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Oct. 12, 2013 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Door Show.
This week, a new study of climate change predicts that at the current rate of greenhouse gas emissions, temperatures will rise to unprecedented levels by 2047.
And by then, everyone will be completely fed up with being asked if it's hot enough for them.
The research published in the journal Nature was full of grim predictions made by scientists at the University of Hawaii.
On the bright side, they get to live in Hawaii.
According to lead scientist Camillo Mora, by mid-century, the coldest temperatures in New York City will be warmer than the hottest temperatures of the past 150 years.
And even then, you still won't be able to find a decent apartment.
Washington, D.C. will also reach the point of no return, though I thought that already happened after the Florida recount.
The study's researchers believe massive climate change is inevitable, which will mean floods, hurricanes, and late-night monologue jokes about pestilence.
Yet Dr. Moore predicted that if nations move aggressively now to bring greenhouse gases under control, that could delay the tipping point 25 years.
This might give the world the additional time it needs to collapse into chaos and looting.
So if you've always worried about the world suddenly coming to an end, relax.
This is going to take a lot longer.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...up-minded, lowly-lovered latvies.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you guys.
And now, there's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined on the phone from New York City and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank, Frank Conniff.
How are you, Frank?
Hello there.
All right.
Across the...
Totally biased doing a great sketch.
The kids today.
Thank you, yeah.
You're going to post.
Are you going to post it on your Facebook friend, Frank?
I already have about 30 times.
Oh, okay, good.
Across from him, across the glass from me, former writer for the Daily Show.
You heard him at the top of the show.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Good, Jimmy.
Steve, calm it down, buddy.
Bring it down a little.
Next to him, our resident Latina, the host of Comedy Everything Else, it's Steph Zamarano.
Hi, Steph.
Aye, yi-yi.
Yes, you are.
And across from him, hilarious comedian from Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert, how are you?
I cannot complain.
Fantastic.
I'm glad you didn't complain.
Let's get to some jokes before we get to the jokes.
So Jonathan Fransen and David Eggers are writing about the dangers of groupthink conformity.
Did you hear about that, Frank?
Yeah, in fact, a lot of people retweeted about it.
You guys.
You guys remember, you all saw Die Hard.
You all saw Die Hard write that movie.
No.
And, well, Jonathan Boehner, John Boehner saw it recently.
And, you know, nothing makes him cry more than the moment in Die Hard when Alan Rickman's hostage-taking scheme fails.
Yes.
And Ted Cruz and John Boehner are nuking the United States government and making Americans suffer.
And why are they doing that, Frank?
Because they love their country.
That's right.
Because they love their country.
All right.
Coming up on today's show, we got a lot to get to.
Journalism, how is it covering the shutdown at CNN?
We're going to look at it.
Hint, not well.
Also, Bernstein, we didn't get to it last week.
He calls out the Tea Party for what they are on CNN, and it causes a stir.
Plus, Dana Perino talks about the different languages needed to sign up for Obamacare.
We look at that.
Chris Matthews has a new book out about how well Tip O'Neill got along with Ronald Reagan.
It's called When Government Worked.
And we're going to take a look at that because government didn't really work that well.
It has.
That's not the full title, Jimmy.
It's the full title is When Government Worked Unless You Had AIDS.
Yes.
Okay, so that's coming up.
Plus, Jamie Diamond paid the biggest fine ever in the history of fines last week.
And they talked about it on CNBC in a very nice way.
And we're going to take a look at that.
Plus, we got phone calls from Luke Russert, Ron Paul, John Boehner, and Herman Kane weighs in, ladies and gentlemen, on the shutdown.
And that's all coming up today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Beep!
Jimmy Boehner, I survived another week as Speaker Fuckos.
Think Eric Cantor could have done that?
Guess what?
Captain Handsome Jew throws a hissy fit when his latte goes Luke.
If he had to deal with what I had through this week, Cantor would be catatonic in a puddle of his own fluids.
Sure, it's easy to say shit when you're a majority leader.
But every time I open my mouth, I got to take a facial from the whole American press car.
You know how much lying and backpedaling I've had to do this week?
It's like selling secondhand Yugos to rich Asians.
But what choice do I have?
Go for a straight vote on this shit.
Follow my sword.
I wish I could, but the Koch brothers are Ike, and I am Tina, my friend.
This shit is real.
I go against the Cokes on this one, and they will straight up murder me.
And they'll do it to send a message, man.
Columbian necktie with a tea bag in my mouth.
But man, it's getting harder and harder to sell this shit.
Did you hear Bachman claiming these are the end times?
Holy fuck, balls.
That chick is about two days away from showing up in white robes and talking about leaving on a comet of unicorns, Steven.
And I got Cruz.
Christ, that asexual weird bucket will not shut up.
We get it, Cruz.
You want to be president.
Tell you what, the day you can win a general is the day I'll blow Marcus Bachman and kill myself.
Oh, oh, and hey, Chris Matthew, shut up about Reagan and Tip O'Neal, okay?
When I want your opinion, I'll rape it out of you.
I don't need to hear your weird nostalgia about two old men who loved each other.
It's creepy and beautiful, and I hate you.
Well, Jimmy, thanks for letting me vent.
I'm going to go bump a rail of Coke and Pray to the Jesus.
I love you.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
Chris Matthews has written a book.
And I want to another book, right?
I don't think he wrote it so much as shouted it to some poor assistant and they wrote it.
He wrote a book, and it's called Tipper and Ronald Reagan: When Politics Worked, When Politics Worked.
That's the name of this book, okay?
And I guess what because if you guys remember, when politics work, what we get out of it is the homeless.
So that's what worked.
That's when it's working.
When it's working, apparently.
Because so here I'm just going to play this.
The economic problems of the last 30 years are from that politics working.
Yes.
From his politics working, we've now ruined the country.
So my whole point is that, yes, you are correct, Robert, that he didn't even understand what he was witnessing.
He didn't even know what was going on because he, so he was, he was the top aide to Tip O'Neill, Chris Matthews, when he was Speaker of the House and Ronald Reagan was president.
So he's an apologist for Ronald Reagan, Chris Matthews.
Yeah.
He's an apologist for Ronald Reagan.
And I don't even think he's an apologist.
I think he's a fan.
I think he's a fan of Ronald Reagan.
He loved Ronald Reagan.
Because I don't think he's a decision.
He's Republican most of the time.
That's what people don't realize about him.
Yes.
He voted for George W. Bush twice.
Wow.
Wow.
So here's Chris Matthews.
First, he has to explain because Ronald Reagan used to be a union leader.
He was the head of SAG twice.
Twice.
So he has to explain why he loves Ronald Reagan and why Ronald Reagan used to be a Democrat and turned into a Republican.
And here's why he says, first, he says it's about he got sick of paying too much taxes.
This is just because you'll hear him say it.
He had to pay it all and he hated it.
And he would say, I only do two movies a year rather than three because if I do three, I don't make any money.
So that's why Ronald Reagan, he got so sick of paying those taxes.
He got sick of watching his movies.
You know what?
I have to say right here, as somewhat of a historian of show business, the idea that Ronald Reagan ever in his career turned out a movie is ridiculous.
Yes.
I mean, he has to choose between, oh, I could only do two films this year instead of three.
Totally ridiculous.
Yes, told that he would cut himself out of a movie is ridiculous.
Once he was, he was under contract to Warner Brothers, and once he left Warner Brothers, his career was a struggle, and that's why he was the GE spokesman.
He even did a show in Vegas at one point.
He was struggling to make a living.
Yes.
So here is tired of paying taxes.
Also, that's all just ridiculous.
And here's his next reason.
Ready?
He said, I won't even do Gone with the Wind if it's the third movie.
Did you hear him?
Okay.
He wouldn't have done Gone with the Wind.
Oh, Chris.
Not a problem.
That's right up there with we wouldn't have had an Iraq war if we had cable news back then.
That's right up there with that.
Ready to hear what?
Anti-communist thing.
So here's the real reason was the anti-communist thing, he says.
Ready?
Third movie.
But also the anti-communist thing.
I think, and you're all hero Pat Monan understanding.
The Democrats were wrong about the communist thing in the 50s.
They didn't realize what a threat it was.
And he had to deal with those tough, real hard-left labor leaders.
A lot of them associated with Moscow.
Working for Moscow and something.
So he's saying the Democrats didn't take the communist threat serious enough, except Ken.
Go ahead.
The Democrats didn't, you know, were in denial about what a threat Dalton Trumbo was.
But my point is, Frank, Kennedy invaded Cuba and then stood up during the missile crisis.
So wrong.
Democrats in the 50s, including Kennedy when he was a senator and including just about everybody, were just as anti-communist as the Republicans were.
Yes.
Okay.
Let me go ahead, Steph.
I just remember that to be true based on the way we were.
Go ahead.
Here we go.
Yes.
Very nice.
They didn't think the liberals were getting serious enough about that.
I think that's one thing that turned him again.
When he's had a Spree Enactor's Guild, he had a fight with those left-wing union leaders.
I think that he had a carry gun for a while.
And one guy threatened him with throwing ass in his face.
And he had a tough career with the hard left.
And I think that may have been part of it, that the fact that the Democrats really weren't as tough on the communists as they should have been.
That's the way he looked at it.
Yes.
Did we get invaded in the 50s?
I don't remember that we were overrun by the Reds.
Chris Matthews is literally making shit up.
That is at least bit true.
So what he means is that Chris means that the Democrats weren't like Reagan, you know, hand-delivering people to Joseph McCarthy and the House on Un-American Activities Committee so they could have their lives ruined.
Yeah, Reagan did that, Chris.
He volunteered lists of names from the SAG rolls.
But yes, the Democrats should hang our heads in shame for not destroying the lives of people, for going to a dinner party that one time, and then not wanting to name everyone who was there.
Can you believe we didn't want a witch hunt for every government employee who might be un-American?
Except that we did have that, Frank.
Robert Kennedy worked for the House on Un-American Activities Committee, and Truman signed it into law, the Federal Employees Loyalty Program.
And Democrats joined Republicans in heavy numbers to pass the McCarran International Security Act, a law that was a horribly unconstitutional attempt to get communists by taking away the right to free speech, free assembly, and the right to privacy and habeas corpus.
So when he says that stuff, he doesn't know what he's witnessing.
He doesn't know anything of what he's talking about.
And also, there is footage.
You can look it up.
It might be on YouTube, but it exists of Ronald Reagan when he was a Democrat and head of the Screen Actors Kill testifying before the House on American Committee, singing like a canary.
Yeah.
And if that's the type of behavior that Chris Matthews admires, and the Democrats were wrong not to do that, Democrats were doing that is the point.
Yes.
And also the fact that Chris Matthews admires that.
He admired it.
It's just crazy.
He admired it, that he stood up to the crazy lefties who didn't want to turn in their friends in front of the House on Un-American Activities.
So I guess what I'm trying to say to Chris Matthews is this.
Your history is wrong.
Your accusation is wrong.
And your implication that Reagan got it right is wrong.
Reagan and the majority of Democrats were all pieces of shit happy to shred the Constitution and shit over citizens.
And the only difference is that where Democrats closed that chapter and had the good grace to feel ashamed of it, Ronald Reagan kept fighting that battle for the rest of his life because he was Paranoid and not very bright.
No.
And not a good actor either.
And not a good actor.
And not a good president.
So here he has to go on and he's going to talk about what was the difference between Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neill.
And here's what he says is the difference.
But first, he has to do a little ass kiss on the way there.
I think that's why he and Reagan were different.
Reagan was not a bad guy at all.
No, he's not a bad guy.
Reagan was not a bad guy at all.
He just turned in his friends to the House on an American activity.
He was the president of the union who turned in people.
He wasn't a bad guy.
He just made up false stories about welfare queens to demonize the poor and build resentment for the poorest among us so that he could cut their aid and not look like the monster that he was.
He's that kind of a good guy, Chris.
That's the kind.
He changed the culture from one full of citizens to one full of consumers.
As Bill Clinton put it, he pushed the country to exalt private gain over public obligation, special interests over the common good, wealth and fame over work and family, and he ushered in a gilded age of greed and selfishness, of irresponsibility and excess and of neglect.
That's the good guy that Ronald Reagan was.
That's the good guy that he was.
And I'll give you one little statistic.
One of his enduring legacies is the steep increase in the number of homeless people by the late 1980s had swollen to 600,000 on any given night and over 1.2 million over the course of a year.
Many were Vietnam veterans, children, and laid-off workers.
And in 1984 on Good Morning America, Ronald Reagan defended himself against charges of being callous toward the poor when he said, people who are sleeping on grates, the homeless, are homeless, you might say, by choice.
Wow.
That's Chris Matthews' good guy.
That's the good guy who couldn't say AIDS until the day he died, never said it.
That's Chris Matthews' good guy.
Okay, so he goes out and he says this was the difference between them.
But he didn't have that personal experience of dealing with people every day with trouble.
The people that didn't get their Social Security, people with disabilities, people with educational problems, with kids who couldn't go to good colleges.
He had to deal with them all the time.
Kids want to drop out of school.
Reagan didn't have that experience every day.
I think Reagan, had he had that experience, would have ended up much more like Tip.
So I think that was...
But he didn't have that experience.
So he ended up just like, guess who?
He ended up just like Ronald Reagan.
If he'd been a good guy, then he wouldn't have been a bad guy.
Yes, turned out he was a bad guy.
Turned out he was a good guy.
He wasn't a good guy.
There you go.
He's also a guy that had he been cast in My Three Sons, he never even would have gotten into politics.
Yes, if he would have gotten...
That is so funny.
Oh, I wish he'd got that part.
What a great observation.
Yeah, so he didn't have those experiences that Tip O'Neill had, and he didn't end up like Tip O'Neill.
So he ended up like Ronald Reagan, which was an out-of-touch demagoguing douchebag whose most important domestic legacy is our government's weakened ability to do its job protecting families, consumers, workers, and the environment.
But it was a great time for government, right, Chris?
I mean, that's when government worked, right, Chris?
You full of shit, motherfucker.
That's when it worked.
So now Chris Matthews loves to do this thing, right?
Because he's always thinking about ratings.
He doesn't want to seem like a lefty because he thinks there's moderates who watch him.
He thinks this is in his head.
He thinks the people who tune into him are center right.
That's what he thinks in his head.
Also, you know, he recently, the book that he wrote before this was about John F. Kennedy.
And when the whole Anthony Weiner thing was happening, Chris Matthews just went crazy about how awful Anthony Weiner was.
This right after he wrote a book about John F. Kennedy and didn't make a big deal.
Yes.
Anything to that?
Well, we talked about it on the show where he said that, you know, if you're going to have an affair, you're supposed to do it like Spencer Tracy and Catherine Hepburn and keep it private.
He goes, if I know about it, it's not private.
Well, it turns out you know about that one too, Chris.
You stupid.
Can I just say something?
The central problem of Chris Matthews' book is that he he is, it's part of the whole false equivalency.
Yes.
And what it is, is that they are claiming that the problem in modern American politics is the tenor, the vitriol.
And that is not the problem.
The problem is the content.
Yes.
You are correct, Robert.
And so the very premise of what he's claiming, which is that, well, Reagan and Tipper, at the end of the day, got along.
Yeah.
Who cared?
Who cared that they got along?
Who gives a f*** whether they got along?
Yes.
Who cares?
Yeah.
It has nothing to do with anything.
And it doesn't have anything to do with anything today.
No.
Okay.
Boehner and Obama could get along famously.
And it still wouldn't change the fact that we have an incredibly broken system.
Yeah.
So that's why this is a perfect to make fun of right now because of this.
And also, you know, the thing, what it comes down to very basically, I think, is that Ronald Reagan embodies the thing that Chris Matthews admires most in any politician.
And he's talked about this over and over again through the years.
The ultimate compliment he can give a politician is he's a guy you can have a beer with.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's what he loved about Reagan.
That's what he loved about George W. Bush.
That's why he loves Chris Christie.
Yes.
He likes anyone to him.
If a politician has that quality, then that makes him a great man.
Yeah, it's like if I want to go sit in a box seat and watch a baseball game with him, I like that guy as a politician.
Someone like John Kerry, who was kind of a kind of a stiff guy, not very comfortable, or Al Gore, who's a policy wonk.
The fact that he would do a better job as president than George W. Bush doesn't matter at all.
The fact that he's not a guy you'd be comfortable having a beer with is why you shouldn't vote for him.
Here is Chris Matthews trying to find something he disagreed with Tip O'Neill on.
So when someone says to him that you're an ideologue, he tries to find something to show, look, I disagree with the Democrats on this.
And he always tries to pull this BS about, you know, that they're not tough enough on the communists, the Democrats.
He always tries to pull this, right?
So here's, he says it again.
Listen to what he said he disagreed with Tip O'Neill on.
You ready for this?
Okay.
And sometimes one guy was right.
I thought Tip probably went overboard in the contrast.
He just hated the contrast.
For some reason, he could not stand helping the anti-communists in Nicaragua.
Did you hear that, Frank?
Yes.
That was the oh my God segment.
This should be the oh my God segment.
See, Chris Matthews should change his name of the show from cardboard to shit.
I haven't completely thought through.
I couldn't understand why Tip O'Neill wouldn't give his full-throated support to the Contras.
What fucking revisionist Vaseline Lens history does Chris Matthews keep in his mind?
The Contras were thugs guilty of tongue tons of horrible human rights violations.
They were fighting against a government that was actually helping their people.
That was the problem.
Don't forget, don't forget the Reagan administration, too, was very chummy with people who ended up being more famous, like for instance, Saddam Hussein and the Taliban in Afghanistan.
Sure.
They were helping out, you know.
And so he, so here he talks, but Frank, here he talks, he's talking about the Contras.
And he's saying, well, I don't get why Tip O'Neill was so against the Contras.
How about because they were undermining real democracy and help for people in the region?
And the reason why Ronald Reagan wanted to get rid of the government in Nicaragua that was helping the people was because they were setting a bad example for the rest of the countries.
And they couldn't have that bad example of a government helping its people and turning its resources over to the people.
That is the fact.
That is why they did that.
So Chris Matthews doesn't get why Tip O'Neill was against those guys.
And so the whole premise of his book, by the way, is that government worked back then.
Except he brings up this example of the Contras, which showed that government wasn't working back then.
Because what happened was Reagan not only defied Congress over the Contras, he broke the United States and international law in order to support the Contras, to subvert the United States government.
He lied.
He had his people lie to Congress.
He totally ignored Congress's will, the Bolin Amendment.
He subverted the Constitution, committed an impeachable act by continuing to illegally fund the Contras against the wishes of the Contras Congress, which was expressed in law.
So not only did it not work, he lied to them, defied them, went around them, undermined them, and went against their express, explicit wishes that they codified in law.
So in case he wasn't sure what they thought, they made a law out of it and he broke it.
But now, but now, so that the whole premise of your book is bullshit, Chris.
The whole premise, your jumping off point is bullshit.
When government worked, we got the homeless.
No, but it's not when government worked.
It is when politics worked and he's not even talking about government, which I think is rather strange of his title.
You know, it's not talking about the function or what government should do.
That's a good distinction.
Yeah.
So here he talks about...
Deficits went down.
We had a surplus for the first time.
And Chris Matthews, which he doesn't like, people remember, he virulently hated Bill Clinton.
Yes.
He hated, hated him.
Yes.
Yes.
He did.
Yes.
So let's, I'm going to play this clip.
And now, this is what he says about working in Congress.
This is what he's talking about, the 80s, right?
And this might be the thing that all the other stuff that he completely made up, he just invented history that wasn't there.
And Lawrence O'Donnell doesn't challenge him on any of it, except this.
Oh, wait a minute.
He did challenge him on the Contra thing.
Let me finish playing this.
Hang on.
Never quite get it.
I think the nuns had something to do with it.
I said, what was wrong with being anti-communist?
But he hated them.
He thought these guys were killers.
And that's where he was.
So he thought they were killers.
He calls them anti-communists, anti-communists.
You know, like they're fighting Russia or China or somebody.
Nicaragua.
So Lawrence O'Donnell says, well, he starts to tell him he was against the tactics of the Contras.
And watch Chris Matthews change the subject immediately.
As Lawrence is speaking, watch.
Well, he thought their tactics went absolutely abers.
But he was totally within about young with Korbachev.
Yeah.
Totally back.
Did you hear that, Frank?
He goes, yeah, but he was totally with Reagan dealing with Gorbachev.
He just totally switches the subject.
Watch, I'll play it again.
I'll play it again.
Never quite get it.
I think the nuns had something to do with it.
I said, what was wrong with being anti-communist?
But he hated them.
thought these guys were killers.
But he was totally within about Young With Gorbachev.
Yeah.
Totally backed him up.
He just totally.
The old switcheroo.
So here he goes, talks about when he worked with all those guys in Congress.
And this, again, this rose-colored glasses, this, here we go.
He has been somewhere where the people work for him just for the money.
But we didn't work for the money.
We were completely dedicated to him.
And we were very respectful of the guys working for Reagan and the women working for Reagan.
So he was very respectful of the guys working for Reagan.
You know, the guys trying to decimate the poor, the middle class, demonizing them, the guys subverting Congress to carry out an illegal war, to sell arms to terrorists so they can get hostages.
Those guys, he was respectful.
I missed those days.
He was respectful of those guys.
The guys who were making up welfare queens, just making it up out of home club.
He talked about them like Kenny Duberstein and Jim Baker.
Some of them were our friends.
Mike Deaver.
Mike Deaver.
They were friends with Mike Deaver.
I don't know if you remember Mike Deaver was convicted of perjury for lying to Congress.
He was convicted on three of five counts of perjury stemming from statements to a congressional subcommittee and federal grand jury investigating his lobbying activities with administration officials.
He blamed alcoholism.
How about another guy?
How about John Poindexter, Reagan's national security advisor, found guilty, five criminal counts of lying to Congress?
This is when government worked.
All these guys he respected were lying to the body of government he was working in, Congress.
Or how about the HUD rigging scandal consisted of Department of Housing and Urban Development, Secretary Samuel Pierce and his associates rigging low-income housing bids to favor Republican contributors to Reagan's campaign, as well as rewarding Republican lobbyists, right, such as James Watt, Reagan's Secretary of the Interior, who was indicted on 24 felony counts and pled guilty.
He was sentenced to five years probation.
How about who else?
How about Cap Weinberger?
Cap Weinger, the investigation into Iran-Contra was effectively ended when George Herbert Walker Bush pardoned Secretary of Defense Cap Weiberger before his trial began.
How about Elliot Abrams?
He agreed to cooperate with investigators and return was allowed to plead guilty to two misdemeanor charges.
Instead of facing possible felony indictments, he was sentenced to two years' probation.
Right.
So for lying.
Elliot Abrams lived on to be one of the architects of the IRA.
Iraq war.
Yes.
He's still around.
How about Robert McHow about National Security Advisor Robert McFarman, who pled guilty at four Mr. Meers and was sentenced to two years of probation?
He was also pardoned by Bush.
So it just goes on.
These are the guys he worked with, he respected.
These guys who were criminals, who were lying to Congress, which is the people, and the body of government that Chris worked in.
And he doesn't care.
He pretends we all got along.
We all loved each other.
And Ronald Reagan wasn't a horrible piece of shit.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
Hey, everybody, I'm telling jokes in Claremont, California.
That's November 1st and 2nd, okay?
So, November 1st and 2nd, it's a Friday, Saturday.
I'm telling jokes at the Flappers Comedy Club in Claremont.
If you've ever been to the Claremont Club, it's a fun, intimate.
When I say intimate, I mean it's a little over 100 seats, so it's nice.
And so there's a link at the website, and I'll also be at the Flappers in Burbank the next weekend, right?
So I'll be at Claremont, November 1, 2, Burbank, California, November 8, 9.
Let me double-check that.
Yes, just double-checked.
It is definitely November 8, 9.
Okay, so there's links for tickets at the website of JimmyDoorComedy.com.
I hope to see you there.
And we'll be at the improv also on November 30th.
We'll be at the Hollywood Improv 10 p.m. show.
So put that, write it down.
We'll see you there if you're in the Hollywood area.
Okay, we're making the rounds.
Can't wait to meet the listeners.
Okay, we'll see you then.
Bye.
you Bye.
you Bye.
Bye.
you you So Jamie Diamond.
So Jamie Diamond, he met with regulators last week to negotiate a settlement for selling quote-unquote shoddy mortgage securities.
I'm pretty sure that means toxic debt.
He sold toxic debt to unsuspecting customers.
Sure.
I'm pretty sure that's what that means.
Shoddy mortgage securities.
And he got an $11 billion settlement.
Now, that's the largest fine ever on a financial institution in history ever.
Okay.
So it's.
He's number one.
He is number one.
So here we see Maria Bartaromo moodlighting as the public relations spokesperson for Jamie Dimon.
And this clip pretty much proves beyond any doubt that these financial reporters never leave their bubble and never talk to another person besides the people they are supposed to be investigating.
They never, so here we go.
So listen to how Maria Bartafuco introduces.
She introduces this.
So Jamie Dimon just was revealed he had to pay the largest fine in the history of fines.
That means you're doing illegal stuff, financially, illegal stuff, and making lots of money off it.
So if you're paying $11 billion fine, imagine how much money they made off their illegality.
So here we go.
Ready?
Here we are talking about this.
Alex, to you first.
Legal problems aside, J.P. Morgan remains one of the best, if not the best performing major bank in the world.
Okay, I'm going to play that for you one more time.
I'm going to play this for you one more time.
And I want to see if you can catch the important phrase here that she throws away.
Yes.
You should point out that the person she's talking to is Alex Perrine from Salon.
Okay.
Yes, I should point that out.
So Alex Perrin wrote an article in Salon.
Okay, so he wrote a thing that said that JP Morgan should step down because of all these legal things.
Jamie Diamond should step down.
What did I say, JP Morgan?
Yeah, I said Jamie Diamond.
I mean he's dead, I think.
I'm JP Morgan.
I think J.P. Morgan's dead, but I think, but he, but I loved him on MASH.
The point is, so here, so here he is.
So Alex Perine is on with all these CNBC people, and they're looking at him like a Martian just shit him out of an egg.
That's how they're looking at this guy, right?
And so let's, if you can catch the thing she throws away, that's very important.
Alex, to you first.
Legal problems aside, J.P. Morgan remains.
Legal problems aside.
If it were only that easy.
Legal problems aside.
That's like saying, other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
Hey, the guy who's in charge of the biggest financial entity in the world just got handed the biggest fine for doing illegal financial stuff in the world.
Ignore that.
Let's talk about this.
And what does she want to talk about?
One of the best, if not the best, performing major banks in the world today.
You believe the leader of that bank should step down?
Oh, my God!
In the world today, she just said that if it's illegal, it's immaterial as long as the bottom line is that they're making money.
That's unbelievable.
So did you understand moral?
Robert.
Did you understand that the CEO of the Infant Formula Maker Company got caught putting poison in the formula?
But do you know how much money they made last year?
Poison was a jackpot for us.
It was a gold mine.
Are you kidding me?
Hey, Bernie Madoff was doing great until he wasn't.
This is what she would say about Bernie Mado.
You steal the money he made for those people 15% a year.
This is what she would be saying.
Yes.
Okay.
But what's amazing about that is that she doesn't.
You imagine people like this think these things.
You never think that they would.
You think that they wouldn't know better than to say it aloud.
Right.
Yes.
She has no idea what she's saying.
She has no idea that.
Yeah.
No idea what she's saying.
Because she's never out of that bubble.
Exactly.
She thinks she and Chris Matthews go to the same school.
Yes.
In the world she lives in, what she's saying is wrong.
Yes, in the world she lives in, what she's saying is not wrong.
J.P. Morgan Chase remains one of the best performing banks in the world.
Yeah, and the Sopranos are the number one earning families in the La Cosa Nostra.
So why should we put him in jail?
Do you know how much money Tony Soprano made off those union contracts?
What she's implying in a way is that everybody breaks the law.
Yes.
So the only point is how much money you're making.
So it's no big deal.
It sounds breaking the law.
Everybody does it.
Yes.
In the 30s, she would have been, have you seen the balance sheets of the Nazi party?
Why criticize them?
You believe the leader of that bank should step down?
I think anytime you're looking at the greatest fine in the history of Wall Street regulation, it's really worth asking, is this guy, should this guy stay in his job in any other industry?
I can't think of another industry.
If he managed a restaurant and it got the biggest health department fine in the history of restaurants, no one would be like, yeah, but the restaurant's making a lot of money.
There's only a little bit of poison in the food.
So who has the qualifications better than Jamie Diamond to run J.P. Morgan then, in your view?
So then, did you hear that question, Frank?
What a bull question.
Hey, who has, so who could, who should run it?
If you don't want him to run it, who else should run?
Anybody could run a bank.
Somebody who hasn't broken the law.
Yes.
That alone would be better.
Yes.
And by the way, Frank, the banking system is rigged, is it not?
Don't the banks get free money from the Fed called quantitative easing?
Don't they give Wall Street $85 billion a month for free?
How do you go?
How do you not return a profit when you're getting $85 billion for free?
I could run that.
Where do I sign up for that?
It's not like you have to find some incredibly skilled person because the people of this industry screw up on a major scale and they still get to keep their job.
Yes.
Yes.
Well, first of all, they get to crash the economy, right?
And then the people in charge of warning us, the reporters, that this is happening, they also missed it.
They all keep their jobs.
They all hang out.
They all are together still.
And they look like at Alex Perrine, like he doesn't know what he's talking about.
Here, they go on.
Let's go on.
I mean, I think the bank might be too big and too complicated, and at this point, too corrupt for anyone to run, but we can just give almost anyone else a shot and see if they can do that.
So it's called, it's not called too big to fail for no reason.
If it's too big to fail, then the only thing left to do is succeed.
Am I wrong?
That's what they're doing.
Okay, here we go.
Corrupt is a bit hyperbolic, perhaps.
He goes, corrupt is a bit hyperbolic.
He just paid the biggest fine in the history of fines.
Corrupt is a little hyperbolic.
Duff, you agree or disagree?
Absolutely not.
So now she goes, so now they throw it to this guy who's from Fortune magazine.
I forget who he is, but he's from Fortune magazine.
He's evidently a grown man named Duff.
Yes.
So here we go.
He obviously got attention with this article.
He got your attention.
It's preposterous.
The stock's touching a 10-year high.
It's a cash-generating machine.
Sure, they've had their regulatory issues, but he's looking to settle them expeditiously at this point, which is everything you want out of a CEO.
It's an absurd suggestion.
Oh, my God.
There's a shock, huh, Steph, to see a contributing editor of Fortune magazine defend Jamie Dimon.
That's what's called the Mutual Douchebag Admiration Society.
I like how he says that this too big to fail bank is a cash cow.
And since Jamie Dimon has offered to pay a fine to cover up its illegal business practices, part of which almost brought down the government, so what else do you want?
What else do you want?
He's going to pay a fine for it.
I don't know.
How about someone goes to jail for committing crimes and fraud just once on Wall Street?
What's to stop anyone else from doing the same thing if they know they just have to pay a fine with the incredible profits they're making?
Yeah, but Jamie's going to do it expeditiously.
So isn't that going to make everything better?
Yes.
Right.
Do you understand the ramifications?
If you fired every corrupt banker tomorrow, Wall Street would be run by parking garage attendants.
That's right.
Yeah, I get it.
Any CEO can afford to pay $11 billion just to solve some regulatory glitches is too important to obey laws.
Am I right?
I just looked at his tone is so dismissive.
Yes.
People's lives were destroyed five years out from the worst financial collapse since the Great Depression, caused by bankers and regulators.
And this guy has the nerve to act like people don't have a reasonable argument against them.
Can I just make this point too?
Jamie Dimon has already overseen a bank that has had to pay $16 billion in fines before this $11 billion fine.
In the last three years, they've racked up $16 billion in fine.
Plus with this week's $11 billion fine.
Even before this last fine, Frank, one out of every $3 that JPMorgan Chase made in profit was going to pay a fine.
One out of every $3 they made in profit was going to pay a fine.
And no one cares.
And no one cares.
Yeah, well, it's like what Alex Perrine said in any other industry, there's no way you would get to keep your job.
Yes.
In any other industry.
So here, let's go a little bit more.
Drug dealing.
A little bit more.
So should we talk about the financial strength of JP Morgan at this point?
I mean, even with all of these losses, the company continues to churn out, you know, tens of billions of dollars in earnings and hundreds of billions of dollars in revenue.
How do you criticize that?
Well, I think a lot of their earnings and revenue we've seen have come from really shady dealings that they've been.
Did you hear her?
Oh, come on.
Oh, come on.
Shady dealings with a Wall Street bank.
Come on.
He's going to pay the fine.
What evidence do you have except all the evidence there is already?
Okay, here we go.
Name three shady dealings.
Name three shady dealings.
With pleasure.
Bribery in China, hiring based on nepotism.
Well, the nephew.
She goes, you shouldn't say things you can't prove.
It's already proved.
Hiring the children of prominent Chinese officials is not something I just need.
They haven't been charged, but it's a fact.
It's in the news.
Everyone knows about it.
The fact that they hired the children of prominent party officials, and there's a spreadsheet on which it's connected to deals they were trying to do in China.
Hiring connected people.
They're doing things that are not actual fact on this program because anyone can just Google China and J.P. Morgan and see this.
I mean, it's not, it was in the New York Times.
It's not.
Oh, the New York Times.
Oh, okay.
That's a reporter, Greg.
That's a reporter at CNBC.
Unbelievable.
Going all trying to defame the New York Times.
What have they ever done?
I think it's interesting she doesn't know what a fact is.
Yes.
What's that fact?
What's a fact?
So, yes, so J.P. Morgan's dealings in China is a fact.
It has been not only reported by the New York Times, Maria, but also by the Wall Street Journal and Bloomberg.
But Maria, who is a financial reporter, knows nothing about it and reflexively denies it when she's made aware of it.
I was waiting for her to just go, I can't hear you.
And so the people that watch this show watch her show.
Isn't it transparent what's going on?
You would think she seems totally phony.
Because, yeah, and Maria gets upset because if J.P. Morgan is that horribly corrupt, she could be arrested for voluntary rationalizing.
That should be a crime if it isn't.
And claiming not to know about J.P. Morgan's China scandal means Maria is either a liar or incompetent.
And on the other hand, why can't she be both?
There's room.
There's room.
Okay, so let's move on.
Let's go on.
We got to move on.
So here they reveal that they never get out of the bubble and cannot for the life of them understand why Jamie Dimon should step down from this criminal enterprise he just negotiated the biggest fine in history for, and then they just lie at the end.
So let's listen to this.
Here we go.
You know, it's never been a crime to hire the children of connected people.
I know it's not your crime.
But the point, part of the point Maria makes when she cites the performance of the bank, I mean, shareholders have no reason to want this guy to leave.
He's talking about 18% year to date.
He's considered to be one of the most respected CEOs on the street.
Sometimes in some forms, even mentioned as a possible treasury secretary somewhere down the line if he so chooses.
That is so asked.
I mean, why would shareholders want this guy to go?
I think so.
See, the lesson here is it's not enough to just Be corrupt.
You have to be too corrupt to fail.
And then you'll be defended by every a-hole on CNBC.
That's how it works.
There you go.
Here we go.
Now, here we got more to say.
Because he's a PR nightmare for the bank.
If you look outside of the financial media, if you look outside of CNBC, like every time JP Morgan has been in the headlines for the last year, it's been for terrible news.
It's been bad PR for the bank.
And I think maybe there is a bubble you can be in in which you never hear anything negative about the man and you hear he's the smartest guy on Wall Street.
But like out in the rest of the world, it's nothing but bad PR from Diamond and for JP Morgan.
Don't worry about that.
I mean, it feels what about that?
What about him back on that show?
No, never.
You know, it feels a little like a witch hunt, frankly.
It feels like a witch.
The guy just paid the biggest fine in history.
And it feels like a witch hunt, quite frankly.
Isn't it weird, though, Maria, that whenever they go on a witch hunt in JP Morgan's bank in the bank of Jamie Diamond, they find a real live fucking witch every time.
Pretty successful witch hunt.
Isn't that weird?
It's like there's actual witches.
Yeah.
Okay.
They're constantly, you know, talking about charges and there's, you know, numbers that are mind-boggling in terms of settlements.
That's sort of what sets the tone for these negative articles.
She goes and finds their fines are mind-boggling in terms of settlement.
Meaning, like, these guys are assoles making them pay such huge fines.
Instead of, wow, these guys are really committing malfeasance on a grand scale.
She goes the other way.
She goes, these a-hole regulators who are finding them.
These fines set the tone for some negative articles based on the fact that they broke the law and have to pay billions of dollars.
That's a tone based on the fact that they screwed up.
Who?
Who who's investing their money says, I got to turn on Maria Buttafuco, who doesn't know her asshole from a hole in the ground so I can make my decisions on investing.
Nobody.
Well, it's amazing in a way that she and Jim Kramer and all these people still have shows because they were all around, you know, before the financial meltdown.
Yes.
You would never heard anything that there was any danger of this happening on any of their shows.
In fact, you got nothing but false information that made people lose a ton of money, and these people weren't affected by it all.
It's literally, they literally do not live in the world.
No, they think she cannot understand that everyone else in the world doesn't think that Jamie Dimon is as cool as Santa Claus.
She does not understand.
She's like, what?
Why would you ever want to understand that?
I can't believe.
But this is the thing is, is that it's the same thing that's happened with political reporting where the politicians and the reporters have become the same people.
And in this case, in the financial world, the people who are supposed to be reporting on it, the people who are supposed to be regulating it, are the same people that are profiting from it.
I mean, there is not even a paper's margins difference between them now.
And of course, she's going to defend this stuff because it's her bread and butter.
I mean, Jamie Diamond might as well be her uncle.
Yes.
As far as she's.
No, you're right.
She has no interest in reporting on financial things.
She's in the business of explaining what's happening on a ticker tape.
Well, she's in the business of repeating what the last CEO told her.
That's all she does.
Well, I asked the business leaders, and this is what they tell me.
Yeah, and you don't ever think that they're conning you?
You don't think that they're spit.
She never, it never crosses her mind that they're lying to her.
Like that's like every other journalist in the world does.
Think that him and her and Jim Kramer think that saying, I don't think this is a good stock, they think that's holding people to the fire instead of saying Walmart committed criminal malfeasance under XXY conditions.
That's what they're supposed to be doing.
Yes.
But what they think is really like cutting-edge financial journalism is saying, like, I don't think this is a buy.
Yeah.
Yes.
You're right.
You are correct, Rob.
Go ahead, Frank.
Jamie, if Jamie Diamond has to face accountability, then that might mean that they have to have accountability too.
Yes.
Right.
Oh, that everybody.
So there's a little bit more to this clip.
Let's see what's on it.
Absolutely.
Alex is right about the fact that it's been a PR nightmare and the London whale is a complete and total embarrassment.
So are the, you know, the regulatory issues are a big deal, but they're trying to address them.
But that's hardly a reason to want to fire your CEO, especially if they're doing the 99% of their job that they're supposed to do, which is running the institution as effectively as he has.
And by the way, this is just the second quarter, but for the second quarter, net income was $6.5 billion just for the three-month period compared to net income of $5 billion in the second quarter of 2012.
I'm just trying to figure out from a shareholder's perspective who would be doing, I mean, do you have ideas if you're saying you want this guy out?
That is not the perspective.
Okay?
You need to be looking at it from the perspective of a journalist.
I don't know.
After listening to her, I'm really feeling kind of sorry for Jamie Dimon.
Perspective of the law, of what's legal.
You guys are just teaming up against this gazillionaire.
You should stop it.
I mean, they inadvertently make a beautiful case, which is no one cares.
No one cares as long as you're making money.
That's their case.
No one cares.
And they inadvertently make the point, which is from a shareholder's point of view, and we are the people who hire and fire our presidents, our CEOs, this guy's still making us money.
So we don't care whether he molests children.
If he is still making us money, go ahead.
That's why they put our money in tobacco.
That's what the kind of people they are.
Right?
Hey, it's about to put our money in tobacco.
So let's remember, we've said it on the show before.
The reason why Jamie Dimon and those guys aren't in jail is because jail is for people who steal thousands of dollars, not people who steal billions of dollars.
Okay?
Let's remember that.
Joining us now to talk about the government shutdown is MSNBC's correspondent Luke Russard.
Both sides do it, Jimmy.
Luke, I wanted to ask you.
But you're not giving me a chance to.
Let's do it, Jimmy.
I know that everybody's saying that the Republicans are the ones responsible for this mess.
But don't with this government shut down to shut down the basic premise that I've built my career on.
Both sides do it.
Jimmy, you read my mind.
Both sides do it.
Not when it comes to the shutdown of the government.
Jimmy, screw this.
Let's talk about football.
What?
Haven't you noticed that nearly all my tweets are about sports?
I've noticed that.
Well, it's worked great for me because by focusing on sports so much, nobody on Twitter seems to notice that I've never broken a major news story.
Luke, you've never even broken a minor news story.
I know, but how about those Redskins, huh?
Before we get into a hassle about how racist the name of the Washington Redskins is, I've actually come up with a great new name for the team.
And that is instead of the Washington Redskins, I say we call them the Washington Both Sides Do It.
You know what?
It's an improvement.
You know, straight.
Woo-hoo!
Go, both sides, do it.
Go, both sides, do it.
Woo!
That sounds so ridiculous.
Hey, maybe you could start a fantasy false equivalency league.
That is an awesome idea, Jimmy.
But Luke, seriously, are you really trying to tell me that there is a Democratic equivalent to Ted Cruz?
Of course.
Look, Ted Cruz is trying to flush America down the toilet.
Harry Reed looks like he probably wears an adult diaper.
Both sides do it.
Listen, Luke.
Both sides do it.
Jimmy, in a time of crisis like this, I have to keep saying both sides do it.
If I start reporting the facts, everyone won't think I'm a liberal or even, God forbid, a progressive.
And then how am I supposed to get my own Sunday morning talk show?
Well, Luke, David Gregory's ratings are really bad, but if but if they gave you meat the press, it would be another blatant act of nepotism, not to mention incredibly unfair to the many journalists who've spent years working hard for an opportunity like that.
You're right, Jimmy.
I do have a great shot of getting that gig.
Thanks for cheering me up.
Put it off to a podcast guy like you would lift my spirit.
Both sides do it.
Hell yeah, both sides do it.
Both sides do it.
All right.
That was Luke Russert.
Both sides do do it.
He just fades out.
He dropped the phone and he just walked away saying that.
He just dropped the phone.
It's like a record.
Yes, it was like a record.
It was like a record that was fading out.
Can I just say, Luke Russert was on the ground when the shooting happened last week.
And not only is he not a good reporter, he's not even a good witness.
Like, he was...
Thank you.
*laughs*
Thank you.
Are you ready for dessert?
Yeah.
I sure am, Herman.
Yeah.
No, Herman.
Hoo!
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, you mean me?
Even I have to be skeptical about my own ass sometimes.
You're going to have to keep it together.
We're going to get through this.
Pull your cracker ass together, motherfucker.
Oh, my God.
Are you still in trouble for letting the fuck you go off on my ass?
Are you still busting for that?
Yes.
Yes, Mike.
We are.
They let you.
Hold up.
Don't call me that.
This is all going on this shit.
Have you pulled yourself together?
Yes, I have.
About time.
Oh, boy.
I hope you don't mind.
I'm going to eat some almonds during this interview.
Okay, so now, Herman Kane, what's your take on the take on the government shutdown?
The government shutdown.
I say shut it down and take it downtown.
And put a frown on Charlie Brown.
I don't give a shit.
First of all, this is the best thing that's ever happened to our government.
But Herman, don't.
Everybody needs to time out.
When you have a child who's misbehaving, what do you do?
You put them in the corner and say, time out.
Herman, you're not.
Don't go nowhere.
Don't do nothing.
This doesn't make any sense.
Don't spun Head Start.
You just sit there.
They've been mad.
That's what you got to do.
You got to pull the government in the corner.
Now, Herman, if you shut it down.
And take it downtown.
Ha, ha, ha.
What is that?
And read a poem of great renown.
All right.
You're just rhyming.
Listen.
Hey, that's all the time we have for the Herman Kane call on today's show.
You know what you got to do if you want to hear the rest of that call?
That's right.
You get the premium content.
And there's a lot more coming up on the premium content this week.
We got a call from Ron Paul on the premium content.
And we talk about the way the media has been handling, well, especially CNN has been handling the Affordable Care Act rollout, Obamacare.
You want to hear a little bit of it?
Here it goes.
Both sides seem to be saying, forget that constitutional responsibility to pass laws to fund the government.
Let's just take a pass on it this time.
Yes, both sides do it.
So there's that coming up in the premium content this week and a lot more.
So get on it.
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Okay, that's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Dore saying you be the best you can be and I'll keep being me.
Music.
You make you make a heart.
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