Joe Rogan and Brian Redban dive into bizarre topics—from a Vice documentary exposing Liberia’s cannibalism-linked chaos to Apple’s iPad camera pivot, where leaked prototypes hint at future models despite early skepticism. They mock corporate bailouts, question military recruitment ethics (like Pat Tillman’s death), and debate sexting risks, while critiquing fanny packs and fawning over 1970s Superfly. Rogan’s wild tangents—Nibiru’s Sumerian origins, Yellowstone’s supervolcano, or "perfect" vs. "cartoon ass" implants—underscore humanity’s obsession with extremes, whether ancient conspiracy theories or modern vanity, all while joking about jaguars, blaxploitation humor, and the absurdity of viral trends. The episode’s chaotic charm reveals how even deep dives into science or history get derailed by pop culture and personal quirks, leaving listeners amused yet reminded of life’s unpredictable absurdity. [Automatically generated summary]
If you just tell people that you think that Technology is some sort of a symbiotic lifeform that's existing with us and eventually it's going to overcome us.
And then everybody's looking at it like we control it always, you know?
No, no, like those Terminator movies, those guys got it right.
Like that's like super possible.
It really is.
I mean, no one wants to believe it, but if you look at how fucking chaotic human life is, and not really in America, you know, this is a pretty badass country, But if you watch documentaries on that Vice Squad Guide to Liberia, is that what it was?
Yeah, if you haven't seen what we're talking about with the lion shit, there was these gigantic lions that lived in Africa, and they got cut off from the rest of the continent, and they were stuck on an island.
They were like regular-sized lions at first, they presume, and because they were on the island with only water buffalo, Water buffalo are hard as fuck to kill, so these lions got gigantic.
They grew fucking huge from taking down water buffaloes.
Yeah, those mice that have that myostatin thing, like those dogs, those whippets, when they do those experiments on them and they make them look like cartoons.
When you get older, one of the things that happens is the fat leaves your skin, and these people who are like 13 and 12, and little babies even, They have this disease where that's how their body starts treating it right away.
So their skin starts to behave like an old person's skin.
Yeah, but it's pretty freaky when you find diseases like that.
But this Liberia shit, man, if you haven't seen this, I have to throw this link up because it's one of the gnarliest fucking documentaries I've ever seen, ever.
And these guys, I think their show's called Vice Guide TV. Yeah, Vice Guide to Liberia.
What if you could go to a group once a month for 10 minutes and they just showed you a bunch of products and then they're like, no more advertising for you on the internet or for the TV just because you...
You know, you went to like a group meeting just so advertisers can sell their products to you in person.
When you go to the movies, what you're conceding is that you give them money, so they're only going to annoy you in the beginning, and then they're going to stop annoying you.
They're going to let the thing play out in its full form, which is the most enjoyable way.
Wouldn't you appreciate any Coca-Cola or any one of those people?
Just stepped in and said, listen, we all know the TV shows are better when you let them play from the beginning to end.
You don't want to interrupt them with commercials all the time.
How about we'll do this?
We'll advertise in the beginning.
Thank you very much.
I hope you enjoy our product.
Hope you enjoy this movie.
Bam!
That's how it's supposed to be.
They got it nailed.
These movie guys got it nailed.
These TV guys are retarded.
Don't be putting shit on the middle of the fucking show, stupid.
That dude, you know, he's one of those dudes when he's playing like angry or crazy, like he goes so far, you would worry that he's going to like, you'd worry he's going to do something fucking crazy, you know?
When he's in a role, he's one of those dudes that's like, I always look forward to his movies.
Whatever it is, he knows how to do it.
Acting is such a tricky thing.
You know, isn't it like some actors you really look forward to seeing them in movies?
You know what's really gay is that, gross, is that there's a John Travolta movie that's coming out where it's a love story, and it uses a cross-movie reference.
That's how bad it is.
He's, like, in Paris and goes, I always like a Royale with cheese.
Yeah, but could you imagine, though, for real, if...
If there was such a planet and there was such a mineral and there were mercenaries who were going to that planet If it wasn't broadcast to us, we don't know what the fuck is going on in Afghanistan every day.
We don't know about these crazy drones that are firing missiles into Pakistan.
I mean, this is real stuff that's on the news.
It seems like science fiction.
This is going on every day in other parts of the world.
And that ain't that much different, man.
It ain't that much different.
It's people that don't know people jacking people for their shit.
And that's what's going on right now, and that's what was going on in the movie.
It's not that unrealistic.
You know?
In fact, it might be generous.
The idea that they would go so far as to make artificial ones to try to be friends with them.
Really?
More like kill them.
More like kill them.
I mean, that's what people do.
I mean, that movie painted a much more, a much brighter picture of humanity than the real humanity.
The real humanity, we're not making like Arab clones and we're operating them with remote control to go in and infiltrate the Taliban and go, hey guys, like, what's wrong with being American?
Maybe we can all be cool.
You know?
If the United States government had that kind of insight and innovation into the human body, could you imagine the kind of shit that they would do?
They would just make billions and billions of Republicans.
They would just start cloning Republicans and making them.
We're going to figure out a reason to convince everybody on this side that those people are evil.
That's what we've always done.
Those people are evil, and then we jack them.
You know?
I mean, it's fucking amazing that the same game can go on for so long.
And in this age of information, it can still be passed off as the important thing to do.
You know?
The important thing to do at a certain point...
It's to try to fucking help everybody.
Try to get all these countries to chill the fuck out.
But that's never going to happen, man.
Because they live in somewhere that sucks.
And when you live somewhere that really sucks, there's a lot of goddamn conflict.
You know?
That's just a fact.
They got a terrible fucking roll of the dice.
And they're living in a part of the world that stuck hundreds and hundreds of years ago.
They've got technology, but they've got chaos and...
It's just a mess.
They've been fighting forever.
They've been fighting forever over there, man.
I mean, that's what they do.
That's what these fucking people do.
In the Middle East, war has been going on in the Middle East for so long.
You talk to Israelis, dudes who live in Israel, Ari talks about it all the time.
Those motherfuckers are hard.
Those people are different.
Those people are experiencing war on a daily basis, man.
That's like a part of their culture, almost.
It's like this conflict is going on for so fucking long over there.
And it's almost impossible to see a way without evolving, without evolving as a species.
It's almost impossible to see a way it's going to end.
It just keeps going.
It doesn't show any sign of letting up.
If you looked at it as a wave, and you see the wave bouncing back and forth, it doesn't seem like it's going away.
It seems like there's always some bullshit going down.
There's always, this motherfucker is mad at that motherfucker, and he's gonna launch bombs, and da-da-da.
It just, it seems like it takes a little time off, and then it bounces right back, and Palestine wants their land back, and da-da-da, and the settlers, and oh shit, someone got run over by a tank.
That's a dirty bitch that cleans their husband's asshole.
I guarantee if there was an asshole cleaning machine and it was a woman's face, like a really hot Asian woman, your wife would want her own asshole cleaning machine right next to it.
There's a Sony store at the mall, and they have a 3D TV. And you put glasses on, and you turn them on with a button, and it's just like watching Avatar in 3D. It's fucking insane!
They had sports on, they had soccer, and the soccer ball's fucking flying by you.
I mean, it's really wicked.
It's just so much more immersive.
It's really, really cool.
And that's going to be on TV soon, man.
It's coming out this summer in 2010. They're going to have the first units out.
I would love to just be in that guy's presence and just talk to him.
A fascinating dude.
But sometimes...
Even dudes who are geniuses at anything, whether it's playing chess or being a martial artist, sometimes there's something wrong with them to get them there.
There's something about getting really amazing at something.
People that are the very, very best at something, they're almost all crazy.
It's really hard not to be, you know?
Could you imagine if you were the best in the world, like a Lance Armstrong type dude?
Yeah, well, you know, and everybody says, no, bullshit, because it's too hard on the fighters.
I don't necessarily know if that's true.
You know, there's a lot of times where a momentum is being established, and it's being established, and you would like to see where it goes.
You don't want to see them, like, fuel up and have some water in the corner.
I want to see where it goes from there.
If a dude works for, like, four minutes, I think that's what the best guys would want.
The best guys would want to see that.
They would want to see a big-ass 10-minute round.
In the interest of the safety of the fighters, though, they're going to take less damage in a five-minute round.
That's why I accept it.
I accept the unified rules because if you look at it, like, in terms of, like, what's going to be the most palatable for the American public, yeah, that's the most palatable.
Five-minute rounds, you know, five rounds for championship fights.
I totally agree with all that stuff.
The only thing...
Sometimes I think that I would substitute knees on the ground for elbows.
I think knees from that position when you're holding on to a guy and you can knee him in the face...
Elbows on the ground cut the shit out of dudes.
And sometimes they fuck up fights.
They'll end a fight early that was a really good fight and it's because of a cut.
Usually that doesn't happen.
The UFC is so much better about that than boxing though.
Boxing, any kind of a bad cut, and they'll stop the fight right away.
UFC let Stefan Struve fight, and he had like a hatchet wound in his head.
I mean, it was a giant cut.
It was a giant cut.
And they let the fight go, and he eventually got the dude down and choked him out.
And it was an incredible fight.
I mean, he was busted wide open, covered with blood.
It was insane.
And after it was over, the guy was so dizzy, he had lost so much blood, he could barely talk to me.
I was talking to him after the fight.
It was incredible.
They would never let that happen in a boxing match.
I think it was kind of crazy that that fight took place in Germany.
Because the Germans were kind of reluctant to have the UFC there.
And then I was thinking, wow, this is one of the bloodiest fights ever.
This is where it's going to take place.
A place where they're apprehensive about it.
Apparently a bunch of German dudes came down to see the UFC in Vegas.
Yeah, I think it's really hard to keep a musical band together.
I know Eddie has a hard time keeping...
He does a bunch of different projects all at the same time, so he doesn't ever have to rely on any one person.
And he runs all of them.
It's got to be super hard to keep a bunch of people who are wanting to be stars and wanting to...
You just can't wait to get rich and get nutty and fucking lose their marbles and think that they're the reason why this band's there in the first place.
It's so very rare that a band like a Foo Fighters band or something like that could really come together and just be this badass band and keep it together and make good music.
It's so hard.
It seems like bands are good for a couple of CDs, and then it just gets rough for most of them.
The rare few can just keep jamming on.
The rare few, like the Rolling Stones, just keep it together forever.
That's nuts.
The crazy thing about the Rolling Stones is they're going out like a young rock band.
Mick Jagger still bounces around on stage and yelling and shit.
He's in incredible shape.
You know?
That's the amazing thing about how the Stones are doing it.
It's not like he's just, you know, decided in his later years he's just going to stand there and sing the song.
Yeah, he's still out there doing crazy four-hour concerts and shit.
You know what, man?
Those guys have people that love them.
There's people that have fans, and then there's people like Bruce Springsteen that have people that worship him and live for the fact that Bruce Springsteen is alive.
And their whole day revolves around Springsteen.
And they probably post on a message board somewhere.
And their message board name is probably like B Springsteen or something like that, you know what I'm saying?
Or some obscure nickname that they know that Bruce Springsteen had when he was younger that they dropped after a while, you know what I'm saying?
You know, the fucking, the Long Island Expressway, whatever the fuck it would be, you know, whatever they would call him.
That's like the bit I have about the dumb people outbreeding the smart people.
The smart people die off and everything shuts down and then the dumb people are stuck there.
But in this case, it's poor, unfortunate people that were actually born in this one town.
It's happening so fast.
Detroit is falling apart at this insane rate.
And it's not getting any better.
They say that it's over 50% joblessness in Detroit because they report like 20-something percent, but the rest of them are just people who have stopped counting them after like a year.
It's crazy, man.
It's scary, you know?
We used to make the coolest fucking cars ever.
If you compare just on a coolness factor...
Like some of the cars that America was making in like 1969 and then like Alfa Romeo.
Those gay looking pieces of shit.
Those goofy looking clunk boxes.
Take a 1967 Corvette over all those bitches.
You know, America was making some radical fucking cars, man.
They did this on Top Gear, that fucking awesome car show on BBC. If you haven't seen it, you can get it on BBC. You get it on DirecTV, they have BBC America.
It's an awesome car show.
They did this test where they took...
A Prius, and they ran it around a track as fast as it could go.
As fast as they could get it to go around the track.
And they followed it with a BMW M3, which has a big V8. And they found out that all the BMW had to do was to stay at the same pace as the Prius.
Just keep up with it.
That's all it had to do.
Well, when they measured it miles per gallon, the BMW got more miles per gallon than the Prius.
It's like when you drive it fast, It's like, it's a piece of shit.
Yeah, there's no reason to, in the long run, the price also costs so much more money that you'll be spending on the car that it's not even worth the money you save on gas.
And it was, uh, I think they said it was like the difference between, like, the Prius was only getting like 14 miles to the gallon, and the BMW got like 17 or 18. Yeah.
unidentified
By the way, I posted the, uh, Don't quote me on those numbers.
Oh, so this iPad manufacturer that is going to fix iPads, he fixes iPhones, just got a shipment of replacement bezels for the iPad, so if he ever has to replace that, and it has a spot for a camera in it.
So I was like 19 years old, completely lost, had no idea what I was doing with my life.
I had a hard time getting laid.
Very difficult.
So this ex-girlfriend, who lived like an hour and a half away, and I was talking to her on the phone, and we were talking dirty, and she wanted me to drive up to visit her.
And it was such a fucking long drive, and it was the winter, it was snowing out, and I'm an idiot, and I went out there and...
When I saw it, I saw it with a bunch of people, and we all had to watch TV because we were in middle school, and then it happened and everyone started crying, and I just remember going, oh, what's going on?
And the teachers were all freaking because you couldn't just text your mom like, hey mom, did you know what happened?
So you had to get these birds and tie messages too.
You know, it's just really wrong that kids, when you're that young, you make all kinds of fucking mistakes.
People, they do all kinds of stupid shit.
You're dumb.
The fact that Kids today, anything you say and do back then, that shit is like a record forever.
Any blog you write, any MySpace pics you post up, that shit's a record of you for the rest of your life.
And for some kids, they fuck up and picture them sucking a dick.
And then some dude who ordinarily would really love this chick but can't get over the fact that there's this picture that every one of his friends has of her sucking her ex-boyfriend's cock and it's online.
And he just freaks out.
He can't fucking deal with it.
And it ruins the relationship because this dude can't deal with the fact that there's a picture online that anybody could see of his wife, you know, the mother of his children supposedly someday, sucking some other guy's dick.
Especially if it's a black guy.
unidentified
Right?
Then we go back to the Julia Roberts 20. Something about a black eye just hurting, hurting it.
You know, black eyes, let's be honest, you know, for the most part, except for, I always say Brock Lesnar, he says that Brock Lesnar is like a white guy with black eyes genetics.
It's a funny thing that you would think that people would think that, like, saying that a black guy having a bigger dick and a black guy being better sexually and, you know, more troublesome to white dudes.
How would that be racist?
Wouldn't that be, like, positive for black guys?
Could you imagine if people were saying that about you?
Why is he racist, though?
There's a lot of people that if you say that, if you put it that way, like, there's people that think that black guys being over-sexual or black guys being...
I've been around him so many years, you know, at the comedy store.
That was one of the craziest things about being a kid and being a fan of his and then being, you know, then starting to be an amateur comedian and then, you know, doing...
Getting paid gigs after a couple of years and then moving to California years and years later is that I would go on and I would have to introduce Dice.
The comic store, the way it used to work, it still does, but the way it works is each comic brings up the next comic.
I got brought on stage by Martin Lawrence.
It was one of the first times somebody famous ever did it.
You know, he brought me on stage and I was like, holy shit, like Martin Lawrence just said my name and brought me on stage.
Like, to me, that was like a crazy deal.
Like, you know, you see that guy on TV and movies and all of a sudden I'm shaking his hand and now I gotta go on stage after him and nobody knows who the fuck I am.
But Dice Clay was the coolest.
That was the craziest one ever.
That was like, you know, getting the, who's next?
Joe Rogan?
Who the fuck is Joe Rogan?
I don't remember how it said it, but when he brought me on stage, I was like, holy shit.
Dice fucking Clay just brought me on stage.
To me, that was a fun moment.
That was a crazy moment in comedy.
When I was a kid, that guy was the most hyped up comic ever.
Mark Hayden.
Yes, you did open up for me in England.
Mark Hayden is going to freak out.
He keeps insisting that this Mark Gayden guy is not him, but whoever this Mark Gayden guy is, I think he's representing Mark Hayden very well.
So I'm going to keep pretending that he is him.
Who is Joe Rogan?
You doing stand-up in CO before the versus...
Oh, who is Joe Rogan?
Hmm.
Is that like how these kids are talking these days?
Who is Joe Rogan?
Is that like a new way of talking to people?
That doesn't make any sense?
That sounds cool?
That does kind of sound cool.
You know?
What is your name, dude?
Carperversion?
Carperversion?
Who is Carperversion?
You know, if that's what you say when you see people.
Instead of like, hey, what's up, dude, say, who is Joe Rogan?
Am I doing stand-up in Colorado?
Yeah, I'll be doing it somewhere.
I don't have anything booked.
But I will definitely be there the night before whatever the, I think the UFC fights are on a Sunday night, I think.
I'm not sure.
But whatever night they're on, the night before that, whether it's Saturday or Friday, I'll be doing stand-up.
And I'll put it on Twitter, and I'll let you bitches know.
Have you heard of the cat that has predicted over 50 deaths in a nursing home?
You know what that's like?
That's like predicting alcoholics are going to drink.
Or if I'm doing it with a lighter, I get it real quick and I let it sit for a minute and then I... I think there's a residue, man, that gets on the weed with those lighters, and I think that shit's bad for you.
It's probably worse for you than smoking for some people, like for your lungs.
It's got to be very unhealthy, man.
It's like a toxic fume you're inhaling, you know?
That ain't good, you know?
There's no studies done on how many times you can fucking suck off lighter fluid and breathe it into your lungs and not do permanent damage, you know?
Ladies and gentlemen, if you only watch one blaxploitation movie from the 70s, it should be Superfly.
It's one of the most...
Goddamn brilliant films to have ever been created.
And when you're high, it becomes a motherfucking masterpiece because it's real.
I mean, this is a real movie where they're playing off real cool cats.
And one time this guy says, you know, he's thinking about getting out of the game.
I got everything I ever wanted.
My hall, my vines, a white woman like you.
My hall, my vines, my car, my vines, my clothes, and a white woman like you?
Wow.
It's genius, dude.
It's hilarious.
It's such a bad movie.
It's so fucking good.
It's so bad and so real.
You can take a parody like Airplane and they'll be funny, but they'll never be as funny as something that's supposed to be good but isn't and is funny on accident.
There's something about those that's like a different kind of funny.
You know what I mean?
Like a holy shit funny.
Like, what the fuck were they thinking funny?
You know?
And Superfly is one of the best at that.
Like, sort of like Showgirls is.
You know, Showgirls, you see Showgirls and it's like, what the fuck are they doing?
Well, I just can't believe some of the movies from the 80s, I just can't believe people actually bought, like, you know, like the Howard the Duck movie.
And he was this mad genius who was super depressed.
Wrote all these books, and I think he was only like 36 when he blew his fucking brains out.
Just couldn't take it anymore.
Just lived a terrible life.
Lived with his mother.
He was super depressed, apparently, and just wrote these incredible fantasy books about far-off lands and a fucking conqueror who could not be beat and would destroy and cut men down and fight monsters and shit and all fucking all these chicks and drinking wine.
He was just a human but yet hyper-human character that represented all of this guy's frustrations.
Fucking genius shit, man.
Especially if you think about the fact that the guy was writing it in the 50s.
By the time they made it a movie, Arnold Schwarzenegger was like, damn dude, why are you so monster?
Why are you big?
That's ridiculous.
What's the reason for that?
That's not Conan.
Conan is more like a George St. Pierre type build.
It's gonna happen in a laboratory before it's gonna happen with two people having sex.
It's not going to happen the old-fashioned way where the gladiator meets the warrior princess.
It's not going to happen like that.
The way it's going to happen now is someone's going to take the attributes.
You're going to get some fat, dumpy dude who's got a little dick, but he's got a lot of money because he's crazy, and he's invested all of his time to learning the stock market and swindling people, and he's going to have children that are psychotic, warrior, genius offspring because he's going to manipulate all his shitty genes, and it's going to create some super offspring.
And why he's a fucking young wife and killing him.
But there's something that we have in our head about someone coming down and fixing everything.
And...
I don't think that shit's happening.
I think we're looking for Daddy to come down and throw down the rescue boat and pull us out of this mess.
And I think that's why people look at it.
If you don't know what Nibiru is, there's people that believe that there's a planet that's in an elliptical orbit.
And every 3,600 years, it travels between Mars and Jupiter.
It travels very close to Earth.
Or between us and Mars, rather.
And this gigantic, huge planet is responsible for many, many catastrophic events in Earth's history.
And it's also responsible for these beings called the Anunnaki to come from this planet and go on Earth and create human beings with genetic engineering.
I mean, it's some fascinating shit.
It's all from the Sumerian text, and the Sumerian text is the oldest known written language.
It's called cuneiform, and they write it in these little weird strokes.
They're one of the oldest civilizations that we know of.
They had the first astronomy, the first astrology, including, they had detailed depictions of the solar system, with planets in all the right orbits.
They had Mars, and they had Pluto.
They even had Pluto.
We didn't know about Pluto until 1970, and they had a drawing of Pluto that was carved in a stone, or that was rolled onto a tablet.
6,000 years ago?
5,000 years ago?
I mean, it's really, really crazy stuff.
And when this guy, Zachariah Sitchin, and this is where it gets controversial, because some guys who are scholars, who are language scientists, and guys who are archaeologists breaking down ancient languages and trying to figure out the roots of the word, where they don't necessarily believe that Sitchin's right, and they think that maybe he's leapt to some conclusions in his depictions.
I don't know.
I have no knowledge when it comes to foreign languages, so I don't understand the argument.
So I see it back and forth.
It's fascinating to me.
It's interesting.
You can't prove it.
Who the fuck knows?
But what is interesting is that culture, the Sumerian culture, is crazy.
They had the first everything, the first mathematics.
They had the first use of the wheel.
What the fuck, bro?
Shut your shit off, man.
I thought I did.
How dare you?
Anyway.
Who the fuck knows?
What's more fascinating than this idea of a planet, because there's not enough evidence that there's another planet.
But there is enough evidence that these people back then, 6,000 years ago, had some amazing view of the world.
They had some amazing technology.
They knew about the DNA, the double helix of the DNA. That was their sign for medicine, their sign for pharmacy.
They drew a caduceus, which they still use today as a sign of medicine.
That's crazy shit, man.
They had all these depictions of...
There was like large people...
With small people in their laps and the small people had tails.
And the people that look at these go, look, this is genetic engineering.
The giants, they made the monkey too.
The DNA of the alien, they created this hybrid.
Maybe.
Maybe they just draw on a fucking big guy with a monkey in his lap and make the monkey look like Curious George and look like a person.
What the fuck, man?
How can you tell me that's exactly what that is?
I mean, it could be like their cartoon.
This is their little character.
This is the crazy monkey that looks like a human and wants to ask stupid questions.
Maybe it's just because all these assholes are screaming, the sky is falling.
One of the things that was really interesting, I was listening to some recordings of Hunter S. Thompson speaking at the University of Colorado, and it was like 1974. And he was talking about the CFR, which is supposedly the group of people that control the world, the global bankers, the Bilderberg Group, that type of shit.
And he was talking about what's going on overseas and what the United States is up to and how corrupt the political system is and how it's probably, if it goes this way much longer, the country's going to fall apart.
But then you look at it like 30 years later, it's still the same shit.
Like, if we were in high school, like I was in high school earlier than you, they probably didn't even know yet.
Because one of the things they found out about with these Yellowstone...
They had satellite images.
And when they took the satellite images, that's when they realized that what they were dealing with was a caldera, which was a volcano that was so explosive that the top literally disappeared.
Like, be like Hawaii, but Hawaii fucking explodes.
And it's just flat.
I mean, that's how big this volcano is.
It's 300 miles across.
That's insane!
And when it blows up, you imagine 300 miles of explosion straight up into the air.
You'd be fucked because the ash would rain and fuck everything up.
It would kill animals.
It would pollute the water supply.
It would fuck everything up, man.
You think about how much...
It's like...
Heavy, soot is like snow, except it's much heavier, so roofs would collapse, so you would get 2-3 feet of soot that would come down, and even if you stayed inside your house and relaxed, your house would very likely get crushed from this fucking soot, because this soot would be thousands and thousands of pounds on your roof.
Well, they know that there's been smaller ones where it's just killed a lot of things, and then there's been these gigantic earth-shattering ones every six to eight hundred thousand years.
And the last time there was one was six hundred thousand years ago.
That if it breaks off, they have these underwater landslides occur where these big shelves of these mountains fall off.
And it's happened thousands of times throughout history.
Well, if this one particular rock flat, this whole area which they predict one day will break off and go into the ocean, this one particular side of a mountain, if it does that, it's going to create a gigantic tsunami.
That engulfs the whole east coast of the United States.
Like miles in.
It's just going to be miles in water.
I mean, just a gigantic chunk of rock pouring into the ocean.
And these fucking waves that are like a mile high just going to roll in and wreck everything.
Yeah, he's been to Japan when he used to work for Pride.
Where did Money Japan sit?
Yeah, on a long time scale, everything is inevitable.
That's what people have to realize.
We know for sure that human beings have a lifespan.
You're going to die.
As much as you plan for the future, you're going to die.
We know that planets have a lifespan.
As much as you plan for the future, fucking suns eventually run out of energy.
It might take billions of years, but it's going to happen.
And what we have to worry about is not just that.
Not just Earthquakes.
Not just supervolcanoes.
Not just meteors.
We have to worry about gamma-ray explosions.
We have to worry about, like, supernovas that happen out in space that make these giant gamma-ray bursts and fucking flood the Earth, crushing all our communication systems, crushing all our satellites, breaking everything.
No wireless internet.
No Oprah.
Everything shuts the fuck down.
I mean, that shit's all possible.
Giant crazy solar flares.
There's a lot of shit that could fuck human beings up.
There's a lot of shit.
They say that the polar ice caps have shifted more than once in the past.
They also say that 10,000 years ago, during the last ice age, the North American continent, half of it was under a mile of ice.
North America was fucked up, dude.
It was all ice.
That's crazy shit.
That's only 10,000 years ago, man.
Crazy things can happen.
How would we stop North America from turning all ice again if the earth got that cold again?
What the fuck would we do?
What would we do?
Turn on the heat?
What the fuck would we do?
What would we do if all of a sudden North America started turning into a fucking mile-high sheet wall of ice?
It's not just the fact that people choose not to think about it.
I think they typically avoid it.
So they don't ever have to think about the real big picture.
The real big picture is very frightening to a lot of people.
There's the big picture, like what are you going to do with your life?
You know, you're going to get married.
You're going to have kids.
You're going to get a good job.
You're going to be able to put your kids through college.
That's the real picture.
And then the big picture.
And the big picture is what the fuck are we doing?
We're involved in two wars.
It's 2010.
This is the age of information.
We see everywhere that we're being fucked left and right.
You know that your bailout money is going to these corporations.
And the corporation CEOs are taking hundreds of millions of dollars in payouts for bonuses and all this insanity.
And you're like, what fucking bonus?
Like, they used the United States taxpayers' money to bail out the company.
And now they get to get money.
They get bonuses.
Big, giant checks.
For what?
For fucking up?
Like, what kind of a criminal organization is this?
And we're accepting it?
What the fuck is this country running under?
That's part A of the big picture.
And then part B of the picture is, what the fuck?
We're in space?
That's the crazy one.
The part B is, we are on a planet.
And this planet is one of an infinite amount of planets and an infinite amount of solar systems and an infinite amount of galaxies spread throughout an infinite amount of space.
And that space and the universe itself may be some sort of a geometric pattern that you can duplicate and model.
But it's because I get on the space thing in life.
When I think about life, when I think about anything, when I think about Obama talking about gays in the military, we must repeal, don't ask, don't tell.
people go to die too.
Like, this is nuts.
Like, you know, who the fuck wants to be in the military now?
Like, at this point in time, they're saying to him, you know, like, look, okay, we need gay people.
Let's just be cool about this and get gay people.
We're running out of people who want to join the military.
Let's get some gay people in it too.
Right.
The military, I think, in our grandparents' era, I think they were at least less under the illusion that they were getting fucked.
I've talked to so many dudes that come back and are so disillusioned.
That Pat Tillman guy, that's the best example ever.
There's a dude who's an NFL football star who decides that he wants to go fight for his country.
The noblest of virtues.
For a man to want to represent his country in a time of need...
To realize that he has to step up.
There are certain times in history where men have to do things.
And fuck all the glory from being an NFL player.
He's going to do the right thing and fight for his fucking country.
And he goes over there and gets killed in friendly fire.
Well, the crazy thing was how quickly he was talking about how fucked up it is over there and how disillusioned he is and how it's a mess and his brother's talking about it and they're completely incompetent and he was talking about how just completely unorganized it is over there and chaotic and how he didn't believe, you know, in what he joined up for the army in the the crazy thing was how quickly he was talking about how fucked He was being tricked and that's not what it was.
And it was a fascinating, fascinating fucking story.
You know, and that represents everything that's best about America.
Like a guy who is willing to look at it and say, man...
I need to fucking do something.
Fuck all this football playing.
I'm gonna go over there.
I'm gonna make a difference.
And then when he gets there, he's mad enough to go, oh shit, this is a mess.
Like, this is not what I wanted.
I'm not gonna be United States' bitch over this.
This is craziness.
This is chaos.
And then he's dead.
You know, I mean, which is what happens, man.
You know, you go to fucking war, people die.
It's terrible.
But it's just, at this point in time, man, you know, there's gotta be better ways around this.
There's gotta be better ways to, and I don't know what the fuck they are.
What are you doing?
Put that shit back so we can see each other.
I want to read the fucking trap, man.
Don't be going on TMZ. You got your laptop right there?
You're contemplating your role in the universe, seeing all these different characters walking through the airport, got the big Dr. Dre Beats headphones on, and I get out of the plane like this.
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It makes it like a ride You tell me you don't like this?
Most of the time I don't drive with my fanny pack on.
The only time I do is when I'm on the way to the airport.
People give the fanny pack a hard time.
Matt Serra, I saw you on your video blog, which is fucking hilarious, leading up to this week's UFC, and I'm very much looking forward to your fight with Frank Trigg, but I saw you coming down on the fanny pack, my brother, and you gotta let it go.
Nothing wrong with a fanny pack, okay?
The only reason there is something wrong with a fanny pack is because you know you can't get laid if you wear a fanny pack.
So who gives a fuck?
Anybody that won't fuck you because you wear a fanny pack, you don't want them.
That's what I have to say.
That's a functional piece of wardrobe.
It's excellent.
You fucking strap that bitch on right there and you got all your shit right here.
No, that's the funny thing you say that, because I was just at a gym the other day that had all these racquetball courts, and I was like, that was one of the first times I've ever seen racquetball in a show in a long time.
I've had both my ACLs reconstructed and I had another meniscus surgery on my left knee.
And they work great now.
I have no problem doing jujitsu and they're fun and it's fine.
But I think if I did stuff like that, like cutting back and forth all the time, you run the risk of injuring yourself.
Jujitsu, I can kind of control the movements a little bit more, especially if you pull guard and you control where your legs are going.
When you're going back and forth like that, you're putting a tremendous amount of pressure on your joints.
Any explosive movement like that, it's an interesting thing to watch athletically, but for your body, eventually that shit's going to wear the fuck out of you.
You know what's the craziest thing, man?
It's when you see old football players, man.
You gotta respect the fucking dedication that goes into that sport.
The amount of pain those guys have to deal with.
Those guys get fucking clipped.
You know what I mean?
Some fucking football games that you see, like we see the clips on YouTube, where dudes are running full steam and just...
Right into another dude and send him smashing to the ground and another guy fucking piles into it at the same time.
You watch and you just go, Jesus Christ!
Your body, your fucking body is just going to get mangled.
And some of these guys, like running backs, they're like not that big dudes.
You know, these big fucking gorillas, you're trying to get at them.
Anything they have, anything that happens, they just zap you and it's like they have Apple backup for your hard drive.
That's all they have for your life.
Right before you go in and do anything dangerous, they back up your life, you know, like a couple weeks ago, and then they reload you back into the grid.
I mean, look, if you believe in like Ray Kurzweil and these futurists that believe that one day you were going to be able to download consciousness into a computer...
I mean, at a certain point in time, the real question becomes like, what is reality then?
If you're downloaded into a computer, who keeps the computer on?
The computers keep the computers on?
And then we're part of this new life, this new world that exists inside a fucking machine?
And then your consciousness exists in a machine?
And what happens to the original version of your consciousness?
What does Gaia have planned for you after you die?
Do you really go into some great well of souls and go into the next stage of existence?
Does that happen?
And if that does happen, you're already downloaded into the machine.
Does the well of souls accept you?
Or does the well of souls go, listen bitch, I don't accept software privacy up in heaven.
You can't be copying my shit and putting it on BitTorrent down on earth And having all these, you know, come on, man.
Your time's up, bitch.
It's over.
You have to move on.
You know, maybe it doesn't accept you if there's a version of you running in this parallel dimension.
Maybe heaven won't accept you because you've got to let go.
That's the whole idea of living and dying is to know that this is a stage.
It's almost like a kid who wants to go down the slide and he's holding onto the back of the slide...
And he wants to go down the slide and hold on at the same time.
Well, you can't.
Either you go down the slide, or you hold on, you'd be a bitch.
So either you download yourself into a computer, live forever, or you see what's next, like you're supposed to.
Right?
Aubrey de Grey believes we will live forever in biological form.
Yeah, I've seen that guy, that Professor Aubrey de Grey, day sleeper, 1988. He's that crazy English dude with the big, long, crazy beard who drinks a lot of beer.
Yeah, he's a fascinating guy.
He's, you know, some crazy, mad scientist genius character who is working on changing human beings at the molecular level to prevent aging, to change aging, and working on all these different science things.
For our anti-aging.
And the idea is that if you can survive for a few years, the next 20 or 30 years, you're likely that you can live forever.
Which is really crazy.
Just insane to think about.
There's so many people as it is right now.
Did you see Pandorum, by the way?
Unsolicited plug here.
Hold on a second, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna grab this bitch so you know what the fuck I'm talking about.
I watched this the other night on Blu-ray.
It's called Pandorum.
And this is a movie that Kung Lee is in.
And that's, I think, how I found out about it the first time.
And then a dude named Angry Amadeus on my message board made a post about it.
And he's a pretty smart guy and he was talking about how great it was.
Whole Lotta Love is one of my favorite songs of all time.
There was something about the 70s, man.
They had a certain...
The 60s and the 70s.
They had a certain energy to their music.
That was representing the changes that were going on in the culture that we haven't had in a long time.
The thing about Jimi Hendrix and the thing about the Doors and the Beatles and all the Zeppelin, the bands from that era is they were bursting to the scene in one of the most One of the biggest changes in our human culture ever.
Like, between the 50s and the 70s, shit just went haywire and whacked out of fucking control.
And all of a sudden there's, you know, love power and stop the war and everyone's doing acid and Ken Kesey and the fucking Merry Pranksters and they're all doing acid.
Hanging out with fucking Timothy Leary and Hunter Thompson.
And everyone's trying to change the world.
And everybody's fucking everybody left and right.
And Jimi Hendrix is on stage just jamming to his guitar.
Doing the Star Spangled Banner with his fucking guitar.
And it's the craziest version of it ever.
And there's dirty hippies on acid wallowing in the mud in front of them.
I mean, there was nothing like it.
There was nothing like it before.
It changed the culture.
You know, so that music, when I listen to it, man, I feel that shit in it.
When I listen to some old Hendrix or some Stones from that era, you feel the fucking time.
You feel that era.
It's imprinted in the really great art of that era.
People were putting Two Live Crew in jail for being too dirty.
They were so dirty they wanted to lock them in cages and they did it.
You know, that's how crazy Florida is.
In Florida, you can get OxyContin's everywhere you fucking turn.
You can go to a store, you know, right next to, you know, a fucking apartment building, and they got a pain management center, and you go to these pain management centers, and there's all these OxyContin junkies who's sitting around wanting to get their shit.
That's okay, but you can't have a black guy talking about eating pussy.
You could date a girl and she likes you to slap her and then you get into that and you guys have loco sex because you're slapping her and then fucking her in the ass and she's nutty and then, you know, that's your shit now.
Like, you're all fired up and the next girl, you're trying to slap her and fuck her in the ass and she's like, you fucking asshole, you piece of shit.
And you ruin, like, the best relationship ever.
Why?
Because you're addicted to ass-fucking and slapping bitches.
No, but what I meant was websites getting exclusive content deals with porn stars who are filming their own porns, you know, and like people get to write in suggestions, you know, hey, I want to watch...
Jesse James sucked Lexington Steel's dick on a boat wearing a Japanese samurai outfit.
Well, you wouldn't pay for it, but if you felt like you were creating it, you know, maybe it's like one of those build-a-shoe websites where you could put your own purple stripe on your Nikes.
But if anybody catches you doing it, anybody catches you engaging in that sort of pleasure, it's so intimate and revealing about you.
It's like we're so terrified of revealing things about ourselves.
And that's the big one.
It's people seeing you fuck.
People seeing, you know, you suck someone's pussy.
People seeing you fuck some girl and ever suck your dick.
Oh, crazy.
That's craziness.
You know, there's something about that, that people associate that with, like, almost like madness, you know?
Like, the people that are willing to, like, watch, you know, stand there while people watch them fuck.
Like, wow, they're crazy.
They're crazy.
Like, they can just do it, perform in front of everybody.
Like, dudes get creeped out.
But if a guy, you're at a party and everybody's having a good time, it's over your house, and this dude just goes crazy and pulls his dick out and this girl starts sucking it right at your party, you're going to be uncomfortable.
You're going to be nervous, right?
Why is that?
Because if he had a knot in his neck, it's like, ugh, my neck's killing me.
And his girlfriend was massaging him while you guys were all talking, that would be cool.
Like, oh, we're having a nice conversation, everything's cool.
She's just making him feel better.
But if he's like, let me suck my dick real quick.
How come everybody can't go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha?
Look, he's getting a pillow drop right there in front of us.
It's like the back rub feels good, but sucking your dick is just too crazy.
He's got his dick in our mouth right in front of everybody.
You know?
There's something about that, right?
It's weird.
Clothes are weird, too.
It's almost like...
Clothes and covering your dick, covering your pussy, is like somehow or another we've intellectualized That not only do we have to survive in all these different climates and we have to, you know, make sure that we have some stuff to cover us and keep us warm, but we also gotta slow the fuck down.
Make it tougher to fuck.
It can't just be like right there.
It can't just be dicks hanging out, pussies hanging out, cause we're just gonna fuck.
We're just gonna make too many people.
Even in like hot weather, it's totally unacceptable to walk around naked everywhere and just start fucking people at the supermarket.
But that's what would happen.
If everybody was naked, if you lived in Florida, when it's 110 degrees, you don't have to wear fucking clothes, okay?
And if there was no laws against wearing clothes and people just started walking around naked, people would fuck everywhere.
They'd be fucking in bushes and trees.
They'd fuck in the car.
There'd be chicks sucking guys dicks while they were driving.
Everywhere you looked, it would be going on.
It would be everywhere.
There would be way more crashes from getting your dick sucked driving than there would be from twittering or from texting while driving.
But almost universally, I mean, there's got to be a few exceptions, but almost universally we've accepted the fact that girls' hair is not sexy, right?
But it's amazing that we make girls take stuff off their body that grows naturally to perpetrate some new look, some new sleeker model that's coming in the future that's less monkey.
You know, that's clearly what we're trying to do.
When you're into shaved pussies and shaved legs and even when dudes shave themselves down and get all oiled up and try to look all sexy, what you're trying to do is you're trying to get as far away from the monkey as possible.
You're becoming some sleek, you know, almost like silver surfer looking thing, you know, where you're like evolving, you know, you're a form, you know, you're round and smooth and You're not hairy and fucking primitive and ape-like.
Whatever we're trying to do, that's about evolution.
We're trying to get rid of as much monkey as possible before we fuck you.
We don't want no crazy bitch that's going to go nutty and eat the babies.
We want this bitch to get rid of all the hair.
Get rid of everything.
What's this shit?
Are you going to bleach that?
Can you bleach that?
No, let's just wax that shit.
Wax it, wax it.
But I'm going to keep waxing it.
Just shave it.
We're going to get rid of it.
We're going to give you hormones.
Get rid of that.
You've got to get rid of all this.
Why is this down here?
Why do you have hair right there?
Can you wax that?
Can you wax that?
Whatever we want to do, we want to make you as less monkey as possible.
That's weird, man.
I mean, when you see a big hairy dude...
Do you remember George the Animal Steel from wrestling?
George the Animal Steel was this fucking badass pro wrestler.
And one of the things about him was he was so hairy.
I mean, it was incredible.
He was like an animal.
He really was like a monkey.
I mean, he was just this thick fucking bald dude who had just hair everywhere.
His back, his arms...
He had been in a bunch of movies, too, because he's such a character, such a unique-looking guy.
But, man, if there's anybody that ever looked more like an ape, I mean, he's so hairy.
Like, that's why his nickname worked.
I mean, if it was the same guy, but you shaved all that hair off, you couldn't call him George the Animal Steal.
It wouldn't be nearly as good.
The part that was cool was that he was a fucking gorilla, man.
It was crazy to see.
Three girls in a cup made you gag?
This is one of those guys that fucks up everything.
Fake tits do ridiculous, but they still do look good sometimes too, man.
You know, I'm not going to lie.
I know as a human being, I know it's completely ludicrous that I find a girl more attractive because she's got these bags in her skin and they make her...
Tits hang out more.
But still, you do.
You're more attracted to the frame.
It's like there's something going on in our bodies.
There's a frequency that we try to hit physically, that men try to hit and women try to hit to make themselves attractive to the opposite sex.
And whatever the fuck it is, we try to be in it and we try to nail it.
It's being a certain weight and being healthy and smelling good.
It's also being a certain shape.
There's like women want a certain shape to men.
There's guys who get like peck implants because they can't grow.
They don't grow muscle very well, I guess.
And they try to do a lot of bench pressing.
They get lazy.
And so they just stick these plastic things in their chest and make their own boobs grow out.
And they have things for their arms too and for their calves to make their bodies look bigger.
I mean, it's all craziness.
But it's all desire to be loved.
It all comes from some weird thing we want to be...
We want to be the desirable shape that everybody's looking for.
Very strange, you know?
What else we got here?
The painting behind me, what is it?
It's not a painting, it's a photograph.
It says, an American girl in Italy in 1951, and it's by this lady, Ruth Orkin.
And she took a picture of this poor girl walking down the street, an American girl, and she's in Italy, where my ancestors are from, all those fucking savages, and they're all grabbing their dicks.
Look at this.
Look at this picture, man.
unidentified
This guy's grabbing his dick, and he's making them...
And he's got a fucking cigarette out here like this.
And this guy's got his pants up to his ribcage.
And they're all staring mercilessly at this one chick.
And she walks through this fucking snake pit of men.
This gauntlet of shitty dudes just hanging out in the street looking for trouble.
Looking to stick the dick in somebody.
Those people are savages.
Look at them, they got loafers on with no socks.
1951. And, you know, when people talk to you about the good old days, and, you know, you watch TV and you see Father Knows Best, and you think that's what people were really like?
No.
That's what the people on TV were really like.
This shit was still going on.
Human beings, don't get tricked.
We're not crazy.
We've always been crazy.
It's not like this generation's fucked up.
Every generation's fucked up.
So, that's why I like that picture.
And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, I think that should be it, right?
Anything else?
What about stick cam was a no-go?
What are you, a stick cam junkie fella?
Is that your favorite site?
I don't know if...
I don't know if stiff cam will be better, but Ustream seems to be pretty good.