Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool

All Episodes

Previous Next

May 12, 2010 - The Joe Rogan Experience

02:21:55

Joe Rogan Experience #20 - Tom Segura

Participants

Main voices

joe rogan

01:42:48

tom segura

34:15

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Show episode speakers

Speaker	Time	Text
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		On Ustream and that should be it.
		There we go, ladies and gentlemen.
		Welcome to uh what week is it?
		I don't know.
		Fucking week 20 of the Ustream podcast and the iTunes podcast, which has taken over in popularity, far more popular on the iTunes than the Ustream.
		For all those fine folks out there listening on your way to work or when you're supposed to be doing work or when you're supposed to be doing homework or whatever the fuck you're doing.
		Thank you very much for tuning in.
		This show is now officially sponsored by The Fleshlight.
		I don't know if you knew about that, Tommy.
		I'm here with my buddy Tommy Segura, aka Tommy Buns.
		Tommy is here because his, well, first of all, he's here because he's a hilarious stand-up comedian and a good buddy of mine.
		And because his CD comes out today.
		He's got a new CD called Thrill.
		You got to wear it.
unidentified		I do.
		I do have a week.
		Show the folks.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's Tommy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It looks like Michael Jackson, but it's Tommy.
unidentified		Yeah, it's me.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes, very funny.
		Tommy and I met when I was doing this tour for Maxim and Bud Light and me and Charlie Murphy and John Heffron.
		And we would travel all across the country.
		We did like 20 different stops.
		And we used local guys.
		Like every place we went to, we had a local comic would go up and perform.
		And Tommy was the funniest of all of them.
		He was really, I was really shocked.
		Like every now and then you see a comedian.
		It's uncomfortable.
		I'll say this for you right here.
		But every now and then you see a comedian, you know, and you're like, oh, I didn't even know this guy was around.
		How's he fucking so funny?
		You know, most of the time, like, when someone's funny, like, you know, you know who they are.
		You know what I'm saying?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You hear about them already.
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, totally.
		Yeah.
		I appreciate that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You hear that echo?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's my other computer in the background.
unidentified		But yeah, I know.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		When you travel and you see people, then you're like, hey, where do you go up?
		Because I've never seen you.
		Especially when they live in the middle.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		When they're funny.
		But it's so rare when they're funny.
		That's the thing.
		It's like, you know, like most comics, like if you say like comics that you don't know, what percentage of them don't make you laugh?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Percentage of comics don't make me laugh?
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, well up into like the 85th percentile.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's a weird thing.
		And I understand that comedy is different.
		There's some things that some people like that I don't like or I like that some people don't like.
		You know, there's a lot of infantile, ridiculous, silly comedy.
		He can't turn up the microphone.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		All the way.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It says.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I think it's on as loud as it can go, ladies and gentlemen.
		Hold on a second.
		Maybe there's some sort of an input.
unidentified		Is it really that low?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Is that any better?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I know I need to project.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This, I hope we're not in some weird thing here.
		It's on a blue snowball, right?
		Yeah, it's working.
		Sorry.
		Is it really that low, ladies and gentlemen?
		Turn the microphone up a bit.
		I don't think I can.
		I don't think there's anything I can do other than where it's at right now.
		Some people say it sounds fine.
		Some people say it's pretty quiet.
		Well, do you have a volume on your motherfucking phone or whatever you're watching this on?
		Because work that shit, yo.
		Um, what happened?
		We have a little issue here.
		A little technological issue.
		Lost the screen.
		Yeah, on with the show indeed.
		As this man said, we were just too far.
		All right, well, we're right up to it right now.
		Anyway, the percentage of comics that suck, I would have to say it's probably like 80.
		It's probably like 80.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's really 80.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And that's discounting for, like, there's a lot of people that I know are good.
		They're just not my style.
		I totally accept that and appreciate that.
		But, like, when you go on the road and you see someone and, you know, you never heard about this guy before, and you see him, and they're hilarious.
		You're like, whoa, how fun is that?
		It's fucking awesome, isn't it?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's the best thing, yeah.
		Because even, like, sometimes you'll kind of like enjoy somebody and you can go, like, oh, that was a well-written joke.
		Like, that's good joke structure or something.
		But, like, when you actually turn up, like, laughing, like you're grabbing your gut and you're just, that's hilarious.
		That's fun.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's rare.
		It's like you just found a gift, you know?
		Because it's like, especially as comedians, like, you see everything coming or you see a lot of things coming rather.
		And, like, when you run into someone who's really funny, like, it's like, oh, here's another one.
		They're out there.
		I know they're out there.
		It's because you'll see so many guys that fucking suck.
		And what they're talking about is just nonsense.
		And it's just stupidity.
		And you know that they're not even really thinking about what they're saying.
		It's not anything that they've really like come to some weird conclusion.
		It's just a bunch of nonsense designed to make you laugh.
		And that shit is hard to deal with over and over and over again.
		It makes you lose faith in it.
		And you wonder, like, for comics, like, shit, like, what is it like, like, you know, coming up in this day?
		You know, but when I was coming up, it was, there was a lot more comedy clubs, a lot more different comedians to, like, to look at.
		There was a lot of shit going on, a lot of action.
		It seems like there's way less action now.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, definitely, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's way less good guys coming up.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Or people coming up in general.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It just seems to be a smaller community.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think so, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like nationwide, right?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think so, yeah.
		There's like a few places that are really, like, when you go to, you're like, oh, this place has a good, like, comedy community within it, you know?
		Like, I kind of felt that way in like Austin.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Where I was like, they're really trying to, like, like, develop comics here.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But I don't really feel that way in most places.
		Like, most places, it's just like, I don't know.
		It's like the mall or something.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's just fucking hard to do.
		It seems a lot easier than it really is.
		It's like once you get good at it, it kind of becomes easy.
		You're just kind of like, you know, you understand what it takes to write a joke.
		And it's just a matter of putting in the time, putting in the effort.
		But to get to a point where you're actually funny is such a long fucking process.
		Like, people don't realize, like, you see a guy like, you know, anybody, Joey Diaz.
		Joey Diaz is a great example because Joey Diaz is fucking hilarious.
		But when I met Joey Diaz, Joey Diaz was not funny.
		And that sounds crazy because he's one of The funniest people I think I've ever met in my life.
		And he would say funny shit off stage, but he could never be that funny on stage.
		And he could never make it happen.
		And somewhere along the line, he just figured it out.
		He figured out how to be himself, who he is, like in the parking lot of the comedy store.
		He figured out how to be that guy on stage.
		And all of a sudden, bam, it was just, he nailed it and knocked it out of the park.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But that's like the hardest thing to do, right?
		I mean, that's super hard.
		Like, because I meet people now who I'm like, you talk to them and you're like, oh, you're really funny.
		But then it's like they're too forced and contrived on stage.
		And you're like, you got to figure out how to make the guy who you are offstage just walk on stage.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There was a guy that was doing stand-up who I thought was really funny.
		But he was doing this weird thing where he was talking so fast that he would take this breath in between his things.
		And then the government, the government wanted to do this Obama situation with gays in the military.
		And he was going so fast, he kept taking this in, it was audible, really loud, like a singer.
		And especially if you're baked, you could focus on something like that.
		That's all you look for.
		And you can forget exactly what he's saying.
unidentified		And all he's saying.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I would just focus on his crazy, that little breath thing that he does.
		It's just Joey Diaz, when I talk to him about it, and we've talked about it a bunch of times.
		He says that what happened was he just realized how to not give a fuck.
		He said he was too concerned with agents and managers and all that shit.
		And he was too concerned with people giving him advice.
		And he said it took, you know, like realizing, somewhere along the line, just realizing that these guys are all a bunch of dummies.
		Like seeing a bunch of them get fired, seeing managers and agents fail miserably and fall by the wayside and executives get fired and the people that hire people turn to drugs and become fucking chaos and a mess.
		And so he just had to realize like, oh, these aren't like intelligent.
		This isn't like a really like well-set up artistic environment.
		They don't know what they want.
		They just want you to kill, you know, and they can tell you all day they want you to be squeaky clean.
		You've got to do this.
		But if you're dirty and you destroy, they want you, right?
		You know, see a guy like Cat Williams or, you know, of course, Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock and all these different guys who have had, you know, Sam Kinnison and dirty acts, but so hilarious that they were undeniable.
		So even in the era back then, which is pre-internet, you know, the Kinnison days were all pre-internet, which is way harder to be dirty because you only had HBO.
		That was your only outlet for people to find out who the fuck you were.
		Which is scary if you think about it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		In comparison to like what we have today, you know?
		But even then, man, all you have to do is be so good that they don't give a fuck.
		So good that they let it go.
		And Joey figured out how to do that, you know?
		But for the longest time, man, he couldn't do it.
		It's hard to find a guy who gets it right.
		There was another guy, Kurt Metzger.
		I worked with him in Montreal this weekend.
		Fucking hilarious.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I know, Kurt.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Very funny.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He's very funny.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Super funny.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Really good.
		There's just not enough.
		There's not enough good guys out there.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And he's another guy probably, like, when you saw him, you're like, who the fuck is this?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, Ari had actually already told me he was funny.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, he's really funny.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, we were working this little tiny club in Montreal.
		I did this theater called Metropolis.
		It's like a thousand seats or something like that.
		And then the day before, we did this local club called The Comedy Works, which I used to do when I was living in Boston.
		I was living in Boston, one of my first road gigs.
		I used to go up to this guy, Jimbo, owns this club in Montreal.
		It's the best club ever, man.
		It's fucking this tiny little room.
		There's only like maybe 100 people can fit, and they're all stuffed into this place.
		And it's just old school, man.
		The microphone sucks.
		The wall behind you is stupid.
		You know, there's fucking curtains over these windows behind you, and they have them covered with these old, dusty, fucked up curtains.
		But it doesn't matter.
		It's the best.
		It's awesome.
		It's just this little tight place.
		And he was headlining there this week, Kurt Metzger.
		And he was really fucking funny.
		And another one, we hung out.
		You know, me and him and Ari went out and got something to eat.
		And like I could tell right away, here's another comic.
		He's a real comic.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, exactly.
		Yeah.
		And it's cool.
		Like you really feel like you want to, when you meet guys like that, you want to stay in touch with them.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like soldiers on the battlefield.
		You know, you run into each other, like, wow, here we go.
		We got another one.
		What people don't realize about comedians, and it sounds screwy that we're talking about this, making a big deal out of it, but there's not that many of them.
		When you look at the world, okay, look at the United States.
		Let's just look at our country.
		300 million people in the United States.
		How many comedians?
		There might be a thousand.
		Might be a thousand professional comedians out of 300 million.
		How many of them are actually funny?
		It might be 300.
		Maybe 300 out of 1,000.
		And that's being generous.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So there's 300 people out of 300 million.
		That's one in a million.
		That's fucking bananas.
		I said bananas again early.
		I said bananas like 50 times last week and I said I wasn't going to say it this week.
		That's my latest thing, man.
		Whenever I think anything's crazy, I go 1960s on myself.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I repeat the shit out of out of control.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Say something's out of control.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And I say fired up.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, the problem is when you do it in a two-hour podcast once a week, after a while, people are like, dude, will you shut the fuck up with the bananas?
		You're listening to a guy say the same words.
		It's like, you realize when you do something like this how important it is to vary your speech and not get locked into patterns of behavior.
		You ever heard rappers who, you know what I'm saying?
		You know what I'm saying?
unidentified		You know what I'm saying?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like Kimbo Slides does, you know what I'm saying?
		Like every other word.
		No, saying I'm here to put these things on.
		You know what I'm saying?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
		Of course.
		I've heard so many interviews with athletes that say that it's, you know what I'm saying, after everything.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What's hilarious is when you hear comics use nigger, like a rapper will use nigger, and this nigga try to tell me, I'm like, nigga, you better get the fuck out of my face, nigga.
		I know what the fuck's going on, nigga.
		And like they'll say it so many times.
		And they'll say it on stage the way guys will say it offstage.
		There's something that gets lost when you do that.
		You got to recognize that like free speech offstage is not good enough to be bottled up and packaged.
		If you're going to sell it, you got to have a better economy of words.
		I'll catch myself sometimes saying fuck too much on stage because it's just natural because you do it in real life.
		Like this fucking guy in a stupid fucking idea.
		But you can't, if you do that, it fucks up the bits because they lose any potential impact.
		You know, the concept, People get distracted by you saying, even though this is just how you express yourself and it's natural, people will get distracted if you use too many of the same words over and over again, like a swear, like fuck.
		If you use it over and over and over again, like in more than one sentence, you can do it for one bit, like if you're just so ridiculously upset at something.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, that you just, and it's part of what you're doing.
		But then you have to make sure that you, there's like a peak and a valley in your act.
		You have to make sure that once you hit like all these extra fucks, like there's no fucks coming for a while after this.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Sure, sure, yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, because then like when you do it a lot also, like in one bit, if you say fuck like a hundred times, you realize that you're essentially, it's replacing other words that, you know what I mean, that could make that bit funnier or character.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right, and it's more like an uh.
		It's like a replacement for uh.
		Like this uh guy, so it's like you're just kind of admitting that you're you don't have a cohesive idea.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		The other one, like the I used to do this all the time, and now I do it less, but I still catch myself going into it, is saying, like, when you're saying a bit, then going right at the end of it, and you don't realize you're saying it, but you don't, because you're trying to basically validate what you're saying.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		So like, like, sort of subconsciously, I would say a sentence and be like, right.
		And then I walked in, right?
		And the guy was like, right.
		And then I listened to him.
		I'm like, that sounds fucking like, like an imbecile.
		He sounds like a fucking idiot right now.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's why it's so important to listen to your shit.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's so important to watch your stuff and listen to your stuff.
		And it's so painful.
		People think that comedians are like, look at me up there.
		I'm killing.
		When I watch my stuff, even stuff that I did that I like, I don't like watching it.
		Like even Talking Monkeys in Space, which was like my best special, I don't like watching that fucking thing.
		It feels gross.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I hate watching myself, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And then you start judging your bits and going, ooh, I don't even have the new tagline when I did this one.
		Like sometimes you'll do a bit, and then right after you come up with this bit, it's like, you know, you think you got it nailed and you put it on a CD, and then like a week later, you have the best fucking tagline that changes the whole bit.
		It makes it so much better.
		You want to like go back in time.
		You want to rewind yourself and not release it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		On this, I already have like a few things that I started step two and then I'm like, oh man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I know.
		And people who don't do it don't understand how maddening that is.
		That's why like a lot of comics have a hard time.
		Once you do your set, you just want to get out of there and move on with your life.
		You don't want to like really objectively go over all the beats and try to figure out what you did wrong and what you did right.
		But if you don't do that, man, it's not as good.
		You have to make sure you do that.
unidentified		[background noise]
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Up towards the red is like on the Ustream producer.
		That's how you get it as loud as we can.
		People still complain about this shit.
		You know, the fact that I have Brian, he records almost all my sets, that's so huge for me.
		That's helped me so much.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That I'm super.
		And also, like, there's little things that he does.
		Like, I'm saying, I guess it's just an all-around praise of Brian, but like, it's so cool.
		I always dug the posters.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, those are awesome.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Those are awesome.
unidentified		He makes those.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
unidentified		Those are really cool.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, and he captures a lot of cool shit offstage.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, that's awesome, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's like one of the best things about the internet is being able to connect with people like that.
		Just weirdo, fucking creative people.
		You know, and then in Brian's case, he brought on working for me.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think you're, do you think, like, of all, like, the working, like, big-name comics, you're probably on top of it the most, right?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like, media, like, internet stuff?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Dane Cook's probably, he's way better at it than me.
		The whole like Twitter shit, you know, the reason why I even got into that is because I saw what it was doing for him.
		That's a fact.
		Yeah, I always say that.
		When people compare, like, try to compare him to other comedians with shady reputations, you know, I say Dane has done a lot more for comedy than guys like Mancia by a long shot because he's like opened up people's eyes to what you could do yourself.
unidentified		Sure.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Because before that, the reality is none of us are the type of guys that are going to be self-promoters.
		Like comics are not self-promoters.
		It's just, it's not normal.
		He's an aberration, Dan Cook is.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's like an unnatural thing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, I don't know if it's an unnatural thing, but it goes contrary to like what I was talking on.
		I was doing the Sid Rosenthal show on the radio before I did this.
		And we were talking about like, he was like saying, rank yourself amongst comedians.
		And I said, comedians, that's the last thing you ever want to think about is where do I stand?
		You know, is this guy better than me or that guy better than me?
		You don't even want to judge yourself.
		You just want to just try to concentrate all your energy on doing the best shit.
		The last thing you want to concentrate on is pumping up your own ego.
		And, you know, just, or even judging yourself at all.
		Judge the material.
		Go over the material, look at it, try to make it better, but always be focused on that.
		Like the, like putting out the best shit.
		That's what you're focused on.
		Not like where you fit in with everybody else.
		That's like an enemy.
		That's like the enemy of creativity is that kind of ego shit when you get involved in that.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And it's also like the one thing, I mean, I always feel like the one thing you can control, like for sure, is what you're writing and doing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		So it's like, you really can't control the other shit.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like if somebody wanted to put you on the 10 best list of comics, or like the 10 best list.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And they put the guy right before you that you hate.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That you hate.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And you think he sucks.
unidentified		But it's out of your control.
unidentified		It's all not.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's all out of your control.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's fucking...
		It's absurd to even like...
		And it was like, you know, I mean, it's all subjective, but I'm like, this is absolute.
		Like, some of it was cool, and some of it was like, who is this?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		"I know this person is awful." You know, instead of doing something like that, You know, the fucking seven comics you want to look out for.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		How about just do something on someone you think is funny?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, this whole like, what's the best band?
		The fucking, the bands that you like, I probably think fucking suck.
		You know, and there's a lot of shit that I like that sucks.
		Sure.
		A lot of people think it sucks.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Sure.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, like, you know, that song, The Fray, How to Save a Life?
		It's one of the gayest songs of all time.
		All right.
		But I fucking like it, man.
		I like it.
		I know people say it sucks.
		I know that if I played it at a party with all my friends, if I played it loud, they'd be like, what the fuck are you doing?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But there's a lot of 90s R ⁇ B that I would like to.
unidentified		Really?
unidentified		What kind of shit?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like SWV.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What's SWV?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's sisters with voices.
unidentified		Get the fuck out of here.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's absurd, and I will fucking crank that shit in my car.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		How's it going?
		Give me a sample of it.
		Should we find it?
		Yes.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's supposedly some way that I can do some fucking screenshot in here and drag the stuff in, but I fucked it all up.
		So I don't know how to do that.
		But we'll go to YouTube.
		The beautiful thing about YouTube is you can find pretty much anything.
		But Sisters with Voices.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Or you just type in SWV.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It'd be better that way.
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		SWV.
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You're gonna, I mean, it's gonna be ridiculous to you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Okay.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		There's one.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Where?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right here?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Human nature mix?
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Here we go, ladies and gentlemen.
		Brought to you by the power of cable.
		What are you talking about?
		This is Michael Jackson.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		They're using a loop from that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They ripped off Michael Jackson and they're fishing.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		They're fishing and they got matching Brooks Brothers gear on.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, wow.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I like this shit.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This isn't bad enough.
		Yeah, I'm sorry.
		Sorry, fella.
		That's not bad enough.
		If you're going to show me something bad, it's got to be really bad.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You don't think that's that bad, huh?
unidentified		No.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You kind of dig it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's not good.
		It's not good.
		It's not good, but it's atrocious.
		You ever hear, like, what is that?
		The fucking, it's hard out here in the D?
		There's a fucking rap song.
		Hold on.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, and do you ever dig like a...
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's hard out here in the D is like one of the worst fucking rap songs ever.
		Like it's so bad.
		It's these like Detroit people.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Fuck, where is it?
		It's not it.
		That's not it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You dig this though?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's so bad.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's awesome.
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Do you like ever like a techno song?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Sometimes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Most of the time I find that stuff to be like annoying.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But every once in a while one will catch you, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, it's different though if I'm hammered and I'm at a club.
unidentified		You know?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah, then you'll just play.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, you know, you get interested in music that you ordinarily wouldn't get interested in.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It says it's so cold in the D?
unidentified		Is that it?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Is it so cold in the D?
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You might be right, sir.
unidentified		Let me check.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		here we are This is another thing, this so cold in the D. This is something that you should have never found out about that.
		Here it is.
		This is it.
		So cold in the D. Oh, no, it's not you.
		You're trying to.
		This is some dude trying to get people to watch him.
		There's all these kids that have shows on the internet, and every now and then you stumble on one like this guy.
		This guy, he's got 300 fucking thousand views on one of these videos.
		Here it is.
		It's so cold in the D. This is so bad, dude.
		I don't know why this is so bad.
		I didn't mean to mute it, ladies and gentlemen.
		I don't know what I'm doing here.
		You should have a nah.
		It's so cold in the D that's for real.
unidentified		Wow.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		How did you find this, dude?
unidentified		Why don't we have two...
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I have to figure out how to do this.
		There's no way.
		And when Brian's not here, I have no idea how to work all this shit.
		But I do have some fucking serious high-tech MP3 type recorder shit now.
		And these regular microphones.
		If you guys have any complaints, I love to hear them.
		You know, if you have a problem with the sound or anything else, like, fucking keep it coming.
		I like to hear it.
		Trying to make this thing as good as I can.
		Anyway, so we were talking about comedians.
		And I was telling you earlier, oh, the fleshlight.
		That was the thing I want to talk about.
		Have you ever fucked one of those?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The fucking house came out.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Have you ever fucked one of those?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you fuck a fleshlight.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Is this really a sponsor of yours?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
unidentified		Really?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'm sponsored now by much to the fucking angst of my management company.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This is Jenna Fine's butthole.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Is it really?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Or Jenna Hayes' butthole?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It smells like someone's butthole.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Just rubber.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It doesn't smell good, right?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That doesn't smell good.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, you could always smell it.
		Put some roses on it before you fuck it.
		But these fucking things, my manager was, this is the craziest thing that anybody's ever given me.
		When they give me advice, told me, and I'm like, it's a masturbation tool.
		What's the big deal?
		And he's like, well, it's pornographic.
		Because I guess it's like a rubber pussy.
		And I go, how is it pornographic?
		It's a masturbation tool.
		How is that pornographic?
		It's a fake vagina.
		He goes, well, you use it when you watch pornography.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That doesn't make sense.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's ridiculous.
		What terrible advice is that?
		You use it while you watch pornography.
		And then Ari Shafir goes, so by that standard, my sock is pornographic.
		Which is, you know, yeah, what the fuck, man?
		Come on.
		That's pornographic.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		A rubber butthole.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Then my stomach is really pornographic.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The idea is that we're still living in this childish world where you're supposed to pretend that you don't masturbate.
		And if you're admitting that you masturbate, which we all should, there's nothing fucking wrong with it.
		This is way better than jerking off.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Can I see?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my goodness.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		This is a jersey.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They're so good, man.
		It's way better.
		You squirt some lube in there and you fuck the shit out of them.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Have you done that?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I've done it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's awesome.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Not this one, though.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Not that one.
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, I wouldn't do that to you.
unidentified		Thanks, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, wow.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's really soft.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, dude.
		They have some sort of special patent on what the vagina and butthole rubber is made out of.
		It's like some special fucking thing.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's great, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Dude, it's outstanding.
		It's 100 times better than beating off.
		And I'm not joking.
		And I'm not being a sellout here.
		Look, don't buy it if you don't want to buy it.
		I'm not saying you should go out and buy it.
		I mean, there's a lot of other things I'm sure that you'd probably need in your life more than you need a rubber vagina.
		But if you're in the market for a rubber vagina, I fucking highly recommend it.
		If you're the type of dude who jerks off, and we all do, especially if you do it, you did like a daily thing to you, that's way better.
		Without getting too graphic, I can't even describe how much better it is.
		All I'm saying is, lazy chicks, okay, you're going to have to pick up your game.
		This is just the beginning, okay?
		Once they figured out this, what they figured out, the most difficult part, they figured out a way to master an artificial vagina.
		They mastered it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's really fantastic?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Fantastic.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'm not bullshitting you.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Really?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's not like some hard rubber thing.
		It feels like a pussy.
		It's incredible.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I will sample one and one.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		We will get you one, and we will get him one.
		We'll have Chris from Flushlight send one over to Tommy Segura.
		And Tommy will come back on the broadcast in the future after he's fucked it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yep.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And he'll tell us all about it.
		I'm telling you, man, for the longest time, and this was Chris, the guy who worked for the company, was describing it to me for the longest time.
		Women always had vibrators and dildos and this and that and rabbits and the fucking Sibian.
		No one ever had anything like that for dudes.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's kind of weird, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, not only that, it's like you're some kind of a fucking loser if you go and buy any of that shit anyway.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		If you're one of those dudes who goes out and buys like a rubber, like a rubber pussy to fuck at some sex shop, you're a sick fuck.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You're totally.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Most guys are never going to get past the embarrassment of walking through those beads and into that sex shop.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's horrifying.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And trying out all the different rubber pussies.
		You know what I'm saying?
		I mean, how do you know which one's for you?
		Oh, this one vibrates.
		Do you really want your dick to vibrate?
		No, probably not.
		It's like you're fucking a shaver.
		You know what I mean?
		Why would you want it to vibrate?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So you'd have to, like, either that or you'd have to go get what?
		A magazine that reviews.
		Hi, my name's Harry and I fucked everything.
		And this is what I think.
		It was difficult.
		But because of the internet now, all you have to do is you go to flashlight.com or whatever and you order it, you know?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it makes total sense, actually.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Is it easy to clean up, too?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes, it's very easy to clean up.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I think this thing is getting me off of here.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Is it?
unidentified		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No.
		Okay, I don't understand how that is.
		Yeah, it's super easy to clean up.
		You unscrew the top, you put it in the faucet, cleans it out.
		It's fucking, it's nothing.
		I mean, it's kind of gross.
		You feel like a total loser once you just shot a load in a rubber pussy.
		You never feel like a winner.
		But that just goes along with all masturbation.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I always feel like a loser when I'm done with my load shooting.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I have a whole joke about it.
		This whole bit about no matter what.
		When it's over, right when it's over, no matter who you are, you're a loser.
		You can be Michael Jordan.
		When you're just sitting there with a load in your stomach, like, what the fuck is wrong with me?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You get that heavy breathing kind of comes to an end and you're like, ah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I always say that I feel the same way after I jerk off as when I when I play Xbox for like nine hours in a row.
		That same feeling.
		Just like you just had a bunch of shit you were supposed to do and now it's two in the morning and you have to go to bed and you didn't do shit.
		You fucking loser.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I'm weak.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's what I tell myself.
unidentified		You're a weak person.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Do you struggle?
		A lot of comics struggle with self-indulgence.
		Do you struggle with that?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Big time.
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, God.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's definitely probably.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's so hard when no one's telling you what time you have to get up.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's so hard not to just get up at noon and just beat off all over yourself and go right back to sleep.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you're describing like the last few years of my life.
		And I'm like that with everything.
		It's all about sleeping in, jerking off, eating good food.
		And anything that feels good.
		I'm surprised I don't have needles in my arm sometimes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You and I were on the road once and we decided to get Krispy Kreme donuts at like one o'clock in the morning.
		We went off.
		Where the fuck was that?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Was that Tampa?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Was it?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Wait, no, if it was, yeah.
		Well, it wasn't Krispy Kreme though, right?
		Or was it Krispy Kreme?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I think it was.
		Or maybe it wasn't.
		It was some awesome donuts, whatever the fuck it was.
		But dude, we attacked those bitches and we both knew that we really shouldn't be doing it.
		And you had this look like, all right, fuck it, let's go.
		It was just like as if I asked you to go do some crank with me.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, I haven't been doing it, but fuck it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Let's go do it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And then I'm most like, like, if somebody gives me permission, that's what it's like.
		Like, I'm kind of like going through life waiting for somebody to give me permission.
		So it's like, if somebody's like, dude, do you want to do this?
		Because I'm going to do this.
		Then I go, I have no control.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, what is that, man?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What is that about comedians that just like are looking for any excuse to do the wrong thing?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		The wrong thing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's like, that's what feels good.
		It feels good to do the wrong shit.
		It's because what makes you become a comedian is you're resisting everything that everybody else wants you to do.
		You're resisting being polite because you're thinking rude shit, which is why you're funny.
		And you're saying that rude shit to get the laughs from people, so you're disturbing everybody.
		So you're resisting, like, the way to become good and to become funny is to be the guy that's willing to say that shit.
		I mean, that's why so many people say about comedians, like, oh, dude, I can't, you say shit that I think about all the time, but I never have the guts to say it.
		I mean, how many times do people say that?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Absolutely.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Especially if you nail some current events issue.
		They're like, dude, that's exactly what I thought, but I didn't have the balls to say it.
		It's like that willingness to say shit that's like inappropriate or that other people would think was offensive.
		That's like what makes you a comic in the first place.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Sure.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, so it's like, it's all like a part of your whole system.
		Like you want to, it's almost like we're designed to like not fit in.
		We're designed to like just step away from all of it and poke fun at it.
		So it makes it so hard to fucking get your shit together.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it does, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It makes it so hard to be disciplined and to show up for anything on time.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But you gotta have it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like, you have discipline, though, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'm not the best at it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I force myself to do certain things because I know that with my body, I'm a naturally, like, I have a lot of energy.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		you know, and I have a lot of aggressive energy.
		And my whole life, I've been doing martial arts since I was a child.
		So it's like literally, there's been no time where I haven't done it.
		That's something, whether it's kickboxing or jiu-jitsu or something.
		There's that explosive expenditure of energy has always been a part of my life.
		So if I take time off and I don't do it for like three or four days or something like that, I start getting really antsy.
		And I get this buildup and I just fucking, I just, I just want to get it out and I get annoyed in traffic and I snap at people when I shouldn't be snapping at them.
		I get upset about things that I shouldn't get upset at.
		But when I'm not doing that, when I'm training all the time and I'm even, then I'm just so mellow.
		It's like I feel like I can be me.
		I enjoy life more.
		I feel like there's less stress in my body so I can interpret the outside stress way better.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		So it's almost like dictated by the way you operate to be that way.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, you know, and it's also, you know, the way my mind developed too growing up.
		We moved a lot around a lot.
		I don't know my dad.
		I haven't talked to him since I was six years old or seven.
		I haven't seen him since I was six.
		Haven't talked to him since I was seven.
		So I was raised by my stepfather and we moved around a lot.
		So I always had to like fight against a lot of kids in different neighborhoods.
		There's always a lot of bullshit that I had to fight against.
		So my instincts are always to resist all the shit that's going on because people are just going to say stupid shit and get you in bad situations.
		So I grew up with that and then the physical thing, like fighting thing.
		So it's always resisting.
		Everything's resisting.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Which is, you know, terrible because then you resist your own direction and your own ideas.
		And you can have like a plan.
		Like, hey, I'm going to take care of my body.
		I'm going to, you know, eat certain foods because they're healthy.
		I'm going to work out, you know, in a certain time every day because that's what I really need to get done.
		I'm going to start writing material every day.
		Even though it's for you and it's a good thing and you'll enjoy every single moment of all of it, you still resist doing it because it's some sort of a plan.
		And anything that's a plan is like, oh, look at this stupid shit.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, exactly.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, and that's kind of like, I think every comic has that resistance to, for the most part, like, this is the status quo.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		Yeah.
		That's a big part of it, right?
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's kind of like why you're a stand-up.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's weird because the resistance makes you a comic, and at the same time, to a degree, if you're resistant to too much, it will hold you back from doing well at comedy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You have to realize somewhere along the line that the reason why you got into comedy is probably a bad reason.
		And for most of us, it's like we want an unnecessary amount of adulation.
		We want more attention than the other people do because we feel like we didn't get it when we were young.
		And so this crazy buildup.
		But then somewhere along the line, your motivation has to switch.
		You have to kind of understand what it really is.
		What I always say about it is like at a certain point in time, there's got to be a transition in your life as a comedian where you start doing it for the work and for the art and for the creation of something, the joy in making something that people enjoy instead of doing it so that people will like you, doing it so that you can get all this attention and adulation on stage.
		Because that's what when you want in the beginning, you just want to be the fucking man.
		You just want to get out there and kill.
		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And you want approval.
		It's just you want people to be like, you're great.
		And then if you have a great set and people tell you stuff and you realize how validating it was, then you realize how desperate you were.
		You know what I mean?
		Like when you feel so good, like you're so validated, so happy by that great show early on, you're just like, how bad did I need that?
		It's kind of disturbing that I fucking need people to be like, oh, you're so amazing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's weird, though, because that's the only thing that really creates comedy, though.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Otherwise, you probably are not going to be motivated enough to go through the beginning.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Because how brutal is the beginning?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's awful.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's awful, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		People don't know how painful it is to bomb on stage and how deserving it is.
		Like, you fucking deserve to bomb when you're bombing.
		You really do deserve it.
		When you're bombing, it's because you fucking really do suck and you're supposed to feel that shitty because you're not supposed to be demanding attention.
		You're not supposed to be with a microphone, with an amplified voice.
		Your opinion's not that interesting.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No, it's not.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And all these people hear that and it just drives them fucking nuts, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You're not well thought out.
		You haven't lived that much, probably, if you started young enough.
		You don't have that much experience.
		You don't know what you're talking about.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you're like fucking 21 years old.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you think you're smart, but you're not, you know, because it's like being your age now and you look back at yourself 10 years ago, you're like, I'm a fucking idiot.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Is there anything worse than 21-year-old kids that think they have the fucking political system wired and they want to talk about politics on stage?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, it's the worst, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It really tears you up.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's so silly.
		It's like, it's one thing if they have a valid point or a silly point or something like that.
		But when they start like telling you what's wrong with Republicans and you know, the Democrats are trying to do this, but the Republicans are trying to do that and they're stopping them and they're like, what are you fucking, what?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's, it's, it really, it really.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You have to be fucking old as shit for me to take you serious when it comes to politics.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I have to know that you've been paying attention to this at least abstractly for fucking decades.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Because you have to be old in order to have even a somewhat objective, like, unemotional opinion about it.
		Young people just go like, this is fucked up, man.
		Like, they're not looking at it for what it really is.
		They're looking at it from their hardcore bias towards one side or the other.
		They're not telling you what really is going on.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		They're just like, I really disagree with what the other people are doing.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Which is like, that's just your fucking opinion.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Do you guys hear that water?
		Is that water annoying?
		Mrs. Rogan's running the fucking hose.
		This is such a low-rent podcast situation.
		Hold on, let me tell her to stop there.
unidentified		Uh-oh.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Tommy, talk about your childhood.
unidentified		Okay, my childhood.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It was really bad.
		I was beaten and hit a lot, and I did a lot of drugs.
		Stick to the script.
		Oh, that's nice.
		Oh, wow, that was quick.
		No, no water.
		They didn't hear the water.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's how I rule.
		There was water going on in the background.
		This is from my days working on Fear Factor.
		We always have to check for sound issues in the background.
		Like occasionally, it would be planes would fly away.
		We would have to stop filming.
		I hear that sound and it starts to distract the shit out of me.
		But that's how I run my house, folks, with a fucking iron fist.
		When I'm doing a podcast, there'll be no water in the plants.
		God damn it.
		So we were talking about needy, being needy, being a comedian.
		The worst is when people don't recognize that and they don't change and they keep that goofy fucking ego like into their 30s and 40s, you know, and they're, you know, still trying to be the fucking man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		What I really hate is the, like, like what I call like the rah-rah comics.
unidentified		Like, like, they have, like, a fake enthusiasm.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, or, or a fake, what's the worst is fake enraged.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like, yes, it's the worst.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's one dude specifically who drives me crazy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And I'll tell you when, I don't want to be mean.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I don't want to be mean.
		I'll tell you, I had a guy, I won't even tell you where, but I'll tell you afterwards, that opened for me that his whole thing was like, how fucked up this is, man?
		And like, it was just like, there was contrived rants about like the man and like how he was such a fucking rebel.
		And like he got, you know, and the crowd's just like, yeah.
		And like, you're like, dude, what you did is you just gave a stump speech.
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like, you know, you're running for office up there.
		But in his mind, he is a brilliant revolutionary comic.
		You know, that's for me like the most painful.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I worked with a dude once and the dude actually said this to the audience.
		He said something stupid, something political, and then he paused and he goes, that usually gets an applause break.
		He actually said that.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Good, that's great.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Could you imagine?
		Could you imagine even thinking that way?
		Like thinking, like, why are you not giving me my claps?
		I deserve claps.
		We have to agree on this point.
		We should all agree on this.
		Like, you know, applause breaks have to come.
		You can't expect them.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You can't be looking for them.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's gross.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And honestly, the ones that like I have gotten are never, ever, like, did you think they were going to happen there?
		Like, it's always like just a natural thing.
		And you're like, whoa, I can't believe that's the line or that's the point of view that gets an applause break.
		It's so crazy that somebody's like crafting them.
		Crafting applause breaks.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I had a friend of mine when I was coming up, he used to say, when people start clapping, you got to pause and just hold it and they'll keep clapping.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And a lot of times, you'll get an applause break when you wouldn't have gotten one.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's horrible.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, what the fuck are you talking about, man?
		Is that better for them?
		Because they're all in there together?
		That's ridiculous.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You'll see, too, the mugging for, like, when the punchline's not that good.
		And then some comics will say the punchline, and then the crowd's kind of laughing, and then they'll give them a pause and a smile, like, that's where it was, and see if they'll come along for it.
		Or the worst is, like, set is over, and you'll see somebody kind of like force, like, I'm done.
		Like, let's force how much you're going to respond at the end of my set.
		Like, and they'll just kind of stand there so the crowd's uncomfortable.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Have you ever seen a guy ask for a standing ovation?
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Isn't that the funniest shit ever?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I can't, that's so terrible.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I've seen guys, like, they stand on stage, they go, ladies and gentlemen, last night I had a show.
		I wasn't even as good as this.
		I got a standing ovation, so I don't even know how y'all gonna react.
		I was like, what the fuck is this guy doing?
		He was like one of those singing comedians.
		He would go up and sing songs.
		He would pretend he was like this guy.
		And it wasn't even really funny.
		It's just like he could sound like those guys.
		Oh, no.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Last night.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It sounds like a silly thing to worry about.
		Why do you care about fake enthusiasm?
		Why do you care about that?
		The reason why you care about that is because you realize that someone's operating on a level that only works against someone who doesn't know that it's a trick.
		But to everybody else who does, it doesn't work.
		The only time it gets us is someone who really, really knows the trick is it's got to be real.
		It's got to be a real, genuine thought that this guy has.
		It's really funny and well put together.
		And then it'll get us.
		So it's like when we see like an audience laughing at something that's not funny to us, it's almost like insulting.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It is.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's exactly what it is.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's like, you fuck, you're trying to get me to laugh at that?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		You know that it's a trick.
		Like you can sense, you're like, that's what he just did was he just, you know, he just waves his hands like that.
		You know, you know that it wasn't like genuine.
		That's the thing is you can, you, when you do it long enough and you see it long enough, you can tell when it's genuine, when it's really like somebody's point of view.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Now, one of the weirdest things about Tommy is Tommy is actually married to a comedian and she's fucking really funny.
		I saw her for the first time.
		Was it like last Thursday?
		What's your wife's name again?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Christina Pozzicki.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		She doesn't keep Tommy Segura's name.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Notice that?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Who's wearing the pants in that house?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Huh?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Not me.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Not me, man.
		She should keep your name, man.
		Her last name is ridiculous.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Her last name is completely absurd.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Why is she trying to keep that stupid name?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Well, she's been doing stand-up for like, you know, eight years or something.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, you don't want to lose that fucking giant following she's got right there.
		So maybe that's her fucking list.
		She's so funny.
		Maybe that's what's been holding her back.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Is that name?
		I know.
		I know.
		And I had to really fucking hold her down to get even do the driver's license changed and all that stuff.
unidentified		Really?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Because she was just like, it takes a lot of work.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You gotta go to the bottom.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's so important to you, huh?
unidentified		Yeah, I was like, fucking change my name.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And I want to own you, bitch.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And no hyphen.
		None of that hyphen shit.
		That's just lame.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's weak.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I know a dude who has a comic in New York, and he did the hyphen thing, and he took her name last.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's fucking unforgivable.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And he was a comic.
unidentified		That's unforgivable.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And not just a comic, but an established comic.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I mean, this is a guy who had a good following.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Really?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes, he had a good following.
		He had done a bunch of TV shows.
		He had, you know, done like the evening of the improv sort of circuit.
		He could headline.
		He would headline in clubs around town.
		So he had like a real reputation, a following.
		And this fucking guy took his wife's name last.
		It was ridiculous.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's the death of him, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, eventually she won up breaking up with him, and that was the death of him.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, it was even weirder still because this guy used to get on stage and proclaim himself to be a feminist.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's great.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Which is ridiculous for women, okay?
		Just like it's just as ridiculous to like be like all into being an American, you know, like and look, America for sure is the best country, but guess what, douchebag?
		You know, you were born here, you know, you didn't do anything to make this country awesome.
		Yeah, you know, what'd you do?
		What did you do to make this the best?
		You know, did you a part of the Declaration of Independence?
		Did you, you know, come on, man.
		You're proud of being born in a certain patch of dirt?
unidentified		That's silly.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It makes no sense.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Respecting the ideals and respecting what it is to you and being proud to be a part of what's supposed to be the civilization that's at the cusp of humanity.
		And that's what we're supposed to be.
		We're the people that move from everywhere else.
		What America is supposed to be is we're the people who came from everywhere else and came to this one spot.
		So the ideal of it should be like that you should have some pride in the ideal, but to think that somehow or another you're better because you're from this dirt and you got a problem with some other dudes from that dirt.
		Like, what the fuck?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You have no credit or blame for where you're born ever.
		Like, it's absurd to think that, like, it's why you can go, you know what?
		Like, people that are born in, like, the Congo, you're like, that fucking sucks, man.
		That guy did nothing to deserve being born in a horrible place.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But also, like, you didn't do anything amazing to be born in fucking, you know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's like you didn't do anything great to have a vagina.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You didn't ask to be a woman.
unidentified		I don't know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You shouldn't be a guy.
		You know, and to be a feminist, like to only like be into like feminine values and pushing forth.
		I understand that you think that you're fighting against something.
		I totally understand that.
		But we should all be against oppression for everyone.
		Not just oppression for women.
		Like to concentrate on that just as a group.
		Like every feminist I have ever met to a woman, and I've only met two, have been really fucking annoying.
		I probably met more than two.
		Were they only?
		No, they were horrendous.
		One of them I had an argument with at the comedy store, some crazy lady who like started insulting me.
		I tried to be like super nice to her.
		There's a video of it online.
		She's like a performance artist slash feminist and she like she fucking turned on me.
		I tried to like just talk to her.
		She was asking me questions and she actually interrupted a conversation that I was having with somebody else and she started talking to me and then somewhere along the line she kept telling me to look in her eyes when I was talking to her and I just got I got annoyed and I just started attacking her.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Which is what I tend to do when people are douchey.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		They're never I think that whole like I mean just I'm totally for like I said nobody being discriminated against.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right absolutely.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But like the people who really subscribe to like when it's a woman that really subscribes to I gotta be a champion of women.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I find for the most of the part most of the time it's women that were not ever like pursued that like guys didn't really want them and they go off like it's never a really attractive woman that has men like climbing all over fighting all over to get to her.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And if she is she's fucking crazy.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		She's out of her mind.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, she's out of her mind.
		It's like I always feel about the same way I always feel about guys like Al Sharpton or guys like Jesse Jackson that are only involved in black and white issues, only involved in black people issues.
		I'm like fucking really and really menu.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And their only involved profit.
unidentified		And their only motivation is they love being on camera.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right.
		Well and being on camera is the reason why we wear fucking expensive suits and driving beautiful cars.
		They have become the voice of discrimination.
		That's fucking ridiculous to have one person or two people, you know, and one of them, how about Al Sharpton?
		He starts, his whole career started out over a false rape accusation by some crazy chick that he got behind.
		They blamed it on white people.
		This Tawana Brawley case.
		If you don't know about this, she smeared shit on her own body and claimed that she got raped.
unidentified		Really?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You didn't know the story?
		You got to look it up.
		Google Tawana Brawley, Al Sharpton.
		It's a hilarious story.
		It's like she falsely accused people of rape and he made his career out of getting in the public eye and making a big deal out of this and turning it into this gigantic rape issue.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think that guy loves when any black person has something like scandalous affliction.
		He loves it.
		He gets to come on and be like, this is a travesty.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, he gets to talk.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's fucking bullshit, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's incredible that there's two guys that are at the forefront of any public issue that has to do with race.
		And it's to do with black and white people.
		But it does not race either.
		Because if there's some gigantic Vietnamese and white person issue, I fucking doubt you're going to see Jesse Jackson on TV trying to support those Vietnamese people.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's the thing, man, is that they asked Al Sharpton one time, hey, would you, because he came to the rescue of like some, I don't know, he came to speak out because, oh, some kid got kicked out of school for fighting at the school.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It was a black kid, of course.
unidentified		Right.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And he was like, horse.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What the fuck are you saying?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Well, I mean, Al wouldn't care.
		Al wouldn't show up if it wasn't a black person.
		So they go like, will you fucking, would you do, would you care?
		Would you show up if like if it was a white kid?
		He was like, absolutely.
		If they were to reach out to me, I would.
		That's complete bullshit.
unidentified		He wouldn't.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, maybe it's not.
unidentified		I don't know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Al Sharpton, he's so whorish that he might go on just for the opportunity to show that he's not just about black people.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But it's never happened.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But nobody invites him.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		If a white kid gets in trouble, nobody's going to invite Al Sharpton.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I'm going to call him.
		I'm going to invite him next time.
		Next time some white shit happens, I'm calling Al Sharpton and I'm going to ask him to please show up.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		How do we fix that?
		How do we fix this ridiculous idea that black people and white people and that, like, you know, there's a group of them and they're against a group of us and men, against women, against...
		Morons, assholes, and people you can hang out with.
		And that's reality.
		And there might be some people in those people that you can hang out with that you truly love.
		There's a broad spectrum.
		And other people that you can just tolerate.
		But that's the group.
		It's morons, assholes, and people you can hang out with.
		And sometimes you can hang out with assholes if you know them well enough or if you grew up with them.
		And you can, there's a bunch of people that I grew up with that I still keep in touch with that I probably would never talk to if I didn't grow up with them.
		Guys I used to do martial arts with and stuff and there's a bunch of dudes that I'm happy to talk to them and I'm happy they're in my life.
		But the reality is if I met them today, we wouldn't be such close friends.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I know.
		I know exactly.
		Yeah, absolutely.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But the idea that we still do this in 2010, like, is that going to change ever?
		Are we ever going to melt together to be one fucking big giant mocha race?
		You know, like a combination of everybody and just drop all the nutty diversity that causes problems.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think in this country it's going to come pretty fucking close.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		People love diversity.
		Don't get me wrong.
		Like A lot of people say, well, diversity doesn't cause problems.
		Racism causes problems.
		You know, it's actually a challenge to look at people and judge them not by, you know, as Martin Luther King said, by the color of their skin, by the content of the character.
		You know, that's a challenge, and that's a good thing.
		And I agree.
		Yeah, definitely.
		For me, it is.
		I like having a bunch of different people.
		But I don't know if, like, as a race, if we can figure out a way, as a human race, to not differentiate because of the way we look.
		I don't know if we can.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I mean, it's unnatural, like, people's natural instinct is to, like, and I'm just saying, well, it's to judge, but it's also to be drawn to people like you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right Like that's just And it's not even What's that about, man?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But they only go for the pigs.
unidentified		No, they don't.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's just the ones they can get.
		Listen, man, there's a lot of black dudes out there fucking a lot of white girls.
		Don't get crazy.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No, yeah, I agree.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Especially athletes.
		Like, you ever seen, like, Michael Jordan?
		He's always with tens everywhere he goes.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, but that's Michael Jordan.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Getting in his car with a 10.
		You know what I'm saying?
		But they're all white.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He's got a badass, like, I think she's like a Cuban bitch right now.
unidentified		She's out.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And look at Tiger Woods.
		All hot white chicks.
		You know?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But Tiger Woods is an amalgamation himself.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But when you're out, you usually see the brothers with like a chick.
		I mean, you know, I don't go to the really good places.
		So maybe it's round.
		The really good places.
		But I usually see them with fucking animals.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like the beasts.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And it'll be like a chick who is driving him and be like, I just got to eat some shoes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, that's not a bad deal.
		Look, I think water seeks its own level.
		And if that ugly chick can get a good-looking black man to fuck the shit out of her every week.
		So what if he robs her every now and then?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But wait, do you think, though, like, if you were to walk into like a whatever, a room somewhere, and it was segregated, wouldn't it be the inclination that you would go towards?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The white people?
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I wish I wouldn't.
		But it depends on where I am.
		But I don't think that's even like...
		No.
		If it's a group of comedians, it's like you're all the same, right?
		Don't you feel like that?
		You're walking into a group.
		But if you don't know them, if you don't know anything about them.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You don't know anybody.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you might go towards the white guys.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But a black guy would walk.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It depends on how the black guys are dressed.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		If they're dressed in suits and ties and they look like businessmen, then I might go to them, you know?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But what if they all had on blue or red caps and bandanas?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Then I would go to the white guys.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I would go to the biggest, fattest white guy that would stand behind him in case some shit happens.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And I would stand real close to the door.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'd try to angle myself, try to line up the room, you know?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But I think if you go somewhere, I mean, you'll see like, you know, Asians will be with Asians and Latin people.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, I think it's also a part of our natural inclination from back when we were, you know, tribes of monkey people to select a group and to stay with that group and to assume that all the other groups are against you.
		You know, I mean, that's what we do with sports teams.
		That's what we do with state pride.
		You know, that's what we do in the North versus the South.
		It's really all the same thing.
		It's all team shit.
		You know, there's a theory that we talked about on here on the show before that this anthropologist came up with.
		It's called Dunbar's number.
		And Dunbar's number is, it's all about the number of people that you're capable of remembering and having stable relationships with.
		And it's like 150 people is the most.
		And that's the theory.
		The theory is, I don't know if it's right or not, but it's pretty close, in my opinion, knowing a lot of people.
		I think 150 people sounds about right.
		It's like you can't have that many more people in your life because if you do, it's just too confusing and you don't have the capacity to remember it.
		It's almost like our culture has evolved so far that it's an operating system that our hard drive isn't capable of processing.
		Like what our operating system is, is our operating system and our memory and our hardware is set up for living in fucking 10,000 BC, throwing sticks with rocks, sharp rocks at the end of it at moving animals.
		Our hardware has barely evolved past that, but our software, our culture is just fucking crazy.
		There's 300 million of us all in this one continent and all supposed to be on the same team.
		And there's so much disconnection that we try to get connections, like little small connections.
		The tribe itself is too massive.
		I think like thousands and thousands of years ago, like, you know, when people had, you know, when we were tribes of hunters and gatherers and we were nomadic and everything like that, like the bond between people in those tribes must have been so fucking intense.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Really, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So much better and more, more, more cooperation, more love for each other, more community than we have today.
		I mean, do you even fucking know your neighbors, man?
		Do you know your neighbors?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But I think part, I do not, actually.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This guy who lives over here is a douchebag.
		I know that.
		He lets his dogs go out and they bite other people's dogs.
		And then, you know, I got this guy up the street that's kind of a pain in the ass.
		And this lady's weird and she always asks weird questions.
		It's like, I barely know these fucking people.
		I wave to a few of them.
		You know, some of them I like to see them, but it's not like it used to be, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I live doors down from, I live in an apartment.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, I live like that.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I don't know their names.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's crazy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're living in like a hotel.
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And I think it's, you know, part of it is that I feel like today it's almost like we kind of almost in a weird way encourage people to be selfish.
		We tell people like, don't waste your time with that.
		Don't do this and that for so-and-so.
		It's like you're saying...
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Look out for yourself shit.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, but it's kind of like...
		Yeah, don't go out of your way for somebody, man.
		That's kind of the way it's.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Our culture has evolved into this weird place to deal with the fact that there's so many of us.
		I mean, that's really what it is.
		There's just too fucking many human beings in this one place.
unidentified		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, for the way we're wired.
		Not too many beings.
		I mean, obviously, it's not sustainable if we keep growing at this rate, but the rate, like right now, we have enough food if we, you know, if we concentrate on everything and do, I mean, we're feeding people, you know, we are getting it done right now.
		But man, we're set up for much smaller groups.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That shit will hypnotize you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You can't look at that.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I know.
		Sorry.
		I got this right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They'll fuck with you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And then you won't be able to have a conversation.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, sorry.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And the chat will blind you with its retardation.
		There's some cool people in that chat, but there's some monsters in there.
		There's some fucking monkeys.
		So, anyway, the way we got onto this subject was feminism and the idea that this poor fuck who changed his name was actually a male feminist.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's so depressing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So sad.
		Can you imagine a woman being a maleist?
		Is that a word?
		Could you imagine?
		A woman who sticks up for men's rights?
		That would be just a whore.
		That's all you would think about that girl.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That might be like a girl that survives on loads.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		If she doesn't have them, she doesn't live.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, she's like a load vampire.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, give me the loads.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Chug, chug, chug.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Could you imagine what a ridiculous idea that a woman would be a malist?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And everybody would have such a definitive masculinist.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Is there a word?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I don't think there is even a word.
		Feminist is such a common part of our vocabulary, but pro-male, yeah, is like Lykus 101 was as close as we got.
		But any woman that would be only into men, no chicks would trust that fucking bitch.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No, no way.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		For a second.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		She's doing, you know, like standing up for men's rights.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And no chicks would trust her, and guys would just, like, they'd be all over it, but they would also be like, you would be like, something's wrong with this bitch.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		And they would think it's a gimmick, too.
		Which I thought with him, with this guy, he would go on stage and talk about on stage how he's a feminist.
		And I'd be like, oh, my God.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And would chicks just cheer?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The broken ones.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The broken ones that like to see a man who's fucking wearing a bridle in his mouth, whip marks on his ass.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, that's poor fuck.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He's a sad guy, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The groups, man.
		You know, it's very hard to be a female comedian.
		And this is where we all got started from.
		You know, your wife wouldn't change her name.
unidentified		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So your wife, even though she won't change her name, still very funny.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And how long has she been doing comedy?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, about eight years.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Eight years?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, about eight years.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So you guys have like pretty similar timelines.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		How many years have you been doing it now?
unidentified		Eight.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Eight.
unidentified		Yep.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Where'd you meet her?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I met her in a room doing the show.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Did you fuck her that night?
unidentified		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You don't have to tell anybody.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, no.
		No.
		She had a different boyfriend at the time.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Really?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		She stole that bitch.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Well, no, they broke up.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I mean, they.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Did you have anything to do with them breaking out?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No, nothing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Nothing.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I always thought she was cool.
		No.
		I thought they were cool, nice, and like, I just, I thought I liked her, but I was like, that's just not going to happen.
		Like, they were together a while, man.
		Like, a few years, you know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		How did he fuck up?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I don't know.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I don't know how he fucked up.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I mean, I know that she left Tommy Buns into the picture.
		She just thought he fucked up.
		That's what I'm talking about.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		She just decided, I guess, that she wasn't going to marry that guy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Wow.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And I came in there and I just took that shit.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You just grabbed it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Just came in.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Took what I was doing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		She was vulnerable.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You got her on the rebound.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Slammed dunk.
unidentified		Totally.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I totally did.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		How many weeks after the breakup did you get her?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think it was like, I think like a couple months had passed.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		A couple months.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think so.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		She's a good person.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		She's thinking, huh?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Chicks get mad.
		They get so mad when you break up with a chick and you have a new one right away.
		They get angry.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, a friend of ours is going through a situation like that right now.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		We can't really talk about it now.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		But his ex is angry at him.
		Oh, because, yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I bet it's really high.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Angry like a motherfucker.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		She, um, whatever.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What you gonna do, man?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That can't be good, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you know, it's the attachment that people have to each other is so fucking intense that when they break, when someone breaks up with you and then starts dating someone else, you feel like they stole from you.
		Like they stole your happiness.
		You know, it's like, where's my fucking happiness?
		And why is my happiness been replaced with deep sorrow and sadness?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Devastating feeling, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's fucking crushing, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		There's nothing actually separate from that that makes you feel that quite that way.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I can't think of anything else.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, like death.
		Yeah, it's like death.
		Like a death, a dog dies.
		More than a dog dies.
		A friend dies.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		A friend or a dog.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's a devastating thing for people, man.
		It's because nature has it set up that we attach to each other and that we become addicted to each other.
		And then we literally, having that person in your life, it's like your whole formula, your whole balance is, it requires having that person in the system.
		Like you have a whole system and that person you go to for your love and your sex and your, and they like lock into your grid.
		You know, when they're gone, it's like you have this gaping hole where that person used to be.
		And most people just try to fill that bitch up real quick.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		With the next one.
		We got a leak.
		Plug it up.
		It's weird, man, but it's all set up so that we breed.
		It's all like these weird little biological tricks.
		You know, like the irrationality of the breakup depression.
		It's so intense.
		And you can tell people all day, it doesn't matter.
		There's other people out there.
		You're going to do that.
		It doesn't matter.
		You can rationalize all day.
		And there's going to be times where people make phone calls they should not fucking make.
		You know it's over, but you're like, if I just call her, maybe I never expressed myself.
		Maybe I never did it the right way.
		And then you call her.
		And then there's that empty feeling where you're talking to them and they really don't want to talk to you.
		And they're like, listen, I think I need to be by myself.
		Listen, just give me a chance.
		Just try.
		No, I am with someone right now.
		And you're like, what?
		They're what?
		And then, ugh.
		And then you hang up and then you can't sleep and you're devastated.
		Like, what a trick.
		What a terrible trick.
		And if you look back on some of the times you've had those situations and how fucking happy you are that you broke up with that person.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, sure, man.
unidentified		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I mean, how many times has that happened?
		When you look back on, like, when I was 21 and my girlfriend broke up with me, I was so sad for, like, a week.
		I couldn't believe it.
		I thought she was going to be the one.
		We're going to have babies together and shit.
		But now I think back.
		I'm like, what if I got stuck with her?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
unidentified		Oh.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think about just, like, times where, like, I went out even, you know, went out, like, wanted to pursue somebody and, like, maybe went out with them a few times and it didn't work out, it didn't evolve.
		And how that was, like, you know, it was, like, depressing.
		You're like, oh.
		And then you get to, like, you sort of get to know the person from a distance.
		You're like, can you imagine if I had ended up?
		Like, if that had worked out, I would be miserable today.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Have you ever had an angry girlfriend?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I've had a few angry ones.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I've had a few anger ones.
		The angry ones are so strange because you just tolerate, like, this yelling and this craziness.
		in your life, you tolerate people getting pissed at you, you tolerate negativity, and then you realize one day like you break up with them and you go okay the the fucking noise has stopped yeah like the mind i feel so much better like i was dating a fucking crazy person shaking your core, yeah.
		It's like I was dating some fucking some monster, some, some deficit in my life, you know?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I lived with somebody.
		No, no, not, but not a girlfriend.
		I had roommates who, and one of my roommates dated a fucking monster.
		And when they ended it, it was like the whole, like the whole apartment complex calmed down.
		Like, you know what I mean?
		It was like, dude, it's supposed to be this chill.
		Yeah.
		You were bringing fucking devastation to this place every day.
		Why did you invite an earthquake in here every single day?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You gotta figure out a way to separate yourself from that.
		Like, that's like number one.
		Like, any shit you have to deal with, like, if you have a fucked up job and it's a bad situation, you gotta get the fuck out of there.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Just go, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Just go.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you can't just swallow that.
		There's a reason why so many guys go postal.
		You know, you hear that expression, postal.
		I mean, there's a reason why that expression exists.
		It's because that job sucks.
		That job's boring as fuck, and you work with a bunch of assholes.
		And one day you go, I'm going to get a fucking gun, and I'm going to kill every last one of you, douchebags, because they have been the source of your pain and frustration every goddamn day.
		You show up at work, there's negativity, and not saying that the guy who shoots him isn't the fucking the cause of it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I mean, a lot of times they are.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But it's like to them, like, there's, you know, they're hardwired wrong.
		So whatever, whatever the fuck, the reason they hate it, you know, they get there and it's just shit.
		Every day it's shit.
		There's so many people out there that just hate everyone they have to deal with every day.
		And they have bosses that fuck with them.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And you realize, too, man, like after, you know, when you get like a little bit older, you start to figure out that like you're in control of like your own happiness in a lot of ways.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You are, but you're not.
		When you get all locked up with debt, the thing is, you get a car and you get an apartment and you have bills you have to pay every fucking month.
		That's when things get tricky.
		Because then, especially in this economy, what do you do?
		Do you fucking just cast yourself off free?
		Do you quit this without having another job?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think, well, there's like borderline.
		You don't be a fucking, like, I'm just going to quit everything.
		But, like, if you're really fucking miserable, either at your job or in a relationship or even like with like, with like a friend or whatever it is, you can fucking make that better.
		Like, you can get, you can leave somebody.
		You can look for another job.
		I know it's, I'm not saying it's.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You can get your own shit together.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You can get your shit together.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're getting your own shit together.
		The only way you're ever going to really have a fun life and a fun relationship is if you deal with your own personal bullshit.
		Like, you can't have a good relationship if you've got a lot of personal bullshit.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Absolutely.
		Absolutely.
		Yeah.
		There's no such thing as somebody who's got a bunch of fucking their own issues and has great relationships.
		You have to straighten your shit up.
		But I'm just saying, like, you can make a decision to not be miserable.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		How many times do you ever get that speech where people ask you, like, hey, how'd you get started in comedy?
		If I wanted to do comedy, how would I get started?
		And they're like 35 or 36.
		Dude, I don't even know what to tell you.
		You're going to have to live like a pauper.
		Are you ready to get it?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You get that hot tub time machine going and go back.
		You can't start.
		I mean, you can't.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, Robert Schimmel did, you know.
		Schimbel started when he was 36.
		I'm pretty sure.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's fucking crazy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'm pretty sure.
		Yeah.
		I'm pretty sure he started fairly late.
		And I believe he already had a family.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He did.
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He did remember.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Which is, that makes it even harder.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He's hilarious, dude.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He's very funny.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I love it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He's sick right now.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He's sick again?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He's got to have some sort of a liver transplant or something like that.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, no, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's very sad.
		He's a great guy.
		Very, very, very funny guy, too.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Super funny.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And a super nice guy, too.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I love that he can, he, like, when you watch him, like, you're watching somebody who's, it, There's really a controlled, like, lower amount of energy where you're like, this guy looks like he's ordering fucking a sandwich or something.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And it's hilarious.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And the room is just fucking exploding.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He's a really good writer.
		He's really good at his pace and setting.
		He's got his own very particular style.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Super, very unique style.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He's fantastic, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And a lot of his stuff is very juvenile, which I respect.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know what I'm saying?
		I mean, he's got a lot of advanced dick jokes.
		But they're really good and well-written shit.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He's so fucking funny.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He started late in life, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		The likelihood of somebody being 36 and being as good as Robert Schimmel has got to be, I don't know, it's in the billions, right?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's not supposed to happen.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's not supposed to happen.
		Usually when people start out in their late 30s, it's too late.
		I started when I was 21.
		I started just a few weeks after my 21st birthday.
		I turned 21, August 11th, 1988, and August 27th is the first time I ever went on stage.
unidentified		Wow, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		What about you?
		I started when I was 20.
		I just turned 23.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		That's a good time, right?
		Because you're not locked into any sort of success.
		It's not like you're moving up the corporate ladder and you're doing pretty good and you don't want to fucking sidetrack that and try to do stand-up and then have the stand-up not work out.
		And then you go, well, I could have been a success here.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I know a couple guys that did that.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I know a couple guys that, because that's hard to give up your lifestyle if you got, like, if you're making good money in a regular job.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's one of the hardest things, that leap, that untethering from the system, trying to make it into show business, quote unquote.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Especially something as volatile as stand-up comedy, especially in the beginning when you really don't know what the fuck you're doing.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, I was lucky.
		I was 21 and I, you know, I had a bunch of shit going on martial arts-wise.
		I was teaching and stuff, but I didn't really have any money.
		You know, I mean, I had a little.
		I had a car that I was making payments on.
		And once I started doing comedy, I didn't have any money.
		My car got repossessed.
		I had to get a shooter.
		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
		Yeah, I went broke.
		But there's no other way around it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No, there's not.
		When I think about how many times I've approached, basically devastation is near, financial devastation.
		When you can see it.
unidentified		Yeah, close, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Here's the bank account.
		And here's the calendar.
		And you go, how am I going to make money happen?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But then it's weird.
		It's like the universe provides.
		Right when you're like, oh, I don't know what's going to happen.
		Something will happen.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		As long as you keep working.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		As you're working at it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		As long as you don't sit around and wait for it to provide.
		As long as you keep hustling and keep grinding.
		Yeah, the universe will provide.
		you know and ladies and gentlemen i guarantee you you will laugh if you do not laugh at this you are a douchebag it's thrilled tom segura you can get it on iTunes can you get it on amazon you can get it on amazon amazon.com you can get it at one of tommy's shows where are you at next i'm at denver this week at oh comedy works downtown oh that's the best one because comedy works downtown is the shit i love that place thursday through sunday and if you're lucky it probably stopped snowing there oh that's right yeah that's true yeah it snowed in montreal saturday did it really when
		were leaving it was snowing j7 may 7th yeah may 7th or whatever the fuck it was and 30 something degrees out and snowing oh my god i hope it's not that fucking cold i'm not ready for that no denver's not gonna be that bad it's already may it's gonna probably be like 60s it'll be nice the colorado's beautiful in the spring spring and summer it's fucking awesome it's gotta be great you went up to my house up there you know yeah dude that shit was fucking sick yeah that was ridiculous too bad a mountain lion ate my goddamn dog did it really and
		yeah too bad my chick doesn't know how to drive in the fucking snow that's part of the problem she hit she hit a wall she had a tree and she hit uh uh the side of a mountain she has two separate accidents and snowy roads she just doesn't know how to drive in the snow at all she grew up in texas and after the what a second time and it was like i go on the road too much i'm like i can't leave you here you don't know how to fucking drive in the snow it's ridiculous when the mountains she doesn't know i grew up in boston dude i not only did i grow up in boston I had a newspaper route for
unidentified		five years.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		five years that means that for five years it didn't matter how much snow was out i was driving yeah i drove every goddamn day i know how to hit that slide counter that bitch i know how to stay calm and pump the brakes i i don't i don't panic when my car starts sliding yeah yeah you know because yeah i had to throw papers out the window and you know i i got in a ton of accidents too just growing up shit i must have been in 10 accidents by the time i was like 21.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Really from snow and ice and everything?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Snow and ice and just being retarded.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Isn't it amazing here in LA or California even, I guess, how people react to rain?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They fucking panic.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like really lose their minds?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No idea how to drive.
		No idea that, well, not only that, it gets slippery as fuck when the rain first starts.
		People don't realize this, especially if you have shitty tires and shitty brakes.
		It's because the oil on the ground is from driving and people's engines leaking.
		It never gets rinsed off like it does in a normal city.
		It just builds up because it doesn't rain here for like fucking months sometimes.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Months and months and months.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So there's months of millions and millions of cars every day going over the same spot.
		Drip, drip, drip, drip.
		So oil gets everywhere.
		And as soon as it rains, the first couple hours is dangerous as fuck.
		Because that shit is just like ice.
		It's terrible.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And people panic.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		People really, truly panic.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's so many fucking people here.
		That was the number one reason why I wanted to get out of California and move to Colorado.
		And the reason why I moved to such a remote place in the mountains.
		because I think that it's not healthy to be around this many people.
		people you know i've seen these studies that they did with rat population density studies where they increase the amount of rats in an area and they get fucking crazy and start biting each other like the reason why people don't like each other as much is like what we talked about before we're supposed to be in groups small groups where you know everybody yeah you know and we're only wired for like 150.
		You get a place like LA where you're dealing with 20 million people plus Mexicans.
		Nobody knows how many people there really are.
		They send me the census and I'm like, get the fuck out of here with the census.
		This is a joke.
		You know how many Mexicans I know that are illegal?
		I know a ton of them.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I know a bunch of dudes.
		I know dudes that I work out with.
		I know dudes at certain stores that I go to.
		I know dudes that run businesses.
		They run their own cash businesses.
		They're all Mexicans.
		I know a bunch of cooks, guys that work at this Mexican restaurant that I go to that's fucking awesome.
		They're all illegals, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And they're never going to answer that census correctly.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		We're never going to have the right number on that thing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Just shut up.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You don't know.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You don't know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's no way to tell.
		There's no way to tell.
		Well, the only way that's going to tell.
		By the time they can tell, we're going to be so far fucked with our loss of privacy, which is coming.
		That's going to be the next stage.
		There's going to be some sort of a drastic decrease in the amount of privacy that we have to the point where either it's going to be because technology brings this on, because it's just the technology that is created is so immense and powerful that you really do have an instant access to where everyone is.
		Sort of like Google for your life.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		With Google now, you have an instant access to any sort of question you have on anything.
		You can immediately find out at least an idea of what the argument is, pro and con, and then start researching into it instantly.
		Well, eventually, we're going to have something along those lines where you're going to be able to know how many people are here, who the people are.
		Like, you're going to be able to Google, not even Google, but like someone who's not even on Google.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like my next door neighbor, the carpenter, whatever the fuck he is, you know, I don't know anything about that guy.
unidentified		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And there's nothing about him in the news.
		He's not a bad guy.
		He's not a criminal or anything like that.
unidentified		Sure.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're going to be able to know everything about him.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Sure.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're going to be able to know his birth date.
		You're going to be able to know what his childhood was like.
		You might be able to, you know, who knows, man.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And you're going to know that people will know everything about you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Which is the really vulnerable feeling.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like, you're going to be, you realize that like, even now, things you do get tracked, you know?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like, your credit card purchases.
unidentified		Sure.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Your surfing can be done.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, how about when you ever use like Yahoo email or something like that, and you have like certain keywords in your email, and then it'll show you like ads on the right-hand side that have to do with like the email that somebody sent you?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're like, what the fuck?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And how much more is that going to, how much better or more like invasive is that going to be?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		much more yeah you know what i mean like we talked about last week we talked about uh smart dust It's a new technology that they've created, these little tiny things that are literally like the size of a grain of sand, and they will have the ability to transmit and receive data, and they will have their own power supply.
unidentified		What?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, and HP is working on a whole project right now.
		Just Google if you want to read.
		We're not going to talk about it again, but if you're interested in the idea and what it's all about, just Google Smart Dust.
		It's fascinating.
		And HP is involved in it.
		And this is, they're going to put trillions of sensors all over the world.
		Trillions of these things.
		So literally, they'll be able to tell you where cars are parked, you know, that this house is on fire.
		There'll be a grid where people will have access to information far beyond the reach that we have now.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I already feel like it's pretty like, I don't know, it's like upsetting that, I mean, I think it's necessary in a way, but it's kind of like it makes me uncomfortable that so many places have cameras, you know?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, but look at how that helped.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No, that's what I'm saying.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I know that it's a necessary thing, but it's like...
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Look at how that worked in New York with that guy that tried to blow up that car Times Square.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The cameras busted him.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Absolutely.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But at the same time, you go, man, like, our camera's watching me everywhere I go.
unidentified		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, that's like, and then there's the tinfoil hat.
		Put that shit on.
		You say, well, hey, man, that car didn't even blow up, man.
		What they did was, that's all black ops, dude.
		That's all fucking CoIntel Pro.
		What they do is, you know, Alex Jones style.
		Well, they do, basically, the guy that is in that van is working for the federal government, ladies and gentlemen.
		We have the papers.
		We have the documents.
		He works for the government.
		He sets up a faulty bomb.
		It doesn't work.
		It's not scientific.
		It lights on fire.
		They arrest him.
		They get him.
		They tell you they got him because of covert video cameras.
		And they need to protect you.
		So to protect us, they're going to put video cameras everywhere.
		Ladies and gentlemen, it's a scam.
		It's a lie.
		It's the new world order.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Did he really say all that about this?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I just made up.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's what he would say.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		Yeah, yeah.
		That was really good.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So I could see his point of view, too.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That he would say, you know, oh, it's bullshit.
		And you think that's nonsense.
		But that's how the government thinks.
		I'm not saying that they did that with this.
		I'm saying they would do that, though.
		I think with this guy, it's pretty documented this guy's a retard and, you know, he was all upset at the world.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Went to Pakistan and met with the Taliban.
		The whole deal.
		This guy's legitimately retarded and he's not some sort of a plant, but it's very possible.
		There's a lot of people that believe that Oklahoma City, that the reason why Oklahoma City was blown up or was allowed to be blown up was so that they could pass new stricter anti-terrorism laws.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, but here's my only problem with point of views like that, right?
		And I mean like with all of them, when it's like a really something that big, is the magnitude of the conspiracy.
		If it were to be true, it's too big.
		You would have to have too many people keeping secrets.
		People are naturally reluctant to keep secrets.
		For the most part, when you have people have like a compulsion to want to share, especially when it's something that they're not supposed to share.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That is true.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		So it's like, if we're talking about something that big, you have to have literally, there would have to be hundreds of people almost.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You mean Oklahoma City?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, Oklahoma City.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, do you know, but just to play devil's advocate, do you know that the FBI removed several undetonated bombs outside of the building?
		They pulled them out of the building after it happened.
		And this is reported on the news in Oklahoma, and that the bomb itself that they made out of fertilizer, that literally, like if you look at the evidence, like how the building was blown up, there's no way a fertilizer bomb did that kind of damage.
		Not only that, the building blew outward.
		It didn't blow from the center down.
		There wasn't like a big crater underneath the truck.
		And the idea is that there were bombs inside the building.
		And that this guy who blew up this bomb, you know, this truck bomb, yeah, he blew up a truck bomb, but that's not responsible for all that damage.
		The idea is that the damage was done by a bunch of bombs that were inside the building and all of them didn't go off.
		And that's the reason why the FBI pulled them out of the building, pulled unexploded ones out of the building.
		And that doesn't necessarily mean the government was involved.
		What it could have mean was that he was working with other people and not only did he have this fertilizer bomb, but he had these other bombs in the building and maybe his fertilizer bomb was supposed to detonate those other bombs and blow up the whole thing.
		There's a bunch of different possibilities of it.
		But it's very rarely talked about.
		And the footage of all these different people that were involved, all these different fucking Muslim guys that were supposed to be there that had worked for Saddam Hussein in Iraq and all these different various organizations.
		It's a tricky little story.
		We start looking into it.
		You say, well, that still doesn't mean that there's some sort of a conspiracy.
		Absolutely.
		It doesn't.
		But they've done shit in the past.
		And when you look at the stuff that the government has done that would require hundreds of people to keep their mouths shut, like, do you know about the Gulf of Tonkin?
		Do you know about that?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Is that the Vietnam?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's a fake attack that has been proven now.
		And this is something that they did to get us into the Vietnam War.
		So they did that.
		And they got away with it.
		I mean, we went through the Vietnam War.
		Operation Northwoods is another one.
		And we've talked about this on the podcast before.
		But for those people who haven't heard this, Google Operation Northwoods.
		What Operation Northwoods is, was a plan that was drafted by the Joint Chiefs of Staff in 1962 and vetoed by Kennedy.
		It was signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
		And the plan was to attack American civilians and blame it on the Cubans.
		So we would go to war with Cuba.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's pretty good.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They were going to blow up a jet.
		That was part of the idea.
		They were going to blow up a jet and pull the people out of the jet and fly the jet and move the people to another plane.
		But then they were going to blow the jet up and, you know, say all these people died.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Really?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, this was in 1962.
		This is a plot by the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
		Not only did they say that, they were going to bomb Guantanamo Bay.
		They were to lob mortars on Guantanamo Bay and assume civilian or military casualties.
		So they were going to kill American military to blame it on the Cubans so that people would get all fired up.
		So it's not like they haven't done shit like that before.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, no.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		When you start talking about conspiracies, the real problem is when you get into them and you start researching them, you go, fuck, look at all the shit they have done.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, no, you're right.
		And I don't say that I don't believe that the government or anybody for that matter doesn't have the capacity to be that morally corrupt or evil.
		Just my natural inclination is to be like, when these things start to get really massive, is to go like, how in this day and age especially can that secret be kept?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's true.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, one way that it's kept, if you put your tinfoil hat on tight one way it's kept is by putting out information that's correct and mixing it with a bunch of stuff that's ridiculous.
unidentified		Right, right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, and that's that's how they process disinformation.
		What they do is they attach all these legitimate ideas to something that's so outrageous that it makes the legitimate ideas seem ridiculous because they're connected to them.
		Right.
		By relationship.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, and that's that's a strategy that is well documented.
		You know, it's, you know, if you look at the in the 1950s, the CIA wrote papers about this kind of stuff.
		You know, COINTELPRO and the idea that you have to, you know, put out dumb stories that attach themselves to the real stories, so it makes it ridiculous.
		I mean, people have actually had jobs where they're disinformation agents, and they're hired to go on blogs and websites.
		This is going on right now.
		This is like real shit.
		They're hired to argue certain points.
		They're hired to stand up for government ideas and offer very well thought out arguments.
		And they do it under these anonymous assumed names.
		And sometimes it's several people.
		These are real government jobs that actually exist.
		And it's been proven.
		It's been talked about.
		We find the shit that the government has done.
		And it makes you go, fuck, what have they done that I don't know about?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's got to be pretty elaborate and pretty crazy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But see, that's where the argument of 100 people would have to be in on the secret.
		That's where it doesn't work.
		The reason why it doesn't work is because they have been.
		There's been a lot of secrets that were processed that we didn't find out about.
		Operation Midnight Climax is another one we've talked on the show about before.
		And it's the 1950s.
		The government ran, the CIA ran brothels in New York and in San Francisco.
		And they dosed people with LSD.
		They had Johns would come in and they would try to get Lei, these poor fucks, and they would blast them with acid while they're in there trying to get their freak on.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's so crazy.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's so fucking.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They did it because they wanted to test the effects of LSD and they couldn't find willing patients anymore.
		You know, a few people did it.
		And, you know, they fucking dose people, man.
		They're not giving you like a little bit.
		They're giving you like mad doses to see what happened.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		When they did the original, what's the famous one where they were going to see if it could be like a truth serum where the CIA had?
		They killed people?
		They accidentally killed one of their own agents.
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		They gave him too much and he fucking like they because they didn't know what kind of dosages.
		They were just like, have another little, you know, tablet and closer.
		He fucking, he lost his, he died.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, it makes sense that that would be possible because if you think about like experiments, you know, they didn't know like what I mean, it's not like we had like a whole database on LSD experience that we could pull from.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, hey, don't do more than this amount or you'll fucking blow yourself.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Because your own chemistry is also different from the next person.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, like alcohol.
		Like some dudes can't drink at all.
		Other dudes can just drink and somehow or another they don't even get drunk.
		It's weird.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like an old, like some guys just pound it too all day.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And some dudes do that with acid.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's some dudes that gobble that shit up and take like fucking five, six tabs and they're fine.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And they seem to like be better.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And then other dudes, they get a high dose and they're never the same again.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I know a guy like that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah?
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I know a guy like that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Who is it?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What's his name?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I can't say his name.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What happened?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		What happened to him?
		He took a dose.
		This is like, you know, like 15, no, 13 years ago about.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Whoa, and that was it, huh?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That was it, dude.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What happened?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He, you know, he was chilling.
		He was in college and just partying, just like doing regular, like, you know, drinking.
		What was the effect?
		I think he took it like, let's say, like, on a Friday.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And everything, you know, it seemingly wore off like the way any, like, you know, when you do drugs would.
		And then he went, like, the next week, went into like the, like the school and walked through like the cafeteria, went into the kitchen and started like, like, asking the, asking the chef to, like, if he could swim in the water supply.
		Like, like, from the sink.
		Like, he was like, can I go into the pipes?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Whoa.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And they were just like, huh?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like, what are you doing back here?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Can I go into the pipes and swim to the water supply?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, and they were like, whoa.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		So then it was like, we need to check this kid out.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They should have let him try.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Maybe he could.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		To this day, though, he's, you know, like, he's this.
		He's like, he's, he's off.
		Like, he's able to work and like do things, but he's not the same guy that he was.
		Something happened.
		Some shit was disconnected.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What was he like before and what is he like now?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Before he was like, like, I would say thoughtful, you know, pretty articulate, reserved.
		And now he's like quirky and like a little more like, like he's like artsy, like a kind of an artsy guy.
		Right.
		But like peculiar.
		Like says things that like don't make sense, you know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So you think he's like a percentage insane?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like what?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		Yeah, yeah.
		I would say now and more inclined.
		Like you're like, I could see something else happening where you would go and, you know what I mean?
		Like you're walking.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Something went wrong.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You're on the edge right now, dude.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like you're about, you know, I could see you falling in the tank pretty soon.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The crazy tank.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		The crazy tank is like this.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But before that, there was no evidence of that at all.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Zero.
unidentified		Zero.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was totally normal.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		As far as I knew, and I knew him, like, I wasn't good, good friends, but I knew him fairly well.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Radical change.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Radical change.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I believe it, dude.
		I believe it just because of, I had an experience one of the last times I did DMT, the last time I did DMT, where it was a few years ago, where for like two weeks after I did it, this is the way I always describe it.
		It's very difficult to describe, but I say that reality got very slippery.
		It's like reality just didn't seem, didn't seem like I could bang on it anymore.
		Yeah, it seemed like the DMT experience is so powerful and so incredibly beautiful and overwhelming and shocking that when you're doing it it seems more real than reality itself it seems like you're taking a look into a better more pure efficient next stage reality it's like you you feel like you're taking this look into what's next you know it's like an afterlife type of experience I mean that's really what it feels
		and then I would come back, or I did come back from it, and then for a couple of weeks, this life just didn't seem like it was going to hold up.
		It felt like all this shit that I'm seeing, everything around me, it's like I'm assuming that this is real.
		I'm assuming that this is hard, and this is reality, and this is life, but after doing the DMT experience, that seems so much more real than reality.
		So what the fuck is this?
		Really?
		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
		I started getting these weird ideas about the structure of life, and the pattern of human existence, and everything that's going on on the planet at the same time, that it was really much less tangible, much less real than I thought it was, and that perhaps the sleeping time when your brain is producing DMT, like when you're in heavy REM sleep, that that might be just a much more intense version of life that we only get in small doses, and that might be real life, and this might be the crazy dream.
		It sounds bananas.
		Oop, I almost said it.
		It sounds fucking crazy.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And rightly so.
		But what are the alternatives?
		I mean, the alternative is, anytime you start talking about what life could be, or what drugs could be, or what hallucinations really mean, you open yourself up to ridicule.
		Rightly so.
		Because most of the time when you talk about those subjects, this sounds ridiculous.
		But what is the alternative?
		Well, the alternative is that we're just this biological, fleshy thing that lives for 65 years, and then you fucking die, and you move on, and you breed while you're here, and eventually there'll be too many of us, and we'll blow the world up, because there's too many of us.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's the alternative.
unidentified		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, and that this, nothing means anything, and, you know, there is no purpose for any of this.
		Unlike everything else in nature, I mean, everything else in nature is building something, supplying to something.
		You know, a part of an ecosystem has a very vital, vital part in the whole process, the natural process of life.
		Everything that we see, from volcanoes, and fires, and predators, and prey, all seems to fit into this entire system, except for human beings.
		You know, except for how we view our life.
		But I think we're just a really advanced form of all that shit, and that what we're doing here, in this life, is setting us up, somehow or another, for the next stage of existence.
		That's why every single culture has had this idea of heaven.
		Every single culture has had this idea of a better place, that you're going to go to, you know, somewhere, where it's going to be more pure, or, you know, it'll be all love, or it'll be, there's all these different, various versions of it.
		I think it's because there's a part of us, instinctively, that understands that this is a stage, and that like everything else in the universe, from the Big Bang, to the formation of stars, to the formation of planets, to life forming on planets, to life evolving, and getting more advanced, that it all keeps moving on towards some new, better, more improved, you know, more advanced thing, and that that's what's going to happen to us too.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Do you, wait, but does your, did your, did that last DMT experience though, like that was the last time you did it?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That was the last time I did it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But did it, did your experience afterwards, also kind of make you go, well maybe I should do DMT more, or no?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, no, I think, you know, the thing, the reason why I haven't done it since then, is because I still, I still think I'm still trying to exactly process, like honestly process, what happened, like I could do it now again, I might be willing to do it now again, if I had some, but I think it's just as important to try to honestly process what happened in the last
		experience, to try to learn as much from it as you can, you know, the, one of the things that you do experience when you, when you have any like really extreme psychedelic experience, you, you experience this complete dissolving of your ego, everything like you've built yourself up to
		be, everything, your, your language, the way you talk, you know, your social structure, how you fit in with your friends, and your family, and your dog, and all that stuff, your self-definition, all dissolves, everything dissolves, and your definition of the world, of earth, of human
		beings, all that dissolves too, and you start to look at things in this, almost like this alien perspective, it's like, I always say that like when you're taking mushrooms, it feels like, and even DMT, it feels like you're looking at the universe, through the eyes of an alien, of like a super advanced, organic life form, that's far, far, far, evolved from where we are, at this point in time, and you get to see the whole thing, objectively, and clearly, without the context, of any of the things, you already understand, and know about it, like language, and
		accents, and you know, jobs, and all that bullshit, you start, you see it all, like in some weird sort of a way, but when you do that, the problem is, it fucking, especially if you have like, a crazy dose, you know, crazy DMT sort of trip, the real problem is, re-assimilating
		back, into the regular world, the real problem is, like being around, like regular people, and mundane shit, and try to take it all seriously, and try to focus on all the stuff, that you do, you know, you know, you do like, have to do, as part of, it's like, I would say, psychedelic experiences are
		useless, if you can't bring something back, if you don't learn something, that you can apply to this world, because this is the world, where you're spending most of your time, you know, yeah, that's true, yeah, I mean, you're, most of your time, is spent in the waking world, you know, so if you're having these, psychedelic
		trips, and that's what you really enjoy out of life, it's like it's all, you're all enjoying, you know, these experiences, and you're not, you're not enjoying the regular world, at all, you know, then you're not bringing anything back with you, you can, you can go, and have these experiences, and bring something back with
		you, and change the world, around you, and make it better, like that is possible, or, you could take too much, and go fucking bonkers, and try to, try to swim in the pipes, try to jump in the pipes, and get to the water supply, I've never fucked with acid, you know, I don't, I don't think
		that, I'm not into doing anything, that people create, you know, I did, MDMA once, I did ecstasy once, and I got really fucked up, and the next day, my brain was just useless, and I think I learned from that experience, I enjoyed the experience of being on
		ecstasy, but the come down, was just way too brutal, I was like, this is not good for you, I think shit, like chemicals, that man made stuff, that doesn't exist in nature, that, or you know, LSD sort of does, and like, yeah, Hawaiian baby woodrow seeds, and some, some other things, you can actually, extract the, GHB, no, I heard that's, fucking, I heard that shit is, really dangerous, I, I OD'd, I was in a coma, really, yeah, yeah, yeah, what happened, I took, what the fuck happened, so, so dumb when I did, I
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		took, I took ecstasy, then I was having some drinks.
		Like, I probably had like four or five drinks, which is, you know, like liquor drinks, right?
		I was like, I don't feel this ecstasy at all.
		And this guy kind of I'm a freshman in college.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		18, 19.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		So then he's like, he's got a gallon of GHB in the back.
		Now, you're supposed to take, like, if you take a water cap.
		That's what we did.
		We would take it like this, you'd pour it into that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And just, that's it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And then that's it.
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Well, he has a milk jug.
		So he gives it to me, and I'm like, he's like, here, just take a swig.
		Well, and when I look back on it, I realize what I did too.
		It was just like out of like not wanting to be rude, basically.
		Like politeness almost killed me.
		Is that I opened it and I can't, you couldn't, it's too heavy to like, you know, a milk jug just is like a thin little cap.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right.
unidentified		Right?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You can't fill it.
		So you're trying to like, well, how much.
		So I realized I went like this and I realized there's too much in my mouth.
		There's there's six capfuls in my mouth.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh no.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		So I'm not going to spit it in what he's going to sell.
		If I spit it out, it's like I'm spitting $50 on the ground.
		So I just swallow it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh my God.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And then I give it back to him.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What kind of an asshole has a fucking milk jug of GHB around his house?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, man.
		And then I fucking continue drinking.
		And that's one thing about GHB is you're not supposed to have any alcohol with it.
		Like, not even a drink.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So you black out, you go into a coma.
		Yeah.
		What do you remember?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I fucking, I remember all the way up until like moments before blacking out.
		Like I was hanging out.
		I was, I realized that I was like fucking high as shit.
		Like like Permigran.
		Like and just like we should hang out, man.
		Like buying drinks for like just being a fucking asshole.
		And then I remember I sat down and then I blacked out and my sister was at this bar.
		We were all at a bar.
		My sister was like, he like, everyone was like, just let him sleep it off.
		And she's the one that fucking called the ambulance.
		Like they had to, you know, and then I woke up with like tubes and all kinds of shit.
		Yeah, it sucked.
		It was really sucked.
		Don't overdose on GHB.
		It's not fun.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Be rude.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Be rude.
		Spit that shit out.
		Spit it on the ground.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Man, yeah, I've never fucked with that stuff.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I've never fucked with cocaine, heroin.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Here's the thing, too, about GHB, is that in its real natural form, like in what it really is, it's like, you know, it could be regulated.
		It's used like as an anesthetic in parts of Europe.
		But when you buy it from like street-level people, it's obviously, it's fucked with.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		People will spike it with anything.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, even if they didn't spike it, you drank so much of it, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah, yeah, I would have been fucked.
unidentified		But still.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They used to sell that shit at GNC.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It used to be for bodybuilders.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		For bodybuilding.
		And that was kind of the thing, like when you when we started, like, I used to sample it and stuff.
		You would use, it was under the guise of, like, well, I'm lifting weights.
unidentified		You know?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like, I gotta fucking get something.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I get fucked up.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'm lifting weights.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Lifting weights.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, that's hilarious, man.
		I wanted to talk about a couple things that I saw on the news today just because there's some ridiculous shit.
		Speaking of lifting weights, in the University of North Carolina, they're doing a study.
		Somebody put this on the Rogan board, my message board.
		Ach put it up there.
		They're doing this study on shooting ultrasound into people's balls.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		What?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		To act as a birth control, a reversible birth control for men.
		They're able to shoot a burst of ultrasound into your ball sack and blast all your spermies so that you're just shooting blanks for like six months.
		You don't want to make babies.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But that sounds horrifying, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It sounds ridiculous.
		That you would trust them, like, you're going to kill my loads, but they'll come back in six months.
		And then what happens after those six months?
		I make fucking radioactive babies.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's going to be.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, what kind of shit is that?
		What are those babies going to look like?
		Could you imagine if, like, at five and a half months, when your shit's supposed to be, like, not come back yet, you shoot around some chick and you make some fucking nuclear baby.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's going to be like the six-armed baby things that are going to be.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, that's going to be Shiva.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That literally will come out on fucking fire with a crazy headdress and shit.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And then doctors will be like, huh.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You didn't know that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I mean, come on.
		Think about all the autistic kids that are being created today and all the thoughts of like where this is coming from, whether it's environmental or chemicals or just all sorts of theories.
		Vaccinations, people being older and having the kids because they're older and their DNA is damaged.
		How about the babies that we're going to have when they are shooting ultrasound into your fucking sack?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		When you have like radio waves.
		Yeah.
		No, you shouldn't.
		I would still just pull out before out loud.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, you know, that's how my first daughter was born.
		Pull-out method.
		Yeah, I did a bit about it on my last special.
		Totally true.
		Pulling out don't work, man.
		Pre-ejaculate is like, there's little swimmers in there.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, that's right.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I do remember that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's boys in there.
		They'll get the job done.
		The green beret loads.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, that's right.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		The green beret loads.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's real.
		They don't stop it anymore.
		You can make a baby for sure without coming inside a chick.
		It's actually cool.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Doesn't it kind of makes you go, I can't believe it didn't happen so many times before.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, definitely.
		Well, I don't think it's that common.
		I think it's probably pretty hard to do, but it's still possible to do.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It really is good.
		Green berets.
		They're really like that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And how many times are you like squeezing it?
		Well, you're hoping none's coming out, but a few guys might have popped out.
		That's not even pre-com.
		That's like a tiny comment.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah, like a flex when he goes like, oh, you're just a little bit snucky.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you feel a little, just a twitch and you're trying to hold it in there.
		Yeah.
		Yeah.
		Well, they're trying to come up with all sorts of different ways.
		And, you know, with women, it's all hormonal.
		They can either shoot you up with something that makes your body think it's pregnant or they give you a pill that makes your body think it's pregnant.
		Or they put a catcher's mitt in there, like put an IUD and they insert that shit and you snatch and it gets all infected and your loads are trying to shot at it like barnacles on a fucking dock.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, the thought of that one, that makes me uncomfortable.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Imagine if they pull it out and there's all this stalagmites from your old loads that have been trying to get into this IUD and they just hang out there.
		It's all crusty with your old loads.
		And maybe your old loads die inside her box and that's why it starts to stink.
		Could you imagine like you didn't want to get it pregnant?
		Like maybe you should take that out, honey.
		But I don't want to get pregnant.
		Well, you don't know how to get an extra douche up there to kill your loads and squirt them out because your body's not absorbing them.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		So she's just walking around.
		I'm imagining it now.
		Speaking of like gross, have you heard about that movie?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Which one?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		The one that's supposed to be like a guy.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's like the human centipede, I think it's called.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I've heard about it online, but I didn't look at it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I haven't seen it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I haven't seen it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Everybody's been talking about the human centipede, and I got a bunch of Twitter things like, oh, check this out, the human centipede.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But it looked so ridiculous, I didn't even want to try it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Really?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I didn't even want to look at it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Did you see what just happened there?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		How far away is this image from our voice?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, look how long it takes.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's like, this is like a 10-second delay.
		I think we're going to have to try something else other than Ustream.
		I'm going to have to try some other service.
		People say live stream is really good or but that's not really live right there.
		This is what we're projecting.
		This is what we're seeing.
		Like look how long it takes.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Watch.
		Two, three.
		Bam.
		Let's get a count on this.
unidentified		All right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Okay, ready?
		I'm going to point to the camera, and then I'm going to count.
		One, two, three, four.
		It's about five seconds.
unidentified		It's about a five or six second delay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They're saying it's fine for them, but maybe it's just like a blackass gay connection.
		I don't want to see the human centipede, man.
		I hear...
		I'm sure it's good.
		Now we're on a couple seconds.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But wait, why the...
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I've seen everything, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I've seen too much.
unidentified		I'm distracting myself.
unidentified		I've seen everything.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I've seen too much.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Somebody sent me some video of some Russian skinheads cutting this dude's head off.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, no, I don't like that shit, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I started watching it for the first couple seconds and I stopped it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I said, I do not need to see another dude getting his fucking head cut off.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It doesn't need to be in your fucking reserves, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's a waste.
		I know it's out there.
		I've already applied that data to my view of the world.
		I don't have to see more and more evidence of it.
		I know that there's some extreme examples of fucked up shit out there.
		Especially going online.
		Going online changes your whole fucking view of the world.
		People who don't go online, can you imagine how dumb our parents were?
		How much less they knew about the big picture?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Or what's possible?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Well, that's why if you try to tell them, like a lot of times, it doesn't even have to be something too outrageous.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They don't want to hear that.
		Lear Obama, what Obama said?
		He was talking about fucking iPods.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And Xbox.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, and iPads and Xbox, none of which I know how to use.
		You know, I hate all that.
		First of all, I hate all that none of which I know how to use.
		What he was saying is that these things provide information.
		There's too much information and it's difficult to discern what's factual and what's not.
		And that crazy ideas can gain traction and become problematic.
		And he was saying that it actually makes it hard on democracy, which I thought was hilarious.
		makes it hard to run the country and it's bad for the country somewhere and that line just appeals to like a certain generation when This is what he says.
		He says, you know, iPads and Xboxes and PlayStations, none of which I know how to use.
		My fucking two-year-old daughter knows how to use an iPod, dude.
		She knows how to find the song she likes and click on it.
		She knows how to go to the little apps and pick a little monkey game and play the monkey game.
		Dude, you know how to use a fucking iPod.
		You know, don't be stupid.
		That's dumb.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And don't brag about being stupid.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, because that's essentially.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're a goddamn Harvard graduate and you're the president of the fucking United States of America.
		Don't give us all that awesh bullshit.
		There's going to be a bunch of retards that always don't like you or think you're an elitist.
		All right.
		You got to accept that and just be yourself.
		Don't fucking pretend you don't know how to work an iPod, man.
		Just stop.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I know.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's stupid.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's gross.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I agree.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's fucking dumb, man.
		You know, like, the whole, it's like he's putting on an act.
		It's like, he's like a comic that we were talking about earlier.
		We're talking about comics that are disingenuous.
		That's what he's doing.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's a phony thing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, so anyway, he's trying to say that somehow or another, all this access to information that people have now, the problem is that these crazy ideas can gain traction and that it becomes more of a distraction than it is a useless source of information.
		But that's ridiculous.
		It's like, who's the useful source of information?
		How come there's so much shit that's in the news that we don't hear about?
		How come we have to go online to find out what's happening in Liberia to get real information about the fucking oil spill in the Gulf?
		You're not getting that shit from the network news.
		You're not getting that shit from the newspapers.
		You've got to really see the images and the videos online.
		There's a video online right now.
		This guy flew a plane over the Gulf oil spill and videotaped the whole thing and put it up and showed how massive it is and how they're not being honest about what a catastrophe it is.
		It's fucking shocking.
		It's on my Twitter.
		You can go to my Twitter feed, go to Joe Rogan on Twitter and just my name.
		It's not .NET anymore.
		It's just my name.
		I got that back.
		So if you go to my Twitter feed, it's like one or two Twitters ago I put it.
		Watch that video and freak the fuck out because it's horrifying looking at this gigantic fucking thing of oil in the middle of the ocean.
		You're not hearing about that from the news.
		They're recognizing that it's a big deal, but they're not showing you 10 minutes of footage so you can really get a good idea of it.
		You've got to look online.
		You've got, I mean, to find out like shit like Operation Northwoods or any of these other things I'm talking about.
		This isn't getting discussed in the newspaper.
		This isn't getting discussed in the news.
		People are hiding this kind of information.
		Big, gigantic corporations control network news.
		They control the newspapers.
		They control GE controls NBC and Fox News is owned by Rupert Murdoch and, you know, the ABC.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		NBC's Disney.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I mean, these are giant fucking corporations.
		They don't give you all the news you need.
		The idea that these bloggers and these people that are like, they're Not less informative, they're not like less reliable.
		They're people that easily could be working for NBC or CBS or ABC2.
		They're fucking journalists.
		They're just a new version of journalists that does shit online.
		And yeah, there's some people that are irreputable, but then their reputation is that they suck.
		You know, when someone online, you know, when it's been proven by a bunch of different websites, this guy puts out bad information, then they become discredited.
		I mean, it's like a natural process.
		And for Obama to say that that's not the case and that there's something bad about all this new access to information, that just shows me two things.
		One, he's full of shit.
		And two, they're dealing with a lot of pressure.
		They're getting jacked left and right about all sorts of things.
		There's like a video out right now of him on the campaign trail talking about no-bid contracts for like Halliburton and shit like that.
		He just fucking gave Halliburton some giant $500 million no-bid contract.
		His whole fucking platform was that he was going to end no-bid contracts.
		And he just goes and does it.
		I mean, he's a fucking, he's, oh, no more lobbyists.
		I mean, well, he hires a bunch of them.
		I mean, the whole idea behind being a president is that you're supposed to be some sort of a leader.
		And what you promise us is supposed to be something that you're going to, you're going to, when you get in office, you're going to change shit.
		You're going to make it better.
		But no one does.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Nobody does.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's the craziest hustle ever.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But the thing that I think nobody ever admits is that neither side ever does.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Ever.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Like ever.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right.
		The Republicans.
		They get criticized by the Democrats when they do certain things.
		But once the Democrats get in office, there's not nearly as many people criticizing Obama for sending 30,000 troops over to Afghanistan after winning the Nobel Prize.
		Not nearly as many as we're criticizing George Bush.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Of course.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Not nearly.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, they're all just spokespersons.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Because both sides are completely full of shit.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Do you think that they're full of shit, or do you think they say whatever the fuck they have to say to get the job?
		And then once they get the job, they realize that they don't have a say.
		They're not the ones who get to dictate policy.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Well, it's that, and it's also that the game itself of politics is so already dictated for you.
		Like, we have this idea that, like, we can elect somebody, especially like Obama.
		Like, it's going to change things.
		It's going to actually, the system will change.
		Like, he's going to be a certain way and no more spinning stuff.
		But you realize that it's already laid out.
		There's a spin thing in a field.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's a job.
		It's a job.
		It's like being like, it really is like being a professional spokesperson.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It is.
		And there's going to be distortions of truth and manipulations and lies no matter who gets it.
		It's too big of a thing.
		And there's too many people that you would have to try to please.
		It'd be impossible.
		So it's just, it's the way it is.
		People are going to lie.
		And no matter who is in the office.
		It doesn't matter who is in.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The real problem is that corporate...
		Have you ever seen movies on corporations?
		Especially the documentary The Corporation, where they talk about a corporation as a sociopath.
		They don't worry at all about their...
		They don't worry about who their actions hurt and that being in a corporation is sort of like there's a diffusion of responsibility because there's so many other people that are doing the same thing.
		And I wonder like when you get a guy like Obama, I wonder if they start out with the right intentions and they start out really thinking that they're going to make a change.
		But once they get in office, once they get in there, maybe then it's like they realize like, you know, like you don't get the change shit.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No, you don't.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You really best.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But they change a few social things.
		They change like the gay marriage thing.
		Like they're getting rid of don't ask, don't tell, right?
		So you're going to be able to say that you're gay.
		And he's also like the medical marijuana thing.
		They said that they're not going to go after, they're only going to go after, the DEA will only go after medical marijuana dispensaries that violate both state and federal law.
		So the federal law is all marijuana is illegal.
		The state law is very clearly defined what you're allowed to do medically.
		And a lot of people don't operate within those parameters and they sell a bunch of shit to people that don't have licenses.
		So the idea was they're going to go after those people.
		So there's a few things that do change, right?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But that's what they hang their hat on.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But are those things that do change, are they because they have to give something otherwise people will fucking just rage up?
		Do they give you a little just to keep democracy intact and just resist the change as much as possible?
		Resist giving the people what they want as much as possible?
		Is it consciously thought out?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think the way that the system is set up is that this is what bothers me the most about politics, is for some reason, you're not allowed to admit fault in politics.
		You can't be like, I did something, this didn't work out.
		Like that's the system that's set up.
		And that part is like, it is thought out.
		Whatever decision you made, we're going to make it look like it was the right decision.
		Right, definitely.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's never a mistake.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's the major flaw in the political public system.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You can't admit to any flaws.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Never, never.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		If you do, you're going to lose traction and you become a flip-flopper or whatever.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		So it's always like, what I did was the right thing.
		And that is meticulous, obviously.
		It's methodical.
		It's very well.
		It's outlined.
		And it's fucking the most depressing thing about it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It is.
		The most depressing thing about politics is that politics are real.
		And that you could lose your fucking life paying attention to it.
		If you start talking like there's some new Supreme Court justice nominee that Obama likes, it looks like a lesbian, and everybody's all bummed out about it, and there's all this debate.
		I'm like, God damn, do I really have to fucking think about this?
		Do I really have to, I mean, you do, supposedly, if you're a good citizen, you're supposed to pay attention because lives could change and, you know, you could be in a situation where one of her rulings directly affects you.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, I don't know, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I don't know.
unidentified		I don't know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What are you doing that, Tommy?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I was, I wanted to tell you about Brian Jack.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, this dude.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You had a story.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This is the dude that you went to high school with?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		College.
unidentified		College with.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I went to college with, and one night, a Saturday night, I went to a, I was not in a fraternity, but I went to a party that a fraternity had.
		I think it was the Pie Cap fraternity, and then as I left, there is another fraternity next door, they had like their fraternity house, right?
		And I'm walking back, and this fucking guy, Brian Jack was his name, he beat up, like physically pummeled seven guys and like full fucking ninja Rambo style, like where it wasn't even like he literally punched a guy and then did like a roundhouse kick and then rolled, did like a fucking like a somersault and like rolled up and punched another guy and just destroyed it where you're like, it was like a video game.
		You're like, uh-uh, oh my god, oh my god, like just freaking out watching this guy just why did he get in the fight?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What happened?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He was, he's a total fucking, like, he was a very independent, like, sort of a loner, like, super athlete, like, had that quality of, like, like, of what, like, the best athletes do where it's, like, unbelievable work ethic when it comes to, like, like his, you know, working out and, like, training.
		And just kind of a very peculiar, independent dude.
		And, you know, didn't, I mean, kind of kept to himself, but also didn't fuck, like, didn't take any shit from anybody.
		And he was walking, I think, through the yard of the fraternity guys who were dressed in like their, their Sunday best, like, they had their, their dockers on and their ties.
		Like, so they were dressed up.
		And to the best that I can remember, somebody said something to him that didn't fucking hit him the right way.
		Like, like, you know, about like maybe walking through their lawn or like why he was at their house or something.
		And I don't remember exactly how it started, but I know how it fucking ended.
		Like, Brian Jack fucking laid out everybody who was basically in this fraternity.
		Like, and it was like, it was pretty fucking impressive.
		And I had a front fucking row.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What kind of an athlete was this guy?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He played football No, he was not like super big, like, like, just lean, like, I would say, like, six feet, like 205, but like rock fucking solid.
		And, and, and, and a little crazy.
		And he actually, I think, played one of the seasons, like, he broke his neck, and he kept playing.
unidentified		What?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, and he even played, like, XFL, like that, that, that league that came out that was just like, you know, there aren't any rules.
		Like, he played in that, like, he played in that league, I think.
		Anyways, now he's a wrestler.
		Like, I think he's trying to do WWF, and I got a video sent to me.
		He calls himself Buck Wild.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Is it on YouTube?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's on YouTube, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Let's find this guy on YouTube.
unidentified		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And I was like, holy shit.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		BJ the wrestler is what he calls himself.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Buck Wild, BJ the Wrestler.
		That's Mickey Work.
		You know, Buck Wild, that's a band.
		Wow, there's a lot of bad shit on here.
unidentified		Wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's a, I don't know.
		We'll have to find it.
		There's a.
		There's some Buck something.
		There's a fucking gay porn star named Buck Something or other, and it used to be a woman, and she took hormones and became a man, and is a male porn star, but he has a vagina.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		An HBO fucking porn show.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, what is the name?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Pornucopia was the name of the porn.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, but the name of the guy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'm sure you fucking people online know about it.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I don't know.
		Whatever.
		That's not important.
		Your dude beating the fuck out of that guy.
		Buck Angel.
		Thank you, sir.
		Thank you.
		Buck Angel, yeah.
		Wild, Will Dynamic, Willy Dynamic.
		People and your silly names.
		Whatever.
		Don't look at Buck Angel.
		Just like I don't want to look at the human centipede.
		And just like you don't want to look at Russian dudes cutting people's heads off.
		You don't need to see that shit.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No, no, no, no, no.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What's the worst thing you've ever seen online?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		The worst thing I've seen online?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		probably some shit that you've shown me.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I remember I was...
		I always say that when you send somebody something fucked up, it's like a bomb.
		You just wait for them to react.
		You know it's going to hit them, like send.
		And it just goes to them.
		And you know that it's going to hit them.
unidentified		What the fuck?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And then they type back and you get it in your inbox.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, ah, look what I did.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I mean, you know, the first time I saw Two Girls One Cup was very alarming.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But one guy, one cup, definitely was more like, get the fuck out of here.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		One guy, one cup, the most disturbing thing was the scars around his legs.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, you know, he's been doing this for a while.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Or how about his basically non-reaction to what's happening?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like the fact that he's going to scream and howl.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Or even quiver or move or anything.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, he didn't even buckle.
		Homeboy's got giant chunks of glass and blood coming out of his asshole, and he's just fine with it.
		If you haven't seen it, you don't need to see it.
		Don't go to one guy, one cup.
		Don't check that out.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Mr. Hands and Mrs. Hands were pretty crazy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Mrs. Hands?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's Mrs. Hands?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, you didn't know there's Mrs. Hands?
unidentified		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, the girl gets fucked by a horse?
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And that's what she, they call her Mrs. Hands?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
		But the things that I don't like the most, the things that I can't react to, are like the ultra-real violent shit.
		That's the stuff I'm like, I fucking can't do this, man.
unidentified		Like, I do this, like, crazy sexual or whatever.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But, like, I'm with you.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I don't like Nick Berg, the Turkey, I don't like the decapitations and shit, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Do you know the conspiracy theory behind the Nick Berg shit?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That those guys are not Arabs, that they're actually CIA and they're Americans.
		Apparently, their accents are off and they're too big.
		Like, they're not built like Arabs.
		They're like big, bulky, fat, fucking, beef-eating American psychos.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Really?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And that's the idea is that they killed a guy to make people more excited.
		They found some guy over there.
		He's doing what he's not supposed to be doing, going to a place where he's not supposed to be going.
		And so they jacked him, arrested him, and cut his fucking head off so that he could act as like a deterrent for people that want to go and investigate this.
		And he get people enthusiastic about this war.
		Like, yeah, we got to get these motherfuckers.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		They're bad.
unidentified		They're evil.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, that's a big PR strategy, man, for a guy like that.
		You know, you could take a guy and use him as a tool.
		Like, say if some guy finds out some shit he's not supposed to find out or goes somewhere he's not supposed to go and then you know, if he could encourage other people to do it, they could have a real problem.
		They just cut this guy's head off and make a video out of it.
		And now, not only will that shit never happen again, nobody wants to go over there now.
		They're cutting your fucking head off and putting it on a video.
		And you see that guy gag and gurgle and make those horrible noises while he's still alive and they're sawing through his fucking neck.
		And it gets people all fired up about going to war, you know, in a war that's not a very popular war, you know?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		You got to be a cult.
		Like, I can, I can under, like, I can see in certain circumstances, you know, how somebody kills somebody.
		Like, you know what I mean?
		I understand that there's a level that you cross that, like, you know, somebody could do something where you could kill somebody.
		Yeah.
		I understand that.
		Like, human biologically, you're going to react if somebody crosses a certain line where it happens.
		But to cut someone's head off, you have to be a savage motherfucker.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, especially with a little knife.
		You're not even using a fucking axe.
		You're not just whoop.
		You're not going samurai sword.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Sawing through it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Caught through it.
		I guess, man, there's a certain amount of people that feel like, you know, you have a goal and you have a job and you do that job and your objective is to fucking, you know, do whatever they're, you know, do whatever the orders are.
		And the orders are to kill this guy because you're going to make a video and this guy's going to be a martyr and, you know, we're going to use him as a publicity tool.
		All right, bitch, guess you got to die.
		You know, I mean, how many fucking people have been killed in interrogations that were innocent?
		I mean, how many people are in Guantanamo Bay that are innocent?
		How many people have been killed by accidental bombs, you know, that hit apartment buildings and shit?
		At a certain number, you see a certain amount of casualties.
		I think life starts to get real cheap.
		You know, you see a certain amount of collateral damage that happens.
		It's just a part of the game.
		I think for a lot of these guys, life just starts to get cheap.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I think you're right.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think you're right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Scary shit, man.
		Scary shit, the idea that someone is willing to cut someone's fucking head off for a video.
		But if you look at like Operation Northwoods, if you look at that idea, the idea of attacking Americans and blaming it on Cubans so that we could go to war, it really fits into the whole past scheme of things.
		Yeah.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I mean, they definitely are about getting the...
		So that's why there's always a big push, you know?
		You got to get people to go like, yeah, we got to get him.
		We got to get him.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's goddamn fucking horrible.
		I'm going to take a few questions and then we're going to get out of here.
		It's 35-13.
		You didn't watch the UFC this weekend, did you?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So we can't talk too much about the UFC.
		It's pretty interesting because Josh Koschak beat up this dude.
		He fought Paul Daly and was beating him up.
		Took him down at will.
		And at one point in time in the fight, he got kneed in the face, an illegal knee, and it didn't look in the replay like it hit him at all.
		It looked like it just grazed him.
		And he went down.
		He was making it like he was really badly hurt.
		I don't know if he was hurt or not.
		He says he was.
		But it didn't look real.
		It might have been part of his strategy to fuck with this dude because he was relentlessly taunting him and tormenting him.
		Like he would take him down.
		He was talking shit to him while he was on top of him, beating him up.
		And the guy just could not get up.
		And every time he wanted to, he took him down.
		And the last 30 seconds, he's just talking shit to this dude while he's on top of him.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Just talking shit.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And Paul Daly's trying to gouge his eyes while he's on the bottom.
		It was crazy, man.
		And he was just like, I don't know what the fuck he said, but whatever he said, it was driving him nuts.
		So anyway, the bell ends to the round.
		He gets off this dude and starts to walk away.
		And Paul Daly walks up behind him, like when, like, walks up behind the referee, walks up to him, and sucker punches him after the fight was over.
		Yeah, gets booted from the UFC for life.
		Which, you know, can't do that.
		You know, that, that, you know, you can't have a fight and then try to sucker punch a guy because you didn't get to hit him for 15 minutes because he was too good.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Because he was taking you down and he was imposing his game plan on you and they sucker punch him.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Daly is booted for life.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		For life.
		Yeah.
		He fucked up.
		You know, and Dana White got really pissed.
		He asked him a question.
		Like he asked him apparently after the fight was over, do you still want to fight in the UFC?
		You know, like why are you doing shit like this?
		And he like shrugged his shoulders and walked away.
		And Dana White was like, good.
		Well, now you won't.
		I'll make that decision for you.
		And just like, you can't do shit like that.
		If you do, you've got to keep your composure.
		Like, you talk a lot of shit before the fight.
		And this guy talks mad shit.
		Like, that's his thing.
		And Koschek talks mad shit too.
		So Paul Daly and Koschak were just going back and forth and back and forth.
		And it generated an incredible amount of interest in the fight, but it also put an incredible amount of pressure on him.
		And when he was getting his ass kicked, and when it was over, and he just got molested for fucking three rounds, like, and the knee, which may or may not have hit Koschek, and, you know, it made it look like a big deal.
		And Koschek, like, was lying on his stomach and, you know, was like making it look like he was out.
		And then when the referee said to him, the referee said, get up, I saw the replay.
		Dan Mergliata goes, get up, I saw the replay.
		It didn't hit you.
		He goes, well, can you get this Vaseline out of my eye?
		He gets the Vaseline out of his eye and he goes back to fighting like normal.
		Like, what happened?
		You were almost dead just a few seconds ago.
		So it was, I think that was all a part of his psychological strategy to just fuck that dude's head up.
		And it worked hook, line, and sinker.
unidentified		It really did.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And then at the end of the fight, we're at fucking Montreal, okay?
		Montreal's in the middle of this huge playoff.
		The Canadians against Pittsburgh.
		So he goes, he grabs a microphone, goes, don't worry about it because Pittsburgh is going to kick your fucking ass.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, shit.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And they go nuts.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I mean, the fucking, you've never seen anybody like a sport or love hockey more than the Canadians.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No, no, no, no, no.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
		Dude, they go nuts.
		And then he said, and after that, I'm going to beat GSP and you'll have two fucking losses.
		And they went nuts, and he leaves.
		But meanwhile, the dude is a fucking master strategist when it comes to that shit.
		I mean, he's a heel.
		He's playing the heel.
		And everybody will be so excited to see his fight.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Of course.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's fucking brilliant, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Generates so much more interest.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He's made himself a great villain right now.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, he's a fucking, he wears the best black hat in the business.
		You know, so he did that.
		But dude, the fucking disappointment in the Canadians when he goes, don't worry about it because Pittsburgh's going to kick your fucking ass next week.
		They were like, no!
		It was like, you said something about their mother, man.
		They were so fucking upset.
		Dude, they were so upset.
		I've never seen a crowd more universally excited about a sport and a team than the Canadians are about their hockey.
		Dude, when they won, we got there Thursday night and they won.
		And they won from behind.
		They came from behind and won.
		And when we were driving, right when we were driving, the game got out and they won.
		And the fucking cab driver is telling us, oh, he's talking to us in French, telling us, you know, with his French accent, they won.
		Did they find the leader to hold him back?
		They could not hold him back.
		He took to make the goal.
		They tried to stop him.
		He could not stop him.
		And he's fucking crazy.
		He's beeping his horn.
		And everybody else is beeping their horn.
		It was a fucking party down the street, dude.
		Every car was honking their horn.
		People were jumping on top of hoods of cars and screaming and yelling.
		And everyone had a big smile on their face.
		Like, you've never seen so many people united.
		People that weren't at the game.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No.
unidentified		It was people that were leaving the game that were fired up, but everybody on the street.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's like family there.
		It's like their family.
		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Dude, it's a level of love for a sport and a team.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They must take it hard, though, when those guys lose.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh, God, yeah, dude.
		That's devastating to them.
		I've been in Vancouver when, like, I think it wasn't even like an NHL team.
		I think it was like a club league team was playing.
		Like, their club team was playing.
		And businesses shut down.
		People were on the streets for a game.
		Like, they're like, everything's going to be different tonight.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's crazy, man.
		That's crazy.
		You don't see that in America.
		Not anymore, at least.
		I mean, when I was a kid, the Red Sox, when the Red Sox made it to the World Series, was the Bill Buckner one, when the ball went through his leg.
		That was a big goddamn deal.
		The whole city was into that.
		And people, that would have been a very similar situation.
		If they had won the World Series back then, I think maybe it's still like that.
		I don't know.
		It's not in Boston anymore.
		But I don't think it is.
		I don't remember it ever being the intensity level that it was in Canada.
		In Canada, those motherfuckers, they loved it, man.
		Did you see this guy?
		Lars Vilkes.
		He's the Swedish cartoonist that drew the image of Muhammad with his body, Muhammad's head on the body of a dog.
		They've been trying to kill him for like two years.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I've heard about him drawing it.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Is that actual footage of the attacks?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They did a...
		It don't matter anyway because it's all in.
		I guess it's in Swedish.
		He's Swedish.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		So that's him right there.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, so he shows this video on religion.
		And during the middle of the video on religion, all these Muslims, apparently they got super offended.
		They run up and they tackle him and punch him in the head.
		So one dude punches him in the head, that guy, and then they have to fucking tear gas people and they all start screaming, Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Well, they're all there.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah, they're all there to go after this guy.
		They're all there to attack this guy.
		It's crazy, man.
		And they're all angry and they're young.
		The students, they have fucking laptops and cameras and shit.
		And they really truly believe that this guy's a piece of shit for drawing their guy.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Scary shit, man.
		This type of fundamentalism and retarded thinking is very frightening.
		See, that guy just hit that guy for no reason?
		Look at the faggot way he threw that punch, too.
		Isn't that the weakest shit?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		They're fucking savage.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, look at him.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Whoa, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		Nuts, man.
		Look at him.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		He got some weak-ass cops there, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I think that's a chick.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Oh.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Isn't it?
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Side control.
		She's got terrible side control.
		Is that a chick?
		Is that a chick?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I think it is.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		She should break that arm.
		She's got it right there.
		He's take that arm.
		If you haven't seen the video, it's unremarkable other than the fact that it's just another group of retarded fucking religious people screaming and yelling.
		They're the most scary because Christians, you know, you're allowed to draw Jesus.
		You can draw Jesus.
		They're so fucking crazy.
		You can't even draw the guy.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And to actually validate that point of view is ridiculous.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's so scary, though, man.
		It's so scary that this is still going on in 2010.
		And not only are these guys, like, these college students, but these guys are actually, you know, like, they have laptops.
		They're in their hands while they're there.
		They have, you know, they have cameras, digital cameras.
		They have access to the internet.
		They even have like forums on message boards and shit where they go.
		And, you know, like the South Park guys, the ones who wanted to kill South Park.
		And then somebody hacked them.
		Did you see that?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No, I didn't know that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, that was awesome.
		Somebody hacked them.
		And the picture was a Muslim guy kissing another guy.
		And the whole background was all like Muhammad's head with a bomb in his turban.
		And they left an email address for these guys to email them.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Contact us.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's us, pal.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		But look at the...
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's hilarious.
		Best guest so far, says this guy.
		Tommy Segura.
		We're looking on our forums.
		It's forums.jorogan.net, and that's the main forum for my website.
		It's a pretty fucking crazy website.
		All the podcasts go on there.
		I used to put a lot of blogs up, and I still will write some, but right now I'm in the middle of writing a movie.
		Or a movie?
		No, a book.
		And so I got an idea for a movie.
		But I'm writing a book, and once I'm done with that, then I'll be doing a lot more blogs again.
		But I got a couple more months to write this book.
		Mostly about stand-up comedy, my early days, like crazy stories and shit.
		Obama's a fucking liar.
		During the campaign, he was listening to his iPod playlist.
		That's true.
		So he knows how to use a fucking iPod.
		Yes, rivalries.
		You're correct, sir.
		Obama is a fucking liar.
		I don't know why that's annoying to me, but that shit is very, very annoying.
		Okay, wearing gold jewelry.
		In one part of the Nick Berg video, you can see a military cap move in front of the camera.
		He was working on phone lines.
		He was working on a tower over in Abu Ghraib.
		He took digital pictures of inside Abu Ghraib, hence the kidnapping.
		So that's why they killed that guy.
		That's obviously a conspiracy theory by my man Rivalries.
		But that would make sense.
		If that guy had witnessed, you know, the Abu Ghraib atrocities before we're talking about the guy who got his head cut off when they said that he was actually his head was cut off by CIA guys.
		It totally makes sense, you know?
		I think they'd be willing to do something like that.
		What the fuck do I know?
		No.
		I don't got no solutions, folks.
		I only got questions.
		You got any solutions, Tommy Buns?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		No answers to anything.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, that's the goddamn problem.
		Is that there are no answers.
		We need a radical restructuring of our entire fucking society, our entire world.
		And that's not going to happen anytime in our lifetime.
		So, what do we do?
		Do we put a patch on things?
		No, you try to control your micro world.
		That's what you do, ladies and gentlemen.
		This is my advice: you want some advice: control all the people that are around you, control what you do for a living, control your body, control your mind, control how you treat other people and what kind of treatment you'll accept from other people.
		If you do that, and if that shit spreads, and if people learn by your example, then you really can make a change and a difference.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Right, Daniel?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Absolutely.
		Make a small change, a small difference locally.
		It's sort of like politics.
		Like, local politics work, you know?
		Like, you can, if you're a local town, you can choose to put up a stop sign in an area where people need to stop because there's some accidents.
		You know, you can vote on that, and that shit will actually happen, and it'll actually become something.
		State politics, there's state laws that can get changed.
		You know, like the medical marijuana law in California is a clear example of that.
		They voted, like, yeah, the medical marijuana is helpful for people.
		Let's vote it.
		Let's make it real and now it's a reality.
		But federally, man, you don't get to vote on shit like that, federally.
		You don't get to vote on shit like that when it comes to the whole country.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And you can make changes, like, in your life and people's lives around you, too.
		You know what I mean?
		Like, if you want to fucking, like we're talking about, you can, you can get away from shit that's not affecting you in a good way and get away from people that are not good for you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And that's what you can control.
		You can control what you directly affect.
		The people in your life, the way you think, the way you behave.
		You can control all that.
		You know, the real problem with us is that we have so much more access to human beings and to connecting to each other than we ever had in the past.
		That's why people feel like they can be so douchey on message boards because there's no social consequence.
		There's no consequence to emailing someone on MySpace and just saying nasty, fucked up shit to them.
		You know, how many comics have you talked to that get horrible fucking messages on Facebook and on Twitter and dudes just say shit just to get attention?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
		And people, yeah, there's no consequence.
		There's no accountability.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Why would they even want to reach out to someone like that?
		Why would they even want to do that?
		Like, what is that all about?
		Well, it's all about the same thing.
		It's all about we've lost some sort of a connection with each other because there's too fucking many of us.
		That's why local shit is the only shit that works.
		You know, small groups, the people that you actually impact, like the people that you impact in your personal life, the people that you impact in local politics, the people you impact at your job and whatever the fuck you do for your living, you know, how you impact those people.
		That shit's all real.
		It's just the matter is, how do you get it to work like that with the whole big giant group?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You don't, man.
		We're fucking rambling.
		We're not saying shit anymore.
		Two hours and a half later.
		That's usually the end of the podcast, ladies and gentlemen.
		We come to a point of no point.
		Yeah.
		It's the Zen ending, the no conclusion.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		A lot of good points were made before we got to no point.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, your friend is a fucking badass ass kicker.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Dudes and slacks and ties shouldn't fuck with him.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Don't fuck with that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		We made that point.
		And we made a point.
		Let's review everything we learned.
		Don't drink a whole mouthful of GHB.
		That shit's terrible for you.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		That's really bad, and your parents will be disappointed in you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		Don't wait until you're 40 years old to decide you want to be a stand-up comedian.
		Don't do that.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		It's likely that you're not Robert Schimmel.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes, likely.
		And if you are a funny person and you are a funny stand-up comedian and don't assume that you have to live your life the same way that got you there with no discipline and no self-control.
		You can get your shit together, even though neither Tommy nor myself have our shit together.
		Get our shit together.
		And go buy Tommy's CD.
		It's called Thrilled.
		He's fucking hilarious.
		I'll bank on it.
		He's worked with me many times.
		You might have seen him with me.
		and we were in Sydney, Australia together.
		Do we do San Francisco together?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		We've done San Francisco, San Jose.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		San Jose.
		We've done a bunch of gigs together.
		Fucking hilarious comedian.
		TomSegura.com.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		S-E-G-U-R-A.com.
		Please follow him on Twitter.
		It's Tom Segura.
		Just right?
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		And I have links for my iTunes and Amazon.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And now you are officially on the Joe Rogan podcast promoting the Tom Segura thrilled CD.
		It will now blow the fuck up.
		Your Twitter, I guarantee you, by the end of the day, you will have 10 more Twitter followers.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		Nice, I think.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		10.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		At least.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I guarantee 10.
		I guarantee two purchases of this CD because of this.
		That would not have happened.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		I fucking really appreciate that, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like a motherfucker.
tom segura ▲ ● ▼		We also learned, by the way, that you can masturbate in a whole new way.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
		You can fuck this.
		It's way better than your fist.
		And yes, I am sponsored by a fleshlight, but if it sucked, I would quit the sponsorship and I would tell you, I would not sell you anything that I don't think is real.
		I will guarantee you this.
		I'm not saying that I will never have sponsors, but I am saying that I will never try to endorse something that I don't think is an awesome product.
		And this is a goddamn awesome product.
		And it's for beating off, which I'm for.
		Probeating off.
		Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for tuning into the podcast.
		We will see you next week, next Tuesday, same bat time, same bat channel, 3 p.m.
		Pacific, unless Mrs. Rogan busts out the baby, because she's ready to do it any day now.
		That might fuck up my schedule.
		But either way, the weekly podcast will continue.
		I will keep you informed on Twitter.
		Thank you, everybody.
		Thank you very much for tuning in.
		I love you, bitches, and I'll see you soon.

▲