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Aug. 25, 2012 - Jimmy Dore Show
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The Jimmy Doer show starts right now.
This past week, Representative Todd Aiken of Missouri got into big trouble when he said women who'd been legitimately raped don't get pregnant.
Aiken was trying to make the larger point that we could outlaw abortion and everything would be fine.
He's been apologizing ever since, but even so, Republican leaders are pressuring him to quit his race for the Senate.
The feeling was you just can't say those things about women and rape, no matter how many of us guys personally believe them.
Aiken explained that he shouldn't have said legitimate rape.
He meant forcible rape as opposed to consensual rape, which only exists in harlequin romance novels.
So I've heard.
The incident was yet another awkward turn for Mitt Romney, although it did give him a break from having to talk about Medicare.
Unfortunately, for the GOP ticket, Aiken's remarks only highlighted Paul Ryan's extreme anti-abortion viewpoint, which logically follows his worship of Ayn Rand.
After all, if you let a woman who's been raped get an abortion, you are helping another person, which is wrong.
Overall, this seems to be part of a larger Republican strategy to keep women from voting for them.
As it is, every four years, their platform calls for eliminating abortion rights entirely.
That'll probably never happen, not in the blue states, anyway.
And even if it does, there's always Canada.
It's quite possible that Todd Aiken will still win because a majority of voters in Missouri don't know anybody who's been raped.
Also, large numbers of people, generally speaking, believe things that are not true.
For example, that Ronald Reagan was our greatest president, that illegal immigrants are taking away jobs that anybody else wants, or that Dancing with the Stars actually features stars.
America gets the leaders it deserves, which doesn't explain why Obama is our president, but it does explain why people think he's a terrorist.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to your T-Valgi.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined in studio across the glass from me, former writer for the Daily Show, hilarious comedian.
It's Steve Rosenfield, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you today?
I'm doing very good.
Anything?
Give me a few minutes.
Okay, all right.
Next to him, host of Comedy and Everything Else, the popular podcast.
It's Steph Semarana, our resident Latina.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
Como sta usted.
You know what?
I'm done with the foreign speaking.
Across from her is from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and cinematictitanic.com.
It's Frank Coniff, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Great.
How are you doing, Jimmy?
I'm doing fantastic.
You're looking good.
How did you handle the heat wave we got?
I destroyed the environment with my air conditioner.
Me too.
I did too.
I thought they fixed that.
That still destroys it.
I think it does, but I think, you know, it's worth it, is all I can say.
Air conditioning is probably the greatest invention of the 20th century.
And it's, you know, how ironic air conditioning causes global warming.
It's just like catch 22.
You can't stop it.
Oh, Steve Rosenfield doing his best stone face.
Ladies and gentlemen.
I didn't have anything there, folks.
I'm sorry.
Okay, let's do some.
Just enjoy it sometime, Steve.
That's all.
Just enjoy it.
That's all I want from you.
Okay, so let's get to some jokes before we get to the jokes.
The severe weather is threatening the GOP convention.
They're having the GOP convention this week in Tampa, and there's a hurricane on its way.
They just named it.
It's called Hurricane Karmic Reckoning.
Is that a girl's name?
I'm not sure.
I think it could go either way.
It's like Pat.
It could go either way.
And the GOP conventioners think the hurricane is so dangerous that many of the Republicans are asking for deferments and hoping poor kids will go in their place.
Because you see.
See, you're right, Frank.
That's funny.
I know it's very funny, but it's like you had to think about it.
It's funny for a minute.
Yeah.
It's a thinker, as we say in the state.
It is a thinker.
And the GOP, they asked if they were going to cancel the storm.
GOP said they're going to hold the convention despite the hurricane because they don't believe it's a legitimate or forcible storm.
I bet.
Okay.
What is this?
Evaluate the joke.
I think it is.
So we're going to, I guess, so what's coming up on today's show where we're going to talk about, well, we're going to talk about our favorite new diet promoter, Representative Aiken.
Representative Aiken from Missouri, I don't know if you guys know this, famous for the Aiken diet where you lose weight by eating your horribly offensive words.
Look at that.
Look at that.
I got to laugh.
Okay, coming up, we're going to talk about Congressman Aiken.
And let me just say this about Congressman Aiken.
I don't understand why people are so upset.
Congressman Aiken was just trying to introduce some basic science into the national discussion.
You see, there's a good rape and there's a bad rape, right?
Bad rape just leaves physical, emotional, and psychological scars that never go away.
But good rape is different.
It brings forth a bouncy bundle of joy to console the victim for the rest of her life.
That's right.
Republicans believe corporations are people, but they haven't made up their minds about women.
And let me tell you something.
I go to Missouri every year, and I've spent a lot of time in Missouri as a comedian.
And, well, the world is pretty upside down, completely upside down there, right?
In Missouri, they put guys accused of rape in the witness protection program.
And their educational system is so compromised by Christian fundamentalism, it's horrific.
For me, the moral of the story is always brace yourself for a hurricane of stupid when a Republican congressman from Missouri invokes science into any discussion.
Hurricane of stupid.
I love that phrase.
Yeah, I like that too.
I should put that into a different joke.
But not right now, okay?
Plus, we're going to have phone calls from the president of the Augusta National Golf Club is going to call in to have a phone call with him.
Plus, Ron Paul calls in to talk about the legitimacy of an honest rape.
Plus, there's good news on this discrimination front.
Condoleezza Rice finally made the cut at Augusta, and she's been welcomed as a new member to the exclusive club where the Masters Golf Tournament is played.
You're ending decades-long club policy of refusing membership to war criminals.
We're going to talk about that coming up, plus a lot more.
That's today On the Jimmy Dore show.
It must be great for a black person to go to a place that has the masters.
Better than the slaves tournament.
Nobody wants to be on that.
Ah, great.
Music Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, this week's segment, Oh my God, it's Texas Judge Tom Head.
Tom Head, Texas Judge Tom.
That's a nice name, by the way.
He gives good judge.
Judge Head, Judge Head.
Texas Judge Tom Head is the rarest of Republicans.
He actually wants to raise taxes, and he admits it on television.
And he went on Fox 34 in Texas last night and admitted he wants to raise taxes because he's afraid Obama might do something.
And here's what it is.
Ready?
He's going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the UN.
Okay, what's going to happen when that happens?
I'm thinking worst-case scenario.
Right, right, I understand.
Now, I don't know if you heard what he said.
He said he's afraid Obama is going to turn over the sovereignty of the United States.
Which he totally has the power to do.
You know what?
It even makes more sense is that the UN would totally be on board.
Yeah, we'll come and suppress the people of the United States.
We'll take over.
They've been waiting for that.
Okay, here we go.
He is going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the U.N. Okay, what's going to happen when that happens?
I'm thinking worst-case scenario.
Right, right, I understand.
Civil unrest, civil disobedience, civil war, maybe.
And we're not talking just a few riots here and demonstrations.
We're talking, we're talking Lexington Concord, take up arms and get rid of the guy.
Okay, now what's going to happen if we do that?
If the public decides to do that, he's going to send in.
First of all, this guy's got quite an imagination, right?
He's got, there's all these.
Now, what's going to happen if he does, this is what he's going to do, and then that's going to happen.
And guess what will happen then?
Like, wow, you've got it all figured out, haven't you?
Here's what's going to happen if that happens.
UN troops.
I don't want troops, huh?
UN, you had little blue beanies.
Right.
Yeah.
Okay.
I got a lot of bunch of rookies back there.
Sure.
I want trained, equipped, seasoned veteran officers to back me.
So that's what he wants to raise taxes for.
For when Obama sends in the blue beanie UN soldiers.
We're afraid of a bunch of guys in beanies.
He wants to have well-trained officers behind him leading the charge against the UN that's going to come and invade Texas.
I think, and they're going to change, I guess if the UN takes over, they're going to change the slogan of America to trick or treat for UNICEF.
He's a major loon.
I don't.
That was Halloween.
Kids would go with the orange box for UNICEF.
Well, I explained it.
There's no...
That's just one theory that I have.
And he's a judge.
What is he judging?
That's what I bake off.
And if there's really going to be a civil war, I hope Ashley Wilkes marries Scarlett O'Hara.
But I don't understand why the guy was like playing straight man to him.
Oh, yeah.
And what else is going to happen?
Makes sense so far.
And then the U.N. take me through it.
Maybe the authorities should be told about this because you can't be sitting on this.
This is a powder keg.
We've got to do something.
You know, Jimmy, I just think our heads are spinning just from everything else that's happening.
I mean, this is one more crazy guy out there.
Yeah, why doesn't I think even the bigger thing that's wrong is that the reporter doesn't just go, you know what, you're a crazy person and we have to stop talking to you now.
This is a new show.
It's like, but now the crackpots are so in the mainstream now.
That's what's really worth it.
Especially in Texas.
It's like what Steve says all the time.
It's like it used to be, certain people's opinions mattered more than other people's, but now everybody's opinion matters just exactly the same.
Nobody's crazy anymore.
No, this guy, yes, nobody's crazy anymore.
They throw a microphone.
I guess we can't ever call crazy out on television.
You just have to pretend it's like the other side.
It's just another opinion.
And so this guy who's a judge and is supposedly knows about government and like he really pictures Obama.
First of all, why didn't Obama do this already?
You know, if he's going to do this.
Three and a half years.
Yeah.
And so Obama's going to come on TV like after he's re-elected and say, folks, I've decided to take over the country and give sovereignty to the U.S. Like in what possible scenario does that?
He couldn't even get the public option.
You need 60 votes in the Senate to take over the country.
Doesn't he know that?
It's like there's no, you know, I mean, it's the understatement of the year to say there's no plausible scenario for that happening.
I just love at the very beginning, the guy keeps saying, the judge keeps saying, well, I've been thinking.
He keeps saying how much he's been thinking this over.
Oh, I didn't even notice that.
Oh, yeah, he just says, well, I've been thinking that, you know, and I think about this.
And I was like, oh, he needs to stop thinking.
His thinking is, well, has got some flaws in it.
Maybe.
Okay, so let's.
I'm thinking that maybe in Texas, if you hate Obama, like any theory is okay.
Yeah.
It doesn't matter how far out there you are.
If you hate Obama, people will listen to you.
They've changed the textbooks to say that Jesus signed the Declaration of Independence.
So anything goes there.
And there were dinosaurs in Adam and Eve's time.
But Austin does have a cool music scene.
And have you tried their breakfast tacos?
You have to try their brave.
They've got the best breakfast tacos.
You mean it's flour tortilla with some with some eggs in it and then some salsa?
Yeah, I thought it about it.
How did you know?
Oh, yeah.
And then they also, sometimes they put sausage in there.
Wow.
Wow.
That's worth it.
It's going all the way to Texas for that.
I'll tell you that.
I was in Austin and I love Austin.
It is a little gem, you know?
But at the same time, everybody brags about their temper.
Oh, have you tried their breakfast?
Tacos.
I've had scrambled eggs inside of a tortilla.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
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And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
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Thank you.
Okay, so let's talk about it.
Let's talk about Congressman Aiken from Missouri, right?
Missouri.
And by the way, so this is what he said.
Let's just listen to what he said.
Here's what he said that caused all the problems.
First of all, from what I understand from doctors, that's really rare.
If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.
But let's just.
Yes, so this is what he said.
And you know what?
He has apologized for it, right?
And he tried to clarify that he takes rape as seriously as anybody possibly can who doesn't believe it actually happens.
Right?
So, and I believe it was the plot of the accused.
Which was fiction.
I mean, he's being pilloried for it, you know.
I mean, you know, Legitimate rape remark aside, Representative Aiken is just a regular everyday guy who wants to punish victims of rape and incest.
That's all.
He's just a regular.
He's a Republican.
And I say, you know what I say to the Republicans are going crazy.
They wanted him.
Everybody wanted him to drop out because this happened like a week before the convention.
And he's bringing this up and they're hoping to all score.
Yeah, they want him out because for some reason, in an inelegant way, he said what they all think.
Yes, he revealed them.
He did the only unforgivable sin as a politician, and he accidentally told the truth.
Because that's exactly how Paul Ryan, Paul Ryan and him, and we all know, we all know this already, but I have to repeat it in case someone listening doesn't.
They sponsored three bills together.
One of them was called HR3.
And in that bill, it said no exception for rape and incest, and it used the term forcible rape.
It introduced us to the term forcible rape.
Because they had to clarify that there's rape and then there's forcible rape.
Right, yes.
There's rape that the rape, I guess, by what they mean is if she's wearing a skirt, it's just rape.
It's not really rape.
But if she's dressed like an Amish person, it's forcible rape, right?
Yeah, well, you don't have to get rid of any buttons.
But yeah, it's.
And now he's denying that he, you know, he's stepping back from it.
Well, he's trying to, he's like, oh, I apologize for my remarks, but you don't, you meant them.
You still think that.
Well, he said rape is rape.
But you passed a whole bill that didn't say that.
You're talking about Ryan?
Yeah, Ryan.
No, no, let's talk.
I'm talking about Aiken.
We're going to get to Ryan in a second.
You're jumping the gun.
Oh, okay.
And it is funny that everybody wanted him to resign.
They're saying what he said is horrible.
It's like he went too far, but the GOP party platform officially criminalizing rape victims who seek abortions.
That's just fine.
Nobody's supposed to talk about that.
But as soon as Todd Aiken said something, and here's his apology.
Aiken has issued a statement that reads in part: quote, in reviewing my off-the-cuff remarks, it's clear that I misspoke in this interview, and it does not reflect the deep empathy I hold for thousands of women who are raped and abused every year.
Yeah, I don't think he knows what empathy means.
I think he has that.
He meant to say resentment and contempt.
Yes, right?
It does not reflect the deep resentment and contempt I hold for the thousands of women who are consensually raped every year.
That's what he's saying.
That's actually a term, Frank.
Consensual rape is being bandied about in anti-abortion places.
Right.
And his theory and the theory about women who are raped being stressed and thus they don't give birth because they secrete some kind of thing that prevents them.
That was put forth by a doctor, a very prominent conservative, who so he wasn't misspeaking at all.
He was expressing a theory he believes.
And this same guy was also the doctor with this theory was a member of Romney's campaign committee.
Okay, so the guy you're speaking of is a guy named Dr. Willkie, who used to be the head of the National Right to Life Organization, right?
Dr. Willkie is the guy who put this theory in a book that he wrote in 1985 that was republished, re-released, second edition in 1995.
And in it, it says, let me look.
So is the definition of misspoke pretty much just oops, I shouldn't have mentioned it?
Yeah, I said something that I really believe.
I said what I was thinking.
Yeah, I said what I was thinking.
I didn't know I was going to catch hell for it.
And now that I have, I have misspoken.
Retroactively.
Misspeaking is more accurately like when I do an Ashley Wilkes reference.
That's misspeaking.
So that, so let me misreferencing.
Getting back to the point that the idea that during rape, the female body has ways to shut the whole thing down, as he put it, to prevent pregnancy, that's not a new idea to the anti-abortion crowd.
In fact, lots of them, in fact, lots of people on the right believe this.
And they're on Representative Aiken.
I saw Tony Perkins today on the TV backing him up.
He's the head of the American Family Council, right?
Which has been treated with great respect by Chris Matthews.
He was brought on today by Andrea Mitchell.
Oh, Andrea Mitchell.
Andrea Mitchell brought Tony Perkins on.
And she introduces, Tony, thanks.
First, thanks very much.
Thanks very much.
Doesn't say, and now from the family center that's been labeled a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, a bigoted, our favorite bigot, Anthony Perkin, doesn't say that.
Now here with the bigoted point of view.
Right.
And now for the bigoted point of view.
Right.
Right.
So yes.
Let me just say, I'm sorry, I just misspoke.
So that guy, Dr. John C. Wilkie, former president of the National Right to Life Committee, he espoused those views in a book he wrote in 1985.
And on Monday, they asked him for a comment, and he said, this is a traumatic thing, rape.
She's, shall we say, she's uptight, Dr. Wilkie said of a woman being raped.
That's a medical term.
Another clinical term, sure.
She is frightened, tight, and so on.
And sperm, if deposits in her vagina, are less likely to be able to fertilize.
The tubes are spastic.
This is what Dr. Wilkie, the former president of the National Right to Life Committee, said on Monday.
And who has met with Mitt Romney as recently as last October?
Yes.
Correct.
But when they say doctor, is it because he's a veterinarian?
What exactly is that?
Well, he's not a good doctor.
It's funny you say that because they do believe that it's not only female, human females.
It's all, it's even, because remember when Bob Barker used to say, hey, make sure you don't get your pets pregnant.
Make sure you have them spayed, neutered, or raped.
So in other, and also, what they're really saying is if you go to a clinic and say, I've been raped and oh my God, I'm pregnant, you weren't raped.
All these women, it's a way to discount.
And, you know, the tradition in our society and in most societies, you know, going back years and years, is that if a woman was raped, she was the one that was shamed, and she was the one that was ostracized from society.
And this is just a continuation of that.
I miss those days.
Those are good days.
So, yeah, so Ryan, Paul Ryan, sponsored the person.
He's also a sponsor of the personhood amendment that life starts at conception, which Mitt Romney said he agreed with.
Life starts at conception, which would then ban certain forms of contraception.
Romney agreed with that amendment?
Oh, yes, he did.
Yes, he did.
Oh, definitely.
But that's a reversal of what his opinion is.
Yeah, he's reversed it three or four times.
During the primary, he said he was for the personhood amendment.
Really?
And now he's now, he's for an exception during rape.
Because he had to beat Santorum.
That's right.
Do you know how many pregnancies in the United States occurred because of rape?
Take a guess.
I think it was like around 32,000.
32,000.
Yes, right.
But that's like none.
that's really like none if you think about it.
And I just want to remind everybody, Congressman Aiken sits on the Congressional Science Committee.
That's very real.
Science fiction.
Yes.
It's just, I just think that it's funny that they think this is the thing that's going to turn women voters off.
Really?
Women were cool with the governor ordering them to have a transvaginal ultrasound that wasn't necessary.
They were cool with defunding Planned Parenthood.
They're cool with them suppressing minority votes from coast to coast.
But this was the thing.
This is the thing that's going to set them off.
All of the stuff that would get women mad can be counteracted by how warm and sweet Ann Romney is.
If you're a Republican woman, I think it's very close to being a Catholic woman.
There's some part of you that you don't feel worthy.
You feel like you need to cede control to men for some reason.
And it's part of a Stockholm syndrome.
But if you think about it, Paul Ryan is very dreamy.
Yes, that's going to counterbalance it.
Here's what the Republican platform says.
No abortion in cases of rape or incest.
The proposal for a human life amendment passed without a hitch and without any exceptions for rape or incest.
The committee didn't stop there.
They also adopted language that would ban drugs that end pregnancy after conception, including Plan B. This is all in the Republican platform.
So when they asked Paul Ryan about this, here's what he had to say, Mr. Guts.
Here's what he had to say about Todd Aiken.
His statements were outrageous, over the pale.
Over the pale.
Over the pale.
First of all, it's beyond the pale.
Beyond the pale.
Over the pale is where you put your head because you're going to be thrown up when you read the Republican platform.
Yeah, that's over the pale.
Like, oh, my God.
Anybody who would agree with that.
Oh, look, there's no exceptions for rape.
Okay, here we go.
His statements were outrageous, over the pale.
I don't know anybody who would agree with that.
Rape is rape, period.
End of story.
I don't know who.
You wouldn't agree with it.
You wouldn't have agreed with it.
You already haven't agreed with it.
You would be the guy who doesn't agree with it.
So when he says, hey, you would be the guy who does this.
You sponsored legislation that has the language forcible rape.
What is forcible rape is that it's not a story.
Rape is rape.
Rape is rape, period.
End of story.
So that forcible rape language meant nothing to you at the time?
Rape is rape.
And there's no splitting hairs.
Wow, my.
What a direct and courageous answer.
Because that could say, oh, Paul Ryan, courageous, courageous, but he's got a lot of when he showed when Mitt Romney chose Paul Ryan.
What a courageous pick.
Oh, yeah.
And all he is is another hack, run-of-the-mill politician who was standard operating procedure is never say what you really believe.
Right.
And also, he, when they ask him about Medicare and his, he always says, well, Romney is the one at the top of the ticket.
Yes.
Not me.
Yes.
What a courageous answer.
And it's so crazy that they picked a guy who they have to disassociate.
That they have to disassociate.
Yeah, it makes no sense except unless that they're just going to steal the election.
And he brings them almost nothing.
It's nothing.
And nothing.
And now Aiken, and now they're all trying to disavow Aiken as if Aiken and Ryan aren't perfectly simpatico on this.
They're in lockstep.
Which they are.
They work together to pass these bills.
I say to them, I say to the Republicans, no, you have, this is what you get for over the last 30 years completely pandering to the most ignorant parts of America.
This is what you get.
You want ignorant vote.
Now ignorance wants a seat at your table.
Now your whole platform is ignorance and you can't run away from it anymore.
Todd Aiken is Paul Ryan.
He is the Republican Party because the Republican Party, just like Aiken and Ryan, believe that government should be small enough to quit funding Planned Parenthood, but large enough to round up all the abortion doctors.
Yes, yes.
It's just a fantasy.
The whole thing is a fantasy that you can outlaw abortion or you can round up abortion doctors or you can stop birth control because it stops a fetus.
I mean, it's a whole fantasy.
It's very cynical to get these voters because it's not related.
That's why McCain and Bush, they all ignored that platform thing.
The only reason the media is paying attention to the Republican platform right now is because of this Todd Aiken thing.
Yes.
If this Todd Aiken thing hadn't happened, then the platform would just no one would be talking about it on any because they passed similar things in the past and they weren't considered a big deal.
These are all symbolic gestures to their face.
Everybody knows it wasn't.
And they're acting like Todd Aiken is the outbreak.
Todd Aiken shouldn't drop out of the state.
Well, yeah, but I am too.
But aside from that, they have no right to tell him to drop out of the race because he's...
And didn't he tell Mitt Romney?
are you even butting in right now?
Yeah.
What's the point of you even talking about...
Like it's not in their literature.
Like it's not in their party platform.
Like we haven't heard Ron Paul say this.
If one of them was raped, and I accept it's a very unlikely thing to happen.
But if they were, would you honestly look at them in the eye and say they had to have that child if they were impregnated?
If it's an honest rape.
It's already out there.
It's an honest rape.
It's already, I called Ron Paul.
Oh, wow.
Congressman Paul, we're here speaking on the farm here with Frank Connor from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
And we have on the phone right now the king of the legitimate rape speak.
It's Congressman Ron Paul.
Congressman, thanks for being with us.
Oh, well, thanks for having me, Jimmy.
I don't really know if I care for that introduction you gave me, but really it's a pleasure to be here on your program or whatever this is exactly.
I'm not sure.
Now, Congressman, we played a clip earlier of you referring to a rape as an honest rape, if a woman has an honest rape, because it speaks to your hypocrisy over abortion, because you said it's okay if it's right away.
I wouldn't say hypocrisy.
I mean, it's very simple.
I was talking about a dishonest rape.
I'm sure this, I mean, honest rape.
I'm sure this is legitimate rape.
Congressman Atkins was saying the same thing.
Yeah, but what is it legitimate?
What is an honest rape?
Well, it's opposed to a dishonest rape.
What's a dishonest?
You know, she says yes, but she means no.
Oh, that's a dishonest rape?
Yes.
It's a horrible thing if you've ever been a part of it.
It seems like the Republicans are trying to bring levels of integrity to rape.
Yes.
Yeah.
What is that about?
Well, I don't understand.
Well, at least the level of dishonest rape, maybe.
I mean, there's nothing.
Give us some credit.
Have you ever been involved in a dishonest rape?
Well, I mean, you know, I was in the service.
You know, there's a lot of drinking and you're overseas and there's a language barrier and all these fights.
Okay, well, we got you on the record speaking about the dishonest or honest rape.
All right, Congressman, I really appreciate you taking time out for us today.
Well, you know you're talking about your...
Yeah, yeah.
laughter I'm sorry.
you Okay, that was Congressman Ron Paul checking in with us, and this is the Jimmy Door show.
We'll be right back in one minute.
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Hi, welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in studio by Steve Rosenfield, the former writer for The Daily Show and hilarious comedian, and Steph Samurano, who's the host of Comedy and Everything Else, a hilarious comedy podcast with all your top comedians being interviewed.
Across from her is from Frank Conner from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic now on Hulu.
And what's coming up on the second half of the show?
We're going to check in with the news media and see how they're debunking the BS about the Medicare that's been going around lately, right?
Who is it?
Who's cutting Medicare?
Is it the president?
Is it the Republicans or the Democrats?
I can't figure it out.
I can't figure it out.
We're going to check into that.
Plus, we're going to have a phone call from the president of the Augusta National Country Club, where the Masters Golf Tournament is home.
We're going to talk to him about allowing Condoleezza Ryzen and Ryzen.
Ryzen.
Ryzen.
So let's talk about it.
We all know what's happening, right?
So Paul Ryan has a plan to cut Medicare, and they've been saying this phony thing, right?
That they keep touting this number.
$716 billion, president.
And I've never seen anybody push back yet as a news person, right?
So here they try to pedal that stuff on ABC this week with ABC, hosted by George Snuffel up against.
But Jake Tapper was sitting in last Sunday.
Jake Tapper, and well, let's watch the guy sling some BS.
Ready?
Here's a spokesperson for the Romney campaign talking about the Medicare.
What President Obama did actually weakens Medicare.
It takes $700 billion out of it and uses it to spend on a new entitlement, which is part of Obamacare.
So it actually takes the money away from Medicare and spends it in a new way.
And that's the wrong approach.
That's actually going to hurt current beneficiaries right now.
What Romney Ryan does is actually restore those cuts, puts it back into Medicare to make it more solvent because that's what we need to do.
And then it actually looks at other ways in which we can continue to make Medicare solvent for future generations.
And it doesn't affect any of the beneficiaries that are currently in Medicare.
So those are very big differences.
Okay, no, you can't go out.
So what he just said was the actual opposite of reality.
It's an upside down, black is white, in is out.
Well, I'm glad that Jake Tapper was there because I can just only assume that he really went after him for lying, saying a complete falsehood on this national news show.
I mean, Frank, he's about to get tappered.
Ready?
Here it comes.
Let's listen for it.
Okay.
I only have a couple minutes left.
I want to get both of your thoughts on some independent groups and questions.
Bam!
Zap!
Bam!
Wow.
You see him correct all those misinformation that was said on his news show.
So basically what he's...
Even though I know that's a lie, I'm going to keep my mouth shut and move on because, you know, at ABC News, we never want to piss off a Republican.
Democrats are one thing, but Republicans are different.
They know where all the money in the world comes from.
And I know, you know, Ann Coulter is a regular on our panel, so I don't want to get her mad.
Yeah, I'd like to ask a follow-up question right there, but I hate to be fired.
I don't want to be fired.
So that's, so, so that's how it usually goes.
That's how Jake Tapper, no different than most other reporters or journalists or newsmen.
I don't know what we should call them.
I will just call them corporate news readers.
They're not journalists.
Corporate spokesperson.
Corporate newsreaders.
They're basically spokesperson for the corporate.
They have the same gravitas on this day and age that Wink Martindale had back in the 60s.
Yes, I think they're more fiction readers.
Mike Wallace had more gravitas when he was selling cigarettes.
Exactly.
Okay.
So let's go.
So here, that's what makes this next clip all the more kind of stunning or exciting or interesting.
Here is Romney Surrogate, Utah Congressman Chavets.
I don't know if you've seen him, but he's lying so blatantly that he's making Soledad O'Brien look like Edward R. Murrow.
Honest to God.
Soledad O'Brien.
All she does is state the truth when somebody tells a lie on her news show.
It's good.
Just listen, it's good to hear a reporter on a major cable network tell the truth.
It reminds me of the old days when anybody cared.
Okay, so here we go.
President Obama did take $700 billion out of Medicare.
You know, if we stick to the facts, that's great.
Of course, look at that side.
Look at the other side.
I've not had the conversations.
Okay, so there's the lie again.
He took gutted it, seven cents on here.
And here comes Soledad O'Brien.
15 times at least.
And as you know, it's not taking money out of Medicare.
It's a decrease in spending over time.
And it's a decrease that you yourself, I'm assuming, voted for, right, in Paul Ryan's budget in 2011.
And in 2012, he had that same number in his budget.
Didn't you vote for that?
And I like how she has to say it like she's trying to take a piece of candy away from a kindergartner.
Didn't you vote for that?
Come on.
I mean, I want to be nice.
I can't really be confrontational, even though you're lying to my face and my viewers.
Come on, you get a, come on.
Don't you want to just put your head down on the desk and take a little nappy?
You don't want to lie to the lady, nice lady on television, do you?
You don't want to lie to the nice lady on television.
I mean, I fully expected him to go.
Well, here, let's run it again.
Here we go.
So she says.
The same number in his budget.
Didn't you vote for that?
It's not exactly the same number.
It's a few billion difference.
He did me something like this.
Tell you the truth.
You're going to have to give me a second here, Soledad.
I never actually had to Think through and defend my political positions before.
I mean, I'm a Republican from Utah, for Christ's sakes.
All I had to do to get elected was say God and personal responsibility, and they gave me the job.
Now, now, young man, when you say a lie, you get caught in it, and you shouldn't do it.
Now, have you learned your lesson?
Didn't you?
Okay, you can have some cake now.
Okay.
Now, the thing that this guy is upset with about Obama for is the same thing that he actually voted for twice.
Yes, the Paul Ryan budget cuts the same amount of money out of Medicare, except Obama gives the money that he's going to cut out of Medicare and gives it to seniors.
Ryan takes that money he cuts out of Medicare and gives it to tax breaks to millionaires.
Okay, so that would be the difference.
Now, I know that you know that, and I know that I know that, and I know that the people listening to this know that.
But guess who didn't know that Chavetz did not count on a CNN anchor would know that, right?
And that she would be rude enough to bring it up.
So, here we go.
But now you're criticizing something that you voted for twice, right?
I mean, essentially, you voted for it.
No, you did.
And Ryan's got to go.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, it's all of that.
Did you go to journalism school?
Because I was told I was doing an interview on CNN, and all of a sudden I'm getting called on my bullshit left and right.
Are you going to ask me a follow-up question, too?
What is this?
A news interview or Russia?
That's not a talking point.
I'm just saying talking points.
He wasn't expecting her to correct him.
It was like, so when all else fails, he's going to try to change the subject.
Right here, he tries to change the subject to a budget proposal by Paul Ryan and a Democratic senator named Wyden.
So Soledad knows about that one, too.
Here we go.
Here's what's important.
We're going to have to come up with a bipartisan solution in order to make that work.
I think Paul Ryan has shown an aptitude to do that by introducing something with Senator Wyden.
Something that includes numbers that includes those same exact numbers that Republicans are bashing.
That's an oversimplification.
Well, it's a very complicated simple issue.
Well, I mean, listen, you and I, I'm sure, have both spent way more time than we should have reading the CBO report over the last couple of weeks.
I'm positive.
But at the end of the day, that same number crunching was voted on by virtually every single Republican in 2011 and then again in 2012.
That is fair to say.
Does she not realize that this is the kind of questions that are going to get her fired?
And right after this interview, this guy accused her of forcible rape.
You raped my talking points.
Okay, so let's go.
She got one more.
I got one more clip here.
Let's do it.
Change what you call saving is a voucher program, right?
Okay, so here, here, here.
So here, it gets so bad that they can't even agree on what a voucher is.
Okay, ready?
Here she is talking about what a voucher is because they won't admit it.
What Paul Ryan.
I don't want it out there.
No.
Even though Paul Ryan has said the word voucher many times.
Now they say premium support.
They never say vouchers.
Yeah, you won't hear that.
They never say voucher.
Which is what you get if you order the extras in the Time Warner cable package.
What you call saving is a voucher program, right?
You give people vouchers for Solodado.
I'm sorry.
It is not a voucher voucher program.
It is not.
It is a premium support.
And that is totally different than a voucher program.
And every time somebody says, oh, it's a voucher program, it's false, it's misleading, it's derogatory, and it's inaccurate.
That is not what it does.
And it's also true.
And it's also true.
No, no, you say it's a voucher.
I say it's a premium support.
Those words are totally different.
One starts with a V, and mine starts with a P, and it's got two words.
Yeah, so how can you compare them?
They're not even the same.
One, your program is where the government gives you money to go out and purchase private health insurance.
That's a voucher.
I'm talking about premium support where the government gives you money to go out and buy your own private insurance.
These are totally different.
What is your problem?
So let's watch him parse words, ready?
Those that are 55 years old at all.
Give people money to go and buy their own insurance, right?
Someone gets stipended money to go and arguing over semantics.
At the end of the day, isn't it essentially you would give someone money to go buy their own insurance?
No.
That's it.
No.
No, that's it.
That's just all he's going to say.
That's all I can say to you is no.
Listen, Soledad, Frank Luntz went through the trouble of coming up with this premium support expression.
So the least you could do is respect it.
No, it's not a voucher.
It's a premium support.
And I'm going to hold my breath until you agree with me and give me ice cream.
Okay, so now John Sunudo gets his chance with the Soledad Obama.
First of all, tip of the hat to Soledad Obama.
Tip of the hat.
She actually pushed.
She didn't do it forcefully.
She's not Mike Wallace.
I'm going to miss her.
Yeah.
So John Sununo, now you know John Sununa.
He's a class act.
Yes.
John Sununo.
Most recently in the news, but John Sunun, I don't know if you know.
He is born to a Palestinian father and an Ecuadorian mother in Cuba.
And well, most recently, he made the news because he was asking President Obama to go learn how to become an American.
Right.
He hoped the president learned how to act like an American.
That's right.
Cuban-born, half-Palestinian, half Ecuadorian.
And when he came over from Cuba, he used Air Force One.
Folks, 30 years ago, that was a big joke.
That's a big joke.
You know what I say?
Some people say Sununu.
I say Seno no.
Oh, bam.
So here he is.
So he's a class act.
This guy's a real class act all the way.
He goes on with Soledad and starts off with that number right away.
When Obama gutted Medicare by taking $717 billion out of it, the Romney pan does not do that.
The Ryan plan mimicked part of the Obama package there.
The Romney plan does not.
That's a big difference.
But you know, you know, and I understand that this is a Republican talking point because I've heard it repeatedly.
What?
I don't know.
What's a talking point?
I don't know.
I don't follow you.
I can, huh?
With the Habishel, Schmitch Megan.
Have been debunked, as you know.
No, they're not.
Yes, they have.
I have the Congressional Budget Office report right here, dated July 24th from Doug Elmendorf.
Stop giggling.
Yeah, I like that Soledad O'Brien stands up to Sunudu by pointing out that his Republican talking point is actually just a Republican talking point.
And Sununu fights back by repeating the talking point only louder.
And it sounds like he's like a nerd bully, right?
He's like a nerd.
I've got that thing right here.
And he's just a pinch.
He's a nerd by birth, accident of birth, right?
Makes him look and act that way.
And then he's also a bully.
She's right.
He's lying.
She's calling him on it.
And he's trying to shame her, right?
So here we go.
There's more.
Yes, they have.
I have the Congressional Budget Office report.
Don't try and stop me.
Dated July 24th from Doug Elmendorf.
Go read page 13, 2014.
And I will tell you what I'm saying.
I can tell you what it says.
Yes, it cuts a reduction in the expected rate of growth, which you know, not cutting budgets to the elderly.
Benefits will be improved.
The focus is on.
What is with this Soledad O'Brien.
I mean, how ironclad is her CNN contract that she can challenge the legendary John Sununu without being sent back to the Xeroxing department?
And why is he, and he says, Doug Elmendorf, why is he talking about a Lord of the Rings character?
Well, you know, what he's doing there, it's very subtle, but he's what that's called in lying circles.
That's called adding validity to the lie by giving an extraneous piece of information.
So when he goes, I've got the CBO by Doug Elmador.
That means nothing to nobody.
Doug Elmen, no one even knows who the F that guy is.
And nobody gets, it's just like, it's either, oh, so he must not be lying because he said that guy's name I never heard of.
And why would he say that guy's name, except okay?
Page 13.
You didn't know the page number, did you?
He's totally freaked out.
He can't get over it.
He's like, are you kidding me?
And he keeps getting louder.
I was told I was coming on CNN for Christ's sake.
Nobody told me you read the CBO report.
For Christ's sake, nobody told me you could read.
I've been here 10 minutes.
I haven't seen one softball yet.
Okay, so here's the next slip.
Here we go.
So this is what happens.
This is what happens.
He's tried to yell at her.
He's tried to bully her.
He's tried to repeat lies.
So that fails.
And this is what happens when that fails.
To put it into programs.
The Rugby Buddha has agreed to that because their theory is that what they're going to be able to do is make up by the number of people who come into the system.
It doesn't reduce or cut the benefits, right?
The older people who receive Medicare do have to be.
They're assuming.
So here it comes.
Ready?
Here comes his ultimate weapon.
Soma Dad, stop this.
All you're doing is mimicking the stuff that comes out of the White House and gets repeated on the on the fact blogs where people talk about how I'm lying.
Yes.
And all you're repeating is what's coming out of the White House.
This coming from a former White House chief of staff.
And you know they're full of crap.
So he abhors that kind of just White House putting out information.
You and your facts.
Yes, Sununu may look like a total douchebag, but to Sununu, this is his charm offensive.
Don't you take that tone with me, young lady.
Don't you know who I am?
I'm John Sununu.
And when I grunt out my lies, you shut the up and thank me for my time.
Obviously, you're in love with a certain Indonesian pot smoker who gutted Medicare.
She's no Jake Tapper.
No, thank God.
So I just want to remind people: is there anything left that he says?
Soma Dad, stop this.
This truth says going with facts.
Somedad, stop this.
Look at what you did.
You're bad.
You're getting in the way of my total bull.
Somedad, stop this.
It's funny.
So the next time you hear a Republican say that what they're really trying to do is save Medicare, that's what they're really, I'm really trying to save Medicare.
This is worth making it solvent for the future.
Just remember this warning from FDR about Republicans and social programs.
Let me warn you and let me warn the nation against the smooth evasion that says, of course, we believe these things.
We believe in social security.
We believe in work for the unemployed.
We believe in saving homes.
Cross our hearts and hope to die.
We believe in all these things.
But we do not like the way the present administration is doing them.
Just turn them over to us.
We will do all of them.
We will do more of them.
We will do them better.
And most important of all, the doing of them will not cost anybody anything.
That guy was psychic.
Yeah, how did he go into the future or something?
Get the Republican platform and bring it back with him.
Wow.
I guess on his wheelchair, there was like a time.
It's like the time machine to the future.
There was like a time machine device on his wheelchair that brought him into this.
It's like a DeLorean.
All right, so let's talk about Condoleezza Rice, fellas and lady.
They got lady.
They finally allowed a woman, a black woman, into Augusta, right?
Breaking a decades-old tradition of racism and misogyny.
You know, it used to be a membership at the Augusta National Golf Club was a great way of letting people know you were a wealthy, bigoted, anachronistic man.
And now it also means you're a wealthy, bigoted, and acronistic woman, too.
Isn't that nice?
Yes, 150 years after the end of American slavery and 90 years after women's suffrage, Augusta has admitted a black woman, bringing them in line with such modern marvels as the integrated lunch counter and a world without hat boxes.
So let that be a lesson to all of you.
If you want to get into Augusta, all you have to do is the bidding of the military-industrial complex on a national level for eight years.
But it's kind of awkward.
I heard her first day there.
She thought she could use the water fountain.
No.
So I actually sat down and I had a president of the Augusta National Golf Course.
And there's a go.
I have my guest today, then president of the Augusta National Golf Club, Whitelow P. Mannington.
Mr. Mannington, thanks for joining us today.
Well, it is, of course, a privilege for you to talk to me.
Normally talking press.
In general, the media a bit on the Jewish side for my taste.
Well, you've made news this week by allowing Condoleezza to join your club.
Yes.
By admitting her, I was able to kill two birdies with one stone.
Go off humor.
We were able to fill two quotas by giving membership to someone who was both a woman and a negress.
Now, will everybody please leave me alone for the rest of the 21st century?
Can I ask why exactly did you choose Miss Rice as your first female inductee?
Well, because I admire her so much.
Did you know that she was Secretary of the State?
That is marvelous.
Now, if I happen to need someone to take dictation, we got a secretary right here.
Mr. Mannington, she was a top official in the George W. Bush administration.
And that makes her an ideal golf companion.
How so?
Well, if I'm playing against her and I don't want her to know what my strategy is, I will simply send her a memo entitled, Whitelow P. Mannington Determined to Play.
You'll never read it.
So you think she'll be an asset to your club.
Is that what you're saying?
Well, not entirely.
If she is as bad at finding sliced golf balls as she was at finding Bin Laden, we're going to lose a lot of inventory.
Do you think this is a first step towards allowing more women into your club?
I certainly hope not.
Look, I have nothing against women.
It's just that for me, treating them as equals is a real boner killer.
I see, I see.
Okay.
I believe in equality.
I really do.
There was a time in this great nation when blacks, Jews, Hispanioles, and women were all equally excluded by rich white men like me.
But that great American tradition is eroding as we speak.
So you're worried that golf clubs may no longer be a haven for wealthy Republican assholes?
It keeps me up nights, Mr. Doar.
But there's one expression I use that comforts me and gives me some hope.
And what expression is that?
Romney Ryan 2012.
Needle Lord.
Well, thanks for joining me today, Mr. Mannington.
I'll thank you to hang up the phone before I call security, you dirty dago greaser.
Okay, our thanks to the President Whitey of the Augusta National No, Whitelow is his name.
Whitelow.
What did I say, Whitelow?
Whitey, Whitey.
Whitey Lowe.
She doesn't like it when people call him that.
Whitey, no?
No, he prefers Whitelow.
Whitelow P. Mannington.
Whitelow.
That's funny.
Great job.
I have a quick one that you can cut later.
Okay, okay.
I like to, I've entitled this piece, Walking Down Memory Lane with Pat Robertson.
Pat Robertson.
The week of September 11th, 2001, Pat Robertson discussed the terror attacks with Jerry Falwell, who said that the ACLU has to take a lot of blame for this.
In addition to the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who have helped the terror attacks of September 11th happen, Robertson replied, I totally concur.
Less than two weeks after Hurricane Katrina killed 1,836 people, Robertson implied on the 700 Club that storm was God's punishment in response to America's abortion policy.
He suggested that September 11th and the disaster in New Orleans could be connected in some way via God's wrath.
Boy, I can't wait to see what Pat Robertson has to say about the upcoming GOP convention in Tampa.
You know, there's a hurricane on its way.
There hasn't been a hurricane of this magnitude in over 90 years in this area.
Did you know that?
Is it a coincidence that God has planned this type of destruction the exact week of the GOP convention in this town?
Maybe Pat Robertson is on to something.
Oh, I thought you meant Pat Robinson.
Thanks for listening.
That's our show.
And thanks to everybody who uses our Amazon.com box over at JimmyDoorComedy.com and for all your support.
We say thank you.
And thanks to everybody who's been watching the Jimmy Door show over at the Young Turks Network.
Now, where do you find that?
Just go to my website.
All the clips are up there at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
If you'd like to see the show I'm doing with Frank Conniff from Mystery Science Theater 3000, you go ahead and check that out.
I would say I like it.
I'm a big fan of that show.
If you like this show, you'll love that show, okay?
So check it out.
It's over at the website.
Thanks again for everything.
This show today was written.
That's right.
It was written by Steve Rosenfield, Steph Samurano, Robert Yasamareff, Frank Conniff, and Mark Vandalunt.
I don't even know if I'm saying his last name right.
Do you know that?
Isn't that funny?
But he writes me great stuff.
Thanks to my friend Mark.
That's Mark with a C. And I want to take time to thank the two gentlemen who donate their time and talent to make the show happen.
You know who I'd like to thank?
Sean James over at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
You got a problem with your Macintosh computer?
He can fix it right over the internet.
He does it for me all the time.
He's amazing.
It's Sean James.
And get a hold of him at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And you spell Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
Okay.
And I want to say thanks to Frank Pulaski, who takes the bits we do on the show when he puts video to it.
He's an awesome editor, video editor.
He puts them together in a hilarious way.
Thanks to Frank Pulaski from Dreamtime Films.
He lives in Hawaii.
Oh, envious.
Okay, that's our show for this week.
I appreciate you guys.
I'm sorry about the drop.
The late drop.
I was hosting the Young Turks today, so that's why the drop came late.
And thanks for everybody who stopped over to iTunes to give us a nice review.
It really helps our rankings.
It makes me feel good when I read it.
That's really why I want you to do it.
But thanks, everybody, who did that.
Okay, that's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Door saying you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
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