Joe Rogan and Brian Redban debate drug policies, critiquing the criminalization of marijuana—rooted in racist 1930s propaganda like "rape white women" myths—and contrasting its potential with addictive painkillers like heroin. Rogan dismisses Aubrey de Grey’s life-extension theories as unnatural, linking artistic peaks (e.g., Soundgarden, The Doors) to youth and psychedelics, while questioning Michael Jackson’s alleged abuse claims due to lack of corroborating victims. They mock Verizon’s potential iPhone release, praise trolling (like Brian’s Pepsi Spice hoax), and mock Jesse Ventura’s conspiracy show, before Rogan warns about reckless high-dose mushroom trips without proper guidance. The episode underscores how media, culture, and misplaced stigma shape perceptions of drugs, fame, and even history—like Allegro’s unverified psychedelic Christianity theory—while Rogan leans on personal anecdotes to drive home his skepticism of extremes. [Automatically generated summary]
Anyway, we're just talking about the internet being an awesome...
I mean, to be able to communicate with people directly like this, to be able to get the answers to any question at any time, to me, it's the greatest fucking thing in the world.
I spend most of my day staring at a screen, reading stories, watching fucking YouTube videos.
I swear I've learned more from the internet, more from just being on message boards than I ever have from, you know, from other shit.
I've gotten into all sorts of different subjects because of message boards, you know, and wound up, you know, being fans of musicians and comedians and people I would have never heard of if it wasn't for message boards.
Yeah, well, the internet allows you, when someone posts for a long time, like you watch, especially a message board community, you get to see how they interact with other people.
You get to see what happens when they're challenged on their ideas.
You get to see what they're made of.
It's really interesting.
The way people write is different than the way they talk.
Because people can think they're slick.
And they could try to bullshit you by really patiently scribing out their words, but they're not tricking you eventually.
Eventually, that shit just comes out because they don't realize how douchey they are.
They don't realize.
They think they're not douchey, but in your writing, the douchey always comes out.
It's like this is your, it's your expression is almost like a pronoun of you.
It's like, it's like, you know, like your DNA or something like that.
You know, Carl Parisian got a real bad injury and took pain pills.
Really?
Yeah, pain pills are a motherfucker, man.
I know a lot of people that have had problems with pain pills.
You know, people with anything, sort of a chronic problem where you have to take them.
You know, those motherfuckers, they'll grab a hold of you.
And it's not just, you know, the weak or, you know, people like that.
People have a weird opinion of people that get hooked on drugs.
You know, but I've met some Carl Parisians.
You know, I don't know.
I don't know if I'm just saying, I shouldn't say Carl because I don't think Carl has a problem with him.
I think Carl has some sort of an anxiety disorder.
But I know that he had to take them.
And it's hard once you take them to get rid of them.
I know a bunch of dudes that like need them.
Like people that have like any sort of a back injury, debilitating back injury, and that you get hooked on those bitches and they get you through the day.
And what I was saying is, the dudes that I know that have had problems with pain pills, a lot of them have been really smart guys that went to college and they're not idiots, you know?
So the dog's like two seconds smarter than a person.
But guess what?
We got thumbs, faggot.
Go chase your tail and sleep in dirt.
All right.
What else were we talking about, folks?
We were talking about some important shit and I forgot about it.
Goddamn, we got a lot of Twitter messages coming in this pitch.
That Mark McGuire thing, that thing is hilarious.
Mark McGuire is finally coming out and saying that.
Oh, that's what we were talking about.
We're talking about people that are hooked on pain pills.
You know, when dudes get hooked on pain pills, like I said, I know a guy who's a very smart guy.
He was an IT guy, went to college, really avid reader, not a fuck-up, has a real problem.
And that's just what it is, man.
Dudes get injured, something happens to you, and it just chemically bonds with your body.
I mean, it's really incredible what addiction is, you know?
Addiction is your body is somehow or another linked to something that's really terrible for it, and it needs that something.
Like it becomes, it's almost like heroin and crystal meth and stuff like that that really locks a hold of your body.
It's almost like they're parasites.
It's almost like the drug itself has a consciousness and the drug itself is going to make you do it as much as you can and rob you of life.
You know, I mean, that's one way to look at like horrible substances.
That's why when people talk about drugs, you know, and they like to lump all drugs in together, that's so stupid.
Because marijuana and mushrooms and psychedelic drugs, if done correctly, can be very beneficial.
And when they're over, you don't feel any repercussions.
You're okay.
They don't hurt you.
Marijuana and mushrooms and things like that, the natural things that people have been doing for tens of thousands of years, those things aren't hurting anybody, man.
And they can't get into your system, you know.
And if you lump them in with oxycodones and fucking heroin and crystal meth, that's ridiculous.
No one is becoming a more introspective, fascinating person on crystal meth.
They're becoming fucking crazy.
It's like we have to like look at drugs in terms of what they do to the people that take them.
And the things that do positive things, you can't ignore that just because they're a drug.
You're not allowed to just say, oh, because it's an illegal drug, then all the benefits that people talk about it, those don't count.
They're invalid.
Just because it's Not sanctioned by a group of fucking criminals.
That's ridiculous.
It doesn't make any sense at all.
And, you know, I've lived my whole life like this.
I mean, it's 2010.
I would have thought by now we would have come to some sort of a rational understanding as human beings.
As we got to be adults, I thought we would come to a point where we would sit back and we would look at things and go, what right do I to tell another person what to do or not to do as long as he's not trying to give it to minors or people that don't know any better?
As long as people are educated, let's spend money on programs and make sure that people don't get involved in anything fucked up like this.
And let's pay attention to fucking children in schools.
I mean, the biggest problem in this country isn't laws and crime.
The biggest problem is why are people creating crime?
Why are people doing these terrible things to each other?
99.99% of all fucked up things come out of a fucked up childhood.
You have kids who have shitty fucking parents and these fucking children, they grow up and they're ticking time bombs.
If you have a douchebag, fucked up, drug addict parent and you live in a fucked up place with no love and every day you just see violence and shit and screaming and addiction and sorrow and there's no way out.
You don't see shit.
You don't do well in school.
I mean, what the fuck?
You know, that is a ticking time bomb.
And for politicians to not address that and to spend all this fucking time flying over to Afghanistan trying to chase down a hundred Taliban fighters in the mountains and young people are dying over there for that, how about we spend that money attacking the fucking enemy at home?
The enemy at home is the horrible fucking childhoods that some of our fellow human beings in this country have to go through.
You know, what we really need to do is focus on fucking kids.
Focus on children that are growing up in terrible neighborhoods.
Focus on fucking schools and community centers and giving these kids somewhere to go to when their parents suck.
Focus on a bunch of people that want to help raise kids that come from terrible situations or help the parents understand what the fuck they're doing raising children and making these kids fucking psychos and giving them horrible childhoods.
And literally setting loose a bomb.
Setting loose someone who's eventually going to turn all their inward anger outward on other people.
All their pain and resentment and all the negative input coming into them as a child.
You know, that shit is fucking terrible.
You deal with a child that comes from a positive, loving environment, and you're going to deal with a cool human being.
That human being is going to come out of that and going to appreciate other people.
That's our number one problem as human beings.
Our number one problem as human beings is the way we don't appreciate each other.
The way we look at each other as competition, the way we look at each other as just people that are on the highway in my fucking way.
Human beings have to learn to appreciate each other.
And we need to learn how to deal with the fucking very obvious shit that we ignore.
Instead of pretending there's some incredible assault on the human race here in America, you know, maybe we should look on where's the real crime coming from?
Where are the real murders coming from?
Where's the real anger and violence and the shit that affects day-to-day people every day?
It's not in the fucking desert, okay?
It's not in the fucking mountains of Afghanistan.
It's in cities.
It's all over the place.
It's children growing up and becoming fucking criminals.
That's way scarier to me than some douchebag in Afghanistan.
You know, it's nonsense.
Yeah, someone said Caro and Pills.
Yeah, that's something Carl's training partner said.
But like I said, I don't know if it's true.
All I know is that he's always been a cool dude to me.
Carl Parisian is a great fighter, and he's got some unfortunate situations, and I hope he works them out.
I like that dude.
I like that dude a lot.
He's good people.
And he's a bad motherfucker.
One of the best judo guys to ever enter MMA.
He opened people's eyes to a lot of shit that was possible.
Because before Caro, nobody was hitting those beautiful fucking throws.
He hits these beautiful shoulder throws and hip throws.
And his judo, like back when he fought Dave Strasser, like one of his first UFC bounce, incredible judo.
And it's, that's like, whenever you get a guy who steps into MMA and has some totally, something that he's really, really good at that most people aren't, like, like Machita with karate.
Like, people thought, well, karate's not that good.
Karate doesn't really work.
Until Machita came along.
And Machita's so good at karate that he makes karate work in MMA.
You know, obviously he knows wrestling, and obviously he knows all the other stuff that goes with MMA, which is why he's such a champion.
But the bottom line is his karate, his ability to move backward.
I mean, he fights like a fucking Jean-Claude Van Damm movie.
And it's pretty badass to watch.
You know, because until the Shogun fight, he really didn't take hardly any damage.
What do I think about the United Arab Emirates buying it to Zufa?
Well, I know that the guy who is behind it all is Sheikh Taknoon of Abu Dhabi.
And that guy is a huge fan of mixed martial arts.
And he's incredibly, incredibly wealthy.
So, you know, that guy can, he can do a lot of good things for MMA.
That guy, he is a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt under Henzo Gracie.
And by all accounts, he's legit.
By all accounts, he's a really good black belt.
And Henzo is one of the most respected instructors in the world.
If Henzo Gracie gives you a black belt, that's a huge honor.
So that Sheikh Tak Noon, the fact that he's a Henzo Gracie black belt, I know he's been having people travel to Abu Dhabi for years, for over a decade, since the late 90s.
And he had like some of the best instructors in the world that would come and stay with him.
And he had a whole camp there and he'd bring guys and you have guys to train with.
I mean, the dude is just the jiu-jitsu fiend.
Just, I mean, like more than, way more than me, you know, like, I mean, think about how much I love jiu-jitsu.
And this guy is like, you know, he's just like, he loves it.
And he has unlimited resources.
So having a guy like that as a business partner in the UFC, I think is going to be phenomenal for the sport.
I don't think there's any question.
That guy is going to, without a doubt, that guy's going to help out.
And it's going to be interesting to go there.
That dude lives in a castle, like a fucking some old school, you know, Alibaba type shit, right?
If you're a person who wanted to be famous, and your whole life you've wanted to be famous and you have this need, this hyper need for attention, and then all of a sudden it happens to you, like, holy shit!
You know, I'm lucky that the kind of fame that I got, like, always was ridiculous, especially the Fear Factor fame, was like ridiculous fame.
You know, like, no one's kissing your ass for Fear Factor, you know.
You know, when people come up to you from Fear Factor, like, what the fuck, dude?
And I'm like, and I was like, Yeah, I know, what the fuck, but it's not like they love, you know, like if you're like an actor or something like that, and you're in some crazy movies, like that guy is, the kind of adulation that guy must get is insane, you know?
And if he was already crazy to begin with, that just, when, when crazy people all of a sudden have money and people kissing their ass, you know, crazy people are supposed to be like suppressed.
Like, you're supposed to crazy people, you're supposed to see them and go, hey, fuckhead, you're crazy.
But that doesn't work like on a TV show or a movie.
Because once you become crazy, it doesn't matter.
If you're a star, they let you be crazy.
So you're just fucking hog wild and doing blow and punching people.
And they try to protect you as much as possible because you're the goose that lays the golden egg.
it's just probably So if like you're watching someone and a video and a werewolf is like staring over them, by the time you see that, that motherfucker's dead.
I bet it was impossible for him to say no to all his chicks.
You know?
I mean, if you think, I mean, obviously he was a pussyhound.
I mean, there's no getting away from that.
But to be like that guy, you know, and have all these tens and they're chasing you down and they don't even care if you're married and they'll fly to other countries to hang out with you.
If you want to get down with business, you know, I've heard a lot of people say that if you want to be successful in business, that you literally have to learn golf.
So like I said, if you see a werewolf behind me and you hear that, believe me, I'm already dead.
Okay, just be kind to me on the message boards.
People are brutal about Artie Lang, man.
That was really sad to see how many people were brutal after Artie Lang tried to commit suicide, like calling him people don't like that suicide shit, man.
I know, but it wasn't just that.
It was, it was, they were, they were insulting him like it didn't matter.
You know, you know, like that he's weak and he's a piece of shit.
Like I said about where I talked about the people that I know that have had problems with pain pills, it's not like you know, the guy likes to jerk off.
He jerks off too much.
Like that guy, you need to smack him in the head.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
You lost your job because you jerk off five times a day?
You know, there's dudes like that.
They're like, they miss jobs.
They show up late for work just because they're like chronic masturbators.
They wake up in the morning.
They have to beat off.
If they don't beat off, they're going to go crazy.
Like they get, that's a dude that's got a problem.
That guy's, he needs a smack in the head.
People that are like compulsive gamblers, that's a compulsion.
And that's like, there's a problem in your pattern of thinking.
There's a problem in the way, you know, and I've been compulsive about many things in my life.
I understand what it is.
I understand the thinking behind it.
But that can all be corrected.
You just need to learn how to think correctly.
There's a big difference between that and like heroin and oxycontin and meth and people that get addicted to shit.
That shit's real.
That's real.
So to get to shit all over someone because they're addicted to a drug, man, it ain't easy to kick that.
You don't, you know, unless you're doing it, unless you're deep in the throes of heroin, you can't talk shit.
And if you have been, and I haven't, so I can say nothing, but I've talked to people who have.
I had a friend who died from heroin.
I knew a couple people that died from heroin.
And the one that I knew, he was a real, real smart guy.
He was a cool dude.
He just couldn't stop it.
I don't, you know, I don't, I think some people bond to those dangerous drugs and you're fucked.
So whatever happened with him, Artie Lang was, every time I met that guy, he's always been cool to me.
And that's how I judge people.
He's always fun to be around, friendly, jovial.
I think he's hilarious.
He's just a nice guy, you know.
And to me, it just made me sad.
It made me just as sad that people were willing to shit on this guy because he tried to kill himself.
But you are right.
People get mad when people try to kill themselves.
Especially when people have a much better life than them.
I mean, that was the argument that I heard over and over again about Artie.
Like, this fucking guy, you know, what are his problems?
He's got a Mercedes and, you know, he's rich.
And all true, but that doesn't make you feel better, unfortunately.
You'd think it would, but it doesn't.
If your life sucks, your life sucks.
And it really has nothing to do with you being rich or poor.
Rich can definitely help things because you don't have to worry about your bills and you have less problems.
You have a little bit less stress.
But then you got problems with your money and investments and people stealing from you and bullshit.
Yeah, you have problems all over the place.
Definitely better to have it than to not.
But the bottom line is just because you're successful doesn't mean you're happy.
There's a lot of people that are fucking horribly, horribly depressed.
And they sit around thinking, well, what the fuck is the purpose of this life?
And the real problem is that's a good goddamn question.
What is the purpose of this life?
If you're not here for other people, what are you here for?
Because realistically, you get to a certain point in your life.
Like Artie and I are basically the same age.
I'm 42 and I believe he is too.
And you get to a point where you're like, you get all this gray.
Like I have gray hair in my beard and on my balls.
I have like 20 gray hairs.
Gray hair is coming in here.
I mean, this is like, you know, your body's dying.
So at a certain point in time, you got to go, well, what the fuck is the purpose of all this?
What am I here for?
You know, and if you don't have like a relationship, you don't have someone you love, you don't have really good friends that you love and you love to be around, you don't have a family, you don't have children, you don't have someone that you mean something to and someone that you feed off of each other and you share energy and you make them feel good and they make you feel good and they miss you and you miss them.
And that's very, very, very, very important for people.
And people just underestimate how huge that is.
You know, having friends and having family and having like good quality people in your life and not douchebags.
Cut the douchebags out.
That is so important because nothing can fuck your life up more than people who are not looking out for your best interests and want you to fail because they're fucked up.
You know, try to let them aware of it.
Let them be aware of it.
Give them an opportunity to change.
And if they don't, get rid of them.
Cut them out of your life.
So important.
Just separate yourself from anybody negative that's going to fuck with you.
That can make such a huge difference in the quality of your life.
You know, and then of course, get the fuck away from drugs, the bad ones.
Don't fuck around with heroin.
Don't fuck around with meth.
Don't fuck around with anything dangerous.
If you're going to do something, do things that people have never to hide from and make sure you know what the fuck you're doing before you do it.
You know, don't go crazy and smoke the whole joint the first time.
You know, you'll shit your pants in paranoia.
You'll freak the fuck out.
You're probably never going to get high again.
The first time you ever get high, you should just get a little tiny bit high.
Just a little.
Take a tiny bit of a hit and get used to it.
It's like riding a surfboard.
You can't just hop on.
You'll be awesome at it.
You know, the feeling of being caught up in the wave of THC when you get really high, it's like you're connecting to another frequency that it's not available to you when you're sober.
And that's what people who don't smoke marijuana don't understand.
There's an awareness, an opening of your mind.
I mean, I've had it explained to me chemically about, you know, GABA and dopamine and all the different things that go on.
There was a recent thread about it on my message board where people are talking about the effect of it.
But the bottom line is it does something to the way you think.
And it opens up new levels of awareness.
And if you get too much of that, you're going to freak the fuck out.
And that's called being paranoid.
But what paranoia comes from is this is probably the first time you're recognizing reality.
You know, you're a very vulnerable person.
We all are.
Life is, you know, it's a transient experience.
You're going to pass from this to something else.
Maybe.
Who knows?
Who knows what the fuck this is in the first place?
Who knows what the ultimate goal of the human race is in the first place?
You just live your life and go through it and you put your blinders on.
And when you have a hit of some really good weed, those blinders just fall down around you.
And you realize, like, wow, I'm this fragile, fleshy little temporary being that's clinging to this spinning orb as it's Flying through the galaxy, and people are sitting around talking about John and Cade and fucking Miley Cyrus and nonsense.
And while this is all going on, we're hurling through the galaxy.
And it literally is never discussed, you know.
And I have a bit about it, you can see it on YouTube.
I think it's somebody put it up.
It's from my shiny happy jihad CD.
It's about flying through space, but that's what we are.
I mean, we're just animals clinging to a sphere in eternity, in this gigantic sea of eternity, sea of space, this never-ending thing that we're a part of, but we completely ignore.
And we focus on the most mundane bullshit, like Tiger Woods, fucking all these girls, you know, and like what else?
What are those other dumb shit that people have been focusing on lately in the news?
I don't know, but I think why people focus on so much of it is because, you know, they need something.
It's like kind of watching the same movie over and over again.
You know, you need constant new information and stuff like that, you know?
Like, I understand what you're saying, like, about the whole thing, but I think that's why so many people focus on the dumb shit, because it's new shit, you know?
I think, you know, I mean, it makes sense because, you know, people are, we do really, we have this push for new things and innovation, and it's literally built into our hard wiring.
Which is why you can take a guy with the hottest chick in the world and he doesn't want to fuck her anymore.
It's like you get tired of fucking the hottest chick in the world.
And that really is true.
You know, that can happen.
If you look at life the wrong way, and that's one of the other things that's awesome about weed.
If you smoke weed and you fuck your girlfriend, like if you don't usually do that, it's like you're fucking a new person.
It's like you appreciate her all for who she is and what she looks like.
You appreciate it all over again.
It's really weird, man.
At least for me.
Do you feel like that when you smoke weed and get with your lady?
I have an iPhone, but I really use it more of as a laptop that I keep in my pocket.
That's really what it is for me.
Because the bottom line with the iPhone is it's on AT ⁇ T and AT ⁇ T sucks.
When I'm talking to people on AT ⁇ T, I can guarantee it's going to cut out three or four times before I get wherever the fuck I'm going.
When I drive my car, I love the fact that I can have both hands on a steering wheel and I can just talk, you know, and I'm having conversations and I can, you know, do business and answer questions and catch up with old friends that I don't have a chance to catch up with.
I love that, man.
That's huge to me.
To me, that's one of the most important features of communication, the ability to fucking talk to somebody.
I don't like text messaging just back and forth.
After a while, man, you're like, I want to hear your fucking voice, you know?
That's the way I like talking to people.
You know, it's fun.
You know, you can get things out of it.
You feed off of each other.
You know, it's a volley.
You're going back and forth.
So if your fucking phone can't make phone calls, that's weak.
That's weak shit.
So I use a Blackberry with Verizon.
No one's paying me to say this.
But the reason why I use a Blackberry is because we do UFCs in the UK.
And the only way you can get a phone that works overseas is you got to get a world phone.
Because we have two different systems here in America.
We have CDMA and GSM.
And GSM is T-Mobile and AT ⁇ T. And CDMA is Sprint and Verizon.
And they're two totally different types of signals.
Well, in other countries, most other countries don't use the CDMA, which Verizon has.
But it's the best in America.
In America, it's the shit.
It's way better.
I mean, when I drive the jiu-jitsu, I would lose people three times with my AT ⁇ T phone.
Three fucking times would drive me crazy.
But my Verizon, right there.
It never drops off for a second.
It's so much better.
But the bottom line is, this shit is whack.
This phone is like an iPhone from 20 fucking years ago.
That's what it's like.
It's like some cheap knockoff, you know, like some third world country, you know, where they make fake watches and shit like that.
When you try to go on the internet, you want to shoot yourself.
You try to use the Twitter function on here.
so clunky and whack and typing is much better Like, when I have to give someone, if I'm like answering an email and I have to give someone an address or a phone number, it takes five fucking minutes because I barely can push down the three.
I'm also, I'm always getting the number right next to it.
It's really weak and annoying.
So, the iPhone is the shit.
It's just so goddamn far above every other phone out there.
It's not even close.
If you're thinking about you want one phone, if you only had to choose between one phone, you got to go with the iPhone.
But if you can afford to have two phones, the iPhone is great for like a little computer.
To me, it's huge for pictures and Twitters and applications and going on YouTube.
If there's a Verizon iPhone, I'll fucking jump for joy, but I don't think there's going to be one.
We think that the Verizon thing, what we've read online, because we're both, Brian and I are both tech retards, is the Verizon thing is probably going to be some sort of a tablet, like a little, like an internet, like a Kindle, but you can get on the internet with it, which would be kind of interesting.
He's a guy from England that is a professor and a scientist who's working hard on life extension.
He's an interesting dude, kind of a real eccentric character with a crazy long beard.
And, you know, he's got all these really complex theories on how to extend the human lifetime to like a thousand years.
Like the only way you would die is if you had, you know, like got in an accident or something or sickness.
Pretty fascinating shit.
The problem is, if people live forever, there's not enough room for everybody.
You know, we're trying to fuck with nature.
You know, nature has us in a cycle.
And the cycle is very simple.
Nobody lives more than like 120 years if you're the baddest motherfucker ever.
You live to be a buck 20.
And then you're done.
And the last few years, you are a fragile mess and you better not go anywhere.
You know, you could tie your shoes and break your back in half.
You know, you could fall down when you're going to wipe your ass and headplant into the wall and be done.
Crack your neck, paralyze, shit all over the floor.
I mean, that could be the end.
It's going to be ugly.
You know, you're going to be a human roll of tissue paper.
That's what you're going to be.
So that's the cycle of life.
And you have children and those children, you pass on your information.
And that's what's supposed to happen.
We are in the active process of evolving as a species.
And there's two things that are going to aid that involvement or evolvement rather, that evolution.
It's going to be either technology or it's going to be what we learn and what we pass on.
And if you don't evolve and if you don't pass on something, if your children don't evolve, like this race can't exist from just the people that are alive now living forever, okay?
Because people don't change that much.
They try, they do their best, but the amount of people that change over the amount of people that don't change, I mean, shit.
How many people do you know that get their shit together, that have gotten their shit together, that didn't have it?
Those aren't good odds for a whole race of humans.
You know, I think that the best bet for the human race, if we really care about it as a whole, but we don't.
We care about ourselves because we're animals and because we have these instincts and these instincts are designed to make sure that we stay alive.
And, you know, and that's just hardwiring.
Even though your logic and your reason would dictate, well, hey, I'm only here for a temporary amount of time anyway.
I need to look at this like, what is my purpose here?
What am I supposed to be doing?
And what you're supposed to be doing is making it better for the next people.
What you're supposed to be doing is making it as good as you can for the people here and leaving an impression so that maybe you can enhance the minds and the open the eyes and set the tone for the next people.
You know, if you meet a guy who's like a real, I mean, every time I've ever met someone who's like really fucking cool and really nice and really friendly, it has always inspired me to be cooler and nicer and friendlier.
It's like, it's so cool to meet people like that.
But, you know, when I was growing up in Boston, I knew a lot of fucking hard-ass people.
I knew a lot of people that were just always ready to insult you and always wanted to fight.
And I knew a lot of, and if you grow up around a lot of people like that, you become like that.
It can make you like that.
You live in that environment where everybody's kind of douchey to each other on occasion.
Like you go out to a bar in Boston, chances are you're going to see a fight.
You go to a nightclub in Boston, dudes still throw down.
I mean, it's one of the few places.
Remember when we went to, we used to do the Comedy Connection in Fanny Hall?
And after the show at like 2 o'clock in the morning, that fucking place would be alive.
In the summertime, it was crackling.
It was crackling.
Like at any moment, you could see a fucking brawl break out where dudes punch somebody and fucking tables would start flying.
Yeah, dudes are way more aggressive in Boston than, like, say, if you go out and try to get something to eat in Texas, you know, people are generally pretty fucking friendly.
Like, everybody has this, like, this stereotype of Texas, but you're way safer going out to get some late-night food in Texas.
Like, especially like Austin.
Shit, Austin's badass.
That's one of the friendliest fucking cities in the country.
You know, you want to go get something to eat at 2 o'clock in the morning in Austin, you're fine.
You go get something to eat at 2 o'clock in the morning in Boston.
You might see a fucking assault.
You know, you might be a part of something.
You got to watch where the fuck you're going.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to go to the questions.
There's got to be something you're not looking forward to about fatherhood.
Well, I'm already a father.
I love it.
You know, what you don't look forward to is you don't look forward to the fact that you're going to lose a lot of your time.
Without a doubt, you're going to have to spend, if you don't want to be a shitty parent, you know, if you've had a childhood that was less than perfect, which I think most of us have, right?
You learn from that and you're supposed to be a better person and a better parent from that.
And once you have a fucking kid, man, it's like, all right, you have this immense, immense responsibility to raise a human being correctly.
And You got to get your own shit together.
You know, it forces you.
And you're going to definitely have to look at things a little bit differently because you're not going to have the same amount of free time.
And you can't look at yourself like you're the only thing.
That's what I was talking about before with a lot of people that I know that aren't happy.
One of the reasons why they're not happy is they don't have people in their life that are really important.
I know dudes that are like grown men that don't even have really, really close friends.
They have like friends, but they like keep shit from them.
And sometimes they get in bad arguments with them.
And they don't have anybody that they really open up and are 100% honest with, which is really huge.
If you don't have like a real friend that you can fucking tell everything to, you got to have those in your life, man.
Those are huge.
When we're all out, like when it's me and Brian and Eddie and Joey and we're all out bullshitting, we tell each other basically everything.
You know, that's one of the fun things about it.
You know, one of the fun things about hanging out with like people that you really like is, you know, you get to see inside each other's fucking the wiring under the board.
You get to see how your brain works.
You know, you get to throw out the way you're thinking and what's going on in your life to them and see how, you know, a person who's not living your life but loves you and looks out for you and wants you to be happy gets to look at it and see it.
And that's very important for people because sometimes you can't see your life objectively.
Sometimes you need somebody in your life that cares about you.
And when people don't have that shit, they don't feel like they have that 100% honesty with someone, you're disconnected to the universe.
And that's one of the reasons why people get so depressed.
You know, you're depressed because you don't have all this love in your life.
You have to have a lot of love.
And you have to put it out there too.
If you're putting out shit, you're going to get shit back.
And then you're going to get into a downward spiral that you're never going to pull out of.
You're going to have a shitty life.
You're putting out bad energy.
It's always coming back at you.
You're always going to be unlucky.
You're always going to be unhappy.
It's just the way it is.
If you're an asshole, you're not going to be happy.
Assholes, they look like they're happy because you see them laughing.
They go home and cry and drink or they're fucking psycho and they have no emotions whatsoever.
But no one is happy being negative.
Everybody wants to be loving.
Everybody wants to have good friends and have a good fucking time.
So this Aubrey deGrey guy, you're not going to live forever, bitch.
And you're not supposed to.
You're supposed to do what you can to the people that you influence and touch in this life and hope that it carries on into the next.
And we all know this.
We know this inherently.
And we all know inherently the people who've done this to us.
Like I said, we've all met people that inspired us.
And I think that's what we're here for.
think that's what uh that's what we're supposed to do it's just you're on cover are you What is this robot?
Yeah, I'm writing a book, man, but the problem is I'm writing comedy at the same time, and I'm also writing blog entries, and I'm also trying to do all my other bullshit.
So it's taking some time, you know.
It's hard to sit down and just write a book.
Because I sit down and write things, and I just want to write about one thing that day, and then I like, that's one of the things I like about blogs.
I could just write it and throw it up, and bam, there it is.
But I'm always looking for new ways that people can listen to my shit, get my ideas out there, and get my stuff out there, and come to see me doing stand-up.
And, you know, the different ways to do that.
You know, it's like books are legitimate ways.
There's still a lot of people that don't even have any idea that I'm a stand-up comedian, you know, just because of stuff that I've done that's not funny, like Fear Factor and whatever.
And, you know, and then doing commentary for the UFC.
It's the same thing.
It's like there's a lot of people that really have no idea that I'm even a comedian.
So I try to do the best I can to use all the different avenues to get that out there.
So I think a book is going to help.
And also, I think it'd be cool to have something that I actually wrote that's a book.
You know, I just think having a real book in the bookstore is something cool about that.
Book takes lots of concentration.
Smoke more weed.
That's excellent advice.
I almost always write stoned.
And it might not make sense.
And the problem is I read it when I'm not stoned.
I'm like, what the fuck was I rambling about?
But when I'm high, it's all like super genius shit.
But I got some dope ass, these Japanese samurai ones from Affliction.
Those are the shit, man.
The whole mythical, I think it's called Heroes and Demons.
It's badass.
It's like samurais fighting tigers and shit.
It's really cool art by this Japanese tattooist, but they don't make them anymore.
But I told Tom, Tom from Affliction, like those shirts are the shit.
I love them.
I used to, before I smoked weed, I used to dress terrible.
I think I dress bad now.
They used to have leopard print stripes, like structure shirts with like wear really, I used to wear like crushed red velvet shirts and crazy big, I'm not joking, crazy big Hawaiian shirts.
I'm a fashion retard, like I always have been.
You know, that's why I still wear a fanny pack.
Like I wear a fanny pack all the time.
You know, whenever we travel, I wear a fanny pack.
Because my whole life, I thought that if you smoke weed, you'd be lazy.
You'd be a loser.
Because I knew a lot of dudes when I was a kid, and the guys that did drugs, the guys that were partying all the time, they always wanted to fucking their lives up.
And I was terrified of fucking my life up.
That was my number one fear was being a loser.
My number one, I didn't, my ambition was all fucked up because it wasn't that I wanted to be happy and I wanted to, you know, find some place of, some point of success and do, you know, achieve some goal or, you know, be something for a living that I wanted to be.
I wasn't doing that.
I was just trying not to be a loser.
I was terrified that I was going to be a loser.
So, you know, I think that's very important to have the right mindset.
I got all my fancy new fucking badass quick internet.
It shouldn't be all gayed out.
A lot of people got really mad at me.
I did an interview recently, and I talked about the use of the word faggot.
I was just explaining how what happened when I did the spike TV thing, that they told me that I could say any word except faggot when the show was uncensored.
And I was like, that's so crazy because I'm not even talking to a person.
I'm talking to a dog and some ants.
That's when I use the word faggot.
And it has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
And I know Louis C.K. actually has a bit on that about how it never meant gay.
And it did.
Anthony Cumia talks about it all the time on Opi and Anthony about how faggot never really was a homosexual slur when we were kids.
It was, it was not.
I mean, but that's true, but it's sort of not true because you knew that it also meant that.
But people didn't use it that way.
That's not what it meant.
And at the end of the day, like, what language is supposed to represent is the context of your thoughts.
You know, and the problem is when words get hyper-powered, like cunt or nigger or faggot now.
Faggot is like the new one.
Or love.
Love's a hyper-powered word too.
These words get hyper-powered and the word itself is more important than the meaning behind the word.
It's not a true expression anymore.
Like, I mean, a lot of people in relationships and, you know, you say, say you love me.
Tell me you love me.
All right, I love you.
It's like this weird fucking magic word thing that you have to say.
It's like, you should know by the way someone communicates with you whether or not they love you.
They shouldn't have to say this one word shouldn't have all this goddamn power.
You know, the same thing with the word nigger and the same thing with the word faggot.
And now, I guess.
Because this gay guy told me when he was explaining this to me that I couldn't say faggot.
You know, even if I didn't mean anything, he didn't mean gay people.
Well, clearly I was just saying it in jest, ladies and gentlemen.
I do not know who's homosexual.
There's a funny story that I've told before, but it's a true story.
There was a dude who was a fighter in this organization, this other fighting organization outside of the UFC.
this was like the 90s and they went to do It was an internet search on this man's name because they were going to write a story about Him to promote his show, and as they were searching him, they found out that someone with the same name was a gay porn star, and not just a gay porn star, but the winner of the Hungriest Butt Contest.
Not the runner-up of the Hungriest Butt Contest, the fucking winner.
This dude won the Hungriest Butt Contest, and they didn't believe it was him.
And then they just started searching more, and they found photos, and they found photos of him.
Like one dude's in his mouth, one dude's in his ass, and they're using him as like Chinese finger handcuffs.
And I mean, they found all this porn on him.
Like, the guy, it was, you know, it was pretty easy to find.
You know, when the information first got on the internet, porn was the first shit to get out there.
Porn was there before anything else.
Before Wikipedia, before YouTube, porn was there.
So if you had porn on the internet, like you could basically get even stuff that was illegal.
Like the early Tracy Lords videos, you could have got those back then.
You can't get those now.
Like you go looking for a Tracy Lords video now.
Anything that's illegal like that, that shit is gone.
But back then, you could get it.
So gay porn, it was all over the place.
This poor fuck, they pulled up all these pictures and videos and everything, and they confronted him.
And he was like, bullshit.
And then they showed him the photos and he got all angry.
And he was the headliner.
He was like the big draw.
And he just explained that, look, he was down on his luck and it was a lot of money.
It was a lot of money.
And so he did it.
Well, it turns out he did like 100 movies.
I mean, and the joke is, how much money is a lot of money to you?
Because if I think you do one movie, you live like you're in a Jay-Z video for the rest of your life.
That's what I think.
You want to do gay sex on video?
What?
I got to see some zeros.
I got to see a lot of commas and a lot of zeros.
But this fucking guy did a lot of these.
And the joke is 115 videos.
By my accounts, you should have all the money in the world.
There should be no more money left for anybody else.
Unless you like it.
See, if you like sucking decks and if you're gay, then that's not bad at all.
See, this is what people don't understand.
Like, just because someone thinks it's funny because they personally are not, they don't want to have gay sex, that doesn't mean it's bad that you have gay sex.
It's only bad for someone who doesn't want to have the gay sex.
Right, Brian?
Like, if you're not gay and you do a gay porn, that's a big deal.
But if you're gay and you do a gay porn, it's like, so what?
You're sucking dicks.
Is it any more embarrassing that you're doing a video?
It's the same.
It's no different.
But if you're straight and you're out there blowing guys on video, ooh.
I used to bit about it in my act that if a guy is like straight and he's blowing a guy, you know, that if you like made a mistake one night, you'll never win an argument ever for the rest of your life.
Because as soon as you get in the argument, as soon as shit starts getting real, like, man, you don't even believe people win on the moon.
Do I feel very blessed to be as famous as I am, says genuine evil86.
That's hilarious.
I'm just famous enough where it's not creepy.
I'm just famous enough where no one takes me seriously.
First of all, Fear Factor was definitely a blessing in disguise.
Because, you know what I'm saying?
Like, you know, you get to a place where a lot of people are, like, real super famous people that are loved and worshipped.
Like, you know, rock stars or Michael Jackson or something like that or Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.
Like, they're prisoners.
Like, they can't go anywhere.
Like, that is a terrible way to live.
Like, yeah, everybody is fascinated by you, including me.
If I saw Brad Pitt in a restaurant, I would like point and stare.
Like, me, you want to hear something crazy?
Me and Kevin James, okay?
And Kevin James is fucking famous, right?
That goddamn Paul Blart mall cop movie he did made like $200 million, okay?
And Kevin and I are in Boston, and we're in a hotel room, and Tom Cruise was in Boston, too, and Tom Cruise is on the street, okay?
And we're in Kevin's fucking hotel room, and Kevin's like, Tom Cruise is out there, look.
And so we're like leaning out the window looking at Tom Cruise.
And we're on the 10th floor and shit, and Tom Cruise is on the ground floor.
And we're like looking at him across the street, like, ooh, like a movie star is gawking at another movie star.
It was pretty interesting to watch.
I was like, you're, I go, do you know you're that famous?
Like, he's not as famous as Tom Cruise, but he's fucking really famous.
I mean, it's silly that he's like so fat, but that's what it is, man.
People are nutty about fame.
That's not a good level.
You don't want to be there.
You want to be at the level where you don't have to worry about your bills and you're able to do what you want to do, like as far as creatively.
That's what I like.
I like the fact that I could do comedy, I could do the UFC, I do what I want to do, and I'm enjoying myself.
And people enjoy what I'm doing, and you develop fans, you develop people that are appreciating what you do, and you appreciate them, and it's a good relationship.
That's a good level of fame.
You don't want to be somewhere like, I was watching some video online where the guy, can you put that video up?
The dude when George Bush went into a restaurant and he's with five Secret Service agents and the guy screaming and yelling at him, you fucking murderer, you Zionist murdering piece of shit.
And some guy, George Bush Sr., has to, the dude is like, he's an old man.
He's been around forever.
He has to travel everywhere with these bodyguards.
Everywhere he goes, he has Secret Service guys surrounding him.
And yeah, I know what you're saying.
Yeah.
No, he caused wars and he's responsible for all these people dying.
I see it 100%.
And it's not like being a movie star, but it's the same thing as far as like, well, no, because people are angry at him.
Okay, my point is terrible.
But it is, right?
Because people are angry at him.
I mean, the reason why he's got all those people around him is because people want him dead.
I believe it's still available on, if you go to dougstanhope.com, you'll probably have a link to it somewhere.
Because one of the funniest things that Doug ever did.
And he would pretend to be little girls and lure pedophiles and say, like, all kinds of fucked up shit.
And it was really, really genius stuff.
I can't pull any of the quotes off the top of my head, but I remember really laughing really hard and wanting to do the same thing, but I don't have that kind of commitment.
Doug is an animal.
He's a pit bull.
The level of commitment that he has towards trolling.
I don't know.
I'm not into goofing on people.
I don't know why.
Like that?
I get bored.
I mean, I'll argue with people and I'll make fun of someone, but like pretending to be someone else, going back and forth, for whatever reason, my brain doesn't work that way.
I don't know why.
I don't get into those trolls, but I love watching them.
Like that Pepsi Spice one, I love that one.
That was awesome.
And Doug's, I love them.
I just don't, I don't, my brain doesn't think like that.
I understand that you like it, and I would never say that it's not good.
Because it's obviously good to you.
You know, I gave up saying things suck a long time ago when people like them.
Because it occurred to me somewhere along the line that even though they suck for me, even though I do think they suck, as long as, you know, what do I care?
As long as it's not promoting anything ridiculously stupid, as long as it's not, you know, reinforcing retarded behavior, as long as it's not negative for human beings, what do I give a shit?
You know, you think it's good, you like it.
I can't get into it, man.
I can't listen to the dead.
I tried.
I did this Grateful Dead experiment where I tried to listen to it for 30 days, but I was hating it so much that I didn't want to.
I was going to write about it.
I was going to listen to The Dead for 30 days and then write about it at the end.
It's just not my shit.
But that's okay.
I mean, you can like it.
But I was listening to The Dead one day and I put on, right after I listened to it, I was listening to it for like an hour and then I put on Midnight Rider by the Almond Brothers and I never listened to Dead again.
I was like, are you fucking kidding me, man?
Are you fucking kidding me?
I mean, look, I know some people like The Grateful Dead, and I understand, and I appreciate it and shit like that, but listen, man, there's some fucking music that, there's there's some music that's on another level and in my opinion the shit from I'm looking for a I'm looking for the song.
You know, you listen to some of the 60s and 70s music, Zeppelin and the Doors, and just When I'm in a mood and I want to hear something, especially if you smoke a joint and, you know, you sit in your front of your computer, you want to write, I'll put on some fucking classic rock, man.
It just, it makes you, it just makes you feel more connected.
There's just like, there's something about that music.
Like, whatever they were doing at the time and they were making that music, they were nailing it.
They, you know, there's music from that era that doesn't smell at all like commercial.
It doesn't smell at all like they were trying to, you know, to trick people or do something they thought was going to be successful.
There's a bunch of music from that era that's just beautiful, man.
It's just a live.
It's like the purest version of musical art, you know?
And I think it's because they were all doing psychedelic drugs.
I mean, I think that had a lot to do with it.
Everybody was high.
Everybody was smoking pot.
They were dropping acid and taking mushrooms.
And they were coming out with dope fucking music, man.
And today, still to this day, I mean, no one's going to be listening to Pop Pop Pop Pop Poke Our Face.
No one's going to listen to that in 30 years.
No one's going to listen to that in 40 years.
Led Zeppin will still be around in 40 years.
40 years from now, some fucking dude in a spaceship is going to turn some other dude in a spaceship onto a whole lot of love.
Probably not.
40 years, we'll still be stuck on this planet.
400 years from now, that shit will be like Mozart.
Even if we have to change the schedule of the show and do it at a different time.
Now, because I didn't look at this at all the last time we did this, I have to look at it now.
Yeah, I made a post on my message board asking people to put in questions.
So because of that, I'm going to go there right now and check out what the questions are and see if anybody had some cool shit because people were upset that I did it last week.
But when I did it last week, I didn't answer any of the questions.
But I mean, I like the questions and it's good to have the questions, but I wanted to make this as loose as possible.
I want to make this as much as whatever we feel like talking about, you know, whatever, whoever's here, whatever, just let things come out, you know, and answer Twitter questions and all that shit.
What are the best tips for navigating a high-dose mushroom trip?
Are you doing them regularly?
That's the first question.
I don't do them regularly.
Terrence McKenna, who I learned everything I know about psychedelics from that guy, or at least that's where I started, is listening to what he had to say, reading his books.
But what he always said is that you should do them in high doses and very rarely.
That's what he said.
He said that psychedelic experiences should be something where you do the right dose and then you take a long time off and sort of contemplate what happened.
And I agree with that.
The last time I did anything really strong, like DMT, that was over two years ago.
And it was because it was a very, very, very profound experience.
And I wanted to make sure that I got as much out of it and understood it and sort of deciphered it as much as I could and applied it to my life as much as I could before I just went to try to do it again.
I'm very serious about psychedelic trips.
I don't think it's play.
I mean, I think you can have a good time on mushrooms with your buddies if you don't take too much, but I think you can get a lot out of psychedelic trips where you, and I'm not criticizing people who want to do it for fun.
Because look, I like to drink for fun.
I like to smoke pot for fun.
I smoke pot both for introspective quality thinking and also for fun.
And I don't, if you want to do it for fun, that's all good.
But what I'm saying is, like, for me, personally, I've learned a lot from psychedelic experiences.
And what I believe is what Terrence McKenna has always said, is that you should do them very rarely.
You do them and then you don't do shit for a while and you think about what the fuck you learned.
Because it doesn't, if you really want to improve yourself, you're really using it for that reason to really expand your consciousness, you don't get anything out of it if you can't apply it to your life.
You can't just have the experience and then become some fucking shut-in who doesn't interact with the rest of the world because all you want to do is, you know, go down your basement, turn the lights out, and do mushrooms.
Now you're not even a part of us anymore.
You've got to be able to function in both worlds, in the psychedelic world and in this world.
You've got to be able to navigate both dimensions.
And I think if you do too much drugs, if you do them all the time, you can definitely lose your handle on this world.
So that's my answer to that question.
I think if you're doing anything consciousness expanding, and always do things that have been done for thousands and thousands of years.
I mean, I'm not telling you to do anything illegal, but there's stuff that you can do that isn't illegal.
They just haven't classified it yet.
You know, ayahuasca isn't technically illegal.
DMT is illegal.
Ayahuasca has even been sanctioned recently.
Some church in New Mexico won a Supreme Court case where they take DMT.
It's part of their Christian church.
It's part of their religious ceremonies to get in touch with God.
Yeah, they won a Supreme Court case.
Very few people know about it, but you should know what the fuck you're doing.
And that's the real problem with psychedelics is that there are no shaman anymore.
You know, in these tribes in Peru and these people that live in the Amazon, there's like a history of usage that goes back thousands of years and they pass it on from generation to generation.
And the shaman, the people that like brew this ayahuasca, ayahuasca is this very powerful dose of DMT that comes in an orally active form and they get it from combining these plants and boiling it into this crazy mixture.
Between that and there's also shaman in other parts of the world, New Mexico, where their shaman where their thing is mushrooms.
And these are people that have navigated these dimensions, whether it's ayahuasca or mushrooms or peyote, they've navigated these dimensions many, many, many, many times.
So they can tell you what to expect there.
They've learned from their experiences and they can help you.
I think that's the real problem is that psychedelic drugs aren't necessarily bad for you.
They're just illegal.
And when they're illegal, they can be bad for you because if you can get caught with them, you can get locked up.
Your life can get fucked up if they find them in your piss, if you have to test for some sort of a job and then all of a sudden you're labeled a drug addict.
Yeah, in that sense, psychedelic drugs can be bad.
In the other sense, it's like, look, a circular saw, like one of those, those are awesome if you know how to use one.
You could build a house.
You could fucking do some cool shit.
You can cut some wood that you would never be able to cut with like a stake knife.
But it doesn't mean everybody should have a fucking circular saw and just be using it all day.
And that's the same thing with mushrooms.
Mushrooms are just like any kind of tool.
You can, like, like I say with marijuana, with a hammer.
You can build a house with a hammer, or you can just hit yourself in the dick if you're fucking crazy.
It doesn't mean that hammers should be illegal.
And that's the same thing with psychedelic drugs.
I wouldn't give a circular saw to a 13-year-old boy and say, hey, go play with this.
But if a guy is a goddamn carpenter and he knows what he's doing and he's gone up through trade school and he did an apprenticeship and worked as a carpenter's apprentice and learned how to use tools properly and learn the proper safety precautions, then yeah, that guy should be able to hold a fucking chainsaw.
That guy should be able to use a circular saw.
That guy should be able to work in a machine shop.
He's learned how to do it.
And that's the same thing with psychedelic drugs.
There should be someone showing you the dangers and the pitfalls and what it's all about because it's not simply that easy.
It's not like you can just do them and you're going to be okay.
Some people do psychedelic drugs and they're so unmentally prepared for it that they're never the same again.
And that's a real possibility.
And someone needs to be there to evaluate whether or not you've got the proper information, whether your head's in the right place.
And that's why it would help if we were more open about these fucking things.
And the nutty thing is, it's still got this terrible reputation.
And here we are in 2010.
And I think the reputation is all based on the fact that when we get something in our head, we stick with it.
We get something in our head, even when all the information, like marijuana, still illegal.
2010.
In most states, it's illegal.
That's crazy.
When alcohol and tobacco and all that shit is readily available, but we get it in our head that it's bad because it's been illegal all our lives.
It's very tough for us to change gears.
And for a long time, we've had this thing in our head about psychedelic drugs.
And it's just a cultural pattern.
It's just a lock.
We got talked into it.
When the media was young and when the newspapers were around and that was the only way to get information out, they would publish these stories about marijuana and the William Randolph Hearst scandals.
William Randolph Hearst owned, not only did he own newspapers, but he also owned paper mills.
And when they invented the decorticator, it made it more effective to process hemp fiber.
And what he started doing was attacking the hemp industry so that he didn't have to change over his paper mills from wood to hemp paper.
Because hemp is a far superior paper.
It makes superior clothing.
You can eat it.
It contains all the essential amino acids and the seeds.
Besides the fact that it gets you high, even take away the get-you-high part, even the plants that don't get you high at all are still really economically valuable.
Well, William Randolph Hearst attacked that industry because he owned the newspapers.
He started printing these stories saying that blacks and Mexicans were smoking this new drug called marijuana and they were going out and raping white women.
And so because of that, because he did this, they all, you know, people got crazy and they all got paranoid and Congress actually outlawed marijuana, not even knowing that they were outlawing hemp.
They didn't even know it was the same thing.
So that's how marijuana became illegal in the first place.
And that's why it's still illegal today.
It's that once something is stuck in our consciousness, it takes a long time to get it out.
Well, I think that a long time ago, it was probably very, very common in all cultures to have a shaman, to have some sort of someone who is aware of psychedelic states.
John Marco Allegro, he argues that that's what Christianity is all about.
Christianity is all about concealing these secrets of consuming hallucinogenic drugs.
He was a guy who deciphered the Dead Sea Scrolls.
John Marco Allegro worked in the Dead Sea Scrolls for 14 years.
And after he did all this deciphering, now I don't know if he's right, neither do you, unless you're a biblical scholar, unless you can, you know, you have to be a master of ancient languages.
You have to study it for decades to even understand what the fuck he's talking about.
I read it, it's like, makes sense, sort of, but he could be totally bullshitting.
But what his story is, was that the entire Christian religion was a giant misunderstanding.
What it really was all about was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility cults.
And that's what it was all about.
It was all about breeding babies and taking mushrooms.
Which makes sense.
People lived thousands and thousands of years ago and didn't know what the sky was.
They didn't have any science.
And they're popping mushrooms.
They wouldn't want other people to know how badass the mushrooms are.
You eat mushrooms, you see God.
They wouldn't want other people to know about that.
So they would hide it in stories.
It totally makes sense.
Some guy said, have you tried Robitussin?
What are you, kiddie-dukkhis pal?
Drinking Robitussin?
What else you drinking?
After Shayfella?
Agreed, this guy says he hates everything on the radio.
I don't hate everything on the radio, but god damn, I hate a lot of songs.
I think there's just a certain reality and like a lot of rap and a lot of classic rock.
I like Soundguard too.
I love Soundguard.
I heard they're getting back together again, which I love because I was not a fan of that Chris Cornell shit on his own.
I think a lot of bands like Soundgarden, they were good because they were young and they were doing drugs and going crazy and just experiencing life.
Now I think these are just people that have slowed down, slowed their role, and they're trying to be something they're not because their music just, a lot of these guys' music just bored.
Well, they didn't just, see, the thing about the Beatles was they didn't just change their music.
They changed like the whole culture that was listening to them too because people got swept up in their music.
You know, people were such huge fans of John Lennon that when he started getting into transcendental meditation and acid and, you know, hanging out with gurus and shit, they all got into it Too.
Like, he changed a lot of people's consciousness.
That was a guy that really, really affected a lot of the way our culture operates, the way people think.
It's like it was so recognized that his talent was just so far and above everyone else's.
And, you know, everybody's like, God, it's so sad that he's such a freak and he's so crazy.
But the more I've been thinking lately, I think that when you get to a certain level, I think there's a certain level of greatness that some people achieve, like a certain frequency that some people achieve.
And it's almost impossible to achieve if you're not insane.
It's almost impossible to push yourself that far, that hard.
Because it's not easy to be like Michael Jackson.
It's so fucking hard.
It's not just a natural talent.
It's a focus and an energy.
And that focus requires like a very singular way of looking at things and a very sexual obsession.
It could have been that he just got so fucked up because he got so famous when he was so young that he never felt like he had a chance to grow up and he wanted to go back to when he was a child.
And he was just so psychologically damaged that he literally wanted to be around children because he wanted to revert back to that moment in his life before he realized that life was haywire.
You know, I've thought that before because you know what?
The thing is about all these child molesting accusations is that he was always around all these poor kids and trying to help all these kids with cancer and shit and people who were broke.
And it's like after a while, I mean, these people, like, all they have to do is say some crazy shit about Michael Jackson.
And, you know, it looks weird.
Why is Michael Jackson hanging out with kids all the time?
All I have to do is say some crazy shit and he's got to pay you.
He's got to pay you.
You start going to the newspaper.
And to these people that were super broke, I mean, that had to be so tempting.
Here's this billionaire, the biggest rock star, music star in the history of the world.
And he's hanging out with your kid.
And you just get your kid over for sleepovers.
But he didn't.
What I'm saying is, there's not like a whole bunch of people coming out saying he fucked them.
You wouldn't just fuck a couple kids.
You'd be fucking kids all over the place.
Especially if you're Michael Jackson.
You'd be like the Tiger Woods of kid fucking.
You'd be just banging kids all over the place.
If you've got that obsession where you want to have sex with kids, if you look at like child molesters, the recidivism rate is through the roof.
It's crazy.
It's like in the 99% or something like that.
I don't know.
I just made that number up.
It's real high, though.
Whatever it is.
I've read it.
I don't remember what the numbers are.
But people have said time and time again, it's very difficult to reform someone.
So if he's like banging kids, he's not just going to bang one or two.
Yeah, but I'm not saying that's what I believe in.
I believe that he probably slept with kids and he probably kissed them, but I don't think he's like, you know, like doggy stuff on the side of the bed or anything like that.
Somebody said this, and I don't know who said this, but I don't want to not give him credit, but I don't remember who it was.
They said that they think that Michael Jackson might have been castrated.
They think that at a certain point in time, Michael Jackson might have been castrated, and that's why he can sing at such a high pitch, even though he's a grown man, and that might be why he's so fucked up sexually.
And it totally makes sense, especially when you look at his children.
Those are not his children.
I mean, they're white kids.
They're 100% white.
I mean, he's a black man.
I mean, he might have paid for someone to have those kids for him, but they're not his kids, you know?
And I think that it's real possible that that's real possible.
And there's something that you deny when you're younger, but you realize when you get older, is that when you fuck, when you have sex with someone, even though you like to think that it's just physical, you just get in there and you blow a load, it's not that simple.
There's some sort of a weird connection that human beings make when they fuck.
And especially when you do it to someone who's young, like they, we learn how to ignore that connection.
We learn how to like push each other away.
When we get older, we learn how to separate and get, you know, just deal with it about like physically.
But when you're young, like you get so attached.
You remember how attached you were the first person you had sex with?
Holy shit.
Unless that person's a total douchebag.
You know, like you get really hooked on them.
Like puppy love is brutal.
I mean, that's what they call it.
You're inexperienced in the incredible connection.
And as you get older, you learn how to manage that connection.
But the connection is real.
And if you're a grown adult and, you know, you're, especially if you're in a position to take advantage of this kid, you know, they're young and naive and silly and you're fucking them.
That's a weird thing, you know?
But then again, a lot of 20-year-olds are horny as fuck.
And they want some tech.
I'm not telling you what to do.
Do whatever you want to do.
But to me, why not?
You know, girl's 18, that's like a baby to me.
That's a little child.
I like women, you know?
I don't like them old.
I don't even like them my age.
But it's, women are more fun.
I like to be able to talk to people, don't you?
Some dude, Josh Jutsu, says, I'm 23.
Well, good for you, you young little whipper snapper.
When I was 23, I was fucking retarded.
Alright?
I was a complete and total dumbass.
So I hope you were smarter than me, sir.
Because life can be tough when you're stupid.
We all come from a different place.
We all have a different starting point.
That's what it is.
Some people, their parents are super cool and real open and their dad's their best friend.
And their dad was very educated and intelligent and raised them in a very smart way.
And that person is a huge head start.
Huge, huge, huge head start in life if your parents are cool.
My parents are divorced when I was a little kid.
My stepdad came into the picture when I was seven.
He was 24.
And imagine if you were 24 years old and actually I was five when he came into picture.
You were 24 years old and you have a fucking five-year-old kid hanging around with you.
So if he came in the picture when I was five, then he was like 22.
That's young as fuck.
To be that young and to be around someone else's kid, someone else's loud ass kid, you know, that's hard to deal with.
So a lot of you out there, maybe you, my 23-year-old friend, maybe you have a head start.
You know, maybe you'll be smarter than me when you're 23 than when I was 23.
But I think what I was talking about recently with a friend of mine is that guys like Michael Jackson or, you know, or anybody that I know that's exceptional, almost everybody I know that's really exceptional in anything had kind of a fucked up childhood.
And I think that's really weird.
You know?
People that I know that are like, all my friends that are like really good comics, all my friends that are like really good artists, all of them had fucked up childhoods.
You know, like when you're imbalanced, it's like your ride is so much rockier, but there's so much more energy behind it.
It's like if you can get a hold of it and control your personality and figure out a way to stabilize it, it's like you have so much more thrust than a person who's content.
When you're having like a fucking barbecue sandwich, a nice goddamn cold Coke tastes pretty fucking delicious.
Right?
So barbecued pork, pulled pork sandwich.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, I think that's going to be the end.
We're going to take one more question so we end on a high note.
But we are enjoying the fuck out of this.
Here's this.
The disclosure product has 400 witnesses proving E.T. life exists.
Even astronauts.
Listen, just because you have 400 people saying that they've seen UFOs, that does not mean there's UFOs.
That means you have 400 people that say they've seen UFOs.
And they might really believe they've seen UFOs.
But you know, they have a real problem and hunters have a real problem.
And this happens all over the world, where the most experienced hunters are the ones that wind up accidentally killing people.
And the reason being is that these guys are, when you're experienced hunter, you know that sometimes your window of opportunity where you get a shot at a deer is real short.
And one of the things they all say universally when they have an accident, and these are like good people, church-going people, no anger, no violence issues.
Guys who just love hunting.
They say they swear they saw a deer.
They swear they saw a deer.
One guy accidentally shot this woman in Maine and she had white mittens on and he is following a deer and this lady was in the woods and she had her white mittens on and he saw that white and he said he saw the buck.
He said he saw it.
He said it was right there in front of him and he said he squeezed off the trigger.
We don't fully understand how our consciousness and our imagination affects what we see.
It's still very much It's there's something tricky to it.
Hallucinations and the ability to see things that aren't there, that's real.
And if someone's in a very heightened state, if they're in a very heightened state, like if they're in the heightened state of wanting to see a deer, or if they're in the heightened state of being in the woods in the dark and you think you see a monster, you can see a fucking monster.
You can really see it.
You can convince yourself that you've actually seen it.
If you see something and you don't know what it is, you will turn it into your mind and make it a monster.
If you're out in the woods and it's pitch black and you stumble into a wild boar and you barely see it and it makes noise and runs away, it could be some two fucking foot tall troll man with giant fucking furry feet and glowing eyes.
You could make something up in your head and you don't think you're doing it, but you're doing it.
The human imagination and the human memory are not totally to be trusted.
So unless they have actual evidence, listening to anybody talk about UFOs, you have to listen to them and go, hmm, maybe, maybe.
I'm not saying That you can't get, you know, here from other planets.
I mean, if you are so sophisticated that you can travel to this world from another galaxy or another solar system, why wouldn't you be so sophisticated that you could hide?
Why wouldn't you be so sophisticated that your UFO is completely invisible?
Why wouldn't you be totally undetectable?
Why wouldn't you, I mean, maybe they would just have everything completely mastered.
The idea that, you know, they would show themselves and look like they're dangling on a string, allow people to take pictures and, you know, and they, well, maybe they wanted us to see them.
Really?
And that's how they did it?
They just showed up in some weird, obscure place where, you know, no, no, come on, man.
No, that's not what they're doing.
If there really are aliens, they're probably so alien you can't even recognize them.
They're probably, I think that what we recognize is what we see in our dimension, what we see in our environment, what we see in our world.
I think there's probably life forms out there that exist that are so alien to us, we don't even have the senses to detect them.
And the way I've talked about this before, and I always talk about farts, and that by when someone farts, if you don't have a nose, you have no idea it stinks.
There's literally something going around you that's invisible.
And this sense that you have tunes into it.
How do we not know that there are an infinite amount of things that we cannot detect that are around us all the time?
We don't.
It's just guesswork.
Because something's not on the same frequency as us, something's not solid, it's not tangible, you can't bang on it, because just because of that doesn't mean it's not real.
And if there are aliens, they're probably so fucking alien, you can't even see them.
They're probably on a totally different frequency than we are.
I'm not buying all these dudes that say they've seen UFOs because they really want to see UFOs.
These motherfuckers want to see it.
They have all had experiences and something's happened to them, but they want to see UFOs.
They want so bad, they've given up on their jobs.
They've given up on their careers.
They've decided to pursue UFology full-time.
They make YouTube videos constantly.
They do conferences and seminars.
They have a lot of vested interests involved in the idea of flying saucers and ships from other planets coming to this earth.
And there's a lot of psychological things you have to take into consideration, like why these people want to see these things and when these experiences happen.
That's another thing.
People who have individual experiences, especially alien abduction experiences, most of those things come in the middle of the night while people are dreaming.
And when you're dreaming in the middle of the night, your brain is producing all sorts of psychedelic chemicals, including DMT.
The most potent psychedelic known to man is produced when you're in heavy REM sleep.
So when these people are having these alien abduction experiences, how do you not know that it's not your imagination mixed in with psychedelic drugs that you don't even know you're having?
You're having these things and your brain is producing them and you're having these incredible fucking psychedelic trips and maybe you're halfway into a dream and you wake up and you're still tripping all these chemicals in your fucking brain and you start creating all these scenarios with your imagination.
Next thing you know, you're on a spaceship.
Why?
Because you're in the middle of a fucking natural DMT trip.
When these subjects come up, a lot of times, I've talked about all this shit many times before, but Brian has to realize there's a lot of people out there that have not seen me talk about all these things before.
And when interesting subjects like this come up, you know, you got to address it.
I think they're important things to talk about.
But we had a good fucking time.
Thank you very much.
We're going to do this every week.
Like I said, I upgraded my internet today.
Finally, it's up.
So now I can get Brian here beside us and we can load videos up and shit.
And like I said, behind us, we're going to put up a green screen.
And when we put up the green screen, we're going to be able to have like a space background and shit.
And I got all kinds of cool things coming on.
And we're going to do this every week.
Fuck it.
It's fun.
I enjoy it.
Next week, I'm going to try to bring on my boy Joey Diaz.
Maybe Eddie Bravo will join us as well.
Maybe Ari Shafir will join us.
We might have a whole party in here because next week I'm going to have a big couch in here.
So thank you very much.
I had a good time, you motherfuckers.
If you want to come see me do stand-up, if you're in Miami, I'm at the Lincoln Theater in Miami on the 22nd, which is, I think it's next Saturday or next Friday?