolf was out there sneaking into people's pens and killing all their animals?
Then I thought about it.
I'm like, there's cheetahs.
Cheetahs do do that.
Mountain lions do do that all the time.
If you live anywhere near a mountain lion and you have animals in your yard, that's game.
They're going to just hop over that fence and kill them and drag them in the woods.
Why is a wolf man any scarier than that?
aubrey marcus
I don't know.
Maybe because it can have sex with you.
brian redban
A wolfman?
aubrey marcus
It does in all the Twilight movies, that's for sure.
joe rogan
Is that what they do?
Are those guys technically werewolves though?
I don't know.
Because they just become wolves.
aubrey marcus
Metro wolves?
joe rogan
You know what I'm saying?
Then they don't become a werewolf.
They become a wolf.
That's kind of gay.
aubrey marcus
That is.
joe rogan
You know what I'm saying?
If you're going to take the time to morph, be something cool and new.
Be some American werewolf in London type hybrid shit.
Don't just be a dog.
brian redban
Team Wolf killed that whole thing now.
I After Teen Wolf, to me, like, oh, it's a werewolf guy.
joe rogan
Teen Wolf killed him for you?
unidentified
Yeah, yeah.
brian redban
It's like, fucking Michael J. Fox is not scary.
joe rogan
Did Twilight kill it for you for vampires?
brian redban
No, vampires are already killed for me a long time ago.
joe rogan
Dude, if you think vampires are killed, go watch Gary Oldman do Dracula.
brian redban
Yeah, that's what I'm saying though.
But then also watch the million other TV shows and fucking knockoffs.
joe rogan
Totally.
But if Gary Oldman came out today with a new Dracula, he could rock that shit and you'd be believing in vampires again.
brian redban
But not Wolfman, not too much.
joe rogan
Wolfman's done.
I think he's done.
I think that last one with Benicio Del Toro, that killed it for me.
I'm a Wolfman fan, bro, and I couldn't do it.
We've talked about this too many times on the podcast.
I have Wolfman fetishes.
I have some crazy fucking werewolf thing, man.
I don't know what it is.
Ever since I was a little kid, I loved werewolf movies.
Just like the idea.
aubrey marcus
You showed some sketches.
You were drawing werewolves.
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
In high school.
Yeah.
When I was a little kid, even before high school, a lot of them were from when I was like 12 and 13. I'm fucked up.
unidentified
Yeah.
aubrey marcus
They tap into something primal in Joe Rogan.
joe rogan
There's some fucking part of me.
That's why I moved to the woods, man.
There's some part of me that wants to be out with animals.
aubrey marcus
Has anybody seen Joe Rogan on a full moon?
brian redban
Right.
joe rogan
It ain't that, man.
brian redban
Why is he tweeting at 6 a.m.?
joe rogan
It's because I can't live in the jungle.
If I could live in the jungle, I'd live in the jungle.
But there's no jungle in America, so I choose the woods.
It's like...
I really would like to be just living around animals and shit.
aubrey marcus
Well, it's got to represent some primal part of all of us.
joe rogan
Yeah, there's some energy, I think.
This sounds so hippie, faggy bullshit.
brian redban
Yeah, bro.
joe rogan
It's so true, man.
There's like certain energy you get when you're around these animals.
brian redban
It's so right.
joe rogan
One of the people that I lived near up there was this crazy yoga lady.
Very nice lady, but crazy yoga lady.
And I was talking to her about mountain lions.
I'm like, listen, how do you guys deal with the fact there's mountain lions?
Because there's a fucking corner store up there that had a sign that if you get attacked by a bear, you should play dead.
And if you're attacked by a mountain lion, you should fight back.
I'm like, what the fuck?
You have strategies to deal with different monsters jacking you.
You're going to play dead while a bear is biting the fuck out of you.
Really?
aubrey marcus
That's tough.
joe rogan
You're really going to do that?
Are you going to be able to do that?
Holy shit.
So I said, how do you deal with this?
How do you deal with the fact that you're around these beasts?
She goes, I just let them all in.
unidentified
When I walk through the woods, I let them know that I'm here among you.
joe rogan
I'm no threat.
I love you.
I love you, and I love them, and I just walk through, and I've never had a problem.
Like, bitch, you've been so lucky.
You zigged when you could have zagged, and you could have walked right on to a mother cougar, protected her young.
You could have fucked up and walked into a fucking grizzly bear, and it could have been with its cobs and freaked out and decided to eat your face.
You got lucky.
aubrey marcus
You see all those documentaries, the people who hang out with these predators long enough.
joe rogan
Why do people think that they are better than deer?
Why do you think that if there's love in nature, why does, is it really all love?
Why does nature let this murderous cougar snap this deer's fucking neck and suck the blood out and then eat its guts first?
Because that's what they do.
They go guts first because they don't eat grass.
They get their vegetation by eating the guts of the things they kill.
But it wouldn't happen to you.
Why would it happen to the deer and not to you?
aubrey marcus
Yeah, exactly.
joe rogan
Do you really think the universe gives a fuck?
If you're around a predator and it wants to eat and it looks at you and says, I think I ate one of these back in the 90s, I'll try it again.
aubrey marcus
It was good.
joe rogan
Yeah.
I only get a hiker once every 10 years, but fuck it.
aubrey marcus
They got that muesli in their system.
joe rogan
Yeah, dude.
They'll jack you.
Especially when they get used to it.
There's an area, I talked about it in my act, an area in India called the Sundarbans.
And they have a real problem with tigers there because the tigers have gotten used to eating people.
The tsunamis, or the typhoons rather, they wash a lot of bodies into the river.
A lot of people drown.
These are fucking villagers, man.
These people are really poor.
They're living in like shacks on the river in India.
And the tigers eat the bodies that drown.
And so they get a taste of human flesh and they just start jacking people.
Just jacking people.
aubrey marcus
Ghost in the darkness.
joe rogan
You can't go anywhere.
Bro, there's videos on YouTube.
And look this up, folks.
If you're at home or when you get home, you've got to check out Sundarban's Tigers.
Because there's a bunch of cool documentaries online.
And one of them, these poor fucks, these guys are census takers.
So they have to find out how many of these murderous monsters are out there in the tall grass.
In the fucking tall grass.
Out on a boat.
So this guy has a rifle and he's got a helmet on.
And the helmet has a mask on the back of the head.
Because tigers like to sneak up behind you and jack you.
They don't want you to see them coming.
They just want to jack you.
So these guys are wearing helmets to protect themselves from getting jacked by monsters.
And they have a mask with a fucking face on the back of the head.
Well, the tigers figured it out after a while that it was just a face.
So they started jacking guys from the back anyway, even though they have these face on.
A bunch of dudes in the census takers get killed by tigers with fucking masks on.
So now they're fucked.
These things can swim, so they have to make sure that their boat has an engine so they can swim faster than the tiger can.
They can run 50 miles an hour, and they've killed 300,000 people in the last 200 years.
aubrey marcus
That's insane.
You'd think that someone would take up the challenge and be like, all right, tigers, we're smarter.
Let's fucking do this.
joe rogan
Dude, people are like, hey, they're a part of nature.
They're a part of nature.
aubrey marcus
In some regards, they're right.
I mean, what makes us that much better?
joe rogan
Because we have the guns.
This is ridiculous.
We don't need them around.
It's so stupid.
Kill them all.
What are you, crazy?
People in India should be like, we are worried about the extinction of the tigers.
You should be worried.
You should be worried about your murderous master that lives in the jungle.
Yeah, you've got to keep it alive.
It's your god.
Are you crazy?
Are you fucking that attached to these animals that want to kill people?
Just gun them down, man.
Gun them down.
brian redban
Or put human masks on the back of the tigers and really confuse everything.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's what you're going to do, Brian.
You're going to find the tiger and put a mask on it.
You fuck.
unidentified
How dare you?
joe rogan
Did you try to trick the tigers?
brian redban
That's what I'm saying.
It would confuse everything, you know?
There'd be people with tiger masks on the back of their heads and tigers with human masks.
joe rogan
If you could transfer human consciousness into anything, if you could transfer human consciousness into...
Like an animal.
Just to see what it'd be like.
How dope would it be to be able to download your fucking brain into a tiger's body?
And just be moving that shit around.
And running up a tree and shit.
For sure.
How fucking insane would that be, man?
If you could just control the body of a tiger with your human mind.
brian redban
And fuck other tigers.
unidentified
Oh!
Shit!
brian redban
Tiger sex!
joe rogan
God damn!
How crazy would that be?
brian redban
It would totally feel right.
joe rogan
Oh my god, it would feel perfect.
And even when she freaks out at you, you're like, bitch, I got this!
It'll allow her to intimidate you.
Even though it's a tiger and you've got your dick inside of her, you have no fear.
You have full control of this thing.
aubrey marcus
Just blast for 20 seconds.
joe rogan
Just shoot loads into her.
Just shoot tiger loads into her.
That would be insane, man.
I would think, though, if I had to choose, I would take eagle.
I would like to be an eagle.
That would be the dopest thing ever.
Yeah, because eagles get to jackfish from the air.
Yeah, bro.
unidentified
It's our fucking national animal for a reason, bro.
joe rogan
Have some respect.
aubrey marcus
The turkey was supposed to be our national animal.
joe rogan
Really?
aubrey marcus
Yeah, Benjamin Franklin was putting forward the turkey.
Turkey's the smartest bird.
joe rogan
That would have made us less douchey.
See, in Canada they have a maple leaf.
They're all like, chill up there.
We're going to fucking kill a bird.
brian redban
That we eat once a year.
joe rogan
An eagle?
brian redban
No, no, a turkey.
We eat our national bird, man.
joe rogan
If we didn't have the eagle, maybe we wouldn't be so douchey.
Because the eagle is such a douchey animal.
What, bitch?
Why would we want an eagle, first of all?
Because eagles don't give a fuck about anybody.
You ever look into an eagle's eyes?
That's like the pits of hell.
They don't give a fuck about you.
If you're holding them and feeding them every day, and they're a little thing on your arm, and you get shot in the head with a howitzer, they'll go, well, I guess I'm not hanging out here anymore.
Just fly away.
They don't get sad.
They don't feel bad that you're dead.
aubrey marcus
There was a hawk that landed on our ranch, and we knew something was off with it because it was just hanging around the house.
So my parents were like, all right, we got to try and bring it in.
We got to try to get it to the vet or something like that.
So they sent me with a kitchen glove.
joe rogan
Were they short of bullets?
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
They sent me with a kitchen glove and a little piece of steak.
joe rogan
Get the fuck out of here!
aubrey marcus
So I'm going very slowly, looking at this hawk in the eye, thinking of the options.
Do I fight?
Do I run?
What happened?
But it turned out that it was a domesticated hawk, so I was able to give it the meat, and then it dug it, and then it hopped on the kitchen glove.
joe rogan
That's crazy!
aubrey marcus
Brought it into the house, and then I rescued it.
joe rogan
Does it have to be domesticated for that to have happened?
aubrey marcus
I don't know.
I'm glad I found out.
joe rogan
Because did you ask him, like, have you done this before?
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, bro.
unidentified
That's what we do.
That's what we do.
aubrey marcus
No problem.
joe rogan
Climb on your glove, bro.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
brian redban
What animal would you be?
joe rogan
Shut the fuck up.
Brian's on a date.
Chris is a very handsome man.
aubrey marcus
I almost answered that.
That's the sad part.
I was right there with you.
I was like, oh, actually, Brian.
brian redban
Well, we have to know the answer now.
joe rogan
Well, it's like one of those things if someone asks you, what's your favorite color?
Shut up, dick.
But meanwhile, it is a valid question.
Maybe you have a reason why you're into violet.
brian redban
I'm into purple.
joe rogan
I'm into fuchsia.
I want to shock you.
I'm in the fuchsia.
Look, I'm fuchsia.
I got a hot fuchsia car.
I'm radical.
aubrey marcus
Didn't Cameron trademark some kind of pink is his color?
joe rogan
Did he really?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Good fan.
aubrey marcus
Trademarked it.
joe rogan
My boy Javi Vasquez, he fights in pink shorts.
He wears pink little fucking tighties when he fights.
He fights for Strikeforce.
He's a bad motherfucker.
He fights for WEC, excuse me.
He was fighting for, he won the King of the Cage title.
He won, he fought in Japan and won over there.
He always wears pink shorts.
He doesn't give a fuck.
aubrey marcus
No one wants to get beat by the big shorts.
joe rogan
Beat your ass.
Beat your ass with sissy clothes on.
aubrey marcus
All you see is the stars are clearing out.
It's just pink shorts in a package staring you at the face.
joe rogan
There's another dude, that dude, what the fuck is his name?
Tim Kennedy.
Tim Kennedy always trains with pink gloves.
He wears these big fucking girly looking pink gloves.
But he's like, when you're a fierce motherfucker, you can wear pink.
It totally makes sense.
How did a color get to be so disparaged?
unidentified
Why?
aubrey marcus
It was the traditional girl color.
joe rogan
But why?
What is it?
aubrey marcus
Because people gave it to girls on the baby shower day.
So it was just ingrained.
joe rogan
But why?
Why are they into pink all over the world?
In Transylvania, are little girls into black?
They're all little goth girls?
I don't know.
Is that the big color for little girls?
brian redban
I think pink's the prettiest color, you know?
I think if you don't want red, because that's like an evil hot color.
joe rogan
Thank you, you just passed my faggot test.
I think pink's the prettiest color.
brian redban
Because it's sparkly.
joe rogan
How did pink get to keep the name pink?
The singer Pink.
How the fuck has nobody else been Pink?
That bitch got the best name a chick could have ever.
What's the girliest shit ever?
aubrey marcus
Pink.
joe rogan
All girls love Pink.
She does deserve it.
She's a badass.
I wrote a whole blog about watching her perform at the Emmys.
I watched her perform and I was like, you gotta be fucking shitting me.
That was just sheer brilliance in coordination with perfect singing and Just so in tune with the crowd and had everyone mesmerized.
It was fucking beyond.
But I'm just shocked that nobody got pink before.
I mean, she's not old.
It's not like she got there first.
Nobody thought to call themselves pink?
brian redban
It seems like there probably was, I bet.
joe rogan
Some fucking dummy that just didn't trademark it?
brian redban
Right.
joe rogan
I think there's probably some bitches out there.
I was a real pink.
I was pink way before that hoe.
brian redban
Charlie Chaplin was pink once.
unidentified
I was pink in the 80s.
They didn't have no internet.
joe rogan
She heard about me.
She heard about me and created her own shit.
unidentified
Jacked my name.
joe rogan
That bitch jacked my name.
Whenever someone famous gets famous, there's always someone that thinks that...
That happens all the time.
Like, oh, he's got my whole act.
That's my whole routine.
I was doing that in the Catskills.
aubrey marcus
I taught him everything he knows.
joe rogan
I've heard that story so many times that a guy makes it and then you go, oh, you know, that guy made it.
But there was a guy back in, like, Michigan who was scared to leave town, but he was the guy.
He learned from that guy.
Like, there's, like, Kramer.
There's a real Kramer.
You know, Kramer from Seinfeld?
But this is a real dude.
He calls himself the real Kramer.
And he gives tours of New York.
He just bursts through doors?
Well, I guess he's universally acknowledged as the guy who inspired that character.
So somehow or another, they let him capitalize on it.
He gives tours and shit.
Which has got to be so twisted.
brian redban
And boring.
joe rogan
Maybe not, man.
Maybe for him, it's like the shit, you know?
Maybe if he was a dentist, he'd be bored.
And maybe if my dentist had his job, he'd be terrified.
unidentified
Maybe.
aubrey marcus
Maybe the dentist would put it off himself.
joe rogan
I don't mean, who knows?
If he really was supposed to be Kramer, the guy's got to be very eccentric, right?
I mean, if that's really the guy who they, you know, model it after.
unidentified
What the fuck?
joe rogan
What does that guy do now?
aubrey marcus
I've seen him randomly in placements and appearances.
joe rogan
Really?
Recently?
brian redban
You're talking about...
joe rogan
Kramer.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
brian redban
The real one.
joe rogan
Yeah, what the fuck's his name?
aubrey marcus
He's about to go in some house.
joe rogan
Why did I forget?
How come I'm forgetting his name?
unidentified
Michael Richards.
joe rogan
Michael Richards.
Thank you.
brian redban
He just attacked a photographer the other day.
joe rogan
Did he?
brian redban
I don't know.
joe rogan
I thought he had it together.
aubrey marcus
Who would have thought?
brian redban
I guess he punched him and stuff.
joe rogan
That's one of the worst predicaments in the history of the media for an actor.
For an actor to have done, that was one of the worst predicaments.
You know, that's like, you know, like people have caught people with hookers, like Hugh Grant got busted with hookers, and you know, and Alec Baldwin yelled at his kid.
That's all good, but...
You know, it's not that bad.
He yelled out, here is a nigger.
Look, we have a nigger.
I know what he was trying to do.
brian redban
Spoiler alert.
joe rogan
What he was trying to do is say something completely shocking about And somehow or another rescue himself from a bad situation where he was bombing.
And he wanted to figure out how to get them, how to hurt them, how to let them know that he didn't give a fuck.
Like, oh, you're going to fuck with my show?
You think it's okay?
Oh, you think because I'm on Seinfeld I won't get crazy at you?
Oh, look, here's a nigger.
Look, we have some niggers.
And everybody was like, whoa, what the fuck?
It's shocking.
But what's most shocking to me is that that word still works.
aubrey marcus
It's one of the few words that still has magic left in it.
It still has that ability to affect people.
unidentified
It's nuts.
aubrey marcus
It's interesting.
joe rogan
It's amazing.
aubrey marcus
The only one left, the other one, I think cunt.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Dude, I have a whole bit on it.
I have a whole bit about the three magic words.
Love, nigger, and cunt.
Those are the three words, the three magic words.
The word love always has way more power than any other words you can string together.
Like, I care about you so much.
I think about you all day.
I don't know what it is.
When I'm around you, I want to be affectionate.
Do you love me?
You have to say it.
You have to say, I love you.
Like, I love...
Oh, it's the fucking...
We're in.
We're in the house.
We're in the love house.
We all go in.
That's magic word number one.
Cunt, sort of.
But that's getting abused a lot.
Yeah.
Especially in England.
brian redban
Hallmark's using cunt in cards now, so I don't think it's...
joe rogan
Is Hallmark using cunt in cards?
In England, they cunt all the time.
Everything's cunt.
This fucking cunt.
Cunt, fucking cunt.
aubrey marcus
Talking about dudes.
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah.
This fucking cunt over here.
Yeah, they start, they cunt it up so much that it's like, this fucking dude.
It's like, they're saying dude.
aubrey marcus
We're gonna be left with two words.
joe rogan
Yeah, but nigger's still very, very controversial.
You know, and just even the joke in my act, I would say that even saying it's a word.
Like, I'm not even calling anybody yet.
We're just saying the word.
And you're like, can't.
Candyman, Candyman, Candyman.
It is like that.
You're saying an incantation that's going to bring violence your way.
You're using a bad word.
You're not even calling anybody anything.
You're just saying that this word exists and incanting it and saying it out loud.
You run the risk of violence.
It's amazing.
That's amazing that it's 2010 and we think that's okay.
aubrey marcus
I think it's one of the few words where I can't even hear my own voice saying it because I don't think I've had the courage to voice it.
joe rogan
Oh, it's just a word, man.
brian redban
I say it to girls all the time.
joe rogan
When you're fucking them?
brian redban
Yeah.
joe rogan
Tell me how you do it.
Tell me what you say.
brian redban
Hey, you fucking nigger.
joe rogan
Whoa!
That was offensive, Brian.
I thought you were going to say N-word.
Fucking N-word.
That's even more offensive.
unidentified
Dirty bitch.
joe rogan
Feel free to swear in front of you.
You might be wearing a Y, you dirty N-word.
brian redban
But she's not really one, so it's not bad.
If she was really black, then it would feel bad.
But if she's white...
joe rogan
Well, you could be a white nigger.
unidentified
I think that's in a song somewhere.
aubrey marcus
I'm sure it is.
joe rogan
What's a wigger?
brian redban
No, nigger.
joe rogan
Brian, stop saying that.
unidentified
It's uncomfortable for everyone.
joe rogan
We just weirded out half of America.
brian redban
I know.
joe rogan
Half of America, ridiculous.
There's 100,000 people listening to this thing.
Listen, folks, they're just words.
That's the point.
It's a ridiculous point that's been argued throughout time.
It shouldn't be still going on.
It should always be your intent.
It should always be like whenever you're in any environment where you're not allowed to say certain words, you make that environment at least 20% bullshit at all times.
Any work environment that you're at, nobody's really totally being themselves.
Everybody has to have this stupid guard up.
Because you can't say cunt and you can't say fuck and you can't say shit and you can't talk honestly about how you feel about things.
No, you're in a professional working environment.
aubrey marcus
Except at Fleshlight, I'll have to say.
joe rogan
Except at Fleshlight.
Chris, by the way, works at Fleshlight.
Chris, what is your exact job over there?
Executive VP. He's the reason why we made the connection and he's also the reason why they have an avatar flashlight.
aubrey marcus
Just as a correction, this is not an avatar flashlight.
joe rogan
Did I say avatar?
aubrey marcus
This is the alien pussy.
We actually launched this two years ago.
Yeah, totally.
Which is how we're getting around things.
joe rogan
Space pussy.
aubrey marcus
So we pushed this out two years ago.
It was just a space vagina.
We put some girls in some blue lipstick.
joe rogan
Oh, so this was before Avatar.
aubrey marcus
But it just happens that there's a super hot alien that's blue.
joe rogan
You didn't even make it look like a vagina at all.
aubrey marcus
Double clits, Joe.
joe rogan
I like how you did that.
unidentified
I like it.
aubrey marcus
Double clits.
brian redban
And inside, the mold is a whole bunch of different stuff.
joe rogan
So you've thought of this.
brian redban
The mold inside is like a bunch of space.
joe rogan
Eggshells and shit.
Dinosaur eggs.
aubrey marcus
Every thousand flat side has a razor blade.
brian redban
It has like different ribs inside.
joe rogan
Okay, urban myth?
Is that an urban myth?
The razor blade in the vagina from Vietnam?
Is that an urban myth?
aubrey marcus
I've never heard of it.
joe rogan
That hookers would do that?
You never heard that?
aubrey marcus
No.
joe rogan
Yeah man, hookers would take these back in Vietnam.
It was like when I was a kid in high school and growing up in Boston.
Back in Vietnam, I heard what they did.
They took razor blades and they put them up the girl's vagina and they'd fuck them and cut your dick in half.
You never heard that before?
brian redban
No, never.
joe rogan
Wow, I hung out with a bad crowd.
Have you heard of the rape condoms?
aubrey marcus
I've heard of those.
Yeah, they have little spikes on them and they stick.
joe rogan
What?
They shove it in the girl.
The girl shoves it inside of her like a tampon.
And it's basically like an interior lining for her vagina that's filled with barbs.
Like fishhook type deals.
So these guys, they rape a lot apparently in Africa.
It's like a Serious, serious problem.
brian redban
It's super in right now.
joe rogan
It's like one out of three women in Africa has been raped in certain areas of Africa.
And this is one of the areas where they're pushing these rape condoms.
Like, those guys are going to kill now.
Now it's not just going to be rape.
It's going to be rape and murder.
You know, if a guy sticks his dick inside you and comes out bloody and covered with fishhooks, chances are he might hit you, right?
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
Even if he's raping you.
Yeah.
It's gonna give you a moment.
He's such an asshole that he would rape you.
Yeah, so give you a moment.
But a guy who's such an asshole that he would rape you, you don't think he'll kill you if you cut his dick up?
That guy's a piece of shit, you know?
He's not gonna go, you were right!
You were right!
I shouldn't have raped you.
I got fish hooks on my dick.
I deserve it.
No, he's going to attack you, right?
I would assume.
aubrey marcus
I was actually out there in Africa, Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda, and out with some of the tribesmen.
We were working with some of the men out there to try and actually instill traditional martial arts into them.
joe rogan
So you're teaching martial arts to the tribesmen?
aubrey marcus
Yeah, and some of the inner city, the slum kids, because really they have a whole generation of fathers that are gone from AIDS. Just no father figures, so they have nothing else to really go to.
So they get picked up by gangs, they get picked up by these war parties, and then they get turned into little killers.
So what we're trying to do is show them some kind of paternal discipline and show them that they can be strong and powerful without having to be in a gang.
And it was a really cool program, and it worked, but it's fucking intense out there, man.
It's really intense.
We ended up having to stop the program because Civil War broke out in Kenya, and it was just too nutty to keep doing it.
joe rogan
God damn!
aubrey marcus
Yeah, it was pretty crazy.
joe rogan
So you're over there teaching them martial arts?
unidentified
Yep.
joe rogan
Wow.
aubrey marcus
Very traditional, stylized.
We weren't going into MMA, ground and pound techniques.
joe rogan
Discipline, karate type shit.
aubrey marcus
Going through the kata and definitely speaking to them.
I mean, they dug it.
joe rogan
It's kind of interesting that Africa is not known for martial arts.
You know, it's like Africa is the cradle of civilization, right?
That's where humans emanated from.
But really, martial arts didn't really pick up until they got to like Asia.
I mean, there was other martial arts that were developed in other countries.
But for whatever reason, I think it's because Africa was so fucked up, they just went straight to weapons.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
They're like, what are we doing?
We're fucking around here with karate chops.
Give me a gun.
You have a gun?
Give me a pointy stick, man.
Give me some shit.
I gotta stab some fucking animals with some hyenas trying to eat my kids, alright?
You can't just, you know, fucking box them like in Ireland.
unidentified
Hey, how are you trying to eat my kids?
joe rogan
Yeah, man, in Ireland, what do they have to worry about?
A deer gets into your yard?
You know what I'm saying?
They had time to beat the fuck out of each other.
aubrey marcus
Or a whiskey bottle.
joe rogan
Yeah, they didn't even bother learning MMA. They didn't even bother with takedowns or leg kicks or anything like that.
They're like, ah, this is good enough.
Just use our hands.
We don't need to get crazy with the knees.
Come on, Flattery.
Elbows are against the rules, lad.
Why are you hitting me with that?
We're not trying to kill each other, okay?
But in Africa, they're like, fuck you.
They're going right for pointy sticks to your chest.
They're like poison darts and shit.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, blowguns.
joe rogan
Yeah, they're just trying to jack you.
aubrey marcus
The exception is the Greco-Roman style wrestling that some of the tribes have.
joe rogan
Really?
They got good Greco in Africa?
aubrey marcus
Some of the tribes.
That's what determines the alpha in the tribe.
unidentified
Really?
aubrey marcus
They do all kinds of crazy rituals.
joe rogan
Do they have good technique?
Do you think you can take their back?
aubrey marcus
Yeah, dude.
They don't defend the double leg.
No way.
joe rogan
Let him get on top.
Sweep his ass.
You got no base sign.
aubrey marcus
You don't know about the rubber guard.
joe rogan
You don't know about my lockdown.
aubrey marcus
He's flopping up and down.
All of a sudden, he's choked out.
joe rogan
I get half guard on you, bitch.
You got a problem.
You got a deep problem.
aubrey marcus
Wake up with shit in his loinclos.
joe rogan
So what kind of wrestling do they do?
aubrey marcus
Well, it's just like real Greco-Roman.
joe rogan
But is it like technical?
Do they understand underhooks and overhooks and hip movement?
What kind of throws?
Do they have throws that are like judo throws?
aubrey marcus
A bit like judo, shoulder throws, like hip throws.
joe rogan
An all-American wrestler would go there and jack them.
aubrey marcus
I mean, they don't have the nutrition and the training.
joe rogan
Yeah, they're eating bugs and shit.
That ain't good for your Greco-Roman.
Bugs ain't good for your wrestling.
aubrey marcus
Drinking some stuff out of the fear factory.
joe rogan
Drinking goat blood and shit.
Yeah, exactly.
We were talking about this on the show before, but in Africa, trepanning, where you cut a hole into the top of the head.
Have you ever seen that?
aubrey marcus
No.
joe rogan
Dude, some tribes in Africa do the gnarliest shit to their bodies, and I've always tried to figure out what that is.
Where is that coming from?
But one of them is trepanin, T-R-E-P-A-N, and it means cutting a hole through the skull and exposing the brain.
And this one guy had done it 20 times.
aubrey marcus
I'm sure that's very antiseptic condition.
joe rogan
No, yeah, they're doing it with coconut shells and shit.
They're fucking...
Cutting your head over with a sharp rock.
And I'm not joking.
They are using rocks and shit.
No anesthetic whatsoever.
Carving in a dude's skulls.
And then the women in Surrey who cut the hole in their lip and they put plates in.
And the bigger the plate, the more cows you're worth when you get married.
What is that about?
When is all that?
aubrey marcus
Those are tough to figure out.
joe rogan
Scarification, they do a lot of that.
aubrey marcus
The one that's easier to figure out, but I think maybe the worst, is the clitorectomies that are done by the Maasai tribe, traditional Maasai.
joe rogan
Not just them, right?
There's more of them.
aubrey marcus
There's more of them.
joe rogan
So bad.
aubrey marcus
And then once they do that, sex is just never pleasurable to these women.
They're trying to do it as a deterrent for adults.
joe rogan
They're haters.
Totally.
They have no game.
And they want to control these chicks for life.
And then the chick turns like 20 and she wises up.
Like, dude, you fucking smell.
I'm not into this relationship.
I'm going to get some good dick.
Right.
And she tries to leave.
You are my property!
And then they have problems.
It's a bunch of haters, man.
It's all those faggots that won't let chicks dance.
All those dudes who want to put chicks in burkas and shit.
Cover everything but your eyes.
They want them to walk around like they're inside of a trash can looking through a slot.
unidentified
Right.
aubrey marcus
All totally insecure.
joe rogan
Haters, little faggots.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, for sure.
joe rogan
Little bitch-ass people living in the middle of nowhere.
aubrey marcus
For sure.
joe rogan
It's the dumbest place in the world because it's the first place.
I always say that the Middle East is basically, they're like the townies of the world.
Because that is where written language is created.
I mean...
The Middle East is responsible for so many firsts.
Mesopotamia, Babylonia, where Iraq is, is ancient Sumer.
They had the first written language, the first agriculture, the first government, the first astrology, the first astronomy.
They had a lot of firsts there.
It was a brilliant, brilliant place.
So much development, but Everybody, like in all good places, they got tired of the douchebags and they moved.
And everybody spread out.
Civilizations spread out across the country.
It's just like America.
If you go to the East Coast, you get a lot of holdouts.
That's what it is.
A lot of stubborn people that go, I fucking like it here.
Fuck everybody else.
And what they really are is the grandchildren and children of fucking savages.
People in Ireland and Poland and England...
That life over there sucked so much cock that they were willing to get on a boat for months and come to someplace they didn't even know what the fuck it was.
And so then they get there and then they huddle up and they try to figure out this new place and fight off the fucking Indians and do whatever they have to do to make a business.
Everybody smart goes, there's got to be someplace better than this.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
And they started traveling west.
aubrey marcus
Devote your vital energy to something besides bare survival.
joe rogan
Yeah, so that is the civilization beginning, is Sumer.
And that is Iraq, and that is the Middle East.
That's why the Middle East is so fucked up.
That's why there's such haters over there.
aubrey marcus
You know, I have a theory that I don't think has been explored very much, but it seems like in the desert areas of the world, they're very patriarchal-dominated.
And then you get to the coastlands, you get to the jungles.
They have a lot more matriarchal societies that have a lot more respect for women and the religions appear different.
Something about that dry, arid landscape.
And of course, the major desert religions, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, have kind of really taken hold there.
For whatever reason, that kind of patriarchal dominance that occurs out there in the desert areas is different.
It's a hard life, right?
joe rogan
It's a hard life.
It demands hard living.
And you also have to realize that they had this hard, radical ideology thousands and thousands of years ago.
And a hard, radical ideology is very difficult to break without a revolution.
It doesn't sort of evolve.
You know, if their ideology about like, and I don't know how recent it's been that they've been so strict with women with the clitorectomies and with the burkas.
I mean, how recent has that been?
aubrey marcus
I mean, it's still going on.
joe rogan
Right, but I mean, when did it start?
I mean, is it something that's been going on for hundreds of years?
unidentified
It's been going on a while.
joe rogan
Thousands of years?
aubrey marcus
At least a hundred.
I don't know how much longer that is.
joe rogan
When you have a situation where there's a lot of fear and a lot of religious fanaticism, it's really hard to change because everybody's scared.
aubrey marcus
Well, even the females for the clitorectomies, some of them feel like they can't become a woman until they get it.
It's so ingrained.
So if they make it illegal, it's actually forcing some women underground to get them done in even worse conditions than the flint rock and the chisel or whatever they use to get it done.
So it's a nightmare.
I mean, you really got to attack it with education.
I mean, that's the only real option.
joe rogan
It's one of those things where I think about, there's certain levels of fear when fear gets ingrained into a culture and when it's control, and that's what a lot of that is.
The controlling of women with the clothing and the dancing to try to prevent other men from fucking them and all that craziness.
When that shit gets a hold of a culture, it's very hard to get it out.
You know what I'm saying?
It takes like a new restart.
aubrey marcus
Or a person.
joe rogan
Or a person, sure.
Absolutely.
But at least a culture, or a person rather, is responsible for themselves.
People can wake up and go, hey, I'm a douchebag.
I need to snap out of this.
It's very difficult for a culture to wake up and go, hey, we're fucked up.
Look what we're doing overseas.
Look what we're pretending that this is going on and we're making billions and we got all these fucking dummies that are listening to us.
We can do better.
It's very rare that a culture wakes up or a government wakes up or any large group that a person can wake up, right?
aubrey marcus
I think the best thing to do would be to put internet kiosks fucking everywhere.
Just put that in satellite internet, just get them out there and have them watch Spice Girls.
I mean, at that point, they're going to say, yeah, clitoris.
brian redban
They kind of do that with those cheap laptops.
Have you seen those things?
joe rogan
Are they getting into them?
brian redban
Yeah, they're like throwing them in different places like that.
joe rogan
That really is.
Yeah, they definitely need some big inoculation of the retardation that they've gone through for decades and hundreds and thousands of years.
They need something to get them to evolve.
If you get people that are just so wacky about a certain ideology to the point where they're so nutty that you're not even allowed to draw their main dude.
Think how crazy that is.
You can't draw their main guy or they'll kill you.
Why do we tolerate this?
Why does anyone tolerate that?
I mean, that is absolutely crazy.
Like, it's not saying, no one's saying that Muhammad doesn't exist or never did exist or he's not a prophet.
He might very well be.
I am completely uneducated to that matter.
But you're telling me that you can't draw him?
Come on.
That's silly.
aubrey marcus
One of the tenets, I had a great philosophy instructor when I was going to school, and one of the tenets that he taught, he was a philosophy of religion specialist, and he said, you know, any god that should be worshipped should be worthy of worship.
So if you're a god and someone's drawing you and you're going to smite them, I mean, that dude isn't worthy of worship.
joe rogan
Well, it's the followers that smite, right?
aubrey marcus
Right, but it's because they're smiting because they feel it's an offense to God.
You know, like if someone's drawing you, you're not going to get pissed.
So does that mean that you're better than God?
It can't be.
You can't have a system where, you know, the God isn't worthy of worship and being at least as good as another man.
joe rogan
And this was my thought, is that all of this seems so archaic and ridiculous.
It seems so several thousand years ago.
It's amazing that this kind of ideology is allowed to live through this age of information, like deep into the 2000s.
That's fascinating, man.
It's fascinating.
aubrey marcus
It is.
I think there's a real grain of truth at the bottom of all these religions, some beautiful things.
I mean, I'm sure in the Quran, you know, I'm not as familiar as I am with some of the other works, but I've seen a little bit.
There's beautiful passages, spiritual and really powerfully beautiful passages and all that.
But then, you know, men get in there and they're able to utilize that as a mechanism of power to wield more power over other people.
It just gets kind of twisted.
joe rogan
But what's the origin of it all?
I mean, if it isn't the Word of God, what is it?
Is it smart people who figure some things out and somehow or another figure out how to tell it to people?
And those people tell it to each other for thousands of years and then it eventually gets written down.
And by that point, it's become fables and the words have been twisted and things have gotten strange and the translations are off, the memory's off.
I mean, if you're dealing with something as big as the Bible, how many hundreds of pages is that?
It's a lot.
unidentified
A lot.
joe rogan
It's a lot.
So you use how to say it.
It's a spoken word thing for like a thousand years, and then they wrote it down?
aubrey marcus
It was a while, and they had a council to decide.
It was like an editing council where they decided, which, nah, this goes in, nah, this goes out.
joe rogan
Well, how about the fucking New Testament?
The New Testament's even better than that.
There were canons for the New Testament.
They just threw out.
They're like, nah, I don't...
It's an editor.
brian redban
They just recently redid it.
joe rogan
Oh, they redid it?
brian redban
Yeah, they have like a newer, newer test.
joe rogan
Yeah, I was just talking to Jesus and shit, and he got some old notes.
We got some old Tupac tapes we're gonna pull out.
Jesus is like Tupac.
They're redoing his words.
brian redban
That talking snake shape was real.
joe rogan
There was a bunch of apostles that were like, eh, that dude ain't all that.
I don't care if we know Jesus.
aubrey marcus
So they chose the words that fitted their agenda.
joe rogan
Yeah, well, that was Constantine.
That was when Constantine was controlling Rome.
He was a smart dude.
He realized he needed to rope people up with one universal religion.
It couldn't be pagans.
aubrey marcus
Well, at that point, though, the slave class had really outnumbered the other classes.
So he says it came to him in a dream or whatever, but I think he was trying to survive.
I mean, the Christianity spread in the lower classes.
I mean, they idealized that theory that they were going to go to heaven and all these rich people who were putting them to work and doing shitty stuff to them, they were going to go to hell.
So it took off.
And then he was like, oh shit, almost our entire country is slaves.
I'm a Christian.
Like, bam, I had a dream.
joe rogan
Really?
aubrey marcus
And then that's what did it.
He says it came to him in a dream, but really I think it was survival.
joe rogan
So the Christians were just taken over then?
aubrey marcus
They were.
There was just too many in that lower class versus the patricians who were well outnumbered at that point.
joe rogan
That's fascinating.
So it was a survival move more than a control move.
aubrey marcus
I think so.
At that point, the adoption of Christianity was like he saw the flood, he saw the tides going, and he was going to either get trampled by it or he was going to go with it.
joe rogan
Wouldn't you have loved to have been in that war meeting?
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
For real.
joe rogan
When they're like, alright, how are we going to handle this?
Like, yo, we got some shit.
Some shit is going down.
There's some people out there with pitchforks and fucking torches and shit.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
Feeding them to the lions was just making them mad at that point.
joe rogan
Let's tell them we found Jesus.
Yes!
I like that.
Let's tell them we found Jesus.
unidentified
Go with it.
aubrey marcus
Go with it.
joe rogan
I'm fucking...
I'm born again.
I don't know about y'all.
Are you born again?
I'm totally born again.
We can still keep everything going as usual.
unidentified
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
We bring them in.
We're going to have to include them, but they're not going to kill us.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
unidentified
Whew.
joe rogan
Okay, we're good.
We're born again.
We're born again.
unidentified
That's it.
aubrey marcus
And off to the races there.
History has changed.
joe rogan
Oh, ridiculous.
And he didn't even become a Christian until right before he died.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know, right?
Wasn't he baptized, like, before he died?
aubrey marcus
I'm not sure exactly the timing.
He had a little bit of time.
joe rogan
For a long time.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, it wasn't a while.
I mean, he didn't start leading like that.
joe rogan
I'm not dunking my fucking head in the water.
Dude, you gotta do it.
You gotta do it.
They don't believe you unless you do it.
We've got to fucking get in the water.
The water sucks.
It's cold.
You've got to do their thing.
You've got to get in the water.
aubrey marcus
You know who's on point?
You posted a video about him, but I've read all of his books.
It's John Shelby Spong, Why Christianity Must Change or Die.
I think you actually posted a YouTube video.
joe rogan
I'm sure I did, yeah.
aubrey marcus
And he's a preacher who kind of He's commenting, a very devout Christian who's commenting on the way Christianity has gone.
His second book is Why Christianity Must Change or Die.
And it's really a poignant book for anybody interested in that.
joe rogan
Yeah, he was fascinating.
He was like, we're in the control business.
This is all the control business.
He was so upfront about the entire career that he had in it.
aubrey marcus
Brutally honest.
His first book goes through different passages and basically attacks the fundamentalist position of Christianity and says, look, this doesn't make sense.
This is a book.
It was a guidebook.
There's lots of stuff that doesn't make a lot of sense in here anymore.
Let's go through this.
Let's get rid of this.
And then his second book philosophically talks about how the evolution of Christianity needs to be in order for that religion to survive.
And I think ultimately it will.
I think it's happening.
Like the fire and brimstone that used to be, you know, that Bosch paintings of people just getting ripped apart.
And if you go to El Duomo in Florence, you look up at the ceiling and there's demons with these big, giant, big, giant wooden flaming staffs shoving them in people's asses.
And like another demon that's like shoving one in some girl's pussy.
And you're in this church, beautiful church.
And you're like, what the fuck is up here?
That is crazy!
joe rogan
Wait a minute, what is the name of this place again?
aubrey marcus
It's called El Duomo.
joe rogan
El Duomo.
aubrey marcus
El Duomo.
It's the center church in the middle of Florence.
joe rogan
Oh my gosh, I have to see this.
aubrey marcus
As we climb up to the top, it's fucking bananas.
joe rogan
I have to see this.
aubrey marcus
I mean, I've been there twice now.
unidentified
Do they have it online?
joe rogan
They must have the photos.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Sure.
joe rogan
So what is the story behind all that?
aubrey marcus
Well, I mean, at that point, they were pushing...
Well, it was for sodomy and adultery, and that was the crimes being punished, but they would be punished by these...
joe rogan
How do you spell El Duomo?
aubrey marcus
I think it might be I-L, since it's Italy, and then D-U-O-M-O. It's in Italy, those crazy Italians, those motherfuckers.
Just nutty, man.
joe rogan
Italians are so nuts, man.
I'm Italian, I grew up Italian, but it's because they're so savage that they're always riddled with guilt.
unidentified
They're just so fucking crazy.
joe rogan
They're the leftover Romans, man.
That's real shit.
Where's the photos of the dragons and the assholes and shit?
aubrey marcus
So it's going to be the interior of the dome.
joe rogan
Interior of the dome.
I need to see this.
It's a beautiful fucking building.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, man.
joe rogan
Holy shit.
aubrey marcus
It's stunning.
joe rogan
They made some dope-ass architecture.
aubrey marcus
They did.
They were on point.
joe rogan
Isn't that amazing?
Isn't that amazing that if you look at the Vatican and look at a lot of the shit that Da Vinci painted, like the Sistine Chapel and stuff, no one does anything like that these days.
aubrey marcus
Some of the sculptures, I looked at some of the work by this artist named Bernini.
And I sat this one, and it was a lady sitting on the pillows, the name...
Well, Bernini actually did the ones that were like Daphne and Apollo, and the rape of Persephone.
And just to look at how he was able to sculpt someone's fingers digging into someone's flesh, like Hades is digging into Persephone, he's into her side, like grabbing the side of it.
And you cannot believe that it's marble.
I mean, just the way that he makes it like fleshy.
And lifelike.
Canova did the same thing with this lady reclining on a pillow.
Just sculpting sheets out of marble that looked like you could fluff them in the breeze.
Yeah, what the fuck, man.
Really just incredibly talented.
joe rogan
And all this stuff just passed on through generation after generation of learning how to work with stone and carve.
Fuck, man.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, that'll never be duplicated.
unidentified
Yeah, it's like people are just way too lazy, man.
joe rogan
I'm not carving shit out of stone.
unidentified
No.
joe rogan
Fuck all that, man.
aubrey marcus
Finding the weaknesses in the marble and envisioning what could come out of it.
joe rogan
But we'll do some crazy shit like...
Walk through the Amazon.
We'll do some nutty shit like I'm going to be the first guy.
Like, douchebag, do you know you can take a boat and it's like a few hours you go all around?
aubrey marcus
Well, you know what's even crazier than walking through the Amazon?
Have you seen the documentary Big River Man?
The dude who swam the Amazon.
unidentified
What?
aubrey marcus
He swam the Amazon.
joe rogan
Oh, that guy's trying to die.
aubrey marcus
This one will be easy to bring out.
It's bigriverman.com.
That dude is nuts.
joe rogan
That dude's trying to die.
aubrey marcus
He does, pretty much.
It takes 65 days.
It's this documentary of this guy.
He started swimming because he had this alcoholic father.
His father would come home and try and beat him.
He's in Eastern Europe.
Try and beat him.
He figured out if he went in the river, his dad wouldn't follow him.
He'd just swim.
His dad would chase him along the riverside.
joe rogan
What?
aubrey marcus
And so eventually he learned to be this stamina endurance swimmer, but he got all fucked in the head.
And so he goes out and he swam all of the world's biggest rivers.
And so he goes out on the Amazon, and I just saw this, happened to catch this late night, and I was just amazed.
And he doesn't do it like a normal swimmer would, like take their protein and do it.
He's like getting them to throw bottles of wine in the water and whiskey.
He comes off, he drinks another two bottles of wine, and he's just big dude.
He's not even in shape.
He's kind of like chubby.
And he gets there, but then around day 40, he's drinking the water from the Amazon, so all the parasites are getting him.
He has an onboard doctor, and he's shocking himself with electroshock therapy to kill the parasites, and he's screaming with stuff in his head and batteries attached to him.
It's nutty, but then around the 40th day, the last you ever hear from him in the documentary, he goes...
I'm crossing into the fourth dimension now.
And he just fucking is gone at that point.
Just gone.
And then so he'll like wake up early in the morning and swim away from the boat and they won't know where he is.
They're like pointing their light out and trying to find him.
They see him naked on some riverbank looking at driftwood just Gone.
joe rogan
So is he gone because he was just fucked to begin with?
Or was it all the parasites?
aubrey marcus
I think it's the parasites and just not taking care of himself.
Exhaustion.
He's so sunburned he has to wear this mask.
He looks like Silence of the Lambs, this mask covering his face.
joe rogan
Holy shit.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, it's nutty.
Big River Man is the name of it.
Martin Strell, I believe is his name.
It's funny.
joe rogan
There's some nutty motherfuckers.
It is a broad spectrum of human beings, man.
It's broad.
When you think you've got people completely figured out, you'll find some new one online.
You'll see some new shit.
aubrey marcus
I guess when he was swimming the Yangtze, it was so dirty in some of the industrial areas that he had to have nightly blood transfusions from a nurse on the boat.
Just new blood in, old blood out.
What the fuck?
And he just fucking kept swimming.
The pictures of that swim are just insane.
He wants to swim all of the biggest rivers of the world.
joe rogan
What is it about people doing dangerous shit that they don't have to do?
It's one thing that if you get thrown into the Amazon, you have to figure out a way to swim to stay alive and make it to the shore and then get back to safety.
I survived in the woods.
I started a fire with rocks.
I know how to get back and I got back and I made it.
That's an excellent story.
But when you thrust yourself into that situation, that's not a game.
That's a river.
What is that?
aubrey marcus
It's not the survival instinct that has propagated the species.
It's the instinct to reproduce.
And doing dangerous shit has always gotten chicks.
Is that what it is?
joe rogan
How do you account for chicks that like getting hot air balloons and go across the world?
How about this chick who's rowing her way?
She's in a sailboat.
She's like 16. And she's sailing across the ocean.
What's that about?
Is she a lesbian?
She's trying to get some pussy?
aubrey marcus
I don't know.
I think that's some kind of tapping into some of the same instincts.
joe rogan
Dude, lesbians trying to pick up straight chicks is just as creepy as dudes trying to pick up straight chicks.
aubrey marcus
My girl certainly gets her fair share of...
joe rogan
I was at the mailbox...
And I'm about to send a package, and there's this lesbian lady, and she's like so obviously dykey, just big, and she's got a mullet, and it's like the whole deal, you know?
And she's got like one of those Eddie Bravo Falcon wristbands, it's like a leather strap on her wrist, and the girl in front of her is getting a package, you know?
And she drops something, she's like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm so disorganized.
And the lesbian goes, don't apologize for being human.
And I was like, ugh!
It was so gross.
I literally put my hand up to my mouth.
It was so sleazy.
Here's my card.
It was so low-rent, traveling vacuum salesman trying to fuck somebody's wife.
You know what I mean?
It was so sad.
Don't apologize for being human.
I was like, ugh!
Like, that must be what it sounds like, you know, when dudes try to do it, too.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
I'm sure it is.
unidentified
It is.
joe rogan
It's the same thing, right?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
When you hear a dude, like, with a sleazy, cheesy line, you know, and you're like, oh, you feel bad for that chick.
That could be your sister.
That could be your daughter.
She's got to listen to this moron.
You know, I could always just give it to you right here in my car.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, that's brutal.
unidentified
It's disgusting.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
Could be someone's kid.
unidentified
Yeah.
aubrey marcus
That perspective comes from having children.
joe rogan
Dude, that perspective jacks you.
When you have children, everything changes.
Porn becomes like a sad story.
You know?
Like, oh, poor girl getting mouthfucked.
Think about it.
That used to be somebody's baby.
Somebody's little girl.
Used to be a thumb.
Now it's some big, giant, black dick.
Glug, glug, glug.
She's getting gagged, slapped in the face with it.
I'm like, wow.
Can't enjoy it.
Not so fun.
aubrey marcus
Changed it.
Changed the game.
joe rogan
Have you been?
You've been.
Brian, have you ever been to a set of a porn?
brian redban
Where?
joe rogan
A set of a porn being filmed?
brian redban
Just like my bedroom and stuff like that.
joe rogan
Tell us, Brian.
Speaking of which, play your friend.
Your friend's clip.
brian redban
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
Not speaking of which.
This is not a romantic situation.
brian redban
Here's some porn I filmed.
No, this is actually from Sam Tripoli's Naughty Show.
This is a video that...
joe rogan
Tell everybody...
They don't have to see it.
It's funny enough as it is.
But if you want to see it, what is the YouTube address?
brian redban
Just type in Little Esther on the street.
joe rogan
Little Esther on the street.
This is Brian's friend.
She's 22?
brian redban
22, but she looks like she's 12. Yeah, 12 years old.
Seriously, she really looks like she's 12. And that's her whole thing.
She was on Jimmy Kimmel.
She played Jimmy Kimmel's sister on Jimmy Kimmel in one episode or something.
joe rogan
And what is her name?
brian redban
Esther.
joe rogan
Esther?
brian redban
Yeah.
They go by Lil' Esther.
She's hilarious.
She's like a new up-and-coming comic, I would say.
She does a lot of comedy store stuff.
joe rogan
And Esther, I'm sorry, what's her last name again?
brian redban
She goes by Little Esther.
joe rogan
Little Esther.
brian redban
Yeah, so you can find her.
joe rogan
So her name is a mystery?
brian redban
Well, if you go on Twitter, it's twitter.com backslash LIL underscore Ether.
I'll tweet it in a bit, but yeah, it's called Little Ether, and here's that.
joe rogan
How do you spell Esther?
unidentified
Hold on.
E-S-T-H-E-R. Oh, it's Esther, huh?
brian redban
Yeah.
joe rogan
I would have got that wrong.
But then I would have looked at it the right way and be like, that doesn't look right either.
E-S-T-E-R? They look stupid, too.
E-S-T-H-E-R. All right, whatever.
Let's hear this.
It's funny.
She's on the street.
She's a girl literally who looks like she's 12 years old, and she's just walking up to strangers.
brian redban
Yeah, and she's saying that this is for her health class, you know?
unidentified
Yeah.
brian redban
All right?
So here it goes.
unidentified
Little Esther, she's got questions.
She needs answers.
This should be interesting.
Um, so I'm just asking questions for my teen health project.
What does friends with benefits mean?
brian redban
Oh, it's loading up.
It was loaded up.
joe rogan
Oh, that's so gay, Brian.
I can't believe you did that.
brian redban
It was loaded up earlier, but you know, we went and did that song instead.
joe rogan
Anyway, blah, blah, blah.
unidentified
Are you playing it over again?
joe rogan
They already heard that part.
God damn it.
brian redban
Anyways, it's really funny.
joe rogan
Yeah, just go to it online.
brian redban
We'll play it in a bit.
We'll load up while we're waiting.
joe rogan
Let it load up.
Anyway, she's 12 and she looks...
unidentified
Or she's 22. And she looks like she's 12. It's a really funny video.
brian redban
From Sam Tripoli's Naughty Show.
joe rogan
And she asks dirty questions.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
You already know the joke.
brian redban
Right.
joe rogan
But it's good.
It's a good joke.
It's very similar to that man show boy concept.
brian redban
Kind of.
joe rogan
But way dirtier.
brian redban
The kid looks really young.
joe rogan
But way more wrong.
brian redban
Yeah.
joe rogan
Because it's a girl.
But at least she's really an adult as opposed to the man show boy who's like a real little kid.
brian redban
Was it?
I thought it wasn't.
joe rogan
No, no, no, no.
It was a kid.
He was like 15 or something.
He was a boy, right?
And he aged while the show was going on.
brian redban
I didn't know that.
joe rogan
That became the man show, you know, like teenager.
brian redban
You know, I always got that kid mixed up with Andy Milonakis or whatever his name is.
joe rogan
You know what?
I don't even know who Andy Milonakis is.
I know the name.
I've seen the name written in print and it's like a cultural pop icon name.
brian redban
Right.
joe rogan
You know, someone will say it and I don't know who it is.
I don't get it.
I've seen it a hundred times.
brian redban
He's pretty funny.
joe rogan
Is he a comic?
unidentified
Yeah.
brian redban
Well, he's like a video guy.
I don't even know.
joe rogan
Oh, like a YouTube guy?
brian redban
Yeah, like a YouTube guy, kind of, but he also has been in, like, stuff, you know, movies and stuff.
joe rogan
I hope people don't get offended when you say they don't know who they are.
There's just so many people.
There's too many people to know now.
brian redban
He's from MTV, I think.
joe rogan
There's too much shit going on, man.
I can't keep up with all those goddamn videos people are sending me.
I look at my Twitter, it's like if I wanted to just waste my entire life, not waste, but use up all my time, I would just go on my Twitter and watch all the videos that people send me.
All these fucked up crazy videos, over and over and over and over again, all day.
Check this out.
Oh my god, have you ever seen this?
How is this guy still alive?
Every day, animal attacks, car wrecks, motorcycle crash, animal attacks.
It's all fucking day, dude.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, so much content out there.
joe rogan
Fuck.
It's impossible to watch at all.
Our minds are being reprogrammed.
You sit in front of these fucking computers just inundated with crazy shit over and over again all day.
If you have time and your dick works, someone's going to send you something fucked up.
Right?
Because if you have time and you're young enough to be having fun in life, you're going to have some fun friends.
And if you have fun friends, they're going to see some fucked up shit.
And if they're going to see some fucked up shit, then I want you to see it too.
Right?
If it tweaks them, they're going to want to send it to you.
They're going to want to be the one that shocks you.
It's too much, man.
aubrey marcus
It is.
Every once in a while, just reading a book with actual pages.
Because I got the iPad thing, and I like that too.
But it's sometimes comforting just to go back.
joe rogan
Just to shut some stuff out.
aubrey marcus
I'm going to read this page of printed letters.
joe rogan
You've tried this recently, and this is a big thing that I do.
It's a sensory deprivation tank.
You just tried it for the first time, right?
aubrey marcus
Yep.
joe rogan
What did you think about that?
aubrey marcus
I think I sent this to you in an email, but I likened it to the first time I had sex.
I could tell it was something rad, and I knew I was going to dig it for the rest of my life, but I was terrible at it.
Just not quite good at it yet.
You have to really just relax your mind.
I was fidgeting with how comfortable I was, but then I also was super tired when I was in there.
It was a long week and I didn't have it available to me except for kind of late in the evening and I wanted to make sure I got in.
So I started to fall asleep but it was this crazy consciousness in the sleep.
Like I saw this window of where sleep was and I could visually see it.
I could see it with my eyes open.
And I could crawl in it and I was asleep.
And I could crawl out of it and not be asleep.
And I was fully in control of how it was going.
And that was pretty wild.
I mean, what you're able to do with your mind in that situation where you can't tell when your eyes are open and your eyes are closed and there's no feeling, no sensation on your body.
The amount of control I was able to exercise was amazing.
Didn't find any kind of great lucid information out of it, but the experience was wild.
I mean, I've never been able to see those layers.
Because usually you just pass out.
You don't know when you fell asleep.
All of a sudden you're awake.
You remember that.
Then all of a sudden you're asleep and you wake up the next morning.
But this, I was able to see the steps in between.
joe rogan
You never realize how quiet it is until the power goes out in your house.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know when the power goes out in the neighborhood and the power's out everywhere?
That...
You hear things go off, and there's that dead silence that you don't get any other way.
Well, the tank is that times a million.
The tank is that with your body.
It shuts everything off.
Everything.
It's one of the things that I always talk about.
I talk about it on this podcast all the time.
I talk about it in interviews all the time.
And the thing that I always say is that I'm...
I'm always shocked that people don't do this.
I'm always shocked that people don't know about this.
I'm shocked that there's not one of these on every corner.
That people aren't having these things put in their house.
They have jacuzzis put in their house.
Why don't you have an isolation tank?
Do you not want to be happy?
Do you not want to think?
Do you not want to relax?
aubrey marcus
Some people are running like hell from their own thoughts.
joe rogan
That's too dangerous.
Too much work, man.
That's too much work.
It's more work...
To run from your shit than it is to face your shit.
And there's no facing your shit like facing your shit in that tank.
You can't hide behind any bullshit when you're in there.
There's no distractions.
There's nothing.
You get right immediately to whatever is fucking with you.
Anything.
And then once you get good at that, then you become a Jedi.
You become an astral traveler.
You get in there, and you learn how to really let go.
aubrey marcus
You just lock in quick.
joe rogan
I lock in within 15 minutes.
I'm gone.
I settle in.
The thing is, you always got to get your body to relax.
There's so much tension that you're carrying around in you.
You don't realize how much tension you have until you're in a zero-gravity environment, and you realize you're holding yourself.
You're like pulling yourself in.
Like your back and muscles are pulled in.
Your arms are pulled in.
You don't even realize you're doing this.
You're like fighting the world all the time.
But when you get in there and then all that shit goes away, then about 15 minutes in, once the breathing stabilizes, it whoop!
And then I go.
Then I'm gone.
Then I'm off in the land of wild hallucinations and fucking vivid dreams and lucid dreaming and flying and communicating with entities and having things explained to you in gigantic three-dimensional numbers from an alien planet that are rotating around you in some big holoscope that's like a hologram that's shaped like the planet Earth.
I was watching the universe being explained to me in letters that were from another planet and That were spinning around.
That were three dimensional.
And it was all being orchestrated by these aliens.
And it made sense to me while I was watching it.
I was trying to figure out their code and their pattern.
So this is how the whole universe works.
It all works by this one thing.
Then everything goes into another thing.
And that goes deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper.
That's how crazy the tank is.
unidentified
Yep.
joe rogan
Why is that not everywhere?
aubrey marcus
Well, I mean, there's other ways to get there too.
joe rogan
Not there.
There ain't no other ways to get there unless you're doing drugs.
aubrey marcus
Exactly.
That's kind of where I was leading to.
joe rogan
But even those are better in the tank.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
You think you know what mushrooms feel like?
Mushrooms in the tank are a totally different animal, man.
There's no distractions.
That mushroom gets to talk right to you, you know?
The weed in the tank, the weed's talking right to you.
There's no, oh, my ass is on the couch and the light is hitting my eyes and the elbow touches the seat arm.
There's none of that.
There's no input.
aubrey marcus
There's so many powerful weapons at our disposal that people are so scared of.
I mean, it's just crazy.
I mean, the tank is one of them.
Obviously, a huge resource.
And it's easy.
It's just, you know, you can't complain about anything.
But then there's other, you know, shamans for years.
I think the best way I've heard it described is this rad book called The Cosmic Serpent by Jeremy Narby.
I've heard of that.
The shaman's goal is to lead you to the realm of the spirits and then allow you to defocalize.
He talks about it like a stereogram.
Remember those 3D images where you'd relax your eyes and the 3D would pop out?
unidentified
Yeah.
aubrey marcus
He's like, that's what you're doing when you're in that kind of shamanistic experience is you're defocalizing your body and then allowing communication to come through.
But his theories are pretty amazing.
I mean...
joe rogan
These conversations are, there's people right now that are listening, okay?
And there's two groups of people.
Obviously, there's more than two, but when it comes to this subject, there's people who've had psychedelic experiences and people who have no fucking idea what we're talking about.
Literally, you think we're talking about hippie fairy dust.
This is what it sounds like.
Wait a minute, what are you doing?
You're tuning in to...
What are you tuning in to?
You're tuning in to Santa Claus?
What's going on?
There's even intelligent scientists...
We'll have conversations.
And if you bring up any sort of psychedelic or any sort of psychedelic compound or altered states of consciousness, they just shut off on you.
They just immediately discredit everything you're saying.
Well, you're just talking about getting high.
aubrey marcus
They just put it in a nice little box.
joe rogan
And they toss it away.
But if they've done mushrooms, they'll go, oh yeah.
They'll look at you and go, yeah, it might be that.
I've talked to some serious, serious fucking scientists, man.
And guys who have PhDs and guys who work at universities, teaching schools, teaching physics courses and shit.
I've talked to them about psychedelics.
And I had some fascinating conversations where people who are way smarter than me, way more educated than me, way more experienced in the ways of the world, and they've had a bunch of psychedelic experiences, and they'll tell you, who knows what that is?
Who the fuck knows what that is?
That might be a billion different things.
aubrey marcus
This is a pretty cool theory by Jeremy Narby, and I'll give you the cliff notes here for discussion's sake.
But he went down to the ayahuasquero shamans down in the jungle and took the ayahuasca with them.
And he was just an anthropologist.
joe rogan
And for people who don't know, let's explain what ayahuasca is.
aubrey marcus
Ayahuasca is two different plants.
There's the actual dimethyltryptamine active plant that is part of a vine.
And then somehow, out of the 80,000 species in the Amazon, they figured out there's this other...
joe rogan
I think it's more than that.
aubrey marcus
Yeah, there's this other leaf that they needed to combine with it to actually make it work, an MAO inhibitor.
And so they combine this and they make it into a tea, and it's been part of the traditional religious ceremonies down there for thousands of years.
joe rogan
Yeah, see, what this DMT stuff is, is a chemical that...
It's the most potent psychedelic drug known to man, and it exists in a bunch of different plants, but you can't eat it.
Because when you eat it, it exists in so many different things.
I guess your body has some protection for it.
Because if you eat grass, grass has DMT in it.
Well, there's a thing that your stomach makes called monoamine oxidase, and that's MAO.
So these guys figured out how to mix an MAO inhibitor that kills the MAO in their system with this DMT so that they can take it orally.
And you talk to, when they interview the guys, and they ask them how they figure this shit out, thousands of years ago, by the way, they said the plants talk to them.
aubrey marcus
That's how they say about all the medicines that they get.
The plants talk to them.
So Jeremy, he took that and he was like, how could this be true?
He's like, you know, science discredits it, but they prove it time and time again.
They pick the shit that works.
And then modern pharma goes down there and is like, hey, what does this do?
And they know the answers.
So how do they know the answers?
The theory is that this all comes from your brain.
Your brain projects this stuff when you take dimethyltryptamine, but he has a different theory.
His theory goes that in all of these cultures, you see a lot of serpents when you're underneath these visions.
These serpents are often intertwined.
You can see this written in rock paintings in Aboriginal Australia and all over the place.
The vision of the serpent, he calls it the cosmic serpent, is everywhere.
And what he's saying is that's actually a vision of a person's DNA, of DNA in general, not just the person's, but the DNA of life.
And that you're actually, when you're in that level, you're communicating on a microbiological level with DNA, which connects everything.
It's kind of like the Navi avatar principle where...
Everything is connected by the universal language of DNA, and the defocalization of the ayahuasca allows you to communicate with the DNA so that the plants talk to you, that there's visions and wisdom from everything that comes.
And the synthesis he's able to get, I mean, there's actually DNA emits, and one of the ways you say they communicate is DNA emits actual light.
It emits photons.
DNA itself will do that.
It's too dim.
And it's too small when you isolate DNA by itself, but it'll emit a certain amount of photons.
So, you know, all of these theories that, you know, you're beings of light and whatever, and everything is light, all sounds like you said, like hippie stuff, whatever, but it's cross-culturally, people say this.
joe rogan
Well, when you do DMT, that's what you see, too.
You see beings that are made out of light.
aubrey marcus
Right.
Exactly.
And he's saying that's the DNA. The DNA is the substance of life.
It's an interconnected substance of life.
And that's basically the collective unconscious.
And that's how all different life forms...
joe rogan
Man, you're just on drugs, dude.
unidentified
Bro.
joe rogan
I see what you're doing, man.
You're just trying to fucking...
There's always the cynic that steps in.
Yeah, that's good.
This is what you've got.
You've got chemicals interacting with your brain and you go loopy for a few hours while your body tries to normalize the poison you've put in your system.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What you are, okay, is just another religion, man.
You're just believing some more wacky shit.
And all that ever tells me is that dude hasn't done DMT. That's all it tells me.
If you're talking shit about doing DMT, for sure you haven't done it.
Because once you do it, you go, oh, oh, whoa, whoa, really?
unidentified
Really?
aubrey marcus
Wow.
Changes the game.
joe rogan
And these guys have been doing it for thousands of years.
unidentified
And people go, what if they're so fucking smart, man?
joe rogan
How come they don't have TVs or cars?
They don't have paved roads?
Because if you were doing DMT all the time, you wouldn't give a fuck about TVs.
You're like, TV ain't shit compared to being able to communicate with the afterlife, you fuck.
aubrey marcus
You know what's funny?
joe rogan
I can fish.
I'll go get a fish.
It takes me an hour.
I cook.
I know I have food.
I'm done.
I'm going to do some more DMT, all right?
aubrey marcus
The ayahuascares, they call the ayahuasca the television of the forest.
That's what they call it.
That is where they go to see the crazy shit that's better than any television.
joe rogan
Here's an interesting point.
They brought some ayahuasca back from Brazil.
I believe this was in the 50s.
And when they first recognized it as a psychoactive substance, they were going to call it telepathine.
Yeah.
Because it allowed groupthink and allowed telepathy.
Like, they were going to patent it as telepathine.
But they didn't realize that one of the active compounds in it had already been identified, and that was harmine.
And because harmine had already been identified, because of the rules of scientific nomenclature, like the thing they were naming had already been named.
So they couldn't call it telepathine.
But that's what they were going to call it.
They were going to call it telepathine.
Like, whoa, that's the active ingredient.
Something that allows you to have telepathy.
These are like scientists are fucking writing this down.
That's nutty shit, man.
It sounds so woo-woo, Deepak Chopra, yoga beads bullshit.
It sounds so fucking dumb.
To me, it sounds dumb.
But I know it's real because I've done it.
That's how crazy DMT is and ayahuasca and mushrooms and all these things that people just automatically label as silly.
Automatic.
These are life-changing, reset-button-pressing motherfuckers.
And everybody's like, oh, what are you doing, mushrooms, man?
brian redban
But here's an honest question.
Do you talk about DMT every day?
Is there days that you don't talk about DMT? Sure.
unidentified
Not at all.
brian redban
Because it's so amazing that it's just flooding your mind.
joe rogan
You can't talk about anything every day, man.
But I think about it every day.
brian redban
You do think about it every day?
joe rogan
There's always a moment where I'm in the shower by myself...
And you go, oh yeah.
brian redban
So you don't think that's kind of crazy?
joe rogan
It's not crazy.
It's like if you were picked up by God and taken on a magical mystery tour for three hours in a spaceship above fucking Pluto, you would be remembering that shit all the time because it was the most extreme experience a human being could ever possibly have.
brian redban
I've felt that in drugs where I'm like, this is the most amazing thing in the whole entire world, but I don't think about it.
joe rogan
It's not like that.
It's not this was the most amazing thing in the world.
It's not like that at all.
It's that this is even possible is impossible.
That this exists is mind-blowing.
That this reality seems realer than the reality that I live in every day.
The fact that there's something that feels like it's communicating with you and it's giving you a message that you're connected to everything and that it's a gigantic illusion created by your biology to keep you alive and to make you sustain this other world that exists in your dream consciousness.
I mean, they communicate this shit to you.
And it makes sense.
And whatever it is, it sees right through you and communicates only with love and is showing you impossible to believe images and visuals.
And at the end of it, when it's all over, you're changed forever.
You can't go back.
aubrey marcus
You wouldn't want to, but you couldn't anyway.
joe rogan
But you've got to make sure that whatever you get out of that, you can still talk to people.
brian redban
That's what I was saying.
It's too much of anything.
aubrey marcus
You don't want to lose your grip.
joe rogan
Yeah, you don't want to get slippery.
You can get slippery.
You know, there's a guy that I know that's a tattoo artist that's done DMT like a hundred times.
And I have hung out with this dude, and he did Eddie's arm, you know, Eddie's sleeve.
I don't want to say his name, just in case he doesn't want people to know him.
Anyway, dude has got this fucking sniper stare.
He's got this look in his eyes, man.
Like, he's just been over there just a few too many times.
Like, he can't ever quite step back into the real world.
Like, every corner he turns around, there's fucking DMT elves staring at him from behind the counter.
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
He's just been there too many times, man.
He's had some very interesting...
He doesn't talk about it.
That's the weird thing.
I think when he does talk about it, but he doesn't go into depth like me, like I'm just yapping about it, because I haven't done it in years.
It's still fresh in my mind.
brian redban
Yeah, does it start off like I'm talking about it a lot, and then you start peeing your pants, and then you start...
joe rogan
You start seeing it.
When you talk about it, you start seeing it again.
You know, like little flashbacks will pop in your head of things that happened.
Not flashbacks like you can't see or you're hallucinating, but just like, oh yeah, okay, that happened.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
It makes you think about it again.
aubrey marcus
There was one experience that I had with a traditional shaman out in the desert here in the US. She took me out.
joe rogan
A girl shaman?
aubrey marcus
Yeah, a female shaman.
brian redban
That's hardcore.
joe rogan
Right.
unidentified
This is where the music starts.
aubrey marcus
But anyways, I fasted, did the proper traditional preparation, and I drank a substance.
I think it was some kind of mushroom and other traditional plant-based substance.
What I got from that has totally changed my life forever.
At that point, I was able to lift from my body.
Lift from it.
Look down and realize, oh wow, this is just a vessel.
It's useful.
It's wonderful.
It allows me to flow through this world, but it's not the be-all.
There's a separation.
There's a distinction between body and spirit.
From then, the fear of death evaporated for me.
It would just be a shame.
I certainly don't want to die.
I love life.
Life is fucking rad.
But the fear of it is gone.
joe rogan
It was just a hallucination, man.
You were on mushrooms.
You were hanging out with a hot shaman girl, trying to get some pussy.
You got a little carried up in the moment.
You went a little Barry Manilow.
brian redban
Jesus just put him on your shoulders, man.
joe rogan
He could have been Jesus.
You ever think of that?
Do you know the book of the sacred mushroom and the cross?
You ever heard that story?
aubrey marcus
I've heard a little bit about it.
joe rogan
John Marco Allegro, who was one of the head scholars of the Dead Sea Scrolls, he was in charge of deciphering it, spent 14 years working on the oldest version of the Bible by far, and what he decided after 14 years, he wrote a book about it, that the entire Christian religion was a gigantic misunderstanding, and what it was initially all about was psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals.
And he said, this is what the whole Christian religion was initially all about.
And he has this fucking book dedicated to it.
I don't know.
I can't follow it.
I don't understand ancient languages.
I have no knowledge of it.
But just the fact that this guy was this really well-respected scholar and he came to these conclusions.
unidentified
I mean, of course they were doing drugs.
joe rogan
The drugs were around.
Mushrooms have been around for thousands and thousands of years.
What?
We're the first ones to figure out you can eat it?
People back then ate everything they could, right?
They ate everything.
They had to try.
The reason why we know shit's poisonous is because dudes ate it and died.
And they said, alright, he ate that, he died.
Don't eat that.
You eat that.
You try eating that.
Because if there's a lot of this shit around, if this is edible, it's good.
It's good.
The apples are good.
Let's eat the apples.
I mean, that's how they figured out how to do things.
They ate everything, bro.
They ate it all.
They knew what was good and what was bad.
And if mushrooms were around, and they were, people were eating them.
And if people were eating them, they were seeing God.
And if they were seeing God, they didn't want anybody else in on the action.
So what did they do?
They hid all their fucking knowledge about these mushrooms and And these rituals, and they put it in stories.
And they put it in fables and parables.
And they just twisted it all up.
So it was just a little bit different.
Fascinating.
The forbidden fruit is a mushroom, man.
That's what it is.
I mean, there's an ancient fresco in France.
There's this ancient painting, rather.
And it's on this wall.
It's from fucking thousands of years ago.
And it's Adam and Eve with a mushroom tree.
There's Adam and Eve with mushroom caps all around them.
I mean, it is the fucking forbidden fruit.
aubrey marcus
And it's been squashed, because if you take that, that's a direct link, I feel, to God.
I'm both a spiritual person and kind of a deistic believer in the universal God force.
So you take away mushrooms, and then you insert people, and people get to absolve you of your sins.
It gives them power.
You build them giant structures.
They get to wield money, power.
And if you look at the history of the Catholic Church, women as well, especially in the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, I wonder how much of that is true because there's a lot of speculation about where they lost the way and what it was really all about.
joe rogan
I wonder how much they let the common people know about it even back then.
Maybe it was something that the elite found out about it and they tried to protect the information even from the common folk.
But there also might have been a question of climate change, too.
Terence McKenna had some ideas about that, and he thought that with global climate change, which is very cyclical, happens all the time, a lot of times the climate will be inhospitable for mushrooms.
It changes.
So instead of getting mushrooms all the time, now they can't get them anymore.
And so then the culture completely changes and becomes more of an alcohol-based culture.
It starts off, they start using preserved mushrooms in honey because we know they've been preserving things in honey for thousands and thousands of years.
And then you deal with fermentation because honey can become a psychoactive substance on its own.
It can become mead when it becomes fermented.
It becomes like an alcohol.
And so then they go into an alcohol culture, and then before you know it, the mushroom ideas are gone.
All the love and all your fellow man, that shit's out the window, and now everyone's just drunk and raping.
You know?
aubrey marcus
It's interesting.
joe rogan
It's fascinating shit, man.
aubrey marcus
It really is.
joe rogan
You always got to wonder, how did we get to be who we are now?
What was it like?
Could you imagine if you could go to 1400 BC and just go hang around England and see what the fuck was going on in France and see how people were living in Europe?
How trippy would that be, man?
aubrey marcus
That'd be crazy.
joe rogan
Woo!
That would be the strangest fucking thing.
To be able to go back in time, even just in an invisible, impenetrable capsule.
You could just stand there in an invisible phone booth in the middle of a town, and you get to watch.
And they can't walk through the phone booth.
It looks like a tree.
They can't touch it.
aubrey marcus
I've always been fascinated by that moment before battle, where you have an axe, or you choose between an axe, a morning star, and a sword.
And you're like, what am I going to use that's going to maybe make me survive?
How good is my armor?
Not as good as that dude's, but I'm a rocket anyways.
unidentified
Fuck!
aubrey marcus
And just feel that.
I mean, MMA gets an approximation of that.
And that's, I think, why people love it so much.
Because it's the closest we got.
But it pales in comparison to that.
To that moment.
You're with all of the people in your country.
And perhaps the horde that's coming is going to rape your girl.
Kill your children.
Put them into slavery.
joe rogan
Smash their head on rocks.
aubrey marcus
And you got it.
You just got to fucking hold the ground.
unidentified
Yeah.
aubrey marcus
You know, like, how is that?
You know, I mean, we don't even know what that's about.
joe rogan
We have no idea.
aubrey marcus
No.
joe rogan
And they did that forever.
aubrey marcus
Forever.
unidentified
Forever.
aubrey marcus
I mean, that was such a part of the human, you know, birthright.
joe rogan
But how much of that shit is still in our genes?
And how do you shut that shit off?
unidentified
All of it.
joe rogan
Yeah, right?
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
The human hardware is so retro.
brian redban
It still goes on, though.
Like, any war, you're doing the same thing.
Like, what kind of missiles does this guy have?
joe rogan
Of course it goes on.
aubrey marcus
The war is different now.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's totally different.
aubrey marcus
You know, it's so impersonal.
You know, with the guns.
brian redban
I've seen Call of Duty.
aubrey marcus
I mean, yeah, it's intense.
And our soldiers are certainly brave.
joe rogan
Brian just said, have you seen Call of Duty while two wars are going on overseas?
unidentified
Right, right.
brian redban
Well, that means, like...
joe rogan
Have you seen Call of Duty?
brian redban
That means it's all ground game.
The game is pretty much ground game.
joe rogan
Is that what's going on now?
brian redban
A lot of explosions and stuff like that.
That's still going on for sure.
joe rogan
That is going on.
You know what else is going on?
Drones.
Drones are allowed to go into places we're not even really at war with.
Like in Pakistan, we're not really supposed to be at war in Pakistan.
But we got spaceships that are working on remote control from Nevada.
They're remote controlling them from Nevada and jacking dudes in Pakistan from the air.
brian redban
They probably have iPhone apps for controlling.
Just tilt it, man.
unidentified
You can tilt it.
brian redban
Destroy that person by just hitting.
joe rogan
Well, dude, it's like that movie.
Do you remember that movie where the dude got really good at that video game and then the aliens came and recruited him?
unidentified
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
Remember that shit?
Remember that shit?
Star something?
aubrey marcus
Starfighter?
joe rogan
Starfighter?
unidentified
Was that it?
brian redban
Starfighter.
joe rogan
I just remember because his name was Rogan.
His name was Alex Rogan.
brian redban
Alex Rogan.
joe rogan
And, you know, dude, I mean, they're doing that with kids that get really good at video games, man.
Kids get real good at video games.
brian redban
The Army has video games.
joe rogan
You guys are awesome.
brian redban
The Army has video games.
aubrey marcus
High score!
And then people burst in your door.
joe rogan
Why wouldn't you, man?
aubrey marcus
Excuse me, son.
brian redban
Jeff, have you thought about this?
The Army has a video game that's tracked, so they can track the top guys.
I bet those top guys get knocks on the door once in a while.
Would you like a million dollars?
joe rogan
Could you imagine?
You weigh like 80 pounds, and you're in your underwear.
You're like, I don't like killing things for real.
I just like to play your game.
Can I go back to playing your game?
You're some poor little 13-year-old, like, five more years, you can join us.
You can play that game for a living.
What do you think, pal?
unidentified
What do you think?
joe rogan
Get you all the hookers you want.
Take some poor fucking kid who's just awesome at the Army game.
aubrey marcus
It's scary to remove that personal side to killing.
It's just a totally different paradigm.
joe rogan
We were talking before the show about these guys that have been caught in Afghanistan that are U.S. soldiers that have been killing civilians and taking home little trophies.
They've been playing like a game.
Just jacking people and killing people.
They get too used to killing people, man.
Too used to killing people and too used to being in a place where everyone resents you and they don't want you to be there.
I always...
For the longest time, I always would look at politicians and go, how much say do they really have?
How much say does a president really have in what the fuck is going on over there?
Or is he just a dude with a job, just like all of us?
Is it just all bullshit once you get in there?
And I used to look at Bush when Bush was in Iraq, and I used to say, is this motherfucker responsible for all these people dying?
Is he responsible for all this talk about weapons of mass destruction?
Or is he just some dude who's got to do this job?
And I remember when he was standing in front of those people and that dude took off his shoes and threw them at him.
Do you remember that shit?
aubrey marcus
I remember that.
joe rogan
And he ducked and then the dude threw it again and he ducked again and he had a little half smile on his face.
And I'm like, that guy's just a spokesman.
That's what I got out of that.
I looked at that and I'm like, that is just a dude with a very difficult job that's not all that bright and has some ideals and got stuck in this situation.
Yeah, he's got to say we're going to war, but there's a machine behind that motherfucker.
He's not running shit.
unidentified
Right.
joe rogan
I'm looking at him ducking those shoes, smiling.
I'm like, that guy doesn't have a care in the world.
He's not worrying about what happened in Iraq.
No, he's just an employee.
aubrey marcus
Perhaps it's not his responsibility, really.
joe rogan
Is it?
I don't know.
aubrey marcus
Who knows?
I think Alex Jones would have a theory on that.
joe rogan
That was my favorite part of the whole Bush administration was when that dude threw his shoes.
It was the first time I liked him.
The first time I liked Bush, I would get angry.
I'm like, this motherfucker's just making up words and all this bullshit.
Then I thought about it.
I'm like, that guy probably gets like four hours sleep a night.
What would I be saying if I was speaking to all these people?
I'd be making up words, too.
I'd be stumbling.
I would fuck my words up.
Everybody fucks up.
You know, Obama said something about there being 48 states.
I mean, he fucked up the states when he was running.
You know, people fuck things up all the time.
You're not thinking.
You're tired all the time.
You're on this campaign trail.
He's not running shit.
I learned.
brian redban
So you like Bush?
joe rogan
No.
I mean, he's probably alright.
He's probably not a bad guy.
Everybody's like, he's the demon.
He's the devil.
I bet they believe that you're really a president until they get in there.
I think once you get in there, they open up these doors and you get to see the gears of the universe run.
You get to see the gears of our whole system and the fucking, well, if we stop the war, we don't have the oil and society's going to fall apart and we're getting to a point of overpopulation.
That's why we need these feedback camps and we have to make sure that if something goes down, we have enough caskets.
Whoa.
aubrey marcus
Mm-hmm.
joe rogan
Now about you cutting taxes.
Oh, fuck all that.
Yeah, fuck all that.
Fuck all that.
Exactly.
We're going to need some money, dude.
We're going to need some money.
We've got some shit going on.
We've got to come up with an alternative fuel.
We have exactly two years worth of fuel left, and then people start eating people, okay?
What the fuck happens when you get in there, man?
aubrey marcus
Yeah, I was a big supporter.
I was a big Obama fan.
I thought, you know, maybe I don't...
I'm a Libertarian, so I'm not Republican or Democrat, but I thought, this dude is smart.
He can hoop.
He's got a good family, it looks like.
joe rogan
Right.
aubrey marcus
He'll get in there.
joe rogan
Yeah.
He can play a little basketball.
Hey, you say that?
I appreciate it.
I saw him play pool.
I go, this guy's got a little bit of a stroke.
A little bit of a stroke.
Obama can get out.
You leave four balls on the table, Obama might get out on you, man.
brian redban
I played Halo Reach with him.
joe rogan
He's a regular dude.
That's what I want.
I don't want some fucking child blood-sucking dragon like Dick Cheney in office.
Dick Cheney can't play pool.
He's too busy killing people.
You think Dick Cheney ever learned how to play basketball?
No, his heart explodes when he tries to tie his shoes.
The guy's had 150 heart attacks.
He ain't playing shit with you, and he's got no sense of humor.
I can recognize him and relate to him more than anyone that has ever been president before.
I was like, well, here's a guy who's only a few years older than me, and he seems like a normal dude.
Kanye West, he calls him a jackass.
I'm like, yeah...
Fuck yeah!
aubrey marcus
When he kisses his wife, it's like, oh yeah, he kissed his wife.
Probably like that bullshit.
Was it Quail that tried to do that?
Or was it Carrie?
I don't know who was one of them.
All of them.
joe rogan
Edwards is my favorite.
That fucking swarmy douchebag.
Busted!
You cunt.
You fucking fake cunt.
It's all of them, man.
It's impossible to be honest.
It's impossible to do it.
They won't let you get in.
You gotta be full of shit to get in.
I thought Obama was the first guy that wasn't full of shit.
I thought, well, he seems like I can take a chance with him.
aubrey marcus
I was backing him.
joe rogan
I don't think he can do anything.
I think you get in and it's just a fuck.
aubrey marcus
I think he's just stalemated.
joe rogan
Yeah.
You get in and it's just like, what the fuck?
Lobbyists and fucking Congress and this and that and layers and red tape and chaos and war and heroin.
Heroin.
Heroin.
Heroin coming in by the fucking boatload.
What's heroin doing?
It's just like the Afghanis need to make a profit.
In other words, support this war.
We were talking about that on the Alex Jones show.
We were talking about that before the show.
There was a Geraldo Rivera was in Afghanistan talking to this fucking soldier.
This guy who has a family who is supposed to be defending his country.
And meanwhile, where is he?
He's in the poppy fields.
Protecting the poppy fields for the Afghani farmers because in order for the Afghani farmers to support the fact that we're over in Afghanistan dropping bombs on your moms, we have to get this guy's approval and we have to allow them to keep producing their illegal crop of heroin.
So we have American soldiers that are guarding Afghanistan heroin so that we can go over there and blow shit up.
Whoa!
Goddamn!
What do you do if you're Obama?
What do you do?
What the fuck are you going to do?
How are you going to fix that?
aubrey marcus
It's tough, but I think they figured out that his approval ratings were dropping as the economy was tightening up, and so they're like, oh, fuck it.
Let's just push some more money out into the system.
Push the ball up, and then it's working.
joe rogan
If I thought that heroin was helping the economy, I'd say sell that heroin.
Who the fuck is buying heroin?
Retards.
brian redban
Why is oil still, at least in California and most states right now, still cheaper than it was five years ago?
joe rogan
You mean when Bush was leaving office and they had a fucking grab?
unidentified
That's what it was.
brian redban
It was an evil money grab.
Don't you think right now it should be ridiculously high, especially after that spill and stuff like that?
joe rogan
Well, did you just realize, or just hear rather, they underestimated Iraqis' oil reserve by 25%?
There's 25% more oil in Iraq than they thought there was.
Oh, shit!
aubrey marcus
Party on!
joe rogan
Oh, shit!
Gonna get that call that sign!
Fuck a V8! You know, listen, man.
Who the fuck knows?
brian redban
I think they just jacked up all the prices so they can pay for new plasmas on top of all the fucking oil.
Have you gone to, like, the gas station?
There's, like, nice plasma TVs and everything like that.
I'm like, where does this come from?
Oh yeah, five dollars a gallon last year, you know?
joe rogan
I wonder actually how that works.
I think actually how it works is, I mean, they're all in bed together, obviously.
But I believe it's the distributors that set the price.
And then these oil companies, like there's a place up the street, it's owned by these Hindus that I go to.
And they have like the OM on the door.
I'm like, this is the oddest place ever.
They sell weed pipes there.
They sell weed pipes and incense at the counter.
I'm like, this is the oddest place ever.
You guys sell petrochemicals.
You sell the real problem, the reason why we're in war, the reason why we pollute, and it's all coming out of this hole right here.
Meanwhile, you got the ohm at the door.
So I don't think it's them setting the price that are putting the plasmas.
I think it's the companies that sell it to them.
You know, it's all very complicated.
aubrey marcus
Free market speculation handles a lot of that.
I mean, when oil price was dropping, there was big deflationary pressures at the same time.
Gold prices were dropping.
Things were priced because nobody had any money.
The speculators weren't able to buy the gold.
They were pulling their assets back out into cash, etc.
But now things are a little bit looser, and these commodities have value.
They're more worried about inflation now because Obama's pushing, you know, just shoving money into the system.
joe rogan
Right.
aubrey marcus
So in an inflationary time, then these commodities have value.
So now we're seeing oil rising.
We're seeing gold pushing to $1,300.
joe rogan
But what was the big – there was one big jump where it went up to like $5 a gallon.
Right.
What was the cause of that?
aubrey marcus
I think at that point, it was a massive inflationary concern that there was just – Really?
That money was going to lose its value.
unidentified
Right.
joe rogan
And that caused the oil to go up in price?
aubrey marcus
Yeah.
joe rogan
When it goes up a barrel, does anybody know?
You don't know either, do you?
Brian has no idea.
Brian will tell you it's ninjas.
It's ninjas at the price in Japan on friendly dolphins.
aubrey marcus
There are certain supply and demand factors involved in the oil as well, specifically, but on a macro level, it's all about generally inflation and deflation.
joe rogan
It just seemed very suspicious to me that it was the end of the Bush administration, an administration that was clearly under the influence of big oil.
And then at the very end of the administration, everything just gets jacked up to the roof.
brian redban
It was to pay his tab, you know?
joe rogan
It was to redline.
They were going to redline as much money out of the system as they could until the new administration came into play.
How much control does the president or the administration really have on how that kind of stuff works?
Do they have any?
It's all got to be set up.
There's no way they're going to let some new dude come in every four years and just rerun shit.
Why would we do that?
The career guys at the very top of the heap, they've already...
We got this.
aubrey marcus
Well, OPEC supposedly sets how much available reserves there are and kind of does that.
But how much is it?
You know, all of that is some speculation.
Who knows how much they know and what they're doing.
But it's an interesting game with a lot of money at stake.
When you have that much money at stake, you could be fucking sure that people are trying to figure out a way to fuck it.
joe rogan
It's pretty amazing what it's done, though, because if it wasn't for oil, there would be no plastic, there'd be no computers, there'd be no nothing.
All the shit that we make today, everything.
brian redban
No fleshlights.
joe rogan
No fleshlights.
It's true.
Fleshlight is actually made out of oil.
This shit has to come out of the ground as oil before you can fuck it.
aubrey marcus
Mostly mineral oil, food-grade mineral oil.
brian redban
Sure it's not made out of heaven, Joe.
aubrey marcus
It's the primary component.
joe rogan
And food-grade mineral oil comes out of the ground, right?
Just like oil.
aubrey marcus
Where does mineral oil come from?
I think it actually might.
joe rogan
Does it come from minerals?
I should probably know that.
It doesn't come from fish.
Can you make a flashlight out of fish oil?
That would be nasty.
brian redban
That would be more realistic.
joe rogan
Dirty fucking yeasty flashlight.
Maybe some dudes just miss stinky pussy.
The only time they got laid is by sluts and just drunk pigs and didn't wash their snatch.
And that's what they just get me a hat on.
I gotta smell it a little.
aubrey marcus
There's a product that came out actually called Vulva.
And what they've done, they sell it for $40.
joe rogan
I'm gagging already.
aubrey marcus
They sell it for $40.
And it's like a little perfume vial that supposedly smells like pussy.
joe rogan
No, it doesn't.
aubrey marcus
Yes, it does.
So, obviously, being in the business, we ordered some.
And we passed it around to smell.
And it doesn't quite get there, but what it kind of smells like is like...
joe rogan
A cat box?
aubrey marcus
No, it's way closer than that.
It's like post-condom sweaty sex.
unidentified
Sweat and rubber and funk and dick cheese.
brian redban
Like this?
Like this?
joe rogan
Oh, why would anybody want to sell stinky pussy smell?
aubrey marcus
I don't know.
We used to scent ours with the nice vanilla scent, but now all fleshlights come on scent.
joe rogan
I always wonder how much of fart porn is just for show.
How much of dudes who are...
brian redban
Oh, I think it's definitely for show.
joe rogan
Girls who are farting in dudes' mouths and they're beating off and shit.
What is that?
Is that for show or is that just dudes who are really over the deep end?
What is that?
What is that?
aubrey marcus
You know, I think with all these fetishes...
joe rogan
Someone out there likes it, for sure.
At least one guy out there loves everything.
aubrey marcus
You know what I think it is?
I think all of these fetishes, whether they're feet or whether it's shit, I think someone's mommy was like, that's disgusting!
Don't you ever fart!
And they just hammer them with this repression.
And this repression gets all twisted up.
And then all of a sudden, all they want to do to get a boner is fart on somebody.
Because they've been told by their mother so many times, farting is disgusting.
Don't ever fart.
And I think it's the same with feet.
Like, hide your dirty feet.
Your dirty feet, they stink, blah, blah, blah.
And really kind of Victorian parents are doing that.
And all of a sudden, all they want to do is see someone getting jerked off by a girl's feet.
brian redban
So what's your fetish?
aubrey marcus
You know, I don't have one, really.
joe rogan
What's yours, Brian?
aubrey marcus
Hot girl.
I don't know.
My beautiful girlfriend, maybe.
joe rogan
What's yours, Brian?
Do you have a fetish?
brian redban
Oh, I have a lot of fetishes.
joe rogan
Really?
brian redban
Yeah, totally.
joe rogan
Like what?
brian redban
Definitely boobs bite out.
joe rogan
Well, that's not a fetish.
That's called being a dude.
brian redban
No.
joe rogan
Every guy's in his boobs.
aubrey marcus
I'm not really.
joe rogan
No?
You don't care about them at all?
aubrey marcus
No, I'm really a butt guy.
joe rogan
You're a butt guy?
Butt is definitely more important.
aubrey marcus
I appreciate what they do to the feminine form.
I can aesthetically value them, but as a sexual object, very low on the list.
joe rogan
Yeah, I agree.
Well, I don't say they're low on the list, but they do not compare it to the ass.
The ass is critical.
It's very important.
Because a girl can have a tremendous ass and really be like an A-cup, and she's hot as fuck.
It doesn't matter.
You look at that ass, you're like, God damn.
But a girl with big tits and a really flat ass is just like...
brian redban
If the butt had nipples, I would agree.
If an ass had nipples, I would agree.
Could you imagine, though, if an ass had nipples?
joe rogan
If an ass had nipples, you would agree that you don't want a flat one?
brian redban
No, I'm just saying for fetishes, if you combine boob and ass, that would be like the best.
joe rogan
You're trying to do a mashup?
brian redban
Yeah, I want to mashup that shit.
joe rogan
Doing a fetish mashup?
aubrey marcus
The remix?
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