All Episodes
Previous Next
May 12, 2017 - Jimmy Dore Show
56:13
20170512_0512PODCAST
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore show.
Hello.
Jimmy Doe.
Three guesses as to who this is, you fucking Carponso.
Beverly Sills.
Ha ha.
Very funny.
Everyone knows she's dead.
Although I could still hear that silvery soprano of hers.
Puccini, Massine, and Verdi on a nice rye loaf with mustard and you sick piece of sausage poop.
Always with the food jokes.
Where was I?
You gave me three guesses who this is.
Okay, go ahead.
Take a second guess.
And this time, no allusions to food of any kind.
I'm sick of all the gratitudinous jokes.
Follow me.
Okay, the guy who runs Grubhub?
You are correct.
Come on, you run Grubhub?
I do now.
Thanks for the inspiration.
But that's not who I want you to say I am.
This is an ex-director of the FBI, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, at your obeisance.
How's that grab you, Pretty Panino?
Congratulate me.
So you think Trump's going to appoint you to be the head of the FBI now that he's axed James Comey?
Axe to win it.
No, Chris Christie, no, but you said the president wasn't going to pick you, and you weren't going to be director.
Oh, that's what I said then.
But this is what I'm saying now.
Capital?
I mean, what if something happens to the other four guys?
Well, let's go through the other three possibilities.
There's Representative Trey Gowdy of South Carolina.
He's a prosecutor like you.
Did you say prosciutto to Parma?
No, no, no.
I said prosecutor.
That proscio.
Prosciuto Upper McConnell.
No, no, prosecutor.
Oh, oh, where were we?
The second possible candidate is Ray Kelly.
He was the NYPD commissioner for over a decade.
What do you think of him?
I really don't like him for the way he monitored the Muslim mosques in New York.
Nor did I care for his stopping frisk policy as well.
He didn't go far enough.
He should have stopped and first everybody in the city because you could never be too safe.
Half of New York City should be in jail, and the other half should be getting out.
That way, you have a continuous self-generating economy based on revolving door manufacturers.
But Kelly's too old to be FBI director.
He's 75.
Could drop dead at any minute.
Who knows, right?
Okay, what about Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clark?
You should like him.
Yeah, he's very conservative, big Trump supporter.
The NRA loves him.
Loves a wild on drugs.
Opposes the idea of a drug rehab.
Wants to imprison a million Americans at Guantanamo for treason and hates Black Lives Matter.
But he'll never get picked.
Why is that?
He's black.
Hello, are you blind or something?
Sometimes I think maybe you don't see too good.
Hey, I gotta go grub up just a little bit of any power of the things I could put in my mouth and pop my stiples with.
Hey, before you go, Chris, you've only got eight months left in office, and you're at the lowest approval rating of any governor in the country.
What's my secret?
Yeah.
I'm a people person.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for gut-minded, lowly-lovered lefties.
The kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you today.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hey guys, Ron Placone here for the Jimmy Door Show.
We got an exciting episode for you today.
We have an interview with Judah Friedlander, the comedian.
You may know him from 30 Rock.
Jimmy chats with him about the state of the world.
We also talk about a lot of the issues of the day, and we got phone calls from Rick Perry, Chris Christie, Herman Kane, and Sean Spicer.
That's all in today's episode.
are listening to The Jimmy Dore Show.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
you Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door Show.
You can see I have a special guest.
It's one of my all-time favorite comedians.
You know him from some of his acting work, possibly also from 30 Rock.
Maybe you saw him on 30 Rock.
Maybe you saw him in one of the many movies he's been in.
But he's primarily a stand-up comedian.
He's also an author.
He's written books and stuff like that.
He's here right now.
It's the world champion, Judah Friedlander.
Hi, Judah.
Jimmy, it's great to see you, buddy.
Now, are you...
No, now you've done acting.
And I don't say you're an actor.
I say you've done acting.
I do.
But yeah.
Now, I see you're at the...
Yeah, this is an exclusive.
Normally, people aren't allowed to see where it all happens, but this is it.
Now, I just wanted to really quickly, we didn't go over the questions for this interview or anything, but how did it, how did it, when were you first noticed that you were a world champion?
Well, they had the world championships, and I won it.
I don't remember.
I don't remember what year it was.
Not a strong point.
I don't remember who I beat to first win the world championships, but his wife's name was Shelly.
Now, I'm a big fan of your stand-up.
I've seen you do.
In fact, I just want to let people know you're going to be at the Baltimore Creative Arts Alliance.
That's in June 2nd.
You're going to be there doing your stand-up show.
Now, I love your stand-up.
One of my favorite all-time bits happens to be one of yours.
It's your bit you did on Christopher Columbus.
Yeah, Columbus Day, the most important American holiday.
Why is that?
Well, it's just, you know, when you look at our holidays, you realize, wow, some of them are really weird.
And we celebrate the guy who discovered America, even though there was already, you know, millions of people living here.
And, you know, he called them Indians because he thought he landed in India, but he fucked up at Latin America.
They kept calling him Indians, and they pretty much slaughtered all the Indians.
And we were holiday celebrating that guy.
So it's a little weird.
Definitely a weird one.
Definitely a weird one.
Now, I would like to get your, by the way, you also have a new special coming on.
I want to let people know.
It's called, now this is one of my, I'm bad at titling things.
You're very good at titling things.
The title of your new special is America is the greatest country in the United States.
Yeah, you know, about, you know, when I was a kid, I actually did, when I was like 10, 11, I used to make my own political cartoons.
Really?
Yeah, when I first, yeah, I have, I actually did a book of cartoons, came out about a year ago, but I include one of my drawings from when I was 11, and it's Weka Valessa in like a Russian jail.
So when I was 10, 11, I was like into that stuff.
And, you know, for years of my stand-up, because my act's very joke heavy.
It's also very audience interaction heavy, very persona-heavy.
And, you know, but when I first started, I did a fair amount of political stuff, you know, like, you know, over 25 years ago.
And then about six or so years ago or more, I started doing more social commentary again.
And it's, and it came about when I started doing shows over in Europe.
And, you know, when you're in a, because it's something I've always been interested in, but it just gotten more and more clear to me.
You know, if like if you're ever in a bad relationship, you can't see it, but all your friends can see it.
So it's like when I got some distance from the United States, I was actually able to see it more for, you know, some of the problems that it has and the hypocrisies that it has.
Yeah, you know, they say you don't know your hometown till you leave it.
And that's what you have to go experience other cultures until you really understand what your culture is about.
If you have nothing to compare it to, people would always ask me, I grew up in a big, big family, 12 kids in my family.
And people would always ask me, they go, what's that like?
And I'm like, I don't know.
I got nothing else to compare it to.
It's like what it is.
So until you, like, until you start, when I started studying Spanish is when I really understood English grammar.
So you get to, so again, so you go out to Europe.
Go ahead.
No, no, that makes total sense.
I agree with you.
That's very well said.
And so that's what made you.
So that's what I like about, I mean, I just like that you're funny and I love your character and your persona, but I also appreciate that you seamlessly can weave in issues of the day into your stand-up, just like the Christopher Columbus thing.
Very funny.
And you can, you know, it doesn't, it's just, it's the best part of comedy.
It's the comedy that can illuminate, but you don't notice that it is.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Jimmy, I think you're on a roll.
Keep going.
So what do you think about, aren't you?
So I, so let's let me applaud you for doing that, for having a social conscience.
And, you know, you live in New York City.
And you know what's so, so what do you, first of all, what do you think about that?
I'm surprised at how few comedians take advantage of the platform of stand-up comedy to actually raise people's awareness or talk about things besides dating and how broke they are.
What do you think?
Yeah, well, I think that's a great point you bring up.
And I think it's, depending on how you look at it, it's surprising and it's not surprising.
You know, you did a show the other day on the corporate TV comedians, you know, and that was great.
And, you know, so most people, as far as, first of all, I think most people just aren't aware of stuff that's going on.
You know, they're not activists.
You know, activists are always kind of, you know, they're a minority.
It's a small amount of people generally, you know, the people that are trying to really work hard to make a difference.
And so you would think that comedians, you know, would be more involved in that.
And they're really not, you know, and but you know, I don't, I've always been an outsider.
Even amongst comedians, I'm an outsider, you know, and so it's like, it actually doesn't surprise me.
And I think people would be surprised how many comedians are actually much more right-wing than you would think.
Yeah, it's very surprising.
It's very surprising that you could have a great sense of humor and then use that humor in the defense of the machine.
That just makes no sense.
Like, if you have a sense of humor, the reason you have a sense of humor is because you see the injustices in the world.
You see the ridiculousness of life and you use humor to point it out.
Like you don't use humor to make life crazy.
You use humor to expose how crazy life is.
And so you have that gift of humor to expose how crazy and how the inequities of life and how every, and you don't, you use it.
They use it the opposite way.
You know, going back to the corporate comedians, do you think it's, it's a, do you think that it's it's possible to make millions and millions of dollars?
Like, for instance, people don't realize how much people make on television.
For instance, Rachel Maddow makes $30,000 a day.
And that most of 50% of all wage earners in America make $30,000 a year.
She makes that in a day.
And she's supposed so.
Do you think it's possible, not only for news people and comedians, for anybody to take that kind of money from the system and then attack that system?
Do you think that's possible?
I think it is.
I think it's difficult.
I think that's something that's always difficult.
One thing, and this is, I think, dealing with the same stuff you're talking about is there's not just money issues.
There's the culture, the corporation culture that is just dominating much of the world, certainly this country, but much of the world.
Even New York City, when you think of New York, many people think, oh, it's just so crazy, so diverse, the arts.
It's like, this is the most corporate place I've ever lived.
It's not diverse, you know.
And, you know, I'm talking about Manhattan and half of Brooklyn and a sixth of Queens at this point.
But it just, and it just keeps growing and growing.
So if you look at the comedy business, and you know, and most, you know, most people in show business, I think are in it for narcissistic reasons.
You know, there are, there are plenty of good people, but there's a lot that just, they just want to do anything to make it.
No morals, just whatever it takes to make it.
I even think you see some people in showbiz now who are co-opting activism a little bit to sort of, you know, since that's like cool now a little bit almost, you know?
Yeah, Deborah Messing was just telling me this the other day.
She's upset about that.
Yeah, I saw the speech she gave about Ivanka and it was like, I mean, that's great she's speaking out, but it's like her entire premise was basically that Ivanka's not a bad person and that if you just talk to her a little bit, she'll convince her dad not to be this bad guy.
It was, I don't know, quite naive or I don't know what to call it.
So what do you think about what's going on right now?
I think that, again, most of the country is being distracted.
You see how well propaganda works to get people distracted from the real problem.
Now, I make the case, and I don't know if you agree with this, but I make the case that Donald Trump is not the problem, that he is a symptom of the problem.
And the problem is both political parties, the whole political class in America, has turned their backs On the people, meaning the regular people, everybody not in the upper 10%.
They've turned their backs on them.
Both parties, this has happened.
This isn't made up.
They both are in bed with Wall Street, and you can't be in bed with Wall Street and then stand up for workers because Wall Street's agenda is about crushing workers and exploiting them and crushing unions and taking good jobs, turning them into shitty jobs and shipping them overseas.
So do you see that that way, that Trump is not the problem, that he's a symptom and everybody.
So right now it's in the Democrats' interest to make everybody in the country just think about Trump instead of what led us to Trump.
What do you think about that?
I do agree with you.
Definitely 100% agree with you.
I will add that I do think Trump is a bad guy as well.
And is much worse than normal, your normal candidate, and is more volatile.
But yeah, no, I think the best propaganda the right wing has is that the Democrats are very left wing.
It's an amazing propaganda they have that, oh, we're the right wing.
And oh, those Democrats, they're just those crazy lefty liberals.
And they're not.
They're both corporate parties.
The Democrat party is generally, in my opinion, not as backwards and bigoted as the Republican Party, but they're both all about war and Wall Street, in my opinion.
But yeah, but that, and then, but see, I was thinking about this when I was watching your show the other night.
It's like, I think the reason the Democrats really don't like true progressives and fear them more than Republicans is because Republicans won't take over their jobs.
You know, their game is Democrats versus Republicans, right?
So the Republicans is the team they're always playing against.
Sometimes they've got more players than them, sometimes they don't.
But a true progressive can actually replace the Democrats.
So they don't want that.
That's like a new team coming in, and then their team gets folded, and then a new progressive team comes in.
They don't want that.
Yeah, well, there's no doubt about that.
They don't want that.
And that's a fear.
They can actually take over their jobs.
Republicans won't take over their jobs.
True progressives can actually take over their jobs and take over their party.
So that's why I think they're more afraid of them.
Well, those one is ideology, and two is survival.
They want Republicans.
That's their job is acting like they're fighting with Republicans and acting like they're getting along with Republicans.
You're exactly right about that because if they lose to Bernie Sanders and the progressives and then they come and get all the corporate money out of the Democratic Party, all those people lose their jobs and they lose that gravy train and the revolving door of consultants and the parties and the government and all that stuff.
So that all goes away if progressives take over.
But if Donald Trump or the Republicans take over, they don't lose their jobs and then they still have a boogeyman to scare people with.
And so you're exactly right that that's what's happening.
What do you so now you do comedy all over?
You do comedy in New York City.
And what do you think?
So do you have any predictions on what like what like the people I think are revolting against the political class?
That's what Trump is a symbol of.
Close to 60% of the country is in favor of single payer now.
And we can't even get the Democrats to say single payer out of their lips.
What do you think happens?
Do you think we have a third party?
Do you think there's going to be a complete right-wing takeover?
What happens?
I think there needs to be a real progressive third party.
And I think the best hope is in the young people, the people under 25.
I think the people who are the most active and motivated are the people under 25 and many of them coming from middle or lower income from all nationalities, often mostly not white.
And when I do shows, I did a show.
Well, this is a little bit of a digression, but I did a show last year exactly a year ago, actually, just about exactly a year ago.
So this is, you know, Bernie was still in it.
Hillary was still in it.
Trump was still in it.
It was at Wesleyan University.
Now, this is, you know, that's mostly a white school.
It's a rich school.
It's known as being a progressive school.
There was one Trump supporter on the whole campus, and everyone knew him because he always had his Trump poster up in his window and stuff like that.
Everyone else was Bernie Sanders.
Wow.
And I asked them, and I asked them, what about Hillary?
And these are kids who are 18 to 22, guys and girls.
I asked them, any Hillary voters?
And they were like, no.
And then I said to some of the women there, I'm like, well, even as a woman, do you feel obligated?
And I would understand that.
Would you want to vote for her just because she's a woman?
And I get that.
If you want to do that, I get that.
Part of that is human nature.
And they were like, no, just like zero.
There were zero Hillary supporters there, all Bernie, one Trump.
From a completely non-scientific poll, but I asked a fair amount of people.
Yeah, no, that's pretty overwhelming.
Ron Placone, who works for the show, he also tours colleges, and he says he experiences the same thing, correct, Ron?
Yeah.
So, yeah, that's see, this is unscientific, but this is some pretty strong anecdotal evidence.
And I think the young people in this country, you know, because they get shit on a lot, you know, by the media, by just, you know, older people in general.
But I think the young people are actually much more politically active and in tuned than people who are 30 and up or 35 and up.
Well, I think it's got a lot to do with the fact that they just, just to be able to get a decent job in America, for most people, you have to have a four-year college degree.
And just to get that, you have to go into mountains of debt.
You have to be, it's like you already bought a house before you got out of college, but you don't have any, you don't have a house.
And so now you're going to have a mortgage payment and you've got to have another mortgage payment just to pay off the thing.
So that's why I think, and right now there's more economic mobility in Europe than there is in the United States.
The United States used to brag that if you work hard, that's the whole thing, the work ethic, that puritanical work ethic that we have.
If you work hard, you can achieve anything in the United States.
That's no longer the case.
People are working two and three jobs and there's no way for them to get ahead because the system is rigged against them.
And, you know, with the high, so many ways it's rigged against them, right?
So I was in London a couple years ago doing some shows and I was talking, I took a cab to go from one show to another.
And I was talking to the cab driver and I asked him, you know, how many hours a day do you work?
And he said, eight.
And I was shocked.
Cab drivers in New York City work 12 hours a day and they partner up so they keep the car running 24 hours a day.
So one guy will drive 12 hours, then he hands it off to the other guy 12 hours and they share like the lease on it or the weekly fees on it.
So they have to keep it running 24 hours a day to make any kind of money.
And in London, eight hours a day, five days a week.
Yeah, I don't think people realize what's happened.
Even during the Barack Obama administration from 2009 to 2012, all the gains in the economic recovery, 95% of those gains, went to the upper 1%.
So this is unsustainable.
I don't think people realize what's actually happening.
That's why young people are so politically aware, like you're saying, and politically active and came out for Bernie, because they're actually feeling the effects of 35 to 40 years of neoliberal policies that started with Ronald Reagan in 1980, and then Bill Clinton accelerated it when he got in bed with Wall Street.
So they're the ones who are feeling it, right?
They're the ones who don't have a future.
They're the ones, just like Hillary Clinton said, it got revealed in WikiLeaks.
If you're sitting at home in your mom's basement and you're a barista with no chance at advancement, of course you're going to want a revolution.
But then they understand that that's a problem, but then yet they still have no solutions for those people.
And then you have millionaire corporate comedians wagging their finger at those people to go vote for more of it.
Isn't that crazy?
It's completely crazy.
And sometimes I think the Republican people who are in office or who are making the decisions, the strategists, sometimes I think they're smarter than the Democrats who are the Democrat operatives because they're selling generally a much worse ideology and a worse plan than Democrats.
And like I'm not, I'm way to the left of the Democrats, but their plan in general, I think, is better than the Republicans, yet the Republicans convince people to vote for their ideas.
So I think in some ways they do better job.
The Democrats' propaganda is terrible.
The right-wing propaganda is very well done, I think.
Well, when you say left-wing propaganda.
I'm a Democratic Party propaganda.
Yeah, you mean the Democrats don't have a message.
In fact, the only time they seem to be able to get a message, because they have a message right now, and it's around single payer, and it's a corporate talking point.
And the Democrats' message is, well, if we can't start over again, we can't start over with Medicare, which is a bullshit.
That doesn't make any sense.
You're not starting over at all.
You're just taking Medicare and expanding it out.
And it's a no-brainer.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out how to do it.
You don't need a board.
You just need someone who knows how Medicare works.
Then you expand it out.
And it's not government-run healthcare.
It's just government-funded private healthcare.
So why do you think that is the Democrats?
Have you noticed that, by the way, the only time they have a concerted talking point that they can rally around is when it's a right-wing corporate talking point?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, even if you look at channels like MSNBC, they always have, I mean, even more so now, obviously, but they hardly ever have anyone who's to the left of MSNBC on the show.
Right.
You know, they'll always have people who are right in line with them, and then they'll have people to the right, but they'll hardly ever have anyone to the left.
I think a couple of their hosts do good stuff sporadically, but then also do not good stuff.
Yes, Lawrence O'Donnell, I think, does good work.
I mean, I think they all do good work sporadically.
Sporadically.
They all do good work sporadically, except for Joy Reed.
Like, for instance, that's a great book.
The guy who wrote this book, Thomas Frank, Listen Liberal, he was on this show.
It talks about what's wrong with the Democratic Party, and he said he could never get booked back on MSNBC.
When he wrote a book that talked about the conservative movement and what was wrong with it, they had him on every five minutes.
And then when he wrote this book that talked about what's wrong with the liberals and the Democratic Party, they'll never have him on MSNBC again.
So you're exactly right.
They sporadically do sporadic good work, but most of the time they're just exactly what Chomsky said.
It's amazing, right?
He to see it even happen on MSNBC that the mainstream media is just there to forward the establishment agenda, and that's all they're doing.
Oh, yeah.
Well, that goes back to my point about the Republicans, how they label, you know, they label every channel except for Fox News as being this insane left liberal bastion, and it's not.
So their propaganda is very good, you know, and even people who generally vote Democrat and hate the Republicans, they think that too.
They actually think, like a lot of Hillary voters, Obama voters actually think they're super progressive.
Yes.
They don't know that there's something way to the left of their ideology.
Yes.
Yes.
So in a sense, they're the sometimes I think there's an argument to be made that they can actually be the least informed of the voters.
I think a lot of the right-wing voters are actually more well-informed than people think.
But, you know, but they have a lot of their ideology is hate coming out of the Republican Party.
Yeah.
Well, I just think it's a sad, you know, I talked about it on my show, or maybe I'm aggressive progressives, the show I do for the Young Turks, about how even, you know, the Daily Show used to be a cultural touchstone and everybody couldn't wait to hear what Jon Stewart had to say about whatever happened.
And that's not the case anymore with the new host, who's I'm sure he's a fine comedian and everything.
It's just that like he was defending Barack Obama's corruption with Wall Street instead of taking the piss out of it.
And it's just like, oh, that show's over.
When I saw that, it was like, that show's over.
I mean, you don't need to criticize.
I'm sure you know him or whatever.
You don't have to criticize, but just in general, how do you feel about what comedy is doing on TV?
Yeah, no, I think it's, you know, stuff like that is bad.
You know, I completely disagree with that comment, you know.
But it doesn't surprise me because like if you look at Hollywood and their, and that's another right-wing propaganda they have that, oh, Hollywood, a bunch of crazy, you know, the most crazy to the left people in the world.
It's like, really, it's giant corporations that run every studio.
You know, I mean, look at the racial problems in Hollywood.
And I do a lot of material on this in my stand-up act.
You know, look at all the, you know, the whitewashing that goes on in so many movies, you know, most recently Asian-themed movies, you know, where they're having white actors play roles that should be going to Asian actors.
And so this is Hollywood, who's doing, who's basically, you know, they're whitewashing movies.
And Hollywood's supposed to be this super liberal, progressive bastion, and they're not, you know, and a lot of them don't even see it.
And if you bring it up to them, they get angry.
Yeah, this is true.
Well, listen, we got to run, but I appreciate you taking time.
I know you have to go to your next world championship match.
Yeah.
So I got to edit this comedy special documentary that I'm making.
Is that the one America is the greatest country in the United States?
Yeah, I filmed a bunch of sets, and I'm in the process of editing it now.
Okay.
I'm hoping to have it done within the month, you know, and I'm trying to make it as up-to-the-minute current as possible.
So I might be filming some more sets.
Oh, well, please let us know when that's ready for viewing, and we'll have you back on and let our fans know about it, okay?
Awesome.
Keep up the great work, man.
I watch your show so much, and I love not just the insight, but something that's missing from a lot of entertainment, no matter what kind it is, which is passion.
You know, so not just your insight, but the passion behind it.
You don't, there's so much, you know, as entertainment's gotten more and more corporate.
It's just so sanitized no matter what you're seeing, you know, and you hardly ever see passion out there.
You know, well, that's a high compliment from you.
I'm very flattered and so and bashful, but thank you so much for saying that.
It makes me feel good.
I always feel like a maniac after I get done with the show and I want to erase it, but I'm always the guy.
It's always nice to hear from people like yourself who I respect with a huge amount of talent, even as an actor.
Hey, hey, hey.
All right, Judah Friedlander, world champ.
Judah, what's your website?
JudahFriedlander.com.
And on social media, I'm at Judah World Champ.
And check them out June 2nd at the Baltimore Creative Arts Alliance.
And that's going to be a great show.
Judaism.
Great venue.
And it's not like a comedy club.
So they don't make you pay the bill during the show.
They don't force you to have shitty chicken fingers and some watered-down alcohol.
You can get some alcohol if you want, but you're not forced to.
Yeah.
And you pay at the end of the show, not during the middle.
Isn't that fantastic?
They don't.
What a concept.
What a concept.
Don't do math in the middle of the show.
Yeah, it's just ridiculous.
Judah, thank you so much for taking time out for our show.
We'll check in with you later.
Hey, everybody.
I'm here to let you know about how I shave.
Are you interested?
I use the Dollar Shave Club shaver, and it is fantastic.
I want to tell you the thing I like about it the most.
I've actually caught myself telling other people this in regular conversation is that they have such a nice handle.
It is, of all the razors I've ever used, the Dollar Shave Club handle.
It's got that heavy, solid feel, like it's made of a real, it's not plastic, and it feels like a substantial razor.
It's got heft.
I know this, I don't, if you shave, I think you'll know why this is important.
And it just, it feels like you're using a real, it is, you are using a real thing.
It's, it's, I can't, it's hard to explain, but you'll, if you get the Dollar Shave Club razor, you'll know exactly what I mean.
And it is the smarter choice.
Do you want to go stand in some kind of drugstore in front of a locked case?
You got to call the guy.
That's why I started going through Dollar Shave Club because it comes right in the mail and it's just a couple of bucks a month.
And they send you the blades.
By the way, here's a deal.
So if you want to get your razor blades, your razors and blades through the mail for a limited time, new members for the Dollar Shave Club, you get your first month of the executive razor with a tube of Dr. Carver's Shave Butter.
Have you had that?
For only $5.
And that comes with free shipping.
After that, raise just a few bucks a month.
It's really quite a deal.
I love the Dollar Shave Club.
And it's just every month, there's your razors.
There's the great handle.
And by the way, that's a $15 value and you get it for five bucks.
You get the executive razor with a tube of Dr. Carver Shave Butter.
And guess what?
In your first month's box, you're going to get an awesome weighty handle, a full cassette of four cartridges, and a tube of their shave butter.
That's what I mean.
This weighty handle.
You'll know what I mean once you pick it up.
You're like, oh, that's a nice handle.
After your first month, replacement cartridges ship automatically at their regular price and there's no hidden fees, no commitments.
You can cancel anytime.
Isn't that great?
So you can only get this offer, though, if you go to dollarshaveclub.com slash Jimmy.
That's really, you go to dollarshaveclub.com slash Jimmy.
That's dollarshaveclub.com slash Jimmy.
And that's how you get this great deal.
So you get a $15 deal and it's for five bucks and it's free shipping.
And it's a great way to help support the show.
And it's a great shaver.
It's the one I actually use.
Dollar Shave Club.
Go to dollarshaveclub.com slash Jimmy.
You got to do the slash Jimmy.
Okay, thanks for supporting the show.
Thank you.
Hello.
Oh, hey.
Hey, it's Sean Spicer, everybody.
Hi, Sean.
No need to get up.
Let's be quick.
First question.
How can I help you, Sean?
Jesus, do you believe I was born in 1971?
I missed so much at the Nixon presidency.
If only there were a way, I could go through something of similar historical importance.
Sean, do you want anything?
Yeah, I have an announcement.
Insert AM here has given years of loyal public service to his or her country.
We're very sorry to see him or her go, and we wish Insert him here continued success in his or her future endeavors.
Thank you.
That's all.
Wait, wait.
Who are you talking about?
I don't know yet, but the president thought it might be a good idea to just roll this out now in light of any future firing.
I mean, resignations, which may be forthcoming in the immediate future.
Hey, can you tell us why he or she was fired?
Listen up.
I already told you, Insert him here, resigned.
Okay.
All right.
So let's not play games with people's lives here.
I know the fake press likes to smear innocent, her and hims, because it gets big ratings.
But I assure you, Insert Name here just wants to spend more time with his or her family in case they should actually have one.
And maybe him or her is hell.
Have you thought of that?
Has that even occurred to you?
Okay, bye.
Oh, wait, one more thing.
In the meantime, the president has complete confidence in him or her.
Okay, okay, now.
Bye.
Thank you.
Sean, are you going to resign?
What's that?
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Well, let me tell you, the president has complete confidence in my abilities and stands with me in full support.
Then why were you hiding from reporters behind some bushes just minutes after Comey was fired?
God, I never hid in any bushes.
They were shrubs.
Rhododendrons.
They're rhododendrons, you piece of shit.
They're not bushes.
You'll know your perennials from your annual.
You don't know what you're talking about.
But what were you doing in those shrubs then?
I was merely consulting with my assistants.
About what?
About the best way to explain to the press that removing Director Comey was the only way to begin restoration of confidence and leadership in the FBI.
And what did they tell you?
That there was no way to escape the bushes without anybody seeing me.
I can't believe I didn't have a taxi strategy.
So I went out to the briefing.
Hey, can you turn off lights?
I don't mind answering your questions if the country has a right to know that's happening.
But if you don't have proper lighting, what I say can't be used against me or the Trump administration.
That's how it works, right?
I really don't think that's how it works, Sean.
Why did Sarah Huckabee Sanders take over for you Wednesday, the day after Trump fired Comey?
Diversity?
So you're not having a nervous breakdown?
Because there's been speculations that you're having a nervous breakdown and you're cracking.
Just because I hide in bushes and refused to be seen in the light, it's just as fuck.
No, what I do is fully the result of recommendations from Jeff Sessions and Rod Rosenstein.
I'm not having a nervous breakdown.
Turn off lights, please.
Firing the FBI director is a pretty momentous event for the press secretary to be missing.
When are you going to return to the White House briefing room?
When my naval reserve dirty's over, you do know that I'm a commander of the Navy Reserves, don't you?
Wow, no, I didn't know that.
I have important previous commitments pertaining to this country's military security that I simply cannot break.
So, what are your duties?
Well, if you must know, I'm public affairs officer at the South Pole.
A lot of important stuff happening here.
Right now, you wouldn't understand.
Last night we ran out of seal blubber.
You ever try to brush your teeth without seal blubber?
Yeah.
And yesterday it got so cold I had to sleep inside the carcass of a polar bear.
Really pissed off the zookeeper.
The South Pole has a zoo?
For the purpose of this stupid joke, yes.
Now leave me the fuck alone, will you?
You want to know more about his surname here and his or her future endeavors?
Contact Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
She's 35 years old and dying for your attention.
Gotta hang up now.
We're losing the satellite connection.
Talk to you later if we make it to Bay Camp 3.
I've got a Gammy Lake.
I regret nothing.
Hey, it's former Texas Governor Rick Perry, everybody.
Howdy-ho, cowboy.
How's your hangdown hanging, huh?
So, what's the occasion?
As part of my civic duties, I need to share with your audience some health tips from my brain that I've come up with by reading stories in the news.
Health tips, Rick, aren't you the Secretary of Energy?
No, Jimmy, I always get to be called governor, even though I'm now head of an important department in our government, which is way too large, by the way.
But aren't you Secretary of Energy?
Health tip number one: keep cotton swabs out of your children's ears.
Thousands of kids wind up in emergency rooms every year for ear injuries caused by putting those little cotton sticks in their air holes.
Why are you giving out health tips when you're secretary of energy?
Well, I'm also secretary of health if I want.
That's what they told me.
I'm Health Master General or something like that.
I've got my own office downstairs in the government building.
The government building?
Yes, my office is right next to where everybody puts their cars.
I get a lot of inquiries about validation.
People want my validation, so I give them health tips and whatnot.
Then I stamp their cars and they can drive away.
Well, that's not nice.
It sounds like they put you in charge of a parking garage.
My father's dead.
What's that?
Oh, my.
I'm sorry, Rick.
My condolences.
How old was he?
160 years old.
People live long lives in West Texas.
You grow up on sunshine, stingbugs, and sagebrush thistles.
Oh, and the benefits of 200 years of indentured servitude from tenant farmers.
That sounds an awful lot like slavery, Rick.
He was part of the greatest generation, Jimmy Doerr.
Would you call the greatest generation racist?
Never mind.
What did he do in World War II?
He was a tail gunner and one of those big bombers.
Such a tailgunner.
That's where he's sitting a big plexiglass bubble in the tail of the plane and shoot things.
You know what?
What?
Sometimes I feel like I'm in that bubble looking down at the world and all its problems.
Helpless to do anything.
Endless miles of ocean underneath me.
I see my pals and the other bombers to the left, to the right, above and below me.
But we're still so far apart.
Wow.
How did he die?
An armadillo snatched onto his face and wouldn't let go.
It was the worst three weeks of his life.
We eat him raw on Pink Creek.
His mistake was not first stunning the dill with a rock before taking a bite from his tender underbelly.
If you're ever in Paint Creek, stop by the home place and they'll show you what I'm talking about.
Once you sink your teeth into that little pink belly, you never go back.
It's like cotton candy, but with dangerous bacteria.
But you gotta bong them in the heads first.
Not completely out, though, just enough so they're still wiggling a little.
Wow, that's terrible.
How did you get it off them?
The usual way.
You put another armadillo on the back of the head, and the first armadillo gets annoyed and walks off.
But for three weeks?
Well, that's how long it takes.
They're slow animals.
So the armadillo crawls off your dad's face and he passes away?
No, the armadillo's fine.
Are you even paying attention?
The dela's fine.
He walks off into the daycare center.
But the one on the back of dad's head now refuses to leave.
So we got to put a new armadillo on his face again to get rid of the one stuck on the back of his hip.
This goes on for weeks until we get a signal from dad that he's had enough.
We said our goodbyes, and that was the end.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
That's the tricky part of Dilly.
Can we talk about the issues, please?
Sure.
You know, I'm sorry, but what would you like to talk about?
The grid.
Let's talk about the grid.
I just told my compartment of NRG to do a big old hanging study of the grid.
The eclectic grid where all our energy comes from?
Grid.
Why do you keep repeating the word grid?
I just like the way it sounds.
Sounds a lot like grits, don't it?
Why did you do the study?
Of the grid?
Yes.
Because coal is clean and solar sucks.
That's why.
I have the documents to prove it, or I read it somewhere.
I don't know.
Do you know what?
Stupid humans shut down coal plants.
We need more clean coal electricity coming through the grid, not dirty solar.
How is solar energy dirty?
Have you ever seen a sun?
One day I kept staring and staring at it because it was just pissing me off, you know.
Stupid son.
And next thing I know, everything's covered in brown spots, and everything I see is dirty and dimlac.
It sounds like you permanently damaged your eyes, Rick.
You're not supposed to look directly into the sun.
This is America.
I can do whatever I want.
I suppose you want regulations how long people can look directly at the sun now, right?
Typical.
Where is everything?
Hello?
Ow, I'll both send something.
Who's there?
Where am I?
Hey, everybody.
I'm here with the miserable liberal and Ron Placone.
Hi, Steph.
Hello, Jimmy.
Howdy, honey.
This is an example of how not to handle an interview while using small black kids as a prop.
This is from during an interview with the ABC affiliate TV9.
So this is Iowa Congressman Roy Bloom.
Representative Bloom, Republican Representative Bloom.
That's him right there.
See, there's all these black kids around him.
And then he's sitting there.
He's going to take questions.
He wanted to have all these kids sitting around him while he took questions from the reporter.
By the way, this was set up weeks in advance.
So this is all staged.
This is what's called a staging.
These are optics.
And the white guy in Iowa wanted to be seen sitting around a bunch of black kids answering questions from a TV9 news guy.
And this news guy's name is Josh Sheinbloom, by the way.
So Representative Bloom and Josh Sheinbloom.
So here we go.
This is how not to do.
So by the way, they started doing a thing where they make you show your ID if you want to come to a town hall.
So that's this idea that, oh, they're all outside agitators, people coming and asking me hard questions.
So they ask him about it.
Doesn't go well.
All right.
Congressman, I'm sure you know the drill.
So today, you're having your first town hall meeting since January.
What are you expecting?
Well, the discussion of the issues is like typical.
I like this kid right here.
He's doing this.
The money.
This guy's all about the money.
That's what that kid's doing.
That's what that kid's doing.
Watch.
Smart kid.
Oh, my God.
Expect.
Watch.
The discussion of the issues is like typical.
Well, he said it.
Oh, man.
We've held teletown hall meetings extensively over the last two years where we'll have 6,000 people on the line.
And so today we'll reach 600 people.
Teletown halls would reach 6,000 people.
So it's a typical town hall.
There'd be lots of questions and lots of answers.
So one thing that's a little less typical is you want to see IDs for this.
Can I ask why that decision was made?
Because we want people from the first district to be at our town halls.
We don't want people from outside of the first district.
So when he's smiling, that's like his reveal that he's doing something nefarious.
That's the I'm doing something wrong.
That's what that is.
Okay.
So why do you ask for IDs and he's trying to pretend?
We don't need people from Chicago there or Des Moines there or Minneapolis there.
I don't represent them.
They should go talk to their representatives at their town hall meetings.
I don't know why they would want to be at one of my town hall meetings to start with.
Well, I think some would make the case that you represent all Iowans.
The decisions that you make impact all Iowans.
So shouldn't all Iowans have a voice at the table or at least have the option to?
I don't represent all Iowans.
I represent the first district of Iowa.
That'd be like saying, shouldn't I be able to, even though I live in Dubuque, go vote in Iowa City during the election because I'd like to vote in that district instead.
Would you still take donations from a Republican in Iowa City?
So he's pretending it's funny to him.
So this is when you tell.
You know, every time he laughs, it's because he's lying and he knows he's doing something nefarious, right?
So here he is.
Big laugh, but you'd take money from people from other places, parts of Iowa, right?
You'd take their money.
Can we point out that a local reporter in Iowa is showing more backbone than 90-some percent of the corporate media right now?
Yeah, great job by this reporter.
Here we go.
Now here's where it ends.
I'm done, John.
We haven't even.
This is ridiculous.
This is ridiculous.
And he's going to sit here and just.
You're going to just sit here and just ask me questions that I don't want to answer.
That's what this is?
You're going to hold me accountable for something?
That's called a follow-up question, sir, and that's rude.
You did a follow-up question.
You asked me a question, I answered it, and then you asked me a question about that answer, and I don't like it.
And what do you think?
I have to sit here and answer reporters' questions.
It's just unbelievable.
So watch.
We just asked why you wanted to do the interview.
That was it.
Congressman, you know, come on.
Take a seat.
Congressman, I insist.
So now the guy knows he's winning.
He knows this is great for him.
The reporter, I think, I could be wrong about this, but I think he knows, like, oh, this is going to go national.
People are going to see this.
He's walking out.
This is beautiful.
It's unbelievable.
What an idiot.
Why would he do this?
This makes the issue bigger.
Oh, this is, he's going, oh, I bet even YouTubers are going to show this.
I bet you Jimmy Door's going to say my name.
I did.
Gosh, you know, I can't help but wonder: were these kids' parents?
Did they give authorization for their kids to be filmed by this congressman?
Honestly, to be used as a political prop.
Yes, you know, and of course, I'm sitting here thinking, I wonder how this guy, what's his record on funding education?
What's his record helping struggling schools?
You know, where does this man stand on real issues that affect those kids?
Do these kids get access to libraries?
Do these kids get access to hot meals?
Is this computers?
Did you see the kid behind the kid behind him?
The money.
The money.
Those kids were beautiful.
And they were being, they were being, like you said, you started it by using these kids as props.
And those kids seemed to be pretty aware of what was going on because there was a dynamic happening.
Yes.
That you could see that one kid looking to see what's the next question the reporter was going to ask.
Like, hey, hey, the white guy in powers wants to be seated around us.
I wonder what this is about.
White people don't usually like us like this.
Well, these kids did get a good opportunity to be shown a great example of what an adult is like.
Of course, it's a great lesson for students that whenever you're asked a question you don't like, walk away and pout like a baby.
So that's good.
That's a good example.
He's that leader.
Sometimes you teach by telling, sometimes you teach by example.
I'm not going to sit here.
Did you hear it?
Let's talk about...
We're a congressman.
Let's talk about the issues here.
So you know he was happy about that.
You know that reporter was happy.
Wait a minute.
I'm going to say his name again.
I'll say his name again.
Doing a great job.
Josh Scheinblum.
And he knew he wasn't going to sit back down, but he's, come on, sit back down.
Come on.
And guess what?
It goes right back to what you were saying, Jimmy.
That every time this congressman started to lie, he was laughing.
He was laughing.
So I'm sitting there going, you know, it's all laughy, laughing.
Good time.
And suddenly he gets up and leaves.
Well, the guy took the gloves off.
He was like, well, but you would take money from a Republican out of town, wouldn't you?
Right?
Wouldn't you?
Would you turn your money?
You take their money, but you won't let them into your town hall.
That's not right.
So here it comes.
This is Josh Sheinblum.
Yes, Josh Sheinbloom.
Right?
So he's interviewing Representative Bloom, and his name is Shine Bloom.
So it's a little synchronicity there.
Good job by Josh.
So here comes the moment when, let me back It up just a little bit more.
Here's the moment when he asks him the question that makes him leave.
Ready?
And watch how he pretends to laugh.
Like, heck, then he realizes, I'm getting out of here.
So you know, every time he laughs, it's because he's trying to mask his hostility towards the question and host his the nefarious hide the nefarious stuff he's actually saying or the actual intent of what he's that he's doing so that's it's called a tell that's called a tell so when he starts laughing you know he's covering up hiding and lying so here watch that district instead would you still take donations from a republican in iowa city i'm not we
We haven't even, we just started.
This is ridiculous.
This is ridiculous.
We, we, we.
I mean, he's going to sit here and just, just imagine.
All right.
We, we, we just asked why you wanted to do the interview.
That was, that was it.
Congressman, you don't, come on.
Take, take a seat.
Congressman, I, I insist.
Let's, let's talk about.
Come on, Congressman.
Let's, let's talk about the issues here.
Come on, Congressman.
Talk about the issues here.
He knows.
Look at the little kid jumping around.
It's funny.
And he's, oh, he's just about to smile on the camera.
Oh, I wish it didn't get cut off.
Good for you, Josh.
Nice job.
That's fantastic.
That was awesome.
Boy, that's a bad.
Way to go, Josh.
Talk about, talk about cracking under pressure.
That guy.
What, when, what, what have you ever sat through before?
What, if you can't get through that, that makes you crack?
What was that?
Is that something, Ron?
Like, that's what makes, that's your cracking point?
Cracking point.
What do you think he said to the kids in the hallway?
That's what I'm curious about.
This guy was.
Because they don't know what happened.
The kids have no idea.
He was being really mean to me.
Oh, I'm sure he just walked away and ignored the kids.
You think so?
Yes, of course.
He didn't see.
He wasn't that interested.
He was more interested in grabbing his bottle of water.
Yes.
He didn't say, I'm sorry.
He didn't turn around and say, I'm sorry, kids.
Thanks for coming.
But this guy's being, he didn't even address the kids.
They don't even matter.
I don't need him for props anymore.
Let's get the F out of here.
That's a good point, actually.
Yeah.
He didn't even apologize.
He was more concerned about the bottle of water.
Yeah, he's being rude to the kids.
You know, he's being rude to everybody, that guy.
Not the reporter, but the politician.
Okay, so good on you.
Local reporter for TV9, Josh Scheinblum.
And I look forward to playing this video again.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy, it's Herman Cain.
Oh, Kermit
kane how are you buddy hi i ain't gonna even do that how you doing shit and ask about your wife's ass or whatever we do because i'm just so excited i don't have time about what hermal trump that's what you know there's more to that phone call but unfortunately we are out of time want to hear the full phone call become a premium member you can go over to jimmydoorcomedy.com become a premium member today it is just five dollars a month you get bonus podcasts just five dollars a month or
you can join our patreon whichever you prefer you can go over to patreon.com slash jimmy door to become a patreon member it's all about your personal preference some people prefer doing the paypal with the premium other people prefer the patreon it is totally up to you today's show was written that's right it was written by jim earl steph samurano myself ron placone jimmy door and mike mcrae all voices were done by the legendary mike mcrae who can be found on the web at mikemcray.com don't forget we got a live show coming up here in
▲
Export Selection