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May 14, 2016 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:16
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May 20th and 21st, that's next Friday and Saturday.
I'll be at the Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, California.
One show each night.
JimmyDoorComedy.com for discount ticket links.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
The Jimmy Dore Show!
*Bell rings*
Hey, Jimmy, what's up?
How's it shaking?
Hey, I'm doing fine, Mr. President.
Thanks for calling, buddy.
Oh, I didn't call you.
My assistant picked up the phone and dialed.
I merely commanded him to do it.
That's the way it works here, Dick Glogg.
Get used to it.
You know, I read you're going to visit Hiroshima this month, and some people have suggested it might be the right time for America to apologize for dropping nuclear bombs on Japan, huh?
Apologize.
Maybe if they fix their goddamn airbags, they might think about it.
How hard is it to make a Dotson where the steering wheel doesn't explode into a million pieces anyway?
Who do they think they are, ISIS?
Yeah, you know, I heard about those recalls, but what's that got to do with acknowledging that we might have made a mistake, you know, in using atomic weapons against civilians?
Did you just say Dotson, by the way?
I will not apologize, Jimmy.
It'd be a slippery slope.
If I apologize for dropping a bomb on Japan, I'd have to apologize for every Afghan wedding I've incinerated.
Jesus.
Yeah.
What kind of couple gets married in the damn desert anyway?
Japan should be thankful that I don't go all drone on their little asses, too.
That's pretty harsh, Barack.
You ain't heard nothing yet.
Put your beautiful hot-ass wife on the horn for a second, will you?
Yeah, okay, here she is.
Hello, Mr. President.
Stephanie!
How's it hanging, sweet Bama?
Did I pronounce that right, sister woman?
Yes, thank you, Mr. President.
That's how you pronounce it.
Yes, Stephanie.
Okay, then.
Put Jimmy back on the line, will you?
Hello?
Hello.
Hello?
Okay, Jimmy.
Do we understand each other now?
No, what?
I don't get it.
Were you trying to pick up my wife?
Bingo, Podcast Boy.
You're real fast.
I'll approach us with the most of us.
No more, Mr. Knight.
I'm in your face from out of space.
No prisoners.
No apologies.
I've dropped the mic more times than a rapper with Parkinson's.
But Bernie Sanders already dropped the mic the other day on the Larry Wilmore show.
He beat you.
Damn, I'm tired of all white men appropriating our culture.
It's time for a change.
Time for an old white woman.
Okay, you know, it's pretty obvious you're supporting Hillary Clinton.
Can you tell America why?
Sure.
Hillary Clinton will say anything to get elected.
She'll say anything and change nothing.
Whoops.
That's what I said about her in 2008.
Wait, here's one: Hillary Clinton.
She's what's wrong with politics today.
Damn it.
Can we please update these motherfucking files?
That's okay, Mr. President.
If you're having trouble finding a good reason to support Hillary, we understand.
Never mind that crap, Jimmy.
Want to hear a joke I didn't have time to do at the last correspondence center?
Yeah, go ahead.
How many drones does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know.
How many drones does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The number of deaths has not been confirmed yet, but any collateral damage was purely unintentional.
That's it for me, Jimmy.
I'm out of here.
Vote for more prisons and don't drive a Dotson.
All right.
Thanks, Mr. President.
See you in court.
Bye.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The up-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you guys.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
I am joined in the studio by a hilarious comedian and author of Morning Remembrance, fake obituaries of real dead people.
It's Ham Radio's Jim Earl.
Hey, Jim, how are you?
Hey, Jimmy.
We're all going to die someday.
Yes, we are.
Also with us from the miserable liberal, it's our resident Latina, Steph Zemarano is here.
Hey, Steph, how are you?
I'm doing great, Jimmy.
It's a pleasure to be.
We missed you last week.
You're out singing your songs, doing your musical theater stuff.
See, Esferdad.
Esferdad.
We're at running the board today.
It's Matt.
How are you, Matt?
Matt doesn't have my microphone.
Is it Max?
What did I say, Matt?
It's Max.
It's Max, everybody.
Matt, it's not Matt.
Thank you very much.
I'm doing fine.
All right.
Let's do some jokes.
Thanks, Max.
Let's do some jokes before we get to the jokes, huh?
You know, I was wondering why I felt so horrible and empty and hopeless.
And then I remembered that I just watched the Fantastic Four Reboot.
Not a good movie, I guess.
Is that some sort of science fiction thing?
I guess so.
Comic book thing.
North Carolina, huh?
The anti-gay legislation, they are getting sued by the federal god.
They really want us.
They really want to hate the gays in the name of Jesus, the Prince of Peace.
They really do.
They really do.
You know, all North Carolina GOP employees, did you know this?
They must wash their hands of tolerance and basic human decency before returning to work.
Did you know that?
You don't want that in your soup.
No, you do not want that.
Or on your salad.
You know, that's on Sico DeMayo, Trump, Donald Trump, to show how much he likes the Mexicans.
He tweeted out a picture of himself eating a taco bowl, taco bowl.
And, you know, the Taco Bowl thing was fine for Sico DeMayo.
But for Mother's Day, Trump tweeted out a photo of him eating a bag of dicks.
Isn't that weird?
Anyway, you know, I heard that one of Trump's delegates to the GOP convention is a white nationalist.
Did you guys, did you hear that?
Yeah, one of his delegates to the convention is a white natural.
And I was like, hey, I didn't know Trump was allowed to be a delegate.
You can be your own delegate.
You can be your own delegate.
You know, Trump saw his first class of, he saw his first classified CIA Intel briefing.
Do you remember it?
Remember, George Bush got one of those.
It was called Al-Qaeda set to attack inside the U.S. Remember that?
And he ignored it.
Well, Trump got his first CIA Intel briefing, and the headline is Trump determined to attack blacks, Latinos, and women inside the United States.
You know, if the news pundits were around during the civil rights era, they'd say that whites were lynching blacks because of populist anger.
You see what I'm saying, right?
All right.
We got it.
Yeah.
You know, Trump, did you hear about Trump's butler?
No.
This is a true story.
This is a true story.
Trump's butler on Facebook said that he wanted Obama to be killed.
On face.
That's Trump's butler.
You know, Trump's butler is a racist who wants to kill Obama, but that was the job description that Trump said Butler wanted must be racist who wants to kill Obama.
How can you argue with that?
That was the job description.
Must be a racist who wants to kill Obama.
You can't.
Every day, his butler drives Trump into the 18th century.
18th century.
All right, we got a lot coming up on today's show.
We got phone calls today.
Bernie Sanders is going to call in.
We're going to have a little chit-chat.
Who did you write for?
Obama.
Oh, and Barack Obama calls in to give me the business today.
Plus, we're going to take a look at Bernie Sanders dressing down Alan Greenspan in Congress.
And then we're going to take a look at Alan Greenspan's wife doing the worst journalism ever with Bernie Sanders.
We're going to take a look at that.
Plus, even Fox News is catching on to the fact that Hillary Clinton is a horribly flawed candidate.
We're going to take a look at that.
George Zimmerman back in the news, he's a worse person than we could have imagined.
So he gets a medal or something for that.
He's selling the gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin.
He's selling it.
He's putting it up for auction.
Hey, there was Dave Weigel falls asleep.
Our favorite Washington reporter falls asleep when he's doing an interview on the Hugh Hewitt show.
Plus, we got fake skin.
There's fake skin.
There's a lot.
And plus a lot, lot more.
There's, you know, there's fake killer whales that eat sharks.
They're fake.
They're not real killer wheels, but they still kill everybody.
That's coming up.
Plus a lot, lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
So I don't know if you know who Alan Greenspan is or was.
He was the chairman of the Federal Reserve.
He's an Ayn Rand follower.
He's a big Ayn Rander.
So his economics have always been screwed up.
He's always been wrong about everything.
So he's part of that neoliberal, neoconservative kind of look of free markets and who cares about workers and who cares about anything and all that stuff.
Let's find poorer, more desperate people in poor, more desperate countries to make our stuff for us and then we'll ship them back in and rich people will make money and everybody else goes.
So that's the race to the bottom.
That's kind of, so he's a lot of more stuff wrong with he's a supply sider, you know, all the whole deal.
Bernie Sanders got a hold of him one time.
He was on the House Financial Services Committee and Alan Greenspan came in front of their committee and Alan Greenspan said this stuff to him.
Mr. Greenspan, I have long been concerned that you are way out of touch with the needs of the middle class and working families of our country, that you see your major function in your position as the need to represent the wealthy and large corporations.
And I must tell you that your testimony today only confirms all of my suspicions.
And I urge you, and I mean this seriously, because you're an honest person.
I think you just don't know what's going on in the real world.
And I would urge you, come with me to Vermont, meet real people.
The country clubs and the cocktail parties are not real America.
The millionaires and billionaires are the exception to the rule.
You talk about an improving economy while we have lost 3 million private sector jobs in the last two years.
Long-term unemployment has more than tripled.
Unemployment is higher than it has been since 1994.
We have a $4 trillion national debt.
1.4 million Americans have lost their health insurance.
Millions of seniors can't afford prescription drugs.
Middle-class families can't send their kids to college because they don't have the money to do that.
Bankruptcy cases have increased by a record-breaking 23%.
Business investment is at its lowest level in more than 50 years.
CEOs make more than 500 times of what their workers make.
The middle class is shrinking.
We have the greatest gap between the rich and the poor of any industrialized nation.
And this is an economy that is improving.
I hate to see what would happen if our economy was sinking.
Now, today, you may not have known this.
I suspect that you don't, but you have insulted tens of millions of American workers.
You have defended over the years, among other things, the abolition of the minimum wage, one of your policies, and giving huge tax breaks to billionaires.
So that's the guy who was running our monetary policy.
He was against the minimum wage, for tax breaks for the wealthy.
And he ran the Federal Reserve from 1987 to 2006.
He's on the Federal Reserve Board, Alan Greenspan.
And so you wonder why things are screwed up.
So he was in charge of the Fed through the whole Clinton 90s, all that deregulation of Wall Street, all that, all BS.
All that stuff that wrecked our economy, an economy that FDR set the template down for to be a stable and boring banking system.
So here, here's more.
But today you reached a new low, I think, by suggesting that manufacturing in America doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter where the product is produced.
We lost 2 million manufacturing jobs in the last two years alone, 10% of our workforce.
Walmart has replaced General Motors as the major employer in America, paying people starvation wages rather than living wages.
And all of that does not matter to you.
Doesn't matter if it's produced in China where workers are making 30 cents an hour or produced in Vermont where workers can make 20 bucks an hour.
It doesn't matter.
You have told the American people that you support a trade policy which is selling them out, only working for the CEOs who can take our plants to China, Mexico, and India.
You insulted Mr. Castle, Mr. Castle, a few moments ago.
A good Republican told you that we're seeing not only the decline of manufacturing jobs, but white-collar information technology jobs.
Forrester Research says that over the next 15 years, 3.3 million U.S. service industry jobs and $136 billion in wages will move offshore to India, Russia, China, and the Philippines.
Does any of this manda matter to you?
Do you give one whip of concern to the middle class and working families of this country?
So the answer to that question is no, he doesn't.
No, he doesn't because he's, again, millionaire, hangs out with billionaires completely.
I'm sure he never has to ride the subway.
I'm sure he never has to worry about, should I go see the doctor or will the Copi Copo pay be too high?
Ah, I got to get an MRI.
My insurance fund cut.
He doesn't have to worry about that stuff.
My kid can't afford to go to college.
He doesn't have to worry about any of that stuff.
He's super wealthy, super, super wealthy.
He's out of touch.
And just like Bernie said, does any of that matter to you that you're wrecking that your economic policies are wrecking the lives of working people in America?
No, he doesn't.
Here's what he says.
My question.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
I really don't understand what Sanders is saying.
Is he talking about unicorns?
Fairy dust.
Fairy dust and unicorns.
Fairy dust and unicorns.
And secondly, why is a young Bill Gates sitting behind him?
No kidding, right?
I don't get that.
I know.
Okay, here we go.
Congressman, we have the highest standard of living.
So right away, he just ignores everything Bernie just said.
He ignores, we've got the high, we're doing great.
All that stuff Bernie just said, he just dismisses.
But you know, Jimmy, when he says we have the highest standard of living, he's talking about him and his wife.
Right.
I think that's what he means, him and Andrea Mitchell.
So here we go.
Let me back it up a little bit so we can get a running start on him saying this stupid stuff and watch Bernie slap him back down.
Of living in the world.
No, we do not.
You go to Scandinavia and you will find that people have a much higher standard of living in terms of education, health care, and decent paying jobs.
Wrong, Mr. Greenspan.
You sure may.
Thank you.
For a major industrial country, we have created the most advanced technologies, the highest standard of living for a country of our size.
Oh, now he's of our size.
Oh, of our size.
You mean the richest country the face of the earth have ever seen?
You mean that?
You mean of our side?
But there's other countries that are a much better higher standard of living than us, right?
That's what you mean?
Because there are countries with a much higher, oh, yes.
In fact, there's a country with much greater health care outcomes.
In fact, we're 38th in healthcare outcomes.
You mean that?
You mean that kind of technology that we've invented a way to screw our own people out of health care that the rest of the world gets?
You mean that kind of technology?
So that's Alan Greenspan for you.
That's who Alan Greenspan is.
And that was in the early 2000s.
I'm going to double check this, but I think that might have been in 2003 that Bernie Sanders was on the case.
He was on the case back then.
Alan Greenspan head up his ass.
I remember working on the Daily Show.
Don't mean to drop a name.
But every time Alan Greenspan would be addressing the Federal Reserve or Congress or whatever, CNBC would focus on his briefcase and they would speculate on the size or how the heft of his briefcase that he would carry, whether or not he was going to raise the interest rate or not.
Oh, so that, okay.
And that's that.
These are the people who we all listen to.
This guy's an idiot.
Alan Greenspan's an idiot.
He doesn't know anything.
He doesn't know anything.
In fact, and by the way, he came back to Congress five years later after Bernie gave him this dressing down and after he smugly said we have the high, he's smiling to the whole smug, what a smug prick.
Because he knows he'll never have to face the consequences of his horrible economic policies.
He doesn't care that in five years the whole economy is going to completely collapse, the biggest economic meltdown since the Great Depression.
And it's because of his economic, but he doesn't care.
It's not going to touch him.
He's still going to go to the White House.
He's still going to go have Vichy Soise on Martha's Vineyard.
He's still going to go to all the parties where everybody thinks Tucker Carlson's funny.
He's still going to, nothing's never going to bother him.
He's still going to fly first class.
He's going to stay in five-star hotel.
None of this is ever, ever, ever going to affect him.
That's why he can sit there and smile because none of it, just like Bernie says, does none of this matter to you?
No, it doesn't matter to you because these are all just ideas that he scribbles on pieces of paper.
Who gives it?
Because who cares?
Ayn Rand.
Who cares?
Ayn Rand.
He's a follower of Ayn Rand.
You know, pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.
Selfishness is good.
And government socialism is bad, except when Ayran died.
She took Medicare and Social Security.
That's who these people are.
Ayn Rand.
They're phony, sell-out hypocrites, and they're wrong about everything.
So that is Alan Greenspan.
He came back to Congress five years later.
And guess what he said five years later?
Guess what he said five years later?
That's what he said.
It was, yes, I found a flaw.
I don't know how significant or permanent it is, but I've been very distressed by that fact.
But if I may, may I just finish an answer to the question previously?
You found a flaw in the flaw in the model that I perceived is the critical functioning structure that defines how the world works, so to speak.
In other words, you found that your view of the world, your ideology was not right.
It was not working.
Precisely.
No, that's precisely the reason I was shocked because I've been going for 40 years or more with very considerable evidence that it was working exceptionally well.
My God.
He's talking about Ayn Rand.
He's talking about Ayn Rand.
40 years.
I've been following Ayn Rand's theory of selfishness is good.
Socialism is bad.
And any kind of controls on capitalism, any kind of regulation, it's bad.
That's also bad.
And money's always right.
And more money to rich people is always good.
And if poor people are poor, it's because they're not working hard enough.
All that stuff.
Yeah, all that stuff.
He came back.
Yeah, it turns out I was wrong about everything my whole life.
Our whole ideology is completely flawed, and we've screwed over people.
And yeah, we created the biggest economic screw over and wiped out people's pensions.
But guess what?
It didn't hurt.
It didn't hurt me, and it didn't hurt my buddies on Wall Street because we stuffed our pockets when it crashed anyway.
It didn't matter.
If the market goes up, we stuff our pockets.
Mark goes down, we stuff.
It doesn't matter.
We win.
We're always winning because we run the government and it's a plutocracy.
I'm not here to serve the people as the Fed chair.
I'm here to serve the bankers.
I'm here to serve the people with the money.
That's what this is.
That's what all this that, and this is why we need a revolution.
This is why.
This is what's wrong.
Why do I bring this up?
Why do I play a clip from Bernie from the early 2000s and then another one from Alan Greenspan five years later, him doing his BS Maya Culpa?
Well, he wasn't so smug there, was he?
Wasn't so smug when he had to admit, yeah, my complete entire ideology.
Turns out it's bullshit.
Turns out those liberals were right.
Turns out Ralph Nader was right.
Turns out Bernie Sanders is right.
Turns out, yeah, those guys were right.
It turns out Robert Reich is right.
God damn it.
Turns out the guys at Jimmy Dor are right.
Ah, and I was fucking wrong.
I was so wrong that even a Jagoff comedian could see that he was wrong.
And he knew he was wrong, and now he has to admit it.
So why do I bring this up?
Well, we've said before that Bernie Sanders running for the president, we've said that Bernie Sanders running for president, he's not only running against Hillary Clinton, that he's running against the Democratic National Committee.
He's running against all the congressmen who are Democrats, all the senators who are Democrats, all the mayors and governors who are Democrats or in the Democratic Party because they don't like a guy coming from an outside coming into their party.
They're all against them, right?
They're all DNC people.
They're all about getting money from the DNC and raising from their donors and Hillary Clinton.
And guess what?
He has to run against the media too, because the media is also in the tank.
They don't want this guy because Bernie Sanders wants to get money out of politics.
Guess what happens when money goes out of politics?
Money goes out of news business, advertising dollars.
We played that clip, Les Moonva is talking about how good Donald Trump has been for CBS.
We played that.
That's a video on this channel.
Go check it out.
Yeah, Donald Trump's bad for America, but he's good for our profits.
And they all giggle about it.
So Bernie Sanders is, that's why the news media, that's one of the reasons why they're against him.
Another reason why CNN, one of their top donors to Bernie Sanders.
CNN, Time Warner, number seven donor to Hillary Clinton.
Number seven, they're big donors to Hillary Clinton.
They're all, it's all a big establishment club.
They all love her.
She's for the TPP.
So are the people who own MSNBC.
They're for the TPP too.
Comcast is for the TPP.
So is Hillary Clinton.
They got rid of Ed Schultz.
He's against the TPP.
So you see how this all works, right?
So Bernie Sanders has been running against the media.
He's been running against the Democratic National Committee.
He's been running against every Democrat in the country.
He's been running against all of them.
He's been running against everything.
And yet, look what he's done.
Look how far he's gotten.
They still dismiss him.
He just won Indiana.
He wasn't supposed to win.
West Virginia wasn't supposed to win.
Won both those states.
All he keeps doing is winning.
And he's going to crush it in Oregon.
And guess what?
So he's been running against all those people and still doing it.
And they're still dismissing us.
They've been dismissing us since day one.
Still.
He had to go on MSNBC.
Guess who he got interviewed by?
Guess who Bernie got interviewed by?
Alan Greenspan's wife interviewed Bernie Sanders.
And I guess what she wanted to do was to prove to everybody that she could be just as bad as a news journalist as her husband was as an economist.
You can't be a journalist and go to bed with Alan Greenspan at the same time.
It's an ethical impossibility.
Those two things are incongruent, is what you're saying.
I guess it'll be a good idea.
I think so.
I'm not sure what congruent means, but I know what incongruent means.
It's when you have to wear a diaper.
Do you want to give me a Jimmy Dorr logo on the back?
Oh, okay.
So here we go.
Here comes Andrea Mitchell interviewing, interviewing.
It seems more like she's doing an attack job for the Clinton campaign and the establishment, but this is going to be called an interview.
Listen to this crap.
Working people and prepared to take on big money interest.
But isn't the bottom line about you versus Hillary Clinton and who would be the stronger candidate?
That she is now fighting a war on two fronts.
She's getting beaten up by Donald Trump on a daily basis.
Aside from him calling you crazy Bernie in his tweet, he has been embracing you.
He is building you up.
He likes the fact that you're...
Called her crooked.
That's weight.
Oh, my God.
So do you hear what she's saying?
I'm going to play the whole thing.
I won't stop and start it.
Let's play the whole thing.
Hang her down.
So she's fighting Donald Trump.
She's fighting Bernie Sanders.
One second, one second.
One second.
Andrea.
No, I don't accept.
Andrew, I don't accept that proposition.
Last I heard Hillary Clinton is running for president of the United States.
I am running for president of the United States.
Trump is running for president of the United States.
And what a candidate does is make his or her best case to the American people.
I have gotten attacked and attacked and attacked.
My record has been misinterpreted and lied about.
The issue of this campaign is to go out to the American people and talk about why the American people are working, are struggling.
Hillary Clinton has got to make that case.
Trump has got to make that case.
Sanders has got to make that case.
And that's what we intend to do.
And I know.
I'm just saying that, sir, I'm just saying that Hillary Clinton's the opposition to her, the negatives against her have been built up by Donald Trump just hammering away at her.
And up until now, at least, he has not been going.
You mean like, you know, how people do, and I don't know, a political campaign?
You mean like how Donald Trump's been hammering away at everybody?
You mean like how everybody's been hammering at every, it's called a political campaign.
What do you, she's just been hammering.
Apparently, the fact that Donald Trump is running for president turns out is Bernie Sanders' fault.
That's Bernie Sanders' fault.
According to Andrea Mitchell, Hillary Clinton, she's fighting a war on two fronts.
Yeah, she's used to being involved with fighting wars on two fronts, Iraq and Libya.
Think about here.
Let's see what else.
Do you as much as the candidates and you're fighting?
Oh, really?
Oh, really?
Andrea, in every state that we have won, in 19 states, we have had to take on the entire Democratic establishment.
We've had to take on senators and governors and mayors and members of Congress.
That's what we have taken on.
So please do not moan to me about Hillary Clinton's problems.
I'm in this race to win.
We're taking on the Democratic establishment.
We are standing up for working people, and we have a shot.
It is a steep hill to climb, but we're going to fight for every last vote that we can get, every delegate that we can get.
And that's what I intend to do in the next month, five weeks.
Well, I don't think I was moaning about Hillary Clinton's problems.
No, in fact, I don't even think I brought it up.
I wasn't moaning about her problems.
You were just arguing vehemently.
And you were giving a full-throated support of that argument that Bernie Sanders better stop attacking Hillary Clinton because Donald Trump's being mean to her.
The woman who, you know, was part of the group that invaded a foreign country, illegally killed hundreds of thousands of people.
That poor little woman, that poor little woman who destabilized the Middle East, set the table for World War III, that poor little woman, that poor little woman who built prisons instead of schools, that poor little woman.
That poor little woman who's for the TPP deal, it's going to hurt the economy, going to screw over our workers even more, and it's going to contribute to climate change.
That poor little woman is being attacked by Donald Trump.
That poor little woman.
Hillary is facing a two-pronged attack.
I mean, basically, the two sides she's taken on every issue.
It really didn't go over as well as I thought it would.
It's a salient point is what I'm trying to say.
Well, you know what, Jimmy, when I watch this, I can't help but get the impression that Andrea Mitchell Wants Hillary Clinton for president.
You kind of get the feeling.
Do you kind of get that feeling?
Because I kind of get that feeling.
If that pesky Bernie Sanders would just go away, Donald Trump wouldn't notice that Hillary Clinton is running for president.
That's what Andrea Mitchell's saying.
God, Bernie Sanders, you know what?
Yeah, why won't the least corrupt politician stand up for the more corrupt politician?
That's what Andrea Mitchell wants us to do.
That's the real.
I wonder if Mrs. Greenspan will ask Bernie Sanders about the influence of Wall Street money in politics.
Oh, I don't think she did.
Ha, ha, ha.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
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We have don't freak out t-shirts that are signed.
We have the audiobook of your country's just not that into you.
We've got backstage passes.
We've got dinners.
There's all kinds of things to all kinds of thank you gifts for everybody who helps our show grow.
So go over to the jimmydoorcomedy.com.
You click on the Indiegogo thing.
It's right at the top of the page.
You make your donation.
You get your t-shirt or whatever else to get.
The things are your Citizen Jimmy.
It's Comedy Central special.
There's lots of stuff.
So go over there.
Thanks so much.
Now let's get back to the second half of the show.
Move on, move on, move on.
Welcome back to the second half of the Jimmy Doer show.
We got a lot coming up in the second half.
But right now, let's get to the phone call of Bernie Sanders called in.
He wanted to respond to the horrible interview he had with Andrea Mitchell, the wife of Alan Greenspan.
So let's get to that call right now.
Don't bring out.
Hello, Senator Sanders.
Who in the name of Eugene V. Debs is this?
Bernie, it's Jimmy Doer, buddy.
Ah, Jimmy, one of my stalwarts.
Always good to hear from you.
How can I help you?
Just keep doing what you're doing, Bernie.
That's how.
How's the campaign going, buddy?
Fizzling, but still has a heartbeat, not gonna lie.
Dealing with media nonsense from all sides.
A man says that public university tuition should be free, and people act like you said that we should have surrendered to Hitler.
I know.
What are you gonna do?
Wow, what?
Yeah, I know.
What are you gonna do?
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We're gonna fight for the middle and working class people till the end.
That's why we love you, Bernie.
Did you see my appearance on MSNBC?
Unfortunately, yes, I did see it.
MSNBC, mainstream nabobs being cunts.
Jesus.
Wow.
I've got more of them, but I'll spare you.
Okay.
Andrea Mitchell was who I was speaking with.
Yeah, I saw that.
And she had the audacity to lay poor Hillary's litany of problems on my doorstep while I was a guest on her horrible program.
Can you believe it?
I actually can, yes.
The last time I was on there, she took the opportunity to whine about all the mean things people were saying about Hillary and trying to get me to say the same things.
I know, I saw.
And now she moans to me, as I said, and I continue to say about poor Hillary's current woes.
What the hell kind of air-headed fruit basket are we dealing with here?
It's almost as if she's friends with Hillary or something.
Oh, you think I wouldn't be surprised?
Who would be surprised?
Nothing surprises me anymore.
My wife tried to throw me a surprise birthday party, and I said I saw this coming, and I went straight to bed.
But remember, Andrea Mitchell is married to Alan Greenspan.
Ah-ha-ha!
But remember, Andrea Mitchell is married to Alan Greenspan, one of the chief architects of the whole economic mess we currently find ourselves in.
One of the champions of the type of neoliberal fiscal policies that Hillary Clinton is currently the pin-up girl for.
Wow.
Hey, Bernie, isn't that a little sexist?
I don't give a shit.
But Bernie!
I'm serious.
People will call me sexist simply because I have the audacity to run against Hillary Clinton.
The word doesn't mean anything anymore.
I might as well say some genuinely sexist crap for the hell of it.
Double jeopardy and all.
You still might want to avoid that, Bernie.
You're probably right.
I got to say what a joke that is, though.
That the Democratic establishment, whom Hillary represents, is the non-sexist side.
Well, because when women like Elizabeth Warren and Brooks Lee Bourne stood up to the likes of Alan Greenspan and Larry Summers back years ago and said that this type of deregulation, these types of financial derivatives are going to crash the economy, they were told by the establishment, okay, little girls, you've had your tempor tandrum.
Now sit down and have a lolly and think about what you've done.
And Hillary is the descendant of that type of thinking.
I'm the sexist one.
Sure.
Sure.
I see.
And Andrea Mitchell is their little attack chihuahua, making sure that the baby boomer's selfish excesses are never questioned properly in the media, or at least in her little corner of it, so she can fall asleep in her silk sheets beneath her bed canopy made out of narwhal horns or whatever without a care or guilt in the world.
You're preaching to the choir, buddy.
That whole network is for fucking idiots.
Wow.
Even Chris Seece, every night can you believe what a monster Donald Trump is.
And then he airs an entire Trump speech with the same enthusiasm that he would play a widespread panic bootleg for his friends at boarding school.
You really got to listen to the background on this one, man.
It's amazing.
Just a racist guy yelling shit.
I couldn't agree more, Bernie.
If I lose.
Bernie, no.
Don't give it a rest, you fruit roll-up.
If I lose, I'm going to dedicate the rest of my public life to exposing these bozos for what they really are.
Namely, the handmaidens of the baby boomer establishment, the enemies of progress.
And I am speaking primarily about Chris Matthews here, the sworn protectors of regressive religious thought and institutions.
Amen, buddy.
I wish I could simply come out and say that I'm an atheist.
But I know that if I did so, that would be all I would be talking about on every single one of these goddamn shows.
Morning, Joe would lose their goddamn minds.
I'd say, I want to talk about jobs.
And they'd say, but this little boy wrote a book about how he went to heaven and came back.
Or some shit.
It would be worse than it is now.
Luckily, with a Jewish background, you could at least claim being culturally Jewish, which is a thing and satisfies most people.
I don't know what I would do if I were raced Episcopalian.
Wow.
I like this frank talk from you, Bernie, but I don't like this negativity about your chances.
Jimmy, it's a win-win for you.
Either my campaign goes forward as we have hoped, or I'm forced to drop out and I become the bitterest, most trash-talking regular call-in guest you've ever had.
The political report with Bernie Sanders.
I know what's up.
President Clinton is a lying sack of shit in a discount Chico's outfit.
That's what's up.
Oh, man.
Yeah, give it some thought.
For your own sake, you may want to start pushing that Hillary angle.
Make Frank Carnif your head writer.
Cut it out, Bernie.
I'm just giving you the business.
Sanders out.
Feel the burn.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
So So I've said it before.
I'll probably say it another million times.
Hillary Clinton is a horribly flawed candidate and a worse politician.
People see through her phony bullshit and they see who she really is.
She's bad at hiding it.
Barack Obama, much better at hiding it.
Bill Clinton, an expert at hiding.
You can't see that he's BSing as well.
But Hillary, it's obvious, and that's why her negatives are only outdone by Donald Trump.
That's a great thing.
So if you're watching Fox and Friends and Friends and Friends and Friends, and so listen to what they had to say about Hillary Clinton, because right now it turns out, because what we've been saying is there's no difference between neoliberals and neocons.
Even though a lot of people send me emails full of information saying how they're different, I say the difference between a neoliberal and a neocon is a neoliberal is like a neocon who is cool with abortion and gay rights.
What would you say, Jim, to that?
I don't know.
Okay.
All right.
So I'm watching.
So it turns out we've got...
We also talked about how Hillary Clinton's calling Jeb Bush's donors saying, hey, maybe you want to back me now.
That's happening.
That's happening.
Jeb Bush donors are now going to line up behind Hillary Clinton.
That's their idea.
So I'm watching Fox and Friends and Friends and Friends and listen to what they have to say about this.
This is very, I think, very telling.
Is reliably establishment.
So she's getting some of that Republican money that used to go to Cruz and the Rice.
Because she's reliably establishment.
I mean, she's on the side of money.
If you're rich and powerful in corporations or big pharma or fracking or fossil fuels or what you name Wall Street, you name it.
She's on your side.
That's what that means, establishment.
She's not going to move us forward.
She's going to move us sideways.
She's going to move us.
I would say she's going to hurt.
Saying Trump is not conservative enough, so we're going to give it to Hillary.
Well, on occasion, some of Trump's policies that he's put out on your show have been a little bit to the left of Hillary Clinton.
So that makes him suspect of many establishment Republicans.
But the other thing is, by the virtue of the fact that he has self-funded his campaign, he appears, you know, you can't buy him.
Whereas apparently she's available for several for several million dollars.
You know, let me just say this.
When the idiots at Fox and Friends are stating the obvious about Hillary Clinton, you know, she's a flawed candidate.
Even Steve Deucey gets the fact that Donald Trump isn't bought, yet she's for sale.
That's right.
And people who work for Murdoch certainly can recognize someone else who's bought.
That's the beauty there.
So they know it takes one to know one.
And they, when they see Hillary, they go, oh, she's just like us.
She's saying stuff that people are paying her to say.
She's towing the line of the establishment because she's getting millions and millions of dollars.
You know, the fact that Hillary can be bought, it makes her the better candidate for the establishment.
That is the establishment is choosing a candidate to protect itself.
And that candidate is Hillary Clinton.
You know, Hillary and the Bushes, Hillary and the Bushes, all establishment wasps who went to Yale.
They're all war enthusiasts, and they have the same money friends in our corrupt system.
That's our system.
That's why we need a revolution.
That's our system.
I love that Trump's advocating xenophobia is suspect to establishment Republicans.
Yet Ted Cruz, who was saying the exact same stuff, they didn't have a problem backing him.
Isn't that weird?
There you go.
Fox and Friends and Friends.
They can tear.
They just tore Hillary Clinton down in under 30 seconds.
I mean, with laser precision.
Yeah, Donald Trump can't be bought.
Apparently, she can be bought with a couple of them.
She's for sale, million dollar boat.
Steve Doocy.
I say, if you're a Hillary Clinton supporter, it's time for you to freak out.
Hey, I don't know if you're like me, but you get kind of tired of hearing elected MOFOs lie about climate change and deny science Because they're getting paid to do so.
And, you know, we don't need to get money out of politics.
We don't need to get money out of politics.
But what?
Half the country denies science.
What's wrong with money in politics?
So there's nothing wrong.
Barco Baba takes money.
So, what was that again?
Back of Baba.
Yeah, thank you.
And so here is, you know, Mr. Was it Dana Rohrbacher?
Is that how you say his name?
Yeah, yeah.
So he's one of these jagoffs who's science denying he's getting money from fossil fuels and all that stuff, and he panders to dummies and he's anti-science.
Then they wonder how Donald Trump happened.
Wow, if you dumb down your base for 40 years, turns out you get Donald Trump.
So here, let's listen to him.
He was talking to, I think it was Alan Grayson at a hearing in the Congress, and he goes on and on about the climate change.
And I think Alan Grayson kind of has the best comeback ever.
Let's just listen to it.
What we have here and the hundreds of millions of dollars, if not billions of dollars that we're talking about, is all based on the idea that CO2 is heating our planet.
And this theory, which we have to all understand, pushing this theory, this administration, is basically by doing, putting such an emphasis on it, being willing to sign agreements that put enormous power in the hands of global decision makers instead of just American decision makers,
as well as have a tremendous impact on jobs and especially in the coal industry where we're talking about tens of thousands of jobs that are being lost.
I mean, I'm very happy to hear we're trying to do something to help them come through a crisis when men and women who have earned a living and supported their families, all of them, are now just being thrown out because of a theory regarding my.
You know, science, that theory that's called science, that's peer-reviewed.
You know, that whole thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, a theory.
Okay, here we go.
And from California, and what he just said, if he thinks that carbon dioxide doesn't cause any human health problems, I invite him to put a plastic bag over his head, tie it tightly around his neck, and see what happens next.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, wow.
We need more guys like that in the Congress.
We need more guys like that.
We need more guys like Alan Grayson.
Go ahead.
You don't put carbon dioxide not dangerous?
Put a plastic bag over your head.
You bought Jagoff, you ignoramus on purpose.
I think actually Dane has already done that a few times.
I think he has done that a few times.
I think he's in the blackout game.
I think he does that a lot.
Yeah, he's into choking when he has sex with, so that costs more.
And anyway, there you go.
That's your government.
One guy's saying the other guy's completely crazy because of money in politics.
One guy not bought by money in politics, the other guy completely bought.
I wonder why things are screwed up.
Thank you.
you Hey, so guess what?
Turns out regulatory agencies in America aren't doing the best job.
I was reading Bloomberg.
Bloomberg said this denied breaks.
U.S. poultry workers wear diapers on the job.
What?
Why do you need unions?
What?
Come on.
Why do you need to get money out of politics?
Come on.
What?
So people who make the process the chicken that we all eat, they have to wear diapers on the line so the guy who employs them can make an extra nickel.
Come on.
What's wrong with that?
That's capitalism, baby.
What do you got against people making profits?
So this is from Bloomberg.
Workers in plants run by the largest U.S. poultry producers are regularly being denied bathroom breaks.
As a result, some are reduced to wearing diapers while working on the processing line.
Oxfam America said in a report on Wednesday.
The report cited unnamed workers from Tyson Foods, Pilgrim's Pride, and Purdue Farms and Sanderson Farms, all of those, who said that supervisors mock them, ignore requests, and threaten punishment or firing if they want to go to the bathroom.
When they can go, they wait in long lines, even though they are given limited time to go to the bathroom, sometimes 10 minutes, according to the report.
Some workers have urinated or defecated themselves while working because they can't hold on any longer.
The report said some workers restrict intake of liquids and fluids to dangerous degrees.
This is from the report from Oxfam America.
There was a response from Tyson Chicken.
I bet it was really good.
We do not tolerate the refusal.
We do not tolerate the refusal of requests to use the restroom.
Purdue said in an email response that the, quote, anecdotes reported are not consistent with the company's policies and practices.
I bet.
What did you expect them to say, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
We make our employees shit in a diaper while they make your chicken.
You got a problem with that?
Pilgrim's Pride said in an emailed statement that, quote, any allegations of the nature claimed by Oxfam is, if proven, would be clear violations of company policy and would result in disciplinary action.
So that's what them say, hey, we're not on board for we don't know what's going on in our own plants.
We didn't know this was happening.
If this is happening, boy, oh boy, we're certainly going to be upset about it.
Quote, we value our team members and treat them with respect, according to an email statement from Tyson.
The company is, quote, concerned about these anonymous claims.
And while we currently have no evidence that they're true, really?
Then why don't you sue Oxfam if they're lying?
If this whole report is full of lies and not untruths, why don't you sue them?
Oh, because they're true, because it's true, because it's true, probably.
Probably true.
Well, we have currently no evidence they're true, and we are checking to make sure our position on restroom breaks is being followed and our team members' needs are being met.
So they're like, we are going to make sure that we're all about taking care of those guys.
And if they're not being taken, we're going to double check to make sure these people who we employ as managers and have a handbook, corporate handbook, make sure that they're doing the right thing.
So there you go.
There you go.
So touchdown, Chick-fil-A.
Gives a whole new meaning to McNuggets.
It does give a whole new meaning to the McNugget.
Not a good one either.
No.
Was there ever a good meaning to McNugget?
No, there specially isn't one now.
You know, Jimmy, I remember one time we were out and having dinner, and the manager befriended us, and she was really nice to us, and suddenly she turned to us and she said, oh, yeah, these employees, they try to take advantage of us.
Now I have to have them ask me when they can use the restroom.
That is correct.
I was at a restaurant.
We knew the manager at this restaurant, and she was disparaging the workers who work there.
And she said, they have to ask permission to go to the bathroom now.
And that was it?
We didn't return to that restaurant.
That was it.
We never went back to that restaurant.
Because I don't know if I can sit there and be waited on by people I know who are being treated horribly.
You know, I don't know.
Yet, yet, which is why I don't go to Soup Plantation because the way I was treated, I didn't work there.
I just don't like Soup Plantation.
It's a plantation.
It's more of a plantation than a restaurant.
You're calling it Plantation.
Soup Plantation.
What a great name.
Rough oppression.
Yeah.
Why don't you guys open up in Compton?
See how it goes.
Soup Plantation.
Before that, it was called Soup Concentration Camp.
Not a good name.
First, they called it Soup and Salad Auschwitz.
And that did not go.
They tried soup concentration camp.
Then they settled on Soup Plantation.
But I really love their bacon bitbergs.
That's great on the salads.
Great.
Bacon Bitbergs.
Bacon Bitberg.
This thing on.
It is on.
So Donald Trump is causing a lot of problems for the Republicans.
You know, right now, Paul Ryan, you know, Ryan said the guy was this, you know, he said all the bad things about him.
And then when Trump came out and said this stuff about Muslims, Ryan was like, that's unbelievable.
That's horrible.
That shouldn't be part of our dialogue at all.
Trump is horrible.
And now he's the nominee.
And Paul Ryan is supposed to be the chairman of the convention.
It's really tough.
So it's tough for the Republicans, right?
It's tough.
It's tough for them to have to take ownership of the monster they created.
After 30 years of the Southern strategy, after 20 years of the foxification of the Republican Party, this is what you get, and you can't stop it.
It's out of control.
And so I thought this was funny.
I saw this tweet the other day.
51% of Republicans say their party will remain divided after the primary.
Funny how Republicans don't shame their base like Democrats do, which is, that is true.
Republicans fear their base.
Democrats mock their base.
That is exactly what happens.
That's exactly what happened in this election.
Oh, grow up.
The kids are fairy dust, all that stuff about progressives.
They don't do that to conservatives and the Republican Party.
They do not do that.
And by the way, 50% of Republicans say their party will remain divided.
So that's about split evenly over whether they're going to be able to come together.
Isn't that ironic?
Hey, we'll be able to come together.
Yes, I think so.
No, I don't.
Hey, are we going to be able to come together?
Yeah.
No, I think we will.
I don't think we're going to come together.
This is what's happening in the Republican Party.
It's kind of ironic, right?
I'm confident that this fractured Republicans will unite around their candidate of choice eventually, Hillary Clinton.
Hillary Clinton.
They'll take the safer, they'll take the Segford conservative, which will be Hillary Clinton.
That's the monster they created.
That is the Hillary Clinton.
Is a unicorn in that she is a fake Democrat and fake progressive.
But the point here, Jim, is that I think the Republicans are split over whether they're going to be able to come together.
I think the Republicans are split over whether they're going to be able to come together.
Oh, we have so much more to say.
We have so much more to say about all these things, but we don't have time in this podcast to do that.
And if you'd like to hear us say more things about more things, you have to get the premium.
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It's nothing.
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You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, you click on Join Premium, and when you join Premium, you get access to all the bonus content that we've been delivering.
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You're doing the right thing.
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Thanks, everybody who does that.
We really appreciate it.
Okay, guess what?
That's it for this week.
This show, that's it.
We did it.
We did the show.
I'll see you May 20th and 21st at the Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank.
But today's show was written by Mike McRae, Frank Conniff, Jim Earl, Stephen Zamorano, and Mark Van Landuit.
All the voices performed by the one and the only, the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Hey, if you haven't checked out our YouTube show, do so now.
Go over to youtube.com slash thejimmy door show and you can check out all the stuff that doesn't make it into the show.
There's also stuff we only do on video.
There's a lot of stuff to see over there.
Youtube.com slash thejimmy door show.
Okay, that's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Dore saying you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not.
Do not freak out.
I'm not do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
Do not do not do not do not do not do not.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
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I'm not do not freak out.
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I'm not kidding.
Don't shut the fuck up the phone.
Do not freak.
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Don't bring out.
Don't don't bring out.
Don't don't don't don't dump the motherfucking don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
I'm not in it.
Don't don't you don't bring it out.
Don't go through.
Do not freak.
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Do not do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not getting it.
Not freak out.
Not freak out.
Don't bring out.
Don't freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't bring out.
Don't freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Do not, do not.
I'm not, I'm not.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak out.
Freak out.
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