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Aug. 8, 2019 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:05:20
20190808_TJDS_20190807_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
Hello?
Uh, yeah, hey.
Who's this?
Hello?
Who's this?
That's right.
What?
Hello.
Why?
What?
What the hell is this in reference to?
Hello, this is Jimmy Dore.
You called me.
I called you what?
No, I'm sitting here and my phone rang, and it was you.
You're damn right, it's me.
And who is me?
Is this Harrison Ford?
Pilot to tower.
Someone's interrupting my thingy.
The thingy I'm talking through.
Request assistance with my thingy.
Over.
Harrison, are you flying right now?
Get off my plane.
So you admit this is Harrison Ford?
No, you're not Harrison Ford.
I am.
Yeah, I know that.
I sound a lot like Glenn Ford.
No.
I play the same kind of vulnerable yet strong male lead characters.
I advise you not to push me to my limit, however.
Or you may see me take charge like the protective father figure everyone wishes they had, but didn't.
Over.
Are you working on the next Raiders of the Lost Ark?
Good question, Mystery Caller.
And this one, I don't have much time or something.
My daughter gets kidnapped.
There's a high body count.
And I throw my back out.
That's, you know, that sounds an awful lot like the taken series with Liam Neeson.
Yes.
But you're not Liam Neeson.
No, you're not Liam Neeson.
I just said that.
Don't tell Harrison Neeson who he is.
Or whom he is not.
Is it who or whom?
I don't know.
Are you stoned again, Harrison?
That question implies I ever stopped.
And I don't like that.
But are you stoned?
Who knows what lies beneath, Jimmy?
For if there is a clear and present danger, one must take extraordinary measures.
Oh, come on.
Now you're just fabricating a conversation using your old film titles.
Oh, really?
In this country, you're presumed innocent regarding Henry, Mosquito Coast, Air Force One.
Harrison, why did you call?
To tell you that Shia La Boof is a fucking idiot.
Over.
And get off my plane!
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, T-Vales.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
We will see you August 24th in Denver, Colorado, September 1st in San Fran, September 8th in Baltimore, and September 15th and 16th in Seattle, Washington.
And of course, Christmas in Honolulu.
Now, let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Hey, remember all those sci-fi predictions from years ago about killer robots going berserk in public?
That'd be a nice change of pace, wouldn't it?
And whenever I walk past a gun display, I'm reminded that's the only way gun owners can see their penises.
You know, those 52 people wounded in the last two massacres are about to suffer their third devastating attack, this time from the health insurance industry.
Hi, no, I'm sorry, but shopping at Walmart isn't on the formulary.
Did you hear Coors Light has a new ad?
This is true.
We saw it.
They have a new ad campaign.
They're now the official beer of drinking in the shower.
Yes.
Oh, my.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
You just took the most explosive, sloppy ass shit of your life.
Don't crack a window.
Crack open a cold.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
The corporate news media is going unbelievably over the top in their coordinated attack on a veteran and peace seeker, Tulsi Gabbard.
We push back here at the Jimmy Dore show.
Plus, CNN's progressive, Van Jones, actually apologizes for winning progressive ideas on camera.
Plus, phone calls from Vince Vaughn, Harrison Ford, Mitt Romney, and Vladimir Putin.
Plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door show.
Hey, that's freshman Senator Mitt Romney on the phone.
I wonder if he has something important to say about current events.
Hi, Jimmy.
My thoughts and prayers go out to insert names and towns here.
Senator Romney, why won't Congress do anything about gun massacres?
I'm so pleased that you asked that, Jimmy.
As you know, there are no easy answers to these mass killings, except there are no easy answers.
Well, how about just banning all the guns?
Then Americans wouldn't be able to mass kill each other with all the guns.
Sure, that would be easy, but it would be hard easy.
I don't understand.
The states, not the federal gum everything up meant, should control guns.
But the states with the most problems never do anything right.
Oh, really?
What about slavery?
Some states had slavery.
Other states didn't.
And look where we are today.
No more slavery, right?
So what is your solution?
We must be prepared, Jimmy.
When the bad guys with guns come for you and your loved ones, you must be prepared.
How?
Listen up.
A whole new healthcare system based on our Second Amendment rights.
A healthcare system is going to stop gun massacres?
Of course not.
You're talking ponies and fairy dust, my friend.
I'm talking about being prepared.
And what better way to protect your loved ones than mass shooting insurance?
Mass shooting insurance?
I'm glad you asked, Jimmy.
You see, with my mass shooting insurance, you can get coverage for any kind of Second Amendment happening.
Managed by mutual of, oh my God, everybody run.
My insurance would cover any type of shooting, even pre-existing shootings.
What do you call your insurance?
I hope it's not something stupid like Romney Care.
Of course not, Jimmy.
In honor of my adopted state, I never gave a shit about, Massachusetts, we call it Massacre.
Gee, that sounds an awful lot like massacre.
I don't get you.
Yeah, I bet premiums are going to be pretty high, no?
Oh, no, Jimmy.
You get a special tax credit if you're a gun owner.
But I don't want to own a gun.
Well, then you pay extra, Jimmy.
How is this better than Medicare for all, Mitt?
Well, for starters, Buster Brown, it's not all angry like Bernie Sanders.
He's all had no cattle.
And what the hell does that mean?
28 years in Congress, and he's never been able to pass even a scintilla, excuse my language, of his socialist agenda.
Well, what about forcing Obama to include $100 million for community health centers in the Affordable Care Act?
That's all whiz and no-sniz, Jimmy.
What about banning the importation of goods made with child labor?
All Poppy and no cock.
What about passing a Senate resolution to end our war in Yemen?
That's all crap and no corn, Jimmy.
You want me to explain that one?
No, no, thank you.
After the 2016 Democratic primary, a lot of the progressives were chagrined, to say the least, that they got cheated, right?
And it was, they got cheated in a million different ways.
So they had this thing called the Unity Committee or commission.
Bernie Sanders got to appoint like nine people on it, and then Hillary Clinton got to appoint like 13 people.
It wasn't even.
It sounds like unity.
Sounds like unity right away.
So anyway, what they came up with was they got rid of super delegates in the first round of voting.
So you know what super delegates are.
They get their vote counts 10,000 more, and they're always party insiders.
So that's their way of taking the control of the party away from voters.
So voters, meaning people like me and you, go and vote.
They don't want us to decide who gets to be the presidential nominee.
They want to decide.
No matter if you're a state as a majority, let's say your state with majority voted for Bernie, they can decide where they want to give their like in West Virginia.
So like in West Virginia in 2016, every county went for Bernie.
Every one of the delegates went to Hillary Clinton.
When you said that their votes count like 10,000, like that's not an exaggeration.
No, that's not an exaggeration.
They're just crazy.
Yeah.
It's amazing.
That's amazing.
Yeah.
So they get to basically control who the nominee is.
So they got rid of those super delegates voting.
They didn't get rid of super delegates.
They got rid of them voting in the first round in the primary at the convention.
So when they announced that, and that was supposed to be a big victory, I immediately said, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who said this, that, well, what they're going to do is now flood the race with as many quote-unquote progressives to fake people out, split the vote, make sure it goes to a second round, and then the super delegates are going to get to choose.
Well, lo and behold, here's Pete Budegidget.
He's playing out that exact strategy.
It says Team Budegidge aggressively courts super delegates in preparation for a contested convention.
There it is, as predicted.
So he doesn't care who the people pick.
He wants the super delegates to pick him.
I'll just read you from the Yahoo article.
Pete Budigadic's presidential campaign is taking proactive steps for the possibility of a contested convention, including an aggressive effort to court Democratic Party insiders who could cast crucial votes in such a scenario.
Again, this reform didn't do anything.
It just made the Democratic insiders figure out new ways to cheat.
The South Bend mayor's team held a conference call with a group of so-called super delegates on Monday to ask them for their support.
And how do we know about this?
Well, they invited the Daily Beast to sit in on the phone call.
They're not embarrassed about this.
They want everybody to know, hey, we're trying to go get those super delegates, you know, the super oligarchs who have more power than you to vote.
That's who we want to throw the election.
It was just the latest sign that the mayor's aides are still playing catch up against competitors such as former Vice President Joe Biden, who has been cultivating relationships with party insiders for nearly 40 years.
So that's what, again, this is you, this, the party does not represent you.
The party represents the donors.
The party does not represent you.
And so this is a big problem if Bernie Sanders doesn't become, if he doesn't win on the first round, if Bernie Sanders doesn't win the nomination for president outright on the first round, everything he's done for the last four years, as far as politics goes, has been a failure.
Now, of course, he's had big successes with Amazon and Disney, getting them to raise the $15 minimum wage.
Those are big, big wins.
He's gotten everybody to say they at least have to give lip service now to Medicare for all.
That's a big, huge shift.
He got to, so Bernie's done some great things, but and so all kudos to him, by the way, for that.
I don't mean to downplay that.
But here we are, his gamble that I'm going to sheepherd progressives into this party that actively cheats progressives on every level, on every level.
They shut out progressives.
If he's going to sheepherd them into a party that cheats them actively on every level and he doesn't win, and now all these people are now left to vote for who, and we've gotten, we have nobody in a third-party position to pull them left, I think it will be a huge failure because this is exactly what's happening.
Party insiders are going to, if it goes to a second ballot, which is exactly what's happening, they flood the contest, the primary, with 20 people or 22 people.
Now, I don't know.
And that's exactly what they're trying to do.
And that's probably, and Pete Budig knows that.
And that's why he's doing this.
You know, Jimmy, I just want to point out, of course, you know, you already highlighted party insiders.
But what's interesting is that they're highlighting that Joe Biden has cultivated relationships with party insiders for over 40 years.
There's no examination of the Democratic Party cultivating real relationship with the people.
The people.
By actually having platform and a vision.
I haven't heard of a jobs program.
I still haven't heard of a jobs program.
So when they say cultivating relationships for 40 years, that means for the last 40 years, they haven't given two shits about the public.
Well, yeah, and this also shows that Budigig, it's like obviously doesn't give a fuck about regular people.
It doesn't seem like it.
No, no, he's just spending his time, especially at this stage.
At this stage.
At this Stage of the race to go, you know, pander to the elites.
I mean, unless he's, you know, live streaming that on, streaming that on YouTube.
Right.
Right.
For the regular people to see.
I don't think he is, though.
Hey, how about that?
That's a great idea, Matt.
Why doesn't Buddha, if he's going to invite the Daily Beast to sit in on his phone call, why doesn't Pete Budig also live stream that phone call so everybody could watch?
Do you know how many live streamers he would get?
I mean, there'd be a lot of viewers for that.
I'd tune in.
But I think there's some reasons he's not.
I bet there's some reasons.
Here's a little bit more for that article.
It also signals that for all the focus on the early voting states, Budagic's team seems sees a convention floor fight as a possible path towards securing the party's nomination.
That's exactly what we've been saying.
Nobody wants to anticipate a campaign where we go to a second ballot.
That's exactly what they want.
Everyone who's a party insider, everybody except the Bernie Sanders supporters wants to see this go to a second ballot.
Every Democrat, everybody in the DNC, they all want to see it go to a second ball.
Are you kidding me?
And who, and how do, and this, so this is obvious political liary.
And how do I know it?
Well, who said this?
Let's see who said it.
Nobody wants to anticipate a campaign where we go to a second ballot.
But if you're smart, you have to, said Jed Ober.
Who's Jed Ober?
That's Hillary for America's deputy delegate director in 2016.
He's saying nobody wants to, nobody wants to anticipate a campaign where we go to a second ballot and they an insider's pick.
You know, people like me get to pick and all that stuff.
Nobody wants that.
So that obviously that's coming from someone who ran Hillary's deputy.
That's of course that's all they want.
That's exactly who people like Hillary Clinton was strong with.
The donors, the super delegates, not with the people.
Here we go.
Other Ober joined Monday's call on Wild's Bay.
Who's Wilde?
That's he's also he was so this guy Ober, who was Hillary for America's deputy delegate director in 2016, is now chief of staff to Representative Susan Wilde of Pennsylvania.
She's a super delegate and she's uncommitted.
So this guy Ober took her spot on this super delegate call.
Do you get that?
Do you follow me?
So the super delegate is Susan Wilde.
She was busy, couldn't make that phone call with Pete Budegig had to be.
And so Jed Ober sat in for him.
So he was acting as a superdelegate.
And this guy's such a horrible liar.
He says nobody wants to anticipate a campaign where I get to choose who the nominee is.
Is that really what you think we're supposed to buy?
Ober joined Monday's call on Wilde's behalf.
He said that Budigig campaign was the first to reach out this cycle.
Pete Budigig's first campaign to reach out to the superdelegates this cycle.
And that all signs point to them building a sophisticated delegate wrangling operation.
Any of these campaigns that have a legitimate shot to win should be doing this, Ober said.
Yes, of course.
He should be participating in corruption, anti-democratic activities, which is exactly what this is.
This is the opposite of democracy.
This is courting oligarchs to support me.
I wonder how much of his time is taken away from being a mayor.
That's right.
And he couldn't, and he wouldn't get re-elected as mayor.
He's done a shitty job as mayor.
Did they have superdelegates there?
I mean, there are football teams with bigger rosters than the population of South Bend.
This guy's running for president because he ran South Bend, Indiana.
I've been to South Bend, Indiana.
Don't blink, you'll miss it.
There aren't even enough people for a congressional.
What's the population of South Bend, Indiana?
I'm going to guess it's 100,000 people or less or less.
Right?
What do you want to say?
I was just saying, like, the second round, like, proof that the DNC wants a second round, the second ballot is because you don't need a second round.
That's right.
You don't need it.
You don't need it.
So they put it in because they want the real solution is ranked choice voting.
We really need that, not just in the general, but in the primaries.
That's a great point.
That's a great point.
That's right.
And you never hear a Democrat Party insider calling.
If you never hear anybody calling for that except the Green Party, yeah, no need for superdelegates if you do ranked choice voting.
Yeah, Bernie Bernie doesn't even talk about it.
So how many people live in South Bend?
100,000.
100,000.
Hey, can you find out how many votes he earned?
That's not even enough people for a congressional district.
That's not even enough people for a congressional district, just so you know.
You need 600,000 for a congressional district.
I'm pretty sure that's how many each congressional district represents, 600,000 people.
And so Pete Budigig is being a mayor of a town of 100,000.
You could have five of those cities.
You still wouldn't have enough for a congressional district.
So he's about one.
And by the way, he has not done a good job.
He speaks nice like Obama.
He does.
He does.
But like, I'll just never forget.
I apologize in advance.
I caught a, was watching a little Bill Maher.
But so Butigej is on there.
And he fucking Maher gives him the opportunity.
All right.
So this is your chance.
Tell America what you stand for.
He started talking about the transgender and using restrooms issue.
That's the one bullshit.
That's what he talks about.
And it's one opportunity to talk to all of America.
Now, obviously, you know, that's an issue, but it's not a big issue that affects most people.
Well, he didn't bring up an economic issue or about ending the wars and then reinvesting that money back home.
None of that stuff.
Didn't do that.
No.
So because he knows Bill Maher agrees with him on that issue, right?
That's the only in the so when Bill Maher says he's to the left or he's a lefty, the only evidence of it is stuff like the bathroom bill because he's for every war.
He's for Venezuela, Syria, Libya, Iraq.
He's for he's still, he still likes the Vietnam War.
I mean, that's how bad, and this is considered our lefty comedian that's supposed to be given.
You know, George Carlin wasn't given that show on fucking HBO.
It was Bill Maher.
Why?
Because Bill Maher got his mind right.
They fired him for telling the truth once about terrorism, and that's all he needed.
And now he is a neoliberal through and through.
And again, he doesn't, they don't need to send him a memo.
He's been a millionaire for 30, 40 years by this point.
And that's all he talks to is other millionaires.
He is one of them.
In any other world, Bill Maher would be a right-winger, except for the bathroom bills and stuff like that.
And you know what I find interesting about the bathroom bill?
I was just on a plane recently.
I don't want to brag.
I was flying.
And I went into the bathroom.
I'm like, oh, this is a non-gender-specific restroom.
How do people deal with it?
Do you know what I mean?
Like, everybody's up in arms.
Oh, we've got to have this.
Men and women.
We don't need it on a plane.
Nobody gives two shits about that.
Yeah, I wouldn't want men going into a bathroom where there were little girls.
I wouldn't want that happening.
Right.
Right.
So a plane is just a single you, so it's a different thing.
There aren't people sinks or multiple stalls.
So, yeah, I don't want guys going into a bathroom where there's little girls.
But anyway, there you go.
Now you know why the Democratic Party is completely corrupt.
Why Pete Budiges is a phony?
And that the mainstream media has convinced most of the people in the country that he's a viable candidate for president because he, for no reason.
There's no reason.
He has no accomplishments.
He's a guy who is because he's openly gay.
He's the first openly gay guy to run for president.
Is that it?
That's it.
I think that's it.
And then he's a Rhodes scholar.
And I have yet to see a public road scholar that isn't a sociopath.
Have you?
See, all I know is, yeah, right?
There's Rachel Battow, Bill Clinton, Bill Clinton, Pete Budigi.
Anyway, I know you know that.
I'm saying that for humor.
And I say that in case you don't know, actually.
All right, well, let's check in with our favorite right-wing celebrity and see what he has to say about this situation.
Hello?
Hello, is this Vince Vaughan?
Absolutely.
Why wouldn't it be?
You dialed my phone number and I answered the phone.
Wonders never cease.
Please tell me what confused child am I speaking to?
Vince, it's Jimmy Dore.
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
It's my favorite lib.
How are you, you string cheese-eating maniac?
I'm not a liberal, Vince.
I'm a progressive.
Wow, I aggressively do not care.
I can feel it in my body, like a physical sensation, how much I don't care about what you just said.
What are you calling about, baby?
Well, Vince, you're a big Second Amendment guy.
Damage, Jimmy.
I love it.
I love all the amendments almost equally, but if I had to choose, number two is number one.
In fact, quite personally, I think it should have been the fact of the First Amendment.
If I could amend the Constitution, I'd flip one and two.
And I'll tell you what, that is a platform and a movement that is, in fact, afoot.
I can assure you and your listeners that we are working towards this quickly.
All right.
Okay.
So since you are a big Second Amendment guy, I wonder if you have any response to the two major mass shootings our nation just endured.
No.
No?
Yeah, I have none.
There's your answer.
How can you have nothing to say about people being shot in all these max shootings when let's not go down this road, okay?
We all know where it leads.
Let me ask you.
Let me ask you a question, Jimmy Doerr.
Jimmy Doerr, do you yourself have principles?
Of course I do, Vince.
Do they change with every little news story that comes along?
No, Vince.
My principles don't change, but my opinions can change given new information.
Do you see the difference?
I willfully refuse to see that extremely clear distinction, which is my right-handed American citizen.
Oh, brother.
Look, I don't have opinions, you pot-smoking animal.
All I have are principles.
Guns are a principle.
The idea that we need guns to face down the federal government is a principle.
Believing that all these people would be alive if everyone had guns on them at all times is a principle.
The idea that more guns meet a safer world is a principle.
Do you see?
Vince, those are opinions, and they can change.
No, they don't change.
That's why they're called principals.
Like the principal of your high school.
Did he ever change?
No.
He was always the same guy.
Before your freshman year, he was the principal.
All throughout high school, he was the principal.
And even if you go back 10 years later and visit for some reason, that same fucking dude is still the principal.
Principles don't change.
You are unbelievable, Vince.
Oh, you better believe in me, Jimmy.
I'm real as shit.
Just like God and Jesus.
What about the Holy Spirit, Vince?
I just never felt that was a real thing.
So you think the answer is arming everybody at all times?
That's, you know, the ideal situation.
I don't know if we could get there necessarily, but maybe we can get close.
At least have enough armed people so that some guy starts shooting and then other guys can shoot that guy.
So the entire population is just on the brink of a massive shootout at all times.
That's your idea?
Is that really so bad of a thing?
Shootouts are cool.
Vince, I don't want to have to carry a gun around with me in order to protect myself from mass shooters and be surrounded by other inept gun owners who are going to just start shooting randomly when they hear a motorcycle backfire or something.
Well, Ben, you're kind of a pussy.
I'm a pussy.
Yeah, if you don't like guns, you're kind of a pussy.
That's really what this comes down to.
Guns are for tough, cool guys.
Not guns are for veggies.
I see.
Well, I guess I appreciate your honesty.
I mean, I think you're right.
That's really what this comes down to.
Yeah.
Right.
Well, hey, we kind of agree on something.
That's progress.
I suppose, in a way.
Hey, Jimmy.
What?
I'm sorry I called you a pussy, man.
I didn't mean it.
I appreciate that, Vince.
That means a lot.
I appreciate you being.
That's a big man of you.
All right.
Yeah, anytime, buddy.
I'll clean up the messes I make.
Okay.
No matter how many people get killed in mass shootings, you're still going to have this principle.
Yes, absolutely.
It doesn't change.
But, Vince, just so you know, there are two different principles.
So there's a principal, which has an LE, and then there's a principle pal, which is the guy who runs your high school.
I was not pals with him, sir.
I was not.
He did not care for me.
All right.
Thanks, Vince.
I'll talk to you.
All right, Vince, I appreciate your insight.
This is even worse than I thought.
Okay, you know what?
I like to exceed expectations, Jimmy Dore, and I'm glad I've done it with you.
This guy shows up at the debates.
Who is he?
This is Michael Bennett.
Is that his name?
Michael Bennett?
Michael Bennett from Colorado.
Yeah.
This guy was so boring.
There were 50 people who don't even follow politics who decided to vote for Trump after watching this guy just out of spite.
That's how just out of spite.
Watch this guy.
This guy's trying to excite you to vote for him.
Watch this guy.
Thank you.
Last week, I saw one of those Trump signs that says, America, love it or leave it.
And it was on the outside of a church.
I love America.
I love America.
and that's why my campaign is sponsored by ambien So we can make it better.
Before coming to the Senate, I ran a large urban school district where most of the kids live in poverty.
And they didn't even mind that I was a robot.
I think robots are needed to help build the future.
Those kids have exactly the same hopes that I had.
Their parents have exactly the same hopes for them.
How does this guy eat an apple?
His mouth is so small.
Like, do they got to cut it up for him?
I ain't put it with Cheerios.
There you go, little baby mouth banner.
You know what I think's going to happen?
I think in the next debate, like, this dude's going to say something, and then all of a sudden he's going to be done.
And Andrew Yang's going to jump out with a wrench and he's going to be like, see, I told you all the jobs are going to be automated.
I built this!
This is what happens when you eat a jar of peanut butter before a debate.
Here we go.
The same hopes that I had.
Their parents have exactly the same hopes for them that my parents had for me.
And that hope is that I would one day be able to express emotion in my face.
You know, sleepwalking is a real issue in America.
And I'm doing it right now.
And that Susan and I have for our three children.
But for the last three years, we've been consumed by a president who frankly doesn't give a damn about your kids or mine.
Oh my God, it's a swearing robot.
I do.
He does not give a damn.
And you can see how it enrages me.
I will take this kind of fire in the belly and apply it in a robotic way to beating Donald Trump.
All right, here we go.
You want to hear more?
He's got more to say.
No?
Mr. President, kids belong in classrooms.
Not Katie.
That's right.
Oh, that was his please clap moment.
And he did it with his eyes.
He didn't even have to use.
I love the audience there was like, oh, is he done?
Oh, okay.
Okay, good, good, good.
Yeah, cool, cool, cool.
I never saw his lips move, so I didn't know when he was done.
You know, ironically, I've never heard of that guy, but still, I will never get his voice out of my head.
Well, he was the first GPS narrator, too.
Not a lot of people know that about him.
Hey, if this doesn't work out, he could always be a square dance caller for snails.
laughter laughter That's a joke that comes out of nowhere.
So he's from Colorado where they have legal marijuana.
And ironically, that's exactly how you sound and look when you're coming out of a dispensary.
I think the weed is good.
So I don't know if you saw the debates or you saw the coverage afterwards, but again, for the second debate in a row, Tulsi Gabbard was the most searched candidate.
We are...
We are dueling our job.
We did this.
We manipulated results.
It has only begun.
We have calendars much for September.
So before the debate, the most searched candidate was Joe Biden, right?
Yeah.
And Tulsi was second, but the most searched after, Tulsi.
So, hold good out there and thank you.
And of course, who do you think that the press has won that debate?
Who do you think they say?
BBC, Democrat.
Joe Biden is the winner.
How is he the winner?
Because he's going to win in 30-30, like he said at the end.
Go to Joe Biden, 30-30.
The guy tried, he tried to give out his website and he gave out a landline phone number.
03-0330.
if you agree with me go to joe 303 30 and help me in this fight Isn't that one of those error codes when a website doesn't load in?
If you want to make America moral again, go to 867-5309.
I got your number on a wall.
So that's so.
They were searching Joe 30330.
And that's why it didn't show up.
Kind of screwed himself on that one.
So I'm watching CNN, and they bring on a guy who's a debate coach.
They have this guy who's a debate coach, and he comes on, and guess who he thinks also did poorly?
He doesn't, well, I'll show you.
He doesn't think here.
I hooked him in with a few that I said had fine debates, but they simply didn't stand out in any, you know, in any fashionable way.
So I thought the same thing about Tulsi Gabbard.
She didn't stand out.
This is the CNN expert.
She didn't stand out.
She was only the most searched over.
Every debate.
Yeah, I don't think so.
Who did he like?
You want to know who he liked?
He liked Michael Bennett.
Of course it's CNN.
CNN, where one of the N's stands for news, and the other N stands for not.
What was his logic for liking Michael Bennett?
I've had insomnia for three weeks, and let me tell you, for the first night, I slept like a baby.
He's going to cure Wirk's insomnia And get us back to more productivity.
This is what he actually says.
Here's what he says.
Sharp and they're ready to go.
And so I thought his arguments were some of the best of the night.
And of everybody on stage, he actually defended being a moderate the best.
Oh, yes.
That's like he defended being a pussy better than anybody.
In this time of peril, America doesn't need bold ideas.
It needs a lipless, small-mouthed, baby-mouthed, fucking tired pussy to lead us into centrism for the new era.
How could you go on and defend?
Like, he really defended moderateism?
When do we want change?
When do we want it?
Well, you know, in due time.
Whenever it's convenient for the oligarchy.
I'm moderate.
I want change, but not right now.
I want to know when did Mariah Carey become a news anchor?
I've had a vision of love.
And it was all that.
Here we go.
Let's see.
He else says this.
He actually defended being a moderate the best.
He defended how much things will cost and that we should have some truth telling.
And frankly, he was really good on issues of civil rights.
I thought he had an excellent debate.
And that's why my voice cracked like I'm 13 years old.
Whenever I'm telling the truth, I always act like I think he had an excellent debate.
I'm not being paid to say this.
What the fuck?
That's the guy.
That's their.
So again, so now you know who you know who CNN is.
Listen to the question she asks him.
Watch this.
You know, she says she went to Syria to promote diplomacy.
But, I mean, I know you just laid out some of it, but what was she really doing?
Obviously, she was meeting with Russian internet trolls to make memes and sow discontent.
That's her question.
That's, could you?
You know, she says she went to Syria to promote diplomacy.
But I mean, I know you just laid out some of it, but what was she really doing?
Right.
What she would.
Yeah.
That's kind of amazing.
I just thought I'd show you that because that's kind of amazing.
And then here she was on MSNBC.
And so watch this.
I want to go with this for a moment.
So when sitting down with someone like Bashar al-Assad in Syria, do you confront him directly and say, why do you order chemical attacks on your own people?
Why do you cause the killings of over half a million people in your country?
Look, let me just say this.
If the corporate media was as tough on politicians that are fueling the wars as they are on the ones who are trying to end the wars, we would have been out of Afghanistan in 2003.
Thank you.
So let's remember that MSNBC is the network that fired Phil Donahue for telling the truth about the Iraq war, which she is currently fucking serving in, right?
They fired Phil Donahue for telling the truth.
They fired Jesse Ventura for telling the truth.
They fired Ashley Banfield for telling the truth about war.
That's what MSNBC does.
And they also fired people who tell the truth for even covering progressive politicians.
So the fact that they bring her on, of course they're going to do this.
Of course they hire somebody like her who's going to take orders on what kind of questions to ask Tulsi Gabbard.
She wasn't allowed to give her a decent interview.
And if she did, she'd have been fucking fired like Phil Donahue too.
These people are tools.
And she's a tool just as big as anybody at MSNBC.
All right, so I just wanted to get that off my chest.
Here we go.
I want to go with this for a moment.
So when sitting down with someone like Bashar al-Assad in Syria, do you confront him directly and say, why do you order chemical attacks on your own people?
Why do you cause the killings of over half a million people in your country?
Look, you know, I want to break this down to break this down to what we're talking about here today because you're talking about a meeting that took place, what, three years ago?
Well, commenting on the people who are going to be able to do it, no, every time I come back here on MSNBC, you guys talk to me about these issues.
It sounds like these are talking points that Kamala Harris and her campaign are fleeing you.
It's not coming.
Thank you.
Seriously, who would know watching the news would be this much fun?
And the thing is about corporate news, once you see it, you can't outsee it.
It's fucking everywhere, right?
It's just, it never stops.
It's everywhere.
Okay, so here we go.
You're refusing to address the questions.
It's important, I think, for the American people to have context about your foreign policy issues and where you stick.
Yeah, because she cares about the American people.
She doesn't care about her paycheck or her career or her future in freaking bullshit propaganda news journalism.
She cares about the American people, which is why she's smearing right now a veteran who's standing up against wars that the American people don't want.
That's called courage.
And what this woman is doing from MSNBC is called cowardice propaganda.
She's a coward and a propagandist.
That's what that woman is.
She works for MSNBC.
You can't be anything else.
If you're leading with foreign policy, I would love to provide that because a meeting with Brashar Assad, which I'm sure you understand, is a very controversial meeting to take.
Hence the reason why when you come on MSNBC, it is important for us to talk to you about that.
And of course, every anchor has a different perspective and different questions to ask of you every single time for three years.
This is where the propaganda comes in.
Because I've talked to her.
You know, I'm just going to read a little subtext here.
Tulsi, in my opinion, is going, how many wars have you been at, bitch, like this?
She worked in a medical unit.
You know what that means?
She saw the most awful shit.
She saw what war actually does to human beings.
That's why she's like, I'm against it.
Little fucking little miss journalist over here has never set foot outside of her.
She's traveled to, you know, Europe and shit like that.
She's never even been close to war.
She's never smelled one.
She doesn't know what one fucking looks like.
So that's why she has the audacity to say this to a goddamn combat vet.
Well, wait a second.
She might have smelled a backpack.
You don't know.
You're right.
To be fair.
Ron called it.
God called it.
That's really good ront.
This is a lot for the last three years.
And I've talked about how as a soldier, I served in a field medical unit in Iraq, where every single day I saw the very high human cost of war.
Every single day, the first thing that I did was go through a list name by name of every single American casualty and injury that had occurred the day before.
So I will not apologize to you or to anyone, anyone for dealing with it.
Let me finish.
Let me finish for doing all that I can, all that I can, to prevent our country from continuing to make these perpetual wrong decisions that have taken a toll on the lives of my brothers and sisters in uniform.
I will continue to do all that I can to make sure that we end these wasteful regime change wars that have taken such a toll on all of us and that have made our country less safe.
And if that means having a meeting with a dictator, if that means trying to meet with Kim Jong-un in North Korea to de-escalate tensions and remove this nuclear threat from our country and our people, whatever the crisis is, we've got to have a leader with the courage to do the right thing for the American people, putting their interests ahead of everything else.
That is what I'm focused on.
And this is at the center of my foreign policy and the leadership that I'll bring as president.
I certainly am not happy.
I've certainly never been to war or done anything courageous ever.
But I like to smear you for money, and that's what I do.
You to apologize for your service.
I'm very thankful for your service at that.
And I don't think anybody is.
Well, I'm very thankful for your service, and that's why I smear you as not being patriotic enough.
I apologize for your service.
This is more a conversation and asking you questions to explain the decisions that you've made in the past and the statements that you've made in the past with regards to your It's fucking August.
You guys have been doing this for three years.
Okay.
And by the way, here's Twitter.
You want to see how Twitter helps screw over Tulsi?
So the trend, what was trending was Tulsi smashed Kamala Harris.
Here's how Twitter said it.
Kamala Harris brings up Tulsi Gabbard's record with the Assad regime.
There it is.
There's 12,000 people tweeting about that.
And then look at the other trend below.
Even Twitter has to be honest about it.
Yes, 48.6,000.
Hashtag Kamala Harris destroyed.
That's the real trend, but they pretend it's a different trend.
Isn't that fucking hilarious?
You got to read the fine prints.
So 48,000 people are hashtagging in Kamala Harris destroyed.
12,000 people are talking about Kamala Harris, bringing up Tulsi, and they go with, of course, that.
That's Twitter.
All right.
So don't think social media is separate from the intelligence community one bit.
They are not.
Okay.
They are fucking joint at the hip.
The Atlantic Council is running Facebook.
Who's running Twitter?
I don't know.
But they're just as bad.
Okay.
So here's David Axelrod.
Oh boy!
So I don't know if you're like me, if you watch the coverage after the debates, they would have 10 people on a panel and every one of them would say, hey, we can't have Medicare for all.
What are these Democrats thinking about?
We got to win the race.
The economy's good.
What are you guys doing?
We can't, every fucking person, every God, that's exactly right.
Why we can afford it because the economy is good.
We can afford shit.
We're the richest country in the world the face of the earth has ever seen.
We can afford shit, right?
And you know what I say?
If someone, if a politician tells you we're broke, they're either full of shit or they're using a Texas math book, all right?
When they say we're broke, they don't mean we can't afford trillion-dollar wars, trillion-dollar bank bailouts, billion-dollar oil subsidies, and prison construction.
That's not what they mean.
They mean we can't afford education, health care, schools, roads, anything that makes your fucking life better.
That's what they mean.
And so here's David Axelrod, fresh from the Obama administration, and he's here to tell you you can't have shit.
Ready?
Here we are.
You said something interesting, which was it isn't good enough to argue that the country doesn't want this.
It does seem if you're running for president that you ought to take into consideration what the country wants.
And then you do, and then you do what the donors tell you to anyway.
Because that's what we did in the Obama administration.
And, you know, sometimes you have to take into account what the public wants, and then you have to do the opposite anyway.
Like, nobody wanted the Bush tax cuts to be made permanent, and we fucking did it.
So I don't know.
Nobody wants the Arctic to be open to Shell oil drilling twice.
We fucking did it anyway.
Nobody wanted pipelines underneath this planet with fragment.
We did it anyway.
Nobody wanted us to take two wars in seven.
We fucking did it.
Nobody wanted us to make the banks bigger.
You take into account what the people want and you fucking do what your donors want and you shut the fuck up.
That's what David Atzelrod is here to tell you, you stupid fucking progressives.
Get your fucking head out of your ass and you do what your fucking owners tell you.
That's what David Atzelrod is here to tell you because he is an owned piece of fucking shit, just like every other cocksucker who has ruined this goddamn country over the last 40 years.
And he's one of them.
He has legislated against you.
He is your enemy.
He is the friend of your enemy.
He is your enemy.
And he goes on.
Here's what he says.
And the fact is, large numbers of people oppose the Medicare for all proposal if it replaces private insurance.
And that's why when Bernie Sanders goes on Fox News and talks about it, he gets a standing fucking ovation.
That's why, right?
He goes to West Virginia on CNN.
They chant Bernie Bernie when he talks about single-payer men.
This guy is fucking full of shit.
This isn't a good guy.
These are our enemies, the sheep and wolves, the wolves and sheep holding.
That's who these people are.
And that's why I have a show.
And these are the fuckers we gotta get rid of.
*applause*
We've seen it in poll after poll after poll.
A large number of people in the country do not believe the border should be decriminalized.
A large number of people in this country don't believe that undocumented immigrants should qualify for.
And that's why you are called a leader when you follow the people who have the bad ideas.
That's why if you're a leader, you just give in to the popular opinion.
No matter how good your idea is, you just give in.
That's what a leader does, right?
That's what David Athelrod is saying.
Hey, the people don't want it, so we have to, you know, even now we have the right idea, we should shut the fuck up about it and do the wrong thing.
We should be more like Trump.
That's what he's saying.
People don't want to decriminalize the It shouldn't be a criminal infraction, which is why Trump is allowed to do what he's doing.
Everyone knows these people are desperate.
They're poor.
They're not a threat to anybody.
They're coming from places that our foreign policy is fucked over, which is why they're coming here.
I love how he says, oh, you know, they're all criminal.
There's a thousand of them.
They're walking across Mexico.
They're all criminals.
if they're all criminals, what kind of a criminal walks a thousand miles and then steals a fucking car?
laughter laughter laughter laughter When you steal a car first.
You imagine it's a, hey, Jim, let's go steal a car.
I need some help.
Sure, I'll help you steal a car.
Where is it?
It's in Montana.
How are we going to get there?
We're going to walk.
It's a little trick I picked up from those criminal immigrants.
Actually, you're squishier if you.
So watch, so now this woman tries to explain to him.
So the whole thing is that they say they've come up with this new thing to scare people out Medicare for all.
So if you ask people if they want Medicare for all, overwhelming majority of people say yes.
Nine out of ten Democrats say yes.
70% of the country says yes, right?
They want it.
But then if you start asking it in ways that scares the shit out of people, oh, and you don't explain it to them, then they go against it.
That's what David Axelrod is saying.
So they found out a way to scare people against, because they found out people are actually for Medicare for all.
So they came up with a way to scare the shit out of people about it.
And the way they do it, I go, hey, it's going to take away your health care right now that you have right now.
Then it's going to back up, oh, what, what, what, what?
Oh, yeah, they're going to take it away from you.
You're going to take it away.
They're going to take it away.
What?
I don't fucking work.
I don't want my healthcare taken away.
They're going to take it away.
They are going to take it away.
Yeah, but I don't want to take it, but they're going to take it.
And so now they're asking the question that way.
Hey, they're going to charge you more in taxes.
Your taxes are going to go up.
They're going to take your health care away.
What the fuck?
Well, then, I don't want it.
They're going to take my health care away and raise my taxes?
Yeah, I don't want it.
Well, who wants that shit?
But if they go, hey, you're going to pay less money and get better health care.
Oh, then I want it.
But they don't ask it like that.
That's not how they ask it.
And that's what David Axelrod is banking on.
If they ask it regular, the majority of Americans want fucking Medicare for all.
That's a fact.
So this woman says to him, yeah, but you know those numbers, his numbers, meaning that people don't want it.
She goes, those numbers are squishy.
And if we have a conversation with them, meaning that we explain it to them, that will convince them.
Watch what he says to them.
Undocumented immigrants should qualify for them.
The numbers actually are squishier if you're able to have the conversation with the voters.
The numbers are very, they come across.
Do you have time to do it?
So she just says it.
She goes, yeah, but if we have the conversation with the voters, that changes the numbers.
You know that, because we explained the situation.
And I have to believe we have time before the election in 2020 to have that conversation.
And watch what David Axelrod says back.
I honestly, I appreciate your feelings about these issues.
You're a woman, so I appreciate your feelings.
I don't appreciate the facts you just brought up.
So I'm going to ignore the facts.
I'm going to make it feel, I'm going to make it seem like it's just your feelings.
And I appreciate you calling me out on my bullshit, which I'm not going to back up.
I appreciate your feelings.
Now get ready for some mansplaining.
Here we go.
Very passionate about health care myself.
Let me back it up.
Wow, that's Michael Bennett kind of passion.
Holy shit.
That's exciting.
I love America.
Here we go.
About these issues.
And I'm very passionate about health care myself.
You know, I'm passionate about making it expensive as possible and keeping it away from 30 million Americans.
Thank you.
Because that's the plan that he authored.
That's the plan he was afforded.
The plan that made it too expensive for anyone to afford, and it left out 30 million Americans.
I'm really passionate about fucking giving in to my donors and fucking, oh, yeah, I was in the White House when we fought just to get the Affordable Care Act, couldn't get a public option.
Couldn't get it.
And you know why we couldn't get it?
Because the goddamn insurance agents companies didn't want it.
That's why we couldn't get it.
That's right.
And they're our donors and they're our bosses and we serve them.
They didn't want it, so we didn't get it.
Couldn't get a public option.
Couldn't get a public option when Barack Obama and the Democrats had complete control of government, a filibuster-proof Senate, and you still couldn't get it.
You know why?
Because instead of going to Joe Lieberman's district and his state and telling people that Joe Lieberman was standing in between them and actual health care, he decided to go to Dennis Kucinich's district and tell those people that Dennis Kucinich was standing in between.
Dennis Kucinich was actually the one standing up for the public option.
That's what he did, and that's what Barack Obama did.
That's called history, and he'll never tell you the truth about it.
Bernie Sanders was there.
He knows that.
He knows that what he's talking about is not going to happen.
So why is and again, no one says to him, David, why is it not going to happen?
Why are we not going to get a thing the overwhelming majority of Americans want?
Why are we not going to get that thing?
And the reason why is because corporations fucking have a stranglehold on our legislators.
It's not because it's the right thing to do or the moral thing to do or it's a good policy.
It's because we're corrupt.
And he's saying, embrace it.
Embrace the corruption like I did for eight years when I was in the White House and shut your fucking mouth.
That's what he's saying.
And stop pretending that we can have the same shit the rest of the country has.
That's what he's saying.
Yeah.
Thank you.
So I want to show you Van Jones.
Now, this is sad.
It went back to Wheel of Fortune.
I don't know if you said.
It went from like Wheel of Fortune to sitcom.
Oh, the Fonz couldn't jump the shark.
*singing*
So Van Jones is supposed to be the radical on the panel, right?
Van Jones is supposed to be the super progressive radical on the panel.
And if you listen to this, he ends up advocating for the right thing and he ends up telling the truth, which is good that he's there because he says it.
But it's the way he says it.
He's so beaten down.
And I feel for him.
I'm not.
This isn't to beat up on him, but this is to show that even a guy like Van Jones, once you get around these people, it starts to affect you.
It starts to like, you can't be in an argument every minute of your life because that's what it would be like.
He's the one guy on that panel.
Watch this.
Watch this.
This is, I think, the key to the difference in just what went wrong in 2016.
I think we're still all in therapy trying to figure out what went wrong in 2016.
Yeah, except millions of Americans actually cannot afford therapy because of the shitty system that we have.
And depending on who your therapist is, you have a different answer.
I think for a lot of progressives, you're correct.
Some of these ideas, they may be a bridge too far.
And I know, I know, why would you say that?
They might be, you know, they might be a bridge too far.
I think he's talking about the bridge in London because they actually have the kind of health care plan we're fucking advocating for.
Is that the bridge you're talking about?
Because every other goddamn Western nation has figured this out fucking decades ago.
And we get a guy like the progressive like, yeah, you're right.
It's too fucking much.
So that's how he starts it off.
Here we go.
And I have that same fear.
I just want to speak to the people who say, you know what, we don't care.
At this point, when you have a president who has gone so far to the right and done so many things and been rewarded for the audacity of it, why can't we be audacious?
And why can't we actually fight for what we believe in?
That's exactly right.
So he gets it right.
So he gets a first.
He apologized.
That's always a great way to start off a strategy meeting.
I would have an apology.
He's like, yeah, you're right.
The shit we want is probably fucking wrong.
But I'm going to fight for it.
Anyway, so that's, but at least he got to the right place.
And then listen to what this woman says.
I think what you're seeing is...
But listen, but listen.
Because you want to win.
So this is this idea from the establishment that if you advocate for progressive ideas, you're going to lose.
Well, we've advocated for moderate centrist ideas and we lost to a game show host.
So this site, and no one ever says that back to them.
He doesn't say it back to her.
He doesn't.
Well, watch what he does say.
This is where I really think we talk past each other.
Electability is key for progressives as well, but we think you're going to be more electable if you electrify the people who've never voted before, and those are going to be the people who need big solutions.
That's exactly what.
So he hits, nails it.
He's nailing it, right?
He's he, but did you see how I think we talked past each other?
What that means is, I think you're fucking full of shit.
But he says it in the nicest way, and then he makes the right.
But watch how he ends.
Watch.
You're going to be more electable if you electrify the people who've never voted before.
And those are going to be the people who need big solutions.
And these moderate answers may actually demobilize their own base.
That's the only thing.
We've got to take a goes, so if you don't advocate for things that progressives want that actually help people, we might demobilize our base.
That's the only thing.
It's not a big fucking deal.
That is the weirdness.
Like, whatever.
Don't make it.
It's nothing.
Let's go have drinks.
I don't want to make it.
Like, if he was an advisor to the Emperor of Japan, he would be like, all I'm saying is if you bomb Pearl Harbor, they might drop two atomic bombs on us.
They might be like, whatever.
It's not a big deal.
Whatever.
Let's go have lunch.
I thought he was doing his best Joe Biden impression.
Oh, my time is up.
It's It's like, it's all the only little thing, it's just a small thing that maybe we should run a candidate that actually inspires people so we can win.
Not a big deal.
What's a big deal?
Like, honestly, when I was watching that and I saw, and you just look at his face, he's like, God damn it, I'm beaten.
I am beaten down.
I take the man's money now.
He has his own show on CNN.
These are the people he hangs out with every goddamn day.
This is who he hangs.
These are the people.
And you see how it happened?
He has like, oh, fuck.
This is it.
All right.
Well, I'm taking the money.
This is how it works.
I'm fucking taking the money.
Because he won't say to her, We did this with Hillary Clinton and fucking lost.
We did this with John Kerry and fucking lost.
We did this with Al Gore and fucking lost.
Barack Obama pretended he was opposite and he won.
If Barack Obama was the other guy, I'm moderate.
Nobody would have fucking voted for him.
The fact that Barack Obama was saying hope and change and he gave us no change.
He gave us continuity.
He fucking made everything that Bush was doing permanent.
That's so that I don't, so that's why he, but look at that face.
Look at his face.
He's like, I'm stuck.
That's it.
I'm stuck.
It's almost like we're a mouthpiece for the oligarchy.
That's the only thing.
I mean, that's the only...
*laughter*
Wow, Vladimir Putin's on the line.
Hello.
Hello, my old friends, longtime listener, fourth or fifth time caller, Vlad the Inhaler Putin here.
So, old friend, anything happening since long ago we have hung each other talks?
What?
What's up, asshole?
Oh, why the hostility, Vladimir?
I grow weary of these games, no?
What games are you talking about, Vladimir?
Please call me Vlad.
The kids like to call me Rappin' Vlad to the P. Putin, yo, in the Kremlin tonight.
What up?
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDorkomedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Step Samurano, and Mark Van Landowicz.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out!
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out!
Don't freak out.
Do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
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