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Aug. 8, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
So I'm reading about Planned Parenthood.
And on the periphery of the page while I'm scrolling down, I keep reading little headlines like, these girls would be hot if it weren't for.
Or ugly celebrities that have had work done.
Or 18 celebrities who would be ugly without fame.
Next to a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker without makeup.
Painful.
Our society loves to look and fantasize about pretty women with perfect figures that make us all feel inferior and then shit on them because they're aging.
That is our way, USA.
Our society overtly sexualizes women by using their bodies to sell everything from cars to burgers.
I can't just watch a commercial about the best new burger with bacon, but I also get the chance to watch a busty blonde girl in short shorts biting into a juicy burger.
I get a boner just thinking about it.
Don't you?
Everyone wants to use women to sell their products, but they don't want those same women to have access to birth control or at the very least, access to health care.
Jeb Bush, yes, that Jeb Bush announced he couldn't figure out why we needed to spend $500 million on women's health care.
Hey, ladies.
And I do mean ladies.
And if you're one of those generation X, Y's, or Zs that can't figure out why it's important to vote, then get your head out of the sand.
And notice there are lots of really nice, God-fearing folks who don't care if you and your children have access to health care, just as long as you keep your legs shut and let men do the thinking for you.
Women don't need health care.
All we really need is a Bible, a prayer, an aspirin between our kneecaps.
Am I right, ladies?
Am I right?
It's true.
Funny because it's true.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to T Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Everybody, welcome to this week's show.
I am joined on the phone from New York City.
You know him you love him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
Oh, Frank, you sound very clear.
Your voice is very clear today.
I know.
Well, lucky for us, they just invented Skype the other day.
Thank God.
All right.
Also with me in the studio, hilarious comedian from Team Yasamura, Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
Ohio.
Across the board from me, you know her, you love her are from the miserable liberal bog, our resident Latina Steph Samarano.
Rola, Jimmy.
Hi, Steph.
Also running the board, hilarious comedian Michael Schertzer.
Hi, Michael.
Hey, what's up, Jimmy?
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
And, you know, this isn't political or anything, but a clean language and proper syntax and correct usage.
Those are the most important things to me.
I shit you not.
Yes.
Hey, did you hear about Lenny Kravitz?
I did.
He took a squat at a concert.
His pants ripped.
And you know what?
So what if everybody saw Lenny Kravitz's junk?
On the GOP debate stage, we're going to have to look at 10 dicks.
10 rights.
You know, Lenny Kravitz is a victim of Cockholm syndrome.
Where did it happen to him?
It happened in Sweden.
So this happened in Sweden, so that's why.
That joke makes complete sense.
That joke makes complete sense.
Yes.
Did you hear about Jeb Bush?
I've heard of him.
Jeb Bush made some statements on women's health care and planned porn.
He doesn't want to overfund women's health care.
That's what he's afraid of.
But there's no limit to the money he'd spend on penis-shaped missiles.
Let's remember that.
Did you hear about Chris Christie?
They asked him about birth control.
Good person to ask.
And he said, even though he's Catholic, he has used birth control.
And I believe Chris Christie when he said he's used birth control.
Saying he's used portion control would be way more far-fetched.
He's a large man.
Portion control.
Did you hear Chris Christie said that the teachers' union deserved a punch in the face?
And, you know, the teachers' unions have a very large percentage of women as their members.
And I guess this is Chris Christie wanting to punch them in the face.
That's part of the GOP's Outreach to Women program.
Well, it's nice to see that Chris Christie conducts diplomacy the same way 1950s sitcom characters dealt with their wives hey by the way Jimmy did you know what Chris Christie's favorite play is no what is his favorite play uh who's afraid of Virginia Hale yeah you know poor Chris Christie if it weren't for Donald Trump he'd be the disgraceful piece of shit asshole that everybody's talking about did
According to a new poll, Michael, did you apparently 75% of Hispanics have a negative view of Donald Trump?
But those are just the rapists.
Seriously, what are the other 30% doing?
Not answering that poll.
Yeah.
You know, the GOP.
Friends of the show.
They're having a lot.
They're very scattered.
They've got Donald Trump.
I got all these, you know, to bring clarity and coherence to the GOP debate, the RNC has hired the writers of True Detective Season 2 to work with the candidates.
That's a funny joke.
It's funny because that's a bad show.
That's a show.
Have you watched it?
It's confusing.
Very confusing.
Hey, you know what?
Vince Vaughn calls in later in the show to talk about Detective Season 2.
Oh, great.
Yes, this is going to be covered then this week's show.
What else is coming up on today's show?
We're going to talk about, hey, has the Republican Party moved farther to the right or the Democrats moved farther to the left?
The answer on Meet the Press just might surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, Elizabeth Warren has some words for the critics of Planned Parenthood.
And the alcoholic wife beater on MSNBC has some words for Elizabeth Warren.
We're going to check in with Morning Blowjob's response.
Plus, what did Republicans used to look like in the 90s and, chris christie really does want to punch some women in the face uh that plus phone calls from vince vaughan ripped horns hollywood drunk tank and mel gibson plus a lot lot more that's today on the jimmy door show This portion of the show is brought to you by Zilch.
We're talking Nada.
Yes, nothing has never looked so good.
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Just take a look at the stylish packaging.
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You'll be glad you did.
The Jimmy Dora show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
So you might remember back in July of 2010, Shirley Sherrod, she was forced to resign from her position at Georgia State Director of Rural Development for the United States Department of Agriculture after blogger Andrew Breitbart posted a selectively edited video of Shirley Sherrod's address to a March 2010 NAACP event on his website.
So there was a selective edited video that made her seem racist when she was actually doing the opposite.
And it was put out on a Breitbart website.
Very shortly thereafter, she was fired.
Barack Obama's administration fired her.
And it was a selectively, then they tried to apologize to her afterwards.
And you might also remember that in 2009, workers at offices of the Association of Community Organizers for Reform Now, or Acorn, so workers at ACON, they were recorded secretly in videos by conservative activist James O'Keefe.
He and Hannah Giles played a young couple who appeared to be receiving advice from the Acorn workers as to how to hide prostitution activities and avoid taxes.
These videos were also deceptively edited, although it didn't make a difference, and the Congress defunded Acorn and it is now defunct.
Jimmy, there is a bit of a happy ending, though.
Well, there was a bit of a happy ending.
Go ahead.
Yes, Andrew Breitbart died.
So there was no criminal activity taking place at Acorn.
So on March 15th, 2013, James O'Keefe agreed to pay fired Acorn employee Juan Carlos Vera $100,000 and issued a public apology as part of a lawsuit settlement.
Wow, strange I didn't hear about that news story as loudly as the original.
That's so crazy that never I never heard about that document.
So that was, again, another right-wing hit job, deceptively editing a video to make a false point.
But then it gets real action.
So when right-wingers...
It's not like they have a responsibility, like, say, a journalist.
The journalists or, say, the policymakers who employ these people.
So now enter the Center for Medical Progress.
That's an anti-abortion organization founded by Dave Dalyden.
I don't know how you say his name.
Great name.
Dave Dalyaden in 2013.
It was a fake biomedical research company called Biomax Procurement Services.
He set that up, Biomax Procurement Services, as a cover to pose to bifetal tissue and secretly recorded Planned Parenthood officials during the meeting.
So you've heard about these videos, how it shows that Planned Parenthood is selling aborted baby parts for profit.
Turns out they're not doing that.
In fact, the selective edited video edited out the part where the Planned Parenthood official says that we explicitly cannot sell this for profit.
That's not what this is.
That part got edited out of the video.
So that's been a discredited video.
Although if you listen to the public radio stations in town, besides KPFK, they won't tell you that.
I was listening to NPR's morning edition, and the way they frame it is the controversial videotape.
It's not controversial.
It's been debunked and discredited.
How about the discredited?
Right.
So there's nothing illegal going on.
We all know the situation was that women who were going in to have abortions asked that the fetal tissue be donated to science, just like when someone dies and they want to donate their body to science.
It's the same thing.
And that has gone on to help research and help lots of other people live healthy lives.
So there's nothing illegal going on.
It was doctored, selectively edited to give a misrepresentation of what's happening in Planned Parenthood.
So we've seen this before.
So again, I'm sure the media, especially the liberal media, is going to be hip to this, and they're going to catch it right away, right?
Isn't that what's going to happen?
I would hope so.
Well, enter Morning Joe Ball or Morning Blowjob.
Which I call Mika and her fella.
Yes.
That's what I'm saying.
Mika and her fella.
Before I get into this, let me just say I'm for Planned Parenthood.
I'm for Planned Robinhood, okay?
If proper precautions are taken, Kevin Costner should never be cast in another movie again.
But let's just remember, Republicans don't want to fund killing babies unless it's war, which kills actual babies.
Yes.
And just so we're clear, no federal money is used by Planned Parenthood for abortions.
Just so we're clear.
And also, one in five women in this country gets their primary care medical services from Planned Parenthood.
And Bobby Jindal just took funding away for Medicaid for Planned Parenthood in Louisiana, which does not do anything about abortion and Planned Parenthood.
So the only thing he achieved was he took away the ability of poor women to be pre-screened for cervical cancer.
Right, yes.
As a political football, to make political points, right?
This is the level of scum that is the main people in the Republican Party.
So Republicans, Frank, they hate a woman's right to choose, including their right to choose to donate their fetuses to medical research, which improves the lives of adults, children, and babies.
They're against that.
You say the women have the right to do this.
And Planned 400 only does it with their approval, and there's nothing illegal about it.
This is correct.
And it actually helps people.
Yes, so this is all correct, what Frank is saying.
And we all know this, and we're comedians.
But what are they doing with all the babies?
And so if I say that, I say this, if the right wing wants to ban abortion, then have the guts to try banning abortion.
Defunding Planned Parenthood is their weasel way of pleasing their base without taking any political risks.
And when they had the Senate and the Congress and the White House for six years, they did nothing to try to defend it, and They did nothing to try to reverse Roe v.
Wade.
All of this anti-abortion stuff is strictly for fundraising.
Yes.
And they would hate it if Roe v.
Wade went away or if Planned Parenthood or similar organizations went away.
Right.
They're like how Dick Cheney and George Bush felt about Osama bin Laden.
They had to have him around.
Right.
They needed an enemy.
All right.
So here's Elizabeth Warren.
She spoke plainly and sensibly on the Senate floor about what's been happening with Planned Parenthood.
And I'm going to play a little bit of that for you right now.
Republican colleagues had a question.
Do you have any idea what year it is?
Did you fall down, hit your head, and think you woke up in the 1950s or the 1890s?
Should we call for a doctor?
Let's be really clear about something.
The Republican scheme to defund Planned Parenthood is not some sort of surprised response to a highly edited video.
Nope.
It's just one more piece of a deliberate, methodical, orchestrated right-wing attack on women's rights.
So whenever a liberal speaks clearly and forcefully in favor of liberal principles that most of the country supports, it's only a matter of time before MSNBC paints that person as an over-the-top, unreasonable firebrand who turns people off.
Right.
So first, but first, so here's Morning Blowjob, and here's what he has to say about what Elizabeth Warren just had to say, which was very true, very honest.
And it's like she's saying, hey, water's wet.
It's like we all know what she's saying is an exact truism, right?
She's saying that the Planned Parenthood people, the people who are against Planned Parenthood, are against women's health.
They always have been.
This isn't about these videos.
This is about them using any means necessary to try to deny health care to women.
Yes.
Yes.
So here's what Morning Blowjob said.
I don't know what was acceptable in 1890 or what was shocking in 1950.
The Archbishop of Chicago said, have we so muted the humanity of the unborn child that some consider it acceptable to speak freely about crushing a child's skull to preserve valuable body parts?
I like that he, this journalist's instinct on MSNBC's news channel, his instinct to counter a senator on the Senate floor is to then quote backward child raping religious leaders as if they have insight into anything that's happening in the 21st century.
These are people who still think girls are icky and shouldn't be in positions of power.
Of course, they're not going to understand that a woman has a right to control her own reproductive system.
But this is Joe Scarborough's go-to.
This is his go-to.
On a morning news show, he starts...
It has nothing to do.
A child's head getting crushed to sell body parts, which doesn't happen, is not happening in these heavily edited Planned Parenthood videos.
It's complete bullshit, would he say?
And what a terrible appeal to authority.
Like, if you're going to appeal to authority, don't appeal to the local bishop in Chicago.
Like, go to the Pope or something, you know?
So, Scar, you know what?
Scarborough can help stop abortions by stopping committing the biggest abortion on TV news networks ever allowed on their TV screens called The Morning Joe.
Anyway, so here he's got, he's got some more, and he's got some more BS for good measure.
A defenseless unborn children is callously disgusted over lunch.
Unlike the callous emotional bullying over breakfast on Morning Joe.
A woman who spoke yesterday on the Senate floor talks about a sheer disdain for human dignity and a complete disregard for women.
But enough about Joe Scarborough.
So he's sitting there and he's doing that fake.
He's doing that fake, that fake, overly serious thing that I'm going to be really, this is about babies.
And he's talking really softly.
Lest something terrible happened yesterday.
Yeah, and no one's interrupting.
By the way, there's a bunch of grown-ups who are highly paid professional skeptics, by the way, sitting around him.
Go ahead, Frank.
Mark Halpern, Mike Barnacle, and Mika Brzezinski.
And Mika are all sitting there.
And Halpern and Barnacle and Willie Geist are all just sitting there silently through the entire segment.
Nobody challenges him on anything he's saying.
To me, that's the most, when you watch it visually, for me, Morning Joe, that visual element is not just his crazy ranting, but these grown men sitting there and acting as if he's an alcoholic dad.
Exactly.
And they're just waiting and hoping that the breakfast will end before he lashes out at them and they're not saying anything.
And they're hoping everybody's walking on eggshells and it's really tense.
And all these people who are paid to give their opinions are the last thing they're going to do is give their opinion during this segment.
It's like the angry rageaholic hour.
Exactly.
So Mika tries to push.
But hang on, let me play one more clip and then we'll get to Mika's pushback.
Hang on.
And there are pro-choice people who believe fervently in the right of a woman to choose.
You are equally repulsed, disgusted by those videos.
That's not true, Joe.
are people who are pro-choice people who are if they're disgusted at those videos it's because of you misinforming them about those videos and that woman sitting next to you and those three lumps of crap sitting across from you who won't interrupt you to correct you on a news show as you sit there on pontificate inaccurately borderline lying because you either if you don't know this is a debunked already news story because
i know it and i'm a comedian frank conif knows it and he's a comedian we all know it you are on a news show with all the resources of nbc news one of the biggest news organizations in the world that also has enough money to pay luke russert you have all these resources and you still are ignorant to it and those four columnists sitting around you they're also ignorant to it mike barnacle mister i'm such a real guy i won't even fix my teeth doesn't have the guts to tell
you to your face that you're full of it and what you're doing is lying to their audience nobody has the guts to do that mark halpern doesn't have the guts to willie geist is it certainly going to do it because that would take guts to straighten out the alcoholic father who's raging on a news show at six in the morning and willie geist uh doesn't want to ruin his chances to be the next host of the today show so he's not going to say that's true he's in He's kind of in line for that.
And so he's not going to create any waves.
So here is Mika trying.
She's going to try and push back a little.
And there are pro-choice people who believe fervently in the right of a woman to choose.
You are equally repulsed, disgusted by those videos.
And more videos are coming out, and they will be worse.
They're really bad.
Did you hear her?
They will be worse.
Mika's sitting there going, they're really bad.
They're really bad.
They're really bad.
Yes, because even though she's going to push back against Joe a little bit, she has to reassure him that she's on his side.
I'm still your devoted, battered wife.
Yes.
And I'm not going to upset things too much.
Even though, please, I'm about to disagree with you slightly.
Please don't hit me.
Don't hit me.
Don't hit me.
And don't hit the boy anymore.
They won't be worse.
And for Elizabeth Warren to try to fight.
He says, try to conflate.
For some reason, it dropped out.
But he says, for Elizabeth Warren to conflate the right of a woman to choose with the horrors and the callousness and the grotesqueness of what was discussed over lunch is really unfortunate.
So Joe is accusing Elizabeth Warren of conflating a woman's right to choose with selling baby parts for profit.
What actually Joe's doing is the exact thing he's claiming she's doing.
Right.
No.
And by the way, and we talked about this already, the disgusting for-profit discussion is about like $30 to $100 to cover shipping.
To cover shipping costs.
And there people are making this out like, oh, Planned Parenthood.
They're so greedy.
They're trying to make $30 by selling baby parts.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, Lloyd Blankafine is trying to buy a sixth house by kicking you out of your first.
There's a lot more to our discussion about Morning Joe, but right now, here's a phone call from Vince Vaughn.
Hello.
Hey, Vince, this is Jimmy.
Jimmy, who?
This is Jimmy Door, buddy.
How are you, Jimmy Dor show?
Jimmy, goddamn it.
Why do you keep calling me?
What is this about?
I do a political comedy show.
You're calling me.
First of all, you don't agree with me.
So why bother?
We're on different sides.
We're down the same page.
Vince, I just like talking to you.
Okay.
Well, you know, if you want to, if you like talking to me, we're going to talk about what I want to talk about.
And I'm excited this week.
The big finale of True Detective Season 2.
It's coming out Sunday.
It's the greatest show on television.
It's very exciting.
Well, that's actually what I want to talk to you about because a lot of people have been very critical of this season of True Detective.
Oh, yeah.
Well, yeah, there's a lot of bags of shit out there.
Kick them aside.
When you walk down the sidewalk and you see a bag of shit, what are you like?
Turn around and go home.
No, you can kick that fucker off, but don't ever think about it.
Yeah, I know there's creeps.
People, Vince, people are saying that this wasn't as compelling as season one.
What the fuck are they talking about?
This is a great season.
You kidding me?
First of all, I'm in it.
I played a gangster.
That's compelling.
I got a wife with fucking big tits walking around sad.
That's awesome.
I got Colin Farrell crying about his fat kid.
You know, he got the TV problem in here.
Taylor Kitch is gay.
Now he's dead.
You're a dead gay guy.
And then you got like, you know, sex parties and crime.
And what, you know, I don't understand.
People don't think it's compelling.
I don't know.
What?
Like, not as compelling as last season?
Would he need more just fucking rednecks or something?
No, Vince, people are way confused by what's going on this season.
What are people stupid?
Very clear what's going on.
I mean, you know, basically, you know, you were talking about easements and, you know, getting a rail line through a certain set of counties.
You know, there's financing that goes on, that sort of thing.
I mean, and also, you know, there's weird people in masks.
I don't understand why people aren't, you know, completely.
What do you mean?
You don't understand it.
Well, listen, Vince, what's next for you?
Well, I don't know.
I'm kind of at the top of the world right now.
I'm in a Vince Vonnigance.
I got a Vince Vonnigan's going on.
I got that.
True detective bump to my career.
I'm a fucking king of TV.
I'm the tallest guy in that show.
Yes, you are.
So I'll try to go on, you know, maybe I'll just be on fucking Game of Thrones or some shit.
You know what I mean?
I'll just walk in there and say, put me on this fucker.
Yeah, you know, Vince, I don't think that's quite how it works.
Why not?
HBO loves me, baby.
I'll be on Game of Thrones.
I've never seen it.
But I can perspective, you know, whatever.
I'll be a dragon or a guy who turns into.
Do they even have that on there?
I'm already come up with ideas for myself.
Do they have guys who turn into dragons?
They got guys, they got dragons, but is there like a hybrid?
How fucking great would that be?
Vince Vaughn turns into a dragon on your television.
I'd buy eight TVs if I do that with acting.
They haven't going at the same time in my house.
I mean, yeah, I'll be on any show.
What's your favorite?
What's your favorite TV program, Dork?
Shark Tank.
Shark Tank?
I'd be perfect for Shark Tank.
You would be perfect for Shark Two.
But you're not a, but you would have to pitch a product because I don't think you're.
No, I'd be a what do you try to pitch?
I don't pitch fuck.
I'd be a judge.
Yeah, but they're not.
People come up to me with their dumb little ideas and I tell them to go back home.
No, they're not judges.
They're potential investors.
So I don't think you have enough money to be an investor.
Like they have hundreds of, they have billions of dollars, those people.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Yeah, they have like several billion dollars each, I think, those people.
Hey, you know what?
I'll take out a loan.
I'm good for it.
I'm Vince Vaughn.
I'll pay it back.
Which then begs the question.
It just shows you the lure of fame, that they want to be on television.
Like, why do they want to do that show?
Why do they care?
They can't find stuff to invest in?
Of course they can.
They got more people knocking on their door every day.
They just want to be on TV.
So now they want to be bugged at restaurants.
So now they want to be rich and have to face the wall everywhere they eat.
What the fuck are we talking about?
I don't know.
We're talking about shark targets.
You better edit that out.
There was way too much talking on your part for the Vince Vaughn phone call.
Yeah, listen, Vince, I just want to, I love your response to the minimum wage because I asked you your stance on the minimum wage.
Do you believe in a minimum wage?
I believe in a maximum wage.
That's what I earn.
Why are you aiming for minimum?
Go for maximum, baby.
Live a life.
Sit around, feel sorry for yourself.
This is America.
Go out there and be something.
Don't get shot.
Okay.
All right, Vince.
All right, baby.
Are you going to watch Shad Finale on Sunday?
You know what?
I'll have to do a binge watch because I haven't watched.
And even though you're my favorite actor, I haven't watched any of the true detective yet.
It's just part of my campaign to not engage in our culture outside of shark tank cooking shows and news.
Yeah, that's really an odd stance for someone who should be editing.
But hey, you know what?
Whatever, whatever helps you navigate the skilled career system this life, right?
Yeah, I saw it's the only way I can get through it.
All right, I got to go fuck fake.
Okay, good to talk to you, Vince.
Bye-bye.
All right.
Bye-bye, baby.
Big vaude, ladies and gentlemen.
Big small.
Calls me baby.
Mel Gibson and Rip Torn's Hollywood drunk tank are coming up in the second half, but right now we're up against a break.
We'll be right back in one minute.
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How do I do that, Jimmy?
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It's just that easy.
Okay, let's get back to the second half of the show, and big thanks to everybody for your support.
Hey, welcome back to the second half of the Jimmy Door show.
Mel Gibson calls in later, plus Rip Torn's Hollywood drunk tank.
But right now, let's get back to our discussion in the studio.
And what we're talking about is Morning Joe is pretending that that already debunked Planned Parenthood undercover video about them selling baby parts, which has been debunked.
Joe, Morning Joe Scarborough is pretending that that's a legitimate video.
And he's outraged that Elizabeth Warren is outraged at the right-wing's attack on Planned Parenthood.
And so let's rejoin our conversation and how wrong MSNBC's Joe Scarborough is about this.
Now, here comes the complete and full embrace of an already debunked falsehood piece.
No, Elizabeth Warren talking about the 1950s and the 1890s.
She can talk about it all she wants.
There's a great quote.
I don't know the source, but it goes something like, Just because we are not shocked by what shocked our grandmothers does not mean we are more advanced than our grandmothers.
So, Joe.
I have no idea what that meant.
So, what Joe Scarborough is saying is that because we're not shocked, it's like this would shock our grandmothers to hear that there's abortions happening and people are selling baby parts.
And he's saying that our grandmothers would be shocked, but the fact that we in this polite society aren't shocked by that news doesn't mean that we're more advanced than our grandmothers.
He's saying that we're going backwards.
We're becoming less human.
But you know what, Joe?
Your grandmother would be shocked that she could go to the police after your grandfather punched her in the face during a drunken rage.
Your grandmother would be shocked by that too.
Your grandmother would also be shocked that she could get treatment for the gonorrhea your emotionally abusive grandfather gave her from the town's whorehouse.
Your grandmother would also be shocked to see that the coloreds are allowed to drink out of the same water fountain as her, Joe.
Your grandmama from the 1890s would be shocked that she's even allowed to fucking vote.
And can I say, just, and I'm tooting my own horn here, my grandmother, her name was Mary Abel Watson.
And if you look that up in the history of feminism, you will find she's one of the great proponents of a woman's right to choose long before it was legal.
And she would be delighted to hear this conversation.
She would be delighted to hear Elizabeth Warren.
She would be delighted to know that a woman has a legal right to a safe abortion.
Yeah, I wonder if he's talking about those grandmothers who like marched in the street for Roe v.
Wade.
Yeah, exactly.
You know, the women who lobbied the politicians, people who wrote amicus briefs, Robert's grandmother.
Right, exactly.
So, you know what else?
My grandmother desperately wanted an abortion.
I admit that I'm only here because she couldn't get one.
I still support rumors right to choose.
You know, Joe, your grandmother would be shocked at the advancements in medical treatment that saves lives thanks to donated fetuses to medical research.
That would also shock your grandmother, but it wouldn't shock us.
Yes.
So here comes Mika accent on the meek.
Here she comes.
She makes a strong counter argument.
By the way, we put Mika, but she's at least she's saying something on this panel of alpha males who are too afraid to, they don't utter a word and they don't make a sound.
Not a peep.
Not a peep.
At least Mika makes a strong Carter, a counter argument, Frank, by blinking her eyes and turning her head to the side.
Yeah, she's like the prisoner who's like blinking out the Morse code for help me.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
So that's really literally what she does.
You can't see.
She turns her head to the camera and starts blinking.
Like, can you believe?
Anyway, so here, here's more.
So here, here comes Mika's pushback.
Here it comes.
Ready?
Okay, but just to be clear here, she's talking about the issue of defunding Planned Parenthood and its services.
She's not talking about what's going on in these videos.
So that could, again, thank God she said that.
She couldn't say it in a gentler way after this guy's just been foaming at the mouth like a maniac with all this histrionics and drama and actual conflating and actual conflating.
And here she is saying, no, actually, Joe, I have to tell you, you got it wrong.
She's talking about an organization whose leadership is in a way.
And there are more.
It's going to be very interesting to see how many Americans.
She just starts agreeing with him.
So he starts interrupting her, and she immediately starts agreeing with him.
He starts interrupting.
You're saying there's going to be more videos.
She's like, yep, I know.
Yep, you're right.
You're right.
This is so gross.
And nobody is pointing out that the videos that they're talking about were heavily edited.
Heavily edited?
And they've been debunked.
They have been thoroughly debunked.
Thoroughly debunked.
And no one even brings up, hey, Joe, don't you think if there was anything going on here that this video suggests is going on, that there'd be criminal charges fired?
Mark Halperin's job is to check the facts on things.
And this is a big story.
Mark Halperin, at some point, looked at the videos.
He saw what they were really about, and he chose not to say anything here, and he chose to distort the story because he has no fucking integrity whatsoever.
Whatsoever.
Frank, the Wall Street Journal editorial page took this story down.
The Wall Street Journal editorial page took down these debunked videos.
They debunked them.
And so for Mark Halperin to sit there and pretend that he doesn't know that what Joe's saying is complete and utter bull crap is, again, shows he has zero integrity, and it's why people get their news from the Jimmy Door show.
Well, it's crazy.
On YouTube and YouTube.
That's why people get people.
Who watches the news on the YouTube?
People who are informed.
Yeah.
That's who watches the news on YouTube and listens to the Jimmy Door show.
People who aren't bullshitted by corporate media.
They can get away with this.
This is now a core part of the Republican playbook: you can continue to push forward a lie for basically forever.
There are still huge percentages of the population who think that there are weapons of mass destruction.
Yep.
They can push forward this kind of lie over and over again.
I mean, Benghazi, all they have to do is keep saying it.
So there's more to this clip.
Let me play it.
It's going to be very interesting to see how many Americans really believe that their tax dollars should go to fund this organization.
Planned Parenthood is not synonymous with women's health.
Yes, it is.
And by the way, polls have just come out.
Planned Parenthood's popularity among the general public has not gone down at all since all of this happened.
Really?
It's just, yes, it's just within the bubble of the beltway that this is an issue.
This is not an issue to most Americans.
Most Americans are perfectly fine with Planned Parenthood and don't give a shit about these videos.
The only time it becomes an issue is when they lose access to it.
Yes.
Have women's health.
Or you can have an organization that takes care of women's health without having the number one abortion provider who speaks so callously over lunch about the harvesting of unborn children.
That didn't happen.
That's not what happened in that video.
He's making that up.
It's complete nonsense.
So Mika starts off by pushing back.
This is how she starts off this clip.
Listen.
Okay, but with, you know, just to be clear here, she's talking about the issue of defunding Planned Parenthood.
And here's how she ends the video.
Honestly, over lunch about the harvesting of unborn children.
This story's going to get a lot bigger.
So that was that clip.
So here's the final clip.
Here's where Mika does her one last meek try to push back against rageaholic Joe Scarborough at the breakfast table where all the little kids are afraid to speak back to daddy because daddy's going to slap them across the face.
There are troubling things on those tapes and everybody needs to open their eyes and see that instead of reflexively talking about light-wing attacks on a woman's right to choose.
Reflexively talking about right-wing attacks on a woman's right to choose.
You know, Joe, could you please enlighten us about the left-wing attacks on women's right to choose?
Are there other right-wings?
Here we go.
Okay.
Please stop insulting our intelligence, Elizabeth Warren.
Stop.
Stop insulting our intelligence, Elizabeth Warren.
That's mourning Joe's job.
Okay, coming up, we'll have a deeper conversation about this because I'm not sure that's what she was doing.
Of course it was.
Because she's not, I'm not sure that's what she was doing.
You're not sure.
Of course you're sure.
You're sure what she was doing, Mika.
Why do you pretend like you don't know and say it in the meekest way possible to Joe Scrub?
Why don't you just say that's not what she's doing at all, Joe, and you got it wrong.
And by the way, everybody who watches this show knows you're wrong.
Yeah.
Everybody watching right now knows you're out of your mind.
That you're doing bad journalism.
You're doing a disservice to our viewers.
And these three lumps are sitting here because they don't want to lose their five grand a week they get from the show.
Right.
And they're all Halpern, Barnacle, and Geist.
They remind me of the people in that Twilight Zone episode where Billy Mummy can wish people into the coronavirus.
And they're really worried that he's going to turn them into a jack in the box or something and they can't say anything.
It was about funding Planned Parenthood, not about what's going on in these videos.
You can be for funding Planned Parenthood and against what's happening in those videos.
You can also be for a woman's right to choose for funding this sort of organization.
Does Mika Brzezinski mention Planned Parenthood as our nation's largest provider of female productive health services?
Does she mention that Planned Parenthood mostly provides contraception, pregnancy counseling, child health preparation, and screening for cervical and breast cancer?
Does she mention that less than 5% of Planned Parenthood's activities have anything to do with abortion?
Does she mention in most states, Planned Parenthood does not provide abortion and that no federal funding goes to abortion procedures because of the Hyde Amendment?
Nope.
And by the way, that law was signed by Bill Clinton.
A news program is supposed to stop the spread of bullshit.
Not serve it up.
Not serve it up with your eggs and coffee.
And Joe Scarborough is full of shit well into the third trimester.
Ah!
This is Jimmy.
Hi.
It's Mel.
Mel Gibson.
Hey, how are you doing, Mr. Gibson?
Come on, Jimmy.
Just call me Mel.
No need to be old prep school secret homosexual about it, okay?
Okay, Mel.
Why are you calling?
You know, just to talk.
No one really wants to talk to me anymore.
And why do you think that is, Mel?
Because I tell the truth that everyone can't handle it.
It's just too intense for most people.
What kind of truth are you telling that people can't handle Mel?
Like the police department is controlled by Jews.
First of all, that's offensive.
And second of all, that's not even a little bit true.
No, it's true.
They put on blackface and Mexican face, whatever.
Under their police hats, they're wearing yarmucus.
And they play klezma music instead of that siren club like that.
It's super subtle, but if you look for the signs, they're as plain as some racist metaphor for things that are obvious.
So listen, I understand you're directing a new movie in Australia.
That's good news.
Do you want to tell everybody about that?
Well, yeah, that's right.
I'm not going to care to be award-winning director, see?
And now I'm making hex all-ridge about the Battle of Okinawa, where the Seventh-day Adventist guy, Desmond Doss, totally saved the shit out of everyone, even though he was a conscientious objector.
See?
Like a guy who everyone thinks is a religious nutball and then turns out to be a total hero.
And all you liberals have to shut the fuck up about it because he killed like a million of old fuckers, right?
Right?
Mel, Desmond Doss didn't kill anybody.
He was a medic.
He was awarded the Medal of Honor for saving many soldiers at great risk to himself.
First of all, how the fuck would you know that?
Second of all, yes, but also he took a flamethrower to all those little yellow devils.
And then everyone was like, oh, David, we're sorry.
We have a daddy.
He didn't catch you from working for eight years just because of your awesome religious convictions.
Okay, Mel, maybe we should unpack that what you just said there.
And it features alcohol bloke-faced actor Vince Fong.
Season two and couples retreat.
Are you and Vince friends?
Ah, sure.
We met drinking one night at a cock fight I held at my house every Thursday.
Cockfight Thursdays.
Now, do you and Vince share similar politics?
Ah, sure.
For instance, he also thinks my ex should be raped by a pack of you just got to stop saying things like that.
And that's very reasonable advice, except for one thing: I'm extremely drunk.
What I meant about you and Vince is that you're both ardent libertarians, right?
Do you mean we both love freedom?
Well, then, yes, Mr. Gestapo, guilty as charge.
It was just on my mind, Mel, because I was reading about this FDA supplement regulation law from 1994.
Oh, I bet you were doing some reading here, Himmler.
Mel, this law is terrible, and you actively supported its final form.
It pretty much lets the supplement industry get away with murder.
Which is their right.
And the FDA doesn't get to have a say in it until after the fact.
Jimmy, do you want the FDA stormtroopers coming into your house and taking away your vitamins and then raping your children?
Yeah, you did a commercial that implied what you just said to make sure the supplement industry wasn't regulated.
And it worked, fucker.
No one has ever come into my house and taken my vitamins at gunpoint.
You're welcome.
Mel, the fallout has been manufacturers making false claims left and right, like they can make people lose weight or they can treat cancer or they can make your penis bigger.
Maybe your penis, buddy, but not mine.
The beautiful uncut masterpiece, my slum.
Look, don't you see how terrible and basically dangerous this is to the American consumer?
I mean, it's basically making snake oil salesmen legal, Mel.
Don't knock snake oil, Jimmy.
It cures autism and other snake-related maladies.
No, it doesn't.
Look, it is every $33 billion industry's God-given right to make dangerously false claims that prey on Americans' deepest health fears.
Like, what if I'm fat or if I have cancer or a tawny slung?
Which I don't, by the way.
But if I did, some random guy should be able to say, give me $100 and I'll make your slum fucking huge and everyone will love you and you'll never know suffering again.
And what happens when that doesn't work, Mel?
The market sorts itself out because I can go buy a gun on the free market and hunt that salesman down and murder him in front of his family.
That's freedom, people.
Look at it.
Mel, you're ranting like an insane person.
Well, it was great talking to you, Jimmy Bright.
I did some pottery that needs to come out of the kiln.
You do pottery?
Yeah.
Bye.
Okay, that was Mel Gibson.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You have a Macintosh computer and it needs fixing.
Sean James can fix it for you right over the internet like he does for me.
Send them an email at mackhelp at seanjames.com.
Thank you.
Okay, now the debate.
Okay, now we all know the debate happened last night.
I was covering it for the Young Turks live on the YoungTurks.com network, and which I'll probably be covering all the debates with them.
But, you know, and we're going to get into the whole, but we're going to break down what we feel are the important parts of the Republican debate, even the afternoon one.
We have some comments on that one.
That's for the Jimmy Door show members.
We don't have time to get to in today's show.
I just want to make one quick point about last night's GOP debate.
And it was very revealing.
They asked Donald Trump about his money giving that he gives his campaign contributions.
He gives to politicians about how they're always coming asking him for money.
And it was a very interesting exchange because, well, here, I'll play it for you, and then I'll give you my comment.
If I ask him, if I need him, you know, most of the people on this stage I've given to, just so you understand, a lot of money.
Not me.
Not me.
But you're welcome to give me a check, Donald.
Many of them.
Actually, to be clear, not mine.
I have Donald, if you have a pain.
I hope you will give to me.
Good.
Sounds good.
Sounds good to me, Governor.
I will tell you that our system is broken.
I give to many people.
Before this, before two months ago, I was a businessman.
I give to everybody.
When they call, I give.
And you know what?
When I need something from them two years later, three years later, I call them.
They are there for me.
So that's a broken system.
What'd you get from Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi?
Well, I'll tell you what.
With Hillary Clinton, I said, be at my wedding, and she came to my wedding.
You know why?
She had no choice because I gave.
Okay, so there Donald Trump kind of blows the roof off of the sickness, the cancer at the core of our political system in America and what all the problems are pretty much caused by money and politics.
That Donald Trump, people like Donald Trump, people like Donald Trump who are repulsive to the majority of the electorate are actually the people getting laws passed, getting their language into bills, pulling the strings of our politicians to get laws passed that benefit them, that rig the system in their favor, right?
So he just revealed that he did that, that that's what the problem is.
In fact, he, and guess what?
Brett Baer never follows up.
Like, hey, is that a problem?
Do you think that's a problem in our politics?
Never asks another Republican candidate.
Doesn't it bother you that you need to go begging and licking the boots of people like Donald Trump So, you can become president?
Doesn't it make you sick that people like Donald Trump have more influence in our politics than regular working people?
Doesn't it bother you that the system is rigged in favor of people like Donald Trump, who most people find repulsive?
So, that question, that was it.
Donald Trump, like, he ripped the lid off of the problem with our country.
Literally, the problem with our country is that we don't have a representative democracy anymore.
It just represents the money donors that our politicians don't respond to their electorate, which was proven after the school shooting in Sandy Hook, right, in Newtown, and 90% of America wanted some kind of gun legislation.
We didn't get any, which proved that our system is broken and completely corrupt.
Donald Trump is saying it in another way right here during the GOP debate in primetime television, and not a nary a peep about it.
In fact, the other candidates, if you remember, if you heard them, they all immediately started joking, you can give to me, Donald.
They immediately started begging him for money on television, and they don't see that as a problem.
So, that was the one big problem I had with the, or one observation I had about the GOP debate last night.
And wow, was it stunning?
In fact, and no one else picked up on it.
By the way, I was watching some of the coverage afterwards.
No one picked up on it on any of the news shows.
So, that's why people go to Jimmy Dore's show to get their news.
All right, there's a lot more to that, but it's only available to our premium subscribers.
So, go join the Jimmy Dore Premium Bonus Club, and you'll hear all our breakdown of the GOP.
Hey, are you in the Malibu area?
And what are you doing on August 28th?
Because I'm going to be up there telling jokes.
Michael Schertzer is putting together a stand-up show.
That's right, putting up a stand-up show at the Malibu Playhouse.
You can get tickets at themalibuplayhouse.org, or you can go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Tickets very affordable.
That's August 28th, 8:30 p.m.
I will be at the Malibu Playhouse.
Also, August 21st here in Hollywood, we're going to be at the Steve Allen Theater with Laura Keitlinger, the hilarious.
She was on our show two weeks ago.
Steph, Laura, myself, we'll be there telling jokes.
That's August 21st, right here at the Steve Allen Theater on Hollywood Boulevard.
Links for all those shows over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And now it's time for Riptorn's Hollywood drug tank.
Gather around, kitties.
Daddy's drunk and ready to dish.
Here to help you separate the show biz wheat from the chaff and the Hollywood horse beat from the hamburger helper.
Buckle up, kitties, because daddy's drunk and ready to dish.
Expose Tallywhacker Alert.
Yesterday, the internet was flooded with videos, pics, and gifts of a Lenny Kravitz performance where it during a particularly dramatic axe moment.
He did the old rock squat, split his pants, and his half-black, half-Jewish, and therefore average-sized member popped out for all to see.
Considering that this concert was in Scandinavia, to the audience, this incident probably only served as a reminder that pornography taxes are due next week.
But here in the good old U.S. Serbia, this once again provided shocking proof that human beings do indeed have genitals.
We've never really been able to wrap our minds around that, have we?
Every time some unauthorized image of a celebrity's Lloyds hits the digital newsstands, our entire culture does a frenzied death roll.
Fueled by glee, mockery, revulsion, then guilt, shame, and finger pointing.
Should we even be looking at these images, let alone sharing them?
Well, don't worry.
I'm here to tell all you buckled hat-wearing motherfuckers.
Go ahead.
It's completely okay to look at Letty Kravitz's dick.
Okay, you and I both know there's a lot more to that rip-torn Hollywood drunk tank.
Probably about six, seven, eight more minutes left on that hilarious sketch.
But to hear it, you have to become a premium member.
It's real easy.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on join premium.
It's $5 a month.
You get access to all our great bonus premium content.
And if you pay for the whole year at once, we'll give you a month for free.
Isn't that nice?
Okay, so thanks to everybody who is a premium member.
This week, we're going to take a look at that free speech issue on Fox News and the way it was handled.
One of my favorite ways it's ever also, we're going to take a look at the GOP's afternoon debate plus the nighttime debate, what it means, what we think about it.
Rip Torn's Hollywood drunk tank is going to be in there, plus a lot lot more.
That's this week's premium content.
I'm also going to be dropping my interview with hilarious political comedian Barry Crimmons.
There's a new movie out about him called Call Me Lucky.
It opens in Los Angeles tonight.
So Call Me Lucky was directed by Bobcat Goldwaite.
And it's a great movie.
I just watched it.
We're going to talk with him for a whole hour.
I'm going to drop that coming maybe tomorrow or the next day.
So like it's an extra special bonus thing that you don't have to even be a premium member for.
Isn't that nice?
Okay, that's it for this week.
Today's show is written by Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Robert Yasimura, Steph Samurano, and Michael Schertzer.
All the voices today performed by the one and only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Our announcer at the top of the show, everybody's pal Ron Lynch.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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