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March 10, 2018 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:07:33
20180310_0309_TJDS_PODCAST
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Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Two tried and true tridents.
Two tried and true tridents.
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
Yeah, that's it.
Come on, baby.
Big money, big money.
All right, get ready.
You can do this.
You can do this.
Uh-oh, my caller ID says it's the former hope of the Republican Party, Jeb Bush.
Hey, Jeb.
Betty Barter bought some butter, but she said the bitters butter.
Fuck.
Wait.
Wait.
Hello?
Yes.
Hello.
Who is this?
My name is Jeb Bush, son of a former president, father to a Texas land commissioner, and I will have my vengeance in this life or the next.
Hi, Jeb.
Are you basking in your son's primary victory in Texas?
Of course not.
I'm not the type of person to gloat.
But if I were, I'd be like, in your face, motherfuckers.
I'm back.
But isn't your son a big Donald Trump supporter?
And didn't Trump back his candidacy?
So?
Well, no one in your family supported Trump for president except your son.
What's his name?
Four fine fresh fish for you.
Four fine fresh fish for you.
What?
I mean, his name is George.
George, all right.
Everybody in my stupid family is named George.
Happy?
Golly, OG Wiz Darted.
Now I'm getting a rash.
I'm so upset.
Stop it.
But Trump called you a total stiff, low energy, and an embarrassment to your family.
Aren't you upset your son supports him and calls him his friend?
Of course not.
But a bit of better butter will make my batter better.
What?
Nothing.
You see, this is my end.
I'll be back.
I'm going to ride my BDI little snake of a so-called son's success back into the political arena.
I mean, golly, you just watch, mister.
But it's just the primary.
How can you be so sure he's going to win the general election?
How could a clam cram in a clean cram can?
Now, how can you be sure he's going to win the general election?
Look, I've got everything writing on this, okay?
If you can't say anything positive, just don't say anything at all.
Mother always tells me that.
Star strong smile.
But your father wrote in his book that he didn't like Trump.
To be exact, Dad said he wasn't too excited about Trump being a leader and that he was a blowhard.
Didn't people say that about Hitler, too?
Oh, no, you don't.
I'm not falling for your gotcha questions.
I have no opinion on Hitler at this time.
Jeez, Louise.
Okay.
Your brother GW also regularly criticizes Trump.
He recently said Trump's presidency, quote, sort of makes me look pretty good, doesn't it?
Oh, George is such a joker sometimes.
He knows Trump hasn't had a chance to kill a million Iraqis yet.
Good point.
Oh, darn.
Mom's calling me for me again.
Time to massage her stump.
Oh, come on.
Okay, mom.
No.
In a second, for golly's sake.
I gotta leave now, I guess, Jimmy.
Anyway, hey, you're welcome to come to the compound to play Stratego if you want.
No pressure.
It's a classic game of battlefield strategy.
All right, I understand.
Don't decide now.
Give it some thought.
I mean, heck, I got a busy schedule, too, but I can leave weekdays open if you want.
I have the operation game, too.
Hello.
Hello.
Did I just butt hang up on Jimmy?
Should I call him back?
I don't want to see pushy or anything.
I guess it's okay.
I don't want him to think I hung up on him on purpose.
I don't know.
Oh, well.
Fred fed Ted Bread and Ted fed Fred Bret.
Darn, darn, darn, darn.
Hehehehe.
I want to watch my next day.
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
The show for people that are.
Commands maybe on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It starts talking to T-Vale.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
Want to let you know, second show added Monday, March 26th in Austin, Texas.
Second show.
We'll see you there Monday, March 26th in Austin, Texas.
Plus, March 30th, Burbank, California.
Jimmy Door Show in Burbank, California.
Go to Jimmy DoorComedy.com for a link for all those tickets.
That's right.
March 30th, Jimmy Door Show in Burbank, California.
Let's get to some of the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Hey, I'll give up my hand when you pry it from my cold, dead forearm.
I don't know if that's how it goes.
Hey, I'll give up this stupid slogan when you scoop it from my cold gelatinous brain noodled with a scoop soup lid.
I don't know.
It's just goofy.
Why do people get so upset over the Oscars?
Like you expected something better from an award show?
I mean, it's going to take a lot more than paying lip service to victims of sexism, racism, and ageism to make the Oscars relevant again.
Maybe a remake of Seahunt or something.
Hillary Clinton tweeted out, saw Black Panther today with Bill.
Loved it.
Beautiful film, lots of action, and a great message.
Don't miss it.
Like I missed Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania.
I mean, I love the Oscars.
It's always nice to remember we live in a country where the award shows have better voting systems than the actual elections do.
Hey, I'll give you, I'll give up my fingers when you pry them from my cold dead anus.
Am I right?
Come on.
Come on.
Hey, if Bill Maher wants war so much with Russia, he should suit up with his fellow idiot Warhawk Rob Reiner and hit the Ukraine front.
America's counting on you, boys.
Make it funny.
Hey, I don't know if you know, but Charles Koch's been speaking out lately.
Charles Koch's been questioning the fairness of the system.
That's right.
That's kind of like New England Patriots questioning the fairness of the referees.
I don't know.
It's kind of like Jeff Bezos questioning the fairness of our tax system.
There's a lot of examples I could give you for how crazy it is for Charles Koch to be questioning the fairness of our system.
You know, whenever I find myself hating a politician, I put things in perspective by asking, yeah, but would they cancel Deadwood?
Hey, I got some popular war slogans throughout history.
World War I, popular slogan, the war to end all wars.
Remember that?
World War II, the war to end fascism.
World War III, the war to end barely comprehensible sub-literate trolling on social media With nuclear warheads.
Upcoming World War III jokes.
They're going to be some jokes for World War III.
Hey, if that's the Ukraine front, I'd hate to see the back.
Am I right?
Am I right?
Yes, we were hungry when we got to Moscow.
Soviet.
Soviete every single cat and we ate every dog and rat we could find.
Then we started on the children.
What kind of video goes to war with Russia?
It's a Soviet joke.
Get it?
A lot of these jokes are dark.
Hey, I don't know.
Have you heard about Trump with the Stormy Daniels?
How couldn't you?
The news has been talking about Stormy Daniels.
Why the Democrats joined the Republicans in gutting Wall Street reform?
Let's talk about Stormy Daniels.
I don't think Trump realizes that Stormy Daniels' orgasms were the epitome of fake news.
I'm guessing a Trump administration-themed Stormy Daniels porn tape would involve an orgy, but everybody leaves before it's over.
Did you hear Gary Cohen left the White House?
Gary Cohen leaving the White House is a total game-samer.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
The Democrats are resisting progress once again by joining the Trump administration and gutting Wall Street reform.
No kidding.
We're going to talk about it.
Plus, Barack Obama is bringing his presidential library to the south side of Chicago.
That also means he's going to give full-throated defense for gentrification.
No kidding.
That's coming up.
And we got phone calls today from George Clooney, Chuck Schumer, and everyone's favorite second son, Jeb Bush.
Plus a lot, lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
You got to vote Democrat.
What?
You got to vote Democrat because Trump and the Republicans are horrible and they're going to deregulate Wall Street.
And that's what's, you know, that's the problem.
Here's what RoConna says.
RoConna says, why are there 12 Democrats working with Republicans to roll back the financial regulations that were put in place after the financial crisis?
Have they forgotten about how reckless Wall Street greed ruined the lives of million Americans?
No, they have not forgotten.
They never gave a shit, Roe.
That's your party.
That's your party.
So this is from political.
So there's a bill that the Democrats have signed on to.
There's 12 Democrats, as Roe pointed out, signed on to.
By the way, Hillary Clinton's vice president, one of them.
Tim Kaine.
Ah.
And the heart of the bill is to take 30.
So what they want to do is right now Dodd-Frank, the regulations that are in Dodd-Frank, which, by the way, everyone says is very weak anyway.
The regulations in Dodd-Frank apply to any bank with $50 billion of capital or more.
So what this bill would do is raise the threshold for that Dodd-Frank to apply to banks $250 billion capitalized or more.
So that's, woo, that's a big difference.
And according to this, the heart of this bill is to take 30 of the 40 biggest banks in this country off the watch list so they can load up on risks again if the thing and if things go wrong put the american taxpayer back on the hook so what they're doing is 30 of the biggest 30 of the biggest 40 banks in the country are now under those regulations so they want to raise the threshold to 250 billion which would then take 30 of those banks
And now they could go back to being casinos again.
So this is just a bipartisan effort to help small businesses.
I don't know what you're upset about.
So remember Countrywide, she said?
This is Elizabeth Warren talking about this.
She says, remember Countrywide?
Referring to the mortgage lender that became synonymous with the crisis.
It was about $200 billion, meaning Countrywide's assets were about, they're capitalized at $200 billion.
Which is smaller than some of the banks that will be deregulated by this bill.
So she's saying that one of the biggest, most egregious mortgage lenders that became synonymous with the crisis, Countrywide, would now be released from a company of that size, would now be released from the Dodd-Frank regulation under this new bill.
So in other words, I would no longer have protections.
Correct.
But it's just a bipartisan effort to reward good behavior.
Elizabeth Warren said the issue is whether or not senators are on the side of protecting the economy and taxpayers or on the side of giant banks.
Do we have to think about it?
So here are the Democrats.
So here are the Democrats, co-sponsors of this bill.
Senator Joe Donnelly from Indiana.
He's a Democrat.
Senator Heitkamp.
She's a Democrat.
She's a Democrat.
From North Dakota.
Senator John Tester.
He's a Democrat from Montana.
Why would people in Montana who voted for a Democrat want less regulations on the banks?
They don't.
They don't.
Senator Mark Warner.
Democrat from Virginia.
Senator Claire McCaskill.
Democrat from Missouri.
Senator Joe Manchin.
Democrat from West Virginia.
Senator Tim Kaine.
Senator Tim frickin Kaine.
And isn't that a quartet right there?
Warner McCaskill, Manchin and Tim Kaine.
And Tim Kaine.
That's a dinner party I'd say no thanks to.
Senator Peters from Michigan.
He's a Democrat.
Senator Bennett.
Michael F. Bennett.
Democrat from Colorado.
Senator Coons.
Christopher Coons.
Democrat from Delaware.
Senator Thomas Carper.
He's Rhode Island.
Can we do a drum roll for the last guy?
Oh, yeah, exactly.
I'm sorry.
Delaware.
And the last one.
Are you ready?
Democrat from Alabama.
Senator Doug Jones.
Who just got elected because the poorest black people in the state came out to support him.
And he just stuck it in their asses.
So this guy points this out.
Chad Bolt.
He points out the Democrats are supporting this bill.
And the CBO scored it.
And I went and read the CBO score.
And this guy summarizes it very well.
He said it increases the likelihood of bank failure plus taxpayer bailouts.
That's what this bill will do.
According to the CBO.
It will increase the likelihood of bank failure and...
and taxpayer bailouts it helps the biggest banks including the 250 billion plus maybe city and jp morgan and it adds 670 million to the deficit and all those democrats should be voted out of office no i think yes i think city and jp morgan are a little bigger and so they wouldn't be directly helped by this they're bigger than 250 billion,
but any bank under 250 billion no longer has to abide.
And those are huge 30 of the biggest 40 banks in the country.
So now here is Angel Padilla.
I don't know if you pronounce it that way.
I'm guessing.
He is from Indivisible, Indivisible, which now there's local chapters of Indivisible that suck hard, right?
Like the one in Debbie Wasserman Schultz's district.
But overall, they're supposed to be the resistance, indivisible, whatever.
And they're doing, so he's doing good work here.
So I'm going to tip of the hat to this guy, Angel Padilla, doing this.
He's doing good work.
He says the Senate has begun considering the Bank Lobbyist Act, which will make it more likely that we have a repeat of the 2008 financial crisis.
This is a core part of the Republican agenda, siding with big banks, corporations, and the wealthy at the expense of the rest of us.
Mitch McConnell, Republicans, and Donald Trump don't care about the enormous risk this creates for our country and for American families.
That's not surprising.
What is surprising is that the Democrats are pushing the Bank Lobbyist Act over the finish line.
Come on, is it surprising?
Is it surprising?
Not to me.
We're seeing something that we often see from Democratic leadership that might only be obvious to you if you've worked on the Hill or have covered the Hill.
Democratic leadership might be ostensibly opposed to this bill because Chuck Schumer is probably going to vote against it, but he's letting this bill pass.
Chuck Schumer is letting this bill pass.
And here's how.
Ready?
Democrats are in the minority, but they have tools that they can use to stop or at least slow down this bill.
The first is the vote on the motion to proceed, which has a 60-vote threshold.
That means that McConnell needs at least 10 Democrats to move on to this bill.
So to get this bill moving forward and voted on, he needs 10 Democrats to go along with him.
Mitch McConnell does.
The MTP is where the powerful minority leader could stop a bill they didn't like.
So the motion to proceed is where a powerful minority leader could stop a bill they didn't like if they wanted to.
In this case, Senator Schumer could ask his caucus to vote against the motion to proceed, and this would all be over.
Just like that.
He's the leader.
He says, this is what we're doing.
Vote against the motion to proceed.
But he's not asking Democrats to vote against the motion to proceed.
The question is, why not?
There are only two explanations, each equally damning.
First is that Schumer doesn't have control over his caucus, which is a bad place to be if you really want to be the majority leader.
It means that he can't ask for Democrats to vote against it because he knows they'll ignore him.
That's the first possibility.
He doesn't have any control over people, which is horrible.
Second is that Senator Schumer, not so secretly, wants this bill to pass.
He'll vote against it to provide cover for himself, but he'll do nothing to stop it from moving forward.
This is the most likely explanation.
So Chuck Schumer actually wants this to pass.
He knows he could stop it if he wanted.
So he tells his Wall Street pals, I'm going to vote against it, but you know you don't need my vote.
I'm going to allow the other corporate Democrats and red states to vote for it.
So it's all going to pass.
We're going to get it done, but I get to pretend like I'm on the side of the people.
Chuck Schumer, piece of shit, fighter against the people.
I'm going to go with option C on this one, actually.
I think it's all of the above.
I think it's that he.
Well, Angel Padilla says, and to be clear, Schumer won't even ask Democrats to withhold their votes on the motion to proceed as leverage to ensure that Democratic amendments, including an amendment to prevent racial discrimination and lending, get a vote.
He's not even going to do that.
This is awesome.
Right on the heel of DACA.
Again, go watch one of those lefty shows that wags their finger at the voter and people like me for not supporting Democrats.
Go ahead.
If you like, if that's what you think, go.
Go.
I don't even know what the fuck you're doing here.
So why would Schumer do this?
He's making the calculation that this bill brings him closer to becoming majority leader, that the bill allows moderate Democrats to raise campaign money from big banks, plus it helps secure their loyalty to him.
And there's your fucking resistance, selling out the American people at every turn.
Do you see why you can't vote for Democrats?
Do you see why it was important to vote for a third party?
Do you see why now it was important to vote for a third party?
Because things are only going to get worse.
And when the economy crashes again, they won't have the tools to fix it next time.
And then we're going to get a real right-wing demigod who knows what he's fucking doing and not some guy who shoots himself in the dick three times before he gets out of bed like Donald Trump.
Donald Trump is a gift.
He's an income poop gift.
Except the Democrats are in bed with them.
The Democrats are in bed with Trump.
The Democratic leadership is in bed with Trump.
The Democratic leadership is in bed with Trump.
Think about that next time somebody wags their finger at a Russian troll.
Think about that the next time somebody says the reason why we can't have nice things is because of Bernie Sanders and Jill Stein.
Think about that.
The Democrats already went along with an extra $80 billion a year in Pentagon spending that nobody wants without any debate.
And now they're going to deregulate Wall Street.
They're in bed with Trump.
The Democratic leadership in bed with Trump.
And people wag their finger at me.
People are angry at me, someone with no money and no power.
And still watch shows that give cover to this kind of bullshit.
It only gets worse for the Democrats.
Where is Tom Perez today?
Hey, Keith Ellison, you finally going to call out your own party for being corrupt?
Your own party for giving us Donald Trump?
You're going to maybe do that ever?
You're going to maybe address the fucking rigged primary that gave us Donald Trump, Keith Ellison?
Are you going to keep telling us to buck up?
This is your Democratic Party.
This is your Democratic Party.
And they're going to try and push Hillary Clinton and Tim Kaine on you fucking again.
And if it ain't them, it's going to be someone just like them.
Corey Booker or Kamala Harris or someone even fucking worse.
So I don't know.
I guess I'm going to guess all the people who wag their finger at me for voting for the Greens for a Green New Deal.
I bet they'll admit that they were wrong now, right, Ron?
You think they'll admit it?
Well, I don't know.
I mean, according to Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chuck Schumer might be doing this for leverage that he can cash in later in the year 20 never.
Yeah.
Well, now they have the ability for momentum.
Right, that's right.
The momentum.
They have the ability for momentum, of course.
That's what Debbie said.
So they won't even stand up when they're supposed to.
They won't.
Again, and if Hillary was president, she'd be doing the exact goddamn thing.
I get things done.
Yeah, shitty right-wing things done.
Hillary Clinton, who voted for the Iraq war, did Libya, voted to extend, voted to increase interest rates on credit cards for poor people at 35%.
That's Hillary Clinton.
So this is the problem.
This is why we have Trump.
This is the problem.
This is the problem.
This is why we have Trump.
It's not because of Twitter bots.
It's not because of emails.
It's not because of guys like Jimmy Dore or someone else with no money and no power.
It's because the powerful are colluding against you.
And then they get their useful idiots in the lefty press to do cover for them.
So if I got a chance to go on MSNBC, I would be screaming about Chuck Schumer getting in bed with Donald Trump and the Democratic leadership being in bed with the military-industrial complex and Donald Trump.
That's what I would talk about if I ever got a chance to go on MSNBC.
Now, if you know someone who does, maybe you encourage them to do that.
I don't get a chance to go on MSNBC because they're afraid of me.
And if you see a progressive on MSNBC, it's because they're not afraid of them.
They don't let real progressives on MSNBC.
They fire, they got rid of Jenk Uger.
They got rid of Phil Donahue.
They got rid of Ed Schultz.
They got rid of Ashley Banfield.
The only time they brought on Josh Fox was to wag their finger at him.
They don't bring on Thomas Frank anymore.
They don't bring on anybody who tells the truth about the left, which is why I don't get invited on.
Jen Huger doesn't get invited on.
Ron and Steph don't get invited on.
Real progressives don't get invited on MSNBC.
But if I did, but if I was a real, if I was invited, I would bring this up no matter what question that was asked, no matter what the segment was about.
I would talk about the Democrats being in bed with the military-industrial complex and Wall Street, and that's why we have Trump.
And because Chris Hayes gave an empty podium to Trump his whole show, he showed his empty podium while he shit on Bernie Sanders.
I would also bring that up.
That's why they'll never bring me on.
Chris Hayes invited Randy Credico on his show and immediately rescinded the invitation because he's a fucking weakling.
Chris Hayes is a corporate bot.
Talk about corporate capture of that guy's brain.
He's an ex-union reporter who's in bed with the neoliberals.
You wouldn't even know about West Virginia.
Okay, I'm done, I guess.
I could talk about this all day.
You know me.
I could talk about MSNBC, how fucked up the Democrats are, and how bad the left is, because that's what's got to change.
The Republicans have always been horrible.
The Democrats have always been horrible too, by the way.
In my lifetime, since I don't know.
I mean, LBJ, he gave us Medicare.
He did the civil rights.
Three million Southeast Asians had to die for that.
He had to do that for the military-industrial complex to give us Medicare and civil rights.
So here we are.
Now you know.
So why would Schumer do this?
Because he's your enemy.
Because he's not on board with workers.
Because he's in bed with Wall Street.
Because he's a megalomaniac, narcissistic prick who doesn't care about you.
That's why.
*Bell rings*
Resistance headquarters, Chuck Schumer speaking.
Hello, Senator Schumer.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Jimmy, how are you?
To what do I owe this increasingly regular pleasure talking to you on the horn?
I love it.
Let me guess.
You want to talk about Stormy Daniels.
What a piece of work, huh?
Talk about bazoongas.
I don't think Donnie Boy is going to get himself out of this one.
Points resisted.
Ah, so stupid.
Actually, Senator Schumer, I wanted to talk to you about the speech you gave last week at the AIPAC conference.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, I was curious about.
You know, though, I do have to say, I don't, I don't really care for this.
Care for what?
All this scrutiny on AIPAC, all these accusations about who they are and what they do.
It's all a little anti-Semitic.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah, a little bit.
A little bit.
Look, why don't you focus on other things?
Don't worry about that conference.
Why this focus?
Why the focus?
What?
Because APAC is an extremely powerful lobby that has great influence on public and foreign policy, and its dealings with powerful American politicians are worthy of the press's attention.
Okay, you say it like that, and it makes sense, but still, but still, it's anti-Semitism to ask questions or to question Israel.
Bully's eyes and ears.
Why don't they just go away?
Focus on Trump and the dumb things he says.
Don't you like funny things?
You're a comedian.
There's so much to make fun of there.
Stormy Daniels, look at her breasts instead of APAC and Israel.
Look at her breasts.
Yeah, I understand you and many of your colleagues want Trump and his shenanigans to be a giant distraction.
A few months ago, Kirsten Gillibrand and myself were this close to getting a bill passed which would have essentially criminalized the boycotting of Israel.
Yeah, right.
And it was withdrawn because it violated the First Amendment.
But, you know, it's insane you even put it forward in the first place.
You know what?
Who cares?
Israel is more important than the First Amendment.
The First Amendment isn't there to protect people who don't have Israel's best interests at heart.
You know, they have anti-defamation laws in Europe.
That's where I want us headed.
Criticize Israel, go to jail, you anti-Semite.
Quite frankly, if that shiksa gillibrand hadn't caved from public pressure, we might have gotten it through.
So, in your speech, you laid out the root reason in your opinion for the unrest between Israel and Palestine.
Can you relay that here?
Well, it's very simple: the land belongs to us, the Jews, not them.
And that is stated very clearly in the Torah.
It's right there.
But the Palestinians and the Arabs don't believe in the Torah.
They just straight up don't believe it.
Can you imagine such a thing?
So that's the problem.
Not the IDF, not the occupied territories, not the settlements, not the Gaza blockade, not any of that stuff.
It's the Torah.
Wow.
I know.
It really all does come down to belief in your book, doesn't it?
Your book, too, Jimmy.
The Torah is also the first five books of the Old Testament of the Christian Bible.
Yeah, that's not my book either.
I'm actually, you know, I don't believe in an external God.
Well, where do your morals come from?
Do you have any idea how insane this sounds and how maddening it is for us who don't have a dog in this superstitious fight to watch this lunacy influence our foreign policy?
Yes, I mean, once I say all this one-on-one to you, I know it seems a little bonkers.
I realize that.
But at APAC, it makes perfect sense.
You kind of have to be there.
Could I attend as a member of the press?
Sure, of course.
You just couldn't have attended the conference about Israel and the press.
That particular event was closed to the press.
So, if that is the root of the problem that Palestinians don't believe in the Torah and that they had been squatting on the land of others for centuries, then tell me, Chuck, what is the solution?
For them to start believing it.
Do you really foresee that happening?
Absolutely not.
Are you kidding?
No way.
So there's basically no solution.
Correct, Amundo.
And that is what APEC wants, isn't it?
Perpetual conflict.
The ideation of Israel as perpetually besieged is important to conservative Israelites and American Christians alike.
Okay, okay, here we go with the anti-Semitisms again.
All right, Archie Bunker, settle down.
Look, I'm getting a little tired of this, to be honest with you.
Why don't you avert your inquisitive gaze elsewhere, anywhere else?
I don't care where.
Stormy Daniels' boobs would be good.
Like I said, hey, you want to scrutinize a lobby who has politicians bought and paid for?
How about the NRA, huh?
Get a load of those guys.
Yeah, Senator Schumer, you publicly cry over American kids killed with guns, but what's your reaction to Palestinian kids lying dead on a Gaza beach, killed with American weapons?
They should have believed in the Torah.
Oh, that's harsh.
Hey, everybody, this is the part of the show where I usually tell you to go to our Amazon.com link.
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Click it.
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It's just that easy.
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Well, you can become a premium member.
You already know about that.
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We have a Patreon link.
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Patreon.com slash Jimmy Door.
Go there.
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And you know what matters more now than ever because our show has really blown up and gotten way more popular since we've been going on YouTube.
But we've gotten over a quarter million subscribers.
And so things are really happening.
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So they're funding independent news people like us.
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That's why we're offering a premium.
That's why we offer the Amazon, all these different ways.
And plus, we have the t-shirts.
We have all these different ways where you can help support the Jimmy Door show.
So thanks for doing that.
And if you're more comfortable with Patreon, use our Patreon link.
If you're more comfortable using our PayPal, become a premium member.
So there's lots of different ways to support the show.
Thank you for doing that.
Now let's get on to the second half.
You know, Bill O'Reilly called me drunk and he left a series of messages on my phone machine.
And so I'm just going to play some of them for you now.
Here we go.
Hey, everybody.
Are you sick to death of talking in your shirts?
Are your hands raw from the constant process of having to slide a piece of cloth into your pants?
Are you exhausted from spending all day having to talk in your shirt when you could have trained to be a professional dancer?
Does your family mock you every minute of the day?
Do people throw dirt cloths at your head?
Were you left out of your grandmother's will?
Do you have a rash on your left thigh?
Well, I was once like you.
That is until I discovered on talk it shirts.
Now, every morning, I just put on a shirt and walk out of my house.
What's my secret?
No pants.
Without any pants, you don't have to talk in your shirts.
Order from Ontario now, and we'll throw in a non-existent pair of pants so you won't ever have to talk in your damn shirt again.
It's just that simple.
But enough about me refusing to wear pants in public.
Here's drunk Bill O'Reilly leaving messages on my outdated message machine.
He just calls.
He just calls and leaves these.
He called again.
Here's another one.
Here's another one.
Door, 40-door-door, door.
I admit there may have been a time following my leave of absence at Fox when I wasn't irrelevant to any current events, except that sexual assault stuff.
But now that's all changed since I said something completely stupid and outrageous.
Here it is, ready?
Mm-hmm.
The media is using kids for anti-gun commentary in the Florida shooting thing.
And it is exploitative and cruel.
There I said it.
It's all part of my hero's character arc in my journey.
Tough with fair analysis.
So suck it.
Oh, my God.
There's a shooter outside my house.
Whoops.
It was the poor guy.
And oh, man, I nearly my pants.
Good thing I had a loaded pistol somewhere.
Where is that thing anyway?
Oh, there she is, right where I left it in my liquor cabinet.
My thoughts and prayers are with the National Rifle Association of International House of Pancakes.
Hey, Dor, ever notice at the International Rifle Association of Pancakes, how there's always arm hair stuck to tables?
Tip of the day, it's a syrup.
I'm telling you, Bill O'Reilly is drunk and he won't stop calling.
These are just he's there's more.
Do you want to hear it?
There's more.
There's more phone calls.
Okay, ready?
Here's some more drunk Bill O'Reilly.
Oh my God, there's a shoe outside my house.
And that's it.
And then he hangs up and then he calls back.
I'm not kidding.
This is what he's been doing.
He did it all last night and he calls back.
Whoops, it was the other pool guy.
I got two pool guys.
Oh, yeah.
I got two pools.
I got two pools.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man.
I nearly my pants.
Good thing I had a loaded pistol somewhere.
Where's that thing anyway?
Oh, here she is.
Right where I left it in my big box of crack cocaine.
And then he hangs up.
And I don't know.
I didn't even know Bill O'Reilly did cocaine.
That's like, that's kind of a revelation right there.
That's probably that's a little slipsy.
When he's drunk, he lets us know he does cocaine.
That's not good.
But he just keeps calling back.
I'm not kidding.
This is what Bill O'Reilly does.
When he gets hammered, he calls the Jimmy to the door and he leaves me drunk messages.
Here he goes.
He called back.
You think I'm kidding?
Here's another one.
All I'm saying is nothing good will ever come from the Parkwood shooting as long as parents and family members continue to be angry about it.
Parkland.
What?
It's the Parkland shooting, not Parkwood.
Wait a sec.
How can I be talking to you if this is just your answering machine?
It's because you're drunk, Bill.
Oh, tip of the day when emotions are running high.
Think things through.
It's still okay to scream obscenities on the set of your TV show, but not when your kids get killed at school.
BillO'Reilly.com has all the facts.
Oh my God, there's a pool guy outside my house.
So that is Bill O'Reilly calling in drunk.
Now, I appreciate when he calls in drunk because you get a real insight into his thinking.
He's not as guarded.
He kind of lets his guard down.
We get to see the inside of the crazy mind of Bill O'Reilly.
But, you know, nothing is going to happen because of these guns.
So that's why we do comedy sketches about it.
Nothing is going to happen.
In fact, if you want to know what's really going to happen, what's going to happen is someone's going to invent little kitty bulletproof vests.
And then they're going to sell that to everybody who has a kid in school.
And kids are going to go to school in bulletproof vets.
And somebody selling bulletproof vests is going to make a billion dollars.
So instead of fixing the problem, which is caused by capitalism's capture of our democracy, that's why we still have assault rifles.
And any mental patient in the world can buy one if they want in the United States.
That's called, this is called late-stage capitalism.
This is what's happening.
So instead of fixing the problem, our kids literally, there literally are, they are now marketing blankets that you can buy for your kid, a blanket that's bulletproof, and they can bring it to school.
That's what's happening right now.
So as sad as our drunk Bill O'Reilly phone calls are, our culture is actually sadder.
Actually, much, much sadder.
It's like we've given up, isn't it?
Yeah.
Shut up.
Vote for the two-party system.
Nobody can have a voice outside that two-party system.
And both of our parties are pro-gun and pro-war and pro-Wall Street and pro-oil and pro-Big Pharma and pro-blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Welcome to late stage capitalism.
I'm here with the miserable liberal of Rob Placone.
I'm still miserable.
Honey.
Yes.
So Barack Obama is going to build his presidential library in Chicago, right?
That's where I'm from, Chicago.
And he's going to do it on the south side of Chicago.
And when I heard that, I was like, why?
I bet that'll be good for the neighborhood.
When I heard that, I was like, I bet that'll be good for the neighborhood.
And then I thought, well, it'll be good for the neighborhood if they do it right.
If they make sure that people don't get displaced because of it.
If they make sure that the jobs go to the people who are local, the jobs go to minorities, the jobs, and that it creates some jobs.
And it helps the community.
It doesn't just gentrify the community.
You see what I'm saying?
So it doesn't just displace because most of the people in the neighborhood, it's called the Woodlawn neighborhood, where this library is going to go are renters.
Right?
So they're not owners.
This is a poor neighborhood.
And they're renters.
So Barack Obama actually addressed this.
He was giving a speech the other day, and he talked about this.
Let's hear a little bit of it.
Are benefiting from.
And I know that I heard a couple people say, well, we're concerned about my maybe rents might go up.
Rents might go up.
He heard a couple people, a couple people.
First of all, there are citizens' action groups all across the city that are pushing back against this, including the faculty at the University of Chicago.
But he heard a few people saying that their rents might go up.
Well, I don't know.
Let's go to let's go to a real estate website that sells stuff in Chicago.
Woodlawn home values soar as Obama Library draws new interest to area.
Wow.
He heard a few people say rents might go up.
Turns out the real estate guys know that the home values have soared.
Redfin reported that between February and July, Woodlawn had the third highest increase in estimated home values compared to that of its metro area in the country.
There's a few people, I've heard a few people say they're afraid the rents might go up.
That's the neoliberal bullshit.
That's what Barack Obama is giving you right now.
It doesn't end that he's out of office.
If he really cared about anything, he would be working on stuff.
Jimmy Carter is still building homes for homeless people.
If he cared, he'd be in West Virginia, putting on a soft shoe with those teachers or Oklahoma.
If he cared, he'd go to Flint and make sure maybe he took some of his $85 million that he's worth and gave those people some water that he didn't take care of when he was president.
So now he says that he's heard from a few people.
So he's just lying and bullshitting you and gaslighting you, which is what neoliberals do.
And Barack Obama is the chief neoliberal.
So let's go back to his stupid speech.
Well, here's the thing: is that like if you go in the sub neighborhoods of Chicago where there are no jobs, no businesses, and nothing's going on.
So this is Barack Obama setting up a false dichotomy.
Because things are bad somewhere, that means we can just do this gentrification thing that hurts people and communities pushing back against it.
So he's, again, this is him setting up a false dichotomy.
And you know, Jimmy, I just really have to point out that he was in office for eight years without a jobs program.
And what, Steph, we're going to get to that.
Of course, that's exactly what this is about.
He was president for eight years.
You want to help the south side of Chicago?
Maybe that was the time to do it.
Maybe a jobs program, building infrastructure.
You know, when you had complete control of government in 2009, remember that?
In 2010, remember that?
You had complete control of government and you had a filibuster-proof Senate for a few months, too.
Could have did anything you wanted.
So let's get back to his stupid speech.
Nothing's going on.
In some cases, the rent's pretty cheap.
But our kids are also getting shot on that block.
Yeah, but if it was the Middle East, you would drone them.
See, it's either you have what I'm offering you or your kids are going to get shot on that block.
This is what he's doing.
This is his argument, literally, for gentrification.
So what I want to do is make sure that people have jobs, kids have opportunity, the schools have a better tax base.
And someday I hope to be in a position of power to make that stuff happen.
Hopefully someday I can do something about the tax base and the south side of Chicago, the education kids get.
Remember me and Arnie Dunker, Duncan, we applied corporatism to education.
We had competition.
Remember, Race to the Top?
It was all BS.
It was about pushing people to charter schools and gutting the teachers' union.
Yeah, right.
So here he is trying to tell people he's actually trying, he's going to help people.
Dude, you were president for eight years.
Hey, at least he brought more vegetables into the schools.
And by vegetables, I mean pizza.
If the rent goes up a little bit.
A little bit.
I already showed you the biggest increase in home prices in the country in the top three where he's putting his library because of it.
If it goes up a little bit.
People can pay it because they got more money.
What?
See, he's saying that his library is going to bring jobs to the community.
And if rents go up a little bit, people can pay it because they have more money.
Well, let's just hear the rest of this, and then I'll give you the rest of the story.
Okay.
If they're seniors, if they're on fixed incomes, if they're disabled, then we got to make sure that there's a process in place to encourage and plan for affordable housing units to be constructed there.
Yeah, yeah, there should be one in place.
There isn't.
And we got to make sure there is, but there isn't one.
And in case something like this happens, we got to make sure that we encourage affordable housing.
Why are you already encouraging affordable housing?
Why are you going to make, why do you have to pretend like, well, in the future, if some crazy scenario happens, we have to make sure that we have a thing.
Am I overreacting to this?
I'm surprised they don't just want to make sure that there's access to housing.
Hey, there's access to the mortgage is like 10 times higher than what I was expecting.
Yeah, but I mean, it's there.
You could buy it.
You really, yes, it could.
It's there.
You have access to, there's a bank that accesses you.
You know, when I'm listening to this, Jimmy, and I just, it feels like he isn't even that convinced what he's saying.
No, he's mealy mouthing this whole thing.
Let's look.
You're right, Steph.
Good observation.
So here's the one thing I will say.
I think a lot of times people get nervous about gentrification.
A lot of times people get nervous about gentrification.
A lot of times people, he makes it sound like a lot of times people don't know what they're talking about and they get nervous about gentrification.
That's what he said.
A lot of times people get nervous.
You mean rightfully so?
You mean rightfully so?
Do you mean rightfully so?
Okay, here we go.
Now he's going to talk about gentrification, but instead of talking about gentrification, he's going to tell you some random story about himself that has nothing to do with anything.
You think I'm kidding?
So now the word gentrification has been spoken.
People are afraid of it.
Here's what Barack Obama says about it.
Understandably so.
But what I will also say is this.
I first came to Chicago in 1985 and was on the south side for, let's do the math real quick, 20 some years.
It's funny.
Before moving to Washington, because of the presidency.
Because of the presidency.
I just want to remind everybody, you know, I was president.
I did that because there was the presidency.
I had to go do that.
You know how I had to do the presidency.
By the way, he did say that people get afraid that the rents will of gentrification.
And then he did say rightfully so.
So I'll give him credit for saying rightfully so after that.
It is not my experience during that time that the big problem on the south side has been too much development.
Again, that says, again, he's the straw man.
Now neoliberals move to a straw man.
No one's saying there's too much development on the south side of Chicago.
That's not what people are saying.
He knows it.
Again, he's mealy mouthing because he knows he's bullshitting, right?
Yes.
Too much economic activity.
Too many people being displaced.
So that's all the video I have from that.
I found that video on Twitter and it made me start looking into this.
I'm like, oh, wait a minute.
Let me look.
So I saw this, him talking about this in such a disingenuous way.
I was like, I wonder what's going on with the Barack Obama library.
So that's when I went to that real estate website and I found out what the real estate people are saying.
You saw what they're saying.
It's the biggest boom ever.
And this is from Politico.
Meet the community organizers fighting against Barack Obama, a community organizer.
The library is a great idea, but what about community benefit agreements, CBAs, community benefit agreements.
Taylor asked.
Taylor is a community activist, referring to a contract between a developer and a community organization that requires investments in or hiring from a neighborhood where a project is built.
That's called the CBAs, community benefits agreement.
The first time investments come to black communities, the first to get kicked out is low-income and working-class people.
Why wouldn't you sign a CBA to protect us?
So this woman, Taylor, is a community activist on the South Side.
She went to a hearing in Chicago where they were allowed to talk about the, they were going to give public questions.
Turns out Barack Obama was on a video there, and you could ask your question directly to Barack Obama.
This woman did not know that she was going to be able to ask Barack Obama directly.
She says this directly to him.
She says the library is a great idea, but what about community benefits agreements?
And she says to him, the first time investment comes to black communities, the first to get kicked out is low-income and working-class people.
Why wouldn't you sign a CBA to protect us?
She says that to Barack Obama.
I'm having some connectivity problems.
I can't understand your question.
I can't hear.
I'm sorry.
Michael Wolfe and I have the same ear priest.
Fire and fury.
Fire and fury.
Trump is bad.
Russia, see you.
Got to go to Italy.
Got to go to Italy.
So here's what has.
So here's what Obama said.
Back.
She literally got to ask Barack, say that to Barack Obama.
Why wouldn't you sign a CBA to protect us?
She literally got to say that to him.
Barack Obama, this is how it's in Politico.
Barack Obama was measured as always.
He began by telling Taylor, quote, I was a community organizer.
That's not the question.
That's not the question.
Then he said, I know the neighborhood.
I know that the minute you start saying, well, we're thinking about signing something that will determine who's getting jobs and contracts and this and that.
Next thing I know, I've got 20 organizations coming out of the woodwork.
Okay, that's still not what she's asking.
Why didn't you sign the CBAs?
The answer infuriated Taylor, who pays $1,000 a month for a woodlawn apartment she shares with her mother and two children, and is worried that the Obama Center's cachet will drive up neighborhood rents.
Months later, she's still furious at the former president.
Isn't that something?
Fake community organizer Barack Obama.
Neoliberal bullshitter Barack Obama.
Jimmy, let me give a little background information.
Initially, it was supposed to be a library.
It was supposed to be just a library.
And then it morphed into a 20-acre private center that will include a presidential center and include a sledding hill and women's garden and a sports center.
Okay.
No wonder they're worried about this.
He's got a lot of nerves saying that, Taylor told me.
He's forgotten who he is.
He forgot the community got him where he is.
That's a woman from the South.
That's a black woman from the South Side of Chicago saying that about Barack Obama.
Since 2016, more than a dozen local groups, a dozen local groups, neighborhood organizations, labor unions, tenants' right activists have come together to form the Obama Library Southside Community Benefits Coalition, which is pushing the library to account for local needs.
At the University of Chicago, where Obama once taught at the law school, more than 100 faculty members signed a letter in January supporting the demands of local organizers.
It's up to 200 now.
Now it's up to 200.
Although the Obama Foundation has signed a private agreement with its contractors that guarantees minority hiring, local activists say it doesn't provide enough public oversight of the project or address the issue of gentrification.
It's an ongoing battle that activists have taken all the way to Mayor Rahm Emanuel's office, and that may have implications for next year's aldermanic elections.
Obama now finds himself on the receiving end of the same demands his younger self once made to crusty Chicago politicians.
He derided as ward healers.
The contract that community organizers are demanding, the community benefits agreement, would require the city to freeze property taxes within a two-mile radius of the Obama Center, guarantee a significant guaranteed set-aside of new housing for low-income housing in the area surrounding the center.
It would also require the foundation to establish a trust fund for nearby public schools and small businesses and mandate that 80% of library construction jobs go to Southside residents.
So this is what they want from the president.
Back when Barack Obama was a community organizer, a project was known as a peace.
His successful campaign to pressure the Chicago Housing Authority into removing asbestos from Alt Good Gardens at the Ida B. Wells homes was the asbestos peace.
Obama even chartered a school bus to Housing Authority headquarters where he, where Alt-Red Regidence sat in the hallway outside the director's office insisting he visit the projects.
He did.
Coalition organizers believe their campaign is exactly the kind of peace Obama himself would have worked on when he was in their position 30 years ago.
But that was then before Harvard, before politics, before the presidency.
For them, Obama has gone from sticking it to the man to being the man.
Of course, he would have done the same thing before, she says, but now he's part of the establishment.
So now you know the rest of the story.
So now you know Barack Obama's neoliberalism does not stop after he gets out of the presidency.
It's still going.
You want to know why you got Trump?
How about those people have no fucking jobs?
How about that?
How about there's a woman worried about her $1,000 a month rent going up and Barack Obama tells her to go fucking pound sand?
Because if I try to help you, I have 20 different organizations coming out of the woodwork.
Yeah.
And you know what you're supposed to do?
You're supposed to fucking deal with them.
That's what you're supposed to do.
You neoliberal son of a bitch.
You're supposed to deal with them, not dismiss them.
This is why we have Trump, you fucking assholes.
This is why Barack Obama's in a position to help people.
And guess what?
He's not.
You have to twist Barack Obama's arm to get him to frickin take care of people in his own neighborhood.
I think we just need to build my goddamn center and let both sides play out.
Well, you know, this is public lands.
Like this area is historic lands that they want to protect, which is, I think, also interesting.
And he fails to even say anything about that.
Like, I'm protecting these lands.
But one article from the Washington Examiner, it states that they're going to have to get approval from the Environmental Protection Agency under the National Environmental Policy Act.
And they don't really know how Trump's administration will approve this or not.
Ha, ha.
Ha ha.
See, when you're a shitty president for eight years and you turn your back on your own people and you turn your back on your own neighborhood and you turn your back on workers and you get in bed with Wall Street and management, that's why we get Trump.
And they ain't stopping.
They're not.
This isn't stopping.
They're not stopping.
Right now, the Democrats in the Senate are teaming up with Republicans to deregulate Wall Street again.
Right now.
People are hurting in this goddamn country.
And guys like Barack Obama don't give a fuck.
Nor does his wife.
He's not doing a goddamn thing.
This is the reason you got Trump because of such a shitty neoliberal president like him.
That's why you have Trump.
It's not because of Jill Stein or 13 Twitter bots from Russia.
It's because this establishment sucks this hard.
He won't even take care of the people in his own goddamn south side of Chicago neighborhood.
Dismisses people who are afraid they're going to lose their housing.
Dismisses them.
That's a guy worth $85 million, Barack Obama.
Wow.
He was poor, got in government.
Now he's worth $85 million.
As Harry Truman says, the only people who get rich in government are criminals.
Hey, Brock, why don't you go do another speech for a bank and then tell me about how you care about workers?
Why don't you go open up the Arctic to drilling again and tell me how you care about the environment?
Why don't you go let the cops shoot off someone's arm in North Dakota and then tell me about how you care about protesters.
Let cops crack the head of Occupy Wall Street people across the country and then you tell me you care about freedom of speech and fairness in our economic system.
It doesn't end.
His neoliberalism is not ending.
So go ahead and blame Jimmy Doer for Donald Trump because it's too hard for your weak mind to accept the real cause of Donald Trump.
And the real cause of Donald Trump is neoliberalism and Barack Obama was the chief executive of neoliberalism for eight years.
Made the banks bigger, gave us a right-wing giveaway to healthcare people, a plan, that's his plan, was a giveaway to a big pharma and healthcare, left 30 million people uninsured.
That's Barack Obama.
No price controls whatsoever.
The reason why the West Virginia teachers are striking is because their health insurance premiums are going up and they can't afford them.
And the reason why that's happening is because when Barack Obama had complete control of government and a filibuster-proof Senate, he decided to not even give us a public option.
He decided to give us a right-wing giveaway to Big Pharma and the healthcare, which still screws over everybody.
And he's okay with screwing over everybody if he can make it look like he's not.
I'm a little bit less shitty than Donald Trump.
This is what lefty news organizations should be talking about.
Neoliberalism and the cancer that it is.
And why we got Trump.
But they're not.
I just saw the head of a lefty news organization tweet out today bragging he's doing three Russia stories on his show today.
Meanwhile, people on south side of Chicago are afraid they're going to lose their fucking house.
And you wonder why we got Trump?
Real easy to wag your finger and voter shame because you don't have the courage or integrity to accept why Hillary Clinton isn't fucking president.
And the reason why we have such a shit system and the biggest income inequality since the fucking mid-ages is because of guys like Barack Obama and Rah Emmanuel and Goldman Sachs and Chuck Schumer and Nancy fucking Pelosi.
But go ahead.
No, no, it's it's it's it's I'm sure it's somebody's fault with no money and no power.
Barack Obama will let you tell the problem on the south side is the act of 20 activist organizations who come out of the woodwork.
That's the problem.
Not another neoliberal giveaway.
All right, I'm done.
Oh, that's George Clooney on the line.
I wonder if he's going to call me champ and ask me how's it hanging.
Hey, champ, how's it hanging?
George, see you.
Ah!
Hi, George.
How are you, buddy?
I once tried out to be an outfielder on the Cincinnati Reds, but was cut in the first round.
Sounds tough.
Not going to lie to you, Jimmy Jam.
It was rough going for a while.
But I was able to get through it.
How?
By becoming insanely rich and famous.
I mean, everything I touch turns to freaking gold, L7.
Hey, you don't mind if I call you L7, do you?
We got work to do, you and I, right?
Like what?
Yeah, like what?
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to jimmydorkomedy.com.
Sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Hey, today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Zamorano, Frank Conniff, and Mike McRae.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
That's it for this week.
Until next week, we'll see you March 26th in Austin.
New show added.
And March 30th in Burbank, California.
Until then, you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't bring out.
Don't don't.
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