July 20, 2010 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:09:20
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Zam, ladies and gentlemen, we are live, goddammit. | ||
| We are live with the man, Jason Mayhem Miller. | ||
| Yes, I am. | ||
| Of Strikeforce fame. | ||
| Of Bully Beatdown fame. | ||
| Of Bully Beatdown fame, for sure, man. | ||
| I can't go anywhere. | ||
| Well, of Strikeforce fame, too, man. | ||
| You fought for the fucking title. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| But, you know, like, Strikeforce is in the process of building. | ||
| Like, I can feel them, like, getting the ball rolling. | ||
| Before we even talk, we have to thank our sponsor. | ||
| We're sponsored by the Fleshlight. | ||
| I'll be taking all my... | ||
| That's the butthole version. | ||
| I think that's... | ||
| What other version is there, Joe? | ||
| There's a mouth version and a vajayjay version. | ||
| Now, do the mouths come in different races? | ||
| Dude, that's a fucking excellent point because I was saying, how come there's no black ones? | ||
| Because all the vaginas are pink. | ||
| If you go to the website, we've got to talk to them about that. | ||
| And the funny thing is the dude who hooked us up, the dude who started this whole deal, our friend Chris, seems like he's of mixed heritage, right? | ||
| Doesn't he? | ||
| He seems like he's got a bunch of things going on. | ||
| A little bit of black, a little bit of white. | ||
| Someone's had some... | ||
| Black something somewhere along the line. | ||
| Let's represent. | ||
| He's a spiritual traveler. | ||
| You can tell by just talking to that guy. | ||
| He's a cool dude. | ||
| I can't believe he doesn't have Indian dick. | ||
| We're going to have him on the podcast if he'll do it. | ||
| I like that guy a lot. | ||
| Wait, who actually makes the molds of... | ||
| Well, they make them out of girls' vaginas. | ||
| Like porno stars. | ||
| They literally mold their vagina. | ||
| Like the outsiders. | ||
| They stick a flashlight up in her and take a mold of it. | ||
| I guess they put something on it, and they make an impression of it. | ||
| Yeah, but not every one of those is an official vagina. | ||
| Or maybe there's just some fat chick who's got her vagina. | ||
| She's like some designer. | ||
| She went to art school for three years, and then she goes, puts the stuff on there. | ||
| Now everybody will get some of this. | ||
| My point about the flesh hat has always been it does not have to look like a vagina because I'm not looking at it. | ||
| I'm just shoving it on my dick. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I got a free fake vagina one time. | ||
| Right, but you stare at it while you're fucking it like, wow, that looks like a real vagina. | ||
| There's no way you're going to be turned on. | ||
| If it was a real vagina, okay, why is it by itself? | ||
| Where is its fucking body? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's creepy. | ||
| If you're just fucking a vagina like someone took an apple cord or some chick and just... | ||
| Pulled it off, and that's what you're banging? | ||
| We're talking personality-wise. | ||
| Most chicks that I've ever dated are pretty much just a vagina. | ||
| I just see that part only. | ||
| Oh, you've had some cool chicks. | ||
| Well, yeah, that's true, but I've gone through a rash of psychopaths. | ||
| Well, that's the lifestyle, though. | ||
| That's how you're living. | ||
| You're a fucking wild man, like professional. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there claiming wild men. | ||
| Jason Mayhem Miller is a real fucking wild man, right? | ||
| I can't help it. | ||
| Just shut the fuck up. | ||
| You're talking about a dude who, as long as I've known him, has been living in hotels. | ||
| He doesn't even... | ||
| He's just got a fucking house. | ||
| Now he has to because he's a goddamn TV star. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, I have to just because I feel like when you're... | ||
| I'm damn near 30. I better buy a house. | ||
| Well, you're a TV star now, man. | ||
| You're a legit TV star. | ||
| You're the host of Bully Fucking Beatdown. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's a giant show, man. | ||
| That is a popular fucking show. | ||
| That should turn into a cultural thing. | ||
| I'm just waiting to get made fun of. | ||
| I'm like, please, somebody Saturday Night Live, something, make fun of this. | ||
| It'll happen. | ||
| It'll happen. | ||
| It should. | ||
| I mean, look, they can do that to Anthony Bourdain. | ||
| They can do that to you. | ||
| Do you go to any MTV parties where you have to hang out with the Hills? | ||
|
unidentified
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Not really. | |
| Nah, yo, nah. | ||
| They don't let me around those guys. | ||
| And they separate me from Jersey Shore dudes. | ||
| I really think they're afraid. | ||
| They separate you, but you might smack them around. | ||
| Yeah, I might be like, ah, and then I'll just ruin my career because I'll be beating up Spencer Pratt. | ||
| This is the thing about Mayhem. | ||
| I've known Mayhem for a long time now, and Mayhem is one of the coolest guys I've ever met. | ||
| He's a down dude. | ||
| He's totally straight. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| There's no guessing where you're coming from with Mayhem. | ||
| But, that said, homie's got a switch. | ||
| And every now and then, he just decides to hit it. | ||
| Skybar. | ||
| Skybar. | ||
| This is exactly what I was talking about. | ||
| We got to talk about this. | ||
| We were at the Skybar. | ||
| This is classic mayhem. | ||
| And granted, this is years ago before he had matured. | ||
| You were very young back then. | ||
| No, you know what it was? | ||
| I got bored so easily. | ||
| Well, you get crazy. | ||
| You get hyped. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| That's what makes you a great fighter. | ||
| We're at the Sky Bar and we're just having a good fucking time. | ||
| We got a buzz on. | ||
| We're laughing and telling jokes. | ||
| It's like Mayhem and Brian is there and Ari is there. | ||
| No, it's just me and you and Mayhem. | ||
| I think there was one other guy. | ||
| Ari wasn't there? | ||
| Me and you hid around the corner and was like, oh my god, what the fuck happened? | ||
| I thought we had one other dude with us. | ||
| You sure? | ||
| Ari wasn't there? | ||
| No, no. | ||
|
unidentified
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It was me and you. | |
| Okay, anyway, bottom line is, okay, say it's all just us three. | ||
| So we're having a great time, laughing our asses off, and Mayhem gets hyped and decides to skydive on this bed filled with people drinking. | ||
| These people, they have these, like, the way sky bar is pretty dope. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wine. | |
| It's got this killer view, right? | ||
| It's at the Mondrian. | ||
| It's got this killer view, and they have these beds laying around. | ||
| And people just chill on these beds, and they lie down and drink. | ||
| Well, these people are just lying down, feet up, hard day at work, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| All girls, all girls, all girls. | ||
| Let me tell a story, okay? | ||
| You got the basics. | ||
| Rogan told his version. | ||
| Here's my version in my head, okay? | ||
| I'm standing there. | ||
| We already been to the Skyboard the day before. | ||
| I went with you the day before, and I had a blast. | ||
| It was like, girl, this time... | ||
| It was like some people there, but it wasn't popping off, right? | ||
| We were talking about having a good time, but it wasn't like the Hollywood party that you imagined, right? | ||
| And I'd never been to Hollywood. | ||
| That was like my first time, okay? | ||
| So I wanted the Hollywood party. | ||
| I was like, where's all the hot bitches? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| But you guys are used to it, so you were like, whatever. | ||
| Me, I was getting bored. | ||
| Like, I was like, man, where's the chicks? | ||
| Yesterday, I was talking to chicks. | ||
| And then I'm looking around, I'm like... | ||
| And then, as I'm looking around, there's a lull in our conversation. | ||
| And I look over, and there's a hot chick. | ||
| And she's looking at me from the bench. | ||
| Now, be it... | ||
| I was on the second level of this little area, and we're sitting there talking. | ||
| There's a lull in our conversation. | ||
| I look back at that chick. | ||
| She was smiling. | ||
| Something in my head said. | ||
| Jason, she wants you to jump on there. | ||
| Now, I have extensive experience jumping on a couch. | ||
| I had a little sister all growing up. | ||
| I could run and jump perfect and land perfect on the couch. | ||
| As I ran and jumped in midair, I went, damn, this is a bad idea. | ||
| Like, why did I do this? | ||
| But too late. | ||
| I could not take it back. | ||
| So I jumped and smashed into all these hot chicks, like model chicks, like a bunch of rich dudes wearing Rolexes. | ||
| One guy with spiky hair. | ||
| He had the faux hawk before people had faux hawks. | ||
| And I smashed it, knocked the drinks everywhere, and whatever. | ||
| And man, I popped up like Bruce Lee, like jumped back up like, whoa! | ||
| And I was like, that was stupid. | ||
| And I saw the bouncers running, and I just went, I know, I know, I'm sorry, I know, I know. | ||
| And then, so this is my first Hollywood thing, and I was hanging out with the famous Joe Rogan, and I was like, damn, Joe Rogan's gonna hate me, man. | ||
| Joe Rogan's gonna hate me. | ||
| My phone rang, and I saw Joe Rogan, and I was like, oh, God! | ||
| I answered the phone and he's like, you were laughing so hard that I was like, oh, cool, it's cool. | ||
| That was awesome! | ||
| You've got to know the difference between someone who's capable of doing crazy shit but is a cool dude and someone who's just fucking crazy and annoying. | ||
| There's a huge difference. | ||
| And you're just a dude who's a cool dude who will do some crazy shit. | ||
| But you get labeled in with the other group all the time. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Underestimated, in my opinion, you know, and it was really funny, as a fighter as well, the EA game, they put you at a really low skill level. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And it was a fucking hilarious video. | ||
| No, no, no, that's on the internet. | ||
| There's a hilarious video of him on the internet punking the EA guys. | ||
| He pretends that he's fucking pissed off because they put him at a low level of skill. | ||
|
unidentified
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No way. | |
| He looks so good. | ||
| Never saw that. | ||
| Dude, it's so good. | ||
| Find it on YouTube. | ||
| Google it. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Do you know the name of the video? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, just Mayhem, EA Sports. | ||
| Mayhem, Freak Out, or whatever. | ||
| Mayhem, Freak Out, something like that. | ||
| It's on the message board, too. | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| I don't know, half a million views or something. | ||
|
unidentified
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Super quick. | |
| I don't know, half a million views or something. | ||
|
unidentified
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Super quick. | |
| Here it is. | ||
| I don't know, half a million views or something. | ||
|
unidentified
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Here it is. | |
| Super quick. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Just talk us through this for the people. | ||
| A lot of people just listen to this on iTunes. | ||
| This is just the setup whole deal. | ||
| We went to EA Sports. | ||
|
unidentified
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We went to EA Sports and it was like a dope, like, cool. | |
| They had a ball hit in the middle of the joint. | ||
| Actually, this developer is in on this joke. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So people knew what you were doing. | ||
| So if you notice in this video, he gets fucking slapped around a little bit. | ||
| Here he goes. | ||
| Now he starts realizing. | ||
| He's realizing his character's a low skill level now. | ||
| Watch the acting. | ||
| Watch the acting. | ||
|
unidentified
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Watch the build-up. | |
| Tell him what's wrong. | ||
| It's not a big deal, it's a video game. | ||
| No, no, no, go back to my shit! | ||
| Yo, no, it's fucking bullshit, man! | ||
| No, man, you're fucking, that's what you think? | ||
| That's what you fucking think? | ||
| You're fucking laughing? | ||
| You think it's fucked? | ||
| Hey, motherfucker! | ||
|
unidentified
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- Hey, man! | |
| - Whoa, whoa, whoa! | ||
|
unidentified
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- What the fuck? | |
| - No! - I was calling that guy third street. | ||
| - Man, you the fuck told me to fucking do this shit. - I'm in my coach. | ||
| - Yo, you the fuck told me to do this? | ||
|
unidentified
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- No disrespect, no disrespect. | |
| I'm just with you. | ||
|
unidentified
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- Yeah! - There was one, okay, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. | |
| - There was this one dude who was talking who was really, he sounded really freaked out. | ||
| When you got violent and physical, he wasn't in on it. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Oh, my bad. | ||
| No, no, he wasn't in on it. | ||
| Because that was real. | ||
| The whole floor of people came to the door and everyone was acting like they were going to do something. | ||
| I'm like, whoa! | ||
| Listen to that guy's voice. | ||
| Can you rewind it to that one spot where that one guy wigs? | ||
| This guy, this is some primal shit, dude. | ||
| You gotta listen to his voice, the terror in his voice. | ||
|
unidentified
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What's wrong? | |
| Yo, who's in charge of this f***ing thing, man? | ||
|
unidentified
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Tell him what's wrong. | |
| It's a big deal, it's a video game. | ||
| Listen for the dude. | ||
| No, no, no, go back to my s***. | ||
| Yo, no, it's f***ing bullshit, man. | ||
| No, man, you're f***ing, that's what you think? | ||
|
unidentified
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That's what you f***ing think? | |
| You're f***ing laughing? | ||
| You think it's f***? | ||
| Hey, mother f***er. | ||
|
unidentified
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Hey, man. | |
| Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| That guy! | ||
|
unidentified
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That guy! | |
| That guy sounds like a dude who's getting attacked by a bear. | ||
| Scared, yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, I mean... | ||
| And I never think about it, you know? | ||
| And I have no, like, fear of physical altercation. | ||
| Yeah, talking to him like... | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, sorry. | |
| It was that bad? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I have no fear of physical altercation. | ||
| So, to me, like, I'm like... | ||
| Okay, whatever. | ||
| It's a dude. | ||
| And I don't really think about the consequences anyway. | ||
| I'm like, well, if I get beat up, I get beat up. | ||
| Did you think, well, the designer wasn't going to beat you up. | ||
| I mean, he wouldn't even attempt that because you're mad at him for that. | ||
| Like, yeah, you think my game sucks? | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| Like, what, did you think he was going to attack you? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, you had no dogs in that race. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| That was very funny, though. | ||
| That was very funny. | ||
| I'm glad you enjoyed my web video, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I enjoyed the shit out of it, Mayhem Miller. | ||
| I enjoyed the shit out of it. | ||
| Now, we can't have you on without talking about that Strikeforce brawl. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, yeah. | |
| That is the most ridiculous shit I have ever seen on television ever. | ||
| This is one of the problems, and we talked about it on the show right after it happened, with organizations that they don't have enough experience yet. | ||
| There's little things they haven't covered. | ||
| Little things like watching the doors. | ||
| You can't just let anybody in. | ||
| And the UFC knows that, so they have people watching the doors. | ||
| Oh yeah, it's like trying to get into the cage of the UFC, man. | ||
| Yeah, but there's just like a little hole missing in their game. | ||
| And the hole missing was, you gotta watch the door. | ||
| You can't just let anybody in the cage. | ||
| They just fucked up. | ||
| Well, you know, and I thought it was an appropriate time to get in the case. | ||
| Oh, yeah, this is smart. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, for sure. | ||
| What's the worst that could happen? | ||
| Well, the worst that happened. | ||
| Well, it wouldn't have been bad. | ||
| It wouldn't have been bad. | ||
| What happened was you came in and you, like, interrupted in the middle of a speech. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here's how that went. | ||
| He looked at you. | ||
| I saw what happened. | ||
| He looked at you, you guys made eye contact, and then you just went with it. | ||
| Yeah, well, because it was like awkward at that point, because I didn't mean to step into his frame, and then he looked back at me, and me and Shields kind of had made peace already, because we were both cutting weight at the same time, and we were in the same area, and we both were like, ugh, and we kind of looked at each other like, ugh. | ||
| Yeah, we're doing it again. | ||
| Like, what's up, dog? | ||
| Like that. | ||
| Like, we were like, all right, it's cool. | ||
| Yeah, you beat me in that last fight. | ||
| Give me another shot, and I'll, you know, I'll kick your ass next time. | ||
| You know, there's mutual respect. | ||
| I respect him. | ||
| He respects me. | ||
| And so we kind of made our peace, and at the weigh-in, we still were cool. | ||
| We're like, what up? | ||
| Then I won my fight and knocked the guy out, which this would make a lot more sense if on the video, I mean, on the CBS broadcast, they showed my fight, but they had five 25-minute fights and went over their time slot. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| They went way, way, way, way over their time slot. | ||
| They went over by like over an hour, right? | ||
| Wow, an hour? | ||
| That's his bad planning right there. | ||
| Again, you know, they're just new at the MMA game. | ||
| It's a new thing for them. | ||
| Anyway, so I go in there, and I didn't mean to step in the frame. | ||
| I stepped in the frame. | ||
| Oh, whoops. | ||
| And he noticed me at that same moment. | ||
| I was like, well, I gotta talk now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because he asked me, well, you want your rematch now? | ||
| Oh, he said that? | ||
| He said that off the mic. | ||
| And I went, Yeah, where's my rematch, buddy? | ||
| Whoops, because then I just proceeded to get stocked and dogpiled. | ||
| And the funniest part is, imagine if I just won a fight and my camp was in there, okay? | ||
| My crew. | ||
| If we jumped on somebody, they would be fucking hurt. | ||
| I got up like, ha ha ha! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| I didn't even get hurt on that! | ||
| How did I not even get hurt? | ||
| I was shocked. | ||
| I didn't even have a scratch on me. | ||
| During the little scrim, I shot a double leg on somebody because I was like, man, let me just take someone to the ground and then I can probably get my way out of this. | ||
| Because I was thinking at this moment. | ||
| When you fight, and my adrenaline had already been pumped up earlier that night, I wasn't even hyped when that was happening. | ||
| I was like, whoa, oh my god. | ||
| And I get on the bottom of a dog pile and I'm like, oh, I'm getting jumped on national television right now. | ||
| You got kicked in the head. | ||
| And I didn't feel that. | ||
| And then as I'm thinking in my head, man, I'm getting jumped on national television. | ||
| The freaking idiot Gus Johnson goes, gentlemen, this is national television. | ||
| I'm like, ha ha, no shit! | ||
| Yeah, what's up with that dude? | ||
| That dude is like... | ||
| He's the best commentator in the fucking... | ||
| Hey, you're entitled to your opinion, sir. | ||
| You're damn right. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Joe Rogan, got nothing. | ||
| Mike Chiavello, are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| That guy's Australian. | ||
| Gus Johnson, all day. | ||
| He sounds like a dude who's in a mold. | ||
| He just fits into a mold and starts talking like a sports guy. | ||
| I think mayhem just got me pregnant. | ||
| I wrote a preface for a book that's kind of like a college textbook. | ||
| It's a great book. | ||
| It's I can't remember. | ||
| About what? | ||
| Anyway, it's about the mentality of fighters, and he did case studies with all interviews. | ||
| Gus Johnson did this? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Not Gus Johnson. | ||
| What are you talking about, son? | ||
| How's that guy going to write? | ||
| A friend of mine, he wrote this book. | ||
| What's the book called? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wait a minute. | |
| Wait a minute. | ||
| It's coming to me. | ||
| It's too complicated. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| If it was just like fighting or fighting in art. | ||
| It's actually a good book. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Look it up, Red Band. | ||
| You know how to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
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I should write book in Google and what else? | |
| Mayhem Preface. | ||
| I'm sure it's on Amazon or something like that. | ||
| Mayhem Preface is on Amazon? | ||
| You never know, man. | ||
| Anyway, I wrote this thing. | ||
| I wrote this thing at the beginning, and I drew the parallel. | ||
| Maskator. | ||
| Oh, is my cat in there, man? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Hot Dog, come here. | ||
| We have technical difficulties with the wiener dog. | ||
| Come on, Hot Dog Dog. | ||
| Yeah, you got a... | ||
| My cat's in the room. | ||
| Everybody? | ||
| My cat's hiding in the closet, and the wiener dog found him. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| We got goddamn problems. | ||
| What kind of a fucking professional studio is this? | ||
| Yeah, but I had the... | ||
| Buddy, you can't go down there. | ||
| Come on, Gator. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for this disturbance. | ||
| No, but I, you know, it's got to be a pretty big coincidence if he just... | ||
| Sorry, guys. | ||
| You know, turn my level up. | ||
| I like to yell. | ||
| Like this? | ||
| Yo, yo. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| I'm on the Rogan Podcast, son. | ||
| This is how I hold it. | ||
| But, uh... | ||
| We are the whitest podcast on earth. | ||
| So anyway, for the people who haven't seen this, this is what happened. | ||
| What? | ||
| The fight is over. | ||
| There's a lot of people that... | ||
| Google number one for two days in a row. | ||
| There's people that listen to this podcast that don't know shit about MMA. Oh, my bad. | ||
| Most of the people that listen to this podcast, I would say probably 50% at least, are MMA fans. | ||
|
unidentified
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Like Fear Factor? | |
| I know. | ||
| I love it too. | ||
|
unidentified
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No, no, no. | |
| That's not what I'm saying. | ||
| Comedy fans. | ||
| They're more comedy fans. | ||
| I know. | ||
| People driving to work. | ||
| Just for the people who are not MMA fans, we just have to clean up. | ||
| Look, he's going there again. | ||
| Get her! | ||
| Get over here! | ||
| This is very distracting. | ||
| Anyway, sorry. | ||
| Why don't you guys talk for a second? | ||
| I'm going to shut this door. | ||
| Yeah, please. | ||
| Shut the door. | ||
| By the way, remember that couch story we were talking about at the Sky Bar? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| That was like my first month in L.A. Oh, really? | ||
| And it was like my first time at an L.A. bar. | ||
| And then I meet you. | ||
| And then when that happened, I just remember it turned into bullet time where I just see girls... | ||
| Like fucking glasses of wine going everywhere. | ||
| I like to call that Saving Private Ryan vision. | ||
| Like you're like looking around, everything is black and white in slow motion. | ||
| Yeah, and then I ran around the corner and me and Joe hid from you. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| No, man, I knew it was going down in mid-air. | ||
| In mid-air. | ||
| I'm like, damn, I'm an idiot, man. | ||
| I do stupid shit all the time, but this is really stupid. | ||
| And I was like, man, I finally have a famous friend in my entire life, and I tell him to fuck off that quick. | ||
| Did you see Inception? | ||
| Oh, not yet. | ||
| Everybody says it's awesome. | ||
| You see it, Joe? | ||
| Hold on, we gotta keep talking. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Before we change gears. | ||
| I like that they know you're ready. | ||
| I'm gonna go see it tonight, though, for sure. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| We're not done talking about Stratford. | ||
| No, I know, because you know why? | ||
| Partially because at Red Band tweeted, like... | ||
| Man, he was stroking himself while he was writing this review. | ||
| Like, 140 characters of... | ||
| Oh, Inception! | ||
| Oh, God! | ||
| Okay, but before we get... | ||
| That's so rude. | ||
| We gotta go back to this little Strikeforce thing before your dog tried to kill my cat. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| We had issues. | ||
| We got a fucking wild kingdom going on up in this bitch. | ||
| So, the Strikeforce thing. | ||
| So, for the people who haven't seen it, this is what happens. | ||
| One guy wins, and this guy who won, Jake Shields. | ||
| Mayhem and Jake Shields had fought in the past. | ||
| Very close decision. | ||
| As a matter of fact, at the end of the second round? | ||
| Was it the second or the third? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| At the end of the second or the third, he had him locked up in a rear naked choke. | ||
| Homeboy was going to sleep. | ||
| Yeah, and the only reason I didn't hold him after the bell was because my last fight, I illegally kicked Jacare in his head. | ||
| And I was like, ooh, I don't want to get the... | ||
| Everybody hates me because I'm a dirty ass fighter, you know? | ||
| So I didn't even hold on to it beyond the bell because I was like, I'll get him in the next round. | ||
| He would have went to sleep. | ||
| He was a couple seconds away from going to sleep. | ||
| It was dead locked on. | ||
| Anyway, so the point is, they had a big, very close fight. | ||
| It was exciting and Mayhem doesn't feel like he did his best, which no fighter ever does. | ||
| No. | ||
| So he wanted to have this rematch. | ||
| So when Jake Shields won in a big victory over Dan Henderson, Mayhem says, well, this is a good way to hype this fight up. | ||
| This would be a big-name fight. | ||
| You know, I'm Mayhem Miller from MTV and Bully Beatdown, and we're on fucking CBS right now. | ||
| You know, I'm a famous MMA guy. | ||
| You're a famous MMA guy. | ||
| You just had a huge victory. | ||
| Let's make some money. | ||
| Yeah, that's good. | ||
| Let's make some fucking money. | ||
| Hell yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. | ||
| That's exactly what I was thinking. | ||
| Let's get fucking... | ||
| Come on, let's get crazy. | ||
| Come on, let's hype this up. | ||
| You're going to get mad at me? | ||
| But... | ||
| The problem is everybody took it street. | ||
| Everybody went goofy. | ||
| Like, come on, man. | ||
| You guys have to have some sort of an understanding that there's a certain amount of shit you should be able to talk before you throw down because it's good for business. | ||
| It's good for business. | ||
| What's not good for business is punting people in the head when you're down. | ||
| I understand where you're coming from. | ||
| You want to back up your boy, but you can't do that on TV. You've got to realize that a lot of this disrespect and this shit-talking, it's not real. | ||
| Yeah, it's manufactured a little bit. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Like I said, me and him are in the damn locker room. | ||
| We suffer together. | ||
| There's reality. | ||
| The reality is you know it was a great fight. | ||
| The reality is you know you would like to get back in there. | ||
| And the reality is you know you think you can beat him. | ||
| You came close to tapping him. | ||
| So there's a lot of real hype to it, but there's always respect. | ||
| Like, all the bullshit and the shit-talking and everything like that, what people have to understand is that makes you money. | ||
| That sells the fucking fights. | ||
| That's a big, big thing. | ||
| Like, Rashad and Rampage, man, if neither one of those guys said a word to each other, there wouldn't have been half the emotion. | ||
| It's two black guys fighting. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| But I'm just saying, they hyped it up. | ||
| Yes, they made money. | ||
| And there are some realistic... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's some reality to it, but they kept this shit together. | ||
| They got so close on that Ultimate Fighter show, man, when they got in each other's face and they were touching noses. | ||
| You want me to tell a story? | ||
| In Australia, I'm friends with both guys. | ||
| I'm friends with both those dudes. | ||
| As am I. Because they're cool guys. | ||
| They're both great guys. | ||
| And I grew up with Rampage, basically. | ||
| When I moved to California in my damn van, I, like... | ||
| I lived in the parking lot down the street from his house and would drive to go pick him up to take him to another gym to train every day. | ||
| We hung out every day in which one conversation that he remembers, I went, man, you should be Mr. T on the A-team. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then he started spitting that, I pity the fool! | ||
| Like that, and I was like, oh my... | ||
| See? | ||
| I told you. | ||
| And then magic mayhem five, eight years later. | ||
| Dude, that's like some law of attraction type shit, son. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Anyway, maybe I'm just magic. | ||
| Joe Rogan. | ||
| Maybe he's just black. | ||
| You might be magic, dude. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Mayhem just blessed me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think I got some magic peachy dust on me and shit. | |
| Anyway, so we're in Australia and those guys are both out there. | ||
| And I'm kind of kicking it with both of them going around to Australia's nightlife. | ||
| But I'm kind of hanging out more with Rampage. | ||
| I've known him for way longer and whatever. | ||
| And I haven't seen him. | ||
| We were catching up. | ||
| And anyway, suddenly I'm in the nightclub with some hot chicks. | ||
| I'm looking around like, wow, hot chicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| This is what life's supposed to be, right? | ||
| And security starts running past me. | ||
| And I'm like, Where's Rampage? | ||
| And I looked over at where Rashad was sitting. | ||
| Where's Rashad? | ||
| And I was like, dude, they're not here. | ||
| And those guys are running. | ||
| I run down to this little tiny hallway where the bathroom was. | ||
| And who's standing there face-to-face in this hallway that I can barely fit down? | ||
| They are face-to-face in this thing. | ||
| Just black guy talking like... | ||
| This is a motherfucker. | ||
| All I can hear is motherfuckers. | ||
| Treat me like a bitch. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| I was like, oh, and dude, the security is like locked. | ||
| They know who these guys are. | ||
| They know what can go down right now. | ||
| They're just like, ah, ah, fuck. | ||
| Could you imagine being in security at a fucking club in Australia? | ||
| Especially in Sydney. | ||
| Sydney, people are cool as fuck. | ||
| You know, like, yeah, people are nice here. | ||
| How hard is it to be a bouncer? | ||
| You know, no big deal. | ||
| And then one day, two fucking cage fighters come in. | ||
| Savage cage fighters. | ||
| And one of the biggest rivalries in the history of the UFC. And these two guys are in each other's face in your bar. | ||
| And you gotta do something. | ||
| But yo, da-da-da-da, to the rescue. | ||
| I sprinted down in there, got in between them, and explained to them, in the language that I'm accustomed to, black guy. | ||
| Because I talk black guy, for sure. | ||
| Talk black guy? | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Will you give us an exact interpretation of what you said? | ||
| What do you mean, my normal black guy is just black guy? | ||
| My formative years were spent with all black guys. | ||
| From 12, well, I moved to a less black neighborhood when I was 12. And whatever, I still hung out with black kids because I was already used to that. | ||
| I was just like... | ||
| You know, that was just my normal guy. | ||
| What's it feel like? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Hey, get out of here. | ||
| So anyway, I get in these guys' face and I'm like, hey man, let's do this on TV, huh? | ||
| Why are you guys going to waste it right here? | ||
| Because of the international incident. | ||
| They kind of like broke off and kind of like laughed at the fact that I'm screaming about an international incident. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And... | ||
| Disaster averted. | ||
| But, like, they were serious. | ||
| Yeah, they were. | ||
| Like, I was like, you guys are really, because a couple drinks, these guys get fired up. | ||
| Well, the psychological advantage of not getting the other guy, you know, not backing down at all is so important to those guys, and they understand that. | ||
| I mean, it seems stupid, and I think it is kind of dumb, you know, but... | ||
| I understand it, 100%. | ||
| Look, when people get heated into each other's faces, especially with two guys that are about to fight, these little tiny battles are real. | ||
| These little tiny psychological battles, like who gets to tell who to go fuck themselves last? | ||
| Who gets to say the last word? | ||
| It's like, fuck, man. | ||
| We might be here all day. | ||
| I'm not going anywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you. | |
| I don't get in that world, man. | ||
| I'm so not... | ||
| Why would you want to get yourself into that? | ||
| Well, it's true. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| But if you're a cage fighter, it's a different situation because psychological warfare, it's very important. | ||
| It's very important your mindset as opposed to where their mindset is when the fight starts. | ||
| You can fuck someone's head up in the pre-fight. | ||
| But there's a lot of fighters that are also believing just like, I love you no matter what, right? | ||
| That's all nice and good, but everybody's got their own style. | ||
| You can't hate on someone's shit-talking style because it really works, man. | ||
| There's some shit, man. | ||
| When you get inside someone's head and get them emotional and all riled up and start talking shit about their girlfriend... | ||
| Talking shit about their kids, talking shit about their life. | ||
| You start fucking... | ||
| And look, some people can take it. | ||
| Some people you talk shit on them and they think it's funny and it doesn't hurt them. | ||
| But some guys go crazy. | ||
| Look at fucking Frank Mir when Brock Lesnar got in Frank Mir's face. | ||
| After he beat the fuck out of him. | ||
| After he beat his fucking face into the ground to smash them. | ||
| Then he gets in his face. | ||
| Talk some fucking shit down! | ||
| Ha ha! | ||
| You used that for motivation, didn't you? | ||
| That was real, man. | ||
| That was a real anger. | ||
| That guy got fucking furious because of that. | ||
| It backfired on him, but it works on other guys, man. | ||
| What are you talking about, backfired? | ||
| Well, I mean... | ||
| You think that people got sad? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no, no, no. | |
| I mean, as far as his performance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brock's sad! | |
| As far as his performance, all the shit-talking that Frank Mir did backfired. | ||
| Well, I just think that that shit-talking had nothing to do with it. | ||
| Brock was going to beat him. | ||
| He's just bigger and stronger. | ||
| He is bigger, stronger. | ||
| I agree, but what I'm saying is it didn't do any good. | ||
| It actually got him more of a beating. | ||
| Well, you know, he tried. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, and he got really, he got, there was some real violence and anger behind it. | ||
| I'd rather the guy beat the shit out of me than fucking let me off easy, you know? | ||
| I want to, if I lost, I want to lose. | ||
| I don't want to like, oh, you hugged me into the damn mat. | ||
| I want to like. | ||
| Yeah, did you see the IFC, the Josh Barnett, Geronimo Dos Santos fight? | ||
| No, no, no, I didn't see it yet. | ||
| Big stoppage, man. | ||
| I mean, Josh Barnett was crushing him. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| I mean, it's definitely just. | ||
| But I was thinking, like, wow, I don't know. | ||
| I think Brock Lesnar took more shots than this guy. | ||
| And the guy got up, and he was really pissed, and he protested. | ||
| He was like, what the fuck? | ||
| And granted, Barnett was killing him. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| Barnett looked awesome. | ||
| I mean, Barnett's fucking solid. | ||
| Barnett's solid as fuck. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| I love the officiating in the Lesnar fight. | ||
| Lesnar-Carwin. | ||
| Let him go, right? | ||
| He didn't know I'm a super-Carwin fan. | ||
| I love- Yeah, I am as well. | ||
| He's the best guy. | ||
| Look, I'm a fan of anybody who can win, and Brock Lesnar showed his character in coming back for that second round, but he took a lot of shots where I was looking at Big John, who I think is the best of the business. | ||
| I think Big John and Herb Dean are the very best. | ||
| But Big John stopped that fight in Australia, and I was like, I wonder who would have stopped the Lesnar fight. | ||
| People would have stopped it. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Josh Rosenthal is the shit. | ||
| That guy is one of the best. | ||
| Rosenthal. | ||
| He's the guy. | ||
| Rosenthal is the shit. | ||
| He's a real fan. | ||
| He trains. | ||
| He's a brown belt in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| What about Herb Dean? | ||
| Herb Dean is the shit. | ||
| He's my favorite. | ||
| Herb Dean is stellar. | ||
| Outstanding. | ||
| Coolest motherfucker on the planet, too. | ||
| Both guys are. | ||
| But I don't think either one of those guys would have stopped it. | ||
| Maybe Herb. | ||
| Herb might have stopped it. | ||
| No, I don't think he would have. | ||
| But somebody might have. | ||
| No one from the Matrix is going to stop that. | ||
| Eva Levine's a great referee, but he might have stopped it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's a few... | ||
| I mean, all I'm trying to get at is that on moments like that, you realize how important a referee really is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, here's the thing is, I don't... | ||
| You know, I don't think it should have been stopped because he was taking a beating for sure, but if you look at the athlete's face, you have to, like, Pay attention to their facial expression. | ||
| If they don't look like they want out of there, why stop it? | ||
| I never once can remember. | ||
| I remember getting my ass kicked a couple times. | ||
| Getting kicked and I remember thinking, don't stop this fight. | ||
| Don't stop it. | ||
| I'm still here. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| I'm still here. | ||
| That's an extra thing to think about, right? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| But I just know in my head, don't stop the fight. | ||
| Because I can tell in a couple fights I've been in... | ||
| Where I'm like getting my ass whooped. | ||
| I can tell. | ||
| I'm like, whoa, I'm getting my ass kicked right now. | ||
| I got to hurry up and get out of this situation. | ||
| But at the same time, I'm thinking, please don't stop the fight because I'm still here. | ||
| Have you talked to the Diaz brothers or Gilbert Melendez or anybody that was involved in the Strikeforce brawl? | ||
| Yeah, I talked to Melendez. | ||
| And he's cool. | ||
| Me and Melendez have been cool and buddies. | ||
| And I was actually kind of friends with Nate Diaz despite me and Nick never getting along. | ||
| Do you think you guys can all squash, oh, you don't get along with Nick? | ||
| Man, fuck Nick Diaz. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Strong words. | ||
| Yeah, I said it. | ||
| Anyway... | ||
| What is your problem with Nick Diaz? | ||
| No, because, you know what? | ||
| I feel like he was a driving factor in that whole thing. | ||
| He's the first guy to throw a punch. | ||
| He started that whole thing. | ||
| And it... | ||
| It's almost not his fault because he's retarded. | ||
| But at the same time, he embodies this cultural shift that we had. | ||
| And it really started with Dr. Dre selling us N.W.A. and selling us this culture of gangster is cool. | ||
| Yeah, gangster is cool in a way to watch a movie. | ||
| But being gangster is just being a little kid. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And starting a big brawl because, what, I talked some shit to your homie? | ||
| That is just ghetto. | ||
| And that thing embodies what's wrong with America right now. | ||
| People don't take it... | ||
| Like, when they asked them about it, I came out and apologized right after that whole thing went down. | ||
| Because I was wrong. | ||
| I stepped in the cage. | ||
| But no one stopped me. | ||
| I figured, ah, they won't mind. | ||
| It'll be cool. | ||
| It'll be a cool way to hype their whole thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, what are you doing? | |
| And then... | ||
| What are you doing to the sound, man? | ||
| You're freaking us out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| Anyway, so, you know, I got in there. | ||
| They jump on me. | ||
| That's not the proper response. | ||
| Like, you know, you don't act like a damn savage. | ||
| Brian, come on, man. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I can't remember what I was saying. | ||
| You interrupt this pattern of thought. | ||
| Yeah, so, I mean, you had talked to Nick in the past, though. | ||
| Yeah, you know what the problem was is that Nick, well, after one fight, I did fuck him up pretty good. | ||
| Because after one of his fights, I was doing the post-fight interview. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm Jason Mayhem Miller with Nick Diaz. | |
| That's usually what I did. | ||
| I didn't know set up. | ||
| It was like a silly interview. | ||
| It was just a joke. | ||
| He didn't get the joke, though. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| I was just fucking with him. | ||
| He's like a serious dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, he's like... | ||
| I ain't nobody's bitch, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Is that surprising? | ||
| Look, I like Nick Diaz a lot. | ||
| I'm a big fan of him as a fighter. | ||
| I've always been cool with him as a person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, me too. | |
| I thought he was great. | ||
| Listen, I love him. | ||
| What is it about him, that whole no fun, no fun in games? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a weird way to live, right? | ||
| Yeah, because he just is... | ||
| I don't know, he's just angry with himself, so he just takes on everyone else. | ||
| But it's rare that someone is so disciplined. | ||
| Like, as disciplined as he is... | ||
| I mean, Nick Diaz is in tremendous shape. | ||
| Just running, and his cardio is outstanding. | ||
| He's a super cardio guy. | ||
| He works really hard, obviously. | ||
| He's so good now, too, man. | ||
| His last few fights, man, the fucking Scott Smith fight, I was really impressed. | ||
| Frank Shamrock, I was like, God damn! | ||
| He's fucking putting it together. | ||
| He's putting it on people. | ||
| I like to whoop his ass. | ||
| But as, like, that whole, like, always angry and always fighting, it's, you know, it's unfortunate. | ||
| It's an unfortunate way of looking at things. | ||
| You know, that's just the mentality of some people, and I think that, you know... | ||
| But it's weird you see that in someone who's so good at that, you know? | ||
| Well, I mean, what do you mean? | ||
| You just go to the gym every day and work hard. | ||
| Yeah, but to be smart. | ||
| There's a certain amount of power over your mind and over your will. | ||
| There's a certain amount. | ||
| You have to have a will, man. | ||
| Yeah, whatever, dude. | ||
| You have to have a will and discipline to get that good. | ||
| I got uncles who are dumb as shit who would just go to their construction job and work hard as hell every day. | ||
| It doesn't take that hard. | ||
| No, listen, Nick Diaz might not be, like, you might not think he's the socially most inept guy in the world, but physically, that guy's very intelligent. | ||
| Look how good his jiu-jitsu is. | ||
| Look how good he fights. | ||
| That takes intelligence. | ||
| It's just, if he's not, you know, focusing in other areas, you know, of his life, it doesn't mean that he's not intelligent. | ||
| There's no doubt that guy, when you're that good, you're super intelligent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just, I mean, I understand where it all comes from. | ||
| I mean, it's a programming that you get when you're really young and you think that that's the way to behave and act. | ||
| But I think you've got a real good point. | ||
| You've got a real good point about that culture. | ||
| I like to have fun and I act wild. | ||
| I do crazy stuff. | ||
| But you are always cool to people. | ||
| I've never seen you picking fights with somebody for no reason. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| What's the point? | ||
| I've never seen you start arguments for no reason. | ||
| You've always been cool to people. | ||
| I've never seen you bully people or fuck with anybody, which is really funny that you wound up getting this anti-bully show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Listen, the same job that I'm doing now, man, I did the same thing all growing up. | ||
| It's so funny that I got... | ||
| Because I played this role my entire life. | ||
| Because every time there's a big kid picking on a little kid, I can remember like three incidents in particular. | ||
| So you're an anti-boey. | ||
| Yeah, I would be like... | ||
| Because I like to fight. | ||
| I always liked to fight since I was three years old. | ||
| Like, I just like... | ||
| And then my dad was in the army and boxed and stuff. | ||
| And he like... | ||
| So you weren't afraid of it. | ||
| You wanted to get in there and do it. | ||
| Yeah, I wasn't scared. | ||
| You're talking shit and bullying somebody? | ||
| Yeah, some guy was bullying another little kid. | ||
| I remember walking, seeing it going down, and he was pushing the little kid around. | ||
| And I was like, I remember, I like, I don't know, I guess I was like nine or eight. | ||
| I walked over there and got in between them. | ||
| And then I beat this kid up. | ||
| Did you start bullying bullies? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, absolutely. | ||
| Maybe you were bullying. | ||
| Bullying bullies, though, is a very common practice. | ||
| A lot of righteous people do that. | ||
| I bullied a bully today using bluetorture.com, my bully in high school. | ||
| He used to always fuck with me. | ||
| So what? | ||
| 15 years later, I made a website where I used to take Listerine strips and put them in animals' mouths. | ||
| But I would Photoshop them have blue lips and stuff like that. | ||
| And PETA or whatever got so pissed off that they're like, we're going to go to this person's house and protest them. | ||
| So I found my bully's address and made this big flyer. | ||
| They're like, got five new puppies. | ||
| Going to give them 200 Listerine strips live on the internet. | ||
| Dude, stop right now. | ||
| Stop right now. | ||
| Don't be admitting this on the internet. | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| Stop what you're talking about. | ||
| No, it's fine. | ||
| I've already admitted it many times on the internet. | ||
| Well, not on this fucking podcast. | ||
| Nobody else listened to it. | ||
| Sorry, PETA. Sorry, PETA. Didn't mean to do it. | ||
| I'm not talking about that. | ||
| I'm talking about the guy. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| The guy. | ||
| Oh, it doesn't matter. | ||
| I got the wrong address. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, whichever address you got. | ||
| You sent Psycho PETA people to some random person's house? | ||
| No. | ||
| Even worse. | ||
| Dude, let's stop talking. | ||
| Let's stop talking about this. | ||
| Jesus Christ, legality. | ||
| While we're on that subject, tell me, Mayhem, the story of your assistant that did you wrong and justice. | ||
| Which I think is 100 times worse than what I am. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| No, it's not because, dude, you gave away where someone lives. | ||
| That's where someone lives. | ||
| That's where someone sleeps. | ||
| This is just a phone number. | ||
| A phone number is not nearly as bad as the place where you sleep. | ||
| The rest of the story was what was weird about it is that he was arrested the same week that this happened for torture to an animal. | ||
| He left his dog in his house for weeks at a time while he was out doing other bad stuff. | ||
| It just happened at the same week which made it a million times better. | ||
| He was out doing other bad stuff? | ||
| The way he speaks Well, I'm trying not to get the guy in trouble or pointed at him. | ||
| Alright, well, we can move on to the subject. | ||
| Revenge was served, so you don't have to worry. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| So now we can all sleep knowing that you won't be legally prostituted. | ||
| No, it was weird because actually he was abusing animals the whole time. | ||
| It is funny when someone tries to do a scam and gets busted. | ||
| You know, an interesting story is the guy who... | ||
| You know, people always ask, hey, can we take a picture where you get me in a choke or I'll get you in a choke? | ||
| And I say, we can't. | ||
| Because the UFC specifically tells us we can't because two guys were sued. | ||
| Chuck was sued and Matt Hughes were sued for taking pictures with dudes. | ||
| Yeah, but then why did Jim Norton just get choked out the other day on Opium? | ||
| It was a video. | ||
| A video is totally different. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Listen, a video is very obvious what's happening. | ||
| And by the way, it's Jim Norton. | ||
| Jim Norton's not going to sue Randy Couture. | ||
| These are just random fans that thought they could make some money. | ||
| And they pretended that Chuck hurt him and they pretended that Matt Hughes hurt him. | ||
| Well, the guy who they pretended Matt Hughes hurt him, apparently they investigated this because there was all these people that said, like, come on, man, this is bullshit. | ||
| Matt's a nice guy. | ||
| He was taking a picture with you. | ||
| You asked him to do it. | ||
| This guy turned out he was a dirty cop. | ||
| And they started investigating him and found out some shit and now he's in jail. | ||
| Now he's doing a long stretch. | ||
| He's doing like 10 years or something. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because Matt Hughes is a Christian and Jesus did it. | ||
| Jesus fucked that dude in the ass. | ||
| That's what happened right there. | ||
| That's the worst thing ever said on a podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could it be the worst thing to get raped by? | |
| Imagine getting raped by Jesus. | ||
| Chivo the Destroyer, that's a way better guy to get raped by. | ||
| So tell us what happened with this. | ||
| Mayhem is, like I said, one of the nicest guys I know. | ||
| Totally down, loyal dude. | ||
| But he had an issue with an employee. | ||
| I had the worst assistant ever. | ||
| Like, literally. | ||
| I'd be like, Eddie, take a right on Ocean and a right on California, alright? | ||
| Right on Ocean, right on California. | ||
| Let's make up a name for this guy. | ||
| Yeah, his name is... | ||
| How about Mike? | ||
| Is Mike good? | ||
| No, Mike's my dad's name. | ||
| Tanya Harding. | ||
| Tanya Harding. | ||
| Okay, let's... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Don't say Tanya Harding. | ||
| Let's just call him Tanya. | ||
| I'll call him Tanya. | ||
| I'll be like, Tanya, just take a right... | ||
| Oh no, it shouldn't take a right on California. | ||
| You got it? | ||
| And he's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. | ||
| And my friend goes, it's a big yellow building. | ||
| So I walk to the building I told him to go to, and I'm waiting for 15 minutes. | ||
| And I'm like, what the hell? | ||
| Finally I call the guy. | ||
| I'm like, what are you doing? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| He's just stupid. | ||
| Okay, we've established he's very poor at his job. | ||
| Okay, so then he comes... | ||
| But he fucked you over. | ||
| Let's get on track here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I am, I am. | |
| This guy fucked you over. | ||
| I want to set it up so you know what I was dealing with here. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So I keep giving him another chance every time. | ||
| I'm like, God... | ||
| So he can't pay my credit card bill. | ||
| It'd take me two minutes to do it. | ||
| He has all the information. | ||
| Still couldn't do it. | ||
| He can't figure out Travelocity. | ||
| He booked me an hour away from my family reunion. | ||
| Like, he's terrible at his job. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| So, he then goes to one of my close friends and just lies about everything. | ||
| Like, Like, it's a girl. | ||
| One of your close friends, this guy, found her information and contact with her. | ||
| Somehow he got her email. | ||
| I don't know how he did it. | ||
| He had to be hating. | ||
| There's only one reason why a guy does that. | ||
| A guy goes and talks to a girl and talks shit about you. | ||
| That's a hater. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| I'm well aware of that. | ||
| So, you know, this guy freaking... | ||
| Calls her and just starts making up ridiculous stories. | ||
| The girl believes it. | ||
| Like, she's like, believes it. | ||
| Totally believes it. | ||
| And then it's like, totally... | ||
| I'm like, what the hell? | ||
| So he says a bunch of bad shit about you. | ||
| Yeah, a bunch of bad shit about me. | ||
| You're very emotional. | ||
| You're having a hard time getting this out. | ||
| They are. | ||
| Yeah, they are. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking... | ||
| That sucks, man. | ||
| Sensitive, sensitive. | ||
| But anyway... | ||
| Very sensitive. | ||
| This guy fucked you over. | ||
| Yeah, fucked me over. | ||
| Finally, I get the story out of her. | ||
| She tells me why. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| Like, he just made all that shit up. | ||
| Like, really? | ||
| We make up. | ||
| She tells me all that. | ||
| I'm like, man, I suffered for like a week or two where she was just giving me the boot. | ||
| Like, no reason. | ||
| And I don't know what. | ||
| And you didn't know what it was. | ||
| I didn't know what it was. | ||
| And all of a sudden, the guy that I fired the week before because he's inept at his job. | ||
| And I was totally cool with him, too. | ||
| So you had already fired him and then he did all this? | ||
| I fired him and then he did all this. | ||
| Oh, I was confused. | ||
| I thought he did all this while he was working for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Okay. | ||
| So then, you fire him. | ||
| He talks shit about you to this girl that he's probably in love with. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| And then, what do you do? | ||
| You put his... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| I was talking to my friend, Dane Cook. | ||
| Name dropped. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| I was talking to my friend Dane Cook about the situation. | ||
| Well, you were talking on Twitter, right? | ||
| On Twitter. | ||
| And then I accidentally posted that guy's number. | ||
| Dude, I did that. | ||
| I did that. | ||
| I did my own number. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| I saw that you did that. | ||
| So I was like, yeah, call the guy anyway and talk to him. | ||
| So you thought you were making a direct message to Dane Cook. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you were really just Twittering it publicly. | ||
| Hey, that happens, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I can't figure out how to delete the phone number. | |
| Oh, don't worry. | ||
| There's nice people on Twitter. | ||
| They'll delete it. | ||
| Leaking your phone number is so intense. | ||
| Because that's something that you have so many, like 100 people that know your phone number. | ||
| I think that's all good. | ||
| I think just reaching back and trying to grab ahold of the people from the past. | ||
| Let that shit go, son. | ||
| It's kind of fun when you lose a number and it's got to go. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| Now I can't even turn the phone on. | ||
| I turn the phone on, it just reboots because it gets so many texts. | ||
| Because I turn it on like every day. | ||
| And when I turn it on, it'll have like 5,000 texts. | ||
| So it just reboots. | ||
| And I can't use it. | ||
| I try to make a call. | ||
| Or I get calls in on it. | ||
| I try to answer the call. | ||
| And while I'm answering the call, it's just constant buzz, buzz, buzz of text coming through. | ||
| Buzz, buzz. | ||
| So what you're saying is people calling in on the other line. | ||
| And then it reboots. | ||
| Is that Redman is basically turning the phone on and sitting on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what you're calling me? | |
| I'm putting in my flashlight. | ||
| That's what he likes to do. | ||
| So, unfortunately, you put this guy's phone number online, but I don't think anybody's going to call it. | ||
| No, nobody will call his number, right? | ||
| Why would they? | ||
| Yeah, it's not like it's my phone number. | ||
| Yeah, and it's not like you're this loved guy, and that guy fucked you over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Nobody loves the bully me down guy. | ||
| Well, I am an official mayhem monkey. | ||
| I'm a member of the cult. | ||
| You're like 420. That's as cliche as they make it, folks. | ||
| I had to take it. | ||
| It's perfect, right? | ||
| Yeah, bro, come on. | ||
| Somebody had to be 420. Yeah, Mayhem has a cult called the Mayhem Monkeys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm down with that shit, son. | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I got a Mayhem Monkey t-shirt. | ||
| I got two of them. | ||
| I feel like you're at least a general in the Mayhem Monkey army. | ||
| I mean, at least. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Wait, Prime Minister. | ||
| Well, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| How about this? | ||
| How about I have a cult, you have a cult, and we'll be like fucking favored nations and shit. | ||
| No, that's who we are. | ||
| We'll be like allies. | ||
| That's who we are. | ||
| No, you know why? | ||
| Because you think about it, I just want my cult to be... | ||
| People are of the same mindset. | ||
| And you are because we're all monkeys spinning around a rock in space, right? | ||
| Tubes and tunnels. | ||
| What's tubes and tunnels? | ||
| That's what we have? | ||
| Boys have tubes, girls have tunnels? | ||
| I love Brian. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because Brian is a grown man with a beard, but he thinks like a 14-year-old. | ||
| He's so great. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| I love that personality, man. | ||
| That's a unique motherfucker right there. | ||
| But did you ever get your Mayhem Monkeys all together for kind of like a roller skating party or anything like that? | ||
| I've done that with the Rogan board members. | ||
| It's almost always awesome, but there's almost always one dude that's creepy in real life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| One dude that just jacks the party. | ||
| Remember when we did Houston back in the day? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who was a good example of that? | ||
| It was a couple dudes. | ||
| I don't remember their names, but I don't know if any of them I did. | ||
| I wouldn't even say it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| After meeting them, they just drop off the board. | ||
| They stop coming to the board. | ||
| And there's been members that wives have found out that they came to these circle jerks. | ||
| There's been affairs. | ||
| There's been deaths. | ||
| I mean, our friend Outlaw... | ||
| That was a legitimate friend of ours that died. | ||
| He had a heart attack. | ||
| He was overweight. | ||
| That's a business. | ||
| Lon is a cool motherfucker. | ||
| We knew that guy from 2001 when we first met him in Houston. | ||
| And he was always on my message board. | ||
| Just a funny dude. | ||
| Just a cool dude. | ||
| So you can meet cool people off the internet. | ||
| But the problem is, man, for every cool dude, for every ten cool dudes, there's one or two just creepy fucks. | ||
| We have the best percentages on the planet. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty fucking good. | ||
| I think you get to know people very well from reading the shit they write on the internet. | ||
| That's why Twitter's awesome because you get to see, is this person a negative person? | ||
| Positive? | ||
| Funny? | ||
| You can see through their tweets because they can't help it. | ||
| They put themselves out there. | ||
| You know who I love? | ||
| I love black dudes that give motivational talks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| I like that too. | ||
| I like that too. | ||
| You know Tyrese, that actor? | ||
| That dude who's always like, women, stand up for yourself in all caps. | ||
| Make that man respect you. | ||
| And baby boy is saying that? | ||
| Love yourself before someone else will love you girls. | ||
| He'll say all this crazy, super positive love pimp shit. | ||
| And you know he's just slinging his I'm a good guy game. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| His fucking avatar on Twitter is him making out with some chick. | ||
| The dude is built like a fucking Greek god. | ||
| He's a movie star. | ||
| He's a sexy motherfucker. | ||
| I mean, I don't hate him. | ||
| I'm not hating, but I find it hilarious when he's talking all this superpower pro-god love game. | ||
| Like, you can tell when someone's throwing a game. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You can tell when someone's real and that's who they are. | ||
| Yeah, you can. | ||
| But a lot of people are not as bright as you are Joe Rogan. | ||
| But isn't it fascinating when you see someone's throwing a game and other people aren't seeing it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like Scientology. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Anything like that. | ||
| I had this neighbor who was a cool guy. | ||
| I still love the guy, where I used to live. | ||
| And he was talking to me about buying this piece of property. | ||
| And then I said, well, I can't do it right now, but I really want to pick this up because my wife is about to go clear. | ||
| So I go, what are you talking about? | ||
| He goes, yeah, well, we're in Scientology, and she's going to go clear, and it costs $50,000. | ||
| Otherwise, I would pick this piece of property up. | ||
| I go, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| I go, what is clear? | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| So I'm just, you know, as a comedian, automatically, I want to start laughing at him and mocking him. | ||
| But then my heckler skills are taking me, give him some rope. | ||
| Let's talk here. | ||
| Let's find out what we got going on here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| So I'm listening to him, and he's telling me that his wife is going to become someone who cannot be influenced by outside forces. | ||
| Dude, I'm not fucking with you. | ||
| They get him to the point where nothing negative that anybody does to them or says to them can affect who they are. | ||
| It's really fucking some pretty strong pimp shit, if you think about it. | ||
| Someone tells you that they're going to fix you, so nothing's going to come in. | ||
| What's uncomfortable about it is you start thinking you could do that, too. | ||
| You start thinking, I could do that to people. | ||
| I could start writing shit like this and making shit up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, undoubtedly. | |
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Easily. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| Easily, man. | ||
| It was a crazy feeling, though, knowing that I'm living next to some dude who's just getting raped. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| We can go down that path. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The religious path. | |
| They were taking 50 grand from him, man! | ||
| 50,000! | ||
| 50,000 to do some goddamn voodoo ceremony on his wife so that she won't get affected by bad buju anymore. | ||
| Did you ever see the South Park episode about the whole Scientology thing? | ||
| One of the best. | ||
| Oh yeah, and you know when they went over the whole myth? | ||
| Oh my god, that was genius. | ||
| South Park's the greatest fucking cartoon in history. | ||
| Here's the way it is though. | ||
| The way it is is my friend has a grandma from Japan, lived in Hawaii, but basically for the last 30 years been in the house, cleaning the house. | ||
| She's the nicest lady. | ||
| One of her friends from, I don't know, whatever old Japanese ladies do, she doesn't speak English. | ||
| So they go to a Japanese church, a Christian church, and they go – they're telling the story of the virgin birth, and she suddenly has a freakout. | ||
| She's 80 years old. | ||
| She's kind of like an old lady. | ||
| She's like, you believe this? | ||
| She went, you – in the middle of the sermon, like, you all believe this? | ||
| This is what the – because that's her first time in a Christian church. | ||
| She didn't ever – she never heard about it really. | ||
| She didn't know the story. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| It's not, you know, she freaked out. | ||
| She was like, did you guys believe? | ||
| And fucked up the whole sermon and left in the middle of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But if you draw the parallel, it's the same thing. | |
| It's kind of hard to, you know, I mean, I hate to get everybody angry at me. | ||
| Scientology is the same thing as Christianity. | ||
| Well, I mean, it's just, it's the 2,000 years younger. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't matter. | ||
| Anybody telling you they've got all the answers, they don't. | ||
| We have this weird hunger to figure it all out. | ||
| That's good, though. | ||
| It's good because now we've got these scientists Real scientists, and I think it's messed up, the Scientologists put it in there to sound like they're science. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| That is kind of fucked up. | ||
| That's kind of fucked up. | ||
| They made their cult with science. | ||
| Because people who don't want to go to church go, uh, wait, science sounds better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Scientology. | ||
| It has nothing to do with science. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Science fiction. | |
| Science and psychology together. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Meshed up. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But, you know, we all... | ||
| We all have this need to know everything. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| These smart scientists are figuring it out. | ||
| You know, they know the world is wrong because they definitely shot a... | ||
| Here's the reality. | ||
| Here's the reality. | ||
| They're figuring out things about matter. | ||
| They're figuring out things about the nature of reality. | ||
| But we want more. | ||
| But there's way more. | ||
| The real big question isn't, like, how does this work? | ||
| What makes this explode? | ||
| What makes an atom? | ||
| What makes the Big Bang? | ||
| The real question is, what the fuck is all this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I know. | |
| That's the real question. | ||
| That's impossible with just science. | ||
| It's going to take evolution and science. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| The real thing that's going on is that we have all this incredible power right now as a human race, but we're still in this crazy adolescent stage of figuring out how to behave and think and raise children to be normal humans. | ||
| It's a fucking very strange time when you think about the power that people have to... | ||
| To change the fucking world that we live in, like with explosions and all kinds of crazy shit that people have invented. | ||
| And how dumb people are as well at the same time. | ||
| So many dummies. | ||
| Well, yeah, but you know, I mean, that's the way the world is. | ||
| You know, there's smart people out there. | ||
| And those smart people boss... | ||
| Idiots like me around. | ||
| But has there ever been as big a disparity between people who are intelligent and involved and the people who aren't, all living in the same time? | ||
| There's actually a lot of – all right, so scientists are talking about how things are going to go in which direction they're going to go, and they're talking about the elite class of people, the smart people. | ||
| Some scientists have talked about that. | ||
| Some scientists say that we're going to evolve, just like the time machine. | ||
| There's going to be some goons, and there's going to be the super smart, crazy, genetically enhanced robot people. | ||
| I don't know why people wouldn't think that's possible. | ||
| People want to think somehow or another that human beings, what we are right now, is what we're going to stay. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| And we're not. | ||
| We're going to become something else. | ||
| We're going to move on to something else, man. | ||
| Who knows what the fuck it is, but it's not going to stop right here. | ||
| I'm just hoping I get robot arms out of the field. | ||
| And if you look at other animals, a bunch of different kinds of subspecies where they branched off. | ||
| And the humans themselves. | ||
| We at one point in time were related to some other kind of primate. | ||
| The same primate that the chimps were related to. | ||
| And they all went in different directions. | ||
| Who the fuck are we to assume that the branch is going to stop here? | ||
| No, we're not. | ||
| I don't think anybody is. | ||
| Does anyone think that, though? | ||
| Yeah, no, what are you talking about, man? | ||
| Most people think that we're here, this is how we're staying, when they can't even see that the Chinese chick I dated, her parents are like super short, and she just sprung up to like 5'8", you know, out of nowhere. | ||
| Well, guess what? | ||
| She's like eating this chemically processed food, and all of a sudden she gets huge, and she had big boobs. | ||
| I'm like, how... | ||
| What? | ||
| You're Asian. | ||
| Your mom is super flat. | ||
| Your dad is like a scrawny twig. | ||
| You got an octawoman. | ||
| You're having more babies now. | ||
| There's more twins. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's like some chemicals they pumped in her, though, like some female steroids. | ||
| Yeah, that was on purpose, dude. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| They injected embryos into her. | ||
| Well, that happens all the time that people can't have a kid. | ||
| They're like, God, I just want to have a baby, and then I inject the lady with a bunch of hormones so she's super fertile. | ||
| Then he drops a load inside of her, and all of a sudden you pop out a litter of puppies. | ||
| Well, it's that, and they even put embryos in these people. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I mean, actual embryos into old women who no longer have any eggs. | ||
| And bodies are starting to get used to having 12 kids at once. | ||
| Would a body be able to have 12 kids... | ||
| 10 years ago? | ||
| 20 years ago? | ||
| I'm just hoping to see the turtle woman who has all her kids on the beach and then covers them up with sand. | ||
| I think it's a disturbing idea for people to think that there's going to be two groups of humans, intelligent ones and moron ones. | ||
| They literally be two different species because people are worried that they would be in the moron group. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha! | |
| That's what it is. | ||
| Everybody's like, I don't even want to talk about this. | ||
| This is not real. | ||
| No. | ||
| Bullshit. | ||
| People are going to evolve together. | ||
| We're going to help each other. | ||
| Stop thinking like that. | ||
| You're a pessimist. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Watch the fucking news. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Pay attention to some of the crazy shit that you hear people do. | ||
| You hear about people fucking their kids and going into stores with machine guns. | ||
| You don't think that it's somehow possible that that might be a separate subspecies of people eventually. | ||
| Completely unrelated to a Bill Gates. | ||
| Like, so totally different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just a matter of time, man. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'm cool with being on the lower end. | ||
| I'm like, whatever. | ||
| I'll be like the smartest dumb guy. | ||
| It'll be awesome. | ||
| I'll be like the axe-winging savage. | ||
| I'll be like, what? | ||
| 7-Eleven? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Give me the food! | |
| You might be having more fun, and you might be getting more chicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, for sure. | |
| Because the smart chicks, it's hard to get them to commit to a relationship. | ||
| They're very wary of you. | ||
| They want to, like, I don't... | ||
| You seem like a guy who's going to, like, abuse my emotions. | ||
| But the dumb chicks, like... | ||
| Oh, you're hot, Jason. | ||
| The dumb ones are sometimes it's more fun. | ||
| If you want to party, partying with dumb people sometimes is a lot more fun than partying with smart people who want to fucking cry, talk to you about their ex-husbands and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They want to smoke a joint and then fucking, yeah, cry about their ex-husbands? | |
| Fuck! | ||
| I mean, think about it. | ||
| If you're just a guy trying to have a good time, you have two options. | ||
| One is a girl who's 23, just got out of college, she's out with all of her best friends, and they're all drinking. | ||
| Okay, there's that. | ||
| Or, she's 31, she's smoking cigarettes, she just broke up with her boyfriend, she thinks she might be pregnant. | ||
| Who the fuck are you going to talk to? | ||
| Who are you going to talk to? | ||
| You want to talk to a smart chick who just graduated from college and she's not exactly sure what she's going to do with her life? | ||
| Hey, hey, hey. | ||
| I just want to dance. | ||
| Can't we just have a drink and have some fun? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| So you maybe have a point. | ||
| If you want to have some fun, just fun, studies. | ||
| Hey, studies disagree with you because from age 27 to 45 is like a woman's... | ||
| Oh, sexual prime. | ||
| Oh, for sure, sexual prime. | ||
| You're telling me a 23-year-old is not blowing you in the bathroom of a bowling alley? | ||
| We're talking about dumb and smart. | ||
| That's all I'm talking about. | ||
| I'm not talking about necessarily the age. | ||
| I think the chicks are hottest when they're in their 30s because they become women and they know each other. | ||
| I'm just saying, in our theoretical world of two different subspecies, you might be better off being king of the retards because you get a lot of hot chicks that are just really easy and fun to hang out with. | ||
| As opposed to, if you hang out with a lot of smart chicks, they're going to want a lot of commitment. | ||
| You're going to have to have a relationship. | ||
| We have a black president. | ||
| It is the future now, and I am the king of the retards. | ||
| I'm chubby enough in Texas that I'm a supermodel. | ||
| Yeah, in Texas, you fit right the fuck in. | ||
| Dude, they look up to me. | ||
| Girls like a man with a little gut in Texas. | ||
| That's a man who's living. | ||
| Look, in the old days, fat broads were attractive. | ||
| That's why those old paintings, fat meant you had some money. | ||
| She's so luxurious. | ||
| Look, she gets to get fat. | ||
| Because nobody else got fat, man. | ||
| When you look at those old pictures of fat bitches, you're like, why is that sexy? | ||
| What the fuck was wrong with them? | ||
| What was wrong was it was hard to get food. | ||
| That was their bling. | ||
| They were bling blinging. | ||
| Look at all this titty. | ||
| Look at all this shit right here. | ||
| I got all fat hanging off my arms and shit. | ||
| That's how much food I got, bitch. | ||
| I don't think they talk like that in the 1600s. | ||
| Those pictures, that was the equivalent of Dub Magazine. | ||
| That was the equivalent of MTV Cribs. | ||
| They were showing their bling. | ||
| This is my bling. | ||
| Look at all my fat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just be eating shit, pigs and shit all day. | |
| I'm eating pigs. | ||
| Yeah, you could be fat and fucked up and you looked like royalty, whereas everyone else was sinewy and they fucking worked all day. | ||
| They were built like mayhem. | ||
| So you're saying if I go back in time, I want to plow some hood rats. | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| Well, when you go back in time, maybe fat chicks, you'd fall into a world where fat chicks were a trap. | ||
| Maybe the only reason that guys could get fat chicks is because they had those gay powdered wigs on and only fat chicks would fuck them. | ||
| I don't know if that's the same era. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Powdered wigs? | ||
| Powdered wigs went a long way, right? | ||
| I think it was getting out of that when Jerome was painting. | ||
| People didn't wash back then. | ||
| Yeah, they did. | ||
| Who cared? | ||
| They washed very rarely. | ||
| Well, you wash your armpits and your junk. | ||
| You do an Irish shower real quick. | ||
| God damn, how much did people stink back then? | ||
| No way, man. | ||
| A lot of powder. | ||
| You do that all the time. | ||
| But I think that's how we're supposed to be. | ||
| We're always trying to kill our pheromones off of each other. | ||
| Do you think that if people just walked around all day funky that you'd get used to it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think you might. | ||
| That's like getting used to the cat litter box. | ||
| I smell it every day. | ||
| I still don't love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen, bro. | |
| Listen, bro. | ||
| When you do jujitsu, you get used to stinky smelling gis and people. | ||
| I don't mind it at all. | ||
| You don't mind it. | ||
| Dude, I locked up with this guy the other day, and as soon as we started grappling, his shirt smelled like pneumonia. | ||
| Maybe you always liked it. | ||
| You know how dudes leave their shit when people leave their gi in their bag, and then they put it on again a second time? | ||
| It's got that smell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| This guy has rash guard. | ||
| For sure, he wore it twice. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| Some dudes do that. | ||
| They're bachelors and shit. | ||
| They don't have any laundry. | ||
| They don't have the time to do it. | ||
| They work. | ||
| You get used to it, man. | ||
| Actually, I kind of like... | ||
| Listen, bro. | ||
| You say that, but you would. | ||
| I smell cat litter for the last 10 years. | ||
| It smells like assholes. | ||
| You would smell like assholes. | ||
| Why? | ||
| It's not human. | ||
| It's poop. | ||
| Poop is actually dangerous for you. | ||
| It's like you have a bacteria that can give you disease. | ||
| That's why it's so repulsive to you. | ||
| You had to explain that to this guy right now? | ||
| It's a big difference between... | ||
| He's very smart. | ||
| He's very smart. | ||
| He's just a little stony. | ||
| Sorry, I'm just saying, shit is bad for you, just so you know. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| Sorry, sorry. | ||
| No, but I like stinky people. | ||
| You don't mind stinky people? | ||
| What about stinky pussy, though? | ||
| Not if it's negative. | ||
| You can smell the negative smell. | ||
| However, man, every girlfriend I've had, whether she knew it or not, I smell her armpit. | ||
| Hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, every time. | ||
| I can't help it. | ||
| My nose doesn't work that good. | ||
| Sometimes, when I get warmed up, it works just fine. | ||
| Isn't it amazing how repulsive stinky pussy is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| And this is not a woman-hating statement at all. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| It's like, no one's perfect. | ||
| It's just a health problem. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's a bacterial infection or whatever it is. | ||
| It's nothing wrong. | ||
| I mean, it happens to people. | ||
| But... | ||
| The smell itself is such a warning sign to men. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is, pussy always smells awesome. | ||
| When you get down there, you smell the hormones and the moistness of it. | ||
| It has this glazed fucking scent to it. | ||
| You just barely pick it up. | ||
| You smell a woman through her pussy. | ||
| A clean, fresh pussy is a fantastic odor. | ||
| But when it's nasty, when she's got some sort of a yeast infection or something, it's horrifying. | ||
| Like, all of your synapses are firing. | ||
| All of your senses are going, get the fuck away from that. | ||
| The last thing you want to do. | ||
| I mean, I will eat a girl's ass after she gets back from the gym way quicker than I would ever even think about going down on a girl who has a yeast infection. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Has anybody ever gone down on a girl who has a yeast infection? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Cottage cheese is delicious. | ||
| But you know what's really... | ||
| You know what's bad also is soap pussy, where they don't clean out the soap enough, and you're licking, and you're like, this tastes like I'm fucking washing my soap out. | ||
| I'd rather be licking a dial factory than I would a yeast factory. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I like the muffler a little dirty. | ||
| Have you ever gone down on a girl who had a yeast infection? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Well, I mean, I'm sure I have. | ||
| Like, you know, at what level does it become a yeast infection? | ||
| I mean, at one point, it's like getting there, and then beyond it, then it stinks. | ||
| But I'm sure, you know. | ||
| Does period blood bug you? | ||
| It depends on the girl I found. | ||
| It's not like real blood. | ||
| It depends on the girl? | ||
| I've recently been turning into Braveheart, you know, putting fucking stripes underneath my eyes, fucking drinking that shit. | ||
| I think if you're turned on enough, you don't give a fuck. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Whenever I hear, girls will complain. | ||
| They will tell you stories about their boyfriend won't fuck them when they're on the rag and he's disgusted by it. | ||
| I'm like, that guy's not that into you. | ||
| Because let me tell you something. | ||
| If a guy wants to fuck you, he doesn't care if your pussy's red. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| What is the difference if it's slippery and red or slippery and clear? | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| It can have an odor. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| That's just blood. | ||
| If I'm horny, and that's it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're on your period? | |
| Oh, there's gonna be some blood? | ||
| Sorry, you're wrong. | ||
| This is a shower. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're wrong. | |
| It's not just blood, dude. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Dude, I don't care. | ||
| Clots, eggs, all of it. | ||
| Embryos. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| Chewing it up like a country breakfast? | ||
| Dude, when my shit is ready to go, and I go into gorilla mode, I don't give a fuck about some blood. | ||
| I don't care about it anymore. | ||
| You're not gonna bury your face in it. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| I would now. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| I would eat a pussy. | ||
| Red Wing time 20 right now. | ||
| If Mrs. Rogan is on her period, I'll eat that pussy. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I'm not scared of blood, dude. | ||
| I got this werewolf fucking fixation. | ||
| What I don't like, though, is when I forget to wash it off and then you have that cocoon shell on your dick the next morning where you pull it off like a locust. | ||
| Oh, when you forget? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you can all be crusted and scaly and shit. | ||
| A locust. | ||
| You gotta pick it off a tree. | ||
| It's got its little legs still. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a good turn, man, because that's a primal thing. | ||
| These are all primal messages that nature gives you. | ||
| These are all good things. | ||
| It's good for the chick. | ||
| It's good for you. | ||
| You know, when you go down on a chick and you smell her and she smells awesome and you want to eat her pussy, that feels good for her, too. | ||
| That's like extra excitement. | ||
| Like, you're into it. | ||
| She loves it. | ||
| And there's just a burst of positive energy. | ||
| That's all good stuff, man. | ||
| There ain't nothing wrong with that. | ||
| And the fact that somehow or another you're not supposed to talk about this or it's supposed to be something that's discussed behind closed doors, that's just because people are afraid. | ||
| They're afraid of their feelings. | ||
| They're afraid of emotions. | ||
| They're afraid of looking ridiculous. | ||
| Well, it's our whole culture, too. | ||
| We have a whole stop on sex. | ||
| Like, oh, my God, sex. | ||
| Whoa, what do you draw like? | ||
| Every one of us is here because two people are fucked. | ||
| How come you can't talk about eating pussy on the Today Show? | ||
| Why can't I go on the Today Show and just respectfully talk about eating pussy? | ||
| Because you don't want to see those Katie Couric getting horny. | ||
| You don't want to see that. | ||
| They're trying to protect you. | ||
| They're trying to protect you from gross women getting horny. | ||
| If I caught Katie Couric 10 years ago and we got drunk together in a hotel bar... | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Right now? | ||
| I was a single man. | ||
| You'd wreck it? | ||
| I'd wreck it. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Katie Couric, if you want some... | ||
| If you want some... | ||
| If you ever had some athlete dick... | ||
| If you ever had some MMA fighter dick... | ||
| If you ever have some gladiator cock... | ||
| Jason Mayhem Miller is ready to throw down. | ||
| Do you want to be Mayhem Monkey number 421? | ||
| Do you want to see Al Roker? | ||
| Because that position's available. | ||
| You and me in the record books, yo. | ||
| Al Roker with a boner doing the weather. | ||
| Do you want that? | ||
| Why would Al Roker get hard? | ||
| Do you think Al Roker would get hard from Katie Couric? | ||
| That's like his sister that gets more money than him. | ||
| I bet they hate each other. | ||
| I bet they yell at each other in the dressing room. | ||
| You are fucking hogging up my screen time! | ||
| I bet they get all shitty with each other. | ||
| I don't like the way you threw to that piece! | ||
| Fuck you, Katie! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You made $50 million this year, you fucking whore! | |
| They probably yell at each other and shit. | ||
| Al, you read the fucking weather. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| You're pointing at shit. | ||
| You think you're talented? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a conversationalist. | |
| You're a fucking sideshow. | ||
| People tune in to see how much weight you lose. | ||
| You know that their managers do that, not them. | ||
| Do you think they bang? | ||
| Could you imagine if Katie Couric and... | ||
| Secrets are being exposed because of the internet. | ||
| I mean, look at this Mel Gibson thing. | ||
| Oh my god, Mel Gibson is awesome! | ||
| I love him more than George W. Bush. | ||
| He's like the best hilarious guy ever. | ||
| I love him more than I've ever loved a male celebrity. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| He's a train wreck, but everybody gets to see it. | ||
| I'm sure he must have been a fucking nightmare to be in a relationship with. | ||
| But I don't think we're getting all the fucking details out of her either. | ||
| I think that bitch is fucking cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs as well. | ||
| Oh, and Natalie, because the chicks always were egg-a-dood on and make them psycho. | ||
| How calm is she? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's so calm. | |
| That's why, because she's already done all the work. | ||
| Now she's collected dividends by recording them. | ||
| Here's the deal, ladies, please. | ||
| If anybody talks to you like that... | ||
| Don't talk to them. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Just hang up. | ||
| Don't ever engage in... | ||
| I understand she's got a kid with him, but let's be realistic. | ||
| This shit didn't start... | ||
| She did it on purpose. | ||
| Yeah, but this shit didn't start recently. | ||
| Those kind of screams? | ||
| That motherfucker's been ramping up for years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Years. | |
| Yeah, that's years worth of build-up to get to that point where that kind of crazy is acceptable. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You can't release that kraken on the second day of the relationship. | ||
| To get that kind of crazy, you gotta get to know each other for a long-ass time to the point where you feel like you could just be completely insane with her. | ||
| You fucking cunt whore! | ||
| I hope you get right by a pack of niggers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He just starts talking super crazy talk. | |
| That's been building up, man. | ||
| It was like a sex thing between them. | ||
| It was like role-playing that she took the recordings of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, that's a good, you know what? | ||
| I like his conspiracy theories. | ||
| You fucking bitch! | ||
| The whole time he's masturbating. | ||
| That's why he's out of breath going... | ||
| You know what he could say? | ||
| If he was like a Jaqueen Phoenix type dude, he could say this is all performance art. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| That's all he has to say. | ||
| He could say it's all performance art. | ||
| He's like my EA Sports video. | ||
| You know what he could say too? | ||
| He could have a public apology and say none of this was ever meant to get out. | ||
| And I definitely took it too far. | ||
| And I definitely think I got too into character and said some shit that was offensive. | ||
| And I never wanted people to hear it. | ||
| And all I was doing was exploring this character that I was creating for a new role about a guy who was this very wealthy man with a Russian bride who was trying to kill him, and he went crazy. | ||
| So I was exploring this character. | ||
| I apologize. | ||
| And she took it way out of context. | ||
| Mel, call me. | ||
| We can work this shit out, son. | ||
| Call me. | ||
| I want to fuck you. | ||
| Mayhem and I got it, dude. | ||
| We're going to meet you in Malibu. | ||
| We'll get some sushi at Nobu. | ||
| Holla. | ||
| Dude, I know a guy that can back Twitter. | ||
| Sushi Chef K. My friend K works there at Nobu. | ||
| We'll get you together, bro. | ||
| Mel, we got you. | ||
| Dude, back-twittering. | ||
| It exists. | ||
| Mel, this is all just a misunderstanding. | ||
| This is a character you're working on. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Mayhem knows. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| We got you. | ||
| Didn't it, though, as a crazy person, Mayhem, didn't it make you happy that someone was way crazier than you? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I was like, whoa! | ||
| I would never say some shit like that. | ||
| I get banana sandwiched sometimes. | ||
| Fucking flip my lid. | ||
| But I would never, like, I don't know, maybe it's just not in my character, though. | ||
| Like, I don't lie. | ||
| Like, I wouldn't say anything racist, because I would say some crazy shit, but I could never bring it to that level where you're like, shit, whore, cunt. | ||
| Then again, I don't have any kids. | ||
| So maybe it made him crazy. | ||
| Like when a dog has a baby, it starts to get super protective. | ||
| Well, Dr. Drew says, and I don't know if Dr. Drew's right, but Dr. Drew says that he thinks that what it is is an imbalance. | ||
| He thinks that Mel Gibson is something wrong with his brain. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's bipolar. | |
| Well, because if he's getting hammered all the time and then yelling at cops about juice. | ||
| That was the other thing Dr. Drew said. | ||
| He was talking about recovery and the fact that Mel was in recovery for alcohol and then he might have fucked up and fell off the wagon. | ||
| So he might legitimately be crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sounds like it. | ||
| Sounds like it, right? | ||
| Because that's not normal guy psycho. | ||
| He would hug up after he said his piece. | ||
| Brian, you ever met anybody that crazy? | ||
| Yeah, it's usually thyroid conditions and shit like that, but maybe he just got so stuck into the lethal weapon role. | ||
| You met somebody that crazy? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Who do you know that's that crazy? | ||
| I made a stripper that crazy. | ||
| You don't have to say names. | ||
| An ex? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay, no. | ||
| Not an ex. | ||
| Just a person you know. | ||
| Just a girl I know that I used to work with. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, that girl. | ||
| The one with the hair. | ||
| Yes, that girl. | ||
| And that girl would get that crazy? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Well, you could tell it was a irritation brought on by, you know, chemicals. | ||
| Chemical stuff, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you could tell it was just one day was awesome. | ||
| Other day, it was like the worst storm. | ||
| And people that don't have any medical issues are so quick to dismiss that shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, the bottom line is, man, the body fucks up and sometimes doesn't produce the shit it's supposed to produce. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| I just think anytime somebody has, you know, whatever, a mental condition, And then he exacerbates it with alcohol, drugs, or whatever. | ||
| Maybe he's popping them Adderalls. | ||
| That'll make you psyched up. | ||
| A lot of guys who write do Adderall. | ||
| Yeah, because you sit there and super focused and write. | ||
| I tried that, and I had to flip out like that. | ||
| Because a doctor said, oh, you have ADD. Oh, really? | ||
| I have ADD? I'm just hyperactive, really. | ||
| And then he gave me that stuff. | ||
| And for a while, I was writing blogs on MayhemMiller.com. | ||
| I was writing whatever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Man, out of nowhere, I just start flipping out, like, losing my mind. | ||
| Well, it's like speed. | ||
| Yeah, it is speed. | ||
| It's methamphetamine salts. | ||
| That's what it's called. | ||
| They didn't even hide the name in a different name. | ||
| It's called methamphetamine salts? | ||
| Yeah, that's what it's called. | ||
| The generic, if you get generic, it's methamphetamine salts, generic for Adderall. | ||
| Like, whoa, they're selling this to kids. | ||
| Brian, look that up. | ||
| Did you look that up? | ||
| No, I believe you, but I want to know. | ||
| Because after it made me crazy, I was like, dude. | ||
| The chemical term is, that's insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have a friend who's on it. | ||
| What should I Google? | ||
| Adderall. | ||
| Adderall. | ||
| And I don't know, technical name? | ||
| Chicks take it all the time. | ||
| Just Adderall. | ||
| I bet in Wikipedia it probably tells you. | ||
| I know two model chicks who take that because it kills your appetite and they just walk around super scrawny and ripped up. | ||
| Oh my God, that's so crazy. | ||
| How much B12 do you take per day? | ||
| I probably take 500 milligrams. | ||
| Are you sure about that? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Just wondering. | ||
| He's just being a weirdo. | ||
| Alright, I found Adderall. | ||
| I like niacin better. | ||
| I have a buddy who's a comic who's on the Adderall, and he says it helps him tremendously. | ||
| He says before... | ||
| Yeah, well, he's a dude who doesn't take care of himself. | ||
| He's in his 40s, and he looks like he's falling apart. | ||
| He's just one of those dudes who's just never been real health conscious, and he was having issues with energy and focus, and they got him on this Adderall shit, and now this motherfucker just works his ass off. | ||
| He could just sit in front of the computer 10 hours at a stretch and write books. | ||
| Hey man, Hitler gave it to the soldiers in his army. | ||
| Hell, what am I talking about? | ||
| Methamphetamines. | ||
| Yeah, methamphetamines. | ||
| There's greenies in the Vietnam era. | ||
| The greenies, the guys are taking it and going on ruck marches for like two or three days. | ||
| Well, I thought the Japanese invented it. | ||
| I thought they invented it, and then they tested it out on kamikaze pilots. | ||
| What I had read, or maybe I had seen a documentary, I don't really remember totally, but it was something on the creation of methamphetamines, and it was connected to kamikaze pilots, that that's how they talked those guys into going crazy and slamming their plane into boats, is that they were all methed out of their heads, which totally makes sense. | ||
| Could you imagine being in war? | ||
| Could you imagine being over there in the Japanese army? | ||
| Being in war and being methed out of your fucking mind, surrounded by other dudes, methed out of your fucking mind, and everyone's got guns. | ||
| Yeah, but you know what? | ||
| Jap dudes are real serious. | ||
| I lived over there. | ||
| They're very focused on everything. | ||
| That is a warrior culture, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| I love it over there, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| It's great. | ||
| I love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I lived over there. | |
| You're a huge star over there, too. | ||
| You're a much bigger star in Japan than you are in America. | ||
| I wish that I could fight over there more, but right now the economy is in shambles. | ||
| They fucking love you over there, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| It's great. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because I make an effort. | ||
| Actually, my Ryo Chonen, my best buddy, I call him Aniki. | ||
| That means, like, big brother. | ||
| And he's, like, my guy. | ||
| And I lived over there. | ||
| And I, like, because of the limited Japanese I can speak, I assimilated with Japanese fighters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I would just be me and, you know, 18 Japanese fighters eating at a sumo restaurant. | ||
| Like, that is me and a bunch of Japanese dudes. | ||
| And I kind of got used to their culture. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And kind of got into it. | ||
| Like, I was like, man, I'm a Japanese dude right now. | ||
| They're so serious, man. | ||
| You know, and I love how they do. | ||
| But, nope, that's not true. | ||
| But I don't mean about not joking around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I mean about, like, their energy, like, their warrior spirit. | ||
| They're so fucking driven with it, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's such an interesting culture, the culture that really appreciates the effort. | ||
| Dudes will lose and get so many fans. | ||
| Dudes will just fight like a warrior. | ||
| Go out and show heart. | ||
| In losses, you become more and more popular. | ||
| Look at Sakuraba. | ||
| It didn't matter how many times he lost. | ||
| Nobody ever gave up on him. | ||
| It's like boxing. | ||
| If De La Hoya gets knocked the fuck out two times in a row, nobody was going to go see him fight. | ||
| Everyone's going to say, hang it up, De La Hoya. | ||
| But Sakuraba, dude, it doesn't matter how many times he got his eggs scrambled. | ||
| People showed up to watch him fight again, and they cheered him like he was... | ||
| They respected him, because he's been in those Lesnar versions where he's getting his ass kicked and come back and win, you know? | ||
| I love Japan just for K1. I just love that they put on K1. Because if it wasn't for Japan, like, real high-level kickboxing, especially amongst big heavyweights and shit, there'd be nothing, man. | ||
| Where the fuck are anybody putting on shows in America? | ||
| I mean, there are Muay Thai shows and shit like that, but there's nothing televised, you know? | ||
| There's nothing where people get to see it. | ||
| Nobody, like, had that steam built like the UFC from their negative side. | ||
| Where no one had that steam built about kickboxing that anybody cared. | ||
| Kickboxing was like a stupid movie. | ||
| Amongst high-level guys, though, man, it's so fucking exciting. | ||
| The PKA, that PKA karate shit in the 80s ruined kickboxing in America. | ||
| Yeah, because everybody got the... | ||
| Bad Brad Heftin and shit, throwing flippy kicks. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a super D-level athlete doing shit in high pants. | ||
| And there's such a big difference between kickboxing above the waist and kickboxing with leg kicks. | ||
| You add those leg kicks, it changes the whole fucking game. | ||
| Well, you've got to be way stronger. | ||
| You have to be like a strong, tough dude who mentally can take it. | ||
| Because, yo, my legs are sore right now from this morning's training. | ||
| And I only took like two with shin pads on. | ||
| Did you see the Hizo Shamrock fight? | ||
| Last weekend? | ||
| Pedro Hizzo? | ||
| Ken Shamrock? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't see that. | ||
| Ken Shamrock got smashed by Pedro Hizzo. | ||
| He stood up with him. | ||
| But he finished him with a leg kick. | ||
| The final leg kick. | ||
| It is so hard to watch, man. | ||
| You watch, you just go, ah! | ||
| You could feel Pedro with those tree trunk legs. | ||
| Just the bone just slams into Ken's leg. | ||
| And he's been kicking like that for years. | ||
| For years. | ||
| The Randy Couture fight, Randy had to rehab his legs for six fucking months. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| He has like a weird vein sticking out of it from that fight. | ||
| So does Randallman from Pedro Hizzo. | ||
| Both guys from Hizzo. | ||
| Because Hizzo would chop at you so hard with such good technique and he's so fucking big. | ||
| He would jack guys' legs so bad. | ||
| They would literally never be the same again. | ||
| I'll tell you, you know, you, as a fighter, one of the rare, awesome things that I've seen in my life, like... | ||
| I just remember the first time I kicked somebody real good in their ribs, I kicked them hard with my shin bone. | ||
| It was one of the most amazing feelings because I never knew Muay Thai. | ||
| I moved to California and trained Muay Thai for real and kicked the pads real hard. | ||
| And then I remember the guy came and he threw a jab and I turned and kicked. | ||
| And when my shin went into his ribs, I could feel everything move in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Man! | |
| Almost unreal feeling in my life because I felt his body change because of what I was doing. | ||
| And I was like, man! | ||
| And he was... | ||
| After that point of the fight, he was kind of done. | ||
| Like, he was like... | ||
| And then he let me beat him up. | ||
| Because I kicked him... | ||
| I got him a good one in the ribs. | ||
| And he was done after that. | ||
| Because, you know, your body... | ||
| Your body's not meant to go that way. | ||
| Muay Thai is the way to go. | ||
| There's some kicks from Taekwondo that are really effective that guys are using now. | ||
| Like Kong Lee's bringing back the turning side kick in the 360. Taekwondo dudes in sparring would piss me off. | ||
| You learn how to kick where you're like... | ||
| It's a hard one, but it's so fast. | ||
| And it's not the same as a Muay Thai kick where you're digging through with the whole body. | ||
| There's more time to prepare. | ||
| It's faster. | ||
| Man, the guys would piss me off and just kick me across the face real quick. | ||
| The best guys are the guys who have the combination of both types of styles. | ||
| They have the ability to throw, like, Taekwondo fast kicks, side kicks, and turning side kicks. | ||
| But they also have the Muay Thai leg kicks. | ||
| And the Muay Thai defense is important, too. | ||
| You know, you've got to know how to fucking deal with those shins slamming into your arms. | ||
| Because those PKA guys, they never got kicked like that. | ||
| Very rarely did a guy get his arm broken in PKA. But in, like, K-1, LeBannon broke his arm. | ||
| I mean, Frank Shamrock got his arm broken. | ||
| Well, because you have to be aware of the leg kicks, too. | ||
| So, like, you're, like... | ||
| Worrying about, oh, this guy's going to kick me in the leg, you're right in prime range for him to kick your arm off its socket. | ||
| It's that, but it's also the shin. | ||
| Those other guys just did not understand the power of the shin. | ||
| Everybody was going instep. | ||
| I understand the power. | ||
| Yeah, but here's what. | ||
| If you take away a Muay Thai guy's leg kicks and make him fight PK, that style of above the waist... | ||
| It lends itself for, like, slap fights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't turn into, like, a real kickboxing match where you've got to worry. | ||
| There's another huge element when you add knees and you add those leg kicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, definitely. | |
| Huge, huge, huge element. | ||
| Because, you know why? | ||
| I've thought about it a lot, and I've visualized it a lot. | ||
| And I always, like, in my fights, I always feel... | ||
| Okay, this is the end of my range with my hands. | ||
| And I go, I feel them out with my legs. | ||
| I go, okay, that's the end of my range with my kicks. | ||
| And I figure that out in the first minute or two. | ||
| And I go, okay, that's where I can play. | ||
| Okay, so then, you know, with that kickboxing thing, You've got to stand so close to each other and whatnot. | ||
| You can't really get a good dig, you know? | ||
| You can't really get... | ||
| There wasn't exciting knockouts. | ||
| It was like a lot of times guys standing like Rock'em Sock'em robots just up kicking at each other. | ||
| I mean, there were some exciting fighters like Don the Dragon Wilson was really exciting at it. | ||
| I was like a little kid who watched that. | ||
| Dennis Alexio, he fought when they had leg kick style. | ||
| That was leg kick style. | ||
| There's a transition where they were trying to put leg kick fights on TV. I remember Don Wilson fought Alexio on TV. They were? | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| I don't remember, man. | ||
| It was back in the Disney sun. | ||
| But Don the Dragon Wilson fucked up Dennis Alexio with leg kicks. | ||
| That's how he won that fight. | ||
| But once you take that away, there's not a big spot where you can set up To make a hard kick to the... | ||
| Aren't you surprised, though, that someone hasn't figured out a way to do some sort of a K-1 thing in America? | ||
| I know K-1 has had a few fights in America, but how the fuck is that not on TV? Whenever that shit's on, like the K-1 Grand Prix, I get fired up, man. | ||
| Well, HDNet. | ||
| HDNet all the time. | ||
| Yeah, they put it on there, but, you know, it's one of those things that hasn't broken up into mainstream. | ||
| Thank God for Mark Cuban and that HDNet, man. | ||
| I watch more MMA because of HDNet than anything else. | ||
| That's a great network. | ||
| I'm just surprised that no one's got a kickboxing league. | ||
| I think kickboxing. | ||
| Chuck Norris's got a kickboxing league. | ||
| Shut your fucking mouth. | ||
| I went to that shit, son. | ||
| I got a hug by Chuck Norris. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| One of the proudest moments of my life, and I was so pissed, I didn't want to go back and say, can I take a picture with you and be all cheesy. | ||
| But Chuck Norris, when he met me, he reached out his hand and gave me this big, giant hug. | ||
| And he slapped me on the back. | ||
| I'm like, I'm in! | ||
| I'm in! | ||
| Do you understand me? | ||
| I just got love from Chuck Norris. | ||
| Do you remember any details from that day? | ||
| Like a certain smell? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Love. | ||
| I remember Love was in the air. | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| We were at Vegas and we were at a WCL, one of those World Kickboxing Leagues or whatever the name of it was. | ||
| It was Vegas or Atlantic City? | ||
| I think it was Vegas. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Anyway, I just went up and I said to one of the guys that was working there, I said, do you think I can meet Chuck Norris? | ||
| And the guy goes, yeah. | ||
| I'm like, fuck. | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| Come on, man! | ||
| And he just brought me over to Chuck Norris, and I was just going to say, sir, I'm a huge fan. | ||
| Very nice to meet you. | ||
| But Chuck Norris fucking opens his arms, gives me this big, giant smile, and says, Joe! | ||
| What's going on, man? | ||
| He gives me this big hug. | ||
| Joe Rogan is so awesome. | ||
| He got a hug from Chuck Norris and lived to tell the tale. | ||
| It is beard scratching cheeks. | ||
| I wish it did. | ||
| Dude, I was... | ||
| For real, man, as a kid, I was a huge fucking Chuck Norris fan. | ||
| Enter the Dragon, that fight with Bruce Lee, all the fucking missing in action movies. | ||
| I mean, as dumb as they were. | ||
| Delta Force? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Lone Wolf? | ||
| That was the shit, son. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| With a little David Carradine. | ||
| Extra points. | ||
| Dude, Chuck Norris was the fucking man. | ||
| So for me, to have Chuck Norris recognize me and give me his big hug and call me by name, I was like, oh, shit. | ||
| It's like the best birthday present ever. | ||
| The game has changed. | ||
| Morpheus. | ||
| What? | ||
| No? | ||
| You don't want to do audio? | ||
| Oh, that would be fun. | ||
| Brian, I don't want to talk about that. | ||
| I don't know what you guys are talking about. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I don't want to give him fuel. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I see you, baby. | ||
| Shaking that ass. | ||
| Shaking that ass. | ||
| Your dog's giving up on trying to kill the cat. | ||
| Yeah, he's good. | ||
| He just wants to kick it. | ||
| He was ready to fucking engage. | ||
| Yo, man. | ||
| Yo, he hates squirrels, birds, and cats. | ||
| He will fuck some shit up. | ||
| If he can get a hold of it, he'll run. | ||
| I've seen him run into a busy ass. | ||
| On Fairfax and Third, he ran out into the street after a bird. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| What do you think about Strikeforce? | ||
| Do you like working for them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So cool, so good. | |
| Everyone's cool with you? | ||
| Yeah, you know, I feel like they just have some certain problems that will be fixed as time goes on. | ||
| Do you think if it wasn't for this battle with the Diaz brothers, this thing in post-fight thing with Gilbert Melendez and anything, do you think you would be challenging for the title right now? | ||
| Because Jake just abandoned it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I mean, you had the toughest fight with him. | ||
| Your fight with him was way tougher than Henderson's fight with him. | ||
| It looks, you know... | ||
| I guess, you know what, I shouldn't say that. | ||
| That's not really fair. | ||
| Because Dan came really close to putting him out in the first round. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he did. | |
| Same thing. | ||
| Dan came closer to putting him out, really. | ||
| But Jake is such a damn good fighter, he like... | ||
| Jake's tough as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, he went, fuck it, I'm just gonna keep going. | ||
| But from that point on, it was a rout. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it wasn't close. | ||
| I was like, damn. | ||
| It seemed like Dan was having a hard time making weight. | ||
| It didn't seem like the normal Dan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I think 85 is hard for him, man. | ||
| He looked kind of run down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dan's a thick dude. | ||
| I think him making 85. Hell no. | ||
| I disagree with you. | ||
| I know this because I train with Dan. | ||
| He walks around like 197. But he doesn't like cutting that weight, man. | ||
| Well, of course, because, dude, he's fucking 40 years old. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm saying at that age. | ||
| You know, you get over it. | ||
| I'm sure you get over it. | ||
| You know, he's been making weight since he was what? | ||
| Brian, what was that? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| He's like eight years old or something. | ||
| I know, but when you get to be 40, that's really hard to do. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| But Dan, if he catches you with that fucking right hand, god damn you got problems. | ||
| We all know that. | ||
| That dude's got one missile, man. | ||
| He knocked out Vanderlei with his left. | ||
| Oh, he's got a strong core, and when he twists, Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's super hard punch. | ||
| Yeah, you got fucking problems, you know? | ||
| I mean, he's not like, you know, a Masato technique striker. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But goddamn, he's got haymakers. | ||
| But, you know, yeah, maybe I kind of gave Strikeforce a black eye. | ||
| You know, I brought some attention to us, but I gave Strikeforce a black eye a little bit by causing that whole drama. | ||
| But did you cause it? | ||
| You didn't want to start a fight. | ||
| I didn't want to start a fight, of course. | ||
| I wanted to go in there and ask You wanted to hype up a rematch and everybody's on CBS? Let's make some money. | ||
| Let's get everybody fired up and enthusiastic about this and everybody wins. | ||
| It's not like you were going in there with an angry, mean face on, looking to fight them right now and there. | ||
| What it was was, it's like, I don't know, does CBS not get it? | ||
| Everybody was mad at me. | ||
| And I'm like, guys, what happened? | ||
| Negative here. | ||
| I got jumped on. | ||
| I didn't get hurt. | ||
| I totally did not understand why you were getting all the blame for that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| The people who should have got the blame were the people who let you in. | ||
| No one should have let you in. | ||
| That was an oversight. | ||
| They know that now. | ||
| It'll never happen again. | ||
| That's what running a business is all about. | ||
| No one's perfect. | ||
| But once that's said, what it was was there was too many fucking people in the octagon. | ||
| There was you who was an unwanted person in the octagon, and you were interfering with someone who was getting their glory. | ||
| The whole thing was just badly run. | ||
| It was chaos. | ||
| You get a bunch of fucking dogs together, okay? | ||
| And dogs start growling, and shit happens. | ||
| You can't get mad at the dogs. | ||
| You just can't. | ||
| Look, I think those guys shouldn't have done that, but fuck, man. | ||
| Emotions run high after victories. | ||
| Things happen. | ||
| People get crazy. | ||
| And what's the worst that happened? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mayhem got jumped on TV. Yeah, you got fucking kicked in the head while you were on the ground. | |
| I got fined for it and it's suspended. | ||
| How long did they suspend you for? | ||
| Three months. | ||
| Three months. | ||
| But if I would have argued with it, it would have been like nine months. | ||
| You can't win. | ||
| You can't win, I know. | ||
| Because if you win, it sets a precedent. | ||
| I know, yeah. | ||
| When is the last time anybody ever tried to get a fight overturned or protested something, ever, and it came through? | ||
| Any steroid tests, anything? | ||
| And it worked? | ||
| No, it didn't. | ||
| It never works. | ||
| Yeah, Benji Radek protested the Scott Smith fight, wasn't it? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he thought it would stop too soon. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| People fuck up, and it's a terrible thing that people fuck up, but once they fuck up, it's very rare that anyone's going to go. | ||
| I just like to look straight into the future with a positive mindset, and usually it works out for me. | ||
| So who do they have lined up for you in October? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| We're trying to put Nick Diaz together. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Goodness. | ||
| Yeah, a little grudge match. | ||
| So guess what? | ||
| I started a grudge match, and it ended up, now they're going to use it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, okay, now we got a grudge match. | ||
| Well, that would be a hyped-up fight. | ||
| Damn right. | ||
| So that would be in October? | ||
| Do you know where it's going to be at? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| I don't know anything. | ||
| I don't know if it's happening yet, but I like to rub my mouth off and hopefully make it happen. | ||
| Are you bummed out that you don't fight for the UFC? No. | ||
| No? | ||
| You're fine with Strikeforce? | ||
| No, I got a good deal and whatever. | ||
| And cool, yeah, the UFC is the biggest show in town, and I understand that. | ||
| But when you see Chael Sonnen challenging Anderson for the title, you look at that shit and say, God damn it, that could be me. | ||
| I wish, yeah. | ||
| I wish I could fight Anderson. | ||
| It's like one of those things, like right now at this stage of my career, cool. | ||
| If something gets worked out where I could work with them in the future, okay, cool. | ||
| But, you know, right now I have a contract and, you know, I'm generally pretty happy and, you know, whatever. | ||
| How cool are you with Dana? | ||
| Are you and Dana cool? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know about it. | ||
| She doesn't say hi to me. | ||
| So I'm like, oh, well, damn. | ||
| They didn't say hi to me. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| Do you think he thinks you're crazy, Mamby? | ||
| Yeah, I think he thinks I'm crazy. | ||
| And I don't blame him because my actions are crazy. | ||
| I'm crazy, but I'm pretty controlled. | ||
| And if I can get on the same page as somebody, we can be crazy. | ||
| I'll be the crazy guy, and you make some money. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| We'll both make money. | ||
| How long do you think Billy B-Town is going to go on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Man. | |
| Way too long. | ||
| I think I'll be old man forever. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| It's a juggernaut. | ||
| God. | ||
| I thought it wasn't, and then I did the third season. | ||
| I recorded it all, and it'll be released. | ||
| Do you know how crazy it would be if you were on Bully Beatdown and on The Ultimate Fighter at the same time? | ||
| Bro, I already have too much TVA time as it is right now. | ||
| You can't take it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I don't mind. | |
| I don't mind. | ||
| But what I'm saying is, I don't know. | ||
| People might get sick of mayhem. | ||
| No one's going to get sick of you, Mayhem. | ||
| Don't worry about that, fella. | ||
| We're here for you. | ||
| Just take a little bit less B12. What is it about the B12? It gives you energy. | ||
| You think you're taking too much B12? I'm good. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'm dating this girl. | ||
| Niacin fucking freaks me out, man. | ||
| Oh, man, you burned your whole body. | ||
| Man, you know what? | ||
| I got used to it now, and I like it. | ||
| I like it a little bit, too. | ||
| Like it's burning my whole body, but I like it. | ||
| I'm dating this girl who got me all the vitamins and whatnot, and man, I'm like, this is the best thing that happened to me. | ||
| That's very important, man. | ||
| Supplements, it's amazing to think that you never took them. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I just started taking supplements like this year. | ||
| I never took supplements. | ||
| I was just like, whatever. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's stupid what it is. | ||
| Yeah, you need some supplements, son. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't think that it was that important, but man, I feel it. | ||
| I'm Market difference. | ||
| Well, you know, what it is is it's marketed if you listen to people like doctors who tell you all you need is a multivitamin. | ||
| All that stuff is nonsense. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| It's because it's not FDA approved. | ||
| Oh, it's not approved. | ||
| Well, it doesn't mean just because it's not approved doesn't mean it doesn't work. | ||
| There's a lot of anecdotal evidence from people that are taking it that are having pretty positive results. | ||
| There's like nootropics that I take that make your brain work better. | ||
| There's a whole bunch of different... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Give me some of that. | ||
| Yeah, I got some. | ||
| I'll write you down a list of all the different shit. | ||
| Resveratrol. | ||
| Resveratrol. | ||
| Well, that's an excellent antioxidant, but there's a bunch of different things that are designed. | ||
| Look up nootropics. | ||
| Designed just to increase cerebral activity. | ||
| You're talking about that, and I think that we live in a culture where... | ||
| It's not about living better, really. | ||
| It's about just living above the death line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nobody wants to really think about it. | |
| Yeah, nobody wants to be feeling fantastic. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, you know, I had a conversation with you once. | ||
| No, feeling fantastic is bad and wrong. | ||
| That's why you're not allowed to smoke pot anywhere but California. | ||
| Well, there's that. | ||
| You know, how about men... | ||
| How much does it drive you crazy when dudes who don't work out will talk shit on exercise and the importance of keeping your body healthy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just that ignorant view where a lot of people are ignorant and then they take pride in their ignorance. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, dude, when your body works better, your brain feels better. | ||
| It all works better. | ||
| The whole thing flows better. | ||
| So true. | ||
| But nobody wants to admit that that's their issue. | ||
| Nobody wants to admit that... | ||
| Their lack of exercise and everything. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I don't need. | ||
| Nobody needs to work out. | ||
| I don't want to. | ||
| Comics are fucking famous for that kind of shit. | ||
| Comics are always bitching and whining and they just want to sleep till three and don't do anything. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| That shit is so important for you, man. | ||
| Well, I just think that people in general, it's easier to be lazy and then bitch about it because that's funny and you get positive reinforcement from people laughing at that. | ||
| Like, oh yeah, I hate working out too. | ||
| Yeah, there's a little bit of that. | ||
| Misery loves company. | ||
| But I had a conversation with a dude once where he was talking about what's the point in exercising? | ||
| What's the point in working out? | ||
| I go, alright, if I could give you a pill and this pill would give you a super powerful body, like ridiculous, much more powerful than a normal person. | ||
| You could literally take the normal man and strangle him at will. | ||
| You could take him, manhandle him, treat him like a girl and choke him to death. | ||
| If I give you a pill that would give you that, wouldn't you take it? | ||
| Wouldn't you want to have that power? | ||
| I mean, wouldn't you want to have this superpower? | ||
| I'd give you a pill and it turns you into an assassin. | ||
| And I'm like, well, you can have that, stupid. | ||
| All you have to do is work out. | ||
| If you train and you do some kettlebells... | ||
| It's way different than a pill. | ||
| When were you working as a salesman at 24 Hour Fitness? | ||
| I don't understand that. | ||
| Legends. | ||
| Legends in Hollywood. | ||
| They've got me on the 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu affiliation program. | ||
| I'm trying to sign people up. | ||
| You enjoy working out, though, where a lot of people don't enjoy working out. | ||
| You know what I enjoy? | ||
| I enjoy Jiu-Jitsu because Jiu-Jitsu to me is an awesome distraction. | ||
| I've got so much going on in my life. | ||
| When I get into jiu-jitsu and I'm rolling with some dude and we are just trying to kill each other. | ||
| I'm trying to choke him. | ||
| He's trying to choke me. | ||
| We are battling. | ||
| We're pacing ourselves. | ||
| I know what this motherfucker's doing. | ||
| He keeps going for the deep half sweep. | ||
| I gotta keep that underhook. | ||
| I gotta stop him. | ||
| There's like this battle going on. | ||
| And when that battle's going on, man, I don't think about shit else. | ||
| I'm not thinking about I need to clean my office. | ||
| I'm not thinking about I need to call that dude about this thing. | ||
| I need to get my shit together and write this new material. | ||
| No, I'm just doing jujitsu. | ||
| I'm in that zone because it's so difficult to do. | ||
| It puts you in the zone. | ||
| And it's like a fun fucking game. | ||
| Yeah, while we're on it, you need to clean your office, bro. | ||
| A little bit, right? | ||
| Yeah, if you only had the passion with cleaning. | ||
| I like the clean! | ||
| I like the vacuum! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love Windex! | |
| Pinesaw! | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| That's a new show, dude. | ||
| The fucking aggro cleaning guy. | ||
| I fucking love shit cleaning! | ||
| Hey, you're telling me that Mr. Clean's not on juice? | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| He lost all his hair. | ||
| He's jacked. | ||
| He looks like Christoph Suszynski. | ||
| He does. | ||
| He does, right? | ||
| With no tattoos. | ||
| With no tattoos. | ||
| He's all swollen shit. | ||
| Christoph is a fucking sculpted specimen. | ||
| Yeah, he is, right? | ||
| How the hell do you look like that? | ||
| Goddamn specimen. | ||
| Specimen! | ||
| Cool motherfucker, too. | ||
| Him and his girl. | ||
| Hung out with them in England. | ||
| Cool shit. | ||
| Cool, man. | ||
| Christoph was on The Ultimate Fighter, for people who don't know. | ||
| Super nice guy. | ||
| That's the thing about MMA that people don't realize is how many nice people there are that are involved in it. | ||
| And in martial arts in general. | ||
| Like some of the nicest people I know are dudes that have fought and dudes that train because you have like a better control of your ego. | ||
| You're like, you know, you're used to getting your ass kicked. | ||
| You're used to finding out your real boundaries by breaking yourself down, you know, by getting to the point where, you know, you literally can't fucking breathe. | ||
| You literally are in class and when everyone says time and you drop to your back, you know, you literally, you're broken. | ||
| Whereas other people, they hardly ever experience that. | ||
| They don't experience the boundaries of their drive, the boundaries of their discipline. | ||
| So the people that I've met that are fighters, some of the coolest fucking people you ever meet in your life, they have to show their ass to the world, man. | ||
| It's definitely a, you gotta drop, you gotta, whoever you are comes out in the cage. | ||
| Like, you have to really be yourself for a second, and you have to deal with the pain, and you're like, oh my god, I don't want to be a bitch, and dad, you never loved me, and shit like that goes through your head, you know? | ||
| Like, it's not, you know, you have to confront these real fears and real, you have to confront everything. | ||
| And I say all of you guys out there in cyberspace, be a cage fighter. | ||
| Just for a day. | ||
| And there's growth in that. | ||
| There's growth in that confrontation. | ||
| You know, when you understand your boundaries and you hit them, you know, you get to know yourself better. | ||
| You get to know yourself better than the average dude who doesn't do shit with his body. | ||
| There's something about doing something really difficult willpower-wise with your body, like training, especially training in jiu-jitsu and shit. | ||
| There's battles, man. | ||
| Sometimes a guy's got your back, and you're defending, and you know you can just tap out, and this is going to be over. | ||
| But the other side of your brain is going, no, we're going to gut this out as long as we possibly can. | ||
| And there's that fence that you're dancing on where you're like, let me just tap right here. | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| But it's so uncomfortable and so difficult to get through. | ||
| But your willpower allows you to survive. | ||
| And then you get through it and you're like, motherfucker, I got through that. | ||
| I thought I was gone. | ||
| I thought I was gone. | ||
| And now I'm on top. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| And now I'm passing. | ||
| You know, it's like this overcoming of adversity. | ||
| A lot of people never experience that, especially, like, physically, where your mind has to control your body through some uncomfort, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I guess you could get the same effect from, like, I don't know, run a marathon or do something. | ||
| Anything physically where you have to push your body. | ||
| The mind and the willpower have to control the body. | ||
| I think it's much more difficult when you're doing it in a competition like MMA or anything like boxing or jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Anything where a dude is trying to kill you. | ||
| Then it's much more difficult. | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| But shit, man. | ||
| Think about the kind of willpower that's involved in a tour de France. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Those guys are just pedaling. | ||
| Just pumping their legs. | ||
| Just doing the same movement. | ||
| Discipline. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| When I look at Lance Armstrong, I go, that must be the most boring, intense motherfucker alive. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Because he does some boring-ass shit. | ||
| He's just pedaling. | ||
| I mean, it's not boring. | ||
| I mean, obviously, they're racing, and it's awesome countryside and shit, and there's all this attention and all this energy, but... | ||
| They're doing the same thing for days. | ||
| That shit takes days. | ||
| It's like, who's the most boring, intense motherfucker on earth? | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| Everybody get together. | ||
| Get on a bike. | ||
| Let's have the same thing for accounting or something. | ||
| Let's have the fucking accounting Olympics. | ||
| The guy's just adding fucking bills up for fucking six days straight. | ||
| Yeah, there's something about that, like sheer tests of discipline that are so uncomfortable for me. | ||
| You know, I have, you know, because as a fighter, I have, like, you know, some serious discipline to get inside the room and fight with other guys for, you know, at least an hour. | ||
| Like, I'm doing that for at least an hour a day, and pretty much my entire life I've done that. | ||
| The other side, I can't fill out a fucking form without getting distracted. | ||
| I'm sitting there, house application was the funniest thing I've ever done because I'm sitting there like, motherfucker, if you put one more paper in my face, I'm going to slap your fucking notary public face off. | ||
| I'm like, God, it's like all day just sitting there. | ||
| I hated it. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Yeah, it's a different mindset, I guess. | ||
| It's a different kind of discipline. | ||
| When I look at a lawyer or whatever, I'm like, wow, you fucking look at papers and read shit all day. | ||
| Dude, I am the exact same way. | ||
| I'm a retard when it comes to filling out forms and shit. | ||
| And I get onto page 10, I feel like someone's hitting me. | ||
| Someone's drowning me. | ||
| Like, stop, this is boring. | ||
| And I think what it is, is you don't want to... | ||
| You don't want to put your brain on that low an RPM where you're just reading this and reading that and making sure this is okay and making sure that's okay. | ||
| Tell that to every teacher that I fucking have worked with. | ||
| Square pegs and round holes, man. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| The big fucking problem with teachers is they're trying to turn everybody into a robot that assumes a job out there in the world. | ||
| And there's people with unique personalities that could be artists, and no one recognizes that. | ||
| Whether it's a martial artist or a fucking singer or a comedian, no one looks at that as a viable path for a job. | ||
| So teachers want you to be able to get a job. | ||
| They want you to do what it takes to get a job at some company and move on. | ||
| Well, let's be honest. | ||
| Most people, that's what they're going to do. | ||
| Yeah, that's what you have to do. | ||
| You can't cater... | ||
| You can't cater most schoolwork to anyone who's an artist, but there should be some way to recognize when someone's unusual. | ||
| There should be some way to recognize. | ||
| And part of it is that the kids don't have any discipline, and that's why they're fucking going squirrely, and that's why they can't read, and it's probably their home life. | ||
| But you're not going to fix that, okay? | ||
| You could try to square out that fucking round peg and shove them into that hole, but you're only going to get so far. | ||
| But then you're trying to say, okay, let's take all the wacky kids and put them in a special class. | ||
| Take all these kids who are definitely going to be construction workers, put them in this class. | ||
| No, I don't think that. | ||
| I think there should be other opportunities. | ||
| Some people don't want to be comedians. | ||
| Some people don't want to be singers. | ||
| But there should be some sort of an avenue that you find is interesting. | ||
| And you can go towards it in school. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| But there's no viable option for class clowns, no viable options for disruptive kids. | ||
| But disruptive kids have something. | ||
| There's something there. | ||
| First of all, it's a terrible thing. | ||
| It's undisciplined. | ||
| It fucks up the school for the rest of kids. | ||
| And it's because one kid is imbalanced because one kid probably didn't get enough attention at home or one kid had an abusive family. | ||
| And this is the way he learned how to get attention by lashing out and focusing attention on himself. | ||
| That said, you've got a kid who's willing to do some crazy shit that other kids aren't willing to do now. | ||
| Okay, so you're not going to fix them. | ||
| You can teach him about the consequences of him doing that and how he's fucking it up for everybody else and that creates bad energy and this is where we're going to focus your energy but you're not going to take away that energy. | ||
| That crazy energy that some people have, it just needs to be focused. | ||
| Yeah, that was me, man. | ||
| I was the kid in high school that was like... | ||
| If you just applied yourself, Jason, if you just... | ||
| Well, I did. | ||
| I heard that so many times. | ||
| Completely different direction. | ||
| I did fighting. | ||
| I started writing. | ||
| But that's what people don't understand. | ||
| You apply yourself in that way. | ||
| Somehow or another, that's not valid. | ||
| Like, because, you know, some... | ||
| No, it doesn't fall into the archetype. | ||
| Yeah, for me it was art. | ||
| I used to draw a lot and martial arts. | ||
| So those were the two things. | ||
| And neither one of them seemed like any sort of a viable career option. | ||
| There was no money in martial arts unless you were running a school. | ||
| You didn't think of animation being a cartoonist? | ||
| Because that's what I thought. | ||
| Either a cartoonist or doing radio. | ||
| So the whole time I'm going to school, I'm like, you know what? | ||
| I don't fucking care about math history. | ||
| I'm just going to sleep because I don't care about any of this. | ||
| I'm never going to use it. | ||
| I kind of knew that the whole time. | ||
| I don't think I ever thought about animation. | ||
| No. | ||
| Why'd you think about animation? | ||
| Because I was like a huge Disney fan, cartoon fan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Me, I was more comic books. | ||
| I loved comic books. | ||
| Yeah, comic books too. | ||
| That's how I got into it. | ||
| Yeah, I definitely had aspirations to be a comic book artist. | ||
| We talked about this on one of the earlier podcasts, but I just had a really douchey art teacher in high school, and he had me convinced that I was going to have to draw like diaper ads and shit. | ||
| And that things were going to be boring. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Damn, you got something. | ||
| Bad teachers. | ||
| So many people have bad teachers. | ||
| I mean, he wasn't a bad teacher. | ||
| He's just bad socially. | ||
| He was a beaten man with no spine. | ||
| He had a weak will, and he didn't like being around me. | ||
| I was this martial arts fighter, this kid who was fighting in Taekwondo tournaments. | ||
| I always had Taekwondo championship t-shirts on and shit. | ||
| I was so proud that I won all these Taekwondo tournaments, so I would wear Taekwondo shit everywhere. | ||
| Because that was the first thing I was ever any good at. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| In high school, I knew that kid. | ||
| He was the karate champion. | ||
| Bro, I begged that kid. | ||
| When I was like 16, I begged him to spar. | ||
| Hey man, can we spar? | ||
| And I didn't realize that I was scaring him. | ||
| Because I was like, yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, we're going to fight. | ||
| You can kick me and use your karate. | ||
| And I know how to wrestle. | ||
| I'm going to try to fight you. | ||
| And then we'll see who wins. | ||
| And I'm telling this to this kid who's sitting there like... | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| I found out the future of MMA when I was 15 years old. | ||
| When I was a sophomore in high school. | ||
| Actually, I think I was 14. My friend Steven Artauino was on the wrestling team. | ||
| He was a good wrestler. | ||
| And I wasn't wrestling. | ||
| I was just doing Taekwondo. | ||
| We were really good friends. | ||
| We were always talking about, like, you know, like, if you fight, I'll just fucking take you down and punch you in the face. | ||
| I'd be like, bitch, you can't take me down. | ||
| I got fast feet! | ||
| We went out in the grass, and this motherfucker took me down over and over again. | ||
| It was so sad. | ||
| Because it was so easy for him to take me down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I had no wrestling at all. | ||
| I had no... | ||
| I had never even thought about wrestling someone except, like, fucking around with my friends. | ||
| And he just would fucking stand in front of me, put his hand in my face, shoot a double, bang! | ||
| I'd be on my back. | ||
| You kept trying to kick him and stuff? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was just me stopping... | ||
| We were friends. | ||
| It was just me stopping him from taking me down. | ||
| I had no chance. | ||
| You know how I got into mixed martial arts, right? | ||
| My fat, chubby friend named Pierre... | ||
| Showed me the UFC, the early ones, with the fucking headbutts and everything. | ||
| And showed me, like, Valetudo Brazil. | ||
| And he showed me the newer UFCs at the time. | ||
| It was, I don't know, 95 or 96. He showed me those. | ||
| And, like, Marco Huas versus Paul Marlins. | ||
| And I was like, yeah. | ||
| First time we ever saw leg kicks. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| So I was like, man. | ||
| I was like, oh, I could do this. | ||
| And he's like, do you want to spar me? | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| You mean fight in the backyard? | ||
| And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We'll spar. | ||
| We'll wear protection. | ||
| Was this guy a martial artist? | ||
| I'm going to kill you. | ||
| I'm like, I fought. | ||
| You know Bubba? | ||
| I beat Bubba's ass in the front yard. | ||
| This giant, fat, black kid. | ||
| He's like 300 pounds. | ||
| He's like the scariest dude. | ||
| I beat the shit out of him because I knew how to fight. | ||
| I would always spar around with my dad. | ||
| So I knew how to box and stuff and whatever. | ||
| We go out in the backyard. | ||
| I had this breakdancing mat that I had. | ||
| We laid that down on top of the grass so we had some padding because I knew I was going to fuck him off. | ||
| Man, we squared off in our hockey chest protectors. | ||
| He fucking spin kicked me in my bread basket. | ||
| I was like, ooh! | ||
| I've never been kicked like that. | ||
| I was like, oh my god! | ||
| So I went to the Miller standby. | ||
| And it's the move I always did. | ||
| My dad taught me it. | ||
| It worked all the time. | ||
| One, two. | ||
| And if that doesn't knock him down on the ground... | ||
| You grab his head, which I did, and threw him down on the ground. | ||
| I did that, and started fucking wailing on him. | ||
| I was like, I'm winning. | ||
| I'm winning. | ||
| He starts wiggling around and shit, and the next thing I know, he locked me up, and I'm fucking waking up in my backyard, looking at the trees, like, quietly. | ||
| And he's looking down at me, and I'm like, oh my god! | ||
| He's like, wow, that was a triangle choke. | ||
| I learned that in Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| That was the first time I ever did that to somebody. | ||
| I'm like, fuck! | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| I gotta learn this shit! | ||
| He's tiny! | ||
| He beat my ass! | ||
| So you guys just decided to fight your friends? | ||
| Yeah, my dad was looking out the window laughing at me like, you fucking idiot! | ||
| I'm like, man, I was sleeping, you know? | ||
| I was like, I never knew that there was some magical shit. | ||
| Once we're on the ground, I just figured it's like I wrestled a little bit in high school. | ||
| And I figured, you know, until I realized you have to wear those tight-ass pants, then I quit. | ||
| And then I was like, wow! | ||
| He just... | ||
| He beat me. | ||
| He was on his back. | ||
| I was winning. | ||
| I was winning. | ||
| And I saw that on... | ||
| I saw Hoyt's Gracie do it, but I was like, yeah, right. | ||
| It's just because he's wearing his stupid pajamas. | ||
| It's such a fun thing to be able to do to people. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You don't realize how powerful Jiu-Jitsu is. | ||
| Oh, you don't know how crazy wrestling is. | ||
| When you get in a nightclub altercation, and you, like, push somebody off balance, like, oh my god. | ||
| They've got... | ||
| They look like Bambi on the ice. | ||
| Their feet are all slipping. | ||
| Especially if they have, like, leather shoes on. | ||
| Aw, man, you're on the floor. | ||
| Those leather shoes are so ridiculous. | ||
| Like, wearing leather shoes is just going out, like, in handcuffs. | ||
| I wear, like, pro wrestling boots when I go out to the club. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| Pro-wrestling all day. | ||
| At least up to the knee. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For real? | |
| No. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| You wear pro-wrestling shoes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| I call them pro-wrestling boots because, dude, they're called jump. | ||
| But you weren't... | ||
| No, they're tennis shoes, but they look like classy-ass shoes, and then they lace up to, like, super high. | ||
| Chicks love them. | ||
| When I was young, I was so stupid. | ||
| Every time I bought a pair of pants, I would have to make sure that I could kick somebody in the head with my pants on. | ||
| I would, like, practice Taekwondo kicks with my fucking pants on just to make sure if some shit goes down... | ||
| I'm going to make sure I can get there. | ||
| No, you know my old man. | ||
| He was in the Army for years, 20 years, stuff like that. | ||
| And he was like a legit motherfucker, like went to war and killed people, whatever. | ||
| He's like kind of bad. | ||
| He's an old fucking fat bastard now. | ||
| But he went to Korea to, I don't know, whatever, training or whatever. | ||
| And he had to post up at the Korean border. | ||
| They do that over there. | ||
| He's there. | ||
| He tells me when he comes back. | ||
| And I'm like 11. | ||
| He's telling me this story. | ||
| man, boy, I was in a bar out there. | ||
| This little Chinese guy. | ||
| I'm like, Dad, you're in Korea. | ||
| This little Chinese guy got into it with me, kicked me in the fucking face. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| He fell down? | ||
| He's like, no! | ||
| He kicked me in the face. | ||
| He bought me a Taekwondo uniform. | ||
| I was like, you need to practice this. | ||
| And I was like, I don't know, like 10. And I went to Taekwondo because of that stuff. | ||
| Sorry, my dad got kicked in the face by a Taekwondo guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I can imagine your dad looking out the window laughing while you're unconscious. | ||
| Over the sink. | ||
| Over the sink. | ||
| And he's laughing at me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha, ha, ha, ha. | |
| And I'm like, damn. | ||
| But you need a dad like that to become a Jason Mayhem Miller. | ||
| A regular dad is not going to make a guy like you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I know. | ||
| It's not possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| I remember the Brazilians, when I was doing tournaments all the time, when I was real young, 18, 19, the Brazilians got a crazy story of me because I would always tell these stories where me and my dad would fight and whatever, and we'd get into it, or we'd spar around, and it would start off as a joke, and then it would get real, like we'd fucking really fight. | ||
| And I would tell those stories to the Brazilians, and then it got a story like, man, I heard that Jason Miller... | ||
| His dad would hit him with beer bottles to make him tougher. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| The most American Indian-sounding Brazilian accent ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| You sound like fucking Tonto and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard one time, eagles came from north. | |
| My bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Flew with breeze. | |
| My accent sucks, but you get the point. | ||
| The guy was like, yeah, everybody thought that my dad beat the shit out of me. | ||
| He did, but it was a lot of times. | ||
| I remember we were getting into it in the kitchen, and I was fucking fighting with him, and then he grabbed me around, and he was like, We didn't call a rare nigga choke. | ||
| It was a sleeper hold. | ||
| He got me in a sleeper hold, and I was choking, and I wouldn't quit. | ||
| He's like, boy, tap out. | ||
| Boy, tap out. | ||
| And I was like, I don't know, 14, 15? | ||
| And I was like, he's choking me and choking me, and I was like, fuck that. | ||
| I'm not going to tap out. | ||
| And I just remember, finally he let me go, because he's like, ah, that's enough. | ||
| But it was too late. | ||
| I remember reaching for the refrigerator handle and then waking up in condiments. | ||
| Like, he put me out. | ||
| I was, like, covered in, like, the fucking mayonnaise and shit, mustard. | ||
| And he's laughing. | ||
| And my mom's like, what are you doing? | ||
| And I'm like, Dad took me out. | ||
| And he was laughing? | ||
| Was this an actual fight fight? | ||
| Or was this, like, just playing? | ||
| We were playing. | ||
| But listen, man, in redneck culture, you have to understand that there's a line that's drawn, like, You're playing, and then you're not really playing anymore, and then it comes from one step from somebody biting somebody or something like that. | ||
| That's how people get shot. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And I can understand that. | ||
| I'm proud. | ||
| I'm proud that I came from such a strange background. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I'm a professional fighter. | ||
| I'm not a goddamn kid. | ||
| Kindergarten teacher? | ||
| One time my dad threw a Jolly Rancher at me and hit me in the eye. | ||
| God, you're homosexual. | ||
| Did you eat it? | ||
| No, it hurt. | ||
| Did you cry? | ||
| No, I didn't cry. | ||
| Eat it while you're crying? | ||
| It stung. | ||
| Just look him in the eyes and eat it while tears roll down your face. | ||
| What did you do to get a Jolly Rancher to the eyepiece? | ||
| It stung. | ||
| He totally overthrew it and hit me right in the eye. | ||
| Wait, he was throwing it to you? | ||
| Oh, God, his story's even worse. | ||
| There's no even abuse in this story. | ||
| No, his dad's got a hard underhand, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It hurt. | |
| It stung. | ||
| It stung. | ||
| Vicious wrist action. | ||
| He played softball in college, right? | ||
| He was underhand as a motherfucker. | ||
| You ever see those chicks that throw a wicked softball underhand? | ||
| You ever see the rubber band thing that makes them throw harder? | ||
| Sick. | ||
| Yeah, I saw it on late night TV. Yeah, always. | ||
| Why are softball players watching ESPN at midnight? | ||
| How fast can they throw that underhand? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Probably like 60 miles an hour. | ||
| But the thing is, they could do it all day. | ||
| It's like a way more natural movement than like a regular pitcher. | ||
| Like a pitcher, that shit blows your shoulder out. | ||
| But this shit doesn't blow your shoulder out at all. | ||
| I don't know if it's that they're throwing it harder. | ||
| I think it's the mechanism of moving your arm that way. | ||
| Are you saying that there will be some kid from Little League up who's been taught underhand? | ||
| And think about this. | ||
| With a big juiced out arm, he could throw that shit super hard. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| I wonder because it doesn't seem like girls can do that shit all day and it doesn't blow their arm out. | ||
| But I think there's something about throwing like that. | ||
| I think you can get more velocity. | ||
| Especially naturally. | ||
| But I think it blows your shoulder up. | ||
| I have like flexible tendons and shit. | ||
| Like a real flexible. | ||
| When I throw a fucking baseball, my arm feels like it's going to blow out of its socket. | ||
| My dad, the same thing. | ||
| He got out of ranger school. | ||
| He didn't make it through ranger school. | ||
| He couldn't throw the fucking grenade right. | ||
| Same shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| With a bad shoulder. | ||
| And when he talks about flexible tendons, you could see that shit online. | ||
| If you watch his fight, was it Super Raw or Icon? | ||
| All my fights, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All my fights. | |
| With Egan. | ||
| Egan Inouye. | ||
| He twisted my arm backwards. | ||
| I was like, oh my god, he's going to break it off. | ||
| And I just toughed it out. | ||
| And then I got up. | ||
| And I was like, oh, it's good. | ||
| And I just went and bashed the guy with that same hand that he was twisting. | ||
| It's the most ridiculous Kimura defense ever, if you've ever seen it. | ||
| You rolled, like, how many times did you roll? | ||
| Oh, man, so many. | ||
| I was like, I didn't even know how I was rolling. | ||
| Egan Inouye, who's this badass jiu-jitsu black belt, bad motherfucker, yoked-ish fuck. | ||
| Yeah, he was legendary. | ||
| When I was fighting him, I was like, damn, this guy's a legend. | ||
| You fought him in Hawaii, too. | ||
| Yeah, where they hated me. | ||
| They were, like, telling me to die how he died. | ||
| I was like, oh... | ||
| But dude, you know, Hawaii is a crazy-ass place. | ||
| Also one of the most peaceful people ever. | ||
| Hawaiians? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hawaiians are all just all about love and peace. | ||
| They're like hippies that live in their own island. | ||
| Hawaiians beat the fuck out of each other. | ||
| They do in movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| There's videos in real life. | ||
| There's definitely parts of people, but the Hawaiian community as a whole, I think, Well, people are friendly, but that doesn't mean that they don't beat the fuck out of each other. | ||
| Yeah, well, there's people beating the crap out of, you know, everyone. | ||
| No, no, no, but what I'm saying is people in Hawaii are notorious for wanting to fight. | ||
| It's like a part of their culture. | ||
| If you go online, there's all these backyard fights. | ||
| Hawaiian backyard fights, dude, there's so many of them. | ||
| There's thousands of them. | ||
| Beach fights and backyard fights where dudes meet after school, kids meet after school, and they just have MMA fights, bare knuckle, they just duke it out on the grass. | ||
| In Hawaii, it's super common. | ||
| Would you say that if you talk to most people, like, how was your trip to Hawaii? | ||
| Yeah, but you're going to the resort, and it's tourism. | ||
| I'll tell you a story about that. | ||
| The first time I fought in Super Brawl, here's a perfect example. | ||
| The first time I fought in Super Brawl, I got cut above the eye, and I was walking around Waikiki, and some kid was like, Hey, man, you that guy, huh? | ||
| From Super Brawl, huh? | ||
| And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What's up, dude? | ||
| And he's like, oh, brah, what's up? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Yeah, man, I'm tough. | ||
| I'm tough. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, cool, bro. | ||
| He's like 16 years old, 15 years old. | ||
| Some fat white Taurus is walking down. | ||
| He's like, whoa, brah, what? | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| And he walks over and bends down like he's tying his shoe. | ||
| And he's like looking at his peripheral vision to see this guy walking. | ||
| He stands up and the guy bumps into him. | ||
| Oh, sorry, man. | ||
| This Hawaiian kid starts beating the shit out of him. | ||
| He's so young that it's not really hurting him. | ||
| Not really hurting the guy, but the guy's like, oh, stop! | ||
| And he's got a buddy with him, doesn't help him at all. | ||
| The kid starts, in Hawaiian, you call it false cracking the guy. | ||
| It's a sucker punch. | ||
| He gets up and sucker punched the guy. | ||
| He grabs on his backpack and starts jump kicking him, jump kicking him, jump kicking him. | ||
| The guy starts running up and he goes, ah, this is my first trip to Hawaii! | ||
| I was like, ah! | ||
| I was like, oh my god, Hawaiian people are crazy. | ||
| Do you remember Forgetting Sarah Marshall? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| The movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, there was the bartender who was super cool to him. | ||
| Yeah, that was the part of the movie I was talking about. | ||
| Afterwards. | ||
| Maybe from the movies. | ||
| That's what I was talking about. | ||
| No, but afterwards, the guy kicks his ass. | ||
| That's like real life. | ||
| Well, I mean, why? | ||
| I've never heard anyone ever say, I went to Hawaii, dude, there was fucking fights. | ||
| Brian, but you're talking about going to Hawaii where you go to resorts. | ||
| Yeah, come on. | ||
| Not necessarily, dude. | ||
| Acapulco. | ||
| Acapulco, the most good people are the nicest people ever. | ||
| But I go up to Tijuana, I bet you they'll try to gut me. | ||
| Yeah, dude, when you talk to BJ Penn, like BJ Penn talks about growing up in Hawaii, it always says there's nothing to do. | ||
| Everybody just fights. | ||
| I'm just saying if you're in that world, it's definitely more in your face than if most people go into the store in a suburban neighborhood in Hawaii or something like that. | ||
| Dude, no one's saying that Hawaii people are douchebags. | ||
| No one's saying that it's a bad place to live. | ||
| I can explain. | ||
| I live there too. | ||
| It's kind of the culture that Oh, you want to throw down? | ||
| So what? | ||
| And there's a mutual, like, let's fight. | ||
| Nobody shoots each other. | ||
| It's like, let's fight. | ||
| We'll fight. | ||
| And then we'll end it out. | ||
| Oh, he kicked his ass. | ||
| And then you get the coconut wireless. | ||
| Everybody knows about it. | ||
| He kicked his ass. | ||
| And that's, you know, it's just the culture, you know? | ||
| That's where BJ Penn came out of. | ||
| That kind of competition is what started his MMA career, that he was this bad motherfucker that would step to anybody and fight anybody. | ||
| He took pride in that, and that's why he became an MMA champ. | ||
| When you're stuck on a fucking island like the Big Island and there ain't that much people and everyone's just jammed in together on this rock, Tensions run high. | ||
| Oh man, I live there too. | ||
| It's a strange, strange different place because you're on this tiny island and it's small. | ||
| Because even though it's a million people, whatever circles you run in are tight-knit because everybody knows everybody. | ||
| Right, so there must be a lot of bullshit between dudes and girls. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Epic amounts. | ||
| I would imagine because everybody knows everybody and you're like, that dude's fulconer. | ||
| Like when someone breaks up, they break up and then she goes out with someone you know. | ||
| You're fucking some dude that went to high school with that other guy. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| That causes tensions. | ||
| Painful. | ||
| And you lived on the Big Island? | ||
| No, I lived on Oahu. | ||
| It's like the main island. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that the smaller... | ||
| It's not a big island. | ||
| It's not that big. | ||
| No, it's not that big. | ||
| I don't know why it was the... | ||
| The biggest one that developed quickest. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Most of the times when I got to Hawaii, I went to the Big Island. | ||
| I went to Maui. | ||
| I went to Kauai. | ||
| But when I went to Honolulu, I was like, God damn, this is like a city. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's America. | ||
| It's America on wheels. | ||
| It's America with Asians. | ||
| America is paradise, though. | ||
| It's the weirdest city ever. | ||
| It's like a fucking Blade Runner movie. | ||
| It's like here you are in this city with this incredibly beautiful weather, with this amazing ocean. | ||
| You are right there. | ||
| It's a city somehow or another, but it's not that polluted. | ||
| The ocean is not that polluted. | ||
| Because they're just washing off. | ||
| Would you say Kauai is the best? | ||
| Kauai? | ||
| Kauai is like Jurassic Park. | ||
| Yeah, it's like Lost. | ||
| Lanai was gorgeous, too. | ||
| Lanai is really small. | ||
| Well, I imagine Lanai is even less developed than Kauai. | ||
| Kauai is like, there's one road that goes everywhere. | ||
| I think Lanai only has like 3,000 people that live on her. | ||
| 30,000 or something tiny. | ||
| And it's all like the staff of the first season. | ||
| They're all thrown down. | ||
| They did look a little fucking spaced out when I was asking for directions. | ||
| There's fucking three roads and this bitch couldn't tell me how to get to the hotel. | ||
| It's just like, I don't know. | ||
| I think... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Here's the thing about that. | ||
| When I lived in Hawaii, bro, I can't tell you what street to turn on. | ||
| I can tell you, to get to the Waikiki, you gotta go down. | ||
| There's a 7-Eleven at the end of this one road. | ||
| You take a right there, you keep going down, it turns into a one-way, and you take a right at Zippy's. | ||
| And then there you're in Waikiki. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| Nobody knows the road names because they're Malakalikimaka and Kanamohohe. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| Nobody even knows the name of this road. | ||
| How crazy is it that Hawaii is a part of America but it's five hours away on a fucking plane? | ||
| Alaska. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Alaska's not as crazy. | ||
| At least it's landmass. | ||
| You can drive to Alaska. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But there's something in the middle of it. | |
| There's land in the middle of it. | ||
| That makes no sense. | ||
| Totally ridiculous. | ||
| We've got to have our ass covered on all sides. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| But it's incredible that we can call it America. | ||
| It's five hours away on a fucking plane. | ||
| And then Guam is like sort of America, right? | ||
| Yeah, so is Puerto Rico, buddy. | ||
| Yeah, Puerto Rico is like sort of America. | ||
| What is Puerto... | ||
| Puerto Rico is, like, considered America, though. | ||
| But they don't pay taxes, so they don't want to be part of America. | ||
| But are you allowed to be from Puerto Rico and just immigrate to America? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| I think so, too, right? | ||
| That's why there's so many Puerto Ricans. | ||
| You know, especially if you go to New York. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Don Gavins is a fucking comedian from Boston, an old-school legend. | ||
| He used to have this joke about... | ||
| He's just, like, a real fast-talking Boston guy. | ||
| He's like, ah, if I went to Puerto Rico, I didn't like Puerto Rico. | ||
| Too many fucking Puerto Ricans. | ||
| I don't even know how they afford it. | ||
| It's so expensive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's... | |
| Mayhem, you've been doing stand-up comedy lately. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| How's that going? | ||
| Where is the great Mayhem doing stand-up comedy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I know you did Ari's show at the Improv. | ||
| I did Ari's show. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| And Ari's doing a show today. | ||
| I've been arrested a bunch of times. | ||
| He didn't ask me to do the I Fought the Law. | ||
| Oh, you can crash that bitch. | ||
| Dude, just crash it. | ||
| Just crash it. | ||
| You can totally crash it. | ||
| That'll be fun. | ||
| Ari's probably listening right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, he's not. | |
| He's eating pizza. | ||
| Jerking off. | ||
| No, he's not. | ||
| He's sleeping. | ||
| He is jerking off. | ||
| He might be sleeping. | ||
| You don't have to jerk off that guy. | ||
| Who doesn't? | ||
| Come on, fella. | ||
| That's with the flashlight, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Bringing us back to our final sponsor. | ||
| This is it, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| The Fleshlight. | ||
| If you want to masturbate, this is your key. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Fleshlight.com. | ||
| I'm nervous looking at that thing. | ||
| If you go to Fleshlight.com too, if you go to my website, there's a link and you get 15% off your Fleshlight. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| That's the weirdest sponsor ever I got. | ||
| It's the best sponsor. | ||
| Come on, my show's fucking nuts. | ||
| This whole thing is crazy. | ||
| That's why I've got crazy people like you on. | ||
| Nobody else would have got this kind of an interview out of Mayhem Miller. | ||
| We had to put it together. | ||
| This is not an interview, man. | ||
| I feel like we're on a show together. | ||
| We're hanging, bro. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Why did you fuck the... | ||
| No, I haven't fucked that one yet. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| It's queefing all over the mic. | ||
| Feel how natural it feels. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not natural, but it smells terrible now. | |
| It's just rubber. | ||
| It smells terrible. | ||
| After all the dirty pussy and asshole we've been talking about. | ||
| See if it's salty. | ||
| Imagine if your mom walks to the house like that. | ||
| If they were the tester, like test it by number 407. There's just a guy going, this is good! | ||
| This one make my cock feel so yummy. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Imagine if some dude did fuck it because he knew it was going to you. | ||
| Yeah, he had to. | ||
| Imagine if he knew it was going to you. | ||
| Quality insurance. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he can't have a faulty fake vagina. | ||
| Can you imagine that job? | ||
| But that was your job. | ||
| You had to do that all day long. | ||
| You had to keep on getting boners. | ||
| Like, want? | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| There's probably a job like that. | ||
| I'm appalled at this podcast. | ||
| I think we've reached the bottom. | ||
| Yes, we have. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| This is the end of the line, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| You have a website, right? | ||
| MayhemMiller.com. | ||
| MayhemMiller on Twitter. | ||
| Yeah, I'm Mayhem Miller all across the board. | ||
| Mayhem Miller everywhere. | ||
| You don't use MySpace anymore, do you? | ||
| What's MySpace? | ||
| I feel bad. | ||
| I know that there's chicks out there that want to bomb me on MySpace, but I can't even go on there. | ||
| I can't even go on there. | ||
| When you see a girl that's still on MySpace, like, this is my MySpace. | ||
| That might be a girl that's retarded. | ||
| Lower percentage, for sure. | ||
| You're elite if you're not on MySpace. | ||
| Unless she's king of the scraps. | ||
| There might be like, dude, I am the most popular person on MySpace right now. | ||
| Yeah, she's like the new Tila Tequila Part 3. I've got 4,000 friends. | ||
| 4,000 active friends. | ||
| A lot of girls claim 4,000 friends. | ||
| I got no bots on MySpace. | ||
| Yeah, who the fuck is left on MySpace? | ||
| Only people whose computers can't even work Facebook. | ||
| Our friend just quit MySpace. | ||
| He used to work there. | ||
| And now I can finally get rid of my MySpace. | ||
| I don't feel bad. | ||
| Because I only held on to it, I think, because of him. | ||
| I've hoped that MySpace is going to make a comeback. | ||
| Because back in the Comedy Store days, MySpace packed that fucking place all the time. | ||
| That was responsible for... | ||
| You think it's harder to promote on Facebook? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| The best is Twitter. | ||
| Twitter is the best. | ||
| Yeah, Twitter's fun, dude. | ||
| I like talking to people. | ||
| I like people send me some shit and I send it back to them. | ||
| Yeah, you know what I'm pissed off about is your fans are way smarter than mine because you always get cool shit sent to you and I'm like... | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Well, I send cool shit to them, too, though. | ||
| Whenever I find any cool video online, I always tweet it. | ||
| I always tweet it, so they tweet shit like that back to me. | ||
| But I find out about a lot of cool articles and cool science developments and shit. | ||
| I find out a lot of that stuff by people on Twitter. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I find it out because of you, usually. | ||
| Dude, get in there, son. | ||
| I'm like, man. | ||
| It's a chain of information we all sharing. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm like stoked every time you come up with a, oh, cool, Joe Rogan put an article, and I click and I read it. | ||
| There's always so much cool shit on the internet, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Have you seen the Deepak Chopra-Sam Harris debates? | ||
| Sam Harris had some other dude with him. | ||
| I forget the dude's name. | ||
| And Deepak Chopra had this crazy cat lady with him. | ||
| And they're debating God, and it's some brilliant shit, man. | ||
| Sam Harris is a brilliant, brilliant motherfucker. | ||
| He wrote that really good book, Letters to a Christian Nation. | ||
| He's just this skeptic, atheist character, but a really reasonable dude. | ||
| Have you seen Dawkins versus... | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| He did a few where he was kind of... | ||
| He did one with Deepak Chopra, but I didn't like his arguments against Deepak. | ||
| It was very short. | ||
| The clip that he used online or in his documentary was very short. | ||
| It was just mostly mocking Deepak. | ||
| But then when Deepak talked to him, Deepak was actually pretty reasonable about what he was saying. | ||
| They were talking about states of mind and mood and the ability to help Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Like negative energy has manifested itself in stress. | ||
| Stress manifests itself in misfiring. | ||
| I've had injuries before where the injury, it keeps – I don't even notice because I just got caveman brain where I get hurt and I just ignore that part of my body. | ||
| I'll step on something and have a bloody foot and just keep ignoring it until I have to go to hospital. | ||
| So I kept doing that, but I didn't realize it puts stress on your body. | ||
| And then I got super sick. | ||
| And I'm like, why am I sick and got a hurt knee? | ||
| It's because you get in this mind state of being just totally like feeling bad and irritated and hurt and then your body breaks down. | ||
| Yeah, you need positive energy and a good feeling of enjoyment of your life, appreciation for everything. | ||
| All that good stuff makes you feel better. | ||
| It makes you lighter. | ||
| It makes you have to work less hard. | ||
| It makes life less taxing. | ||
| When I'm going through a lot of bullshit in my life, man, I'm tired all the time, you know? | ||
| It's a lot of energy that gets used up by that. | ||
| Don't you find that, like, if you're in, like, a bad personal situation that you're fucking tired all the time? | ||
| Oh, totally. | ||
| It's depression, usually, you know? | ||
| I mean, it's depression. | ||
| It's depression, but it's also energy. | ||
| Just bad feelings. | ||
| Somebody hates you, someone's mad at you. | ||
| Well, at the risk of sounding like a hippie, yeah, energy is everything. | ||
| Yeah, it totally sounded like a hippie. | ||
| The problem is hippies fucked up a lot of cool shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, yeah. | |
| Hippies connected a lot of bullshit to stuff that's real. | ||
| The thought of a hippie, okay, because I've met... | ||
| Awesome hippies. | ||
| But the thought of a hippie is this silly... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weak. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| All he does is lay around in the fields and smoke weed. | ||
| Dude, there was a lot of hippies in Boulder. | ||
| When I was in Boulder, I got annoyed with a lot of hippies. | ||
| This idealistic, stupid point of view. | ||
| Like to trespass on your property and go, are you denying us access to the woods? | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| You fucking douchebag. | ||
| This is my yard. | ||
| Get out of here, asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bought the woods. | |
| Sorry. | ||
| It's a big yard, but it's my fucking yard. | ||
| How about use the woods over there where it's just the woods, you douche? | ||
| Yeah, well, I mean... | ||
| Oh, but the North Trail, this is an awesome trail. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I fucking paid $16,000 a month, you shithead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smithers. | |
| Smithers, Mr. Smithers. | ||
| Release the hounds! | ||
| No, man. | ||
| It's like you want privacy, man. | ||
| He's got his bull mastiff tearing apart hippies in the fucking yard. | ||
| My bull mastiff is a nice dog. | ||
| He's cool. | ||
| I mean, he lets you know when people are there, but he's not scary. | ||
| I like to wrestle those dogs. | ||
| My pit bulls, when I used to have pit bulls, that was like having monsters. | ||
| That was like I kept monsters as pets. | ||
| You know, I was running, alright, so I was in Hawaii on the North Shore, and this dude's house I was going to, apparently he was like a famous drug dealer or something like that, and my friends went in ahead of me, I forgot my swim shorts, and I got it, and I walked in by myself, and across this giant yard, a fucking giant pimple was sprinting at me, and I was like, fuck, and I was already in the gate, like, I couldn't outrun him at this point, and I was like, Fuck! | ||
| So I got like a, fuck, what do I do? | ||
| What do I do? | ||
| And I was like, stay calm. | ||
| And I went, fuck it. | ||
| I went, like that. | ||
| You barked at him. | ||
| He stopped at his tracks and barked at me. | ||
| We were best friends after that. | ||
| It was the weirdest thing ever. | ||
| Sometimes they'll bark at you, they just want to get close to you and make sure you're okay, and then they're friendly. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| I barked at him, he barked at me, and then I went, here's my hand. | ||
| Pit bulls are some of the smartest, fucking coolest dogs as pets, but it's such a pain in the ass because they just want to fight other dogs. | ||
| It's like hanging out with a crazy dude. | ||
| Trying to be alpha. | ||
| Just itch your butthole and let them smell your finger. | ||
| It works also. | ||
| Oh, Brian, you did it again. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| That doesn't make sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like smelling the ass of a dog. | ||
| If you let them smell the thing that's coming off your asshole, they totally respect you. | ||
| Whenever you see a meat dog, you finger blast your own ass. | ||
| I just go like this and I smell this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Cool. | ||
| What if he decides to attack and bite your hand off? | ||
| It never happens. | ||
| They go into smell mode. | ||
| Well, I mean, first of all, they're not going to bite you. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| So you're being honest. | ||
| This is like actual advice. | ||
| Totally, totally. | ||
| Try it out. | ||
| If you see a pit bull charging at you, fucking grab your asshole, put a finger in, let it smell it, make sure it's working. | ||
| I think your theory is faulty, and you need to try it on some other dogs. | ||
| What do dogs do when they see other dogs? | ||
| How many dogs have tried to attack you? | ||
| You might have gotten lucky. | ||
| You're just used to smelling, right? | ||
| I'm just... | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't... | |
| Just grabbing his asshole. | ||
| Dig your ass in the room. | ||
| Oh, he did it! | ||
| Oh, he licked it! | ||
| This fucking show is over, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| That's the end. | ||
| This is the end of the line. | ||
| I can't even believe he made a dog smell his butt from his own fingers. | ||
| Go wash your hands, son. | ||
| You're touching the microphone. | ||
| What the fuck, Brian? | ||
| Oh, this is so nasty. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for tuning in. | ||
| Thanks to our buddy, Jason Mayhem Miller, for coming on and being one of the best fucking guests we've ever had on the podcast. | ||
| Goddamn outstanding. | ||
| Good stories. | ||
| He's a real dude. | ||
| You can catch him on Twitter. | ||
| Mayhem Miller on Twitter. | ||
| MayhemMiller.com. | ||
| Of course, Bully Beatdown. | ||
| How many seasons have you done? | ||
| The third now. | ||
| Going into the third season, ladies and gentlemen, DVR that shit. | ||
| You know you're going to watch it. | ||
| And look for him in Strikeforce in October against some unknown victim. | ||
| We'll see what's up. | ||
| Jason Mayhem Miller representing Brian Reichel for everybody. | ||
| Thank you very much for tuning in, and we'll see you sexy bitches next week. |
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