All Episodes
Previous Next
Jan. 13, 2018 - Jimmy Dore Show
59:45
20180113_0111_TJDS_PODCAST
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show Is this Michael Douglas?
Who's this, Michael Douglas?
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
This is Michael Douglas.
Oh, hey, Michael Douglas.
Thanks for calling.
What's on your mind, buddy?
Well, as you may know, I am the latest in a string of male celebrities being accused of sexual misconduct in one form or another.
Oh, wow.
I didn't even know about this one.
Right.
And it's ironic because I co-starred with Demi Moore in the early 90s thriller disclosure about female-on-male sexual harassment.
And here I am being accused in real life of male-on-female sexual harassment.
I'm not sure that counts as irony exactly.
Well, it's connected somehow, Jimmy.
Regardless, it's worth pointing out.
Why are you calling exactly?
Well, these accusations haven't been made publicly yet, but I am aware of their nature, and I am trying the alternate strategy of getting out in front of them.
Oh, I see.
I feel that if you can get out in front of these accusations and block the door, so to speak, then they can't leave.
A former employee of my production company has accused me of sexual misconduct, which I unequivocally deny.
However, she has also accused me of using quote-unquote coarse language, and that charge I do admit to.
Really?
Well, of course, after all, I am Michael Douglas.
I'm the guy who publicly claimed that I got cancer from eating.
Okay, okay.
Yes, we get it.
That phone call's in the door archives.
Right.
Yeah, well, what kind of language are we talking about?
Inappropriate for the workplace language?
Well, I suppose I'd have to admit, yes.
I'd probably be fired from the company if it weren't my own.
But it wasn't harassing language directed at anybody, just coarse.
Coarse?
Yes, for example, if I saw an attractive woman in a commercial, I'd say, you know, boy, I'd sure like to her or something to that effect.
Yeah, I guess not appropriate for the workplace, but not the end of the world.
And then I'd start screaming, who the fuck is that?
I need to know now.
And then I'd command my personal assistant, Barbara, to find out who she is.
Okay.
And then I'd say, I'm going to need to her right in her before sundown tonight, or I'm going to tear a hole in these slacks.
And there would be people around while this is going on, like for a production meeting or something like that.
Yeah, I see.
Don't you think.
And then I'd start really yelling at Barbara, really laying into her, saying, I need you to find out information about her and her measurements, details.
Is she into stuff?
Is she willing to if all the proper precautions are met?
I want pictures of her feet.
Find her, get her all scrubbed up for me.
Does she have a friend who looks just like her?
Sometimes women do stuff like that.
Okay, this is not.
And then, and then I'd yell, I'm going to her so hard she won't remember where the back of her head is.
Barbara, if there's time, administer the Fletcher Dunnegan flexibility test to her beforehand.
I want to make sure she can without straining a ligament.
And Barbara, in case the ligament is pulled anyway, pull up the proper paperwork and have her sign it beforehand so our asses are legally covered.
Wow.
Yeah, and all this is being said before the Toyota-thon commercial is even over.
At this point, I'm naked and gathering up all the lotions and lubricants that I'll need.
At that point, I'd be in a sexual frenzy to the point where all business interactions would have ceased and people would uncomfortably leave.
Honestly, when I'm in these states, I don't imprint short-term memories of any kind.
You know how it is.
How what is behaving this way in front of my employees?
Right.
No.
Are you telling me you've never ended a workday because a single image sent you into an all-consuming lust storm, completely negating your ability to entertain a non-sexual thought for a nanosecond?
No, Michael, I try to remain professional always.
Also, I have better control over my faculties than that.
Hmm.
Okay.
So you're saying this isn't normal?
Not at all.
Right.
Well, I've been in show business my whole life.
I've never known what a normal office behavior looks like.
Well, I'm glad I called you first, to be honest, before I hit the morning talk shows.
You think I should clean this story up a bit?
Yeah, absolutely.
Can I tell the part about how I have special paper weights in my office that I bite down on if I catch a glimpse of no?
I wouldn't.
Should I show Savannah Guthrie my for reference purposes?
Absolutely not.
fuck off.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
Minded, lowly loved lefties.
The kind of people that are comments may be on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk when you're TVA.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
Yeah.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door Show reminder.
February 16th, that's a Friday.
That's the next live Jimmy Door show in Burbank, California.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a league for tickets.
February 16th, that's a Friday night.
See you there.
Hey, let's get to the joke before we get to the jokes.
Arizona Senate candidate Joe Arpaio is 85 years old.
Did you know that?
He's running.
He's going to run for Senate in Arizona.
Joe Arpairo, he's 85 years old, but he has the spirit and energy of a hateful criminal racist half his age.
Yes, that's right.
Joe Arpaio, a senile, racist, convicted felon, is running for Arizona Senate.
Too bad He's not a confessed pedophile, also, because the Democrats might actually have a chance of barely beating him.
They're still doing it, by the way.
They're still blaming Hillary Clinton's loss on sexual bias.
That's kind of like not admitting you chose a really shitty candidate.
Democrats are now super pissed at Oprah now that she's stolen Hillary Clinton's thunder by appearing slightly less out of touch than Hillary is.
What's coming up on today's show?
Well, Amazon.
Hey, how do you think their employees are doing?
The answer just may surprise you, or will it?
Turns out not so good.
Plus, Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats join Trump in taking away your privacy, freedom, liberty, and constitutional rights.
Hashtag Mick Resistance.
That's coming up.
Plus, would Oprah make a good president?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
We're going to check it out.
Does neoliberalism make a good president?
That's included.
Plus, Chuck Schubert comes out strongly against single payer.
Plus, phone calls today for Michael Douglas, Bernie Sanders, and Chris Christie.
Plus, a lot more.
Oh, by the way, here's Rick Perry to tell you about a funny comedy show happening in Texas.
Hey, what's going on, Jimmy Dorfans?
This is former governor of Texas, Rick Perry.
If you're like me, you like to support the arts and the art scene in Texas, specifically in Austin.
You can see the Jimmy Door shows on Matt McRae, headlining Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, on Wednesday, January 24th at 8 p.m.
Go online to CapCityComedy.com.
More information about that.
I'll certainly be there.
And you should go.
You know, it's going to be a lot fine.
I'm going to take some muscle relaxers and go to slap my ass off.
So you should be there too.
God bless you.
And God bless the current governor, who I call Hot Wheels.
Okay, so go see Mike in Austin.
And all that's coming up today on The Jimmy Dore Show.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, everybody.
So, you know, predatory capitalism pays well.
If you eliminate your competition, you operate at a loss, you manipulate the tax laws in different states so you can undermine brick and mortar stores.
Well, guess what happens then?
Guess what happens?
Jeff Bezos, richest person in history of the world.
Richer than any king in the history of the world.
Richer than anybody.
There it is.
Predatory capitalist and owner of the Washington Post.
So this guy is literally, and he looks like Dr. Evil.
He shaves his head so he can go like this.
So he's worth over $100 billion.
$100 billion.
So if you spent a billion dollars a week, oh my God, think about how much money that is.
He couldn't spend it all in a year.
So there he is, the richest person in the world.
And you know how they do it, right?
Again, like I said, predatory capitalism.
They get rid of unions.
They undermine the tax bases in local municipalities.
They squeeze, they bribe politicians.
And that's why he bought the Washington Post so he can keep influencing politicians, politics.
He's also on the board of Pentagon.
He's on a Pentagon.
He's in bed with the Penn it fucking gone.
And he's in bed with the CIA to the tune of $600 million a year.
And the Washington Post doesn't seem to have a critical story of him.
Isn't that weird?
It's like if Trump bought the Washington Post and they never wrote a negative story about it.
That's what Trump should have did because it only cost $200 million.
His deal with the CIA is worth three times that or $250, whatever he paid for.
It wasn't much.
It wasn't much.
The guy's worth $100 billion.
And so why do I bring this up?
Well, this is from the Columbus Dispatch.
Amazon makes a list of large companies with workers receiving food stamps.
So how do you make the richest man in the world the richest man in the world on the backs of poverty wages by exploiting people, not giving people a living wage?
That's how you do it.
You think some of that, if he took $50 billion and spread it around his company, I bet everybody could have a living wage from now until the year 2500.
But that's not how capitalism works.
Capitalism works like this.
One guy gets all the money and all the people who generate it get fucked.
And that's what's happening.
Amazon has become one of Ohio's largest employers after receiving tens of millions of dollars in state tax incentives, really, for building warehouses, data centers, and other projects along the way.
I wonder how much they had to bribe politicians to get those tax incentives.
I wonder how much money they bribed because that's how Jeff Bezos does his business by bribing people and creating monopolies.
That's what makes you a good businessman.
Well, Jimmy, let's not forget there are about five cities right now doing the exact same thing, trying to, you know, outbid the other one to get Amazon to have a presence in their town.
I wonder if they're going to see this article.
I wonder if they're going to see how it's working out for Ohio.
Let's have Amazon come and lower our standard of living because that's what they do.
Now, the online giant has quickly made its way onto another list, one charting the state's employers with the most workers and their family members who also qualify for food stamps.
So this is the world we're in now since Ronald Reagan, since 1980, when they started supply-side trickle-down economics.
And well, it started with Jimmy Carter getting rid of the regulation around trucking, Ted Kennedy getting rid of the regulations around airlines, Ronald Reagan firing the PATCO, the air traffic controllers, decimating unions, and Democrats going right along with it and not standing up.
Well, 30, 40 years later, what's the result?
The result is we have a two-tiered society.
We have no middle class anymore.
We have rich and poor.
63% of the country can't afford a $1,000 emergency in the richest country in the world.
This is the result.
And everybody applauded Jeff Bezos.
Great job.
I love Jeff.
Jeff Bezos is what's wrong with the goddamn economy.
Jeff Bezos is what's wrong.
And the people who prop him up.
I would like to see a reporter at the Washington Post write a critical story about Jeff Bezos.
And they won't because they're ballless.
They get into journalism to do fucking journalism.
And what they're really doing is chasing a paycheck.
They still get to write good stories, but not about the main guy.
It's like, hey, you can come write stories about Nazi Germany, but nothing about Hitler.
Okay?
That's what's going on at the Washington Post.
And they're the ones that people think we need to look to to oppose Trump.
We need to oppose Jeff Bezos.
We need a newspaper to stand up to Jeff Bezos.
This is what happens to your country when you let motherfuckers like Jeff Bezos own the paper of note, bribe every goddamn politician, and create monopolies.
Do you know half of all internet purchases in the United States go through Amazon.com?
You don't think we should break that up?
I do, but we ain't going to do it because the Democrats and Republicans worship corporate power.
We don't have a government anymore that represents people.
This is not a democracy.
How many times we have to tell you they've studied this?
It's an oligarchy.
What we want has no effect on the policies passed.
Perfect example, gun legislation.
After Sandy Hook, 90% of The country wanted gun legislation.
We didn't get it.
80% of the people wanted a public option.
We didn't get it.
Over half the country wants Medicare for all.
We ain't getting it.
What do you call that?
You call that an oligarchy.
That's not a democracy.
That's not a government that reflects the will of the people.
It's the exact opposite.
It screws over the will of the people at the behest of money.
And Jeff Bezos, people can't line up to kiss his balls hard enough.
Amazon had 1,400.
This is the story in America.
And it's not being told by the Washington Post.
It's not being told by the New York Times.
It's not being told.
Here it is.
We got a local paper, the Columbus Dispatch.
They're going to tell it.
And Amazon had 1,430 workers and family members receiving benefits as of August, the group said Friday.
A typical food stamp beneficiary receives benefits for about two people, meaning Amazon likely has about 700 workers receiving food stamps, more than 10% of its Ohio workforce.
The richest guy in the world, the people who make his profits are in poverty.
Nobody has a problem with that.
Nobody says, hey, that's kind of effed up.
Maybe we should.
I'm sure Rachel Maddow and Chris Hazer, because Chris Hayes is an old union reporter.
I bet he's going to be screaming about it.
No.
To be eligible for food stamps, a family of three could make no more than $26,208 a year or about $12.60 an hour for someone working 40 hours a week.
Oh my God.
So someone working for the richest capitalist in the history of the world doesn't even make $12.60 an hour.
Yep.
That's pretty.
There's a little bit more to this.
Walmart, the state's top private employer with 50,000 workers, also has the most employees and their families getting food stamps.
So our big employers, so it used to be when I grew up, Sears Roebuck was the big employer, Sears, right?
And guess what?
Sears did.
It paid a living wage to every person who worked at their goddamn store because we used to have this idea that workers got to have a living wage in America and they got to participate and enjoy some of the profits of their labor.
That stopped in 1980, coincidentally.
That stopped.
So that is no longer.
When I was a kid, you could go be a guy who sold shoes at Sears and make a living and have a family and a car and go on two weeks' vacation every year.
You could sell appliances.
You could sell lawn equipment.
You could sell men's suits.
You could do all that stuff at Sears and make a living wage.
Now you work at Walmart.
It's the worst job in the goddamn city.
The biggest employer gives you slave wages, poverty.
Hey, you want to come work for us and be in poverty?
That's our big success.
That's capitalism's big success stories.
Walmart and Bezos, Amazon.
Those are capitalism's big success stories.
What does it tell you about capitalism?
It's fucked up.
And here's a guy, Dylan Radigan, who I love, who told the truth about the banks on MSNBC.
So he's got to do his news reports from a dock on a lake.
And here's even he can't help.
I love Dylan.
He can't help giving a tongue bath to Jeff Bezos.
Jeff Bezos is not a good guy.
Jeff Bezos is the face of evil right now.
You remember what Amazon would rather do at their fulfillment centers, at their warehouses?
Instead of putting an air conditioner in there, they would rather hire an ambulance to sit outside their warehouse.
And when someone passes out, they drive them to the hospital because that costs less money.
That's capitalism.
That's capitalism.
That's Jeff Bezos.
Yay!
Watch Dylan Radigan.
The real issue in America is the concentration of resources in an incredibly small number of hands, whether it's Google and Facebook, whether it's the two political parties in our political system, or whether it's what's happening with Amazon.
A beautiful vision, an incredible executive, an incredible executive, an incredible company.
A beautiful executive?
What the what?
What is great about this?
This kills our economy.
So I'm sure he means it in a different way than I'm hearing it because there's nothing good about what Jeff Bezos is doing.
He's undermining local tax bases.
He's bribing politicians.
He's buying the paper of note.
He's in bed with the deep.
What the F is, and he's making all his employees in poverty.
What is good about that?
Yeah, he has an incredible vision of how to fuck over the country because that while enriching himself.
What kind of a fucking vision is that?
Well, the vision of an evil genius.
That's the vision of an evil genius.
Yes.
While he undermines the tax base of local municipalities, takes good jobs to turn him into shitty ones while he becomes the richest person in the history of the world.
That's a beautiful vision for a fucking evil genius.
Exactly what Ron said.
So here, now we're going to get to the good part.
But a disastrous effect on our society as we're seeing the complete concentration of power.
So I just got to ask that question.
How could those two things be the same?
How could it be a beautiful and a great vision and an amazing company, but disastrous for everybody except Jeff Bezos?
Well, then it's not any of those things.
It's not any of those good things you said.
It's an evil genius's plan to fuck over the country and enrich himself.
Let's take it from the top.
The real issue in America is the concentration of resources in an incredibly small number of hands, whether it's Google and Facebook, whether it's the two political parties in our political system, or whether it's what's happening with Amazon.
A beautiful vision, an incredible executive, an incredible executive, an incredible company, but a disastrous effect on our society as we're seeing the complete concentration of power.
And as a result, the destruction of the ability for a truly competitive capitalist environment.
So while it is impressive to see, and I have incredible respect for Jeff Bezos and what he has done, it is a total abdication of the authority of the antitrust commissions in this country to allow this level of consolidation of power to continue.
And it's reflected not only in our politics, but as we saw with the Amazon deal in our business.
So I still, I still stand by my admiration and affection for Dylan Radigan.
I don't understand that kind of need to give homage to Jeff Bezos, a guy who he admits, is disastrous.
What Jeff Bezos is doing, his random business has disastrous effects for the country.
And Jeff Bezos, guess what?
Dylan, he doesn't give a fuck what he does to anybody because he is a narcissistic megalomaniac.
What do you think?
What kind of a person amasses $100 billion while his employees are starving?
What kind of a person does that?
A fucked up maniac who doesn't give a fuck about you, the country, the people who generate his income.
Nobody.
Nothing.
That's not a normal person.
And by the way, he's in bed with the CIA.
He's in bed with the Pentagon.
So you better, and he owns the Washington Post.
So you better fucking watch it.
You say anything about the richest guy in the world, fucking that.
Maybe that's why Dylan said that shit, because he knows.
Say anything about the richest guy in the world.
First of all, the CA's got every fucking phone call, text, and email you ever goddamn made.
So this is the result.
This is the result of, these are capitalism's two big success stories, Walmart and Amazon.
And their employees are fucking in poverty.
Well, and you were talking about just the diminishing of workers' rights, and it goes beyond living wage.
I mean, that's a poly enough in and of itself, but it bleeds into other areas as well.
We did a story on how truck drivers were having to wear diapers to make their routes for Amazon.
And that's happening with logistics.
You know, I used to be a road comic.
I would travel 45 weeks a year.
I met a couple truckers in my pursuits, and they would tell me like the routes that they're given generally by these big companies, Amazon being one of them, but there's other culprits too.
Like, they're not possible to keep.
Like, you have to cook the books to make your routes.
And if you don't make your routes, guess what happens?
You lose your job.
So, these people are on the road and they're tired and they're overworked.
And that's not just dangerous for the worker.
That's dangerous to everybody else on the road, too.
So, I mean, these workers' protections that have been gutted with reduced benefits, loss of overtime.
I mean, it really is.
It is 40 years of neoliberal nonsense and corporatism that's gotten us to this point.
And you know what?
These people that are working at Amazon, they're our neighbors.
You know what I mean?
They are just people that we see all the time that are the working poor, and they like it that way.
They keep you poor, they keep you voiceless.
You have no voice, you have no protections, and that's the way the economy is working.
And when the Democrats get their heads out of their ass and start giving us a jobs program, we won't have to deal with people like Jeff Bezos, who's exploiting every person that he comes in contact with.
And you know why people go to work for Jeff Bezos and Walmart?
Because they're underneath their jobs.
It's not like they go, well, I'd like to have this good job, but maybe I go work a shitty one for a while.
It doesn't pay me well.
Because there's no other jobs.
That's just like Steph said.
The Democrats should be proposing an infrastructure spending bill that gives people jobs who want one.
Ron?
Well, I was just going to say, there's also sort of this stigma in the contemporary of the United States where it's like you're in the wrong to want more.
Yeah.
You're in the wrong to want what you deserve as a worker working an honest job for 40 hours a week, which is a living wage, benefits, and a reasonable working environment.
A lot of people get none of those things.
And it's crazy to want something better.
Well, no, it's not crazy.
We used to have that in this country, and we were a very flourishing country when that was the case.
And we need to go back to that again.
There's capitalism's success story.
There's your fucking success story.
There's a success story.
Top private employee, lawyer, the most employees and families getting food stamps.
That's not a special kind of capitalism.
That's capitalism.
That's just regular capitalism.
That's where it leads.
That's regular capitalism.
That's where it leads.
And that's why you have to have unbelievable regulation.
You have to make sure that there's unions.
You have to protect them like FDR did.
You have to protect unions.
Otherwise, you get this.
This is what you get.
You get a handful of rich motherfuckers and the rest of the country's poor.
And you know what that means?
That means a revolution.
That means people in the streets.
How much longer do you think you could do?
How much longer do you think people can see headlines like Jeff Bezos, the richest motherfucker in the world, and his employees are starving?
How much longer do you think when people don't have anything left to lose?
They're going to go into the streets and they're going to find out where Jeff Bezos lives and they're going to go to his house.
Let's have a march on Jeff Bezos' house.
Is that wrong to do?
Let's, you know what?
He's the richest guy in the world.
I bet he can afford security.
I say, I'm going to find out where he lives and I'm going to say, let's get him.
Let's have a march to Jeff Bezos' house and ask Waddy what he's going to do with that $100 billion and why doesn't he pay a living wage?
Let's figure that out.
If you know where he lives, send it to me.
I'll look it up.
Yes.
I just wanted to read one of Jeff Bezos' tweets about philanthropy.
Jeff.
Yes, please read it, Steph.
Jeff, let's get ready for a bunch of bullshit, ladies and gentlemen.
This is a request for ideas.
Yeah, he doesn't know how to help people.
He has to outsource ideas on how to help people.
I'm thinking about philanthropy strategies.
That is the opposite of how I mostly spend my time working on the long term for philanthropy.
I find I'm drawn to the other end of the spectrum right now.
Yeah.
As one example, I'm very inspired and moved by the work done at Mary's Place here in Seattle.
I like long term.
It's a huge lever.
Blue Origin, Amazon, Washington Post, all these are contributing to the society and civilization in their own ways.
But I'm thinking I want much of my philanthropic activity to be helping people in the here and now.
So you know what I said to him when he said when he tweeted that out?
I said, here's an idea for your philanthropy.
Why not pay your workers a living wage, you fucking douchebag?
But you won't pay them a living wage because you don't give a fuck about people.
You don't want to do philanthropy.
You don't give a shit.
If you gave a shit about people, you'd give them a living wage.
And Jeff Bezos doesn't give a fuck about you or the people who generate his income, his profits.
He doesn't care about anybody in this country.
He doesn't care about anybody but himself, like a true narcissistic megalomaniac, which is what he is with a lot of power.
Hangs around with the Secretary of Defense, the richest guy in the world, hanging out with the Secretary of Defense, and he owns the Washington Post, and half of all internet purchases in the United States go through him.
What could go wrong?
What could possibly go wrong?
Oh, this could happen.
Everybody who works works for a living in the United States is fucking broke.
How about that?
In the meantime, make sure you're still subscribed because they don't want you to see this news show.
They want you to watch bullshit like MSNBC and CNN.
That's what they're pushing on YouTube right now.
I just saw a video today from MSNBC that was a piece of shit video that no one would have watched a year ago.
It had 250,000 views.
No one used to watch MSNBC on YouTube.
No one.
So they recount, they got a new algorithm that fucks over independent news people in favor of them.
And now they're getting 250,000 views.
Rachel Betto never got that on YouTube.
Chris Hayes never.
They had to beg people.
They thought Luke Russert was going to be their conduit to the fucking YouTube people.
Luke Russert.
That's their idea to give to YouTube people.
Luke Russert.
So please make sure you're subscribed.
And even if you think you are, double check and then click that bell so you get a notification when we drop a video.
Please make sure if you watch us through Xbox or whatever, they're going to go to unsubscribe you.
So make sure you're subscribed and come see one of our live shows February 16th.
It's a Friday night in Burbank, California.
We have a list of shows.
Go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Become a patron.
Thanks for your support.
Here's a great way to help support the Jimmy Door show.
You know, we do not encourage anyone to shop at Amazon.com, but sometimes you have no choice or sometimes you're going to anyway.
And if you're going to shop at Amazon.com anyway, we say have some of that money go to a progressive cause like the Jimmy Doer show.
So then we'll take some of that Amazon money and make videos about how horrible Amazon is.
It's a great symbiotic relationship.
So the next time you're going to buy something from Amazon, please think of the Jimmy Door show.
Go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, click on our Amazon link, and when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
Help fight back and support the show at the same time.
That's Bernie Sanders on the phone.
I bet he's filled with his usual energy and passion.
Hello, Bernie.
I'm so tired.
I need a nap.
Who is this?
This is the Jimmy Door show.
And so it is.
But still, I refuse to become incensed.
My doctor told me I have to turn it down a notch because my blood pressure is way too high.
I'm sorry to hear that.
What is your blood pressure?
120 over 80.
No, no, those are normal numbers.
Not when you measure it in Celsius.
Huge difference.
Suffice it to say, I must learn to relax more.
So please do not ask me about anything important.
Let's just keep this on the lighter side, shall we?
Okay, well, what do you think about the Democrats trying to push Oprah to run for president?
Oh, my fucking heart.
Ah, president of what?
The United States.
That's like asking George Clody to run for office.
Democrats have suggested that.
Oh, my God.
What the hell does it take, Democrats?
I marched for civil rights when most of you thought guess who's coming to dinner was written by Bolsheviks.
I yelled about income inequality while most of you were creaming in your pants over Princess Dye marrying some inbred dimple chin monarch who can't even wave right.
I've been on the right side of history on every important issue except classic Coke.
And now you want to run Oprah Winfrey for president?
Why not just dig up Nancy Reagan?
At least we knew what she stood for, especially now that she's stiff as a board.
So you're not happy with how Americans elevate rich celebrities to leadership status.
Why can't we just go back to the time when celebrities were all controlled by the big studios?
Like when they made Bonzo do that movie with Ronald Reagan.
Poor Bonzo, right?
Now the top 1% of celebrities make more than the bottom 99%.
But it's always been that way in show business.
Kids doing background work should earn a living wage.
How could you possibly live off $25 a day being part of the crowd in a Stevens of Galfil?
Too many young actors are being forced to dip into the trust funds.
It's not right.
Do you think Oprah is qualified to be president?
I don't think Oprah is qualified to be Oprah.
I'd much rather see the host of the Price is Reich run for president.
At least Bob Barker knows what a gallon of goddamn milk costs.
So you think Democrats can come up with someone better?
I don't think we need to emulate the folly of the Republican Party by decreasing our standards even more.
Right now, the bar is so low, Twiggy couldn't slide under it.
For those of you keeping count, that was outdated pop culture reference number two.
What about you?
What about me?
Are you actively thinking of running for president again in 2020?
You damn well better hope I am.
Ooh.
I'm here with the Miserable Liberal and comedian Dave Ribitz.
Hi, Dave.
Miserable.
Morning, Jimmy.
All right.
Morning, sunshine.
So you remember this, James Clapper.
He famously said this.
So what I wanted to see is if you could give me a yes or no answer to the question, does the NSA collect any type of data at all on millions or hundreds of millions of Americans?
No, sir.
It does not.
Not wittingly.
There are cases where they could inadvertently, perhaps, collect, but not wittingly.
So what he just did is called lying to Congress.
That's a crime.
It's a felony.
Supposed to be in prison after you do that.
But again, you know in this country that we don't prosecute powerful people.
That doesn't happen anymore.
And so nobody goes up.
You know who does Edward Snowden, Chelsea Manning, Eric Garner?
That's who we get.
Or maybe the journalists who try to tell you about it, we get them.
We also get them.
Barack Obama used the Espionage Act to prosecute journalists who are being whistleblowers telling you about crimes your government was committing.
That's Barack Obama, neoliberal to the day he dies.
So yes, James Clapper, the former director of national intelligence, is lying to Congress.
And that's okay because he's friends with everyone.
But don't you try that.
Don't you try it.
So they spy on us, right?
So the government takes every phone call, every email, every text you make.
They got it.
And that's unconstitutional, by the way.
But we live in unconstitutional times.
The Constitution doesn't matter anymore.
It doesn't.
So they were reauthorizing the bill to screw us over.
They had to do that.
I had to reauthorize it.
And Pramila Jayapel, who's in Congress, who's a very progressive...
What makes us different from those who would harm us is our commitment to our constitutional values, that we are innocent until proven guilty, that our government must attain a warrant and show probable cause that there is a legitimate reason to listen in on our conversations.
This bill will further expose people to warrantless prosecutions or detention and deportation in cases that have absolutely no connection whatsoever to national security.
I hope we reject this bill unless we approve the Lofgren Amash amendment.
So they did not approve that amendment.
So they proposed amending it to make it that you had to get a warrant.
You know, like our Constitution says, they voted that down.
Here is the amendment would ban the practice.
This is Representative Pamila J. Pel's Twitter account.
She says the amendment would ban the practice whereby officials at the NSA, the FBI, and other security agencies without a warrant, search for and read private messages of Americans that the government incidentally swept up under the 702 program.
So it just basically goes back to, hey, if the government wants to read your emails or inspect your personal papers, they need to get a warrant like normal, like it says in our Constitution.
Guess what our representatives did?
They voted that down.
You know why?
Because they don't represent you.
Nancy Pelosi doesn't represent you.
She represents Booz Allen.
Who's that?
That's one of the big companies taking all your data.
They're making billions of dollars collecting your private data.
That's who Nancy Pelosi represents.
That's who the Democrats represent.
Don't be fooled.
They don't care about you, your privacy, the security of this country, nothing.
Nancy Pelosi cares about her donors continuing to make billions of dollars, even though it's unconstitutional to the hilt.
She doesn't care.
So George Zarnick, he tweeted out 55 House Democrats, including Nancy Pelosi, Denny Hoyer, and Adam Schiff voted to kill a surveillance reform bill that would have, among other things, added a warrant requirement to 702 searches.
So there's all the Democrats.
This is from the intercept.
There's the headline with support from Nancy Pelosi, House Gives Trump administration broad latitude to spy on Americans.
The law serves as the legal backing for two mammoth NSA programs revealed by Edward Snowden, Upstream, which collects information from the internet junctions where data passes in and out of the country, and PRISM, which collects communications from U.S.-based internet companies like Google, Microsoft, Apple, and Yahoo.
So like, you know, all your internet searches, all that stuff.
The program rests on the notion that they are targeting foreigners, but they also collect massive amounts of data on Americans, including wholly domestic communications.
So the whole idea was, oh, this is just if you're communicating with someone in a foreign country, then we're going to look at the person who's in the foreign country.
We're going to target.
That's not what's happening.
They're collecting all the data.
James Clapper lied about it.
He lied, literally lied.
Amazingly, the intelligence community has never disclosed how much, how much what?
How much data they're collecting on us.
Numerous members of Congress have requested an estimate since 2011.
But guess what?
Both neoliberal, moderate Republican Barack Obama and Crazy Man Trump have refused to provide one.
Hmm, maybe Obama was just as crazy as Trump or just as destructive.
Well, I don't know.
You tell me.
Turns out yes, when it comes to the illegal spying, warrantless wiretapping, and breaking the Constitution.
They're in lockstep.
Obama's in lockstep with Trump.
Not only that, but Obama handed it off to Trump in expanded surveillance powers right before he left office.
So if Trump is really an existential threat, like everybody says, why wouldn't you want to take away his powers to spy on everybody?
Because that's how J. Edgar Hoover kept his, people remember J. Edgar Hoover.
He was the head of the FBI, and he was the guy who pulled the strings on everybody in the country and the government.
Why?
Because he could wiretap them and he had dirt on everybody.
What do you think this is?
You're giving Trump the ability to wiretap everybody warrantlessly.
Look at their emails, collect whatever it is, and screw them.
You're handing that over to Trump.
So when they tell you that Trump is an existential threat, Nancy Pelosi, Steny Hoyer, and Adam Schiff are bullshitting you at the top of their lungs.
They're lying to you.
They're not lying to Russia.
They're not lying to Fox News.
They're lying to you, the American citizen.
They're liars.
When they say, if Trump is such an existential threat, why wouldn't you try to limit his power?
Why would you vote to give him all this power?
Because you're bullshitters.
That's why.
Because you're against Trump, because it looked like he wasn't going to go along with the military-industrial complex as warmongering.
But now he is.
And they're conspiring to take away your constitutional rights, and they're conspiring to make it look like they're doing it for you.
And they're not.
And the only basis for this is, you know, making sure that they're keeping you scared.
That's right.
I mean, this is just a giant taking your shoes off at the airport at this moment.
Right.
This is the, oh, ISIS had they're cutting people's heads off with knives.
We have to drop 20,000 bombs.
Why don't we drive 20,000 knives?
If you saw the Golden Globes last night, I didn't.
All the ladies wore black in solidarity, right?
Which is very slimming, black.
Keep that in mind.
That's why when I wear black, it's because it's very slimming.
So they all wore black.
And Oprah gave a big speech.
I didn't see it.
I don't watch award shows.
They're stupid.
They're the dumbest fucking things in the world.
But she gave a big speech and now CNN, breaking news, Oprah Winfrey is actively thinking about running for president in 2020, too close friends say.
No.
No.
Well, let's look.
Here's Joy Reed.
She got a picture of The Rock.
She tweets it out when Oprah is speaking at the Golden Globes and your goals shift to VP.
What is wrong with our country?
There's a host on MSNBC.
This is who we're looking to to be our leaders.
We have gotten to idiocracy.
So we're looking to talk show hosts to be our fucking leaders now.
And not even political talk show hosts.
Not even like economic talk show hosts.
Later be one thing if Dr. Wolf ran, you know?
Richard Wolfe, he's a guy economist.
I talk about it every week.
No, I'd vote for him.
I'd vote for him.
Yeah.
No, we got professional wrestlers.
Yep.
And talk show hosts.
Guess who, guess who wanted her for his vice president?
I don't know if you know this.
Vice presidential candidate of mine.
Well, I really haven't gotten quite there yet.
You won't be wrong.
I love Oprah.
Oprah would always be my first choice.
Oprah.
You're a competitor, John.
Oh, I love that clip.
Are we sure she wasn't at Mar-a-Lago?
Are we sure she wasn't there?
We are not sure.
Did you see somebody tweet that out?
Oprah and Michelle 2020?
I saw that.
I didn't see that.
I saw a bunch of people talking about how they took a stand because they didn't clap for Susan Sarandon.
Oh, like, I'm using my platform the right way.
I'm not going to clap for an actress.
It's like, oh, good job.
God damn it.
This is what The Intercept wrote about this.
The liberal response to the rise of Trump cannot and should not be, let's find our own bigger, better version of the Donalds.
As columnist Emily Arrowwood wrote in May 2016, that Trump is acutely unqualified would be true even if he were Mr. Congeniality, a champion of the people with the aspirations of Jimmy Stewart and Mr. Smith goes to Washington.
So it doesn't matter if he was the nicest guy, he'd still be supremely unqualified.
Even if he wasn't a misogynist hate monger, he would still be supremely unqualified to lead the country.
The irony is that Oprah may in fact be Mrs. Congeniality, but she is still an acutely unqualified as Trump.
Let's get a grip, folks.
That's from the intercept today.
Emily Arrowwood wrote in May 2016, even if you were Mr. Congeniality, still be unqualified.
So she is, she's still unqualified.
So that's good.
But also, here's why you really shouldn't vote for her.
There you go.
Because her and Bill Crystal, or I like to say Bill Crystal, she was pro-regime change.
She was pro-Iraq war.
Didn't that used to be the disqualifier here in America?
You were pro-Iraq war.
It used to be the disqualifier that you were pro-Iraq war.
It used to be a disqualifier until Hillary Clinton ran.
Then it became something we were supposed to get over.
Here's what The Guardian says about Oprah.
Oprah Winfrey, one of the world's best neoliberal capitalist thinkers, Oprah is appealing because her stories hide the role of political, economic, and social structures in our lives.
They make the American dream seem attainable.
There's more mobility now in Europe's economy than there is in the United States.
It's much easier for you to go from poor to middle class, middle class to upper class in other economies, not in the United States.
That whole adage of If you work hard enough, you'll get it.
That's what America, if you work hard, you can have anything you want.
That's not true.
You can work three full-time jobs and still not even get healthcare in America.
So that's not even true.
You can work three times, have health care, and then get sick and still go bankrupt and lose everything, including your job in America.
So here's what they say in The Guardian.
Oprah is appealing precisely because her stories hide the role of political, economic, and social structures.
In doing so, they make the American dream seem attainable.
If we just fix ourselves, we can achieve our goals.
For some people, the American dream is attainable.
But to understand the chances for everyone, we need to look dispassionately at the factors that shape success.
So what I've said is, what do you call a system?
You've heard me say it here a million times.
What do you call a system that takes the richest country the face of the earth has ever seen, the United States, and renders half of its population poor or low income?
That's a failed system.
63% of Americans can't afford a $1,000 emergency in the richest country the face of the earth has ever seen the stock market just crack 25,000.
That's called a failed system.
We have a failed economic system in America.
Failed.
It's already failed.
She argues that Oprah's enterprise reinforces the neoliberal focus on the self.
Oprah's enterprise is an ensemble of ideological practices that help legitimize a world of growing inequality and shrinking possibilities by promoting and embodying a configuration of self compatible with that world.
So Oprah doesn't try to poke a hole in the system.
She says that you should conform to the system and that you need to just look inward.
And if you look inward, you can change yourself and you'll be successful in this system where we know it's not possible for lots of people.
It's possible for some, not lots.
Capitalism has poverty built into it.
Okay, just so you know.
Yeah, that paragraph just could have read.
She argues that Oprah's enterprise reinforces the neoliberal focus on the self, which got us into this mess in the first place.
Yes, which is exactly which got us into this mess in the first place.
Yep.
That's exactly right.
There's a little bit more to this.
Three decades of companies restructuring their operations by eliminating jobs through attrition, technology, and outsourcing, and dismantling both organized labor and the welfare state have left workers in an extremely precarious situation.
But Oprah will tell you, just work harder.
You can do it.
Look inside.
And those are all good things to help people, but she misses out a critical part.
The critical part is a critique of the system, the system that has made her a billionaire.
Oprah's popularity stems in part from her message of empathy, support, and love in an increasingly stressful, alienating society.
They promote markets-based solutions to the problems of corporate power, technology, gender divides, environmental degradation, alienation, and inequality.
So neoliberals promote market-based solutions.
So does Oprah.
Oprah is one of the new group of elite storytellers who present practical solutions to society's problems that can be found within the logic of existing profit-driven structures and production and consumption.
So this is every paragraph is saying the same thing that she says work within the neoliberal system and let's not try to change the neoliberal system.
That's what this whole article is saying.
Oh, absolutely.
So that's why we can't have Oprah.
Not only because of this, not only because of that, she's doing stupid stuff like that.
I never saw her critique Obama doing horrible things.
She might have.
I would like to know how Oprah feels about the surge warfare we're currently engaged in in Yemen.
I would like to know how she feels about the president have a kill list, like Barack Obama had a drone list.
I would like to know how she feels about the banks being bigger, North Dakota, Dapple.
I would like to know how she feels about a lot of things, fracking.
I would like, we don't know anything about any of this, how Oprah feels.
I know she was pro-Iraq war, which to me, you're out.
You're out.
You can't see through that bullshit.
You're out.
Million people in the streets, you're out.
Sorry.
Like, who would ever critique her?
Like, everybody would just be like, I mean, you think we went to sleep during the Obama years.
This would be a hibernation times 10.
Yes.
Agreed.
So I think the consensus at the Jimmy Doer show is new Oprah.
How about Nina Turner?
How about Tulsi Gabbard?
Got lots of people.
So that's Chucky the Shoom.
He's the Senate Minority Leader.
Oh, he's dashing.
That's Chucky the Shoe.
Chucky the Shum.
Ladies.
Ladies.
How are you, ladies?
So that's Chucky the Schume.
That's when he's trying.
That's his good looking picture.
And so recently, someone who listens to this show or watches this show sent an email to Chucky the Shoom asking him his stance on single payer.
They forwarded me the response.
Here's the response that Chucky the Schoom gave.
I'm going to read it to you.
Thank you for writing to express.
Thank you for writing to express your support for the adoption of single payer system.
I agree that a health care is a right, not a privilege.
Oh, good, then you'll be for a single payer, I guess.
If he says it's, I strongly support the establishment of a public health insurance option.
Boo.
Come on.
You know, just like the rest of the world.
Oh, that's not how they do it.
A public health insurance option would create a not-for-profit insurance plan, which would compete on a level playing field with existing private health insurance plans.
Chucky the Shoom bought and paid for.
Chucky the Shoe.
Now you wonder why we got Trump.
You wonder why it's Mick resistance, why it's all fake.
They're all corporate tools.
Chucky the Schumed corporate tool.
A public not-for-profit insurance option would require lower premiums and lower existing private insurance premiums through competition.
Hey, we still pay twice as much as the rest of the world.
And how many millions of people would be left out?
Obamacare leaves out around 30 million people.
This pro-consumer option.
I like how he has the corporate speak.
Oh, yeah, big-time corporate speak.
Even just like the whole concept of competition.
We're not widgets.
We're human beings.
Where does competition come into play here?
Yeah.
Hey, you're sick.
Do you want to get better?
Or do you want to compete?
Well, let's see.
You ready to compete?
I'm sick.
Let's compete.
What's the competition offering?
We want single payer, like the rest of the world.
I believe that no American should be denied coverage.
Coverage.
No, it's not coverage.
No American should be denied health care.
So this has got, again, you wonder why half the country doesn't vote.
You wonder why we have Trump.
You wonder why people don't see a difference.
You wonder why.
Here it is.
The majority of not only Democrats, the majority of Republicans, the majority of the country is for single payer.
That's the leader of the Democrats.
He's not with the people.
He's against the people.
The leader of the Democrats against the people.
And you wonder why I won't vote for them?
You really wonder why?
I know why you vote for them because you're soft-brained.
I know why you vote for Democrats.
You're soft-brained.
And you can't think past one election cycle.
That's why you keep doing this.
I will continue to fight for access to affordable equality health care for all Americans.
Give you the double CK on that one for access.
Again, this is all corporate bullshit speak, and we all see through it now.
And that's why the Democrats are going to have mixed results in 2018 because you see the mealy mouth Keith Ellison in our other video.
He's supposed to be the good progressive who falls in line just as fast as everybody else.
And here's Chucky the Shum.
This is the line.
He's giving you the line.
His corporate donors said no single payer under any circumstance, Chuck.
And he's like, okay, screw the American people.
Well, the most of the people want it.
And I don't care.
The guys who give me money don't want you to have health care.
And they want you to keep paying twice as much for health care.
That's what Chucky the Schume says.
You know, Jimmy, I was really excited when I woke up this morning because I realized I have access to a million dollars.
I have access.
They print money every day.
I got access to it.
They print it every day.
I also have access to a Porsche.
I have access.
I can drive right into the Porsche dealership and go up to them, but I don't have a million dollars or whatever it costs for a Porsche.
Anyway, wow.
You know, if I work just a couple of days a week over at MSNBC, I could afford a Porsche for everybody.
One day a week.
I could afford a Porsche for everybody.
You'd have your big Oprah moment.
You get a Porsche.
One day a week would be $120,000 a month.
If I filled in for Chris Hayes once a week and they paid me what he gets paid.
Think of all the people you could ask to look you in the eyes.
Can you look me in the eye and see dollar signs?
Can you look me in the eye and see those dollar signs I'm being paid?
No?
All right.
So there is, I just want to let you know, Chucky the Schume, definitely not for single payer.
He's definitely not a progressive.
He's definitely not looking out for you.
Chucky Schum is looking out for his investors and his investors are Wall Street.
And so you can't be in bed with Wall Street and look out for workers.
Those two groups are diametrically opposed to each other.
Chuck Schumer has made his choice.
He's against you.
He's against the American people.
And anything Chuck Schumer says that tries to make it sound like he's a populist or he cares about you, you just go, fuck you, Chuck.
We know you're full of shit.
Because he is.
Chuck Schumer is the enemy of the people.
And that's not hyperbole.
He is an right there.
The people want single payer.
He's telling you to go fuck off in favor of who?
His donors.
And I'm telling Chuck Schumer, fuck off.
Because we ain't voting for you.
And I ain't voting for any fucking presidential candidate who doesn't embrace single payer.
And I don't mean a bullshit embrace like Kamala Harris.
I mean a real one.
Hey, it's Chris Christie again.
Is he still governor?
Oh, yeah, that's very funny.
That's some joke, Jimmy.
You must be a comedian or something.
I'm very impressed.
You're very impressive.
That's what you are.
You must be pretty smart.
You got a big education.
Oh, yeah.
You've been to college.
I bet you even went to finishing school where they teach you how to hold your fucking fork like Queen fucking Elizabeth, right?
I can see you now sitting on your love seat, sucking on a Sherlock Holmes pipe, reading a book about something.
I bet you like reading a lot of things, Jimmy.
Well, guess what?
I've been reading things too.
You've been reading things?
Yeah, I guess I read a lot.
You ain't been reading nothing, understand?
I'm the one who's been reading things, not you.
And guess what?
I don't like what I've been reading for, Ice.
What have you been reading?
Your favorite paper of record, the New York Times.
They say New Jersey voters have already forgotten me.
Well, guess what?
I've forgotten them.
They haven't forgotten nothing because I forgot them, not the other way around.
That's one of the things I've been reading because I read a lot.
You don't know what else I read?
What?
Damn, Brian, you don't know.
Because only I know what else I read.
I don't ever forget that.
Anyway, I also read that I just signatured 40 new bills of the law.
You know why?
So nobody forgets you?
Oh, they ain't ever going to forget me, Slick.
Just listen to this.
I made it illegal for employers to discriminate against breastfeeding mothers in the workplace.
I also signed bills to help preserve the monarch butterfly.
And I made it illegal to sell copots that contain lead and mercury.
Well, that sounds great to me and unexpected.
What inspired you to do that, Chris?
To keep people wondering.
Whoa, is he going this way or that way?
He's a mystery.
Dejig, Isaac.
Dejaig, Isaac.
Say, Jexy.
People think they can define Chris Christie.
Well, guess what?
They can't.
Because I'm the one who defines things.
They get defined shit.
Jimmy Doar, who defines things?
People?
No, I define things.
Hey, we don't have time to get the rest of that phone call in today's radio show.
How do you hear the whole phone call?
You got to get a podcast at today's Jimmy Door show.
And you can get a podcast at the Jimmy Door show for free at iTunes Stitcher or at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Hey, special thanks to our guest, Dave Reinitz.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Jim Earl.
Frank Connet, Ron Placone, Mike McRae, Debs Damarano, and Mark Van Landuan.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McCrane, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
Today's show produced by Brian Radillo.
That's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Door saying you'd be the best you can be.
I'll see you February 16th.
Don't freak out.
Burbank, California.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Not freak out.
Not freak out.
Don't bring out.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak out.
Don't bring out.
Don't bring up.
Do not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Do not freak out.
▲
Export Selection