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March 1, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, The Jimmy Dore Show.
This week, writer, actor, and director Harold Ramos died.
This at a time when the world was already becoming less and less funny.
Ramos co-wrote and or directed now classic comedies such as Caddyshack, Stripes, and National Lampoon's Animal House, which remains the citizen cane of college movies.
Some years ago, I rented old school and became deeply depressed.
The attempt to capture a carefree animal house tone was painfully obvious, yet the feeling of old school is mean-spirited and creepy.
Plus, it starred Vince Vaughan.
Yet the movie was a huge hit, which tells you all you need to know about how the world has changed since the 70s.
Ramos made movies that deliberately attacked life's winners, whereas movies now are about how great it is to be the winners.
Groundhog Day remains his masterpiece and one of the best movies ever made.
It was also the last time Ramos worked with Bill Murray, an estrangement which didn't do either of them any good.
Groundhog Day perfectly expresses the idea that life is full of painful repetition, yet we have to remain interested in it, even when we know exactly what's coming next.
Comedy director Judd Apatow has often cited Harold Ramos as a major influence.
But this does not make me want to see Judd Apatau movies.
Makes me want to see Groundhog Day, even though I know exactly what's coming next.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
Up-minded, lowly-lovered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
Tom Benz may be on Tearing Down Our Nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to your TV.
And now, there's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Doer show.
I'm joined in the studio to my right, hilarious comedian, writer for The Daily Show, and the seventh place winner in the Robert De Niro look-alike contest.
It is Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Hey, Jimmy.
I'm working on a response to that.
It's only been a year and a half.
Okay.
Also, on the other side of the studio for me, hilarious comedian from Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert, how are you?
Fantastic.
Fantastic.
Also, in the studio with me, you can't see her, but she's over there.
Our resident Latina, the host of Comedy and Everything Else, it's Steph Zamorano.
Hey, Steph, how are you?
Hello, Hi, Navy.
Okay, hola.
Hola.
Okay, so let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
You know, it's a bit odd when you ask certain conservatives to love thy neighbor.
You know what I mean?
That's the whole thing.
They're Christians, love thy neighbor.
But when you ask them to actually love thy neighbor, they feel their religious freedom is at risk.
And you know, the Arizona GOP politicians, they claim, they claim that they're not living in the past, and they say they have the kinescopes of their speeches to prove it.
Kinescopes.
From the 50s.
Look it up.
Look it up.
You know what?
So somebody's saying, well, what's the worst case scenario in Arizona if they pass that law?
What would be the worst case scenario?
I say the worst case scenario would be a gay person gets refused service when he's trying to buy an airline ticket to get the f ⁇ out of Arizona.
Hey, Jan Brewer vetoed the bill, though.
She ended up vetoing the anti-gay discrimination bill, but she solemnly promises that in all other areas, Arizona will continue to suck.
So that's important.
That's good that she...
He said he favored food stamps over the military.
Yes, feeding hungry people is immoral, but killing them, patriotic.
That's cool.
Hey, Alec Baldwin, I don't know if you saw, he wrote a big letter saying that he's going to retire from public life.
He's not going to talk.
He's going to try and retire from public life.
Hey, Alec, just keep making movies like Rock of Ages and your retirement from public life will take care of itself.
No worries.
Take care of itself.
So what's coming up on today's show?
Today's show, almost 100% about the Arizona Gay Bill because I started writing clips.
I started collecting some clips to play on the show about it and I couldn't stop.
So it's going to be almost a whole show about the Arizona Gay Bill.
But we got phone calls today from Chris Christie, Rick Perry, Ron Paul, Bill O'Reilly, and the world's most offended listener to the show calls in.
I always like when he calls in, plus a lot lot more.
today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Jimmy Dore Show.
You know, Rand Paul recently blocked the news.
Is the new Surgeon General, Robert?
Yeah, new nominations.
The new nominee for the Surgeon General, Rand Paul, put a block on it, right?
Because you can do that as a senator, I guess.
You can just have all this crazy power.
And the reason he did that was, why did he do that, Robert?
Because the new Surgeon General had said what is commonly held by a lot of physicians, which is that guns represent a significant health issue.
So the guy being nominated for Surgeon General by Barack Obama at one time in his life said that gun violence is a serious threat to physical health because, you know, he's a physician and what have you.
So that was enough for Rand Paul to put a hold on him, right?
So I called his father, Ron Paul, to talk about it.
And this is what Ron had to say.
Hello.
Congressman Paul.
Who wants to know?
It's Jimmy Dore from the Jimmy Doer Show.
Oh, John, Jimmy.
Thank goodness, it's you.
How are you?
What was that just all about?
I thought you might be Rand.
Honestly, Jimmy, I just don't have the energy today.
Energy for what?
Energy for what?
He used to always want some devalidation.
He just calls every time he does something and asks if I saw it and wasn't it great.
And am I proud of him?
Yeah.
And are you proud of him?
Oh, heavens, no.
He's terrible.
Haven't you seen him?
Yes.
He's like a Muppet with two flying out of his mouth.
I mean, I wish you just give a red.
You know, to be fair, Congressman, he is a United States Senator.
Yeah, well, the death from Kentucky.
So, wow, he's my king of the hillbillies, what he did.
Now, did you hear that Senator Paul tried to block the president's nominee for Surgeon General?
Well, no, I hadn't heard that, but, you know, it definitely sounds like something you would do.
I bet he had some crazy reason that he'd tell anybody who'd listen.
Pretty much.
All right, let me have it.
The nominee's named Dr. Vivek Halgary Murthy.
Yeah, exotic.
And he said in the past that firearms represent a significant public health issue.
Well, that sounds about right to me.
Really, Congressman?
I mean, I agree, but I'm surprised to hear you say it out loud.
Well, I mean, it's about 12,000 deaths a year, right?
Yeah.
Well, that's about 12,000 more deaths than are caused by gay marriage.
So I'm going to call it, you know, a thing.
You are really surprising me today, Congressman.
Don't get me wrong, Jimmy.
I don't think we should do anything about it.
Okay.
Man, people should have all the guns they want.
Shoot yourself, shoot your kids.
I don't, you know, I don't care.
It's all part of the circle of life, Jimmy.
And here's where I raised Sib and Hare for the whole savannah to see.
Congressman?
Oh, sorry.
Sometimes I pretend I'm a lion.
Prow.
Well, your son tried to block the nomination because he claims Dr. Murthy is too anti-gun.
Well, let me guess.
There's no chance his objections will make the slightest bit of real difference.
Exactly.
Neither did he find a way to mention that he's a doctor.
Wow.
Yes, he did.
He's so jacky when he does that.
And by the way, he's a terrible doctor.
He is.
Oh, sure.
He's always leaving instruments inside of people.
Prescribing exorcisms or whatever.
Thank goodness he was an ophthalmologist.
All he could do is blind people, which, you know, he routinely did.
That's terrible.
Well, you know, that's free market for you.
I mean, if you're an odd dog, you blinds people, you get forced out of the market and become a U.S. Senator.
I'm not sure that's how it's supposed to work.
Well, sure, sure it is, Jimmy.
The free market is full of crazy surprises like the pet rock and slavery.
You just don't know what's next.
I mean, it's exhilarating, really.
I mean, tomorrow the free market could just be like, okay, this week, everyone has to dress like Spaceman.
And I'd be like, isn't this great?
I'm a spaceman.
What about your son?
Oh, you can look forward to at least two more years of sort of nonsense.
When he realizes he won't be president, he'll find him find something else to do, like flower arranging or Freddy style rapping.
I'll tell you honestly, though, Mitch did what I told him.
You mean Senator McConnell?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I don't admit that.
If Rand starts acting out like this, the best thing to do is just give him a praise and a treat, like maybe a Charleston chew or some stickers.
And that works.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Jimmy, but I got Rand's car just pulled up.
And if he hears me talk, he's going to know I'm at home.
All right.
Bye.
Okay, that was Rand Paul, Rod and Paul, trying to avoid his kid, Rand Paul.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
So welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
You know, if you want to know who the biggest victims in America today, it's the Christians, right?
We all know it's.
They've been through so much, Jimmy.
Yes, and especially the white male Christians.
They've had such a tough go of it.
Maybe someday they'll get a chance in America.
See, in America, so they passed this bill in Arizona, or they did pass the bill, it didn't get signed.
But see, the point is, in America, we have the freedom to worship any God we choose, and these Christians prefer the God who's totally creeped out by gay people.
Dumb luck, right?
Dumb luck, right?
But the Christians are definitely the biggest victims.
So when they see themselves as victims, that allows them to be to anybody they feel like denying anybody else's rights.
You don't think they're victims?
You don't think they think of themselves that way?
Well, let's watch this.
And, well, it'll change your mind.
Yesterday's Supreme Court rulings on gay marriage raise a crucial question.
How should the church respond to a culture that seems increasingly hostile to Christianity and Christian principles?
From Boston to Zanzibar, there's a worldwide war on Christianity.
There is no doubt that Judeo-Christian tradition in this country is under attack.
Yes, Robert.
You see, the people who've traditionally been oppressed by Christians are now trying to take away Christians' inalienable right to oppress them.
It's not right.
It's not right.
See fair.
The problem is the gays and the atheists are trying to turn the United States of America into a secular country the way it was supposed to be.
Sounds smells fishy to me, Jimmy.
You know, this country, and this country isn't about everybody starting out on equal footing.
It is about that.
The way I wrote it.
No, this country is about everybody starting out life on equal footing.
From there, you're supposed to accumulate special privileges that give you power over everybody else, or what I call freedom plus.
Ask for it by name.
So these Christians, they're feeling very oppressed, right?
So they're in the majority.
They're an overwhelming majority in the country, but somehow they're being oppressed.
They're being oppressed in the same way Rosa Parks oppressed the Salma Bus line, right?
They're being oppressed.
Yeah, so they're not really being oppressed.
But there's a lot of bad takes on it, right?
So there's a lot of bad, like Pat Robertson.
Oh, what's the.
Can I just say?
Sure, you can say.
I really think that the Christians in this country have confused the word oppression with inconvenience.
Yes.
Like, that's really what it comes down to.
Like, oh, this is oppression to us, this mild inconvenience.
Oh, you would have hated slavery then.
That would have been really hard.
That would have been incredibly inconvenient.
Yes.
Just try to go shopping.
Oh.
Incredibly.
And by the way, I didn't want to oppress Christians before now, but now I do.
Now I really do.
Me too.
I feel it.
I'd like to oppress some Christians and not, you know, even the guys.
Even the ones in Zanzibar?
Even the ones in Zanzibar.
Where is Zanzibar anyway?
It's not in America.
Hat thoughts to telephone.
All right.
So let's go to now.
let's go, we're going to go around the horn.
This is why today's show is going to be mostly about this, is because people, so many people said so many different crazy things about this gay bill.
They have everything backwards and upside down.
Here's Glenn Beck.
Now, Glenn Beck got it wrong?
Glenn Beck?
What?
Glenn Beck got this issue wrong.
Can you believe it?
So, you know, in this clip, I'm going to play some Glenn Beck.
It's really more of a treat than anything.
I know I shouldn't pay attention to Glenn Beck, but since this is a comedy show, why not have on one of the biggest clowns out there, right?
So here's Glenn Beck, and here's his opinion of the Arizona bill making it okay to discriminate against gays.
Here's what he has to say about it.
I don't like that world where everybody is able to say, I'm not going to serve your kind.
But that's the word.
That's freedom.
That's freedom.
Freedom is ugly.
Yeah, freedom.
See, freedom equals discrimination.
That's how you know you're in the land of the free when people are being discriminated against.
You're like, oh, the smell of liberty.
That's what that is.
So that's what he's saying.
Basically, he's saying.
That's what freedom looks like when you have the freedom to totally discriminate against someone else in a free society.
That's what he's saying.
And it's ugly, by the way.
It's ugly.
But he goes on.
It's ugly.
And so we have to look at freedom in the eye and go, ooh, yep, I guess so.
That's freedom.
You're free to do that.
Yikes.
I think that's good.
I know who people are.
They're not wearing a mask all the time.
Why is everybody wearing a mask?
Why are they wearing funny glasses?
I couldn't figure that out at all.
Well, here's the, see, he gets it complete, he's, But then he says it's a good thing.
He doesn't want to live in a world where you're free to say, I'm not going to serve your kind.
He doesn't like that kind of a world.
He doesn't want to, I don't like that kind of a world.
But then he immediately says, I think it's a good thing.
Because it's not going to happen to Glenn Beck.
Because it's not going to happen to him.
Yeah.
See, freedom means the ability to discriminate.
Even though it's ugly, it's still a really good idea, right?
And he empathetically and emphatically says that even if it's ugly, it's good and we should stand up for it, right?
We're supposed to stand up.
Except, you know, he only feels that way about ugly freedom when it comes to gays.
He doesn't feel that way about ugly freedom when it comes to, I don't know, burning the flag.
Right.
Right?
Would you say that?
Or maybe smoking pots.
I'm sure that kind of freedom, it's ugly and he wants to not have it.
Do you know what I mean?
That's the thing is that he's using an ACLU argument.
He's using a First Amendment argument to justify discrimination.
Yeah.
And it's completely, it couldn't be more wrong.
And by the way, also, this guy's a Mormon.
Okay?
Let's be clear.
Mormons were shunned and told not they could not be around civilized human beings.
They were shot.
They were sent out into the wilderness by this very kind of discrimination.
And he's like, no, this is fine.
Yeah, but they're not doing that now to him, so he doesn't really care.
So that's had to happen before, before he was a Mormon, before he was, but now it's going to happen to him.
And by the way, I don't think Glenn Beck realizes I can refuse service to him because he's a fing lunatic.
Get out of my goddamn store, you insane man.
Yeah, what about all those signs that say we refuse to write to refuse?
We reserve the right to refuse service.
Don't those still apply?
I don't know.
I don't understand.
Anyway.
No shirt or shoes.
No shoes, no shirts.
That's if you walk in and you smell like a tire fire.
That's what that's for.
That's not for you walked in and you're wearing like a kind of colorful sweater over your shoulder in a sort of jaunty way.
Yeah.
That's not what that's for.
So here is Glenn.
Here is Glenn Beck's lackey, and here's why he thinks it's okay to have this bill that discriminates against gays.
Let's go ahead and play that, Gilbert.
I think they're exaggerating the outcome of this bill.
They're saying like you're going to, like the cake person's not going to put up all these signs saying no, no, this, no, this.
I don't think you're going to see any of this sign.
This is just a defense so that people can say and have the right to say, hey, I don't believe in that.
You know, I'd love to help you, but I can't, you know, because that goes against my belief.
Yeah, see?
See, that's never going to happen.
See, people aren't putting up signs.
No.
They're not going to put up signs to discriminate.
People are just going to actually discriminate.
So then it'll be okay.
Like, that's not the thing we're pissed off about, that people might put signs up.
That's not the thing.
We're worried about the actual discrimination that comes.
They're not going to put signs up.
The signs is the worst part.
I hate the signs.
I might be thrown out, but I just want to sign before.
So that's what, he reassured us that no one's going to be putting up signs.
So we shouldn't worry about this.
People are just going to disagree.
So Glenn Beck comes back, and here is Glenn.
He's going to explain to us how rights work in a free society.
Ready?
Anybody who says you want to talk about rights, you must stand for the person on both sides that says, I have a right to get a cake from a bakery, not this specific bakery, but a bakery.
Bakeries have a right to make cakes for homosexual couples getting married.
Period.
And this particular bakery has a right to saying, I'm not going to make it.
That's how rights work.
Or not.
That's not how rights work, Glenn.
I hate to break it to you.
That's not how rights work.
That would be the equivalent of saying Rosa Parks has a right to ride on a bus, and Bull Connor has a right to refuse her to get on that bus.
So she has to go find another bus where the guy likes her and lets her run.
A bus in a different state.
But yes, see, yes.
Wait, wait, wait.
Like in the north she could ride on the bus.
Yeah, she could go right in the bucket in another state.
Why don't you just work in another state and also live there?
To be fair, the bakery does have the right to refuse to make a cock and ball cake.
They just don't have the right to say, I'm not going to make the standard cookie puss cake that we make for everybody.
We're not going to give that to the gay couple.
They can't do that.
But if you come in and you say, I want a really gay, homoerotic, kind of Robert Maplethorpe kind of cake, they can be like, yeah, we can't.
No.
But that's just a question of what's in there, what they do.
That's not a question of because you're gay, I'm not going to make a cake.
We don't do erotic, you know, baked goods.
Right.
But this is exactly the, he's saying that everyone has rights.
He's saying the cake maker has a right to not make a cake for you if he doesn't like you, and you have a right to get a cake made.
Well, you can't have both, though.
So either one or the other trumps.
You can't have both.
Either Rosa Parks has a right to ride on the bike.
Either you have a right to sit at the Woolworth counter and eat lunch, or you don't have the right to sit at the Woolworth counter and eat lunch.
You can't have it both ways.
You can't have the right to eat lunch at a Woolworth counter and the right for him to deny you.
So Glenn Beck, again, talking about a mathematical impossibility.
I don't know what math has to do with it, but it has something to do with it, I think.
So ultimately, gays have the right to eat cake.
Gays have to be a bad thing.
Let them make cake.
Cake really being said here.
Yes.
Or whatever else they want to eat.
Just so we're clear, the moment you enter the community as a merchant, you have given up certain things in order to make a profit.
It's a very simple formula.
You know, it doesn't, if you are a Christian scientist and you don't believe that people should get medication, then tough.
You still have to insure your employees.
That's just the way it goes.
And we have all agreed that that's reasonable.
That's how a community functions.
Hey, I'm a Christian, Robert, and I don't feel comfortable doing business with a single mom.
So screw single moms and divorcees, too, because I'm against divorce and all.
So this is, again, this is not what America is about.
This is not about it's okay to discriminate.
They're all trying to make these convoluted cases.
And here's, let's go, let's keep going.
Let's see who's next, Gilbert.
Here's Tucker Carlson.
He's still head of his Young Republicans Club.
Yes, he's still the head of his college Republicans.
Now, Tucker Carlson, remember he was the douchebag.
He used to wear the bow tie, and now he's the douchebag in a regular tie.
And it's not much of an improvement.
But it is a little bit.
He did sweat.
It's easier to hang him with that, so that's nice.
So here is Tucker Carlson was on talking about the Arizona gay bill, and he got everything wrong.
So we're going to play it and we'll stop and we'll go.
Here's what he has to say about it.
Well, it's pretty simple.
I mean, if you want to have a gay wedding, fine, go ahead.
If I don't want to bake you a cake for your gay wedding, that's okay too, or should be.
That's called tolerance.
No, that's actually called discrimination.
You have it backwards.
Tolerance would be if you actually made the cake for them because and you didn't agree with their lifestyle.
That's tolerance.
Not making the cake for them because you don't agree with them is called discrimination.
It's okay.
You're only on television and it's an easy word to look up, discrimination or tolerance, but hey, everybody.
Tucker Carlson gets it 100% wrong.
Okay.
So what is the fascination with bakeries that these Republicans have?
They are all about cake.
They really are.
They really are all about cake.
Here's what he has.
He goes on, he's now going to get another word wrong.
But when you try and force me to bake a cake for your gay wedding and threaten me with prison if I don't, that's called fascism.
He's great.
Okay.
That's not called fascism.
I don't even know where to start, Tucker.
Tucker Carlson is called fascism.
Yeah, that's called a bad analogy.
What did you say?
Tucker Carlson is fascism.
Yeah, this is not.
Fascism would be, I don't know, it's not this.
I'll tell you that.
No, because during Mussolini's time, the biggest complaint was all the bakeries that were constructed into cooking for gay people.
Remember, yeah, you remember that?
Oh, it's just horrible.
It's a human rights disaster.
Yeah.
And all the streets could not get bread.
They were so busy.
So if they pass a law that says you can't discriminate against someone to do business in our economy, that's fascism to him.
I wonder what he would consider the government and businesses hooking up to create laws that screw the workers and help.
I wonder what he would call that.
Would he call that tolerance?
He'd call that capitalism.
And he would call that capitalism.
He would call that good business.
So here, as I'm watching the Fox News and Tucker Carlson get fascism and tolerance exactly backwards and turn it on its ear.
That's tolerant.
I was looking at over it.
Here comes the host, the pretty blonde girl host of the Fox News segment.
And here's what she, here's what, listen to the comparison she makes between gays.
Here we go.
Yeah, I mean, I gave an example yesterday of, you know, if you go to a restaurant that you know hates kids, right?
And they're not nice to you when you're there and they're not good about little kids dropping stuff on the floor, you don't go there anymore, right?
I mean, that's sort of the way it was.
Yeah, see, just, see, because gays are like annoying kids.
They really are.
They drop on the floor all the time.
I'm with you on that.
I would like to see no kids, no gays, because they drop.
Kids who have sex with each other.
Yes.
Bad combination.
Yes, she just acquitted.
That's all.
It's just like that.
It's just like a restaurant that hates kids.
What is she talking about?
Is she saying that the business is right to have no kids or that you're right to refuse to go to that business?
What is she saying?
I have no idea what she's saying.
If you know that you're not wanted, you should leave.
I think that's what she said.
And look, that's fine, but it's not policy.
You know, I don't go and hang out at the Abbey in West Hollywood just because that's a personal choice, but it's not policy.
It's not legal policy.
Right, you can't be legal.
Right, yes.
You could legally say, okay, so let's go on to, well, it never happened because Jan Brewer vetoed it, right?
So she finally stood up and vetoed it.
And because all the business people started to put pressure on her because it's going to be horrible for business in Arizona, right?
They're not going to have conventions there.
But here, oh, so here she is.
She came out and she said this.
To the supporters of this legislation, I want you to know that I understand that long-held norms about marriage and family are being challenged as never before.
Our society is undergoing many dramatic changes.
However, I sincerely believe that Senate Bill 1062 has the potential to create more problems than it purports to solve.
Yes.
And we were going to lose the Super Bowl.
It's the Super Bowl.
Okay?
Wake up.
I'm all for hating the gays, but come on, we've got to get the Super Bowl.
It's the Super Bowl.
Come on.
She actually talks to the supporters.
Now she's going to talk to the people who supported this anti-gay bill, this gay hating bill, and here's what she says to them.
Religious liberty is a core American and Arizona value.
Yes, but making money is also a core Arizonan value.
And so this proves that we love money more than we love our hateful God.
Money wins.
Money wins.
Money always wins.
That's a core value.
We have a core value of money.
So that's exactly what happened.
Yes, that's exactly what happens.
The core value is not about God or religion, or even hatred.
The core value is money.
God loves football.
God loves making money off of football.
God loves all that stuff.
So that's what that was.
I was like, there are zero benefits.
Yes, the negatives outweigh.
I mean, first of all, it's already okay to discriminate against anybody for any reason in Arizona.
You can discriminate against.
Like, this law was just piling on.
They already have that.
They already have the anti-immigrant bill.
It's like they're getting ready to have the host of the Olympics in Arizona or something.
It's like they're getting ready to have the host of the Olympics.
We're up against a break.
We'll be right back in one minute.
This is the Jimmy Door Show on Pacifica.
Okay, first of all, podcast listeners, normally, you know, I don't believe the show.
It was accidental.
So my apologies, but I think the show still remains intact and doesn't really rely on square.
Okay?
I would like to think it doesn't.
Okay, so anyway, also I want to take this time to say thanks to everybody who uses the Amazon.com box.
If you don't know how to do that, like Gilbert didn't, our tech guy didn't know how to use the Amazon box.
I don't know how to do it.
There's nothing to it, Gilbert.
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It doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon.
It doesn't cost you anything, but it sure does help support the show.
I'll let you know about two other ways you're going to help support the show if you're interested later on in the show.
But right now, let's get back to the second half because there's a lot of good stuff coming.
you you you Welcome back to the Jimmy Dore Show.
We got phone calls from Bill O'Reilly in this hour and Brick Perry calls in, plus a lot lot more.
And when I'm in the studio, I'm joined by former editor for The Daily Show and hilarious comedian Steve Rosenfield and hilarious comedian Robert Yasimura from Team Yasimura and the host of Comedy and Everything Else.
It's Steph Samurano.
Let's get back to the studio.
You know, so we've been talking today about the Christians are the big victims in America.
And we've been kind of making fun of that because they're the majority and they're an oppressed minority at the same time.
So here is Bill O'Reilly.
He called me to give me a hard time about it.
Let's listen to that phone call.
Hey, Jimmy Dore, it's Bill O'Reilly.
Been listening to your show.
I don't want to, but my gastroenterologist tells me I'm dangerously low on bile.
Anyway, I'm calling to register my displeasure over your attacks on conservative Christians trying to defend religious freedom by passing laws that give business owners the right to refuse service to gays.
Not homophobia, as all you liberals like to call it, because we Christians are not afraid of gays.
Except for diesel dykes.
Maybe a little.
In those cases, we back away slowly and try to distract them with our car keys.
And this is nothing like the civil rights movement.
Because those are black people, and these are gay people.
Black people used to burn down the inner city, which worked out well for them.
They got free television sets.
The day the homosexuals burned down West Hollywood, I'll give them all the equality they want.
Not going to happen, Jimmy Dore.
They're way too neat and tidy.
And don't try to compare conservatives to Russian queer bashers either.
The Russians pass anti-gay laws because President Putin is a dictator.
America's a democracy with free elections.
So we discriminate against gays because that's what the people want.
We're not a bunch of Cossacks marching through the streets, throwing people into labor camps.
We're not.
We're not an unruly mob with torches and pitchforks telling Adam and Steve to take the boy party elsewhere.
Like I said many times, the Judeo-Christian tradition in this country is under attack.
Christians are being systematically prevented from allowing gays to be systematically attacked by Christians.
It's just wrong, Jimmy Dore.
You left-wing LGBT partiers bloviate about how our Constitution protects the gay lifestyle.
How about protecting the lifestyle of a God-fearing small business owner, trying to run a bakery without having to make a wedding cake shaped like a wiener?
Well, Dor, I'm not a monster.
I'm an extremely cynical multi-millionaire with a drinking problem, which is different.
Our Fox News Bureau is loaded to the gills with gays and lesbos.
And some of those ladies are fairly attractive in an Ellen Page kind of way.
I don't mind saying it's a tragic waste of a decent-looking chick.
Oh, yeah.
The other thing I called about, I have an idea for a new book.
It's called Killing Something.
That's why I need your help, Jimmy Dore.
You can think of somebody or something that's been killed, anything.
I just need some ideas.
Could be anybody as long as they're dead.
Thanks, pal.
Haven't even written the book yet.
It's been on the best seller list for five weeks.
It's a tough life.
Born on.
Okay, Jimmy Dore, I'm going to give you the last word.
Thank you, sir.
you are phony.
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So we're talking about the Arizona gay hate bill, making it okay to hate the gays and discriminate against them because that's what Jesus wants.
When Jesus comes back, he's going to come back with an assault rifle and a big stick and a can of whoop-ass for you, homos.
He's going to come back.
First thing he's going to ask is, did you let gay people patronize your business?
Yes.
Because that's a deal breaker.
I'm going to let you into heaven, but did you bake a cake for a queer?
So here is, so here's Pat Robertson.
He's going to weigh in on it.
And again, it's just amazing all the different ways people can get this issue completely backwards, right?
We saw how Glenn Beck got it completely backwards.
We saw how Tucker Carlson said that it was fascist to make a guy not discriminate.
So here is Pat Robertson, the man of God, and here he's going to talk about the Arizona gay hate bill.
There's something basically un-American about forcing a bakery to kick them.
What is with the bakery?
Wedding cake for a couple they don't like.
They don't like the people.
That's the way it is.
So play, you know what?
Play that again, Gilbert.
Can I hear that again?
That's the way it is.
That's the way it is.
There's something basically un-American about forcing a bakery to kick a bake a wedding cake for a couple they don't like.
They don't like the people.
That's the way it is.
Yeah, that's, isn't that what, isn't that what America says?
Hey, if you don't like the people who come into your business, get the because there's something more important than the law, Roberts, and that's doing whatever the f ⁇ you want.
Freedom?
Yeah, freedom.
Yes.
See, They don't have to, if you don't want to serve, that's the same way the people that worked at Southern lunch counters shouldn't have to serve food to customers if they didn't like their black skin, right?
That's really what he's saying.
Personally, how did any of you?
How could they completely miss that analogy that it's not okay that you used to, we actually used to do this.
It was called discrimination.
We had the Civil Rights Act, and now you can't do that to people you don't like.
You can't not serve them.
But that's the point.
Did you listen to what he said?
He didn't say it was immoral.
He said it seems un-American to him.
And in the America Pat Robertson grew up in, you could tell a black person they can't sit on the counter.
And so when he says it seems un-American, he's talking about the 50s.
He's talking about his America in which gay people wouldn't even tell you they were gay.
Like it was shameful.
That's the kind of American.
And actually, if they told you you were gay, you couldn't tell them to get the hell out of your bakery.
Because you talk about gays and bakeries.
We all know about this.
They weren't baking any cakes back then, Robert.
They were lucky to be alive.
I want to know about the gay bakery.
And if they make cakes for straight people.
Well, exactly what I'm saying.
They do, and they give all the money to the gay agenda.
They recruit Robert with the money that they get from those straight cakes.
And I got to tell you, those are some of the best bake sales you will ever go to.
You know, I like how they keep saying, well, the government shouldn't be able to force you to bake a cake for someone.
As if you're sitting at home watching the baseball game and then the government comes over, get up, make a cake.
Get up.
We're going to have you make a cake.
It's delicious.
I got a couple of gays out here who want to get married.
Just start baking.
You have some pans, have some paper.
These people bake cakes all day.
That's what they do for a living.
No one went over to their house and told them to go make me a cake.
But that's how they're making it sound.
And they get paid the same.
And they're going to get paid the same money.
Yeah.
Get money straight money.
The moment we start actually oppressing Christians, Pat Robertson's going to be the first victim, man.
He's going to be the first guy on the train.
Yes.
So I don't know what he's complaining about because he's the canary in the coal mine on this one.
If we get serious about not just being discriminating against Christians, but just discriminating about our good taste.
Yes.
Pat Robertson's a dead man.
Hey, you know what is true, though?
The more people you hate, the more you like Pat Robertson.
The more people you hate, the more you hate.
So the Arizona gay hate bill got passed, got vetoed.
But Rick Perry called me before I got vetoed.
Rick Perry called in to talk about it, and this is what he had to say.
Jimmy.
Jimmy.
It's me, Rick Perry.
Is that Arizona gay law, Craig, Cray, or what?
Everybody's all like, will Jan Brewer sign it or not?
Let me tell you, I hung out with Jan Brewer, and that chick is insane.
Veto or sign the bill.
Those are her sane options.
But I tell you, she could just as well spread the bill out on her desk and drop a on it.
I swear to God, she's like that.
Once, a bunch of us were up at my place in head, and Jan did like a million bumps of crystal stripped down to nothing and went out hunting with nothing more than a crazy look in her eyes.
Even Chris Christie stopped chewing long enough to be like, holy I swear to God, when she finally came back, she was wearing clothing that she had made from the skins of dead vagrants.
I think she should just sign the thing.
I think we should just turn Arizona into like a special reservation for these kinds of crazy ideas.
Why not, man?
Everyone gets guns, and there's no regulation at all.
You can start a religious war if some point comes into the hobby lobby trying to buy yarn.
Let's do this.
See how it works out.
By the bye, have you checked out some of the politics in my state?
Evidently, I am not a hippie on the Texas political spectrum.
Let me give you a taste.
Teisha Rogers is likely to be a candidate for Senate.
I'm not making this up, man.
She compares Obamacare to genocide, and her number one priority is colonizing Mars.
And you know, that's the likely Democratic candidate.
It's like the underworld of the chuds around here, man.
Well, I love to chew the fat all day, Jambo, but I got a head.
The beard wants me to take her out for whine.
I know.
Yawn.
Don't forget, Rick Perry, 2016.
This time it'll be better.
All right, Rick Perry.
Rick Perry, little...
So what we're talking about is climate science, and there's climate change, and there's climate deniers, okay?
So the thing you don't do to people who deny science is put them on an equal platform with you, right?
That's just a mistake because what the mistakes that the press has always made about climate change, the debate, which there isn't a debate about it, is that they feel 99,000 scientists agree on climate change, and then there's maybe two who don't agree, and they'll bring on one of those guys who agrees that climate, we're affecting climate change, and they'll bring on a denier and act like it's 50-50, like it's even.
It's not.
These guys are not playing by real science.
And so that's the deal.
We shouldn't have debate.
Just like when Bill Nye, the science guy, debated the evolutionists recently.
You don't do that because it puts evolution on the same stage as science.
And I mean, it puts creationism on the same stage as science.
You don't do that stuff, right?
Do you agree with that?
It's not like a point of view where, you know, should we have the immigration bill?
Should we not?
Yes.
It's not like in a pit where both sides are roughly equal and one's not insane.
Here's what I tell people, right?
I don't debate, I don't debate evolution because, or climate science, because scientists, climate scientists have already debated global warming, and they've all reached a consensus.
So I'm not a climate scientist, so I'm not going to, I'm just going to go ahead with what the science says, right?
Just like I'm not an evolutionary biologist, but all the evolutionary biologists agree that evolution is happening, right?
It's like arguing, well, the Earth may be flat.
I mean, it could be.
It could be.
I don't know for sure.
I don't know.
pass this out today on Meet the Press.
That's the earth flat.
We need to know.
Is ice cold?
We're going to talk about it today on Meet the Press.
So that's a great point.
So that's what they're doing here.
So David Gregory has on Congresswoman Marcia Blackburn.
Is that her name, Marcia?
It's Blackburn.
I know that.
And Bill Nye, the science guy, is on Meet the Press or Press to Meet with David Gregory, Mr. Handsome Guy Say Things.
And so here, but they should not have this debate.
And Congresswoman Blackburn tells us exactly why.
Play it.
Neither he nor I are a climate scientist.
He is an engineer, an actor.
I am a member of Congress.
Yes, so Meet the Press wants to have a debate about climate science.
No climate scientists on the panel.
We have Bill Nye, who's not a climate scientist, and we have the Congresswoman who's definitely not a scientist.
And we have David Gregory.
Maybe you bring on a climate scientist, David, to talk about, I don't know, climate science.
What other thing would you do this with?
Would you put, hey, we're going to talk about football today with Walter Payton and O.J. Simpson, and then we're going to talk about baseball with the same two guys.
Why do we need, we don't need any experts to talk about.
It's ridiculous, right?
So that's so it goes on.
And basically, the whole debate.
So what happens on when somebody who doesn't believe, and by the way, I hate that saying, I don't, do you believe in global warming or climate change?
I don't, something has to do with a religion.
Yeah, it's got nothing to do.
It's not faith.
This is all evidence-based, right?
This is empirical evidence and data.
I don't have to believe in global warming.
It doesn't matter what I believe.
I just look at the data.
See what I'm saying?
You don't have to believe in it.
So when people say, oh, I don't believe in climate.
No, you don't recognize the accepted scientific fact that humans are causing the globe to warm or the climate to change.
Okay?
That's all we say.
Do you recognize the accepted scientific fact?
That's how they should couch that question.
Not, hey, do you believe in global?
That is a bad way to do it.
So what happens when these debates actually happen is the person who's anti-science tries to muddy the waters and pretend that there's some still some kind of not we're not sure about it, Robert.
The thing that I find fascinating about this is that people who have witnessed climate change can see that the pond doesn't freeze over the way it used to.
They will not accept climate change as a reality.
But they are perfectly willing to accept the idea that there is voter fraud in Ohio, a state they have never been to.
They're completely willing to accept that right on the face of it.
Yes.
That's fantastic.
That is correct.
That is correct.
And I believe in Robert.
I believe in Robert.
I'm not sure he's sitting there.
Honestly.
So basically, the rest of the debate went like this.
She tried to pretend that there was still some debate about it.
He kept saying, well, here, play the clip.
Here's what he kept saying.
Hey, once again, what people are doing is introducing the idea that scientific uncertainty, in this case, about cold weather events in what we call back east, is the same as uncertainty about the whole idea of climate change.
So that's going to say, hey, she's trying to bring some uncertainty into this.
There is no uncertainty.
We're certain about climate change.
Here's how it went again.
There's the next one.
Once again, the congresswoman is trying to introduce doubt and doubt and the whole idea of climate change.
So that's it.
So there is no doubt about climate change.
There is no uncertainty.
And guess what?
There is no debate about climate change.
It's accepted.
All the climate scientists understand it.
They accept it.
That's the working models.
The only research being done, funded, or worked off of is climate scientists who agree that humans are causing global climate change.
So there's no debate, except David Gregory ends the segment like this.
All right, we are going to leave it there.
This debate goes on.
I think it's not time.
No, this debate does not go on, David.
This debate does not go on.
There's no debate.
Especially there's no debate when you're talking about climate science with two non-climate scientists, and you're the new show.
Anyway, anybody have anything to say about this?
I think it's wrong, Jimmy.
Thank you.
I think there is a debate if you frame it like this.
There's a debate between people who know that there's climate change and people who are willingly lying about it.
Okay.
Like, should we lie about climate change?
That's the only debate.
Yeah.
Should we lie to our constituency as to whether it's happening and maybe actually do something about it?
So that's the debate.
The debate isn't whether there's actual climate change.
The debate is, should we lie about it?
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree with you.
That's a debate.
So the Olympics are over.
So, geez, no more.
And I called President Putin, President Putin.
I called President Putin, and here's our phone call.
Wrapping up the Olympics.
On the phone, I have President of Russia, Vladimir Putin.
Zemiandor, please call me Vladimir.
Okay, Vladimir, now that the Olympics are over, how did you enjoy it?
And what was your favorite competition?
By Bob Mo.
I don't care.
I like to frolic in the fake snow.
I lay down and make snow angels with my shirt cloth.
That's what you did all day?
That I go chase bear.
You'd have fun in the West Village.
Slide downhill, freestyle neck break, hair curling, games over.
Gays go home.
You know, it seems you didn't have many of the expected problems at the Olympics with things like terrorists and yes, gays didn't make propaganda unless you count them in.
All right.
In the stadiums, we had extra security on gay people.
How do you know who's gay in the stands and who's not?
I believe gambles, mud.
How?
How do you know?
When I skater, she does one foot upright overhead spin.
I look at faces of men in audience.
I know who's gay.
You know, I really don't like the repressive backwards way you run your country.
I'm just a pro-capitalist, anti-gay religious man.
In future, I run for political office in America as Republican.
You are just her type.
I have been watching you on the net.
On the what?
Nietzsche.
Niet.
Oh, okay.
I hear what you say about your leaders.
Someday you'll need political asylum.
I will take you in like Adler Smolden.
How is Edward Snowden doing?
I call him Eddie.
He spends all day talking to gay men in Brazil.
In Brazil.
I think that's a journalist.
Jimmy Dor, come to Russia.
Thanks, but I'm not really interested in.
Come to Russia.
That's okay.
It's not a place I want to.
Come to Russia.
Enjoy our wonderful treason rape form.
And Peter to gay people.
Nah, you know, I'm good.
I'll pick you up at the airport.
Me and the bear.
I appreciate the effort, the offer.
We have wonderful culture.
Tonight, I'm going to ballet by the not gay Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky.
Conducted by unshaven Valery Gergiev with his manly flappy wrist, holding his fit put peak.
You know, I don't know what you're talking about.
Ugh, Jimmy Dorr, you're such a peasant.
Okay, I'm a peasant.
You would like the ballerinas, they're all limit.
I'm stepping out with one of the ballerinas tonight.
She is such a beautiful body, but her fingers smell awful.
Are you relieved that the Olympics are now over?
Yes, game over.
Now we close down Sochi.
What do you mean, close?
We close it up inside are the athletes who do not have medals and the bear.
Okay, we've been speaking with President of Russia Vladimir Putin.
Sochi Olympics.
Live the dream.
In Georgia, the State Department of Revenue's Motor Vehicle Division approved of a new specialty license plate design that features, wait for it, the Confederate battle flag.
Now, under state law, all license plate proposals are submitted to the motor vehicle division to screen out insensitive or offensive license plate designs.
But somehow, the Powers that Be found that the Confederate battle flag is a perfect way to highlight their state's history of oppression.
This new plate design replaces an older Confederate battle flag template.
But the new design, proposed by the sons of Confederate veterans, features a more prominent Confederate battle flag.
I get it.
Since it is historic, Georgia should commemorate their horrific history of enslaving other humans.
And what a better way to remind the driver behind you that you are a God-fearing, slave-loving, modern-day Confederate.
The DMV has defended the new plate by saying the appearance of the flag is not new and doesn't see the reissuance of a symbol associated with racism in an even larger and more prominent matter problematic at all.
Spokesperson for the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, Maynard Eaton, called the display reprehensible and added, we don't have license plates saying black power.
And that got me thinking.
I'm now submitting a new design for California's vanity plate with a Mexican flag.
And our new motto, aye, aye, aye.
you you you So I don't know if you guys watch the TV as much as I do, but there was the Law and Order Special Victims Unit.
They did a special, they did a show on rape that featured rape jokes from comedians, like it was a problem.
I have it on my DVR.
I just saw the script.
Sounds like a stupid show.
Sounds like, you know, and I mentioned it at the top of the show.
Like, I wasn't crazy about it.
I thought it was.
Anyway, the offended caller calls me, and here he is.
Hello?
Am I?
Hello?
Am I on the air?
No, you're not.
Yes, you are on the air.
How can I help you?
Yes.
Hello.
This is Offended Listener.
Oh, hi, Offended Listener.
What happened?
Did anything offend you today?
Yes.
Well, I'm very upset about something that you said earlier in the show.
You said something extremely dismissive about last night's Law and Order SPU episode.
And I was very offended by that because Law and Order Special Victims Unit is one of the bravest shows on television.
They're extremely brave.
They take on issues that no one else will.
Case in point, last night's episode where they talked about the epidemic of comedians, so-called comedians, telling rape jokes on stage, adding to our rape culture, augmenting it, and just basically creating a hostile space for women and children.
And it needs to stop.
It's all over comedy, and it needs to end.
And they took that on full bore, and they should be proud of themselves.
And they shouldn't have to take a bunch of guff from so-called radio comedians like you, such as yourself.
So you're saying, let me get this straight.
You're saying that you are offended that I said something dismissive about the Law and Order SVU show that was on last night because it dealt with a comedian's telling jokes about rape?
Yes, exactly.
And you've been affected by that?
Absolutely.
All of society is affected by that when our rape culture is augmented by the constant barrage of stand-up comedy is essentially nothing but white males telling rape jokes now.
That's how bad it's gotten.
And it needs to stop.
If you go to a comedy club, basically all you hear is white, straight male comics telling rape jokes.
Was that what you experienced when you went to a comedy club?
That's what lots of people.
Yes.
Well, that's what people experience when they go to comedy clubs.
What about you, though?
Did you experience that when you went to a comedy club?
I have read many blogs online, at least like six or seven of them, that very explicitly detail a person that, yes, so.
So I don't get, I don't understand.
So you've never been to a comedy club?
No, but so what?
What difference does that make?
How could you be offended by something that you weren't there to be offended by?
Okay, let me, you know what you're doing right now.
There's a word for that.
What you're doing is called absence shaming.
And I'm sick of it.
There's a lot of us.
I'm not the only one.
There's a lot of us who rarely, if ever, leave our apartments because of anxiety problems.
And we have to be offended through the reports of other people who were there.
And it doesn't make my outrage any less.
It's what's called a proximity bias.
And it's rampant in our culture.
It's this outdated, antiquated notion that someone has to be physically near an incident to know what the incident was, Okay.
And that needs to stop in the society.
In fact, myself and a lot of my people, we have a disability, and essentially we're being discriminated against.
And a lot of us, in fact, we're petitioning the state Supreme Court of Oregon to allow us to testify in trials for crimes that we were not witnesses of to in person because we're being denied our right to participate in the judicial system just because we can't physically be around things that happen.
And my opinion about something that happened is no less important than someone who physically witnessed it.
Okay.
I would disagree with you, but I hear your.
Like when this Woody Allen thing came up and all of these people were getting this pathetic argument, oh, how would I know if he did this or not?
I wasn't there.
If you weren't there, what a cop-out.
What?
Such a cop-out.
So irresponsible to think that you can't know what happened because you weren't there.
It makes me so angry.
So what?
You can still be offended if you weren't there, and you could still have a pretty good idea of what happened.
It makes me so angry.
So good for SPU for taking this on.
As someone who has essentially been in comedy clubs through the lens of Jezebel and Gawker and other websites that report on this, I'm very proud of them.
Okay.
So for you to belittle that is just stupid.
Okay.
Well, offended listeners.
And it offends me.
And that is extremely important.
Okay, offended listener.
I feel very badly about all this.
Really, I do.
Well, okay, that's just a first step, to be completely honest with you.
So your first step is to be sorry, and then I take ownership of you and use that skill.
So we're making progress, but we have a long way to go, so don't get complacent.
I promise I'll go home and watch that episode of Law and Order with a different lens.
I think you should.
I think you should.
Okay, offended listener.
Thank you very much for sharing your offenses.
Okay, I'll probably be calling back six or seven times within this episode, so be prepared.
Okay, will do.
Thank you, offended listener.
How about that offended listener?
That may be my new favorite thing.
Tep it a hat to Mike McRae for coming up with that hilarious character, Mike McRae, who can always be found at MikeMcRae.com.
And there's a lot more where that came from in the premium content this week.
We got Chris Christie calls in, and we're going to do a little bit more on the crazy senators from Arizona.
There's a lot happening in the premium content.
I do a rant in the premium content.
A lot of stuff happening.
And how do you get the premium content, Jimmy?
Well, all it costs is the price of a cup of coffee that costs $5 a month.
You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on premium.
You make your $5 donation.
We send you the passcode.
Hey, if you haven't gotten your passcode and you made your donation, send me an email at jimmydoor at earthlink.net, my old-timey email, and I'll send it to you, okay?
Because sometimes stuff slips through the cracks over here.
But the app is here, so you'll be able to get that through the app.
That'll be available.
I thought it would be this week.
So probably right after I drop this show.
So I'll let you know next week about how you can get that and everything.
So that's fantastic.
And that'll be free to everybody too.
Okay.
So a lot of exciting things happening.
And if you want to know of one more way to help support the show, if you're going to send strawberries, it's the Sherry's Berry strawberries.
You go to berries.com, B-E-R-R-I-E-S.com.
You click on the microphone in the upper right-hand corner.
And they send these amazing big strawberries dipped in chocolate, okay?
And it helps support the show.
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I feel bad doing a commercial right in your face at the end of the show, but it does help support the show.
Okay.
Today's show was written by Frank Coniff, Mike McRae, Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yasamura, Steph Samurano, and Mark Van Land Do It.
Okay.
That's it for this week.
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