Joe Rogan and Tom Segura celebrate the 20th episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, debuting Segura’s new CD Thrill while critiquing comedy’s rarity—only ~300 out of 1,000 U.S. comedians are truly funny—and mocking performative hypocrisy like a comedian adopting his wife’s name for feminist credibility. They dissect societal fragmentation via evolutionary psychology (tribes of 150), surveillance tech like "Smart Dust," and media manipulation, from Berg’s decapitation to the Gulf oil spill, favoring online transparency over mainstream narratives. Segura’s wild UFC-inspired anecdote about Buck Wild contrasts with Rogan’s praise for psychological warfare in combat sports, while Vilkes’ Muhammad cartoon attack underscores their shared disdain for religious censorship. The episode ends with Rogan’s unshakable faith in local control and Segura’s comedy—proving even chaos can thrive with the right punchlines. [Automatically generated summary]
Fucking week 20 of the Ustream podcast and the iTunes podcast, which has taken over in popularity, far more popular on the iTunes than the Ustream.
For all those fine folks out there listening on your way to work or when you're supposed to be doing work or when you're supposed to be doing homework or whatever the fuck you're doing.
Thank you very much for tuning in.
This show is now officially sponsored by The Fleshlight.
I don't know if you knew about that, Tommy.
I'm here with my buddy Tommy Segura, aka Tommy Buns.
Tommy is here because his, well, first of all, he's here because he's a hilarious stand-up comedian and a good buddy of mine.
Yeah, I would just focus on his crazy, that little breath thing that he does.
It's just Joey Diaz, when I talk to him about it, and we've talked about it a bunch of times.
He says that what happened was he just realized how to not give a fuck.
He said he was too concerned with agents and managers and all that shit.
And he was too concerned with people giving him advice.
And he said it took, you know, like realizing, somewhere along the line, just realizing that these guys are all a bunch of dummies.
Like seeing a bunch of them get fired, seeing managers and agents fail miserably and fall by the wayside and executives get fired and the people that hire people turn to drugs and become fucking chaos and a mess.
And so he just had to realize like, oh, these aren't like intelligent.
This isn't like a really like well-set up artistic environment.
They don't know what they want.
They just want you to kill, you know, and they can tell you all day they want you to be squeaky clean.
You've got to do this.
But if you're dirty and you destroy, they want you, right?
You know, see a guy like Cat Williams or, you know, of course, Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock and all these different guys who have had, you know, Sam Kinnison and dirty acts, but so hilarious that they were undeniable.
So even in the era back then, which is pre-internet, you know, the Kinnison days were all pre-internet, which is way harder to be dirty because you only had HBO.
That was your only outlet for people to find out who the fuck you were.
You know, you run into each other, like, wow, here we go.
We got another one.
What people don't realize about comedians, and it sounds screwy that we're talking about this, making a big deal out of it, but there's not that many of them.
When you look at the world, okay, look at the United States.
Let's just look at our country.
300 million people in the United States.
How many comedians?
There might be a thousand.
Might be a thousand professional comedians out of 300 million.
Well, the problem is when you do it in a two-hour podcast once a week, after a while, people are like, dude, will you shut the fuck up with the bananas?
You're listening to a guy say the same words.
It's like, you realize when you do something like this how important it is to vary your speech and not get locked into patterns of behavior.
You ever heard rappers who, you know what I'm saying?
What's hilarious is when you hear comics use nigger, like a rapper will use nigger, and this nigga try to tell me, I'm like, nigga, you better get the fuck out of my face, nigga.
I know what the fuck's going on, nigga.
And like they'll say it so many times.
And they'll say it on stage the way guys will say it offstage.
There's something that gets lost when you do that.
You got to recognize that like free speech offstage is not good enough to be bottled up and packaged.
If you're going to sell it, you got to have a better economy of words.
I'll catch myself sometimes saying fuck too much on stage because it's just natural because you do it in real life.
Like this fucking guy in a stupid fucking idea.
But you can't, if you do that, it fucks up the bits because they lose any potential impact.
You know, the concept, People get distracted by you saying, even though this is just how you express yourself and it's natural, people will get distracted if you use too many of the same words over and over again, like a swear, like fuck.
If you use it over and over and over again, like in more than one sentence, you can do it for one bit, like if you're just so ridiculously upset at something.
Yeah, yeah, because then like when you do it a lot also, like in one bit, if you say fuck like a hundred times, you realize that you're essentially, it's replacing other words that, you know what I mean, that could make that bit funnier or character.
The other one, like the I used to do this all the time, and now I do it less, but I still catch myself going into it, is saying, like, when you're saying a bit, then going right at the end of it, and you don't realize you're saying it, but you don't, because you're trying to basically validate what you're saying.
And then you start judging your bits and going, ooh, I don't even have the new tagline when I did this one.
Like sometimes you'll do a bit, and then right after you come up with this bit, it's like, you know, you think you got it nailed and you put it on a CD, and then like a week later, you have the best fucking tagline that changes the whole bit.
Dane Cook's probably, he's way better at it than me.
The whole like Twitter shit, you know, the reason why I even got into that is because I saw what it was doing for him.
That's a fact.
Yeah, I always say that.
When people compare, like, try to compare him to other comedians with shady reputations, you know, I say Dane has done a lot more for comedy than guys like Mancia by a long shot because he's like opened up people's eyes to what you could do yourself.
It's because what makes you become a comedian is you're resisting everything that everybody else wants you to do.
You're resisting being polite because you're thinking rude shit, which is why you're funny.
And you're saying that rude shit to get the laughs from people, so you're disturbing everybody.
So you're resisting, like, the way to become good and to become funny is to be the guy that's willing to say that shit.
I mean, that's why so many people say about comedians, like, oh, dude, I can't, you say shit that I think about all the time, but I never have the guts to say it.
And my whole life, I've been doing martial arts since I was a child.
So it's like literally, there's been no time where I haven't done it.
That's something, whether it's kickboxing or jiu-jitsu or something.
There's that explosive expenditure of energy has always been a part of my life.
So if I take time off and I don't do it for like three or four days or something like that, I start getting really antsy.
And I get this buildup and I just fucking, I just, I just want to get it out and I get annoyed in traffic and I snap at people when I shouldn't be snapping at them.
I get upset about things that I shouldn't get upset at.
But when I'm not doing that, when I'm training all the time and I'm even, then I'm just so mellow.
It's like I feel like I can be me.
I enjoy life more.
I feel like there's less stress in my body so I can interpret the outside stress way better.
Which is, you know, terrible because then you resist your own direction and your own ideas.
And you can have like a plan.
Like, hey, I'm going to take care of my body.
I'm going to, you know, eat certain foods because they're healthy.
I'm going to work out, you know, in a certain time every day because that's what I really need to get done.
I'm going to start writing material every day.
Even though it's for you and it's a good thing and you'll enjoy every single moment of all of it, you still resist doing it because it's some sort of a plan.
And anything that's a plan is like, oh, look at this stupid shit.
It's weird because the resistance makes you a comic, and at the same time, to a degree, if you're resistant to too much, it will hold you back from doing well at comedy.
You have to realize somewhere along the line that the reason why you got into comedy is probably a bad reason.
And for most of us, it's like we want an unnecessary amount of adulation.
We want more attention than the other people do because we feel like we didn't get it when we were young.
And so this crazy buildup.
But then somewhere along the line, your motivation has to switch.
You have to kind of understand what it really is.
What I always say about it is like at a certain point in time, there's got to be a transition in your life as a comedian where you start doing it for the work and for the art and for the creation of something, the joy in making something that people enjoy instead of doing it so that people will like you, doing it so that you can get all this attention and adulation on stage.
Because that's what when you want in the beginning, you just want to be the fucking man.
People don't know how painful it is to bomb on stage and how deserving it is.
Like, you fucking deserve to bomb when you're bombing.
You really do deserve it.
When you're bombing, it's because you fucking really do suck and you're supposed to feel that shitty because you're not supposed to be demanding attention.
You're not supposed to be with a microphone, with an amplified voice.
Yeah, you think you're smart, but you're not, you know, because it's like being your age now and you look back at yourself 10 years ago, you're like, I'm a fucking idiot.
It's like, it's one thing if they have a valid point or a silly point or something like that.
But when they start like telling you what's wrong with Republicans and you know, the Democrats are trying to do this, but the Republicans are trying to do that and they're stopping them and they're like, what are you fucking, what?
We always have to check for sound issues in the background.
Like occasionally, it would be planes would fly away.
We would have to stop filming.
I hear that sound and it starts to distract the shit out of me.
But that's how I run my house, folks, with a fucking iron fist.
When I'm doing a podcast, there'll be no water in the plants.
God damn it.
So we were talking about needy, being needy, being a comedian.
The worst is when people don't recognize that and they don't change and they keep that goofy fucking ego like into their 30s and 40s, you know, and they're, you know, still trying to be the fucking man.
I'll tell you, I had a guy, I won't even tell you where, but I'll tell you afterwards, that opened for me that his whole thing was like, how fucked up this is, man?
And like, it was just like, there was contrived rants about like the man and like how he was such a fucking rebel.
And like he got, you know, and the crowd's just like, yeah.
And like, you're like, dude, what you did is you just gave a stump speech.
You'll see, too, the mugging for, like, when the punchline's not that good.
And then some comics will say the punchline, and then the crowd's kind of laughing, and then they'll give them a pause and a smile, like, that's where it was, and see if they'll come along for it.
Or the worst is, like, set is over, and you'll see somebody kind of like force, like, I'm done.
Like, let's force how much you're going to respond at the end of my set.
Like, and they'll just kind of stand there so the crowd's uncomfortable.
The reason why you care about that is because you realize that someone's operating on a level that only works against someone who doesn't know that it's a trick.
But to everybody else who does, it doesn't work.
The only time it gets us is someone who really, really knows the trick is it's got to be real.
It's got to be a real, genuine thought that this guy has.
It's really funny and well put together.
And then it'll get us.
So it's like when we see like an audience laughing at something that's not funny to us, it's almost like insulting.
Like you can sense, you're like, that's what he just did was he just, you know, he just waves his hands like that.
You know, you know that it wasn't like genuine.
That's the thing is you can, you, when you do it long enough and you see it long enough, you can tell when it's genuine, when it's really like somebody's point of view.
Just like it's just as ridiculous to like be like all into being an American, you know, like and look, America for sure is the best country, but guess what, douchebag?
You know, you were born here, you know, you didn't do anything to make this country awesome.
Yeah, you know, what'd you do?
What did you do to make this the best?
You know, did you a part of the Declaration of Independence?
Did you, you know, come on, man.
You're proud of being born in a certain patch of dirt?
Respecting the ideals and respecting what it is to you and being proud to be a part of what's supposed to be the civilization that's at the cusp of humanity.
And that's what we're supposed to be.
We're the people that move from everywhere else.
What America is supposed to be is we're the people who came from everywhere else and came to this one spot.
So the ideal of it should be like that you should have some pride in the ideal, but to think that somehow or another you're better because you're from this dirt and you got a problem with some other dudes from that dirt.
You know, and to be a feminist, like to only like be into like feminine values and pushing forth.
I understand that you think that you're fighting against something.
I totally understand that.
But we should all be against oppression for everyone.
Not just oppression for women.
Like to concentrate on that just as a group.
Like every feminist I have ever met to a woman, and I've only met two, have been really fucking annoying.
I probably met more than two.
Were they only?
No, they were horrendous.
One of them I had an argument with at the comedy store, some crazy lady who like started insulting me.
I tried to be like super nice to her.
There's a video of it online.
She's like a performance artist slash feminist and she like she fucking turned on me.
I tried to like just talk to her.
She was asking me questions and she actually interrupted a conversation that I was having with somebody else and she started talking to me and then somewhere along the line she kept telling me to look in her eyes when I was talking to her and I just got I got annoyed and I just started attacking her.
But like the people who really subscribe to like when it's a woman that really subscribes to I gotta be a champion of women.
I find for the most of the part most of the time it's women that were not ever like pursued that like guys didn't really want them and they go off like it's never a really attractive woman that has men like climbing all over fighting all over to get to her.
It's like I always feel about the same way I always feel about guys like Al Sharpton or guys like Jesse Jackson that are only involved in black and white issues, only involved in black people issues.
It's like she falsely accused people of rape and he made his career out of getting in the public eye and making a big deal out of this and turning it into this gigantic rape issue.
Yeah, it's incredible that there's two guys that are at the forefront of any public issue that has to do with race.
And it's to do with black and white people.
But it does not race either.
Because if there's some gigantic Vietnamese and white person issue, I fucking doubt you're going to see Jesse Jackson on TV trying to support those Vietnamese people.
That's the thing, man, is that they asked Al Sharpton one time, hey, would you, because he came to the rescue of like some, I don't know, he came to speak out because, oh, some kid got kicked out of school for fighting at the school.
How do we fix this ridiculous idea that black people and white people and that, like, you know, there's a group of them and they're against a group of us and men, against women, against...
Morons, assholes, and people you can hang out with.
And that's reality.
And there might be some people in those people that you can hang out with that you truly love.
There's a broad spectrum.
And other people that you can just tolerate.
But that's the group.
It's morons, assholes, and people you can hang out with.
And sometimes you can hang out with assholes if you know them well enough or if you grew up with them.
And you can, there's a bunch of people that I grew up with that I still keep in touch with that I probably would never talk to if I didn't grow up with them.
Guys I used to do martial arts with and stuff and there's a bunch of dudes that I'm happy to talk to them and I'm happy they're in my life.
But the reality is if I met them today, we wouldn't be such close friends.
Like A lot of people say, well, diversity doesn't cause problems.
Racism causes problems.
You know, it's actually a challenge to look at people and judge them not by, you know, as Martin Luther King said, by the color of their skin, by the content of the character.
You know, that's a challenge, and that's a good thing.
And I agree.
Yeah, definitely.
For me, it is.
I like having a bunch of different people.
But I don't know if, like, as a race, if we can figure out a way, as a human race, to not differentiate because of the way we look.
I mean, it's unnatural, like, people's natural instinct is to, like, and I'm just saying, well, it's to judge, but it's also to be drawn to people like you.
But wait, do you think, though, like, if you were to walk into like a whatever, a room somewhere, and it was segregated, wouldn't it be the inclination that you would go towards?
Well, I think it's also a part of our natural inclination from back when we were, you know, tribes of monkey people to select a group and to stay with that group and to assume that all the other groups are against you.
You know, I mean, that's what we do with sports teams.
That's what we do with state pride.
You know, that's what we do in the North versus the South.
It's really all the same thing.
It's all team shit.
You know, there's a theory that we talked about on here on the show before that this anthropologist came up with.
It's called Dunbar's number.
And Dunbar's number is, it's all about the number of people that you're capable of remembering and having stable relationships with.
And it's like 150 people is the most.
And that's the theory.
The theory is, I don't know if it's right or not, but it's pretty close, in my opinion, knowing a lot of people.
I think 150 people sounds about right.
It's like you can't have that many more people in your life because if you do, it's just too confusing and you don't have the capacity to remember it.
It's almost like our culture has evolved so far that it's an operating system that our hard drive isn't capable of processing.
Like what our operating system is, is our operating system and our memory and our hardware is set up for living in fucking 10,000 BC, throwing sticks with rocks, sharp rocks at the end of it at moving animals.
Our hardware has barely evolved past that, but our software, our culture is just fucking crazy.
There's 300 million of us all in this one continent and all supposed to be on the same team.
And there's so much disconnection that we try to get connections, like little small connections.
The tribe itself is too massive.
I think like thousands and thousands of years ago, like, you know, when people had, you know, when we were tribes of hunters and gatherers and we were nomadic and everything like that, like the bond between people in those tribes must have been so fucking intense.
I mean, obviously, it's not sustainable if we keep growing at this rate, but the rate, like right now, we have enough food if we, you know, if we concentrate on everything and do, I mean, we're feeding people, you know, we are getting it done right now.
And no chicks would trust her, and guys would just, like, they'd be all over it, but they would also be like, you would be like, something's wrong with this bitch.
Yeah, you know, it's the attachment that people have to each other is so fucking intense that when they break, when someone breaks up with you and then starts dating someone else, you feel like they stole from you.
Like they stole your happiness.
You know, it's like, where's my fucking happiness?
And why is my happiness been replaced with deep sorrow and sadness?
It's because nature has it set up that we attach to each other and that we become addicted to each other.
And then we literally, having that person in your life, it's like your whole formula, your whole balance is, it requires having that person in the system.
Like you have a whole system and that person you go to for your love and your sex and your, and they like lock into your grid.
You know, when they're gone, it's like you have this gaping hole where that person used to be.
And most people just try to fill that bitch up real quick.
I think about just, like, times where, like, I went out even, you know, went out, like, wanted to pursue somebody and, like, maybe went out with them a few times and it didn't work out, it didn't evolve.
And how that was, like, you know, it was, like, depressing.
You're like, oh.
And then you get to, like, you sort of get to know the person from a distance.
You're like, can you imagine if I had ended up?
Like, if that had worked out, I would be miserable today.
The angry ones are so strange because you just tolerate, like, this yelling and this craziness.
in your life, you tolerate people getting pissed at you, you tolerate negativity, and then you realize one day like you break up with them and you go okay the the fucking noise has stopped yeah like the mind i feel so much better like i was dating a fucking crazy person shaking your core, yeah.
It's like I was dating some fucking some monster, some, some deficit in my life, you know?
I mean, there's a reason why that expression exists.
It's because that job sucks.
That job's boring as fuck, and you work with a bunch of assholes.
And one day you go, I'm going to get a fucking gun, and I'm going to kill every last one of you, douchebags, because they have been the source of your pain and frustration every goddamn day.
You show up at work, there's negativity, and not saying that the guy who shoots him isn't the fucking the cause of it.
And you realize, too, man, like after, you know, when you get like a little bit older, you start to figure out that like you're in control of like your own happiness in a lot of ways.
You don't be a fucking, like, I'm just going to quit everything.
But, like, if you're really fucking miserable, either at your job or in a relationship or even like with like, with like a friend or whatever it is, you can fucking make that better.
I love that he can, he, like, when you watch him, like, you're watching somebody who's, it, There's really a controlled, like, lower amount of energy where you're like, this guy looks like he's ordering fucking a sandwich or something.
Because you're not locked into any sort of success.
It's not like you're moving up the corporate ladder and you're doing pretty good and you don't want to fucking sidetrack that and try to do stand-up and then have the stand-up not work out.
And then you go, well, I could have been a success here.
As long as you don't sit around and wait for it to provide.
As long as you keep hustling and keep grinding.
Yeah, the universe will provide.
you know and ladies and gentlemen i guarantee you you will laugh if you do not laugh at this you are a douchebag it's thrilled tom segura you can get it on iTunes can you get it on amazon you can get it on amazon amazon.com you can get it at one of tommy's shows where are you at next i'm at denver this week at oh comedy works downtown oh that's the best one because comedy works downtown is the shit i love that place thursday through sunday and if you're lucky it probably stopped snowing there oh that's right yeah that's true yeah it snowed in montreal saturday did it really when
were leaving it was snowing j7 may 7th yeah may 7th or whatever the fuck it was and 30 something degrees out and snowing oh my god i hope it's not that fucking cold i'm not ready for that no denver's not gonna be that bad it's already may it's gonna probably be like 60s it'll be nice the colorado's beautiful in the spring spring and summer it's fucking awesome it's gotta be great you went up to my house up there you know yeah dude that shit was fucking sick yeah that was ridiculous too bad a mountain lion ate my goddamn dog did it really and
yeah too bad my chick doesn't know how to drive in the fucking snow that's part of the problem she hit she hit a wall she had a tree and she hit uh uh the side of a mountain she has two separate accidents and snowy roads she just doesn't know how to drive in the snow at all she grew up in texas and after the what a second time and it was like i go on the road too much i'm like i can't leave you here you don't know how to fucking drive in the snow it's ridiculous when the mountains she doesn't know i grew up in boston dude i not only did i grow up in boston I had a newspaper route for
five years that means that for five years it didn't matter how much snow was out i was driving yeah i drove every goddamn day i know how to hit that slide counter that bitch i know how to stay calm and pump the brakes i i don't i don't panic when my car starts sliding yeah yeah you know because yeah i had to throw papers out the window and you know i i got in a ton of accidents too just growing up shit i must have been in 10 accidents by the time i was like 21.
That was the number one reason why I wanted to get out of California and move to Colorado.
And the reason why I moved to such a remote place in the mountains.
because I think that it's not healthy to be around this many people.
people you know i've seen these studies that they did with rat population density studies where they increase the amount of rats in an area and they get fucking crazy and start biting each other like the reason why people don't like each other as much is like what we talked about before we're supposed to be in groups small groups where you know everybody yeah you know and we're only wired for like 150.
You get a place like LA where you're dealing with 20 million people plus Mexicans.
Nobody knows how many people there really are.
They send me the census and I'm like, get the fuck out of here with the census.
This is a joke.
You know how many Mexicans I know that are illegal?
By the time they can tell, we're going to be so far fucked with our loss of privacy, which is coming.
That's going to be the next stage.
There's going to be some sort of a drastic decrease in the amount of privacy that we have to the point where either it's going to be because technology brings this on, because it's just the technology that is created is so immense and powerful that you really do have an instant access to where everyone is.
Well, how about when you ever use like Yahoo email or something like that, and you have like certain keywords in your email, and then it'll show you like ads on the right-hand side that have to do with like the email that somebody sent you?
much more yeah you know what i mean like we talked about last week we talked about uh smart dust It's a new technology that they've created, these little tiny things that are literally like the size of a grain of sand, and they will have the ability to transmit and receive data, and they will have their own power supply.
I already feel like it's pretty like, I don't know, it's like upsetting that, I mean, I think it's necessary in a way, but it's kind of like it makes me uncomfortable that so many places have cameras, you know?
This guy's legitimately retarded and he's not some sort of a plant, but it's very possible.
There's a lot of people that believe that Oklahoma City, that the reason why Oklahoma City was blown up or was allowed to be blown up was so that they could pass new stricter anti-terrorism laws.
Well, do you know, but just to play devil's advocate, do you know that the FBI removed several undetonated bombs outside of the building?
They pulled them out of the building after it happened.
And this is reported on the news in Oklahoma, and that the bomb itself that they made out of fertilizer, that literally, like if you look at the evidence, like how the building was blown up, there's no way a fertilizer bomb did that kind of damage.
Not only that, the building blew outward.
It didn't blow from the center down.
There wasn't like a big crater underneath the truck.
And the idea is that there were bombs inside the building.
And that this guy who blew up this bomb, you know, this truck bomb, yeah, he blew up a truck bomb, but that's not responsible for all that damage.
The idea is that the damage was done by a bunch of bombs that were inside the building and all of them didn't go off.
And that's the reason why the FBI pulled them out of the building, pulled unexploded ones out of the building.
And that doesn't necessarily mean the government was involved.
What it could have mean was that he was working with other people and not only did he have this fertilizer bomb, but he had these other bombs in the building and maybe his fertilizer bomb was supposed to detonate those other bombs and blow up the whole thing.
There's a bunch of different possibilities of it.
But it's very rarely talked about.
And the footage of all these different people that were involved, all these different fucking Muslim guys that were supposed to be there that had worked for Saddam Hussein in Iraq and all these different various organizations.
It's a tricky little story.
We start looking into it.
You say, well, that still doesn't mean that there's some sort of a conspiracy.
Absolutely.
It doesn't.
But they've done shit in the past.
And when you look at the stuff that the government has done that would require hundreds of people to keep their mouths shut, like, do you know about the Gulf of Tonkin?
When you start talking about conspiracies, the real problem is when you get into them and you start researching them, you go, fuck, look at all the shit they have done.
And I don't say that I don't believe that the government or anybody for that matter doesn't have the capacity to be that morally corrupt or evil.
Just my natural inclination is to be like, when these things start to get really massive, is to go like, how in this day and age especially can that secret be kept?
Well, one way that it's kept, if you put your tinfoil hat on tight one way it's kept is by putting out information that's correct and mixing it with a bunch of stuff that's ridiculous.
You know, and that's that's how they process disinformation.
What they do is they attach all these legitimate ideas to something that's so outrageous that it makes the legitimate ideas seem ridiculous because they're connected to them.
You know, and that's that's a strategy that is well documented.
You know, it's, you know, if you look at the in the 1950s, the CIA wrote papers about this kind of stuff.
You know, COINTELPRO and the idea that you have to, you know, put out dumb stories that attach themselves to the real stories, so it makes it ridiculous.
I mean, people have actually had jobs where they're disinformation agents, and they're hired to go on blogs and websites.
This is going on right now.
This is like real shit.
They're hired to argue certain points.
They're hired to stand up for government ideas and offer very well thought out arguments.
And they do it under these anonymous assumed names.
And sometimes it's several people.
These are real government jobs that actually exist.
And it's been proven.
It's been talked about.
We find the shit that the government has done.
And it makes you go, fuck, what have they done that I don't know about?
But see, that's where the argument of 100 people would have to be in on the secret.
That's where it doesn't work.
The reason why it doesn't work is because they have been.
There's been a lot of secrets that were processed that we didn't find out about.
Operation Midnight Climax is another one we've talked on the show about before.
And it's the 1950s.
The government ran, the CIA ran brothels in New York and in San Francisco.
And they dosed people with LSD.
They had Johns would come in and they would try to get Lei, these poor fucks, and they would blast them with acid while they're in there trying to get their freak on.
Well, it makes sense that that would be possible because if you think about like experiments, you know, they didn't know like what I mean, it's not like we had like a whole database on LSD experience that we could pull from.
Like, hey, don't do more than this amount or you'll fucking blow yourself.
And everything, you know, it seemingly wore off like the way any, like, you know, when you do drugs would.
And then he went, like, the next week, went into like the, like the school and walked through like the cafeteria, went into the kitchen and started like, like, asking the, asking the chef to, like, if he could swim in the water supply.
I believe it just because of, I had an experience one of the last times I did DMT, the last time I did DMT, where it was a few years ago, where for like two weeks after I did it, this is the way I always describe it.
It's very difficult to describe, but I say that reality got very slippery.
It's like reality just didn't seem, didn't seem like I could bang on it anymore.
Yeah, it seemed like the DMT experience is so powerful and so incredibly beautiful and overwhelming and shocking that when you're doing it it seems more real than reality itself it seems like you're taking a look into a better more pure efficient next stage reality it's like you you feel like you're taking this look into what's next you know it's like an afterlife type of experience I mean that's really what it feels
and then I would come back, or I did come back from it, and then for a couple of weeks, this life just didn't seem like it was going to hold up.
It felt like all this shit that I'm seeing, everything around me, it's like I'm assuming that this is real.
I'm assuming that this is hard, and this is reality, and this is life, but after doing the DMT experience, that seems so much more real than reality.
So what the fuck is this?
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I started getting these weird ideas about the structure of life, and the pattern of human existence, and everything that's going on on the planet at the same time, that it was really much less tangible, much less real than I thought it was, and that perhaps the sleeping time when your brain is producing DMT, like when you're in heavy REM sleep, that that might be just a much more intense version of life that we only get in small doses, and that might be real life, and this might be the crazy dream.
I mean, the alternative is, anytime you start talking about what life could be, or what drugs could be, or what hallucinations really mean, you open yourself up to ridicule.
Rightly so.
Because most of the time when you talk about those subjects, this sounds ridiculous.
But what is the alternative?
Well, the alternative is that we're just this biological, fleshy thing that lives for 65 years, and then you fucking die, and you move on, and you breed while you're here, and eventually there'll be too many of us, and we'll blow the world up, because there's too many of us.
You know, and that this, nothing means anything, and, you know, there is no purpose for any of this.
Unlike everything else in nature, I mean, everything else in nature is building something, supplying to something.
You know, a part of an ecosystem has a very vital, vital part in the whole process, the natural process of life.
Everything that we see, from volcanoes, and fires, and predators, and prey, all seems to fit into this entire system, except for human beings.
You know, except for how we view our life.
But I think we're just a really advanced form of all that shit, and that what we're doing here, in this life, is setting us up, somehow or another, for the next stage of existence.
That's why every single culture has had this idea of heaven.
Every single culture has had this idea of a better place, that you're going to go to, you know, somewhere, where it's going to be more pure, or, you know, it'll be all love, or it'll be, there's all these different, various versions of it.
I think it's because there's a part of us, instinctively, that understands that this is a stage, and that like everything else in the universe, from the Big Bang, to the formation of stars, to the formation of planets, to life forming on planets, to life evolving, and getting more advanced, that it all keeps moving on towards some new, better, more improved, you know, more advanced thing, and that that's what's going to happen to us too.
No, no, I think, you know, the thing, the reason why I haven't done it since then, is because I still, I still think I'm still trying to exactly process, like honestly process, what happened, like I could do it now again, I might be willing to do it now again, if I had some, but I think it's just as important to try to honestly process what happened in the last
experience, to try to learn as much from it as you can, you know, the, one of the things that you do experience when you, when you have any like really extreme psychedelic experience, you, you experience this complete dissolving of your ego, everything like you've built yourself up to
be, everything, your, your language, the way you talk, you know, your social structure, how you fit in with your friends, and your family, and your dog, and all that stuff, your self-definition, all dissolves, everything dissolves, and your definition of the world, of earth, of human
beings, all that dissolves too, and you start to look at things in this, almost like this alien perspective, it's like, I always say that like when you're taking mushrooms, it feels like, and even DMT, it feels like you're looking at the universe, through the eyes of an alien, of like a super advanced, organic life form, that's far, far, far, evolved from where we are, at this point in time, and you get to see the whole thing, objectively, and clearly, without the context, of any of the things, you already understand, and know about it, like language, and
accents, and you know, jobs, and all that bullshit, you start, you see it all, like in some weird sort of a way, but when you do that, the problem is, it fucking, especially if you have like, a crazy dose, you know, crazy DMT sort of trip, the real problem is, re-assimilating
back, into the regular world, the real problem is, like being around, like regular people, and mundane shit, and try to take it all seriously, and try to focus on all the stuff, that you do, you know, you know, you do like, have to do, as part of, it's like, I would say, psychedelic experiences are
useless, if you can't bring something back, if you don't learn something, that you can apply to this world, because this is the world, where you're spending most of your time, you know, yeah, that's true, yeah, I mean, you're, most of your time, is spent in the waking world, you know, so if you're having these, psychedelic
trips, and that's what you really enjoy out of life, it's like it's all, you're all enjoying, you know, these experiences, and you're not, you're not enjoying the regular world, at all, you know, then you're not bringing anything back with you, you can, you can go, and have these experiences, and bring something back with
you, and change the world, around you, and make it better, like that is possible, or, you could take too much, and go fucking bonkers, and try to, try to swim in the pipes, try to jump in the pipes, and get to the water supply, I've never fucked with acid, you know, I don't, I don't think
that, I'm not into doing anything, that people create, you know, I did, MDMA once, I did ecstasy once, and I got really fucked up, and the next day, my brain was just useless, and I think I learned from that experience, I enjoyed the experience of being on
ecstasy, but the come down, was just way too brutal, I was like, this is not good for you, I think shit, like chemicals, that man made stuff, that doesn't exist in nature, that, or you know, LSD sort of does, and like, yeah, Hawaiian baby woodrow seeds, and some, some other things, you can actually, extract the, GHB, no, I heard that's, fucking, I heard that shit is, really dangerous, I, I OD'd, I was in a coma, really, yeah, yeah, yeah, what happened, I took, what the fuck happened, so, so dumb when I did, I
Could you imagine if, like, at five and a half months, when your shit's supposed to be, like, not come back yet, you shoot around some chick and you make some fucking nuclear baby.
Think about all the autistic kids that are being created today and all the thoughts of like where this is coming from, whether it's environmental or chemicals or just all sorts of theories.
Vaccinations, people being older and having the kids because they're older and their DNA is damaged.
How about the babies that we're going to have when they are shooting ultrasound into your fucking sack?
Yeah, you feel a little, just a twitch and you're trying to hold it in there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, they're trying to come up with all sorts of different ways.
And, you know, with women, it's all hormonal.
They can either shoot you up with something that makes your body think it's pregnant or they give you a pill that makes your body think it's pregnant.
Or they put a catcher's mitt in there, like put an IUD and they insert that shit and you snatch and it gets all infected and your loads are trying to shot at it like barnacles on a fucking dock.
Imagine if they pull it out and there's all this stalagmites from your old loads that have been trying to get into this IUD and they just hang out there.
It's all crusty with your old loads.
And maybe your old loads die inside her box and that's why it starts to stink.
Could you imagine like you didn't want to get it pregnant?
Like maybe you should take that out, honey.
But I don't want to get pregnant.
Well, you don't know how to get an extra douche up there to kill your loads and squirt them out because your body's not absorbing them.
Yeah, and iPads and Xbox, none of which I know how to use.
You know, I hate all that.
First of all, I hate all that none of which I know how to use.
What he was saying is that these things provide information.
There's too much information and it's difficult to discern what's factual and what's not.
And that crazy ideas can gain traction and become problematic.
And he was saying that it actually makes it hard on democracy, which I thought was hilarious.
makes it hard to run the country and it's bad for the country somewhere and that line just appeals to like a certain generation when This is what he says.
He says, you know, iPads and Xboxes and PlayStations, none of which I know how to use.
My fucking two-year-old daughter knows how to use an iPod, dude.
She knows how to find the song she likes and click on it.
She knows how to go to the little apps and pick a little monkey game and play the monkey game.
Yeah, so anyway, he's trying to say that somehow or another, all this access to information that people have now, the problem is that these crazy ideas can gain traction and that it becomes more of a distraction than it is a useless source of information.
But that's ridiculous.
It's like, who's the useful source of information?
How come there's so much shit that's in the news that we don't hear about?
How come we have to go online to find out what's happening in Liberia to get real information about the fucking oil spill in the Gulf?
You're not getting that shit from the network news.
You're not getting that shit from the newspapers.
You've got to really see the images and the videos online.
There's a video online right now.
This guy flew a plane over the Gulf oil spill and videotaped the whole thing and put it up and showed how massive it is and how they're not being honest about what a catastrophe it is.
It's fucking shocking.
It's on my Twitter.
You can go to my Twitter feed, go to Joe Rogan on Twitter and just my name.
It's not .NET anymore.
It's just my name.
I got that back.
So if you go to my Twitter feed, it's like one or two Twitters ago I put it.
Watch that video and freak the fuck out because it's horrifying looking at this gigantic fucking thing of oil in the middle of the ocean.
You're not hearing about that from the news.
They're recognizing that it's a big deal, but they're not showing you 10 minutes of footage so you can really get a good idea of it.
You've got to look online.
You've got, I mean, to find out like shit like Operation Northwoods or any of these other things I'm talking about.
This isn't getting discussed in the newspaper.
This isn't getting discussed in the news.
People are hiding this kind of information.
Big, gigantic corporations control network news.
They control the newspapers.
They control GE controls NBC and Fox News is owned by Rupert Murdoch and, you know, the ABC.
Yeah, I mean, these are giant fucking corporations.
They don't give you all the news you need.
The idea that these bloggers and these people that are like, they're Not less informative, they're not like less reliable.
They're people that easily could be working for NBC or CBS or ABC2.
They're fucking journalists.
They're just a new version of journalists that does shit online.
And yeah, there's some people that are irreputable, but then their reputation is that they suck.
You know, when someone online, you know, when it's been proven by a bunch of different websites, this guy puts out bad information, then they become discredited.
I mean, it's like a natural process.
And for Obama to say that that's not the case and that there's something bad about all this new access to information, that just shows me two things.
One, he's full of shit.
And two, they're dealing with a lot of pressure.
They're getting jacked left and right about all sorts of things.
There's like a video out right now of him on the campaign trail talking about no-bid contracts for like Halliburton and shit like that.
He just fucking gave Halliburton some giant $500 million no-bid contract.
His whole fucking platform was that he was going to end no-bid contracts.
And he just goes and does it.
I mean, he's a fucking, he's, oh, no more lobbyists.
I mean, well, he hires a bunch of them.
I mean, the whole idea behind being a president is that you're supposed to be some sort of a leader.
And what you promise us is supposed to be something that you're going to, you're going to, when you get in office, you're going to change shit.
They get criticized by the Democrats when they do certain things.
But once the Democrats get in office, there's not nearly as many people criticizing Obama for sending 30,000 troops over to Afghanistan after winning the Nobel Prize.
Not nearly as many as we're criticizing George Bush.
Especially the documentary The Corporation, where they talk about a corporation as a sociopath.
They don't worry at all about their...
They don't worry about who their actions hurt and that being in a corporation is sort of like there's a diffusion of responsibility because there's so many other people that are doing the same thing.
And I wonder like when you get a guy like Obama, I wonder if they start out with the right intentions and they start out really thinking that they're going to make a change.
But once they get in office, once they get in there, maybe then it's like they realize like, you know, like you don't get the change shit.
Like they're getting rid of don't ask, don't tell, right?
So you're going to be able to say that you're gay.
And he's also like the medical marijuana thing.
They said that they're not going to go after, they're only going to go after, the DEA will only go after medical marijuana dispensaries that violate both state and federal law.
So the federal law is all marijuana is illegal.
The state law is very clearly defined what you're allowed to do medically.
And a lot of people don't operate within those parameters and they sell a bunch of shit to people that don't have licenses.
So the idea was they're going to go after those people.
I think the way that the system is set up is that this is what bothers me the most about politics, is for some reason, you're not allowed to admit fault in politics.
You can't be like, I did something, this didn't work out.
Like that's the system that's set up.
And that part is like, it is thought out.
Whatever decision you made, we're going to make it look like it was the right decision.
The most depressing thing about politics is that politics are real.
And that you could lose your fucking life paying attention to it.
If you start talking like there's some new Supreme Court justice nominee that Obama likes, it looks like a lesbian, and everybody's all bummed out about it, and there's all this debate.
I'm like, God damn, do I really have to fucking think about this?
Do I really have to, I mean, you do, supposedly, if you're a good citizen, you're supposed to pay attention because lives could change and, you know, you could be in a situation where one of her rulings directly affects you.
I went to college with, and one night, a Saturday night, I went to a, I was not in a fraternity, but I went to a party that a fraternity had.
I think it was the Pie Cap fraternity, and then as I left, there is another fraternity next door, they had like their fraternity house, right?
And I'm walking back, and this fucking guy, Brian Jack was his name, he beat up, like physically pummeled seven guys and like full fucking ninja Rambo style, like where it wasn't even like he literally punched a guy and then did like a roundhouse kick and then rolled, did like a fucking like a somersault and like rolled up and punched another guy and just destroyed it where you're like, it was like a video game.
You're like, uh-uh, oh my god, oh my god, like just freaking out watching this guy just why did he get in the fight?
He was, he's a total fucking, like, he was a very independent, like, sort of a loner, like, super athlete, like, had that quality of, like, like, of what, like, the best athletes do where it's, like, unbelievable work ethic when it comes to, like, like his, you know, working out and, like, training.
And just kind of a very peculiar, independent dude.
And, you know, didn't, I mean, kind of kept to himself, but also didn't fuck, like, didn't take any shit from anybody.
And he was walking, I think, through the yard of the fraternity guys who were dressed in like their, their Sunday best, like, they had their, their dockers on and their ties.
Like, so they were dressed up.
And to the best that I can remember, somebody said something to him that didn't fucking hit him the right way.
Like, like, you know, about like maybe walking through their lawn or like why he was at their house or something.
And I don't remember exactly how it started, but I know how it fucking ended.
Like, Brian Jack fucking laid out everybody who was basically in this fraternity.
Like, and it was like, it was pretty fucking impressive.
There's a fucking gay porn star named Buck Something or other, and it used to be a woman, and she took hormones and became a man, and is a male porn star, but he has a vagina.
And that's the idea is that they killed a guy to make people more excited.
They found some guy over there.
He's doing what he's not supposed to be doing, going to a place where he's not supposed to be going.
And so they jacked him, arrested him, and cut his fucking head off so that he could act as like a deterrent for people that want to go and investigate this.
You know, that's a big PR strategy, man, for a guy like that.
You know, you could take a guy and use him as a tool.
Like, say if some guy finds out some shit he's not supposed to find out or goes somewhere he's not supposed to go and then you know, if he could encourage other people to do it, they could have a real problem.
They just cut this guy's head off and make a video out of it.
And now, not only will that shit never happen again, nobody wants to go over there now.
They're cutting your fucking head off and putting it on a video.
And you see that guy gag and gurgle and make those horrible noises while he's still alive and they're sawing through his fucking neck.
And it gets people all fired up about going to war, you know, in a war that's not a very popular war, you know?
I guess, man, there's a certain amount of people that feel like, you know, you have a goal and you have a job and you do that job and your objective is to fucking, you know, do whatever they're, you know, do whatever the orders are.
And the orders are to kill this guy because you're going to make a video and this guy's going to be a martyr and, you know, we're going to use him as a publicity tool.
All right, bitch, guess you got to die.
You know, I mean, how many fucking people have been killed in interrogations that were innocent?
I mean, how many people are in Guantanamo Bay that are innocent?
How many people have been killed by accidental bombs, you know, that hit apartment buildings and shit?
At a certain number, you see a certain amount of casualties.
I think life starts to get real cheap.
You know, you see a certain amount of collateral damage that happens.
It's just a part of the game.
I think for a lot of these guys, life just starts to get cheap.
Scary shit, the idea that someone is willing to cut someone's fucking head off for a video.
But if you look at like Operation Northwoods, if you look at that idea, the idea of attacking Americans and blaming it on Cubans so that we could go to war, it really fits into the whole past scheme of things.
And Paul Daly's trying to gouge his eyes while he's on the bottom.
It was crazy, man.
And he was just like, I don't know what the fuck he said, but whatever he said, it was driving him nuts.
So anyway, the bell ends to the round.
He gets off this dude and starts to walk away.
And Paul Daly walks up behind him, like when, like, walks up behind the referee, walks up to him, and sucker punches him after the fight was over.
Yeah, gets booted from the UFC for life.
Which, you know, can't do that.
You know, that, that, you know, you can't have a fight and then try to sucker punch a guy because you didn't get to hit him for 15 minutes because he was too good.
Like he asked him apparently after the fight was over, do you still want to fight in the UFC?
You know, like why are you doing shit like this?
And he like shrugged his shoulders and walked away.
And Dana White was like, good.
Well, now you won't.
I'll make that decision for you.
And just like, you can't do shit like that.
If you do, you've got to keep your composure.
Like, you talk a lot of shit before the fight.
And this guy talks mad shit.
Like, that's his thing.
And Koschek talks mad shit too.
So Paul Daly and Koschak were just going back and forth and back and forth.
And it generated an incredible amount of interest in the fight, but it also put an incredible amount of pressure on him.
And when he was getting his ass kicked, and when it was over, and he just got molested for fucking three rounds, like, and the knee, which may or may not have hit Koschek, and, you know, it made it look like a big deal.
And Koschek, like, was lying on his stomach and, you know, was like making it look like he was out.
And then when the referee said to him, the referee said, get up, I saw the replay.
Dan Mergliata goes, get up, I saw the replay.
It didn't hit you.
He goes, well, can you get this Vaseline out of my eye?
He gets the Vaseline out of his eye and he goes back to fighting like normal.
Like, what happened?
You were almost dead just a few seconds ago.
So it was, I think that was all a part of his psychological strategy to just fuck that dude's head up.
Yeah, he's a fucking, he wears the best black hat in the business.
You know, so he did that.
But dude, the fucking disappointment in the Canadians when he goes, don't worry about it because Pittsburgh's going to kick your fucking ass next week.
They were like, no!
It was like, you said something about their mother, man.
They were so fucking upset.
Dude, they were so upset.
I've never seen a crowd more universally excited about a sport and a team than the Canadians are about their hockey.
Dude, when they won, we got there Thursday night and they won.
And they won from behind.
They came from behind and won.
And when we were driving, right when we were driving, the game got out and they won.
And the fucking cab driver is telling us, oh, he's talking to us in French, telling us, you know, with his French accent, they won.
Did they find the leader to hold him back?
They could not hold him back.
He took to make the goal.
They tried to stop him.
He could not stop him.
And he's fucking crazy.
He's beeping his horn.
And everybody else is beeping their horn.
It was a fucking party down the street, dude.
Every car was honking their horn.
People were jumping on top of hoods of cars and screaming and yelling.
If you haven't seen the video, it's unremarkable other than the fact that it's just another group of retarded fucking religious people screaming and yelling.
They're the most scary because Christians, you know, you're allowed to draw Jesus.
It's forums.jorogan.net, and that's the main forum for my website.
It's a pretty fucking crazy website.
All the podcasts go on there.
I used to put a lot of blogs up, and I still will write some, but right now I'm in the middle of writing a movie.
Or a movie?
No, a book.
And so I got an idea for a movie.
But I'm writing a book, and once I'm done with that, then I'll be doing a lot more blogs again.
But I got a couple more months to write this book.
Mostly about stand-up comedy, my early days, like crazy stories and shit.
Obama's a fucking liar.
During the campaign, he was listening to his iPod playlist.
That's true.
So he knows how to use a fucking iPod.
Yes, rivalries.
You're correct, sir.
Obama is a fucking liar.
I don't know why that's annoying to me, but that shit is very, very annoying.
Okay, wearing gold jewelry.
In one part of the Nick Berg video, you can see a military cap move in front of the camera.
He was working on phone lines.
He was working on a tower over in Abu Ghraib.
He took digital pictures of inside Abu Ghraib, hence the kidnapping.
So that's why they killed that guy.
That's obviously a conspiracy theory by my man Rivalries.
But that would make sense.
If that guy had witnessed, you know, the Abu Ghraib atrocities before we're talking about the guy who got his head cut off when they said that he was actually his head was cut off by CIA guys.
It totally makes sense, you know?
I think they'd be willing to do something like that.
We need a radical restructuring of our entire fucking society, our entire world.
And that's not going to happen anytime in our lifetime.
So, what do we do?
Do we put a patch on things?
No, you try to control your micro world.
That's what you do, ladies and gentlemen.
This is my advice: you want some advice: control all the people that are around you, control what you do for a living, control your body, control your mind, control how you treat other people and what kind of treatment you'll accept from other people.
If you do that, and if that shit spreads, and if people learn by your example, then you really can make a change and a difference.
And you can make changes, like, in your life and people's lives around you, too.
You know what I mean?
Like, if you want to fucking, like we're talking about, you can, you can get away from shit that's not affecting you in a good way and get away from people that are not good for you.
The people in your life, the way you think, the way you behave.
You can control all that.
You know, the real problem with us is that we have so much more access to human beings and to connecting to each other than we ever had in the past.
That's why people feel like they can be so douchey on message boards because there's no social consequence.
There's no consequence to emailing someone on MySpace and just saying nasty, fucked up shit to them.
You know, how many comics have you talked to that get horrible fucking messages on Facebook and on Twitter and dudes just say shit just to get attention?
Why would they even want to reach out to someone like that?
Why would they even want to do that?
Like, what is that all about?
Well, it's all about the same thing.
It's all about we've lost some sort of a connection with each other because there's too fucking many of us.
That's why local shit is the only shit that works.
You know, small groups, the people that you actually impact, like the people that you impact in your personal life, the people that you impact in local politics, the people you impact at your job and whatever the fuck you do for your living, you know, how you impact those people.
That shit's all real.
It's just the matter is, how do you get it to work like that with the whole big giant group?
And if you are a funny person and you are a funny stand-up comedian and don't assume that you have to live your life the same way that got you there with no discipline and no self-control.
You can get your shit together, even though neither Tommy nor myself have our shit together.
And yes, I am sponsored by a fleshlight, but if it sucked, I would quit the sponsorship and I would tell you, I would not sell you anything that I don't think is real.
I will guarantee you this.
I'm not saying that I will never have sponsors, but I am saying that I will never try to endorse something that I don't think is an awesome product.
And this is a goddamn awesome product.
And it's for beating off, which I'm for.
Probeating off.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for tuning into the podcast.
We will see you next week, next Tuesday, same bat time, same bat channel, 3 p.m.
Pacific, unless Mrs. Rogan busts out the baby, because she's ready to do it any day now.